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lizzybeth1986 · 1 year

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It Takes A Village

Book: The Royal Romance

Pairing: None. Kiara with her family, and maybe a little bit of Hakim x Joëlle.

Rating: G

Summary: A young Kiara Thorne has something important to say to her parents.

Word Count: 2,234+ words

Tagging @choicesficwriterscreations for FoTW.

A/N1: This fic takes place in the universe of my series featuring Hana x Kiara, Petals and Thornes, but will precede the events of that series. Because of this, the family name is written as Thorne, not Theron. Kiara is 15 years old in this fic (and is 17 by the end of it).

(Gif is from GIPHY)

"Something the matter, ma fée?"

Kiara jumps with a start at the sudden break to the silence. Guiltily, she realizes she's been picking at the same merguez sausage for the last ten minutes - the poor food item is now mutilated beyond recognition. Kiara has somehow managed to create a well in the middle of the subtly spiced couscous without eating any of it too.

Right next to her, Ezekiel raises his eyebrows. Well...you telling them today?

Kiara remembers what she'd confessed to her brother two days ago and sinks a little further in her seat.

She isn't sure why this feels so hard to do. It's not like Castelserraillan is a place that will not accept this...nor like Maman and Baba will throw a fit over it. In fact, her home has attained worldwide fame for being Cordonia's "LGBTQ+ capital" - the first place in Cordonia to publicly celebrate Pride, and the first to have an internationally known queer community and events of all kinds, year round.

Every October, her parents throw themselves headlong into organizing and supporting Pride, getting exhibitions ready, screening films, informing their friends at the press in advance so the events are covered with all the style and pizzazz they'd need for promoting. Every year, they fund more groups and organisations in the duchy, striving to ensure that the queer community in Castel lacks for nothing.

Yet somehow, telling her parents that not only does she find herself attracted to boys and girls, but that she still isn't entirely sure what she should label herself as...somehow the prospect of opening up to them about that is turning this normally-delicious sausage into dust in her mouth.

It had been easy enough with Zeke. It usually is - he accepts just about everything with the same laconic nonchalanance, the kind that makes you wonder if you were the one being melodramatic.

"You're bi?"

"Oui...non...ugh!! Je ne sais pas!" Kiara groaned, throwing her hands in frustration, "Sometimes I think I am...I mean right now I have a crush on that new artist Maman is mentoring..."

"Chantal Bachelet? The cubist?"

"Oui. Her."

"What's there to get confused about! Three months ago it was that stable-boy from the royal palace -"

"He's not a stable-boy. That was for just one summer! Drake lives there!" Kiara hissed, uncomfortable at the warmth creeping up her cheeks again. She was grateful her brother thought this one crush was recent...but it really has been going on for five months and shows no sign of subsiding. Maybe in another five...

"Fine. Whatever. I still don't see why you're so confused."

Kiara pursed her lips in annoyance, too tired and confused to explain herself any further. This isn't what she imagined being bisexual to feel like (not that she'd seriously dwelled on it before). Somewhere she'd imagined it would be a perfect split - that one would likely be attracted an equal amount to both. Yet most of her crushes since age 13 have been boys...and Chantal is the only one so far who has made her rethink things.

They're questions that keep her awake some nights, and make her feel a little bit silly on others. Would calling myself bi make me a fraud? Is it too early to tell either way?

What if I come out, and it turns out I was straight the entire time?

Kiara sighs, trying to make the best of the sausage she'd just mashed to oblivion. It had been far easier to come out to Zeke because he hardly seems to have an opinion on most things. And even if he does - he won't show you one way or the other. There are times she wonders if he deliberately strives to make himself a mere sounding board whenever she wants to hash out things.

Her parents, on the other hand...she suspects they'll follow the revelation up with a hundred questions. Questions she's not entirely sure she has the answers for, yet.

"Kiki," her father begins, his voice warm and gentle. His mouth twists a little in amusement when she frowns at the nickname. "if something is troubling you, you know you can tell us, don't you?"

"Um..." Kiara swallows. "Maman...Baba..." Damn this sudden dryness in her mouth.

Her mother takes a deep breath, trying to follow the advice she's about to give. "Prends ton temps, cherie... don't rush."

And as it always seems to happen since she's turned thirteen, Kiara does the exact opposite of what her mother says. "MamanIthinkI'mbi."

Silence. Confusion.

"Pardon?" Baba says.

Kiara tries, and fails, to clear her throat. She winces as she hears her voice, speaking its truth in the most embarrassing squeak. "I...I think I might be bi...but I'm not sure." She covers her face, cursing the Fates for making this Big, Super Important Moment into such a colossal dud.

"Not sure?" Maman echoes, a frown burrowing lines on the fine skin. Kiara can just see her mother's brain scrambling to pick the right words, her voice tentative and her words unsure. "I don't understand. You are attracted to a girl, I take it, yes?"

Kiara bites her lip, trying to gauge from Maman's face how this conversation will go. "Yes, Maman."

Maman fingers a stray ringlet of hair by her ear, as she often does when she gets a bit confused or agitated. "... shouldn't that settle it then?" She picks a piece of invisible lint on her dress. "I'm sorry - I think I don't entirely get how this works."

Kiara feels a small rush of relief at the words. " I don't know if I really get it either."

"You're young yet," Baba says, his deep voice an oasis of calm rippling around herself and her mother. In another ten minutes they will both wonder why they agonized over this so much. "No one ever knows everything at 15, not even smart young girls fluent in four languages or who can best Auvernese princesses even when they cheat at chess." He chuckles, Zeke hides his giggle behind his hand, and both Maman and Kiara can't resist a tiny smile.

Her parents think she won't notice, but she detects the slightest movement of Baba's hand, presumably covering Maman's. Maman likely places hers over his.

Kiara is half-sure this gesture might prelude a discussion. A discussion involving her. That she may not be a part of.

Yet.

Normally, she would hate that. But today - her own head too muddled and thoughts too scattered to think further without getting a headache - she feels a bit more relaxed.

It would be nice to let her parents do thinking for her once in a while.

By tacit agreement, Kiara's mother and father choose to skip their afternoon siesta, preferring to sit in his study and ruminate over today's revelations with a potful of mint tea.

"I don't see why you're so worried, Joli," Hakim tells his wife, his knuckles absentmindedly brushing over hers. "I mean...you're not against her caring for women, are you?"

Hakim won't lie: there were moments at the dining table today when he wondered whether his daughter's truths made his wife uncomfortable. He's heard about it before - parents and loved ones who will genuinely believe they support queer people, yet struggle when they find them in their own families. He won't deny he's still getting used to Kiara's revelation himself...but over here in Castelserraillan, they always come around. They always work on their discomforts themselves, because they know it's their loved one who needs the most support.

It's just that Joëlle - who usually moves through her life with confidence and pizazz even when she doesn't completely know what she's doing - seemed so unexpectedly unsure of herself.

Hakim steels himself against the possibility. Surely even if Joëlle did feel that way, she'd try to process it in a way that wouldn't hurt Kiki. That much he knows about his wife.

"What! No!" Joëlle bursts out. Hakim lets off a stuttering laugh, feeling ten times lighter. "It's just... I know it's silly, but I'm worried. For her."

Hakim runs a hand lightly, slowly across her hair, running a small curl through his fingers just the way she likes it. "What's there to worry about, bonbonayet albi? She has us."

Joëlle looks him straight in the eye, her own dark and wide-set on a heart-shaped face. "But will that be enough? Are we enough?

His hand stills. "What do you mean?"

"She has us today, yes," Joëlle says, covering his hands with her own. Distractedly her long fingers twist slowly over his wedding ring. "But we don't know what it's like, do we? Even when we host events, we are at best on the outside looking in. Sooner or later she's going to want guidance from those who have gone through it too, won't she, mon bijou?"

Hakim's answering smile is one of slow recognition. "You're saying what our Kiara really needs...is a community. A community of people who may have been where she's been, who might give her the answers we won't always have."

Joëlle rests her head against the crook of his neck, breathing in the spicy-sweet cinnamon scent of his cologne. Suddenly she is not only grateful for this man she married, but this place she married into. Because her mind may be a maze of doubts about a lot of things, but the one pillar of certainty she can cling to is that Castelserraillan is a safe place for children like her daughter. A safe, welcoming, accepting place. "Maybe we should start small. Baby steps."

Hakim nods. They saw Kiara's face at breakfast today - no matter how confused they were now, she had to feel twice as much. Push her into finding answers now and their daughter is bound to shut down.

"I trust you, ghazali. Absolutement."

Joëlle smiles, already feeling optimistic about her daughter's future. "And I you, cheri."

The gallery has never been this packed, Maman had told her just the other day. Kiara's feet feel worn and tired from standing and walking all day, but she's never felt more invigorated. It's been two years since Maman had brought her here, convincing her without much fanfare to volunteer at an art exhibition they run every year during Pride month. She and Baba never told her why, never made it a priority - just put forward the offer and let her choose.

No assumptions, no unnecessary fanfare, no pressure to figure out who she was or what she identified as. In retrospect, Kiara thinks as she approaches a newer, more nervous face, it was the best thing her parents could have done.

They knew they didn't know everything...had no ego acknowledging that fact...and eased her into a community she knew deep inside would accept her but still felt afraid to approach.

"New here?" She asks the new girl, who wraps her shawl around her thin frame tighter, struggling to look Kiara in the eye.

"Yes," the girl says, "Bethany, from Cormery Isle. I'm...here to support a friend."

The brief pause tells Kiara straightaway that Bethany may be hiding a detail or two, but that possibility only makes her own smile grow wider.

When Kiara finally came out as bisexual in public, a year after that suggestion from her mother, it had felt natural - like it was time, like she was ready and felt safe to tell the world who she was. She had agonized over the decision in the months before, wondering if her new friends would turn away from her for lying...whether they would even believe her...whether she was bisexual enough.

But no. People around her embraced that news with the same warmth that they showed when they knew of her as Duke Hakim's straight-ally daughter, not a trace of surprise in their eyes when she told them she wasn't straight after all. And not a single question about whether she really was what she claimed she was - just acceptance and whispered promises to lend an ear if she ever needed to talk. Promises that she took up, figuring out more and more about herself in the process.

She would learn from several of them, much later, that she wasn't the only one.

Kiara doesn't know what the journey of the girl standing before her - 15 just like she was, afraid just like she was - is going to be. Maybe she'll find herself here. Maybe she won't. Maybe she'll discover she's straight, or not. Maybe she'll recognize she's cis, or not. Maybe she'll realize labels were never for her. The possibilities are endless.

All Kiara knows, is that an entire community of people once enfolded her within their wings, gave her time and made her feel safe about exploring what she wanted. And the only reward they would ever ask for, is that you pay that guidance forward.

That's the way Castelserraillan is. That's the duchy her parents are so proud of running, that she and her brother are so proud to call their home.

Kiara calls Mlle Bachelet, the star artist for this year's exhibition, for an introduction (she notes with faint regret, a slight dull pang that she thinks one feels when a crush is over), and grins at how starstruck Bethany looks. I think I'll leave them to it...for now. And come see Bethany later.

Kiara walks away from the two, footsteps light as air. As she passes paintings and portraits chronicling journeys as vast and diverse as Cordonia itself, charting personal and communal histories, she can't help but remember a line she's heard from the grandmothers in both sides of her family. It takes a village to raise a child.

Smiling, she wraps her arms around herself. Safe in the arms of a community that quietly let her blossom, secure in the promise, that they trust her to do that for so, so many more people.

Notes:

French:

Ma fée - "my fairy" in French.

Oui...non...ugh! Je ne sais pas! - Yes...no...ugh! I don't know!

Prends ton temps - Take your time

Pardon (in this context) - Excuse me

Mon bijou - My jewel

Darija/Arabic:

Bonbonayet albi - my heart's bonbon sweet (an endearment)

Ghazali - literally means deer, can be used as an endearment for a female loved one.

A/N2: One of my earliest HCs about Castelserraillan, after TRR3, was that Castelserraillan which was a hot-seat of culture, had one of the most chill Duke and Duchess in Cordonia leading it, would have a vibrant LGBTQ community and culture. I tried to incorporate that into this fic.

#kiara theron #kiaratheronappreciationweek #KTAW #the royal romance #the royal heir #the royal finale #KTAW Day 6 #KTAW Day 6: Castelserraillan #lizzybeth1986 #content: fanfic

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https-chaos · 11 months

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I just got into a huge fight with my mom because she's pushing the hell out of me to bring her to pride and there are so many reasons I will not be doing that but it really boils down to 4 things:

1. Pride isn't safe this year. It's an anti-cop protest at its core, and it's in a big city in a year where there's a lot of hate and violence against the queer community. Not only do I not want my family to be unsafe in the case of violence from extremists or police, but I don't think people who don't believe in ACAB should go to an anti-police protest. She has a few local cop friends and genuinely believes all police want is to help people because those 3 small town cops in their 50s don't seem THAT racist or homophobic.

2. She makes a lot of lowkey homophobic comments along the lines of "I don't hate gay people at all, I just don't want to see them kiss. But I don't want to see straight people kiss either!" But she only brings it up when she sees a gay couple kiss. Never when there's a 3 minute straight sex scene in a movie, only when there's a 30 second gay kiss. She has also told me about a hundred times that she "could see me marrying a man one day" because she thinks if I find a feminine enough man I'll stop being a lesbian. Specifically I believe her ideal situation for me would be a lavender marriage with a gay man. You know, like it's the 60s? She also has an incredibly childish outlook on life and often quotes Horton hears a who and says "a person is a person" but her actions don't back up that innocent facade at all.

3. I don't think she would be able to keep her mouth shut about the kink, leather, men in thongs, people kissing and groping, people on leashes, people in fur suits, etc. When I brought this up she literally said it was just like Mardi Gras; she doesn't approve of people taking their shirts off and she thinks anyone who does anything she considers 'weird' is asking to be gawked at. She said if she saw a man in a thong she would go 😧, like she made that exact face. When I told her she can't do that because if a man wears a thong to pride he's looking for attention from other gay men, not shock from 55 year old straight women, she said I was too naive to understand. I told her that not only can she not make a face, a side eye, or a comment to anything she sees at pride, but that she also couldn't talk about it on the way home, at home, or ever. If you go to pride you know what you're gonna see and I don't wanna hear her disgust.

4. Even if she could keep her mouth shut about the kink, and she for some reason wanted to go somewhere that would make her uncomfortable on purpose, I don't understand why she would want to go with me when I was very clear that I will be talking to women, going to a lesbian bar after, and might even (gasp) kiss someone I don't know. I told her she wouldn't have taken my grandma to a bar while she looked for a boyfriend, because having your mother with you is kind of a deterrent to talking to people your own age. By my age she was married with a kid. I have no local friends, at all, and I would like to change that at pride. Going to the parade, standing silently to watch with my mom, not acting proud at all for fear of being shamed by her, and then immediately going home isn't going to help me make queer friends.

I guess I don't really have a specific point to all of this, I'm just so confused about why she is so desperate for me to never be in a situation where I might make a friend or even meet someone I could love. I live in her house. She sees how desperately lonely I am. She sees how badly I want to have a friend, or a girlfriend, or literally anyone except her and my sister and my dad. I don't understand why she takes every opportunity to preach her weird childish nonsense. Everyone should just hold hands and love each other, love is love, a person's a person, but please don't talk about politics or anything scary or negative because she can't take it. I don't understand her aversion to pda and I don't understand why she feels the need to pester me about it. I don't understand what she doesn't understand about the fact that I grew up terrified to tell her anything, to the point where she thinks I had an incredibly happy childhood. I can't afford to leave this house, and how does she not realize that if she had given me the support I needed in school and allowed me to be medicated maybe I could have gone to college and made something of myself? How does she think none of this is her fault? I'm going to be 27 in a couple days and between her and the man that beat my confidence into the ground for the last five years, I'm almost too traumatized to even leave the house. I don't know what to tell her that'll get it into her head that her barely adequate tolerance of my lesbianism doesn't automatically mean I want her at pride.

#im hurting #pride #long rant #homophobia

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flying-elliska · 2 years

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Idk if this’ll be worded correctly but I was reading that posted you reblogged about gender expression in clothing but also just people saying a person is queer baiting because of xyz. And here’s my thing as a person who’s ace spectrum and generally confused by many things 😂 while I do find it funny when people point out certain things like cuffed pants or just any random style choice and are like ok they’re bi, at the same time in general I find it quite strange that people in the community will then see other people who they don’t know and just because of the way they dress they’ll be like yeah so they must be gay. Idk how you feel about this but to me it’s like ok so people will get bullied for this sort of thing when they’re younger and I can’t help but compare that they’re saying a lot of the same things that these homophobic bullies would say. Context tho is EVERYTHING so someone saying that in terms of what they think their sexuality is can be harmless but it gets a bit weird to me when they become insistent on it. Maybe it’s cause I’m ace and I dress however the f I want but anybody seeing how I dress wouldn’t be able to guess that hey I don’t really want to fuck anybody 🤣 so I feel weird about it even tho I know maybe it’s harmless in most respects. But I feel like it’s a bit much when people are saying, an example, Shawn Mendes MUST be gay because of xyz. When he’s said he’s not and no one would really know. Unless they fully caught him balls deep in someone who didn’t identify as female and even then he could still be bi/pan/ any other sexuality! It’s like unless your that person why is it your business 😭 Sorry this got so long I just wanted to know your thoughts because you always have very insightful things to say lol

😂😂😂 great comedic wording anon

My take on this :

there's a historical aspect to this : when queerness was forbidden/reprimanded, queer ppl needed signals to find each other without alerting straight ppl necessarily, a sort of secret code. Still todat it makes finding each other easier. It's a signal. So yes for ace ppl it might be less useful in some ways, but also cool in order to find kindred spirits ? Idk

Queer culture, often tied with gender non-conformity, favorised the adoption of non-mainstream, subversive ways of presenting, dressing - often a way to rebel against an oppressive mainstream and express themselves - with their own fads and trends which then were recognized as "queer styles". A lot of those are about going beyond traditional beauty/desirability standards. There is a lot of history and pride in some of those and I understand why ppl would want to continue these traditions and feel connected to the wider queer community and its history. For groups that have traditionally been less visible, like bi ppl, I get why there is a hunger to create those codes even if it's a bit artificial at times.

Sociologically speaking it's common for subcultures to have their codes of appearance to distinguish themselves and bond over shared identity ; this has been fading somewhat as queerness becomes more mainstream in some places

Personally I think those things can be fun and cute when they're optional and you can be creative about it. It annoys me when people take them too seriously or judge ppl who don't look queer enough, or try to police who can or can't wear certain things like discussed in that post. The ideal is indeed, anyone can wear whatever the fuck they want (cultural appropriation and other offensive shit aside) so that means some people want to be more discrete and some ppl want to wear signals, and some ppl want to experiment - should all be possible !

I think a lot of people are uncomfortable with the fact that gender and sexuality can be fluid and blurry at the edges and so is gender presentation and they would rather keep ppl in boxes. And the queer version of this is that "men can't wear dresses unless they're outspoken about being queer" bullshit

And finally I think it's normal that people look for queer role models/icons etc and speculate a little w their friends when they recognize relatable things, but modern online celebrity culture has made some people deranged re:boundaries and how far they think it's acceptable to dig into ppl's private lives and that sucks. And the idea that they're entitled to total transparency from ppl they don't even know about this is some creepy as hell totalitarian surveillance culture bullshit and I do not vibe with it. It makes life hell for anyone figuring out their sexuality while in the public eye, esp later in life, and especially bi ppl, so I think it's also distinctly biphobic.

Anyway yeah I think overall I agree with you ! But also the way you dress can be a language so that can be fun to express things with and have shared codes and subvert heteronormativity/the male gaze/figure out new more expansive ways to be seductive and embodying your ideal gender/vibe etc etc ! But it should never be mandatory

#queer culture #bisexuality

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saraa-lancee · 2 years

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So your issue with certain people trying to ban kink at pride is that they in turn are being told that they shouldn’t come. The problem isn’t that they’re forgetting queer history and trying to erase the people who fought for their rights. The problem isn’t that they’re using the same moral panic arguments that conservatives use, the same arguments that have a direct line to drag queens being threatened at shows. The problem isn’t that queer people are trying to tell other queers how to be queer, to fit into heteronormative expectations. The problem is that people who are trying to exclude people from pride are being excluded themselves.

Love you agressive this tone is for us, probably proving the point of my original post even better!! I'm obviously a bootlicker and piece of slime because I think we should listen to diverse queer voices!

So yes, my problem is with "have absolutely no boundaries!" If I ever see you at a resturant, im gonna go over and start taking shit from your plate with my bare, unwashed hands.

I actually fall the other way, or more in the middle-- like, kink spaces should be there but more controlled? I have a whole thing, but I think that's a separate post? This also. Wasn't exclusively a kink post but go off. I hate kink discourse and never get into it because of how fucking nasty yall are about it.

This post was also about disabled queers, poor queers, rural queers, etc. But yall always love to make it about you and your right to do sex shit in public. Like, leather, whatever. The buttplug float is apparently supposed to make nobody ever uncomfortable. I'm a prude for not wanting to see it. (Even though... nevermind)

I do feel like you've entirely put tons of words in my mouth. Yall really see "maybe we should consider restricting this" and jump to "SO yOu hATe quEErs yoU CoNsERvatIvE FucKer"And I really don't think you actually listen to what some people are saying, based on the cocky "oh, so you don't think this is a problem" attitude you really came at me with here. This is why I never make posts about anything 🙃. People always put words in your mouth and intentionally go out of their way to misunderstand me.

Also, if you feel like someone asking you not to flash your butt plug, walk someone like a dog, flog someone, or walk around with a strap on is "policing your queerness", or being a conservative lapdog, or erasing your sexuality is... definitely bizarre.

Like, I really shouldn't have to provide a list of kinks and shit to avoid being slandered like this lmao. It's a little weird you're apparently so invested in my sex life. Guess I'm not queer enough for you huh?

Fitting into heteronormative expectations? Like, most people are just nicely asking you to adhere to common social standards but okay.

But I mean the post was mainly centered on how someone will be like "hey, I'm ace, can we maybe have a kink-free space?" And people are practically always like "then don't come", very very frequently followed up with "you don't belong here anyway." (Not just ace people, but someone of any sexual identity can say this and people will legitimately respond with stuff along the line of 'i guess you're not really queer'or 'Then you're not gay enough for pride').

or the solid "a dildo was literally thrown at my child, can we not do this here" met with the confusing "Well, if you don't want that happen don't bring kids to pride" (confusing because it... contradicts nearly anything but okay).

Or the very solid "hey, I was raped/sexually abused and seeing some of these kinky things can be upsetting to me" same thing-- you don't belong here.

The average person is being told to fuck off for what?

Like, the do-or-die kink defenders are literally at a point where anyone who doth say anything against kink means they don't belong in the community. And they act all high and mighty about it too. You clearly took the moral high ground because apparently I hate drag queens and want queer people to die because I'm saying maybe some things shouldn't be done in the middle of the street. I will fuck your mom in the middle of the street.

And tbh, I don't necessarily understand how someone saying they don't want kink in a public space (as in from the completely ban it perspective) is 'appealing to heteronormativity' or whatever. Especially because, because, wait for it-- many many straight people are also into kink!!!!!!! If you really think being queer gives you the right to do whatever kink shit in public... you might need therapy. I'm also just like. Kink isn't like, an integral part to a queer identity? If you believe that then yes, you are actively excluding thousands, if not more, from the community. And yes, I do in fact have a problem with that.

I just think its very interesting how kink in public is okay in the context of pride and pride spaces, but not any other time or place. I am slightly into the kink community myself (sorry for the tmi yall) and a pretty big thing that I've noticed is any kinky behavior is not really okay in public because random people haven't consented to it and minors are almost definitely going to be there. Not to mention the inevitability that someones going to whip out their phone and film it and post it all over social media, which is probably not consented to, is a huge thing, and will permanantly alter your life! Like the shit some of the super hard kink arguers literally advocate for goes against main tenants of kink, unless apparently queer people are involved. Yall realize this is bizarre right?

Also that we as a community are silmetanously running social campaigns of "I should be able to do whatever I want" and "pride is a wonderful place for everyone! Everyone of every identity is welcome! Please bring your kids!". Its an interesting dichotomy and I'm honestly struggling a lot with it. Because clearly *everybody* is not welcome.

I'm not saying we can't have explicit sex (beyond sexuality) and kink to a degree at pride, but the people who seem always to be the most "die on the hill" about it always respond to anything with 'Then get the fuck out' which. Isn't fair or kind, you know? My post was mainly criticizing the way people who staunchly support it act tbh. Hey, look, ITS YOU ANON!

Also, please don't fucking come at me accusing me of supporting republican shit and supporting inciting moral panic. Dont accuse me of not knowing queer history. I will fuck your mom with a squid arm dildo. It's kinda clear based on some of the shit you listed and the way you act that you might just be the type of person I hate.

#this post wasnt even entirely about kink but the weird ones love to use every post and an excuse to exclude people #anyway #on mobile so sorry for typos/formatting #asks #rambling

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absolutebl · 3 years

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This Week In BL

May 2021 Part 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Second Chance Ep 6 fin - Chris & Jeno were TOO CUTE we got ALL the tropes: parental passing on the torch of care (a rare one), hair drying, hair touching, the prom with everyone was in adorable suits (Tang Yi approves), GOOD kisses, confessions galore, boop (+ bonus pool boop), tumblr now thinks they’re lesbians (new trope I’ve just decided on), claiming, rooftop assignation. Conclusion? This is one of the best BL pulps I’ve seen in a really long time. We are PLEASED!

Y-Destiny Ep 7 - a pretty classic take on the “reformed player/rake” romance trope plus a ton of BL visuals like back hug, messy eater, rooftop assignation, and pillow clutch (a Cheewin signature). Cheewin sure knows his tropes (he should, he started a lot of them and his YYY Special is nothing but a trope parody pastiche, it’s Absolute BL before Absolute BL and A LOT weirder).

Lovely Writer Ep 11 - The casting closet has come to play. I really like that LW is taking the industry and fans to task. It’s hard to watch sometimes, but it SHOULD be a little squirmy and uncomfortable. This was an excellent Episode 11 and we all suffered for it. I hope they can resolve it well in the finale. They’ve done great work so far, I trust them.

Close Friend Ep 3: (Willing or Not) - sports kinda romance, it was cute because MaxNat are cute together, but it reminded me a lot of their arc in Why R U, which is to say, short and somewhat forgettable.

Fish Upon The Sky Ep 5 - am I over this? I think I might be over it. Not into the punching down humor in terms of femme or Sikhs, I don’t like Pi, and found myself fast-forwarding through most of this ep. Mostly I only watch when Mork is on screen. I wanna know why Mork likes Pi so much, but that’s all I’m interested in. Tons of tropes but I’m not even motivated to screen cap, which is saying something. Look, the characters pretty much lack motivation and so I’m losing sympathy.

Nitiman Ep 1 - oh I like it. This is the standard Thai BL delicious trash I know and love. 2 Moons university setting pastiche, check! Engineering students = gay, check! Instant hate vrs instant love, check! Seme vrs tsundere uke, check! Plus the side dishes are tasty. I’m disposed to be pleased, especially as Fish is disappointing. Sadly they insisted on singing, but you can’t have everything.

Love Area Ep 1 - I’m not holding this post just for one BL that I’m not sure if I’ll be able to find tomorrow, so I’ll let you know how it is next week.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korea) Ep 7-8 fin - so flipping cute, their little smiles, just GAH. Bit of a dead fish kiss but I don’t care because I loved this tiny show full of soft bois and no one saying anything directly (except our man with the poetry, I hope he finds his true love). Adorable.

Papa & Daddy (Taiwan) Ep 3 - HOW IS THIS SHOW SO WHOLESOME? This is possibly the cutest thing on air right now (and I don’t actually like children). Just GAH! The actual Taipei pride footage. I didn’t even mind all the product placement (I happen to like that bubbly myself). It’s just so cute. Everyone should be watching this. It will make you feel so good and happy. Not gonna lie, this ep is ALL about queer found family and I might have ugly cried over the teddy bear at the end - in a good way. *** Quick note because I think it’s super important: in 2020 Taiwan Pride was called March for the World. Why? Because Taiwan managed to control C19 better than any other country, they were the only country able to hold pride safely, so they did it for all of us. I don’t feel like they got enough recognition for this.

Word of Honor (China) Ep 34-36 fin - In the end, WoH turned out to be a morality tale about the superiority of agrarian society over semi-nomadic tribes combined with a message about enduring love profoundly undermined by Chinese censorship. It’s like this amazing meal. I ate my fill, and enjoyed every bite, but had a bit too much, and now I have heart burn. Am I upset about the ending? Sure am. Good for them for manipulating my emotions! Was this a great drama? Yes. Did I expect this from China? Sure did. Do i feel betrayed anyway? Sure do. I guess these things are going to have to coexist in my psyche. Along with heart burn. Here have the actual-not-really-epilogue-ending. It's wafer thin. I’m putting this one to bed. I feel like I’ve said my piece and I want to move on from 36 courses of pretty men in pretty robes full of pretty innuendoes and deadly peanuts. I’ll miss the big fuck off white fan, tho.

My Lascivious Boss (Vietnam) Ep 5 - still very much enjoying it, the secret identity lies are beginning to unravel, tension is increasing. I don’t see how they can resolve this in just one episode tho, so this series might go longer than 6 episodes (rare for Vietnam).

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 8 - I demand Boxiang & Zhigang (repping for the healthy LTR and marriage equality) show up in every HIStory installment henceforth. This was a cute ep, lots of good communication & tropes. Still not sure how I feel about the stepbrothers, but can’t complain about their chemistry (waves at TharnType). Speaking of, how awesome that Yongjie caught the man he always wanted, that man is a SUPER bossy bottom, and Yongjie is like ...

Gossip

Crazy rumor that Singto has a new BL in the works (totally unsubstantiated). It’s Still Just Us (frankly, the biggest strike against this being true is how grammatically correct the title is).

Vietnam is messing with our heads and hearts by putting the leads from Nation’s Brother and Most Peaceful Place together into a delightful little love triangle of... something or other. Honestly, I’ve no idea what this is. The actors playing around? A new series? An advertisement? What?

Breaking News

Mandee (of Why R U fame) dropped a “mini intro” for something that they’re calling Bed Friend series. HI BEER! But I thought these two (James & Net) were the side dishes for Middle Love AKA Middleman's Love. I am so confused. (Get your titles together Thailand, no one wants you going down the Taiwanese rabbit hole, mm’kay?)

Taiwan would call it: Middleman’s Middle Love: Bed Friend.

Top Secret Together got a full trailer with subs. I’m kinda over ensemble pulp pieces (like Close Friend, Bothers, Y-Destiny) but the presence of Newyear makes this one I’m still going to watch. It starts this Friday on Line TV.

Cutie Pie the series got a teaser (fundraising trailer). Arranged marriage, home/office set, Thai BL staring Zee? Sign me tf up! I am so excited, I hope they can make this happen. Deets here. (Thanks @heretherebedork for the tip.)

Next Week Looks Like This:

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International accessibility reasons.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

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chooseyouovereveryone · 3 years

Text

10 Years Of Songbird: Brittana Fan Project

Hello my fellow Brittana lovers!

First of all, happy 10 years to the iconic Glee episode that is Rumours and the beautifully moving performance that is Songbird. Such a pivotal part in Brittana's story, and one that will forever be ingrained in my mind. Naya's voice still gives me goosebumps and reduces me to tears on that performance, paired with Heather's genuine tearful reaction.

Second of all, this is up slightly later than planned so apologies for that, but Tumblr glitched on me big time and I had to repost this all again which considering I had a draft built up for days, was rather inconvenient, but we’re here now and hopefully it was worth the wait!

Putting this project together has brought me so much joy in revisiting my favourite ship. I don't think I will ever tire of reading about them, and hearing from others why they love them so much and how this ship resonated with them.

For me, Brittany and Santana were the first positive representation I saw of a WLW relationship. I was shook to the core watching their story unfold, in how much it mirrored what was going on in my own life with my own denial and with my own relationship. I found myself clinging to that storyline like an anchor, as if it was going to give me the answers to my own story. Throughout all the confusion I had in my own coming out and realisation that I was a lesbian, the storyline gave me hope that one day, everything would be okay. Watching them go from confused and conflicted best friends to wives gave me so much hope for the future, and now as a 27 year old out and proud gay woman, I still look at this storyline with the same love-filled eyes.

Even as Glee ended and I stepped away from the fandom, Brittana have always been a huge part of my life, always there in the background, always my comfort storyline to turn to and rewatch a bunch of times. But losing Naya last year really brought me back to the fandom and the community and reminded me why I loved them so much.

I think what I love most of all about this ship is how organic it was. It came from the fans, and from Naya and Heather encouraging the writers to take it seriously. Because of this, I also wanted to add in some little touches of Heya, and include quotes from Naya and Heather talking about their fave scenes.

I'll forever be indebted to this storyline in what felt like a really hard and confusing time in my teenage years.

So thank you Naya

Thank you Heather.

& thank you so much to all of you for taking part.

Also a huge shoutout once again to @hopefulobjectmiracle for letting me use her idea and for providing help along the way. She came up with the concept for this project with Klaine, and I wanted to create a Brittana version, but I'd strongly recommend checking out her Klaine one if you haven't already.

I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoyed putting it together :)

Brittany & Santana Talk To Holly Holliday About Their Feelings- 2x15, “Sexy”

Choosing a favorite scene is hard so I'll choose one of my favorite lines: in the episode Sexy when Santana and Brittany first talk to Holly about their sexuality, Britt says "I don't know how I feel because Santana refuses to talk about it".

I love this line because most people would play it off as Brittany being a simpleton, but that's not the case. Brittany is saying she doesn't know if she's allowed to like Santana as more than her best friend. She doesn't know if it's right. Because if Santana isn't in to girls then Brittany could be crossing a line, a line where she could possibly be making Santana uncomfortable. Brittany obviously knows how she feels about Santana but she wants to make sure Santana feels for her in the same way before admitting to it, as not to ruin what they already have.

-@neversatisfiedwithlife

Landslide- 2x15, “Sexy”

It was incredibly difficult for me to choose my favorite Brittana scene. There are so many that I love and find important to me...some of these moments were even literally life-altering. Before Brittana, for example, I didn't know that girls could be gay, and I had no idea that what I felt for some of my female friends was anything other than platonic. I'm sure I would have realized I was queer eventually, but this ship and the fandom that I found myself in made the process so much easier for me. But I digress :)

I eventually narrowed it down to four choices—Landslide, Songbird, the Heart Locker Scene in New York, and Cherish/Cherish in Heart, and out of these I've decided to single out Landslide as my numero uno, as it was this very scene that started my decade-long love affair with this ship :)

There are so many things that I love about this scene. Earlier in the show we see Brittany attempt to talk about their relationship knowing that they were more than just best-friends-with-benefits, but Santana would instantly close herself off. Still, Brittany pressed on, determined to understand what they had become, while Santana began to realize that what they had—what they could become—was worth letting herself be vulnerable, worth the risk of getting herself hurt. The fact that Landslide was the product of this early struggle gives it so much meaning ;u;

The scene itself has all these details that make my heart ache in the best way possible...the way they look at each other throughout the song, Santana's eyes a myriad of emotions, full of sadness, confusion, conflict, longing, Britt's eyes filled with concern knowing how much it's taking her best friend to be so vulnerable, then the pride that shines through when she looks at Santana after the performance; the way that Santana's voice breaks singing "and I'm getting older, too"; when she stands afterwards and goes over to Brittany, and Britt opens her arms to hold Santana instantly like it's a reflex; the way that they fit against each other so perfectly, like they were made to be in each other's arms...even the visual composition of the scene was perfect ToT That instant of them hugging each other is a study in contrasts with the way Britt's flaxen hair shines against Santana's night-dark head, and with the way Santana's soft white blouse contrasts against Brittany's deep blue denim top ;u; It's gorgeous.

-@randomcanbian

My fav Brittana scene is when they sing landslide together, because it was one of the first times we got to Santana be so vulnerable

-@snowpickles

What is a landslide? Simply put, it’s defined as a collapse of a mass of earth or rock from a mountain or cliff. That’s the perfect way to describe the rocky relationship between Santana and Brittany in S2, and it‘s exactly why their performance of the infamous Fleetwood Mac song of the same name (Sexy; 2x15) is such a pivotal moment in time in for them.

Santana showed a side of herself to her friends, but most importantly to Brittany, that many would deem her incapable of ever doing. For that moment she allowed that brick wall she always had built up around her for protection to come slowly crumbling down. And the best part? She allowed that — wanted that — to happen. She needed to bare her soul to the person she loved most, but she wasn‘t sure how or when, or if she ever could.

Seeing Santana put her heart on her sleeve and confess her feelings of love and admiration for Brittany through song — finally — is one of the highlights of the entire series for me. We see her trap herself within a new world for a few minutes, one that contains only the two of them through her eyes, and let her emotions do the talking. Brittany understood everything without a single word being spoken to her. Santana hadn’t opened up to anyone at this point about how she felt, not even to herself, but so much was understood between them without saying nothing at all. My favorite spoken line is Brittany‘s, „Is that really how you feel?“

As a viewer, it was such an infamous moment because we now get to cheer for them. We see that they are on the same page with one another, that through it all, their attraction and desire for one another never wavered. They wouldn’t be a a couple for quite a bit more time, but they both now understood what we as viewers saw all along. Santana stopped denying her sexuality; she stopped denying what Brittany meant to herself. She still had a lot to sort out and wasn’t ready to free herself from the constraints of her sexuality, but she made the biggest move: allowing Brittany on the other side of that wall with her.

This performance let to the scene we grew to love known as the Hurt Locker, which is the scene that made the Brittana fandom sing praise to the high heavens. Santana felt like she could finally confess her feelings to Brittany. She was terrified, but she somehow found the courage within herself to stop closing the door on opportunities. So, I‘m thankful for Holly Holiday for being the person that Santana and Brittany felt comfortable enough to go to, and I‘m thankful for her willingness to perform with them, because it gave us much more than a song — it gave us hope. It gave us validation. It gave us Brittana.

-@TheWednesdayProject on Reddit

Hurt Locker-2x15, “Sexy”

"A lot of people have said that scene gave them courage to come out to their parents and their friends and their loved ones, so I think that it's something that's very important, and I hope that we handled it responsibly which I think that we did"- Naya (PaleyFest 2012)

Hurt Locker is my fave scene - just Santana finally coming to feel and admit the truth within. I've probably watched it a thousand times and I'll never get sick of it. The expressions and unspoken acting Naya and Heather put into it give me all the feels!

-@chasingseals

Okay so my favorite Brittana scene is probably the scene where Santana express her feelings for Brittany during “sexy” and says she’s afraid to be with Brittany because of the talks and the way people are gonna stare and that she wasn’t even afraid to what people would say to her face but to what people would say behind her back.

And that’s because I feel the same way. I’m not a lesbian, I’m bisexual, but at the moment I have a girlfriend and I am so afraid to come out to even the rest of my family (apart from my parents and sister) because I always hear them talking about these girls with names such as “dyke” or something, and it was good to see on tv someone with the same fears and it is so good to see that they had a happy ending and got married and that all this started when they decided “not to care” about everybody else’s opinions and be themselves and be happy.

-@wankybjtch

It’s so, so strange to do this without Naya, but here we are, and she and Heather made this all so beautiful. When I tried to answer this question about my favorite scene, I went first to Songbird - Naya has one of my favorite voices in this whole world - and then to Landslide, and then to Me Against the Music, and all those answers seemed really good. Brittany and Santana spoke to each other so much through music - voices and words and touch - and Heather and Naya gave themselves to their characters so much - and Naya to song so much, and Heather to dance - that they would disappear into Brittana, and would just seem like they were love, made visible. Brittana is love always seems like such a true thing to say, to me. But while what occurred to me first were three songs, I realized that my favorite scene - the one that hit me the hardest - will probably always be the Hurt Locker.

Naya was just so shining there, Santana so full of love and this terrible ache and this more terrible hope, all for Brittany, that you could see Heather glowing back, though so much more quietly. It was an absolutely tremendous thing to see a full-on love scene playing out in the middle of a crowded hallway. Naya and Heather were so beautiful together, as friends and as actresses and as onscreen lovers, and after seeing that scene for the first time, I cried every day for a week, always at these quiet, unexpected times. The love and the hurt and the fear and the hope were so raw in Santana - both in Naya’s performance and in the beautiful script - that it brought everything back about the confusion of starting out with that Oh, god. I am never, never going to be like everyone else. I love her way, way too much. But somehow, the scene made my whole world feel safer. I could see myself, and others could see me. There we were on the screen, worthy and beautiful. <3 Tess

-@venuscomb

Songbird- 2x19, “Rumours”

"I really enjoyed watching Naya sing Songbird. That's ingrained in my head, that time where I sat in the choir room and listened to her sing Songbird, because her voice is just of another world. It's always been my favorite. I will never forget that."- Heather (Entertainment Weekly 2021)

My favorite moment is Santana singing Songbird to Brittany because that is an all time classic romantic song, and Santana (Naya) sings it beautifully, and Brittany just sits there mesmerized. Plus I love what they are wearing, and how they look. i think it's signifcant that Santana sang her love for her here in the choir room, and it's where they had many of their big moments - first together, the break-up song, the flowers in 5, the proposal.

-@1908jmd

My fav scene is 100% Songbird. It’s always been my favourite song and to see it applied to a wlw relationship changed my life a lot because it made me realise that it could be me one day. Santana was always my favourite character too, so to see someone that i appreciated a lot come to terms with their sexuality made me really happy

-@illegally-luthor

My first fav scene out of two is Songbird of course because seeing Santana pouring her heart out to Britt is just the most beautiful thing ever. She was scared to accept who she really was and when it comes to her love for Brittany she’s not scared anymore because loving her is the easiest thing to do. Plus, seeing how Britt reacted was so beautiful. She knew Santana was scared and she was proud of how she confessed her love, through a song, because she knew Santana wasn’t good with words.

-@chloesnix2b

Heart Locker- 2x22, “New York”

My favorite Brittana scene is after Nationals in 2x22 by the lockers.

What I love most about this scene is Brittanys tell it how it is attitude. When Santana said that it clearly wasn’t about winning for her, Brittany looked right through her bullshit, knowing that Santana was getting defensive, because Santana knew what this year was really about for Brittany (and herself too of course), she just didn’t want to admit to it.

You can clearly see that Santana is still scared and hiding and that she still feels like she’s is going to lose Brittany any moment. But Brittany reassures her, tells her how much she loves Santana and makes her feel safe.

My favorite Brittany is always when she’s finally allowed to have feelings and say something. Often the writers didn’t give her anything to do or just made her a caricature of a person. But when she was allowed to express herself, it was in her truest, most vulnerable form. Due to writing, Brittana often seemed one sided, but it’s moments like these that show us how much Brittany loves Santana and how much she wants only the best for her.

For me, the scene felt like the real beginning. They have been taking baby steps before, treading the water. But now Brittany dove right in and her boldness made Santana follow her :)

"What about you and I?", "I love you Santana, I love you more than I‘ve ever loved anyone else in this world. All I know about you and I is that, because of that, I think anything is possible."

-@bolintheturtleduck

I absolutely love every scene that they’re in together, but my favorite is the one where Brittany and Santana are standing outside of the lockers, talking about the glee club. i feel like it showed a lot about Santana’s character at the time and it really inspired me.

-@hoodiestring

Officially Dating - 3x04, “Pot O' Gold”

Their first official date at Breadstix!

Santana and Brittany sitting in the warm lighting of their favourite restaurant in the almost comfortable awkwardness of their tender baby relationship melted something in my baby lesbian heart.

They're teenaged best friends who fell in love and this scene is just so fluffy and cozy and perfectly reflects their dynamic - they're so obviously head over heels for each other and everything about their relationship feels new and electric and full of possibility, but they've also been love each other forever. Santana's eyes lighting up at Britt holding her hand and Britt being so purely herself and everything about the scene just screams home to me and is the moment the show really became about them to me.

-@grassberry639

One of my favorite scenes is the Breadstix scene with the holding hand under a napkin because I could completely relate to it when I was dating girls that was still not yet 100% ready to come out.

-@charisadrastea

Rumour Has It/Someone Like You- 3x06, “Mash Off”

My other favorite is the Rumour Has It/Someone Like You scene because the performance was so beautiful and haunting.

-@charisadrastea

For me, it was the Adele Mashup (specifically the longing looks exchanged during it). I watched that scene over and over again when I was a kid because I felt like it did a great job of truly encapsulating what it's like to have feelings that you desperately want to pursue but can't do to your surroundings. The whole thing really stuck with me.

Naya's performance felt so genuine and, throughout that entire song, you could really feel what Santana was going through as a closeted lesbian who was terrified of losing everything. And the fact that Brittany was so close during the whole performance and, yet, instead of her singing one of the lead parts with her, they just exchange looks. I just thought it did a great job of expressing a trapped feeling.

-@aaverageperson

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face- 3x10, “Yes/No”

My favourite Brittana scene would be the small flashback when the girls are singing The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.

Santana sees Brittany’s face for the first time and she melts.

Their smiles are so soft and I love the instant connection they both have.

-@mostlygleethoughts

My favourite Brittana moment happens when Santana is singing, The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face. She sings the line, “I felt your heart so close to mine,” while a flashback of her and Brittany in the locker room plays. I get teary-eyed whenever I watch this scene. The love between them is so beautiful, and it’s so refreshing to see genuine sapphic love portrayed on screen.

-@sapphicbrittana

Cherish/Cherish- 3x13, “Heart”

It took me so long to decide on what my favorite Brittana scene is but i ultimately decided on the scene at the end of Heart. It’s just such a sweet moment for them. They are openly going on a date and even kiss in front of other people without caring about what anyone might say. They have come so far from the beginning of their relationship and it is just lovely to see them be so happy with each other.

-@sugarcarnation

Ok so my second favorite scene is in 3x13 when Santana asked the god squad to sing a song for Britt. So the scene at Breadstick at the end and the kiss they shared after Cherish/Cherish is just beautiful. Seeing Santana being so proud to call Brittany her girlfriend and singing her song for her is everything to me. Also Britt’s reaction was too cute. The love in her eyes when Joe told them the god squad was going to perform for her is the cutest thing ever. The kiss they shared at the end of the song was so passionate and it gives me butterflies every time I see the scene. It was also the first Brittana kiss we saw onscreen.

-@chloesnix2b

I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)- 3x17, “Dance With Somebody”

"Watching Heather dance is fun in this number, I never get tired of watching her dance."- Naya (BTS Dance With Somebody)

"They put us in twinzies outfits. We've been singing to each other like crazies"- Heather (BTS Dance With Somebody)

My favourite Brittana scene would have to be dance with somebody (the song). I love how happy they both are and how much fun they’re having together!!! The context is romantic, but they’re also having fun as best friends, which is the root of their relationship. I just think it’s really sweet and I’m a sucker for happy pretty ladies dancing around and making each other ridiculously happy. That’s all!!!

-@kurtanaaa

Tongue Tied- 3x21, “Nationals”

Q: What’s your favourite Brittana moment? A: The slow motion celebration smooch when we won Nationals

-Naya (Twitter Q&A 2012)

Mine- 4x04, “The Break Up”

It might seem strange, to choose a breakup scene for a couple's best. It's a scene that broke thousands of hearts and continues to make us cry, even after having seen the whole journey unfold and even after knowing that Brittana will, in the end, be okay. But to me, it's a scene that encapsulates much of what I love about these two and what they mean to each other. "Sophomore year, I used to sit in this back row and secretly watch you. I counted the number of times you'd smile at me, and I'd die on days that you didn't." Half the reason why I chose this scene is this quote. The sheer power of it still shakes me whenever I hear Santana utter these words. The sincerity behind them makes me stop and truly consider what it is she’s saying. It’s a summary of their journey so far. It’s a moment of incredible vulnerability, the confession of a girl who fell in love with her best friend and was terrified of the consequences of that love. Not as much as she was terrified of what it would mean to not be loved back, though.

But Brittany loves Santana with the same passion, even if it manifests differently. It’s why she holds on as long as she can and why it’s even harder for Santana to face their issues. Because you see, I understand that many dislike the reasoning behind their breakup and that it only happened here because everyone else was doing it. But there’s something so deeply caring about the way they consciously make the decision not to hurt each other by leaving themselves in this in-between state of long-distance relationships. Something so genuine about the way they say they would never cheat on each other but also something so mature in realizing that they can’t be what the other needs right now. That, to me, displays such a pure form of love. As pure as catching glances and counting smiles in the back row. As pure as words of encouragement and saying to someone: I'm yours.

Even though they were already inseparable in sophomore year, Brittany smiling at Santana during Glee practice is an intimate moment that meant everything to her. And even though it hurts, Santana letting go of Brittany before they can even think of hurting each other is such a deep declaration of love. What makes it bittersweet yet hopeful instead of just being heart-shattering is the way Santana turns the otherwise optimistic and romantic song “Mine” into a sad one, creating one of the show’s most gorgeous solo performances in the process. Because when she sings Brittany is the best thing that’s ever been hers, we all know it was true in sophomore year, it is true now and it will be on the day they exchange vows. Because Santana’s right when she sings they’re gonna make it, even if it takes a while. Even if they are (and we are) crying right now, even if it takes a few more days of dying in the absence of Brittany’s smile lighting up her world. Because even when they’re breaking up, Brittana reaffirm that they’ll always love each other the most.

-@tuiyla

Santana Walks Brittany Out Of The Auditorium One Last Time- 4x22, “All Or Nothing”

“I really liked the moment in the last episode, when we knew that Brittany was going away and it was a really sad vibe and Santana showed up and just took her hand and walked her off, I thought that was sweet.”- Naya (Perez Hilton 2013)

Valerie- 5x12, “100”

My favorite scene by a pretty wide margin is “Valerie” from “100”. It’s got that palpable backstage chemistry that Naya and Heather had that shone through so clearly in season 1, it’s poetically choreographed, and the songs even more lyrically significant than before.

I believe that Santana and Brittany are at their best and most smitten when they’re doing what Naya and Heather love the most: singing and dancing, respectively. This is no exception. Just look at Brittany trying not to smile at the beginning. When the shot is on her after Santana starts to sing, you can see her face change from smiles to grimace as if she had forgotten herself. You can’t tell me Heather didn’t break there for a second.

Every little mannerism throughout the whole sequence is laced with that fun, alarmingly pure energy. It could’ve been just excellent acting, but it felt so real. And why wouldn’t it? Naya had to learn Heather’s dance from “Sectionals”. Watching your best friend pull off some of your most iconic moves and then joining in, that’s gotta be fun.

Yeah, Santana’s dancing the choreography from their sectionals with Mike. Within the capacity of an untrained dancer, of course. She’s trying to get Brittany back into the groove by dancing probably the most involved number that the New Directions have ever done. And one that Brittany probably had the most fun with because she choreographed it with Mike. That’s some good writing. And it works, and it’s cute, but once Brittany joins in, the sequence deviates from the original.

We get this just wonderful moment of Brittany dancing solo centerstage fully embracing her passion. After she gets her moment, she and Santana dance either with each other swing-style or towards each other. You can’t forget about that embrace at the end when Santana sort of dips her. They’re not even back together at this point. Santana doesn’t want to get back together at this point. But I feel like I’m watching them dancing at their wedding 3 hours into the reception.

And I mean what an appropriate song to use given the circumstance. “Valerie” is about missing an ex after coming back to your hometown. When we heard Santana solo it at sectionals, it wasn’t super meaningful. It was an excellent way to show off Santana’s vocals and Brittany and Mike’s choreography somewhat independently. But here? Let’s talk about line distribution.

First verse, Santana sings solo. Notably, Brittany is harmonizing behind her piecemeal. By the chorus, she’s joined with Santana fully. Second verse, she’s soloing, joining the dance and by the end they’re dancing together. They’re singing and dancing about missing each other together.

But the song’s not my favorite part. Not even the dance. Not really. My favorite part is the culmination. Santana and Brittany are participating in each other’s disciplines and passions.

That’s an awesome couple right there. They went from singing and dancing somewhat removed from each other to singing and dancing with each other, and even when they were broken up, they still shared their respective passions with each other effortlessly.

-@leatherzaddy on Reddit

My favorite Brittana scene is Valerie S5. It just feels so significant to me that Santana chose this particular song to get Britt out of her funk. Valerie is special to both of them, it’s the first competition solo Santana ever got and it was the first time we ever got to witness the dance skills of one Brittany S. Pierce.

It was the first time Brittany got to show off how talented she was and how she was so much more than the dumb blonde everyone thought she was. Now, however, no one thinks she’s dumb. Now everyone sees her as just another statistic for MIT.

Santana, however, sees right through that and sees her for who she really is - not dumb, not just a genius, but Brittany, the girl who loves to dance. So Santana picks the same song from the first time Brittany got to show off her dancing to prove to her once again that dancing is what she’s meant to do.

-@hopefulobjectmiracle

Churros Kiss- 5x12, “100”

The infamous churros scene lives in my head rent free. Why? Because we saw a level of confidence in Brittany that we had never seen before and, in that moment, we were all rooting for her for giving us what we knew was right and what we knew we needed. The fans knew Brittana was endgame, Brittany knew, and we just sat back and waited for Santana to realize it as well. (Let’s give her credit: she knew.) We had waited 1.5 seasons for more and we finally got it, mouthful of churros and all.

I love this scene because we see Santana and Brittany a bit older and a lot wiser; Brittany knows that after all the time they had spent apart, Santana is the only one she really wants and she felt like she needed to tell her, to show her, before it was too late. I feel like everything Brittany did in this scene was very spontaneous and on a whim, and it makes it that much hotter.

The kiss. It’s my favorite kiss between the couple by a mile. Brittany put her heart on her sleeve and risked everything and just went in for the kill. You can see the twinkle in her eye right before she leaned in and she didn’t hesitate to show Santana what she wanted. I do appreciate Santana’s hesitancy because of their storyline at the time, but I don’t doubt for a second that she didn’t want Brittany back, too. She was just incredibly cautious, and no doubt, caught by surprise. They had been through so much and had finally found a place in their friendship/relationship where scars were healing and hearts weren’t as broken as before.

You can see in the way Santana looks at her after being kissed, the way in which she listens to her, that the wheels in her head are already turning. We know she knows what Brittany is saying is true. She just has to process what this means for her, for them, for her life back in New York. She’s just putting the scattered puzzle pieces back together, but she knows what the picture already looks like.

The kiss on the cheek? The delicious cherry on top. Brittany, having already been pushed away, one again doubled down on how she felt and so quickly, and respectfully, reminded Santana of that. You can see Santana’s breath hitch during this moment when their faces are so close together, and it’s obvious that her love for Brittany never wavered. As she always was, smitten is her middle name.

Brittana’s entire relationship from S1-S6 can be summed up, for me, with one infamous line spoken by Brittany during the churros scene, “You can’t recreate what you and I have.”

-@TheWednesdayProject on Reddit

The Lilies Scene- 5x13, “New Directions”

I will always remember being a curious and scared teenager. I was almost in high school when Brittana became official and it suckerpunched me. The fear, the anxiety, the angst, the love, all of it was so relatable. Brittana had so many trials and tribulations and they always came out better and stronger both as individuals as a couple. My favorite Brittana scene is the lily scene because it was the beginning of them consciously choosing each other. The growth <3

-@yesandmusicals

My favorite Brittana scene is when Brittany fills the room with lilies for Santana. It really proves that the connection between them is incredibly strong and they understand each other better than anyone else. Their chemistry is off the charts and you can really feel their love for each other through the screen. The way Santana sinks into Brittany like she’s coming home and the way Britt runs her fingers up and down Santana’s arm <3 Everything about it is perfect.

-@santinacedes

I think my favorite Brittana scene is the one in 5x13, where Brittany fills the choir room with lilies for Santana, because that was the biggest time when I could truly feel their love for one another and their support of each other.

-@allweseeisskyforever

The Bedroom Scene- 6x03, “Jagged Little Tapestry”

It's hard to pick one favorite scene because I just love them all. But I'm gonna go with the scene that made me the happiest and that's the bedroom scene before the proposal because it's such an intimate moment between the two of them. They talk about their future together, about how happy they are and of course "I will love you until infinity". I've wanted a scene like that since I started shipping them in season 2. And watching that scene for the first time was one of the happiest moments in my life. And when I'm feeling down I just watch this scene again and everything gets better.

-@brittanaaresoulmates13

Santana proposes to Brittany- 6x03, “Jagged Little Tapestry

My fav Brittana scene is the proposal bc it means so much to both of them. It takes place where they fell in love and there’s so many parts in the song that remind me so much of their past

-@arf128

My favourite Brittana scene is probably Santana proposing to Brittany because the number they do before is fire🔥 and BRITTANA GETS ENGAGED!!

-@pennywarbler

Hallway Scene- 6x06, “What The World Needs Now”

I LOVE THE ‘did I ever tell you that I love you’ MOMENT. The little kiss and the way Santana nudges her head in Brittany’s neck. I love the whole episode, it’s so powerful and as a lesbian I really felt seen and represented.

I love that Santana reminds Brittany of heaven. I love that Brittany loves Santana so unconditionally, that she would do anything to see her happy. Brittany knows that Santana is super happy right now, but she also knows that she really misses her abuela and that she’s sad she’s not coming to the wedding. Britt’s really doing her best for Santana, and that really shows how much she loves her.

I love that we see Santana’s vulnerable side in this episode and I love to see Brittany’s protective side (especially during and after Alfie). Although abuela said she wasn’t coming, I love how the episode ended because it really shows how much Santana has grown and how much love she has in her life right now.

-@sapphosongbird

Brittany Confronts Santana’s Abuela- 6x06, “What The World Needs Now”

After Santana sings “Alfie” to Abuela López as if her life depended on it in hopes that her Abuela would be a part of her life again, we have my favorite Brittana moment. At first, Abuela is confused and shocked to find out that she’s been tricked into seeing Santana sing. Brittany quickly confessed that she did trick her and informed Abuela, but also informed Abuela not only that she is Santana’s fiancée but that she loves her so much that she would do anything for her. Santana is quick to look at Abuela to gauge her reaction. Santana is hoping she has an opportunity to explain and to try to make her see how much she loves and needs Abuela in her life. Santana brings up how much Abuela means to her and how much being raised by this woman has made her a strong woman.

It’s likely that Abulea immigrated from another country. Like many children from immigrant families, they know the sacrifices their family took to her there. Santana likely heard from father (as i think Alma is her paternal grandmother) about the importance of doing good in school (and her education as she values it) and likely heard stories about the many jobs her grandma took. Likely those that are stereotypical like agricultural work, working in restaurants, or working as a cleaning lady. Jobs that were all she could get because of the limits society places on her (Abuela). ( Santana really admires this woman. She lets her know how much in the coming out scene. )

Santana embraces being Latina and holds no apology for being so, and admits that she is bigger and better than the limits society places on her. Santana wants to continue to be bigger and better. She admits that she can’t (or doesn’t want to) do that without Brittany and Abuela. Santana feels she simply exists without them. Perhaps also saying that they give her the strength she needs to be bigger and better. She is oh so hopeful that reminding her of all that will make her Abuela come along.

Unfortunately, it is not enough for Abuela. She reminds Santana that she loves her, but not enough to attend the stop following her beliefs. She adamantly says that girls marry boys and not other girls. It’s a sin in Abuela’s eyes, and she refuses to attend the wedding. What happens next in this scene makes me so proud of Santana. Before this moment, Santana was this scared little girl who hid behind this HBIC persona. In short, Santana struggled to love and accept herself. She dated guys for status. She rejected Brittany for so long and told her she was using her and didn’t love her. She had beards and even wrote a song about a boy. She had confessed to Brittany that she was scared about all the talks and looks she would get from others. She hid her feelings and love for Brittany and pushed her away into another person's arms. While doing so, she was more angry and miserable than she had ever been. She had to witness the girl she loved more than anything be with someone else because she was too scared, and it hurt her. It would take some more time for her to embrace herself fully. Even then, she didn’t have much choice. She was forced into accepting herself because she was outed to everyone in her school, in Lima, and in Ohio (and anyone who stumbled across that campaign ad online). Still, she did eventually get there. It was not easy for her at all, but she got there. She was happy. She surrounded herself with the love of her friends. She grew as a person. She became friendlier, was happier, and she allowed herself to love others (Brittany, Dani). Moving to New York was scary for her, but she did it anyway (with a little shove from Brittany (again, she thinks they helped to make her bigger and better). She helped her friends get a job, auditioned for Broadway, went to auditions, held various jobs, and attended school.

Santana remembered how Abuela taught her to be bigger and better than her school, her city, and her state would ever allow her to be when she was in New York. She was even bigger and better than the limits she had placed on herself, especially when she was in high school. She was determined to make something of herself. Sometimes even doing things that weren’t even her dream.

No matter the years that had passed, Brittany knew that despite Santana saying she was okay and choosing Brittany over everyone, including the woman that meant so much to her, Santana still missed her Abuela. In this scene, unlike the last time when Santana bravely confessed to Abuela about her feelings and was gay by herself, Brittany was there alongside Santana. Brittany quickly stepped in to protect the woman she loved. Despite being upset that things aren’t going as they had hoped, she puts on a brave face and tells Abuela that it is okay if she doesn’t go. With a smile and some spunk, Brittany tells Abuela they don’t want her there. Santana is surprised that Brittany spoke up at first, too.

Brittany, who usually is kind and sweet, had her claws out. She used her genius mind to give statistical facts she’d read about to tell Abuela off. Usually, Santana would know not to speak to Abuela in such a manner. This is likely because Santana knows better. Her Abuela likely taught her to respect her elders or at least always to respect her. When Brittany finishes talking, Abuela expects Santana to apologize and stick up for her, but to Alma’s surprise, Santana doesn’t. Instead, Santana, the girl who was scared to tell her Abuela she was gay because she feared losing her, stood by Brittany, the woman she loved and who had told her Abuela to go on and love herself in a way Santana likely never has and would never dare to.

Santana doesn’t just defend Brittany or stands by her. Santana refers to her relationship with Brittany as love. She uses their love as an example of what love is. Santana, the girl who told Brittany she didn’t love her and that she was nothing more than just sex because Puck was in the slammer, the girl who refused to talk about feelings, and the girl who panicked when Rachel referred to their duet as sapphic romance, told her Abuela that what she and Brittany share is love. She uses the words “real love” to describe their relationship and what they had.

The choice of Santana words is significant. Likely, Abuela empathized the importance of love when it came to family (even if Santana experienced a lot of tough love from Abuela, her dad, and likely other family members like her mom.) all her life. Santana likely had seen a lot of it.

The choice of the word “real” may indicate just how deeply Santana was hurt when Abuela disowned her. We did see her cry in season 3 when Santana came out to her. Still, the choice of words makes me think that Santana felt deceived about family sticking together and loving each other no matter what (something Abuela mentions in this very same episode in the Queso Por Dos segment) because of how quickly things changed when she came out. All it took was a confession and a few seconds for that love to disappear.

It’s possible she viewed what she knew as love before, as fake love, or love that was not unconditional. Santana choosing to use “real love” to describe her relationship with Brittany is Santana saying, “We stick together and love each other unconditionally, unlike you and I or my own blood.”

Santana then says that Brittany is her family. Again, Santana reminds us that she chooses Brittany over anyone. Again, she’s touching on her previous statement that she and Brittany are an example of “real love” or (as Santana believes with all her heart) a family that sticks together and loves each other no matter what. This is a big deal for Santana.

She is coming full circle because, in the early seasons, Brittany didn’t always come first. She often came second or last to status, beards, prom queen, people’s opinions, etc.

Santana, a girl that misses Abuela, the person she wishes would love her again, has reached a point in her life where she loves herself and Brittany so much that she no longer needs her Abuela or her support, love, and approval. Santana knows she has a lot of that already. A lot, a lot.

The next part in this scene is parallel to Abuela and Santana’s previous scene some years prior from season 3 when Santana comes out to her. In season 3, Abuela told Santana to leave her house with no other word after Santana came out. Despite Santana’s pleas, Abuela had had the final say. In this scene, things are different. Instead of faltering and hiding, Santana puts her foot down and stands her ground. She keeps her head high and has the final say (something that I believe Abuela taught her when teaching her how to be bigger and better than what the world was going to give her permission to be), and Abuela had no choice but to walk away without another word.

To finish this scene, Santana leans into Brittany. Brittany comforts her (like I’m sure Brittany did the first time Santana came into Abuela the moment she could (which I believe was as soon as Santana got into her car where Britt was waiting (just in case Abuela wanted to meet her))). Santana knows she can count on Brittany. She is her family now. They stick together and love each other no matter what, even if it means being disappointed when things don’t go as planned.

Had Abuela and Santana never made up, I would have been completely okay with it because this scene shows a lot of growth in Santana.

It makes me feel so proud of Santana. She cared so much about others' approval. She had been so scared of her feelings for Brittany that she let herself be miserable and made others feel that way, too. Santana ended up being bigger and better than the limits she and society places on her. In doing so, she learned to accept and love herself, Brittany, and their family. Proudly so. While she wanted Abuela in her life, she decided to let Abuela go and instead surround herself with her new family, one that had plenty of “true love.” A lot, a lot.

That is freaking beautiful, and I absolutely love it.

(Also, protective Britt is 😍🥰).

-@lylyluvda916

Pre-Wedding Scene- 6x08

Q: Favourite Glee scene ever? A: My wedding! -Naya (Twitter Q&A 2015)

“My favourite scene to film was the wedding with me and Naya. It’s just a beautiful memory that I am so thankful I have during this time. It happened at the same time as I was getting married, and it just felt like a double wedding, if you will, because that was the title of the episode. It just kind of summed up our entire relationship on the show and it felt so real, and so magical, to do that with one of my best friends.”- Heather (Cameo 2015)

After too much thinking, I’ve decided that my favorite Brittana scene is the pre wedding when they’re getting ready and Britt freaks out because Santana sees her before the wedding, thinking it’s a bad luck thing. And then Santana says to her that rules don’t apply to them and that they make their own luck. After that they kiss in the most perfect way. It’s my favorite because by saying that to Brittany, Santana made it clear that no matter what traditions say or people believe, everyone can choose how to be happy.

-@awesome-shipper

My favourite Brittana scene would have to be just the whole wedding episode if i’m being honest aha (i love all the Brittana scenes lol its soo hard to choose haha) because it shows that love is love and that anyone can get married if you love one another doesn’t have to be man and women, it can be women and women or even man and man! Love is love! I love the episode also because they are just soo cute in it lol, like Brittany having all the pre wedding worries and then Santana calming her down, ahhh its just soo cute aha.

-@elmamacca

It’s so ridiculously hard to pick my favourite Brittana scene, when they all mean so much. Each one means something different for them in terms of their story. Though they may lack screen time compared to other couples on the show, their scenes are filled with so many firsts. First time Santana admits her feelings, first time they mention their officially dating, first kiss, first I love you in a relationship when they're both happy...so they’re each special for different reasons. Even the break up has Santana admit for the first time that she had feelings for Brittany way back in Sophomore year (S1). Something that was implied but never verbalised before that point.

It's hard to pin it down to just one. I love 2x15 for the obvious reasons of getting to see Santana admit what was already clear to see. That she loved Brittany. Seeing her finally admit that was just really poignant for me.

Landslide and Songbird hold such special places in my heart. The bravery. The love. Everything. I felt it all.

Heart was the fluff we so sorely craved for 3 seasons, and they finally we got it in the best way, and we got our first on screen kiss (3 times over).

5x12/5x13 had me feeling euphoric because finally after a season of absolute crap they finally got back together. The kiss was amazing, and we got to see Brittany lay it all on the line for Santana and make it clear who her top choice always was deep down.

6x03 was like a treasure trove of pure joy. The softest bed scene ever which I love for, my fav duet from them and ofc the proposal. Seeing Santana so boldly (I felt so proud of her in this moment) declare her love for Brittany in front of everyone (something she once thought she'd never be able to do), and for Brittany to be able to see that after their rocky start of "I'm not making out with you because I'm in love with you and want to sing about making lady babies", was everything! The call backs to Landslide were just ugh, and it really showed how far they had come. Santana’s speech and how nervous she is, plus Britt’s tears and the way she snatches the ring, lives in my head rent free.

6x06 is also like, incredible, and one of my fav ever Brittana episodes. Just the whole damn episode and how domesticated they are, Santana’s bravery, Brittany’s protectiveness, all the soft af dialogue that looks like it’s been plucked straight from a fanfic. The “did I ever tell you that I love you?” “tell me again” scene is one of my all time favourite scenes from them ever, and I can’t with how utterly adorable and playful and in love they are. Essentially, my love for the ship holds no bounds so there are too many “fave scenes” to count. Truthfully, I could write an in-depth analysis about every single one one of their scenes and how it touched me in some way, but I think if I had to pick just one I'd go with 6x08 the pre-wedding scene.

It's their last major "two-shot" scene and I honestly think it captures everything. Not only is it just contextually sweet the way Santana can't wait any longer to see Brittany and the words that she says, and the way Brittany is nervously freaking out, it ties up a lot of their story. Santana says with confidence "you love me, and I love you" after what seems like a lifetime of self-doubt, finally she knows Brittany loves her and no longer has to question that. This is the same girl who begged Brittany to say she loved her back as a scared closeted teenager, and now she's standing in front of her on their wedding day knowing that Brittany loves her without even needing to hear it. But regardless we do get an "I love you so much" from Brittany, unprovoked by Santana, which again is a callback to that heartbreaking 2x15 scene. It was all Santana ever wanted to hear back then, now she gets to hear it so freely on their wedding day. Their wedding day guys!? Nothing can ever top that for me, for them to have that ending to such a imperfectly perfect story, after all the erasure, the angst, the break-up, seeing them with other people, watching Brittany go off to MIT and thinking yep...this ship is done because Heather's never coming back now.

The way Santana manages to calm Brittany and make her see clearly, is everything, and it really shows that yin/yang dynamic that I love so much about them.

Being someone who felt like I was living vicariously through them and seeing them get the ending of all endings and get married which is such a rarity (or certainly was at the time) for WLW ships was EVERYTHING. There's also the kiss (my fav kiss of there's) and the fact that moments later Abuela comes in and finally makes amends with Santana. It was the perfect, happy, full circle ending to a rollercoaster of a story, and nothing will ever get more satisfying than that.

-@chooseyouovereveryone

Full List Of Scenes & YouTube Links

Brittany & Santana Talk To Holly Holliday About Their Feelings

Landslide

Hurt Locker

Songbird

Heart Locker

Officially Dating

Rumour Has It/Someone Like You

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

Cherish/Cherish

I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)

Tongue Tied

Mine

Santana Walks Brittany Out Of The Auditorium One Last Time

Valerie

Churros Kiss

The Lilies Scene

The Bedroom Scene

The Proposal

The Hallway Scene

Brittany Confronts Santana’s Abuela

Pre-Wedding Scene

Top 5 Scenes

Each of them had 3 responses each.

Landslide

Hurt Locker

Songbird

Lilies Scene

Pre-Wedding Scene

Season Breakdown

Season 2, Season 3, Season 6 (5 scenes each)

Season 5 (3 scenes)

Season 4 (1 scene)

Season Popularity By Number Of Responses

Season 2 (12 responses)

Season 3 (9 responses)

Season 6 (8 responses)

Season 5 (6 responses)

Season 4 (1 response)

Thank you all so much for reading, participating, sharing etc. I really hope you’ve enjoyed it!

#brittana #brittany and santana #glee #gleeks #glee brittana #glee brittany #glee santana #santana lopez #brittany s.pierce #brittany pierce #rumours #10yearsofbrittana #10yearsofrumours #brittana fan project #brittany x santana

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aspecpplarebeautiful · 3 years

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hi, so my mom has always been supportive of the lgbtq community. My mom has mentioned she is fine and supportive of me if I was lesbian or bi. I was happy until I’ve brought up not being sexually attracted to anyone, she didn’t seem to think that was possible and said it was normal and I haven’t met the right person yet. I didn’t want to mention it was a sexuality yet, and just continued explaining how I haven’t been sexually attracted to anyone in my 18 yrs of living and how I’m sure it’s not a “meeting the right person” thing. She said how back then people didn’t use to think like that, or see someone and think “I want that person in my pants.” I think now I’m confused? I wanted to say that’s an over exaggeration but I’m actually not sure if it is cause idk how allos think? Now it’s got me thinking if I got this all wrong? What if my mom doesn’t get what I’m saying? What if she herself doesn’t have these thoughts cause she’s also… I’m not sure. I guess I’m just surprised at how much doubt I have after hearing that, and I view myself as someone who wouldn’t be as shaken over such few words. She seems supportive of the big titles but not the less heard ones. I guess times like these I wish I knew another aspec person in real life so I can ask questions. Sorry about my ramble 💜

So there seems to be two things going on here, so let's start with the doubt. Doubt is normal, and it doesn't necessarily mean you're wrong about your identity. A lot of people will experience a bit of doubt if someone straight up says 'that's not real, you're wrong.' This is even more common if you haven't been identifying as ace that long, or if you still had some personal doubts.

You mentioned not really understanding what sexual attraction is/feels like and that can contribute to feelings of doubt too because you're defining an absence of something, which is already hard, it's even harder when you're not 100% sure what you're looking for.

Sexual attraction is complex, because humans are complex and heaven forbid anything is ever simple. You're right that thinking 'I want that person in my pants' can be a bit of an exaggeration (not to say it never happens that way, but I wouldn't say it's what it always is).

My favourite definition of sexual attraction is a sexual pull towards another specific person (so not in general finding people of a certain type, but actually directed at someone). And that can be being turned on by a specific person (so it's hot, but specifically hot because this person did it), but often it feels a lot like a craving. Like the same way you could really go for cheesecake or a big plate of fries, you could really go for sex with that specific person.

Hot can mean arousal, but there's sexual attraction symptoms, like sometimes the air around you feels too warm (where the term 'hot' comes from). Your mouth can either become water, or it can do the opposite and suddenly get dry. Clothes may feel uncomfortable or you may find yourself hyperaware of them, stuff like that. (Just a note that attraction symptoms like these can appear with other types of attraction, so this doesn't necessarily mean it's sexual attraction. There's other symptoms I didn't mention as well, these are just some common ones.)

So in general sexual attraction is kind of a big feeling (some people experience it more weakly, but if it's so weak you have trouble noticing it, you can identify as ace on the basis of experiencing sexual attraction too.)

Another thing that helps people with doubt too is to remember labels are subjective. So if you're finding asexual to be a useful label, then that's usually a sign it is the right label for you. That you have a reason to relate to asexuality or that you do have reason for not relating or identifying with allosexuality.

It may also help to join an online space, maybe find a discord server (you can find a list by searching disboard) or something like that where you can talk to other aces may help too and help you feel like a bigger part of a community.

For your mom doubting, it's up to you what you want to do about that. And you don't have to do anything. It's also OK to want to talk to her but not feel ready to do it, especially if you think it's going to make you doubt yourself again. And it's absolutely OK to ask her to drop the subject for the time being.

If it is something you want to talk to her more about though (or if she won't let it go/starts thinking there's something wrong), sometimes in cases like this appealing to more authoritative sources may help. So explaining what asexuality is, and then sending her to something that explains it/legitimizes it as an orientation may help a lot. And there's a lot out there these days, from articles from major news sources/wikipedia, scholarly sources, rep on tv shows (Bojack Horseman in season 3 or Sex Education in season 2. So are two shows you could try watching together for example). If she considers herself a queer ally, most major queer orgs have pages/articles about asexuality so you can show that to her too. Or if there's any Pride stuff going on, that can help too. So you don't have to show her all these things, but if there's anything you think may be effective in reaching her that may help. Sometimes seeing it's mostly accepted in other places such as academia/lgbtq+ orgs can help with that too.

I know this involves telling her you're ace and not just not sexually attracted to others, but if she can see a lot of other people are like this too, that may help her get away from the idea there's something going on with you.

But again remember it's up to you, and what you're comfortable with is always going to be what matters the most. It's also OK to lie to get her to leave you alone, so if saying 'oh I think you were right I just haven't met the right person yet' is a temporary solution that works until you're more ready to bring it up again, or you need her to drop it, that's OK too.

All the best, Anon! And good luck!

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thephandumb · 5 years

Text

important things about dan’s coming out video

”spoiler alert i’m not straight”

homophobia affects how children grow up and how they view themselves and anyone who says “they’re too young to talk about seXuaLity” regarding healthy gay representation in the media or “the world isn’t fair deal with it” regarding homophobia is an asshole

using “gay” as an insult creates a negative connotation that is detrimental to an entire community of people and establishes a sense of inferiority. don’t do it.

stand up for people. please. dan talked about how awful his childhood was because he had no friends and everyone was too scared to stand up for him and how his life changed when he met phil because just having one person on his side was so important. even if you don’t think it’s a big deal, please give people support

“emo is one of the best things that happened to pop culture in the past 20 years”

bisexuality is valid and is not just a trendy label or an excuse for being sexually confused

what you say on the internet lasts forever and someone will find it, for better or for worse

dan asking god to “make him straight” because he was tired of being abused for his sexuality because it’s 2019 and people still don’t realize that sexuality is not a choice and no amount of praying or sexual conversions or whatever will change that, it’ll only make people feel more hopeless and telling someone to “pray the gay away” or that homosexuality is a sin is an awful thing

dan speaking on his attempted suicide. if you’re reading this or if you’ve seen his video, know you are not alone. youtubers and celebrities tend to get idolized and people don’t realize that they are people too and they have struggled too and being in a dark spot doesn’t make you any less of a person. if you’re having problems with suicidal thoughts, know that you have support and call the suicide hotline if you need someone to talk to 1-800-273-8255

time heals. even if you feel like your world is ending now, you have a life ahead of you, and that time will give you perspective

dan calling phil his soulmate and not just because oMg!1! PhaN!1 but because it’s so important to find someone you feel comfortable around and you love and feel loved back i’m so happy for both of them

on that note, dan calling everyone out for being obsessed with his sexuality and about his relationships because yes, it’s fun to see a connection between two people and seeing people happy together makes people happy but that’s no excuse to be creepy and aggressive and try to force people into addressing things they don’t want to share

also dan alluding to all the bottom jokes which actually kinda made me laugh but also points out how weird that is like stop

don’t force people to disclose their sexuality. don’t out people. just don’t. you don’t know their life story and doing so could threaten their safety. preaching openness and being comfortable with who you are doesn’t work when you’re making someone uncomfortable by pressuring them to say something they don’t want to say yet. and if they’re not gay, it’s just harassment and unhealthy stereotyping.

never react to someone’s coming out with “wE bEen knEw” or something because obviously it’s taking them a lot to share this information with you don’t be a prick

“focus on making the world a welcoming place and people will come out when they are ready”

using your platform to let people know they don’t have to deal with their experiences alone

“every time someone speaks openly about sexuality, it saves lives”

representation is so important

we all have different experiences in life. don’t judge other people or invalidate their experiences or act like something is or isn’t a problem

if you stay silent, you are contributing to the problem

society has an unhealthy obsession with labels and human conceptions of particular words varies as the world changes but at the same time, some people derive pride, happiness, and validation with finding a label they identify with so respect that

“if you want to use language to express your honest feelings and identity, that’s great and other people should respect what you say. likewise, if you hate labels and you just want to be a formless blob that’s fine too, no one should force you. the only thing that isn’t cool is telling people what they should or should not identify as because that ain’t your problem or your business”

“i think it’s unlikely [that god exists] in the same way i know i like DICK but i’m not going to pretend to have a definite answer here” mood.

“one thing’s for sure, whatever heterosexual is, i ain’t it”

dan appreciating the word “queer”. even though there is some bad history behind it given that it’s a slur, it’s a good umbrella term that avoids having to put yourself into a specific label and is inclusive to everyone. that being said, if you don’t feel comfortable with it, that’s understandable

saying you’re gay doesn’t make you spontaneously combust!!!!

“i’m here, i’m queer, and don’t worry, i’m still filled with existential fear”

dan emailing his family to come out because you should be able to come out anyway you feel comfortable with and also #relatable when you’re both gay AND awkward

dan’s mf christian grandmother saying “I hope that now you will feel free to live your life as you want with no pretence” because having an accepting family is so important and my heart goes out to everyone who does not come from an accepting family but it’s just so nice to hear. and also, being old and conservative and christian is not an excuse to be a bigot. you should value the happiness of the people you love over your opposing views

dan pointing out the problems in the pride community right now because gender roles, biphobia, transphobia, acephobia, and racism are still huge problems that should be dealt with and we should focus on loving and accepting each other and welcome anyone to the community because everyone is valid

climate change plug

the fight against homophobia is not over

queer people exist. choosing not to accept them is not an option.

“living your truth with pride is the way to be happy. you are valid, it gets so much better, and the future is clear: it’s pretty queer”

#i just felt like making this #i love this video so much #dan howell #daniel howell #coming out #gay pride #pride #lgbt

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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When/how do you think Ragnor and Catrina realized camille was being abusive towards Magnus?

Btw, I love u❤

fantastic question anon, i love YOU! i think that depends on a couple of factors. i think people who have already been or know people who have been in an abusive relationship are more likely to notice the warning signs, and/or to interpret stuff like the person pulling away as a sign of abuse. whereas people who haven't lived through it and aren't informed on it might not even realize what's going on until before it's over, and even be angry

so because we live in a hell world and catarina is a black woman, i think she is more likely to notice the warning signs than ragnor is, because black women are more likely to be in abusive relationships than white men. i'm not saying catarina herself has been in an abusive relationship necessarily but presumably her family has plenty of black women and she's also more likely to also be friends with other woc and marginalized ppl than ragnor is because again, hell world. so she has a higher chance of having been in a similar position before, although of course that's no set in stone rule and ragnor's circle of friends does seem to have a lot of marginalized ppl (and i hc him as aroace which makes him queer which puts him in an entirely different position than a straight white man and probably means something about the relationships he builds, but anyway) BUT my point is, i think catarina is more likely to notice earlier

i think ragnor is pretty perceptive tho, and also that they are pretty close and talk a lot, so i think once catarina noticed she would have talked to ragnor, and it wouldn't take ragnor long to realize that she was right

so okay when would they notice? i think that's always a slow process but i'm pretty sure their suspicions would first arise when magnus started to ditch them and stuff like parties and outings because of camille. first of all, i don't think that's like magnus at all, and second of all, there is an obvious difference between "i'm in the honeymoon phase" and "sorry, i don't think it's a good idea, my partner might not like it" or even "yeah! that sounds great!... just let me ask my partner about it". big difference

so that already has catarina in particular very wary of her because magnus is not the kind to ditch his friends because of a partner and the way he's acting about this is weird. so, she decides to keep an eye and maybe even put this to the test by making a surprise visit and invite him to a party like, right then doijadiosaj and she takes him out and she notices that magnus is Out Of It and he seems even a little... tense and scared and almost paranoid. and like, this is relatively at the beginning of their relationship so she wouldn't have been Horrible about it yet but at the beginning the person expresses enough control and discomfort with these things for you to be kind of uncomfortable even if you don't really realize that it's because you're Scared Of Hurting Your Parner

so THAT gets catarina really worried, because if magnus can't relax because he's afraid of camille's reaction, and worse, if he doesn't REALIZE that's why, that's the reddest a flag can get in such an early stage of their relationship. she tries to talk to magnus about it but magnus is the king of deflecting and basically waves her worries off. which just makes her more worried, but what is she supposed to do? she knows that pushing will only makes things worse and make it easier for camille to turn magnus against her and cut their ties. so, she lets it go and pretends that she buys his excuses. that's probably when she also talks to ragnor. ragnor probably had noticed that something was off but he hadn't really thought that it would be something super bad, and i think he'd still have his doubts about it, but well, he has that on the back of his mind now. and besides, he trusts catarina's judgement and he can admit when she is more qualified than him to assess something. it's why their relationship works

the first time they say anything is probably when magnus tells him about some fight they've had. probably because magnus told camille that he was upset about something she did - like idk, making fun of him in public about a topic that's sensitive to him. and like magnus wasn't even mad at her, he had never mentioned that whatever joke she made was off limits or related to a sensitive topic, he just wanted to communicate and let her know that it had hurt him, and she pretty much Exploded at him. and somehow turned it all around so it was magnus' fault for accusing her of trying to hurt him on purpose when that's not what magnus did, and now magnus pretty much wanted advice on how to apologize and let her know that he loves her

so catarina and ragnor try to subtly poke holes in her logic and show him that he has nothing to apologize for, without straight up being like "she's manipulating you" because Kids, That Does Not Go Well. and it makes magnus... heartbreakingly confused in that way abused people get when the logic they have been being shoved under shows cracks that would mean something too awful to even imagine

and catarina is a fucking wreck because at this point, she is sure of it and it makes her relive... so much trauma of other people she's seen go through that and lost and/or her own relationships if you want to go with that. and she doesn't want to lose magnus or have magnus go through that but she doesn't know what to do and she KNOWS that next step is magnus pulling away from her and ragnor no matter how careful she is

she probably gets the rare Comforting Hug from ragnor once magnus leaves and she also talks to dot and maybe elias? you know, their other friends. and they have a Catarina Comforting Day and hear her stories and cuddle and you know, try to make her feel better. and eventually they try to devise some kind of game plan so they can try to help magnus get out of this

it all goes to shit of course when they have the rare outing with camille, and camille is Obviously Refusing To Interact With Them If She Can Avoid It which is classic abuse thing - sure, i'll go see your friends, but you have to choose between interacting with them and me, so really you don't actually get to see with your friends because you'll feel bad that i'm isolated and eventually seeing your friends will feel either pointless or nervewracking cuz it feels like juggling your relationships. and if you want to see them without me i am going to act like you have something to hide and i'm a victim

anyway! so they notice that and they try to undermine that tactic by, you know, interacting with her a lot. so camille switches it up and tries to pick up a fight, and lo and behold, she succeeds - i know ragnor doesn't look like the kind of guy who loses his temper easily but i think when you push his buttons he is VERY bad at hiding it and half a snappy comment is all camille needs to lash out at him and play the victim. she's good

so that's when their plan gets fucked and everything goes to hell because then it's just too easy for camille to isolate magnus from his friends with really just a few tweaks to the previous tactic i mentioned - "are you really picking them over me, magnus? you're gonna keep hanging out with them when they are so rude to me, probably tell you all sorts of things about me, try to get you to break up with me? can't you see how manipulative they are? how they're trying to turn you against me? why do you insist so much on seeing them when you know how much that hurts me?"

and done

catarina and ragnor probably fight after that because god DAMN it, she fucking tOLD him that they had to be careful! and she's been swallowing all kinds of shitty comments from her but ragnor just had to fucking lose it at the first provocation, didn't he? and god knows how long it'd take for them to reach him after that, because camille is already preemptively making him think that they are trying to manipulate him to break up with her out of jealousy so he won't listen to anything they say directly. and she's right, of course, and ragnor is out of his depth and doesn't UNDERSTAND how these things go and how much this slip up will affect them in the future

i like to think that ragnor apologizes to her and catarina probably... has a breakdown because fuck she is worried and she is reliving way too many nightmares here. and ragnor is actually very tender and hugs her and apologizes and kisses her forehead and tells her that he's going to fix it. and he actually swallows his pride and apologizes to camille just to try and turn this thing around, but, well. the damage is done. and really, there is only so much friends can do when dealing with something like this. at the end of the day, they did all they could

and from then on they try their best to be there for him and pull magnus out of the camille-created isolation, but there's only so much they can do, and it's up to magnus to notice and get help to get rid with her. they'll always try to be his support system, but well. it's hard

and of course eventually magnus does get rid of her claws and catarina, ragnor, dot, elias etc., are all there for him when he does. and he probably feels guilty because he pushed them away but really they are just so RELIEVED that he's finally free of her. and him and catarina probably get a teary hug full of apologies for things that aren't their fault, and they try to make up for lost time by spending as much time as possible together now. especially because i think that it also hurts catarina to have her friends pull away - she obviously yearns for family, for closeness, i don't think she does well with people pulling away from her, she wants the kind of closeness that comes from routine and she used to have that with magnus and the rest of the immortal squad, you know? and magnus knows that, so, he tries to compensate

and eventually they start to heal their relationships, but magnus still has a long way to heal himself, but well. he'll get there. they are together and all

#sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #catarina loss #ragnor fell #camille belcourt is an abuser #brotp: comfortable shoes #brotp: my dear little cabbage #immortal squad #abuse tw #racism tw #misoginy tw #misoginoir mention #ask #anonymous #meta #kinda #camille's trash party #i have always wanted to be The Camille Angst Blog is it finally happening pls say yes

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sketchy-saram · 3 years

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Hey everyone! I realize Pride Month just ended, but I wanted to talk about Asexuality for a minute, so I hope you'll indulge me since I have no idea what day it is normally and missed the obvious chance xD

So my discovery that I was Ace happened when I was in Korea circa 2016, although I'd heard of it a few years before, from the Girls with Slingshots web comic! Both of these things occurred long after I was already an adult, however, and its existence is something I sorely wish I'd known about as a teenager. Hence, I'd really like to spread information about Asexuality to those who might not know anything, so you can be more comfortable with the idea, more informed, and perhaps pass that information to others around you who might be confused and questioning themselves! Pass it on, save a life! (Or at least a LOT of heartache and confusion!) If you already know stuff, great! You’re awesome! <3

So what IS Asexuality? Is it like, budding? Haha, funny joke. (Not really.) Asexuality is simply the lack of sexual attraction to anyone. It is an umbrella term for a lot of different classifications of Aces, but that's the basics. Allosexuals would be what is considered 'normal'--people who do experience sexual attraction. And yes, this is completely different from ROMANTIC attraction! But we'll get to that a bit later!

Why are Asexuals considered part of the LGBTQIA+ rainbow? Well, it's right there in the letters! The A never stood for ally--it always meant Asexual. We've been there since the very beginning! The Queer community envelopes all people whose gender and sexual identities fall outside the norm--so when our society, and humanity as a whole, so idealizes sex and sexual relations, I think not feeling those urges more than qualifies us! And if that weren't enough, Asexuals experience plenty of stigma and harassment--even gatekeeping from within the community, which is extremely unfortunate. In fact, in online social spaces, ESPECIALLY tumblr, Asexuality went through a major witchhunt about 5 years ago, where the waves of anti-Ace rhetoric were so bad that they basically eradicated the community and forced aces back into the closet. Things are better now, but the ramifications are still sorely felt. Aces also have a much higher chance of unstable relationships, as sex and the desire to have sex plays such a large role in romantic relationships. If you are allosexual, imagine being in a relationship where your partner never wants to have sex, and trying to understand that that doesn't reflect at all on you or how much they love you. It's hard, right? I'm not saying that Ace/Allo relationships can't happen, but it takes a LOT of work and communication!! (Uhm, and also plenty of allo people just have a low libido, so please remember not to be forcing your partners into unwanted sexual activities!!)

So let's talk more about the specific wording. 'Sexual attraction'. Simply put, that is the feeling when you look at someone, and you KNOW that you want to have sexual relations with them. Your body has reactions that might let you know this, like an erection, and you could imagine yourself doing those things. Aces aren't like that! We don't have those urges. I could go the rest of my life happily not having sex--and I've never looked at someone and wanted to do that. Now, like I said, there are quite a few umbrella versions, but that is the general description. Important things to note however: Asexual people CAN CHOOSE to have sex! If you're an Allo who has ever done it with someone you weren't exactly turned on by, then you can understand what I'm talking about. Some Aces can even ENJOY the act of sex! The two aren't necessarily related--remember, we're just talking about lacking the basic spark of sexual attraction. On the flip side, some Aces are so sex repulsed that the very idea makes them sick. If you know an Ace person, you should ask their opinion on sex before you talk about it with them--it might make them EXTREMELY uncomfortable! On that note, plenty of Asexual people are in the kink community, and enjoy BDSM. How can that be, you might ask? Well, for one, read above again about Aces and Sexual relations. But also, if you aren't in those communities, you may not realize just how much power plays into that. Some people enjoy the power play more than the sex!! So if your knee-jerk reaction to finding out someone is Ace and has sex is to think they are 'faking it', please...don't. You can't know what a person's internal workings are like.

So, why would an Asexual person want a relationship? How would that even work, anyway? Isn't it just like being friends? Well I'm glad you asked! Remember earlier when I said that Asexuality is only about the lack of SEXUAL attraction? ROMANTIC attraction has its own categories! Aromantics are people who aren't ROMANTICALLY attracted to other people. I won't get into that here, but suffice it to say that Aces can be as romantic and loving as anyone else, and many want a happy relationship! As for being like friends--imagine your partner or spouse. If you suddenly couldn't have sex with them, would it feel like the two of you were 'just friends'? No, of course not! Romantic attachment forms bonds that are completely different from platonic friendship. Lack of sex isn't the only thing that keeps your friendships from being 'romantic relationships', and if it is, you, uh...might want to reevaluate some things!!

A few other common items I want to mention before I bring this quick Ace 101 course to a close: Is being Ace just like being celibate? Not at all! Choosing to remain celibate is just that--a CHOICE. Someone who is celibate still has all their natural sexual attraction, they are just choosing not to act on those feelings for whatever reason. Aces don't have those urges, or that natural sexual attraction!

Can you become Asexual through trauma or other reasons? The long and the short answer is: Yes. One of the great things about the LGBTQIA+ community is that you should be free to come and go as you discover more about your own truth. That is also why gatekeeping is so dangerous--you shouldn't have to 'register' as Gay or Ace or Trans, or present as those things in a way that suits other people. If you, in your heart, find that one of these labels suits you, then that is what you are for now! Gender and sexuality are a journey most people aren't encouraged to discover until they're older. If you realize you are Ace at 70, you are just as valid as someone who found out earlier, or someone who underwent severe trauma and now no longer feels sexual attraction. If YOU are comfortable with where you're at, that's the only thing that matters! But if it is something that causes you distress, then please look into it. Sometimes lack of sexual attraction IS caused by physical or psychological factors that can be reversed. (Although again, more often than not it simply causes lack of libido, not necessarily lack of attraction.)

Last but not least...what's the thing with the cake? Haha! Good question! When Aces were beginning to find one another and set up their own communities, several inside jokes began to emerge. Imagery of ace playing cards, dragons, 'space ace', and of course cake, sprang up as quirky ways to reference that. The idea being that you would rather have cake than sex!!

I really hope I didn't miss anything obvious, but I'm just writing this on the fly because realizing my Asexuality was such a huge stepping-stone on my path to being more comfortable with myself, and understanding myself as a whole. I spent my teenage years terrified of and yearning for a relationship--the reason being, of course, that in my mind, dating and sex went hand in hand, and I wanted the one but was terrified of the other. So many people take sexual attraction for granted, without realizing how alienating that can be for people who DON'T feel that attraction. It's pervasive!! It's everywhere! And then to be treated as though that expectation isn't as all-encompassing as it is, or that it actually doesn't exist at all, is cultural gaslighting.

Anyway! I hope everyone had a wonderful pride month. <3 Hope to see you for the next one! Have an awesome July as well, what the heck! And if you have any questions about Asexuality, my messages are always open. I aim to inform. (And feel free to share this if you want!! Knowledge is power, but making things that seem awkward to talk about less taboo is ALSO power!)

#Pride month #Asexual pride #Asexuality #Ace #Forgive me if any of the details here are inaccurate or exaggerated #I'm not a doctor or a Queer Historian #just an Ace person trying to make asexuality more well known #this is obviously more for allos/cis/het people than people in the queer community #if you have anything to add feel free to stick it in the comments #but please be kind!#<3 #long post #text post #sketchy talks

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bisluthq · 3 years

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Not to stay on this topic but I think I should add my feelings as well since I have been holding them in. Nat, we get it the Ashley Graham stunt was cringy and embarrassing and Kaydom’s version of Karlie isn’t true at all. But sometimes it gets uncomfortable because you sometimes will entertain the idea that Karlie and Taylor hooked up and may have had something messy and that Karlie has bottom energy then in the other breath say that Karlie has such aggressively straight girl vibes and say it in such a judgy way that I feel like I can almost see you rolling your eyes.I don’t think you even realize how that may come across to femmes who face erasure all the time even though you’re a femme yourself. Maybe it’s because of how you feel about Karlie. It’s like sometimes I would be ready to laugh along with you about how this girl is soo straight and then some of your points are things I also do and it’s like ohhh. I mean I want to laugh at straight girl stereotypes too. Some stereotypes can be fun & harmless like how you pointed out that article about bisexuals not sitting well in chairs - at least I think that was you- but the things you point out about Karlie don’t even sound like really widely held stereotypes or not any I’ve heard except for the movie night girl kiss. Then other takes are not funny for me because I’m a lesbian and find myself relating to certain things probably because I behave in a way that people might view as very girly girl. Then it seems like you think she couldn’t be some version of queer and also love Josh with her entire being as well and want to do everything to be with him and that feels problematic as well. I feel like if you knew me and all the stupid stuff I did just to be with my girlfriend you’d call me a golden retriever too. And maybe this rant is less about you and more about how I feel like somewhere along the line society seems to have decided that being a girly girl is uncool, annoying and demeaning. It’s like you’re not the right type of girl if you love pink, played with barbies till you were 12 and love love and definitely - you automatically belong to the dumb blonde category- and you are most definitely not the right type of lesbian or sapphic. No one takes you seriously in the community or anywhere else if you’re a certain type of femme. Even if you have a whole girlfriend. I still have family members who will gossip and have no shame in telling me to my face that they’re just waiting for the day I finish experimenting and laugh like we’re all in on the same joke. I could be out with my girlfriend at a bar and men will still try to flirt with me even after I point out that we’re a couple. I’ve been in queer spaces and felt like an alien and a complete outsider. You’re not feminist enough if you’re a girly girl who cares about appearing attractive. Heaven forbid you’re a girly girl and in love. I feel like I’m very much the type of girl that would get called a pick me girl. Hence why I hate the whole she’s such a pick me girl statements. I haven’t seen you saying it, this is just something I observe in general. For me, it’s like aren’t all types of women and individuals valid? I call myself a feminist but I feel like there are people out there who’d look at me and roll their eyes. And that’s for almost everything about me.

I hear you - and other anons on this - and I agree I wasn’t right.

Like you say to me it was mostly comedy, partly genuine annoyance at Karlie (which is just a personal thing), and a HUGE dose of “what the fuck were Kays on when they made up boyfriend Karlie!???!!!??”

But I hear that it hurt people and there’s a really good take by Bill Hader which I always apply to stuff like this. He said “I’m never interested in upsetting anybody” and like... idk that’s my rule on playing shit for laughs.

So to me it was funny specifically because this woman had this reputation of being Klossanova able to derobe women with a glance or whatever but like irl she was a sweet, kind, peppy, nerdy, energetic golden retriever (/affectionate).

What I didn’t think through tho was in laughing at what she actually was relative to what she’d been sold as to me - and to many others - I was making people who relate to her feel bad about themselves.

And the thing is there’s nothing wrong with relating to her.

And I shouldn’t have made people feel like there is.

Again, Karlie is most likely someone who identifies straight (whether she is or isn’t) based on how she has positioned herself publicly with relation to the community. She hasn’t been confusing like Taylor and her “our pride” shit - like Kar is very straightforwardly an ally.

However, many people anywhere from Kinsey 1 to 6 act like her.

And those people are queer enough and aren’t bad or embarrassing and shouldn’t be made to feel that way.

So I unreservedly apologize for hurting y’all.

And I promise to do better.

When I talk to Kar’s girly stereotypes it will be in a positive way, designed to make anyone - queer or straight - who shares those traits feel good about themselves.

Again, I’m sorry and I really appreciate everyone taking the time to share this stuff with me.

#nat talks klossy

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goldenspecter · 4 years

Text

Wash and Go

summary: wash and go (or wash 'n go) - a method of cleaning and styling hair without the use of heat, protective styling or any other manipulation techniques and a staple in the natural hair community.

Valerie hadn't expected to style a ghost kid's hair, especially one as powerful as Clockwork, but she believes that everyone should have a good hair experience. She just didn't think it would be the start of something new.

Word Count: 6,970

Archive of Our Own FFN

This fic takes place early season 1, like maybe a week or so after "Parental Bonding".

-I headcanon Clockwork to be black and queer/nonbinary and express that through all my fics that I've written. Maybe not as explicit as calling out skin tones but through little things like AAVE(African-American Vernacular) and their hair type. So at the very least, they were coded to be read as black whenever I write them. Valerie uses AAVE terms so if there are words that pop out at you that you don't instantly recognize/aren't sure of, that's AAVE and it's used in its correct context. This fic serves as a reclamation of blackness/black culture for CW, Valerie and Tucker, for more on that, it’s included on the AO3/FFN versions but not this one since I didn’t want to clutter it any further with notes.

-Music in this phic: Green Eggs and Ham by Princess Nokia and VRY BLK by Jamila Woods ft Noname

---

It’s quiet in her room and the young, small, blue ghost that she mysteriously acquired is laying in her bed, watching a video on their prized console. They-Clockwork, is quiet, curling in on themselves, as if to make themselves smaller than what they truly are and it rubs Valerie the wrong way. She’s not quite sure how, but she knows that something is off. As an attempt to ease the small child, Valerie moves in to run her fingers through their hair in an attempt to comfort them when her fingers are stuck in thick silver curls and Clockwork hisses in pain, but doesn’t make any move to pull away or pry her fingers out of their hair.

“Chile, do you not comb your hair? When was the last time you ran a comb through that?” Valerie asks, gentle maneuvering her fingers out of the thick, nappy hair.

“You’re supposed to comb it?” asks Clockwork, voice tinged with confusion.

“Yes, you’re supposed to comb it!” Valerie almost shrieks, because what parent doesn’t teach their own child to comb their hair or style it for them? Hair was such an important thing for children. It spoke volumes about people, the luscious curls, vibrant blacks and deep browns that stand proudly on top of your head, and she knows each and every hairstyle she rocks is breathtaking and commands attention to her personhood. She can’t imagine a child not being taught to take pride in their hair and the fact that this child hasn’t been taught to be prideful of their hair both saddens and enrages her. She notices the subtle flinch before she softens her voice, “Sorry about that but do your parents really not comb your hair?”

Clockwork is silent before shaking their head, “They said it’s too much trouble,” they say, voice soft. “So they cut it short when it grew out too much. Saved everyone time.”

Valerie’s eyes darken in rage and she has to take cartoonishly deep breaths before she can speak. What kind of parent does that shit? To give up on their child, not bothering to take care of their needs and all but giving up on them? She takes another deep breath and speaks in a low voice, “Well, we’re gonna change that.”

Clockwork furrows an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

“I’m going to do your hair,” she says, “That is, if you’re okay with it.”

“No one wants to do my hair,” Clockwork says quickly, “It’s a pain to do and I’m too much of a baby for anyone to do it. I always cry and scream too much when my guardians try.”

It takes every fiber in Valerie’s body to hold back a venomous retort about how shitty Clockwork’s parents sound, because at the very least, she knows that her anger at their parents will be misconstrued and that Clockwork will grow to be afraid of her. Instead, she puts a hand under their chin and gently turns their head to make them look at her.

“Getting your hair combed sounds scary, I get it,” Valerie starts, “However, it's not healthy to keep avoiding it like this. You gotta do it at some point, and if you decide that after this you wanna get your haircut and keep it short, that’s fine. But at the very least, you deserve to have a good experience when it comes to your hair and I would like to be the one to provide that for you if you like.”

Clockwork falls silent, before nodding hesitantly.

Valerie is surprised that they agreed to something like this so quickly, that they trust her with something so intimate, but she does nothing to convey her surprise. Instead, she stands up and puts her hands on her hips. “Alright, first step is to wash your hair.”

Fifteen minutes later, Valerie gathers two combs, shampoo and conditioner sets them down on the counter of the kitchen sink as she finishes cleaning off the counter. It doesn’t take her long to do so, and when she finishes, she gently motions for Clockwork to come over. Clockwork obediently comes over, tightly holding the dry towel to their chest, their grip tightening when they eye the combs laying on the counter.

“Will it hurt?” they ask, looking down at the ground.. It’s not how a child typically asks when parents have to disinfect cuts and scrapes, but from a child who knows and has been through some serious pain. Valerie’s heart aches for this child she barely knows. She’d love to meet their parents because she has a lot of questions to ask, most of which involve a lead pipe.

“Yea, it will,” she says honestly, not wanting to lie to Clockwork. “Especially since you’ve never had your hair combed but I promise you I will do my best to not make it hurt anymore than it has to.”

“You promise?” Clockwork asks.

Valerie nods. “Come on up here squirt. Let’s get started.” She helps Clockwork onto the counter, moving one hand on their back while the other rests on their chest and she slowly but gently guides their head to hover above the sink. Once Valerie thinks that Clockwork is steady, she slowly removes her hands and moves to turn one of the sink knobs. She slides her hand under the water, slowly waiting for it to get hot enough before she touches the knob for cold water. Valerie puts her hand under the water again, deems it warm enough before she pulls out the spray head and starts to wet Clockwork’s hair.

“Is this too hot?” she asks.

Clockwork squirms a little, pulling their head back from the water. Valerie holds their head still but moves the nozzle away from them and turns the cold water on just a little bit more. She puts the nozzle back at their hair, “How about now?”

“Yes, thank you.” they say.

“No problem. I promised you would have a good experience and this is an important part.” Valerie says, moving the nozzle around to thoroughly wet Clockwork’s hair.

Valerie occasionally fluffs their hair as she wets it. Once she determines that it's fully drenched, she places the spray head back into its socket, grabs the shampoo and opens it with a loud click.

She squeezes a nice dollop of it in her hand to start out and begins to massage the shampoo into Clockwork’s hair. “I wasn’t sure what scent you’d like best so I picked out lavender to start with. We can shop for more if you want to keep this up.”

“I like lavender.” they say, then a moment later, “If I want to keep this up?”

“Yea, if you like how this turns out, then we can keep this up. We can try out different hairstyles, do whatever you want. I can ask dad to buy more hair stuff from the store.” Valerie answers, adding more shampoo to Clockwork’s hair and deeply massaging it in with the soapy suds coating her hands.

“You want to keep doing my hair?” asks Clockwork and Valerie knows that they’re asking much more than that. You want to keep trying? You aren’t ready to give up hope on me? You don’t want to quit?

“Yes, if you let me.” Valerie says, because she loves doing hair. She loves styling it. Taking something that’s so beautiful in its raw form, magnifying its beauty with braids, twisting, heat is a magic all on its own and she’s so glad that she’s able to take part in that magic.

Clockwork lets out a tiny ‘ok’ so softly that Valerie has to really strain her ears to hear them. She can tell that she’s made them uncomfortable so she quickly dries her hands, opens Spotify on her phone and plays some music. Her voice and body falls into the trap that the music lays out for her and so soon, she swings her hips as she sings proudly while still continuing to wash Clockwork’s hair.

“Love my inner child, Kool-Aid smile

I been like this for a while

Going into town, gonna find a crowd

Right by the kids in the park with the style”

Her joy is contagious, as Clockwork begins to tap their hand against their chest with the beat. Valerie’s nails scratch against their scalp, causing Clockwork to let out a groan.

“Something wrong?”

Clockwork immediately shakes their head, “No. Just- that felt good. Can-can you keep doing that?”

“Of course,” Valerie says as she presses her fingers into their scalp, massaging the skin with varying pressures to both distribute the foamy substance and pamper the neglected area." “Is it too much pressure or good enough?”

“Uhh...good enough?” Clockwork answers, and Valerie can tell that she’s hit the sweet spot. “I like the pressure, I don’t know why.”

“It’s okay not to know why,” Valerie reassures them, pulling the nozzle and rinsing out the shampoo before adding more into the child’s hair. “But to be honest? It just feels good to have someone massage your hair and that’s okay.”

“Really?”

“Mhmm. When my dad used to wash my hair, I loved it when he massaged my hair.” Valerie says, continuing to massage their hair. Her music is still playing, hiding a smile when she hears Clockwork softly humming to her music.

Her hands pull at several strands of silver hair at the nape of Clockwork’s nape. “Do you hear any squeaking?”

“A little? What does it mean if it’s squeaking?”

“Your hair’s clean. Hold your ears closed, I don't want water to get in them. Swimmer’s ear is hell.” says Valerie, thoroughly rinsing out the soap and suds before she adds more. “I’ll wash it again just to make sure. I want it completely free of any build up of dirt or dandruff before I style it.”

Valerie washes Clockwork’s hair a third time, this time making sure that she completely scrubs out all of the dirt and dandruff that might have built up before she rinses out the soap and suds for the last time. She gets the bottle of conditioner, begins to squeeze it out, and rubs into Clockwork’s hair.

Once there’s an ample amount of condition in Clockwork’s hair, Valerie reaches across the sink to grab one of her combs, a golden wide tooth comb and readies it in her hand. Clockwork eyes the comb with great suspicion, instinctively scooting away from the menacing comb.

Valerie notices and rests her hand on their chest to stop them in their tracks. “Look, I know, I know. It’s scary, it’s going to hurt a lot, especially since you haven’t had a lot of experience with this.” Valerie begins, voice soft. “If you need to scream, cry, whatever, then go ahead and do it. I’m not going to stop you. Okay?”

“Okay.” Clockwork whispers, bracing themselves to feel the teeth of the comb dig into their hair.

Valerie places the comb at Clockwork’s edges, pulls the comb through the hair to form a part, occasionally having to pull the tangled strands apart by hands. During this Clockwork hisses, kicking the side of the island in pain. She does this two more times, effectively parting the soaking wet hair into three sections. Valerie fully sinks the teeth of the comb into their hair, starting at the scalp and begins to pull the comb through, collecting dead hair as it goes through stopping at the ends. Valerie focuses on the ends, where its the most tangled, combing it through multiple times to get it to that silky smoothness.

She retracts the comb from their hair, pulls the dead hair piling in between the teeth of the comb and puts it in the strainer at the bottom of the sink to be collected when she finishes. Valerie combs through the first section one last time and nods in satisfaction at how easily she can run the comb through their hair.

Sticking the comb in Clockwork's hair, she does a quick check in. “How are we feeling?” she asks.

Clockwork quickly wipes away any tears pooling at the corners of their eyes before they turn their head to look at her. “It hurts, but I think I’ll be okay.” they say.

Valerie quirks an eyebrow. Getting hair combed hurts like hell, even when combed often. They have to be in some serious pain for how tenderheaded they were. “You sure?” she presses, “I can stop for a few minutes if you like. It’s not a big deal, Clockwork.”

The small child shakes their head, “No,” they say, a soft sob itching to be let loose but they manage to suppress it. “You can keep going.”

“Okay,” Valerie says quietly, pulling the comb out of Clockwork’s hair and resumes by starting to comb out the next section. Clockwork continues to hiss in pain, but doesn’t do anything to stop her.

Dead hair continues to gather at the bottom of the sink as she combs through the sections.

“What’s this song? I like it.” Clockwork asks, Valerie muses that they’re trying to focus on something other than the pain.

“VRY BLK by Jamila Woods and Noname. It’s one of my favorites.” She pulls the hair from the teeth of the comb before returning the comb through their hair. “Would you like me to turn it up?”

They nod, “Yes please.”

Valerie dries her hands on her shirt, grabs her phone to turn the volume up and starts the song over. A soft steady percussion starts up and slowly takes over the kitchen.

“Black is like the magic, the magic's like a spell

My brothers went to heaven, the police going to, yeah, they're going to

Hello operator, emergency hotline

If I say that I can't breathe, will I become a chalk line

Up to see the movie, line up to see the act”

Valerie takes pride in her voice, as she continues to sing as she finishes combing out Clockwork’s hair, and smiles as she can hear them sing along to the chorus very softly. They aren’t flinching from the pain as much and she considers that to be a monumental improvement. She runs the comb through several more times to make sure that their hair was fully combed out before she rinses out the conditioner in their hair.

When the conditioner is completely rinsed out, she turns the water off, gathers the clumps of hair sitting in the strainer and dumps them in the trash can. She returns to the sink, helps Clockwork sit up, pulls the towel away from them, and drapes the towel around their neck. Valerie holds out a hand for Clockwork to hold onto and pulls them off the counter.

“How was it?”

Clockwork runs a hand through their hair, eyes widening in surprise that it’s free from kinks. “It’s...good. It felt good.”

Valerie beams, “Good.” She grabs the combs, her phone, and a chair that’s in front of the kitchen island and takes with her into the downstairs bathroom. “Come along Clockwork!”

Clockwork follows after her, droplets of water forming a trail behind them. They’re standing outside the bathroom when she wordlessly gestures for them to sit in the chair in front of the mirror. Clockwork struggles to get in the chair since it’s the chair is a bit higher than them but they manage to hop in. when they finally hop on the chair, they are entranced by their reflection staring back at them in the mirror. They pull at a few strands of silver hair, looking on in curiosity as it unravels and coils back once they let go.

This was what their hair looked like when it was combed, washed and treated with care? Impossible. It looks.. too good. Healthy. It’s on their head, so it has to be their hair. Maybe they shouldn't get too attached because Valerie says she would be willing to keep this up, but what if she grows tired of doing it and ends up cutting it like the Observants.

“Looks great doesn’t it?” Valerie says, cutting them out of their thoughts.

Clockwork nods, “I can’t believe that this is what my hair looks like.” they say in awe, because holy shit this is what their hair actually looks like. Their vision blurs and before they can wipe their tears away, Valerie’s hands are already there, whipping away the tears that spilled over.

“If you think this looks good now, just wait until I’m finished.” Valerie says, excitement bleeding in her voice. She takes the towel off their neck and drapes it across the chair. Grabbing the comb, Valerie quickly combs through their hair and sections it into four big plaits.

Valerie takes down one of the braids in the back, pulls out a jar of curl defining creme, opens it up and scoops some out with her fingers. She then slabs the cream on top of their hair before she takes time to really work it through, pulling her fingers through the hair to define the curls. Her hands dive back into the jar to scoop out some more and continue massaging it through Clockwork’s hair, saturating the hair with the cream.

Clockwork is quiet throughout the process, casually stimming as Valerie did their hair and they honestly couldn’t believe how easy it was so far? Why couldn’t the Observants do something like this?

“It’s so smooth,” Clockwork says.

“Yea, glad I combed your hair out right?” Valerie jokes with a smile.

She gets a fervent nod as her answer. "Me too. Otherwise, it would be a helluva lot harder to do this."

The music still plays in the background as Valerie finishes one section, takes down another braid and continues the process. It takes about an hour to do, and that hour goes by quickly.

When Valerie finally finishes, she proudly puts her hands on her hips, "What's the verdict so far?" she waits for Clockwork's reaction.

Clockwork leans forward in the chair to get a closer look at their hair. This is actually, really their hair. Fingers slowly pull at some of the defined curls hanging in front of their face and coming away with a build up of the cream between their fingers.

“It’s so pretty.” Clockwork says in awe, and as much they don’t want to, they can’t help but be prideful of their hair. They look at Valerie. “What now?”

“We let it dry.” says Valerie. “It takes a few hours to do.”

“I’m a Time Master!” Clockwork answers, gesturing to the clock in their chest. “I can speed time up, and you won’t even notice!”

“Oh we don’t have to wait that long.” Clockwork says simply.

“How so?” Valerie answers, “Unless you’re talking about a hairdryer, I don’t know what you’re on about.”

“You? A Time Master?” Valerie asks, seeing Clockwork nod enthusiastically, quirks an eyebrow. “You’re so young.”

She doesn’t give herself time to think about how she literally just did a Time Master’s hair. Because holy shit, if this child is so powerful, then how powerful were their parents?

Clockwork frowns, “That’s what everyone says. The Observants think so too, but here I am!” They force themselves to smile and Valerie thinks there’s so much more to that bright and cheery optimism that Clockwork is exuding.

“Yea, you are. But I think using your powers to dry up your hair is cheating.” Valerie says gently. “If you want to truly experience this, then you gotta wait like the rest of us mere mortals.”

“How long does it take?”

“Four hours. Give or take.” says Valerie, “Sometimes I use a blow dryer to speed it up a little bit if I’m not in the mood to wait that long. I can use a blow dryer if you want?”

“Yes please.”

“Okay.” Valerie goes into the bathroom closet, rummaging through the piles of towels, hair products, and bed sheets until she comes across the blow dryer. She gets, heads back to the sink, reaches over Clockwork to plug it in the wall, and drapes the tower over their neck. “It’ll get a bit hot, just let me know if it’s too much.”

“I know it’ll get hot, that’s what they’re supposed to do. I’m not a baby.” Clockwork says smartly and Valerie can’t help glaring at the small child.

“You and I, we finna fight.” She says with a smile. “But seriously, tell me if it’s too hot, okay?”

“I don’t see the point, but okay I guess.” Uneasiness grows in Valerie’s stomach, what the hell has this child been through for them to not take their own limitations seriously? What the hell have these Observants done?

Valerie is seriously starting to question that she needs a lead pipe when she finally does talk to these Observants.

Valerie turns the blow dryer on, keeping it several inches away from Clockwork’s hair, moves it around their head, the heat of the blow dryer slowly but surely drying it a bit. She occasionally wraps her hand around the curls, to feel how wet their hair is and to make sure that she doesn’t dry it too much.

“How’s the heat?” She asks.

“Hot.”

“That’s what blowdryers are supposed do.” She mimics from earlier, laughing when Clockwork glares at her. “Is it too much?”

A firm shake of the head, “No? I don’t think so? It feels kinda nice.”

“Cool, cool. I’m only doing this for another minute or two since I don’t wanna dry it out too much.” Valerie blow dries it for another 5 or so minutes before she cuts the blow dryer off, unplugs it, wraps the cord around it and stuffs it back in the closet.

Clockwork slides off the chair, shuffles towards Valerie, who presses a hand against the top of their hair.

“Hmm, it’s still somewhat wet. It shouldn’t take more than two hours for it to fully dry out.” Valerie guesses.

The child fumbles with their gloved fingers. “What do you normally do while you wait?”

Valerie rests a hand under her chin. “I watch tv, play a game or two, read a book if I don’t have homework to do.” Eying Clockwork, she continues. “Homework isn’t that important though, what would you like to do?”

“I dunno?” Clockwork says shyly, pointedly looking at the ground.

She doesn’t say it out loud because she’s certain it would embarrass them, but the way Clockwork acts is oh so similar to the little kids that she babysits for some quick and easy money and that in and of itself is so damn adorable.

“What do you normally do then?”

“I mainly watch the timestreams! Or I train on my powers! Sometimes I have to attend some meetings or handle some crisis that the timelines are going through at times.”

‘Does this child do nothing but work?’ Valere thinks to herself. “Do you do anything for fun?”

“I don’t have time for fun. Not when there’s important work to be done.” Clockwork says with a derisive snort, sounding so much older than the seven/eight year old they are. “Humanity’s a little bit more important than me having fun.”

“I’m sorry but what the fuck is wrong with your parents?” Valerie snaps.

Clockwork flinches and Valerie immediately regrets it.“There’s nothing wrong with the Observants. They’re doing just fine.”

Valerie growls, pressing her hands to her temples, trying and failing to suppress the frustration that she’s experiencing right now. “Yes there is. My dad doesn’t make me work all the time, your parents shouldn’t either.”

“But that’s different!” Clockwork shouts.

“How the fuck is it different?”

“You’re a human child! You wouldn’t understand!”

“You’re a child too!” Valerie shouts. “You are a literal child! You’re younger than me!”

Clockwork sputters at that, trying and failing to come up with a response. “But I’m a Time Master-”

Valerie clasps a hand on one of their shoulders, “You might be a Time Master, but you are a child first and foremost. That’s the most important thing for you to be and the Observants are wrong to teach you otherwise.”

The teen pulls Clockwork into a tight hug, “How about we play a game or something? We can do whatever you want.”

Clockwork’s muffled voice mumbles out, “Really?”

“Really.”

“Can I show you my tower?” Clockwork asks excitedly, pulling away from her and she can visibly see the way Clockworks eyes light up. “It’s really cool, there’s a lot of rooms, hallways and books-”

Valerie presses a finger against Clockwork’s lips, “Why talk about it when you can show me it?”

"I'm not really the best at teleporting. I have accidents sometimes," Clockwork admits softly. "I don't think I'd be any good teleporting two people."

She shrugs, "Maybe you aren't. Perhaps there's other ways to get there."

"There are but natural portals take forever to form and there aren't any in Amity Park." Clockwork says, "Guess we'll have to teleport there."

Valerie raises an eyebrow, looking down at the young Time Master. "I thought you weren't any good at it." She says suspiciously.

Clockwork doesn't say anything as they run towards Valerie. "We'll have to find out won't we?" They say, jumping up, diving into Valerie, wrapping their arms around her. A portal formed behind the two children, both of them falling through the portal and Valerie landed on her bottom as they came from the other side with Clockwork buried into their chest. Clockwork sits up, looks down at Valerie and tilts their head.

"Did I do good?" Clockwork asks.

Valerie pulls herself up, uses her elbows to keep herself propped up, and looks around. The simple bathroom that her and Clockwork was in is gone, the house, everything that she knew is nowhere to be found and was replaced with scrying portals twice her size and clock gears of various sizes. Valerie questions why there are so many gears here, since it seems like it would be dangerous for a young kid like Clockwork to be around no matter how smart or cautious they seem. But she doesn't say it out loud, instead, saving it for whenever she finally meets these Observants. She looks to her left and her right, the seeing the hallways that Clockwork mentioned from earlier, but the more she stares down the hall, the more they grow in size and loom over her, the discomfort that started off small growing until she can actually feel it gnaw at her.

Clockwork taps her shoulders and she jolts, tensing her shoulders before remembering that it was only just Clockwork as she loosens the tension in her shoulders and lets out a deep breath.

"Did I do good?" they ask again.

Valerie looks around one last time, really taking in the scenery of the tower, how everything the tower touches seems to be saturated in green overtones, the overwhelming sense that everything about this place feels so unnatural, disconcerting and wrong and that a simple human like her wasn't meant to be here. Slowly, she nods her head, not wanting Clockwork to pick up on her uneasiness.

"You did great buddy." she says. "You mind getting off of me?"

Clockwork beams at the praise, floating off of Valerie and helping her stand up. Once she's up off the ground, they look up at her with wide expectant eyes. "Can I give you that tour now?" They ask, tail flicking behind them excitedly.

"Yea, sure buddy." Valerie says, yelping when Clockwork takes her hand and begins dragging her through the halls to give her the tour of the citadel.

As Clockwork gives the tour, she takes note of all the empty rooms that have been repurposed for gardens and apocatheries, libraries brimming with rare books that are worth more than what her father will make in his entire life time, how Clockwork is just so enthused with bringing someone along to show them empty rooms devoid of life and personality and she has to wonder how lonely they have to be.

She's not sure how long the tour was, but it felt like it was over before it truly started. Green eyes catch a door with a startling amount of locks on it and her curiosity shines through.

"What's behind that door?" she asks.

Clockwork tenses, the grip they have on her hand tightening. "It's nothing." they say with a tight voice, pulling Valerie along as the two move away from the door. "Let's go."

"Is it dangerous?"

"Tour's over." they say cryptically.

So it is dangerous. "Why is there something so dangerous in your tower?" She asks, walking behind them. "Why would these Observants leave something like that with a little kid? What if you got hurt?"

Clockwork shrugs, "It's not like I don't heal up, I'm usually fine."

"Usually? What about when you aren't?"

"I heal. Eventually. and I get over it." Clockwork says, leading Valerie back to the area where they started from. "That's it."

"Don't these Observants help you heal or get better?"

Clockwork raises an eyebrow and shakes their head in a manner that says 'dont ask stupid questions.' "No? Why would they? I get myself in trouble, I get myself out of it." They say nonchalantly, turning their back to Valerie as they wave a hand to change the image on their scrying portal. "You wanna see something cool?"

Valerie begins to shake her head to argue about the Observants, but whatever she is going to say dies down in her throat when she sees the hopeful look on Clockwork's face begging her to drop the subject.

Reluctantly, she nods her head, "Sure why not?"

Clockwork beams at her, grabs her hand and pulls her into the scrying portal. Valerie doesn't have time to think about how she feels like she's wading through jelly as she goes through the portal and how her body goes numb for several seconds after she stumbles through the portal before she finally catches herself awkwardly standing on her tippy toes, body lurching forward and just one misstep away from falling flat on her face

Time travel, she supposes, isn't really meant for humans.

"Are you okay?” Clockwork asks, “I’ve never had a human travel with me before.”

Valerie nods, before her throat coats itself in bile, feels it rise and fills her mouth and she immediately shakes her head. The fourteen year old throws herself over the closest ledge, leaning over and throwing up the bile that came out of nowhere. Her legs buckle as she continues throwing up before she finally stops, resting limply for a few moments. Valerie pushed herself off of the ledge, shakily pulls herself back together, before turning around to face Clockwork.

“If I wasn’t fine before,” she rasps out. “I’m fine now.”

Clockwork raises an eyebrow, “Are you sure?”

Nodding her head, “My mouth feels gross but some water should do me some good.”

“Okay.” Clockwork says, slipping their hand into hers and guiding her away from the stone ledge. “There’s a resturant around here somewhere, we can get you some water.”

It finally crosses Valerie’s mind to ask where she is. “Where are we anyways?”

“Rome.” Clockwork says offhandedly.

“Ancient Rome?” Valerie asks.

“Noooo,” Clockwork says with a laugh, looking up at one of the street names before crossing the street. “Present day Rome. Don’t get me wrong, ancient Rome is cool and all, I just didn’t think you would like to see gladiators, deal with the stench-Romans bathe but like, Rome is still gross and all the other nastiness that goes on.”

Oh. She didn’t consider that. She wonders from the way they’re crossing the street, with no one really paying attention to them, if they were really there. “Can they see us?”

“Who?”

With her only free hand, she vaguely gestures to everyone around them. “Them!”

Finally understanding who Valerie was referring to, Clockwork shakes their head. “No. to them we don’t really exist? I don’t know how to explain it, but whatever we do right now isn’t really going to impact the timeline.”

Valerie doesn’t really get it. Maybe it’s because she’s not a Master of Time and doesn’t really understand the complexities that come with the passage of time and if she was quite honest, she’s grateful that she’s just a human who interacts with time in such a simple and straightforward way. Valerie doesn’t get it, but she trusts this kid that’s pulling her through the streets of Rome.

The two walk by several clothing shops before finally making it to that restaurant that Clockwork mentioned earlier. Valerie looks up to see the name of the restaurant and is taken aback when she sees the white double arches standing out against the black drapes.

“McDonald’s?” Valerie asks, a hand on her hip. “Of all the places in Rome and you choose McDonald’s?”

“McDonalds is considered a restaurant, so I technically brought you to one.” Clockwork says arrogantly, curling their fingers around the door handle. “You don’t have to come in if you don’t want to.”

Clockwork pulls the door open and enters. Valerie grumbles and begrudgingly follows after them, slipping through the open space before the door closes, her potential complaints dying down when she saw the interior of the McDonalds. Black bricks on the floor, with dining booths covered in leather, each one separated by wood and marble. She takes a few steps forward, taking in how...sophisticated this McDonald’s looks. As she marvels at the decor, her eyes move away from the furniture and flooring before they linger and gaze in awe at the sculpture cornered a few steps away from the tables.

Valerie steps in front of the statue, a beautiful Roman woman with a dress. Her arms were missing, and the dress rests below her chest, each of the folds immaculately sculpted in the marble. Valerie reaches her hand out to touch the detailed folds of the dress, but retracts her hand in fear that if she touches something so beautiful, it’ll break and crumble in her hands.

“It’s not going to break, you know,” Clockwork says, “It’s not the original sculpture, the original is in a museum if you want to see it.”

She looks down at them, then back at the sculpture. “Do you know who did it?”

Clockwork shrugs. “I dont know but it’s no Venus de Milo.” They turn away, walking down the steps, and heading into the main area of the restaurant. “You still want that water?”

Remembering how dry and parched her throat is, Valerie nods, stepping down and walking into the main part of McDonald’s and she’s taken aback at how fancy it looks. The Nasty Burger could never look like this, “It’s a fancy McDonald’s, I’ll give it that.”

“I thought all McDonald's look like this?" They ask.

"Chile no," she scoffs, they walk past the people and stop in front of a self-service kiosk. Valerie taps the screen and orders herself her much needed water.

"Can you throw in some fries please?" Clockwork asks. "Nuggets too!"

"Aren't you hungry?" She teases, adding the requested items to the cart. "I could go for some fries and a chicken sandwich myself."

Adding the items to the order, she taps finish, and when the payment page comes up, she turns to Clockwork. "And how do you propose we pay for all of this?" She asks, "I don't have any of my money on me."

Clockwork bites their lip, before leaning over and tapping the screen, and fiddling with it before it shows that the order was paid for it. The kiosk spits out a receipt, Valerie takes it and eyes Clockwork suspiciously. "What did you do? I thought you said we don't really have an impact on the timeline."

"I just took advantage of a little loophole in the system," they say innocently. Looking up at Valerie, they shy away from her disapproving frown, turning away from her appearant disappointment as they explain themselves. "It's not going to hurt anyone, and we don't really have an impact on the timeline right now."

Valerie notices how they turn away from her, and decides to let up, relaxing the tense muscles on her face. She wasn't happy that they technically stole from the people here, but she won't harp on them too much. They say it won't really have an impact on the people here, so that doesn't make it that terrible right? Shaking her head, Valerie moves away from the kiosk, towards the register and waits for their food to be served. Ten minutes pass by, she hears their order number called out, grabs the food, rolls the top of the bag inward to keep the food hot, and searches for a table that isn't too full to sit at. Clockwork stays close to her, and she offhandedly notices how their hand slips into the crook of their elbow and latch themselves close to her. Something foreign blooms in her chest but she squashes it down before she can put a name to it or fully explore it, blaming it on the weirdness involving Clockworks powers.

She finally finds them a place to eat, an area that seemed to be a bit secluded and didn't have as many people in the area. Valerie and Clockwork sit down at a semicircle shaped booth several feet behind a case of glass holding cups with plants in. Clockwork slides in the booth first, Valerie slides in next and sets the food on the table. Opening the bag, she pulls out the Clockwork's food along with some ketchup and honey mustard packets and gives it to them.

Clockwork pulls their fries and nuggets close, dips some fries in the ketchup and sticks them in their mouth. "Thank you!" they say happily, swinging their feet as they continue to eat. Valerie doesn't say anything back, opting to open her chicken sandwich and taking a bite out of it.The two children eat in silence-rather, Clockwork talks about whatever crosses their mind, while Valerie occasionally nods along and asks a question or two of her own. She ignores that little feeling in that chest from earlier as she listens to Clockwork talk, as she's certain that it's just some weird pain in her chest or stomach that'll go away.

Valerie finishes eating about twenty minutes later and puts her trash in the white paper bag. Clockwork notices her, looking up at her, "Did you want to see more of Rome?" they ask, "There's a shopping district a few streets away, if that's what you're into."

She doesn't say anything as she grabs a napkin, folds it in half and reach out to the little Time Master's face to wipe off the remaining honey mustard and ketchup from the corners of their mouth. With her other hand, she feels Clockwork's hair, gently patting the top and middle parts of their hair, rubbing the curls between her fingers to truly feel it, and pulls her hands away from them with a smile. "I'll take a raincheck for that," she says with a smile, gently tapping their nose, grabbing their trash and tossing it in the trashcan next to the table. "But we need to go back home, I have to show you something."

Clockwork tilts their head before nodding. The seven year old snakes their hand into Valerie's, tightly clasping their hands together, scrunching their eyes close and before Valerie knows it, the two are back in her kitchen.

"How'd you do that?" she asks, "Last time, you needed a portal."

Clockwork shrugs, "I dunno? You said we had to go home," they say, "This is home."

Oh. Valerie isn't quite sure how to feel about that admission, and she has a lot of feelings about the way Clockwork easily and honestly calls this house, where she lives, home. So she'll bury them for right now, maybe unpack them later, maybe ask her dad about these emotions. She senses that Clockwork is staring at her, realizing that she spaced out, plasters a wide smile on her face to make up for it. Valerie covers their eyes, shushing their protest when she walks them over to the bathroom and stops in front of the mirror.

Slowly, she lowers her hands from their eyes, watching with joy as Clockwork stops their protesting to stare at themselves in the mirror. Valerie moves behind them, fluffing their curls up a bit, so they can be at full volume. "Do you like it?" she asks, "Be brutally honest, Clockwork."

Clockwork stands there in shock, a hand reaching up to tug at one of the curls at the edge of their forehead. "It's so pretty," they say in awe, then noticing Valerie standing behind them. "It can't be mine. There's no way this can belong to me."

"Yea, it is." she says simply, shifting her weight to one side of her body and leaning against the bathroom door.

For the second or third time that day, Clockwork cries. Valerie bends down a little bit, right until the two were eye level and pulls Clockwork in for a hug. She feels them trying to hide in her neck but she shakes her head, gently guiding their head to look in the mirror, "Every single strand of hair belongs to you," she says, wiping away their tears. "I know you don't believe me, but your hair is so beautiful. I meant what I said earlier, I'll keep doing your hair as long as you want me to."

"You mean that?"

Valerie nods, "I meant every word I said."

"Can you…?" they begin, but they go quiet, still unable to ask the question.

"Yea," she answers, pressing a kiss on their forehead. "Come back next week, okay?"

"Okay." Clockwork says.

#danny phantom #valerie gray #dp clockwork #dp fanfic #dp fanfiction #goldenspecter writes

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