#no interest in that and now here i am four months later doing the same thing lol

[mediocrefruitlover]

i am annoyingly and intensely into hockey right now so please feel free to block my tag -> hky if you understandably dont want to see that on your dash

#ive been trying to be into it a normal amount and ive given up. its literally all i think about all day #my likes are all gifs and poetry posts and im trying not to clog up the dash but 1 its my blog 2 ive been tagging and people can just block #im saying this because a few months ago i unfollowed a blog i liked because they kept posting about hockey when the season started and i ha #no interest in that and now here i am four months later doing the same thing lol #also same for football posts block 'tottenham hotspur' #but i only use that when i live blog matches and dont really talk about it other times

[goodluckclove]

On Not Writing

Hi! I'm back. i had a fun two days of doing absolutely nothing writing related, including scrolling this blog. Wife and I played a lot of Valheim. Took a lot of bike rides. Watched Interstellar for the first time - pretty good, kind of silly at the end. It was my first two-day weekend in probably three months, so it was much-needed, hard as it was.

And it got me thinking of some things I wanted to say to the community here. It's especially targeted towards younger writers, of which I used to be one, but I think it can apply to anyone who finds themselves despairing over how much they aren't writing.

Let's imagine you're sitting with me in this coffee shop. It's an overcast Portland morning and I just inadvertently vivisected a croissant. And as we sip our drinks (I ordered a lavender latte), you lament to me. I don't know what to do, Clove. I just haven't been writing!

You know what I say to that?

Good.

This is a new hot take of mine that I, once again, worry about upsetting people with. Because I see a lot of guides here about how to write, or how to write consistently, or how to write through writers block. But I haven't seen a single person talking about the inverse - how to not write. Or - perhaps more accurately - how to exist as a human being separate from your identity as a writer.

This is a problem for me.

Listen - I started young. I was 12 when I wrote my first novella, and 13 when I completed my first novel the next year. Adults in my life were impressed by the big-eyed child writing so many words. They encouraged me. I wrote two more novels, and they continued to encourage me. Because of the potential, right? I could be successful. I could be famous.

People stopped pushing me to try other things. I saw I was getting validation as a writer, so that only pushed me to continue fixating over something I was already enjoying and getting pretty good at. Dad had me writing two thousand words every day, because that's what Stephen King did. At 16 I finished four full-length novels, which everyone thought was really cool and interesting. I was also sporting dual hand braces every day throughout the winter to cope with the carpal tunnel I still struggle with to this day.

There is encouraging a person in their passion. There is also poisoning them with the belief that their self-worth comes from pursuing that passion. This is entirely, absolutely, even more true for younger writers and artists.

I am enraged for the young writer in my heart and in my head. Because they worried about a lot of the same things I see people worry about on here. Oh, if I don't write I'm not a writer! And to an extent they're right, as to be a writer you need to at some point write some stuff.

But here's the fucking thing, Young Clover - a child should not strive for the work ethic of a professional adult. You did not need to write 2k words a day to be a writer. You were a writer as soon as you updated that terrible Invader Zim fanfiction you wrote when you were 10.

And more than that, though, the most important thing to a person should not be their job and aspirations. If you don't write every day, you're still a writer. If you've never written anything, you aren't - and that's fine. You might write something later down the line, or you might not. Either way you are still entitled to exist on the planet and capable of living a full and passionate and wonderful life.

Hear my words: being a writer is not more important than being a human being.

If you aren't writing right now, maybe you're not supposed to be. Maybe you're meant to be nurturing your relationships, or nurturing yourself. Maybe you're supposed to be volunteering. Or meeting new people. Or gaining a new field of knowledge. Or getting really good at making focaccia bread. Or watching every Mark Wahlberg movie.

I don't like to hear this any more than you do. If I was told that I, for some reason, was not allowed to write for the rest of my life, I would be miserable for maybe a long time. After that passed it's my hope that I would move on and do other things, because my worth is not dependent on being a writer. I like doing it. I like being it, and I hope to be one for the rest of my life. But I never want it to be the first thing people see when they look at me. I don't even like bringing it up in conversation with people I don't already know.

So yeah, if you have "writer's block", maybe consider putting down the pickaxe and getting some rest. Step away entirely from the large boulder that stands between you being the next Stephen King or Brandon Sanderson or Teen Dystopia Writer no. 2321. Take a break, and I mean an ACTUAL break, not the kind where you spend the whole time sulking about work.

I am legitimately begging the writers on here to have developed lives and interests outside of writing. I am begging because I do not have that and it has consistently been one of the hardest things of my life.

You prioritize living outside your writing and it will improve the quality of your writing when you get back to it, as it'll allow you a frame of reference that extends beyond our niche industry. Or it might make you realize that, while you enjoy writing, what you really love is ceramics. Or game developing. Or mutual-aid activism. Or the movies of Mark Wahlberg.

It is not your job to treat yourself like you already have a dozen deadlines and an audience teetering on the edge of disappointment. That's ultimately not going to help you. Your job on this earth is to exist fully, for the sake of the universe that wants so desperately to live vicariously through you.

So breathe. Breathe and calm down. You aren't a failure and there's nothing you have to prove. All you have to do today is drink some water and have a nice snack while you look at a cloud.

Please be kind. All of us need to be kinder to each other and to ourselves.

That's all I want to say. I love you dearly. Please let me know if you need anything.

#writeblr #writing community #writers on tumblr #on writing #authors of tumblr #writing #queer writers #actually writing #writing inspiration #writing inspo #writing resources #young writer #creative writing

[its-time-to-write]

Hello! I absolutely love your work. You’re a fantastic writer. Is it possible for you to do something based a bit off of the song London Boy by Taylor Swift? If not I understand. I just feel there’s some cool way to tie it with Jamie Tartt. Sorry if it’s a bit of a generic request

ALRIGHTY gotta preface this, I actually hate this song 😂 Lyrics aren’t bad, but the like accent thing she does makes me die a little bit. BUT. I saw what you were going for (I think)! So here it is, I suffered through listening to this song bc you asked for a fic and I am nothing if not eager to please.

This is also a response to two other requests. So if that was you, ✌️😗 y’all were on the same page, congratulations. This is also my first song-based fic, although all of my works are (very, very loosely) based on songs. That’s why they have such insane titles😅 ANYWAY that’s enough talking from me. Enjoy!

i fancy you

i love my hometown as much as Motown, i love So-Cal

Richmond in London is very different from your hometown in Southern California. It’s colder, for one. And older. Things in California don’t have the same extended history as they do in England. You’re here visiting family for a couple months, although your cousins are trying to convince you to stay longer. 

“What do you really have waiting for you in California?” Holland asks.

“Uh, the beach. Sun. Great Mexican food.” you respond.

Holland isn’t buying it. “When else are you going to be able to live here? We can help you get a job and all that, not a huge problem.”

Holland is very convincing. You decide to stay for a year, single year, and see what happens.

Holland is four years older than you, and has always been the cousin you’re closest to. You’ve had a long-standing bond since being the two eldest sisters in your family. Holland takes you to clubs and introduces you to her friends, including a Miss Keeley Jones who thinks you are “abso-fuckin-lutely adorable.” 

“You have to bring her to a Richmond match, babes,” Keeley says. “Lots of fit footballers.” She winks.

You ask Keeley of she’s dating a footballer.

“Oh god no,” she shudders. “A coach.”

You don’t really see the difference.

saw the dimples first and then i heard the accent

It was a good match, even you can tell. The Richmond team played seamlessly, passing the ball back and forth without letting the other team even touch it. Their conductor of sorts, the one mediating the passes, was crazy. He never seemed to get tired, anticipating his teammates’ moves and those of the opposing team. It seemed like he was always five steps ahead of everyone. Holland notices you watching him and pokes Keeley.

“You like Jamie?” Keeley laughs. “Makes sense. Anyone with eyes likes him. He’s right fit, too. Good in bed, shit with feelings. Well, used to be. Still fucking cocky.”

That’s interesting. “You’ve been with him?” you ask.

Keeley gives you a 50/50 hand motion. “Sort of. Don’t really count it, do I? Was with him at his fucking worst. That’s why Roy fucking hates him.”

“He’s much better now,” Holland chimes in. “Something happened last season and he stopped being such a dick.”

“Holland!” you reproach, laughing. “That’s not nice!”

She and Keeley shrug. “It’s true though, innit?”

You don’t know if it is, because when you first see Jamie up close in the club later that night, he seems perfectly fine. You see a flash of a smile, a dimple, then he says something (you don’t know what) but his accent is… something else. It’s not like Holland’s, or any of your family, but you know enough to pinpoint it to Manchester. 

“The accent got you, didn’t it?” says a voice near your ear and you yelp as Holland slides her arm around your shoulder.

“Gets the best of us,” says Keeley, grabbing your hand. “C’mon, I’ll introduce you.”

She drags you over despite your protests.

he likes my American smile, like a child when our eyes meet, ‘darling i fancy you’

Regular dinner dates are scary, but dinner dates with a Premier League footballer are downright terrifying. 

You made Holland help you figure out what to wear, and when she showed up at your aunt’s house she had Keeley in tow.

“Heard you’re in need of a bit of a makeover,” she grins. “Lucky for you, that’s my specialty.”

Keeley and Holland have brought some of Holland’s dresses and you’re in a dark green one that “does fucking wonders for your hair, babe.”

Keeley did your makeup while Holland curled your hair and just like that, you’re ready to go.

You groan, “God, I fucking hate first dates,” while shaking out your arms. 

“It’ll be fine,” Holland promises, and she’s right.

It’s more than fine. It’s fucking fantastic.

“I like your smile,” Jamie says. “Fuckin’ American, it is.”

You laugh. “What does that even mean?”

Jamie shrugs. “It’s bigger. Brits are more reserved. Like Roy. You met Roy yet? Biggest fucking twat I ever saw,” but he says it with such affection that you’re sure he means something else.

His eyes are electric, blue and dazzling. They betray his every thought and feeling and right now you feel like if you hold his gaze any longer you’re going to say something completely stupid. 

Turns out your not the one to say something stupid; he is.

You’re walking back to his car, holding hands and swinging them in between you when he stops and says, “Darling, I fancy you.”

You grin and he returns it. He asks, “Was that British enough for you? Feel like you got the whole experience?”

“Definitely,” you say. “Was I American enough for you?”

“Dunno,” he replies, “Got to test one more thing.”

His lips are very soft on yours.

met all of his best mates, so i guess all the rumors are true

“This is Isaac, Colin, Dani, and Sam.”

Jamie is introducing you to some of his team. You’ve been dating for a month now, and your first picture together just popped up in the papers the night before.

The boys of AFC Richmond were pretty sure Jamie was seeing someone, but they didn’t know who it was. Jamie had set up this dinner thing a while ago, it just so happened that the tabloids got to you first. 

It’s not even that great a picture honestly, but you’d been around Nelson Road enough that the boys were able to recognize you. 

It’s a little unnerving to meet them, what with Isaac’s intense stare and Dani’s wide, wide smile. You’re grateful Colin and Sam are acting normal.

“We have an American coach,” Colin says in an attempt to break the ice. It does, because you’re all laughing at the absurdity of his attempt. 

“We have heard very much about you,” Dani says and you wonder if he ever stops smiling. It feels so weird and so normal to be at Jamie’s house with a pile of food and FIFA queued up on the TV, ready to go. You figure that if you’re meeting his friends, Jamie must be at least a little serious. He finds your hand and squeezes it under the table as Isaac cracks his first smile of the night. It’s weird dating a footballer, but you think you can get used to it.

babes, don’t threaten me with a good time

Jamie’s house is the largest you’ve ever been in, and it used to be strange that it was only just the two of you, clattering around that big home. 

It’s a cool night after a warm day so you both decided to lay in his backyard under the stars. 

It feels so much like something you’d do as a teenager, and you tell Jamie as much.

“Used to sneak on me mum’s roof,” he tells you. “Didn’t even do dumb shit, I’d just go to look.”

You lay there in silence for a few moments until you feel something tickle your side.

“Jamie!” you shriek.

“I didn’t do nothing!” he protests. “Must’ve been a bug.”

You don’t believe him, but you don’t push it until you feel another tickle.

“Babe!”

“Babe, it weren’t me, I swear,” he says and you really don’t believe him, especially when he tickles you again less than a minute later.

You laugh. “Fuck you, Jamie Tartt.”

He smirks. “Babe, don’t threaten me with a good time.”

“Hm, maybe I want a good time.”

Jamie’s grin widens and he sits up. “You know where the bedroom is, love.”

you know i love a London boy

“I don’t fucking get it,” Jamie says. You shrug. 

“I literally don’t either,” you say. Your dad leans over to Jamie. “So basically…” he begins.

He’s halfway through his explanation when Jamie pokes you. “Babe,” he says, “can we switch seats so I can hear your dad better?” You chuckle then wiggle your way into Jamie’s seat while he gets into yours.

“Why the fuck is it called ‘football’ if it’s with their hands?” Jamie asks.

Your dad shrugs. “Not a clue, son, not a clue.”

The game progresses and one of the teams scores a touchdown.

“Hold the fuck up,” Jamie says. “Why did their score change that much?”

“I know this one!” you exclaim. “Different types of goals get different points. And there’s something called a lateral which has to do with moving backward I think?”

You dad just shakes his head with a grin and doesn’t attempt to clarify. 

Your dad spends the second half explaining everything to a very focused Jamie, and he asks questions the entire car ride home. It’s funny have Jamie here in America, staying at your parents house and seeing where you grew up. 

When you’re finally back home and in bed, you pull him as close as you can and whisper, “I love you very, very much. You know that, right?”

You can feel Jamie smile against your hair. “I love you too, very fucking much.”

#jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt fanfiction #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt x y/n #jamie tartt x you #jamie tartt #ted lasso

[siriusly-addicted-to-writing]

[Y/N] Picks…

Pairing: [Y/N] x Sirius & [Y/N] x James (@ different times)

Summary: [Y/N] needs to decide between James & Sirius, but she doesn’t know who to pick.

Warning(s): cussing, sexual implications, make-out (kinda detailed but nothing too crazy), unedited,

A/N: hey everyone. wow, i didn’t expect to ever be back honestly… but here I am. i’m going to be upfront and tell you that this will be ROUGH because i haven’t written anything from this world in almost two years. i also wanted to try something a little different, so it’s a chose your own adventure. at the end, you’re able to pick where you want your path and it will take you right there! anyway, i hope you enjoy!

Masterlist

——————

Of course, [Y/N] didn’t expect to fall in love with two guys. Nor did she expect them to fall in love with her. Stuff like this isn’t planned. It just happens.

First, there was Sirius. Yes, Sirius Black. The boy of about everyone’s dreams. From his charisma to his style, there was nothing to hate. Well, besides one, minor detail. 

He was a player.

Simple as that. Sirius Black was a player. He talked to the most girls, or well, that’s what everyone thought. The people who actually knew him, knew differently. If you asked someone who actually knew him, they’d tell you that he didn’t like most of the girls in his year… besides roughly three. Those were the ones he talked to.

Although, if you continued asking questions, you’d find out about the older girls. Of course Sirius Black was a sucker for older girls, especially the ones in the year above him. It always started with a conversation, but with Sirius, it was never just a conversation. When given the chance, he would make sure to give them a good time.

So when [Y/N] started catching feelings for him, she knew it wasn’t going to be good.

And, well, it wasn't. 

-------------

One year ago...

-------------

The moment [Y/N] caught feelings for Sirius, it was like a blow to the chest. The whole world around her was quaking. It had to have been the fact they were in the same house. It had to be. 

The days when she would get up in the morning on Saturdays and he would tell her how great she looked in those jeans or that shirt. She knew it was just him being friendly, because how many girls has he said that to? …but she couldn't help the butterflies in her chest.

It wasn't just that; it was also the fact that he would talk to her the most, and even though she was awkward with almost everyone. He could get her to have coherent sentences come out of her mouth. And damn she was thankful. 

[Y/N] saw a side of Sirius he didn’t let that many other people see, or at least that’s what she thought. She isn't sure who saw this side of him, but she hoped it was just her. 

In the beginning, liking Sirius wasn’t that bad. No, it was actually pretty great. Nothing changed. Their friendship was as strong as ever. 

But then a few months past. 

[Y/N] had liked Sirius for FOUR months now, and he didn't show any interest. There was nothing concrete that convinced her that he had feelings. It didn’t help that all of her friends said the feelings were mutual. [Y/N] didn't want to get her hopes up, so she said it was just him being nice and as friends. Although, she couldn’t help the desire in her heart that her friends were right.

But then summer came, and the perfect opportunity for her to get rid of her feelings for him. Being a half-blood was a good thing. She could see muggle guys, and maybe move on from her five month crush. 

Her goodbye was bitter sweet, but it was good. It was healthy. 

What wasn’t good, however, was the fact that Sirius would send her messages by owl constantly. [Y/N] would stop whatever she was doing and immediately read and respond to the letters. It was fine until the owls started arriving hourly. Hourly.

Now, hourly wasn’t a bad thing, but it did make things a little more complicated. How was she supposed to get over Sirius now?

-------------

Two months later

-------------

Summer went by quickly for [Y/N]. Between hanging out with her muggle friends, including a few cute guys, and writing to Sirius, the time flew by. Although it meant saying goodbye to her friends and family, she couldn’t wait to get back to Hogwarts to start her 5th year .

Something felt different in the letters Sirius had written. There was a shift sometime in the middle of July. The letters started to feel fueled with longing. He would tell her how he missed her: her smile, her laugh, her presence. The last letter he wrote to her was to tell her he couldn’t wait to see her.

Now, [Y/N] wouldn’t lie to herself, she did have a little fun over her summer break. There were a few wild nights that ended in kisses under the stars, but nothing too far. She didn’t doubt that Sirius had some fun too, but despite with being with other people, she felt like her and Sirius were going to go somewhere this year.

Once [Y/N] got back to Hogwarts, everything would be as it should be. Her and Sirius would finally get together, and this would be her year to shine.

Except, there was one minor problem she didn’t bother to take into account.

Head in clouds, beyond excited, [Y/N] walked onto the train looking for Sirius. Maybe he had a spot saved for her, or maybe he was looking for her. Her eyes scanned the cabins, but as she got closer to the end, her heart stopped as she narrowed in on a cabin to her left.

There he was, in the arms of another girl.

It’s not like [Y/N] hadn’t seen it before. She had. Many times, but it was different this time.

Sirius’ eyes devoured the girl in front of him. He wanted her, all of her. With a flick of his wand [Y/N] heard the compartment lock and the blinds went down.

[Y/N] blinked.

She heard nothing as she walked away, with only the ringing in her ears to remind her it was real. That, yes, she just saw that. She was only vaguely aware that a strong arm reached out and pulled her into a cabin. She was only vaguely aware that the boy held her in his arms, rocking her back and forth the whole way to Hogwarts. She was only vaguely aware that he whispered in her ear that ‘it’s going to be okay’, over and over again.

[Y/N] blinked.

Her ears stopped ringing to allow her to hear this whispered phrase again.

“It’s going to be okay, [Y/N],” the voice said. [Y/N] thought to herself for a second before deciding that, yeah, it was going to be okay. Her eye’s focused on the male who held her in his arms.

James Potter.

Of course. She smiled at him before drifting off to sleep.

-------------

One month later

-------------

“James, stop it right now, or I’ll…” [Y/N] started. James was currently sitting on the couch next to her in the common room clicking his wand on the table. [Y/N] sat down about an hour ago to start her potions homework. James quickly sat down next to her to get a head start on his too. The first half an hour was entirely productive… that was until James started getting too distracted to focus.

“Or you’ll what?” James countered, wiggling his eyebrows at [Y/N]. [Y/N] scoffed and rolled her eyes.

James and [Y/N] have always been friends. They’ve always been study buddies, but they didn’t do much other than that. They hung out with their mutual friends during their fourth year, but James had been actively pursuing a girl named Lily and [Y/N] was crushing on Sirius. Although, James decided to give up on Lily over the summer and move on (like [Y/N] should have), and saw [Y/N]’s face when she saw Sirius.

Later that day, when James and [Y/N] were sitting in the common room, Sirius walked in announced his new girlfriend. [Y/N] almost threw up, but James’ firm hand on her knee kept her grounded. Sirius’ eyes drifted to [Y/N], then to James’ hand and his smile faltered.

For less than a second.

If [Y/N] hadn’t been so caught up in her despair, she might have caught it.

But James did, and he took care of [Y/N] from moment day on. The first few days were rough. [Y/N]’s heart was breaking all at once and it hurt. But as time went on, it got easier.

Over the next month, her and James became inseparable. They did everything together, from eating, to studying, to sneaking out to stargaze. They were each other’s partner in crime.

Although, Sirius was still there. He’d distanced himself (having a girlfriend and all), but he was still friendly to [Y/N]. [Y/N]’s pain settled into a dull ache after awhile. He’d smile at her every now and then causing that dormant pain to spark through her, but she was okay. James helped numb the pain too.

It was easy to see that James and [Y/N] had feelings for each other. Everyone could see it, but neither of them admitted it. Whether it was too soon, or they were scared, nothing happened between them.

Well…

“Oh never mind, just shut up,” [Y/N]’s face blazed pink as she buried her face back into her homework. Beside her, James fell quiet. She did dare glance at him because what she wanted to say was written clearly in her eyes.

“You better tell me,” James started. [Y/N] tilted her head to look at his face. There was a mischievous gleam in his eye. “Or I’ll…” he continued.

“Or you’ll what?” [Y/N] said, fully facing him. James leaned toward her and nudged her chin with his thumb.

“Or I’ll kiss you,” James said, not waiting for a reply as he leaned in the whole way. [Y/N] had just enough time to close her eyes before his lips were on hers. Her hands reached up to grab his head, pulling him closer, to deepen the kiss. A surprised grunt escape James’ mouth before he reached over to reposition [Y/N] on his lap.

Now that she was straddling him, she kept his face close to hers. Nothing had felt this good in awhile. She could get lost in his kiss. She felt secure in his strong arms; it felt safe.

Seconds, minutes, or hours could’ve gone by, James sure didn’t know. He was too lost in completely devouring the girl he had sitting on his lap. That was until he heard a clunk.

Frightened, [Y/N] pulled away and looked over her shoulder to see a shocked Sirius. Sirius stared a second too long before bending over to pick up the book he dropped. When he stood up, he did not make eye contact with James or [Y/N] before walking up the stairs to his dormitory. 

“Well, that was... wow,” James said, causing [Y/N] to regain attention on James. When she looked at him, his hair was a complete disaster, and not to mention his swollen lips. She smiled, thinking she probably looked just as ridiculous.

“Yeah,” she said, planting a kiss on his cheek, “it was”. James smiled at her before turning back to his homework.

“Now, what potion were we working on?” James asked as [Y/N] shifted off if his lap to sit next to him. She smiled at him as he started to flip through the pages of his textbook. 

‘I’m happy. This is what I want. James likes me,’ she told herself. Although, that dull ache returned, bringing Sirius’ shocked face right along with it. 

-------------

 Present day

-------------

James and [Y/N] started dating a few days after that. He brought her a bouquet of roses and turned them from white to her favorite color. He presented them to her after a big quidditch match. She blushed profusely, and said yes in front of the whole party. She didn’t fail to note that Sirius left with his girlfriend shortly after.

James and [Y/N] fit together perfectly. They never argued, supported each other, and were best friends. It was safe.

Safe was the right word to describe it. What James and [Y/N] had was safe. There would be no heartbreak because they both knew they loved someone a little more, not that they would ever admit it. They would never call each other out on those one second too long glances, or those wandering eyes in the common room.

[Y/N] saw a future with James. She truly did. It was a simple one, but perfect nonetheless. They would live in a small cottage right outside of London with their two boys. It was perfect and happy future. She loved James a lot, and she knew he loved her.

And she knew they would grow to love each other completely. It would just take time.

Honestly, everything was entirely uncomplicated.

Until…

-------------

Later that night

-------------

[Y/N] and James were eating dinner in the great hall. It was James’ favorite meal, and [Y/N] rolled her eyes as he was literally stuffing food into his mouth.

“You know, this isn’t a race. The food won’t get up and run away from you,” [Y/N] said, nudging James in the shoulder. James turned his head and you barely caught the mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Well, you know [Y/N], this is a school of witchcraft and wizardry. You actually never know when the food will get up and run away from you…” and with a flick of his wand the food started running all over the table. She laughed as the chicken sprinted through your potatoes, only to be silenced by a single look from one of your professors.

“JAMES POTTER,” a loud voice bellowed across the hall. James flicked his wand again to stop the running food; the chicken landed in the pudding. James turned and winked at [Y/N] before getting up and walking over to the voice. She blew him a kiss and watched him go.

She smiled as he reached out for the kiss and smacked it right in his cheek. Her stomach swarmed with butterflies.

She talked for awhile more before grabbing a cupcake and heading back to her room.

As she left, she didn’t notice that Sirius walked out the door moments before her. She definitely didn’t notice that he walked into a broom closet near her house.

Although, she did notice when a strong arm reached out and pulled her in said broom closet.

“What the hell?” [Y/N] yelled before a hand clasped over her mouth as she dropped her cupcake. She jumped back in surprise when her eyes landed on her captor face.

Sirius’ face.

“Please, let me talk first before you say anything,” Sirius said, slowly removing his hand from [Y/N]’s mouth. She raised her eyebrows, but said nothing. Sirius paused a moment before continuing. “[Y/N] what happened to us? I thought we had something going on over the summer, and then I see you in James’ arms on the way to Hogwarts and I…”

“Let me stop you right there. Are you trying to pin this on me? YOU were the one who was making out with another girl on the train. James found me after I saw,” [Y/N] said, interrupting him. For the first time, thinking of that memory didn’t bring pain, it brought anger instead.

“What? No.. I didn’t.. we didn’t…” Sirius started, but couldn’t form a sentence.

“You can try to deny it all you want, but I know what I saw,” [Y/N] said. “You know what else Sirius? I loved you. I wanted nothing more than to be with you. You crushed me when I saw you on the bus, and you crushed me again when you announced you were dating her. I don’t know where this conversation is going, but we have both moved on Sirius. I’m with James and you’re with…”

“No, I’m not with her. We broke up weeks ago. I broke up with her because I wanted to be with you. I only started dating her to make you jealous. Who would’ve thought you’d be the one making me jealous,” he glanced at [Y/N]. She had nothing to say, she was just watching him. Sirius continued, “[Y/N], I love you. I can’t believe I’m saying it, but I’ve loved you for awhile now. I’m sorry I’ve been such a fool and made a huge mess of things. I should have never done anything to hurt you. Damnit, I want a second chance [Y/N]. Please, give me a second chance.”

He took a step closer, and leaned forward…

Time seemed to stop for [Y/N]. She didn’t expect to fall in love with two guys. Nor did she expect them to fall in love with her. Stuff like this isn’t planned. It just happens.

There was Sirius, her first love. The boy who had her heart from the beginning, but then broke it into two.

Then there was James. The boy who picked up those two pieces and made them whole again.

But the more she thought about it, the answer was right in front of her.

Of course, the person she belonged with was…

James

Sirius

#harry potter #harry potter fanfic #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagine #harry potter imagines #sirius black x you #sirius black fanfiction #sirius x reader #sirius orion black #sirius black #sirius black fanfic #sirius black x reader #sirius black imagines #sirius black imagine #james potter fanfiction #james fleamont potter #james x reader #james potter x you #james potter x y/n #james potter imagines #james potter #james potter imagine #james potter x reader #marauders era #marauders fanfiction #marauders era imagine #marauders #lily potter

[exhaustedwriterartist]

Disaster Twins Separated AU (now called Our Other Halves)

Gasp! I have done it. I have put enough of my sanity into the concept to feel confident in posting this (it has only been a little over a week and this has already started to have a hold on the creative part of my brain). I am sure someone else has thought of something similar, but this is my take on this kind of au.

Here is some beginning stage concept art for Leo and Donnie:

Main design.

Other important designs.

So there are some modified features, and yes I know, Leo does indeed have eyebrows, the horror, I know. But when I had the idea to do that I couldn't stop laughing to myself. (aaannddd possibly some other things with Leo's design [and something with Donnie's], but that's spoilers).

There may be somethings I further modify, but that'll be later.

I'll work on Raph, Mikey, and April's designs later this month. (I'm a little too busy to work on any other projects atm).

So here are the key features of this separated au under the cut (because this is kind of long):

These ideas are not in order whatsoever. This is just how my brain spouted these out. Also please keep in mind that I just came up with this, and some things may change in little or drastic ways later on. (Some of these things are a little outdated now)

Donatello and Leonardo were the only turtles who were able to be saved by Master Splinter when Draxum's lab exploded.

Poor Splinter, he is so stressed and depressed.

Raphael and Michelangelo were raised by Big Mama. They are both raised to be fighters in the Battle Nexus and to be their Mama's "little gentleman." The relationship between them and Big Mama is... iffy. More on this later.

I think that Leo and Donatello are definitely closer in this au and would have been more attached to April. So not only is there disaster twins but a disaster trio.

Donatello is the oldest twin in this au and also the most protective and defensive sibling, especially when Raph and Mikey come into the picture.

This doesn't mean Leo is not as protective or as caring of Don. He cares a lot about his twin brother, and will defend his brother and his honor to the death, but when [REDACTED] occurred, Don became extremely protective of Leo. Leo does not mind this, as [REDACTED] left a huge impact on him (as it did for Don as well, but he does his best to hide that [Leo knows though]).

While they are caring and everything, they are also twin brothers who love to mess with each other and compete with one another.

Leo is still the face guy and the family medic, but because it was just him and Don, he took more of an interest in his brother's science projects. He has more understanding of different science concepts than Rise! Leo, but it is still nowhere near Donatello's level of understanding. Donnie has a place in his lab for Leo to tinker with random and often silly projects. They also work on new gadgets and gizmos together. The two often infodump to each other and to April.

They are the biggest Jupiter Jim Fans you will ever meet. They may or may not have pulled a few strings and made a few gadgets in JJ's honor.

Raph and Mikey are not willing at first to leave Big Mama to go with Leo and Don, and they have a hard time accepting that they are related to these twins who cause so much chaos whenever they're around. They also distrust most humans (Lou Jitsu being the main exception), so the fact that Leo and Don have a human friend (who is basically a sister to them) does not help. All four brothers start to want the other two sibling to join them after while though... After some events.

Leo and Don want Raph and Mikey to come back to the family, though each struggles with their own intrusive thoughts of how it would change things. The same sort of things start to occur for Raph and Mikey. More on this later.

Donatello is technically the leader. While I think that he would be a great leader to full-time lead both Leo and April, I also believe that Don would co-lead with Leo. They would talk about each other's ideas, discuss, argue, and come up with solutions together. I'll have more on this particular topic later when I contemplate this more. (And binge watch the series again for research.)

When the four brothers are finally reunited, Donnie is still the *technical* leader, and he does his best to understand what his long lost brothers had gone through. (Yes, Don has a harder time than Leo at processing other's complex emotions, but that does not mean he cannot understand them! It just takes a longer time for him to process and find the proper response to assist his bros.)

So that's basically all the stuff I feel I need to share to start this off! Of course this isn't everything and I definitely need to delve deeper into some of my ideas, but some of the things I would like to share would be major spoilers for some of the thing I've changed or added (which is why some things are redacted). I realize I haven't really mentioned Draxum, but he's there... OH BOY IS HE THERE. There is also 2 characters from the show that will be in this au off an on that I want to mention but that's spoilers. :)

There are also some silly little things I have ideas for that I may share later next week, but this is already a lot of information. (Thank you for reading this far.)

One thing I would like to mention is that a lot of the twin aspects of Leo and Don are inspired by a pair of twins in my own family.

I am so excited to dive into this some more! I fully intend on making a comic of this au, it just may take a bit of time to write out a general out line for the comic because of my responsibilities and the need for sleep.

I would love to hear feedback from all of you, and if you all even like this idea for an au, along with if you have questions about the au (or in general), please feel free to ask me!

There is one thing I'm not sure on right now, and that's a name for this AU. I have something temporary, but I don't know how I feel about it.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. I shall come back later in the month with more stuff for this au and in general. Thank you again for reading this far. <3

Have a good day or night.

#tmnt fandom #rottmnt #exhausted's art #separated au #rottmnt disaster twins #rottmnt au #exhausted's half awake jumbles #rottmnt april #rottmnt leo #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt raph #Oh my gosh this is so fun to make #But I struggled with motivation to keep working on this for this past week. #There is so much I want to share will all of you #But I don't want to overwhelm anyone or myself. #so hopefully I will be able to make a consistent schedule to work on this and other projects. #That won't be for a little while though. #our other halves

[karamazovposting]

On Ivan and bipolar disorder (part four)

Since this is (finally) the last part of this essay and I've already previously mentioned what it will be about, I don't have an introduction to make, but I do think I need to give a couple disclaimers before getting right into this mess. First one: I have a lot of explaining to do because this gets medical again and I can't just assume you all know exactly what I'm talking about and/or to what extent; I hope I won't overexplain or sound condescending. On this same note, I forgot to open part one by explaining that bipolar disorder is a chronic mental illness that is treatable through lifelong medication and not necessarily lifelong therapy but not curable because to me that's a given, so sorry if you didn't have much knowledge on the topic and had to read my yapping with little or even no context. Second one: I will be using some words (such as "delusional") that are to be taken literally, in the medical sense. I'm not saying this because I think you are all stupid of course, but to highlight the seriousness of what I've been talking about these past months; it seems to me that lately medical terminology regarding mental health has been watered down a lot by Internet culture to the point of it losing its meaning, with memes about being "delulu 🤪" or reducing mania to dyeing your hair by yourself at 2 AM leading people to not take these things seriously. I don't mean to be a spoilsport or anything, I like and share those memes too but I've actually been (hypo)manic and delusional in the past so I guess I have the right to joke about it at least. Maybe it's not that serious but I want it to be serious at least here, which is also why I've never referred to episodes as "mood swings". I don't do that in real life either, even when talking to people who don't know much about bipolar disorder, because I've always found the term reductive and misleading: everyone has mood swings, it came free with being a human being. In my opinion it contributes to the misunderstanding of this disorder and the people who have it; no, we are not moody by default and no, we don't change our minds every five minutes or are happy one moment and then suddenly sad the next (seriously, who came up with these stereotypes and how?), but I digress.

This said, let's get down to business. I want to start with one detail that is either one of the most absurd coincidences in the entire history of literature or proof that Dostoevsky was somewhat somehow familiar with bipolar disorder and decided to integrate some things he witnessed in Ivan's character (I guess without knowing, as at the time there was very little understanding of it to the point it wasn't really considered an illness and was referred to as circular insanity and later as manic-depression, which are both cooler names than bipolar disorder but again I digress) because I swear I can't find any other explanation for it: the timeline of The Brothers Karamazov. It might seem like a very small detail, but as soon as I figured out the timeline I thought of fucking course. Now, we all know the timeline of this novel is a little confusing at first as there are almost no indicators of how much time has passed between Alyosha running from one house to another first and shit going down second, but in the first half of the novel we know it all starts in late August and honestly I didn't make anything of it, but then the timeline becomes clearer after Dmitri's arrest and we end up in early November for the trial and I mean, nothing particularly interesting or peculiar about a book covering the events of a (little over) two-month timespan, right? Technically yes, because it's not the amount of time that has passed that matters, but the time of the year: if it all had, for example, taken place from late June to early August or from late December to early February I wouldn't even be talking about it, because there's no seasonal change taking place in those months. August to November, however, is another story. I also find it interesting that it's the change from warm to cold weather, as it's the one that's the hardest for most people (for me personally it's the opposite, the shift from Winter to Spring is a nightmare, but I'm a rare case when it comes to that); I don't really know why, but the seasonal changes are always delicate periods for people with bipolar disorder as they can trigger episodes, I guess it's pretty much the same mechanism that occurs in seasonal depression. So, let me lay the timeline out for you: the Karamazovs reunite in late August, Ivan leaves a few days after, Fyodor is murdered shortly after, so probably in early September and Dmitri is arrested the same night, then Ivan comes back five days later, the trial takes place in early November the day after Pavel hangs himself, and Dmitri is sentenced five days before the story ends with Ilyusha's funeral. This timeline detail seriously drives me insane because all the other puzzle pieces I've been putting together for a while could be related to other disorders/conditions as well, such as schizophrenia (schizoaffective bipolar disorder is a thing too but I don't have it so I can't really say anything about it) and autism (autism and bipolar disorder have a lot in common), or even to just personality, but this? It's a little too oddly specific in my opinion, but I'll just keep assuming it's a coincidence for the sake of my own mental health.

Anyway, this means the story starts when a seasonal change is approaching, which is already a delicate time on its own, and Ivan has to put himself in an unpleasant situation that has a high chance of turning into a shitshow (and it does): going somewhere he wants to leave as soon as possible to discuss things he doesn't want to discuss surrounded by people he doesn't want to deal with. That's not a good start at all and it would be enough to put me, someone who has been medicated for seven years, on edge (and it has in the past); no wonder he's pissed off all the time. And it's only the start since, as we all know, the worst is yet to come. I love that the reader only gets bits and pieces of the build-up of Ivan's episode through the other characters' points of view and I particularly love how said build-up reaches its climax; it doesn't happen when Ivan hallucinates the devil (as it's mentioned he's seen him before and has also had other similar experiences in the past, I'll get into that later), but exactly a moment before that. But first, let's focus on the main build-up moments we see bits and pieces of before that. I was impressed by how realistically the whole thing was portrayed, especially considering that at the time almost everyting about this disorder was unknown; still to this day, in 2024, many people think bipolar disorder is a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde situation, with the person being "normal" one day and waking up "crazy" the next like some sort of magic happening overnight, but that's straight up not true, it doesn't happen. Bipolar disorder is way more rational than one would think (very fitting for Ivan, isn't it?) and at times you do have an awful amount of self-awareness but can do nothing with it, it's kind of like being stuck in the passenger seat of a car with a broken steering wheel and broken breaks that's speeding straight against a wall; you know what's happening but can do nothing but watch and hope the crash won't be that painful. And that's how I felt reading too, every time I saw those bits and pieces of Ivan's story I thought oh no it's happening. And Ivan knows it's happening too, as we see in Book Eleven.

I've focused on The brothers get acquainted, Rebellion and The Grand Inquisitor already, but I have to mention them again because as I've already explained they're such a pivotal point; before that we don't really know what Ivan's deal is, but as soon as we get acquainted (sorry, I had to) with him we start to notice that something's definitely up, and there is one seemingly small detail that I just can't get out of my head: when Ivan gets up and starts walking after his talk with his brother, Aleksej points out to himself that he's swaying a little. Considering it's implied that Ivan has a problem with alcohol (it runs in the family after all) in other occasions too, that's probably an indicator that Ivan had been drinking during his stay. Not only is there a strong link between bipolar disorder and substance abuse (how could there not be? Shit's tough and sometimes you have to self medicate, especially in the 1800s), but alcohol and drugs can trigger episodes or make them worse; Ivan is also once again dealing with everything alone and trust me, that's recipe for disaster. And of course after that the aforementioned metaphorical car does nothing but gain speed and Ivan increasingly becomes angrier, restless and frantic: he has trouble sleeping, he starts isolating himself even more, he talks faster, his thoughts start racing, his speech pattern becomes more and more incoherent and he can't stay still as he's mentioned walking back and forth for seemingly no reason in different occasions; all textbook symptoms. He visibly looks sick too and bipolar episodes are known to take a toll on your physical appearance (I looked like a walking corpse for years) as well as having physical symptoms manifest along the psychological/psychiatric ones, such as headaches caused by stress, which Ivan frequently has, because stress is a major trigger for bipolar disorder (and Ivan is undeniably quite stressed). Sleep also plays a huge role when it comes to bipolar disorder as it can quite literally determine your faith: the the very first sign to watch out for if you feel something might be wrong is a change in sleeping habits; if they start changing significantly it means something's definitely up and you need to intervene as soon as possible (I have prevented episodes from either spiraling or happening at all like that but it takes years of practice). Ivan's sleep schedule, if we can even call it that, during his episode reminds me of my own during an insane (no pun intended?) mixed episode I've had and it makes sense since after every manic episode comes a "crash", and during mixed episodes you can crash back and forth for days; it happened to me. But what is a manic crash? It can be summed up with a simple phrase: what comes up must come down. It's like throwing a ball in the air, it reaches its peak up there and after that it's all downhill until it crashes down on the ground and the higher it goes, harder the crash: if you stay up all night while manic, you'll sleep all day while depressed, the more euphoric you are, the more dysphoric you'll be; so it makes sense for Ivan to sleep more and more as he "comes down". As for the fever, stress can do that. Brain fever is nothing but a 19th century literature thing because it's not a real diagnosis and at the time severe emotional and psychological upset was classified as either that or hysteria, which isn't a real diagnosis either.

Another puzzle piece that fits way too well is that little mention of him tidying his room himself despite having someone to do it for him; I know it's probably thrown in there to highlight his self-isolating independence, but cleaning and tidying are very common (to the point it's almost a cliché) activities to do when you're having a (hypo)manic or mixed episode because they help getting rid of all the extra energy and give you a sense of control over your life; for me it's almost compulsive (compulsions and obsessive thoughts are common in bipolar disorder because bipolar disorder is like three different conditions in a trenchcoat), I've found myself obsessively cleaning my bathroom every day for months and fighting the compulsion to do the dishes even when it wasn't necessary. It's mentioned that Ivan feels the increasing loss of control and is ashamed of it, which brings us to the very important topics, when it comes to him, of self-awareness and control.

I already mentioned it in part one but I want to say it again: control is crucial when it comes to bipolar disorder; something out of your control happening in your life or not having enough control over your symptoms and emotions is enough to send you down (or up) a dangerous path (sounds familiar?). It takes years of treatment to be able to deal with the unexpected and to let go of this control freak attitude, but Ivan is riding this rollercoaster with no seat belt so here we are. I think this reflects best in his attitude when visiting Pavel in the hospital after Dmitri's arrest, when Ivan says he came back from Moscow as soon as possible to fix the mess they all made in his absence. He's particularly keen on letting Pavel know he has no intention of playing games and it's clear he has a no bullshit allowed policy when it comes to his family, which checks out with what I went over in part three: Ivan's presence in the Karamazov household means quiet and order. Ivan definitely has a strong personality and to me it feels like that kind of strong personality one has to develop to stay afloat, and considering Ivan is not comfortable with showing "weakness"...well; I'll get to that later. I don't know if it's a middle child thing because I'm not a middle child but I'm the only diagnosed and medicated person in a family that feels more like an emotional minefield and let me tell you, I've been running that shit like it's the Navy for years and I'm pretty sure I'm the only case of a youngest son with eldest daughter syndrome in human history and yes, it's a bipolar thing. The need for control is so strong that it extends to your surroundings and therefore the people around you; I don't know how to explain it because it's not a manipulation thing, it's an I can't deal with my own emotions so having someone express theirs in an extreme way makes me uncomfortable and I also need a stable environment to not lose my mind so I need to de-escalate any situation that might trigger me thing; it's cleaning up after other people's mess for your own sake. And maybe a little savior complex, at least in my case. Anyway, if Ivan keeps his family stable he keeps himself stable as well, so he has to take matters into his own hands even when it's too late. Damage control is a very important skill if you have bipolar disorder.

I've already been over Ivan's visceral anger so I won't go over it again, but I want to spend a few words for that one part where he punches Pavel: been there done that, and normally I'm not even a violent person. It was a pretty similar situation too: someone had been tormenting me for months while I already wasn't doing good at all, took it too far one day and I just snapped; I didn't even mean to hit that person but it's not something you can gain control over when it gets to that point, so I get where Ivan was coming from and I'll defend him until the day I die.

Since I'm going in chronological order, as you might have already noticed, this means I've finally reached the fun part. Brace yourselves, this is going to be long. I don't have much to say about the whole devil ordeal that hasn't already been said, after all it's the most blatant manifestation of Ivan's mental health status, and I think it's more important to focus on what's around the hallucination rather than the hallucination itself. The first and most important thing I noticed is that Ivan is not scared, and it makes sense for him to not be because the narrator says that situation feels familiar to Ivan, making this the second time it's mentioned by the narrator that Ivan has a past history of both depressive and dysphoric manic (usually referred to as mixed) episodes, which alone qualifies for a formal bipolar disorder diagnosis; now that I think about it I could have just said this instead of making four posts about it, but where's the fun in that? Also I don't have enough information to armchair diagnose this 19th century fictional character with a specific type of bipolar disorder, so I laid out all the relevant information for you to interpet it however you want, if you're familiar with this stuff. I think he could be either bipolar I or bipolar II as there aren't many differences between those two types. For reference, I'm bipolar II (electric boogalo), which is usually mainly depressive and has less intense "ups" (mania when it's bipolar I and hypomania when it's bipolar II, but mania and manic are often used as umbrella terms and I've used them as such in this). Ivan's episode seems more mixed (having both manic and depressive symptoms at the same time, I should've explained it earlier, sorry) than purely manic and mixed episodes are more likely to happen in bipolar II and/or to those who start having symptoms in adolescence regardless of type and I think that checks out (go to part two for that). However, hallucinating a whole person and having conversations with them is a pretty big deal and my own hallucinations are nothing like that, usually hearing noises such as knocks on my door or seeing shadows or bugs at the corner of my eye and things looking slightly off and changing in shape and size; nothing big that I can interact with and I can easily ignore that the rare times it happens. Wikipedia says that any kind of hallucination classifies as mania, but my psychiatrists obviously know I've hallucinated in the past and still haven't changed my diagnosis so don't trust Wikipedia I guess, probably because my hypomanic episodes have never significantly impaired my ability to function (like they haven't significantly impaired Ivan's; trust me, he could be doing much worse). There is a lot of nuance that Internet articles lack in my opinion.

Anyway, let's go back to focusing on how Ivan feels: he's not scared, but he is exhausted and desperate. And it's heartbreaking. Not the hardest part of The Brothers Karamazov for me to read, not at all actually, but way too familiar. Ivan, who has a strong personality and a no bullshit allowed policy, who usually speaks in a firm voice and who refused to get help even if he knew his mental state was getting worse, breaks down (in private, of course) and begs and pleads; please leave me alone, shut up. He goes back and forth between desperation and rage (very mixed episode of him) and what struck me the most is how harsh his words are: almost every time the devil says something, Ivan replies with an insult or even more in a row. Yes, it's not that atypical of him considering how he talks and refers to Pavel or Dmitri, but it's, again, heartbreaking because he's never acted like that with them (or even with his father) and he knows the devil is actually himself. He's reserving his worst words, his worst attitude, his most burning and consuming rage and hatred, for himself. And he knows that. Worst thing of all to me is that at some point he covers his ears to not hear the devil, his own thoughts, and I've done that. Sometimes those thoughts are so loud that they seem to come from an outside source and covering your ears comes naturally. It obviously doesn't work. I have many other thoughts about Ivan's devil but they don't have much to do with bipolar disorder so maybe I'll write another post in the future if I feel like it. Also honorable mention to the thrown glass because apparently I've done something similar once even if I genuinely don't remember it at all (bipolar disorder also causes memory loss so you barely rememeber your episodes, it's kind of like trying to recall the events of a party you got drunk at, we're not getting into that though).

Maybe I see Ivan's story and character as less dark and tragic than the average reader does, because to most people constantly walking up and down restless with racing, out of control, incoherent thoughts and experiencing delusions and hallucinations is understandably a terrifying experience, but for me up until a couple years ago that was just a random Tuesday. I mean it is terrifying but you get used to it, after a while you understand the twisted logic bipolar disorder operates under and it becomes less scary (still is at times) and more annoying, you try to keep up with your meds and manage your symptoms as best as you can and just go on with your life while still trying to fight it when/if you can (it's less depressing than how I'm describing it I swear, I really don't know how to convey that feeling). I don't see myself as a walking tragedy or as doomed (anymore), mental illness is just mundane to me and so is to Ivan; I think Dostoevsky did a marvelous job at portraying just how uneventful it can feel from the inside and we see it the contrast between what's happening to Ivan and his reaction to it and also between the other characters' perception of him and his own perception of himself. There is nothing other than concern coming from his loved ones, no judgment, they acknowledge that he's unwell and they usually refer to him as such; Ivan on the other hand refuses to and therefore refuses to take care of himself or, God forbid, let others take care of him. He knew an episode was approaching, but as long as he was physically okay his mental state didn't matter to him. Ivan's biggest flaw is that he's independent and self-absorbed (for lack of a better word) in an unhealthy, negative, bipolar way and it only fuels his anger: the only valid judgment and opinion of himself is his own and he doesn't have a positive view of himself. The devil tells him the people at the trial will pity him and Ivan snaps; he doesn't want to be pitied, he doesn't want to be seen as "weak" because he has internalized refusal for "weakness" and "cowardice" (he asks himself if he's a coward in different occasions, sometimes straight up calling himself that). How could he not have internalized it? He was neglected growing up and as an adult he always seems to be held at an impossible standard due to the way his personality was forced to develop, from being expected to keep the peace between the Karamazovs to even after his father is brutally murdered; at the trial Ippolit Kirillovič says that if Ivan was so sure of his brother's innocence, why didn't go to the police after Smerdyakov's confession? To them that must mean said confession never happened and that Dmitri is the murderer, but in reality Ivan (poor thing) didn't go because he was delusional and thought the two of them were going to confess together the following day. People expect him to be able to think straight and fix his family's mess even when he can't. And still, he doesn't break down even at the trial: he's firm even in his delirium, he never falters, his voice never breaks, he's determined and strong like he's expected to be, even if the others can't see it. He does the right thing for himself, not caring about anyone else's opinion, and in a sense he's some sort of modern Cassandra, cursed to tell the truth without being believed by those who can save his family (and in some versions of Cassandra's myth she goes mad due to witnessing the fall of Troy). He never cries; there's only one mention of him crying in the whole novel and contrary to other characters crying, it's not something we are told by the narrator himself but it's thrown in a conversation between Katya and Alyosha by Katya. Ivan only cried in private, in front of the person who insisted to take care of him. This talk about his relationship with "weakness" and the (partial) act he puts up definitely makes more sense in relation to part three and I hope you get what I'm trying to say.

Speaking of the trial, I was struck by the attention brought to the Karamazovs', as a whole, ability to see and navigate through two opposite abysses. Dostoevsky, what the hell? Does it mean what I think it means? I don't know, but it sure is a familiar image to me and Dmitri does seem to walk the fine line between regular human behaviour and diagnostic criteria, but I don't have many thoughts about that, it could be anything really, mostly because none of them are actual real people. My own interpretation of those characters is more "literal" even if I know they're just tools to convey certain topics and messages and if you want to get more symbolic with them please do, I'd love to read it. Honestly I like the idea of a character with a heavily emotion-driven arc such as Ivan having a disorder that fucks with one's emotions so much; also seeing someone behaving like me being treated with tact and a particular kind of sensitivity by the other characters and the author himself is so special to me (at least considering the historical context, I mean they could've just thrown him in a madhouse and called it a day but nobody even thought about doing that) because uhm...I didn't receive such kindness growing up.

There are many characters from other books, movies, and shows that I love and relate to but have never seen as bipolar coded in any way, they were just relatable, but Ivan hits different as he's the first character I've seen that is so unapologetically bipolar. I've watched shows and movies with characters that canonically have bipolar disorder and even they can't hold a candle to him (let bipolar people or at least people who are familiar with them write bipolar characters I'm begging you). There isn't a single character from The Brothers Karamazov that I hate or even dislike (yes, not even Fyodor, he's not a good person but he's a good character) and all the brothers are special to me, but I just can't help having this soft spot for Ivan, I want to give him a hug and my meds.

I'm not really going to talk about Ivan's ending because while I do obviously have things to say, they don't belong here. I just want to say that him having an open and uncertain ending (I love open and uncertain endings) even more than the other characters do is very fitting.

And that's a wrap! Thanks for sticking with me and I hope this was an interesting and maybe even educational (there's a lot of ignorance regarding bipolar disorder and I try to raise awareness every time I can) read, but most of all I hope I managed to make sense. I like this part more than part three because I wrote it after surviving the seasonal change while during part three I was in the trenches but oh well, the past is past. No notes on part one and two, those are good I guess. Also I've said variations of been there done that a ridiculous amount of times in this whole thing but my Twitter display name is Ivan Karamazov kinnie for a reason. And I won't apologize for the shitty jokes by the way.

See you soon* with other literary analysis!

*= don't rely on my words too much, it could be tomorrow like it could be in ten years

#I hope it's clear I'm not trying to downplay or dismiss bipolar disorder as not a big deal or anything #I can't stress enough of much of a big deal it actually is #it's just that after a while you have to come to terms with the fact that it's your life and it'll be like this forever #there's not much you can do about it y'know #it's hard to accept but again it's not like you have other options #anyway it's very funny how I started this thing citing the specific chapters I was referring to and gradually went more and more “fuck it” #and only mentioned in which books the things I'm talking about happen or straight up mentioned absolutely nothing just vibes #this stuff is all in the book tho I swear #the brothers karamazov #ivan karamazov #bipolar ivan karamazov agenda #thoughts #mine

[dairy-farmer]

I am in love with how Tim is a Grayson from the birth asks you have received and when I started to think about them I realized it will be very interesting to see if Dick is a Drake from the birth too. So here we are, hope you will enjoy...

Tim was born by an accident. In their last archaeological dig Jack and Janet started to argue with each other a big time. Then they wanted to relieved their nerves for each other by having sex. It worked of course. They finished the dig in a normal emotional state and then they came to visit Gotham for a while to see their older son and prevent an incident. However, they found out that Janet was pregnant as a result of a malfunction in one of her birth control pills, and they made to headlines in the newspapers because of the doctor's appointment

Janet certainly couldn't bear the thought that she would once again be imprisoned in her own body for nine months. She was younger when she got pregnant with her eldest son, Richard, and they were getting fewer offers to go on archaeological digs, so that wasn't a problem. But now, 10 years later, being exposed to the same situation again was getting on her nerves. She was constantly fighting with everyone she found in the house, praying at night for the baby to come out early

She had no desire to miscarry though. She knew that if such a situation occurred, she would be subjected to pitying glances in society. She just wanted it to be born at least a few months earlier. It wasn't a big request after all

Unlike his mother, 10-year-old Richard was overly excited about this pregnancy. He knew that his parents would arrange for a caregiver to disappear soon after the baby was born, so he would be the real guardian of the tiny body. He would never again drown in his solitude between the four walls of the manor. Besides, if he made a deal with his parents, maybe he could make sure that the little baby born would remain innocent forever

Timothy Jackson Drake was born prematurely as a 7-month-old baby. According to the doctors, his body was extremely sensitive and did not have the structure to perform very exciting movements. In short, he had to live a quiet life

Upon this statement of the doctors, Jack and Janet accepted the offer made to them by their eldest son. Regardless, Richard would be heir to the Drake legacy and continue his education. Timothy, on the other hand, would have the opportunity to live the life he wanted, away from these obligations

Knowing they wouldn't make the headlines once Tim was picked up from the incubator and brought back to the manor, Jack and Janet arranged for a sitter and left Gotham for their next archaeological dig

Richard certainly wouldn't let the new babysitter touch his baby brother. He had met such people before when he was a child. They'd try to kidnap his defenseless state and demand ransom from his parents, but because the Drakes wouldn't succumb to such threats, they'd have to let him go

Little Tim's body was not at the level to handle such excitement, so his big brother needed to protect him. Although this situation upset Richard, it was causing something to flare up inside him that his little baby had to be so dependent on him

As time passed and Tim grew, albeit slowly, that dependence on Richard grew stronger. Just because the little baby found the Flying Graysons' performance interesting, he learned all the moves the two of them could do, and managed to get Tim's attention again. It didn't matter if the two were killed in the show they did on the day they arrived in Gotham or Batman's investigation of this murder. Tim's attention was already captivated by his big brother, after all

Richard had become the heir to exactly what his parents wanted. At the galas, he was attracting people with his cold eyes, a cold smile and a poisonous mouth just like his mother, and he was drawing attention as a natural performance expert. There were so many partnerships that the Drakes gained thanks to Richard alone

However, their eldest son was approaching them with the same cold personality and the two did not know how to feel about it. It was clear that the only person Richard loves is his younger brother, and the Drakes knew that maybe they should break them up, but they had an agreement they made years ago and they were going to keep their word

Jack and Janet Drake were murdered when Richard was 21 and Tim was 10. Both bodies were found hours after their deaths and as a result of all these events, Richard took over his parents' company sooner than expected and took custody of his baby

I think in this au, Tim's withdrawal over the death of his parents will cause Richard to hate Batman to death. He will come across as a villain, kind of like Lex Luthor not like Joker or Two-face, who wants to take revenge on the person who broke his little baby's heart by failing to save anyone. No one will believe that Richard will try to interfere with Batman's operations, and any life he can't save will shake the trust Batman has built in Gotham

I think things will get a lot more interesting if Jason and Tim meet each other at a gala. Tim doesn't really have any thoughts about Batman, but when Jason joins the patrols as his sidekick, he'll catch the connection between the two and tell his big brother. And Richard never believes that anything his little brother says is wrong, whenever he encounters Batman, will whisper the name of Bruce Wayne and drive Bruce to madness

Also, this over-dependence between the two of them, resulting from years of loneliness will also result in Richard owning all of Tim's firsts (I'm actually so excited over the thought that Richard is teaching Tim how to kiss, cum or have sex) I couldn't put that thought in while laying the groundwork, so that is all I have right now

👀👀👀👀 dick and tim being bio brothers is such a favorite of mine and the idea of dick taking all of tim's first because he practically raised tim and tim was the only company his lonely little self had for years and this creating a pretty severe dependence on the other is so good!!

#answered asks #asks #anonymous #dicktim

[tiptapricot]

Hiya!! This may sound like a weird ask question but my autistic brain and it’s hyper fixations won’t let me live until I have this all figured out. So I watched moon knight and obviously became obsessed with Layla, the thing is, I love her outfits, and I feel like there ain’t enough on the show!! Like literally only three outfits maybe four that we can see and I need more it makes me sad. Could you maybe recommend me some other characters with the same style as her, or give me some links to Pinterest outfits that would fit her? I saw your stevens apartment post and I know a ‘I never miss a detail’ person when I see one which I adore about you being honest. Thanks for reading I know it’s weird lmao 🤭

He anon!! I don’t know if you ended up finding other answers, this got lost in my drafts while answering and I’m only just getting to it now (edit: got lost in drafts again while half finished and I’ve wrapped up some pieces to finally post it now months later), but I hope this helps! I unfortunately am not a fashion focused person nor someone as familiar w a wide range of characters outside of my interests as far as immediately available brain information, but I’ll do what I can :-) This is more of a post examining Layla’s outfit details and trends, so make of that what you will!

I checked costume designer Meghan Kasperlik’s Instagram where she’s posted a lot of the details of the costuming process, however the general focus seems to be on the suits and godly designs. I also couldn’t find any immediately available interviews talking about the choices made with Layla. Still! Here’s her post on the behind the scenes for the Scarlet Scarab costume, with detail shots and some notes.

(No ID available for video)

As far as more regular outfit stuff for Layla, here’s my own peeking and observations! These are the outfits we see her in in show (excluding the Duat Layla, the look she takes to blend in with Harrow’s men, and Scarlet Scarab, as those are outside of her canonic own fashion choices and wardrobe).

Summon the Suit:

What we see here is a more casual outfit, but still somewhat tactical. This is what Layla wore to go looking for Marc after his radio silence, a situation she wasn’t sure was his choice or because he was in danger. As such, we can assume this is a generally a more mission oriented outfit, tactical but able to blend in with civilian crowds. Stuff to notice!

There are colors but they are more muted

The pants are not loose and are sturdy while still allowing for good movement, but are not leggings or stretchy fabric

The pants are also somewhat high waisted/pulled up, with the top tucked in

She is wearing rings on her right hand, even for a more official mission (will go more in depth in next outfit)

She has a watch on her left wrist

More a fun fact, but the jacket mirrors/resembles the scarlet scarab design/look, which is a really fun character detail and good foreshadowing

The Friendly Type:

Layla’s most outfit heavy episode :-D These show some rly interesting trends in her choices and allows us to see her more casual outfit looks, and what she wears outside of business.

Outfit one, opening scene:

This one we never get a super clear shot of, but it’s what she wears while getting her passport forged. She’s with a friend, but doing slightly more illegal activity. I don’t know where she is when this happens, but things to note!

Big comfy black leather jacket, a black shirt, and black (skinny?) jeans

Darker tones again, possibly because she had to blend in or be under the radar for this meeting, but also may just be a casual look as her wardrobe trends darker

Pants are not loose but still flexible again, and are high waisted/pulled up again

Rings! Same as from summon the suit, on the same hands. These seem to stay constant in all following outfits. Will have their own mini section

A loose gold chain necklace

Still has her watch

Outfit 2, confronting Marc in Cairo:

This is Likely Layla’s most casual and every day type outfit we see her in during the show. She’s clearly been about town, having grabbed a drink, changed, and been looking for Marc. Things to note!

A bit more color again with the pinkish pants, but still a dimmer shade, nothing too bright, but cute and casual

Pants have a button and are pulled up higher again, seemingly looser than previous bottoms we’ve seen. I’m also unsure if these are shorts as I don’t have a clear shot, but they could be

Her top is loose and casual but nothing like a tight tank top, and has an almost ruffle look to it

Rings and watch as usual

Outfit 3, Mogart’s/turning back the sky (and what she fights in in the beginning of the next episode):

Initially a more formal, elegant type look, meant to blend in well with Mogart’s vibe, but still present a professional front, and double for a confrontation she knows is coming.

Darker tones again, grey and black this time, with a loose vibe to everything with nothing too stretchy

Pants high waisted again, seemingly tied around her waist either with a belt, a sash, or something built into the pants

Sleeves rounded against the wrists

Top is sleeveless under coat in a similar cut to her more casual pink and white Cairo look from previously

Watch and rings as usual

The tomb/God’s and Monsters:

Suited up to go into the tomb, all pretenses of formality have been dropped for something tactical.

New vest and belt, earth tones and sturdy fabric

A new shirt as her undershirt from previous was short sleeved

New pants, grey this time instead of the previous black

While I think she may have been wearing them at Mogart’s, has her gold snake earrings very prominent in this scene

So!! With all of this. The general sense I can get of Layla’s fashion is:

high waisted pants almost always

generally muted color palette of blacks, greys, browns, etc, occasionally with a splash of color usually in warmer tones like red or pink

Not much super stretchy fabric like leggings, and not many tight or athletic tops. She goes comfortable and generally loose, as well as going with more matte(?) textured clothing, nothing shiny or super silky

She has a range of jackets and jewelry

She wears her watch and rings with everything

And speaking of—

Rings!

Layla wears the same sets of rings throughout the show, a different set on each hand.

Right hand:

A gold ring with some kind of flat and engraved top, though I can’t tell the design on it in the shots we get

Two rounder and more generic silver rings

Left hand:

Two more generic flatter gold-ish rings

One silver ring with raised edges and maybe details on the flatter part, unsure

This is the hand she has the watch on!

As far as the significance or referencing of these with all of this, I don’t know! Again I am not tied into the fashion world and wouldn’t know where to start on research if these hold more significance or referential character detail than just being rings she likes to wear. But it’s an interesting detail to see her preferences and that she keeps these as well as her earrings on on missions and in deadly situations.

She doesn’t do this with necklaces, and it makes me think it’s likely related to function. Rings can help with punching (debatably) and earrings won’t cause a disadvantage, but a necklace would be a choking, tangling, or face-hitting hazard. The one time we do see her wear a necklace during active mission time is at Mogart’s, and of course, we see that’s because it’s specifically worn to be layer used as a weapon.

So! Again sorry this took so long, not even sure if you’ll see this if you don’t follow me, and I know I am more presenting information and details over analysis or giving you alternative looks, but I hope this was at least interesting and helped some for vibes to look for!

Also if anyone has things to add in about details I missed (it’s been long enough now I don’t remember if I rewatched the episodes to examine shots or not), or significance or references I didn’t pick up as someone not familiar with fashion, please feel free to add it in a reblog! Similar to my Steven’s flat layout post I’m more than happy to have this be a growing and changing source of Layla outfit information and discussion :-)

(IDs besides video in ALT)

#moon knight #moon knight 2022 #layla el faouly #the fruit is talking again #mikes mk meta #long post

[houseofbrat]

Seeing as he’s benefitted so much from this flexible working opportunity, is he going to come out and champion this for the general public? Acknowledging his privilege would go a long way here I think. People can’t help what they’re born into but they can do a lot with the platform they’re given.

I wonder if he will do that as well. As it seems another PR fiasco waiting to happen. The Queen was dying of cancer but had all her children working full time.

Whenever articles like this come out I am reminded of what Wills was like when he actually had to work and had weeks off at a time to the dismay of his colleagues.

‘He’s hardly ever on shift. He was very enthusiastic to begin with but it tailed off. It’s supposed to be four on, four off but with the Duke it’s more off than on. He had at least four weeks off over Christmas, which has to be staffed the same as normal weeks. It’s fine that he gets a bit of special treatment but it’s beginning to really annoy some people. The rumour is that he’s just a bit bored of it.’ ”

And then the royal household shot back at claims we was lazy by saying he needed mandatory rest days for his job resulting in the Civil Aviation Authority having to shoot back and saying “When they are having rest days their time is their own, and they can do what they want, including carrying out royal duties.”

I can’t imagine this level of unprofessionalism.

The whole thing I’ve felt about this is what a stark contrast it is to the plebs they rule over - from preventative chemo when we have people waiting months on the NHS (from personal experience experience - I had a scam last year to see if I have a form of gynaecological cancer. I was told the scan was clear. Last month I was told that the scan was actually inconclusive and needs redoing as they couldn’t see the part the needed to but no one told me until nearly a year later) to partners who get punished for taking time off work to care for a loved one.

I understand that they are rich and powerful enough to do what they want. But it’s rather galling to see such a stark contrast between ruler and subject.

He really does seem like he’s not interested in the whole thing doesn’t he?

He's only interested in the income and power that comes with it, he'll never give it up he's spent his whole adult life trying to do as little as possible. The moment he got access to the Prince of Wales duchy $ he was no longer beholden to his father and can now redefine expectations. The bar has been set pretty low and he has the British Tabloid Media propping him up and running PR for him, there's also evidence that they spend a fair chunk of cash employing bots online propping them up and attacking anyone who says anything negative. Between the BTM and the royal sychophants he's been getting away with it and will continue to. Countdown 3,2,1 to one of those sycophants leaving me a comment .....

I think he should have to follow around people who have to keep working while also caregiving for sick or elderly family members while also juggling raising kids and keeping up on other obligations. I’m sure he would be shocked — most of us can’t step back to the extent he gets to do so. As the future king, he should understand the lives of the majority of the people. Read the room.

Considering their work is mostly just turning up and being “seen”. How exactly is work from home gonna help anyone?

He’s going to do some twitch streaming.

I just learned that 600 organizations sponsored by QE2 have not yet been taken over.  Some are very important but there are no signs of any restructuring, selection and elimination plans.  People criticize W for this instead of C because W is the one who shows no interest in continuing to show up and sponsor organizations.  William currently only works as Chairman, managing the principality and two projects Earthshot and Housing for the Homeless.  W does not take over King Charles' projects like he is PoW, so King is basically overloaded and cannot take over anymore. 

If he wants to work without being seen, then the real question is what type of "behind the scenes work" is he actually doing? Because every time he talks about a topic in public, he only seems to speak popular talking points that even someone without knowledge can say. He doesn't speak like someone who really knows the topic of discussion in depth.

That's why Earthshot being a "passion project" is laughable. His speeches are so shallow. It's the same with Kate and Early Years and those lame five questions that took some ten years to come up with. Everything they say is like a total no-brainer. So, what work are they really doing behind the scenes?

I think people whose spouses have cancer should be able to take health leave and its v sad for people who live in a country where they can't. But I would give him a lot more grace if he and Kate weren't famously Duchess Dolittle and Workshy William. This has been a habit for years. Its not like Anne got sick and disappeared from public life

Yep. He has been on Easter holiday since March 23 to April 17. Plus, January entirely off. It doesn't look good.

My friend has breast cancer (we’re in the UK). She’s having chemo and is the same age as Kate. She has to have fairy major surgery after the chemo and has had to go back to work because she has to save her sick leave for the recovery from the operation. This is during chemotherapy. This country is completely broken and lacks compassion for everyone (like most of the Western World) but then expects an exception to be made for the royal family who are loaded and don’t even use the NHS and have an enormous amount of monetary resources.

I have huge compassion for Kate. I think she’s been incredible over a long period of time in a job I would absolutely loathe personally (whether people say she wanted the gig or not) - but I don’t think William has had her back very much recently from what I can see objectively, particularly over the recent PR debacle. And, being honest, I wonder why that is. I think we’re fed total BS by the press over who these people really are.

I don’t think you can be raised like William or Harry and have any kind of perspective. It’s just logical that you can’t. They had a terrible childhood to be honest. And there are people who hold responsibility for that.

But yes, absolutely, if Kate wants him there, he should be allowed to support his family, no questions asked. I just wonder if she really does?

Can someone who knows actually share what his duties are and how he can work while not being seen?

Can someone who knows actually share what his duties are and how he can work while not being seen?

He looks at the country with somber frowns on his face and in return the country looks back at him with approving nods. That is what we call a symbiotic relationship.

How quickly William forgets the way he and Kate were ripped apart prior to the great Sussex Split.  He can do what he wants, but this is inevitably not going to go well and he is definitely no longer a young and handsome sympathetic figure.

Yeah that one reporter said it perfectly when they were speculating about why Will didn’t go to that funeral that William feels he can do what he likes because the press let’s him get away with everything.

"Working from home"? How stupid do they think people are? waits to see the defense(s) royalists come up with

Is she sicker than anticipated? Because Charles seems to have actual cancer versus "cancer was present" and "preventative chemo," and he is "working" more than William.

Also, don't forget that Camilla has also been out and about and "working," during his treatments.

Something is weird.

The press’s analysis of him is willfully ignorant as usual. It used to be the kids, now it’s Kate’s diagnosis. Will is telling us his approach to royal “work” is not and will not be the same as the King or Queen Elizabeth. This is his plan for the monarchy.

They've been doing it since he left Eaton. It's one invented excuse after another. Anything to excuse his refusal to do any royal "work" so they don't have to criticize him, and he can keep his "Golden Boy" image.

let him enjoy a normal college experience!

he's only in his 20s! He's got time!

He's an ambulance pilot, let him have fun with that for a bit!

He's not the heir! He's only the son of the heir!

he just got married!

He's only in his 30s! He's got time!

he has babies at home!

he has small children at home!

he's not the King, his father is!

His wife has cancer!

What's next?

Will is telling us his approach to royal “work” is not and will not be the same as the King or Queen Elizabeth.

Mmhmm well the press and royalists' response to Will telling them he' would rather be a lazy, hands off King is for him to reconsider his entitlement and privilege - reality check for this 40 something year old Prince

Bingo. Start as you mean to go on...which means doing nothing and collecting taxpayer money while you do it.

William’s work ethic is going to be a catalyst to reform the UK government :/ EII had to be seen to be believed - William believes in not being seen? The republicans will gain momentum with a King who does nothing.

To repeat what I said a month or so ago when they claimed William was focused on “his work, not social media:” what work?

#reddit #my gif #Workshy Will #kensington palace #pr games #strategery #pr fail #William The Prince of OWN GOALS #William The Terrible #William The Weak #prince william #William The Prince of Wales #The Workshy Waleses

[summerfevers]

if you’re up to it i would very much like to know your white collar neal timeline🎤🎤

this turned out to have many asides and be very long so the tl;dr is: peter have you considered that he's just a twenty-something teenage girl :( ?

timeline:

neal born 1984 ish. he's an aries and a millennial

neal, ellen, and neal's mom go into witsec 1987, neal age 3

2003 adler scandal i fucking guess. neal age 19

neal arrested probably mid 2005, 21

neal goes to jail for the first time, i want to say early 2006, age almost 22

pilot is set late summer 2009, age 25

same-sex marriage legalized in new york june 24th 2011, they talk about this in season 3 episode 14 which is soon after. neal's 27

more or less a year later–let's go with less–neal tells sam that he has spent the last decade running from the truth he learned at 18. taking him literally that it was 10 years ago he is now 28 it is the end of season 4 and 2012

the end of season 4 to the series finale is less than a year. he is 29 its 2013.

when we see him in paris he might be 30 but that doesn't count To Me

i present my evidence:

i don't know where we got "neal is 35" from i cant make it work. neal and co. went into witsec (which i have actually since learned is not available to people living in dc, they have their own version but it is not overseen by the federal marshalls, i don't think they can give you as many legal documents like a ssn, and they don't help you set up your new life as much? something about neal's life that would be interesting to explore.) when he was three and ellen says in season 4 that she's been in witsec for Nearly three decades. confirmed 33 or under in season 4

he also says to "sam" more than once that he's spent the last decade running from the truth he learned at 18–he very well could be rounding down here and mean like 12-13 years but i am Choosing to Believe he meant that literally. we are now at youngest 28, it is the last episode of season 4.

now due to the way the show is structured and the fact that it is never really winter. ok maybe winter 1 time because i can see in my mind neal in his little wool coat and earmuffs but largely it is summer and we never have a christmas episode. anyway due to All That our only real anchor in the timeline is that the episode where diana is Grappling with her engagement to Christie happens immediately following june 24th 2011, when same-sex marriage was legalized in new york. and also that later that season in the commutation hearing they say that neal has served 2 years of his sentence. so the pilot was set in 2009 when it aired we are at one year/season. but as the series goes on the episodes and even seasons have increasingly shorter gaps between them, and by season 6 we haven't even finished our four years. by the end of season 4 i want to say we are three years into his sentence and he's 28. between the end of season 4 and when neal dies in season 6 there has got to be less than a year that passes. actually deadass why was neal so obsessed with the pink panther case ending his sentence early we are like months out king. i get the injustice the system is broken they'd keep him forever but to people outside his circle he must have looked sooo silly for that. but whatever. he is 29 when he dies and 30 when we see him again in paris, his roaring 20s of crime and incarceration over.

Anyway where the "neal is 35 or at least claims to be much older than this timeline would say he is" probably came from in-universe is that the adler scandal takes place SEVEN years before s2 when peter confronts neal about it. 2003?????? guys the thing we have to understand, to embrace, about neal's personal timeline is that i do not think anyone in that writers room was really grasping how much they had neal do in so short a time. 2003 he is like 19 guys. maybe by the time peter says it was 7 years ago it was 2011 ? and the adler thing was 2004? but no that couldn't work because it's mid 2011 like a year later in s3. so basically neal walks out of st louis and has a magical girl transformation through which he immediately becomes a great conman and criminal. and he meets mozzie basically straight away. he should still be in like calculus and ap lit at this juncture. and then they go right into the adler con ??? and neal is obviously lying through his teeth to everyone saying he is at least 21 but probably more along the lines of 23. and while most of his aliases are eventually found out by peter if no one else, no one ever goes "wait IS HE a teenager?" no one is guessing this.

so we spend a couple months fucking around and fucking UP with adler, kate probably doesn't know how old we actually are, this relationship cannot actually last very long at all because we are truly on a time crunch right now. we have less than three years for neals entire criminal career before he goes to jail. i know i said on the bullet list he went to jail early 2006 he has got to have been arrested like summer 2005 at the latest to be tried and sentenced by then and i feel like even that might be tight because he was suspected of so many other things they wanted to get evidence for. but how is neal teaching kate to be a criminal less than a year into his own career. i think neal must have been a hardcore improv kid for this to work honestly. i bet he competed. so our golden days of mozzie neal and kate against the world lasts maybe a year at best before neal and kate fight and she leaves and he spends months trying to get her back and get her attention and commits a truly breathtaking amount of crimes in this time.

also i'm skipping through forging bonds right now trying to flesh out this timeline and it was incredibly shady of peter and co to see that kate is doing so much to stay hidden from her ex boyfriend and then to reveal her to neal in order to catch him. like that was fucked up they didn't know neal yet he hadn't been suspected of violent crimes but they didn't know why kate was working so hard to escape him. like it worked out ok (arguably, but that could be a different post) but they had no reason to trust neal not to hurt her like this. she could have been running from an abusive situation he's known to be a talented criminal with no fears about escalating his crimes he could have killed her. one thing about the fbi is that they never once care about kate's safety and it does indeed get her killed one day.

in conclusion neal is known as one of the best forgers in the world when he is arrested in 2005 at age 21 maybe 2 years into his criminal career. here i am 21 what have i accomplished

#hiiiiiii LOVE your wc fic explorations of neals childhood are everything To Me and really your characterization of danny brooks is exactly #the kind of child neal would have to be for him to have been essentially a child prodigy at white collar crime #truly hes gotta be canon #also one more thing why is james in that flashback like have a good day at school 🥰 or whatever. neal is 2 or 3 and his mom didnt seem #to work so he didnt have daycare. where tf is he going #anyway thank you for coming to my ted talk future talks will discuss my conflicting opinions on how neal and kates relationship is treated #in canon and how neal was obviously not an early 2000s emo kid but frankly? maybe he should have been. good night #white collar #poplars.txt #just put this throufh a word counter 1200??? sorry. #this post is nearly twice the word count of the assignment i was procrastinating while i wrote it 🧍

[erin-bo-berin]

if this doesn't follow your intentions for these stories plz ignore it lol .... ok Dad Steve x SingleTeenMom!Reader where is she a little insecure about having sex with Steve after pregnancy because of all the changes her body has had and afraid of him losing interest in her or something? I think it's such a real scenario as a mother.

I absolutely love this idea. I’ll try not to make it too sappy, but I honestly feel Steve is such a sweetheart (and since we know he has a breeding kink and wants kids) I feel like he’d worship his girl’s body no matter what stage it was in—from pre-pregnancy to during pregnancy and afterwards. Cause he’s just amazed that your body has done it all.

But I would love to write this. I’ve obviously not been through this myself, so I hope I do it justice.

Also, if there are any mothers who are reading this blurb/fic and have felt this way or are, I just want to let you know you’re badass and beautiful. ❤️

Warnings: Body image issues and self doubt, postpartum body, also some light smut towards the end

(Please do not read if you aren’t in the proper head space. Even if you have to save it and come back to it later, please do so. I don’t want anyone to read anything that could negatively affect their mental health hence this warning)

This is part of the Dad Steve x SingleTeenMom!Reader universe. If you’d like to read more of the series, you can find them all on my MASTERLIST

It had been close to four years since you’d been through postpartum with Abbie. You’d also been a teenager then.

You stood in front of the full length mirror and gazed at your belly. It’d only been two months since you’d delivered Arabella, but you couldn’t help but feel disappointed in what you saw.

Your stomach still looked like a deflated balloon and you knew even when it returned to normal, you’d have a pooch. It hadn’t been as noticeable after Abbie, but now, two kids in, you expected it.

You still had fading stretch marks, some now silvery white from where your precious baby had stretched the skin. Logically, you knew you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself or your body—you’d brought two amazing girls into the world, after all—but your mind kept spitting out doubts that just wouldn’t go away.

What if Steve didn’t find you attractive anymore?

What if he didn’t even want to have sex with you anymore?

You’d been in the midst of getting dressed, still in your bra and underwear, when you caught a glimpse of yourself. That’s how you ended up in front of the mirror, criticizing everything you saw.

It was only when Steve exited the bathroom a few minutes later that you pulled your gaze away from the mirror, trying to cover yourself self-consciously.

His hair was damp, a towel tied around his waist, droplets of water still scattered over his shoulders and collarbones.

“Since when are you shy?” he teased, lovingly.

When you didn’t joke back, your eyes falling from his, he grew concerned.

“What is it, baby?”

He came up behind you, wrapping his arms around you from behind, moving your arms out of the way. His chin rested on top of your head as he gazed at the same reflection you saw.

But what he saw was so much different than your perception of your body.

“I’m just not feeling the most confident right now, I suppose,” you sighed, “I’m bloated, my stomach looks look like a wrinkly, deflated pumpkin left out too long after Halloween and I have stretch marks.”

“It’s only been, what? Two months since you’ve given birth?”

“Yeah. It’s just, I don’t look as good as you’re used to. I don’t want you to be disappointed or…” you trailed off, “Not be attracted to me anymore. Not even want to touch me anymore.”

“That’s impossible, Y/N. You’re just as beautiful as the day I met you—even more so,” he said with a serious face.

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better,” you mumbled.

“I absolutely am not,” came his stern reply.

His hands gently came around to caress your still healing stomach.

“This here? This is recovering from bringing a beautiful baby girl into the world. Our daughter. It took it nine months for it to grow, it will take some time for it to return to normal, even then, you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, baby.”

His fingers splayed across it, looking at your reflection, looking eyes with you.

“You may not be happy with it—which I understand why, I’m not saying you have no right to feel that way, but your body makes me happy. It reminds me of all it’s went through, Y/N,” he whispered, “How it can change and form and all it can take.”

He didn’t pause to let you speak before continuing.

“Your body is amazing. It can stretch and with take me inside you,” he smirked, running a finger up your side, “It can stretch and grow a whole ‘nother human being and it can bring that life into the world. Then it can heal and nourish our baby, helping her grow into a strong little girl and that is fucking beautiful. You’re superwoman in my eyes, baby.”

“I don’t care if you always have stretch marks or if they go away. It doesn’t matter one bit if your belly isn’t as “perfect” as it once was. I will love you no matter what. You’re so much more than your body, sweetheart, but if I do say so myself, your body is incredible—pre, during and post-pregnancy.”

Tears were now streaming down your face, purging all the self-deprecating thoughts you’d been having about yourself. They were freeing, happy tears, ones that came from Steve’s sweet words. You knew he meant each and everyone of them too.

They were tears of sadness too because yes, it was possible your body might forever be altered from pregnancy, but, that didn’t matter as much as it did earlier. Steve was right, you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself, especially when your body was still recovering.

Most of all, the tears were healing. Ones that made you realize you deserved to be nicer to yourself. Even if they were reminders that stayed around for only a short time, they were reminders of the gift of your daughter.

“One more thing,” he whispered, voice rough and a tad raspy.

“Hmm?” you asked, hands coming up to rest over his.

“There’s no way I’ll never be turned on by you,” he mumbled.

You felt the brush against your back of his arousal, through the towel and blushed, a small smile on your lips.

“You drive me crazy, I hope you know that,” he chuckled, kissing the top of your head, “Also, didn’t your doctor said we only had to wait six weeks?”

“Mhm,” you answered.

He was dragging you backwards to the bed, a smirk on his face.

“And how long has it been?”

“Eight weeks,” you whispered.

“Then I think it’s high time I get to worship your body again, properly,” he muttered, pulling your face to his.

His towel fell, discarded to the floor and soon your matching undergarment set followed. Before he did anything though, he kissed each and everyone of your stretch marks that still remained on your belly.

“You’re beautiful and I hope you know that,” he whispered, reminding you.

When he made love to you, his words were full of love and appreciation; your heart just as full of both for him, as well.

#steve harrington #steve harrington fic #steve harrington smut #steve harrington blurb #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x reader #stranger things #stranger things blurb #stranger things fic #stranger things smut #steve harrington fluff #stranger things fluff

[librathefangirl]

9, 10 and 17 for your fic wrapped pls 🥺❤️

My pleasure! Here you go 💜

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

Okay, so romantically speaking, this year I've only posted fics for Melizabeth in different constellations - Elizabeth/Meliodas, Goddess Elizabeth/Meliodas, Elizabeth Liones/Meliodas, and Liz/Meliodas. Out of those four, Goddess Elizabeth/Meliodas was the most fun to write. I just really enjoy exploring that era and that pairing to be honest. I mean, enemies-to-lovers in a holy war whose love story was so revolutionary that the gods decided to kill their own heirs?

Liz/Meliodas takes second place because Liz and the Danafor era deserves some more love - but I've only written one fic with Liz and it wasn't that much focus on her/her relationship with Mel in that one.

But if we're talking pairing as in two people with any kind of relationship (romantic, platonic, whatever) then it's hands down Meliodas & Zeldris. I mean, it's the demon bros, do I need to say more? I am, personally, a huge sucker for siblingship of any kind in media. (Maybe because I have a lot of siblings myself? Maybe because my aroace self feel a bigger connection to those relationships even tho I really enjoy romantic ones too). Plus, there is so much fun dynamics to explore with these two; Mel and Zel's childhood, the betrayal, reconciling after everything, or other stuff completely (<- I'm actually low-key working on an au where Mel and Zel are goddesses and Ellie is a demon and it's been really interesting to figure out the brothers' dynamic without the canon betrayal, also they're twins in that one fyi).

10. What work was the quickest to write?

Ooh now that's an interesting question. Let's see... The fastest ones were probably all written in February to be honest, because that was my most productive writing month (I was also doing Febuwhump which added pressure and motivation to complete the fics quick lol).

There All Along was probably the one I finished the quickest. It was written in February, within a day, and also one of my shortest fics.

My Love, It Burns was probably the quickest longer/multichapter fic I wrote this year. It was written during the end of February, also within a day I think, and, well, inspiration just struck. I had a clear idea of what I wanted to write, and was excited to try writing two different endings to the same fic. (Plus I wanted to write the endings close together so they matched up well).

But also telling how quick a fic is to write is hard lol usually I write down the idea and maybe even make the document but then don't actually work on it until days/weeks/months later...

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

This is actually a difficult question. Because while I do love writing about Meliodas (he's my blorbo, my baby - the only fic out out 25 that he wasn't tagged as a character still had him featured in the background and as a "topic"). But I also feel like I tend to write other characters' pov more than his (possibly because he's mostly the one getting whumped lol). So Meliodas is a character I like to write stories of, but if were talking point of view and all, I liked writing Merlin and what's-his-face... Gavin!

Merlin is actually a character I find hard to write (but hey it can be a fun challenge) but also fun to write. I especially love how she can be like a bridge of knowledge between what the other characters know of Meliodas/demons and the truth (that she knows). Writing from Merlin's pov also allows me to really tap into the age and history of Meliodas and her :)

Gavin (my oc from One Man's Beast, aka the Monster Sins AU) was fun to write because to be honest outsider's pov is really funny when the Seven Deadly Sins are involved (the chaos! lol). Also it allowed me to explore the AU in a better way. (<- speaking of, I'm playing around a bit with the outsider's pov in my next Monster Sins AU fic too, because a part of that one is from Dreyfus and/or Hendy's pov)

Anyway! ao3 wrapped (ask game) <- if anyone wanna send me more questions :)

#thanks for the ask <3 #libra answers #zorria #ao3 wrapped ask game #libra talks about her writing #when did this turn into a post promoting my wips lol

[pez-and-quiet]

Okay does anyone ever like cling into something someone said in a conversation that was probably meaningless to them but in someway meant everything to you? Because I do a lot, especially with my one friend.

So We go to the same church and we were at the yearly party/Vidgil we have the night before Good Friday. So we play our usual game of hide and see in the dark of the Church. Everyone teams up and (since me and friend have been being friends more) we teamed up. First round we were looking around for somewhere to hide when he pulls out this god spot of a hiding place.

In the church at the side entry doors there’s this little like room in between two sets of doors. There were these huge stone pillars framing the doors and that’s where we hid (much to my objection) we were out of sight but still in the building.

So we were whisper talking about the others not being able to find us and our friends and school.

We were sitting there across form each other waiting for our friends to come and find us, and I decided to let him in on a secret I’ve been holding onto for a while now. (For context we were somewhat friends before Covid when I was around 10/11 and he was 13/14 then the pandemic hit and we lost contact, but we reconnected a few months ago and it’s awesome) Anyway in 5th grade when all you talk about with your friends is new movies and boys and crushes, someone is bound to ask who you have a crush on. And me being the honest 5th grader I was told the truth “no one” but pretty sure we all know that is never believed and they asked me again and I panicked saying the first name that came to mind (name of new friend from church)

like a couple weeks before that night I had been talking to my two friends (I’ll call M and A) about it (the vidgil, my friend,) and the one story came up. A started calling him “crush boy” and M caught onto it and did aswell (all on good fun) but I thought I was going to die, because I knew that they’d meet at some point most likely at my Confiration since his younger sisters were also getting confirmed. I had no interest in them meeting and A and M calling him “crush boy”

So four years later here I am sitting on the stone floor of a church hiding from our friends in the dark with that same friend telling him the whole story (I’ll be honest it took a bit to get there I was very reluctant at first) waiting to be called weird and immature but he looks at me with a goofy smile on his face and the only thing he says is “I’m honoured it was me” and then conversation moved on a bit and we’re still sitting on the floor somewhat silence someone talking and I don’t really remember what brought I up but he laughs and says some thing along the lines “you know we’re kinda like Steve and Robin, sitting here on the floor of an empty room talking about the randomest things”

And let me tell you I died, I smiled and i know it was a big one that was partially covered by the darkness. “Yea, the bisexual and and lesbian”

Yea so that entire experience had basically been stuck to be like glue and I very much have hyper fixated on the the fact he compared me to my favourite supernatural fighting, sarcastic lesbian who I’m probably unhealthy in love with. Now I regularly call him Dingus and Harrington.

This post ended up being much longer than I planned but in some way I’m slighting glad it worked

This memory would save me from Vecna

#steve harrington #robin buckley #platonic with a capital p #platonic soulmates stobin #stranger things #hideandseekinthedark #confessing a secret to a friend #hope my friend dosnet have Tumblr #dustin henderson #lumax #el hopper #argyle #max mayfield #jonathan byers #nancy wheeler #steddie #ronance #st vecna

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Trigun Stampede Episode 1 Reaction

Ok here goes. Idk how entertaining I'll be but... you know. This is mostly because I am having a weird time of things rn. Also, I have no background knowledge of this series whatsoever asides from that it might be a western and there was a 90s series and manga also, so if you're an og fan and this is painful... I am sorry lol.

But without further ado, let's go!

Oh. We're in space. ...ok then!

Well this just went poorly. Rip cryo-people.

Noooo mom :(

Ok so I can't tell; is the ship on autopilot or is Nai piloting it, because if it's the latter - you go, little guy, you got skill.

Cannot explain how funny this is. "I would like to use my communication skills more! I would like to make a positive impact!" <- every resumé ever if you want to get a job lol. Birth place "December"... interesting. There's also a "November" and a "July". Why all names of the months? But it's also May, like, temporally - is that not a bit confusing for people? I don't know what "PE081" means as a birth date... also she is. Tiny. Smol, even.

Ah, young idealist, older cynic dynamic. Always pretty fun.

These two have now both shoved papers in each other's faces. Whipping your coworker in the face with a well-timed paper can be a form of affection... I think?

HJHFBSJHC??????

Are none of them... warm? In these outfits? In the desert?

Bro's arm just fell off. "There it goes" Does this happen a lot to you sir???

Our protagonist, everyone.

"He's evil and destructive" Have you... looked at him. Like, don't judge a book by its cover but. Have you looked at him?

^He has kicked puppy energy.

I have nothing to say. Just look at this.

Map! I love maps!

Sand ocean??? Like there's no oceans? How do they get water??? Odd that July is here but not December or November. I'm assuming these are three of the "seven cities"? What are the other four? Are they also month-themed? Also some of these names are real funny. These people naming their towns and cities like "Creepy Valley" and "Stinky Lakeside". Actually seems quite normal to me tbh. And we are in Jeneora Rock atm it seems. Is it going to update as we go? That'd be cool! :D

Hjdfhvdjh he just stayed tied up for. Some reason. Roberto's face 😂

Oh, huh. Plants are. Biological organisms and not power plants. Like I assumed. So they were made but can't be made anymore because they don't have the knowledge or the technology? Odd...

His bounty is about the same as a new plant... how convenient...

Ok I know I said 'kicked puppy energy' earlier but you don't have to actually kick him...

Boy really does not want to hurt anyone :( (Hmmm now I'm starting to think he probably has at some point...)

Damn, that's some quick thinking Roberto.

Meryl: "Idk senpai this guy seems like he sucks" hjfhgnvj

Aw, buddy. Dropping the goofiness as soon as the crowd can't see him anymore :(

Hey I just realized his jacket has "SEEDS" on the arm like the spaceship! But he didn't have the coat when he got ejected so...... I'm sure I will find out later.

You guys cannot hear the quiet giggling I'm making right now. This shot plus the music - I was right about the western genre apparently, it's just on another planet.

BRO????? Where'd you pull the rocket launcher from?????? Wtf????? Why would you do that?????

Ah. He's lost his mind.

Roberto just bodily flinging Meryl into the alley ahdfihvs

He's out of bullets??? 😭

...he's crying.

Dang Meryl, you got a great throwing arm!

Oh shit. Yeah, I had a feeling he was actually extremely competent. He's holding back on purpose.

NO FRICKIN WAY. ONE BULLET WAS ALL HE NEEDED???

Ok now the animators are just showing off.

Oh. Hm. I was wondering where Nai went and. Hm. Yeah the whole accomplice thing might explain Vash's reticence to actually fight. His brother killed Rem? Yikes. He did offer his hand out to her at the beginning though... idk did he really mean for her to die along with the others? The music is hauntingly beautiful btw!

...his name is Millions Knives?

Aaaand that's a wrap on that! I'm intrigued and I feel like this episode answered absolutely nothing but raised a whole lot of questions, which is, well, what a first episode should do. The animation is really sharp geez. I generally prefer 2D animation but there's a lot of character to the expressions and motions - I think they really pulled it off!

Until next episode!

#story watches trigun stampede #trigun stampede #hope this is at least kind of fun? sorry I haven't been great about updating #I am juggling a lot of things atm #storyrambles

[bellaleighwrites]

Writeblr Intro

General Info

Hello! My name is Isabella. I'm in my 40s (a sentence that I'm going to have to change in 13.5 months, but leaving it for now). I've been writing for as long as I can remember. We won't talk about most of my early attempts. I could probably recreate the story I wrote in 7th grade word for word if I wanted to. But, the only reason to do that would be to torture somebody with it. And I don't have anybody I dislike enough to make them read that thing. Same as any of the poetry I wrote during my poetry phase in junior high and high school.

Currently, I work at the service desk in a grocery store. It's great for people watching. Of course, it's also good for making me want to never leave my house and not have to deal with people ever again. If I could get my ADHD brain to work long enough to look into classes, I really want to go into accounting or bookkeeping. The morning bookwork is my favorite part of my job honestly (other than most of my coworkers. I DO like them). I'm the oldest of 4 girls (though, technically one of them is actually a sister from another mister. But, her kids call me and my other sisters "aunt" and my parents "grandma and grandpa" so she still counts.) and have TEN niblings ranging in age from 19 down to almost 8. I think. I tend to lose track of the younger ones.

Anyway! On to my writing! Which is honestly the most interesting thing about me, anyway.

I am in the process of revising my first novel. It's an Urban Fantasy about a vampire who is trying to protect his girlfriend in a world going increasingly mad. He has reason to believe that his Sire is in town and gunning for his friends. He's been informed by the local seer that he will somehow be instrumental in preventing the end of the world. There is apparently a Necromancer loose in the city - and when you and most of your friends are dead, that is a bit concerning. And the firestarting abilities he thought he lost when he was turned have returned, and after 275 years of being dormant they're out of control. This is the first in a series. The book doesn't have a title yet, but the series is called The Vampires of Sangue Collina. Any posts about it will be tagged with #Sangue Collina.

I am also writing the first draft of a Historical Romance. a Regency-era second chance romance. Four years ago, Evelyn and Lucas fell in love. But, her stepfather intended to marry her to the son of an associate of his, using her dowry to pay off a gambling debt. Evelyn takes one night for herself and sleeps with Lucas before running away. Four years later, Lucas has a bad riding accident and in his moments of semi-lucidity the only coherent thing he can say is Evelyn’s name. So, his older brother tracks her down. When he finds her, he also discovers that she has had Lucas’s baby. He drags them both back to London. When Lucas finally actually wakes up and finds out about their child - and about the fact that her stepfather is still looking for her - he realizes the only way to protect them is to marry her. Of course he kind of hates her for what she did, and never mind her reasons. I'm 12 scenes in and really like most of what I have, even though I know that it DOES need a lot of work. I'm probably going to have to add in some flashbacks or something. Because the 12th scene is literally the first time Evelyn and Lucas see each other, and they don't have a proper conversation until the next scene. I need to do something about that. But, that is future me's problem. The tags for that are #You're still the one and #ysto.

And then there's my fanfiction. I write Bridgerton. Mostly Kate and Anthony. And it would take way too long to talk about all of my fics on here. I'll be posting later to talk about all of them. And with links to everything.

Anyway! I intend to post writing updates and snippets on here. I'll also be reblogging writing advice and I want to get better about reblogging other people's writing.

I am especially looking for fellow romance writers. Bonus if you also write historical romance. Much as I love my mutuals, it would be great to find people I can talk to about the specifics of my genre.

#writeblr #writeblr intro

[pallastrology]

pulling tarot cards for a month: what i learned 🔮

hello friends, tonight’s post is about a little project i started last month. i have used tarot for a couple of years, on-and-off, and i still feel like a total beginner, so i decided to pull a card each day for a month. i was hoping to both make tarot a habit and part of my daily practices, and kickstart a learning curve for myself. i wanted to share my thoughts and some insights i found particularly poignant or interesting, so read on if you’d like 💜

mostly, i just did a simple one-card pull at the start or end of the day, examined the card to figure out the meaning and then did some research to see how close i was, and what i missed. although this approach is helpful for starting to read intuitively, based off of the imagery of the cards themselves, it often felt quite rudderless and unstructured, and i found myself struggling to really put the cards into context within my day and life. looking back on the month, i can however see some themes that pop up repeatedly.

i got a lot of cups and pentacles, which really make sense for me as my focuses in life right now are very earth and water; i’m starting university and making plans to relocate and work on my career, while also reflecting a lot in counselling sessions and trying to heal my wounds and looking deeply into my religious and spiritual beliefs. i got mostly twos, fours and nines, which again, make sense to me; two indicating connection and duality, four representing stability and security; nine, reflection and culmination. i got the hanged man a few times, showing that i feel at a crossroads right now. i got the lovers and the devil a few times, honing in on the internal struggle of patience, and of doing the right thing. it's too personal to share here but once, i got a really specific and poignant card on a really difficult day, and then another, much lighter, card showed up later on that evening.

i noticed that when i had a specific question or issue in mind, i got a much clearer answer. it’s hard to say whether that’s bias on my part, because right now i’m still at the age of learning tarot where i don’t speak the language yet, so to speak. i don’t have that intuitive understanding yet, so i think i need something specific to anchor myself to when reading the cards. for example, when i asked the question, “is X worth the wait?”, i got the lovers - pretty clear in my opinion. a while later, an opportunity came up that would mean moving away from what i’m waiting for, and i asked again, “should i wait?”. i got the hanged man, 2 of swords, and the devil. again, i feel i got a very clear answer, and this time with more context (natural when i pull more cards, i suppose) and it seemed like a harsher response too, like it was sick of hearing the same question lol.

on the 30th, i did a spread for the full moon. i used this spread by @hermitsmirror as it really appealed to me, as a native pisces moon with big dreams and little direction in life right now. i was pretty surprised with my results, as i got almost all cups, as well as the hermit, and a couple of clarification cards for one of the questions. i am a little confused about one of the questions on the spread, or rather, the answers i got, but everything else i can see and make sense of. i found it a really insightful spread that got me reflecting and making some connections. i’m planning on consulting with my best friend and very talented tarot reader, @neptuneandwine to help me understand the parts that confused me though :-)

all in all, i found this experience really insightful and reading through my notes from the month has definitely inspired me to take this further, and make tarot a bigger part of my life and daily practice. it’s been interesting to look at divination from a different angle, and to start putting together the meanings of the cards to analyse my daily pulls. i’m looking forward to seeing where tarot takes me and how i can integrate it with my astrology practice too! i'm hoping that, with more practice, i can feel confident using more spreads and asking more questions.

kira xo

#pallastrology #astrology #astrology blog #tarot #tarot cards #daily tarot