#or at least need a higher dosage of anxiety meds

[shadowslocked]

Honestly everything I hear about the admin situation sounds like Quackity going “this seems like a good idea” and then it’s revealed that it probably was not the best idea

#qsmp #qsmp neg #qsmp situation #guy wants to be hands off with the server? #terrible management tears it’s head and he gets robbed #he leaves social media (when exactly I’m unsure) #but it cuts him off from being contacted through said media #he doesn’t want to get peoples hopes up and avoid info being leaked that could make things worse in the fandom? #swings into the opposite problem where his lack of communication is hurting his employees #the Studio likely needs a way to start funding itself #the only new merch he has to offer is of the eggs #I feel for the guy #I’d be having a mental break down if I was in his position #or at least need a higher dosage of anxiety meds #it’s not too surprising though #trying to solve problems sometimes means you end up making questionable or hurtful decisions #I wasn’t ever expecting this to be a solved without another problem(s) coming up

[scientia-rex]

Hello, I appreciate your medical posts very much and having seen a post the other day where you said migraine was in your areas of special interest, I'd love to ask a related question. You talk about bodies and medicine and patient experience etc in a way that makes a lot of sense to me and I'd trust your take.

I have chronic migraine. I'm currently at 100% pain days, with varying severity. Very hard to pin down what is prodrome, the main event, and postdrome as it's all blurred into one. My migraine team want me to reduce painkiller usage (currently dihydrocodeine and paracetamol daily, and ibuprofen maybe every other day on top) due to rebound headache. I want to cut down because they're fucking expensive and I'm scared for my liver and kidneys. But I literally can't cope with life without them. I went off them for four months a few years ago and the pain was so severe and so debilitating I was the most suicidal I've been in my life. Without painkillers I can't get to the toilet unaided, rarely leave bed, even more rare to leave the house. It's hell. And that's not even considering the effects on everyone around me who has to pick up to care for me.

So what do I do? The way I see things, I need something to help the pain improve before I can use less painkillers, but the longer I go on trying to find something that works and not getting there, the more I think maybe I'm wrong in that. I know a bit about how codeine based painkillers can reduce your pain tolerance / pain baseline. I don't think it's an addiction issue because I've been at the same (over the counter) dosages for 4 years now. I just want to do all that I can to be better, but I also need to be alive to be better. I am stuck.

TL;DR - If you have any thoughts on the relationship between chronic migraine, painkiller use, preserving quality of life while finding a treatment, and increasing the chances of a treatment working, and where on earth the balance between all that lies, I'd really like to hear them.

Again, I absolutely appreciate if you can't answer this, don't want to etc. Giving advice online is notoriously tricky and all that. But a big thank you for your time in reading, and all your weight and exercise posts especially which make me feel so much better about my body. Wishing you all good things! 💖

I won't speak to your case directly, since I'm not your doctor, but here is my personal algorithm for escalating treatments for migraine (note that "abortives" in this case means something you take after a migraine starts to try to end it, while "prophylactic" means a daily treatment you take to reduce likelihood of developing a migraine):

-OTC combination of magnesium, feverfew, and butterbur, taken daily

-Triptans (insurance will usually demand patients fail at least 3 to cover a more expensive treatment)

-High-dose NSAIDs (as abortive treatment given risk of rebound headaches if used daily)

-Daily topiramate (insurance will always demand this is either failed or there's a clear contraindication)

-Daily calcium channel blockers

-Daily beta blockers (higher dose than used for anxiety or low-grade arrhythmias)

-Daily anti-epileptic medications (such as Lamictal)

-Monthly anti-CGRP monoclonal antibody injections (Aimovig or Ajovy; expensive so insurance will demand you've failed some or all of the previous meds)

-Abortive anti-CGRP orals (Nurtec or Ubrelvy)

-Abortive ergotamine, usually Migranal, a nasal spray (very expensive and must be repeated 15 minutes after initial dose regardless of whether symptoms are improving or not)

-Prophylactic Botox (I believe this is every 3 months, must be done in the office of a trained and licensed professional, usually but not always a Neurology provider)

-Sphenopalatine ganglion blocks (done by dripping lidocaine far back into the sinuses to reach the sphenopalatine ganglion, again in the office of a trained and licensed professional)

-Cephaly (transcranial magnetic stimulation at-home device), expensive so insurance hates covering it

Now, one of my newer tools, and my current personal favorite, is a greater occipital nerve block--easy and fast, low risk, and I've had about 90% success with my patients in aborting current headaches. Effects seem to last 3-4 weeks in most cases and since it's straight lidocaine (you don't have to include steroids, though you can) you can do it as often as needed. I generally do this in my office, but I did train one patient's spouse to do it at home given how frequent their headaches. The pharmacy lost their fucking mind about letting an outpatient have lidocaine. I don't know why.

I currently manage my pretty awful chronic migraines with a combination of monthly Aimovig, as-needed Excedrin (the combination of caffeine, Tylenol aka paracetamol, and aspirin is effective for many people but is a real risk for causing medication overuse headaches, the more official term for bounce-back), as-needed Ubrelvy (I can sleep after taking Ubrelvy but not Excedrin so it's a good option), and roughly monthly greater occipital nerve blocks (I teach my trainees to do it using myself as a subject). I wouldn't mind trying the Botox but it's a PITA to get in to see our only local Neurology provider and since my migraines are relatively well-controlled (probably 1-2 headache days a week right now) I don't think it's worth the effort.

I also really got a lot out of this lecture, so give it a try.

#the attending dr. kristophine #migraines

[fearecia]

Ah yes, the incompetence of the medical field.

See the PCP to try and get appropriate referrals because I really need one person managing my HRT and hashimotos, since the former directly affects med dosages of the latter. I also want to try and get a handle on the constant inflammation issues that are most likely not related to the hashimotos.

Doc is running behind. No one gets a medication update from me. Manage endo referral and get inflammation panel ordered, but get rushed back out of office without half the things on my list addressed.

Doc runs blood work. Blood sugar comes back a little elevated, cholesterol is completely whacked, WBC count is, as usual, nicely elevated, and inflammation makers are pissed off as expected.

I get a call stating that they are all concerned about the blood sugar and the cholesterol. Want to repeat labs in a week. Oh, and they ordered an A1C.

Bitch, I'm on accutane. That shit fucks your cholesterol. I also have needle poke anxiety, so the blood sugar always spikes. Chill. It's fine. Please redo my T labs because they came back stupid high, and it's probably because I had applied the gel maybe an hour before having blood drawn.

A1C comes back pre-diabetic. Huh. That's odd. I'm usually really darn good on that one. Oh hey, look at this. Turns out that accutane will raise your A1C noticeably around the 5 month mark (hi, that's where we're at). Well that makes sense. Cool.

Repeated CBC comes back with yet further elevated WBC. Surprise surprise.

Get a call from the assistant. "You're in pre-diabetic levels. Doc wants you to eat a low carb diet and we'll recheck in 3 months."

"I'm on accutane. It will raise the A1C. Yeah, sure, we'll redo labs. Whatever."

Bitch, I've been on a low carb diet for at least the last 5 years. Like, cool it. And maybe have half a brain. If you'd bother to look at the previous recorded result, you'd see that I'm usually golden. Also maybe look at things a bit more holistically? Like, I'm losing weight, for gods' sakes. Did you bother to notice that I weigh less than last time you saw me? Did ya? Nah. Didn't think so.

I'll let you run labs in 6 months. One, because I probably have another month of accutane left. Two, the A1C reflects the last three months of blood sugar, so we need to give my body time to recover. Three, because chronic inflammation also affects all that shit, and my body needs time to calm down.

Also, how about you address the elevated WBC and inflammation markers like I asked you to? HMMMMMM?

All this followed by an automated email from planned Parenthood stating that my hormone levels came back high and they want a SHBG run.

We ran the SHBG alongside the testosterone. 🤦

And yes, the second round of T labs did come back lower, but still higher than I was expecting. Combined with the SHBG, things are a little high, but we'll adjust and be fine.

Nothing like having to educate and manage your own damn doctors. Constantly. And nothing like having to wrangle referrals from said doctors because you need specialists for your care, and said specialists won't take new patients without said referrals.

I'm annoyed and bitching. Because chronic health conditions also means chronic doctor management. And I'm tired of it.

#chronic health issues #hashimotos #accutane #side effects #stupid doctors #ranting #chronic pain

[taurusvenusprincess]

An update on my meds: the SSRI I started taking in the beginning of June (Prozac) did not work. My doctor prescribed a mood stabilizer (Lamictal) which has kind of been working but I think I need a higher dosage which she said might happen.

I’m happy I’m on a med that’s at least doing something but she said if this one works better than the anti-depressants, (which it has been) that she thinks I have Bipolar I. This would be on top of the borderline, the major depressive, and social anxiety disorders.

So yea, there’s that.

#med management has basically been a confirmation that I’m crazy #at least there’s names for what I’m dealing with I guess #I’m so fucking tired of everything #thoughts #bpd #mdd #sad #bpd I

[wilamoo]

Positive life update 31.10.22

Hey!! I can’t believe im doing this right now, but I’m actually doing so good right now. So, to keep a long story short; me and my girlfriend broke up at the beginning of the year, it was very hard and I probably cried more than I slept for the time being. I had to move back to my parents & I picked myself up and built myself back together. A few months passed and I meet the sweetest guy I have ever laid my eyes on. We come from very different backgrounds, but we go together so well! We’ve soon been together for 8 months, which is absolutely insane, but to be honest I’d not like it any other way, he has been such a massive support for me and always stays strong with and for me. In May i started working as a cashier at a grocery store, but sadly enough in July I started getting severe panic attacks at work and I’ve been laid off ever since, on sick leave. My boyfriend also left for the military in July, and it’s been tough doing long distance but I’m super lucky to get to see him pretty frequently still. He’ll be done before christmas and I’m stoked!! We’re probably moving in together once we get some financial stability. I’ve been going to a psychiatric nurse every 2 weeks to figure out what’s happening in my head. They prescribed me with Diazepam for my panic attacks and also swapped my depression meds from Escitalopram to Sertraline, so far I can tell the Sertraline is working way better for me, but I probably need a higher dosage. I also have had struggles with sleeping so I got some sleeping meds to get some kind of rest at least. My head does run nonstop to be honest, but I’m getting it sorted. They’re suspecting I might have ADD, but further tests haven’t been done yet as anxiety and ADHD symptoms do overlap a lot. I’m still living with my parents and trying to get by day by day, I do plan on studying something once I get my mental sorted. My depression took away my joy for gaming and I was so tired of fighting with my 6 year old gaming laptop, I would have a breakdown everytime I tried to game. My boyfriend who is the kindest soul on earth let me borrow his awesome gamer set up for the time he’s in the military and I finally see and feel myself get myself together. My parents are getting me an early birthday gift and buying me an actual PC! I can’t wait to get back into WoW and really customize the heck out of my stuff<33 I’ve made a lot of new friends through my boyfriend, and also through gaming and just being a social butterfly online. I’m so glad I’ve been able to turn over a new leaf and actually feel like I’m living to my fullest at the moment. Cya soon, - Wil♥

#life update #life

[fitgothgirl]

Sorry in advance for a long, depressive, non-fitness post (I hope my “keep reading” works, I always forget how it works on different devices and whatnot).

Well, I tried to call a couple of psychologists I got from my insurance website. One of them said her practice was full (despite being listed as taking new patients), and the other two phone numbers didn't even work... I got frustrated quickly and just called the community non-profit counseling center I've been to before (graduate students doing counseling under a psychologist supervisor). I've been wanting an actual psychologist since my problems are so chronic and tangled, but it's better than nothing and good for some acute care. They have a sliding scale but it's still slightly more expensive than my insurance copay, but it's easy/familiar to me at least. But they called me back and said it's a month-long waitlist right now... I put myself down for that but I'm annoyed at waiting a month to only see a graduate student at a higher cost. So in the meantime, I will try to find more psychologists to call around to. I know everything with healthcare, physical or mental, is super full right now though...

I also wanted to find a new psychiatrist but I got discouraged by my insurance website since it's obviously not a good guide, so I just called my current psychiatrist and made a phone appointment for next week. I know it'll only be like 10 minutes with the nurse practitioner but whatever. I'm guessing they're just going to up my dosage since I'm on the lowest dose, which is kind of what I'm hoping for anyway. It was so helpful at first and then just wore off... So I like the idea of upping the dosage since it will help me right now, but I also worry about getting into a cycle of it wearing off and then upping the dosage more and more. Does that happen? I've read that if you feel better right away from an antidepressant, but it wears off after a couple months, it may be that it was just a side effect from starting the medication and it wasn't the medication itself in the way it's supposed to work. So who knows, Effexor might not even be right for me like I thought. I honestly felt so good that it seemed good to be true anyway... But if the dosage gets raised and I can get some temporary happiness for a month or two in order to help me get through a really bad episode and find a therapist and a new psychiatrist, then that's worth it. I’m at the point again where I’m just grasping for anything.

But yeah, either way I'm stuck for now. Can't get therapy any time soon, can't adjust my meds for another week. I was back at work today after my mental health day yesterday but felt just as shitty as ever and got easily overwhelmed by basically nothing. I wish mental health days actually helped me feel better. I'm glad I did what I needed to do yesterday with pursuing help, but otherwise, calling out of work for depression doesn't really do anything for me except help me avoid life. And then surprise surprise, I have to go back and am in the same position. And my anxiety was so bad today too; that’s not usually as much of a problem for me as depression. At work I felt like I couldn’t get a good breath and I was nauseated and everything was just way too much. For a few minutes I flushed and then suddenly got cold and shaky and dizzy and almost had a panic attack; when I flushed I wanted to go outside for air but it was smoky from wildfires and a lot worse than the indoor air (the state of the world is NOT helping my depression/anxiety...), so I just stayed at my desk. I was trying to figure how to ask to leave work just 45 minutes early which felt ridiculous. But I was able to calm down and wait it out. I’ve been home for a few hours now and have had a couple drinks, which is the norm for me the last two weeks. I just don’t want to be sober lately. (TW, dark stuff ahead) And oh my GOD am I getting bad urges to go back to old self harm habits the last couple weeks. My skin is just screaming for it lately. I’m just getting constant intrusive thoughts of “i wanna die i wanna cut i wanna die i wanna cut” and I can’t turn it off.

Anyway I’m sorry if you’ve made it this far lol. This isn’t supposed to be a depressive blog... I just need to get it out somehow. Especially since I can’t get into therapy!

#mine #depression #anxiety #mental health #mental illness #antidepressants #meds #effexor #therapy #depresjon #depreshun #self harm #self h4rm #8/18/21

[stonertransdad]

Life Update since I hadn't been on here in forever

The pandemic was/is wild! Lockdowns started literally around the time we were going to the fertility specialist to get her pregnant. I lost my job to COVID in March shortly before we did the procedure, but we decided there's never really a good time to have a kid. Why not during a global pandemic when one of us in unemployed? (BTW, I don't recommend having a kid during a pandemic. Not being able to go to all of the appointments and having to sit in the parking lot was brutal.)

Let's talk about May friends...it was rough. (TW for mention of suicide btw. I'll post a gif where it's safe to start again if you wanna skip over it.)

So May 1st is the anniversary of my father's suicide. It had been 4 years. I found his body and since he wasn't married, I had to handle his affairs and arrange his funeral. May 1st, 2020 my wife and I had a Zoom game night with our friends and I got drunk because everyone was drinking (except my wife because she was pregnant). After our game night at like 2am, I had a psychotic break. I threatened to kill myself numerous times. My wife tried to talk me down, but eventually called the cops to take me. I thank her for that because looking back, that was the moment I knew something needed to change. I was convinced the cops were gonna kill me because I'm a trans dude in rural West Texas. I legit took the phone out of my wife's hand, hung up on 911, and yeeted her phone across the backyard and tried to hop the fence. Eventually the cops came and talked me down. They took me to the hospital an hour away in handcuffs (for their protection I did nothing wrong). They took me to the religious hospital that I was born in. So when they looked up my info by my name and date of birth from my driver's license (I only changed my middle name) literally all my paperwork and my bracelet had my deadname and wrong gender despite all of my legal stuff saying male with my new middle name. I mentioned it to them and they didn't care. They misgendered me the entire time I was there. I had hit my head hella hard on the bath tub when my wife was trying to snap me out of it, did the hospital even check me for concussion? Nope. I had punched so many things and my hand and wrist were swollen and discolored. Did they check out my hand and wrist? Nope. I was there for over 10 hours before I was able to convince them I was okay and that it was just the alcohol. Did I mention during that 10 hours I was literally out in the hall on a gurney with no mask and this was when COVID was running rampant in Texas (the first time)? I heard people die that night. I had nothing to distract me because they took away all of my personal items and clothes. My wife picked me up and we went home and I have been sober ever since. It's not the first psychotic break I've had with alcohol in my system. Alcohol just doesn't agree with me, but I'm finding new things to replace it with.

TW has been lifted...it's safe now.

A couple of weeks after that I began teletherapy because I had been on the same mood stabilizer and anti-depressant for almost a decade. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense that I felt like it hadn't been working for at least a year. This is a reminder to check in with your doctor if you feel like your meds aren't working. You may just need a different dose or a new med. There's no shame in that. I bounced around on various medications trying to find the right combo, some side effects scarier than others, but we got there. Before this, I had been diagnosed with ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My therapist threw out my Borderline diagnosis and said it was CPTSD instead, which made sense.

Fast forward to December because my wife was pregnant, I was unemployed still, and we did absolutely fuck-all because the global panini was still raging.

Our son was born on December 3, 2020. He weighed 5lbs 9oz and scared the ever loving shit out of us. He wasn't breathing when he was born so they called NICU in ASAP. I'm freaking out because I can hear and see what's going on while my wife was asking if he was okay as they put her guts back in place to sew her up. 5 or so minutes pass and a nurse asks if I want her to take some pictures. I'm like is he okay, he still hasn't cried. She's like "oh yeah, he's chillin." This goon was being held by a nurse and was just looking around not crying or anything. Chillest baby ever (he still is btw). I held him next to my wife's head until it was time to go back to the room. Little dude did have to spend 4 nights in the NICU because he couldn't keep his sugars or temperature regulated, but he was healthy otherwise. He's now 4 months old and is starting to sit up on his own a little bit and he's OBSESSED with standing. He's still a little guy, but very healthy and growing like a weed. He saves my life daily.

So after being unemployed for over 9 months, I started a new job working in a call center. I absolutely hate talking on the phone. It gives me anxiety and throws me into panic attacks, but I had been putting out hundreds of job applications since I lost my last job and this was the first offer I got. I wasn't really in a position to turn it down since my unemployment had ran out 2 months prior. It was 2 months of training, then we'd be on our own. I got thru the training and thought I could handle it...until they started putting us on live calls with someone helping us if we got stuck. My mental health hit the lowest point it had in a few years and my wife was terrified she was going to lose me. She convinced me to quit on February 28th (not because I didn't want to, but because I'm a stubborn ass who felt guilty). My meds got tweaked a little bit more dosage wise during this mess.

Starting about mid-February, I was experiencing severe shakiness, tremors, and spasms. I've always been a shaky person and never really thought too much about it, but at some points I could barely feed myself, or get a drink, or hold my son. On March 7th, I tried to make an appointment with my doctor about the weird symptoms I was experiencing, but she was out of town and her next opening wasn't until the 31st. My body said that won't work and my wife rushed me to the ER on the 9th...I had begun having seizures that day. I had no previous history of seizures. Got to the ER and had a seizure literally as I was walking thru the door, so they rushed me straight back. They took some blood and that was literally it. No MRI. No CT. They pumped me full of Ativan and said it was just a panic attack and to go home and chill.

Spoiler Alert: It wasn't just anxiety. I was having 20+ seizures a day. On the 10th, my wife rushed me to a different hospital...the good hospital over an hour away. First we had to drop off our gremlin with my mom to make things a little easier. Yet again, I had a seizure as I walked in the door and was taken back immediately. I don't really remember much because they kept pumping me full of Ativan and morphine because I had been in excruciating pain from the number of seizures I'd had. I do remember them doing a CT pretty quickly after I got there. Then they weren't happy with the results of the CT, so they took me to get an MRI, which showed possible signs of Multiple Sclerosis (but I didn't find that out until AFTER the notes showed up in my patient portal after being home a few days, so I raised hell...more on that later.) They did a 24 hour EEG on me and it showed nothing abnormal. Also, EEG glue is a bitch on your hair and scalp. After looking at everything and given my previous mental health history, they diagnosed me with Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures, or PNES. It is a subset of Functional Neurologic Disorder, or FND. I couldn't walk well anymore and had to use a walker when I was discharged. I was in the hospital for 3 days.

When I had my follow-up appointment on the 23rd, I asked why the possibility of MS was never mentioned to me since it was very clearly in the notes. The doctor didn't have an explanation. He called in a referral to neurology so I could get a 2nd MRI to confirm MS and marked it as high priority. He also didn't take my pain seriously. My pain levels had been at a 5 or higher every single minute since they took me off of the morphine in the hospital. He told me to keep taking prescription strength doses of ibuprofen and Tylenol, which I had been. I let him know I had been and it didn't even take the edge off the pain. He ignored me. Leading up to this appointment, I had also added urinary incontinence to my growing list of symptoms and was forced to wear diapers so I didn't have to do laundry all the time. The doctor also took me off my ADHD meds because they were lowering my seizure threshold. He also took me off of my sleeping meds and nightmare meds for the same reason I'm assuming.

I kept my appointment on the 31st with my primary doctor because she's been my doctor for 5 years now and I knew she'd take my pain seriously. She did. She immediately wrote me prescriptions for a muscle relaxer and Tylenol 4. She also told me that my referral had been rejected by neuro. She said my case wasn't a good one for what she called a "wallet biopsy" and the doctors in neurology could be real assholes. She immediately sent the referral to other locations to get an approval. I am still waiting on that despite it being marked as high priority. She wrote me a prescription for a wheelchair because we both agreed my wheelchair was not enough for particular days.

Yesterday my wheelchair was finally ready for pickup, so my wife drove me to go get it. I'm still unable to drive due to my seizures and my tremors and twitches as it's predominantly in my legs and arms. I am an ambulatory wheelchair user now. Some days I can go short distances without my walker, some days I can't go without my walker, some days I can't even get out of bed, and some days I will be using my wheelchair. Don't judge a book by its cover, not all disabilities are visible. I have managed to keep my daily seizure count down in single digits and have even had a few seizure free days. They are still incredibly taxing on my body. I feel like I can't ever replenish my spoons fast enough to keep up with anything in my life.

So all in all, life has been chaotic. We are moving from Texas to New Mexico in the next few weeks, which should be interesting considering I can't overdo it without throwing myself into seizures. We will be closer to my mother-in-law so she can help us with our son and I can start resting a bit more on the more difficult days. Being a stay-at-home dad with an invisible illness has been one of the most challenging things I've done in my life, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

Sorry this is so long. I just wanted to update my followers since it's been over a year since I posted before a few days ago.

#actuallydisabled #transgender #physical disability #chronic fatigue #disabled #disability #pnes #Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures #multiple sclerosis #trans #ftm #fatherhood #stayathomedad #lgbtq #seizure disorder #mobility aid #wheelchair #tw #spoonie #transparent #chronic illness #seizures #walker #anxiety #depression #cptsd #ptsd #cripplepunk #fnd #functional neurological disorder

[duchessofostergotlands]

Hi, jess! A couple of months ago I sent you an ask about a reality tv show (the farm) and a participant who has bpd (she didn’t win the 1 million price, btw - but she was so happy when she found out that a good portion of the public supported her, specially women ❤️ she’s famous because of only fans and most of her followers on social media, before her participation on the show, were men. So she said she was happy to see so many women supporting and following her now). Anyway while watching the show, I realized many of her behaviors were so similar to mine. Then my mom and sister, who live with me, told me they noticed that too. I decided to ask my psychiatrist and psychologist (I’ve been dealing with depression for the past 10 years), but both didn’t give it much credit. At the time I agreed with them - they said I probably don’t have bpd because the behaviors I was describing only happens when I’m home, with people I trust. I’m very “controlled” when I’m with other people, including my dad (who hasn’t lived with me since I was a kid). The point is, I’m ALWAYS making a huge effort trying to control myself in public - it’s exhausting and I believe it’s one of the reasons I tend to isolate myself. I think I’ve actually learned to camouflage my feelings and to avoid things that trigger me. I used to be more “uncontrolled” as a kid, before I created this deep rooted fear that people’d leave me because of these behaviors and reactions. Do you think it’s possible to camouflage some of bpd’s symptoms? And, if so, do you have any tips on how I could talk to my psychiatrist and psychologist about it? —— I didn’t want to make this ask any longer than it already is, but one of my childhood friends was recently diagnosed with autism. We don’t talk much nowadays, but she messaged me last month to tell me about her diagnosis and to ask if I felt I had some of the same treats - thinking retrospectively, we were very alike. It made a lot of sense and I remembered you said sth about bpd and autism sharing some similarities in some aspects of how the brain works. She also told me about recent studies showing the underreported diagnosis in women. My psychiatrist and psychologist also dismissed it, because I don’t avoid eye contact and have friends. I’m really confused right now, but it’s also kinda relieving to get to know myself a bit more and to think that the struggle I’ve felt my whole life is real. (Sorry for the long text!)

Hey :) Sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you. Just like to be able to dedicate a bit of time to longer messages like this and I rarely have the attention span for it! But of course I remember the conversation, it was really interesting to hear about what the contestant went through. 

So yes, BPD and autism are often misdiagnosed as each other as there are similar traits that are often found. Usually around attractions to patterns and structure and also around empathy. Like I don’t generally feel empathy for people in the same way most people do. I’d say unless you’re a close friend or family member - or maybe if you’re a child - I probably wouldn’t feel empathy towards you. I generally make decisions about moral standpoints and such based on what logically makes sense to me rather than any kind of emotional connection because I just don’t really feel that. I think the reasons autistic people may sometimes struggle with empathy are different but to an external person would seem very similar so can often be confused. 

To address your two points that made you unsure about the diagnoses, BPD is definitely highly interpersonal so it can change drastically depending on who you’re with. I can be friends with someone for quite a while and they have no idea but if I’m in a romantic or physical relationship with someone they’ll know within a few days. Romantic relationships are my personal trigger so they’re where I struggle the most. Then in terms of autism, lack of eye contact doesn’t really mean anything. I think that’s a common misconception people have but two of my cousins are autistic and they were both very outgoing and friendly, they were incredibly tactile, I didn’t notice them not looking me in the eye but I probably don’t look people in the eye much because that feels weird haha. Women in particular are not well studied when it comes to autism as you kind of mentioned. They are generally better at “masking” and so are often misdiagnosed or their condition isn’t picked up until well into adulthood. So even if you have friends and can look people in the eye it wouldn’t necessarily mean you wouldn’t fit the criteria. 

I wouldn’t want to diagnose you with anything myself as I’m not a professional and I don’t know you personally. The DSM outlines the criteria for being diagnosed with BPD. You have to demonstrate at least five of the following and as with all mental illnesses they have to cause a significant impact on your ability to carry out your responsibilities and go through daily life:

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events (e.g., intense episodic sadness, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

Identity disturbance with markedly or persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

Impulsive behavior in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

Pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes between idealization and devaluation (also known as "splitting")

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-harming behavior

Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

Those are the criteria that would most likely be used to assess you. In the UK we can be diagnosed with depression and anxiety by a GP but have to go to a psychiatrist or psychologist to get a PD diagnosis. It sounds like you’ve already been in contact with them. I’m not too sure how it works where you are. Can you get a second opinion? Are there other doctors you could make an appointment with? Could you go private? I’m very aware of the fact that having the NHS in the UK means that my experiences are not applicable to everyone’s circumstances but for me when I first went to get help I was given meds and a depression and anxiety diagnosis and sent on my way. When that didn’t help I went back and got a higher dosage. And then it still didn’t help and finally I was kind of at rock bottom (or I thought so at the time) and needed help and so what I did on that occasion was have a friend accompany me into the room. They had created a list of things they’d seen me do or heard about me doing that were concerning to them and gave them to the doctor, and they kind of backed me up and gave me moral support. It shouldn’t have taken someone else being in the room for me to be taken seriously but having someone there who could express what I might have been too shy or self conscious to say was really helpful. In the end I got referred for treatment and it wasn’t right for me ultimately as my problems were more complex but it helped for a bit. I don’t know if there’s anyone in your life you trust to be able to be there to support you but I think it can be really intimidating to push back with doctors and professionals and having someone there who knows you and cares about you can be the thing that gives you that extra bit of courage you need. 

I’m not sure how helpful that is but I’m available if you want to ask me any questions about BPD or any explanations of how I experience the symptoms or anything like that :) 

#ask #anon #non royal #mental health #mental illness #actually bpd #actually borderline #bpd #borderline personality disorder

[theslightlyaggressiveaffirmer]

Here’s what happened with my pupper

(CW: animal death)

Hi y’all. I feel like I’m ready. I came here twice already to try, and I realised I was not OK both times. But I haven’t really been able to talk about this and so I just want to get it all written down, in a linear way, to process it properly for me. And then I’ll feel lighter and be able to go back to Affirming others.

Plus my best friend will be able to read it and I won’t have to tell her this story verbally, which might be hard. (Hey dude!)

At first I was on a 5+ daily cry, then like 3, then 1 and now none at all, usually.

So...

My girl Peachy had a chronic condition that she was being treated for and she was doing OK. She had a good quality of life, she was on her daily medication and you wouldn’t know she was sick if we didn’t tell you. The only symptom left was her increased appetite, basically.

But there were a few signs things were getting worse, so the vet doubled her dose of daily meds. I asked if that would be OK, if there were any risks.

She told me NO. (Points at which Peach’s life could have been saved: 1)

At the same time as we gave Peachy this increased dose, we also switched her over to a new diet food, because she was so overweight. I would NOT HAVE DONE THIS if I knew the increased dosage had potential side effects because changing 2 things at once makes it hard to tell what is causing new symptoms. But since there was apparently no risk, I went ahead and changed food as advised. (Point at which Peach’s life could have been saved: 2)

Peachy went from being hungry all the time to not wanting to eat. We assumed it was because she didn’t like the food. She ate it and threw up a few times. I tried to encourage her to eat it by mixing it with other things to get her used to it. I was not on the lookout for side-effects like appetite loss or throwing up - if I had been, I would have acted on them.

We did take her to the vet because we were worried about the throwing up. She stayed in for the day and the vet ran some tests. The vet felt the results suggested reduced kidney function, but she was fine in the short term and not to worry and gave her some tablets for the nausea. But fine - in the short term. (Points at which Peach’s life could have been saved: 3 (vet’s lack of action) and 4 (vet’s advice))

The following night, I noticed Peachy shaking. She used to do that sometimes out of anxiety. Tried to calm her down, and it was a little better. Agreed with my mother that, seeing as the vet said there was nothing to really worry about, we’d see how she was the next morning.

The next morning she was not good. Still shaking. Vomiting again. I called the only vet open on Saturdays (not her usual one) and though they were about to close, they told me to send them a copy of her bloodtests from two days earlier and what her symptoms were. Their vet called me back and said, essentially “You need to take that dog to the emergency vet immediately.” He said she ought to have been put on fluids immediately after her blood test results arrived. He didn’t understand how her usual vet had sent her home with those numbers.

We took her to emergency. They kept her overnight. She did not respond to treatment. I asked them “Tell me the truth - if she had been treated for this on the Thursday, would that have made a difference?”

Yes. It would likely have saved her life.

We had her home for two days before the end came. When it was time to say goodbye, I did not take her to the old vet. I took her to the place that had been so helpful to me and taken my phonecall and given me advice when they were already closing for the day. We will never go to the old place again. I can’t understand how this vet failed SO catastrophically FOUR TIMES because she’s always been so good before. But:

1. She told me there was no risk/no side effects to the medication change. I now know that there is a well-known risk of kidney failure. If I had known this, I’d have either not done it, or at least been on the alert for the symptoms.

2. She had me change the dog’s diet at the same time as changing her medication, despite my reservations, assuring me it was fine because the medication was just an increase and therefore there’d be no new issues. So when there were symptoms of the kidney failure from the higher dosage, I assumed it was the food that was the problem and this delayed treatment by a whole week.

3. Every other vet who saw that blood test result said they would have put that dog on fluids immediately. They are all baffled as to how a competent vet could send an animal home with such obvious signs of acute kidney failure.

4. As well as not treating the kidney failure, she told us there was no short term risk and Peach was fine. So when we saw the shaking, we decided to wait and see on that, because we had no idea it could be serious. Delaying treatment yet another night.

In conclusion: Our vet killed my dog. My mother is really holding onto the whole “Well, she was old and chronically ill and it was just her time” narrative and that’s what she needs to believe in order to cope and to grieve and I respect that.

But it does mean that I can’t talk about my grief, and my pain and my anger. I did half of a vet-nursing course so all the talking to vets is left to me because I understand all the language. So... my mum wasn’t there. She didn’t hear what I heard. But one of them straight up told me, the increase in medication dosage caused the illness. The increase I was told had no side effects or risks.

So... on the positive side, I’m really able to say that I’m not experiencing guilt any more. I don’t feel like I’M responsible for what happened. I acted on the advice I was given and did the best that I could with what an expert told me. It is the fault of the supposed expert who did the wrong thing, REPEATEDLY.

Anyway, it was REALLY traumatic. Like, losing my dog is one thing. Losing her during a really hellishly stressful time is even worse. But the fact that the person I trusted to care for her and her health failed her like this was just such a blow that really shook me up so badly. 

But you know... it feels good to have gotten all that out and off my chest. Back to affirming some time in the near future.

Hope you are all safe and well. Love yourselves and be self care polar bears during this very difficult time.

#no idea #personal

[daveword1]

Three years ago I was in a serious wreck that wasn’t my fault. It resulted in three horrible back surgeries that culminated with a 12 level fusion with rods and screws. I’ve been on narcotic pain meds the whole time. I’m finally experiencing exponential improvement. The struggle ahead now is getting off the narcotics.

I’ve been through this a number of times before with over 20 abdominal surgeries over a 37 year span of time. The older I get the harder it is to kick the pills. I’m 100% dependent on them now. I intend to chronicle the journey here.

The first thing it takes is an acceptance that some uncomfortable times lay ahead. Bouts of radical anxiety and insomnia. Mental toughness is called for along with the knowledge it won’t be fatal but there might be times I’ll wish I no longer existed. My goal however is to be free of narcotics within three months. At my age (67) it’s dangerous in Covid times as narcotics impair the immune system.

I’ll be updating this blog religiously and rereading my entries to affirm my commitment. I’m open to any advice or comments along the way.

Installment Two...

I picked up a script for valium yesterday and had my first night in forever without a pain pill. Only had two pain pills this morning instead of usual three. Went five hours before taking last dose of the day of two more at noon. Four a day, down from ten or twelve just a month ago. Picking up steam.

Time for some honesty here. Countless times I’ve feigned agony in order to get my wife (THE KEEPER OF THE PILLS) to hand me up to three early. Had nothing to do with pain but more just to feel centered and normal. This is your ultimate proof you’re snared and completely dependent. This is when you’re lying constantly.

I have an observation I don’t entirely understand. When my consumption of pills was ravenous I was always adamant about getting off them. When out of necessity the amount had to be cut in half I was longing for the previous higher amount. Confused opioid receptors talking to the rest of my brain.

One thing I’m completely mortified by is the way I subtly manipulated a few others into generously sharing their pain pills. I did it by lying that doctors refused to prescribe them to me. I even intimated a few times I was suicidal because of my pain level. Lies lies and more lies. I was solely after the buzz. I’ve heard other people on pain meds awhile say they had no affinity or attraction to them. They complained such things as they kept them sleepy or caused disturbing dreams. They were the people who never finished a script. I’m one of those who gets a switch thrown in my brain immediately that tells me all I need is a steady intake of more more more.

I guess that’s the defining characteristic of an addictive personality. It must be something you’re hard wired for. I find the disease concept of addiction laughable. I’ve only known a few others like me and when we’d get pills from each other we fastidiously kept track of what we were owed back. Loan shark collection tactics weren’t out of the question.

Next installment will have the story of a younger brother who was hopelessly addicted to narcotics and his tragic end.

The Story of Brother Kenny

I had a younger brother once who enlisted in the Army. He developed back issues while stationed in Germany and was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis. He eventually was awarded a full service related disability which payed him $3,300 monthly in the 90’s. Of course he opted not to work.

Back then you could still do a walkin off the street to most doctors offices and leave with a generous narcotic script. Kenny claimed his back condition was unbearably painful even though I read the condition usually only caused mild discomfort. He became a prolific doctor shopper. Eventually you could never see him when he wasn’t fully under the influence of huge narcotic doses.

I visited him one day and found him a blithering idiot. I told him I expected him to be dead within two months. He was visibly shaken. Nearly two months later I found him dead on his kitchen floor in his underwear. After the funeral people came for his body I found three different prescription pain meds from no less than five doctors. I’m convinced addiction runs in families. I, however, in many accumulated years of pain management never once od’d on pain meds. Kenny wasn’t so lucky and left us at age 47.

I took a large quantity of his meds home with me and hid them in my garage. I was very distraught over his death and someone gave me xanax pills which I took too much of. I decided to try and reverse the sedation with cocaine. My son later found me unresponsive and called an ambulance. I’m told I was comatose for three days during which my brother’s funeral had to be delayed. That was my greatest humiliating moral failure I’ve never forgiven myself for. I still believe I deserve a catastrophic event as punishment. I scarred my family and took years to rebuild trust.

Continuation...

It’s six days till next pain management appointment. I’ve managed to sneak and coerce enough extra doses that I’m nursing along at 2 pills a day instead of 7. I know that if I manage to sneak more I’ll be in misery a few days before next refill. I’ll have to visit with the doctor in extreme discomfort it’ll take all I have to hide from him. Somehow that matters little to me. Soon as my wife’s attention is diverted I’ll grab extra pills. It’s what that switch in my brain compels me to do.

I’ve gotten to the point that every aspect of my life seems dependent on having narcotics onboard. Visiting family, playing guitar, picking up groceries, even having grandkids over all require narcotic doses. My life doesn’t feel at all normal without it. I’d rather spend the entire day in bed than to not be able to take pills.

I remember six years ago when we moved onto this rural street with fabulous neighbors. The first street bbq we were invited to I was in withdrawals from morphine. I drank a helluva lot of moonshine to feel comfortable in my skin. My wife had to lead me home. I later had to apologize to the host who laughed it off thankfully.

I eventually attained a few years of complete normalcy I remember well. I played music in public and was comfortable around people I didn’t know well. It was a great time. Then came a cervical fusion surgery and months later lumbar fusion after a car wreck. Back on pills I desperately needed for horrible pain. Back to the switch in my brain being thrown. I’m recovered enough now it’s an abject lie to claim I still need them. I long for the normalcy again.

A goal I have is to not take a handful of pills when I pick up next refill again. I seriously doubt I’ll attain the goal but have ascribed it as a benchmark I’ll have to meet if I’m to be successful getting off this nightmare roller coaster. I’m like a dual personality at war with myself. Neither has the power to overcome the other.

I’m waiting for a delivery of thc gummies a cousin is sending me from Michigan. I’ve used them before and had better pain control with them. I can cut pain meds dosage in half when combined with thc gummies. I intend to try a rapid taper by using thc which I could always stop with no issues. I know I’m gonna have lingering discomfort for awhile. I’ll likely end up getting xanax from my long time primary doctor for the anxiety, insomnia and restless leg that hangs around a week or two. We’ll see how this goes. Pain meds have been in my life too long. The pain from the fusion is at a level I think I can tolerate with mental toughness now. Here’s hoping.

April 22, 2021

Yeah I know... I’ve not written anything in awhile. Short whirlwind of activity. I got my accident settlement money and we bought a bus type motorhome and had a big pool installed. Also had to go out of state for a week for a family member’s funeral. That’s my excuse.

As for the pills... the last quantity prescribed was exactly half the amount of a few months back. I was still down to none by the day before the appointment just like the previous three times. Sneaking pills when my wife’s attention is diverted has become an art form. It’s compulsive behavior that embarrasses me but I seem powerless to overcome. At least the rapid tapering regimen is in full swing and being successfully adhered to. I’ll end this session by reiterating I’m tired of being snared by these fucking pills and look forward to the glorious day they are out of my psyche.

Long overdue update. In rereading this treatise I’ve realized my initial projection of being off pain pills in a few months is in serious jeopardy. The last dosage reduction caused me to hit a wall. The pain levels have increased and I’m walking like a bent over geriatric cripple again. I’m having to realize pills will apparently be in my future for an indeterminate time. That means the lies and stealthy thievery will continue. I so wish I could conquer this compulsion but the fact remains. I can’t feel normal without them, even though after so much time on them the relief is only very minimal.

I can’t stress enough how this is not where I want to be. I long for the time again when these fuckin pills are a distant memory. If not that then I long to take them responsibly. My brain won’t allow that. It isn’t even a choice available to me. The longing to simply cease to exist pops up now and again but thankfully I can’t do that to my family. I’m considering starting a podcast to address these issues. I know millions of people like me exist in this hell. I’m not sure if I could do it other than as an anonymous person. Who the fuck wants the world to know they’re stuck in this void?

#addiction

[strawberries-n-sugar]

Okay, I found this blog and I found her request which I relate to so much constantly so I wanted to do it. Warnings, cussing, lots and lots of cussing and screaming and tears, maybe hint of really dark talk if you are triggered by that; I'm not sure how to describe it unless you actually read, reader has been mentally abused manipulated and taken advantage of her whole life and it takes tole, stress and exhaustion, mentally breaking, loathing life and your job, bitterness and hatred of people, a kind person growing tired and angry. Tom and reader's relationship is open for the reader to decide and please keep in mind whereas this has some realistic topics it is FANFICTION, not meant to offend or disrespect anyone

Can someone write me a fic, where the main character comes home pissed off at a coworker, stressed out. She's ready to beat her down and Tom Hiddleston calms her down @traceyaudette

You had gotten off of work well over an hour ago after getting off nearly two hours late. When you first got off you were fuming, still talking at 20 miles a minute and Tom could barely understand every third word that passed through your lips. He had tried to speak with you but that seemed like it wasn't going to happen so now he sat and let you blow off some steam and stress from work. At this point you had calmed down a bit, sort of, he could understand you now at least. What you were saying now sounded like English anyway. This was actually a normal thing, almost daily. He hated it for you to say the least.

"I am just so tired of being screamed at! Im tired! I am so so tired of everyone yelling at me! They won't stop yelling! I'm a fuck up, I get that but damn it I am trying so fucking hard and I am doing my best! I'm sorry I am not perfect! Im trying! Im trying! I know I'm not good enough because Im co stantly told, I always have been! Daddy told me! Teachers! Momma! Teachers! Principals! Friends! Boyfriends! Girlfriends! Now my managers and coworkers! I try my fucking damdest to be nice but sometimes I think I am too nice! The only person who ever thought I was good enough was my aunt and I know I have let her down by now! The bad part is I didn't know I was tired and fucked up until a few years ago! And now I cant stop it! I know I am being mistreated and manipulated now and I can't stop it because Im scared! I am only allowed to smile, grit my teeth, apologize and bare it! He will never put more on you than you can take?! Bullshit! Look at me! I'm fucked up and fucked in the head! I am suposed to be grown and-Im so tired! When I do try to defend myself I either get in trouble or don't get taken seriously and Im always told I have a choice but I don't! As soon as I make the wrong choice it bites me in the ass! With the situation now what I don't understand is that if I am so horrible then get someone else! Oh wait, they cant because noone else will take what I do and it is a job noone else wants to do and that is what I am there for! I just want to go to school so I can get out! I want to be happy!! I don't want to quit anymore, I just want to die!" You scream while sobbing and your pain and anguish are obvious. Often times when you got off like this you and Tom would argue and most of the time the worst bits of your breakdowns occured coincedsntally when he was awaya nd you were alone. He knew it was bad but he never imagined this and it broke his heart.

"One day! One day mark my fucking words, I'm gonna get pissed and Ill make somebody listen to me!" You declare and he pushes himself off of his seat, walking over to you. He takes your face in his hands and tries to wipe some of the tears as away. You choke on a lump in your throat causing a sputtered cough and you sniffle all while trying to catch your breath.

"Everybody expects me to smile and bare it and that's all I am able to do but one day Ima' get mad. I will burn it all down. I am about to press faces to fryers."

"Breathe," he coaxes you sensing you begin to start hyperventalating at the verge of an anxiety attack. You swallow again trying to stop crying and it is silent for several moments as he waits for you to try and pull yourself together the best that you can. He uses his thumb to dry your face. "I don't have any tissues handy," he smiles a little, trying to urge you to laugh and it works, "thats it, breathe," he coaches you.

When you are finally only sniffleing and wiping your own face he kisses your head and pulls it to his chest, holding it there with his arms around you. "Alright, here is what is going to happen. Do you need to have a appoinment to be put on your meds again, perhaps a higher dosage?" You shake your head no. "Alright, then do you want therapy?" You shrug honestly, part of you did but the part of you didn't want to be basically called crazy again. "Okay, then I will help you go to school and do all we need to do to get you out of that job," he kisses the top of your head. "Just hang on a bit longer," he rubs your back. You nod against his chest, his heartbeat soothing you as well as the embrace and the words.

"For the moment, you are off for the evening and there is only me and you. You don't have to deal with customers, or managers, or coworkers any more this evening so let's try to relax and you can enjoy yourself and then get some rest. I will get you a nice hot bath, and then we can curl up on the sofa and watch a film, and then I will take you to sleep when I see you are ready to go to bed. How does that sound?"

"Perfect," you smile and hug his waist.

He smiles and walks to draw the bath for you then walks you to the bathroom as he rubs your shoulders, "I'll make snacks and choose a movie," he leaves you to have alone time but leaves the door open. You soak for a bit and when you come out after slipping into some soft comfy warm clothes including your cat sweater and some pajama pants you come out to the kitchen with the sleeves pulled over your hand and your hand by your mouth feeling like a tired and exhasted child with blood shot eyes blown large and innocent.

He smiles at you and walks to the sofa with you, he sits with a arm over you, bringing your head to his lap. He had snacks set out on the table and he turned the movie on. You fall asleep about halfway through the movie and he carries you to bed, kissing your forehead goodnight

#tomhiddleston x reader

[liesyousoldme]

What kind of Rx drugs do you think Eddie is on as an adult that he would need to wean off of? I’d just love to hear your take because your analysis on everything else has been fuckin spot on

they’re actually listed in the book! his opening chapter starts with him emptying his medicine cabinet into his bag and after he gets through like four shelves of OTC meds and then you get to his last shelf:

“the bottom shelf is almost deserted, but the stuff which is here means serious business - you could cruise on this stuff, okay. On this stuff you could fly higher than Ben Hanscom’s jet and crash harder than Thurman Munson’s.”

he has Valium, which is a benzodiazepine and helps with anxiety. same drug class as xanax. You can get this prescribed say, before you have to go in for a procedure to keep you from getting freaked out

he has Percodan, which is a combo of aspirin and oxycodone. so. opioid pain medication (not to mention he carries regular aspirin with him everywhere and pops them like candy)

he has Elavil, which is also known as amitryptilene. i actually took this for a while! it’s a tricyclic antidepressant. however, it’s popular to abuse bc in high doses it causes a euphoric and sedating effect so i don’t think our boy eddie is taking one a day

he has Darvon Complex,  which is a narcotic i believe? it’s literally been removed from the market bc it has serious side effects to the heart

and then this guy has a tin full of quaaludes. highly addictive sedative that was popularly abused before being taken off the market. known for being incredibly addicting and having terrible withdrawal symptoms

so we don’t know how often/how much he’s taking but it’s serious drugs he’s abusing. a lot of them he’d probably view as being able to lessen his anxiety. he possibly started out legally and on proper dosages only to increase his tolerance and have to up the doses but it’s never said how he has access to any of them. 

he only has 6 quaaludes which to me that says he doesn’t take them often so i don’t think i’d be worried he’d be addicted to those. however, valium would be an issue. the pain pills would be an issue. possibly the elavil, depending on how often he takes them. 

and on top of the fact that he’s taking these meds, at least when he goes to derry, he drinks. not only should none of these be mixed with alcohol (it usually heightens the effects) but they shouldn’t be mixed with each other. he could legitimately OD mixing these and drinking alcohol. 

getting off these would require going through withdrawal for sure, particularly the pain pills. opioid withdrawal is rough. 

also quick disclaimer i’m not super knowledgeable about prescription drugs so if anything is incorrect let me know!

#ek meta #kenobians

[talanarende]

So I'm having something of a health crisis, on top of the chronic pain that I normally have. In early Nov, right after my bday I started having much higher pain levels for no apparent reason, higher and a different kind of pain than I ever had before - burning/stabbing pain completely different from arthritis in all my joints, especially hips and knees, muscle cramps from my pelvis down to my knees and constantly flaring sciatica. I figured it was just a temporary flareup as I tend to have now and then, but it never went away.

I kept having level 8 pain all day every day, even with meds. my pain dr increased the dosage of tramadol I was taking when I saw her at the end of January, - I wanted to increase the Lyrica too, to help combat the nerve pain, but she didn't want to make more than one change at a time.

So that was slightly better, but only a little. Then on Feb 5th I collapsed at home and my legs just...suddenly stopped working. I was sitting on the couch in my usual spot when I had to go to the bathroom, so I stood up and immediately crumpled, I fell and literally could not get up. I could barely crawl, and wasn't able to pull myself up on anything as my legs couldn't bear my weight at all. I waited a few hours but it didn't go away, just kept getting worse, and my roommate finally called the ambulance.

In the ER they found I had pretty severe rhabdomyolosis, in a blood test my muscle enzyme count was 11,000 - way off the charts, normal is 200-250. they did some xrays and CT scan, and later an MRI which showed I have a bulging disc which is causing at least some of the pain and weakness, between the slipped disc and some stenosis it's putting a lot of pressure on the nerves there. they had me start working with PT, but I was in so much pain I could hardly move, and having muscle cramps in my thighs and the backs of my knees whenever I tried to stand. they gave me a muscle relaxant which helped with the cramps, and a steroid injection in my back the day before I was discharged to rehab, but it made things worse instead of better. I never actually hit level 10 pain before this, but I have now and let me tell you, it is not fun.

I was in the hospital for just over a week, released to rehab last Thursday (a week ago). things are going very slow and rough right now - I'm okayish, pain level about 6-7 when I am lying down or sitting still, but still about a 9 when standing or walking, so I can't really make much progress until they fix my meds.... in the hospital they cut my tramadol dosage in half for no apparent reason and wouldn't fix it even though there was an existing script for 8 tablets per day.

I also had been taking the Lyrica for anxiety more than pain, but they think the rhabdomyolysis was caused by a rare reaction to Lyrica, so I can't take it anymore. switching back to gabapentin means much better sciatica control but it does very little for the anxiety, regardless of the dosage. instead of helping find an alternative for the anxiety, the hospital changed my antidepressant from Cymbalta to Zoloft, again for no apparent reason. the only thing I'm taking now for anxiety is clonodine, and it's at max dosage.

l did see my regular psych nurse who handles my mental health meds yesterday and she decided to leave me on zoloft for now. she was also able to put me back on gabapentin, not for my levels of pain but for anxiety. so that (gabapentin) is still a half dosage too, but it's better than nothing.

once I finally got ahold of my pain dr and let them know that I was in the hospital and heading to rehab, unable to take Lyrica anymore, my dr decided to keep me on the same dosage of tramadol but the rehab centre refuses to give it to me as written - my dr said i could take 3 in the morning, 3 at night, and 2 in the afternoon, but rehab insists on dispensing it as 2 every 6 hrs, which is WAY less effective, and I told them so.

but apparently they can't fix anything else without written orders from the dr and the dr can't do that until they see me again - I have an appt on the 27th, and then can straighten out the remaining issues with the dosages, but in the meantime I'm making very little progress in PT, and wont really be able to make more until the pain is less.

when I stand, there is an explosion of pain at the site of the slipped disc/injection which radiates briefly to each side of my lower back, then up my spine and down my legs, a sharp burning.

when I then go to take a step and try walking with the walker (because I can't even put any weight on my legs, too weak, they buckle with excruciating pain), every step feels like an ice pick stabbing at the base of my spine, even though I'm barely picking my feet up.

so none of that can begin to be resolved until my appt on the 27th, and in the meantime they are completely wasting their time getting me to do small, incremental things that both hurt and have no effect, nothing really will until my pain levels come down.

so I'm hanging in there, but frustrated - and I need to call medicaid today and make sure they know I'm in rehab and likely will be for the foreseeable future, make sure they have it covered. the last thing I need is more medical bills when I have no income or savings and couldn't possibly make any payments.

as far as the slipped disc and pinched nerves there, there is only so much meds can do, and I may need surgery. I have an appt with a surgeon in Butte on Monday to evaluate that, seeing my regular GP on Weds and an appt with my pain dr in Great Falls on Thurs, so hopefully in the meantime it won't be too bad.

I haven't been able to write or even read much, brain's too crowded with anxiety about what is happening to me - worst case scenario, I could be permanently stuck in a wheelchair now, even surgery might not help. we can't tell at this point how much of the pain and weakness is from the sciatica and the rhabdo, and how much is because of the slipped disc and stenosis. depending on the true source of the problems, physical therapy can only do so much to restoring function either, so.... we just don't know yet how much mobility I'll be able to get back, if any.

so we'll see what happens! cross all your fingers and such 😒💜❤️

#real life #health #personal #life sucks #what even is my life

[deadmomjokes]

I was wondering if you might have some advice for my specific anxiety/phobia. I have an extreme fear of having a heart attack every single day (I am 20 years old). I started having chest pains half a year ago so I went to the doctor a couple times to try and figure it out (at one point I went to the e.r. Yikes) and they chalked it up to anxiety. After a few weeks on meds the pains went away but now its back and I’m having panic attacks again because I constantly think I’m on the brink of death.

Oh man! That’s honestly the worst; I had that same anxiety trigger for a while in high school (and to a lesser extent now). I was constantly convinced I was dying, and would be a medical marvel headline– “High School Student Drops Dead After Mystery Heart Attack.”

It’s possible that the medicine you’re on helped at first then your body got too used to your dosage, or it simply wasn’t right for you. It could also be that if your anxiety triggered to something else, it could cause chest pain and the pain alone could bring back the terrors about death. My meds took ages to actually start working right, and they quit working a few years later and I had to switch to a bunch of different ones before I landed on my current regime, which works great for me so far. I would talk with your doctors about the fact that it quit working for you, and your physical symptoms are back. See if they think a dosage change or medicine switch might be beneficial.

As for dealing with that specific anxiety, it’s a rough one. Mine was never only heart attacks/chest pain, but any unexplained pain in my body. I would go full hypochondriac and think that I was having appendicitis or a ruptured spleen, when really it was a gas bubble. I still deal with a bit of hypochondriasis sometimes when I have unexplained (usually anxiety-triggered) pains, but it has helped me greatly to simply remember my past history, and remind myself consciously that this has happened before and I was fine. Any time you get a chest pain, you could say to yourself, maybe even out loud if you can, “The chest pain is back, but I know I’m not dying, because this happens frequently. My anxiety wants me to believe that I am dying or having a heart attack, but I know that anxiety can cause chest pains unrelated to my heart’s normal functions. This pain will pass, and I will live through it. I am not having a heart attack, just a panic attack.”

I know that seems weird and stupidly simple, but for some reason, consciously laying out in words the things that you already know intellectually can really help put the brakes on anxiety spirals. It may not and probably won’t take care of all of it, but it can sometimes slow or halt the progression of an attack in progress, at least enough that you can get to work on other coping mechanisms.

Having chest pain is often a sign of an anxiety attack already in progress, so I would also recommend keeping a journal after the fact of what was going on right before the pains started. You might discover a trigger you didn’t know you had, and may be able to start identifying earlier warning signs. When I was first learning to identify panic attacks, it seemed like they came out of nowhere. I’d be fine, walking down the hall in school, and then bam, I felt like I was dying and having an out-of-body experience. Turns out, I was missing a TON of my more subtle cues, and my anxiety was triggering first to academic performance worries, and the crowds in the hall. It was simply compounding and becoming unmanageable when the physical symptoms would start, because I would feel like I was dying and that would spur my death anxiety/hypochondriasis.

I now know some of my much earlier signs, before it’s a “full blown” panic attack: feeling suddenly restless, needing something to do with my hands, rubbing my knees/pant legs and playing with my shirt, feeling like everything’s my fault, voice becoming higher pitched, talking faster, feeling faster (that’s hard to explain, but I just feel FAST), my stomach knotting up, and feeling like I might cry. Some of my triggers that happen way before my “I’m dying” panic kicks in as a result of the attack symptoms are: crowds, unexpected happenings in traffic (someone cuts me off, I miss a turn, etc), sudden unplanned phone calls, unexpected or unplanned money expenditures, a “Hey can I talk to you for a second?”, and sudden schedule changes. Obviously that’s not an inclusive list of triggers, nor inclusive of all the things I have anxiety over, but it’s some of the common ones that, especially in my teen/early college years, I was having attacks over and not realizing it until I already felt like I was dying. Which then, the main concern was not the underlying trigger, but the fact that I felt like I was having a heart attack for the second time that day.

Not everyone has the same early warning signs, or the same triggers, so it’s really helpful to start journaling your pre-attack goings-on and looking for patterns later. I would also say to start practicing grounding and breathing exercises when you’re NOT having an attack, so that you can kind of go on auto pilot when you are having one.

If you aren’t seeing a therapist, and that’s at all an option for you money/time wise, I recommend finding one asap. They can be amazingly helpful in finding coping strategies for your attacks, and in helping you with the awareness/identification process. Medicine alone will often not be sufficient to make anxiety livable, just more manageable. If you’ve struggled with anxiety for a long time, it may be difficult to break out of the thought patterns that you’ve formed as a result, and you may need professional help to get control of it, even if you’re medicated. Many therapists offer sliding-scale fees if money is a barrier, and some places have therapists that will offer free counseling for low-income brackets. If you’re in college, find out if your university has a counseling center. Most do, and it’s free for students. Or they could refer you to someone local in the community who can work with your class schedule and budget.

I might also see a physical doctor just to rule out any underlying health conditions that could be medically triggering your anxiety (thyroid problems, hormonal problems, etc), and to check and make sure you don’t have something like costochondritis that’s triggering the pain by itself. Costo can also cause chest pain that, in my personal experience having both, can actually mimic anxiety chest pain very closely. It is most likely, of course, that it’s the anxiety again, but especially if it came on suddenly, it’s always good to just make sure. Just more ammo to use when talking it down, you can hold up your test results as proof that you’re not dying and that you know it’s just the anxiety again.

I’m really sorry you’re going through this, and I hope that you’re able to find help and answers soon. Please feel free to come back and ask more questions, and I’ll answer as best I can. Just know that I’m not a professional, and the people best qualified to help you deal with this stuff are the professionals. But I am always here if you’d like to keep asking question, looking for advice from someone who’s been through similar experiences, or just need to talk to someone who understand’s where you’re at.

#long post #ask #anxiety #death anxiety tw #panic attack tw

[canibrandscompany]

How to Quickly Fall Asleep and Stay Asleep All Night

Sleep is incredibly important for the human body. It’s not only the way in which we achieve the rest that helps our bodies recover from physical activity, but it’s also crucial in providing the slumber we need to rest and recover from mental and emotional stresses as well. The first step in achieving an excellent night's sleep is to understand your sleep patterns. Monitoring and studying your sleep habits can help you learn how your daily activities and routines affect your nighttime rest. If you find yourself struggling to get a decent night's sleep, don’t worry - there are tried and true options that have been thoroughly tested and shown to be useful in the treatment of insomnia (the term associated with the condition of sleeplessness). Treatment options range from behavioral therapy and pharmaceuticals to the use of CBD oil supplements. But no matter the treatment option, these practices work better if you can isolate the singular or common causes of your sleep ailment.

Why You Can't Sleep?

There are many contributing factors to someone’s inability to find a deep, restful night’s sleep. Stress, anxiety, and depression have been shown to cause nearly half of all insomnia cases. In addition to stress and anxiety, your daytime habits, sleep routine, and physical health also play a huge role. Also, prescription drugs have been shown to interfere with sleep cycles and make it difficult to sleep. Medications like antidepressants, high blood pressure meds, and even some contraceptives have been shown to negatively interfere with our sleep patterns. There also are certain medical conditions and ailments that can contribute to sleeplessness. Some of these examples include allergies, asthma, Parkinson's disease, kidney disease, and cancer. Insomnia itself, though a sleep disorder of its own, can also be a symptom of other sleep disorders. Taking the time to figure out the root cause of your lack of sleep will help you tailor a treatment plan accordingly, and guide you in building the habits and practices that are conducive to achieving a good night’s sleep.

How to Quickly Fall Asleep?

A perfect night's sleep is just as important as a regular exercise routine and a healthy diet. In fact, the two often go hand in hand. And while our culture has grown to place more focus on our diet and exercise routines, statistics show that over these past few decades, both sleep quality and quantity has declined. This issue of collective sleeplessness is increasing, and it is becoming increasingly necessary to learn how to combat this trend. Achieving higher-quality sleep starts from a couple of simple steps. The first is to maintain a steady sleep routine, one that your body's internal clock is attuned to. Your body's circadian rhythm functions on a set loop, aligning itself with sunrise and sunset. Being consistent with your sleep and wake times can aid in your long-term sleep quality. Along with maintaining consistent routines (even on the weekends), we must condition ourselves to avoid activities and substances such as caffeine and nicotine at least 2-3 hours before bedtime because they could potentially disturb our nightly sleep. Taking the time to actively placate bad habits is very important in curbing the symptoms of insomnia. The average healthy adult needs 7-8 hours of sleep a night – with some even able to function on as little as 6 hours of sleep. However, there are certain individuals who can't perform at their peak unless they've slept for at least 10 hours. The point is, people are all very different, and understanding where you stand on the spectrum makes it easier to help improve your sleeping experience.

How to Fall Asleep and Stay Asleep All Night?

Here are some tips to quickly fall asleep and stay asleep all night.

Try to exercise at least 25 - 30 minutes a day. Physical exertion often helps people sleep, although working out too close to your bedtime can actually interfere with your sleep. To maximize the effects of your workout, try to get your exercise routine in about 5 - 6 hours before you go to bed. Do not exercise within 2 hours of bedtime if you hope to avoid interference with your sleep.

Reserve your bed for sleep and sleep only. Don't answer phone calls, don’t respond to emails, and don’t scroll through your social media feeds as you are trying to fall asleep. This also means you should avoid binge-watching your favorite show in your bedroom. Your bedroom (and your bed particularly) needs to be a stimulus for sleeping, not for wakefulness. Create a habit and an environment that is a proponent of sleep.

Reduce or eliminate long daytime naps. Don't get us wrong; naps can be beneficial and offer some much-needed rest when we are feeling sleep deprived. However, long or irregular napping can actually have a negative effect on our sleep. This is because sleeping in the daytime can confuse your internal clock and make you struggle to find sleep in the evening. If you find yourself taking daytime naps and having difficulty sleeping at night, try to eliminate these respites as much as possible. However, if you take regular daytime naps and still sleep well, there’s probably no need to worry, and no need to change your routine. Daytime naps affect different people in different ways.

Use a fitness/ sleep tracker watch. Sleep trackers on smartwatches have come to the rescue on many occasions for individuals who battle with insomnia symptoms. These smartwatches help to monitor and track your sleep patterns and offer helpful guidance on establishing a healthy sleep pattern. Most Apple watches and other smartwatches have these features available on the device. Use these functions and the data they provide to make good decisions that assist you in achieving better sleep.

Need More Help? Try CBD!

People who suffer from issues of sleeplessness often find themselves turning to over-the-counter and prescription sleep aids. These pharmaceuticals, however, often carry lengthy warning labels and numerous side effects. Furthermore, they can also be addictive and sometimes largely ineffective. But there’s hope. Research shows that CBD (cannabidiol) may interact with your body's endocannabinoid system and function to regulate serotonin and dopamine levels in our body. Clinical reviews have revealed that patients using CBD in high doses (daily doses of 40, 80, and 160 mg), reported achieving substantially improved quality of sleep. CBD products have a variety of effects depending on the dosage, product, and time of day they are taken, as well as individual physiology. In recent years, a huge collection of these products have flooded the market. There are capsules, tinctures, CBD oral sprays, and even CBD-infused pillows! These products affect everyone differently, so experimentation is critical in getting the most out of them. While CBD is still relatively new in the market, and more definitive studies need to be conducted, initial findings show minimal to no side effects or ability overdose.

Final Thoughts

It goes without saying that sleep is an essential part of our wellbeing. It’s important to nurture a schedule and routine that prioritizes your sleeping time. This may require switching off your phone, or putting your device in “Do not Disturb” mode to avoid any distractions or outside stimuli. The steps outlined throughout this article should help to ensure you are building solid, healthy habits that will increase the quality and duration of your sleep.

In general, the use of sleep aids, a sleep-friendly environment, and appropriate relaxation techniques should help you achieve a great night's sleep. If you employ the techniques above and continue to have trouble falling asleep at night, consider visiting your local physician or a sleep specialist to address these persistent issues.

#cbdforsleep #sleepcbd #cbdsleepproducts

[lesbitchka]

Is going on antidepressants a bad thing? Would you advise against it? I’m assuming you’re not a doctor but I just want your personal opinion as I find your blog and advice really valuable so I would appreciate your input highly, I have depression and suicidal thoughts on a daily basis I’m seeking therapy but it doesn’t feel like enough, thank you in advance

im certainly not a doctor, but i’ve been on antidepressants for a couple years and they’ve helped me considerably. there are obviously possible side effects, though i havent experienced any and no one i know has (outside of, like, getting brain zaps when you forgot to take the meds the day before or when you’ve grown to need a higher dosage)

the thing about antidepressants is that if you’re suicidal and don’t have access to therapy, there’s a higher risk of suicide after starting the meds, because your energy levels increase and so you’re more likely to act out attempts that you would’ve only fantasized about otherwise

that said, there are ways to deal with that without therapy as well (though definitely at least try it if you can!) and i personally didn’t have this problem despite giving up on regular therapy sessions after the psychologist i was assigned didnt fit me and i then never bothered to try another one (might have something to do with adhd related executive dysfunction, might not)

i should probably look into proper therapy as well now that im in a bigger town, though i’ve been able to get by pretty ok since i started my meds. & they relieve anxiety quite a bunch too

the meds dont fix you and you cant expect everything to be just dandy once they start working (which takes a couple months after starting them, so dont be discouraged), but they do put you into a better position to help yourself

#i got my antidepressants first and only sometime after they started working i got my adhd meds #and the psych thought it a good idea to take me off the antidepressants and only have me take the adhd meds #and lemme tell you it got much worse fast once the effects wore off and i got the antidepressants back lmao #it's normal to seemingly not notice any changes when you're ON the meds! #but you WILL notice a big difference when youre suddenly without the meds #Anonymous