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thehotelier · 7 months

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On Housebroken

“Every true novelist listens for a suprapersonal wisdom, which explains why great novels are always a little more intelligent than their authors. Novelists who are more intelligent than their books should go into a different line of work.” -Milan Kundera

The subtext of this short quote that my friend posted the other day provided a pretty neat angle for thinking about the job that artists do for society. While some of us are working, making dinner, following up with people, or addressing every little aspect of our lives that are slowly degrading, artists are creating the conditions for profound truths of the world to speak through their bodies for a brief moment and then document it. These moments of oneness with profound truths are not unique to artists or writers, but a good artist is one who can capture that moment and communicate it through their medium, in a way that allows us viewers to access by interacting with their work.

It explains a thought that I’ve had quite regularly about my own work. People say “hey I like this music you’ve made” and my first inclination is to respond with “yeah isn’t it great?!”. If I were to say this aloud, it would probably either confuse or upset the person who would expect an either humble or self-debasing acknowledgement. But my excitement about my work, and part of the reason I had listened to some of my own tracks non-stop, was because I didn’t feel like it was something I had created. I didn’t feel responsible for it existing insomuch as I feel responsible for regurgitating historical trivia or making box mac and cheese. It’s never felt like trying very hard, making music. Not that I’m an expert or anything (I’m a clunky writer and not particularly skilled with any instruments) it’s just that my process has never been about working hard, and has mostly been about creating a concoction of circumstance to allow magic to happen or god to speak through me. And when that happens I’m sort of like “lol cool.”

So to me, a non-god, my “work” is almost certainly smarter than I was when I wrote it. Once I had witnessed this process fruiting many tracks that made me look smart, I tried not to shortcut that process moving forward. However, I figured this out maybe midway through writing Home, Like Noplace Is There and there has always been one track that stood out as blocky because of this, and that’s Housebroken. Housebroken was the first track I wrote for that record and it got a fair bit of play time in the many acoustic sets I had played prior to releasing that record. It was well received then, but I had sort of always felt an inclination to have to tease out the conversation around it.

The song material attempts to unveil the cycle of abuse, trauma, and conditioning. It was inspired by the trap of entering into the public forum to discuss justification for accountability processes, a model that was ahead of its time and kind of still is. Too often call outs of terrible behavior would evoke normies to object with some version of “this person did something fucked up because fucked up things were done upon them.” It was a trap to engage with this logic but us punks and anarchists did anyway because we knew we were on the right path and truth would prevail. Unfortunately, we didn’t have enough back-pocket rebuttals handy to truly win those arguments for our apolitical tumblr bystanders.

Housebroken, through an allegory of a naive utopian speaking to a domesticated dog, went on to say that empathy alone is not strong enough to dam the river of harm in which we swim. At least that’s my interpretation. My interpretation, however, has the privilege of being granted the benefit of the doubt by its intent. Some other interpretations were not as generous.

I remember stumbling across a podcast (a flock of men) who were in the business of bad faith critiques of scene music. Their interpretation of Housebroken likened domestication to abuse in the home and abuse in the home to abuse of women by men. Through this lens, the use of the dog as a literary device was describing women as dogs, which is of course not cool, boo-boo.

The common interpretation by those who enjoy the song is actually not even that far off from the one above. The slight deviations come in the form of domestication not necessarily abuse in the home, or abuse in the home not necessarily being abuse of women by men. But even within these more favorable framings, there was still a path to an unfavorable interpretation which some had found in the moment where the narrator kills the dog. For me, this was actually a lazy way of saying “we can’t divert the flow, we can only break the cycle.” But it’s over dramatic, inconsistent, and a cop out. The dog probably should have eaten the naive utopian narrator, but then who sings the ending??

This was where my analysis ended when Hotelier decided to stop playing this song. I couldn’t really reconcile which interpretation should be given the most priority, mine or the fans. We had a couple of odd interactions with legitimate die-hards about this song at the time. I figured it would be a good faith gesture to let them be in the driver seat a bit for this one and we gave out some benefit of the doubt. To some, this might have seemed like an odd choice to give a few fans this much say over our artistic decisions. But I was 22, and truly trying to figure out the best way to navigate these fan artist relationships where the principles of consent do not map so cleanly. Looking back, I still think it was fairly wise to avoid intentionally grinding up against the edges of our fans who were so willingly giving us their vulnerability. And that’s how Housebroken got nixed.

Now admittedly, this is one of the Hotelier songs I felt like I had a hand in writing, that is to say that I wasn’t simply a conduit for messages containing more wisdom than I possessed. I remembered being inspired by an idea, but only having the distance from Akron to our recording session in Chicago to get down. We drove overnight in a short school bus with 7 people drunk asleep, and strewn about on the seats and carpet. I was on the couch in the back forcing that ditty out. Once it was recorded that acoustic version, we just built the album version around it and stuck it in the most likely place.

Every other song on that album was given time, was meditated on, was never written but allowed to write itself. The lyrics were many words I have never said before in any real order. Writing the rest of that record genuinely felt like many therapy sessions. I remember sensations in my body that I haven’t felt since, like being a moment from sleep and being suddenly massively awake and strangely cold, suddenly crying at phrases from a stream of consciousness, and what felt like a rattling marble at the top of my spinal cord. Writing Home was like simultaneously realizing trauma held in my body for the first time and quickly unknotting it. It was pretty absurd. I could have been possessed but it would have been by something pretty nice. I understand why people could believe in angels. Through your own actions, you induce some state of consciousness in which everything makes sense, and everything is okay, and its wise and kind and all of these things that might feel so unlike you. How can someone have experience and be expected to believe that that is just them. In a period of time when we still don’t understand consciousness. Could be angels, babe.

It Never Goes Out was an album that shouted “As long as we have each other, the world stands no chance.” Turns out, the real weight of that statement rests on “as long as”. It’s really amazing the amount of absurd scenarios a bunch of suburban beatnik cosplayers in early adulthood can find themselves in. One of us got kicked out of our home by our parents. I showed up in my underwear to lighten the mood not expecting her dad to come out and try to bust through my car window. I remember us trying to figure out how we were getting home from the mall because the only friend who could drive was having a personal moment in the back seat and not talking to us. Lots of “you don’t get me”. Lots of “I’m going to kms.” I’ll skip a lot of details that I can’t or don’t want to remember, but it was clear we were too big of a mess to change much.

And here we circle back to trauma not as a thing done to us by bad people, but now by people we love with every ounce of our being, people we wouldn’t throw out in front of a moving car. Many people will have their own interpretation of what that means to them, and I’ll let them have it. I’m just the messenger.

#Dreams of Field Records #home like noplace is there #the hotelier

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theambivalentagender · 1 year

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I love your comic!! What inspired you to share Zekes story?

There's a lot to this answer so buckle up.

I've always been a writer, ever since I was a little kid telling stories has been my entire life's goal. But its been a struggle, and for a long time I've felt kinda lost in trying to survive taking soul sucking desk jobs. It honestly destroyed any desire I had to create.

And then at the beginning of 2022 I got abruptly fired (for what I don't think are honest reasons but that's another story). And then I found myself just not being able to land a new job no matter what I did - I worked in a tech-adjacent industry and know others in similar positions also have had these issues. Weeks turned into months, and my mental health took a nosedive.

That summer I noticed one of my long time close friends kept popping up on steam playing Stardew Valley at odd hours in the morning. I'd heard of the game before, I loved farming sims, and I really needed a distraction. So I finally bought it.

Long story short, several hours into the game this motherfucker hits me up with this line:

So you can imagine what that did to my psyche. I got so god damn invested in the game. Like I do with any game, I started modding the crap out of it, mostly to add more lines for Shane. And then I found myself imagining my own little story with my farmer.

For a good while this was just a dumb headcanon story I had every time I played Stardew. But then I found myself actually plotting things out, connecting different aspects of SDV that were "unexplained" or "implied" with the story I was developing in my head. And then I realized - I was making a story again. I was feeling the exact same way I used to feel when I would plan out and write a play, or a short story, or one of my many unfinished novels. It was such a good feeling, and I started coming around to the idea that I shouldn't just keep this story in my head.

I dealt with a lot of self doubt over it of course. The last time I wrote anything like fanfiction was when I was 10 and it was a HP fanfic where I misspelled Slytherin in five different ways. Some part of me felt like it would be wasting time because I wouldn't make money off of it. Another part of me worried I'd be mocked for writing an entire self-indulgent story about a borderline self-insert character romancing a grumpy pixel man, when I was nearly 30 living in an apartment with a long term partner and shouldn't be doing such *childish things*.

I lurked around the SDV fandom for a long time before actually posting anything, and seeing other people, often people close to my own age, doing exactly what I was afraid of because fuck it, we're adults and we get to decide what that means, really helped. It also helped to see a positive community praising and supporting creators of all skill levels.

As for the money thing, I ended up "justifying" it to myself that if I made myself draw just about every day working on the comic (since I had decided to make it a comic rather than a fanfic), that would help me bring my art skills up to par with my writing skills. And, well, it would probably help my mental health if I had something productive to work on while I still looked for a job, because there's only so many times you can rotate between various video games.

I honestly didn't expect the comic to get as much attention as it has. But I told myself even if nobody cared about it, I'd make it for the one person who wanted to see this story play out - me.

#personal #asks #valley echoes asides

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mysticstarlightduck · 3 months

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41. Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?

42. How do you feel about love triangles?

43. What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?

Thank you so much for the tag, @clairelsonao3!

41. Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?

Hmmm. I think my advice, if any, would be this:

Don't get too caught up on what others tell you to write, or what you "should be writing because its popular". Write what you want to write, write the story that ultimately makes you so excited about writing it that you can't imagine getting bored, writing something you love. Because, even if it doesn't seem mindboggling original at first, or if it feels just too weird, or if you feel like no one will read it, loving what you write is the first step to writing any good book, no matter the genre, and when it comes down to it, having fun is one of the most important things a writer should strive for, for you own happiness. And if you do have fun while writing your book, your readers will feel it, and if they are your target audience, they will love it too.

No writing is bad writing in the first draft. Those first few iterations of your story aren't meant to be perfect, they aren't even meant to be extremely cohesive - they're meant to make your story finally exist outside of your mind. It's meant for you and you alone, as the writer of the book - your first draft is yours, and you can make as many mistakes as you need to in order to improve it! If you get too caught up on being perfect on something you still need to practice, you won't be able to write anything. Needing practice isn't a bad thing - it just means you have still a long road of interesting things to learn, and that every single word you write down on that formerly blank page will be another step on the ladder to achieving the writing your dream of making. Don't beat yourself up if it doesn't come out perfectly in your first, second, third, or even tenth time - those "imperfect drafts" are each improving your own writing skill in one way or another, and one day, you'll look at your writing and see how far you've come after finally pushing through all that self-doubt.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!! I mean it. A healthy mind is a MILLION times more creative than a tired and stressed-out mind. Find the sleep schedule that works for you. Eat healthy things according to your personal dietary needs. Go for a walk. Be responsible and proactive when it comes to your scheduled activities, don't procrastinate. Follow a schedule of your own. Get things done. Watch a movie with popcorn and relax. Laugh, smile, have fun. Do the things that make you happy. Talk to your friends. Enjoy some sunlight. Talk to a therapist, if you need to! All those things that make you feel refreshed, happy, and ready to take on more challenges. As someone who battled quite a few physical and mental health problems this past couple of years, I find that self-care is the root of any productive writing session and that I write much better now that I am happy, rested, and healthy than when I was really exhausted, sick and depressed and had to force myself to write. I really, really mean it. Take care of yourself, and practice self-compassion. It may not be easy at first, but you'll see how much it makes sitting down to write much more easy and joyful in the long run <3

42. How do you feel about love triangles?

I already got that one, here! (:

43. What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?

Good question! Especially since I'm constantly dealing with this, as my outlines turn into drafts. My latest experience with characters rebelling against the outline has been Ambrose Prosper - I had a specific, detailed idea of what I wanted his past to be, but then I wrote him, and he started to develop and change until the character was basically like "nope, I do what I want" and I had to revise his whole backstory to fit this new version of his character - but honestly, it was for the best. I like this new version of Ambrose's character and backstory way more than the original one!

What I do in this situation is to let it flow - I realize that, if a character isn't following the strict outline, it's because of specific personality details, intricacies and growth that have happened thus far, and that is good. I tend to then bend the outline for the character. I think "Well, if this character wouldn't do this specific thing, then what would they do in this situation?" and 9 times out of 10, the answer to this question is more original and truthful to the character than the initial outline, and so I go with this new version! I find that being flexible with your characters makes for way more organic and meaningful stories than breaking characters to fit a specific scene just because "it needs to happen" - if a character doesn't work with a scene, I'm always positive that it's the scene that needs rework and change, not the character! (:

#writing #asked and answered!#ask games! (:#writeblr #writers #writerblr #my wips #character writing #writers on tumblr #my characters #my writing #asked and answered

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thewritingstar · 1 year

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hi!

thank you for responding about the gruvia request:)! I completely understand, no worries! (my bad for making it so detailed lol)

do u think maybe u could just write a gruvia with cuddles? a lots of forehead kisses I love those lol

thank you for responding once again! have a great day! :) <<<333

hiiiiiiii!

okay so its a little angsty but what else could you expect from me lol. I added in some kisses and cuddles so I hope you enjoy it!

Thank you so much for your patience and I hope you have a wonderful day! <3.

----

To Lose and To Love

Pairing: Gruvia

Fandom: Fairy Tail

Rating: G

-----

She brought her knees to her chest.

When was the last time that she had be afraid? She never once faltered or questioned her skill at Phantom Lord. Maybe...maybe she was weak now. Maybe her abilities weren't as grand as what other had thought.

"Hey." Gray called out to her. "Get out of your head."

She turned her head slightly to look at him.

"Juvia was just-"

"It doesn't matter what is going on in there but its wrong. I can see your doubting yourself. You have no reason too." He said.

He wasn't lying to make her feel better, he rarely lied to her at all. She had no reason to consider herself worthless.

But even when she turned her head back to look at the grass beneath her feet, he could tell she wasn't going to let up. Slowly he reached his arm behind her back and pulled her to him. Suddenly her back was to his chest and she could feel his heart thumping.

"Just relax Juv." He whispered to her and brought her wrist to his lips and placed a kiss there.

"How could Juvia possibly relax when her love is holding her" She thought to herself.

She could hear a slight laugh come from his lips.

"I think you are scared." He said.

"Juvia isn't scared of them." She counted.

"I didn't say of the bad guys."

"Then what."

His arms tightened around her stomach bringing her more into his chest. His face hidden by her hair as his forehead rested against the back of her head. Even though she couldn't see his face, he didn't want her to know that his face was red.

"You are afraid because you finally have something to lose." He said honestly. "I don't think you worried about that in Phantom Lord because you didn't have anything to lose."

Juvia felt her lips quiver. The coldness that traced her spine earlier returned its familiar feeling. She didn't want to admit that he was right. She spent her entire life never needing anyone, never having someone to wish her well at the end of the day. Even her guild mates wouldn't bat an eyes when she walked in bloodied and bruised. Her life was expendable but she was good at being important for just the right people.

And now? Now she had a family. She had friends that would call her to see how her day was when she saw them that morning. A scrape on her leg could turn the guild hall into a frenzy to make sure she was okay. Her magic was apart of her, not the only reason she had a purpose. To was almost overwhelming for the water mage.

"Juvia...Juvia isn't afraid of that." She whimpered.

"Really?" Gray breathed out. "Because I am terrified of it. Scared that I'll turn around one day and the guild will be nothing but a distant memory. Scared that another person gone is just another tally mark for the people I've already lost. Its okay to be scared Juvia. It means that you are human and that you love. And I think you love harder than anyone I've ever met so I know that you are petrified."

Her hands began to shake and tears clouded her eyes. Gray's hands came over hers and he intertwined their fingers together.

"You're right Gray." She nearly cried. "Juvia's never felt this-this warmth before. Its breathtaking and wonderful and shes scared that she will snuffed it out like all those times before. It was easier to be back there in Phantom Lord. Easier to be ignored and hated because then fear couldn't control you. And now? Now Juvia's heart is full of people and its better than anything she could of imagined. But that means that it can be taken away and destroyed."

"You can't let the fear of losing someone stop you from loving them." He said unsure if it was only for her to hear. He swallowed and turned his head to some flowers that were growing at the base of the tree. "Its hard at first. Why keep going if everyone is going to leave you? Why fight hard if its easy to fall? I think after all these years I understand why we have to get through the pain."

"Why's that?" She asked.

"Because although losing someone is sad and it hurts.” He huffed. “The memories and joy that we have with them is greater. There was a time where I had wished that I had never met people of my past because then I wouldn’t have to feel this pain. But when I close my eyes and think of them, I see us smiling and being happy. So even if you ever lose someone, you have to promise me that you will remember how you lived with them, not how you lost them.”

Juvia turned in his lap to face him. Tears dripped from her eyes and a light shower came down around the area. He was sure anyone walking around was probably going to be come annoyed with the sudden shower, but it was beautiful to him.

She leaned forward and placed a kiss to his temple. “Juvia promises. But she doesn’t want to think about the possibility of losing you. For now, she will focus on loving you.”

His own eyes started to become misty. To have someone openly say that they wanted to love and cherish him was not something he was used to.

“Juvia, I-” She placed her finger on his lips.

“Juvia knows, my love.” She nodded and a small smile graced her lips.

While she was afraid of losing, he was secretly afraid of loving. How could he tell her to remember who you loved when he was scared to give it and have it ripped away.

Juvia stood and walked a few feet away to wipe her eyes.

No. He was done being scared. Losing is what is scary. Never holding someone again is painful. What is worst is when you never held them at all.

“Juvia.” He called out to her as he stood.

She turned and her eyes widen as he was right in front of her. His hand came around to her waist and pulled her forward as his lips met hers. She instantly melted to him and her arms came around his neck. They fit perfectly against each other as if all their suffering in the past was to bring them together.

The broke for air and she pressed her face in his chest to hide the redness of her cheeks. They had kissed many times before but it felt different. More urgent and longing than anything else.

“Hey.” He whispered and tilted her chin up. “I love you Juvia.”

Her eyes widened again and he swore the sun broke through the clouds.

Her lips began to tremble so he leaned in and kissed her again.

“I think losing you would absolutely destroy me. There would be no hope for me if I could never see you again. But if I don’t love you for everything that you are and everything that you deserve, then I would have no right to be in anguish.” Gray said.

“Then let us love each other so when we do have to say goodbye one day, it can be after years of having each other.” She smiled.

“That sounds perfect, Juv.”

---

I hope everyone reading enjoyed!

#gruvia oneshots #gruvia #Juvia x Gray #Gray X Juvia #gray fullbuster #juvia loxar #fairy tail #fairy tail gruvia #thewritingstar

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silentstaresfanficandfanart · 1 month

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what fueled you to write that fast?

I would need that help too

endless love ENDLESS LOVE FOREVER AND EVER

that is tos ay i write what i love and i love what i write and i try my very best to enjoy the process and have fun

do it often and youll get faster

have a rough plan in place or even an outline if you can

and you know that rush you get when you imagine your characters doing stuff in an amv or when you chat about them with a friend? you gotta jump into thew riting while thats still buzzing if you can!

plus it helps to have lovely pepole to encourage you, while its also VERY important to make srue not to prioritize ao3 comments or peoples attention over your enjoyment, as long as you can take that part in without working FOR attention and love you'll do great.

think of it like, Wataru

Wataru is doing his acts and all his amazing things for praise

as lovely as wataru is , hes very very sad and he's just trying to be loved <3 so even if he does an amzing job at everything he does, he's not happy unless someone else enjoys what he does! and that can trap you in trying too hard to gain others aprooval and forgetting what you yourself do!

another thing is challenging yourself, if you doubt yourself doing something big and scary like nanowrimo or actually completing an entire book can make the big scary thing not so bad. The important thing there to remember is that anything that can bleed, can die. That is to say, if you can 'cause damage' to somethings hp bar, you can defeat it as long as you keep attacking it! eventually it will fall.

you can write an entire book just fine, if you just keep writing it.

But you gotta give yourself an hp bar for the thing or it can feel overwhelming. personally i go with a "ask a question, answer it, and ask another question" style usually when im writing

usually i would say a good chapter length is about 5,000 words max, and then writing out an outline

for example

Eichi feels ill, why is eichi unwell?

reveal: Eichi is turning into a horrrible magical monster and keito has to become a magical boy to save him

resolution: keito becomes a magical boy and saves eichi!

question: what's going on and how is keito going to save the world from these aliens

(in this case the question kind of sets up the overarching primary plot point- having at least one can help a lot in storytelling but theres so many different ways to tell stories. i like personally really like the 'no conflict narrative' that some japanese stories have, not that they really lack a conflict but its great for slice of life things and can kind of be stretched a lot of ways i think its called Kishotenketsu

but you know, find a method that works for you but the most important rule for writing a lot fast, is to just have fun and be self indulgent, the hardest thing to do when it comes to writing a lot, is make yourself write at all after all, as long as you actually are writing something you REALLY enjoy and like writing, you'll want to keep writing. stay true and honest to yourself and if you hae ONE big scene in mind you freaking LOVE and dont erally want to write the rest you are tottaly allowed to do that. The difference between talent and skill is often passion.

Oh and NEVER. EVER. INSULT YOUR WRITING.

DONT BE HARSH. DONT BE CRUEL.

AND DONT JUDGE YOUR WRITING UNFAIRLY, INF ACT, TRY NOT TO JUDGE IT AT ALL ,JUST ENJOY IT. SURE ITS OKAY TO STUDY AND SEE WHERE YOU COULD IMPROVE AND GROW, BUT DO THAT BECAUSE YOU ENJOY WRITING AND WANT TO WRITE BETTER NOT BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU'RE BAD do it because you love writing and you want to love it even more and show it how much you love it by getting better <3 compliment yourself and your creative projects often

tldr: Do what you enjoy, never insult yourself, and remember to not push yourself to conform to others expectations and praise, but do praise yourself lots and lots <3 source: a lovely writer who enjoys it very much and can truly say they love writing

personally i got stuck in a huge rut by the way a few years back when my mom told me she struggled to get into my writing because i never finished anything and it took me a long time to finally work past that though she never meant anything harsh by it. It took facing nanowrimo to suddenly kick my love of writing back into gear. completing and sucessfully writing an entire actual book proved to me i could.

also on that note one more tip

writing an entire book actually isint that big a deal, its super exciting sure! you should celebrate it! but it's something we put on a pedestal which makes it seem superhuman to complete, but...it's really not. now ive written several books since nanowrimo last year, and you can really see just looking at my fanfictions how heavily beating that helped me. writing is FUN

writing can BE fun

the biggest thing ive ever seen stop writers is fear, shame, and doubt. Same with artists, or anyone else with any skills. love, love , love~ <3

just keep writing, keep loving it, and you'll find that even if you only write a little a day, youll eventually get your goals done <3 any mountain is climbable with patience time and love!

#writing #advice #writing advice #asks #always happy to babble #writeblr #technically art advice too #art advice #artist advicebook #bookblr #nanowrimo

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lorenzobane · 2 years

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I cannot believe I am doing this, but it's just driving me fucking crazy. This is about the utterly exhausting and circular and goddamn endless discourse about AO3, and I simply cannot take it anymore. The hyperbole, bad faith arguments, and deeply strange interpretations of what is going on are..... Why. Don't we have enough problems?

Recognizing that this is exhausting and stupid (it was trending on Twitter???? GUYS??) I'm putting this under a cut to not clog up people's dashes. I just feel like there really are solutions and people keep talking around each other and lobbing wild accusations. Come on- CP apologists? Pro-censorship? Let's take a breath. Apologies, per usual, I talked way too much.

First- let's get some perspective. Fanfiction is a hobby. That is all it is- it is not, at its core, more moral or less moral than crocheting. That isn't to say that you can't be a remarkably talented fic writer or that fic writers are never professional writers (though when professional writers are writing professionally, they are not writing fic. Therefore they are not engaging in the hobby of fic writing. They're engaged in the vocation of writing.).

Just like any other hobby, people who do it often get better at it and begin to hone their skills in much the same way that any other hobbyist does in any other skill. But at their core, the point of writing fanfiction is to have fun doing a creative activity with people who are interested in similar topics to you. It is not going to solve racism or cure wealth inequality, or usher in a new shining dawn for gender equity. It, because it is written by very normal people, will always reflect the real flaws and virtues of real and normal people. To suggest otherwise is self-aggrandizing and nonsensical. I'm glad people find joy and pleasure in writing fic (I am one of them!), but we have got to stop saying things that deify fic above other forms of art or writing. AO3 is basically a hobbyist forum and that is okay.

Now- onto my actual point: whatever happened to nuance?

"These freaks will do anything to defend child porn/racism." Okay- well, that is a pretty incendiary thing to say. What is actually being said? People who oppose bans are typically looking at the censorship on TikTok, Tumblr, Facebook's attempts at monitoring, and fanfiction.net and see nothing but colossal failures. So when people suggest potentially banning or deleting erotic works with minors, others who have never seen it done well and have only ever seen it backfire for basically every other tech company are understandably skeptical. Why would it work on Ao3 when it hasn't worked anywhere else? And if these people are still going to write it, except untagged, now we have an even bigger issue because you can't avoid it.

The typical solution for this is "okay, well, hire moderators or build an algorithm," which is expensive and will almost certainly lead to more backlash because they'd need to fundraise for even more money that people already resent having to do at all. Not to mention the backlash when they do/don't decide that something is harmful that other people might/might not. This is especially true of issues regarding racism- unless everyone they hire has a Ph.D. in the topic, I doubt taking the problems to a random committee will solve anything. And maybe I'm insane, but I REALLY do not want a computer taking charge of issues as sensitive as this. As a general rule, I do not want an archive to be making moral decisions about anything. As even more of an aside, I just refuse to describe a dead person as "unalive" in a fic because an algorithm went too far.

Okay- but does that mean we shouldn't do anything about those problems? Do I think the people who sincerely believe we need to fix things are "pro-censorship"? Of course not. There really are existing solutions that are common sense and broadly popular that would put the power in the hands of the readers as opposed to censoring the writers. Instead of focusing so hard on regressive policies to punish or try to eliminate the problem (which is pernicious enough that a simple ban wouldn't work anyway), why not focus on progressive policies that people agree on and can actually work to make people's lives better? People are capable, smart, and thoughtful- when given the tools they absolutely can manage their own online experience.

Author blocks: People should absolutely be allowed to block authors. This one is easy and obvious- it doesn't do much by way of protecting people before they see content but it does help protect themselves from ever seeing it again.

Saved excluded tags: Create a system where you can input certain tags that you always want blocked no matter which fandom you're looking on at the site. This one is another great way to put power in the hands of the reader.

Community fics: Allowing authors to select a group of people that they want to share their particular fic with. If you want to write your cannibal mermaid fic about Hamilton and you don't want to face backlash? Just set it to only be accessible to selected users.

For ideas that go a bit further*:

Stronger age restrictions: If the concern is that young people are being groomed, maybe a solution here could be to have members (I really can't remember how this works because I signed up so long ago) give their birth year. Then just automatically filter out any E or M rated fics for people under 18, similar to how they filter out member-specific fics.

Member-specific fics: On a related note, an option could be to have fics that include an "underage" tag and are E/M are automatically member-restricted.

*Caveat: these two face a similar unintended consequence that would restrict minors from interacting with erotic content at all. Now, for little kids that is fine but for a 16 year old... I mean, there really are teenagers who write porn and there really are young people who are going through puberty and... well. This restriction would obviously be a burden specific to them, but would protect them. Also- they can just lie, lol.

Anyway- as with all policies and all problems, you are always going to deal with unintended consequences of any new policy you put out but you have to be willing to accept that and at least think them through. It drives me CRAZY when people act like we either decide to do an ineffectual ban or we do nothing at all. I am begging you to be at least willing to LOOK for middle ground.

But at the end of the day, remember: This is a HOBBY. It really is not that deep. There are about 5 million users, and even if you say that the real number is closer to 8 million that is still .1% of the global population. I am BEGGING you guys to stop calling each other CP apologists and freaks and pathetic losers and pro-censorship weirdos and purity culture losers. There IS a real problem here and everyone is a little bit right. Just, like, chill a little.

#ao3 discourse #ao3 #what if everyone took a chill pill #its actually interesting because at the base of this stupid internet argument #is a really really fascinating look into different people's views on the philosophy of speech #and the philosophy of loss #it DEFINITELY strikes me that most of the people who oppose bans the most are people who reference other lost archives #they use free speech as their defense but its so often couched in fear #and its not unwarranted! Internet censorship has worked exactly zero times #but there are other solutions and other ways to think about problems

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rosekasa · 4 months

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I dont know who to ask but since ur an artjst, how do i feel better abt my art? i love the process, love to draw my thoughts but at the end when i see what ive made, im not happy? it doesn't look good to me and that just sours my happiness over the process entirely. i don't know why but i had fun doing it but now its disgusting to me and its an endless cycle

oh anon. big hugs. im so sorry you're dealing with this. ive struggled with this myself for years and it's so difficult, especially when you see others seemingly effortlessly creating whatever they want and having it look beautiful everytime.

this is going to sound so cheesy, but honestly? what helped me was believing in myself more. i tried to understand what exactly the difference is between myself and the kind of artist i wanted to be, and i realised it was very little to do with the actual end result of my pieces and rather how i felt about them -- i wanted to feel like i could have an idea and immediately sit down to draw it instead of wondering if i had the skills to, i wanted to be able to draw something that i was genuinely excited about rather than something i thought was 'safe', and most of all i wanted to draw without being scared that i might not like the results. not liking the end results for me wasn't a sign that my art was bad, it was a sign that I wasn't thinking or acting like the kind of artist i wanted to be, and i realised that that artist would not doubt herself so much, regardless of the results she's producing. she would know that if there's anything she wants to add to her skillset, she can experiment with it and have fun and live in the knowledge that whatever she produces will make her happy.

i give this advice but i also want to let you know that i still go through bouts of this and im sure every other artist does too. like, i havent drawn anything since october because my brain keeps telling me that art is hard and i wont be able to draw fast enough and there's nothing i want to draw anyway. it doesn't help when the evidence i see corroborates it too -- e.g., losing followers on instagram within a week of inactivity, or the fact that my folders for november to february are completely devoid of any art, or just the simple fact i have not willingly sat down with my ipad for a while. but something im starting to realise is that you dont need to wait for the things you see to tell you that you're the person you want to be. you can be that person regardless, because if you think about it that person probably also would have that same confidence in themselves!

i really hope this helped you anon. and if you have time today you should try to draw something and do it with utmost love and trust in yourself. writing this response made me want to do the same so we can do it like a challenge together, because im rooting you on!!!

#ask #anon

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mejomonster · 2 years

Text

Sometimes reddit will hate on anything... I was looking up Three Body Problem themes to see if anyone had written any good articles on its political themes. Ran into a reddit sci fi thread tearing the books to shreds. Calling them badly written. I just?? Do some people not have proper critical reading skills? The answer is probably yes -.-

Valid critiques I saw (though on reddit they got intensified to super negative cause that's how reddit tends to go): 1. Characters exist primarily to move the plot, correct. The author definitely values using characters to tell his story over creating interesting characters for the sake of characters. So calling them cardboard is a fairly valid critique, especially given the characterization is given much less focus than the external plot. However I'd counter... you don't need character focused inner arcs to be good? Obviously? Ray Bradbury wrote characters like this, I loved his stuff. Twilight Zone did, I love that. Also I personally feel Liu writes close character perspective pov, and that adds an intimacy with these characters to make them feel grounded and unique even though they're more like you or me going through world events - human and realistic but not necessarily internally going through huge internal development specifically because of some world event (although his core characters do actually go through some decent internal arcs in my opinion). And I think he's aware of characterization as important, as in The Dark Forest his whole section about writing a novel and making a character who is alive in their own right? So fascinating and very interesting from the perspective of what it means to write. Both to interpret the author Liu and the character who made the written girl Within that arc. The writer man was going through some internal stuff all right... if a reader can't understand that without being explicitly told the guys emotions and fears and evolution then like... damn get better at reading? Please? They complained about poor writing in TBP but then also can't understand the elements of the story that aren't explicitly stated, such as emotional arcs and internal biases and feelings. A lot of the reddit reviewers could understand Ye Wenjie slightly, no doubt because the narrative has her EXPLICITLY say she hates humanity after hundreds of pages of obviously implying her fear and pain from page 1 (which I am guessing they needed that level of intense hammering to understand her?), and then the explicit sci fi ideas portion of the plot. I feel like... a lot of the humans grappling personally and as a species was not noticed by some readers. Also... as stated explicitly in Lius book notes: the books main characters are humanity and trisolaris! So of course humanity as individual characters feels lacking in the story! It's cause the sum of them depicts the main character of HUMANITY going through some shit. But something tells me the reddit reviewers who flamed TBP intensely just... definitely did not interpret the book as "main character humanity." -.-

Another fair critique they hammered to 11: that the sci fi mentioned in it is basic. That is true, a lot of the ideas in it aren't even science fiction theyre just basic science fact or one layer fiction into "What if." For me? That was enjoyable. A very Person of Interest qpproach where it feels like it could happen now in reality, which gave the story a grounded feeling in real political and social reality. Which the political UN elements and Space Force elements complimented. It also felt a bit like The 100 in that science mind blowing ideas isn't the point, the point is contemplating how humanity acts during problems. Which is relevant now to us due to global warming and always was and will be relevant to humanity and the world wide problems we face. So yeah, TBP is not the book to find uniquely mind blowing new ideas to contemplate in science future. But it does utilize some more common science fact and fiction ideas to explore humanity's nature and capacity for healing and hurting. Which is similar to Star Trek, The 100, and Person of Interests way of handling sci fi concepts. So it's a take it or leave it, because fair enough the topics aren't anything new. The only unique thing (maybe) I think this book does is really keep going with science instead of stopping at 1 single idea. But I think many novels do this, and TBP still only focuses on a few related science ideas so it stays relatively small scale in scope of exploration. It's ideas about human society and political response is more broad I think (again why it slightly reminds me of The 100).

Then of course, beyond cardboard characters and boring basic sci fi ideas... some people complained it was badly written. Goddamn... I must have a wildly different taste in writing. I wonder if these reviewers also hate Haruki Murakamis writing style? They'd definitely hate mine to bits! Mine is all biased close character pov and meaning/emptions implied and needing to be figured out oneself through interpreting the biased narrative and figuring out the truth not being directly said. I personally loved the writing style. I see critiques of his characters being somewhat basic, and overall plot structure being not ideal, as quite valid depending on the reader (if you interpret each character individually instead of as the whole "humanity" character the author intended then yeah the characters aren't much as they weren't intended to be, and the plot structure reminds me of webnovels which do wind and meander to degrees structurally lol). But actual style? What the fuck did some sci fi readers want??? Really thick paragraphs??? I have no idea. I have no idea how anyone read the chapter from the point of view of an ant and didn't think that was amazing and beautiful. I don't know how people read Lius use of nature imagery to depict people's emotions and felt the writing had no art to it and was too terse. I can only guess, again, somecpeople just cannot grasp a thing UNLESS it's EXPLICITLY said to them "he was heartbroken" rather than grasping from an imagery like "he looked at the sky turning red as the sun sank beneath the horizon" that oh I don't know maybe the character emotionally IS GOING DOWN TOO. BASIC SKILLS.... basic skills... I think the issue is partly that some reviewers have lacking critical reading and literary analysis skills tbh. I absolutely love Lius writing style. If it wasn't enjoyable and emotionally driven I wouldn't be able to read it lol.

I just. It's so funny to me how wildly different people can interpret stuff.

I fucking loved reading The Three Body problem, highly recommend if you have similar tastes to me. Friends, I'd love to know what yall thought of its artistic quality. Cause dang ToT

#rant #three body problem #lb #three body problem lb #spoiler: i loved reading it so im a bit wow on some of the critiques #its not perfect but like. its quality felt to me quite good #it deserved to be a best seller like it was. its eons better than Twilight in qriting quality #its similar (in my opinion) to reading Murakami #but wirh a more curt plot focus than feeling focus murakami goes for (but the emotionalism still exists in TBP just less focus on it)#andclike... well if u dont like Murakami as a good writer we just aint compatible lol

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tealincubusspeckles · 2 years

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Can u write a story about james?

@sapphire-15

First, thank you for sending me a request! Although I am not sure what type of story you are asking for James to star in. Second, I prefer writing snippets to full-blown stories since I get lazy. Third, please note that my blog is more centered on empathizing with the characters of Seduce Me rather than focusing on its story. Fourth, I am not the biggest fan of James since he makes me uneasy. Why? He tells Erik to kiss Mika instead of proving the effects of their powers himself. When Erik probably has emotional pain related to being considered the playboy of the group and James would probably know this based on rumors floating around the castle. Is he not confident in his own skills? Did he not want to put himself in danger in case Mika was a being who could hurt them? Was Erik’s magic abilities stronger than the rest? It is possible that James was so deep into his studies he truly did not care about rumors of his brothers, and/ or he never truly got a chance to hang around his brothers until they bothered him and got him in trouble for playing. Fifth, I did not want to say no to this request because I know the fandom is hungry for content. Sixth, Did James know the mansion and Mika were protected by magic in Seduce Me 1? My theory is that he did not only Damien and Matthew did. Damien probably knew from Harold and Matthew seems like the type to search around a new environment testing his limits. I apologize for the long time and spelling or grammar errors.

###

STORY ABOUT JAMES

So, I hear you want me to tell a story about James. Well, how does one tell a story about someone else? For starters, I can question family and observe the man as much as I like. But, what about James does one want to write about? I am here to tell you the story of falling for James. As anyone with a crush would know falling for someone is thrilling and nerve-racking at the same time. Honestly, I could not even think of comparing it to anything else. When I crush on someone, I crush on them hard. I can become obsessed and want to know as much about them as possible. I want to know the places, people, and things they like. I want to know who they hang around with the most. I want to be close enough to see them but far enough to run away. I dream of holding them in my arms to cuddle up against their chest and hide in the warmth of their arms. Hell, maybe even sniff them… for science. Did you know the nose can remember 50,000 different scents? Not interested? OKaaay! Let’s go with the testimonies!

“What is there to know about James? Almost everyone back at the castle would tell you he is perfect. Flawless even! Lucky in almost every way! That hasn’t changed even though we are here. There has never been a fight or being he has not won over. So long as he knows the rules of course. James loves rules and structures. Nearly drove himself insane by trying to read all the books in a local library when we first visited, Princess! Truly admirable. Or maybe ridiculous. Depends on how much you value a book over food.” Erik said.

“You want me to tell you about, James? Like what? …Anything? Uh He reads. Well! If you know that then why ask?... How is he with what, sex? How should I know? Ow! HEY! You said ANYTHING!... Alright, alright no need to get violent! Damn! James is the eldest and mostly likely first for the throne. The four of us were basically replacements if James failed. Never seen him much except when he was telling me off for fighting. But gives good advice, even if you don’t ask… Close? I guess? I mean I would fight to the death for any of my brothers… The five us would only hang out if we caught James reading outside of libraries. But even then, seeing him was not as often as I get to see him now. Not to say I miss his presence or anything! IT’S JUST NICE TO SEE HIM RELAXED! I mean! FUCK IT! Go ask him yourself, Doofus!” Sam said.

“About James? Well, he is smart, but not the smartest person alive. I doubt anyone is that smart or not as smart as they claim to be. I respect him though since he has book knowledge down pat. You should see him when he starts reading contradicting articles and books! It drives him up the walls and I have seen him attempt to write his research paper. Until he realized that he would probably have to attend university first before his work could be acknowledged. Funds were running low so that dampened his mood for about a week. I challenged Sam to stop a car with his bare hands. Good times. Listen, I’m not mean to Sam! He’s mean to me!... Ok, ok, James. Right. Oh! His glasses endlessly respawn on his face even if you remove them! Yeah! They do trust me! I know you have seen him take it off but that’s because his glamour produces new glasses if anyone besides James tries to remove them. How do I know? Fishing pole. That’s all I am going to tell you. Wait. Do you smell that? Oh, snap! My perogies!” Matthew said.

“James is smart, kind, talented, and quickly learns just about anything. Except probably the concept of fun. James did not play with the rest of us to often. It got him in trouble. Sometimes he had bruises although no one would know. James was good with magic enough to hide them if need be. I mean all of us where to a degree. But James was the one with the most access to energy due to his status. However, like the rest of us I think he often used sweet flowers when he could! Sweet flowers? Um they are um flowers that give us a bit of energy instead uh of taking it from another being. No, they do not grow here in the human world. You can ask James to draw it for you if you like. Although I think Erik or Matthew are better with arts than James is. I mean James is good at drawing but drawing stress him out. James usually feels better after writing, reading, or doing an activity. I think he likes tending to the garden since he gets to put his book knowledge to practice. I agree a puzzle or dollhouse kit would be a great gift for James... If I could find a way to stop mind reading I would. I just think that James would enjoying reading and building things. I don’t think those things are as useless as you think they are. They hold memories, don’t they? Ask him.” Damien said.

Hair as black as ink styled with a side part. Face seemingly distracted by the thoughts in his mind to care he is making his wrinkles permanent or even smoothed down to reveal nothing. Amber eyes like whiskey focused on the task at hand, challenging someone to be defiant, or simply acknowledging someone’s presence. Gold frames catching the light in just the right way to highlight him but not enough take away from the scene around him. Pants pressed to the point anyone would feel like they are wearing a trash bag full of wrinkles. Business style shoes with shoelaces to push home the fact you probably prefer slippers, crocs, or sneakers every day. The flash of his gold watch to remind you that time is flying by as your eye never strays him. The collar of his shirt held closed together by his tie not tight enough to choke him, but enough to make you wonder why a guy who looks like he came from a business meeting is hanging around at home. The tone of aggravation anytime Erik, Sam, or Matthew do not act like civilized beings raised like princes. The gentle touch he was trained to have so as not to offend anyone, but firm enough to let you know he is already taking the lead to an interaction. The words simple to understand with easy interpretative meaning so as no one can misuse what he said.

How about personal effects and living space. James shares a bathroom with his brothers and his stuff is hidden away neatly in the corner of the bathroom like in a hotel. The towels are folded neatly under a bar of soap, a toothbrush, a tube of toothpaste, shampoo, and conditioner. Heading toward the bedroom shared with Erik. James’s half of the room is neat. Almost as if he was never there, the only indication is the book on the desk and the way the bed was made. Did he learn how to make a bed in the military? A single book on the table. No bookmarks or dog ears were noted in the book. Only if you ask him does he tell you the exact page, line, and word he stopped on. Impressive. With permission to open drawers, one can find all James’s items stored in such a way that everything is easily recognizable and grabbable. However, he does not have an organizer for these items and just sorts “depending on material and subject matter”. His clothes look somewhat like one another as they all are business casual white button-up shirts, jeans, dress pants, gray sweaters, and gray blazers. The drawers are immaculate and feel like an in-a-store display instead of in a house. When asked about his favorite places in the house he suggests the library and the garden. In the library, one can find a few books lying about near reading spots such as the table beside the chair with the lamp. There is a book resting against the wall under the window. When asked, James states he often chases the last of the sunlight to read by the window, and having the book there is easier to access than having to walk back and forth from the shelf. The shelf has a few books lying on their spines to make a note of the space from which the original books were taken.

The amount of discipline he forces himself to follow that makes others revere him can either make the best first impression or give off an air of coldness. The pedestal that others put him on which force him to keep up the appearance of knowing what the heck is always going on. Let’s face it there are few people who are truly prepared for the unexpected. Life is about how well you can adjust and adapt to events. As Erik once said James is just Lucky. Lucky that no one will see his flaws because of his appearance of perfection. Lucky because everyone seems to hand you things if you look like you have your life together. But is someone truly lucky, if all an outsider sees is how you are outside? If outsiders never take the time to know you, never offer to help, never say it’s ok to take a break, and never check in with you because they cannot to see you as an equal? Since the world will fall apart if a person who is perfect is not so perfect at all.

Easily considered the golden goose of his siblings, James is known as the prodigy child of the Demon Lord. Sitting at the right hand of the throne, James has seen many of his father’s decisions declared firsthand. One can even infer that early on in his life, James knew his father would not give up the throne easily. After all why would a prideful man after power, ever consider letting go of that power freely to a being that would eventually become a rival? When you train someone to rule, you often tell them not to obey because they need to be firm with their choices. There is a human saying knowledge is power and James was often reading. Meaning James had the ability to spot inconsistencies with how his father ruled but he probably learned to keep his mouth shut just to keep his head on his shoulders. But James was loyal to the father’s cause and knew no other way of life than to rule. So, he seems perfect because he was told to be and learned to be.

Many could say he was a soldier following the beat of someone else’s drum and told to give himself up for a cause that claimed to be for the “greater good”. The “greater good” of uniting every demon under one banner, one ruler, and one unified power that not even heaven or hell could stop. Without different allegiances, in theory, everyone would stop fighting with each other and instead should be focused on the goal. A goal that even James knew was ridiculous. The demons did not want to be led, threatened, mistreated, unheard, or worse killed for just trying to live their lives! Why would demons ever try to fight the other two know powerhouses of the world? James did not even live long enough to study the different worlds because he was forced to study all types of demon law and customs. With so much studying James could barely have a social life except for his brothers! However, even with limited friends James still stood confident in his ability to win others over. Even if most of them he won over were just trying to get with him superficially because of his position. This means that James knows how to treat others equally at least to keep up good relations with people so he can seem charming.

###

Youngblood Resolution

From the first moment, they met Mika fell in love with James’s smooth voice and gorgeous features. He noticed her pain, and in that instant, she felt acknowledged for the first time. Unlike most adults in her life, James questioned Mika’s conduct and put her in for a split second in the spotlight. A spotlight that she could not run from because she had accepted his arm to walk her to the chair at the head of the table. Thinking back, the only reason she admitted a bit of her truth to the whiskey-eyed stranger was that she wanted to keep him by her side. She was interested in what the tall, good-looking, and put-together adult would say. Would he judge her just as other adults did and force his advice into her hands? No, James’s voice of honey soothed her concern with a concise observation. His voice was her reward and offered her comfort just as her grandfather’s words had healed her soul many times before. This interaction easily overwrote her initial fear of the brothers as she now felt closer to James. James felt like the leader, he was respectful, and surely staying by his side meant she had nothing to fear from the rest. In her mind, she wanted to spend more time with James because he paid attention to her, listened to her, and was nice to her without being vulgar. Mika held onto the hope that one day James would return her affection and they would get married. She knew that thinking about marriage when only knowing him for about a day was quick. But that is how fast she crushed on people, and she knew there was nothing wrong with having hope.

The evening James saved her from Malix, Mika couldn’t sleep and decided to write in her journal. Her entry was a secret love letter that expressed her unsaid adoration and thanks for James coming into her life. She had been so engrossed in her writing that she jumped nearly six feet when she heard someone clearing their throat. Standing to her side and peering into her journal was a beautiful woman with piercing red eyes, chestnut hair, and a well-endowed figure. Mika’s scream was caught in her throat, but she simply hugged her journal close to her chest before she spoke.

“Don’t look! No wait! Who are you!?” Mika shouted

The woman crossed her arms before addressing the human.

“I have no business with you. But I do have business with the man you are writing about. If you hand him and his brothers over to me, I will get out of your hair. I can even go as far as making you forget I ever came here.” The woman said.

“How did you- No! I don’t have to tell you anything! You broke into my house!” Mika said

“I didn’t break anything, human. I’m a demon. I’m just here to offer a way to make your life normal again.” The other said

“Normal?! I don’t want to go back to how things were! I won’t let things go back!” Mika said getting out of bed and getting within arm’s reach of the woman as she spoke “You don’t know what it was like! I don’t want that to be normal!”

“Oh? Child, you don’t have any powers to keep his attention for long. You are just one human out of many. Or are you so delusional from your horrid past that you believe he’ll say he loves you?” The woman asked

“You, know nothing about my life and I won’t let you have them,” Mika said

“Go on and convince yourself. With your looks, he’ll get bored of the novelty of human hearts soon. I won’t even have to lift a finger.” The woman said

“SHUT UP!” Mika lunged and attempted to hit the other woman, but her fist was blocked and caught in the hand of the other.

The woman then easily pulled Mika close into a firm embrace where Mika could feel the other’s breath on her face. The hold was awkward since one arm was held over her head and the other was trapped between her own and the woman’s warm chest. Then the woman’s grip tightened to the point it almost hurt Mika’s wrist and back. How was that even possible?

“Hit a nerve, did I? If you are so keen on that man. Then you should learn to control this temper of yours, dear. It’s unbecoming of a lady going after the first prince.” The woman said

In response, Mika spit at the woman and glared at the other’s eyes in defiance. It took a woman a split second to recover from the shock and soon Mika watched the other’s eyes turn an even brighter red. The next moment Mika felt an intense pressure in her head, her tongue felt heavy and there felt as if something was squeezing around her throat.

“You see, little one, I was simply trying to save you from heartache. But there is no one here to stop me from getting rid of you.” The woman said as the pain over Mika worsened. For a split second, Mika thought she was going to pass out. As sudden as it came the pain whisked away to allow her to breathe, but Mika's voice was still trapped “Now I can’t have you calling him and ruining your punishment, can I? You need to understand you never had the upper hand here and never will. You are a weak link, a bargaining piece, and a second-rate witch at best. You are so obsessed with that man but there is nothing stopping you from achieving things greater than he can!” Diana pushed Mika back into her bed with ease and magic. “You aren’t even worth explaining anything to. When we meet again you will call me Diana, human”

Mika could not move her body from the sitting position and was forced to watch Diana disappear into a portal. Even when Diana left, Mika’s body refused to move which left her the choice to sit in silence or fall asleep sitting up. She was just happy that when she awoke the next day the effects of the spell wore off. After a quick visit to the bathroom and a change of clothes, Mika told the boys about Diana. Mika straight out asked them if she would be targeted simply because she offered to house them. The boys were quiet for a few moments before Sam said Mika did not have to worry about Diana as they would all do their best to protect her. At the time Mika was not comforted by Sam’s response and voiced her concerns to them again. In response, James stood up and walked over to her saying

“Your focus should be on school. Leave Diana to me and my brothers. You know I will come to protect you whenever you call for me. Just trust my promise to you, Mika.” James said

After James spoke, he gently caressed her face and asked for a kiss. The action was simple but enough to calm Mika’s worries and she easily accepted the kiss. To Mika, James had been the only adult aside from her grandfather to stay true to his word. James put down Malix for her and always seemed ready to give her or his four brothers guidance.

The school day went by uneventfully, but Mika’s friends commented a couple of times that Mika seemed tense. Mika easily attributed her tense demeanor to Lisette’s almost friendly truce-seeking attitude. It was true that Lisette never treated Mika nicely in front of the popular pose, but Lisette never went out of her way to make amends with Mika before. Lisette usually treated Mika with indifference however it seemed that Mika was the only one to acknowledge this shift. Or maybe there were more sides to Lisette that Mika never got to see? Or was it that eye-catching purple pencil that had something to do with it? Mika did not entertain her suspicions too much just in case Lisette tried something funny later. Although Mika’s fears never came to true as she was soon back in the company of James and his brothers.

That same night a fit of restlessness called Mika out of bed to catch Diana trying to convince James to go to the Plains. Also, it was the night that Mika heard James declare his love for her and refuse Diana’s offer. Mika felt a surge of pride for herself, possessiveness for James, and anger towards Diana that caused her to burst in to interrupt the two just to tell Diana off. Before Mika could even blink or get to James’s side, Diana stole a kiss from James and disappeared! Mika was still fuming but James’s unsteady grip on her shoulder caught her attention. Mika quickly became worried, but James turned the focus back to Mika asking if she was ok. To Mika, the fact he cared more about her than himself made her feel at ease and reminded her how much she adored him. This thought gave her the courage to admit her feelings for the eldest incubus. In return, James told Mika that he loved her, and his touch sought her in a way no one had ever done before. Elation and feelings easily carried Mika away as she reciprocated James’s touch. That night the two joined as one seeking comfort and reward in each other as they held on to the hope that the worse was behind them. Then the next night, as if stepping out of Mika’s dreams, James proposed to her and sealed their fate together.

One would believe that marriage ensures a fairytale ending, but is that ever truly the case? Diana’s words never left Mika’s mind and it often caused her possessiveness to come up at any time. There were times James missed Mika’s cues but luckily Mika was quick to give in to James and admit what was bothering her. Meaning James always took the role of a comforter who allowed Mika to indulge in whatever she wanted at any time. Meanwhile, Mika would silently question James’s loyalty and focused on spending as much time with James as she could. When they were home or outside together Mika could be seen clinging onto James’s arm or holding his hand. When apart Mika would often text James questions about schoolwork, tips on cooking, and ideas for dates that she wanted. If James did not respond quickly Mika would end up telling the plans to Damien or Matthew before texting the idea to James again. Mika did such things because in the back of her mind she worried that Diana would come back for James or that some other woman might try to take James from her. It was only when James was in her sight, in her arms, and doting on her that she felt loved and that he loved her in return. What she had kind of forgotten was that the brothers were still her roommates and often kept tabs on the two. After a few months of watching the couple, the brothers took Mika out. They sat her down for a talk and pointed out how she could be seen as controlling. Thus Mika was offended and immediately became defensive. Until Sam spoke up saying:

“You act like you never had legs before! You use him like a crutch whenever you are around him! Maybe it’s because you are young, and this experience is new for you. But never forget what we are, Mika! Did it ever occur to you that once James found out you were Harold fricking Anderson’s granddaughter that he would have a foot in the door to gaining a different kind of crown? James was trained to be king!”

Mika was shocked into silence and when she looked at the other brothers for comfort none of them met her eye. Mika took a few deep breaths to stifle her emotions as she took some money and blocked out the words Matthew and Erik were trying to offer. After she placed the money for her meal on the table, she did her best to speedwalk and not run out of the door. Mika was hurt because each word Sam spoke was like a bucket of cold water over her head. The sheer audacity of the boys after she offered her house to them! How dare Sam implies that she was just using James and that James was using her! That could not be true! She was not that selfish of a person! James even said he loved her to Diana! Mika did not force James to say that, and she did not force him to stay! James was his own person and she just wanted to be with him. Was that so wrong!

Does he truly want to be with you?

Did you ever ask him what he wanted?

Are not always wanting him to act perfect while you act like a baby?

“Shut up…” Mika whispered to herself as she wiped her tears.

Why did the voice in her head have to be so cruel? She was trying her best every day she just got lazy, but she knew she could do it if she put her mind to it. James seemed to want control and she thought being submissive was what he wanted. But has she ever really asked James? Did he only indulge her just because she was the closest person nearby? Mika felt her voice shake as the possibility that James had simply been using her started to fester in her mind. There was no way, right? No, she had to call him. She needed to… Mika’s hand shook when James’s voicemail box picked up. She was alone and no one was on her side in this. Mika felt a surge of panic rise within her as she quickly covered her ears and started to hum to herself. She forced herself to focus on her own humming and even shut her eyes as if her actions could shut off her thoughts. Although she wanted to block her thoughts the remnants of them still affected her and her heart still hurt. It took her awhile to somewhat recover as she let a few stray tears go, however when she got up she did not stop humming. In fact Mika hummed herself almost all the way home as she told herself to focus on the sound. She did notice a few stares and would lower her humming, but Mika did not want to stop humming. Mika felt she needed to continue humming or else she’ll have a mental break down in public! The rest of the way home seemed like a blur as she tried to suppress her thoughts.

Eventually, Mika approached the mansion’s door and shivered as if her mind’s chill escaped into reality. As she gently closed and then locked the mansion door, Mika glanced around taking note as to how much the mansion has changed because of THEM. The game system was set up in the living room for the group to play games. In the same living room was gaudy exercise equipment because of Sam. There were a few simple books tucked away in different areas of the house because of Damien. There were new curtains and an open songbook on the piano because of Erik. There were many different dishes, cutting boards, and knives drying in the dish rack because of Matthew. There were new flowers and vases around the house because of James.

Had all the brothers been playing with her feelings this whole time as Sam implied? Was he jealous of James? Did Sam feel sorry for his brother being tied down to a human? Was Damien even her friend, she basically told him everything! But he had always been soft-spoken, hadn’t he? She should not blame him, probably. Not even the suave, silver-tongued, pretty boy stepped up to stop his brother. Then again, they had never been close since she made it clear that he creeped her out. Matthew was just someone fun to be around and his insults for others always took Mika a while to understand. Maybe Matthew had told her off in the past, but she never had her mind focused on him? That was possible. James could have told her and been honest if he was having a problem with her. Then again she did rely on James too much. But I mean she never had much guidance growing up and he was willing to give her guidance! It’s not like she was saying that James was her dad, right? I mean she did call him daddy sometimes, but the context is different! She calls him that because the title is sexy. Look it’s not like they are related, or she is asking him to baby her! She just asks that he protect her, provide for her, and discipline her if she does wrong. I mean it’s not like he is raising her! She is 18 and he is just 5 years older than her.

As Mika brushed her thumb against the flowers, she scoffed at herself “…I would usually get upset if he said anything.”

That was the truth she was pretty much defensive over every little thing, and she was headstrong. Meaning it was possible that James saw her as someone hard to talk to. Thinking about it, Mika never knew anything about the boy’s past because she never asked. So, she did not know how many places they have called home, but it was clear looking around the mansion that her home has equally become their home. Mika forced out a big sigh and went to sit on the living room couch thinking over her questions. She knew she had to ask the boys or at least James directly but what was she going to say? Mika's thoughts started creating mock scenarios of her ideal outcome and the worst possible outcomes. She went as far as writing some of her questions on a notepad to ask James later. When Mika could not take the swirling thoughts, she decided to listen to ASMR videos on her phone and focused on her breathing. It was a habit she forced herself to do when she was stressed out, her mother had called it internalizing. The noises and emptiness of the house eventually lulled Mika into a nap.

“Love?... Wake up, please. It’s cold downstairs. The blankets are much warmer.” James said

His voice was gentle as if nothing was wrong. Maybe his brothers did not say anything? Did his brothers come home? Mika stirred and sat up looking over to James who stood nearby where she had laid down.

“Did your brothers come back home?” Mika asked

“No. They said not to wait up for them either because they are going to find accommodations for tonight.” James said

“Oh… I hope they stay safe” Mika said

“Erik and Sam are with them. I trust those two will watch after the younger ones. Shall we get you to bed?” James asked

“…Yeah” Mika looked down at her hands for a moment then spoke up “Actually can we talk?”

James looked surprised for moment but took a seat next to Mika “Is something on your mind?”

“Um. I know this going to sound stupid… But do you love me?” Mika asks

“Of course, I do… Mika is something wrong?”

Mika looks to James’s expression, and he seems to look worried. But Mika could not hold back all her concerns “Are you saying that just because you got comfortable feeding off me? Aren’t you just keeping me wrapped around your finger because you can?”

James’s seemed to search her face before speaking but his expression became unreadable “…Is that what you think I am doing, Mika?”

“No… I don’t know. James answer me, please!” Mika pleads and holds onto James’s hands

James was silent for a moment “The only thing I have ever wanted, Mika, was my brother’s happiness. I want them safe, sheltered, fed, and out of trouble. So, I made myself open for you not because I wanted you but because I needed you to trust us and not be scared. Right now, I can tell you are stressed and from books, I know that loving someone takes time. We have not been together long, so I need to know what more you want from me for you to be secure.”

“So, you used me! You are manipulating me!” Mika said getting up and stepping away from James

“I never said that-“James said

“No! Don’t gaslight me! That’s what you implied!” Mika shouted

“I won’t deny that I am willing to say and do almost anything for my brothers.” Mika's body shivered in response because he seemed so cold “Mika, I treated you as cordially as I would with any stranger. Humans seem to return kindness for kindness and so far, that mentality has worked with you. Dating you means my brothers have a place to return to with food and are out of trouble. If I marry you then I ensure that at least you would be there to support our identities. Over our time together I have indulged you as best as I could using information about love from books. Is there more you want from me that you haven’t told me?”

“Raestro! I want you to love me because you want to love me! Not because I want it! Did you ever love me at all! Did you lie when you told Diana that you loved me?” Mika asked her voice breaking a bit. But she stood her ground she needed to know.

James sighed and stood before her relaxed “According to a dictionary love means having deep affection, great interest, pleasure, or enjoyment with someone or something. You are interesting to me; I can never anticipate what you might say or do. I enjoy being so relaxed without the threat of death around every corner. My brothers and I are forever indebted to you for allowing us an opportunity to live with you. I feel pride whenever I catch your blushing face staring at me. So, I do love you, Mika. Were you hoping for something else?” James said

Mika shook her head and looked away “Honestly…I wasn’t…I di-didn’t know what to expect from you… it’s always logic with you isn’t it. Haha” a sob slipped past Mika’s lips but she bit down and looked to her feet “… So there were no feelings of affection for me I was just something to boost your pride and a new sight to watch, huh?”

When James said nothing, Mika looked up at him, and his confused face

“What! Got nothing to say now, bookworm!” Mika accused

“No, I do have something to say…” James stays quite until Mika signals for him to continue “…Books say that love takes time to grow and requires all parties involved to work for it. I do feel platonic love for you, but romantic love will take longer for me to grasp. Also, I feel like you have always left the decisions up to me. I want you to be able to tell me what you want and need instead of making me always take the lead with decisions. Often you ask me what I want. But it always feels like it turns into a guessing game to guess what you want, and it stresses me out. I do not find having absolute control over every aspect of someone’s life enjoyable as it reminds me of my… father” James said

Mika blushed “…I’m sorry”

“No worries you had no idea... But I feel it would be best for you to figure out what you want and learn to communicate it with me. Just know my brothers and I will support you even if you are not dating me. We do owe you for supporting us.” James said

“I just. I don’t want you guys sticking around for obligation…” Mika said

“With how many calls I receive from you a day I think otherwise,” James said

“…I’m sorry I am clingy, aren’t I?” Mika said

“Honestly yes. But that just means I am not meeting your needs to make you feel secure in this relationship.” James said

“I- ha I think that is just a problem with my confidence… I wish I could have better self-confidence.” Mika said

“What do you want to do to help build your own self-confidence?” James asks

“Any tips?” Mika asks sheepishly

“There are a few books I can lend you to read. If you like” James said

“I think… I think I would like that.” Mika said

Unbeknownst to the two beings, there were a few beings listening in using a helpful toy.

“Think she is going to get better?” Matthew asks

“Who knows. I just didn’t realize the lost woman would be helpful to her” Sam said

“In a way it could be said Diana used you to play cupid for those two,” Erik said giving Sam a push

“Buzz off that is disgusting!” Sam said and shivered

“She did though. She saw their potential.” Damien said

“Oh! Hey Damien! You feeling, ok?” Matthew asked

“I just feel a little weaker, but I can’t hear your guys' voices anymore,” Damien said

“Congrats, Damien! We are happy for you!” Sam said giving a genuine smile to the youngest while ruffling Damien’s hair

“We will monitor you though just in case,” Erik said with a slight smile

“I wonder where she learned to force power into a crystal though ever heard of it, Erik?” Matthew asked

“Yeah, I have. It’s a strong spell, but she is a pure-blood.” Erik said thoughtfully

“Hm.” Matthew simply hummed “I just hope things turn in her favor.”

“She is not our problem and we should make sure that Mika doesn’t become a problem again,” Sam said

“Ha. Rude.” Matthew said

Damien yawned and continued to lie on the hotel bed. Tonight the four would sleep in a two-bed hotel room. Sam was going to sleep on the pull-out couch, Erik slept in his own bed, while Matthew and Damien shared a bed for one night. So far it seemed as if the boys would have to help Mika find confidence and they couldn't leave James alone on this journey just yet.

#seduce me james #seduce me the otome #seduce me 2 the demon war #seduce me sam #seduce me matthew #seduce me damien #out of character #seduce me erik

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diyabloko · 1 year

Text

i've got somethink yk.. spicy. goldrose boys are precious and i love to write about their playful and unholy things.

improvised tags: rhys is imaginable, s4 post-canon, a bit of joe/kate is there.

18+, i guess.

Joe reaches out, closes his eyes, hoping to immerse himself in these sensations that teeter on the edge of reality. Seeing Rhys's face is very satisfying, looking into his eyes dissolves constructive thoughts, but hearing his giggles and feeling his hand on his hips is a particular kind of exquisite pleasure that he can afford in a spacious bed after a day of work. And then tiredly watching something with Kate, sharing a bored libido and lingering fatigue. But she's a businesswoman, and Joe is a crazy man.

"Rhys." His hand almost slides from Rhys's shoulder to his back, but Joe only digs his fingers in harder, hoping to keep everything in its usual position. He opens his eyes slightly, looking at the face from under his eyelashes in anticipation. Who could doubt that the best partner is your own thoughts? Especially when they're so beautiful, with their hair in disarray and their eager expression. And with a black shirt, rolled up sleeves, an exquisite watch, bony fingers... That are happy to go under the clothes.

"You know, you should think less about my name when you're horny. Your girl will have questions if you kiss her with the name of a murdered London mayoral candidate. But I'm curious to see how you'll get out of this, Goldberg," he turns away a little and looks at his hands. He thinks as he undoes the buttons on Joe's pants and stares at his underwear for a while, finally caressing him gently through it. "You know I'm not the best counselor, but I'm a very, very good gloater from the sidelines."

"I should have found a less talkative person to be my companion."

"How polite of you to suggest that I should shut up. But who among us doesn't know how much you enjoy my conversations?" It's hard to question his remarks. Not only because the image of him skillfully lubricating his fingers flashes before eyes, but also because it's hard to find even a shred of lie in them. If Rhys didn't exist (what a miracle, so he does exist now? Who's you trying to decieve?), all that Joe would have to do is listen to old videos, listen to the timbre, catch phrases and keeping them in mind, be content with his imagination. False and cruel, because now-dead-Rhys stories about his favorite lunch would not work at all, unlike his dirty, mundane conversations about dirty, mundane affair. He wants to reproach him in order to encourage him more - and he knows this because he knows Joe. That is, because he is Joe. But it doesn't matter that much anymore. Especially when the feedback becomes more like a whimper through closed lips. Especially when his fingers are getting in the Joe, not waiting in vain. "Actually, you made two mistakes. You couldn't have chosen anyone but Rhys. One, you pervert, only bite at big fish. And secondly, you always choose yourself as a companion, my friend, only this time you have a skillful repeater for your silent head. And a realizer. And anything else you need and I can give you. Be a good boy, don't strain so much, I still need to adjust to you."

"We don't have a lot of time. You can just..."

"I'll decide what I can do," he touches fingers to Joe's cheek, gently tickling the stubble, as if to offset the harsh tone with care. Joe only needs one eye contact to straighten up, his muscles doing a great job of outlining the position of Rhys's fingers. Rhys only whispered a reassuring whisper as he moved his lips to Joe's. Kissing him while slowly moving his fingers as if trying to get used to the bizarre stringed instrument. Eventually, Joe also makes sounds, hiding them among his sighs. At first uncertain, but eventually rhythmic, sharp, and rapidly fading away when Rhys wanted to slow down or speed up.

Eventually, the position changed to a more horizontal one, and Joe couldn't resist the urge to lie down, letting the persistent, caring movements take over. Along with silly comments that surprisingly did not spoil the mood. Probably because Rhys, no matter what he says, deserves to be heard. And felt. And in some moments, time seemed to freeze in space.

"What did you say?" his voice sounds demanding. Mocking. Joe isn't sure if he said anything. But since everything happens in his head, maybe he haven't such need at all. But Rhys is the ruler in his head, and he knows better. His touch brings back memories to the beat of his heart. The partner realizes this as he approaches. "How is this, 'Further'? Explain it to me."

"Are you going to limit yourself to your fingers?"

"I'm sorry, do you see anything else of yours that I can use? Keep in mind that my fingers are your fingers, and your dick, with all due respect, can't reach desired point. Unless I'll separate it. But I assure you that you don't want that," he stutters, biting his lip. He waggles his eyebrows. - "You're the one who gets along with genital torture, between the two of us. It's a personal insult."

"Don't mock me. You know how it works better than I do. І... You know exactly how to... How to make me believe it."

"Like in my hands? Your hands. Like my kisses? Your imagination. Like anything that's mine? It's not mine, Joe."

"What's your point?"

"Give me something that is mine. Figuratively. We'll get something," he whispers the last part against Joe's ear, eventually kissing his cheek, teasing him with movements as he watches the stomach twitch with sharp breathing. "Or do you only use sex shops to plan murders? We can make up something perverted, then, if it helps. Come on."

"And how would that be yours?"

"Not a figment of your imagination about me. Just a controlled element of it. By me, of course."

"No. It's still my decision in the end."

"Oh, yes. I like to think it's your decision even more. Stay with the thought of sex in your mind and decide what you want to happen next."

He kisses him, and when he lets go, Joe looks ahead of him and fills with his usual confusion. He's gone. Just like he always does. He will reappear soon, making a joke about a lonely and intense orgasm, but for now he is somewhere secretly lurking in the depths of the unconscious.

And within minutes of Goldberg catching his breath, the door opens. Sturdy heels clack a little, and he doesn't even realize how he's jumping up to meet Kate. She's stunning. And pleasantly tired. With some kind of package and slightly furrowed brows. But as soon as she sees the guy in the hallway, her face quickly softens. She leaves her coat at the entrance and, stepping toward him, manages to look around with interest, as if looking for signs of changes in some of the interior details.

"There seems to be hot in here. Why are you so red?"

"You can tell? I..." he gently touches her hand in greeting, but eventually shakes his head. - "I was moving the wardrobe in the room. I overestimated my strength."

"You rascal," she giggles, touching his neck caringly. He leans in to meet her, and eventually barely hugs her with his free arm. - "You overestimate yourself in many ways. Would I be the first to say that you are a terrible liar?"

"Well, then she bites horribly at your horrid lies, y'know?" Rhys appears as if from behind her, passing through the partners to the open space in the aisle. "The poor girl doesn't know much, and chooses not to know much. You have to appreciate her for that."

"Hey. Joh... Joe," she snaps her fingers in front of his face, and eventually follows the trajectory Rhys had mapped out to put her things on the table. Rhys only looks at the packages with interest, spinning in place. "You don't have to make up excuses for jerking off. It's not like I'm keeping a record of our sex life."

"She should have. Listen, you have to tell her about your 'further'."

"I'm sorry. I still didn't catch my breath yet," Goldberg adjusts shoes as he enters, looking concentrated, just to avoid making eye contact with anyone present. Or absent. It depends.

"Don't tell me I interrupted you. Because I definitely won't be able to help you with that," she catches herself from continuing. She stops talking. She sighs. As if she wants to say something, she lets Joe recover. "I bought your cereal. You can thank me."

"How thoughtful. Joe, don't be an asshole, thank her."

"Thank you."

#smut #joe x rhys #you netflix #you s4 #you spoilers #you #rhys montrose #goldrose #joe goldberg #joe x kate #drabble #fanfic #fic

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