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#note this book contains problematic content
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Source: The Night Of Your Life; Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras
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creatorofarcadia · 7 months
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I have many, many thoughts about booktok but something specific that's been eating at me recently, is the complete lack of middle ground between typical 'booktok' content and 'anti-booktok' content.
I definitely have criticisms of booktok. For example, I think it encourages overconsumption, as creators buy 3 or 4 copies of the same book with slightly different sprayed edges etc, when likely they are only going to read one and the others will sit collecting dust. I also have issues with the specific books recommended, as I think some of the booktok staples (e.g., ACOTAR, Colleen Hoover), even setting aside any problematic content and poor world-building, are still bad recommendations as the writing just isn't to standard. I've not read all of ACOTAR, but even from the sample I did read, I spotted several sentences containing, if not outright errors, things that should've been edited out on the first proofread. Just to be clear, if you're a massive fan of some of these booktok staples, I don't say these things to try to ruin your fun and make you feel bad. I say this because if you're paying £10 or $15 for a book, you deserve something that's well-crafted. There's nothing wrong with a simple writing style (I've enjoyed plenty of books that employ one), but the book shouldn't read as though it was completed in one sitting and published with no edits.
However, I don't think the anti-booktok content I've seen acts as a balm to these issues. Instead, some of the posts I've seen just seem to insinuate that reading anything by an author who's still alive is the height of anti-intellectualism and if you're not reading classics you're not reading anything worth discussing. This frustrates me because I feel like there's a HUGE middle ground between only recommending books with corporate art covers and poor writing and treating tome-like classics as the only books worth mentioning. There are so many good, modern books out there, both genre fiction and literary fiction and I just wish they got discussed more.
(Just as a side note, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with liking classics, they're classics for a reason. Just that I feel like there are a lot of good books not getting recognition by online book communities because they don't fit into either of the aforementioned categories.)
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lightfeltmemories · 6 months
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hxh theory: is feitan a p3d0phile?
tw's: mentions of l0l1c0n, paraphilia, p3d0philia, sadism and torture because its fucking feitan, cp (debatable if you consider l0l1c0n cp), mentions of problematic hxh ships such as feitan x kalluto and hisoka x gon
just a note: before you come at me with your pitchforks leaving hate in my asks and dms, i am not a fan of l0l1c0n nor am i trying to defend it, this post is a simple theory i have gathered by evidence in the manga, no one is saying that you should believe this theory, it's more of a "do with this information what you will" kind of thing.
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so, you may be reading this title and you're thinking "what the actual fuck?" and you probably believe that i pulled this straight out of the deepest parts of my ass, but what if i told you i had some plausible evidence for this theory?
so, for starters, this thought actually came to me when i was reading a post by a user on here named @/cautionworks (i'm not going to tag them here because i don't know them nor do i want to seem like a bother) who made a post relating to their favorite ships (warning as the post does contain problematic ships such as hisogon and such, not saying in particular im against the ship, im just giving out a warning to anyone who is triggered by minor x adult ships) and there was a ship listed as feitan x kalluto.
in the passage it mentions that they found out that feitan may be into l0l1, which at first thought was a bit strange but once you think about it more, the concept isn't the most absurd for someone like him.
i haven't seen anyone actually talk about feitan possibly being into l0l1c0n, much less being a p3do, probably because of the anti's in the fandom.
so, lets get on with the actual evidence!
in the yorknew city arc, after he was done torturing the owl, he is seen reading a book by an author named trevor brown, and as stated on his hunterpedia page, trevor is a controversial artist who's work involves paraphilia; atypical sexual urges.
according to trevor's wikipedia page, "His work explores paraphilias, such as lolicon, ero guro, BDSM, and other fetish themes. Innocence, violence, misogyny, and Japanese popular culture all collide in Brown's art."
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there is also a reddit post relating to this topic as well, and according to said post the topic was popular on tik tok at a certain period in time (not very important but i thought it was kind of interesting since im a tik tok user and content creator kind of)
so, does this make feitan a p3d0phile? i can see why people would think so, and i can also see why people wouldn't.
why i would is simple; trevor brown's art speaks for itself, the usage of fictional little girls in... lets just say, VERY interesting situations would make one assume off rip that feitan may be a p3d0phile, or at least a l0l1con, not to mention, togashi isn't afraid of making a character like this especially since we have hisoka (not saying hisoka is a p3d0, but many do, and im just trying to prove a point and give an example as to why the concept of feitan being a p3d0 isn't something completely out of the ordinary, hxh does get pretty dark after all).
why i wouldn't: i've seen some arguments that feitan may not hold the same views as trevor despite him doing some questionable things, similar to how people may like a certain character or even person in real life but not agree with everything they say or do, not to mention he doesn't seem to act weird or overly charming with kids like hisoka, he certainly isn't afraid to hurt or torture one (gon) but theres no actual implications outside of him reading this book by a controversial artist that he is sexually attracted to them.
but in my personal opinion, unless specified by togashi himself, or given any more details about how he feels about such things i wouldn't go as far as to call feitan a p3d0 just because he's seen reading a book by someone known to create l0l1 art, hell, he might be reading a book that doesn't include anything relating to p3d0philia, since the cover art isn't explicitly shown.
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Note
Hi! I was checking your blog and I noticed that you translated Ichika's new permissions on the use of her art, thank you very much for making that information more accessible, although I think she changed them again, well I got that impression from the last tweets she posted, tbh for me, who doesn't know much about copyright laws, it's starting to get a little confusing.I don't know if it's because of the way she writes it or if it's really a complicated matter.
I think perhaps I'm the one who's not being clear. So I will try to be as precise in my delivery as possible.
Ichika is not talking about legal copyright. She is not saying she'll come after people with a team of lawyers. She is an independent artist on the internet. She is simply talking about what she does and does not approve of people doing with her work, the work she is uploading to her personal artist accounts. She is asking very politely for people to respect these rules. I promise you, it is not complicated.
To go into her newest tweets--she is simply trying to use more clear and unambiguous wording in her permissions page. That's it. Like emphasizing that it is specifically the reupload/reposting of her work that's the problem, and that any acceptable uses of her work (like as icons/headers) ONLY applies to things SHE has posted on her own accounts. If, say, it was done as a commission such as on a video, then she gives no permission for its use.
According to the updated profcard wording:
Ichika does not want people reposting or reuploading her work onto the internet, regardless of whether or not they've made edits to it.
The only exception to this is that people can use her art for blog headers/icons/etc for their personal online accounts. However, this only applies to art that she, Ichika, has posted publicly herself. The only modifications people are allowed to do to these is to trim the art.
If these personal accounts contain any radical or problematic statements, however, she would prefer people did not use her art for them.
She is talking solely from the perspective of her personal approval. Again--the above points are not regarding copyright law, they are regarding her preferences for the way people use her art.
She clarifies at the end that people are allowed to use or reference her art in a manner consistent with basic copyright law.
The only time she mentions copyright law is in the end, and that's just her noting that the usual exceptions to copyright law also apply to her art.
Now, if you plan to do anything at all on the internet, ESPECIALLY in fandom spaces that deal with Japanese media, I would strongly advise you to go and familiarize yourself with said copyright law (again, I am aware that Evillious being Japanese exclusive makes this a piracy fandom by necessity, but that's no excuse not to be aware of what laws you are breaking when you, say, upload the entirety of the "Daughter of Evil" manga to a public drop box). The vast majority of infractions are allowed to happen because the rights holders are gone/aren't aware of them/deem it a waste of time and money to pursue/beneficial for creating a foreign market/etc etc, not because it isn't technically against the law to do.
But anyway I would say that what she's referring to here is something called Fair Use in the US (disclaimer again that I am NOT a lawyer, nor am I familiar with Japanese copyright law). Fair Use allows for limited use of copyright protected material for non-profit purposes. For example, uploading 2 minutes of a 2 hour movie for the purposes of reviewing it, or uploading a small sample of pages from an art book to discuss the contents. I'm less familiar with how one would go about applying Fair Use to just wholesale uploading Ichika's Twitter art solely to have it on your blog, so my advice would be to just not do that, hope that helps.
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crystalsandbubbletea · 7 months
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New introduction post!
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Welcome to Crystalsandbubbletea's blog!
⚠️DO NOT FOLLOW ME IF YOU ARE STRICTLY A NSFW BLOG! I AM OKAY IF ADULTS FOLLOW ME JUST DON'T BE A NSFW BLOG I'M UNDER 18-⚠️
Pronouns page for easier navigation (Now includes fandoms I'm in):
Info + Other blogs under the cut
Aliases/Names: Crystals, Crystal, Bubble Tea, Bubble, Tea, Mint, Rian
Age: 17
I have ADHD, Autism, PGD (Prolonged Grief Disorder), possible PTSD. I am also a furry and therian.
My grandmother is part of the Ponca Tribe of Oklahoma, I would also be part of the Tribe but unfortunately there's a blood quantum.
I'm transmasc nonbinary (They/Xe/Ve/Zir pronouns), and also Trixic, Demiromantic, Demisexual (mildly sex-repulsed though-), and Polyamorous!
I do follow a religion, however it's a religion that I founded (I only made one post about it, as I don't want my blog to go too deep into religion in case if people are uncomfortable/have religious trauma)
Birthday: March 7
I have two dogs, Bubble and Squeak are their names (And Squeak is part cat /hj)
What my blog contains: I post incorrect quotes, art (Note: I reblog my art from my @crystalsandbubbletea-art blog), things about my webcomic series (Note: That's been transferred to my @the-official-legacies-blog blog), things about my book series, political things, ish that happened in my life, occasional vents (Please filter the tags "#crystals vents", "#crystal vents", "#bubble tea vents", "#bubble vents", "#tea vents", and "#rian vents" if you don't want to see my vent posts), things about the fandoms I am in, photos about projects I did, ish about my OC's (Note: Transferred to my @crystals-ocs-ask-blog, @crystalsandbubbletea-art, and @the-official-legacies-blog blogs, will reblog posts onto here though-), rambles, rants, queer things, and neurodivergent things.
Fandoms I am in: Baldur's Gate, RWBY, Red vs Blue, Halo, Percy Jackson, Andromeda Six, Murder Drones, Helluva Boss*, Hazbin Hotel*, Doctor Who, Demon Slayer, Hollow Knight, Warrior Cats, Undertale + Deltarune, Astroneer (Slowly getting into it-), and Fundamental Paper Education
*Note: I do NOT support Vivziepop, she's done way too many problematic things + Based Alastor off of cultural appropriation
Fandoms I don't like/VERY THIN ICE: My Hero Academia (The cultural appropriation in that fandom is intense-), Countryhumans (Specifically the shipping + NSFW side... Y'all need to look at the politics and histories of those countries your shipping, and I don't think it's ideal to ship land masses and make NSFW about them-)
Custom tags: #crystalsandbubbletea, #crystals ish, #crystal ish, #bubble tea ish, #bubble ish, #tea ish, #rian ish, #crystals storytime, #crystal storytime, #bubble tea storytime, #bubble storytime, #tea storytime, #rian storytime, #crystals vents, #crystal vents, #bubble tea vents, #bubble vents, #tea vents, #rian vents, #crystals asks, #crystal asks, #bubble tea asks, #bubble asks, #tea asks, #rian asks, #legacies by crystalsandbubbletea, #crystals sighs into the void, #crystal sighs into the void, #bubble tea sighs into the void, #bubble sighs into the void, #tea sighs into the void, #rian sighs into the void, #crystals rambles, #crystal rambles, #bubble tea rambles, #bubble rambles, #tea rambles, #rian rambles, and any tag with the names of my OC's
⚠️DNI: NSFW blogs that don't tag their content as NSFW, anti-LGBTQIA+, anti-Furries, anti-Therians, anti-Semitic, Islamophobes, Zionists, people who fetishize minorities, people who misuse tonetags, ableists, racists, TERFS, radfems, radqueers, anti-abortion, fatphobic, Wilbur Soot defenders, abuse defenders, victim-blamers, tag NSFW things on the asexual tags, RWDE (Y'all are the most racist, homophobic, fatphobic, and ableist people I have ever met), bodyshamers, transmeds, "LGB drop the T" (Y'all are hypocrites, we have rights BECAUSE of Trans people, specifically BLACK trans people), exclusionists, proshippers (Trauma related reasons-), anti-Cluster B Personality Disorders, Southern Baptist Christians (Trauma related reasons once again), people who think it's okay to send death threats and/or suicide threats⚠️
Boundaries: Don't call me 'slut', 'cunt' or 'whore' even if it's a joke, don't flirt with me even if it's a joke (Trauma related reasons I'm not too keen on talking about)
THIN ICE: Countryhumans fandom, My Hero Academia fandom, people over 25 (Just don't be creepy please-)
Other blogs:
Art blog: @crystalsandbubbletea-art
Blog for my fanfiction series: @the-official-legacies-blog
OC Ask Blog: @crystals-ocs-ask-blog
Clangen blog: @crystalsclangencorner
Berat blog: @berat-adil-emre-yukime
Warriors rewrite blog: @crystals-warriors-rewrite
Lore Olympus AU blog: @crystals-lo-rewrite
Gimmick blogs:
@aroace-spec-empire
@definitely-totally-croatia
That's all! Have a great day! (⁠◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕⁠✿⁠)
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(*Cough* Also I make posts about my Indigenous American heritage *Cough*)
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threelivesthreeworlds · 2 months
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Why are you running a blog for a plagiarized work written by a violently homophobic author?
(Admin Lins note: This will post will contain both admins speaking at different points, there will be talk of d.anmei and B.L, overall the admins are frustrated with the phrasing used by the anon and we suggest you use critical thinking skills when reading this as to not misunderstand our words) 
Admin Ro: This is a complicated question, with complicated answers. I don’t think you’ll be satisfied with my answer, anon, but I’m on a train and I have the patience to lay it out right now, so I’ll tell you why, for me personally, I allow myself and other people to enjoy this series and make derivative content for it.
( Admin Lins: to disclaimer: admins are consumers and enjoyers of d.anmei/B.L, admin lins also consumes a lot of sapphic content primarily western written, these books are in no-particular order
Admin Ro has read: m.dzs, s.vsss, p.each b.lossom d.ebt (aka the book the allegations are around), t.gcf (<--- at least 5 times by Admin Lins’ last count),g.uardian, Q.ianqiu, 2.ha, I b.ecome a g.od in a h.orror g.ame, w.elcome to the n.ightmare l.ive, K.aleidoscope of D.eath, t.hriller t.rainee, t.hriller t.our g.roup, g.lobal e.xamination, g.irls of p.aper and f.ire, i.ron w.idow 
Admin Lins has read: m.dzs, t.gcf, g.uardian, both two or three chapters of s.vsss & 2.ha each (I’m slow, s.vsss requires a certain mood, and 2.ha is just dark and heavy so I take my time with this), about ten chapters of q.jj back in 2020, about one or two chapters of q.ianqiu, in the midst of reading i b.ecome a g.od in a h.orror g.ame, the s.inging h.ills c.ycle series, s.he w.ho b.ecome the s.un, i.ron w.idow, g.irls of p.aper and f.ire series, s.he is a h.aunting, the c.hosen and the b.eautiful, b.urning r.oses
( Admin Lins: chances are I missed some books we’ve read or I have intentionally left them out as they aren’t relevant to this post.) ) 
Admin Ro: Firstly, a lot of media is problematic, even without our knowledge. If you don’t allow people to consume media because some of its contents are problematic, its author or source is problematic, etc. etc., then there will be nothing in the world left that’s completely “safe” or “moral” to consume. It’s somewhat unreasonable in my opinion to demand that someone enjoy only completely correct things, especially in a world where hardly anything is always 100% correct. Reading a book and liking it does not mean I condone its problematic moments. In fact you’ll find that a lot of the times on this blog specifically we point out where something is problematic. We don’t blindly consume this content, we are able to be critical thinkers and decide which parts of a story we do not agree with the message of.
Admin Ro: I assume the violent homophobia you’re referring to is largely the fact that the novel is supposedly plagiarized from a B.L. First, to say nothing of the plagiarism aspect, do you suppose that B.L as a genre isn’t homophobic at its root of origin? In China, the genre is mostly produced by straight women for the consumption of straight women. They call themselves f.ujoshis. B.L is like y.aoi, in a sense - largely still the fetishization of gay men for the profit of straight people. It’s representation, yes, but lots of them contain what you would consider problematic in terms of content regardless of if it were straight or gay - with frequent noncon/dubcon, the perpetrator being an l.gbt+ main character we are to sympathize with, toxic and otherwise unhealthy relationships between l.gbt+ characters we are meant to ship, graphic and intense violence and other heavy themes directly in the actions of characters who are l.gbt+. I don’t know if you read B.L, but perhaps you should head over to those (much larger, by the way, and much more vocal) fandoms first and ask them why they support a genre that is so violently homophobic? (<- note this is sarcasm) No? Well, if we are allowed to critically think with these stories to understand these characters and relationships as we do, then we’re allowed to critically think with this series. 
Admin Lins: I’d advise, if you do not want violently homophobic Asian authors in the content you consume, please avoid the B.L Y.ou’ve G.ot M.ail: The P.erils of P.igeon P.ost - F.ei G.e J.iao Y.ou X.u J.in S.hen as that author went on an abusive, homophobic, and transphobic rant toward a gay, Taiwanese author when the gay author was merely celebrating how Taiwan now allows same sex couples to adopt.
Now, our frustration lies in the fact that this was sent to our blog, under the assumption of whatever you, dear anon, have in their mind. Maybe it was entirely innocent, but to us, your tone came in as guns blazing. We are in fact consumers of B.L/d.anmei as stated in the beginning of this post. We are also queer women, who frankly don’t appreciate the words “violently homophobic” carelessly thrown around about an author we have only seen alleged claims to do with plagiarism about, and have investigated into where the evidence seems to rely more on people just don’t want to accept that a queer person can be in straight-passing relationships or accept queer characters can exist in a story that isn’t b.l/d.anmei as there is no speciality genre for queer characters that aren’t in same sex relationships or are in straight-passing ones, and phrases that are common to the Chinese-language are thrown around as evidence for “plagiarism”. 
Admin Ro: Tang.Qi may not have always been the best at writing her own l.gbt+ characters in some instances, but marked improvement can be seen in later books. Her main characters aren’t entirely “straight” either, even when they’re straight-passing. If there’s some other homophobia you’re referring to, I’m unaware of it and you’re going to have to expand. 
Admin Lin: 
To list off some of the queer characters / relationships / moments in 3l3w for you: 
B.ai Q.ian herself calls the relationship she had as Si.Yin with L.i J.ing her “first homosexual relationship”. She also switches between sexes as she pleases and is comfortable as either. 
L.i J.ing battles internalize homophobia/biphobia because his shitty father is also gay. It’s a lot of inner turmoil for him which is partly behind the reason he cheated on Si.Yin, the belief he could not be into men if he was into women.
S.u M.oye’s older brother, D.ie Y.ong, is gay and has a crush on Y.ehua. Their father also announces that whoever heals D.ie Y.ong, if a man, can marry D.ie Y.ong, or S.u M.oye, if a woman.
B.ai Z.hen and Z.he Y.an are basically an old married couple who bicker to the point B.ai Q.ian and B.ai F.eng J.iu avoid them to let them figure themselves out when they have arguments. But they’re also shown to be rather affectionate with each other.
B.ai F.eng J.iu is not one to wax poetic but the two times we see her - one is when she’s writing love letters as Consort C.hen to another wife of Emperor S.ong’s to break his heart (when she obviously could’ve chosen any male figure to do that to) and when she sees J.i H.eng for the first time.
J.i H.eng & M.in S.u are eloped aka married for 100 years before they part ways.
J.i H.eng’s older brother X.uyang has feelings for M.in S.u when he still believes her to be a male body guard.
Z.uti (aka C.heng Y.u’s original self) was born agender with the ability to choose their sex at 40,000 years old. They meant to take on a male form but chose to take on a female form. However, while still genderless, Z.uti got engaged to a female flower fairy named G.u R.ong, who Z.uti was then engaged to as a woman herself for over 200,000 years, some of which they were both sleeping during. And G.u R.ong deeply loves Z.uti, even upon her (G.u R.ong) choosing to break their engagement. 
G.u R.ong herself is a fierce and protective queer woman over whom she deems to be her family. 
Admin Ro: As to the plagiarism, I have read both books in their original language. This is my opinion - you can form your own if you choose to go read these books for comparison’s sake like I did. But - in terms of plot, considering that they are of the same genre and written in the same time frame  and so barring the usual 2010s x.ianxia settings, they really couldn’t be more different. They have some common characters because both authors borrowed real Chinese deities, which I believe to be reasonable in a similar x.ianxia setting. If you want to interpret it as such, maybe you can find characters expressing sentiments in similar ways, but to be fair those are neither copied directly nor even paraphrased. Also, Tang.Qi has won every plagiarism court case she’s in. You can choose not to believe in the Chinese court system, I certainly don’t know if I do, but that’s just supplementary information. 
Lastly, anon - because I want to run a blog for a story I like. Just as if you want, you can x out of this page and stop wasting your time and maybe go touch some grass. I humbly think that would be a better use of your time than trying to police two people on the internet reading an obscure book series and making shitposts about it.
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gloriousporcodenial · 2 years
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Life is a Spiderweb (1)
Author's note : There I go ! A complex fanfiction that includes different endings depending on the decisions you make... In France we call this a Book in which you are the Hero... But have a fanfiction !
In this story, you, the reader, can make your own choices, by clicking one of the two links at the end of the chapter if they are present. Otherwise, just choose A or B and tell me in the comments so I know what part to write next (because there is a lot to do here). Of course, it won't always lead to a happy ending ! This is a Reader x Porco type, regardless of the scenario you "pick", it might go right or wrong. Also, be aware that you or he may die in the story. There will be sexual content (I mean, lime/lemon), but you can always avoid that (you'll have a yes or no pick), so the sex scenes will only be implied. Chapters are going to be a little bit short, but I have so many of them to write... I might have skipped triggers, if you are worried you might encounter one, reach me out so I can tell you what chapters to avoid if any of them could be problematic. There is also a possibility for the story to contain some reader x another character then Porco. The good news is that you can re-read this fanfic and get a very different story the second time ! Several chapters are going to have the same number (for exemple, there are 4 different "Chapter 3"), but next to the title I wrote a number that is specific to a text, allowing you to keep track of where you were (like the 4 chapters number 3 are numbered 4, 5, 6 and 7. I currently havn't written 6 and 7 yet). I don't know if this is clear or not...
Well, here it goes !
Chapter One : The 104th
Finally, you were there, among many other young men and women, ready to start your training. Your aim was to be on the top 10 best soldiers, so you could choose where to land. Of course, the Survey Corp was going to be your pick. To be allowed outside of the walls, what a joy ! Even if you died there, you would have had a taste of freedom. Something worth dying for.
You grew up alone within the walls, an orphan without a story. You did your best in this cruel world, with other homeless kids in the streets. So many of them had died now, but you were here, ready to go where none of them had. You took note of a few of your new comrades as your head Instructor, Keith Sadies, walked among you, ignoring some, pointing out others. You were lucky enough to blend in the mass, unlike that poor girl Sasha Blouse.
In the evening, she was still running outside as you all were eating inside. Quickly, you spotted an empty spot at a table where you sat, and listened to the conversations around you. On your left were Eren Jeager, Armin Arlet, Mikasa Ackerman, Jean Kirstein and right next to you, Marco Bott. On your right, the benches were filled with a group of quiet people, Reiner Braun, Bertold Hoover, and Marcel Galliard.
After listening a little, you had started talking with Marco as Eren and Jean were arguing, when you felt someone's hand pulling you back by the shoulder. Caught off, you turned your head to face a very angry young man, his gray eyes filled with disgust and hatred.
"What the fuck are you doing on my spot!?"
"Porco !"
The young man turned his head toward Marcel, and you were struck by their ressemblance, how they had the same nose and eyes, the rounded shape of their faces... Marcel did seem to be older, but it was clear that they were brothers. Only their hair were significantly different, one being brune and the other a dark blonde.
"There's enought room, we'll just move over a bit. Don't make a fuss here already!" Marcel scolded. Porco glared at you, before sighting sharply.
"Whatever."
Everyone moved over, and the newcomer squeezed between you and his brother. You glanced a few times at Porco, noting that he was quite nice looking, despite his perpetual frown. He openly ignored you, and barely spoke to anyone else then Marcel, or enventually Reiner. It quickly became clear to you that the young man deeply disliked the tall blonde man facing him.
The next day, the training began. Quickly enough, you were noticed, like a few others, for being quite good already. Everyone was running at a steady pace, you had started out slow to allow yourself to warm up, but now you were pacing up... And you noticed Porco. He kept the same pace as his brother, glaring occasionnaly at Reiner that was a little bit behind them. You couldn't hold your mischivious smile back as you ran past them all easily, wondering if this would annoy the moody blonde man. You couldn't help yourself, you wanted to tease him, then again, he did yell at you last night without an apology.
That's how it started out. Everyday, as you would all run to warm up, you'll stay behind for a moment, before accelerating to run past him, glancing quickly on your right to capture Porco's frown. You turned out to be among the best trainee of the 104th, along with the Galliard brothers, and a few others, but you were very satisfied to be better then the blonde man. Not by far, but just enough to bother him. Quickly, it became obvious that you were his goal. Several of your comrades noticed this discrete competition between you.
You would always playfully smile at him whenever you would notice his frown on you, amused. You also enjoyed the attention, his stare in your back as you were running, the way he never stayed very far from you to observe... It was a nice change after being an invisible kid starving in the streets.
From time to time, the two of you would argue, he'd call you annoying and shallow, you'll remind him that you were still the best and that he was jealous. You loved the way he would internally blow, his jaw clenched tight as he glared at you with his storm-like grey eyes. He did look quite handsome like this, as if he was holding back something far more powerful. You really liked how he always looked a little bit threatening, you couldn't explain why. But he never bursted out in violence against you, and maybe that was it.
He could hurt you, but never did.
You knew your smiles annoyed him, but you kept smiling at him, hopeful that one day a little grin will stretch his lips as well. You had to admit that he looked good to you, and quite hot when he frowned, but you were desperately curious to see him smile. Well, you had already. As he spoke with Marcel a few times, you even heard him laugh and the way his face would brighten in joy was definitively charming. But you wanted to be the reason for it. You wanted his gaze to land on you and his face to light up as a smile spread across it.
You did notice that he tended to remain apart most of the time, rarely interacting with anyone else then his brother, or eventually Reiner and Berthold. Marcel was clearly the most friendly out of the two of them. Porco was simply almost always grumpy, and you knew that sometimes, you were the reason for it. You like to play with him like that, creating a little bond with him. As long as you were better then him, you knew you would have his attention, and you were quite hopeful that this would lead to something more friendly. How many times did you befriend your fellow orphans back then by teasing them at first ?
You never realised to what extent your little game was hurtful to him, until he snapped.
You couldn't tell what had started it. He was pissed, snarling at you as usual, and you smiled again. You don't remember what the two of you were saying. But you then saw him clench his fist, and for a brief second, you thought he was going to punch you. You felt your face growing pale, and he finally shifted to punch the wall next to him in a terrifyingly violent bang.
"I FUCKING HATE YOU Y/N !!!!! WHY WON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE !!!!????"
Your heart was beating hard. Suddenly, he didn't seem attractively threatening, no, he seemed brutal. For the first time, you realised that he might actually want to hurt you, and had been holding back to avoid troubles. He did hate you sincerely, and right now, you could clearly see it in his eyes. A blend of anger and fear, sadness and guilt overwhelemed you for a moment. You hated violence, but you never meant to truly anger him, you thought that your competition was quite friendly, but you had been wrong...
Here is the part where you can choose where the story goes ! Just write your pick (A or B) in the comments, and I'll get the next part ready. If by any chance, both possible chapters are already written, I'll post them both, but this way gives me a chance to focus on fewer storylines, because right now, I have more then 30 possible endings and it's hard to pick what to write next !
>A: You burst out in anger as well (2) >B: You apologize and decide to stop teasing Porco (3)
Taglist (I'll add you all in the next chapter depending on the decision you will make so you can find the right chapter !) :
@mo-3-bius 
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foxounderscorecube · 1 year
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How to Stop Fascism - Paul Mason
4¼ ⭐
This is a hell of a book to read - in a good way, really.
The title is a little bit of a misnomer in that I shall not be single-handedly toppling fascism any time soon, which is a shame. Instead, it analyses the history and philosophy of fascism: its roots in Nietzche, irrationalism, and Futurism; the "perfect storms" that allowed it to develop in the past in different places; and the responses of people and political groups, however they turned out. Mason also looks over the leftist theory at the time in lesser detail - typically more specifically how the prevalent theory and discourse of the time affected the responses of left-wing groups.
I have to say, the whole thing about irrationalism did make the ideology make more sense to me. There are times where I see right-wingers argue points that I believe are abhorrent, but which I can understand in terms of how they got to their perspective; however, often, it all seems very obviously nonsensical and made-up (i.e. whatever is/was going on with QAnon; "women are naturally subservient but I can't get laid because women are too entitled and men are oppressed" incel arguments; "transvestigators" circlejerking about the wrist width of celebrities). That some of the traceable philosophy is quite literally "it is this way because I say so :)" is a much simpler answer than I expected, but it tracks.
That a lot of the philosophy is about leaving behind humanity and becoming objects that simply produce capital is absolutely harrowing, but also kind of makes sense. Of course, any governmental system that scapegoats entire groups of people is going to benefit from dehumanising their targets, but that a lot of it is based around dehumanising themselves is also pretty enlightening.
The history section was pretty frustrating to read because, as ever, the leftists couldn't stop in-fighting. Look, I'm not going to pretend I agree with every leftist out there - quite the opposite. I am a person. But the fact that historical leftists refused to acknowledge the fascist groups of their time as the real enemy, and instead focusing their attacks on each other and anyone else close-but-not-close-enough to their personal political beliefs would sound like a complete joke if I didn't believe that would absolutely happen again. It probably still is! I mean, look at the response to the person who leaked the TSA no-fly list - it was a very important leak, but half of what I saw about it outside of "holy fucking bingle!" memes was people arguing whether or not the labels she used to describe her gender and sexuality were "problematic" or not.
Still, that's kind of the point of the inclusion of it all, isn't it? The successes and failures of anti-fascists in the past need to be taken note of if we're to contain the threat of modern fascism while it's in its infancy. Current politics is taking a dangerous turn, but we're nowhere near the point of no return, thankfully.
Following the spirit of the Popular Front - a short-lived but vitally important alliance of political groups left of centre made to dissolve fascist groups - Mason suggests that a similar attitude of cutting out the in-fighting for five minutes and focusing on the real enemy is probably a good idea. I don't wholly disagree. Those working to remove the rights of minorities will happily team up with just about anyone to bring about their vision, so we should probably be teaming up with others who think that minorities should have rights, actually.
I'll admit, I'm less of a fan of his self-admittedly flawed suggestion of large social media platforms (or the Internet as a whole) requiring ID and such to post. As Mason says himself, people in high-control situations (political, familial, whatever) will be put at a severe disadvantage. Content creators - especially those that make adult content - would be at much higher risk of rogue fans finding their information. Of course, the anonymity of the Internet is exactly what allows people to spread misinformation, pull political strings, and incite violence, so I do see what he's getting at. But god, there's got to be a better way, surely!
My own ramblings aside, though, this is a well-argued, easy-to-understand book that I reckon is worth the read.
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voredere · 2 years
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ok since i can't seem to find a single person willing to say it that isn't using it as a dogwhistle for some nasty kiddy porn crap i gotta do everything myself around here.
the thing about Purity Culture isn't an issue of morality, it's an issue of engagement. what literary analysis asks someone to do is engage with a piece of art, regardless of themes and content, and interpret what the story means to the audience, to the author, and to the characters. you aren't intended to agree with everything depicted-- without even getting into unreliable narratives and the fact "protagonist" means "main character" and not "good guy", once art progresses past an elementary reading level, the reader is expected to take a certain responsibility. Instead of the narrator spoon feeding the plot and morals, the "narrator" is often the protagonist themselves, and we see things from their (potentially flawed) perspective. the reader is expected to look at the protagonists experiences and decide for themselves what is good and bad and if the protagonist is in the right. often the themes of the book will reflect which side the author wants you to take, but the author won't always take the time to write out an explicit condemnation outside of subtext and interpretations. you see this in series like death note, or lolita, or watchmen, or even in children cartoons like invader zim; the protagonist isn't necessarily the good guy or even in the right, and it's the readers responsibility to figure this out.
so that covers "A Book Containing Negative Themes Doesn't Mean The Author Condones Those Themes". there's obvious exceptions where you can tell the author does, ie it's an autobiographical fiction, or They Said So, or there's some weird fetishistic themes. But again, it's up to the reader to read and decide for themselves if that's the case.
But what if the author IS bad?
well, here's where it gets dicey and you have to make some more personal decisions. does the work have artistic value despite its flaws? does engaging with the work privately cause overt harm? (like, if the author has been dead for 400 years, you probably aren't benefiting them by reading). is there anything you can learn by studying the work? are you capable of engaging with the work at a personal distance and deciding what to internalise?
there are some things out there you probably won't find any value in consuming. some legal obscenity standards are even based on the concept of "would an average adult be able to find artistic value in the work". but some works you can gain a lot from studying-- sociological data, inside perspectives on atrocities, dogwhistles to look for, mistakes to avoid repeating, patterns, insight into the author, or "worst guy you know just made a great point". Hell, even guys like freud are still studied today despite most being recognised as garbage.
point being: a complete non engagement policy doesn't build strong critical thinking skills. it's fine to be uncomfortable with some themes, and it's fine to feel an author is reprehensible. this doesn't mean reading their work will make you a bad person. whether or not a book makes you a bad person depends entirely on how YOU respond to it, interpret it, and internalise it. you can control these things. i promise reading a few Bad Books will not make you guilty of thoughtcrimes, nor will it animorph you into a horrible person. you obviously don't have to read everything that makes you uncomfortable, i just severely wish people would stop just straight up not reading entire genres of literature bc OP (guy who has been dead for decades) was problematic.
this does not apply to things like kiddy porn, which lack artistic value and have a genuinely negative impact on public psychological health. kiddy porn enthusiasts do not interact.
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Source: The Night Of Your Life; Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras
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prnanayarquah · 2 months
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Ghana Smart Schools Project good but, preloading of textbooks on machine a sham- Prof. G. K. T. Oduro
New Post has been published on https://plugzafrica.com/ghana-smart-schools-project-good-but-preloading-of-textbooks-on-machine-a-sham-prof-g-k-t-oduro/
Ghana Smart Schools Project good but, preloading of textbooks on machine a sham- Prof. G. K. T. Oduro
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An Educational Leadership Scholar and a former Pro Vice Chancellor of the University of Cape Coast, Prof. George K. T. Oduro has noted that, government’s Ghana Smart Schools Project appears good on the surface but, is fraught with avoidable challenges.
One of the main challenges; according to Prof. Oduro ,is the claim that the tablets have been preloaded with text books .How possible when we all know the SHS curriculum is yet to be finalised. Are Contents of textbooks not informed by curriculum?, Prof Oduro quizzed
In a telephone conversation with Yoel Prah on Saturday, 30th March, 2024 on GBC Radio Central Show dubbed “Centre Stage”, the Educational Leadership Scholar avered that “on the surface, the project is good because, all other things being equal, the tablets are going to support student learning.
According to him, in pursuing the Sustainable Development Goals, any initiative that seeks to advance the course of quality education “ought to be lauded”,if properly planned. The laptop being designed with preloaded textbooks when the curriculum is not ready is “where I find a challenge with the initiative” positing that “currently, curriculum for Senior High Schools has not been finalised. Where there is no finality on the curriculum, preloading text books raises questions regarding the hidden intent of the project’, emphasized the professor.
Again, he hinted that, owing to the many challenges bedevilling some schools across the country, it makes the implementation of the initiative problematic. “There are about 5000 schools still operating under trees according to EduWatch, feeding challenges at the senior high level remain challenging and you prioritize laptops? ; ‘Where should our priority be? It is a good policy but in terms of priority, is it?”, quizzed the Educational Leadership Scholar.
He further questioned the rationale for government spending so much money on procuring exams papers for students when it knew it was going to launch a tablet which would contain all the text books and others, “This raises a question of value for money “.
Regarding the timing of the initiative, Prof. Oduro avered that with reference to the challenges enumerated and considering the fact that we are in an election year “is it not a means of influencing votes? Just to get students to vote for you? It raises an issue there”, he shared his thoughts on the timing of the project.
In sum, the former Pro VC of UCC admitted that, it is a good initiative because attempts have been made in the past to provide laptops for teachers which all culminates to changing narrative about educational teaching and learning materials. “But, considering current challenges facing schools in our country which threatens students’ learning enviroment, a big question mark comes up”, he noted.
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b4rbi3l4nd · 8 months
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⚜ some fics might contain NSFW, dark/problematic? topics (ex - abortions), content like such so pls always check the warnings and notes before reading
⚜ no discrimination. its just no. this is a safe space y'all
⚜ no copying of work w/o permission, i work hard on these, and i will find you, trust
⚜ i write for mainly fem readers, sometimes black but mainly no pre-determined race if it's not a fic where every character in the series/book/movie is a specific race (ex - black panther where the characters are all wakandan, stuff like that)
⚜ pls give me time to work on requests or continue series/fanfics, i don't necessarily see myself having a posting schedule because my schedule is just hectic like that
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dokjaslibrary · 4 years
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welcome.
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[location ✧ planetary system #8612]
✦ — ABOUT
Wei · 20+ · they/them
I try to put my thoughts about books, comics, and occasionally films and shows into words.
Please note that my rating system uses "grades" rather than numerical scores or stars.
SSS - S - A - B - C - D - F
equivalent: (point system) 10 - 9 - 8 - 7/6 - 5/4 - 3/2 - 1 (star system) ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ↠ ★
Details about the system can be found here.
✦ — BEFORE YOU FOLLOW
Minors DNI. The majority of my reads are not suitable for those under the age of 19.
I read content that contains dark and problematic themes such as gore, violence, abuse, non/dub-con, etc. Of course, I do not support any of these in real life. Reader discretion is always advised.
✦ — NAVIGATION
masterlist ⇢ all of my reviews and analyses organized
tags list ⇢ look for reviews, analyses, musings, asks
✦ — OTHER LINKS
instagram · twitter · carrd
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proship-headcanons · 2 years
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────⊱☆⊰────
⭒ ☆ Introduction! ☆ ⭒
Hello, hello! This is Proship Headcanons, and it's nice to have you! Here, you can submit headcanons, gush over pairings, and even chatter about OCs! Nothing you submit here has to be "problematic", mind you! Wholesome fluff and silliness is just as welcome!
I'm T.K. (they/them) and you can also find me over on my main: @insomniac-ships
Before sending an ask, please be sure to check out the rules below the cut! Thank you!
☆ Please include the show/series/game/book/etc. your headcanon(s) are from in your ask! Thank you! ☆
────⊱☆⊰────
⚠️ !! This blog may contain NS/FW material! If you are a minor, please block the "NSFM" tag! (Yes, with an M! Not Safe For Minors.) !! ⚠️
⋆  ★ Rules! ★  ⋆
► Submissions are made through the ask box, and you can send asks on or off anon.
► NS/FW headcanons are allowed, but please avoid going into extreme/graphic detail.
►►► ⚠️ If you are under the age of 18, please refrain from sending in or interacting with NS/FW content. ⚠️
► Please include any relevant NS/FW or trigger warnings at the top of your asks! (I'll also be tagging for NS/FW and triggers, no worries.)
► This is a discourse-free zone! Please leave any drama at the door and don't bring it here.
► No fatphobia or body-shaming.
► No unsolicited or mean-spirited criticism, especially of OCs.
► Keep any questions or discussions respectful and in good faith.
► Please note that these rules are subject to change! If any major changes are made, an update post will follow shortly after.
⭒ ☆ DNI! ☆ ⭒
lgbtqia-phobic┃racist┃sexist┃terfs + swerfs + radfem┃pro-contact paraphiles w/ potentially harmful attractions┃antis + fancops
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Pathfinder Drops Phylactery From In-Game Terminology
Paizo has discontinued the use of the word "phylactery" in its Pathfinder publications due to the word's origins as an item used in real-world religious customs. In the most recent chapter of Strength of Thousands, Pathfinder 2E's current Adventure Path, Paizo noted that it would use the phrase "soul cages" to describe the physical item that a lich stores their soul in. Traditionally in Dungeons & Dragons, Pathfinder, and other fantasy tabletop games, the item was known as a phylactery.
In the table of contents to Doorway to the Red Star, Paizo explains their reasoning: "Starting with the lich Dwandek in this adventure, we're making a long‑overdue terminology change. The use of the word "phylactery" as the item in which a lich stores their soul is both inaccurate and inappropriate given the evil nature of liches and the word's connotation with real‑world religious practices. Instead, liches in Pathfinder Second Edition store their souls in objects called soul cages—an act that liches see as an ultimate act of defiance against the cycle of life and death. Liches consider their souls not as things to cherish, but as weaknesses that, once locked away in a cage, allow for eternal undeath. Apart from this change in name, the mechanics for how liches function remain unaltered."
Gary Gygax and Rob Kuntz introduced what modern fantasy fans recognize as the lich in the pages of Greyhawk, the first-ever rules expansion for Dungeons & Dragons. Their version of the lich (which to that point was used as a generic synonym for the undead) was that of an undead magic user who retained their abilities from beyond the grave. Gygax expanded upon the lore of the lich in the original Monster Manual, specifying that liches were magic-users who through foul sorcery had conquered death by placing their soul inside an arcane box. Gygax called this box a phylactery, a word also used to describe a leather box worn by some Jews while praying that contained passages of the Torah. Many Jews alternatively referred to a phylactery as a tefillin, and the word "phylactery" is associated with a tefillin through the Greek New Testament. It's noted that subsequent descriptions of the phylactery in Dungeons & Dragons even went as far as to note that the box contained spells written on strips of paper, similar to how a tefillin contains passages of the Torah inside of it.
Because liches are depicted almost universally as evil creatures in Dungeons & Dragons and other fantasy properties (some methods of becoming a lich involve the ritual sacrifice of an infant) and because the phylactery is usually depicted as an evil artifact, some have pointed out that using the word seems problematic. While the word phylactery has historically had other uses than as an item used in Jewish religious practices, at least some game designers have either consciously or unconsciously appropriated the tefillin when describing the item used to hold a lich's soul. Given how much Anti-Semitic imagery and symbolism crops up in fantasy literature either through ignorance or deliberate bigotry, Paizo's move seems reasonable and their new terminology makes a lot of practical sense.
We'll likely hear much more about soul cages, as Paizo plans to release Book of the Dead, a new rulebook covering the undead, next year.
[SOURCE]
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biffhofosho · 3 years
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Succumbing to Sybaris | Prologue
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Fandoms: Monsta X, NCT/WayV, Eric Nam, EXO, 2NE1, Everglow
Genre: 90s, Mystery, Police Procedural, Vampire, Multichapter
Pairing: OT7 x OC
Chapter Word Count: 2.5k
Trope: Enemies to lovers, love/hate, different worlds, reverse harem, hurt/comfort, soulmates and fate
Synopsis: It's 1997 and everything is changing—the clothes, the music, the zeitgeist. With the advent of the internet, people are more accessible than ever, and for the women of Portland, that means more accessible to predators, too. With eight missing girls and a past of her own, Detective Amber Spiros has a hunch the mysterious chat handle chwSUX might be the key to unlocking everything—even her inhibitions.
The Vibe: Monsta X as actual fucking monsters, complicated relationships, working with handsome exes, disruptive patriarchy, problematic villains at their finest, Eric Nam is best friends goals, dark existential themes, love and loss, grief and hope, puppet masters like whaaaat, gratuitous beach scenes, an OC with an unhealthy addiction to danger, mythology everywhere you look, loneliness in spades, halves making a mutl-sided whole
A/N:  THERE ARE ORIGINAL CHARACTERS IN THIS. I DO NOT AND WILL NOT EVER WRITE IN SECOND PERSON POV.
This is your only warning: This is basically an overloaded garbage scow disguised as a classy cruise ship. Don't let it distract you from what it really is—another trashterpiece. It's a lot of reverse harem vampire smut starring Monsta X (and plenty of other cameos) with slightly more plot for balance so I don’t feel so bad about being so filthy. I’m serious—smut of every kind of kink and position is in these pages, and it’s over 100k words already, and it’s not quite finished.
Also, for this chapter only, I went, like, way way way overboard on the custom content. Since I have come to terms with the fact that I am significantly older than probably 85% of any potential reader-base--and, as previously noted, I am pretty far removed from reality--I thought I might bring back to life some of the magic of the early internet for you young’ns as well as set the mood for this piece. 
THIS PROLOGUE CONTAINS GIFS. WATCH UNTIL THE END. As they are meant to be live chats, there are lots of pauses. You know you’ve seen the whole chat when it loops back. If you’re too impatient, this will be up on ao3 under my same name with text only. 
Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn’t pay homage to the song that inspired this entire fic. Listened to it while falling asleep one night, and the next thing I knew, I’d written 20 pages. The Midnight - America Online
Okay, enough blabbering. tl;dr: Gifs. Tons of graphic sex. OT7. 90s, yo. Vampires. More sex.
Cvr | Tr | Pr | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | Ep
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chwSUX: Hi, Honey. A/S/L?
Like the other twenty-two faceless chatters, his handle glowed royal blue, yet she zeroed in on him at once, even with the same question she'd answered at least fifty times in a half-dozen fruitless chatrooms tonight. Now, as she lurked in the Bored room, casting out her ubiquitous “hi!!!”, she hoped for better luck. She couldn’t explain it, but after hours at her keyboard and what would probably be an astronomical bill from her ISP, his name seemed more in-focus than the others.
Her fingers clacked over the keys with perfect rehearsal.
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She clicked on his buddy info, but unlike most of the users in the chat, it was blank. Not even a melodramatic song lyric or inspirational quote to impress the ladies.
She imagined he’d scoped out hers as well, which was probably why he’d taken the bait. The one she was looking for would be looking for someone just like her as well.
Honeymoon79: hey neighbor!!!
chwSUX: Favorite book?
This was new. And promising. No "want 2 cyber?" clogging up the chat space for a change—well, not by him anyway. She glanced at her notebook of ideas and hurried to answer.
Chatting was a game of speed, especially with so many other handles jumping in to answer. The window was already crowding with pretentious responses, all jockeying to impress each other or find a kindred spirit. But her quarry didn’t acknowledge any of them and neither did she.
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He was silent for at least three windows of random chat, which had now devolved into a debate over whether Fight Club or American Psycho was the bigger mindfuck, and she began to suspect she had lost her prospect. With a sigh, she scrolled through the other busy chatrooms in hopes of more fertile poaching grounds when his screen name blazed across the chat window anew.
chwSUX: Favorite movie?
She frowned. It was her turn to ask a question—that was chatroom etiquette—but he was proving he was different and she had to treat him differently.
Another glance at her notebook.
Honeymoon79: idk!!! probably the craft
Honeymoon79: what about u???
chwSUX: Favorite color?
Now, she was hissing in frustration. The guy she was looking for would be interested in her but would also seek her trust. This one seemed determined to dissect her. Or maybe he was fishing for someone specific just as she was. The possibility ended up being too tantalizing, so she promised one more round before she said goodbye to Mr. SUX and swam for more rewarding ponds.
Honeymoon79: yellow
chwSUX: Why?
It was a strange question to a simple answer, especially since he’d ignored the others. There was weight behind those three letters, maybe genuine curiosity or maybe the search for a correct answer. She wasn't prepared for it though, so she let an unrehearsed answer flow through her fingers and hoped it was good enough.
Honeymoon79: it reminds me of the sun. never get enough of that here lol. and its warm and inviting. it makes me forget.
chwSUX: Forget what?
Honeymoon79: everything. u can't b sad looking at yellow
Another long wait for an answer, and she figured she'd either tripped herself up or bored him to death. Maybe it was too depressing of an answer, one a teen who favored three exclamation points and Comic Sans might not give. Either way, she had just blown her best chance all night.
She took a bracing swig of cold black coffee, but that wasn’t what perked her back up.
chwSUX: I like red.
Her heart raced. He was still there, still promising, finally engaging.
Honeymoon79: y?
chwSUX: I think it’s the warmest color.
Her fingers hovered over home row, unsure of how to respond. It was an odd answer, but she could feel he was waiting for her to make a new move.
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Her eyes narrowed and flicked from the soft buzz of the monitor to the ice-cold black beverage in her Central Perk mug. Something rippled down her back.
Honeymoon79: been too hot for coffee. iced tea?
chwSUX: Let me get the door for you, my lady.
Honeymoon79: such a gentleman
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A private message from chwSUX supplanted the chatroom so that her monitor was filled only with him. It wasn’t her first private message of the night, but it was the only one she had wanted to receive.
There was a charm about him, something no one else she’d encountered online seemed to possess. He had an elegance and a confidence to him that made him realer than every other absurd moniker she’d seen that night. Most chatters were attention-seekers desperate for connection or validation, but not him. He could take her or leave her, and the only one who would regret it would be her.
She followed him eagerly into their private room.
There was a tangibility to their exchange, something strangely supernatural about it, as though her shabby office was now a busy coffee shop where the pair of them had tucked themselves into a back booth. She could almost smell him under toasted beans.
Her skin prickled. She shouldn’t care about some stranger’s approval, especially his, but she couldn’t help the way her pulse quickened.
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She found herself laughing into the sad echo of her study.
And that’s how most of their conversation passed, her teasing and him deflecting with sophistication. He asked as many questions as she did but answered only those that he wanted. One hour became two. By hour three, her eyes were burning. She hadn’t blinked much; it was hard to tear her eyes away from his stupid name.
Everything he said surprised her. He traveled for a living. He’d been to Papua New Guinea and Iceland and the Maldives and other places she’d only heard of on the news or in social studies. He spoke a half-dozen languages and understood a half-dozen more. He had brothers—a lot from the sounds of it, though he didn’t say how many—and no sisters.
He always knew the right word and how to drip elegance from every line, and she found herself picturing the mouth that would say such things. Pink lips, white teeth, and soft curves and corners to manipulate the delicate sounds of any language he desired. In actuality, he was probably a fifty-year-old janitor with a boil the size of a golf ball on his neck and half a hard-on right now, but, as stupid as it was, she didn’t want to believe that. She wanted to believe he was typing in a suit, legs crossed, with a decanter of bourbon breathing at the corner of his mahogany desk. That was dangerous.
She wanted to believe him, and she was no doubt not the first.
He was slow and deliberate and very, very good at making her open up for him. She said things she shouldn’t have. He had a way of circumventing her precautions before she even knew it happened, and she had been careful. His questions came like the tides, and when they receded, her fortress was ruined.
There was an intensity to this faceless man that she couldn’t remember from any of her many real first dates and certainly none of the perverts online tonight. This was exactly the sort of man she’d been hunting all night, and yet, somehow, he remained just out of reach.
They had passed through the heart of night so effortlessly that she hadn’t felt the oncoming creep of dawn, but as her eyes slid to the blocky gray clock in the corner of her monitor, she knew she was running out of time to reel him in. Problem was every time she tried to steer the conversation to where she needed it to go, he would override her with a distraction of some kind. Now, she had no choice but to press the issue.
Honeymoon79: okay chw i really gotta go for real. i have class in a couple hours and i’m gonna fall asleep at my desk!!1 i’ll be on tomorrow night again if you want to chat
chwSUX: Describe your perfect day, Honey.
Damn him. He was controlling the narrative again. She should ignore him like he ignored her, sign off and leave him wondering what he’d done wrong. In a show of defiance, her cursor hovered over the red X in the corner. Maybe he’d look for her tomorrow in the chatrooms and beg her to let him make it up to her.
But she knew in her heart that wasn’t what would happen. He would disappear into the dark waters of cyberspace, leaving only a ripple as a tease that he had ever been there.
That left his challenge burning crimson on her screen. It was another question she hadn't anticipated, but something inside her told her this was it. If she passed this test, she could bend him to her will, but she had no idea what he wanted to hear. With no other choice, she closed her eyes and let the answer come to her.
Honeymoon79: i wake up halfway thru the day bc nothing interesting ever happens in the morning anyway. its been gray and rainy all morning, perfect for sleeping and keeping people away. when i finally get up i eat something ridiculous for breakfast like cake bc no one is gonna judge me today
Honeymoon79: the clouds are gone, but its to late for anybody to go out accept for me. i drive until i get to tillamook where i watch the sunset thru the trees. the sky is still peachy when i leave. by the time i get to seaside, all the stars are out and the tourists have gone home. the tide is low and i walk out as far as i can until the water hits my toes. i strip and swim out until its just mountains and black water and sky. i float there until my limbs get so cold i'm not sure i can make it back, but i do and i stand there drying in the breeze and i've never been happier
Finished, she sat back exhausted and almost out of breath. How much of what she had written was her character and how much was her? Teenage typos aside, it had come out so naturally that she wasn’t sure. She’d never thought about it before, but as she read back through, it didn’t feel like a lie.
Three minutes passed and, still, he said nothing. She ground her teeth. It was time to play hard ball.
Honeymoon79: i really gotta go
Honeymoon79: nice chatting w/ u chw ::waves::
His response was almost instantaneous.
chwSUX: Let’s meet.
In the quiet of her study, she could hear her short, eager breaths, but it was her turn to make him wait.
chwSUX: I know this is sudden, and you can let me know if I’m overreaching, but if you're open to it, I'd love to meet you, Honey, to continue our conversation in person.
chwSUX: There's never anybody from Portland on here, but beyond that, I feel a connection to you. Don’t you feel it, too?
She let it hang for a long moment. She had to make him believe she hadn't already made up her mind.
Honeymoon79: idk i mean you could be jack the ripper for all I no
chwSUX: And you could be Rodrigo, my 250lb gardener, but I think you're worth a little risk.
She held back her response in hopes he would press more firmly, and he didn’t disappoint.
chwSUX: It's thrilling, isn't it? The possibility that letters on a screen could be anyone in the world. I don't feel much excitement anymore, but the possibility of you, Honey, that's exciting me more than I can explain.
“The possibility of you,” she read aloud to her empty office.
He was good and he was right. The possibility of chw was exactly the sort of thrill she was looking for. There was a sharpness to his words as exhilarating as a cliffside overlook and as dangerous as one step nearer to its edge, but she still wasn't ready to give in.
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His pager number glowed like dried blood on the screen, and she hurried to write it down, not that she could forget. It had already been burned into her memory.
chwSUX: I’ll be waiting.
“You better be, asshole,” she hissed before she signed off and her real work began.
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