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genderdisaster · 8 months

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The Doorway

I sat in the driver's seat, A/C blasting my face while the sun beat through the windshield. Phone perched precariously on the steering wheel, camera pointing back at me, I waited to be connected to my clinician. The loading animation continued to spin, and I wondered what the hell I had gotten myself into. I had, without knowing, picked the hottest day of the year so far to book my telehealth visit, and even with the air conditioning on high, the back of my shirt was already soaked through with sweat. Every step of this process was difficult, and it made me wonder if this was all the universe giving me a sign that I was making a grand mistake. My fan belt squealed with protest as the AC compressor kicked in again.

This strange arrangement was the product of a grand revelation from three weeks prior. Laying in bed in the wee hours of the morning, I had this sudden realization--what if I'm not the man I always resigned myself to be? Why was I so worried about fitting into this mold of masculinity that felt so alien and foreign to me? What if I could be something else? Something different? Why didn't I take the plunge and finally make an appointment for HRT like I had been dreaming of ever since I had learned about informed consent prescribing? I had run out of excuses and, at 3am on a work night, I scheduled a consultation at the local clinic.

I postponed the first date.

I nearly postponed the second date.

But I couldn't keep putting this off forever.

A face suddenly shot into view on the cell phone screen. A medical assistant was there to walk me through the initial steps of the consultation and to gather medical and billing information. She told me her pronouns, asked me for mine, and I was hit with the full weight and realization that "Oh, this is a thing I need to start thinking about." I had gone my entire life fitting neatly into the "he/him" box because it seemed like the logical choice given where I was positioned in my family and in society writ large. By extension, I felt safe in that role because I felt invisible. I enjoyed a considerable amount of privilege because of those pronouns, but they never really felt like me. I sheepishly replied "they/them, please."

And then my phone shut down.

As it turns out, resting your phone on the dashboard of a car in full view of the sun on a 95 degree day is not a great idea. Neither is using that same phone for a teleconference via 5G and charging it at the same time. My poor phone, overwhelmed by the elements and the task at hand, had overheated halfway through the intake and put itself into "safe mode." I could make phone calls, but all other apps were off limits until the temps came down. Unofficially, I told myself that even my phone couldn't take the vulnerability of the situation. The medical assistant called me back, thankfully, and we were able to get through the rest of the intake portion. My phone, for its part, gradually came back from the brink of self-immolation and played nice during the phone call--provided I kept the cool air blowing over the back of it. All cleared and ready to go, I was placed into holding-mode for my appointment with the doctor.

There's something about being on hold on a telemedicine app that makes it so much more fraught than in an actual office. In an office, even if the doctors and the rest of the staff forget about you, there will inevitably be a kindly janitor or cleaning crew to come by and tell you "everyone's gone, bud. Go home." But on a telehealth call? Does the app disconnect? Does the clinician get a reminder? Do I just wait for the inevitable heat death of the universe? All those questions (and more!) swirled around in my head as I waited for the clinician. Five minutes turned into ten, which turned into twenty, eventually closing in on an hour. I worried that, given the issues with our initial connection, I was missing the actual appointment and this screen would just keep refreshing. Maybe, in a more realistic sense, I was worried about this timing because I felt so vulnerable and downright …weird sitting here, waiting to talk to someone about all of this from inside my car in a strip mall parking lot. I made a mental note to come back at some point and try the barbecue spot near the end.

After an eternity, the screen finally changed to indicate that I was being placed into a session with a clinician. As the screen momentarily blinked out, however, I caught my reflection in the blackness of my phone. I saw my face, my full beard, my square jaw and well-coiffed hair. I felt like a fraud. How could I be anything other than a man? Who was I kidding? What would this clinician think of all this? I imagined her looking at me with complete incredulity, asking "Are you sure this is what you really want to do? Maybe you should come back in a few weeks or a month, just to see if you change your mind? Is this all some Weird Sex Thing™?"

"Hello, can you hear me?" she started.

At least, that's what her lips were indicating as they moved. The audio was still utterly silent on my end. On the screen sat a young woman clad in a fuzzy micro-fleece half-zip, the wall behind her emblazoned with slogans about safety, validity, and acceptance. She looked friendly, accepting, safe.

"I cannot hear you." I began, "Can you hear me?"

The woman nodded her head and began fiddling with some wires on her desktop, mildly flustered with the technology issues. After a few failed attempts, (was this another sign?) she began chatting with me via the app--

"I can hear you, is this XXXXX?"

I indicated yes.

"Great, can you verify your birthday for me?"

I told her my date of birth, and she responded that she would call me to finish up the assessment. The little voice again, echoing from the back of my mind--"This is a siiiiign!"

My phone started ringing. I picked it up.

"Hello?" I began.

"Hello! Can you hear me now?" she asked. I could, to my relief, hear the chipper and friendly voice coming from the other end.

Things smoothed out considerably after that point. We went over my medical history (high blood pressure, anxiety, neurodivergence), my feelings about gender (neither feeling masculine or feminine strictly, but leaning more fem in overall feeling), goals for transition (to demasculinize, first and foremost), and we mapped out a game plan moving forward. I would be starting on a normal dose of transdermal Estrogen as monotherapy; my blood pressure medications wouldn't interact well with Spiro, but I could always add that on in the future with the blessing of my regular GP. In terms of social transition, we discussed the issues that I face with coming out as anything other than strictly cis-passing in my day-to-day professional life. Finally, we would follow-up in 90 days to see where my levels were at and how I felt. She sent the script off to my pharmacy, as I actively felt my heart rate returning to normal and my shoulders relaxing for the first time in hours.

I did it. I took the first step through the doorway to a new me. I had been lingering on a threshold for most of my life without even realizing it, and I had taken the first step at last. I finally began to move past the fear and shame, and towards the feelings that simmered under the surface for years.

I felt a new and exciting feeling. Hope.

#lgbtq #gender #nonbinary #blogging #trans #hrt #mtf hrt #transitioning

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keanureevesisbae · 4 years

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So Henry, you want to start a YouTube channel? - Prologue

Summary: Twenty five year old YouTuber Sandy Choi has no idea that one of her five million subscribers is the one and only Henry Cavill. When he asks her to help him out with starting his own YouTube channel, she falls more and more in love with her. But she should’ve known that dating one of the most desirable bachelors, does come with a prize.

Henry Cavill x Sandy Choi (ofc)

A/N: What does one do when finding a new obsession with a celebrity? In my case, you write a fanfic series about it... and create an entire YouTuber including a channel introduction. Oops. If you want to be on the taglist for this one (I figure the people on my taglist for Keanu Reeves stories don’t want to be included on this one - if i figured wrong, let me know), please tell me and I’ll add you on it.

Wordcount: 1.3k

Masterlist // Channel introduction // Chapter 1

It has been about three months since Henry Cavill stumbled upon Sandy Choi’s YouTube channel and he is thanking the YouTube algorithms every single day for recommending it to him. He was surprised that he never heard about her before, since her channel is pretty big and well known, but maybe he is too old to keep up to date with YouTubers nowadays.

He binge watched her videos, watching clips from her from three years ago when she started her channel. Seeing her grow from a twenty two year old college student, to a successful YouTuber and young adult author, impresses Henry. He felt like he didn’t have his life together at that age at all and she seems so at ease. She has achieved great thing so far and watching her vlogs, helps him take his mind off his own life and the stress that sometimes comes with it.

He has a YouTube account, but only uses it to be subscribed to her channel and liking her videos. He doesn’t want to miss any of her updates on her channel. Henry is plopped on his couch, cuddling with Kal when he gets a notification.

Sandy Choi has uploaded a new video. Without thinking twice he opens the YouTube app on his iPad. He shouldn’t be this obsessed with a twenty five year old YouTuber, but it’s something about her aesthetic, about her calm way of talking and how she takes the viewers with her. It’s like being there with her and God, does he want to spend some time with her, even if she is just editing a new video, her book or is taking them with her during photoshoots.

The video loads and he gives it a thumbs up before the video has even started. Kal places his head on Henry’s lap, sighing deeply, as if the big fur ball knows that his owner will not give him any attention for the next fifteen minutes.

The slow song fills his living room, as he watches her introduction. They’re all snippets of today’s vlog, since he has never seen the footage before. Seeing her smiling in the camera, makes his heart flutter.

He feels like a teenager again, with the way he has this permanent grin plastered on his face, every time she posts things and he watches the entire video.

‘It’s the first of July,’ Sandy says, as she is sitting in front of her mirror, trying to fix her hair. Her make-up is all set and done. It’s very minimal, like usual, but with a brighter pink lipstick. ‘And that means in three days it’s the Fourth of July and I won’t be spending it in LA.’

Henry looks at his phone, to see that this was filmed two days ago. With the lighting speed she edits, he often wonders if she has some sort of magic powers.

‘It’s pretty weird actually,’ Sandy continues, ‘not to spend time with family on the Fourth. I moved here about seven months ago and ever since I stepped a foot in London, my parents have been sending me some serious threats about how I should fly back to LA on the Fourth of July. My birthday, Thanksgiving, they don’t care about that, weirdly enough.’

Henry lives in London, but he has yet to bump into her. He recognizes the places she visits and when he visits them, he never sees her, though he keeps his eyes out, praying for her to be there. God, he wishes he would just bump into her, though he has no idea what to say to her. Hi there, I’m Henry Cavill and I’m obsessed with your videos? He’ll probably scare her away.

He watches the entire vlog intently, as Sandy is taking the viewers with her for a stroll in the park, a nice cafe that he now wants to visit and eventually she goes to the dance studio.

She is a great dancer and he sometimes wonders why she’s not doing anything with it. The way she moves her slender body and knows how to control it, is absolutely mesmerizing. She posted a few dance covers on her channel, but she’s always alone. Never dancing with someone. He wonders if she comes up with these dances herself, whether or not she is free styling.

The video is almost over, yet he doesn’t want it to be over. She could make vlogs that are twenty four hours long, and he would watch it in one sitting. She’s crouched down in front of the camera, still in the dance studio, while she pulls out her hair tie, letting her long dark brown locks fall over her shoulders. ‘So,’ she says with a soft smile, ‘I’m sorry today was a pretty boring day. It’s just that I have been spending so much time editing my newest novel, that I just couldn’t read the last two chapters anymore, so I’ll be doing that tomorrow or later this week. I work ahead of schedule anyway, so I have some leverage. I just wanted to get a nice and quiet day in, so I’m going home now and maybe rewatch something on Netflix. I’m not in the mood for something new, since I have to focus on understanding the story, you know, so I think the Witcher will do for now. Haven’t had my fair share of Henry Cavill today.’

Henry can’t seem to focus on the last part of the vlog, where she wishes everyone a good day and the outro starts. She is going to rewatch the Witcher? Meaning, she has already watched it? She hasn’t had her fair share of him today?

What does that even mean?

And the way she said his name, he is going to die if he would rewatch that part.

Someone calls him and he picks up without looking. ‘Yeah?’ he says when he answers the phone, still living a bit on cloud nine.

‘For the love of God, man, you’re getting more and more impersonal every time I call,’ he hears his friend Jackson say from the other end of the line. ‘Where the fuck are you, man? We were supposed to meet each other like five minutes ago.’

Henry jumps up from his couch. ‘Crap, I forgot.’

‘Figured.’

‘I’ll be there in a second.’ He storms to the hallway, to find his running shoes, but he has to walk upstairs for them.

‘You’re always on time. What happened today?’

‘I was watching something.’

Jackson starts to laugh from the other side of the line. ‘Let me guess: a certain someone uploaded her newest vlog? Does her name start with an S and end with andy Choi?’

‘Very funny.’ Jackson was never supposed to find out about this guilty pleasure of his, but somehow Jackson did find out, like he always does. Sometimes Henry hates his friend, since he can read him way too well and pesters him afterwards.

‘Well, hope it was worth it,’ Jackson says. Henry can hear the smile in his voice and that means that he is going to mention this during their entire run.

Henry rushes outside after he slipped on his running shoes. ‘It was totally worth it,’ he says. Knowing he’ll tell Jackson anyways, he adds: ‘She said my name, you know.’

‘Shut up.’

‘I’m not,’ Henry says with a smile.

‘She honest to God said your name?’

‘Yeah and she is rewatching the Witcher.’ Henry can’t seem to get the permanent grin off his face. He hears her say it over and over in his head, visualizing it with the lovely smile on her face.

‘You need to fucking grow some balls, follow her on Instagram and slide into her DM’s. Everyone does that nowadays.’

‘I’m not going to do that.’

‘No, what you are going to do is bother me with questions like: “Why is she so pretty?” and “When am I going to run into her?”. Like I can answer those. It’s obvious that she is simply rewatching the Witcher because of the way you look. Everyone on earth is into you, why wouldn’t she?’

Henry clears his throat, before he says: ‘See you in three minutes.’

Taglist: @flhorah

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill x oc #so henry you want to start a youtube channel #henry cavill x Sandy choi #getting obsessed with henry cavill

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youarejesting · 4 years

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Curse.6 The last batch

[First] [Masterlist] [Next] Beta: @lunarlxve, @sweetnspicy93 Rating: PG Pairing: Prince!Jin x Reader Genre: fantasy, romance, comedy, drama, mystery, and more good stuff

Summary: A modern-day fairy tale whereby seven young princes born under King Bang’s greed cannot find true love. Unless they break a special spell, called the ‘Bang curse’. In order to break the curse, Prince Seokjin must be loved by a ‘Blue’ blood, by a royal. That seems almost impossible when you have a pig nose. (based off the movie Penelope)

[Story Give Away]

The alarm on your phone was going off. The cursed Marimba pierced through your dreams with the same intensity it did your ears. You had come home late from the bar where you had barely made enough to cover rent and your bills. You weren't one to wake up before noon, you usually took night jobs as they paid more. You're sleep addled brain was trying to catch up to why you set your alarm so early today

Rolling over your back, you stretched and cracked each vertebrae into place. Opening a single eye, you attempted to read your phone screen and caught the alarm name through blurred vision. ‘Meet with Prince’. Snorting at the absurdity of such a name for an alarm and switched it off as quickly as possible, throwing the electronic device back onto the mattress, and nestling into the pillows to try to regain some of your lost sleep. At least that was the plan until your phone pinged.

Who the hell is texting you this early? Whoever it was, you were ready to give them a lengthy and highly inappropriate response. Sneering at your phone, you sat up with a guttural growl, your body teetering forward before you regained your balance, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. “Just a reminder to all the ladies for the group meeting, it is today at Nine Thirty please be there on time for paperwork. The meeting with the prince is at Ten.”

9:20

Realization fell over you, and you screamed, flailing out of bed, getting caught up in phone charger cords, blankets, and sheets. Crawling across the ground, you grabbed your closet doors, ripping them open and scrambling to grab the outfit you had picked out the night before. You paused, looking at the text, which told you to dress casually. You hummed, looking at the cute dress that would go well with the pink blazer. You instead chose a pair of ripped black jeans and a basic white Tee.

Pulling them on, you splashed on the quickest and simplest makeup grabbing your bag and running. You ran across town, arriving out the front of the palace and getting pulled behind a van. Fists raised ready to throw hands at your attacker, you turned to see a weird-looking man and a small young lady biting her nails behind him, eyeing off the palace. “You are Suryeon, aren’t you?”

“What?” You shouted, lowering your fist as you remembered you were supposed to be pretending to be Suryeon to get a photo of the prince. “uh yeah. That’s me.”

“You wore that?” The young woman asked, eyeing your outfit incredulously like she couldn’t comprehend anyone wearing these clothes.

“It said to dress casually, so I did?” Looking over her designer trousers pressed perfectly and the luxury brand shirt and jacket, she undeniably looked better, like royalty.

“Well put the jacket on, and head in you are running late,” You slipped the jacket on, and he explained, “When you want to take a picture, this button on the inside hem at your hip will trigger the camera to take a picture. The camera is here in the pin on your lapel.”

“Got it, Let’s go” you turned and ran off towards the gates when you heard them calling your name; you ignored them, they both seemed crazy, and you didn’t want to linger around them too long. This was just work, a job and your only task was to get a photo of the eldest prince that no one had ever seen.

You arrived in the waiting room and took the clipboard flicked through and signed on the bottom of every page without care, you read the words on the final page as you wrote the date. ‘If you agree to the terms within the contract and the repercussions if they are breached, please sign on the final line’. That was clear, but the line was not, there were three lines. Everyone was handing their documents over and you sighed, and signed the very last line and handed it over walking in last.

Everyone was staring at you as you walked in there. There were a total of perhaps twenty females, including you and Adora, who told everyone to get comfortable while she went to take the files away and said the chat room will be opened soon. The door closed behind her, and you looked around to see everyone’s eyes on you. Spotting a spare seat on the four-person couch, you sat down politely, respecting everyone’s space.

The others were quick to stand up from their seats and walked away. One of the particularly rich-looking females sneered backing away from you as if you held her at gunpoint, “You have hair rollers in your hair?”

“Thank you for telling me,” You pulled the rollers free and shoved them in your bag.

“Cute bag, where did you get it?”

“The second-hand store,” you admitted before biting your lip regretting your words. “I like to dress like poor people, the street style, you wouldn’t understand. You don’t look like you are in the cool crowds, but it's all the new trends, the style you have is classified as grandmother style clothes compared to mine.”

They visibly squared their shoulders and glanced up from their phones suddenly all ears to this new trend. You walked around to the mirror, playing the room with your words trying to appear as wealthy and snobbish while dressed in absolute garbage compared. “Yeah, the trend is taking the ripped look to a whole new meaning. If you don’t look borderline homeless, you aren’t part of the cool crowd. I am only on the edge of cool because I am not ready to commit to such an extreme look.”

“The rollers are part of it, though. I had to trade my bejeweled ones for these because they were too fancy. You can try it if you want, the style is a poor leading lady. In dramas, they are always clumsy and messy, and they have the male lead come in and give them the makeover.” To say you were impressed was an understatement, the fact you had these women hanging on to every word you said. Perhaps you were a swindler in your past life. “If you want to marry a really wealthy man, the statistics say that the poorer and helpless the woman looks, they are more likely to go after them.”

“It makes them feel manly to provide for their woman, I am pretty sure in Hollywood they are calling it the ‘fixml’ which is like a side by side term they use for fixing up cars but means ‘Fix my love’. I wore the best with my rare one of only three made bags from this year's collection, and they shunned me. I had to learn quick” Seriously, you were making this up on the fly, perhaps you were an actor. This level of improvisation was amazing; you knew there were actors out there that wished for this skill.

One of the girls who looked really intrigued started inspecting your jeans commenting on how well it made you fit the ‘aesthetic’ and even let you put the rollers messily into her hair. You bluffed your way through it, telling her it accentuated certain parts of her face.

“You see how this roll out here shows the almost childlike nature and makes you appear more youthful if I had to guess your age before this, I would say twenty-eight,” her mouth fell into a frown. “With this look, I would say a cheeky twenty-two.”

The other girls joined in complimenting her and trying out certain looks in the mirror. Everyone received a link for the chat room, all talk ceased, and they were on their phones. You were staring at your phone and trying to get it to load. Your phone was older and took longer to load up.

You were walking around the room trying to get some signal to help the app download quicker, the girls starting to murmur about the prince, your hand extended and you bumped into the side table. Your fingers curled around the nearest object to regain balance but soon you lost it and fell behind the couch taking the vase with you.

There was a series of high pitched screams, each blood curdling and made you freeze behind the couch. Was this all a trap, lure women in with money and then kidnap them? Was the eldest prince a serial killer and had women brought to the castle for him to slaughter?

“Ah I promised I wouldn’t scare them away, I promised I would take this seriously.” The voice was kind of soft and sad. Whatever it was, the women had run off, the door shutting behind them. Peeking over the couch, the room was empty of the women, but there was a retreating figure. You had never thought there was any meaning to the term ‘prince figure’ but if there was a perfect example, this was it. He had broad shoulders and a thin waist, proportions other men would kill for, and women dreamed of in a man.

So why did they run away, a door you hadn’t noticed in the corner swinging shut. Leaving you with just another mirror. You walked over to it and tried to see through the glass. There was no way to open it from this side, once it was closed. Or at least no obvious way to an outsider like yourself. The phone in your hand pinged a number of times, indicating that you had received the messages you had missed before all the ladies had run out.

You sat on the couch, promptly lying across the cushions, reading through the texts sent between the ladies and the prince. You were prepared some unsolicited pictures of the prince. Something discriminating against him, there had to be something wrong; otherwise, there was something wrong with the ladies you had met today. Why would you run from such perfection?

Even his voice was charming and beautiful, you wondered what he looked like. Imagining dark eyes and hair like his brothers wondering if you should try to Photoshop the brother’s faces together and try to come up with a face that felt right. Suddenly you wanted to see his face not for the photo, not for the money but simply to feed your curiosity.

It was when you started to read the messages from the rude women demanding that he show his face, and accusing him of being the ugly brother, some spouting past rumors that had once spread through the town that he was deformed or a cripple. You could almost imagine the voice you had heard earlier, getting frustrated, adopting a more clipped tone.

You reached the end, and all you could see was Adora, the woman running the meet going off at the prince for his behavior You couldn’t help but laugh at his response. “They made me mad ‘dora seriously you try being locked up all your life and have people spouting rumors about your cognitive ability and lack of limbs” You laughed at his words, you had felt the same way whilst reading the texts, empathizing with the prince.

I decided to text him, show him some form of friendship. It must really suck to be locked away, never being able to hang out or have fun with friends. You honestly thought it was King Bang’s paranoia that had him locked away in fear that his eldest, who was to provide him with heirs and take the throne, would be killed.

But what would you send, you would have to think of an appropriate opening line for text. As you lounge on the sofa that was bigger and felt softer than your single thin foam mattress you had on the floor of your apartment. You called yourself a minimalist, but really money had just gotten tight, and you had to sell everything.

Pausing between potential texts, you looked around spotting a gold candelabra, which would probably be worth a lot of money, but you shook your head. You just had to get a photo of the prince, and then you would get paid.

Turning back to your phone, you started the text.

Tags: @knjkitten @wystfulaster @unadulteratedlyunique @sungiesangel @btsanonus @moccahobi @cloud-sitting @take-u-2-an0ther-w0r1d @bluehairedotakugem

[Story Give Away]

How can I Read / Receive updates later?

Follow and turn on notifications so you never miss an update

Add your username to a tag list [HERE]

Reblog this post with the hashtag #SeokjinCurse

Or you can like this post (but good luck trying to find it a week later, we both know how many things you like a day, perhaps we will meet again in the future.)

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always5hineee · 4 years

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Hell and Back- Chapter 14: Fast and Furious (Trial 20)

Word count: 1817

Chapter warnings: Mild language and Dangerous actions

[Please do not replicate any of the behaviors read in this book.]

-----

"Alright, so Lay's agreed to go next." Suho was talking to the group while Y/N and Chanyeol were in the bathroom. "We'll have Y/N do that next."

"Speaking of Y/N, we've all had one, or both turns. She hasn't done any yet." Kyungsoo said with a worried look on his face.

"Yeah, good point, she's skipping out." Kris accused. Shaking his head, the first man amended,

"I didn't mean it like that. Moreso that I'm a little nervous- the challenges keep getting worse, I don't want her stuck doing the worst challenges."

"She'll be fine," Baekhyun said, "Even if she doesn't have a power, the rest of us do."

"You all act like having a power makes you better than me." She said from behind them, causing all of them to spin around in surprise. She and Chanyeol had returned, evidently more quietly than they had expected, as they hadn't even noticed the two walk up.

"Chanyeol, your hair-" Sehun started to say, but Tao was more concerned with Y/N's comment.

"Y/N, no one thinks that. We're just concerned for your safety-"

"Yeah, because you think I'm less safe than you, because I don't have a power. It's not just about abilities, sometimes you have to rely on being smart. Or talented. Don't act like you're special just because you can burn things or pick up rocks with your mind."

"Hypothetically that would make us better." Kris muttered under his breath, earning him an elbow to the side from Lay.

"Ugh, whatever, let's just do the next challenge."

"But-" Suho started.

"Who's next?" She interrupted him, unwilling to talk about it anymore. She hadn't even given them a chance to ask Chanyeol about his hair- they'd probably figure it out.

"Um, me." Lay said, raising a hand slightly.

"What happened to having Luhan do it?"

"His telekinesis is the limited power, so we figured it's better if, you know... someone with..."

"Someone with powers did the challenge." She finished for him, still irritated. "Whatever, that's fine." She pressed his name, noting that it grayed out as soon as she did so. Now that she thought about it, Kai and Baekhyun's had been grayed out as well. Maybe the app knew when each person had taken their max number of turns. The trial loaded up, offering a new task for them to complete.

"Drive 100mph on the freeway," she read out, "With everyone in the car." Continuing, she looked at the italicized text. "You must drive one hundred miles per hour, at least, on a major road (e.g. a road with a speed limit 65 or above and at least two lanes) for at least 120 seconds. If your speed drops below one hundred, your time will reset."

"Shit." Lay breathed in. "That's pretty wild."

"What does it matter? You have a license, you know how to drive." Chen pointed out.

"Yeah, wait, didn't Jackie Chan teach you to drive?" Baekhyun laughed to himself, finding it hilarious.

"That's not what I'm worried about." Lay snapped. "I just don't want to get ticketed. We're not allowed to tell the police about the trials, or else we're disqualified. And I'm not really interested in finding out exactly what the catch 'failure' means."

"Most tickets are done by camera now, anyway." Xiumin reassured him.

"And we're in Kris's car, so he'll get the ticket."

"Oh hell no, I can't afford another ticket!" Kris groaned. "Go get your own car!"

"We're wasting time if we do that," Baekhyun pointed out in a fake-nice tone. "It's easier since we just have yours."

"We also can't all fit, though," Suho pointed out. "If we did happen to get stopped, we'd be in trouble, in more ways than one. Wouldn't getting arrested also breach the trial rules?"

"At this point, we might as well just risk it." Sehun said. "That's why they're trials, right? They're not gonna be easy. The faster we get through this, the faster we can move on. Plus, it's only two minutes. How hard could it be?"

Before they knew it, everyone was piled haphazardly into a continuously complaining Kris's car, Lay at the wheel adjusting the seat and the mirrors. Kris kept whining about this, but everyone basically ignored him. Everyone who was able buckled, sometimes two or three per belt. It wasn't exactly the most effective, but it was the best they could do. As Y/N moved to take a seat, she realized that it was basically full.

"You can have my seat." Kai muttered, moving to get out of the car.

"And where are you gonna sit, on top of me? You'll crush me." She hissed.

"Oh... right." Awkwardly moving the belt, he said, "Just sit on my lap, it's only for a few minutes." She looked past him into the other seats, but her options weren't exactly fantastic. She could sit on the floor, and break her neck if they crashed, and out of the boys in the middle seat, he was the biggest. Finally, she relented, wiggling her way into the car as he shut the door behind her. The belt was just long enough to buckle the both of them into the same seat, pressing her downwards and constricting her breathing slightly.

"Sorry." He mumbled again as Lay started up the car, pulling out to make his way towards the freeway. Breathing in deeply, Lay looked in the rearview mirror.

"Alright, I guess we're doing this. Who's gonna keep time on the drive?"

"I have it on the app." Y/N said. "I'll let you know when you're done." They drove down the street, boys whispering under their breath to each other. She briefly heard Kyungsoo once again trying to reassure Luhan about the trials. She was continually growing more and more worried about his adverse reactions to the trials. Of course, they weren't fun for any of them, but he seemed particularly unsettled.

Suho calmly directed him as they made their way onto the interstate. He obviously hadn't driven in a hot minute, as it wasn't really integral to their daily activities. Honestly, Kris mostly drove, just because he preferred it. Still, that wasn't the trial, so it wasn't an option. He directed the driver to the left lane, explaining the plan.

"It's the afternoon, so thankfully their direction shouldn't be backed up at all. Going out of the city will be crowded, but hopefully the trail will be done long before we turn around or end up on the other side of the city. Get up to 100 as fast as you can, there's no reason to sit at 80 or 90. Make sure you're safe above anything. We can have multiple shots at this."

"Of course you would say that." Kris mumbled.

"The road's clear, get started." Suho directed, leading Lay to slam his foot on the gas pedal. Lurching forward a bit, she tried to keep from looking out the window, simply staring at her screen and waiting for the timer to start. As soon as it did, she swallowed, notifying them,

"Count is going, maintain at least this speed." The seconds ticked by agonizingly slowly, Kai bringing his chin up over her shoulder to try and see the phone. As they continued at the rate they were driving, Sehun shouted something about the RPM meter that she was too stressed to comprehend. Watching the timer, they passed the thirty second mark, the car began vibrating slightly more violently than usual. As Kris had expensive taste, they weren't worried about the car being able to handle it, but generally if you don't run a car at those speeds consistently, it can be a little stiff. Even so, Kris seemed less concerned about the car breaking, and more concerned that Lay was the first one to be able to drive it so fast.

As they approached one minute, she was starting to calm down, almost forgetting what was going on. They were still progressing far slower than she could have ever imagined seconds to be, but they were progressing nonetheless. That was, until he slammed on the brakes. The car lurched forward, causing Y/N to hit her head on the back of the seat, kai quickly trying to maneuver to make sure she was okay. She watched as the time paused, then clicked back down to zero.

"What the hell, man?" Kyungsoo growled.

"I'm sorry! There's someone in front of me! I can't-"

"Start again." He demanded. "And this time don't stop. We don't have leeway to deal with this." As the car in front of Lay pulled into the right lane, (too little too late), he was given the room he needed to start again. The timer started again - Thirty seconds came first. The shaking was less severe this time, serving her hypothesis on the car's workings. They passed one minute. One twenty. When they were about to reach a minute and a half, Lay began to make stuttering noises once again.

"Uh, there's- two car's, I have to stop, I-"

"Don't stop." Kyungsoo demanded from the back seat.

"I don't have a choice! I can't rear end a-" Leaning over into the front, Baekhyun grabbed the wheel with one hand, jerking it to the left. The tires spilled over the edge onto the shoulder, crossing over the rumble strips and vibrating the entire vehicle. If not for Lay's quick adverse reaction, they would have smashed into the concrete wall. Missing the other car by mere inches to the right, they managed to pass, barely maintaining their hundred-mile speed.

"What the fuck?!" Lay screamed, the whole car unsettled by the occurrence, Y/N practically covering her eyes aside from glancing down at the timer.

"Two minutes!" She shouted suddenly. "That's two minutes! You can-" She hadn't even finished her sentence before Lay slammed on the brakes, pulling off into the shoulder, intentionally this time. As he pressed on the brakes once more, Kai anticipated her falling forward this time, grabbing her by the waist to make sure she didn't slide and hit her head. As soon as they had slowed to a stop, he put the vehicle in park, leaning back and breathing out heavily.

"What is wrong with you?!" He asked Baekhyun in a loud shout. "That was fucked up!"

"But we won!" He said with a smile, pointing at Y/N's phone.

"We could have died!"

"But we didn't!"

"But we could have."

"You could have healed us."

"Not if I were dead."

"Okay, then Tao could have reversed time."

"Not if he were DEAD-"

"Look, we're fine," Baekhyun held his hands up. "That's all that matters. Let's just keep moving and not think about this too much! Now you don't have any more personal challenges." Breathing in deeply, sweating slightly, Lay looked over.

"Kris, you're driving us home."

Go to Chapter 15

#exo #exo x reader #exo fanfic #exo fanfiction #kris #luhan #tao #suho #sehun #chanyeol #chen #baekhyun #kai #xiumin #lay #kyungsoo #kpop #x reader #Kpop x reader #Kpop fanfiction #Kpop fanfic #trials

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plutoisaplanet16 · 4 years

Text

21 Reasons to Love Someone

(Damien Haas x reader)

#1. Their Smile

Word count: 1,644

Warnings: none (SFW)

Buy me a coffee

Two words: Defy Media.

At first excitement coursed Damien’s being as he thought about the prospect of having a job where he could sit around and play games all day. However, it did not take him long to feel the same way everybody else in the office did. You knew the pressure took a toll on him when the first thing he did after work was sleep. Damien’s personality shined through on camera, but being the entertaining ball of sunshine for so many videos each day overwhelmed him. When he came home he would say a mindless “hello y/n” and perhaps jokingly say “hello my baby geese” to Freyja and Zelda, but after that he would close the door to the bedroom and plop down on the bed. Sometimes he wouldn’t even bother to take his shoes off. Usually you would just leave him alone for a couple hours until you finished making dinner or the postmate had arrived.

“How was work?” you would ask as you handed him his meal.

He would always tell you, “It was good, but I won’t go into detail. Too much happened today; I’ll probably miss something if I try to tell you.”

Damien would always laugh it off and pretend like it was nothing, but you knew better than to buy into his nightly act. After nearly a year and half of dating, you knew what Damien did when something bothered him. Comedy was his coping mechanism, but after the bright laughter ceased, his face fell into a blank expression: the sparkle in his eyes dulled, his normally rosy complexion seemingly drained in an instant, and lastly, silence filled the room. It was quite frankly the most bizarre phenomenon to behold. All you wanted to do was grab his soft face and kiss his forehead to try and convince him that everything would work out, but this wasn’t a fanfiction or a cheesy romantic comedy. People are more complicated than that.

So that’s how you ended up awake at 3:17 a.m. scouring the internet for Harry Potter house robe cat costumes. Your dry eyes and blurry vision did not deter you from finding that one Esty shop that would grant you wish. Was each costume going to be $45 plus shipping? Yes. But did that stop you? No. This was a mission of love, and for Damien, you would go any distance to see that adorable goober genuinely smile.You were just about to place the order when Damien’s arm pulled you closer into his chest as he looked over your shoulder. Without thinking, you stupidly threw your phone across the room. Luckily it landed in a soft, plushy chair in the corner of the room.

“Y/n, what was that about?” Damien shook his head.

You struggled to find an answer, “Um...uh...”

“Do I even want to know?” he chuckled, “As long as it’s not Tinder I don’t care enough to lose any more sleep.”

“I would never cheat on you!” you exclaimed.

He sleepily mumbled, “I know. I’m too sexy.”

You laughed to yourself as you left the bed to go retrieve your hopefully-not-cracked-phone. You quickly placed the order and crawled back into bed. It was rare that Damien ever complimented himself like that. It reminded you of the Damien you knew before Defy... the Damien who ruffled his hair and smoldered at the camera for a selfie. It was so nice to hear Damien still have his moments of confidence. It gave you hope that your plan would actually work.

5:15 pm. It was almost time.

You had just finished making dinner, and you rushed to set the table neatly. To be honest, what you made shouldn’t even really be considered dinner because it was more or less a buffet of different movie food such as: M&Ms, twizzlers, chips and homemade dip, tiny sandwiches, and of course popcorn. You arranged them into a deliciously looking spread in the finest plastic bowls the dollar store had to offer. (Neither one of you would really want to do dishes anyway.) Once it looked perfect you turned towards the living room to hunt down Freyja and Zelda. You had the costumes neatly folded on the top of the grey, cloth couch. Luckily Freyja was napping on the cushion below them; you petted her gently and unfolded her Ravenclaw house robes. She yawned and stretched right as you were about to wake her. Her eyes fluttered open, and she sniffed the robe. Freyja backed away and her big, glossy eyes moved back and forth between you and the costume.

“It’s for Daddy, okay? Work with me here, please Freyja.”

She meowed back like she understood, and from then on she was compliant. Next, you had to hunt down Zelda. It honestly amazed you how well that chonky cat could hide. You called out her name for what felt like forever until you yelled that Damien would be home soon. A small meow came from underneath the couch.

“Just what am I to you guys?”

Zelda came out and before she even knew what was happening, you squeezed her into her Hufflepuff robes, “Finally.”

Everything was almost perfect; the last thing you had to do was put on your own house robes and get all eight Harry Potter movies out of storage. Sure you would never be able to finish them all in one night, but both of you would give it a valiant attempt. Digging the movies out of the bin would prove to be a challenge because both of you were giant nerds that for some reason decided to just throw all your nerdiness into several boxes and NOT label them. In the fourth of six boxes is where you found the first three movies, and the rest were at the bottom of the fifth box. You decided that after all this was over you and Damien were sure to be doing some serious decluttering for the next week or so. Meanwhile, you had to go light some spooky looking candles, somehow avoid going ahead and digging into the scrumptious food, and put the first DVD in the console.

As the first movie finally loaded, Damien unlocked the door and walked in, “It smells like a theatre in here. What happ-”

He stopped dead in his tracks when saw you with the Sorting Hat on your head and your Harry Potter robes. His face was full of wonder and confusion as he took a couple seconds to slowly look around and examine his surroundings. He giggled at the spooky yet romantic lighting as well as Hedwig’s Theme rattling the walls of the apartment. You hoped you two wouldn’t get noise complaints...again. Damien walked closer towards you, but soon Freyja and Zelda ambushed him by rubbing themselves up against his legs.

He looked down in disbelief, “Freyja...Zelda? Y/n?”

“I’m glad you know all our names,” you teased.

“What is all this? Their costumes? The candles? The food? Harry Potter?” he sat down on the floor next to you.

“Listen Damien, I know something has been up with you these past couple of weeks. I know you love Smosh and your job, and it doesn’t make sense to me why you would be hiding how you really feel from me,” you said.

“Y/n,” he sighed, “It’s complicated, okay? Half the time I don’t even know what’s going through my head when it comes to talking about my day. You are right. I love my job, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. However, I’m having a tough time right now. There are a lot of videos we film in one day, and for someone like me it can easily become too much. The biggest issue is our parent company itself never listening to us; it is so frustrating. I don’t like spreading that kind of negativity so I shove it away, but it seems it has still affected you. It’s hard for me to talk about, and honestly, I just want to figure it out on my own. I don't want to bring you down with me.”

You were kind of hurt that he didn’t feel comfortable telling you everything but you had to respect him, “It’s okay Damien. I won’t push you, but please let me in on some things. I hate sitting here watching you be miserable not being able do a single thing about it. I want to help you, and that’s why I did all this. Sometimes you walk in here, and it’s like I don’t even know who I am looking at. I believe you will find your footing at Smosh, and everyone will soon adore you. I know it didn’t take me long to fall in love with you.”

Damien blushed, “Oh really?”

He smiled. He actually smiled. It was a complete 100% authentic goofy Damien smile that spread from ear to ear. He felt happiness deep down inside because of you, and that is all you could ever ask for. Being the ooey-gooey romantic person you are, you threw yourself onto him and gave him a big kiss on the forehead. No, that kiss wouldn’t really fix much, but it made both of your hearts melt. When you pulled away you looked at his face again; he was still smiling, but it wasn’t the same as it was a moment ago. Instead of bright and bubbly, it was a small adoring grin. His eyes bore into yours, and it was like everything else around you two disappeared.

“Y/n?” he asked.

You answered, “Yes?”

He pulled you into his chest and tightly wrapped his arms around you. His soft heartbeat became like white nose to you, “How come you fell in love with me so fast?”

You pulled away from him and kissed his lips, “How could I not with that smile of yours?”

---------------

Hello! This is my first Smosh fanfiction I have ever wrote. I’m not new to the fanfiction writing world. I’ve had two wattpad accounts and even wrote on a BTS fan app for a while. I dropped this hobby of mine to focus on my senior year of high school. Recently though I have come back to writing due to being stuck in the house and my school year being pretty much over. I decided to start this prompt series because I was bored and itching to write something again. I hope you all have enjoyed this short imagine. It is part one of a twenty-one part prompt list that I have made up myself.

This specific list will, for now, only include past and present Smosh members, but if you would like to see any of these prompts for other fictional characters or real people please let me know in my inbox! I have no requests, and I would certainly love some. Thank you all for reading this!

#smosh #smosh pit #smosh damien #smosh games #harry potter #damien haas #damien #fanfic #fanfiction #damien haas x reader #smosh fanfic #smosh fandom #smosh fanfiction #smosh games fanfic #smosh games x reader #smosh games fanfiction #damien haas fanfic #Damien haas fanfiction

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wellyfullofale · 6 years

Text

come back to me

I got bored of waiting for reunion spoilers and this happened, my own little Robron reunion headcanon. Will probably quickly become canon divergent but thought I’d upload it whilst it could still be plausible. Alex is in it, but only because he’s getting dumped.

Ao3 link here

Word Count: 3750

Aaron’s sat on the ripped leather sofa of some hipster bar in the middle of Leeds, scowl on his face, phone in his hand, and feet up on the low table in front of him because to hell with the rules; nobody’s asked him to move them yet.

He can think of a million places he’d rather be than here.

And one person he’d rather be with.

He winces away that thought, glancing across at Alex stood at the bar with the friends he’d bumped into twenty minutes ago. He’s still looking over at Aaron every few moments, giving him that apologetic wide-eyed shrug that he’s been giving him for about nineteen minutes and thirty seconds, and Aaron rolls his eyes insolently.

He can’t help thinking that Robert wouldn’t have let this happen.

Robert would have given them a few seconds of his time to be civil and then insisted he return to his husband as soon as possible.

Robert wouldn’t have abandoned him for twenty minutes in favour of catching up with his friends.

The fact that Robert didn’t have any friends was beside the point; he wouldn’t have left Aaron to amuse himself like this.

But then Alex wasn’t Robert, was he? And isn’t that the whole point?

Aaron sighs as he returns his attention to his phone screen, refreshing his Instagram feed once more and watching the familiar circle follow its tail in the middle of his screen as his feed loads. He catches his breath as a flash of his ex-husband appears on the screen for a short second – staring at the camera as lights glare in the background behind him, three others in the photo with him but Aaron doesn’t have time to catch who it is as the screen cruelly refreshes again a second later without him asking it to, and Robert’s gone.

Again.

He swallows down, tries to ignore the way his breath had caught in his throat at the sight of him; tries to tell himself his heart isn’t still beating a little faster now; his mouth isn’t watering with the reminder of how fucking gorgeous his ex is.

He locks his phone screen, throws it into his lap screen side down, it sliding into the dip of the V between his thighs, and he bites down on the rough skin at the corner of his thumbnail as he tries to tell himself it’s over, it’s over, it’s over.

Alex looks over again – he had been laughing at something his friend said until he’d seen the look in Aaron’s eye, and he looks to the ground sheepishly before trying to back away, only to find another friend appear through the entrance to the bar and exclaim his name in excitement, running towards him for a welcoming hug.

There’s that apologetic glance again.

Aaron sighs; he’s more than had enough of it, if he’s honest.

Robert wouldn’t let this happen.

He curses the thought away, tells himself Alex is everything Robert isn’t for a reason. He’s done nothing but treat Aaron well – when he’s there, of course; such is the life of a junior doctor – and Aaron knows that this is the relationship he supposedly needs in his life. Drama-free, stress-free.

Excitement-free.

He bites at his lip, as if he’s punishing himself for that thought.

It’s not like Alex doesn’t try. In fact, he tries too hard sometimes – always cooking for him, agreeing to anything Aaron suggests. Always making the effort to come around even after a busy shift, even if all he has the energy to do when he gets to Mill is to fall asleep on the sofa.

He apologises every time – insists he won’t make the same mistake again next time, not when he has the opportunity of taking someone as gorgeous as Aaron to bed with him – but then next time comes and Aaron can see the weariness in his eyes, and he encourages the glass of red wine that he knows will have Alex falling asleep on the sofa, and he can’t find it in himself to want to wake him up and give him a reason not to fall asleep either.

There’s no point; Aaron knows.

It’s never going to compare, anyway.

They’ve been like that since Christmas – since Aaron let Robert go a second (final) time; since he felt a piece of his heart turn to stone, forever crystallised with the kaleidoscope image of one single man trapped inside of it.

He feels his phone burning temptation against his thigh; that flicker of Robert’s face on Instagram flashing behind his eyelids as he grits his teeth; scratches at his eyebrow to try and stop himself from giving in and checking where Robert is; who he’s with.

He feels a rage burn up inside of him – knows it’s for Robert; for the way that Robert is still making him feel, even after everything. Even after that night last week, when they’d said things to one another that Aaron knew, deep in his heart, he couldn’t take back; wouldn’t ever want to take back, not really. That night they’d faced everything, all that they’d done to one another, all that they were to one another.

And Robert had still told him he needed Alex; still told Aaron he deserved better than Robert.

“You deserve him.”

That’s what Robert had said, emphasis on the him because his whole body was aching for Aaron’s touch, but he knew that Aaron needed someone better than Robert.

“You deserve the life he can give you, Aaron. A good life, with a good guy. He saves lives for a living, for god’s sake. Your mum likes him, Paddy likes him. He can help you. I’m just messed up, I can’t even help myself.”

He knew the words off by heart, had replayed them over like a nightmare for the past week.

He’d wanted to snap back at Robert – tell him he didn’t get to decide for him what made him happy; didn’t get to push Aaron back to Alex, when all he got from Alex was the constant knowledge that he was settling for something less than what he knew he could have – but Liv had walked in, expressed her disgust at finding them on the sofa together having clearly just woken up, and Robert had quickly made his excuses and got up to leave.

He’d barely seen him in the week since.

He’d tried to ignore the night they’d spent together, and the admissions they’d made to one another, but every night his head hit the pillow, the memories flickered behind his eyelids on a loop, haunting him.

He ignored Alex’s texts for most of the week, not able to offer any explanation when Alex had turned up on his doorstep, asking where his boyfriend had gone.

The word had made Aaron’s stomach turn.

Alex assumed it was because he’d taken a last minute shift swap that meant he’d had to work Valentine’s Day, and he was annoyingly apologetic as Aaron reluctantly lied, agreeing that was the reason for his cold shoulder – even if Aaron had grimaced at the mere mention of the idea of romance. Alex has insisted once his run of nights was over that he’d take Aaron out for date night.

Aaron hadn’t even wanted to come.

And now he’s stuck here, alone, as Alex lacks the backbone to walk away from the group at the bar and return to Aaron, and Aaron’s mind is overrun with thoughts of his ex-husband and the kind of excitement only Robert knows how to bring to his life.

He sighs, biting at his thumb again.

He gives in.

He picks up his phone, unlocks it and goes straight to Instagram, the feed refreshing automatically and Robert’s picture back at the top of his feed, as if the app knew exactly what Aaron was looking for.

He looks at the picture properly now, sees it’s Robert with Victoria, Bernice and Kerry. He looks good – so good; Robert-Sugden-level good – but his smile isn’t genuine, and he’s putting a brave face on. Aaron knows.

He’s in his crisp white shirt, the one that clings to his biceps in a way that makes Aaron’s mouth water, and it’s doing things to his already increased heart rate.

He exhales sharply, looks at the caption of the pic.

rjsugden86 Little sis dragged me out trying to distract me from everything today #loveher #takemeback #whatadifferenceayearmakes #onlyoneplaceiwouldratherbe #missyou

It’s only then that Aaron realises the date.

It’s their wedding anniversary.

He feels his eyes filling before he has the chance to process what he’s feeling.

He reads the tags again, knows they’re for him, and he feels a jolt of pain rush through him at the thought of Robert’s heartache; at Robert having to be dragged out by his sister to distract him from the pain of everything they’ve lost.

Like Vic could even understand.

Aaron knows he’s the only one who could get it; who knows what the two of them had – how it was on a different plain, another level – and only they could give that to one another.

He lets himself remember it then – for the first time in so long. He remembers their wedding day; the overwhelming and all-consuming happiness he’d felt at hearing Robert say those vows to him; how good it had felt to wrap his arms around that man and know he had him forever; how the thought of his husband had kept him going for so long through those darkest times that followed.

He can’t even really remember the pain of it all.

All he feels now is the pain from the lack of Robert’s presence in his life; the pain of waking up every day knowing what he’s missing out on; the pain of realising every day without him is a day wasted.

Robert’s what he needs.

Robert’s what will fill this void that’s been in his chest for so long that he’s grown used to it, in a way he knows he doesn’t need to anymore.

Robert’s what he wants now; as well as what he needs.

The realisation of it jolts him from his thoughts.

He glances back at the photo, realises then he recognises the background of the picture and precisely which bar Robert is in, and he knows exactly what he needs to do.

He jumps up from the sofa, but there’s a hand on his arm as he makes his way out of the door, and he turns to find Alex with a questioning look in his eye.

“Sorry, I promise I’m done, don’t leave.”

He looks so pleading with a shy smile, and Aaron feels nothing for him.

He grimaces, bites down on his lip, shrugs his arm out of Alex’s grip.

“It’s not working, Alex,” he shrugs, offering an apologetic smile.

“Look, let’s write tonight off, we can do something – ”

“There’s no point,” Aaron interrupts him. “This is…it’s done. It’s over.”

He sees the moment Alex realises what he’s saying.

“Is this because of tonight? Or last week?”

Aaron looks to the floor and shakes his head, a frustrated smile creeping over his face because Alex still doesn’t get it.

“Is it because I’ve been so tired these last few weeks? I know I’ve not been great company and that we’ve not exactly been – y’know – but I promise you it’s going to be better from now on because I’ve got a better shift pattern coming up and – ”

“It’s because you’re not Robert, Alex.”

That shuts him up, and Aaron opens his arms out to his side and shrugs as he repeats himself; as he watches Alex realise that there’s no coming back from this.

“You’re not Robert, and you’ll never be Robert. I need Robert. I want Robert, I don’t want this.”

Alex shakes his head and looks away.

“Didn’t he hurt you, though? Last time?”

Aaron knows what Alex is doing – even when he’s breaking up with him, Alex is still caring.

But it’s not enough, and it never will be.

“He’s not the same person he was before,” Aaron smiles, knowing it’s true. “And neither am I. We had a lot to deal with, to get past, but…I think I’m ready, to try again with him. I think I need to try again with him, else I’ll never know.”

They stare at one another for a few seconds, until Alex breaks away and looks down to the floor, shielding his hurt away from Aaron.

Alex leans forwards, and Aaron knows he’s going to try to kiss him goodbye or something, and he doesn’t want it, so he pulls away.

“Sorry, Alex,” he offers, with a nod. “Take care.”

And with that he turns on his heels, and there’s only one place he’s heading.

It’s two bars down, and he dodges the girls in high heels and the puddles on the floor as he ducks past the bouncers and makes his way inside.

He spots Robert immediately.

He’s sitting on a high table by the bar, elbows propped up on the table, fingers methodically wiping the condensation up and down his pint glass as he stares into it, solemnly ignoring the life and happiness that’s buzzing all around him. His shirt is pulled taut across his back, biceps bulging through the material, and Aaron can already feel his mouth watering.

He knows what he wants.

It’s so clear to him now, all of a sudden.

He knows.

He wants Robert.

He wants Robert back in his life; and he wants to draw a line under everything that’s happened; and he wants to move on, but move on together.

Because everything else just feels like emptiness, and if there’s one thing Aaron knows he deserves, it’s a life full of everything that makes him feel alive, just like Robert used to every single day.

He smiles, like it’s the first time he’s smiled in months.

He’s getting his soulmate back.

He’s getting his Robert back.

He makes his way towards their table; Vic spotting him before anyone else does, and she immediately stops her conversation with Bernice and Kerry to call out his name.

It pulls Robert from his thoughts, and they lock eyes across the bar as Aaron makes his way over, Robert turning towards him and slipping out of his chair.

He’s stood half in shock as Aaron inches closer towards him.

It’s as if everyone else in the room fades away; as if they’re the only two people in the world; as if they both have no doubt what is about to happen. He knows Robert can read it in his eyes; knows he’s finally ready to come back to him.

The music fades to a dull throb in the background, people all around them a blur as Aaron finally reaches him, and there’s not even a hint of hesitation.

He’s got his hands on Robert’s chest, fists bunching at the material of that white shirt he loves so much, and then his lips are meeting Robert’s, and it’s like everything in his world just settles back into place again.

He feels Robert’s shocked body stiffen beneath his touch, until a second later his lips are finally responding, a guttural groan escaping between their lips as his shoulders drop into Aaron’s touch, his hands coming up instinctively and taking hold of Aaron’s jawline, skin on Aaron’s neck whitening under the grip of Robert’s fingers.

Aaron groans into it, and he can already feel the tears falling from his eyes as Robert kisses him back with an intensity which encapsulates everything that’s been missing from his life for the past year, tongues trailing lips, desperation to take as much as they can from one another.

Aaron’s hands release their grip on Robert’s shirt, and he trails them around Robert’s waist, pulling his husband back towards him until there’s not a hint of daylight between the two of them.

He can feel it already, the rousing deep inside of him; pulse of his need for Robert throbbing through him, and he smiles into the kiss as he feels Robert’s against his inner thigh too.

The music starts to fade back in around them, and there’s the vague sound of Victoria and Bernice cheering them on; Kerry muttering something about other people getting all the passionate romance, and Aaron’s about to smile at them when he feels Robert’s hips back away from him; palms on his chest as they try to push Aaron away; lips the last thing to separate away.

“No.”

Aaron’s eyes are still closed when he hears it; and his world drops out beneath him.

Robert’s denying him again.

He snaps his eyes open, everything around them coming back into focus suddenly like someone has switched the world back on, and Robert can’t even look at him as his eyes rim red with regret.

“We…this…I can’t,” Robert stutters.

“Robert, don’t do this,” Aaron begs as the realisation sets in.

“You need better than me,” Robert spits out, like he hates it, and before Aaron can even put up a fight Robert has grabbed his leather jacket off the back of the stool and shoved past Aaron on his way out to the street.

Aaron looks up at Victoria, devastation coursing through his veins as his tears of relief and happiness turn to devastation. He pushes the heels of his hands into his eyes, willing away the emotion queued up behind them, but it’s no good.

He wants to drop to the floor and never get up again.

Until he hears Vic’s voice cut through to him.

“Go after him, then!” she urges.

Aaron swallows down as he looks over at her.

“He – ”

“He’s scared, Aaron!” she insists, wide eyed as if she can’t believe that Aaron can’t see it. “He thinks he’ll break you again, and that it’ll break him again. He’s never loved anyone like he loves you. Just go after him! Quickly!”

He doesn’t need telling again, wiping his eyes as he turns on his feet and breaks into a jog as he makes his way out of the bar.

It’s raining now, and there’s more people around as it nears midnight, and Aaron steps out into the street and scours his eyes frantically around, trying to spot his man in amongst every other drunk, stumbling mess that lines the streets of Hotten.

It’s a good few seconds before he spots him, and the rain is falling down heavily on him, even if he can’t seem to care; has barely noticed.

Robert’s leaning back against the wall of a building across the street, head flung back against the wall as he stares up at the night sky, rain masking the tracks of his tears and it pelts against his face. His jacket’s dropped to the floor in abandon, shirt turning see-through with the rain, and Aaron’s not sure he’s ever seen someone looks so tragically gorgeous in his entire life.

This is his man.

Robert Sugden.

This is the man he wants to spend the rest of his life with; is destined to spend it with.

The only man to make him feel like this, on all ends of the spectrum.

Even if right now that feeling is nearer rage than anything else.

How dare he push Aaron away like that; how dare he doubt that Aaron was making the right decision, for himself as well as for the two of them.

He grits his teeth, makes his way over to Robert, flings his own jacket to the floor as he shoves palms against Robert’s chest.

“Fuck you,” he seethes, Robert’s attention suitably grabbed as he stands up in response to Aaron’s attack.

“You don’t get to make these decisions for me, Robert,” Aaron spits out at him, fists balling the material of Robert’s soaking wet shirt between them, shoving Robert further against the wall behind him.

“You deser – ”

“Just shut up!” Aaron pushes past gritted teeth. “I don’t want Alex! I don’t want safe, or normal, or good.” He hisses the word like it’s the worst thing in the world. “I want you! I want the way you make me feel, like nobody else can. I want fucking life changing. Messed up forever, but together, Robert. Always together. Because,” his voice breaks as the tears start to track down his cheeks, Robert able to distinguish them from the rain drops at this short distance; his eyes searching Aaron’s face for every emotion he’s reflecting back at him. “Because, without you, I feel numb. I feel nothing. Nothing compares, Robert. Nothing ever will, and I can’t live like that. I can’t live without you, not any longer. And whatever comes with that, we’ll deal with it, but together, please. You’re the one I want to be with, Robert. Whatever happe –”

There’s the sudden push of lips against his own again – wet from the rain, salty from the tears – but filled with such emotion that Aaron feels his whole body sparking into life again, like he’s finally waking up again.

He pushes back into the kiss, rolls his body up against Robert’s as he pushes him back up against the wall behind him, and he feels Robert smile against his kiss as they both let themselves indulge in the feeling of one another; finally.

After a few moments he pulls away, wants to check the smile he can feel against his lips is genuine; that it isn’t Robert trying to grimace away from him.

His eyes light up at the look of Robert before him; dancing with a passion and a need that he feared he’d never get to enjoy again.

“Can I take you home?” Robert asks, and they both know what it means; both know it’s loaded with a promise for the night to come, and the rest of their lives together after that.

Aaron laughs, like the weight of the world has been lifted from his shoulders.

“I thought you’d never ask,” Aaron smiles back at him, the look in Robert’s eye melting the solid wall he’s had up around his heart for the past year.

That night he feels things he’d forgotten were humanly possible – physically and emotionally – and he knows it down to the core of his bones that he’s made the right decision.

Perhaps it was the best first wedding anniversary they could have hoped for – one where they both come back to one another, and they never looked back.

#robron #robron fic #tash writes fic #robron reunion #sorry there's no smut

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