#me trying to convience myself there's a good reason for this never-ending waiting

[unhingedpirates]

Hey, do you think they haven't dropped the trailer because they want to give us a chance to speculate more before getting the first hints of what's going to happen in S2? 👀

#me trying to convience myself there's a good reason for this never-ending waiting #david. listen. i need the serotonin okay? #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd s2 #our flag means death season 2 #i don't think s2 is coming out before may 31 anymore #clown posting #chomping at the bit

[salted-barbed-wire]

The Devil May Care

Chapter Eight

Summary: “Nothing touched the trigger but the Devil’s right hand...” Word Count: 2803

Prelude       Chapter One.      Chapter Two.      Chapter Three.       Chapter Four. Chapter Five.     Chapter Six.      Chapter Seven

The lock on my door clicked open and I pushed my way into my apartment. I had been silent the whole ride home with Balor. He hadn’t said much either since we came out of whatever apparition he had conjured. Probably to keep Aleister from hearing, in case he was too close by. We only touched a little bit on making plans for a second date, finally deciding I would get back to him when I wasn’t so “tired”. My head played back the scene of him walking me to the complex’s door.

“I had a really good time,” he stood, leaning against the door frame.

I refused meet his eyes, “Me too. Thank you for dinner and the park was lovely.”

Finn stepped close to me, tipping my chin up gently. “Not as lovely as you, Princess.”

He’s putting on an act.

“I am,” he said pointedly, a storm brewing in his eyes, “looking forward to calling you tomorrow.”

I nodded, “Same, I can’t wait. Unless you’d like to come up for a nightcap?”

Balor tilted his head, “So bold of you, Jackie, my little siren. Unfortunately, I am a gentleman and couldn’t possibly take advantage of such an offer.”

“Oh…” I tried to feign disappointment. I was hoping Aleister had been in my apartment, waiting for me to come in, and would be able to help me bind him.

“Believe me, lass, the offer is very tempting,” Finn growled pushing closer to me. “But I want this to work between us. I think we have something special, ya’ know?” I nodded and he continued. “So, let’s take this one step at a time, and you can revisit this urge to lure me upstairs later.”

I forced a fake laugh, he knows. “You’re right. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Finn. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Princess. Sweet dreams.”

I shivered at the way his voice sounded almost menacing as he watched me close the door to my apartment. Now, I was in my safe space, but I was terrified of what was to come tonight.

“I didn’t expect you so late, snojepe.”

I jumped and swore, “Jesus, Aleister, what the hell?”

“Why so jumpy? Did you have too much fun sneaking off with the demon after I explicitly told you not to?” Aleister stood behind my counter, pouring a glass of wine. “Did he get you all hot and bothered? Did you try to invite him up so he could ravish you?” He placed the glass in front of me and poured one for himself.

I crossed my arms and glared at him, “I did, in fact.”

He stopped pouring and set the bottle down in silence, scanning my face.

“I would have thought you went through all my bottles of wine yesterday with as much as I see you drinking.” I picked the glass up and sipped. It sure didn’t taste like my fifteen-dollar cheap-o bottles I usually grab on the way home from a long day of work.

“I haven’t touched your plonk, snojepe. However, I’d like to come back to the fact that you asked Balor to come upstairs with you.” He stood close to me and I refused to meet his gaze. “Why?”

I sipped on the crimson liquid. This was definitely not mine. It was potent, but so tasty. I walked over and poured another glass, still not making eye contact, “’Why did I invite him up?’ or ‘Why did he not come up to the apartment?’”

The frown in his voice was apparent, “Both!”

“He didn’t bite because he’s a gentleman,” I quickly drank half the glass at least then turned and smirked at him. “And I invited him up because I wanted to see if we could have little three some.”

He snatched my wine glass out of my hand, “That’s it, you’re cut off.”

“Hey!” I shouted at him, reaching for it as he used his long arms to keep it perfectly out of my gasp. “The devil can’t take a joke now?”

“It’s not a joke, pet.” Aleister snorted, “Judging from your inability to listen to my commands and have good judgement, you’ve had too much. You’ve been drinking all night,” He grabbed my hand that was reaching for my glass and leaned down too close to my face. “And with your lowered inhibitions, it would be very tempting to take advantage of your… lack of sensibility.”

Maybe I want you to.

Aleister’s eyes went wide as he released my wrist, “What was that?”

I swallowed down any fear, meeting his eyes with the same intensity he always gave me. “I- I think you heard me.”

He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me tightly to him, “Keep looking at me that way, see what happens.” Aleister’s free hand gentle grazed his knuckle along my jaw line, bringing my lips closer to his. I felt light headed as he ghosted a soft kiss against my pout. “Your date left you in need. Your lips are looking lonely.”

“They are,” I gasped.

“I could devour you, my little dropje. I have been craving the taste of you since the day you called upon me.” The kiss we shared was soft, we were both holding back, but it was passionate as it could be.

“Is that why you chose me?” I asked breathing heavily.

Aleister pulled back from me, desire in his gaze. “Well, when you put it like that it makes me sound selfish.” The corner of his mouth pulled upward in spite of himself. “The mainreason is the way you acted when you first saw me.”

“Oh?” I didn’t want to move away from him. Despite his normal chilly aura, it was a relief to the warmth of the wine.

“Do you remember?”

“You told me you were no ordinary demon.”

“I asked you if were scared and what did you tell me?”

“I don’t remember.” I admitted; I had been trying to forget that day for the past three years.

Aleister released me and grabbed my glass of wine, “You weren’t afraid before I revealed myself to you, or after.” He set it down in front of me. “You weren’t scared to be in my presence. You were brave, comfortable in an uncomfortable situation. Plus, if the deal hadn’t been for someone you loved, this wouldn’t have worked.”

“No?” I didn’t want to let on that I already knew.

“It’s a clause I’m forced to put in my contracts.” He stared at his own glass, swirling its contents in slow circles.

“What was the contract you signed with Lugh?” I asked.

Aleister just stared at me. He looked like he was trying to decide how much he should tell me.

“Just tell me the truth, Aleister.” I put my hand on his arm. “You know half of a partnership is trust and if you want me to believe that you won’t just betray me in the end…” My voice trailed off. I hadn’t said the thought out loud. I hadn’t even let him hear the thought in my head that there was a possibility he’d betray me. Balor hinted that he couldn’t be trusted, but I really didn’t want to believe it.

“Snojepe, I am the Devil. Betrayal in in my nature.”  He lifted his glass up to his mouth. “But you don’t have much of a choice, do you?”

I glared at him; a nagging ache struck me in my chest. Balor is the other option. “I don’t. But perhaps it would help me sleep at night.”

A sigh escaped Aleister’s mouth, “You aren’t going to let this go, are you?”

“I’m just curious.” I shrugged, walking over to the couch. I sat then tapped the cushion next to me, inviting him to sit down with me.

“Curiosity killed the cat.”

Felix’s head popped up, “Mrow?”

“Apologies, friend,” Aleister scratched his ear before sitting next to me on the couch. “Just an expression.” His ankle crossed over his knee and he spread his arm behind me on the head rest. “What I am about to tell you, must never be repeated to any other soul. I don’t need any other demons figuring out ways past my spells.”

I pulled an invisible zipper across my mouth and threw away the key.

“I think a gag would work better.”

“Don’t get distracted!” I smacked his thigh, trying to hide the flush in my face.

Aleister chuckled, then cleared his throat. “I suppose you want the whole story?” I nodded excitedly. He sighed, “Long ago, I sold my soul to a demon. I’m not sure for what, I’m not sure who he was, but I remember being in hell. I was burning and succumbing to torture when Lucifer himself approached me.”

“How long were you down there?”

“Time passes differently in hell, especially for the tortured souls. For me, I may have only been dead from the earth for a decade, but it felt like centuries.”

My teeth drug across my lower lip, “You don’t remember being human?”

“Not really, I remember my mother. She was a witch. She had taught my siblings and I some of her spells. We lived like gypsies, moving from town to town and never settling down. I don’t remember what she looked like, or her name, or my previous name. When I was in hell, I would have visions of them, but their faces were always blank. He always said that was for the best.”

“Lucifer?”

Aleister nodded, “Yes. He came to me one day because I wasn’t screaming or reacting to any form of pain. He told me my soul was strong and he wanted me to become part of his legion.”

“And you accepted?”

“After a while, yes. It took some conviencing on his part. But I agreed and was given my assignments and powers.”

“So,” I started, “You began as a demon, then moved your way up?”

“Sort of. I challenged him for his throne. This was after I locked Balor away.”

“And how did you do that?”

“I helped his daughter, gave her Lugh. You know the legends, right?”

I nodded, “Balor had been told by a prophecy that he would be killed by his grandson. So, he locked his daughter, Ethniu away in a tower. Cian devised a plan to get to her, only to be caught after he had gotten Ethniu pregnant.”

“Balor had no idea,” Aleister continued. “He put Cian to death before his grandson was born. It was too bad. Cian wasn’t a bad guy; he sure wouldn’t sell his soul to me to get what he needed. Instead, he just came to me for advice when his love was locked away. I ended helping him, to an extent.”

“Really?”

“I helped him find the cow, spread the legend, lured Balor to it, and then waited.”

“You didn’t help him when he was captured though?”

Aleister sipped his wine, “I did him as much of a favor as I could. I could get what I needed without his existence.” He set his glass down and continued. “After Lugh was born, Balor tried to drown him in the sea. I pushed him towards safety, letting him be raised by Mananna. Human’s know him I think as a sea god, but the legends aren’t always accurate. Anyway, I petitioned with the King Mananna to keep the child from Balor, knowing he would, after he learned of my plans to seal away the demon for good. He raised Lugh, taught him to fight and the ways of his people. Until I was ready to call on him.”

“What about Ethniu?” I asked, “You said you stole her away too.”

Aleister’s eyes looked sad, “I did. She begged me to. She promised me her powers in return for a favor.”

“The favor wasn’t just stealing her away from her father was it.”

He shook his head. “After she found out that Cian was dead, she wanted me to end her life before her father could do it himself.”

My stomach churned. “You killed her? And Balor hasn’t forgiven you.”

“No. Not to mention, when it was time to call on Lugh, we struck a deal and after Lugh defeated Balor and his armies, I drug him to the pit where Lucifer destroyed the half breed as a warning to all demonic entities; don’t procreate with humans. He wasn’t too fond of God’s favorite creation.”

“The contract with Lugh, was it his powers to defeat his father?”

“Yes, he was very brave. He didn’t really slay his father, though. He weakened him enough for me to seal him away, trapping him in the lake of the eye. I used a simple spell to draw power from the lake when I challenged Lucifer for the throne in Hell. I was already overloaded on Ethniu and Lugh’s essences. They all gave me the power to win my title and once I sat on the throne for the first time, I was unstoppable.”

My head was beginning to throb, “Okay, hold on. So how does Balor pose any threat if you have been drawing power from him for so long?”

“He regenerates. It’s part of the spell on the lake. It kept him alive and let me draw from him. Now he’s bonded with that boy, he’s drawing from the fae energies in Finn, rebuilding himself.”

“How did he get a hold of Finn do you think?”

Aleister shrugged, “I can’t say. I hadn’t been watching the lake for a millennium. I didn’t think anyone was foolish enough to release a demon powerful enough to bring about the apocalypse.”

I sat quietly, trying to process everything. “How did you find out you could even challenge Lucifer for the throne? And what happened to him? Is he still alive or did you kill him? How did Balor figure it all out?”

“I learned the secret from Lucifer himself. He was ready to give up his throne for a worthy opponent that would be strong and cunning enough to keep his kingdom running efficiently. He had also told Balor the secret. But Balor had no interest in Hell, he wanted to rule this realm.” Aleister looked away from me, “As for dear ol’ Lucy. He isn’t dead.”

“Really?”

“No, happily retired.” He chuckled. “Enjoying his freedom from the life of running his ‘business’.”

“You’re not ready to give it up yet, then?”

“Definitely not.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, “This is a lot.”

“I told you, snojepe. These secrets are not for the faint hearted.” He scooted closer to me, “Have I given you a headache yet? I could relieve some of that pressure for you?”

I giggled, “Stop, I don’t know what it would cost me.”

“It’s free.”

I looked at him. “With you, Aleister, nothing is free. That is what I’ve learned from this story.”

He blinked at me. “That’s the second time you’ve done that.”

I downed the last of my wine, “Hmm?”

“Said my name.”

My head whirled to look at him. “Yeah…”

“I like the way you say it.” He whispered, leaning into me. “It does something to my imagination.”

“What exactly?” I asked, realizing my breathing had changed.

“I imagine you moaning it, whispering it into my skin as I press you into a mattress with those pretty eyes rolling back into your head.”

The air around us became thick. My heart pounded in my chest, but I couldn’t catch my breath.

He pulled away and stood. “I think I better go.”

I tore my gaze away from him and took a breath, “oh?”

“You, Jaqueline, are feeling tipsy from the date and the wine from my private collection. Even though I would absolutely kill to have my way with you, I’d prefer you to be sober and more consenting.” He folded his hands behind his back, looking down at me. “It makes for a less regretful morning.”

“Okay,” I nodded, still not looking directly at him. “I’ll let you know when Balor calls on me then.”

“Good girl,” he hummed. I squirmed in my seat before looking back up at him. “Sweet dreams, snojepe. May they be what tonight could’ve been.”

Aleister raised his hand. “Wait!” I shouted, standing and approaching him. “Thank you. Thank you for finally telling me the truth, for being honest with me.” I reached up and kissed him lightly, making sure to leave him wanting more.

“Jackie, at this moment, you are the most dangerous thing in the room.” He snapped his fingers and disappeared into thin air.

I looked back at Felix who had been sitting on the arm of the couch watching us.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, scratching his little head.

He winked at me before stalking off to my bedroom.

~~~

Chapter 9->

@fangirls-gotta-fangirl @xladyxfatex @xbreezymeadowsx @rndm-fngrl-blg @nicolewoo @itsicantbelievethis666

#Aleister black #Aleister Black x reader #finn balor #Finn Balor x reader #The Devil May Care fic

[justmewoo]

Brother Knows Best Part [1/?] Tony Stark x Brother Male Reader]

This is something I came up with two days ago and it is unedited. But I have a big idea and i'm planning in writing it as a one shot that contains for or five chapters long. So if you like this first chapter let me know and I will be happy to work on part two. I hope you enjoy my crappy writing and let me know if you want me to tag you on the chapters.

WORD COUNT: 4,180 takes place in the middle of infinity war and endgame.

"Take care of your brother for me [M/N] we'll be back in no time." That was the last time I ever saw my Mother and Father alive before they died in a car crash. 

It has now being more than two decades since it happen. I was twenty six years old while my younger brother Tony was twenty one. I'm the oldest of the two but not everyone knows about me.

Ever since the death of my parent's Tony became distant not that we we're ever close to begin with. But he simply didn't want to see me anymore. Which of course, hurt me seeing him act this way towards me. But, it was his choice and there was nothing that could convince or change his mind about the decision he wanted to choose. I had resigned from Stark Industries because Tony wanted to take over the industries and quite friankly I didn't want work there anymore. 

I was able to start out fresh in another country. So what better place than to start out fresh where no one knows about your family name than in Tokyo Japan. I had become a high school teacher for psychical education. The first year was a bit difficult to understand and learn japanese when I had arrived but during the second year living here I was able to pick up every word and enjoyed their culture and festivals very much. With the money that I had saved I was able to rent an apartment in a good neighborhood. Being a foreigner here people where nice and helped me a lot especially when it came to riding the trains. At first it could be confusing at firs till at least you get the hang of them. The staff of the school where I work in have all being helpful and caring since the day I joined them. 

The students I first taught where good kids they where a bit crazy knowing they would be getting a foreigner for a teacher. Even though I couldn't really speak their language it was fun to see them try and speak english. I got along well with them which was amazing since it could be difficult when teaching high school students. But after being here for more than four years i'm able to communicate with them just fine.

I made good friends on here too some of them are from the staff while other's I met out in the streets I also got to meet someone special here. "[F/L] Sensei someone's here to see you in the office." Said a young voice that belong to a student. I had decided to fake my last name because in Japan they had technology that only Stark Industries could only create.

"Thanks, Yuki i'll go right away. Alright everyone take a break while I come back." I yelled as I took off running to the main office inside the school. I speed walk down the hallway till I finally reached the small faculty room. "[F/L] Sensei there's someone who wants to see you in the principal's office." A staff member said. I bow and said thank you before knocking on the door and hearing a come in. I opened the door to find the principal and my pregnant wife of three months talking before I walked in shutting the door after me. 

"[F/L] Sensei, your wife is here to see you. I'll leave you two to talk." The principal said smiling wide at me before leaving us alone. I walked over and hugged her. 

"Aiko what are you doing here didn't you have your appointment today with the doctor? Is the baby alright." I asked worried as she returned the hug. 

Aiko shook her head smiling up at me. "The baby is fine I have a suprise for you." She said taking out something from inside her bag. It was a white medium bag. "Open it." I took it from her and slowly opened it inside was a blue shirt that had english words written on it with a small picture in the bottom of the bag. The shirt said "Daddy's boy." Written in white. 

I took a look at the picture of the baby and dropped the bag and shirt on the table behind me and crushed Aiko in a big hug. I kissed the top of her head and smiled while looking at the picture of my son. "I still can't believe i'm finally having a family of my own." I whispered to myself looking up at the cieling thinking about how happy my parents would had being if they where still alive. 

After school ended Aiko decided to stay there and wait for me till the last class was done so her and I went walking home together. The school was about two blocks away from where we live. Aiko and I walked down the streets holding hands along with the students who made their way home. I had changed from my track suit before leaving into regular clothing that was just a plain white shirt and some blue jeans. Aiko wore a nice summer white dress with some sandles. "Ne, [M/N] can we go to the convience store for some snacks?" Aiko asked. 

"Of course, anything you want infact i'm craving some rice curry from there." I said smiling at her. Aiko nodded rubbing circles on her small bump with her right hand. As we continued to walk down the street I kept looking back taking a few glances here and there. I had a feeling someone was following us. Unware of my wife's glance she worried but I assured her that everything was fine. A few minutes later we had finally arrived to the small convience store around the corner. Behind a tree I noticed a tall figure hiding. Feeling a bit unsure about this person I let Aiko go inside the store and said to go inside while I went back to the school because I forgot some papers and would be right back. I speed walking away until I saw go inside and walked careful to the man who has being following us. I tricked the guy and climbed on the tree next to it glaring down at him. 

"How did you find me here." I stated more than a question. I crossed my arms not leaving my eyes off him. 

"I just wanted to see how you where doing it's been a long time since I last heard anything about you." 

"There's always a reason why you suddenly show up so cut the crap Fury. What the hell are you doing here?" I said angrily. 

"First come down from there I see, you still remember all that training you did when you where younger. Alright you caught me but first come down from that tree people will think i'm crazy if they see me talking to myself." He said. 

I sigh. Before coming down the tree I walked over to him to face Fury. "Alright i'm down now what is it." I spoke eyeing him and the store that Aiko is in. 

"I don't have a clue if here in Japan or if you have seen it in the news but Tony has being known as Iron Man he's part of The Avengers. A super hero team who saves people back in New York." 

I laughed. "Seriously.... Tony a super hero, and The Avengers? Really you came all this way to tell me that. Your pulling my finger Fury. Tony is a selfish guy he doesn't care about anyone or anything just look at me he didn't give two shits about me! The only thing he's ever cared about is drinking and having a good time with girls that's all he's good for. Seriously they seriously couldn't come up with a better name than the Avengers? Yea, I don't bite it and if it was true then I never heard of them nor do I want to know about them either. And I don't want to know anything about Tony either. Tony isn't capable of becoming a hero." I turned my back facing him. "Whatever your plan was for coming here isn't going to work. I have a family of my own now anything Tony does isn't any of my business nor my problem."

"I understand you have a beautiful wife and a baby on the way but, I want you to come back to New York. The Avengers aren't having a good time right now especially with what's happened in Sakovia. Tony needs you the team could use someone with your skills. I get it that your family is important to you but you can't walk away from your brother." 

I crossed my arms and roll my eyes. "Family doesn't walk away and turn their back on you. And that's something I will never do to mine. He's a grown up now not a little kid who needs guidence from someone like me. My kid won't ever know about him nor carry the Stark name either. So now that Tony needs me he remembers that I exist, no because to my he died the same day my parent's did. I no longer have a brother so leave and never come back here again because next time I won't hold back." I glanced at him before walking away and not taking a look back. I wiped the tear with my hand and smiled seeing Aiko through the window before standing in the middle of the street looking between her and where Fury used to stand.

I walked inside the store and looked for Aiko. I found her on the isle of the bread and drinks. I kissed her cheek to see her carry a basket with food. I took it from her and carried it with my right hand. "I was getting worried where you able to find those documents?" She asked politely. 

I nodded." Yeah, I found the documents I dropped them at the office. So what do you have all here are you sure you will be able to eat all this?" 

"What are you emplying that I eat too much food huh?" She yelled angry. I shook my head. 

Here come her mood swings. "Not at all hun, I was just asking because I never seen you eat some of these. For instance you don't like sugary foods and you have four boxes of chocolates that contain way too much sugar." Aiko suddenly hugged me and cried. "Hey, it's okay hun no need to cry about it. You can buy them only if you don't eat all of them today." 

"Thank you [M/N] alright what if we buy some potato chips and eat them with a spicy ramen." Aiko walked to the next aisle looking for ramen. I sigh before following behind her. While she talked to herself I couldn't help but remember the days after my parent's death. 

FLASHBACK

Tony had locked himself inside his room after the funeral of our parents. The house was packed with people who knew our father and mother. There was also people from the Stark Industries who worked with my father including Hank. Being the oldest I had the responsibilities of taking care of everything but it was overwhelm. People all dressed in black suits giving their sorrys to me while Tony wouldn't come out of his room. I was out of excuses whenever they would ask about him and said he wasn't feeling well or he was simply not here. But I knew that he was probably drinking his pain away. When everyone left I untied my tie tossing it to the sofa. I stood up hearing Tony's sobbing and cursing out every word he ever knew about. I sigh, I quickly made my way to his room but the door was locked. I bang on his door quite a few times. "Open the door Tony we need to talk." I yelled. 

"Leave me alone you can't boss me anymore [M/N] so but the fuck off." He yelled back. I continued to bang on his door until my fist couldn't take it anymore. So I kicked the door with my foot. I saw Tony falling from his bed wearing pyjamas holding a glass of wisky in one hand and a bottle on the other. "What the hell did you do to my door asshole!" Tony yelled tackling me but quickly I moved away from him grabbing him by the back of his shirt. I used my strenght throwing him to his bed. I took the bottle and glass away from him smashing it to the floor. 

"Calm down, I know how you feel you aren't the only one in pain. I lost them too Tony you can't be acting this way!" Tony stood from his bed pointing his finger at me. 

"Shut up, I don't want to hear you. Do you know how much I have hated you? You think I never noticed how much they perferred you over me!? All they would say is 'Why can't you be more like [M/N]?' 'Why can you be smart like him?' 'You are nothing like your big brother.' I'm tired of hearing all of that shit!" I could smell his breath smelling of alchol as he stood right in front of me glaring. 

I knelt my eyebrows in anger. My right hand turned to a fist shaking trying my best not to punch him in the face this very moment. "Look. Your drunk and have no clue what you're saying so go to bed." I moved away from him picking up the glass and bottle that had broken. My back faced him as I picked it up. "I i'm so glad that I don't act like you do because I would have been so miserable living the life you so call have. Or should I call you Mr. Howard Jr. President of the Stark Industries. I seriously can't wait to see how you run it all by yourself without dad's help." Tony said popping the p at the end of his sentence. 

I stood up from the floor to face him once more. Tony had a big smirk on his face. "You have no idea how much pressure it's taken on me since before you where even born. From day one I was expected to be incharge of dad's industries. I wasn't allowed to have a normal childhood. I didn't become the intelligent Tony Stark winning medals at a young age. I'm sorry that you always felt that way towards me. But you don't need to worry about me because I heard you argue with him before they left about wanting to take over the company so your wish has come true little brother it's all yours because I quit." I shouted walking out of his room. I toss the bottle in the kitchen and walked back to the living room and grabbed my tie before marching to my room. 

I grabbed the suit cases I had inside my closet and begin to pack all of my clothes inside. I grabbed everything from jeans, to shirts, to sweat pants and just started to unhook everything from the hangers and into the suitcase. I only had two suitcases so in the other one I placed all of my suits and belongings. Once I had finished packing I grabbed the picture that I had hanging in the wall and put it on top of the clothes so it wouldn't get broken. I took the picture from the glass and ripped the end of the picture throwing it on the floor. A tear escaped from my eye as I looked at it before placing it back  and zipping the bag. I turned around yanking another picture frame of Tony and I together when we where younger. I slammed it on the floor stepping on it cracking the frame and ripping the picture in half. I grabbed ny suitcases stopped in the doorframe before taking a look at my old room before slamming the door shut and leaving. When I walked passed Tony's room he was already knocked out on the bed. I was so angry that I didn't bother to say my goodbyes and walked out of the house. I had joined S.H.I.E.L.D and got training for about ten years years with Fury's help who was able to keep it under cover. But after being there I realized that working for them or the training was not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life so that's when I decided to leave for Japan. 

__________________

"Alright your change will be 400 yen." Said a voice snapping my head to the person. It was the cashier I nodded taking my change and grabbing the bag from the counter. Aiko and I left the store holding each other's hands. Outside the store she ate a snack as we walk making our way home. The walk home was peaceful and quiet but seeing Fury and talking about Tony brought too many memories that I haven't had for a long time. 

As the months continued to past it turned to two years I tried to live my life as always except now that we have a toddler who's almost three years old makes it difficult because he just wants to walk and try to take things inside his mouth all over the house. The first couple of months where a bit hard because becoming a first time parent has it's challenges. Guessing when they need a change of diaper, or when they want to take a nap. But one thing that I definatly won't miss is my son's crying in the middle of the night. Aiko took maternity leave after she had our son but I told her its best if she stays at home becoming a fulltime mom because I don't want him not be surrounded by his parent's. I want Yuki to feel love and live a happy childhood so he could remember all the good times he had growing up. I want to spoil him when he's a bit older and take him on family trips. I just simply want him to have the life that I never had. 

I just got home from work. So slowly I knocked on the door waiting to see Aiko and Yuki. A few seconds later the door opened revealing them smiling happily at me. "Welcome home." Aiko said as Yuki reached for me wanting to be carried. I peck Aiko in the lips while sweeping the baby from her arms and walked inside together. I took off my shoes in the small entrance then followed her to the living room.

I took a seat in the couch with Yuki in my lap. "Dinner's about to be ready do you want a cold beer or a glass of water?" She asked walking to the kitchen. 

"A beer would be nice with this weather right now anything cold cools you down. Thanks hun, so what have you done today." I asked turning my attention back to Yuki. Yuki only stared back at me smiling and giggling. "Are you excited for this weekend buddy? Where finally going on vacation with your grandparents." The baby babbled none sense and continued to play with his favorite plushy. "Alright dinner's ready." I got up from the couch with Yuki on my arms. I took a seat in the chair as Aiko served dinner. She came back to the dinner table with a bowl of rice and another plate of meat with vegetables. She then carried Yuki in her arms and sat on the other chair next to me. 

After dinner I had taken Yuki inside the warm bathroom for his bath time. I had a pair of boxers and got inside the tub with him in my arms. I had brought a few toys of his to play with and ran the water in good temperature not so cold and not too hot either. I grabbed a small plastic blue bowl placing it under the running water and began to shower him. I them grabbed the baby shampoo and washed his couple of small hairs of his head. Next I rinsed the shampoo of his head and covered his eyes with my free hand so the soap wouldn't get inside his eyes. Yuki splashed water wetting my face. I glared down at him with a funny face causing more giggles to come out of him. Yuki looks Japanese but has my eye color and smile but the rest of his characteristics are the same as Aiko's which makes me happy that he doesn't have a trait from my side of the family. "I'm going to teach you English when your older young man." I said in English but he didn't seem to care about a clue of what I said. Aiko knows both languages as well so we want him to learn to speak it as he gets older. Anyway, then afterwards I let him play in the water with his toys for a couple of minutes before finishing his shower. 

After I had finished him shower Aiko came and took him to his room to get him dressed while I took a shower. I was in deep thoughts thinking about work when suddenly I had heard a yell and stuff being thrown around. I closed the water and put a towel around my waist running out of the bathroom to my son's room. Forgot to mention but it was already pass eight at night time when I was showering. When I got to the room I saw Aiko holding Yuki in her arms cornered by a woman with blond hair and wore black gear. The woman turned around at the sound of my steps. 

She smirked after taking a look at me. "I'm sorry to interrupt your shower but I need you to come with me." I walked up to her glaring. 

"Who the hell are you? Get away from my family." I yelled grabbing her from the arm throwing her to the wall. Aiko and Yuki looked at me scared but I was standing confront of them protecting them from the mystery woman. Too busy to noticed I failed to see Aiko placing a hand over her plain stomach. 

The woman got up from the floor and stood up. "I'm not here to do anything dangerous to you or your family but Fury gave me your address and we need you to help us. The world is in great danger." 

I shook my head and clinched my hands into fist angry. "I already told Fury i'm not going back to New York your part of the famous avengers aren't you? Then saving the world from evil is part of your job not mine. I'm never going back so leave my house before I throw you out myself." I said through my teeth. 

"Tony's missing." She responded back. I stood silent as she took out a phone showing me a clip of the news. Two creatures in the middle of a destroyed New York.

"What's going on [M/N]." Spoke Aiko lowering her voice. And putting Yuki on the ground. I looked at them three before walking over to her. "There's something you need to know Aiko.... I have lied to you my last name isn't [Fake Last Name] my real name is Stark and i'm from New York. I used to be a part of SHIELD bu- 

A sudden slap made it's way to my left cheek. I turned my head away then looked back at Aiko who had tears coming down her cheeks. She back away from me and took a glance at Yuki who also began to cry. "Get out of my house I never want to see you again. Get out and leave us alone!" She yelled in anger. 

"Let me explain I didn't want you and our son to be in danger I had to lie to you but i'm sorry I didn't mean to hurt you." Aiko pushed my hand off her arm and walked out of the room and left the apartment with a crying Yuki. 

After I heard the door shut I sigh thinking about what to do. But even though I still had a grudge against Tony I had to find him especially after seeing those creatures. "What's your name?" I asked. 

"Natasha Romanoff I go by Black Widow i'm sorry about your wife and kid but if this wasn't truly important I wouldn't had been given orders by Fury to come find you. But the earth and everyone are in danger including here in Japan." 

"I guess there's no way running away from what you became right? Shield or anything to do with Tony will always come looking for me. Alright where are we going?" I asked as much as it pains me to leave my family.

"Scotland."

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[myownstressrelief-blog]

Year 2017

The time when I had started this blog, I originally used it as a stress relief and I found that as something that had helped me continue living life peacefully. I actually hate how I never continued to write when I went into my college years and here I am now. August 30th, 2017. I should be applying for a job right now, but i’m so terrified. I may just multitask and I really need this stress detox. Honestly.. I have no idea on where to begin....

I guess I will first begin with what bothers me the most at the moment. For awhile, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about 1 year and 3 months. It’s interesting for me because I used to see it as people who are in a relationship for over a year, that is pretty serious stuff right there. However, after dating my boyfriend for awhile, I learned that a year is nothing compared to many years that I would potentially be spending with someone, with the rest of my life. Recently, my boyfriend and I had broke up. I broke up with him because of how life just progress and the way I felt that I was being treated. Before I go on about how things were with my ex, I want you to understand that my love for him was very unique. It was special. This was someone that I was willing to and I actually did, give up my time for and so as much as I can to please him. I am a person pleaser, so it makes sense, that is the joy that I get from being able to make him happy. Even though I want to please him, I am also like any other girl that would appreciate attention and want to feel loved even when I don’t need the daily reminder. I just wanted to feel appreciated. 

I always think back to the first day when I met my ex. May 14th 2016. Tricky, as our relationship developed over into the next morning of the day. We were at an EDM event somewhere. I honestly don’t have a good clue on DJ’s as I was mainly going to have fun with my sister that night. My ex knew my sister at the time as they had attended events together. The funny thing about my ex was that I didn’t care for what he did in life, I just enjoyed the bond that we created within hours of meeting each other. I fell in love with him on that dance floor that night. It’s funny because we would argue over who kissed who first that night. I still honestly believe he was trying to kiss me, I mean come on, someone as tall as him, leaning his face in? It was definitely him that kissed first. I love the moments that we spent together. The longest that we’ve been apart from each other would maybe just been a week. After that, I would go nuts if I didn’t get to feel his touch again. I feel like I’d never seen him in years. Its up to you on how you interpret it, I guess you can say i’m clingy. I just loved being with him even if we are just cuddling together in bed. His touch was what gave me a reason to continue living and continue to be happy. 

There are many times when my ex and I had gotten into arguments and during those moments I feel dumb about the assumptions that I made about him and how awful I feel when he didn’t celebrate valentines day with me, comes to family dinners unappreciated, not inviting me to his own, acting a certain way that made me feel disrespected, and honestly not taking me and our relationship serious. I would always at the end of the day feel like shit for every argument. However, after the past painful month and a half of trying to save the last bit of our relationship, I look back at those moments we argued and I can’t help but ask, how can you stand there and lie to me and manipulate to thinking everything I did was because of me for being crazy? I’ve learned a lot about my ex and myself during that month an a half. I learned to respect myself and finally put myself first. I’ve been waiting on him for awhile now and honestly I am emotional and mentally exhausted at this point. It is so difficult to be happy in life for me and continue to do the things I do. I’ve felt that I’ve put a complete pause in my life to see if I can save my relationship with my ex. 

This all steamed from the night that we had an argument and he left me at his house without saying a word. I was upset, checked his messages on facebook and saw that he lied to me about the night before. He stated he had a work function and had to spend time with me another day, however, he was with his junkie friends doing coke the whole night. What I hate about him doing drugs is that he changes himself into another person, i have to face him when he is under the influence and going through withdrawals, he sleeps in the morning and ends up pushing our plans later towards the night. I don’t understand how he can’t see the pain it puts me in and especially finding out that he lied to me. There is most likely many times that he had lied to me and has gone out with all of his other junkie friends. After a couple of days, I was prepared to talk to him about that night and was prepared to break up. What prevented me from going on with my decision was when I saw him break down and cry. Instantly, I felt that I saw the ex that I met from day one and the one that I fell in love with. I couldn’t let go of him, he asked for another chance and how he understands now, I gave in, I gave him that chance. I warned him about how hard it will be for me trying to make it work because I lost trust in him. I warned about how I needed to know where and who he was with. I even wanted to share locations for the conviences so that I wouldn't have to always ask like a crazy person. However, he told me how uncomfortable he felt and I just said fine. As a couple we had to compromise. I agreed on a break, modified where we don’t see each other often but I wanted to know truthfully how he is doing while not doing drugs and everything. During our break, no word from him and still private about where he goes. A good month passes by and here we are. I find out from my sister that he is still doing drugs and I would question him but he still denies, even though I had hard solid evidence. I question constantly why even after giving him another chance, he blows it away. Its still hard for me to wrap my head around this because I’m slowly suffering in pain here while he is rolling up his dollar bills and snorting more coke. Losing my loved one to drugs, was the last thing I ever thought I would have to face. During our arguments, he still can’t seem to understand the pain I am suffering through. There are nights I am at home crying for hours before bed because I know the people that he is around are not good influences at all. They are the reason that he keeps doing the drugs and keeps lying to me about everything. As he denies my words, I can’t help to think that he just enjoys the drugs and would put that first than our relationship. I am also suffering from pain at times how he challenges me how I had to trust him eventually even though he lies to me, challenges me on how I’m taking the easy way out of leaving him and not feeling a thing, challenging me with everything and manipulating me to thinking this is all my fault and that I wanted to change his personality. During the questions I asked him on how I was changing his personality, many things he said made no sense at all. He mentioned habits that I was annoyed of, not personality related. I already feel horrible on admitting about how I feel and the reality of this, however, I realize I don’t deserve any of this anymore. I had enough and I am done with this emotional abuse going in my head. As much as I wanted our break up to be mutual, it was impossible. He still wanted me to be with him and accept that he is going through a phase. How am I able to trust those words when he couldn’t even be honest or earn his trust back during our break? It kills me when he texts me how he wishes we were at DnB (our hangout spot) or how he doesn’t want me to leave. No one believes me, but I never wanted to leave him, but I can’t keep feeling hurt constantly 24/7 a day. I felt like at that moment I was asking for an earlier death bed. There were days I would wish to remove my soul from my body and let someone else be with him and be with his needs. I don’t want to suffer anymore, the pain for me is awful. I don’t resort to drugs like many people do when they are suffering and this is why I know I had to remove myself from the situation. The decision of leaving my loved one was only the best thing I could do for myself. 

It is hard losing my ex because he was my first love. I pictured a future with family, a house, pets, farm... just an overall future with him until we die old together. He was the first person I connected with our quirky personalities and add sense of humor. Our intimate love was unique to me and I loved being with him and around him. I learned to accept that if its only one person fighting in that relationship, you can’t go on forever. Eventually the person fighting will be out of energy and definitely needs a breaks and deserves a better life. I don’t think far about dating others at the moment, but I know it will be difficult for me as I thought it was already fate that brought me and my ex together. I hate that I am a hopeful person because I think about meeting with my ex again in the future. The chances will be hard and very slim of us being together because of the lies that had already accumulated together. I know there is potential in the future, but I just don’t feel that I can love someone the way I loved my ex. I just wanted the real guy I fell in love with that night on the dance floor. He is lost somewhere and controlled by a drug addict, a junkie. I pray that my love would break out of the spell he is in and just come back home. He deserves a good life, not the life he is in now.