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amethystina · 4 days

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As with most things, I think there are a lot of factors that play into it. The most obvious is, of course, that the source material is interesting enough to keep people engaged. It's got a depth and level of nuance that makes it very fun to explore for fans and content creators. Having a good foundation to stand on is always important and certainly helps with the amount of fanworks that can be produced.

But that in itself can't sustain a fandom or make it thrive.

Now, I'm one of those people who creates mostly for myself, for whichever fandom I want. I putter around in my corner, writing my things, drawing my art, and posting it if I feel like it. The size and activity level of the fandom has never really impacted my choices.

But, that said, I'm not immune to the rush one gets from people engaging with the things I create. It would be both ignorant and rude of me to pretend otherwise, especially considering the amount I'm given.

Engagement and community matters.

And the fact that people are excited to see what I create makes me want to create more. Would I still have created without the engagement? Yes, definitely. But the engagement helps. It motivates me to do it faster, to put more effort into it, and to share it with even more people.

I have no doubt that had I not gotten the response I did on Who Holds the Devil — to keep writing it with so much detail, to really delve deep into the characters, to explore what many now call a season 2 of the drama — that fic would have been so much shorter. I write for myself, yes, but that also means that had it just been for my own satisfaction, I could have settled for something less complex.

The insane level of detail and exploration of the characters isn't really for me.

It's for you.

My readers were the ones who motivated me to make it this big and sprawling. To actually write down what it looks like inside my head and not just do the broad strokes as I most often do when the main goal is to get the idea out of my system.

And the fact that I can tell that people are still waiting for updates, still eager for more, and still enjoying what I do makes me want to keep sharing. Especially since I'm a bit of a fandom hermit, who's really bad at seeking out other people in fandom unless they're literally in my DMs or comment sections. So this is how I try to contribute. I make things and I share them. And, sometimes, people talk to me about them and, sometimes, they talk to each other about them. Either way, I'm contributing to the discussion. To the content being created and the conversations taking place.

And, in the end, I think that's the key.

It's the sharing. The creating. The comments, the rants, the metas, the DMs — the community.

It's us.

A good source material certainly helps since that makes it easier to create but, in the long run, the only thing that can keep a fandom alive is the fandom itself. And the people in it are what makes the fandom.

So when you ask me why?

Well, it's simple:

I'm here because you are.

And I'm very happy to be sharing all this love, creativity, and enthusiasm with you all. You're amazing 💜

Everytime I meet my friends, they will be surprised that the TDJ fandom has lasted so long. And to think it is able to do so with just one season, 16 episodes, and nothing more after that.

They will ask me why? And I thought that I will pass the question on to the rest of you.

Why?

We are still here even though the drama finished airing after 2021. And I still see fics being written on AO3 as well.

#The Devil Judge #Or just fandom in general I guess #Amethystina Writes #and also rambles apparently #I'm feeling a bit sentimental today #I was struck by the realisation that I can't really picture my life without The Devil Judge #Which sounds terribly dramatic I know #But like #Creating for that fandom has impacted my life to such a degree that I KNOW a lot of things would be different without it #Not just because of the people I've met #But also what and how I create #It was what dragged me back into writing fanfics #Kicking and screaming #Because I felt like I had lost the desire for it #Turns out I just needed the right piece of media #And the right people to encourage me to keep going #And it also made me challenge myself when it comes to realism in my art #So truly #Thank you #I'm here because of you all #And you can pry this drama from my cold dead hands

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amethystina · 4 days

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AGE OF ULTRON (2015)

#Oh Tony #I love you #Steve Rogers #Captain America #Tony Stark #Iron Man #The Avengers #MCU #Avengers: Age of Ultron

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amethystina · 5 days

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Last Sentence Tag

I was tagged by @minister-of-silly-walks! Thank you 💜

Rules: Share the last sentence you wrote on your current project.

I, uh, have quite a few ongoing projects, but here are the five I worked on the most recently.

Chapter 40 of Who Holds the Devil:

Ga On was so tired of himself.

It Is Mine to Avenge:

Ga On was warmth and light and beauty, and Yo Han couldn't bear the thought of losing that.

Chapter 6 of New Dawn:

Living with Yoon Sa Wol was turning into an exercise in self-control.

Bonus chapter for Until Death Do Us Unite:

Jong Woo would probably never understand Moon Jo's obsession with teeth, but he did keep all the jewelry the weirdo gifted him.

Chapter 2 of Darkness and Light:

"Who I entertain is none of your business."

And I tag whoever wants to do it! :D

#Amethystina Does Tag Games #Last Sentence Tag #I really have more projects than I should #Or 'should' is the wrong word #But I'm one of those people who works best when I focus on one thing at a time #I'm just more efficient that way #So I think I might just have to sit down and make a list #And just work my way through it one project/chapter at a time #And New Dawn would end up pretty high on that list #I want to finish that one so bad

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amethystina · 5 days

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Girl you're calling that a sex scene? That was the ART OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. You are the best at what you do and I'm sorry I know I'm shameless but your fic got me thinking, understanding the boys as good as you do, how do you think Yo Han would react if he got some indications or evidence that Ga On is cheating on him? Not that I'll ever believe Ga On to be capable of it, but I'm just wondering if some signs pointed that way, what do you think Yo Han would do or think?

I have to say, this ask nearly gave me a heart attack x'D Because the notification only said: "Girl you're calling that a sex scene? That was" before it cut off, so I definitely had time to start panicking, wondering just how terrible that sex scene must have been. A part of me didn't even want to open the ask x'D

It was fine once I did, obviously, but man, I was scared there for a second.

ANYWAY. I think Yo Han's reaction depends on how long they've been together. And also what kind of hints and evidence he's seeing, of course, but his actions depend mostly on how long they've been together and how secure he feels in their relationship.

Like, I think that after a couple of years, once they've gotten settled, gotten better at communicating, and Yo Han has learned that no, he won't actually end up devouring Ga On because Ga On has enough darkness of his own to withstand whatever Yo Han can throw at him, he'll calm down significantly. He'll realise that Ga On doesn't want someone else and, even if Ga On did, he's bold enough to just flat-out say that. He wouldn't go behind Yo Han's back and cheat — he'd tell Yo Han to his face that he's found someone else and wants to separate.

Not that Ga On ever would, but he's too honest and righteous to sneak around and lie, basically.

So, like, after a certain point, even if they ended up in the cliché, dramatic scenario where Ga On comes home with lipstick on his shirt collar, Yo Han's first thought wouldn't be: "Are you cheating on me?" but rather: "Did someone try to assault you?"

Quickly followed by: "Who is she?" and "Where does she live?"

Yo Han, NO.

And when Ga On explains that he was just trying to help a drunk woman get a taxi home and she collapsed against him as they were waiting and must have smudged lipstick on his collar as she did so, Yo Han would just go: "Yeah, that checks out. That's definitely something Ga On would do — and much more reasonable than him cheating on me."

(Partly also because Yo Han kind of expects that if Ga On truly was cheating on him, despite all odds, he would be much better at hiding the evidence. He trained his sugar baby better than that, okay?)

But if it's earlier in their relationship? When Yo Han still thinks that he's going to suffocate or scare Ga On away? And Ga On hasn't learned to open up yet? So he won't tell Yo Han what he's feeling and thinking? Then things might develop differently — and can turn quite ugly, unfortunately.

Like, it can start with something as simple as Ga On being tired. Perhaps work is being difficult — forcing him to stay late a lot — and maybe it's getting close to the anniversary of Soo Hyun's death and Ga On is closing himself off more than usual. But Ga On doesn't want to bother Yo Han with something as silly as him being tired, or reawaken the jealousy Yo Han feels towards Soo Hyun, so he just doesn't say anything. And tells white lies when Yo Han asks if something is wrong. But Yo Han would notice that Ga On starts brushing him off, is home less often, and probably isn't as physically affectionate as he usually would be.

And once the thought that Ga On might be cheating on him appears, it'd be difficult for Yo Han to let it go. He'd probably push it aside at first, with the very reasonable explanation that, no, Ga On is too honest and good for something like that. But it would resurface the next time Ga On brushes him off, and get even worse when Ga On seems tense and a little awkward when he hugs Yo Han — as if he's feeling uncomfortable.

Or guilty.

And Ga On is feeling guilty, because he's missing Soo Hyun and he knows that Yo Han wouldn't like that if he knew. And so Ga On clams up even more, refusing to talk about it. But Yo Han would assume it's because of something else — something even worse.

And, sadly, once the suspicion gains hold, I think Ga On would be guilty until proven innocent in Yo Han's mind. Because Yo Han is never wrong, right? So, clearly, it's just a matter of finding the evidence. And so he'd try to find said proof by invading Ga On's privacy, having him followed and investigated — all that unacceptable shit Yo Han does. Because now Yo Han has something to prove and he'd lose sight of the fact that, in doing so, he might just be causing an even bigger problem that will, sooner or later, blow up in his face. He'd lose himself to the hunt.

Because it's not like there will ever come a time when he goes: "Okay, I've had Ga On followed for three weeks now and he hasn't done anything, that probably means he's not cheating on me." It'd be: "He just hasn't slipped up yet."

On pure habit, he'd start treating Ga On like a target — like someone he has to expose.

And since Yo Han can't exactly talk to Ga On about this — who is now one of the few people who'd try to hold Yo Han back when he crosses the line (R.I.P. K, we miss you) — there's literally nothing stopping him. And so it just becomes a question of what happens first: Ga On figuring out that Yo Han is having him followed for some reason, Ga On catching Yo Han invading his privacy, or Ga On getting unsettled enough by Yo Han's behaviour to ask what the hell is going on.

Because Yo Han wouldn't be able to just keep behaving normally. He's a good actor, yes, but Ga On knows the difference between Yo Han's genuine affection and when he's trying to fake it. And Yo Han has to start faking it after a while, once his doubts grow strong enough. Because it's difficult to keep giving it your all when you think your partner is cheating on you.

And Ga On would be able to tell when Yo Han starts acting weird. But there's also a danger that he might assume that it's because Yo Han has figured out what's going on with Ga On. As in, Ga On thinks that the displeasure he's picking up on is lingering jealousy over Soo Hyun, not this new threat that Yo Han has conjured up in his mind. Because the day Soo Hyun died is a date both of them know, and all that. So, maybe, Ga On wouldn't actually say anything at first, afraid that would just make Yo Han more agitated.

Meanwhile, Yo Han would be so goddamn confused because he really didn't think Ga On was this good of an actor. Because despite a bit of awkwardness, Ga On is still mostly himself, not showing nearly as much guilt as Yo Han had expected. Yo Han is surprised that Ga On can act that well.

(It's because he's not acting, you pickled cucumber)

So, most likely, I'd say that it all comes to a head when Yo Han gets caught snooping. Either because Ga On figures out that, yes, he truly is being followed, or catches Yo Han looking through his phone or something. And the resulting argument would, uh, not be pretty.

Because even if some part of Ga On could probably see that Yo Han's actions are mostly founded in insecurities — Yo Han thinking he doesn't deserve Ga On, being sure he'll scare him away eventually, thinking Ga On can easily find someone better, etc. — it's also incredibly painful to hear that Yo Han thought he'd do something like that. Like, I think Ga On could forgive the invasion of privacy and light stalking relatively easily, but the fact that Yo Han genuinely thought he'd cheat on him? That his trust in Ga On and Ga On's devotion to him is apparently that weak?

That hurts.

And, sure, Yo Han's doubts are understandable to some degree but, as per usual, it's the way he chooses to act on them that's the biggest problem. Instead of having Ga On followed like a criminal, he should have just asked to have an adult conversation about it.

Not at all helped by the fact that Yo Han would, of course, get defensive when Ga On points this out, and insist that he had very good reasons because Ga On was behaving so weirdly. Which of course means that Ga On has to explain why that is, and then Yo Han does end up feeling jealous over the whole Soo Hyun thing again, but also kind of terrible because Ga On has been suffering for weeks and he didn't notice. Like, jealousy and all that aside, Yo Han still loves Ga On with every fibre of his being and wants to protect him from everything that can hurt him — including the lingering grief after Soo Hyun's death. Ga On shouldn't suffer, period.

And it's not until after he's had that thought that Yo Han suddenly realises just how badly he's fucked up. Because Ga On would definitely be crying by then, in between the angry yelling. Like, Yo Han only has to look at him and see how devastated Ga On is, and then he'd realise that's all on him. It's Yo Han's fault.

He did that.

And, in that moment, Yo Han would also realise that he isn't immune to the concept of self-fulfilling prophecies. Since, in all the time he and Ga On has been together, this is definitely the closest he's actually come to scaring Ga On away. Because Ga On would, at the very least, move out of their shared bedroom for a while after that. If he still has his apartment, he might even go so far as to return there, too hurt and humiliated to stay at the house.

(Let's hope Elijah is somewhere else — exploring the world or something — because, otherwise, she would smack the everloving shit out of Yo Han)

And so they would both be miserable for a while and, not so surprisingly, Yo Han would feel terrible. Like, that man would spiral, probably faster than he ever has in his entire life. Because, understandable trauma and insecurities aside, this is his fault. The situation got out of hand because of his choices. And Yo Han can't say for sure if Ga On will be able to forgive him.

Meanwhile, Ga On has the dubious benefit of being the wronged party. Which, in theory, means you'll be hurt and angry, but don't have to take the blame onto yourself quite as much. Or at least it would — unless you're Kim Ga On. Whose abandonment issues run so deep he's rivalling the Mariana Trench. He'd of course begin to wonder if, just maybe, it's his fault. Maybe this happened because of something he did. He must have done something to make Yo Han doubt him that much.

And, tragically, that's probably what will eventually make him reach out to Yo Han again. Because Yo Han certainly won't try to approach Ga On but, for once, it'd be more out of guilt than pride.

And he'd be wary — then horrified — when Ga On comes to him and instead of being angry, Ga On is just sad and subdued and asks what he did wrong. What did he do to lose Yo Han's trust? Should he have been kinder? Less abrasive? Less angry? What can he do to earn it back?

Had he made Yo Han feel unloved? Neglected? Unappreciated?

Or was the love Ga On had to give simply not enough?

Should he give Yo Han more? Try harder? Be less of a burden?

And Yo Han would shatter.

Because there is not a single part of Yo Han that sees Ga On as a burden. And of course Ga On's love is enough. It's literally impossible for Ga On to give more than he already is.

It would break Yo Han's heart, especially since he can tell how desperate Ga On is. That if Yo Han told him that, yes, he has to try harder, Ga On would. Ga On would do whatever it took to try and fix this problem he now thinks he's the cause of. And, what's worse, Yo Han knows he could use that to push the blame away from himself. If Yo Han wants to spare his own pride and come out the victor, all he has to do is let Ga On believe it's his fault. And it would be so easy, since Ga On is already halfway there, all on his own. Ga On wouldn't even argue.

Suddenly, Yo Han has to make a choice between his own pride — his own kneejerk reaction to never admit to a fault, never appear weak, and never surrender — and Ga On's well-being.

And the only thing Yo Han has to guide him is his own sense of morals.

Which, as we all know, are not only questionable but, a lot of the time, entirely optional.

He'll obviously pick Ga On's well-being in the end — he loves him too much not to — but Yo Han hates himself for even considering the other option. Never mind that it's based on childhood trauma and years of abuse, Yo Han hates that his first instinct is to save himself, at Ga On's expense. That realisation, more so than admitting he's done wrong, makes him feel weak.

(... many of these answers are just (unintentionally) turning into various ways to make Yo Han break for some reason?)

And, to be entirely honest with you, I can't say exactly what Yo Han's reaction and actions would be without writing it in detail and following his thoughts more closely. Mainly because there are a couple of options and which one it ends up being will depend on literally the smallest shift in his and Ga On's expressions and mannerisms.

But what I can say is that it would be a struggle for him, both to find his words and keep his emotions in check.

And he would cry.

In that way we've seen him do in the drama, where his emotions overwhelm him to the point where not even he can stop them from spilling over. So not violently or anything — he'd try to talk through it, pretending it's not happening — but he would cry. Because he'd feel so wretched over how far he's accidentally pushed Ga On. Like, forcing Ga On to the point where he'd go: "Should I be less angry? Should I give you more? Will you love me then?" is exactly what Yo Han has always criticised Soo Hyun and Professor Min for. And now he's done it himself.

But, thankfully, that also means he's going to be pretty damn motivated to fix this. Sure, some part of him might feel that, maybe, he should just let Ga On go if this is what happens when Yo Han is left to his own devices, but he's a little too selfish for that. And, deep down, he knows that Ga On wouldn't actually want Yo Han to let go.

So they would Talk.

And it would be awkward and kind of stilted for them both, but, in the long run, they both love each other too much not to. And sure, the pain and doubts wouldn't magically go away, but they'll keep working on it. And, if nothing else, the whole disaster will teach them just how important it is to communicate — even if the issue might seem small at first glance.

Like, yes, Yo Han shouldn't have jumped to conclusions and gone to the lengths that he did, but if Ga On had been a bit more open, maybe Yo Han wouldn't have. That's not to say it was Ga On's fault — Yo Han was the one to blame — but it could have been avoided if Ga On hadn't tried to keep his suffering to himself.

Communication is key, and all that.

SO YEAH.

Something like that.

There is also a middle option that would probably happen when they are, unsurprisingly, somewhere in between these two scenarios. As in, they've been together for a while so Yo Han feels a bit more secure (and his Abyss tendencies have softened a bit), but not secure enough to just brush it off. Then I think he would be tempted to have Ga On followed and that whole shebang but, after some thinking, he'd realise how much Ga On would hate that. And, eventually, he decides to just ask Ga On instead.

And Ga On will look at him and go: "I'm sorry, what? And give you a reason to start planning another unhinged, ten-year-long revenge plot?"

Which, Yo Han can admit — fair point.

And then they'd actually talk it through, too, and Yo Han can (grumpily) explain why he's feeling insecure and Ga On can (patiently) explain why he doesn't have to. And smother Yo Han with little kissies until he stops being such an idiot.

... at this point, I'm basically writing fics in these answers, aren't I? x'D

AH WELL. Thank you so much for your kind words (even if they gave me a scare) and thank you for the interesting question! Clearly, I had a lot to say on this subject.

Take care! 💜

#Amethystina Replies #Anonymous #The Devil Judge #Long post #My replies are truly reaching new heights #Or lengths #As it were #I think it's partly because I've allowed myself to look beyond Who Holds the Devil #I was holding back before #But if I give my brain free rein it'll take whatever it finds interesting and RUN #Maybe this could actually become a fic if I had the time #But that's a big if x'D #But I admit I'm tempted #Because I genuinely don't know exactly what Yo Han would do #I'd have to be there to figure that out #Which is interesting #That rarely happens #Curse this man

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amethystina · 5 days

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배드 앤 크레이지/BAD AND CRAZY Episode 3

#God these idiots #I love them #Ryu Soo Yeol #K #Bad and Crazy #KDrama

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amethystina · 6 days

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The second (and final) chapter is up! Enjoy! :D

Each Touch (Brings Us One Step Closer)

Fandom/Pairing: The Devil Judge - Gahan

Length: 1 chapter + 1 bonus chapter (~ 26 000 words)

Rating/Warnings: M / Slight Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Themes, Angst, Suicide Ideation, Grief, Pining, Biting, Rough Sex, Barebacking, Dom/sub Undertones, Praise Kink

Additional Tags: Happy Ending, Fluff, Touching, First Kiss

Summary: Ga On has always been known for being impulsive to the point of recklessness. But even he can admit that there are certain lines that should never be crossed, since doing so would be both impolite and disrespectful.

Excessively and inappropriately touching your boss is definitely one of those.

And yet, despite knowing that — despite being well aware of how dangerous it is to keep recklessly touching a man like Kang Yo Han — Ga On finds it difficult to stop. He knows he should, if not out of deference to his superior, then for his own sake. He can feel his self-control crumble a little more with each new touch and, in its stead, rises a confusing, breathtaking yearning he's not sure if he's ready to face — much less knows how to handle.

It feels like it's only a matter of time before his resolve shatters entirely.

GO HERE TO READ

#I honestly managed to edit that sex scene faster than I thought #I mean #It took me days #But I had still assumed it would take me longer #Because I struggle with them so much #But I'm not complaining!#And now I should move on to editing chapter 40 of Who Holds the Devil #I have so many things to edit #A while back I realised I had 50k worth of unedited The Devil Judge fics/chapters #Spread over four different projects #I'm slowly working my way through them #Only two left now!#Who Holds the Devil and a completely unrelated thing I just stumbled into writing #It was supposed to be for the ficlet collection #But not even I can get away with calling something that's 10k a ficlet #So many fics #So little time

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amethystina · 6 days

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If you can’t win, don’t get into fights. If you don’t want to play, don’t play. There’s no need to be rude.

bonus:

#This scene tho #SO GOOD #Just everything about it #The choreography #The music #The TEASING #I love them so much #Boya #Qingming #The Yin-Yang Master #The Yin-Yang Master: Dream of Eternity

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amethystina · 7 days

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You mentioned in your notes at the end of the chapter for 'Each Touch (Brings Us One Step Closer)' about how Yo Han had some reason for wanting some distance between him and Ga On at the end of the show and not wanting to explain your thoughts there and go on the tangent. Can you go into it here then? I love your tangents and explanations.

Also just want to say thank you so much for that chapter, it's incredible! It always amazes me how you can write the characters so accurately. It's definitely something to keep us going after the slow burn of Who Holds the Devil

I feel like I may have accidentally blue-balled some of you with that throwaway comment and I promise that wasn't my intention x'D But sure, I can elaborate :)

So! The thing with the final scene of the drama is that it's clearly shaped by the choices of the scriptwriter and/or the director. As in, certain aspects of it had less to do with the characters and more to do with production. They wanted to give Yo Han and Ga On one final scene together, to give the viewer hope and a nice, proper ending, but their options were... limited, I guess we could say?

And there are a couple of reasons for that. One is that there are still a lot of unspoken things between Yo Han and Ga On. Like lingering hurt from the betrayal, the fact that Yo Han faked his death a second time despite probably knowing how upset that would make Ga On, Ga On's somewhat concerning readiness to die (twice in one day, no less), the whole thing with the fire that they never actually got to discuss etc.

In short, there's a lot they should talk about. But there's no time — the drama is over. So while showing them having a conversation and actually reconciling would be nice, it's just not possible. They'll have to gloss over that bit and just rely on the emotional catharsis of seeing those two idiots stare longingly at each other for a couple of seconds (or surprisingly many seconds, in this case).

Which, to their credit, works really well. I was very satisfied once that scene was over. But it's not like it actually fixes anything, you know? Like, the trauma is still there. Just because Yo Han smiles at Ga On, does that mean he's forgiven the almost-murder?

I've actually gotten questions (bordering on accusations), asking why I ruined that lovely ending scene by making it so that they haven't reconciled at the beginning of Who Holds the Devil. But, like, they didn't reconcile. That scene was lovely, make no mistake, but they didn't actually solve anything. I agree that they showed their deep connection and fondness for each other, but you can have that and also still be mad about that one time your sugar baby tried to stab you in the heart. They're not mutually exclusive.

Since they don't talk, I'm going to have to assume they haven't fully reconciled.

(I don't actually mind that the drama didn't have time to solve this, I want to point out, since that just made me more eager to write Who Holds the Devil and do it for myself. So don't think I'm dissatisfied or anything — quite the opposite. I was amazed by how much we got, in a drama that's supposedly straight. It was so much more than I would ever have dared to hope for.)

The second reason the creators' choices were limited was the fact that, should they actually give Yo Han and Ga On time to talk — or touch — it might just turn out to be too gay. Or, alternatively, they'd have to make it so obviously not gay (to avoid censoring) that it would have ruined all their hard work and subtle build-up. Sometimes, not saying anything is better than saying too much. Sometimes, the easiest way to keep everyone happy is to just leave it as open for interpretation as possible and claim plausible deniability in both directions.

But it can't be denied that outside forces influenced that ending. @a-very-fond-farewell said it very aptly in their comment on Each Touch, by pointing out that had Ga On been a woman, that final scene would have looked very different. It would have been somewhere where Yo Han and Ga On could actually speak to each other, maybe hug, or perhaps go even further depending on the story/dynamic. And I'm in absolute agreement, which is why I wrote the ending to Each Touch the way I did.

That scene is, if you ask me, closer to what should have happened, if they'd been able to follow through on the tone and dynamic they'd set for this drama.

But, again, they couldn't. Partly due to time restrictions and, secondly, due to censoring issues. So we end up with a scene that takes place in a public space, so they can't really talk, can't really touch, but still, somehow, convey their love and longing for each other. Which, all things considered, still left me feeling pretty damn happy.

NOW. Even if we know that the setting for that scene (i.e. in a public place) has more to do with production reasons, there still has to be a reason for it in-universe. As in, to make it make sense in the canon of the story, we have to pretend that the choice was actually made by a character (Yo Han, in this case, since he's the one choosing when to approach Ga On) and not by the scriptwriter and/or director. And this sort of ties back a bit to that long rant I did about intent, because here we have a situation where the intent of the scene is to give closure, but outside factors mean that the presentation and execution of said closure might not actually be in harmony with the characters.

Like, let's make a thought experiment here. Imagine that there were no censoring issues. Imagine that there were no time restrictions. Everything in the drama still happens the way it does, right up until the hearing.

Do you really think that Yo Han, as you know him, would have chosen to approach Ga On in the way he did during that final scene? In a public place, where he can't actually talk to him?

Because I don't.

At least not with the information the drama gives me. Yo Han is a Dramatic Bitch, I know, and he's not always willing to talk about his trauma. But a month has passed. He's had time to think. He's had time to miss Ga On. And then he travels all the way to South Korea, just for that? Just to stare at Ga On? Without talking to him? When Yo Han is known for meeting every obstacle head-on? When he's clearly still very attached to Ga On? And, quite frankly, a very possessive person? Would he truly just leave like that? Without a word?

It just doesn't make sense.

So, as much as I like that ending scene and understand that it had to be the way it is due to various outside factors, it's also pretty out of character for Yo Han (she says boldly, as if she has any claim to say what's reasonable or not for a character she hasn't created).

Now, this still doesn't make the scene bad, but it does put us fans in the hilarious position of having to come up with a reason for why Yo Han might have done what he did, when the act itself kind of feels out of character. We have to find a motivation for something that doesn't actually make all that much sense. What reason could he possibly have had to act that way?

And me being the little shit that I am, will of course take this as an opportunity to come up with whatever batshit theory I please. Since, in the long run, it probably won't make much sense anyway since I'm basing it on actions that, in my opinion, are out of character to begin with.

I think Yo Han was scared.

I think Kang "The Abyss" Yo Han was too scared to talk to Ga On.

Because, as I mentioned in another ask I got about when Yo Han fell in love with Ga On, I think he realised it during that month between the explosion and the hearing. Because he got some distance, some time to calm down, some time to miss Ga On etc. And so I think Yo Han went back to Korea and maybe he actually planned to talk to Ga On (or hadn't decided) but then just... chickened out. Because he now knows he's in love and has no idea how to deal with that fact. Especially since he's still a little hurt over the betrayal and doesn't know what Ga On feels about the whole thing. Is Ga On still mourning Soo Hyun? Is Ga On even interested in men? Or, perhaps worst of all:

What if this month away from Yo Han's influence has made Ga On realise he was being manipulated and gaslit and now he doesn't want anything to do with Yo Han?

So, in short, I think Yo Han simply wasn't ready. He went there too soon, realised what a bad idea it was, but still wanted to at least see Ga On and maybe give them both some kind of closure (and maybe also try to figure out if Ga On hates him now). And hence the meeting being in a public place, so that Yo Han wouldn't have to have a conversation he wasn't ready for, because he wasn't sure how to talk to Ga On with all the lingering trauma and this new knowledge about his own feelings.

It was a choice Yo Han made to protect himself.

A choice he doesn't make in Each Touch because, in that story, he's been given enough proof of Ga On's interest to not have to worry as much. Interest Ga On showed before Soo Hyun died, which means it wasn't just a weird grief response, and so Yo Han doesn't feel as threatened by her. He's confident enough about his own and Ga On's feelings that he's actually willing to meet and talk with him.

And that's my theory! :D

Thank you so much to you both for asking 💜 Though I also feel a need to point out that this is, as always, mere speculation on my part — even more so than usual in this case, for the reasons stated above. And while I am thrilled (and proud) to hear that so many of you think that my opinions are accurate and very close to canon, always remember that it's okay to disagree with me. I don't have all the answers, even if I might make it sound like I do. I'm genuinely just guessing x'D

Anyhow! Thank you again! I'm so happy that you both enjoyed my fic and were curious enough to ask about this. You're both wonderful 💜

#Amethystina Writes #Anonymous #Times two!#... I'm soon going to need a spreadsheet to keep track of all of my rants x'D #And how they connect to each other #It's a spiderweb of meta commentary #Because I can't do things the easy was I guess #In all honesty #I don't think this theory is all that controversial #The hardest part would be to make Yo Han admit to it #Because he doesn't have weaknesses and all that #(except Ga On of course)#(but he technically never admitted to that either)#(it was just shoved in his face)

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amethystina · 7 days

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"The elephant who didn't want to be an elephant. But when you pretend to be something you're not, you end up playing the fool." Every month my discord community has an art challenge, and this month had the theme of “Jester”. So after toying with the idea of “looking foolish” as my own place to start, eventually this lil elephant character came to be. I think we’ve all been in this place at one point or another and serves as a reminder to just be yourself, or in this case, just take up space and be the elephant you were born to be!

#Oh #I love that so much #But also makes me so sad somehow?#My heart #Other People's Art

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amethystina · 8 days

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Hello sorry to bother you if you are already get that question, "who holds the devil "will get an update ? or it's on hiatus ? <3

It's not on hiatus, no. I actually have the first draft for the next chapter written already, I just need to edit it. But I really want to finish posting Each Touch first, simply for the satisfaction of actually finishing something, I guess?

Who Holds the Devil is incredibly dear to me and I have every intention of finishing it, but I can't lie and say that it's not exhausting sometimes. The determination required to keep writing a fic this long — to keep believing that I can see it through to the end — is going to wane from time to time.

And, when it does, it helps to finish something else, since it proves that I actually can. Like, even if Who Holds the Devil is nowhere near done yet, I'm not a complete failure.

So a new chapter is on the way, I just can't say for sure when I'll post it. But it'll most likely be what I focus on after I've finished Each Touch.

So just hang in there a little bit longer :)

#Amethystina Replies #Anonymous #I might be projecting a bit #Sorry about that #Because I genuinely feel guilty for prioritising Each Touch over Who Holds the Devil #Since I know a lot of people probably don't want me to #I've already gotten questions asking why I'm posting other things #And not Who Holds the Devil #Which in no way helps #Like #I'm glad people are enthusiastic about Who Holds the Devil #But it's kind of disheartening when I'm told to ignore other projects because of it #(this is not related to this specific ask)#(so don't feel bad anon)#(it's not your fault)#(I'm just projecting)#Ah well

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amethystina · 8 days

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POTW: FAVORITE OCCULT/CURSE/SHAMAN THEMED DRAMA (as voted by our members and followers)

The Guest (2018) — dir. Kim Hong Seon

#Love it so much #Peak drama #The Guest #Choi Yoon #Father Matthew #Yoon Hwa Pyung #Kang Gil Young #KDrama

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amethystina · 8 days

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I love to see when you post and I get great drama recommendations from you. I recently watched Black Knight and the Ying-Yang Master thanks to your posts and loved them!

I find C-Dramas often give the best dynamics between male characters for BLs because there's so much chemistry and great dynamics even after censorship. It also means that the stories are often better and, for me at least, more interesting, as they often can't just explore the relationship between the characters and instead frame it with the plot. I'm not sure whether you've seen it yet or heard about it, but the new show 'The Spirealm' is great! I wanted to recommend it to you after all the shows you've spoken of. There are so many interesting aspects and details that you can find even after multiple watches that I think you'd enjoy.

I'm so happy to hear that! I'm somewhat famous amongst my friends for pushing recommendations onto them, or at least ranting about the things I've watched in painful detail. My poor wife definitely gets the shortest end of that stick, since she sees me pretty much every day. So she's had to listen to me talk about a lot of dramas and movies she's got absolutely no interest in x'D

She really liked The Yin-Yang Master, though! So it's not all bad. Man, I love that movie so, so much.

While it's terrible that CDramas have to be censored the way they are, I agree that it pushes the creators to explore relationships in a very interesting way. They have to build it into the story in a way that more straightforward BLs can just skip, because they can rely on the physical chemistry to convey the budding relationship.

That said, I admit that CDramas often feel a bit... stilted to me? They're too perfectly choreographed, never a hair or detail out of place, to the point where the characters don't always feel like people to me. Like, they're so obviously characters, not real people, if that makes sense?

That's not to say that I don't enjoy them! Heck, The Untamed is still one of the best dramas I've ever watched, Guardian is one of my favourite dumpster fires, and The Yin-Yang Master movie is one of my go-to's when I need something to completely immerse myself into. But, on the whole, they don't intrigue me the way other dramas or movies might, since they're always so polished. Which means I can't connect with them on the same level as I do with many other pieces of media. I can definitely appreciate the plot, story, characters, aesthetics and so on, but it rarely goes deeper than the surface level. It kind of feels like they're keeping me at arm's length, somehow?

But that's definitely a me problem, since I think it has to do with that thing of mine where I want to analyse every tiny detail. And it's not as fun in CDramas because they make it so obvious that every detail is there for a reason. I mean, it always is in all shows and movies — everything on set is knowingly placed there — but the CDramas don't try to hide it? They even go out of their way to make everything as flawless as possible if they can. And something flawless isn't fun for me to analyse. Like, I can tell that they're putting on a show and that just makes me less interested in trying to find the secrets behind it, I guess?

But, again, that doesn't mean I don't enjoy them! I often do, especially for the aesthetics and the sweeping, dramatic plotlines. But it tends to end up being pretty shallow in my case, since they rarely give me enough to really sink my teeth into. Like, I don't think it's a coincidence that the CDrama I've been the closest to writing fanfics for (Guardian) is also one of the messiest, production wise. I like it when things feel more relaxed and real. Not gritty or anything, just... real.

Anyhow! The Spirealm looks interesting so I'll definitely put it on my list of things to watch! Thank you for the recommendation! :D

And I hope I'll be able to spread even more joy in the future!

#Amethystina Replies #eleganttalecollective-blog #I really hope this doesn't seem like I'm hating on CDramas #I LOVE CDramas #But they're not the ones that I spend hours pondering #Analysing every tiny nuance and detail #I watch them and love them and then move on #And occasionally drop by for a rewatch #But a lot of them are too performative #So I can't really connect with the characters in the way I prefer #It's kind of frustrating to be honest #Because I can't shut it off #My brain just automatically tries to analyse everything all the time #To the point where I can't always enjoy what I'm watching #It's a curse

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