#mother who tried her best to be there emotionally but ultimately was focused on her career

[wretchedspecimen]

people who have fucked up relationships with their fathers, let's join hands

#psych #henry spencer #shawn spencer #but in all seriousness #shawn's relationships with his parents are so similar to mine it's scary #like no wonder this is one of my ultimate comfort shows #mother who tried her best to be there emotionally but ultimately was focused on her career #father who had to step in and be both mom and dad but wasn't equipped to handle it and ended up coming off as both extremely #detached and hypercritical #my dad wasn't a cop though thank god

[neonscandal]

Manga With Me: Obscure Head Canons (and Hypotheses) You’d Probably Develop When Reading the JJK Light Novels, Pt 2

Same as before, hypotheses at the end in case you want to keep it light and tight!

Part One

⚠️ Spoiler Warning for Jujutsu Kaisen Thorny Road at Dawn and season 2 of the anime (manga spoilers are vague at best).

Head Canon: The Moral High Ground is Going to Cost You

There's something to be said for sorcerers who operate in secret, careful to not evoke chaos with the existence of their strength and power and that of curses. Moreso when, in the heat of battle, they still factor in the greater good and weigh it against those in immediate danger. We saw it in Shibuya as Gojo used his technique in the presence of countless civilians which still came at a great cost to them. He was a bit more cavalier but the first story focused on Inumaki and his monk-like discipline to never use words carelessly lest he curse those around him.

Curses and curse users are shown to be morally impudent and his careful existence is juxtaposed by a curse user with a similar technique who employs it freely and without giving it a second thought as he tries to capture and subsequently traffick Nobara. Even when backed into a corner, Inumaki is taking hits to avoid accidentally causing harm to Nobara and it does him no favors. This is obviously indicative of a larger theme we see wherein the primary antagonists of JJK are regularly seen frolicking on the beach, playing soccer, playing board games, etc. Meanwhile, the limited stock of sorcerers are regularly having their asses handed to them for the sake of doing the right thing. Another stunning example of this is Nanami Kento when compared directly to Mei Mei.

Head Canon: Perhaps, More Specifically, Emotional Ties to Others Are Going to Cost You

What's funny about this is the fact that this is shown multiple times in a novel that only has five stories. We've already seen it countless times in the anime/manga:

JJK 0 - Yuta's inability to part with Rika curses her.

Season 1 - Megumi saves Yuji or vice versa and it brings about Sukuna and the killing curse upon Tsumiki.

Season 1 - Junpei's mother is used as his breaking point just as Junpei himself is used as leverage against Yuji.

Season 2 - There's something to be said about Riko Amanai and the hopelessness and turmoil her death inspires, whether you want to say Geto was emotionally tied to her or not.

Season 2 - In the story's biggest reveal, we come to realize that Gojo's inability to properly dispose of Geto's body creates a vulnerability Kenjaku is able to exploit.

While the story with Inumaki also ties into this, I think his relationship with Nobara is more proximal and subsequently, his story more or less shows that he is earnest regardless of whose safety is on the line. Emotion being a sliding scale and all, it makes sense that Mechamaru's story is the best example of how, even when there wasn't a physical risk to him, he was still grappling with how best to win a fight against another shikigami user. Mechamaru is uniquely qualified for the fight since his robot body is the only thing that can go into a gas infused curtain. While this is another example of technique matchups, ultimately, it's a far better insight into Mechamaru's presumed pragmatism when weighed against his affection for Miwa. He'd rather potentially gamble a strategic loss than jeopardize a friendship bracelet she'd given him. As for it's impact on the larger story, this heat of the moment desperation to maintain this connection to Miwa is perhaps what later inspires him to be greedier down the line in seeking a new body from Ken!Geto and Mahito and... we see how that turned out.

Head Canon: Gojo is Far More Sentimental Than His Flippancy Suggests

Gojo is constantly on his bull shit. The duality of the strongest sorcerer capable of processing everything who is constantly spouting Digimon references, binging sugary sweets and asking about his colleague's kink satisfaction is my favorite thing, honestly. Gojo cavalierly addresses his responsibilities as a sorcerer, one could argue he's kind of a bad teacher, but he goes out of his way to protect people even if his manner is rude. He point blank told Ijichi to not become a sorcerer lest he be killed which was disrespectful as hell but... the man had a point. Ijichi falls under the purview of Gojo's concern (whether that be as his once kohai or given how useful he is to him now, I won't say) and Gojo pulls strings to make sure that he too is taken care of. Ijichi, the backbone of operations at Jujutsu Tokyo carries that weight unyieldingly because he assumes "it's the least he can do" even though we know that managers actually pave the way for a lot of the goings on in jujutsu society. It's a symbiotic relationship but Ijichi carries every loss, like Yuji's death on a mission, excruciatingly personally. To the point where it wears him down. In the last book, we saw that, following Geto's defection, Gojo recognizes the delicate nature of a person's heart. It's why he entrusts Yuji's mentorship to Nanami. What's interesting about all of this is, if he can see Ijichi's stress and exhaustion, how did he miss Geto's? Maybe that's a burden he also carries. Ironically, I think this harsh way of caring for others is maybe the way of the sorcerers because we see it with Megumi and Nobara in how they treat Yuji.

Head Canon: There's an Obvious Sacrifice of Youth in Jujutsu Society But There's Also Nowhere for Girlhood to Exist

With what we don't see of Mai in the main story, the story that centers on her deciding to go against orders and take on a curse much stronger than her is actually so heartbreaking? Let's start off with the fact that she chose to unnecessarily exorcise a flyhead which is ultimately what forges a connection between her and Yuu, a girl who later became a window for sorcerers. Seems like a small task considering Mai's relative competency but as the story progresses, we get a deep insight into the fact that, the terror Mai had for curses as a kid is still alive and well within her. Whether she can defend herself or not, she is still fearful but she pushes forward "alone" because that's the only choice Maki left her with.

What's interesting about Mai and the Kyoto students is, 1) the sheer volume/concentration of female students compared to Tokyo and, 2) their propensity to attack as a group with the exception of Todo. In JJK 0, Maki remarked that those who are weak tend to have to stick together. I don't mention this as an assessment of the relative strength of Miwa, Nishimoto or Mai (especially since I still think Miwa will get a power up). But this story demonstrates their pack mentality when they were just idling in a cafe like students should but even in not allowing Mai to go after Yuu alone. Their success was because of their reliance on one another but, from what we've seen in Shibuya and what's to come in the culling games... that doesn't bode well for fighters who can't defend on their own.

Mai is a product of one of the big 3 jujutsu families, the Zenin clan being incredibly misogynistic to boot. As such, she is still downtrodden and runs the risk of being admonished even when fulfilling duties in line with what a sorcerer should do. She (and the other girls) are damned if they do and damned if they don't. Additionally, I assume the Kyoto school's tendency to fight as a group is from the influence of Gakuganji (which leads me to think Gojo might be pushing his students a bit more recklessly for the sake of making them stronger). But where there are many characters, specifically adults, who have an outright desire to protect their childhood, I think it's interesting that Mai, Miwa and Nishimoto are doing all they can to hang onto whatever sense of girlhood they can muster. It makes them catty and they seem to espouse some misogynistic ideals of what girls should look like and be but the basis of it is still desperately grasping at something that keeps them soft in the face of terror which, in their own mind, is probably a rebellion to what they know. That and, I think Mai is hyper aware of her weakness. That coupled with her dissatisfaction as a sorcerer ultimately later guides her steps in the resolution of her character arc.

Hypothesis: There's a Reason Gojo is Always Pondering the Figures and Politics of Periods Long Gone

I frequently question what goes on in the mind of Satoru Gojo. He has, for all intents and purposes, all the time in the world to process and compute all the mysteries of the universe. Instead, he asks his coworkers about whether they're caught up on Jump Comics at bars. He's so unserious. But at the same time, he'll immediately follow this silliness with a deep cut like -

"Our precious present rests atop the deeds of our forebears." - Gojo Satoru

He absolutely gets clowned for his random pop culture references and, any time he calls upon a historical reference (of which he seems to be really knowledgeable about), it seems shocking to most of those around him (Shoko notwithstanding). The girls who get it know that Gojo is just as traumatized as Geto. He's just traumatized ✨🤪 where Geto is traumatized 🔪. So this veneer of goofiness belies what is ultimately a really contemplative person and one who holds a clear grievance against jujutsu elders. We know that Gojo telling Megumi about their ancestors locked in battle is obviously something that becomes a critical plot point later (hello, Sukuna showdown which we're not getting into here). It told Megumi he could have power that rivals Gojo's but it was also critical exposition for us as readers. We've also seen that Yuta, a distant, distant Gojo relative is similarly OP and this was established by his ancient connection to Gojo as well. Again, critical exposition into how things fall together when Gojo is no longer on the board. But what I'm hypothesizing is... suppose Gojo had tangential knowledge of Kenjaku this whole time? Kenjaku was clearly wary of Gojo, for good reason, but was Gojo already aware of the existence of the body snatcher? What a reveal that would be.

Hypothesis: There Are Bad Match-Ups But The Best Way To Beat a Cursed User Is With A Stronger Version Of Their Own Technique

So this isn't a comprehensive hypothesis since I know it's only half true. Por ejemplo, in the first two stories Inumaki fought a cursed speech user and Mechamaru fought a shikigami user. The victorious combatants happened to have stronger versions of the shared technique (and maybe a strategic edge). This, of course, lends to the idea that the resolution to this story may lay in the hands of Yuta Okkotsu. Okkotsu can summon immeasurable cursed energy and copy techniques. Who's gonna check him? BUT, in reality, we also know that there are also, canonically bad matchups. For instance, Yuji and Nobara are bad matchups for Mahito - Yuji's soul is protected in a sense and Nobara's technique allows her to strike spilled blood or discarded limbs/extensions of one's body to injure the main body.

We know Sukuna, at this point, is the big bad that will require taking down but we don't know how at this point. Nobara would of course be helpful given the still outstanding fingers but is tentatively off the board for now (this is a hill I will die on). But, are there other allies who haven't been revealed that will help in taking Sukuna down or will it all come down to Yuta? At this point, Gege wrote themselves into a box they are trying to course correct with the in universe power scale but I'm curious how things will fall.

What do you think? There's a fifth story that is super heartwarming and too sad to write about given the conclusion of season 2 so go read the novel for yourself and let me know your thoughts!

#manga with me #manga with me jjk #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #anime #manga #headcanon #head canon #meta analysis #manga analysis #jjk light novel #thorny road at dawn #jjk meta #meta #gojo satoru #yuji itadori #inumaki toge #nobara kugisaki #mechamaru #muta kokichi #mai zenin #yuta okkotsu #kiyotaka ijichi

[joondaya]

[ “the right guy just gotta show up”

“do i count?”

“well, he’s gotta show up and you know… stay around” ]

[ “i’m the guy who shows up, remember?” ]

[ “can you believe ricky showed up?” ]

[ “you can’t not show up?” ]

ej shows up at the airport for gina but the first sign of trouble he doesn’t stay around, ready to shut gina out of his life. gina has to chase him down to make him stay with her.

ej shows up for gina as soon as the cast list is announced but doesn’t (mentally and emotionally) stay around to listen to her tell him all her worries. instead he shows to be far away in the moment.

ej shows up once again after their argument about him keeping things from her, telling her that he wants to fight for them. but that same day he once again doesn’t stay long enough when all she wanted to spend the day with him.

so here we have gina doing her “hail mary” and ej shows up but makes it clear that he can’t stay around because he has to go back to work. but most importantly he is not staying with her for her hail mary. he, in fact, rejects her promposal.

this time ej doesn’t show up for gina but promises to do so. gina believes him because ej is “the guy that shows up”. and yet here she is on the dance floor and ej is nowhere to be found. he didn’t show up for her, let alone stay for her.

personally i don’t think the argument is that ej doesn’t show up. because it’s undeniable that he has shown up for gina before. the argument comes on the fact that as much as he tries to stay (and we can see him trying because he is fighting for it) he never actually succeeds.

i find it interesting that “staying around” comes a second thought in that scene in season 2 and for the rest of the show. because gina (and the audience) is so focused on who is showing up for her and forgetting that they have to stay around as well. “ej shows up for gina” he does. or has tried to for the most part of the show. but after a while he leaves and gina has to chase him down.

but what i find the most interesting part is not the parallels of ricky showing up for gina but how ricky makes sure everyone is also showing up for gina. ricky is making sure that he is simply not just showing up, but giving it his all and being the best leading man that gina deserves. he makes sure that jet is not just showing up but that he is working his best for gina because that’s what he knows gina deserves.

for me the parallels are not “ej showed up for gina here and ricky didn’t” or “ricky showed up for gina here and ej didn’t” but the circumstances of what they’re showing up to, their intentions, how it affects gina and her reaction to them, and ultimately what comes after them “showing up”. these are my following observations but feel free to disagree although it won’t change my mind.

airport:

- ej was free, and the only one with a car (does not mean he was obligated to show up but if anyone was to get her, it would have been him. it is a nice gesture nonetheless)

- ricky was not in the same state, dealing with his heartbreak, restoring his relationship with his mother

cast list:

- ej gives gina flowers and calls her a star. it’s actually very sweet of him, but then she tries to open up to him and he doesn’t listen as his anxiety is building up. due to that he doesn’t allow himself to have fun and spend the night with her

- ricky says he is proud of her. gina doesn’t share her insecurities with him like she would have done before because she believes it’s now something to share with her boyfriend

rcosl:

- ej is hiding the fact that he might not be able to spend next year with gina. gina expresses that they’re having vastly different summers. ej goes to ricky to understand why gina is upset

- ricky minds his own business throughout most of the episode, apologises to gina for being intense. gina opens up to him because the person she believes she should open up to does not open up to her nor has given her space to open up.

color war:

- ej reassures gina that he is trying his best to stay for gina and that’s why he has been distant. all gina wants is to spend the day together because this is something he loves to do. he doesn’t show up and that upsets her and yet she still prepares the sweetest gesture for him that he ends up rejecting

- ricky is there being supportive and making her laugh. he helps her with making a promposal for ej and leaves her happy with her boyfriend

camp prom:

- ej promises gina a dance. not only he rejects her when she asks, at the same time he manages to keep her hopes up that she will eventually get one. however he doesn’t show up for the dance. even worse, he doesn’t apologise at all.

- ricky makes sure she is okay and prioritises her feelings over his. he is there for her as much as she allows him to be.

as i said, i find it interesting that since the topic of “showing up” has been brought up in the show, each time ricky doesn’t show up is because he has no means to. which is widely different reasoning for ej not showing up, as for him it often has to do with decisions he makes himself. he is undeniably in immense pressure but at the end of the day he still chose what to prioritise and focus on. gina understood his responsibilities and was willing to work through it. all she really wanted was to be put first for once.

and as gina said, she deserves to be more than a “maybe”. which honestly i think it also links to ricky and gina. ricky needed to have closure with nini before allowing himself to accept the feelings he has for gina because she deserves more than just “what ifs” and “maybes”

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts season 3 #gina porter #ricky bowen #ricky x gina #rina #ricky and gina #gina x ricky #rina hsmtmts #hsmtmts rina #rina endgame

[memento-morri-writes]

for fallon: 💢, 🌙, 🎭, 🔪, and 🔥 from this oc (x) game too? :3 - 🔮⛈

Holy shit, enchant, you really went all out here!! And I'm NOT complaining! :D

💢 - what are some habits they have that will take some getting used to?

I don't think she exactly has any typically annoying habits, especially in the manners department, since she was raised to be a Queen. But, she does very much brush people off when she's stressed, so if you were to spend a lot of time around her, you'd need to get used to the idea that you might get snapped at or ignored, even if she doesn't really mean it.

🌙 - what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?

Fallon doesn't really have a greatest wish at the moment. At least not that she's conciously aware of. She's been so focused on just keeping the kingdom going and keeping herself together that she hasn't really had time to think about her own desires. I think that ultimately, however, she wants to be the kind of Queen that her mother would be proud of. Also, more secretly and more deeply, she's a little bit lonely, and she would really like to have someone she can truly trust. However, both of those things aren't really things she has complete control over, so they're things that she is more so hopeful that they happen.

Putting the rest under the cut because they got VERY long!

🎭 - do they act differently around certain people? what's different between the way they act around friends, family, strangers, etc.?

Oh, absolutley. Fallon has a "Queen voice", which I guess you could compare to a "customer service voice". When she's dealing with people who need to respect her, most of the time, she puts on this persona of elegance and confidence. She's the Queen, and while she may be kind, she will take no bullshit. But she still has to be polite, since nobility is often easily offended. She keeps everything tightly in check, from her facial expressions to her movements. Though sometimes she lets it slip when she's well and truly had enough (she's stubborn and sometimes that slips through), she mostly tries to keep the air of composure. (Not to mention trying to keep her composure when dealing with idiots...) Around people she trusts, Fallon can relax, but those people are few and far between. However, she's more likely to relax physically (less upright posture, more loose and casual with her movements) as well as socially. Around friends she laughs more, and when she does, it's loud and genuine, not a polite laugh that she puts on for parties. She's also much more physical with her affection, more willing to touch and be touched, be it hugs or just sitting near/against someone.

🔪 - how do they react to injury / misfortune befalling their loved ones (significant other, family, friends)? do they put themselves at blame?

Fallon is absolutely the kind of person to blame herself. She already blames herself for her mother's death, thinking that she should have noticed, should have known that something was off, somehow realized what her father was planning. In her darker moments, she wishes she had been at the Palace, been able to try and do something, even though the rational part of her knows that it would have ended in her death as well. In general, she takes anything bad that happens to her loved ones very hard. After losing her mother, and her father's betrayal, Fallon is absolutely terrified of losing people close to her. This, combined with her tendency to blame herself, makes her take such things very hard.

🔥 - do they have any self destructive tendencies? what habits do they have that hinder them from becoming their best self?

Oh, absolutely. When she's stressed or hurting (physically or emotionally), Fallon pushes other away, sometimes so violently that she permanently damages relationships. She will keep her suffering to herself, claiming that she's fine until she physically can't deny it anymore. And even sometimes then she'll try and keep up with the cherade. What she doesn't realize is that this is not only incredibly harmful to herself for obvious reasons (not accepting help/denying that she's not okay), by doing this, Fallon is also causing her loved ones to suffer as well. Because seeing someone you love in pain, and them not letting you help them... that's a special kind of torture. Fallon needs to learn that it's okay to accept help, and that it's okay to not be okay. She thinks that she has to do everything alone, which is complete and utter bullshit.

THANK YOU ENCHANT!! I love you, and you ask the absolute best questions!! I literally can't imagine a better set of questions for Fallon as a character.

#morrigan replies #atqh: Fallon #oc asks

[mc-critical]

On Hatice’s character, I feel like she more or less was cheated of a better character arc which could’ve made her more likeable or easier to understand (almost everyone I’ve encountered who is into the series has extreme distaste for her character.) Though I don’t necessarily feel any particular form of intensity towards her character I do wish she could have been explored a bit more? I can see why she wasn’t likely due to time constraints/needing to stay consistent with plot lines but it would have been nice to see. I feel like everytime Hatice was on screen, mentioned, or involved in the plot line it was in conjunction to or in relation to Ibrahim. Even after Ibrahim was dead, Hatice’s whole storyline was just..Ibrahim. It was clear that she was emotionally unstable and dealt with attachment issues from the start of the series, likely resulting trauma from her father’s bloody reign. We’re told she was “her parent’s favorite/the spoiled one” according to her siblings, we’re hinted at some sort of past fued between her and Sah but no real context. We rarely got to see her interact with her children. It’s like we only were given tiny bits and pieces of Hatice as her own person and everything else about her just existed to string Ibrahim along. It’s quite sad..what do you think?

Eh, I absolutely adore Hatice as a character and I feel she got a very solid, well-written character arc. I'm pleased with what we got with her in the show and I think that her nuance tends to be massively overlooked.

The center of her character is not really Ibrahim, but rather the line between family and dynasty. And while that seems to be attributed with Ibrahim in the strongest way, it also channels in who Hatice is as a person and her interactions with other characters like her mother, Süleiman and Hürrem.

Hatice has always been the sultana of blood that is closest to the dynasty, but also the one that wants to detach the most from it. As you said, she had lingering trauma from her father's reign /which indeed is only hinted, to be honest, but that's the whole backstory of Selim Yavuz, what we got from his cruelty in the show was basically hints two flashbacks. We were told by Süleiman of his defining deed, we were told by Valide and Hatice that they saw his father in him, but the rest remained pretty much vague, which isn't a problem with Hatice's character. However, it may come off as a problem with SS's character, since more backstory would better explain his paranoia outside of actions of the "suspects" taken out of context, would render Mustafa's death a little more understandable and would highlight even more his character arc, for Selim Yavuz was his "Azraeel", according to him, but that is a post for another day./, but on a more personal note, she has witnessed the death her former husband, which puts her panic and fear over death in another light. Her backstory isn't that focused on, because it's not all that important for her character arc: because while Mahidevran has to get over her past and Şah Sultan tries to consistently set herself for the future, Hatice has to face the events of the present. She's an effective deconstruction of the Princess Classic trope she started up as: an innocent, fragile, kind hearted princess, no sign of trauma whatsoever who strives to create a family of her own, as a bonus. After she meets Ibrahim, she feels like she wants to be in that adventure with him, she not only falls in love with him, but he fills her with hopes and dreams for a better life. Look how when she marries him she wanted to get out of Topkapi as soon as possible and always repeated that she wanted for them to be a family, that she wanted to have piece. Even her love for Ibrahim is much more deep seated than some plain obsession that is only used as a plot device or to prop him up. She's grown with beliefs that have been a part of her life and sometimes she lets them out out of sheer ignorance, no matter how much independence she wants in her personal life. Her whole relationship with Ibrahim is a back and forth conflict between dynasty and family that is only a vector for her arc, not the entirety of it.

It's often ignored how pivotal is Hatice's relationship with Valide. The closeness she has with her, especially compared to her other sisters, shaped up all of Hatice's life long beliefs. Namely Valide is the root of Hatice's love and respect for the dynasty, being next to its female representative her entire life (see also Valide's flashbacks in E58) and witnessing the way she dealt with things, the way she ruled the harem, the way she made decisions. Even Hatice herself considered her as her role model and wanted to be like her. (she told her this in E61) It was as if Valide was a preserver of all the virtues Hatice deemed as worth having. She has a tremendous respect for her and her opinions and this is what brought her to hide her love for Ibrahim more than anything. The respect she has for the ottoman laws and the ottoman dynasty and the ways she got used to them made her to do anything but admitting SS and Valide her true feelings.

Valide is an indirect reason of Hatice's supposedly "inpartial" point of view in the harem that let her judge things more fairly. It's not that Hatice was completely unbiased in her relationships with Mahidevran and Hürrem early on, because oh no, she wasn't, Hatice always was on the dynasty's side in this war, but for her dynasty always advocated fairness and preserving piece and order. She wasn't afraid to call out whoever she thought was wrong at any time and even when her bias had completely (and honestly, rightly in many aspects) impacted her in terms of Hürrem, she wasn't afraid to admit that she was right about Firuze after all. Hatice also has a very reactive personality: she doesn't let anyone provoke her and quickly responds when she's provoked. She's not provoked only about Ibrahim, she's also provoked when it comes to both family and dynasty, overall, seeing Hürrem and Mahidevran quarrel in E11, Fatma and the concubines challenging Hürrem in E47, Mahidevran attempting to kill Hürrem's children in E55, Mihrimah defending Hürrem in E84 etc. Whenever something she cares about is opposed or attacked by someone, she would always spring into action, which is a very consistent trend of her character as a whole.

{There are many reasons why I personally find Hatice sympathetic: she's one of the most ethical characters of the show, acting as a peacekeeper wanting to keep everyone out of their struggle, she's always ready to help, she cherishes love (her wanting to marry Sadıka to Matrakcı), there are so many people she cares about outside of just Ibrahim - Mahidevran, Mustafa, Valide, her sisters and their problems impact her as well, despite of how "self-centered" she may seem at first glance. She, just like MCK Gevherhan, is so humane to everyone she interacts with, trying her very best to empathize with them. (to the point Mahidevran told her in E05 that if she keeps up worrying only about them, she will wither in this palace) Her trauma and circumstance also bring in a lot of empathy for me, because significantly little of it is her own doing, compared to other characters. We see a character that deteoriates both internally and externally often as a consequence of her simply fearing she would lose everyone she loves and that her life would be once again, filled with illnesses and death.}

[Truth be told, I don't get the Hatice hate, like AT. ALL. I don't know about you, but people I've encountered on the Internet couldn't give me a valid reason as to why they hate Hatice so much. They either reduce her to a "whiny", "crying", "spoiled" or "evil" bitch, either say they hate her because she breaks down a lot or because stood up against Hürrem for no reason, which is totally untrue, in my opinion. I genuinely haven't seen one (1) good argument as to why she deserves such ire. They mostly look at a more dimensional version of S03 Hatice and forget everything that set up S03 Hatice, or they hate Hatice exclusively because of S03, which.... eh? I would dare say that there are more reasons to hate Mahidevran than there ever were to hate Hatice (even though the hate directed at Mahidevran is, once again, for all the wrong reasons) and if someone gave me an actually good reason to hate Mahidevran, I would understand, but Hatice? Even her more questionable actions were ultimately provoked by something or someone.]

Her first traumatic experiences in the present is also connected to the kids she's lost. Yeah, giving her more time with her living children and seeing her more as a mother is the one thing I would definetly change in her writing. We didn't get enough of that and it would be a breath of fresh air. But then again, losing so many could've demotivated her and the last time she was pregnant we also had this prevailing, but understandable fear. It also just doesn't play such a big part in her deconstrustion-to-become-flanderization-in-character-development arc.

We gain a gradual, broader perspective into her a bit later in the narrative, and perhaps that eventually broken first impression would cause disappointment - Hatice could be prideful and while she wants to detach from the dynasty for her family, she values her own position and the rights that are offered with it. She could be easily offended by remarks made to startle her. She could be demanding sometimes. But that existed along with her good traits. Hatice was the most reasonable and morally unproblematic character of the main cast overall and by S01/2, that truly showed.

If we refer only to S03 Hatice, it would make a tiny bit more sense for people to not find her that sympathetic. Because while she underwent a good flanderization arc, it's still flanderization and some traits of hers seem to be more present than others in that season, especially knowing the trajectory of said arc. It may look like there isn't a sympathetic reason to do what she does, as if she's like this all of the sudden. But here's the rub: season 3 wasn't supposed to give this much context to Hatice's actions, it's the pay-off of a build-up, the peak of her arc that leads to a resolution. Season 3 wasn't supposed to repeat stuff that has already been established, all Hatice is doing there, has been set up for an entire season, if not more. We already know what's driving her, we already have the sympathetic reasons. That's why all the attention is given to her actions that bring her to tragedy, not to introspective scenes.

Back to Ibrahim's relation to Hatice's character: A common affirmation I hear is that Hatice's rift with Hürrem was caused thanks to Ibrahim and Ibrahim alone. There's so much more to it than that! While we had the scene that started the build-up and the one that ended it be about a possible/already a fact infidelity of Ibrahim's as a parallel, these are only a part of it, not it in its entirety. Keep in mind that the one thing that fully set the upcoming enmity in motion during S03 is Hürrem taking Valide's chambers. And at first Hatice wasn't about to blame Hürrem for it all when she went to tell it to his majesty (her saying to Gülfem that it doesn't matter who told her about the affair) with her claiming that Hü ruined her life only after their confrontation for Valide's chambers. And here we return to the center of Hatice's character: thing is, whether we liked it or not, Hürrem always was a threat to the dynasty in Hatice's eyes. Şah asked her the infamous question: "The dynasty or Ibrahim?" when she was asked why is Hürrem a threat in E81, but I think both are in conjunction, yet independent of each other here. Hatice values tradition just like her mother and Hürrem breaking them all would cause some kind of disturbance. She got distraught right after she was freed and married, claiming that it had to be stopped before it happened, look also how she told Afife Hatun that Hürrem had to be gotten rid of because she caused unrest in the harem! Not only Ibrahim's death, but Valide's death impacted her so much, she thought someone had to supposedly protect the dynasty for what is to come before everything goes haywire and that's what she attempted to do the entire time. In S03A personal motives clearly ran together with the apparent protection of the dynasty (I sometimes like to parallel Hatice's dynasty with Kösem's state in my head, despite that Kösem's urge to protect the state comes more with her role as a ruler and regent and measures out of necessity, while Hatice's comes from willingness to preserve balance and harmony in a more personal level.) and she considered Hürrem as a threat to everything Hatice believes in. She seems to also take on her mother's footsteps in that regard, in a way, using common for Valide methods like sending a concubine to SS etc. She considers Hürrem a threat for her own stability and well-being and that isn't limited to just Ibrahim.

Her relationship with SS is the one that is probably the most connected to Ibrahim, judging by their first more "nuanced" scene for me (him deciding to marry Ibro and Hati) and fallout (the confrontation for Ibrahim's death), but that could be also connected to what Hatice has previously experienced and genuine respect for him as a brother before all the rocky stuff happened. And interestingly, her deep resentment and then despise of him is targeted at him bringing Hürrem to their lives, not simply just killing Ibrahim, though that was also an intensely strong motivator of hers.

Hatice's bond with Mustafa is also strong even before she fell in love with Ibrahim. She also considered him "the future of the dynasty", played with him in the gardens, comforted him in tough times when she could. They didn't have as many scenes together, but the relationship added a good amount of flavor to her character.

A reason why I think Hatice's relationship with Mahidevran is so precious and criminally underrated, is that this is the relationship least centered on Ibrahim, second only to Hatice's with Valide. Their scenes early on is mostly them being there for each other and being happy with each other's moments of good time. They're very bound to each other and are very good friends that still have a dynamic relationship. The temporary S02B fallout between them has everything to do with Hatice's disappointment and disbelief of Mahidevran's own failings. She also threatened something Hatice cared about and did something she didn't expect of her. And that isn't barely noticeable, Hürrem even remarked that Mahidevran is becoming alone in E58. (oh my, I hate this scene with passion, but anyway.) After that their dynamic then remained basically intact for S03, expect that they could act more like allies than friends. But that's a given, due to the more intense events in the palace and the tonal shift of the show.

I find her dynamic with Şah fascinating due to their contrasting personalities and strained, yet loving relationship. The feud between them had enough context given to us through Beyhan's words to Şah in E83: that Hatice not only was Valide's favorite, but she apparently had the life Şah wanted to have, which explains Şah's ambition and supposed distance and secrecy well enough. More backstory would mean destroying the interesting duality in the relationship and wouldn't make Şah's motivation half as interesting and uniquely presented as it was, to be honest. Which is why I find her dynamic with Hatice way more interesting than her dynamic with Hürrem (which is good, too, but pretty generic), but that's also a post for another day. But Hatice is actually the more open person in this dynamic and the one more revealing her feelings. Şah wanted her to move on from her losses, but Hatice objects so strongly because it all has gotten to a completely personal level, with Şah trying to redecorate her castle, it would look like she's trying to change her from the outset, her as a person, which is something Hatice would never agree with. But then again, it's clearly shown that deep down Şah cares about what Hatice wants and is trying to do the best for her in her own way. And the emphasis is again put on family: they still get along and reconcile, setting their differences aside.

Many of Hatice's introspective scenes were with Gülfem and while they talked about Ibrahim many times, we could still see the amount of powerful support between them. Hatice shared everything with Gülfem, it was as if they knew everything about each other. They were each other's comfort.

She showed moral support to Beyhan, as well. That is another familial relationship that shows both casual and profound interactions. It's not there as much, but that's more because of Beyhan's limited screentime, not because of something to do with Hatice.

Even her arc with Ibrahim isn't all about him, but is also tied to the core of her character. The line between dynasty and family drives their whole fallout and if it wasn't there, the conflict between them wouldn't ever take place. Hatice ultimately forgiving Ibrahim is more about her getting out of her own dynastic outlook, which is a relevant character development of hers that happens along with her flanderization. And that plot-line is as important as the flanderization, even more so, and it pushes it forward. It was a resolution of the conflict with family and dynasty in Hatice, not exactly forgiving Ibrahim just for Ibrahim. (that is also a factor, no doubt, because she loves him and he is a part of her character, but not all her character.)

Overall, for me Hatice is a multi-faceted, amazing character that is actually very fleshed out in the span of three seasons. I don't find much issue with her writing: everything that happened with her is logical and well-explained if you look closely enough and I don't want more for her arc. It was original and outstanding for what it was, both as a character concept and a dynastic sultana of the franchise.

#magnificent century #muhteşem yüzyıl #muhtesem yuzyil #hatice sultan #ask #stuffandthangs

[gizkasparadise]

cdrama rec/review: go ahead

KDRAMA AND CDRAMA MASTER LIST OF REVIEWS

Series: go ahead Episodes: 40 Genres: family, healing/melodrama, slice of life, romance Spoilers in the Rec: for the first 20% ish/set-up If You Like, You’ll Like: reply 1988, le coup de foudre, find yourself (same production company/main male actor), rain or shine/just between lovers, found family stories, meet again stories

Rank: 10/10** (see Drawbacks section)

PREMISE

widower hai chao and his 6 year old daughter jian jian live happily above his noodle restaurant despite the recent, tragic death of his wife. one day, dysfunction junction a married couple (he ping, a police officer, and chen ting, a real piece of work) move into the same building with their 7 year old son, ling xiao. immediately, jian jian attaches herself to ling xiao, who is unexpectedly grim for a small child. 

because ling xiao’s family is less-than-healthily grieving the loss of their youngest child, ling xiao’s sister who died in a terrible accident. The Apartment of Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms eventually implodes, ending with chen ting abandoning her husband and son. he ping, suddenly a single father, and hai chao come to a friendly partnership that is clearly alluding to gay marriage where they co-raise both of their kids--hai chao as the primary caregiver, and he ping supporting them financially through his job as a policeman.

meanwhile, the neighborhood busybody is dead-set on getting hia chao remarried. eventually she introduces him to a divorced single mother, he mei, and her son zi qiu, who is ling xiao’s age. they sort of start to date, but it culminates in he mei skipping town and leaving zi qiu behind. hai chao, man with a heart of gold, informally adopts him and zi qiu becomes jianjian’s foster brother.

from there, the trio grow up happily and become inseparable. but once zi qiu and ling xiao graduate high school, the bullshit parade their respective childhood skeletons reappear in their lives. circumstances lead to the boys moving overseas, leaving jianjian and their fathers behind. 

they reunite after 9 years, when the boys return to a home where they hope to pick things back up from where they left off. things are more complicated than that, as jianjian finds herself in a new life and surrounded by new people. 

MAIN CHARACTERS

li jian jian

hai chao’s daughter and the only girl in the family. she attended the required short-hair-low-grades training program required of all cdrama youth female leads. super positive and outgoing, as well as the youngest of the three pseudo-siblings, jian jian grows up spoiled and over protected by her father and brothers, and as a result is completely devastated once her family falls apart. it’s so sad.

after the time skip, she’s an on-the-verge successful artist who makes woodcarvings, and exudes big art bro energy. inhales sugar like it’s nobody’s business. she inherited her father’s disease called caring too much, and it’s incurable!! 

ling xiao

the eldest brother and resident fun police. ling xiao comes from a seriously toxic home that finally seems to improve once his mother leaves. but then she comes back. fucking great. introverted to the point of being withdrawn to anyone but his chosen family, ling xiao’s had to carry a lot of emotional weight that takes a larger and larger toll on him as the series progresses. please get this boy some therapy. 

becomes a dentist because jian jian needs one. wears a lot of monochromatic outfits with low necklines because heavy angst but make it fashion. has been in love with jian jian since high school and is still carrying that torch 9 years later.

he zi qiu  

the middle child who grows up in hai chao and jian jian’s home, and is her foster brother in all but paperwork. hotheaded, zi qiu and jian jian basically share two brain cells that ling xiao routinely takes from them for safekeeping. he spoils jian jian, sneaking her snacks and junk food and wants to become a pastry chef so he can open a sweet shop for her!!

my favorite character. just wants to be wanted 8( him and hai chao’s relationship is my favorite dynamic in the series. will sob while driving a pink moped. is too proud to beg

li hai chao (left) and ling he ping (right)

the greatest (hai chao) and okayest (he ping) dads in the world! noodle dad/hai chao has never done anything wrong in his life, ever, and we know this and we love him. he ping isn’t a bad person, but demonstrates pretty classic absentee parenting/isn’t as emotionally present in his son’s life as hai chao. hai chao is the heart of the family, and would do anything for his kids 8( 

SOME SUPPORT CHARACTERS 

tang can (left) and qiu ming yue (right)

jian jian’s #GirlGang and roommates. they, like literally everyone in this drama, have some severe mom issue hang-ups. tang can (left) is a former child actress who is struggling with her lack of success as an adult and gives well-meaning but absolutely terrible advice on the regular. 

ming yue (right) is jian jian’s best friend since childhood and as an adult is trying to break free from her mother’s controlling nature--she’s also had a thing for ling xiao for the last 9 years. raises fish for symbolism purposes.

chen ting

ling xiao’s mom and certified garbage human. unable to cope with the death of her daughter that was her fault lbr, she abandons her family and disappears for ten years. she forces her way back into ling xiao’s life when he turns 18, where it’s revealed that she’s remarried and ling xiao has a younger half-sister chengzi (”little orange”). shit goes down, and soon ling xiao is forced to move back to singapore to serve as primary caregiver to both his mother who abandoned him and the half sister he barely knows. 

emotionally abusive and basically hits every single square on the toxic parent bingo card. i just. i just hate her. even typing this out is making me mad.

he mei

zi qiu’s mother. after a few dates with hai chao, she ends up ditching her kid and disappearing for unknown reasons. is a slightly better parent than chen ting but that’s like saying some poison kills you slower. the show tries to bring us around on her but it didnt work for me. 

SOME OTHERS

zhuang bei, zi qiu’s best friend growing up who i would like a lot less if he wasn’t played by the same actor who played my beloved dachuan

zheng shuran, jian jian’s first boyfriend and fellow artist who’s got a weird thing for women’s waists and pretentious artists’ statements

du juan, jian jian’s friend who co-owns their woodworking studio. has absolute trash taste in men

chengzi, ling xiao’s half-sister who can be a brat but dear god does she need to be protected/saved 

**DRAWBACKS

so this is a weird one for me. what i didn’t like i really didn’t like, but what i loved i really loved. ultimately, the factors/uniqueness of this show and the loveability of the main characters outweighed the negatives and it’s one of my favorite dramas.

THAT SAID. i got some #thoughts on this one. 

first, there are literally no positive mother figures in this show. not a damn one. they are all negligent or controlling at best or down right abusive at worst. no woman over 30 is portrayed positively and that’s a big No from me. 

the last 10 eps have some pacing issues and focus on the wrong people. spending the remaining episodes focused on one of the most universally hated characters vs. the main family was a bad move 

the show tried to redeem or make us sympathize with characters that were, to me, completely irredeemable. one case is worse than the other, but both of them were terrible people that deserved to be cut out of the main family’s lives.  

REASONS TO WATCH

the main family. the characters are so wonderful and nuanced, and their dynamics with one another were amazing. you’ll fall in love with hai chao aka noodle dad and the trio. they go through so many trials but they still stick together and it’s ultimately a healing drama and i loved it very much.

the central romance was less in focus, but the pining is enough to make jane austen emerge from the grave. i loved the leads together, and while LOL ling xiao’s attachment to jian jian was not always healthy, they supported each other and it made me smile. i love me a tortured pining dude.

#Acting. everyone played their parts to perfection. the child actors in particular were so well-cast (esp baby zi qiu)

the soundtrack lmao. you watch the opening credits and know you’ll need to buckle up

idk it’s a very unique show, and i haven’t seen one like it. reply 1988 comes close, but it doesn’t tackle the same issues and it was all just very real and earnest. 

Final Thoughts.

GOODNIGHT, GOOODBYYYYYE MY CHILDREEEEEEEN

#go ahead #song weilong #zhang xincheng #tan songyun #cdrama #gizka does kdrama

[sawtual]

HAHA OK UM. ivy exposition time hehe… come read my thoughts i put down in text for you all to read about what i perceive this fictional woman’s backstory to be (this is a lil more cohesive than my harley one but. YEA)

smal cw for VERY brief mentions of abuse (ivys dad + the joker r mentioned)

Ivy grew up in an emotionally vacant house. Her father was very emotionally abusive + occasionally physically. Her mother was hardly around. This caused her to have to take on a lot of responsibility for herself and basically grow up way sooner than she should have

She put a lot of effort into her schoolwork. She had a very caring and helpful science (either biology or environmental science) teacher, she nurtured Ivy’s love of botany

She got a scholarship to acclaimed college and essentially got a free ride? she worked on the side to pay for any spare expenses.

Woodrue was one of her teachers, he was academically lauded for his work in botany but hadn’t been very relevant in the recent scientific discoveries, essentially he was a big shot who got kind of washed up, but Ivy had studied his research extensively and found him incredibly inspiring.

They end up fostering a very intense relationship STRICTLY focused on their scientific research. (SHES LESBIAN.) They’re trying to prove a hypothesis Ivy’s presented about idfk.. accelerating plant growth. Harnessing toxins certain plants create for their healing properties…IDK I DON’T KNOW SCIENCE <3</p>

Their entire work relationship and all the shit they do feels like going 120 mph down a road the wrong way and she loves it. This is truly the first time she’s had full control over her own life and has someone who actually (as she believes) sees her as an equal and recognizes her intellect.

They end up escalating things because they’re both so desperate to prove Ivy’s hypothesis, and Ivy volunteers her own body for them to test their work on. She refuses Woodrue’s offer because its her theory, so she should be the one to suffer if things go wrong…

WHICH THEY DO. Shit goes sideways and Ivy experiences adverse reactions which cause her to become bed stricken (she refuses to go to the hospital because she’s afraid that the toxins could be extremely dangerous, and doesn’t want anyone to suffer because of her science).

She also tells Woodrue to keep his distance, because she wants him to be safe from it too, and he essentially just ghosts her. She’s upset about it but first blames herself because she feels like she’s done nothing but prove everyone right about what a failure she is.

She starts noticing changes affecting her, and its all kinds of fucked up. I can elaborate on this later <3. But essentially her physiology starts warping due to the green encompassing her, growing up from her hands and feet. I think the green parts of her body are cool to the touch, have a plant like texture, and MAYBE? Have plant cell structure ingrained in them vs animal cells.</p>

Also, the green initially starts slowly spreading up her body but she’s able to halt its progression, in order to lose herself completely (think of the kinda deal in annihilation, instead of sexy green plant lady ivy).

She catches wind that Woodrue had HER research published and is taking full credit for her hypothesis, without naming her whatsoever, and it essentially breaks any semblance of humanity she had left.

At this point she’s kind of crazy powerful and can control plantlife as we all know and love <3 She figures out that Woodrue is having a conference where he’s holding some kind of really important lecture on ‘his’ hypothesis, and plans to unmask his deceit in front of the entire scientific community. </p>

She also discovers that he’s warped her discovery from something she wanted to benefit humanity and the environment, to something to gain profit from, essentially going against everything she believed in.

She bursts into the conference and when she sees Woodrue, she essentially blacks out and next thing she knows she’s essentially pulled a Carrie…. NOT EVERYONE DIES!!!! But its brutal and fucked up and she 100% absolutely slaughters Woodrue and makes an example out of him. This is the point in her story where she officially loses any chance she had of her past life as Doctor Pamela Isley.

She uses his desecrated corpse to warn everyone in Gotham, in the world, that the green has woken and will no longer stand by and be desecrated by humanity.

Ivy does a lot of work trying to collapse industries that harm the environment across the world for a while but it’s also hard for her to much alone, and she almost gets bested a few times @_@ She’s absolutely a formidable threat, but she’s also one person with a massive weakness to fire

She ends up slinking back to Gotham to recover after a particularly nasty encounter

Something abhorrent happening in Gotham catches her eye and she can’t stop herself from making an appearance and attempts to wreak havoc before ultimately getting caught and shipped to Arkham for her “extremist beliefs”

Dr Harleen Quinzel is paired with her for weekly meetings.

Harley realizes very quickly Ivy is most certainly Not insane and repeatedly tries to get it appealed, but no one will listen to her. (Ivy was locked up in Arkham specifically bc of her environmental activism/terrorism)

Ivy’s very snide at Harley at first, looking down on her for being so bright eyed and bushy tailed about everything. She’s very much bitter about how she’s repeatedly been wronged, and always cast as a villain despite her believing she’s doing what she can to save the earth.

Ivy and Harley argue about if women can ever achieve anything in this world, the way its built. Harley says she’s sad ivy feels that way but knows she’s going to make a difference. She’s different and she’ll change things.

Ivy doesn’t entirely believe her but seeing someone so downright full of life and hope really does spark something in Ivy that never really dies down.

Eventually Harley gets reassigned and taken off Ivy’s case. They didn’t have a lot of time together but I think that Harley makes a worthy impact on Ivy. This is also before Harley has interacted much, if at all with the Joker

Time passes, Joker’s manipulation ensues, Harleen becomes Harley.

Ivy sees Harley Quinn during a run in with the Joker but doesn’t recognize her at first.

Until she speaks.

Ivy gets hit with a wave of nausea upon realizing how Harley’s fallen from the proud and bright girl who was sitting across from her in Arkham.

After that she uses the green to try and keep tabs on Harley and one night after a particularly bad beating, Joker kicks Harley out and Ivy manages to swoop in and rescue her from near death.

ALSO, IMPORTANT! Ivy struggles a lot with her disgust toward humanity vs her desire to protect Harley. It’s the reason it takes her a while to actively seek a hurt and broken Harley out and rescue her. (she resents herself a lot for not acting sooner, when she realizes how extensive Harley’s injuries are)

TOSSING THIS HERE . about Ivy’s sexuality. I can’t see her ever really opening herself up to any romantic relationships any time during her school life. She’s very driven and focused on her studies and her research. She never really gave her attraction to anyone much thought, so I think that she just expected she would never feel attracted to anyone? Until she meets Harley. I think that meeting Harley kind of opens her eyes like. Wait I can feel this? I deserve this kind of love? With a woman?… she has to work through some shit but she is a big lesbian in love with her weird little clown girlfriend

um i think thats all hehe…. i have more but i kinda wana write a fic about harls and ivy getting together from my interpretation so…… TUNE IN NEXT TIME <3</p>

#poison ivy #harley quinn #harlivy #dc #text #IM FEELING A LITTLE.. cwazy over them <3 #IF ANYONE HAS ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT I SAID.. or what im thinking. please engage with me.. #talking about this stuff is.. EXCITING AND NICE #UM IF I MADE ANY MISTAKES OR ANYTHING.......cringe.. i am tired and i can only do so much #writing

[jayrart]

HPHM Profile

Character Profile template is from @hogwartsmysterystory​

Identity

Name: Jenny Callisto Romero

Gender: Female

Age: 16

Birth Date: December 12

Species: Human

Blood Status: Pureblood

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Alignment: Chaotic Good

Ethnicity: Hispanic

Nationality: American, British

Residence: Romero Forest Manor

Myer Briggs Personality Type:INFP-T  The Mediator

The Mage

1st Wand: Eleven-inch Redwood wand Unicorn Hair core

2nd Wand:Ten-inch Alder wood wand Phoenix Feather core

Animagus: Munchkin Cat

Misc Magical Abilities: Zoolingualism- can speak with animals and understand them.

Boggart Form: Her Aunt Bianca

Riddikulus Form: N/A

Amortentia: (What do they smell like?) Honey, Roses, Apples, Mint 

Amortentia: (What do they smell?) Fresh laundry, Forest, Sandalwood,

Patronus: Jaguar (family trait from mother side)

Patronus Memory: finding out she can speak with animals

Mirror of Erised: relaxing with her family back home

Specialized/Favourite Spells:Bambarda, Disillusionment, Silencio, cheering, Ferula, Orchideous, Colovaria

Appearance

Faceclaim: N/A

Voiceclaim: N/A

Game Appearance:

Height: 5'2

Weight: 147 pounds 

Physique: Average

Eye Colour: Lime Green that glows in low light

Hair Colour: Black

Skin Tone: Light tan

Body Modifications: Stephanie's gifted earrings 

Scarring: the Aztec symbol for death (Miquiztli) between shoulder blades 

Other: Birthmark under left eye, Right shoulder, stomach, Inner left thigh, bottom right foot, and light heart shape one on her back. purple hair clip on the right side (Jacob gave it to her before he left.)Pearl bracelet on the left hand (past down from her mother)

Inventory: Potions (Draught of Peace, Wiggenweld Potion, Invisibility Potion, Memory Potion, Wideye Potion), Journal with her forgotten memories (Jacob wrote down memories that their parents obliviated from Jenny), Wand, Hair ties, Journals, Pens, Snacks, Animal food.

Fashion:

Winter/Autumn: sweater, layers, warm tone colors 

Spring/ summer: flowy, simple, pastel colors 

Allegiances 

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Ilvermorny House: Thunderbird

Affiliations/Organizations:

Prefect 

second-order of the Phoenix

Auror department

Professions: Auror, Later becomes a healer at school 

Hogwarts Information

Class Proficiencies:

Astronomy: ★★★★★☆☆☆☆☆

Charms:  ★★★★★★★★☆☆

DADA: ★★★★★★★★★☆

Flying: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆

Herbology: ★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆

History of Magic: ★★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆

Potions: ★★★★★★★★★☆

Transfiguration: ★★★★★★★☆☆☆

Electives:

C.O.M.C:★★★★★★★★★★

Muggle Studies:★★★★★★★☆☆☆

Ancient Runes:★★★★★★☆☆☆☆

Quidditch: Only friendlies

Extra Curricular:

Potions club 

Frog Choir

Favourite Professors:

McGonagall

Flitwick 

Snape

Least Favourite Professors:

Rakepick

Relationships

Brother:

Name: Jacob Vincent Romero 

Age:20

Eye: Teal

Hair: Dark Brown, Wavy 

Height: 5'11

Schoolhouse: Slytherin 

Info:

He left during winter break to keep his family safe. 

Was going to tell Jenny but decided not to. She saw him leave 

Also Zoolingualism 

Expert at Non-verbal magic 

Learn to Apparition by himself

Extremely smart

 Heir to the Romero family funds but passes it down to Jenny

Shy around strangers 

Hates crowds 

Misc Siblings: 

Name: Dalton Nash Romero (baby brother)

Age: 1

Eye: Skyblue 

Hair: Brown, Curly 

Name: Cordelia Roselind Romero (baby sister)

Age:1

Eye: Skyblue

Hair: Brown, Wavy

Info: 

Born at the start of Jenny's 5th year

Unexpected 

Doesn't have the Zoolingualism gene

Father:

Name: Kristopher Vulcan Romero 

Age: 43

Eye: Blue

Hair: Black, Wavy 

Height: 6'1

Schoolhouse: Slytherin

Job: Auror 

Info:

One of the strongest Aurors 

Has a brother and sister

Traveled to America when Voldemort started to gain followers (orders for parents because he was the youngest)

Met his wife after a bad accident. Eventually got married and had Jacob and Jenny before moving back home.

 Was divested when Jacob left and tried everything he could to find him.

Regrets not being around due to work

Mother:

Name: María Celeste Gallegos

Age 40

Eye: Emerald Green

Hair: Brown, Curly, Knee length 

Height :5'6

Schoolhouse: Thunderbird 

Job: Healer

Info:

Comes from a family of 13 (2 Parents and 11 kids)

One of the 5 kids of her family with Ancient blood 

family of healers

Moved to England after her sister tried to kill Jenny 

Part of a special healer unit (basically the ICU) at St. Mungo's

Takes time off after Jacob left to comfort Jenny

Emotionally unstable for 2 years until she eventually comes to terms 

Love Interest: Jae, Barnaby, Cristiano (Au)

Best Friends: Rowan, Tonks, Barnaby, Charlie, Bill, Jae, Badeea, Talbott, Chiara, Andre, Merula 

Rival: N/A

Enemy: Rakepick, R, Bianca 

Dormmates: Rowan, Liz, Merula, Ismelda

Pets: owl, dog, cat, Abraxan (back home)

Closest Canon Friends: Tonks, Barnaby, Charlie

Closest MC Friends:

Stephanie @hanihonii​

Dia @dia-m-o​​ 

Samuel @moko-sh​

Kyril @kyril-hphm​

Cristiano @chrisception13​

Luna @lunasilvermorny​

Helene @heleneplays​​

Septimus  @brothergrimm71​​  

Ethren @hogwartsmysterystory​

Flavio @sirfluffig​

Background/History

Pre Hogwarts: Jenny was born in the US and lived there for 2 years. She was proclaimed the heir of the Gallegos fortune due to her strong Magical Abilities. This angered her Aunt Bianca so much that she abused Jenny. Often hitting, yelling, and cursing her but she would always obliviate her memory after. She cursed Jenny making it so she was unable to have kids (unless they are born with strong powers). When she was unsuccessful she decided to just kill her off by marking her for death and sacrificing her to Tezcatlipoca. Jenny's mother found out about everything her sister has done and fought with her before leaving the country and moving to England. They once more obliviated Jenny's memories and forbidden her from leaving the Manor. She was fine with that until Jacob went off to school and both her parents started working longer hours. Her aunt who is a Muggle would often come over to babysit Jenny and show her a lot of muggle things. But One day a death eater made their way into the Manor sent to kill Jenny as a warning to her father. Her Aunt got in the way to protect Jenny from dying in front of her. Her father was able to make it before the death eater was able to finish their task. Not wanting his daughter to remember seeing the death of her aunt he once more obliviated her memories. After that Jenny became very lonely and depressed when she was left alone. Often having nightmares of her forgotten memories. When Jacob ran away she broke down mentally and physically refusing to eat and never leaving her room. Once her Hogwarts letter arrived she began to open up again.

1st Year: Jenny is excited to finally go to school and explore other places outside the manor ground. She isn’t really used to talking to others so she comes off as odd. Often mimicking others’ actions and personality. She doesn't focus on any of the vaults and just pays attention to school and friends. You would see her exploring and talking to people and animals often. 

2nd Year: The start year is similar to her first year. Often hanging around Rowan, Merula, Barnaby. Once the Ice vault starts to affect her and her friend Jenny takes an interest. When she found notes left behind from her brother she became invested in finding him. Jenny starts to sneak around closed-off areas of the school and in the forest at the end of the year.

3rd Year: she meets Tonks at the start of the year and joins her for pranks. Eventually meeting Tulip and things got very very chaotic whenever the three are together. She starts to spend a lot of time with Barnaby. Eventually, he finds out about her ability and they become really close. They were often seen with one another, and everyone thinks they are dating but they aren't. As the vaults become more dangerous Jenny starts to get more involved so she can protect her friends.

4th Year: She meets Charlie this year and starts to hang out with him and Bill. They both become a brother figure to Jenny. They even take her back to their place during the holidays. She focuses less on the vaults this yeah and more on her friend. Eventually going on a date with Barnaby without knowing it and being her date to the dance. Jenny still got in trouble for looking for the vault in the woods and ends up in detention.

5th Year: When the year starts Jenny was ready to start looking for any clues but because of detention she wasn't able to. She actually starts developing a crush on Jae. When Rakepick shows up Jenny does not like her at all. She didn't say anything because she didn't want to be rude, but when Snape said not to trust her Jenny told him her thoughts. As year 5 continues Jenny became more stressed but didn't show or told anyone. She helped others with their problems to ignore her own. Once at the vault, she tried to talk to the dragon, but when Rakepick attacked there was nothing she could do but fight it. when Jenny found Jacob she was happy it was finally over. (It was the first time anyone has seen her cry) of course, when he eventually left she was really hurt ,but she put that to the side and tried to help her friends that have been hurt both physically and mentally. Before going home she goes back into Jacob's office and finds the journal that is full of all the obliviate memories. After being taken from mad-eye Jenny returns home and reads the journal. She loses all the trust of her friends and family and locks herself away from everyone the entire summer

6th Year: Jenny tried to hide her emotions and make things back to normal like things where before, but ultimately failed when she noticed everyone acting strange. She literally was doing everything to help her friends, find her brother and the next vault, and keep her grades up that she neglected her health. She rarely slept or eat and the only time she did was because Snape made her. ᴴᵉ ʷᵒⁿ'ᵗ ᵃᵈᵐᶦᵗ ᶦᵗ ᵇᵘᵗ ʰᵉ ᵈᵒᵉˢ ʷᵒʳʳʸ ᶠᵒʳ ʰᵉʳ ᵃⁿᵈ ˡᵒᵒᵏˢ ᵃᶠᵗᵉʳ ʰᵉʳ. When Rowan was killed Jenny literally broke. She was a mess cry and screaming as she held on to her lifeless body. After that, she joins Merula and Ben wanting to kill Rakepick. Once she finally meets back up with Jacob she confronts him for running away. Before he leaves again she hands the hair clip to him and makes him promise to bring it back once everything is done. Once Alanza arrives at the school Jenny didn't like her at all. She felt like Alanza was trying to take Roman's place.

7th Year: Jenny gets engaged to Barnaby to help him from being forced into an arranged marriage. They become more of a couple then just friends to make the marriage work eventually Jenny does fall for him.

Order of the Phoenix / 2nd Wizarding War: Becomes an Auror after school joining Tonks and becoming an apprentice of mad eye. Joins the Order helps with Intel, investigating, and spying. Fights at the battle and finally is confronted by her aunt. Jenny is able to kill her after everything she has done.

Post-War: Jenny still works as an Auror until her 50 where she becomes a healer at the school. Jenny becomes pregnant a few months after the war but loses her kid before they were born. During one of Jenny's assignments, she finds an infant child whose family was killed. Knowing that the child has no other family Jenny adopts him and raises him as her own. Jenny eventually gets pregnant again and had a girl named Melody who has the same powers as her.

Old Age & Death: Jenny is 97 when she dies of old age.

Personality

Good: Loyal, Loving, Kind, Optimism, Adventurous, Resourceful, Bold, Playful, Affectionate, Funny, Smart, Lively, Strong, Reliable, Determined, Cheerful, Friendly, Honest, Easygoing

Bad: Wild, Talkative, Rowdy, Fidgety, Cunning, Silly, Careless, Foolish, Impulsive, Sarcastic, Secretive, Clumsy, forgetful

Misc

Talents: Singing, Playing the Piano & Guitar, Baking, Ice Skating, 

Knew that something was off with Rakepick

Actually really good at potions but doesn't like to show off (snape knows but doesn't want it to go to her head)

Goes to the forbidden forest when she is upset to speak with the animals

It's strange to see Jenny when she is serious because she acts like a completely different person.

She stopped growing so she wears heels

Joined the order because of Tonks

When she goes home she invites Barnaby to stay, so he doesn't have to go back to his place if he feels uncomfortable.

The Romero family has 3 house elves but they are all "free". They were bought and set free the very same day, but given an option to say and look after the house and kids while they were at work in exchange for housing and food. 

Never had a real friend until she started school.No one other than the family has seen her up until then.

#hphm #hphm mc #jenny romero #jenny profile #hogwarts mystery #romero family #feel free to ask me any questions

[milf-lover42]

Bellatrix and Azula are the same character, change my mind

As most people can tell, Bellatrix Lestrange is my all time favorite character. I might get new favorites every time I watch a new show, and they all share a general similarity (let’s face it… I have a type, and if you’re reading this here on tumblr dot com… you do too, don’t lie). However, no character has ever come close to beating Bellatrix for top spot. And then I watched A:TLA for the first time a few weeks ago. I didn’t watch it as a kid, I was just young enough (2003 babeyy) that I wasn’t watching tv when it was on. Azula is obviously my favorite from this show, and is also the only character to ever come close to Bellatrix’ spot in my heart. But thinking about this and all the headcanons that people have made for the Black family dynamic… it seems like a pretty straightforward connection. Azula is essentially just a young Bellatrix.

Almost all of these Black family headcanons have been taken from fanfictions I have read over the years, and so the credit goes to their respective authors. Many overlap so I cannot pinpoint each author to each one, and it has been a while since reading some of them. Most notable of these would be Glass Silence by Zarrene Moss. There are many more fantastic stories I have drawn from but I couldn’t remember every fanfiction I’ve read to pick out each detail. For all the Azula stuff, I am drawing from Hello Future Me’s video on Youtube “The Psychology of Azula | Avatar: The Last Airbender”. If you want to spend an hour watching that I highly recommend it. Basically none of this is mine, I’m just using the headcanons and research of others to tie Bellatrix to Azula.

Let’s start with their family dynamics. Bellatrix is the oldest of the Black sisters, and has no brother. Although not stated in canon, (because apparently she’s too minor a character to deserve a backstory) it is presumed that all the duties of a male heir fell to her in a way. Marry young and marry a rich pureblood, carry on the family name and power, and secure a high social standing. Pureblood society is extremely archaic, if the treatment of muggle-borns is anything to go by, so we can safely assume that they are a very patriarchal society. Cygnus and Druella Black almost certainly wanted a son to carry on their name, especially given Walburga and Orion had both Sirius and Regulus. We can also assume that they weren’t exactly the kindest parents. At best, Druella was a silent wife subjected to abuse from her husband and ultimately was unable to keep her children safe; at worst she actively joined Cygnus in abusing their children. Each of the sisters have a unique way of dealing with this. 

Andromeda handled it by running away, completely rebelling. She fell in love with Ted Tonks, a muggle-born. I doubt this in itself was an act of rebellion, I think she simply realized how stupid blood supremacy was after speaking to him. Once she fell in love it’s clear she wanted to break away from her family so that she could marry him. Clearly her parents knew, and it’s likely she told them herself. Given Ted was a muggleborn I can’t imagine her parents reacting with a simple, “No he is beneath you, we forbid it.” They probably acted harshly in an attempt to make it stick in her head that the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black would not associate with m*dbloods. Either she ran away or was kicked out, but either way she stayed with Ted and didn’t listen to her parents.

Narcissa shut off and blocked all her emotions. Obviously as an adult she actively practices the same beliefs her parents did, but as a teenager I don’t see this as being who she was. As an adult she is very cold and unemotional. The only person she truly cares about is her son, Draco. She cares about Bella still, she just doesn’t show it because she wasn’t allowed to as a child. As for her feelings toward Lucius... it is unclear. Depending on where you stand, she either could have been forced into a marriage with him, or they were in love as teenagers and got lucky enough that their parents arranged for them to marry each other. My personal opinion is they were forced. I think Lucius was supposed to be married to Andy but when she ran away, the Blacks had to hold up their end of the deal with the Malfoy’s and so Narcissa was married off to him. She embodies the whole “Ice Queen” personality. In order to cope with the trauma and her unwanted marriage, she just blocked all emotion to keep herself sane, only showing it for Draco.

And then we come to Bellatrix. Bellatrix, who had too many expectations to live up to, so many roles to fill, and no positive reinforcement from parents who just abused her if she messed up. She felt everything. She was the oldest and cared greatly for her younger sisters, and probably did her best to take any of the abuse that was going to be given to Narcissa or Andromeda. She used herself as their shield because they were the most important thing to her. Even after joining Voldemort and going insane she makes it very clear how she feels about Narcissa. Bellatrix would follow Voldemort's orders to the ends of the Earth, but the second she is asked to trust Snape, she says that Voldemort has made an error in judgement. Cissa wants to go to him and ask him to keep Draco safe, but Bellatrix advises against this. Only when her sister is in potential danger does Bellatrix doubt her master. Even at the height of her insanity her sister is the most important thing to her. We can assume as a child she felt the same for Andy. In fact in my opinion she never really stopped caring about her until Azkaban, I think she pretended to hate her when she came out about Ted Tonks, but only did so so that Andy would run away and live her life with the man she loved. She was safer away from their parents anyway. It didn’t matter if Bellatrix thought negatively about muggle-borns; she just wanted her sister to be safe. After going insane however, she truly seems to hate Ted for being a muggle-born, and she kills their half-blood daughter Nymphadora. 

In order to cope with the trauma of her childhood Bellatrix used all of those emotions as fuel for her magic. She is an incredibly powerful witch and is massively intelligent (although why she didn’t just use Legilimens on the Golden Trio will baffle me forever… it would have been so simple…). However because of this coping mechanism, she is driven insane. It’s not instant, in fact it probably took years (probably that stint in Azkaban, lads) for the insanity to fully develop and take hold. All of that exposure to Dementors would have forced her to relive the trauma of her childhood over and over, while taking away the happy memories of her sisters. 

Bellatrix was given a support system to break away from her family. Now it’s not a good or healthy one, but it is one nonetheless. After being treated so poorly by her parents, and forced into a marriage with Rodolphus, she needed freedom. When Tom Riddle comes along and praises her skill and offers her a spot as his best lieutenant? Of course she’s going to take that. Finally some recognition, and a good amount of safety. Not to mention missions and tasks given to her and others to her husband that mean she doesn’t have to be around him. Bellatrix was mistreated by her father and mother, but probably always wanted her father’s recognition. Her mother probably preferred Narcissa because she could be groomed into the perfect pureblood wife. Bellatrix latched onto Voldemort to gain recognition, praise, and power. But I can imagine as a teenager, having a complete breakdown at least once, especially after being told she’d be married off to Rodolphus. Demolishing her room with magic, windows breaking, personal items being thrown either by hand or by magic, and screaming and crying at the end. Very similar to Azula’s breakdown in her final scene.

Now we come to Princess Azula. She has an older brother, Zuko, but is always given the limelight. She receives a ceremonial headpiece that she is always seen wearing, but Zuko does not. He might be the boy, but he isn’t expected to take the crown. Azula is even named after her grandfather Azulon, who was Firelord. She was always expected to be the next Firelord over Zuko. Her future was never her own. She is a firebending prodigy, always showing off her skills, whereas Zuko falls behind. She is favored by her father Ozai for sure, but she is never truly praised. She is simply a means to an end to him. She was always expected to be the best. Although it isn’t shown in the TV series, in the A:TLA comics Ursa and Ozia’s relationship is depicted as abusive. He cuts her off from her family saying that he is all she will need. 

 There are theories as to whether or not Azula has a Machievellian personality type, or ASPD or NPD that could have been a root cause of her diminishing sanity, and after looking into those they seem very plausible. She lacks empathy, she emotionally manipulates everyone, and she has a messed up sense of right and wrong. Altruism just doesn’t make sense to her, and emotions are not genuine, simply stories made to get your way. Ursa rewards empathy, love and trust, which is why she clearly favors Zuko. But Ozai rewards power, cunning, and loyalty. They are complete opposites so it is not possible to please both of them. If she has any of these mental disorders it would be impossible to please her mother, so she focused on making her father proud. But Ozai never really shows any level of praise towards her, so she constantly tries to better herself. If she isn’t perfect, she’s failed. 

At the end of A:TLA, Ozai forces her to stay behind in the Fire Nation. He says it’s because they need a Firelord because he will be leaving. Azula is disappointed to not partake in the final battle, but it’s what her father wants, so she obeys. However, he only leaves her so that he can become the supreme leader of everyone, or “Phoenix King”.  Azula doesn’t really get a promotion, just a fancy name. In the finale, she is shown as her mental state quickly deteriorates. Her perfect image is gone, her hair is not up, her makeup undone, and she is paranoid that everyone is out to get her. This is the beginning of her breakdown. When she is unable to put her hair up by herself, she cuts her bangs. Her hair is all of a sudden asymmetrical, which is unheard of. She then starts to hallucinate. By the time she fights Zuko and Katara she is extremely unstable, and the fact that she can actually still bend is incredible, because it requires control of your emotions. She instead manages to use her emotions to fuel her bending. At the end when she is defeated, she finally breaks. Her bending is out of control, and she is left screaming and crying. 

Azula never had anyone  take her under their wing and give her the recognition she craved. Zuko had Iroh. Bellatrix had Voldemort. If Azula had been introduced to someone like Voldemort she would have gone down the same path as Bellatrix. Likewise, if Bellatrix hadn’t been introduced to Voldemort she would have ended up broken just like Azula. Their stories aren’t identical obviously, but there are some strong parallels that place them together, so I can see them as the same person with different outcomes to their story.

Does this stupidly long character analysis have any significant purpose? Nah, not at all. But like… I’m clearly right so… yeah.

#bellatrix black #bellatrix lestrange #azula #princess azula #azula deserved better #A:TLA #A:TLA azula #bellatrix black lestrange #druella black #cygnus black #narcissa malfoy #andromeda tonks #guys im not crazy i swear #i just feel passionately about these characters #bellamione

[sp00kybitme]

Okay so this is really personal but I feel like I need to share it in order to better my health because being upfront about your trauma is a good way to heal from it. So buckle up because this post is gonna be a real doozy:

So let's start by backing up about 4 years ago in the summer of 2017, I was 17 since my birthday follows the year number and I was going through my own personal turmoil, dealing with my already medically diagnosed PTSD, OCD, Anxiety disorder, and severe depression. I had falling outs with most all of my irl friends due to my declining mental health but the decline started around august as my therapist who worked the best for me was leaving the clinic. She was openly queer and I related a lot to her since I felt like for once I wasn't alone yet after she left I was distraught. Also at the time I had a falling out with my father and my brother was a recovering drug addict so you could say shit was really complicated around that time and my head space was not well.

So back in 2016 I was able to get a PS4 and I hadn't used it until 2017 due to being more focused on my mental health but I caved and began playing Overwatch and there I met some folks who made life seem somewhat normal for once, no high end conflict, no drama, just simple fun with friends is all I wanted and for a while I actually had that! That was until the coming month september.

So September was when I started breaking off from big friend groups and settled with 2 people, let's call them Z and J for context, So Z was someone who I would say had undiagnosed mental health issues and J was someone who was mutual friends with Z because they went to high school together. Z and J were some of my only friends and we as people really bonded over stuff and I felt like life was actually turning up after losing so much shit that year.

So just for preface/context: at this time I identified with she/her pronouns and went by the term pansexual/demiromantic but now after much time I identify with they/them pronouns and am at least asexual, as for romantic I'm still figuring that out. So November rolled around and I noticed conflict immediately, Z and J were subtly arguing and J was using a victim complex mentality to guilt Z into caving yet at the time I was an oblivious 17 year old who was just desperate was friendship to the point of trying to always be a mediator.

Z was always talking about how lonely they were and how every relationship they had never worked out and at the time I was not out about not being cisgender and so they perceived me as a girl. Throughout September to november they would CONSTANTLY ask me out to the point of it being a desperation and a guilt trip and at this point I was afraid. I had lost EVERYONE in my life here and it was so frustrating but for a month I would keep my boundaries up and say no because I genuinely wasn't interested in a relationship and I didnt feel taht way about Z but they continued to push me and eventually I gave in and I remember the exact place it happened.

So we all 3 had a daily routine of getting on and playing Overwatch for hours just to talk shit and goof around so that day we were skirmishing on the "Temple of anubis" map and I said yes and in retrospect it was a horrible time to do that because it was in front of J and in turn made them feel loke a 3rd wheel. I wanna say that me conceding into a relationship while having no attractiom or interest was wrong of me and that I apologize for but again I WAS pressured as a minor. Also I forgot to say that Z was 19 and while that kind of age gap isn't inherently the worst, I was still an emotionally vulnerable minor being coaxed into a relationship.

So things went on relatively the same except for the fact that J was beginning to sound more spiteful and ended up getting upset easier and volatile which I blamed myself for but we'll get more into J very soon. So Z and I were noticing the change in behavior but tried not to bother J with it because they always didn't wanna talk about it. J confided in us at one point by telling us about their living situation being troublesome, they claimed they had no privacy, were verbally abused by their mother, and had relatives who were also abusive. We both had empathy for J and I was strongly affected by that since I had a strong disconnect from my father at the time who was abusive in a religious way.

We tried to keep things relatively normal at this point for the sake of J but Z was always trying to be bluntly romantic with me and I wasn't interested although they did ask me for "thigh pics" (lemme preface by saying I was still a minor at this point) but I was coaxed into that and virtual s*x which I was extremely uncomfortable with but Z had a strong tendency to victimize and guilt trip and I just wanted friends and had PTSD from friends levaing me and calling me selfish. It's not something I'm proud of but I genuinely was THAT scared of losing friends. In instances where J would get spiteful and resent Z, J at one point left our group chat and group and didnt reply to us because they attempted s*icide. We were HORRIFIED to find that out and really tried to keep a close eye on J into the new year.

2018 rolls in and now is the year that I consider my worst, I will TW// onward for talks of verbal abuse, emotional manipulation, talks of s*xual assault, s*icide, homophobia, and gaslighting. So after J's s*icide attempt I felt even WORSE in a relationship that itself was already one sided but I powered through as to not upset Z. The friendship dynamic we had at this point was gone as it only seemed to be arguing and fake excitement. One thing we all did in the game was idolize specific characters and obsess over them for mental comfort to the point that we got emotionally distraught over their deaths in game, genuinely very unhealthy for all of us. One thing J would do at times was purposefully pick me and Z's characters in game in commit s*icide in game with them just to upset us and would sometimes mentally torture Z by forcing them to be the character Z hated which only screwed up Z's Mental health. J would also alwsys victimize and act like they weren't being treated fairly and that all culminated in January.

January 2018, J began putting the thought of a polyamorus relationship on the table as in J, Z, and I would all be in a relationship together which I wasn't too keen on but was open to if it made everyone happy. Z wasnt interested at all and for the span of 2 weeks of January, J kept trying to manipulate and coax Z into a relationship and had me try to convince Z as well which I didn't know was wrong but granted I didn't understand Poly relationships until years later. Z eventually half caved and gave it a try but a day later Z backed out because they felt uncomfortable. I was a bit irritated at that time and so was J but I didn't personally know why because I was very oblivious to love and how it was supposed to be. We also would play 1v1 type games for fun until this time because both of them were seriously bothered by losing in 1v1 games and would gloat when they won. I personally didn't care as much and would joke around for the most part just to have fun. After this month we stopped playing 1v1 type games.

Early February came and we all began hanging out in skirmish (which means like a map where you just freeroam for 30 minutes until it refreshes), sometimes we would do ship dynamics with each other for fun and at the time we were joking around. Me and J joked around about two male characters (Junkrat and Roadhog) being together and if you have seen the two characters then you'll know why. Their dynamic as friends is flawed but a popular one yet nonetheless I liked their dynamic as a relationship at the time. Around this time, Z was beginning to do what I would call "selective homophobia" as in they would like some gay ships and despise others. When Z was presented with a WLW (lesbian) ship, they would be 100% supportive yet when a specific MLM (gay) ship was presented, they would make gagging noises as if they were trying to throw up. I should also mention how often Z would send Overwatch porn to group chats and how it made me incredibly uncomfortable, especially as a minor.

J would ultimately hold the blatant homophobia against Z and tried to turn me again Z for it. During this time, J was messaging me privately to try and convince me that Z was a bad person and that I should break up with them. Ultimately I agreed and broke up with Z over this and me and J distanced myself from Z to just hang out together. I was personally distraught in just finding out that a friend I was close to ended up being Homophobic all this time and emotionally it broke me a lot. At the time, J was there to help me emotionally and that initially helped me build trust with them. Eventually in mid February they asked me out and since they had helped me so much mentally, I felt out of a sense of obligation that being with them was something I almost owed them.

Side note: I wanna bring up this point as just a weird coincidence: February itself has always been one of the worst months for me every year, something horrendous has happened to me each February of each year and its weird because of how often I can recall this still being the case.

So After being around J for so long we started to just joke around and have fun as friends. They actually showed me their face for the first time over a video call which actually surprised me because they looked different then I thought they were but nonetheless I enjoyed their company because I felt like I had a friend. March rolled around and my birthday was coming up, my 18th birthday which was more of a big deal to J than me. They wanted to see me in provocative pictures and were constantly talking about how excited they were for it and I didn't understand why really. They were also 19 btw and they seemed way too excited for something as simple as that kind of picture. The day rolled around and I felt uncomfortable, I was told to send pictures and I did which admittedly made me uncomfortable as hell yet I still did and I was given positive affirmation for it. Little fact about me is that one thing I didn't get much growing up was positive affirmation so getting that made me feel like I was actually doing something right for once.

Over the next few months, J went from supportive and well intent to showing their true colors. As time went on they began to get more and more controlling with the things that I did as an individual. It went from supoorting the fact that I struggled with PTSD to using it as a reason that I shouldn't be making other friends besides them. From being supportive of my open mindedness with sexuality to coaxing me into spewing hateful rhetoric. Their family was actually really supportive of me at first, the thibg they had said about their mom turned out to be a lie used to play on my sympathy because their mom adored me as a person and constantly would ask if me and my mom needed anything. They sent us two big care packages through the mail with food and money for food and I originally was against that not just because I'm genuinely horrible at taking gifts but because they had my physical address and knew where I lived in case they wanted to "visit". The care packages meant a lot to me and my mom because we've been low income since I was little and having the luxury to live in a house or not have to worry about food consumption was something I never had.

During late spring, J began to be a lot more forceful with me by manipulating and gaslighting me into thinking many toxic things. I was afraid at this point of both J and being alone again. They would tell me that I should start acting more feminine and "like a girl" and that was REALLY triggering to me since over a big part of my life, I was questioning my gender identity and being forced into this feminine box made me hate myself. They would tell me to wear "panties", talk higher pitched, and even tell me to be a submissive partner who just lets them lead and me follow. I'm naturally a more dominant person in general so it was like I was disregarding a huge part of my identity. I was almost silenced into this role that J wanted me to be. They would force me to do lewd things online and while you could say that I shouldn't have been worried since it wasn't irl, they knew my address and last name.

One instance I remember was that J asked about my deadname and I told them and then questioned why I would change that name since it "was more feminine and fit me". It was upsetting to hear that but at least they didn't deadname me after finding out. They also kept telling me that I wasnt allowed to be attracted to anyone but them. I wasn't allowed to protest because they would threaten killing themselves and actually send a picture of them with a knife to their throat as if to threaten me.

A detail I left out intentionally was something that disturbed me the most about them and really makes me think they have a serious form of some kind of dissociative mental disorder. (Context: I'm not stigmatizing folks who have Dissociative disorders, my mother has one and the symptoms J exhibited make me think of someone who experiences detachment or disillusionment. Im not going to diagnose them but my instinct makes me believe that it could be something similar yet they have never been medically diagnosed.) J would constantly talk about a friend they had in elementary school who had taken their own life and how the spirit of this friend still keeps near them since they were close back then. This friend almost seemed to become a way to manipulate me later on in 2018.

This friend of theirs almost seemed to be a way to seperate themselves from how they treated me or avoid blame. This friend would threaten me that if I didn't let J r*pe me that they were gonna commit s*icide and that it would be my fault for not doing what they wanted. They also would threaten me to do what J said or else they would "possess" me. I'm someone who has had bad experiences with spirits so I didn't want to have more hell. J themselves would sometimes get extremely angry when I stood up for myself or expressed stuff I was really interested in and would threaten to track me down, assault me, and kill my mom. They also began pitting me against my mom because I would talk about how my mom was getting worried about me being hurt but J said that my mom was faking it and manipulating me and I almost believed J but I know my mom and I know she cares too much about me to do something like that.

Around September, I was practically an emotionless shell. I wasn't excited about anything, I wasn't angry anymore, I was barely feeling much of anything but a deep seeded sadness. I lacked in a lot of places and repressed any emotion I had so deep that I couldn't react to anything anymore. I think J began to notice because they started to actually act concerned after a while but that was flickering like a light switch. One of the last instances that I broke down was august of 2018 when I began crying heavily over microphone and begging them to not hate me. They had no reaction, no remorse , no empathy and when their mom came in they just left me there crying without affirming me at all.

During this time, I was sending hundreds of nude photos a day to appease them and they would get off and go to sleep and during the night I would secretly cry and look at queer based things in private to try and keep some semblance of my identity in tact. I actually started watching Sanders sides around July 2018 and enjoyed the series and how nice the fanbase seemed and it somehow helped me get through this rough period of time.

October was probably some of the worst time because I ended up missing my favorite holiday, Halloween which was the only time I personally enjoyed being myself because the element of the holiday made me happy. That halloween I spent on overwatch with J, overall miserable and hating myself. I also forgot to mention that J would dictate what I wore, they would hate that I wore boxer briefs and men's cologne and deodorant, they constantly questioned why I was trying to be masculine when I was AFAB but again I was also closeted with my gender identity and this shoved me even more into the closet when they would argue with me about it.

November rolled around and I had practically been at my breaking point, J was trying to convince me for weeks to move down south to live with them and their family and I was practically being forced. I have a fear of flying and I kept saying that I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my disabled mom by herself and my mom also hates flying. J was trying to get things their way and forced me too and I was looking into flights even though I was deadset on not going. November 11th 2018, I wasn't replying to J's texts right away because I was actually standing up for myself. They began HEAVILY threatening to end their life and I remember sitting there and crying without emotion then I hung up on them and told them to stop calling and texting me as they had begun to text and call me incessantly. I said I needed a break and finally let out a breath when they said ok.

Around late November, I felt as though I had misjudged Z and unblocked and messaged them, apologizing for being a dick to them. They initially forgave me and I was just going to move on but they asked if we could play in a public chill server and I accepted just to try and get my mind off of J. As we entered into the game, J suddenly started spectating and Z left instantly out of fear. I only talked to Z just to apologize and give context as to what happened, I was desensitized and just needed a friend. J messaged me apologizing frantically and saying "if you've moved on to date Z, just tell me so I can move on" and I said "no, I just needed a friend right now and I need my space. Don't talk to me for a while, respect that one thing." And thankfully, I was actually left alone.

December rolled around once again and at this point I had finally blocked J and moved on from everything, J's mom had messaged me on Facebook and told me that I was a "filthy cheater who just used J for their kindess and didn't care about them" but I did actually genuinely care deeply about J yet he abused my compassion by gaslighting me and putting me into this false sense of security. Before I could reply, she blocked me so she never actually took the time to ask me. I was feeling guilty for leaving J but I was reassured by Z during that time period and Z had apologised for previous comments as well. Z ended up introducing another friend to the group, we'll call them A. We would first play Overwatch but immediately switch to Minecraft which I had bought when still with J to play with their family. Around this time I had begun to cling to Z uninitentionally due to recovering from my trauma and needing that affirmation that I wasn't some terrible abuser, as J had manipulated me to think I was. Z was getting a bit bothered by this yet they had never publicly told me nor did they understand why I clung to them in the first place. Z knew I had PTSD and I had told them exactly what I had just described earlier about what J had done to me and Z was initially very empathetic though I was never told that my clinginess was bothering them because I was in recovery mode. Eventually towards the end of January, I was told by A that they knew why I was so clingy with Z. At first I was confused because they both had known that I had PTSD but A proceed. "The only reason you're so clingy with Z is because you're secretly still in love with them, I can read you like an open book and you would do best to stop denying your obvious feelings for them" Hearing this made me personally disgusted, appalled, and upset mentally. Z kept to the side during this discussion and didn't go against A however they didn't deny A's words.

I retorted by speaking about my trauma and how it made me cling to people unnecessarily but then A proceeded to invalidate my trauma by implying that I was over exaggerating what I had gone through. I felt awful and I forcefully distanced myself from them both only to go back once again out of fear of being alone. This continued for a while until July 10th, 2019 when I finally distanced myself from Z for good. I made my own account on Instagram and over the span of 2 years, I built up a community of people who liked my work and I got my sense of individualism back give or take. I recently changed accounts because this era in my life is brand new and I couldn't be happier with where I'm at.

This post is more so a form of being vulnerable and a bit of exposure therapy. Sure im not a perfect person, I can't even publicly out my abusers but I think it would do more harm than good. If anyone wants to have a warning for their accounts, at least on YouTube, message me on my Insta in my bio. I'm sorry if this was long and possibly upsetting but I wanted to just get this out. I dont know who would be seeing this but if you read this far: thank you, honestly its upsetting to have to go through so much bullshit and I hate talking about it because it's difficult to really put shit out there without feeling like its some tupe of attention thing. I don't want to post this for sympathy, I want to post this for me, just to feel better about where I'm at and also face my trauma head on to heal from it. I'm not saying this to compare who's life is worse or not but I am posting this to better myself.

Thank you again,

Spooky

[tvandenneagram]

American Horror Story Coven: Myrtle Snow  - Type 4w3

Myrtle is quirky, loyal and honest. She loved being part of the Coven and wanted what was best for it. 

At her best, Myrtle was brave, loyal and protective of her Coven. She devoted her whole life to her Coven and prioritised it over having a family. Myrtle had a close bond with Cordelia and treated her like her own daughter.  

At her worst, Myrtle becomes reactive, pushy and manipulative. When she is initially (in Coven) brought back from the dead she acts much more erratic and overtly emotional. Myrtle becomes vengeful and kills the other members of the council who had her wrongfully burned at the stake to give Cordelia her vision back. I believe she would have never done this before dying, but was more emotionally unstable after being brought back.

Myrtle was a bit tricky for me to type as she initially seemed like a type 1 or 6 when she first appeared in Coven (especially in flashbacks). After she was brought back from the dead, she started acting more eccentric and quirky. I ultimately decided she was a 4, because I feel that she was always striving for authenticity and that these 4-ish traits were always present in her. I think that being brought back exaggerated these aspects of her personality, but it didn’t change who Myrtle was.

Myrtle strongly valued honesty and tried to promote this in others. She had a penchant for truth spells and always wanted people to be their authentic selves. I think a large part of the reason she clashed so much with Fiona, was that she felt she was a phony. She knew in her bones that Fiona had killed the previous Supreme, yet couldn’t prove it and hated how Fiona could lie to everyone. Myrtle has such disdain for hypocrisy, that she tells Cordelia she has to sentence her to death.

Myrtle loves fashion and expresses herself through her style. While others may find her unconventional nature off putting, she never compromises who she is.  Additionally, Myrtle is very sophisticated and has a number of interests which are unique to her (e.g. playing the theremin). For example, Myrtle stays true to herself even in death, with her last words even being Balenciaga (iconic tbh).

Myrtle shows her 3 wing as she is very image focused in comparison to a 4w5. Additionally, Myrtle is also very concerned with her interpersonal relationships and is very protective of them, which is more likely in a 4w3.

Tri-type: 4w3 - 6w5 - 1w2

Some quotes to describe Myrtle’s traits and motivations:

“I've been swimming against the tide my whole life. Look where it got me. I used to be an outcast, a freak, until I found my place in this coven. I thought I'd come home, but I was wrong. I go proudly to the flame. Go ahead; burn me.”

“You are the worst kind of Hollywood cliché. A bobblehead with crotchless panties.”

“ I had a love like that once, Egon von Fürstenberg. He dumped me, but everything worked out all right in the end. You know why? Because he went on to marry the divine Diane. And without Egon’s support, Diane von Fürstenberg never would have created the greatest invention of the century: The wrap dress!”

“Call me a Philistine! Enough chit-chat. You've both wanted to eliminate me for years, so you could dominate the Council. But I was never worried you'd be hapless enough to try. Quentin! You're a fatuous fool and a drunk! Pembie, you're even worse. You're weak-willed, boring, and your fashion faux pas gives me nightmares. I invited you here not to chastise you or exact revenge, But to help out the coven. To help out my beloved Cordelia.”

“Just the fact that you're asking me this gives you the answer. Fiona never questioned anything, she never took the time to ponder the impact of her actions. Never gave a passing thought about those she hurt, all just... petty obstacles in her path to her base wants and desires. My dear Delia, you are not your mother, you'll never be your mother, and the truth is, even if Fiona walked this earth for a thousand years, she would be but a flicker, pale in the shadows, while you light up the sky like a fiery conflagration”

Michael: “Perhaps you haven't noticed the state of the world.” Myrtle: “It's almost as bad as your dinner jacket, but at least the world could be saved.” 

#myrtle snow #type 4 #4w3 #enneagram #frances conroy #ahs #ahs enneagram #american horror story #coven #american horror story coven #ahs coven #ryan murphy #4w5 #ennea 4 #enneagram 4 #enneatypes #personality #ahs: coven #apocalypse #ahs apocalypse

[dillydedalus]

april reading

oh yeah this is a thing. anyway in april i read about uhhh.... first contact (twice), murderers on skis & victorian church politics

the yield, tara june winch a novel about indigenous australian identity and history (now and throughout the 20th century) in three narrative strands. imo the narrative strand that consists of a grandfather writing a dictionary of his language (wiradjuri) in order to prove a claim to some land is by far the strongest, but overall i liked this quite a lot. 3/5

land of big numbers, te-ping chen a solid short story collection focused on modern china and young(ish) chinese people, both in china and the diaspora. i particularly liked the stories that had some slighty surreal or speculative elements, such as one about fruit that strongly evoke emotions when eaten and a group of people stuck in a train station for months as the train is delayed, which imo use their speculative aspects in effective (if not super subtle) ways to talk about society. 3/5

the pear field, nana ekvtimishvili (tr. from georgian by elizabeth heighway) international booker prize longlist! a short, fairly depressing read about a 18-year-old girl at a post-soviet school for developmentally disabled childred (but also orphans, abandoned children & other random kids) who is trying to get a younger boy adopted by an american couple. there seem to be a lot of novels set at post-soviet orphanages etc & imo this is a well-executed example of the microgenre, with the pear field full of pears that are never picked bc they don’t taste right as a strong central image. 3/5

the warden, anthony trollope (chronicles of barsetshire #1) ah yes, a 6-part victorian series about church politics in an english town, exactly the kind of thing i’m interested in. not sure why i committed to at least the first two entries of the series but here we are. despite this lack of interest (and disagreement with most of the politics on display here) i found this quite charming; trollope has a gift for an amusing turn of phrase & making fun of his characters in benevolent ways. 3/5

the lesson, cadwell turnbull first contact scifi novel set on the virgin islands, where an alien ship arrives one day. the aliens seem benevolent & share helpful technology, but also react with extreme violence to any aggression. they claim to be on earth to study.... something, but it’s never entirely clear what. the book makes some interesting choices (like immediately skipping over the actual first contact to a few years in the future, when the aliens are already established on the islands) but i thought much of it was kinda disjointed and confusing. 2/5

the heart is a lonely hunter, carson mccullers look, i get it, it’s all about the isolation & alienation (& dare i say loneliness) of 4 miserable characters projecting their issues on the central character singer, who is kind and patient and also deaf and mute, thus making him the perfect receptacle for their issues without really having to connect with him as a person and how that isolation hinders them socially, artistically, emotionally, politically, but like... i didn’t really like it. i didn’t hate it but i just felt very meh about it all. 2.5/5

acht tage im mai: die letzte woche des dritten reiches, volker ulrich fascinating history book about the last week(ish) of the third reich, starting with the day of hitler’s suicide and ending with the total surrender (but with plenty of flashbacks and forwards), and looking at military&political leadership (german and allied) as well as prisoners of war, forced laborers, concentration camp prisoners, and everyone else. very interesting look at what kästner described as the “gap between the not-anymore and the not-yet.” 3.5/5

firekeeper’s daughter, angeline boulley) i’ve been mostly off the YA train for the last few years, but this was a really good example of contemporary YA with a focus on ~social issues. ANYWAY. this is YA crime novel about daunis, a mixed-race unenrolled ojibwe girl close to finishing high school who is struggling with family problems, university plans, and feeling caught between her white and her native familiy when her best friend is shot in front of her and she decides to become a CI for an fbi investigation into meth production in the community. i really appreciated how hard this went both with the broader social issues (racism, addiction) and daunis’ personal struggles. there are a few bits that felt a bit didactic & on the nose (and the romance... oh well), but overall the themes of community, family, and the value of living indigenous culture are really well done & i teared up several times. 4/5

the magic toyshop, angela carter i love carter’s short stories but struggle with (while still liking) her novels so far. this one, a tale of melanie, suddenly orphaned after trying on her mother’s wedding dress in the garden, coming of age and awakening to womanhood or whatever. carter’s really into that. it’s well-written, sensual as carter always is, and the family melanie and her siblings are sent to, her tyrannical puppet-maker uncle, his mute wife and the wife’s two brothers, both fascinating and offputting (& dirty) make for an interesting cast of characters, but overall i just wish i was reading the bloody chamber again. 3/5

barchester towers, anthony trollope (chronicles of barsetshire #2) (audio) lol tbh i still don’t know why i am committing to this series about, again, church politics in 19th century rural england, but it’s just so chill & warm & funny (we love gently or not so gently - but always politely - mocking our characters) that i’m enjoying it as a nice little trip where people do some #crazyschemes to gain church positions or fight over whether there should be songs in church or whatever it is people in the 19th century fought about. it’s very relaxing. there also is a lot of love quadrangleyness going on and that’s also fun. trollope has weird ideas about women but like whatever, i for one wish mrs proudie much joy of her position as defacto bishop of barchester, she really girlbossed her way to the top. 3.5/5

semiosis, sue burke (semiosis #1) i love spinning the wheel on the “first contact with X weird alien species” & i guess this time we landed on plants! plant intelligence is interesting and the idea of plant warfare is really cool. i do like the structure, with different generations of human settlers on the planet pax providing a long-term view but this allows the author to skip over a lot of the development of the relationship between the settlers and the plant and locating the plot elsewhere, which i think is ultimately a mistake. i might continue w/ the series tho, depending on library availability. 2.5/5

one by one, ruth ware a bunch of start-up people go on a corporate retreat to a ski chalet in the alps, avalanche warning goes up, one of them disappears, presumably on a black piste, the rest get snowed in & completely cut off when the avalanche hits and then they get picked off *title drop* (altho really not that many of them). nice fluff when i had a miserable cold (not covid) but fails when it tries to go for deeper themes... like an attempt to address classism and entitlement sure... was made. also like what kind of luxury skiing chalet does not have emergency communication devices in case internet/phone lines are down...  i’d have sued just for that. 2/5

fake accounts, lauren oyler the microgenre of ‘alienated intellectual(ish) probably anglophone person has some sort of crisis, goes to berlin about it’ is my ultimate literary weakness - i almost never really like them, they mostly irritate me & yet i can never resist their siren call. this one is p strong on the irritation, altho at least the narrator does not ascribe much meaning to her decision to go to berlin after she a) discovers her boyf is an online conspiracy theorist (probably not sincerely) and b) gets a call that said boyf has died, it’s really just something to do to avoid doing anything else. but other than that it’s so BerlinExpat by the numbers, like she lives in kreuzkölln! put her somewhere else at least! there is one scene that elevates the BerlinExpat-ness of it all (narrator asks expatfriend for advice on visa applications, expatfriend assures her that it’s really easy for americans to get visa, adds “especially now” while literally, as the narrator remarks, gesturing at the falafel she’s eating) other than that, the novel is.... fine. it’s smart, but not really as smart as it thinks it is, which is a problem bc it thinks it’s just sooo incisive. whatever. 2/5

the tenant of wildfell hall, anne bronte this is reductive but: jane eyre: i could fix him // wuthering heights: i could make him worse // wildfell hall: lmao i’m gonna leave his ass anyway i enjoyed the part that is actually narrated by the titular tenant of wildfell hall, helen (which thankfully, i think, is most of it) because the perspective of a woman who runs away from her abusive alcoholic of a husband is genuinely interesting and engaging, while gilbert, the frame story narrator who falls in love with helen, is.... the worst. i mean he’s not the worst bc the abusive husband arthur is there and hard to beat in terms of worseness, but he’s pretty fucking bad. imagine if helen had found out that gilbert attacked her secret brother over a misunderstanding, severely injured him & LEFT HIM TO DIE & then (when dude survived & the misunderstanding got cleared up) apologised like well i guess i didn’t treat you quite right! she’d have to run away from her second husband as well! poor girl. 3/5

#the books i read #long post #lol i keep forgetting to finish & post these #anyway gilbert fucking sucks! like his name is gilbert you can do better helen

[fymagnificentwomcn]

Women of Ottoman make me so sad especially when people hate on them. Those women lived horrible lives. Most of them were kidnapped, sold, thrown under a psycho Padisah. How can you wait for them to care for your kingdom? Of course they were going to survive for themselves and for their children. None of them deserves the hate they get. I hope God put all of them in peace. No human should go through such terrible things.

Totally agree Anon.

Women from Ottoman Empire cannot be for example compared with women from the West – first and foremost, they were slaves that at the very beginning lost their families, homes and even had to change their name and religion to have any chance at making a new life. Some lost their families very early, and often it also affected them emotionally when they grew up without having familial bonds. Even as consorts, they were one of many, and they had no legal status outside their children, Even mothers of princes other than hasekis were referred to as “Mother of Prince X” in records, and mothers of daughters were even more invisible. They had a very limited access to outside world, there was no way a woman could ascend the throne as a ruler in her own reign, other than as regent. Not to mention all matters connected with fratricide and kafes, it was living in constant fear. It’s hard to compare them to European queens, who had more stable and safe position even if they also had to face misogyny and oppression .

It was no fairytale, even in the show that didn’t show a lot of atrocities involved in slave trade and focused on those women who still somewhat “succeeded”.

I will use this opportunity to discuss some double standards about those who succeeded vs. those who didn’t pertaining to the TV show, but will later come to the crux, I promise.

The faux feminism in this fandom is astounding to me,including the glaring obvious double standards depending on who fan favourite is - and fan favourite is often who is simply “the coolest”, “most victorious”, “most stylish”, “most lucky”, generally young, beautiful, badass, and successful, not sad or depressed. We all know reactions to Hürrem and Mahidevran doing the same things back in original MY - when Mahidevran did awful things to Hürrem, she was just pathetic jealous woman, but when Hürrem did multiple times the same or worse things to other women it was “yass queen” and she ‘fights for her love, so touching, so strong, so great, self defence”. Suddenly Hürrem is allowed to do so because she”s “not like other girls, so not like these pathetic dumb losers”. Hürrem was strong, cunning, and smart, but she also had one clear advantage over all her “enemies” - the love of the most powerful man in Ottoman history. She made multiple mistakes too, but could always count on Suleiman turning a blind eye or forgiving her - something that Mahidevran or others could never count on.

Frankly, even Hürrem vs. Mustafa was often treated more as Hürrem vs. all this “pathetic” women that fought for Mustafa’s case aka Mahidevran or Suleiman’s sisters in fandom. Suddenly Mustafa cannot even defend his own mother because he immediately had it coming for “choosing the wrong side”. Even if you disapprove of him defending/not abandoning his mother, e.g. choosing to poison him sounds a little disproportionate, don’t you think? I said it and I will repeat it again – Hürrem is a character very similar to Cersei – yes, she suffered a lot because of a system devaluing women and yes she’s a survivor and a strong woman who managed to make life for herself in that system – but she’s not a feminist character because she actually only uses the system to her own advantage (and often perpetuates it), and actually displays a lot of traits of internalised misogyny, voicing multiple times how she is different from other girls and this is why she must be the only one by Suleiman’s side, while other women aren’t even entitled to dream about such things. She condemns Mahidevran for wanting to be the only one and being jealous, but then when Suleiman is with other woman she’s all “I’m not like pathetic Mahidevran, I must be the only one”. Same with multiple comments that she often makes… Hürrem was sassy &sarcastic, and had many good comebacks, but it makes me sad how people often cheered on and applauded those worst ones that again display internalised misogyny, like her mocking Mahidevran why she cares about her appearance so much when she doesn’t have a man to share a bed with? Or her again being all “I will give birth to many boys, and you won’t even give birth to a girl”. Again, that whole society was misogynistic and other women also were influenced by it, like they all wanted to give birth to a boy mostly…but often it is about status and wanting to raise/maintain rank, while Hürrem boasts the fact that she gives birth to many boys as again a trait to show how special&strong she is, even part of her reaction to Mihrimah’s birth is her unable to accept the fact that she could give birth to a girl and being disgusted by the fact.. yes, she accepts her later on and her reaction does also stem from being aware of how misogynist the system is, but it shows precisely that – yes, she is influenced by the system and suffered because of it, but at the same time she begins to display same behaviour that she suffered from, tries to cut herself from others in disadvantaged position. And yes, not all characters had similar reactions to giving births to daughters, and mind you Hürrem already had a son&became sultana, plus was Suleiman’s clear fave that could hope for more children. She wasn’t in the worst situation, even Hafsa and Suleiman were very happy at birth of a girl and nobody criticised her for it. Conversely, in MYK Kösem states multiple times that she wants to give Ahmed both sons and daughters, and when she’s pregnant with her second child, she says she wants a girl now for a change. Even when Ayşe hopes for a boy so that Murad’s anger may be melted, she’s happy about Kaya’s birth&clearly loves the baby from the start & is distraught when she is taken from her. Hürrem was never intended to be viewed as feminist, always justified heroine.. this is why instead of making her first bad deed be a revenge on Mahidevran, who had treated her horribly and unfairly, she attacked the person who was most kind to her of them all and who recently went through the same exact shit. Some people hate Gülnihal, but then say Hürrem wasn’t a homewrecker because she had the right to make life for herself in harem.. true, but so did Gülnihal, and it’s not like she could refuse to go to Suleiman’s chambers pls. It wasn’t to be seen as right, it was clearly shown that Hürrem can be both the oppressed and oppressor at the same time from the start. If they had wanted to make her character only all about revenge, they would have again made her gone after Mahi, not innocent Gülnihal, her “best friend”. And people going how Mahi is irredeemable, but with Hürrem it’s so okay because she’s cool while she slays..eh. I admit I never liked Hürrem because personally she never appealed to me, but I totally get why people stan her because she’s an interesting, three-dimensional character (and yes she does have a softer side too), I’m just bothered by some making her some empowered heroine who is excused for everything by the fact that she was a slave and suffered a lot because of it – because you know she is not the only one who went through the same shit – the harem is full of such women, for start. Even statesmen like Ibrahim or Rüstem are slaves (of course as men they have more opportunities for a career etc.), eunuchs attending ladies are slaves… This whole system is based on slavery, yet she often behaves & talks like she’s the only one who lost her family, was kidnapped & mistreated.

And even Nurbanu becoming her successor was accidental because she actually wanted her dead later, though of course Nurbanu was still clearly inspired by her. She never intended for anyone to follow her example and to make her elevation become a permanent element of Ottoman system, and it’s symbolised by her decision to bury the “ring of power” (lol) with her (though of course what Nurbanu did with taking it anyway was plain disgusting).

I think that trying to examine why this character behaves like that is more interesting than simply go YASSS QUEEN.

Thus said, I hate these reductive“takes” calling these women “bitches” because yes there are complex reasons why some of them have become pretty cruel, so while there are no excuses for some of the behaviour, the simple word “bitch” does not cut it at all.

/Yes, I discussed Hürrem here because out of all MY/K characters she seems to be the least hated among major female characters & biggest fan favourite,/

Anyway, the point is that neither Hürrem nor Mahidevran are the villains of the story. The show makes it clear in its last episodes that Suleiman is the true villain – he was the most powerful man at that time, when the padisah’s position was truly strong, as Gülfem put it in the finale “even leaf cannot fall without your approval”. He’s not as dumb or passive as it may seem at first glance -of course he needs to pretend to be objective and just, but he has his own agenda just as everyone else. Moreover, he pretended to be the one trying to ease conflicts… yet he was often the one enhancing them. Even from the start when he gave the ring he had promised Mahidevran to Hürrem&and in many ways humiliated her… then he did the same with giving Isabella necklace he had promised Hürrem. Bah, it was clear he often enjoyed making Hürrem jealous because it flattered his ego. He ultimately even enhanced the conflict between Selim and Bayezid to get rid of the latter, who was “the more dangerous son”. He was always pulling the strings.. he allowed Selim to buy Bayezid from Tahmasp by the way he conducted negotiations because he knew Bayezid would get rid of his brother on the road. It’s practically what Gülfem says to him in last episode again. He knew what backlash was directed at him following Mustafa’s death and he didn’t want another son killed in front of him. As Mahidevran said in the final episode to Mihrimah “It was your father who chose the lives we lived for all of us”. He was the one that determined the fate for everyone. And even if Mihrimah did not want to admit it in any way in front of her mother’s enemy, she pretty much understood then that Selim was also her father’s puppet in a way and it’s my guess why she ultimately decides to leave the palace instead of plotting revenge for Bayezid (and we know she would eventually be back). It was Suleiman who was pulling strings all along throughout the whole show, even sometimes by choosing to refrain from acting.

In MYK, the situation is different that we deal with incompetent, weak or even tyrannical sultans, who are also sometimes danger to ordinary people or break the Imperial law. Kösem acts here like the protector of sultanate and again we see different standards. Can you imagine how criticised Kösem would be if she had used similar methods to Murad’s or even once had gone to on “night spree” and executed people for banning all these dumb prohibitions? Yet for many Murad is the “cool guy” and “poor misunderstood Murad”. Calling Kösem a tyrant.. please you have an actual tyrant here. Look how much criticism she gets for saying “I’m the state”, while Murad calls himself “shadow of God on Earth” , “sole owner of the Ottoman Empire”, “I’m the justice” , “true death” etc. all the time and he’s “badass”. Or how she’s criticised because she dared to try to influence the Divan to convince Murad to change punishment for his prohibitions. She’s an “usurper”, not the guy who enacts unjust law and oppresses his subjects.

And here we come to crux – look at how Suleiman is treated in MY, everyone is flattering him, he’s the one who for most time isn’t blamed for what is happening, everyone strives to be in his good graces, his sons step on their toes around him and idealise him even when he behaves like a total asshat. Even when he dies people try to remember him for his “magnificence”

Now look at Kösem, a female ruler, who was turned by scapegoat by people when something went bad and she had far less freedom to make choices and yet far more criticism, blame shifting and insults thrown her way. Suleiman is credited “for making sacrifices for the Empire”… but he really didn’t have to execute all the people he decided to kill, and his decisions truly affected everyone badly and led to further mess, starting from Ibrahim’s.. It was especially visible in case of Mustafa – he was obviously innocent and didn’t intend to rebel, but after what happened rebellions did begin.Conversely, each difficult decision that Kösem made led to stabilisation in Empire and prevented unrest, yet what she does is interpreted by some as “wanting power for sake of power” because woman cannot act in favour of state nation or dynasty – there’s only personal interest or power hunger. Her life is clearly framed as tragedy both by the “curse” of her witnessing the death of everyone she loved and her death being a parallel scene to her capture - because she was never truly free.

Interestingly, IMO Suleiman for all his talent and his achievements, fucked up the succession issue – succession by combat truly began to run its course during that period & no longer even fulfilled functions for which it was practiced – to put on the throne “the strongest” contender, one with the biggest support, also most successful military commander – while it’s true that era of conquest was naturally over and Empire had to become more sedentary, it still doesn’t make Selim the strongest or best suited candidate for the throne after Suleiman – his not going on campaigns etc. and being more of palace sultan had nothing to do with him recognising the transformation, but simply lack of interest in state matters and preferring to have fun than to rule. He wasn’t some demon, but he was terribly passive & lazy. And him not being a warrior was the least of his problems. Suleiman had extreme power and authority, he introduced first law reform after Mehmed the Conqueror – the fact that he allowed such contest (and well his sons didn’t even wait for his death to start a civil war) was a bad decision when it came to long-term planning. Some may say maybe he would have done something concerning move to seniority if one of Hürrem’s sons had been the eldest… maybe, but we will never know. Contrary, while all Ahmed’s sons died during Kösem’s lifetime, we know her legacy connected with anti-fratricide law lived on – after her death fratricide was a rare occurrence with only a few special exceptions in specific circumstances.

Of course there’s also the matter that Suleiman’s era and Kösem’s era were totally different – here it was even a success to manage to stabilise Empire. And here we need to stress how important context is – I always stress how important it is to assess historical figures in context – for me it’s hard to even compare, let’s say Kösem and Hürrem, because they lived in different ages and fulfilled different roles, let alone comparisons between historical figures from other parts of the world, perhaps even from different age. I can’t understand e.g. why Peirce compared Kösem and Turhan to Elizabeth I and Mary Stuart in Empress of the East – both situations were completely different, the only thing they had in common was that there was a power struggle between two powerful women, which ended with one of them executing the other (and we don’t even have 100% confirmation of Turhan ordering Kosem’s execution because such thing wasn’t officially in her power). I appreciate Peirce a lot, but TBH this comparison was just dumb for a professional historian.

Kösem’s case really shows how loss of innocence may be used as weapon against you – very early on, she gets the lesson even with Ahmed – the moment she first became involved with scheming following the death of her father, he got mad at her for the duration of her whole pregnancy – he didn’t ask why she had done it or any other details – she wasn’t his “ideal fantasy” from the portrait anymore and this was what mattered – and only then changed his mind when after so many futile attempts made by Kösem to talk to him, she finally forced him to listen to her explanations & motivations, and subsequently he became all “I will make everyone pay for every tear of yours & for making us endure pain of separation”. Ah okay, but don’t forget about yourself ;) And once Kösem stopped being “şehzade’s dream” with death of Ahmed and was truly her own political leader, she became to be more and more exposed to this with the passing of time and once she acquainted more and more power.

And don’t forget some male historians praising Turhan for “giving the power back to the rightful hands aka men”… it tells you all, and it’s false anyway, since it didn’t mean Turhan losing interest in state affairs and only caring about the harem (and honestly, “Köprülü was “her man”, she didn’t choose someone she had no influence upon). That was what she decided the Empire needed at that particular moment, not because she realised that politically involved women sucked lmao.

- Joanna

#ottoman history #magnificent century #magnificent century kosem #muhteşem yüzyıl #muhteşem yüzyıl kösem #answered #you know guys all these answeres were written during all these months the blog was on semi-hiatus #and as I did a lot of rewatch #I put a lot of my thoughts during rewatch to these answers #I doubt they will be as long when I open the askbox again tbh #mods opinions

[yurimother]

LGBTQ Manga Review - If I Could Reach You Vol. 2

The first volume of tMnR’s If I Could Reach You was a nonstop barrage of emotionally shattering and resonating suffering. Uta hopelessly struggled against her feelings for her sister-in-law, Kaoru, until finally recognizing that she could never be rid of them nor act upon them. The second volume gives the readers a much-needed breath, a slower and less devastating story focused mainly on the side characters. While it does a lot right and helps build work's pacing, many parts of this volume feel like an auxiliary bridge between story arcs, which unfortunately drags it down.

The volume starts relatively happy and light, a drastic change from the first. Kaoru starts working on making jewelry, Uta can talk to her somewhat normally and is even looking for a job. However, Reiichi, Uta’s older brother and Kaoru’s husband, is once again absent. Uta’s friend Chloe, who got Uta her job at a cafe, requests her assistance studying for exams, which Uta sees as the perfect opportunity to escape Kaoru and her feelings temporarily.

This plotline allows the reader to learn more about Chloe and further develops her character beyond the brash girl who Uta unloads her problems. I mentioned in my review of Volume One that she was in desperate need of more characterization and focus, given her crucial role as Uta’s confidant, and it is lovely to see this need fulfilled.

Chloe’s father is a hopeless romantic and frequently falls in and out of love with women, to the point where Chloe is unsure of her mother’s identity. Fed up with her father’s behavior, she began living alone and developed a view of love as fleeting and unnecessary. Her past contextualizes her personality and explains her actions and opinions in both this volume and the previous, her isolation, apparent lack of attachments, and bluntness. It perfectly rounds out her character and makes her far more compelling than she previously was.

Miyabi, a coworker of Uta, challenges Chloe’s worldview and ideas of love when she asks her out. However, even after accepting, Chloe continues to be dismissive of her, as she is of everyone, and does not show much affection, physical or otherwise. Their relationship is not healthy; Miyabi is more invested and takes on the role of Chloe’s caretaker, cleaning her apartment, and making her food. However, Chloe is lack of affection leaves Miyabi uncertain about their relationship. Desperate for assistance and wanting to be closer with Chloe, she pursues Uta’s advice.

Ultimately, the conflict in the relationship is solved when they sit down to define their partnership. Chloe declares that she does not want to participate in the usual rituals of romance, but has come to rely on Miyabi and enjoys her presence. They come to an agreement that both agree on and continue their relationship with newly established terms. On the one hand, this resolution is unsatisfying. Their partnership still relies on the dynamic of caretaker and Chloe. Still, it is a defined, and consensual arrangement made between the two, and possibly more faithful to their characterization than a conventional relationship would have been. If one squints, they can claim that Chloe is asexual or aromantic, I think she is just cynical and jaded.

The plot is not poor by any means, and it provides readers with a much-needed reprieve from the emotional torture and drama of the first volume. Unfortunately, much of this plot feels like filler. In total, it makes few accomplishments that serve the greater narrative, such as further developing Chloe. However, its most significant achievements are reinforcing the story’s steady slow pace, and the final growth achieved by the main characters.

After witnessing the relationship between Chloe and Miyabi, Uta decides to become indispensable to Kauru. This revelation is matched by one from Kauru, who is by herself while Reiichi is away. She realizes that she is lonely and needs to have other people around. Her requirement to have Uta nearby, and Uta’s need to be close with her, create a dynamic of codependency. TMnR’s brilliance is on full display here. By establishing this new form of their relationship while the characters are separated, it will make their inevitable reunion that much more complex and compelling. Sadly, other choices made did not pay off nearly as well.

The final twist, which I will not spoil here, is predictable and poorly written. Sadly, it makes Reiichi a much weaker character and seems to set him up as the “villain” for subsequent volumes. One of his most exceptional qualities as a romantic opponent for Uta was that neither she nor the reader could hate him, as he was a moral and kind guy, albeit, slightly absent-minded, who tried to do his best for his sister and wife. However, to the author's credit, the change does not come out of anywhere and helps readers look at past events in a different light.

The manga continues to showcase phenomenal artwork. The characters are well designed and extremely expressive. There are significantly fewer panels featuring Uta looking wretched and exhausted than the first, which matches the volume’s lighter tone. However, the girl's heartache is still exceptionally well communicated, and a few more comically exaggerated faces and actions. Near the end is a fantastic sequence told only through images that shows the characters’ past together, which reinforces and supports their dilemmas and foreshadows coming events brilliantly.

There are a few light moments of service, such as the chapter 8 opening artwork, which displays Chloe in bed with bare shoulders, but hardly anything worth more mentioning. Jennifer Skarupa’s lettering, along with Diana Taylor’s translation and Haruko Hashimoto’s editing, is spectacular, just as it was in the first volume, and really pulls readers into the story and punctuates the more dramatic moments perfectly.

If I Could Reach You Volume 2 is a competent entry into the series, if slightly inconsequential save for the final chapter or two. It seeks to further the world by establishing supporting characters and showing just how dominating and self-destructive Uta’s love is, even when away from Kauru. It makes a few missteps in these efforts, such as an unwelcome twist and failing to serve the main plot. But even then, the story presented is not a bad one. It succeeds in setting the series’ pace and creating new beats by separating the main characters, which will contribute to the upcoming storm that I suspect Volume 3 will be. All of these elements are encased by tMnR’s robust dialogue and exceptional artwork. While it will not be most reader’s favorite, I strongly encourage that they do not skip it, as it serves for a launching point into a far more compelling and tumultuous continuation.

Ratings: Story – 6 Characters – 7 Art – 9 LGBTQ – 7 Sexual Content – 1 Final – 6

Purchase If I Could Reach You 2 digitally and physically here: https://amzn.to/2FQNzlw

Review copy provided by Kodansha Comics

Found out more at  kodanshacomics. com/series/if-i-could-reach-you/ 

#yuri #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtq+ #queer #gay #reviews #wlw #girls love #gl #manga #anime #if I could reach you #tmnr #kodansha #comics #f/f

[spill-the-milk-tea]

My Thoughts On “A Whisker Away”

Warnings: spoilers, mentions of suicide/self-harm

A Whisker Away could have done better in a lot of areas, but it’s by no means bad, and the plot and overall concept make up for most of its shortcomings. Clearly Netflix is working hard to emulate the Ghibli formula, and while their attempts have all been misses so far, they have been gradually getting closer—and this is a big step away from the disaster that was Ni No Kuni. Better script writers and more time spent on animation is my only suggestion—scripts have always been a struggle for Netflix, which goes hand in hand with my second suggestion, because they’re focused on churning out new content.

Still, I think this would be a great film to show to children and young adults struggling with suicidal thoughts. Having this omen of destruction in the form of a cat, representing Miyo’s constant self-doubt, was actually very poignant. The first time we see Miyo’s mask fall and we see her real, bitter feelings is when she sees the first cat in the movie, which perfectly reflects her self-hatred. The way the Mask Seller speaks is clearly meant to represent Miyo’s inner dialogue, as she is hesitant to protest to them at first, but when they suggest going full-cat, she adamantly tells the voice to shut up.

While a lot of the other messages were sort of thrown in our face, I appreciate that some of the best symbolic ones were kept subtle rather than exposition-dumped on us. For example, Hinode only turning into a cat via his hands keys us into the fact that the cat transformation is dependent on self-hatred. Hinode feels like he’ll never be good enough to become a potter, thus he loses his hands. I actually like that they chose to go this route, as ridiculous as it was, because it subtly suggested to the audience that “becoming a cat” (aka suicide) isn’t a choice anyone can make just based on difficult circumstances.

I feel like the creep-factor on the Mask Seller could have been played up more, but I guess presenting him as this eccentric character that almost seemed to have the main character’s best interest at heart works better for the metaphor. He seemed mostly unassuming and non-threatening, and weird as he was, he made a convincing case. His concept as a villain is actually very cool. This idea that he steals the lives of those who don’t want them anymore, combined with his drug-dealer archetype is very unique. He preys on people who already hate themselves, luring them into thinking their lives aren’t worth living anymore, giving them a taste of freedom through his cat mask (aka self-harm). Once they’re hooked, he convinces them to make the full leap, whether they truly want it or not. The sort of momentary, but ultimately unsatisfying relief of self-harm to a suicidal person is captured very eloquently in the cat transformation metaphor. It’s actually quite dark how Miyo is so adamant about not transforming at first, but in a matter of days, after one particularly traumatic incident, she’s fully committed.

The connection between the feline and depression metaphor got a little messy near the end, but still nonetheless made an emotional impact. The cat believed that by taking someone else’s face, they could show their owner the love they deserved. Kinako showed a clear disdain for Miyo for not showing Kaoru the love she deserved, and sort of acted as this physical representation of Miyo feeling like she didn’t truly belong in the family. Of course, the owner loves them as a cat, not as someone else. The whole cat stealing human lives thing doesn’t play much into a bigger picture past just representing how as much as it may seem like it, becoming someone else or trying to take someone else’s spot won’t make us truly happy. And I think Kinako realizing it’s better to live out her own short life making Kaoru happy was a short but very sweet subplot.

The scene that really touched me most, surprisingly, was just seeing how Yori so persistently apologized to Miyo as she ran away from her. It so perfectly encapsulated the guilt that friends and family of suicidal ones feel when they see this person they care about clearly suffering. Yori clearly had Miyo’s best interests at heart and genuinely stayed by Miyo’s side through all of her troubles, and is a great example of how to be a supportive friend to a depressed person. She never coddled or pitied Miyo, but she was clearly worried when Miyo started acting “off”, and even then tried to stick by Miyo’s side and be supportive.

Muge is definitely eccentric and painfully cringy, but that in itself makes her a realistic teenage girl character (and a neurotypical adult male doesn’t get to paint her valid character flaws as failings on her or the writers’ part damn it.) Her feelings and thoughts start off as seeming very weird and childish, but gradually you come to understand her reasoning the more the movie goes on. Having been abandoned at such a young age, she pushes people away deep down in her heart, thinking that no one can ever truly love her. She was deeply damaged and never felt like she could really trust anyone again, viewing everyone as either selfish or irrelevant (represented by scarecrows.) This at first seems to just symbolize how other people seemingly don’t matter when she sees the guy she likes, but when she transforms her own parents into scarecrows, we see it represents her pushing people away from her. She tries to act like she doesn’t need other people to love her, when deep down, she really wants proof that someone can truly love her despite her eccentricities, as seen in her obsession to make Hinode confess to her.

One of the points in this metaphor I felt was lacking was that they didn’t really address how Miyo’s psychological reliance on Hinode as this perfect guy that would solve all her problems because of his apparent loyalty was sort of toxic? They definitely established it as over idealized and somewhat exaggerated with that whole Cinderella-transformation scene, where you can clearly see that she believes Hinode loving her will solve all of her problems. In the end I suppose it’s countered with her finally being accepted by Hinode and her accepting him in return, and her realizing that’s all she really wanted.

I did appreciate the background noise of Hinode telling the Mask Seller that it wasn’t Miyo’s fault her life was difficult, because it really puts things into perspective. The Mask Seller took advantage of Miyo’s trauma, just as it isn’t the fault of a suicidal person when their negative thoughts overtake them. That’s why we first see the mask seller when Miyo is at one of her lowest points—when she’s with her mother, attempting but failing to overcome her feelings of abandonment as she first begins to shut her out; and having just moved in with her stepmother, clearly overwhelmed with emotional burdens. I also thought it was interesting that they explained her not transforming back as deep down not wanting to be a human again. She still didn’t believe herself as being capable of being loved, and it took her realizing that she needs to love the people in her life first before she can truly start to heal. And it’s true, there’s a difference between not wanting to die and actually overcoming your depression.

In any case, Miyo’s thought process was almost painfully accurate. The way she lashed out at her parents for wanting her to stop smiling if she didn’t feel like it was something I definitely went through. It’s hard to explain, and definitely irrational, but in the most cold and logical sense, being told to give up your coping mechanism by the people who you feel are causing you to use said coping mechanism feels really offensive in the moment. She was using up so much emotional energy acting like she was okay for her parents, so she felt like it wasn’t their right to ask if she was okay. 

It was a really brief, but sad moment when we saw the difference between how she perceived her favorite meal at her house as opposed to when Hinode gave it to her. It wasn’t meant to show that her feelings of depression were circumstantial so much as it highlighted her abnormal mood swings, as well as how the root of her depression, so to speak, stemmed from her home life. And while I don’t agree entirely with how their relationship played out, I cannot agree more that seeing a person you care about suffering from self-hatred snaps you out of your own dark thoughts so quick. Miyo was quick to see Hinode’s good traits and to rationalize that he didn’t need to hate himself, but she couldn’t do it with herself. It took the thought of Hinode also possibly losing his life for her to snap out of her suicidal state of mind. Most suicidal people rationalize that the people around them would be fine if they died, or even preferred it, so Hinode showing through both actions and words that he didn’t want her to “turn into a cat forever” helped her start to value her own life. 

It was a stark contrast between me as the viewer, feeling like Miyo’s transformation was technically Hinode’s fault, and Miyo, who felt like she needed to transform for Hinode’s sake because she loved him so much. Wanting to die because of the boy she loved may seem like a stretch in the terms of the metaphor, but that’s the point. The things the Mask Seller says are inherently illogical, but he says them when the person is at their weakest emotionally, which makes it easier to convince them. In the end, both Miyo and Hinode were able to free themselves of their masks (aka their irrational self-hatred) when Miyo realized that Hinode genuinely wanted to get to know her, and Hinode stopped feeling like he needed to hold back so Miyo wouldn’t see he was a “nobody”. Essentially, being honest and vulnerable with one another.

Overall, I think having this “Mask Stealer” as this antagonist representing suicidal thoughts gives new meaning to the idea of one “taking away their own life” and is actually really eye opening to those who may be facing similar situations as Miyo. The message is cheesy, but the creative way in which they tackled adolescent depression and suicide is worth watching.

#a whisker away #tw: depression #tw: suicide #tw: mental health #tw: self harm #tw: self-harm

[feminist-propaganda]

Single Mothers Will Probably Cry During Every Episode Of Queen’s Gambit - Episode 5

Beth has been listening to all of her mother’s advice. Episode after episode. She just needs a lot of time to process it, and she doesn’t need it all at once. But when she needs it, shes uses it.

In Episode 4, Middle Game, Alice was completely absent and Beth was completely lost. She listened to Alma’s advice, which was downright bad (your emotions are your strength) and she lost against Borgov. She also lost Alma and started flirting with substance abuse.

The lesson from Episode 4 was “Don’t block me out”, and I finished my essay with a note about how it’s important for young women to identify with their mothers in order to become balanced individuals, with an “integrated personality”.

Beth learned in Episode 4 that she needs to identify with her mother, even if this is scary. She also understands that the world might be telling her that her mother is a freak. But at the same time, the world is telling her that Alma was in the right. Drinking heavily, the way Alma was doing it, is completely accepted in society (Alma drank on airplanes, at the hotel and in restaurants). But Alma died, which seems to have left a mark on Beth. 

If the world was wrong about Alma, than the world is also probably wrong about Alice.

And so for the first time since the series has started, we hear Alice speak, we hear her say something else than “Close her eyes”.

Lesson 5 : The Strongest Person is the person who isn’t scared of being alone.

I’ll go ahead and quote the entire sequence, because it’s just that beautiful and meaningful to me:

“Dark’s nothing to be afraid of. In fact, I’d go as far as saying as there’s nothing to be afraid of. Anywhere. The Strongest Person is the person who isn’t scared of being alone. It’s other people you got to worry about. Other people. They’ll tell you what to do... how to feel. Before you know it... you’re pouring your life out in search of something other people told you to go look for. Someday you’re going to be all alone so you need to figure out how to take care of yourself.”

The episode starts with Beth coming home to Kentucky after she’s lost Alma in Mexico. Beltik calls her and offers her to train her. He aknowledges that she is q  far better player than he ever will, however, he thinks he might have something to contribute in order to prepare her for the next championship where she needs to win against Benny.

Half of the episode shows us this growing intimacy between Beth and Beltik. He shares his books with her, cooks for her, waits for her on the porch as she comes back from grocery shopping. She even goes as far as inviting him to live with her for a while.

When he kisses her, she even encourages him. But once they’ve had sex, she rolls over, lights a cigarette and starts reading a magazine. This is bizarre behavior coming from a woman. We, viewers aren’t used to this. We usually expect the woman to want to talk, giggle and make plans for the future. But Beth is emotionally detached from the situation. An ice queen. Where did she leard this. What model is she using?

Of course - she is using Alice’s advice. 

The thing with single mothers that i think most people don’t understand, is that they aren’t looking for a new husband to adopt their kids and play house with them. They are single mothers. They want to be single and at the same time they are taking care of their children. Showing up for their descendants. Single Mother isn’t a stop before regaining the town of Married Mom. It is where the train stops and these women get off. They aren’t trying to remove themselves from that situation. 

This is mostly why society hates single mothers and tries it’s best to discourage them. 

It makes married women extremely uncomfortable. The reason is makes them uncomfortable is married women deal with a lot of abuse in their own homes. And they stay in these situations of abuse because they don’t always know how to exit them. Most of the time they don’t have the financial ressources to exit these environments. They stay in unfulfilling marriages because they believe that single motherhood is the only thing worse than that. This is why when they meet single mothers, they tend to encourage them to find themselves a new partner. It’s painful for them to imagine that there is another way. 

Men dislke single mothers because they perceive cingle mother to be defiant. They believe single mothers hate men, or actively campaign against them. They find it important to let single mothers know that they are good men. That they are good fathers and good husbands. If they cannot convince the single mothers of this, they might change their tone and become agressive, and accuse the single mother of being bitter or resentful.

In general, the message we send single mothers the message that it’s just oo hard, and that they can’t raise children by themselves. And to make sure their message gets across they represent single mothers in pop culture as failures. 

Single mothers might be poor and they might be tired, but at least they don’t have a man in their home terrifying them, harassing them, destroying their personalities, bringing down their self esteem, being manipulative and dominant every chance they get.

Single mothers are women who once believed in having children with a man, and realized at some point that if they stayed in that situation they would quite literally lose their minds. Think I’m exagerating? Look at Alma.

The episode is called Fork, and in chess it:

“is a tactic whereby a single piece makes two or more direct attacks simultaneously. Most commonly two pieces are threatened, which is also sometimes called a double attack . The attacker usually aims to gain material by capturing one of the opponent's pieces.”

In the first half of the Episode, Beltik is obviously the attacker. He is the one who calls Beth on the phone and shows up at her house to play chess. The name of the episode tells us he wants to attack two of her pieces simultaneously. The purpose of the fork is for the attacker to take at least one of the pieces they attack. The defendent can only save one. 

I would argue that Beltik launched an attack on Beth’s mind and her body. Beth never surrendered her mind, instead she gave him sex and moved on. Thus, Beth is maintaining her intellectual independance, her inner peace & her most prized possession: her clarity.

If Beth had given him her mind, and kept her body, say saved it for mariage, for might’ve lost her drive, and never made it to Moscow, which we know is the ultimate destination for this brilliant young mind.

After a couple of weeks, Beltik understands that he won’t get Beth to settle down with him, and that all she cares about is Chess. She would probably refuse if he asked her to marry him. He leaves, and as he exits the home he lets her know that he’s figured out her addiction to the tranquilizers. That’s a very dominant move, but Beth is so strong that she doesn’t even bat an eye.

Instead, we see her sleeping in the master bedroom, smoking in bed and listening to cassettes in Russian as she studies Borgov’s personality. She is lazer focused on what her goals are and gives herself the means to achieve them.

The second part of the episode takes place at the Ohio State University where the 1967 U.S. Championship is held. Benny and Beth exchange some snide remarks as they gaze onto their competitors. They both know they are by far the best players and they will probably compete against each other at the final. In Vegas, they were co-champions. If she wins, she goes to Europe. But can she get past him? Can she beat him?

She certainly seems like she wants to. She asks him why he carries that silly knife around, or when she finds him lecturing a college student about Chess she asks “found yourself a reporter did you?”.

Benny wants her to meet him at the Student Union to have a couple of beers. At first she says no, but later she allows herself to be talked into it. They play speed chess and he wins. Over and over again.

The next day, he finds her on campus and says “It’s gonna be you or me”. She responds “Are you trying to psych me out?”

She ends up winning the game in 30 moves. Just like she gave Beltik sex, in exchange for her freedom, she gave Benny that glorious night at the student union, where all of the boys watched as he won speed chess. She sacrified that for the title - which gets her to Paris, than Moscow, where she belongs.

Alice’s advice was never to fear being alone. There’s a lot of strategies people use to avoid being alone. Shacking up with someone they had sex with once, which Beth could’ve done with Beltik is a way. Being worried about what the college students from Ohio think about your speed chess is another way.

The last scene before playing the match we see Beth gazing at the college students engaging in small talk, as they sit on the grass ouside of the buildings. She sits on the bench, at ease with herself. She doesn’t need anyone by her side to feel okay. That is her strength; that is what gets her past Benny and Beltik and across the Atlantic ocean to Paris.

#feminism #single mom #the queen's gambit