#queer advice

[thegirlmirage]

I don't care how you do it but get yourself out to as many queer events as you possibly can, they don't even need to be good, you might find some of them don't work for you or at all but I'm so deadly serious you need to be around Queers to live.

Travel across country if that's what it takes, you need that community, it can't just be online I'm really sorry I know it's important and often a first step for people but it will never replace physically being around your Queers

#queer advice #transgender #queer solidarity #queer community

[charliespringsleftconverse]

Listen. I know there is a lot of anger and frustration and rightfully so. But I’d like to remind y’all that coming out is a moment that carries a lot of emotion. He must be going through so much, and wether you’ve come out or not I know that you know what he must be feeling. So, if you do one thing today, please send Kit Connor some love. <333

#heartstopper #heartstopper netflix #nick nelson #charlie spring #nick and charlie #alice oseman #lgbt #lesbian #gay #bisexual #trans #queer #lgbt shows #kit connor #queer show #queer advice #queer love #queer representation #lgbtq+ community #lgbt show #lgbtq+ #lgbtq+ characters #lgbt+ #lgbtq books #lgbtq+ allies #lgbtq ally #lgbt ally #lgbtq community #queer community #sending you all my love

[itgetsbetterproject]

Advice for LGBTQ+ students going back to school this year:

We asked our community what advice they would give LGBTQ+ students going back to school this fall and they ANSWERED and now we are cryinggg:

🍎 Nothing gets better in a vacuum. It gets better because of the experience you gain, the relationships you build, and the tireless effort of people you may never come to know. Why? Because you are worth it, sweetheart. We will love you with profound depth until and after you begin to love yourself. - Nick

✏️ Identify your safe people. I had a “safe person-safe place” sign on my school bus. Any student could approach me at anytime for any need and I’d have their back. This was especially true for my LGBTQ+ riders. I like to think I set the tone of inclusion for all my kids to follow. Once I declared the bus a safe space with no room for intolerance, the kids all felt free to be themselves. And they were all beautiful, wonderful people! -Lisa

🏳️‍🌈 I had someone in high school that NEVER talked to or associated with me. We ran into each other at a party a few weeks ago. I got hugged. I also got invited, with my husband of 22 years, to a party this weekend. It DOES get better. People grow up, learn things, and change. -Michael

🏳️‍⚧️ Just because it’s safe for some people to be “visibly out” doesn’t mean you HAVE to be. Do what makes YOU feel comfortable and SAFE. Being out and proud and loud is great, but you can still be proud without being obvious if that’s what you need to do. There’s not just one way to be, it doesn’t make you any less valid - Kaitlin

🍎 It is entirely up to you where and when and how to be out or not be out.

Find your people - other queer & trans kids, allies, teachers, school staff & love each other fiercely

Find those who will speak for you when you can’t speak up for yourself.

Find safe spaces & people outside of school, find spaces and people that allow you to be you.

Know that you have a whole community of queer and trans and non- binary folks cheering for you, supporting you & loving you. When no one else is, imagine us surrounding you. - Heather

✏️ Be bold, be brave, be unapologetically you. Embrace your authentic self, radiate your truth, and let the world witness the beauty of your existence. - Daniel

🏳️‍🌈 School is only one part of life - a relatively small and short part. Even if it feels enormous and all-consuming now. Make the most of it if you can. Just wait it out if you need to. It does not last forever. - Sera

🏳️‍⚧️ Remember that you are equal to every person. No one is superior to you. And, this segment of your life is far from permanent. Try to enjoy it, but realize that it will remain in the past as you advance into the future. You are in school for the primary reason of learning. Be a glutton for this learning, because what you learn is truly among the things that cannot be taken or stolen from you. Don't give up on your dreams, no matter how farfetched they may seem. I thought my dreams were lofty when I was in school. But I found that I had never aimed higher than I could easily go. There is a vast world of people who already love you, and I am surely one of them. - Marc

#it gets better #back to school #lgbtqia #lgbtq advice #queer advice #trans advice #lgbtq youth #queer youth #trans youth #middle school #high school #gsa #gsa club

[wasteofart]

Ok but can you be ace/aro if you're yearing for things like romance and closeness and a relationship and all that? Serious question here.

I've been questioning myself for ages and while I never experienced any attraction to a real person I still long for what I see in movies or read in books to the point where I have a physical tightness in my chest.

Is my brain just not producing the right chemicals for me to fall in love? Is my trauma holding me back from forming any meaningful bond? Have my past experiences lead me to feel repulsed by the idea? Am I experiencing attraction but never realized it? Or am I simply ace/aro and my internalized gender/relationship thinking makes me want what is considered normal?

Please, if anyone has answers hit me up because I've been overthinking for years now

#Ace #Aro #asexual #aromantic #ace aro #Pride #Help #Advice #queer advice #Gay advice #Gay help #Queer help

[qprconcepts]

How does this queerplatonic thing work, does a queer relationship with aromantic type involve kisses or something else?

i am aroace

First, Sorry I am so late to this!!!!

Second, Queer platonic relationships are relationships that two people enter that do not conform or constitute an entirely romantic or platonic relationship.

queer platonic relationships have and always will be defined by the people in the relationship like every other type of relationship. Only you and your partners can define what you will and will not do in your relationship. Some queerplatonics kiss, while others do not. It depends on you and your partner(s). For some reference me and my queerplatonic partners do not kiss, it’s what we’re comfortable with.

below are some resources that might be worth checking out!!!

!!!!

????

….

I also encourage any other aromantic/asexual spec people to leave any advice they have <3

#qpr positivity #qpr pride #qpp positivity #qpr #qpr concepts #queer platonic partner #queer platonic relationship #queerplatonic #lgbtq #qpp #qpp advice #queer advice #queerplatonic advice

[sapphicslut777]

i’m having top surgery in 2.5 months!! if anybody has any advice or lists of things i need, i would super duper appreciate it <3 i’m starting to collect tools and prepare my spaces :3 i have quite a sensitive/immunocompromised body, so if anyone has had top surgery with a similar situation, i would love to hear about your experiences! :))

#top surgery #pre-op #masculinizing top surgery #agender #it/its #all of my gender #trans advice #queer advice #nonbinary #androgynous #no gender #top surgery advice

[mogai-sunflowers]

I’m lowkey confused and scared rn. For the past four years I’ve IDed as nonbinary/agender in some sense, but now I’ve slowly started to reconnect with my AGAB and now I don’t know if I am anymore. I’m really worried that if I end up being cis that what I’ve experienced and explored will amount to nothing, and I’d have wasted four years of my life for nothing. What do I do?

i'm so sorry for the late response, but i want you to think about a hypothetical for a minute.

so there's this person. they think they have it figured out what they want to do with their life- they want to be a scientist. so they go to college for science, major in science, and for a few years, that's what they do.

but slowly, the field of science opened them up to new possibilities. through science, they started to like art, and realized they would rather spend their life painting and drawing, so they leave the world of science to start a career in art.

and they spend a few years painting, and it's wonderful. but after awhile, they start to wish that the things they were painting could be more real and brought to life, so they think "maybe i should start directing movies, because that's a way to bring art to life more and give it an active story" so they start to pursue that instead of painting!

they are three things- a scientist, a painter, and a director, because people/beings are not one dimensional. change does not cancel itself out. in fact, change relies just as much on what you were before because without it, there would be no beginning to a transformation, nothing to look back on after you've changed a lot.

you spent years feeling one way, and that feeling is shifting. but change is ALWAYS a balance between who you were and who you're becoming. without the way you identified before, you would not have the unique view on your own gender and identity that is allowing you to currently explore potentially new aspects of it. just like that director/artist/scientist would not have discovered the joy of directing without the joy of art, or the joy of art without science.

life is not linear. who you were is in the past, but the past guides us in the present and the future. you can't change the past, but that doesn't mean it's static- it is always a part of you. it is the reason you are who you are. change is hard, but your identity is GOING to shift and grow along with you. your experience of who you used to more strongly be, is still part of you, because the past is just as much a part of you as the here and now, and as the future you will know. i know this is very philosophical, but it's true. without the past there would be no present or future.

so if you do end up connecting more with being cis, then that is awesome. the point of discovery isn't to always find something new- sometimes you just discover something that was always there, but you've just recently gained the insight to explore more. "cis" is not a synonym for "has a completely normal and standard and non-personal experience with gender". gender is personal. i am a cis girl, and i identify with both nonbinary and trans communities because of my unique experience with gender. my gender experience as an autigender butch-femme girl is not any less real just because i'm cis. anon, you and your journey are wonderful. the past speaks within you- you do not have to judge it for not being completely correct about itself, you just have to listen to how it's helping you move forward. much love anon, you are glorious.

#🌌written in the stars ; asks🌌 #queer advice

[miloway]

Just read the lesbian masterdoc out of curiosity, and I realise how much being arospec kinda muddles everything.

Cuz, I don't really feel romantic feelings, have 1 sexual experience and that was with a fem presenting nonbinary person, and we both had no idea what we were doing.

I have been in a online relationship with a guy, but we broke up cuz 1. he was an asshole, 2. I figured out I was arospec (now I'm questioning if it was just cuz he was a guy, but then again I don't really feel romantic feelings with women either)

So I've come to the conclusion that I need to kiss a guy and if I feel something, I'm not lesbian, but if I don't feel anything, I am lesbian.

But the question is how the hell am I supposed to do that when I'm awkward as hell, and like only 2 people in my entire life time have hit on me (irl), one being the said person earlier, the other being a science museums cafeteria worker literally 4 hours after my grandpa died 💀 (I am not joking, I couldn't even see what she looked like cuz I wasn't wearing glasses cuz of all the crying)

So I sorta feel like I'm in a stalemate with myself, how the hell am I supposed to combat this, do I just wait until something happens? I'm the mean time I'm just gonna identify as queer cuz I don't have the time or energy to go looking for answers rn,

that being said advice would be greatly appreciated

#queer advice #questioning #sexuality #lesbian #aromantism #aromantic #queer #lesbian masterdoc #pls help #lgbtqia #nonbinary #milo mango time :>

[kota-bee]

I genuinely need advice. How did you guys realize or discover you were asexual? I’ve had sex before because I found my then partner attractive but it was just… flat for me. My partner enjoyed it and I enjoyed seeing her feeling good but when it was my turn I just couldn’t get there.

I’m so lost because I find people attractive and think “I’d like to see them in intimate situations” but it’s never “I’d like it to be reciprocal” it’s “I’d like to make them feel good and it can end there”. What even is that? Is there a word for that or am I just weird and broken? Have I not found the right partner? Am I just unable to get there? I just need to know I’m not alone in this I guess.

#asexuel #queer advice #need help #lgbt+ #lgbtq community #acespec #i’m just confused #vent

[starz4valen]

queers im fucking lost come save me

ok but in all seriousness,

despite labeling myself as aroace for a hot minute and finding comfort in that label and the community for a time—shit doesnt feel quite right anymore.

i have had ONE EX. one.

i genuinely think i was in love with him. i only felt what i felt with him,,,WITH HIM. nobody else. I felt the butterflies/giddiness, i loved his laugh, his smile, hearing him, his jokes, all the names he would call me, how much he said he loved me, our late night discord calls, having him around, just. him. when he rarely spoke abt shit that was bothering him it hurt me so bad, like i would hurt with him. and the mere THOUGHT of ME hurting him made me wanna sob.

as you can probably guess by the fact we’re exes, we’re not together anymore. it hurts. hell, my stomach tangled a bit as i typed that out. (could be cause recently someone who used to be a friend went and dated him and then got upset at me for getting upset at them but this ain't abt them.)

we broke up in like june last year, and i felt so fucking horrible about it bc it basically ended w him yelling at me over text at how horrible i am at listening and how i treated him more like a therapist—which i will admit i did. i sucked for that. it makes sense why tho, i was working through a lot of shit at the time, doesn’t justify it at all though. i should’ve treated him better. im desperately trying to fix it in my current relationships so that never happens again.

then again, he also treated me badly. he said things that really fucked with my sense of trust in people and just made me scared to get close with anyone like that ever again, or in general bc i was convinced everyone had some ulterior motive w me or secretly didnt give a shit abt me—but also i felt *I* was the problem. like every relationship im in is gonna end horribly bc im just that bad. its taken a lot to say that i feel loved by and trust my current friends, as well as trying to recognize that I deserve love, and im glad i can say that im getting better ^^

but,,,idk anymore

i concluded i was aroace almost a year after we broke up. there were a couple reasons. for one, i only really got that close w him. i dont really know if ive had a crush or what that feels like—in fact i think i faked one in elementary, the whole reason i got w my ex was bc he was flirting w me and it made me feel nice. (also bc i was worried he would be my only shot at love but i digress) i feel off when people talk about heading to poundtown or anything like that, the same with crushes—just crushes tho relationships i totally get—and i still struggle to wrap my head around attraction and how people just can look at someone without even knowing them at ALL and go “you. i want you.”

i wrote off how i felt when i was with him as simply some non-romantic form of attraction and called it a day.

but recently ive been reflecting on that, and i think i was wrong. the way that even now i get all these emotions by merely talking abt my ex says something. how upset seeing that "friend" going ahead and dating him after barely knowing him and just how angry i was says something. the way i cried seeing my best friend get a whole small crate of presents from their partner for their bday bc i was THAT JEALOUS says something. the way i yearn for affection and to be loved again says something. the way im starting to miss being in love again says something. the way i would always want some sort of relationship—even when i identified as aroace—but just never thought it would happen bc i didn't feel pretty enough, or mentally well enough, deserving of one, or like id ever be lucky enough to find someone who makes me feel that way again and how scared and sad that makes me,,,says something.

now in terms of poundtown—legit dunno. closest to that I've done w anyone was neck kisses from my ex, which i did really enjoy—but also i legit identified as ace like the whole time we were together and the few times he made jokes like that i felt uncomfy. plus the only way i feel i could be ok w going further w something like that is if its either excessively gentle or the most unserious thing ever. so tbh if i had to take a guess on how i feel abt that—not too keen on it.

I'm debating a couple labels, bi, aroace, bi and ace, demirose, and demirose and bi, but tbh i feel bi kinda fits the most? (maybe???) but also it doesn't. idk if its the fear of opening my mind to me being in a relationship despite my fear of intimacy and commitment or just that I'm aroace and this is my brain telling me to stop overthinking shit—but i know i wanna figure this shit out

if anyone has like legit any words of advice PLEASE send it my way. i will take even the tiniest crumb of guidance cause i am more lost than a child in ikea.

thanks to anyone who read all this <3

#queer #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #queer community #in need of advice #queer advice #aroace #aromantic #asexual #bisexual #questioning #help. me. #utterly confused 💥

[bisexualpositivity]

I'm a teen, and I've only had crushes on guys before but recently I think I might have started crushing a little on my online friend, who is a trans girl. I'm sort of panicking about all this, the feelings as well as the real tangible possibility that I'm bi. I'm also worried I possibly, subconsciously see her as a guy, and that that's why I'm crushing on her. do online crushes even count? it's so confusing for me right now

Hey--I want to reassure you that you're not the only one wrestling with these thoughts, feelings and questions. One of the more wholesome stories on reddit tackles a similar issue, I'll link it here for you to read.

As someone who's genderqueer and on the aroace spectrum, I think I'm pretty qualified to say that attraction can be murky sometimes. I've met people who are initially attracted to a stranger, and then lose some or all of that attraction when they find out said stranger isn't one of the genders they'd be interested in dating. I've talked with people who thought they were 100% attracted to only one gender and then met someone of a different gender who completely changed the way they view their orientation. Hell, I know people whose preferences transcend labels entirely.

I also want to point out that there's a difference between finding traits we associate with masculinity (muscles, facial hair, lower pitched voices, etc.) or femininity (curves, long hair, higher pitched voices, etc.) attractive VS finding men or women attractive. A straight man might find himself admiring the elegance of the way a masculine-presenting individual walks, a straight woman might find a butch lesbian's biceps extremely attractive, vice versa for anyone of any sexuality that is more likely to exclude one or more genders. That doesn't invalidate the way they personally identify.

What I'm trying to say is, navigating the world of online crushes as a teen is difficult enough without the added pressure put on questioning people AND a young cis ally's concerns about navigating the transphobia and cissexism they've internalized.

While it's possible that some part of you does think of your friend as a guy, it's clear to me from your language that you're making a conscious effort to respect her identity and encourage others to do the same, and honestly? That matters more than any subconscious biases you might have.

So let me give you a reminder to help stave off those mean little wormy thoughts: you're not hurting anyone by trying to untangle your own identity--and any stereotypes you've been taught about "what makes someone a man/woman"--up in your head, or by reaching out for help and advice.

(I hope this doesn't sound condescending, but I'm genuinely proud of you for putting yourself out there and actively doing the work to make sure you're being kind to others. Please feel free to drop an ask in our inbox anytime 💜)

#questioning advice #trans advice #bisexuality #queer advice #questioning bisexual #transgender advice #asks #anons #mod jinx 🔮

[heretherebedork]

Why Uncle Man is the Best Character Ever

He gives advice to his sister.

And good sass.

And very good advice to his nephew.

The sheer empathy of this is amazing. @absolutebl this is why we need more older queer characters in mentor roles, seriously.

#21 days theory #rookie thailand #thai bl #thai drama #thai series #bl series #asianlgbtqdramas #asian lgbtq dramas #thaibl #bl drama #xq #uncle man #queer advice #queer mentor character #please give us more

[eatingrosescollab]

I wish there was an AITA but with like leftist queer people only. I need advice but only from people that understand “unconventional” relationships and that ethical polyamory isn’t cheating bc that’s not the part I need help with.

#polyamory #polyamarous #aita #queer advice

[queer-queries]

Do you have any advice on coming out to your friends as a bi lesbian when you have no clue if theyre exclus or not? I am TERRIFIED to come out to them and I have no clue how to ask them how they feel so now I’m just afraid they’re gonna drop me over my identity..

hi friend! my general coming out advice is to test the waters- if these friends are online friends or friends who are up to date on intracommunity discourse like that, then you can ask them what they think on neutral ground, meaning don't make it seem like you're looking for them to say yes or no, just ask. one way you could do that was by saying you heard some discourse about it and are confused and wanted to ask if they knew how to explain it and what their thoughts were.

but if these friends don't know about online discourse like this and generally aren't in the online queer world that much, then there's a pretty darn solid chance that they won't care. i completely understand where you're coming from because i've struggled with the exact same thing, but i've come out as a bi lesbian to lots of irl queers who don't know about online discourse, and every single one of them has been extremely accepting and said something along the lines of "it's your identity, not mine, no one else can tell you who to be". because the reality is that the whole mindset of "valid vs. invalid" is extremely online as a mindset. for the most part, some random queer person who doesn't know shit about random online queer discourse, isn't primed to think in a binary of valid vs. invalid because that's not actually a normal way of thinking, so they're not used to it- it's just what a lot of online queers have sadly become used to.

so if they are online and know discourse stuff, then test the waters first. but if they aren't, i would just tell them that you've struggled a lot with your identity and say something like "i identify as both bi and a lesbian because it makes the most sense to me" and if they ask respectful questions, then you can do your best to answer them, but they will much more likely just be like "oh cool" because they're not used to thinking of other queer people like they're all potential enemies trying to use labels just to hurt them.

i wish you much luck anon, if you go through with it then feel free to let me know how it goes!

#reign replies #queer advice #queer community #queer blog #bi #bi lesbian #lesbian

[interdimensionalmenace]

does anyone have any advice for choosing a new name? I’ve been iffy on my birth name for years and have been considering going by something else—“Aster” is my online moniker partly because of that, and partly because of a theme with my old persona, but I’m not sure it’s “me” yk?

I’m up for anything: advice about how to go about telling others your new name, name generators and websites you’d recommend for this purpose, anything. I’m not set on changing anything right now, but I’d like to explore a little and to hear about other people’s experiences and advice

#nonbinary #they/she #they/them #name change #queer advice #gender exploration