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#regardless of the curses i am pretty proud of this one
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So I did It
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I made a Fusion
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And he's ✨magnificent✨
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dykeishh · 22 days
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lessons in lust
ellie williams x fem reader
synopsis: ellie meets with her hot tutor for calculus and somehow ends with an anatomy lesson! 
CW: 18+ MINORS DNI, dealer!ellie (throwback asf), tutor!reader, slightly dom!ellie, cunnilingus, public sex (they don’t get caught tho), a bit of teasing, both reader and ellie are just sluts basically. not proofread :3
a/n: heyyy the way i wrote this in literally 2023 and it's just been in my notes… hence slight dealer!ellie appearance LOL its also barely relevant to the story but I just think tutor!reader x dealer!ellie is a hot pairing. also ellie being lowkey dominant in this is so funny cuz i'm really in my sub!ellie era… but its still hot honestly. anyways hope y'all enjoy!
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ellie sighed as she looked at her current course score, knowing she was about to fail her calculus class if she didn’t start getting decent grades soon. she cursed herself for picking astrophysics as a major, recalling how she ‘thought it sounded cool’ and failed to consider that she would need to take difficult math classes.
she didn’t hate it, but she was falling behind as she allowed her ‘business’ to take up most of her time. it was easy to get caught up, and she was pretty proud of herself once the money really started raking in, but was quickly humbled when she remembered she couldn’t afford to retake a foundational course to her major. 
that was how ellie found herself tapping her shoes against the library chair, waiting for her calculus tutor to arrive. she blew out a sigh from her pursed lips as she scrolled mindlessly through her phone, in a daze—so much so that she hadn’t noticed you walk up to the round table until you said, “hi, are you ellie?”
she looked up, a bit startled by your voice in the quiet library, especially because she had picked a spot in the back, away from other people and their chatters. 
she took a second to respond, partially because she had expected some kind of geeky math nerd to be her tutor--especially since it was through the school. however, the main reason for her delayed response was because she knew you.
well, knew is an overstatement, you were a bit of a crush that ellie had in one of her classes. she had never made a move to talk to you, but she often indulged herself by staring at your legs, barely covered by the short skirts you wore to class, and fantasizing about the sounds you’d make with her face between them. she noticed you were wearing a similar skirt today and her mind already started racing, but she quickly snapped out if it. 
“hi, yeah that’s me.”
“i’m y/n, i’ll be working with you today,” you said, smiling at her. she felt her heart rate increase, but she made sure to play it cool. “oh, nice, thanks.” you gave her a slight smile aam pulled your chair in next to her. 
“so, where should we start?”
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after several minutes of going over the subjects taught in the course, ellie’s mind had started to wander back to your short skirt and your words faded into the background as she wondered how quiet she could be while fucking you in the library. you can feel her eyeing you up as you spoke, and try to keep your voice steady regardless of how nervous she’s making you feel. how are you supposed to teach her while she’s practically undressing you with her eyes?
“so, can you show me how you could solve this kind of problem?”, you ask. after a few moments of silence and ellie scratching her head, you giggle, noticing she looks a bit spaced out.
“jeez, am i that boring of a tutor that you’re zoning out?”, you tease. she chuckles and shakes her head, “no, not at all. these kinds of problems just confuse me is all, i really don’t know where to start.”
you scoot your chair closer to her and aren’t sure if you imagine hearing her breath hitch. 
“okay so, show me exactly where you’re having problems."
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“holy shit. you’re a fucking genius. or a saint. both—whatever. i can’t believe i actually understand this,” ellie scoffs in disbelief. 
you smile at ellie and and shrug, “you had it in you. sometimes it just takes a bit of a push. i’m sure you’ll do great on your tests.”
ellie looks at you with a suddenly soft expression, suddenly realizing her appreciation for your help and being so patient with her. she also realizes that she might have a thing for nerds. she would be lying if she didn’t find your intelligence extremely sexy, as if you weren’t already hot enough.
“so, how am i going to repay you for this, y/n?” she asks, leaning towards you and brushing a hair out of your face. 
you let out a shy laugh at her sudden boldness, caught off guard by the cute girl’s fingers brushing against your skin. 
funnily enough, you had heard about ellie before. there was a small number of queer students on campus, and an even smaller circle of queer girls. and as it usually happens, lots of you knew of each other. in fact, you and ellie were both hooking up with the same girl, which was how you knew about her. just based on this, you assumed she was a bit of a womanizer, and her obvious flirting with you now seemed to align with this idea. 
but you aren’t put off by this—in fact, it only makes her more intriguing to you. behind your studious math-nerd image, you aren’t all that innocent either. 
“please, i already get paid to tutor. i’m just doing my job, so you don’t have to thank me any special way,” you reply, amusement laced in your tone.
“i know i don’t have to,” she states simply, “i want to. you helped me out, and i think it’s only right that i return the favor.” as she says this, ellie places her hand on your thigh, slowly moving it up as she looks into your eyes, waiting for a reaction. 
you raise an eyebrow at her, but once you smirk, ellie knows it’s game over. you lean in forward and lower your voice. “y’know, i think you might be right. i did, after all, save your grade in this class didn’t i?” 
you decide you’ll play along and see where this goes. after all, she was fucking hot. when she smirks at your response, you almost start drooling. 5 minutes ago, you were focused on integrals, but now all your brain can think is how fucking badly you want those long fingers to keep moving up your leg. 
“so how exactly are you going to repay me?” you ask, although you already had an idea of what she had in mind. 
even though ellie was hoping for this situation, she couldn’t believe you were actually down. when she realizes this, it goes straight to her clit. was she really about to fuck her hot tutor? 
ellie suddenly starts lowering herself under the desk.
“i think i can help you better down here.”
you just about come right in that moment, looking down at her mischievous green eyes from beneath you. your breath hitches and you look around to make sure that nobody is watching. 
“fuck. that’s so hot. okay… you just-you have to tell me if i’m being too loud, okay?”
ellie nods and can’t seem to wipe that smirk off her face as she crawls forward and positions her face so she could look under your skirt. you spread your legs slightly for her access and you can immediately feel her hot breath on your inner thighs, causing you to shudder. she looks up at you, making direct eye contact as she leaves wet kisses on your thighs, teasing you, even in this moment where she should be going quickly as to not get caught.
you bite your lip when she drags her middle finger over your clothed heat, then slowly rubs your clit through the pink fabric. you hear her curse to herself and you feel yourself getting wetter as each excruciating moment passes. after a few moments, she pulls your panties to the side to view your soaked pussy. 
“you’re already so wet,” she quietly groans. you almost whine when she brings her mouth so close to your center, looking up at you from her hooded eyelids and just holding herself there to tease you just a little bit longer. 
ellie takes a mental snapshot of your desperate expression as you look down at her, with your lips between your teeth and eyebrows furrowed. but she can’t wait any longer herself. needing to taste you, she licks a long strip from up your pussy and you immediately find yourself choking back a moan. 
ellie seems pleased by your reaction and starts leaving wet kisses on your clit, sucking lightly as she pulls away and alternating with gentle flicks of her tongue. its driving you absolutely crazy how gentle and slow she’s being, and you start to roll your hips to satiate her relentless teasing. she knows that it’s not enough but she’s also aware of how much more wet it’s making you. 
she sucks a little harder on your clit and your head falls back as you gasp in pleasure. then she pulls away, lightly smacking your thigh. 
“uh uh, keep looking at me. i want you to watch me while i make you feel good, baby,” she murmurs before she dives back in.
you pull your head back down to watch her with your mouth slightly agape and see her low-lidded eyes are clouded with lust. your back arches as you feel her the pressure of her tongue increase and watch her bob her head up and down under your skirt. ellie isn’t holding back and you can hear the messy, wet noises her mouth makes against your cunt in the quiet library. everything about the situation was borderline pornographic, and you almost feel dizzy from how much it was turning you on. without stopping her mouth movements, you feel her one of her fingers rub against your entrance before plunging deep into your cunt, causing you to let out a little moan. her eyes flick up back to yours, giving you a dangerous look as a warning. one of your hands clasps over your mouth to muffle your sounds as best you can. 
“feels good, doesn’t it?” she whispers, and you nod in response, causing her to tsk at you. “i want to hear you say it. tell me how good i’m making you feel,” she demands, slipping in a second finger. 
when you remove your hand, you accidentally let out another small whimper, and you respond as best as you can, “it f-feels so good. fuck, it’s too good,” you whisper, eyes rolling back into your skull.
satisfied with your answer, she reattaches her mouth to your clit and sucks harshly, forcing you to bite your fingers to hold back your sounds. her fingers speed up as well, and you can hear the lewd sounds of your wetness even louder now. you’re getting dangerously close, and she can tell by how your insides clench around her fingers. 
“s-shit, i’m close, ellie,” you half-whisper, half-whine. 
“i know, baby.”
she continues her assault with her tongue and fingers, doing her best to drive you crazy. she can feel her own wetness growing between her legs as she listens to your muffled sounds. when she sees your face, all fucked out and desperate, she nearly cums on that alone. “you gonna come for me?”
“mhmm,” you whimper, unable to respond properly as your mind and body are completely clouded with pleasure. your hands find her hair, needing somewhere to grab as the intensity became too much for you, causing her to moan into you, and the vibrations of her voice push you over the edge.
your body freezes up completely for a moment, then jolts as your release hits you, hard. you can’t help but moan and your legs shake as she keeps her pace, prolonging your orgasm for as long as she can. when the overstimulation becomes too much, you push her head away from you causing her lips to detach from you with a pop. you gasp for air and your body trembles as you come down from your high. 
when your vision unblurs, you see her still between your legs, lips and chin covered in a combination of your wetness and her spit, and watch her smirk before she cleans her fingers off with her mouth. it’s the most erotic view you’ve ever seen—you could cum a second time.
she helps you put your panties back on and slowy rises from under the table, looking around to make sure the coast is still clear. she chuckles when she sees you still slumped in your chair, recovering and wraps her arm around your waist to help you up. 
“how was that for repayment?” she teases.
you chuckled, still out of breath, and hoped that she’d be setting up more sessions with you in the future.
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beneathashadytree · 2 years
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heyy i just saw that you write for knb so pls can i have headcanons for aomine with black s/o that plays tennis ?
POWER COUPLE - AOMINE DAIKI X READER
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Warnings : Aomine is a bit of a perv (obviously), couple of curse words, black!reader and blasian!Aomine, this is not proofread, reader is gender-neutral!
Genre : fluff <3
Word count : 0.9K words
Additional notes : Thank you so much for requesting for KnB! 🥰 It’s one of my favorite shows, but the fandom has pretty much gone into hiding 🫠However, I’d like to comment on something, nonnie. As someone who is very heavily mixed and has never been represented in any piece of media, or in any work of fanfiction, I’ve tried to rectify that by making absolutely sure to never describe any body type or size, facial features, race and ethnicity, sexual orientation, personal experiences, religious beliefs, or even something as silly as hair length—unless, of course, it is a comfort fic that has been specifically requested by a person, which I have considered this to be, or an emergency request. I aim to be as inclusive as possible with my writing by making zero references to anything detailed, because the last thing I would want is to see someone feel disappointed that they do not feel seen. Fics are a source of comfort for everyone, after all. I did write this just as you’d wanted it, nonnie, but I hope everyone understands where I’m coming from by keeping all my readers so vaguely described! All things aside, I hope you like this one because I personally loved writing it (and honestly I related to a lot of these points; particularly with wash day being today… yikes) 💗
Requests : Are open! Check the rules over here.
Want to support me financially? Here’s my CashApp.
Masterlist
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Now I am of the firm belief that Aomine himself is blasian with a close extended family and I will die on this hill, so bear this in mind as you read on
He’s… a piece of work, to say the least
It took a lot of time to convince him that no, ogling at magazines is not exactly acceptable behavior when he’s no longer a bachelor
But then again, he slowly found himself losing interest in the pinups anyways the further his relationship developed with his sweetheart
After all, his eyes always trailed after them no matter what, completely enraptured by them and their body regardless of how they were feeling (yes, even as they scolded him) to the extent that he’d even grin
Needless to say, this granted him a lot of annoyed “Eyes up here, Daiki”s, but they never quite found it in their heart to actually get mad at him; not when he always looked like he’d never take his eyes off them like that
It was equal parts flattering and embarrassing, really
As someone who’d spent quite literally half his life dedicated to sport (or as dedicated as he felt like being, in all honesty), he was ten times more appreciative of their figure because he knows damn well just how much effort goes into maintaining it like that
Every toned muscle, every curve and indentation; it had him spell-bound and admiring just how hardworking they are to be this… ridiculously hot
Speaking of sports, Aomine might be the best boyfriend when it comes to having an athletic partner, even if he’s a little embarrassing
He wasn’t particularly interested in tennis—or anything aside from basketball, really—but he sure as hell was in awe with how much effort they put in on the daily
Early morning runs, gym sessions, tennis practices day in day out; they really worked themselves to the bone to aim for their goal, and there wasn’t anything he found more attractive than that
He’d be the sort of boyfriend who’d show up to matches with a devilish smirk and tell his partner to go kick some ass—the loud, proud boyfriend if you will
You’re sorely mistaken if you think his inflated ego doesn’t extend to his lover’s incredible achievements
Any cheating or misconduct from their opponent? You can bet he’s spewing filth from the sidelines at the top of his lungs (and yes his lack of subtlety got him kicked out of the stands more than just the one time)
But honestly, his slight vulgarity is pretty motivating, because they know that they’ve got a supportive boyfriend to back them up
Come win, come loss, he’s always there to share every moment with them, a lazy arm draped around their shoulders
Given his genius in his own sport, they should prepare themselves for his grumbling and lack of enthusiasm whenever they go out to practice
Cut him some slack; he’s never had to work much when his prodigy far surpassed anyone else’s talents, so practicing was simply a waste of time for him for a couple of years, and he might discourage them in that regard
Aomine might be a little tactless sometimes and say unintentionally cruel things, but then again he’s still learning how to rely on someone else; it’s been so long since he had someone place absolute faith in him while simultaneously having high expectations of him
He very clearly struggles with openly expressing how he feels, so it will take some time for them to feel like they have him completely to themselves, all vulnerabilities exposed to them
However, he truly does appreciate their honesty and openness with him, because it encourages him to do the same; the reassurance that this is a safe space eventually gets to him
Given how his cousins and extended family were always around when they were little, he’s got some helpful experience dealing with levels late-3/4 curly/coily hair, and would absolutely be a great help when it comes to wash day… that is, if they can deal with his impatience throughout the entire process
He’s got the strength and deft fingers for it though, so they let him earn his pay (that pay being an obscene amount of make out sessions and begrudging cuddles that he’ll never admit to craving)
Despite being dark-skinned like his father, Aomine tends to get sunburnt very easily, so after he stubbornly grits his teeth and ends up achey and irritated with his burns for years, they force him to finally apply sunscreen—and he’ll be happy to return the favor, especially if they’re on the beach together and his hands get to wander a little over the expanse of exposed skin
The field of professional sports have had a very long, deep-rooted history in systemic racism, and he’s seen the effects firsthand as a blasian pro-basketball player in Japan, so there’s no one better than him to understand what his partner goes through in the world of tennis
Every vent of frustration is one he takes very seriously; it’s one of the rare times he listens intently without making any cheeky or annoying comments
Whether they want him to interfere and submit a formal complaint is up to them, but he’s just as willing to simply give them some much-needed emotional support and get angry on their account
It makes them all the more proud of their achievements, knowing just how much more they’d struggled than your Average White Joe, and that triggers Aomine’s boasting of his incredible, strong, badass lover
Yes he’s a dick but he’s their dick
All in all, it’s a learning curve, but he’s generally a very fiery person, so once things betwen them have been established as being pretty serious, he’s an A+ supportive boyfriend
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Taglist: @mrsgiovanna
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star-arcana · 4 months
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Prince of Persia The Lost Crown Immortal Showcase Nr#2: Vahram, The White Lion!!!
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Hello everyone, here I am again for another Immortal Showcase for the upcoming Prince of Persia game, The Lost Crown!
Today, I will showcase you the fierce and cunning leader of the Immortals: Vahram:
Vahram is known as the White Lion of Persepolis [Persepolis was the capital of the first Persian Empire in the real world, the Achaemenid Empire, and lies in modern day Iran], not simply because of his chic armor or his undoubtedly good looks, but because of the fierceness and sharp intellect that he possesses, allowing him to pretty much become the greatest and best warrior in the Kingdom!!!
Vahram is not just the leader of the often-mentioned Immortals, but their founder!!!
Even from an early age, he was a cunning and powerful warrior, who got noticed by the Queen of Persia, Thomyris, who made him her most trusted general and report to her directly. For his great service and convinced that Persia needs more talented warriors like Vahram, Queen Thomyris tasked him with recruiting other powerful warriors in service of Persia!!! A mission he gladly took and succeeded in completion with the recruitment of its youngest member... Sargon!!!
With his outstanding skills as warrior and good leadership, he became a role model and mentor for many in Persia, including his Immortals, who follow him without question!
Due to his great connection to the throne, Vahram and his elite soldiers enjoy a lot more freedom to do what they want in battle than the more drilled and stricter general forces of Persia, and as such, get to perform one of Vahram's occasionally high-risky maneuvers or unorthodox tactics into the mix of his otherwise rather old-school-looking playbook of warfare, which in combination of the above stuff won them many a battle!
Once the Prince was kidnapped, he and his Immortals were set out to retrieve him at Mt.Qaf, a place that was cursed, where time no longer flows like a river would...
In order to find the Prince the fastest way possible, Vahram came up with a plan that can be described in modern terms as a Teen-Horror-Movie-like-split-up, that would allow them to find Prince Ghassan before anyone else!!!
Vahram would do ANYTHING to save his beloved Kingdom, and if someone were to fatally underestimate his cunning and battle prowess, they would surely fall to him quickly and without any way to get up, unless they earn his mercy, or just REALLY get lucky here!!!
However, the mission he partook in with the Immortals is not one easily bested, but regardless of difficulty, Vahram won't give up easily! He is the leader of the Immortals for a hundred of reasons and will do his best to save Persia!!!
Will his plan succeed or fail in finding the Prince? Will Sargon make his mentor (other than Anahita) proud? Find out on 18th January, once this game releases!!!
Stay tuned for more and fact of the day:
Vahram is super hot!!!
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leogichidaa · 2 years
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Who Says You Can't Go Home?: Revisiting the Lost Boys
So I am thinking once again about Sirius, Percy, and BCJ, and the parallels in their arcs. And I was thinking about the way that Percy's arc is distinct in that he reunifies with his family, when it struck me that while that may be so, all three of them went home, for one reason or another.
BCJ went home because he had no other choice. And btw can you imagine if your parents came to you, while you were in prison, and told you they were breaking you out and your mother would die in your place? How insane! I literally just cannot get over this. I know Crouch Sr. got leeway because of his position, but it's wild that there's so little security that they could walk in, explain to BCJ, give him the potion, make the swap, and walk out. Not even touching the fact that they walked in with vials of Polyjuice Potion, enough that his mother took them until she died. What else could they have walked in there with? You would think there would be even just one human there. And, seeing as there weren't any humans, you would think there would be more escapes.
Regardless, BCJ went home. His mother saved him from death in prison and his father created a prison in home. His return home is the most interesting of the three and by far the most chilling. In his childhood home, which was likely full of harsh, imposing rules when he was growing up, he was forced into compliance with the Imperius curse. In his childhood home, lacking the love his mother brought into the equation, he learned to fight off the curse and to free himself from his father's rule, once and for all, with a singular goal in mind: returning to the service of Lord Voldemort.
This, too, BCJ does. From home to the Death Eaters, from the Death Eaters to Azkaban, from Azkaban to home, and from home back again to the Death Eaters. And from the Death Eaters, finally, to a fate worse than death (another fate worse than death, for he has arguably suffered two already, imprisoned in Azkaban and imprisoned by his father).
Sirius' arc is slightly different, but also very similar to BCJ's. It is interesting to contrast the two. I think it's pretty obvious who suffered the worse fate, but it is also notable that while BCJ was saved, rescued by his mother and his reluctant father, Sirius was left to rot by his family, such of it that survived. No one came for Sirius. Sirius had to rescue himself.
And when he did, when he freed himself, he, too, went home. He, too, found himself trapped in his childhood home, full of childhood hurts and deep seated miseries. He too found it empty of anything that may have been warm for him, as everyone but his deranged house elf was dead. Like the Crouch family, the House of Black was decaying, dying out, and in disrepair.
Sirius is freer than BCJ but still, ultimately, stuck. From home to the Order, from the Order to Azkaban, from Azkaban to home. From home to death. As the Crouch family line dies out with BCJ, so too the Black family line dies with Sirius.
Percy is still in many ways the odd one out here. He suffers the least consequences for his rebellion (his move was also the least dramatic--the Order and the Ministry were not aligned when Percy left home, but they were loosely aligned in the past). But while the narrative offers explicit sympathy for Sirius and BCJ (significant blame is placed on Crouch Sr. for BCJ's path), there is no sympathy for Percy. Not one character in the series thinks or expresses that Percy may have had even one valid reason to leave home.
Which is frankly alarming. I find BCJ's family situation plenty sympathetic, but how bizarre is it that the Death Eater who almost single handedly orchestrated Voldemort's return is given more narrative sympathy than an ambitious young man who just wanted his family to be proud of him and whose worst crime was denial?
Percy has the least interesting and the least satisfying arc, but in a narrative sense it is critically important. When he returns home (in a more metaphorical sense), he does not find it lacking in its old warmth. He does not find himself trapped, stuck, or punished. He is allowed to move forward.
BCJ and Sirius return home physically, but they seek no reconciliation, they show no interest in coming home in a metaphorical sense, and they offer no forgiveness to their family of origin. And they meet their end for it. Not so for Percy. He makes amends. He gets the happy(ish) ending.
I had an old English teacher in high school who said that if you want to put a theme in your story, you should tell it in threes. She said it's Shakespearean. She was very pro-Shakespeare. You tell it in threes, but you shift it a little each time.
BCJ's arc is completed first: the saddest, the cruelest, the most hopeless. Sirius comes next, his fate a little softer, but the message a little clearer (if you cannot make your peace with your past then your past will tell all your secrets to your DE cousin and get you killed). Percy, finally, brings the message home: forgiveness is key. You must confront and come to terms with your origins or they will eat you alive.
It's not a bad message and it's not a terribly done theme, but it would have been nice if the Weasleys also apologized. Because they should have done. Justice for Percy.
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wistfulcynic · 7 months
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@optomisticgirl tag-summons me and i answer 😘
Rules: Go to your published works on AO3 and list the first fic you ever published there, the last fic you published, any fic that you wrote for a fandom/ship only once, your favorite fic you wrote in the fandom/ship that has the most works, the fic you wish more people read, the fic you agonized over the most, the fic that sprang fully formed from your mind without any effort, and a work you are proud of—for whatever reason. <3
First fic: Sea Drift, an excruciatingly navel-gazey Killian Jones character study that becomes and almost not bad S3 no-curse mini-fic then dips a toe into an alt S4 before i got tired of it. Part of me almost wants to rewrite the no-curse stuff but as things stand i cannot in good conscience recommend it.
Last fic: On the Side of the World, a Good Omens third season pre-write. This one i can and do recommend. i'm having such a good time writing it. Please read it and validate me with comments
Only once: A World in Lilac Hues, my Pride and Prejudice modern AU. The only P&P fic i will ever write and ironically the most popular fic of mine by several country miles.
Favorite fic from the fandom I've written in most: i am pretty fond of a lot of my CS fics but the edge probably has to go to To Keep It All The Year. Not a Christmas Carol AU but inspired by it, with similar themes and structure and one of my favourite sadboi Killians and beyond a doubt the best ending i've ever written. Consistently the only one of my fics that makes me cry and one that i reread every year.
Fic I wish more people read: On the Side of the World, probably, because it's the current WIP and i love it and frankly the ship has sailed on CS and OFMD. If you don't want to read those it's your loss and i am not the boss of you, sorry you have bad taste in fanfic (this is only partly a joke). But OTSOTW is my current baby and like all parents i am prepared to make strangers admire it by force if necessary.
Fic I agonized over: idk if agonise is really the word but i wrote all the perfect things (that i doubt) for @ohmightydevviepuu and i wanted it to be Just Right for her so i gave it a lot of thought.
Fic that sprang fully formed: do you know why we have the sunflowers i wrote in about an hour. It was just There in my head. (also fave OFMD fic)
Work(s) I'm proud of: listen, i am not modest about my fic and currently not in the mood to be coy about it. i'm proud of all of it, even the rough early stuff and the ones with great big visible flaws. Some of them i would never want to read again but i'm still proud of them because they were part of the journey. Read them or don't, they will continue to be good regardless.
A tag to summon @thisonesatellite @idoltina @iverna @chocolatepot @kmomof4
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bijoumikhawal · 2 years
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life times in enemy territory- a garak playlist
Commentary about why each song under the cut!
Better than me- the Brobecks Look at what you've done, now I'm a mess/Today I even thought I'd wear a dress/It's beautiful, so smart/And no good for me/At all
Commentary track: Garak at Ba’amaren. Surrounded mostly by upper class idiots strutting about and looking down on him even though they feel the need to steal the credit for his tactical knowledge, developing emotions for both people who are actually kind and the first man to ever beat him up.
Hallelujah- Leonard Cohen Your faith was strong but you needed proof/You saw her bathing on the roof/Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew her/She tied you to a kitchen chair/She broke your throne, and she cut your hair/And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Commentary track: more ASIT references- a poet overthrown by his love of a woman, who he explicitly connects to faith and religion? Fits the vibe pretty hard. A similar vibe is the Lesbian version of Maddy Groves I can't put on this playlist because it's only on bandcamp.
Brutus- the Buttress I always knew I could be the one/Though I feel the endless pain of being/And I am scorched by the sun/Of humble origins and born of the cursed sex/My name is Brutus, but the people will call me Rex
Commentary track: not on this playlist for the gendervibes, more for the utter jealousy and the fact that Garak would fume about a song related to Ceasar being associated with him.
Alligator Teeth- Mother Falcon Things are not like they seem/Things are not like they seem/Things are not like they seem/That’s what I’ve learned of dreams
Commentary track: a song about anxiety and hypervigilance. Not much else to it.
Explode- Patrick Stump They said that they found it in the basement/Enough to just blow that roof to the pavement/And he was the man for the job/A one-man bomb squad/A middle aged mess thinking
Commentary track: Garak whenever anyone goes "hey you, the former spy, we need you to do spy stuff".
Lovesong- Snake River Conspiracy However far away, I will always love you/However long I stay, I will always love you/Whatever words I say, I will always love you/I will always love you
Commentary track: a dark romance song about utter devotion regardless of what someone does to you. Describes far too many of Garak's relationships.
Live by the Sword- Dorian Electra It's cold like the ocean cold like the rain/Show your devotion, show me the pain/Show me the blood, show me you tried/Show me the tears coming down from your eyes
Commentary track: there's a video on YouTube analyzing the Flamboyant album through a trans lens, and this one is read as describing a threat- if you want to live like this (out and proud), you're gonna die like this. It also works as a parallelism between Garak's two fathers- Tolan, warning him to chose a life other than violence, and Tain, urging him to take power through violence.
Father- The Front Bottoms I have this dream that I am hitting my dad with a baseball bat/And he is screaming and crying for help/And maybe halfway through it has more to do with me killing him/Then it ever did protecting myself
Commentary track: Garak has daddy issues... bit of a Garak/Palandine vibe as well, and kind of a gender vibe.
Villainous Thing- Shayfer James Oh dear, let me see those smokey eyes/'Cause you're a villainous thing/And we can't have you living a lie/Oh dear, let's remove those pretty clothes/'Cause you're a villainous thing, oh/And I don't think anyone knows
Commentary track: Garak talking about someone else? Someone talking about Garak? Works either way
Our Word- 36 Questions And as I laid there helplessly/A million different thoughts came to me/I saw my parents hearing the news/"Your only daughter drowned today"/I thought about what they might say
Commentary track: a family that teaches their child to lie to the point where lying is the natural and expected reaction to any complicated emotion or situation.
Hatef--k- the Bravery And there will be no tenderness, no tenderness/There will be no tenderness, no tenderness/I will show no mercy for you/you had no mercy for me/The only thing that I ask, love me mercilessly
Commentary track: Garak's relationship to far too many people, but specifically Barkan. We know Barkan doesn't consider his enjoinment to actually prohibit him from sleeping with other people- he and Garak definitely had bad sex while they were at school together.
The Moss- Cosmo Sheldrake Well, legend has it when the sunbeams come/All the plants, they eat them with their leaves/Well, legend has it that the world spins 'round/On an axis of 23 degrees
Commentary track: this is almost entirely vibes based, at best I can say it's connecting to Garak's relationship with Tolan and Hebitian religion.
The Heroine- Unwoman I go through the motions again and again/But you are not here to see them/I go through the emotions again and again/And this time I actually feel them
Commentary track: Garak's feelings of abandonment on post canon Cardassia, if you buy that Julian wouldn't immediately start triaging people after the bombardment.
Dust and Ashes- Josh Groban How did I live?/I taste every wasted minute/Every time I turned away/From the things that might have healed me/How long have I been sleeping?
Commentary track: credit to @ofhouseadama on this one; I hadn't paid any mind to Great Comet in years, and she's right, it is a REALLY fitting post canon Garak song.
Honorable Madam- Daniel Kahn and Vanya Zhuk Honorable Madam/Queen of Separation/Many years we've been/The very closest of relations/I beg you, do not taunt me/Don't tear my words apart/If Death don't want me/How about your heart?/I beg you, do not taunt me/Don't tear my words apart/If Death don't want me/How about your heart?
Commentary track: it was very hard to chose a lyric selection. This song very much reminds me if my own fucked up relationship to the idea of homelands, borders, and "seperation". Interpret the "honorable madam" who is both "loving and oppressing" and its pretty decent song to describe Garak's relationship to Cardassia.
Circus- Lindsay Mendez Hello kind sir I'm so glad you never met me/You're my first one so forgive me if it's messy/Just to be fair/I admit that I'm scared/And sorry for what I must do
Commentary track: this one's creepy! And fucked up! Just like Garak's relationship to literally everything because of being raised with the expectation of being a spy, torturer, and assassin from a young age- especially if you think he honeypotted. Blending the lines of intimacy and violence.
Writer in the Dark- Lorde I am my mother's child, I'll love you 'til my breathing stops/I'll love you 'til you call the cops on me/But in our darkest hours, I stumbled on a secret power/I'll find a way to be without you, babe
Commentary track: Garak has mommy issues too, it's equality. Also a song about abandonment and learning to move on.
Adam Raised a Cain- Murder by Death (cover) In the darkness of your room/Your mother calls you by your true name/You remember the faces, the places, the names/You know it's never over it's relentless as the rain
Commentary track: the secrets and violence your parents teach you.
Compulsive Liar- Ezra Furman I've got one fatal flaw/I'm a compulsive liar/If I don't love you/I will tell you anything/And even if I love you/I'll always be conniving/I'll always be negotiating with the truth
Commentary track: lying, closets, and queer subtext! About the ways lying and confinement feel safer than the truth and freedom.
A body on the step- American Murder Song Was a mother, was a mother, burning someone's clothes/Was a mother, was a mother, burning someone's clothes/With rope in her apron and black for an eye/A body on the step and lies all about
Commentary Track: yet another song about a family that lies and ruins each others lives, but especially their children's. Also a really good song to write to.
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moon, family, aaaaaand bouquet for both ahrora and giselle :o)
YIPPIE YIPPIE YIPPIE giselle's answer are regarding her as an adult/the second wol after rora retires.
🌙 MOON - what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?
Ahrora - Ahrora's wish is pretty simple; she just wants to explore anything she can get to. Her wanderlust truly is limitless. Even though she is the Warrior of Light to help people, she became and adventurer first so she could travel the realm. And now she gets to explore entire new worlds, and she won't rest until she's explored every single shard.
Giselle - Giselle's wish is to live up to the legacy she knows she has. Daughter of the Azure Dragoon and the Crystal Exarch, raised by the satrap of Radz-at-Han, and trained by the Warrior of Light. She's hyper-aware of it all, though she's not one for politics at all. She's also the oldest of her siblings, so just in general she feels a ton of expectations on her. So she wants to live up to them all, and be able to be proud of carrying the title of The Azure Warrior.
👪 FAMILY - what is their family like? what is your ocs relationship to them? does your oc have any siblings?
Ahrora - With how she defines family, that's like half the characters in the game, so zeroing in on her immediate chosen family, she has a dad (Xiao Song), a nb parental figure she refers to as her mom (Meihui Song, who's also her cousin), six younger siblings (all adopted by her parents), an older sibling (that's an older sibling bc of the world unsundered), and she considers Estinien's kids her own siblings too LMFAO. She's very close with all of the people she considers siblings, and is close with her adoptive parents too! As for biological siblings... her birth mother was far too sick to have another child, and her biological father never wanted to try again due to being convinced by his cult tribe that he's been cursed by Menphina, so she's an only child, a very unusual circumstance for a Keeper of the Moon Miqo'te. Her birth mother is dead (but Biyuan did love Ahrora), and her birth father is a RPR who can't ever be in contact with her because if he hears her voice it makes it a lot easier for his voidsent to posses him and make him lose control.
Giselle - Giselle is the daughter of Estinien and G'raha Tia, and was raised in Radz-at-Han by Estinien and Vrtra. She has four younger siblings, a sister who's 8 months younger than her and three brothers who are 5 years younger than her. She considers Ahrora an older sister, as Ahrora helped raise her and also trained with her when she expressed a desire to become an adventurer. She's close with her siblings, and is especially protective of her younger sister Divya. She considers Estinien, G'raha, and Vrtra her parents, though due to distance, she's a bit less connected to G'raha, despite carrying his first name as her last (and y'know being visibly a Seeker of the Sun Miqo'te). She pretends she's not aware that the circumstances of her birth wasn't a circumstance of love, because she knows they love her regardless.
💐 BOUQUET - create a bouqet for them! what do those flowers mean? are any of the flowers their particular favourite?
oh i am gonna be SO bad at this i SUCK at this bc i'm so specific with flowers. especially for rora bc a lot of flowers have a romantic meaning and rora is romance-repulsed.
Ahrora - Gerbera daisies (cheerfulness), chrysanthemum, cosmos (joy), and gardenia (hope/family).
Giselle - Gladiolus (strength), daffodil (hope for the future/new beginnings), and gardenia (hope/family).
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mainssj · 2 years
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Gramps pipe tales of zestiria
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“I’m glad you know my name,” he assured him. He leaned forward, his lips close to his friend’s ear, as he made sure his whisper would be heard by only him. He looked absolutely devastated and that, more than anything, broke Mikleo’s heart. Sorey took a deep breath, wiping his face off on his sleeve. “It’s not your fault,” he assured him quietly as he held the door open. Mikleo forced a smile, not wanting to make him feel as though he too was upset. “I’m so sorry!” he rushed to say, his green eyes brimming with tears even as his cheeks were already stained in the trails of those spent. Sorey was indeed standing there, looking more miserable than Mikleo had imagined. It felt like an eternity before he finally opened the door into the orange light of a setting sun. Mikleo nodded again, bowing his head as he hurried to leave, his footsteps however weighed down with his guilt. He’s undoubtedly waiting for you just outside the door.” Gramps puffed on his pipe again and gestured for Mikleo to rise. His blind agreement seemed enough for the time being. He was sure it’d be made clear before too long. It seemed a serious enough request not to simply obey regardless of what it meant. Mikleo nodded even though he didn’t quite understand. Promise me you will not share in his physical maturity in the same way he has shared in your own progression.” Where you were granted a true name, his progression will be much more…. “Sorey will soon be entering a very trying part of his human development. “Where what ends?” Mikleo asked, his curiosity winning out over his other warring emotions. “And while I did not think to prepare either of you for an understanding of such intimacies, I cannot say I am entirely surprised either. “You are both so eager to grow up,” he muttered. And you have given all of yourself to a boy who is not yet mature enough to appreciate such a gift.” The older seraphim shook his head, his heavy brows hanging low over his eyes. It is, at its core, you in your entirety. “Your true name is not just a secret, Mikleo. Mikleo’s face felt all the reader as embarrassment and shame uncomfortably mixed. I don’t mean to imply that Sorey would ever misuse the power you’ve given him, but the consequences of such actions were not meant for ones as young as the two of you to contend with.” Gramps sighed loudly, raking his fingers through the ash to erase the trouble writings. He nodded minutely, feeling self conscious under his stare. It was hard not to blush and thus Mikleo turned his head. “Do you understand what it means to give someone, especially a human, your true name?” he asked at length. He tried so hard to make his guardian proud. Mikleo would have much preferred anger to that. Gramps didn’t look angry, he looked disappointed. It was not anger in his face that Mikleo was fearful of, though. He was a very patient guardian but it was obvious it was a harder virtue to maintain at the moment. Gramps drew deeply from his pipe and exhaled the trails of smoke out through his nose. There was nothing really to say except, quietly, “He thought it sounded pretty.” Context was enough to tell him exactly what was scratched into the ash and a cold weight settled in his gut as he waited, hands clenching against his thighs. “Do you want to explain, then, why this is what I found Sorey practicing his penmanship on?” With his pipe, he gestured out towards the ash on the edges of his hearth. Gramps nodded, seemingly pleased with his recitation. Seraphim must guard their true name to ensure it may never be used against them,” Mikleo recalled, doing his best to be as precise as possible to the words used in the lecture he’d heard months ago. A true name is both a blessing and a curse in that it allows for very deep connections but does so through the surrender of certain powers of will. “You said true names have a special power that can bind a seraph to someone else’s command and thus should not be freely disclosed. Either way, it was an easy enough lesson to repeat. Under different circumstances, he might have considered it simply a quiz. This question did not illuminate anything for Mikleo. “Do you remember what I told you when your true name was revealed?” Gramps asked at last, his pipe laying idle in his hands. He could think of nothing to have caused the worried frown he’d seen on Sorey’s face. They’d been doing school work just as Gramps had asked them to. He and Sorey hadn’t even ventured off into the ruins that day. He knew he was in trouble but he had no idea what he’d done. He knew because Gramps kept his back turned even as he sat beside the fire and fell quiet for far too long. He knew because Gramps told Sorey to wait outside, the human’s expression somewhat panicked as the door closed between them.
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pen-observing · 3 years
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request: how lucifer, mammon, satan, belphegor and diavolo react and find out about you having 'I now own your soul' under the terms and conditions of a webpage.
Lucifer:
While Lucifer is certainly busy all the time, and tries to balance it by having you in his study as he works, he can’t hide how tired he has actually been for the past 4 weeks.
All you know is that Diavolo has made the meetings more frequent and they are taking a toll on him
And since he means that much to you, regardless of if you wish to acknowledge it or not, you have to ask what is going on once he stands up and walks over to reach for another bottle from his shelf Lucifer does not drink that often and he certainly doesn’t try to avoid work by drinking.
Just what could be making him act this way?
“Lucifer, you have to tell me what is going on.”
He stands on his side of the desk just pouring another glass down.
Curse him for being elegant and showing his forearms while doing so!
And then he dares to look at you with full focus and furrowed eyebrows and he is about to say something and he looks like-
‘no. You are human.’
Fuck.
“Come on! You know I won’t tell anyone!”
He does trust you at least after so long.
"Very well. I will tell you since it has something to do with a human. If, by any chance, you spread the information, the price you pay will be a heavy one."
He can’t intimidate you that much but you know when he is serious.
"You see, recently, Diavolo has had more issues than ever with someone we like to call ‘code soul stealer"
“Uhn,, and that is?”
He takes a sip of his drink and holds the glass while looking at you.
“Apparently, a pesky human added ‘I now own your soul’ in their terms and conditions on a web page and some application. With this, they have stolen many souls and Diavolo has grown even more concerned these past few weeks since the page is just gaining popularity.”
Oh fuck, oh fuck. Thats you that he is calling a pesky human! You only did it as a joke because you saw a meme! It wasn’t supposed to make an enemy out of you to the prince of hell!
How are you supposed to tell Lucifer that? How will he react?
Maybe if you do tell him it will actually create more good than harm?
Or, you could hide it for the rest of your life and- no! The honest way with Lucifer is the best way. He trusts you enough so you have to trust him too!
“Lucifer...I am the pesky human you are referring to...”
He drops the glass. 
“I swear I had no idea souls were actually real and now I own a lot of them! O-On the good side I went viral 4 weeks ago so...oh, that is why you’ve been so busy....sorry.”
Lucifer says nothing.
He just falls into the chair in the most dramatic way you’ve ever seen.
He covers his face with both hands and groans into them loudly.
If you were not ‘code soul stealer’ you would laugh at him right now. But he has to figure out a way to protect you now.
Mammon:
You see, dating Mammon means that you two will bicker plenty.
However, it is usually silly stuff that you bicker about like; are gold or silver lines better on this cup of tea or not?
He just loves you too much to get into a serious argument with you.
However, Levi dragged you both to play a spy/heist game that just came out and Mammon cannot accept to lose such a challenge.
He is not proud that people call him thief, but he is proud and believes he has the skills to back up his many enrichment-plans
So the fact that you won against him for 3 times in a row is UNNACCEPTABLE under this dark, dark sky.
Mammon denies it all. ‘i went easy on you’; ‘I did it cuz you are happy when you win’ and ‘please, don’t you know who I am? I am THE Mammon!”
And while he is cute while bickering, sometimes it becomes unbearable.
So, you do what any normal human would: you challenge him by listing your biggest ‘heist’ ever.
“You don’t know who you are talking to! I have created a heist unlike any other! I have stolen a million souls so far! The DevilTV refers to me as – unstoppable soul collector!”
Levi left long ago so Mammon is standing there completely stunned with the stupidest look on his face so far. He kind of looks like a blowfish.
Still, he runs and puts a hand over your mouth and whispers:
“Don’t yell! We don’t want others to know that we run that business!”
Excuse him? Who is this –we- he speaks of?
“You will add your boyfriend to those plans, won’t you?”
Mammon will not let shock stand in the way of money or souls. You can explain to him how you managed that later but for now – just add him as your accomplice.
Satan:
You love your boyfriend.
You really, really do.
You love seeing him so excited and focused on finding clues to the newest Devildom mystery that you chose to let him have his fun by not telling him YOU were the one he was searching for.
And while you love him that much, you are about to ruin the whole game.
Why does he think it is appropriate to own 48 pairs of the same Sherlock Holmes outfit with THE UGLIEST MATCHING HATS YOU HAVE EVER LAID YOUR EYES ON.
First, he wore them in his ‘detective office’ only. Also known as the Lamentation house storage room for cleaning products. And that was fine, it was.
But then he started to wear them inside the house and in the garden. The saddest day was when a cat knocked the ugly hat off and ran away with it. Oh praise that cat! Praise the little paws!
However, he has gone too far.
He knows no bounds and shows no signs of stopping.
He started wearing the outfits OUTSIDE! In the middle of cobblestone paths of the main street while you were trying to have a nice date!
"Who knows where the soul snatching culprit could be hiding? I must wear this outfit everywhere to catch their clues. Trust me.”
That is it.
If one more iguana-looking-ass demon points their finger at you two and snickers as you walk past – he will have a rude wake up call.
How is it possible that he is trying to catch the culprit that is you but doesn’t pay any attention to you?
So, when you arrive home and he walks into the mop closet to add another unrelated photo to his crazy whiteboard as a clue – you tell him to sit down for a moment.
“Satan, honey, I have something to tell you about your soul snatching culprit.”
That definitely got his attention.
Finally! He is actually looking at you!
You lean down and gently kiss his head.
“I am the culprit you’re looking for. How does it feel to completely miss something right under your nose?”
He freezes up and throws a pen towards the whiteboard. It just bounces off and hits him in the back.
“You....you mean to tell me that,,, the biggest Devil Mystery TV phenomenon is ACTUALLY YOU?”
You are met with complete disbelief. Satan demands a detailed explanation on how you did it. He even tells you to use his whiteboard to retrace your steps!
...good luck...
Belphegor:
Will Belphegor ever actually publicly say that he has changed because of you? No.
Will he ever actually admit that to other brothers besides Beel when they’re talking in the late hours of the night in their room? Oh, absolutely not.
Will he tell you? Yes.
Yes but.. He will leave something out.
Sometimes Belphie looks at how you smile and remembers things that make him famous in this realm.
Yes, he is one of the most powerful demons and yes, he has a reputation of rebellion and the biggest steak of unattendance in RAD but
He is also a fairly famous scholar.
His papers and research are cited on the regular.
But when you smile and say a witty joke – he remembers that most of them focus around him proving just how dumb or naïve humans actually are.
But, you’re human and he hopes that you never see those.
Except that you do.
Because he is so famous it is no surprise that while looking for research papers to reference for your next assignment you saw his name while browsing through
And while you love him - you will not allow him to just diss the whole mankind.
So, you grab one of them from the library. Walk home, go to the attic while he is napping and open it up, putting it right on his face.
It takes a couple of seconds but he feels something is wrong and his hand reaches for it.
When he pulls it away, he is met with his thesis that was further developed from the seduction speech class assignment.
It sets it up as: ‘Seduction speech as a matter of blatant deception that humans always fall for but could never recreate.’
You are not even that mad at it to be honest.
But proving him wrong is always fun. And little does he know about your biggest secret ever.
“I will cut right to the chase and say – fix your bangs I want to see the way your eyes look when I tell you this!”
“I wonder who messed up my bangs with the academic paper in the first place?” is what he replies but his hand is already on his forehead.
“Whatever. Prepare to be amazed! I am the one the elders of the devildom are always ranting about on TV! Yes, I am the ‘pesky little human’ who is stealing away ‘edible’ souls! How is that for your thesis now? Is that not true deception?!”
He likes your smile still. You’re standing in front of the bed looking at him with sparkling eyes and clenched fists while striking a pose. It is silly really but he smiles.
Because you are.
And while he will ask you a bit more about that claim, he is just happy to know that maybe his next academic paper (which everyone eagerly awaits) will be tad more positive to your kind.
Diavolo:
You got an urgent call from Barbatos.
On the doorstep he told you that Diavolo needs you in his study.
What could you do that Barbatos can’t and will help Diavolo? Does such a thing even exist?
You walk inside of his office and are pretty sure Barbatos did not want to go inside because of the fact that a rat could be hiding under the mountain of papers that are all around the room.
Usually, Diavolo immediately stands up, lights up the room with his smile and stretches out his hands for a hug.
Now? He hears the doors open and looks at you with a weak smile while his head is resting on his elbows from behind the desk.
He has never looked worse.
“Barbatos said you called for me?”
You are unsure where to begin with this so you state a fact while thinking of questions to ask.
“He has? I have done no such thing?”
Great. Now both of you are confused.
“Can you tell me what is going on?”
Diavolo sighs and his smile is still nowhere to be seen.
“The elders have been so annoying lately. I understand that the biggest threat to the Devildom and everyone’s life here still has not been identified but there is nothing I can do except search!”
Just what threat is that? What could be making Diavolo so miserable?
“They keep comparing me to my father without actually offering any ways of fixing this!”
“I will try to offer some way if you tell me what the threat is!”
There you are, making a grand exclamation and promise while trying to avoid papers on the floor. Diavolo sighs again.
“A human is ruining our business! They somehow set up a page that allowed them to own souls by consent in some application under the terms and conditions. I mean, this has never happened before! Humans were never expected to think of that or have access to such means! And the name they used was fake. How am I supposed to find them and then burn them in the darkest pits of hell as the elders want me to?”
You stop trying to avoid the papers.
Did...did he just say darkest pits of hell? Did he just say the elders want YOU burned?!
How are you supposed to fix this? It was a fucking joke! You did not imagine this could ever happen!
“Diavolo you promised you would protect me no matter what, right?”
His eyes are serious when you say that. “Yes. I will. Is something amiss?”
“Diavolo.... I am the enemy your elders want to burn.. PLEASE DON’T LET THEM! MY SKIN JUST ADJUSTED TO THIS TEMPERATURE!”
Diavolo looks at you and laughs like never before. It is cute, it is childlike. His laugh finally lights up the room.
He thinks you are joking.
He thinks you are joking and abruptly stops once he realizes that you did not join in on the laugh.
You were just trying to crack a joke and make him feel better, right? There is no way that is true, right? But judging from your reaction he knows it is.
So, he grows serious once more.
He runs to embrace you.
“Please tell me you are willing to make a compromise because the elders do not care about how your skin adjusts to the temperature.”
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cursestothemoon · 3 years
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A Cruel Favor
Regulus Black x Fem!Slytherin!Reader
Request: Could I get and angsty and sad blurb with Regulus? Nothing specific in mind, Regulus’ entire life is pretty tragic already- just throwing some strained and kind of heartbreaking romance into that mix sorry i like pain this is how i cope
Summary: Your relationship with the youngest Black brother in the form of memories seen in a pensieve by Sirius Black.
Warnings: Death, sadness, crying, the dark mark, ghosts
Word Count: 3265
Author's Note: babe you asked for a blurb and i just did not listen i am so sorry, if you'd still like a blurb let me know and i'll whip up a little short piece but regardless i hope you enjoy this 😌
“You didn’t know him! You didn’t want to know him!” Your voice bellowed, trembling with the burning anger you held in your heart for the eldest Black brother.
It was true, back when the war was just ‘politics’ and the ‘Dark Lord’ a name whispered behind closed doors, Sirius Black had already made up his mind about his family- Regulus included.
“He was my brother.” Sirius spoke the statement as if just the mere fact of relation was supposed to trump that he hadn't even spoken to his brother in the months prior to his death.
You let out a bitter laugh, “Don’t lie for the sake of saving face, you never saw him as a brother; not then and certainly not now.”
Sirius seemed taken aback by your accusation, his words getting lost on his tongue for a moment before he quickly regained his fiery passion for argument.
“He betrayed me.”
“You were the one who betrayed him!” Your accusatory finger pointed at Sirius.
The eldest Black brother’s features went stoney, “The moment he decided to get that mark, was the moment he lost his name as my brother.”
Everything in the mangey old house seemed to still, a silence falling so powerful you could hear a pin drop. Your slow footsteps were exaggerated in the quiet, each creak ringing in both yours and Sirius’ ears. With a tired hand, you pushed a small pouch onto the surface of the dining room table, the vials inside clinking together softly.
“They’re numbered.” You breathed out. “There is so much you don’t know, Sirius.”
You walked through the door and onto the street hastily, not wasting any time to apparate back home.
Sirius sat down in the nearest chair with a huff, his knees spread as his shoulders slid down the back of the chair. He hadn’t remembered just how far up his brother’s ass you were.
Roughly, he rubbed his face with his palms before lazily reaching for the dark velvet pouch on the table. The emerald green reminded him not only of his brother, but of his entire family, the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. Sirius couldn’t help the groan that left his mouth at the memories of his family that seemed to plague his mind.
Fittingly, Sirius opened the pouch to reveal just that. The silvery, viscous tendrils that floated through each vial were immediately recognized by the pureblood. You had given him your memories...and a letter.
You deserve to know him.
Y/N L/N
Sirius’ curiosity regarding what secrets of his brother’s seemed to be swimming in the vials bubbled over, he was sure 12 Grimmauld Place was harbouring a pensieve somewhere within its walls, he’d just have to get up and find it.
17 October 1974
Barty Crouch Jr. was an insolent child, the type to collect bones and listen to them rattle. He had a nervous tick, his tongue slithering past his lips every so often in a manner that was so serpentine it made your skin prick.
“Come on then, L/N, be a good little girl and do as I say.”
You threw down your quill in frustration, “Bugger off, Crouch. I’ve said no.”
“Don't be like that,” Barty smirked, coming closer to where you were sitting. “It’s only some homework. You were going to do yours anyway, why not get some extra practice in by doing mine too?”
“I’d rather have unforgivables practiced on me than do anything you ask.”
His sickly sweet smile wasn’t one you were expecting, his voice low and threatening, “That can be arranged.”
Your blood ran cold as you watched his nimble fingers move toward his wand pocket in his robes. Truthfully, you should’ve known better. Being in the same house as Barty allowed you the luxury of hearing all the gossip surrounding him and his hobbies, dark magic and curses being at the top of that list.
“Barty.”
The cold baritone made the sandy-haired menace stop in his tracks, his face contorting into an expression of mild annoyance and frustration.
“There’s no need for you to be acting like a child. Quite humiliating asking someone else to do your work, isn’t it, Crouch? Are you too thick to get it done yourself?”
Barty turned to look at his friend, words jumbling as he tried to figure out how to get himself out of the hole he had dug.
“Reg-” The stone-like stare had Barty cowering and mouth snapping shut, the boy seemingly trying to fold in on himself.
With a simple nod of his head, Regulus directed the him to make himself useful elsewhere, but you were far too taken by the handsome boy in front of you to notice the stomping footsteps of Barty’s as he left. Of course you had known of Regulus Black, seen him from afar and even once had Transfiguration with him, but seeing him up close was an experience in and of itself. His skin was ghostly pale, hair dark and wavy as it fell just below his ears, and his cheekbones were high accentuating the slant of his nose. Regulus Black was beautiful, everything about him seemed to be placed just right and sculpted with the utmost care and attention.
He turned to you, your eyes meeting before he gave you an appraising look.
“Regulus.” His hand struck out, a rather rugged introduction.
Slowly, you took his hand in yours and proceeded to shake it. You couldn’t seem to rid yourself of the feeling that your hand was far too dirty, far too boring to be touching his, to even be near his.
“Y/n L/n, thank you- for that.” You were proud of yourself for not allowing your voice to shake.
“I’m sorry he was a bother.”
Regulus seemed to lack the ability of holding a conversation, he nodded- you assumed a goodbye- and got ready to make his way to the dorms.
“Wait,” Your voice came out before you could stop it. “You could stay, I’m almost done anyway. We could...talk.”
The suggestion had the boy's ears turning pink, his words coming out stuttered and jumbled, a stark contrast from the boy who had told off Barty so eloquently.
“If you- alright.”
You thought for a moment before speaking again, “You’re not very good at talking to people are you?”
“Excuse my blatant honesty, but you make me quite nervous.”
It was your turn to have your ears turn a soft hue of red, “I could say the same about you.”
5 April 1975
“Haven’t you got your own side of the blanket? Must you be so close to me?” You giggled, trying to roll away from Regulus while still avoiding the grass.
Regulus smiled, his eyes closing and nose scrunching in thought before he spoke, “I prefer to be close to you; making sure you won’t run out on me.”
Both of you began giggling, his head falling to nudge your shoulder. Ultimately, Regulus shuffled away from your side, allowing just about a foot of space in between your bodies. The wind rustled your hair as you turned your neck to look at the youngest Black as he sat up, his legs stretched and crossed at the ankles, arms propping himself up as his palms pressed flat against the floor.
It was no secret that Regulus was beautiful. His dark hair- now gently flowing in the cool breeze- stood out against his pale skin, freckles were dusted delicately over his aristocratic nose and sharp cheekbones. You could tell he’d never worked a day in his life with how handsome and soft his hands were. His fingers were long and slender, never dry or rough, and his nails perfectly trimmed and always clean.
Regulus Black was absolutely perfect and you were regretting ever complaining about his proximity.
You were quick to right your wrong, bashfully you raised yourself onto all fours and crawled over to your boyfriend. Regulus tried to hold in his smirk, avoiding turning to look at you directly but you could tell his resolve was breaking.
“Regulus…” You spoke his name with an innocent lilt, sitting back on your shins once you were close enough to have your knees touching his thigh.
He hummed, not giving you the satisfaction of having his full attention.
A huff of frustration fell past your lips at his stubbornness as you threw your leg over his thighs, straddling his legs just above his knees. His composure was thinning, a wide smile threatening to spread across his thin lips.
“You’re far too close,” he teased, his hand coming up as if trying to stop you from getting any closer. “I believe you are on my side of the blanket, L/n.”
“Don’t be so fickle, Black.”
Regulus’ pale blue eyes found yours, his delicate hand coming up to run across the delicate collar of your dress.
“It’s in my nature isn’t it?” His eyes held a certain sadness that you could not place, one you wouldn’t see again until a few years later.
Your lips parted to respond to him, only to be interrupted by a Hogwarts ghost floating nearby. It was a ghost neither you nor Regulus were familiar with and as she passed she mumbled something- rather spitefully- about young love. The event had your train of thought derailed, a quiet giggle erupting from your throat as the transparent, deceased woman floated on.
Regulus seemed to find the woman just as amusing as you did, his eyes crinkling with laughter as you two now looked at each other in fits of hysterics.
“Oh her poor soul!” You exclaimed, eyes looking off in the direction she had gone. “If you were a ghost, Reg, where would you haunt with your undead presence.”
His expression contorted into one of reminiscence, “Uncle Alphard’s cherry orchard just a few kilometers from Monts de Venasque. When we were little, Sirius and I would play in the trees. I could sit in those cherry trees for hours, everything just seemed to disappear. Alphard’s been burned off the tapestry since, but he’s left the property in my possession along with the small house on the land. I think if I were to choose one place to spend eternity, it would be there.”
You smiled softly at his answer.
“And you?” He asked, bringing you out of your lovesick haze.
“Me?” You chuckled. “I’d suppose my eternity would be well spent as long as I was somewhere with you.”
28 June 1976
It seemed the entirety of 12 Grimmauld Place shook with how hard Sirius had slammed the front door.
He was gone.
Completely and entirely gone.
And Regulus was completely and entirely alone now.
Regulus swiftly made his way up the stairs and to his room, just barely avoiding a collision with the poor house elf.
“Y/n’s room.” The words were spoken clearly and concisely as the floo powder fell from his shaky hands.
The time of night- 2:27 am- was of little importance to Regulus, he needed to see you.
You woke up with a jolt, the sound of someone stumbling into your room and panicked mumbling doing nothing to ease your nerves though the mop of dark curls had your heart calming down.
“Reg?”
He turned to look at you with heartbroken eyes, watery and bloodshot.
“He’s gone.” He choked out.
You kicked the blankets off yourself and stood up from your bed, bare feet hitting the cold floor.
Keeping a calm tone you slowly got closer to him, “Who’s gone, love?”
His pain was so evident, rolling off him in waves, “Sirius- he’s not coming back.”
“Oh,” You sighed, treading lightly. “I’m sur-”
“No!” He cried, “Burned off the tapestry, probably with the Potters- he’s gone an-and he left me with them.”
Regulus’ anguish, tear stained cheeks, had your own eyes welling with unshed tears. It was clear words would do nothing to calm him, instead you opted for pushing yourself into him and taking his crying form into your arms. His body seemed to give out as you held him, his tears soaking your shirt as he wailed into your neck.
Neither of you could tell how long you stood in the middle of your room seemingly holding him together, but his cries subsided into gentle whimpers and the occasional sniffle as his nose nudged the side of your neck.
His voice came out rough and strained, just barely above a whisper, “Please don’t- don’t leave me like Si- like he did.”
You could feel your heart shatter, “Wouldn’t dream of it, darling.”
“I don’t know how I would’ve survived in this mess if I had never known you.”
Your breath came out ragged as you spoke the truest words you've ever dared to speak, “My heart beats for you, Regulus.”
30 December 1979
His forearm itched.
It seemed to always have an odd itch ever since he was sixteen.
Regulus watched your form get closer, bundled in a thick overcoat and a dark blue scarf- Christmas present from himself- wrapped neatly around your neck. You were the picture of beauty, like a living doll with your soft smile and adoring eyes.
“My love.” You greeted him, leaning in to place a soft kiss against his cold cheek.
His eyes seemed distant, your only greeting a tight lipped smile.
Your eyebrows knit together, “Everything alright?”
Regulus nodded, his eyes swimming with a sadness so familiar, “Just taking you in.”
He pulled off his leather gloves, stuffing them deep in his coat pocket before reaching his hand out to hold your jaw, his thumb running across your skin. The action was comforting and you couldn’t help but close your eyes to savour the feeling of his thumb caressing your cheekbone.
You let out a small gasp when you felt him take your lips in a slow kiss. It was passionate, loving, yet there was a certain finality to it that had a shiver run up your spine in the most unpleasant way.
“I have the cruelest favor to ask of you, and I can only hope you’ll forgive me once I do.”
Your stomach dropped, “What do you mean, Regulus? What- what favor?”
“Please, try to understand-”
“What favor?”
“I couldn’t-”
“Tell me what the favor is, Regulus.”
Your voice had an edge to it that made him compose himself almost instantly.
He took a breath before speaking, his eyes looking off somewhere behind you as he spoke, “He’s getting stronger.”
You didn’t need to ask who this ‘he’ was, the tone made it very clear.
“He has these… horcruxes. Incredibly dark magic, I don't know how many but I know of one. It’s hidden and I’ve found out the location, I can destroy it I know I can but-”
His tone was hushed and your heart rate had started to pick up speed.
“But you don’t know if you’ll live to tell the tale?” You asked with a humorless laugh.
The look in Regulus’ eyes had told you, you were right.
“I can’t let him continue. If this could stop him, weaken him even, it’s worth whatever the consequence to myself may be.” He argued.
You pushed yourself further from him, “I can’t- I won’t lose you. No, there’s no way.”
His expression shifted into one of sorrow and pleading, “I have to.”
And you knew there was no changing his mind.
You bit the side of your lip anxiously, looking at the ground before asking, “And this favor?”
The heartbreak was almost palpable, his voice going raw.
“I cannot be fully prepared to do anything that is necessary to destroy this horcrux if-”
He cut himself off with an intake of breath.
“If I know you’ll be waiting for my return, if I know what I have to leave behind I may be tempted to not go through with my plan.”
You couldn’t help but feel and look horrified, “What are you asking of me, Regulus?”
He seemed to flinch at the tone of your voice, a tone you’d never used before and one he couldn’t name.
“I need you to obliviate yourself from my memory.”
It felt as though your chest had collapsed in on itself, “I-I couldn-”
“You have to!” Regulus cried, his arms gripping the sides of your face as you couldn’t help but let a choked sob escape from your lips. “It’s the only way I’ll be able to go through with it, I can't know that there’s a possibility of leaving you.”
“Please, Regulus, you can’t ask this of me.” You choked out, searching his eyes for some sort of humor, something that told you it was all a cruel joke.
He pressed his lips against your forehead, both of your eyes closing as you two took in short, ragged breaths.
Everything seemed darker. The flowers in the Black garden were cold and dead, the snow wasn’t snow at all, instead dangerous sheets of ice. It was then you realized the war, the death eaters, everything had become so real.
“There is a letter on your bed at home, I’ve settled everything for you. I’m going to stand against the pillar, my back to you, and you are going to do it from behind the hedges so we won’t see each other after. You need to leave once it’s done alright?”
You nodded solemnly, knowing there was no use in fighting it. The cause was bigger than you, bigger than Regulus. Everyone made sacrifices, this just had to be yours.
“My heart beats for you, Y/n, whether I know it or not.”
“And mine for you, Regulus.” You smiled sadly, pulling his wrist up to your face and pulling back his sleeve to reveal his dark mark, pressing a kiss to the skin you spoke, “You aren’t them, you never were and you never will be.”
Regulus smiled but said nothing as he lowered his arms and put his gloves back on. With slow steps he walked to the pillar and looked back at you one last time.
“I’m just taking you in.” He whispered, before slowly turning.
You took your wand from your coat as you took even slower steps to stand just far enough for him not to notice you after it had been done. Regulus felt his resolve crumble with each crunch of your boots against the frozen ground, his eyes screwed shut- tears rolling down his face freely- as he prepared for what was coming.
With a shaky hand you raised your wand.
“Obliviate.”
Present
Sirius seemed to be thrown back from the pensieve, as if the memory had rejected him from viewing any longer, still sensitive. He felt an odd tickling sensation run down his cheek, his hand raising to brush away a stray tear as he fell into a nearby chair.
He never knew…
***
You pushed open the backdoor of your small home, the warm scent of cherry trees welcoming you. The sun was just barely starting to set as you looked off into the horizon of the vast field of trees, if you looked long enough you could make out the handsome silhouette of a boy you once knew sitting up in a cherry tree.
Only a few short months later, the lone figure would be joined by another… a brother.
tags:
@amourtentiaa
@vsawyer1989​
@lifeofkaze
@siriusement
@erinruby003
@maybesandohnos
@onlyfreds
@tayyx
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miekasa · 2 years
Note
I just can't stop thinking about Dilf! Levi!!!
Like him being oblivious and frankly a bit put off by the flirting of the other mums at the soccer games of his daughter, but the second one of the dads gives you a compliment he is by your side: Death Stare.
When his daughter has a little break and joines you on the side of the field, he'll tell her about the weaknesses he saw in the competition.
Keeping a special place in the house for all her trophies.
The way he would march down to his daughters school, murder in his eyes when he hears about that one teacher that has been giving her hell. And even though she is tough, there is only so much a child should have to deal with. (My little sister had a teacher like that and I was furious. Espc cus have her rules only applied for the girls).
When you and your daugther come home form grocery shopping and you daughter proudly declares how she fliped of a man that tried to flirt with you. Levi wearing a proud smirk which turnes into a heavy sigh and a reluctent scolding when he sees your death stare.
(Honestly, I feel like the reader has to be a milf just to complete the power couple imagine!)
HELP Levi coaching his daughter is so funny omfg… idk if you’ve ever seen avatar, but why am I getting the image of him crouching down to his daughter’s height to give an Azula-esque pep talk: “The center forward always leans left. Keep the ball on her right, and you’ll get through offense and defense easily.” And after she scores she turns her head to Levi and they both give each other a little thumbs up. He keeps at least one of her trophies in his office at work, maybe two if he has the space; the rest are very neatly placed on a shelf he built just to display them at home. 
His kids is pretty quiet at school—doesn’t cause trouble, usually the apple of the teacher’s eye just by default of being a well-behaved student, so when you and Levi get a call that she was in trouble and waiting in the front office, you’re both stunned. You can’t be too surprised to hear that she (allegedly) cursed out a teacher given Levi’s own affinity for swear words, but it does shock you given the context. It’s not until Levi coaxes her to tell you guys her side of the story that it all makes sense—and Levi insists that your daughter did nothing wrong; in fact, he had a few choice words for the teacher that was bothering her himself. 
(Your kid was gonna get off on a warning regardless, pros of being friends with vice principal Hange, but Levi still gave Hange an earful—“I know you didn’t know before, but deal with that teacher, or I will, four-eyes”). ((Hange is also the only person to openly refer to the two of you as a dilf and milf and poor Levi’s eye twitches every single time bye)). 
While most kids don’t really get the direct concept of flirting, they are good at blocking it whether they mean to or not 😭😭 in the event that someone is trying to talk you up and unashamedly flirt, your daughter wouldn’t necessarily get that it’s flirting, but she would get that she’s bored as shit. Tugs on your shirt mid-conversation to be like, “Can we go back to daddy now?” Generally, even Levi himself does little to stop people from flirting with you; he just tosses in the phrase “my wife,” into the conversation shortly after and watches them put it all together, relishes in the embarrassment that washes over them. 
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bandaigaeru · 3 years
Text
song of the summer - bang chan
→pairing: ceo bang chan x gn reader
→genre: kinda strangers to lovers
→synopsis: he runs one of the biggest music companies in the country, yet he inducts you to help aid him and his friends, each of them deemed as representatives of the ‘big three’, for their next official comeback.
→word count: 12.5k
→ warnings: swearing, shitty father figure
i.
A single question hangs over the dim conference room you’ve somehow scored a seat in. Does the general public want to see 3Racha? Bluntly, the answer is right in front of you. Glowing against the whiteboard from the overhead projector, the carefully curated slideshow answers the rhetorical question.
One of the dance representatives from the back of the room twirls his pen between his fingers. Leaning back in his chair, he apathetically wonders aloud, “So it’s true, then?”
“What’s that, Mr. Lee?” the marketing representative, a Mr. Choi, holds his remote between both hands as he leans toward the table. The word ‘full’ dances across his face as he steps in front of the projector’s path.
“That they’re making a comeback. A full one?”
Mr. Choi nods, scanning the rest of the patrons’ reactions with squinted eyes as he says, “That would be correct.”
Of course, the three who would walk onstage and perform aren’t here. Mr. Bang is probably running around, abiding by his role as the professional CEO who never skips a beat. Regarding the other two, you’re not sure. They’re not as predictable.
The project is pretty tight in terms of what needs to be met. Summer is around the corner, and everyone and their mother will be fighting to hold that mere title of having the temporary greatest hit. When the general public awaits their yearly easily digestible, flowery songs.
“Keep in mind that we are all under Bang! Entertainment,” Choi remarks, clicking to his next slide displaying headlines questioning the company’s next move. “It should go without saying, but all eyes will be on us as the season turns.”
You stare at the bolded words, trying to digest each of them. Joining the company was likely the best decision you’ve ever made, outside of adopting a cat named Loba. When you got scouted as a producer, you were under a different company. Bang! offered a contract, but didn’t require an interview because they ‘didn’t want to invalidate or question a talent they’ve already seen.’
It was an ego boost.
“I’m sure you all know what your roles are in this,” Choi says, taking glances around the room to make sure each face isn’t lost or distant. This is 3Racha we’re talking about. Everything must be perfect.
You take a glance of your own. A few belong to the dance department, some to hair and makeup; however, you are the only producer here.
You raise a low hand to garner Mr. Choi’s attention. “Why am I here?” you subsequently ask, dropping your hand and crossing it against your chest as before.
“The team personally requested you,” he says.
Connections, you instantly understand. In a place like this, in a time like this, they’re a necessity. Nepotism is practically required in the world of music, hence why it sucks for most aspiring indie artists. You didn’t choose to befriend a guy who happens to be best friends with one of the big three here. So, you cast a blind eye.
It’s all a game of luck.
The meeting doesn’t run much longer. A concluding statement with hints of a threat if anyone messes up rings through your ears. A project end date of July 20th, when the album is supposed to go live. You’re not nervous, per se. Simply blindsided given the lack of information. What’s the song about? When’s the due date? Will 3Racha come to you first, or do you have to take time out of your day to the CEO’s harrowing office? The uncertainties aggravate the impulse of opening a new document on your computer and delving into your producer rituals. You can’t create someone else’s project out of blankness. And that irritates you to no end.
Someone throws their arm around your shoulder in an attempt to throw you off your purposeful stride.
“Congrats,” the belonger says.
You glance over to look, even though you know the voice well. He is your connection, of course.
“Thanks.”
Minho pulls you back to a slower pace. Familiar faces from the meeting pass you to the elevator, a majority in a meaningless chatter. They expected an appearance on this project.
“What are you doing tonight?” he finally asks, stopping altogether and dropping his arm from your shoulder.
You shrug, looking curiously at him. Minho’s not one to beat around the bush.
“Hypothetically,” he starts, “how would you feel being invited to bro night?”
“And actually witness you or Felix puke on the lawn instead of hearing about it? No thanks,” you scoff, making an attempt to abandon the situation by following the distancing crowd.
He grabs your wrist, spinning you back to him. “Please?” His eyes are pleading, glaring back at you like an innocent kitten.
You tip your head and sigh. “Why?”
Instead of cutting to the chase, he sucks in a deep breath and says, “I’ll pay you.”
An eyebrow cocks. Regardless of your amusement—a desperate Minho doesn’t appear often—worries consume you. “What’s up? Why are you acting like this?”
Wary eyes jump around the hallway before they land back on you. “Follow me,” he mumbles.
His steps are calculated as he guides you to the elevator and presses the floor his office resides on. The ride is silent, as is the walk down the hall. You step into the room first, and he closes the door behind him. Despite the urge to ask if he’s about to murder you, you bite your tongue and take a seat on his upholstered couch. Identical to the one in your office.
Gently, he lowers himself into his chair. A few minutes pass of you simply staring at each other. Nerves crawl up your spine and you disguise them with a snarky comment. “Are you going to tell me why you’re willing to bribe me into spending time with your friends?”
In the time he takes to respond, you think about how the only mutual friend you have is Jisung. Sure, you know everyone on a name basis; but it’s not like you’ve known them as long as Minho. He doesn’t have other, more qualified, friends to drag to bro night?
“Chan’s kinda in a mood right now,” Minho’s words are slurred by the breath he releases as he speaks.
“And?” you press.
“I want you to see it before you work with him. And for him to understand you in advance. Y’know. You’re a little,” he hesitates, “forward sometimes.”
You should take this as an insult, but you can’t because words’ owner knows you too well. Minho never speaks unjustly.
“Touche,” you nod. It’s better to own up to your flaws. If you don’t, that’s how you end up walking into a carefully curated narcissistic personality.
His features loosen as he presses his forearms on his thighs. “So. You in?”
“I don’t really have a choice,” you emit a wry laugh. All in one sentence, you’ve managed to prove his point. It’s simple, really.
“You see, I’ve already told the boys you’re coming. Either way, I would’ve gotten you to go. The only other option would have been to threaten you with a knife,” he admits. As you gawk at him in awe, realizing you stand in the same boat, a proud grin grows on his face. With time, you begin to mirror the ones you admire. Friends, for example.
“I think Seungmin will like you,” he adds.
“Why do you say that?”
All you know of Kim Seungmin is that he’s in the vocal department, along with his younger counterpart Yang Jeongin, and that he’s a menace. Minho’s words.
“You’re both evil.”
That’s the last straw. You stand up without a word and stomp for the door.
His laugh echoes behind you, striking a quieter one of your own. Still, you stay in character and slip out into the hallway. Minho has won too many of these scenarios.
ii.
Loba sneaks into the kitchen as you wait impatiently for Minho. Thirty minutes. That’s how late he is. You consider texting him, but acknowledge the possibility he’s stuck in traffic or something. Agitation tells you to do it anyway since he only lives two blocks over.
The orange cat paws at your calf for attention, momentarily distracting you as you set your phone down on the counter. Minho’s chat is wide open. She, too, finds excuses for him.
Her head nuzzles against your palm as you scratch behind her ears. She meddles successfully enough to trick you into feeding her a few treats. While you reach for the top shelf of your pantry, a pair of footsteps sneak up behind you. Heavier than Loba’s.
“Did the cat convince you to spoil her again?”
“Son of a-” you recoil, whirling around to greet the man, the myth, the late bastard.
The familiar appearance of a sly smirk, mischievous eyes, and an outfit that makes him look like a casual runway model, pierce your vision.
“You’re late,” you mutter, stepping past him and scooping Loba up. You rest her head on your left arm, cradling her like a baby. She tilts her head up to stare back at Minho. Traitor.
Minho grabs the bag of treats for you.
“Sorry, I had to pick up Jisung. He’s in the car,” his voice trails as he slips his thumbs between the plastic fold and focuses on opening the difficult seal.
“Damn it,” he curses. Karma arrives faster in deserving situations.
“It took you thirty extra minutes to pick him up?”
He deadpans, “You know he likes to be presentable for the boys.”
When you don’t give him the satisfaction of a single laugh, let alone a change in emotion, he whines, “Oh come on, that was funny.”
“You trick me into going to your stupid hangout, and now you have the nerve to show up late?”
He sneaks a few treats to Loba. “You’re really not mad at me right now, are you?”
“Irritated, at the least,” you admit.
“Well, then I’m sorry. Jisung got off late so I had to wait at Bang! for him.”
The words sink into your skin, but you don’t acknowledge them further. The anger fades on the walk down to the car, a great distance separating you and Minho. It’s practically dissipated by the time you climb into the backseat of Minho’s Kia Soul.
Jisung turns in the front seat and offers his hand at an awkward angle. “It’s a pleasure to be working with you.”
You hold your seatbelt in one hand, accepting his with the other as you force a measly smile. “Same for you. Thanks for suggesting me to Mr. Bang.”
Confusion warps his face, twisting his eyebrows in a weird knit as he shakes his head. “It wasn’t me. Must’ve been Chan.”
Minho drops himself into the driver’s seat, suspending any further questioning.
Jisung returns to his original poise as when you approached the car. Eyes focused on his phone, actively typing something out.
You click your seatbelt into locking. An unnatural feeling plagues your gut. Mr. Bang wanted you on the team? It feels unlikely, but you know Jisung wouldn’t joke like that. Even if he were the type, his acting of unawareness gives away the truth.
Minho glances back at you in the mirror. “Ready?” he asks as his hand rests on the gearshift.
You press your lips into a line as you nod. “Mhm.”
You stare down at your hands carefully folded in your lap. For the first time since before producing, the itch to create is drowned by an intense, overwhelming brew of something lingering in your veins.
The expectation of you has pierced through the roof and is shooting out of the stratosphere.
Chan—Jisung quickly advised you to drop all formalities, so you’re rewiring your thoughts—has a home in Gangnam. Fitting for his status, but smaller than you expected. It’s still able to fit at least four of your apartment in it, though.
Jisung and Minho walk ahead of you up the stairs. The elevators in rich apartments on this end can only fit two people if you really scrunch together. What’s the money for, then?
“Today’s Monopoly night, right?” Jisung examines Minho’s side profile as he cautiously lifts one foot after the other. The stairs here are steeper than any you’ve seen. Hiking sounds better than this.
He hums in approval. “I guess we’ll sort teams later. We probably won’t live through the night with last week’s.”
A brash laugh escapes Jisung’s lips, subsequently echoing against the walls and bouncing back to your ears. “Right.”
You tune out their conversation for the rest of the climb, settling for watching your shoelaces sway with each step.
Jisung pushes on the door for the fourth floor, holding it open until you’re fully into the hallway. “Chan’s the second door on the right,” Jisung nods to one of the identical doors along the hall—appearing more expensive than your monthly rent with its rich stain.
Minho doesn’t bother knocking, instead opting for trying the doorknob. It allows access to the gigantic living space and the loud chatter previously muffled by walls.
You must be the last to arrive, but you probably could’ve guessed such.
“Hey,” Jeongin looks up from his conversation, inspiring a round of greetings from all the others.
“You all know each other enough so I’ll skip the introductions,” Minho glances between you and the group, starting for an empty end of the couch.
When Jisung follows his lead, you take a headcount. It appears everyone’s present except Chan—his birth name still feels awkwardly informal in your thoughts. You glance down the dark hallway to your right, counting one, two, three closed doors. Nature drags you into curiosity.
Seungmin, your alleged evil twin, waves you over.
As you take the empty spot beside him, he says, “Sorry, you looked a little awkward just standing there. Thought I’d save you before Hyunjin said something.” He shoots a pointed nod at the long-haired blond lounging between Changbin and Minho.
“Oh. Thanks,” you force a little smile that imitates gratitude. You didn’t feel awkward observing, but maybe your aura screamed otherwise.
Jeongin leans slightly over Seungmin’s shoulder with an inquisitive eye. “How did Minho convince you to come?”
“Blackmail,” you nod. Not attempting to summon a laugh, but managing so in the process.
“That’s Minho for you,” Seungmin tips his head in a slightly disbelieving manner.
“It’s okay, though. We’ll make tonight fun for you,” Jeongin raises his hand, and you meet it with a high-five.
Bro night might not be as bad as you thought.
“If only Chan comes out from his room,” Seungmin mutters, particularly to himself, as he leans his arm on the back of the couch and twists his body to look back into the hallway.
Questions. You want to ask them, but then Minho’s words return in full, blaring effect. Forward, he said. Meaning: blunt. In your face.
You bite your tongue. Redirect the temptation, you think, as your eyes scan the room. Admittedly, it’s odd seeing all these people away from their respective passions. However, Changbin’s phone is cradled in his hands, and his fingers are typing away potential lyrics. Felix, too, is hiding the fact his fingers are mirroring the directions of his recent choreography. Maybe passions are always a shadow of you.
“Should we just fix teams?” Minho says above the impatient silence.
“We can,” Hyunjin leans his forearms on his thighs. His hair falls in front of his shoulders like he’s some kind of Greek god.
“Team captains?” Seungmin asks.
“Let’s do the oldest of each unit, but since Chan’s God-knows-where, Changbin can represent,” Minho nods, glancing around for looks of satisfaction.
“Sure, rock-paper-scissors for who goes first?” Seungmin pushes a strand of hair out of his eye.
Short story short, Minho wins the first round with a victorious cheer of, “Easy!”
“You only say that because you know they always pick scissors first,” you accuse.
Minho points a finger at you, “Allegedly.”
You land a spot on Minho’s team since he got the first pick of the litter. Then, by Minho’s attempt at matchmaking, Chan lands on your team.
As you’re moving spots, you shoot Seungmin a sad, unmoving look.
He laughs, pushing you towards Minho. “Maybe next time.”
“What?” Minho glances between you. “Are you planning a coup against me?”
“You wish, Lee Minho,” you sigh, falling into the empty space beside him.
After a few beats of silence, for good measure, Minho leans down to your ear and says, “I told you you’d like him.”
“Yeah, he’s like a better version of you,” you turn to see the predictable look of offense on his features.
“Fine then, get Seungmin to drive you home,” he pouts, crossing his arms against his chest and pushing his back into the couch.
“Oh come on,” you nudge his elbow, laughing at his exaggeration.
You see a smile tug at his lips before he breaks, letting a chuckle break through his barrier.
In the remaining meantime that you wait, Minho calls dibs on the cat. Seungmin’s team claims the dog, with an offhand comment from Minho going, “You would choose the dog.” Finally, Changbin’s team chooses the hat.
“Is that a joke because you’re so short? So you can gain a few inches with the hat?” Hyunjin jabs.
Changbin reaches over the couch to try and hit him.
From this end of the couch, you can look directly into the dark, mysterious hallway. You watch as the second door knob slowly turns. You focus on it, and the shouting dispute fades out in your ears.
Chan steps out from the room, carefully closing the door behind him so as to not bring all the eyes on him at once. You fight your facial expressions to remain neutral as you take in his appearance—which is shockingly normal. Suits are his workplace fashion, and consequently, all you’ve seen him in. Now, he wears black basketball shorts and a black tee. His hair is even loosening into curls. Is this the same man who runs a massive music company? Are we sure?
His cover is blown the moment he steps into the light of the living room. Jeongin warily points a finger in your direction, “You’re on their team.”
Chan presses his lips into a makeshift smile as he approaches you and Minho. He pushes out a small ‘hey’ before taking his spot on the other side of Minho.
His reclusive figure makes your heart wrench. You wish you could have talked Minho out of going. To him, you’re just an outsider he has to put a front up for. But, the thing is, he isn’t trying to build a barrier. It appears that he doesn’t have any more energy to try.
You catch yourself staring when Minho nudges your knee with his. “You take the first roll.”
Collecting the die, you notice your hands trembling a little. Not good. You manage, somehow knocking Seungmin’s dog in the process. He feigns shock, whining in an accusatory tone, “You’re no different than Minho.”
The choir of laughter shuffles you back into reality when you glance back at your accused teammate, catching the look of the other. The corners of Chan’s lips are slightly turning up into a smile.
Whew. You’re amazed by the amount of relief that little smile gives you.
iii.
The game trails into the early hours of the morning, and a few times a boy will point at Chan and say, in an attempt to be lighthearted, “This is all your fault.”
To the dismay of the rivals, Changbin’s team manages to win. Jisung, a member of Seungmin’s team, flips the board twenty turns too late at the news. “This game is stupid!” he laughs through his words.
“You’re cleaning that up,” Changbin says as the money flutters to the rug beneath the glass coffee table. A cue for the group to laugh blinks above their heads, each varying in intensity. Hyunjin even claps a few times, for his vocal contribution pales insufficient.
Jisung slumps to the ground, “I know.”
Chan lifts himself from the couch to aid him with a lingering smile from all the laughs. As the night progressed, he seemed to slowly inch into his ‘normal’ state, as Jisung had referred to in the car.
Minho slips his phone out from his pocket. At the single-digit time, nearing close to sunrise, he heaves a sigh and pushes himself up. “Guess I should get you home.”
He extends a hand to help you up.
“You’re leaving already?” Seungmin asks.
“Uh, yeah. It’s like three A.M.,” Minho squints at him, turning his lit home screen at him for proof.
Chan snickers as he stacks all the thousands. “That’s early for me.”
See? He’s even making jokes now. This is a weird normal, considering all you know of him is his status, but admittedly better than whatever funk he was previously in.
“See you on Monday, I’ll just spend the night,” Jisung lifts his hand in a semi-wave.
Chan doesn’t protest. Instead, he looks up at you and sticks his hand up. “Can’t wait to work with you,” and smiles. Dimples indent his cheeks in a way that makes your stomach churn.
You take his hand and mirror his smile, though it’s rather genuine in comparison to the one you offered Jisung.
Minho has the decency to wait to call you out on it until you’re in the soundproof safety of his car.
“I saw that,” he says.
“What?”
“The smile. Don’t like Chan. That’d be way too awkward for me.”
You laugh, examining his twisted face of disgust as he starts the car. “Why?”
You’re not asking out of curiosity. You don’t like Chan, and you don’t see yourself liking him anytime soon. Or in the far future, for that matter. It’s just so easy to mess with Minho.
“Uh, my best friend dating my other best friend? That’s third-wheel central. I’m too hot to be a third wheel.”
Later, as you’re unbuckling your seatbelt to venture into the apartment building, Minho mumbles, “But, I mean, if you like him it’s whatever. I don’t want you feeling like you have to hide anything from me.”
You punch his arm.
“Ow! What was that for?”
“You’re getting all sappy on me again. You don’t have to worry about stuff like that, dude,” you frown. Above anything Minho can say to you, his insecurities taking over his words hurts the most.
“I’ll see you on Monday,” you say, then adding, “Unless you want to come over sometime this weekend. I’ll be home.”
He smiles, though you sense the differing thoughts behind his eyes. “Love you.”
“Love you too,” you say before shutting the door.
iv.
In all the wrong ways, Monday comes too fast. Faster than you can process Friday night, essentially.
You try to scramble your remaining thoughts into order as you walk into the lobby.
Is Chan going to be normal today? Hoping so. Why was that relief so astonishing? Did Minho catch onto something-
“Hey, Y/N!” Jisung intercepts your thoughts.
Your eyes involuntarily widen as he pops out from seemingly nowhere. Your gaze drifts to his outstretched hands, offering you one of the drinks each brandishes.
“I didn’t know which you’d prefer, and Minho wasn’t awake so I couldn’t text him. So, I got coffee and tea.”
You take your pick and nod a ‘thank you.’
“How was your weekend?” you find yourself asking as he leads you to the elevator.
He shrugs, “I did absolutely nothing other than a brain detox for this project. You?”
Despite his back being to you, your chin twitches into a nod. “Same as you, pretty much.”
“I think Chan’s in a good enough mood,” Jisung glances back at you as he reaches for the up arrow on the elevator’s panel.
“Sweet.”
Minho is your gateway to an easy conversation. Of course, he’s not here, but you slightly wish he was. You’re forced to meander in an abrasive silence until the elevator takes you up to the eighth floor.
Eight, because Chan detests the idea of being too close to anyone. He doesn’t want his presence to divide anyone’s attempt at creating their best. An icon in distancing, Minho joked as during your first week under Bang!
Jisung sucks in a deep breath as he turns into a room whose door is partially cracked. “Here goes nothing.”
On the far side of the room is an L-shaped couch. Resting upon the vertical side as if he were in his own bed is Changbin. A laptop sits in his lap, closed, but his phone is inches away from his face as he types.
“It’d be more effective if you used that laptop,” Jisung comments, resting his drink on the coffee table and sitting by Changbin’s feet. Giving Changbin the perfect opportunity to wedge his foot between the younger’s ribcage. A cry of pain shoots out of Jisung’s mouth. Truly, he should have seen that coming.
“Dude!” he shouts, jumping to his feet and clutching his side.
“I told you not to mess with me,” Changbin’s eyes narrow into a warning gaze, but Jisung laughs anyway.
“You are not scary, bro.”
You start for the opposite end of the couch, pressing your back into the armrest as you watch the scene unfold. Cupping your drink with both hands, you’re unsure if the warmth stems from it or the sibling-esque fight before you.
Changbin slides the laptop off of his lap and pulls himself to his feet. He stands before Jisung, closes his eyes, and takes a deep breath. Then, as his eyes flutter open, he brings his fists up.
“Come on. Fight me.”
Jisung takes a step back. “You have got to be kidding me.”
Changbin shakes his head. “I’m not.”
Jisung’s eyes flit around the room for help. It would be that when the muscle man wants to fight, the only person physically capable of pacifying him isn’t here. Pure, unadulterated luck.
“And when you break my arm, then what?” Jisung’s eyebrows raise in taunting interrogation.
“Then I break your arm? What about it? You can perform with a shattered humerus. Right, ace?”
By chance of a higher being granting Han Jisung a break, Chan enters his office with a manila folder in his hand. Only a few steps into the room, he has to halt. His hand finds his hip, releasing a big sigh as he clutches the folder. To no surprise, he’s wearing a perfectly tailored suit. Black, of course. But with a surprising navy undershirt, which you give him credit for.
“How many times do I have to tell you not to cause injury in my office? Can you imagine the lawsuit? Would you do that to your beloved friend?” he asks a stream of questions.
He seems relatively happy.
Changbin drops his fists to his sides, gaze dropping back to his abandoned laptop. He scoops it up before reclaiming his spot. To fully conclude the argument, he opens the laptop’s lid. “Jisung started it.”
The accused boy looks at Chan and silently pleads his case. His hands clasp into a prayer.
Chan waves him off with a smile and a breathy laugh before starting for his desk. He acknowledges you with a small raise of his hand.
“Ah, where to begin?” he asks, to no one in particular, as he tosses the folder onto his desk and sinks into his chair.
“Han, can you turn the projector on?” Changbin takes the initiative, reaching over the couch’s back to grab a white USB cord.
He does as told, warily trying to avoid another pseudo-fight, before rushing to the light switch and fading the room into a mass of darkness. Chan must not like having his blinds open. Black world he lives in.
Changbin’s screen presents against the vacant wall across from him. A pre-written document appears, with the title ‘TT Ideas’ and a dashed list. 1.5 spacing, you admire.
“Okay, I did my homework,” he sighs, dragging his cursor over the highlighted ideas for the title track. “These are my personal favorites, but I’m up to debate.”
Jisung shivers at those words. Debate. Meaning: duel.
In the darkness, Chan steps in front of you. He sits halfway between you and Changbin, resting his elbows on his knees as he studies the list. You notice that his lips pout as he focuses, and his eyes squint a little.
You shift your own attention, for you’ll lose pacing if you stare at Chan the whole day. Changbin has highlighted unrequited love, turning the aura of summer into a song, unique abilities, and simply ‘flexing our equities’.
“Yeah, I definitely think that last one will go over well,” Jisung sardonically comments.
Changbin sighs in defeat and drags his cursor over his beloved idea, hitting the backspace in pity, “I knew you’d say that.”
“Can you elaborate on the unique abilities?” you ask, quieter than anticipated but still reaching its aim.
“Not to tute my own horn,” Changbin starts, running a hand through his hair, “but we’re sought after. When people see our names on tracklists, they immediately know the song is going to be good. They don’t sit and wonder if they’ll be disappointed, because they know with 3Racha that’s unpalatable. Hell, I saw someone tweet the other day that their favorite artist was spotted here, and the fandom went fucking crazy.
“People know what they expect from us, and that’s excellence. We deliver. You can’t say the same for a lot of producers. Doubt is inevitable for a lot of them, even if it’s only personal.”
“Couldn’t have said it better,” Jisung smirks, leaning his extended hand out to Changbin for him to high-five.
“What if we did it with an,” Chan hesitates, tilting his head at the screen to try and ease out the right words, “unnatural sound.”
“An experiment no one else could attempt,” you mumble, not expecting him to hear. His head snaps over to you, snapping, pointing a finger, and nodding.
“Exactly.”
The boys look between each other, bobbing their heads in agreement. “We can do that,” Jisung grins.
“You know, I had a feeling you would say that,” Changbin slips his phone out of his pocket, swiftly unlocking it and opening his notes app. “So I’ve already written my verse.”
“No way,” Jisung cocks his head at him.
“Okay,” Changbin mutters, “I had verses written for all the highlighted ones.”
“You are insane,” Chan chuckles, but not in an insulting tone.
From here on out, it’s smooth sailing.
v.
Until Jisung pats the pockets of his jeans two weeks later. “Shit,” he mutters, glancing back at the elevator you had just come from.
Midnight was around the corner and Jisung had promised Minho they’d go see the late-night showing of the latest horror film.
“What’s wrong?” you ask.
He turns to you with wide eyes and a gaping mouth. “I think I left my phone in Chan’s room. I’m gonna be late. Minho’s gonna kill me.”
You cease his rambling by putting a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll go get it. Just tell Minho to text me when you’re done so you can pick it up. ‘Kay?”
So what if Loba’s waiting for you at home, probably pawing at the front door and meowing like, “I’m hungry”? You have a profound soft spot for Jisung. And not because Minho threatened you if you ever showed any disliking. Plus, Loba’s spoiled in all other walks of her life. She can handle you coming home a little later than usual for one night.
He breathes a sigh of relief, looking up at the high ceiling in some kind of grateful manner. “You are a lifesaver, Y/N.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” you smile, starting back to the elevator as he continues his path.
The company is rather unsettling without its daytime bustle. It’s even worse on the eighth floor. A usual ghost-town, except with an increased darkness and an odd chill trailing down your back.
The hallways feel stuffy as you get close to Chan’s office, your gaze set ahead. A sniffling sound seeps into your range of hearing, though you don’t think much of it. You can get colds in summer.
Naive to think a man as esteemed as Mr. Bang would succumb to a measly cold.
As you sneak your head between the cracked door, placing your hand around its width and slightly pushing forward, the view sends your heart crashing into your stomach. Chan’s head is lowered, either hand cupping his head as incessant tears drip from his nose.
Awkwardly stepping forward, you clear your throat.
His glossy eyes, rimmed with red and slightly puffy, jump up to you. Instinctively, he attempts to discard the evidence.
“What’s wrong?” you ask.
“Nothing,” he croaks, pulling his sleeve over his hand and gliding it across his damp cheek.
That’s something he could learn. If someone’s a witness, you can expect them to ease into questions. It’s only nature.
“Do you need a hug?” you attempt. Don’t be forward, don’t be blunt, don’t be mean. Minho’s reminder blinks across your vision.
He laughs, “Maybe.”
A pitiful smile creeps onto your lips as you step around the desk. Your arms link semi-awkwardly around his shoulders. He presses his cheek against your collarbone, silently crying a little. You take careful breaths, trying to stabilize your chest for him.
“Does anyone know?” Your hand rubs soft circles against his back. He shakes his head against your body. A small hiccup shakes his frame.
“You can tell me if you want.”
“I don’t want to burden you,” he manages through his tears.
You pull back a little for him to look at you. “I will smack sense into you if you say some stupid shit like that again.” In spite of his eyes crinkling into a smile—looking at you like you’re a childhood friend who he knows like the back of his hand—you try to recover. “I swear, you won’t burden me.”
He takes in a shaky breath. A blaring thought curses the forefront of your eyes. “Do you mind if we go to my apartment, though? I have a hungry cat waiting for me.”
Your arms retreat to your sides as he nods and drags the back of his hand across either cheek. “Yeah, no problem.”
You glance over at the couch, and the object of your mission stares back at you. For a second, you swear it’s glowing gold and screaming, “Your quest ends here! Bring me to my owner!”
You shuffle for the couch and scoop it up. When Chan looks at your hand in confusion, you offer, “Jisung left it. I’m the delivery service.”
“Right.” And he smiles. Comfort engulfs your body when you notice the flood has stopped.
Since you normally walk or ride the bus to work, Chan drives. His shiny sports car looks rather alien beside your used, well-used, car.
“I should warn you,” you turn to him as you push your key into the lock, “Loba’s a cuddler.”
“Sweet. I’d feel bad asking you for more hugs,” he jokes.
Sure enough, Loba is lying before the door. She scrambles to her feet and stares up at her guardian and the new intruder. Conveniently misplacing her cries for food, she scopes out the new man.
“What’d you say her name was again?” Chan asks, squatting in front of her and scratching behind her ears.
“Loba,” you say, opening the fridge to dish out Loba’s expensive special food. Adopting a cat with stomach issues, am I right?
“Loba?” Chan repeats, stifling a laugh.
“I didn’t name her,” you turn to him in defense.
Chan lowers himself, crossing his legs as Loba climbs into his lap. The love-hungry cat doesn’t even notice when you set her ceramic bowl next to her water station. She’s too absorbed in her newfound friend.
Rather than forcing them to relocate to the couch, you sit offset from them on the tile. Smiling down at the orange cat, you admit, “She’s not even like this with Minho.”
“Really?” Chan’s amused face stuns a vibration in your chest.
You appeal confirmation.
“That’s crazy. I’m a dog person, normally,” he coos down at the lovebug.
Don’t let this distract you from the task at hand, you remind yourself.
“So,” you drag. How do you say this without tempting the tears again? Admittedly, it would be nice if you had an ounce of insight. You’re walking into a minefield without a blueprint of where they lie.
Chan sighs, acknowledging his cue. “My dad doesn’t really like me all too much,” he wryly laughs.
“He seems stupid then,” you offer, not thinking further than trying to comfort him, “You’re very likable.”
“Thank you,” Chan drags his tongue against his bottom lip.
He continues, “Moreso, he dislikes his father. The one who skipped a generation when trying to continue his legacy. By association, I kind of take the brunt of it.” He looks at you through blurry eyes as he bites the inside of his cheek.
“If it makes you feel any better, I think you were the only person who could have continued the company. Your dad seems,” you hesitate, “insolent. You, on the other hand, are an ace.”
“I try to tell myself that. He makes me go to all of his business parties to keep his reputation up, as well as mine in a way. You don’t want the broken family running a huge corporation,” he mimics what he’s been told.
“So you can’t tune him out,” you echo.
“Yep,” he drags the word out, prompting a heavy sigh.
“I’m not really good at the whole comforting thing,” you study the creases of your palms. “But I’ll say that you are, by far, the most amazing person I could work for. You’re really admirable. Plus, Minho really likes you. You’re kind of like the brother he never had.”
“God, you’re gonna make me cry,” he laughs, staring up at the light as he pulls a hand away from Loba to wipe at his waterline.
“I’m serious,” you chuckle. “Would I blow smoke up your ass if you’re crying on my floor with my cat in your arms?”
When he hesitates to respond, you do it for him. “The answer is no. I don’t even do that for Minho.”
“That’s comforting,” he admits.
“I’d hope so. Now, hand me your phone,” you stick your hand out.
“Why?”
“So I can give you my number. Text me if stuff goes downhill, now that I’m in the loop.”
He looks at you quizzically.
“What? Do you think I’m going to let you suffer in silence now that I know?”
He leans to the side, cradling Loba protectively, as he draws his phone from his pocket. Unlocking it before he hands it to you.
As you type in a new contact, you say, “Do you want something to eat? I can order a pizza.”
vi.
Unfortunately, peace is temporary. Always and forever.
When you enter Chan’s office a few weeks after the father debacle, prepared to start the official recording of the album as decided on the previous day, you’re met with two confused men. Admittedly, you’re a little late, but not enough for them to be lost.
Changbin looks up at you as you cross the threshold. “Have you seen Chan?”
You shake your head.
“Heard from him?” Jisung follows.
Again, you shake your head.
“Shit,” they both fall back against the couch cushions in defeat.
“What’s wrong?” The grip on your bag tightens. Despite your inquisitive words, your gut gives you a fair answer.
“We haven’t heard from him since five this morning,” Changbin looks at Jisung for confirmation on the details.
“No one’s seen him?” you follow up.
“No one. He won’t answer our group chat either.”
Your foot taps against the floor as you try to remain composed. He texted you last night about his dad’s upcoming gala but was sparse about details. Or about the fact he would straight up disappear. Obviously, you can’t offer this information to them. A promise is a promise, even if half unspoken.
“Should we work through it? Get his parts whenever he decides to show up?” Changbin speaks.
“We can’t exactly meander anymore. Tracklist goes out at noon,” Jisung shakes his phone as annoyingly clear evidence.
“And you still need to learn the choreo for the title track,” you add. There’s only a month left. You bite your tongue, allowing the pain to slightly calm you down.
“God, what horrible timing,” Jisung laughs, but no joy laces through his tone.
You point harsh eyes at them, heavy steps leading you to the microphone stand designated for recording. “Come on then. Let’s get ahead before we can fall behind.”
vii.
You leave work the moment recording is done for the day, a discovery pulling you from focusing on anything else. Chan shared his location with you a few days ago when he offered a reciprocal to what you’ve done for him. “So you can always find me,” he said via text.
Though not for the right purpose, per se, you’re going to find him. And when you do, you might have to smack sense into him this time. With love, you convince yourself as you pull up to the stadium.
Who in their right mind rents an indoor stadium for an evening party? Rich people, evidently.
You find Chan’s car, among its shiny counterparts, and park as close to it as you can. As you get out, you pull your phone out of your pocket and call him. Not expecting him to answer, honestly.
“Hello?” his voice penetrates your ears.
“I’m outside,” you say, fighting the heavy heartbeat echoing in your head. Your hands tremble at the thought of him here, all dressed up and acting like nothing’s wrong.
“What?” he mumbles.
You look up to the big screen above the gate. “Gangnam Public Stadium, right?”
The background noise slightly fades as he says, “Wait where you are, I’ll come meet you.”
“Parking lot,” you offer before he hangs up.
You step into the shade and lean against a brick wall.
Today’s one of the finer days of summer. It’s mid-June. The solstice is just around the corner. A light breeze brushes against your skin and gently ruffles your hair. It probably helps that you’re surrounded by wealthy cars. A mood booster, in a weird way.
Quick, heavy steps draw closer. You turn your head to the source.
Chan drops his hands onto his knees as he pants. “You shouldn’t be here,” he manages.
“You should’ve told someone why you wouldn’t be at work. We all have our regrets,” you nibble on the inside of your cheek as you stare at him.
“God,” he mutters, straightening himself before standing next to you against the wall.
“You’ll get your suit dirty,” you comment, but he doesn’t care.
“You should leave.” His eyes, heavy with an emotion akin to irritation and sadness, scan over your face.
“I’m not leaving until you tell me why you did this,” you stand your ground. Just like Minho would hate in a moment like this. “To get to a person, you have to ease them into it,” he guided at one point. Frankly, you couldn’t care less right now.
He avoids your eyes as he tries to flatten his staggered breathing. In due time, he composes himself and finally looks at you. His features have loosened, and you note his brow is no longer creased.
“I didn’t want to lose my cool in front of them,” he admits.
“Scared to?”
He nods. “It was scary enough having one person see me cry.”
The place between your heart and ribs begins to pulsate heat.It begins to spread across your bones and through your muscles. For once, you have to think about what to say next. You can’t be mad at him, for his reasoning makes more sense than it had before. God, this is irritating.
“Let’s make the song of the summer, then,” you reassure him with a curt nod. “Pull you out of this monster field around you and let’s make history.”
The dark surrounding encasing him cracks away as an unbelievable smile finds its place. One like you have never seen. One that pierces your heart with its joy. “Let’s do it.” And he drags you into a hug. Despite the roles taking a quick turn, you feel comforted. But he’s squeezing the life out of you.
viii.
You’ve done all you can do for 3Racha within the next week. The album is complete, as far as instrumentals and lyrics. All that’s left is promotion, along with all the theatrical elements left to be discussed. But that’s separate from you.
It feels bittersweet that it’s come to an end. You know that sometime in the future you’ll return to the studio with them, working alongside creative geniuses to invent a piece. Together. That’s the key. But it feels so far away.
You sit in your empty office, staring at the broad window as raindrops fall down the glass. Recounting the process in your head with distant gratitude. Title track: God’s Menu. You’re proud of it, viewing it as your child. Watching it grow into a real song, with real words and sounds attached to it. Wow. You catch a glimpse at the meaning of life as you watch two raindrops race down. It’s this: blossoming art from a tiny idea. Admittedly not entirely your own, but the principle remains.
The other tracks enlist an equal amount of precious memories for you. Late nights felt normal with the unreal energy coursing through your veins. You notice the products of effort as you consider all those extra hours. Admiration shoots through your body, leaving it numb.
It was all them, though, you acknowledge. You were only there as a caretaker, offering your own hint to mark the music.
3Racha is like a shooting star. It's fantastic, in a sense. Not everyone can say they’ve seen a shooting star in the same way not many can say they’ve witnessed the production process with three of the most talented producers in the game. They’re unreal.
A knock against your doorframe shocks you out of your thoughts. You drag your foot against the floor to turn your chair.
Chan, dressed in an outfit similar to that of boys’ night, awaits your attention. Sweat lines his forehead, glistening his skin. You can guess where he’s been.
“Hey.”
“I need your help.” His words were trailing your simple greeting so close you could say he interrupted you. Seriousness brings his face into a dimness, slightly intimidating you.
“With?” you prompt.
He leans against the frame with his arm, replaying his words in his head over and over before spitting them out, “I kind of told my dad I’d bring a date to his next party.”
“Oh?” you say, slowly realizing. “Oh.”
“Will you do it?” His features twist into a nervous reflection.
“Sure, if you pay for my outfit.”
You say this as a joke, but he fails to convey it this way. “Deal. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. Does Loba need a cat tree by any chance?”
He doesn’t await your answer as he slips back into the hall. Was that conversation even real?
An indistinguishable whiplash conquers your body into a sudden realization. You turn to your desk, scooping your phone into your hands and texting Minho, beginning with, “When you see this…”
ix.
Certainly, Chan is a man of his word. From the mere month you’ve known him, you should have gathered this. But as you stand in his living room, decked out in some outfit he carefully chose for you, it blares against all of your senses in bright, evident clarity.
Minho’s message buzzes against your palm.
Lee Knows: Loba’s conked already, two minutes after she ate. Have fun ;)
You: Lol thanks again for taking care of her.
Lee Knows: Of course. Anything for my bestest friend in the world. Now, a night of yearning!
The only way to describe this feeling rooted in the base of your stomach are the words: raw emotion. It’s a cluster. Jitters mixed with a blend of uncertainty and a weird elation? To be fair, you are about to lie your way through expensive drinks and hors d’oeuvres. What even are those?
Regardless, one thing is certain. Minho was right. It’s...discouraging to admit. Frankly, you’d ignore it for as long as possible if you could. But adoration is difficult. In your face. Forward, some would refer to it as.
God, this is all Minho’s fault.
“Ready?” Chan’s shoes click against the hardwood as he departs from his dark hole of a room. He looks stunning, though his attire isn’t much different from his office wear. A small sign of rebellion appears in his appearance, which ignites a flame in your chest.
Chan brings a hand to where your eyes are burning a whole into—his hair. The curls are there, less accentuated than bro night, but evident. “Ah, I didn’t really want to straighten it. I’ve already had fried hair one too many times in my life.”
“It looks nice,” you smile. Your throat tightens as you swallow. “You look nice.”
“Same for you,” he allows a prolonged scan of you. Sheepishly, you do one of those cheesy twirls you always see in the romance movies before Prom night or whatever expensive evening the protagonists are attending. Sincerely, with all the love rampaging through your chest, you’re going to kill Minho for cursing your life like this.
He snaps out of his trance, starting for the door. “We should get going.”
Aside from the quiet hum of the radio, the ride to the venue is silent. It wouldn’t be complete without hitting every redlight, either. Jisung’s luck must have rubbed off on you when you had that group hug.
You sit at one now, red gleaming against your face as you stare out at the sidewalk vacant of pedestrians. No one’s even at any of the other lights.
“You okay?” Chan asks.
“Yeah,” you turn back to him.
“Good,” he nods, instantly averting your eyes.
Perhaps you should have found a way to decline. Even Loba would have been a better date option. At least she has chemistry with him.
x.
To no one’s surprise, the venue is huge. Potentially larger than the stadium. From ceiling to the carpeted floor, decorated properly with the black tie theme.
Chan reluctantly grabs your hand before you tackle the crowd. If you were cold, the warmth radiating against your palm is sufficient for heating the rest of your body. Unluckily, though, you aren’t cold. Your hand feels clammy in his. If he wasn’t attracted to you before, he certainly isn’t now.
You stare at your shoes as you follow.
“Just a heads up about my dad,” he glances over his shoulder to make sure you’re still there, despite the tether between you, “he most definitely thinks we’re dating, so be prepared for questions.”
“Oh great,” you mumble. How do you cure a lovesick heart? What an ambiguous question offering up to a plethora of potential answers. One incorrect answer, though: acting out romance. In real time, too.
“Sorry, I probably should have told you sooner. Kind of slipped my mind,” he squeezes your hand in apology.
Even when you break out into a free space, his hand doesn’t pull from yours. Instead, he slightly tightens the hold as he approaches an older man. Without any prior knowledge (ie. not Googling his dad after he cried on your kitchen floor over the bastard), you could guess this is his dad. They practically have the same face. Striking differences, however, given some context.
“Hey,” the man grins, eyes shifting curiously between you and his son.
You dip your head in respect. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Bang.”
His hand claps your shoulder as you look up. “You don’t have to be so formal with me.” Silence hangs onto the end of his sentence as he glances at Chan for help.
“Y/N,” Chan offers. Your name sounds pretty coming from him.
“Y/N,” his father repeats. You want to sock him for saying your name.
“Well, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Would have been nicer if Chan had given a little notice,” he laughs for you, alternatively offering a subtle, but not unnoticeable, glare to Chan.
Reflexively, your unoccupied hand clenches until you feel your nails pressing sharply into your skin. Discreetly, you nudge Chan’s arm with your elbow as a sign that you’re here. Slightly, his hand loosens in yours as his nerves slowly ease.
“Sorry, it’s kind of recent,” Chan laughs. His eyes crinkle into a faux delight.
“Of course,” his father nods. “Haven’t seen any articles about it yet, which is good. You might not want this being exposed to the GP.”
“Wouldn’t want that,” Chan manages through gritted teeth, albeit hidden in a way only you could notice.
Then, as if the attack didn’t have a cooldown, he reaches up and tugs at one of Chan’s curls. “Your hair looks...interesting.”
It’s really difficult trying to remain neutral in the face of backhanded advice and compliments. Especially in front of this man, who shouldn’t even be given a title as esteemed as that. He’s scum stuck to the back of your old, rusty car that won’t go away in spite of however many power washes.
“Mr. Bang,” a waiter appears behind him, stealing his attention long enough for you to drag Chan in the opposite direction. He’ll find his way into a business conversation soon anyway. With no recollection of what he said to his son whatsoever. Considering his words will always stick with Chan, your face heats up.
You ignore Chan’s repelling tug, and his words that go in one ear and out the other. A hidden area near the bar is the only place where he has enough courage to stop you. But only because you let it happen.
“If we stayed there much longer, I would have caught an assault charge,” you huff.
“You handled it well, though,” he admits, “Even if you were about to break my hand.”
In the face of anger personified, he manages to smile and crack a laugh.
“Sorry,” you mumble, finally pulling your hand away from his.
“Do you want something to drink?” he asks, glancing back at the bartender serving an established looking woman a margarita. Likely strawberry from its tint.
You shake your head, “I’m good. Thank you.”
“Well, then, I’ll be back,” he reaches out to rub your shoulder before slipping back into the crowd. You’re jealous of the effect he has to just become invisible.
You pull your phone from its hidden spot and open Minho’s awaiting text.
Lee Knows: Has he made a move yet?
You: Why would he?
Lee Knows: Idk you’re kind of obvious.
Before you can answer, an incoming notification from Seungmin pops up.
Seungmo: Is it true that you like Chan?
Minho. Lee Minho. You grimace.
You: No comment.
Seungmo: Sweet. Jeongin owes me twenty bucks. But ew. Who would romantically like Chan?
The text really ties together with the barfing emoji.
“Who’s that?” the subject of both text logs peeks his head over your phone.
You snatch it back, instinctively turning it off. “Seungmin.”
“I didn’t know you were friends with him,” Chan observes, placing the black straw between his lips. His drink is also tinted pink, but not in a margarita glass.
“Minho built the bridge during bro night. Now we plot behind his back,” you joke, promptly making Chan choke. He coughs, covering his mouth with his sleeve as he sputters.
“Don’t do that when I’m drinking!” he laughs.
Your chest heaves as you try to stifle the laugh building up in your chest.
“Oh come on, you’re even gonna have the nerve to laugh at me?” he tips his head to look at your quivering frame. He finds this funny, but he can’t just not tease you. That’s not in the rule book.
“I’m not laughing,” you try to convince him, lips pressed into a fine line as quick breaths leave your nose.
“Right,” he rolls his eyes.
If he were being honest with you, he was doing this as a ploy to take your mind off of his dad. Honesty isn’t one of his finer points, though. So he stays quiet.
“Do you want a sip?” he offers the fruity looking drink to you.
“What is it?” you ask, but accepting the glass anyway.
“Just a strawberry mimosa.”
Again, if he were honest, he’d tell you he only got it to share with you. It was a shot in the dark, neutral enough. But, again, not one of his stronger urges. Minho would refer to this as him ‘making a move’, unbeknownst to you.
You take a quick sip. Humming in approval, you hand it back to him. “It’s good, I can barely even taste the alcohol.”
He fixes his hair absentmindedly as a passing conversation arises. Subject: Minho. Goal: offering both parties ammunition for his next offhand comment or prank.
“Did you know that Minho talks in his sleep?” you laugh.
Chan pulls at a curl, pulling it straight. “He seems like the type.”
You reach up and flick his wrist.
“Ow! What was that for?”
“Stop thinking about what your dad said,” you scold. The nerves in your stomach dissipate as your hand ruffles his hair, fluffing it out. He looks more relaxed as you pull away.
“Sorry,” he whispers.
“Don’t apologize, or I’ll punch you next time.”
“I can see why you and Minho get along so well.”
xi.
By the time you’re set free from the hell of socializing with all of Chan’s dad’s friends who last saw him when he was ‘this high’, the effects of the single mimosa wear off. Luckily for Chan, you drank most of it, so he’s set to drive.
“My feet hurt,” you complain. Maybe it would have been smart to break in the fancy shoes Chan invested for you before the event.
“Do you want me to carry you?” Chan asks, turning to you.
Against all voices inside of you screaming to decline, your pain receptors answer for you. “That’d be great, since you're offering.”
He bends his knees slightly and holds his arms slightly out. When you jump onto his back, he doesn’t even react.
“Do you religiously workout or something?” you joke, though true curiosity shines through your words. You’re pretty obvious.
“Duh. Every breathing moment I’m not working or crying over my dad. It’s a stress reliever.” Your arms, hanging from his neck, feel each vibration in his chest as he laughs.
As he readjusts his hands beneath your thighs, maintaining a steady hold of your body against his, your body grows warm and you can envision your cheeks glowing red. Minho was so right. And the field day he’s going to have with the upcoming weeks until the joke grows stale. You shiver at the thought.
“Are you cold?” Chan asks.
“Oh, no, I was just thinking about Minho.”
“Scary,” Chan mimics his own shiver at the mention.
You press your cheek against his shoulder, his steady steps drawing your eyes shut.
The silence you find is unparalleled to the one in the car earlier. This one is comfortable, homely even. So much so that you feel yourself fall asleep.
xii.
When you get to his apartment, he nudges your shoulder.
Your eyes slowly open, fighting against the dull light from the roof of his car.
“You can spend the night at my house. I’m not confident in pulling a sleeping body out of a car. Putting you in was hard enough,” he chuckles.
You manage a smile and hazily push the passenger door open. From the rest, your feet should be fine walking to the elevator (since there’s one less body than bro night, you’ll fit) and to his apartment. Still, he wraps his arm around your shoulders to steady you all the way up to his front door.
“I’ll grab you some clothes,” he says as you fall onto his couch. You didn’t acknowledge how comfortable it was just from sitting on it. Honestly, it feels like a normal mattress.
He returns from his room quickly with a pair of sweatpants and a shirt. Both black, as you could have guessed.
You walk to the bathroom and sleepily tug your fancy outfit off, careful not to ruin it. As you pull his shirt over your head, a rush of his cologne hugs you. You fight off the ‘I could get used to this’ comment that floats through your head.
You don’t remember walking back to the couch. But you remember Chan pulling a blanket up to your chin.
xiii.
Chan pokes your cheek, drawing you away from your precious dream of living in a cottage on the seafront—conveniently with him. You whine, pulling the blanket over your head in an attempt to ward him away. Dream Chan is waiting for you.
“Y/N, come on. You can’t sleep on my couch all day.” The worst part is: you can hear the faux pout in his voice. And potentially worse: you definitely could sleep on this couch all day if your life depended on it. Even if it didn’t, to be honest.
“Go away,” you grumble.
He sighs. His presence beside you disappears for a few moments, long enough for sleep to momentarily return. The bubble of peace pops eventually.
“Hey, Minho,” his voice returns, slightly muffled by the distance and the cloth pressed against your ear.
This is enough to spring liveliness into your bones. You sit up, hateful eyes shooting in the direction of the voice. When you see him laughing, his dark phone pressed against his ear, you reel. “One of these days, I’m gonna leave your company and then your stocks are gonna plummet,” you groan.
“Is that the best insult you can come up with?” he counters, dropping his hoisted arm to his side.
“I have more, but they're still closed off. You know, since you’ve rudely interrupted my sleep.”
“I’m sorry. Not really, though. It’s like noon.”
“And?”
“I can’t leave you here alone,” he laughs.
“What, do you have a date to attend?”
Awaiting his response, you reach for your phone on the coffee table. Two missed calls. A few Snapchats from Seungmin, likely pictures of his new puppy, but no matter.
“I wish. I have to meet up with Jisung. Pressing news he has to tell me, too confidential to be told over text.”
“He’s gonna confess,” you shoot him a look.
“Yes, because Han Jisung would be in love with me,” he starts for the kitchen. An extended arm pulls at the fridge, and he pulls two waters out.
“To be fair, if I were Jisung, I’d probably be in love with you,” you say, obviously without much thought behind it.
Okay. In your defense, you were a little too focused on reading Minho’s latest string of confusing messages. Trying to decipher the code, Chan’s response passes right through you like a ghost.
Lee Knows: Y/N you won’t believe this.
Lee Knows: Loba’s gonna be so happy.
Lee Knows: I know you’re probably cuddled up with Chan or whatever but call me ASAP.
Chan lowers himself beside you, tossing the cold water in your lap. He peeks over your shoulder. “Huh. That’s pretty much what Jisung said to me.”
“Why are you invading my privacy?” you glare at him, considering elbowing him precisely between the ribs. Ultimately deciding against it, of course. Through tense internal conflict.
“Really? You’re sitting on my couch, in my clothes, refusing to leave, and you wanna talk about privacy?”
Just because he has a point doesn’t mean he should voice it. Plus, he offered the clothes. And the couch for you to sleep on. It really just seems like a self jab to you.
“Should I call him?” Your finger glides across your bottom lip as you look at him for an answer.
“Sure, why not?” he throws his hands up in defeat. “Let’s see what Jisung and Minho have conspired this time.”
The ring echoing sparks a nervous pit in your stomach. You pick at the sticker of the water bottle. It feels like forever by the time he answers.
“Morning, sunshine,” Minho’s sweet voice reeks of sarcasm.
“You’re on speaker, by the way,” you close your eyes to avoid looking at Chan’s burning eyes.
“Oh perfect, you are too,” Jisung joins in, a dry laugh escaping his throat.
“We have some questions,” Minho begins, but fails to continue.
“Such as?” Chan prompts.
“Are you guys dating yet?” Jisung bluntly jumps to the case.
Your heart rams against your chest. That ‘yet’ tugs at your insides.
“Uh, no,” you draw out.
“The media sure thinks otherwise,” Minho jabs.
Chan’s already searching for the articles by the time you can react.
“Fuck.” He throws his head back against the couch in frustration, tilting his phone towards you so you can see.
CEO Bang Chan Lands a Date Weeks Before Comeback.
Bang Caught With Employee?
Bang Chan, CEO, Makes a Striking Appearance at Dad’s Gala.
“What? Did you really think there wouldn’t be journalists there? Come on Chan, do better.” You never knew Jisung had this cutting edge to him. If the words were aimed at you, you know you’d break down. It’s a miracle that Chan is this composed.
“Can you calm down? My god,” you say without realizing. “It’s not like we can’t fix this.” How, though, you ponder?
“If it makes you feel any better,” Minho reluctantly says, like this sentence could put his life on the line, “you looked cute.”
“Thanks,” you mutter. In any other circumstance, you’d be quick to mock him. Well. At least he’s not outwardly making fun of you. Another one of Minho’s late night insights seeping into your thoughts: see the positive.
A text notification drops down against your screen. Despite having the luxury of using his voice, it’s Minho.
Lee Knows: Would now be a bad time to out you?
You: Horribly.
“Well,” Jisung draws in a sharp breath.
“Good luck,” Minho finishes for him.
After he hangs up, promptly after letting you know he fed Loba this morning, you pick up the water bottle and place it against your cheek. The shocking chill redirects your nerves momentarily.
You try not to look at Chan, but you know he’s looking at you.
After a moment to catch your breath, he sighs, “I have an idea.”
It takes an effort to pull your attention to him. A war against yourself.
“Play along with me for a second,” he says, pulling his leg beneath him as he repositions himself beside you. Fully facing you, taking in your entire being—which doesn’t help your burning skin. You’d give anything to be invisible right now.
“What if,” he starts, “we go along with it?”
You laugh in his face. “Are you sure that wouldn’t blow up even worse? Imagine people finding out we faked it. That wouldn’t be good for you.”
He messes with his fingers, suddenly finding an intense interest in the linework of them. He rubs his thumb against the crease of his ring finger. “I don’t think anyone would have to find out it’s fake, per se.”
“How are you so confident?” You look at him in awe. Even when he’s spewing absolute nonsense and under pressure, he looks like a god. Calm as ever. It’s horrifying for your heart. And for common sense, but that’s not as important right now.
“I don’t think Minho would lie to me.”
“What does Minho have to do with this?”
His dimple shows itself as a measly smile crosses his lips. “He may have told me.”
Regardless of what he may have spilled, you know instantly. “You’re kidding me,” you huff. What was the point of his dramatic message, then? A distraction, maybe.
“I mean it’s okay. It’s not like it’s not reciprocated or anything.”
“You are unbelievable,” you shake your head. “How did you know and not say a single thing?”
His hands shoot up in defense. “To be fair, I didn’t find out until after you fell asleep last night. For the second time. He texted me with this whole ‘I know something you don’t’ facade. I wasn’t going to act on it until I had a stupidly romantic plan, but then this happened,” he gestures around the room, as if it’s the decor’s fault. He’s quick to add, “And I couldn’t do that as soon as they said anything about the articles. That’d kinda ruin the mood, don’t you think?”
So Chan’s probably not good with looking amazing under pressure—he very well could be, but you wouldn’t know that right now. Which slightly irritates you, but no matter.
“Well,” you sigh. “I guess that solves the problem.”
He nods, looking at you solemnly.
“Your dad’s gonna be pissed, though,” you comment, and he laughs.
“I know.”
Funny. As soon as the problem jumped at you, the imminent solution scared you just as fast. Your head hurts from the whiplash. That must be a pattern with him.
“You know what’s kinda perfect about this?” he says after a moment.
“Tell me.”
“We can write love songs together now. Isn’t that cool?” The sheer joy in his face shatters any aggravation left in your veins. A smile creeps up on you.
“You’re such a nerd.”
“And you’re madly in love with a nerd so I don’t see what your point is.”
You pull the pillow out from behind your back and chuck it at his head.
“Oh so you’re trying to kill your beloved love interest? Real classy, Y/N.”
“Please just shut up and kiss me already,” you lean over halfway and wait for him to meet you.
Kissing a major CEO doesn’t feel much different than kissing a normal person, but there’s a striking flare of passion to it. Maybe that’s a personal thing.
His lips fit against yours in a way that makes your soul instantly tethered to him. You hope he can’t feel your heartbeat against your lips, for it’s pulsing rather loud and antsy for you.
Chan radiates warmth in every piece of his body, extending all the way to his aura. If it wasn’t for your pesky lungs running out of air, you’d never pull away.
xiv.
In spite of his idea for a romantic confession going down the drain as soon as he decided to think one up, he makes up for it with incessant gestures. Bringing you snacks when he should be in meetings. Buying you sweets when you get stressed. Purchasing Loba a huge cat tree, even though she doesn’t need to be spoiled further. Spending the night at your house even when his is way more comfortable for the sheer reason that Loba would feel lonely.When you mention taking her with you, he’d say, “I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable with the new environment.”
He even postponed bro night because you got sick and wanted to be the one to take care of you.
You don’t need reminders that he loves you, but it’s all the while heartwarming when he says it.
Even now, with his arm wrapped around your waist and his chin propped on your shoulder, he’s thinking aloud in romance land. “What if we went on a vacation to France for Christmas? Isn’t Paris the city of love?”
You watch the TV, but his voice drowns out all of the dialogue. “I don’t know, Chan. Why can’t we stay here?” you shift in his arms to roll over and face him. This close, as you’ve grown accustomed to these past months, you can count all of his eyelashes. And you can see tiny freckles scattered across his cheeks. It must be an Aussie thing.
He presses a kiss to the tip of your nose. “We can stay here. I’m fine with that.”
Loba jumps onto the bed, her collar jingling with her sudden movement to warn you she’s arrived. You pull away from Chan a little to make room for her between you. “Here comes the princess,” you feign disappointment with a sigh.
She claims her spot between your chests and curls herself into a ball, burying her face in Chan’s chest. Per usual. She often forgets who feeds her around here.
“Anyway,” Chan leans over her, kissing your lips gently, “I’m okay wherever. As long as you’re with me.”
After a beat of silence, you cup his cheek delicately and say, “Let’s go to the moon.”
“Yeah,” he grins, “Let’s go to the moon.”
xv.
He leans over and presses a kiss to your temple, setting a bottle of water in front of you.
Jisung gags from across the room. “Get a room,” he complains.
“You are a grown man and you can’t handle a couple being affectionate?” Changbin criticizes. “Get a life, dude.”
“Yeah,” you chime in, “Just ‘cos you live a poor, single life doesn’t mean you can hate on us.”
“Jeez, I didn’t sign up for slander on this Monday morning.”
“You definitely asked for it, but let’s get to work.” Chan draws his phone from his pocket and prepares for the official meeting regarding 3Racha’s next comeback.
God’s Menu was well received from the public, sending Chan’s dating scandal into the shadows. Minho basked in the compliments on the choreography. Seungmin whined when no one on Twitter noticed he was the vocal coach—and Minho didn’t make it much better by rubbing his glory in Seungmin’s face every chance he got. And you couldn’t get Chan to stop showing you funny Tweets and praise for nearly a month. Likely longer.
Here you sit in Chan’s office at the beginning of the new year. A lot of things can go south during six months, but things can shoot north too. Generally, for you, it’s been pretty north.
This time around, Jisung has calculated his homework and broadcasts his thoughts onto the wall.
“I already know what you’re gonna choose for the title track, so let’s choose B-sides,” he adds the disclaimer before anyone can mutter a peep.
“I don’t know about you all,” Chan dips his hands into the pockets of his trousers and leans against his desk, “but I’d say I’m pretty confident in writing a love song right now.”
You groan alongside Jisung. “Stop talking.”
Here we go on the hunt for the song of the new year. Conquer the competition before anyone has a chance. Like you did in creating the song of the summer.
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thefanficmonster · 3 years
Text
Filterless
Corpse Husband x Plus-sized Reader (Female)
Warnings: Body Image Insecurities, Low self-esteem, Swearing
Genre:  Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, RPF (Real Person Fic)
Summary: Feeling comfortable in her skin has hardly ever been the case for Y/N who’s been struggling with body image issues all her life. However, they only get worse when she sees the ‘type’ of girls her crush is into.
Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your request (hits close to home 😅) I’m so sorry it has taken me so long to fulfill it and post it but here it finally is and if you’ve stuck around long enough to read it, I hope you enjoy! ALSO! - Never forget how beautiful and amazing you are. Never compare your beauty to someone else’s. We’re all beautiful people and we all shine so brightly and uniquely. No one deserves to be compared to anyone when we’re all so different yet so incredible. Love you and appreciate you with all my heart, Vy ❤
If I ever need my ego taken down a few notches - it never does, it’s barely even present, to be honest - all I have to do is go on Instagram. To be honest, regardless of how I’m feeling, opening that app is bound to make my mood plummet and come crashing into the ground so hard it drives a hole in it - probably in the form of a broken heart.
Being a content creator myself, I often get asked questions about my absence on that social platform specifically. I mean, the questions are based and rational I guess, considering I’m not a faceless YouTuber and yet my Instagram account is void of any photos. It’s not like I don’t post at all - I do! I post on my story often but it’s more often than not scenery I find pretty or a poster I’ve made for a movie/video game. Bottom line is: I barely ever allow a picture of me to make it online. The most my fans are ever gonna get of me is a selfie which is also a super rare occurrence because of how long it takes me to take and choose one I don’t hate.
Ok, but how am I supposed to find the motivation to post any sort of picture of myself when on my timeline I’m always faced with people worthy of posting pictures of themselves. People with such perfect bodies and beautiful faces. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not jealous or envious of those people - good for them! They know what they’re working with and they’re working it well. I have nothing against them, in fact, I love seeing people proud of their bodies no matter their size, shape or weight. Those are my role-models: people who are proud of themselves, their bodies, their attributes and capabilities and don’t hesitate to show them off. Those are the people I look up to but, deep down inside I know I’ll never be like.
Insecure about my body, having been referred to as ‘chubby’ and ‘squishy’ all my life. Inappreciative of the stuff I do: starting from my job as a graphic designer leading towards my job on YouTube - nothing I do, professionally or otherwise, satisfies me. Nothing I do is enough in my eyes because I feel incapable of ever being able to do enough. I’ve been called lazy and a half-asser a few too many times to be able to brush it off as a meaningless insult. 
With these problems I’ve had with myself and my own perception of who I am and the work I do, I’ve never had the time for romance or romantic relationships. I second-guess the intentions of everyone who ever shows any interest in me because in my mind I’m nothing special and I have nothing to offer - nothing attractive or likable at least. That being said, I haven’t even been one to make heart eyes at others either. I busy myself with my job and some side-gigs, brushing off any relationship questions with the excuse that I’m ‘just too busy to be in a relationship’ which is technically true.
Having spent twenty plus years with that mindset, one can imagine how surprised I was when I found myself catching feelings for someone. And that someone just couldn’t be any other than the biggest YouTube sensation at the moment - Corpse Husband.
I’m close friends with Poki - her and I were roommates at one point too - so her inviting me to play Among Us with them wasn’t so strange. One or two games, I thought, nothing unusual there, just friendly curtesy. I wasn’t expecting to warm up to the group of famous streamers nor did I expect them to welcome me among them so easily, mostly because my channel is so small and practically invisible to the YouTube algorithm. But soon enough, I became a permanent member of the team, making friends with every single one of those YouTubers I practically thought of a celebrities.
This journey of branching out to other content creators has proven itself to be surprisingly pleasant and has packed my book of friendships to the brim. All of that came unexpectedly, along with a wave of new subs and a higher view count. However, as I mentioned, it hasn’t been all sunshine and rainbows. I came to finally understand what my high school friends were talking about when they were head over heels for a boy - the butterflies in the stomach whenever he speaks your name; the importance of the laugh you share with him, how special and different it is; how cool it is to be impostors with him - ok they never said that, obviously, but it’s what I have as a substitute to the ‘when the two of you make eye-contact’ bullshit since Corpse and I have never seen each other in person. That is, of course, because of him being a faceless YouTuber and me being a self-conscious and insecure girl.
We do talk all the time though - texting, calling, chilling on Discord, you name it. Our conversations range from deeply philosophical to ones that might mislead someone into thinking we’re high. There’s no topic we haven’t touched upon and yet we still manage to find something new to talk about. We have plenty of similarities but we also never seem to run out of differences we slowly come across as we keep getting to know each other better and better. 
And somewhere along that journey I ended up catching feelings.
Human nature of wanting to connect with other people, I curse you for what you’ve done to me.
You might think I’m being overdramatic about the whole ordeal and that this is just a normal, natural occurrence many people experience in their life - some even daily. Well, not only am I far from used to it, but it’s also taking a toll of a different kind on me.
It’s like a constant slap to the face. 
That slap turned into a punch when Corpse and I started following each other on Instagram and I started getting daily reminders of how out of my depth I am with this crush on him. In over my head, especially when you look at all those girls whose pics and videos he reposts on his story. Imagine how that makes me feel, what that does to me - puts me back into the ‘Constantly not good enough‘ basket, the one I’ve been fighting to get out of all my life. In the past and in different contexts I could easily say that it was all just my mind hating me intensely but now - now that I know for a fact I’m not good enough and don’t fit Corpse’s criteria - it hurts ten times as much. I’m not one to do shit for someone’s attention or to attract someone’s eyes, but it really hurts my feelings. Often times, it also leads me to doing dumb things and making rash decisions. 
Like the one I made two days ago.
Imagine me cringing and shaking my head at my own stupidity as I admit this: I, in a frenzy, ordered a whole e-girl getup with overnight delivery. 
Wait, hold up, it gets worse. 
I received it yesterday and spent the whole day regretting that decision, but then, in my most insecure hours - which was somewhere around midnight - I equipped the get-up, took a picture and posted it on my Instagram page. First full body pic I’ve ever posted on there. First pic I’ve posted there of any kind. There to stay, not to be gone in twenty four hours. First pic, and it’s not even of me. It’s of who I want to be in order to fit someone’s criteria. And that fucking stings.
As you might imagine, I’ve spent today’s day regretting that decision as well. Recently my mood’s been nothing but regretting rash decisions that have surfaced under the influence of my ridiculous, constantly-present insecurities. And I would’ve probably gotten over it rather quickly had I not received a message from Corpse that read:
“Didn’t think of you with an e-girl aesthetic“
I didn’t open the message, I peeped at it as it was a notification on my lock screen. It’s still there, an unread notification. It’s been two hours since I received it and I cannot think of a single thing to say in response to that. 
Truth is, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of so many things right now.
I’m afraid of becoming that girl in the photo, cause I’m most definitely not her.
I’m afraid of letting Corpse down by admitting I’m not her.
I’m afraid of what my own mind has made me do because it hates me so much and I’m terrified of what it might do in the future.
I’m afraid and stranded on things to do.
You can’t be her forever, you know. Being her won’t make your insecurities go away, it’ll only make them worse. Haven’t you learned that by now?
I sigh, frustrated and irritated with myself as I grab my phone and tap on the notification, finally deciding to face the music and allow my instincts to carry me through the interaction. Improvisation, that’s one of the few things I’m good at. Let’s hope it doesn’t fail me.
I’m just about to type out my response - not sure what it’s gonna say - when I give the message Corpse has sent me a second glance.  I furrow my brows, finding there’s more to it than that peep through the notification let me see.
“Didn’t think of you with an e-girl aesthetic. You’re personality is so bright and colorful, I could’ve never imagined you were into the darks and blacks“
Because I’m not
I fail to realize until the message has been sent that my thoughts are exactly what I typed out and sent.
And honestly, I’m glad. It feels like I’ve spoken my truth, like I’ve lifted a huge boulder off my chest.
With that rare confidence in mind I go on and delete the picture.
In its spot, I post a picture I just now took - a mirror selfie in my homey get-up consisting of hot pink sweatpants and an oversized blue tee, my hair in a messy bun, my face free of make-up.
I caption it: ‘Oops, had the e-girl filter on for the last one. This is filterless me tho so...Hi 🥴’
A lot better, I’m surprised to hear my inner voice say. I hope I don’t get used to all this kindness on my brain’s part, probably won’t last, but damn if I don’t milk every second of it.
Just then, I receive a new message from non other than Corpse.
“Now that’s the girl I see when I think of you. She’s super cute 😉“
My, oh my, who would’ve guessed Corpse has a game like that - and by that I mean the ability to make me blush so intensely with only a text message.
Now ain’t that better than being someone else, Y/N?
It sure is, it sure is.
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xaharadesert · 3 years
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Returned Memories - Headcanon
Arcana Characters (Main 6) x MC
A/N: This one is for @lunriphus, and has been sitting in my inbox for months, so I am so sorry. I also can’t believe I forgot about it because I was super excited to write it! The MC’s memories returning has always been one of my favourite “what ifs”, but it’s a little hard to write about because everyone’s MC has a different backstory. I’ve left it pretty vague, but of course some of the character’s have more canon relationship backstories than others, so each set of headcanons is pretty unique! Requests are open :) I’m writing this without my glasses on again, so please let me know if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes
Also: I don’t mean to be insensitive to people who have amnesia is real life— if anything within this post seems rude or ignorant, please let me know! I will fix it immediately!
❤️Julian❤️
Neither of you quite understood how exactly you got your memories back, but it wasn’t exactly the biggest concern
You finally knew who you were (are?), and you could finally make the connections that your brain had been on the verge of for so long
Julian was an excellent partner to have by your side while you navigated the differences and similarities between who you used to be and who you were now
You two had known each other to some degree before, but there was no pressure from him to be the way you used to be; he was happy for you because you seemed happier, not because he would gain anything from you recovering your memories
Some nights the two of you would stay up for hours, simply talking over some of your old shared memories, helping you connect the pieces
He was always wary of headaches— he knew that with magic involved he wouldn’t be able to do much to help you if things took a turn for the worse, so he was prepared to scoop you up and sprint over to wherever it was Asra was currently hiding out
Julian was careful not to push too hard if you were struggling to remember something you felt you should— he would be the first to remind you that these things take time, and that living in the present was more important than recalling the past
The only part of this he’s slightly bitter about is the fact that you can now remember and bring up any of the embarrassing things he did when you two first met (but he could never bring himself to stop you from mentioning them because he knew how important your memories were)
🧡Portia🧡
When you announced to her that you remembered something from your past she asked no questions, she was simply ecstatic
She knew that your missing memories could be hard on you, and there were occasions where she felt pointlessly guilty that she hadn’t known you before because she so badly wanted to give you the information you desired
So knowing that you were on the road to recovering bits of your past life? She might just have been even more excited than you!
She loves hearing you talk about anything you remember, from funny little stories to dark secrets— she feels like she gets to learn something new about you at the same time you’re discovering it, and it brings the two of you even closer
Portia is especially great at grounding you to the present
While it’s wonderful that you’re remembering your past life and everyone and everything in it, Portia could only ever be a part of your new life
Even if you started to recover more unwanted, dark memories, she would be right there to remind you that the past is the past, and as long as you’re with her, you can take or leave as much or as little of it as you want
💛Lucio💛
Finding out your memories were returning garnered an… interesting response from Lucio
He seemed conflicted, to say the least— he was happy about your excitement at recovering a part of yourself that you had previously considered gone forever, and he was glad that you could remember all of the amazing parties he used to throw, but…
What else, exactly, did you remember about him?
Did you remember him as a tyrant? A warlord? A petty imbecile, too incompetent to rule over Vesuvia?
As ignorant as he seemed to be toward mass criticism, he wasn’t as stupid as people thought— he knew that the snide comments he would still occasionally overhear weren’t isolated incidents
He knew that you loved him as the two of you were in the present; but he was terrified of what you had thought of him in the past
Lucio knew that he was capable of changing, as he had grown as a person immensely after meeting you, but would your old opinions overshadow your belief in him?
He would want to be as supportive as possible, but his doubts would plague his mind every time you would share an old recovered memory with him
This time in your relationship would be hard, without question— you would be rediscovering your past self, and Lucio would be attempting to repress his insecurities
Communication would be key in moving forward in a healthy relationship, discussing and working through any issues that may arise alongside your memories and his worries
💚Muriel💚
He would be happy for you, and proud of how much you’ve grown as a person because of it
While he didn’t know you very well before you had died (only seeing you in passing when you were with Asra), he would be very supportive of you doing what you must to regain your lost memories
He was also the first one to suggest that you spend a bit more time with Asra and others that you had known before, willing to put up with a bit more social interaction than usual if it’s for your benefit
While he isn’t one to use magic to help with your memories, if he can use his limited abilities to recreate something you vaguely remember from your past, he’d do it in a heartbeat
He couldn’t keep up much of a conversation about your past, but he would listen to you ramble on about anything you can recall for as long as you’d like
Sometimes he wondered what would have happened if he had been a larger part of your previous life— would you remember him as much as you would remember everything else, or would his curse cause even more problems?
As sad as he was that he hadn’t gotten to know you sooner, a small part of him was glad he would never have to learn the answer to that question
💙Asra💙
It’s everything he had been hoping for for the past three years
After the initial panic he had at the thought of needing to erase your memories again if the headaches started to plague you again, he promptly burst into tears
Don’t misunderstand the situation, he would love you unconditionally with or without your memories of your past together, but knowing that you were slowly starting to recover bits of who you used to be overwhelmed him with emotion
He had felt like he had failed you when he managed to bring your body back, but not the entirely of your mind
Now, that guilt seemed to slowly be seeping away, leaving him more every time you brought up something from your past that you previously hadn’t been able to remember
He would love to spend all of his time talking about the past with you, helping you remember and basking in nostalgia
The burden of your shared past was no longer his to carry alone, and he finally had the chance to apologize for your final argument together, something that he had thought he would never be able to properly move forward from
💜Nadia💜
She’s thrilled that your regaining a part of yourself previously thought to be lost forever
Having had her own memory problems regarding her life in Vesuvia prior to her enchanted sleep, she had always empathized with your plight
Knowing that you were beginning to recover, she was overjoyed, although a minuscule, unwanted voice in the back of her mind quietly echoed feelings of jealousy
She wanted you to have a past to hold onto in times of strife, and although the two of you had never met prior to her entering your shop on that fateful night, she hoped you would perhaps be able to recall her effects as Countess
Nadia loved that you were regaining your memories, but she wished she could do the same— regardless, she would support you in every way possible, applying the knowledge she had gained while attempting to recover her own memories to help you further remember your own
Forgive her if she seemed a bit aloof occasionally during your conversations about the past; she doesn’t mean to seem unsupportive in any way, but she does struggle with her own emotions regarding the matter once in a while
She’s very open about these feelings, though— Nadia values honestly over honeyed lies, and she would never be hypocritical about sharing her emotions in your relationship
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LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
Whenever someone asks me about the stupidest thing that has ever happened in my theatre I tell them this story. This right here is a story about why two show days are the work of the devil or some evil theatre gremlin.
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Me: a lowly stagehand and dresser Mel: The fabulous wardrobe woman SM: The VERY PREGNANT stage manager whose body was filled with so much sass and sarcasm I’m surprised a baby could fit in there DC: The director and dance coordinator THE FUCKING ACTOR: who by the end of the show run we all wanted to push down the fucking stairs. 
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Off to the side was the amazing ASM, the rest of the stagehands, and the actors who weren’t complete and total shitstains
The Scene of this story. The second act of the musical. The stage decked out with moving carts, platforms and so much glitter it would have made Liberace proud (No Liberace was not the show we were performing. We actually did that show the next season)
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also please note that this wasn’t early on into the production this happened well into the run of the show. 
In the final scene before the ending big musical number, my job was to push in a rolling cart that held the apartment set. During tech, DC told the actors “hey I know you're running around before this scene but make sure you don’t end up in this ‘waves his arms’ area. Because the apartment carts are rolling in and it’s your job to watch out for them. Not the run crews”  This is honestly why I loved this man.  Now during the course of the run, the actors all pretty much stuck to what DC told them. Of course, we had other problems, especially with THE FUCKING ACTOR. who kept using prop napkins to wipe the sweat off his face no matter how many handkerchiefs we stuffed in his pockets for that specific purpose!
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SO in the morning production of this show during that pivotal scene, I get my cue to push in the rolling cart and LOW AND FUCKING BEHOLD. THAT FUCKING ACTOR is in my damn way.  Like an improperly placed piece of furniture, you always wack your damn leg into. Apparently, during this morning production, he didn’t feel like running around the stage like the rest of them and just sorta stood there. Now the lights are still down I still have time to get my cart to its spike point so I Pull back the cart a little and sort of nudge him with the cart a little bit to let him know. We still had a couple seconds he could have still taken ONE DAMN STEP FORWARD.
BUT FUCKING NOPE he just stood there like a video game NPC glitch.
The lights came up and my cart was about a 3 and a half feet off its spike mark. Which of course SM noticed right away and when she calmly asked me why in frick fracks name was my cart two feet of its spike. I took no time at all to throw the fucking actor to the Pregnant sarcastic lion. Which is when SM started cursing up a storm.  regardless we got to the end of the show with all the glitter and pizazz that was required of it.
now over the course of the break between shows. We the lowly stagehands swept, swept again (Lot of fucking glitter), and mopped the stage. SM came to me and in her wisdom, she used these exact words
"That ass of a man knows better then to stand there so if the fucking actor is in the way of your cart. RUN HIM THE FUCK OVER. HIT HIM WITH IT IF YOU HAVE TO"
Now some of you with that may be guessing where this story is going. Yet I continue
The show opens for the evening performance. There’s glitter and singing and some homophobic lady in the audience who clearly did not read the show's synopsis and hasn’t cracked a smile since the first drag queen sashayed across the stage...
We get to the big scene and there I was keeping an eye out and there was the fucking actor....YOU GUESSED IT...STANDING IN MY FUCKING WAY AGAIN.
So I in my innocent wisdom did exactly what SM told me to do. I pushed that cart with all my weight onto the stage (I Admit, I did this with a large amount of glee.) Now I am an average sized women. The fucking actor is VERY LARGE MAN.
 You can probably guess how this interaction ended.
The answer: I get the wind knocked out of me and a decanter filled with juice spills its contents all over the stage before the final dance number. Which Mel the fabulous wardrobe women had to wipe up with a massive arm full of towels when the rain curtain closed. This is why the theatre gods hate two show days and that’s my story
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