#or do I give ppl ptsd flashbacks… | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ravenirene · 2 years

Text

Rating different sapphic ships for marvel women cause I'm bored. Some ships are mcu based most are comic based

First up Black Widow/Natasha Romanoff

1. Sharon carter - Widow13/Natsharon

9/10

they're adorable, friends to lovers. I love the way they are always complementing each other like sharons saying "but her speed still impress me" or mcu nat in tws saying she was nice, honestly mcu nat seemed more into sharon than mcu steve. Also they got 7th for a comic sapphic ship poll w over 6000 votes, so true of them

2. Bobbi Morse -bobbinat/mockingwidow

10/10

stealing clints wife, literally. There's panels of nat calling bobbi darling. They actually kissed in canon but it was just so nat could give bobbi medicine since she was under influence. After Bobbi gained control of herself again she told bucky to tell nat and I quote from bucky himself "she said to call her if you were still "curious", and clint got all defensive." Anyways they need to kiss again but for real this time.

3. Jessica drew - jessnat

7/10

Caroljess is my #1 but this is also cute. Spider x spider. They had rlly cute moments in secret avengers and avengers assemble(2013). Including this one where nat says jess is her soulmate and those panels of where they get a massage together. In one spiderwoman comic where jess was pregnant they almost had a movie night together until someone interrupts

4. Marina

6/10

Marina is natasha childhood best friend. They met in the red room and sometimes they escaped to watch ballerinas dance. When they got older(1960s?) they had a mission together but the handlers thought Marina was going to deflect from the red room so after the mission they had Natasha put k!ll Marina, nat almost doesn't do it but in the end...anyways they were adorable up until the end. Marina should be referenced again cause the only comic w her is Black Widow 2014

5. Maria hill - blackhill/marianat

9/10

Enemies to lovers to Enemies to lovers to Enemies to...Invincible iron man has major blackhill angst I swear ("but maria hooked up w tony in it" no) their relationship is confusing lowkey one minute they're protective of each other next minute they're bullying one another. But either way Invincible iron man and Black widow 2014 made some big blackhill points. Maria turning to nat cause she was the only one she could trust. Nat comforting maria when she had ptsd flashbacks. Maria saying that nat is the only one she can trust. Taskmaster 2021 where maria faked her death without telling anyone and the blame was put on taskmaster so u have natasha going after him to avenge her. U see taskmaster dialog "bullseye thinks that if u kill the heros girlfriend, their wife or partner or whatever, then you've got an edge on them. But all that does is get them.to come after you harder than ever. I've adopted a 'no wives, no girlfriends, no mothers' policy. Not just because it's gross. Though it is. No, it's because these heros, these guys...it always seems that all they are waiting for is one dead woman to motivate them" what's a hetero explanation for that?!? Nat is literally chasing this man down all throughout the comic and taskmaster is scared sh!t less, the only reason she doesn't kill him is because right before she does maria reveals herself to nat that she's alive. I only put it as 9/10 cause I'm not the biggest on Enemies to lovers plus there was those times where maria does make nat sheilds biggest enemy...

6. Elektra

6/10

They definitely hate f*cked once u can't convince me otherwise. Hate the whole "fighting over matt" thing though

7. Carol danvers - carolnat

5/10

I perfer them as friends but they do have some nice moments.

8. Janet van dyne(not hope)

5/10

I also perfer them as friends(not that ive rlly seen a lot of ppl ship them). They have a cute friendship in black widow and marvel girls

9. Wanda maximoff- wandanat

??/10

They have a total of 5 interactions mcu and comics combined. I see the vision but at the same time they both have better ships

10. Peggy carter - Peggynat

2/10

I see where you're coming from w the what if but I can't stand peggy for whatever reason. Like I won't go online and comment hate on her but I just choose to ignore her. If u ship tho go ahead tho it's legal and not toxic

I think I've covered all of natashas sapphic ships, or at least all the bigger ones. Some.of these probably sound rlly confusing...I'll probably do captain marvel or she hulk next

98 notes · View notes

magnoliamyrrh · 10 months

Note

Is it possible for childhood sa memories to never consciously resurface and the victim spend their entire life unaware of what happened to them?

...... i dont see why not really. i dont know how common that is, but id place my money on it happening at least to some

i mean, there's plenty of cases of people figuring out/theyre told they have trauma-based disorders such as DID in their 50s,60s,70s etc - so, most ot their life they remembered only small or certain parts of trauma compared to the full scope, or perhaps not much of it at all; they may spend most of their lives with entire gaps of years in their childhood memory without knowing... and the DID will protect the most active or "host" part of them from the worst ptsd symptoms for some time. i dont see why its not theoretically possible for someone to take this to the grave never knowing really. i have also heard of cases of peoples trauma of csa not coming to them until their abusers are dead and they know theyre dead, and thus the brain finally feels safe (especially heard this in the case of family members) - so, this may come when they are in their 40s, 50s, or older. its actually rather common from what i know for people to become aware or to accept these sort of traumas later on in life

...... id say tho, DID&OSDD are particular cases in extreme and repeated early childhood trauma induced disorders which create more of a.... level of protection than many have against the trauma (for some parts, while other parts carry the burden). but even without the development of such disorders its rather common for the brain to shut down/repress memories like that, and for the brain to "give them back" later on during teens, early adulthood, or adulthood depending on the individual - either because something has triggered the individual and memory, or because the brain finally feels safe enough to start breaking down those barriers...... i think in Many cases (idk if most but.. maybe most) the brains barriers start breaking down at some point, but perhaps in some cases they do not - perhaps if the individual never feels safe enough for this to happen, or doesnt encounter a particular trigger?

..... it may be the case as well that someone will experience symptoms which stem from csa, or maybe even forms of flashbacks, and that they will have behaviors infleunced by said trauma, but be unable to accept it their entire lives. they may simply keep repressing them and being unwilling to even entertain the idea that anything like that ever happened - in this case maybe there will be a tiny part of them which knows and understands, but for the most part its never processed or accepted. they will just keep building those walls up and pushing it further down - perhaps some can do this their whole lives. they may have intense nightmares or flashbacks, and obvious symptops, but still deny it completely. im sure this sort of thing can be taken to the grave too

...... id also say, this might be the case if were talking about.... earrrrllly earllly csa. i guess im a particular outlier(?) maybe for remembering things, not just trauma, from when i was two years old (i reckon the dissociation has something to do with it too). but many people do not remember much at all, good or bad, from before they were 3-4 years old..... this doesnt mean that csa at those ages wont have lasting impacts and lead to things - some part of the body and mind and subconscious remembers and reacts nontheless - but that it may be harder or perhaps in some cases impossible, to remember details or to make sense of certain symptoms one may be having... (a particularly horrible parallel example of this - of very early intense trauma at least, would be that babies used to get... fucking surgery without anesthesia. horrible. these ppl as adults cant remember this, but theyre still scarred for life and have many many issues. another would be that infant neglect and feeling uncared for, scared, alone for too long as an infant or young toddler is something most may not ever remember, but it still often has consequences).......... maybe my brain in particular is weird af bc osdd&did... and because of psychadelics... and meditation..... ill just say. personally.. i dont think any of us truly, truly ever "forget" anything from the time we are born....not really. somewhere its still there ....... though i would say generally, it is uncommon, maybe very uncommon, for ppl to fully remember much of csa or trauma at those ages. perhaps in these cases it is more likely for someone to go their whole life never really having an idea of what happened to them or why they may have certain issues

,,,,,,, idk. all in all id say, i do think its possible. weather its someones brain never cracking more than just a bit, or repression on top of repression, or taking a dissociative disorder like DID to the grave and having a v exteme case,,, i reckon theres still symptoms in one form or another and infleunces, and it likely come out in dreams and nightmares in some form or another... but i do reckon its possible there have and are individuals who go through life until the end never really knowing or processing it beyond a repressed and subconscious level..... how common that is tho? i really have no idea

4 notes · View notes

msookyspooky · 1 year

Note

Chapter 22 had me on the EDGE of my freaking seat. The only one I was right about was Neil, I was 100% positive it was him. I was positive it would only be one or 2 killers, but I did contemplate 3 of them existing. I just thought it was more likely that there was one or two lollll Roman and Angelina being involved surprised me, Roman and Randy were my only other serious suspects, but I was pretty positive Randy wasn't involved and I'm so glad I was right 😭😭 I only suspected Angelina for 5 seconds and then forgot about her.

OFC Billy chokes me out and nearly breaks my wrist for DARING to question his authority 🙄 I HATE THEM BRO. These two tried to get us to help kill Randy and then have the audacity to act like the victim.... GOOD GRIEF. Billy def gave us James PTSD flashbacks. I was gasping for air, my feet barely on the floor, and Stu's just like 🧍‍♂️ I fed you, let you sleep in my house, didn't shoot you, and THIS is the thanks I get? I hope Mark shoots ya'll-speaking of Mark, he really does care. I hope Billy and Stu saw Mark sacrifice himself for us bc THATS THE KIND OF MAN WE DESERVE 🙃 when Mark leaned down last chapter I was like 'Mark, baby, lean down a little more so we can get this party started' 😏

Ngl I'm still paranoid Randy is Neil's partner. I feel like maybe we're not outta the woods yet...I have multiple predictions for next chapter. 1. Randy 100% is dying. Manz is past his expiration date. Remember how in Sequels Suck Ray told Y/n that he would "make the nerd the hero for once?" If Randy really loves us as his bestie, then he 100% would be willing to die to protect us. Randy doesn't wanna be the nerd, he wants to be the main man for once 🥺🥺 he regrets not being able to protect us already. 2. Mark 100% dies. He just knows too much, and he has a HUGE target on his back. I really can't see him getting out of this. Still wanna go on a date tho 🥺 3. Dewey LIVES. If Ray dies, Y/n still needs someone normal in her life. 4. Gale I'm kind of conflicted on. She has Stu's file, so she has a target on her back, but she's also like a roach in a suit 🤣 I feel like it's too early to kill her off. It would make sense for her to never give up trying to find out if Billy and Stu are alive...so I'm gonna go with she lives. If Randy and Mark actually die, then I'm 100% positive she'll survive.

THANK YOU!! Yep, Neil was ALWAYS going to be a Ghostface the second I decided in Set Up to have an open ending with the Sherrif telling us "Two dead teenage girls and three bodies unfound." Congrats on guessing Neil!! I had so many guesses in my ask even Cherri was lookin sus at one point ☠️

Roman was decided halfway through and Angelina was last minute...Like...That chapter lmfao bc the more I rewatched 3 the more she was so obviously meant to be a killer! Even her death scene was vague! But I left it open to interpretation if her and Roman were just partners or lovers

And ikr? I mean, I guess these are the same guys that killed their smokin hot girlfriends and Billy's reason was bc of what Sidney's MOM DID and Stu helped off Tatum cause...He was Bored??? Like, they are as apathetic and ungrateful as it gets. Fuck everything we've sacrificed for them bc their thoughts and feelings come first 🙄😒 All they know is they're sleep deprived (Like we aren't, fuckfaces?!) and they're stressed out they'll go to jail (Again...Us too) and they have obvious mental issues out the gate and that we betrayed them again. We triggered them something awful when we 'turned against them' when they were starting to trust us and we fought back. LIKE WE HAD A CHOICE. But, in their fucked up minds, they come before anyone else + the more ppl they eliminate from Woodsboro that could be the killers; the better their chances of escape are w/o being caught by police. And then when we went to police (AGAIN...WHAT FUCKING CHOICE DO WE HAVE HERE?) that was like the ULTIMATE betrayal. They are so hard to write sometimes bc I would love for them to be normal guys in love instead of whatever the fuck we got but they are not~

I ship us with Mark and just like Ray last story it low key hurts that polyghostface is end game. Mark would treat us so right he actually feels like a perfect choice unlike Derek or hell maybe even Ray...Like, it pains me so. 🥲

I can't say anything more but Gale being as invincible as a 🪳 in a suit made me giggle 🤭🤣

#terrible trilogy spoilers

7 notes · View notes

bouncehousemortgage · 2 months

Text

This is also an issue I have with some fanfic. Like, I'll read something about Kakashi and the writer emphasizes how traumatized he is, but they make his trauma turn him into a crying, quivering soft-boy??? Like oh he's got PTSD but all it does is give him scary flashbacks and nightmares? No no no no. This man nearly breaks a child's arm for no other reason than that he thinks the kid hasn't experienced enough pain. Sure, have the flashbacks and nightmares, but also, like, if you're going to take the trauma route, then let it make him a worse person! He was a child soldier and then became disturbingly violent after his friends died, y'all this was like... The Thing about his ANBU arc!

I don't like this nonsense UwU mental illness thing that's so popular in fanfic. Like, NO! Idc about this whole, like, mentally ill ppl aren't violent and they're more likely to be victims than perpetrators, sure sure sure, but that doesn't make you a helpless victim in every case. You still end up hurting people, even if you're not physically violent. Make them lash out at people, say awful things, do bad things, hurt their friends, etc.. And especially with Naruto fanfic, no UwU soft mentally ill people!!! Cops and military people are NOTORIOUS for interpersonal and domestic violence. You think these child soldiers are going to be soft victims who are never abusive, never freak out and hurt somebody??? My fanfic version of Kakashi is terrifying, and it's, like, an important part of the story that their society is violent and that that kind of trauma is normalized AND he's pretty unaccountable. I thought it would be an interesting premise to take this all seriously and consider, like, they have loads of traumatized career-murderers walking around completely untreated, no therapy or anything, and these people are valorized and pretty unaccountable. Like, if you had a respected war-hero ninja who beats his wife.... what happens? Are they going to intervene? And we know all the answers to these questions because this happens irl all the time. Again, cops and vets are notorious for domestic violence, and if you have or someone you're close to has grown up in a war zone, then, like, you know that it's not all softy UwU trauma that just makes you cry or whatever. Like, living with that fear makes you behave irrationally and sometimes be really harmful to others.

0 notes

e-enbyanon · 3 months

Note

Do you think Bloodbath Bakery is well written?

Honestly it depends. So far the comic makes senses and is well done from Falink’s perspective, has he struggles to stay on task, and focus do to what looks like pretty bad C-PTSD (or just regular PTSD but his trauma seems to stem from a series of traumatic events so it’s likely C-PTSD) When we get to Morioh/ Mr. Noname’s perspective his thoughts don’t have any visuals outside of reality, so it implies that that amount of monologue and reflection is likely Falink exclusive, maybe even BBB employees exclusive. (But I don’t have enough info to completely know, so)

As for the things that I’ve been from the animations and comments there’s some good elements if handled correctly. For example the fact that Melm hates Yami and Falink, but still works at the bakery. She likely has to work there because she pays Yami rent, and Yami likely has dirt on her. (Also because she might be friends with Susie, at least friendly acquaintances.) I’d imagine Yami has dirt on everyone who works there because no one (willingly) likes him.

But Yami isn’t a one dimensional villain seemingly. He has really bad childhood trauma from bullies. I’m also guessing that his parents weren’t super great either considering he killed them. If he were in a good home situation then he would’ve had comfort, attachment, and love, away from the bullying, and wouldn’t have a reason to kill them. I know Akira was attached to them because he was upset when they died, so it’s either them were playing favorites or Akira having that thing where the child really wants to love their parents, and be attached to them, but still isn’t treated well by them.

One of the animations (idk remember the name but the one where the BBB employees go to jail) Yami might have a lesser version of C-PTSD because of that small flashback to being made fun of as a kid, and the severity of the trauma might’ve made him s sociopath. (maybe, we haven’t seen Yami’s mental state in the comic all too well) but I do see a window of where it could be problematic for Yami to be the villain because of the demonization of psychopaths and sociopaths in media and irl. (If he is one. Hell, maybe it’s a mixture of different mental issues, i.e. low empathy ASD, maybe, BPD and such. Hopefully it’ll be told that he chose to not get help and embraced his sadism by will if he is any of these things.)

As to why Yami was bullied, he’s gay, short, and has pink hair, need I say more?

Things with Susie are a little more vague. The only thing I’ve heard is that she was burned really badly, and covers up because of it. Now I might be stretching a little, but one of Stain’s insta posts includes Susie likely tearing someone apart, idk if it’s in the story or where, but it might allude to her having a mental break. That might be why she’s involved too instead of just Falink. Falink refers to himself and a murderer, so he’s probably killed someone. Melm pushed her father out the window of the apartment building. So there’s a pattern.

As for Morioh/ Noname, I see that, like Yami, he has a bad relationship with his family/ his family is dead. This can be a good way for Morioh to bond with Yami. It can also let the viewers get glimpses into Yami’s past in an indirect way at first. His scars can also be tied in to his family dynamics, or a deferent event, either way Yami is too much of a simp to not be interested in Morioh’s story behind those. I can also see that it could also be problematic for the outwardly gay ppl to have bad relationships with their family, but it’s unfortunately true that many queer folk don’t have good relationships in that area, myself included.

Asylum… idk what’s up with that church himbo, but he gives me golden retriever energy tbh lololol (also apparently he’s 45 or something? With Stain’s art style I really can’t tell ppl’s ages, but then again there’s magic shit going on so who’ knows, Asylum could probably de-age himself or something.)

Ichigo idk either because his stuff is even more vague than Susie, and he’s not the most popular character so I don’t see him mentioned a lot in the comments.

I’m willing to be corrected on details if it’s incorrect or wrong, but thanks for the ask! Sorry if there’s spelling errors, bad grammar, missing words, or something, I’m dyslexic lmao. BBB is promising, and I’m hoping that Stain does the writes in all well in the future! (Jesus this post is long.)

#bloodbath bakery #idk what else to tag

1 note · View note

misticloyal · 2 years

Text

Depressed Wu Kong 👀

CW: I know some ppl can’t handle descriptions of having panic attacks, PTSD induced flashbacks and just general depression stuff so content warning

Now onto A N G S T :)

- Sometimes Wu Kong would have depression days where all he can think about are the things he hurt, and how he hurts himself by ignoring them. Like Macaque and MK both experiencing problems BECAUSE of his actions.

During these types of days he also spends a lot thinking abt jttw. How he thought that repercussions for what he did weren’t fair even though he deserved them etc.

- Both being trapped under a mountain for 500 years and being a victim of the circlet gave him somewhat PTSD moments so sometimes he just wanders around like a lost spirit around the mountain reliving his mistakes.

- The monkeys of Flower Fruit are usually a saving grace but a lot of times they get pushed away and are unable to find Wu Kong wherever he’s hiding.

- He had to cancel training days w/ MK sometimes which raises questions but he leaves before MK can ask them

Unfortunately for Wu Kong MK is not only a good kid but also a very talented one, as soon as he followed Wu King back to Flower Fruit mountain a bunch of monkeys came up to him and started screeching, which he took as a sign that something was wrong.

Long story short he found Wu Kong having a panic attack and tried to drag him to Sandy which didn’t work.

Then Mk got a call from Pigsy telling him to go deliver an order and while he didn’t like it he was forced to leave Monkey King at the island (though he didn’t set a foot outside until he was sure Wu Kong was at least in the right headspace to be left alone)

- Surprisingly enough the only person who could help showed up by accident. Macaque had been strolling around the city when he caught sight of a very distressed looking MK.

His intrest was piqued so he followed him around and the only thing he could glean from the situation was that MK was trying to help someone emotionally.

He was about to leave until he caught Wu Kong’s name in the conversation the kid was having with Sandy and he immediately planned a course of action so that he could “bump” into MK while on his way back to Flower Fruit Mountain.

When MK did actually bump into him he didn’t start fighting him and instead gasped with a sudden realization, smacked his forehead and said “DUDE why didn’t I think of this before I’m so stupid,”

Basically since MK thinks that Wu Kong’s depressed/PTSD episodes are happening from past experiences maybe if he brings Macaque- who actually knows what happened during that time- to him it would help figure a couple things out.

-When Macaque is frantically being dragged MK to where Wu Kong is curled up in the center of a field (being in an enclosed space reminds him of the mountain) and he startles up sensing Macaque’s presence.

However neither of them take the offensive side and instead Macaque agrees to be Wu Kong’s personal source of comfort whenever he starts regressing to JTTW times.

He's not doing it because he forgives Wu Kong for what he did, he doing it because while he’s comforting Wu Kong by giving him hugs or whatever- he’s also feeding the part of himself that’s telling him to fix things between them instead of targeting MK or Wu Kong’s associates.

-Being around Macaque used to make Wu Kong speak softer since when they were younger Macaque’s ears were super sensitive even amplifying stuff like normal volumed-ed talking.

This is super helpful because if Wu Kong starts screaming in terror while having a flashback (yes he does that because it’s heartbreaking and angst is wonderful o7) a good way to gauge how aware of the outside work he is, is by having Macaque show up.

If Macaque appears and he tries to stop then at least he’s aware enough to remember that Macaque is sensitive to loud sounds, if he doesn’t stop then Macaque helps him come back from flashbacks.

-Macaque uses his shadows to provide a visual aid/distraction in order to ground Wu Kong when he’s disassociating

-The sound of the waterfall in front of his cave also grounds Wu Kong

-They use fruit names to try and gauge how bad a lapse is and they avoid Peaches and Mangoes since they use those as names for each other.

Banana is the lowest risk and Wu Kong’s signal for just not feeling well, no flashbacks or risks of panic attacks yet just feeling disassociating a lot today

Orange means Wu Kong is definitely not having a great time but he’s okay with touch. In fact orange means he NEEDS touch in order to ground himself.

Strawberry means the worst, no touching, the only thing that works when this happens is Macaque getting Wu Kong In an open field away from any trees, and letting his glamours slip. Wu Kong seeing that Macaque’s fur is white calms him down immensely because they used to be friends back in the day, before any of this successor business happened and before JTTW.

(Yes we’re keeping the hc that Macaque’s fur used to be white because 2009 Monkey King is fucking amazing)

#I know this was supposed to be a hc thing #But I got carried away with #Uh #angst #:)#I love writing this lmao #*slaps mini sun wu kong*#This baby can fit so much trauma in him #lego monkie kid #lmk macaque #lmk mk #lmk sun wukong #panic attacks #lmk sandy #hurt/comfort #shadowpeach hurt/comfort :)#shadowpeach

160 notes · View notes

madmaddyenby · 3 years

Text

/rp /dsmp

ok so- c!tommy. we are all aware he’s traumatized, and experiences ptsd from being in traumatic experiences, this is basically fact. while i’d like to talk how c!tommy experiences ptsd, i’d like to bring up a thing i haven’t seen mentioned a lot when it comes to c!tommy and his trauma- c-ptsd. also known as complex-ptsd. it occurs when someone experiences something traumatizing for a period of time.

[image description: A screenshot of text with the words “CPTSD stands for Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is a mental health condition in which a person might experience intense PTSD symptoms that coincide with other mental issues. CPTSD occurs in people who have been subjected to on going traumatizing experiences”. end description]

which, as we know, the exile arc fits the description of “ongoing traumatizing experiences” pretty fucking well. the exile was basically just two weeks of trauma. for a lot of reasons too, there was dream abusing tommy, tommy being isolated, tommys own depression/suicidal thoughts/bad mindset in general. this would all be considered a ongoing traumatizing experience(s).

ptsd is very similar to c-ptsd in how it develops, but ptsd occurs after one singular traumatizing event . (by the way, the event doesnt have to be life or death, it could be something like witnessing or hearing about a shocking event!!!)

symptoms of c-ptsd overlap with ptsd a good lot of the time, due to them both being trauma disorders. however, there are a few differences. here r some symptoms of c-ptsd, alot of which are ptsd symptoms that alot ofpeople with c-ptsd experience as well

reliving the traumatic experience

avoiding certain situations

changes in beliefs and feelings about yourself and others

hyperarousal (jitteriness, being on alert, etc)

somatic symptoms (physical symptoms with no underlying cause)

lack of emotional regulation

change in consciousness

negative self-perception

difficulty with relationships

distorted reception of abuser

loss of system of meanings

now, i’ll go over which of these fit our boy c!tommy, and how they fit for some of them atleast. i will only be talking about the things that are a result from c-ptsd, but also c-ptsd works where it coincides with other mental illnesses a person has so. its also important to note that within a person these symptoms might not stay the same over time, and not everyone who has c-ptsd or ptsd is going to experience it the same. (so not talking abt how pain affects him after dying in the prison, though that is a clear sign of ptsd)

reliving the traumatic experience

tommy’s done this with exile a few times, when revisiting logstedshire, when he saw the craters in logstedshire, when visiting dream in prison, when during the disc finale dream dug the hole and told him to put his armour in, etc etc, he’s even described himself as being trembly in the fingers near plain biomes, while visting logsted he mentioned how shaky it made him to be there, and when he visited logsted one time he had an immediate reaction to seeing a hole in the ground that came off as him reliving it. flashbacks come in from sensations during a traumatic event, like sight, feeling, emotion, etc, etc. it seems like with these he’s experiencing more of a reliving the emotions kind of thing.

avoiding certain situations

i was originally not gonna include this one, but thinking about it, he kind of does in a way. this symptom also includes keeping yourself preoccupied to avoid thinking about it, which is something c!tommy seems to do alot. with focusing on building the hotel, and doing tasks, or grinding for supplies instead of actually thinking about it.

changes in beliefs and feelings about yourself and others

c!tommy uh. does this a lot. a lot of it stems from how during exile tommy was isolated and made to believe no one cared for him, and even if that wasn’t true c!tommy never really got much closure on that. hes not really trusting ppl that b4 were really close to him, tubbo n ranboo for example

lack of emotional regulation

this can also be described as uncontrollable feelings. this is the one i’ve wanted to talk about the most i think- because this is really fits c!tommy. he tends to lash out alot, for example burning the flower c!ranboo gave him, there are a bunch more examples of this that include him yelling at others, that one time when he spleefed c!jack

negative self-perception

yeah. theres a few examples of this one, the one that first comes to mind is that time during the green festival where he was talking about how he was worse than everyone he didn’t wanna be (including his abuser, c!dream...) . theres now when he was building his tower by the prison when he was saying he couldn’t use the cobble because it was too him, and people didnt like the cobble. alot of this i think comes from c!dream making him feel basically worthless in exile :(

difficulty with relationships

Yeah. um. Alot for this one!!! The first to come to mind is c!tubbo. c!tommy and c!tubbos relationship is very very wonky, especially considering recent events with tommy feeling like he is being replaced with c!ranboo. (which he isnt by the way! he just feels as though, which is a valid feeling for him to have :]) . another person that comes to mind is c!ranboo. he’s even mentioned how his and ranboos relationship goes back and forth quite alot. its not very surprising to see that he has difficulty with relationships especially considering a lot of the reason that the exile affected him so badly was because he felt so alone and was so isolated from his friends. another thing that comes to mind, is when he made c!sam sign that contract promising hat he’d be his best friend and protect him. theres most likely way more that can be said here, but this is the first stuff that comes to mind.

distorted reception of abuser

um... yeah. this one. this can also be described as , “ becoming preoccupied with the relationship between you and your abuser. It can also include preoccupation with revenge or giving your abuser complete power over your life. “ which is um. yeah. c!tommy. he’s mentioned how whenever he’s around c!dream he feels like hes conditioned to be his friend (which. yea . he was .). right after he left logstedshire this was very very prominent, he was the biggest c!dream apologist around (/j), saying things like “dream didnt do anything wrong” and even explaining how he wasnt sure about things when it comes to c!dream, that his mind became flip floppy whenever he thought about him. right now, hes focused on getting back at c!dream, not fully for revenge, mainly for his friends and how he doesnt want c!dream to go around killing and reviving everyone, but the point still stands. (this all makes me extra sad because he had gone to the prison the second time in the first place to get closure :(( )

loss of system of meanings

Systems of meaning refer to your religion or beliefs about the world. This can also refer to getting a strong sense of hopelessness or despair about the world, which as of late mainly c!tommy seems to have. mainly referencing in his stream where he visited dreams bunker, he was asking what the point was of finding things that made him happy if dream was just going to get out the prison and destroy it. theres also a few things that also go with this, in one stream while he burnt down ponks lemon tree for sam nook he said "thats still decaying, but yknow, arent we all." and that one time when he gave that hotel invitation to c!techno he was like “ahahha we could die tomorrow anyway”

its also important to note that, “Any type of long-term trauma, over several months or years, can lead to CPTSD. However, it seems to appear frequently in people who’ve been abused by someone who was supposed to be their caregiver or protector. “ Which is.. fairly accurate in c!tommy’s situation. c!dream might’ve not been a caregiver or protector necessarily but he was still someone that was looking after him yknow?

there are most likely more things than what i layed out that show that c!tommy most likely also has cptsd, however this is just the stuff that i thought up :] add to the post if you’d like to!

(also this isn’t saying that c!tommy doesnt have ptsd, he had both ptsd and c-ptsd. also i am not an expert about ptsd, cptsd, or mental health in general, if i got any information wrong let me know)

545 notes · View notes

thechangeling · 2 years

Text

I totally think Jinx is autistic/adhd. Not that I need to list proof or anything. As an autistic person with adhd i should just be able to say I hc a character as autistic or adhd or having both because I identify with them and that's that. But I felt like making a list for me and my friends. This is based on the symptoms and traits that I personally have. You might not relate to all of this if you're also autistic or adhd or comorbid like me and that's ok. We're all different.

Note: Autism is usually comorbid with things like, psychosis, bpd and ptsd or C-PTSD and Jinx probably has some of those as well. However I won't be talking about that because im not diagnosed with any of those things. (I think I might have C-PTSD but I'm not sure.)

-She has meltdowns. The first clear example of this is in episode three and then twice in episode four. Although those meltdowns are clearly caused by flashbacks due to her trauma, the reaction she has afterwords reminds me of a meltdown and it's very similar to how she acted in episode three when she was told to stay behind by Vi because she wasn't ready. The crying and screaming mixed with throwing the box to me was a clear meltdown. Meltdowns aren't always stereotypical rocking back and forth and aggressively stimming. Something they're angry, screaming and crying and throwing shit. That's what my meltdowns are like.

-she's very creative and a out of the box thinker

-She's a good shot. Autistic people have the ability to maticulously focus on very tiny details. In my experience this can make you better at things like archery or shooting.

- She displays clear signs of emotional dysregulation which is a symptom of both autism and adhd (very intense emotional outbursts and drastic changes in emotions, I get this is also a PTSD thing but still)

- she hyper focuses on her projects and has a clear special interest in building her makeshift grenades and bombs and stuff.

- She talks to herself and inanimate objects. (I do this a lot, it helps me process my thoughts). I get that this is probably because she's having auditory and visual hallucinations but the line between living in your imagination and actually hallucinating can get blurry. Believe me.

- She moves in a very ADHD way. She's always traveling on the balls of her feet in a very bouncy hoppy way. She moves with so much chaotic energy, all over the place. Also the way she sits is very autistic, always propping her feet up, or leaning over and hugging her knees to her chest. People call it the gay way of sitting. She also moves her hands a lot when she talks.

- She loves things that stimulate her and give her dopamine. Ppl with adhd are lacking in dopamine so we tend to favor things that give you quick and large doses of dopamine like video games. I think this is why Jinx loves the chaos of battle, the fighting and explosions. She finds it stimulating. Basically flashy flashy boom boom make brain go wheeeeeee. This leads me to my next point.

-Jinx is sensory seeking. The stereotype is that autistic people are all sensory avoidant, unable to handle bright lights and loud noises, but some of us are the exact opposite. Like me. Jinx is a very tactile person, she always hugs the people she's closest to (Vi and then later Silco), she puts her feet on Silco's lap when they're talking in episode 4 and presses her face to his and strokes/touches his face in episode 9. She blasts loud music in her workshop and she clearly loves watching things go boom.

- She's different. A huge part of Jinx's character is that ever since she was a kid she's always been the odd one out. She has trouble fitting in and belonging even with her own sister, but she wants so badly to belong. This is a huge part of being autistic or being neurodivergint in general tbh. People don't really like Jinx except for Vi and Silico and even they lose patience with her at times because she's a lot. She's a "problem" she's a shit starter, she can't be controlled. Growing up autistic/adhd you constantly get the message that you're a fuck up and you tend to internalize that as you get older.

- She's impulsive.

- She likes being up high. This is something that's pretty common amongst the autistic people I know and it's also true for me.

- There is also the scene where she takes an idiom literally which is classic autism. "They did a number on her?" "oh yeah which number?"

-She's loyal. Loyal to Vi until her sister (from her point of view) leaves and abandons her and then extremely loyal to Silco until he threatens to kill Vi. And even then after she shoots him she still apologizes and clearly regrets it.

-She has a huge problem with lying. This could also be a result of her trauma but in my experience autistic people place signifant value on honesty and being honest. I know I do. Anytime she catches anyone in a lie, especially someone she cares about or even THINKS someone's lying, she loses it. I also don't think she ever lies in the show. She may fake vauneability to get people to lower their guards around her but she never actually lies.

That's all I can think of for now. I adore Jinx and my heart breaks for her. I just so so much of myself in her. Poor lost girl. She just needs to be loved.

@littlx-songbxrd @have-a-holly-jolly-angstmas

#jinx arcane #actually autistic #actually adhd #c ptsd #trauma #psychosis #bpd #autistic headcannons

114 notes · View notes

papers4me · 3 years

Text

Fruits Basket, Se03. ep 6.(Part 1)

The main female protagonist who, has been the “mother /psychiatrist/ fixer/curse-breaker” for 57 eps & 2 seasons, has finally had her own “I’m a real person with my own issues” ep !!!! YESS! So happy!!! also, so underwhelmed. Tohru has been painted to be this utterly selfless & altruistic character for long, that when she’s finally a balanced character it’s presented in half an episode? Don’t get me wrong, I like the ep, but there’s also the same feeling of bullet train that I felt in momiji’s ep! ugh!! I hated that feeling! Go away~ oh well.. I’ll quickly state what I didn’t like, before jumping into what I liked, in order to end with a happier note~

What I didn’t like:

Tohru’s monologue after leaving shigure & Isuzu felt more like a background exposition more than a true character’s thoughts. The reason is that It is quickly narrated with quick flashbacks from the past with intentional pieces missing from the flashback. Pieces like” how did Kyoko hurt tohru? She said to kyo, in se02, ep “ I feel like I’ve only caused her sadness” & tohru’s flashbacks in se02 of her mother leaving/ closing a door. All these things not included in tohru’s 1st ever personal monologue made it seem like quick fill in for the audience more than tohru’s main struggle. Compare it to Yuki’s 3 ep monologue in se02, filled with all his own background info, hence, we as audience sit back & just feel. With tohru a little brain work is needed of putting things together in the puzzle is needed because NOTHING abt her trauma has ever been explained to us prior to her monologue . Also, compare this kyo. A character who ONLY have 2 eps dedicated to him in 57 eps, yet even without monologues & with hidden secrets for climax purposes, his emotions are clear cuz his background was explained early in se01, ep24 & se02, ep9. Compared to them both, her monologue felt a bit lacking.

What’s up with the following scene? Her crying & kyo comforting her mid-street. He saw her crying, asked what’s wrong & she couldn’t say & he gave her a comforting advice. All good. Kyo always give the most needed advice for tohru to be herself & feel comforted. Se01, “complain more, be selfish” Se02, somen table scene & asking her abt her future plans & the hiro incident. Kyo has tried to guess whats wrong first. Here he saw her cry in the middle of the street & just gave her an advice? couldn’t he at least guess wrongly if it is her granpa? school? anything? This scene is AMAZING but it feels off a little.

Kyo’s “ now I remember” EXCUSE ME?????? se01, ep14, valentine ep, he got a nightmare, then when shigure talked to him, we saw a quick flashback that we didn’t now what it is but now it IS kyoko. se02, the entirety of ep9 & the “ I won’t forgive you” & the flashback of young him with kyoko talking abt tohru. se02, ep 22 his fight with yuki & the clear face of kyoko telling him abt something regarding the hat. His entire shutdown of tohru IS abt kyoko NOT abt him being a monster cuz tohru accepted monster kyo in se01 ep 24! so.. REMEMBER WHAT????? the accident?? I feel like being hit with a rock. I mean, it makes sense that kyo will get PTSD after seeing the hat, cuz he remembers the bloody accident vividly. But it is the dialogue that IS weird. “ I remember” ?? it makes no sense? unless it is another hidden secret & will be revealed later. If so, then forget this point.

Kagura (more on her below). Now, let’s talk abt what I liked!

-Grief (the most difficult theme to express in literature): Excellent writing!

Grief is one of the most diverse human emotions. ppl who grief a loved one either erase everything abt them in order to cope with the pain of loss & live on, or drastically engrave everything, not want any memory to slip away, or hold the deceased on a pedestal, or hate them irrationally in order to forget abt them, some deny that the loved one is gone, others talk to them daily, some act & live normally for years & suddenly it hits them that this loved person is truly gone & they breakdown. Others, direct their disbelief of losing a precious one into the envy that other bad ppl are still living, why my precious one is dead?. Thats why, it is a difficulty emotion to understand by others. Ppl watching you will always think that comforting you is enough & that the longer you take, the more impatient they are with you. Tell me, watching tohru this ep, didn’t you feel that:

Come on. tohru, you can love your mom & kyo! who says only ONE person can be your precious?

Umm, why she cries for her mom NOW? 2 years after her death? Is she over it already?

Tohru~~ your mom aint going no where cuz you loved a guy? she’s in your heart, girl. Ugh!

Compared to yuki who was abused by his parents & kyo whose mom commit suicide in front of him, tohru’s trauma is meh~

Feeling this way abt tohru is exactly how many feel abt ppl struggling with grief. You are NOT a bad person if you felt this way. It means that thankfully you weren’t struck by grief to tohru’s extent or that your grief went about differently than tohru. Grief is a crippling feeling. It is valid, strong, overwhelming, paralyzing & above all very unique to the person themselves. Tohru feeling that her mom is slipping away from her memory is so realistic & utterly heartbreaking. Grief hurts & moving on from grief hurts more!!!! The more you go on & live your life, the more you feel like you betray your loved one.

Tohru’s entire existence is for her mother & so her mother LIVES inside her:

Finishing high school cuz it’s her mother’s request.

Getting a job to sustain herself cuz she has no one to support her financially.

Giving her mom’s wisdom & teachings abt life to others.

imitating her dad’s speaking style to prevent her mom from “leaving”.

Being the perfect girl in order to portray that her mom, who is a gangster & is hinted by the ugly relatives to be unfaithful to her husband due to tohru not taking after her dad, actually raised a respectful girl!

Talking to a dead cold lifeless picture as if it is a living human being & going into panic attacks when she looses such pictures.

Suppressing all her true “ ugly, negative” emotions & only giving the fake smiles & positive attitude.

She fears that ppl will leave her if she isn’t “comforting, happy”, hence, the whole facade of “ i’m okay, I’m okay”.

Immersing her self in ppl’s issues so she won’t face her own feelings of utter loneliness, fear of the future, & being left behind when everybody moves on with their lives.

Thinking that having selfish desires contradicts the “ hopeful, kind” girl images, hence, the fear to actually wants sth for herself. Everything HAS TO BE for the sake of the others.

Tohru is deeply traumatized & her complex, unhealthy but extremely realistic attachment to her mom must be broken. Tohru must learn to LET GO.

-Kagura’s character’s assassination. aka (violence heals y’all!)

The show wanted to express the emotion that kagura is still in love with kyo, but is learning to let go & accepting kyo/tohru love. I love that. Her speech with kazuma abt not being able to face tohru cuz her face will show her emotions is so relatable & it hit ME personally. Loved that. Then, she learns that tohru truly loves kyo & should confess to him not talk to Isuzu & I get that, it make sense that she lashes on thru & teach her the value of being open abt your feelings & dont loose him. all cool & understandable. BUT:

How dare you slap tohru like that? you don’t know what she’s going through? tohru is wearing funeral clothes for God’s sake! she just visited her dead mom, you insensitive woman! How dare you assume that all tohru is struggling with is love love, romance romance yay~ confess, kiss, be happy?

Tohru & kyo’s issues are deeper than typical, normal, shallow shojo love. It is related to child trauma & abuse. To their own individual identity & self-image! Their romantic love is meant to guide them towards better choices for the future, not magically heal everything. Their mutual love is NOT the answer to their issues.

How dare you slap someone to make them go back to their senses? this is such an anime move! ugh!~ it cheapens the emotional weight of character’s emotions.

“ I’m not apologizing to tohru. We communicate thro fists” excuse me? you arent even communicating with kyo thro fists! he sees you & run! the only time he thanked you for, was when you didn’t “ communicate thro fists” & played with him as a child! Not only make her hit tohru but not apologize??

No one told her off? are you foreal?? Isuzu pouting lips is no match for Isuzu powerful emotions when she’s embarrassed, & kazuma! where you at? Happy at the “ open confrontation”? Why do you kill kagura’s character like that?

Side Notes:

I hate how this went by in half an ep like they did with machi!! tohru is THE main character for God’s sake! But it looks like the show is not so fond of the true tohru who wants stuff & screams & talks to herself, alas she isn’t the angelic, innocent girl that is saturating the heck out of all shojo amines. Oh well~ perhaps tohru’s issues will be visited again in the finale?

Kyo gets PTSD reaction in front of tohru. great. Now what’s next? I won’t ever forgive the anime if next ep, kyo & tohru are all normal or worse the episodic theme prevents the continuation & jumps elsewhere. Nearly all the eps that didn’t end with a happy note, started the next ep somewhere & totally forgot the cliff hanger. such as, Isuzu’s ep in se02, it ended with tohru’s nightmare & next ep started yuki’s issues with tohru all smiley & bright. Another example, the Cinderella play ended with kyo/tohru torn symbolism where each is awkward with the other, next ep machi !!!!!! & kyo/ tohru all normal in kazuma’s house. But this time, it will be an epic mistake to do the same. Kyo going full traumatic in front of tohru to the point of her screaming is not sth you skip & start over erasing. Don’t disappoint me show! you can’t screw that, can you?

I love the symbolism of kyoko disappearing from the picture & the crack of her framed pic at the end with it still continued in he ED. Good job.

They are building for a hug clashing scene between kyo & tohtu. it must hurt. It is designed to hurt. I wanted it to hurt. It is not abt romance. It is abt mental & emotional trauma. I’m excited. But I’m scared. After today’s ep, I can confidently say I don’t trust the director. I’m an anime-only, but tohru’s part in the story is the least touched upon, the quickest to get over with & has the wackiest animation. They just don’t know how to depict an emotional tohru~ sigh~

Tohru is written to be a unique protagonist in the sea of innocent, selfless & always happy shojo heroine & opposed to the badass, physically strong female protag in shonen. She is the most realistic, but so much of her potential is wasted so far~~

“ saving the sohma’s. breaking the curse for others is a lie, in reality I wanted to do it for kyo” This line is supposed to be liberating for tohru cuz for once she is putting herself FIRST! It is not abt kyo. It is abt herself! it is cuz SHE wants him. See the difference? See how this line gives tohru the biggest character development!! but still sth is missing. I duno..

I have lots to say abt tohru, kyo, shigure, the grandpa, kyoko, Isuzu & even kazuma! I’ll do that in part 2.

I still liked the ep tho. It is solid. I”ll like it MORE if they continued from here & didn’t cut it cold.

#Fruits Basket #Anime Only #Exhausted paper #final season #Tohru Honda

39 notes · View notes

the-acid-pear · 3 years

Text

I didn't want to but my last post got so long Tumblr can't load it AFSGSGAHH so this is my second post bc liveblogging this manga is part of my personality now <3

From where i left,

I love seeing Shibukawa i hate knowing how that fight will go down tho </3

JACKKKK 🥺

Oh is that literally Andre the giant?

MOTOBEEEE 💞

THAT'S RETSU?! GOD I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HIM AT ALL I-

KUREHA IS BACK TOO NICE

Katou baby you won't last

YESSSSSSSS YES YES YES MY SON.

Yeah and uh, Katsumi whatever.

BABYYYYYYYYY BOYYYYYYYYYY

Poor Kozue on god pugoygpgu

Toba 🥺

Kozue like 😨

Chapter 186

You don't know but like 2 days passed and i actually forgot what was happening VÑVPJOYG

I just remembered that scene in the fairy odd parents movie where the crowd goes OHHH AHHH

WHAT NUT?

I don't want to simp so early in the morning but UGHHH look at him!!

Hey has Baki always been doing the yujiro stand or is this new?

Feel you Mr Andre the giant i too have been told to not use my full strength. Though I'm just 1.60, my power comes from my anger issues and my god given right to kick ass

That's one strong kick

Rip the crowd n Andre the giant

Chapter 187

I don't think that's true Baki boy

That's a big number sir

I really don't care about this fight much at all surudtidkgxkhkdgksr

Poor Kozue man

Okay no apparently all cis men on the comments did want to become the string ???? Get help /j

Chapter 188

This is prob cool if you know who these people are. I unfortunately don't.

Look of bloodlust? He looks like the average fuckboy

YESSS BABEY LET'S GOOO THE GLASSES ARE BACKKK

Me watching the anime: omg that's so random why is he wearing glasses out of nowhere lol?

Me now (my brain is bigger): WOOOOOOOOO

I'm still obsessed with Toba's size

IFYOYDITDPUGPJG

Okay i had to google who igari was bc i wasn't recognizing him, now I'm cheering on him

This is gonna be a good one, hopefully

That was murder

DOPPO POG DOPPO POG-

Chapter 189

Hehehe this title sounds promising 👀

KSJSKSHSJS BRO 🥺

I really can't tell if he's scared of confident, i HOPE he's confident like, he's my pollo afteral (i make that joke in Spanish bc idk how to do it in English 😭)

Nice feet (See? No one can accuse me of having a foot fetish because no one reads these haha!)

I'm not gonna simp for 3 lines straight but i can't just pass this without saying how much i love how Doppo looks in this arc my man looking more precious than usual 😌🥺💞

Shout-out to the ppl in the comments wishing Motobe a happy bday <33

Chapter 190

These men just LOVE breaking fingers don't they?

It was a pleasure knowing you Motobe-san

I must say Doppo first watching the fights with Katou now with his son is like, super damn sweet like this dude is just such a Dad™

Sumo is such a damn cool sport tbh, i watched like one documentary on it once and nothing else but it's just like damn

NOOOUGHHH

MOTOBE IS FUCKING DEAD.

Lshekwhwksgskd someone was mentioning how they make Motobe sound like a badass but he loses every time and someone just responded "He's 50", which is similar to the justification i tried to give myself whenever Doppo kept fucking losing but then you have mfs like Shibukawa who is 70 and is just mad powerful KSVSNSH 😔

Chapter 191

Hehe the king ☺️

THAT WAS SO RANDOM AJGSJSGEJSG i love this mf

FUCK HOW SHORT IS RETSU OMG 🥺

1.76 HE'S SO TINY HE'S SHORTED THAN DOPPO OMFG

also if y'all wonder how I'm doing my jaw is currently trembling and i think i have a fever, but it's fine, we getting to 200 today boys

I really don't care much about Katsumi but he has a very shaped face i won't lie, his eyes are very pretty too. STILL DONT CARE BOUT HIM 🙄😒

They just throwing hands these mfs ffs

Katsumi that's a bit too far don't you think?

A fuckin pussy out sort of luck i see

Chapter 192

I hate smooth Retsu sm let him keeps his face wrinkles ffs

Obsessed with these lads

ANDRE MY MAN look at him

EVERYBODY IS GETTING IN THE WAY FR SPUGPYDOTSÑD

I love how these characters say <3

Fucked up to beat up a wounded man tho NGL :/

OH FUCK HIS ELBOW NO

Chapter 193

Idk man after 180+ chapters Retsu's body doesn't look that wild to me

I know he will lose bc uh, Retsu obviously? But man i really like this Russian

Kozue that's how every match is

Hhhh 😬

He's dead.

Chapter 194

OH MY GOD HIM AGAIN?! HHH FFS!!!

VAMOOOS KATOU

Hey they aren't doing the white lips thing anymore that's sick

Motobe Latino /j

OYFPUTDPUTDPUTDPID

NO MY MAN KATOU IS NO MATCH TO YUJIRO NO ONE IS NOOO 😢

Chapter 195

Monkee

MY BOY BAKI GETTING THAT GOOD OL FLASHBACK HUH BAKI PTSD MOMENCE

YEET

Chapter 196

LSHLSHEKEBSJSHSVS IM LOSING IT

Look at the cocky mf man sjsgdhd

I must say i love the progression of Baki's personality

ANDOOOO

Chapter 197

Katsumi is deranged

My health problems are solved btw

I honestly hope Katsumi wins, for the honor of shinshinkai exclusively

Doppo looks so proud of his son 🥺

These mfs so childish ffs

...how is he that small 😭

I really don't understand any of these people

Chapter 198

I love seeing Toba just around doing shit like yeah king you go. My nostalgia enjoys his presence

Toba king i don't want to see you on a wheelchair please-

Toba baby you are going to die and horrible death and i will hate to be the witness of it

LSHSJSHSKHWKSHS ???

He's dead 😔

SHOUT-OUT TO THE FUCKING ASSHOLE WHO COMPARED TOBA TO THE TERRAFORMARS ROACHES 😭😭💀

Chapter 199

Igari right? He's dead too. I have less doubt than anyone else, Hanayama is a beast.

THEHWHSHHS 😭 WHY DOES HE HAVE TO OPEN BOTTLES LIKE THAT FFS

Different? Idk man he looks the same to me

Chapter 200

Like it's not just brawling man if anyone the size and strenght of Hanayama did anything they would win no matter what, this mf is a beast

THAT'S SO MEAN THEY WERE SUCH BESTIES OUGH MY HEART 😢💔

I'm sorry, he's gonna get WHAT? 😳

Ndhskshskhdkd obsessed

THESE MEN OMFG.... IM LOSING IT

So glad at least SOMEONE is still a bro 😒

HANAYAMA BRO??? IM BETTING ALL MY MONEY ON YOU BRO PLEASE

Obsessed he didn't even realize

THANKS HANAYAMA PHEW I WAS GETTING WORRIED FOR A SECOND THERE!

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

And that's it for tonight, adiós

#luly talks #btg #i was worried about this being super short but like 🥴 nah not at all NSHSKSHD #im gonna be honest im having fun yes but im not super into this arc its just. kinda... silly? in a way??#i dont understand these idiots at all #shit was so simple at the very start i rlly miss those days 😔

9 notes · View notes

daydreamsigh · 3 years

Text

Being mentally ill but in love is so weird

Like I have “life plans” but only because it seems that’s the only suitable route with the least amount of friction for me rather than being driven by ambition or being enthusiastic to live life

But all in all they’re very loose plans and I really can’t imagine myself being successful in a traditional sense or even being elderly like I’m hoping to be out before then

And then I’m with this woman and it’s like flickers of images appear in my mind with her there, like envisioning some kind of future and it gives me hope and I criticize myself like why have I attempted to end my life so many times when there’s something good to stay for..but sometimes the depression and the accentuated depression from ptsd flashbacks is a bit stronger so it’s hard to imagine anything good in life to that extent

People will think I’m some big baby and that’s fine I think so too 🤷‍♀️ but having (c)ptsd is just never ending. I mean this literally. When I say being around ppl or even just in places that are complex (lots of colors, a certain ambience, music etc..) sets off a flashback (which can be an actual immersive memory or simply be familiar emotions and sensations) that leaves me frozen and scared and unable to do anything like talk, see what’s really in front of me, think complex thoughts in that moment.. I can’t control it. This is just my life daily. I’m lucky that I work in a small building with minimal ppl and even just muted colors, where it’s typically quiet on a good day especially now with the pandemic so a lot of ppl have quit and the attendance is super low.

Then I just have anxiety and an eating disorder (along with mood disorders and a personality disorder) that really makes my self perception distorted, I will never look at myself in a positive light whether it be mentally or physically. I’m just not cut out to live life in this world and I’ve come to terms with: as long as I live there will always be this deep-seated sadness in me. Sometimes I feel I’m just like this inherently, sometimes I have common sense and know it’s not entirely who I am and not solely my fault but over all it’s there and it’s been there since I was a child and it’ll never go away.

This woman I’m with she doesn’t make all this go away but she does settle my worries or keep these feelings and attacks at bay. I can say with confidence she’ll be there for me despite anything and I will for her too. For me that’s good enough. I think the best thing for me is to just focus on what’s happening in the moment because the past triggers me and the future stresses me out but in the now I just try to take the days as they come..

#also it’s hard to imagine myself reaching a consistent state of contentment #but she does make me feel at peace and happy most times #it just always feel bizarre and unnatural #dia talks

13 notes · View notes

krowfics · 3 years

Text

This world is after me, after you

Fandom: MLP:FiM

Ship: Flutterdash

Plot: Rainbow wakes up from a nightmare and she feels like she's back in Cloudsdale, far from safety. Fluttershy comforts her and reminds her that she's safe now.

Words: 1480

Notes: AU where Rainbow has PTSD and moved in with Fluttershy when they left Cloudsdale. Hurt/comfort, flashbacks, nightmares, self harm, past child abuse, Fluttershy is a good marefriend

FiMfiction

~~~

Rainbow Dash sat up with a gasp, her breaths ragged, eyes blown wide with adrenaline coursing through her veins. She needed to go. She needed to run. She needed to fly. She needed to hide. It’s not safe. She’s not safe.

“Honey?”

She looked around the room. Where is her dad? Where did he go? Is he coming back? She should lock the door. He’ll yell if she locks the door. She should hide. She’s not safe.

“Rainbow, sweetie.”

The pegasus turned when she felt something- someone grabbing at her wing. Fluttershy. Fluttershy was here.

“That’s right, honey, I’m here.” The mare’s soft voice spoke.

Why was she here? It’s not safe. She can’t be here.

“You are safe Rainbow.”

No.

“Yes.”

Rainbow gazed at the other for a long moment. She saw those beautiful cyan eyes and the pale coat that was dimmed in the dark of night. Her vision blurred, making it impossible to continue her staring at the other any longer.

“No. No, Rainbow, let go of your wing.” A bit of sternness showed through her voice. Rainbow looked down to see the offending appendage in her grasp. Why was she holding her own wing? She dropped it. “Good.” Rainbow Dash did good. Good.

She flinched hard when she felt something touch her hoof, she opened her eyes - When had she shut them? - and saw Fluttershy’s hoof being pulled away from where it had tried to hold hers, “Wait- Don’t-” Rainbow managed, reaching out to grasp the hoof between her own forehooves, “Mine.” she mumbled.

“Okay.” Fluttershy said, “Okay, it’s okay, I’m not going anywhere.”

Go. They needed to go, it isn’t safe. Rainbow just held the hoof tighter.

“We’re going to turn the lights on, o-”

“No!” Rainbow winced at the loud noise that came from herself, “No,” She said much quieter, “We- we can’t. He’s- He’ll-”

“Oh, oh, fledgling. Come here.” Fluttershy concern was clear even as she whispered, “We won’t. We won’t turn the lights on.” She promised.

Rainbow let herself be folded into the arms of the other, unable to hold back hiccups that boarded on sobs. She clung to the other’s hoof as tight as she dared. She needed to keep Fluttershy safe, it wasn’t safe. She muffled her whimpers in the yellow pegasus’ neck and felt one of Flutters’ hooves on the back of her head, slowly petting her mane. Two yellow wings wrapped around her comfortingly.

“Rainbow,” She could feel the vibration of Fluttershy’s voice against her, “Do you know who I am?”

Rainbow nodded barely, face still pressed against the crook of the other’s neck.

“Can you tell me?”

“Fluttershy.” She whispered.

“Yes, that’s right. Good.” Fluttershy said she was good, that’s good. “Can you tell me where we are?”

Where are they? Where was this? She was in a bed. The blanket was still covering her back hooves, she could feel it when she shuffled her legs. She was home. “Home.”

“Where is home?”

Where?

They were yelling. They were yelling and screaming and she wasn’t good, she was bad. They were screaming at her that she was bad. They were going to hurt her. He was going to hurt her.

And now she was in bed. Fluttershy was in bed with her.

“Cottage.” She said eventually, “Ponyville.”

“Yes.” Fluttershy said with relief, “We’re in our cottage in Ponyville. We’re safe. You’re safe.”

Rainbow pulled back, just enough to look at the other, “Safe?” She said more to herself than anyone else.

“Yes, safe.” Fluttershy confirmed, loosening the hold her wing’s had on the other mare.

Rainbow Dash looked around the room, dimly lit by moonlight and alive with worry. Animals blinked up at her from every corner. She was having a nightmare that wasn’t real and she’s safe now, “We can turn the light on.” She said, she winced as she realized how scratchy her voice was from crying.

“Okay,” Fluttershy said, “Angel?” She turned, and the rabbit in question gave an audible huff but jumped up and flicked the switch.

Rainbow jerked her hoof over her eyes at the blinding sensation. The other hoof was still holding Fluttershy’s, she realized, “Sorry,” She mumbled but couldn’t find it in herself to let go, “The thought of losing you scares me.” Her voice cracked a little at those words. SHe wasn’t going to cry again. She wasn’t.

“You have nothing to apologize for, I’m not going anywhere.” Fluttershy said again, she turned to another animal, the whole room was filled with them at this point, likely concerned after hearing their conversation, if you could even call it that, “Could you get her a glass of water, please?” She asked.

“I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“You were having a nightmare.”

“I still woke you.”

Fluttershy looked at her, a little incredulously, “I’m glad you did, I wanted to help you. You would do the same for me. You do the same for me when I have panic attacks.”

She did. She’d do anything for Fluttershy. Rainbow would fly to the end of Equestria and back for the mare, she would chop off both her wings if it meant helping the other, and of course she’d help her through any nightmare or panic attack at the drop of a feather.

Speaking of wings.

Rainbow flexed hers awkwardly, wincing in pain. Fluttershy looked at her sympathetically. A trio of two birds and a squirrel somehow managed to work together and bring a glass of water to Fluttershy’s side of the bed, “Thank you,” said the kind pony, she held the glass up to Rainbow, “Drink this, I’ll go get the… Oh.”

She smiled and Rainbow Dash followed her gaze to see that two ferrets had jumped onto the foot of the bed, dragging the first aid kit from the bathroom along with them.

“Thank you.” Fluttershy said, giving the water to Rainbow so that she could pick up the box. Rainbow drank, despite feeling like there was a pit in her stomach. She downed the cup in a few gulps and reached over to set it on the bedside table.

Fluttershy had gotten out cream and whatnot to sooth the painful places that once held feathers. Rainbow didn’t know why she pulled out feathers, it didn't make any sense for someone who liked flying so much to do even subconsciously. Apparently it was something with stress and over grooming and was common among anxious pegasi, but all that meant for her was that she may not be able to fly well for a few days if the episode was too bad. That sucks but also doubly sucks considering she’s a weather pony, her job literally requires flight.

She let the other mare treat her like she would one of her animal friends, like she’d done countless times before. Rainbow Dash just watched her work, staring intently at a honestly barely noticeable bald patch with a cotton swab in her grasp, laying some medication on it. Rainbow only pulled out two feathers this time, she’d be fine as long as she didn’t get an infection, and Fluttershy would see to it that she wouldn’t.

Fluttershy. Fluttershy the mare who helped her through every flash back, who helped her escape from that Celestia forsaken place, who cared for innocent animals with as much gusto as she cared for other ponies. Fluttershy, the love of her life. She was kind, and she was wonderful, and she hummed a soft little tune as she capped the medication and set it back with the supplies to give back to the ferrets.

“I love you.” Rainbow breathed, not really trying to say anything, but she could hardly worry about it when it was so true.

Fluttershy smiled at her, “I love you too, fledgling,” She said, placing a kiss on Rainbow’s forehead, “Would you like to go back to sleep?”

Rainbow nodded and Fluttershy slipped under the blanket with her, “Angel?” Rainbow heard her say, and the light turned off, “Thank you, Angel bunny. And every critter, thank you for helping, goodnight.” There was chittering and chattering in response and Rainbow couldn’t help but smile at that.

Fluttershy hummed, finally laying down with her, “What’re you thinking about?”

“You.” Rainbow said, “You’re perfect, I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” She said, a bit sappily, but how could she not be sappy when she had the best pony ever sharing the heat of a bed with her.

“You’re just as perfect.” Fluttershy said, continuing before Rainbow could argue otherwise, “Perfect for me. We’re perfect for each other. You know, we’re meant to be.” She said softly, laying a wing over the blue pegasus to pull her closer.

“We are, aren’t we?” Rainbow grinned.

“Mhm.” The mare agreed, her eyes already shut as she began to succumb to sleep, “Good night, honey.”

“Good night, Flutters.”

~~~

I used this prompt list and a random number generator to get

1“You know we’re meant to be.”

2“The thought of losing you scares me.”

9“Mine.”

I also got a random song from a playlist (that was the mcr discography, so not that random) for inspiration and got Bulletproof Heart. Don’t tell the ppl over at FiMfiction that that’s where I got the title from, I’m 99% sure I’m breaking a rule- aaa-

also i literally have so much for this au so, i might write more,,, idk,,

#thekrowiswriting #mlp fan fiction #flutterdash #hurt/comfort #fluttershy #rainbow dash #self harm tw #trauma tw #flash backs tw #past child abuse

16 notes · View notes

enderspawn · 3 years

Note

🎼 (I can’t find the correct emoji lol) exile arc tommy?

Oh boy! (opens up breakdown playlist) /hj

Montreal – Penelope Scott

Sleep with a Baseball Bat – Cosmic Johnny

Brother – Gerard Way

breakdown under cut, tw for suicidal ideation on the first song esp

1. Montreal – heehee hoohoo suicidal/depression thoughts baby!!

I mean in short this is tommy saying he wont Survive exile. The intro of the song lists when the singer would be home from college/school and that “another 90 day summers gonna take [their] fucking life” which is rlly just. Tommy not gonna live THAT long in exile.

“And I would rather die And let me make it clear It's nobody's fault But I think we all know That I won't make it to Montreal”

So the thing here is that its “nobody’s fault” bc on one hand it is that he doesn’t blame tubbo but worse he doesn’t blame DREAM. Its just meant to happen, its not bc of anybody, yknow?

“And I would rather die I'll jump before I'll fall And I'm having lots of fun But I won't make it Montreal”

Mans tried to jump to his death before he “fell” whether bc of dream or an accident, hes makin the active CHOICE to end it rather than just waiting. Even w the fun he’s having w dream, he’s miserable and he knows he wont make it to see lmanberg again

“You like to talk about the future As if it's real And when you tell me that you love me I can almost feel it”

Dream keeps promising him stuff for the future. Maybe he can visit to see the tree, maybe he can get another visit, maybe he wont be alone. But tommy doesn’t care, its all fake to him (which like, it is so good for him but fjkdlsjf)

“It's not that it's a bad plan No, the plan fucking slapped I was so excited you don't know how bad I wanted all of it The coffee shop, the weather, the apartment But I don't want anything anymore I don't know, I guess I just got bored”

Okay so. Tommy kept trying to get shit together to leave, right? He wanted to go back so bad and have this domestic life w his friends but in the end he just got so downtrodden that after his shit got blown up he was so ready to just GIVE UP.

“And I don't wanna die I don't wanna get left behind But it's better half than none I hope to god you have some fun”

He doesn’t want to be in this situation, he still CARES abt the lmanberg crew but in the end hes been told that they’re happy WIHTOUT him. He’s not angry at them, not anymore, he just wants them to be happy bc he isn’t.

2. Sleep with a Baseball Bat – tommy and dream relationship baby!!

“And every time you wake up Thinking this could be the day Well something, something just”

Every day in exile he had no real plans. He just had to exist out there alone and hope someone else came. This IS the day he can do…. Something. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t have a goal.

“And when your love is an anxiety attack Don’t settle for that, don’t settle for that And when you wake and find the claw marks in your back Sleep with a baseball bat, sleep with a baseball bat”

Hes been manipulated into thinkin dream is his friend, that dream “loves” him but it makes him miserable! Hes paranoid and stressed and falling apart!! Boy!!! Fjdsklfj

“Siena says you’re getting used But something’s broken in your head And you can’t run away when you need to”

The other ppl who visited him, like ranboo, KNEW something was happening and that he was in a bad place but tommy had been manipulated by dream so much that he couldn’t process it. No, dream couldn’t be bad, dream was his friend, right? He couldn’t leave exile, dream would be upset. Its all what DREAM wants, not tommy.

“Hey, space cadet Are you still floating round the rock That you spent so much of your life trying to get away from? And does it at least look different from up there?”

OKAY SO ONE. SPACE CADET? THAT’S CLARA BABY!! TWO: he spent ALL his time on this server fucking fighting dream, trying to “get away from” him. But now hes stuck “floating around” with him as his “friend”. The last line feels sarcastic and bitter but like. FUCK it hits, yknow??

“It might take a couple tries till you believe it But love is real, you’ll figure it out, you’ll live to see it But you still have to take a couple of falls And you can’t make an omelet without breaking your balls So batter up Is your bed made? Is your helmet on?”

HAPPY ENDING POG!! HE STARTS HEALING!!!! HE STARTS REALIZING DREAM WASN’T HIS FRIEND!!! He still “falls” and relapses into wanting dream w him but hes so much better!!! Also,,,,, “is your helmet on” w the turtle shell helmet (eyes emoji)

3. Brother – IF TECHNO AND TOMMY NOT BROTHERS WHY THIS SON—(gunshot rings out)

Okay so on a serious note this song is abt addiction and while I don’t want to take away from that Serious Topic, it Does relate but w tommy dealing w his ptsd of dream

“And brother, if you have the chance to pick me up And can I sleep on your couch To the pound of the ache and pain? Oh, in my head 'Cause I'm awake all night long To the drums of the city rain”

Hhrhnrng staying at technos place to hide from dream and get better a lil JFKDLSJK. Also “the drums of the city rain” is referenced a LOT in this song but like. It keeps him up so,,,,,, dream JFKDLSJF. Mans barely ever slept in exile so it WORKS okay jfkdlsjf

“The lights we chase The nights we steal The things that we take to make us feel this (To the drums of the city rain)”

This is him and techno livin together!! Like in the first chorus you could see lights we chase being tommy finding techno’s place, then later it’s the lights of lmanberg as they sneak in. the nights they steal is both just time spent together and also straight up the times they stole shit JFKDSLJ. “the things that we take to make us feel” is the gapples tommy always eats so that he can feel safe (also, bc in the og song this is PROBABLY abt drugs and potions are drugs in universe so. Arguably getting a potion effect from the apple means it is Also Drugs? Fjdkslfj)

“I can't go back I don't think I will I won't sleep tonight as long as I still Hear the drums of the city rain”

Go back to logstedshire or lmanberg you ask?? The answer is yes. Both. He feels like he doesn’t belong in lmanberg and logstedshire is too traumatizing for him to return at this point. As long as he “hears the drums of the city rain”, or is thinking of dream, he Cant Sleep:tm:

“Does anyone have the guts to shut me up? 'Cause I believe that every night There's a chance we can walk away So hold on tight Because I won't wait too long In the drums of the beating rain”

Okay so hear me out but. This is just tommy and dream. “I believe that every night theres a chance we can walk away” is tommy hoping desperately for dream to let him go home, to walk away from logstedshire. He never will be permitted, not really, but theres a chance that tommy clings to. He wont “wait too long” while out in exile and stuck w dream bc hes desperate and miserable (also fun fact these analysis is basically me just pmv’ing shit in my head and rambling vaguely abt it but like. Listen,,,, flashback verse jfkdsljf) ALSO. The line “does anyone have the guts to shut me up” in relation to exile!tommy is just VERY important to me. Mans was so quiet and afraid to speak up when in exile.

“'Cause the nights don't last And we leave alone Will you drive me back? Can you take me home? (To the drums of the city rain)”

Following up that last paragraph, this is still in flashback. The days end and dream leaves again, making tommy alone. He asks if he can go back, if he can see home and lmanberg and everyone. But echoing the “to the drums of the city rain” after home CAN imply that “home” has become logstedshire WITH DREAM even tho it keeps him up and aaAAAAAHHHH

I swear this ends up okay and techno + tommy focused fjkdsljf

“Faces I don't know I am tired in the glow”

He feels isolated from everyone during his exile and lashes out at those who visit, to the point he feels like they’re all more or less strangers and “faces he doesn’t know”. Being tired in the glow is, imo, him over the lava.

“Of the freezing club Keep me breathing Don't make the lights come back Can you take me home? We all need this When we leave alone”

Hhhngg okay so tommy breakdown time! Hes in techno’s house (the freezing club) and is just pleading for techno to help. Don’t let “the lights come back” (lava again maybe? He doesn’t want to be Like This?) and just wants to feel like hes at home because hes just left exile and hes Messed Up Over It

“Remember when you and I would make things up? So many nights, just take me down To the place we can hear them play I miss that sound 'Cause now we don't sing so loud To the drums of the city rain”

OKAY SO THEY MAY NOT BE CANON FAMILY BUT WILBUR REMEMBERS SPARRING W TECHNO AS A KID AND PHIL IS HIS CLOSE FRIEND SO THEY STILL KNEW EACH OTHER AS KIDS SO SHUSH FJSDKL. Tommy just wants things to go back to how they were, before everything. When things were easy and they were kids just having fun. He misses it. Before exile, before lmanberg, before dream. But it doesn’t matter, because they’re stuck in this now. With his brother dead and his closest friend being the man who killed his best friend and helped blow up his country. Again, the drums of the city rain is dream. Because of his influence, its all different.

Hhhngngngn this is too long so I wont go into the last outro bc you can interpret it a LOT of ways, esp depending on how you want to Pace this song w the exile arc. But like. The analysis is THERE if you really wanna push it/animatic it babeyyy

#dream smp #mcyt #tommyinnit #exile arc #HHHHNG IM SORRY THIS IS SO LATE JFKLDSJ #I PROMISED MYSELF ID FINISH THIS ASK GAME UP AND WOULDNT GO IN DEPTH AS MUCH THEN DID EXACTLY THAT W THREE SONGS JFKDSL #tommy #answered #song ask game #listen the last song is a LIL bit of a stretch but its my playlist i get to put in the not depressing song fjdkls #Anonymous

10 notes · View notes

anticatradoraofficial · 4 years

Text

the-optimist-hoper-dreamer replied to your post “The show decided to incorporate tough themes like abuse and war, which...”

This is my post and I kind of just wanted to explain even further what I meant. What I’m trying to get at is that the villains’ portrayal is equivalent to just showing them as regular people. The audience looks at these ppl like they’re just victims of abuse. But they’re not. Hordak is a tyrant and a war criminal. Catra is a war criminal. Shadow weaver is a war criminal. Remember when Bow’s dad stated, “When I came home, there was nothing left of my village but ash.” This was after the first Princess Allegiance tried to take Hordak down. We are completely missing the full impact of the war on an average citizen. It’s completely glossed over, it’s mentioned but it’s not shown. Also, we as an audience don’t see the full affect of the Horde because after every fight, there’s no holy shit that was so scary. Or oh my gosh, we could have died. Or I can’t believe Catra did that. The people who experience these traumatic experiences don’t digest these scary/traumatic experiences on screen. After a traumatic experience, it’s back to happy fun moments. However, for the villains, we do see the villains digesting their trauma, for example, when Catra keeps having her mental breakdowns. But we don’t see any of the princesses having mental breakdowns, especially Glimmer after losing her mother. We don’t see Adora by herself getting angry with Catra. We just see Hordak, or Catra, or Shadow Weaver getting upset by themselves. So ppl pity them. The show forgets about showing the victims processing their trauma and that is dangerous. It’s completely one-sided. That’s what I’m trying to get at. Also, it's important to put these characters in context of the real-world. I know that there are some people who are giving these characters free passes based on how they've been treated. But they still murdered/attempted to murder ppl? That's pretty important to keep in mind. I don't think we'd forgive these ppl in real life. That would be reallyyyyy messed up.

Thank you for sharing your perspective with us! I completely agree, and I generally feel like this is why so many people sympathize with Catra rather than feel negative feelings toward her; because the whole show focuses more on her hardships rather than the pain and suffering she’s caused to other people. I bet if we saw the show from the perspective of some of the victims, or if we saw the main characters suffer more from the pain that Catra has caused (i.e. Adora developing PTSD flashbacks from stuff Catra said and did to her, or Glimmer going through more depression over the loss of her mom rather than goofing around with Catra in S5 - which would have been more realistic), I bet the fandom would generally feel different toward her... I think it’s hard for the fandom to take all of Catra’s negative actions seriously though, because the BFS loves her now, and everyone forgave her so easily...

#replies

29 notes · View notes