#miss you falin. youre in my heart.

[perilouspage]

next week we get to see Falin again, bless

#gia speaks #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #i cant believe they cut bam pow falin this ep... #miss you falin. youre in my heart.

[tofixtheshadows]

Id love to hear ur interpretation and analysis on falin! She’s one of my favorite characters and and I was wondering what ur thoughts on her are

Man, I struggle to think of anything I could say about Falin that others have not already said. But she's one of my favorite things about Dungeon Meshi too.

So much of the story revolves around Falin, and she's not even there. Tumblr loves to talk about haunting the narrative, but Falin might be one of the best examples of it ever put to page. She's dead. She's alive. She's dead. She's alive. She's alive but she's missing, she's alive but she isn't herself. She's dead but she might wake. She's dead but she's frozen in ice. She's alive but she's sleepwalking. They chase her ghost and they chase her body all through the story.

I think what Kui does with her is fascinating. Not just as character with a personality we can analyze, but as an object in a narrative- that's why I say she's one of my favorite things about the story, because I also mean it in a mechanical sense. As a writer, Kui's really good at misdirection- that is, setting you up to believe or expect something about a character or a plot, and then turning that on its head. It's most apparent with Kabru, but it works really well with Falin too.

Because the precious little sister is a very well known character archetype, right? So is the gentle healer. The heart of the party. The white mage girl. The damsel in distress. The martyr.

And this isn't a Laura Palmer situation, where we find out that beneath her wholesome surface there's something dark and troubled. No, Falin truly is a kind and gentle person. That isn't where the misdirection leads (and that, too, I think, is another misdirection- it's not "Plot twist, she isn't as nice as you thought!", which would almost be too easy).

The misdirection here is more about structure than about character (but also, yeah- a little about character).

What I mean is, with these archetypes firmly in mind, along with a whole other host of fantasy genre expectations, I think anyone who goes into Dungeon Meshi un-spoiled probably expects Falin's rescue to be an endgame event; at least on a subconscious level, where you're not really thinking about it but in the back of your head you're already stretching out the story to place Falin firmly in the distance. Fire breathing dragon at the bottom of the dungeon is perfect final boss material, right? Slay the dragon. Rescue the princess.

And Falin is the perfect prize in the traditional old school fantasy that the concept of the titular dungeon is a send-up to. Blonde (white), soft-spoken, sweet-natured, beloved by everyone. An angelic figure.

Maybe that's why Ryoko Kui gave her white wings.

It is sort of jarring when chapter 23 rolls around and it's already time to fight the red dragon. And it takes a few chapters, but they succeed. And then Falin's impossible resurrection succeeds. But by then you guess that this is not going to be the story you expected it to be.

I want to point out that Falin spends a lot of time getting, well, babied, post-resurrection. Marcille washes her in the bath, despite Falin stating that she's capable of washing herself. Marcille schools her about her mana use despite Falin demonstrating that she is not hurting for mana, and brushes aside Falin's explanations. Both Marcille and Laios refuse to actually tell her what happened. Laios scruffs up her hair like she's a little kid and scolds her for something she can't remember doing. Marcille explicitly calls her a little kid when Falin tries to talk about how much she's grown.

Of course I'm not saying that Laios was wrong to act like a big brother, or that Marcille shouldn't be worried about taking care of her shell-shocked friend in the bath. But the framing of it clearly shows a Falin who is struggling to be heard.

If you'd like to address the big gay elephant in the room while we're here, I want to state for the record that- whether you read her as gay or not -I think Marcille is completely oblivious during this. Because Falin is her little friend from school. Her best friend, yes, but also the young tallman student she, in her infinite elven wisdom, had to mentor and look after. Marcille has not yet accepted that Falin is an adult now, nor has she accepted that she, herself, is only barely past teenagerhood developmentally and is not nearly as mature as she believes. Of course she'd scrub Falin in the bath and fuss over her.

Falin, meanwhile, seems more than aware of her own adult body and the inappropriate way Marcille is treating it.

The mana-sharing scene is, I think, Falin trying to get a little of her own back. How do you like it, Marcille?

And she tries again in bed.

Maybe she's wondering if their relationship will change now that they're grown ups. If Marcille prefers her as a little girl, or at least as a woman who lets herself be guided like one; if Marcille will react badly if Falin keeps trying to assert herself. She also might be subtly trying to signal to Marcille that bed sharing, like bathing, carries a different weight to it when you do it as adults rather than as children.

With all this in mind, the decision to turn Falin from the precious prize they rescued into to the vicious dragon they have to slay, hits a lot harder.

Falin with a powerful, monstrous, destructive body. Falin, who couldn't even stand to cause people pain from using healing spells, slaughtering half a dozen people in brutal ways. And that's not her, she's being mind-controlled, but as an object in the story she has completely flipped. From damsel to threat.

And I love that she carries a little bit of that with her when she's resurrected again.

Because she's no longer the girl who's going to let herself be stifled by her brother's and her best friend's co-dependency, no matter how much she loves them. She's different now: stronger, eyes open, forging her own path instead of following in their wake. Falin is still going to come back to them again, but this time it won't be because they chased her. It'll be because they let her go.

#Dungeon Meshi #Falin Touden #hiiii anon I hope you're still around #I'm sorry I didn't get to this last week but it was a bad brain time and I had to keep coming back to this #can I also apologize for the amount of tangents I nearly went off on here? #musings with Dea #dungeonposting #Dungeon Meshi spoilers #I had to rein myself in a lot because I could have taken like five other points here to expand on #Dea answers #Dea's anonymous friends

[officialspec]

can you pleeeeease post your dm sexuality/gender hcs on here.... 🥺 i don't have a twitter but i wanna know. it's like a pandora's box to me now i'm like scratching at the door. let me in

heres the link 2 the thread (mild spoilers btw) ill post a transcript under the cut for ppl who dont have twitter

first off i think laios relationship to sex is super removed for like 50 reasons without even getting into his actual sexuality

he grew up in a place with very repressed ideas about sex and has a lot of fear about asserting his presence in situations

his special interest takes precedent over any social interactions he has and the level of closeness he feels towards people

he has a hard time figuring out his feelings towards other people both bc hes autistic and bc he has freaky deviantart fetishes that make sex in his mind a very abstract concept <- this one is me projecting mostly

that aside, i feel like gender-wise hes attracted to ppl so infrequently it may as well be entirely case-by-case

the idea of him being gay appeals to me from the 'raised with traditional values he Does Not fit into/hasnt begun to question it yet' perspective, i lauve characters who put a lot of stock into performing a role thats expected of them and fail miserably for unknown (gay) reasons

from his perspective tho i dont think he would ever really label himself anything. hes going to pride parades in the shirt+shorts Ally Fit to clap for his friends

hes also 'cis by indifference' imo... i love tmasc laios hcs it just doesnt mesh w his personal history to me. i do think hes got some kind of therian gender thing going on (not trans or nb but a secret third thing) but i cant see him changing anything abt his appearance/pronouns to accommodate that post-canon. hes just doin his thang

falin is in a similar boat for gender. i LOOVE tfem falin but the village repression thing has been bugging at me so i dont think i subscribe to it anymore (canon purist sorry) BUT if u hold that hc i am clapping and cheering regardless

instead i was propagandised to a while back and i LOVEEE the idea that being fused w a male dragon and the residual traits she has after being revived have given her a type of gender euphoria she didnt realise she was missing. a little boygirl swagger if u will

sexuality-wise i also dont think she would care to label herself, shes a lesbian by virtue of only being interested in One woman and zero other people. without marcille i do think shes still exclusively attracted to women, and i like to imagine she might experiment around a bit during her travels post-canon (pre-relationship). hearing abt it might put marcille on the news though

marcille is very simple That is a transfem lesbian. she cant get pregnant, shes obsessed w being femme and all that combined w her half-tallman struggles to be seen as 'properly feminine' by elf standards reads very transfeminine to Me. also her bookboy crush REEKS of comphet its not subtle

i think a more comfortable marcy might have the space to experiment w being elf butch like her manga boys but thats mainly self indulgence for me. utena could have saved her

senshi is gay his whole thing is abt not being able to perform dwarven masculinity to a proper standard (soft hearted, not as strong or rugged as his peers) which is like gaycoding 101. also hes a bear. homosexuality be damned by boy can work a grill

adding onto this i rly think senshi got some type of euphoria from being an elf in the changeling chapters. he was feeling himself so much i think he was using it as an outlet to have fun being a little fem and fruity without needing to justify it. do u understand

i dont have any particular opinions abt him gender-wise beyond that. his bulge is an essential part of his character design but i also saw a transmasc senshi a couple days ago that made me nod my head thoughtfully so i could go either way

chilchuck is cis and bisexual this is just canon. not even just his old man crush on senshi altho i do think thats very funny but they put his ass on a cover themed like hes in a dating sim with all the men and women in the cast and then slapped it in front of a chapter called "bicorn". i simply cant pass up that kind of overt signaling. its so fucking funny what else is there to say truly

izu to ME is a transmasc aroace lesbian (this one has the least basis in canon i just know it to be true) shes a little genderfluid with it nd uses he/she i think. i like to imagine she consistently uses masculine personal pronouns to refer to herself either way tho (boku, ore)

i think izutsumis gender/sexuality is entirely secondary in priorities to her body dysphoria. she has a lot of learning and acceptance 2 do before that kind of self discovery is on the docket and in my mind eschewing gender on some level is part of that. get sillay

shuro is cishet but at least he feels bad about it. next

kabru is a transmasc bisexual this is also practically text. his whole thing of being treated like a doll by milsiril to put in pretty dresses, plus i think it would be pretty easy for him to stealth in the west since tallmen are seen as inherently more masculine than elves

(i also think changing genders is just more common for elves. theyre androgynous enough that it wouldnt be hard and like who in their right miiiiind would be the same gender for 500 years. dwarves too)

i think he started presenting as male socially in the west but didnt need to consider medical transition until he moved to a more mixed culture where other races might see him as a woman

i dont have to explain the bisexual part. have u seen him

namari is a butch bisexual this is just canon straight up. shes not transmasc but i think the default settings for dwarven women is like 4 years of T regardless. shes a hit at all the local cruising spots despite her renfaire nerdisms i know this

and just bc im thinking abt em kiki and kaka are identical and kiki is tfem :} theyre both attracted to women but kaka is a sub so i forgive him

THATS ALL 4 NOW theres a lot of characters so i cant have thoughts abt all of them at once but i hope this was good. im right about everything forever as per usual

#ask #headcanons #passes out. my Mind #dunmesh

[momodita]

snapshots. [—chilchuck tims]

TAGS / WARNINGS: gender neutral reader, modern au,       minor pining, background marcille/falin WC: 1,000 NOTE: divorced father of 3 save me... save me       divorced father of 3...

✗ MINORS / AGELESS / BLANK BLOGS DNI.

“Move over.”

Chilchuck’s voice startles you. The bowl in his hands is steaming: a hearty stew made with Falin and Marcille’s collective effort—(“Senshi’s tried and true recipe!”). A thick slice of bread perches on its rim. It smells just as heavenly as it did at dinner.

“Here?” you ask, stupefied. The armchair you’ve claimed is wide; there’s easily enough space to fit a Chilchuck-sized person, but your mind jumps—unbidden—to the reason he’d been late in the first place.

“Where else?” He nudges you with his knee. “As if I’m gonna sit near that love-fest over there.”

“You’re not welcome anyways,” Marcille tuts, midway through dipping the maraschino cherry from her sundae into Falin’s mouth.

“This is my apartment!”

You concede with a laugh: it’s just your bruised heart working overtime. The moment his body settles, shoulders touching, you stop being able to taste the ice cream Laios had scooped into your bowl. Existence narrowing to that point of contact with a familiar little rush.

It’s Laios’ turn to choose tonight’s movie, much to Marcille’s dismay—(“A documentary classifies! This is a really interesting one!”)—and he scrolls to find it as Chilchuck digs into his food.

Midway through, you engage him in a thrilling mock-battle of fencing spoons. Falin dozes, lulled from the careful stroke of Marcille’s fingers through her hair. By the time the credits roll, they’re folded onto each other, soft snores drowned out by music.

“They fell asleep again,” Chilchuck drawls, chin cushioned against his hand.

“Must be crashing after all that sugar,” Laios suggests, drapes a blanket over them.

“They were pretty high energy tonight. Eager to hear about how Chilchuck’s date went, I guess,” you tease, taking up the mantle with Marcille fast asleep. “You didn’t even tell us her name.” Keeping the tone casual despite the haunting little pit in your stomach.

(It’d been a shock to hear about it: for as long as you’ve known him, Chilchuck has been eager to keep his life private—even from long-time friends. And there’d been no signs of anyone—except you and your little group—coveting his time and attention; no extra, unexplained toothbrushes, no brands you don’t recognize in his pantry, no missed get-togethers.)

“Huh?” He gives you a look, confusion twisted in his features. The TV’s light illuminates a silver hair. “I wasn’t with any girl.”

Your brow furrows. “…His name? Their name?”

Chilchuck stares. This close—where the minuscule twitches in his expression are noticeable—it’s strangely evaluating.

“You know Marcille was joking when she said it was a date, right?” Heat sears along your cheekbones; embarrassment flushing hot under his gaze—the realization of your mistake.

“Of course I knew,” you say stupidly. Chilchuck’s eyebrow quirks. “Shut up. Don’t look at me like that.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Well, then if it wasn’t a date, who were you with?”

“Senshi,” he says. “He was—we, uh,” his eyes slide off to the side, “I asked him for a favor.”

“Oh?” you hum, relief and mirth creating a warm hum behind your ribs. “Looking to get a side hustle as a cook?”

“Not even close,” he grunts, looking away.

“Should we start calling you our little master chef?” You nudge him with a grin.

“Chilchuck is already quite good at cooking,” Laios pipes up without taking his eyes off the screen. “Maybe he’ll learn to make something else after mastering ramen.”

“Hey—”

“Ramen?” you ask, head tilting. “Like, the instant kind?”

Chilchuck splutters. “No!”

“From scratch!” Laios beams. “Senshi’s said he’s been making really good progress since his first day.”

“Oh?” you grin. “Our little master chef is gonna open a ramen shop?”

“Shut up. No way. Not ever,” Chilchuck grumbles, the high curve of his ear a soft pink.

“I hope you’ll make it for us one day—I love ramen,” you say. “Very tedious, though, so I’ve never done it myself.”

His face scrunches, mouth pursing together like he wants to speak, but doesn’t. His cheeks puff with air, releasing as a long, quiet sigh.

“Oh, hey, so after ramen”—you lean a hand on the chair’s opposite arm, boxing him in with a cheeky little smile—“you should look into French onion soup. It’s probably easier than ramen but caramelizing the onions takes so long—”

“You—!” he leans back, shoulders tense and eyes wide. “Don’t go making requests before I’ve even cooked anything decent.”

“Why not? I bet it’ll be great! You’re good with your hands, so soup is probably a piece of cake for you.” You watch—with no small amount of pleasure—as Chilchuck’s face flushes with vivid color.

“Get away from me,” he mumbles, but his tone is so insincere all you do is laugh. He knocks a loose fist against the inside of your elbow. A surprised noise jumps out; you retreat back against the chair, rubbing the spot.

“Mmh?” Marcille rouses with a sleepy hum. “What’re you requestin’?”

“Chilchuck is making us ramen,” you joke, relishing the way he knocks an admonishing leg against yours. “He’s our little master chef.”

“Oh, yeah. Did Laios end up spilling the beans?” Marcille yawns. Falin stirs, eyes fluttering. “Congratulations, you two.”

Chilchuck goes stiff beside you. “What do you mean?” you ask.

Marcille pauses, head tilting with a drowsy look of confusion. “Huh? Didn’t you ask why he’s learning to make it?” she asks. Falin tugs her sleeve.

You blink. “No. Should I have?” Marcille doesn’t respond right away, head bent to put an ear by Falin’s mouth, expression pinched as they whisper. Then, with a sigh, she reaches up to stretch.

“No. Never mind. Forget I said anything.” Laios is quick to grab her attention.

“Hey, so are you actually opening a ramen shop?” you whisper to Chilchuck.

“You’re such an airhead,” he grunts against his palm.

“I’m great,” you reply. His eyes meet yours, holding your gaze. When next he speaks, his voice is soft—acquiescing easily to your jest.

“Guess you are.”

#chilchuck tims x reader #chilchuck x reader #dungeon meshi fic #dungeon meshi x reader #snapshot fic #reader insert #food as a love language from me wow how new and exciting #momodita fic

[dani-luminae]

So this post introduced me to posters for Wish that I hadn't seen before and BUCKLE UP FOLKS CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO GO NUTS

REFERENCES GALOOOOORRRRE! There's Rapunzel's lanterns reflected on the water as well as her sun symbol painted on the cottage pillars, Moana's (Te Fiti's heart) spiral on the rocks to the left, a racoon and the partridges which I chose to believe are a Snow White reference (of course the racoon could be Meeko from Pocahontas, too.) The flower resembles the Sundrop flower (with the wrong amount of petals and no glow.) There's also a carving on the rocks just below the cottage, but I can't make out what the carving is. Can you?

EVEN MORE REFERENCES GALORE AND FOLKS I'M GONNA SCREAM! In Wish bubbles at the top of the screen we have: the Elephant Graveyard from The Lion King; Ariel from The Little Mermaid; an unknown for certain man standing at a ship's wheel, possibly Eric; Sleeping Beauty's dress; an unknown scene that looks like water; Be Prepared from the Lion King (the crescent moon finale); a figure with a staff or a flag, maybe Radcliffe from Pocahontas?; Gaston, flexing; and someone reaching out for what looks like the moon, sitting on something that looks vaguely like a fish (Aladdin? Quasimodo? Milo in Atlantis?)

BELOW the Wish orbs, though, we've got Disney Villain props all tossed around! At the back worktable we see Dr. Facilier's hat, next to a Sundrop flower, and a rack of antlers and fur that I'm gonna take as a Gaston reference. On the front worktable we have the Poison Apple from Snow White, some Tarot cards of Facilier's, bottled polyps from Ursula's lair, and in the stacks of scrolls below we can see Judge Claude Frollo's hat.

Aladdin's lamp and Bruno's ruana are sitting on a rock to the right, and between them are colorful bugs from The Lion King! The trees have faces which made me think of Grandmother Willow but not sure fully. Up at the top we can see a silhouette of Lumiere on one of the branches, and a racoon holds Chip the teacup! The owl and bluebirds are of course typical "princess in the forest" companions and I'll let you draw your own conclusions, but we also have Bambi and Faline (both adults) in the background! One of the chipmunks in the foreground holds a piece of broken green stone like the kind that stores Bruno's visions, right above a turtle that I'm certain is a Snow White reference! Also, the flowers covered in visible dewdrops as well as the mushrooms remind me of "The Nutcracker Suite" animations in Fantasia!

And last (and with the least references I could find,) on the left we have one of Belle's books sitting on the steps! A farmer with the giant pumpkin that might have been Cinderella's carriage has just gone past in the background, and Simba's symbol from The Lion King can be seen on the opposite side of the steps, close to the yellow pinwheel. The two children are sitting on a pirate ship under two stars... maybe the Second Star to the Right? The last woman on the right has a pattern on her vase that I can't quite make out, and Valentino has a dandelion in his mouth (my first impression is the dandelions that Belle holds while singing her I Want song, but I could be wrong!)

Did I miss any references? Can you spot any that I didn't see? Please let me know!

#disney wish #wish 2023 #moana #encanto #princess and the frog #beauty and the beast #snow white and the seven dwarfs #cinderella #sleeping beauty #tangled #fantasia #the lion king #the little mermaid #bambi #i think that's all the movies lol

[malewifesband]

trying to go back and actually write this scene w kabru and rin. my stupid illness is worse again so im struggling but id like thoughts if anyone has them. on like any aspect

to establish: i feel like kabru takes rin for granted like by far the person he seems to treat worst is her. hes not a terrible person for this no way but like the way he teases her about liking him despite having no feelings for her ... idk i feel like he counts on rin always being there. like nothing could push her away so he feels he can be a bit cruel and hell be forgiven--not like she doesnt rag on him all time, right?

but i think things change when he falls in love. like it finally hits rin that man, its never going to be her. shes watched him date around for years, and never truly fall for someone, so there was always that hope that one day hed just realize how he really felt about her. and now she cant delude herself thats true, she can just fuckin tell how bad he has it for laios after spending two years living between the castle and her apothecary. she starts trying to breakaway from him, because every time she talks to him theres a reminder that he loves someone who isnt her.

feeling especially pathetic one night, she sees marcille, who is also feeling especially pathetic bc falin is still over a year away from her and enjoying their open relationship, but marcille doesnt. she cant bring herself to want anyone but falin. rins like ok bet. we are the same kind of pathetic and i dont like you but youve also been nothing but nice to me and im not reconciling these feelings. lets have sex

the scene im struggling with comes after

like rin is in the garden again, hoping that marcille will come. she didnt feel lonely when she was with marcille. she felt... special. more seen. she didnt think about how she misses kabru even when hes with her.

but ofc kabru is seeking her out bc he just really fucked up with laios.

she tells him, yeah man, super your fault for pressing the bruise after fuckin kissing him and then refusing to talk about it. everybody knows the dude does not want to get married and have heirs why did u like agree with his dads letter that he has a duty to sire children

she really doesnt want to talk to him about this. she wants him to need her like she needs him--she doesnt want to need him like she does. and she doesnt want to help him fall in love with someone else, but its like he doesnt even realize whats happening.

kabru insists the kiss was nothing, and he shouldnt talk about it with laios bc he was just drunk its just... he wants laios' full trust. and its weird, but sometimes he pictures laios as girl and something about that works. but its a weird wishful thinking bc kabru wants to get thru this barrier they have where (kabru feels) laios feels like he cant trust him bc kabru is good liar and laios cant read ppl. like maybe if they shared something that intimate, them both being trans, theyd understand each other completely

rin doesnt really know what to make of any of that. it feels like further rejection. like it just feels obvious to her that no matter what, he loves laios. and that thorny feeling of jealousy is spiraling around her heart. maybe she says something cruel, gives terrible advice bc she feels so hurt that he cant see how sincere her jealousy is, that he cant see how it hurts her to hear him in love with someone else?

im not super sure where to take the scene from there. i know i want it to end with kabru feeling worse about laios and deciding to avoid him, but without him realizing that rin is purposefully pulling away yet. (he'll realize that later, when laios is the one to tell him she and marcille and seeing each other and he didnt even know. and he'll have to address then that hes taken her friendship for granted)

any thoughts on the kinds of things she might say? or might tell him? i feel like theres an obvious solution im just missing

[marmorafarms]

The Hazards of Love Ch 2

Hey guys! Here is the second chapter of my Dungeon Meshi Hanahaki AU! The plan is to update every weekend, but please be gentle with me if I miss an update. I'm pretty damn busy all the time so. I might miss a few. But anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Pairing: Labru (Laios/Kabru)

Chapter rating: Teen+

You can read it below or on ao3!

NOW

It was cruel the way Rin had gone about this. The way she had ripped Laios’ heart out of his chest and cast it away, with her words as her weapon. Laios hadn’t been ready for this attack, hadn’t been ready to hear it. But no amount of preperation would be able to save him from this new reality.

“It’s your fault! Kabru is dying and it’s all your fault!”

Laios lay in his bed, curled in on himself. His eyes were rimmed with red from crying, his chest and abs hurting from the intensity of his sobs. The only one he would allow near him was his younger sister Falin, who was currently sitting next to him, stroking his hair.

“If you weren’t such a failure with your fucking emotions, this wouldn’t have happened! You could’ve actually loved him instead of just admiring him!”

Laios let out a pained noise as that particular sentence repeated in his mind. If he hadn’t been such a failure with his emotions, this wouldn’t have happened. If he could just be someone else, anyone else, Kabru wouldn’t be in the hospital coughing up daffodils. He would be here, his smile lighting up the whole room. He would be here, his brilliant blue eyes sparkling as they looked at each other. Kabru, his best friend, wouldn’t be dying, he’d be here. And…and maybe they’d be wrapped up in each other’s arms, cuddling close. Or maybe doing something else, something that would require a locked door.

The thought made Laios’ stomach flip, a feeling he’d grown used to when thinking about Kabru. He was definitely attracted to Kabru, but that wasn’t the problem. The problem lay in deeper feelings. Feelings of love.

“Falin?” Laios said tentatively, and his sister’s hand paused, fingers still tangled in his hair.

“Yes Laios?” she said softly.

“Do you think…if I could fall in love with him…Kabru would live?” “Oh Laios,” Falin said sadly, “You can’t control who you fall in love with. Lust is simple, lust, attraction, can happen with anyone. But love? True love? That can’t be forced. If you don’t love him, you don’t love him. That’s not your fault.”

“But why don’t I love him?” Laios said, tears stinging at the corners of his eyes. “I feel sad, I feel like dying…doesn’t that mean I love him?”

“As a friend,” Falin said, removing her hand from his head. “You’d be crying if it was Marcille, or Chilchuck, or Senshi, right? You love Kabru as a friend. You have to love him romantically in order for this to go away.”

“I have to figure it out,” Laios said. “I have to figure out how to be in love with him. He can’t die! Falin, he can’t.”

Falin let out a deep sigh. “Laios…”

“I won’t let him!” Laios said firmly, furrowing his brow. “He won’t die! I’ll fall in love with him not matter what it takes!”

“Laios, that’s not possible,” Falin said. Laios sat up at lighting speed, looking at her with fire in his eyes, a passionate determination.

“Maybe nobody else has done it before, but that was true with other things! Light bulbs didn’t exist until someone made it happen! So maybe nobody has done this, but I could be the first! I could be the one to make it happen!” Laios said wildly. Falin looked at him with a mixture of sadness and sympathy.

“Alright,” she said gently. “If you think you can, I’ll support you.”

Laios nodded at her words. “Thank you,” he said as he lay back down, though he knew that she didn’t really believe it. She didn’t really think he could do it. And that was fine. Nobody ever truly believed in him did they? At least not at first. But he always managed to prove them wrong. And by God he was going to do it again. He was going to fall in love with Kabru. He’d be his knight in shining armor. If Laios lost him, he’d lose himself too. That he knew for certain.

THEN

Laios was proving to be the single most frustrating man that Kabru had met in his entire life. He had decided to listen to Daya and try to make friends with Laios. But for whatever reason, Laios was ignoring him. Straight up ignoring him! Kabru had tried approaching him several times, but Laios would either not look at him, or would start talking to someone else. What the hell was wrong with this guy? Just as he was about to give up completely and resign himself to hating him even more, the weirdest thing happened.

Laios approached him.

Well, sort of. Kabru had been nose deep in his phone, walking across campus, and wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings. Right as he was crossing the street, he felt a hand on his shoulder, jerking him backwards.

Kabru let out an undignified yelp, and turned to look at whoever had dared lay hands on him. To his shock, and slight horror, Laios stood there, a mixture of concern and frustration on his face.

“What’s your problem?” Kabru snapped, completely forgetting that he was supposed to be making friends with this man. “Why did you grab me?”

“You can’t just walk into traffic!” the tall blond said. “There was a car! It almost hit you!”

Kabru blinked in surprise. “Oh,” he said lamely, unsure what else to say.

“Yeah,” Laios said. “Try to be more careful next time.”

“Okay,” Kabru said, but for some reason, Laios didn’t turn to go. Instead, he stood there, looking Kabru up and down.

“What?” Kabru said, feeling his face flush. He wasn’t used to being…examined. This wasn’t a lustful gaze, no. This was a man looking at him with genuine curiosity, and Kabru wasn’t sure how he felt about it.

“You’re short,” Laios finally said.

“Excuse me?!” Kabru said, shocked. What the hell?

“Your height made me realize I’ve seen you before,” Laios said. “Do you take creative writing? The 8 am class with Professor Damacles?”

“Yeah,” Kabru said slowly. Laios smiled.

“I thought so! I remembered seeing you and thinking you were sort of short.”

“I’m not…! I…! Maybe you’re just tall!” Kabru burst out.

“How tall are you?” Laios said, and Kabru wanted to hit him. Why were they stuck on this? Why was he so fixated on his height?

“I’m 5’7, happy?”

“That’s short,” Laios said, and Kabru glared at him.

“Can we move on?” he said angrily, and Laios cocked his head.

“Did I upset you?” he asked, sounding very confused.

“I just don’t like being called short,” Kabru mumbled.

“Oh. I’m sorry,” Laios said, and Kabru was surprised at how genuine Laios sounded. He sounded like he really meant it, and even looked deeply sorry. “I…I do that a lot. Make people upset. On accident. I don’t know why, I just do.”

“It’s fine,” Kabru said. “Just…next time we talk, don’t bring it up.”

Laios brightened. “Next time?” he said. “You want to hang out?”

Kabru colored, suddenly realizing what he’d implied. Well, he couldn’t back out now, especially since he’d told Daya he would make an attempt at friendship.

“Yeah, I guess so,” Kabru said with a gulp. “Do you want my number?”

Laios looked thrilled, and as they exchanged numbers, Kabru couldn’t help but feel flustered. This didn’t feel like giving a friend his number. This felt like giving someone he would want to go on a date with his number. And that got him thinking. Would he want to go on a date with Laios?

Sure, Laios was a bit awkward, but there was something about him. Kabru thought back to their high school days, and remembered how drawn he had been towards Laios. There had always just been something about him, and Kabru couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

But what he did know was that he wanted to learn more. Maybe it was friendship, but maybe it was more. Kabru stole a glance at Laios, and swallowed thickly. His smile was beautiful, and his eyes were a soft amber, reminding him of caramel. Oh god, he wasn’t really doing this was he? Getting lost in somebody’s eyes? Kabru shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts.

There was also the matter of whether or not Laios was interested in men. Kabru had an unfortunate habit of getting crushes on straight guys, to the point where he was teased about it. This was probably one of those situations. Laios was most likely a straight guy who just wanted to be friends. That was it, that was all. He should squash these feelings before they grew into something more.

When the two bade each other goodbye, Kabru couldn’t help but open up his phone every now and then, wondering if he should send a text. But what would he even say? Ugh, how had this happened? How had he swung from unadulterated loathing to heart eyes in the span of three seconds?

It was night time when Kabru got the text. Toothbrush still in his mouth, Kabru grabbed his phone, and looked at the message.

This might be too soon But I have tickets to a concert and the person I was going with bailed. Wanna come?

Kabru stared at the three messages sent in quick succession. Laios had other friends, he had seen them before. Why was he inviting Kabru of all people instead of one of them? It didn’t make any sense to him. He quickly tapped out a response.

Who are the tickets for?

Kabru finished up brushing his teeth, and pulled on some pajamas before checking his phone again.

Ghost. They’re a mixture of hard rock and metal? I’m not usually into that, but their song Square Hammer is pretty good. Thought it might be worth checking out.

Metal? Kabru was thrown, but looked up the song. It actually was pretty good. And a free concert? Usually people made him pay for the tickets if they had them. This was a pretty good deal.

Yeah, sounds good! What time?

The two hammered out the details, and Kabru went to bed, heart pounding. No. NO! He couldn’t be having feelings for Laios! He shouldn’t be nervous about being alone with Laios for their first get together! It’s not like it was a date. They were just hanging out. This was ridiculous, they were just two dudes being bros. But at the same time, it was exciting. Kabru had been so wrapped up in his studies that he’d barely had time to do anything, not even with Rin and Daya.

And speaking of them, he should tell them about today. He knew Daya would be supportive, but Rin? He knew Rin would be upset. Kabru had suspected for a while that Rin had feelings for him, but he wasn’t sure. It would explain why she was upset when Daya implied that he was interested in Laios. Hopefully she wouldn’t be too upset that he was going to a concert with Laios the day after meeting him. Maybe she’d be supportive!

You’re going on a date with him?! No fucking way! Not him!

Or maybe not.

It’s not a date! We’re just going to a concert. We’re not even friends yet.

Kabru continued to attempt to convince Rin that this wasn’t a date, but she didn’t seem impressed with the situation. What could he do to make her happy? He needed to smooth things over somehow.

You barely hang out with me Kabru! Why are you suddenly going to a concert with some guy who you hated five minutes ago?

Ah. So that was it.

Well let’s plan something! Just the two of us.

Rin didn’t reply, and Kabru suddenly had a bad feeling in his gut. He hoped to God she didn’t think he was asking her on a date. Maybe he should clear things up? Yeah, he’d clear things up in the morning. It would be fine. Everything was going to be just fine.

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #labru #laios #kabru #laios x kabru #dungeon meshi fic #ao3 fanfic #hanahaki disease

[u3pxx]

i have news that you didnt hear while you were focused on getting the bad omens out of your head. it is both good and sad. according to my local time, the unoffical translation of dungoun meshi's last chapter has been out for three days. it hurts, but i am looking forward to your reaction. let's look forward to the extras.

ASKSKS the phrasing of that first sentence made me giggle. but also do not fret anon! i read and live-tweeted the finale once it came out and GOOD LORTTTTTT T_T oh i'm gonna miss these nerds smm </3

i was like, fine with either possible endings; with the gang being successful in reviving falin without her monster parts or not being able to and falin remaining dead bc i trust the author enough to like, give both potential endings satisfying conclusions, she's just that good!

but the way it ended made my heart ache bc it's like ... oh of course! of course!!! it's like saying goodbye to an old friend you'll never/rarely see ever again ... it was a lovely thing to look forward to every month and i am very excited for the extras as well! :^]

i need to see chilchuck reunite with his family or i'm blowing everything up

also laios being cursed with monsters never going near him/terrified of him is SO FUNNY AND CRUEL TO THE GUY ADFGHDJ LIKE YEA, FALIN'S ALIVE BUT MAN HE'S BEING DEPRIVED OF HIS NO. 1 AUTISTIC INTEREST. WINGED LION WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN IT'S ON SIGHT

#sunnysideanswers #anonymous

[eve-of-the-machine]

1, 31, 34, and 13 cause u better be eating young lady! Otherwise this big bad wolf is gonna get ya~💖

-B

//oops!! sorry b!! totally forgor about your ask!! i did wat but i stole your chicken strips hehe

//1: who is/are your comfort character(s)? - ive been loving dungeon meshi recently and ive got to say, marcille and falin have been topping the list recently.

//13: when was the last time you ate? - well last night before bed i had some of those churro chips and caramel sauce while doing the last load of laundry so id say that!!

//31: what type of music keeps you grounded? - jungle, dnb, lofi, and game OSTs are probably my absolute go to for grounding myself. whenever i get really bad anxiety before going to a rehearsal or work or something is to listen to this album to kinda refocus myself

//34: is there a song you know every word to by heart? - not to sound like the worlds most cringefail girl but if someone puts on Sports or You're Gonna Miss It All by Modern Baseball i can probably go line for line through every song. Holy Ghost is like a 50/50 chance at me getting it right. to answer the question specifically id say Re-Do/Re-Done or Tears Over Beers off of Sports.

#eve-posting #ask meme #send me asks #nsft #asks answered

[starlight-time-machine]

Week in Review

04/21/2024 – 04/27/2024

Sunday

Week 11 of missing Cipher Academy

Girl Meets Rock good. Seems like the dynamics of the social web are about to shift again, with a rift growing between Takami and Ayame…

Undead Unluck super good…Feng getting stronger is a little scary, because if he ever manages to defeat Fuuko I fear that he’ll want to destroy everything in his pursuit of strength again…but also I want to believe in the connections he’s built with others in this loop…Ichico turning the previous loop’s tragedy on its head to change Nico’s version of Unforgettable is an amazing moment, though I can’t help but feel really sad for Nico regardless…Unforgettable is such a mind crushing ability even without the wife death thing, and I guess the implication here is that he held onto his sanity because of Ichico’s confession but I hope there’s some way for him to better cope with things in this loop…I’ve been really enjoying the fun and cheerful Nico we’ve been seeing so far, and I’d hate for him to just immediately revert back to his crotchety old man self from the last loop.

Monday

Touched some grass and ate some pizza

Tuesday

It’s time to get through some of these library books, the first being The Diamond Girls by Jacqueline Wilson. It’s one that I distinctly remember reading as a kid, and I think I still quite like it, reading today. It’s definitely my favourite of the three Wilson books I’ve read so far – I like the utter and overwhelming chaos that the story immediately throws us into, and even when it gives us some room for respite with the Mary segments, the nature of her living situation is so terrifying that it’s honestly like a horror movie. Dixie’s voice as a narrator is strong and distinct, and I like that you can still tell that she’s a dreamy little kid being put into these stressful situations. Some of the characterization got a little bit tiring, but I did appreciate Wilson subverting some of it by the end, like with Ryan turning out to be a decent-ish guy (still way too old for Rochelle though) and Jude actually becoming friends with the boys. Bruce was a nice character with a heart of gold, but I thought he got a little too attached to the Diamonds a little too quickly…although I guess if I were in his situation I wouldn’t want to turn a blind eye to them either. But immediately proclaiming that you’d like to be some kid’s uncle and stay in her life even though she’s just the estranged daughter of one of your clients is a little weird… Things got wrapped up a little too quickly too, by the end, but I think that’s Wilson’s trademark – just 95% stress and drama before a perfect happy ending, and I can’t really fault her for that.

Ummm Manga Tuesday I guess, which is just in time for the new Chainsaw Man chapter. As usual, I have no thoughts on it – I feel like I won’t be able to tell what’s going on in Part 2 until it ends and I can reread the whole thing from start to finish. Structurally I think I like Part 1 a lot more…

Dandadan good.

Took a break to watch the latest Game Changer episode while I ate lunch and wow I loved the chaos and the way it somehow accurately simulated people going insane in a time loop. All the bribery was fun, as was the contestants starting to say the scripted lines as they were being said by the other presenters. I also love how this continues to spur on the conspiracy theories that the fandom is cooking, and I really do hope there’s some multi-episode foreshadowed twist by the end.

Magilumiere good! Everything’s really coming together now.

One Piece good…I’m nervous for what’s to come.

Wednesday

Ah

Thursday

Very good episode of DunMesh today (with a side of meatballs). Loved all the action, especially with how brutal it could get due to the rules of the dungeon. Kabru doing all his little machinations in his mind was fun, as was him getting the sneak attack on Falin. The Laios and Shuro confrontation was also interesting and revealing of character, but I feel like everything about DunMesh’s writing has been talked to death already so I don’t want to just repeat what I’ve seen on Twitter. My general DunMesh thoughts are just that Ryoko Kui obviously has the writing chops to construct an absolutely original and airtight story, and it’s just fun to be a part of the ride.

Friday

I’ve been in the mood for some TV, and also wanted to pare down my watchlist a little, so I decided to check out Sharp Objects. I’ve heard good things about it and I like small town mystery stories, so I thought I’d like this one too…but the first episode just annoyed me so much that I dropped it right away and read the series synopsis on Wikipedia lmao. Everything about it was just so…screenwriting 101? In the sense that it was like they were checking off bullet points from a How to Write a Screenplay textbook; the tortured protagonist with substance abuse issues returning to their hometown to literally and figuratively confront their past is already well-trod ground as it is, but then every line of dialogue was so basic and boring and acted with all the enthusiasm of a mannequin going through the motions. At first I was wondering if the stock dialogue was some sort of tool being employed by the writers, like a metatextual façade being purposely put up for the sake of the mystery, but no it’s just how it is and I hate it. And judging by the Wikipedia summary that I read, I definitely would’ve hated watching the story progress and the ending, so I’m glad I can just write this one off.

The next show I tried was This is a Robbery, that Netflix documentary about the Gardner Museum art heist. I only got through half of it today, and it’s pretty…standard, I would say. You’ve got the dramatic graphic design and the million interviews and the goofy ass re-enactments of what happened (I know why documentaries do them but it doesn’t stop them from being silly as hell) – just the basic Netflix hyperproduced documentary flair with a dash of being high on its own supply in terms of drama. I thought I would like this documentary because I somewhat enjoy true crime but not the intrusive “accidentally ruin people’s lives due to media attention” kind, so an art heist felt like a nice middle ground between being interesting but still somewhat low stakes…but so far, it’s been pretty slow-moving and meandering and I wish they’d get to the point already.

Saturday

LMAO okay so the reason why This is a Robbery was so meandering and chasing all these dead ends was because there’s no real ending to this story, and I’m so mad that I wasted four hours of my life on this stupid shit. I guess I should’ve looked it up beforehand but I didn’t want to be spoiled…I kind of assumed that if they were making a whole documentary about it, there was going to be an interesting story or narrative to be told…but no, it was just an overproduced publicity stunt to get more attention on the case… They spent so much time interviewing all these people (LITERALLY WHAT WAS THE POINT OF GETTING A WHOLE EX-IRA GUY JUST TO SAY A FEW LINES AND “YEAH IT WASN’T US” BRO ALLOCATE YOUR RESOURCES BETTER PLEASE) and going into the granular details of the case and possible theories about the suspects and their whole organized crime web and I thought it was all going to tie together somehow or be in service of some grand narrative but no!!! This documentary has zero storytelling weight and really shouldn’t have come into existence. All it did was highlight how dogshit the FBI and the police really are. I just wanted some answers and to see how the heist was actually carried out, but I guess real life is rarely as interesting and narratively satisfying as Ocean’s Eleven. I’m giving this thing a 1/10 for annoying me so much and wasting my goddamn time.

Agh…most of the TV shows I’ve watched recently have been duds… This isn’t helping my irrational fear that I won’t find anything that’ll reach Succession’s heights ever again… Granted, I only finished This is a Robbery because I thought there’d be some sort of payoff by the end, but I need to be more discerning with which recommendations I should actually follow through on in the future.

#week in review #2024

[fumikomiyasaki]

“A lover out of this world” for any of our pairings :)

Become as gods

With a sigh the goddess of Luck frowned up that huge line forming in front of her temple... to not strain her own powers to much she had to send away one after the other about unecessary small wishes and felt strained just walking around... sitting down eventually looking at the empty box of sweets next to her... looking at her guardian, Tiam.

"People nowadays sadly don't have these hopefull wishes anymore I hoped they would have... all is the hope for being rich or selfishness in own interest..."

As the door opened again a green haired girl walked in... far less nervous than many others who came here to face the godess of Luck and approaching her more like a friend than an authority figure.

"Sup Miss Luck, do you have maybe an actual name I can use better?"

"You really ask a godess her real name?"

"I don't know how the rules are but I do want to get to know you actually before I ask of anything."

A warm smile appeared on Komes face as she looked down to her.

"It is Kome... how about you, dear?"

"Camilla... its an honor to meetcha Kome. Must be a tough crowd you get in here... some of those wishes do not sound well."

"You are correct... I have a reason I only grant those wishes I feel would do good for others... so what is your wish my dear."

She smiled warm at the mortal but phased into surprised as Camilla spoke up.

"I want luck for a friend... their dream was to have this job and the college exam only chooses randomly so I want to help them..."

"You won't use your wish for yourself?"

"I am happy as I am... why should I not use it for them?"

Something about this answer warmed her heart as she gave a firm nod.

"Your wish will be granted... As selfless as you are you deserved it."

With a smile she got up and hugged the godess who turned red slightly before looking back at her... as soon as Camilla left Tiam spoke up.

"C-could it be that you-"

"Don't worry about it but.... I wish half of these followers were this gratefull and energetic."

She sat down again a little in thoughts but at least her mood was better.

Many feared the Lower god guarding the star of wishes... rumored to be a cold blooded Soldier who will take out anyone who fails his trail.... yet what many didn't know was how much he disdained his own task...being puppeteered to bring hurt... not being able to see the light outside of this cave again... his eyes teared up leaving a black trail all over his face... he slumped on the ground holding his blade and canon as suddenly he heard another step into this cave.... this time neither a warrior nor a selfish soul... it was just a pretty girl, dusting off her dress as she walked into seeing him on the ground.

"Oh no.... what happened to you. Did you got attacked?"

"You really... don't knowwhere you are right?"

"No... I got lost on my way here... my Name is Faline, what about you?"

"My name... I... forgot it a while ago... but they call me the god of the lost star..."

"A god?"

She kneeled down before him politely and checked his face, whiping a bit of the black tears off with a tissue.

"You are different."

"What do you mean?"

"Usually when somebody comes in here... something takes control of me and makes me fight anyone out of this cave but... this force hasn't reacted yet... maybe it senses your intentions are pure."

"Or it knows I don't know where I am..."

"Don't you have a wish?"

She smiled kindly at him and stroked his face with the tissue before removing it.

"Is there a way to get you out of here?"

"You don't even know me.... and you care about that."

"Either way you look like you been through a lot of pain... and being controlled by something is not a great life so... could I use the wish to ease your pain?"

He suddenly opened his blue eyes, tearing up again looking at her.

"To think I'd life long enough.... to find this...."

She looked around his body just to find an engraving on his sword.

"Kuze... is that your name?"

He looked at it a little worried but gave her a nod.

"I lost most of my memory but if you want to call me that I would be gratefull... I ... want to be more than just a sword... a killing machine..."

She took his hand and helped him up.

"Then... lets use this wish to make your life better, Kuze."

Its been for the first time he ever felt Human touch... something warm... something comfortable... he wanted to cherish it... rather the wish would work or not.

#twisted wonderland oc #twst oc #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland ocs #twst #disney twst #twst ocs #twistedwonderland #twistedwonderlandoc

[piduai]

(long ask, sorry! i just. need to talk to Someone about dungeon meshi yeehaw. tbh im not on anon bc i just went thru your dm tag so uh. not subtle lol) heyyyy, i've seen you rb dungeon meshi stuff and due to Circumstances decided to start it finally and. omfg. omg. how do i recover from this. it's so good??? Anyways. i feel like you have some really interesting takes so i was wondering if i could ask you abt what you think of the series?? like. idk it's so good?? you start and it's fun but then it just keeps building and building and then poof you now have a wonderfully crafted story and it's seamless and amazing??? also the designs. i LOVE the designs. tade is so agdjwgdhw and falin and marcille and namari and- anyways women <3. but yeah all the designs are so good, and the characters.... at first i was like. ok. abt laius but now i love him and just. wow ryoko kui is so skilled. manga so good it makes me forget abt the horrors even if there are horrors in it too lmao. anyways, i'm really excited to see how this story is gonna end!!!! and then ill make time to reread it slower too..... but yeah, i'd be happy to hear abt your thoughts on the series!!!

dungeon meshi is very nice :) i think it's as basic as it can get in terms of plot/writing but it excels in other categories. it's just pleasant to read, pleasant to look at, misses the rough around the edges feel a lot of obscure manga have (not that it's obscure lol it got awards and stuff. but it's taken a while to get an anime project) but doesn't feel forced & fabricated either, it's a rather intricate work, like a beautifully crocheted shawl done in vibrant shades... it strikes a good balance between feel-good and eerie. what i personally like the most is how you can see that the author is a very artsy person through her additional sketches, it's someone passionate about her craft who has depth of perception but also knows how to appeal to a wider audience without losing authenticity. i like how her sketches are individualistic and at times unsettling, but the manga itself has a very neat, rounded up, tidy style. another thing i like about the manga is just how diverse the character designs are, not in a "races have distinct designs" way, but that there's a wide variety of physiques, body types, skin colors, and it just does not feel forced or tokenized at all. it's just nice to see something different for a change! and like, i'm a person who really dislikes the setting itself (dungeons & dragons lol. and i don't like anthro stuff and human/animal hybrids either) but it's still easy to enjoy it even for someone like me. and it's rather funny! it has an up-beat optimistic tone overall, light-hearted, the comedy is always timed and delivered well. it's like a more nerdy less plot-heavy fma, comparison to which is always a huge compliment in my book. and yes, the characters are very lovable. marcille is the poster girl for classic main female character, it feels like they even stopped making those lol. everyone is just so different from each other and all have unique personalities explained by their circumstances, even rather episodic characters, and with that you can feel the tremendous care that went into creating them. as i said i don't consider it anything worth writing home about in terms of plot/character writing (it DOES have a video game setting after all...) and frankly in the beginning it was a bit boring but with time it becomes really fluid. "pleasant" is the perfect word for it, it's a good manga

[vulturhythm]

💙👢⚔️

Wild Blue Yonder - do you flirt or do you blush?

Blush. Absolutely blush. I get flustered very easily, assuming I don’t miss flirtation entirely.

Welly Boots - do you have any lucky charms or keepsakes?

I do, in fact! Several. My dearest is a Bambi plush (named Faline) from my father. I also have a little charm of an angel inside a smooth, clear stone, also from my father. I have a tiny little heart pendant on my keyring from my grandmother. I have a fake red rose from my best friend.

Battle Cries - favorite lyrics sung by Joey and Madeleine together?

Ooh… fuck.

“Sing me awake with a song about pirates”

“Remember me, I ask; remember me, I sing / give me back my heart, you wingless thing”

“Hold me, lover, like you used to / so tight I’d bruise you, I’d bruise you, too”

“Because farewell wanderlust, you’ve been oh so kind / you brought me through this darkness, but you’ve left me here behind / and so long to the person you begged me to be / he’s down, he’s dead / now take a good long look at what you’ve all done to me”

“‘Cos now I get to meet you for the first time every single day”

“Cause I will suffer silence for the strings you tune / and I’ll withstand what’s written for the writer in you”

“‘Cos if God made us all in his image, then God’s a fucking nerd”

“Go walk into your waves, my loves / tell ‘em all your names / go tell them how we failed you and give to us all your blame / we’ll be all that you hate about yourselves so you can grow / ‘cos life begins by leaving and our love is shown in the letting go”

“But we’ll burn a hundred theaters if it means we get the wallpaper right”

“If I don’t come back from where I’ve gone, just know I loved you all along”

#answered asks #asks game #the amazing devil

[lovingmyselfcore]

this is me trying in 3 acts

This is the longest fic I’ve ever written and published! This has been huge in my brain and now that it’s done I’m really proud of it :)

Act 1 is Asterin after her baby. Act 2 is Morrigan in Hewn City. Act 3 is both in mismatched scenes as they heal etc.

And shoutout to @the-love-yourself-journal who I very randomly updated on wordcounts and everything when I’ve been writing this

Act I; Asterin Blackbeak

I've been having a hard time adjusting

I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting

"You slept with a human man, you whore," She spat, "And you couldn't even give birth correctly."

"What?" The world around Asterin was hazy, and all she could feel was the relief of having her child out of her, but also fear for that same reason.

"You are pathetic,"

"What happened to my baby?" 

"He was dead once he was born." A small witch Asterin didn't know murmured to her. Asterin felt her heart shatter.

"No, no, it cannot be true," She could barely get her words out, she choked over her sobs and words, like the pieces of her heart had lodged in her lungs. 

If it was even possible, the world went even darker and hazier.

All she remembered after that was the smell of burning flesh and the Matron Blackbeak spitting insults at her, "Whore, filthy, broken, worthless,

Unclean.”

I didn't know if you'd care if I came back

I have a lot of regrets about that

"Asterin," Manon was staring at her with narrowed eyes. "Where did your mind go? I need you sharp."

Asterin apologized, trying her hardest to act like nothing was wrong. They all fell for it, and in a way, she hated them for it. She wanted to scream.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The Thirteen were camped out in a mountain on a mission from Manon's grandmother. They had to rise before dawn, so the other witches had retired early. Asterin, however, laid awake, thoughts and nightmares plaguing all her attempts at rest.

Nobody knew.

Nobody knew.

Nobody knew but Asterin and the Matron. Since what happened that witch that had broken the news was nowhere to be found. The Matron had probably disposed of the loose end.

Asterin pushed herself into an upright sitting position, looking around at the other witches, all asleep.

She had to be careful, they were trained to wake at a disturbance that could be antagonistic, so she had to maneuver carefully, taking her broom with her.

Pulled the car off the road to the lookout

Could've followed my fears all the way down

She wasn't sure how long she flew, but it wasn't very long.

She tossed her broom to the side and jogged up to the cliffside, falling to her knees.

Only a single tear escaped.

She looked over the side. It was quite a distance, meaning if she fell, it would likely be the end for Asterin Blackbeak.

At the bottom, she saw a figure walk out of the woods. Her shoulders tightened until she saw her hunter walking towards her cliff. He cradled a child carefully in his arms. They stopped directly under her. She couldn't hear him, but somehow she knew what he was saying.

"Come on, please. We miss you. We need you."

She leaned over the edge even farther, but she paused.

"Asterin!" She turned to find the source of the yell and saw Manon pushing her way through the crowd. Manon threw her arms around Asterin and buried her face in her neck. "Your grandmother?" Asterin asked softly, patting her cousin's back. 

She felt Manon nod and led the girl into a sitting position on the floor.

She sniffed, smelling alcohol.

"So that's why you're being so physically affectionate," Asterin mumbled to herself, running her hands through Manon's hair.

When Manon's breathing deepened, Asterin lifted her into a nearby cot, knowing that Manon would tell her what happened with her grandmother if she wanted to.

~~~

“Hey, Asterin,” Faline and Fallon were both grinning at her, teeth sharp. Asterin was immediately on edge. The Demon Twins never smiled unless they were about to cause extreme bloodshed.

“Yes?” She asked carefully, never taking her eyes off of them. She had no idea what they were doing and what they had planned.

“Come with us,” Faline said, her voice like a silk noose.

“Why?”

“We noticed you’ve been off lately,” Fallon said, resting her hands on her hips where she knew knives were concealed.

“Have some fun with us!” Faline was at her shoulder now, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.

Fallon was at her other shoulder, “We’re going to take our brooms and some knives,” She produced one, twirling it expertly in her hands before flipping it, handing it hilt-first to Asterin.

“And attack some people!” Faline finished with what sounded like a disturbing giggle.

Asterin took the knife warily and took a deep breath looking at both of them.

This was what they knew, she realized, they didn’t know what was wrong but 

this was their way to fix it and she felt a piece of her heart warm.

“Why not?” Asterin conceded.

The twins had glee in their eyes that Asterin knew would never come out in any form of honest laughter, but she was okay with that. She loved these demonic weirdos.

~~~~~~~~~

Ghislaine was sitting in a small corner of the room. The fireplace was crackling next to her and she sat on the floor like it was a throne. Her back was straight, her feet tucked under her as she balanced a book precariously on her lap while she took a sip from a mug.

“Is that tea?” Asterin asked, knowing full well it wasn’t.

Ghislaine just grinned, her lips too red to be simple paint.

“Who’s?” She asked, keeping an eye on Ghislaine’s book - which looked ready to tumble into the fire.

Ghislaine shrugged, “I did not ask his name.”

Asterin nodded and the pair lapsed into silence. Ghislaine was just about to continue reading when Asterin broke the stillness.

“This is going to sound,” She hesitated. “Childish, perhaps. But, will you read me a story?”

Ghislaine stared at her, only showing a single flash of surprise. “Why?”

“It’s too quiet,” Asterin mumbled, gesturing to the window. The night was still and quiet, the hum of insects and birds had ended hours ago. Normally, Asterin fell asleep next to her window, comforted by the sounds of a never-ending storm, but not tonight. “I can’t fall asleep.”

Ghislaine was silent for long enough for a flush of humiliation to spread across Asterin’s cheeks, but finally, she gestured to the small cot in the corner of her room.

Asterin laid down wearily, but already her mind had begun settling.

Ghislaine gently brushed her hair back in an uncommon motherly gesture.

She curled up on the floor by Asterin and started reading her book. It was nothing Asterin understood but she had soon been soothed enough that her eyes grew too heavy to ignore.

Somehow, she knew Ghislaine would never share what happened that night unless Asterin allowed it. 

Never.

~~~~~ 

Vesta was the witch Asterin was closest to, aside from Manon. They loved to wreak havoc together.

She would always match Asterin’s energy. If Asterin was quieter, more tired then they wouldn’t go out for as long as they normally would, if Vesta requested they go out at all.

If Asterin was ever hesitant, Vesta would never force her to do anything or question why she was hesitant.

On the other end of the spectrum, if Asterin was aggressive. If she wanted blood instead of harmless pranks on the coven, Vesta would oblige her and they would hunt down any man hurting anyone. And then they would rip him apart.

She wouldn’t question when Asterin flinched at the sight of a mother and her child, and then that would lead to a particularly bloody evening for them.

~~~~ 

Briar and Edda never talked to her but on days they suspected she wasn’t well they wouldn’t leap out at her in the way they would with everyone else. The two of them, witches who took their pleasure in scaring the others, would back off 

Asterin if they observed her and felt that they should.

They would distract the others while Asterin snuck off to fly and cool down, or when Asterin’s breathing became irregular and she needed the attention taken away from her.

They’d never mention when she woke suddenly in the night and escaped through the shadows when they were on watch.

They never brought it up, and she loved them all the more for it.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Imogen and Linnea were never as close with Asterin but, same as the others they never questioned her on her weird behavior. They would often back her up in her constant struggle against Matron Blackbeak.

If they were at an encampment and either of them were on watch they would allow Asterin to take off into the night on her broom.

None of them would question her if they assumed it would make her uncomfortable. They helped her if they could, all of them.

She didn’t deserve their loyalty. Their love.

She didn’t deserve them.

~~~~~~~~~~

"Those women don't even know what your grandmother's done to you," She 

heard her hunter's voice in her head again.

She looked down at them and let out a dry sob, "I'm sorry my loves but I'll join you eventually. Manon and the thirteen need me now." 

She could almost see her hunter’s face. His broken expression, his mouth tight as if to stop himself from asking her one final time to join them. If it was really him, which Asterin doubted. She knew he understood. He didn’t like it. 

But he understood she had to leave. She would see them again, someday.

Her voice was heavy and she was just tempted to leap off the cliff and not give it a second thought, but her coven's faces just kept appearing in front of her.

So, with heavy limbs and tears streaking down her face, she left her hunter and child once again.

~~~~~~~~~

And maybe I don't quite know what to say

But I'm here in your doorway

She jumped off her broom before her feet touched the ground, it was already dawn and she saw the thirteen spread out across the mountain, but not too far, apparently searching for her.

Vesta saw her first, relief apparent on her face, and she called out to the others.

Asterin clapped Vesta's hand and pulled each other close until they were touching foreheads. The rest of the thirteen did this with Asterin too, aside from Manon, who was standing with her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"Where were you." Her voice was gruff.

Asterin bowed her head, "I apologize,"

Although it wasn't an explanation Manon apparently thought it was good enough because she surged forward, pulling Asterin into an uncommon hug.

"Whatever you did, I hope you're okay now," Manon whispered.

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

Asterin's heart was still fractured, but she hoped that slowly she could heal, maybe not completely. Never completely. But enough.

Asterin pulled away, slinging one arm across Manon's shoulder, the other over Vesta. The others followed suit.

"We are the Thirteen, from now until the Darkness claims us," Asterin said, the echoes of the others not far behind.

She'd lost a family. But she wouldn't forget the one she still had.

I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying

Act II; Morrigan

They told me all of my cages were mental

"I just want you to be happy, sweetheart!"

"No! No, you don't! You want me to get married and have children and never do anything other than care for my kids! I want to be someone!"

"You have so much potential!"

"Yes, I do. I could be a legendary warrior, I could live my life the way I want to. But all you want is for me to rear children."

“I know you know that I am more powerful than anybody in this family.” Mor snarled at her mother. “I know it.”

Her mother raised her chin, her eyes going hard. A stark contrast to the previous desperate passion.

“You’re still a virgin. And you’re so powerful. It’s going to be very valuable for this family when your father and I find you a powerful suitor.”

Mor went silent, her mouth slightly gaped. “No. No. NO!”

Her mother didn’t flinch, in fact, she rolled her eyes. “Sit down, Morrigan. This is your duty.” When Mor didn’t sit her mother put her hands on her shoulders, digging her nails in enough to draw blood, and forced her to sit at the vanity. 

Her mother grabbed her brush and roughly pulled through Mor’s hair. “You will make us proud, Morrigan. You will not be a disgrace.”

So I got wasted like all my potential

Mor knew she needed to get out but she couldn't. She couldn't and she hated it. She hated herself. She hated her father. She hated her mother. She hated the damn Court of Nightmares. 

She curled into herself on her bed, fighting tears. They all wanted so much from her. So much that she couldn't give them. She couldn't wear the dresses she wanted, lest she tempts any of the men that aren't her husband. 

Her breath came out in short gasps. She needed to be numb. She couldn’t do this alone.

She hunched over and let herself become smoke and shadow.

There was a party going on in the main room, everyone was drunk or high or otherwise distracted. 

Mor allowed herself a small smile as she swiped a bottle of some of the strongest liquor she knew her father had. She winnowed back to her room and allowed herself a one-woman party, stripping down to her underwear. Destroying everything she could get away with, slamming her fists into the mirror. Tearing apart the dresses her mother forced her to wear. Throwing things against the wall hard enough they broke.

Needless to say, she downed the bottle quickly.

And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad

I have a lot of regrets about that

“It’s your seventeenth birthday,” Her mother said, brushing her hair into an intricate style. Her mother wasn’t looking at her but Mor was staring at her in the mirror. “Is there anything you want to do to celebrate?”

“No.” She said, her voice stiff and shoulders tense.

Her mother sighed and a flash of pain crossed her face before setting down the brush.

“Well. I’ll see you for dinner then.”

Mor nodded.

The night of her seventeenth birthday was the same as her other nights. 

Sneak a bottle, strip down, destroy everything possible. Nothing different, the same mind-numbing act that made her believe, for only a short time, that she had some kind of control over life.

Only when she would wake up, would she remember she didn’t.

A few days later she jolted awake in her bed, sharp pains in her lower abdomen. She launched herself off the bed to see a small puddle of blood where she’d been laying.

A single trickle of blood made its way out from beneath her nightgown and down her leg, hitting the floor with deafening clarity.

“Oh, mother save me,” She whispered.

Suddenly the mountain seemed to shake, Mor lunged for her bed, gripping the frame as terrible convulsions wracked through her body. The world flashed white then went still as if nothing had happened, but Mor knew the truth.

Her true power had been awakened with such intensity the mountain shook.

The realization of what this all meant washed over her like cold water, dispiriting the excitement of holding such intense power.

“Oh, cauldron.” Tears streaked across her face. “I’ve bled.”

She sunk to her knees and buried her face in her hands. “I can get pregnant.”

I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere

Fell behind all my classmates and I ended up here

She stared at her hands. They were starting to tremble. She could see the tips of her fingers shaking.

“Eris Vanserra, he’s the oldest son of the Autumn Court. He’s going to be a wonderful investment for this family. Just like you will be for him.”

The rest of her fingers.

“You’re so powerful, Morrigan. And you are pure. You will be the perfect wife. Especially if before we hand you over that attitude of yours is fixed.”

Her palms and wrists.

“How long?” She heard herself ask. She was seated at the table, her food uneaten in front of her. Her hands rested in her lap. Modest as ever dress. 

Hair styled exactly like her mother always styled it.

It started as a normal dinner until her father had told her they’d found a man with the highest price to offer for her.

It had been done. She’d been sold.

“Soon, Morrigan, soon.”

She couldn’t look at him. She couldn’t. Mother above.

Eris Vanserra!

Mother above.

Her breathing came out in choked gasps, her chest was tight.

“With a few extra lessons,” Her mother said, imperious to her plight. “I can make into the perfect wife.”

“Do you know how many kids the lady of autumn had?” Mor asked softly. Her parents didn’t respond. Good. It was rhetorical. “Too many.”

“Too many,” She whispered to herself, rocking back and forth in her stiff, stone chair.

“You’re always so concerned about the children.” Her father spat. “It’s an honor to bear a High Lord’s child.”

“He might not even become High Lord.” Mor spat back.

Her father shoved away from the table and strode over to where she was. She braced herself seconds before his hand collided with her cheek.

He didn’t say anything else to her, just stood there, breathing heavily.

“Start those extra lessons immediately.” He snarled at her mother.

“Of course,” She said quietly.

Mor looked back at her hands.

Pourin' out my heart to a stranger

But I didn't pour the whiskey

“Mor?” Her cousin knocked on her bedroom door.

She threw it open and leaped into her arms. He gripped the doorframe to not fall over, wrapping his arms around her. 

“Are you ready to go?” He asked softly.

She made an affirmative noise. She pulled away just enough to grab a bag with all she needed while they were in the mountains.

He wrapped an arm around her again and winnowed to the mountains.

“Thank you,” She whispered to the smoke. She didn’t think he would hear her but his arm tightened around her.

~~~

“Cass, Mor,”

Mor looked up at her cousin, her aunt, and Azriel next to him.

“It’s time for us to leave. Watch her, alright?” Rhys said to Cass, his face full of mock-seriousness.

Her aunt wrapped her arms around her and Mor felt herself melt. Rhys’ mom had always been more of a mother to Mor than her own was.

“You be careful.” Her aunt pulled away and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

The full meaning of that statement wasn’t lost on Mor.

“I’m trying my best,” She murmured back. Her aunt brought her in for another hug.

“I know, sweetheart. I know. You’re so strong. Keep fighting, okay? Always keep fighting.”

Rhys hugged her next and kissed the top of her head. “See you later, oh cousin of mine.” Mor laughed.

Azriel didn’t hug her, but he nodded in her direction and she smiled back. “All three of you come back alive, okay?”

When they were gone, Cass sat back down. “So,”

Mor sat next to him and raised her eyebrows. “What do you do for fun around here?”

A few hours later they were both sprawled haphazardly on the couch. He’d suggested they drink but she’d turned him down. Somewhere in her mind she already knew where this was going to end.

Mor was ranting to him about her problems with Eris, her father, her mother, and the entire court. And, in response, he was talking to her about what had happened to him to lead him to Az and Rhys.

When they had lapsed into silence a thought came up with Mor and she didn’t think it through before she spoke. “What if there was a way for me to escape being married to Eris?”

Cassian looked at her, intrigued.

“The only thing he wants-they want-that I have control over is my virginity.”

Understanding started to dawn in his eyes, “Morrigan, I’m not sure if-”

“Please, Cassian. Please.” Her voice was desperate now.

He looked at her. “You are just going to find someone else if I say no, aren’t you.”

She didn’t respond and he sighed.

“Well?” She asked finally.

“Come here.” He responded and she smiled, moving across the couch until she was on his lap. 

He took her face in his hands, keeping her a distance from his face. “You’re completely sure about this.”

“Neither of us are drunk, Cassian. I’m completely clear-headed.”

That was all she needed to say.

I just wanted you to know

“Do you know what this is going to do, Cassian? Did you even think before jumping into my cousin’s pants?”

“It was completely consensual on both sides.” He said carefully.

“So? This is going to destroy her! This decision will cause much political scandal!”

“That’s all you care about? She is being forced into many things she doesn’t want to do, and all you care about is your political chess game.”

Rhys snarled a warning. “I am trying my damned best to help her. I love her.”

“You’ve sure got a bad way of showing it.”

Then all talking stopped and when Mor finally pushed her way out her cousin and Cass were fighting in the snow.

“Guys!” She called but she might as well have been yelling at a brick wall.

They didn’t stop.

For days, they didn’t stop.

They were at ends for so long, Az bouncing between them occasionally in arguments but mostly just looking tired.

“Please,” She whispered. They both looked up at her. “You two are brothers. Come on, I don’t want this to be the reason you two never speak again. Besides, what I do,” She glared at Rhys, “Is none of your business.”

They stared at each other. Rhys was the first to offer an olive branch. Cass grudgingly took it.

They talked animatedly for hours, working out why Rhys was so wound up about this, and very quickly began acting like they hadn’t been fighting at all.

Mor breathed a laugh as she watched them from her perch in the makeshift kitchen. They were brothers, and she was very glad she hadn’t caused the end to that. She knew her cousin needed him and from what she could tell, Cassian needed him just as much, if not more.

Later that evening the four of them (Mor, Cass, Az, and Rhys) were sitting in a circle on the floor, drinking and talking and laughing but a shadow hung over them all, putting a damper on the conversation. Mor had to go back to the Hewn City soon, and none of them were looking forward to it.

~~~~

Later, Mor was sitting on her bed in the cabin, fighting sleep. Falling asleep meant the new day would dawn sooner. Which meant she would have to leave. She was staring out the window, the reflection of the moonlight on the mountains should have taken her breath away but it was dampened by the sight of the tents which held the other Illyrian warriors camped out at this camp.

A gentle knock on her door startled her and she looked over at it with hesitance before remembering it couldn’t be her father.

“Come in,” She called.

Rhys pushed her door open and stared at her. She stared, unflinchingly, right back. He seemed awkward and uncomfortable in the doorway.

“I’m sorry.” He said finally

She didn’t respond but gestured him in.

He sat stiffly on her bed. “I know what you do isn’t my business. I know that. I do.”

She nodded her acknowledgment.

“I worry about you, Mor.” His voice was edging desperately. He wanted her to understand. “I love you and I don’t want to see you hurt.”

“Do you think Cassian will hurt me?”

He hesitated then shook his head, “Cass wouldn’t do that, I know that too. But everyone else might.” He whispered.

“I know, Rhys. But I can’t. I can’t get married and bear children to a man I don’t love. I can’t do that. That’s not who I am!” Her voice was rising above the necessary levels.

“I understand,” He murmured, tucking her into his side. “I do.”

“I love you too,” She whispered finally.

“You are too powerful and beautiful and smart to be contained. I will do anything I can to help you. I promise.”

She started crying and wrapped her arms tighter around him.

“I promise.”

That this is me trying

Mor and Eris were standing in the woods in the Autumn Court. She had her arms crossed over her chest, her braid whipping around behind her wildly.

Somehow Eris had found out about what Mor had done with Cassian, she had a feeling her cousin had reluctantly let it get around.

“I can’t.” Eris shook his head, backing away from her, “You’ve been ruined.” 

Mor fought to keep her face impassive, and if she showed emotion she was miserable but her heartbeat quickened. She was so close. So close to her freedom.

“You’ve been sullied by a bastard-born lesser faerie.” Eris snarled, spitting into the dirt. “We can’t be married.”

Mor watched him carefully, she had no idea what he was going to do.

He shook his head, almost like he couldn’t believe it. “Why?”

Mor knew he wasn’t asking because he cared about their marriage, he only wanted to know why Cassian. Why an Illyrian. Honestly? She had no idea.

She stayed silent, raising her chin.

He rolled his eyes, “Right. Well. I break the union.”

And then he just walked away. He didn’t make sure she got home. Not like she wanted him to watch her winnow away but it was rude anyway.

She made a vulgar gesture at his back before leaving, grinning to herself.

He’d reacted so much better than she thought he would, then he could have reacted.

I just wanted you to know

Her mother hadn’t come to her rooms that morning, it was a serving girl who had helped her dress and was now braiding her hair. She’d known this servant for a long time. She’d grown up in the court, near Morrigan, and had been sent to assist her on many occasions. They weren’t close, necessarily but Mor felt she could talk to the girl.

Today her nimble fingers weaved through her blonde curls, her hands were steady, a stark contrast to her face which was bleached white. Her eyes were tracing the room as if she was scared something-or someone- would jump out and attack her. 

“Should I be afraid?” Her voice broke the brittle silence.

The girl- Aine- didn’t stop her braiding but her lips moved though no sound came out. 

“I’m not sure,” She said finally, “But I am scared for you, mistress.”

Mor’s fingers twitched, it wasn’t a great answer.

She finished with a small flourish and Mor stood. She looked herself over in the mirror, Aine fiddling with her hands behind her. Mor took a deep breath and rolled her shoulders back, raising her chin. She had done this. She had saved herself from marriage and was now going to be facing consequences. 

But she had freed herself from the terrorizing grip of Eris Vanserra.

Now she had her father to deal with.

~~~~~~

“Good luck, Mistress.” Aine’s voice echoed as Mor exited her room with a sinking feeling she wouldn’t be back.

When she entered the throne room, her mother and father were both waiting for her. 

Her mother’s face was something she’d never seen from her before. It was more than the disappointment she had on her face when she found her only daughter hungover or sneaking out of the kitchen at night. It was a bone-chilling disappointment. The kind of disappointment that lingered for longer than an hour. She wasn’t disheveled, her mother had most likely never been disheveled a day in her life- but her shoulders were heavy, her eyes rimmed with dark circles and her fingers twitched from their place resting in her lap.

Her father, however, was more than disappointed. He was angry. His eyes were dark with a rage that chilled the room. He wasn’t sitting like her mother was, he was standing, hands clenched at his sides, feet planted into the ground as if he was seconds away from breaking into a run or spontaneously bursting into flames. Or both.

Morrigan froze in the doorway and they both looked her up and down, both of their gazes filled with something that definitely wasn’t good.

“You’ve disappointed us.” Her mother’s voice was calm. No, calm wasn’t the word to describe it. It was careful. Calculatingly undisturbed. Mor often forgot that her mother was Hewn City thorough-bred, she was manipulative. She was dangerous. “Are you sorry?”

“No,” Mor said after a pregnant silence. “No, I’m not sorry for wanting to live my own life.”

Keir laughed but it was filled with that same anger.

Her mother stood up, resting a hand on Keir’s arm briefly before walking over to Mor. She met her eyes but didn’t reach for her.

“Mom?” She asked, fighting to stop her voice from shaking.

She reached up and caressed Mor’s face before dropping it. Then she brought it back up so suddenly Mor didn’t have time to react as her mother’s hand met her cheek. Her head snapped sideways in response. “Mom,” Her voice was a whisper of agony.

Her mom shook her head in disgust. “You are not my daughter. Not since you whored yourself out to someone so lesser.” She stepped away from Mor, “You couldn’t have even done it with another high fae. You’re disgusting.”

“Mom.” 

“How dare you. How dare you! My only daughter, disgracing herself and me and especially your father in the process. You’re so powerful, you could have had powerful sons.”

That spurred her into words, “I could have had powerful sons? Not that I could use my power, just pass it on to my sons.”

“Yes.”

“The fact that you see nothing wrong with that,” Mor said meeting her eyes again, “Is so wrong. I’m so sorry for you.”

Her mother made to slap her again but Mor was expecting it this time, catching her wrist.

Her mother yanked her hand away from her and walked back to Keir, she murmured, “Do what you will.” Then turned and left, not looking at her on her way out.

Keir walked across the room to her, taking her shoulders in a tight grip, “My wife doesn’t have the stomach to watch what I have to do to you.”

A curl of fear, “And what’s that?”

“I have to teach you a lesson.” His lip curled upwards in excitement that made Mor’s stomach churn. Stepping away and motioning for her to be restrained allowed for multiple of his best warriors to enter. She was good, but there were too many. She did land a few blows of her own but her power was untrained and wild so she had to rely on her physical capabilities alone. She thought she was winning, that she was going to make it out of this with only a few cuts and bruises when one surprised her. Her legs were swept out from under her, followed by a swift kick to the ribs 

“And then,” He lifted one shoulder casually as his only child was restrained in a standing position. She wasn’t against a wall, allowing him to circle her, “If you survive what I must do to you, then you become Autumn’s problem.”

One of the warriors handed him a knife, and her hell began.

She prayed to the Cauldron for her to blackout, to not feel the pain her own father was inflicting, to not hear her own screams echoing, her own blood dripping onto the marble floor.

The Cauldron, apparently, wasn’t on her side.

That this is me trying

She wanted death. She hadn’t ever wished for death like she did right now. Part of her knew she was free now and celebrated that. However, the rational part of her. The part that currently felt the blood leaving every possible place in her body, knew that she wasn’t going to be ‘free’ for very long.

She shifted, almost imperceptibly, and felt the nails in her womb shift. She pressed her lips together to contain the pained groan that attempted to escape.

She dug her nails into the soft earth and scratched futilely. She didn’t know what she wanted to happen, her legs were numb so unless she could gather enough upper body strength there was no moving from this spot.

Her father hadn’t even had the gall to take her and dump her himself. He’d had some of his most trusted soldiers leave her at the border to the Autumn Court. As soon as they’d left and her heightened senses stopped being able to pick them up she’d allowed herself a single scream.

It had torn through her with enough force to make her entire body shake. She didn’t know if she was screaming from the blinding agony she was currently in or how quickly everyone she’d ever known turned on her with an undeniable eagerness that hurt to think about.

The damp earth around her fingers was all she could think about as her mind faded in and out of consciousness. The earth seemed to be getting damper and with a horrified whimper she knew why.

Her head, her neck, her upper arms. The cuts and injuries her father had inflicted on her. They were open. That seemed so obvious in hindsight. The soil wasn’t damp from the rain. Her blood was soaking into the ground, and fast.

Another whimper escaped her lips as she dug her hands in harder, attempting to pull herself somewhere.

She yanked herself along, the sounds of her shattered broken bones shifting made bile rise to her tongue. She couldn’t see, the pain so horrible it was not even registering in her mind but it was registering everywhere else.

She pulled and pulled, inching carefully along the grass, slick with what should be running through her veins.

The birds, undisturbed, chirping above her. What she would give to be up there with them, no worries, just a simple purpose, and a simpler life.

The tears running down her face made knowing the difference between what part of her was slick with blood and what part of her was slick with tears difficult.

“Morrigan.”

Hearing her own name, knowing she wasn’t alone here to die any longer made her cry out. But, when her brain finally recognized the voice, her smile died before it began.

Eris Vanserra crouched over her, running a slender finger down her torso, beginning at her neck until he reached the note. She saw him pause and read it.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, lips curling in distaste. “My problem?” He ran a hand through her bloody hair with enough mock-tenderness to make her shiver. “No.” He pulled his hand away, wiping it on seemingly the only patch of grass not wet with her blood.

When he stood up and walked away there was a single moment where he looked back at her, something like regret shining in his eyes and in the tightness of his lips. However, since the world started fading not a minute after, she chalked that up to her imagination.

At least I’m trying

She thought she was dead when she was picked up. She was numb all over, not feeling pain and unable to move any part of her. With more desperation and strength than she’d ever used she forced her eyes to open. She blinked quickly at the flash of light that sent shocks through her body.

“You’re free. You’re free.”

Azriel.

He seemed to recognize she couldn’t speak and cradled her closer, taking care to not bump the nails still embedded in her stomach.

“You’re out, Mor. We’re going home.”

You’re free.

Act III; The Finale

And it's hard to be at a party

When I feel like an open wound

Her cousin tried to fight her battle with her. Azriel, Cassian, and even Amren did the same. They all worked relentlessly to help her heal. She knew she had to fight her battles on her own. It was working, albeit slowly.

The group of them were stumbling down the streets during a calm night. The moonlight stretched through and reflected off the beautiful and colorful streets and buildings of Velaris. The gentle sound of the Sidra flowing sent calming waves through Mor.

The liquor in her stomach warmed her body which still confused her mind. 

She’d been drinking at Rita’s with her cousin and the others this evening. In the beginning, she’d drank with them to not bring down the mood. She knew she wasn’t entirely fun to be around, not anymore or yet. But now she felt free if she didn’t stop to think much. Speaking of thinking, she was still able to do too much of it still. Rhys had an arm around her shoulder and she moved just enough to pluck the half-full bottle out of Amren’s hand. She felt Az’s eyes on her as she took a heavy swig out of the bottle and shuddered. 

She flashed a small smile at him and he quickly looked away.

She took another drink before Cassian snatched it.

She didn’t know what they were talking about but she could tell she was responding. Her dress, red, low-cut, caught on her heels and the cobblestones and she flew forward. Rhys let out a startled laugh as he caught her and righted her.

She flinched then giggled drunkenly.

Amren reached over and tugged lightly on the strap of Mor’s dress. Mor thought she was going to scold her. To say she should’ve not worn such a slutty dress, she couldn’t have gotten that drunk. Stumbling was a sign of weakness. She was weak. All Amren said though was, “We need to smooth out this road, right Rhysand?”

Rhys laughed, “I’ll do my best.” 

“Or you could just chop the bottom half of all your dresses off,” Cassian’s voice was slurred.

“Nope,” Az said simply.

Amren nodded her agreement, “The long dresses look amazing on her. She’s gotta keep them.” She grinned, all teeth.

Mor smiled up at the sky, the moon shining off her eyes and blonde hair like she was some kind of goddess.

She’d found her family.

A single tear whispered its way down her face and she wiped it quickly before the other noticed.

She loved these weirdo misfits, but despite that, she heard her mother whisper in the back of her mind. You may love them but they won’t stick around very long, you know that. You’ll disgrace yourself even more.

She reached for the bottle again.

It's hard to be anywhere these days

When all I want is you

When she was flying she was free. Flying with her coven, or flying alone, it didn’t matter. She was free.

The mountains were beautiful in the soft light of the dawn. She twisted through the snow-covered peaks. She was high above where anybody could see her and there, the young light warm on her face and the mountains at her sides she reached up and took her hair out of the braid she’d hurriedly threw it in not even an hour earlier.

Her hair whipped around her face, her movements throwing soft snow up from the peaks into her hair and face.

The contrasting temperatures and feelings were enough to clear her mind, she took a breath, deep enough to rattle her chest, and focused on the sensations. The ice and snow prickling her skin, and making her hair damp. The sun taking its daily trek through the sky and illuminating the snow with colors of orange and yellow and red. It was so early that even the bravest birds were asleep, and no lions or similar creatures were up this high. The silence was loud, filling her head with a warm buzzing sensation. She gripped the wood handle of her broom tightly attempting to focus solely on the feel of the wood beneath her calloused hands.

She failed miserably to say the least.

She leaned forward, bringing herself and her broom closer to the snow. She leaned down, running her hand through the smooth blanket, undisturbed by animals and humanoids alike.

It was so simple up here, so calm against the raging war constantly happening below. She wondered what it would be like to live a life like that.

If you’d stayed with him, you would know.

Him. Her hunter.

You would have raised your child, and he would have lived a life like this. Your reality wouldn’t be a constant power struggle between the witches and everyone else. Your reality wouldn’t be a permanent scar reminding you of your failure. Your reality wouldn’t be fighting to survive your own mind. Your reality wouldn't be so filled with people, yet so alone.

She allowed herself to slip off her broom into the welcoming pillow below her.

She lay still, listening to the silence of the dawn around her, and closed her eyes.

She was letting herself breathe, if only for a moment.

You're a flashback in a film reel

On the one screen in my town

The blade was a part of her, an extension of her pain. Her beliefs. In some ways, it was her. Following through on her desires, on her desperation. She had to help the humans. That was the only thought running through her brain. Slash, dodge, flip, stab, parry, disarm, kill.

She was a mindless machine, not allowing herself a flicker of doubt as she ended the lives of her own people. No. These weren’t her people. The only thing she had in common with them was being the same species.

The blades, the one in her hand and the ones strapped along her Illyrian armor, once gleamed gold in the dying light, now shone with blood. Fae blood.

She felt a warm liquid trickle down her face and wiped absent-mindedly with her upper arm.

Her senses were confused with the havoc around her but she focused, sending her mind through the throngs of people, fae and human alike. After moments of careful concentration, she found them.

Rhysand. Cassian. Azriel. 

They were okay.

But she was about to not be.

She sensed the Spring Court foot soldier lunging just in time. She spun, winnowing for just long enough to appear behind him, snapping his neck.

She spared a glance around her seeing the bodies littered all over the field. 

The blood ran like a river and her brain flashed to another moment where blood ran over soil.

She lifted a hand to her stomach absently.

Her ears twitched as she heard it. Screaming, human screaming.

She blindly called out to an Illyrian she passed by and paused only to see him nod in response. She took off, flying through the people, the soaring arrows and the sharp blades. It was one of them. One of the people on their side.

She lashed out frantically, dropping her sword and thrusting her hands through his chest. All the way through.

She looked down at the humans. Two of them, a father hunched over his daughter, as if protecting her.

She pulled him off of her, he was limp. Dead before she got there. The girl though, she looked to be about sixteen, her breaths coming out in short gasps, silent tears running down her face. The scratches and blood covering her proved she’d fought back.

Mor knew she had to get back to the battlefield but she kneeled anyway, pulling the girl closely against her. She gradually stopped shaking and pulled away. Looking Mor in the eye. She was afraid, but still, she looked at her unflinching. She’d just seen the barest example of what Mor could do but regardless she spoke. Her voice was hoarse, “You’re beautiful.” She ran her hands along Mor’s cheekbones carefully.

“I’m going to get you home,” Mor told her.

“I think I’m going to draw you.” She whispered.

Mor smiled, “Thank you, I appreciate that.”

The girl smiled brokenly, taking Mor’s face in her hands and pulling her close. 

“Don’t stop fighting. You are a warrior princess.”

Mor smiled again, “So are you.”

The girl looked at her for a beat longer, as if checking her message got through. Finally, she broke away, tearing off into the woods.

As Mor sprinted the other direction, towards the battlefield she hoped that girl would live long enough to draw her.

Spoiler alert: She didn’t. Later, Mor found her. Her heart ripped clean out of her chest. Not even a mile from her father’s body.

And I just wanted you to know

That this is me trying (maybe I don't quite know what to say)

One day Rhys came home, his shoulders heavy, burdened by his new responsibility. Mor took a single look at him and knew. His mother and sister were dead. And he was now the High Lord of the Night Court.

She wrapped her arms around him and he fought so hard to not melt but it was only shortly after that he did, silent tears soaking through the sleeve of her dress.

Not long after she was named Rhysand’s third in command. She was third in command to the Night Court. 

Sometimes, when the days got bad, she would run her hands all over her skin, where her father had cut her, where he nailed the note into her stomach. She felt unworthy, dirty. She was a slut, a whore, a monster. But then. Then she would remember a simple fact.

She outranked her father.

She outranked her father.

So she distracted and busied herself, focusing solely on her duties when she was required to go to Hewn City, not facing her father unless absolutely necessary. Her family fought hard with her and she finally worked up the courage to wear her favorite dresses when visiting Hewn City.

She’d always been scared to do it but when she finally did the look on her father's face and seeing her family get defensive on her behalf made it worth it. No, scratch that. Seeing herself stand up to him, knowing there was nothing he could do to hurt her? Worth more than every insult he spewed at her that night.

~~~~

Asterin had bad days. This was an undeniable fact, something she couldn’t outrun no matter how much she tried.

There were days where she would be incapacitated from the pain, doubled over at the idea and memories of her child, her hunter. She would trace her finger over the word engraved over her damaged womb and repeat it to herself.

“Unclean. Unclean. Unclean.”

But then she would hear her name being called. So she would pull her shirt down and go meet the thirteen for whatever adventure they were headed on.

She would take every possible opportunity to stand up to Matron Blackbeak, despite the consequences from Manon.

She would look that old bitch dead in the eyes as she did whatever it was. Asterin would make sure she understood. She understood that this wasn’t completely about whatever trivial offense she’d committed. This was about the pain the matron had put her through. Had put what had to be countless witches before her (and possibly after) through.

She would curse, spit, even attempted a slap once or twice but it never made her feel powerful, or strong because it never stuck. The Matron was still in complete control, and Manon wouldn’t fight back against the Matron, never anything to upset the scales at least.

I just wanted you to know

She was healed. Not completely, she doubted she would ever be rid of the lingering trauma lovingly gifted to her by Hewn City. By her father, more specifically. But every time she put on one of her favorite dresses, she didn’t hear her mother’s voice in the back of her head.

She partied at Rita’s without inhibition, drinking as much as she wanted, spending her nights with whoever she wanted. She had control over her magic, she could fight (and she could fight really well, ask Cassian), and she loved herself. Meals were always filled with laughter and witty banter, something that before Velaris she’d never known. She had hit her peak in life, she had never been happier.

Mor fastened the jewelry to her pointed ears, smiling at herself in the mirror.

“Mor!” Cassian’s voice carried up the stairs. “Hurry up, I’m hungry!”

“Poor baby!” She called back.

“Stop taking your sweet time and get your ass down here!”

“Don’t talk about a lady’s ass, you heathen.” That was Amren. Mor couldn’t stop her very unladylike snort.

She heard vague crashing noises and then Rhys’ voice called, “Mor, you know I’m all for spending time on appearances but please before the entire Night Court gets destroyed because Cassian pissed Amren off.”

She couldn’t see them but from the noises, she could assume Rhys had Cassian by the arms and Azriel had placed himself in front of Amren, both of them fighting to stop the carnage.

She ran her fingers through her hair before backing away from her vanity and sauntering out of her bedroom.

She was right, her family was in a stand-off in the sitting room.

“Come on, you uncontrollable monsters.” She pushed her way to the front of them, met with grumbles from Cassian and Rhysand. 

After dinner they were walking the streets of Velaris, stumbling along the bank of the Sidra.

“Morrigan?” A small voice asked. They all turned to see a girl, who must have been only five, standing there. She looked nervous as all hell and clutched between grubby hands was a white rose. She held it out to Mor who crouched to be eye-level with the girl.

“This is for you,” She whispered, her voice barely audible above the rush of the Sidra.

Mor’s heart warmed and she took the rose, and with painstaking care, she tucked it into her hair, “Thank you, sweetheart. What’s your name?”

“Beline,” She tucked her hands behind her, face red from the attention Mor was giving her. “I want to be like you when I grow up.”

“I have a feeling that you’re going to be better, Beline.”

A woman’s voice called Beline’s name. “Is that your mother?”

Beline nodded.

“Well, I guess you’d better run home, honey. Thank you very much for the flower, I’ll treasure it forever.” She swore, a hand over her heart.

Beline went crimson and giggled before racing off in the direction of her mother’s voice.

Mor did keep that flower, she dried it out and pressed it between the pages of her favorite novel that was always on her dresser. She was glad she had a reminder of that evening. The last peaceful and happy evening she would have for fifty years because it was very shortly after that everything went to hell.

~~~~~

Asterin grinned at Vesta, teeth sharp and bloody. Vesta grinned right back. She heard other coven members cackle behind her, and Asterin knew their grins were just as bloody.

Asterin threw her arms out with a laugh, her nails were caked with blood and dirt and who knows what else.

The Thirteen were standing in a field, ankle-deep in remains. A trickle of blood made its way down Asterin’s cheek.

Manon was picking her way through the piles of bodies toward her. 

“Gods, that was fun!” Vesta exclaimed.

Asterin spun to see the other members of the coven. Thea and Kaya were shoulder to shoulder, talking in low tones, they weren’t grinning or cackling like the others but their eyes were shining.

Ghislaine was shoving her way through the bodies and looking distastefully at the blood covering her clothes.

Faline and Fallon were crouched over a few fresher bodies and when they looked up at Asterin, their chins and teeth were coated in blood, their grins were maniacal.

Imogen was wiping the blood from her face, Linnea was picking what looked like skin from her teeth, and Briar and Edda were kicking and prodding the bodies, making sure they were dead.

Manon finally reached Asterin’s side and threw an arm over her shoulder. She licked her lips, surveying the bloody field. “This was fun, but you know we have a lot of concerns back home. My grandmother’s pissed at us for something.”

Asterin looked at her and sighed, “Yeah. But come on, Manon. Live a little! Enjoy this!” She swept her arms out wildly.

Finally, a grin broke across her face, “We did good.”

“Hell yeah, we did!”

The two of them were standing at the top of the hill together, washed in moonlight and blood, watching the coven below them.

“This one’s still alive!” Briar shrieked.

“Live a little, Manon,” Asterin repeated. Manon grinned at her then shoved away and sprinted down the hill.

That this is me trying

Mor opened the library door with her hip, holding two mugs tightly in her hands.

Feyre Archeron was sitting in an armchair that seemed to be swallowing her whole. She had her arms crossed over her stomach and ribs, hunched over painfully.

Mor made her steps louder to not completely scare the girl who looked like at the slightest disturbance she would disappear.

Feyre didn’t move at Mor’s entrance but her ears twitched and her nose flared slightly.

She felt herself smile and catch her breath, Feyre wasn’t afraid of her. She knew it was Mor and she hadn’t gotten defensive at her entrance. That was all she and Rhys wanted. They wanted her to know she could trust them.

She lowered herself into the chair next to Feyre, setting one of the mugs on the coffee table in front of her. Only after Mor had relaxed into the chair and taken a sip did Feyre straighten, just slightly, and reached with shaky, emaciated hands for the mug.

They sat in comfortable silence, snowflakes fluttering outside the window in the dark, watching the fireplace crackle and spark with life. The only light in the room.

She was determined to help this girl, even if it killed her.

~~~

Asterin hung back, watching Elide Lochan carefully.

The girl held a laundry basket against her hip, keeping her weight off her bad ankle with a skill that came with years of practice. That idea sent a jolt of protective anger through Asterin. If he didn’t get what was coming to him soon, Asterin was going to give it to him.

Elide was talking in low tones to another servant girl. After they resolved the conversation Elide smiled kindly to the girl and walked off to take her basket where it needed to be.

She was about to walk up the stairs when something made her stiffen and turn. She scanned the corridor until her eyes landed on Asterin, who was half-hidden behind a column.

Elide visibly relaxed and smiled. The look in her eyes was so uncommon to be directed at an Ironteeth witch that Asterin’s breath caught.

She was so relaxed with them, she knew she was safe with them and that was what caused a smile to bloom across her face.

Surprise flashed in little Elide’s eyes and they stood there, watching each other until, “Elide! I need that dirty laundry!”

Elide called up the stairs, “Of course, I’m coming!”

Elide nodded at Asterin, still smiling, and walked up the stairs out of sight.

It was a small moment in time, fleeting compared to the centuries Asterin had lived through and insignificant when compared to what was going to happen, but that moment stuck with her.

She was going to protect that girl, even if it killed her.

At least I’m trying

#morrigan #mor acotar #rhysand #feyre archeron #a court of thorns and roses #a court of mist and fury #a court of dreams #a court of wings and ruin #a court of frost and starlight #throne of glass #crown of midnight #heir of fire #asterin blackbeak #asterin #the thirteen #the 13 #manon blackbeak #elide lochan #acotar #acomaf #acowar #tog #com #hof #queen of shadows #empire of storms #qos #eos #koa #kingdom of ash

[post-itpenny]

Far too Young to Die

Some Mafia AU, just a warning this one gets intense.

Tagging @grotesquegabby and @clownsgobeepbeep

There was a servant waiting at the end of the hall for Vespers. The same one that delivered a message last time. They walked by each other. Vespers feeling a hand slip into his coat pocket before they parted.

The sign of a rabbit, this time with writing on it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was late evening and Amaranthus had been put to bed. Maggie having quitely retreated to the library to read when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Pierre stood over her looking down with his usual frown but there was a new coldness to it. Not that Maggie could blame him, she was unsure why the bodyguard was so attached to Ama but he had a right to be mad at her too.

She was brought before William who had been sitting in the parlor musing over a slip of paper.

“Evening sir,” Maggie quietly greeted.

William looked up at her with an arched eyebrow. Demure wasn’t her usual behavior but apparently even Maggie understood when she was on thin ice.

William held up the slip of paper, “this had been delivered earlier this evening to the gate security. Perhaps it will be of interest to you.”

Maggie took the paper, noting the rabbit stamped at the top:

Time: 6:10 pm

Status: Awake/ Stable

Pulse: 80 (high)

Recommend: Observation

Maggie gave a sigh as her shoulders relaxed a little. “Magpie is awake and the Rabbit wants to keep her a little longer.”

William nodded, watching Maggie as if he was expecting something.

Maggie folded up the letter and tucked it into her pocket, going to stand by the fire. “I’ll have to wait till they release her then I guess. If the messenger comes by again, can we pass on a note that her dog is here with me? She’s probably worried.”

William gave a nod, “of course.”

With Maggie’s back to them she did not see either William or Pierre give sighs of relief. Apparently she was serious in keeping her promise not to sneak out again.

At that moment a servant came running into the room. A note waving in their hand with the stamp of a rabbit clearly visible.

Maggie snatched the note before either William or Pierre could.

As she read, Maggie’s face turned white, gripping the note so tightly the paper nearly tore to shreds between her fingers.

Maggie took two steps back, seeming to trip over her feet as she collapsed to the floor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At 6:10 pm, Magpie opened her eyes.

It took a moment to recall what had exactly happened. She felt dizzy and heavy at the same time, desiring to close her eyes again. But slowly her last memories clicked back into place.

She had been chasing the sisters when she turned around to find Jack of all people with a gun pressed against her skull.

“You bastard,” she hissed.

Jack chuckled, “not the worst thing they’ve called me Starshine. Can’t lie I’m gonna miss you but this is rather personal.”

BANG!

The shot was not from Jack but another direction, hitting her under the ribs. Magpie hissed as another bullet buried itself in her shoulder. Jack pushed her to the ground, crying out as he apparently got hit as well. In the haze of pain Magpie made a quick assessment:

Shots from behind, so the street.

Which meant at least a 6-7 yard distance.

So whoever it was had terrible aim.

So not a hired hand.

The sound of screeching tires confirmed her suspicions. She and Jack were still for a moment, it was getting too hard to think between the pain and blood loss. Jack must have determined the coast was clear as he sat up and pulled out a phone…

Now here she was, wherever this was.

Magpie looked up at the stony ceiling, a damp chill filled the air. So underground?

She felt sluggish, turning her head to the right and spotting the image of a rabbit stamped into the wall.

Ah, so The Warren then. Magpie sighed with relief knowing she was in a safe space. She became aware of the bandages wrapped around her body, perhaps she was still under pain meds, that would explain a lot.

She sighed again and turned her head to the left to find Jack awake and looking at her.

“Moooorning,” he giggled.

Magpie shrieked, attempting to jump out of her bed and falling back in both pain and vertigo.

A curtain was pulled back. The Rabbit sighed with a shake of her head as she forced Magpie lie down. “You will pop your stitches, calm down before I restrain you.”

Magpie glared, Jack giggling again.

“Sssalways so cute when mad.”

Guess she wasn’t the only one on pain medicine.

The Rabbit frowned, checking a clipboard at the foot of Jack’s bed.

“Ah, I see you refused medication at first. No wonder you haven’t slept it off yet.”

Jack cheekily grinned up at the doctor, Magpie rolling her eyes. Still as stubborn as ever apparently.

The doctor turned to Magpie to check her pulse and bandages, “you will stay calm or I’m serious about the restraints. We’re too full to move you anywhere else.”

Magpie wanted to argue but the doctor was gone again. Magpie laid back in her bed. Floating through waves of drowsy dizziness. The pain down to a dull ache. She could slip off to sleep like this, that is except for the man in the bed next to her still giggling.

“What’s so funny?”

Jack grinned, “this issss the closssest I’ve had you in b-bed with me in years.”

Magpie turned bright red. “Get your mind out of the gutter Jack. This is as close as you get.”

Jack sighed, slowly rolling to his side and looking at her. “I missed you ssso much my Queen of Hearts. Can you b-blame me?”

Magpie flinched at the old nickname and looked away. Of all the people to share a hospital room with.

Still…

Magpie looked back to him. “You were going to kill me yes? Why save me then?”

Jack slowly shook his head. “W-Wasn’t part of the deal. I got you if I let the freaks run free.”

Magpie launched herself at him, a nurse running in to pull her off but not before Magpie could hit him as hard as she could in his stitches.

Jack screamed in pain, Magpie was spitting curses as she was belted to the bed.

The Rabbit came rushing back in, whacking Magpie upside the read with her clipboard. “I don’t care how bad you want to kill him you will not do it here! Now behave yourself or I’ll have them drug you up till you sleep for a week!”

Magpie was fuming, glaring at the ceiling with such intensity Jack mildly wondered if she was trying to set it on fire with her thoughts.

Ah, there was his Starshine.

“I suppose I deserve that,” Jack cringed as he settled back into his own bed. The attack apparently having sobered him up. “But believe me I had no idea how bad those two were.”

“You never think anything through,” Magpie hissed, “you haven’t changed.”

“You’re right, afterall I still love you.”

They were both silent for a time after that. Each caught in a backlash of memories involving the other.

Finally, Magpie was first to break the diligence. “You were going to kill me.”

“You’re too much,” Jack confessed, “if I can’t have you no one can.”

“That… that’s so wrong, you’re a terrible person Jack.”

“Heh, you already said that once.”

“Yes but this is beyond the last time. Who hired you, I’m owed at least that.”

“It was all anonymous, but considering they know you so well and wanted me dead too, I bet we can figure it out.”

Magpie pondered his words, the answer clicking and sending a dreadful feeling to the pit of her stomach. “You really think-“

“None of this would happen if you had stayed with me. You know I would have taken in the Little Red too. We could have been a family.”

“Jack please don’t-“

He was hovering over her, Magpie strapped to her bed and unable to do more than squirm.

And then he kissed her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vespers was sitting in the small club with his sister. Across the room was a tall gentleman wearing sunglasses.

“Who the hell wears sunglasses inside a dark club?” Juno questioned, “how pretentious can you get?”

“Careful Juni,” Vespers hummed with a sip of his drink. “You’re gonna max out your vocabulary if you keep using big words like that.”

Juno glared, punching his shoulder, “so you gonna go talk to him or not?”

Vespers looked away with a slight blush, “guy’s not my type.”

“Bullshit, now go hookup with him.”

“Juno!”

“Look the guy looks like an asshole but he’s a cute one I’ll admit. You don’t go get him, someone else will.”

Indeed as they spoke a girl danced her way over to him, Vespers cringing as she laughed at something the guy said.

At that moment the bartender slipped them a piece of paper. The sign of a rabbit stamped on it.

Vespers read the note quickly before jumping up with a shout. Running out the door of the club with Juno close behind.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The kiss was slow but sudden, and just as intense as she remembered. Just as perfect.

When it was good it was the best, her time with him. Jack had been the only guy to make Magpie feel special, like a person capable of more than her job. Saying things like how the were far too young too die. With her he felt like he could keep going forever. She felt the same. When it was good it was good...

But when it was bad…

“Stop,” Magpie mumbled. Turning her head away with a frown. “Just stop.”

Jack sat back, an unidentifiable look in his eyes.

“Starshine I-“

Someone was screaming.

From the end of the hall a door was bursting open and someone was screaming.

There was a terrific crash as more people started screaming. Jack quickly undid Magpie’s restraints and stepped out into the hall.

Faline was gouging into someone’s shoulder with a butcher knife.

On instinct, Jack and Magpie both reached for a gun that were not on their person’s. Jack ran over to a nearby set of drawers and pulled out a scalpel to pass to Magpie.

Faline was fighting off a nurse who was trying to hold her back. Throwing the man over her shoulder as she turned back to the victim she had pinned to the floor.

There was a whizzing sound. Faline looking up as a scalpel flew through the air and into her eye.

The redhead stood up with a scream. Falling back as Zilla snaked around her sister and charged down the hallway.

Jack passed Magpie a few syringes as he picked up a chair to toss at the beast of a woman running at them.

BOOM!

BOOM!

Zilla’s chest exploded, falling to the floor as Faline screamed and escaped back up the elevator shaft from which she came.

Magpie and Jack shuddered in unison, turning around to find Dr. Adeline with eyes full of raw fury and a death grip on a shotgun.

“Dylan and Kole! Drag that thing to autopsy!” Adeline barked, “Someone go check on Mathew upstairs. Lucy prep whoever that is on the floor for surgery. I think that bitch nicked an artery judging by the blood.”

She threw down the gun in disgust before turning to Jack.

“Molly come help this one, he busted a couple stitches. Then send word to their people. They’re going to want to know about this.”

The nurse named Molly pulled Magpie and Jack back into their room. Magpie gingerly laid back down as her body radiated pain. Noticing the spots of blood coming up through Jack’s bandages.

“Don’t bother with that sweetheart,” Jack insisted as the nurse prepped the local anesthetic.

The nurse arched an eyebrow, “you sure?”

Jack insisted, Magpie rolling her eyes. He never changed.

Jack cringed as the nurse redid his stitches. Magpie letting him squeeze her hand.

[rufousnmacska]

Happiness

manorian drabble 6

previous

all on ao3

I received an anon request for “Asterin teasing Manon about Dorian”. This kind of went off in a sad direction but I think it's something Asterin would struggle with, so I went with it. I hope you like it nonny!

After a few weeks of traveling with Rowan’s group, Asterin was having trouble adjusting to sleeping on solid, stable ground. It had taken her no time to get used to the rocking of the ship. The rolling of the waves and sound of the water lapping against the side had a calming effect on her, quieting unwanted thoughts. She’d loved it. Much to Briar’s chagrin, who remained in the air on her wyvern as long as possible each day so at least some contents of her stomach stayed down.

She missed it. And this was only her second night back with the Thirteen. No. The Thirteen and Dorian.

Asterin hadn’t known what to expect upon her return. That day they’d split up on the beach, the entire coven had stood frozen, holding their collective breath as Dorian casually climbed atop Abraxos and slid into place behind Manon. As Second, she’d received a few quick, questioning looks. Which she ignored. She was leaving to escort Rowan’s party to who knew where. The others could sort out whatever was between Manon and the King. Although she knew more details than most, the rest had been suspicious for a while.

Now that she was back, it was obvious Manon and Dorian had grown closer. Obvious because of how much they tried to avoid each other. Obvious if you knew what signs to look for in Manon. Tiny things that most would miss - the twitch of her mouth that served to quell a smile; the quick touches when they allowed themselves to be near; the hint of softness in her voice when she spoke to him.

Dorian though... He was an open book. His eyes never strayed from Manon for long. And regardless of how much distance there was between them, his body seemed to gravitate to hers. Around hers. As if there was some invisible connection linking them.

If she was honest with herself, she’d expected... more. No, she’d hoped there would be more between them. Hoped Manon would feel free enough to let at least some of it show.

But this? This was just insulting.

An eyebrow arching in annoyance and a sigh escaping her lips, Asterin watched Manon creep out of her bedroll and silently walk out of camp. Only to be followed by Dorian. Who, earlier that night, had made a show of setting up his spot on the opposite side of the fire from Manon.

For a moment she thought of following them, a hundred ideas for scaring the shit out of them running through her head. Just as she was about to sit up, she stopped. Before they were lost among the trees, Asterin saw Dorian catch hold of Manon’s hand and pull it to his mouth for a kiss. She saw the brilliant smile that spread across Manon’s face. The sight was like a punch to her gut, and she fell onto her back and looked blankly up to the sky.

A while later, she rolled over to find Sorrel wide awake too.

“How long?” Asterin asked, nodding behind her.

Sorrel’s blanket rustled from a hidden shrug. “Since we left Eyllwe.”

Asterin snorted. “And it’s been like this? Sneaking about as if no one would notice?”

“I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather they sneak off than subject us to hearing it,” Sorrel said, eliciting another snort from Asterin. Gods she’d missed her coven. “But yes. I think Manon actually thinks we don’t know.” Sorrel shuffled down into her blankets. “It’s insulting.”

“Agreed. On both counts.”

“She shouldn’t feel like she has to hide it. Though...” Sorrel trailed off. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s him keeping it hidden?”

“No one makes her do anything she doesn’t want to.” But as soon as the words left her mouth, Asterin knew it was a lie. Sorrel did too judging from the look on her face.

“I don’t think that’s what’s happening anyway,” Sorrel continued. “He’s been nothing but polite and respectful to all of us. Especially Manon. There were a couple of days when he didn’t really talk. Except to her. But otherwise...” She smiled. “I like him. She deserves it.”

Asterin rolled back over and stared at the stars. She didn’t think Dorian had much to do with the sneaking around, aside from just wanting some privacy. This was Manon. Not wanting to give anything away. Or expose her true feelings. Asterin knew all too well what resulted when a Blackbeak formed an attachment to a male. That fear of punishment. Of loss. It was deeply ingrained in all of them.

Thinking Sorrel had gone back to sleep, Asterin flinched when she asked softly, “Does it bother you? Seeing her happy?”

"Of course not,” she said harshly. But Sorrel didn’t move a muscle at her angry tone. She just kept staring at her. Waiting. Finally, Asterin sighed and said, “I can’t deny that it’s... hard. But I would never begrudge her happiness. Never stand in her way. She does deserve it.”

“We all do,” Sorrel added, her eyes sad yet hopeful, the sentiment clearly meant for Asterin above herself or the others.

They lay in a peaceful silence, Asterin repeating Sorrel’s words in her mind. They’d been for her benefit, but she felt they all deserved some happiness. And Manon clearly needed a push.... Asterin bolted upright.

With a demon’s grin, she turned to Sorrel and said, “Get up. I need your help.”

Less than an hour later, Asterin sensed them returning. Her back was to the direction they’d gone off in, and she was staring at Sorrel’s back, watching her shake in silent laughter. As Manon neared, Asterin hissed at Sorrel to make her shut up.

She heard Manon and Dorian split up and tensed as Manon’s footsteps approached.

“What the...”

Witches heads popped out of their blankets, some sat up holding daggers, ready to throw at whatever enemy was near. One of the Demon Twins was standing with an arrow nocked in her bow.

Gods, Asterin thought, a bit taken aback by Faline’s speed and ferocity. She exchanged a wary but amused glance with Sorrel as they both sat up, then looked around in alarm. They had to play along of course.

Manon was turning in circles, arms half raised, looking at the ground. Growing more pissed with each second that passed. “Where is my godsdamned bedroll?”

Faline huffed in irritation and laid back down to sleep, her still-loaded bow resting in her hands.

Everyone else now turned to Dorian, who, as the only other person out of bed, looked as if he’d been caught with his hand in the sweets jar.

He has, Asterin thought, biting her lip to keep from laughing.

Dorian looked down at his own bedroll. Even in the low light, she could see his face turn as red as the fire’s dying embers. He ran his hand through his hair, clearly unsure of what to do or say. But when he finally faced them...

Well now. Asterin had to admit. That grin was quite a sight.

Nodding down to his feet, Dorian simply said, “Manon.”

And when she stomped her way around the fire to find her bedroll combined with his, Manon’s face turned red as well.

A few snorts and laughs rang out as the Thirteen fell back into their own beds. Someone even said, “It’s about time. We’re not blind you know.”

The harshness in Manon’s face melted away as she huffed a laugh, shaking her head. Dorian, still grinning and unable to contain his joy at the new arrangement, kissed her cheek before laying down.

But before she joined him, Manon looked over and caught Asterin’s eye, a soft smile illuminating her face.

Asterin could only look for a moment before she had to glance away. There was too much... too much emotion on Manon’s face, in Asterin’s heart. Too much love. And happiness. Bittersweet for her. Perhaps for Manon as well. She forced herself to meet Manon’s gaze again and nodded, two fingers on her forehead. Manon returned the sign of respect before laying down next to Dorian.

Asterin eased back and rolled over, doubtful she’d find any sleep tonight but still hoping for some sort of rest. Too quickly, thoughts of her hunter crowded her mind. They were never far away. Always sparked by some random occurrence. And she never knew what might be dredged up - a happy moment from the short time she’d spent with him, or some memory from the devastation that followed.

A hand settled gently on her shoulder. Sorrel. Asterin grasped it and squeezed. Tonight’s spark was apparently something she would need to get used to.

Later, after Sorrel’s hand dropped with sleep, Asterin let herself remember. Truly remember. Every detail, every moment. A lighthearted evening in a cabin in the woods. Her love pretending to court her, using all the human customs she was unfamiliar with. One of them... Bowing at the waist, taking her hand and kissing it.

A tear slid slowly down her cheek. She wasn’t surprised to find herself smiling. Not just from the memory, which was one of her favorites. But from knowing Manon was happy, for perhaps the first time in her life. And from the hope that welled inside of her at that thought. Maybe she too could find that happiness again. Some day.

#asterin blackbeak #manon blackbeak #dorian havilliard #manorian #manorian drabble #sorrel blackbeak #my writing #throne of glass #throne of glass fanfiction #empire of storms #apparently I am really into manorian hand kissing #as well as obsessing over their sleeping arrangements lol