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ashintheairlikesnow · 2 years

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Who You Are Looking For

Follows directly after Kauri and Antoni’s fight

He knows it’s Jake at the door just from the sound of his knock.

“Come in,” Antoni murmurs, sitting on his bed with his back to the wall, a book open in his lap. Light comes from the little lamp on his side table, his curtains drawn shut against any hint of the outside world.

The door swings silently open, and he looks up to see Jake standing alone in the doorway. His eyes flicker behind the big man, but there’s no hovering Kauri, no telltale giveaway sniffles or whispering. Only Jake, who steps inside and closes the door behind him, the two of them entirely alone.

“Kauri?” Antoni can’t stop himself from asking, even though he still feels the buzz of unease and anger, died down but not quite gone.

Jake sighs. “He’s gone out.”

Antoni’s eyes drift closed, and he tells himself he doesn’t feel guilty. He shouldn’t feel guilty, because he didn’t do anything wrong. But like always, the knowledge that Kauri has run himself out into the night because of someone else’s words hurts more knowing those words were his. “I’m sorry-... I did not mean for him to feel so badly that he would do it again-”

“No. Don’t be. It’s not like that. I’m sorry, Ant, I didn’t say it right. He’s gone out with Chris. He’ll be okay. Chris is going to talk to him a little about the whole thing, Chris is, uh, better about that than I am, he knows how it some of it feels that I don’t. He’s not… it’s not going out out. Not like he used to. This is just to dinner. And even if he did go drinking or whatever, you shouldn’t be sorry for that, either. He’s a grown-ass man, he can make his own choices, even the shitty ones.”

“I did not mean to hurt him,” Antoni whispers. “I was only-... I did not mean-”

“I know, man.” Jake exhales and moves over, sitting at the other end of Antoni’s bed, giving him plenty of space. He shifts back until his own back is against the wall, too, and looks over at Antoni with a slight smile. “He didn’t mean to hurt you, either. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. Besides, Ant, I’m really not here to talk about Kauri.”

Antoni nods, slowly, keeping his eyes down. His bandaged hand itches madly under the gauze and adhesive, the fresh burn beginning its healing by trying to drive him out of his mind reminding him it’s there. It’s a larger burn, too, than all the small spaces where the cigarettes were driven into skin. “You want to know-”

“Hey, how’d you get hurt?” At Antoni’s obvious surprised reaction, Jake gestures towards his hand. “You’re bandaged up. What happened to you?”

“Oh, I… burned myself on the oven, before Kauri came in. It’s not so bad-”

“Did you put anything on it?”

“Of course I did, I have been burned many times, I know what I’m doing.” His voice is a little rougher than he means it to be, and he winces, closing his eyes. “I am sorry.”

“Stop apologizing, Antosha.”

Jake reaches out, and Antoni allows his hand to be taken in Jake’s warm, rough palm, looked over like it’s made of gold, not just burnt and scarred skin.

“You’re right,” he continues. “You know what to do, it was silly to ask. Just… the first thing that came to mind trying to sound helpful, I guess. Is it really bad?”

“No… not so bad. I put on the burn cream, the neosporin...” Antoni’s skin prickles under Jake’s touch, but not with the usual rush of distaste and dislike. He knows Jake’s touch will stay gentle, brief, what needs to be done and not anything more. And right now…

Right now, he could use a little bit of touch that isn’t a heavy hand in his hair blowing smoke in his face.

Jake smiles, faintly, at the sight of the ring on Antoni’s finger, matching his and Kauri’s. He rubs his thumb over it, back and forth. “Actually… I guess I came in here to say I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

Antoni looks up, and meets Jake’s eyes. It’s funny, how he and Kauri can both have blue eyes but they’re such wildly different colors of blue anyway. Antoni’s own are a warm brown, lighter than his hair, but not by much. The look on Jake’s face feels like it might steal all of Antoni’s remaining breath, replace it with something lighter than air.

“I’m sorry that information you were keeping to yourself was given away without your permission,” Jake says, voice low, almost a whisper. “It wasn’t ours to know unless you wanted us to know it, Ant. I’m so sorry that it was told. And I’m so sorry Kauri picked the absolute worst way to ask you about it. Just like... gold medal bad plan for asking, right after you got burned...”

“It’s… it’s my fault, honestly.” Antoni swallows, and manages a slight smile, more one-sided and sad than genuine. “I mentioned it to Jameson some time ago, because I thought it might help him to feel more understood, and I did not think at the time that he would want to share that with anyone else-”

“Okay, but that doesn’t give him permission to share it around, either, without making sure you were fine with that. And it doesn’t make it okay for Kauri to eavesdrop at other people’s doors.”

“Kauri assured me twice that he was not eavesdropping at all,” Antoni says dryly, and warms at the sound of Jake’s rich laughter in response. “I did not ask. He assured me anyway.”

“Which means he absolutely was eavesdropping, and he felt guilty about it exactly like he probably should.” Jake shrugs, and lets Antoni’s hand go so he can shift back into a more comfortable position again. “I’ll talk to him some more when he gets back, but I thought you two could use a little time to breathe, a little space for a bit. Kauri always does better if he can sort of script out what he wants to say, and thinks you’ll say, before it happens. He won’t panic if he has his script.”

Antoni hums. Wordlessly, he shifts around until he’s facing the same direction as Jake, pulling his legs up and off to one side, bent so his heels touch his leg. He leans against Jake, resting his head on that broad shoulder, on the soft t-shirt Jake wears. Jake stays right where he is, and doesn’t pull at Antoni, or try to touch him any more than this.

The silence between them is a comfortable one.

After a while, Antoni says softly, “Kasha will imagine me saying all the worst things I could say. Things I would never say. He will write his script and it will not be at all how I will really be to him. He knows that, and he will write the script like that anyway.”

“Yeah. But when you don’t say any of those things, it’ll be a pleasant surprise, right?”

They both laugh again, more air than sound, and Jake tips his head to the side until his cheek rests against Antoni’s hair.

“You know him well,” Antoni points out.

“I should, by now. I know you pretty well, too.”

“Hm. And what do you know about me?” It’s not quite teasing, not quite flirting, but somewhere near those things.

“I know that you need time and space after you’re frightened, or angry, or hurt, and that you felt backed into a corner when Kauri kept pushing. I know that there’s absolutely no way you say what he thinks you said, because I know you, and he does, too. I know that once he calms down he’ll realize that it wasn’t what he thought, and he’ll come apologize to you. And I know you’ll try to apologize, too, and I want you to know me well enough to know what I’m going to say to that.”

Antoni thinks that over. “Not to?”

“Exactly. Don’t apologize for this. You didn’t say a damn thing to hurt him, so far as I can tell, and what hurt Kauri was all the things he thought you were saying, not what you said. He hears you say this thing was bad to me and he hears but it was different for you, and that’s not what you said. He’s… he can be like that, sometimes. Like you said-“

“He hears the worst, because the worst used to be what was said to him always.”

“Yeah. Exactly that. Plus, he’s… he’s better at apologies if he gets to think it through first, take some time. And you’re better if you have time to expect the talk before it starts.”

“Hm. You do know us both well.”

“Course I do. I love you both. Knowing you is kind of part of my whole… reason for living at this point.”

Antoni laughs, feeling the rush of blood to his face. It’s never stopped feeling strange to have that feeling come from Jake’s soft, sweet tenderness and not from Mr. Davies and his endless humiliations. “Jasha… will he forgive me? For hurting him?”

“He probably already has, and he needs to go out there and wallow for a while in understanding how he hurt you. Then he’ll write his script, come back, and I’ll make you both a drink. Can I give you some advice, though, for that?”

“What?”

“Tell him you still love him, first. Before you let him say anything. Make sure he knows that you love him, even if he upset you, that it doesn’t mean everything else is gone.”

“He thinks I do not love him?” Antoni feels something chilled and cold, within himself, at that. “Jake, I-”

“No, no that’s not what I’m saying. He knows you do, he does, just... he’s scared you won’t, anyway. He always is, every time there’s a fight, every time someone raises their voice… Ant… when you’ve been, uh. Hurt. By people you loved and trusted, who were supposed to take care of you…”

His voice softens, and Antoni watches how his jaw works, how hard he fights to keep speaking, pushing through.

“… that feeling, that every screw up will mean they’ll pull back and stop caring about you… that feeling doesn’t go away. It never goes away.” Jake swallows, and Antoni tilts his chin up to watch his Adam’s apple move, how he blinks a little more rapidly. “Not all the way. No amount of therapy can stop your body from trying to survive, and when you learn, deep down where your blood runs, where your heart beats, that you’re never safe, not even with the people you love…”

“You never learn how to be safe, even when you are,” Antoni finishes for him, and watches Jake press his lips together and nod, just a little. A short, sharp jerk of his chin. “I know. I do not want Kasha to think I could do anything but love him, in my way.”

“It’s not because of you, or anything you do. It’s because… shit. You know what I mean.”

“I do.” Antoni closes his eyes again, letting Jake have the tears in his eyes unseen. Pretending they go unnoticed. “I will tell him I love him, no matter what, and that the talk is not about loving him but about what hurt.”

“But don’t apologize. It’s not your fault that he’s been made to be scared, and it’s not your fault that he heard something he didn’t know before.”

“I should have told you both a long time ago,” Antoni says, and finds himself leaning into Jake’s comfortable presence more than he has in so long he can’t remember if it’s ever happened before, this comfortably. “But I could never find the words to say. And then it had been so long… I just wanted to forget.”

“Does your therapist know?” Jake’s voice is slightly husky.

“… no. I did not tell her-… I did not want to.”

“Promise me something, Antosha.” Jake turns and presses a kiss to Antoni’s unruly dark hair. His lips graze down to Antoni’s scalp. “Promise me you’ll tell her, at least. You never have to say another word about it to me, or to Kauri, or anyone at all, but tell her.”

Antoni is silent.

“Ant, please…”

“I will tell her. I promise.” He moves his right hand to hook his pinky around Jake’s. “Pinky promise, like the children say at the park. Who all is in the house?”

“Jameson’s gone back to Nat’s. Allyn’s here, Sarita and Nova are with them downstairs watching TV. Eli is in his room doing… whatever Eli does in there all the time. Probably talking to Nine for seven hours on facetime again. What do you even talk about for that long?”

“You do not talk. You be as near to each other as you can, and when you look, you see the person you are looking for, every time.”

It’s Jake’s turn to fall quiet. They sit in silence for a while, Jake scrolling through his phone, Antoni with his eyes closed. He drifts, not quite comfortable enough to fall asleep, but realizing he’s held himself so tense, muscles locked, that he feels like he’s run several miles and just sat down to rest.

Ten minutes might pass that way, or fifteen.

“It is why I wear the ring,” Antoni says suddenly, looking down at his bandage, the silvery platinum peeking out above the top of the gauze.

“What?” Jake blinks, and looks over just as Antoni tips his head up. “What’s why?”

The kiss they share is quiet, and soft, and Antoni realizes he hasn’t smelled the cloves since Jake came in here. Only Jake’s cologne, and the scent of his body beneath, the laundry detergent in his clothes. His mouth is warm, and Antoni’s skin doesn’t crawl, it only meets that warmth with its own.

Then he pulls back, and smiles, their foreheads just touching, close enough to kiss again. But he doesn’t.

And Jake doesn’t try.

“I wear the ring,” Antoni whispers, “Because every time I look at it, it is like seeing the people I am always looking for.”

@burtlederp @finder-of-rings @endless-whump @astrobly @thefancydoughnut @newandfiguringitout @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @gonna-feel-that-tomorrow @boxboysandotherwhump @oops-its-whump @cubeswhump @whump-tr0pes @downriver914 @whumptywhumpdump @whumpiary @orchidscript @nonsensical-whump @outofangband @eatyourdamnpears @hackles-up @grizzlie70 @mylifeisonthebookshelf @keeper-of-all-the-random-things @autophagay

#whump ocs #fluff #hurt/comfort #comf #fluffy stuff #come get y'all qpr #antoni sings lullabies #jake the shelter guy #referenced abusive relationship #referenced child abuse #trauma recovery tw #recovering whumpee #angst and fluff #angst #whump

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aurae-rori · 2 months

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after pain : aventio fic

— #aventio #ratiorine fic

— poetic narrative

— relationship/character analysis

— fluffy and comfy :)

— technically wrote this awhile back lmao

— 2.3k words https://archiveofourown.org/works/54107008

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wangxianficrecs · 4 months

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💙 The Men They Became by pinky_b

💙 The Men They Became

by pinky_b

G, 3k, Wangxian & Nielan

Summary: When he looks at A-Yuan, he sees everything he wishes his nephews could have been: happy. Or: Lan Qiren looks back on how he raised his nephews. Kind of a character study. Kay's comments: This story is the epitome of "Lan Qiren tries". Sometimes, just doing what you do is best, is not enough. He thinks things are going well for a while after he had to take in his nephews, but the house of cards collapses at some point, both boys having to deal with severe mental health issues that have been untreated for too long. Still, he tries his best at least until Wei Wuxian enters the mix. Then, he almost loses his nephews for good... This story is just very lovely in its own heartbreaking way and everyone who grew up having complicated relationships with their parents will probably recognize some part of it in this story. Still, there's hope in this too and a happy ending after some much needed communication! I also really like how this mirrored canon. Excerpt: When he looks at A-Yuan, he sees everything he wishes his nephews could have been: happy. As he watches his grand-nephew talk with his friends and smile, laugh, he feels this weight settle in his chest, reminding him of everything he failed to do. He tries to not be too hard on himself, but he knows he failed both his nephews in so many ways it physically hurts him. He tried. He truly honestly tried to do right by them in everything he did. He sees the unrestrained grin that seems to live on Lan Yuan’s face and the crowd of friends around him, and in those things, he sees everything his boys never had. He wants to be able to give himself some grace. He was never an affectionate man, and children were never anything he saw for his future, but he thought he was doing his best with what life gave him. He wants to be able to say that he did them well. Both his nephews are smart, capable, respectable men, but he thinks they became all those things in spite of how they were raised. Sometimes he feels like the boys had to overcome growing up in his home to become the men they are now. They say hindsight is always 20/20 and he can see now that there was too much on Xichen’s young shoulders.

pov lan qiren, modern setting, modern no powers, implied/referenced child abuse, child neglect, implief/referenced self-harm, grief/mourning, parent-child relationship, mental healh issues, panic attacks, musician lan wangji, lan xichen/nie mingjue, nielan, journalist wei wuxian, complicated relationships, coming out, character study

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

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catoscloves · 10 months

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not someone trying to call maya an abuser to diss lucaya like... she gave him a few nicknames. the entire show all she did was give him nicknames and that was pretty much the entire extent of her teasing him. and he gave back equally in their dynamic too. yes it's probably unkind to call people nicknames especially when they express discomfort with it i'll admit that much, and lucas didn't seem to be too happy about it (honestly most of the time he was fond of this habit too and enjoyed the experience hence "putting thought into their little game") but that does not equate to abuse bestie! that's an extreme place to go just because you don't like a ship akdjfjfjfj

and it's admittedly mean to make fun of someone's heritage, but even that didn't really go to a level where it became uncomfortable either. lucas is from texas and maya made occasional jokes about it based on stereotypes? which may not be that great but this is a show about middle school characters and while i'm not saying maya's actions are okay and acceptable, she is a literal child! i guarantee y'all were just as annoying and mean when you were in middle school XD

#and a case can hardly be made for verbal abuse either bc disney would never go to that kind of extreme and excuse that behavior #the channel is directed towards children and literally 100% of the episodes end with a lesson/bad behavior being punished #also the post i'm referencing compared maya to Sam from icarly and her behavior in her relationship with freddie #like she's the one that went far enough to make it uncomfortable not maya!!!#sam was the one being genuinely unkind and mean and even going so far as to bring physical violence into their interactions #a case can be made for sam's abusiveness but not maya lmfao #was maya wrong for some of her behavioral choices?? probably but abuse is not the correct word by far XDDD #anna speaks #girl meets world #lucaya #maya hart

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eclaire-went-bam · 4 days

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i'm THIS close to just making my pronouns he/it, or just it/its, bcs istg ppl see "prefers it/it but also ok with he/they" & think it's a good excuse to not call me by my "weird" pronouns

people hardly ever use "he" either, bcs i don't pass

like. it/it's my preferred pronouns. he/they is tolerable but over time i'm just going to get annoyed. wait till they hear abt my super secret neopronouns

#a lot of my close friends/ep do refer to be as he/it with more of an emphasis on “it” so that's nice #but a lot of my more casual relationships just stick with they/them. even if they're also lgbtqia+ or genderqueer #at first i was fine with they/them but now its wayyy too ;; eugh #basically everyone 40+ i meet irl will be disgusted if i wanna be called an it or just stick to they/them #istg they/them are the standard nb pronouns that make *some* allies be more comfortable with nbs. if it's anyth other than th #**they/them they get uncomfortable #every time #the number of people i've had lecture me abt why wanting to be called an “it” is bad should be illegal #once someone referenced a book abt child abuse as the reason they won't call me it #cw child abuse mention #once someone compared it to the treatment of the victims of the holocaust #cw genocide mention #LIKE WHAT #eughhh #they/them is highkey starting to make me dysphoric bcs i know the ppl who exclus call me that #just view me as some vaguely nb-identifying girl #i can't wait to get top surgery !!!#lgbtqia #lgbtqia+#transgender #trans #nonbinary #agender #genderless #genderfree #it/its #he/it #neopronouns

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fic-ive-read · 1 year

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Link To The Fic

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enuniu · 5 days

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plane of memories and golden coins

The chime of a golden coin being collected rang around the small room, it sounds reverberating off the skin of Yoosung and causing a slight shiver of excitement now that he has finally completed such a complicated level.

His hands gripped the bright red controller in his sweaty palms, the shine gliding beside the handles and causing his ability to control just a bit harder than when he had started. His taped fingers— wrapped in colorful bandages from the countless times he tried cooking from a recipe he had found in one of Rika’s old books —pushed lightly against the small buttons as he maneuvered the pointer to enter a new realm of trees and morbid creatures on the small screen.

Soft snores echoed against Yoosung’s back, reminding him he had to be extra quiet to let the being behind finally have the pleasure of sweet dreams or a blank slate in their mind as darkness welcomed drowsiness.

Shades of blue and purple and black painted the room beautifully; the only source of light to swirl the colors together was a small television placed on a hardwood floor, without a table to lay on. It flashes of the many different scenes happening on it— courtesy to Yoosung’s fiddling with a joystick —bouncing across the features of the blond and the redhead on the couch.

If the young boy risked his thirteen lives he worked hard to collect for his red character to hold a clammy hand on such a rough one, experienced one: traces of hard work and tiny, white scars littered across its pale dimension, he would deny the statement.

Because the feeling of clasping such a boy who tremors in the presence of a religious figure, who tinkers with nails and washers and gift those exact projects to his humble friends; who whispers softly in the shell of your ear— hot breath fanning your neck, sending shivers down to your spine as sweet encouragement of words and praises and love shatter your composure to hear any more of it — it’s all too much and too little and maybe the curious younger boy wanted a taste of it.

For some time, Yoosung assumed he and Saeyoung were from the same star, the same orbit. Their values were similar in ways which when they shared the same room, it’s almost as if they collided and meshed so well together there was no need for such an imperfect balance. Instead, it was replaced with fits of giggles and boyish teases; pranks that could’ve been taken too far but the blond can’t help and hold a grudge for so long, so Saeyoung knew he always had one more chance left.

It was the way a small smile of slightly crooked teeth that dared to look his way had Yoosung’s grip hold on tighter to the collared shirt he wore too often. It was the way the redhead traced the curves of his young face, complimenting the strange color washed in his eyes and joking about how he possibly got the physical trait from a faraway being— nothing human but all the more the same emotion Yoosung held in his own.

Saeyoung stopped pushing when Yoosung decided he had enough and pulled such a fragile boy against his chest and rubbed a shaking hand across the surface of his back. No matter how many throws and curses the other tossed his way, Yoosung took it with a grain of salt and hoped it wasn’t all true. He hoped the fumbling sentences that were wretched from his scratchy throat, were all just mere lies and thoughts the redhead had conjured up for the sake of the people closest to move; to leave and never come back because there was only one person who deserved such a far away concept of happiness.

Saeran didn’t ask for it, but Saeyoung gave and gave and—

Here he was. Stretched limbs displayed along the frayed gray couch of Yoosung’s dorm room. Strands of fiery red— (sometimes Yoosung argued with himself that it could’ve been the soft color of orange, shades of autumn and pumpkins and the sweet smell of annual treats he passed by every morning on the way to class, bright or the dark shade of) —hair framed such a peaceful face that the other hadn’t witnessed in a long time.

There was a bowl of popcorn discarded on the flat of his stomach, almost similar to an elevator the way it descended every time a breath Saeyoung took as he brought it back down.

He still held his hand. He no longer paid attention to the game in front and instead twisted his body around fully to enrapture such a wonderful sight to see. Yoosung brought his body closer, seeking warm, heat Saeyoung always seemed to radiate off and had the smaller one of the two melt at any slight touch.

He played with their fingers, tangled up lazily as Saeyoung's grip was pliant and loose, not necessarily hanging on but still curling around the wrist of Yoosung’s. The soft colors that emitted from the television screens painted a nice shade along the sleeping features of the other, eyelashes cascaded low as it shadows underneath his closed eyes.

Yoosung brought his free hand from the floor to lightly press his palm against the warm cheek of Saeyoung. His nimble fingers carefully rubbing circles on the soft skin, too scared to wake up the being beside him.

It didn’t do much though. In a matter of seconds— of moments where it was just Yoosung brushing away silent tears and coaxing horrible memories and heartbreaking betrayals to leave this desperate boy alone— Saeyoung’s amber orbs flickered open, a hazy smile matching the sleep clinging onto the corners of his eyes.

Yoosung smiled softly, thrumming the pads of his fingers more firmly against Saeyoung; an apology for waking up the other from such a comfortable slumber.

Seayoung’s tried gaze traveled the expanse of Yoosung’s own, soon noticing the bright colors across the room— snorting at the character his blond left idling, getting eaten by a black wrecking ball with chompers for teeth.

A small laugh came with his playful look as he turned his head back to the boy in front, lifting the hand dangling, tingling with the overflow of blood and covering the same hand Yoosung still declared his property for the time being.

“You missed a gold coin,” he teased.

The younger boy whipped his head back to the screen, eyeing the black space circled with white, no golden shining coin filling it in.

His ears perked at another sound of laughter, this time much more awake and alive and everything Yoosung wanted to hear for the rest of his life. Though, he wasn’t going to announce that aloud and have Saeyoung get the upper hand in their little game of cat and mouse. He was quite tired of being the only one to fall for mindless jokes, regardless of whether the small white lies were obnoxious or not— Saeyoung was quite convincing when he put his mind to it: which happened to be the majority of the time.

“You’re never going to let that down, huh?” Yoosung responded, a hint of annoyance but still too soft. Damn— he sometimes envied Jumin for keeping obvious emotions in check; Yoosung just didn’t have that power too often.

Saeyoung’s eyes crinkled at the outer corners of Yoosung’s tone. The dim light capturing the mix of brown and hazel— maybe orange, (just another thing to add to his list of Saeyoung) —as he breathed, “You’re stuck with me young one.”

Yoosung’s nose scrunched at the teasing nickname but overall gave up on starting a round of comebacks till one of them lost to fits of laughter or a bright pink shade of embarrassment.

Neither said anymore. Too lost in losing themselves in a small bubble they created with a comfortable silence and unspoken words.

Yoosung can’t help but remember when there were times they couldn’t even share the same space. He recalls meeting up in public places; the arcade, movies, events held during RFA parties, but never at each other’s personal home— more specifically a certain stubborn redhead’s. He remembered the muscle memory he had every time Saeyoung— (or Seven at the time when none of their close-knit of friends were aware of anything more than a jokester with a skill for codes and binary numbers) —would send a ridiculous image of himself with a trail of expensive cars lined behind him and Yoosung would send a collection of annoyed emojis in response. The pictures usually held a signature peace sign formed on slender figures and glasses lowered down to the point where if Yoosung was with him at that moment, he would gladly push them back up to the bridge of his nose.

For some time, he believed those romantic eyes of his were too focused on the newest member of their charity. Always going on about how they would protect them at any cost, never mind his own well being.

Maybe, if Yoosung wasn’t so naive or childish, if maybe he looked a bit more closely back then, he could’ve seen the signs of an upcoming breakdown of tears and guilt of a lost brother.

No matter how many times he shook his head at the memories, pleading for them to go away because Saeyoung was with him right now. Saeyoung is no longer tied to mysterious people he once worked with who punished him with girl clothing and exhausting missions. He is no longer brought back down by the same blond woman and her loving companion whose eyes barely saw through the fog of danger. He was home and he was safe and Yoosung would be damned if they had a repeat of what happened so long ago.

“Hey,”

Yoosung wasn’t aware he blanked out. He suddenly felt the weight of warmth on his own cheek, accompanied by no other than the exact person he was thinking about.

The blond rested his eyes back into Saeyoung’s, filled with adoration and care; everything the other didn’t have the privilege of when he was younger.

He wanted to forget all that though. No more sad smiles and late-night cries as the moon shed her lovely light through cheap blue curtains. Saeyoung was okay. He is okay.

And he’s right here with Yoosung, smiling just as softly.

“Hi.”

“You’re still here with me?” Leave it to Saeyoung to continue joking around even if this was a moment neither wanted to break.

Yoosung didn’t mind. He would listen to these kinds of conversations for the rest of his life he hoped.

He took hold of the hand cupping his cheek, a dark blush already forming because no matter how many times they’ve done this routine before, he would always be shy to experience such comforting affection from the redhead. He brought the exact hand to the wide expanse of his lips, pressing them lightly against the palm of it and then peppering more around calloused fingers.

A giggle escaped Saeyoung’s mouth, no longer containing the exact same embarrassment he constantly harassed on the other.

Yoosung sighed, leaning forward and knocking his forehead against Saeyoung’s. They stared and stared and shared silent whispers of promises neither dared to say aloud.

“Yeah, I’ll always stay here.”

Amethyst eyes met hazel ones and—

“Always. With you."

#yoosung kim #saeyoung choi #mystic messenger #fanfic #mystic messenger yoosung #mystic messenger saeyoung #fluff #implied relationship #gaming #implied/referenced child abuse #light angst

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toowolfdelusion · 2 months

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just saw makima//denji clothes on a big chain store today

#get your abusive relationship mass produced and sold on a t-shirt idiot #tbh the csm clothes were hella cute. there was a makima top crop and a bigger power t-shirt too #i just feel bad for every girl who buys the denji//makima t-shirt thinking it's a cute relationship #i also find it very funny that they were all in the women's section. not a single piece of csm merch for men there #which is an interesting development because anime clothes used to be sold only in men's section for the longest time #i used to say that anime merch was one of the few flexes men's fashion had over women. i stand corrected #not only do i see more anime merch (especially shounen) in women's section now but it's also cuter and has more variety than men's #it's curious seeing the csm anime promoting makima as the main love interest though. i guess it's to hide the main twist #but even in the beginning anyone can see that denji and makima's relationship is bad. we just don't know the extend of how bad it is #there was also a cute t-shirt referencing 2000s cat/dog memes and i had to control myself to not buy it. i mustn't let nostalgia control me #wolf rambles

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cosmics-beings · 1 year

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"You think that's funny you animal, no one gets to laugh at me. I have survived millions of years of abuse and humiliation, I am meant to rule"

I like that starscream's push for wanting to be ruler isn't necessarily stemming from power but more so, he doesn't want to be stuck in the same position he was ever again. it is stemmed from the abuse and humiliation he's gone through over the years and that has made him a cold and selfish person.

i like how he actually references abuse that he goes through in WFC because he honestly never does.

it makes me wonder of sentinel had abused him in the past idk

#it also makes me see how similar both he and megatron are - because megatron went through abuse and humilation as well #i don't know if he and megatron's relationship is the same in wfc because it seems like he was just promoted to 2nd in command #so while they were in close proximinity i don't think the abuse he referenced for millions of years WAS megatron in this continuum #that isn't to say megatron treats him perfectly because well--he doesn't lmao #but it's an interesting take - starscream becoming a decepticon because he was a victim of abuse- i wish that prime actually did #something like this #but back to wfc - i like it and it makes a lot of sense as to why starscream does try his best to 'rescue' megatron in wfc because they are #extremely similiar in the fact that because of the abuse they went through they lose their way #and starscream just realizes that after running through the forest with a spider and t rex #megatron #starscream #the real victim is soundwave tho actually

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ashintheairlikesnow · 2 years

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⛑ for kauri?

⛑ - Some tender first-aid got this for Chris, too, and I think we should have some Chris and Kauri time

CW: Kauri's Poor Life Choices, drug use, bandaging referenced domestic violence, Kauri's Total Lack of Self-Esteem, accidental whump

Takes place during Chris's time at Nat's safehouse, probably before the end of the second year

"There we go." Kauri soothes, holding Chris's wrist with gentle fingertips just barely touching freckled skin. He wraps the gauze carefully, letting it unroll from its spool even as he tightens it over the gauze pad pressed to the cut. "There, it's okay, Chris. You're okay."

"I just, I, I, I just wanted to, to, to help with dinner-" Chris's face is ruddy with tears, shiny with the tracks drying as he rubs viciously at them with the back of his other hand. Red hair falls over his eyes, growing out by now but not long enough that he'll consent to a haircut yet. He sways to one side, then stops himself, but his hand starts to move, then, rubbing over the seam of his jeans along the outside of his thigh, back and forth, back and forth, seeking the comfort of the rough texture and the thread.

"It's okay," Kauri repeats. "It's okay."

"It's, it's, I'm, I'm so stupid, I can't even c-cut up a bell p-p-p-pepper-"

"You're not stupid." Kauri's eyes are sparkling a little more than they should, his smile is slightly hazy, but Chris doesn't ask what he's on and Kauri doesn't volunteer the information. He had shown up on the front step like this, beautiful and a little scary. "You were just surprised, that's all."

Chris sniffs, hard, rocking forward and back when Kauri lets go of his arm, looking down at the bandage haphazardly applied. Then he looks up at Kauri, slightly sidelong, not quite looking at his eyes. "You, um. Are you okay?"

"Me?" Kauri tips his head to the side, smiling and sunny. Brilliant and sparkling, and he's so high he can barely stand on his own. Antoni is taking a shower, and other than Krista and Ant, Chris is alone in the house, everyone else is out. Krista will fuss and Antoni will press his lips together but no one will tell Kauri to stop. "Of course I am. Why do you ask?"

Chris hesitates, then reaches his uninjured hand up to graze his thumb over Kauri's cheekbone. "You, you, you have a black eye."

Kauri pulls away abruptly, pushing himself to his feet, turning as if to hide the smear of bruising Chris had already noticed. There are more bruises around one wrist. "You're not the only one who's stupid sometimes, Chris."

Chris swallows the pain - he knows Kauri doesn't mean it, not about Chris, even if he always means it when he says it about himself - and stays where he is, swaying side to side. "Did your boyfriend hurt you?"

Kauri laughs, bitter and brittle as glass. "I don't have a boyfriend. Just some guy. Some... just some guy."

"Did he, he, he, um, did he give you-"

Kauri's head whips back to him and Chris swallows the end of his question.

"It's not important," Kauri says, flat. He runs a hand back through the wild tangle of black curls. There's fingernail polish on his nails, black to match, and the leather bracelet that hides his number is buckled so tight it must be painful, too.

There's a speaker playing music off a playlist that Jake made for Chris of all the songs he's mentioned liking since he came here. The song switches, a softly strumming acoustic guitar creating a wistful, pulsing beat with an electric melody over the top before the drums kick in.

I walked through the door with you, the air was cold but something about it felt like home somehow-

Kauri pauses. "I know this song."

"Yeah. Jake, um. Jake says not to to to to tell you. That he has this album. I don't know, um, what it is, but-"

"I do." Kauri throws his head back in laughter that's so sharp and loud it makes Chris jump, his heart skipping a beat. Then Kauri turns and looks at Chris, holding out his hands. He leans over, grinning, but it's a rictus, not an expression. "Jake's sentimental, he just likes to pretend he isn't. Dance with me, Chris."

"... what?"

Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze-

"Dance! I want to dance. Come here." Kauri moves and takes his hand even though Chris hasn't moved yet, pulls him so close their bodies are pressed together and Chris shivers. Kauri's face is an inch away from his or less. His breath is warm against Chris's cheek.

"Kauri... we, we, we aren't supposed to-"

"I'm not going to kiss you, Chris, I just want to dance."

"... okay. I, I, I can do that."

He's scared of Kauri, a little, when he shows up like this. Too scared to say no.

"Good." Kauri slides arms around him. He moves Chris's arms up around his shoulders, and Chris feels the heat coming off of him like a furnace as they sway to the music. Kauri lays his head on Chris's shoulder even though Chris is shorter than he is or maybe they're the same height. His wrist aches, but Chris bites his lip against the pain. He can't pull away.

He isn't made to be able to pull away.

It'll be fine.

Kauri would never hurt him.

And I might be okay but I'm not fine at all-

Kauri's hair tickles his neck for a while, prickles and irritates where Chris's collar once was, but he never says anything. He lets Kauri lead their slight, soft movements to the beat, feels his own pulse beat not quite in time with the song.

At some point, he feels a shudder go through Kauri. The older man's shoulders are shaking. His breath hitches, soft as a whisper, but Chris knows that sound. He's made it himself, so many times. Chris pulls him even more tightly against him, telling himself to be brave. "Kauri-"

"Don't." Kauri's voice is tight.

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise, so casually cruel in the name of being honest-

"Kauri, please-"

"I said don't, Chris. I don't want to talk about it."

I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here cause I remember it all too well-

"Kauri, what, what, what's wrong-"

Kauri's hands press to Chris's shoulder blades, fingernails digging in. The kitchen light buzzes overhead, a sound Chris can hear but no one else can, apparently. Except Kauri, sometimes.

"I'm so stupid, that's what," Kauri whispers, lips moving against Chris's neck, his earlobe. "Not you, you're great, but I'm... I'm so fucking stupid, Chris. Why did I think I could go? Why did I try to start over?"

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it... I'd like to be my old self again but I'm still trying to find it-

"What?"

"They're all him," Kauri says, voice low. "In the end. Everyone just ends up being him all over again. I think they're going to be different, and then they're not, and why do I keep trying?"

'Cause there we are again when I loved you so-

Kauri pulls away, violently, sending Chris stumbling back until he backs into a chair and trips over the legs, crashing to the ground, landing on his injured wrist with a soft cry.

Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known-

Kauri's eyes widen and he leans forward to offer Chris his hand, only for the younger man to flinch away from him instinctively. Kauri freezes, blue eyes wide, no longer hazy.

The guilt in them is glittering, crystal-clear.

"Oh, shit. Chris, I'm sorry-... it was an accident, I didn't mean to-" He freezes, hearing his own words, and Chris watches Kauri's heart shatter as he hears himself saying what's been said to him already, a thousand times before, by people who have hurt him.

"What happened?" Krista is in the doorway, ponytail skimming her shoulders. "Oh, Chris, oh no-"

"Oh, god," Kauri whispers, and backs up. "Oh my god-"

Antoni is right behind Krista, the two of them moving to Chris, who is curling up around himself, looking down at the ground, shaking his head back and forth. He's not listening to them.

But he can hear Kauri's intake of breath, watching.

Antoni turns to look over his shoulder. "What happened, Kauri?"

"I-... I was just-... we were dancing and I-"

"What happened to your eye?" Antoni's eyebrows furrow. "Oh, Kasha, no."

Kauri's jaw works, his chin goes up, and he turns without a word and walks out the front door, slamming it behind him.

"Kasha, wait-..." Antoni takes in a deep breath "Take Chris back to Jake's room," Antoni says softly, meeting Krista's eyes over Chris's head. "I will go after Kauri."

"After Kauri," Krista echoes, but nods, and helps Chris stand. The music has changed, Chris hates the new song even though it's been his favorite. It's too happy, and there can't be happy music over a moment like this.

Antoni goes out the door, leaving Krista and Chris alone in the kitchen.

Chris hears him call Kauri's name, already faint, and knows that Kauri is running-

Antoni is running after him.

"Call Jake," Chris whispers. "We, we, we should call Jake."

"Call Jake. Um, I think he's... with his girlfriend, with Addie-..."

"I want Jake."

Krista swallows and nods. "I want Jake, too."

#erase to control #Kauri's Poor Life Choices #drug use tw #drugs tw #trauma recovery #domestic violence references #referenced abusive relationship #black eye #recovering whumpee #chris the strawberry blond romantic #imperfect survivor #oh kauri #angst angst angst

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flowersarefreetherapy · 2 years

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Hold On: Come Back

CW: DUBCON, dissociation, unhealthy relationship dynamics (borderline abusive, but that isn't the intent), dubious understanding of consent, referenced past noncon, working through serious issues in all the wrong ways

The AC unit rattles in the corner. They lay on the bed, sheets twisted around them, hair wet with sweat and water plastered to their scalps. Daniel traces a lazy pattern across Star’s stomach, leaning over occasionally to kiss his temple.

“Alright,” Star breathes. He reaches over and grabs Daniel’s free hand. “Let, let’s, let’s go.”

“When?”

“T-tomorrow?”

“Of course,” Daniel whispers. He rolls over, caging Star in with his limbs. “And we’ll go together.”

Star smiles lazily up at him, hands sliding down his stomach. Promises they can’t make hover in the air between them. Damn, if Daniel doesn’t love him beyond words. He presses a kiss to Star’s jawline, then another to his neck. At the fluttering groan he gives, Daniel smiles into another kiss.

He wants to bite down hard on Star’s pulse. He wants his bonded to grab his hair and force him to his knees. He wants Star to make demands of him, to order him around and force him to obey. He wants to bleed. Atonement for the blood he spilled coming at his bonded’s hand.

“Daniel?”

“Yes, love.”

Star’s nails rake down his back. Daniel’s head digs into his bonded’s collarbone, a groan slipping free. Teeth close gently around his ear, tongue licking against the skin.

“You know what, what to do,” Star breathes.

A shudder goes down Daniel’s spine. He opens his mouth to speak, but Star presses his hands firmly to his lips and shakes his head. There is a new hardness in his eyes; a deep smoldering anger Daniel knows he should address, but the heat throbbing low in his stomach is too much for coherent thought.

“Star, what do you-”

“On your back.”

The hair on the back of his neck raises. Daniel nods, rolling onto his back. It’s odd, seeing his bonded from this angle. The handlers never allowed them to do this, though when they weren’t looking it was a different story.

His mind drifts back to the first time. When he was tired and Star offered and how wonderful it had been on the receiving end. Not only that, but the words Star had whispered still haunt his best dreams. The way he gripped Daniel’s hair, bit his neck hard enough to bleed, left marks across his skin that took weeks to heal. And he wants the same now.

“Pay attention.”

Daniel gasps as Star smacks his cheek. It’s the second time Star has hit him and he likes it far more than he should. They’re free, they can do whatever they want now. After all, their loyalty is to each other.

He doesn’t think you’re loyal.

“I love you, Star,” Daniel breathes, leaning up into a kiss. There is too much anger between them. “I love you.”

“You, you killed.”

“For you.” Daniel tenses as Star’s fingers knot in his hair, jerking his head back and baring his throat. “I freed us.”

“Into what, what, what kind of new l-life? You don’t have, have–there’s no plan.”

“I’ve already told you, I’m making one.”

Star’s breath is hot against his neck. Daniel reaches for his bonded, only to have his hands pinned above his head. The memories are too much and his breath hitches, but Star doesn’t notice, teeth grazing just below his jaw.

“Stop th-thinking,” Star demands.

“I’m–oh–not.” Daniel squirms as Star’s free hand slides down his chest, resting flat against his hips. He wants to move. He’s too scared to.

Star hums, taking his skin in his teeth. With a sharp gasp, Daniel arches his back as his skin is marked in all the best ways. The pain nearly distracts him from Star’s hand slipping between his legs. He makes some kind of undignified whimper, spreading his legs.

“Good b-boy,” Star chuckles. “Now you’re, you’re listening, aren’t y-you?”

“Star,” Daniel moans. “I’ve already explained myself.”

“Not w-well enough. I, I, I want a bet-better explanation. I want, want you to scream on-one.”

Oh damn. Oh damn, damn, damn. Daniel’s brain stops. All he manages is a nod before Star shoves into him. No prep, no warning, and he cries out before he can stop himself. Star’s fingers dig into his wrists as he shifts.

“Close, but, but not wh-what, what I want.”

“Star!”

“No.”

He starts a vicious rhythm that Daniel can barely keep up with. It hurts, but in a good way. He has to fight to keep up and it’s a surprise to him. Normally he’s slowing himself down for Star.

If I knew about this earlier . . .

“You better h-have, have a plan, a plan,” Star hisses in his ear. His voice catches and Daniel wants to apologize. Again. But he’s done that more than enough now. He’ll just have to understand and move on with him.

“Or you’ll do what?” Daniel gasps out. In response, Star grips his hip tighter, holding him still as he mercilessly picks up the pace. “Star–Star, please!”

His bonded won’t look at him. Daniel forces away memories of all the past times they were forced into this, ashamed and afraid to look at each other, their pleasure nothing but entertainment. It’s still the same, in some ways. Is this what it's supposed to be like? All confusion and pain and both of them with good intentions but the wrong execution time and time again?

Star’s thrusts hit the perfect place and Daniel arches. The heat in his body swells, reaching its breaking point. He wants to scream, but Star’s lips seal away the sound. Again and again and Daniel’s hands clench into fists. Screams die away in his throat. Tears burn his eyes with the need for release, but every time he gets close, Star slows down.

Please stop teasing! Please, I want this to be good. I want us to love each other!

Is this pleasure a weapon? Daniel tips his head back, allows Star full access to his body. Whatever he wants, whatever he’ll do, Daniel doesn’t care. He hates himself for it, but he feels his mind drifting away, back to the safe places he keeps for the moments of pain and hurt and the handlers and master who once ruled his nightmares.

He barely registers as he tips over the edge, a sob finally slipping free. Star follows moments after, gasping as he rests his head on Daniel’s shoulder. They are sticky and sweaty. Daniel feels little of it, as if he is simply watching instead of participating. He swallows. Is it his own sweat and blood he tastes? Does he even know the taste anymore? What is taste?

“I, I, I’ll follow you,” Star whispers. He wraps his arms around Daniel, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Follow what? I had something. I promised him something. What did I–a plan. I have to have a plan.

Daniel nods. It’s the most he can manage. What is wrong with him? He usually loves this. Loves when Star tops, loves when his bonded is rough, loves the bliss and the aftercare and everything about it. Why is it so wrong this time?

Maybe it’s the timing. They need rest, they need safety. That’s all. It’s the timing.

There’s nothing wrong. This is fine.

This is how it’s supposed to be.

Nothing is wrong.

Tagging: @darkthingshappen @blood-is-compulsory @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump (let me know if you want to be added/removed!)

#Daniel the protector #Star my beloved #dubcon #referenced past noncon #unhealthy relationship #dissociation #on the run #escape #unhealthy coping mechanisms #pet whump #bbu #bbu universe #hold on: i still need you #implied abuse #kinda??

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wangxianficrecs · 1 year

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Kintsugi by sortablue

Kintsugi

by sortablue

E, 2k, wangxian

Summary: Wei Wuxian had thought he was more well-adjusted; or, at least, that the thing that would set him off would be a little more impressive than a broken tea set. How funny that out of all the things that haunted his nightmares, this was the thing that chose to ruin his perfectly good day. (Or, Wei Wuxian’s treatment at Lotus Pier at the hands of Madam Yu has lasting affects that he previously had not thought to consider.)

Kay's comments: Sometimes, childhood-trauma just suddenly punches you in the face when you're just trying to mind your own business. This time around, it happens to Wei Wuxian, who just wanted to serve some tea. Thankfully, he has his husband to take care of him. This is the quintessence of hurt/comfort and I loved it. It's tagged as Yu Ziyuan bashing, but honestly, it's just canon? Like she used to punish him constantly when he was young, even for stuff others weren't punished for, like taking his robes off to swim.

Excerpt: In the space of one moment to the next, Wei Wuxian was gone. As if observing from outside of his body, he distantly felt the pain as he fell to his knees, one of the ceramic shards digging into his knee. Vaguely, he could hear a chant of i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m sorry, but it felt odd. Removed. Separate. Wei Wuxian was no longer having a good day.

pov wei wuxian, post-canon, established relationship, implied/referenced child abuse, panic attacks, emotional hurt/comfort, cuddling, blood, light injury, married life, married wangxian, protective wei wuxian, bad mom yu ziyuan, @yinyangbuns

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

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nootdraws · 2 years

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DreamSMP lore spoilers and discussion! This will be talking about c!Tommy and c!Dream, specifically their final moments in the prison in the finale stream. This will talk about child abuse, so pls be warned, keep urself safe <3 and it is c!Dream critical.

Ok I’m not very happy w the way that c!Tommy’s lore ended up panning out. (Not getting into that apology bc i wanna see if cc!Tommy is gonna say anything on that first. I personally am thinking that c!Tommy saying “I’m sorry” was intended in a diff way than it came across.)

I think that there were some very good elements in this lore (hopefully if I get some time soon I’ll be making some art based on those good elements) but the one I wanna talk abt rn is c!Tommy’s limbo sequence.

I’m gonna say, I really liked c!Dream being humanised there. I am genuinely really happy he was turned into something other than just a villain in c!Tommy’s eyes, even if the execution was a little clunky. I can’t help but feel let down though by the extreme nothing they do with this character revelation (obviously they didn’t have much time left after that but still! There could’ve been some confrontation!). I think that c!Dream should be humanised, not because he deserves redemption or deserves c!Tommy to empathise with or forgive him, but rather because I think it makes him so much worse.

Because c!Dream should not be mythologised into a Villain With A Capital Vee. He is just a man. He is just a human being. He’s a human being with a lot of cruelty and a magic book. And I think that in this context seeing that c!Dream was once happy and kind and good is important bc it shows that he was not made that way, he was not ‘forced’ to be a villain.

(Yes, there was a war and yes, c!Tommy burned down a house that one time but c!Dream’s response was wildly disproportionate to those actions, and thus I do not think he was forced into abusing c!Tommy in exile bc he clearly and obviously chose to do that of his own volition.)

He very actively and deliberately chose to hurt those around him bc he WANTED to. And he didn’t have a tragic story that pushed him over the edge! He was happy at the beginning of the server and then he became cruel. There is no plot twist backstory that paints him into shades of grey or justifies what he did. He was a man who was happy and lived a good life and made the active decision to be cruel anyway.

And for that, I think the limbo sequence was good. Sadly it wasn’t utilised as such and rather just seems as canon fodder for those who wish to defend c!Dream’s actions as if he did not abuse a child for months on end.

Thank u for coming to my TEDtalk, I have very mixed feelings abt this finale 😇🙏

#not art #text #c!dream critical #tommy lore spoilers #dsmp finale spoilers #tw discussion of child abuse #tw child abuse #tw referenced child abuse #dream smp #dsmp spoilers #dream smp spoilers #i liked Tubbo’s ending btw I’m glad he got to have agency even if it was In The Worst Way Possible #i cld write a dissertation of the relationship between Tubbo and power #every time he gets it he is immediately put in a position where he has to make an impossible decision #poor poor boy #hope he gets to go batshit in s2 #rejecting the dsmp s2 concept where it’s a memory wipe tho !#holding out hope that it’s set in the future #even if it’s impossible considering everything went kaboom

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catoscloves · 2 years

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"elena's such a bitch when she and damon are together she's so much better of a person when she and stefan were dating" like both of them are terrible only elena's actions reflect on her morality not who she's dating stop that at once

#i mean i get what y'all mean but it honestly just sounds like you only consider her a 'good' person if she's dating your heroic salvabro #and only like her at that point #and consider her ooc or 'bitchy' or whatever when she chooses damon #which imo means you're not really an elena fan you care about your favorite salvabro's happiness even though both of them #abused and belittled elena and took advantage of her vulnerability #and besides wwho cares if shes a good person #even as a care fan the fact that she was so mean to her and stole her dress is hilarious? lolz #attempting to kill bonnie and threatening caroline's mom were not the best moments #those definitely reflected poorly on her as a person #(more so for bonnie since elena didn't really intend to hurt liz i guess and lbr of course liz was never going to be collateral damage)#her relationship to male characters shouldn't be the priority over her abuse and mistreatment of her friends #and i'm not referencing her stealing care's dress that's literally fucking petty compared to her attempting to /murder/ bonnie #anti delena #anti stelena

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the-widow-sisters · 2 years

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First off, I want to say that I love your writing. Secondly, I was wondering if you can do a fic for Kate and Carol. It would just be nice to see them relate because on some level Kate is emotionally abused by her mom. Maybe Carol recognizes it and helps her, even though Carol's type of abuse was different.

A/N: Thank you so, so much!!! 🥰💕 That means so much to me to hear! I’m really happy that you like my writing!

Also, thank you for this amazing request! It was really interesting to write something with Carol and Kate. They’re a pair that don’t ordinarily interact with one another one-on-one in my fics, but I’m beginning to think maybe they should more often 😂💗

I hope you enjoy! 💖

Word Count: 2064

“Mom… Mom, no. Mom… Mom, listen,” Kate was struggling to finish her thoughts, pausing as she presumably listened to the person on the other end of her phone call.

Carol furrowed her brow as she walked through the door and headed into the kitchen to get a snack. Kate was in the common room talking on the phone, and Carol just happened to be overhearing Kate’s side of the conversation. Granted, she really had no other choice than to be overhearing it because it was happening right nearby.

“I’m not leaving the compound,” Kate finally spoke tiredly, and Carol paused as she withdrew a pretzel bag from the cabinet. It sounded like something that Kate had said a million times in the past, and Carol could not help but wonder about Kate’s precise situation with her mother.

With what little that she had picked up about Kate and her parental situation, it was not a good one. She knew that Kate’s relationship with her mother was strained at this point, but she did not know that the woman actually called her on the phone still.

“And… I won’t be coming to visit this week,” Kate stated and as Carol proceeded to fill her bowl with pretzels, she could easily recognize the sound of nervousness and pain in Kate’s voice. It was a sound that she had never really allowed herself to have when speaking to her father, but it was emotion that she had deeply felt within her when speaking to him. She hated to hear Kate with it, and it hurt her heart at the realization that Kate’s mother must have somehow abused her in the past or was currently abusing her.

“I have Avengers stuff to… Yes, I know how you feel about that,” Kate tiredly answered, and Carol furrowed her brow, pain filling her heart.

“I know. I know I’m a disappointment, it’s okay, I’m used to it,” Kate tried to muster some semblance of sounding bored as she spoke into the phone, but the immense hurt and slight shakiness that was radiating from her voice was enough to tell Carol that it was all a façade.

Carol looked down at her bowl for a long moment, waiting for Kate to finish her conversation before Carol entered the common room with her.

“Well, I love you, Mom. Bye,” Kate expressed, and once a silence had been present for a little while, Carol finally grabbed her bowl and headed into the other room.

Kate was currently sitting on the couch, staring off in space with her arms crossed protectively around her middle. Carol recognized the position. It was a self-defense mechanism and perhaps a way to give oneself a much-needed hug in the wake of great emotional distress.

“Hey, kid… What’s up?” Carol asked, attempting to sound somewhat breezy with the question, and Kate started just a little at the sound of Carol’s voice. Carol eyed her fondly as she came around and sat down on the couch. She and Kate had never really spent too much time together just one-on-one, but Carol hoped that she might could change that starting by helping her today.

“Oh, hey, Carol… Nothing really. I’m just… Just sitting here,” Kate mustered a smile as she looked at Carol.

Carol felt her heart squeeze a little and she nodded just a bit as she looked down. Kate was always so frustratingly strong for everyone, and as much as it killed Carol, she truly could recognize a similar sentiment within herself. She would rather laugh things off and make jokes than let anyone think that there was something hurting her deep down. Kate did the same thing but instead of jokes, it was simply too much cheeriness and that disarmingly bedazzling smile that hid a myriad of emotions.

However, Carol knew that if she was going to be able to offer Kate any help, she was going to have to bring up the thing about Kate’s mother. Kate was eyeing her carefully as it was, and Carol strongly suspected that Kate already knew that Carol was aware of her situation.

So Carol decided to just go ahead and speak up.

“I, um… Overheard you talking to your mom. If you need me to do something, just let me know,” Carol offered, deciding not to jump too far out on a limb.

She remembered her relationship with her father and how Maria always ranted and raged about wanting to hurt him. Simply from that, she knew that threatening physical harm on Kate’s behalf was not going to get very far. Carol herself had never really been all about violence when it came to her father. Even though he had hurt her terribly in the past in both emotional and physical manners.

“No, no, that’s okay, Carol,” Kate turned her down quickly, shaking her head as concern glowed in her eyes. Carol could see how badly that the girl hated that Carol had actually picked up on the whole thing.

“Look… I’m just saying… I’m here if you want to talk. I kind of know what it’s like having a parent that doesn’t approve of your life’s decisions and made it their life’s decision to make sure you know that,” Carol expressed, shrugging nonchalantly as she sat there on the opposite side of the couch. She leaned into the corner of the couch, relaxing as she reached among the pretzels in her bowl.

“Really?” Kate questioned uncertainly, surprise written in her gaze as she took in Carol’s words. Carol shrugged with a nod, chewing her pretzels.

“Yeah. My dad was a really friendly, easy to get along with kind of guy. Well… Until he figured out that I wanted to join the Airforce, of course. Or when I did literally anything that he didn’t approve of,” Carol admitted, pushing through the slight difficulty that she had in talking about the entire thing. She was honestly surprised at how easily it had slipped out of her mouth this time compared to the difficulty she had gone through the most recent time she had discussed it.

However, she supposed that after recounting the story to Natasha and Yelena not so long ago, she felt a lot better about sharing her story. Besides, there was also the fact that Kate was so good-hearted that it was easy to open up to her about things.

“He didn’t like it, I take it?” Kate questioned in a manner that was more of a statement. Carol nodded with a huff as she made the split-second decision to vaguely share the grittier details of that experience.

“You could say he left me with something to remember his displeasure by,” Carol admitted, and Kate furrowed her brow in confusion, not fully understanding the implication behind Carol’s words.

“How…?” Kate trailed off, and Carol forced a tight-lipped smile as she looked at the kid, crunching on a pretzel.

“He could get a little violent with me sometimes, and he was a drinker, so I got to meet his good friend Budweiser nice and up-close,” Carol explained carefully, forcing a casualness in her tone as the memory of that day flooded back into her mind. Falling to the Maria’s floor bleeding all over her floor, the twelve stitches in her back, the jagged scar that she still bore on her back even now.

“Oh, my gosh…”

“Nah, it isn’t that big of a deal. That was a long time ago,” Carol quickly interjected, trying to stop her. After all, she had not told Kate to make her feel bad for her or to make the focus about her. She had told her to make Kate more comfortable with talking to her so that she knew Carol could relate.

“That’s… That’s a really big deal, Carol,” Kate told her, worry glowing in her eyes as she scooted closer to the blonde. Carol shook her head as she eyed Kate gently.

“That’s not really the point, Kate. The point is that I get what you’re going through,” Carol assured.

Kate shook her head incredulously, still looking at Carol with far too much worry. Her eyes were scanning Carol’s form almost as if she were trying to see where the wound had been and where the bottle had hit her. Carol politely allowed her to try to find it, choosing not to say anything. She might let Kate see at some point, but not right at this moment.

“Gosh, Carol, my mom’s never actually hit me. She’s said a lot of stuff that felt like a slap in the face, but she’s never actually gotten violent,” Kate explained, and Carol nodded carefully, listening to her words. Kate went quiet after a minute, and Carol just eyed her patiently.

“I’m listening if you want to talk more about it,” Carol offered, and Kate let out a slight huff, grinning momentarily before the expression dulled out into something more pained. Carol could see all the thoughts running through the younger girl’s head.

“It’s really not nearly as big as yours, but she just constantly tells me that she’s disappointed in me and that I can’t do this. She tells me that I’m going to get hurt, and that I’m not qualified to be here. And worst of all, she tells me that everyone I’m with here is just a bad influence,” Kate explained, her voice gentle as she recounted the many things that her mother had told her over time. Carol eyed her patiently and wordlessly as she soaked in the words. She could see Kate trying to get her thoughts together to keep going.

“I honestly don’t know why she hasn’t disowned me yet… But I guess it’s because she does love me deep down. She just… Doesn’t love who I am,” Kate stated, and Carol nodded, understanding the sentiment.

For a long time in her own life, she had comforted herself by saying that her father really did love her. However, as Carol had aged, she knew that her father did not love her truly. At least in Kate’s situation, Carol was pretty sure that her mother did love her, and that was a step up from where Carol had been during her life.

“I’m sorry. I’m whining about this, and I know that it’s not nearly as bad as yours,” Kate apologized, and Carol shook her head.

“Kate, I asked. And yours is bad. Don’t feel like you have to compare or something. It’s not a contest, kid,” Carol declared, and Kate huffed a little. Carol smiled a little more widely, noting her opportunity to cheer Kate up some.

“Like for real, we’re really going to have the Wheel of Traumatic Childhood Misfortunes today?” Carol joked, grinning as she made her joke, and Kate laughed a little more. Carol reached out to her, squeezing her arm.

“But seriously. I get it. I get how it feels, and I get it about a parent not loving you for who you are,” Carol explained, and Kate swallowed, eyeing her carefully as she listened to her.

“I guess… I guess what you do in that situation is that you rest assured in the fact that you know you’re doing the right thing, and you surround yourself with people that do love you for who you are. And if that amazing person that you are is a super awesome Avenger-in-training that’s got a huge, selfless heart and mad skills, then, well,” Carol trailed off, growing quiet for just a moment as she considered what to say next.

“I think it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks,” Carol explained to her, her voice low as she addressed the words specially for Kate. Kate nodded, looking at her in surprise as she listened to the wisdom in the statement.

Kate offered her a short onceover, and to Carol’s surprise, she scooted just a little closer. Carol remained still as she looked at her quizzically.

“Umm… Do you mind if I hug you?” Kate asked tentatively. Carol just chuckled, looking at her with a half-scolding raise of her eyebrow.

“Kate Bishop. You don’t have to ask,” Carol told her, opening her arms as she hugged the girl tightly and warmly. Kate moved into her, hugging her in return, and Carol smiled happily.

“Thank you,” Kate whispered to her carefully, and Carol rolled her eyes affectionately.

“No problem, kid.”

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