#nothing in my life comes out the way i'd like to

[ddoxhan]

stay by my side

if there is no one next to you I’ll just be behind you, just stay by my side

word count : 0.9k words

genre : classic angst; giselle x gn! reader; days were never the same anymore but your feelings for aeri will always be unchanging for as long time exists

t/w : nothing :) this is just some good ol' angst

a/n : not much plot to it but ! it's the feels of not being able to forget someone and maybe, you're better off longing for them than try pressing down your feelings. anyone out there longing for their special someone, I just wanna say it's okay to feel that way :3 it may not be the healthiest choice, but allow yourself to long for that person until you feel it's time to actually let them go <3 enjoy !

things were just never the same anymore, it couldn't. I'd keep having dreams about you, about us. those sweet, spring memories we shared now embedded in my head like a broken record. those days when we spent our mornings showering each other with kisses, when we would take night walks in the park, when we talked about spending the rest of our lives together. those days, when we loved each other like there was no tomorrow. we did, but it just didn't last forever just like what we had wished under that shooting star.

I admit, that I still love you, the same or maybe even more than I did back then. I truly believed that we were meant to be, and no one can tell me otherwise as I've seen those eyes of yours bear the same endearment for me as I do for you. it sounds cheesy, but I am willing to be if it's you. however, as much as I want to let go of you, I don't think I'd ever come to terms with the fact that you did. we were so beautiful, don't you think so? it was as if the world revolved around us. I know we will never be able to go back to those days, to love each other again.

every night that came and went in the same repertoire. staring straight at the ceiling, reminiscing the times I still had you in my arms, crying myself to sleep, jolting awake from the same nightmare, hugging myself back to sleep. the pain was almost unbearable when it gets to the nightmare. it was my regrets for not doing my best for you, and the mistakes that I wished I hadn't made. I could never stand to see tears in your eyes, especially if it was because of me. on the day you left, you looked me in the eye, with tears threatening to roll down your crimson cheeks. that moment broke my heart to pieces, noticing the burning sensation of the wind against my skin.

it seems I have already lost you, with no chance to turn back time.

when I'm sober, everything I did numbed me to the core. when I wake up to your side of the bed empty, seeing that the once lively space all dull with silence, the fridge slowly emptying, leaving nothing but water and some alcohol. it's like I stopped functioning properly when you're not with me. the flowers that you loved so much don't look as lively, the warm breeze that greeted us daily slowly getting chilly, the stars that we spent hours looking at don't sparkle as much. you brought so much color to my world, and it returned back to being monochromatic, like those times before I met you.

you brought so much joy to my life, and I have never felt so grateful for being alive. it was the first time I felt so euphoric, fortunate to see that very smile of yours when you look at me with such affection. that smile was for me, because of me, only me. you made me feel like the luckiest person on earth to love someone as wonderful as you are. I can only hope you felt the same way as I did.

all the things in my life took a turn, not a good one at that, after you left. you took a part of me with you when you told me that things weren't working out. what did that mean? was I not doing good enough? did your feelings for me change? there were so many questions I want to ask, but sometimes, they were better left unanswered. these daggers piercing through my heart are more than enough to leave me bleeding profusely till I can't feel love anymore.

as I spent each day, yearning for your warmth and affection, there's something that I've come to realize as I take a step back to look at things. there will be no one else who would be able to fill your spot, not even with time. it's been months, almost a year that I've been standing here, not knowing what is wrong with me. that's because, nothing is wrong. everything made so much sense.

I love you and nothing can ever change that fact. even if you don't love me anymore, that's okay. all I will do is just stand here right behind you, protecting you from the shadows. although there might not be someone who would be by your side all the time, I will be right here behind you. until the day I get the chance to stand next to you, be the one you can rely on, I will be here for you.

there will be a day where we meet again, whether it be by chance or fate. and when that day comes, I want to be stronger than I am now, to give you that smile you loved so much when we were us. until then, I will take this role as your dark knight. looking over you from somewhere you wouldn't notice, offering you a hand when you struggle, finding solace right here. I know you would be able to tell that I am here, but please, leave me be. for the day I am able to let you go, will hopefully come.

so let me stay by your side for now, aeri.

#giselle #uchinaga aeri #aespa #aespa angst #aespa imagines #aespa scenarios #aespa x reader #giselle x reader #Spotify

[nihilnovisubsole]

Because of your latest post: not sure if you’ve answered this before, but how does someone even entertain the idea of writing for the game dev industry? Did you start out on indie games or just write before and show them your work? Since it’s such a subjective field etc

if i have, it bears repeating! here's a rough timeline of what i did. never discount the value of luck and the kindness of friends

2016: i was doing a random freelance transcription job when i saw @theivorytowercrumbles post about writing for voltage. they reblogged the studio's open casting call for new writers. since it was so lenient - no experience, fanfic samples allowed - i applied. they hired me for their new project, but let me go after a trial period, citing that the tone of my writing was a bad fit for that game. i foundered for a while after that. i don't take rejection well. i started dangerous crowns to try to make money from writing some other way.

2017: one of voltage's producers reached out to me and said they'd started another project that i was a good fit for. she felt letting me go was a mistake and wanted to snap me back up. i said yes, i mean, are you kidding? so i started on reiner's route.

2018-2019: i kept at it. i took on diego's route. it occurred to me that i wasn't making very much money, but i liked my coworkers, and i was building my portfolio, so who cared? i also finished dangerous crowns, and a handful of people bought it, but certainly not enough to support myself or anything.

early 2020: between the pay and creative differences with voltage's team, it started to sink in that i needed to find other work. i applied to the few open game writer jobs i could find, but with only mobile romance in my portfolio, i got nowhere. i threw in dangerous crowns samples. i tried to network on twitter. i still never made it to the interview phase. i foundered for a while again.

late 2020: the voltage writers went on strike. i gave a statement to a journalist that one of obsidian's narrative designers noticed. we became acquaintances over it. another old friend of mine threw me a life raft in the form of a different contract, better paying, on a non-romance indie game. i took it gladly. i added a twine game to my portfolio, too. i kept applying. i got a few interviews, but something still didn't click.

2021: i finally accepted that i needed formal help. i did a portfolio workshop. i got resume coaching. the coach passed my name to a writer on the company of heroes team. they liked me! they also paid me more money than i'd ever seen in my life. at the same time, obsidian advertised a narrative job opening. i applied on a lark and let my ND pal know i was doing so. why not, right? college-new-vegas-fan me would want me to. they rejected me, but not before i passed their writing test and two interviews. i had nothing to lose at that point, so i told my ND pal that i was bummed. she gave me a golden piece of advice: "you came really close. try again."

2022: obsidian had another narrative opening. i threw myself at it. i was now going to annoy them into hiring me. since i was a known quantity from applying six months before, they had no qualms about interviewing me again. this time, it worked out, and i've been there ever since.

what's the common denominator here? i met people who thought i was all right and gave me a hand up when i needed it. the standard advice is to work with a community of your peers instead of trying to get your heroes to senpai-notice you. it's not that they don't care - they just have their own thing going on, and your peers could be the heroes of tomorrow if the right project comes along. i also found the portfolio was the end-all-be-all when it came to job hunting. i went through a grieving process with that! i'm not afraid to admit it. i wish studios had held my degree or dangerous crowns in higher regard, but i just had to make games in a wider variety of genres, and that was that.

one caveat: narrative is a really saturated field right now. a lot of people want to write, and there aren't many openings. it's not uncommon for big studios to get hundreds of applicants. larian probably got over a thousand for the job they posted recently. i feel awful saying that, because i don't want to discourage you, but i'd feel worse if i didn't let you know what you were getting into. if it's something you want, you should try! keep an open mind about the random projects you may find. you never know where they'll take you.

#asks #anon #workjob

[mcflymemes]

NOCTURNAL ANIMALS (2016) PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

please don't say that. i don't want to be like my mother.

do you ever feel like your life has turned into something that you never intended?

that's a deal breaker for me.

we might be perfect for each other if we didn't live in the real world.

why do you always think the worst of me?

you're wrong. you and i are nothing alike.

i see we're settling for less now!

a package arrived for you. i found it in the mailbox this morning.

i'm sorry, but could you help me open this? i just cut my finger. paper cut.

in the end, you left me with the inspiration that i needed to write from the heart.

where were you last night?

by the time i left the office, i was late for my dinner.

it would have taken you fifteen minutes. fifteen minutes, and it would have meant a lot to me.

you didn't come to bed last night.

i didn't want to wake you up.

that doesn't sound like you.

are things a little better?

i'm surprised. i thought we were hiding it pretty well.

[name], i'm worried about you.

seriously, look at me. you scared me the last time that we talked.

i'm fine. i just can't believe i told you all of those things. i feel embarrassed about it.

what right do i have to not be happy? i have everything. i feel ungrateful not to be happy.

i think we just want different things. or maybe i want different things.

we get into things when we're young because we think they mean something.

do we really have to stop tonight? i'd rather just get there.

don't look at them. don't give them any reason.

sit still. they've probably got a gun.

don't get out of the car.

you're not supposed to leave the scene of an accident. it's a crime.

don't come any closer.

i'm a gemini, my favorite color is petal pink, and i like long walks and kittens.

you know what, we should call the police.

you got no fucking right to talk to me like that!

you'll get killed if you don't watch it.

may i use your phone?

could you see them in the dark?

i just wanted to hear your voice. i miss you.

you sound weird. are you okay?

you look beautiful as always.

would you like to have dinner?

you know, you were my first crush.

what a weird thing to say.

i'm sorry. i hope that doesn't offend you.

this is a ridiculous conversation. you're too young to get married.

oh my god, did you just say that? you really just said that? that came out of your mouth?

it's like the whole thing is a blur.

now listen. i've got to be honest with you. right now it's not looking good.

if i write it down, then it will last forever.

you know my name. i told you.

you didn't sleep again, did you?

who the hell are you? get off my property!

you'll take this the wrong way, but i think that you need to stop writing about yourself.

please don't start that again. it makes me feel like you don't believe in me.

you always get so fucking defensive about it.

i really wanted to be this person that you thought i was. i really did, but i'm just not that person.

you're wonderful and romantic, and sweet and sensitive, and all the things i'm not. life for you is kind of a dream.

weak. i'm weak. that's what you want to say. go ahead and say it. you've said it before. weak.

i'll live to regret this. i regret it now.

i got a certain pride in how people talk to me, and there are certain things i don't put up with.

nobody gets away with what you did.

may i get you a drink while you wait?

#mcflymemes #rp meme #rp memes #rp prompt #roleplay prompt #roleplay memes #rp starters #ask meme #ask memes #roleplay meme #roleplay inbox prompts #inbox prompt #rp inbox meme #inbox meme #sentence starter prompt #sentence starter #sentence starters #nocturnal animals

[hazbinfallinginaspiral]

I asked for the begging one short after you had Vox mention he would with Retro. You know after the chains turning on Retro... I'm gonna ask for that one short too if you feel like writing it.

All Chained Up (Retro!reader x Vox)

CW: NSFW, smut, kinks, BDSM (bondage, degradation, sadism, masochism, if you didn’t know I don’t think you should be here) and this might be OOC? Haven’t decided. Oh, there’s also begging and chains. Good luck!

“Mnh..” I tried my best not to say anything, but I was failing. My ears were pressed against my head as he tugged on the chain, teasing me.

“Come on, be nice and quiet for just a moment and you’ll get a nice little reward,” Vox said with a grin. He tugged on the chain again, and I failed, whimpering again. “Hey, darling?” He asked, tilting my head slightly to the side.

“Yes, my love?” I looked up at him with pleading eyes, my entire being focused on him.

“Do you like being chained up for me?” He asked with a grin. He leaned forward a little and tugged on it gently.

"Oh god yes, my love. It makes me feel so... wanted and needed. It's a reminder that I belong to you." I squirmed slightly in his lap, my pussy throbbing at the thought of being his completely.

“Mm..” he said with a satisfied nod. He gave me little scratches behind my ears, as if I were an actual bunny. “And you like being mine?”

"I don't just like it, darling, I love it. I need it. I crave your attention, your touch, your love. You fill a void in my heart. You make me feel complete."

“That’s quite the statement to be making,” he said with a chuckle. He tugged on my chain harshly, hurting me a little. I let out a small whine. “Can you prove it to me? Tell me how worthless you are without me.”

"I'd be lost... Worthless and empty. Without you, I'm nothing but a broken housewife, useless and desperate for your love." My voice cracked slightly, my vulnerability and devotion on full display.

“Go on,” he said.

"I'd spend my days crying out your name, begging for just one glimpse of you or the slightest touch from you. My heart would ache knowing that I'd pushed away the only person who ever cared about me."

“Hm..” he laughed softly and placed his hand under my chin, making me look up at him. “You’re so cute when you’re all vulnerable and insecure. You like being like this, don’t you?”

"Yes, my love. I crave it. I want you to see how much I need you, how much I love you." I leaned in closer, my lips brushing against his in a soft kiss.

“You need me?” He asked. He pulled away and kept me just a little bit away from him, enough so I could touch if I tried. But I knew better than to do so without his permission. I wanted more already. “How about you beg for it then? the least you could do is tell me exactly how much you need me, don’t you think?”

My eyes pled with him, my body trembling with need. He was usually the one that did the begging, but god… I gazed up at him, willing him to understand how much I truly meant those words. "Please... I need you more than anything or anyone. My life has no meaning without you.”

“Be a good bunny, then,” he said softly. He gave me a devilish grin and pulled on my chain tight, harsh, yanking me towards him. He knew I loved feeeling so hopeless for him.

I let out a moan of pleasure, my pussy already throbbing in anticipation of what was to come. I loved feeling like this, so vulnerable yet so desired. I leaned into the pull my body willingly following yours. "Anything for you.”

“I want you to moan, I want you to squirm. I want you to react in every way you can when I pull on this pretty little leash,” he said, with a small smile. He tugged on the electric blue chains gently. “Only then will you be allowed to have me.”

I let out a soft whimper, my eyes watering as I struggled against the chain that was now choking me slightly. Slowly, I began to squirm and moan softly, arching my back towards him in an attempt to please him.

“Be a good bunny for me,” he murmured. He pulled on it harshly, forcing me forward, then pushing me away. He pulled me closer with the chain, just to let me fall away immediately after, creating a sort of rythmic motion that shook my body.

“Mmn..” My body responded eagerly to his teasing, my heart racing as I felt the mixture of pleasure and pain in my chest. Each pull sent waves of joy through my body, but the harsh rejection that followed left me craving more. "Oh, fuck...”

“That’s right,” he said with a grin. He gave me a small kiss, a small reward to leave me wanting more. “Are you nice and tight yet? are you wet for me, sweetheart?”

My breath hitched as his lips brushed against mine, the slightest touch sending jolts of pleasure and electricity through me. I nodded eagerly. "Yes! Yes. I'm ready for you. Please...”

Bonus!

“Good,” he said. He smiled and tugged on the chain again, then gave it to me. “I want you to tease yourself. Pull on your chain and make yourself feel that nice pleasure, and I want you to feel even better knowing I’m watching. touch yourself if you must. Show me how much you love being mine.”

With trembling hands, I grasped the chain and pulled gently, feeling the familiar sensation of pleasure wash over me. My pussy throbbed in my pants as I continued to pull, my breath coming in short gasps. "Oh God...”

#hazbin hotel #vox #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin vox #writing #vox x reader #my writing #x reader

[simonghostrileys]

.

#liliana talks #the thoughts to simply off myself are really strong tonight #nothing in my life comes out the way i'd like to #not even my dog's behaviour #i can't even take him on walks bc after five mins he gets overwhelmed and really anxious and nervous and it's driving me crazy #i can't get him to focus on my and he just pulls and pulls and wants to run off #i can't enjoy walks and i can't take him anywhere #today's walk got super frustrating and everyone kept asking me if they could pet him and told everyone no #i even snapped at this little girl bc i just reached my limit and had too much #i know it was wrong of me and i wish i could apologize to this little girl bc i just feel so bad rn #on top of that i'm gonna turn 28 soon and i haven't accomplished anything in my life #i'm a fucking failure. i can never accomplish shit and whenever i rarely get anything i dreamed of it comes out fucked up like my dog #i hate everything and i hate my life and myself and i have no luck at anything whatsoever #like what was the fucking point on bringing me to this world?? so i could have a miserable life?? to never accomplish anything?? #to lack on all aspects of myself and my life?? see everyone around me get things and never have difficulties on anything??? #not even on their dogs' behaviour?? see how they can take them everywhere and not get overwhelmed?? while mine is a fucking mess?? #i don't even have money to buy him a fucking toy!!! how fucking miserable is that??? #my sister had to give me money to buy him a harness bc i have shit for money #i've been trying for how long god knows to get a job in this place and plot twist... i haven't got any #i just want to die it would be way easier but i'm a fucking coward to even do that. i'm so fucking pathetic jfc #suicide mention tw

[moregraceful]

i was gonna watch the vgk-dal game to bandwagon the stars but then i realized that if i have to see hertl in that jersey even once it's literally my last day, and also mike grier's last day, on planet earth, so.

#KELLY MCCRIMMON I HOPE THE CEILING FAN FALLS ON U #pulling a dq and telling people to just throw me off a bridge honestly #i usually try to have a value-neutral position on teams idc abt but the hertl trade made me blacklist every possible variation of the #team's name and lb and every associated tag so. sorry. lol coming out of my cage and i'm not doing fine #i wrote robo/nick s instead #2.3k and nothing happens in it #they literally go drink boba and yearn for manju but the manju shop is closed #also have been given some valuable feedback. there are cities in which people recognize hockey players in the wild?? that happens in #quebec??? god imagine seeing and recognizing nick suzuki in the grocery store i would just leave #imagine seeing a shark in the grocery store i would not even notice i'd just be like get out of my way you're blocking the kombucha #so i have to do some rewriting anyway bc a chunk of the fic is like has nick suzuki ever been recognized in his life. answer: yes!!! #i assume robo is not being recognized by non-hockey fans anyway lol dallas has american football baseball and basketball #the city got other concerns #i always laugh when canadians are like isn't hockey one of your big four sports 🤨 #i'm like. tiers of american sports: 1: college basketball and college football. 2: football basketball and baseball. 2.5: hockey #u could put connor mcdavid in a grocery store and people would be like get this guy's ass out of the fruit section he's killing the vibe #i spent 20 hours at church over the weekend guys and i refused to read or answer a single email from anyone associated with church #all day bc i was like i need a break from you people. but people started texting me instead i was like .... #didn't read or answer those either lol #i was gonna refill a queue tonight but a i just spent 45 minutes on these tags b i saw a picture of trea turner that got me in my 🥺 #c was writing a touching tribute to manju and hot guys of which there are none in san jose (hot guys. there's plenty of manju #in san jose) #and now i am like. am i crazed enough to have an opinion on 150 posts in one hour?? #let's find out lmao #fresno oilers.txt

[kyuala]

SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything

#this aint exactly s******* but it aint exactly not s******* either #anyways it gets even harder when i have to live under the same roof as my brother who is so much better than me in every single conceivable #and imaginable way possible like #and i knowwww a LOT of it comes down to us having relatively similar yet wildly different lives despite being 1.5y apart and having the sam #family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life #he's a man im a woman. he's white im black. he's straight im gay. he's skinny ive always been 'overweight'. he's always been the good #christian kid ive always had issues w faith and religion. he's never been mentally ill i was clinically depressed for nearly 8yrs of my lif #we both lost the same parent and im the only one who got pathological grief and a personality disorder out of it. he's had a great job for #the last 7yrs that now pays him 20k+ every month ive only had 3 odd jobs my entire life and 2 of those my MOTHER had to give me so i would #have SOMETHING and ive never made over 1.6k monthly n my last job was minimum wage only #he's had like 4 relationships and is nearly engaged im so traumatized + emotionally unavailable ive only ever been on 1 date my entire life #he has a good relationship w every family member we have i have Issues w like half the family. he's always been an active member of our #church i can barely listen to like 4 traditional hymns before i start losing my mind and spiraling. i think the only two ways we're pretty #much equal like socially is that we're both able bodied cis and christians but still the cis and christian thing is debatable for previousl #stated reasons so like. do yall see how much better he is doing than me in every little last area in life and how he's always gotten the #long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an #he could not be doing all that well first of all shut up. second of all if it was 1 or 2 things i'd get it but it's literally EVERYTHING #and i know bc of said things n our v different lives it's unfair to me to compare the two of us but then it begs the question: WHY #WHY did i have to go through these things. WHY do i have to deal w this. WHY did i get the short straw literally every goddamn time #WHY did i have to get THIS life like WHYYYYY why ME GOD. why have I had to put up w all this bullshit for 24 fucking years!!!!!!!!! im TIRE #and this is not me hating or resenting him i know it's not his fault and he is so good to me #but still. why was i left with these things? to live like this? #so yes i guess i do envy him a little bit. who wouldn't #mari.txt #personal #tw negative #dl #btw i do NOT mean some identities are better than others. i mean he is better and is doing better than me in life partially bc he's never #had to deal w certain social issues and obstacles that come w oppressed identities.

[the-golden-ghost]

I started 2023 thinking it was going to be My Year and then it utterly sucked ass for the entire thing and I got nothing accomplished that I wanted to.

In spite of that I still feel kind of hopeful for 2024?

#like when I say I accomplished nothing I really do mean NOTHING #I wasted the entire year and the only thing I did was relapse into bad habits #I think partly I set my goals too high but also I just... fucked up a lot #I was sort of like 'I'm going to be perfect and turn my life around now!' and then immediately Didn't and burnt out #this year I'm going to set my goals WAY lower #and accept that I'm going to fuck up like. a lot #cause that was part of it this year; I'd fuck up constantly and then would spiral cause I thought of myself as too old to be doing this #and then I'd be Avoidant for like another 3 months and then before I knew it the year was over #so next year's resolution is to Not Do That #and also just Explore more instead of hiding and avoiding cause I'm scared to either mess up or not be able to handle whatever comes

[andthebeanstalk]

Watching the Junji Ito Maniac episode "Mold", and as far as I can tell so far, it looks like it's based on the visceral terror of real life black mold taking over your house until you can afford to fix it or move

and frankly literally nothing else scary needs to happen this is the scariest story he's ever written

#if there is an episode about this show just based on the concept of bed bugs and literally nothing supernatural occurs #it will hands down be the scariest episode of television I've ever seen. #I'd rather find literally anything else in my bed then real life bed bugs again. I was going to say I would rather find a monster in my bed #but as a monsterfucker I feel like this goes without saying #I'd rather find the thing from John Carpenter's The Thing in my bed than normal bed bugs #junji ito #junji ito maniac #original #and from what I've heard about black mold it's not only a serious biohazard but extremely difficult to get out of a house #I paused to write this because I got spooked by the concept of mold - literally nothing has happened yet except for a guy going 'gross!!' #but it is one of those rare nights where staying up later than usual is not in my worst interest #I have a silly show set up to watch after this like a spookiness rip cord #friends if you ever come home to your house and it's covered in unidentifiable mold you need to get out of there until it's checked out #ESPECIALLY if the family you leased it to was drawn by junji Ito #listen I know it's a metaphor for the human mind probably but holy crap dude you got to move #well the good news is the mold was probably just a baby #like a horrific physical manifestation of a baby clinging to every surface of the house and devouring everything in it #no joke that is way less scary than the concept of actual black mold XD I was like oh thank fuck it's magic #oh fuck yeah now it's Library demon time #oh how the memories of the past do haunt us eh buddies? #Jesus fucking Christ does this guy know how to draw a scary scary scary face #oh how I would have hated him as a child #oh how I long to possess his strange and horrible powers of art now

[unproduciblesmackdown]

now my logical followup is rewatching rogue one for the first time since seeing it (multiple times) in theaters i believe? Will i cry a lot, which i am always prone to do w/media & things but all the more so lately, it seems

#and having a whole [at least one season's arc of prequel for Best Character] will surely just make it a more regular experience #also was thinking hm i'd like to rewatch especially those episodes of the Visible [lgbtq TV history] eps that akd narrated then was ft in.. #eps three and five respectively i believe (the one in between like Eh) but both did already make me cry lol. how'll that go now #not like a difference in reaction like ''wow that's sad / moving'' i'm just more proximate to reacting to that in turn by tearing up fr lol #always something when like. the very specific Stressed Abt Life i actually cry over directly is just like #being stressed Enough but then also having to try to Talk. only lately do i realize that being autistic may have always been relevant thus. #& i don't think it's like A Bad Thing either b/c crying is bad (hooray for crying) or i think it's bad it comes all the more readily to me. #even if it's still like [augh. media] or [i'm burnt out / overwhelmed / bit of a meltdown feature as it were] Particulars for me lol #think the last ''i'm crying b/c i'm just like sad kinda encompassingly'' instance was like. once in 2017? & god knows when prior to that. #anyways i've had nothing going on on paper that'd be ''impressive'' but i've done nothing but Become More Powerful in past years. #and in a good way lol. all the less of any hurdles or whatall in going ''oh that's sad :'('' abt what i would already find sad. & i'm yknow #elevated & vivacious with it oft lol. like my other [crying scenario] is a lil burst of teariness b/c i got riled in a Good excited way lol #my power strength confidence stats are up so like hell yeah i'm weeping over media where i'm sad all the more easily lol #plus me and everyone else eh #unless you don't really. in which case hell yeah to that too #rogue one

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

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#why does my mother have to be so terribly difficult? the divorce affected her too ofc (it was her idea and her divorce. not mine.) #but she acts like i'm personally attacking her every time i even so much as mention my home state or talk about my dad #in a positive manner for too long. like? she acts like i'm okay with everything that turned out and that i'd just get used to all the #changes and immediately disregard my life before. when that is not the case at all. #nobody's a mind reader but just because i'm not saying anything doesn't mean i don't have feelings about it. it's on her for #expecting something of me she didn't even care to ask how i really feel about it. #she talks a lot about how harmful assumptions about others are but then turns around and assumes i'm peachy keen because i'm not #actively protesting. she takes everything i say and do personally. it's note even fucking funny. #and she says i'm sensitive. i've been a fucking champ about it for the most part bc she's a #pussy ass cheating lying skank who thinks she can gaslight and manipulate me into submitting to her. #i can't believe she fucking gets mad at me for wanting to cook my own separate meal but also expects me to want to know how to drive and #have my whole next 5 to 10 years all planned out. and heaven forbid i move out or even want to live with my dad (/s) #she says i'm so smart and above everyone else my age intellectually but then she treats me like a child!! she regularly insults my #emotional intelligence. i guess because i had to teach myself all that nitty-gritty that she doesn't know better. maybe. but it could be #presumed that when she says i'm soooo smart she's including my emotional maturity. she literally says i'm Smarter Than Her (!!!!) and #and i'll 'do amazing things' but also expects me to want to live with her until i'm thirty!!! #there's nothing wrong with living with your parents but there's no way in hell i'm staying any longer than i have to living with her. #if push comes to shove i have a couple friends i can go live with closer to home. #i literally fucking hate it here. help me. #personal #don't rb ig lol #parents tw #divorce tw #emotional abuse tw #/vent

[teaboot]

On of the less intuitive things about love, I've found, of any kind, is the importance of needing things.

I didn't realize it until recently, but I've always seen love as something requiring sacrifice, selflessness, patience, and generosity- to ask for nothing is to be the best person I can be, small and quiet and never in the way, always happy and helpful, self-sufficient and present when desired.

It's only as an adult, now, that I'm beginning to see the selfishness of wanting nothing.

I cut my friend's hair in my kitchen the other day. They wanted a trim and I had the skills, so I offered, and was genuinely excited when they stopped hesitating over "bothering me" and took me up on it. It was a peaceful afternoon, and we had tea and chatted for an hour or more.

My brother and I shared popcorn at the movies a while ago. When I came time to pay, I pulled my card out like a wild western sheriff and slapped it on the machine before he could fight me for it first. The satisfaction was delightful.

Someone called me crying on the phone the other day. Kept apologizing for disturbing me at work, talking about how they were bothering me on my lunch break. I was telling the truth when I told them that really, I was flattered and honored and relieved, knowing that if they were hurting I would know, that I didn't have to worry in silence. It felt good to hear them slowly come down, and to know that they knew it would be better soon, and to hear them laugh wetly on the other end. We're getting together for a visit next week.

It's hard to need things, if you've trained yourself not to. It's hard to want things, when you don't know how to want anymore. Trusting people is difficult, and so is relying on them, but I don't know where I'd be without the people who rely on me.

I've heard a lot of people say, "Nobody will love you unless you love yourself". I've had a lot of thoughts about it. It's not right, but it's not wrong, either, I think.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... I've always taken that to mean, "You will not be lovable until you develop a positive view of yourself as a person".

Now, I think it's sort of inside-out.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... because nobody can show their love to you in a way that you can accept until you treat yourself kindly, and learn what you need, and what you want, and how to ask for it, and then give that vulnerability away.

Love, for me, is someone I ask for a ride to the airport. Whether they end up doing this or not is irrelevant.

It's not needy, or selfish, or taking up energy. It's giving the gift of being wanted, and needed, and thought of. It's giving someone the security of being part of someone's life.

#Ramble #Sorry I just took my sleeping pills lol #Seepy

[fionnaskyborn]

and TODAY ON "Songs Fionna can't listen to without them fucking her up immensely and remind her why she doesn't listen to them very often every time she listens to them", we have:

#logs #every time i'm like oh this song gets me in my feels i should listen to it and every time i end up hurting #something something proof of being alive yeah yeah but i really can't handle it #big shouts to trocadero for making songs that fuck me up every time i listen to them #i mean nothing comes close to contact in terms of how much a trocadero song fucks me up but you gotta admit‚ and i wonder where you are / #and i wonder what you wore / and i'm lost inside a bar / and i'm drunk inside a war / and i wonder where you are is also terrific #okay i'm gonna go cry about the tragedy of making a hyperspecific space opera that holds so much meaning and discusses so many things from #grief through moving on through learning how to live after having spent a significant portion of your life without any kind of autonomy #through reunions and learning how to talk with someone you haven't seen in nineteen years to‚ ultimately‚ having hope no matter what gets #thrown your way and that is ultimately about giving people happiness and closure but that loses a lot of its value by fitting into very #specific niches due to its nature as a work of fiction based on two works created by other people and having the centerpieces be not people #i have managed to come up with and whose stories i've written #but rather pre-existing persons that are mindchildren of a completely different individual #the worst part is that the story simply wouldn't work with different characters or using a different story as a basis. what i have created‚ #what i WANT to create is‚ by all standards that count... perfect. the story /works/ /because/ of the characters involved. but the overlap #between the people who enjoy the story the characters are derived from AND the story that serves as the setting is so comically small that #it's all but impossible to find an audience to whom the story would mean as much as it means to me. and there are a few people out there‚ #sure enough. but i am terrified to reach out because this is so personal to me. i'd love to share this story with people but spilling my #entrails out and having people turn away dissatisfied with what they see or saying it's ''not for them'' hurts me more than almost anything #else in this world. call me a coward‚ but my soul's aged too fast‚ and i'm tired‚ and i can't bear that risk. #one day‚ though... someone will listen. #black blank blah-blah-blah

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM THE SONGS ON TIME LIFE'S ULTIMATE LOVE SONGS COLLECTION - YES, THAT COMMERCIAL *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary. "cauuuseee i'm your laaaaady (imagine owning the world's greatest love songs)... and you are my maaann..."

your voice is warm and tender.

i'm your lady, and you are my man.

whenever you reach for me, i'll do all that i can.

i am always by your side.

sometimes i am frightened.

i'm ready to learn.

i could hardly believe it when i heard the news today.

i had to come and get it straight from you.

they said you were leaving.

from the look upon your face, i see it's true.

tell me how am i supposed to live without you?

how am i supposed to carry on?

i didn't come here to break down.

a dream of mine is coming to an end.

how can i blame you?

it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star.

if love can see us through, then we'll be together.

your love is all i'll ever need.

i look in your eyes and there i see what happiness really means.

the love that we share makes life so sweet.

here and now, i promise to love faithfully.

nothing can take your love away.

i believe in love.

now i know i've succeeded.

i'll be eternally grateful.

come back again.

i want you to stay next time.

don't wake me up too soon.

unforgettable. that's what you are.

have i told you lately that i love you?

have i told you there's no one else above you?

you fill my heart with gladness.

somehow, you make it better.

every time you go away, you take a piece of me with you.

i'll always love you for the rest of my days.

you gave me hope when i needed someone near.

you have made my life complete.

tell me, who could ask for more?

when i kiss your lips, i start to shiver.

when i'm in your arms, nothing seems to matter.

i don't care how you get here. just get here if you can.

if i had my way, then surely you would be closer.

i need you closer.

still, i can't figure out what went wrong.

i'd still do anything for you.

i can pretend each time i see you that i don't care and i don't need you.

i've learned so much from you.

if you fall, i will catch you.

you said "go slow."

you know our love was meant to be.

i want you here with me from tonight until the end of time.

you're always on my mind.

you're the meaning in my life.

no one needs you more than i need you.

i want to see you clearly.

these dreams go on when i close my eyes.

i see the questions in your eyes.

i'll never break your heart.

i'll love you with every beat of my heart.

wherever you go, whatever you do, i will be right here waiting for you.

i'm stuck on you.

i guess it's time for me to come on home.

so hard to see that a woman like you could wait around for a man like me.

#mcflymemes #rp meme #rp memes #rp prompt #roleplay memes #roleplay prompt #rp starters #ask meme #ask memes #roleplay meme #roleplay inbox prompts #rp inbox meme #inbox prompt #inbox meme #sentence starter prompt #sentence starter #sentence starters #ONLY $16.99 PEOPLE!!!!!!

[inkskinned]

yesterday while feverish i wrote about how boats can moor next to each other like pigeons, cooing with the gentle rap of water against their hull. you once said that that the way i see things - birds in the water, feathers in marina paint - was "childish and naive." you said i'd been misdiagnosed - "it can't all be adhd. you might be just kind of stupid and lazy."

i still do certain things like how you taught me - turn the pillow case inside out before putting it on. drive defensively. hate myself entirely.

the prompt for this poem is "mahler's fifth." i wish it wasn't, but mahler's fifth was our song. it ended up in my book. every person that knows your name has promised me they'll give you one swift rabbit punch, right to the face. dean read the book and showed up on my front porch, drenched in sweat from running the 8 miles at 4 in the morning. he was shaking. pacifist and gentle - he works with children - i'd never seen him furious. a punch isn't going to do it, he said, and then said i'm sorry. i had to come to see if you were okay.

mahler's fifth was mine first, like my girlhood. i like the way each movement piles onto the next movement, each instrument bleeding into the next. i like the horn version the best. before i met you, i danced to it on grass still-wet from sprinklers.

later you would tell me that the way you heard it was somehow better. you understood something in it that i couldn't quite wrap my fingers into. once, on our anniversary, you asked the classical music radio station to play it for us. we missed hearing it because we were fighting. one of the things people get wrong about abuse is that sometimes victims are, like, brutally aware of the stupidity of our situation. what do you mean that you thought i wasn't good enough for you? you? you're just... nothing.

sometimes people can pull the poetry out of your life. i watched my words become clothesline, and then thin out into kite twine. i watched you chew through every good syllable of me. so many good songs and places and moments were ruined. i am glad you didn't like most of my music - less to tie back to you.

but still mahler's fifth. the music swells, and i am 21 and throwing up in a bathroom on my birthday. a woman i will later refer to as lesbian jesus runs a cool hand down my back, her perfect pantsuit starch-pressed. she told me to leave you. she said - and this is true, and not an invention of rhyme or fantasy - i'm you from the future.

i am 22, and i got home from an award ceremony, and i remember you telling me - you act so proud of yourself when you're actually so fucking embarrassing. i took you to disney world. you took my virginity. i gave up visiting spain for a week with my family - i instead choose you, to spend the time just-cuddling. you called it "our fuck week." the music swells. it probably should have been a red flag that for about 3 years - i just gave up on crying. my grandfather died and you said nothing. my uncle died and you ghosted me for 3 weeks. you said i need to protect myself from your ongoing tragedy.

every so often i come back to the memory of one of our last afternoons in person. i had just told you that i wasn't going to law school, despite the free ride - i was going to join a creative writing program. master's in fine arts. i was going to finally do it - i was going to follow my dreams. this blog was already internet-famous. however reluctantly, i would occasionally refer to myself as a poet. i got into umass amherst's writing program for fiction authors. it is one of the the top 5 programs in the country.

wait are you seriously considering actually attending that? dumbfounded, you turned completely towards me in your seat. for the 3rd time in our relationship, you almost crashed the car. you actually want to be a writer?

the first time i went viral, it was for a poem i wrote about you:

he wants to say i love you but keeps it to goodnight because love will take some falling and she's afraid of heights.

every time i see that, i want to throw up. you weren't in love with me, you were in love with the control you had over me. a little truth though: i am afraid of heights. you caught a rabbitgirl and skinned her alive.

mahler's fifth still makes me sick.

give me that back. give me back music. give me back everything i had before you. give me back fearlessness. give me back bravery. give me back a scarless body.

give me back what you took from me.

#nosebleed club #sorry stephen not ur fault #just like. thinking #writeblr #spilled ink #warm up #every time nat is like - oh let me get that for u #im like .... this is a trick right like ur gonna be mean now bc u did something nice rn #so obviously if ur being nice now either u did something mean and im about to learn about it #or you're going to BE mean #or ur gonna hold this over my head forever and i'll never get a nice thing ever again? #and every time nat is like .... babe i just actually like u #lesbian jesus story is 100% real btw. she also told me not to be an event planner #literally changed the shape of my life

[dotster001]

Eric Venue

Summary: Vil x gn!reader (technically). Vil has always found your mannerisms to be endearing. They are less endearing when they are evoked by his father.

A/N: NEW DILF DROPPED AND I HAVE ZWRO SHAME AWOOGA!!! Special thanks to @animepaniclover122403 and @l1ls4y0 for being my eyes on the inside and getting me pictures. Warning, I'm on the EN server so I know absolutely nothing about Eric Venue so this may be very out of character.

Note: It's in my pinned post, and I've mentioned this in a couple posts, but if this is the first of my stuff you've read, I view NRC as an actual college, so reader here is 18+. If it makes you more comfy, imagine it as grad school age.

Vil remembers the first time you met him. You wouldn't look directly at him, opting to stare at the floor as you mumbled incoherent sentences. Not a clear thought left your mouth.

Were you scared? Intimidated? Or, worse, did you not like the way he looked? That last possibility kept him up longer than he'd be proud to admit.

When he moved in with you during SDC training camp, he watched you walk into a wall three separate times. It was that third time that he realized what the situation was. You were flustered. How absolutely adorable.

Over the course of the weeks, you were eventually able to say more than three words to him. You continued to have issues looking directly at him, but he didn't mind that. It was cute. And a little bit of an ego boost.

Now the two of you were thick as thieves. And, in a teasing mood, he decided to ask you about your initial reaction to him. 

As expected, you couldn't look directly at him, staring at the floor as you fidgeted with clasped hands.

Then he heard, barely above a whisper, “I've never seen anyone who is as beautiful as you.”

His heart fluttered. He knew you well enough now to know that you were from another world…

Which meant…

He was more beautiful than anyone you'd ever seen in two worlds.

“Sometimes…sometimes I can't look directly at you because when I look at you I…I can't think, and my mouth goes dry.”

Adrenaline rushed through him, and he couldn't fight off the vicious grin as he cruelly took your chin in his hand, and forced you to look at him.

“You are so adorable.” Then, to absolutely destroy what little calm you had left he pressed a kiss to your nose. You immediately crumbled, your only life line the hand still holding your chin, as he hid his laugh behind a delicate hand to his mouth.

And now? Now he'd invited you home with him for summer break. He'd planned every day's outfit down to the hour, hoping to absolutely destroy you with his casual attire. Not that it was ever truly casual, but that was by design.

And, by the end of the summer, you'd ask him out, and he'd graciously accept. And then you'd live happily ever after.

He forgot to account for one thing…

“It's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard quite a bit about you,” his father said with an amused smile, as he pressed a light kiss to each of your cheeks.

Vil knew immediately. Your eyes flicked to his father's, then your entire being crumbled.

“H-h-h-hi, Mr. Venue-”

"Oh please. No need to be so formal. Call me Eric.”

“E-E-E-”

“Father! I thought you had a meeting today,” Vil cut you off quickly, an unconcealed tinge of irritation to his voice. Not that you'd notice. You were too far gone, your face unsubtly turned down to your feet.

“I did, but I'd be a poor host if I didn't come meet your- what are they again?” His father smirked, a challenge in his eyes.

“I'm-I’m his-”

“Y/N’s my guest. My guest. No need to be a host, I have it all taken care of.”

Vil and his father smiled at each other for a moment. A moment too long apparently, because you ended up trying to speak again.

“Thank you for letting me stay in your home,” you whispered, barely audible.

“It's not a problem!” He reached out for your hands, taking them in his own, his thumbs gently caressing your knuckles. “It's wonderful that my son has people that are important to him. Would you, perhaps, like to stay forever?” 

In a move very much like one of Vil's, Eric gently tipped your chin up to meet his gaze. Vil watched your face fall under the spell he himself often placed you under. It took everything inside him not to act like a child in a rage. Instead, he placed his hands on your shoulders, and quickly steered you away.

“Y/N is very tired so I will show them to their room,” Vil said. “As I said, I will be their host, no need for you to take time off.”

His father laughed as he quickly shoved you into a nearby guest room. Not even the one he had intended to put you in. But he had to get you away from his dad.

“He smelled nice,” you whispered.

Of course he did. His father smelled of mahogany and expensive cologne. When he was little, that smell meant home. Now that smell meant-

“He was so pretty,” you said with a rather nasty voice crack.

Vil grunted. Grunted! Sevens, the effect you had on him.

Just as his father had done, he took your chin in his hand, and said, firmly, “You're min-my guest. Not his. So try to keep your attention on me.”

You looked at him with big innocent eyes. Vil fought back a distressed, lovesick sigh.

“Understood…but…what if,” you bit your lip, and Vil knew whatever was about to come out of your mouth would give him gray hair. Though, clearly that would be something you would like.

“What if, you shared me?”

He stared at you, opening and closing his mouth a couple times.

“I could be both of your guests!”

“What! Do you know what you're saying?” You had to! At least a piece of you had to, or you wouldn't be continuing the conversation. 

“I don't feel safe answering that question,” you said, your eyes narrowing in suspicion at his attitude.

“I'll be blunt, Y/N,” he said firmly. “You cannot date my father.”

“I never said-”

“You didn't have to. It's written all over your face.”

You opened your mouth to protest, closed it, huffed, looked away, then you turned back to him.

“Why not?”

Vil’s jaw dropped. He sputtered, then exclaimed, “Are you seriously asking why you can't date my dad?”

“He's a dilf,” you shrugged.

“You also can't look directly at him!”

“I can change-”

“Doubtful.”

“Wow, okay. I see what this is. You are intimidated by the thought of me as your step parent.”

“You can't be my step parent!”

“I knew it! You're scared of me wearing the pants between the two of us!”

“No! You can't date my dad, because you are supposed to fall for me!”

You blinked at him. He pinched the bridge of his nose between two perfectly manicured nails. There went his summer plan.

“Oh.”

“Oh?” He sighed heavily. “Oh, as in, you feel the same? Or oh as in, awkward, leave me alone?”

You looked away, and Vil was certain if he felt your cheeks, they would feel feverish.

“I-er-ugh.”

“Take your time,” he hummed his amusement coming back to him.

You glared at him, before crumbling again, and mumbling some gibberish. 

“You can't even talk to me, but you think you can handle my father?”

You glared at him, then took a calming breath.

“I like you too.”

“Thank sevens,” he pulled you in for a hug, holding back a snicker as he felt you tremble a little.

“You smell good, too,” you muttered, before hiding your face in his shoulder. He could feel his pride swelling.

But only you could bring it down just as quickly as you brought it up.

“Why can't you share me?” your tone sounded innocent enough, but he groaned as he pushed you out at arms length. 

“I absolutely forbid you from flirting with my father.”

“I have two hands, so I could hold both of your hands at the same time!”

“Y/N, do not make me use my unique magic on you,” he warned. He watched you glare at him, but you quickly lost your composure as he reopened his arms to you, and you buried yourself against him.

He had a whole summer to keep you away from his father.

Wonderful.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #vil schoenheit #vil schoenheit x reader #eric venue