#not my joke but ironically the one who made it has moral thoughts about posting it lol

[amajorsystem]

babygirl my brain has moral discourse twitter hasn't even THOUGHT of yet

#moral ocd #actuallyocd #not my joke but ironically the one who made it has moral thoughts about posting it lol #francis.txt

[yvtro]

Very much feels like a lot of people are ignoring Jason’s foundation. Like I think it’s important to pay attention to the later Robin runs for him. Felipe is actually I think an interesting place to start w Jason because it shows a wealthy, connected, powerful man assaulting multiple women, getting away with it, mocking those victims, causing one to kill herself, and there’s nothing Batman or the police or Bruce himself can do about it. That’s what Jason sees and I don’t think the comics touched on it as much as they should but I think it’s pretty clear that a lot of Jason’s motivation comes from seeing that. How do you say “don’t kill, they’ll get there justice from the criminal justice system” when the powerful won’t. And I really don’t see how “don’t deal to children” and controlling the supply is like. Anti-poor people? He has a different stance on crime, esp things like drug crimes, than bruce, who isn’t even from Gotham and is a billionaire CEO who had one shitty day in crime alley that apparently defined his entire existence. If you wanna talk abt shitty characterizations given the background of the characters, it seems crazy to start w Jason and not Bruce, who thinks he knows best and doesn’t do what he can with his resources to fix Gotham.

okay, first of all: i talk about jason and not about bruce because jason is my favourite character. i have plenty of thoughts about bruce re: classism that i could talk about, if asked – but i don't spend much time writing about it, simply because it's not something that gives me a dopamine hit. but if you're curious about my thoughts on bruce – ask me, and i will talk. but since here you're focusing mostly on jason, i will explain my thought process a bit further.

i do think that felipe's storyline is extremely important when it comes to jason's development of his own moral code. but i also think that people forget that what jay focused in this situation was 1. the victim 2.as you said, the fact that the wealthy and connected can get away with their crimes. thus, i think the most reasonable course for jason would to become extremely wary of that power imbalance and the way it corrupts people. but what happens with jason in utrh is not that: jason might say that he is after people who will find their way out of prison easily, but in reality his killing seems completely indiscriminate. his moral code is made into a joke. post utrh there are issues where he kills random goons (the anarky/batcat wedding storyline, for example), blames lower class people for engaging with crime (batman urban legends, if i'm not wrong; "a thief will always be a thief" or something along these lines, said by a man who stole to survive as a kid no less).

i'm not against jason killing per se; if he was a robin hood kind of figure, traveling around and dealing with those in power, if he even became a sort of revolutionary, i would be delighted. but he doesn't become any of these things in his comics. what he does is assuming the power himself and becoming an authoritarian figure. and i think, re: drugs, for example: someone whose mother died of OD should be socially aware enough to know that policing drugs doesn't really help the communities any, right? what helps with drug abuse is healthcare and prevention work, not creating arbitrary laws and targeting dealers at the lowest level of a drug business ladder. "how is controlling the drug supply anti-poor people" well, do you think, realistically, people in the community would have any trust in the person who controls the drug supply?

so, tldr, i think it's specifically the positon of power that i have an issue with. it isolates him from the people, it makes their issues into an abstract that he no longer has ways of relating to. it alienates the victims further. and it strips jason off his sensitivity.

since you mentioned bruce, i will say it creates an ironic situation where there's a 1% character who has more compassion towards petty criminals than a person who comes from that background. jason's answer to bruce's attempt at fixing the system is strikingly similar in some ways because they both conform to regular, uncritical perception of crime, retribution and rehabilitation. they both still work within that system, it's just that jason is more unhinged about it. and i don't know, i think jay should be more aware of the ways society pressures people to commit crimes, but also about how acts that are labeled criminal often aren't even inherently immoral but rather target marginalised groups. but no, the way he's written is just: head empty. crime bad.

i will finish this answer here before i get deep into strain theory, but i hope it makes my stance on it more clear.

#please consider that willis wasnt originally some sort of a villain figure #he went into crime because he had no other choice #and this is also what jay did as a child when he stole to survive #and the newer comics literally make him target the same kind of people #make it make sense #it all boils down to the fact that he assumed the position of power instead of seeking to abolish it #jason todd #jay meta #dc comics

[askdacast]

a bit of a personal ramble here...actually no I’m about to be really cringe as I kind of rant about the anxieties and issues I’ve been going through lately in a super roundabout way

but in the long ago days (by which I mean like 10 years ago) and when I was an even louder Persona fan, I made a Shadow version of my main OC/blatant self-insert Alyss Baraen and it was therapeutic to some extent

(more under the cut)

Shadow Alyss even had a cringe name and design - Gerhild, the Witch of Destiny (very long story), and was kind of a representation of my suppressed anger issues and general teenage angst at being different. One could say, a manifestation of the Id.

You can actually find that name in the really old posts of this blog but...please don’t “orz

All that was kinda based off the issues that a teenaged me knew of herself, but I feel rather ashamed to say, those issues haven’t 100% gone away, they still ebb and flow and take different forms, and I gotta smash them all the same

What I am saying is that I’ve been gnawing on the idea of re-doing the “Shadow Alyss” idea with the updated knowledge of myself now and the more recent anxieties I’ve had to deal with. And the hilarity is that the motif is completely the opposite of what I did as a teenager while somehow still being thematically the same.

Given the witch/Carmen San Diego design motifs the regular Alyss already has from the red and hat, I couldn’t help but also notice how much like a Spanish Inquisitor (insert Monty Python joke here) she looks like, and the moment I thought of that given Alyss being a very religious character, everything just completely fell into place

(Fun fact: Years ago when I was into imagining what kind of Personas my characters would have, Alyss’ was supposed to be Agustina de Aragon, Spanish folk heroine who is drawn with a big hecking cannon. It all comes full circle.)

(Inquisitor from DFO, danbooru link warning)

The Inquisitor would be all of Alyss’ self-depreciation and anxieties that she isn’t good enough at...well, anything. Mostly not being a good enough person or Christian. It’s not like she resents her faith, but she absolutely does feel like she’s been put under a microscope her whole life and she needs to scrutinize her every action as to whether it is moral or not. Chalk it up to her emotional nature and sensitivities that take her every action as reflecting on her moral character. A mistake or a failure to do “the right thing” isn’t just one bad act - it’s a stain on her very identity as someone who professes to follow God. Or a good daughter. Or a good friend. A good person.

Of course, this is a self-inflicted wound in many ways. She hates being criticized, and the expectation to always be ‘good’ or following the standards of what makes a moral religious person causes a lot of guilt in her when she does wrong, or anxiety that she might do wrong. A lot of what I imagined about The Inquisitor isn’t just the religious motif, but the motif of fear and punishment. The Judge and Executioner who instills the fear of God in sinners. A horribly apt symbol, imo, of what anxiety feels like, of that looming darkness that constantly beats down on you. The voice that says “this is ABSOLUTELY a terrible idea” even before you take a step.

Heck for extra factor on the monster of fear part, throw in the white eyes on a completely shadowed face a la Scarecrow from the later Batman TAS episodes

(this is the least disturbing picture I could find of him)

All these fear motifs are, of course, painfully ironic when you consider that not only this image is Alyss’ exaggerated idea of her faith, it’s also 100% contradictory of what her faith truly stands for. What she herself has constantly told others. That God isn’t an angry God who judges sinners, but a gentle one who forgives, and justifies not by adherence to laws, but faith in a greater power. In fact, the power that forgives and lets people not be punished for what they deserve.

And though this is a totally cheesy idea...I would like to imagine if you face the Inquisitor in a dungeon, in like a medieval-style execution grounds, you would see those crumbling old walls with broken carvings that have the words “Condemnation in Christ” on them, and then noticing the walls were broken, you’d eventually find the missing half of the wall which must be attached before the initial wall, with the words, “There is No”

Look, I’ve already spilled my guts out with this “I have a friend”-type post, I can afford to be cringe about something that means a lot to me

Especially since...it’s very obviously been weighing on my mind a lot lately

No matter whether Alyss Baraen thinks herself a “witch” or feels tormented by an “Inquisitor” the root cause is still the same - she fears that she isn’t worthy or that God possibly is angry at her for whatever sin or failure to be human/good she’s committed. And despite her own beliefs, or the love and support of others, being a clear evidence to the contrary, she finds it hard to trust that that love is real.

Many times, it’s terrifying to trust people you love, or to have any hope at all. Because what if you’re disappointed? Worse, what if you’re just plain wrong? You could say to yourself how much good you’ve done or how much people clearly love and care for you, and have it still mean absolutely nothing. Because the evidence for your imperfection, the world’s imperfection, and the hurts you bear feel so much more real than the idea that you might deserve happiness.

And the more you think that way, the more you inevitably project that idea onto a higher power, like God. Because how could it be true that He offers you all things for nothing? Less than nothing - you’re a “terrible person” who deserves to be punished, and yet He isn’t. In fact, He’s saying all’s good, you just need to do better and keep loving and trusting Him, and He’ll do the rest.

Without any obvious proof, except the life you’ve already lived, and the words He’s said.

A tall order to believe in, isn’t it?

Trust is never easy, and in fact, often seems far less logical than just continuing to remain on guard, always.

To believe in there being good and kindness in your future often seems too good to be true. And soon we start to believe it can never be true.

So I’ve spent a long time rejecting any kind of grace or kindness because I’ve convinced myself there’s no way it’s true. The truth, to me, had to be a harsh revelation of my inherent sinfulness and failure to follow God. Those were obvious ‘proofs’ in my life, after all. It could be nothing else. If I received a kind word, I must have been selfishly trying to avert my eyes from the truth, to what I wanted to hear.

But, you know.

That wasn’t the truth at all.

In my heart of hearts, I KNEW it wasn’t.

Well, no one ever said Faith was easy.

#rant #extremely long #the only reason I'm posting this is because I'm presumptuously hoping there aren't many people who would see this or want to read it #and I'm being somewhat vague enough about my situation #also just creatively I thought the new character idea was sick #but i've clearly been stewing on it for a while now for therapeutic purposes #i might make this post private in the future #please don't worry about me by the way #I am not in physical danger #I just have a lot to get off my chest #and a sincere thank you if you've read the post all the way to the end

[theggning]

I'm a little late, but if you're still doing them, opinions/thoughts on Nick Valentine? I'm dying to hear you go into detail about him.

Me, gushing about Nick Valentine? Don't mind if I do~

I've been playing FO4 since launch, and from my very first playthrough, Nick has been my favorite character in the game (and really, one of my all-time favs.) This is hardly an unpopular opinion. Everybody, even people who don't like FO4 as a whole seem to love Nick and he's widely lauded as one of the best characters in the series.

I think one of the things that makes Nick stand out is just how remarkably kind he is. I keep using that word on these posts, but I think it applies to Nick more than basically any other character. Nick is an honorable man with uncommon empathy for others and a sophisticated sense of justice-- but also an impressive sense of mercy (he is one of the only companions who approve of you sparing the deathclaw egg and returning it to its parent.) As long as you don't act like a total dickweed around him, he almost immediately treats you as a friend and not a client, caring about your personal well-being and emotional state (he also never even expects payment from you. We find out this is a thing he does fairly often via idle dialogue with NPCs.) He's not self-righteous, he's not arrogant, he doesn't think he's better than other people, and he's not in it for fame or accolades or money. Nick does the right thing because it's right. He helps people because they need it. In many ways, Nick is one of the most humane characters in the wasteland. Which is of course ironic because he's not human at all.

But it is important to note that Nick is in no way a pushover. He is VERY firm on his moral code and his boundaries, and people who push it, treat him poorly for being a synth, act cruelly, or generally act like shitheads are going to hear it. Nick has an admirable amount of patience (far more than he should) but once you cross his very clear line, he spits straight up nuclear fire. His razor wit is best displayed in his clapbacks at bigoted NPCs in the BoS or Vault 81, and in his sharp retorts to some of the sarcastic lines from the Sole Survivor.

(Some people claim Nick dislikes sarcasm, but it's more like... time and place. Nick enjoys jokes and witty banter and he approves of good-natured ribbing from friends, but if the moment is inappropriate or the remark is downright cruel, he will snap back and you'll goddamn deserve it.)

Nick has been around/conscious for a long time now, so he has the wisdom that comes from many years of existence (plus his pre-War knowledge.) He's very mature and grounded, and seems to generally have his shit together. But that's because Nick's conflicts are largely internal. Nick struggles with the fact that his identity doesn't truly belong to him. His mechanical body was constructed by the Institute, His appearance causes people to fear and mistrust him, and he constantly strives to be seen and treated as a person and not another mindless, evil Institute gen-2. (Made especially difficult by the fact that as far as he knows, he is the sole exception to the rule.)

And Nick's personality isn't really "his" either. His intellect, his morals, his interests, and his manner of speech are all remnants of the "original" Nick Valentine whose brainscans were used to create him. Though Nick does express gratitude to have been created from a man who was by all accounts a good person, he also can't help but be resentful. OG!Nick's memories haunt him, and serve as a constant reminder that Nick isn't his own man. He is burdened with the anger and sorrow and grief and guilt of a man who's been dead for 200 years, and there is no way for him to get rid of them without completely erasing his mind.

Nick states that he once tried to separate "himself" out from the memories of OG!Nick-- likely with the aid of Dr. Amari. He alludes to the process putting him in a coma for a month and very nearly killing him. So at some point in the past, Nick was so desperate to get rid of the memories that he was willing to try something that drastic.

Nowadays, Nick has at least somewhat come to terms with the fractured and confusing nature of his identity, and would no longer take such risks. But it is very important, and Nick explicitly states that he does not want to be an "extension" or a "reincarnation" of OG!Nick Valentine. He wants to be his own individual, his own person, and have things in his life that truly belong only to him. By helping him with his personal quest, the Sole Survivor is able to help him come to a realization that he already has things of his own-- the good he has done, the people he has helped, and the friends he has made.

(And then you take him to Far Harbor and Nick gets his wish granted in a far more literal sense, with the introduction of his "brother" DiMA. For better or for worse. Sorry, Nicky... can't pick your family.)

I previously answered an ask about my thoughts on Nick getting a gen-3 body, which you can read here. TL;DR I don't think he'd go for it for myriad reasons.

But I also think Nick has a certain amount of self-consciousness re: his mechanical body. As salty and strong-willed as Nick is, I also think he is... very vulnerable on this front. Like if you really wanted to scorch-earth destroy any kind of association with him, treating him cruelly or insensitively about his body is the way to do it. Don't make him feel like "less than" or like he's lacking something and ESPECIALLY don't treat him like an object. BE NICE TO MY BOY, I SWEAR TO GOD-

Uh. Anyway, on the topic of romance, here is the most accurate shitpost that has ever been made about Nick Valentine:

I completely understand the folks who view Nick as a father figure. He's an exceptionally good one and absolutely the sort of supportive dadfriend that everybody could use.

But I, on the other hand, am one of the sad synthfucking souls who played FO4 at release, reveling in the flirtation and witty banter, the film noir "oh no I've got feelings for my client that I can't act upon" chemistry, the angst and the "finding something to call my own" only to discover at the end of the line that the bastards at Bethesda made it so Nick Valentine wasn't romanceable.

And YEAH I'M ACTUALLY STILL KINDA BITTER

I said on the Deacon post that I understood why, characterization-wise, Deacon isn't available as a romance. But holy shit! Nick's arc leads him DIRECTLY to the point where it makes PERFECT sense to open up a romance with him! I HONESTLY don't understand this one! It makes total sense! Did they think nobody would want to? It's not because he's a synth! You can kiss two other synths and a ghoul, for fuck's sake, but I can't kiss Nick?!

Ahem.

(There is an extremely well-done mod that allows you to kiss Nick. Yes, I've played it. They barely had to touch his dialogue to make it unsubtly flirtatious. A+ highly recommend.)

In conclusion, Nick is a perfect gentlemen, a stylish synth detective, and not only my favorite character in FO4, but one of my favorite vidya character of all time. I love him dearly, I aspire to be as cool as he is someday, and WHY CAN'T I KISS THE ROBOT, TODD?? HE'S BEEN FLIRTING WITH ME CONSTANTLY SINCE THE MOMENT WE MET AND HE- I COULD BE THE SOMETHING TO CALL HIS OWN, BETHESDA, WHY CAN'T I- BETHESDA YOU'RE KILLING ME WHY

PLEASE

LET ME KISS THE ROBOT

Signed, GG (Self-appointed Chapter Head of Synthfuckers United)

#fallout 4 #fallout meta #nick valentine #synthfuckers united #here it is kids #probably long overdue #WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME BETHESDA #salty about not kissing a robot since 2015 #gg answers

[13eyond13]

i am fascinated by L. like you, i agree that he shows compassion or at the very least tries to be human. his 'please be careful', his 'well, we don't want any one of us to die,' the fact that he has money aside for his coworkers AND their families, the fact that when he disagrees with soichiro on his yotsuba methods he doesn't kick them out, he lets them use freely the headquarters that he built for all of them. my question is... coming in another ask because it's long, lol

Yes, I think he's definitely not wishing harm on anyone helpful involved in this case. And though he maybe keeps an emotional distance from most of the people involved, and sometimes struggles to relate to them or to not get overly bossy and sour with them, I think he really does care about their safety and appreciate their help. I really like those moments where he's a bit gentler and worried and thoughtful toward others like that too, I think it adds some interesting nuance and character depth.

-I think the fact that Light was often outpacing L and managing to get things done under his name while still keeping things pretty morally sound was both impressive and disturbing to L in many ways. I've never been extremely interested in trying to determine "which character is the most intelligent one of all" in this cast, because I feel like intelligence is such a multi-faceted thing that is pretty difficult to measure in an objective kind of way. So I don't often spend much time contemplating which of the two of them is definitely the "smarter" one, I suppose? I think that L and Light were set up to seem pretty equal in terms of their wits and skills, but that L was definitely struggling with his confidence and his energy levels in this arc. He was also at odds with a team that wasn't always happy with his extreme methods or his leadership, and plagued with confusion about Light's entire personality suddenly going through what seemed to be a massive change. Light was definitely hyper-motivated to catch Kira, and to therefore prove himself useful and innocent all at once. He was also younger and more idealistic and optimistic in general, so possibly just had a bit of extra vim and vigour which occasionally gave him a bit of an advantage over L. This was no doubt a pretty stressful and confusing period in L's life as well as Light's.

-I've made a post about L calling Misa a friend already that I'll reblog, but I think that in that scene he was making an ironic throwback reference to his "first ever friend" joke with Light.

Yeah, I think he actually often does his best to be pretty straight-forward with everybody about himself, while simultaneously giving as little as possible about himself away. It's not even "manipulative" of him to do that so much as just cautious and wise most of the time, I would say. And it's not like it's automatically unkind to want to be picky about who you hang out with, or to keep a distinct separation between your personal and professional life with your coworkers. I think that most of the task force still appreciated L for his boldness and his cautionary measures and his investigative talents at the end of the day, though I'm sure he wasn't always super easy to work with or to befriend or understand.

#l lawliet #light yagami #ask #anon #meta #lmeta #mangameta #p

[recurring-polynya]

I have to say I knew that at one point renji, ikkaku, yumichika and iba were in the same squad with kenpachi but good god you managed to paint a beautiful picture for me. I simply assumed that for them it was simply party time all the time along with a few bald jokes but this is much better. Emotionally healthy squad 11 which still love fighting more than anything. I always cringed when someone would just describe them as hooligans that do nothing but fighting. I mean they do that too but I love the idea that they are all emotionally healthy and mature, a loving and supportive family to their own - in their own wakka doodoo kind of way thats endearing - and of course they are in my opinion they single capable force against sexisim. Because they don't care about anything else - gendere, sexuality, gender performances, race, mentality or anything - other than if you fight good you respectable and if you fight good in squad 11 you family. ( like when kenpachi just became captain he made yachiru his lieutenant and no one was against it no one thought it was beneath them, sure thru nag at her sometimes but that's mostly in a banter like way because she call them stupid nicknames but no one hates her for being unrightfully their superior. One day they got a new captain and a new lieutenant that's a child and they just went with it.) I admit their disdain and disrespect to squad 4 is still frowned upon but I do believe some squad 4s can handle their own, it's just that we saw the really peaceful ones. Anyways sorry for ranting. Just wanted to say that yeah, I really like how the past squad 11 with iba and renji in it was a great place in general. I think if they found out some one was being sexist - for whatever reason - they would be there right next to nanao - or iba's mom protesting. Kenpachi and yachiru as well. And that makes me want to be squad 11 ,despite not being much for fighting, so bad.

So, for starters, thanks! I try to have fun whenever I write Squad 11, and I’m glad you enjoy my take on them.

My Squad 11 is just... really not very canon, though. Canon Squad 11 is actually pretty gross and sexist. Yumichika is transphobic, Kenpachi makes homophobic remarks about Yumichika, they bully Squad 4, there’s a filler episode devoted to a guy that Ikkaku bullied for, like 100 years because the guy lost his reiatsu saving Ikkaku’s dumb ass.

When you write fanfic, you occasionally run into these more problematic aspects of the source media, and you can choose to dig in and analyze them, or just... remake them in your own way. Take for example, Gin. If you read fanfic about Gin, there are some people who will peel away the layers of him and his fears and insecurities and still make him be a horrible gremlin, and it’s really stellar writing. Other people prefer to write him in an AU where maybe less bad stuff happened to him, and he’s more mischievous than sociopathic, and this is a less meaty interpretation, but it’s also more fun. Sometimes fanfic is a meal and sometimes it’s candy. It fulfills different needs and different fantasies and all of it is welcome.

Yumichika, who for me is the fulcrum of Squad 11, presents this problem. I really don’t like the way his “appreciation for beauty” plays out in canon. He doesn’t actually appreciate beauty, he just likes telling other people they’re ugly. I don’t think he’s ever pointed out beauty in anyone else aside from himself or his zanpakutou. I remember the first time I watched his fight with Charlotte and it struck me as so off -- why wouldn’t he find her beautiful? I mean, I know it’s a transmysogynistic joke, that’s why, men dressed as women is funny, hurr hurr, but Yumichika is gender nonconforming himself. This was an opportunity to make a cool character point, and Kubo took the cheap laughs road instead. Going back to what I said last paragraph, a skilled writer could, in theory, write about his insecurities and his brittleness and meanness and write a pretty compelling story, but a) Kubo certainly doesn’t, and I have never actually found a Yumichika-centric fanfic of this nature, and b) this doesn’t fit the role I need him to play in my stories. I am rarely really interested in writing about Squad 11 for its own sake. I like to write them as a backdrop for the period of Renji’s afterlife where he hit absolute rock bottom and bounced back up again. We already know the role Ikkaku played in this, except that Ikkaku is a complete moron in terms of mental health, and I really, really felt like this is where Yumichika needed to come in.

I like to massage Yumichika’s character a bit, but I do want to keep the flavor of some of his character flaws-- he’s still shallow and mean and judgy, and I love that for him, but I like to add in a positive side to his appreciation for beauty. Having Yumichika make fun of Izuru’s pores is funny but it’s even funnier if he’s just given Renji a compliment on his hair first. The idea that a Yumichika compliment is attainable makes all his drags the more vicious. Yumichika also judged people by their beauty instead of their moral character, which is humorous to me. He dislikes Byakuya as a person, but is obsessed with his haircare regime. I like to have him treat Rangiku as an equal, beauty-wise, and a person whose opinion he respects based on her aesthetic. Rangiku is actually a pretty savvy and very emotionally intelligent person whom many people write off because she likes to present herself as a lazy airhead, so in an extremely convoluted way, this all works out. I like to think that Yumichika’s ideas of beauty are also caught up in boldness and risk-taking and having one’s outward presentation ring true to their inner self. To me, this is the core of why he loves Ikkaku. To him, Ikkaku’s devotion to doing the most Ikkaku thing at all times, no matter how stupid, is irresistibly sexy. 

Aside: At some point, I decided that the fact that a lot of people in Bleach have colorful marks on their faces and elaborate hairstyle and accessory games implied that make-up in Soul Society is gender neutral. I like to think there is actually more of a divide between the nobility, who like their make-up to follow rules and be classy, and, well, Squad 11, who like to get make-up ideas from Jem and the Holograms. I don’t even wear makeup (I don’t know how and it’s expensive and I am ashamed of myself, we can talk about my own gender presentation later) but I like to write about both my male and female characters wearing make-up. I don’t actually know how my readers feel about it, but it just falls under the “Is that what people want?”/“It’s what we do” philosophy of all my writing.

I think one of the theses of my writing is that middle management is more important to the character of a squad than the person at the top. Captains sort of act as ideals to strive for, but they are generally unapproachable for one reason or another. Yachiru is more like her captain in this respect (which makes sense, since she is, in fact part of her captain). Ikkaku and Yumichika present this dual idea that 1) strength is awesome, fighting and being the best is awesome, and 2) part of strength is presenting yourself to the world in a bold and confrontational way. (The fact that both of them are hiding huge parts of themselves is laughably ironic). Kenpachi and Yachiru are shining examples of Do Whatever You Want and Be So Strong That No One Can Stop You. 

What really makes this work is that you need someone one layer down-- does anyone actually subscribe to this nonsense, and that’s why Iba - Abarai Squad 11 is Best Squad 11. I really, really enjoy the genre of Reddit posts where a total bro will find out that his girlfriend is trans and react by becoming a vehement advocate for trans rights. I love the bodybuilders typing encouragement to each other meme. Our world is flooded with disingenuous messages from concern trolls trying to tell us why being kind and inclusive to one another is bad or that you should reject help because struggle makes you stronger and the idea of a Himbo looking at something like that and saying “that seems dumb" is delightful to me.

I actually feel like there are a lot of awful people with bad ideas in Squad 11, it’s just that Renji and Iba don’t put up with their shit, and over time, that becomes the culture of Squad 11. I think that Squad 11 has incredibly turnover, but the ones who stay are the ones who subscribe to the ideas you mentioned-- fighting is what matters, if you wanna go argue about shit, go join Squad 5. In the IkkaYumi story I wrote, which happens shortly after Zaraki takes over, a ton of people leave. The Bount Arc (which I know a lot of people skipped) features a dude who was extremely pissed off because he had liked the old Kenpachi and thought Zaraki sucked and was so mad about it that he betrayed Soul Society. You might think that this arc would feature Zaraki caring about this in some way shape or form, but he really didn’t. So, I think there are a lot of Soul Reapers that took issue with serving under a little girl as a vice captain, they just aren’t in Squad 11 anymore.

Oh, one last note on Iba’s mom. I am of an age where a number of my friends have mothers who were Second Wave Feminists. The moms in question are a real mixed bag, because they Came From a Different Time, and on one hand, you have to respect what they went through, and on the other hand, they are very difficult to get along with. I liked the idea that Iba has always chafed against his mom and her big personality, and then Renji comes in, and is like, “hey, your mom is strong as hell and she has a lot of ideas that I never thought of but they make sense” and Iba realizes that, even though she’s still a huge pain in his ass, his mom is the person who made him who he is. Moms are complex.

Uhhhh, I have definitely lost the thread of wherever I was going with this post. Thank you for enjoying my Squad 11, which is nothing like canon Squad 11. Hopefully maybe this year, I will actually finish my Squad 11 Self Care story, where Renji stops being a drunk disaster person after Yumichika teaches him how to fill his brows; I got stuck on a part where Rangiku gives Renji a talk on ethical sluttery.

#squad 11 #sometimes i look at Things I Have Wrought and pull a full Talking Heads style 'how did i get here?' #my squad 11 stuff is my absolutely weirdest most bonkers writing #i am glad people seem to like it #just trying to find some meaning in this hot mess #i think i blame The Toast

[escher-room-with-a-view]

williams family headcanons

this will focus largely on my HCs regarding the dynamics between different members of sarah’s family. jeremy is also there.

looooong post under the cut!

for much of her life, especially after her mother left, sarah has felt like she hasn’t had anyone to talk to or anyone who cares about her. because of this, she would often keep her feelings to herself because she didn’t think anyone would understand, and she didn’t want to bother anyone who wouldn’t care anyway. it’s this restraint that used to make her feel like lashing out and hurting people whom she knew didn’t deserve it, particularly members of her family. linda was usually exempt from this anger; sarah feels tremendously guilty for her occasional violent desires and is trying to work on them, but she appears to be clinging to the vain hope that linda might someday change her ways and the two can be at peace. even after her journey, she seems to have difficulty accepting that that “someday” might never come.

whether sarah inherited or learned her temper from linda is up for debate; what is known, though, is that it runs in her mother’s side of the family. when the two argued, it was often because sarah felt that linda was putting too much pressure on her or not understanding her. in the heat of the moment, linda has said things once or twice that one can’t exactly take back. sarah once justified this to herself by thinking that she provoked her mother, but she’s coming to realize that it isn’t what she thinks so much as it is what she believes she’s expected to think. either way, it hurts her deeply. in fact, sarah is so close to linda that the idea that her mother can do (and has done) anything wrong still comes as a shock to her. she’s especially inclined to forgive her mother for having been petty and nasty in the past because of linda’s affectionate (and admittedly sincere) way of trying to make up for it. sarah’s RSD is the type that makes her feel enormous relief whenever she has some sort of closure. she can spend days agonizing over the idea that someone might hate her, but the minute she’s told she’s been forgiven or even that the other person was never angry at all, she can let it go in an instant. (in fact, this is partly why she’s so kind to her friends, especially hoggle. she knows how it feels to think you’ve done something horrible and unforgivable, even if that isn’t the case—and she doesn’t want anyone to feel the same way.)

sarah likes jeremy, who is exceptionally nice to her and genuinely wants her to feel included. he does his best to be a “fun” sort of father figure, but also acknowledges that he can’t replace her own father and doesn’t try to pressure her into accepting him the way irene somewhat did when she moved in. in fact, jeremy treats sarah almost like a friend and is more lenient with her even than her own mother. he’s always standing up for her and buying things for her that he thinks she’ll like. the two also have several inside jokes that they find hilarious. in general, whenever jeremy cares about someone, he’s very keen on making it known so that they never doubt his authenticity; this is partly why linda gravitated toward him, as she felt like he was more compassionate and cooperative toward her than robert was, and they had more in common.

sarah wasn’t pressured into sharing her mother’s interest in theatre; it came naturally. though linda had some influence, most of sarah’s special interests developed largely on their own. however, sarah tends to be saddened by the fact that linda doesn’t seem to care about her interests unrelated to theatre and never really has. when it comes to anything she has no personal connection with, linda seems indifferent and unaffected no matter how excited sarah is. linda wishes she could bring herself to care more, but she simply doesn’t know how and in some cases isn’t even willing to put in the work. there are few subjects on which linda and sarah are able to have in-depth conversations; one of these is the performing arts, so whenever sarah is around linda it makes up the bulk of what she talks about. sarah desperately craves her mother’s approval, still blaming herself for linda’s departure, and often catches herself acting in ways she thinks will earn that approval even when linda isn’t around.

this is compounded by the fact that sarah has no way of knowing whether or not robert and irene are interested in her thoughts at all. if they are, they certainly don’t show it. on most occasions that they do show intrigue, sarah has some difficulty not interpreting it as them judging or interrogating her. in other instances, she’s simply gotten frustrated and given up trying to communicate with them because she doesn’t feel like they understand or listen. irene in particular wishes she was closer with sarah; however, the two have very little in common. irene has difficulty expressing warmth toward others’ children and doesn’t exactly know how to foster a good bond with them, aside from disciplining them and following the rules she’s read about in her parenting/self-help books. her collection of these books is enormous; many are under the impression that, because of it, she fancies herself an expert. irene tends to be a bit literal and persnickety with rules. she would like to foster emotional and mental health in both her son and her stepdaughter, in addition to raising them to be upstanding citizens; however, she doesn’t quite know how to do the former and is kind of learning as she goes along. though she has difficulty expressing it, she’s fiercely protective of sarah and would like to shield her from anything that might hurt her.

linda and robert separated partly because they had very different ideas on how to raise sarah. while they both had relatively equal expectations for her, they wanted her to pursue different fields; robert sought to push her in the direction of something more conventional while linda wanted sarah to pursue her dreams in the arts—so long as they aligned with linda’s dreams, as well. however, this was just the tip of the iceberg. in reality, the arguments that eventually led to their divorce (sarah was 10 at the time) began when each parent felt that the other’s career wasn’t supporting them as much as they would have liked. linda and robert had lost the spark in their relationship over time; they simply didn’t connect with one another. the phrase “you’re not the person i married,” or a variation of it, was said often on both sides. when the environment in the williams household became too stressful to her, and robert grew too obstinate, linda decided that she was leaving; this happened after she met jeremy, who understood her in a way that she felt robert never had. the realization that linda was forming a relationship behind his back was, for robert, the straw that broke the camel’s back. i think that when it comes to the relationship between sarah’s parents, the song “moral of the story” by ashe applies pretty well. like, really well.

linda’s love language is giving and receiving gifts. she sometimes sends presents and letters to keep in touch with sarah; over the years, though, the influx of gifts has declined for reasons sarah doesn’t understand. linda is usually just too busy or too forgetful to bother; it’s often jeremy who sends gifts in her stead and apologizes on her behalf. furthermore, it’s made sarah uncomfortable how linda always seemed to expect something back whenever she gave a gift or did a favor for as long as she can remember. sarah considers herself lucky that linda sometimes finds the time to send her mail without having to be reminded. because linda can’t be there to physically provide sarah with affection, she instead appears to use gifts as substitutes. in fact, she’s almost always used material objects to convey the things she couldn’t figure out how to communicate otherwise.

part of what makes sarah feel so angry is, ironically enough, the feeling that she isn’t allowed to be angry. when she gets upset, she wants to mouth off or yell, throw things or hit someone; because all of those things will get her into trouble, and she has some difficulty handling her emotions, she has no idea what she’s supposed to do to not be upset anymore. all she feels like she can do is wait for it to go away—which is not only something that she rarely manages to do, but also something that makes things far worse in the long run.

overall, sarah has a complicated relationship with her mother. on the one hand, the two are very close with one another. linda loves sarah dearly and is immensely proud of her; in spite of all her flaws, she seems to be coming to the realization that she should try and be a better mother even if it’s from a distance, and that just because sarah isn’t physically with her anymore doesn’t make the two any less related. on the other hand, though, linda has quite a few selfish tendencies she hasn’t matured past; her love for sarah doesn’t stop her from using her as a pawn to stroke her own ego. she also isn’t afraid to lash out at her own daughter for bruising said ego, intentionally or otherwise. the only reason she initially considered doing better was because she didn’t want sarah to stop talking to her entirely, though she’s begun considering the principle of it all. it would be interesting to juxtapose linda’s selfishness with sarah’s at the beginning of the film, with the implication that linda is the way she is today because she never got what she needed in the past and/or made the conscious choice to put herself before other people—but sarah doesn’t have to be the same. in fact, throughout her arc it’s proven that she won’t be the same—not only because her journey provides her with courage and her friends provide her with support she may not have and otherwise, but because she chose actively to be a kinder person out of compassion and not because she feared repercussions.

sarah’s insistence that linda has never done anything wrong ever is almost certainly denial. logically, sarah knows that some of linda’s actions have been wrong; that doesn’t stop her, however, from scrambling for a million different ways to justify it. part of this can also be attributed to what sarah feels is an unspoken rule that forbids her from being angry, especially toward the people whom she loves and who love her most; she wants to say that linda has hurt her on several occasions, but doesn’t know how to communicate it and is afraid of setting off some sort of nightmarish consequence. as such, she settles for trying to rationalize it when no amount of explanation can make it okay.

linda is also fiercely protective of sarah and doesn’t want her falling in with the wrong crowd by any means. it does sadden her that sarah doesn’t have many friends (at least to her knowledge), and she’s always encouraging sarah to put herself out there; however, a small, wicked part of linda has wondered if it would be better if she just had sarah all to herself.

sarah has felt ever since the divorce that, to her father, she’s more of an inconvenience he has to “deal with” than his actual daughter. of course, robert doesn’t see her that way; but he doesn’t know how to communicate with her or connect with her, as much as he’d like to, which results in a wall between them. despite this, she does know that he loves her and is doing her best. as bad as it makes her feel, she explains it to herself by saying that she sometimes wishes his best was better.

i personally interpret sarah putting away linda’s pictures at the end of the film as her realizing that there’s someone else who has no power over her: her mother. granted, sarah doesn’t destroy the pictures because she still loves linda and hopes she gets better as a person. but the fact that she puts them somewhere safe can be thought of as symbolizing how she isn’t going to let linda manipulate her anymore and it isn’t her responsibility to help her get better—let alone be her personal echo chamber. sarah has decided, in my opinion, to keep a reasonable distance from linda (to the extent where “i can talk to you, but you can’t hurt me”) until she can be certain that linda has changed. in particular, sarah feels safest interacting with her mother when jeremy is present, as jeremy isn’t afraid to come to her defense and has made linda reconsider her behavior on several occasions. i also think it could be interesting to contrast maria’s fierce and unconditional love and linda’s genuine, but often self-serving and distanced love toward her own child.

sarah remembers her family being happy before things went downhill and still finds it difficult to grasp the fact that it wasn’t her fault in some way. when her family tells her that, she doesn’t think they’re telling the truth. when her classmates tell her it wasn’t her fault, she feels like they just don’t understand.

robert feels like he didn’t pay enough attention to linda’s needs back when the two were married, and he thinks that’s most likely the reason she left. to make up for what he perceives as his neglect of his ex-wife, he does his best to make irene feel like a queen.

i think of sarah and toby when i listen to “evelyn evelyn.” i’m not sure exactly why, but it would make a good comic or animation someday.

i also made picrews!

post-canon!sarah - in this one, she’s about 16. i always loved the idea of her just deciding to cut her own hair one day and her parents being shocked about it. shorter hair is also especially conducive to speedrunning the labyrinth every other week

link: https://picrew.me/image_maker/1272810

adult!sarah - my headcanon is that she was a stage actress for a while and later went on to have a film role, but eventually decided that the life of an actress wasn’t for her and settled down to become a college drama professor. once she cut her hair as a teenager, she never went back. her family was frustrated by it until she got older and they mellowed out about it because they realized there was really nothing they could do

links (in order): https://picrew.me/image_maker/457566 and https://picrew.me/image_maker/696219

adult!toby - i don’t know why, but i feel like he’d be really into alt fashion. like i think sarah would introduce him to her punk and hair metal vinyls one day and he’d just latch onto those and never let go. i also think that he didn’t leave the labyrinth unchanged, and sarah does her best to help him readjust and cope with it all; i’m tempted to also headcanon him as ND, so it’s possible that she’d be able to relate to him a lot in the future and that would make things easier for him

link: https://picrew.me/image_maker/696219

sarah and toby! i think they’d get along really well as toby was growing up, with sarah telling him these wonderful stories and playing fantastical games with him and whatnot. she’d have some of influence on his taste in music and books, too, i think, as explained above. but because of the whole “evelyn evelyn” thing i’m considering incorporating some degree of angst into their relationship when they’re adults. i do have an idea, but i’m not quite ready to spoil it yet! i’ll wait until i manage to draw At Least One Thing for it!

link: https://picrew.me/image_maker/399481

#labyrinth #labyrinth headcanon #sarah williams #toby williams #robert williams #irene williams #linda williams #picrew #long post #angst headcanon

[laufire]

Supernatural s2

I’m halfway through s3 already (technically a rewatch, but there were episodes I didn’t watch the first time around), so this post is a little overdue lol. At this rhythim the posts will overlap. Plus I’m hoping I can finish s4-5 during the holidays to see the ~intended ending~ before I have to slow down on the binge-watch. After that, a season a month sounds achievable AND won’t take longer than 2021 xD

ANYWAY.

-Overall, I’ve enjoyed it more than the first one, but at the same time I’ve found myself missing how... claustrophobic? Insular? Compact? That one was. s2 was about the world opening up just a little bit more, introducing new characters to the brothers’ life, etc. I do love the detail that this is something that can only have, narratively speaking, once John is dead. Again: this show gets abusive families, consciously or not.

-The foreshadowing is beautifully done. 15 seasons make for a lot of unintentional and ironic foreshadowing later on, I’m sure, but the purposeful foreshadowing is superb this season. About the crossroads deals, of course, but especially about John’s last words. I already knew he’d told Dean he might have to kill Sam (father of the year, seriously. Though I side-eye the fandom even more for always having acted as if this is only awful for Dean lol), so I was hyperaware of every single detail. My favourite moment was the absolute horror of hearing Gordon proudly, cheerfully relate how he murdered his sister when she became a vampire (which, btw, as someone that’s still bitter about what went down with the Gunn siblings on Angel, I found it healing to see something like that treated as a horror story).

-Speaking of Gordon: I unashamedly love his character lmfao. Sterling K. Brown is mesmerizing, always. At the same time, I have serious mixed feelings (especially after seeing his arc in full in s3) because man, if it isn’t a racist mess. I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s not exactly revolutionary that the first time we see the story from the monster’s POV (something I want the show to do! Often!), it’s when white monsters are stalked and brutalized by our first black hunter. Especifically a white woman, btw (although I’m happy to see Tara Maclay as a brunette vampire. I didn’t know I needed that in my life, but I did). And you can tell that the show thinks it’s just so SMART and FUNNY to have a ~racist black hunter!! I mean, the comment about how psychic kids would be “betraying their race” if they allied with demons?? FFS.

And ofc there’s the fact that he’s condemned for the exact same type of stuff that makes Dean be hailed as a hero lmfao. Though I won’t like, I love the moment where, faced with the comparison, Dean’s response is “I might be like you, I might not. But you’re the one tied up.” I love those kinds of character moments. As of s2 I officially have a love-hate relationship with Dean Winchester, I hate it here xDD

But still, on his own, Gordon is an amazing character (it’s one of the most frustrating things about the show, the greatness tainted by the bigotry :))). Charismatic, terrifying, and ofc superbly acted. Also, I love that the fact that he praised John (as opposed to every other hunter having a rockier relationship with him) is clearly supposed to be a red flag LMFAO.

-I enjoy how the seasons delves more deeply into Sam’s ~~dark origins, since it was my fave thing about him way back when. I’m already mourning the (as I suspect) lost of his powers, ngl. There’s a little more attention in how he tends to over-identify with supernatural creatures struggling with their ~dark sides too (bitch me too, the fuck xD), which I LOVE to see (among other reasons because at least in that way we get a little of their POV in the forefront lol). One of my favourites in that sense was the episode centered around the ghost-who-didn’t-know-she-was-ghost, played by Tricia Helfer. I clocked early one what was going on, but it was still very enjoyable, especially with Sam’s empathy with her (contrasted by Dean being a total bitch about it, btw. I can’t believe I still see post about how Dean is all heart/kindness/compassion/whatever the fuck. Dean is all about selective empathy and only when it conveniences him, pls).

I was more divided on the episode with Madison the werewolf, tbh. OTOH it put Sam in a better position, for a change xD. As the one willing to make The Hard Choices by fulfilling his promise to kill her because she was dangerous, even when Dean offered to ~take the burden from him. OTOH I hate that kind of thing lol. YOU GUYS KNOW A HUNTER PRO LIKE BOBBY, I BET HE COULD’VE FIGURED OUT SOMETHING TO CONTAIN HER A FEW NIGHTS A MONTH. Also, my immediate reaction was to compare this to when my man Angel had a crush on a werelady and helped her every month lmfao. But then, very few characters can withstand a comparison with Angel, in any sense :P

I also liked Sam’s subplot with his fellow demon-psychic kids, though I wish it’d lasted longer :/ (also: RME at the queer girl dying almost immediately AND her power being killing people, her girlfriend first of all, with her touch. The black guy was the last one to die at least...?). My fave was Ava, by far. I loved her since her reaction to helping Sam stealing a psychiatrist’s records was yelling “I’M AWESOME!!”. It made it easy to buy that someone that appeared so mundane, with her easy life and her fiance and whatnot, would become so power hungry and go off the rails, IMO.

BTW: RME at Dean being all “oh Sam is going too dark/becoming to cold” when Sam kills Jake. Jake ripped off his spine and killed him first!! It both amuses me and infuriates me all the times Dean tries to push Sam to be more like himself and then freaks out whenever Sam is not all sunshine and rainbows (while still remaining, IMO, far less cold than Dean himself. Besides, it’s not easy to be colder than Dean, lol).

Lastly, a little character detail I loved was when Sam was jealous about Dean being in the federal database but not himself lmfao. 

-I loved the new foreshadowing crumb with Sam finding out Mary knew the demon, too (information he’ll withhold from Dean, which I approve of LOL). I mean, I know exactly what’s up, I’ve watched most of s4 xD (also, what is UP with this family and making deals with demons. Everyone but Sam so far!! And then HE gets dragged for ~getting too close to one smh. Maybe lead by example!! Also also: yes, it was meant to be ambiguous, but I can’t help but notice the only kiss-pact -or further, depending to how close YED was to Lilith’s levels, since to make a deal with her you have to fuck xD- we didn’t see was the one that must’ve happened between John and YED. Cowards!! xD). Still. I’m so curious about her. Her resurrection is one of the main reasons I’m determined to make it to the later seasons, ngl.

-Another thing I LOVED about this season is how they used sibling relationships to parallel/foreshadow stuff about the brothers, the way s1 did often with fathers. I’ve already mentioned Gordon and his sister, but the others are not less brutal imo: Andy having to kill his evil twin, who wanted him all for himself (... Dean is that you xD); the little girl’s ghost who wanted her grand-niece to commit suicide to stay with her, and didn’t give in until her old sister agreed to die in her place. It was chilling. Also, at one point the parallel was between the brothers and a married couple (the ghost-who-didn’t-know-she-was-a-ghost) and asñdlfkajsf. I’m guessing they had fun with the shippers lol.

Speaking of the brothers’ relationship, this season also goes a little further in escalating the violence between them, when Dean punches Sam in the face and he refuses to respond (“you can hit me all you want, it won’t change anything”. Fuck), or when Dean again punches Sam after Sam was possessed by Meg ¬¬

-Going back to my love-hate relationship with Dean, lmfao. My biggest beef remains how much validation his POV gets from the narrative, granted or not; he’s one of the most irritating cases of protagonist-centered morality and I know it’s only going to get worse smh. At least this season it feels a little more balanced than in s1, with episodes like the one where the civilian Sam had tried to keep away dies halfway through the ep because Dean allowed him to get involved, for example. Still, it grates on me xD. The continuing prison rape jokes/demonic possession rape jokes (with Meg and Sam), his general grossness with women and his lack of sympathy for non-humans even when they’re not trying to hurt anyone don’t exactly help. Also, I often see him praised for some of his political views, a lot of which I agree with (his mistrust of cops, saying convicts don’t deserve to die no matter what they do), but when contrasted with his general attitude across the show it’s really grating ngl.

But then he has such AMAZING character details thrown in, that make me appreciate him as a POV character nonetheless, as much as I often want to curb stomp the guy xD. I loved his speech about how there’s no such thing as a dignified death. I love how he refused to come near his mother’s grave, both at the beginning and at the end of the episode (this show is like, the cure to DCCW’s shows false fuzzy sentimentality istg). I love his pop-culture references, like when Sam mentions Dean always thought OJ was the murderer or Dean jokes about freeing Katie Holmes from Scientology’s cult xD (sometimes it really hits you how old this show is lol). I enjoyed his Wishverse episode, and his lines after Sam dies/he sells his soul to save him (“I had one job”, “my life can mean something”) hit HARD.

But most of all? I LOVE how and why he starts losing respect for John. It’s so fucking cold and abrupt and makes so much sense!! Like, yes, part of it is John’s message about killing Sam (... again, father of the year!), but most of all it’s about John making a pact with a demon and dying TO SAVE DEAN (and probably, simply that he died at all. That shit de-mystifies anyone). IT’S SO FUCKING GREAT TO WATCH. “He spent his life chasing that demon. He was supposed to die fighting, not making a deal with the damn thing. That was supposed to be his legacy, not this." Damn, Dean xDD. The *contempt* with which he said that killed me.

I also love his inherently atheist vision of the world (even if yes, it’s extremely funny knowing this show has canon God and angels and shit -no Jesus Christ though, which I find endlessly funny-, or that they actually meet the archangel Gabriel in disguise xD. Either way, the episode with the fake angel and its foreshadowing was hilarious), his anti-destiny stance, and that it’s him and not John who gets to kill YED.

-I liked Ellen and Jo. Not LOVED, but I liked them. I keep fearing that secondary (especially female) characters will feel empty/shallow but the show keeps proving me wrong, even with one-episode wonders, and at first I wasn’t sure about them, but I was sold quickly. Partially because of the actresses, they both had this... humanizing, endearing quality? It worked really well.  I also loved the explicit contrast between John and Ellen’s parenting styles, with Ellen wanting Jo to return to school and be safe from the hunt, and Jo wanting something different. Also, I wouldn’t ship it if you paid me, but LOL at anyone who actually buys Dean sees Jo as a ~little sister just because MEG said that rme.

This show is just REALLY good when it comes to giving depth to a character with only a couple of brush strokes, which makes it all the more frustrating when they abruptly die or disappear to never be seen again/only once more (to abruptly die!) :)))

I was less sold on Ash; he was amusing, but having a Genius Hacker TM helping them out seemed like the beginning of increasingly giving the brothers ways of deux ex machina-ing them out of problems, when one of my favourite things about the show is seeing them creatively find ways out themselves. I like when they’re competent! Like with the multitude of codes they have to improvise plans, like in the episode where with two words through a lawyer they implemented a quick scheme so that Sam would escape from a police precinct. I like that stuff.

-I’m still so bitterly jealous about the dead man’s blood hurting vampires detail. SO BITTERLY JEALOUS. I love a lot of what this show does with its lore but that little bit is the worst offender. I want it so bad xD

#talking to the void #my thoughts #spn thoughts #supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #gordon walker #ellen harvelle #jo harvelle #spn s2 #the winchesters get to have a tag I GUESS

[chaoticspacefam]

OC Music Meme

I was tagged by @raven-of-domain-kwaad​ , thank you! :D I shall tag (no pressure as always, only if you want to!): @mercurypilgrim​ , @mimabeann, @rainofaugustsith​ , @thelastenvoyyy​ , @a-master-procrastinator and anyone else who wants to do this one, yes, I promise I mean you!

Yaaay another music meme, I LOVE these, as any of my long-term followers/mutuals probably know :P Oh no, Raven what have you done! 🤣🤣

        List one or more songs that relate to the following

*drags Rai and her three consecutive playlists full of songs in here and plops her down proudly* Now I’m not joking when I say combined her three playlists would run for ~10 hrs if I played them all back-to-back. Sooooo for that reason I will be trying to restrict myself to 3-4 songs per “question”, except for the last one which is annotated with an explanation there, ANYWAYS!

reminds you of them most:

Down To The Bottom - Dorothy :: This is a very new one to her playlist (discovered a few days ago), but it still vibes so well with Saarai’s attitude to love, and her need to have some sort of emotional closeness to other people, to love and be loved, or else she just doesn’t function quite right

Up The Wolves - The Mountain Goats :: This was one of Rai’s first EVER theme songs that made it onto her list as I gave the Ahaszaai the backstory that led to them becoming main characters, so it feels only right that I include it here. To me it perfectly sums up her character progression, from a frightened young woman with a lot of skeletons in her closet and no willingness to be a commander of anything or confidence that she could, to a strong and dedicated leader willing to do whatever it takes to protect the people she works with, and make sure that the person who once took it from her family will suffer the righteous justice he deserves for his actions. Oddly enough, Saarai never goes back to take over the Sith Empire as D’leah planned (in Subterfugeverse anyways), they do eventually “come home” and build something of their own with the other members of the Alliance <3 

Bruno Is Orange - Hop Along :: This song is very important too. It makes me feel a lot of things and as I developed more of Saarai’s backstory and began tying everything together, it became an essential part of her backstory. This is 100% a “Saarai Song” in my brain (and I’ve had the script for that meme planned out for over a year, I’ll get to it soon :3), summing up the chaos and her own feelings on what happened with Tsâhis (and her mother and sister’s reactions to finding out about what happened, and Ty, the baby which resulted from that clusterfuck of a relationship)

Someone New - Hozier :: Kinda supplements “Down To The Bottom”, Saarai was a character who puzzled me sexuality-wise for a long time, she has a lot to unpack and a lot of nuances in her attractions, and for a long time (because it is the default for modern media) I tried to shove her in the monogamy box, except...that doesn’t work for Saarai LMAO. I remembered this song existed one day (I think it came up on Youtube shuffle or something) and it was the lightbulb that went on in my head that finally clicked and told me she was actually polyam as well (though ironically I forgot to actually put it in her playlist until @darth-bagel reminded me it existed again a few months ago LOL).

reminds another character of them:

All The Pretty Girls - KALEO :: (Sash - Zephyrverse AU) This one had a few options too, but I think this is the best song that Sash would associate with Saarai. Their relationship was slow burn, although there was near-immediate attraction there, Sash struggled with self-doubt and her own insecurities for a long time, firmly believing that Saarai would get bored of waiting for her to be “ready” to take things further and explore other options (she didn’t. They’ve been married something like 20+, nearing 30 years now, you’re stuck with her sweetie <3)

The Last of the Real Ones - Fall Out Boy :: (Lana - Subterfugeverse) “I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you, but not as much as I do.”  Lana wasn’t looking for Saarai when she found her, but Lana wouldn’t have it any other way. Though Lana is a big pillar of support for Saarai, and Saarai in turn is the social “glue” that holds the Alliance together, what many people don’t realise is that the feeling is mutual and Lana relies upon her just as much. Saarai’s dependable, and trustworthy, even if sometimes she makes Lana want to roll her eyes into the ceiling because of her antics, she wouldn’t want to change her for anything, it’s that part of Saarai that she secretly loves the most because it reminds Lana that it’s okay to unwind and have fun or be silly every once in a while, especially with the people you love.

Shut Up And Dance - WALK THE MOON :: (Koth - Subterfugeverse) Koth’s relationship with Saarai took a lot longer to develop into something openly romantic because Saarai had a lot of stuff to work through before she could accept her own feelings for him, but the cantina party at the end of KOTFE was the moment that Koth realised she was comfortable with him, because it’s the first time she really opened up to him, the first time she asked him to do anything together, and the first time she didn’t flinch or jump away from him when he touched her.

reminds you of a relationship of theirs, doesn’t have to be romantic, can be paternal, friendly etc.: I’m taking that as an invitiation to do a song for each of the main ones of any kind and that means this one has like six songs because...Saarai has a lot of influencial relationships in her character arc, I’m sorry (but not really) :’)

Broken Crown - Mumford & Sons :: Saarai & D’leah (Familial, It’s Complicated). This one is probably gonna be the “controversial” song of this post but you know what I’m gonna do it anyway. Saarai and D’leah have a very complicated relationship, because on the one hand Saarai does love her mother very much in spite of the horrible things she said and did, and on the other...the last thing that she wants is to turn out like her. And sometimes, sometimes you gotta call your mom out on her toxic shit. Hey Brother - Aviici :: Saarai & Ni’kasi (Familial Love). “What if I lose it all? Oh sister, I will help you out. Oh, if the sky comes falling down, for you...there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do.” The “brother” part does not apply to the twins, gender-wise, but the essence of this song is undoubtedly Saarai & Ni’kasi’s relationship. When Saarai thought she had no-one else, Ni’kasi was there to pick up the pieces and get her back onto her feet. They’re ride or die till the very end, wherever Saarai leads, she knows Ni’kasi will follow her.

Son of A Gun - Lord Huron :: Saarai & Tsâhis (Romantic ”Love”, though I’mma be very clear here that he was a manipulative abusive asshole, but Saarai loved him so...quotation marks. Y’get it yeah? Good.) “Well she fell in love with that son of a gun, but he was not the man that she took him for.”  This line in particular sums it up. Saarai was young, naive and a perfect target for someone like Tsâhis to take advantage of because she didn’t know any better and believed him when he said he “loved her”, only for him to pull the rug out from under her feet later on. (he got his tho, don’t worry 😈)

Youth - Glass Animals :: Saarai & Tyûk (Maternal Love). This is the closest I can find to a song that sums up their relationship, I have a lot of thoughts about it but there are very few songs (that I’ve found) that touch upon the essence of Saarai & Ty’s relationship. D’leah chose to blame Ty for his father’s actions, Saarai chose the opposite. She chose to love him in spite of what his father had done to her, and to make sure he grew up feeling safe, loved, and learnt to be better than that.

Curses - The Crane Wives :: Saarai/Sash (Romantic Love) Both Saarai and Sash have had difficult pasts, with a lot of emotional trauma, and they both had hurdles they had to overcome in order for their relationship to truly work and stay healthy. But with each others’ support, they’ve managed it and are all the closer for it. If you asked either of them where “home” was, they’d say the other’s name.

Sorry I Stole Your Girlfriend - Stereo Skyline :: Saarai/Lana/Koth (Romantic Love). Okay, I really really wanted to pick a more serious song from their playlist for them, BUT....this song is the song that started this ship in my brain so here we are. LMAO  Originally, this popped into my brain as an idea of  Saarai’s response to Koth’s attempt at getting between them in that scene of KOTFE on the Gravestone. Koth and Saarai’s moral compasses are very similar and I wanted them to sit down and have a proper, healthy discussion about their feelings instead of becoming enemies and sort of agreeing not to hold a grudge against each other, though I didn’t expect for that piece to get away from me and for Saarai to end up developing feelings for Koth too, I can’t say I’m unhappy with it. I love them and I will fight anyone who tells me I can’t make them an OT3, I can, I will, and I have. >:) (Healthy Polyam Good, Love Triangles Are Fucking Stupid (tm). No I am not taking criticism on this lmao) Though Saarai & Koth’s relationship isn’t sexual in any way, they love each other just as much as they love Lana, just express it differently. So even though the snideness of this song doesn’t really apply to them, I kept it in their playlist and it also became their ship name because it was too good to pass up, though “Stole” is in inverted commas as it’s definitely more of an inside joke between the three of them than actually seriously accusing them of stealing each others’ girlfriend. 🤣 (as always, Saarai & Koth thinks it’s hilarious, Lana rolls her eyes at the stupid pun but also secretly thinks it’s funny as hell)

#swtor #star wars: the old republic #swtor OCs #tagged meme #OC music meme #swtor oc: saarai ahaszaai #sith pureblood #the outlander #LS! eternal empress #subterfugeverse #ot3: sorry i ''stole'' your girlfriend #saarai/lana/koth #saarai x tsâhis #zephyrverse au #saarai/sash #the ahaszaai twins #the sith twins #yes i have written down a lot of stuff regarding the ot3's relationship and how it developed etc #one day i will throw them out into the world when i feel like they're ready #but they're not ready yet so sorry y'all you gotta wait #but trust me when i say this is very elaborately planned out #LMAO #[banging pots and pans] they're. poly. and. in. love. fucking. deal. with. it. or. leave #my ships my rules #complicated mother daughter relationships are complicated #projection? i don't know her #no sir #tw: manipulation #tw: abusive relationship

[rpd-rookie]

Under Her Extra-Large Umbrella - Chris Redfield x Reader (PART 1)

Summary: Chris Redfield has always been an honourable man but the things he's seen at Spencer Mansion leave him no choice. He must infiltrate Umbrella's French laboratory, whatever it takes, even if it means manipulating you. But how far he is ready to go?

Author’s Note: This fanfic involves a Post RE1 / Pre-Code Veronica version of Chris Redfield since it focuses on his trip to Europe that is mentioned in RE2. You will probably notice that I used the letter Chris wrote to his S.T.A.R.S. friends. It is actually what inspired this fan fiction in the first place. Gotta be honest with you, this fanfic made me shed blood, sweat and tears. I guess I rewrote it twice before coming to a rather satisfying version and I must have tear my hair out quite a few times when I was struggling with grammar. (BTW, tell me if you see some terrible grammatical mistakes so that I can correct them) Anyway, as usual, I hope you will like it. Please don’t forget to like/reblog and tell me what you think of it in the comment section.

Tags: Romance, Fluff, SMUT, Explicit Language, Manipulation and Treachery. Angst is come ;-)  

Also available on AO3

“Better failing with honour than winning by cheating, son”.           Chris could perfectly remember his father telling him those words. It was in 1990. Chris was a seventeen years old teenager finishing his Junior year, and they were driving back home from driving school right after learning he had failed his theory test contrary to that asshole Colin Monroe who had aced it thanks to a crib cheat hidden in his sock.       He could also remember that his father’s wisdom had barely consoled him on that day - despite what he had let him believe - and that it had taken him quite some time to swallow the bitter pill and even more time to admit that his father was indeed right and that he should live by this motto. Months actually. Plus a tombstone with his parents’ names on it.       Chris never regretted listening to his father. He never regretted promising him that he would do his best to become the man he would have wished him to be. That promise had made him the man he was today. A man who would never stray from the right path however tempting treachery could be. Someone loyal, upright and honourable. Someone his parents would be proud of.

And yet here he was, eight years later, a twenty-five years old cop, breaking the promise he had made his father and doing something so deceitful and selfish it would certainly make him roll over in his grave or wish he were still here to give his son a earful.     But today, it was not something as silly as his driving licence that was at stake. It was the justice he owned to his fellow S.T.A.R.S. members, those he had lost at Spencer Mansion and those waiting for him in Raccoon City. It was the security of god knows how many people. This time, Chris had a burden on his shoulders that was way too heavy for him to accept a possible failure. And as terrible as it sounded, he was ready to do something bad for the greater good, whatever the cost, whatever his dead father may think of him from beyond the grave.

                      “To my bestest S.T.A.R.S. buds,

           How are you all doing in that drab, old station? Hanging in there against old Irons? Me? I just got back from a date with a hot chick. Bet you can guess what we got up to under her extra-large umbrella.            Europe is amazing. One month is in no way enough to even scratch the surface. Maybe I’ll extend my vacation for another six months.                Barry, don’t even think of coming join me. Wouldn’t want to make all the cute girls cry, yeah? So you just leave the babes to me.              Jill, if Claire tries to contact you, please let her know I’m OK.”

Chris put down the pen on his nightstand and took a look at his letter one more time with a proud amused smile. He knew that his friends, contrary to Irons, would get the hidden message behind that lame womanizer persona that was so unlike him. And hopefully, maybe the police chief would tell his friends at Umbrella his S.T.A.R.S. poster boy was nothing to worry about and just currently cruising for pussies in Europe.  

“Writing to your friends again?” Chris looked up to see you standing in the doorway to his bedroom. You looked very tired, exhausted even, judging by the dark circles under your beautiful eyes, your loosened bun and the way you were leaning against the framework. “Yeah, to give them a small update on my vacation.” Chris folded the letter and put it in the drawer of his nightstand; not very keen on letting you read it. “Tough day?” “You have no idea.” You dropped your bag at the entrance of Chris’ room and went to fall down on his bed, your head on his crossed legs. “Wanna talk about it?” Chris asked as he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. “You know I can’t say much. Professional confidentiality and all. ”         “I didn’t know working for Umbrella was like working for the CIA.” Chris joked, trying to tone down the disgust he was feeling each time he had to pronounce the word Umbrella. You smiled, too tired to laugh and glanced at Chris who was staring at you.            

God, why did you have to be so beautiful and so sweet and yet so not good for him? Why did you have to work for Umbrella? And how did he allow things to be that way between the two of you?

Chris could remember the day he had first seen you, the day he had chosen not be moral and honourable for once in his life.       It was almost a month ago. He had been in Paris for a couple days, trying to find a way to infiltrate Umbrella’s French laboratory, which was even more impenetrable than Zone 51, the lab being a real fortress (with automatic secured doors, CCTVs, guards and a severe ‘no visitor allowed’ policy) only accessible if you were the lucky owner of a white and red badge. And you had happened to be one.       Leaving the lab for lunch break, happy to finally feel the warm sun on your face, it hadn’t been your beautiful [h/c] hair loosely tied back in a high ponytail or your twinkly [e/c] eyes that had caught Chris’ attention (even though yeah he had noticed). No it had been that badge, that stupid badge carelessly hanging from the front pocket of your lab coat. And it had also been that badge that, unfortunately for you, had made him organise a plan to trick you and get his hands on it, that badge that had made you the victim of his very first treachery.  

Your meeting was – unbeknownst to you – the most unnatural meeting ever. Chris had calculated everything. When? Lunch break. Where? The nearby boulangerie where you used to be eating. What to say? “Désolé. Bonjour. Puis-je m’assoir avec vous?” which meant “Sorry. Hi. May I sit with you?” in French of course, because Chris had figured that playing the part of the poor American tourist with a terrible French accent trying to adapt in the city of love would be much more appropriate for the situation.       And it had worked. He had sit at your table, had exchanged a few words with you and had found you surprisingly friendly and adorable for an Umbrella employee.             But of course, as the majority of Chris’ plans, the meeting hadn’t ended up the way he had imagined (meaning him discreetly stealing your badge) simply because of a tiny detail he hadn’t thought of; you had forgotten your badge at the lab, leaving him no choice but to improvise and organise a second meeting that he had dared called a rendez-vous.

And here he was, weeks later, sharing your apartment and occasionally your bed and definitely bogged in a way bigger deceit that the one he had originally planned, one he knew he would not be able to get out easily.     And to answer the question, did Chris manage to get his hands on your badge? Well, yes and it was now safely hidden in his room to be used at the proper moment. If only he could shut his guilt away as well. Things would be much easier.

“What did you do today? Sebastien told me he barely saw you.” Sebastien was your other roommate. A nice redhead guy as well as a curious unstoppable chatterbox. “Oh, nothing interesting. I woke up early to jog at the Bois de Boulogne then I spent the rest of day wandering in the city.” That was half a lie. Yes, he had gone for a run at the Bois de Boulogne but he hadn’t spent the afternoon visiting Paris. No, he had spent his afternoon trying to reach the FBI from a phone booth in order to know if they had some news concerning Irons or the Mansion Incident. Unsuccessfully.           “If you want, we can spend this Saturday together. I’m sure I can show you few places you haven’t seen yet.”           “Aren’t you working this Saturday?” You were always working on Saturdays. “I need a day off to clear my mind a bit.” That didn’t sound like you. You were too much of a workaholic to prefer spending your Saturday playing guide to your American roommate. “Now, consider me worried. What’s up at work?” Chris asked, concerned not only because he knew something terrible could be happening at Umbrella but also because he couldn’t help but caring about you, Umbrella worker or not.         “Those last days have been a bit tough that’s all.” You wouldn’t tell him more. You couldn’t. For so many reasons.     “Well in that case, what do you think about me running you a nice hot bath?” You glanced up at Chris. He had drawn your attention in a very interesting way. “That depends. Will you be with me in that bath?” You asked cheekily.         “Do you want me too?” He smirked and you put your hand on his neck to pull him closer to your face. You pressed your lips softly against his; sighing in this kiss you had been dreaming about all day, as Chris brought you against his broad chest, his strong arms now holding you tight against him. You felt so safe in his embrace and that’s what you needed right now.        

Chris pecked you a couple times before laying one last kiss on your forehead with a tenderness that made you melt in his arms. “I’m gonna go run you that bath, okay?” You nodded. “Join me in ten minutes.”       Needless to say that those ten minutes were the longest you had ever experienced. Probably because they gave you plenty of time to dwell on the things you had experienced today at the lab, the things you had seen, the things you wanted to forget and yet couldn’t.           You got up and grabbed the bag you had left by the door to search for a small notebook that you opened with a desperate sigh. Then, you took the pen on Chris’ nightstand and started scribbling notes and drawings in it. A habit you had taken a few months ago and that somehow helped you from not cracking up.  

You guessed you took more than ten minutes when you heard Chris clear his throat by the door, only wearing a small towel around his wait. Goodness, what a sight.         You quickly closed the notebook as soon as you spotted him and put it back in your bag while he pretended not to notice. “Haven’t you forgotten something, mademoiselle?” He smirked and you giggled. “Have I?”     “Yes. I think there is a naked man waiting for you in the bathroom.” He joked and you approached him with a amused yet cheeky smile. You put your hands on his chest, feeling his muscles against your palm, as you looked up at his face with a mischievous look. “Is he hot?” “Right now, he is very hot.” He confessed, absolutely in the mood to play with you. “Better not keep him waiting, then.” You purred and you put your hand on one of the straps of your summer dress to gently make it slide along your shoulder.     That small sight of your naked skin made Chris hiss and unable to resist the urge to lay a trail of soft warm kisses from your neck down to your shoulder. You could tell the smoothness and the perfume of your skin were driving him crazy as his mouth soon started devouring you and muffled growls began vibrating in his throat.     His calloused hands roamed down your back, making you instinctively move your hips closer to his crotch, and he unzipped your dress. It dropped at your feet revealing your body that Chris gazed at with his brown eyes darkened by desire. They lingered on your breasts and you knew he wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to touch them. He loved them too much for that. And so, his hands cupped them and his thumbs brushed your hard nipples. “Gosh, Y/N.” He breathing in, trying to calm his heart pounding in his chest “I can’t wait any longer.” Chris suddenly grabbed you and hoisted you up with incredible ease, hands under your ass, which made you yelp.     Nevertheless, you instinctively wrapped your legs around him, making his towel fall to the floor. “Oops. That was not voluntary.” You giggled. So did he. “Right.” And he rushed towards the bathroom, with you in his arms, his lips devouring yours in a hasty burning kiss on the way.

He set you up on the double washstand and quickly locked the door behind him, giving you a brief view of his divine firm behind, though you liked the front as much if not more right now. “What are you looking at like that?” He smirked. Well, his chiselled chest, his carved abs and that big hard cock. What a silly question! But you couldn’t say that and so instead you urged Chris to come closer to you, spreading your legs to welcome him between them.   He obeyed but instead of giving you that lustful hug and passionate kiss you were expecting, he crouched in between your legs and remove your panties, kissing your smooth legs, from thighs to feet, as he did. You clearly knew where that would eventually lead but you moaned anyway when you felt Chris put your legs on his shoulders and burry his face in between your thighs. “I told you I’d help you relax.”         “What about the hot bath?” You tilted your head towards the bubble bath he had run for you few minutes ago.     “Oh don’t worry, we’re getting there. But first you know how much I like licking your pussy.” He winked and his tongue lapped your slit up to your clit without waiting another second. A loud moan escaped your mouth as Chris sucked your bud loudly, pulling it between his lips, and he looked up at you with a proud smirk before focusing his attention back on your pussy.     He was good, very good even, way better than any other men you had ever been with. He knew exactly how to please you. He knew where the tip of tongue had to swirl to make you shiver, knew the right spot to suck to make you moan and when to add his fingers to make you cry out his name - which was right now by the way. “Oh my god, Chris!” You mewled loudly as you felt one of his fingers entering you, his mouth still eating your pussy up. Your legs instinctively clenched around your lover’s head while one of your hand found its way in his short hair. Then you heard Chris hum in between your thighs as he kept on licking you and fucking you with his finger, adding one more in the process. You pulled his hair back, forcing him to look at you. “Fuck me, please. Fuck me now.” Chris complied and, after his tongue slid one last time in between your lips, he stood up to catch your lips in a new passionate kiss, making you taste your juices on his expert tongue. You could feel his cock against you, hard and slightly throbbing already, showing how impatient and aroused he was.       “Enter that bath, quick.” He ordered with a deep voice that made you shake against his body.

You obeyed and gladly let your burning body sink in the bubbly water, the lukewarm water cooling you off a bit (which wasn’t a bad thing). You were soon followed by Chris who entered the bath with a brutal eagerness that made the water waved a bit too much around both your bodies. “Don’t flood the apartment.” You giggled as you spread your legs to make him a place in the tub. “I can’t promise you that.” He confessed amused, as he grabbed his length in his hand to jerk it off a bit and guide it towards your begging entrance waiting for him under the water. He tickled your swollen clit with his tip before entire you almost smoothly making you draw a sharp breath.         “Damn, you’re so tight.” Chris growled as he took hold of the edge of the bathtub above your head to push himself deeper inside of you, enjoying your wet walls around his cock. “You’re fucking big, you mean.” You said with a painful hiss that brutally calmed his ardour and made him consider immediately pulling out of you. “Sorry. Am I hurting you?” He worried, aware his girth needed get some getting used to and afraid that he hadn’t given you enough. “No, no. It’s okay. Just give me sec.” You cleared your throat and adjusted yourself underneath Chris, spreading your lips with your fingers to welcome him the way you both desired. Hard, big and rough. “Okay. Good now.”           “You sure?” He asked, definitely not willing to hurt you. You nodded and pressed your lips against him to show him how much you wanted him right now. He got the message and started moving inside of you, slowly yet deeply for now.

You dug your nails in his biceps and started moaning; taking delight in feeling him going in and out of you. It was just the most divine sensation in the world. He filled you so perfectly. “Chris. Please. Faster.” You begged.             He complied and started pounding you more quickly, hands still on the edge of the tub, towering you with his muscular body to assert his dominance over you the way you liked it. But it wasn’t enough for you and so you wrapped your legs around him forcing him to go balls deep inside of you. Chris smirked, loving your initiative. “You like it deep and rough, baby?” You cried out.   “I didn’t hear you”   “Yeeess.” You whimpered with small tears in your eyes. He hammered you harder, spilling water on the bathroom floor, and you clenched your walls around him. “Oh god!” You yelled, out of breath.

He was relentless, so strong, so fast, so deep you could hear his body slam against your skin and echo the splashes of the waves in the tub. “Come here.” He lay on his back and urged you to come and straddle him. And so you climbed on top of him, admiring how handsome he was underneath you. “Guide me into you.” You did as he said and directed his throbbing cock to your wanting pussy, welcoming him again inside your wetness, Hands pressed against his pectorals, you immediately started undulating on top of him, feeling the pleasure coming back in your lower stomach.         “That’s it. Keep going.” He whispered, gazing at you.

Chris’ hands crawled up your body to reach your breasts and play with them a bit, delicately pinching your pointy nipples, as you kept riding him. You knew he loved groping them and you also knew how much he loved them in his mouth as well. Therefore you decided to bent over him a bit, just enough for his face to reach your chest, holding on to the wall in front of you with one hand to keep your balance. Chris smiled, understanding perfectly your little game, and pulled one of your tits to his mouth to catch one nipple between his lips and suck it greedily.       It was apparently very pleasurable for him (even maybe more than it was for you, and it was a lot) since he started humming and growling loudly. You enjoyed hearing and seeing him like this very much, so much you stopped riding him to focus on this spectacle.            

It didn’t last long though as you soon felt you lover’s strong hands gripping your ass to make you bounce on his cock again. “I so want to cum, baby. Please make us both cum.” His words made you shiver of excitement and you locked your lips with his as you started rolling your hips onto him again.       But it was certainly not enough for Chris since after few seconds he suddenly grabbed your hips to slam deep in your pussy and relentlessly pound you from underneath. You screamed his name and hold on tight to him. He was very rough, so rough you could barely breathe, but you didn’t mind at all.     Soon, you felt your face become so red and your bundle of nerves become atrociously sensitive. You knew you were ready to explode. “Chris. I’m gonna cum.” He put his hand on your clit to stimulate it and help you reach your release, his cock hammering you even harder than before.       You clenched your pussy around his throbbing cock, making him groan because of how tighter you suddenly were. “Tell me I can cum in you, baby.” He asked, panting. He was very close too. “Yes, cum in me.” You didn’t need to say it twice as Chris immediately growled in your ear, slowed his pace, and spread his cum in your pussy with a last animalistic grunt as you came undone on top of him, yelling his name, your powerful orgasm almost knocking you out.

You collapsed on him, incapable of remaining straight. “Wow. That was something.” He chuckled, exhausted and out of breath, and so did you.             “You’re okay?” You looked up at him, raising your eyebrows. What a ridiculous question. “No, I’m being serious, Y/N. Wasn’t I a bit too rough?” He asked.       “You were perfect.” You admitted before kissing him tenderly.           “AND SO FUCKING LOUD!!!” You heard shouting from behind the wall. You both looked in the direction of the noise, understanding that your roommate had probably heard everything but despite the embarrassment you couldn’t help but burst out laughing. Poor Sebastien.       “Why don’t we get out of that bath and cuddle a bit in bed? The water is getting cold.” Chris offered.   “I’d like that very much.” You smiled and managed to leave the tub, using the little energy you had left in your sore body.            

As you dried yourself, you saw Chris head towards the door with a towel draped around his waist. “Where are you going?” You asked.   “Taking some briefs in my room. See you in your room in a minute?” He smiled and you nodded, impatient to spend the night in his arms. “Can you bring me back my clothes and my bag while you’re at it?”           “Sure.”

Chris closed the door behind him and headed towards his room where he put on some clean underwear and picked up your stuff as you had asked. But the moment he grabbed your bag and caught a glimpse of the black notebook he had previously seen you inside, he knew he would probably not join you as soon as he had told you.         He watched it first, hesitant, knowing perfectly well that what he had in mind right now was very bad. It was one thing to steal a badge, but spying on you, that was going too far. “No, Chris. No.” He whispered to himself. And yet, he grasped the notebook and opened it.   It was a diary of some sort judging by the numerous dates he noticed as he quickly leafed through it. And if it was a diary then it was indeed very private, intimate even, certainly not his to read. He thought about putting it back in your bag for a second, but what if something valuable to his investigation was inside that notebook?         “Argh, fuck.” He cursed as he went to the first page.

“May, 14th 1998

Today made me regret the time I was just the intern bringing Professor Rochois his morning espresso. Umbrella is asking more and more of me, and the pressure they put on us workers is driving me insane. But what’s worse is that I’ve got the impression they are not telling us everything, especially concerning the experience the seasoned scientists are conducting in the north wing. But I guess I’ll soon have answers to my questions since Professor Rochois said that he was genuinely impressed by my devotion and was thinking of promoting me.”

Chris frowned, apprehension knotting his stomach. That didn’t sound good at all. He needed to learn more about that even if the moment was far from convenient. You could show up anytime and catch him red-handed.         He turned a few more pages, rapidly skimming through some notes he would definitely read another day, until he spotted a weird drawing of some octopus-like creature. What the hell was that thing?

“June, 7th 1998

The NE-a parasite. A parasitic species indented to retain intelligence. It has been developed by Umbrella Europe for years. At first I thought it was just a revolutionary way to cure brain damage. After all, that’s how it had been advertised to me. But the more I study it, the more I believe Umbrella may be up to something else other than treating brain injuries or Alzheimer. I don’t know what and I’m not even sure I want to know.”

Chris pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. His body was shaking and he could feel fear eating him up and he started imagining terrible things.   What if you were involved in the Spencer Mansion incident? No, no. You couldn’t be. And yet, Chris decided to have a look had the entries you wrote in July. He needed to reassure himself. One immediately drew his attention.

“July, 28th 1998

My superiors have been quite on edge lately, something to do with an incident that happened with the American branch of Umbrella from what I overheard. I don’t know what it is though, but I’m sure it must be pretty big because they doubled down security in the lab. The team and I have the impression we are living in a 1984 remake. The CCTVs are always recording and I sometimes have the strange sensation I’m being permanently spied on, even in the locker room. Maybe they have doubts about me because of the many questions I often ask about Project Nemesis.”

Project Nemesis? Y/N, what the hell were you working on in that lab?

#chris redfield #chris redfield x reader #resident evil #fanfic #under her large umbrella #re2 remake inspired fan fiction

[yutaya]

Iron Fist Rewatch 1x04: Eight Diagram Dragon Palm

Danny, struggling to pull himself onto that light post thing with his probably now bruised chest: "I dedicate myself to the service of all beings of K'un Lun-" *falls* So is this a recitation they do in training - is he trying to use that mindset to help him climb this beam? Is he doing some sort of traditional ask-the-gods-to-bless-me-with-strength thing?

Lol somehow I had remembered it as Danny crawling up again anyway after the initial push. I forgot they actually went and collected him. Guess that makes them look more favorable to him than my own recall though...

On the coffee table directly facing Danny when he wakes up, probably meant to be a sign to him about where he is and who has so kindly rescued and tended to him after his unfortunate tumble off a building: the formal pic of Harold and children, another photo hard to make out - my first thought was the vacation photo of the 6 of them but it's very sepia, could be something else. Maybe if I look back at other photos we've seen before I could match it.

Danny: "What happened to me? Last I remember I was climbing up-" Ward: "Yeah, like goddamn Daredevil." LOL

UGH THIS WHOLE HAROLD INTRO SCENE UGH Danny mad at Ward one second and then Harold appears and it's like the breath is punched out of him. Looking at Ward and Ward just calmly looking back because he clearly knows what's going on and Danny doesn't - it's as if they're bringing him into their confidence on something. This is a form of offering Danny something he wants - to be a part of something with the only family he thought he had left, not to mention the miracle of one of his parent-figures being alive again. (Wow, what a journey. From finding out Harold is dead and then Ward and Joy both quite clearly rejecting him and denying him a place in their lives to Joy actually doing something to indicate maybe at least she still wants him around after all? To wait, Ward and Harold bringing me in on something too? It's like the dream he clung to in K'un Lun got snatched away and now seems to be trickling back, and - UGH.) "You see him too?" because Danny thought he was seeing things that night at the hospital but this- this is real? Ward's sad, small nod because he knows so much more about Harold than Danny does, and he's seeing this innocent joy (word choice intended) while knowing himself to be wary and that this is almost definitely another manipulation (but what if it's not? What if-? But Harold is still dangerous, he can't help it, there's a reason Ward wants to protect Joy from him even while knowing that Harold favors her so dearly, because there are other ways to hurt your children-)

Harold calmly walking forward while wearing a black suit and confirming "I did die," followed by Danny's "You look the same age as when I last saw you..." - Vampire AU??? (Ugh but why did it have to be Harold? Not a fan of monsters as the bad guys.... need a non-evil vamp to balance him out....)

The way Ward just keeps looking silently between the both of them, like a witness, like - UGH.

"You're home now," GOD DAMMIT and Danny's relief and gratitude and Ward's somber look down I -

Cancer lasted 3 years

Ward: "Dad, are you sure you should be saying this?" Harold: "It's ok. Danny needs to know this." Casting Ward in the opposition role

Ward sits down in the chair adjacent to the couch Danny is on. Harold crosses over from where he was standing near the left side of the couch to sit on the farther right side instead - specifically sitting in between Danny and Ward.

Harold: "I still remember my last breath. Scariest shit I've ever experienced." Ward looks up and away, taking a breath, before turning back again. Combo of eye-roll at dramatics and genuine pain at the thought because that's his dad and Ward remembers those years of pain and decay and - ?

I forgot Danny originally thought of the Hand more like a fable than a reality - and finding out they're a real, present threat combines with being told it's not K'un Lun that they're threatening, but that this whole time, they've actually been digging their claws into his home?

Ward rolling his eyes with his whole body when Harold encourages Danny to think about this as ~embracing his destiny~ hahaha

Ward: No offense, but Danny has zero idea how to do business and therefore maybe shouldn't be running a company with again, absolutely zero training??? Harold: Don't mind Ward being a petulant brat who wants to keep you from your rightful place in our family, Danny. I need you. :)

Harold to Danny: "We've needed a fighter like you back in the family." - right in front of Ward, yet another small "unlike you, who are weak" jab. In line with the whole "Joy can close the deal, you, Ward, can not do anything" lines in the previous episode.

Ward warning Danny about Harold!! But not really doing it great so it could be taken as another 'othering' where Danny could hear 'Harold's not YOUR dad' instead of Ward's intended 'Harold's not your DAD' - made much better by his clarification that Harold only cares about Harold and helping to show he meant 'not a good supportive dad you can lean blindly on' than if he had just. left it at that. I'm glad for Ward's continuing with that line and for Danny's long, considering look at nothing afterward. Gives the sense that Danny feels that something is off, even if he's not sure what.

Colleeeeeeeeeeeeen and her shame and her truly believing in honoring the code of bushido and her teaching these children to get them "the scholarship" to help them in a legitimate, meaningful, honorable way (SOB) and believing that their skills should be about the code and not be about flashiness or showing off or being able to lord their power and ability over others or money -

Code of Bushido (Includes eight virtues, and this episode title is Eight Diagram Dragon Palm. Coincidence???)

1. Rectitude or Justice (refers to PERSONAL rectitude - “one’s power to decide upon a course of conduct in accordance with reason, without wavering” “the bone that gives firmness and stature...without Rectitude neither talent nor learning can make the human frame into a samurai.”)

2. Courage (Bushido distinguishes between bravery and courage - “Courage is doing what is right”)

3. Benevolence or Mercy (“Love, magnanimity, affection for others, sympathy and pity, are traits of Benevolence, the highest attribute of the human soul”)

4. Politeness (Courtesy is rooted in benevolence - “Politeness should be the expression of a benevolent regard for the feelings of others; it’s a poor virtue if it’s motivated only by a fear of offending good taste. In its highest form Politeness approaches love”)

5. Honesty and Sincerity (interestingly, rather than what *I* personally think of when I hear the words “honesty and sincerity”, the info in the Bushido code text about this virtue mostly centers around the idea of disdaining money and riches - probably what Colleen is talking about with her whole “fighting for money breaks the bushido code” thing)

6. Honor (referring to non-martial behavior)

7. Loyalty (bushido text about this seems mostly in context of loyalty to a superior, to your leader, to people you are indebted to. Applies tragically to Colleen and her personal experience with Hand culture. To me, of course, I am more interested in the idea of those leaders deserving your love and your loyalty hand-in-hand with it. Given the other virtues, this IS probably what the code meant to include, but from a modern standpoint it seems like one of those things where especially paramilitary organizations or cults like the Hand could twist the letter of it into an expectation of blindly following orders, even perhaps against your personal devotion to the other virtues)

8. Character and Self-Control (“Bushido teaches that men should behave according to an absolute moral standard, one that transcends logic. What’s right is right, and what’s wrong is wrong. The difference between good and bad and between right and wrong are givens, not arguments subject to discussion or justification, and a man should know the difference.” I get the ideal of this, but something about the wording sits weirdly with me... maybe the implication that they can’t make a mistake?)

Ageless qualities of manliness: choosing compassion over confrontation, and benevolence over belligerence <3

“The tie might be a touch effeminate” Shut UP Ward

Danny, at a press conference: *waves at Jeri* “Hey.” Jeri: *shakes her head*

Danny: “Yes, I was in a mental hospital.” Joy, despairingly: “Oh, Danny”

Jeri smiling. Maybe she worked with Danny on how to handle the press conference and likely questions he would face? My headcanon from this anyway. Ward and Joy looking at each other, seems like in surprise at Danny’s answers and spin?

“Kindness is the eternal law”

The way Danny slips in to this conversation with Joy about the Red Hook property for his Hand investigation is very well done. Reminds me of watching the Netflix trailer and thinking that it made IF look like a show where Danny was some form of government agent going undercover as himself for an investigation.

SO CUTE how Danny goes “woah, I have a first appointment of the day? Who is it?” and then he turns around and it’s his friend Jeri! Hahaha. Danny: “J-money!!” *goes in for a hug* Jeri: “Woah, we don’t do that.”

Jeri: “Your father’s office. Even found his old desk.” Meaning she was the one working on this - Ward is the one who had to set Danny up there after his sarcastic remarks in the penthouse, but Jeri brought in the sentimentality. (Jeri, directly after basically admitting to putting a bunch of effort into a very sentimental gesture here: “Now don’t get all weepy on me.”) Jeri in IF is so soft I love it

Danny: “I pretty much had to raise the dead.” *smirks to himself at his own inside joke*

Jeri, trying to give Danny advice: “For most of these people, you are a hostile takeover.” Me: JERI, HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THE NUANCES OF YOUR CORPORATE SPEAK.

Jeri asks if Danny wants the door open or closed. He chooses open. Open to Megan, open to all his new coworkers and employees. Danny is, at his core, for people.

LOL Did Danny just steal Ward’s chair?

Danny: *forces half the board to move so he can sit next to Joy* Me: DANNY

If these guys really wanted to persuade Danny to their point of view on the sell-at-cost thing, they should have emphasized the “funding new research” part of it instead of just repeating “this is just business” ad nauseam. Obviously Ward is actually trying to do the opposite right now and get Danny driven out, but idk what the rest of these people are thinking. Danny acknowledges that they can still make profits elsewhere, which is his side offering a dialogue to meet them. Their counter is that the WHO will be buying it from them and subsidizing it from other people. If they wanted to meet or even just appear to be meeting Danny partway, they could have suggested an initiative to work with the WHO on a program for that? Although since none of them want to actually do that and don’t really care what Danny thinks about it, I know why they didn’t.

Joy raising her eyebrow at Ward’s declaring that they’ll go to market at cost like “I see you Ward and how many times have I told you to leave the maneuvering to me you are unsubtle and unskilled”

Danny looking back at Ward significantly on his way to his discussion with Joy about the pier deal

Ward taking The Drugs before he has to answer Harold’s late night phone call

Harold: You did a great job today. Ward: *baffled expression* Harold: Now, son, this isn’t the time to point fingers, it’s the time for solutions. Ward: There it is. Harold: Also, you screwed up in the meeting and you need to make it up. Ward: *sigh*

Danny: white sneakers with the suit

Joy casually placing the monks and their traditional robes in a lower class position to them and their white collar formal business attire

Time for Joy to play the angle on Danny, curb his at-cost behavior for the future

The ringmaster choosing the second fighter for Colleen followed by that “look, you guys know all the rules” line - I like this guy. He probably remembers how the last dude Colleen fought was a rule-breaker and wants to keep all his fighters safe as possible in an already dangerous 2-on-1 fight like this.

Again with the camera slowing and the noise fading and the blood splattering camera work giving the “losing control” vibe

“The problem was, I never thought through WHY I wanted this job. I mistook my stubborn will for a sense of... destiny, or something.” (Danny, earlier: “My shifu would have called this destiny.”)

“Every moment was a struggle. Failure... led to a beating. Victory... led to another fighting style. To the next lesson.”

Joy flat out calls it abuse and Danny doesn’t deny it.

Vodka and tonic, light on the tonic.

Danny clearly still shaken by the borderline flashbacks to his life at K’un Lun.

Is this the first time the Hatchets appear? Just storming the apartment and punching Joy in the face? Danny and Joy must both be like “WHAT IS HAPPENING”

Joy tries punching one of them. Good for you, Joy.

Ah yes, Ward flat out telling one of the more shark-like reporters that the drug is a huge deal that would save millions of lives and that Rand was of course planning to really boost the price to make a “huge” profit. “That is a loss of hundreds of millions of dollars [that our one company wanted to make off of the millions of people who needed this drug to save their lives]. He’s worse than those bleeding-heart-liberal-trust-fund hipsters wandering around Williamsburg.” (Note: Williamsburg: hip neighborhood that draws the young and fashionable. Boutiques, cafes, street art, outdoor concerts and food markets. Dance clubs, bars, music halls. East Williamsburg is ranked one of the 5 most LGBTQ+ friendly neighborhoods in Brooklyn.)

“Ellison, don’t give the front page to Karen”

Ward just looks at her retreating back and rubs his hands together like “Ah yes, a job well done.” Biggest question for the viewers in this scene is probably: Did Ward tank this on purpose or is he really that far removed from the reality of the non-Elite?

Colleen: still bloody from her illegal cage fighting and hears noise outside her door. Last time she heard noise, it was attackers breaking in for what probably seemed to her like retaliation. Then it’s Danny and she has the relieved exasperation, but - oh ho, Joy Meachum?

“Wasn’t he stalking you?” “It was a misunderstanding.” “Right. I guess being a millionaire covers a multitude of sins.” (Danny: “Billionaire.” Colleen in the background: *disbelieving huff+head shake*)

TRIADS. Time for my triad rant: Every drama show ever to involve Asian-Americans - even just in one-episode specials - includes triads. I’m so sick of it. I know organized crime is a real problem that actually exists, but - why are the Asians always evil? It’s like having the mafia be a plotline every time an Italian character exists on screen. Plz diversify. Media colors perception.

Danny: literally just walks into a restaurant and says he needs to speak to the head of the crime gang. AND THEN NONE OF THEM EVEN BOTHER TRYING TO DENY IT. The Hatchets literally just open the door to their backroom where you can clearly see their illegal activity and come out to talk to Danny. What if he was working with the cops, guys?

It’s so scary how the Yangshi Gonsi react to the mention of the Hand. Well done, IF.

“Joke around the house was that Danny and I were pledged to be married.” (“In another life, this would have been romantic.”) (THIS CREEPS ME OUT THOUGH in a very personally specific triggering way as someone who spent their childhood running around with a boy that I found out later people thought was gonna “knock me up someday.” #BARF)

Colleen has a billionaire in her dojo learning how to punch on a dummy held together with duct tape because she can’t afford to fix it. (Also: Colleen's dojo is also for self-defense classes. Joy was just attacked by hatchet-wielders.)

Danny: "The hatchets won’t be a problem anymore." and then doesn’t elaborate. DANNY THAT SOUNDS SO SHADY. YOU LOOK SO SHADY RIGHT NOW.

Danny: *reaches out and touches Colleen’s hand* Colleen: *flinches back* What are you doing? DANNY. DANNY, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. You seriously have no idea how you come across. Joy is watching all this like “wow....ok.”

Danny used to fight in illegal fight clubs on his way back from K’un Lun. Along with his obtaining an illegal fake ID. New headcanon: Danny is actually super connected to the criminal underground worldwide. Mob bosses everywhere have a soft spot for him. He’s somewhere on a mission with Ward/Colleen/Defenders/HfH and acting like he knows the area, someone recognizes him and he starts chatting cheerfully with them, suddenly they’re being greeted and helped out by people deep in the black market scene while Danny bear hugs someone that most people clearly fear and his companions look on with wide eyes.

Danny, a literal billionaire: Remember how I offered to pay you six months rent for helping me out? Colleen, broke as hell: My denial stands.

Danny: So how are we gonna tell Ward? (framing them - all three of them - as a team) Joy: lmao, are we thinking about the same Ward? You want to tell the most overprotective big brother in the world that men with hatchets attacked his sister? Do you remember what he did to those bullies when we were 8?

Gao: *black bags Harold, refuses to tell him where they’re taking him, doesn’t reveal that this particular instance is him landing on the ‘good’ side of the scale until the last possible second.*

Ugh, he just puts that sword back in the scabbard with all the blood still on it? Improper blade care

Oh yeah, I guess this is the audience’s first scene showing that Harold is capable of cold-blooded murder

I notice that this article may be the front page of the business section, but is NOT the front of the newspaper. Sorry, Jennifer.

[I had initially transcribed the article here, but have made it it's own post which can be found here. Notes on the article, though: Jennifer was very kind to the Meachums in it, given what Ward was actually saying. Also, which Bulletin employee fell down on grammar checking that thing?]

Danny’s Jeri-given apartment doesn’t have a number on the door, but does have some sort of cherry blossom branches etching in the plate?

The Hatchet box!!! (congrats again @Sholio LOL) Yang Hai-Qing wants Danny to get rid of the Hand too. He wasn’t gonna mess with them, explained they didn’t know about the Hand's involvement when they went after Joy, and apologized, but then the Hand came to his restaurant and killed one of his men anyway.

Ah yes, the great tattoo reveal. Also, is that a bullet’s pucker scar on Danny’s left shoulder?

#Iron Fist #iron fist rewatch #eight diagram dragon palm #my stuff #the immortal iron fist #i am lagging so badly on this rewatch!! #but this episode literally took me all day

[shellheadtm-a]

know your 616 tony stark - steve rogers edition

originally i was going to group these by groups but the avengers are so large i'm gonna just do...posts for everyone.  especially steve.  there's just too much between these two for me to ever keep it to a blurb, and that relationship is super different in 616 and why is also important.

this is gonna get real long.  strap in.

if you've been here a while you know this story:  so, unlike the mcu, where steve was found and thawed by shield, a newly-formed avengers (consisting of iron man, the wasp, giant man, and thor) went looking for the hulk on a rampage, and happened to stumble across a body floating in arctic waters and pulled it into their sub to have a better look at it.  they didn't expect the dude to be alive, but as he thawed, they realized he was breathing.  more than that, they realized that his clothes - old army olive drabs - had been shredded, and underneath was the red, white, and blue of the fabled wwii war hero, captain america, along with his shield.

sidenote:  tony stark considers this day (canonically) to be the best day of his life.  the day they found steve in the ice is his best memory, his little injured fanboy heart went pitter patter at the very idea of captain america being on their sub and being alive after all that time.

so, to continue our story:  steve woke up and flipped out and had to be subdued before they got him calm down and got to talking, and they decided he was more than welcome to come back to new york with them.  after some adventures of steve's own - the avengers being turned into statues, getting shot, meeting rick jones (professional hero sidekick), finding the alien who turned the avengers into stone, and fighting namor the sub-mariner - steve was made an avenger and the rest is history.

unfortunately, it's...a lot of history.  so let's look at the differences.

iron man and captain america were immediately friends.  there was no animosity there, iron man very quickly became the solid grounding force in steve's life at the time, because iron man was pretty down to earth and charming and funny for a robot (full disclosure, tony kept a secret identity and claimed iron man was his bodyguard).  it's a joke that tony and steve always touch each other unnecessarily all the time always but the reason it's a joke is because it's true.  it started literally immediately after steve got out of the ice.  tony stark gave steve a home in that not only did he open his house on 890 fifth avenue to the steve (it was the avengers' meeting place), he took him on a date tried get up him up to date with the present day.  radiohead is forever going to be an inside joke between them.  no i'm not actually going to explain that.  just know that the band radiohead definitely has a meaning for both them.

the animosity that happens between the two of them is because they both have tempers and are stubborn.  not because they don't like each other.  they love each other, this is fact.  they are literally attached at the hip when they're not swinging at each other, and them swinging at each other is super rare, actually!  tony's one of the people in steve's life that will call him out when he's being stupid about something (the captain america mythos is strong and tony's both not over it and over it - he's come to value steve a hell of a lot more than captain america and he's not afraid to let steve - his best friend - know when he's being a dumbass).  steve makes tony want to do and be better, to be someone steve can be proud of.  they're a duo.  they work best as a united pair and with being on the same page.  they're the mom and dad of the avengers and everyone knows it.  steve's the disappointed gives you a lecture parent, tony's the stand there behind steve and frown and reel steve in when he gets carried away parent.  i'm not even joking a little bit about this, this is what they do.  they're a two man show.

they communicate in looks and finish each other's thoughts and sentences.  it's part because they're part of that generation of avengers teams that were all super close like a family and literally lived together, and part just plain steve and tony.  they do this thing where there can literally be a party going on and everyone else is milling around socializing and they'll have themselves in a corner and talk to each other only, like they're the only people in the room.  they do that in front of other people in other situations.  they fill in the blanks for each other when they talk to other people together.  it's sure as shit a thing you have to witness for yourself.

the nicknames tony gives steve aren't derisive.  instead, he's a big fan of things like beloved.  captain handsome.  winghead.  he occasionally throws out an old man, but even that's affectionate instead of acerbic.  he likes to talk about how pretty steve's eyes are.  the only times he refers to steve as rogers is when things are literally going to shit between them, which, again, is less often than you think.  tony and steve are best friends.  if they're not speaking, the world is out of balance.  all of these things are part of the tony and steve displays of affection with each other, when including the fact that they are touchy.  like i could literally dig through the comics and find plenty of times where there have been shoulder squeezes, the way they'll guide each other with a hand on the back, neck squeezes.  that's just tony and steve.  it's how they are.  there's normally none of this standoffishness.  they are, in the end, physically and emotionally very close.

they love each other.  however you want to read it, that is fact.  that is canon.  whether you want to look at it as them hovering in some weird space that's more than friends and never taking that last step, as one side being unrequited on a romantic front, as it being strictly platonic, whatever.  they still love each other.  it's not some tsundere thing, literally everyone knows they care a lot about each other.  like a lot of you know, a lot of you are new, but some of you may not be aware of how during civil war, steve literally died in 616.  well.  not literally.  more like got forced through time but for all practical purposes he was dead.  and tony immediately fell the fuck apart.  couldn't even give steve's eulogy, he broke down right there at the podium.  if you've never read the confession, you should, that's about as solid of a love confession as you're ever actually gonna see, probably, of tony sitting in a room with steve's body sobbing his heart out explaining his reasoning for what he's done.  because steve's death is the one thing!  he cannot live with.  and he is a mess until he goes on his brain delete world tour.  there's a whole secret funeral with just tony, jan, and hank (well, skrull-hank but they think it's hank), the last of the original avengers still standing, where they found steve in the ice.  just...he was a mess.  and it didn't get better at all for a...super long time.  (they're in a much better place with each other again finally and it's good to see and i love my boys.)

when they fight it's usually due to hurt feelings on both sides because they are both shit at using their words.  and tony's usually the guilty party that's been lying.  lying is a defense mechanism for tony.  it's something he's trained himself to do after years of abuse.  which is kinda funny (in a sad way) because steve actually had a Not Great Childhood with an abusive alcoholic father, too, they just coped in two separate directions.  but tony likes to hide things, pretend like everything is great, everything is peachy, he can do it On His Own, and steve gets angry, every single time, because together things might have turned out differently, and also there's some jealousy occasionally mixed into that (read: finding out about the illuminati) and they just...they're very intense.  their relationship is very intense.  and they can argue and fight and disagree on all kinds of things but at the end of the day...tony still loves steve, and steve still loves tony.

steve is tony's moral rudder.  this isn't me talking shit, tony literally says so.  steve is tony's north star, the one he follows to guide him in the right direction.  what would steve rogers do is literally his mantra.  and this isn't a new thing, tony's been a cap fan from when he was very small.  he has an entire collection of captain america memorabilia that he's been gathering since before he ever became iron man.  so it definitely predates him meeting steve for real.  he decorates with steve's face (okay, and the other avengers, too, there's always plenty of artwork and photos of the teams hanging on the walls).  he keeps a picture of steve in his office the way most people do their significant others.  he just really loves and admires steve a whole lot, and it's only intensified in the time they've known each other and been friends, and steve's friendship is literally the most important thing in the world for tony, period.  even when they disagree.  especially when they disagree.  and tony would trade his life for steve's without even thinking.  has tried to.  the red zone story arc is a prime example, because tony willingly exposed himself to a biochemical agent that worked as flesh eating bacteria on steroids to give steve mouth to mouth to keep him alive, essentially thinking he was trading his own life for steve's and being fine with that decision because "captain america's more important than you."  obviously they both survived, but nothing hurts more than seeing steve cradle tony's head in his lap while tony's dying, knowing tony willingly exposed himself for steve.

tony would probably have left the avengers ages ago if not for steve.  he'd have let the dream die after avengers disassembled (which, for the unfamiliar, is when wanda destroyed the mansion and house of m happened and some of the team died and tony just didn't have the money to rebuild and keep them going).  steve basically gently bullied him into starting a team with him after the breakout at the raft (a bunch of superpowered criminals got loose).  he definitely wasn't going to join again after siege and reluctantly let steve talk him into it (even though i think a break there would have been good for him).  he built the avengers machine for steve, to center around steve, because i believe he fully intended to either not survive or to in some way no longer be a part of the avengers.  he let steve and thor talk him into starting another new team (the current one).

for tony, steve is the important part of captain america.  and it's been that way since they first became friends.  steve constantly amazes him, makes him want to try harder, live up to who steve thinks tony is.  he stumbles a lot, he's only human, but steve's opinion of him is so, so important, and when they're on the outs tony's whole world just falls apart.  but more than that, steve's not just...he's not the serum to tony.  steve could be deserumed and scrawny and have a host of health issues like he once did and it wouldn't matter a single fucking bit to tony, steve will still be steve for him, because it's not captain america that's made steve a hero, it's steve that's made captain america a beacon of hope.  that's all steve.  and tony will also do everything in his power to get steve what he needs, help him when he needs it, will drop literally everything immediately to do anything steve asks.  the rules tony may have in place with other people do not apply to steve.  the exoskeleton he built steve, when the serum was failing and steve was basically dying, broke all of tony’s rules about his tech, and he did it willingly, without a second thought, because it was for steve.  the idea of someone ever telling steve the only thing that makes him special came out of a bottle would have tony ready to fucking fight.

tony knows all the little things about steve you typically do know about your best friend.  the bagel thing always comes up, so you know.  tony absolutely knows steve's favorite bagel flavor.  they can probably recite the way they both take their coffee by heart without thinking about it.  dean harassed me with it like at some point earlier, but there's a thing samnee did that was basically the steve and tony dynamic in a nutshell.  i mean ffs, folks, tony literally.  canonically.  has stolen clothes from steve, he's absolutely got one of steve's blue with the white star tshirts.

in retrospect this all sounds way, way less than platonic but i literally cannot make this shit up.

point is:  in this case, steve is probably his most influential and important relationship.  i'm not saying at all that there aren't others that have their own extreme importance; there are.  rhodey, carol, pepper, happy, nat, clint, thor, bruce, all the people you know from the mcu are all very important to him.  but steve and tony are...intense.  very intense.  and at the same time so absolutely effortless when they're not opposed on the important things.  steve is tony's best friend, full stop.  if tony possibly feels more than that...well, you're allowed to draw your own conclusions?  but uh.  intense.  they act as one another's anchor, they're home.

#constant //: ( about ) #file //: ( captain america :: steve rogers ) #long post #long post for ts #// i realize reading over this that yeah #// yeah #// if you don't think tony's in love with steve you just #// haven't been paying attention #// no matter what you may think steve feels #// tony's gone #// has been gone for years #// and that's never going away #// it's kinda sad really #// but regardless #// steve is so important to tony #// he can function without being a moon to steve's sun #// but he doesn't do it well #// they both work best in a team #// when they present a united front #array //: ( queue )

[did-he-just-hiss-at-me]

i present to you, another f***ing sanders sides swap au cuz there can never be enough of them

i'm gonna call this corruptive switch cuz the dark sides are arguably worse than in canon

Patton is Dark!Creativity

also known as Intrusive Thoughts

Aside from the usual I.T. things, he seems to suggest a lot of good things but with bad intentions, which slowly turn into completely bad things

"You should offer to house-sit for them, that way you can take the opportunity to steal and use their house for parties! Oh, or even better, steal from them!"

instead of The Duke, he is The Painter(no dukey-esque jokes, sorry)

his Dark Side animal theme is the Fear Mongrel(disguised as a cat. look up what the fear mongrel is)

makes alot of crafts that are either made of gross things or resemble gross things

i chose the fear mongrel because it poison's peoples minds and it has no set form so i can do whatever with patton's animal traits

Constantly stealing things from the other sides

Roman: Patton, why do you have my cloak?! I need it back!

Patton, wrapped in the cloak like a burrito: No.

Logan is Light!Creativity

also known as Logical Creativity

Everything he comes up with has reasoning behind it

"Just because a Manticore and a Chimera are already combinations of other animals doesn't mean they can't be combined; That just makes it a more powerful & threatening enemy to fight! So many more animal parts to contribute to the danger!"

instead of The Prince, he is The Author

doesn't always wear his coat

has a dislike for "cartoon logic", unless that logic actually has a good explanation

does not hate the laws of fiction, as long as he can see it as a possible irl event

sneaks memes into his writing

Roman is Anxiety

also known as Uncontrollable Anxiety

All the anxiety he gives Thomas is based off of wildly improbable ideas, and Thomas can picture the scenarios too(not just hear Roman say them)

"But Thomas, if you go to this party with your friends, your DD might get drunk and still try to drive you home, and you could either end up arrested or in a car crash! And probably die afterwards!

his Dark Side animal theme is a Nian(look it up)

due to the Nian's hatred of the color red he hides from all mirrors and reflective surfaces

only Ethan can combat his abilities

likes to get up close to people when spreading his anxious thoughts

hyper, like, all the time

i chose the Nian because it's pretty creepy to me and it's immortal(comparable to how difficult it can be to get rid of deep-set fears) and people fear it and what it can do(of course)

dark circles around his eyes cuz ironically he keeps himself awake at night with his fears

meme king

Virgil is Deceit

also known as Manipulative Self-Preservation

Makes things sound scarier than they actually are, solely to get Thomas to stay on track with his life

"If you tell him why you ducked out of the project, he may never ask you to partner up with him again; which will inevitably lead to him never talking to you at all, forever!"

his Dark Side animal theme is a Firefox

Unlike Canon Deceit, he does not care for Thomas' mental health

anti-villain. thinks he's doing good but he's just flat out evil

only reason I chose a firefox is because i wanted him to have something on his face, so i chose burns and scars, which brought me to the firefox, and foxes are cunning, stealthy manipulators

likes to sing villain/dark songs, to Ethan's dismay

Deceit is Logic

also known as Self-Protecting Logic

name in this AU is Ethan, just to prevent confusion with Virgil

Will do whatever it takes to keep Thomas safe. Will only resort to whatever is circumstantially necessary.

"I know you don't like the sound of it Thomas, but doing this will lead to the safest result. You could ruin this friendship otherwise."

glasses are actually just empty frames

cares way more about thomas's mental health than Canon Logic, CS!Logan, Canon Deceit and CS!Virgil combined

instead of scales, he has scars that look like vitiligo. he gets more of these spots as thomas goes through more and more things that negatively effects his mental health. they don't hurt Ethan physically, but they're constant reminders of his failures

only looks at memes that don't encourage negative feelings

huge freaking emphasis on positivity like ffs dude chill out

Remus is Morality

also known as Moral Ambivalence

Does the right thing but his morals are, quite obviously, a bit misguided

"Stabbing isn't wrong if they consent to it! He said he wanted to be stabbed!"

please don't let him near strong-heat-producing objects... like stoves... Virgil convinced him they're ok to touch

admires Patton's works but will never admit it to him. also admires Logan's but will admit it, and even give him some inspiration

likes to pretend to be a detective for some reason

yes, he still has his mustache, his dark circles(?) around his eyes are there too, but they're not as noticeable tho.

does not get memes

There are minor differences to the episodes that still keep a roughly similar plotline,, these are what i could think of

Like in The Dark Side of Disney, they're talking about Pixar movies in specific(Cuz Logan would be a firm believer in the Pixar Theory due to how interesting and plausible it is) and Roman's always suggesting sh** like "Wall-e killed all the other robots cleaning up earth" and "Toys can die and their owners wouldn't know they'd just be playing with a dead corpse" and Logan's like "cAN YOU NOT" the entire time cuz he knows it's probable and he hates it

In Can Lying Be Good? Virgil pretends to be Logic instead of Morality, because he can't keep up with Remus's energy and his points will make more sense coming from Ethan's mouth... or so he thinks. yeah by the end he's exposed. Ethan was tied up in a closet the entire time.

In Learning New Things About Ourselves, Ethan isn't the one against the puppet shenanigans like you would suspect, it's Logan... again. Since he's Logical Creativity he doesn't see how playing around with puppets and singing songs will fix Thomas's problem. It's still illogical.

In Selfishness vs. Selflessness, Virgil has(more or less) the same goal as Deceit does in canon(to get Thomas to realize he's not a perfectly good person) except instead of doing it in a regular courtroom, he does it in a nightmarish one in Patton's part of the imagination(who is in the background, manipulating the room during the trial)

just some other facts

Thomas is only a complete wreck when his dark sides are kept out of check(my writer abilities have peaked. i made a rhyme unintentionally.)

out of the dark sides, not even anxiety is TRULY "accepted" in this au. the dark sides are just tolerated. the only reason they're allowed to exist and interact with thomas like the light sides is because Ethan realizes how important they are and enforces a rule preventing them from being banned

speaking of which, the darks and lights do interact like normal friends but that doesn't mean they're happy with their opposite's roles

Somebody: You and Logan have a good brotherly relationship, right Patton?

Patton: Absolutely not. He is a sworn enemy to Thomas's well being.

Somebody: But I saw you two geeking out over something earli-

Patton: I would sell him to satan for one corn chip. I don't even like corn chips.

dark sides are based on fictional animals/monsters instead of real animals

everyone keeps their little quirks(Logan likes crofters, Patton likes cats, etc.) unless they are tied to their canon role(Deceit's emphasis on the letter "s" when speaking, Roman caring about his appearance, etc.)

don't let the dark sides combine their powers, ever. that's when they're truely strong

Roman and Remus are no longer brothers, it's Patton and Logan instead

yeahh that's all i've got. i'm working on character refs now, in fact right after this post goes up i'm posting logan's. here's hoping people like this concept hdgdjdhds

#logan #virgil #roman #remus #deceit #patton #kacey's original posts #corruptive switch au #logan sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides au #roman sanders #remus sanders #deceit sanders #patton sanders #dukedontlook #creativitwins #glassestwins #thats the logan&patton twins tag now #thomas sanders #character thomas

[makeste]

BnHA Bonus Rant #4: Bakumom

Okay guys. This is my post about Bakugou Mitsuki. This is actually my third attempt at trying to write a post on this topic; I tried to do one back when I was getting ready to post the recap for chapter 96, but wasn’t able to coherently get across all of the thoughts I wanted to convey, so I ended up deleting it. Then in response to one of the comments on that recap, I ended up writing another post, and this time I managed to get out almost 1200 words on the subject! But during the editing process, I realized that it just wasn’t something I had the energy to discuss. The topic of “is this character abusive” is obviously a very sensitive one, and something that a lot of people have very strong feelings about, and I realized that my post wasn’t going to convince anyone one way or the other, and that it was more likely to lead to a discussion that I had absolutely no spoons for. Like, all my spoons went into the post itself, and that was it. So in the end I scrapped that too (and my apologies to @temperatezone, who made a very reasonable point very tactfully, which I basically ended up just ignoring because at the time I wasn’t ready to get into it).

Before we start -- regarding spoilers, I’ve done my best to keep this post spoiler-free so long as you are caught up with the anime (or have read up to the manga equivalent, which is around chapter 125 or thereabouts). There is, however, one manga spoiler in here from chapter 165 (which, if you’ve read the chapter, you’ll know why it was unavoidable, seeing as it pertains directly to the subject at hand). It is not in any way a plot spoiler; it’s basically a single line from one of the characters, and the details regarding where and when that line is said are irrelevant, so I’ve left that out. So if you are anime-only, it’s up to you whether you want to skip this post or not, but that will be the only spoiler in here.

So now that I’m on my third attempt, I’ve done a bit more thinking on how I want to approach this. Basically, I think the problem I kept running up against before is that as far as I can see, there are two ways to look at this. The first is by looking at the author’s intent. “Okay, the scene is clearly presented in the context of humor and is a classic example of the well-established Tough Love style of anime parenting (see also: Izumi from FMA, Reborn from KHR, Isshin from Bleach, etc.) and not meant to be taken in an overly deep way. The scene immediately afterward with her ruffling Katsuki’s hair and thanking Aizawa for his understanding and mentioning her worry and relief during and after the kidnapping and asking his teachers to help guide him is meant to serve as a contrast to the violence and shouting and insults to show that contrary to that initial impression, she loves and cares about him just like any other mother. The scene is meant as a lighthearted way of showing where Bakugou inherited his loud and angry temperament from, and kind of jokingly implying that he’s more or less just a clone of his mom.”

Whereas the other approach is to look at what the author is actually portraying. “It doesn’t matter if it was intended to be a joke or not; she is abusive. She smacks him repeatedly for basically no reason, and screams at him and insults him to this degree even when there are other people present. Perhaps more disturbingly, she implies that him being kidnapped was his own fault, because he was ‘weak.’ Later on we learn that he genuinely believes this and has internalized it, and blames himself not only for getting kidnapped, but for what it led to with All Might losing his powers as a consequence. Even further down the line, Bakugou makes a throwaway remark to the effect of ‘[violence is] how I was raised.’ This implies that it wasn’t just a one-time thing and that his mother is like this all the time, to the point where violence is basically the norm for him and he doesn’t even realize how fucked up it is.”

So those are basically the two perspectives here. And for me, I realized that the problem that I had was that both of these perspectives are valid. At least I think they are. If I were to try to argue the former -- which was my first instinct -- I would in all likelihood have to try and refute the latter. And honestly, I don’t think I would be able to do that, because that argument is a completely valid argument. Not to mention I don’t have much of a leg to stand on as far as trying to argue that Horikoshi’s intentions matter more than his end results, because if you’ve read any of my recaps, you know that this is basically the one and only time I’ve ever said that, lol. I’ve never particularly cared about his harmless intentions when it comes to Mineta, or overly sexualized teenage girls, or Ochako being comically poor, or any of the other topics I’ve occasionally bitched about. So it seems a bit hypocritical for me to suddenly start arguing that now.

So I won’t. Instead, I’m going to go ahead and acknowledge that it’s a valid interpretation. Regardless of what Horikoshi was going for, if you’re looking solely at the end result, then yeah. What he showed us can definitely be taken as abuse. I don’t think it’s an overreaction, and there is a lot to back it up.

That being acknowledged, what I’m going to talk about instead is why I have such a strong desire in this case to ignore the clumsy way the relationship is presented in canon, and to instead view the relationship the way I believe it’s intended to come across. Why do I so badly want for Bakugou to have a (more or less) healthy relationship with his parents? Why does the idea of him having a bad home life leave such a bad taste in my mouth?

And I think this is what it is: one of the key things that draws me to Bakugou’s character is that he doesn’t have A Tragic Past. There’s this tendency in shounen manga to give virtually every important character a sad backstory (looking at you in particular, Naruto and One Piece), with the level of tragedy gradually escalating as the series goes on, until you get to a point where the fandom is literally having debates over whose past is the most tragic. And this has kind of indirectly given rise to several beliefs that I often see articulated and/or implied in fandom:

That there must always be some observable external reason for a character’s personality and temperament, rather than that just being who they are.

That there is a direct correlation between the severity of a character’s past and the validity of that character’s actions. In other words, the person with the more tragic backstory has the moral upper hand in any dispute, simply because they’ve been through more bad shit.

That a character’s potential for redemption is directly tied to how sad their backstory is.

I see this all the time, and not just in shounen fandom for that matter. The basic idea seems to be that if bad things have happened to a character in the past, then it means any bad things they themselves have done are not their fault, and they should be forgiven and given a second chance. The thing is, I’ve always disliked this way of thinking, because to me it strays from what I think is the most crucial element of any redemption arc: taking responsibility. 

Redemption, to me, shouldn’t simply be about whether we feel sorry for the character, or whether they have suffered enough and been punished enough for whatever it is they did, or even whether or not they had a good reason for it. To me, it’s about one thing and one thing only: is the character trying to be better. Do they want to change? Are they making the same mistakes over and over, or are they actually learning and trying to grow? 

To me, redemption is an active process. It’s something the character has to seek out themselves. It’s not something that’s granted to them (key difference here between “redemption” and “forgiveness”), nor does it matter whether or not anyone else thinks they deserve it. For me, at least, it’s simply a matter of whether or not the character is willing to take responsibility for their mistakes, and whether they actually take action toward becoming better.

That being said, this is the main problem I have with the “Mitsuki is abusive” line of thinking: from what I have observed (and not always, mind you, but often enough), this headcanon tends to overlap with the idea that Bakugou’s violent behavior is not his fault, and that he’s only like that because of the way he was raised. In some cases I’ve seen it taken even further than that, with basically Bakugou’s entire backstory basically being rewritten to make him out as just a poor traumatized kid who would never have abused Izuku if it wasn’t for Mitsuki’s abuse, and so the blame actually falls on her and not him. And that, right there, is probably the biggest problem I have with this. That shifting of the blame. Making it so that Bakugou is absolved of responsibility for his own shitty actions, because it turns out that he was just a victim too. 

And actually, it’s even more than that: it’s also the implied suggestion that this is the only way he can be redeemed. That he only qualifies for redemption if he had a good reason for his actions. That we can only feel sorry for him if he’s not to blame for the mistakes that he made, and if it Wasn’t His Fault.

And damn it, but I just take so much issue with this. Because to me, ironically enough, this narrative robs Bakugou of the agency that I personally believe is key to him getting the redemption arc he actually deserves. Does that make sense? Basically, I want Bakugou’s mistakes to be acknowledged as his own mistakes. Because they are. I want him to be able to take ownership of them and to realize what he did wrong. I want him to learn from those mistakes and to grow as a person because of them. I don’t want it to be all “oh sweetie it’s okay, it’s not your fault.” I want it to be “oh fuck, I really screwed up, and I hate the way I feel now because of it, and I never want to feel this way again, so I’m going to do better.” 

Because that’s the only way that real change actually happens. When it comes from within, from the character’s own desire to change. I don’t want a “he was never really bad, just misunderstood” narrative; I want “he fucked up, but he is learning from it, and he is growing.” That’s what I want.

So that, I think, is why the whole thing bothers me so much, and why I just can’t get behind the idea. Again, I won’t deny that the evidence is there. I just choose to interpret it another way. And it is just that: a choice. It’s a conscious choice to read between the lines and to add my own headcanons where necessary and insert little justifications and explanations for things when needed. 

Because to me, Bakugou having grown up in a supportive -- if chaotic -- household is important. It’s important because it shows that even people who grew up in healthy environments with no obvious trauma can fuck up regardless. And those people are still worthy of redemption.

I hope that all makes sense. (Particularly since if it doesn’t, I've just gone and pissed a whole bunch of people off, probably.) Anyways. So with all that being said, I’ll wrap this up with a list of my own personal headcanons about Mitsuki’s and Katsuki’s relationship.

First and foremost, if any of you have ever seen Malcolm in the Middle, I can very easily sum this all up by just saying that Mitsuki = Lois and Katsuki = Malcolm, Francis, and Reese all rolled up into one. That’s it. That’s the dynamic, right there.

But if you haven’t seen MitM, basically what I’m saying is that Katsuki is a precocious little brat who’s headstrong and rebellious and extremely independent and prone to only learning things the hard way, and Mitsuki is the stern and stubborn mom who is still caring and loving but also overbearing and aggressive. The two of them are always butting heads because they’re both extremely prideful and view themselves as always being right, and because Mitsuki’s overbearing tendencies clash directly with Katsuki’s independent streak.

Mitsuki actually is right more often than she’s not, which only fuels her own stubbornness as well at Katsuki’s teenage resentment towards her. She spent a lot of time when he was younger just trying to keep him from setting the house (and himself) on fire, and because he hardly ever listens, the two of them end up getting into a lot of screaming matches with each other, and nowadays that’s just kind of their dynamic and they’re just used to it.

She doesn’t actually think he’s weak, and she only said that because she knows that’s one of the few insults that rankles him enough to actually make him listen, and she was trying to get him to hush up and be respectful to his teachers, who were guests in their home and also his teachers, one of whom just saved his life and the other of whom defended his honor in a nationally broadcast press conference. And also this was part of the whole Japanese culture of being overly humble, and since she knew he was never gonna do it, she was kind of doing it for him. You know, like “thank you so much for saving me, I apologize for inconveniencing you.” Even though it wasn’t actually his fault.

He didn’t internalize the guilt about All Might because of what she said. I honestly think he barely even processed what she said because they’re always just yelling bullshit insults at each other that don’t actually really mean anything. He’s always been terrified of being weak precisely because he never has been. It’s the unknown. He wouldn’t know what to do if he wasn’t strong. It’s a fear he’s always had, and one that had been secretly growing stronger since he first started at U.A. What happened to All Might simply exacerbated that fear. It was already there, and he’d just kept it hidden for a very long time. His mom didn’t put the idea into his head, and never would have said it if she had even the slightest inkling that her cocky, arrogant, loudmouthed, forceful son was secretly harboring insecurities about that very thing.

Any violence in their household is the comedic shounen type of violence where no one is actually hurt in any way. But mostly it’s just loud.

They are so used to this being Just The Way Things Are that ironically, Katsuki would have been much more unsettled if, after he returned home following the kidnapping, his mom had been tender and affectionate. Mitsuki, being a smart mom, picked up on this, so in an effort to make him less uncomfortable, she took deliberate care to behave The Same As Always around him so that he could feel more normal. In fact she was actually still very freaked out herself for days afterward, much more so than she let on (because she’s just as bad at showing vulnerability as he is).

It actually helped. He will never ever acknowledge this out loud, but he realized what she was doing, and he’s grateful.

And I could go on and on, but I think this more or less summarizes how I view the two of them. They basically have their own language by this point, where phrases like “fuck you too” mean “I love you”, and so forth. She loves him to death and worries about him constantly and is so, so proud of him. He loves her too and she doesn’t piss him off nearly as much as he pretends, and he would be devastated beyond words if anything were to ever happen to her. He actually thinks she’s the strongest person he knows, maybe even tougher than All Might, and he would never, ever say this out loud.

Sooo... yeah. I’m trying to think of a good way to end this post now, but I can’t think of anything lol. I think I’ve said everything I wanted to. Tl;dr, I’ve made a conscious decision to view Mitsuki as a highly combative but loving parent to her troublesome tsundere son because I want Katsuki to man up and take responsibility for his own shit, because I love him. The end.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bakugou mitsuki #bakugou katsuki #makeste reads bnha #character rant #essay #bnha essay #bnha meta #I was going to post this tomorrow along with chapter 165 #but I was getting anxious about it and couldn't wait any longer lol #because it is such a divisive topic #so basically I'm just ripping the band-aid off and posting this now before I lose my nerve #bakugou meta

[arkus-rhapsode]

Ok. So what do you think of the latest chapters of fairy tail 100 years quests? What what's happening to characters? I think you're so possed that you even stopped reading more

Hoo boy... *Cracks knuckles* We may be here for a while.

So before I start, let me make clear that I actually keep up with 100YQ, though not for any actual interest anymore. I now stay with it for ironic enjoyment. Because I could say EZ has dumb stuff, but at this point, if you’re Hiro Mashima’s main audience, its fine. No, 100YQ is unique in that it has WTF moments that transcend just the FT fandom sensibilities.

Before I dig in, I’m gonna lay out some formatting rules because we’re cover A LOT. Im gonna be fair and split this up into positive and negative aspects of the series. Because I at least try to be intellectually in what I do.

To avoid from going on tangents and jumping around, I’m gonna be going in chronological order of events. Now this will not be an overview of the series up to this point because that’s stuff I’ve already talked about. Instead I’m gonna start from the point this went from genuine interest to ironic interest. That begin the Whited Out FT Guild.

Positives:

The concept of the wood dragon god having a kingdom on his back is really cool world building. Its actually something that I really liked about the Sea Dragon God as well. Having a realm reliant on the dragon as well as a reason to revere them. What with the water dragon god controlling the tides while wood dragon god is the supporting the city on his back actually makes them seem like god figures and adds to the lore of the world of Earthland in a way that Ishgar and Alvarez sorely failed at.

Laxus punching out Kyria. Petty yes, as Kyria is my least favorite dragon slayer. However a lot of Whited out FT mages were getting jobbered like crazy or just given unceremonious defeats. So Laxus actually seeming like an obstacle was good.

The cat twist with Touka is actually a funny bit of trolling and was one of the few times there was effective foreshadowing with Touka having a tail. (Too bad it was suck in the meandering Gajeel plot.)

The Dragon Eater guild is a much better final villain army than Spriggan 12. The 12 had little structure as to who was the stronger members, resulting in multiple Spriggans feeling like such major disappointments.

Most Mashima Villain organizations tend to broken up like this: Boss->Special Units (I.E Spriggan 12, Nine Demon Gates, Element 4)->Fodder Units.

No one cares when the fodder of a villain group is beaten as they’re just faceless minions. However, when you get to the special unit, that’s wheen there are actual obstacles and the villains start becoming more like characters. However, Hiro has been bad at this when he’s dealing with bigger organizations.

He never had to worry about telling you which member of the villain group’s special unit were more powerful than the others. Due to working with units composed of low amounts of characters, such as Team Lyon, Element 4, and Death’s Head.

You could say that all were roughly around the same power threshold. However, where the spriggan 12 royally failed was there were 12 of them in that unit and they were all just given the blanket term of being on the same level of the number 1 wizard saint. Yeah... that’s a check so large that Hiro could not cash it.

Hiro even seemed to retroactively acknowledge this by stating that August, Irene, and Larcarde were the three best to cover his ass for the fact that all the spriggans seemed to be jobbered far easier than ones supposedly equal to the number 1 saint.

However, the Dragon Eaters are opponents we’re gradually introduced to over the storyline and we actually see a demonstration of what a group of them can do, instead of 1 just trying take on all of team Natsu at once. We see that Skullion’s team is roughly equal to Team Natsu, giving us a gauge for the Dragon Eater strength, but then we get both Wraith and Nebal, underlings not part of Skullion’s thre man team, implying that are of a weaker variety and thus serving as a stepping stone to fight Skullion. But also introducing us to the Black Dragon Slayer Cavalry. Members above Skullion’s team that give us an idea if when they show up what the audience should expect of their strength level.

There’s a reason why in One Piece why Yonkou opperations have so many categories. You’re not gonna care about the minor thugs, but by making a distinction between the Headliners and the Disasters in Kaidou’s crew, you’ve made it so that we the audience will not feel disappointed if a Headliner is beat by a weaker character like say Usopp but still know that they are more than a foot soldier so this win meant something.

Now time for the negatives:

The concept of White Out is not awful, and is actually a fairly interesting concept for a villain motivation in FT. However, the White Witch is one of the most transparently evil characters in the series, thus you know that she’s doing this morally ambiguous action because she’s evil. Imagine if this were about humans or royals who feared the growing power of mages. Or a disillusioned mage with the concept of people like Zeref or the GMG, where is seems like magic is endless and how that’s a threat to the world. No, White Witch really seems like she wants to be this grand manipulator and actively enjoys calling heer whited out people, puppets.

However, there’s also the fact the whiting out doesn’t make too much sense. Some characters seem like mind controlled puppets like Juvia, while others are basically the same except their evil now like Gajeel, Mira, Elfman, Laxus. And some are dumb jokes like Jellal.

So there’s no consistency to this brainwashing. Only other time I’ve seen a mind control plot like that in media before is Yugioh GX. Sometimes people act like they’ve been brainwashed into something different like Alexis. But then people like Bastion and a lot of the gag members of the society like Rose and Bob act as if they’re not affected by anything.

Yeah, this white witch plot feels distractedly ripped off from the society of Light from Yugioh GX.

The concept of Team Natsu vs FT in the vain of the fighting festival arc is dumb narratively from two standpoints. First from a story standpoint in the idea that why the battle of FT arc was opportunity, due to the fact they were all willing to fight to free the frozen girls. Which allowed for others to show shades to their motivations Like Alzack willing to mow through his other comrades for Bisca or Thunder God Tribe assisting in protecting Laxus so he’s the last man standing. There’s a tangible reward on th line that motivates the characters to act as do.

Here, the characters are clearly fighting against their will because of an intangible force. This white magic makes them slaves and are fighting because “white doctrine.” Something they only believeebecause brainwashing. As such, you want to see Natsu and gang beat them up to stop the white witch and free them. There’s no force or intrigue that makes the audience care about both sides like seeing Alzack vs Jet and Droy because you know they both want to save their partners but only one can. Instead people only care because a surface level of “friend turned evil” device. It takes the B and C list cast of the FT guild and makes them props.

And from a meta standpoint, there is no tension, due to the fact this is a post final battle with acnologia Team Natsu. The team is bounds ahead of so many guild members like Macao, Reedus, Max etc. that the only real threat is the S class mages. So that makes that big page spread of evil FT in cult robes dull as only like 3 of them are gonna actually matter.

Then there’s Wraith. Nebal was a boring an generic crazy guy is unimpressive, Wriath was actually really interesting at first. Is ghost magic allowed for an interesting fight and his possession actually having limitations on how effective it was made for a cool skill.

But then the reveal about him and Makarov. I eye-rolled at that point, but then I saw the previews and was like, maybe this’ll be the best thing to come out of this series. Everyone wants to know more about past FT around team Makarov’s time.

But all the potential of young Makarov and young Porylusica and the rest of their team is put on fast forward as they’re all suddenly thinking about leaving. But maybe the reveal with Wraith could be interesting. I saw a lot of good theories like Wraith was Makarov’s half brother or Wraith was the son of Makarov and Porylusica who was killed by Ivan.

Well... Any theory would’ve been better than Wraith was some random ass mage and when they say he a Makarov are related its because the bonds of FT that is real family and transcends death itself.

...Gag me...

And and Wraith just fucks off into the afterlife. Because we can’t actually end a fight because of the protagonist’s ingenuity. No, the villain just kills themselves because feels. Isn’t that right August and Irene?

In conclusion

That’s my thoughts as briefly and coherent as I could make them. So if you wanna know my feelings on 100YQ, it can basically be summed in FT being FT. If you expected more, you’re gonna be disappointed. But if you genuinely love the world and character regardless of Hiro’s writing, you’ll probably still enjoy it regardless of what I’m saying

[killthebxy]

i have so many mixed feelings about the season finale.

so.

many.

mixed.

feelings.

and i don’t really know where to start... so i think i’ll start at the end. and i’ll start by making a separation in my analysis.

1. if we look at s08 ep6 on its own

          i’ve been writing Jon Snow since January 24th, 2017. s07 happened during April-May 2017, if i remember well? which means, some of you who’ve been with me from the start of my blog have watched me watching s07; have watched my reactions and my opinions and my rants. ever since then, i have been very open and very vocal about how much i loathed the idea of Jon as the rightful heir to the Iron Throne, and Jon eventually sitting this throne as king --- those of you who’ve followed me for less time also likely know this very well, because gods know i never shut up about it. so, considering the finale that Jon had... someone might tell me: you must be very happy! and, well... i am very happy. i was not made to see Jon sitting the throne. i was not made to see everyone call him Agony and hail him and glorify him. i got to see him wearing his black cloak again and returned to where he belongs --- away from thrones and kings and queens, away from the ungrateful northern lords, making peace with the free folk. hell, i even got to see him hugging Ghost, imagine. who would have thought, Jon Snow loves his soulmate more than his own life. sarcasm aside... yesterday, i told a couple of you that i had two final, very little requests of ep6: i wanted to see Jon crying (because i had read the leaks, and thus i knew what to expect) and i wanted to see those beautiful curls freed from the bun. and i got this. i got to see, FINALLY, after weeks, Jon Snow and not Agony Targaryen. loyal to the end, struggling with the cruel decision he had to make, quoting master Aemon, accepting his fate, doing his duty no matter the cost --- as he once did with Ygritte. if we look at this episode only, i got everything i ever hoped for, and for this i am grateful. and yet...

2. we cannot look at s08 ep6 on its own

          and this is where it all begins and ends. because ep6 does not exist on its own. does not exist in a void. nothing of what happened came out of spontaneous generation. Dany wasn’t suddenly the mad queen. Tyrion wasn’t suddenly clever again. Grey Worm wasn’t suddenly thirsty for blood and revenge. Jon Snow wasn’t suddenly Jon Snow and not Agony Targaryen. and this is why everything in this season is irredeemable to me, no matter how much i loved Jon’s finale if we look at it objectively and pragmatically.

          do you know why i love George’s writing so much? it’s not for the prose --- very honestly, 90% of the persons i roleplay with write better than him. it’s not completely for the storyline, either, though it is amazing --- very honestly, some of the book chapters are boring and long and fillers and with descriptions and details that no one cares about. i love George’s writing, however, for his absolutely brilliant talent to manage such a vast universe. he’s got so many major characters, thrice as many minor characters, even more characters that only appear at the end of the books, listed as part of the great houses and such. the experience of reading A Song of Ice and Fire, and least for me, was that --- you get to a point you lose track of what’s going on, exactly because there is SO MUCH going on. so many characters, so many stories, so many destinies. and i remember myself often asking: how the hell will some of this make sense in the end, this is huge and so complex. and then... then you get to A Dance with Dragons... and, fuck, it does make sense. ALL of it starts tying together. all the details, all the little plot twists, all the symbolism, all the foreshadowing --- it all comes around and ties together, it all makes sense. all these many, many parts come together in a whole --- and this is why i praise George so much. this is why i admire his writing so much. because, even if i am upset with some choices, it all makes sense. it all is fluid, coherent, so pleasing to read and to follow and so goddamn captivating.

          and then you look at s07 and especially s08... and you find nothing of this. where George does kill a lot of characters, he keeps the bulk of them and considers all of them --- and D&D simply kill them all off for not having any better use for them. where George writes intricate, complex, layered characters and 99% of them are purely made of grey areas and grey morals and so very few are completely good or completely evil --- and D&D turned them completely flat, shallow, predictable, cliché, borderline boring if not downright so. where George named this the world of ice and fire and makes it so that the big, overarching theme is flawed, very different humans trying to gather together to survive the common, legendary foe --- D&D were done with the Long Night in like 40 minutes, and the only thing dark about it was the terrible lighting that makes iconing ep3 a nightmare. and i could go on, but i think i’ve made my point. D&D haven’t the 10th of George’s talent --- and, hey, i can accept this. -i- don’t have the 10th of George’s talent for sure, and very few people in this world have the 10th of George’s talent when it comes to tying together such a huge, deep, complex plot. and i can live with this. i could live with predictable, cliché writing in s07, and still be able to enjoy it at least half the time. i wasn’t happy, but i was content.

          but s08? well. s08, the way i see it, was simply two things: 1) D&D trying to be George and trying to go for plot twists and trying to make a bittersweet ending of some sort... and then 2) D&D realizing they are as far from George as the Earth is from Pluto, and going fuck it we’ll resolve everything based on shock value. and i wish i was joking or exaggerating or being sarcastic --- but they have stated this themselves and are proud of it, apparently. you only have to google it and you’ll easily find it. these two gentlemen looked at, say, Daenerys, and asked themselves: we want her to be the mad queen in the end, what can we do to lead to this outcome? and they did it. it’s as simple and as linear as this. and literally everything and everyone, logic and common sense included, gets thrown under the rubble for the sake of making this happen. and this is why i have zero respect and zero credits for them, at the end of all things, even if i did love Jon’s finale when i look at it isolated from everything else.

because.

          yes, Jon Snow, the honorable man with a good, kind, merciful heart who does whatever needs to be done for the sake of his people, no matter the toll it takes on himself. check, this is the Jon i know and love. Jon Snow, not a glorified savior who succeeds where everyone else fails, not Azor Ahai reborn, but a tool, an instrument used to bring salvation --- Lightbringer itself. check, this is the Jon i know and love. Jon Snow, who was never destined for a happy ending, carrying the guilt and suffering the consequences of his decisions. check, this is the Jon i know and love. but what happened before this? what about everything that led him to this? 

          book!Jon and show!Jon were always different, this isn’t a new thing. even during seasons 1-5, where the show followed the book canon for the most part (at least in Jon’s case), they were already different. show!Jon has a lot more personal agency, in that he chooses to do a lot of the things he does --- while book!Jon tends to get sucked into the whole ordeal, and he tries to navigate it as well as he can. for an example: show!Jon offered himself to go with Qhorin Halfhand, book!Jon was chosen by Qhorin and caught by surprise and even lord commander Mormont was like ????. another example: show!Jon sends Grenn to hold the gate against Mag the Mighty and brings on himself the responsibility of commanding the Wall during the attack, book!Jon gets command imposed on him by Donal Noye and then again in the morning by master Aemon. again, i could go on and on, but i have made my point. regarding all this, while i do prefer book!Jon, i never hated show!Jon. some parts, even, like the battle at Hardhome, i honestly loved and i wish i could get that POV in the books.

          now, s06... post-revival. this is where the books-show rift happens for good, as they ran out of source material. very sincerely, i did not watch s06 as a whole --- i only watched Jon’s scenes. so if you ask me what was going on otherwise, i don’t know and i don’t really regret this choice. s06 Jon is a sort of limbo for me, because i cannot say if his portrayal was good or bad. clearly, this is when he starts making stupid decisions and being far more reckless, but... as mentioned, this is post-revival. this is a man who was stabbed in the heart by his own sworn brothers, who got wrenched back out of the grave, who immediately got told: hey you gotta keep fighting and you gotta start by going and reclaiming Winterfell and saving your little brother. given this context, can i judge him for not being himself? i can’t and i never did, which is why i accepted s06 (again, re: Jon Snow only) for what it was. and i was content with it, even if the revelation of his parentage for show!canon did not impress me.

          s07. this coincided with the birth and infancy of my blog, and honestly i was so excited to get to share this experience with everyone --- and this much was absolutely amazing. i was writing my Master’s thesis back then and i had a lot more free time, so i was able to stay up late and watch it live... and, boy, was that a ride. i had so much fun back then, and all of it thanks to my beautiful followers and friends who were there to live through this with me. but as far as the season itself went... yeah, that was the beginning of the end. because, unlike s06, Jon didn’t have excuses anymore to be stupid and reckless. and yet he still was. he still just grabbed a bunch of sturdy men and ventured into the fucking Frostfangs in the middle of winter without even bringing 1 (one) horse, just to name the most blatant of stupid examples. and the whole glorified superhero savior vibe? my good beans, i wrote a meta with 4000+ words to justify why that frozen lake scene was total bullshit and why Jon did die his second death there --- exactly out of spite for how much i hated it. how much i hated that D&D were turning the boy i love into a commercial protagonist who does the impossible and suffers no consequences and gets to have everyone else’s portrayal tossed under the wreck for the sake of glorifying him further. Rickon was already a plot device, Benjen Stark was a plot device, and i had the sinking feeling it would not stop there. s07 had bad and lazy writing, was terribly rushed and with very little character development, was pointing towards a very obvious and very cliché ending: Jon & Dany, the power couple, sitting the throne, having a baby, living happily ever after.

          and today... today i ask myself: how can you fuck up a plot so much, to the point where i wish i was made to see this cliché, predictable ending instead? i spent a year and a half whining about how much i did not want to see Jon sitting the throne... only to now look at the finale and be like --- sweet summer child, what did you know of fear. because, hey, yes, Jon was reborn from his ashes and Agony was cast aside and he got exactly the endgame i prayed for --- but at what cost? to get here, i had to see ALL the northern lords and half his family spitting on him for his decision to bend the knee. to get here, i had to see him literally say: it’s true, my name is Aegon Targayen. to get here, i had to see him avoiding Dany and not having the balls to talk to her about it until the very last moment. i had to see him plan the defenses of Winterfell like a complete stupid idiot who has no clue what he is doing. i had to see him forgetting Ghost is his soulmate. i was even deprived of the thing i love more in Kit’s acting, which is fighting on the ground --- for the sake of an epic dragon battle, yes, but that by rights he should not have survived. i was denied a one-on-one battle with the Night King, no matter who’d win and no matter who’d get to destroy the NK in the end. i got an epic moment of him roaring back at an undead dragon, yes, but what came in the next episodes got me to the point of headcanoning that he died during that moment. i had to see him not even mourn Edd’s death and going for Lyanna Mormont gods know why, who openly questioned and defied him. i had to see him being the by-the-book definition of a douchebag who sits drinking with friends and completely ignoring his girl who’d just lost one of her closest loved ones and was so clearly dissociating throughout that entire feast. i had to see him being described as so stupid that he obviously bent the knee for love and Dany was going to play him like a fiddle. i had to see him practically being made to choose between his family and the girl he loves. I HAD TO SEE HIM ABANDONING GHOST. i had to see him, again, pull away from Dany when she needed him most --- and, yes, in show!canon it is incest and all that, but you don’t have to fuck or kiss the girl you love to be there for her. i was denied, again, 1 (one) decent fighting scene on the ground because all he did at KL was to cut down a few soldiers with a few basic slashes.

          and, very frankly, what bothers and disgusts me the most out of all of this hellhole... i had to see character after character ruined, completely ruined in their essence, for the sake of stating: hey Jon Snow is a good guy! Rhaegal, who had to be butchered for the sake of triggering Dany and also because Dany and Jon and Tyrion were too stupid to remember Euron’s fleet still existed.  Missandei, who had to be butchered in chains for the sake of triggering Dany. Grey Worm, who had to be metaphorically butchered and turned into a blood-thirsty savage longing for blind revenge for the sake of Agony Targaryen, our lord and savior, being the merciful savior who claims pity for unarmed men. the women of King’s Landing, who had to be raped by northern soldiers, again for the sake of Agony being the good guy who saves one of them. and at the end of the day... Daenerys Targaryen. the little girl who wanted to go home and return to her house with a red door. who was exiled and sold and raped and harassed and humiliated and abused and betrayed and used and objectified. who made terrible choices more than once, yes and i erase none of them, but who made them with a good intention and who paid the price of said choices --- like Jon himself did, like we all, flawed human beings, do. the strong, willful, kind woman who heard Jon’s plea for help and went to save him and his men beyond the Wall and who lost one of her children for it. the queen who wanted to break the wheel and to make this world a better place. the breaker of shackles. Mhysa. she, who was never her father. reduced to this, for the sake of making Jon Snow the good honorable man who does his duty even at expense of his own interest and his own happiness.

          dear Mr. Daniel B. Weiss and dear Mr. David Benioff: do you know since when Jon Snow is a good honorable man who does his duty even at expense of his own interest and his own happiness? since always. since 283 AC. since far, far before you got your incompetent, untalented hands on him. and he never needed to be shown as one --- he was one. without the need to sacrifice 90% of the plot and the characters to make him seem so. he IS so. and this is why i’ll never forgive you, even if you did give me exactly the finale i wanted. because what you did to him, in order to bring him here? honestly, you deserve no redemption. ever. and if there is one thing that makes me extremely, utterly, earnestly happy today, it is that never again you will touch him. Jon Snow belongs to George, and he belongs to me, and he belongs to every beautiful talented roleplayer who writes him, and he belongs to every beautiful talented roleplayer who writes muses who interact with him. never to you, again. and for this i thank the old gods of the forest. today, Jon Snow is finally at rest. and, as of today, i can finally stop writing out of spite --- and return to writing because i love this boy.

#GOT spoilers #anti GOT #long post #「ᵐᵉᵗᵃ ᵗᵃᵍ」ᵗʰᵉ ᶜʳᵒʷ ᶤˢ ᵗʰᵉ ʳᵃᵛᵉᶰ'ˢ ᵖᵒᵒʳ ᶜᵒᵘˢᶤᶰ #i tried my best to be concise #...and i clearly failed #and i tried my best to make sense and to put my thoughts into words clearly #but guys #i am all over the place #so if anyone wants to ask questions #would like me to better explain/explore some topic in particular #please feel free to send me asks about it! #and/or IMs #i will possibly be slow in replying but i will definitely get to everything <3