#not that these two don't have pretty stark differences between them but I do find the baseline similarities entertaining

[txintedhope]

Let it be known I came into Hi3rd around 2019 or so and I've had Saul in her current iteration since like 2017 so this is just like a wild coincidence for me

#untainted thoughts(ooc) #not that these two don't have pretty stark differences between them but I do find the baseline similarities entertaining

[lostalioth]

𝐛𝐢𝐠 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬

→ premise: you were just so pretty and so much smaller than your boys how could they not love it? though they’ve seemed to take notice of just how much you love it

→ pairing: steve rogers x fem!reader x bucky barnes

→ warnings: smut | 18+, size kink [reader is described as smaller/weaker in the sense of them being super soliders and stronger more muscles etc.][im also not that good at writing size kink so just squint a bit], body worship, dumbification, nicknames [little one, dumb baby, baby], oral [f receiving], creampie [only 1 i was gonna have them both do it but]

→ a/n: 01 kinktober

It was very hard for your boys to keep their hands to themselves around you, they were both very possessive after all but they knew you loved it. They noticed the way your thighs clenched when they stood tall behind you, presence big and looming as their large hands both snake around each side of your waist. Their stares and presence are enough to make the guy talking to you back off. They hear the small lustful gasp that leaves your lips when one of them manhandles you picking you up to place you out of their way. They were more in tune and hyper aware of every motion and sound you made than you'd like sometimes. They could catch on to things you like before even you could. Such as that you really really enjoyed just how much bigger and stronger they were than you.

It had been a couple days of a long mission where the three of you simply didn't have the time or space for many intimate moments, that was until you finally got back home. You're in the middle of a conversation with Sam before suddenly you're swept off your feet by Steve.

With a short startled scream you're thrown over one of his broad shoulders. “Hey i was in the middle of a conversation, you know” you whine and ignore the ache that begins to settle in your core at the action. You smack Steve's muscular back in an attempt of telling him to let you go, with the one hand that was holding your waist still he lets go quickly to smack your ass. You squeal and shut your mouth fast as arousal replaces all confusion and frustration. Steve's other hand that's gripping the back of your thigh squeezes a bit harder around the plush skin. You watch Bucky not far behind you two as Steve carries you to our shared bedroom. A small but seductive and taunting grin plastered across the brunette's face. He watches with amusement as your eyes glaze over, practically seeing you begin to sink into sub space already.

“Wish you could see her face rn, shes turning into our dumb little baby already thinking of all the things we’ll do to her” Bucky's deep voice breaks you for your train of thought before you sink right back away and the rest is a blur until your sat on your large soft king size bed, ass nestled into steves lap and your facing bucky whos sat in front of you.

“We missed your body little one” Steve whispers, coming out desperate and soft, breath hot the back of your neck as Bucky tucks a piece of hair behind your ear and resting his big calloused hand on your face. “Your perfect little body is all we ever need baby” Bucks voice is a stark difference to the blondes as his comes out husky and deep. You gasp as bucky's cold metal fingers find their way under your shirt inching towards your bare chest.

You couldn't be bothered to put a bra on for the long and uncomfortable trip home and you've never been more grateful for one of your decisions til this moment. His thumb brushes across your already hardening nipple at the same time that Steve begins leaving sloppy kisses on the back of your neck making his way to that sweet spot behind your ear. Your breath hitches in your throat as you squeeze your thighs together but steves warm hand slides between them spreading them apart. You whimper softly at the strength.

“We wanna worship that pussy baby don't hide it little one” Steve mumbles against your neck as he starts to unbutton your pants with one hand and push them down with your panties.

The boys move fast to discard the rest of your clothes as well as their own and their lips are back all over your body, kissing, marking, licking every inch of skin that they can.

You're now propped up against the headboard, a pillow behind your back and one under your hips. Bucky has one leg pinned and Steve has the other so your legs are spread, throbbing cunt on full display for them. Their strength while forcing your legs open causes your arousal to leak down your pussy and ass soaking the pillow under you as you squirm a bit in impatience.

“Look at our pretty little dumb baby Buck so needy, you want our mouths baby?” Steve asks in a soft yet taunting voice that has your head going hazy again. You nod yes eagerly and whine as the blonde and brunette hovered their mouths over where you needed them most. A small chuckle leaves Bucky's lips before he is quick to slide two of his thick warm fingers through your slick, spreading it over your puffy folds. The small gasp leaving your parted lips turning into a louder one the second his fingers slip inside you and are fast to find that spot only your boys could. Steve, not far behind Bucky in action, leans closer and starts to slowly flick your clit with his tongue, teasing you by slowly licking shapes over your aching clit. Your thighs twitch and on instinct your legs attempt to shut from the overwhelming pleasure, the pressure building embarrassingly fast in the pit of your stomach.

“You gonna cum already little one? Keep these fucking legs open and cum on Bucks fingers, come on dumb baby” Steve groans against your pussy as he moves his attention back to your clit, sucking it sloppy and hard. Steve's hands grip your inner thighs hard and push your legs away from his head and Bucky pins one knee down to the bed with his free hand. “Cum on my fingers baby then you can get filled with our cocks you miss that dont ya’ little one” Bucky chuckled and watched as you squirm and whine when he starts slowly and teasing stroking his hard cock giving you the perfect view.

With a gasp and fingers threading through Steve's dirty blonde hair and pulling you cum hard on Bucky's fingers. You feel Steve smile against your clit as your chest rises and falls, catching your breath.

Bucky having other plans however the minute Steve pulls away from your clit is smacking his red leaking tip against your abused bud and slamming inside you. Your eyes glaze over and their voices fade as pleasure and overstimulation take over your body. A wanton moan fills the boy's ears causing them to smile as Bucky's thrusts are hard and fast. He's been pent up for days and your walls clenching around his thick cock is a heavenly feeling he desperately missed.

Your eyes fall shut but snapback open fast when Steve is gripping your cheeks squeezing them lightly, you whine, his rough hand making your face seem so small. “Eyes on us baby got it? Look at Buck as he fucks this gorgeous cunt yeah?” He questions and smacks your clit before you can answer, making you clench down harder on buck. “Yes! Mhm mhm!” You nod and hum in response, not being able to form enough words.

The brunette groaning loud and grabbing your hips hard to plow into you even harder. He was so big it was easy for him to manipulate you. “Fuck you’re already gonna make me come little one” his head falls back as he lets pleasure wash over him. He thrusts one last time filling you to the hilt as thick hot ropes of cum fill you up. Your mind goes blank again and before you can register their voices again, Steve's hands are grabbing onto your hips and lifting you into his lap.

“Shes already so fucked out aww well too bad baby i need to be inside you so fuckin’ bad missed it just as much as buck did” Steves voice is ringing in your ears but before you can form an answer he is lfting you up again to slide down onto his cock. “Ah! Fuck steve” you whine and yet still press your hips down to take him inside. “Look at you trying to complain baby you love it when we manhandle you, didn't think we noticed huh?” Bucky taunts and grabs a fist full of your hair to pull your head back so he can kiss you hungrily. You kiss back passionatly with a goofy smile on your face that fades into a lust filled one once steve starts to fuck up into you, hands still grabbing onto your now probaly bruised hips.

You moan against Bucky's lips, head hazy but happy thinking of how well they will take care of you after this. They may manhandle you and be much stronger than you but they could be big teddy bears when it came to aftercare.

→ a/n: this is only my second time writing stucky so i hope its as good as my first one that everyone loved but :) also this was meant to go up yesterday im not doing 31 days im doing 18 im posting a fic every saturday, sunday, tuesday, and thursday but i got busy yesterday and this wasnt proof read too well so im sorry and i rushed the ending to get it out td.

#lostalioth kinktober #kinktober day 1 #smut #fem!reader #steve rogers #bucky barnes #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #stucky x fem!reader #stucky x you #stucky smut #stucky x reader #steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes #bucky barnes smut #steve rogers smut #kinktober prompts #blurb #bucky barns fanfiction #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers drabble #bucky drabble #stucky fanfiction #stucky x female reader #stucky #stucky imagine #stucky oneshot

[thearchvillain]

gardenias. | nikolai

part I

nikolai lantsov x reader

summary: the setting is a grand event hosted at os alta with the intention of finding a future queen for crown prince vasily. the reader is a merchant's daughter trying to keep a low profile after her parents had dragged her there (against her will) with the hopes that she might catch the prince's attention. she, on the other hand, has different plans. plans that get entirely upheaved by none other than the younger prince nikolai who interrupts her illicit late-night meeting in the winter garden. now she's caught attention of one of the two people whose scrutiny she'd been trying so hard to avoid for the last few days of the event and she's not entirely sure she actually minds it.

preview: Irritated, she spun around and came up so close she could feel the wool of his uniform brush against her bodice as she glared up at him. "What now?"  "Now I'm thinking I should escort you to your room, just to make sure you don't accidentally commit some act of treason on your way to it." "Is that what you think? That I'm planning some grand act of treason with Zaitsev?" "You do have that look about you. A bit insolent, a bit treasonous."  She twisted her wrist in his hand as if to draw attention to it, jutting her chin out defiantly as she looked up at him. When she spoke she did her best to sound as smug and irritating as he did. "You like that, don't you?" He made a soft tutting sound, looking deeply amused. "I do like you. That doesn't mean I trust you."  "That's--" she stuttered, torn between irritation and being caught off-guard by the matter-of-factness colouring his voice, "That's not what I meant."  "You're blushing again."

word count: 5k (i know. don't @ me)

tropes/warnings: not cannon, vasily's still alive, nikolai's kinda suspicious that y/n is about to commit some kind of treason and it's reflected in the way he acts, there is tension and innuendos though sljdf, y/n does get a bit upset/frustrated at one point, nikolai does apologise but does not back down from his plan to uncover her secrets bc where would the fun be in that, there is physical touch

a/n: i'm not going to lie to you, this is absolutely going to be a multi-part. i'm enjoying writing nikolai being a teasing menace far too much not to explore it further, and i think nikolai would be far too curious and fascinated by y/n to just let it go (and a bit worried about what she's up to). note that while this is their first time meeting there's still a lot of tension that will only continue to grow, so i hope you enjoy it!

The air inside the palace winter garden was laden with the scent of jasmine. There was an oppressiveness to it that stood in stark contrast with the fresh night air she'd come in from, leaving her heady and wondering if she might suffocate from it by the time the lieutenant arrived. That would be quite the sight - a page ripped out of a book of fairytales and brought to life, a pretty young thing laid peacefully amongst the blossoming flowers, caught in the last moment before the colour had drained out of her cheeks. She would lay out her arm like so, blue petals spilling out of her still fingers and... Ghezen. This place had a way of bringing out the morbid in her. Must be something about all the death imagery she'd sifted through earlier that day in the royal library - Ravkan stories certainly had a proclivity for martyred girls and their lovely, tragic endings. It did nothing but fortify her belief that breaking into the winter garden and hiding out had been a good idea. Y/N had no interest in actually experiencing martyrdom or tragic endings, thank you very much.

That is if one ignored the fact she was tempting fate by agreeing to an illicit meeting with a man her parents had most definitely not had in mind when they'd dragged her all the way to Ravka with them. A man who was distinctly late to said meeting. Y/N twisted the leaf she'd plucked from one of the bushes, her fingers sticky from where she'd crushed it and unsteady with the nervous sort of energy that accompanied late nights and ill-advised impulses. She'd already stood up and sat back down several times when the sound of a door opening interrupted her mid-movement and she slipped behind one of the stone columns that obscured her from view. The silence stretched for a long moment before the door clicked closed once more. The stone roses of the column were biting into the skin between Y/N's shoulderblades where she pressed herself against it as if she might blend into it by the sheer force of will. Another stretch of silence before the sound of a key turning in the lock made her start, her chest tightening. Silence. Whoever was there must've just noticed the door was left unlocked and decided to close it. Good. Y/N fingered the silver hairpin she'd used to break into the garden before pushing herself away from the column and slipping towards the glass door that led onto the palace grounds. She didn't want to risk anyone seeing her going back through the door that had just been locked.

"What's the rush?" A voice came from somewhere behind her. "You're missing all the flowers. Or is the collection not exotic enough for the refined tastes of a merchling princess?" 

Y/N halted mid-step, her shoulders drawn taut as she went very, very still. This was not the lieutenant's voice - it was just a bit too silvery, too playful, too... refined in its accent. Not a native speaker, but a very well-educated one. 

"I... the smell - it's overpowering." 

A soft chuckle. "Perhaps the lady would find it less offensive if she came to visit the gardens during the day." There was a slight pause. She swore she could almost hear him smirk in the way his voice trailed off. "As most people do."

She still had her back turned to him, her head tipped slightly back to look up towards the glass ceiling as if she expected to find a solution or at least strength to deal with this up there. "You are here too, are you not?" 

"Touche." He moved then, his steps loud against the marble floor but slow and languid, as if he were a predator stalking a fear-frozen doe in some rather exotic forest. He was much closer when he spoke this time. "But I like the smell. It's jasmine. Night-blooming jasmine to be specific. My mother's favourite." 

Y/N did not see what was the relevance of his confession but she assumed he might be slightly more compliant with the whole keeping quiet about this business if she played along. "Does she garden?"

This made him laugh. It was a nice sort of laugh - the kind that belonged to someone intimately familiar with the sound, whose mouth had been made for laughing and who found her question infinitely amusing. "Saints, no. That would be quite the sight though - my mother with dirt-stained hands, taking care of a living thing."

Y/N did not respond. This sounded like a confession too, one she was not privy to. She felt like she was missing a puzzle piece. He waited in silence for a moment, and when she didn't answer she heard the rustle of fabric as he must have leaned against the column behind her. "Are you not going to turn around?" 

"I was escaping, remember? It would be silly to show my face now when I still have a chance of getting away."

He made a noncommittal sound. "I didn't realise you were fleeing. Women don't tend to run away from me very often. How... thrilling." 

Y/N almost snorted at this display of ego. She resigned herself to a sort of small, vague sound that could be left up to interpretation. "Are you going to stop me?" 

"Would you like me to?" His voice had gone low and goading, but he never moved from his spot. It had occurred to her that it might be advisable to be more nervous about this strange man standing behind her, but this felt more like a game than a threat and Y/N couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corners of her lips. 

"A thrilling proposition, but one I will have to refuse. Allegedly I'm a sensible creature, and none of this sounds very sensible."

"Neither does meeting Lieutenant Zaitsev in a winter garden at three in the morning, but here we are. Minus Zaitsev, unfortunately." He said unfortunately in a way people did when they found nothing unfortunate about a situation at all. 

Y/N spun around, suddenly very aware of the sound of rushing blood and her own quickened heartbeat that rang in her ears. Prince Nikolai looked as pleased by this reaction as she imagined a cat would as it dug its claws into some poor, unsuspecting thing or got a big plate of full-fat cream. At least now the gardening thing made complete sense. 

He was in his full regalia, as polished as he'd been when she'd seen him earlier this evening, all shiny medals and sharp lines and the sort of lazy indifference that came with inherited importance and disarming good looks. She'd half expected the illusion of grandeur to disappear once she saw him up close, but the prince remained as impeccable as he'd been from afar, almost to an irritating degree. Y/N lowered her eyes. 

"My apologies, your Highness. I didn't recognise your voice."

"How could you? We've never had the pleasure of speaking to each other." Y/N thought she might have been imagining the subtle note of accusation in his voice. He tipped his head to the side, eyes fixed on Y/N with the sort of intense curiosity that she could feel burning against her skin. "Don't apologise. I've had enough of performative politeness to last me a year."

Y/N raised an eyebrow at that, her eyes flitting up to his face for a brief moment of offence. "Are you implying my apology is performative?" 

Nikolai caught her eyes and smiled at that. She had been right - he had the sort of mouth that lent itself to charming, easy smiles and was hard to look away from. "You don't seem the type to be sorry about any of this. Except maybe getting caught."

Y/N didn't deign answer that, there was no point in pretending when he hardly appeared open to changing his mind if the knowing smirk on his lips was anything to go by. She took a slight step backwards when he pushed himself away from the column and moved towards her. He side-stepped her, though there was still an undue amount of proximity between them as he passed by her side, eyes trailing along her features before he focused on something behind her. 

"You know who I am, don't you?" she asked. He'd called her a merchling princess, he'd known exactly why she was here and who she'd intended to meet. Something was unsettling about the casual way in which he considered her question as if he were toying with her the same way he was toying with the leaves of some unnamed bush he'd stopped to observe. 

He was quiet for a while, the only sound a low chuckle that rumbled in his chest as he plucked a pretty, pink flower from its stem. "It's in my job description," he said simply as if that might explain the overabundance of information on her. 

"Is it? I've heard princes have people for that. To whisper over your shoulder whenever they see someone coming your way."

A laugh this time. "You're not wrong, but I find those quite overbearing and tough to get rid of when one wishes to slip away unnoticed. I'm sure you can relate." 

She hummed in response, eyes narrowed. "Where's the lieutenant?"

"Am I boring you that much? You wound me, Miss Braam." 

Y/N barely held back a frustrated sound that she felt building in her chest. He was infuriating on purpose, she was sure. She'd seen him interact with people tonight and he went about it with such elegance and ease that there was no doubt Nikolai Lantsov had a way with both words and people. 

"I would do no such thing. You're a delight," she said dryly. And it wasn't a lie - Nikolai did seem delightful in a precarious sort of way, but Y/N felt far too on edge to appreciate it. "He promised..."

Nikolai interrupted her, one gloved hand raised as if he were placating a startled wild animal. "I sent him away," he said, turning to face her, "I must say, if I were in his place and meeting you in such a lovely place at a such late hour I would've personally put up much more of a fight. Alas, he obeyed - so you're stuck with me instead." 

Y/N felt the frustration rising, choking out the words in her throat even as she pushed it down to try and appear forlorn rather than annoyed. "Oh," was all she said, turning her face away so that the shadowy darkness offered some cover. 

She saw him shift in the periphery of her vision and then there were fingers on the edges of her jaw, the material soft and runny against her skin. Not cotton, silk. Of course it would be silk. She didn't fight him as he guided her chin so that she was looking at him once again, determined to appear deeply hurt by Zaitsev's abandonment rather than irritated by the fact she would now have to come up with another plan to get the materials from him. Nikolai's eyes trailed along her face as if he were drinking her in, so gentle and sympathetic she almost believed it. Almost.

"As lovely as you look in all your teary-eyed, heartbroken glory," Nikolai said, sounding amused, "I sincerely doubt you are anything of the sort. It's that Ketterdam blood in your veins. Pragmatism above all else, no?"

She tried to free her chin from his fingers, but as she did the grip suddenly became less gentle, holding her firmly in place. He smiled when he saw the flash of irritation cross her features. 

"That's more like it." He sounded almost satisfied to see the facade crack, amused by her reaction. What in Ghezen's name was his problem? 

She jerked her chin against his grip in a display of defiance before staring him down. "And is pragmatism an unfamiliar concept here in Ravka? Quit playing, your Highness. We could've been done with this much quicker if you'd just asked your questions at the start."

He only hummed in response, still looking at her as if he were observing a particularly riveting piece of art, one that might reveal some secret symbolism hiding beneath the surface. "Maybe I didn't want it to be quick?"

"I also sincerely doubt that." 

He chuckled and Y/N felt his warm breath brush against her flushed cheeks. His grip had loosened, but she still felt the warmth of his fingers seeping into her skin. "Why? You're a curious thing. Brought here to be paraded about for the Court in hopes of securing a fruitful marriage, no? But then you very adamantly avoid both my brother and me. It's a bit strange... I suppose I wanted to take my time with you."

"Maybe that was the ploy all along, the whole avoidance thing. It got you curious, didn't it?" She leaned into his touch very intentionally then, overly aware of the way he shifted them to accommodate her, her eyebrow raised in an attempt at mirroring his playfulness.

"I admire your talent for improvisation, Miss Braam. Really, it's quite charming..."

"But...?" She'd sensed he was going in that direction and interrupted him before he could say it. Nikolai chuckled. 

"But, I'm not buying it. It would've been far too risky of a plan. And unless you are more arrogant than I am - which I doubt - I don't think you expected or wanted anyone to come looking. Aside from Zaitsev, of course."

Y/N sneered at him then, finally irritated enough that she reached up to grab his wrist and pull his hand away from her jaw. The wool of his uniform was rough beneath her fingers, golden buttons digging into her palm where she gripped it. She hated how aware of him she was as she let go. Nikolai let her, grinning delightedly at this sudden display of insolence. 

"Not particularly gentle. I like that."

"Stop pretending to flirt with me, your Highness." Because that's what it was - make-believe. She thought she could see something more sinister lurking beneath it. If he didn't believe her she was meeting Zaitsev for a moonlight tryst between two lovers - which in all fairness was an entirely correct assumption - then he must've thought she had more insidious intentions. So why wasn't he dragging her back to the party, demanding answers? Perhaps making a spectacle of it was his way of intimidation, it certainly fit the aura of aloof confidence he was displaying.

"Who says I'm pretending?"

She shot him a dry look in lieu of an answer. "If you're not going to ask what my real reason was for meeting Zaistev then I'm going to ask how in Ghezen's name did you know we were meeting in the first place?" 

He watched her for a moment, head bent to look down at her and a smirk playing on his lips, then he turned and went around her to stroll between the lush flowers. She watched the moonlight glint off the golden details of his uniform, his hands clasped behind his back, something languorous and insolent about the way he moved. "Now, that would be telling," he said, "And I like to keep an air of mystery about me. It adds to the charm I think." 

"Fine. Why care to find out about it at all?" 

He halted for a second as if considering his answer. "I told you. You never bothered to introduce yourself, and the whole charade has been going on for three nights and days now. I was already suspicious on the second day as to what exactly you were doing here."

Realising they weren't going anywhere any time soon Y/N made her way over to the fountain, the soft rush of water behind her back soothing her nerves as she sat down. "So your explanation is that your ego made you do it?"

"My ego makes me do a lot of things, Miss Braam. A character fault, I know, but no one's perfect." He didn't sound sorry about it at all. 

"I have a perfectly sensible explanation for that, if you'd like to hear it?"

He was picking apart another flower, like a gardener's worst nightmare when he looked back towards her and smirked. "Another one? Are we dropping the playing hard-to-get ploy?"

Y/N ignored the jab, leaning back on her hands and tilting her head as she watched him lean in to smell some unremarkable bush. "My parents are tentatively hopeful, but I know better..."

"Of course you do."

"Would you stop that, you menace." 

Nikolai started laughing and Y/N realised that all the other times he'd laughed or chuckled at her words it had been only a good mimicry of amusement. This was the real thing. She snorted and looked up towards the glass ceiling in faux exasperation, hiding her smile.

"Anyway. It's the crown prince's hand in marriage that's on the table, right? You said it yourself - us merchling princesses are a pragmatic bunch. As nice as it sounds, I'm no royalty, so why waste my breath? Your kingdom needs political alliances, not money. Nothing's going to come of it." She shrugged. "And if I'm debasing myself like I'm a dairy cow on a cattle fair, I'd prefer not to do it in vain. I too have an ego, you know."

When she dropped her head back down she realised Nikolai was watching her from where he stood, head tipped to the side, his fingers absentmindedly plucking the petals off a rose he was holding. He seemed to be considering saying something but decided against it. 

"From what I've been told, your father is a very rich man," he said eventually, "And I find that sort of thing makes a woman rather attractive. Political alliances can be bought, you know." 

"Is that why you keep not-pretending to flirt? Does my father's money make me so irresistible?"

"Well that, and the insolence." He smirked. "But mostly insolence. Us Ravkans, we're just not as pragmatic." 

Y/N rolled her eyes, though without malice. "I can tell." She sighed, watching her fingers where they dipped into the cold water. "And besides, I'm not too keen on being shipped off to a foreign kingdom. Much to my mother's dismay."

"Not even for a crown?"

Her gaze shifted back to Nikolai who was now strolling over to her, appearing genuinely curious this time. He looked like something out of a children's book, like he might be the one to discover the fair, dead girl she'd imagined in a field of flowers and mourn over her body, impressive even in tragedy. She supposed she understood why all the girls when they were done with Vasily swarmed to try and get Nikolai's attention instead.

"I have no interest in crowns. They seem heavy."

He stopped a few paces away, watching her for a moment before a small, knowing smile bloomed across his lips. "What is it that interests you then?"

Y/N was glad he'd asked if only so she could grin insolently at him and repeat what he'd said to her before, "Now, that would be telling, your Highness. And I like to keep an air of mystery about myself too." 

He was standing over her now, looking down at where she was sprawled back on the cold stone of the fountain, a playful glint in his eyes. "Fair. I suppose I should've seen that one coming from a mile away."

"You really should have." She agreed with amusement, head tipped back to look up at him. For a moment they stared at each other, him standing so close she could feel the fabric of his pants brush against her knee, and her leaning back on her hands, aware that she could but didn't want to shift away. She'd almost forgotten she was supposed to be rather annoyed about her failed meeting and when the thought appeared uninvited at the forefront of her mind she couldn't help breaking eye contact and looking at the dark corners of the winter garden behind Nikolai. 

"Why were you meeting him?" he asked then, his voice more serious than it had ever been since they started talking. Y/N didn't look at him right away, worrying at her lip as she thought about what she would say. Playful avoidance didn't seem like a good choice here, but neither did the truth, at least not the whole truth. 

She sighed. "He has something I want." 

When she pulled herself up to stand Nikolai shifted slightly to the side so that he was right by her side, not really blocking her path but close enough to stop her if he decided to. He was close enough that she could feel the heat radiating off his body. 

Y/N looked up at him, a determined look in her eyes. "I'm not telling." 

Nikolai raised an eyebrow. "I assume you can see how that might seem rather worrisome to me."

Y/N dipped her chin in a small nod of acknowledgement. 

"And I also assume you know I won't just let it go."

"You? Unrelenting? I never would've guessed." 

He smiled at that, though it was a bit strained. "I could drag you back to your parents now. Demand an explanation." 

Y/N appeared to consider his words for a moment. "Yes. I suppose you could." She dropped her eyes down to his hands where he had them shoved into the pockets of his uniform. Her skin remembered the grip he'd had on her chin earlier that evening, prickling at the thought of those silk gloves wrapped around her arm. Was this fear she felt in the pit of her stomach? 

Nikolai must have noticed because he followed her gaze down and let out a soft chuckle when he saw the prickled skin on her bare arms and the uncertain look on her face. "I didn't mean it literally. Though I could, if that's your preference?"

Y/N felt the blood rush to her face, hot and burning, certain the blush was already spreading from her chest up to her neck. She closed her eyes and let out a frustrated breath. Collect yourself, you frivolous fool. "You just can't help yourself, can you?" she said, voice biting. 

Nikolai chuckled. She couldn't see him with her eyes shut, but she could imagine he was looking at her, thoroughly amused. "I can, I just don't want to. I was wondering how much it would take to make you blush." 

She opened her eyes to glare at him. "Satisfied?"

"Very much so." 

"Great, now that we've pleased you, let's get this over with. -- I am warning you though, my mother is prone to fainting when startled." 

She tried to side-step him to head for the door, assuming he'd follow her, but Nikolai deftly held out his hand to catch her wrist and pull her back to where she had been standing. There was no harshness to it, he was careful not to grip too hard or pull too strongly, but Y/N still gasped when she felt stopped in her path. 

Irritated, she spun around and came up so close she could feel the wool of his uniform brush against her bodice as she glared up at him. "What now?" 

"Now I'm thinking I should escort you to your room, just to make sure you don't accidentally commit some act of treason on your way to it."

"Is that what you think? That I'm planning some grand act of treason with Zaitsev?"

"You do have that look about you. A bit insolent, a bit treasonous." 

She twisted her wrist in his hand as if to draw attention to it, jutting her chin out defiantly as she looked up at him. When she spoke she did her best to sound as smug and irritating as he did. "You like that, don't you?"

He made a soft tutting sound, looking deeply amused. "I do like you. That doesn't mean I trust you." 

"That's--" she stuttered, torn between irritation and being caught off-guard by the matter-of-factness colouring his voice, "That's not what I meant." 

"You're blushing again."

She reached up to smack him on his arm with her free hand. For a moment he looked genuinely caught off guard and Y/N couldn't help the smug self-satisfaction that swelled in her chest at the startled look he gave her. She just hit a prince. A real, very gilded, very irritating prince. 

"You are the most infuriating man I have ever had the displeasure of meeting." Her chest rose and fell on quickened breath and she could hear her pulse thrumming against her ribcage like some caged bird startled by the way her voice rose in irritation. 

Then Nikolai started laughing and it was Y/N's turn to look alarmed by the display. She stared at him as he tried to collect himself several times, running his hand through his hair and leaving it charmingly tousled as he tipped his head back and took a deep breath to calm himself. 

"Like I said. You do have a tendency for treason - like hitting a prince." 

"I barely touched you, and you had it coming," she said, then shook her head and looked up above his head, "Sorry. I lost my temper." 

"No, no - it's fine. I did have it coming." 

She felt his thumb brush against the inner side of her wrist, suddenly aware that he'd never let go of it. His fingers stilled for a moment before he spoke, "Breathe. Your heart's beating like you just outran a bear. I'm not going to tell anyone about tonight." 

She did not think anything good would come of admitting the current state of her pulse had very little to do with the fear of her parents and everything to do with the way every sense in her body was heightened by his proximity. She hardly wanted to admit that silly reaction of her body to herself, much less him. She let out a shaky breath. "Okay." 

"Okay?" He was watching her when she opened her eyes again. "Do you want to go back to your parents or your room?"

She stared at him for a moment, uncertain. Had she really appeared distressed enough for him to so suddenly switch gears? She searched his face for anything suspicious as if she half-expected this sudden calmness in his voice to be a trap. 

"I'm suspicious. Not cruel," he said when she failed to answer. She felt him release her wrist as if finally satisfied enough with her pulse going down to let go. "I crossed the line and upset you. It wasn't my intention."

"Wasn't it?" There was an accusation in her voice, one she didn't realise was there until it slipped out without her permission. When had they switched roles of the accuser and the accused?

Nikolai looked away, looking almost repentant. "I don't know. I got carried away - I guess I didn't expect you to be... like that." 

She wasn't sure what like that meant and was half-afraid of asking. Maybe he'd say something ridiculous and then she'd be blushing again. No, that was a ridiculous thought. This entire exchange was ridiculous. She almost expected to wake up tomorrow and fully believe it was a fever dream. 

"So what I just... leave now? No consequences?" she said, sounding deeply doubtful. 

"Yes and no. I said I wouldn't tell." He finally looked back at her, his gaze scouring her face. "I didn't say I wouldn't keep trying to find out what you're hiding." 

"It's nothing bad if that's what you're worried about." 

"You've tried to lie to me several times tonight. Do you expect me to just believe you?" 

He did have a point there. Y/N pursed her lips. "What then?"

Nikolai seemed to consider her then. Under scrutiny, Y/N suddenly became very aware of their proximity, which in all fairness had been entirely her fault. She stepped away uneasily, worrying at her lip. Ghezen, he really was deeply infuriating, for more than one reason. 

"You'll see tomorrow."

Y/N's head shot up. "Tomorrow?"

"Save me a dance."

She was certain she looked like there were rusted cogs inside her head grinding against each other as she tried to process his words. There was clearly a double meaning in there, there always seemed to be with him, but it wasn't immediately obvious to her. 

Nikolai smirked as he watched her work it out. "Don't overheat that pretty little head of yours. I like the way it works." 

She made a face at him. "Why would you... oh."

"Oh," he repeated, smug. 

Save me a dance. It was a threat, not a request. He would approach her tomorrow in the middle of the after-dinner ball, in front of everyone. She would know it was for show, but to everyone else, it would appear as if he'd singled her out and shown her his favour. Out of the blue at that. 

She shot him a dirty look. "That's low."

"I don't consider myself a particularly immoral person, but I will do what I have to."

She would find herself dragged out of her carefully-crafted obscurity and thrust under scrutiny. Her parents would be delighted, no doubt, a welcome reprieve from the frustration her disobedience was causing them currently. She couldn't think of a worse thing. 

"Unless, of course, you decide to tell me about it beforehand." At some point, he'd strolled away from her and plucked another one of those poor flowers. "I'll still ask, of course, but more subtly." 

She stared at him, disbelieving. Did he just threaten her and then proceed to imply he'd still ask her to dance with him?

She let out a frustrated sigh. "Very well, we can play that game. I will warn you though, I tend to bite when cornered."

"I was hoping you would."

"You... you are just the worst," she said, irritation colouring her voice higher than normal, before turning around to head for the door. In the smallest, most meagre act of defiance, she decided not to tell him goodnight and instead storm out without a word. 

He was not having it. "Y/N?"

She produced some indeterminate sound of frustration. "What now, your Highness?" 

"Call me Nikolai."

"I will not." 

A chuckle. Then the sound of his steps as he approached her from the back. "I do wish we'd met on some less... dramatic terms. Honestly." 

She couldn't ignore him when he went around her to stand in her field of vision, but she did shoot him a dirty look. There was a flower in his hands now, so delicate and white that it almost blended into the whiteness of his gloves, only the leaves visible in the darkness. He hadn't yet dismembered this one. 

"Since you don't like the smell of jasmine," he said, as if that explained everything, and held it out to her.

Y/N considered not taking it, but curiosity got the better of her and she reached out her hand tentatively to pluck the flower from his fingers. "What is it?"

"Gardenia. A personal favourite, at least scent-wise." He stared at the flower in her hand for a moment, then smiled. "Goodnight, Miss Braam."

She watched him stroll back towards the door that led into the palace, unhurried, languid and infuriatingly prepossessing. For a moment she stood there, reeling, before she headed for the other door, the one that led out into the gardens, desperate for a breath of fresh air. It was only once she was outside that she realised he hadn't lied about the flower, its fragrance a sweet, charming thing. Later that night, when she returned to her room she would put it in a small crystal glass and place it next to her bed so that when she fell asleep her mind was still full of that fragrance and the memory of Nikolai's thumb pressed against her pulse point. 

#nikolai lantsov #nikolai lantsov imagine #nikolai lantsov x reader #grishaverse x reader #nikolai lantsov imagines #nikolai lantsov x you #nikolai lantsov fanfic #nikolai lantsov x y/n #nikolai x you #nikolai x reader #nikolai x y/n #shadow and bone #sob #shadow and bone imagine #nikolai lantsov my beloved #tbh nikolai drives me insane every time i write him #this is a monstrosity of a fic and i have zero regrets #gardenias

[jayke0]

Hi you're my new fave writer... Thank you for your works <3

Anyways.. idk if this is a weird request but could you write a fem reader x steven fic where shes really turned on by how strong he is and at first hes oblivious to it but then plays into it.. like a strength/size difference kink

Oh my gosh thankyou! Holy cow i never thought I'd find my niche as a smut writer, but here we are 😅😅 i appreciate your love it means the world!

That is totally not a weird request, i love thinking about how strong the boys are, and especially steven. Size kink for the win!

Warnings/content: lots of talk about muscles/arms, strength kink, cunnilingus, praise, dom Steven, probably typos and bad grammar.

...........................................................................

You're sure that if Steven had his own body, he'd be nowhere near as jacked as Marc or Jake.

Not that you'd have a problem with that; afterall, you fell for the man's loving personality and contagious happiness rather than the body that the other two had worked so hard on sculpting.

That's not to say that you don't secretly enjoy the contrast between the sweet man's personality and the sheer size of his arms or pecs, though.

Every time he gets out of the shower, or changes his shirt, your eyes roam over his body like you're a teenage girl again, your tummy fluttering as he asks in his cute voice: "what's wrong, love?"

God he drives you crazy.

You can't even begin to think about him lifting you off your feet like he usually does without your cunt aching for him, the whole gesture feeling different when it's compared to Marc or Jake doing it. It's so effortless too, any worries you have about your weight being quickly resolved as he scoops you into his arms and carries you to bed.

At first, you were pretty sure you had your little fetish under wraps, hiding it away from the gorgeous man only to vigorously fuck your needy hole with three fingers whenever you were alone in your room again, imagining it's his thick digits sliding in and out of you as he pins you down on the bed.

Eventually though, you'd noticed how he seemed to be shirtless around you a lot more, or started carrying the groceries into your apartment for you, even now, he's torn his shirt off to help you move some furniture around in your living room. It's seriously made you wet, watching his forearms and biceps tense as he drags things across the floor and lifts your wooden chairs and table with seemingly no effort. By the end of it, you are both panting, with your boyfriend even having the audacity to turn to you and ask if you're ok as he wipes sweat from his curls.

You're closing the gap between the both of you before another sickeningly sweet word can pass his lips, pressing against him hard enough till there's no space between the two of you.

Steven whimpers on your lips as if he hadn't planned for this to happen the entire time he was strenuously moving your things around. "What's this for, pet?" He still feigns innocence.

"Because you won't stop looking so damn good doing… literally anything." You huff on his lips, frustratedly trying to pull your shirt off without breaking the kiss. A breathy chuckle from the man resonates through your body and to your core, only solidifying your theory that he'd meant for this to happen.

"But doesn't Jake and Marc usually do all this kinda stuff with you, love?"

You hate him so much for trying to pry your secret from your chest, finally being able to pull your shirt from your body with your jeans following soon afterwards.

"I mean, I usually do the soft stuff with you… but even Jake and Marc aren't enough for you, are they, pet?"

"Steven-" You whine, tugging on his slacks with the belt loops on his waistband.

"Answer me, c'mon love."

God his tone is so smooth and calm, a stark contrast to how he was when you first fucked on your couch…. speaking of; why are you both stood up still?

"No baby, they're not. I love them and what they do to me.. but I wanna see your rough side, please Steven."

You know he can't resist your begging, proven by the way he's pushing you to the floor in seconds and pulling your underwear down your hips and over your ankles with his own being kicked off in tandem.

"That's all i wanted to hear, dove, shit."

Expecting to feel his blunt tip pressing against your hole, you're instead surprised to feel his tongue running through your sopping folds and over your painfully sensetive clit. An embarrassing noise leaves your lips before you're clamping your hand over your mouth to contain the filth that threatens to spill past your lips; you love it when they give you head.

The man's tongue runs expertly over every inch of your throbbing cunt, making your hole clench around nothing as you grab a fistful of his hair.

"Oh baby- you know I love your tongue-"

Steven simply nods, the tip of his tongue teasing your entrance before he finally slides it inside, your warmth and taste engulfing his tongue and making him moan on you, which in turn vibrates through your nerves and makes you jolt against him.

His tongue sinks in and out of you repeatedly at expert speed, the base of it bumping against your clit in a way that makes you think that this man isn't even real, that he's instead an angel sent from heaven for your pleasure only.

Despite this, it's still not enough in Steven's opinion, and before you know it he's tucking his hands behind your knees and lifting you up the wall, pressing your spine against the cold hard brick.

It would be a painful position if your boyfriend wasn't distracting you with the pleasure spreading through your pussy and down your legs to your toes, the new angle exposing yourself to him in ways that you didn't even think were possible.

The manner in which he's holding you up against the wall and how well his tongue is working on you has you coming in minutes, shaking and crying out his name, thighs instinctively clamping shut around his head as his tongue sinks inside you one last time and you feel every nerve in your body resonate with pleasure.

"D'you think you can gimme another one, darling?"

His soft muffled voice brings you back to earth and you quickly release his head from the tight hold of your thighs with an apology. He lowers you down till you're face to face with him, big doe eyes looking at you intently as you feel his hard, leaking cock pressing against your swollen pussy lips.

You give him and shakey smile and nod as you wrap your arms around his neck.

"That's my good girl."

#moon knight #moon knight smut #moon boys #moon knight system #steven grant #steven grant smut #writing requests #requests #requests open

[jupitercomet]

Idk if you plan to make the story long enough to see this, but…. What would any of our boxer boys look like on their wedding day? What would they be like on the day they find out they're going to be dads for the first time? Or what would they be like holding their baby for the first time?

okay so I don't think the actual series is going to be long enough to reach those points, but here are some baby blurbs about it instead :)

p.s. this is so long, I'm sorry I went overboard

wedding:

Bradley would not be having the greatest day ever, if we're being honest. everyone was very firm on the tradition that he and Toots can't see each other until the first look so they spent the night apart and Bradley is going through withdrawal. the photographer was taking pictures of all the groomsmen getting ready and she was like "...do you...want to smile?" because Bradley's just getting ready with a big ol' frown.

honestly, Bradley isn't really smiling in any of the photos but there's a stark difference between his glower and borderline pout and the small twitch of his lips and the look of pure love in his eyes when he gets to see Toots finally.

Bradley literally has three friends and he'd eat glass before admitting that two of them are Bob and Jake, so Natasha is his best (wo)man.

Toots wanted a pretty fancy looking wedding, it'd be in the autumn, probably in the ballroom of a nice hotel. their first dance would be to "My Girl" by The Temptations (it was Bradley's idea, don't tell anyone).

Jake would 100% be bridezilla. like Angel's just thanking all of the staff and Jake's about to hyperventilate because he definitely requested baby blue napkins and those are light blue and now the theme is off and the wedding is ruined. but that would all come to a screeching halt when something actually does end up going wrong with Angel's dress and (it's basically that scene from Pam and Jim's wedding because I think it's the cutest thing ever) Jake's like "fuck tradition, my girl needs me" so they don't have a photographed first look but Angel takes a mental picture. everything goes smoothly after that and Jake has half a bow tie.

if everyone thought Jake was annoying before, at the reception he's a thousand times worse. anytime Angel is away from him, he's talking to people like "see that girl over there? the one who looks like heaven on earth? that's my wife!" and Bradley's like "....literally every single person here know that".

obviously Javy is his best man and Harley is the ring bearer.

they have a summer wedding, probably at the beach and then the reception is in a big grassy area looking out on the ocean with a big white tent. their first dance would be to "Dancing in the Moonlight" by Toploader.

Bob would be so nervous, like Mickey's just holding a hairdryer to his pits and yelling over it "you're fine, Bo! It's gonna be fine, you got this!" finally Adler gives him a little pep talk and Bob feels like he's ready. 100% he cries when when Sweet Pea walks down the aisle. they both decided to write their own vows and his put Shakespeare to shame.

people don't really hear Bob laugh that often, so everyone's in for a surprise when he's giggling the entire reception. like he's laughing the loudest at all the speeches and everyone's like "???" but Bob would just turn to Sweet Pea every few seconds and whisper (very loudly) "you're my wife! Mickey just called you my wife!" Sweet Pea literally has to figure out how to eat with her non-dominant hand because Bob refuses to let go of her other one.

Mickey's his best man and Eloise bakes their wedding cake.

Sweet Pea wanted a cottagecore wedding, Bob said "I don't know what that means, but whatever you want" and it's in the spring in a really pretty flower garden. their first dance is to "I Am Yours" by Andy Grammer.

when they're gonna be dads:

Bradley finds out via a gift bag Toots made for him. like he pulls out a couple bibs and is like "your gift to me is that you're gonna stop being a messy eater? these look a little small for you" and Toots is like 😐 but she knew this was gonna happen she has another box that's more obvious. and Bradley looks at it for like a minute before he goes "really?" and Toots is like "yeah" and Bradley says "I'm gonna be a dad?" Toots is like "yeah" and Bradley looks at the box again and then covers his eyes with his hand.

Toots starts freaking out internally like "is he disappointed? does he not want a baby?" and then she finally realizes that Bradley's crying and so she's like "it's okay, don't cry" and hugs him, but now his head is against her chest and he can stare at her stomach, and he kind of wipes his eyes and is like "our baby's in there?" and Toots kisses the top of his head, "our baby's in there" and the rest of the day is spent with his hands on her stomach and Bradley refusing to let Toots do anything.

(everything's fine until Bradley wakes up in a cold sweat that night because he's always loved their size difference, but now Toot's is gonna have to push his big ass baby out of her tiny ass body and Toots has to sign them up for birthing classes together just to get him to go back to bed)

honestly, I don't see Angel and Jake having kids. Angel's got a lot of family stuff that just makes her anxious about even the idea and Jake's always been pretty impartial to the idea of kids, so they both agree that children aren't in the cards for them. they've probably had one or two pregnancy scares though, so Angel's probably had to tell Jake that he's not gonna be a dad.

"negative?" he'd be waiting in the bedroom while Angel does her thing and she nods "negative" at which point Jake gets up and is like "hell yeah! high five!" and Angel just looks at him before giving him a begrudging high five.

"thanks, guys! makin' daddy proud!"

"please don't refer to yourself as 'daddy' when you're talking to your testicles."

Sweet Pea does the "bun in the oven" one, like she asks Bob if he'd take what she was baking out of the oven for her and a minute later Bob's walking into the living room all confused like "did you bake this? it looks bought? also the oven wasn't even on" and Sweet Pea just looks at him expectantly and Bob's like "what? I don't get it. should I know why you put a bun in the oven.... wait—" and Bob literally drops the bun like "are you serious?" and Sweet Pea nods excitedly like "you're gonna be a dad, Bobby!"

Bob doesn't even know what to do with himself, he's hugging Sweet Pea and then pulling away to look at her tummy and then hugging her again. he definitely talks to Sweet Pea's stomach the whole day regardless of if she's showing yet or not and he calls the baby "pea".

when they hold their baby:

so Bradley and Toots have a girl because how could I deprive you of girl dad Bradley Bradshaw? and luckily she took after her mom more in terms of size so the birth wasn't as strenuous as Bradley had been freaking out over. but everything went smoothly and baby Bradshaw is perfectly healthy.

Bradley never told Toots this, but he was kind of worried their baby might be scared of him. like he's big and intimidating and babies don't really like him all that much, so he was expecting his baby to not like him either. with everything going on, he's able to evade holding his daughter for a while. though he obviously wants to, he way too scared she'll hate him to try. but he can escape it no longer when Toots is sleeping and (I named her Caroline after Carol but baby names are so strongly divided so name her whatever you want lol) baby Bradshaw is starting to get fussy.

obviously Toots needs her rest so Bradley kind of bites the bullet and picks his daughter up for the first time and he waits for her to just burst out crying, because that's what usually happens with him and babies, but instead she starts cooing and she smiles at him. and Bradley just watches in awe as she wraps her little hands around one of his fingers, before starting to fall asleep herself (our girl's had a big day today). after that, people literally couldn't pry her from Bradley's cold, dead hands.

as previously stated, Jake and Angel don't have kids so I'll write about when Jake adopted Harley lmao. just for funsies, let's say he went to the same shelter that Toots works at! and if we're being honest, he wants a dog, but he also kinda wants a scary looking one for the aesthetic. so when he sees a listing for a doberman puppy, Jake's intrigued.

he was kind of looking for an older dog, but Jake thought he'd check him out anyway. as he's walking with the volunteer, they kind of warn him that Harley's (or I guess in the shelter he was called Ajax) friendly when he warms up to people but he's usually a little shy in the first couple minutes of visiting. they also encourage Jake to sit on the floor to appear less intimidating. so Jake was fully not prepared for this puppy to hesitantly pad into the room, see him, and then bolt straight for him, wriggle under his shirt and pop out the neck hole to greet Jake excitedly.

obviously, Jake had to adopt him.

when he took him home for the first time, Jake was still on the fence about the name Ajax. the shelter said that he didn't really know it so Jake could change it if he wanted to. he shows the puppy around his place and they get to the garage and he's sniffing all around Jake's motorcycle and Jake's like "you like motorcycles?" because day one he's already having conversations with his dog "yeah, me too. one day I'm gonna get a Harley-Davidson" and the puppy just perks up and starts wagging his tail and propping himself up on Jake's leg. and, thus, Harley.

baby Floyd would be a boy (bugs name of choice: Noah, like The Notebook). baby boy's also very happy and healthy and there were no complications with his birth.

Bob grew up with just his mom, so he's been having a few inner spirals about whether or not he even knows how to be a dad. Sweet Pea always reassures him that he'll be a wonderful dad and the man went out and bought every parenting book every written and has them highlighted and annotated, Sweet Pea's like "our kid is gonna be so lucky to have you as their dad".

Bob keeps it together while Sweet Pea's holding baby Pea, they're all crammed in the hospital bed just cooing and looking at each other. but when Sweet Pea truly can't fight her exhaustion anymore Bob takes baby Floyd from her and starts whispering about all the things he's gonna do with him that he never got to do with his own dad and making all these promises that he wished his dad made for him. and it's definitely bittersweet, but Bob knows he isn't going to make his dad's mistakes and that his son is going to grow up with a father who loves him.

and, like he understood what his dad was saying, baby boy puts his hand on Bob's chest to explore the feeling of his t-shirt — right where Bob's heart it. and Bob smiles and settles back in his chair.

"hey pea, let's play 20 questions while momma sleeps, yeah?"

#bradley bradshaw x toots #jake seresin x angel #bob floyd x sweet pea #under the hard deck #buggy's got a pen

[aurumacadicus]

If you're still doing 5 headcanon stuff (if not feel free to ignore): Platonic Tony x Rhodey, with werewolf family?

Love this idea <3

Jim was pretty sure that he was paired with Tony for the dorms specifically because they were the only two werewolves entering the student population that year. Two werewolves would know the ins and outs of being around other werewolves already, so no learning curve for a human roommate. It was stupid. They were from different packs. They could have attacked each other on sight. Their packs could have had a feud, and the humans wouldn't have known about it. But, it was also the eighties. That type of ignorance was sort of par for the course back then. Tony hadn't noticed Jim was a werewolf too, had simply walked in and said, "This is my bed, I'm gonna roll all over it now so it smells like me," and then accidentally wedged himself between the bed and the wall and whined until Jim had rescued him, and well. That had sort of been that.

Tony is orphaned. Jim grabs him by the scruff after the funeral and drags him home with him. "This is ours now," he tells his mama. Mama gives Tony a slow up-and-down, then says, "Well, he's the only other person with taste in this house," and that's that. ("What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she's asked later, and she scowls and reminds everyone that Tony is the only other person who prefers sweet potato pie to pumpkin and now she doesn't have to worry about her pies molding before she can finish them.) They quickly find out that Tony's quirks that they've brushed off as 'eccentric rich person' are actually coping mechanisms because his parents were not very good werewolves. Boarding school had not been Tony's choice, and he'd only started college early because once home, he didn't know how to live with other werewolves. It was why he'd been so careless about rooming with Jim in the dorms. He didn't know he was supposed to be on the defensive around another werewolf. It's dangerous. Other wolves can and will take advantage of his guard being down all the time. He's still a pup, in some ways. Others, he's aged beyond his years. Jim hears his mama and dad whispering some nights about how the Starks ruined him, how they stunted him and made him grow too soon as the same time, how they can try and fix some of what's happened to him but he's always going to be at least a little bit broken. Jim remembers that, when Tony dons a suit and smiles sharp and wide, baring his teeth when other werewolves would hide them. He plays human and werewolf in a way that Jim can't even begin to comprehend. (Doesn't want to.) And he does it well. (It breaks their hearts.)

Tony seems to realize that he's... Different. Jim and the rest of his family try their hardest to convince him that they don't care, that they love him in spite of that, that he's still part of the pack and just because his instincts got all messed up doesn't mean he's a bad person. But it's not enough. Probably wouldn't have been enough even if they'd taken him in earlier, gotten a head start on fixing his frayed edges. He starts sharing less of his life, carefully covering his face so he doesn't smile when a werewolf wouldn't and set the family on edge. Visits less, and times them with Jim's so he never visits alone. "I think the war ruined my parents," Tony says, and Jim turns to look at him, frowning. Tony is staring out the window as Happy drives them to a banquet. Normally they take the drive to pep each other up for the absolute torture of glad-handing, but Tony had been conspicuously quiet, and Jim hadn't wanted to push him. "Okay?" Jim replies carefully. Tony doesn't respond for a moment, but when he finally does, he still can't make eye contact with him. "Mom's pack was scattered by the war. Lots of her male relatives died. The rest moved wherever they could to keep their kids safe. Supplies were scarce, so smaller groups were preferred. Mom left so that she wouldn't be a burden. Dad, well... he didn't talk about his parents much. He only had one picture of them. And then the war, and Captain America, and the nuclear bomb... I think I wouldn't have had a chance to be normal even if I hadn't gotten sent off to boarding school." He's probably right, Jim thinks, but doesn't say so. All he can see is the kid who wedged himself between his bed and his wall and whined until he got him free. "Yeah, well, that's their loss," he says, and Tony offers him a wide smile that a normal werewolf wouldn't have. He smiles back, because he's known Tony long enough to know that his bared teeth are not a threat. Knows it puts Tony at ease that he'll bare his teeth back.

Tony is kidnapped in Afghanistan, and Jim finds him walking the sands after a successful escape, pausing every few yards to let out dry howl, lips cracked and a hole glowing in his chest. Jim gnashes his teeth furiously as he listens to the doctors explain that they can't do more to help. How he's only alive because he's a werewolf, and the technology simply wasn't there to keep him from bleeding to death if they tried to surgically remove the shrapnel. Gnashes his teeth when Tony destroys one of his fighter jets, almost kills one of his pilots and then saves him, buys him a new jet in recompense. Gnashes his teeth when he learns Obadiah was behind Tony's kidnapping, almost killed him again, almost killed Pepper and would have done so without remorse. Gnashes his teeth was Tony finally admits he's dying from palladium poisoning from the reactor. Gnashes his teeth when Tony joins some stupid secret boy band called the Avengers, and he's working with Captain America, who told Tony to his face that he knew men who were worth ten of him, and Natasha, who had betrayed his trust and stabbed him in the neck, and other people Jim doesn't know so doesn't trust or like them. Gnashes his teeth when he realizes that they're all broken just like Tony, and are able to relate to him in ways that Jim will never be able to, because he grew up in a loving family and literally no one else did. Tony is still the only one who smiles though. Jim can see it puts the rest of the Avengers on edge, the way he bares his teeth without thinking about it. Human in ways they can't be. Werewolf in ways they can't, either. Jim bares his teeth back at him, and Tony throws his head back and laughs as the rest of the Avengers back away, anxious and confused.

"So are you dating again, or?" Jim asks, picking through a bowl of puppy chow. He likes the ones with more peanut butter than chocolate. He doesn't mention he can see the Avengers turning toward them in interest even as they desperately try to pretend to mind their own business. "Pepper mentioned you going out on a date finally." Tony shrugs. "Yeah, I thought I might put myself back out there. I don't know. Just feels discouraging that I can't keep a girlfriend. Or boyfriend," he adds belatedly. "'s 'cause you're weird," Jim offers helpfully. "Yeah," Tony sighs. At least he's self-aware. "Anyway, I'm gonna go menace the rest of your team," Jim adds, popping the last few bites of puppy chow he'd dug out into his mouth. "Gotta show 'em who's boss, after all." "Okay, but if you make Bruce Hulk out, you have to clean up the mess," Tony replies, and Jim salutes him before he goes over to bare his teeth at the rest of the Avengers until they scramble out of his way nervously. He finds it flattering that most of them can't meet his eyes. Bruce even sort of grabs someone's shirt and puts it over his head, as if physically blocking his gaze away would help. Jim crunches a mouthful of puppy chow next to his ear in response. He wants everyone to be certain that if they did anything to hurt Tony, they'd have not just him, but the rest of his family there to make them pay for it. Also a couple of them had looked way too interested in the fact Tony was dating again.

#aurumacadicus answers #ask meme #5 headcanons meme #tony/rhodey brotp

[thompsborn]

gonna make little chapter recaps while i reread what's posted of homeward bound so far. and then i am going to bust out chapter seventeen. might not finish it this weekend, but i hope to get a majority of it written. let's get into it.

starting with chapter one - i'm so tired of being afraid

word count: 7,535 (7,515 without the chapter lyrics at the start)

chapter song: six by sleeping at last

chapter lyrics:

what would it feel like to put this baggage down? if i'm being honest i'm not sure i'd know how

recap + lines i felt were important enough to jot down:

peter moves into his new apartment (december 2024)

peter decides that needs to be alone

"when he's alone, there's no one to let down but himself."

peter looks up norman, otto, max, flint, and curt as a precaution now that he knows they turned into villains in the other worlds

norman and otto: started oscorp together during the five year gap between snaps, but have not gotten very far due to the world mourning the half of the population that's gone and also because stark industries is already a powerhouse in all the industries that oscorp is trying to step a foot into. peter deems them not a threat for now but will occasionally check on them just to be safe.

max and flint: peter is unable to find records of anyone with their names when looking them up. that's doesn't guarantee they don't exist in this world, they could have different names or something like that, but peter finds no trace of them and feels like it's safe to assume they don't exist here. he'll still check again occasionally to see if anything pops up down the line.

curt: a professor at empire state university with no signs of any of the things that happened in the other world happening to him here. again, peter will check occasionally to make sure, but overall he thinks that his world is most likely safe from these five people becoming villains like they did in the other peter's worlds.

peter looks into empire state university after looking up curt and thinks about how he'd like to go to college. it's always been part of his life plan. his life is completely different than what it was ever supposed to be and he'd need to get his GED, but he thinks about how he'd like to still go if he can make it work.

peter decides he needs to remake his suit, partially because he other suits can't be used anymore now that karen doesn't recognize him - edith doesn't recognize him anymore, either, which makes peter sad because he feels like he's lost a connection that he had with tony after tony's death - but he also wants to remake his suits because he knows the other peter's made their own from suits from scratch as well, so he thinks it's pretty fitting and thinks that it's kind of like he's building himself up from scratch and starting over for good - "...as both Peter Parker and as Spider-Man"

"and karen not knowing him feels a lot like losing another friend."

he includes peter 2 and peter 3 in his suit design to honor them and remind himself that, even if he is alone in his world, he isn't alone in the universe.

raimi spidey emblem on his chest:

and tasm spidey emblem on his back:

"when peter gets lost, or angry, or overwhelmed... he has reminders of them, interwoven into his suit, for him to brush his fingers against and think to himself, be strong, peter. do it for your brothers."

peter had an uncle ben in his world, but his uncle ben died less than two years after his parents did when he was six and a half years old. peter thinks about how his uncle ben impacted his life in a much different life than the other peter's. his uncle ben's last words shaped his morals and his outlook in life, to the point that, when tony first showed up to recruit peter for germany, he had used his own wording based on what ben said to explain why being spidey is so important to him.

"he remembers ben shrugging, remembers him smiling, remembers him saying, "if i didn't help, it'd be my fault, too." the way he said it had been so simple, so sure - a philosophy he fully and passionately believed in."

actually just this whole section feels very important to me so i'm going to copy and paste it right here:

In a way, Uncle Ben played a significant part in Peter becoming Spider-Man, but not in the same way that the Other Peter’s seemed to be influenced by their Uncle Ben’s. Peter remembers that he didn’t think much of the last words he heard his Ben say for a while, but that they seemed to click in his head around the time he was nine or ten, and suddenly they were words he wanted to live by. Doing good, and getting in the way to stop bad things, no matter how big or how small, because then it’d be his fault, too, if he didn’t.

It’s what he told Mr. Stark, back when he was still fourteen almost fifteen and the man had appeared in his apartment. When you can do the things I can, he had said—not exactly what Ben had said, no, kind of added onto by Peter, altered with the weight of Spider-Man stacked on top of the same philosophy he already lived by—but you don’t, and then the bad things happen… they happen because of you.

It’s not what the Other Peter’s talked about, though—because Ben didn’t tell Peter that great power comes with great responsibility. Aunt May told him that. But, for the Other Peter’s, it had been an Uncle that lived longer than his own did.

Then again, the Other Peter’s didn’t have the Avenger’s, and they never had Mr. Stark. Maybe it’s just different because each world isn’t supposed to be the same, and that’s all there is to it.

also may's line from right before ben died, which peter later tells harley about when telling harley the truth about his life:

“You stupid Parker men,” May had scoffed. “Way too selfless for your own good.”

peter thinks that it feels important that uncle ben had such a huge role in shaping who he is, and how the ben's of the other worlds had such a huge part in the other peter's lives as well, even if it was in vastly different ways. he then thinks about how, out of the very few things that peter was able to get out of his and may's old apartment before it was cleared out, one of them happened to be a box of uncle ben's old stuff - including, at the very top of the box, ben's old camera.

peter learns how to use ben's camera to take pictures properly in order to then take pictures of himself as spidey to sell to the daily bugle. he thinks it's amusing and ironic that the pictures he takes are used for articles that slander spidey, knowing that jjj would probably lose his shit if he knew he bought the pictures from spider-man himself.

"everything seems to be trial and error these days - life was never a certainty before, but now it's pretty clearly up in the air and he's left scrambling to try and figure it out, approaching every corner completely blind to what he'll find when he turns it - but that's alright, because he's got the brain of a scientist and trial and error could just be another term for experiment, so it works out well."

that ^ quote is a nice tie in to the tony flashback that happens in chapter 16, where tony calls peter an observer and says that peter is always gathering information and how peter looks more than most people do because peter likes to be prepared and likes to understand.

peter spends new years eve alone (new years, 2024) and watches the fireworks while thinking about the other peter's not being alone before going back to patrol.

peter gets his first Big Injury since ending up completely on his own. he has no one to call and he has no super pain killers like the ones tony had made for him before tony died. the injury starts at his left hip, goes over his ribs, stops at the center of his chest. it was done with a knife. peter has to stitch himself up. it's the first time he's ever done stitches on himself.

he passes out after finishing the stitches and wakes up almost a full day later. thinks about his healing and how his enhancements are definitely being negatively impacted by his lackluster eating habits - he's broke as fuck and also doesn't have much of an appetite due to being traumatized and depressed.

"part of him wonders how drastic a change it really is - wonders if, maybe, the scars will stop fading away. for some reason, that's the thought that makes him feel sick to his stomach."

fun fact: this injury is the one that peter tells harley about in chapter 15 when harley is asking about some of peter's scars.

and that's the end of chapter one! these little recaps are entirely for my own benefit - the only reason i'm posting them is because giving myself the expectation and responsibility of posting them will make me actually commit to recapping every chapter, which will make working on chapter seventeen a lot fucking easier and will make it so i'm able to finish chapter seventeen a lot fucking faster.

i will be reblogging with the chapter two recap shortly

#homeward bound fic

[dontbotherwiththepronunciation]

I really wish we could talk about Jeyne bullying Arya without people going completely feral, because as someone who was bullied (tragicomically involving the nickname "horseface" and even neighing when I walked by), and who can't even watch high school comedies like mean girls without wanting to die, I feel like it's so reductive to deny any possibility of conflict between the Arya-Jeyne-Sansa dynamic that is more than "mean girls vs pretty-but-doesn't-know-it-yet-girl situation" or "violent paranoid schizophrenic with a persecution complex feels victimised by girls who actually do their schoolwork" while still acknowledging Jeyne as a bully and Arya as a victim.

Jeyne is such a weird character to me, because I never feel this attached to the archetype she embodies.

And still, her dynamic with the two Stark sisters is interesting and the confusion in fandom is COMPLETELY fascinating and borderline triggering to witness, because it reminds me a lot to how a class of high schoolers reacts to *gasps, looks around to see no one is listening and whispers* bullying *lightning and thunder strike on the background to signify the gravity of such a word*.

Person A: What? What are you talking about?! She is exaggerating everything! Sansa never called her that! It was only Jeyne and I bet she only did it once! Person B: Oh, no it was just Jeyne who did it. Sansa told her to stop, but she just kept at it because she is less educated. Person C: No, Jeyne was actually just doing it to impress Sansa. Sansa is the real villain here. DontbotherwiththepronunciationIn2013: I don't think "bullying" is the right term. It's not that bad, Arya should get over it. It was just hurtful teasing.

Now I realise that "hurtful teasing" is in fact bullying.

So, if going by canon:

I think Jeyne came up with the name "Horseface".

I think Jeyne used to neigh at Arya when she was passing.

I think Sansa probably used that name at some point in her life or maybe multiple times.

I think that silence bestows. I think inaction can be encouraging more action. I think passiveness can be as harming as aggressiveness.

I do NOT however think that neither Jeyne nor Sansa are inherently despicable evil people for bullying Arya. I think they are still children. I think, like in most situations involving bullying and children, it's the adults who are at fault for not putting a stop to it, and sometimes even encouraging it.

Before starting to rant, I want to say:

I don't consider myself an expert on any of these characters!!!!!

So if I'm saying something disproportionately wrong in the following, I am open to being corrected.

With that said, I think this is a network of issues, most of them involving socioeconomic classes and period-compliant misogyny. I think it might look like this:

I know that focussing on this is a little pointless because the three main actors involved in this have been violently removed from the situation, (and most of the remaining cast is dead) but at the same time their possible future reunion will be even more violent and they probably won't even have time to cope.

And I can't sleep and I feel horrible and I already drew that dumb mind-map on my phone.

So, I'm starting with the least tangled component in this thing.

Ⅰ. The passive perpetrator, Blind Beth Cassel

To her sister and sister's friends and all the rest, she had just been Arya Horseface. - The Blind Girl, ADWD

I have loved the "Blind Beth" concept since I first read it.

It's so interesting to me how the most Beth interested part of fandom is the Theon corner, yet in the entire Arya-Sansa narrative she barely appears and rarely in meta. The closest I've come to find analysis on Beth & Sansa was in this gorgeous collage highlighting them as victims of violence from different sources in ACOK, but asides from that, there isn't much there. And at least with Sansa I can understand it. Sansa doesn't think of Beth once in the entire books. Arya on the other hand names one of her many identities after Beth and I think the characteristic chosen to describe that persona was a very smart and painful reminder from GRRM.

Arya thinks of Beth Cassel in two occasions. Once in AGOT, when we first meet them,

She studied her own work again, looking for some way to salvage it, then sighed and put down the needle. She looked glumly at her sister. Sansa was chatting away happily as she worked. Beth Cassel, Ser Rodrik's little girl, was sitting by her feet, listening to every word she said, and Jeyne Poole was leaning over to whisper something in her ear. "What are you talking about?" Arya asked suddenly. Jeyne gave her a startled look, then giggled. Sansa looked abashed. Beth blushed. No one answered. "Tell me," Arya said. "Joffrey likes your sister," Jeyne whispered, proud as if she had something to do with it. She was the daughter of Winterfell's steward and Sansa's dearest friend. "He told her she was very beautiful." "He's going to marry her," little Beth said dreamily, hugging herself. "Then Sansa will be queen of all the realm." Sansa had the grace to blush. She blushed prettily. She did everything prettily, Arya thought with dull resentment. "Beth, you shouldn't make up stories," Sansa corrected the younger girl, gently stroking her hair to take the harshness out of her words. - Arya I, AGOT

AND once in Braavos, when she is thinking of her life a Winterfell,

"Beth." She had known a Beth once, back at Winterfell when she was Arya Stark. Maybe that was why she'd picked the name. Or maybe it was just because it went so well with blind. - The Blind Girl, ADWD

Our first assumption as readers to the name "Beth" going so well with "blind" is because it is an alliteration. Who doesn't love alliterations? Tell me you don't love Sir Gawain and the Green Knight with all it's stylistic devices! They are lovely. And perhaps "Blind Beth" is only one of GRRM's alliterations acknowledged by a character.

Or perhaps "Blind" and "Beth" also go so well with each other, because apparently, and basing this from Arya's POV (the only one involving Sansa, Jeyne & Beth all together), Beth is a passive perpetrator. The typical class mate who pretends not to see the bullying and the way it affects the victim. The one who is decent or even kind when alone, but alienating when they are accompanied by a group.

I have seen certain takes claiming that Arya's POV in AGOT isn't a reliable source when involving the dynamic between her and the other girls in Winterfell.

That is possible, but she is our only source. As said, Sansa doesn't ever think of Beth, so if I want to examine her it has to be through Arya's eyes.

I would like to take the scene in AGOT once again and look at it more closely this time.

She studied her own work again, looking for some way to salvage it, then sighed and put down the needle. She looked glumly at her sister. Sansa was chatting away happily as she worked. Beth Cassel, Ser Rodrik's little girl, was sitting by her feet, listening to every word she said, and Jeyne Poole was leaning over to whisper something in her ear.

The object composition is so carefully placed that I find it difficult to believe it is not supposed to have a meaning. Jeyne whispers into Sansa's ear, an image I often associate with a political advisor plotting or scheming with the ruler they serve (which she will remind me of again in future AGOT chapters). Beth has a lower position in the hierarchy She is sitting at Sansa's feet, completely enthralled to whatever it is Sansa says. She probably seeks her approval.

(There is this very sweet art depicting the image of Sansa, Beth and Jeyne and even if I kind of feel guilty for reading the scene as them alienating another girl and still enjoying the art, I still want to share it because it's very cute.)

"What are you talking about?" Arya asked suddenly. Jeyne gave her a startled look, then giggled. Sansa looked abashed. Beth blushed. No one answered.

Jeyne's reaction is alienating. She giggles and denies Arya the knowledge behind that sudden laughter. It always reminded me a little of how Theon's smiles are often described contemptuously, probably because people tend to think he is actually laughing/smiling at them. They think he is mocking them. I don't think this is something completely involuntarily. I think Jeyne knows that giggling when Arya is asking to be integrated to the group is painful to her. Sansa is described to look "abashed" which I take as uncomfortable. I thinks she is aware this is mean spirited. She still doesn't do anything, but she is at least "abashed". Beth seems to follow this reaction but her description is only physical, not necessarily tied to an explicit emotion. Still, they collectively refuse to include Arya into the conversation.

"Tell me," Arya said. "Joffrey likes your sister," Jeyne whispered, proud as if she had something to do with it. She was the daughter of Winterfell's steward and Sansa's dearest friend. "He told her she was very beautiful." "He's going to marry her," little Beth said dreamily, hugging herself. "Then Sansa will be queen of all the realm."

Arya has to insist to be accepted as part of the group. It is not Sansa who acts as the typical "Queen Bee" and grants her that privilege, but Jeyne. Jeyne is the one who speaks in a slightly haughty manner. Only after getting Jeyne's implicit permission does Beth make a comment. She is not described with any type of rancour by Arya.

Sansa had the grace to blush. She blushed prettily. She did everything prettily, Arya thought with dull resentment. "Beth, you shouldn't make up stories," Sansa corrected the younger girl, gently stroking her hair to take the harshness out of her words.

This is an interesting passage to me, but not because of Beth as a passive perpetrator, but because this is the first time I can think of where we are confronted with another monster that will play a role in here, the green-eyed beast;

Ⅱ. Envy

Not it's more mild mannered cousin jealousy that gets spoken of more in fandom, but envy!

Jealousy is usually seen as a less malevolent feeling, but the term is often used when actually referring to envy, so I will clarify that jealousy could be defined as a feeling of defensiveness and protectiveness over what you think to be yours and feel threatened or fearful of possibly losing it.

Envy is not protective or defensive, its offensive. It is a feeling of resentment over what another person or group has - be it a a material possession, a skill, or an emotional bond - and you feel you lack.

And oh boy, there is a lot of envy oozing from that medieval class room, some it more legitimate than other, but all felt.

Before continuing I want to clarify that Arya’s very real pain and low self-esteem, and the cruel ways in which Sansa sometimes treats her during AGOT shouldn't be dismissed as "deserved" or "exaggerated" because of her envy.

Ⅱ. Ⅰ. ARYA'S ENVY

Probably the easiest to locate.

In the formerly mentioned passage we see Arya being envious of Sansa. I would argue it's not up to interpretation since "with dull resentment" makes it very clear to me, but there is also tenderness. I don't think Arya hates Sansa, or at least not in that moment.

Something curious about envy is that it's not an entertaining sin. It's damaging not only to those you envy, but perhaps mostly to yourself. It is self-poisoning. And I think that during that scene Arya, isn't manifesting her envy. She very rarely verbalises it, instead she swallows her own anger and keeps it inside her. I couldn't find any passages where envy is the driving force on the few occasions Arya hurts Sansa. The closest I came to that is:

Arya wanted to scream. It was just like Sansa to go and attract the septa's attention. "Here," she said, surrendering up her work. - Arya I, AGOT

But even then, her envy only hurts herself.

Arya longs to be like Sansa. She wants to be considered as pretty as Sansa, she wants to be as skilled as her sister and to feel accepted by the other girls in the group.

It wasn't fair. Sansa had everything. Sansa was two years older; maybe by the time Arya had been born, there had been nothing left. Often it felt that way. Sansa could sew and dance and sing. She wrote poetry. She knew how to dress. She played the high harp and the bells. Worse, she was beautiful. Sansa had gotten their mother's fine high cheekbones and the thick auburn hair of the Tullys. Arya took after their lord father. Her hair was a lusterless brown, and her face was long and solemn. Jeyne used to call her Arya Horseface, and neigh whenever she came near. It hurt that the one thing Arya could do better than her sister was ride a horse. Well, that and manage a household. Sansa had never had much of a head for figures. If she did marry Prince Joff, Arya hoped for his sake that he had a good steward. - Arya I, AGOT

I find it curious how Arya starts off listing skills, yet the thing that pains her the most is related to her appearance.

What starts as painful envy becomes a self deprecating chuckle and later maybe even a half-optimistic outlook on her own strength. Arya recognises that she is not worthless or fully inferior to her sister. She is able to find qualities in herself and they way she does is endearing. She internally even makes fun of Sansa for not being as good as she is in this one little thing.

Sadly she is still aware of how in the eyes of most, Sansa is the one deemed worthy of admiration and emulation, while the best Arya can get is pity.

The septa examined the fabric. "Arya, Arya, Arya," she said. "This will not do. This will not do at all." Everyone was looking at her. It was too much. Sansa was too well bred to smile at her sister's disgrace, but Jeyne was smirking on her behalf. Even Princess Myrcella looked sorry for her. Arya felt tears filling her eyes. She pushed herself out of her chair and bolted for the door. - Arya I, AGOT

And Arya's envy doesn't come from simply being Arya, it comes from Arya not being seen as a valuable person by Westerosi society and, in my opinion, most importantly, by her mother.

I refer to the parent-child relationships on the whiteboard as "perceived", not because I deem them false or delusional, but because I've seen a lot of debate going around this topic and whether the favouritism is true or not and I don't know what to believe and honestly I don't care too much about it.

At this part of the conflict we don't really need to know if the Ned-Arya and Cat-Sansa favouritism is true or not. We just need to know that both girls feel some insecurity over their bond with their parents and feel envy.

Personally, I think both Stark parents love all their children deeply, it's just that love sometimes isn't perceived the way we want it to.

Both of her parents had conventional expectations for Arya, but it seems to me that Catelyn was the one who upheld these expectations while Ned acted more permissive. Eddard still intends for her to lead a life that is typical to that of a Lady,

"[...] And it is past time that Arya learned the ways of a southron court. In a few years she will be of an age to marry too." - Catelyn II, AGOT

But it's not Eddard who Arya is terrified of:

It was worse than Jon had thought. It wasn't Septa Mordane waiting in her room. It was Septa Mordane and her mother. - Arya I, AGOT

And it's not Eddard whom Arya often fears being rejected by or disappointing.

Her father tells Arya she remembers him of Lyanna, a woman who is not only remembered as beautiful but also as loved and desired, and also shared some of her interests, such as swordsmanship.

Her mother though..

"Sansa's work is as pretty as she is," Septa Mordane told their lady mother once. "She has such fine, delicate hands." When Lady Catelyn had asked about Arya, the septa had sniffed. "Arya has the hands of a blacksmith." - Arya I, AGOT

Sansa would shine in the south, Catelyn thought to herself, and the gods knew that Arya needed refinement. - Catelyn II, AGOT

“…my hair’s messy and my nails are dirty and my feet are all hard.” Robb wouldn’t care about that, probably, but her mother would. Lady Catelyn always wanted her to be like Sansa, to sing and dance and sew and mind her courtesies. Just thinking of it made Arya try to comb her hair with her fingers, but it was all tangles and mats, and all she did was tear some out.“ - Arya VII, ASOS

Her mother used to say she could be pretty if she would just wash and brush her hair and take more care with her dress, the way her sister did. - The Blind girl, ADWD

And a recurring pattern in those lines is a comparison to Sansa, the sister who is not constantly failing at fulfilling society's expectations on her. The sister who she wishes she could emulate while also staying true to the person she is. The sister who seems to act as a passive perpetrator of Jeyne's bullying and sometimes acts cruel herself.

Ⅱ. Ⅱ. SANSA'S ENVY AND EMBARASSEMENT

When I first read AGOT, I didn't like any of the Stark sisters. I actually think the only Stark I liked back then was Bran. I was about as old as they were, had my own issues with internalised misogyny and thought both of them were a little annoying. My views on both of them during AGOT have changed A LOT in the past ten years and while I like who they become as the books move n, much more than I like who they were at the beginning, I've become very fond of their AGOT selves. And I think they are children! Children make mistakes! Children are shallow and impulsive and hedonistic.

So, I don't think Arya is the only person here who has a few negatives feelings about her sister.

More than envy I think Sansa feels second-hand embarrassment by Arya's behaviour and wishes she wouldn't be associated with her, and this is something Arya is aware of.

She was barefoot and dirty, her hair tangled from the long run through the castle, clad in a jerkin ripped by cat claws and brown roughspun pants hacked off above her scabby knees. You don't wear skirts and silks when you're catching cats. Quickly she lowered her head and dropped to one knee. Maybe they wouldn't recognize her. If they did, she would never hear the end of it. Septa Mordane would be mortified, and Sansa would never speak to her again from the shame. - Arya III, AGOT

Arya looked down at her ragged clothes and bare feet, all cracked and callused. She saw the dirt under her nails, the scabs on her elbows, the scratches on her hands. Septa Mordane wouldn't even know me, I bet. Sansa might, but she'd pretend not to. - Arya V, ACOK

And we also see Sansa wanting to deny association between her and her sister multiple times during AGOT:

Why couldn't Arya be sweet and delicate and kind, like Princess Myrcella? She would have liked a sister like that. - Sansa I, AGOT

"Send Arya away, she started it, Father, I swear it. I'll be good, you'll see, just let me stay and I promise to be as fine and noble and courteous as the queen." - Sansa III, AGOT

"[...]I have only to remember how your sister set her wolf on my son." "I'm not like Arya," Sansa blurted. "She has the traitor's blood, not me. I'm good, ask Septa Mordane, she'll tell you, I only want to be Joffrey's loyal and loving wife." - Sansa IV, AGOT

Envy is something less present in Sansa's case, but I dare to think there is still a little of it lingering in her feelings. As if we had a cross involving affections and what is perceived by each Stark sister as a special relationship or favouritism between their fraternal foe and a respective parent.

One day she came back grinning her horsey grin, her hair all tangled and her clothes covered in mud, clutching a raggedy bunch of purple and green flowers for Father.  - Sansa II, AGOT

There is envy perhaps not of the relationship itself, but of the liberation that comes with it, but I don't even think this is actually Eddard's fault, I think this has more to do with the overall social conditioning of girlhood in Westeros and with another adult.

Ⅱ. Ⅲ. SEPTA MORDANE AND THE SOCIAL CONDITIONING

Septa Mordane sees Sansa as an exemplary student and she has reasons to do so. Sansa is a good and well mannered girls who fits into the model Septa Mordane is trying to shape the girls into. She performs her assigned gender roles with grace and is willingly doing so. Sansa enjoys being a Lady, it makes her feel worthy and it allows her to daydream and enjoy romantic hobbies like poetry or singing.

Arya doesn't. Partially because she rejects that model, partially because she id rejected by that model. I don't know what came first.

And yet, Sansa also sometimes seems to feel encaged by that model and by the Septa's teachings. And often, when Sansa does something that contradicts this model of conduct that she usually likes following, her thoughts go to Arya. She compares herself or gets compared to Arya, not necessarily in a pejorative manner, but almost seeing her sister as a little devil on her shoulder.

The kitchen yielded no lemon cakes, but they did find half of a cold strawberry pie, and that was almost as good. They ate it on the tower steps, giggling and gossiping and sharing secrets, and Sansa went to bed that night feeling almost as wicked as Arya. - Sansa III, AGOT

Sansa sighed. "They rode with Lord Beric, to behead Ser Gregor Clegane." She turned to Septa Mordane, who was eating porridge with a wooden spoon. "Septa, will Lord Beric spike Ser Gregor's head on his own gate or bring it back here for the king?" She and Jeyne Poole had been arguing over that last night. The septa was horror-struck. "A lady does not discuss such things over her porridge. Where are your courtesies, Sansa? I swear, of late you've been near as bad as your sister." - Sansa III, AGOT

"It was for love," Sansa said in a rush. "Father wouldn't even give me leave to say farewell." She was the good girl, the obedient girl, but she had felt as wicked as Arya that morning, sneaking away from Septa Mordane, defying her lord father. - Sansa IV, AGOT

And who is usually disapproving of Arya's ways and telling her she puts them to shame?

Septa Mordane called after her. "Arya, come back here! Don't you take another step! Your lady mother will hear of this. In front of our royal princess too! You'll shame us all!" - Arya I, AGOT

And knowing how much Sansa cares about the way she is perceived by others, I can imagine Sansa thinking in frustration that it's unfair she gets reprimanded for these type of things when Arya does them all the time without realising that Arya suffers constantly because if it. It's just that they are less common in Sansa, so people are more surprised and "hopeful" of rectifying them. Septa Mordane almost looks at Arya as a lost cause. When she nags at Sansa it's because she wants to avoid Sansa becoming another lost cause.

And it's not that Septa Mordane is an evil witch trying to make Arya's life impossible. As much as I dislike Eddard Stark, I agree with him. This woman is just doing the job he and Cat tasked her to do. It's that she is part of an institution where girls like Arya aren't as valued as girls like Sansa.

Personally, I think she is one of the people carrying the most responsibility over Arya's bullying. I wouldn't say she participates in it, but she enables it.

During AGOT Arya describes Septa Mordane in an unflattering way and it is one of the few occasions where I don't think I should fully trust her POV, because yes, this woman is antagonistic to Arya, but I don't think she hates her.

"Septa Mordane is beside herself with fear. She's in the sept praying for your safe return." - Arya III, AGOT

I think, in her own flawed way, she is trying to "help" Arya adapt into conventional views of gender and Arya is having none of that (good for her!).

"Just where do you think you are going, Arya?" the septa demanded. Arya glared at her. "I have to go shoe a horse," she said sweetly, taking a brief satisfaction in the shock on the septa's face. Then she whirled and made her exit, running down the steps as fast as her feet would take her. - Arya I, AGOT

"Pray, where do you think you are going, young lady?" Septa Mordane asked. "I'm not hungry." Arya found it an effort to remember her courtesies. "May I be excused, please?" she recited stiffly. "You may not," the septa said. "You have scarcely touched your food. You will sit down and clean your plate." "You clean it!" Before anyone could stop her, Arya bolted for the door as the men laughed and Septa Mordane called loudly after her, her voice rising higher and higher. - Arya II, AGOT

Arya spun around, with Needle in her hand. "You better not come in here!" she warned. She slashed at the air savagely. "The Hand will hear of this!" Septa Mordane raged. "I don't care," Arya screamed. "Go away." - Arya II, AGOT

Poor woman is so frustrated with her job she one day passes out drunk on the table.

And I think Sansa suffers under her too, not because she dislikes the customs and views on femininity - she often recalls on Septa Mordane's teachings in moments of emotional need (Lady's armour is courtesy, find the beauty in every man) - but I think that as readers we can see how those are harming for her too.

"I've never seen an aurochs," Sansa said, feeding a piece of bacon to Lady under the table. The direwolf took it from her hand, as delicate as a queen. Septa Mordane sniffed in disapproval. "A noble lady does not feed dogs at her table," she said, breaking off another piece of comb and letting the honey drip down onto her bread. - Sansa II, AGOT

Sansa cried as Septa Mordane marched them down the steps. They were going to take it all away; the tournaments and the court and her prince, everything, they were going to send her back to the bleak grey walls of Winterfell and lock her up forever. Her life was over before it had begun. "Stop that weeping, child," Septa Mordane said sternly. "I am certain your lord father knows what is best for you." - Sansa III, AGOT

That one last passage drives me wild when it comes to Jeyne Poole and you'll see why later.

So basically, Septa Mordane antagonises Arya for her failings as her student. The class (Beth, Sansa & Jeyne) emulates the teacher's disapproval and distaste, Sansa feels embarrassed by association and Jeyne Poole takes advantage of the situation and targets Arya.

And now I can finally get to the true object of my obsession here, beloved middle school mean girl:

Ⅲ. Jeyne Poole and her many mixed emotions

As said, I feel so weird about my love for this girl. People call Theon a "poor little meow meow" but when I first read these books I didn't see him as an anti-hero/minor-villain during ACOK, but more of my avenging hero. I had tears of rage when he was threatening to hang Beth but I was also weirdly cheering for him. Jeyne on the other hand, she is my poor little meow meow! She is my problematic fave! And she makes me cry like crazy and I hope she has the happiest ending in these goddamn books.

I probably feel more attached to her than I feel to Arya and Sansa. I don't understand this. Anyway, I have two possible assumptions for why Jeyne is always antagonising Arya. And yes, she IS ANTAGONISING Arya, even when Arya is no longer there.

"What are you talking about?" Arya asked suddenly. Jeyne gave her a startled look, then giggled. Sansa looked abashed. Beth blushed. No one answered. - Arya I, AGOT

Sansa was too well bred to smile at her sister's disgrace, but Jeyne was smirking on her behalf. - Arya I, AGOT

Jeyne used to call her Arya Horseface, and neigh whenever she came near. - Arya I, AGOT

Jeyne Poole had told Arya that he'd cut him up in so many pieces that they'd given him back to the butcher in a bag, and at first the poor man had thought it was a pig they'd slaughtered.  - Arya II, AGOT

It was all her fault, everything bad that had happened. Sansa said so, and Jeyne too. - Arya II, AGOT

"I saw your sister this afternoon," Jeyne blurted out, as if she'd been reading Sansa's thoughts. "She was walking through the stables on her hands. Why would she do a thing like that?" - Sansa III, AGOT

"I will be a better wife than the real Arya could have been, he'll see." - The Prince of Winterfell, ADWD

"Arya Underfoot. Your sister used to call you Arya Horseface." "It was me made up that name. Her face was long and horsey. Mine isn't. I was pretty." - The Prince of Winterfell, ADWD

You know, this entire thing started because I wanted to make a stupid joke but then I got more emotional and invested into this as I wrote, and now we are here and I don't even remember the actual joke I wanted to make so I have to improvise with the thing above.

I don't believe this is true either. There are absolutely no canon indications for Jeyne to have had been dealing with comphet and bullying Arya because of a crush (there is a rather fun fanfic though!) (and there is another but with angstier and subtler vibes and it's Theyne + Jeynsa). Although, in my opinion, there are a few other things; like class envy and projection!

Ⅲ. Ⅰ. JEYNE POOLE'S CLASS ENVY

I think hers is the most obvious case of envy, but unlike the envy between the Stark sisters it doesn't come from a place of emotional insecurity, but of socio-economical discomfort.

That is why I included "Beric Dondarrion" [insert highborn lord/knight] in that mind map.

Jeyne isn't envious of Arya's relationship with Ned Stark and much less of her skills. Jeyne is envious, and perhaps even particularly resentful, of the fact that Arya is offered AND rejects what Jeyne wishes but will always stay out of her reach.

I have joked about Jeyne's crush on Beric (and her possible implied crushes on Robb & Theon) in the past but I don't think I ever mentioned the class envy when doing so.

When [Jeyne] saw young Lord Beric Dondarrion, with his hair like red gold and his black shield slashed by lightning, she pronounced herself willing to marry him on the instant. - Sansa II, AGOT

She had seen Jeyne Poole giving [Robb] moist-eyed glances, and some of the serving girls, even ones as old as eighteen… - Catelyn XI, AGOT

"Help me." [Jeyne] clutched at [Theon]. "Please. I used to watch you in the yard, playing with your swords. You were so handsome." - The Prince of Winterfell, ADWD

All the men she seems to at some point in her life experience some form of attraction for, even if it is that of a child, it's a puppy crush, just infatuation, are people she would never have a chance with. Two (theoretically) future lord paramounts and a marcher lord. All of them unachievable to a steward's daughter. And with that in consideration, let's look at this:

Arya cocked her head to one side. "Can I be a king's councillor and build castles and become the High Septon?" "You," Ned said, kissing her lightly on the brow, "will marry a king and rule his castle, and your sons will be knights and princes and lords and, yes, perhaps even a High Septon." Arya screwed up her face. "No," she said, "that's Sansa." She folded up her right leg and resumed her balancing. Ned sighed and left her there. - Eddard V, AGOT

And I wonder how frustrating that must feel to Jeyne. To see someone who she deems as inferior in skills and manners because of the conditioning they've gone through under Septa Mordane's tutelage, someone who she considers beneath her, be offered and forced things she desperately wants and will never get.

Hell, Jeyne even manifests some juridical administrative knowledge and argues with Sansa about it, something she won't get to do as an adult woman, while Sansa and Arya will rule (their husband's) castles.

"Father's leg, silly. It hurts him ever so much, it makes him cross. Otherwise I'm certain he would have sent Ser Loras." [...] "Ser Ilyn's the King's Justice, not Ser Loras," Jeyne said. "Lord Eddard should have sent him." - Sansa III, AGOT

Not that any of them would be good at ruling anything, they are all middle schoolers at this point, but I think she could have felt vexed at constantly seeing Arya reject all that she wishes she could have for herself.

Please don't misunderstand me, that is still not a valid reason to bully Arya.

There are no valid reasons to bully a child.

But there are reasons behind Jeyne's mentality and actions, and I think some of those reasons come from a sense of resentment over how "easy" things are for Arya because of her status as Lord Stark's daughter.

As Arya Stark, Jeyne's dreams come true, she marries the future paramount Lord of Winterfell and twisted wish fulfilment is one hell of a drug and not one strong enough to numb the pain! And to add insult to injury, the real Arya gets to spend a significant amount of time accompanying Beric Dondarrion and his band of merry men. I fucking hate this!

And while I think that this is the main aspect of Jeyne bullying Arya, there is something more which I haven't seen written elsewhere and I am willing to admit it could be a sketchy interpretation, but I would like to talk about it anyway because it's MY inane post and I get to choose the straws I grasp at!

Ⅲ. Ⅱ. JEYNE POOLE'S LOOKS

We don't have a lot of physical descriptions for Jeyne. Her eyes are the most remarkable feature about her, being described as big, brown and expressive by Theon and Jaime. Sansa and Holly consider her pretty. Theon calls her beautiful, but only when prompted by Ramsay and it's not very believable. In his thoughts he previously claims she is no longer pretty because of the slashes on her back. I don't know how seriously he means this, but I find it remarkable. Asides from that she is described as a skinny, pale, brown haired girl. She describes herself as formerly pretty but not beautiful and when doing so compares herself to Sansa and sees herself as the lesser of the two. And yet, the entire ruse she is later involved in with this pseudo-karmic punishment, is based on her looking similar enough to Arya or the Stark look to pass as one. I always thought it was so extremely funny how defensive she gets when she claims her face isn't horsey, at the mere mention of the "horseface" nickname, even without Theon telling her she looks horsey.

I don't know. It is probably that I'm looking into this with more depth than I should simply because of...obvious reasonsfsgfgsfsghgdnfjdhdf, but who sometimes makes remarks about the Stark look being one of bastards and plain-looking-people?

[Arya] even looked like Jon, with the long face and brown hair of the Starks, and nothing of their lady mother in her face or her coloring. And Jon's mother had been common, or so people whispered.- Sansa I, AGOT

My lord father found some skinny northern girl more or less the same age with more or less the same coloring. - Jaime IX, ASOS

"You [Arya] ought to marry Hodor, you're just like him, stupid and hairy and ugly!" - Sansa III, AGOT

Imagining little Sansa Stark going to vent to little Jeyne Poole after having an argument with her sister and making a perhaps not even genuinely meant comment about little Arya Stark's looks and Jeyne just sitting there mentally competing against Stannis Baratheon in who can grind their teeth the hardest.

While there are no instances of Sansa calling Arya "Horseface" she sometimes remarks to herself and to her sister that she thinks Arya is ugly and looks like a commoner.

And who has class insecurities and also seems to look similar to Arya?

"Jeyne, Jeyne, it rhymes with plain..." I can already imagine her whispering that to herself if she ever hears Theon's rhymes.

"I was never beautiful like Sansa, but they all said I was pretty. Does Lord Ramsay think I am pretty?" - The Prince of Winterfell, ADWD

The only thing Jeyne seems to really have going for her compared to Arya, the thing that could miraculously elevate her, are her looks and even those pale compared to Sansa. As said, she is described as pretty by some, but not beautiful.

In my opinion, the text doesn't really describe Arya as ugly. It is somewhat left up to interpretation since, while Sansa, Cat, Theon and Arya herself give us the impression she might be, there are also textual comparisons to Lyanna and even people who didn't know her think of Arya as beautiful (Lady Smallwood), but since these girls grew up the way they grew up...

I can imagine Jeyne feeling like her "prettiness" is the one thing she thinks can be used to make her more valuable in Westerosi society, and in order to keep that idea of herself being prettier than Arya, she has to make sure Arya doesn't feel good about her looks, so she calls her horseface.

And, if going by this entire text that I've been writing because I am stupid, that is also completely self-destructive and tragicomical !!!

Basically I think it is possible that Jeyne is projecting her own insecurities regarding her looks and her overall sense of inferiority compared to Sansa unto Arya.

And Jeyne has reasons to feel inferior to Sansa beyond simply the class hierarchy and the possible feeling of unattractiveness, because - and now I will get blocked by another load of people if this is read- Sansa is not very good at being a friend to her!

Ⅳ. The Sansa-Jeyne Dynamic

This is one of those things that completely baffles me, same as the Theon-Robb dynamic, where I have no idea how it is possible that my perception in the past ten years has been so drastically different from the majority of the fandom. And I swear to god, I've tried to change my perspective, I read metas, I tried fanfics, and I still don't get it.

This years Sansa month dedicated an entire day to Jeyne Poole.

Someone who is not very well acquainted with the books would probably assume Jeyne Poole is a very important girl in Sansa's narrative based on that information. They'd probably be surprised to find out that, since the two girls were separated, Jeyne Poole is remembered a total number of four times by Sansa Stark.

Sansa thinks of Jeyne Poole a total of four (4) times since AGOT.

In the span of four books in which both Stark sisters go through terribly drastic changes in their lives, Arya thinks of the girl who bullied her three times.

Sansa who loves and misses Jeyne thinks of her four times.

And you are telling me that she is so important to Sansa that she deserves an entire day dedicated to her? And everything that is created in that day is about how Sansa loves her so much and cares for her tremendously and will protect her?

PERSON D: It's because Sansa is traumatised. It pains her too much to think of her. Not thinking of her is a coping mechanism.

"She missed Septa Mordane, and even more Jeyne Poole, her truest friend. The septa had lost her head with the rest, for the crime of serving House Stark. Sansa did not know what had happened to Jeyne, who had disappeared from her rooms afterward, never to be mentioned again. She tried not to think of them too often, yet sometimes the memories came unbidden, and then it was hard to hold back the tears." - Sansa II, ACOK

Person D: See?

Probably! I don't oppose that interpretation, it's very possible. People often suppress painful memories. But I can still disapprove of that coping mechanism. Would you like it if you suddenly disappeared form the face of earth in extremely mysterious circumstances and your friend wouldn't even ask about what happened to you? I don't think I would feel loved and treasured if I were to know that.

I don't like the way their dynamic is perceived by a majority of the fandom based on those four thoughts and the few other times we seen them interact in AGOT.

Person E: Oh OP is just posting anti-Jeynsa stuff because they ship Jeyne, A CHILD, with Theon, AN ADULT MAN AND RAPIST!

I wouldn't consider this anti-Jeynsa since

This is what makes their dynamic intriguing for me. This is the type of Jeynsa I'm into!!!

I don't think their relationship in inherently wrong or that it would be morally condemnable.

Also I don't even really ship Theon & Jeyne as an endgame romantic/sexual ship, not that it wowuld be morally wrong for anyone to do so. I "ship" it as a very turbulent dynamic between two people who have been forced to bond by the horrible circumstances they have been in and who have had the boundaries that define certain relationship dynamics blurred in some very traumatic ways. I "ship it" in the sense that I would like to see both of them find some tranquility and peace in their lives and try to explore which of those blurred boundaries they wish to reestablish, keep blurred or fully erase. Hell, I wrote a 100k fanfic focusing on their relationship and didn't even let them be endgame. I didn't even let them be actually in love.

It's just that "cute, loving, soft, homoromantic childhood best friends" isn't the dynamic I'm usually interested in.

And I don't think the Jeynsa dynamic is that.

I think there are class issues and inferiorities to be explored. I think Sansa is true in her affections for Jeyne, she loves her and sees her as a friend, but she is also diminishing and tends to look down on her, and regardless if it is a coping mechanism or not, she shows no interest in finding out what happened to who she considers her "truest friend".

And I don't believe Sansa is a bad person for this, I believe she is a young girl. Relationships between women are complicated enough already. Relationships between pre-teen and teen girls have entire studies dedicated to them.

Person F: How much would Sansa even consider her as a bff? In their bullying of Arya, Jeyne comes across as the acolyte to Queen Bea Sansa. And that's just modern projection. Jeyne is from a minor house. She's just a steward's daughter. She's just slightly above a servant in feudalist hierarchy. She's assigned to be her "friend" coz she's conveniently the same age, and that's just what you did then. Like "milk-siblings", servants who shared a wetnurse with a lord. (1/2)(2/2) Lower houses are fancy domesticity to the greater houses. The great nobility is fancy domesticity to royalty. That's just how feudalism worked. Everyone was thought of as a servant, the entirety of society was built on a network of servitude and dependance. Even the king is a servant: to God. Or "Gods" in the case of ASOIAF. Hence all the conclicts between church and royalty.

I saw this comment a while ago on a Tumblr post (I'm not putting a source link because I don't believe that would be fair to them and also it's older than a year) and I don't like it.

I think it is unfairly villainising Sansa and also removing Jeyne's agency in that situation by putting her as an "acolyte" (assistant, follower), when the composition of our first scene involving them, in my opinion, shows her as an adviser. I also don't like how it is pretending that Jeyne is being forced to be Sansa's friend and if going by that logic, then why isn't Beth being forced to be Arya's friend?

I disagree with it. I think it simplifies a more complex situation.

But I wish we were allowed to explore the less wholesome aspects in the Jeyne-Sansa dynamic without being instantaneously labeled as a Sansa-anti and it is what I'll attempt.

Something I always found very endearing and relatable about Sansa was how much she craved for friends - especially female friends - since she is left alone in King's Landing.

It had been so long since she had enjoyed the company of other women, she had almost forgotten how pleasant it could be. - Sansa II, ASOS

How am I supposed not to feel my heart ache in bittersweetness? My favourite Sansa "friendship" is actually the one she builds with Garlan Tyrell, but this is a moment of bliss.

It's interesting how Sansa often finds amusement in female friends who act very differently from how she does, but as her character evolves in the books her feelings for those types of companions also seem to change.

We have Jeyne, Margaery and Myranda, as her "friends", characters with whom she experiences very different dynamics and I think it is at least partially involved with their classes too.

Jeyne is the one she treats the most poorly, in my opinion. Ignoring how little she thinks of her after Jeyne is taken away by Littlefinger, let's see some of their previous interactions and let's also keep in mind that Sansa is (at most) a 12-year-old girl not having a very good time and she deserves compassion:

[...] Jeyne and Sansa cried out in unison as riders crashed together, lances exploding into splinters while the commons screamed for their favorites. Jeyne covered her eyes whenever a man fell, like a frightened little girl, but Sansa was made of sterner stuff. A great lady knew how to behave at tournaments. Even Septa Mordane noted her composure and nodded in approval. - Sansa II, AGOT

Sansa feels superior to Jeyne for staying calm at the face of violence. This will become a pattern.

Jeyne Poole wept so hysterically that Septa Mordane finally took her off to regain her composure, but Sansa sat with her hands folded in her lap, watching with a strange fascination. [...] By then Septa Mordane had returned, alone. Jeyne had been feeling ill, she explained; she had helped her back to the castle. Sansa had almost forgotten about Jeyne. - Sansa II, AGOT

Jeyne is hysterical after seeing a man die at the tourney, Sansa isn't very concerned for her friend's mental state.

"His leg?" Jeyne said uncertainly. She was a pretty, dark-haired girl of Sansa's own age. "Did Ser Loras hurt his leg?" "Not his leg," Sansa said, nibbling delicately at a chicken leg. "Father's leg, silly. It hurts him ever so much, it makes him cross. Otherwise I'm certain he would have sent Ser Loras." - Sansa III, AGOT

"Silly". It could be solely meant with endearment, but throughout that scene Sansa is in a bad mood and I wonder how Jeyne might have perceived it given she continues arguing with her about juridical administration and contradicts Sansa.

Of course, Jeyne had been in love with Lord Beric ever since she had first glimpsed him in the lists. Sansa thought she was being silly; Jeyne was only a steward's daughter, after all, and no matter how much she mooned after him, Lord Beric would never look at someone so far beneath him, even if she hadn't been half his age. - Sansa III, AGOT

Again, "silly", and this time with a slightly classist connotation. And the saddest thing is that Sansa is right, but she often daydreams of unrealistic or impossible romantic scenarios herself and had a crush on Waymar Royce, a man who was older than her, of lower nobility and about to make a vow of celibacy. Why is Jeyne the silly one for daydreaming?

"They're killing everyone," the steward's daughter had shrieked at her. She went on and on. The Hound had broken down her door with a warhammer, she said. There were bodies on the stair of the Tower of the Hand, and the steps were slick with blood. Sansa dried her own tears as she struggled to comfort her friend. They went to sleep in the same bed, cradled in each other's arms like sisters. The second day was even worse. [...] The only sounds were Jeyne Poole's endless whimpers and sobs. - Sansa IV, AGOT

Jeyne Poole had been confined with her, but Jeyne was useless. Her face was puffy from all her crying, and she could not seem to stop sobbing about her father. "I'm certain your father is well," Sansa told her when she had finally gotten the dress buttoned right. "I'll ask the queen to let you see him." She thought that kindness might lift Jeyne's spirits, but the other girl just looked at her with red, swollen eyes and began to cry all the harder. She was such a child. - Sansa IV, AGOT

Remember what I said about Septa Mordane's "Stop weeping, child."? Sansa is vexed by her crying although Sansa cries herself, thinks of her as useless, she thinks demeaningly of Jeyne because she is crying after realising her father has been killed..

"Jeyne's scared," Sansa said. "She won't stop crying. I promised her I'd ask if she could see her father." - Sansa IV, AGOT

This feels like a twisted version of the first passage in this list. Sansa is scared herself, we know this because she was trembling as she dressed, but she speaks only of Jeyne's fear.

Jeyne Poole and all her things were gone when Ser Mandon Moore returned Sansa to the high tower of Maegor's Holdfast. No more weeping, she thought gratefully. - Sansa IV, AGOT

Sansa, love, I know you are very stressed out but come on open your eyes!

Somehow this reminds me a bit of a less extreme version of Theon's inconsistencies in thoughts and actions involving Jeyne in ADWD. He is very crude when thinking of her, but if you go through his actual treatment of her, he is surprisingly tender. The only exception I can think of for them is in TWOW.

With Sansa, I think it is similar, but whereas Theon is painfully aware of how perilous their lives as Ramsay's playthings are, Sansa constantly refuses to see the gravity of their situation and thus is dismissive of Jeyne in a moment where it becomes terribly cruel. I don't think she doesn't love Jeyne, of course, she does,

The kitchen yielded no lemon cakes, but they did find half of a cold strawberry pie, and that was almost as good. They ate it on the tower steps, giggling and gossiping and sharing secrets, - Sansa III, AGOT

"Where are you sending her? She hasn't done anything wrong, she's a good girl." - Sansa IV, AGOT

No more weeping, she thought gratefully. Yet somehow it seemed colder with Jeyne gone, even after she'd built a fire. - Sansa IV, AGOT

She missed Septa Mordane, and even more Jeyne Poole, her truest friend. [...] Sansa did not know what had happened to Jeyne, who had disappeared from her rooms afterward, never to be mentioned again. - Sansa II, ACOK

She sang for her mother and her father, for her grandfather Lord Hoster and her uncle Edmure Tully, for her friend Jeyne Poole, - Sansa V, ACOK

She had not had a friend to gossip with since poor Jeyne Poole. - Alayne II, AFFC

Remembering bright cold days at Winterfell, when she would race through Winterfell with her friend Jeyne Poole, with Arya running after them trying to keep up. - Alayne I, TWOW

I think Sansa just sometimes takes her for granted.

I think it's sad because it's realistic and it hurts even more when you compare her treatment of Jeyne to her treatment of Margaery and Myranda after going through a period of hostile isolation and a heartbreaking customary middle school betrayal, two things that I believe influence her feelings for both girls.

With Margaery and her posse, she is idealistic. She considers Margaery to be kind, brave and wise, and finds bliss (and a little bit of envy and gayness, ooooh) in the company of her ladies.

Margaery's kindness had been unfailing, and her presence changed everything. Her ladies welcomed Sansa as well. It had been so long since she had enjoyed the company of other women, she had almost forgotten how pleasant it could be. Lady Leonette gave her lessons on the high harp, and Lady Janna shared all the choice gossip. Merry Crane always had an amusing story, and little Lady Bulwer reminded her of Arya, though not so fierce. Closest to Sansa's own age were the cousins Elinor, Alla, and Megga, Tyrells from junior branches of the House. "Roses from lower on the bush," quipped Elinor, who was witty and willowy. Megga was round and loud, Alla shy and pretty, but Elinor ruled the three by right of womanhood; she was a maiden flowered, whereas Megga and Alla were mere girls. The cousins took Sansa into their company as if they had known her all their lives. They spent long afternoons doing needlework and talking over lemon cakes and honeyed wine, played at tiles of an evening, sang together in the castle sept ... and often one or two of them would be chosen to share Margaery's bed, where they would whisper half the night away. Alla had a lovely voice, and when coaxed would play the woodharp and sing songs of chivalry and lost loves. Megga couldn't sing, but she was mad to be kissed. She and Alla played a kissing game sometimes, she confessed, but it wasn't the same as kissing a man, much less a king. - Sansa II, ASOS

There is a direct comparison to Arya, mentions of many of Sansa's hobbies, some sapphicness, and if I squint my eyes the needlework and lemon cakes remind me of Jeyne & Beth. And then...Sansa is made to marry Tyrion and that match frustrates the Tyrell's ambitions.

And here Sansa found the Tyrells. Margaery gave her such a sad look, and when the Queen of Thorns tottered in between Left and Right, she never looked at her at all. Elinor, Alla, and Megga seemed determined not to know her. My friends, Sansa thought bitterly. - Sansa III, ASOS

After that emotional betrayal, Sansa spends more time of isolation and this time it's even more depressing in my opinion. The few people who show her kindness are also somewhat compliant in her misery and then she gets abducted by Petyr Baelish and has to take the role of his bastard daughter, Alayne Stone. Under this guise she meets Myranda Royce and Mya Stone.

While I would say she befriends both girls, her connection with Randa resembles that which she had with Jeyne and Margaery more than her connection with Mya. Both of them share some common interests and Myranda, isn't disdainful at all of her supposed bastardy.

Person G: That's because she is cunning and suspects Alayne is actually highborn.

I'm not so convinced by that argument! She is described of being as closes as sisters with Mya Stone, another bastard.

Sansa's distrust for Myranda is, in my opinion, only partially fuelled by Littlefinger's words.

"Soon or late you must meet Myranda Royce," Petyr had warned her. "When you do, be careful. She likes to play the merry fool, but underneath she's shrewder than her father. Guard your tongue around her." - Alayne II, AFFC

I think her distrust comes mostly from her last close homosocial relationship having been a farce, from feeling manipulated, used and deceived. And that mistrust remains but is worn down by Randa's warm personality.

I think there is is something very sweet about comparing the following passages:

Sansa knelt at the feet of her future queen. "You do me great honor, Your Grace." "Won't you call me Margaery? Please, rise. Loras, help the Lady Sansa to her feet. Might I call you Sansa?" - Sansa I, ASOS

"Kind?" The older girl gave a laugh. "How boring that would be. I aspire to be wicked. You must tell me all your secrets on the ride down. May I call you Alayne?" "If you wish, my lady." But you'll get no secrets from me. "I am 'my lady' at the Gates, but up here on the mountain you may call me Randa. How many years have you, Alayne?" [...] "As you say, my lady." "Randa. Come now, you can say it. Ran. Da." "Randa." - Alayne II, AFFC

It's curious how in both cases there is this chance of friendship being offered to Sansa by a girl who has a higher rank than her but one is done much more courteously than the other. Sansa never calls Myranda "Randa" again, but as she warms up to her she begins referring to her as such in the narration. I think that is very heartwarming.

Maybe it is stupid to complain about the idealisation of a flawed friendship in these books, but I think the reason it annoys me so much is because it removes this type of development in Sansa's socialising. Her interactions with Myranda are delightful to read and I think it's the healthiest friendship she has formed yet.

And Myranda also embodies aspects of Margaery and Jeyne, so it's an even funnier conclusion. She is a little bit less ladylike than Sansa, but is still comfortable with her gender and the assigned roles, she is a little foul mouthed, she likes to gossip and to take friends to her bed (in an apparent not-sexual way).

"Lothor Brune?" Myranda raised an eyebrow. "Does she know?" She did not wait for an answer. "He has no hope, poor man. My father's tried to make a match for Mya, but she'll have none of them. She is half mule, that one." Despite herself, Alayne found herself warming to the older girl. She had not had a friend to gossip with since poor Jeyne Poole. "Do you think Ser Lothor likes her as she is, in mail and leather?" she asked the older girl, who seemed so worldly-wise. "Or does he dream of her draped in silks and velvets?" "He's a man. He dreams of her naked." She is trying to make me blush again. Lady Myranda must have heard her thoughts. "You do turn such a pretty shade of pink. When I blush I look quite like an apple. I have not blushed for years, though." She leaned closer. "Does your father plan to wed again?" - Alayne II, AFFC

Even Lady Myranda began to yawn and complain of being weary. "We have apartments prepared for all of you," she told Alayne, "but if you like you may share my bed tonight. It's large enough for four." "I should be honored, my lady." "Randa. Count yourself fortunate that I'm so tired. All I want to do is curl up and go to sleep. Usually when ladies share my bed they have to pay a pillow tax and tell me all about the wicked things they've done." "What if they haven't done any wicked things?" "Why, then they must confess all the wicked things they want to do. Not you, of course. I can see how virtuous you are just by looking at those rosy cheeks and big blue eyes of yours." She yawned again. "I hope your feet are warm. I do hate bedmaids with cold feet." - Alayne II, AFFC

"I do hope you will forgive me for depriving you of Lady Myranda's company," Alayne told the knights. She did not wait for a reply, but took the older girl arm-in-arm and drew her away from the bench. Only when they were out of earshot did she whisper, "Do you really know where my father is?" "Of course not. Walk faster, my new suitors may be following." Myranda made a face. "Ossifer Lipps is the dullest knight in the Vale, but Uther Shett aspires to his laurels. I am praying they fight a duel for my hand, and kill each other." Alayne giggled. "Surely Lord Nestor would not seriously entertain a suit from such men." - Alayne I, TWOW

"Too late," Myranda said. "They're here. We shall need to do the honors by ourselves." She grinned. "Last one to the gate must marry Uther Shett." They made a race of it, dashing headlong across the yard and past the stables, skirts flapping, whilst knights and serving men alike looked on, and pigs and chickens scattered before them. It was most unladylike, but Alayne sound found herself laughing. For just a little while, as she ran, she forget who she was, and where, and found herself remembering bright cold days at Winterfell, when she would race through Winterfell with her friend Jeyne Poole, with Arya running after them trying to keep up. By the time they arrived at the gatehouse, both of them were red-faced and panting. Myranda had lost her cloak somewhere along the way. They were just in time. - Alayne I, TWOW 

I don't even ship them (Mya x Myranda and Sansa x Brienne ftw), and this doesn't have anything to do with the theme of whatever this text turned into, but I love their dynamic so much I would ship it if it became canon. It's adorable and funny and out of her dynamics with other girls, this one is my favourite.

We know that the Sansa-Margaery friendship turned out disappointingly, and some have the suspicion that Myranda could act as a new tormentor for Sansa, and I have no way to disprove that, but seeing her development in regards to female friendships makes me at least doubt it.

She took Jeyne for granted and was disdainful, spent a time of hostile isolation, met Margaery and her ladies, went through the horrors of idealisation and crashed against the truth, spent even more time alone and kept the wounds from her sorrow, and is now apparently finding a healthy friendship with Myranda Royce and I love that for her.

It makes me wonder how her feelings for Jeyne could evolve if they get to meet again, and whether she will be more conscious of how their friendship was flawed. Of how she should have probably tried to be more attentive to the dynamic between Jeyne & Arya, of how she perhaps shouldn't have been passive about Jeyne's bullying nor participated in it.

As I write I am checking everything in my journals and I couldn't find a single occasion in which we see Sansa calling Arya "Horseface", but I did however find her thinking of Arya's looks as "horsey" with a negative connotation:

Her long horsey face got the stubborn look that meant she was going to do something willful. [...] One day she came back grinning her horsey grin, her hair all tangled and her clothes covered in mud, clutching a raggedy bunch of purple and green flowers for Father.  - Sansa II, AGOT

She also giggles at and uses Jeyne's nicknames for Hobber and Horas Redwyne:

The Redwyne twins, Ser Horas and Ser Hobber, homely youths with orange hair and square, freckled faces. Sansa and Jeyne Poole used to call them Ser Horror and Ser Slobber, and giggle whenever they caught sight of them. - Arya V, AGOT

She recognized black-skinned Jalabhar Xho, gloomy Ser Aron Santagar, the Redwyne twins Horror and Slobber - Sansa V, ACOK

Paxter Redwyne, Lord of the Arbor, marched down the length of the hall flanked by his twin sons Horror and Slobber, - Sansa VIII, ACOK

And seeing her snicker at those names is already enough for me to pin her as a passive victimiser in their case. Even if she felt bad about it, something I could find no indication of. Sansa doesn't think of how painful it must be for them to be referred to that way, how dehumanising it is.

So, with that information, I don't think she's above having called Arya "Horseface".

Ⅴ. Adulthood

Where are the adults? Why is it that during the entire time we spend with these three girls under the care of Septa Mordane, Ned and Catelyn Stark and Vayon Poole we never see them taking action and putting a stop to this?

DontbotherwiththepronunciationRightNowRealisingTheySpentWayTooMuchFuckingTimeDevelopingAPunchlineTheyLost: Probably because this book isn't about medieval setting middle school bullying, you idiot! And there is a lot of really urgent stuff going on with the adults. Get over yourself.

Yeah...

But still! Prior to all that, prior to the story we've been reading, these characters existed in their own universe and in that universe, all these girls have been judged by adult society and have been set in a toxic environment that unintentionally allows and encourages the bullying.

I already explained that when talking about Septa Mordane.

My question now isn't whether we should fault the adults or not, but more about how this would have developed as Arya, Jeyne and Sansa all became adults.

Of corse, this is all speculation on a rather unimportant topic that has been discussed hundreds of times before and my opinion is probably somewhat tainted by lingering emotions, so yeah this might have been worthless but I couldn't sleep and it was a little fun.

Perhaps because of my own issues with bullying, which were handed very poorly by the adults who should have solved it, I like daydreaming about these three girls, all of who I like and wish good things upon, and wondering whether they would have been able to solve their problems as they matured into adulthood if their lives had remained peaceful. I sadly don't think they would have.

Throughout the entire text I wrote, I felt like walking on egg shells because, as you can probably see if you just look at my blog, I barely talk about Arya or Sansa and I know there is a lot of tension between fans of those characters and I didn't want to say anything that could feel offensive and somehow it was still surprisingly easy to write this. I think maybe it is because I don't relate to any of the characters, like I do with Theon or Barbrey, so I can distance myself from it a little more. On the other hand, this is a topic that still haunts me.

I really don't think they would have solved any of this if they had remained in Winterfell with things going the way they usually went.

But now, after being completely torn and victimised by war in extremely different ways that still somehow manage to bring similar themes to their stories (the always present threat of sexual abuse, the weaponising of a person, depersonalisation, dead parents, a broken home, losing their privileges as highborn, being saved by the Hound), once they reunite and are the only bonds that remains of a happier time, I think they could.

Maybe their newly found maturity and the despair born out of tragedy could make it easier to overcome all their past offences and forge a bond.

It's strange. I always go for the bitter, resentful and scorned women - I wonder why - (Barb, Cersei) or those who have aspects I can relate to cultural duality, immigration or rootlessness (Theon, Dany) but never for the more-or-less-happily-gender-conforming "damsel in distress", much less for one who reminds me of some of the worst people I've met, and yet out of the three girls involved in this she is the one I am the most attached to.

I think she mostly grew on me after I learnt she was omitted from the show and that her narrative was given to Sansa because that is such a cruel joke from D&D.

Jeyne Poole: Hey! I am the character meant to show how everyone is valuable, worthy and deserving of being saved and protected and how everyone matters and also to further develop Theon's character while functioning as a symbol of his culpability and regret of the three vilest things he has done(among other things of course)! D&D: Ok, we are cutting her because she is not important enough to matter. Give her plot to the barely adult red-headed Stark so Theon can find redemption by saving a Stark and getting a wolf pin and we can shiptease Sansa with a bunch of people and marketise her as an ice queen girlboss.

It's so mean it's a little funny. On a meta level I think she is the biggest loser in this series. I think that is why I like her so much. I liked her before I knew of that and I remember crying at @/croclock's art of her and Theon escaping (1) (2) (3), but I didn't feel as emotionally attached to her until after I found out.

I remember when I watched the show there was a scene that caused a lot of controversy that I can somehow relate to this.

Sandor Clegane: You've changed, Little Bird. None of it would have happened if you'd left King's Landing with me. No Littlefinger, no Ramsay... none of it. Sansa Stark: Without Littlefinger and Ramsay and the rest, I would have stayed a Little Bird all my life.

And of course this dialogue is gross and it doesn't make any sense in the books, and I still wrote it down on my journals because I think, maybe trying to be an optimist, that the message behind it was different than what was actually said???

It comes across as "I'm happy and grateful I was abused and raped" which is nauseating, obviously, but I think it was rather supposed to be more of a "All the choices I've made across my life and all the events that occurred through it have lead me here, to become the person I am today and I am proud of that person." which could still have been controversial, but is something I would have agreed with more, and it's not something I would only apply on these girls.

Maybe we'll get such a moment at some point with a better execution, hopefully, in the books.

#speaking #this escalated. #like to an entire different level I didn't knew existed #I just finished reading it and I honestly thin the fact this happened is better and funnier than whatever dumb joke I wanted to originally #make. I am so sorry for whoever opens the read more. This is hilarious #that's what a breakfast lunch and dinner consisting of ibuprofen and sink water will do to you #I feel like if I tag this I will get into trouble or at least blocked a lot so I will tag this as #Arya-Jeyne-Sansa thing #for now #I forgot the goddamn joke #My biggest fear about this is that it is so long no one will finish reading it (which would be kind of funny) #fuck it #I am posting it! #the narrative didn't doom me it just ditched me #Jeyne Poole #beth cassel #septa mordane #arya stark #sansa stark

[literallybyronic]

Otis IGCS DoF Tutorial for BG3

Today we're going to go over how to utilize Otis_Inf's IGCS DoF generator for BG3, available over on his Patreon along with his excellent camera tools suite (and many other suites for many other games, it's worth the sub imo.) While the camera tools themselves are pretty self explanatory if you look through the hotkeys, the DoF generator might be a little more confusing if you're not already familiar with how these types of filters work.

In case you find configuring the settings for this DoF generator a bit daunting, I put together this little toot to show you the options and what exactly they do. We're going to take a base frame and then show the steps for configuring and the differences between some of the settings. Let's start with our base shot:

Pardon the coloring/contrast, I had the Reshade set up for different lighting so it's a bit stark here, but that's not the focus of this tutorial.

Now let's take a look at the DoF session options and what they do:

Detailed breakdown of the options & process below the cut:

So the first thing you're going to do is set your bokeh size, as how far the deltas are from each other will change based on this size. When I say, "light circles", I'm referring to this effect:

Changing bokeh size will change how big these circles get, basically making the image appear more or less blurry in the distance. It also in effect changes how wide or narrow your focal depth is. I usually go for somewhere between .2-.4, but you can play around with it to find the setting you like. Just be aware that if you change it you will have to realign the focus deltas so try to do this first in your process so you don't have to realign over and over.

Next, on to focus deltas. WTF am I even talking about? Well, the way this generator works is it captures frames between multiple different angles and combines them to generate the field depth. When you first start the DoF session, you are going to see two versions of your image overlapped and offset from each other, each one from the opposite "end" of the angles the generator will be using, like this:

Aligning the focus deltas to match up with each other is how you pick where your image is focused. In most cases you will be using a character's eyes as your focal point, but you can make it anywhere, whatever spot you align the focus deltas on is what will be in focus. Here's the generated image with the focus on the character:

And here with the focus on the candle holder in the background:

As you can see, wherever you align the focal deltas is where the camera will be focused.

Now let's take a look at the magnifier tool:

This is basically just a zoom-in window so you can align the focus deltas more precisely. You can change its size and position to get it to where you're trying to adjust the focus. Move and resize it however you need so the point you want to focus on is in the window. Then move the focus delta values around until both versions of your focal point are aligned with each other. Now your image will focus on what you've chosen as the focal point.

Now, one thing with focus deltas is that if your focal "point" is spread across more than a single focal depth, you may need to "split the difference". For instance, due to the 3/4ths angle, the eyes here are at slightly different depths, so if you look at the edge of the face in the magnifier window you will see some slight pixel overlapping instead of it being lined up perfectly. Usually in the generated image this isn't noticeable, but you can exaggerate it using large bokeh size and focusing on a single point instead of splitting the difference if you want to get a super narrow DoF, where, for instance, only one side of the face is fully in focus.

So you've aligned your deltas. Now what does the rest of this stuff do? The rest of the settings affect the "light circles" created by the bokeh effect. This generator creates them by rendering tiny points of light in a circular formation. The first two settings affect how many points are in each circle. Let's take a look at how they compare when using lower quality settings vs higher:

Low quality:

vs high quality:

As you can see, in the lower quality image the "points" are clearly visible. However, higher quality settings take significantly longer to process as they utilize many more individual frames than lower quality. You can mess with these to find a balance of speed vs. quality that you prefer. Render order just changes the order the points are generated in, but I haven't found changing this to make too much of a difference.

Last two settings affect the brightness/contrast of the "light circles". Here are some examples of the same lights with different settings:

Not a huge difference, but I find that a sharper, more pronounced bokeh will give the image more of a "cinematic" feel since it's such a distinct effect caused by the way real cameras work.

Finally, let's go back to the setting I skipped over- the "Frames per frame" setting. If you are freezing the image with the camera tools beforehand, you will probably not need to mess with this setting. If you are taking screenshots without freezing the game, however, you may need to increase this setting slightly, otherwise the generator may not compensate for, say, your character shifting slightly during their idle animation, and the foreground will come out just as blurry as the background.

That's pretty much it. Hopefully this helps!

#baldur's gate #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #otis tools #otis_inf #reshade #bg3 modding #bg3 mods #screenarchery

[bthump]

Ok the Gutsca scene. The reason it parallels so heavily with the scene of Griffith in the lake isn't because it's all about Griffith, it's to illustrate how Griffith failed to grow as a person where Guts and Casca succeed through their mutual love for each other. Griffith in the lake is actively repressing his pain and trauma while putting on a persona and masking his true feelings from Casca and not accepting her help. Not only that but Griffith never fully shows his true self to anyone. 1/?

He shows it to Guts somewhat and Casca see's it in the lake scene but other than that they're always subjected to Griffith's persona and not the real man underneath making their connections to him not completely genuine. Whereas Guts and Casca's relationship is built on them opening up to each and letting themselves be fully vulnerable with each other, giving them both what they've truly wanted for their entire lives. A genuine connection and bond with another person who fully accepts them 2/?

Despite their flaws and traumatic pasts. And they both grow in the wounds chapters because they do let themselves be fully vulnerable, Casca pours out all of her emotions, insecurities and hang ups while Guts opens up about something he's repressed his entire life. There's no personas, no masks. Just a genuine connection or trust, honesty and acceptance between two people who have never truly had that before. With Guts accepting his vulnerability rather than hiding it like Griffith did

I disagree. Casca gets Griffith's persona so to her Guts' vulnerability is an improvement, but Guts gets Griffith's real self, and Griffith revealing his true self to Guts is a hugely significant theme of the Golden Age. Like it's the whole point of Tombstone of Flame, and it's the lynchpin of their entire friendship, from day one when Casca starts internally freaking out about how Griffith is acting so differently around Guts. He's still in denial about some things even to himself, but Guts gets the most genuine version of him Griffith has to offer, and that gets pretty genuine by the end of the war. Here's my detailed take if you care enough to read a long essay lol, here's a less detailed take on the idealization of Griffith and how it affects his relationship with Guts, and another take that discusses Griffith and all of the Hawks as well as Guts.

And here are some of my counterpoints re: your reading of Guts and Casca's relationship:

Guts and Casca's relationship can be seen as one of many mistakes leading to the Golden Age tragedy

Guts and Casca's relationship isn't great in the four days between fucking and Eclipse

Guts and Casca's relationship is built on an emotional imbalance that informs the trajectory of their relationship post-Eclipse

The stark flaws of Guts and Casca's relationship

How Guts and Casca only work in the absence of Griffith

It's possible that Miura intended for Guts and Casca to be a very positive, healing, and emotionally honest relationship and just failed to depict that very well, but tbh I doubt that. I don't want to go searching for links, you can find them in my 'interviews' tag generally anyway, but he has said that he had Guts and Casca get together for the sake of more Eclipse drama, only had Casca survive the Eclipse so Guts wouldn't be able to move on, and has described them as eternally in the stage before falling in love. None of that definitively means that Guts and Casca's relationship was meant to be heavily flawed from the start, but it does indicate that they're not meant to be a healthy happily ever after relationship so it lends weight to the flaws imo.

My take is that they're two friends hooking up with some sweet moments to sell the new relationship feelings, but ultimately doomed to failure even without the Eclipse, in part because they're not emotionally on the same page, and in part because while Casca may have been able to shift her feelings from Griffith to Guts, Guts never had any intention of moving on from Griffith himself - the whole point of his dream journey was to be his bff. Casca was one step on the road to that goal.

Anyway yeah, feel free to check these posts out if you're interested, and if not we'll have to agree to disagree here.

#ask #anonymous #a #b #ship: gtsca

[mischief-and-tea-by-the-sea]

Fandom asks for MCU <3! 3, 5 (Loki), 6, 9, 17 (Tony), 22 (Emma)

3. NoTP?

Scott Summers/Jean Grey, Logan/Jean Grey, Anyone/Jean Grey (I mean, if I have to have her around in a fic and shipped with anyone, it's usually another character I don't dig either), Steve Rogers/Peggy Carter, Anyone/Peggy Carter, Steve Rogers/Sharon Carter, Steve, Bucky, Sam/Brock Rumlow, Tony Stark/Pepper Potts (I mean, I can deal with their relationship as a past relationship turned best friends, but I'm not gonna read or write their ship as I think they weren't really healthy for each other - like Ross and Rachel.) Loki/Grandmaster (I will make references to it as a past thing that Loki did for survival but he hates it). Loki/Thor (There's some pretty-pretty artwork out there, and I will acknowledge that it's gorgeous and can enjoy it as artwork, but as an actual pairing, no. Just not my thing.)

5. Out of all your fanworks that include [Loki], which is your favourite?

Obviously, my on-going WIP series Hemispheres would be the top of that favorite list, but then I'd have to say I'm torn between these two:

What's on your mind, half of the time, (brother mine)

and

A little shy and sad of eye but very wise was he

Both of them feature Loki in vulnerable moments. The first one, he's like 5 and tiny and adorable and scared of the storm. He gets to meet a stranger who boosts his confidence a little. And the second one, he comes back after a grueling time in Asgard with Thor, who's still being far too bullying, and his friends and is really low about it, and Tony gathers everyone up to make a blanket fort (as Loki's never experienced one before), order Loki's favorite take-out, and watch movies to comfort him. Wholly self-indulgent on the comfort side.

6. Show us a bit of a WIP!

From "Too weird to live, too rare to die" (Justin Hammer/Loki)

“So Loki made friends with Natasha by helping her with mission stuff?” Justin roped them back around to the other topic. 

Nodding, he answered, “Yeah.  He did some spellwork for her.  Imbued it into a piece of jewelry that essentially all she’s gotta do is think about how she wants to look, and that’s how she looks.  The spell lasts as long as she needs it to, and then when she’s ready to not look different, she just thinks of herself and bam.  Nat again.  No more dying her hair unless she wants to, no more contacts, no more tech that can blitz out on her.” 

Justin looked impressed.  A little skeptical, him being a tech and science guy like Tony, especially tech, but still impressed.  He wondered how Loki’s ‘magic’ could be utilized in their own tech, but he figured Tony had already been thinking about that. 

“Nice.  Sounds like he’s much better as an ally than an adversary,” Justin remarked as he finished with the last of the dishes.  He dried his hands and hung up the towel again. 

Tony took in how easily Justin took on the domestic task of dishes.  Seems like he learned some humility in prison, after all, and wasn’t looking to be waited on anymore.  Perhaps there was hope for guys like them after all. 

“Much better as an ally, though don’t let the gentle smiles and the fun tea parties he has with Morgan fool you.  He’s still dangerous when he wants to be.  He’s like a cat.  Don’t rub him the wrong way or you’ll find his claws slashing your hamstrings,” he joked, but the serious look in Tony’s eyes said he wasn’t actually joking. 

Justin walked over to the fridge, grabbing a glass along the way, and filled it up with ice and water.  He took Tony’s glass from him to fill it up, too, and handed it back, refusing to see the pleasant surprise in that gaze that followed him around to take a seat at one of the tall chairs at the counter.  Cold, pure water rushed down his throat and gave him time to think of how to respond to what Tony said.  Setting the glass on the counter, Justin turned it around and around, watching as the water remained calm even in its movement. 

“You think Loki’s dangerous to people here and you let him stay?  He’s really close to Morgan from what I hear.  I don’t see him much.  Passing in the halls, when we eat.  That’s about it, but your kid adores him.”  Justin let out a breathy laugh.  “I think she adores all of us, though, so I think that’s just her.  Big heart.”  Like her dad. 

Moving across the kitchen so he could belly up to the counter next to Justin, Tony took a drink of his water and set the glass down.  Two men, both at one time consumed by the big buck, by reputation and prestige and power, by controlling the playing field where weapons and tech were concerned, rivals – not bitterly so but rivals nevertheless, now sitting side by side, drinking fucking water for fuck’s sake, when they used to be dripping in the finest whiskey and women.  Burying the hatchet, and not in each other’s skulls. 

Tony never would’ve believed it could happen, especially not after he and Rhodey had to face down Vanko and the shitstorm he brought that Justin bankrolled. 

It was kind of nice, though, given that one of the last people Tony’d wronged in the past had injected his ex with Extremis, which still made Pepper a fiery handful to deal with, but at least, they’d gotten a handle on it for her so that she did set people on fire with her fists anymore.  While he’d never specifically wronged Justin the way he had Aldrich Killian (and really wronged was a little strong for just saying he’d been a spoiled dismissive asshole), he had been a dismissive asshole, which pushed Justin to make one of the worst decisions of his life. 

“I don’t think Loki’s a danger to Morgan ever,” Tony finally stated and tilted his head to meet Justin’s curious stare.  “I don’t think Loki’s a danger to me or Bruce or probably not Thor anymore.  Not since we’ve all sorta ganged up on Thor and told him not to be a dick to his brother.  The stabbing’s stopped at any rate.  You, though.  He doesn’t know you well enough yet, so I’d just say...tread carefully.  You never know when you’ll end up on a mission with him.” 

“Yeah, about that,” a voice from behind them announced. 

Tony and Justin swiveled their seats. 

Phil Coulson met their eyes. 

9. Write a recommendation of someone else's fic you enjoyed!

Okay look, I have so many bookmarks and fics I could recommend that are tear-jerkers, kept me on the edge of my seat through months and months, that made me swoon, and I could easily give any and all of those. I could and I would! But this asks for one fic, and I'm gonna go with one that made me LOL so hard it woke up dog up from a nap in the other room and had my sister asking me if I was okay because for a second, I couldn't breathe.

Clark's Chicken by @kleenexwoman

I don't normally read DC fanfic. I like DC okay enough to know generally who the major players are, but I'm not invested. However, I am invested in my friends and their creative sparks, unless I'm just really not at all into a particular fandom. I can't really write a full review to say what it's about other than it's not exactly safe for work, definitely not for kids, though teenagers would love this, I think. I think that's why I love it - I'm still 12 and masturbation and fart jokes make me giggle. (There are no fart jokes in this, but discussion around masturbation is.) I want as many people as possible to read this fic because all the laughter in the world could finally heal humanity, I think, and if we could all laugh our asses off at this one, it could drive out the darkness all around us these days. Seriously, I believe this fic has the potential to lighten the world, to drive out the fascists, to heal the sick and sad, to build a protective bubble around the vulnerable - all through the laughter that this fic will grace people with. READ IT AND LEAVE KLEENEXWOMAN SOME LOVE ON IT.

17. What's a book, movie, or show you think [Tony] would like?

Book - American Gods - He really rooted for the New Gods at first, especially Technical Boy and Media, but somewhere in it, he really dug Mr. Wednesday, Mr. World (and especially Mr. World's reveal).

Movie - Real Genius

Show - McGyver (remake)

22. Give us a headcanon for [Emma]

So many people give Emma shit for being cold, stand-offish, and snobby, and because of this, Emma performs that to perfection. However, around those who see past this barrier, she's loving, warm, tender, kind, encouraging, compassionate, and has one of the biggest hearts they've ever met - and she uses her big bucks to take care of the people she loves.

Thanks for the asks!!!

Fandom Ask Game.

#Fandom Ask Game #stormxpadme #Thanks for the asks!

[esther-dot]

On Jonsa "foreshadowing," I think it's definitely there in the books that they will restore Winterfell together. The thing is though, it may not be the full-blown romantic foreshadowing that many of us want to see. I think it more likely that we will see even more the sacrifices involved on the part of Sansa than on GOT. In repayment for Jon's protection and selflessness, she will try to right her mother's wrongs by accepting Jon and seeing him through his dark night of the soul when he discovers who he really is. Their relationship will be critical for him in his decision to kill Dany. Sansa will try to save him from exile. I don't think their ending will be too much of a departure from what we already saw, but the tragedy and bittersweetness between them will be far more acute. Sansa will stand alone as Queen, at least for a time. She will never not be thinking of her "brother" to the north, and he will be left thinking of her.

(about this ask)

She will never not be thinking of her "brother" to the north, and he will be left thinking of her

(I’m not actually sure what these two are meant to be conveying but it’s a pretty good visual of me - hyperventilating and shrieking like a goat 😂)

I'm very open to Jonsa manifesting quite differently than the nicest, most straightforward way: angst pre parentage reveal as they develop feelings, marriage to resolve the Northern succession crisis, and a HEA once the Others and Dany are handled and they foist the hard work of ruling Westeros on their little brother as older siblings are want to do (I'm an older sibling, I'm allowed to make that joke!) I think we will some form of romantic Jonsa, but I see merits of each potential path, from a love they never act on to a HEA in Winterfell together.

If Jon is to be exiled or anything like, I think it has to be by his own choice for it to be a meaningful rather than enraging ending, but this,

"the tragedy and bittersweetness between them will be far more acute"

is kinda where I'm at these days. Martin talks about how much he likes tragedies, he's talked about how much he likes tragic romances, he finds meaning and beauty there, so I've accepted that might be the path he chooses for various reasons. Saying people will be happy with his ending is very different from saying his story has a happy ending. I mean, it will be hopeful and good, but when I think about what he might want tonally, I can see why I might not get the completely pat resolution I prefer.

I may have carelessly used the phrase myself at one point, but I just want to point out that the idea of "Cat's wrongs" is often influenced by D&D's version of the story, not Martin's. Cat was placed in an unusual, insulting, and I would argue, terrifying situation. Ned's actions with Jon were rather unusual, and he was installed at Winterfell before the heir.

Many men fathered bastards. Catelyn had grown up with that knowledge. It came as no surprise to her, in the first year of her marriage, to learn that Ned had fathered a child on some girl chance met on campaign. He had a man's needs, after all, and they had spent that year apart, Ned off at war in the south while she remained safe in her father's castle at Riverrun. Her thoughts were more of Robb, the infant at her breast, than of the husband she scarcely knew. He was welcome to whatever solace he might find between battles. And if his seed quickened, she expected he would see to the child's needs. He did more than that. The Starks were not like other men. Ned brought his bastard home with him, and called him "son" for all the north to see. When the wars were over at last, and Catelyn rode to Winterfell, Jon and his wet nurse had already taken up residence. That cut deep. (AGOT, Catelyn II)

As far as Cat knew, this was a sign of Ned’s greater love and loyalty to Jon’s mother and imagine having that thought, seeing what you believe is the evidence of that, and having the constant gnawing fear: what else might that love and loyalty demand? Cuz at this point, Cat doesn't know Ned. IMO, Cat would not be a believable character if she treated a child she saw as a direct threat to her son with total amicability. The scenario that she walked into through no choice of her own, by being handed from one man to another, and Cat's devotion to her kids, both preclude that as a believable response from her. Of course, I agree with you that there is...bitter irony in the daughter so like Cat being the one that Jon will fixate on post rez. There will be something healing, even poetic there.

My other thought after reading your message is that Jon has this whole thing about being called the "blood of Winterfell" and then it appears in Sansa's POV:

He was the blood of Winterfell, a man of the Night's Watch. (ASOS, Jon VI) I am Sansa Stark, Lord Eddard's daughter and Lady Catelyn's, the blood of Winterfell…. (AFFC, Sansa I)

If we see rebuilding Winterfell from snow, less a direct “they’re gonna restore it together” (impossible unless Jon will remain there for years with Sansa), and something less directly, like Jon helping Sansa retake it, I think we might want to expand the idea even further. Jon refused to take Winterfell when it was offered (saving the Weirwoods and protecting Sansa's claim), and Sansa refused to consummate her marriage to Tyrion (protecting Winterfell and the North from the Lannisters), so the fate of House Stark seems to rest with these two in particular. Maybe you’re right that taking back the North is all it is, but the fact that Sansa's body has become the fighting grounds for Winterfell (we have lots of castle euphemisms for sex and that’s how the Lannisters hoped to hold the North, with Sansa’s child) it makes the combo of the rebuilding Winterfell from snow scene & "the blood of Winterfell" expression potentially about more than the physical castle and more about the House Stark lineage. That is how it will truly be secure, and with the phrase presented in both their chapters, that might mean that regardless of exile or HEA, Jon will be a part of not just the retaking of the actual castle, but the euphemistic one as well, and play a part in the continuation of the Stark bloodline.

#dot chat

[trans-mephisto]

The somewhat popular theory that Lightning = Rin and why I personally don't buy it

(And my own theory)

So, quick disclaimer; this post isn't made with the intent of "ruining fun" or putting down other theorists in the fandom, but rather is simply me putting in my own two cents on a character. I'm very analytical and find this kind of thing fun! My essay is below the cut so I don't take up too much space in the fandom tag :]

Okay, starting with the reasons I really don't think Lewin is Rin from the future, which I've skimmed the manga to support my personal doubts.

First off, though they do share some similarities, Lewin and Rin still have distinct differences in their designs. One of the main things I took note of was the difference in their eye shapes. When his eyes are shown, Lightning has rounded eyes with small, thin irises, whereas Rin has angular eyes with larger irises. Examples below!

And these two images aren't far apart in chapters, so it's not anything like an art style change. Even so, eye shape is something that Kato doesn't really change drastically within her character designs.

Now, another thing is we actually see Lightning as a teenager during the whole flashback arc. He would be nineteen during this time, and we also have an image of Rin at eighteen (albeit in another timeline from the main one, but it generally doesn't matter). Though, again, kind of similar, there's still stark differences. The main ones again, being eye shape, Rin having round irises and Lewin having thin ones, and the fact Lewin is babyfaced compared to Rin having a slimmer face at nearly the same age.

Lastly, there's also their personalities. Lightning has always been mostly emotionless, intelligent, and analytical, whereas Rin at his core has always been very emotional, and no shade to Rin, has always been kind of stupid. Once again, they may have some similarities but their differences are more prevelant.

So, what gives? Who or what is Lewin?

Well, while thinking this over, I kind of stumbled across a character who I think is far more like Lightning personality-wise. Shiro Fujimoto.

There's many comparisons to be made between them, especially with younger Shiro. Perverted, tendencies towards violence, the fact they both generally don't seem to care till they're upset enough? Very similar. Although I definitely don't think they're one in the same, I do have suspicions that tie together as to why he's similar to Shiro, and to an extent, Rin and Yukio. And it's pretty simple.

They're related!

Now I don't mean anything like "Shiro's secret child" or "Rin or Yukio's child from the FUTURE" or anything like that, what I think is that he's simply the grandchild or a similar descendant to Azazel, and since Shiro was directly cloned from Azazel and Satan was also inhabiting an Azazel clone when Rin and Yukio were concieved, all the overlapping similarities make sense. And I have a TON of evidence to back this up.

First of all, Lewin has a very strong connection with demons to the point where it's often showed he has an easier time summoning them than any other tamer, even high-level entities.

For higher level demons, he doesn't have to finish the summon, and doesn't even need a verse in general for the low level demons.

Also, both these demon types are kin to Azazel.

Later on, we even learn that he has god-level demons (literally the gods of winds) as his familiars, and guess what? They're kin of Azazel.

So he has a very strong connection to Azazel's kin, and also Azazel himself.

During the Blue Night flashback, we see he was for some reason, a member of Azazel's group of Grigori represenatives.

Not just that, but he in general seems very close to Azazel. He mentions speaking to him, goes to visit him to calm down, calls him "old man" or "gramps", and when discovering Section 13's cloning secrets, at one point seems genuinely upset mentioning that the process of extracting Azazel's DNA probably led to his advanced crystalization. His soft spot for Azazel is obvious.

So in short, I do understand the connections Rin and Lewin share, and why it led to many people believing they were the same person. But after doing some digging, I believe the point was to hint at their relation and also draw parallels between his situation with Azazel and Rin's with Shiro.

Hope everyone enjoys reading my long-winded ramblings. :]

#meffy rambles #aoex #ao no exorcist #blue exorcist #theory #aoex spoilers #lewin light #long post

[bomberqueen17]

a true odyssey

ok well so. it's time to tell a long semi-pointless meandery story so buckle up. <3

mostly my job at the farm is to assist in the making of sausage, which happens two or three weeks every month, and when it happens it takes the whole week, y'dig, what with setup and cleanup and all that shit. but this is not a sausage week. this is the week between sausage and the next. and as it happens next week is the first chicken processing of the season, so like, a big deal. I've spent weeks slowly cleaning up the winter's mess in the slaughterhouse-- which is several rooms at the end of the barn, each of them cluttered with different types of detritus. I've spent hours washing things, putting things away, finding homes for things, tidying things, cleaning things, and my BIL has spent hours fixing broken things and helping me move heavy things that really need to not be where they are. It's looking pretty good in there.

But this week, now that the heavy lifting is mostly done, and most of the heavy cleaning is done, I've been mostly subsumed into bizarre odd jobs. Yesterday I learned how to use a woodchipper. I also did some light fence work, a stark contrast to the kind of fencing I learned in college. (Sabre and epee, then; now it's wire mesh and staples.)

And eggs; endless egg management. Mostly washing, and packing, and putting away, but some stock rotation too now and then.

This morning I was called away from my egg washing and prevailed upon to take a journey of about 40 minutes' drive each way, on a quest to obtain a new throttle cable for the New Holland tractor that VegMan needed for a task that had to be done as soon as possible and could not wait.

So the nearest New Holland dealership that stocks the part we needed is in Greenwich, NY. I haven't been there super often but it is exactly two towns over from where I grew up, so it's not exactly terra incognita. BIL gave me rough directions, and I immediately knew just what he meant. I put the address in my phone anyway, because I wouldn't know precisely where it was, but the bulk of the drive, I absolutely knew where everything was. So I left the directions in my phone and hit the road, and after about half an hour I'd passed through Schaghticoke and was headed north on 40 and was like "ok time to get Maps loaded" and tabbed over to the app and said take it away, my friend!

and it was like "make a right out of the farm driveway onto the main road" and like buddy i did that half an hour ago, please show me the current driving direction??? it would not do that. well, i don't need it to give me the turn by turn just show me where to go i guess, I thought, and then I looked and it was telling me to turn off Rte 40 and make a right, head east on the very next road.

The very next road was an unpaved road I happen to know meanders for a long distance before it ever connects with anything else. Doubt.jpg, I did not take the turn. I might mention, I grew up here, and I know fine fucking well where Greenwich is, and I had the utmost confidence that haring off into some unpaved Easton hinterland was not going to get me to the tractor dealership any faster than simply continuing on this very nice state highway. But it kept updating itself to show me turning right. Which I knew I did not need to do.

So I finally pulled over and tucked myself up in the DO NOT BLOCK DOORS DO NOT PARK HERE parking lot of the Easton volunteer fire department, and tried to restart Maps, which wasn't having any of it. I eventually had to hard-restart my whole phone.

And then it wouldn't come back up. It was just on the little loading thingy for ages, probably a minute and a half, but it was a long minute and a half, as those tend to be; with no other distractions, I stared bleakly at my seemingly-dead phone and had some contemplative thoughts.

I'm from here, is the thing. Like, if my phone won't come back up, I've come too far to turn back in defeat. I can't go home without the throttle cable. I can only go on. But I don't know how to get there. I don't think there's anywhere I can easily run in and ask someone for directions. (If there was a Stewarts I absolutely would but I knew there wasn't.)

But like. I cannot be lost this close to my fucking hometown. Route 40 is the street I learned how to shift into fifth gear on. Route 40 is the way I drove to school. I cannot get lost on Route 40.

Finally my phone came back on and I was like ok thank fucking god where the hell is capital tractor and it was like yo dummy you just drive up rte 40 for seven more miles and then make a right why are you being so weird about this

thanks bud. anyway, i clipped it back in its holder and got myself back on the highway

and about 20 feet later i almost hit a bald eagle that was swooping low over the road with something in its talons

so like i don't do augury so idk what that meant but i did make it and i did get that throttle cable and then i did make it back safely to the farm so who even knows

anyway your reward for reading is this photo I took of some lilacs at my mother's house:

[image description: some blooming lilacs, pale purple]

#about the author #long post

[illmetkismet]

I'm so sorry if you've talked about this before, but if not, i wanted to ask you what's your opinion on 4make Leon? Do you think he's still a bit like that 21 yr old rookie he was in Racoon City?

:)

Eeeeeee thank you for the ask!! I talked about the ways Leon changes between 2 and 4 a bit in this post (and specifically the second part in the reblog), but more in a general sense. To get more specific, I think re4r Leon still has the same core values he did when he was a baby boy rookie - he's kind, he's selfless, he wants to help people so badly - but Raccoon City made an open wound out of him, and the intervening years between then and when we meet him again in 4 have scabbed the wound over and then mangled him with emotional scar tissue.

Let's start with some good: re2r Leon had kind of a naive trust in authority figures that led him to do some shitty stuff. I'm thinking specifically not letting the reporter out of the holding cell, insisting he has to talk to Irons first, because there must be a reason he's in there, right? Even in the face of a zombie apocalypse, Rookie Leon was like, "The carceral system makes sense, actually." And I'm sure him helping Ada, and being so difficult to dissuade from doing so in the end, had to do not just with his crush on her, but also with her telling him she was FBI. The one time his easy trust of authority figures pays off is with Marvin, but let's not talk about that 🥺

Re4r, on the other hand, opens with Leon basically monologuing about how much he hates the government and then having an uneasy car ride with two cops. You get the distinct impression that he's trying to be civil but he finds the implication that they don't want to be there or help him kinda distasteful. He sees them for what they are: lazy country cops who don't take their duties seriously, and that ticks him off. So right off the bat we see a Leon who's kinda withdrawn (he spends most of the cutscene staring out the car window) and who hasn't retained that blind adoration of a police uniform.

Him meeting Luis and immediately clocking him as 'fishy' is another great character beat. In the OG he just takes Luis at his word about being a cop, but in the remake he asks Hunnigan to look into him, which not only shows us he's not as naive anymore, but actually helps advance their story and relationship in a way the OG never did. They get to have that confrontation later about Luis working for Umbrella, and then Leon has to work his way towards trusting Luis enough to rely on him for the medicine and for help getting to Ashley.

So he's less naive, which is the good, but the bad.... Oh man, the bad... Along with his naivete in 2, he was also kind of an optimist. That's been almost thoroughly beaten out of him by 4 - he's withdrawn, quiet, depressed, and traumatized. We see it so clearly because it stands in such stark contrast to his central motivation in the game: that this time it can be different. He hasn't fully given up on optimism; there's a tiny spark of it in his heart still, and all throughout 4 he's desperate to keep it alive by trying to save Ashley, to connect with Ada, to trust Luis, even in trying to talk Krauser down while they fight.

It feels like in 4 he's mourning the rookie he used to be. He's not as trusting or earnest or open. Instead, he's closed off and brooding, and he uses humour as a crutch, as a way to distance himself from the horror of the situation he's in. So he's clearly developed some unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with his trauma.

I know you didn't ask about 6, but I think what they do with a 6 remake could be really interesting in how things go for Leon from here! 6, as it is now, and the way it segues into Vendetta, follows a through line of a Leon whose little flame of optimism pretty much gets extinguished. In re4 OG we don't get the ending cutscene of him and Ashley looking hopefully at the sunrise, and I think that could be the crux of things going differently for him. The 'things could be different' premise gets resolved in the remake - things ARE different this time! I really hope they carry that over to the rest of the remakes and don't take Leon down the same road of depression and alcoholism... That's a lot to hope for, since it seems like they intend for Vendetta to remain canon, but that's what I want to see, personally.

I want Leon to reclaim the positive aspects of the rookie he used to be, now that he's shed the negatives, and to fan that little flame of hope in his heart until he fucking burns with it!! Resi in general could use some hope, I think!! I'm just not a fan of where they left Leon at the end of Death Island, as this flippant, resigned guy who, ok, is not an alcoholic anymore, but now he's just a toy soldier. Same with Chris in 8, kinda, but that's a whole other can of worms!

Thank u for the ask again - I hope my Leon rambling answered your question 😅

#leon kennedy #resident evil

[fawn-eyed-girl]

Hi Fawn! Do you have any inukag fics that you have enjoyed reading recently and that you would recommend? :)

Hello sunsetskys, dear! Thank you so much for the ask!

Here is a list of a dozen InuKag stories that I've read in the past few months that have really captured my attention. Fair warning; this list runs a little bit on the angsty side, because that's where my heart does lie (I'm a sucker for a good dark and angsty story), but I tried to give you a little bit of fluff to make up for it!

It's a long list, so it's below the cut, but I hope you find some of these as enjoyable as I have!

The Art of Falling in Tandem (E; ongoing) by @shikonstar

After several years away, Kagome believes she is over Inuyasha and is finally ready to accept him as just a friend. And what could be the best way to prove this? Moving in with him, of course! She can handle it, right? The close contact. The intensity of his eyes. The shirtless.....well. She might have overestimated herself.

B-Side (T; complete) by hakomorebi (Ao3)/@serial-doubters-club

Inuyasha is a photographer assigned to cover a local music festival. When one of the performers sings a song written by his mother, a song only the two of them could possibly know, his world is turned upside down. Inuyasha may have to come to terms with the fact that his mother kept a secret that she took to the grave. 

The Closest Moment to Dawn (M; ongoing) by @classysassy9791

They named her Kagome after finding her injured and unconscious on the subway. Suffering from amnesia, she recuperates under the care of a semi-retired surgeon and a fresh young doctor. But when dark and violent flashes of her past come back to haunt her, Kagome begins to wonder if her past was worth remembering. Especially when a man she doesn't recognize quite literally lunges into her life, accusing her of murder.

Don’t Judge a Book By Its Cover (series; ratings differ) by @superpixie42

Kagome Higurashi wanted to be anywhere but at the grungy bus station at 6am with her screaming infant. But when the local delinquent turns out to be a total sweetheart, maybe things aren't as bad as they seem to be. The story of how one act of kindness deserves another, and how strangers became closer than family.

The Ghost of the Higurashi Shrine (M; ongoing) by @elkonigin

After helping her grandfather on a regular, run-of-the-mill-excorcism-turned-blessing (it's better if you just don't ask questions, well maybe you should, Kagome didn't and look at where it's gotten her so far), Kagome finds that things, well, weird things, are happening in her home and around the shrine, in addition to some other places that really just don't make sense. Kagome doesn't consider herself brilliant by any means, she's barely passing as it is, but she's pretty sure that this mess isn't normal.

Go Away, Dad! (M; complete) by @neutronstarchild

There are times when the difference between human and demon traditions is stark. And right now, with Tōga’s prouder-than-sin grin at his naked son and Izayoi’s abject horror at her idiot husband, Inuyasha can only hope that Kagome is the understanding type.

Haunted (M; complete) by @witchygirl99, @wolfcry77

“Why are you here?” Kagome whispers to him.

“Haunting you, I guess,” he replies.

“Will you stop?”

“Don’t know how.”

That gets him a sharp look. He can feel that dark gaze boring into him. “What do you mean?”

“Trust me, I don’t want to be here with you, either,” Inuyasha states, practically growling. “You think I want to be reminded of my—” Death. Of his death. “But wherever you go, I’m pulled there. No fucking idea as to why.”

Agent Kagome Higurashi kills Agent Inuyasha Taisho in action. Neither let go.

How Does Your Garden Grow? (M; ongoing) by @dawnrider

An Ingary-esque AU: Kagome, the newest generation of caretakers of the Higurashi House, finally starts to feel like her garden and business is thriving with the help of her friend Jinenji. Their routine is thrown off by the arrival of an injured visitor who does not want to be found…

How to Train Your Dog Demon (M; ongoing) by @anxietyaardvark

Izayoi is tired of Inuyasha's excuses. All he does is work; despite his protests, she knows he's lonely. She decides to get him a companion to get him out of the house, and when she finds a no-nonsense dog trainer with great reviews, ulterior motives take over.

Once Upon a New Moon’s Nonsense (T; complete) by @mrfeenysmustache

A lot has changed over the centuries, and where once his kind was hunted, now they’re just… tolerated.

And well, Inuyasha is lonely.

For one night a month, Inuyasha gets to be wholly human instead of half, and he takes full advantage, lining up dates weeks in advance in the hopes of finding someone sweet and accepting who will potentially love him Hanyo heritage and all, and he has the perfect spot for wooing- a local restaurant with the comfiest atmosphere, cheapest drinks, best food, and cutest waitress.

But that’s NOT why he goes.

It’s not.

It is.

Sense and Sensibility, an Inuyasha Retelling (T; ongoing) by @kalcia, @ruddcatha

When their father dies, the Higurashi sisters Sango and Kagome suddenly find their fortunes changed overnight. The sisters begin to find their own paths, as one learns to step away from the practical to learn to dream with the help of the dashing Miroku, and the other sees the importance of stability in a world of fancy with the steadfast Inuyasha. An adaptation of the Jane Austen Novel Sense and Sensibility.

Willow (E; ongoing) by @lavendertwilight89

Kagome had been planning to move to the States for years and when she graduated and got a job offer in LA, she hopped on a plane and was reunited with her best friend Inuyasha. What they hadn't realized was the growing concern over COVID-19 and the eventual shut down and mandatory quarantine of the world could ruin Kagome's plans. When Inuyasha comes up with a plan to keep her in the country, will she accept?

#fic recs #sunsetskys #asks and answers #fawnie's recs #inukag #inuyasha x kagome