#my ex; some friends; and a family member of mine are all addicts | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

bonesloveeverandemilyanddavid · 2 years

Text

Emily Deschanel doesn’t know why Hollywood has continued to tap her to play doctors, but she’s not about to start protesting now.

“I don’t know what screams ‘science’ about me, but I’ll take it,” she tells The Daily Beast’s Obsessed over Zoom with a laugh. “When I got the part on Bones, a friend of mine said, ‘Oh my gosh, that must be your dream role,’ knowing how much I loved learning about forensic science. … Science was my favorite subject when I was a kid, so I’m not going to argue with it. I enjoy it too.”

More than five years after wrapping up her 12-season run as forensic anthropologist Dr. Temperance Brennan on the beloved Fox procedural drama Bones, Deschanel has returned to television in Netflix’s Devil in Ohio, playing a hospital psychiatrist whose world is thrown into disarray when she decides to shelter a troubled teen escaping a satanic cult.

The role is a departure from the crime/procedural genre that has defined most of Deschanel’s career, which, after Bones, has included a guest spot as Nathan Fillion’s ex-wife in ABC’s The Rookie and a 12-episode arc as a recovering drug addict in TNT’s Animal Kingdom.

For Deschanel, things have a funny way of coming full circle. She first met Daria Polatin—the author, creator and showrunner of Devil in Ohio—in the mid-90s, when they were both studying acting at Boston University. They kept in touch after graduation but eventually lost contact, even if they continued to keep tabs on each other’s work from afar.

So when she was pitched the idea of starring in an eight-episode adaptation of Devil in Ohio last summer, Deschanel was intrigued both by the prospect of reuniting with her former college classmate and exploring what would compel her character, Dr. Suzanne Mathis, to commit “a huge ethical breach” with a patient named Mae (Madeleine Arthur) that puts the rest of her family at risk.

Margaret Qualley Is Phenomenal in Netflix’s ‘Maid’THE DAILY BEAST’S OBSESSEDKevin Fallon

“Suzanne has some things that happened in her past that make her more susceptible to wanting to save someone like Mae,” Deschanel explains. “I think investigating where Mae comes from all stems from Suzanne’s past and trauma that she experienced herself, and the fact that she never fully dealt with what she experienced. … It’s almost as if Suzanne is trying to save herself through Mae, save her younger self from what she [had once] experienced.”

Deschanel was always one of Polatin’s first picks to bring Suzanne to life. “Emily has incredible emotional and intellectual intelligence that she brings to her roles, in addition to warmth and depth,” Polatin says. “The character of Suzanne is a doctor, a mother, a daughter and a survivor. Emily’s talent and range as an actor allows her to be all these parts of Suzanne.”

Polatin, whose other screenwriting credits include Jack Ryan and Heels, first began working on Devil in Ohio eight years ago, after hearing the true story of a psychiatrist in the Buckeye State who once took in a devil-worshiping teen. “I was fascinated by the idea of someone trying to escape a cult,” says the author-turned-showrunner. “I also love the dynamics of micro-communities. How do other people influence the way we talk, dress, think? And when you’ve grown up in an insular community, can you ever escape your past?”

The insulated nature of Mae’s upbringing was of particular interest to Deschanel, who quips that she has “watched every documentary about cults” that she can find, because she finds the psychology of these groups “really fascinating.” For the show, Polatin and her writers’ room used countless hours of research to create their own cult—down to inventing their history and ideology—and even wrote a manifesto to give to their heads of department.

Even as a self-proclaimed skeptic who doesn’t believe in the devil, Deschanel couldn’t help but feel “creeped out a little bit on set.” The fictional cult is unique because “they don’t have to recruit new members,” she explains. “They just breed them. They just birth new members, so it makes it harder to get information on those types of cults … because they’re less integrated into our daily lives, even less than other cults. They really keep to themselves; they don’t have that outside interaction.”

Regular viewers of Deschanel’s work might notice that some mannerisms have carried over to her performance in Devil in Ohio from certain past characters. For instance, when her character says something assertive in a professional setting (à la Bones’ Dr. Brennan), she will often tip her head slightly to the left with big eyes, almost daring her counterpart to disagree with her in a non-combative way.

While she concedes that Dr. Mathis shares a few professional similarities with Dr. Brennan, Deschanel says she elected to play the former because she felt “different enough” from the latter. “Once you do one character that you’re known for, you’re going to be thought of in that way. I think there are probably actors who want to be considered as doctors and people don’t think of them as doctors, and now I want people to think of me as [something] different than a doctor.”

Nevertheless, in conversation, Deschanel lights up at the first mention of Bones, which she lovingly describes as “the show that launched a thousand friendships.”

For 12 years, the actress played television’s favorite forensic anthropologist, who teams up with FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth (David Boreanaz) to help the Bureau investigate homicides by identifying too-far-gone human remains. With her literal, empirical view of the world complementing his deeply emotive, instinctive nature, Brennan and Booth became one of television’s all-time slow-burn romantic couples—so much so that the actors playing them worked with an acting coach every weekend for the first six seasons to develop the characters’ will-they-or-won’t-they dynamic.

“I miss him so much. I text with him here and there, and it’s been a while since I’ve seen him.”

Deschanel thinks mutual respect on and off the screen was the key to building her partnership with Boreanaz, who taught her the importance of setting a tone on set as the lead of a show. “He always treated me as an equal. He was a big star [on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel], and I was coming from some indie films when we started doing the show, [but] he always treated me as if we were coming from the same place and with great respect, and we built a great friendship over time,” she says. “I miss him so much. I text with him here and there, and it’s been a while since I’ve seen him.”

What does she miss most about working with Boreanaz? “Our inside jokes,” Deschanel says before exclusively revealing one of their many inside jokes to The Daily Beast’s Obsessed. “He’d put a coffee stirrer inside the foam of the interrogation room,” she recalls with a laugh, “so that was always forever known as ‘coffee corner.’ There are just different things that are just really hard to translate … but I guess [I miss] laughing with him on set and him making fun of me maybe. I enjoyed it all.”

Apart from Boreanaz, Deschanel says she is still “texting with different Bones people every week.” She is still close with Michaela Conlin and Tamara Taylor (“We did some amazing cocktail Zooms during the pandemic, and we’re trying to get together,” she reveals with a smile), and recently caught up with a few of the actors who played a rotating group of interns at the fictional Jeffersonian Institute (Pej Vahdat, Eugene Byrd, Carla Gallo, Ignacio Serricchio). The former castmates continue to marvel at how Bones has, in the 17 years since the series premiere, inspired a generation of young women (and men!) to pursue a career in science.

“With Brennan, I never thought [the show] would last as long as it did,” Deschanel admits. “[But] I thought hard about what characters I was putting into people’s living rooms, and I thought about how young girls would be watching it. And being a feminist and always wanting to inspire girls, I loved the fact that the character was in STEM, was unapologetically a genius, and made more money than the men in her life and wasn’t going to bat an eyelash about it.”

Going forward, Deschanel’s professional plans are simple: She wants to tackle projects that will make audiences see her in a new light. “I’d love to do a comedy or two,” she says with a hearty laugh, “and play characters that are really different … so I’m not necessarily looking for anything in particular.”

(When asked if she would like to appear in Yellowjackets opposite her good friend Melanie Lynskey, whom she met on the set of Stephen King’s Rose Red, Deschanel hardly misses a beat: “I would love to work with Melanie! I’m just so excited for her, and it just feels like such a long time coming [that] people are really recognizing her talent. That makes me teary-eyed to think about.”)

Having also worked as a producer and director on Bones, Deschanel says she has been using those experiences to develop projects behind the camera—even if, she admits, producing takes a long time. “Without getting into specifics, a project that I’m trying to get off the ground is a story about a group of women fighting for freedom,” she adds. “I think there’s always going to be a feminist slant to things that I’m attracted to as well.”

https://www.thedailybeast.com/obsessed/spielbergs-the-fabelmans-is-a-sappy-ode-to-the-magic-of-cinema?ref=scroll

11 notes · View notes

elytrafemme · 2 years

Note

hey, idk if this is a weird and/or insensitive thing to ask, but i have a character in one of my stories who is an alcoholic, and i was wondering if you had any tips for writing alcoholism? because i feel that i don't have enough experience to write something like this realistically, or respectfully yet, but it's too important a character trait to scrap. i've been watching some interviews with ex-alcoholics and stuff like that, but i still don't feel entirely confident and your cs!tubbo characterization is a big inspiration to me. obviously, there's no need to answer, and sorry for the bother ^^;;

MASSIVE WARNING FOR ALCOHOL TALK IN THIS ASK RESPONSE!

edited warning again to note that this should all be taken with a grain of salt, and i apologize if i worded anything carelessly, innacurately, or disrespectfully

i think this is a good question! one thing i would like to make EXPRESSLY clear before i go into this though is that i do not, firsthand, have experience with an alcohol addiction. i have experiences being in close relationships of varying kinds with addicts in general, several of which being alcoholics specifically, but i am not, myself, an alcoholic. i do have what i would personally consider an addictive personality, but am not addicted to any substance in particular.

i just need to emphasize this because i think (1) what you're doing with research and those interviews is a valuable aid to this and (2) i may not be the best person to ask.

that being said i'll give some advice i've used but take it all with a grain of salt. people can absolutely feel free to add on

my main tip that seems obvious but does get often neglected is to make sure that you understand who the character is before you factor in the addiction. from what i understand of it, responses to substances can cause general cognitive responses and impairment, but can also impact the moods of the person. a person's moods, however, can be based off of who they are as a person. a hotheaded person will tend to be more angry in response to things rather than sad, etc. i explained that messily but i hope that makes sense.

it's also important in the regard that alcoholics are people and have no inherent morality attached to them because of alcohol. there's no good or bad alcoholics, and you can write a good person who happens to be an alcoholic and a bad person who happens to be an alcoholic and the emphasis there is the person rather than the drink.

with cough syrup for example (though that's absolutely NOT the best example of this, also i have a personally convoluted perspective on people's inherent moralities that i've set aside here so bear with), cs!schlatt is a good person at his core, with some solid morals, but was also an asshole who didn't have a lot of his values in the right place and would hurt people with some of his ideals. there's a lot to that inherently, but the alcoholism layers over that, and exasterbates those issues, rather than just Inherently Making Him Bad. cs!tubbo, due to having different personality traits, therefore is different. basically, like, alcohol response builds off of the character traits already there, but it doesn't assign morality.

moreover i think it's important to consider why the person began drinking because i think that definitely impacts it as well. were they a casual drinker that took it too far? are they self medicating? is it a form of deliberate self destruction? does addiction run in the family? did they have alcoholic friends? most likely it'll be several of these but it definitely is going to impact the character's thoughts on their own alcoholism.

for example if a character's whole family line drinks and they took it up to self medicate as well, they may view drinking as this necessary piece of their life and have a lot of rage towards it. wanting to quit but not knowing how. versus if someone picked it up with the intention to harm themselves with it, they may not want to quit it. or vis versa. neither is a 'bad answer' or 'option', but it impacts how they handle it narratively.

basically, the way that alcoholism affects a character is reliant on who the character inherently is, because alcohol cannot assign morality or give people personality traits; it amplifies moods which can then shift those traits in certain ways or cause people to act in bad ways, but it doesn't inherently define a good or bad person or define the person at all.

the way that alcoholism gets involved in that person's life impacts their view on it.

this is long so i'll call it here, but what i will say is once again: TAKE THIS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT, AND I APOLOGIZE IF I WORDED ANYTHING INARTICULATELY OR IRRESPONSIBLY.

also, if you want any tips on writing characters responding to another alcoholic character, i do have direct experience interacting w various alcoholic friends and partners so i could maybe speak to that (albeit it's closer to home so i'm not always the best expressing it in writing so much as just understandiing it)

#nightmare.ask #alcohol tw #alcoholism tw #addiction tw #ASK TO TAG #AGAIN. PLEASE HEAD MY WARNINGS. I'M NOT AN EXPERT.#i have done research into addiction and whatnot #my ex; some friends; and a family member of mine are all addicts #so those are very different kinds of relationships i have with that #and could probably speak on that a bit better

1 note · View note

turnaboutyandere · 3 years

Note

YALL I LOVED THE COP MEETING THATS DOPE AF ✨🦊✨- Wocky Anon seal of approval

So here are some potential darling meet ups, and a little backstory (so sorry that it’s this long 😅😅)

Eldoon’s daughter back from college

-Eldoon’s college age daughter comes home for a break and runs into Wocky, still raw from the whole trial. Unlike her age-wisened father, y/n is far more naive and sweet, and her kindness is an addictive balm to Wocky still fresh emotional wounds. She’s eager to help her new friend cope with his trauma unaware that he’s beginning to latch on to her. He uses her kindness and easily manipulated personality to try to get her to stay with him rather than go back to college.

Part of Apollo’s team during the trial

-Wright Anything Agency had a single young secretary to help schedule Trucy’s shows and Nick’s job. During the trial, she tried to help Wocky see that Alita was taking advantage of him. After the trial, he starts trying to make it up her kindness and gets VERY attached; showing up to the agency, following her and Apollo/Trucy to trials and investigations, etc. She and the rest of Wright Co. think Wocky is hanging around because he wants to be friends, not aware that he’s gunning to woo the secretary

Meraktis’s Daughter trying to make peace

-Meraktis’s estranged daughter who hasn’t been home in years comes to settle his will and wants to make up what her father’s negligence has done to Wocky and the rest of the Kitaki Clan. With her help they find a surgeon to do the needed operation, and Wocky sees her as an angel swooping in to save him. She stuck around after his surgery, still feeling guilty about her father’s actions, and Wocky uses this guilt to keep her around him.

Alita’s sister to help settle her affairs

-Alita’s step sister comes to help settle her shit after her arrest and during her trial. She is extremely different from Alita from how she presents herself and how she acts, and openly admonishes her step sister’s actions and feels terrible for how Alita treated Wocky. Wocky wants to hate her but they bond over their mutual betrayal from Alita, and Wocky falls for another Talia girl because he’s desperate for healing

Works at Wonder bar with Trucy

-A singer who works at the Wonder Bar with Trucy catches Wocky’s eye when he goes to watch Trucy’s act after Apollo invited him. He starts showing up more and more to her performances and uses his connection to Apollo to introduce himself and befriend her (and hopefully seduce her)

Detective helping the Kitakis

-someone broke into the Kitaki Bakery in the middle of the night and a fresh face detective is assigned to find the intruder and why. Rather than assume the worse of the Kitaki’s, the way many do, she’s open and understanding. Post-surgery and calmed down Wocky who is trying to stick to being a good reformed baker is very taken by the very understanding detective and is more than willing to help her investigation. Even when the case is solved, she still visits often and Wocky is very pleased that a law enforcer is intrigued by an ex-mobster (corruption link anyone?)

Rivales member trying to reform

-the Kitaki’s aren’t the only mobsters trying to reform their lives. A member of the gang the shot Wocky, the Rivales, wants to quit the crime life and go straight. However, the only place she feels like would be safe for her to go is the Kitaki’s, as she’s trying to hide from her old gang. Wocky is kinda a bully to her at first since her gang played a part in him getting shot and sort of started his whole bullshit with Alita; but the new girl is wide eyed and desperate for a chance at redemption and Wocky is more than willing to play into her guilty conscious to not only keep her loyal to his family but to also keep her on the straight and narrow. Anything for a second chance, right?

And for fun! I headcannon that “Wocky” is actually a nickname. His full name is Takita Kitaki (his name in the original Japanese translation), but he goes by Wocky to distinguish himself from the rest of his family and because no teachers in America could say his name right the first try and it annoyed him to hell and back.

XOXO- Wocky anon

😭 I GOT THE WOCKY ANON SEAL OF APPROVAL THAT’S ALL I’VE EVER WANTED IN LIFE-

Ahem, anyway- I think all of these are pretty solid! I think my favorites have got to be Eldoon’s daughter s/o and Wonder Bar singer s/o.

I’ve never been a fan of the “college sweetheart and bad boy” trope before but after reading this... Wocky Anon, you may have just changed my mind! Making the story yandere-themed and adding Wocky to the mix is a recipe for perfection! It honestly sounds like it’d be a really fun read!

As for the Wonder Bar singer s/o one- HOLY HELL YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD WITH THIS ONE. I absolutely adore this trope. I love those stories where the mobster falls for the down-on-their-luck singer at some bar, especially if it’s yandere-themed! I don’t care how overdone it is at this point, it will always remain a favorite of mine.

I also really like the Detective s/o one because I’m a slut for really into those criminal x law enforcement stories. I know Wocky is supposed to be reformed in this, but like... Detective x Yakuza leader (oyabun, I think it was called) could be the set-up for a great yandere fic (which I could never write because I don’t have the skill for it but uh, Wocky Anon 👀)

Overall, I’d say all of these ideas are great! You’ve a real knack for writing stories, Wocky Anon.

(also, I am now accepting that headcanon as canon. It’s too late, there’s nothing you can do about it. It’s canon now.)

______

- Mod Dollie

#wocky anon #letters to the mod #i love how wocky is a clingy little shit in all of these

3 notes · View notes

purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1252

A - Appearance.

What are you wearing? I have a gray turtleneck and brown shorts at the moment.

What are on your feet right now? I never wear anything for my feet when I’m at home.

What color are your fingernails? I say this a lot on surveys but mine are never painted. Nothing against them, I’ve just never felt the need to spend on something like my nails.

What does your hair look like right now? I have apple hair at the moment to temporarily get rid of my bangs, which I am more than sick of at this point.

B - Best Friend

Who is your best friend? Angela and Andi.

What was the last thing you two did together? The last time I saw Angela we went to the BTS pop-up store. I haven’t seen Andi since January, but when we hung out that evening we just had Korean barbecue and we also parked somewhere in UP to just talk about life in my car. My breakup had been fresh at the time and back then I just needed someone to whom I could vent.

What is (s)he doing right now? I’m sure Andi’s doing something with Leigh, maybe having a video call or something since I think they tend to have one every evening. I’m not sure what Angela’s up to but considering her replies have been a bit slow tonight, I guess she’s somewhat busy at home.

Are you talking to her/him online right now? Angela just replied to something I sent her around 15 minutes ago but the exchange wasn’t meant to be a full-blown conversation, if that’s what you mean.

C - Crush.

Who is (s)he? Eh, I don’t have a crush these days; too obsessed with work to figure out what I find attractive lmaooooo. I do have a main celebrity crush and I might just cite them instead so that I can at least fill this section out.

What does (s)he look like? Curly hair; mismatched eyes; moles underneath his right eye, on his nose, and on his lower lip, and the widest smile I’ve seen on any person.

What was the last thing you two talked about? He’s a celebrity crush...

Does (s)he make you smile? Yes.

D - Dad

What’s your dad’s name? Edgardo.

What does he do for a living? He’s an executive chef for a luxury liner company. He hasn’t worked in a year and a half due to the pandemic and has stayed in the country this whole time, but we’ve *very* recently been informed that he can go back abroad in around two weeks! Of course it will suck letting go of him again after having him back for such a long time, but I’m just glad the family can finally be on track again, financially speaking. It had been something I’ve been worrying silently about.

What was the last thing you two did together? Had dinner last night, but we did that with the whole family too. We don’t really do things that’s just the two of us.

Do you get along better with him than your mother? Yes.

E - Ebay.

Have you ever bought anything from ebay? No. I’m not sure we have eBay here anyway.

Do you just shop around when you’re online? I don’t really shop ‘around.’ I usually have an idea of what I want to get myself, and it’s just a matter of finding the right shop from which to buy.

Do you know anybody who is addicted to it? I know a couple of co-workers who love shopping, like Gabi.

Have you ever sold anything on it? I’ve never tried selling, but I’m actually in the middle of doing something for the very first time – I’ve decided to get into trading! I got my BTS Butter album yesterday but didn’t get to pull the photocard I was vying for – the pull I got, though, was of the most popular member, which means it would be a very easy trade. I put the trade offer up the other day and I finally got a match yesterday.

F - Facebook.

When was the last time you logged on? Like five minutes ago. I constantly check it.

How many friends do you have? Just checked and it says I have 686. I wanna get rid like half of them though.

Do you hate when your facebook chat messes up? Hmm, that doesn’t really happen.

Who was the last person to leave you a wall post? Angela.

G - Google.

Do you Google everything? Yeah, I think I look up a random item or phrase at least once a day. Doesn’t hurt to learn a new thing each day. :)

What was the last thing you Googled? The K-Pop group g.o.d., since my teacher mentioned them in our Korean lessons earlier.

Would you ever trade Google in for Bing? No, I haven’t used Bing in like 12 years.

What do you Google the most? Synonyms, I think, since I’m constantly writing for work.

H - Hair.

Do you like your hair? It’s a love-hate relationship most days because I hate how thick and frizzy it can be...but I recently had mine trimmed all the way up to my neck and for some reason it’s taken on a wavy form, which I didn’t expect to come out at all. And I’ve found that it actually suits me quite a bit, so I’m enjoying my hair for now.

What color is your hair? Black.

What does it look like right now? Slightly damp since I took a shower not too long ago.

What kind of shampoo for you use? Just a normal Dove one.

I - Ibuprofen

When was the last time you took ibuprofen? I don’t think I’ve ever taken it? I usually take paracetamol...idrk the difference either. Do you rely on it for everything (cramps, headache)? I only ever take medicine for headaches/migraines.

Are you so thankful people made it? I mean sure, I’m glad there are those who have been able to create products that can instantly relieve pain or discomfort, but I’m not obsessively grateful.

Do you have any right now? I don’t think we have any.

J - Jobs.

Do you need a job? Nah, I already have one.

Where do you work? Media/PR industry.

Where would you work? I wouldn’t change jobs/industries. This is where I wanted to end up in, and I’m really really glad and fortunate to have landed here on my first shot, right out of college, and during a pendemic.

How much money would you like to get paid? An additional P5k (~$100) would probably be more satisfying, but considering my parents aren’t the traditional Filipino parents who suck 100% of my earnings right out of me the second payday comes, I’m able to enjoy a substantial chunk of money to myself, give them a portion of my earnings, and still be able to save.

K - Kissing.

Who was the last person you kissed? That would be my ex.

Will you next kiss be a mistake? I have no idea when that would be and with whom it will be shared, so I won’t be able to give you a definite answer.

Do you kiss someone everyday? Other than my dogs, nah.

Who was your first kiss? The aforementioned ex.

L - Love.

Who do you love the most in your life? My best friends. I’m also doing a whole lot better in the self-love department these days, so that too :)

Have you ever been in love before? Yeah.

Does it make you so happy when you feel the feeling of love? Sure. It feels light and comfortable, especially when it’s shared.

Why is this word so hard to describe? Because everyone feels love differently. < There we go.

M - Mom.

What is your mom’s name? Abigail.

What is she doing right now? She was watching The Good Doctor the last time I checked on her like five minutes ago. It’s her latest obsession.

Where does she work? She works in the food and beverage department of a 5-star hotel in the city.

Do you two shop together a lot? I rarely do my shopping with either of my parents.

N - Netflix.

Do you have Netflix? Technically, I guess. My dad pays for it and we have a family account.

If not, what movies would you order? I don’t think I’ve ever ordered a movie before. Before streaming on Netflix, I just used to get illegal torrents lol.

Do you rent a lot of movies? I’ve never rented a movie. Was too young for it, I think.

Do you have the tool where it just downloads to your tv? No.

O - Ohio.

Is this the state in which you live in? I don’t even live in the US. Never been there either. < Same.

Is Ohio State your favorite football team? I don’t like football.

Did you know Ohio Is For Lovers? I’m not familiar.

Have you ever been to Ohio? See first answer in this section.

Q - Quitting.

What was the last thing you quit doing? Practicing on Duolingo. I had an extremely short period of using the app again a couple of months ago, but I lasted all of two days hahaha I had been trying to get back on learning Korean, but I enrolled in official lessons not long after that anyway so it didn’t make sense to continue the stages in the app.

Do you need to quit talking to someone right now? Nope. The people I’m talking to right now in between this survey are all welcome conversations.

Would you ever quit school? That wasn’t an option for me and I never would’ve done it anyway.

Don’t you think quitting is stupid? No. Sometimes it can be the strongest thing you can do for yourself.

R - Reading.

What was the last book you read? Does my Korean lesson textbook count hahaha...if not, I haven’t really read anything in years.

Do you own a lot of books? I do, but they are all books from my childhood and teenage years. It’s been a while since I last updated my bookshelf.

Do you have a library card? No, haven’t had one since Grade 1.

Have you ever read a book that changed your life? Without Seeing the Dawn was pretty influential to me, but I dunno about ‘life-changing.’ I need to read more to find the book that would have that effect on me.

S - Safety.

Do you always wear your seat belt? I do these days. I didn’t really practice it when I used to drive to school, whoops. Always forgot to do it.

When riding a four-wheeler do you wear a helmet? I rarely get to do that.

Did you ever wear knee pads and a helmet when riding your bike? Nah. I can’t ride a bike either. Do you always think safety first? In COVID terms, yeah. I have a face mask and shield on as soon as I find myself outdoors.

T - Talk

Who was the last person you talked to? Reena. Who are you talking to right now? Nobody. It’s just me, this survey, and some music in the background.

Who did you last talk to before you went to bed last night? Angela and Reena, if I’m not mistaken.

Do you need to talk to anybody right now? No, I’m good.

U - US ARMY

Do you support it? I don’t know enough about it to have a bold opinion, considering I’m not even from the US and it’s been a while since their army has had any strong contact with my country.

Do you know anybody who is in the army right now? I think one of Angela’s uncles has a high position in our national army.

Don’t you ever wonder why their camo doesn’t match anything? Not really.

Would you ever go to the army? No.

V - Virgin.

Are you a virgin? Nope.

When did you lose your virginity? I was 18.

Do you wish you would’ve waited? Nah, it felt right when I did it the first time; and I maintain that stance now even though I’m no longer with that person.

Do you think you could have stayed a virgin until marriage? I could. Sex isn’t a big deal to me.

W - What.

What are you doing right now besides this survey? I’m also listening to mono. and taking bites from my doughnut every now and then.

What are you craving? Spicy tuna salad, but it can wait. Andi got me my favorite truffle baked macaroni because it’s CM Punk day today :D :D and that’s able to satisfy my savory cravings for now.

What do you need to buy? Shelves.

Why are you taking my survey? I’ve mentioned this before but I like categorized/themed surveys, so alphabetical ones are always fun for me.

X -Xanax

Do you know anybody who is addicted to Xanax? I don’t think so.

Have you ever taken it before? No.

Do you even know what it is? No, actually.

Have you ever suffered from anxiety or depression? I’m sure I have.

Y - Yourself.

Name. Robyn.

Age. 23.

Do you smile a lot? Sure, I’d say that’s common these days.

Z - Zebra.

Are you addicted to zebra striped? Not really.

Do you own anything zebra striped? Nah. I have some stuff that come in black and white stripes, but not zebra print. Is anything on any of your websites zebra striped? No.

#survey #surveys

1 note · View note

surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #343

“i slither like a viper and get you by the neck / i know a thousand ways to help you forget about her”

What's your favorite kind of bear? I don't really know. I just like bears. Have you ever sent a FWD because you were afraid? Ha, yup, as a little kid. Would you ever date more than one person at a time? Nooooo sir. Have you ever rebounded... or been someone's rebound? No. What’s the biggest argument you’ve ever had with a family member? Did things ever go back to how they were beforehand? My grandmother cursed me the fuuuuck out one night as a kid because I was in a mood and didn't tell my mother goodnight. I still remember being called an ungrateful bitch with her like an inch from my face, and admittedly, I was being rude because I wanted to go home, but it kinda scarred me for life. For the remainder of her life, I was always sort of on edge around her and was convinced she didn't like me. Have you ever experienced some kind of natural disaster? I've been through lots of hurricanes. None that massively affected my life, though. If you have pets, do you feed them human food or do they just get regular pet food? If they do get human food, what’s their favorite thing to have? Venus is a snake, so she obviously doesn't get food meant for humans. Roman is very well-trained to not beg or make a move for people's food; he tried once as a kitten, and giving him a pop taught him right away. Have you ever been in a physical fight? Who won? No. What’s the mode of transport that you take or use the most? The car. Mom's, specifically. Have you ever had a zoo keeper experience or anything where you’ve been able to go behind the scenes and look after/feed the animals? No, but I wish. :( Would you ever want the responsibility of being a politician or a similar position of power? NOOOOOOO. What’s something your parents do that really annoys you? Mom is *always* right, pretty much indisputably. And she WILL have the last word. Dad, meanwhile, can be pretty rude to people. I don't think he realizes it half the time, but still. It's not an excuse. What is your main source of anxiety? Social interactions. What’s your favorite 90s cartoon? Pokemon. Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. I'd rather not. What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I've never tried sparkling water. What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I don't have a favorite, considering I don't wear it nearly enough and have never even bought my own. I just use whatever Mom buys. What are some female names you would name a baby? Alessandra is my favorite for sure. I also love Anneliese, Justine, Evelyn, Chloe, Evangeline, Quinn... There's a lot. What about male? Severin is my favorite, and I also like Damien, Vincent, Victor, and Luther. Do you have any subscription boxes? No. What fictional creature would you like as a pet? I want a dragon, goddammit. Idc if it can breathe fire ok I want a dragon. Ewoks are also the one and only thing I enjoy from Star Wars. What kind of dwelling do you live in? Just a one-story house. Is there anyone you work with that you don't get along with? Why? N/A Do you have an opinion on adopting/purchasing a pet? PLEASE adopt, especially with cats and dogs, given the number of strays. Purebreds tend to have so many underlying issues, and besides, it's just a LOT of money for an animal that probably wouldn't outlive a mutt. Don't feed the machine if you can. What's your favorite chain restaurant? The Cheesecake Factory or Olive Garden. Why were you last pulled over? I’ve never been pulled over before. What was the last thing you've done on the water? Just kinda swam around a bit in the ocean. It was so warm, totally like a bath. I do NOT miss that sun poisoning, though. Are you cool with swimming in a lake? I think I'd do it if someone invited me to, and the lake didn't look filthy, of course. Do you have a drone? No. What's your favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant? We have this tiny, local Mexican place that's really good. I don't know the name of it, and I wouldn't share it for obvious reasons. What do you order from there? Chips and salsa of course, along with a shrimp and cheese quesadilla, and finally their cheesy rice. What's your favorite ice-cream flavor? Depending on my mood, it bounces between vanilla with chocolate syrup or just plain chocolate. Do you have any t-shirts from any local businesses? No. Do you listen to any talk shows or podcasts? I used to listen to Mark, Bob, and Wade's podcast, but I'm like... ten months behind, haha. What's something someone calls you that you find endearing? I like "love" a lot. What's your favorite children's book? I loved books like The Rainbow Fish, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Stellaluna, 10 Minutes 'til Midnight, What Makes a Rainbow?, Chrysanthemum, etc. Is there a new season for a series you're excited to come out? Meerkat Manor comes back this summer, and I am fucking HYPED. How old are you? I'm 25. What is something unique you enjoy about the one you like/love? I tease her about it all the time, but it's really cute that she keeps all of her snakes' good sheds in her room. Proud reptile mom. Are you more liberal or conservative? I'm close to the middle, but I lean towards being more liberal, and I seem to go more that way with time. Do you watch American Horror Story? I used to. I saw the entire first season and really liked it, and then I almost finished the second, but I lost interest. The story got a bit stupid imo. I'd be willing to watch other seasons, though. Does your hometown have any urban legends/scary stories? None that I’m aware of. The people there are scary enough. What's the scariest nightmare you remember having? Let's not talk about it. Are you medicated? Uh very. Are there any apps you're addicted to? Nah. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? It was initially a bunny holding a polka-dotted blanket, then it become a moose I got from Cabela's when in Ohio. Do you still collect stuffed animals? Only meerkat ones. Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex? Haha I've worn Jason's pj pants before and they just kinda... became mine, lol. What's the last movie you watched at home? The Shining, I believe. What's the last movie you watched in theaters? The CGI remake of The Lion King. I still don't get why it was received so badly. Have you ever had eggs cooked over a campfire? I don't think so, no. If you do drink, what's your favorite alcoholic beverage? Margaritas, generally. However, Sara's dad made me this absofuckinglutely incredible chocolate drink before that tasted like a milkshake. It had like, no alcohol flavor, which worked out well for me considering I very much dislike that taste. Are there any songs you've been listening to repetitively lately? There's a new one every day lately, haha. Today it's Halocene's cover of "Love Bites (So Do I)." Cereal, granola, or oatmeal? Cereal. What TV shows did you grow up watching? You gotta gimme an age group... but I'd say the typical stuff for kids of that time. What does your phone case look like? It's just a boring purple that came with it. What were your favorite toys to play with as a child? I looooved playing with my "family" of a father crocodile, a mother deer, their two "children" (a fawn and smaller croc), and "friends" that were little Pokemon figurines. Then there was an evil t-rex with two stupid sidekicks, haha. I can't remember what dinosaurs they were. What's the most embarrassing thing you can ever remember doing? Hold on, lemme find my book. Do you remember what you dreamt about last night? I only very faintly recall dreaming about my cat Roman. Have you ever done anything embarrassing in a dream? Thank FUCK they're just dreams. Do you vape? Nah. What was a song you loved as a child? So uh. Apparently. I loved "Dookie" by Green Day. It's an undying story from Mom about how it came on once at a putt-putt place and I apparently started yelling "dookie!" and dancing. Do you enjoy the Arctic Monkeys? Yeah, I love some of their songs. Are you going to see Finding Dory? You bet your sweet ass I saw it. I've cried everytime I've watched it. Have you ever been horseback-riding? I have not, but I would love to. When was your last piercing? Whenever I got my tragus done, which I can't remember. What did your first crush look like? I don't remember my puppydog love first crush, but I can talk about my first REAL crush, Sebastian. He's a skinny dude with short, brown hair and a lip piercing... I can't remember which kind. He dressed in an emo style, and Facebook pictures at least suggest he still kind of does, I think. Is your body more curvy or flat? Well, I'm not at all skinny, so... What's your least favorite holiday? Probably Christopher Colombus Day, honestly. You didn't discover shit. Don't pretend to me it's worth celebrating in a clean conscience. if you’re having a boring day what do you usually do? If I'm rock-bottom bored, quite honestly, I normally nap, even though I know I shouldn't. Do you turn to food when you're upset? Ugh, I'm admittedly an emotional eater. I got way better about it, and then I started up again. Is your bf/gf good with your parents? I don't have an s/o. Do you think soda should be served at school? Vending machines are fine I suppose, as I don't believe they should be free seeing as they're nothing but sugar content, and I feel schools shouldn't just hand that out to kids at lunch or something. Do dogs have feelings? They sure do. Are you afraid of snakes? Oh no! I adore them. I respect snakes and am going to give wild ones their space for sure considering I don't recognize every native venomous one, but nevertheless, I'm not afraid of them. They are so vital to the ecosystem and are incredibly fascinating animals that deserve our protection. On that note, PLEASE do not kill any snake you come across in your shed or whatever. Call someone to relocate the terrified thing. Favorite snack? It depends on what I'm in the mood for, really. Ever seen The Notebook? Read the book, seen the movie plenty of times. Do you think cussing is trashy? No. Who is the most famous person you’ve met, if any? Nobody. Do you own any animals that aren’t domestic? No. Have you ever feared that you would lose a body part? No. Do you like gore? Yeah, generally. Do you like to drink water? Ugh, I really don't. I wish I did. Have you ever had a wax? I used to get my eyebrows waxed. Do you have any sets of matching bras and underwear? No. Are you any good at improv? Not at ALL.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''love bites (so do i)'' by halestorm

3 notes · View notes

mostlysignssomeportents · 4 years

Text

Pluralistic: 29 Feb 2020 (EFF dream-job, Medicare For All Bond Villain, Bloomberg's Sackler connection, Tory housing crisis and more!)

Today's links

EFF is hiring a new tech projects director: It's a once-in-a-lifetime dream job.

Bond villain monologue, Medicare for All edition: "No, Mr Bond, I expect you to sign a binding arbitration waiver."

FUCK TRUMP AND HIS STUPID FUCKING WALL: A 26% alcohol habanero spirit from Empirical Spirits.

Mike Bloomberg helped the Sacklers launder their reputations: Just helping out the "Friends of Mike."

Bernie Sanders is the only candidate with a climate plan as big as the climate crisis: No one ever asked how we'd pay for WWII.

Cutting the UK housing subsidy led to massive homelessness payouts: Tories are always swallowing spiders to catch their flies.

This day in history: 2012, 2016 (leap years!)

Colophon: Recent publications, current writing projects, upcoming appearances, current reading

EFF is hiring a new tech projects director (permalink)

There are lots of ways techies can help EFF – contributing code to our projects like Certbot, Privacy Badger and HTTPS Everywhere and/or joining up and writing a check. But right now, there's a rare chance to work directly to make profound change with us.

That's because EFF is hiring a Tech Projects Director.

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/02/eff-seeks-tech-projects-director-lead-awesome-technical-team-and-help-us-save

It's a huge gig, the kind of thing that only comes up once in a very long while. You don't just get to oversee the impressive roster of EFF projects, you also get to set future priorities.

"Some people join EFF having been burned by unfeeling tech companies or corporate law jobs, and coming to EFF can feel like coming home – a place where everyone genuinely wants you to be successful, where we do our best to leave drama at the door even as passion is welcomed."

I've been with the org for EIGHTEEN YEARS and this is so, so true.

Even if you're not right for this gig, keep checking in with our help wanted page.

https://www.eff.org/about/opportunities/jobs

We're growing fast, first because the world is severely messed up, and second because our member-donors recognize how well situated we are to make a difference and they're funding us to expand.

Bond villain monologue, Medicare for All edition (permalink)

We're all familiar with the Bond villain setup: "Mr. Bond, I see you've ingested my poison."

But what follows in Matt Haughey's "Monologuing" is a fabulous satirical take on the Medicare For All moment.

https://a.wholelottanothing.org/2020/02/28/monologuing/

"No, Mr Bond, I expect you to…"

Locate in-network doctors on our website

Cross-reference with the benefits PDF you were sent last month

Create a login

Verify your last three home addresses

(before the poison hits)

Call your doctor and agree to see a physician's assistant so you can get treatment in less than 3 week

Agree to a $100 urgent-care co-pay

Pay $1200 for the ambulance to the ER

"Do you expect me to talk?"

"No, I expect you to continue to wait on hold because your call is very important to us and may be monitored for quality assurance purposes."

FUCK TRUMP AND HIS STUPID FUCKING WALL (permalink)

"FUCK TRUMP AND HIS STUPID FUCKING WALL" is "a habanero spirit made from a base of pearled barley, Belgian saison yeast, and koji. The clear product is rectified with a habanero vinegar that gives it a 27% ABV. This imparts an intensely fruity habanero profile without any of the heat."

It actually sounds delicious.

https://us.empiricalspirits.co/products/fuck-trump-and-his-stupid-fucking-wall

It's $85 plus $35 S+H in the USA for 750ml.

Serving suggestion: "With red grapefruit juice, topped with sparkling water and cornichon as garnish"

I'm a little bummed that they take out the capsaicin, as I love spicy booze.

My current favorite is a spicy, sugar-free Old Fashioned:

2 shakes Hellfire bitters 2 shakes Angostura bitters 1 jigger decent bourbon Orange zest (wipe over rim, squeeze into glass, then drop in the drink) Serve over a whiskey rock in a lowball glass

Mike Bloomberg helped the Sacklers launder their reputations (permalink)

The Sackler family became some of the world's richest billionaires through the actions of the family business, Purdue Pharma, which committed a string of felonies as it conspired to addict the world to its killer opioid, Oxycontin. The company's bribery of doctors, scientific frauds, and corruption of its regulators allowed it to kickstart the opioid epidemic, which has so far claimed 200,000 US lives, more than were lost in Vietnam.

And yet, until very recently, the Sackler family was primarily known for its art philanthropy, firehosing its money and name over some of the world's most prominent art institutions. As the family's role in corporate mass murder came to light, artists demanded that institutions remove the Sackler name. It worked! Nan Goldin's stunt of showering the Guggenheim with Sackler opioid prescriptions was just one of many amazing actions.

https://www.newyorker.com/news/our-columnists/nan-goldin-leads-a-protest-at-the-guggenheim-against-the-sackler-family

The Louvre also removed every mention of the Sacklers from its spaces.

https://www.france24.com/en/20190721-sackler-name-removed-louvre-opioid-crisis-france?ref=tw_i

But you know who DIDN'T ditch the Sacklers as they were becoming social pariahs? Guess who expressed rock solid billionaire class solidarity with the poor, beleaguered plutes when their reputation laundry failed them?

Mike Bloomberg, of course!

As @propublica reports, when the Sacklers worried about their collapsing reputations, they knew who to turn to: the ex-mayor whose return to his news organization meant that reporters who chased billionaires were sidelined.

https://www.propublica.org/article/bloomberg-sacklers-opioid-crisis-public-relations

While Bloomberg had been mayor, his newsroom created a "billionaires team" that investigated the doings of the super-rich, including the "Friends of Mike" (FOMs) whom everyone understood to be untouchable under Bloomberg's management.

Upon his return, he heaped scorn upon these investigative reporters: "Why is that news? Why do we have to probe into that stuff?" Mike's return to the newsroom created "a culture of not wanting to upset billionaires."

So naturally the Sacklers turned to him! And Bloomberg obliged. After meeting with Mortimer Sackler, Bloomberg gave the Sacklers crisis communications advice and helped them his old mayoral press secretary, Stu Loeser. According to Bloomberg, Loeser was perfect because of his new communications company's "political instincts and deep connections."

Loeser went on to work with the Sacklers as they pushed out the story that opioid addiction was the fault of weak-willed criminal addicts, not corporate drug-pushers.

Loeser now works as a Bloomberg presidential campaign spokesman.

With Bloomberg's help, the Sacklers were able to continue to leverage their philanthropic donations to shore up their reputations, particularly by embarking on joint projects with Bloomberg Philanthropies. Bloomberg posed with Sackler heiresses at the opening of the Sackler Wing of London's Serpentine Gallery (which eventually took the Sackler name off the building), and then served as chair of the Serpentine Sackler Galleries.

His news organization ran multiple, glowing stories about the Sacklers' generosity, and continued to work closely with the Sackler families, even as they were committing a string of crimes.

For example, money laundry to the tune of billions.

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-purduepharma-bankruptcy/sacklers-reaped-up-to-13-billion-from-oxycontin-maker-u-s-states-say-idUSKBN1WJ19V

Fraudulent misrepresentations of the company's role in the opioid epidemic.

https://www.propublica.org/article/data-touted-by-oxycontin-maker-to-fight-lawsuits-doesnt-tell-the-whole-story#167506

And giving some of the weirdest, most risible, most terrible testimony in the history of corporate criminal depositions.

https://arstechnica.com/science/2019/02/sackler-behind-oxycontin-fraud-offered-twisted-mind-boggling-defense/

Just more Friends of Mike!

Bernie Sanders is the only candidate with a climate plan as big as the climate crisis (permalink)

The climate crisis is an existential threat to our species (and many other species besides). It turns out that Keynes was more prescient that we knew. He proposed that you could start an economy by paying half the unemployed to dig holes and the other half to fill them in. Instead, we spent more than a century subsidizing our ancestors to dig up fossil fuels and now we'll have to pay our descendants to spend 200-300 years getting all that carbon back into the ground.

If we don't, our civilization will collapse and our species may go extinct. There's no time for half-measures. That's why Bernie Sanders's version of the Green New Deal is such a big deal.

https://www.technologyreview.com/s/615292/bernie-sanders-has-an-audaciousand-hugely-expensiveclimate-plan/

He's the only leadership candidate whose plan actually confronts the scale of the crisis.

The $16T (yes, TRILLION) plan includes $2.5T to convert all US energy to renewables, "ending subsidies, mountaintop-removal coal mining, and the import and export of fossil fuels."

He'll also ask the DoJ to investigate criminal frauds committed by energy sector companies that spent millions to delay action on climate by pumping out disinformation along with their CO2.

The budget also includes $2T for a retrofit of our homes and workplaces, $1T to retrofit roads and other infrastructure.

There's $3.6T to convert the US's vehicles to electric, $85B for charging stations and $100B to improve electric car manufacture.

There's $900B for mass transit and high-speed rail, and $150B to improve emissions from aviation and marine transport.

In all, the plan creates "20 million jobs, while offering wage guarantees, job training, and other assistance to displaced energy workers."

As James Temple writes in MIT Tech Review, there are some odd quirks, like a rejection of carbon capture, but these are issues in the margin that administrative agencies staffed by independent experts (not corporate shills) might tweak.

But this is the plan we need. Remember, no one ever asked how we'd pay for WWII, and a Nazi victory would have merely put half the human race in mortal peril, while the climate crisis threatens us all, and without the hope of regime change down the road.

The purpose of the economy, the justification for markets, is that they promote human prosperity and progress. Scratching in flooded rubble for canned goods and drinking your own urine is not "progress." If our spreadsheets can't figure out how to allocate capital to heading off an extinction-level event, we need new spreadsheets. As our friends at Prager "University" like to remind us, "facts don't care about your feelings."

Cutting the UK housing subsidy led to massive homelessness payouts (permalink)

Margaret Thatcher sold off council houses to create more Tories, on the theory that home ownership made you a Conservative. But the end of council estates just meant that private landlords were able to gouge local governments for substandard housing for poor people. Predictably, this only worsened, with rents spiraling for poorly maintained, dangerous housing. Eventually, David Cameron got a genius idea: he'd cut how much money families could spend on private rent.

After all, this was much more politically feasible than ordering landlords to provide decent housing at a fair price. Landlords make campaign contributions and vote Tory, and a majority of Tory MPs are landlords themselves.

https://www.thelondoneconomic.com/news/corbyn-tried-pass-law-make-homes-safe-last-year-conservatives-rejected/14/06/

By contrast, council tenants vote Labour and are (by definition) too poor to bribe politicians. Just as with Thatcher's selloff, the outcome of Cameron's policy was totally predictable to anyone whose wealth didn't depend on their denying it.

People couldn't pay their rent, so they became homeless.

You know what's more expensive than paying rent for poor people? Helping homeless people. The savings from Cameron's cruel policy of limiting rent subsidies were totally wiped out by the millions more that local governments had to pay to find temporary shelter for the wave of homelessness Cameron had created.

That's not all, of course. Voter turnout among affected households plummeted, and when they did vote, it was in the Brexit referendum, where the housing benefit cuts strongly correlated with a Leave vote: "We also observe that a one standard deviation increase in the level of exposure to the cut in a district is associated with up to a 2.2 percentage point greater level of support for 'Leave'."

https://voxeu.org/article/housing-insecurity-homelessness-and-populism

The inability of the British private sector to build affordable housing and the unwillingness of the public sector to fill in the gap has produced a ghastly quality of life. In Camden, £1500/month gets you a 27sqm "flat" whose bed is literally a mattress wedged next to the toilet.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/02/29/uk/london-renting-compared-berlin-gbr-grm-intl/index.html

And yet, Greater London has never had a better ratio of bedrooms to people. It's just that HALF the beds in the region are empty on any given night. But with 60% of the UK national wealth represented by property in the southeast, the last thing the Tories want to do is fix this misallocation, which has been such a boon to the ownership class.

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2014/feb/14/great-housing-disaster-danny-dorling-review

This day in history (permalink)

#8yrsago In Minecraft, a fountain of cats at the top of the world https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=iNw2YcAK9Wc#!

#8yrsago Smithsonian building archive of printable 3D scans https://www.cnet.com/news/smithsonian-turns-to-3d-to-bring-collection-to-the-world/

#8yrsago Finance industry bemoans hard times in an era of reduced bonuses https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2012-02-29/wall-street-bonus-withdrawal-means-trading-aspen-for-cheap-chex

#4yrsago Crapgadget apocalypse: the IoT devices that punch through your firewall and expose your network https://krebsonsecurity.com/2016/02/this-is-why-people-fear-the-internet-of-things/

#4yrsago Press looks the other way as thousands march for Sanders in 45+ cities https://web.archive.org/web/20160314104804/http://usuncut.com/politics/media-blackout-as-thousands-of-bernie-supporters-march-in-45-cities/

#4yrsago FBI claims it has no records of its decision to delete its recommendation to encrypt your phone https://www.techdirt.com/articles/20160226/14181133727/fbi-claims-it-has-no-record-why-it-deleted-recommendation-to-encrypt-phones.shtml

Colophon (permalink)

Today's top sources: Alice Taylor (https://twitter.com/wonderlandblog), Naked Capitalism (https://nakedcapitalism.com/) and Slashdot (https://slashdot.org/.

Hugo nominators! My story "Unauthorized Bread" is eligible in the Novella category and you can read it free on Ars Technica: https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2020/01/unauthorized-bread-a-near-future-tale-of-refugees-and-sinister-iot-appliances/

Upcoming appearances:

Canada Reads Kelowna: March 5, 6PM, Kelowna Library, 1380 Ellis Street, with CBC's Sarah Penton https://www.eventbrite.ca/e/cbc-radio-presents-in-conversation-with-cory-doctorow-tickets-96154415445

Currently writing: I just finished a short story, "The Canadian Miracle," for MIT Tech Review. It's a story set in the world of my next novel, "The Lost Cause," a post-GND novel about truth and reconciliation. I'm getting geared up to start work on the novel now, though the timing is going to depend on another pending commission (I've been solicited by an NGO) to write a short story set in the world's prehistory.

Currently reading: Just started Lauren Beukes's forthcoming Afterland: it's Y the Last Man plus plus, and two chapters in, it's amazeballs. Last month, I finished Andrea Bernstein's "American Oligarchs"; it's a magnificent history of the Kushner and Trump families, showing how they cheated, stole and lied their way into power. I'm getting really into Anna Weiner's memoir about tech, "Uncanny Valley." I just loaded Matt Stoller's "Goliath" onto my underwater MP3 player and I'm listening to it as I swim laps.

Latest podcast: Gopher: When Adversarial Interoperability Burrowed Under the Gatekeepers' Fortresses: https://craphound.com/podcast/2020/02/24/gopher-when-adversarial-interoperability-burrowed-under-the-gatekeepers-fortresses/

Upcoming books: "Poesy the Monster Slayer" (Jul 2020), a picture book about monsters, bedtime, gender, and kicking ass. Pre-order here: https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781626723627?utm_source=socialmedia&utm_medium=socialpost&utm_term=na-poesycorypreorder&utm_content=na-preorder-buynow&utm_campaign=9781626723627

(we're having a launch for it in Burbank on July 11 at Dark Delicacies and you can get me AND Poesy to sign it and Dark Del will ship it to the monster kids in your life in time for the release date).

"Attack Surface": The third Little Brother book, Oct 20, 2020.

"Little Brother/Homeland": A reissue omnibus edition with a very special, s00per s33kr1t intro.

11 notes · View notes

jjmaybankx · 4 years

Text

i didn’t sleep at all... like... it’s 8am and the last time i slept is yesterday, and i was feeling a little sentimental. you guys don’t have to read this, but here’s just how i’m feeling this morning, my heart and my soul, out in the open because i have found a safe space on this blog, in this community, thanks to this fandom.

The most open of letters to an epic love that didn’t last,

Dear British Boy,

You’ve read countless letters from me, countless words where I poured out my soul. You might’ve even read the book I loosely based on us, since your ex-girlfriend surely did, and she was not happy. We’re graduating next week, give or take what we count as a graduation considering the times we’re in. I always thought we’d have more time. That I would revisit our closed book, open it, try to add to the ending. I always thought closure was in our future, one last sincere talk, Coffee Addict to British Boy.

Instead, we ghost around one another as if we don’t have the same exact friend group. We act fine when we’re in a group setting, and if I were honest, it messed with my head a bit. Knowing we could share more laughs, more inside jokes, but it’s all to be civil for our friends. We’d never get another conversation just the two of us, and that will always be something difficult for me to process. I always told myself one day, I’d work up the courage to ask you if we could talk one last time.

Sadly, this year was full of seeing you and my heart stopping. It was full of our friends bringing you around, and you knowing the names of my family members better than anyone else in the group. It was full of me picking up a pillow as you laid on the couch, and you looked at me with a playful smirk, knowing damn well I was about to throw it at you. It was full of you holding the stuffed animal pig I wanted, refusing to give it back.

So, looking back on those few drops of added memories, I’m thankful the last thing I said to you wasn’t out of rage or anger, I’m glad the last time we spoke wasn’t when we decided to go our separate ways, both of us shouting, tears running down my face, you on the verge of breaking. I’m glad that “I’m just a piece of shit” from your mouth and “Damn straight you are” from mine weren't the last things I’ve ever said to you, because it would’ve eaten at me if it were. I was angry at you for the mistakes you made, and for the longest time, you were angry at me for the mistakes you made. When you chose to lie to those around us, I kept my mouth shut because your secrets were yours to keep. When you decided to stop lying, you found a way to be mad at me for it.

For the longest time I tried to think of a rationale to how you choosing to lie to people was my fault. It took me over a year to understand it wasn’t, part of me is still trying to understand.

My heart was always in it, even when my head wasn’t. You’d be surprised how much shit hit the fan that I shielded you from, dealt with the rumors and the gossip on my own so you wouldn’t have to. Because you’re you, and I’m me, and protecting you is just what I do.

I guess what I’m trying to say, but am prolonging it with memories and backstories is: thank you. Thank you for a story that never seemed to actually end. Our paths and lives were so interwoven that even when we said goodbye, we always came back to another hello. Thank you for being my epic first love, my epic first infatuation. Thank you for climbing on the top of trains with me behind my grandmother’s house on my sixteenth birthday, thank you for coming after me when my feelings got hurt and i was crying in my bathroom with chocolate frosting on my forehead, thank you for getting stuck in the freaking creek which meant my 5’2 ass had to pull your 6’ body out of it. Thank you for the roses, the balloons, the stuffed animals. Thank you for staying up on the phone with me when I couldn’t sleep in a hotel room when I was on a family vacation. Thank you for letting me wear your clothes. Thank you for going to the movies with me, sharing music with me, going to get food with me, going to the pool with me. Thank you for being epic.

More importantly, apart from all the memories, I want to thank you for not loving me back. Thank you for being my ex-best friend instead of being my ex-boyfriend. Thank you for teaching me more about myself, where to put my energy, who to trust. Thank you for being the person to break my heart so utterly and completely because at least I’ll always know where there may now be disdain and dislike, where we might feel suffocated in a room together, there was once pure love for one another, romantic or platonic, with or without the lies. There was always love. And after it, both of us are still so full of love.

Some days I’m angry, crying on the floor, watching sad edits trying to feel less alone with the feeling of numbness and heartbreak. Some days, I wish I could go back to the old us. Some days, I hate you more than others for the lies you told me and everyone for a year and a half—yes, I’m still holding that against you. I guess today I was feeling more thankful than hateful.

So, just… thank you. For being the other half of what was us.

This is usually when I sign off, “I love you, for always, Coffee Addict,” but it just didn’t feel right. So, I’ll just sign off with:

Some of my best and worst memories are with you, and I can’t wait to hear (through our friends) where the future takes you and those memories

#liyah talks!

1 note · View note

lovejess92 · 5 years

Text

Questions of my heart ?

I’ve been going through it, these couple of months and if i am even more honest this past two years. I’ve been questioning where my life is going?, where am I going? and whether I’m ready for the next phase in my life.?. I’ve been so focused on just working that I have not thought about anything other then that.

These thoughts have in a sense resurfaced from begining to date someone. I’ve dated a lot during these past 4 to 5 years after my ex partner and in all this time I have tried to keep a open mind and allow for the opportunity to reopen the idea of “love” with a partner. During this entire time the one thing that is true as it can be, is that if I do decide to be in a relationship once again I am no longer looking for a “lover or boyfriend” but rather a partner. Someone I share my world with and also grow while continuing to experience life. Many of my relationship have always ended up in a place where I end up giving everything in a relationship and putting myself and my goals in the back burner for my typical dream to have my own “family”. Now this is something that typically can occur when you’re in a relationship especially when you’re young and in love. In a small yet big part of my life I was completely in love with a person that I was willing to go to the ends of the world for. Sadly that relationship ended with me feeling completely lost of who I was left with. I felt that I had gave everything I had and in the end it was never enough. Within the relationship I found myself not being able to trust the silence of my home and my partner. Bringing me to feel powerless in my life, the need to control and lack of trust and respect. Although I was giving it my all and all the love I had for him it was not enough or how I really felt “I was not enough”. The more time we had together, the more distant I felt we were and the more afraid I became. I was in a relationship in which I want it more then he did. Although I carried his last name I still felt like the home we were working towards was never going to happen. His evasive words, the lies and multiple of times he would go and gamble “our” money made me feel so afraid that the man I had chosen was more in his world then he was in mine. I felt I was carrying a lie and a love that I was holding all on my own.

Growing up I had experienced having a abusive alcoholic stepfather, seeing a overdose in the living room of one of my many homes and sexual abusers in my life. All that were addict’s in their own shape or form. But I had never thought that the man I would fall in love with would resemble them in such a educated and sufisdicated way that I could fall in love. When you experience what I had lived you dont think this is what I want In my world or this is how I picture my future husband to be. You dream of this amazing partner that doesn’t resemble any of part of your past. How loving, caring, respect, trust worthy and loyal he will be. I was defenitly not ready to understand or know how it would be to actually be in love with someone who is an addict. Even when I had prepared myself mentally as much I could, I couldn’t really see what was coming next. When me and him had began he had been sober so I couldn’t see anything more then the love he would show and how caring he was. He was my Bestfriend and one of the people that I had truly become vulnerable and open with more then any family member, friend or boyfriend I had ever had. I couldn’t have known how difficult it could be and how scary it could feel to know that this one person had me in the palm of their hands and could go from loving me to completely making me feel hopeless and afraid in a matter of seconds. But I knew I couldn’t blame anyone except myself I had chosen him and had continued to choose him more and more along the road. Once the relationship ended I felt like a stray dog that had been kicked out of their own home still loving their guardians that no longer wanted them. I have to admit that when the relationship ended I was a complete mess I had episodes of crying out of no where in public, missing him like crazy, completely torn to being angry with him and me for the way it was done. For the first years I was still living with hope that one day he would show up and say how much he had missed me and that his love was never a lie and then it turned to at least hoping he would one day show up and apologize for the pain he had caused. I would go to church hoping that some how god would change his heart and many more things that in the end could not be changed and none of those hopes were going to come through. No apology letter was ever going to be send and none of the pain was going to be erased. After all of that I decided to change my point of view and continue on with refocusing all my energy into me trying to salvage what was left of who I was. By then I no longer felt like the old me, then again I never complete felt like myself I had friendships in my old life that were toxic and a life style that in reality I didn’t want to be in. After I had met my best friends I knew how different it was to have healthy friends in my life and how even though their life was very different from mine it was amazing to feel like I had a family that only wished me nothing but the best.

During these past years that I have been single and have dated I have been focusing more in myself and wanting to get a hold of myself. Even when I’ve wanted to experience being in a relationship I have focused more in my life and working. That in the end in all of my goals I don’t know how to picture someone with me and that complete makes me feel so afraid to even want to share myself, my time and life with anyone that isn’t myself. I’m so afraid to loose track of what I want to do and all for being with someone once again. The many thoughts of giving it all, once again back tracking in my goals, falling for the wrong person and sharing myself. Without wanting to admit that in a away the scars that were left really left me feeling like it was all of my fault, that maybe I could of done something different or I didn’t do enough resurface like if it was all just yesterday. I have learned to love and hate being single but most of all I’ve learned to love myself that now I’m selfish with myself and time that I start to resend certain people for not being able to be home alone.

I went to China and Korea during this past July, cried tears of joy for accomplishing my goal that I had planned since I moved back into the states and being able to manage my anxiety problems while I was in my longest flight and being in a country were language was completely difficult to understand. I felt so happy to be able to know that I had made it happen that I was thanking god for the opportunity that had shown up. But here I am wondering once again if I am truly ready to open the door to my heart. Can I once again after years of being single give someone a place in my heart without questioning myself, side tracking my goals and continue to grow. Am I even ready to for a new phase in my life ? These are only a couple of my thoughts.

#divorce #writing #love #life #letters

3 notes · View notes

eeveedel · 6 years

Photo

Hello all! It’s been a long time since I’ve put out a new fic rec but I’ve missed doing it and I finally had time to put this list together! I’ve gotten some requests for an angst list so that’s what I have for you today. I decided to split this list up by how angsty you like your fics (I do have more heavy angst than anything else, sorry). Also some of these have major character death and other triggering content so I have marked those fics accordingly. Let me know if I did not mark any fics that needed it. As always, I hope you find something you enjoy!

Light Sniffles

Forever, Uninterrupted by sparkk (8k)

Harry finds a mysterious picture in Louis' bag one night and drives himself crazy over it. It's definitely not what he thinks.

The World Still Turns by hrrytomlinson (21k)

They had their eyes on the stars.

Harry and Louis have known each other since they were tiny little boys, both wildly obsessed with airplanes, space, and the stars. More than twenty years later, Harry plans to propose to Louis, but when he wakes up, Louis is gone.

Chest Clutching

For You I Will (I Don’t Believe in Magic, But) by theweightofmywords (17k)

During those nights when the gun rested cold and heavy in his hands... he knew that he would think of Harry and remember that the world could also be beautiful.

Louis leads two lives, when all he wants is a simple one with Harry.

Things Gone Cold by mediawhore (24k)

With his soulmate’s thoughts about him written on his skin and the world’s eyes trailing his every movement, Harry Styles is having a bit of a rough time releasing his second album in peace. And that’s not even counting the breakup. Or the car crash.

Forget-Me-Not by SexyAsswoMan (26k) tw: mcd

“You're- you're a witch.” Louis hissed under the harsh wind, making Harry flinch at the accusation in his voice.

or, Where Harry had something he did not wish to have. Louis was just trying to figure him out.

Pretty Boy by iwillpaintasongforlou (32k)

Harry's been forced into a high-class prostitution ring because his heroin-addicted mother is too strung out to realize that her boyfriend is pimping out her son. Louis is the crown prince of England and gets into a lot of mischief and thinks it's normal to pay prostitutes to "get a good night's sleep." They probably aren't meant to see each other beyond that one random night, but then again, they probably aren't meant to see each other at all.

Truth Be Told (I Never Was Yours) by JustForTommo (76k)

The one where Louis and Harry have a complicated past, Louis is getting married to someone that’s not Harry, and the universe has decided to have a laugh and make Harry the wedding planner.)

Jump Before We Fall by green_feelings (113k)

Louis and Zayn's lives revolve around running a hotel by the sea, Harry is a student who wants a life far from home for just a little while, Niall doesn't know where life leads him and Liam thinks he has already found all purposes in his life.

Young & Beautiful by velvetoscar (227k)

Louis, to his horror, attends an elitist university in which the name Zayn Malik means something, Niall Horan doesn't stop talking, there are pianos everywhere, and Harry Styles, only son of a drug-addled, clinically insane ex-rocker, has a perfect smile and empty eyes.

Ugly Sobs

Go Nowhere Tonight by objectlesson (12k)

The aftermath of a very tense dinner party.

The Things I’d Do to Wake Up Next to You by dirtymattress (36k)

AU. Harry wakes up to a pregnant Louis Tomlinson and a wedding band on his finger.

the impossible now by stylinsoncity (64k)

A wish on Christmas Eve sends Louis to an alternate dimension where Harry is a member of One Direction.

Who Painted the Moon Black by throughthedark (95k)

Hunger Games AU where Louis Tomlinson is district six's victor from the 69th Hunger Games and Harry Styles is district seven's victor from the 72nd Hunger Games.

Through Eerie Chaos by MediaWhore (102k)

Harry finds himself making friends with an aristocrat from the 1920s and struggling with finding the best way to tell him that he’s dead.

The Ghost Hunter AU where Niall lives to prove ghosts are real, Zayn is a skeptical librarian and Harry gets caught up in a century-old mystery and catches feeling in the process.

got the sunshine on my shoulders by hattalove (124k)

five years ago, harry styles left his tiny home town to make it big as a recording artist. he didn't have much regard for what he left behind - a life, a family, and a husband, who woke up one morning to find him gone.

now, harry has everything he could possibly want: he's rich, famous, and adored by everyone he meets, including his boyfriend. but when said boyfriend proposes to him, he's forced to face the uncomfortable facts of his past - and louis, who's spent the last five years returning every set of divorce papers harry sent him.

I Need New Eyeballs Because I Fucking Cried Mine Out

strawberry swing by fondleeds (5k)

louis’ mouth tastes like nectarines and summer and his fingers are sticky and grimy with dirt, mulch and tiny wood chips clung to the static of his shirt, in his hair, and above him the swing is floating lazily back and forth.

today they’re nine and soon they’ll be ten and he’s got paint on his cheeks and harry is humming nonsense under his breath and painting tiny m birds on his palm. today they’re at the park and things are simple in the way that only children know.

take my hand (take my whole life too) (9k) (orphaned) tw: mcd

“What would you do,” Louis begins, knowing that this will only hurt him more, “If this was your last day on earth?”

Harry thinks for a bit, brow furrowed in concentration, and then he says sort of cheekily, “Go skydiving. See my family, see my friends.”

“What else, Harry?”

Bot by tomlinsunshine (11k)

Zayn builds robots; Harry is a big fan of his latest model.

hoping this cold blue water scrubs me clean and spits me out again by phantamagoria (repost by tolvsmol) (17k) tw: cancer, mcd

"Stay," Harry whispers desperately, pressing his lips to Louis' temple like he can somehow ease the pain that's blooming there, but he can't make the pain stop and no matter how hard he tries he can't make Louis stay.

a grocery list pinned to blue by dangerbears (19k)

AU. after eight years, louis finally has everything he's wanted. except for harry.

things have gotten closer to the sun by starseas (49k) tw: mcd

it’s strange, making the choice to face his past—it almost feels like he’s heading for the sun straight on, like he’s screaming come on and burn me, i deserve it.

when a solar flare is announced to end the world in twelve days, harry reunites with the people that he used to know better than the back of his own hand.

Nameless Night by green_feelings (155k)

For their 18th birthday, every person receives a letter that reads a simple date. That is the date you'll meet your soulmate. Harry and Louis have different beliefs, live in different worlds and have different dreams, hopes and fears. Yet, they're not so different from each other when it comes to love. When their paths cross, there is no doubt they belong together. Except for that one, essential difference: they didn't receive the same date.

#god tier fic recs #larry fanfiction #larry fanfic #larry fanfic rec #one direction fan fiction

190 notes · View notes

jessi-novel-idea · 5 years

Text

The Family Business: Chapter One - Home

Description: Jax Teller’s sister makes an unexpected return, will she be able to settle back into the life or will it all be too much?

Warnings: Smut (none this chapter), language, violence, drinking

Word Count: 2,159

Jenna's POV:

I swear it must be eight thousand degrees in this car, but I don't mind too much. My brother, Jax, gave me this car as a going away present when I left home for school, he said that my dream ‘69 Mustang was they way to help achieve my dreams, cheesy I know. This car always got the attention of the people you pass by, guys especially. That was always entertaining at school. I don't think I could have gotten further away from home if I tried and stay within the United States. Home was in Charming, CA and school was in Cambridge, MA, Harvard to be exact. I still can't believe I just graduated from Harvard Law School, of course no one showed up to graduation, but that's not too surprising. I am still waiting to hear if I passed the bar, hopefully I did!

The reason I am sitting in the heat and revving the engine waiting for the flag to drop, some guy in a bar in Phoenix mouthed off about how girls can't drive so I told him that he should put his money where his mouth is. A mile later and he was hanging his head as he forked over $100.

I am headed back to the wonderful land of Charming, to my family, my blood and my chosen. The family business is why I decided to go law school in the first place. Trouble was basically the family motto. SAMCRO: Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club, Redwood Original. My dad, John Teller was one of the original nine. I don't really remember my dad he was killed when I was little, hit by an 18 wheeler and of course he was on his bike. Clay Morrow was the dad I knew, mine and Jax's step dad, he was also one of the original nine, started the club with John after the war. Jax always butted heads with Clay; before I left it was getting worse, much worse and I am sure nothing has changed. It was always something with those two. I preferred to fight with our mom Gemma. Strong headed, stubborn and pretty much a bitch but I do love her and unfortunately I am just like her.

I am sure nothing has changed at home...

Jax POV:

It is a beautiful night in Charming, out for a ride to clear my head. I am going to be a dad soon, that should scare everyone, I am not ready for that. At least I have my mom. Gemma will take care of Abel. Man, I could use a smoke.

I decided to stop at this hole in the wall gas station that I visit at least once a week.

Wow this chick behind the counter wants me bad, Louise thinks I can't see her pull her shirt down to show more cleavage. She is hot sure, but she is too damn young for that kind of trouble.

I lay a pack of condoms and gum on the counter and ask for two packs of cigarettes. She of course bags it up and tries to flirt.

"What the hell is that? She says looking out the window toward the mountains.

I walked over to the window and knew exactly where that fire was coming from, one of our warehouses where we store guns...”Shit” Clay is going to be pissed.

Jenna's POV:

Pulling into TM I knew I hadn't missed a thing in my time away. I saw Jax getting off his bike with Clay, Tig and Bobby right behind, no doubt just coming back from "club" business. I heard remarks under their breath as I got out of my car.

"Check out the legs on her"

"Hey honey, wanna have a good time?"

"Damn..."

"You better leave that lass alone," in a rugged Scottish accent I had grown to miss, my dearest Chibs.

Running over to the embrace of the man I had looked up to for so many years. That hug was way over due I think that if I had went one more day without it I would have fell apart. Chibs was more of a father to me and Jax then any of our dads actually were. I knew he had Jax's back no matter what and that is one of the only reasons I could leave for college.

"Look at you love, grown so much and no doubt well educated" Chibs said with a wink.

"Boy have I missed you," I grinned

Jax finally turned around to see who was hogging Chibs' attention, "I would know that voice anywhere, Jenna is that you?"

"I finally made it back home, bub."

I made my way around hugging Tig, Happy, Bobby, Piney and Clay which was probably the coldest welcome I have ever received.

"Half-Sack, get your prospect ass over here and meet family," Tig yelled across the lot

"Half-Sack? What the hell did you do to piss these guys off enough to give you that name" I questioned

"I had one nut blown off in Iraq"

"Sad story, I am Jenna by the way. What is your real name?"

"Kip"

"Well it is nice to meet you Kip."

As I walked into the clubhouse I met the gaze of my best friend Juan Carlos Ortiz, but everyone calls him Juice and have since we were in high school.

"Well, well, well I see they finally patched you in," I said as I walked over to him.

"I see they finally let you graduate and come home," he said wrapping me in his arms, his warmth warming my heart. Just because he was a member of the club didn't mean he was dumb he always did the tech work and research on the people the club needed intel on. He was a sweetheart underneath it all.

The boys had to go to Chapel to discuss something that seemed rather pressing. Half-Sack I mean Kip got me a beer from the bar. He wasn't allowed in the club meetings yet he was basically a maid for the boys, doing the grunt work.

About 30 minutes later....

The sound of the doors opening signaled the meeting was over and everyone came out to grab their phones and a beer, typical.

A car horn sounded and we turned toward the security cameras and saw it was none other then Gemma, mom, she had no clue I was home yet and she was about to rip me a new one because I didn't see her first. She seemed upset about something which meant no good could come from this encounter.

I hid behind Chibs and Jax as we walked outside. "Why the hell is Jenna's car here?"

"Hi, mom" I said walking around the boys. She did not look happy as she hugged me.

"Hey baby I sure did miss you" she said turning to Jax "where the hell have you been? I have been trying to reach you Jackson, I found Wendy strung out on hairy dog, they rushed her to St. Thomas."

Wendy was Jax's ex-wife who was pregnant with Jax's baby. She was a drug addict when I left and it seems that nothing had changed. All the guys got on the bikes and I got in the car with Gemma as drove to the hospital to figure out what the hell was happening.

St. Thomas was pretty advanced giving the size of Charming, but the club could fill up all the beds if a good fight broke out. Everyone from Charming had been in this hospital at some point, either their birth or death was bound to be here. We walked in to the elevators and up to the women’s unit to try and find Wendy and her doctor.

Of course it would be the one doctor in the world I hated, the one person in this world I hated more then anyone else. The same person who broke Jax's heart when she realized the biker life wasn't for her anymore and left Charming...Tara Knowles. She must have just gotten back too because there was no way her presence would have went unknown for long around the club.

"She is recovery now, she had track marks between her fingers and toes." Tara said.

"She never talked to me, I had no idea," Jax responded

"Nobody did she had missed her last few appointments"

"The baby?" Jax asked as soon as he took one look at Wendy and noticed she was no longer carrying their son.

"They had to do an emergency C-section, he was 10 weeks premature with a few defects"

We all already knew that one of the defects had to be Abel's heart the same defect Gemma, Thomas and I had. Thomas unfortunately did not survive his defect though. "The family flaw" Gemma always called it.

"They give him a five percent chance of survival," Tara added to the news she had already dropped on us. The next thing I knew Jax was storming out of the hospital followed by Chibs and Tig. I knew there was only one place he would go and that is the bar where Wendy would have got the crank she had taken.

Jax’s POV

After beating up the assholes who sold Wendy crank, I decided to go see Opie and convince him to help with a job for the club.

When he walked over to his truck for his break, he gave me a questioning look. I explain to him that there was job we needed help with and that he is still a member of the club and is expected to step up when needed.

“Donna will kill me, we are still tryin’ to get back to normal,” he explained

“Op, you can’t be half in and half out, the club needs ya”

“Alright, I guess”

“Thanks Op...” I was interrupted by his boss saying it was time to get back to work.

“Well, I gotta go”

“Hey Op, there is going to be a party tonight at TM, Jen is back, just that you should know”

I knew by the grin on his face that he would come up with any excuse he could to be at TM tonight. Him and my sister both had major crushes on each other, of course neither would admit it and it had been this way for a really really long time.

Jenna’s POV

Later that night...

The club had one of their parties but this one was in honor of me being back in Charming, because that sure was something to celebrate.

I grabbed a beer and headed inside to Jax’s room, hopefully I wouldn't run into any crow eaters on my way. I sat down on the bed staring at my phone. I was still waiting for the email with my final score on my bar exam, any minute now. There was a knock at the door as I looked up I saw Opie leaning against the frame. "Hey Op, what are you doing here? I figured Donna had you on a short leash since you got out."

"Haha very funny Jenna, but when I heard you were back I had to come see you"

"Well I am very glad you did, I missed you Op" he walked over and set next to me on the bed. Opie and Jax had been best friends for as long as anyone could remember. I always thought Opie was the greatest, he was about 6'4" with a scruffy beard and a beanie I swear he was never without it. Still looking sexy as hell.

"Why are you in here alone, Jen?"

"Waiting to see if I am going to be a real lawyer, I may have a job with the DA here in Charming."

"So you are staying here?"

"Looks like it...." I was interrupted by the sound of my phone going off, the email I had been waiting for and all I read was "Congratulations" that's when i gave Opie a bear hug and said "I am definitely staying for a while."

"Let's celebrate then!"

We walked into the main room of the clubhouse, there was people everywhere, playing pool, drinking and Bobby playing his guitar in the corner. "Hey, listen up everyone I got somethin’ to say, Jenna here is a finally a real lawyer and she is staying!!!" As soon as Opie said that the room erupted into cheers, Gemma gave me a hug followed by many more. Opie then walked outside where I am assuming he shared the news with guys who were watching the fight between Tig and Happy, because when I turned around I was almost tackled by Juice and Jax.

I guess I did miss this on some level this, being around my real family. Being back in Charming was going to take some getting used to, but having Juice, Opie and Jax to help, what could possibly go wrong?

#sons of anarchy #jax teller #fanfic #opie winston #fanfiction #samcro

15 notes · View notes

some-dark-side-writing · 6 years

Text

What Makes Phantom Turn Yandere:

(Tw: self harm)

•He’s expressed interest in you for the longest time. You’d kind of ignored him though compared to other egos. You were polite of course and would involve him in conversations, you had no reason to not be nice, but you always felt that unease when you were in a room with him for too long.

•Many time’s he’d gotten you in a room alone, wanting to tell you everything but you’d always laughed awkwardly before he could get a word out and explained you had somewhere else to be. But one time he wouldn’t give up as easily. His hand whipped out and yanked your elbow to drag you back next to him, nearly toppling you over and he wouldn’t let you shake him off. Leaning in close with darkening eyes he asked. “Why do you hate me? You’ve barely talked to me or even bothered to get to know me above or even at the same level as some of the others. So. Why. Do. You. Hate. Me?”

•You sighed, opening the closet door he’d shut you in a crack so there was some light and it wasn’t a public conversation but you’d feel safe around him. You told him why you felt uncomfortable around him, because he stole souls. He was about to argue he didn’t ‘steal’ them but you cut him off snapping that he knew what you meant and it was something you couldn’t forget it move past.

•Phantom was stuck. Deciding to try explaining for you to understand. “Why should that matter? I love you. I’d protect you and your soul, I wouldn’t even take the soul of someone you cared about.” You cut him off once more, well after getting over the initial fact your stalker who you barely considered a friend and you’d never even hung out with alone had just told you he loved you.

•Against your better judgement you decided to properly look him over. He was a pretty boy. Plus you didn’t know him that in depth. Finally you’d told him you’d only maybe consider it if he returned of all his souls and never took any more ever again. Again he was stuck. And you could see that by the way his mouth was opening and closing with no sound coming out like a fish out of water and it kinda pissed you off. You sighed in frustration, asking “Why can’t you sustain on the fan’s power or whatever fuels the others and make proper business deals?!” Which is when the real kicker came in.

•”I can!” He argued. You groaned, getting fed up but he waved his hands in front of you, stepping in front of the door and closing it. “But because I’m... a smaller ego-“ you could tell it deflated his own ego to tell you that “I’m not as powerful nor able to protect you, so I need that extra power to help me along. You have to understand that Y/N...” You let slide the fact he felt he needed to protect you, what from you had no idea, as something else came forward from his argument, this whole thing turning more and more into a debating match. “Great, power hungry, another turn off.”

•Phantom quickly became enraged you thought so little of him, that after all this time you’d want him to change and lose everything and even then only MAYBE consider??!? Others would crumble and kiss his feet if he offered them an ounce of his time and here you were degrading him, mocking him. His nostrils flared and his hand gripped your shoulder and even though you’d tried to stand him down before you couldn’t hold back your pain any more. “Let. Go... Phantom let go... please! It hurts.”

•Phantom did let you go with a sigh but that’s not all he did. The next morning you turned on the tv in your room and the media was filled with coverage of lost people being reunited with their families from last night, leading police to believe it was the same kidnapper, no one would come forward and say where they had been but there were nation wide celebrations, tearful family members, ill looking parents being reunited with their tear filled children, it almost brought tears to your eyes.

•The cane dropped on your bed and you jumped, turning off the television as Phantom appeared in your room, looking even more pale and sickly than the people he’d just let free, falling to his knees at the foot of your bed and you rushed forward, grabbing his shoulders to stop him from swaying, he grabbed back onto your arms, cane discarded under your covers, as he smiled dizzily at you as he told you “Even if you’re the only person who ever knows I exist I’ll be happy with that.” You couldn’t help but in your excitement press a quick kiss to his cheek and even though that was the happiest you’d seen him up until that point it was the beginning of your nightmare.

•He was sick for about a week after that and after an initial inspection from the doctor egos he only wanted you taking care of him. And in that moment you were more than happy to oblige, he’d basically risked his own existence to make you and others happy. So you’d pat his head with a towel, make him get well foods, and on the night he was healing you fell asleep in his bed. He’d never been happier even though you hadn’t meant to fall asleep but he always thought that was the reason he was back to normal the next day.

•Unfortunately things went downhill from there. And even though you’d both had a pretty okay few months together there were a few things that stopped it from being everything Phantom had hoped for.

•First of all the two of you never had sex. He was honestly fine with that and would never force you into anything of the sort but it hurt him to wonder why you didn’t want to, he was sure it wasn’t the sex you didn’t like the appeal of but the fact it would be with him.

•In reality you still had those guilty and shamed feelings being with Phantom and you could never shake the unending unease with him. Sometimes you thought that you were only in this relationship to begin with because you thought it was bad if you didn’t at least give him a chance for what he’d sacrificed, which turned into going out with him because what if that means he’ll take all the souls back, would that make you a bad person? Was he keeping anyone he obtained from any type of afterlife? He was created to be an evil creature to not kill but be possibly worse by stealing souls. He knew you had a few of those doubts, he just denied their extent as he stalked you and knew you had hour long talks with friends and egos (who he did not like you being friends with) But it was only because of them rationalising things like ‘He was born collecting souls already and you’re making him a better person‘ that he thought kept the two of you together sometimes.

•There were also things you disliked that he did in the relationship of course. He had booked your favourite bands for you, using managerial skills only, and if you didn’t take your eyes off the band the whole performance you lost phone privileges for a week. Your attention should only ever exist majority wise around YOUR senpai he’d explained to you. Oh he also monitored everything you did. If he felt like you were particularly lovey dovey to him that day he may not ask to look at messages but he’d want to know who you were messaging and look at phone bills to see if you called someone too many times, he had spyware on your phone that you didn’t even know about to see if you ever lied to him also.

•But one day you realised you weren’t truly happy and things could be much much better. It wasn’t really his fault. He’d done a lot of nice things, bought you so many gifts, always complimented you, respected any pda boundaries you had but still his favourite thing he’d told you over and over was to hug and kiss you. But you couldn’t stay together for pity or fear. Which is exactly what you told him, and he was not happy.

•You were terrified. His cane had broken nearly all the priceless artefacts he’d gotten you, you were inhaling smoke from the fires you were sure were happening all over your home and he wasn’t letting you leave. “I’ve worked too hard for you. You’re mine. Why don’t you ever understand that kitten?” You cried as the end of his cane which had had a retractable dagger in the entire time dragged down your cheek, in a ‘loving, comforting’ gesture. “Now I’ll make sure you’ll never make that mistake again.”

•Your soul was trapped in his orb.

•After a while he started to get addicted to that extra power again. He re-claimed all his ex victims and started gaining new ones, however they were all in a different orb, you had one of your very own, the one he only placed on the cane when he was alone, and why? Because, as he told you when he lay in bed with it at night “I love you. So so much.”

•Eventually though Phantom began to miss things he couldn’t have with just your miniature. The small details of your body, your laugh, your smile, the way you smelled, your touch... On top of that the egos were definitely getting suspicious, the idiot Chase even had to pull the crazy idiot Anti off of him when he almost pulled that knife right across his throat, burning a hole in his new suit with his glitching, demanding to know where you were! As if he had the right to know! But Phantom would keep you from him, from everyone. So he let you go.

•But something went wrong. You were paranoid! He’d had to jump to cover your mouth with his hand when you came back because you just started screaming, and then thrashing out, and then crying.

•”Y/N shh ssh sssshhhh my sweet It’s okay! Phantom’s here. I’ve got you. You’re in the arms of someone who loves you. There’s no need to fret now. You can have freedom whenever you want when you’re good. I know it’s scary out here, but I’ll protect you.” He started to get worried when you didn’t stop screaming, holding you tighter. “Stop it kitten you’re going to hurt yourself. I’m going to protect you, more than before, I know I let your feelings get in the way of that but I’ll be here for your every move don’t you worry.”

•You had the itching thought that some part of you was still in that orb even though Phantom showed you many times the damned thing didn’t glow anymore, he felt like now wasn’t the best time to bring up his other collections. You still felt he had a hold on you, and physically yes he was rarely ever not touching some part of you, mostly your hand, but you could never trust him anymore.

•Could you even trust yourself? The house wasn’t burnt down, the media was talking about still searching for the missing people, you couldn’t possibly jump to they were retrieved and missing again in this state.

•You’d lost it when you found his other orb that glowed. For you that meant he still could have some part of you. In your distress you took the knife from the base of that cane and slit your arms from your wrist to your elbow, needing to see if your soul was still in there, in your anguish crying loudly when you couldn’t ‘see’ it. Of course Phantom, who was downstairs with the egos who all came together to demand a visit from you, heard this cry as well as the others and he was the first to run upstairs.

•”Y/N?! OH MY GOD Y/N! Shit! Fuck fuck fuck what have you done to yourself?!” Phantom was panicking, he loved you, ripping his waistcoat off to cover both your wrists that were bleeding heavily as Dark was the next upstairs, dragging Dr. Iplier and Schneep past the others and ordering them to fix this immediately.

•You were fixed up and knocked out on pain meds as the egos, who cared about you, were all giving the now fully yandere side murderous looks. He promised the egos he’d returned all of you shoving his dim simple orb in front of them and breaking down in tears. He didn’t understand where he’d gone wrong. But he knew paranoia was not simple to fix.

•Dark offered an alternative. Someone, maybe Host had to take your memories. Phantom got up from where he was curled up in a ball on the floor and it was a discussion which the egos were in favour of because you were too far gone to risk leaving you with the memories of the torture Phantom had put you through, not that anyone dared speak the last part out loud since he could very well already have snapped.

•However they certainly did not approve of Phantom’s plan to completely change your morals on soul taking. In fact Anti laughed at it and Natemare, who he was most jealous of head and head with Dark because of the similarities with himself, told Phantom that you weren’t ever going to know he existed...

(Notes: I left the ending up to y’all ;-) )

#fic #phantom x reader #phantom fic #angst fic #yandere phantom #yandere tw?#yandere au #yandere fic #yandere x reader #bullet fic

87 notes · View notes

actuallylorelaigilmore · 6 years

Text

the ultimate citation list for Schneider of ODAAT, volume 1

A reference collection of quotes and details, organized chronologically, for the first 26 episodes of One Day At A Time. Used to create this character guide.

“Can you believe it's only been 10 months since you moved in? I remember 'cause I got my five year sober chip and your mom baked me that cake. I enjoyed watching you guys eat it." 1x01

"You're 40 and you look stupid." “I'll have you know, I was invited to several Pride parades." 1x01

Uses a “very expensive” Damascus steel hammer. 1x01

"I've been doing some outreach down at the rec center, talking to at-risk youth. You guys wanna start takin' bets? Actually, scratch that. I'm addicted to gambling.” 1x01

"Love isn't even real. It's just something your nanny says sometimes to your dad." 1x02

"Hey, I may have money in the bank and two living parents, and four living stepmothers but there is a hole in here. We never had family meals. I ate alone in front of the TV. Oh, don't get me wrong. It was a massive TV. Sometimes my nanny would join me, but only if I agreed to watch telenovelas. This one time, Rosa got jealous of the housekeeper 'cause she was makin' a move on her man, so she threatened to throw live scorpions on her while she slept. Rosa was my nanny. Ex-nanny. Now, stepmother." 1x03

[Lydia and Pen fighting] “It's startin' to feel kinda like home in here.” 1x03

Schneider cooks fancy hipster food. "Nutted quinoa, wilted broccolini with radish micro-greens, and venison carpaccio on a bed of nettles. Grab a cedar plank and dig in." 1x04

"Always interesting to be the sober one at a dinner party." 1x05

"I immigrated here illegally. I'm a Canadian. But yeah, born in the 'Couve, overstayed my student visa, forced to live in the shadows of Pepperdine University. Anyway, it's fine now. My lawyers made it all okay." 1x05

Uses sheet masks, knows about chauffeurs, butlers, estates. 1x06

“The kids barely touched my black olive tapenade.” “Thanks for helping out, but maybe next time pick a food a kid would wanna eat or has heard of.” “Yeah, and maybe next time, don't hand out masks with my face on them.” 1x07

"The members of my college band have finally put aside our differences and we're reuniting to play at the fair this afternoon. My band, Full Sail, plays yacht rock. These guys were like family. I used to show up at their dorm rooms unannounced and just hang out for hours and hours and hours." 1x07

"We were setting up for the show and our keytarist threw a decorative anchor at me. This is why Full Sail broke up in the first place. Too many passionate personalities." 1x07

Has a magnifying glass in his costume trunk. 1x07

"I know nothing about my grandparents and I never will. And they live in Pasadena!" (but he goes to 'the depot' in Pasadena) 1x09

"I have never seen such un-professionalism. This is why I don't work!" 1x09

"I need to find a new place to get my eyebrows threaded." 1x10

Has a safe. 1x10

"Well, Father believed it's best to have this kinda discussion in a car because you don't have to make eye contact. Plus, you're traveling in the same direction, which fosters intimacy. So we're in the Bentley with our chauffeur, Paco. Father said it's time to have the talk. We came to the next stoplight. He hopped out, Paco told me everything." 1x10

"I didn't get the period talk till I was 12. Paco just called it 'Shark Week.'" 1x10

"When I was a kid, there was an adult section in the back of the video store. Behind the beads. I'd always chicken out and just rent a Jane Fonda workout tape. Still worked. Still works." 1x10

"You'd be surprised how many of my hookups started with 'Ugh!' ...When I was 15, I told Father I wanted to be a professional tap dancer. He laughed. It was that lack of support that contributed to my drinking and drug problem. Oh, do you find that amusing? Because 15-year-old Schneider's drinking peach schnapps out of an unused tap shoe right now." 1x11

"You have a girl over here and you were offering to have sex with me?" - "Yes, Penelope. That's the kind of friend I am." 1x11

"My dad never came to my games. All he ever did was put me through rehab six times and buy me this building." 2x01

"Maroon 5 is the best." 2x01

"Okay, I decided to take a break from dating. See, I realized that women were just another one of my addictions, like alcohol, drugs, gambling, cigarettes, snow globes. The point is, I've broken the cycle of addiction with spinning. Five hours a day, every single day. I have to do it! Plus, it's the perfect substitute for dating, 'cause it burns a lot of energy and also numbs my junk!" 2x02

“Snow globes? Is this one of our family?” 2x02

"I come over, tell him to do stuff to me, he does it, I go home. You should get one." "I think what Nikki was kinda dancing around is that you don't always have to have a relationship with a capital "R." Sometimes all you need is what the great poets of the Renaissance called a junk buddy." "Exactly. You don't even have to like them." 2x03

"See, the great thing about having a green card is you get to live here without having to do all the stuff Americans have to, like vote or serve jury duty or become obese."

"Okay, but at least you vote in Canadian elections." "Mmm. No. Even in Canada, nothing ever changes. Clean air, sensible gun control, free health care. The system's rigged." 2x04

Can picture himself “doing it” with Elizabeth Warren, was Stephen Hawking for Halloween. 2x04

"You have to pay taxes with a green card? I just texted my accountant, and he said 'cause I'm in the highest income bracket, I don't have to pay taxes." 2x04

Keeps on hand: panic room, gas mask, water purification pills, MREs, enough cash to get to Cape Verde by boat. Followed Max on Instagram. Would be honored to be Penelope's maid of honor. 2x05

"I'm very patriotic. Look in that basket. There's a bald eagle thong." 2x06

All Elena's video game equipment belongs to him. 2x06

"Penelope, tell my third stepmother I loved her! Not the second one, though. She was kind of a jerk." 2x06

"Hummer limo's downstairs. My third stepmother used to take me to the racetrack to spy on Father. For the longest time, I thought she was saying, 'Your father is with Rebecca, that horse!' It's like I'm back at the racetrack with my stepmom. What's next? Throw a mint julep in his face?” 2x07

"I love Cuba! I've been there four times. Property manager, job's just temporary. My father owns the building. I'm really a musician. Play a lot of rap-rock-ska. I'm like a male Gwen Stefani. When you're hiring a nanny, make sure she's not too hot. That's how I met my fifth mom. I had four nannies and look at the results." 2x08

Did not speak a word of Spanish when he first met them, is interested in single moms. 2x08

"If you joined an adult kickball team after saying you were too busy to join mine, you are on a long road to forgiveness." 2x09

"Your idea of stress is when your chest-waxer goes out of town." "Roberto is the only one who doesn't make it sting!" 2x09

"I shouldn't have to need these either, but I do. To see. So it's Fourth of July, 2011. I'd been sober for a while, so I thought I'd celebrate with a beer. Woke up three days later in an alley. Then the bowling ball hit me. I was in the gutter for a long time. It's really slippery without the shoes. That was the day I truly accepted that I can't have alcohol or drugs, ever. Not a beer, not a glass of wine, not even six hits of acid at a Grateful Dead show, no matter how well it makes me dance. I kinda get where you're coming from. There's something I want that I can't have for the rest of my life." 2x09

He and Pen are best friends. Also considers Max his bestie. Wants to Netflix and chill with them both, together. 2x09

"My abuelita used to put Vicodin in her coffee. And her lemonade and her sandwiches. Maybe she had a problem. As my father said to me on my ninth birthday, 'You don't need me anymore.' I use my garage for pickling and sea horse breeding." 2x10

Loves puns. "This is Elena Alvarez, my handyman mentee. Or handy-manatee." "The toilet is a cruel mistress. She is flush with complications." 2x10

"Herb and Sherb McGurb. Her real name is Sheryl, but she gets a kick out of Sherb." 2x10

"Bonsai's for dorks. This is penjing. The gentle Chinese art of tray scenery. Now that you're working for me, I finally have some leisure time." "Oh, look, there's little people. Wait, is that my family?" "Could be any Cuban family." 2x10

"I may only look two or three years older than you, but I have the wisdom of that ancient bonsai!" 2x10

"Always take the lemonade. That's Handyman 101! So you watched Jeopardy with them and then what? Well, now we know what your problem is! You fixed their toilet, but you didn't fix their souls. Elena, growing up, I had everything. But I was always alone. I don't want my tenants to feel that way, so I do more than just fix stuff. Apartment 306, macrame with Mrs. Watson. 201, lose at chess to Mr. Roth. 402, listen to all their Cuban nonsense. That's the job. That's what takes four hours. That's the difference between being a handyman and a super." 2x10

Has heard 'you're fired' a lot. 2x10

"After a grueling 30 minutes of thought, Nikki, will you be my starter wife? You're on the rebound. That's the best time to get married. You don't have time to think. So you were never thinking about me? My emotions? My feelings? You used me, Nikki, Finn's mom! And not in the way I like! And that's not all, Sister Barbara. We knew each other. Biblically. And while we were doing it, she took the Lord's name in vain. A lot!" 2x11

"Last night, I was testing the pH of the water in my seahorse ranch and, as I looked at those vomiting little guys, I realized I suck at tests. All tests. Drug, sobriety, vision, IQ, smog. You name it, I fail it!" 2x12

"Have you ever been arrested?” “Does public nudity at a hockey game count?” “There is, uh, no mention of a public nudity charge in your file.” “Oh, you just go to YouTube and type in 'Zam-boner.'" 2x12

"Yeah, they didn't specifically ask if I got drunk and tried to ride a moose, so after that I was golden." 2x12

"How important is having kids to you?" "Never really thought about it." 2x12

"I'll have you know I babysat my babysitter's kids while she was babysitting my dad, so, yeah, I got a little experience under my belt. Oh, it's my cousin Gordy. He still thinks I'm full-on Canadian. All right, good news is Gordo bought it. Bad news is I'm judging a poutine festival in Saskatoon next week." 2x12

"You're the single greatest mother I know." "Thank you. That means a lot coming from a guy with five moms." 2x12

"Fuzzy Afghan she likes, picture of the Pope, picture of a different Pope, picture of your dad, picture of the family, picture of me with the family, picture of me by a waterfall. I'm just gonna keep talking 'cause I'm not good in crisis situations." 2x13

"It's so crazy how we're both immigrants. I mean, I would never compare my story to yours, but the parallels are spooky. You were 18, I was 18. You left your family behind. I left four step-families, a maid, a butler, a chauffeur, and a horse groomer who really got me. But Father was expanding his business to the US and so I had to go. I remember, at the airport, I was crying. But Father put his arm around me and he said, 'Son, only losers cry.' So that was a long flight. You don't know how dirty a dirty look can get until you're crying for a whole plane ride and you're not a baby. I really didn't wanna be in America. So I drank. And I recreated the snowy plains of Canada with cocaine. I'm told I attended classes at Pepperdine University, but I will have to take that on faith. So, I'm in a detox center in El Segundo. This was my fourth rehab. My re-re-re-rehab. I thought I'd been doing a kickass job keeping my drug stuff a secret from all the tenants and then you showed up in my room at that clinic. You brought me sopa de pollo and said it's Cuban penicillin. You told me, 'You eat this, you get some sleep, and tomorrow, you try again.' And then you tucked me in and kissed me good night on my forehead. Forehead kisses are wildly underrated. Just something really comforting about 'em. Then again, it might just be you. Dad never did that. Or my horse groomer. After I got out of rehab, I started hanging around your apartment a lot more, 'cause it helped. Back then, it must have felt like you had this annoying, intrusive guy over. Not like now. 'Cause now you're my family. Don't worry. I haven't legally changed my last name to Alvarez. My lawyer said it was a whole thing, so... Anyway, Pen said no crying, so I'm not gonna. Actually, for once, I agree with Father. Only losers cry. And we're not losing anybody today. Let's hit that oath ceremony soon, okay?" 2x13

#schneider #reference #odaat #one day at a time

11 notes · View notes

cinful-stories · 7 years

Text

Thanksgiving with the Suitors

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my fellow American MidCin bloggers! I hope your day has been/was filled with warm memories and delicious food. Here’s a fun, humorous fanfic about all the suitors and the Princess having a dinner at Wysteria’s palace for Thanksgiving. I hope you enjoy! No warnings.

“King Byron, could you pass me the casserole?”

“Pass the dressing to Giles, please.”

“Leo, you took my silverware!”

“Nico! Stop stepping on my foot!”

It is a lively day for Wysteria’s royal court. Autumnal festivities have infiltrated the interior of the palace in the form of plastic leaves, burnt orange dinner plates, and gold garland. Faux animal fur is scattered throughout the halls, and the candles on the chandeliers had been changed from eggshell white to a soft brown. The faint aroma of pumpkin spice and cinnamon mysteriously follows guests from room to room. A live orchestra strums softly in the corner of the palace’s dining hall; however, the sultry sound was drowned out entirely by the buzz of bubbly conversation.

“By God, Albert! You're being rather stingy with the cranberry sauce,” Byron muses, grinning affectionately at his trusty knight.

Albert grumbles something under his breath before begrudgingly passing the bowl of red liquid to Nico. A light shade of pink dusts his cheeks.

“I never would’ve pegged you as a sugar addict Al, but I guess that’s why you’ve been losing steam on the sparring field lately," Nico jests, elbowing Albert in the ribcage.

"You think you’re so funny, don’t you?”

“I don’t know Albert,” a voice calls from the kitchen. “I think I can beat you any day, whether you’ve had sweets or not.”

“Alyn!” the Princess Elect admonishes, hissing sharply.

As the young lady spoke, the intoxicating aroma of seasoned meat wafts into the dining hall and into the nostrils of the eight men gathered around her. While the banquet table was lengthy and spacious, there was not enough adequate room to seat ten diners. Each person rubs elbows with the next, clanging drinking glasses together involuntarily like wind chimes. The Princess Elect perches at the head of the table, massaging her temples delicately. The only member of the eccentric party that is missing was Alyn, who is preoccupied with crafting the turkey in the next room.

“What’s taking so long?” Leo gripes, raising his voice above the ruckus.

“I told you a few minutes ago that I’m still checking the temperature,” the younger Crawford brother growls, thrusting a thermometer into the thigh of the bird as if the instrument were his sword.

“Perhaps,” Robert begins hesitantly, clamping a firm hand on Leo’s shoulder, “you should consider leaving your brother alone today. The less we trouble him, the faster he’ll work.”

Leo waves his hand dismissively.

“Al’s used to it by now. I’ve been the catalyst of the Crawford family since we were in diapers; he’d never survive without me.”

“Says the one who couldn’t wield a sword if his life depended on it,” Giles adds, smirking devilishly. The party laughs heartily.

“Gentlemen, please,” the Princess begs, grinning wryly. Bags had gathered beneath her eyes, wrenching her flesh downward.

A brief silence falls over the party. Each guest begins picking apart their meals, making approving grunts and moans between bites. Dressing, pecan pie, casseroles, salad, beans, and other fattening treats pile up on each plate like mountains. Alyn joins the group, positioning a steaming, roasted turkey in the center of the banquet table before collapsing in a chair between the Princess and his brother.

“You’re throwing in the towel already? We don’t have enough food yet,” Sid remarks, cheesing toothily.

“Shut up and eat your dinner, Sid,” the knight grumbles, beginning to scoop his own meal onto his plate.

“I’m just saying that I wish we had more. You’re cooking is actually pretty good,” the information dealer admits, casting his eyes downward in a bashful manner.

“Thank you,” Alyn says gratefully. “That means a lot.”

“Sid’s right. This might be your best work yet, Mr. Crawford,” Byron toasts, raising a celebratory glass toward the young man.

“I’ll second that," Duke Howard smiles. "I haven’t had a Thanksgiving meal as splendid as this since I attended the Autumnal Festival in Laurelia five years ago."

"It is really good, but I’m used to it. Alyn’s been our family’s designated chef for Thanksgiving since we were teenagers. I’ve been privileged enough to eat his turkey for years,” Leo praises, patting his younger brother on the back.

“Lucky bastard,” Sid murmurs.

“Sid, watch your tongue in the presence of a noble lady,” Giles chastises, cutting his eyes warily at the Princess. She waves her hand as if the pardon the insulting word.

“Sometimes I think you should’ve been a culinary chef instead of a knight, Alyn. You would probably enjoy that job more. You’d be away from Giles and your brother, at least,” Robert laughs.

“You act as if I’m a plague on this earth, Robert,” the chamberlain chortles.

“Your words, not mine.”

“Boys, please have some self control for one day!” the Princess gripes, slamming the palms of her hand on the edge of the table.

Drinking glasses rattle, and the turkey carcass quivers ominously in the center. The din captures the attention of each suitor seated at the table. Their eyes flicker toward hers like moths to a flame.

“The Princess is right,” Albert says. “We’re all grown men who are expected to serve our respective countries with dignity and pride, but here we are bickering like insolate children.”

“Well said, Mr. Burkhardt,” Duke Howard replies.

“Leave it to Albert to be the one to have a stick lodged so far up his-”

“Nico, that’s enough,” Byron interjects. “My apologies, Your Highness.”

“I hope you will forgive me and Mr. Meier for our rudeness as well, Princess,” Albert says.

“I can apologize for myself, Al. I’m a ‘grown man representing my country with dignity and pride’, remember?” Nico exclaims, mocking the Stein knight.

“You’re such a child, Nico.”

“I’m sorry, Princess. I didn’t mean to be so rude,” the ex-butler says sweetly, melting the Princess’s heart with his cheerful smile.

“Of course the royal court of Stein is the first to apologize,” Louis snaps offhandedly.

“Oh yeah? What’s that supposed to mean, twinkle toes?” Sid inquires, ruffling Louis’s hair with a gloved hand.

The party laughs, and the uncontrollable noise revs up again. At the head of the table, the Princess cradles her head in her hands and groans. It was is if she was herding cats. Abruptly, a hand settles gently on her shoulder.

“Just let loose a little,” Giles comments soothingly. “What else did you expect from inviting us all to a dinner in one room?”

“A humble family dinner with pleasant conversation about political climates and international relations.”

“Then you’re friends with the wrong crowd, Princess,” Alyn pipes up, winking at her jovially.

A sigh emits from her lungs, but a light grin tugs at the corners of her lips.

“No, I think I’m friends with the perfect crowd, and I’m very thankful for that.”

#happy thanksgiving #thanksgiving #American blog #midcin fanfic #midnight cinderella #suitors #holiday #robert branche #byron wagner #nico meier #albert burckhardt #alyn crawford #leo crawford #louis howard #giles christophe #sid arnault #turkey #ikemen series

53 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 6 years

Text

Survey #144

“the kingdom of fear needs compliance to succeed.”

Do you live near the ocean? Like about two hours away. Where did you go on your last date? A breakfast place I don't remember the name of. Is the area you live in more liberal or conservative? Conservative. Are you tan? I'm pale as fuck. Your opinion on capital punishment? I'm for it in extreme cases. Generally, are you more likely to blame others or yourself for problems you experience? Uhhh idk? I'd say I'm pretty reasonable with who I blame. What is one thing about your life that you don’t ever see changing, even if you might wish it would? Anxiety to at least some degree, especially socially. At what point in your life have you been the most social or had the most friendships? And at which point have you been the least social? Elementary school, maybe? Least social, now. Have you ever been somewhere and REALLY didn't like a food that you were expected to eat? How did you deal with this? Are you someone who is likely to suck it up and be polite or refuse and save your taste buds? Uh yeah, and it depends on who I'm with. Although I have a VERY hard time hiding if I don't like something. What is something you’ve been particularly grateful for lately? Sara. What kind of change or opportunity would be the biggest help in your life right now? A suitable job. When was the last time you believed there might be something seriously medically wrong with you? What was the ultimate diagnosis? Umm maybe... oh yeah, when my extreme dizziness showed up. Turns out I just have vertigo. What is one illness you are afraid of having? Do you know anyone who has faced this illness? ALZEIMERS. And yes. How do you tend to behave when you’re sick? What kinds of things do you like people to do for you, if anything, to help you feel better? I can be crabby for sure. I also sleep more. I really appreciate people helping me just stay in bed, ex. getting something for me. When was the last time you did something you were proud of? Were other people proud of you as well? Does it matter to you whether or not other people care about your accomplishments, or is your own satisfaction enough? I decided to return to school, and Mom, Sara, Colleen, and my therapist were really proud, at least. And tbh I'm pretty seriously offended if people I actually care about aren't. What is your least favorite thing about the season you’re currently experiencing? Are you okay with most types of weather, or are you only happy under certain conditions? The fucking heat. I'm picky with weather. When was the last time you tried something you’ve never tried before? How likely are you to break from your routine and try new things? I tried blue cheese while out to eat and I actually wanted to die. I really don't try new things a lot. What are some ways your childhood differed from those of others around you? Do you think this difference was harmful or advantageous in the long run? My parents fought way too much, and it was indisputably harmful. When was the last time you did something out in nature? Do you notice a dip in your mood when you don’t get enough of the Great Outdoors? Good question? It's too hot for that shit. To the latter question, no. Do you think people who are fighting should revert to gun duels? Um no? Ever passed noted in class? Do you wish you could do that at work? Yeah, but only if someone else prompted it. I was too afraid of being caught. I don't go to work, so. Are you allergic to anything unusual? If so, what? No. What was the last lengthy packet you filled out? Something for vocational rehab. When was the last time you changed your opinion on a relatively big or serious issue? Overall, do you feel your opinions on things have changed a lot since you were younger or do you still feel the same about many things? What is one opinion you never see yourself changing? Abortion. It didn't entirely change, but I nevertheless had an adjustment to it. My opinions have changed a looot when I was younger. One opinion that will never, ever change is my support of gay rights. Are you good at getting along with other people even if they have vastly different views from yours? When was the last time you had to interact with someone like this, and how did it go? Yup, pretty damn good at that. And Colleen, which goes just fine most of the time. When was the last time you congratulated someone? Were you happy for them, indifferent, jealous? Sara, and of course I was happy. What was the last milestone you reached in your life (graduating, buying a car, starting a family, etc)? What milestone are you going for next, if any? Recovery. Getting a job will probs be the next (believe me, milestone for me). When are you most likely to scream (either out of fright, anger, or whatever)? Do you scream or yell often? When was the last time someone screamed at you (or in your presence)? When I'm in pain. I don't yell often. Don't remember for the last question. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? No. How many calendars are in your house? Four, but three are mine of meerkats just to collect. What is one song you feel as though you sing particularly well, if any? I dunno. Besides money, what is something you would like to have more of in your life? Social life. How many people have you seen naked (not including family members)? One. Do you own any jerseys? No. Have you ever been in an unconventional relationship (long distance, polyamorous, same gender, age gap, etc)? if so, what challenges did this relationship present, and were they worth overcoming? Long distance same-sex one. The biggest challenge above all is not being able to physically be there if one of us needs help or just want each other's company. The second is homophobia where I live; I didn't worry about it almost at all up there with her, but while she was here, even holding her hand made me a tad bit nervous, only because I'm afraid of me or her being attacked in some way. Now the fear doesn't hold me back from acting like she's my gf, but it's still a concern. Both things though are 100% worth going through. Would you ever consider something like a poly relationship, assuming everyone involved was alright with it? What are some things you think you would or wouldn’t like about it? NOPE. What is the most unhealthy relationship (whether friendship or romantic) you’ve ever had? What made it so unhealthy? Do you still talk to each other? Ummm I dunno. I haven't really had unhealthy ones. Have you ever remained good friends with an ex? Yeah. Do you have an addictive personality? Very. Do you own any snowglobes? No but I want. Will you eat burnt popcorn? Slightly burnt, barely. Have you ever been called a tease? I'm perfectly aware I define that oops. What is your all-time favorite romance movie? The Notebook don't @ me. Name something random in the same room as you: Uhhhh I have this shipwreck light beside my bed that's just for decoration. Came from a flea market and it's seriously cool. It's never on tho. What were the last plans you made? How about cancelled? Colleen and her sister invited me over for a little girl's night. Turned into me being a pussy with strong alcohol and thus becoming the subject of ridicule lmao. It was fun. Cancelled plans, uhhhh. Idk. What was the last big decision you made? Go back to school. What was the subject of your last phone conversation? The iguana I'm getting tOMORROW. Do you like watermelons more or cherries? Not a big fan of either, but watermelon. Have you seen any of the seven wonders of the world in person? Don't even remember them all, but I can pretty much guarantee no.

#survey #quiz #questions

3 notes · View notes

marzgurl · 7 years

Video

youtube

This post is about addiction, and not only to substances, but also to someone going through an abusive relationship who may be addicted to their abuser. Before beginning, I want to link you all to two other posts regarding an old friend of mine and the abuse she has suffered and continues to suffer at her abusive girlfriend’s hands. These have all been written over the course of a little over the past year.

The original core story of everything that happened

Additional information, tied back to information given by this same counselor in this video you see above

I cannot stress how much I love this counselor, Kris Godinez, and how much I believe everyone needs to hear the words of a counselor every so often. Why do I write these blogs about watching an old friend go through abuse? Because although I could not help her, talking about what I watched happen to her might help someone else. Tying it back to the words of a licensed professional counselor may be additionally helpful. What I’m going to do here is occasionally quote Kris and then give an example of something exactly like this I saw happening to my friend.

“What we tend to do is, when we are in the throes of our addiction, we will deny, we will rationalize, we will excuse, we will make up stories, we will lie, we will cheat, we will do whatever to protect whatever our drug of choice is.”

When we began confronting our friend and telling her that we were seeing signs that she was being abused, this is exactly what would happen. Our friend began denying that anything bad was really happening, or would begin saying that she didn’t think it was all THAT bad. She also began lying to me about little things all the time, about what her girlfriend was really saying or doing, or lying to me about what she was actually communicating back and forth with her girlfriend about what she was or wasn’t telling her. I remember, I told her I didn’t want to have a friendship with her if she felt like she had to lie to her girlfriend about doing things with me. It turned out she was beginning to lie to her girlfriend about hanging out with me (because the girlfriend would get mad that we were hanging out together), and then she’d turn around and lie to me and say that she wasn’t hiding our friendship from her girlfriend when she actually was. The day she got stalked and Josh and I were both there to witness it happen, she was noticeably shaken, but STILL tried to minimize how bad she thought it was.

“You show me somebody leaving an abuser, I will show you somebody going through withdrawals. Absolutely. And the only way to get through that withdrawal is period is to absolutely go no contact. None. Zip, zero, zilch, nada. Because if you start thinking, ‘Oh, well, if I just have a LITTLE of the heroin, I should be fine.’ No. No, no. No. No.”

This is why my friend is still under the influence of abuse. The day we as a group of friends tried to be there in support of her, when we showed her her girlfriend’s tumblr post in which she admitted to being in a polyamorous relationship when it was never discussed with my friend (i.e, she was being cheated on) as well as showing her exposing my friend’s sexual identity to the world without her permission, my friend was INCREDIBLY ready to finally cut ties with her abuser. We were all there for her that night, and we helped her try to find the right words to break the ties. But when it finally came time to do it, she couldn’t, no matter how much support she had. She broke those ties only temporarily. And after that, she instead broke ties with all the rest of her friends who tried to help her and started casually talking to her abuser again, which got her back into the scenario she has been in for years. “[The abusive narcissists] are the ones who will continue to keep around ex’s, these are the ones who will continue to keep around family members or friends or they’ll kinda keep them just out of reach but just in case they need them. Just in case they need a back door, just in case this particular relationship doesn’t work out, they got somebody else they can go back to.”

This was true of this particular abuser (who, I must remind, was once a friend of mine and whom I was connected to on many social networks for years). They kept many of their ex’s in their friends lists, including the people they cheated WITH, not just ON.

“Generally, when you are dealing with someone who is narcissistic, they are serial cheaters, in some way, shape, or form.”

This was also true, provable, and traceable. Some early LiveJournal posts from this abuser give a timeline of cheating on their first boyfriend from high school with a slightly older man that she met at an anime convention, and further showed her glee in stringing him along after the relationship, making him think he could still be more in the future when she had no intention of returning to him. Later on down the road, she would write another journal (some posts of which can still be found on the Wayback Machine) about a relationship she gleefully tore apart. This is what lead to her relationship with my old friend who still continues to experience the abuse today. She wrote about participating first in a relationship with my friend’s old boyfriend, knowingly participating in a cheating relationship. When the boyfriend gained a conscience and fessed up, he tried remaining friends with this abuser and fessing up to his girlfriend about what he did. By that point, it was too late. Since the abuser couldn’t have the boyfriend, she aimed for my other friend, the girl that she’s been abusing now for nearly ten years. She used this blog I reference to then gleefully write about participating in a cheating relationship with the girlfriend instead, hoping that it was hurting the boyfriend. The new girlfriend (my old friend who has now been abused by this abuser for years), eventually left her boyfriend for the abuser, thinking the abuser was a much better person. But then eventually came the tumblr proof that her abuser was cheating on her in a “polyamorous” relationship she wasn’t aware of. I had my suspicions that this wasn’t the first time this had happened between the two of them, either, but it’s not something I can prove. The abuser is absolutely a serial cheater, and is almost proud of it and writes about it almost every time it happens.

“What I love to do is I love to have my addicts that I work with, I love to have them write a letter to their drug of choice. ...I have them write a goodbye letter. Write a goodbye letter and let’s see how you’re feeling about this, how you feel about saying goodbye to this drug of choice. That also includes the abuser. ...I’ve also had people sit on my couch that are addicted to abusive relationships cry that they didn’t wanna say goodbye to their abuser because they thought they were gonna die without their abuser, when truth of the matter is their abuser’s gonna kill ‘em. ...They are going to kill them by killing their soul, killing their livelihoods, killing their friendships, killing their family connections...”

This, to somewhat repeat myself, is precisely what happened that night when my friend appeared ready to leave her abuser a little over a year ago, but didn’t. She was very gung-ho about leaving a goodbye text. Then we gathered all of her things from her home because we were convinced the abuser would try to show up at her house (she did). But when it came time to do it, pulling the trigger on giving a no-uncertain-terms goodbye was absolute murder. She was telling us, “I regret telling you I would do this,” and she sat on our couch in tears totally unable to do it. And even after she gave her own version of goodbye, she still went back to the abuser. And it’s just like Kris Godinez said here, I watched the abuser kill little parts of her. I watched her kill her public image of having an online name in cosmetic designs that was actually going somewhere, all so that the abuser could take it away from her and have her own public cosmetics image. I watched the abuser systematically try to put a wrench in my victim friend’s ability to get together with her friend that she decided were a threat, people like Josh and myself. Regularly, the abuser tried to make up excuses so that my victim friend would drop everything she was doing (including plans with me) to go take care of the abuser who was not ever actually in any sort of trouble or peril. And after all of this, she won, and my friend pushed myself and all of her other concerned friends out of her life. Now, she has been isolated only to the people that the abuser chooses, all people who do not know about the abuse and are not concerned for my old friend’s well being.

“What isolation means is, you’re having to look over your shoulder all the time. ...You’re having to report to your abuser where you are and how long you’re with somebody and what was said about them...”

This is basically what I was talking about in the paragraph above. In the case of the day I was out with my friend and she discovered she was being stalked in the park by her abuser, she LITERALLY started looking over her shoulder for where her abusive girlfriend was, and it was a horrifyingly painful and sad thing to witness. She was downright scared, yet still tried to play it off like it was nothing. There were many times when we were together that she was absolutely not unplugged from her phone. The abuser was constantly sending texts and expecting her to be on Skype. She would have to walk away and take phone calls from her abuser constantly throughout the day. I can remember a time specifically when I heard her receive a text message from her abuser, and she just shouted out loud, “God, no, you don’t need to know where I am right now!” This was a constant thing all the time, and it was heartbreaking.

“[If] they are acting as an abuser through you, and you are the abuse by proxy, you’re abusing your family and friends because you’re allowing them to, that’s isolation.”

I definitely felt abused by my friend toward the end of our friendship. In order to keep up her relationship with her abuser, she had to lie at every turn. And that included lying to me, someone who did nothing but tried to help her in everything she ever wanted to do. I gave her the means and the outlet to become the host of a YouTube make up show like she’d wanted to do for a long time, I connected her with some really great people who thought she was lovely and talented and wanted to work with her, I bought her a new pair of work shoes so that she wouldn’t have to go to her abuser to get an old pair of work shoes back. But she would still lie to me and cancel our plans because the abuser would just show up and rewrite what she was going to be doing that day. And she wouldn’t tell me, “My girlfriend’s here now.” She would lie and say, “Sorry I can’t treat you to that Starbucks drink I promised. I have a headache.” But I would tell her, “But I see you and your girlfriend are together right now, thanks to social media. Why did you feel like you had to lie to me about that? If you were gonna be with her instead, just say so. Don’t lie to me.” She would do it so often over so many things, and when I’d ask her, “Did I do something wrong for you to lie to me so much?” She’d say, “No, you didn’t... I don’t know why I do it, and I sometimes don’t even realize I’m doing it.” Josh once said to her, “I’m scheduling a day to celebrate getting a new job, and I hope you can come celebrate with us.” She said back, “I’m going to be busy that day.” He replied, “I didn’t even tell you what day it was going to be yet.” We were always checking up on her and her well being. And after a while, if it didn’t have anything to do with make up or filming a new video or something having to do with the Marvel Cinematic Universe or something like that, she wasn’t reaching out to me at all. She never asked, “Hey, how are you? What are you up to? Do you want to do anything today?” After a while, I began feeling very used, and when I became too much of a threat to that abusive relationship because I was being a better “partner” in a way than her girlfriend was being to her, the abuser managed to win and get my friend to finally push me away for good and get me out of her life.

“We start kicking out the people that see we are addicted. ...When we are a target of abuse, if we’re deep in it and we haven’t hit that rock bottom yet and we’re in denial, we do the same thing. We get angry at the family and the friends who try to do an intervention. And we start trying to punt them out of our lives ‘cause we don’t wanna hear it ‘cause of the cognitive dissonance.”

This, literally what I was just saying above. My friend became really angry at me and several other friends who started trying to help her in pointing out the abuse and trying to help her get out. Nevermind the fact that there were tons of abusive facts that she was starting to bring up all on her own and she was realizing she hated it. As soon as we actually tried to help her get out of it and she realized how real it was, she hated us for trying to help her, and she kicked us all out of her life. She only kept around certain friends at a distance, as well as one friend who knows to this way how deep in the abuse my old friend is, but allows the abuse to continue because she wants to remain friends with both the victim and the abuser. This is not how you help an abused person. This will allow them to continue to be abused.

“As a family member or a friend, what can you do? Well, all you can do is be not an enabler. ...Oftentimes I will hear family and friends say, ‘Oh my God, we’re so afraid of saying something because we don’t want to lose the friendship, we don’t want to lose our brother or our sister, we don’t want to lose our daughter, we don’t want to lose our son. Because if we say something, they’re gonna get mad.’ Well, if you don’t say something and the abuse continues to the point where it becomes physically violent and your son, daughter, brother, sister ends up getting killed, you’re gonna feel like shit if you didn’t say anything.”

Exactly this. This is why I tried so hard to say something to my friend. I had some other friends who knew about the abuse but were very scared of saying something because they knew it’d put strain on the relationship. It was absolutely maddening, that I knew so many people who could see the abuse going on with their own two eyes, but they were not at any point willing to speak up because they were too scared to strain the friendship. What they didn’t realize is that they were by proxy aiding in the abuse by saying nothing. It’s sickening that people who considered themselves to be friends of this person and still be able to sit there and watch the abuse happen. And you’d better believe, I was DEFINITELY concerned about violence cropping up in their relationship. Another friend said to her on the last day we ever saw her, breaking down into tears while saying it, “I just want you to be okay, and I don’t want to see you like another friend of mine, broken and bleeding on the kitchen floor.” As my friend cried remembering this moment that happened to another abused friend, my old victim friend went to her and hugged her to try to comfort her. Didn’t matter. That next day or so, she’d kicked her and the rest of us out of her life. Do I regret trying to help her, even though our friendship ended over it? No. Not in the slightest. Because in the end, she if she ever finally has had enough of the abuse in her life and has had enough of being taken advantage of, she will be able to trace back years of moments where we tried to show her what was up. I don’t care if we get the credit for it. So long as she realizes that abuse was always there because we pointed it out to her, then that’s fine with me. She has that information, and now she can use it in the way that best suits her.

“[Reading from an article] In fact, a minority of unstable individuals at the mutual infatuation stage morphs into something quite different, into a one-sided obsession in which one partner increasingly attempts to mold and shape the other into the object of which they could play out his or her fantasy.”

A link to the article being read from - https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-human-equation/201708/if-i-cant-have-you-no-one-can

I watched this happen over years, too. The abuser, for one thing, strongly believed herself to be an empath as well as some sort of offshoot of what is known as “Otakukin” or “Otherkin” (although she never referred to herself as such). There are some posts the abuser left in certain forums showing that she believed that she could talk to fictional characters, or that she could allow those fictional characters to use her body to communicate with the world through her. Through my personal encounters with the abuser, through my friends’ accounts with the abuser, and from the victim’s accounts, the abuser was very obsessed with certain fictional pairings. In previous relationships, she tried to make a Sora/Riku relationship from Kingdom Hearts very real. When that relationship ended, she carried that over into her new relationship with my old friend. It didn’t matter who the person was in the relationship. The relationship was always about the OTP (one true pairing) that she could play out in real life. And in just about every scenario, the abuser always picked the more aggressive of the two in the pairing. I watched as a lot of my friend’s fandoms disappeared. At one time, my friend used to really like Super Sentai (the original Japanese source footage for Power Rangers). But because Super Sentai was something associated with her old boyfriend (that the abuser originally tried to take away but she settled for my friend instead), the abuser said she no longer wanted to see Super Sentai or be involved with it, so my friend stopped watching altogether. Instead, the abuser’s love of certain video games and online YouTube personalities started to take over. My victim friend is not a gamer and does not own any video game consoles. Everything became about cosplaying video game characters and gaming personalities. It became Sora and Riku, or Vaan and Balthier (Final Fantasy XII), or some characters created for Yogscast or something to that effect, all of which were things my friend didn’t actually have any interest in. My friend told me things got REALLY bad when the abuser got obsessed with Persona 4, and she really believed a lot of the things she was saying and doing when she was cosplaying as Naoto. My friend was lucky this past year that she was able to get out how much she has been enjoying the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but I am uncertain how long this will last. Most of their relationship has been based on the abuser molding my friend to her fantasies, including gender roles, sometimes making my friend feel like she had to be more masculine than she actually felt. I became really concerned when she started opening up to me about that. It was really, really sickening.

“[Reading again from the above-linked article] Unlike the chronic batterer, the second type of potentially lethal ex may have never laid a finger on his or her partner; in fact, in 20 percent of relationship homicides, the murder is the first act of violence. The personality profile of this obsessive ex is an immature and self-centered individual who, in the relationship, constantly craved or demanded attention and affection. Emotional blackmail — crying, threats of self-harm, inducing guilt — may be used to control the partner in the relationship. It is only when these no longer work that violence becomes an option. Stalking and other forms of unwanted pursuit may be used after a breakup in an attempt to maintain or re-establish the intimate relationship. And, taken to the extreme, the obsessive ex may explode in a murderous rage out of the mistaken impression that the very essence of who they are will be psychologically destroyed if they don’t respond to the situation.”

And this is where we draw to a close, because if you read the article in question which I linked at the top of the paragraph above, you can see it lists different stages. And when my friend was JUST about ready to leave the abusive relationship last year, we were beginning to see the signs of the aggressive part of the relationship, right here at the end, including the stalking and randomly showing up at places my friend was at or at her house. And believe me, this abuser is absolutely crazy and believes all of the lies that she creates, including believing she can talk to (or for) fictional characters. My very real, deep concern is that if my friend were to ever try to leave, the abuser would finally threaten acts of violence, even though to the best of my knowledge their relationship abuse has only been emotional and psychological, not physical. Even though I am not in her life anymore, I continue to remain terrified for her well being, because she was just one single step away from getting really physically hurt. I hope and pray that that never happens to her.

That’s about all I can really say for now. My friend made it painfully clear that she was/is very much addicted to her abuser. I recall her telling me that she believed she needed to stay in that relationship because she believed that she had already missed the boat on true love. It was clear that she was now just settling, even though her abuser has been oppressing her, lying to her, and not making good on promises of their future life together, all things that I watched break her heart. Nevertheless, she is addicted. I genuinely hope that she finds herself and the self esteem she needs in order to break out.

Again, I will continue to write these posts in hopes that even one singular person sees it and recognizes this kind of abuse in their own lives. If it helps even one person to talk about the horrible things I’ve watched happen to somebody I care about, then I will keep talking. Thanks, all.

#abuse #emotional abuse #Psychological Abuse #narcissistic abuse #narcissism

18 notes · View notes