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peterparkersnose · 11 months

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I Need You More Than I Wanted To

pairing: Din Djarin x reader

word count: 3k

warnings: needy din, lowkey out of character but idc, pining possibly one sided, lots of begging, angst, description of y/n’s body, masturbation reference if you squint HARD, sappy speeches at the end, arguing, lots of angst (bc angst is my favorite)

a/n i’ve had this idea in my drafts for MONTHS so i’m so happy i’ve gotten around to writing it.

summary Y/N overhears a damaging conversation between Din and Greef Karga

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read time: 11 mins 8 seconds

Din’s heart ached like no other watching you these past few days. The silent suffering, the longing, and the pain he has been observing was hard to watch; the hardest part was that he was the reason for this.

He knew you like the back of his hand. For years the two of you have been traveling the galaxy, searching for as many credits as possible and managing to have a fun time while doing it. Living life with you is how Din preferred it. It was carefree. The two of you made a great team and wanted to live lavishly one day. That was the dream, at least. The two of you saved credits like crazy, but it never seemed to be enough to purchase a palace. Once the kid came along everything changed. The sudden dream of living large seemed to fade over the horizon. Something clicked. The two of you were now parents.

When Greef mentioned to him about you when the two of you visited the new Nevarro, Din was sure he was just messing with him.

“Are you two finally together?”

The question confused Din.

“You know, the way she looks at you. That’s love.”

Din was shocked. Had he really been that clueless?

“That’s impossible,” Din responded. Greef laughed. “You're telling me that if she made the first move, you wouldn’t reciprocate it?”

A strict “No” came from Din. “Never.”

The child cooed and the two men turned around. There you stood in the doorway, waiting for them to finish their conversation. The exact conversation you had just overheard.

Your mouth slightly dropped. The expression on your face was shocked. You quickly blinked and closed your mouth, trying to mask your disappointment. But Din knew. Maybe it was enough to fool Greef Karga, but Din knew he had just hurt the person he cared for the most deeply.

“H-he wanted you,” you said silently, not expecting your voice to quiver. You set down Grogu on the red velvet couch. Din nodded. Your lip quivered as you stared at him through the visor in pure shock. With hurt in your eyes, you excused yourself to the shared quarters the two of you were given for the time of your stay.

“And that…” Greef began. Din scooped up Grogu in his arms. Grogu made a noise and grunted, seemingly wanting to now leave his father and attend to his heartbroken mother. He squirmed in Din’s arms until he let him down.

“That was the look of heartbreak.”

The next few days on Nevarro were filled with a cold distance. Neither you nor Din wanted to discuss the elephant in the room. Simple words were exchanged in the interest of the child, but that was about it.

It was your last night on Nevarro.

Din had been at the cantina with Greef Karga and some of his associates, celebrating the newly liberated Nevarro. You had gone to bed early, staying with Grogu.

You were surprised Din even agreed to go out, he hated outings such as drinking with friends. If things weren’t so heated at the moment, he would have much rather preferred a night staying in with you and watching some stupid show on your datapad and eating whatever your heart desired.

The sun had been set for hours. You were lounging in your satin red sleep robe that was complimentary given to you upon your arrival. The beautiful braid you had your hair up in all day was now gone, your hair was curled due to the all-day friction. The ladies assigned to your care were more than delightful. With the satin robes and braids you could never master, it was like you never wanted to leave. You lay on the king-sized bed you had been giving to Din the last few nights. The couch was beginning to hurt your back, and he was nowhere to be found.

Grogu, still not asleep, was patting the lavish sheets with his hands. You smiled, watching the curious creature discover the new textures. Your eyes wandered to the marvelous carvings coated in gold paint that covered the pillars in your room. Eyes beginning to droop, you were suddenly awoken by a cold hand on your exposed thigh.

“Buir!” he squealed. Recognizing the Mando’a right away, your thinned-lip smile turned into a frown. “I know,” you sighed, extending your hand towards the child and brushing the top of his head. “He’ll be back soon.”

Grogu crawled up your legs and onto your torso. Grogu began grabbing some of the strands of hair that lay on your chest, you slowly separated his hands from the grasp. “Good job on speaking, buddy.” you smiled, now sitting against the bedframe. Grogu sat in your lap, reaching for your hair once again. A genuine smile arose on your face as you watched your son rest in your lap. The thought of Din left your mind, but only temporarily. He seemed to haunt your dreams as he haunted your days. You fell asleep with Grogu in your lap.

Din’s clanky armor trudged up the many stairs to the guest bedroom. It was almost like a full workout, he was ready to get into the shower and then get into bed.

Din absolutely hated his time out; barely being able to sip his drink and listening to the arguing of men about topics he didn't even care about was not his idea of a good night. He didn't want to admit it though—he yearned to spend the night with you. You consumed his every thought, and with every sip of his strong alcohol, he just kept feeling worse and worse. The image of your face re played in his head all week. With the disappointment and hurt he never wanted to inflict on you, the guilt was building up in his stomach like no other.

Slowly, his ungloved hand waved against the sensor. The door whirred open. Din hoped he didn’t wake you, it was already almost morning, even though the sunrise was hours away. He could hear the morning bugs begin to chirp on his way home. As his eyes adjusted to the lighting, he set his helmet down on the chair in the corner. He turned around to find you- his heart seemed to skip a beat.

Laying in the silk robe you were gifted, your legs were parted awkwardly as you slept. You lay on your stomach with your face delved in a pillow. The slow movement of your back going up and down gave Din the confidence that you were okay. One arm lay at your side, the other cradled Grogu against your waist. His breath finally caught up with him once he realized he had been staring for too long.

The only thing he could seem to think about in his shower was his best friend. The woman who had always been there for him. She was merely a partner until Greef suggested otherwise. The thought of even diving into anything romantic with you never crossed Din’s mind until then. His hand held his seemingly limp body on the wall, holding him upwards as the water washed over him. The thought of you sprawled out on the bed, on his bed was just…

The thought went straight to his head, making him feel emotions for you he never had before. Your body, the way you lay, how you were protecting his son even in slumber. Everything about you seemed so appealing in a way Din had never felt for another woman.

“You know, the way she looks at you. That’s love.”

Greef’s voice haunted Din’s mind as he slept. He woke up gasping for air on the couch. You turned to look at him but only for a moment. You made eye contact. It was rare you saw him without his helmet, and even rarer to make complete eye contact. Din wasn’t one for eye contact. Looking down, you continued to fold Grogu’s extra robes that were freshly cleaned and delivered to your room earlier this morning. You were packing to leave.

Din sat upright, his hand holding his forehead. His head was pounding. Looking up, he noticed a glass of water and a few pills sitting on the table in front of him. Presumably set up for him, by you. His heart sank. Even in pain, you somehow still cared for him. He turned to look at you again. You were still getting Grogu ready to leave. He was jumping on the bed, making gargling noises as you tried to dress him. Din took the pills and finished the water and set the glass down with a clank, so you knew he had seen your gesture.

“What time are we leaving?” he asked, standing up to finish his packing. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror; his hair was disheveled and he was in need of a shave. He ran a hand over the patchy stubble on his cheeks. To his surprise, his bag was sitting packed on the same chair where he rested his helmet last night. His helmet was sitting on top of the bag.

You sighed. “Din,” you croaked, saying his name for the first time in days. He looked over at you. The same pain was there, but the look of exhaustion followed it. “I-I’m not going.”

His brows raised. A slight panic set in. “What do you mean, your not going?” he asked in a more hostile tone than needed. You drew in a sharp breath and looked back at the same gold detailing you were looking at the night before. “Grogu is packed,” you simply said, scooping the child up in your arms. He squealed at your embrace, cuddling up in your arms. It was the last time you were going to be with Grogu, at least for a while. “Greef invited us to breakfast,” you said, swiftly walking past Din to the door. Your attempt to leave was unsuccessful.

Din grabbed your arm and pulled you back. Grogu let out a whine, as he was shuffled in the hassle. No words had to be said, the stares you were giving each other were enough. Din tilted his head slightly. The feeling of you was slipping through his fingers. Memories of you two fighting bounties, saving credits for a future, and then raising Grogu together hurt him more than ever. You were already too far gone. He had done damage that seemed irreversible.

A single tear rolled down your face.

It was never meant to go this far.

“Let me go,” you begged. Din didn’t realize his grasp on you was getting tighter as the seconds went by. “I don’t want to,” he whispered, closer to a mumble.

With reluctance, he let go of your arm.

“What about the villa?” he called after you as you were about to exit the room. You stopped cold in your tracts. “Don’t bring up the villa-” you scolded him, turning around. The once-thought dream of living lavishly with Din, as a retired pair on a fancy planet scorned your broken heart. “You're really just going to leave? After everything?” he asked.

“You were my everything.” you bitterly cried out. Grogu squirmed in your arms. You sat him down on the bed.

Those words punched through Din like a thousand knives. “I didn’t mean-”

“Then what did you mean?” you ask, approaching Din. “I heard your conversation loud and clear, Din. I understand your intentions.”

“Y/N I had no clue,” he tried to defend himself. “Liar!” you screamed. Din was taken aback by your anger and took a few steps back. “I have spent the last many years of my life following you around blindly. We lived together, slept in the same bed, shared meals, shared laughs, and now share a child! I held you during cold nights! I saw your face, we’ve seen each other nude more times than I can count, you cared for me when I got hurt on that one mission to Tatooine. You cared for me while my leg was broken and I was helpless. We were everything without a title, Din! There is no way you never saw or felt anything. I simply don’t believe it. I can’t believe I thought I could see the true heart of a cold, selfish Mandalorian.”

Din was almost at a loss for words. He stood for a moment, finding words to say as he watched you realize every single word you had just spewed out at him. Your hand began to shake as you sat down, covering your mouth and staring at the carpet with wide eyes.

“Do you think I chose this? This is how I was raised, Y/N!” he argues. Your gaze moved from the carpet and back to Din. “I cannot take a spouse unless they are a Mandalorian, you know this,” Din begged, grasping for straws. He wanted you more badly than anything else in the world, but the creed that was so deeply indoctrinated in him was fighting the feelings.

“Blinded by your creed.” you spat out. Din seethed. The creed he was in the process of abandoning anyways.

“Why do you think I’m leaving it?” he blurted out. He didn’t want to admit it, but he said it out loud. Never had he ever admitted before to himself, let alone another person that he was done with his origins. The religion he was raised in, the culture that had brought him in and saved his life was now being thrown out… but for what? The convincing Bo-Katan did and saving him from this cult-like creed saved his life, truly deep down. Even if the efforts were small, they awoke something in Din. But was he really ready to shun his culture completely? Din never really came to terms with it, I guess, until now.

“You have hurt me deeply, Din Djarin,” you said with your lip quivering, stating your final words. With that, you took Grogu and went to breakfast. You knew using his full, true name always hit him in a spot where it hurt most.

As you were about to walk down the spiral staircase at the end of the hallway, you heard your name being called clearly from the other side of the hall. You turned around, seeing Din jogging down the hall to you.

“Din! Your helmet,” you cried out. He had left the room without it. As he only trusted you and Grogu to see his natural face, anyone who he didn’t trust could turn him into the leaders of his clan. It touched him that you seemed to care for him on some level to still care about his helmet insecurities.

Then again, the reigns the creed held on him were loosening day by day.

“Wait,” he said, huffing as he approached you. “Please.”

“I want to go eat breakfast,” you said sternly.

Din’s arms loosely fell over your figure, his hands slowly touching your arms as they cradled Grogu.

“Don’t go,” he begged.

You looked up into his glossy eyes. Often you would forget how much taller he was than you. Sighing, you looked away.

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t.”

Din’s knees seemed to collapse under him. He gave in to the buckling of his kneecaps and grabbed both of your hands, begging on his knees for you.

“To live all these years blindly, to not see what was truly in front of me will haunt me for the rest of my days. I am lost without you. Like a galaxy without stars, I am incomplete. I hope you can forgive me for my foolish words, I did not know what I was saying. You are everything to me. The mother of my child, my partner in crime, my light in the dark, my moon to guide me at night, my motivation, my companion, my love. Please forgive me. I need you to stay. You are all I have, you are all I need. A life without you is not worth living.”

To end his plea, he kissed your hands and wept.

Your right hand moved from his grasp to cup his cheek. It was wet with tears. “Don’t cry,” you whispered, wiping a tear away. “Din please,” you said, tearing up as you watched him sit and beg for you.

As his were moments before, your knees seemed to fail you and you joined him on the ground. Your hands grasped his hair as you engulfed the sobbing man in a hug. The soothing sounds of you shushing him like a baby filled the empty hallway.

“I won’t leave, I promise,” you whispered. This seemed to only make him cry harder. The realization Din had of how lucky he was and how close he was to losing you terrified him.

You would have never thought that you would be holding a sobbing Mandalorian. This was living proof of how much he loved and adored you. “H-how could you ever forgive me?” he asked, looking up into your gaze.

“I already have, my love.”

And with that, the two of you delved into your first kiss. It was wet and filled with passion, but also had a theme of hesitation from the two of you.

In all honesty, it was Din’s first kiss ever.

He moved his lips against yours, following your lead. The passion that moved between the two of you was something you had never felt with anyone else before. His hands wandered to your waist as he feverishly begged for more, but knew the limits of the setting the two of you were in.

Moments before the inevitable breakaway, your kiss was interrupted with a cool paw on your leg and a “Patu”

You rocked back on your legs to see the tiny green baby looking angrily at the two of you. A small laugh came from you and Din as he picked Grogu up and fixed his robes.

“Go get fixed up,” you said sweetly, kissing Din on the cheek. “I’ll meet you downstairs.”

“One question?” he asked, just as you were standing up to leave.

“What time are we leaving?”

“12.” you smiled, ruffling his already messy hair.

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outsideratheart · 2 months

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The Ashley Sanchez Future With You (maybe something leading up to a proposal?)

- Writer

An Italian sunrise with a surprise (Ashley Sanchez x reader)

The off season was in full effect. You had taken a trip with your friends, your girlfriend included of course, and now you were in Italy on a family vacation.

After your conversation with Ashley you began to seriously consider marrying your girlfriend. The first thing on your to do list was find a ring that suited her and that showed how much you loved her. Much to your surprise this was rather easy. Instead of traipsing round every jewellery shop in the city, you decided to design one yourself. A one of a kind ring for a one of a kind woman.

The sun was barely visible over the horizon as you sat on the balcony. You had been up for just over an hour, your thoughts had been too loud for you to sleep.

On the table in front of you laid a velvet box.

This is where you would do it. It’s had been planned out for months. All you had to do was keep it together until then.

“Baby, it’s still early. Come back to bed” Ashley hoped to bury herself into your arms, not turn to find an empty bed.

“Watch the sunrise with me, Ash” you turn to face her and hold your hand out.

You can see her thinking about it. Ashley was many things but a morning person was not one of them.

“Please” it was a plea backed with softness.

She shook her head before grabbing on of your t-shirts. Once out on the balcony she takes her place on your lap and sees the reason why you had asked her to stay with you. The sunrises in Italy were the most beautiful she had ever seen.

“What’s this?” Ashley goes to reach for the box but you quickly take it off her. Deep down she knew what it was and she didn’t want to ruin whatever you had planned.

“It’s not in there. Look” you opened the box to show her it was empty.

“Would a ring have been in there?”

“It does look like one would fit” you tease her “would you still say yes?”

That night in your childhood home has turned into a core memory. It changed everything in your mind. It cemented just how much Ashley loved you and how much you loved her.

“I would. If I’m being honest I thought you would have asked by now. You never have been the most patient person”

It’s like something clicked. Ashley was right, you aren’t patient. When you want something you get it and for the last couple of months you have wanted nothing more than to make Ashley your fiancée.

“Wait here!” You use your strength to lift her up and place her gently on the chair the two of you were sat on.

You all but run to your parent’s room which was at the end of the hall. You knock rapidly on the door hoping that one of your parent would be up.

“Hi dad. It’s time. I need it” you don’t say anything else and a few second later he comes back with the ring.

“Don’t stress. Keep it simple”

Don’t stress. It’s like he didn’t know you at all.

Ashley is in the exact same place where you left her when you return. When she looks at you, you have no doubt that this is the best decision you will ever make.

“You gave it to your dad, didn’t you?” A smirk is plastered on her face.

“Yes I did. You’re a snooper so you left me with no choice”

You took a deep breath. Keep it simple, that’s what your dad said. You got down on one knee and took Ashley’s left hand in your own.

“For many years I have known you are the one for me. It wasn’t like a switch flipped. I just remember waking up one morning and realising that I never want to wake up without you. Everything that life has to offer, I want to experience with you. I have loved being able to call you mine for the last 8 years but I know I’ll love this next chapter even more”

Ashley listened to every word you said. She could have interrupted you and said yes straight away but she wanted to savour this moment.

“I love you with all my heart Ashley Sanchez and right here, right now, I promise to love you and cherish you until the end of time. Will you marry me?”

“Y/L/N, I told you once before that I would marry you and now I will tell you again. Yes, yes. A million times yes”

#woso x reader #uswnt x reader #Ashley Sanchez x reader

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inthedayswhenlandswerefew · 2 years

Text

Have You No Idea That You’re In Deep? [Chapter 1: Moonstone]

Aemond is a fearless, enigmatic prince and the most renowned dragonrider of the Greens. You are a (newly widowed) daughter of House Mormont and a lady-in-waiting to Princess Helaena. You can’t ignore each other, even though you probably should. In fact, you might have found a love worth killing for.

This series begins approximately 1 year before the events of Season 1, Episode 8.

Song inspiration: “Do I Wanna Know?” by Arctic Monkeys.

Chapter warnings: Language, truly unhinged flirting, low-level witchcraft, mentions of death and violence, some sexual references.

Word count: 3k.

Link to chapter list (and all my writing): HERE.

Please let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist! 💜

He changes every room he walks into; he drags your eyes to him like the sea swallows anchors.

You’re lacing up the back of Helaena’s gown—a rose gold color, free-flowing and feminine and delicate, just like she is—when the prince enters her chambers. You know it’s him without needing to look; you would recognize the rhythm of his steps anywhere. It’s a terribly intimate thing to know about a person you’ve never properly spoken to.

“Aemond!” Helaena chirps, beaming, opening her arms to embrace him.

With abruptly shaky, ungainly hands, you rush to finish lacing the dress and then retreat to the other side of the room. You busy yourself with reorganizing Helaena’s vanity as she climbs onto her tiptoes to throw her arms around Aemond’s neck. He is not one for sentimental displays of affection, but he tolerates this for her sake. He has a soft spot for her. When you steal a glimpse of them, Aemond’s glacial blue eye lands on you and then darts away.

“Come, brother, sit with me,” Helaena says excitedly, pointing to her table surrounded by four chairs. Aemond yanks one out and plunks down, swinging his boots up onto the table. He has positioned himself so that you are standing on his good side, so that he could watch you if he wanted to. Surely this is a coincidence. “How was your sparring with Sir Criston?”

“Satisfactory. How are the insects?”

“Oh, let me tell you!” Helaena produces a large wire cage from under the table. Aemond smirks as if he’s trying to figure out how life brought him to this moment. You have been Helaena’s lady-in-waiting for a full month now, and her younger brother is a constant fixture of her routine. At first, he appeared about once a day; now, it’s at least thrice. Sometimes he materializes for seemingly no reason at all, makes a few unurgent inquiries, does a lap or two around the room, and then leaves as unceremoniously as he arrived. Now, he listens politely as Helaena describes each tiny captive creature to him in excruciating detail: the beetles, the crickets, the butterflies, the saintly praying mantis. Once or twice, Aemond seems to glance over at you. It’s hard to tell for sure because you’re committing your full faculties to not staring at him. It is sort of working. You tug at the moonstone pendant you always wear—the one your mother gave you—trying to distract yourself.

“Lady Mormont,” Helaena says. Now she has the praying mantis in her hands and is letting it creep back and forth across her knuckles. “Is there any wine?”

You bring the pitcher to the table and fill two jeweled cups with a sleek, dark, red liquid like blood.

“Thank you, my love!” Helaena trills as you serve her first. She grasps the massive cup with both hands like a child. You aren’t sure how Hightower and Targaryen flesh melded to create something as blameless and benign as Helaena, but you’re certainly glad that they did.

You offer the prince his cup while peering demurely down at the table, determined not to look at him, petrified that once you begin you’ll never be able to stop. He doesn’t take it. You wait, and wait, and wait, holding the cup in midair. Helaena slurps her wine, breaking the laden silence. At last, your eyes meet Aemond’s; and sure enough, then you’re trapped there. It’s only a second or two, but it feels like a lifetime. He’s so beautiful it hurts, it quarries empty places into your bones that scream to be filled. The prince smiles victoriously and plucks the cup from your hand.

“And one for you too, I think,” he says in his low, commanding voice.

“For me?”

“Yes, you.” He takes a swig of his wine and pulls out the chair on his good side. Helaena watches, half-amused and half-puzzled. The praying mantis is now perched on her shoulder, pondering the scene with bulging, unnerving green eyes.

You pour yourself a cup and sit reluctantly beside Aemond. He studies you like you’re a painting or a sculpture or a tapestry, taking in every line and shadow. In truth, it is not ordinarily in your nature to be reserved; you are a Mormont, you were raised to be bold and courageous and self-reliant. It is something you’ve always been proud of. It is the reason why Queen Alicent thought you’d make an excellent companion for Helaena. And yet…here with the prince…you aren’t sure what he wants from you. You so desperately don’t want to disappoint him.

“I know you,” he says at last. In the meantime, Helaena has fetched a deck of playing cards. The praying mantis is still hovering vigilantly on her shoulder. “You’re Lady Y/N Mormont. But that’s what everyone calls you. That’s what my dear sister and my mother and all the people of the court call you.” He gestures with his cup, like he’s referring to the entire world outside of this exchange, this moment. “What am I going to call you?” He considers this…and then his eye flicks down to your pendant. “Moonstone,” he decides. His gaze is mischievous, baiting. And immediately, you realize what he wants. This is sparring, just with words instead of blades. He is giving you permission to be bold. He is giving you permission to be exactly who you are.

“And what shall I call you?” you reply. “Lanky Boy? Eyepatch? Silver Hair?”

Helaena covers her mouth with her hand and winces. No one ever mentions the prince’s maiming in his presence…although you’ve heard plenty of people mutter about ‘Aemond One-Eye’ behind his back. Miraculously, he is not offended. “Just Silver,” he says with a sly, crooked smile. “It’s sharper, it’s cleaner. It could be the name of a sword.”

“See, this is why you frighten people. Because you say deranged things like that.”

“Do I frighten you?”

“No,” you say honestly. He doesn’t. Sometimes it frightens you how much you want him, but that’s all.

Aemond seems to like this. His smile becomes a grin, toothy like a dragon’s. “Come. Play cards with us.”

“I don’t want to intrude.”

“Oh, please, won’t you play?” Helaena pleads. “It’s so much better with three. Three is a number of power.”

“There, it’s decided, you cannot refuse your lady,” the prince says. He deals out the cards with precise, powerful hands. “Tell me, Moonstone, how did you come to King’s Landing? You were married to some Hightower, were you not? Some distant relation. Very distant. Practically a nobody.”

You nod as you collect your cards and plot your next move. “I married Axel Hightower almost exactly one year ago. My father arranged it, he and Axel’s father had met while fighting in the Stepstones as young men and kept up correspondence.”

“Yet this was an ill-fated union, I gather. How did your husband die?”

“He was leading a trade mission and his ship sank in the Sunset Sea, gods rest his soul.”

“My condolences. How tragic. And not even a body to lay to rest?”

“The currents are terribly rough there. They found a few pieces of the wreckage and that’s all.”

“Do you still mourn him?” Aemond asks, and observes you with particular interest.

You debate this for a while before you answer. “I…regret that he lost his life and that his family is deprived of his company. But I wouldn’t say that ours was any great love story.”

“But you did fuck him,” Aemond says. Helaena blanches and gapes at him, scandalized. He shows the palm of his right hand in contrition. “Forgive me.”

You are delighted to prove that you aren’t rattled by his question. “Of course, as was required.”

“And did you find pleasure in it? He wasn’t a brute to you, was he?”

“Not a brute,” you say. “There was some pleasure in it.” You smile roguishly at the prince. For once, he seems caught off-guard; he doesn’t know where you’re going with this. “Not as much pleasure as I might have found with a different sort of man, perhaps.”

“Hm.” The prince shifts in his chair and clears his throat. “No children?”

“None,” you agree softly. This is a bit of a sore subject; to be married for nearly a year without conceiving does not bode well for your ability to bear children, a prerequisite for most advantageous marriages.

The prince pivots. “So he bored you, this Axel Hightower. He couldn’t keep up with you.”

“He was pleasant enough. We spoke about the weather and the price of wheat, things like that. Though I did quite enjoy cheering for him during tourneys.”

“Tourneys!” Aemond groans.

Helaena giggles. “He hates tourneys. Though he’d have wicked luck if he ever tried them.”

“They’re frivolous. They’re for cowards who can’t prove themselves in a real battle.” The prince lays down his cards on the table. You and Helaena follow suit. When he sees yours, his mouth falls open. “What…?”

“Not used to losing, Silver?” you tease.

He laughs, incredulous, immeasurably pleased, his eye glinting. He seizes all the cards and reshuffles them. “So you weren’t in a hurry to return to Bear Island after your husband’s untimely death? Well, who could blame you.”

“My father didn’t want me back.”

The prince’s brow furrows as he deals out the cards. “That seems unlikely.”

“He has eight other children and a brand new wife who’s my age to keep him occupied. He’s barely aware of my existence these days, I assure you.”

“I’m sorry,” Aemond says gently.

“Don’t be. It’s not him I miss, nor Bear Island. There’s nothing for me there anymore. My mother…” Fleetingly, instinctively, you clasp your pendant and then drop it. “She died six months ago. In childbirth. They lost the baby too.” You feel your throat tightening, burning…and then you compose yourself. The prince is watching you intently. “After Axel died, his father wrote to his cousin the queen and asked if she had any use for me, and she thought I’d make a fine lady-in-waiting because…well, you know…” You nod subtly to Helaena.

“Because you’re a Mormont,” the prince says, strangely proud. “Because you’re steady and tough and pragmatic and worldly.” Everything my sister is not, he means.

“Exactly.” Wine is sipped. Cards slip from one hand to another. Helaena’s praying mantis is now on top of her head, stepping carefully over her snow-white hair. The servants come in to light the fireplace for the evening and then vanish again, but not before casting wide-eyed, wary stares at the prince. He mystifies them. He terrifies them.

“And so you find yourself here, in our service,” Aemond muses, passing you a card. “Can I ask you just one more impolite question?”

“You can ask her anything,” Helaena murmurs dreamily, and you both turn to her. The praying mantis bobs idiotically on her head. You hate her insects, though you try not to show it.

“Yes,” you tell the prince when you recover.

“What do you think of my loathsome half-sister Rhaenyra Targaryen, plotting her life away up in Dragonstone?”

You ponder your cards. “I feel sorry for her. That she is so maligned, that King Viserys’ affection for her has brought her so much hardship and acrimony and judgement. But she is the king’s choice. There is no denying it.”

Aemond is disappointed in you. “Her heirs are bastards.”

“Of course they are. Everyone knows they are.”

“And yet you don’t find that to be disqualifying?”

“I don’t think it really matters,” you confess. “The king chose Alicent Hightowner as his mate and companion—despite her distinct lack of silver hair or affinity for dragons—and yet their children are no less Targaryens. If Rhaenyra chose Harwin Strong, what is the difference? Her children are equals to you. They are half-Targaryen and half-not. And as far as I can understand it, their right to the Iron Throne passes uninterrupted through their mother.”

“So you support the Blacks and believe Rhaenyra should sit the Iron Throne.”

“No,” you reply simply, and that’s the truth.

“Why?” the prince asks, searching your face. “Because you still feel some helpless, blind allegiance to my mother’s house? Is it really as banal as that?” Are YOU as banal as that, he means.

You shake your head. “I don’t think the nobility would ever accept Rhaenyra. I don’t think the common people would either. Thus she can be no true queen.”

Now the edges of his lips curl into a ghostly, luring smile. “To challenge her claim would mean war.”

“War resulting from this particular dilemma, I fear, is inevitable.”

“And this doesn’t horrify you? Doesn’t make your blood run cold?”

“No,” you answer. “Battle purifies us, it renews us, just like fire. The worthy will survive.”

He looks at you for a long time before he speaks, the only sound the crackling of the fireplace. “This is dangerous, Moonstone. You are beginning to intrigue me.”

“Just beginning?”

The chamber door flings open and Aegon staggers inside. He has dark racoonish rings around his eyes and his hair is in disarray and he is obviously, pathetically drunk. “There you are!” he cries when he sees his brother. He leans against a marble column so he doesn’t fall over. “Mother is looking for you. She says you are supposed to dine together tonight. She wants to discuss a Baratheon marriage…or was it a Lannister marriage? Some sort of marriage, that’s for sure. To a woman. A human woman. A very wealthy and well-connected human woman.”

Aemond sighs as he places his cards on the table face-down. “Yes, it’s always about a Baratheon or Lannister marriage. Or an Arryn marriage. Or a Stark marriage.”

“Well, hello there, Lady Mormont!” Aegon says, noticing you for the first time. He waves from where he is propped against the column. You bow your head civilly in reply. You’ve heard plenty of gossip about Aegon since arriving in King’s Landing, although he’s never done more to you than make a few unsavory jests. You rebuffed them as rudely as you dared to.

Aemond’s eye scans the two of you and then narrows. “Does he bother you?”

“Hardly,” Aegon objects. “When I bite, she bites back.” He snaps at the air like a rabid dog.

Aemond chuckles. “As she should.” He stands. “Don’t clear the table,” he orders you with mock sternness. “I’ll return after dinner. We have our own little tourney to finish here. I’m coming back.”

“As you wish,” you say, realizing that you miss him already.

When he passes the column where his brother stands, Aemond halts. “You will not harass her,” he says darkly. His hand rests on the hilt of his sword. He towers above Aegon, dwarfing him.

“I certainly won’t,” Aemon hastily agrees. He appraises you, gives you a nod of approval—of acceptance—and spins around to follow Aemond out of the room, lurching and grabbing for walls to steady himself against.

“Now, back in the cage, my love,” Helaena informs her praying mantis as if it were an unruly child. She unlatches the miniature metal door and places the creature inside with the other six-legged captives. Then she asks you: “Is it too warm in here? I know we Targaryens like it hot. But you’re from the North. Perhaps you are sweltering. Perhaps I am torturing you.”

“No, I like the heat as well.” In truth, you’ve been too preoccupied to notice it.

“Good, that’s good. Because there is a great deal of fire in your future.”

You startle. Her words hit you like a fist, like lightning. A cold sweat breaks out on your skin; a shudder claws its way up the rungs of your spine.

But when you ask Helaena what she means, she doesn’t remember saying it at all.

~~~~~~~~~~

Long after nightfall—after Aemond wins two card games and you both conspire to let Helaena win the last, after the prince retires to his own chambers, after you fetch the princess’s nightgown and brush her long white hair and accompanied her to say goodnight to her children, after the Red Keep has fallen quiet under the rising full moon—you sneak unnoticed out of the castle and into the godswood. You take only a small bundle of items with you: a candle, a piece of flint, a dagger with a hilt shaped like the roaring bear of House Mormont, other secrets as well. You walk until you find the heart tree, where the Old Gods can hear you even here, so far from the wild North.

You don’t know if you truly believe in magic, but it makes you feel close to your mother. She gave you these spells, and she gave you knowledge of the Old Gods, in the same way that she gave you the moonstone pendant strung around your neck.

You place the candle—vivid red, the color of passion and willfulness and fire and blood—on an exposed, ancient root of the heart tree and light it by striking flint against the dagger blade. Then you wait until melted wax drips down the candle and seals it to the root. With the small dancing flame, you burn three things to ash: the feather of a dove, the petal of a red rose, and a tiny piece of parchment with two words written on it in red ink: Moonstone, Silver.

“I don’t ask for him to want me,” you murmur to the nameless Old Gods. “I don’t ask to change his heart. His heart is his own. But if…if he does want me…in the same way that I want him…” You close your eyes and clasp your hands together in prayer. The night wind tears through your hair. In the starlit quiet, you can hear the distant rumbles and screams of dragons. “Let us find a way.”

#aemond targaryen x reader #aemond x reader #hotd imagine #hotd #hotd fanfic #aemond targaryen #aemond imagine

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wowowwild · 18 days

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Ace's All Time Best Fic Rec List (AATBFRL) April 2024: Ace Attorney

It's been a 6 months since my last list so here we go again! (I specified Ace Attorney in case I start doing this for other fandoms.) I originally planned to have all the old recs here as well but the list was too long so here's a link to the previous list. These aren't necessarily in any particular order, but if you can think of a good way for me to organize them, please let me know for future lists!

P.S. Anything rated over T mentions that immediately for your browsing convenience.

Doing more self promotion this year, so check out my pinned post or fic tag (desktop only)!

London, 2021- 7 yg Wrightworth hint of Krisnix. Phoenix is presently in London with Edgeworth. Phoenix is presently knowing that he knows about Kristoph but doesn't want to acknowledge it bc Kristoph has been really good to him and Trucy. But that doesn't matter right now bc they're going to the theatre.

if you leave the light on- 7yg Wrightworth. Nothing can happen until it's over but something Keeps happening. Miles will wait as long as it takes and Trucy decides he's part of the family.

In The Dead Of Night- During the 7yg Edgeworth invites the Wrights to Europe. Trucy has a nightmare and 'Uncle Miles' comforts her.

Phoenix's List- After getting his badge back, Phoenix has some regrets and sets about fixing what he can.

Perfect- I actually found this on another fic rec list and I can see why it was their favorite. Set towards the end of the trial of Bridge to Turnabout. TW if you have memory issues, it might be a little hard to get through parts bc of all the mindfuckery. I have to be really vague here so as not to spoil it. (Wrightworth)

Eo Nomine- Klapollo fake marriage turned real marriage but ig that's what happen when you get fake married while being real in love.

the best you'll never have- Rated M for sex reasons. I love the tagline: "Someone else's wedding is something that can actually be so personal". It's a Blackmadhi complicated relationship, what relationship, they weren't actually dating but also...

Apollo and the Artist (1975 - Oil paint, wax crayon, pencil, collage)- Rated M for mentioned sex reasons. Apollo is not an art person. But to Klavier he is art... and also a person. They've known each other for 8 years and it's probably been coming for just as long. It was a long time coming.

darling i'd wait for you (even if you didn't ask me to)- Wrightworth fake date bc Edgeworth needs a plus one to a wedding for some guy, it's not really important. But the cake sucks.

A Knight in a Loud Red Suit- oh my god oh my god oh my god Klavier gets shot and Apollo stabs a guy. And also love confessions at the hospital. They could have me also if they wanted.

Written- Rated E for sex reasons. Edgeworth moonlights as a Steel Samurai fic writer, and due to it being an obvious coping mechanism for his life and feeling Maya finds out... and accidentally sends a fic to Phoenix who... finds out. Half of the smut is Edgeworth's own fanfic, so we get like... fanfic-ception. That doesn't really work with more than one syllable words, huh...

Lover Be Good to Me- Rated M for implied sex reasons. 5+1 klapollo wooing each other.

Love Love Love- Rated M for implied sex reasons. klapollo is messy in a good way and takes wayyyy too long to call themselves boyfriends. Set from middle of aa4 to past aa6.

delicate- Rated M for sex reasons. klapollo is messy in a bad way (long distance is hard) and they break up but it works out, I prommy. If you don't like angst you'll want to skip this one, though.

(i was) enchanted to meet you- klavquill! I love them, I need to read more fics with them. They meet at the Prosecutor gala for the first time and sparks fly. Actually, they were fireworks, but that's not important.

Process of Elimination- Rated M for sex reasons. One day I will read a fic where Blackmadhi is not complicated as hell. Can they ever talk about their feelings? Apparently I like this, though, bc I keep reading and recc'ing them. Um, Nahyuta is looking for a fuck buddy and by 'process of elimination' ends up deciding on Blackquill but whoops! Feelings.

feel your skin- Rated M for one boner. Klavier is infuriating AND wearing lipgloss and Apollo can't take it. Cue making out in the janitor's closet.

moribund- I keep thinking about this one so I need everyone else to read and think about it with me. Pre Gant busting, POV Lana has to help clean up his messes. This a comedy, mostly of errors.

chronophobia- StarrSkye (AngelxLana) Be forewarned, you are going to cry. Lana has done her time and is trying to find a way to reconnect with the most important people from her past.

Crash! Landing- Junithena, fantastic traumatized autistic representation, if I do say so myself as a traumatized autistic person. It is very sweet and Juniper is a real one. I need me one of those.

In Pursuit of Justice- This one is not yet complete, but I preemptively j'adore'd it. It's a klapollo. Sebastian is great. He says Apollo looks like a frog (accurate).

Witcheln Woes- Secret Santa klapollo and they are cute and Clay is alive and it is sooooo fluffy.

Samurai Swear- Maya making besties with Edgeworth! Maya and Phoenix being besties also! Dash of mutual pining wrigthworth.

Missing You/Missing Time- Ok, hear me out, yes, the mystical bullshit tag is accurate, and de-aging is a weird concept, but !!! It actually serves this story very well! It is a fanfic that feels like a fanfic, but sometimes you want that, you know? Not every fanfic needs to feel like Little Women. Established klapollo first I love yous.

#aatbfrl #ace attorney #klapollo #wrightworth #narumitsu #blackmadhi #junithena #starrskye #klavquill #ace attoney #krisnix #i'm not listing individual characters but there are other things in here besides ship fics

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being-addie · 10 months

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Habits I've successfully developed since my first post🤍

If you've been here since the beginning, you'll know of my first and most popular post where I discuss developing certain habits to improve my life.

Here it is: https://www.tumblr.com/being-addie/714114582776610816/healthy-habits-im-developing-for-2023?source=share

So far, I've managed to do a lot and I'm so proud of myself. If you did some of them too, I'm really proud of you <3. It's difficult but we did it!

Here's what I managed to accomplish:

⭐Got my sleep schedule right: I FINALLY am sleeping 7-8 hours a night and it's so much better because I wake up at 5:30 am every morning and I'm more alert these days.

⭐Working out: Started going to the gym 5 days a week. I'm also looking into some hip-hop classes in the evenings.

⭐Water: I've tried drinking more water, and it's certainly working. I'm not perfect, but we're getting there!

⭐Digital detoxing: I did it. I successfully deleted social media and I'm so freaking proud of myself. It's 100% not easy and while I do get the occasional bursts of jealousy and FOMO, I'm getting better <3

⭐Creative work: I've started to learn how to crochet, and I'm planning on starting knitting soon. I also want to begin making my own jewellery (possibly try my hand at making clothes as well)

⭐Portfolio: I've begun work on my portfolio and I'm really excited with all the ideas I'm getting.

⭐Clean room: My room is so much cleaner now that I'm tidying up on a regular basis.

⭐Friendships: Currently in a really great place with two separate friend groups who value me, and I'm really grateful to past me for cutting out people I thought were my "friends".

Of course, I'm not perfect, I will be struggling with some things. I did particularly have problems with some of these:

💛My to-do list: More often than not, my to-do list lies incomplete because I just don't want to do it lol. Discipline is key, and I'm working on it.

💛Food: I've had to go out so much, and I've been consuming less-than-ideal healthy food. It's been difficult because I'm out so many hours due to classes that I literally need to buy those sugary protein bars to eat. 10 hours a day of nonstop commuting, sitting for 2-hour classes is no joke. We've also had a ton of birthdays and outings so I'm trying not to give into temptation and buy a bag of chips on a whim.

💛Self-care: I was so busy, I burned out, oof. I overworked myself to the point of a mental breakdown, and I'm still so busy, I'm finding it difficult to set aside time to even do my Everything Shower. I'm going to try and cut my day into manageable chunks so I can decompress.

Learning myself over the last few months has been interesting, to say the least. Paying attention to your mind and body's cues allows you to be more aware of what you're doing and WHY. Here's your sign to start implementing habits you've been sleeping on.

Don't wait, just start. xoxo

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tboyswagging · 6 months

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Recently I have been making a kind of trans memory box of important things from my transition and as someone who lives in a fairly unsupportive environment I'm finding it really healing in a way. Like even despite it all I'm finding elements of me. I saw someone do this on Instagram a while ago so I definitely stole the idea. I'm just putting it in a random shoebox but I hope I'll look back on it one day when I'm in a better situation and further transitioned and like,, feel emotional about it. But this is what's in my memory box so far:

- my diary from 2016 which is the year I came out to everyone, it starts in May and I came out to my parents in January so I don't have their reaction but from the fact they gave me the notebook and they wrote a dedication to me which says "dear [deadname]" we can infer they are not on board (they still arent). But I've written entries about coming out to other people and talk about my life. Also I was in an abusive relationship later on in 2016 and its interesting to hear abt that bcs a lot of my memory has gone. I was in year 7 and its just crazy to think how my life has changed.

- old binder, not my very first binder bcs idk where that has gone I don't think I still have it but it's the last gc2b binder I had I've been getting spectrum since 2019 and its very stretched out bcs once I wore it for 8 consecutive days and nights (very very unadvisable). But its the longest ago binder I have so it'll have to do

- zine I was in when i was 17 that I hid from my parents bcs its Trans Themed

- my deedpoll

- letters from the GIC clinic from 2019 and 2021 (the second one telling me I have been put on the adult waiting list). I am literally nearly a year and a half on T and I still haven't got a GIC appointment it's a joke. (I started T priv but then transferred over to a nhs dr)

- First ever testosterone bottle packaging that I have stuck both my private prescription label and nhs prescription label to

I think I am gonna print out my gender dysphoria diagnosis if I ever have the opportunity (it is very funny bcs when I got diagnosed w gender dysphoria I was 3 months on T and had been identifying as trans for 7 years so i was like. Yeah no shit) and a photo of me the day I came out but I'm trying to think what other things I can put in it

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blouisparadise · 9 months

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Here are some amazing bottom Louis fics that were posted or completed during the month of July. We really hope you enjoy this list. Happy reading!

1) Louis' Wish / Harry's Daydream | Mature | 1987words

Louis and Harry are best friends. Louis is in love with Harry. Harry is in love with Louis. Neither of them knows it. What will happen if Harry catches Louis masturbating and screaming his name? Come and find out

2) It Was Worth The Wait, I Think You Deserve A Taste | Explicit | 1945 words

Louis wants to be fucked but Harry has something else planned for him.

3) To Walk Out of My Life | Mature | 1981 words

This time it was Niall and his stupid group chats that had gotten them in this situation. Harry and Louis have had a multitude of "one last times," they always end up the same, two men panting on the bed using their bodies to convey the words they'd never say.

4) A Messy Show | Explicit | 2,094 words

“Need you now, yeah. Bathroom?” Harry reached into his pocket and shook his head. “Nah. Niall has a girl in there. And Ed’s with someone in our room. And-,” “I get the picture,” Louis said, glaring up at Harry and palming his dick. “You have room here,” Luke said, causing them to both snap their heads his way. He gestured at the people lazying around their living room. “What? It’s your space. Besides, everyone is so high if anyone notices, they won’t care. Or they’ll find it hot and watch. Like me.” Harry combed a hand down his face, and when Louis squeezed his dick, he made the decision for them both. “Sure. Lou, take off your pants.”

5) Can't Believe You | Explicit | 2096 words

Barricade has always been hot to watch. Seeing the fans grab and caress Louis as if they own him. But this barricade went a little too far. “Ripping his entire fucking shirt,” Harry mumbles angrily to himself, bringing up the messages with a certain ginger.

6) Doctor | Mature | 2378 words

Harry and Louis are best friends that like each other but are too afraid to say anything. Harry is an ER doctor and one day Louis has to go to the ER because he couldn't pull out the sex toy that he was using to get off as he thought about Harry. What happens when Harry is his doctor? Maybe it will turn out better than Louis thought.

7) Except It Wasn’t | Explicit | 5469 words

It was a normal day, except that it was their five-year bonding anniversary. It was a normal day, except that they were going to finally start trying for pups. It was a normal day, except something awful happened to Louis. It was a normal day, except it wasn’t.

8) On That Note | Explicit | 6237 words

Louis’ office job on an omega only floor would be absolutely fine, if not for the alphas he and his friends have to deal with in the building. But although they’ve never met face to face, the friendly notes sent between him and Harry in Purchasing help him get through the day.

9) Your Right Now, Your Forever, Your Last Call, Your Whatever | Mature | 6361 words

“We should kiss.” So they kiss.

10) It’s Only Sunny Cause The Planet’s Dying | Explicit | 13643 words

The man leans back in his chair and looks down at the tarot cards in front of him. “Wow, that was really impressive. How long did it take you to memorize all this bullshit?” He raises a brow and that challenging look is back on his face, but he’s not even bothering to mask it this time. It makes Louis’ blood run cold. “I beg your pardon?” The man chuckles, but there’s no humor in it. “If you take a peek in my wallet that you just stole, you’ll see there’s a detective’s badge in there. Why don’t you come on down to the police station with me and you can explain your methods to me there?”

11) The Boy In The Café | Mature | 14624 words

Where Harry serves Louis his morning tea while writing him silly jokes and dropping his Number there too.

12) This Could Either Break My Heart, Or Bring It Back To Life | Not Rated | 18349 words

Harry never really cared for love: he has two children he needs to care for, and a Country to rule. Love is just not in his cards. Enter Louis, who spins his children's lives but most importantly Harry's.

13) Blue Moon | General Audiances |20351 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

What happens when Louis moves away from the busy city life to a small village in the middle of nowhere and meets Harry, the sweetest and most understanding Alpha? Will Harry be able to get Louis' walls down? Will he be able to adjust to the slower pace of life in the village and open up to Harry's love? As they navigate their new relationship, will they be able to overcome the obstacles from Louis’ past?

14) Not Safe For Work | Explicit | 23295 words

I want to drown myself in Harry’s scent until I smell like him. “I think I'm open to trying that too. Sounds very good.” Louis shakes his head a little to get out of the Harry’s-scent-spiral. “Huh?” “The dish your finger's pointing at. I thought that might be what you’re choosing?” “Oh. Yeah.”

15) 'Cause I Want You (For The Worse And For The Better) | Not Rated | 26375 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

When Louis gets invited along to Anne's wedding, Harry is prepared to let people think whatever they want about their relationship. That's what Louis said -- let people think whatever they want. That changes when Louis sees his ex, who turns out to be Anne's future husband's son. Now, Louis wants to prove that he's an omega that an alpha could want, and Harry wants to get through this weekend without letting his best friend figure out he's in love with him.

16) Deep Sea, Baby | Explicit | 28170 words

“Bunny, what’s wrong? Did something happen?” And just with that, Louis knew he wasn’t kidnapped or being pranked. He really was in his personal hell where the ex-love of his life still cared for him enough to make him breakfast, call him pet names and worry about him. And let’s not forget the part where his best friend apparently was no longer his friend. “I’m…” ‘You’re what??’ He thought. He couldn’t tell his mother he didn’t have any idea how he went from having a nice apartment in Hampstead to wake up in a “Didn’t Know I was Fucking Married and had a Distasteful Taste in Sheets.” episode. She was just going to worry and think he just lost his marbles. No one would believe him—to be frank, he wouldn’t believe himself either.

17) The Property Girl | Explicit | 31428 words

"YOU'RE THE PROPERTY GIRL!" Property what?!

18) Home Calls The Heart | Mature | 44091 words

A series of unfortunate events lands Louis Tomlinson in the heart of Texas. After running from his life in London and a performative marriage, he leaves a scandal in his wake. Home calls the heart, as his Nana always said. Though her words couldn't be truer when he decides to take up her offer to watch over Hyacinth ranch while she travels abroad. He figured the worst he'd have to deal with would be the meddlesome goats, some repairs and an errant spirit or two. That is, until the gorgeous Cowboy next door makes his presence known.

19) Men of Steel, Men of Power | Explicit | 58849 words

“You’ve been watching me,” Styles said. Louis swallowed around nothing. He tried for light. “You’re the newest addition, people are bound to be curious,” he said. “Sure,” said Styles, in a somewhat condescending tone. “I’m not that daft, I do notice the curiosity regarding my clothes. That’s not what you’re doing though, hm?” Styles’ gaze was intense, and Louis could feel it burn on the side of his face, but kept his eyes stubbornly on the coffee cup. “I,” he said, licked his lips. Took a deep breath, tried to look open, confident, dominant. Alpha.

20) The Habit I Can't Break | Explicit | 63140 words

While searching for a healthy alternative to fill the void that one habit left, Louis gets hooked on something and someone totally different. This new experience pushes him way out of his comfort zone, making Louis realize he’s capable of so much more than he could’ve ever imagined.

21) King Of My Heart | Explicit | 83712 words

Harry shrugged, his shoulders brushing against Louis’. “I think since I was young, I craved that feeling, though. I didn’t always hate being a prince, but over time, certain aspects of it just bothered me so much. I remember being four years old and realizing that every person in the world knew my name, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted that. I told my mum as much and she tried telling me that being a prince is not a punishment. That it was a privilege that I should be happy about it, but no one asked me if I was. But looking up at the sky, I remember that all of this will one day mean nothing, and neither will I. All the pressure will then disappear and I could just be.” Louis stayed quiet, allowing Harry the space to open up because he knew Harry wasn’t looking for advice, but just someone to confide in. What he wished he could tell him was that in the short amount of time that he’d known the prince, in Louis’ eyes, he couldn’t be insignificant if he tried. He was brighter than every star up there in the sky. He was all Louis could look at and think about.

22) Wind Beneath My Wings | Explicit | 93131 words

“You shouldn’t be here,” Harry gritted out, wild-eyed. “You should be scared of me.” Louis opened his mouth to speak, to cut him off, to disagree, but Harry was pushing. “I could hurt you.” “You won’t hurt me,” Louis said, simple and assuredly. Calm. “I’m capable of hurting you.” “But you won’t. That’s not who you are, Harry. I trust you,” Louis whispered. As an omega carer that works at a rescue and rehabilitation centre for feral alphas and omegas, Louis has experienced all sides of ferality. So Harry- a cold, near mute, non-receptive alpha- was a challenging case for everyone at Phoenix Rehab Centre. Louis wasn’t expecting to feel drawn towards an aloof Harry, or to form a slow bond with him. He certainly was not expecting for his entire life to change in unforeseen ways.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.

#bottom louis #top harry #larry #fic recs #blp fic recs #monthly fic recs

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inukag-archive · 6 months

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Inuvember 2023 Part 1

In honor of @inuvember InuKag Day, the Archive Mods have put together a 30 item InuKag recommendation list: one InuKag fic per prompt. Since this list is longer than our usual, we've split it into two parts. Enjoy!

Day 1 Inuyasha

I Hate That Fucking Well by @kstewdeux (M)

Post-manga. Inuyasha POV. Inuyasha's inner thoughts and monologues. Rated M for fucking language

Day 2 Kagome

Cinnamon Hearts by @fandomobsessions016 (M)

"So, you may be wondering, what’s this story about anyway? Well, I’ll tell you. It’s about how this queen, almost lost her crown, her throne, but worst of all… it’s about how this queen almost lost her king…

Hindsight, of course, has perfect vision, but at the time I did not. I was a girl becoming a woman who fought bitterly against change that was inevitable. I didn’t want to open my eyes. I didn’t want to see what was right in front of me.

What I wanted more than anything was to keep Inuyasha.

High school forced my eyes open, tested our “unshakable” bond and made me confront my biggest fear. All because…

I caught feelings for my best friend.

I like-liked my king."

Day 3 Sango

Forever Home by KittyKatz (M)

How long had he roamed the earth in a form that was not his? Beaten, dirty and caged, he finds one last bit of fortune when she comes to rescue him from this place. But his road to redemption will not be easy. And he will find, that no matter how the world has changed, his old enemy remains. And this time, they plan to destroy him once and for all.

Day 4 Miroku

Under the Northern Lights by @lostinfantasyworlds (E)

Kagome Higurashi has her dream job, working as a photographer for the internationally well-known Yugen magazine. Her career whisks her all around the world, leaving her feeling lonely sometimes but mostly just incredibly grateful to be doing what she loves. When she gets assigned to Alaska for a month to photograph a series of celestial events, she runs into Inuyasha, a half-demon who lives on his own in the middle of nowhere. A mutual attraction draws them to each other, but Kagome's time there is limited. Will giving in to their desire lead to love or heartbreak?

Day 5 Shippo

Oh, But You're Good To Me by @witchygirl99 (E)

It’s a terrible photo, really. The action figure takes up the entire bottom of the screen and part of both of their faces. Shippo’s giggling though, eyes shut and crinkled in his mirth while Inuyasha looks at him. His expression is clearly fond. It’s the softest Inuyasha has ever, ever seen himself.

This is fatherhood, he thinks a little wildly.

He sends the photo to Kagome.

Inuyasha is a single father. Shippo is his adopted son. Kagome isn't supposed to be in the picture, but somehow, she returns anyways. A story about family, love, and all of its obstacles.

Day 6 Sesshomaru

Whispers in the Wind by @ruddcatha (G)

It has been 500 years since Kagome jumped back down the well to be with Inuyasha. A messenger waits to see her family, and is joined by a surprising guest.

Day 7 Rin

My Life Before You by @len-barboza (E) -- based on a story by Mizune-mei

No English language summary provided. Inuyasha había vivido la mayoría de su vida huyendo, un huérfano medio demonio considerado por la gente una aberración, rechazado por demonios y por humanos, pero quien pensaría que esa era una mejor vida, al menos un propósito lo movía; sobrevivir, que sucede con un hanyo con una vida longeva, en completa soledad.

Day 8 Kikyou

Stolen Soul by Kimberly-A (T)

COMPLETE Kikyo uses a spell to exchange bodies with Kagome, leaving Kagome stuck in the dead shell and Kikyo comfortably human. In the aftermath, Inu-Yasha faces difficult choices. InuKag, not very Kikyo-friendly.

Day 9 Koga

A New Moon, A New Start by @pinestripes (T)

Kouga visits the village near the Sacred Tree. On this particular evening, he finds that a certain half-demon is more on edge than usual.

Day 10 Kagura

The Portal Between Worlds by @neutronstarship (E)

Ten years ago, a portal transported Inuyasha from the demon realm to the human realm. Now a half-demon alone in a world he doesn't understand, he will do anything to get home. When Onigumo brings him a book with all the answers, Inuyasha pushes aside his misgivings and works with the man. He just wants to get home, after all.

Kagome just wants to make an extra buck (and find demons), much to Kikyo’s chagrin. That is why she published Demons Among Us! after all. But strange things start happening when she puts the book online. As if people are using it to open the portals that it hypothesized… When Kagura and Sango join the fray, the stakes grow higher as they try to find the source of the portals.

When Inuyasha encounters Kagome, fate is not what it seems. Not one, but two realms are in danger for their survival. What happens when the final portal opens and an unknowable terror is unleashed? Can the Demon Hunters save the world?

Day 11 Naraku

You Rescued Me by @keizfanfiction (E)

Maybe it was fate that he decided to take the back way home that night, but whatever the reason, Inuyasha was grateful for arriving just in the nick of time to rescue a waif of a woman who had clearly been through hell. He never would have imagined that she would end up rescuing him, too.

Day 12 Band of Seven

Delicate by @akitokihojo (T)

To trust someone, to let them in, what an unsettling ordeal. Kagome is easy and safe, and Inuyasha is difficult and guarded. She can put him at ease with a smile, simultaneously setting him on edge. It was nothing until it was something, creating absolute chaos and uncertainty within the both of them.

Day 13 Jinenji/ Shiori

How Does Your Garden Grow? by @dawnrider (M)

An Ingary-esque AU: Kagome, the newest generation of caretakers of the Higurashi House, finally starts to feel like her garden and business is thriving with the help of her friend Jinenji. Their routine is thrown off by the arrival of an injured visitor who does not want to be found...

Day 14 Toga

Taisho School of Acting: A Quick Guide by @jeremymarsh (G)

“Excuse me, what?” Kagome looked at her best friend with eyes as big as saucers, lips parted, and her mind replaying what he had said a moment before – trying to find a sense but to no avail. “You heard me.” Inuyasha scowled, looking down, arms crossed and lips pouting, just like he did every time he didn’t like the topic at hand. The problem was he had started it this time. “Yeah, I did.” Kagome shook her head and inhaled deeply before she continued. “And that’s why I’m asking you to repeat yourself since I’m having problems believing that certain sentences left your mouth.” “I said,” Inuyasha started through clenched teeth, still not meeting her gaze, “come to my family Christmas dinner this Sunday.” He stopped, ran a hand through his silver mane, closed his eyes, murmured something unintelligible and then added: “As my girlfriend.”

Where Inuyasha tries to fool his parents and miserably fails.

Day 15 Izayoi

The Silence of Daisies by Fierywenchxo (T)

Inuyasha shares with Kagome one of the biggest secrets he's ever kept. One-shot.

READ PART (2) HERE

#inukag archive #inukag fanfic #inuvember #long post #inuyasha fandom

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darlingillustrations · 3 months

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I feel like I should be panicking more. My rent is due in one week, my landlord isn't friendly, and I have no one to ask for help. And yet? I have an eerie sense of calm about it.

I know the calm that happens when you are not actually calm but panicking and your body is helping you survive. This isn't that kind of fake calm. I am sleeping at night. I'm not snaping at my kids. I am *at peace.*

(Read more for musings about the economy, my spiritual mindset in the midst of it all, and some Mary Oliver poetry.)

Five years ago? I would be panicking and staying up late working long hours and burning myself out. But now? These days I'm working full days, then stepping back and cooking meals or working on projects for my kids. It feels more stable this time. I feel like I've matured.

I got a report in my email yesterday which showed that retail sales in January plunged 0.8% from December, far worse than the consensus forecast for a decline of just 0.2%, and the largest monthly loss since March 2023. On the one hand, it made me feel better that it's not just me. On the other hand, it sucks that lots of other people are struggling, as well.

Still, I make the time to meditate every morning. Still, I pull out my poetry books and take my life advice from Mary Oliver. In the poem One or Two Things she wrote:

One or two things are all you need to travel over the blue pond, over the deep roughage of trees and through the stiff flowers of lightning--some deep memory of pleasure, some cutting knowledge of pain.

You don't need to have all the answers. You just need to put one step in front of the other.

Last year when I launched my wholesale business, I drummed up over 1000 leads. I'd pick a city and use google maps or yelp to search for gift shops, stationary stores, coffee shops... anywhere that I thought might want my work... and I took the time to write a personal note to each and every one of these businesses. This month I decided to check back in with them again, and so many of the businesses are now closed or their email addresses no longer work.

Having exhausted these leads, I sat at my computer yesterday with the knowledge that I needed to wait on people to get back to me, that the wholesale leads were out of my hands. And that I still did not have money to pay my landlord. Not once did I fear I would join the list of closed businesses. I did not despair.

Instead, I turned to my first joy. I went back to the sales history on my website and found my very first customers from back in 2016 when I launched my web shop. I emailed them, each of those first customers, sending personal emails. I did not ask them to buy anything. That wasn't what I needed. I asked how they were, what they have been up to, where their lives have taken them.

I was searching for that deep memory of pleasure, that cutting knowledge of pain. One or two things is all we need, after all.

And I got one email back.

This woman was the first person to ever buy an art print in my online shop--a honeybee boy painting--and it is still hanging in her stepson's room, nearly 8 years later. She shared pictures of her new baby, and I shared the pictures with my kids. This woman had sent me many emails over the years, asking for life advice or encouraging me on a hard day. She shared that she didn't realize her emails had made such an impact on me.

Funny how none of us truly sees how impactful we are to those around us. Funny how life keeps going on, whether we worry about it or not.

In One or Two Things, Mary Oliver also wrote:

For years and years I struggled just to love my life. And then the butterfly rose, weightless, in the wind. "Don't love your life too much," it said, and vanished into the world.

I want my character to be defined not by what I do when things are easy but by how I carry myself when things are hard. And I do believe things happen for a reason. Maybe the line between delusion and faith is very thin, but the universe has shown me time and again that it's had my back. I've been in worse scrapes and still came out ok.

If you've read this far and you want to help me get through the next week, you can buy something from my shop or support me on Patreon.

And if you've read this far but you are in a similar boat, don't fret. We will find our way through the fires. one. step. at. a. time.

#mary oliver #capitalism #queer artist #support queer artists #patreon artist #darling illustrations #erin speaks

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angel-therandomthing · 10 days

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Full trailer breakdown for helluva boss season 2 (part 1)

1) at the start of the trailer we see a group of hooded figures that say “come out we have got you surrounded” probably, knowing blitzø, gotten into deep shit with a cult of some sort and blitzø probably owes them money

2) in the next frame we see the gang in there van with moxie and blitzø talking

Moxie: we’re are we going

Blitzø: anywhere but here, get ready for a life on the run gang

*blitzø crashes the van into a pole*

Moxie: I fucking hate you so much blitzø

First get the obvious stuff out of the way. They are on the run from what I think would be the cult from the start of the trailer indicating that they are most probably FUCKED. And judging from the fact that full moon (the next episode we are going to get) seems to be about stolas and blitzø relationships I will except that this episode will be apology tour (coming in June) and I also expect this because as you will see in a bit I am pretty sure that I got each episode correct for what parts are in it. But my favourite part of this is that moxie calls blitzø instead of sir and we don’t know why yet so it would make sense that Thai isn’t that first episode to be released but the second.

3) moxie talks about Business being at a peak and that it would be disastrous to lose what they worked for now. Which is making me think that blitzø is going to do something stupid sending back profit. Knowing that I recon that that is a scene from the last episode sinmas (coming out in December to go with the Christmas spirit)

4) in this part we see blitzø and moxie standing in front of a smashed car that looks to be there’s. We can also see different spray paint on the car that could indicate that they will get a new van (if them crashing the van at the start wasn’t a good indicator) we can also see blitzø in a ghostbusters looking back pack with a vibrator in hand( why I don’t know). Behind all that we can see witherd trees probably apart of a new ring. And giving that the rings are based off the seven deadly sins I would guess it is sloth or envy (giving that we have been to wrath, pride, greed and lust).

5) we can see fizz holding a giant blurred out thing (knowing him a sex toy) with blitzø win a bow tie in the corner. The background consists of what is Ozzie’s home , also we’re fizz lives. And giving blitzøs unusual attire I will guess that this is the sinmass.

6) this one is more of a small one. We can se stolas sitting on his bed looking all depressed. Now all I can take out of this is that this has something to do with the full moon episode (OUT NEXT MONTH. Going to do a break down and a couple of theory’s on that when it releases) BUT WHAT DID BLITZØ DO TO MY STOLAS!?

7) we can see moxie jumping over a bunch of rocks away from a explosion. From what I can see without any dialog to back me up here is this connected to a scene later on and that moxie is in the list ring. I recon it is most likely sinmas because as we saw earlier blitzø was with fizz in the lust ring.

8) I am not really going to count this since it’s just them jumping out of a portal using stolas book so this would be at that beginning of full moon before stolas gives blitzø the sucubass crystal( if you missed that watch season 2 episode 5 and the look my way music video)

9) now we see the stupid fucking cherubs come back. But this time they have been caught by the freaks from the D.O.R.K.S. Having a conversation

Unnamed male dork from season 1: so why would a bunch of angels be looking for demons

Cherub: we lay and wait for them to return to earth so we might smite them once and for all

Agent who: we would need someone with more experience

With this I’m guessing that the Dorks and cherubs are going to team up

10) we now see blitzø using a sucubass crystal to teleport to the mortal world (the one stolas got in look my way so this would be after full moon) giving the dorks finger guns and winking that them probably to tawnt them. But what is interesting is the background behind blitzø being all red which is going to then be in imp city but not in there office signaling that they could be in the run. From all this I recon this one and the next two and previous one are all from the same episode being, drum roll please 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁, master mind (airing in November which is sad because it is the most interesting looking one

Atlas I can only use 10 photos so I will post this now and work on part 2

#helluva boss #season 2 #stolitz #stolas #blitzø #helluva millie #moxie helluva boss #spoilers #i spent way too much time on this #i’m going insane #i want to kms #i am fucking crying #stolas is kinda hot.#fan theory

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nicoline1998enilocin · 7 months

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Flufftober '23 | Masterlist

Hi! Welcome to the Masterlist of my participation in Flufftober 2023, hosted by @flufftober! 🖤

On this Masterlist you'll find the prompts I've filled along the way, which will combine angst, fluff, and smut. Each one shot will have their own appropriate warnings when necessary. All stories will be 'x Fem!Reader' unless specified otherwise.

If you want to check out all my other works, you can find them on my Main Masterlist. For now I hope you will have fun with all the fanfics I'm creating during my first time participating in Flufftober! 🧡

I chose not to work with a tag list. If you want to be updated when I post new fanfics, you can follow @nicoline1998enilocin-library 🖤

Divider made by @cafekitsune | Header & 18+ banner made by yours truly

I want to thank @ccbsrmsf1 because I could not have finished this challenge without your amazing help! From providing the most amazing and drool-worthy GIFs to coming up with the sweetest ideas and the best titles, you have helped me more than I can ever show you. I love you so much, and again, I can not thank you enough for all the work you did for my Flufftober Challenge! ❤️

🥀 = Angst | 🧡 = Fluff | 🔥 = Smut

Day 1 | It'll be okay | 🥀 🧡 | Chris Evans Prompt: ''I've got you'' After nearly a decade of being together, you're going through an intense breakup, so you're at a loss about what to do with yourself. Luckily for you, your best friend Chris knows exactly what to do to make you feel better, and you're very thankful to have him in your life.

Day 2 | I do! Again! | 🧡 🔥 | Robert Downey Jr. Prompt: Family, friends, loved ones Your 10th wedding anniversary with Robert is coming up, and he is planning a special vacation for you and your little family, though it'll have a twist you will know about once you arrive. He ensures every last detail is perfect, and it will become a vacation you'll never forget.

Day 3 | Together, forever | 🥀 🧡 🔥 | Iron Man!Tony Stark Prompt: ''Wait, you love me?'' - ''I've always loved you'' You and Tony have been head over heels in love with one another for as long as you can remember. It isn't until someone is injured and nearly loses their life that your feelings come out, and both of you wish you would have shared your feelings sooner, especially after seeing how fragile human life is.

Day 4 | Perfect coincidence | 🧡 | Bucky Barnes Prompt: Have your characters share the last table at a café You find yourself in a rainstorm and seek refuge in a warm-looking coffee shop. When there's only one table left, you share it with a handsome stranger who introduces himself as Bucky Barnes and his fluffy white cat, Alpine. What started as one of the worst days quickly became one of the best.

Day 7 | Swinging together | 🧡 | Tony Stark Prompt: Porch swing You have always dreamt of having a porch swing on your porch, and now that you and Tony are moving into your new house, this is the perfect opportunity. He will do anything to build it before your baby boy arrives and complete your little family.

Day 8 | Dancing in the rain | 🧡 | Loki Laufeyson Prompt: Rainy day Both you and Loki decide to make the best of a rainy day. He starts the day with breakfast in bed, and you decide to bake him a pumpkin pie in the afternoon. When you suddenly want to dance in the rain with him, something shifts between you, and you can't keep your hands off one another.

Day 10 |Mile High Club | 🧡 🔥 | Iron Man!Tony Stark Prompt: Love of my life You and Tony have been in a secret relationship for the past seven months, and you're being sent on the first mission for just the two of you since you've become an Avenger. Seeing how the two of you will have nothing but time during the long flight to the other side of the world, he wants nothing more than to make you a part of the Mile High Club.

Day 11 | Chocolate lovers | 🥀 🧡 🔥 | Young!Tony Stark Prompt: Sweet tooth + Hot chocolate Your daughter, Orion, has been wanting hot chocolate as a treat for a while now, and you and Tony are finally giving her just that. Though Tony's sweet tooth craves something much sweeter, he can't help but make it even more delicious by adding some sweet chocolate syrup.

Day 12 | Spin The Bottle | 🧡 🔥 | Robert Downey Jr. Prompt: ''Oh no, you're a morning person!'' Robert has been your best friend for a few years, and the sexual tension between both of you has only grown stronger. When, after an innocent game of Spin The Bottle, the small, flickering fire officially bursts out into a sea of flames, you experience the most satisfying, gentle, and perfect first time together you could have wished for.

Day 14 | My favorite piece of art | 🧡 | Bucky Barnes Prompt: ''I hate it'' - ''No you don't'' You've been trying to get Bucky to model for you for the longest time. When he finally agrees, you decide to go all out and make a beautiful painting of him to highlight everything you love about him. When he sees the end result, he can't help but joke about it, but deep inside, he's very moved and touched that you did this for him.

Day 16 | Lullaby | 🧡 | Andy Barber Prompt: Singing one another to sleep After a long, stressful day at work, there's nothing you enjoy more than sitting next to your husband, Andy, when he's playing the piano and singing to you. These moments work like a charm to get you to fall asleep, and you two lovingly call them your own lullaby.

Day 17 | A new start | 🧡 | Ari Levinson Prompt: Encouraging s.o. to reach a goal You've always dreamt of turning your career around, starting in a new field. When you mention this idea to your husband, Ari, he is very supportive in the best way he knows how to be.

Day 19 | We'll always protect you | 🥀 🧡 | Steve Rogers Prompt: Keeping someone safe Steve's dream has always been to become a Dad, and suddenly, that opportunity seems closer than he could ever have envisioned. When a little girl is abandoned in front of the Avengers Compound, he can't help but take an immediate liking to her, and he feels the urge to keep her safe no matter what.

Day 20 | Spooky celebration | 🧡 | Sebastian Stan Prompt: Pumpkin You moved to the U.S. not too long ago, and this year will be your first Halloween celebration there. When your friend Sebastian finds out you’ve never celebrated it, he's taking out all the stops to make your first Halloween a spooky celebration to never forget.

Day 22 | Apple picking | 🧡 | Young!Tony Stark Prompt: Picking You've grown up with the tradition of going apple picking each fall, and now that you and Tony have your own little family, you want to keep this tradition going. As you, Tony, Orion, and Hudson go to a local apple farm during an apple-picking event, you're soaking up every second and enjoying every moment.

Day 23 | A beautiful collection | 🧡 🔥 | Ari Levinson Prompt: Trinket Whenever you and Ari visit a new place together during a vacation, you two search for the silliest magnets to add to your ever-growing collection. Usually, you're the one who brings them home, but this time, Ari has found a rather special one that you want to keep forever.

Day 25 | Reading nook | 🧡 | Steve Rogers Prompt: Nook You recently moved into a new house that'll accommodate you and your growing family, but your one wish in the new house has yet to come true. You've wanted a reading nook for a long time, and when you're away on business, Steve decided to surprise you by making the reading nook of your dreams.

Day 26 | Love by the fire | 🧡 | Iron Man!Tony Stark Prompt: Fireplace Tony has taken you for a weekend away to a small cabin in the woods where it'll just be the two of you, and no one around for miles to interrupt. The weather outside is cold, but the atmosphere inside the cabin is almost reaching it's boiling point as you two can't keep your hands off each other.

Day 29 | I'll always be by your side | 🥀 🧡 | Iron Man!Tony Stark Prompt: ''Hey! Wake up!'' What was supposed to be a comfortable, easy Sunday turned into one of the worst as you're caught off guard by your period and in horrible pain. Luckily, your boyfriend, Tony, is by your side to make you feel better and spoil you absolutely rotten.

Day 31 | Spiked candy | 🧡 | Iron Man!Tony Stark Prompt: Dreams do come true You've had a crush on Tony for as long as you can remember, but you didn't know he also has one on you. During his annual Halloween party, he makes a move using a project he's been working on for a long time, and they have precisely the desired effect because you couldn't be happier the morning after. Your dream of being his might finally come true after all.

#flufftober #flufftober 2023 #masterlist

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avacoleman · 3 months

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when the lights go out || a firstprince fic

summary: Henry Fox’s career is in crisis and his dating life isn’t faring much better either. After a chance encounter with a charming man becomes memorable for all the wrong reasons, Henry throws himself into his next assignment: writing the memoir of a beloved C-list actor. Henry, however, knows Alex best for the role he played as his random, awkward one-night stand. Henry enters their professional partnership keen on keeping their relationship just that. But after Henry confesses that their hookup was less than spectacular, Alex concots an arrangement that Henry is unable to resist. In addition to ghostwriting Alex’s life story, Henry will teach him a thing or two about satisfying a man. As they spend months out on the road together, they must decide if the connection between them is yet another story worth telling.

chapter 4/8 || rated e || read on ao3 *updates every tues. and fri. *

Denver, CO Rocky Mountain Expo Henry thanks the powers that be for allowing Pez to crash the tour for the next two days. And by that, he means he cannot thank Alex enough for arranging for Pez to join them at Rocky Mountain Expo in Denver. He figures it might’ve been him mentioning one too many times how much of a Crescent Valley fan Pez was that Alex perhaps took pity and worked some magic behind the scenes to get him to fly out. Whatever it is, Henry is immensely grateful. He hadn’t realized just how much he missed Pez’s presence. Certainly they’d kept up well with FaceTimes and texts over the last few weeks, but there’s nothing quite like genuine face to face connection with a person– especially when that someone is none other than Percy Okonjo. At his side now, Henry watches Pez drink it all in. The convention center, like every other stop so far, is brimming with people from all sorts of fandoms. It’s chaotic and exciting, all baselines for a guy like Pez. Alex had left from their hotel earlier than Henry so that he could attend the scheduled fan breakfast and Henry could be available to get Pez sorted. It’s such a small thing, but it was almost as strange being apart from Alex this morning as it has been to be away from Pez these past couple of weeks. Henry hadn't realized just how dependent he’d grown on Alex’s company.

Henry’s phone buzzes in his pocket as he and Pez visit different vendors in Artist Alley where creatives sell their custom made pieces. He takes a look at the screen and sees a text from Alex.

Alex everything going well with you and pez?

Henry smiles and notes the time. There’s still thirty minutes before Alex’s panel and having the experience firsthand, he can just imagine Alex behind the scenes, keeping busy to work out his excited energy.

Henry Indeed. Would it be alright if I brought him round to meet you now? Or would after be better?

Alex now pls!

“We’re being summoned,” Henry says, pocketing his phone again.

Pez doesn’t need any more prompting and Henry leads them through the crowds to get to the hall Alex’s panel is being held. He’s surprised but pleased to find Alex already waiting for them by a private set of doors. Henry’s heart does a funny little swoop seeing Alex standing there, greeting them with a smile.

“Alex. I wanted you to meet Pez.”

Alex beams his thousand-watt smile at Pez.

“I feel like I already know you. Henry talks about you all the time. Nothing but good things, I promise,” he says.

Pez looks more and more like the Cheshire Cat as his smile overtakes his face.

“Alex Claremont-Diaz, as I live and breathe,” Pez says in a scarily good Southern debutante accent.

“You’ll have to forgive Pez. He has consumed far too much American media from the time he was a small, impressionable child. I fear the damage cannot be undone.”

Alex laughs. “It’s paid off pretty well. That sounded authentic as hell. You could give me a run for my money.”

Pez, unshakable formidable Pez, actually giggles at the compliment.

“You’re a charmer. Go on now. Keep saying more nice things. I won’t object.”

Henry watches them go, riffing off each other as if they’ve known each other forever. It feels like Henry has entered into an alternate universe of some kind, watching his worlds collide.

“I’m sure you guys must’ve made plans, but if you’re interested, I’d love to take y’all out for dinner tonight,” Alex says.

Pez’s eyes light up. “I’m sure we could shuffle a few things around,” he says, looking at Henry for confirmation. He nods and Pez smiles.

“We’d be delighted. Dinner sounds positively lovely. Thank you,” Pez continues.

Henry turns to Alex. “We could all meet back in the hotel lobby at quarter to 7 perhaps?”

Alex nods. “Yeah, that’d be great. Things should be pretty hectic at the expo today. I’ll look into making reservations nearby afterwards."

Voices carry a bit louder from inside the hall.

"I should probably get back," Alex says. "But have fun you guys and enjoy the panel. Pez, it was really nice meeting you. I will absolutely be expecting a truckload of embarrassing stories and any overall dirt you might have on Henry, so start brainstorming now,” he says with a wink.

Henry already rues turning them into co-conspirators.

Pez smiles and wiggles his fingers at Alex before he leaves them to head to the greenroom. The moment Alex rounds the corner, Pez does an unseemly victory dance right there in the corridor.

“How can you possibly stand being around him all day every day without wanting to jump his bones? He’s even more attractive in person. That’s just unnatural. Dare I say, it’s supernatural.”

Henry touches his hand to his forehead.

“Come on. Let’s go grab our seats. They’ll be starting shortly.”

~*~*~

The secret of his true dynamic with Alex haunts Henry like a tell-tale heart. Each time Pez mentioned Alex’s name after the panel and now back here in their hotel room, Henry feels as if he could choke on the secret.

“I’ve hit rock bottom,” he says, apropos of nothing as he and Pez watch an episode of Crescent Valley on his laptop in bed.

“Welcome! There’s plenty of room down here,” Pez says, yanking Henry to rest his head in his lap. “Come now, tell Auntie Pezza what ails you, my darling.”

Henry sighs and hits the spacebar, freezing the show. It’s a small mercy that it isn’t a scene with Alex. He’s not so sure he’d be able to get through this conversation with Alex’s face right there in front of them.

“I think I’ve made a mistake.”

Pez’s fingers scratch lightly against Henry’s scalp.

“My dear Henry, you’re a writer. I need you to put your fancy degree to good use and elaborate for me, love.”

Henry looks away, unable to maintain eye contact for what he’s about to say.

“Part of me is falling for someone that I shouldn’t. Maybe ‘falling for’ is a bit too much. I need more time to parse it, but I feel…different sometimes.”

Pez’s hand stops combing through his hair.

“Hang on now. You haven’t met anyone new recently that I know of. I mean, there’s that secret midnight hookup back in New York and of course, scrumptious Alex. The latter would be bonkers, but it can’t be the former. You never got his info.”

Henry bites back on his lower lip. Pez is so close to the mark.

“That’s not exactly true. I sort of…ran into him the next day.”

“Have you any Advil here? I swear you’re giving me a headache talking in riddles like this. You had lunch with Alex the next day and then came straight home, no?”

Pez’s eyes grow wide, realization sinking in. Henry sits up and not a moment too soon as Pez’s hands fly to his mouth and he muffles a scream.

“No! Oh, my god, wait. No. There’s just no way! You don’t mean to say…Alex is Javier?”

Henry looks down at his hands, suddenly very fascinated with them.

“Well, now, that just shattered all my illusions. Pity he wasn’t good in bed. As fit as he is…hmm.”

“He wasn’t good that first night, no. But since then…”

“Since then! ” Pez shrieks, completely scandalized. “Grab the smelling salts! Get me a lounge chair! I’m going to pass out, I swear it. This is simply too much for me to take,” he says, putting a hand over his heart.

Pez shakes his head almost cartoonishly.

“Do you mean to tell me you two have been shagging this whole time?”

“Not the whole time,” Henry says reflexively. “Look, Pez, you cannot say a word to anyone, do you understand?”

Pez’s face grows serious, all his theatrics subsiding at the drop of a hat.

“I give you my word. You know that. I wouldn’t tell a soul.”

Henry nods. “No, I know. I’m sorry,” he says, rubbing anxiously at his temple. “I’m just…there’s so much riding on this, you know? The book, my contract. Most importantly though, he’s only out to his friends and family right now. This isn’t even my secret to tell. But, heavens, Pez, I feel like I’ve been dying keeping this in. Things are so good with us. I’ve been loving being on this tour.”

“Well, I should think so,” Pez says, smirking a little. “If I were spending my nights tangled in the sheets with none other than Alex Claremont-Diaz, I’d be having the time of my already fabulous life too.”

Henry shoves him gently.

“You’re horrible, but I’ll admit, that’s been an added bonus. But honestly? I simply like being around him. He’s clever and funny and smart and infuriating in the best ways at times…I don’t know. It’s been fun getting to know him.”

Pez’s brows furrow a bit.

“Are you sure you can handle this, Hazza? It actually does sound an awful lot like you’re falling pretty hard here. I assume you two have struck up a deal of some sort with guidelines?”

“It’s just casual. Platonic even. I’m merely giving him pointers in the bedroom and by the time I leave from the tour, that’ll be the end of that. We’ll both move on from this,” Henry says.

Pez doesn’t look entirely convinced.

“I don’t think you can put a hard deadline on feelings. No offense, but casual has never quite been your factory setting.”

Henry shakes his head. “It’s fine. This is so unlike me. I’m only being silly now, getting swept up in the secrecy of it all.”

Pez grins. “That I can understand. This is terribly salacious. I’m eating it up with a bib and a spoon.”

Pez hums and taps his chin. “Now, let’s back it up just a taste for one moment, honey. When you say he’s improved since New York…”

Henry buries his face in his hands and groans.

“Oh, come on! You’ve got to give me something here,” Pez insists. “You’ve been sitting on an absolute treasure trove of a secret for weeks now!”

Henry looks up and takes a deep breath.

“He…takes instructions very well. He’s a rather quick and adept learner. An enthusiastic one at that.”

Pez’s smile grows even wider which Henry didn’t think was humanly possible.

“I’d absolutely hate you if I didn’t love you so much. I’m dying. Good on you though.”

Henry laughs at the absurdity of Pez’s praise.

“Anyway, I needed to tell someone before I popped, so thank you for indulging me.”

“No, no. Thank you, my dear, for this cup of delicious, piping hot tea. I’m all the more excited for dinner now, to get to know the kitten who has gotten my best friend so smitten.”

~*~*~

After an incredible dinner at one of the trendiest restaurants Henry has ever been to, Pez insists they keep the night going with drinks downtown. It’s truly a marvel to see how easily his best friend is able to be at home anywhere, even a place he’s only now visiting for the first time.

From the moment they entered the club, Pez took his place on the dancefloor like a king holding court among his subjects. He dances with perfectly good strangers, cozying up to a few of them. Henry is already wondering if he’ll have to arrange to sleep elsewhere tonight.

He shakes his head to himself as he reaches for his drink where he and Alex sit in a corner booth, away from the crowd but with a perfect view to see it all.

“You told Pez about us,” Alex says out of the blue, a statement not a question.

Henry bites nervously on his bottom lip, stunned. He thinks back to dinner. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. He actually thought Pez did a good job of hiding the fact that he was in on the secret. Yet still, Alex clearly picked up on something.

“I did. I’m sorry. I promise, he wouldn’t tell anyone. Subtly may not be his strong suit,” he says, glancing over Pez with his bubblegum pink hair and flashy sequined jacket, an all-out blur on the dancefloor, “but discretion is. He knows you aren’t out. He’d never in a million years breathe a word of any of this.”

Alex nods and smiles. “If you trust him, so do I. Honestly, I’m not worried. In all fairness, I told my sister and Nora.”

Henry can’t even begin to absorb that information or the possible implications of it. It’s just enough to know that this dynamic between them felt worthwhile enough for Alex to tell the two closest people to him.

“And do they think us mad for this?”

“Actually, no. They damn near threw me a party,” Alex says, reaching for his beer and laughing to himself. “Your fan club increased by two automatically.”

Henry lifts a brow. “Am I to assume you’re a member too?”

“Sweetheart, I’m the president. The founding member.”

Henry smiles demurely and shakes his head.

“Once again, I must say, you do wonders for my self-esteem. Thank you.”

Alex eyes him curiously.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” Henry says. “What’s on your mind?”

“How the fuck are you single? Not that I’m actually complaining because, selfishly, there’s no way in hell we’d be able to do any of the things we’ve been doing since New York. I’m counting my lucky stars and all that jazz, but still. It’s absolutely crazy to me that you aren’t seeing anyone. I’m sure that’s a conscious choice on your part. It’s got to be. A guy like you wouldn’t have any issues finding a boyfriend if you wanted one.”

Henry rubs the back of his neck.

“I don’t know what it is. Perhaps I’m too closed off.”

“Bullshit. The night we met, you opened up to me. You were so easy to talk to. I felt like I’d always known you.”

This brings Henry up short. He’d felt that same connection with Alex too, but to hear the man echo the sentiment almost identically to how he’d thought about it is slightly disorienting.

“I think we’ve established that night was a special case. It was different with you. I was different with you than I normally am with literally every other guy I’ve pursued. I don’t know why. I just felt comfortable so it was easy, for the first time in God only knows how long to open up. It was a fluke.”

“Or fate,” Alex says. His eyes widen and he blinks twice quickly. “I’m like…I’m not trying to say we’re soulmates or anything,” he stammers. “I just mean, I don’t know. It’s rare for me too to click with someone like that. I think there’s something to be said for two people like us just happening across each other then crossing paths again the very next day. What are the odds of that?”

Henry is quiet as he mulls over Alex’s words.

“I don’t mean to freak you out. Shit, just forget I said anything.”

Henry shakes his head.

“You didn't. I think you might actually have a point and I don’t know what to make of it.”

He searches Alex's eyes then looks away, back down to his laptop.

“Anyway, to answer your question, I suppose I’m single because it simply isn’t my time right now. I’ve never truly been lucky in that department. Our night aside, I really do have a tendency to guard myself.”

“Why?” Alex asks. “There’s so much good in there. I could see it on day one. That’s what drew me to you in the first place.”

“So it wasn’t just my dashing good looks and accent?”

Alex cocks his head to the side and gives him a look.

“I’m serious. I’ve been seeing it ever since. You’re depriving people, Henry. Most of all, yourself and I think that’s the worst part in all of this. It’d be a shame to never share that.”

Henry’s brows furrow. In a way, hadn’t he been letting Alex in this whole time? Henry realizes belatedly that maybe it didn’t count. After all, none of this was actually real.

If only his heart knew that.

“Shall I get us another round?” he says, rising from his seat, suddenly needing to be away from this suffocating booth.

Alex runs a hand through his hair.

“Fuck. Henry, wait. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You didn’t,” Henry says, perhaps too quickly. He tries again, setting his hand down on the table.

“We’re good. I just…I need a moment is all. Besides, I should probably get Pez a large glass of water before he passes out.”

Alex’s knuckles touch the back of his hand. It’s so subtle and faint, any passerby wouldn’t even notice. But that small point of contact becomes the sole focus of Henry’s entire world.

“You’re sure we’re okay?” Alex asks again.

Henry stares back at him.

“Always.”

~*~*~

Columbus, OH GalaxyCon Day 1

Another week, another time zone and Henry is convinced tour life might actually be the death of him.

When they arrived in Ohio yesterday evening, Henry had felt a bit off. He ignored the feeling, not wanting anything to put a damper on the upcoming con and Alex’s excitement over it. He’d be joined again by his castmates and was looking forward to the big dinner they had planned before they were all parting ways again.

Henry liked how pumped Alex got ahead of and during cons, the way he’d light up at the prospect of seeing familiar faces in the crowds and new ones alike. Since the announcement, Henry has noticed the uptick in fervor from both Alex and fans. The last thing Henry wants to do is give Alex any cause for concern or worry.

He gets through most of the morning at GalaxyCon pretty well until close to noon when Alex’s panel is set to start.

“You okay?” Alex asks. “You look a little pale.”

“Yeah, I think all this traveling is catching up to me.”

Alex puts the back of his hand on Henry’s forehead.

“You feel warm, Henry. You must be coming down with something.”

Henry can hear the worry in Alex's voice.

“I’m fine.”

“I can literally see and feel that you aren’t.”

Henry can hear fans being let into the hall. Maybe all he needs now is just some time away to sit alone with some peace and quiet.

“If it’s alright with you, I’m going to pop back to the hotel and get some rest.”

Alex’s lips and brows are pinched with concern.

“Of course it’s okay. Do you need anything?”

Henry shakes his head. “Don’t worry about me. You have your panel to focus on. I’ll be fine.”

Alex doesn’t look convinced and Henry can see the debate he’s having with himself.

He touches Alex’s arm lightly. “I’ll check in with you later. Go have fun out there with your friends.”

Almost on cue, the rest of the cast starts to line up behind the stage. Henry watches them go past but Alex doesn’t budge.

“Go, Alex. I’ll be fine.”

Alex sighs and nods, finally accepting defeat.

“The second we’re done here though, I’m calling you.”

“Fair enough,” Henry says. “I’ll be as good as new by the time you do. You’ll see.”

~*~*~

There’s an annoying pounding sound that makes Henry’s already aching head feel worse as he opens his eyes.

“Henry, let me in,” he hears faintly.

Henry groans and rolls over in bed, instantly regretting the move. His vision feels like a dizzying kaleidoscope. He shuts his eyes again and takes a breath before looking around his room.

He doesn’t know how long he’s been knocked out, but the sun is no longer in the sky and that’s telling enough.

“Henry?” the voice calls again. There are three more quick knocks on the door. “You’re freaking me out. Open up.”

Alex.

Henry sways as he gets to his feet. It takes a moment for the room to stop feeling like it’s spinning before he walks over to the door and opens it.

On the other side, he’s met with an anxious looking Alex who takes a deep breath of relief.

“Thank God. I was about to get hotel security.”

“I’m fine,” Henry says.

Alex’s face is incredulous. “You look like shit which I never thought was possible. No offense,” he tacks on. “Shaan has been calling you. I’ve been calling you. I thought you’d passed out though, by the looks of things, I’m guessing that’s exactly what happened. You’re sick.”

Henry rubs at his left temple.

“I need…to sit. You…can keep talking if you want,” he says, stepping away from the door and back into the room.

Behind him, Alex scoffs and presumably comes inside. Henry hears the door close, but it feels like it’d take too much effort to turn around and confirm.

He sits on the edge of bed and wraps the covers around himself like a cocoon.

“I wanted to ask you some more stuff for the book. I just need thirty minutes more. You can go. I’ll set an alarm,” he says, fumbling around the nightstand for his phone but he soon abandons the task when he forgets what he’s searching for a moment later.

“Forget the book. Do you know what day it is?” Alex asks as he approaches his bedside.

“It’s Friday,” Henry mumbles, the comforter falling from his shoulders.

“Okay, yeah, technically. But it’s also Opposite Day. So, I will be doing the polar opposite of everything you suggest.”

“Alex. How is that— in any way, shape, or form—different from any other day of the week for you?”

Alex grins, his nose scrunching as he does so.

“You may have lost the ability to breathe through your nose, but it’s nice to know your sass is still firmly in place.”

A wave of nausea hits Henry just then, holding him back from making another quick retort. The discomfort he feels must register on his face as Alex’s smile disappears and concern quickly takes its place instead.

“Come on, seriously, lay down. Please let me take care of you.”

Henry’s tired body responds at once as if it’d been waiting for the command to allow him to finally give in. He settles in on his side and Alex is right there, pulling the comforter over him.

Henry’s surprised as Alex crouches beside the bed, their faces on level as he brushes damp strands from Henry’s forehead. His fingertips are soft against Henry’s skin where they lightly graze him. Alex’s eyes track the movement of his own hand, but Henry can’t look away from the other man's face, taking stock of the way his lashes cast shadows on his cheekbones and his perfect mouth parts slightly.

“I’ll be right back,” Alex says softly. “I’m going to find the nearest pharmacy and grab a few things for you.”

“I just need to sleep it off.”

Alex scoffs. “Christ, and I thought I was stubborn. I might’ve finally found my match.”

Those words shouldn’t have the power to make Henry’s heart leap. He chalks it up to his sickness for the temporary delusion that Alex could mean anything more. They aren’t a match, even if they’ve been proving to be compatible in virtually every regard. He’s simply not the kind of person Alex actually settles down with.

It’s far too much to think about now; perhaps even when he isn’t feeling like Death warmed over wouldn’t be the best time to attempt dissecting all his complicated feelings.

“You’re the hottest nurse I’ve ever had.”

Alex winks. “If only I’d had time to get a uniform. You’ll just have to use your imagination, sweetheart.”

“A literal interpretation of a fever dream, huh?”

Alex smiles and strokes Henry’s hair again.

“Speaking of dreams, get some sleep while I’m gone.” Henry watches Alex snag his keycard from the nightstand. “I’ll let myself in when I get back. Call if anything changes while I’m out, okay?”

Henry nods, but already his brain is starting to shut down, his eyes too.

He feels a gentle hand against his cheek and what he thinks could be lips on the crown of his head for a brief moment before sleep overtakes him.

~*~*~

When he opens his eyes again, Alex’s back is to him as he sits at the front of the bed. An episode of The Golden Girls is playing on the television and Henry thinks, surely, this fever is playing tricks on his mind.

He sits up slowly and Alex turns at once just as the show breaks for advertisements.

Alex smiles and gets to his feet, going over to the table in the room. Henry sees two tote bags there that Alex begins to unload. The haul is serious, complete with cough medicine, throat lozenges, vapor rub, and even soup and orange juice.

It warms Henry’s heart to see the care that’s gone into this, but he can’t imagine this is how anyone would want to spend a Friday night.

“You’re sweet for this, Alex, thank you,” he says, sniffling a little. He clears his throat.

“You’re going to get sick if you hang around much longer though. You should probably go. I can take it from here. Honest.”

“Do I make for such poor company that you’re giving me the boot already? I’m borderline offended.”

Henry lets out a breath, the closest thing he can muster to a laugh, and gets into bed again, pulling the covers over himself.

“Of course not. I’d just feel even worse if you caught this because of me.”

Alex brings the container of soup over and sets it on the nightstand.

“I’m from Texas. We’re built strong. And besides, I always prepare for the con circuit. At this point I’ve probably got more Airborne than blood running through my veins. I’m good and I’m staying now shh, commercials are over.”

Henry shakes his head to himself as Alex focuses back on the screen and sits beside him now on top of the covers. Henry studies his profile, the sharp angles on a still soft face.

“You must be starving by now and if you aren’t, that’s all the more reason to eat. Here, try a bit of the soup.”

Alex leans over him and grabs the circular plastic container and takes the lid off. Vapors rise from it and it hits Henry then just how hungry he really is. Alex dips a spoon inside and brings it to his lips.

“I can feed myself. I’m not a baby,” Henry protests.

“No, but you’re acting like one. Now shut up and let me take care of you, dammit,” Alex grumbles.

“Your bedside manor could use a bit more work,” Henry says, but he obliges, leaning forward and taking a sip.

Alex’s eyes look anxious as he watches him.

“Is it good? I went with chicken noodle, a tried and true classic. But if you want something else, I could always—”

“It’s perfect, thank you. You’ve done more than enough, Alex. Seriously.”

He lets Alex coddle him and finishes the soup before taking some cold medicine and orange juice. They watch more TV though Henry doesn’t really pay attention to anything on the screen. His body feels drained again and he's glad Alex had been stubborn and insisted on staying. It’d be an even more miserable scene if he were alone.

He tucks in on Alex’s side and rests his head against his chest.

“I’m really glad you're here,” Henry says after a moment. He listens to the steady drumming of Alex’s heart as the man cards his fingers through Henry’s hair, his dull nails gently scratching against his scalp. It’s enough to lull Henry; he feels himself quickly losing the battle to fatigue all over again.

“There’s no place else I’d rather be. Get some more rest, sweetheart,” he hears Alex’s voice say quietly as he begins to drift. The final word hit Henry’s ear a bit differently. It’s not as if Alex has never said it to him before, but this time, it sounded sincerely affectionate. Romantic even.

His exhaustion and delirium must be at an all-time high and working together to make him conjure up the term of endearment Alex has never uttered in that particular tone before.

~*~*~

Columbus, OH

Day 2

“You missed the cast dinner,” Henry says almost accusatorily, setting his plate of breakfast and mug of tea down on Alex’s table the next morning in the hotel's dining hall.

“Hi, sunshine. Good morning to you too. Slept well then?” Alex replies, popping a grape into his mouth.

Henry frowns as he takes a seat.

“Alex, I’m serious. I just realized you were supposed to meet up with everyone last night.”

Alex shrugs and plucks another grape from the bunch on his plate.

“And yet the world is still spinning. The sun is still shining. It’s not a big deal. I see them all the time and you needed me more. It wasn’t a hard choice to make.”

Henry feels his face warm slightly at the sentiment.

“You didn’t have to sacrifice your night for me.”

“It wasn’t a sacrifice. I wanted to be there for you. It’s as simple as that.”

Henry pulls out a chair and sits.

“Well, thank you. I appreciated it.”

Alex smiles. “You look good today. I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“Me too. Considering the fact that you bought up half the pharmacy, my immune system didn’t have a choice but to get itself in order. How much do I owe you?”

“And here I was thinking we finally moved past this. I’m not accepting any form of payment or payback for last night,” Alex says, spreading cream cheese on a bagel.

Henry smiles to himself.

“You’re infuriatingly stubborn.”

“I might’ve been told that once or twice before, yes.”

Henry laughs and decides he’s better off shifting gears.

“What would you like to do today? Are any of your castmates still in town?”

Alex shakes his head.

“Nah, not for long. They had early morning flights and should be at the airport by now if they aren’t already in the skies.”

Henry bites his tongue to avoid apologizing again.

“Perhaps we could hang out then? Maybe we could get lunch or do something fun before we kiss this city goodbye too.”

Alex grabs his phone and types something into it.

“Have you ever done mini-golf before?”

Henry laughs.

“No, I can’t say that I have.”

“There's an adventure park near here. Mini-golf, go karts…you in?”

“Are you an adrenaline junkie?” Henry asks, taking a sip of his tea.

Alex eyes him for a moment.

“I’m a fan of most things that get my heart racing. Surely you must know that by now.”

Henry tries and fails not to look affected. Usually Alex saves flirtatious talk like this for their lessons, when they’re in the privacy of one of their rooms.

He figures he’s overthinking it. Anyone passing by would simply think it’s an innocuous statement. Only Henry knows the deeper meaning of his words. It excites him, having this secret hiding in plain sight.

“That makes two of us then. I’m game.”

~*~*~

They unwind after a day of adventure in Alex’s room watching Crescent Valley. Alex gives Henry behind the scenes commentary on what it was like filming on the show and he takes advantage of the insights, letting his phone rest between them as they lay side by side in bed, recording all the stories so that he can add more color to the book.

Henry creates a new voice note and puts the show on pause, switching over to his running notes document.

“Can you talk to me about your journey learning about your sexuality?” he asks. “It’s such a key part to the memoir, I’d love to hear more about that.”

Alex pulls in a breath and Henry feels a bit guilty about switching gears so suddenly. In contrast to how easy it was for Alex to share on-set anecdotes, he seems unsure of where to start now.

“It used to be a distant, vague thing in my head. The first concrete period of time I can pinpoint is freshman year. I played lacrosse in high school,” Alex says. “And I was damn good.”

Henry can picture it easily, Alex in uniform, a complete rockstar on the field. He’s patient as Alex parses his thoughts.

“I’d get super competitive with guys I thought had an edge on me. I can’t really describe it. But sometimes I’d reason, if I could beat them, they’d be impressed and I’d get on their radar. I really don’t know how to explain it,” he repeats. Henry can hear the frustration. “I guess I was seeking some kind of validation. I wanted them to notice me and not just as an athlete.”

Alex sighs.

“I’ve only genuinely hooked up with one guy other than you. I’ve gotten wasted at parties in L.A before and I’ve made out with some dudes, but it was always something I could explain away like, I was drunk or just doing a bit. Messing around, you know? But then I’d think about high school and the way one of my teammates and I would kinda orbit around each other. It wasn’t…the same with him. With Liam,” Alex sighs and Henry doesn’t miss how soft Alex’s voice gets when saying his old teammates name.

“I didn’t get that competitive streak. It was different. More real. With him, it was like we were on equal ground.”

Alex shakes his head, toying with his fingers.

“We were good friends. We’d hang out a lot after practice or games. We kind of fell into it. I almost don’t even remember how or when I noticed it for the first time, the way we’d hold each other’s gaze a little longer than was needed. Or the way we’d make excuses to casually touch either other in almost stealthy ways. I guess it doesn’t really matter. Point is, it eventually came to a head. We’d be so hopped up on adrenaline after lacrosse most times and one day, one thing led to another and the next thing I knew, we were making out in my room.”

Henry studies Alex’s profile, sees the deep furrow of his brow as if, years later, he’s still trying to understand his actions.

“The first time it happened, I thought that’d be the only time. We were both kinda spooked by it, to be honest. After he left though, I couldn’t stop thinking about it…about how much I actually liked it and wanted it again. For fuck’s sake, I got off thinking about him and our kiss that night. That was the first time I ever got off thinking about a guy.”

Alex sighs.

“I saw him the next day at practice. At first, we kept our distance in the locker room. We went out on the field with everyone else, and played our parts well. Then he showed up at my house afterwards totally unannounced and it became a recurring thing after that. If we celebrated a win or if one of us had a shitty day at practice...we’d keep seeking each other out. It was mostly always just kissing. But every now and then, we’d touch. Nothing over the top. Hell, we’d mostly just get ourselves off together. I think I was too scared to touch him like that. It would have made what we were doing too real somehow.”

Henry listens on quietly, fully present in this moment with Alex.

“We… I chalked it up to goofing around. Just boys being boys or whatever bullshit I used to convince myself it meant nothing. Liam is actually engaged now to a pretty great guy. We’ve talked since high school, you know, about everything. I thought we were just messing around, but he told me how serious it was on his end, even back then. He’d always felt different than our classmates. He always knew this truth about himself even though he was afraid to say it out loud. He genuinely liked me as more than a friend.”

Alex frowns and collects his thoughts.

“Looking back on it, I feel like such an asshole. Liam had real feelings for me and I know now that I was attracted to him, but we were in two totally different headspaces when we were hooking up. Each time, it was reaffirming something for him. He knew fully that he was gay. For me, at the time at least, it just felt like a way of getting off and having fun. He felt like an exception to everything, an anomaly. I still went out with and hooked up with girls regularly, you know. I didn’t know what it actually meant about me that I was in fact drawn to both.”

Alex runs a hand through his hair.

“I’m glad he and I have had the chance to talk things through. And I’ve apologized to him several times, but it hardly feels like enough. I should have been more careful. I should have seen what that really was. I never meant to hurt him.”

Henry inches forward, his heart breaking as Alex looks at him with wet eyes.

“You’ve done all you can since learning the truth. It wasn’t intentional and I’m sure he knows that. Liam isn’t upset with you, right?”

Alex shakes his head.

“No, but he’d have every reason in the world to be.”

Henry places a hand on Alex’s.

“You can’t beat yourself up over this. You’ve made amends. You were just kids back then. This isn’t easy. You’ve got to give yourself some grace.”

There’s a distant look in Alex’s eyes as he blinks his tears away.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right and logically, I get that. Still, I can’t fully shake it. I can’t help but to wonder what my life would have been like if only I would have realized what it meant that I kept going back to him. Because I really wanted it with him specifically, but it felt like a one-off, like no big deal, you know? If I thought a few guys were attractive, I saw it as just having eyes and being observant. It didn’t feel like some life-altering thing. But in reality? The things I was doing with Liam, the things I wanted to do with him but didn’t have the courage to say…that was a huge turning point and I totally missed it. Sometimes, it almost feels like I was robbed. But it was my own ignorance that kept me in the dark for so long.”

Alex shrugs and looks away and Henry’s heart shatters at once.

“Anyway, that’s a conversation for me and my therapist. I won’t bore you with it any further now,” Alex laughs, but Henry can hear the pain in it.

He stops the recording. He’s asked enough of Alex tonight.

“It’s never a bore, a bother, or a burden. You can always talk to me. Even if I weren’t tasked with writing out your life’s story, I’d want to listen. I…perhaps it’s improper, but I sincerely do consider you a dear friend, Alex.”

Alex quirks a brow.

“Given the things we’ve done to each other’s bodies, I’d say friendship is the least improper territory we’ve waded into.”

This time Henry laughs as he concedes.

“You’ve got me there,” he relents.

Alex smiles softly and reaches for Henry’s hand.

“I appreciate it though. The offer and…you know, you in general. You’re helping me in all sorts of ways, it’s actually kind of crazy. I don’t know if I’ve even said thank you yet, for any of it. But I am grateful for everything.”

“You’re welcome. It’s nice to know I can be useful,” Henry says, aiming for levity.

But Alex’s face is serious as he shakes his head and laces their fingers.

“It’s beyond that, Henry. You’re essential to me. I don’t ever want you to forget that.”

#rwrb fic #red white and royal blue #firstprince #henry fox mountchristen windsor #alex claremont diaz #userthai #tusersonia #tuserpaige #usernicholas #usersteen #tusersilence #userjamiec #lookstevie #kimmy writes

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mojowitchcraft · 1 year

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Fave WIP Round-Up [Part 2]

Posted a list of my fave WIPs last night and realized I missed some, so here's Part 2 of my fave WIPs! Find the rest of my WIP Recs here

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"Tell me a secret." Steve says and Eddie shakes his head. "Why would I do that?" "I'll tell you one." Eddie looks intrigued, smirks in his direction. "A secret for a secret? Okay." He looks up. "You go first." (Steve always noticed Eddie. He's been there on the peripheral, easy enough to ignore. Until he's standing right in front of him, unavoidable. And then they collide over, and over, and over)

Tell Me "Don't", So I Can Crawl Back In by kiaramgrey Rated E | Chapters: 8/? | Words: 43k

When Steve finds himself alone and without friends, following his breakup with Nancy, he decides what he needs is a distraction. Maybe some new friends who don't remind him of the bullshit life he gave up. When he literally runs into Eddie Munson, school drug dealer and self proclaimed freak, an idea begins to form. Who better to show him what life outside popularity can be like, than someone who doesn't give a shit what anyone thinks? And Eddie? Well, Eddie is just bracing for impact.

Reboot by @plutosrose [Now Complete] Rated E | Chapters: 10/10 | Words: 38k

In 2012, Steve Harrington and Eddie Munson film a scene in the teen drama Normal Stuff that launches a popular ship on ao3. By early 2013, they aren't speaking anymore. In 2024, Robin calls Steve with an offer to reprise his role as Andy Hartley in a reboot of their old show, with one important update--his character gets together with Eddie's.

Lesson/Plan by @2btheanswertothequestion Rated M | Chapters: 3/5 | Words: 7k

Eddie huffs. "I'm already 20 fucking years old. I don't want to wait any longer. I want to experience all the shit everyone else already has now." "Everyone hasn't-" "Steve, the 15-year-olds currently in this house have seen more action than I have." "All right, okay, I hear you. We'll solve it for you." "How." "Well," Steve's tongue darts out to wet his lips, "if you just want to get it over with, then... I could kiss you?" Eddie's never been kissed, so Steve offers to teach him. And then he teaches him some more, and some more, and some more.

Sleight of Hand by @flieslikeamoron Rated E | Chapters: 17/19 | Words: 125k

Steve needs a weed dealer. He gets a bit more than that. (This is an AU set a couple months after the Snow Ball in season 2.)

PTA Shouldn't Stand for Pretty Tight Ass by @humanityinahandbag & Invader_Sam | Rated M | Chapters: 14/? | Words 51k

Steve Harrington - ex local legend and fearsome bully, now single father of two - returns to Hawkins after the world spit him out. With a messy life to sort through, all he wanted was settle down and get his kids through seventh grade without any surprises. Cue Mr. Eddie Munson, ex victim of one Steve Harrington, now Hawkins Middle School's favorite music teacher. Or: What happens when your former high school bully raises two absolute nerds, joins the PTA, helps run the bake sale, makes the best cupcakes in Indiana, and may or may not be having a bisexual crisis.

Some Cupids Kill With Dice by @hawkinsheroes Rated M | Chapters: 14/? | Words: 109k

Steve Harrington doesn't have time to date. In fact, between working multiple part-time jobs and raising two rambunctious and poorly-behaved preteens, he doesn't have time for much of anything. And it's fine. He's fine. He's having an absolutely awesome time slinging ice cream, sorting DVDs, and dodging questions from his friends and family about his love life. That is, of course, until the twins come to him with a simple request: go to Parents Night and sign them up for Mr. Munson's Dungeons and Dragons club. Or, the one where Steve is a tired and overworked DILF who may or may not be smitten with his kids' seventh grade English teacher. Featuring: busted old Hondas, milkshakes as an intricate mating ritual, twelve year-old wingmen, and the worst flirting you've ever seen in your life.

breathe out (so i can breathe you in) by @bttmbunk Rated E | Chapters: 11/12 | Words: 91k

“You thinking of getting it for yourself?” The man continues, eyebrows raised, and that’s when Steve realises he’s just been staring, practically drooling over this stranger who's decided to strike up a conversation about a guitar. A part of him wishes that the floor would open up and swallow him whole. “Oh, uh, no, actually.” He says, “It’s for my daughter.” Something indecipherable flickers across the man’s face, there and gone again in an instant, “How sweet.” “I don’t know what I’m looking for,” he admits, a little sheepish, “I’m not a musician, so…” he shrugs, “I have no way of knowing if this is a good guitar or not.” There’s a hint of amusement in the man’s eyes as his mouth tilts into a more crooked grin, “Well, lucky for you, I can help.” In one fluid motion, the man drops himself into a sweeping, dramatic bow. The suddenness of it startles a laugh out of Steve. “Eddie Munson, guitarist, musician extraordinaire - at your service.” His energy is infectious - Steve finds that he’s grinning, “Uh, Steve Harrington. Basketball coach, dad,” He tries to think of another good descriptor, but comes up short, “Totally at a loss, here.”

Trouble Looks Good On You by @steddielations Rated E | Chapters: 3/5 | Words: 35k

It happens like a fever dream. The first time Steve gives Eddie a swift smack on the ass, it’s obviously just an old jock habit that’s stuck with him. It wasn’t meant to have Eddie’s knees going weak, or turn his blood hot under his skin, or give him a brand in the shape of Steve Harrington’s hand, or— Nope, because Eddie’s not even into that. But then, it happens again. Or, Steve keeps accidentally awakening Eddie’s new kinks.

for this gift, I do feel blessed @wheatisstillwheat [Now Complete] Rated E | Chapters: 19/19 | Words: 96k

Steve was supposed to be in Berlin with his best friend Robin, not wandering around looking for a coffee shop, not speaking a lick of German. Steve definitely wasn't supposed to take the only open seat next to a beautiful, mysterious (sexy), and slightly pissed stranger at said coffee shop who cannot believe Steve wasn't angling for an autograph from him, which Steve definitely isn't, because Steve has no idea who he is...yet. (OR Rock Star AU - in which Eddie Munson is a famous grunge/alt/metal band frontman and Steve is as clueless as we'd all expect. hi-jinx and love ensue.)

Edited May 7 to update chapter & word counts Edited May 26 to note completed fics Edited Aug 3 to update chapter & word counts

#WIP RECS #STEDDIE FIC RECS #STEDDIE FIC REC #STEDDIE WIP #STRANGER THINGS #STRANGER THINGS FIC REC #STEVE HARRINGTON #EDDIE MUNSON #STEDDIE #PUBLICLY OUTING MYSELF AS A SIMP FOR ALL THESE WRITERS #mojowitchcraft wip recs

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wanderlust-in-my-soul · 1 year

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Currently watching - January

Because I love a good little list - with an alphabetical order this time! 😊

Regularly updated during the month, latest update 31.01.2023

This may contain spoilers!

1. Ameiro Paradox (6/8 on Viki and Gaga)

An enemies to lovers story with journalists and cute smiles. I am a little bit confused by Kaburagi, just like Onoe is. It is not bad, the acting is quite nice.

2. Bokura no Micro na Shuumatsu aka The End Of the World With You (1/8 on Gaga or Viki)

This feels depressing and heartbreaking and I love it! Done right this can become a little sad gem.

3. Cutie Pie 2 You (1/4 on Youtube)

Well, I haven't been waiting for this and the first season left without a deeper impact on me. So right now I am very much unimpressed with this one.

4. HIStory 5: Love in the future (5/20 on Viki)

It is starting to grow on me. Both storylines. Seeing Hai Yi being nice, caring and less arrogant is kind of sweet. And all the flirting between Liang and Wynn is very much entertaining. Besides that, the main story is kind of confusing and I can't stop myself from asking, why doesn't He Bo Wei search himself in the internet?

5. Individual Circumstances (4/8 on Viki)

After years spending their lives apart from each other an almost worn out movie director and a famous writer meet again. The past has to be processed and the writer deals with their history and present in one of his stories. I like this one a lot. Can it be please next week, so I know what they were talking about in the preview?

6. My School President (8/12 on Youtube)

I loooove this one so much!!!! It is my favorite watch of the week! Set in highschool we meet Tinn (the school president) and Gun (head of the music club). Tinn has a huge crush on Gun and Gun sees in Tinn the enemy who is standing between the success of his music club and the win of the Hot Wave Music Contest. Sometimes you just need a good old high school bl to be happy. I enjoyed this series so much. And the music is so good!!!

7. Never Let Me Go (7/12 on Youtube)

The tension and chemistry between the two mains is definitely there and noticeable. I am hooked with the story and at this point really anxious about what's to come. There are so many layers to unfold and I love reading all those metas here on tumblr! So well written analyses.

8. Physical: 100 (2/10 on Netflix)

Okay, listen...my best friend told me, I should watch this and after 15 minutes we were on the phone with each other and for the next 1,5 hours we had the time of our lifes! This show is insane and so much fun to watch!

9. The New Employee (6/8 on Viki)

I love the manhwa and I really enjoy this adaptation. It is funny and cute and not so far from the original material. The two mains have a wonderful chemistry.

Finished in January

Series

1. 2 Moons the Ambassador (12/12 on Youtube)

It was just bad. The acting was not good. The plot was...lame and there was too much going on with the amount of couples to deal witj. And there was just too much dull drama without reason and so many plotholes and logical errors... 2 out of 10 for the sweetness sometimes

2. Till the world ends (10/10 on Youtube)

This one was such a pleasant surprise for me. A story about the end of the world with explicit and brutal scenes, decent acting and a kind of good story! The chemistry was there and with episode eight they said, well lets show world what we can do. I won't talk about physics nor the ending. Well the latter would explain the first issues, but I don't care. I liked it! 8,5 out of 10 dystopian ideas

3. Remember Me (14/14 on Gaga)

Okay, this one is so complicated for me. First I found it boring. With episode three I was hooked and totally into it. Around episode 10/11 I just got bored again and the story became...difficult to like anymore and the last one was just meh...I really liked the storytelling, but some parts could have been cut short and others needed more story time. I felt like they have forgotten that there were like four other stories beside Champ's in the last episode so everything felt rushed. And yes, the big problem with Name's decision to speak. Like as it is just so easy to overcome your fear and barrier and mental health problem and just speak. One day, after you notice it would be better for others if you speak, you just do it...well, that is not how it works. And yes, thinking about it, this is a really big problem of the show in general. Just presenting mental health problems as something you can overcome with enough selfcontrol and some words of encouragement...or the sight of others who feel unwell in your depressed presence...damn...It could have been such a nice 7, but thinking about those flaws really hurts...there is no real working with the problems. Champ just decides to forgive his family and his depression is healed...Name speaks because he just decided to do so...Gun and Golf broke up and just a few days later Golf says sorry and pulls out a ring and everything is fine again...Well no...that is not how life works. 4 out of 10 stories to tell

4. Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai VS Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko Season 1 (4/4 on Gaga)

A man who tries to avoid the world of BL, by reading Yaoi mangas to get to know all the tropes he has to avoid in order to not get involved with the world as a main character. It is hilarious. I had a really good time watching it. 8 out of 10 tropes to avoid

5. Love Bill (10/10 on Youtube)

A vietnamese drama about a young man falling in love with a screenwriter. Well, of course there are some other things happening in between, but this is the heart of the story. Our boy Nguyễn Bá Vinh is doing a great job! I really enjoyed this drama. And the ending is so perfectly fitting for this drama. Thien is a screenwriter and known as the king od sad endings. So yeah, the ending is sad, but at the same time perfect and bittersweet. 7 out of 10 rainwater barrel showers

6. The director who buys me dinner (10/10 on iQiyi)

Okay, I read the Webseries, so I do know what Dennis was up to and what his story was. I liked the story between Yudam and Dongbaek. The ending? I wish they would have stick more to the original, but I am not mad about it. They had a fresh start and it is not that open of an ending for me. Yudam agreed to have dinner with Dongbaek and I believe that those two will be happy in the end. 7,5 out of 10 pills to swallow

7. Island (6/6 non bl)

I have never thought I would say I like a horror series, but here I am. I hate horror besides Vampires, Aliens and Witches, so this was a surprise, especially when I think about my despise and horror for The Exorcist. But this one is really good! And now I can't wait for season 2!! There is so much to unpack and I am hooked! 9,5 out of 10 lust demons

8. War of Y (20/20 on Gaga)

I finally watched it. I don't know. It was good imo, without a doubt. But it is a little bit paradox. The series tries to go against the industry and the fanservice and the working conditions, but in the end it is just another bl. Most of the stories have their happy ending and are kind of unrealistic. I enjoyed my time watching it, even though it was tough at some times. 7 out of 10 two-faced media

9. Gaya Sa Pelikula aka Like in the Movies (8/8 on Youtube)

What a perfect little series! I loved every second of this and I wish it had more episodes. But they managed to tell the story in the time they had without cutting something short or anything. It is a deep story with a light storytelling that fits the tone perfectly. The story is about Karl and Vlad who become fake boyfriends to help each other and who happen to fall in love with each other for real. But nothing is that easy in this world and the process of coming out and coming to terms with who you are needs time. Absolutely love this one! 10 out of 10 dishes to wash

10. Ingredients (21/21 on Gaga)

This was the perfect thing to watch while laying down with a cold. It warms your heart and makes you smile. It is such a cute and wholesome story and I believe they will manage to overcome all obstacles in their relationship. I am very grateful for this recommendation! 9,5 out of 10 desserts

11. My Engineer (14/14 on Youtube)

Well this one was a ride. I liked the beginning, but my patience died at some point. So Bohn and Duen became a couple, but they didn't touch each other, no hand holding, no kind of showing affection and the only one who does shows them through words is Bohn, but he becomes so jealous I wanted to slap his face. He is sulking the whole second part of this series! That was so annoying. The only bright spot were RamKing. I get it, they are cute and the only ones with at least two brain cells! 5,5 out of 10 sulking faces...

12. The Tuxedo (8/8 on Gaga)

This was not good. I think it is cringy and there was no chemistry between the mains or a plot I could really follow. I mean there are short films out there, which can transport a better story with a better feeling for time and substance than this series. The amount of times I cried noooo...Not good... 3,5 out 10 what the hell was this blue tuxedo?!?!

13. History 4: Close to you (10/10 on Viki)

Yeah, close to you...what a perfect titel. Best friends to lovers, stepbrothers to lovers. And I liked it. I don't know what else to say. I know there are some scenes that are just bad. There is no excuse for that, but you know what? I watched KinnPorsche, I watched Dangerous Drugs Of Sex...And besides those scenes I really enjoyed the stories. Yes, also the stepbrothers. 8 out of 10 Cardigans

14. Between Us (12/12 on Youtube)

Well, in the end it was boring and I couldn't care less about WinTeams relationship or their traumas, which is really sad, because it plays such a big role in the series. I liked them in UWMA, but here, in their own series, they were blank and boring. 4,5 out of 10 swimming pools

15. The Devil Judge (16/16 on Viki)

Why so good? I couldn't stop watching in the end. You know the feeling when you are so tense, you just want to spoiler yourself the ending, but you don't want to, but you want to and in the end you are sitting there in tears, because the drama is so sad and you're so tense. And still, since the beginnen of the show, you question yourself if you want to hate Jung Sun Ah, feel pity for her, fuck her or let her fuck you. In the end I let her fuck me out of pity while I hate her with all my guts. But the drama is just so fucking good. So thrilling and with some really good (and some not so good) plot twists. And in the end, every meme is true, gay sex would be less gay than what ever was going on between Kang Yo Han and Kim Ga On and I respect them for that. 10 out of 10 intense eye contacts

16. Zettai BL ni Naru Sekai VS Zettai BL ni Naritakunai Otoko 2 (3/3 on Gaga)

A man who tries to avoid the world of BL, by reading Yaoi mangas to get to know all the tropes he has to avoid in order to not get involved with the world as a main character - Part II (yes, I copy paste this one...). It is hilarious. I had a really good time watching it. 7,5 out of 10 tropes to still avoid

New Category: Dropped/On Hold

1. I will knock you (1/12 on Gaga)

Well, I don't like it. It brings me no joy so far. So for now it is on hold until I have nothing more to watch...

2. To Sir, with love (2/17 on Youtube)

I know that it is good, but I don't know. I just can't find the energy to watch it. Perhaps some day in the future.

3. Something in my room (3/10 on Youtube)

I saw people talking about this one and how good it is. Well, it is quite okay. I guess it will get a little bit deeper with more episodes, but I haven’t had the time to watch more or the motivation to watch it...so for now it is on hold

4. Hit Bite Love (on Youtube)

I couldn't get over the first half of the first epsiode. It just made me uncomfortable. So this was a dropped for me...

Short films

1. Invitation (on Gaga)

A short film about a jobless person who finds binoculars and breaks in a stranger's home. There is a good twist in the end. The acting was okay, the story was okay...the ending was good. 6,5 out of 10 binoculars

2. Fragile Souls (on Gaga)

I like this one a lot. It has depth and a really deep story for a movie under 10 minutes. The acting is good, too. It is a story about opening your heart to someone and not keeping you inner demons all to yourself. You are allowed to be vulnerable and it gets better. 8,5 out of 10 grainy metaphores

3. Jay (on Gaga)

Jay is a 13 years old boy who is fascinated by his older brother's physique what somewho change into attraction. He is discovering his own sexual orientation while his brother doesn't keep his own a secret from the younger brother (he has sex with his girlfriend while the door to his room was open). It is a complicated film which ewokes complicated emotions. Jay is in an early stage of puberty and his hormones and emotions are going crazy. He can't bring himself to like the girl who has a crush on him. Instead he fantasises about his brother, or his brother's body, a male body to whom he has easy access. The acting is not bad, the subject difficult, but all in all not a bad short film. 7 out of 10 pants

4. Going South (on Gaga)

What a ride. This movie was tense and uncomfortable to watch. I guess you can start a discourse about the question wether the sexual encounter is consensual, dub con or just simply r*pe...With all I have seen it is r*pe for me. There was so much aggression between those two and I understand both sides, which doesn't mean that ones actions were justified. 5,5 out of 10 chasing scenes

5. Suddenly Last Summer (on Gaga)

It is the story about a student, who stalks his teacher after he discovered the latter is gay. The student goes so far that he blackmails the teacher to do everything he wants for a day in return he would keep his secret safe. Well it was a slow and quiet movie. The acting was good. The story itself was okay. I liked it. Did I liek the student? Nope...But his behavior fits his character and his role in the movie. 8 out of 10 headphones

6. Kiss Of The Rabbit God (on Gaga)

This is such a beautiful and good short film! I loved every second of it and I was hooked to the very last scene. The following is all you need to know. Oh I love some good stories! A long time ago in the Qing Dynasty a young soldier fell in love with a handsome official and was sentenced to death for confessing his longing. When his spirit travelled to the Underworld the soldier’s crime was forgiven as one of passion and he was ordained The Rabbit God, the god of secret lovers. The god now travels through eternity answering prayers of forbidden love. 10 out of 10 crimson-hair

7. Langit Budak Biru (on Gaga)

It is not easy to watch, it is not easy to think about, but it is important to think about, to talk about. A movie about two boarding school students in a very religious and very homophobic country trying to understand why they are here and how to survive. My highest resprect for this movie. 10 out of 10 !

Movies

1. Gameboys: The Movie (on Gaga)

Well I haven't seen the first season, but you can indeed watch this without knowledge of the things that happen before (imo). I thought it was a decent movie. The acting was good, the stroy was there and I liked it. But I can't with "Baby" as a term of endearment. At some point all I could hear and concentrate on was this term and I am honest, I hated it. 7 out of 10 ... baby ...

What I’m looking forward to in January:

Beautiful Scars (2nd)

Stoma (4th)

Cutie Pie 2 You (6th)

Utsukushii Kare: Special Edit Version (16th)

Individual Circumstances (19th)

Hit Bite Love (21st)

Kare ga Boku ni Koishita Wake (23rd)

Bokura no Micro na Shuumatsu (30th)

Langit Budak Biru (30th)

Future

The Luminous Solution

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pensat-i-fet · 1 year

Text

Take Two: Part 1 (Rúben Dias)

Part 2 l Part 3

Masterlist

Wattpad

“So the movie is being filmed in London, right?”, asked Mariana.

“Mainly, but there are other locations in England where you’ll have to do some small scenes”.

“Ok, I hope it’s not too cold there”.

She could see her agent rolling her eyes at her. Anyone could tell she had been unbearable lately. Complaining about every little detail when she usually just worked and never mentioned anything in a negative way. But moving to England…it brought back too many memories. The main one was her ex, who was now living there. But she wouldn’t have to see him at all. She’ll go to London and all those little towns in the middle of nowhere and get this film done. After the success of her last two roles, everyone agreed it was time for her to go for a role that could get her nominated for some type of award. And this role was exactly that.

“Ready to go?”, asked Amelia, her make-up artist and best friend. Life in Hollywood was lonely. One didn’t know who they could really trust, but Amelia had proven to be a good friend multiple times.

“Yeah”, she answered and entered the jet.

The flight was going to be a long one, so they planned on spending it watching a couple of movies and trying to get some sleep to better adjust to the British timezone once they landed.

When they made it to England, Mariana was tired and desperate for a relaxing bath.

“Want to order some food and watch a movie?”, asked Amelia.

“Sorry Ames, I’m shattered”.

“Ok, grandma. Do you want me to get your schedule to your room when Felix gets here? So he doesn’t bother you?”

“Please!”

Back in her room, she quickly took her clothes off and got the bath ready. The selection of oils wasn’t that great for a 5-star hotel but it’d have to do. Just another annoying thing to add to her already growing list of complaints.

Her bath time was like meditation time for her. Almost sacred. She didn’t listen to any music or watch any movies. She just closed her eyes and took deep breaths, trying to empty her mind. And more often than not, she fell asleep.

“Babe?”, she heard Amelia say from the other side of the door. She always got a spare key to Mariana’s room.

“Coming!”

The water was starting to get cold and she felt a chill all over her body when she got out of the bath.

“What is it?”, she asked once she was back in the room.

“Your schedule”, said Amelia, with a weird look on her face.

“What’s that look for?”

“Just look at the schedule”.

And so she did.

-Oct 10th-20th: filming in London. Parts 3 and 5 from the script.

-Oct 22nd-26th: filming in Birmingham. Studio. Parts 1, 7 and 8.

-Nov 1st- Dec 12th: filming in Manchester. Rest of the script.

“I thought I was filming in London!”, she yelled. “That motherfucker!”

“Babe, no. Wait! Mariana!”.

But Amelia’s plea fell on deaf ears because Mariana left her room, wearing only a bathrobe, and ready to confront Felix. How could he do that to her?

“Open the door right now!”, she screamed, almost punching the door instead of knocking.

“You got the schedule, then”, said Felix, as if nothing had happened.

“You lied to me! You lied to me multiple times! I said England was bad enough but Manchester?”

“It’s the best role you could get to finally get the award you crave so much. I’m doing what’s best for you”.

“You’re fired”, screamed Mariana.

“No, I’m not. You are going to bed now and you’ll realize that I’m doing what’s best for you. Then you’ll stop being a brat and you’ll thank me when you do your speech at the stupid Oscars”.

Her fury was getting worse and worse. How dare he talk to her like that?

“Felix, do you think you’re untouchable or something?”, she hissed.

“No, I just know I’m good at my job and that I’m doing what’s best for my client. No, actually, not only that. I’m doing what she, what you asked me to do. This is the role you wanted. The film has to be done in Manchester too and that’s that. I can’t tell them where to film when they’ve been preparing for this movie for months just because you don’t want to be there”.

“Yes, I don’t want to be there. I don’t want to be in the same country as him and I don’t want to be in the same city as him. The last time we were seen in the same place, people went mad. I can’t do that again!”

“I thought you were over him”.

“I am”, she said, firmly.

“Then act like it. People won’t even know where you are filming apart from London. I’ll deal with the paparazzi”.

“I still hate you”, she said, leaving and conceding this defeat. She knew he was right and that annoyed her most than anything else.

London was full of paparazzi trying to catch her and the rest of the cast filming scenes for the movie. Security had a hard time getting rid of them. But as Felix had predicted, by the time they moved to Birmingham, no one followed them. She even managed to go shopping around the city centre without bodyguards and not one person bothered her. That felt good. Almost like being back to the times before she became famous. It definitely lifted her spirit. She hadn’t been her cheerful self for a while and she could tell that the stories that would come out of this set would be about what a bitch she was.

She was just tired. And homesick. And lonely. So lonely.

But Birmingham was great. She loved filming in beautiful locations but there was something about studios that she loved even more. And even though some of the hardest scenes had to be filmed on those sets, she enjoyed it. Comedy wasn’t her forte, she was a drama actress and she planned on proving that to everyone with this film.

“Here”, said Amelia when she sat down in Mariana’s bed.

“What is it?”, she asked, unwrapping a box. “Under eye patches?”, she laughed.

“That’s the best present I can give you. Crying so much for those scenes is making your eyes too puffy”.

“Aren't you the best make-up artist?”, teased Mariana. “Then you’ll be able to make me look good next week despite the puffy eyes”.

“I don’t know, babes. I can’t perform miracles”.

And they both fell on her bed laughing. It was so good to have someone she could be herself with. She had missed that feeling.

Somehow, October had already finished. The filming of the movie was going well but it was time for the biggest part of it. The part that was filmed in Manchester.

“It’ll be fine”, said Felix, holding Mariana’s hand while they were being driven to the hotel.

“So you keep saying”.

“I got it under control”, he reassured her.

Felix wasn’t only an agent and publicist, he was her other good friend. Someone who knew how to help her in every situation and not just because of money. He had proven that many times before as well.

“What’s my schedule for the days before we go back to filming?”

“We have a photoshoot for Vogue. It took a lot to get it so you better make the best out of it. And then we have a gala. I managed to get Louis Vuitton to dress you for it. We’re doing the fitting tomorrow”.

“Sounds good”, she said, sighing and looking out of the window at the city she’ll be spending a lot of time in. His city.

"I don't like not having you as my make-up artist", complained Mariana on her way to the photoshoot.

"You know how these fashion people are. I'm not good enough for them".

"They don't know much then".

"Hey, you ok?", asked Amelia, noticing her friend looking out of the window with sad eyes.

"Just one of those moments when everything feels like too much, you know?”

"Well, I'm here to talk".

"I know", said Mariana, putting her head on her friend's shoulder and closing her eyes.

When they got to the studio, everyone started to move her around to get her ready. She felt three hands pulling at her hair while others tried to put clothes on her to see what looked best. It was unbearable.

"So you're an actress?", asked one of the women doing her makeup.

"Yes".

"Would I know you from something?"

"I don't know. Did you watch the last Jake Matthew's movie?"

"Oh yeah, the one with the cute blonde on it, right?"

"That one, yeah", she sighed, knowing she meant her coprotagonist, Josh.

"He's so hot. Who were you in the movie?"

"The one that played his wife".

"Can't remember that".

And that was the story of her career. Being the pretty actress next to the actor who got all the fame and recognition. That's why she was tired of those movies and wanted to do something serious. Something real. Something that showed people she was good at her job.

"Wait", said the stylist. "Didn't you date a footballer?"

From the corner of her eye, Mariana saw Amelia looking at her worryingly.

"No. You must be confusing me with someone else", she answered, wanting to avoid the conversation altogether.

"Yeah, the City guy. The hot Portuguese".

"Who?", asked another one of the make-up artists.

"I can't remember his name. My boyfriend loves him and I love looking at him”, she laughed making everyone else join her. “Are you sure you didn't date him?"

"Confident", said Mariana with a fake smile. It was a good thing she was really good at her job.

The shoot lasted three long hours and by the time she was done, she could overhear the photographer telling the stylist that maybe one of the photos could be used to which she responded that it was ok because “no one knew her in the UK anyways”.

Mariana took her coat and left without even saying goodbye. She was so tired of all these fake people. And of having to be fake herself.

"You ok?", asked Felix when she got to the hotel's lobby.

"Sure".

"How was the shoot?"

"Alright".

"Do you know how to speak long sentences?", he asked her, annoyed at her attitude.

"I'm just tired. I'll take a bath and go to bed".

"No, you have the Louis Vuitton fitting".

"Now?"

"Don't whine".

"Felix, please", she begged, almost crying. She just needed to be alone for an hour or two.

He hugged her and let her use him as support like she had many times.

"Just do this quickly", he whispered, "and then I'll get you your favourite food and leave you alone until tomorrow evening, ok?"

"Ok", she sighed and walked to her room, where the Louis Vuitton people were waiting for her. Time for more fake smiles. When had she gotten so good at faking?

Felix had kept his promise and allowed her to have a morning off. She spent some of her time going through the script. Practising her accent as her coach had taught her. Most people were surprised to find she wasn't American when they heard her talk in English letting her accent come through.

Once she was done, she asked Amelia to go shopping and for lunch. She didn't really know the area but was sure she could find a cute little place to eat. She tended to avoid the big spaces…even if no one really knew her in the UK. She thought about that line again, rolling her eyes. Who knew them two anyway?

"So because of the gorgeous neckline of the dress, I thought about putting your hair up. And then we'll do a smokey eye in the same shade as the dress. It'll compliment your eyes so well", said Amelia, excitedly. She loved her job just as much as Mariana loved hers, and she also loved playing with her face as if she was a doll. If it made her friend happy, she'd let her experiment as much as she wanted.

"I'm sure you'll make me look perfect but don't use all the time on me, you need to get ready too".

"Eeeeek!", screamed Amelia, making everyone look at them. "Sorry, I still can't believe you convinced them to let me have a dress too so I could attend the event with you".

"A bit stupid of me to take someone prettier than me as a plus one but oh well, I'll allow you to outshine me for one night", she laughed.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure all the big celebs will fall in love with me".

"You never know", said Mariana with a wink.

After a long shower, she started to get ready with the help of Amelia. For once, it was just the two of them, plus the occasional visit from Felix, and it just felt like two friends getting ready for a night out. Mariana didn’t stop smiling the whole time.

"Ready?", asked Mariana when they were about to leave the limo to join the red carpet.

"No, but I can't hide now, can I?"

"No", she laughed, taking her friend's hand.

The red carpet was another place where she could just act and pretend. She kept her head high while she heard the photographers yelling all types of things at her. And once she reached the end of the carpet, she took a deep breath.

"That was amazing!!!!", said Amelia.

Mariana turned to see her beaming. At least someone enjoyed the experience.

The aim of the night was to show her clothes and to say hello to the important people. Or those who everyone thought were important people.

"Can I steal her from you for a second?", asked Felix smoothly while taking her away from everyone else.

"What is it?"

"I need you to not freak out", he said, making her freak out.

"Why?"

"Rúben is here".

She could feel her chest contracting at the words. What was he doing here?

"How?"

"I don't know. I checked the list at least 20 times and his name wasn't there. It isn't there now. But he is here. Unless he's got a twin that showed up at the event and I find that a bit unlikely".

Mariana closed her eyes to try and control her reaction. She couldn't see him. They couldn't be seen together. Not again.

"I need the toilet", she said.

"Don't run away without telling me, please".

"I won't", she promised. And continued her way to the bathrooms.

She kept looking at herself in the mirror trying to find there the strength to deal with this moment. Her face looked pale from the shock of the news and her eyes were watering. But she wouldn't let anyone notice how affected she was. She would just say goodbye to everyone and leave before Rúben could even realize she was there.

Determined, she made her way back to where she thought Felix would be.

"Ana?", she gulped after hearing that voice. His voice. And that nickname. No one called her that anymore. She made sure of it.

"Hi Rúben", she said back, turning to look at him. Seeing him up close after such a long time made her knees feel weak. He had changed a little, but not much. He still looked like her Rúben and that made her heart beat too fast. Hearts can be so stupid sometimes.

"I didn't expect you to be here".

"Yeah, same. I gotta go and talk to people. It was nice seeing you, though", she said and tried to get away from him as quickly as possible.

"Don't go", he said, holding her arm. The contact made her skin burn. "Can't we talk and maybe catch up? We haven't seen each other in so long".

"I don't want people seeing us together", she said and saw him flinch.

"Ok".

"I…I didn't mean it like that. I just, you remember the last time we were in the same restaurant and people thought we were back together. It was madness for our publicists. And we weren't even there the same day".

"Is that all you care about now? About publicists and what people think of you?", he said, with a sad look.

"Don't judge me like that. You play the same game. And I have to care. You don't get how hard this career is".

"Whatever you say, Mariana”, he said, making her own name sound like an insult. “I'll leave you so I don't taint your perfect image".

His words tickled her.

"Don't be a child", she said, following him and tripping on her long gown. Damn it!

"You ok?", asked Rúben, kneeling down to check on her.

"Yeah, just twisted my ankle. But I'll be fine".

"Here. Let me help".

She took his hand and let him pull her up and closer to him than she had been in a very long time. They both were thinking the same. It was clear in the way they looked at each other.

A camera flash woke them up from their daydreaming.

"Fuck! Great!", said Mariana, separating herself from Rúben.

"Do you need help? To go back to your people?"

"No, thank you. I'm fine. You enjoy your night".

And she ran to where she thought Felix would be, but couldn't find him at first. Her panic kept rising but Amelia found her to save the day once again.

"You ok?"

"No. Can we go?"

"Of course. You've done the red carpet already and talked to reporters. Let's go find a car".

Once they were back in their comfortable pyjamas, Amelia made them some hot chocolate and they sat down on the bed to talk.

"I'm sorry I cut the night short, Ames. I know you wanted to experience this kind of event but seeing him…".

"Hey, I get it", she told her, holding her hand. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know. We hadn't really seen each other since our break up and…I just, I…having him so close and talking to him, it felt so natural. But then we were already getting annoyed at each other. It confused me".

"He was your first love. It's understandable".

Rúben wasn't just her first love. He was her only love.

"I just hope I don't see him again while I'm here. I don't need this".

"I'll get him banned from all of the places we go to", said Amelia, trying to make her friend laugh and achieving it.

"It should be fine. No more events. Just work and then we go back to LA".

"Yes", agreed Amelia. "Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"

"Please".

The next morning, Mariana woke up determined to not let her encounter with Rúben affect her.

"Morning Fifi", she said to Felix, joining him at his table for breakfast.

"You are in a good mood", he said, like it was a bad thing.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Have you checked your social media?", he asked.

"No, why?"

She had actually avoided her phone last night. It wouldn't have been the first time she felt vulnerable and went to Rúben's Instagram to check what he was up to. Seeing him moving on with his life both helped her move on with her own and made her hurt. It depended on the day.

"See it for yourself", he said, giving her his iPad.

There he had collected all the articles about her and Rúben. The photo featured in all of them was of them holding hands and looking into each other's eyes. She couldn't deny they looked like a couple.

The headlines and articles weren't much better. All of them wondered if her being in Manchester had anything to do with him, if they had decided to give their relationship a second chance.

The hardest part was seeing all the old photos they posted. All of those photos from their happy times together. She had those photos saved and looked at them sometimes, remembering the good times. They actually tended to lift her spirit but they did the exact opposite this time.

What would be Rúben's reaction to all of this? Would he care? He seemed upset at her for being bothered by what people could think but would he just brush it off and move on? She wished she could ask him. But asked Felix instead.

"What do Rúben's people think of this?"

"I still haven't been able to talk to them", he told her, disappointing her. "Are you ok?"

"No", she said, laughing sadly. "But I will be. People will forget in a couple of weeks like they did the last time, right?"

"We can hope. Besides, you're back to filming soon and can concentrate on that".

"Yes", she said with a smile. "I'll do that".

For the next couple of days, Mariana concentrated on work. She and her co-lead had decided to do some rehearsals on their own. It was great to finally work with someone who took his job as seriously as she did. And that allowed her to forget about Rúben for a couple of hours every day. Until she had to go back to the hotel and ask Amelia to stay with her and take her phone. She was so tempted to contact Rúben. Felix told her his publicists kept ignoring his calls and emails and she didn't know what to think of that. Did he not care at all? Did he not care about her being hurt by this situation? She wondered about how he was dealing with it all the time.

"Hear me out", said Felix when he got to her trailer where she was going through her lines.

"Nothing good has ever come out of your mouth after saying that. Plus, we are in a public place and you know I can't make a scene. So rip the band-aid quickly so I can refuse your idea just as quickly and we move on".

"You need to fake date Rúben".

Out of all the things he had ever said, that was the craziest one yet.

"I'm sorry. Are you on drugs?"

"I've tried to keep you away from all of it, but everyone is going crazy over your photos together. Your name has never been mentioned in the press this much and his social media engagement has gone crazy. And his publicists need the good press. He's been single for too long and that leads to rumours they don't like. A serious boyfriend image gets contracts more easily. You know how it works".

"No, you're actually high. I'll get someone to get a cup you can pee in and test it".

"Mariana, come on. It wouldn't be your first rodeo".

And that hurt more than the suggestion of this publicity stunt with Rúben. Yes, she had done the same with her last two co-protagonists. Everyone in Hollywood did it. But this was different.

"It's not the same. I dated Rúben for two years and it was very real. I can't act when it comes to him. I'm not a sociopath", she said, fighting the tears.

"I know it would be hard for you. It wasn't my idea, you know?"

"Whose idea was it?"

"Rúben's PR people".

Why would they want that? Didn't people just assume football players slept around? Wouldn't they prefer for him to be single so a potential cheating scandal could be avoided? It made no sense.

"What would I get from that? He's the one who wins in this situation but what about me? He isn't even famous in America and that's my main market".

"All fair points", conceded Felix. "But you really wanted to get that role in the next movie by your favourite Portuguese director and this would help. You’ve been away for so long, people don’t even see you as Portuguese anymore but he represents the national team in soccer".

"Football", she corrected him but Felix ignored her.

"And I've already gotten requests from many magazines asking to feature you both if you are back together. Do you know how hard it was to get one photo of you in British Vogue? And now I have all these Portuguese magazines asking to have you on their covers".

If it was someone else, she would have said yes. She hadn't been interested in dating ever since her break up with Rúben anyways.

"Can I think about it?", she asked.

"Talk to him".

“I don’t…I can't”.

“Talk to him”.

But she wasn't sure that was going to help.

After much debating and getting Amelia's advice, Mariana decided to talk to Rúben. She needed to know if this was as crazy of an idea for him as it was for her. It had to be. He would have never accepted something like this before and she doubted he had changed that much in these two years.

Many meeting spots were out of the equation because of how public they were. And so was Rúben's apartment. Paparazzi had been there ready to get a photo of the two of them for days. So they met at one of his teammate's houses.

"So, what do you think?", she asked.

"I don't know. When I was first told about it, I wanted to tell them to fuck off but they made good points, I guess".

"That's why we hired them. They make crazy ideas sound slightly logical", she said with a small laugh.

"I guess. Um…so what do you think of all of it?"

"I mean, the decision is yours, Rúben. I have so much work between filming and castings. I don't have time to date anyways, so there's no risk of meeting someone. But if you did and this got in your way, I'd feel so bad and…".

"What do you mean not having time for dating?", he interrupted her. "You were dating those actors you worked with. So there is time for that".

When she looked up at him, she realized how quickly he understood what her look meant.

"It was also fake".

She nodded.

"So you haven't been with anyone else since we broke up?", he asked.

"No. I mean, I've been with men but…nothing serious. You?"

"Same".

And there was something about that admission that made both of them feel relieved.

"So, are we doing this?", asked Rúben.

"If we do it’s with one condition. Non-negotiable".

"What?"

"We don't lie to our parents", she said. "I loved your parents and mine loved you. I can't lie to them about this. Give them…hope, you know?"

"We'll disappoint them instead, then?"

"Better than lying to them", she said, seriously. It really was her only condition.

"Deal", he said, offering his hand for her to shake. And that's how they embarked on what could be their best idea…or the worst.

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