#not stories

[nonconstories]

For No ~ Particular ~ Reason

For further context, both scenarios are in the locker room. Soapy boobs being pressed together is likely. Many aggressive hands rubbing a vulnerable, terrified pussy is a definite. And like, the aggressors are going to be a group of...six, minimum.

Whoever is getting fucked is going to be a virgin. A virgin with freckles. And poor baby has no idea she's a lesbian. You know. Until.

Anyway, stay liberated.

#not stories

[theoretical-tactician]

I hope y’all are ready for nanowrimo. I’ve been putting together a plot/organizing a story to write this year. My evil little angst knife is primed and ready, fuckers.

#i will love the mc so much that i will deny them a happy ending #i write character studies on how to destroy people #not stories

[chongoblog]

Me, after forgetting to cut the top off an onion before dicing it: “Aw dammit”

The Gordon Ramsey that lives in my head: “Don’t worry there, this mistake isn’t going to ruin anything. No need to be too hard on yourself”

Me: “Wow, that’s…not what I was expecting”

Gordon: “Of course, you ought to know by now that I don’t shout at cooks just to do so. I do it because the people in hit television show Kitchen Nightmares are putting their services out into the public and claim to be good enough to have the title of head chef. You’re just some guy in your twenties making beef stroganoff for yourself and your roommate. I’m kind of a dick, yeah, but I’m not gonna scream at you for a minor mistake like this”

Me: “Oh….well…thanks”

Gordon: “You’re welcome…cunt…”

#based on a true story #im cooking more which is super cool

[who-canceled-roger-rabbit]

Some spins on the "mostly male team with a token woman" trope:

The woman is trans and stayed in her old circle of bros even after transition

The woman is the only one in her circle of "girls" who didn't turn out to be a trans man

#of course even in that case i'd still make plenty of other characters female OUTSIDE the main team #there's a they wolf in my closet #gender #transgender #trans #lgbtq+ #queer #story ideas #writing prompts

[newlevant]

Preview of Sam Long’s story, drawn by the amazing Cynthia Yuan Cheng! (@cynthiaycheng, cynthiaycheng.com)

Becoming Who We Are Kickstarter ends Dec 14! Preorder now to help us fund the book!

bit.ly/becomingkickstarter

#becoming who we are #trans stories #trans kids #trans childhood #queer comics #trans comics #comics anthology #comics Kickstarter #Sam long #Cynthia yuan cheng #middle grade graphic novel #middle grade comics

[foldingfittedsheets]

Every sales job I’ve worked has that one item. The white whale. The biggest ticket you can sell. The sale you brag about when you’re chatting with other industry people.

When I sold mattresses it was a split king adjustable base. That’s two twin extra long mattresses next to each other to make a king, but each side can move independently. They’re insanely expensive and honestly kind’ve impractical but it was the biggest ticket thing to sell.

When I sold sex toys though our white whale was the 20lb ass. It was a female pelvis, a cut out from the waist to the tops of the thighs. It was hyper realistic material and cost about $500. I definitely had bigger tickets but not in one item typically.

In my time at the sex shop, I sold three. Each time was completely different in terms of how the guy acted about buying it. The first man was a little embarrassed and shy about it. I was professional and supportive as I rang it up. Once I handed him the receipt he looked at the box. Then he looked at me.

If you’ve ever wondered how big a box has to be to fit a 20lb ass let me just tell you: it’s pretty damn big. It’s an uncomfortably large armful of box and every side has a picture of the sex toy inside on it. It’s not subtle.

“Could I get a bag….?”

There was no bag that existed that could possibly contain all that ass. “Hang on,” I told him.

I got scissors and tape and covered the box in cut up black bags. Looking relieved he picked up his purchase and left.

The next man to buy one carried it proudly to the counter; self assured and not embarrassed in the least. When I said I didn’t have a bag, but I could wrap it for him he gave a hearty shrug and hefted it into his arms, marching out the door with the butt on full display.

The last man to get one was just kind’ve an odd guy. Not creepy, but eccentric. We got along great, and as I rang him up I said, “Well one guy wanted his taped over, and one guy carried it out. What would you prefer?”

“There’s no bags?”

“No store bags. I think our jumbo trash bags in the back might fit it….?” It seemed rude to suggest putting a $500 item into a trash bag, but he wasn’t bothered.

He considered this then said, “Bring me the trash bag.”

When I delivered it to him he still managed to surprise me. Instead of shoving the huge box into it he opened the box. He took out his new $500 sex toy, and all the little things it came with, tipping them unceremoniously into the trash bag.

“There! Now I don’t have to deal with the box later!”

I was slightly stunned but agreed that I could easily deal with the trash. Then in a move I still think about with delight he flung the trash bag over his shoulder like a Santa with a sack full of ass and sauntered out the door.

If this or my other escapades made you laugh you could pop a tip into my Ko-fi! For more like this check my tag "ffs foibles".

#ffs foibles #funny #story #writing #story time #sex shop #retail #funny story

[breakingjustxn]

well i mean, not wrong // credits: @screamingemonight on Instagram

#emo #pop punk #elder emo #emo phase #modern baseball #neck deep #movements #the front bottoms #the wonder years #pop punk memes #the story so far #knuckle puck #midwest emo #midwest emo memes #emo memes #turnover #youth fountain #sincere engineer #blink 182 #green day #my chemical romance #twenty one pilots #fall out boy #panic at the disco #boston manor #joyce manor #tiny moving parts #citizen #counterparts #knocked loose

[charlesoberonn]

#tweet #story time

[liquidstar]

If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)

At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.

Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.

#i think about this story sometimes like yeah I'm proud of them for that too actually. good job baby brothers #they're not babies anymore of course they're turning 20 next year which is crazy #but they're still the type of people who'd do something if they saw something of this sort happen for sure #respectful of women and everyone else too. they're good guys #I'm glad I ended up with them living in my house against my will for like 14 years #anyway i have no idea where i was for all this but my best guess is probably a friends house given the time period #i was always at my besties house lol #i hope she's doing well too actually. haven't spoken in forever... #bestie from greek elementary school... if you're out there... let's get muffins and fanta at the bakery across the street again someday 💜☮️

[smokiedokie]

I opened my copy of The Tale of the Body Thief & immediately had to close it again because of this silly little annotation

#yes I spelled channel wrong #but honestly #totbt is just one long get ready with me YouTube story time #the vampire chronicles

[nonconstories]

OKAY SO HEAR ME OUT

Superhero chick, right? One of her enemies is a clone of her, right? And the clone BEAR WITH ME is a trans guy, yeah? And like they're both bi and like WHAT IF one day if he totally wipes the floor with her and then he just tears off her cute little costume and hate fucks her in the rubble???

AND LIKE, that's his cunt too, he knows exactly what to do to it and like I honestly think I could get like a whole series out of self-hating clonecest arch enemy rape porn, I REALLY THINK I COULD--

#imagine having to tell your superhero team that your evil clone raped you #not stories #i have a whole superhero universe just sitting around tbh #i'm DC trash and autistic #of course i used to write Cape Shit (as Steak Bentley calls it) #anyway!

[mimimar]

the woman who holds the moon

prints available here. my cover for this month's issue of baffling magazine.

#i can finally share this piece! #this cover was based on a short story called “moon bearer” by celia daniels that features on this issue of the magazine #the character designs are mine #also there's a sale on inprnt again so my prints are cheaper than usual! #illustration #artists on tumblr #illo #lesbian #wlw #sapphic #lesbian art #wlw art #sapphic art #queer art #baffling magazine #blue #moon #night sky #queer fantasy

[lexosaurus]

Me: Okay, it's time for bed. Tumblr: Wait don't go. You can hit people for free.

#boop #april fools #tumblr #true story

[ot3]

i dont like the idea that kids these days are doing their fandom rps with ai chatbots. that's how you're supposed to make lifelong friends as a weird really online teen.

#i was never really an rper of any kind it just did not do it for me #im like im sorry actually i cant do this collaboratively i need to be controlling all of the little dolls myself. #however homestuck rp deck epicmafia. now that was another story

[ruegarding]

that scene in tlo where thalia tells percy he can't start feeling sorry for luke bc luke made his choices. and thalia reveals that the reason they couldn't make it to camp in time for all of them to make it to camp was bc luke kept picking fights. and annabeth never saw this as wrong bc luke was her hero. so thalia had to pick up the pieces. and percy thinking both that luke was put in a cruel position and that luke was putting others in a cruel position. and percy is the only character who understood both sides of luke bc annabeth sees only the best of him and thalia sees only the worst. and that's why percy is the prophecy kid and the one who gives luke the knife. bc annabeth had spent the entire series essentially giving luke the knife when he didn't deserve it. and thalia was never going to give luke the knife. but percy is the only one who can see exactly when luke deserves the knife.

#percy had to see luke from an unbiased pov (hestia and prometheus's visions + may) before he begins to finally understand luke #he didn't need to see annabeth's luke or thalia's luke. he needed to see both. he needed to see luke as he is. #anyway pjo is a story abt faith. not faith in religion but in each other #percy jackson #luke castellan #thalia grace #annabeth chase #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo books #percy #luke #thalia #annabeth #min talks pjo

[aholefilledwithtwigs]

I once had a landlord offhandedly mention that his mother had set this house on fire before. He and his wife lived on the first floor, and i rented the third.

Apparently his mom didn’t like his wife. So she set their house on fire. The house i was living in.

He assured me that everything was fine now and that this was years ago, just kinda laughed, smiled, and said ‘You know how moms are’

Yes. I know how moms are. I know how fucked up moms are as well. I have known many fucked up moms and fellow children of fucked up moms.

Attempted murder through arson is not typical mom behavior, even for a fucked up abusive mom

Oh, and his mother lived next door 🙃

#story time with sair #i might follow up with more #that was a wild living situation even for me #family owned #two neighboring houses of six units total #all of them one family/lived there decades #except the one unit rented out to me