#my parents have decided that bcs my dating history as they know is to a binary trans individual

[mooncaps]

Still thinking about her.

Like, ancient people carved these out of rocks, in great detail, because that's how enamored they were with the idea of a being who was beautiful and feminine, and had a penis. Maybe they were inspired by meeting an intersex person or trans girl in their lives. Maybe the art was an expression of what they wished they could become. Or maybe they were the fetish artists of their time, taking commissions so they could pay their bills. Whatever the reason, someone decided that this concept was of such importance that it needed to be carved into fucking statues.

I've only done light research, but Aphroditus seems to have originated as someone's high-concept fanon idea of "what if Aphrodite, the beautiful goddess of love, had a dick?"

And then a few hundred years later someone else expanded that concept into their OC Hermaphroditus, the child of Hermes and Aphrodite, who basically got named after his parents' portmanteau ship name. (And then the writer used that OC to tell a cautionary tale about being ensnared and cursed by the actions of evil women or whatever.) But also it became the origin myth for intersex bodies, as it was said that anyone who bathed in the pool where Hermaphroditus was transformed would then be similarly transformed themselves.

There's one tale of the female Aphrodite where Theseus sacrifices a goat to her, and the goat transforms from a she-goat to a he-goat.

Some Romans, when they adapted Aphrodite into Venus, seemed to conceptualize Venus as genderfluid, sometimes taking the form of Venus Barbata, or Bearded Venus. "The name Venus in itself, is masculine in its termination, and it was perceived that the goddess becomes the god and the god the goddess sometimes." [x]

So it's evident that people have been thinking about gender bending concepts, and feminine beauty in a body with a penis, for a very long time. Aphroditus dates back to at least 7th century BC. They even held festivals where people cross-dressed to honor Aphroditus. The festivals allowed "women to act the part of men, and men put on woman's clothing and play the woman." [x]

And that stuff makes me feel a little more connected to humanity and history. I don't know what I am, gender nonconforming, genderfluid, or maybe a trans girl, but in any of those labels, it's comforting to think that people in history were probably feeling the same feelings. Maybe some of their attempts at femininity looked a bit like mine, since they didn't have access to laser hair removal either. Maybe when some of them put on women's clothing, they felt a little scared of how much they liked it. Maybe some of them felt like they weren't really feminine enough to deserve to take on the role of a woman. Maybe some of them felt a little sad when the permission of the festival passed, like I felt when the permission of Halloween passed and I went back to wearing boy clothes. Maybe when they conceptualized this deity in ancient Greece, they were trying to dream of what I sometimes try to dream of: a heaven where gender is more flexible than it is here. Maybe some of them wanted to imagine that the gods had these genderfluid powers because they wished they could have such powers, like I wish I could have such powers.

Maybe there are some ancient Greek and Roman people in the afterlife who smile when they see me put on a skirt, remembering a festival 2500 years ago where they did that. And that idea warms my silly heart.

#queer posts #intersex #transgender #gender nonconforming #genderfluid #nonbinary #stuff about me #my genderqueer panic 2k23 #comforting thoughts #social issues

[thewingedwolf]

my opinion, like many in the fandom, is that Buck has always been a little bi coded, and I think handling it like the way abc handled Rosa Diaz being bi, by simply having Buck drop some information he’s always known about himself but never been comfortable sharing, would be a decent way of handling it. for one thing, having both buck and eddie go through a gay panic thing would be a lot for one season, and maybe a bit repetitive, and I think it would be perfectly in character, while adding a really lovely layer to Maddie & Buck’s relationship, that Maddie has always known Buck was bisexual, and has attempted (maybe awkwardly) over the years to get Buck to be more comfortable with it. I also think it would add a really wonderful layer to Buck and Chim’s relationship (again, to make the b99 comparison bc this is a textbook “if i had a nickel for every time a beloved, diverse show involving police officers got canceled by fox and picked up by ABC bc beloved diverse shows with a really active fan base are their bread and butter i’d have two nickels” situation lol), the same way it was a natural & moving way to have the first person Rosa came out to be Charles, if Chim finds out because Buck needs to talk to Maddie about how he and Eddie had a stress induced make out on Eddie’s couch and then Eddie had a panic attack over being gay, and Chim is there trying to connect the dots of this conversation & be supportive bc Buck is anxiously mumbling while bear hugging Jee in his kitchen. And “Buck has been bisexual the entire time” leaking out to the rest of the 118 has a lot of potential; we know they’re all gossipy & nosy about each other, and Chim is terrible at keeping important secrets, so Hen & Bobby piecing it together from Buck‘s sudden interest in LA Gay Culture & Chim’s nervous stuttering, while Ravi is like “happy that you’re comfortable enough to come out to me Buck but again, i do not need to know this much detail about your personal life” all of this just seems like a very natural, easy way of getting Buck to come out.

and that leaves the Gay Panic storyline to Eddie, lmao. because whether they decide to go with the common fandom idea of “eddie is gay but due to being a really macho dude from Texas, born into a family of very typically ‘we will always love you no matter if you’re straight or choose to be gay’ esque family, has been heavy repressing it all these years” or they decide to make him bisexual, it’s clear that Eddie’s continued wild misses at dating women, panic attacks over the idea of being with a woman, and naming another man as the caretaker of his child in case he dies, that Eddie is primed to have an absolute break down if he ever comes out. Is it very similar to Carlos’ story? Yeah, obviously, but they’re incredibly different people, and more than that, the type of family they come from is incredibly common in this day and age, and whereas we’ve seen the fallout of all the shame that comes with feeling like your parents love isn’t unconditional wrt Carlos, we never saw the initial, badly handled coming out that prompted this break in the Reyes family, and we would be seeing that with Eddie and the Diaz family! not only that, but we have Hen & Toni there to help Eddie (and his parents & pepa & abuelita) through it, to help them handle what are bound to be difficult conversations on Eddie’s history of dating women his family will like that he has minimal interest in, and what happens now that Eddie is once again testing the unconditional aspect of his family’s love.

And that’s not even touching The Bobby And Athena Of It All, from Bobby once again relating to Eddie’s struggles of “what do you do when you feel like the core of who you are has shifted and everyone else is standing still” to Athena having intimate knowledge of the effect of coming out late in life, after you’ve lived a whole life as an ostensibly heterosexual man. We could get a really touching scene between Bobby & Athena and Buck, discussing how this is something he’s always known but it’s just been easier to let it go unsaid even if he knew Bobby and the rest of the 118 would be loving and supportive if he ever came out. Imagine the jokes re: Buck, Eddie, AND Hen being the messiest gays in LA while Ravi is begging them to Say Less.

I think the storyline potential of “Buck and Eddie impulsively make out after a stressful call in ep 1 and then skirt around their feelings for at least half a season” can be really rich, and also kind of in line for how abc has handled a character who got popular for being bi coded, and I’m not saying i trust them to not be cowards about it, but I am saying they shouldn’t be cowards about it.

#rani makes text posts no one will read #buddie #118 #firefam #like i won’t say jake was ever queer textually but i do think abc let them lean into it a lot and i did appreciate that. and while i wish #that eleanor had said the words ‘i am bisexual’ out loud once again i can appreciate them consistently highlighting her attraction to women #AND letting tahani end up single instead of shoehorning in a male love interest. as well as the climax of jason/janet’s story being hit he #‘let’s go get our girl’ ‘not a girl’ moment. and however i thought the first two abc seasons of b99 sucked they always handled rosa & ray #wonderfully!!!! they literally gave us kevin & ray falling back in love and having a wedding!!! they’re capable of not being cowards! #unlike fox who put a woman who clearly dislikes eddie & the concept of found families in charge of the show 💀💀 #911 #rani attempts meta #this goes in that tag bc it’s long and speculative

[boyswanna-be-her]

Lmao the walk was super fun but only two people showed up (my biggest fan, who was obvs gonna be there, and a new friend who we both met at the same time through volunteering which is cute and fun, he's a p good deal younger than us). Since it was just the 3 of us, we hiked the WHOLE trail system and had a blast. Got lunch afterwards. I invited them to come out to the beach with me, and my friend decided to follow me straight out and new boy went home first but then flaked and never ended up coming to the beach.

So the clown dance continued, we swam and sunned and laughed, came back to my apartment, eventually got hungry and went to dinner, our third meal together in a row today. At every point they were hesitant to leave and happy to be invited to do the next thing. The only reason why we're not together now is that we're supposed to lift tonight at their place with someone else joining, so they headed back to their own side of town while I went home to take a shower.

This is actually a great holding pattern as far as I'm concerned. We spend as much time and I'd be willing to spend with someone I was dating, and I enjoy spending time with them more than being alone (USUALLY more, sometimes they're in a mood and I'd rather split). It's been so long since I've ACTUALLY enjoyed someone's company more than my own that I wasn't sure that would ever even happen again for me. I'm happy with this. The chemistry is there but--and holy shit i can't believe im saying this--I don't actually want to risk our friend...ship? Lmao? Who am i?

I also made an offhand comment about planning something fun and they responded "I don't really drink so that can make it hard" and of course in light of recent life changes on my side I'm like 👀👀👀 that is the opposite of a problem! But it also makes me sad bc they have been drinking with me some on our off hours and it sounds like they were just trying to keep up with me/not murder the vibe and that was SO not necessary. It also makes some stuff track more in retrospect (like "oh what was up with them that night?" ends up being "they were sleepy bc they dont drink booze normally"). Anyway, since it came up organically I told them that I was actually working on my sobriety and that it was difficult with my parents as enablers/people who want a drinking buddy from their child--and wouldnt you fucking know, bc we have everything else in common, they also have the SAME dynamic w their parents. And they seemed happy that sobriety was something I was thinking about and valued, but possibly more relieved that I actually DO enjoy our time together when we're both sober and want to do more of that.

We're finally getting into some deeper shit and I'm learning about their history and what makes them tick. Like they speak their mind super freely, but they are SO private about their family and personal life to the point that it feels almost too intimate to learn some of this shit that people who have known them longer are oblivious about. On the other hand, I'm a open book about everything I've been through and my mental health but good fucking luck getting an earnest take out of me on anything unless i deeply trust you. It makes for a weird game of learning about each other. I thanked them today for being a friend who's down to clown with all of my stupid suggestions and admitted that I normally just do everything alone but it's more fun with them. They expressed it all back to me. Alone for a long time, fine with that, surprised to find me, thankful for that too. It's just like, hm. Very comfy. And I don't worry about being wanted or wearing out my welcome, and I don't get taken advantage of, and they stand up for me and do nice things for me, and feed me and worry about me. That's such a nice change for me from being either The Provider or a person who wants for nothing or no one. It's scary to want someone in my life, even in this capacity, but it's more rewarding than I thought it could be without, yknow, actively trying to date or hook up. I feel like the possibility of something more is stalking us from location to location like the monster in It Follows--sometimes our knees are nestled together while we talk and it's breathing down our necks and sometimes we're both distracted and moody and it's not something either is thinking too much about, but fuck if it isn't always there and a thing I think we will inevitably make a choice about in the future but.

#bfr

[uselessroyals]

fanfic recommendations

(because i read a lot of fanfiction) (also all of these are wilmon except like one bc of course they are) (i now have another list with more recommendations here!)

oneshots

"let's start a revolution" by huojuvuus what if wilhelm admitted it was him in the video, 1k words

"eyes full of stars" by buttercupkisses erik surprises wilhelm at the parent's lunch and meets simon, 3k words

"grin" by but_at_least_i_have_an_iced_coffee erik falls into a coma instead of dying and now he's awake, but now knows nothing about the sex scandal or simon or wilhelm's less-than-straightness, 2.1k words

"we could call it even" by loyaulte_me_lie eight years post canon, simon and wilhelm fall back into each other’s orbits, this time everything goes right, 12.7k words

"a baby heart attack, if you will" by paldogangsaan wilhelm’s mother sets him up with a respectable rich girl who just happens to make a deal with wilhelm to give the queen of sweden a “non-lethal heart attack.” (For legal reasons, that is a joke), wlw/mlm solidarity, very funny, 9.7k words

"the revolution will not be televised (but it will be put on instagram)" by pissedofsandwich post season 1, simon deals with the immediate aftermath of wilhelm's denial, felice and wilhelm concoct a juvenile plan to get the invasive press off simon's back, 17.9k words

"worst kept secret in history" by toffeelemon post season 1, wilhelm decides to say fuck what people think and fix his relationship with simon, fluffy, 10k words

"only fools rush in" by toffeelemon au, it actually wasn't wilhelm in that video and simon and wilhelm are best friends, 22.3k words

multichaps

"We should just kiss (like real people do)" by sofia_with_an_f a post-season 1 character study fic, lots of angst and introspection, 15/? chpt, 31k words

"international relations" by spa_ghetto crossover with red white and royal blue, post season 1 simon runs into alex claremont-diaz on the bus and they become friends, 5/5 chpt, 21.7k words

"call me up late" by royalwilmon au, simon gets the wrong number and accidentally texts wilhelm, lots of fluff and humour, 20/20 chpt, 29.1k words

"only fools remain sane" by Elin98 fake dating au, wilhelm convinces simon that they should fake date to see if the crown's recent announcement of accepting same-sex relationships is legit or just for show, 11/11 chpt, 40.5k words

"did you see the love in my eyes, oh were you gazing through this disguise?" by millie_cheesesteak fake dating/roommates au, simon's toxic ex starts at hillerska and wilhelm decides to help simon show him that he's moved on, 10/12 chpt, 53.7k words

(btw i have a 2nd list with more recs here!)

#i like reading fanfic what can i say #might add more to this later #if/when i've read more #young royals fanfic #young royals #wilhelm x simon #simon eriksson #prince wilhelm #wilmon #demeter's rambles

[atherix]

New au?👀👀

-🍂

HI I AM GOING TO COPY-PASTE EVERYTHING I WROTE TO BELLE WHEN I FIRST GOT THIS IDEA.

So quick background, Secondhand Lions is a movie about a boy who gets sent to his filthy rich great uncles for the summer by his mother who wants him to find the money, and one of the uncles tells him a story about their history/youth and they end up bonding with him and in the end the mother does the right thing for once and lets him stay, it's a great movie that admittedly has its... moments... that definitely Date™ it but it is to this day among one of my favorite movies.

Of course this wouldn't follow that like. At all. Except maybe vaguely. Just bear with me. Below the cut bc this is LONG. Keep in mind it's from DMs so it might be a little everywhere but ya know-

so anyway. Secondhand Lions but with Mumscarian.

The past; Grian, Scar and Mumbo were a team, an Avian, an Elf and a Totally Normal Guy™️. They were involved in a lot of stuff from the time of when they were young. Grian and Mumbo were childhood friends, grew up in the same village and everything, and were teens when they got dragged into war by the Mad King's attack on their village. They got involved in the fight and ended up on an adventure across the world, where they ended up meeting Scar who was, technically, part of the Mad King's court. They got him to switch sides and together, with allies, they defeated the Mad King and continued onto adventures, getting involved in the wars and civil uprisings they came across and basically liberating people everywhere. Of course, over this time, they fell madly in love with each other.

Unfortunately, as the years pass, Scar began to notice he himself wasn't changing at all- because he was an Elf. Grian and Mumbo had grown into men well into their 20s and 30s and saying Scar looked a day over 20 would be generous; he's an Elf, and Elves live for hundreds of years. Their aging significantly slows down the older they are, and it brings Scar to realize that he is going to greatly outlive the two men he loves. And, of course, the older Grian and Mumbo look, the more side-eyeing they receive when seen with Scar- and the more hostile/distant people become, the less welcome they are. Cue a series of misunderstandings, miscommunication and feelings of "I'm holding him back" from everyone, they end up splitting up. Grian and Mumbo stick together, of course, while Scar sets off on his own.

Cut to a hundred years later, into modern times; Scar thinks Mumbo and Grian are long dead, meanwhile Mumbo's Totally Normal Guy™️ syndrome has kicked into Eldritch mode and neither he nor Grian knows what happened but they're both still alive. They don't seek Scar out as they believe he must have moved on by now, and have settled down in the middle of nowhere in an old house with more money than they know what to do with.

Tubbo is 14 years old. He's Scar's son- I haven't decided yet if he's an adopted little faun/dryad or maybe Scar's bio Elf son in this world, but he's Scar's son and is being raised by Scar alone (no other parent in the picture, either abandoned or a result of a one night stand). Tommy is his best friend, and after the death of his older brother Tommy is being raised by his late brother's best friend, Schlatt (yeep). Schlatt is sending Tommy to live with his "uncle" for the summer (Grian being Phil's great great something great uncle) in the hopes of Tommy finding where Grian and Mumbo keep their money hidden. Tommy doesn't want to go but asks Tubbo to come with him since he's not being given a choice, and hesitantly Scar gives his permission (Tubbo argues it'll be just like summer camp, it's okay!) but on the condition that Tubbo writes him once a week.

Tommy and Tubbo get there, and though Grian and Mumbo are like- 40 max (in appearance), they live basically like they did a hundred years ago; no television, no internet, no phone service. Mumbo has his redstone devices, which Tubbo is fascinated by, and Grian has his flying course, which Tommy is enthralled with (Tommy is also an Avian), to entertain themselves. They also have communicators that only work with each other (Scar has one, too, but it's been in storage for decades at this point and he wouldn't even know if they did send him a message). Grian and Mumbo have no fucking clue how to entertain children and do a lot of age-inappropriate stuff (as in giving Tommy and Tubbo crossbows and letting them run wild in a training course they have in the back field, rather than handing them starter bows with soft-tip practice arrows and strict supervision lol).

Over this visit, Mumbo begins to tell the boys a story when they catch Grian in one of his Moods™️, where he's kind of stalking around the perimeter of their home and gazing out into the distance, as if searching for something. Mumbo explains that sometimes, Grian gets antsy and becomes very aware they're missing a member of their flock. He tells the story little by little- the story of adventure and friendship and love and the cruelty of time and people, but he uses the name he used to know Scar by which Tubbo doesn't recognize. As such Tubbo doesn't think to write about it in his letters to Scar.

Tommy convinces them to start buying shit with their money and they end up buying a lot of crazy shit, including some kind of beast I'm undecided about. Not a Warden ofc bc wardens are wardens, but some kind of hostile beast that Tubbo, with his general Faeness (either faun, dryad or elf jkfdsjk), manages to tame. Ofc he writes to Scar about all of this, and honestly Scar gets a little freaked out- what kind of sane people buy a hostile creature?? (Well. He knows at least one person who would have, but… he's been dead for so long….) He starts arranging things at his Aqua Town shop to go and check in on Tubbo.

Tommy and Tubbo have grown fond of Mumbo and Grian, thinking they're weird but in an endearing sort of way. Some shit happens with some of the locals in town but Grian and Mumbo deal with it, Tommy gets a letter from Schlatt giving him instructions on what to do when he finds the money, Tubbo is having fun taking care of his new pet, and in general things begin ramping up. Mumbo reaches the end of the story, where Scar chose to leave, and Tubbo questions why they just let him walk away (not knowing this was a century ago), which is when Grian finally cuts into the story and tells the teens that he and Mumbo are older than either of their grandparents, and Scar has long since moved on and mourned them as dead. Tubbo of course argues that they should have tried anyway, because if he's been mourning them and they're still here then how is that fair, if they still love him after all this time then what if he still loves them?? (Tubbo, thinking about his own father, who sometimes hints at having something he'd loved and lost once upon a time, choices he made that he regrets, things he wishes he could take back….)

Well, Schlatt shows up when Tommy's stopped answering his letters, and he's got a Plan™️. He starts to manipulate the townspeople and spreads rumors about Mumbo and Grian, and tries to get into Tommy's head, manipulating him and Tubbo (if Tubbo is adopted, this would be the moment he'd find out Schlatt is his bio father. If Tubbo is Scar's biologically then obviously not, bc I do not want to consider Scar and Schlatt having a kid together lmaoooo-)

Tubbo is kind of overwhelmed by everything happening now, between Schlatt and discovering he's currently staying with century-old Eldritch creature(s), and of course in his distress he turns to Scar. He runs off to town, borrowing a fancy shmancy communicator/phone and calling the shop. Unfortunately, Scar has already headed out by now, so the phone is answered by Cub, Scar's "right hand man" at the shop. Cub tells Tubbo Scar is probably halfway there already and all he has to do is wait.

Now, with his father out of reach, Tubbo thinks it's time to do the next best thing; tell Grian and Mumbo about what Schlatt is doing/planning. However, Tubbo and Tommy are both notoriously bad liars and Schlatt finds out. Tommy has by this point found the money but is keeping his silence, and Schlatt realizes when Tommy talks himself in a circle that Tommy knows where it is, so Schlatt- knowing the one thing Tommy really cares about is his bestie- decides to use Tubbo against him, threatening to hurt/kill Tubbo to get Tommy to comply (and, in the meantime, stopping Tubbo from telling Mumbo and Grian, who Schlatt has absolutely NO CHANCE at beating. Well, no chance at beating Grian, at least).

Scar shows up as Tommy is leading Schlatt (and Tubbo) to the money, and obviously there's a huge "what the fuck" moment when he comes face to face with Grian and Mumbo- which is quickly overshadowed by the whole "where are the kids" situation going on. Grian and Mumbo are shocked to discover Scar is Tubbo's dad (and in typical Misunderstanding fashion, assume this means they were right that Scar moved on), but don't have time to dwell on it when Scar insists the boys are in trouble, Tubbo had written to him about some of the very concerning things Schlatt was saying/doing and he doesn't think Schlatt should be left alone with the boys.

Of course like in Secondhand Lions, Tubbo's little beast friend saves the day, attacking Schlatt and giving Tubbo and Tommy the chance to run away at the cost of its own life. They meet up with Grian, Mumbo and Scar, and Tubbo has never been so relieved to see his dad. Grian goes to find Schlatt, who is already injured, while Scar and Mumbo check over the boys. In the end, of course Schlatt is defeated and is sent off with the parting warning that if they ever see him again they will kill him, and that he's lucky the creature got to him before they did.

Mumbo questions why Tubbo never mentioned he was Scar's son, and Tubbo says he didn't think it was important- which is when he finds out Scar was the third person from that story all along

Ultimately, of course, the story ends with Tommy wanting to stay with Mumbo and Grian, and Tubbo pushing for Scar and them to talk about everything that happened in the past and what was actually going on through their heads, and what they really felt and thought about it all. There's no immediate getting back together of course, but they do talk about it and stay in contact when Scar and Tubbo return to Aqua Town.

The epilogue is like 5 years later and ofc Mumscarian is back together and Tubbo and Scar have moved in and the property is just full of increasingly ridiculous shit. Happily ever after the end.

bonus content; Ren is the great great some-odd great grandson of both the Mad King and the Red King, both corrupt monarchs that Mumscarian fought against. BDubs was the right hand of the Mad King, ofc, and is very Fae like Scar, but he moves on with Cleo- another member of the Mad King's court who's still somehow alive- and eventually Etho joins them. Martyn is, unsurprisingly, Just Some Dude descended from the Red King's right hand, and is very much in love with Ren. There might even be a bit of a reincarnation thing going on there, but hey- who knows :)

Bonus:

#ask #Secondhand... something AU #I haven't decided what mob it'll be yet rip #🍂autumn anon🍂 #Long Post

[thestobingirlie]

yeah i haven't really trusted the duffers w any relationship on the show after how they decided to write the stancy/jancy love triangle in s2. like they presumably want us to root for jancy yet in getting them together they have both of them act like colossal assholes to steve (i include jonathan in this bc he verbally acknowledges stancy is together/the steve of it all then still sleeps w nancy - idk ik their history is complicated but i would hesitate to do that to the man who literally saved my life less than a year prior) then never address it/have them apologize. idgi. maybe part of it is just that they weren't expecting how beloved steve would become post s2 so they thought ppl just wouldn't care that much? idk but the whole thing is just so convoluted and cruel to steve specifically that i just don't understand why they did that when it was absolutely not necessary.

i cannot understand how the duffers thought the s2 love triangle was a good idea, like they really ended that season thinking people would ship jonathan and nancy, when it just made me like them even less. both as a couple, and as people.

it’s insane to me that people still try to debate that nancy cheated on steve with jonathan. she admits she wanted to date jonathan, but when he didn’t ask her out she went back to steve. in the scene just before they have sex, jonathan names steve when murray is asking about a boyfriend, and nancy is adamant that she loves steve. like, what part of that was a smart move?

and yeah, not only is cheating wrong, but to cheat on the man that saved you and your affair partners life?? like, they would be in the demogorgons stomach if steve hadn’t popped back in.

and then to let steve blame himself for the breakup? it’s just so messed up and badly written.

if they wanted nancy and jonathan to date, just have steve and nancy Not get back together in s1. they could’ve just had them be friends after. there was no need for an affair. and, honestly, even if i still hated steve in s2, i’d think it was wrong. especially considering we know how cheating is such a sore point for steve, like? for the duffers to write steve having bad relationships with his parents because of cheating, and then to have his girlfriend cheat on him, never tell him, and let him breakup with her thinking he was a bad boyfriend?? it makes me sick.

but yeah, that love triangle ruined all trust i had in the duffers when it comes to relationships/characters.

#steve harrington #jonathan byers #nancy wheeler #stranger things #asks #anon

[wetcatspellcaster]

2, 7 and 29 for rose :0

Hi lovely, thank you for the ask!

2 and 7 were replied to in a previous post, apologies to the scrollers for the copy and paste, just for the ease of the person asking!

2. What relationship did your Tav have with their family/guardian(s) growing up? Has that changed with age?

So Rosalie is your stereotypical filthy only child lmao. She had a very good relationship with her parents (and also her aunt/aunt's children, as they all live on the same road in the same town!), although she is closer with her mother than her father because it's a pretty matriarchal family (it's the mother's line that's all based in the same place!). They paid to help her study magic in after school lessons the same way a middle class parent might pay for violin, etc.

This has changed with age - as of the game timeline she had not been home in two years due to the agoraphobia she is hiding from her family. She tends to write home regularly (lol she hasn't written yet in the adventure so that's a concern) but when her parents try to organise dates to come visit or for her to come home she invents extensive excuses to do with work, and then sometimes literally books extra work when her parents push her on it. As a result, they have grown increasingly distant.

7. What circumstances led to your Tav becoming their class/subclass?

Divination wizard - honestly, Rosalie isn't a Gale, she isn't a child prodigy or anything. I imagine her as a very intelligent girl who's parents decided to keep in school when she was shown to be good at it in the hope of bettering her. She was essentially put into a 'gifted and talented' programme, and I imagine that in the D&D world a 'gifted and talented' programme probably involves some taster lessons/aptitude tests in magic. Rosalie enjoyed learning magic so it became her hobby, and it opened up opportunities for her to study a 'mundane' subject but at a magical university - she essentially did a History and Classical Languages programme, which is how she got into translation, but at a magical university like Blackstaff so there was a lot of minors in magic she could take and her classes in non-magical subjects were still considered magic specialisms: essentially doing history of magic rather than just straight history.

Not to build my OC's CV (lol) but it was only in her master's that Rose probably started thinking of her self as a 'wizard' rather than 'a scholar who does magic', as her translations became about very high level spells - even though she couldn't cast them herself, she understood them on a level that a hobbyist wouldn't. This is when she became a wizard, and joined the Watchful Order with the plan to become a wizard (kind of like a graduate programme or law conversion lmfao). But she starts the game at level 1 bc her agoraphobia prevented her pursuing that at all, and she became a scribe and studier of spells rather than a caster of spells.

29. What advice would you give your Tav?

LMFAO. What advice *wouldn't* I give this woman???

I guess, after hitting her over the head repeatedly being like "communicate! your! feelings! to! the! people! that! matter! to! you!" you! dumb! fucking! wizard!"...

...I would sit her down and say: "Depression lies to you. It twists your view of the world to suit the narrative that allows it to survive and live on in your forever, like a parasite. Depression looks for any evidence to sustain itself because it doesn't care about your survival, only its own. Don't trust anything it tells you: don't think the bad things about you are intrinsic but the good things are fleeting, don't hate yourself just for the sake of hating yourself, and know that even the most inescapable moment will eventually pass."

(and then I'd be like, "also, tell the vampire man you like him, in literally every timeline this is your fucking downfall, i stg.")

30 questions for your Tav!

#asks #mutuals #ask games #rosalie tag #30 questions for tav #'also you're autistic - sorry i only found out that's what you were as about as an OC like two years later. my bad!'

[spinsterennui]

I was tagged by the lovely @archetypewriter ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you so much for thinking of me darling!!! Fair warning, though: you’ve asked *an English lit grad student* to answer questions in a written format. I hope you’ve learned your lesson lol. In my defense, I can’t help being verbose; it’s my nature!!! 😂😭

Tag 9 people you want to get to know better!!!

Last song: XTC “Respectable Street”

Last show: Burn Notice

Currently watching: I always have the tv on in the background bc it reduces anxiety for me, but I’m not necessarily watching; it’s like white noise. The shows I’m actually watching are: Burn Notice, trying to finally finish Lucifer (the second half of season 6), and I’m going to try to get to Lucky Hank either today or tomorrow, despite my having a severe issue with large beards due to traumatic childhood parent issues. I honestly can’t decide if it’s a good thing that Bob has such a terrible beard in this show or not 😭 Like the fact that he’s playing an English professor might have been too indulgent for me without the off-putting facial hair lol.

Currently reading: Unfortunately I don’t read much for pleasure at the moment. A lot of this has to do with being so behind in my dissertation, which causes me to feel like I shouldn’t/can’t read anything that isn’t research; consequently, I end up just not reading. That said, I have been reading bits of Bob’s book A Load of Hooey, which is hilarious and ridiculous but is also easy to pick up and put down because it has a lot of very short parts. Books closer to my research: Killer Apes, Naked Apes & Just Plain Nasty People: The Misuse and Abuse of Science in Political Discourse by professor emeritus of anthropology at St. Lawrence University Richard J. Perry (a history and critique of biological determinism that is written for a non-academic audience — I highly recommend it) and, a more theory-based text, The Age of Scientific Sexism: How Evolutionary Psychology Promotes Gender Profiling and Fans the Battle of the Sexes by feminist/queer theorist and Distinguished Professor of critical theory and gender/sexuality studies at University of Toronto Mari Ruti (also fantastic albeit a bit dated as it’s from 2015 — Ruti has a very interesting writing style, but this book can be challenging for someone unfamiliar with theory and/or reading heavily academic texts).

Current obsession: I mean all apologies for being interminably repetitious, but Burn Notice (as well as Jeffrey Donovan in Burn Notice because a) he’s an incredible actor and b) he is seriously fucking hot in this role). I’m actually rewatching (yes AGAIN), but mainly because I realized that I hadn’t really been paying attention to seasons 1-2 during the rewatch.

When Better Call Saul ended I wasn’t really ready to invest in a totally new show (except for a couple of shorter ones), because it left me a tad despondent I suppose. I’d watched it from day one, back in 2015, after we’d binged Breaking Bad. So I saw that Burn Notice was streaming and thought “low stakes rewatch” because even though I watched the whole series when it originally aired, it ended back in like 2013 I think, and I’d honestly forgotten how good it is. Despite its flaws, it is such an entertaining and satisfying show. It has an incredibly strong and unique female character, and the way Michael and Fiona’s relationship develops (or re-develops) is fun and frustrating and emotionally rewarding at once. They’re both deeply flawed, deeply traumatized characters who love each other more than they love themselves, and slowly they both grow to realize that they can bring out the good in each other while helping to mitigate the bad. They save other people, that’s the sort of formula of the show beyond the burned spy part, but they also save each other, in more ways than one.

I really love shows that, at their core, turn out to be about something more substantial than what appears on the surface, particularly if that something is love in some form. When a show surreptitiously sneaks in a message about love, that show tends to stick with me so much longer and affect me so much more deeply. Better Call Saul, The X-Files, The Americans (admittedly in a fucked up way), The Glory, Lucifer, Leverage (which reminds me that I still need to watch the new one), or even Bates Motel (or ​Buffy/Angel in some ways) all, to one extent or another, have an underlying narrative of love (not just romantic, although that’s a fave for me), as well as related themes of identity (and what it means — like both what you choose and what others assign to you and how that affects your ability to be a fulfilled human), trauma and the aftermath, and family (both blood and found). These themes are quite overt in some of the shows I mentioned and less so in others, but in my opinion the threads run through them all. However, in Burn Notice they each are incorporated into the story incredibly well, which is a big part of what makes the show so compelling for me.

Okay, essay over!!!!! All apologies 😫 Anyway here’s a photo of a special birdie friend on my mantle (the spots are blacked out for privacy bc they are photos of my nephews) ❤️

I’m not going to tag nine people but I am tagging @veyzus @yellowginghamdream @tahiri-veyla @darkskywishes (though I haven’t seen them in a while so I hope all is well) and @nissameta1782 (I always feel weird tagging unless I know someone pretty well, which is weird bc I love being tagged by people I’ve never talked to before lol . . . go figure). Please don’t feel pressured!!! Ignore if you want ❤️

#tagged #long post #bc i am long-winded #i love that birdie so much btw #also please know that i’ve been playing no man’s sky on ps5 #and doing some bird watching #but not much photography bc​ my new camera is kinda hard to learn #and i collect mugs #and enjoy baking #in case y’all think i only watch tv/movies and reblog old men on tumblr dot com #👀😳 #btw did anyone else ever watch that show touching evil the us version? #it has jeffrey donovan and vera farmiga #and i remember absolutely loving it but there was only one season?? #that’s basically why i started watching burn notice in the first place is that show #bc he was sooooo good in it #sad usa cancelled it so quickly #also why did i feel the need to use italics???? #we will never know

[faeriecap]

pls talk to me about sam/riley!! canon, au, idc! give me all u got 😤😤

FUCK YEAAAAAAAAA OMG literally one of my favorite ships in the entire mcu and they barely exist 😭😭😭

ok so in terms of like canon stuff i feel like riley and sam had the closest thing u could to a meet cute in the literal army and i see their relationship as like very similar to daveklaus??? i think it definitely like in precatws i see them as meeting on base, maybe even not knowing each other before they got assigned to the project and got their wings etc

there’s a lot of potential for a slow burn there even as just a platonic relationship and tbh given the popularity of media like 1917, dunkirk, top gun, and that rn (which….. the modern stuff is more HMMMM but i mean the interest is there???) n marvels propaganda deal with the us military i don’t know WHY they HAVENT greenlit some sort of d+ mini series giving us a samriley prequel ??? at least a short 😭 but idk maybe they’ll actually give us some sams past crumbs in cap 4?????

in aus though i like to hc riley and sam as having the same hometown, i love the idea of riley being a quintessential southern boy with the drawl and the slang, i also heavily borrow from just say you do’s version of riley in which he has a dry sense of humor and takes no shit just like sam!! i picture him as “sassy” and over the top in the same way as like JVN lol

also i think he and sam have the best fashion sense out of anyone in the group except maybe nat when she’s not dressing super comfy casual (we all know steve and bucky are dead last on that one LMAOOO) bc riley comes from a working class family/started working himself at a really young age and so now he likes to be super deliberate about his sense of style/presentation instead of just whatever he got handed down from neighbors or church donations etc and that was a HUGE part of accepting his sexuality + gender identity (he/they riley u will always be famous)

i also borrow some elements of like adam parrish’s backstory 🤡 in that i see riley’s parents as negligent at best and ab*sive at worst, making the wilsons his sort of pseudo-family/safe space even before he and sam get together whether that’s bc they’re childhood besties in aus or bc they accept sam’s closest comrade into their fold (i cant remember if sam lost his parents before he went into the service so don’t come for me anyone) but yeah like in non canon universes i see their story as highly similar to stevebuckys bc they’re foils duh except ig riley would be closer to comics bucky than mcu bucky w his parents

it’s weird bc i used to exclusively ship stevebucky and then samriley completely separate. since i became open to the idea of multi shipping, i now ship in a different order/way??

like for au’s i still follow the two distinctive ships, meaning if i’m writing stevebucky i’ll usually have established samriley or single sam. however if i’m writing sambucky it’s probably going to be past!samsteve and/or stevebucky as well if not just samstevebucky (the most superior of all ships) 😌 like i might mention riley being sam’s ex before he got together with steve (if i’m including him and steve as a couple and not just friends) or just gets w bucky but the focus is way less on riley’s impact on sam’s dating history than like steve if that makes sense which is just interesting to me?? it’s also a roulette wheel of whether or not i decide to throw in sammisty (my beloved) bc sometimes i like to write bi sam and other times i like to write gay sam

sidenote i see peggy and steve and nat absolutely bi, always, angie as 100% a lesbian, misty and sam as bi4bi, but for sam and bucky i could see them as either bi or gay (although i typically tend to write bucky as either just gay or at most bi-curious but always in relationships with mlm)

i feel like i write more samriley in complete au’s than in canon compliant fics which is odd haha

maybe bc in canon compliant fics, if samriley exists i see them as a monogamous partnership, but if sam is with someone else/poly i typically see it like riley d*ed bc personally i just don’t see them breaking up?? they’re like either that couple u know that’s been together since they were 14 and you never see them without each other OR they’re exactly the same but they actually got married in their early 20s. i say, having explicitly written their divorce before

also idk why but i feel like in my head w poly!sam steve and/or bucky (or misty) are cool w him having paramours and metamours and everything even if they aren’t poly themselves but riley is strictly a one man guy and has no interest in anything outside a monogamous mlm relationship. he’s also demi and a hopeless romantic!

when i write samriley + steve and bucky i see riley as being able to relate to bucky better bc i follow the general fandom hc that riley is also disabled, but he’s somewhat closer w steve bc of sam and bucky’s initial “feud” when riley was still distrustful of bucky and 100% in sam’s corner, meaning he and bucky have a similar dynamic to sam and bucky where they like to banter and antagonize one another but he and steve are more chill and friendly when they talk like he and sam are (although they aren’t above ribbing at each other and referencing embarrassing inside jokes)

hngngngngnh h OH also he and sarah are like best friends bc they LOVE to gang up on sam and 100% would die for sam but like given the choice they would unionize to embarrass him at the drop of a hat

#IF I THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE ILL LYK #i speak #steeb #bucket #stevebucky #marvel #sammich #captain america #mcu #samriley #sam wilson #sammisty #pegs #nat <3 #angie <3 #sarah wilson #asks

[backpockct]

INTRODUCING CLARA RIVERA WRITTEN (AND LOVED!) BY CORRIE 

   ⸻     have  you  ever  heard  my kind of woman  by  mac demarco  ,  well  it  is  CLARA RIVERA  to  a  tee.  the  forty one year  old history teacher at NOTTING HILL HIGH been  spotted  wandering  down  portobello  road  markets  just  last  sunday  ,  do  you  know  them  ?  would  you  say  she  are  more CLUMSY   or  more  AFFABLE  ?  anyway  ,  they  remind  me  of  dog eared notebooks, hair styles held together with pens, half drunk mugs of coffee,  late nights spent marking kids work and bright smiles maybe  you'll  catch  them  around  yeah ?     ⸻     [          ◟  JESSICA CHASTAIN. ◝           ]

triggers: mentions of bullying 

THE BASICS: 

full name: clara eleanor spencer 

birthday: 24th march 1981 (41 years old)

gender: cis woman (she/her)

sexuality: heterosexual

relationship status: married 

BASIC INTRO: 

clara is from lambourne in essex, she’s the oldest of two and has a younger sister. 

she had a pretty idyllic childhood before she went into school but her parents always thought something was off.

she was and still is, very clumsy, she struggled doing up zips + buttons. she also didn’t start walking properly until she was almost three years old. 

but back in those days, these kinds of things got brushed under the carpet and clara started school, she had the worst time ever.

she was bullied bc she was different and she hated it. she wasn’t a fan, she eneded up having to move schools. 

once she was done with high-school, she decided to go onto university, hoping for a fresh start.

she’d always had a fascination with history, she LOVED IT and so she decided that she’d become a history teacher. 

although clara had been bullied, she wanted to support the kids of the future, to be better people and not do that.

she really enjoyed university and thrived in that environment, as she had a lot more freedom to do whatever she wanted. 

clara also met her future husband at university, they both ran in the same friendship group, and they were friends at first, they eventually got very close and started dating. 

during her first year at uni, she tried to have a job on the side, she worked as a waitress but she kept dropping things, she tried to work as a cashier at a clothing store but kept getting overstimulated and skipping out on shifts.

she ended up going to the doctors and they told her that she had dyspraxia, then things started making sense for clara!! 

now as an adult, she’s a lot better, she’s learnt things that help her deal with her dyspraxia. she’s still pretty clumsy but she can laugh about that now. 

throughout all of this she stayed with her husband, he was incredibly supportive and the pair are very much in love. he’s always cheering her on, helping her with things she struggles with etc. 

clara has two children with her husband and they’ve recently found out that they are expecting a third, exciting!!

she works as a history teacher at the local high school, her life is good now and she couldn’t be happier!! 

WANTED CONNECTIONS: 

friends (parent friends, university friends etc) 

younger sister (pls message me first)

co-workers

neighbours

if you’d like to plot with any of my muses please feel free to hit me up on discord @ corey in wetherspoons ™#0678!!

#☆ﾟ*・ﾟ you can always edit a page. you can’t edit a blank page — ↳ ooc #nottinghillintro

[heartbrake-hotel]

for the first question of the elvis ask game bc i am incapable of Shutting Up;

"When and what was your first exposure to Elvis Presley?"

like literally i could Not in good conscience let this extend my original answer post ohhhh my god 😅😅 but also i quite like the story and want it recorded for selfish purposes so if you are for Some Reason interested...... here she is

my mom really loves elvis (some of you might know this already). she's from alabama, and growing up her dad (who died p young) really liked him (though my gramma still insists "he always did a little too much of that... jigglin' for my taste"). she remembers her father let her stay home from school on august 17th, 1977, because she was so distraught after hearing about elvis the afternoon before. that day after was a wednesday and she was 10 years old. she says it was practically a public day of mourning in the south.

on the other hand my mom is also deeply catholic and experienced a great moral terror surrounding media consumption upon having me, her oldest, bc she was afraid that if my first word had been "margaritaville" she would have had to answer to god for the depravation of my immortal soul :/ and no that's not a joke she literally thought that about jimmy buffet. so we didn't, uh. have music in my house as a kid. my mom had one (1) bruce springsteen cd i wasn't allowed to listen to, and my dad had one (1) johnny cash cassette that i WAS. other than that the only music we had around was the soundtracks in movies and a lot of gregorian chant. and the one copy of the high school musical deluxe edition soundtrack that i got for christmas in 2006 and my sister and i literally wore the ribbon out of bc we were so starved for Tunes dfghs so i actually. had no idea my mom liked elvis she never listened to his music around me or brought him up.

aaaand then in.. 2009 or 2010 (i had to look up the release date of justin bieber's baby to verify this Holy Shit), i went away to sleepaway camp for the first time. it was an art, science, and technology camp at my dad's alma mater (and eventually mine❤) in my parent's hometown, a couple hours away. i stayed with my dad's parents instead of on campus, but it was still A Big Deal growing-up-wise. and my mom sent me a care package while i was there, with a postcard to read for every day of the week i was gone.

they were all pictures of elvis and i had No Idea Why.

i thought maybe she was just being, like. fun and kitschy.?? idk i was a weird kid who had a weird mom, it was easy to rationalize. and she didn't address it at all until the third postcard, when she said she had thought about finding stationary i would like to write these on but instead she decided to give me something precious to her, these elvis postcards she'd had lying around since she was a girl. because of how, you know, she loved elvis so much.

WELL, NO. NO MOM, I DID NOT "KNOW."

up until this point the only defining knowledge i had of elvis could be summarized by the epic rap battle of history vs michael jackson, which contains such lyrical marvels as "here's a tip - don't swallow a bucket of drugs so you won't die on the toilet dropping hunks of burning love," and "well, i may have died on the shitter but i don't give a crap, you ain't got half the badass battle raps that i have." yes i Did type those out from memory. i'm sure i'd heard elvis' music before (i had seen lilo and stitch at least once, after all) but if you had asked me to name even one of his songs at that time i don't think i could've done it. i simply hadn't conceptualized him beyond the vague image of a white jumpsuit and the words "thank ya, thank ya very much." but my mother expressing ANY sort of interest in a celebrity or pop culture at large was Absolutely Shocking, and i was determined to take advantage of this moment by seeing what the hype was all about.

so i went downstairs to my grandparent's basement pc and typed "elvis" into the google search bar. that was it. just "elvis." not "elvis presley," not "elvis songs," not "who the hell was elvis and does an interest in him make my mother lame or cool?" just "elvis." :)

and the first video that came up was the rapid city unchained melody performance. i watched the video, and i almost immediately had this absolutely overwhelming outpouring of love for this man on the screen. he slurred out "unchained melody. from an album called unchained melody. makes a lot of sense. ok" and i remember thinking that that "ok" had sounded so SMALL. he sounded like a lost little boy. and then that maternal instinct immediately fled my 12-year-old body and i scoffed like a tweenybopping little bitch and thought from how tiny he sounded he couldn't possibly have had a voice worth listening to.

and then he opened his mouth and heaven started pouring out.

i had never heard the song before (though i was immediately struck by its.. well, melody). i didn't know he was struggling with a drug habit, and i didn't know it had been filmed shortly before his death and would eventually come to be seen as the crowning final jewel in the midst of years of muddy decline. all i knew was that this man looked like he should've been in a hospital instead of on a stage, pouring sweat, minutes away from toppling backwards off the piano bench, and despite all of that... he was making the most devastatingly beautiful music i had ever heard. his voice was so strong, so clear, and i was once again baffled that a voice like that could be coming out of his visibly ailing body. i thought about how beautiful it was that he was giving so much of himself to perform this song when he looked like he didn't even have it in him to make it another couple of days. and i thought he was the most beautiful man i had ever seen in my life for doing it. it was like i had the word "beautiful" running on loop in my head. the only thought i had was "beautiful, beautiful, beautiful," over and over again until the song finished.

i didn't even realize i was crying until my gramma (who was just about deaf and had been two floors above me and on the other side of the house) came down to check on me. i remember her coming to stand at the foot of the basement steps and looking at me really carefully, asking if i was ok. and i had never heard her sound worried before ever so i took my headphones off and opened my mouth to ask her what she meant, and i realized i couldn't talk because i was so violently sobbing. apparently i had been shaking, hugging myself, and rocking back and forth for the duration of the video and was so insularly focused on elvis i hadn't even known it. dramatic ass bitch

eventually i calmed down enough to tell my gramma i didn't know who elvis was but i was having a breakdown about him anyway, and it felt really weird because a man i wasn't even invested in had just changed my life maybe bc that's about how big what i was feeling was. she just said "ok. do you want to feel that more or less?" so she sat there with me and i watched the video three or four more times and thought he was just angelic. not in the cheesy "did it hurt when you fell from heaven" way but like there was literally something of the divine about him. and i sat there at the computer desk and cried myself out and eventually about forty minutes later said "ok now i would like to feel less" so she told me on the news that morning had been a performance by a boy about my age and did i know who justin bieber was. this was probably a leading question because it was statistically likely i was wearing a my world 2.0 t-shirt at this time, but it gave me an opportunity to show a 70-year-old the baby music video and also to explain what a youtuber was and my emotional range normalized again.

and then that depth of emotion was so uncomfortably strong and i was so unequipped to deal with it as a kid that i shoved it down and learned hound dog and blue suede shoes and can't help falling in love and then totally disavowed myself of Anything elvis for a decade. or at least that's what i thought i was doing but also i loved dion and the belmonts on one end of the relevant temporal spectrum and frankie valli and the four seasons on the other and my favorite movie was bye bye birdie (the 1995 tv one with jason alexander tho not the '63 version sorry ammo) and i spent a Lot of time reading about buddy holly's life story so uh. MAYHAPS I WAS ALWAYS PRIMED FOR THIS.

and then baz luhrmann bashed me on the head with a sledgehammer and it hit my reset button and now here i am✨

#mine #🐞 #tag game

[stonewallsposts]

Rome 2023 

Earlier this year my oldest son asked if we'd want to go with him, his wife, and her parents to Rome. We decided that this kind of opportunity- to travel with my kids again (my youngest son is coming too), isn't going to happen often, so we are going. The tickets are for the end of November. When I started looking up the things to do in Rome, there is SO much to see, especially for someone who likes history.  

I have a list of 21 things to see which I'm considering my must-see list, though a few  of the things could be dropped if necessary, or combined since some of them are 'neighborhoods' that we will be in. I don't know that I need to see the catacombs, and the ancient Appian way is basically a road, so I could probably drop that one too. But there are so many monuments and ancient constructions in the area of the Colosseum that I could add another bunch of sites to see just in that area. 

My son, his wife and her parents are arriving in Europe earlier and traveling to Croatia first. I wouldn't have minded going to Croatia, but my wife just started a new job about 6 months ago and she doesn't have the level of PTO saved up that it would take to travel all over. And my youngest can't be away for that long either since he has pets and will need to board them. So, our trip will be more abbreviated than my oldest son's.  

But still, I'm really looking forward to seeing Rome. I've been there twice before, but only as a stopping point to switch trains. And all the Italians I've met say you HAVE to see Rome for the historic value. I've sent my list to an Italian girl that worked with us at the law firm, and who moved back recently to see if she would suggest anything else as "must see". It was kind of funny, but I actually used ChatGPT, the AI program, to compile the list. When I asked it what the 10 most important sites to visit in Rome were, it actually came back and said something like: "It's really hard to narrow it down to only 10 places, but try these." So I returned: "Alright, add another 10 sites to the list." Which is how I arrived at the 20 places. But then I added the Circus Maximus and the Ponte Fabricio- the oldest bridge over the Tiber, constructed in the 2nd century... BC...let that date sink in. And around the Colosseum there are monuments and arches built by a few of the Roman Emperors that didn't make the list. But that I would love to see. 

Over the next few weeks and months, I want to do some more research and see what kind of timing I might need for each of the attractions and see if I can plan them out so we can maximize what we're able to see.  

Then my oldest is planning on visiting Milano too, where we have family. I sent them a message and mentioned that my son would be coming to Milan, and they were like: you and shelly aren't coming??? 

I said no, we don't have the time this trip to make multiple stops, which they understood. But I am kind of bummed, because there are some new nephews and nieces that we haven't met yet, but, that's the way it goes. We'll have to go back again another time.  

[biboywizard]

I think love is about learning how to love someone. Love is about accepting and rebuilding and on some days I find this very frustrating and tiresome. I want to love and be loved easily and I have to learn it.

On some days it is also the most romantic thing ever:

Love is me sitting cuddeling with my brother gushing about Eldenring graphics and hearing him tell me abt weapons and lore till I can see his fascination. When he tells me what he does and doesn't lack in the relationship with his friends after I rant to him about the emotional impact that yoonmin fic left on me, bc it reminds me of a past relationship.

It's asking my parents about their lives as young adults untill the tell me about their own parents with love and relief and withheld pain and stuck up frustration. The love of learning where someone's coming from and therefore how they will feel in different situations. I read a lot of books on communication and looked for the clues that means a person wants to share with you like this for so long. Hearing how they experienced life as a child and being absolutely awed soo so much development happened between this and how they raise us. The joy of being trusted by a parent as you are trusted by a friend.

Oh manye it's just a bunch of situations that happend after you loved someone for so long and try to like and understand them

Meeting with my best friend from school and talking for hours. Sometimes effortless, sometimes working through the fact our lives are very different and getting on the same wavelength again.

Texting one of my best friends who won't text me by himself or arrange a meeting but will cuddle with me for hours and swap stories about parental trauma. Who will remember I like the glutenfree pizza his mom makes on thursdays and always bring me a piece to uni on friday.

It's fixing. It's fixing a relationship after fighting when you knew each other for ten years prior and never fought. It's starting the conversation with "I don't really understand why we don't talk, like we used to, but I love you (there's a softer word in my language)and please let us stay best friends" after you dated your best friend and broke up and work through that. It's validating your siblings for their struggle with their own friends treating them poorly until they feel well, later on bringing up they used to do a similar thing to you years ago and asking and getting: )) the apology and acknowledgement of your hurt you forgot you wanted. It's talking to your parents and telling them your not sure how much they support you being a boy since they are very sceptical of all things following that and getting assurance you are loved even though they are critical of your schedule.

It's working with yourself. It's looking at a boody that is physically uncomfortable and deciding to love it as yours. It's looking at your relationship with yourself and redo it after every change so you still love yourself. It's realizing you are still so hung up on feminity because you rarely know how to love different or be loved as something that is not a daughter or a sister and loving this fear yet also reworking it into something that allows change. It's taking small breaks evertime you start or end something"Do I love myself right now?""Why do I feel unsatisfied"?"

Love is emotional labour

It is also physical one I might add. Love is me sending you a mental health tiktok and maybe one abt history and a funny one. It's me leaning into different embroidery techniques because I loved this fanfic so much and this 30cm embroidery (I designed with the symbolism of it and sappy scenes I like) is the way I can pour my love and admiration for the author, with whom I won't ever interact more than my comment into something. It's liking selfmade gnocchi because your friends taught you how to make them and it's significant to them bc they're from italy and their grandma taught them. Putting away the bottles the people in my dorm left partying last night. Wearing earrings I like to fidget with. Trying to be careful with myself even though I feel like academically I am not doing as well as I used to. Socially too. Keeping yourself from buying another dress bc they are giving you dysphoria but you also feel so pretty. Saving my dad a slice of lemon cake to try.

[justkillingtimecazimbored]

so I decided to post my random deepest thoughts of life in here

Like I was in a fucking bad rom com movie and I was the narrator..

I'm 22 I was born in 1999 but I'm never really 22 caz I never had the life experiences that makes me 22 ..or 18 or 16 or fucking 15 ,okay maybe 15 I did at least been kissed I'm not that miserable..

But I never actually been to school tho some will be like " lucky son of bitch"me ...but I actually really wanted to go to school because ironically I am extrovert person and I love ppl, well, some ppl not all of them I'm not fucking mother Teresa..

I never had sleep over or slumber parties, well If you would call getting to sleep a night with my damn younger sister and my damn cousin (witch are also my best friends) a fucking sleep over well, then sleepovers aren't that fun caz we would spent half of the night fighting over the film we would watch ending the night not watching any... and our grumpy grandfather force us to sleep by 11 p.m..

And I never been to prom ...and that's is a fucking big deal i grew up watching fucking Disney channel prom was the core experience of being teenager , that silly little dress or suit and those damn corsages ( witch I don't know how to spell that shit but any ways)

And the fucking dance damn I'm must be missing much ..and then Graduating high schools again didn't not have ... driver's license, did have, moving out my parents and go to college or at least just move out also not...and getting a fucking job and be able to drink fucking alcohol nah,didn't get to do that also ,I did once get a job ,witch was family business and that SUCKS caz you don't really get paid fairly bc you are family ..and let alone the damn pressure of being monitored by family members all the damn time, witch was nerve wracking and that when I realized that I feared my family members more than I loved them ..

And I don't really know if i had friends...like i make acquaintances everyone I go I'm an extrovert ish but friends I had couple people in my life who I called friends like truely friends I love them but the deal is I always fucking disappear for years out there lives and to be honest,I'm quit insecure about people " abandonment issues"

And the only person that I have as a friend in my life now is 13 going 14 yrs old girl I never met before witch I totally taking the responsibility of taking care of her and her wellbeing as my life mission, kinda of god mothering her trying to keep her from doing all the stupidity I did (as such hurting myself or even trying to commit suicide multiple times) I'm a bit dramatic I must say but I really care for her

And I'm not going through my dating history caz that was tragic epic Chapter, period

But what I can sum up from that that I have the capacity or the ability of persisting to do the most horribly stupid mistakes that can ruin my whole fucking life, and If I dedicate that amount of energy to do something that would not end up run my life I wouldn't be here, now typing these words, but si la vie or it is what it is ,no regrets, life must have it ups and downs ...

Till next time

-your narrator

#Just shitty film narrator #Lifetime #Deep thoughts

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is not dating, nor showing an interest in it and having your parents constantly thinking this means you are gay. Even more fun (/s) when they dread you being gay because they are homophobic.

.

#aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod kee #my parents have decided that bcs my dating history as they know is to a binary trans individual #and they refuse to believe that i'm trans too #that i must be straight just so that they can be transphobic to both of us #while simultaneously i'm shocked that they just don't interpret me as gay due to my ex being wayyy more out than me #Anonymous #homophobia ment

[niaoniaos]

this got really long so its going under a read more LMAO but here is a japanese drama rec list combined from things i have watched along with recs from @storge and @machikeita! if you want to start watching jdramas but aren’t sure where to start, check out drama-otaku’s drama resource guide bc it truly tells you everything you need to know. obviously there are so many more jdramas then this, and mdl truly does not due japanese dramas service tbh so i recommend also browsing drama-otaku (the site is in beta and you do need an account to view any subs) and seeing if anything else catches your eye! 

if you’re looking for a romcom

Koi wa Tsuzuku yo Doko Made mo (2020): one of my top dramas of 2020, sakura nanase becomes a nurse after helping save someone with  tendo kairi. she melts his heart and its so cute i can vomit (on viki)

Rinko-san wa Shite Mitai (2021): this may be my 2022 drama of the year, its short, its on viki, and its about how rinko presents herself as a “perfect” woman, but has been single her whole life. she ends up entering a friends with benefits relationship with fellow forever single co-worker kamisaka gen and i do not know how this drama expected to convince me that man was a virgin bc i was screaming the whole time. its def an Adult drama so minors beware lmao but god its great even if the last few episodes felt rushed

Ashi Girl (2017): time travel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is a zoe @storge rec but now im gonna watch it bc of time travel (beloved). yui travels back in time and meets a hagi clan boi, but when she goes back to history class she finds out his clan is going to be wiped out, and does her best to save him

Jimi ni Sugoi! Koetsu Garu Kono Etsuko (2016): this may be on viki in some regions and is another zoe rec! kouno etsuko joins a publishing company wanting to be a fashion editor, but becomes a proofreader instead, and the drama follows as she begins to realize the allure of the profession and prob follows in love with a coworker as well but i have not watched this

Shanai Marriage Honey (2020): a contract marriage so yall know im gonna watch this eventually but a zoe rec!! miura manatsu and haruta ami meet on a dating app and decide to get married for various reasons, unaware that they’re actually coworkers. i can imagine the shenanigans already tbh

Cherry Magic (2020): if you havent watched cherry magic you’ve made a mistake and should fix it immediately. thx.

Kieta Hatsukoi (2021):  if you havent watched kieta hatsukoi you’ve made a mistake and should fix it immediately. thx.

Black Cinderella (2021): its a lex rec @machikeita! kamiya manah childhood dream was to enter a beauty pageant, and in doing so meets two boys, one handsome and self absorbed and the other a transfer student.

Koi wa Deep ni (2021): completely head empty romcom about an oceanographer trying to stop a company from building a resort on the ocean

I Don't Love You Yet (2019): its a lex rec! mitarai yo is a successful career women but lacks in the love department. she and her best friend ishida ren make a bet seeing who can fall in love and get married within the next year, and whoever loses must pay the winner 300,000 yen. this sounds like friends to lovers at its fucking finest.

Love Is Phantom (2021): its a lex rec! another shorter time drama that seems ~ steamy ~ minors beware lmfao. strangers hirasawa momoko  and hase kei meet on the observation deck of the hotel where momoko works and i’m sure what follows is a lot of making out!!!

if you’re looking for a slice of life

Neechan no Koibito (2020): possibly my new favorite japanese drama, momoko has to raise her three younger brothers after their parents die when she is in high school. the drama mostly covers her workplace, but presents a great family relationship and healing, growth, and communication in her newfound romantic relationship with yoshioka manato

Nijiiro Karute (2021): kureno masora is a budding young doctor when illness strikes, and she decides to work at a countryside clinic where she can more easily hide her illness. its a wonderful story that deals with chronic illness not only in our mc, but in side characters, and shows different types of relationships through main and side character interactions. NO ONE DIES but like. you will cry.

Rokuhodo Yotsuiro Biyori (2022): i think this is on netflix and viki?? maybe one??? idk but its food porn Galore and its about a found family running a bistro where they basically help people relax via food. theres a lil bit of family drama but overall just a really nice relaxing drama

Damena Otoko ja Dame Desu ka? (2022): its a lex rec! follows the hijinks when gonta, a tokyo man ends up switching bodies with katsuyo, a grandma living in the countryside.

Tonari no Kazoku wa Aoku Mieru (2018): its a lex rec and its also on my plan to watch! tonari focuses around an apartment complex, and three different families as they deal with everything life throwa at them.

if you’re looking for mystery/suspense/revenge

Boku Dake ga Inai Machi (2017): adapted from a manga and on netflix as erased, satoru gains the ability to travel back in time and tries to stop a kidnapping that occurred when he was in elementary school

Enjiya (2021): this is Technically a revenge drama because the found family runs a service where they complete tasks for people, and tbh just so much found family. 10/10. also super short and super good and i desire so much more from this drama

Ouroboros (2015):  ryuzaki ikuo and danno tatsuya grew up together in an orphanage, and witnessed the murder of their older-sister figure, but were ignored by police. ikuo is now a detective, and tatsuya is now a leading figure in the underworld. working together, they try and unveil who murdered their sister and expose the organization behind it.

if you’re looking for case of the week/medical/law/police etc

Unnatural (2018): my love of the tv show bones as a youngin makes me love any type of medical examiner show but unnatural is Truly great and tackles as the synopsis says, “its main theme is the change of reality brought upon by imminent death of a loved one.”

Code Blue (2008): this is like the quintessential old medical drama about five doctors training to become doctor heli doctors, where they’re sent out via helicopter to areas quickly that an ambulance may not be able to reach. i marathoned this series and if you’re like me and love medical dramas this really hits the spot

Hakozume: Tatakau! Koban Joshi (2021): its a lex rec! follows rookie police officer mai, who works in a police box in a rural town. she is thinking about quitting before meeting seiko, a former ace detective who has been sent to the police box. the two team up to take care of their rural town.

Oretachi wa Abunakunai ~ Cool ni Saboru Keijitachi (2020): its a lex rec! follows two procrastinating detectives as they try and solves cases but get into nonsense bc they’re focusing on the non-investigating parts of the job.

Talio Fukushu Daiko no Futari (2020): i’ve only watched the first ep so does this belong here Who Knows but talio is about a lawyer and a conman teaming up to get justice and its @mostlyfate‘s fave drama so don’t take my word for how good it is take theirs LOL

Kounodori (2015): revolves around an obgyn facility, and doesn’t just focus on the doctors, but also the trials of pregnancy and how it effects new parents. its a great drama and covers issues that most other medical shows won’t touch

if you are brave and want to watch an asadora (but please do):

an asadora is a morning drama in japan. episodes are 15 minutes long, and shown in the morning every day of the week (or almost every day of the week). they range from about 120-150 episodes, but because of their length, in reality you’re only watching about 32-36 full hour length episodes (i think my math could be wrong). asadoras typically cover a hero or heroines full life, and deal with family, work, and whatever else is thrown their way

Okaeri Mone (2021): every single person who watched forecasting love and weather you were watching the WRONG weather drama bc this is it yall. this is it. momone (aka mone) is from a small island, and after high school begins working in an inland big city, where she eventually falls in love with weather forecasting (and a hot doctor). this drama mostly follows mone and her dedication to helping people through the weather, but it does cover some family members and her family friends, as well as the repercussions an old typhoon still has on the residents of kesennuma bay. this is a modern day set asadora, with the timeline catching up to 2021.

Natsuzora (2019): screaming crying throwing up watching okaeri mone and natsuzora back to back was a mistake bc they were the asadora standard and idk how anything will ever beat them tbh. natsuzora begins after the end of the second world war, and natsu (or heroine) is orphaned, along with her siblings, after her father dies in the war and her mother dies in a bombing attack. she begins living her with her fathers friend, who is a dairy farmer, and is originally planning to take over the farm before she decides to take her destiny in her own hands and moves to tokyo to become an animator. this is honestly a lovestory to the beginning of animation at its core, and the story revolves around natsu, her foster family and friends back home, as well as biological brother and the family she creates in tokyo. 10/10. fucking love this drama. the subs are messed up for the last two? weeks, but you torrent the subs for the last week and sync them to the raws. the drama starts right around 1946 and covers into the late 70′s? i could be incorrect with the dates but it covers the showa era.

if you’re even BRAVER and made it this far and want to watch toku:

did you watch power rangers of child? confused why some of the scenes looked out of place?? thats bc the footage is taken from super sentai. super sentai and kamen rider are basically 30 minute long 50 episode length shows that are just advertisements for kids toys yet somehow have made me cry harder than any other show <3 it can be daunting bc theres so many seasons so these are just my opinions on where to start

Gokaiger (2011): it’s a anniversary season, and they were able to get So Many older actors back for the episodes corresponding to their seasons. it has baby yamada yuki, ot6 pirates, and its a great way to gauge what other seasons you want to watch that are older than gokaiger. gokaiger is what made me watch magiranger (banging 10/10)

Lupinranger vs Patranger (2018): its thieves vs cops but tbh the cops are always on the backburner (sorry pats it is what it is). also the reds are in love with each other (they kissed in the liveshow we’re not making it up!!!)

Kamen Rider Fourze (2011): kamen rider and sentai air together, and this was gokaigers pair. its a glee ripoff in terms of sterotypes, but its literally 10x better. featuring a baby fukushi sota and yoshizawa ryo fourze is literally about utilizing the power of friendship to defeat boomers. 10/10

#jdramasource #japanese drama recs #drama recs #anyways dont be a coward watch some jdramas #most of my dramas this year have been jdramas no regrets