#nobody would miss me

[bolontiku]

Eat shit.eat shit. Eat shit and smile. Eat some more shit. Wash, rinse, and repeat.

#chaos journal #im so tired #i wish i could just #disappear #nobody would miss me #its one of the bad days

[a-broken-worthless-monster]

It's somewhat just hitting me as I walk out of my room at 4am that cookie is gone for good...

They were a pet and if I'm being honest, I never feel that close to pets but they were around for years and years... now they're gone, I don't have that little companion who wanders out sleepily in the morning to sit with me or comes and lays beside me at my computer and gives company of some sort.

I don't selfishly have that little piece of my life in the house to share with others, which is one of the only things I could share that was nice for people. That makes me feel a little more worthless too.

I don't like losing things, even when I'm undeserving of anything nice...

I took what might be last ever picture for an important person that is probably only mostly important from my end, I wish my long gone bestfriend got to see them too.

I got to say bye though when they were sent off to be put down peacefully, I just sat at my computer playing my games normally, just being a waste of life, hoping that I was at least doing helpful stuff on a server for friends.

I wish I could be numb to loss of any kind but truthfully, how can I be if I can't even be over what I've already lost years before...

I only deserve to lose things.

I doubt me being gone would impact anyone even a little... I've already been removed from others forcefully before, nobody valued gets that done to them.

#Personal #I'm Worthless #I'm Selfish #I'm A Monster #I'm Horrible #I'm Hideous #I'm Sorry #I Miss You #nobody would miss me #I'm Unloveable

[soggypotatoes]

I think it's just genuinely so difficult for me to comprehend that people are affected by me attempting suicide

like, the first time, when I was 11, I told my dad a few days later and he said that's normal... a few other times, my suicidal feelings were brushed aside, and even tho I've lost someone to suicide and I fully understand how much it changes you and how painful it was I just can't, on a deep level, understand that it would affect other people like that if I died? it's that.. understanding it rationally but not emotionally. I still don't rly take seriously the fact that I attempted a month ago and almost succeeded. if they hadn't called the ambulance, I might not be here. my therapist keeps trying to convince me on a deep level that it matters and that people around me would rather me take up their time than take up their whole lives (for a while) by dying. it's so hard to understand!

#ed mumbles #like i dont feel affected that much #also despite my dad doing this thing #when i was little #where hed hug me and tell me #nobody would miss me #over and over again #and id be upset bc didnt he think id miss him? #but also numb to it #and knowing that he wasnt thinking abt how him saying that affected me #i rmb the last time he did that cause instead of comforting him #i awkwardly left lol #and he didnt do it again #anyway yeah #i know how it feels to be told by someone you love that they dont think youll miss them #why do i do the same thing to my friends?

[night-thinkerb]

I’m thinking of ignoring everyone but then i would be lonelier.

#lonely #ignore #nobody would miss me #nobody cares #mine #buh #fml #sorry

[remolupini]

.

#I'm having the worst day mental health wise in a long time #first the comment #then my assignment that is due in a week and for the onky idea I have the guy is not answering to say when he's fine to be interviewed #and I failed the first assignment in this class because I submitted the file wrong #and every says first year doesn't matter but I don't want to fucking fail #but it's been so hard convincing myself to go to class #and to buy food #I've been eating sort of #but it's all been so hard #and I don't want the take away from all this to be that I can't do it on my on #that I somehow was doing better at home #and then on here #obviously don't take it to be indicative to how I feel in all facets of life #but on here #in this fandom #excluding rem and only rem #if I stopped posting #if I pulled all my fics #nobody would miss me #nobody even knows I exist #which is even worse

[takethelx3]

Ah shit, here we go again

#art #eyestrain #eye-strain #eye strain #tw: eyestrain #just making sure to catch it #anyway I feel so unreal #I feel inhuman and like I don't exist #I don't rly want to exist because I'm exhausted but why must I have to TRY in order to exist yk? #why do I have to work hard to be noticeable or memorable #if I disappeared tomorrow #nobody would look for me #nobody would miss me #they might wonder where I went briefly but #they won't make any effort to come looking for me #i just feel so alone #it's empty #I'm hollow and there's nothing I can do because people can tell when I talk to them #I fill the space with words so nobody can hear the echoes inside my chest where the soul is #they can tell I'm not human #and they don't care to know more #when someone who speaks to you is like this why would you even want to yk #rant #vent art

[inkskinned]

one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.

one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.

i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.

the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.

my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.

i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.

#writeblr #i was doing a lot with high school students. over and over again #other teachers kept asking me what i was doing differently - why the kids listened to me. i am not particularly foreboding #and i have a pretty firm personal policy of never reacting in anger #godhelpme. #i was always kind of taken aback #because in general the kids were pretty easy. i explained i needed to keep everything “PG-13” because this was my workplace #and it was kind of their workplace #too. besides #i love swearing #and since i couldn't swear #neither could they - so if they were going to say “fuck” or become violent #they needed to choose a really specific time #because we only get “the one”.. sure enough - nobody wanted to waste the one very specific “fuck” utterance. kids listened. #i think just because - that rule makes sense. the kids understand that i don't want to be unfair to them #that censorship is stupid #but that i'm under these rules too so like let's ride it out together #also i look young and tbh between me and u nobody wants to make the nice english teacher cry #the way these kids defended me to their friends was really genuinely so heartwarming bc the Grouchy Frat Boy #would be like MISS RAQUEL DOESN'T DESERVE THAT KIND OF AN ATTITUDE BRO DON'T TALK BACK TO HER

[yourlocalabomination]

This is Hatchetfield, People go missing everyday!

#whatever you do don’t imagine Pete in the library creating and printing out missing posters because nobody else will look for his brother :) #Do you think when I die and reach the pearly gates Gods gonna confront me about spending 74 hours bbg’ing a homeless man? #if I had a Time Machine I wouldn’t go and try to fix things with the first girl I fell in love with who also ended up ghosting me - fuck her #Instead I would go back 4 1/2 years and tell 14yr me I would be creating fanart of the homeless guy in the musical I just discovered #I wanna know how that would go - ‘Isn’t Ted our favourite character?’ ‘hahaha ABOUT THAT-‘ #ted spankoffski #theodore spankoffski #starkid #starkid fanart #team starkid #starkid productions #the guy who didn't like musicals #tgwdlm #tgwdlm starkid #tgwdlm fanart #black friday #black friday fanart #black friday starkid #time bastard #starkid time bastard #nightmare time #starkid nightmare time #hatchetfield nightmare time #time bastard nightmare time #hatchetfield #hatchetverse #hatchetfield universe #nmt #fanart #my art

[choccy-milky]

THANK YOU ALL FOR THIS TRULY MOMENTOUS OCCASION!😭💖💖💖

#ive legit been camping at my follower count WAITING so that i could get the screenshot #i was so scared id miss it while i was sleeping last night i would have cried LMAO #now nobody ever unfollow me or follow me ever again

[arthursfuckinghat]

I'm at that part of chapter three my friends, so let me be a reminder that Colm O'Driscoll's plan to lure in Dutch after taking Arthur failed because nobody came looking for him.

He would have died being held captive any longer, he barely escaped.

The gang did not come for Arthur.

#and it makes me seethe #listen in my first playthrough this was the part I thought Arthur was going to die in #that's how little I knew about this game #I was crying real tears #I was mourning arthur three chapters early lol #and I know I know micah explains himself but god it is not good enough #tilly went missing and they noticed right away #they hadn't seen trelawny in a few days and they went to find him #FUCKING BILL GOES MISSING AFTER BEING TAKEN BY BOUNTY HUNTERS AND THEY NOTICE #I seethe I seethe #Arthur Morgan your own family failed you #I get so caught up in the fun family dynamic that I have to remember that arthur is the “protector” #so who protects the protector? well then this mission tells you everything you need to know #arthur has to save himself because nobody was there for him #and again I know that if the gang knew he was taken they would look #but the fact that hosea said LOUD AND CLEAR that it was a trap and that THEY HAD SAID TO MEET UP IF ANYTHING WENT WRONG #AND THEY STILL DIDN'T LOOK FOR HIM!!!!!!!! #THEY DIDN'T EVEN TRY #ARTHUR WENT MISSING FROM A MISSION THAT WAS CLEARLY A TRAP AND THEY DIDN'T GO LOOKING FOR HIM #FOR THEIR SON #THEIR BROTHER #THEY DIDN'T LOOK!!!! #my blood is boiling #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #mick squeaks #arthur morgan #red dead redemption 2 spoilers #mick rants #colm o'driscoll

[softhe4rted]

on loneliness jenny slate / japanese breakfast, posing for cars / corinne von lebusa, big glow / dadushin / alejandra pizarnik, tr. me / fka twings, home with you / avocado_ibuprofen / fiona apple, left alone / anne carson, “the anthropology of water”, plainwater / kiki smith, free fall / alejandra pizarnik, diaries

#hi my post #oooooohhh this is just a compilation of my own feelings lately #i know i have a red de apoyo i know i have my dearest friends but it's so hard to not feel alone when we're so far away #idk i just miss school and having someone to talk to everyday i'm not a text gal i need to hear your voice i need to see you i need someone #to caress my hair i need contact i need closeness i need to know somebody hears me #it's not all bad i do love my solitude but i just .... i just think in a room full of people nobody would choose me #lol i'm gonna stop now i just always use my tags as a venting space xd #also yes i had the audacity to translate alejandra pizarnik but i just couldn't find that bit already translated and i really wanted it her #web weaving #on loneliness #loneliness tag #being alone #jenny slate #japanese breakfast #posing for cars #corinne von lebusa #dadu shin #alejandra pizarnik #fka twigs #home with you #fiona apple #left alone #anne carson #plainwater #kiki smith #parallels #poetry #prose #words #lyrics

[elibethquin]

WHEN WAS SOMEONE GONNA TELL ME?!

Sorry but I MUST talk about THIS

Enkdbwkdbeje IVE BEEN IN THIS FANDOM FOR 4 YEARS NOW AND IVE SEARCHED FOR EVERY CRUMB OF CONTENT I COULD GET MY GRABBY HANDS ON GEJXBSKDB AND JUST TODAY

Today OF ALL DAYS

I FIND OUT THERES A DELETED SCENE STORYBOARD FROM BOOK 2?!!!! BWKDHWKDHKS LIKE HELLO???? GEKXHAKDHWK

Today was just the perfect day to find this out. My levels of serotonin haven’t been this high in forever

HERE!!! LOOK! LOOK!!!!!! LOOOK AT THE BABY!!! JESSE LOOKS LIKE A LOST KITTEN HDKSBDJD PLEASE HE IS SO PRECIOUS

His face is so funny to me it just looks like no thoughts head empty gajdhsjdj

Something really interesting to me is just how EXPRESSIVE the boards are I can just stare at them forever ;-;

I can analyze every single line in the 99 pages of that pdf and I WILL. No one can stop me 👹👹👹

#his >.< face made me giggle for like 5 minutes #my silly boy I miss him SO #infinity train #infinity train book 2 #jesse cosay #infinitytrain #WHY NOBODY TOLD ME?! #HWKDHAKDHWKBD I seriously need to get the hang on my animation program HSJSHS #it would be so fun to animate this deleted scene

[raveboy34]

I just realized that Irene Adler is going to be introduced any time soon now in the podcast, and I don't think i've been more nervous for a podcast ever before in my life. I really hope they take a more original approach on the story of a "Scandal In Bohemia" and for once in the 21st century of Sherlock Holmes history, they don't take a "romantic" approach at it. It is becoming insanely unoriginal at this point, and overall, bland. It is so bland, BBC Sherlock being worse than bland, legit the worst version of Irene Adler to ever forsake my eyes and ears.

I don't think writers when making a new adaptation of Sherlock Holmes ever understand the point of "The Woman," and what her character is meant to represent. She is NOT a damsel in distress, she was NOT in love with Holmes, neither was Holmes, and she is NOT stupid, literally FAR from it. She in the books was the first woman to outsmart Holmes, and what did Holmes have to say about it? He was happy and intrigued.

I understand that adaptations of SH are not trying to be true to the books, but diminishing an originally strong and smart female character to something as bland as a love interest and a damsel in distress when during the time of publishing the book, that was all women were worth in most stories written by men, is just outright wrong. The SH books are FAR from perfect but the impactful aspects of it, like Irene Adler, imo, should stay true to its original purpose.

I have high hopes this will not happen, but after back to back to back shitly written Irenes in the past 20 years of SH adaptations, im still dying inside.

Anyways, let me give some appreciation to Granada Irene Adler.

Mother was mothering so hard all of Scotland Yard got fed that day.

Miss Adler studied in the school of Serveington, majoring in cuntology, broke the score of most slayholarly with an 100 in cuntmistry.

When she sailed away on that boat to live her life with her new man, the boat shook so hard because her servecession was too much, but she still managed to bring everyone to slayty with her life mother boat. And when she arrived she pussified the land, with her own 2 heels.

Gayle Hunnicutt? More like Gayle HunniCUNT.

#nobody did it like Miss Irene #she was the original MOTHER #Holmes is stronger than me #i would have ran towards her with open arms #sherlock & co #sherlock holmes #irene adler

[wrylu]

idk why i'm so moody these days but i find my despair funny

aka my average day as of now

#1. impulsive silly thoughts #2. STOP FORGETTING TO EAT!!!!!!!!!!!!1 please :3 (note for myself me myself and i) #3. i get sad 🥱 #4. tired #(tumblr deleted half of my tags. isnt that nice though you wont have to listen to my essay of vents nobody wanted to hear that) #vent art #wrylu #lu's canvas #negative thoughts below :) have some flowers 💐 #sometimes i feel like i should get up more and spend time with my family i miss how it used to be #but you know what i suck and im practically glued to my chair and im lazy like if i was one of the 7 deadly sins i would be sloth #im surprised im not dead yet #this is purely for myself to speak my poor mind #no i actually hate this #i wanna die #i wish i was dead #not really #but still #i wish time just stopped so i can re evaluate my life #and whoa damn dysphoria makes an appearance ever #i wish i had a schlong (funny) #this is awful #sometimes i feel manipulative like i switch my emotions and personalities so hard #am i manipulating you guys?? #i feel like im being sad for attention #ugh i hate that the internet is my comfort #thats bad isnt it #i feel like an attention seeker #why am i even writing this 🥱🥱 #i cant wait to fall asleep forever

[inhumanliquid]

Hey! Queer teen with disorders stuck in the US here.

KOSA is legitimately a fucking problem, and if it gets through to the point of being law, it WILL kill people. And that's what they want.

"Oh, it probably won't pass." "If it gets through the senate, it still has to go through the house." "It'll be okay!" "[Group] won't let them do that."

THAT DOESN'T FUCKING HELP. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LITTLE THAT ACTUALLY FUCKING HELPS. YOU WILL NEVER HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LITTLE IT HELPS.

#vent post #kosa bill #fuck kosa #kosa #kosa act #gonna fucking kms over my government hating me :) #nobody would miss me anyway

[starlightsweetheart]

Just going to leave this here...

Hmmmmmmmm...

#girl meets world #lucaya #maya hart #lucas friar #gmw #lucas x maya #lucasxmaya #otp #lucas and maya #would have been endgame if there was a season 4 #nobody can tell me otherwise #if only #i'm crying #i miss them #maya deserved better #peyton meyer #sabrina carpenter