Find Me In The Future
Author: Malus_sieversii
Rating: T
Setting: Canon AU
Word Count: 97,706
WARNINGS: Violence
Summary:
A few months after Morgause and Morgana's failed coup, Arthur is doing his best to run the kingdom; Gwen is caring for Uther, a broken man, confined to his chambers; and Merlin is still juggling three jobs as manservant, physician's apprentice, and secret guardian angel to a seemingly oblivious prince. As all three grapple with the reverberations of Morgana's betrayal and look anxiously towards the future, the future comes to them in the form of Arthur and Merlin from a decade later, accidentally plopped into their past. Together, they set out to return the pair to their proper place in time, confronting mistakes, secrets, and an unexpected peek into what the future holds. Featuring teasing, arguing, crying, roughhousing, more teasing, innuendo, and a sneaky little horse named Hengreon, join this cast of confusingly named characters for an attempt at humor that became a harrowing emotional journey featuring: Arthur, Uther, Arthur, Merlin, Merlin, Gwen, Gwaine, Gwyn?!, Morgana, and Morgause.
Reader’s Comments: This was such an amazing read, featuring Merlin and Arthur from 10 years in the future showing up on the doorstep of Merlin and Arthur around the beginning of season 4, there are revelations about feelings and magic and all that jazz, plus bonus morgwen! Very very cute and plot-heavy in a good way as the future M&A struggle to get back to their own time.
Thanks to @merthurmagic for sending in this rec!
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Merlin is expressing his displeasure so that the whole castle can hear him while Arthur lies in bed and rolls his eyes because the situation seems truly ridiculous to him.
"You are an idiot! An imbecile! A dollop-head! What the hell were you thinking of-?"
"Merlin, really, do we have to discuss this much longer? As you can see I'm perfectly fine."
Merlin's eyes go golden for a few seconds and Arthur rolls his eyes but shuts his mouth.
"Perfectly fine? You don't look perfectly fine to me because your side is bleeding and I just pulled an arrow out of it!"
Arthur wants to retort that in all the years of their acquaintance he has suffered far worse and that, really, he is fine but Merlin does not allow him to open his mouth.
"It could have been a poisoned arrow. It could have hit you in the stomach and then what would we have done, huh? It could have been a cursed arrow and you could have suffered for days while I tried to figure out how to cure you. Where the hell did you get the idea of putting yourself between me and a damn arrow?!"
Arthur is unimpressed by that speech and lies better in bed because he knows his court sorcerer won't let him go anywhere, at least not that day.
"It could have been anything but in the end, it was a very normal arrow," Merlin is about to interrupt him but Arthur doesn't give him time "and even if it had been any of those things you listed it wouldn't have changed anything. I don't care if you are the most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the face of the earth, Merlin, before all this you are my friend and if I see you are in danger I will do everything in my power to save you"
Merlin tightens his lips and lowers his eyes to Arthur's wound as he runs a medicated cream of some kind over it.
"It's because you're an idiot, that's why," Merlin's voice is a bit broken as he tries not to start sobbing because he doesn't want to hear that he's such a girl from Arthur, not at this moment.
But his king apparently really is an idiot.
A brave, stupid, loyal, dollop-head, altruistic idiot.
Merlin could never have hoped for a better King. Or friend.
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It was one of those nights: the peaceful ones where both King and Court Warlock could shed their titles and just exist as two friends sharing cups of wine beside a fire. Both were silent as they nursed their drinks and basked in the dim lighting the fire provided Arthur’s dark chambers.
Merlin was lying across the floor on top of countless pillows and blankets, parallel to the hearth of the fireplace. His feet were bare as he had kicked off his boots hours earlier and the cords of his tunic were pulled extremely loose. Merlin’s legs were crossed one over the other as one hand played with a lock of his own hair as the other blindly traced the engravings of his goblet.
Arthur was sat his chair above Merlin, facing the fire and looking down at the peaceful man. He was glad that Merlin’s eyes were closed because it allowed the King to openly stare. For someone who was regarded to be so aware of everything all of the time - Merlin has not once ever cottoned on to Arthur’s gaze on him. In a way, it was reassuring that Arthur didn’t have to fear being caught by the very man he was observing. But it another way it was far too frustrating: Arthur nearly wanted to be caught and then in turn be forced to admit his reasons for staring.
For the Goddess’ sake, how could Arthur not look anywhere but Merlin with the man lying so enchantingly in front of him, doused in the golden light of the flames?
How could he lay his eyes elsewhere when nothing and no one else brought him nearly as much happiness and fulfilment in his heart than Merlin?
How could he when Merlin was everything that he loved?
The nearly empty goblet rested on his lap with his hands encircling the rim, it would be stupid to say it.
“Merlin?” Arthur broke their silence.
Merlin hummed in response, he didn’t move nor open his eye, but the tone of his voice easily told Arthur that he was listening.
“I’m in love with you.” Oh, fuck.
The body in front of him stilled. Merlin’s hand retracted from his hair as he slowly sat up. Arthur couldn’t tell you when the Warlock’s eyes had opened but he could give you a thousand words at least on what it felt like to be under their unending gaze. Merlin didn’t look away from Arthur as he got to his feet and came to stand in front of his King.
Merlin might not have ever been aware of when Arthur’s eyes were on him - but Arthur was far too aware of Merlin’s piercing stare. The King averted his eyes and stared down at the lingering mouthful of wine in his cup, listening to Merlin’s few footsteps.
A hand slid underneath Arthur’s jaw and half cupped the side of his face: hesitantly, Arthur let himself be guided to look up at Merlin. Had it been anyone else, this would have been so dangerous - to willing put his heart and mind at risk by giving someone else so much control over him would have been a death wish if it were anyone else.
Yet this was Merlin, the one person in his life that he would faithfully trust the world with to the ends of time.
It was sad eyes that Arthur saw. Not angry. Not disgusted. Not hurt, or even happy. Sad, sad, eyes that Arthur would nearly say were brokenhearted.
Merlin sighed with a pained and defeated expression. “Not again.”
“What?” Arthur felt his breath catch in his throat.
Merlin smiled with a soft pain, his thumb stroked over Arthur cheek as he said, “You don’t love me, Arthur.”
“I- I do.” Arthur stammered, he hadn’t anticipated out right refusal, denial and disbelief as an outcome. “I do love you, Merlin.”
Merlin swallows and seemed to choke back tears.
“No, Arthur, you don’t.” He repeated. “This is a love enchantment, this has happened before. You aren’t in love with me.”
The words were far too rehearsed, Merlin’s expression too knowing and understanding. Arthur felt like a petulant child being gently corrected on the truth. Had this really happened before? Had Arthur been enchanted to be in love with Merlin before?
“Merlin, I know my feelings, please believe me.” Arthur begged in futile.
“I don’t think you realise how badly I want to, but I can’t.”
Arthur’s eyes widened at Merlin’s confession - even though the feelings were reciprocated, Arthur was still being rejected - but he saw it. He saw all of the held back and restrained love Merlin held in his eyes for Arthur. He finally was bearing witness to Merlin’s affection, only because the Warlock was allowing him to.
“Is it really so unbelievable that I love you that you are convinced my mind is under the control of a spell of potion?”
“I know you love me - in the way friends love one another, brothers even.” Merlin stressed, his words clearly hurting himself. “But you don’t love me the way I want you to, you never have and you never will.”
“You do want me to love you like this?” Arthur countered.
Merlin closed his eyes and shakily let out a sob, his hands ran from Arthur’s jaw and face, around the King’s neck and weakly grasped at the back of Arthur’s head. He pressed his face into Arthur’s hair, Arthur pulled Merlin in closer and strung his arms around the Warlock’s waist and back: he could feel Merlin weep.
“You won’t remember this conversation, you never have, so why not?” Merlin muttered with a bitterness that surprised the King. “I have loved you for years, Arthur, what I feel for you goes beyond the devotion of prophecy and bond of friendship. I’ve always known that you will never feel the same.”
How his heart ached on the verge of breaking: Merlin loved him. He was in love with Arthur. He felt the same as Arthur but clearly awful past experiences that Arthur cannot remember are preventing him from acting on the truth.
Arthur tried to speak but was cut off before he could even utter a syllable.
“No, Arthur, please stop.” Merlin said, slipping out of Arthur embrace. He looked so guilty.
Merlin believed Arthur not to be in control of his mind and actions, he believed Arthur to be susceptible to anything. Though Merlin was nowhere near the kind of person to take advantage of someone under the influence of something mind altering. Even though this ‘supposed potion or enchantment’ was giving him what the Warlock wanted, Merlin still held back and refused.
Even such a simple embrace, the kind of embrace that was becoming more commonly between them as the years progressed seemed to wreck so much regret through the man - Arthur wanted to shake him and scream at how wrong Merlin was: that he could and was consenting to any any hold or touch Merlin could or would give him.
Arthur stood up and met Merlin far too closely. Their faces were mere inches apart, dangerously so. The King saw how badly Merlin wanted to give in, he could see the arguments and thought process that Merlin was going through.
His hand hovered over the side of Merlin’s face as leaned in closer.
“Don’t.”
He froze.
“You’re not in the right state of mind.” Merlin breathed out, more for his own sake than Arthur’s.
Arthur hand fell to his side but he didn’t move away.
“Please tell me how I can prove my honesty.” He asked.
Merlin looked down with resignation and then turned away to the doors.
“Come, Sire, follow me.” Merlin murmured as he left.
He hadn’t called Arthur ‘Sire’ in years, not even in heated arguments did Merlin enforce that distance between them. It spoke tales to Arthur on how hurt his best friend was. He dashed after Merlin, it wasn’t hard to follow the sound of weary footsteps.
They were heading for Merlin’s laboratory. Arthur caught up with broken hearted Warlock and joined their hands together - Merlin allowed it.
Met with the smell of dodgy potions, old books, strong herbs, ash and numerous other smells that Arthur had grown familiar with associating with Merlin’s experiments, Arthur saw and felt Merlin relax slightly. They were on his ground now, they followed his rules.
Arthur let go of Merlin’s hand and took his chair that he always sat in when observing Merlin work.
“You stare a lot.” Merlin said as he leafed through shelves of bottles - no doubt searching for a cure-all potion that he had concocted in earlier years.
“I always have, you’ve just never noticed.” Arthur replied honestly.
Merlin sighed for the thousandth time that hour and stood up straight and returned to Arthur, bottle in hand. It was a small vial with opaque pink liquid filling less than a third of the bottle. He stood on the other side of the work bench and handed over the vial of anti-serum.
Wordlessly and without hesitation Arthur uncorked the bottle and drank his mouthful. Setting down the bottle, he leaned closer to Merlin, head propped up by his elbow, hand under chin, staring at Merlin patiently.
The Warlock also leaned closer, gold creeping into his eyes without a single incantation as he analysed Arthur’s reaction to the potion. The world seemed to hold its breath as it waited for the two men to get onto the same page.
“Well, am I really under an enchantment?” Arthur asked after a very long pause.
Merlin’s mouth fell open as his brow and eyes once again creased into tears.
“No… You aren’t.” Merlin managed to say, covering his face as he cried.
Arthur stood up and joined Merlin on the other side of the workbench. He pulled the shocked and relieved and sobbing Warlock into another hug. Both holding onto each other equally tight.
“I love you, Merlin.” Arthur promised his Warlock firmly.
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