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#okay the good news is. erik is coming this weekend:) and i have a free weekend (except for 5 and a half hours)to spend lots of time with hi
zemnarihah · 8 months
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ik i just get on here and complain about the same things all the time but god it is so fucking frustrating how difficult it is to get specific days off at my job i really feel that my time doesnt belong to me sometimes
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cloudywilmon · 1 year
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cloudymiIk fanfic masterpost
Guide
Status
☑ complete ❒ in progress ☒ hiatus
Rating
Ⓔ Explicit Ⓣ Teen Ⓝ Not Rated
Young Royals
stand alone oneshots and multichaptered
get it off your chest, get it off my desk Ⓔ ☑
wc: 6,877
Vincent hasn’t called him to stand since the time with Felice, although there have been multiple nights where Simon has slept over. He supposes that while one can assume, it’s not actually evident that he and Simon had sex during those times (even though they definitely have). There was no mistaking the way they’d left early the night before, however. No mistaking the darkened bruise on Wille’s neck. They’ve already received some smirks from the boys around them, cheekily asking them if they’d had a goodnight.
i find myself running home to your sweet nothings Ⓣ ☑
wc: 2,196
He’d always known Simon was beautiful, to him, it was a universal constant. But now, getting to see him in person, looking up at Wille so openly - eagerly - he was radiant. - Following Wille's speech, he and Simon finally get some time alone together. Post S2 E6.
bloom where you are planted Ⓣ ☑
wc: 12,915
Wille is a plant boy, Simon has a black thumb. They both run semi-popular Instas.
make the yuletide gay Ⓣ☑
chapters 5/5
wc: 34,947
Wille doesn’t have anywhere to go for the holidays, Sara wants her family to stop asking if she has a boyfriend. Fake dating over Christmas seems like the perfect solution - at least until Wille meets Sara’s brother.
series
darling, you're the one I want
1/2 - i hate accidents except when we went from friends to this Ⓔ ☑
chapters 8/8
wc: 59,633
Simon is Wilhelm's best friend, so when he confesses that he's insecure about his lack of experience Wille offers to help him. After all, it's what any good friend would do, isn't it?
2/2 - i want you (bless my soul) Ⓔ ☑
wc: 15,539
Wille and Simon decide to take another step in their relationship - but first, Wille needs to do some research (off the school wifi this time).
 
In your heart I see the start of every night and every day
1/2 - You're Simply the Best Ⓔ ☑
chapters 27/27
wc: 123,730
“So if you’re not staying there, and you’re not coming here…” Erik began, pausing for Willie to answer and giving another laugh when Wille didn’t fill in the blanks. “Pray tell Wilhelm, where exactly is my little brother spending the weekend? I thought your crush went to Hillerska?” or Erik Lives
2/2 - i'm stuck on your heart Ⓝ ☑
wc: 8,788
moments from 'you're simply the best' from other perspectives
✨ Prince Simon Cinematic Universe ✨
Tell me what you need (You look so free) Ⓔ ❒
chapters 2/10
wc: 39,102
He let himself imagine for a moment that they could be friends - maybe in another life, another universe. The whole point of his attendance at the conference, however, was to portray the image that his mother wanted him to. He brushed the fantasies aside, it was a big enough event, he should be able to get away with avoiding Prince Simon. He had to. - Fresh off his breakup with Nils and the release of the tape, Wille is determined to be the model prince, to play the role that's expected of him. Simon might throw a wrench in that plan.
unholy trinity Ⓣ - with @prince-simon
chapters 4/4
wc: 6,443
Prince Simon consults his best friends for advice on his feelings for the little prince of Sweden.
tryna play it cool (i could be your crush) Ⓔ ☑
wc: 8,545
Wilma is very into Rosh and kind of wants to kiss her. She has a mild crisis about it.
london calling Ⓣ ☑ - with @angelbabysimon
wc: 3,130
When Simon and Wilhelm head to London for their first anniversary, things don't go quite the way they expect...
it takes a fool (but we both are so its okay)
I Lied Ⓣ ☑
wc: 2,685
Between Christmas and New Years, Simon's friends tell him to check instagram.
New Years Resolutions Ⓣ ☑
chapters 3/3
wc: 6, 521
Sara drags Simon out to a New Years party with Felice to stop him from sitting around and pining over Wilhelm who is still stuck at the palace dealing from the fallout.
It gets worse before it gets better  Ⓣ☒
chapters 9/?
wc: 24,739
Simon and Wilhelm are back at Hillerska before the term starts, but they still have to deal with the fallout of the tape.
Red, White, & Royal Blue
YourMusicSucksAndYouLookLikeADickhead Ⓔ ☑
wc: 6,762
In which Alex gets a new neighbour who immediately pisses him off, and they begin blaring their music to communicate with eachother. - aka Alex and Henry get off on the wrong foot, Alex has his bisexual awakening, and Nora deals with Alex's bullshit.
Healthy Choices: Relationships, Sexuality and Family Planning Ⓣ❒
chapters 1/3
wc: 10,420
Alex's high school decides to take a slightly more hands on approach to sex ed, and he finds himself stuck partnered with Henry. And their fake baby.
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uidbmgmt · 9 months
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And so Everfree Northwest 2023 has come and gone. I had such a blast this past weekend. Lemme regale to you my story.
Long post ahead.
I got to room with some amazing new people and learn more about them and their lives. Cross was there for The Owl House VAs and he was a joy. We watched random videos on YouTube and talked about all kinds of stuff. Erik was a great roomie. He’s an author and gave each of us copies of his work! I’m not much of a book reader, but I’ll try my hardest to stick to it. Tori was so kind and a pleasure to room with. It’s so wonderful to room with strangers and end up as friends.
I was so fortunate to see some of my friends there and hang out with them. I always enjoy my time with friends, especially at con. It’s extra special when we all start making real talk and let out our true feelings. It was always wonderful to run into other bronies at the smoke area and make chitchat about stuff with them. Would have done it more, but it was hot outside and I was keeping busy.
I entered the cosplay contest, my first ever, with one of my con roomies. We didn’t win, but that’s okay. It was fun to try. I made sure to cheer and shout extra loud for all the cosplayers who went up on stage. I am so happy that my friend Stuart won judges choice in the contest from The Owl House VAs. He works so hard on his cosplays every year and he deserves every bit of recognition he got. So proud of him. Give the man a big round of applause!
I made sure to bring my bubble bazooka with me so I could blow bubbles for everyone. I was gonna do it in the Gala but they didn’t want the dance floor slippery. Totally understandable. I went outside the gala and blew bubbles at the entrance, people coming and going through a pathway of bubbles! People LOVED it. After a bit someone came out and told me a few of the bubbles were making their way to the stage! That’s faaarrrr. XDDD I’ll have to bring it back again next year and blow bubbles in the foals room, with permission of course.
I made over 250 kandi bracelets for Everfree this year, had been working on them since the beginning of the year. I started giving them out on day zero. I’m happy to report I gave away every single kandi bracelet I had brought with me. I was not the only one doing this as other people were dropping kandi bracelets here and there on the free tables too. People absolutely loved them. I think next year I might give out buttons too, we’ll see.
I went to one panel while I was there. It was a panel for plushie making. It was hosted by a person named Hibiscus Stitch and they have been making plushies since the early 2000’s. I made sure to give them a kandi bracelet before the panel started. It interesting to hear about their story and see the progress they have made in their journey. They even had words of encouragement for aspiring plush toy makers from other plushie artists out there. Before the panel, a person came up the them three unicorn Twilight Sparkle plush toys and asked if they would hand them out during the panel. They agreed and so at the end, they threw them into the audience. I got supremely lucky as they threw one right in my direction, I was sitting in the front, so I jumped up, grabbed it, fell back into my chair and then onto the floor, on my back. I laughed because it was funny and my friend Stuart helped me up. Needless to say I got the plushie. I’m so happy to add a Twilight Sparkle plush to my collection. I didn’t have one before now. :3
After the panel, since there was no plush toy meetup on the schedule, I convinced the other attendees in the panel with plush toys to gather them all together for a photo. There were so many big ass plush toys there, it’s enough to make you squeal. I got a real good photo of the plushies, including the ones I had with me, Twilight and my own girl Magic Lady, but I totally forgot to include Angel Bunny in the video. OOPS. Sorry Angel, I know you just wanted the attention.
It was great fun to go to two room parties while I was there! I always enjoy a good room party, so I absolutely had to attend one. Or two. On Friday, Stuart and I went and checked out the BABScon room party. It was pretty bussin. They had several different drink options, both alcoholic and nonalcoholic, and so my friend and I each got ourselves a drink, donating the rest of my change to the tip jar. I got a tasty, pony themed, alcoholic beverage while Stuart got a pony themed mocktail. Both were delicious. We didn’t stay there for long, just enough to finish my drink. Stuart doesn’t take to loud parties so I made sure we got out quick. Hope you weren’t too overstimulated while there. I know the awesome convo in the room probably made up for it.
The second room party I went to was on Saturday and it was in my Bitch Buddy’s room. Her and her newlywed husband hosted a small party with drinks and Cards Against Humanity. There were oven ten people at the party! We played cards against the plush toys and I got drunk. Not too drunk though, just a comfortable level where I was still competent. I had so much fun at this room party. I always enjoy having a small room party with friends and CAH always makes for a great time. I got lucky and Bitch Buddy let me write in a black card. “What got me kicked out of the convention?” It was the first card we played. I also won that round because I wrote my custom white card as a direct response to that question that would also be hilarious in other situations. I didn’t set out to fix myself the winner, it just ended up that way. LOL, I got karma, it was the only black card I won that game. XDDD
Do you feel sad and need your faith in humanity restored? I got you. At the end of day one, I stopped at a free table while on the way to vape to check for goodies. I put my bag down on a seat next to it and then walked away without it. After getting back to my room, I realized I didn’t have it and went to look for it. Stuart was with me, so we checked the areas we were at and nothing. Feeling panicked, but not wanting to show any emotion about it, I masked being calm and decided to check first with hotel staff and then secondly with con ops. I went to the front desk and kindly asked, “Has anybody turned in a bag? It’s a clear MLP bag and it has my wallet, a plush toy that opens into a bag, two pairs of glasses,” etc and so on. The two at the desk looked at each other and one said, “I’ll go get it, I just took it down,” and he left for the staff door. They told me yes, someone just turned it into them. I was beyond happy. I literally turned around and shouted loudly, “Thank you bronies!” I quickly looked back to the receptionist and apologized for the noise. They didn’t mind. I checked my phone while waiting and I had a new discord notification from someone I had not known. Apparently the hotel notified the con that I had lost my bag and they sent me a message to check with hotel front of desk to get it. I was so happy. When I got my bag back, I made sure to check it. Everything was still there, including my grocery money. Man, if you needed a story to restore your faith in humanity, that was it.
On day zero, while I was waiting for the head of room to arrive, I was lucky to run into someone giving away little pony figures. They were in a crochet bag. I picked up a Mrs Cake to go with my Mr Cake. The person with the toys mentioned that once they were all out, they would be giving the bag they were in away. They asked if I wanted it and so I said absolutely! It was such a lovely bag. They said once they run out they’re giving it to the first person who wants it, so hopefully I would get lucky. On day two, I ran into them again and they had emptied the bag of all its contents. They mentioned again that they were going to give it away and I happen to be the first person he encountered. Well, I have a brand new bag now. It’s a lovely, handmade shoulder bag, big enough to hold a pony plush or two. It looks like something Izzy Moonbow would make, so it’s now officially my Izzy bag. I’d I ever cosplay her, I’ll have the perfect bag. I took all my pony pins and buttons and put them on the bag. I’m gonna cover the whole thing.
The arts and crafts room is always a great place to find good people. I went there to make kandi bracelets and ended up running into what I would call my most favorite cosplayers there this year. I didn’t notice them when I sat down, but a couple minutes later, I looked over and grinned from ear to ear. They looked at me confused, until they realized I recognized their cosplay. They were cosplaying as Nostalgia Critic. It gets better. The guy next to them looks at me too and goes, “And I’m Linkara.” I lost it. I was so happy. I managed to get a great picture of them together. A short bit later, they hand me a bracelet and ask me if I wanted to keep it. I love all gifts so I said yes. It said E621 on it. I felt like I knew that from somewhere, but couldn’t recall. Later in my room, I asked my roomies about it and Cross laughed. “It’s a furry porn site,” he said. I immediately shouted, “OKAY THIS IS MINE NOW.” I think it’s so hilarious.
My brain is not a nice place and while making a bracelet with trans colors on it, my brain said to put the word “tr*n*y” on it. I immediately told the people around me that my brain said that and they all cringed. I did too. Everyone, including my heart was telling me no way Jose. I said, “Brain, you can do better.” Instead, another voice in the brain said, “Okay, you want a trans bracelet but don’t want it to directly say “transgender” or “trans”, make it say “transmission”. You’re a transmission, just a little refurbished.” I laughed at that and went with it. Now I have a transmission bracelet. LOL I rather like it, actually. It’s evidence that even though my brain is a pit of disgusting filth, my heart is still golden and trying its best.
The vendor hall was great. Such a variety of pony related goods. Plushies, clothing, bags, pins, keychains, stickers, cups, all manner of things. I didn’t have a ton of money to spend but I was able to get myself a glass tumbler filled with glitter, featuring Princess Luna on the front. I wanted something useful from the vendor hall so that was a logical choice. I use a tumbler every day for water. I sure hope my cats or my absentmindedness don’t accidentally break it. I also was able to purchase a Zipp Storm badge and two pins, SciTwi and Sunset, for myself.
My caretaker, my roomie, and her girlfriend were supposed to attend the con too, but their hotel got overbooked and they couldn’t find another room so they ended up going home. At the very least, they were able to bring me my medications that I forgot. I felt so bad for them so I spent the last of my money for the month to get them each something from the vendor hall to make up for it. I got Greg a Derpy lanyard, Maya a SciTwi pin, and Carrie got an Aria button. I’m so sorry you weren’t able to attend this year. I’ll see if I can talk Greg into going next year and we can all room in the convention hotel together, no overbooking there.
I am a small artist, barely even known, so I decided to take a few of my unity crystal lapel pins with me and see if anyone wanted to buy one or trade. I was fortunate to be able to trade with two other artists while there, Moozua and GleamyDreams. I got a Fluttershy pin and a keychain of Bowser in a jar. My first trades ever!! I was gonna trade more with the vendors, because Sunday is the day to do it, but I was out of service then.
Out of service? Well, I woke up Sunday morning from PTSD nightmares with one hell of a tension headache. I couldn’t do anything but sleep all day. I did eventually wake up with no headache but by that time, the convention had officially come to an end. I’m not too upset about it. Sure, I missed the last day, but I had a FANTASTIC couple days before then. That more than made up for it. It ended up working out anyways.
It worked out, because during the room party, we were exposed to ‘you know what’. I’m not upset about it whatsoever. I had a fun time and if I die, I die happy. Don’t worry though, I don’t think I’m gonna die from anything yet. I would take a test but it’s too early and you can’t find them in our town. I will just self isolate in my room, wear a mask, and monitor myself for any bad signs. Not too difficult, I self isolate all the time. XDDD
I had a couple issues finding a ride, but managed to find one a month before con. They were so very nice, the both of them, and very understanding of my being in contact with you know what. They even still offered me a ride home, despite it, and the next day they were transparent with me about having a sore throat and still offered their services. I made sure to give each of them one of my custom unity crystal pins as a token of gratitude.
I am so fortunate to have such loving people in my life. I received so many gifts from people this year. A Fluttershy ID, a Sunset Shimmer lighter, several kandi bracelets, and some artwork. Not to mention the books, the bag, and plushie unicorn Twilight (if you count that). I am truly blessed by some force of the universe. Something made sure I did not go unrecognized.
I had such a wonderful time at Everfree this year. It was truly awesome. I’m ecstatic I got to see so many wonderful people there and make lasting memories. I hope to go back next year and room with my housemates. I’ll convince them. We’ll all have so much fun. We can host a room party and invite all our friends. I plan to apply to host a plushie meetup, since there wasn’t one on the schedule, and maybe host another panel, if I get approved. I have a couple ideas floating around in my head.
My apologies if you went to Everfree and we did not get to talk much. I didn’t mean to snub you and I hope I get to make up for it next convention. I also apologize if I said or did anything else that might have upset or rubbed you the wrong way. Do let me know if I did and we will work things out. That’s what friends do. I love you all so very much and thank you for reading along.
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COLORS, PART 2
*Smutless
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Before I even look at anyone else's work, I reinforce sharp lines and darken the darkest areas on my painting with blue tones and deep browns. I'm working on organic matter, a bouquet of flowers and it requires trusting my eyes. I can't paint in the way that feels good, I have to be precise for realism.
"Much better," Yaya nods and I smile having not noticed that she was standing behind me watching. "After one class too and no one told you anything," she adds.
"Imagine if I got some real feedback."
"Mr. Peters," she calls gently to the professor who comes right over. He's young and cute with locs and a septum piercing. A little kooky, but loved by his students and eager to help. 
"How can I help you?"
"Criticize Meg's painting. What's she missing?"
"Honest critique," he asks and I nod. "Beautiful but it doesn't give realism. You left no room for the halo effect around the outer petal and your red leans too brown, that part is pink," he points the mid-petal. Black is not an outline color, retire your black completely. White it not an outline or highlight. Also that flower petal would have a tiny amount of speckling realistically. I'd typically use a toothbrush and splash with the bristles, but do what you can.. Keep going, you're doing so well."
"Gee thanks..." Looking at my painting with fresh eyes, I need to start over. I know I can do this way better and I'm excited to try, but I don't have the time. I have to suck it up and finish this current painting.
"What did Kellan say about your work of art last week," Yaya asks suddenly. "Could he see a difference in your technique?"
"I told you Kellan don't give a damn about my techniques or my skill level. He doesn't have an eye. He sees paint on canvas and to him it's finger painting."
"So you ain't show him. Is that because of the subject of the painting?"
"You mean the big black dick? Maybe. He's not..," I don't wanna sound mean but, "He don't understand art. He wouldn't see it how we see it. If I show him that painting he's gonna it's pornographic and then he'll think something that ain't true and I don't feel like dealing with that."
"Doesn't sound like you're compatible."
"You were just caping for him last week," I glare. "You should pick a stance."
"Oop! Well how about I'm not caping, I thought I was helping you look at things a different way because you can be harsh."
"Harsh? Because I see how things are and I tell you? You don't accept it until you repeat it. Then you wanna act like you told me something new. That's one thing that drives me crazy about you."
"I can think of more than a couple things about y-"
"Okay y'all ruining the energy in this room," Francis' voice rises. "It's a beautiful day today, sun shining!"
It is.. We're all painting the same thing today and Yaya's looks better than mine again, but I can see why and how and part of it is her colors. They aren't muddy. "Use more paint," she says reading my mind. "Don't be scared to use it up. Then when you want to mix in a tiny amount of a new color you have more to work with, less paint stroke, less mud."
"I can't wait to start this over or paint something else," I say plopping paint on my picture. At this point I just want it finished. "I'm gonna paint my mom's houseplant at home soon as I get there."
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"Mama," I call through the apartment wondering if she's in her room or maybe the bathroom. I can't find her anywhere. "Where you at ma," I yell before calling her cell. She picks up on the third ring and who do I hear in the background? My boyfriend loud and clear laughing.
"Who's that," he whispers suddenly. I could scream. Who did he think?!
"We at Friday's what you want back?"
"Back? Ma.. Y'all really went to eat without me?!"
"Oh girl hush."
"Why was Kellan at the house and y'all ain't care to call me? That's aight.. I'm coming now."
"Megan, chill," Kellan cuts in.
"What? You don't want me there?"
"I ain't say that.."
"Tuh! Look nigga. This between me and MY mama so you can butt outta this one."
"HEY," she snaps but she's cut off.
"I'm just tryna know mom a bit more. I'll see you when I bring her back," Kellan says. "Love you," they say in unison. The call drops and I'm left staring at my phone screen. I didn't even get to tell them what I wanted from there.
Grabbing the keys to my mom's car, I go there anyway and I look from the door once I'm inside to see if I see them sitting down at a booth or at the bar, but they're not in there. Curious, I sit in the car and call again.
"Y'all ain't even get my order before you rudely hung up. Before y'all leave Friday's can I get the chicken and shrimp?"
"Yup," she says.
"How's the food, y'all been there a while."
"I'm not gossiping about you if that's what you asking," she mumbles and I roll my eyes wondering what would make them lie to me.
"Nevermind. I'm a let y'all enjoy each other's company without me," I snap hanging up. I go into the Fridays and get a free chicken sandwich and when I get home I start painting. I use every tip to create something that looks like I didn't even paint it, that's how good it looks and I'm only half done when mom and Kellan mozy through the door laughing with mom holding a food bag. "Is that my food," I ask.
"Yeah, lil girl, take this bag and gone."
Kellan laughs and tries to kiss me on the forehead but I move and ignore him until he gets the point.
"Seriously..," he kisses his teeth and I take my stuff to my room, closing the door. I'm close to breaking up with him.
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"And then they lied about where they went that's what really pissed me off," I seethe squeezing the hell out of my Sprite. It's a vending machine and student lounge day. Yaya has McDonald's that she got her other friend to bring her.
"Take half these fries." She dumps them on a napkin. "Maybe they went to a different Friday's."
I glare. "No, Yaya."
"Okay then they lied. What you gonna do about it, dump them both?" She squeezes ketchup on her fries and I grab the other pack.
"No just him. I don't want to, but he's really irritating me with these mommy issues and he doesn't think it's a problem."
"Alright so dump him. Maybe you can go for that model guy. What's his name?"
"I don't wanna just dump him though, you don't get it. I want to because he's pissing me off but then again I don't want to because I do still like him. I just want him to take me serious and stop!"
"But he hasn't and you know he won't.. so NEXT. What about that guy?"
"Erik? I don't know what to think about him and I don't need to trade one issue for another one if you feel me."
"You only spoke to him twice, maybe if y'all had an actual conversation.."
"You saw how that went when I tried."
"He was doing a job, what did you expect? Him to stop and talk to you the whole time?"
Nah.. Just most of it. "Besides when would I run into him again, those two times were by chance." The gallery showing comes to mind. I took the brochure from COLORS when I went and the event starts this Friday and lasts the weekend. Slim odds of catching him if he goes. "Anyway, I'm just venting to you. Not asking for instant solutions."
She shrugs sipping her drink, simple as that.
"So I'm going to the gallery event Friday night if my mama lends me the car."
"And there it is," she smirks from around her straw. "You act like you don't need my advice but in the end you always take it."
"Shut the fuck up," my face cracks. I wanna mean mug but my lip keeps twitching.
"That's why good things happen for you."
"Anyway.. If he's there I'll get at him. If not, I'm enjoying the gallery so win-win."
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COLORS is transformed when I walk in. Paintings line the walls and I decide to start from the left and walk my way around the entry room. They did well balancing the crappy canvases with the icy ones. They're all landscapes. Grassy hills with ponds and windmills or trees. Oceans meeting the sky. The Savannah. Dirt.. Rain.. Storms. The topic changes with every room or space. When I get to the sip & paint room, it's human portraits. If I had known I could submit mine, I would've. Still, it's fun to look at everyone else's. I see April's name next to a painting of a guy, not Erik, but a different model. I wonder if anyone else submitted their work.
Moving onto the next cluster of portraits I see a tall beanie from the corner of my eye. Turning, I'm shocked to find my ulterior motive for coming standing eight feet away from me, staring at a portrait.
"Erik," I whisper getting his attention and he does a double take. He hadn't noticed me. "We can't keep meeting like this, just say you want me," I joke rubbing my palms together. He loves it, he's smiling as he comes over to my side draping his arm over my shoulders.
"Where's your painting," he asks now scanning the wall for it.
"At home. I didn't know we could submit them for this, I surely would have." I really would have, I'm a little disappointed that I didn't know.
"Aw, I wanted to see it.. I showed you mine..," his eyes twinkle flirtatiously. He really is a troll.. but not better than me.
"And it was (chef's kiss)," I tease watching humor briefly flood his eyes. "I'll bring my painting to show you but when would I see you?"
He thinks about it. "When you coming by COLORS again?"
"Rather than a drive-by why don't we just paint one night?"
"Aight," he nods. "Say when. I have classes, but when I'm free.."
"What school you go to?"
"Brandman.. You know it?"
My face gives it away. Of course I know it, that's Kellan's school. I wonder if they ever met.
"What program?"
"General Business."
That's Kellan's program.
"You know Kellan?" I'm on edge right now.
"Yeah I know Kellan, wait.. you hisss- ?"
"Girlfriend," I fill in the blank and he nods letting go of my shoulders. In this moment I wish I were single. This just got awkward.
"Look," he sighs. "I don't want any negative energy surrounding me, my karmic energy is pure as of now.. So please don't take it wrong that I can't meet up with you in good conciousness."
"We can't.. be friends?" I shrug.  I sound crazy right now.
"We can, but nothing beyond. No flirtation," he stares laying down the law. I get it. No line crossing.
"That's all I had in mind," I smile, a lie on my breath. If he smells it he doesn't call it out. "What's your contact, we can link and paint. I'll still bring the portrait."
He gives me his number and we part ways, him moving on to enjoy the exhibit while I move in a different direction to do the same. I don't notice when he leaves, I only notice that I haven't seen him. When I leave, I call my mom.
"Bring my car," she says. She leaves almost as soon as I get there so I call Kellan to come over.
"Hey baby," he greets squeezing my cheeks at the door like I'm five. I don't like that because my older brother used to do that before he moved. I stare as Kellan goes in the fridge for juice like he lives here.
"Why can't you kiss me like a normal boyfriend? I don't understand."
"What? Aw, come here. Big baby." He gives me a bear hug planting his lips on my forehead which isn't much different to me, but whatever. I'm tired of talking about it. I pull him to my room and push him to my bed. Of course he doesn't fight me, he just falls and lets me climb him. "You feeling frisky huh," he grins. I hate that word. My hand goes directly over his mouth.
"Don't talk." The more he talks the more turned off I get. He double hand smacks my ass and it helps, I'm back into it. We makeout until he moves me from on top.
"Left the condoms in the car. Be right back."
"Man hurry up," I yell after him and his clumsy ass knocks over my painted canvas which was backwards for a reason. He gets a glimpse and does a double take, stooping to pick it up and look at me. Here we go.
"What's this," his eyes go back and forth from the painting to my face.
"What it look like?"
"Who is this?"
"Don't start that, it's a model. I painted that last week. I also painted that self portrait," I point, "Those plants," I point again, "That fruit bowl." Neither of which are paintings he cared to see. I'd have shown him.
"Whose dick is this and why you painting naked men, was you in the room with him?"
"The room?"
"Here.. or his place?"
"Are you dumb? That's not how it works." He looks like I'm lying, his side-eye trained on me. "This is why I can't share my art with you, you either don't care or you judgy. I don't like that."
"I don't like you drawing dicks and thinking that's cool. You had to really focus on it didn't you? Did you like it?"
"Oh my God," I'm regretting calling him over now. If it's not one issue with him it's another. "It's ART. You don't see like that as an artist. It's purely interpreting and recording the human form."
"But you ain't deny it.. You liked looking at it."
"What is wrong with you? I'm not doing this with you, I don't have to explain myself." That fast I'm over it and I want him out. "You can go. I'm tired. I'm going to sleep."
"You want me out so you can call this nigga," he mutters. "Who is he? I know him. He looks familiar."
He's staring at the picture so hard I decide to tell him. It's not like I have anything to hide. "He's an art model. Me and my classmates went to COLORS, a sip & paint where we all created these artworks.. and as it turns out you do know him. He goes to Brandman."
"I knew he looked familiar," he mutters still staring at the picture.
"Yeah, he said he knows you. Decent guy. I told him I was your girlfriend. Very respectful." He looks up at that and I roll my eyes. I shouldn't even be explaining. "You know, you could come to COLORS if you're that concerned."
He sits my painting back down and rubs through his mass or curly hair like he's stressed. I don't understand why he's so bothered by this, but I knew it would happen. "When," he asks.
"I'll let you know. In the meantime, goodbye because I'm tired.. of this conversation and your nonsense, I knew you'd trip over absolutely nothing."
"Nothing looks like a whole lot that I ain't fuckin with.. I bet ma don't know about this."
"GET OUT." I all but shove him out the door. I'd dump him right now if I didn't think he'd attribute it to Erik. Also Erik would think I did it because of him. I have to wait. I should've just dumped him back when Yaya said something. I don't even wanna go to COLORS anymore because all Kellan will do is ruin the vibe.
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From the time Erik came through the door, Kellan has been acting up and saying lil slick shit that Erik's been graciously ignoring. It's embarrassing! Luckily I warned Erik about Kellan ahead of time so he knew what to expect. I, however, was somehow still caught off guard.
Moving his brush across the canvas, Erik's focused face is one worth painting. "You have to have an artistic bone in you somewhere Kells.. Eeeeveryone has one thing.. they can do artistically."
"Nah. I'm not artistic and I don't care for it outside of Megan's art."
"Hm," I mutter so only Kellan hears it. He doesn't care for my art either, but I keep that to myself and work on my painting. It's a guided paint night where we all paint the same picture, a star fall over snowcapped mountains and steep water valleys. I peak at Kellan's painting. "That's a cute mountain, you know if you use your brush and stipple you could get some texture." Taking a brush, I dip it in a little paint just to show him what I mean.
"You gone paint it or me," he says, so I put the brush down and let him do him.
"Small world.. How y'all meet?"
"We kept bumping into each other," I answer though it was addressed to both Erik and I. "Rest is history."
"Where and when did y'all bump into each other?"
Turning to Kellan, I mouth 'stop' because he's about to make things awkward AGAIN. I wish I didn't invite him, but I thought he'd chill if he saw there was nothing going on. Erik's been trying to be chill the whole time but I see the irritation. "I'm sorry you got wrapped up in this," I apologize as he tries to make it look like it's no big deal.
"Don't apologize for me," Kellan blurts with silence following. It's so much negative energy.
"So Erik.." We need a subject change. "How good is that model money? I may be interested."
"No you not. You'll do no such thing," Kellan stares, daring me to oppose. It takes me right back to being irritated.
"Don't tell me what to do Kellan. You ain't ever did that before I don't know why you think it's cool now.. Anyway.. How is it," I ask Erik again.
"You get a lil something, it depends. Ask me again in the winter."
"Oh no, stick to the warm weather I got you!"
"You ain't got shit. Ma would kill you," Kellan blurts.
"You mean MY mom would kill me? Mine?? I'm grown.. What are you talking about," I glare.
"You grown until ma beat that ass. That's broke hoe activity, getting naked for people. Call it whatever you want, you're still showing your body. Male or female."
I pause. "This from the nigga fuckin me in my mama's house?.. Try again. And call her ma one more time, I'ma sleep you. I keep telling you stop acting like we siblings. It's weird. I already have a big brother and you are not him."
"You salty. Don't bring up personal issues in public, that's a me and you situation."
"What the! I'm about to-" I wanna slap this blue paint on his face. "I can't do this." I drop my brush and grab my bag. "I gotta go, Erik, I'm sorry and I hope we can still be cool. If not, I get it. Completely. I'm out though."
Kellan follows me out. "You forget we came together?"
"Nah you did. What the fuck was that in there," I point to COLORS. We're in the parking lot. "You had to embarrass me, didn't you?"
"So I'm an embarrassment."
"Take me home," I snap jumping in the passenger seat of his car. When we get to my building I get out and slam the door. "I'm done. We're over, don't call me don't at me."
"It's because of Erik, ain't it. You wanted him that's why you creating problems with me."
"It's because of yo ass! I tell you the same thing all the time. You don't care, you don't listen. You ain't interested in nothing I'm interested in. You won't even try and tonight doesn't count because the only reason you came with me was to embarrass me. You were rude as fuck for what? Jealousy? He barely said two words."
"Bet you can quote both though." He looks so smug.
"You ain't hear nothing else I said."
When I get to the apartment, I look at the painting I meant to show Erik. I left it in my room because Kellan wanted me to give it to Erik for him to keep so I couldn't look at it.. As if I sit in my room lusting over painted dick. Either way, I wasn't about to give it up, it's portfolio material. Kellen can go.. if anything.
160 notes · View notes
scribbleb-red · 4 years
Text
Honey, I’m home - A Morning AU
When Neil and Andrew buy their first house together, it’s a bit of a shitshow. 
They both manage to come down to the house for a long weekend, and they unload the boxes and shelves without too much trouble - not like either carry much with them, even now.
They sleep on a mattress in their soon-to-be bedroom and laugh and laugh (or Neil laughs and Andrew’s face twitches, which is basically a laugh for him) as they cheers to being together and watch the cats sniff around their new home.
But Andrew has to go back to Denver on the Monday morning - he rolls over and pulls Neil tight and kisses the space between his shoulder blades, quietly wishing he didn’t have to go, even briefly.
He’ll be back, it’s only three weeks. 
His asshole coach just won’t let him out of his contract early despite the end to their playing season.
Neil is soft and rumpled in the morning light - hair lightened by the sun, freckles clear against his warm, gold skin. 
Andrew would keep him close as long as possible. Neil doesn’t stir for a few minutes, waking with a cattish yawn and stretch before burrowing closer to Andrew.
The sound is all Neil and it makes Andrew’s chest feel warm and tight and he’s beyond hate for this feeling.
He despises leaving even more. 
His head is full of warm smiles. His skin remembers warm hands and warmer kisses. His throat will wear the marks on it until he next sees Neil. It’s not enough. 
But it’ll have to do for now.
*
Neil - of course - should not be allowed to manage a house on his own. 
Free of the exy season, he’s determined to make the house a home by the time Andrew comes back. 
It does not end well.
Day 1, he forgets to shut the catflap and the cats escape into the garden, with Neil spending hours panicking over them. 
Day 2, the sofa arrives. Neil mismeasured the doorway and it doesn’t fit. Day 3, the wall Neil’s painting is too tall for him, even standing on a chair.
Matt and Dan come to the rescue the first weekend. 
Neil is frazzled and apparently refuses to call Andrew because he knows he’ll hear the panic in his voice and that’ll make things harder for Andrew being away and that’s not fair to either of them because it’s already shit and—
Matt gives Neil the biggest hug and paints the sodding wall that Neil can’t reach - and then the other walls that need touch ups too. 
Dan remeasures the door and helps Neil find a sofa. It’ll be delivered ‘soon’, which apparently means three to eight weeks.
“It can’t come for when Andrew’s back?” 
“Sorry sweetie,” Dan strokes his hair that night, after they’ve eaten takeout on the living room floor with paper plates. “But it won’t be long.”
They help him with the dining room, this at least isn’t too hard. 
Andrew had found an antique table and some white painted chairs - the whole thing looks okay. 
One room is okay, Neil thinks. That’s good.
The kitchen, Neil really doesn’t get. He enlists Nicky over the phone and ends up with multicoloured dishes from anthropology and a myriad of utensils that he’s fairly certain started life as torture devices. 
Nicky does let Erik guide him through pots and pans and such. “You’ve seriously only got a wok? Really?” 
Neil shrugs. It cooks everything he knows how to cook - which is basically dahl or stirfry. He doesn’t get why this is such a big deal.
Job ticked, he asks Allison about decor and she just howls. 
“Don’t even try, babe,” she says, “Wait for Andrew - he at least has style, if nothing else.”  
But she sees his dejected expression over FaceTime and sighs. 
“Fine, I’ll be there Saturday.”
So Saturday happens and Allison does things to Neil’s living room that should be illegal - but at least it looks, kinda nice? 
“Kinda? It looks modern af, and your boyfriend will love it.” 
It’s minimal and bright and she’s overexposed one wall where she’s hung a dozen photos.
“It’s a feature wall,” she says. “Don’t fuck it up.”
Neil tries not to take it to heart - but this house isn’t for him right now, it’s for Andrew and he wants to make sure it’s okay for *them*, together. 
“Does it feel like us?” He asks the cats when Allison is gone. 
King offers a slow blink. Sir licks her bits and walks away.
*
End of week two, Neil speaks to Andrew, falls asleep on the phone to him after sending every photo of every room to him. 
Before he drifts off, Andrew says he likes it. Maybe they can colour code the bookcase when he’s back. 
Neil likes the idea of doing something together.
*
Still - no bed frame, no sofa - things feel cosmetic. 
Neil manages to get a frame but can’t put it together. He stares hopelessly after a few hours, ikea DIY beyond him. 
The cats escape again. This time, no sign of King for a whole day, but she comes home for dinner.
The plumbing goes a bit weird - pressure doing weird things so he bleeds the radiators, which sprays water all over his new walls. 
Then the boiler goes. Something to do with the flue.
It’s cold and Neil hates the cold - reminds him too much of being alone and on the run and homeless (and there’s a reason he ended up in Millport where it was too hot most of the time).
He calls Andrew and tries not to sound too awful but Andrew hears the stress there. 
“Don’t run, rabbit. I’m nearly home.” 
“I know, I know, I’m not thinking of running. I just...” miss you, he doesn’t say.
Andrew still hears him. “Me too,” he says. 
And they breathe together.
Kevin, weirdly, is the one who comes to fix Neil’s boiler. Apparently he had a similar problem and he brings Jeremy Knox with him. 
“Dad was a plumber,” Knox explains. “Well, was before he started his own company and grew it - but he made sure we all knew how to fix a boiler.”
So the boiler is fixed and Kevin helps Neil with the bed - and Jean oversees with a scornful little tip of his chin. 
At lunchtime, Jean makes a veritable French feast - all cheeses and meats and colourful treats. 
Neil feels looked after and strangely fond of the thruple.
“Don’t ruin it by being grateful,” Jean warns him. “Kevin will bring it up for years if you say thank you.” 
So Neil smiles and eats and stays quiet.
Jeremy warns him that the fix isn’t permanent - they’ll need a new boiler sooner rather than later but this should tide them over. Neil doesn’t care - at least Andrew can come home and have a hot shower. At least *he* can have a hot shower tonight.
*
Andrew comes home a day early - he told his coach he was going and was gone. 
He walks in to find Neil curled up on the worst chaise he’s ever seen - clearly a donation to help them get from now to sofa. 
But Neil is beautiful.
The cats are curled close to him. The afternoon sun pale and bright. 
He wakes Neil with a kiss to his forehead, another to his nose. 
“Honey,” he says with a stupid twitch of his lips, “I’m home.”
The End
617 notes · View notes
shewritestheblues · 4 years
Text
the Elevator Bae - 13
Chapter Thirteen
Erik Stevens x Black OC (Phoenix) 
A/N: This series is almost to its end. I will be ending with Chapter 15. Thank You so much to everyone who has read and shared this story. I adore all of you soooooo much :)
---------------------------------------------------------
How did two months go by so fast? Tour was coming to an end and It was bittersweet for Phoenix. She was able to finally see just how many people enjoyed her music and travel alongside one of her greatest friends but she missed Luna. She missed Erik? That’s been the confusing part. She didn’t really miss him but seeing how he’s been with Luna has warmed her heart. He’s been sending her videos and pictures daily. His bright smile seems to light up her world when she FaceTimes him to see Luna.
The closer she’s been getting to the last performing date, the more her anxiety has been surfacing. Since Erik’s been back, it was dropping Luna off because she had rehearsals and meetings and then tour. (A week during tour, Erik flew in to Detroit for Phoenix to have Luna while she visited family and he was on his way back to LA.) Their only interactions have been for Luna and they were good with that. She was good with that. There wasn’t any time for anything else. But soon, the tour will be over and she’ll be taking some time from work. Will things change? Have they already started to change?
Phoenix knew she was sure that this is what she wanted. For them to only focus on their daughter. All of these thoughts were swimming through her pool of a mind. Currently sitting in her hotel room, reading the comments under Erik’s latest IG upload weren’t helping. He just posted a picture of him and Luna while they were out. He had taken her shopping with him and snapped a picture of them in the dressing room mirror. It was the cutest picture. Luna looked unbothered while looking at the phone through the mirror. This kid had so many moods to be new here. Phoenix’s mom joked that Luna’s been here before.
Phoenix found herself smiling at the caption.
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‘Luna ain’t having it with you hoes today.’
Erik’s captions were always… very Erik. And the comments full of women that Phoenix assumed were from Erik’s past or women who dreamed of being a part of his future.
‘She’s beautiful Erik.’
‘I still can’t believe Erik Stevens is somebody’s daddy.’
‘Lol, she’s so cute. Does she need a brother?’
‘Damn E. You make beautiful babies.’
‘Call me, E. 😘’
Phoenix wasn’t jealous. He was single. This was her decision. But sometimes, she hoped he would post something about her. Well, you know, because she is Luna’s mother of course. Maybe a shoutout?
No, no. She caught herself. She didn’t actually need that. Everyone following Erik knew who Luna’s mother was. Phoenix was fine. She. Was. Fine. These feelings? These thoughts? They will pass. So, she exited the app. It was time for rest and rest is definitely what Phoenix needed.
—————
Everything was… okay! Phoenix had worked herself up and things between her and Erik were good. They had the perfect schedule since she’s been back home. Erik would have Luna every other weekend. He’d come over to spend time with her during his ‘off days.’ They’d joke like old times. Even Ava had warmed back up to Erik. Of course things could never be what they used to be but this was a good start to making their situation feel somewhat normal.
“So tell me Phoenix, how has your transition back home been?” Dr. McKee wasted no time. She was eager to hear how Phoenix had been managing on her own.
Phoenix didn’t go back to therapy right away when she came back home. She figured she would take some time to test the waters and see if she would handle things with the methods she’s learned.
Releasing a deep breath, “Everything is good.” Phoenix finally says. “I’m happy.”
A genuine smile grew onto Dr. McKee’s face. “That’s amazing Phoenix. I’m honestly so proud of you.”
“Thanks. I’m proud of myself too.”
“So,” Dr. McKee paused, “What made you want to come in today?”
“I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m supposed to be using this time off to relax but I can’t. I feel like I should be doing something. Too much down time makes me think and when I think, I overthink. When I overthink, I get antsy. Then I feel anxious. Which only leads to a panic attack. I just don’t know what to do with this energy.” Phoenix stops herself to take a deep, calculated breath.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Did I make the right choice— No! I know that I did but…” Phoenix trails off.
“But what?”
“Luna loves him so much. The way she lights up when she sees him. She deserves to be that happy every day. I want her to feel what I feel. I’m happy.”
“Sounds like you’re trying to convince someone of that.”
The way Phoenix rolled her neck, she felt offended. How dare her own therapist insult her like this? Phoenix was happy! She didn’t have to convince anyone. She rolled her eyes at the idea. The nerve of this highly educated woman.
“I’m not trying to upset you Phoenix. I’m just trying to understand.”
“So are you saying I don’t make any sense right now?” Phoenix snapped back.
Cool, calm and collected, Dr. McKee blinks, “I’m not saying that at all. You make perfect sense. I just want you to share as much as you can so we can get to the root of what brought you here today.”
Phoenix closed her eyes and chewed on her lip. She internally chastised herself for being snappy. “It’s just,” she slowly began, “the way he looks at me with those puppy dog eyes. Even when he’s laughing, his eyes are saying something else. Like… he’s trying to slowly drown me. When he looks at me, his eyes linger like they’re trying to get me to catch on to something.”
Phoenix opens her eyes and focuses on the floor. “I’m not changing my mind. He’s always been a smooth operator but unfortunately for him, I know that. He doesn’t get to come around and make me feel guilty for choosing what’s right for my baby.” Phoenix paused. “Our baby.” She whispered that last part.
Dr. McKee takes some notes. She opens her mouth to speak but Phoenix beats her to it.
“I understand. I really do. Erik wants to give Luna the family experience. I want that for her too. But the family we’ve all created for her is fine.”
“I agree, Phoenix. So many of us get caught up in the idea of a traditional family. But family is whoever loves you unconditionally. From what I know, you, Erik, Coby, Ava and the entire tribe you guys have around you love Luna beyond this world. That’s more than enough. You’re a great mom. Great moms make tough decisions every day, but great moms also know each decision is for the greater good of their family.”
Phoenix smiles. It feels good to hear that someone sees you and your hard work and the sacrifices for what they are. Dr. McKee was right. They may not be the traditional family, but Luna is still surrounded by a loving tribe that is unique to her.
“But,” Dr. McKee continues, “you can’t attach yourself to Erik and what he may be feeling about this. You’ve made yourself clear what you wanted. You’re happy and Luna’s happy. There’s no need to ruffle anymore feathers here.”
Dr. McKee turns to her laptop and begins typing away on her keyboard. After a few clicks, she turns to Phoenix again.
“I’ve emailed you a list of things that could help you during your free time. I want you relax and enjoy this time off as best as you can before it’s time to get back to work. You deserve it.”
“I’m going to my best.”
—————
Phoenix wasn’t in a rush to leave the parking lot of Dr. McKee’s office after her session. She sat in her car going over the list in her email.
Ways to Relax Your Brain:
-Workout.
-Take an art class.
-Plant a Garden.
-Read some good books.
-Get out in Nature.
Phoenix wasn’t gifted with a green thumb, so gardening was out of the question. She works out pretty consistently, but it hasn’t worked out with calming her thoughts so that one is scratched off. Art class felt like work and books? She’s read every book that resides in Coby’s house. She was tired of reading. Looks like getting out in Nature would be worth a shot.
She’s always loved the beach but she couldn’t remember the last time she’s been to a beach.
—————
Phoenix found herself in a very familiar spot. A picnic table on the beach, watching the beach goers enjoy themselves. The waves look beautiful as they rolled in onto the sand. The sounds of splashing seemed more soothing than Phoenix ever realized. Time seemed to be passing so slow. Everything in the world has come to a calming pause. Her mind wasn’t racing. Her heart wasn’t pounding. Tranquility was all Phoenix could come up with to describe this feeling. She had no worries, no fears, no anxiety.
The sounds of an ice cream truck moving through the parking lot near her, caught her ear. The thought of eating something sweet without her infant bullying her into sharing seemed like a great win. She stood from her seat and seemingly floated to the truck.
“Hello, what can I get you?” the older man inside the truck said with a contagious smile.
“Um,” she tapped her chin with her index finger, “I’ll go with chocolate on a waffle cone.”
“Coming up.”
Moments later, Phoenix exchanges her money for the ice cream cone and travels back to her spot at the picnic table. She picked up where she left off admiring all that surrounds her. She ate her ice cream with a pleased smile pinching at her cheeks.
The small vibration of her phone pulled her from her trance. Erik is facetiming her. She assumed he was calling to see Luna so she swiped to answer the call.
“Hey, E. I’m not with Luna right now.”
“That’s cool. I called to talk to you.”
“Oh, um, okay. What’s up?” This made her suspicious.
“The Outreach Center will be opening this Friday. We’re doing a whole big thing and uh, I wanted to invite you if you aren’t busy. Shuri told me that if I didn’t call you right now, she would never talk to me again.”
Phoenix was mid bite into her cone and almost dropped it from laughter. “Well, you know I have nothing to do. Tell Shuri that me and Luna will be there.”
“Alright.” Erik paused, eyeing Phoenix’s background through the phone. “Aye! You’re at the beach?”
“Yeah. I just needed a moment. Needed to get out of the house, I guess.”
“Everything’s alright?” His words were soft, genuine.
“Yeah, yeah. Everything is good.”
Erik didn’t believe her. He could tell something was bothering her but he didn’t want to push her. That wasn’t his place. Well not anymore at least.
“Well you know, no matter what, you can always come to me.”
“Yeah, E. I know.”
“Alright, I have some shit to get done before Friday. I’ll let you get back to your me time. I’ll text the details later.”
“K…”
“Kiss my baby for me when you get back home please.”
“I will.”
The call ends and Phoenix is frozen. Erik calls her while she’s sitting in the very spot he’d taken her when he needed to clear his mind. This use to be their spot. Her peace was broken then. Erik was everywhere. Even when he wasn’t there. She looked around and threw in the towel. Her time here was up. She finished her ice cream cone on her walk back to her car. She was ready to get back home to get her daughter.
---------------
The week had flown by. Phoenix was just sitting on Dr. McKee’s couch. She was just at the beach. But now, it was opening day for the Outreach Center. Phoenix couldn’t understand why she was feeling so nervous. She had this gut feeling that something was off. Her and Erik were good. She loved T’Challa, Shuri and Queen Mother and they all adored her. She wrecked her brain trying to come up with an answer.
Phoenix called her mom. She would understand and maybe help her with her feelings.
“Something just doesn’t feel right, Ma.” Phoenix props the phone up on her dresser while she gets Luna dressed.
“That’s your intuition, baby. If you feel like something ain’t right, it’s because something ain’t right.”
“But I don't know what it is. It’s driving insane.”
“The only way to find out is to go and face whatever it is.”
Phoenix finishes dressing Luna. She places her in her bouncer in front of the phone so that Luna can see her grandmother on FaceTime.
“Hey baby girl.” Phoenix’s mom dotes on the bouncing baby. “You’re looking more and more like your grandma everyday.”
Phoenix cuts her eye at the phone. “She looks like her dad.”
Phoenix catches her mom rolling her eyes.
“You can’t hate him forever, Ma. He’s going to be around for a long time.”
“I don’t hate him. I just think he’s stupid. Maybe if he pays for a round trip for me to go to Wakanda, I’ll forgive him.”
“Mom!”
“Those are my terms Phoenix and I ain’t changing them. Ain’t that right Lulu? Tell your stupid ass daddy to send me to Wakanda.”
“Alright Luna,” Phoenix picks Luna up, “Your grandma is on all bullshit today.”
“Hey! What your mouth around my grandbaby.”
In disbelief, Phoenix looks at the camera, “But you just said a bad word.”
“Ass isn’t a bad word.”
“Okay, ma. Whatever you say. We have to go so I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Alright. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
----------------
Phoenix was roaming the large, empty halls of the Outreach Center. She had been inside multiple times while dropping off Luna to Erik or picking her up. She had checked Erik’s office, looking for him but he was nowhere to be found. She was making her way back outside when she sees Shuri. 
“Shuri!” Phoenix stops her, “Have you seen Erik?”
“Philly! I’m so happy you’re here.” She pulls Phoenix into a tight hug. Phoenix embraces her back and their body’s rock. “I missed you. Hey Lulu.” Shuri adds pinching Luna’s chubby cheeks.
“I told you that you can over whenever.” Phoenix adjusts Luna on her hip. Luna was getting heavier every day.
Before Shuri could respond, she looks up and sees Erik walking straight toward them. “Oh there’s the little T-Rex.” She points in the direction of Erik.
When Phoenix turns around, Erik is walking with that famous dip. His dreads are back into a ponytail and he’s sporting a navy blue suit that’s tailored to perfection. He’s always had great style. The smile on Phoenix’s face slowly began to drop when she noticed the tall, curvy, well dressed woman walking alongside Erik. That uneasy feeling she felt when she was home crept up from her stomach and settled in her chest. She tried to control her breathing before it picked up. She wouldn’t allow herself to get worked up before knowing what was going on.
“There you are. Philly was looking for you.” Shuri says. She turns to Phoenix, “Come find me later. We have so much to catch up on.” Shuri walks off.
Phoenix isn’t sure what she’s supposed to do. She awkwardly stands there looking around to avoid looking at the woman standing next to Erik.
“Hey, Phoenix,” Erik grabs her attention and motions to the mystery woman. “This is Alicia. Alicia, this is Phoenix.”
Alicia sticks her hand out and shakes Phoenix’s hand. “Oh my goodness, you’re Phoenix? I’ve heard so much about you. Hey Lulu.” Alicia rubs her thumb on Luna’s arm.
Lulu? The only people who calls her Lulu are people who are close to her. It’s obvious that this woman has been around Luna a great deal.
“Oh…Hm. It’s nice to meet you.”
Her eyes bounce between Alicia and Erik a few times before they lock in with Erik’s. She can’t read him. These are not the same eyes he usually looks at her with. He licks his lips. This woman isn’t just a random woman that Erik decided to introduce to her. Something was up between the two of them.
Luna throws her body backwards trying to get to her dad. Erik scoops her up with one quick motion, taking her from Phoenix. He peppers kisses all over her cheeks before checking his watch. “We’re gonna miss the opening ceremony. We should get outside.”
“You guys go ahead.” Alicia says, “I have to use the lady’s room. I’ll catch up.”
“Okay. You know where to find me.” Erik says with a smirk. Alicia places a hand on his arm and walks off toward the restroom.
Erik and Phoenix began the journey outside to watch T’Challa give the opening ceremony speech. As they approached the big door that led out, Phoenix looked to Erik. “She seems nice.”
“She is.” Erik tries to bite back his smile.
“Good. You need someone nice.”
Erik stops walking. He was stunned by her words. How did she manage to put those pieces together? His words got caught and he struggled with a response. Phoenix picked up on his struggles.
“She called Luna, Lulu. That told me everything, Erik.”
He caught on. “I wanted to tell you before now, but I didn’t really know how.”
“It’s fine. As long as she makes you happy, there’s nothing to talk about. Things may not have worked out with us but I can see that you’re a better man. Someone should get to experience that.”
Phoenix doesn’t stick around to hear how he may react. She walks ahead leaving him and Luna and goes outside. Erik stood there processing her words. Alicia catches up to him. She could see that something had shaken him up.
“Erik, is everything okay?” her eyes searched him for any kind of answer. “Did something happen with Phoenix?”
He finally looks at her, “No, nothing happened. She just, uh, she thinks you’re nice.” A single dimple appearing.
A small smile forms on Alicia’s face. “So does this mean that I’m Phoenix approved?”
They laugh. He steps closer to her and plants a kiss on her lips. Alicia’s face goes red. “Not in front of Luna.” she plays.
Erik opens the door for them and they walk out just in time as T’Challa takes the stage.
As the day progressed, Erik was talking to so many people. He found himself explaining different parts of the Outreach Center over and over but he didn’t complain. Alicia stayed by his side, mingling while Luna bounced around between the two of them and Queen Mother. It wasn’t until T’Challa pulled Erik aside to ask where Phoenix was that Erik realized that he hadn’t seen her since their exchange. His eyes searched through the crowd hoping to see her somewhere. To his disappointment, she was nowhere to be found.
He texted her.
Erik: Hey, Philly. Where did you go?
Time passed and he never received a text back.
Phoenix’s thumbs hovered over her keyboard but she just couldn’t find it in her to say anything back. When Erik didn’t come outside for the ceremony right after her, she snuck out and left. Luna was in good hands and she just couldn’t stick around. She meant what she said. She really did see Erk for the better man that he had become. He was an amazing person and even more amazing father. It wouldn’t be fair for her to want him to not move on. Again, she reminded herself that this was best.
“Philly. Come get your glass.” Mica yelled from the kitchen.
When Phoenix got back home, she told Ava what had happened and Ava called Mica and Camren over for girl talk and wine. They were all between their third and fourth cups. Hours had gone by and Phoenix still couldn’t text Erik back. She just says “fuck it,” and tossed her phone on the couch and heads into the kitchen for her refill.
When Phoenix gets a hold of her assigned wine glass, she downs it in seconds. Her friends watch on in shock.
“Damn Philly, calm down.” Camren says.
“I’m grown, Camren. You don’t have to tell me how to drink some weak ass wine.”
Mica clutches her pearls. This isn’t like Phoenix at all.
“What’s wrong with you?” Ava asks. “Is this about Erik?”
Phoenix throws daggers at Ava with her heavy eyes. “Everything ain’t about Erik. I’m good.”
“You’re not acting good.” Mica adds.
Phoenix begins filling her glass up again. “Well since yall just know me so well, how am I acting if I’m not acting like I’m good?”
Ava snatches Phoenix’s glass. “You’re acting like you’re trying to drink your problems away.”
“I don’t have any problems to drink away. If I did, I’d be killing off something way stronger than wine.” she reaches for her glass but Ava pulls away.
“It’s obvious that this Erik shit is bothering you, sis.” Ava says.
Camren and Mica both nod in agreement.
Phoenix slams her hands down on the island counter. “Yo, fuck Erik. I don’t give a shit about what that man is doing. He’s moved on. He’s happy. I’m happy. Why are y’all holding on to this shit?”
“You’re holding on to it.” Ava yells. She’s fed up with Phoenix’s rudeness.
The gloss appearing over Phoenix’s eyes alerted her friends that she was struggling to hold back her tears. Ava reaches for her but Phoenix pulls away. She looks off at nothing when a few tears escape and flow down her cheeks. Her lips shake and she wraps her arms around herself.
“I don’t get why you’re torturing yourself. You clearly still love him.” Mica says.
“Yes!,” she aggressively wipes tears from her cheeks, “I still fucking love him, but this love ain’t mean shit. He doesn’t get to do this. He can’t just pop back up after all of this and have his life back like nothing happened.
“So,” Camren hesitates for a moment. “You’re punishing him?”
“I’m protecting myself.”
Ava steps closer to Phoenix in a nurturing way. “No, you are punishing him and yourself. Look at you. I hate what his stupid ass did just as much as you. But she’s right. We’re right. You're torturing yourself while trying to prove a point.”
“No I’m not!”
“You keep saying that he can’t do this.” Mica joins in again. “That he can’t just come back. But you can’t just pretend like you don’t care. It’s not fair to either of you.”
Phoenix doesn’t respond. She’s listening but she wishes that she wasn’t. They were right and she wishes they weren’t.
Camren breaks the silence. “We’re not trying to hurt your feelings Philly or piss you off in any way, but you can’t be hurt that he’s moving on when you’re the one that told him to.”
Mica interrupts, “So, either you can move on too or tell him how you really feel.”
The group of women notices Phoenix’s lack of responses. She’s in shut down mode. They didn’t want that but they couldn’t sit back and not tell their friend the truth about herself. Phoenix finally gets her hands on her abandoned glass of wine on the counter and downs it before silently walking away from her friends. She goes upstairs to her room. They give each other knowing looks. They would give her some time and they’ll go up to console her. Moments pass and they all suddenly hear the front door slam, scaring them. When the women rush to the door, they barely catch Phoenix just as she is nearing the end of the driveway.
Ava runs out toward the reversing car but Phoenix quickly shifts the car into drive and drives off.
“Fuck!” Ava yells. “We have to get Coby.”
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bethhxrmon · 4 years
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do flowers exist at night? -chapter three
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Chapter Three: Don’t Lose Your Head
Pairing: Steve Harrington x OC
Chapter Summary: With rumors still flying around, things have yet to get any easier for Annie. Coupling that with her terrifying illusions, it’s easy to see why it is difficult for her to not fall apart underneath everything.
Word Count: 3.2k
Warnings: Swearing, sexual harassment, Billy is the literal worst still, horror
A/N: I’ve never tried to write anything scary before so I hope that aspect of this chapter really shows! If you like this story, please let me know! Also, if you’re looking for an earlier part you can find that here. In other news, I had to publish a bit later due to technical difficulties so please send your love!
~*~*~*~
“Another book already?” Steve asked as Annie got in his car.
She shrugged, “Yeah… I only had a little over a hundred pages left so I kinda went for it.”
“I think that’s gonna take you a bit more time to get through,” he said, glancing over at her as he pulled out of her driveway.
“It’d also take a bit more effort for some asshole to rip it apart.”
“Ah, you got me there.”
Annie laughed a bit, “It’s whatever. I’ve been meaning to read this for a while now. Like, my dad’s this big, fancy literature professor. He said War and Peace was the biggest waste of time and space, so I’m gonna see if he’s right or if he’s full of shit as usual.”
“So you’re reading out of spite?” he asked, furrowing his brows, “Is he gonna say anything?”
She fidgeted with the corner of the hardcover book, “Well, I’m not sure he’s ever gonna know. He kinda stayed in New York. I haven’t seen him in… almost a month I think.”
“Oh.”
Annie shrugged, “It’s not a huge deal, my mom and I are figuring it out.”
The rest of the car ride was filled with a rather awkward silence. Maybe if she hadn’t said anything about her family, the remainder of the ride would have been better. At the same time, there were more awkward things she could have easily brought up, but didn’t.
Soon enough, Steve pulled into a parking spot at the school. Annie thanked him before getting out and going off to the school. Maybe it was abrupt, but she didn’t think Steve wanted to talk to her too much.
Not that she took that too personally, he had plenty of issues of his own. Then again, so did she. That was evidenced by the lack of makeup on her face and the clothes she wore. After all, flipping up overalls was impossible. With a flannel and shirt on top of all that, she was sure she would be fine today. Maybe all the rumors stopped overnight and there was something else going on.
However, as Annie walked, she could hear the whispers still. Just like yesterday. She carefully dodged a couple guys in the hall as she went to her locker. If she just laid low, it would blow over. It had to blow over at some point. Then she saw her locker.
"PROPERTY OF MISTRESS ANNETTE HARDWICK, A COCKSUCKING SLUT" was scrawled sloppily on the locker. Her eyes widened and immediately she rushed up to it, trying to rub it off with the sleeve of her flannel. When none of the black sharpie came off onto her dark green sleeves, she clenched the grip on her book. This simply wasn't happening.
A part of her wanted to curl up and cry right then. Everyone was staring and she could feel the eyes boring into her back. She bit the inside of her cheek to the point it almost drew blood.
"I don't think that's gonna come out, real shame," said a voice belonging to Billy Hargrove.
Annie crossed her arms, "Go fuck yourself."
"Shouldn't you be doing that for me?" he asked, leaning in close.
She swallowed hard and backed up before turning and walking off. It had to have been him. The way he looked at her made her wish she could have turned invisible. Why hadn't she said something? There had to have been some biting remark she could have given, but nothing came out. Soon enough, she found herself sitting under a stairwell.
A moment later, Steve ducked under. It was clear he was more cramped in the space than Annie was.
He crouched down next to her, "Hey, Annie, I'm so, so sorry-"
"It's not your fault," she said, staring at the white linoleum.
Steve sighed, "But isn't it? Look, I can try and help you paint over it or something or request another locker. I just... I'm sorry."
"You don't have to do any of that. I'll just get through today and maybe everyone can find someone else to poke fun at over the weekend," she replied.
"Hey, just take the help, okay? And maybe I can rip that Hargrove guy a new one for your trouble."
She let out a small laugh, "I'd love to see that, but I can take care of myself."
"I'll do it, can't have some asshole picking on my friend," he said right before the bell rang, "But seriously, are you sure you can hack it today? I can take you home or something and I can try to clear everything up."
Annie nodded, moving to get up, "I can take it, okay?"
At least, that was what she thought as she went to biology. It was just a few hours and then she was free for a whole weekend. Surely she could get through the knots in her stomach for the day.
Nothing let up, though. A few notes asking her if King Steve could still "get it" was the tipping point for her. Maybe no one touched her today, but the notes managed to hold the exact same sentiment. It made her want to run and wash her face despite the fact nothing was on it.
Having decided to then blow off the remainder of the day, she slipped a note into Steve's locker so he knew she went home. Maybe he cared, maybe he didn't. She wasn't really sure. That didn't stop her from shoving her headphones from her Walkman on and turning up the music all the way as she left the school.
The walk home was rather uneventful, and before she knew it she was right back in her house. A part of her was tempted to reach over to the phone and call up her mom. Except, she was probably doing important work at the conference she was at and Annie stopped herself. Although, this felt like the sort of emergency her mom said to warn her about.
Then again, so did the illusions she kept seeing. They only seemed to get worse with every passing day. It wasn't like she could tell anyone, though. Had she told someone like Steve or a teacher, she would be written off as crazy.
Maybe that was it, she was just going crazy from the loneliness. When her mom got back, it would all be fine. Sure, she had Erik, but he hardly counted as a conversationalist. She dropped her backpack and flopped on the couch with a sigh. A whole day left in front of her and nothing to do for it. It wasn't long before Annie got to her bag and dug through for her copy of War and Peace.
There wasn't much else for her to do other than to get lost in the story of a few Russian families going through trials and tribulations as Napoleon threatened to invade their country in the backdrop. So she found herself getting wrapped up in the beginning of the story. Though, with how comfortable she was in the position she was laying in, she soon drifted off with the book in her hands.
How long she had slept for was beyond her. It felt like something was moving on top of her. She slowly opened her eyes, expecting to see it was her cat, sprawled across her stomach. Instead there were all kinds of slimy creatures crawling on her. They almost looked like slugs but they had hind legs. For a moment, all Annie could do was stare. Then she realized they were all over her arms and her hands and legs and on her face.
The slime was all over her hands and she felt one on her mouth. She was quick to try and slap it off only to realize the whole living room was covered with the same creatures.
"This isn't real. This isn't real. This can't be happening," she repeated, her voice cracking before she started screaming.
Her screams echoed throughout the house and it felt like her throat was being scratched raw. Annie shut her eyes tightly, wishing they would just go as she screamed. And just like that, nothing. When her eyes opened, there was nothing on her. Instead there was a rapid knocking at the front door and the sound of it opening.
On instinct, she grabbed her book and hurled it at the tall figure that rushed into the room. There was a sound of the novel colliding with someone and then hitting the floor. Upon realizing who ran in, Annie put her hands over her mouth.
"Ope!" Steve exclaimed, rubbing his shoulder that had gotten hit, “What the hell was that for?”
Annie got up from the couch and rushed over to him, "I-I'm so sorry, I didn't... I didn't realize it was you. I mean, you kinda broke into my house."
"Um yeah 'cause you were screaming bloody murder," he said before looking at her, "What happened to you?"
"What do you mean?" Annie asked, knowing she wasn't covered in the slime she had to have imagined.
He pointed at her nose, "You're bleeding."
"Oh... shit, I'll um... be right back," she replied before going to the bathroom.
Sure enough, there was a bit of blood coming from her nose. She grabbed a couple squares of toilet paper to clean it. For some reason it wasn't bleeding anymore. She mentally cursed herself, sure that Steve was going to want to know what happened.
Annie walked back out, "Sorry about that... kinda had a bad dream or something. Um what's up?"
"Or something... are you sure you're not gonna tell me what's got you freaked out enough to hurl the biggest book I've ever seen right at me?" he asked, still rubbing at his shoulder, “You’ve got a good arm.”
She shook her head, "It doesn't matter, like I said, it’s just a bad dream. What do you need?"
"Well, I didn't tear Hargrove a new one, that's for sure," he muttered, sitting on the love seat, "I know I've kinda asked a lot from you already, but... I need to get Nancy back."
Annie raised her brows, "Ah... hey, do you want some tea or something?"
"Um sure," he said, "Look, I already heard she's running around with Jonathan. I love her too much to just let her go like that, and they guys won’t stop giving me shit for it."
She nodded, listening as she put water in the kettle and put it over a burner, "Well, for all you know it's not what you think. I mean, look at us. Speaking of us, what the hell was with the mistress shit on my locker?"
"Oh that... they think they're being clever. You know, King Steve, they call Nancy a princess, that stuff."
"So I’m the Anne Boleyn to your Henry VIII... Christ that's fucked up," she murmured before shaking her head, "Anyways, do you know what you wanna do?"
He sighed, "I'm probably gonna just do the usual: flowers, an apology, the works. If that doesn't work, I don't know what will."
"Hold up, why do you have to apologize?" she asked, grabbing a couple mugs and finding some chamomile tea.
Steve shrugged, messing with the zipper of his grey bomber jacket, "I don't know, 'cause I called her bullshit while I was sober? It doesn't matter. You've just been really helpful so far, and I know it's a lot, but I just want you to help me out a bit here."
There was a long pause as Annie thought about it. If Nancy really didn't love Steve, wouldn't that just hurt him more when she rejected him? Or even worse, what if she just got back with him despite not having feelings for Steve? No, she didn't know the guy super well, but he had already been so kind to her. All the same, Annie had a good feeling that Steve was going to do this with or without her help.
She sighed, leaning against the kitchen counter, "Alright, fine. I'll help you out with all this."
"You're the best!" Steve replied, grinning, "You know, I think this might just work. She really likes red roses, they're her favorite, actually."
A little while later, they were both sitting in the living room, drinking tea. Granted, Steve probably didn't need it, but she would have felt awkward trying to calm down by drinking tea while Steve just sat there. Besides, there was no reason to rush going anywhere since he came over around lunchtime. If they jumped the gun, who knew where Nancy would have been. Though, what really seemed to grind Steve's gears was that Nancy ditched with Jonathan. Something that had to have been a point of contention in the past. Not that she had any idea.
It wasn't her place to ask. She figured that Steve would talk and open up about things when he felt it was a good time. Asking pressing questions wasn't going to do her any good.
"So... are we gonna talk about your… um... episode?" Steve asked, breaking the silence.
Annie swallowed some of her tea, "What about it? I had a nightmare."
"You threw a book at me. If you had a nightmare that seemed real... that's not good," he said, running a hand through his hair, "Look, I uh... if you need to talk to someone, I kinda get it."
She arched a brow, "How could you get it?"
"Uh... it's not important. Just, you've already done a lot for me, you can talk to me, okay?"
"It's um... so it's this recurring nightmare," she started, staring at her almost empty mug, "I'm in the house and the power kicks off and then things get weird. Like, one time there were vines everywhere and it was all cold and slimy. It looked like it was snowing. And um... well, the one I just woke up from I was covered in these slugs? But they weren't slugs, they had legs and they were crawling all over me and um... yeah."
Steve set his cup on the table, "Annie... are these things actually just you in your sleep?"
"Uh... um yeah, of course," she lied, "I'm probably just stressed being alone all the time."
He sighed, licking his lips, "You're absolutely sure? You're not seeing this stuff while you're awake?"
"Well... no... but um, but what if I did?" she asked, starting to grip her mug tightly.
How did he know she was seeing things? This had to be some elaborate prank. Or maybe the house really was haunted. That stupid kid could have been right.
Steve frowned, "Then we need to get you the hell out of here. Your cat too."
She blinked and sat back in her chair a moment, "What do you mean? Why?"
"I can't tell you... not right here, we gotta get you out. Come on, you can stay over at my place, my parents are never home. You can have the guest room, I'll help you get some stuff," he said, already standing up.
Whatever it was that was going on, Annie had absolutely no idea. All she knew was that Steve seemed to have an air of tension and fear that she hadn't seen before. A part of her wanted to call his bluff and say that he was just screwing around in some super technical and sadistic prank. However, as they rushed to get her things together, she started to realize he was being serious. Which made everything she had dealt with the last few days all the more worrying. If she wasn't hallucinating, then what was going on?
What were those things that crawled all over her? She wanted to ask Steve, but he was busy helping get her cat so they could get out faster. Before she could comprehend any part of what was happening, they were in Steve's BMW. Erik meowed periodically as Steve sped off.
He sighed, obviously trying to not appear more freaked out than he was, "Look, I... I don’t know if I can explain all this to you without getting us both killed... fuck I thought we figured this out already."
"What're you even talking about? I'm playing along with all this, but I really need you to explain everything," she said, clutching her fidgety cat close to her chest.
Steve shook his head, soon pulling up to his house, "We don't have much time for that. Come on, let's get your stuff inside."
"Um... are we gonna still try and get you back with Nancy?"
"What? No, we don't have time for that!" he exclaimed, getting out of the car, "Wait, she might know what to do, actually."
Annie rolled her eyes, "Then get the damn flowers, apologize, get back in her good graces or whatever, and try to figure out what the hell's going on!"
"Will you chill out? I'm trying to put all this together!" Steve exclaimed, "Sorry... I know this is probably really stressful for you."
She huffed, setting a dufflebag and then Erik down before shrugging off her backpack, "You know, it might be the tiniest bit less stressful for me if you would tell me what the ever-living fuck is going on! I tell you I'm seeing stuff that’s apparently real and you tell me to get out of my house without telling me why! Now are you gonna tell me what's wrong?"
"Fine, fine, you're right. I just don't know how to explain it quickly. But all you need to know is there's another dimension and there's people-eating monsters in it and your house was flip-flopping back and forth for whatever reason… at least, I think that’s what you were talking about. That's really dangerous, but we'll figure it out," he said, going to put a hand on her shoulder, "And um... you can't tell anyone else otherwise the government's gonna kill you and your parents and your cat and anyone else you care about."
Annie stepped back, crossing her arms, "You're kidding, right? Please tell me you're joking. That doesn't even make any sense! Do you realize how little sense that makes?"
"I know... but if you didn't believe me then why did you let me do this?"
"Um... I... fine, maybe there's something to all this. Let's get the fucking flowers."
Perhaps Steve had a point, she did kind of believe him. Mainly because it was the only explanation, albeit convoluted, to all the things happening in her house that didn't make her seem crazy. He seemed concerned enough for her and for himself for saying all the things he had. They made a quick stop at the grocery store so Steve could pick up the roses. After that, Steve pulled up to what she assumed was Nancy's house.
She gave him a small, assuring smile, "You've got this. Make up with your girlfriend and we'll go from there."
"Yeah. I can do this," he said, getting out of the car and closing the door behind him.
Now Annie was rooting for him more than she originally had. Mainly out of hope that Steve was right in assuming Nancy would know what to do. However, as she watched, she watched their plan grind to a halt thanks to some kid.
Tag List (let me know if you would like to join): @dungeons-and-demodogs​ @jxnehxpper​ @ilovebucketbarnes
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musedblues · 4 years
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Always Something There To Remind Me [Part: 6]
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summary: Home is where the heart is. You're working on finding yours. After a handful of misfortunes, your old friend Joe helps to unravel life's greatest mystery while adding a bit of extra grief to the mix.
w/c: 3k
a/n: Oh my God, I did it. I finished something I started. I sincerely hope you all enjoy the finale of this story, I tried to make it happy as I could manage. Thank you lot for reading this far and for all the support along the way. Here it is... THE END!!
tagliast: @im-an-adult-ish​ @mrsmazzello​ @lettinggosthehardestpart​ @the-moving-finger-writes​ @imtheinvisiblequeen​ @joemazzmatazz​ @sherlollydramoine​
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
one year later...
"When are you gonna come visit me, huh?" Gwilym whined like a child, via facetime. "That's... a very good question. What do you think?" Joe rose a brow, turning his face from his phone screen to look right at you. "Huh?" All your attention had been focused on scribbling music notes onto sheets of paper. 
"The weather is finally nice again. We should take a trip!" Joe quipped, and you saw Gwil nodding in encouragement from the phone propped on the kitchen table. "Oh, please! It's about time I take you pair on a tour of my city." Gwil imagined on your behalf, coxing you to dream along. He'd stopped in New York a handful of times, usually just to see you. It was about time you hit up his haunts... You had the money, and you could make the time. The savings from your shifts at the flower shop were a great start, but after leaving your hometown to move in with Joe, you'd landed an even better job.
When you started roaming the city for places that were hiring, a nice woman behind a bakery countertop informed you that her husband might be able to help you out. She scribbled his business address on a sticky note, and you left to follow the directions. And when you discovered where you'd been led too, all you could do was laugh out loud.
It was the piano bar. The one Joe had taken you and Gwil too the first weekend you stayed over, with naugahyde seats and a very nice Steinway. With a deep breath, you stepped inside. It was still early in the afternoon, and there weren't many patrons lazing about the lounge. You moved to the opposite end of the bar from where its only customer sat slumped over a beer. Behind the counter was the same friendly older man with the German accent, whose eyes lit up when he saw you. You wondered, for one fleeting moment, if he somehow remembered you too. "What'll it be for ya, then?" The man set down the glass he was cleaning and looked to you expectantly. "Actually, I heard you were hiring." You grinned. The older man lost his smile but the sparkle in his eye remained as he let out an "ahh," of understanding. "You any good?" He wondered, leaning against the counter. You took a beat to peer past his shoulder at the rainbow of bottles that lined the walls. Some were drinks you'd never worked with, but you had years of experience otherwise. "I'd have to renew my license, but I think-" "Oh no," The man frowned, softly interrupting you. "No, I'm looking for someone to play in residence." He nodded toward the small risen velvet stage where a baby grand sat in waiting. Your heart leapt to your stomach and back up again. "I- I haven't played in years." You meant to think it, but you said it out loud. When you turned back to look at the man behind the counter, his sly smile was back. He insisted you an audition, practically begging you to go and play something. As you stood in deep thought, he spoke up again. The man decided you could work behind the bar until you got the guts to play something. So for a week you mixed drinks and worried over what to do next. The last time you touched your keyboard was a lifetime ago, when you sold it off to pay for groceries. But you were living in another world, now. One where you ended your evenings alongside Joe, arguing over what to cook for dinner and laughing over his well thought out debates of why it was perfectly okay to have pizza four nights in a row. He was silly as ever, in fact, his wit seemed sharper than before. But unlike in high school, when he'd test the limits of how mad his dumb pranks could drive you, he knew when to draw the line. Joe knew when to stop laughing and listen, but never lost his smile when gears shifted. After those first few long nights of laying out all your pent up thoughts and feelings from over the years, after telling every story you could each think of; those late-night conversations didn't end. You listened to each other ramble over silly things, unimportant things. But in the midst of it all, Joe was good at reminding you of your worth.
If it hadn't been for Joe's encouragement, you wouldn't have ever played the piano again. Through his persistence, you understood that an opportunity had presented itself and that you had nothing to lose by taking the chance. So you did. You warned your new boss that you didn't have much practice, but he sat patiently as you got the guts to play through most of Erik Satie's Gymnopedie no. 1 as the sunset. When the open sign flickered to life, you stayed on the bench. After then, you played almost every night, and even helped mix a drink or two when the occasion called for it. You'd settled into such a familiar routine at the piano bar without missing a single day, surely you'd earned a bit of a break, right? And how could you say no to Gwilym? His puppy dog eyes were even more convincing over facetime. /// "Oh yeah, I have a surprise for you." Joe sleepily grumbled like it might have been any other passing thought. "What, you're overtaking Gwilym as the tour guide?" You chuckled, setting back into the airplane seat as Joe's head fell to your shoulder. "No. Something much more exciting." Joe let out a little laugh, drifting to sleep soon after he said so. The plane had barely taken off. But Joe had been so busy planning this weekend-long trip to London that you were almost certain this was the most rest he'd gotten in weeks. Sure, Gwilym had been on the other end of the phone helping decide dates and times and reasons, but Joe was like a soccer mom competing to plan the best Disney World itinerary of the decade. He said it was because this was your first big trip together. But of course, you could have walked down the block with Joe at your side and been just as ecstatic to join him there, hand in hand. The sun rose over the clouds through the plane window, and Joe was heavily snuggled against your side, keeping you grounded a mile above land. 
At first, when kisses still seemed new, and every trip to the market was an adventure, you wished you'd loved each other like this much sooner. But you decided everything happened at just the right time. You belonged together, but you wouldn't have been brave enough to accept that if you hadn't lived a few uncomfortable lives apart. After everything, coming back to each other seemed expected.
Your mother, though, acted as if the second coming of the Lord Jesus Christ had occurred when you first told her you and Joe made it official. She actually ran across the street to recruit Mrs. Mazzello in asking you one thousand embarrassing questions, but even that seemed like any other day. You spent the majority of the plane ride thinking back to those little moments, letting your mind wander. You thought of the last time you were in London, feeling glad to be headed there with Joe, for a change. Gwilym was lingering near a row of empty seats in a bustling waiting area, grinning from ear to ear. You were the first to greet him with a big hug. Gwil, to you, was a fresh start. A new friend from an old place, who came into your life at the exact perfect time. "Bore da!" Gwilym cheered, like a kid fresh from school. “I leave you all this time to practice and that's the best you've got?" You laughed at Gwil's charming efforts in keeping your silly challenge of speaking in a "secret" language. He was never any good at remembering the rough phrases you passed on to him, but he tried all the while. "I tried teaching him how to say 'welcome back' but we agreed I should be the one to say it." A familiar raspy voice cut through your attention focused on Gwil. Joe broke out into a dance in the place he stood, beaming at you. "Surprise!" He called, as you turned away from the men to lock eyes with one of the best friends that surely ever existed at all. Tegan was casually sipping on an iced coffee, holding back a massive grin. Her icy eyes were free from streaks of black makeup. Her dark hair was a little shorter than she used to wear it, but her smile grew bigger than ever before, and she was here. You lunged toward the girl, wrapping her in a hug she'd been practicing for the same as you. Joe was still dancing. "This was your surprise? How'd you pull this off?" You laughed, connecting the dots with what Joe had said as your plane took off. He went on to explain how the idea just sort of came to him when he started planning the trip. Joe had called Tegan one night while you were at work, and after making sure Gwil was alright with your dearest friend crashing the party he'd thought up, the three of them started scheming right under your nose. Gwil explained how Tegan's flight had been scheduled to land an hour earlier than yours, and how he didn't mind the sudden strange company one bit. 
You were well and truly surprised, and you made sure to thank the lot of them for thinking up such an exciting idea.
"Thank you," Tegan's tone floated low and serious past her smile as she reached out to hug Joe, for the first time ever. But there was such an air of familiarity between the lot of you that this too, felt like another day out of the life you were meant to be living. /// "God, I'd love if he'd toss me around like a rugby ball." Tegan sipped from a spiked lemonade, propped up on her elbows as her gaze focused on Gwilym tossing a ball to Joe, who was coaching his friend on proper pitching etiquette. "How romantic." You snorted, reaching for some cherries from the basket of snacks you toted along. Gwilym had led you all to his favorite beach where pockets of sand and tall grass made perfect spaces to enjoy a bit of quiet nature. Of course, you couldn't help but set up a speaker to play a list of everyone's favorite summer tunes. Just loud enough to cover up the sound of your chatter with Tegan, who had some new fantasy about Gwilym to blurt out every other minute. "I know it's not Wales, but it's nice to have you back, even for a minute." She turned toward you, setting her drink aside. you tucked your feet away from the hot sand and admired your friend as she peered up at you. "I'll always come back for you." You halfway joked, but nodded in assurance. "If my flirting pays off, you and I might see more of each other yet," Tegan informed peering at the boys near the shoreline. "Those two seem like the most inseparable of us all. We'd be like sister wives." You laughed, silently wondering when your life became one big full circle. Tegan joked about her little crush, but as the day went on it didn't seem so silly. When your friend wasn't looking, you noticed Gwil stealing glances all afternoon, tripping on his mother tongue, your secret language out the window.
The radio crackled with some chime saturated pop song, birds dared to scuttle toward your picnic.
"I can hear the wedding bells now," You joked, looking toward the radio, laying on your side to face your friend.
"Yeah, those are clearly for you." Tegan pointed out.
"Maybe." You responded with your first thought, conditioned to be wary of the future. But when you caught a glimpse of Joe laughing with his best friend near the water, you realized you didn't have to be weary any longer. "Okay, probably." You corrected, out of some primal fear of keeping Joe at a distance ever again. "But not yet. You know he and I decided to take things slow."
Tegan let out a chirped laugh, causing a nearby bird to fly off.
"Yeah, that's what you keep saying." She subtly stressed how your actions seemed to be contradictory. How you and Joe agreed to ease into a relationship together. But being together seemed like a glass of water after being stranded in the Sahara. You moved into his place in the blink of an eye. You abandoned the guest bedroom to share his long before moving in.
"It's hard to waste so much time when there is a lot we have to make up for." You reasoned. Tegan hummed in understanding right away, but then she sat up a little more, looking back to the horizon.
"I know what you mean. It's like... where has he been all my life?" She dared to speak as Gwil was approaching dangerously close to the two of you. After bursting into giggles and assuring Gwil you weren't talking about him, he grabbed a bottle of water and scurried away with one last glance over his shoulder.
You and Tegan went on planning a double wedding, to save money and time and innovations, naturally. Through fits of laughter, she decided to run the free bar, and you happened to know a pretty good wedding photographer.
And before you knew it the night had turned navy blue. You rented a hotel where each separate room was connected by a door near the entertainment center. You and Tegan claimed one room for yourself, taking turns showering and swapping clothes, like you used to.
The four of you ended up at some all-night joint who catered to a bunch of miners who traveled through at odd hours. The neon sign was a beacon and you all split plates of food and told embarrassing stories. You could have stayed there laughing all night if Tegan hadn't suggested adding drinks to the mix.
So you headed back to your shared suits, filing into one room and setting up shop for a late-night of laughter.
Tegan dropped Joe into learning how to mix a drink at the mini bar, cursing in welsh. You laughed from the place you settled on the balcony, and Gwilym took a seat beside you with a smirk.
"Why didn't we all just go to Wales?" He wondered aloud. You'd been making fun of him for being so lost when you and Tegan traded secrets.
Your first thought was to keep poking fun at Gwil, to say something about he'd get lost navigating the street signs. But you trusted the guy enough to tell him the truth. When you glanced inside to make sure Tegan and Joe were still occupied making a mess at the minibar, you leaned closer to Gwil and tried to make a very long story as short as possible.
Under the dim patio light, you explained how you moved to London after graduation, met a guy, moved to Wales and wasted too long with him. How you felt stuck. How he died and how you went back home to Joe where you belonged. Gwilym listened quietly, running his fingers over the stubble on his jaw as you capped off your story with how glad you were to have scored such a valuable friend in Tegan, through it all. "Guess you really don't need my tour of the city after all, huh?" Gwilym shrugged, realizing you were already pretty familiar with the back alleys. "Of course I do. I'm dying to see this place from your perspective." You grinned. Gwilym had a way of making everything seem newer, more exciting. But the question he asked that kick-started your conversation hung in your heart a little heavier as the evening went on. When you'd become overloaded by everything the day had to offer, you decided it was time to call it a night. You pulled Joe into the room meant to be for you and Tegan, hardly thinking of anything but how badly you longed for a quiet moment alone with the guy. You didn't speak, you just curled up and laid together. And if she noticed, Tegan didn't seem to mind as her laughter existed somewhere behind the door you locked her out of. You could even hear Gwilym singing Christmas carols in the warm summer night.
Your eyes grew heavy as your breathing synced with Joes, chests rising and falling in time. Everyone you loved was right where they ought to be.
The nightmares had gone away, but you must have had one. It happened like it used to, some heavy feeling rising in your chest and causing your eyes to shoot open when you hadn't even realized you'd fallen asleep.
The laughter and music from the other side of the door was gone, and the rising sun was casting a purple shadow through the curtains.
You were drawn to the window, trying to drown the sickening worry rising in your throat. You stood focusing on the sun sparkling over the waves. Watching far away people walk their dogs, and kids chasing each other. You were so lost in the scene that you were almost startled to have been interrupted.
Joe had woken up and joined you, snaking his arms around your middle and resting his chin on your shoulder. You felt safe enough to speak your mind.
"What if I don't ever go back to Wales? Is that selfish? What if I want to, but just can't do it?"
You'd lost so much there. You left so much behind, things you loved. Things you never got to say goodbye to. You realized that some of the things you'd planned on keeping now, could disappear just as well.  Days like this could slip away no matter how desperately you clung to them. Nothing lasted, good or bad. You spent the morning worrying over how to exist between those epic highs and tragic lows.
"I heard something once," Joe spoke up, keeping his loose hold around you. You rested your head back against his shoulder as you watched the waves crash to shore, a safe distance away. "Something about how there are only so many cutting patterns used to make puzzles. There was an artist who took different pictures and put them together because the puzzle pattern matched up. So you get funny little pictures, like, a train with the legs of a horse. But others were hard to tell apart. Like different mountainscapes blending together."
Joe rambled, looking at the same view as you.
"Life is like that, ya know? Things might not always make sense but they go together whether you like it or not. I'm not saying you should do anything you don't want to do. But I can promise no matter what puzzle you decide to put together, I'll be there to help fit in the pieces."
"God I can feel my teeth rotting, Joe," You elbowed him in the ribs as you spun to face him, because if you didn't joke about how sappy that was you would have surely burst into tears.
"I love you too." He rolled his eyes before leaning in for a gentle kiss, your own secret language.
Joe gave something that you were terrified to lose. And you were glad it was him. No matter where you wound up, you'd find his humor in places and the color of his eyes in things.
Joe was your destination. His arms remained open, inviting, even though you never truly strayed too far from his reach.
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
"Together, we can live with the sadness I'll love you with all the madness in my soul." - Bruce Springsteen.
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uzumaki-rebellion · 4 years
Text
“Wet Sugar” [Part 20 of 30]
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Summary:  Yani's new life changes Erik...
Mature Audience. NSFW.
"No, I can't seem to get it, And in my mind I'm bettin' My time's made up, I gotta' go... And it's alright if you want, To see through your tomorrow, But right, now I gotta' go...
If you want to stay then you can be here with me, But I can't let go of all this love, oh no, so easily... I said, if you want to stay then you can be here with me, But I can't let go of all this love, oh no, so easily..."
Flying Lotus feat. Andreya Triana– “Tea Leaf Dancers”
"What do you think?"
Yani held up a pale lavender double-bed sheet set and Erik tried his best to be engaged but he wasn't. He felt depressed. Holding Sydette in his arms as Yani shopped for new bedding and pillows was not the way he wanted to spend their day. He wanted them to be on the beach swimming, or walking around the compound and catching vista views of the ocean. Or cooking food together in the kitchen with Sweet Pea wiggling all around dancing to music they played the way he used to do when he was a kid with his parents.
Yani was delighted buying things for her very first apartment, and Erik could only feel acid settling in his stomach. He wanted her to stay with him until Klaue arrived, even offered to pay her rent for the next month without her staying with the roommate, but she declined. She wanted Sydette and the roommate's daughter, Azriel, to be together from the start of their taking the space.
It was already difficult for him to watch her studying and reading and working on her classes at the compound and not have the free time like they used to. It was also difficult to deliver Sydette to Twyla or Cee Cee or even her sister Anika so he could work. There was so little time to be with both of them anymore.
He started getting high more to cope. Ease his mind to help focus on Klaue's weapons and the man's return. He was ashamed of how he was feeling. Acting like an entitled brat because he wasn't getting his way.
"Goose down, or synthetic?"
Yani held up two pillows for him to inspect.
"Goose down is hard to clean," he said.
"You're right. Synthetic it is."
She tossed three pillows into their shopping cart. Two comforters, pillows, sheets, bath mats, and shower curtains. He had to hold Sydette because there was no room in the cart.
"The electricity was turned on this afternoon, so we can drop this off there…"
She rattled off all the things she wanted to get done for the night and Erik nodded, only half-listening. He could probably deal with the move if he were allowed to come over and stay with them sometimes, but Yani and her roommate Nannette made an agreement that no men were allowed in the apartment for overnight stays until they were settled for a few months and got to know one another. Yani implemented this rule herself. She didn't want strange men around her daughter or coming around at odd hours. Nannette agreed even though she had no partner of her own. That would limit their time even more.
He wondered if their time together had run its course. Maybe she was trying to pull away from him nicely. He had been gruff with her and abrupt around the compound, a combination of his work frustrations, and also his worry over losing her so soon. He had been thinking they had a few more months of bliss, but the reality was changing.
"I got it," he said pulling out his wallet to pay for all the items she wanted.
He traded the baby for the cart as he pushed it to the S.U.V. He felt Yani's eyes on him.
"You've been so quiet…everything okay?"
He nodded his head, but she could see that he wasn't.
They rode in silence over to her new place and he carried all of her things in two trips up the stairs to the third floor.
Putting the baby on the floor, Yani showed him around.
It was spacious, brightly lit, and there was furniture in place. A new black leather couch sectional with a low coffee table and matching end tables took up the east side of the apartment. The small kitchen had room for a round dining table and he could see two high chairs already placed near it. His heart sank.
"Looks good in here," he said trying to perk up for her.
Sydette ran around as Yani took out the new sheets in her bedroom and made up the new bed he bought for her. Queen size for a queen. She fell on top of it when she had it looking nice with the decorative pillows her Aunt bought for her. She patted the space next to her and he crawled onto the bed. "I think I'll paint this room yellow. Make it look sunny…or maybe powder blue to look like the sky…"
Her eyes darted about making plans. His fingers reached for her face and he turned her head to look at him.
"Happy?" he asked.
"Mmm-hmm. Very."
She kissed his cheek and he kissed her lips back. He felt the pressure of her lips on his subside, but he pushed back harder and she pulled away from him. Her eyes regarded him with a seriousness he hadn't seen from her in a long time.
"What's wrong?" she said.
"Nothing's wrong—"
"You lie. Don't do that to me."
He laid back on his arms and stared up at the ceiling.
"I feel like we're drifting. I want you to have your own place…but I don't want you to leave me either."
Her fingers stroked his chest.
"I'm not leaving you."
He didn't say anything. His silence spoke for him. She leaned on her elbow and stared into his eyes.
"We lived like royalty with you. I'll never have anything like that again. I'll cherish that time with you there, Killmonger. I really will. This is just the next stage of my life. You are a part of that still—"
He turned his head away. She pulled it back.
"Things will just be different. I'll still come help my Aunt at the compound on the weekends. You can come see me and Sydette at night or you can visit her when she's out of daycare…"
She stroked his face and her touch made him feel the loss of them more. Sporadic visits wouldn't be enough.
A sense of shame came over him. Yani's words reminded him of the things he said to his old love, Disǎ when he was busy with his work and not around her as much. He finally knew what she felt like when he told her things would just be different. Different simply meant a drawn-out ending.
Erik pressed his mouth against Yani's neck and kissed his way up to her lips. Her lips melded to his for a moment before he made his way down to her t-shirt. He pulled up her shirt and unfastened her bra, tossing it on the floor. He settled his face between her breasts and suckled until her nipples were tight hard pebbles and his dick was a ramrod in his jeans. Her fingers played with his locs as he bit her tips, causing her to cry out with pleasure. It had been too long since he had done this with her.
They heard Sydette walking around pushing her little play lawnmower.
"You okay in there Sweet Pea?" Yani called out.
"Yes!"
Erik pinched Yani's nipples and her sighs made him throb in his pants. Sydette rolled her mower against the bedroom door hitting the door jamb. Yani pulled down her shirt and rolled off the bed.
"Where's your hair ties?"
Sydette touched the springy curls on her head, the two braids she once had were gone.
"Ova there…"
Sydette pointed out toward the living room.
"Go get them," Yani said.
Sydette took off running and returned with two purple silk ribbons.
"She will not leave braids in."
"Let her wear her hair out. She likes it."
Erik sat up from the bed, but waited a few minutes to let is body settle back down.
"Nannette is here," Yani said.
Erik heard the front door open and Sydette squealed and ran to the front room.
"Hey!" Yani said.
Erik picked up the empty shopping bags from around Yani's room and followed her out into the living room.
Nannette was a slender woman with long blue twists in her hair. Her daughter, a little girl about two months older than Sydette was touching Sydette's lawnmower.
"Nannette, this is Erik. Erik this is my new roommate."
Nannette had a nice wide smile with an overbite. She shook his hand and they all watched the two little girls mess with the lawnmower together.
"Did you see the bedspreads I got for the girls?" Nanette said.
"No, I haven't even gone in their room."
"Come look!"
Nannette grabbed Yani's hand and pulled her to another bedroom in the back that was right next to Yani's. Erik followed, curious to see what the girls' room looked like.
Two trundle beds were covered with Princess Tiana bedspreads with matching pillowcases.
"Oh my God! This is too cute!" Yani said.
There was a white and crème-colored dresser and cute overhanging lights with cartoon characters on them. A pink toy chest sat in a corner already stuffed with the things Erik had bought Sydette. The room was clean and neat. Sydette crawled onto one of the beds.
"This mine," she said looking at Erik.
"That's your bed, Sweet Pea?"
"Yes. See Princess Tiana?"
"I see her," Erik said.
Azriel climbed on her bed.
"I have Princess too," she said.
"I see," Erik said giving the other girl some attention.
"You all hungry? I brought food," Nanette said.
Yani looked at Erik, but he watched the two women and decided they needed to be in their own space for their first night without him intruding.
"I'll let you all settle in. I gotta run," he said heading toward the door.
"Baba! Baba…where you going?"
Sydette jumped off the bed and followed him, grabbing his hand.
"I'm going…"
He stopped himself. He was about to say home, but Sweet Pea's face looked stressed seeing him head out of her room.
"I have to do some things. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"
Her finger went to her lip and she turned to look at Yani.
"Tomorrow," Yani echoed.
Sydette looked comfortable with the idea.
Erik picked her up and walked her to the front door with him. He kissed her cheek as Yani rubbed her back.
"Come play in my room. I wahn show yuh..."
"What do you want to show me?"
"A secret."
"Secret? What kind of secret?"
Her dimples popped out and she whispered in his ear.
"A secret."
Erik started laughing. She lifted his spirits.
"Show me tomorrow. I'll bring you ice cream."
"I wahn show yuh now."
"Sydette…"
Yani stuck her face near her daughter.
Nanette took Azriel into the kitchen with her and Yani stroked Erik's back.
"See you tomorrow Sweet Pea. Be a good girl, for Mama."
"'kay."
He put her down and she lingered near them, her hand on Yani's leg.
He lowered his head to kiss Yani and she slipped him a bit of tongue which was a terrible thing to do to him because he only wanted to be with her back on her bed. With her breasts pressed into his chest, he let his hand dropped down to her backside and grip a plump cheek.
"I hate this," he said when he let her lips go.
Her eyes dropped away from his. He was making her feel bad. It was an unkind thing to do.
"I'll live," he said painting a smile on his face, giving her some dimples. Her eyes looked unsure so he smacked her ass and then squeezed it again.
"Call me tonight," she said.
"I will. Go enjoy your first meal in your new home."
"When we get settled, I'll cook you a nice dinner later this week."
"I'll hold you to it. Do I get some dessert with it?
"I'll give you some dessert."
Her voice was seductive.
"Go eat."
He walked down to his car and for a moment he sat in the driver's seat and stared up at the lights in Yani's new home. He had no right to feel sorry for himself. Yani was becoming an independent woman. She would soon have a career. But he felt like he was being pushed away. He hated the feeling. Abandonment. An all too familiar feeling for him. He hated everything about his life at that moment.
A coldness was creeping back into him. The type of coldness that made him reckless and mean.
###
Yani stared at the whiteboard in the classroom and took down notes as quickly as her nursing teacher wrote them.
Being in class was a totally ultra-accelerated experience compared to taking classes online. She did her best to keep up. She was smart. She knew this. Smarter than most of the others in her class. But the nurse/midwife program was not for the slow or lazy. The teacher expected his students to be prepared for the advanced level, and Yani was so thankful she spent time studying as much as she could before she started. If Erik hadn't made that free time for her at Klaue's, she would've dropped out after the first week of class.
Yani scratched the back of her scalp as she checked her micro-recorder to make sure it was taping the lecture. Her left leg bounced a bit inside her nursing uniform. The school required all the nursing students to wear actual nursing attire. It made Yani feel like a real medical professional.
Erik.
His face came to mind, and she felt a knot in her belly. She hadn't seen him for days and barely spoke to him on the phone between their texting. His messages were coming with less frequency, and Yani knew it was because she had put distance between them.
Her classes kept her busy all day, and Sydette's attendance in daycare proved to be a success and less of a burden on her Aunt and cousins. The nursing program helped subsidize the daycare costs because it was on campus, so Yani and Nanette drove the girls with them in the morning and Yani drove them all back to the apartment when Nannette was home from her morning classes. Yani had to stay for later classes because of the extra course load she was carrying. The timing of the traffic was perfect because Yani was able to make it back to her classes on time, and then spend the evening with the girls while giving Nannette a break. They had a perfectly set schedule that worked well with the children.
Sydette adjusted to being with strangers and one of the daycare providers even suggested letting her start pre-school early because she was so bright. Yani was proud of that. She wanted the best for her little girl and she felt like she was finally getting the outside support she needed. She didn't have to depend on her own family so much anymore.
She also didn't need to depend on Erik.
That was a problem. For him.
Her new schedule left little time for herself once more, and she fought tooth and nail for any bit of solitude she could get. That often meant late at night when the babies were asleep and she could finally get some sleep herself. The weekends found her watching two babies while Nannette worked a weekend job at one of the fancy hotels in the mornings. While the girls played in the living room of their apartment, Yani studied. Erik would come over then and in between toddlers running around and Yani trying to hit the books, there was no real quality time. Infrequent sex was heavy petting and occasionally quick bounces on his dick with clothes on while they sat on the couch when the girls napped on the weekends. It was always fast. Almost impersonal. Hot sticky fingers, muffled grunts and groans, and Yani keeping an eye and ear out for the children interrupting or Nannette coming home at unexpected hours depending on her work's flexible schedule.
Things turned ugly one Saturday afternoon when they were lying side by side on the couch. She wanted to take a quick nap and he wanted to slip his dick inside of her while they had a blanket over them.
"Not here…not now," she fussed, pushing his hand away from the waistband of her sweatpants. She could feel his erection pushing up hard against her backside, and his breathing was heavy. Nibbling on her earlobe, he pulled on her nipples and tried to coax her into giving in to his need.
"Let's go in the bedroom," he whispered in her ear.
She was annoyed. Tired. Her head hurt from trying to remember what she read for her homework. All she wanted was to feel his warm body around her. She needed him to stay awake to listen out for the girls while she clung to his arms and snoozed. Just for one tiny hour.
"Yani, c'mon…"
"Let's just stay here. I want to stay like this—"
"Baby…"
"You know these walls are thin. They can hear us, and you know it takes too long to get them settled again…"
He yanked down her sweats.
"Killmonger…stop."
"Let me get some…just a little bit. I ain't seen you in a week…take care of me…"
His fingers manipulated her breasts a little too hard and when he reached down to unzip his pants, she slapped his hands and pulled up from him.
"Just stop!"
He froze.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Her tone was abrasive and he shrunk back from her.
"I need to sleep, man. While the girls are out, I need this time to rest—"
"Go get in the bed then. I'll stay out here and watch out for them."
He turned the channel on the tv and sat up away from her. His eyes ignored her.
"Killmonger—"
"Go to sleep. It's all good."
He reached between his legs and pushed down on his dick while zipping up his pants.
"Can't you see I'm tired? I don't want to mess around right now—"
"We good. Go to bed."
His voice was surly. Those big lush lips fixed in a pout.
"I already got one baby, mi don't need a grown-ass one too—"
"Whatchu say to me?"
His eyes cut to hers so quick. They were on fire.
"You heard me—"
"Fuck you really mean then, Ma?"
Cold.
His voice was so cold.
"I'm just tired."
"Then go to your damn bed and sleep."
He shoved her away from him hard and she struck his face just as hard. The ring she had on her pinky finger slid across his lip and cut him. A tiny sliver that bled.
His left hand swiped his lip and when he saw the blood, he shook his head at her.
"Get your ass in that room before you really mess up…"
She wasn't about to test him. She stood up and walked into her room, quietly closing the door. Laying on her bed, she curled up under the covers and tucked her fingers against her chest. Her heart beat so fast. She had struck him. Not playfully, or joking over something, but with anger behind it. She didn't want to have sex. Not at that moment. Maybe later after she had a catnap. But he was always so forceful wanting it. When they were at Klaue's she loved it. Loved him coming after her when he wanted it. Because she had wanted it too. Their summer paradise was made for that type of loving. It was September now, and playtime was over for her. Erik couldn't accept that. Just like he couldn't accept the fact that every other weekend Chez was allowed to keep Sydette. Court order. She didn't like it herself because she didn't trust Chez, and she didn't trust Ursula to treat her baby right, but there was nothing she could do about it. She had to allow it because Chez threatened to press charges against Erik for fracturing his jaw.
The weekends that Chez had Sydette, Yani would work at the compound with her Aunt. Klaue was back. Between work hours there, Yani would sleep in her Aunt's apartment under the main house and pretend to not know Erik at all. Except for those small sweet moments when he would caress her fingers as they walked past one another. Or bumped into each other in the kitchen. She thought there would be time for them to sneak away somewhere on the property and be alone, but that was not to be. She saw it working Erik's nerves. She saw how he treated the other men. They were scared of him, and she had to admit to herself now, she was beginning to fear him too. Fear what he was becoming.
The small moments at her apartment were supposed to be honey and flowers for them. They almost were except her schooling took precedent, and that took a toll on her ability to carve out enough sleep. It was a tiredness she could cope with because she knew there was a goal at the end of it. Unlike the time she spent drifting with her old jobs trying to keep her head above water, nursing school was taking her somewhere. Dividing her time between school and quality time with Sydette took precedence over sex sometimes. Erik acted like he knew this in the beginning, but two months in now, he was…he was a problem.
And she slapped him.
Cut his lip.
Whatever anger that was brewing in him since she began her education was deep and wide and she saw it when he shoved her off the couch.
She wept quietly in her bed and dozed off a bit before going into a deep slumber. It was dark when she woke up.
Jumping out of bed she went into the living room and found Nanette watching tv with the girls playing near her feet. "Hi," Nannette said.
Yani wiped her face.
"Where is-?"
"He left when I got in. Told me to tell you he would call you later. You sleep good?"
Yani nodded and swept back into her room looking for her phone.
No messages from him. She swiped his number.
He didn't speak when he answered.
"You left."
"No need for me to be there. Nanette can babysit for you."
"You still mad?"
"Nah. I'm good."
"What that mean?"
"I'm good. As in maybe we need to break. You have important things to do. I respect that. I got shit to do too. Every time I see you, you're too tired or we argue about petty shit—"
"I'm not going to argue over what my body needs to maintain itself. If I'm fucking tired, I want to sleep and you should just wait for when I feel like sleeping with you—"
"We don't sleep together no more. We barely fuck."
"So that's all I am to you now? Was to you…?"
Her throat stung with an ache that she couldn't get rid of.
"You breaking up with me because I wouldn't give you no ass?"
"Yani…it's more than that. When we're together, your mind is not there with me—"
"What about Sydette…?"
She burst into tears then.
She heard a heavy exhale on his end.
"I'm still going to see my baby girl—"
"But not me?"
"Yani…we gotta face it, baby. We're going downhill. We knew it was going to happen—"
"Not like this!"
Her voice wailed into the phone.
"I'm sorry I hit you. It was wrong. I was pissed. Killmonger…please…"
"Yani…"
She heard muffled talking in the background. Someone spoke to Erik.
"I'm sorry I pushed you. I was being an asshole….I gotta go—"
"Don't hang up—"
He was gone.
Her nose ran with snot and she felt her cheeks warm up with hot tears spilling from her eyes.
It wasn't fair. But it was their own fault.
She had crawled onto his lap and told him to his face so many months ago that they were stupid for trying to build a solid house out of sand on a rising tide.
Yani couldn't eat dinner and could barely keep up with Sydette as she tried to play with some giant puzzle pieces on her bed.
"Look, Mama!"
Yani nodded at the completed puzzle of a giant giraffe and fat hippo swimming in a lagoon. Sydette hit it to knock the pieces apart so she could put it together again and Yani could only look at it and think that her love life was always like that. Giant pieces that looked pretty once they were put together but inevitably, some force would come down and break it apart. Playing with Sydette gave Yani perspective. All she had in the world was herself and her daughter. Nothing and no one else.
She loved Erik fiercely, but he was just like any other man in her life. Temporary. He may well have been the love of her life, but he was not her entire life. That was something she had to create on her own.
She was comfy in her bed when her cell vibrated. She picked it up from her nightstand.
Come outside.
Short and sweet as always.
Yani put on her jacket and fluffy Bugs Bunny slippers and crept out of the apartment. Glancing around she saw Klaue's S.U.V. parked on the far end of the parking lot. She took her time walking over to him. The sharp snap of the car latch opening caught her ear and she climbed into the passenger seat. When his eyes settled on her, she started crying again. She hated it. Her throat was sore and swollen from weeping earlier in the night.
Erik reached over and pulled her onto his lap. The driver seat was pushed all the way back and she clung to him as her chest shuddered against his. He reached up and turned on one of the overhead lights
"Girl, I'm sorry…this ain't easy…"
He smelled like weed and expensive liquor. His eyes were bloodshot, but not just from the weed.
"I love you," she said, gripping his neck tight.
"I love you too, but…our priorities are different now. Like we knew it would be eventually…"
Her head shook against his neck and he held her waist.
"Klaue is moving on again soon. I gotta bounce with him…Yani…don't…listen to me…Yani…"
He pulled her head back so she would look him in the eye.
"I get into these moods now, and I don't think we should be around each other. I'm focusing on the new job at hand and I'm going to be involved with the men at the compound…and…I can't deal with you too. I miss you all the time, and I miss Sweet Pea…but I'm leaving baby. Better to cut bait now. I hate this shit, girl. I'm losing you and her—"
"We still here," she pleaded.
"I'll come see Sweet Pea and say goodbye to her soon—"
"When are you leaving?"
"I can't tell you that because I don't know. That's why I want to end this now. I don't want this to drag and cause more hurt feelings."
His forehead dropped against hers.
"You know this is best, right?"
She nodded. She felt like she was dying inside, but she knew it was true. Dragging it out would kill her.
"I'm still going to work at the compound. Auntie needs me."
"I'll stay out of your way. Most of us will. Shit is getting hectic over there."
Yani pulled back and stared at his lips. She wiped her eyes then kissed him.
"You do well in school. Keep your focus on that. Nothing else. Not even me. Okay?"
She nodded her head.
"Treat me like you used to and you'll be alright."
She smiled but then his eyes brought her back to the pain.
He rocked her in the car until her breathing became even again. She didn't want to let him go. But she had to.
"Go inside now. It's late as fuck."
She didn't budge. Curled herself up closer to his chest.
"Yani, c'mon…"
She pulled herself off of him as he opened the driver's side door. Slipping down from him, his eyes watched her every move. She willed herself to look strong. She knew this moment was coming…just didn't expect it on that day. She would've wagered another two weeks or maybe another month. He didn't want sex from her. He was craving the intimacy she wanted just like him. The intimacy they used to have. She wanted to quit the compound, but she couldn't let her Auntie down. How could she walk around that place with him there and not touch him anymore, or look at him with love in her eyes? What could she say to her daughter about her Baba not coming around anymore? He said he would still come see her, but why torture himself and them?
She moved slowly back to her apartment. He sat in the S.U.V. watching her, making sure she made it up safe. Once she was at her front door Erik drove fast out of the lot and she wondered how she could go on.
###
As always, he was true to his word.
Yani barely saw Erik. He knew her routine around the compound and made himself scarce. After a couple of weekends, it actually felt like he wasn't there. Leona kept her hours between lunch and before dinner, roughly five hours on Saturdays. When Chez had Sydette for the weekends, she would stay longer to help prep her Aunt for later in the week and to also do laundry and clean. It wasn't too much of a burden for Leona. There were only four men on site: Klaue, Limbano, a man called Unger, and Erik.
And as Erik said, they were kept busy with Klaue, so by the time meals were on the table, Yani could leave for the apartment to start laundry or cleaning as the men ate. She knew all the paths to avoid running into anyone she didn't want to see as she worked.
The few times she did spot Erik, he was right with Klaue and it was like everyone around them were ghosts.
School hummed along, and she actually went out with friends a few times when Klaue didn't need them to cook on the weekends. Once Leona knew what had happened between her and Erik, her Aunt tried her best to cook easy meals that didn't need Yani so much so she didn't have to be around the place.
Her heart still hurt, but Yani stayed mentally busy. Going out helped a lot. Having new guys push up on her helped a lot too. She didn't act on anything, but it did make her feel hopeful about truly getting over Erik.
She was redoing the floors in Klaue's house with fresh sealant when she heard new voices on the property. Erik was away on an assignment for Klaue in the states. She only knew this because he had gone to visit Sydette over at Twyla's when Nanette was gone for a weekend. He sent Yani a short text asking permission to see her and she agreed. Her baby girl had been grieving over him, and it hurt Yani's spirit to keep her away from him even though it would become permanent soon enough.
Yani put away her cleaning supplies so she could be nosey and walked up to the middle house.
"Oh, hey! Could you get me some fresh towels please?"
Yani stopped in her tracks as she stared at the light-skinned woman sunbathing topless near the pool. She was on a lounger with big sunglasses on and a tiny bikini bottom. She pulled down her sunglasses and stared at Yani.
"Did you hear me? Towels? You are Yani, right? The girl who works here?"
"Just a second," Yani said.
She walked up to the first house and checked on the pool towels that were tumbling in the dryer. She pulled out two hot ones and folded them quickly. She headed back down to the pool and handed the woman the towels. "Thank you. I'm Linda. I tried looking for some towels in the house but they weren't really pool towels."
Linda's curly hair was piled up high on her head. She was pretty and very matter of fact. Yani could see two other bodies moving around in the house. Linda took one of the towels and folded it over her chair. The second one she laid across her legs. Her chest, especially her breasts were tanning but her belly and her neck looked sunburned.
"Do you need some sunblock or tanning stuff?" Yani asked.
"Oh…no…I'm fine. I always tan uneven—"
"But it looks like you're burning a little bit."
Linda looked down at her chest.
"Ugh..you're right. You have any sunblock spray?"
"I'll look."
Yani left Linda and went up to the first house. There were pool supplies there. And also her Aunt.
"Auntie. When did that woman show up?"
"Miss Linda? She got here about an hour ago with two other men. Everyone is back."
"Everyone?"
Leona nodded and Yani went into the supply closet and pulled out two different types of sprays. She headed back to the pool and almost wanted to turn around and leave. Erik was standing out by the pool right next to Linda. He wasn't alone. Huntsman and Neal were there to. And so was that big guy from months before, Shipley. Linda had a towel covering her chest, and before Yani reached them, all the others headed down to Klaue's main house. All except for Erik.
Linda stood up and let her towel fall. Erik didn't even blink with bare breasts flashing in front of him. Linda had a slick smile plastered on her face.
This was the woman Erik traveled with.
Linda.
Yani felt her face get flush when Linda stroked Erik's arm. She hadn't seen Erik openly for two weeks, which was better for her of course, but seeing him now gave her butterflies in her stomach and a tingling rush across her chest.
That was still her man standing there. No matter if they had ended things. Roughly.
"You have two choices," Yani said.
She stood behind the lounger, her eyes on Linda. She could feel Erik's eyes sliding across her and she did her best to ignore it even though she felt herself trembling. Linda took the coconut-scented sunblock from her hand. She sprayed herself with a liberal amount of sunblock.
"Thank you, Yani."
Linda's voice was dismissive.
Yani headed back up to check on the rest of the pool towels. Her whole body shook once she was inside and alone.
Erik could have in-house pussy now.
Tahir had warned her that men like Erik used women. What would stop him from fucking that woman again?
Yani wanted to leave.
She threw up instead.
###
Erik was taking a hardline stance with Klaue.
They needed to move on Wakanda immediately. Before King T'Chaka started globe-trotting and making it difficult for Erik to claim his inheritance and blood right. He was tired of seeing the old King on tv with that smug-looking cousin of his. Claiming he wanted to be a broker for peace in the world. The fuck? A murderer claiming to want peace. In a world he had a disdain for. Turned his back on. Ruined Erik's life for.
T'Chaka needed to be in Birnin Zana when Erik took his life in front of the entire Wakandan Royal Court. He wanted that man's life blood spilling out on the floor as he turned his revenge on T'Challa too. He wanted the wretched King to see his son bleed out right next to him. They both could die together, side by side.
Erik wanted their Wakanda team to be small. Just Klaue, himself, Linda, and Limbano. They were the only trustworthy ones as far as Erik could tell from their behavior.
Linda was also pushing to make that move quick. Her greed for money was insatiable. She was even looking for side jobs outside of Klaue's sphere of influence. She was about her digital paper and pushed Klaue as much as Erik did.
Erik bought a plane ticket to London to be with his Aunt Serah in December. He would pick her brain and get as much museum intel as he could. He was also looking to see who would buy the vibranium once they hit the mother lode.
Erik had weapons devised to handle Wakanda and anyone else that got in his way. Klaue was pleased, but he was also scheming for more hits. It was hard for Erik to keep him focused on East Africa.
And then there was Erik's other problem.
Yani.
The more hectic the compound got, the more he tried to forget her. She was his peace, but he couldn't keep up the pretense of a life when it was about to be dashed to pieces. He hated the way he ended it. Erik thought they would have one last romantic day together, some time spent with Sydette—
Put it away.
Erik thought about the time he saw a therapist as a child. What was her name?
Dr. Davis.
The Black woman with big glasses and kind eyes. She taught him how to breathe and how to compartmentalize his anxiety and depression when it spiked. And he was spiking off the charts with both ever since he left Yani. He created an imaginary shelf in his mind as he did as a child. A shelf where he could put trauma up and away from him as he did in the past. Breathing deeply he imagined turning Yani and Sydette into tiny dolls. In his mind, he lifted them up and placed them high above him on a secure shelf. Once he placed them there, he imagined stepping away and not giving them attention less they cripple his ability to function normally. It allowed him to process his pain in small segments. It wouldn't disappear completely, but it helped him cope. Especially dealing with the high stress of being around Klaue and other killers.
It all seemed to work until he overhead Leona on the phone talking to Twyla when Yani was away from the compound buying supplies. She was on speakerphone as he was passing through to get some things from the dryer. He did his best to stay away from Leona too because her eyes seemed so hurt by their situation.
He heard Sweet Pea's voice and it felt like someone reached up and twisted the valves in his heart. His eyes shut tight and he almost started to cry. She was talking in complete sentences and asking inquisitive questions over the speaker and Erik pulled out his cell and texted Yani.
Can I go see the baby?
There was no immediate response.
Please?
He walked down to the middle house and sat on a lounger by the pool. Allowing his eyes to watch the dark blue water, he saw Jerome crawl across the pool wall. The iguana's eyes watched him, and Erik felt like the creature was judging him.
Could he blame him?
Erik did what he knew he was going to do. He allowed an irrational love to sweep him up, went into it willingly, and now he was reaping the shitty reward. He crushed a woman and her child.
You can see her.
Erik jumped up from the lounger, his heart thudding fast. It was the first communication they had together in weeks after he broke it off in anger. He ran to the car garage and grabbed the keys for one of Klaue's cars.
"Where are you going, mate?" Klaue asked.
Klaue stood in the doorway of the front house sipping on water and checking his cell.
"Weed run," Erik tossed casually.
"Hmmm. You seem to be smoking a lot lately."
"They got good shit here."
"Don't take long. Meeting after lunch."
"A'ight."
Erik felt nervous driving over to Twyla's house. She had moved near her job and they hadn't had contact in a long time.
When he knocked on the door of her cute little cottage, Twyla answered.
"Hey," he said.
"Good to see you," she said stepping back to let him in.
For some reason, he thought she would be abrupt with him. He had broken her cousin's heart. She seemed to read his mind.
"Big nigga. It's not mi business what went down with you and Yani, seen? You not normal, and she probably had no business fuckin' with you and whatnot. But I know you were the realest nigga to her in her whole life."
His head dropped down. Twyla turned her head.
"Sydette!"
"Whut?"
"What? Yuh talk to yuh Auntie like that? Come see mi now."
A whirling ball of legs and arms came running out from a back room with hair all over the place.
"I'm here!" Sydette said putting her hands on her hips, her eyes glued to Twyla.
"Lookie. Who that?"
Sydette's face turned, and when she saw Erik, her mouth dropped open.
"Baba! Baba!"
Her little legs ran in place. Erik bit his bottom lip and water dropped from his lids. He turned his head away.
"Hey…hey big man…no shame…" Twyla said patting his back.
Erik dropped to his knees and Sydette's little arms wrapped around his neck so tight.
"Baba? Why yuh crying?"
She patted his face and tried wiping away his tears.
Erik's throat was so choked up he couldn't even speak.
"It's okay Baba."
Erik wiped his eyes himself.
"Don't be sad Baba. I'm here. I make yuh feel better. Wait here…."
She ran from him and back to the room she came from. Erik stood up and Twyla rubbed his back.
"It's okay, Killmonger. I feel yuh."
Twyla's eyes were a little watery too.
"Oh look, it's Miss Penny," Twyla said.
Sydette came running back with the Black nurse doll Erik bought her that had the same black puffy hair as her with a tiny nurse cap sewn on the top.
"She make yuh feel betta, Baba. Here. Hold it."
She raised the doll above her head. Erik picked Sweet Pea up and rocked her.
"Thank you," he whispered. He coughed and tried to clear his throat.
"Have you eaten?" Twyla asked him.
"Nah."
"C'mon then. Got some stew peas and fish."
"Fish 'n peas!" Sydette sang out.
It was the best meal Erik had in a long ass time.
###
Chapter 21 Here
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onyour-right · 5 years
Text
Change of Heart
Think Maxine Shaw and Kyle Barker but instead it’s Erik Stevens and Ryan Mosley, friends turned enemies who find themselves living in the same apartment building. Will they get a second chance at friendship or will it be forever lost? Featuring the lovable T’Challa, Ororo and Simone as well as other other characters both made up and canon. 
A/N: This is the first time I’m writing Erik so feel free to let me know how I do, as long as it’s constructive criticism it’s all good. I just wanna shout-out @hoopshoney for allowing me to use her as a sounding board, lmao, I hope it’s not too shabby. Also wanna shout out my sister wife who is on my forever tag list: @oceanscorazon. Please leave a comment if you enjoyed and reblog! (Also, apologies for any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes, I’ve tried to go over it as much as I can.)
Word count: 2.3k
By the time Ryan entered the apartment that she shared with her two best-friends, Ororo and Simone, she was beyond frustrated.  As if work hadn’t been stressful enough with the several documents she hadn’t finished reading over and translating and her asshole colleagues who kept on trying her, she’d gotten home to find a moving truck in her parking space which meant she’d had to spend an additional 10 minutes going up and down the street to find somewhere else to park. It also meant that instead of the few minutes it usually took her to get out of her car and carry her heavy ass bags into the building and up to her apartment, she had to struggle with her bags for much longer. Maybe it would seem a trivial thing for her to get upset about when she looked back on it later on, but on bad days every minor inconvenience mattered. Thank goodness it was Friday and she had the whole weekend to do absolutely nothing.
As soon as she shut the door behind her, Ryan dropped her bags onto the wooden floor and slipped off her black work heels that gave her a few more inches – not that she really needed them though, she was tall enough on her own – before moving towards the kitchen to get herself a much needed drink.
She could hear the faint, contrasting voices of conversation coming from the other room and her whole body relaxed at the realisation her girls were already home and they could all bitch and catch up on each other’s day. Perhaps it was her frustration and weariness making her emotional, but she was hit by a sudden surge of warm affection for her two friends. Although Ryan was blessed with a big family which she definitely loved, ever since the death of her eldest brother the relationship between her and her siblings could be quite tense and sometimes left her feeling alone. It was at college that she met Simone and Ororo and slowly but surely they started to heal a part of her that had been left unfulfilled for quite some time. But it was something they all did for each other and a big reason why they all moved in together a year after graduating college. 
“Hey,” Ryan greeted them as she walked into the kitchen, offering both her friends who were seated at the table in the middle of the room a quick smile. They were both still dressed up from work just like she was, which made it obvious to her that they probably hadn’t gotten in any sooner than she had. Simone was dressed in a classy black and grey pants suit, with her black braids pulled back into a simple ponytail and Ororo in an elegant grey sheath dress, with her long, white hair tumbling down passed her shoulders.
“Hey girl” “Hey boo,” they both replied in unison.
“How was work?” Simone asked, but after noticing the poorly concealed irritation on her friend’s face quickly added, “Damn, your face look mad as hell, what happened to you?”
Ryan let out an inelegant snort at her friend’s brutal honesty, heading to the refrigerator and pulling out a bottle of wine as she started to recount her day.
 “…. and then I pull up outside and some moving truck is in my space, so I – ” she paused suddenly mid-sentence, her face scrunching up like she’d just came to some kind of internal revelation, “Wait, do y’all know who’s moving in? Because I haven’t heard anythin’.”
Simone’s eyes widened slightly at Ryan’s question and she turned her head away, both her brows raised and her bottom lip twisting into an expression that could only be described as ‘yikes’. Ryan just about caught the brief but meaningful look Simone then exchanged with Ororo.  She narrowed her eyes suspiciously as she glanced over at her white-haired friend, who had half her face damn near buried in a mug of something – probably coffee, given how obsessed with it ‘Ro was –  as if hoping there was a way for her to crawl inside.
“What is going on with y’all?” Ryan probed, the bewilderment clear in her voice as her eyes darted back and forth between the two of them. They usually only acted secretive like this for two reasons: either they were trying to surprise her, or they had bad news to deliver and didn’t know how to rip the band aid off.  
Ororo finally pulled her head away from the mug, feigning an expression of deep thought as she hummed and then clicked her tongue. “I have no clue, Ry, you might wanna ask SiSi though.”
Following her friend’s words Ryan turned to Simone expectantly, a hand resting on her hip as she waited. She was aware she probably looked a lot like her late grandma in that moment but she was beginning to lose what little patience she had left. All she wanted to do was have a glass of wine, eat some fast food and crash out on the sofa watching some trashy reality show that didn’t require too much brain cells to follow the story-line.  
“You ain’t shit, ‘Ro,” Simone murmured under her breath, shooting a quick scowl in the other woman’s direction before clearing her throat and turning to her impatient friend. “Okay, listen. Uh, here’s the thing. Promise you ain’t gonna get mad though?”
Ryan rolled her eyes. “I’m not promising shit, come on with it already.”
“Okay, fine. Fine,” Simone placated. “You remember T’Challa talkin’ about how he’s been looking for a roommate for months now and couldn’t find anyone? Well, uh… he’s found someone.”
Ryan blinked, opened her mouth to speak and then quickly shut it again. Was that it? Don’t get her wrong, she absolutely adored T’Challa and he was a great friend to her, but why Ororo and Simone thought she’d be so affected by it that they had to be communicate with secretive looks had her feeling even more confused. If any one of them was going to have a meltdown over someone else sharing T’Challa’s space it would be Ororo; those two were head over heels for each other but were also both completely blind to the other’s infatuation. Ridiculous.
“… Good for him?” Ryan responded uncertainly, her thoughts beginning to race as she went over the whole conversation again.  Maybe she was missing something that was painfully obvious?  
“It’s his cousin Erik,” Ororo suddenly blurted out, throwing her hands up as if she was apparently unable to take the slow progression of the conversation anymore. “T’s cousin Erik is moving in with him today and that’s why there’s a moving truck outside.”  
All Ryan could do was stare. She didn’t want to say she hated Erik Stevens because hate was a very strong word that she didn’t like throwing around, but she definitely couldn’t stand him. It had started when the three women had been freshmen in college and had met Erik, T’Challa and W’Kabi, who were a couple years older and went to a completely different college, at a house party. Initially they’d all been cool and had soon started hanging out after that, but then something went down between herself and Erik that made them incapable of being in the other’s presence without getting into heated arguments and trading hurtful insults. Because of that even though most of them were still cool with each other it had been ages since they last all hung out. A part of Ryan still felt extremely guilty about that.
Wordlessly she moved towards the glass cabinet, picking up one of her extra-large wine glasses she’d bought a few months back in some random sale and pouring herself a generous amount of wine. She would be calm about this.
Ryan turned back to her friends who were watching her reaction carefully, slowly she began to take a sip of her wine. “How long?”
“How long is he staying at T’s place?” Simone asked.
“How long have y’all known and not said shit to me?” Ryan clarified, pinning both her friends down with a glare.
Ororo got up from her seat at the table and moved towards her friend, ready to embrace her. She was very much the affectionate mother of the group; always offering hugs, always making sure the other two women were taken care of, regularly cooking for them not because she had to but because it was just in her nature. “It’s not like that Ry, it’s just…” she trailed off and looked at Simone for some support.
“It’s just that whenever he’s brought up it really seems to fuck with your whole mood.  We didn’t know how you’d react to him moving into the same goddamn building as us.”
Ryan pursed her lips petulantly. She couldn’t come up with a slick answer to retort back with because she knew her friends had a point. She’d be lying to herself if she said her chest hadn’t gotten heavy just at the mention of his name alone, or if knowing that Erik was in such close proximity to her hadn’t got her stomach feeling all unsettled.
But what exactly could she do about it now? It was done and she’d grown up since the last time she’d seen him, there was no reason why she wouldn’t be able to act civilised if she ever ran into him. She found herself shrugging, “It’s cool, I guess.”
“Ryan…” Ororo sighed, both her expression and her tone stating that she didn’t believe a word that came out of her friend’s mouth.
“Ororo…” Ryan replied, mimicking her tone. “I’m over it, it’ll be fine.”
Before anyone could say anything further, a series of heavy knocks on the front door filled the apartment and pulled them away from the semi-serious conversation. Ryan broke out into a small smile and squeezed Ororo’s arm in reassurance before putting her wine glass down. “I’ll go see who that is,” she announced, a little too relieved at the opportunity to leave the conversation.
Maybe it was the goddamn parcel she’d ordered over a week ago that had finally arrived. 
---
It was not. 
Ryan was completely taken aback at the sight that met her when she opened the door. She guessed the saying definitely must be true: ‘speak of the Devil and he will appear’. Erik N’jadaka Stevens stood opposite her, and looking infuriatingly attractive in a simple grey v neck shirt and a pair of jeans. It was weird, she thought, he’d changed so much since the last time she’d seen him and yet he hadn’t changed that much at all. He was still just as tall and well-built as he always had been, still just as beautifully striking with eyes so intense it made people want to squirm under his gaze. The only real changes to him were the keloid markings that covered his arms and his hair that had grown into locs styled in a fresh looking fade.
It seemed like Erik was just as shocked to see Ryan as she was to see him, if the way his mouth parted and his brown eyes roamed over her figure were any indication. After a few minutes of neither of them speaking he cleared his throat, breaking the silence with the deep and enticing voice of his. “I uh, I ain’t expect to see you here.”
Ryan thought she could detect a hint of uncertainty in his voice but she quickly dismissed it, Erik and uncertainty weren’t two things that went together. She tilted her head to one side as she watched him, a brow raising in disbelief at his words. She just knew he wasn’t trying to insinuate that T’Challa hadn’t told him she lived here. Not only that, but /that/ was what he was choosing to open with? After it had been so long since they’d last been face to face?
“You didn’t expect to see me in my own apartment?”
Erik huffed out a sigh, his face scrunching up a little as it dawned on him just how his words might have come across. “Nah, that ain’t what I meant, what I meant was- ” he paused, taking his time as he searched for the right words. “I just thought Ororo or SiSi would answer.”
Clearly those weren’t the right words to say however, because it only served in making Ryan even more confused and agitated. Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the shitty day she’d had, maybe it was the combination of both those things, but it meant she couldn’t keep the bite out of her voice when she replied. “Uh huh. So my presence in my own apartment isn’t good enough for you? Thanks, Stevens.”
Ryan could tell Erik was also beginning to get irritated from the way his nostrils flared and his body tensed up, like he was prepping himself up for an attack. “Look, I ain’t come down here to deal with all this attitude from you, I - ”
“/My/ attitude?!” Ryan repeated as she cut him off, a scoff leaving her mouth at the boldness this man had, thinking he could say stupid shit and she wouldn’t check him for it. “Y’know what, I’m way too tired for this, be gone spawn of Satan,” she snapped, slamming the door in his face and preventing him from saying anything else.  She was absolutely seething, who did this negro think he was?!
All the noise brought Ororo and Simone rushing into the living room and looking between the door and their best friend, concern on their faces as they both spoke over the other trying to find out what had just gone on. “Girl who was that?” “What happened?”
Unable to find the appropriate words to express how frustrated she was in the moment, Ryan threw her hands up in the air while letting out a loud, disgruntled grumble. She ignored the looks on her friend’s faces as she marched into the kitchen to finish off the rest of the bottle of wine. 
Perhaps she wasn’t as over the whole Erik situation as she’d thought.  
// end
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glynnisi · 5 years
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Endgame Thoughts (spoilers)... and Tumblr
I’ve seen Endgame 5 times now and generally love it.  
Real life has kept me from Tumblr for a while and whenever I come back I’m struck by the sheer PASSION in so many posts.  Passion can be good or bad, of course.  So can Tumblr.  I see many hurt feelings evident.  Apparently people hate the Russos now? I just... can’t.
I can barely breathe (never-ending sickness) and have stuff weighing on me like crazy.  So, I just urge people to pace themselves.  If you’re upset because your fave only got 2 seconds screen time, stop.  They’re likely to get more on the next project.  If you’re upset because your ship got steam-rolled, I understand the disappointment and urge you to free yourself from canon and just go with what makes you happy.  And I offer ((HUGS))... fwiw. I’m so sorry people are hurt!
ANYWAY- my opinions...
ENDGAME SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT
GREAT stuff
- the compassion between Tony & Nebula. Him treating her so sweetly, her pulling him up to a more dignified position when they both thought he was dying. Nebula was awesome throughout.
- SPACE reflected in Cap’s eye.  Overwhelming.  Perfect.
- The overall CAP emphasis in the movie.  As a Steve devotee, THIS is so much of what I’ve always wanted for him.  He and Tony are the leaders.  Steve deserves this much screen time! He looked tasty, too. :)
-Paul Rudd’s nonverbals as Scott sees/greets Cassie again. He’s always funny, but that was something MORE.  Nicely done. Made me cry.
-Time heist... the whole bit is a love letter from Feige/Russos/Marvel/Writers to the fans... and I love them, too, for it.
- callback to TWS elevator scene... the mind-boggling idea of getting Redford for a CAMEO... the twist on that awful phrase and Evans’ cheeky grin as he walks away from them... Steve making fools out of them as payback...Rumlow... ALL the TWS feels. :)  
- Cap/Cap fight.  2012 Cap is more stern.  2023 Cap is exasperated.  By the end, you know that 2012 Cap is freaked out by the compass and the Bucky reveal!  America’s Ass, indeed. :)
- Thor getting a much-needed hug from his mom and all the rich sweetness between Hemsworth & Rene Russo.  Frigga’s pretty awesome.  Seeing Asgard again!  Jane!  I didn’t get a good look at Jane outside her chamber, wondered if it was a double at at first. But it was really Natalie Portman and I’m grateful to her for doing the cameo. :)  Dark World is underappreciated, imo.  I wish Marvel had handled ladies of science better. 
- Steve’s palpable longing as he stared at Peggy through the office window in 1970, NJ.
-ScarJo’s acting throughout the movie.  The PURITY in her face as she urged Clint to let her go!  She broke my heart in bitty pieces.
-My poor, bedraggled Steve facing down Thanos’ entire army and looking like Jon Snow at the Battle of the Bastards x a million. Priceless moment.
- ‘On Your Left’  (more crying, this time w happy anticipation). Audience reaction (what I love about opening weekend). AVENGERS ASSEMBLE
-Thanos’ headbutt not phasing Carol
-Gwyneth’s acting as Pepper told Tony it was okay to REST now.  She’s not generally my fave, but that was beautiful. Felt REAL.
-Cheeseburgers.  I cry more each time.  The callback is gold, pure gold.
MEH 
-New Asgard and Thor handing it over to Valkyrie.  I’m all for women in charge, but Valkyrie wasn’t far ahead of Thor RE depression/addiction during Ragnarok.  I would’ve loved for Darcy to be in New Asgard as their liaison to all things Midgard.  
- Fortnite bit. Not my cuppa.  Dated..I get that it’s popular now.
- I’m surprised that we didn’t see Erik Selvig beyond knowing he got snapped.
- Harley at Tony’s funeral.  Awkward.
NOT Great stuff
- sort of an uneven feel to the Captain Marvel stuff, like the Russos didn’t know what to do with her other than get her offscreen ASAP
-I swear. Marvel couldn’t even give us a glimpse of Betty Ross as a snap victim?  They couldn’t even do that???
-the dimness of the final battle... I would prefer it with saturated colors, even blood red.  I suppose it has to do with effects, but I wish it was better lit. Wish I could have seen the action better.  Will turn up brightness on computer/TV screens when I get it at home.
- Steve’s pic on Peggy’s desk.  It grew three sizes or something. Weird.  And... if Peggy married someone else and had kids and lived a separate life, why was Steve’s pic still on her desk at work 25 yrs after she last saw him?
- NITPICK - If you could just suck the Aether out of Jane, why didn’t they do THAT during Thor the Dark World?  I would PAY to see Steve trying to return that stone. ;) (and soul stone, of course)
- People over thinking the time travel.  The discussions are dizzying in the bad way. And anyone who assumes Peggy wouldn’t still be Director of SHIELD is nuts and doesn’t know her character.
- Bucky getting pushed to the background.  TBH, I’m not a Bucky fan.  But he was always important to Steve and Seb seems sweet.  Even just having him say “Goodbye” to indicate he knew what Steve was up to at the end would’ve been SOMEthing.  I feel bad for all the Bucky stans.  That was harsh.  I think that he was passed over for the shield in part because the character is still recovering, but more because his character wounded Tony Stark via their vivid 12/16/91 history.
- I really wish Kat Dennings/Darcy Lewis had a cameo.  She means so much to me and I miss her.  As I said, I wish she’d been in New Asgard to help those people out.  I hate that she wasn’t in Endgame at all! :(
Questions I wish I Could Ask the Writers/Filmmakers
- What took you from deriding Peggy as “just a kiss” in CACW to “love of Steve’s life” in Endgame?  Was it fan reaction? Chris/Hayley chemistry? Homophobia?
- In Steve’s branch reality, did he somehow get Natasha back from Vormir?  Did he rescue Bucky from Hydra?  Did he change any touchpoints of ‘history’ to try to make that reality better than the one he came from? If not, did Peggy slap him? ;)
- Did RDJ ask for Tony to get the hero’s death?
-What do you wish you’d been able to include in Endgame that you couldn’t? 
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Text
Imagine:
Erik walks in on his homeboys sister stepping out of the shower and she is embarrassed/ has a huge crush on him.
Warnings: Smut. Flash back.
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Micheal and Yara.
Two siblings from Oakland who decided to get an apartment near Telegraph Ave so that Yara could study at Berkeley. Yara is currently studying Art History there and she will be graduating in May at the age of 21. Micheal, her older brother, is into graphic design and web development so he works for a small company creating websites for Architectural businesses. He also does free lance work on the side to earn extra cash so he can afford living in their expensive apartment. Micheal and Yara’s parents are divorced. Their father lives in San Francisco city and their mother lives where Micheal and Yara are with her new husband in Alameda County. Yara used to live with her mother but she didn’t get along with her step father. Micheal brought up the idea of sharing an apartment to Yara since his on-again, off-again girlfriend, Evette decided that she didn’t want to move in with him. 
Currently, Micheal and Evette are arguing about Micheal's whereabouts last Friday evening. Yara was trying to take a nap in her room before her late shift at 9:00 PM as a bar tender. Tossing and turning in her bed covered in fluffy white sheets, Yara groaned loudly before throwing her sheets back, temples pounding with a tension headache that Yara tries to sooth by massaging them but it doesn’t work. Only in a Metallica T-shirt, Yara grabs a pair of Champions sweatpants from her dresser, sliding her feet in her canary yellow UGG slippers, and walking out of her bedroom. Yara’s eardrums damn near bust when she stepped into the hallway of the apartment. Rubbing the cold from her eyes, Yara walked out into the living room area coming face to face with the source of the commotion.
“STOP LYING!” Evette, Short, petite, reminded Yara of Keyshia Cole because of her bright red hair and nose piercing, tossed a decorative pillow at Micheal from across the room. Micheal caught it with his quick reflexes before placing it back on the couch. He didn’t appear bothered at all by Evette’s screaming and hollering.
“Evette, I ain’t got nothing to lie about. I told you, I was with my boy, Erik. He’s back in town for a little while before he goes back to the Military,” Micheal spoke with a flat tone, eyes bored.
“I don’t believe you. I think you were with some girl. I think you’re out here sticking your dick in some other bitch. When I find out, I’m beating both of yall ass, for real,” Evette threatens Micheal with one of her long acrylic hot pink nails almost jabbing him in the eye. 
“This ain’t the first time you accused me of cheating,” Micheal ran his hands down his face, “It’s really getting on my nerves, Evette. The constant trying to go through my phone, picking fights with me, the insecurities. What do I have to lie about? I could have dropped you years ago but no, I care about you too much to do that. Now, I’m just tired of you acting like a damn child.”
“Ahem,” Yara clears her throat.
Micheal and Evette turn towards her.
“Do y’all mind taking this shit somewhere else? I have to work tonight and I can’t sleep with all this yelling.”
“Hi to you too, Yara,” Evette spoke sarcastically.
“Bitch, don’t give me attitude. Do you pay the bills in here?” Yara has her fists balled up like she was ready to hit Evette. Evette simply laughs, staring at Yara like she’s a joke before turning her attention back to Micheal.
“My bad, little sis, Evette was just leaving-“
“WHAT?” Evette’s voice grew loud again.
“You heard me. Bounce. If you don’t trust me I can’t deal with you, Evette.”
Evette folds her arms across her perky chest, “Do you actually mean it this time around or will you be calling me tomorrow night asking to come over? you are famous for that shit, Mike.”
Micheal groans, “I don’t know right now. All I know is I need you to leave so I can clear my head, you know what I’m saying?”
“Okay, clear your head, GOTCHA,” Evette turns around, practically stomping to the door, “Lying ass piece of shit.”
“Don’t slam the door either!”Micheal yells.
BAM!
“Yeah,” Micheal closes his eyes to calm himself.
“You’re better than me. I feel like following her and kicking that bitch down the steps. You need to drop her, Mike. Do you even see what’s going on?”
“Nah, baby sis, tell me what’s up? What am I NOT seeing?”
Yara tilted her head at Micheal with sad eyes. Micheal shrugged his shoulders as if he didn’t understand what Yara was trying to tell him without using words.
“You can be so damn thick-headed sometimes,” Yara threw her hands up matter-of-factually, “Evette is cheating on you, Mike. She’s just trying to give you a reason to end things so she can continue fucking whoever she is fucking without you knowing.”
“Wait...what?” Micheal says with disbelief.
“You’re Girl? The love of your life? She’s fucking someone else, Mike.”
Micheal blinked at Yara with bewildered eyes.
“Listen, fool, while you’re sitting there stuck on stupid, Evette is driving to a dick appointment trying to think of a plan B to get rid of yo’ ass. Just end it with her. The shit is toxic. I don’t even want a nigga to step into my personal space after witnessing the shit you and Evette go through.”
“If Evette is cheating on me...” Micheal didn’t finish his sentence but Yara knew her brother would bring hell to earth if he caught Evette fucking another man. As much as they bickered and broke up, Evette was her brothers first real love. He wouldn’t admit it, but Micheal would be heart broken.
“Then I’m going to whip her ass,” Yara said in her brothers defense, “Nobody fucks with my bro like that.”
“I’ll let you beat her ass too.”
Yara kisses her brothers forehead, “I’m going to go back in bed, I am so exhausted with school- hold up, did you say that you were with Erik?”
“Yeah,” Micheal said whole scrolling through his phone, “He’s back for a little while.”
“I haven’t seen Erik in, like, three years?”
“Yeah, it’s been a long ass time. I thought he forgot about us,” Micheal laughs, “He’ll be here later if you want to catch him before you go to work.”
“Mama was asking about him a few days ago,” Yara says recalling the conversation they both had when she went to visit her. Micheal and Yara’s mother always pulled the photo albums out whenever they came to see her. The photo album she brought out when Yara came over was Micheal’s prom photos. Micheal and Erik went to prom together their senior year.
“Look at Erik! Wasn’t he so skinny?!” Yara’s mama says.
“Yeah, mama, he was swimming in his suit.”
Yara’s eyes twinkled when she stared at Erik’s photo. Her first ever crush. The guy she kissed on a whim when she was 18 and he was 24. Yara felt so embarrassed. Erik simply gave her a kind smile, hugging her tightly. She felt like a silly child. Erik was a grown man. Ever since then, Yara hadn’t seen Erik.
“You Aight?” Micheal looked over at Yara with a smirk.
“I’m fine.”
Yara couldn’t stop thinking about her brothers friend who used to spend the night when they were kids. His friend who wore only a pair of basketball shorts when he slept. His friend who used to stand in Yara’s doorway to her bedroom teasing her.
“You’re not lying to me, are you?”
“No, I’m not,” Yara looked off to the side.
“When you look away like that it’s a sign that you’re lying. You ain’t gotta tell me, it’s probably some nasty shit that I really don’t want to know anyway.”
“Shut up, Mike,” Yara rolls her eyes, turning away to walk back to her room with her middle finger raised behind her, directed towards her brother.
——————
A few hours later:
Erik Stevens stepped off of the elevator within Micheal and Yara’s apartment building on Telegraph Ave. kinky fro freshly shaped up and a new fit and shoes on his feet, Erik checked his text message from Micheal that informed him of what apartment it is.
“9C,” Erik places his phone back inside of his jacket pocket, eyes searching from left to right before spotting the crisp white door with a bronze letter C on it and a tiny peep hole. Erik knocks, the gold Piaget watch on his right wrist making a loud tapping sound against the surface of the door. In under two seconds, Micheal opens the door, a broad smile on his handsome chocolate face when he noticed who it was.
“What’s up, cuz?” Micheal gave Erik dabs, “I ain’t expect you to be over this early, bruh, you good?”
“I’m good, I just needed to get away from CeCe. You know she offered for me to stay at her new place instead of a hotel.”
“You know you have to tell me about all of that, right?” Micheal jokes, holding his door open further for Erik to enter. Erik steps inside, his eyes admiring the urban styled apartment. It was Boho vintage with different shades of browns, greens, and reds. The living room was decorated and furnished with cream colored walls, Urban photographs of Oakland, cactus plants, a standout leather sofa set in a dessert brown color accompanied with khaki colored patch work leather ottomans and an elegantly modern coffee table featuring a round metal tabletop in a brushed, antique brass finish. 60 inch flat screen TV, an acacia wood credenza that Erik was sure is filled with old 70s and 80s records.
“Shit, let me take my shoes off, I don’t want to mess up this nice carpet,” Erik kicks his shoes off near the front door.
“You can put them in that shoe rack right there if you want. Yara got that from the thrift store about a week ago.”
Erik looks up at Micheal with expectant eyes, “Little Yara? She lives with you? what happened with Evette?”
“Long story, bro, Yara and I decided to get a place together close to Berkeley and I work for that new company I was telling you about last weekend so we can commute easier. Plus, you know moms live near us too.”
“Yeah, yeah. So, what is little Yara studying at Berkeley?”
Micheal smiles like a proud older brother, “Art History. She wants to become a Curator.”
“I’ve always seen her working in a museum. She loves history so much,” Erik reminisced with a slight smirk, “Is she here?”
“Straight back there-Wait.”
Erik was ready to rush back to see her.
“Let me see if she’s decent. She gotta work in about a few hours.”
“No problem, bruh, I’ll chill out here.”
Erik watches Micheal walk to the back of the apartment where the rooms are. Taking a seat on the leather couch, Erik strokes his beard, thinking about Yara. He hadn’t seen her in three years. He wondered how different she looked. By different he meant mature and filled out like a women. Back when she was just 18 years of age, Yara was so petite and athletic since she played Lacrosse, braces on her teeth, and so sweet and innocent. From what Micheal told Erik last weekend when they went out to a Hookah bar for Boys night, Yara gained weight. Micheal joked about it, typical sibling teasing, but Erik wished he could have seen a picture. Now, his mind went back to when Yara kissed him the night of her graduation party before Erik left to start his JSOC training. He honestly didn’t know how to respond. Yara looked like her world came crashing down when he didn’t reciprocate the same feelings. She was much younger than him, Erik has her by six years. She was 18 and he was 24. Yeah, Yara was legal but it still felt weird. He always knew little Yara had a crush on him and he surely didn’t want Micheal to know about it.
“She’s still asleep,” Micheal walked back out with a generous bag filled with an eighth of top-shelf weed, “You want to smoke a blunt and tell me about this bitch named CeCe?”
———————
Yara. Don’t forget. The history project is due tomorrow night. Since you’re group lead, you have to submit it.
Yara rolls her eyes at the group chat she was in with her fellow History classmates. That assignment was the last thing on her damn mind. Yara closes her Mac, stretching her curvy body out like a cat before getting up from her comfy bed. Like a strong wind, the smell of kush hit her nose. Yara noticed that her bedroom door is cracked. Micheal must have come to check on her. Yara slips on a pair of Champion Reverse Weave drawstring shorts that were folded on the end of her bed in a pink color, bed hair and all, walking out of her room and towards the living room. When she entered the hallway, two male voices could be heard. It finally dawned on Yara who the other male present could be.
Erik.
Yara walks to the bathroom, deciding to wipe her face off and brush her teeth. She still needed to shower but that could wait until she ate something. Admiring her hair, Yara reaches up to pull her hair tie from her curly hair, fluffing it out and shaking her head so it wouldn’t look like she just rolled out of bed. Yara then brushes her teeth, using her water closer afterwards. Satisfied, Yara takes in a deep breath to try and calm the butterflies in her stomach before walking out of the bathroom and towards the living room area.
“So, you’re telling me that CeCe is trying to hook you up with someone? why are you there?”
“You know she likes playing match made in heaven. CeCe is cool, Mike, I know me and her used to fuck around before I left but it ain’t even like that now. Just a friend helping out a friend. No big thing.”
Micheal chuckles, “E, I know you, man. You had all that pussy around you to play with and you ain’t have a taste? Nigga-“
“Like I said, nah. I don’t want that anymore or her friend she’s trying to get me with. Her friend just wants to know how the dick CeCe used to get is really about. You can look at me like that all you want. Everything is temporary. I’m shopping for a house right now-“
“You can just sleep on our couch-“
“I’m too big for this fucking couch,” Erik laughs, “Once my house is built from the ground up, you’ll see that it was all worth it. And you know I can’t stay with our other friends they gon’ get me caught up and I don’t need to be in jail.”
Erik takes a puff of weed before handing it over to Mike.
Micheal accepts the weed, instantly smoking it before letting the smoke out from his nose, “You’re a changed man, E. Got a house in the works, left the hood to pursue your dreams of being this J.I Joe motherfucker,” Erik playfully jabs Micheal in his ribs, “Seeiously, man, I’m proud of you. Wait until Yara sees you, bruh.”
Erik licks his lips before raising a single brow, “What you mean by that?
“She ain’t gonna believe this the same Erik from three years ago. What you do? Get inside of the same machine as Captain America?”
“Funny, nigga.”
Yara didn’t reveal herself just yet. She just wanted to hear him talk. Erik’s voice definitely appeared deeper. Raspy, then husky, then deep and gruff. When he genuinely laughed it was still just as light as before. Yara peeked out into the living room. A tiny gasp escaped her mouth. Kinky fro, muscles, facial hair, and tiny scars on his arms is what she noticed first. Micheal was right, this was Erik 2.0. Then, whenever he talked; those lush lips moving, Yara saw gold canines in his mouth. He looked so rough and scruffy. The Military definitely made him harder.
“Yara, stop being nosy!” Micheal yells. Yara almost jumped where she stood. She was so in tune with her thoughts that she hadn’t realized how close she’d gotten into the living room.
“Shut up Mike!” Yara fired back. With nervous eyes, Yara looked over at Erik. He didn’t speak, all he did was look fixedly at her with his eyes wide open. It was as if time stood still and she was the only thing that mattered in that room. Even the weed in Erik’s hand could burn to ash.
“Hi, Erik,” Yara couldn’t stop herself from grinning when Erik smiled at her with his dimples.
“Little Yara, what’s going on girl!” Erik hands Micheal the blunt back before standing from the couch, walking over to Yara with his arms outstretched for her to give him a big hug. Yara walks up to Erik, giggling nervously before bringing her arms around his waist, squeezing him. Erik rocked Yara back and forth while his chin rested on top of her curly head. Erik then brings his lips down to kiss Yara’s forehead before pulling her away to get a good look at her.
Heart shaped face, dimple in her chin, glittering eyes fringed with long eyelashes that reminded him of maple syrup, silken skin like cinnamon, ebony ringlets that made her thick but arched brows pop, lips full and glossy with a prominent Cupid’s bow. Erik’s eyes burned with desire when he gazed at Yara’s voluptuous, curvy, ample, and generous body. She really filled out from the last time he saw her. Mike can joke all he wants but Yara looked...
Erik covered his eyes with his hands, a suppressed laugh escaping his mouth before he opened his arms wide for her to hug him again. Yara giggles, stepping back into his embrace again to accept his hug. He smelled like patchouli. Tall, brawny, chiseled, broad-shouldered, and hulking, Yara couldn’t get over how comfortable she felt within Erik’s embrace. The deep baritone of his voice made her shiver.
“Look at you girl, all grown up. Crazy how that happened in three years, right?”
“That’s what I’m saying,” Yara turned her face away timidly, “So, how is the Military treating you? I mean...” Yara looks Erik up and down with a shake of her head, “It seems like it’s treating you nice. Go hard or go home, right?
“Treating me like I’m a piece of shit but it’s worth it,” Erik laughs, “The Military transformed me.”
Yes it did
“You do look great, I almost didn’t recognize you sitting on that couch. The hair, the muscles, the scars...”
Yara looked at them, her hand extending out suddenly to touch a row of scars that looked freshly raised against his skin.
“Don’t.”
Yara jolted upright, her hand jerking away. His voice and the look he gave her had her shrank in front of him.
“Shit, my bad, girl. You don’t want to touch these. Bad memories. That’s all, little Yara, I’m sorry.”
“It’s...it’s okay,” Yara steps away, shifting from one foot to the other, “Good to see you though, Erik.”
“You too, girl,” Erik scratched his beard before reluctantly turning away from Yara to take his seat next to Micheal on the couch. Yara watched him walk away while tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. The way they greeted eachother felt so different. Erik wasn’t only physically changed, He’s mentally changed too.
“Shouldn’t you be getting ready for work?” Micheal stretched his slender tattoo covered arms above his head.
“Yeah, but I’m hungry so,” Yara rubbed her hands on her thighs to get rid of the sweat before walking away and into the kitchen. Yara finally exhaled when she entered the kitchen after holding her breath while walking past Erik. The kitchen was open and you could peek into the living room. Erik was sitting directly across from Micheal staring straight ahead at Yara while smoking his blunt. He tilted his head at her while half listening to Micheal talk about Evette. Yara turned her face away, grabbing a loaf of wheat bread from the counter to make herself a PB&J sandwich.
“Little sis, what you cooking up in there?”
“Nothing for you,” Yara spread strawberry jam on her bread, “Why don’t you order in?”
“I was thinking about it, E, I’ma make a liquor run real quick, you want anything?”
“I got some good stuff in the car I can grab, you aint gon’ drink it so don’t even ask.”
“Yeah, I like my own shit,” Micheal stood from the couch, walking towards the back of the apartment to his room. It was silent minus the low TV and Yara washing the butter knife she used to make her sandwich. Erik leaned back into the leather couch, crossing his arms over his solid chest. He watched Yara walk over to the trash can to toss a paper towel in the trash that she most likely used to clean up crumbs or spilled jam. Erik has a great view of Yara’s thick ass bending over, her drawstring shorts raising up her thighs and getting caught between her ass cheeks. Such a beautiful sight has Erik’s brows knitted as he gave her a once-over. At that particular moment, Yara looked back at him as if she could feel his eyes boring into her.
“Hi.” She spoke in a trembling tone.
“Hi, back,” Erik says suggestively.
“Did Mike leave yet?”
“Nah-“
“Aight, I’ll be back, y’all good? Need anything?” Micheal was back with a hoodie on, a dad cap, and a pair of vans on his feet.
“Can you stop by that corner market that sells those organic fruits? I want some mangos.” Yara yelled from the kitchen.
Micheal grabbed the door knob, pausing, “I’m making a liquor run too.”
“Oh! I want some Hypnotiq.”
“Cool, you, E?”
“We can order in when you get back, I’m good.”
“Bet, I’ll be back.”
Micheal exits.
“Mike still just as skinny as he was since the last time I saw him” Erik laughs.
“Yeah, he can eat but it goes nowhere. Me, I gained all the weight in the world.”
Erik gave Yara a dismissive wave of his hand, “Girl, you look good. Ain’t nothing wrong with the weight you put on.”
Yara giggles, popping a green grape in her mouth, “Thank you.”
“No problem,” Erik craned his neck to try and see her, “Why don’t you come in here and eat. Over there hiding and shit from a nigga.”
“Okay,” Yara got up from the dining room table, walking through the kitchen and entering the living room. She decided to sit her plump bottom on the floor while using one of the leather ottomans as a surface for her grapes and half eaten sandwich.
“So, how have you been?” Erik asked while rolling a new blunt.
“I’ve been doing just fine. Ready to graduate honestly.” Yara nervously rubbed her shoulder before gazing at Erik, “You?”
“Busy, busy, busy,” Erik’s onyx eyes landed on hers before looking back at his blunt, “Just traveling, training, that’s about it.”
“Oh,” Yara massaged the back of her neck, “Does those scars have anything to do with it?”
“Partly, yeah.”
“I see,” Yara admires them, “They look...they don’t look like typical scars.”
“That’s because they’re not.” Erik spoke in a flat tone.
“Let me just, stop asking,” Yara laughs awkwardly.
Erik chuckles, “It’s not a subject I rather talk about with you, Little Yara.”
“I understand. I won’t pry.”
“Cool,” Erik takes a hit of his blunt, cheeks blowing out as they filled with smoke, “Seeing anybody?”
“Nope. I haven’t for the past three months. Been trying to stay focused. Men are a distraction.”
“Y’all women are too,” Erik laughs, smoke escaping his nose.
Yara cocked her head, “So, my guess is you aren’t seeing anyone either.”
Erik licks his lips, “I don’t have time for that.”
“Does that include sex too?”
Erik clapped his hands together while chuckling, “Ahhhh, shit, Yara, did you just ask me about my sex life? Are you having sexxxxxxx?!
“I did. And I’m grown, ERIK, so yes, I’m having sex,” Yara gave a half shrug while rolling her eyes.
“21, right? I remember when I was 21. Legally can drink now and everything. Too bad you still can’t hang with us,” Erik chuckles.
Yara gave Erik the finger, “fuck you, don’t play with me like that.”
“I’m just saying, I remember you graduating high school the last time I saw you. Now you’re in your 20s, barely.”
Yara lowered her head, “Will you always remember me like that? Like DAMN, I did grow up, nigga.”
Erik noticed the attitude in her voice, “You’re mad at me?”
“Just annoyed,” Yara stood up, grabbing her food, “I’m gonna eat in my room so I can look over this project I have to submit tomorrow. I’ll see you later, Erik.”
Confused, Erik watched Yara practically storm away. He didn’t understand why his words offended her so much. It’s just what Erik is used to. He’s used to seeing Yara so young not a 21 year old adult. It was all still so new to him. Deciding not to chase after her, Erik gets up from the couch to retrieve his shoes so he could grab his drink from his car.
———————
Yara couldn’t even focus.
She was really bothered by Erik’s comments.
It was mainly because every time he cracked jokes she thought about her kissing him. He probably cracked jokes about that too. Clearly, Erik couldn’t look past the fact that Yara is Mike’s little sis. She really thought he was past that when he first laid eyes on her. She could tell what a look of lust was in a man’s eyes since Yara often receives that look. Erik’s eyes were gleaming with desire and attraction. He almost looked shocked that it was Yara. Then, the way he looked her up and down. His eyes damn near gaped when she noticed him staring while she was in the kitchen. Pupils flared and all. Now, it was as if he was trying to hide the attraction he has towards her after three years. Yara was disappointed honestly. She always thought the next time she ever saw Erik they would honestly re-do that kiss and possibly have sex. If Yara had the choice to go back and lose her virginity it would have been with Erik.
Glancing at her phone, Yara noticed it was around 7:45 PM. Luckily, the bar she worked at wasn’t too far from her. Yara didn’t drive so she usually walked or caught an Uber. Lifting from her soft and fluffy floor cushion, Yara grabs her white cotton towel and soap sponge to take a shower. Leaving her room, she could hear Erik watching a basketball game. Yara closes her bedroom door, walking across to the bathroom, closing the door behind her softly. She began to undress, stripping her clothes from her body into a wrinkled pile on the floor near the sink. Opening the medicine cabinet, Yara grabs her Dove sensitive skin body wash and exfoliating spin brush. She couldn’t stop herself from thinking about Erik being in the living room right now while she was naked in the bathroom. There was no way Yara could ignore the growing dampness between her legs. She hadn’t been wet to the thought of Erik in a very long time.
Luke warm water running, Yara pulled the tribal patterned shower curtain back, stepping inside carefully not to slip on the the shower mat, then closing the curtain behind her. Yara forgot to pin her hair up but she needed to wash her hair anyway so she allowed it to grow wet while she wet her body completely. Grabbing her exfoliating brush and the body wash, Yara applied the body wash to her curvy body, turning on her brush and in a circular motion, began to cleanse her skin from the neck down. She had a separate skin care routine and a spin brush for that as well. Yara lifts her leg on the side of the tub to wash behind her thighs, the warm water running down her ass and to her pussy. Yara felt extra tingly between her legs. She didn’t have time to rub off in the shower and she forgot her favorite vibrator in her bed room. Groaning, Yara tried to ignore it as best as she could while scrubbing the top of her feet.
————————
Erik sat cross-faded with his eyes sitting low. The basketball game was just background noise for him. Bored out of his mind, Erik really wanted to go and talk to Yara. He didn’t want to approach her on some awkward shit but at the same time he missed talking to her. Erik remembers how he used to talk and goof off with Yara from her doorway when they were younger. Micheal is very long-winded and sitting on the couch will eventually lead to Erik falling asleep. Erik leans forward on his elbow to peek down the hall where Yara’s bedroom is located. The hall was brightly lit from the light and he couldn’t tell which room was hers exactly. All the damn doors looked the same.
“Fuck it,” Erik places his phone on the coffee table, rising from the couch and making his way down the hall. Hands in his pockets, Erik approaches the first door. He knocks, no sound, twisting the knob and opening the door. It was Mikes room. Erik closes the door, walking further down the hall and approaching a door to his right. The light was on, he could tell from the glow beneath the door. Erik knocks, no sound. He grabs the brass knob, twisting it, then opening. Standing there, Erik’s chest rose and fell with rapid breaths. His mouth hung open and his eyes went round as if they were about to fall out of their sockets. He gawked at the sight of Yara before him. A sight he never imagined in a million years he would see up until now.
Yara was arched over the bathtub with her ass pointed straight out at Erik. Erik could smell cleaning products; Fabuloso from what it smelled like. The water in the tub was on full blast as Yara cleaned the porcelain. Her body was still wet and she had a T-shirt wrapped around her hair. Yara’s ass jiggled each time she scrubbed the tub out. She wasn’t aware of his presence. Erik was so stunned by her naked body and the fact that he walked in on her that he couldn’t even speak.
Too late.
Yara lifts her body up, turning to place the scrub brush on the floor near the tub, her eyes catching Erik standing within the entrance to the bathroom. Yara felt as if her heart was leaving her body. Shell-shocked almost. Now, her breasts were revealed to him. Large, big brown areolas and nipples soaking wet and dripping, curvy waistline glistening with water down to her waxed mound and thighs. Pretty toes painted white with a tattoo of a rose on her left foot. Yara looked appetizing. Yara bit her lip bashfully, eyes glossy as if she wanted to cry from embarrassment, her hands reaching out to the toilet to grab her folded towel. Yara presses her lips together to try and stop her lower lip from trembling and eyes her looked heavenward.
Yara spoke with a shaky voice, “I-Why didn’t you knock? Erik?”
Erik didn’t respond. His eyes were ablaze staring straight at her face. He felt turned on but at the same time he felt guilty. Luckily, Yara couldn’t see how fat and long his dick had gotten within his jeans. She couldn’t hear him, maybe he should have knocked harder. Yara’s hands were shaking and she couldn’t meet his eyes. She was overly embarrassed and not at all prepared. Yara crosses her thighs, pressing the towel further into her chest.
“...I knocked. I should have knocked again. Shit, Yara, I’m sorry-“
“Just-it’s cool,” Yara sized Erik up before rolling her eyes, “Can’t go back now, yeah?”
“I’m so fucking sorry, Yara,” Erik felt like shit, “I’m so so so sorry, Yara.”
“Erik, stop with the apologizing,” Yara drew in a long breath.
“I’m just gonna go,” Erik turns away, walking out of the bathroom. Yara stayed rooted to the spot, her hand pressing further into her chest to calm her rapid heart beat. As always whenever Yara felt embarrassed, she sighed before laughing quietly to herself. Pinching the bridge of her nose, Yara shook her head at what just happened. She was afraid to even look Erik in his eyes now. He saw her in full on nudity. Not in her panties and bra, not in a swimsuit, not wrapped with a fluffy towel, no, fully naked.
Twirling a strand of hair that fell from under the T-shirt, and chewing on her cuticles, Yara gathered herself before leaving the bathroom. She places the cleaning products back in its designated basket under the sink before grabbing her sponge. Yara walked out of the bathroom, entering the hallway and her eyes disobeying her as she nervously glanced into the living room. There seated on the couch with his eyes focused on her, was Erik. Like a magnet, Yara couldn’t pull her eyes away. It was as if he waited to see her leave.
Yara raised a hand in greeting.
He waved.
Yara hung her head, a small smile on her face.
Erik did the same thing before looking at her again.
“I hope this doesn’t make it weird between me and you,” Yara says.
“Never,” Erik spoke with his deep voice, “it could never be weird with you.”
Yara licks her lips, eyes set with long lashes blinking slowly at Erik.
“What are you thinking?” Erik asks while leaning forward on his elbows.
“I’m...I...just-forget it-“
“Nah, tell me.” Erik pushes his eyes searching.
“Mike will be back soon, I have to get dressed.”
“He ain’t back yet,” Erik tilts his head at her, “Don’t be so shy. It’s me, Erik.”
“But it’s what I’m thinking that I shouldn’t be,” Yara crosses her ankles in front of her while staring at her toes.
“Well, I wanna know.”
Yara fidgeted with her fingers before looking up at Erik through her lashes, “I was thinking that I’m glad you saw me like that. I’ve always wanted you to see me like that. Sorry I stormed away like I did earlier.”
Erik swallows spit, his Adam’s apple bobbing. Erik has to look away himself, scratching his nose. He wasn’t prepared for that response at all. Little Yara always wanted him to see her naked. He knew she had a school girl crush on him. No wonder why she didn’t rush to cover herself even though she still looked embarrassed.
“No worries, ma. Uh,” Erik scratches his dreads, “So...you’ve always wanted me to see you naked?”
Yara toyed with a lock of hair, “Yeah...” she spoke with her voice barely above a whisper.
“You shouldn’t talk like that, little Yara, you’ll get yourself in trouble.”
They way he said that sounded so dangerous like fucking with him was the last thing any women would want to do. But Erik didn’t understand, that was ALL Yara wanted to do. He was back, if she didn’t make a move now he would be gone again.
“It’s been a while since you’ve seen me, Erik, I dabbled in trouble,” Yara spoke with a honeyed tone.
“Maybe you should get in that bedroom before Mike gets here then,” Erik says with a sly smirk.
“Yeah, maybe,” Yara giggles before letting out a sigh,
“Bye, Erik.”
“Bye, Yara.”
She didn’t want to move. She really wanted Erik to get up and follow her into her bedroom.
“What you waiting on?” Erik says inclining his head towards the bedroom, “Get in there, little Yara.”
“Come with me?” Yara says before she could even stop herself.
Erik’s eyes dropped and his lips parted. Eyes fully closed now, he clenched his jaw to try and calm his dick. Too bad it was already growing stiff in his jeans. The way she told him to come with her. Such a tempting little thing. Nothing he expected Yara to ever say to him. She’s right, she definitely is a grown women now. Erik wondered what that body could really do.
“I’m-im Sorry,” Yara’s brows creased, eyes cast down at her hands, “I’m being a little too bold right now.”
Erik looked towards the door, then back at Yara. He took in the sight of her barely able to keep that towel around her body.
“You mean what you said? You’re not playing games?” Erik asks with a serious tone, “Cuz if I get up off this couch and come with you, you’re getting all of me, girl.”
“I know,” Yara bites her bottom lip, “I know what I want.”
The way her lips pouted and her eyes looked up at him all innocent caused Erik to stand up slowly from the couch. Erik drew his lower lip between his teeth hands in his jeans pockets before stepping forward. Yara’s lower lip trembled and her breath came out in short gasps. Standing directly next to her now, towering over her with his large intimidating frame, was Erik looking down at Yara with awe transforming his face. Not wanting to waste anymore time, Yara began to walk forward towards her bedroom. Yara twisted the handle, turning to face Erik before opening the door. Erik followed her into darkness, Yara turning to face him with timid eyes. Erik raised a single brow at her, silently asking her if she was sure about this. Yara swallows spit before nodding her head slowly. Erik licks his lips before closing that door behind him, the light that illuminated the hallway disappearing.
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sweeter-thejuice · 6 years
Text
Bound: I
OC x Erik
Warnings: smut, angst 
Word Count: 6.2k 
Sweat glistened off of my body while my legs pumped at full speed, half resistance on the elliptical. With music blasting in my ear, I pumped hard trying to drown out the stress and trepidation that resonated through my bones over these past five days. Coming back to my hometown gave me a certain uneasiness that I couldn't ignore. The gym being my main stress outlet, I made it my first priority, the second I got here, to get a weekend pass to work out until I was numb, physically and mentally. 
It’s been three years since I left this town, unannounced. Mia, my best friend, being the only person informed of my whereabouts. I made the impulsive decision of moving from New York to California, 2,764 miles away from everyone, the day after my high school graduation. This weekend was the first time we’d seen in each other in years. Over the past years, the act of Mia and I interacting, physically, was forbidden and taboo. I wanted nothing persuading or swaying me to feel guilty of my selfish decision. We communicated through social media and FaceTime, keeping our connection strong. Now that I’m prepared, and my life in California is too established for me to leave, I decided it was time for us to have a reunion.
 Minus the constant trouble, negative energy and depression, I did, unfortunately, have a good, oblivious life here in Brooklyn. The universe gave me friends that cared about me, a boyfriend who loved me, and, all-in-all, a family that I chose. 
~
We’re called the fab five. Five of the baddest, black women in our hometown walking around like the world revolved around our satisfaction. Honestly, we’re just a bunch of rude bitches, dividing and starting unnecessary mess within our community. The fab five hosts all of the parties, keeps our grades top of our class, dresses to impress, keeps our hair and nails slayed and only dates men that were above or on our level. You had to be cute, to our standards, or rich to associate yourself with us. We didn't even know the damage we were causing to self-esteems and quite frankly, we didn't care. The group started in the ninth grade and lasted until our senior year, surprisingly. 
Tori, a dark-skinned, beautiful demon is the leader of the group. With her being rich, powerful and smart, the name and rules of the group was coined by her. Jade, Tori’s right hand woman, is always cleaning up Tori’s mess and creating some of her own. Her light skin complexion got her in and out of a lot of trouble. Keiosha, another member, followed Tori and Jade. The most calm of the group, Kei made it a priority to stay out of mess and settle any beefs. Although peace is her mantra, she finds herself in a lot of sticky situations, you know, with her head being stuck up Tori’s round ass. Then there’s Mia, a sad, depressed, troubled young woman and my best friend. We are polar opposites from everyone else and try to stay as far away from their mess as possible. The only reason we joined the group is because of the connections and, although we hate to admit, power. 
“Bitches, we’re getting dumb lit prom weekend!” Tori announced while stuffing chicken nuggets in her perfect mouth. The rich bitch payed the security guard to allow the fab five to leave campus for food. Her father owned an oil company and her mother was an investment banker. The influence that they had on the school and public officials around them were too real. There was nothing money couldn't get them. “My mom rented out this club in upstate New York and we’re going to have the time of our lives. Free drinks, an unlimited supply of weed, a DJ, food catering, you name it and it’s there! My dad set up the arrangement and he’s working on the flyers. We’ll be passing them out Wednesday.” A squeal came from the girls that sat next to her, Jade to her right and Keiosha to her left, both her little minions. Unimpressed, Mia and I gave each other a look and stood up from the table. 
“Uh, sounds good,” I said picking up my bag and putting on my backpack, “we’ll catch up with you all later.” 
Tori waved her hand, dismissing us like we asked for her permission. Just a couple of more months and I don't have to look at this tired ho ever again. If it was up to me, I would've beat her ass a long time ago, but my fear of jail and losing all of my life investments spooked me out of the idea. Being her friend wasn’t all that miserable. I got a bomb ass scholarship out of the situation, Bill Gates to be exact. Almost one million dollars for college that I can spend at my own leisure. No debt, all four years paid for and extra spending money is what heaven sounds like to the average college student.
“Is she trying to mess up our opportunities or something? Talking about alcohol and weed. Bitch, we’re barely eighteen!” Mia ranted beside me. We were headed to our sixth period, government class that we shared together. 
“Girl, you know how that silly bitch gets, thinking she runs New York and shit. I’m not going to the party. I refuse to associate myself with her after prom.” Mia shook her head in agreement. Inches away from the classroom, Mia took my hand and pulled me backwards. 
“Wait!” 
I yanked my hand from her firm grasp. 
“Girl, what the fuck is wro-” I was about to tear the bitch another asshole when the sound of the orchestra played beautifully behind me. 
When you're feeling lost in the night 
When you feel your world just ain’t right 
Call on me, I will be waiting 
Count on me, I will be there 
Monica’s, For You I Will was being sung by our school’s choir. They all wore yellow, my favorite color. The smiles on their faces were enough to wipe my anger away and send me into a smiling fit. I turned to Mia to see if she had some information but my eyes immediately fell to the beautiful yellow rose in her hand. Holding it closer to my face, she shook her head and stuck out her tongue. 
“Take the flower bitch and go in the classroom!” I took the flower from her hand as she slid my backpack from my shoulders. My legs moved hesitantly towards the classroom where I was instantly blown off my feet at the scenery inside. 
Hanging from the ceiling were beautiful yellow lights and the desks were pushed against the back wall. Yellow flowers, dahlias, my favorite, were shaped on the floor in letters that spelt out the words ‘Prom, lil nigga?’. A chuckle escaped my lips as tears rolled down my cheek. Nobody but Erik’s weird ass would do something so thoughtful and romantic, yet so hood. My tears were cut short when I felt a couple of strongs arms wrap around me. 
“Prom,” his lips grazed my ear, “lil nigga?” 
Turning around to meet his gaze, I pecked his lips. “Sure, big nigga.” With the choir and orchestra still going, we swayed in the middle of the classroom to our favorite song. 
~
I pumped a couple of more times before my music paused and started again.
bestfriend sent you a message:
-Bitch, the kick back starts in 10 minutes.
Honestly, I forgot all about that party. Going to the party was not apart of my agenda. There was going to be too many of my demons there for me to face, unfinished business. If it wasn't for Mia manipulating and threatening me, I would've blocked her number and called her when I got back to Cali. 
Forcefully removing myself from the machinery, I shot her a quick text saying that I’d be there in thirty minutes. I walked to the gym’s restroom, wiped my body with a fresh towel then headed to my car. 
The girls and I planned on going to NYU together before I broke the group up changing to UCLA at the last minute. The fab five was not true to my character or who I wanted to be as a woman. Being self-absorbed is not a bad thing but when it’s used to divide and single out other women, it reaches a new form of evil. The group was not the best time of my life and if I could erase some of the memories from it, I would and that’s exactly what I wanted to do. If it wasn't for the history, prior to joining the group, that Mia and I shared, I would've cut her off too, but she was my sister and we promised to always be there for each other.
I parked in front of the huge chateau, belonging to the leader of our dismantled group. It was supposed to be a small get together, only the fab five and their plus one, but the cars splattered out of the driveway and on the road said other wise. Glancing at my self in the mirror, I pulled my now frizzy silk press back in a ponytail, adjusted my sports bra and smeared lip gloss on my lips. Maybe, I should’ve brought a change of clothes. Opting out of being completely careless, I pulled my light purple jacket from my gym bag and placed it over my body. My gym outfit was colorful, but not too bad. Why do I even care? 
I checked the time that read, 8:03. My plane departed around two o’clock so I had my escape plan ready. Everything was packed back at the hotel but that was going to be my excuse. I plan on gettting out of here by nine o’clock, amen. Before I even arrived to the door, it swung open letting out an aroma of weed and alcohol. It’s about to be a long night.
“BITCHHHHHH! I missed you!” Mia yelled out, fake because we’ve been with each other for the entire weekend. I squealed and pushed her off of me quickly, denying that type of physical contact.
“Leigha!!!” And just like that the other three members of the fab five were embracing my body, kissing, grabbing and tugging all over me. Some touchy bitches they were. 
“We missed you so much!” Keiosha practically screamed in my ear while hugging me. 
“Okay get off me!” I said pushing them, knowing how I felt about intimacy.
“UGHH, you couldn’t find some better clothes?” Tori asked with a disgusted expression plastered across her gorgeous face. She wore a light blue, fitted, thin spaghetti strap dress with some strappy, nude heels, showcasing all of her womanly curves and kick ass body. Her thick hair was pulled up into a curly ponytail, leaving her shimmery shoulders on full display. A whole meal and I wanted a bite. My mouth watered ready to taste the rich chocolate and if she wasn’t such a bitch, I would have asked, even begged to have a piece.
“You couldn’t find a darker foundation shade?” Her makeup was fine but I wanted to match her tone. 
“Tuh, bitch, my makeup is beaT.” her arms found her chest. 
“Yea-” my mouth was ready to combat. 
“Alright, Leigha, everybody is here and they’re so excited to see you.” Mia took my hand and walked me through the foyer, up the stairs and down to the party room where the rest of the guest were. If it wasn’t for her, Tori and I would have stood there fighting for dominance with our words daring the other to make a move. The tension between us was sexual on my end but volatile on hers, which is not a good combination. She’s still mad I broke up the group. Mad because she can’t control me like she does the rest of these girls.
I greeted all of the guest individually, genuinely happy to see everyone. There were a couple of football players, dance members and ‘popular’ kids along with the boyfriends of the fab five spread out in the dim-lit room. I get sick to my stomach thinking about how much these people love to hang on to their high school glory days. That shit was three whole years ago, it’s time to grow up.
One thing I can give Tori is that, the devil knew how to throw bomb ass parties. The music was banging from the wall speakers and the decor complimented her home well. Rose gold accessories were spread out on the tables and floor with off white flowers creating that bougie feeling. It was a small party, to her standards, so there was no need for catering. She had a food table, with finger foods and a sweets table with cookies and brownies. To the far right of the room, there was a bar with pre-rolled blunts on a rose gold platters. I walked over to the bar and found a bottle of water. Making my way around the room, I stopped at the food table and viewed my options.
“Leigha, when are you going back home?” I was picking through the small selection of finger food when I heard Tori’s irritating voice over the soft talking and speakers. Of course everyone stopped when the queen began.
After filling my plate, I turned to her and stated bluntly, “At two AM.”
“So let me get this straight,” my legs worked their way to an empty chair, “You just got out here from California, today, after three years of no communication and now you’re leaving for California in a few hours?” Her hip swayed to the side and stayed, her hand meeting it. 
“No,” I placed the plate on the table and took a bite from my cucumber, “I came here Thursday and I’m leaving tomorrow, which is Tuesday, at two AM.” I plopped my fingers in my mouth and sucked them loud enough for her to turn up her nose at my rude table manners.
“See! This bitch is a whole ass bird.” I chuckled at her choice of words and dug into my tuna sandwich. The chatter picked up again and the four girls pulled up some chairs close to me.
“Lei, why didn’t you tell us you were here?” Keiosha spoke, the mediator of the five. Her hair was in a blunt cut and she wore a silk, red pants, two piece. Her and Tori had on the same shoes. Jade, a light skinned devil, sat next to her with her gorgeous body covered in a cute, orange romper. Mia was trying to contain her laugh while she stared at me with the other set of eyes.
“I didn’t want all of the attention on me. We all know how Tori gets when people aren’t talking about her all time.” Mia lost it.
“Cut the shit. You know exactly why you failed to inform us of your arrival, exactly why you failed to tell us about you going to UCLA. Ex-fucking-zackly why we had to get updates about your life for three fucking years from Mia. You're a coward. You and Mia are two selfish ass bitches who only think about yourselves.” Rolling her long neck, she placed her arms over her breasts pushing them up a bit
“If you don’t get the fu-“ My insult was cut short when the chatter in the room picked up, volume increasingly high. We all stood up in unison, ready to defend each other from a possible threat. 
Unfortunately it wasn’t a murderer or a thief, nope, it was much worse, Erik Stevens showed up. The way I left things off with Erik was nothing short of a disaster. He was in the dark like everyone else. Mia promised me that he didn't know about this party. She told me that she made everyone promise not to tell him about it. My stomach knotted and sweat built up on my already scorching skin. 
“Why is he here?” fear was laced in my tone.
“I invited him.” Tori announced pulling down her dress and making her way towards him. Jade and Keiosha followed like puppies, waiting for their owner’s command. Me and Mia sat down watching the pettiness exude from their perfect bodies. I wanted to get up and smack fire into them greasy bitches, but my memory of Tori’s power slapped me out of the thought. 
“I hate that bitch! She’s always starting some shit. I’m sick of her, man. How do you still hang out with her?” Mia touched my leg as it shook fiercely and looked down at her feet. Against all of my natural reflexes, I left her hand there and rubbed my thumb on her skin trying to ease mine and her nerves.
“They’re all I have, Leigha. You left me, remember?” My body couldn’t have turned quicker.
“That’s not fair. You could have came with me, you didn’t!” 
“Tuh, you’re the one who got that Gates Scholarship, Lei, not me! I couldn’t afford a move to Cali and I for damn sure wasn’t getting into UCLA.” Her arms found her chest and her body slouched in the chair. My lack of problem solving skills and empathy made me turn back around in my seat and glance at the wall, all thoughts of Erik’s presence pushed out my head, guilt replacing it. “I missed you, you know? You’re my best friend. The only person who knows everything about me. You ju-“
“You told me this before, Mia. I don’t want to hear this shit.” Standing up, I walked to the door that led to the balcony and slammed it shut behind me.
What did they expect from me? I don’t live my life for them. I’m tired of being the backbone. They need to learn to survive on their own, I’m doing it. Pressuring me to conform to them and cater to their needs is only going to push me away further. Mia will be alright. She don’t need me, man.
My thoughts were cut short when I heard the door open and shut behind me. “Mia, it’s my last night with you. I don’t feel like this, okay?” My legs turned so my eyes could fall on a creature that was the exact opposite of my soft best friend. With his dreads pulled back in two braids that ran to the back of his neck, his firm features were on full display. The gold in his mouth glistened on his pearl, white teeth as his dimples made an appearance. He looked simple with a plain white, fitted shirt, light washed jeans and white Nike’s.
“Do I look like Mia, lil nigga.”
“Fuck no. Mia’s not nearly as ugly.” I turned around to my original spot and placed my arms on the metal gate that circumferenced the balcony. Shortly, he stood next to me, his shoulder touching mine.
“Now you know I’m not ugly.” I felt his eyes burning the side of my face. Naturally, I turned to meet his gaze.
“You may not be ugly but you certainly not cute so what is it?” Gorgeous, an angel, crafted from the finest soil and molded by Jesus himself? Yes. 
He showed his grill again and put his hand on my hips pulling me into his chest. My nipple grazed his bumpy upper body and my vagina shuttered at the touch. Aren’t I supposed to be feeling some type of guilt or anxiety? Nope, I’m horny. The same feelings that ran through my bones three years ago resurfaced for this man and my previous nerves vanished at his touch. 
“I missed your smart ass.” Surprisingly, I welcomed his embrace and we stood there for a while, silent. It was nice to be held by a strong, confident human again. I haven’t felt this feeling in a while. Hugging was such an intimate thing for me, being an empath and all. Auras and spirits are absorbed through hugging so I try not to do it too often. Emotions were transferred from their body into mine and I felt some of his strength radiating through my blood while his arms pulled me closer. I wonder what emotions he took from me.
“You feel so good in my arms, lil nigga.” His softness surprised me, why isn't he yelling, making a scene? Something big twitched near my lower region and I knew that wasn’t his leg. I pushed him off of me, breaking the contact.
“Alright, that’s enough.” My arms found the rail again.
“You wasn’t trying to come to this party, huh?” Closing my eyes, I prepared to get dragged. At his lack of words, I opened them and found his eyes on me scanning my body. I looked down and remembered my work out attire.
Relieved, I chuckled lightly and did a slow spin while swaying my hips. “You not feeling it? Straight from the clearance rack at Academy.” I stopped and met his expression.
“Oh, I love it. The color contrast is what really speaks to me. A purple sweater, a pink sports bra and green shorts. Girl, what you trying to do, taste the rainbow?” I cackled. He always came prepared with the jokes.
“Anyways,” My legs moved to the lawn chairs displayed against the back of the house, he followed.
“Speaking of rainbows, you still with that gay shit? Mia told me about you dating girls and shit.” I’m killing the bitch. My sexuality wasn’t something that I brought up to just anyone, so I trusted her with that information. I didn’t even explore the thought until I got to California but that’s beside the point. Let’s get into this nigga trying to invalidate my entire existence.
“What you mean ‘still into that gay shit?’ As if it was some kind of phase or act of rebellion? And I’m not gay, I’m bi-or- I don’t know, but boy, you can get the hell on with your dismissive tone.”
He pulled a blunt out his pocket and lit the end with the tip in his mouth. “Mmhm.” He took a drag and then held it out for me to grab. I swatted it and shook my head ‘no’.
“You’re still a square, I see.”
“You’re still annoying, I see.” I layed my head back on the lawn chair and stretched my body across the seat, memories of us in high school playing in my head.
~
“What if we get caught, Erik?” We walked behind the math building, going to Erik’s infamous smoke spot. It’s where all the rebels like Erik and his bad ass friends went to do God knows what. They smoked over here, had sex, shot dice you name it. No matter what it was, it was trouble and I had a reputation and scholarship to keep, so did Erik.
“We not going to get caught, relax.” His hand was soft in mine, making me swoon at his touch. Whatever he asked me to do, I did. I don’t even know why, honestly. He’s my closest friend besides Mia, but my feelings weren’t as strong for her as they were for him. We finally stopped at a spot hidden by an old raggedy storage unit. He pulled out a neatly rolled blunt and lit the end with the tip in his mouth. Taking a drag, he inhaled and let out the smoke then placed it in my hand.
“I don’t know what to do.” I admitted with no shame. Erik never made me feel insecure, everything was peaceful with him. I experienced a lot of firsts with him, this moment being one of them.
“Just place it between your lips, suck and inhale slowly, then let the smoke out.” He explained, simply. I did what he said but, somehow didn't have the same outcome as him. Instead, I was a coughing mess, cuffing and squeezing my chest. That stuff burned. I guess it was a comedy show to him because he laughed loud ass hell shaking and clapping his hands.
“Nigga, that’s not funny. I could’ve died.” I placed the death stick back in his hand and watched him in disgust. “But, I’m happy you’re amused.”
“Here, do it again.” He moved it to my face and I rejected his offer shaking my head ‘no’.
“I’ve had enough, thank you.” He took another drag and repeated the same action.
“Come on, man. I don’t want to do it on my own.” He made puppy dog eyes and fluttered his long lashes. I refused to succumb to his blatant manipulation and peer pressure.
“I said no, big nigga! Now hurry up before we get caught.” He laughed and finished off the blunt.
“Square.”
~
I smiled softly recounting that iconic moment in my life. Erik noticed my expression and spoke up gently. “What you smiling at?”
“You and how much shit you dragged me in.” He laughed sitting back in the chair beside me.
“Yeah, but you let me. I did as much as you allowed.” There wasn’t a lie in sight.  If Erik asked me to jump, I didn’t even have to ask how high, I already knew. No matter what we did, I always knew that he had my back. I guess that’s why I followed him like a lost puppy, along with the attention he gave me that I so desperately needed.
“Yeah, I was stupid. But all that shit gone change when we turn forty, Craig.” Getting the reference, he laughed and placed his hand on mine squeezing lightly.
“You weren’t stupid, just in love.” Speechless, for the first time in my life, I was speechless because where is the lie? I couldn’t find it. Never have I ever been able to put how I felt about him into words and here he goes, with his all-knowing ass, telling me exactly how I felt about him. Telling me something that I would never admit out loud. 
“Nigga, didn’t nobody love your wack ass.” My hand moved trying to lose his grip. He pulled it back effortlessly.
“Don’t lie.” His tone was serious now and I felt the tension from his body enter mine. This is why I hated physical touch. “Because I, unapologetically, loved your ass.” He sat up in his chair swinging his legs to where he was in between our chairs, staring at my body. His eyes were fixed on my frame, dancing over it, admiring my figure.
“You like what you see?” I tried to change the subject.
“Love it.” There he goes with that word again. “Sit up.” I did exactly what he said, my knees meeting his. “You loved me?”
“No.” He placed his hands on my thighs and pulled my legs open.
“Don’t lie, Leigha.” My body was off the chair as he picked me up and placed me on his lap.
“Erik, if- if you already know then why- why you need me to say it?” Pleased with my undoing, his lips turned up into a sinister smirk.
“Because I want to hear you say it with your words.” He kissed my cheek gently and took a puff from his blunt that I was suprised wasn’t finished yet. Keeping the smoke in, his lips met mine as he released the smoke in my mouth. I took it in like he taught me and then blew it out the side of my mouth. His lips met mine again and I instantly submitted to their passionate touch. A moan escaped my mouth while his groin touched my moist center. My body hasn’t been touched this way in years, his touch being the last, and it’s enjoying all of the attention. “Say it.”
Without missing a beat I uttered the three words I dread saying, “I love you.” With that, he pulled me closer to his chest, syncing our bodies together. I threw my arms around his neck deepening the kiss. His strong hands moved to my shoulders sliding the jacket off of my arms. The jacket hit the ground while his soft lips met my salty neck sucking and biting the exposed skin. Whimpers left my mouth and filled the air. One would think that him and my neck had a vendetta the way he smacked and chewed on it. Rocking me back and forth on his hard shaft, his firm hands squeezed my ass. Instantly accepting the stimulation, my hips moved to his pace and soon we were dry humping on the lawn chair. I moaned and whimpered as soft as possible trying not to signal someone inside.
“Erik, please, we can’t. Not out here. T-there’s- our friends are inside.” I sat up trying to escape his movement but he puled me back down deepening the initial contact. We needed this.
“If you be quiet, they won’t hear us, baby.” I shook my head in agreement and continued moving my hips on his covered member. It was rock hard while it grazed my soaked folds over my thin layer of clothes. His lips met mine again, instantly placing his tongue between them. His tongue found every inch of space in my mouth, his lips sucking and sinking on mine. 
I broke the kiss, fed up with the teasing. “Erik, please fuck me.” He didn’t have to be asked twice. He stood me up, pulled down my shorts and placed me on his lap again in a matter of seconds. He sat up just enough to unbutton his pants and pull them down. Without hesitation, I settled down on the tip of his hard dick. His eyes met mine and my mouth opened wide. Trapping the moan I was about to let out, his lips crashed into mine. With his hands on my hips, he eased me down onto his long, thick shaft stretching every wall I had. My juices spilled all over his member, making it easier for me to slide down. I twitched and wiggled at the uncomfortable yet satisfying feeling.
“Mmmmmhhmm” I sat there for a while lips still on his adjusting to his length. He moaned into me and placed his hands on my ass. We stayed there for a minute before he got fed up.
“Move or get up!” Like the champ that I was, I pushed the uneasiness aside and moved my hips up and down his length. The man is a monster. His moan was deep and concentrated. After a while, comfort had me attacking his dick, moving to the rhythm of the muffled rap songs coming from inside. At that point, I didn't care if anyone heard us. I swayed on his dick, twerking and bouncing confidently trying to milk all of his love juice from his veiny friend. I wanted it in me. My body moved for him, trying to make up for the lost time and betrayal. My moans were sloppy like my riding, filling the dense air and encouraging my juices to spill all over his lap. My toes curled up and pressure built up in my stomach. He moaned into me neck as I reached my peak, cum shooting down his thighs. I shook at the orgasm that took over my entire body. 
Before I could come down from my high, he flipped us in the chair, positioning himself on top of me. He slammed into me like a mad man, digging for lost gold inside of my throbbing center. His thrusts were powerful and strong making my legs, that rested on his hips, allowing him to hit my special spot with each stroke, shake and quiver. 
“Say it, Leigha!” His lips found mine again. “Say it.”
“Daddy! Daddy!” I screamed unsure of what he wanted to hear. His lips traveled to my ear where he nibbled and sucked. Slowing down his strokes, his hands snaked around my body pulling me closer. 
“No, not that, baby. Tell me you love me.”
“I love you, Erik.” He put his forehead on mine and a tear, that wasn't mine, met my cheek.
“Then why’d you leave me, huh?” His pace picked up and now he was attacking my slit. I felt myself getting wetter with each thrust, my orgasm coming on strong. More tears fell from his eyes and I moved to wipe them but he took my hand and pinned them above my head. “Why the fuck you left me, huh?”
“Erik, please? I-I don- OHHH!” My body shook under his fiercely, orgasm taking over. His strokes were sloppy as his warm seed traveled in my hole coating all of me. Still inside of me, he put his weight on me slowing his breaths, trying to gain his composure. My body twitched under him, wanting more. Going against my hunger, my hands moved to touch his back, rubbing up and down trying to help him with his recovery process.
A few minutes passed and he pulled out of me, pulling up and zippening his pants. I layed there, breathless, as he wiped me with my jacket and pulled me up helping me put on my shorts.
“Answer me.” He held me in his arms taking in my scent. “Why did you leave me?”
“Erik, I didn’t just leave you. I left everyone. I wanted to start a new life, I guess.” I closed my eyes and squeezed him gently, his sadness filling my bones.
“You didn’t think twice. We had plans and you just up and left without informing me,” he pushed me off of him gently. “ Do you know how fucking sad I was? My best friend, my girl, my fucking wife left me. That was selfish as fuck Leigha! You hurt all of us. We fucking needed you. I needed you. I love you!” Tears left me violently. I hated how they tried to villainize my decision of bettering my life. Why did they all try to control me? We don’t have to be stuck up each other’s ass our whole life. They can live without me.
“And I know what you’re thinking. No, we can’t fucking live without you. Tori was being a bitch, causing Kei to relapse. Jade went back to that abusive ass nigga that she won’t let me kill and Mia is just a sad, depressed, suicide case. Do you know how many hospital visits I had to make? The therapists, counselors. Nothing is working. You left us! We need you!” Quickly, my sadness turned into anger.
“How fucking dare you blame y’all fucked up life on me? Where the fuck were y’all when I needed help? Where were y’all when I was dealing with my crazy ass parents? Why the fuck am I always held accountable for y’all’s mistakes and life choices? I can’t cure depression or an eating disorder! Tori has always been a bitch and y’all know that! Y’all chose to stay here. Y’all could leave but y’all don’t!” The words left my mouth quicker than a freight train. I was not about to accept his abuse. None of that that was happening to them was my fault. We stood there for awhile staring and crying roughly. He tried to hold me but I rejected the contact. When he said nothing, I stormed through the door and grabbed my phone and keys.
“Leigha where were you?” Mia’s clingy ass asked. She saw my face and instantly softened her tone, “What happened? What’s wrong?”
“Fuck you, Mia!” That wasn’t the words that I wanted to say but that’s what came out. I was a mess.
“Bitch, what’s wrong with your dramatic ass?” Although the words were harsh, Tori was genuinely concerned as she ran after me with the other women while I ran to my car. I unlocked the car, opened the door and plopped down in my seat. Putting my key in the ignition I locked my doors, put the car in reverse and backed out. The women screamed words and beat on my car window begging me to stay and talk to them. I looked at the clock that read, 9:45. A few more hours and I would finally be back home. This place fucking sucks.
The ride back to the hotel was annoying and so was the ride to the airport. Surprisingly, Mia didn't show up, with the rest of them, at my hotel. I wanted to sleep away the emotions that Erik forced out of me, but I couldn't. Instead, I laid on the bed crying, for hours, begging the universe to take away the pain. I hated that he brought all of that up. He had no right to make me feel bad about their problems. I wasn't this kind of savior that they made me out to be. They needed professional help, all of them and I was just as fucked up as they were. 
They all text me like crazy people. Between the five of them, I had over one hundred notifications: missed Facetime calls, audio calls, messages and even snapchats. These hoes were relentless. 
One missed message stood out the most to me. It was a message from Tori, the wicked witch of the West:
-If you leave here without saying goodbye, make it a priority to not come back.
The words sat heavy on my chest. The audacity of her to think that I was going to come back, anyway.  
Bound II 
tags: @eriknutinthispoosy @theunsweetenedtruth @yourstrulyylauren @yoyolovesbucky 
I wanted to keep going but 6k words was enough henny. Idk? lol but please give me some feedback and tell me what I need to work harder at. 
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flameontheotherside · 5 years
Text
A Level Of Normalcy And Dropping People
So I'm trying now to distance myself a little bit from this experience because I miss the kind of "normal" I used to have. Like not having the ability to talk to or feel spirits especially Erik. I just kind of miss not thinking about spirit work all day and just want to dedicate only some time for it.
Of course I'm still doing free and paid readings. I use the weekend to answer free questions now and still do paid readings as they come.
I feel only Erik hanging around in my head through the day even when I don't need his presence 😑. When he's around all the time I can't concentrate on work and everyday shit. It's weird coming from me right now but it's season so work will be picking up speed.
So reluctantly 😖 I had to ask Erik to limit his presence to when I actually call for him. 😕
It's inevitable that it has to be done. It's just feeling him around also reminds me of when I felt him most through 4 years of his dead. Those were really bad years. As stuff settled in 2012 and up until 2016, I didn't feel him because those were good years compared to before. Now as I'm experiencing the same shit to a somewhat larger degree escalating from 2016 to present.
Despite how shitty things seem to be going, I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground by wanting a level of normalcy. Meeeeeehhhhhh... 😭 I'll never completely get my normal self back and it's totally okay. Just for the time being I need Erik to back off a bit and he will.
Something tells me this right here is another test... And I passed?
Yeah I've been thrown tests a lot more frequently as of late. Which is good because it's helping me be a better person but damn. If you know what I mean, you get how these tests can hurt, open doors, free you and shit. I don't look at these hurtled as punishment by God anymore. God literally doesn't give me what I can't handle. So far I'm doing pretty well, a few hiccups but it's good.
I've rummaged or I guess pillaged my Facebook friend list by setting that only "close friends" or people I like can see my shit. Which is like less than 20 I think? I feel good about it. Friends come and go and I do believe in family and blood relations come first. At least for me. I've forgiven them for past hurts and would do anything to bring us together again as a family. My family I think is honest. They tell me like it is. Like it or not, it's something I need to hear. Not what I want. Friends don't want to look like assholes so they lie/white lie. Most friends will do that. It's fake. Real friends keep it real. Had to learn that recently.
I need more positive people who actually lead that lifestyle with their life together and shit.
Not like just talking shit-fuck about it. Actually live it and able to help others. Having people around me like that help me move forward. I don't want to hear about drama from them. Sure there's always going to be some but uhhhh no one really likes to hear about some fight you had or what friend hurt you. It's not being mean! Its negativity and it rubs off on you. I want to eventually feel at peace with the shit I've been dragged through big and small. I realize some people may not like to read this and it's okay, I'm not mad. Time to move on and in to a higher frequency. Sometimes we change and grow apart. It's part of life if I don't accept it, how is it going to serve me well?
I even quit the band! 😖😫😭
😘💞💕❤️ I love yall!
(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ*:・゚✧Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elisa Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and shit. channelingerik.com … And YouTube
There is a new Twin Flame in spirit support forum: Spirit Spouse Support Group check it out!
Get your first Twin Flame/Mediumship reading free and take a look at affordable detailed readings here! (◕‿◕)♡
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