#maybe she doesn’t have a back story or her own motives or agenda

[summers0n]

ok BUT LISTEN…shannon’s last words were not to trust anyone. Obviously. there’s this goober. right. right…

but it was a really early reveal and tbh it’s hard to feel the betrayal of being backstabbed when it was more of a…front stab (he wasn’t subtle you kinda saw it from a mile away).

But then…i was thinking…

who doesn’t…

have any real…

reason to…

go rouge…?

and it’s really interesting how everyone’s names have a significant meaning to their role. Ava/Eve, Beatrice/St. Beatrice, Mary/bitter, Lilith/demon lilith. i wonder what camila’s name mea-

…

but -

i mean - haha

it’s not like she may or may not have been foreshadowed SPYING on Ava FOR vincent or anything!!🤪

…

To be clear, i don’t think Camilla is evil. more likely than not if she does turn against the team it’s gonna be possession. but i can just FEEL it she’s gonna be important😮‍💨

#avatrice #warrior nun #sister camila #i’m sure it’s fine #it’s not like the writers would get us invested in a really cool fun unique character #to the point where we viewed and saw her as one of our own #only to reveal that they traitored us! haha #like that wouldn’t be a more appropriate backstab or twist or anything #haha and i oop #headcanon #season 2 predictions #warrior nun s2 #do i think this will happen?……maybe? #camilla is just too…perfect. sometimes. and it makes me anxious #maybe she’s just perfect #maybe she’s just there to flesh out the group #maybe she doesn’t have a back story or her own motives or agenda

[doomednarrative]

I do resent the assertion that Jacket is a protag who loves destruction and violence and does what he does because he likes it.

Jacket is a war vet who never received any help after coming home, and who had his prejudice against the Russians (both for his friend Beard’s death in the San Fran nuking and due to almost killing him in the war too) manipulated and used by 50 Blessings for their own agenda. Like that other post I reblogged before said, if Jacket really liked everything that he was doing, would Richard and Don Juan and Rasmus even exist and be questioning him? They’re all figments made of Jacket’s coma addled mind while he tries to reckon with everything that’s happened to him. If Jacket really liked the violence and death he caused, rather than feeling like it’s a way to get revenge for his dead friend and deal with that grief, why would his mind be questioning him on his actions, telling him he’s done terrible things and that he’s a bad person?

Hell, you can see from the way he deals with other people outside of the mafia that he really doesnt like hurting and killing people! The homeless guy he kills in the beginning of the game makes him vomit right after committing the act, and he’s clearly upset with/sickened by what he’s done if that’s anything to go off of. When given a chance to kill Girlfriend, he doesn’t! She’s entirely in a vulnerable position and if he was really doing everything because he enjoys the violence, he would have just killed her straight off. Instead, he helps her. He brings her home, lets her live with him and get herself back together, and eventually they have a relationship. Richter of course is the biggest example of this whole sentiment though, seeing as he’s the one responsible for Girlfriend’s death. Jacket went to the station with the intent to get info out of him, and seemingly Did go to kill him! But he had a change of heart in the end, maybe feeling bad considering what Richter said about them being similar (being forced to do things by 50 Blessings) and lets him go.

If Jacket really was a guy who Enjoyed all of the violence and the killing, I don’t think he’d have done Any of that. He’s not like Martin, who easily expresses that he has a desire to hurt and kill people, or like Jake, who revels in his deeper prejudice and hatred and takes it to extreme levels. And that’s not to say Jacket is a Good person either, he’s clearly very morally complicated and does a lot of horrible things!! He signs up for 50 Blessings himself, he clearly has issues with his own hatred of the Russians and doesn’t mind the violence when it’s against them specifically.

But the thing that sets him apart from other main characters of this narrative is that his motivations and drive to commit those acts are Focused, rather than being broad all encompassing hatred. His goal was to get revenge for the death of a dear friend that he lost due to a Russian nuke, and because he himself had almost died in the war from them, and would have if Beard hadn’t saved him. Jacket’s Whole motivation for what he does, despite the ripple effects it does cause, were Very very focused and due to his grief and war trauma and he had those feelings manipulated further by 50 Blessings so that he could be a pawn in their long spanning agenda of political unrest. That’s why Jacket ending HLM 1 with tossing the photo of he and Beard off the balcony is so significant: it represents an end to his fight. He’s achieved what he considered his goal in revenge, and he’s done with trying to keep enacting out violence or killing people. That’s why he doesn’t participate in the prison riot like Richter does either; he’s done and he’s given up.

Jacket’s such a multi layered character, and it feels like such a disservice to other parts of his narrative, particularly that he’s a war vet with clear trauma, to reduce him to a guy who did Any of this because he liked it. Every single step in his story points to the answer of the question “Do you like hurting people” to not be so clear cut as to say just Yes or No. It’s more than that, and that answer deserves nuance in order to clearly understand Jacket and the effect his actions have on the story at large.

#yes im writing out huge expanses of meta on a game that came out ten years ago let me live #hotline miami #jacket hotline miami #hotline miami meta #hotline miami 2 #my meta #kief rambles about hotline miami

[legend-of-cupcake]

Okay I finally have time to write my thoughts about chapter 96, so lets just get right into it!

Very interesting that Nene decided to not mention Sumire’s fate to Kou and Hanako, you’d think she would’ve said something, considering she also learnt some important information about yorishiros. It looks like Nene is taking a page out of Hanako’s book through lying by omission. 

I went back and checked every translation of chapter 95 I could find, Sakura absolutely did not say this at all. Nene, once again, is sorta lying by omission here. Yes, she’s correct in saying that it’s fine to not destroy the remaining yorishiros, but she’s neglecting to inform the boys of why it’s fine for her to not do it. 

To me, it seems like Nene is going to start forming her own agenda. I said before that while its true she doesn’t truly want to die, Nene is the self sacrificing type. I think, she will come to the conclusion that destroying the yorishiros may be for the best for everyone, and will carry out that conclusion knowing full well she will die. She won’t tell Hanako, because he’s already proven multiple times that he will go to the extreme for her sake-- even going as far as to try and kill her best friend-- so in that regards she knows she can’t tell him.

Speaking of Hanako...

Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t this the first time he’s actually spoke about Tsukasa without the context of the murder??? It’s really interesting to see even a glimpse of Hanako’s perspective of Tsukasa-- or Hanako’s perspective of anything honestly because that boy is so mysterious. It seems even he doesn’t understand how Tsukasa thinks or what his motivations are, and he seems so... sad about it. Tsukasa is his little brother, who he loves more than anything, and Hanako doesn’t even understand him. That must cut him deep. 

((It also makes you wonder just how aware is Hanako of everything Tsukasa has been through… Does he know Tsukasa sacrificed himself at 4 years old for Hanako’s sake? Does he know about the red house? Does Hanako truly know anything about what happened to Tsukasa??))

Actually that reminds me of another certain boy...

Tsukasa also doesn’t seem to really understand Hanako either, even convincing himself he’s hated after 1 single argument, but this is a bit more understandable since Tsukasa here is literally only 4 years old.

But it’s an interesting parallel, that both the twins don’t seem to think they really understand each other, despite living both their lives and afterlives together. I don’t think I’ve seen a worse case of bad communication lmao

But anyway, this also means Hanako and Tsukasa are definitely not working together!! I know at some points it sometimes seemed like they were in cahoots, but Hanako truly does not seem to be lying in this chapter, he isn’t putting on one of his usual facades and he also isn’t looking away like he sometimes does when lying. So in my opinion this case is closed, Hanako and Tsukasa are working towards their own goals. (If you want to know my opinion on Tsukasa’s goal, I made a post sometime ago and I still think it holds up) 

Moving on...

I think this is the first time Hanako has acknowledged Sakura’s existence I believe? The theorist in me wants to get excited because I previously theorised that Sakura was the one who told Hanako about making a wish to god, but from the way he speaks about her here... I don’t know, I just get the vibe that maybe that’s not true anymore? He didn’t even call her by name, just “Tsukasa’s assistant”, which he could’ve gotten from his reunion with Tsukasa 

Only time will tell with this one, but I do believe Sakura will be playing a bigger role as the story reaches the final arcs. She knows way more than she should, and frankly I still believe she’s related to god in some aspect (if she isn’t god herself that is). 

Last thing I want to say about Hanako... 

I mentioned it very briefly before more as a joke, but it does seem while he is apologetic for his actions, Hanako hasn’t changed his ways. If an opportunity comes up again that may benefit Nene’s lifespan, Hanako is absolutely going to do it, even if it’s shady. At most, I can see him being more willing to take Nene’s feelings into consideration, but Hanako has a horrible habit of ignoring her decisions and freewill, so who knows. 

I do hope he learns to rely on Nene and Kou, he would benefit so much from having their support.

The last thing I want to talk about in specific is Aoi...

This panel says it all for me, how Aoi acted while she was with No. 6 was not her being “brainwashed” like Nene seems to believe. It seems whatever No. 6 did to her, made another side of Aoi come out that she keeps buried deep down, very similar to how Yako described herself when her rumour had been changed.

And that’s why Aoi makes that face, because what she did to Nene was her still being herself... just another side of herself that she never shows. I mean, she said it herself: 

She did it of her own free will. 

And the fact that Nene doesn’t recognise Aoi at that time as... well Aoi, it must’ve been hurtful to her. And instead of owning up, she keeps it a secret, like she does with everything else. I hope these girls can just be honest with each other in the near future :((

Andddd last thing I want to mention!!

It’s a very interesting detail that Aoi has no feeling in her right hand. We don’t have enough information right now, but I’m wondering if this happened because Aoi’s hand is considered technically dead? It had almost completely rotted away in the far shore after all. 

And although Akane promises to find a way to heal it, how can you possibly heal something like that?

Unless... he goes to the clock keepers for help.

Perhaps this will be how we will start off the next arc, and how we will finally be able to learn about No.1′s yorishiro. And I’m sure we are in for more time travel shenanigans while we’re at it lmao 

Well that’s it for all my main thoughts on chapter 96!! Since it’s just an intermission chapter, there isn’t too much to go on in terms of theories, but there’s enough info drops to keep me sustained for the next month XD

#tbhk #tbhk chapter 96 #tbhk theory #jshk #jshk theories #this is basically all my thoughts on the new chapter #sorry its kinda all over the place

[foxymoxynoona]

To Kill A King (Ch. Seven)

Banner and linebreaks by the talented @awrkives

Summary: What’s more charming than Prince Seokjin? Nothing, obviously. Except maybe the rotating palace guests who each smile and bow and charm in an attempt to hide their true motives. Fortunately Seokjin has a close circle of friends (well, servants) who watch his back and endure his humor and help him navigate the tumultuous seas of heartbreak, love, and an arranged marriage, not necessarily in that order. If only they had helped him keep a closer eye on his bride-to-be’s handmaiden, who arrives with her own agenda… or maybe it would have been better if he had noticed her less? One thing is certain as this royal drama of the heart plays out: there are many people competing to kill a king.

Main Pairing: Prince Seokjin x Female OC Genre: Historical Fantasy World, political conspiracy, romance Rating: 18+

Content Warnings & story tags: includes explicit sex (mxf, fxf), possibly graphic violence/injury later, love and sex triangles or uh quadrangles?, sort of e 2 l, sort of bodyguard trope, sort of arranged marriage, a lot of plotting murder (it’s literally in the title), maybe character death, grief, pining, angst, love, oral (f receiving), I don’t know everything yet as the story is long and still being written

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“Find him.” That had been Nasimiyu’s command, given with the authority one would expect from the future queen of Yeonhalbi. And Dulce bit the inside of her cheek not to say anything because honestly, that tone was being used more and more with her lately, and she did not like it. What the fuck did she care if Nasimiyu was going to be queen someday? Yes, she cared about Nasimiyu in some unique and difficult to describe way, but it was actually in spite of that royal title. And yes, there was the whole blackmailing business, but Nasimiyu didn’t know a thing about that. For all she knew, Dulce was just besotted with her and, what, eager to be bossed around like a disobedient dog?

Not for the first time, Dulce considered that Nasimiyu thought she had domesticated Dulce.

She had not. 

Had she?

No, Dulce might not have done any murdering in a while but that was becaues the job at hand didn’t call for it yet, not because she’d bat an eyelash about it when necessary. Whereas Nasimiyu was all talk. She’d never killed a human in her life and never would with her own hands, only with whatever lofty, reckless laws she put in place that would crush the common man under the heel of her silken shoes. 

If Prince Seokjin came to Dulce with a better offer, would she flip? An offer that could ensure protection for her threatened family?

Ah, that was an interesting question. A very interesting question. It would be sad for Nasimiyu to die. Dulce didn’t want her to die, not even when she was feeling bitchy because Nasimiyu was being a bitch to her these last couple of days. Dulce cared about Nasimiyu.

But she didn’t love her. Definitely not the kind of love that made you put someone else before any greater picture… the kind of love that made you choose them over the lives of your family… the kind of love that made you set aside your dreams or fears or yearnings because those became tied up wholly in the other person…

It wasn’t anything against Nasimiyu. Dulce did not think she was capable of most kinds of love. Nasimiyu seemed to believe she was, or at least infinitely patient. And so after several days of being sharp and distant and aloof, she came directly to Dulce’s room early in the morning and said: “I have it on good authority the Prince is no longer in the palace. Find him.”

The valet was still in the palace. So were all three bodyguards. Either no one else noticed or no one was concerned the Prince was nowhere to be found, but after a quick search herself, Dulce thought this rumor Nasimiyu heard from ‘somewhere, it doesn’t matter’ was annoyingly correct. Also who the fuck was this ‘unknown source’?

And how the fuck was Dulce supposed to find an errant Prince with no advance warning and no clues of where he might be going? 

Dulce did not like to admit when things were impossible for her but this, this might be.

Nasimiyu wouldn’t hear of it though, and they had a row about it, and so Dulce decided to go out for the day and “search.” Nasimiyu could prepare to be disappointed. It wasn’t a bad errand anyway, even if it would be fruitless, because they’d been here over a month now and she hadn’t gotten to just wander the city yet. Nasimiyu kept her busy in good ways and bad, but at the end of the day, Dulce was someone who liked to be alone, even in a crowded city.

So she dressed in the dullest clothing she had, including a lightweight wrap in a warm brown color to make herself unremarkable and slightly obscured, and hitched a right on the back of a carriage headed down into the city. Once the place was hidden from view, she slipped from the carriage and continued on foot, free as a lark for one day. Finally.

Priva was laid out like most of the major cities Dulce had been in, with the nicer, more genteel areas clustered near the palace and along the main roads. It was a shockingly big city though, and every time she asked someone for directions to an inn or a restaurant or whatever other locale might help her get a better lay of the land than what was charted on the maps she’d memorized in the palace, she got a different answer. There were multiple seedy neighborhoods, dozens of cheap inns, and restaurants ranging from pots behind someone’s home with ‘the best soup you’re going to find’ on up to pristine restaurants perched on the tops of the tallest buildings with priceless views of the sunset over the water.

Dulce promptly gave up on finding the Prince. For all she knew he wasn’t even in the city. Maybe he’d gone to those creepy caves again, or maybe his father had sent him out to sea on some rushed errand, or maybe he actually was in the palace still and just very good at playing hide and seek. It would make sense; he’d grown up there. At one point he had allegedly been a child –in fact she’d seen the maternal letters discussing it. 

Who had he played with? Probably his brother. Maybe some of those boys who now served him. Other nobles. Probably not that Namjoon fellow who he was so tense around. It was odd, the way he acted then, not like there was actual danger but that at any moment Namjoon was going to say something mortifying. Which couldn’t be true because the Prince didn’t seem to get embarrassed about anything, even things Nasimiyu said he ought to be deeply embarrassed by. 

Dulce shook the thoughts from her head. It didn’t matter. Nothing about the prince mattered today. Nasimiyu had sent her on a fucked up goose chase and instead she was going to use the time for her own purposes because she didn’t get any time for her own purposes these days. Maybe she wasn’t a girl with hobbies or friends or greater ambitions than staying alive and finding some drunk joy now and then, but if she wanted time to get into some trouble in a foreign city, that was her right! And Nasimiyu had dared to say Dulce got breaks –yeah, just enough to train in her room so she wouldn’t be caught totally flat-footed if she needed to actually do something for once instead of just shuffling along behind Nasimiyu and pouring her tea and tying her dress and fingering her when she called for it. 

Ugh. Nasimiyu had totally fucking domesticated her. But not inside, just in practice, so fuck that, fuck her, Nasimiyu needed her more than she needed Nasimiyu! Assuming Nasmiyu didn’t know about the leverage with her family. Assuming Prince Hamisi was lying about actually knowing where Dulce’s family was.

Furious, Dulce stepped into a tavern for a drink, which she enjoyed tucked into a corner at the window, watching the lazy morning crowd inside and the bustling working crowd outside. People watching was a joy to her. She was good at this sort of thing, at guessing someone’s intentions based on the speed of their step, their occupation from the lines on their face and hands, or whether they were professional or personal acquaintances with the person they spoke to at the side of the road. She’d built a life out of noticing and trading on these observations, but because she enjoyed it besides being good at it. It was a way of sampling stories when she rarely had the money, time, nor patience to actually read a book.

The first time Nasimiyu had seen her with one, she’d joked, “I didn’t even know you could read much less would want to.”

Damn, she was such a bitch sometimes! And Dulce liked that about her. Had liked that about her. Still sometimes liked that about her.

No Nasimiyu today, she told herself and left the tavern, delightfully warmed by the dark beer. She’d skipped breakfast but her belly felt full now. They never served that kind of dark beer in palaces because it made you fat, which the nobles had decided was out of fashion at the moment. 

Well the day was young! She’d get more beer later. She liked beer. For now she set off down any street she chose, one hand holding the shawl over her head, the other resting against but not gripping the blade in her pocket. Gripping the blade prematurely made it too easy to pull it out on accident when anything startled you and there was nothing that blew the cover of a “pretty young maid” faster than pulling a dagger when it wasn’t needed.

How much longer could Dulce pass as a “young maid”? The question came to her unwittingly as she passed several rows of dress shops and hatteries or whatever the fuck the rich people called them and a few jewelry shops. Clearly she was wandering too close to the monied parts of town and took a side street, but the windows still had glass and it reflected her image back to her. Twenty-seven. It was good she didn’t smile because it prevented the crow’s feet beside her eyes that ran strong in her family and would age her up. All the women she could remember in her family had those, and deep creases in their forehead and beside their cheeks. Laugh lines, stress lines, they had all kinds of names for aging. Dulce didn’t care about aging or looking young except for how it served her.

Honestly she kind of looked forward to being old –assuming she lasted that long– and people underestimated her on the opposite end of the age spectrum. The ‘Buela ‘Ssassin. It sounded like an amusing adventure book, something that would be at home on the Prince’s absurd collection of books for overgrown children.

She passed a bookshop. And impulsively, because wasting time felt like triumph, in she went. I didn’t even know you could read, much less want to. It was stupid how much luxury Nasimiyu enjoyed without recognizing it! Of course Dulce knew how to read and had on the unusual occasion when an interesting book entering her hands coincided with free time.

There didn’t appear to be anything particularly special about this bookshop compared to any of the others. It was probably middling compared to the shops in the city, not frequented by the well-off but not quite the slums either judging by the decor. The shopkeep looked at her closely as she entered but deemed her unworthy of attention and went to help someone else. 

Dulce roamed the aisles, avoiding anyone else easily as the bookshop was not too crowded at the time of day. The titles on the spines of the books meant nothing to her, so she migrated towards a display with covers, but she had no way of knowing what might interest her. It wasn’t like she was actually shopping for anything anyway. She was killing time. The thing she was the worst at killing, it turns out! She felt suspicious. She shouldn’t have come in here.

As she turned away, curtains in the back corner caught her eye. Dulce didn’t have to be a frequent shopper to know what those dark red curtains meant. The porn closet, the expensive stuff, not what you just found doodled in the back of some old book while some student pretended to study or on cards stuck in between the pages of books passed around as if the fine literature was what had people all in a tizzy.

Well, why not? She was already here and suspicious, she might as well see if there was anything interesting. There might even be something she could take back to make Nasimiyu laugh –or maybe for her own pleasure! She could enjoy some raunchy illustrations as much as the next woman.

She slid through the curtain into the small closet stupidly without checking first to make sure there wasn’t anyone already in there. There was, and the small space didn’t leave much room to maneuver around, as the man was heading towards the curtain from the other side anyway and they nearly collided. Dulce craned her neck out of habit to look up at the person she was just about to run into–

The fucking royal Prince of Yeonhalbi. Prince Seokjin. Right there in the dirty books closet.

For a moment they just blinked at each other, the recognition obvious and instant. It was no surprise he launched immediately into a nervous joke.

“Oh, um excuse me, Miss. I think the merchant and I have a different understanding about what it means to take a leak…” He blink-cringed with his whole body. Dulce had never seen anything like it.

She had a split second to make her decision to play along as if they didn’t know each other. She remained silent, bobbed her head, but stood her ground –as in, she moved to the side so he could exit past her, and then took his place. 

In the porn closet. 

“Fuck,” she muttered to herself. Of all the impossible fucking things Nasimiyu asked her to do… and she’d done it! She’d found the Prince! In a fucking porn closet in a random bookshop in Priva! It was absolutely absurd. As was the knowledge that he was now outside of the porn closet, which she was now standing inside. But of course she had continued into it because in the moment, her instinct was to keep going forward, not to turn tail and flee. Apparently that applied even when you ran into a royal prince in a porn closet! At least she hadn’t blurted out some half-assed lie that made her look ridiculous. 

Dulce didn’t want to appear shaken. She wasn’t! So what if the prince knew she was looking at porn? She was a young unmarried woman! Would it reflect badly on Nasimiyu? Well he definitely wouldn’t guess they were fucking now… 

She pretended to look at a few things in the hopes he would finish his shopping and then she could slip out after him and follow at a safe distance. But she didn’t actually know if he was buying anything or how long that would take, and he could simply vanish before she saw which direction he chose. So on second thought, she slid from the closet as well.

He was still in the shop, not far away actually, looking over a display of books that didn’t actually seem to interest him. He turned as soon as she stepped out, as if he’d been waiting for her.  To confirm it, he approached, looking nervous in a way a prince never should.

“Didn’t find anything that interested you?” he asked with an odd smile.

Dulce tilted her head and arched her eyebrow and adjusted the scarf around her head. She said nothing.

“Ah, well, um… me neither… looking for a gift for a friend– you know Jungkook, young man, big needs, um– is your Mistress here with you?” He looked around the shop. Ah, that explained the nerves.

“No.”

“Oh. Shopping for your own interests um– or hers! I don’t know…”

Dulce also looked around the shop as well. Now that she’d caught her breath, she noted something else odd: the Prince did not look like the Prince. He wore common clothes; not poverty, but maybe middle class: a low quality cotton shirt and a cotton brown vest and common pants and shoes that actually looked walked in. Not a speck of jewelry on him, and glasses; she’d never seen him in glasses at the palace except the time she’d spied him in his room, and these were thick-framed and clunky looking, not the thin-rimmed metal spectacles.

Her lips twitched before she asked calmly, already knowing the answer, “Where is your bodyguard, Ser?”

“Oh! Well, I can’t shop for a gift for him with him right underfoot….” Even as he said it, he shook his head, and she heard the curse under his breath. 

And Dulce realized she had accidentally done it. She had found exactly what Nasimiyu and Prince Hamisi had been hoping for: A secret –the Prince sometimes left the palace dressed as a commoner. A vice –the Prince shopped for pornographic material at this exact bookshop. A weakness –the Prince left the palace alone, unguarded, untended.

“And your valet?”

The Prince opened his mouth. He looked like a fool. Like a common, handsome, lying man used to not being questioned too closely, used to making problems disappear with a wave of his hand.

Would he try to have Dulce killed now? In his position, that’s precisely what she would do.

Drawing on every acting skill she had ever employed to get away with mischief as a child or adult, Dulce made her eyes very large and her lips very pouty and gasped, “I swear I won’t tell. Please don’t have me killed.”

The response was immediate and, from every sign Dulce knew to look for, utterly, confusingly, completely sincere.

“No!” he gasped and stepped forward, hands up as if she had the power here, or like he might be going to grab her arms. “Don’t think that, that’s not at all what will happen,” he insisted. He lowered his voice, glancing around as he stepped closer and repeated, “That’s not what’s going to happen. You aren’t in any danger from me, I promise on everything. In fact I have far more reason to fear you right now!”

“Why?” she asked, eyes wide, lip trembling for effect. Fuck, men were so fucking easy to manipulate. 

“Because…” He sighed slowly, and looked away, like he thought the line of his jaw and neck would have the same effect on Dulce that her big eyes and pouty lips seemed to have on him. It did not. “Because these days in which I escape my very important and very exhausting job of being…. Who I am… These days are important to me. So I’m asking if you can just find it in your heart to forget you have seen me here.”

She couldn’t help it. Dulce, who normally had such great control of her tongue, promptly asked, “Your pornographic material is that important to you?”

“What?!” The laughter erupted from his chest, a bubbling brook that broke through the branches of secrecy. His whole face lit up when he laughed, probably from mortification because his ears were now very quickly getting very red. “No! NO no no, I told you, that was for my bodyguard–”

She scrunched her forehead up and admitted, “That’s more suspicious than you just looking for yourself.”

“I…” He chuckled and shook his head. “You’re really dragging me over the coals here.”

“No. No, ser, I don’t mean to cast aspersions on your um, choices…” She froze, remembering who she was speaking to, and the role she was supposed to have. The line between playacting and sincere here was blurry at best. She started to curtsy–

He grabbed her arm, putting them right next to each other.

“Please don’t,” he whispered. He was awfully close. “I’m just another person out here.”

“Your disguise is not very convincing,” she whispered back. “I recognized you straight away.”

“Well… you’re more clever than the average person,” he suggested. “Besides, people see what they expect to see and no one expects to see that sort of man out wandering through a bookshop.”

“Particularly the pornographic part.”

He grinned and admitted, “I think you may be funny.”

“I’m not. That wasn’t a joke, it was the truth.”

He looked down at her, mouth twitching like he still wasn’t sure whether she was joking. She wasn't. She didn’t tell jokes, especially with princes who were going to die very easily now that she knew this about him. He’d never even see it coming. No one would. It was almost instinctual, the sudden impulse to point this out to him. He’d go out for a lark and never return and no one would even know where to look for him. 

“Your disguise isn’t very good either,” he whispered back.

“What?!”

She shook his arm off and took a step back, studying him more carefully now. No way was he suspecting that–

“You look like a noblewoman in disguise.”

She scoffed, “I most certainly am not and do not.”

“Agree to disagree.” 

“You don’t even have stubble,” she pointed out. “Your glasses aren’t chipped. Your hat is clean and not missing any threads.”

“You think lowly of commoners.”

“I do not, I just know they aren’t likely to have more than one hat.” Shit. Were they bantering? Dulce let her shawl fall around her shoulders to be less suspicious according to this suspicious prince and said, “Your secret is safe with me, your… commoner. Enjoy your pornographic material.”

“I sh–” He had clearly been about to say I shall and cut himself off and Dulce turned quickly away not to laugh. Because she did not laugh, especially not when running into a fucking royal prince– Nasimiyu pulled this kind of shit too! What was with royalty who thought they could just put on a commoner costume and enjoy a life free of burdens and stress as a commoner for a day of fun? They had no idea what it was like to live as a commoner! A jaunty cap and thicker glasses didn’t do it!

Annoyed and glad to pretend to be rid of him, Dulce went back to browsing. She felt a sudden need to not make it seem like she’d only come into this shop for porn and then fled at his appearance, but she also wanted to see what he’d buy and where he’d go. So she slowly walked around the shop, listening for the door, trying to look engrossed in the meantime.

They ran into each other again at the end of an aisle. She thought he had done it on purpose, because he didn’t look surprised as he asked,

“What are you looking for?”

“Do you work here?”

His teeth were so white and straight when he smiled, eyes scrunching up as he laughed, “No, I haven’t gone that far, to get a job. I don’t know enough about books to get hired anyway. I like what I like and nothing else.”

“Um…” She pressed her lips together and glanced in the direction of the porn closet.

“No! Not that. I told you that’s for– no, I came here for something else.” He looked at her like he expected her to already know what that was. “The latest Kalamouche novel. Do you read those?”

“I don’t understand what that is. I don’t really get much time to read…”

“Oh. Um… right. Sorry, I forgot you’re…”

She gave him a wild look. He forgot. He forgot she was a servant and that servants have no freetime because they are busy earning their living by literally waiting hand and foot on people like him?

“Here, let me show you. The thing is, they have pictures so they’re quick to read.”

“I know how to read,” she gasped.

“I assumed that… uh, I would be surprised if Nasimiyu didn’t think education was important considering how strongly she talks about universal access.”

Well, Nasimiyu would be thrilled if he actually listened to the things she said! That was definitely more than she currently expected.

He looked so desperate for her to follow that she did. He led her to a table by the front that she had walked by because it was mostly empty, but he picked up one of a few books left and handed it to her. She recognized the title now from one of the collections on his shelf, though of course didn’t mention that.

“Um…” She opened it and flipped through. The art style was meaningless to her. It looked to be about a rodent. She wondered if that was why he liked it. She couldn’t tell much about the story from this book which was clearly later in the series, but he helped her out by suddenly launching into a premise for the whole thing. Though she knew this man very little, it sounded so completely like something he would like that she half expected he was writing them himself.

When she suggested this, he laughed, “No! I’m just lucky enough someone else does and I can enjoy them. They really amuse me. Do you ah, like stories like this? With pictures?”

“My lady doesn’t,” she admitted, mouth twisting.

“I didn’t think so,” he returned with his own uncomfortable smile. “But I asked about you.”

Her eyebrows raised. So did his, and she couldn’t tell if he was suddenly mocking her or equally as surprised or just mirroring her actions. It was a technique to get people to trust you. She knew that. Did he? He must. He was, after all, the royal prince. Was he possibly smarter than he acted or was it a fluke?

“I don’t know what I like,” she admitted vaguely. “I don’t read much.”

“Oh. Right. You came here for…”

“No! I didn’t actually know what was in there. I thought it might be valuable books.”

“Oh.”

“Not that I was going to steal!” she added, looking shocker and nervous and sincere, just to drive the lie home. “I was just curious.”

“Ah, yes, I see.”

He just believed her? But he must, because suddenly he looked incredibly uncomfortable again, before suggesting,

“Well I will buy you the first one and if you like it, you’ll have a whole series to love and it will make your birthday very easy!” He turned and grabbed a book from a shelf next to the table, continuing, “The new one just came out today and it’s nearly sold out, which is good. I always worry the author will stop.”

“Couldn’t you just patronize them yourself?”

“It’s incredible mysterious, no one knows who it is!”

Her eyes narrowed as she pressed, “But it’s not you.”

“It’s not,” he laughed. “I’d brag if I could draw that well! I don’t think I could imagine such a long story, either.” He had several books in his arms by this point, including a second of the new Kalamouche book. She tried to see what he was holding subtly, but he realized and showed her: a cookbook, a book on birds, a mystery novel, and a travel journal about Paloma. She frowned at that one and he explained, “For Taehyung.”

“The stablehand.”

“Is it the custom in Paloma to only call people by their titles?”

“No…”

“Oh. Is it just a struggle to remember our names?”

“No.”

He looked at her like he’d asked a question but he hadn’t so she waited too. 

“I understand it may take time for you to feel at home here,” he suggested. “But I hope no one is making you feel like you shouldn’t. You can call people by their names.”

“I feel uncomfortable with that until I’m friends with someone,” she suggested. “Otherwise it’s more professional.”

“Is it? It’s kind of…” He realized she was waiting for him to finish it. “Well if it makes you comfortable. Is there anything else I can buy for you while we’re here?”

“No, thank you.”

“I’m offering,” he said. “I do have um…” he leaned closer and whispered, “Nearly unlimited funds I am offering at your disposal.”

“The picture book will be enough. You shouldn’t even buy that. Is it a bribe?”

“A… bribe? Oh. Um, yes, please put in a good word for me but without telling anyone where I was or why.”

“Even my lady?”

“Oh.” He blinked, no doubt realizing the awkward predicament he had placed her in. 

“I thought that’s why you were buying me the book, as a cheap bribe.”

“No no, I thought you might like it.”

“Based on what? You don’t know anything about me. Ser.”

“Well you were nice to Lettie so I thought…”

Again the impulse struck her to say something without thinking twice about it and she admitted, “We eat rabbits where I grew up.”

“They eat them here too, Paloma isn’t special like that!” he laughed, not offended after all. She had not expected that to amuse him. “But don’t tell Lettie that.”

“You don’t think it’s important that she remember her place?”

“No. She’s a rabbit,” he said, as if this was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard.  

“Only people then?”

“Obviously not since we’re pretending to be peers right now,” he pointed out in that whisper again. “You are the one who won’t call anyone by their name. Let me pay for the books and then I will release you to decide my fate.”

“Hm?”

“All I ask is that you read the book first and think of my simple request to guard this innocent secret and maybe if you enjoy the book, it will convince you…” He carried his selections over to the merchant’s counter, then called over, “Are you sure you don’t want anything else? I’m offering anything. Even…” He jerked his head towards the corner. “I won’t tell and I won’t judge.”

“No, of course not that. You just want a secret on me in return.”

He grinned and didn’t refute it, but did pull out a small leather money pouch and pay the vendor. He had another bag with him and tucked the books into it, but handed her the one he’d purchased. For her. 

As she reached for it, he pulled it back and insisted, “Promise me you’ll give it a chance.”

“What else will I do with it?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know much about you, maybe you burn books for fun.”

“I don’t think Nasimiyu would have hired me then.”

“See, you do know how to use names,” he grinned, and handed the book over.

Fuck. 

He held the door for her, making it harder not to follow him straightaway. She hesitated, feeling that instinctive impulse to walk the opposite way, when in fact she couldn’t predict that because she didn’t know where he was going.

“Thank you for the book,” she mumbled, and bobbed her head, and set off to the left, just because it wasn’t the direction she’d come from. When she glanced over her shoulder, he’d watched her for a moment but turned right and started walking the opposite direction.

Dulce ran straight the fuck into another man. It wasn’t an important someone, not someone she knew, though she did recognize him from the tavern she’d had her beer in. He seemed to have been looking for her, though she thought he looked equal parts relieved and displeased to have found her. 

“Thought it was you,” the man said, looking down into her face. He wasn’t particularly tall, but certainly taller than her. Clean cut, dressed nicely, and with the sort of snobbishness that came from working for a good house –he was definitely staff, not yet another secret noble, but clearly someone who carried pride in their profession.

“Who am I?” she countered.

“You work for the princess.”

“Do I?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen you. I work for Lord Abel. His footman.” Lord Noah Abel was an older man, very wealthy, very quiet, usually seated around the periphery. She did not recall seeing this man and thought that even if he worked for Lord Abel, he was not actually a footman.

“How lovely for you,” she said, and pushed past him. But he caught her arm.

“Come on, then, let me buy you a drink.”

“No thank you.”

“Yeah. It’s not everyday the handmaid for the princess is out wandering around and we’d like to make your acquaintance. Nothing nasty unless you’re into it, just let’s have a chat.”

Dulce rolled her eyes. She knew exactly this kind of chat. They weren’t going to assault her in broad daylight or anything –she’d break them first, for sure– but they’d try to get some useful info, probably make some threats to keep her quiet.

“You shouldn’t tell me who you are and who you work for if you’re going to try and shake me down,” she pointed out.

“Shake you down? No no, you misunderstand. We just want to buy a drink for the Princess’ pretty handmaid. Maybe we can be friends who help each other out.” He was gesturing to two men to come over. How fucking annoying. How did they know her without her ever noticing them? She was disappointed in herself. She rarely missed a face.

Unless they were just totally lying about who they were, which was entirely possible, and in which case she would feel much less bad about what she was about to do if the man didn’t let go of her arm. The men all seemed truly servants in a household but then, so did she, so maybe they were just as much conmen as she was.

Someone grabbing her arm almost set her off completely; the drag as the person tried to pull her off made her instinctively dig her heels in and prepare for a fight.

“Come along, darling, we’re late.”

She recognized the Prince just quickly enough to not break his arm, and let him whisk her off without a glance back at the men until they were near the end of the block. The Prince’s stride was long and she had to rush to match it. When she looked back, she saw the men looking disappointed and heading back up the street, maybe back to the tavern.

“You met trouble within seconds!” the Prince lamented with a shake of his head as he tugged her around the corner. 

“They said they worked for Lord Abel.”

“I didn’t recognize them…”

“Do you normally recognize servants? You don’t have to keep hauling me, we’ve lost them. Slow down!”

He did at her cry, dropping her arm at once and peering down as if surprised they were still together.

“Thank you for your assistance but you didn’t need to risk being noticed,” she said, crossing them so he wouldn’t grab her again. “Or getting into trouble yourself. It would have been worse if they recognized you.”

He arched his eyebrow and demanded, “I was supposed to just let men bother you?” It made him look strangely mature.

“I’m a single woman. Men are constantly a bother. I would have sent them off momentarily.”

“I beg your pardon, are you annoyed that I intervened?” he asked, holding his hands up. His bag of books was slung over his shoulder. He looked like an intellectual, definitely not the sort of person who could help in a fight with the thugs those men might actually have been. But maybe that was deceptive because he was very tall and broad shouldered and he was trained in at least some forms of combat.

But yes, Dulce was annoyed. She was annoyed that he’d hauled her off before she could figure out who those men actually were. She was annoyed that he saw what he’d been told to see when he looked at her: a small helpless handmaid. She was annoyed she’d been ‘saved’ before she got to get some of her frustration out. Honestly, she could use a few punches thrown. 

“You’re in disguise,” she reminded him. “You shouldn’t risk it.”

“I’m baffled that you think I could just look the other way while you met trouble.”

“They were hardly trouble.”

“There were three of them and you are– I couldn’t possibly have just pretended not to see.”

“How did you see? Weren’t you walking the other way?”

Now he grinned, “I have good instincts.”

“To follow me?”

“Well… it can be dangerous for a young woman to wander the city alone,” he argued. He looked uncomfortable with the fact she’d questioned it.

“I’m a servant, I often walk cities alone, and I can handle myself. Thank you for your um, assistance, but it’s not needed.”

“I do not doubt that, however… now I feel obligated to…”

“You have no obligation to me.”

“You’re my lady’s favorite maid. If you meet with trouble inside my own city, I’ll never forgive myself and neither will she.”

“I hardly think a serving girl is worth all that,” she snorted, realizing he might be obnoxiously chivalrous about this. “Please continue your day and don’t worry about me. I can handle myself.”

The Prince looked like he wanted to argue but couldn’t think of a way to do it. Or like he was constipated. Either way, he didn’t move away, just looked to the side like someone else would walk over and settle this standoff for them. But she needed him to go about doing whatever he was going to do so she could follow him and find out what that was.

“I have a lot of things to do and I don’t need a chaperone,” she added.

“Right, of course, me neither, but…” She wasn’t sure if he actually trailed off or if she’d just stopped listening, because there was something odd happening to the side. Curious, she was drawn towards it, towards the low tremorous voice and the plucking of guitar strings, but even more so the small monkey wearing a velvet jacket and a hat that hopped around, extending an arm or leg here and there like a dancer.

Dulce had seen a monkey before. It had been a trained pickpocket and very clever thief working with a brutal owner who called himself The Dentist and kept fingernail clippings to show how many homes he successfully robbed without waking the owners. None of it made sense but he was crazy in a frightening way but also very dead now and that was definitely not his monkey –also dead, though that one not by her hand. 

The Prince must have misunderstood her stare, because he strode right over with an absolutely unnecessary hand on her shoulder to propel her along too.

“Ah, you don’t have these in Marvono or Paloma? This little rascal has quite a fan following,” he explained, smiling at the little monkey hopping and dancing around.

“He’s not very good,” Dulce said, not sure what else to say.

The Prince laughed, “He is for a monkey! Do you dance well then?”

“No, but I don’t claim to either. I’m not asking coin for it…” The monkey kept running up to individuals and tipping his little hat to beg. Dulce knew enough about street performers to suspect the man of overworking and abusing his monkey, or playing up the pitiful aspect of it for sympathy, though that didn’t seem to be part of his ploy. The monkey seemed happy and well cared for and cooperative, amused by anyone who gave it attention.

“Here, put this on your shoulder,” the Prince said, pressing a coin into her palm. “Oh, unless you’re afraid…”

“I’m not afraid of this monkey,” she argued.

“Well then…” His eyebrows rose and he smiled in an obvious challenge.zSo much like Nasimiyu! That ego, that taunt, like they were proving something about you, like they knew anything about you!

She squared her jaw anyway, determined to use this as proof she didn’t need his chaperoning today. Honestly, what sort of prince would suggest something like that about a maid?! And while alone!

“It’s inappropriate for you to chaperone a maid,” she told him, then pressed the coin to her shoulder the way he kept gesturing. 

“All right, you’re right, after the monkey, I’ll leave you to your fate.”

“Is your city really so dangerous?!”

“Ah… well…”

He broke off when she inhaled sharply at the scurry of a little furry creature right up her skirt! It crawled over her braid and onto her shoulder and tried to pry the coin from her fingers. The Prince looked satisfied and she realized he must give coins to this monkey all the time to know this trick. He clearly wasn’t scared and no one would guess it by looking at her either but, truth be told, she’d rather it get off now. It could bite her face off with its next move. Scratch her eyes out. She wasn’t afraid, she was just informed. 

“It’s all right, it’s all right,” the Prince cooed as if she was afraid. He held his arm out in front of her and the monkey leapt easily onto it, then lifted its head and gave a little bow to Dulce before clambering up the Prince’s arm and then down his body and back to deposit the coin into a little box by the man playing music. Very well, Dulce noted. She’d rather just listen to the music than watch the monkey.

“Are you all right?” the Prince asked, eyebrows pinching together with concern that felt a little teasing. “You said you weren’t afraid…”

“I wasn’t. Was that worth your coin to you then?”

He was definitely laughing at her expense as he insisted, “It was.”

“Good then, goodbye–”

“No, wait, now I’ve ticked you off and you’ll run home and tell my secrets,” he said, sliding quickly in front of her. “Let me bribe– I mean buy you something else first… a distraction… do you like squid?”

“Squid.”

“Yes?”

“I don’t eat squid. And I don’t need you to buy me anything else. I don’t even really like food.”

It was possibly one of the stupidest things Dulce had ever said in her life. She meant she did not share his obvious passion for the culinary arts! 

“Food is food. I’ll eat what I can get,” she corrected before realizing that sounded way too street for a handmaiden. “I don’t have particular tastes.”

He nodded through all of this, which is what clued her in to how much she was talking. Why the fuck was she saying so much?! 

“I heard this radical idea that servants can have opinions too.”

“You seem to surround yourself with those who do.”

He looked absolutely thrilled by what she had meant as an insult and agreed, “Yes! Don’t get me wrong, their opinions are sometimes terrible and wrong and meant to annoy me on purpose but… yes. I thought you might be like that for… for your lady.”

“Like what?” Dulce asked suspiciously. She doubted the Prince’s relationship with his “friends” was anything like her relationship with Dulce.

“Someone who isn’t afraid to speak their mind even to authority. The other girls seem more, um…” He glanced at the sky for the answer. “Hey, what do you call a potato that copies all the other potatoes?”

“Huh?”

“An imitato.” His face split into that wide grin, then his lips pursed like he was laughing inside his cheek, so pleased with himself.

Dulce flat out did not know what to say to this man who was the royal prince but was making jokes to a handmaid on the street. And while she wanted to feel like this was suspicious, like maybe he was the sort of man who’d prey on the staff, he very much did not give that feeling. If he was flirting with her, he was very bad and weird at flirting –which granted she and Nasimiyu knew but she didn’t feel like he was trying to make any obvious move on her. Did he really think street food and bad jokes would convince her to keep his secret from her mistress?

“Ah, it’s funny…”

“If you have to tell someone it’s funny…”

“Ha! I think you may be funny too.”

“I’m not. Not even a little bit.”

He laughed.

“No, that’s not a joke. I’m very…” She trailed off because even she knew it would sound stupid to insist no, I’m a very serious person. “I’m a servant. We don’t have time for jokes and laughter.”

“Well the other maids laugh a lot, that’s what I meant.”

“Yes they think you’re very charming.”

“Ha! But not you nor your mistress. You see? I think you are a window into her soul more than anyone else in her circle and that is why I want to buy you squid. Come on, then.”

“I’m not telling you her secrets.”

“Does she have any?”

“She’s an intelligent woman, I would hope she does but I don’t know them.”

Dulce was following him. She did it before she realized she was doing it. To fix it, she pressed,

“What about you, do you have secrets?”

“Not ones I’m very good at keeping apparently.”

An evasion? Or just a joke?

“Where were you going today?” she asked, to see what he’d say, and because apparently the Prince didn’t mind her asking questions like this, at least out here. Was this a unique opportunity to learn more about him than she’d ever be able to in the palace? Chances were that she’d already compromised his day too much anyway; he knew he’d been found, so he likely wouldn’t go anywhere or do anything further suspicious. He might just go back to the palace. 

But also she obviously couldn’t just walk around the city with the fucking prince all day. 

He was already ordering something from a little cart though, so she pulled her scarf up and went to stand somewhat near him, taking the opportunity to look around at the people on the street. It baffled her that no one seemed to even do a double-take. The prince lived right there in the palace! His disguise wasn’t even very good! Did people really just not know what he looked like?  But even if you didn’t know he was the royal prince, surely you could look at him and tell something was unusual, that there was something remarkable about him. Regular men just didn’t look like… that.

“Does no one really ever recognize you?” she asked suspiciously when he came back.

“Not that I know of,” he shrugged. “Not until you. Here, this is… it doesn’t matter, try it and then I’ll tell you.” He handed her a stick with two obvious sections of some poor little octopus and several fleshy looking pieces that must be the squid, all of it coated in a shiny red sauce.

“Is it spicy?”

“Are you a toddler? Are you allergic? Try it before you keep asking these questions!”

She scowled at him and felt like not doing it now that he’d ordered like that, but he was laughing too, like scolding was just a joke to him. The food was dripping, and he was now making quick work of his own, so she slid a first chewy bite off the stick with her teeth.

It was spicy, yes, but not remarkably so. Sweet, too, and hot temperature wise so that she had to blow around it on her tongue. Squid was chewier than she had expected, but not nearly as chewy as the octopus. She could feel the suckers on her tongue.

“It’s the texture, right? It’s strange. There’s another place that has it with sesame seeds and it’s delicious but you bite into it expecting the chewiness and then you get the little crunch from the seeds and it always shocks me into thinking I’ve broken a tooth,” he said, cheek inelegantly stuffed with food. His mouth puffed into a kiss as he chewed, and Dulce hated that that’s what she thought it looked like, but it did! He took bites with his whole face, like he was afraid for even a drop of sauce to escape.

“What do you think?” he asked. “Too spicy?”

“It’s not very spicy.”

“That’s what I think! It’s too spicy for my father so we don’t get much spicy food there.”

“That’s a shame. Nasimiyu likes spicy food.”

“Ah.” His eyebrows raised. He chewed his next bite, clearly thoughtful. “I knew that but… yes. The kitchen can do different meals for different people…” He grinned and waved his stick at her. “That is useful, thank you.”

“You already knew that, you said.”

“Sometimes it helps to be reminded. I have a lot going on here, you know.” He tapped his head, leaving some sauce on his hat. Dulce didn’t point it out because it didn’t matter. Suddenly he looked at her again and demanded, “Do you actually like it or are you just saying it? You can be honest. I’m not anyone important right now and even if I was, you wouldn’t get in trouble for being honest.”

That was definitely not true, but still she admitted, “I like the squid more than the octopus. The suckers are strange. The sauce isn’t very spicy though.”

“You already said– oh, ok, you’re disappointed.”

“I didn’t say that,” she frowned.

“All right, I know. But you’re doing this of your own volition. I’m not making you try a spicy food so if it’s too much and it makes you cry… it’s not my fault. You are your own woman.”

“Am I?”

“Are you afraid of spicy food? Does Paloma have spicy food? I’ve heard that. So does Marvono.”

She was following him. He was talking a lot, undeterred by her silence. He’d grown quieter around Nasimiyu these days, Dulce considered, like comments bubbled out when he couldn’t help but he spent a good deal of effort trying to help it. He didn’t seem to bother quieting himself with her. She was only a servant, after all, not his betrothed, he didn’t need to impress her. Which made it even stranger he was insisting on leading her to another food vendor several streets away. If this was a bribe, he was bad at it; he wasn’t even finding out what she wanted in exchange for her secrecy! He was just talking to her about food.

“I don’t remember much about Paloma. I haven’t been there in a long time and I don’t like to talk about it,” she finally said as he pointed to a shop that claimed to have Paloman food. She could tell by the display in the window it was all wrong. 

“Oh.”

He stopped walking and looked at her, which she didn’t appreciate.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Do you miss it? Or not miss it?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“You’re very secretive.”

“I’m a maid. There’s not much to know,” she said, praying she wasn’t about to have to concoct some elaborate lie to get him to stop asking about her. “My name and my position, that’s all a servant needs.”

“No one in this conversation believes that but even if one of us did, I don’t even know your name. I mean I know what you’re called.”

“That’s my name.”

“Dulce? It’s your whole name? Two three?”

“Huh?”

“Oh, in um, in the local dialect, Dul-set, it means two-three. It’s similar.”

“Oh.” Dulce didn’t know that. 

The prince didn’t seem to have anything more to say about it. Probably her lack of conversation was boring him and that was fine because she wasn’t the one trying to make a party out of this anyway. They’d arrived at another stall though, another one the Prince seemed familiar with as he wove his way through the busy streets. He came back with two bowls of different things.

He handed her one and said, “Tteokbeokki, do you know it?”

“No.”

“Very fine Privan cuisine but, ah, my father doesn’t like spicy so…”

“Is it more squid?”

“No, it’s rice cakes in a gochujang soup… this stall is very good for Privan food, the real local stuff.”

“Not the stuff you serve at the palace, that’s what you mean by real?”

The Prince nodded, boldly stealing one of the rice cakes using a toothpick and popping it into his mouth. Dulce found this notable, that the Prince looked to the food the people ate in the city instead of what was served in the finest restaurants as “real.” Even being aware of the differences was something in itself. He wasn’t wrong, but how many nobles actually walked the streets and ate the same food normal people did and recognized it as culturally defining? Even Nasimiyu was picky about what she ate outside of home…

“It’s spicy,” he warned as she picked up a second toothpick and speared one of the round little cakes. It was chewy in her mouth, more of a solid effort than the squid, but less rubbery. The soupy sauce had a kick to it that built. It was nice! It took over her mouth but only barely touched her sinuses.

The Prince watched her closely before determining, “You don’t think it’s maximum spicy.”

“It’s good though,” she admitted. “I didn’t know you had spicy food like this here.”

“Be careful, it will build. We use gochujang in a lot of things… ah, well, not in the Main Hall,” he admitted with a smile and… a wink? She didn’t understand the wink but she didn’t ask because this was all so strange it was starting to feel normal. This was the royal prince of Yeonhalbi and it was looking like he was even less bothered by it than Nasimiyu was about her own title. 

“Is that gochujang too?” she asked, pointing to the small dish he had. 

“No, it’s chicken. It’s… it’s very spicy. I wanted you to try this but… what if you die? I want to say you belong to yourself and can decide for yourself but I can’t have that on my conscience.”

“Die from a flavor?”

“It’s really spicy.”

“Well I want to try it,” she said.

“I can’t recommend that.”

“You suggested it.”

“It’s not a challenge– ah, are you like that? Someone suggested it and now–”

“I’m not like anything,” she frowned, and reached forward with her toothpick to take a piece of the chicken like they were old familiar friends and she wasn’t taking food from the Prince of Yeonhalbi’s dish. Prince Hamisi would shit a whole brick house to see her right now!

“Do you have any brothers?” he asked.

She paused, chicken halfway to her mouth, and asked slowly, “Why do you ask that?”

“Ah, it’s just a theory… I wondered if women who have brothers are more likely to feel like everything is a dare.”

“What are you basing that on?”

“A guess,” he shrugged. “Am I right?”

“Is that why you eat like someone is taking your food away?” she countered. “You’ve never known hunger but that’s how you look.”

She worried that would wound him, though not enough to stop her from saying it. Instead it made him laugh. He crossed a hand in front of his face, laughing so hard at this.

“What? You say that to me? You think I act like it’s going away? Maybe I do! You think they let me just eat anything I want? It’s hard work looking fit like that. My tutors don’t let me eat shit! And we don’t get to use the right spices or not enough spices so I have to sneak all the good food in the kitchen. Then I come out here to eat and now you’re taking my food too!”

She’d just been about to finally put the chicken in her mouth because she was coming to realize that these tirades he went on seemed to be nothing more than a performance. A joke. She didn’t know whether he was trying to get a laugh in an awkward way or it was just how he spoke when he got fired up about something but it was all the same to her.

Except that particular comment made her pause. She doubted he meant anything serious by it, but he was the Prince, and as far as he knew she was a maid who had just taken his food. 

Just as quickly he said, “No, eat it.”

“I’m sorry. I–”

“No! No, I got it for us to share. Eat the chicken.”

He couldn’t actually mean that. That was so odd! Who the fuck shared chicken with their betrothed’s maid? She couldn’t even wonder if it was an attempt at seduction, some weird sick fantasy, because no one tried to seduce a maid with chicken, right? This wasn’t wine or juicy fruit or even jewels thrown at her feet.

It was the spiciest fucking chicken she had ever eaten.

It was already building from the first bite, but not yet excruciating, so she reached for another because the prince did. And another. He warned her to go slow but he wasn’t slowing down eating either, shoving chicken into his mouth like that little dancing monkey was going to run over and wrestle it away. Or maybe like he was afraid Dulce really would take it all.

They ate the chicken until it was gone, until their eyes were red and watering, their noses were watering, their lips were on fire.

The prince was laughing and crying, “Is it hot enough?”

“It’s a little spicy,” she admitted, wiping her nose with her sleeve. He was doing it too, laughing harder now, tears streaming down the sides of his face.

“Dulce! “

She hadn’t expected him to say her name, much less shout it. She looked up, startled. 

“How can you say that? You’re crying! Ah, it burns so much,” he laughed, wiping at his face. “Shit, my eyes!!”

“Did you get it in your eye?!”

“I’m going to go blind– Shit.”

“Are you serious or is this another joke?”

“Do you have a, um, handkerchief or something–” he asked, yanking off his glasses.

She dove away and, at the stall, simply grabbed a wooden cup of water, not caring who it belonged to. She smelled it and tasted to make sure it was water as she carried it quickly back, ignoring the shout behind her. Back at the prince, wiping furiously at his weeping eye, she slipped onto her toes, grabbed the back of his head and pressed the cup to his eye and ordered,

“Head back.”

To her surprise, he did it. Head back, throat totally exposed, supported poorly by a woman balanced on her toes. The water ran down across his eyes and down the side of his face and onto his sleeve. Once the cup was empty, she nudged his head up and let him take the cup.

“You can’t just steal things from my shop!” the man yelled, grabbing Dulce’s arm.

“It was an emergency.”

“That doesn’t mean–”

“So sorry, good man,” the Prince interrupted, blinking rapidly but wiping at his eye more slowly now, with a clean handkerchief he must have found in his own pocket. “I’ll pay you for the water. She’s right, it was an emergency.”

The man looked at the prince for a moment. The very same man who a moment ago had sold the prince food, as far as Dulce could tell. But it was obvious in his blink that he at least had a suspicion as to who this might be.

“It’s fine. It’s fine. Nevermind about the water.”

“I insist –ah, the chicken is so good but the spice got in my eye.”

“I’m so sorry–”

“Thank you, bye,” Dulce said, and this time she was the one to grab the prince’s arm and lead him away from the area. Quickly.

“I’m still half-blind,” he admitted.

“Is it better though?”

“Yes. Yes, I think you saved my eye…”

“What were you doing rubbing it after you ate spicy food?”

“I forgot… no, don’t turn the scolding on me, that’s my job…”

She kept them moving until they were several streets away. She had no clue where they were now.

“You’re faster than I expected,” he mused, then, “The man recognized me, you think?”

“I don’t understand, they’re just glasses. It’s not a good disguise! So why didn’t he recognize you before?”

The prince slid his glasses back on and looked at her. His eye was still very red and watery and he was blinking a lot and his face and neck were red and sweaty, but he did seem to be in less pain. 

He looked at her and admitted, “It was worth it. That chicken was so good, wasn’t it?”

“How can you say that?”

“At least it was only my eye. Lower back pain is the worst.”

“Huh?”

“It’s a real pain in the ass– ah, is the language– no, I think it’s ok in front of you…”

“Are the jokes how you cope with things?” she asked because why not, her whole reason for sticking around was to ask questions.

“Jokes as a coping mechanism? Huh… maybe,” he considered, looking up and wiping at the last tears on his face. “You know, it wasn’t the chicken that got into my eye, it was the tteokbokki. I think the chicken would have actually blinded me. It’s not just for coping though… I just think it’s good to laugh and word plays are funny…”

“Your staff don’t think they’re funny.”

“Oh they do, usually. Sometimes. They just are trying to break me of the habit because they know some people don’t…” He trailed off. They both knew who he was talking about. “But you do.”

“Me?”

“You almost laugh sometimes.”

“I do not.”

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t have a sense of humor,” she told him. “A maid doesn’t need one.”

“A maid also doesn’t have opinions on food either but you liked the tteokbokki and the squid and the chicken but not the octopus,” he argued. “There are hotter foods here –a special pepper. We’ll try it another time. It really will make you sick…I mean, not you, because you won’t think it’s that spicy. Just a little burn,” he teased. “But it’s not something you eat unless you’re comfortable vomiting in front of your dining partner and it burns on the way up as bad as it did on the way down–”

“I think you should go back to the palace. Your eye is still very red.”

He let out a deep sigh and shook his head, “No, I won’t go back for this, not yet. I don’t get to do this very often. I’m almost done crying.”

“Are you?”

“I’ll say I got into a fight. You should have seen the other guy, he was massive, but I was fast and quick–”

“I don’t even know where we are,” she admitted, looking around. She could find their way back, but it was better to pretend to be lost. Actually she had an uncanny ability to navigate, like she could feel which way was north no matter which way she got lost. That had saved her skin a few times, for sure. 

“I’m not going back yet.”

“You’re in pain and it’s leaving you disoriented. You look like you’re about to start shadow-boxing on the sidewalk.”

“Ah…” He let his hands drop which made her think he might actually have been about to do it. Surely not. This man was so strange! He seemed too lanky and in poor control of his long limbs to be a good boxer; watching it would make her cringe.

“You want to go back?” he asked her. “I can escort you back.”

“No I don’t need to be escorted, you need to go back for medical attention–”

“Yes, all right. Let me show you something first. It’s on the way.”

Let me show you something. It’s on the way. Only a fool idiot girl would hear a man say that and think he meant anything good by it. Dulce was not a fool idiot girl. She was a grown ass woman on a mission, in a precarious situation right now with a poorly-disguised prince out and about in the city, and potentially half-blinded now. 

She was a spy. She was learning. She was trying to make sense of this incredibly strange man who seemed to pull a bad joke from his ass anytime he wanted to change the subject or break the silence. This privileged man who annoyingly played dress-up as a commoner for a day and was suddenly taking her on a gastro-tour of Priva instead of whatever his original purpose for coming into the city had been. She still needed to try and understand that.

So, for many reasons, when he gestured for her to follow and set off south even though the palace was north, she followed.

***

It was not in the direction of home. He wondered if she knew that; she didn’t know the city yet, but she seemed to notice things a lot so he didn’t want to assume she couldn’t tell they were walking in the wrong direction. But she didn’t say anything, just kept her gaze constantly leaping around, like she couldn’t quite stop the need to be always on alert in case her lady needed something. What an exhaustive state of being. He came into the city sometimes because he could turn off that role and responsibility, but walking next to her made him realize that even that was a privilege. She wasn’t here being anyone but herself, and in fact he may have made things harder for her by interrupting her day away from noble assholes. 

Once again he berated himself that he should have already parted ways for her. Of all the maids in the palace she probably could handle herself the best; at least she seemed competent and capable and a little intimidating despite her short stature. But what could she actually do in the face of men harassing her? He wouldn’t be able to sleep well tonight if he had just wandered her off and left her alone; it didn’t matter if that’s the sort of thing she dealt with every other day, today she had the poor misfortune to cross paths with him and so she was going to have to accept a little of his help in exchange for whatever he could glean from her that might help him in his efforts to woo Nasimiyu. The fact she was obviously a closet foodie and he could find joy in sharing some of his favorite local foods with her was just an added bonus. 

Not that he was thinking of Nasimiyu much as he led her through this little square and its performers and games. Despite the knowledge that this woman was a very close confidante of his betrothed, he felt an undeniable ease around her that did not apply to her mistress. Was it because she always seemed a little transparently confused by him, neither quite abhorred or amused? Was it because when he made dumb puns she seemed to note and judge them bluntly in the moment, letting him effectively distract from whatever he’d felt like distracting from? Was it just because impressing a servant, even a well-placed one, just wasn’t as important as winning the heart of his future love? Or was it because, like most of his friends, she seemed sparingly aware of rank and role? She seemed to have missed that schooling where handmaidens learned deference and to keep their eyes down and remain unnoticed until needed. She looked around curiously and asked questions or made quiet asides and she hadn’t blushed and giggled and run away when his friends were overly familiar with her in the kitchen. She wasn’t his, but as he spent more time with her, he was starting to feel like she was. In the sense of one of his friends who were actually servants and probably had to put up with them because their livelihoods depended on it but didn’t seem totally miserable about it!

He thought it boiled down to the feeling that Nasimiyu was disappointed him, but Dulce hadn’t expected anything of him and so was overall neutral on him. She wasn’t rude as a servant or anything but she just didn’t seem to care much that he was a prince and to be honest, he liked that in a servant. In a person, even! She didn’t smile or giggle like the other servant girls, she was utterly uncharmed by him and thus unlikely to help him much with Nasimiyu, but the way her lower lip pushed up and her eyebrows pushed in when he made a joke she thought was stupid was pretty amusing. 

Apparently the other servants around the palace were starting to call her Cold Cunt because she didn’t get along with any of them, hadn’t made a single friend, and didn’t do idle chatter. But she didn’t seem unfriendly to him, just unbothered. Her compassion when he got the gochujang in his eyes proved she wasn’t without feeling. Her insistence she had no opinions only to then hint at firm opinions made it seem more like she was merely a private person. Maybe shy!

Seokjin could understand that. And maybe she just didn’t like people or being around them much, which he could sort of understand too. He came into the city to be alone because he was nobody here despite the crowds, and when the noise and traffic got to be too much, he’d find a little cafe or bookshop to hide in for a while, or go for a walk on the sea wall and sit on the sand and stare out across the horizon his mother had loved so much. Being alone in the crowded city was different than being alone in his room. He liked both. 

Today he wasn’t alone though and that was ok. He was enjoying himself after that initial awkward encounter in the erotic section –look, he was a young man with needs! Needs he needed to be more careful about now that he was a soon-to-be-married man. He just didn’t want Nasimiyu and Dulce thinking about him in that light… some porn-obsessed, insatiable man…

But after that, with each opportunity in which they could have parted ways and did not, it became easier to trust the ease. For one day she seemed amenable to mostly forgetting he was a prince and he was mostly amenable to forgetting she was his future wife’s handmaid and it wasn’t like anything harmful was being done. They were watching a monkey dance. They were eating food. He was showing her around the Game Square.

“What is this place?” she asked him. “Are they celebrating something?”

“No, it’s always here. See, they perform or there’s food or toys to buy, or you can try your hand at any of those games to win.”

“What kind of games?”

“Do you like games?”

“No,” she predictably answered. Her face was stoic but she had very big dark eyes and they were looking all around, taking in everything. Seokjin only ever walked straight through here because it felt a little silly to be in a place like this on his own. He tried to envision bringing Nasimiyu here and realized he couldn’t predict whether she would like something like this. That was the thing, she was impossible to predict. If he could figure out the consistency behind what she liked or didn’t, he could better service her – in romantic affections! Not in– well eventually in–

“Look there,” he said, nudging Dulce’s arm. He didn’t have anything actually in mind, but they walked together behind a row of people lined up at various stalls trying to knock empty bottles over with a lightweight ball, or throwing darts, or even axes.

“What do they win?” Dulce asked him.

“Depends on the game. Why, do you want to play something? It costs to play but I have some money left.”

“No,” she said simply. But her ‘no’ was different from Nasimiyu’s no. It just felt like a no, not like your whole soul belonged in the trash with your suggestion.

Maybe he was reading too much into a no from Nasimiyu.

Maybe he wasn’t. 

They stopped to watch two men on unicycles juggling knives with fiery sticks in their mouths. The crowd had formed a circle around them –a wide circle, because their balance didn’t seem to be very good and they looked nervous which made the tossing of knives seem irresponsible in a crowd.

“You’re not impressed?” Dulce asked him.

“Hm?”

“You look angry…”

“Oh, I just think they’re stupid,” Seokjin admitted in a rush. Her eyebrows raised and he swore he saw the slightest lift at the corner of her mouth. “I mean! They are stupid to do this in the middle of the crowd like this, it looks like they might accidentally throw a knife at any second. Imagine we’re just standing here talking and suddenly–”

Her hand shot out. Seokjin gasped and leapt backwards, heart nearly bursting from his chest. His garbled shouts of horror and the way he curled away earned cries and panicked shouts from others as everyone leapt away from the point of danger.

Dulce looked at him like she hadn’t expected that reaction.

“You caught it?!”

She opened her hand. No knife. Her mouth did something funny then, pursing into a tight circle, twisting to the side, then frowning.

“Are you laughing at me?! Is that what you look like when you laugh?”

“I didn’t know…”

“Aish, you almost killed me! My heart is pounding in my chest,” he cried, boldly resting his forearm on her shoulder to seem casual and amused about the whole thing despite his breathless embarrassment. “Is this your humor? You think it’s funny to scare me to death? I don’t know how fast your reflexes are! My life flashed before my eyes and it was not impressive at all!” As his panic cleared, he realized she had just done something playful, she’d made a joke, at the same moment he realized she looked like she completely regretted it. “No! Haha it was funny. It was so funny.”

“You look like you’re having a heart attack,” she admitted.

“I know, you got me good!”

“I’m um… sorry…”

“No! Haha, I love a good joke. Come on, everyone is staring at me,” he said, and walked away. He didn’t miss that she looked concerned now and that was kind of neat. He never had expected her to ever look the least bit concerned at him and now this was the second time in a day. Apparently guilt made her a little visibly softer.

He stopped them again not far off so he could let his heart rate come down.

“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t think about the fact you would be extra jumpy about um… death jokes…”

Her whole demeanor and apology was just about the funniest thing Seokjin had ever seen from her. It was like a small, quiet, stoic woman had opened a window and over-the-top dark humor had erupted out faster than she intended. 

“You made my heart race faster than any woman ever has!” he joked, waving his hand in front of his face, laughing harder to put her at ease so she wouldn’t think she had actually crossed a line. “I like it. I knew it. I knew you were funny!”

“I’m not funny,” she insisted.

“Making me think I was about to die by a knife to the face –it’s very cleaver!”

“Cleave– ugh,” she sighed. 

“You made me think I was going to die and you say ‘ugh’ to my joke!” he laughed. It wasn’t performative this time, not meant to put her at ease, he wasn’t thinking anything at all about it except that her shame about her joke was really funny. She looked torn on whether it was all right she’d expressed disgust at his joke and that was funny too! “You owe me a good laugh now! Now I see that you’re funny!”

“I think my attempt at a joke proved I’m not…”

“I’m laughing!”

“I think that’s called shock and trauma?”

“Attempted joke, attempted murder…” He shook his head, wishing he’d been able to think of a joke connecting the two. “Well at least now I feel safe. You won’t tell anyone about my secret because I’ll tell them you’re funny.” 

“No one will believe you.”

“Ah, you’re probably right…” he sighed, distracted because that twitch at the corner of her mouth was more pronounced this time. A smile. Probably relief that he wasn’t flying off the handle. Why would he? He could see the humor in an over-the-top joke! Just like he appreciated she hadn’t made him feel like too much of an idiot for reacting so loudly when he was pretty sure he was about to die! “Ok let’s see what else is here, you can make more jokes about how I die.”

“I… don’t think that would be appropriate…”

“Why? I’m just a normal man.”

“That’s still murder…”

“Oh.” He snickered. “Right. That’s true. Ah, look at that!” He went in closer to watch at a slatted rope ladder strung from the ground to a wooden pole across a bed of hay. The ladder connected at a single point on the ground and on the pole, so that when people tried to climb it, the ladder flipped and they were dumped down into the hay. “This game is harder than it looks because the ladder flips.” She just looked at him; he could practically read her mind yeah, obviously dumbass. “I used to try this all the time when I was a kid,” he told her. He didn’t know why, maybe because she hadn’t said anything in response. Maybe his brain was still jittery from the moment he thought she had just saved his life by catching a knife inches from his face. “I tried to get my parents to set one up for me to practice with at home.”

“They wouldn’t?”

“No. I tried building one myself but I never figured it out before I got hurt enough on it my parents took it down..”

“So you never mastered it? It’s not impossible to do.”

“It’s easier for women. Your center of gravity is low. My shoulders are too broad –ah, it’s a blessing and a curse.”

Dulce shook her head, brow knitted like she couldn’t believe he thought that and insisted, “A man can still do it. You just have to distribute your weight properly.”

“Yes but as you move? If I go this hand and this foot, it twists.”

“Then your weight is still too much in your back foot, and you aren’t holding yourself stable with your other hand.”

He crossed his arms and argued, not sincerely, “It’s impossible. It can’t be done. I’ve never seen anyone succeed.”

“Just because you haven’t seen it doesn’t make it impossible.”

“Then prove me wrong.”

“No,” she said simply, and turned to go. That final, unbothered ‘no.’ Belatedly she added, “You can also just walk right up the middle if your balance is good.”

“Now you have to do it,” he demanded. “Go on, I’ll buy your turn.”

“I can’t do it, I’m wearing a skirt. I’ll trip on it.”

“Walk up the middle.”

“No.”

“Come on, I’m buying all your food today,” he goaded. She shook her head. “Please. Dulce. I want to see this. I’ve never seen it. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity for me.”

“There must be plenty of people in this city who can do it.”

“Including you!” he pointed out. “That’s what you’re saying, yeah? So come on! Let’s see it.”

“Why would I do that? I don’t want the attention.”

“I’ll keep you safe.”

“You don’t even know what that means,” she countered, and her lips pulled into a tight line. 

“Maybe I can’t catch a knife or climb this ladder but I’m not completely incapable. Show me how it’s done and I’ll…” He looked around, trying to think of a good reward. “I’ll buy you whatever you like as a prize. And we’ll run away before that child running the thing makes a big deal about it.”

She gave him a look. Her eyes rolled up to look at the sky. But she hadn’t walked away yet. He wasn’t sure which part of his offer enticed her, or if she was just playing at modest. She also could be lying, he considered. And now he was calling her bluff.

“Fine,” she said. “And then you have to try it too.”

“What? No no, I’ll look like an idiot. What if I land funny? I could break my neck. I could break my glasses and then everyone will know who I am!”

“All right. I’m going home–”

He grabbed her arm, “Fine. You show me first and if you do it, then I will too.”

“Slowly, like a… you do one leg and the opposite hand at a time and keep your weight high and slightly off,” she said like he was already on the thing.

“You first. My good man!” he called to the child running the thing, who was no doubt being watched over by a frightening adult nearby. “Both of us will try. What do we get if we succeed?”

“A pat on the back,” the smart-ass kid said. At Seokjin’s arched eyebrow, the kid laughed, “Ya, you think you can do it? If you do, you get your money back or you get a toy but isn’t it more important to impress your lady friend?”

“We’ll do it,” Seokjin said and handed over the coins. Then he rubbed his hands together and pretended to stretch his arms and legs as he guestered Dulce to go first.

It was truly the strangest thing he’d ever seen.

Dulce rolled the waistband of her skirt to lift the hem a little higher. Her eyes narrowed when someone whistled. Seokjin glanced to see who but people weren’t really paying attention to them so it was hard to identify unless he wanted to miss what she was doing because without any further hesitation, she put her foot in the middle of the next rung and then the next and then the next and walked like that right to the very top where she grabbed onto the pole.

“What the fuck,” Seokjin murmured. She’d moved like a cat, like a smooth, unbothered cat walking along a narrow fence top. There had been no hesitation in her step. She made it look easy! Like the ladder was actually anchored well. Her hands had been in the air for balance, and she was quick to grab the pole at the end as if she’d only held off the inevitable tumble until she could reach something secure. But she had done it like it was nothing, just right up to the top.

“What was that?!” he cried as she slipped down between the rungs and then picked her way through the hay to return to him. “Are you a handmaid or a cat? Is that what they teach you in handmaid school?!”

“There’s no such thing as handmaid school.”

“No?”

“They just toss you in and you sink or swim– you already knew that,” she interrupted herself. There was a darker shade to the tops of her cheeks and around her eyes, Seokjin was sure of it. Either from exertion or the shouts and claps that her success had won, he couldn’t say. “It’s your turn.”

“This is a test for whether I have enough dignity not to embarrass myself in front of you,” he suggested. “I hope you’re ready for the secondhand embarrassment. I won’t be embarrassed, it will be all on you because you’re the one I’ll wave to after I fall.”

“Don’t fall. Just take your time to shift your weight but not so much time that you start to shake. Make your hand and your foot work together. Move your weight like it’s another limb.”

“Your assumptions about my coordination are…” The reality that he was about to embarrass himself again was settling in. He didn’t look at her, knowing he’d be blushing because he hadn’t thought about how everyone would be watching now that she had so easily succeeded. “Hold my hat.”

He approached the rope ladder and already felt like an idiot as he planted his feet on the bottom rung and gripped further up with his hands. His long arms and legs made him look ridiculous, he knew that. His broad shoulders made the ladder look even tinier. And despite Dulce’s ease, the ladder was wobbly as hell. Seokjin muttered curses under his breath as he struggled from the first step to coordinate his opposite hand and feet to work together. It was too easy to overcorrect when the ladder began to wobble.

“Too slow,” she called. “You can’t do it if you don’t believe you can do it.”

He lifted his foot and hand, slammed them down further up and did his best to stay calm and shift his weight for balance. He didn’t fall. But he looked up and saw how many more steps it would be.

Damn.

He did it again, slowly but surely. And a third. The wobbles got stronger as he got higher; his heart leapt into his throat at the strong teeters. Every second felt like he was going over.

Six rungs. He made it six rungs! That was one more than halfway to the top and felt like real success. More embarrassing was the little yelp he let out as he suddenly found himself clinging upside down to the ladder. There was no graceful way to save it except to let go and land with a scratchy thud in the hay cushion below –which was not nearly as cushiony as he recalled from childhood. 

Everyone had moved on when it was clear he wasn’t going to make it, but he celebrated his own achievement, telling Dulce before she could be disappointed, “I think that’s the best I’ve ever done!”

“Oh!”

Her raised eyebrows and neutral expression he thought were an attempt to be supportive, which had him laughing, “You can pretend I did well!”

“You made it more than halfway. That’s well.”

“I did your technique.”

“But then you overcorrected,” she nodded. “You lean too far when you wobble.”

“Is wobble the technical term?” he asked. 

She suddenly pulled back and blinked –he’d never seen that expression on her before– and said, “I don’t know. It’s…a word.”

“It’s just a very silly word for a serious maid to use.”

“Well falling ass first into a pile of hay is a rather silly thing for a, um… person to do,” she countered. “Can we go now?”

“I knew you would be more embarrassed about it than I am!”

“I’m not embarrassed –I shouldn’t have let you goad me into–”

The child who’d taken their money ran over calling, “Wait! Don’t forget your prize, lady.” He thrust a little cheap wooden statue into her hand. 

“A hedgehog,” Seokjin said, tilting his head. “That’s cute.”

“Do you want it?” she asked, holding it out. Quickly she added, “I have nowhere to keep something like this.”

“You don’t even get a bed in the servant’s wing?” he asked, belatedly realizing how kind of shitty the joke sounded.

“I do, for sleeping in, not for filling with wooden statues of hedgehogs.”

“Well you only won the one.”

They both looked down at it, but then he glanced at her face, curious why she seemed so odd about the thing. Didn’t even a maid find some pride in a prize she won? Not that the trinket was anything remarkable but she had done something impressive. Really, really impressive. Scary impressive.

“How did your balance get that good?” he asked.

“I wanted to be a cat when I was a little girl.”

“Are you… making another joke?”

“You can’t tell if I am or not?” she asked. She pocketed the hedgehog. If she had been going to throw it away, he would have kept it, but he was glad to see her keep it after all. “You also promised me something if I embarrassed myself like that.”

“You didn’t embarrass yourself, you did it! And I even covered for you, right? No one will remember how smoothly you did that because they’ll remember me falling on my ass.”

“You still have hay in your hair.”

“Where?” He ruffled his fingers through it, chasing out a couple tickly pieces. Maybe it wasn’t surprising that she didn’t reach up to help, but she was a maid so he wasn’t sure if that was a sign she was still uncomfortable around him or just careful. She handed him his hat, which he slapped on, then sighed deeply, “All right, my word is my bond. What do you want?”

“That.” She pointed to a little bakery-cafe they had already passed, but at his nod they doubled back. He wasn’t sure why she had even noticed this place or what drew her to it, but the smell of coffee and baked goods floating out of the door was indeed a draw.

“All right, anything you want,” he conceded. They stepped inside and a rush of relief rolled down Seokjin’s spine. It wasn’t just nice smelling; inside was a little darker, calm and quiet. After the busy bustle of the ladders, it was wonderful to feel a little more private. Only then did it occur to him he usually would have sought out a space like this much sooner in the day. It was welcome now.

“I don’t know what to get,” she admitted as they stepped up to a counter. “Don’t you have opinions about it?”

“Ah. I see. You need me to guide– all right. We want that pie,” he impulsively told the baker. “Do you have forks? We’ll eat it here. And… two chocolate coffees. Yes?” He glanced at Dulce but she was just looking around the cafe like she wanted to memorize it. 

The woman told them to have a seat and she’d bring it out; Dulce picked a table in the corner by the glass window.

“This is a nice place,” she mused. She got this airy note to her voice when she was impressed, that’s what Seokjin thought it meant when her voice did that. 

“Do you, um, like places like this?”

“I don’t go into places like this,” she said. 

“Oh. Not even with Nasimiyu?”

“She likes…” She trailed off.

“Ah, please tell,” he chuckled under his breath. “You see everything so you can see I am… rope ladders are not the only thing I would appreciate your unique perspective on.”

“She likes busier, more active things,” Dulce answered. 

“Like balls.”

“Yes. Or busy dinners with lots of people to talk to. She likes to be in the thick of things.”

“Not a quiet bakery-cafe. Does she like pies?” Seokjin asked as the woman brought it over and set it down on the table along with two small plates and forks. 

“Tarts. Pies with custard filling, not fruit. But you should learn these things from her.”

He sighed and nodded, “I know. I don’t mean to put you in an awkward place. I know your loyalty is to your lady, I just want to make sure I do everything I can for her to be happy here. We want the same thing, you and I, so anything you can tell me helps us both…”

Dulce seemed to consider this for a moment, meticulously spooning a mixture of filling and crust onto her spoon before she suggested, “Sometimes it’s difficult to predict what will make her happy. That’s not your fault.”

He nodded at this but inside something relaxed. So that was true! He wasn’t wrong she was hard to predict if even her own maid said that! He tried to think of other things to ask, if Dulce was willing to answer them, but she beat him to it, asking him,

“What kind of things do you like?”

The question sounded so careful, so innocent. She took a bite of the pie and then went very still.

“Oh, is it bad?” he asked, and quickly took a bite to see. But no, it was incredible. “Oh!” he groaned. “Oh, that is a very good pie. Oh.”

“It is,” she agreed and dropped her face as she smiled. “Maybe you like it a little more…”

“Don’t tell Yoongi, this is better than the pies at home! Ma’am! Miss! What spices are in this? What kind of apples?”

“She’s not going to give you her secrets,” Dulce shushed him. Shushed him!

The woman tossed her head as she carried over their two mugs, “She’s right, you like it, you buy more.” She sounded so gruff and annoyed with them, it really didn’t match the otherwise quaint atmosphere. Or the smile she gave Dulce. The instant camaraderie between them made Seokjin wonder if they knew each other, but nothing else seemed to indicate that they did. 

Not wanting to be less charming than Dulce, Seokjin agreed, “All right, I want two more to take with me. Have you got them?”

“Yes, I’ve got them, I’m a baker, aren’t I?” the woman said and turned to box them up like this was a great inconvenience. 

“What did I do wrong?” Seokjin whispered to Dulce, who looked positively amused.

“How would I know?”

“Do you know her?”

“No, why would I know her?” Dulce looked genuinely confused. 

He couldn’t explain to her why this amused him, to see confirmed that he and his friends weren’t the only ones who found Dulce charming in some unusual way. He wouldn’t be able to explain it. But apparently you either got it or you didn’t, and this baker got it, and it seemed most of the other servants didn’t. Nasimiyu obviously did. He figured if he pressed Dulce on it, she would clam up, and he liked this easy conversation with her.

So he just picked up where they had left off, “To answer your question, what do I like… Food.”

“Yes I did notice that.”

He winked and clicked his tongue and pointed his finger at her, “You’re clever. Um… reading. I like games –even that rope ladder thing– even when I’m bad at them. Although I like the more when I’m good at them.”

“Doesn’t everyone? Do you mean you’re a sore loser?”

“I’m a prince, I don’t lose– shit, I didn’t mean to say that outloud,” he laughed, looking around, but no one was close nor listening. “Hm. Animals. Comfortable clothes. Oh, I’m supposed to be answering impressive things, wait, let me take those back. I like charity and education and–”

“And seeming impressive?”

“Am I not impressive?” he joked. He rested his chin in the dip between his thumb and forefinger. She raised her eyebrows and the corners of her mouth pulled back in a look of completely fake agreement. “You are brutal, Dulce.”

“I’m not someone you need to bother impressing so what does it matter?”

“Secretly I agree with you but publicly… I have an image. An important one. A role to play, a duty to take seriously. Maybe I like to play as hard as I work, but what’s wrong with that? Does Nasimiyu play?”

“Hm… in her own way, yes.”

“Oh? What way is that?”

She leaned her chin on her hand. It was the most casual posture he’d seen from her. She slid a bite of pie into her mouth and chewed and he could have sworn she looked very happy even without a smile. He felt it, like with a bunny that might not actually smile the way a human did but you could still feel the smile. Was a place like this really such a nice thing for a maid? But to be honest, he kept forgetting she was a maid, while also not forgetting it because she was Nasimiyu’s maid, but forgetting it in the sense that someone like her did not have the time nor money to sit in a bakery-cafe in the afternoon and drink chocolate coffee and eat a pie. She looked at home in a place like this. It didn’t seem right that some people were born to be in places like this and some people weren’t.

“Why did you get a whole pie?” she asked him before interrupting herself, “Never mind.”

“Oh. Why not?”

“I forgot,” she admitted. She wrapped her hands around the mug even though it was shockingly hot; Seokjin didn’t want to grab his own mug the same way yet. 

“Forgot what?”

She wouldn’t answer. Seokjin wondered if she meant that you’re a prince and if so he felt pretty smug about that. If nothing else came out of today, at least Dulce would understand he was approachable and non-threatening, maybe even a nice man, and hopefully that would win him a champion with Nasimiyu. Unless Nasimiyu didn’t like nice men? But he just felt faith in Dulce right now and her ability to sway Nasimiyu’s opinion. He got the feeling Nasimiyu listened to Dulce as much or more than he listened to Jimin. 

“We can’t eat all this.”

“Not if you don’t believe in yourself,” he scoffed. “Be confident. Move one foot and one hand at a time.”

“I’ll do my best…” She looked at the pie like she wanted more but wasn’t sure if she should. He took it upon himself to slice and serve them each another massive piece.

They lapsed into silence. Seokjin was happy to eat and drink. His back was to the room but he could see out the window and felt sheltered from the bustle of the street, even when that bustle would briefly come in, usually to buy bread. He felt like they’d discovered a real gem in this place. He had never noticed it before but it was quaint and Dulce was such good company that he grew quiet. The need to fill the silence gradually settled in him, buried under a lot of pie and coffee. She didn’t seem to mind at all when he stopped talking. Maybe she was relieved, and the thought made him smile to himself. Well he would give her a break now.

Eventually they were nearing the end –they hadn’t quite finished the pie but nearly, so when the baker brought over the two additional pies in boxes, he wedged the leftovers in with one of them. The baker told him the amount owed, and he dug into his pocket for his coin purse.

“Oh,” he said, when his hand closed around the empty bag in his breast pocket. “I used my last money on the ladders…”

“You’re making a joke right now.”

He grimaced as he pulled the bag out and turned it over in his palm. A single small coin fell out, not nearly enough. The baker looked scandalized.

“You–”

“Don’t yell,” Dulce interrupted the woman, perfectly calm as she fished into the pocket of her skirt. “Give us a moment.”

“Can you?” Seokjin asked, starting to sweat. This had never happened to him before. He never carried much money on him when he went into the city so it wouldn’t cause him trouble, but he also never spent as much as he had today, buying two of everything, so many books, the games, the monkey. He watched as Dulce fished a much rattier coin purse from beneath the table and dug around inside. “I’ll pay you everything back and then some when we get back to the palace,” he vowed.

She didn’t comment but handed the woman the coins –literally everything she had in the bag, that was obvious. Nasimiyu must not pay her as well as he expected! The baker took the last coin from Seokjin’s hand and turned away, not looking happy even though she’d got her money.

“I’ll get your money back to you,” he assured Dulce again. “Ah, it’s embarrassing… I’m glad I didn’t know until the end or I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy the pie. I promise I’m much better with money in my real job.”

“What would you have done if I didn’t have the money?”

“Washed dishes, I guess.”

“Do you know how to do that?”

“You’ve seen me in the kitchen, you know I do! Yoongi makes me wash dishes, I don’t get to just make whatever mess I want and leave it.”

Her chin lowered as she mused, “That’s not true though. You can do whatever you want. He can’t actually order you around.”

“Why not? That’s his space, not mine.”

“It’s all your space. Everything is. The whole city. If you told her who you are, you could have all of this and more on credit and–”

“No.” He said it simply, to see how she would respond to a taste of her own medicine. He pushed up from the table and took over managing the pie boxes into the bag he’d been carrying their books in all day, even though it meant taking the books out. She just watched, and didn’t seem particularly bothered by his no. She didn’t even argue. A no was a no with her, and it apparently worked both ways.

It took some finagling so the pies wouldn’t spill, and the bag would be awkward to carry, but there it was.

“I could tell by your look you didn’t think I’d figure it out, but this works fine,” he announced, carefully sliding the strap over his shoulder. 

“I didn’t say that.”

“Are you impressed? I’m good at puzzles.”

She didn’t answer that either which he took to be a silent ‘no.’ 

They left the bakery-cafe and now that it was getting later in the afternoon, he considered that he should probably lead her back to the palace. He turned to find the right way when suddenly Dulce bumped into his side and lifted a boy right off the ground. He was probably around ten, scrawny, a little wiry, and only a head shorter than Dulce, so it was rather impressive.

“Don’t go putting your hands in people’s pockets,” she told the lad who was obviously startled.

Quickly his shocked look twisted into a scowl as he cursed her out, “Let me go you fucking cunt.” He twisted and tried to break free but her grip on his arm looked painfully tight.

“Empty your pockets.”

“I didn’t take anything.”

“Uh… is there anything missing?” she asked Seokjin, propelling him into motion. 

He didn’t even check, just shook his head, “Nope.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“I told you, you fucking crazy bitch ass witch!”

Dulce gave the boy a hard shove away. He scowled at her once before taking off down the path.

“He had his hand in your pocket.”

“Ah there’s nothing in there,” he shrugged and began to walk. “I don’t come into the city with anything valuable.” He was stunned not to have even felt it but he supposed you weren’t a very good pickpocket if you got caught doing it –except the boy had underestimated Dulce. 

“You don’t care at all?” 

“That a child tried to pick my pocket?”

“He did take something, I’m positive. Your empty coin purse maybe? You barely looked.”

Seokjin shrugged, “He must be desperate to try, so if he finds a coin in there the baker missed, good for him.”

“I don’t think he’s desperate, you just look…” She trailed off again and began walking.

“I look what? Still handsome in my disguise?” he joked.

“Easy to pickpocket.”

“Why? What makes me seem like that?”

“Just… you do,” she shrugged. He almost asked if she had experience as a pickpocket but stopped himself in time. He wouldn’t judge her for it! Hoseok would have a fit if he asked someone that though, even a maid, and he didn’t want to offend Dulce.

Instead he asked, “Have you had a very interesting life?”

“Why would you ask a maid a question like that?”

“How does a woman born in Paloma become a maid to a Marvonese princess?”

“Luck,” she shrugged. 

“You seem like someone who’s had an interesting life.”

“I haven’t.”

“Yeah, I haven’t either,” he sighed, then amended, “I realize I’m very fortunate in my birth and all of that. I’m not too dense not to recognize how lucky I am in so many ways… Ah, forget I said that…” How mortifying. He wasn’t thinking clearly, he realized. There was a violin playing outside a house, and his belly was full, and it had been a good day despite his unexpected partner for it. “Sometimes I don’t think through what I’m saying,” he admitted.

“I’ve noticed.”

A smile. A kind smile, small though it was. She was very lovely without a smile and even lovelier with one. Her face looked softer with it, younger.

Her smile quickly disappeared as more instruments abruptly joined the violin, suddenly enough to startle them both. They turned to look as the doors of a house opened to shouts and a man and woman dressed nicely and covered in flowers stepped out. 

“What’s happening?” Dulce asked, stepping to the side as a roar ran up the street. She looked genuinely concerned as shutters flew open on the upper levels of the buildings around them and people leaned out of windows shouting and throwing things.

“A wedding,” Seokjin realized, face lighting up. These spontaneous celebrations were something he’d only stumbled across once; unlike the serious, dignified affairs of the nobility, the common folk of Priva made a real riot about weddings. “That’s the bride and groom,” he explained, pressing back against the wall. The music was now so loud though he had to lean down so she could hear. It helped that she was looking up, eyes wide and curious as the street came alive. The roars of applause and shouts of blessings were drowned out by the noise as the groom swept his bride into his arms and began to dance down the street with her. In kicking off the dance, others joined in, old couples, young couples, neighbors and strangers.

Dulce held her hand out, palm up, and Seokjin followed her gaze skyward as flower petals rained down, thrown by the conspiring friends from the upper levels. It was such a sudden and shocking expression of communal joy. Seokjin didn’t know if everyone in the area even knew the couple who had just married and were being ushered down the street, led by the band playing music. 

For one brief impulsive moment Seokjin got carried away. He wasn’t thinking straight, he blamed it on the full belly and the music and the ease he felt after a day in Dulce’s easy company. 

“Do you want to dance?” he asked but his voice faltered halfway through as he spotted several people he recognized from the palace –other staff, no doubt about their own day, but he needed to not be seen by them.

He needed to especially not be seen by them dancing around a wedding parade with his betrothed’s maid.

He felt bad to interrupt the moment because Dulce still had this starry look on her face, but he nudged her arm and motioned with his head, “We had better go.”

Thankfully, Dulce didn’t seem to have heard his question. She didn’t argue with his new suggestion, just nodded and followed him like that was the plan all along. The joyful celebration faded behind them, music softening to a whisper, as he led her up a different street, and he felt something sad creep in, the tragedy of a moment ending too soon. It would have been nice to join the parade for a little bit and live in that bubble of joy for a while longer. Although at least the interruption had spared him the embarrassment of asking his betrothed’s maid to dance. What had he been thinking? He hadn’t been. Too much good food today.

He was tired now, and he thought she might be too. They had walked a lot. There’d been a lot of unusual moments, even for a day he went into the city which was already supposed to be out of the ordinary for him. 

Based on nothing, he thought she might enjoy the sea walk, and they were close to it anyway.

“It’s less crowded up here,” he told her as they took the stairs. “It won’t get us all the way there but it’s a straight shot.”

“We walked all the way here?” she realized.

“Ai, yeah, my legs are going to be too sore for my dance practice tomorrow,” he lamented. Then, because he had a dream she would appreciate it, he asked her, “How do nudists dance?”

“No.”

He started laughing at her shut down and because her lips twitched and because he firmly believed she was really not as serious as she claimed to be. So he ignored her ‘no’ and answered anyway:

“Cheek to cheek.”

“It’s terrible.”

“You’re trying not to laugh, admit it.”

“If you brought me up here to push me off the wall and that’s the last thing I hear–”

“Wha wha why would I do that?” he gasped. On second thought, just to reassure her, he nudged her in front of him so he could walk on the side of the sea, even though there was a wall and a low fence and then a little bit more wall in a serious effort to keep anyone from meeting an untimely end. “Just don’t push me off,” he joked. 

She must not have heard though, distracted by the late afternoon sun lowering over the water. Nightfall was still a long way away. Sometimes he stayed out into the evening but he’d be at dinner tonight and his father and most of the palace wouldn’t even know he had ever been gone; they would assume he’d just holed up in his room for the day, which he also did on occasion. Sometimes he escaped the palace into the cozy space he’d made for himself in his bedroom; other times he wanted to escape even himself and went into the city. Today he’d only been halfway successful in that and yet…

This was nice. The bag was awkward to carry but the breeze was cooler up here even though the sun was hotter too. Dulce had looped her shawl over her head and hair again, which was probably for the best since they were more likely to be spotted by nobles up here. It wasn’t off-limits to common folk as longa as everyone behaved, but the presence of guards enforcing the peace made it one area of the city nobility felt more comfortable venturing beyond their own walls.

“I’m sorry I prevented you from running any of your errands today,” he mentioned after several minutes of peaceful silence.

“I wasn’t doing anything in particular. Just exploring.”

“There’s a lot to see in the city. I hope you enjoyed it and that you’ll have more opportunities to find things here.”

“My lady is marrying the prince so I suspect I’ll be here for a long time.”

He felt the need to clarify, “Sorry, I don’t really expect you to keep this all a secret from her. You have my permission to do whatever you want but I hope you were going to do that even without my permission. It’s my own fault for getting noticed. I just hope she can understand the need to get away sometimes. Or maybe she’s never felt like that. Sometimes people are born the way they’re supposed to be born and sometimes people have to figure it out. She seems like someone who was born to it.” 

He stopped talking, realizing he was saying too much. Again. 

“I can be a better ruler and understand people better if i get to go out and see how they live,” he tried again. He wondered if she believed he was that selfless. It was true. But it was also true that sometimes he just wanted to be nobody in the world. He wasn’t thinking about how to be a prince when he snuck out, he was thinking about how to not be a prince at all.

Dulce didn’t say anything for a while and he bit back the urge to say more just to cover his own ass he’d left exposed. After a few minutes, the urge subsided. She didn’t seem to expect him to talk and fill the silence or entertain her but he got the feeling she had listened to him, and maybe heard more than he meant her ot hear.

Eventually she said, “Don’t try so hard to impress her. You can’t make her do or like anything she doesn’t want to. You just have to give her a chance to warm up on her own.”

She wasn’t the first one to suggest that. He knew he tried too hard, and his way of trying could be off-putting. It was frightening to have to just wait and hope; it was more comfortable to think he just had to figure out what the magic thing to say or do would be to impress her. He was charming! People thought so! He just had to show her–

But nothing he’d said or done had impressed Dulce either, and yet he’d just spent the majority of a day watching her gradually warm up to him. She’d even joked with him! He didn’t feel revulsion from her and sometimes he thought, perhaps overconfident, he even amused her. Maybe maid and mistress really were similar in that way, and it would just take time and faith.

Or maybe nothing would make any difference and he was in for a lifetime of his wife thinking he was obnoxious and incompetent. 

“You don’t think it’s hopeless?” he asked, feeling like it was.

“You said climbing that ladder was impossible and then you saw me do it,” she pointed out.

“Ah.” He nodded, lips pouting. “That is a good point. You are very wise, Two Three.”

“That’s not my name.”

“You can call me one.”

“One what?”

“The number one! Was that a joke?”

“No… I just didn’t understand…” She actually frowned and refused to look at him as he slapped his hands and laughed. He genuinely couldn’t tell with her and he couldn’t decide which was funnier, that she’d made the joke on purpose or that she’d followed the set up accidentally.

“You can call me Jin,” he suggested.

“I’m not calling you anything except Your Majesty.”

“It’s supposed to be Your Highness– ah, but you already know that.”

“I might already know that,” she admitted. Her gaze flickered briefly to him and then back out to sea. “If anyone asks, you didn’t see me today, wherever you were.”

“Ah. Really?”

She gave a slight nod. He wasn’t sure that was the truth but assumed she meant it as a kindness, trying to assure him that he didn’t need to worry his days like this would be interrupted.

“I won’t give you away if you change your mind,” he promised her. “I won’t even tell anyone you made a joke.”

“You ought to be more careful about wandering around the city. If something happened to you, how would anyone even know?” she pointed out.

“Well I suppose whoever did it would brag about it a little.” He grinned to soothe over the dark humor and added, “See, I think about these things too.”

“But it’s worth the risk to you?”

“Better to risk it for a little life than never really live at all.”

“Is… that from a book?” she asked slowly.

Which thrilled him as he quickly explained, “Yes, it’s from the wise, intelligent, compassione mouth of–”

“So that’s a no.”

“Seokjin Kim.”

“Hm.”

He laughed. Actually Dulce made a very funny straightman to his comedy. They could be a funny act together, if they were so inclined. If they were different people. If they each had a different life.

He did not quite want the walk to end, but it had to. He could see the staircase up ahead he would take to make his way through his secret entrance back into the palace, and obviously she couldn’t return with him. Even he wasn’t stupid enough not to predict that scandal –and that she was the one who’d be hurt worse by it.

But the day had been better with her along for it, he was certain of that, and equally as uncertain how to tell her that in a way that wouldn’t make her uncomfortable. It wasn’t that he didn’t know there was a power dynamic here, no matter how much he had hoped to ignore it for the day, no matter how much he attempted to ignore it with the other staff he cared about and considered his friends. That was always the problem, that he didn’t have an equal, not really. Someone who understood him, nope. Someone he could be himself around, not yet entirely, and yet today felt close to that. He was still figuring her and Nasimiyu out but the fact he understood Dulce a little better now seemed like a step in the right direction of the merging of their households.

“It’s been a pleasure, but here we must part. Will you be able to make it back safely from here?”

“Yes, I know the way. You have a secret way?”

“Of course,” he said with a bob of his head. “But I’m afraid I must keep some secrets.” He hoped he sounded cool and mysterious but suspected he did not. He also suspected there was not much point in pretending to be anything he wasn’t to Dulce. She had this look in her eyes like she could see right through you and also that she didn’t really care. That was exactly it! This look like that’s how you are? All right then, if that’s what you want to be. She hadn’t even harassed him about the erotica section, not really. She could have. At least he didn’t think she knew about the cards he’d purchased, hidden now between the pages of one of his books.

His books! He completely forgot he had the new Kalamouche to read! The whole reason he’d gone into the city was to get it for himself and it had completely slipped his mind until right now. It reminded him that he had the book he’d bought her too, and he dug it out of the bag and handed it over, adding,

“I’ll have the money I owe you sent over.”

“Don’t forget.”

“I won’t!” he laughed. “Don’t forget. I spent all my money on you today–”

“All the money you had with you. I spent all the money I have in the world.”

“I promise I will not forget. Tell Nasimiyu to pay you better, it wasn’t very much.”

“Maybe I have a secret lavish lifestyle you don’t know about.”

“As you showed me today, anything is possible,” he conceded. Then waved at her like they were old friends. It left him feeling like a child but that wasn’t anything new. 

It did feel odd though to turn his back on her and head off and just leave her standing there alone. Not that he didn’t think she was capable; in fact today had taught him that Jimin’s suspicions might be right, she was exceedingly capable as a maid. Overqualified. Like me, Jimin had said with a cheeky grin. 

He wasn’t going to tell his friends about seeing her today though, he decided as he pulled his cap lower and took the long way round to the stables to change clothes in Taehyung’s room. At least not the whole thing of it, maybe just that he’d run into her– no, they didn’t need to know that either. 

He ought to be exhausted and avoided anyone he could as he made his way back to his rooms with pies and books in tow, but actually he wasn’t. He felt refreshed as he closed his bedroom door, and grabbed his book, and went to let his furry friends out to roam while he read. The seabreeze had really rejuvenated him.

***

It was late by the time Dulce returned. She took her book and the hedgehog statue to her room where another maid told her Nasimiyu wanted to see her as soon as she got back and then turned her nose up, probably because Dulce appeared to have just had the first holiday among the staff.

So Dulce went by Nasimiyu’s room, where the princess sat reading an adventure story on the sofa. It was something she and Seokjin could talk about, reading, though Dulce didn’t know that they enjoyed the same stories. Nasimiyu might not be able to get past the pictures in the adventure stories Seokjin read.

“Well? Did you find him?” Nasimiyu asked. “Where did he go?”

To a bookstore and a porn closet, Dulce thought. To eat street food and cry a pepper out of his eye and lose at a silly ladder game. To eat almost an entire pie and spend all my money and then to a wedding and then for a walk along the sea. And then through the stables, into the staff house through a window and out the other, the most obvious and poorly hidden secret path from the palace.

“I didn’t find him,” Dulce admitted. “But it turns out he was in the palace the whole time. A new book he wanted was released and he hid in his room to read it. He spreads rumors that he’s gone so no one will disturb him.”

“Oh.” Nasimiyu’s face scrunched up. She had clearly not considered this. “What kind of book?”

“I don’t know, Simi, I can’t really read…”

“You brat,” Nasimiyu laughed. “I know you can read, I said that one time as a joke…”

“You know I don’t have a sense of humor.”

“You’re the fucking funniest person I’ve ever met, now where were you all day? If you couldn’t find him, why didn’t you come back? It was so fucking boring around here today… well, I did have a good time this afternoon bowling with Mindeulle and Lidmila.”

“I kept looking. You told me to find him. And I’m tired now so I’m going to bed, goodnight.”

“What?” Nasimiyu laughed. “Just like that?”

Dulce waved over her shoulder. Nasimiyu found it amusing, thank goodness. She let Dulce go without anything further. She was in a good mood then. She must actually have had quite a lot of fun with her new lady friends.

Good. Because Dulce was tired and didn’t feel like doing anything right now except picking the flower petals out of her hair from the wedding and going to sleep. She couldn’t have started reading that book Seokjin bought her if she wanted to. Well, only the first chapter.

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[aho-dapa]

Eris for the character ask game

favorite thing about them

SECRETS SECRETS SECRETS. I love it when a character has secrets and I KNOW Eris has them. He’s playing the game because he has to. BUT WHY, I ask you and I ask sjm, the deity of this fictional purgatory I have made my home, WHY??

We may never know or it’s actually some real shitty reason

least favorite thing about them

can be a dick (but i squint my eyes at sjm at all times) like is he being a dick because he’s a dick or is it because there’s an agenda here?? But other than sjm nonsense, probably… nothing actually. I literally have nothing about him I dislike??

favorite line

I literally read more of acosf just to find his lines. AND IT’S SOOO DRY SOMEONE HELP

He winks in ACOSF

I haven’t gotten to the Neris dance thing yet so

brOTP

I do think he’d get along with most people once Beron dies. He’ll still be a private person, but I think he’d actually have a genuine smile once in a while in front of others that actually surprise people. Probably Tamlin, definitely Lucien (the true brOTP), and Tarquin

I can also see Cassian surprisingly, if the NC hadn’t decided Eris was their sworn enemy turned reluctant ally

OTP

Crying. Sobbing.

I can’t decide.

Probably Neris but like, platonic we got married for politics and maybe the moral of the story was the best friends we made along the way or something type thing

Sobs, they would qpr so well

Tarquin and Eris sounds good tho

Edit: I just realized my true eris OTP: eris x angst

nOTP

None, really

Surprisingly, azris doesn’t click for me, don’t know why tho

random headcanon

Would be the best dilf hands down, an actually good father, hums lullabies, cuddles his child even into adulthood, HE'S A FAMILY MAN OKAY

unpopular opinion

Tbh, I don’t like that he didn’t help Mor, but I also don’t understand why her family would leave her at Autumn’s border when, by her losing her ‘value’ as a bride, the insult was to Eris’s family. Unless this was a way of saying, hey we disown her and we’re giving her to you to do as you wish? Which, yeah.

But I honestly think that Eris protecting his mother is enough of a character motivation for me

My actual unpopular opinion is that the Mor and Eris debacle is not written well enough for me to actually see it as anything more than sjm nonsense writing

Eris shows a surprisingly amount of self awareness but then sjm will have him call Mor a slut and I’m like?? Why?? He’s either a master of the political game in Prythian or he’s a boy that’s only a product of his father with no self awareness, this is a result of sjm trying to have another Rhys character but remembering later on she also set him up as a villain in Mor’s story (sure, he could be both, does does sjm do that? again, no she doesn’t)

TBH THE CHILDISH ANTICS FROM ALL OF THESE CENTURIES OLD FAE IRRITATES ME TO NO END WHICH I'M AFRAID IS LIKELY JUST A BYPRODUCT OF SJM BACKING HERSELF INTO HER OWN RIGHTEOUS SAVIOR RHYS LONG CON CORNER

Sorry rant over

song i associate with them

PASSERINE BY THE OH HELLOS

Lyrics from the song:

See, my birds of a kind, they more and more are looking like

Centurions than any little messiah

THE WHOLE SONG SCREAMS ERIS GROWING UP AND WATCHING HIS INNOCENT LITTLE BROTHERS ALL SLOWLY DRIFT APART AND BECOME CORRUPT / ITS LITERALLY ERIS MOURNING OVER HIS BROTHERS BUT ALSO RECOGNIZING THEY ARE SCUM OF THE EARTH DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME

favorite picture of them

Here’s a link to fanart from a different series on instagram/tumblr, but I didn’t just wanna use it without permission

This one for the hair, and this one for the face??

If I were to explain, he has hair as curly as his mother’s and just as long. As I've said before, I’m completely biased to long hair. I have very little understanding of what his face looks like tho. Tbh if I could put a face to him it would be this, slightly older than his pretty boy brothers but still pretty (but depressed and looks like he’s one more atrocity from literally immolating himself)

(I just realized both fanarts are of the same guy from the same fandom sooooo)

#why was this so difficult #eris vanserra #acotar era

[holden-norgorov]

I was wrong: an apology for Show!Kaz.

Listen, at first I didn't even want to write this post down, but as I noticed that a considerable amount of people have been showing disappointment toward Kaz not being "smart enough" in comparison to the book, I feel the need to point some things out with the hope of making you re-evaluate your line of thinking.

The thing is, Kaz Brekker in the show is a character that very much grows to book-readers with a needed careful and attentive rewatch.

I binged the whole season in a consecutive-7h-long binge-watching session during April 23rd, and came out of it feeling mildly disappointed with the way Kaz had been written (but not portrayed; Freddy was truly amazing). The one aspect that really bugged me at first was that his typical modus operandi when it came to plotting and scheming (by which I mean, keeping the big picture of his plans to himself and revealing just tiny pieces to everyone else according to each one's strengths and weaknesses, so as to make sure to reach the maximum potential of success while risking failure as little as possible) seemed to be kinda absent. I could easily make peace with Kaz not being as ruthless as he is in SoC, because the writers couldn't possibly make only-viewers willing to root for someone like Kaz without presenting at least some way in which he was vulnerable compared to other villainous characters. And to be honest, the fact that Kaz was ambushed by Pekka and forced to his knees not only nicely ties up with him wishing for Pekka to kneel in front of him at the beginning of SoC, but it also provides a reason as to why he would become closed-off and hesitant to apologize to Inej in the future. He was so concerned and willing to openly apologize to Inej in this scene that he lowered his guard enough without thinking and ended up giving Pekka access to Inej's name and revealing to him his own soft spot for her, before being beaten up.

That said, this was not my issue with the character. My issue was with the absence of his modus operandi as a masterful planner. I just didn't feel it during the binge-watch. But then I carefully rewatched the show, paying close attention to the actual succession of events more than to how accurate the characterization of the Crows was compared to the books. And I completely changed my mind.

If you pay attention, you can see that Kaz has been manipulating Arken from the very beginning, and everything Arken has accomplished was made possible because Kaz wanted it to happen, so that Arken would believe to be one step ahead of him and not see his betrayal coming. He quickly realizes that he and Arken think alike, and that he has to find a way to outsmart him.

As soon as the Conductor appears in the show, Kaz points out that he reached out to him not only because he can make them cross the Fold, but also because he smuggles Grisha who are unwilling to fight out of the Little Palace. He immediately grasps that the Conductor actively profits from the existence of the Fold and therefore that his own transport has to be constantly operative and effective. Which makes him realize that there has to be a political interest in his smuggling business for it to be allowed to flourish and survive undisturbed, and that someone has to financially back him up and subsidize the mantainance of the train and the feasibility of the crossing.

Soon after the Crows discovered that Nina had been captured and could no longer guide them to the Little Palace, Arken tries to sabotage their mission by convincing them to abandon it. This is where Kaz understands that he is actively interested in their kidnapping of the Sun Summoner to not happen, and begins suspecting he might have a separate agenda.

He purposefully risks the whole mission on Jesper not gambling everything away while looking for alabaster coal by deciding to grab the goat by himself, which is a less time-consuming task. This grants him the opportunity to attend to a quick rally for West Ravka's independence led by General Zlatan, where he sees Arken retiring with him in a private tent. His suspects about Arken are validated, and he understands that Arken has been smuggling Grisha out of East Ravka to the West with the support of Zlatan, who is also making some kind of alliance with Fjerdians and keeping a blind-eye to druskelle hunting and capturing Grisha (as we find out later on).

While they are crossing the Fold, Kaz is visibly skeptical of Arken's story about the transport being conveniently effective because of his knowledge of engineering and physics, and a chunk of luck. Arken seems to know too well how to safely cross the Fold, and the trasport seems to have worked far too many times for it to be the product of the underground, illegal practice of just one man.

In East Ravka, Kaz comes up with the Royal Archive Heist with the hope of stealing the Little Palace blueprints from the Palace of Kribirsk. But there's a very short scene here, which apparently seems unimportant but is actually pivotal: Kaz gives Arken money to make friends with East Ravkans so as to grant them a safe passage to Os Alta. Keep in mind: at this point Kaz is sure that Arken has been given by Zlatan a personal agenda to carry out regarding the Sun Summoner (I genuinely believe he also grasps that the secret plan is to kill her, so as to prevent the Fold from being destroyed and their smuggling business from being no longer profitable), so he knows Arken has total interest in making sure that they actually have a ride to the Little Palace. Which means, by urging him to "make some friends", Kaz already knows Arken will come up with a plan to be able to arrive to Os Alta and carry out his own mission at any costs, if the blueprints of the Little Palace that they are planning to steal end up being useless. And not only that: he wants Arken to believe he is being one-step ahead of them by "saving their asses" with this back-up plan, so as to easily come to the conclusion that the Crows have no reason to distrust him (how could they, when he finds them a second way-in?) and completely disregard the idea that Kaz might stab him in the back before he does the same thing to them. This is some mastermind thinking and completely IC for Kaz, because all the inner workings of his schemes go completely unnoticed on the outside.

Now that Arken proudly looks like the one who managed to grant them passage to Os Alta, he has no reason to believe Kaz might have ulterior motives when he decides to be the one carrying out a preliminary exploration of the Little Palance's hallways, despite his wounded leg making it difficult for him. But here's when Kaz sees Marie and immediately understands that she's supposed to be a decoy for Alina. So he coldly plans the whole kidnapping operation so as to make sure Arken ends up trying to kill (or directly killing) Marie. Which is why he shows no surprise when Arken reveals he can actually open the Fabrikator-made door with a device he carries with himself (probably provided by Zlatan to be able to get access to Alina's private rooms, or maybe already in his possession from when he had smuggled other Grisha out previously), and shows no hesitation when saying outwardly to everyone that Arken will be the one actually carrying out the kindnapping just because "he knows his way around Grisha locks". I actually believe Inej senses that there's something going on that she doesn't fully know when Kaz so light-heartedly allows Arken to lay his hands on their 1 Mln Kruge prize, but her suspicions (likely born out because she knows Kaz too well) are quickly put to rest and given an explaination only after Arken effectively falls into his trap.

After Alina escapes from the Crows in the following episode, we are led to believe that Kaz abandons the idea of kidnapping her again because of Inej, and this turns out to be actually true (despite Inej herself being incredibly suspicious of this, because of how unseemly it would be). Inej also believes Kaz to be so calculating that she points out that he might have planned to let Alina go in the first place and to detonate Arken's transport so as to travel with the same sandskiff Alina is embarking on and kindap her there. Inej would not have such a suspicion if Kaz's reputation didn't live up to that modus operandi.

While we actually learn that Kaz was being genuine with Inej about having abandoned the idea of kidnapping Alina, we also quickly learn that Kaz has spent the last two episodes silently coming up with a whole new other plan to make sure they can go back to Ketterdam without being killed by Dreesen and Pekka Rollins.

Now, as you can see, this is actually a lot. And this whole progression of events is handled so smoothly by the writing that it's fully admirable only by rewatching the show and paying close attention to Kaz's actions, while also knowing how his mind works. All of this is internal workings, which is typical Kaz.

So, I was wrong. His modus operandi is very much present. It's just barely detectable, as it should be for it to be believable. I hope this might reassure some deluded fans who came out of their watching session feeling let down by Kaz not looking "smart enough". It's all there! And the fact that so many of us couldn't see it at first hand, if you think about it, is just further proof that Kaz's intelligence and ability to scheme were handled extremely well. They couldn't make his mental workings too obvious to the casual viewers, or the character would have lost what actually makes him brilliant, which is the ability to outsmart others without being detected, exposed or anticipated.

#kaz brekker #freddy carter #show!kaz #six of crows #crooked kingdom #soc #ck #sab spoilers #shadow and bone spoilers #a defense of how kaz was written #i hope this helps someone ?? #arken #the conductor #inej ghafa #the crows

[along-came-atsushi]

The way Dazai protects Atsushi

When we imagine someone who is protective, mostly it is a person who bursts into a fit of rage or someone who heroically and willingly throws away their own life if it means to protect others. A good example for this would be Kunikida’s actions on several occasions. Dazai is less a person to obviously show rage or to heroically throw himself in front of someone.

Which doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care at all, it’s quite the contrary. And it’s sometimes very subtle and tricky, because he always has plans within plans and tries to achieve several goals with a single plan.

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I will only focus here on Dazai’s actions that solely have to do with Atsushi. I’m not going to bring up every single hidden agenda or goal Dazai is also trying to achieve.

In addition, this post has been tagged as #Dazatsu just to be safe. But of course it can be read from a platonic POV.

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Beware: Spoilers starting from chapter 83 and for 55 Minutes!

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How Dazai gets Atsushi into the ADA

Dazai practically tricked and then it may seem like he pressured Atsushi into joining the ADA, even after Atsushi already said that he doesn’t want to join:

The reason for Atsushi’s refusal was not that he didn’t want to join, because he just simply didn’t want to join. But because he lacks the self-confidence in taking a task like this. He doesn’t believe in himself and his abilities and thinks he isn’t fit for the job. This lack of self-confidence together with the fact that Atsushi constantly gets pushed by either people around him or his circumstances to keep relying on himself rather than others runs like a red string through his story.

Dazai on the other hand sees a great potential in Atsushi. In the moment where Atsushi saved him from drowning, he already planned to team him up with Akutagawa. Not only because of their abilities and their compatibility in battle. But because Atsushi would be the person to “teach Akutagawa how to put that sword away”. In other words: to value life. Which is something that Dazai wasn’t able to teach Akutagawa (I covered this in another meta and won’t explain it here any further).

Another reason is that the things Dazai states above are simply the truth: If Atsushi doesn’t join, then there is nothing the ADA can do to help him (or it would be much harder and complicated for them). He needs to do everything a normal adult in society has to do, which is harder for Atsushi than other people, since he has been abruptly kicked out of his orphanage without any further help or assistance. Not to mention that he is perceived as a monster and not in control of his own ability, and therefore a wanted criminal and dangerous ability user. This could lead Atsushi in either getting killed or falling into the hands of other shady organizations who have far worse intentions for him. Saying the above is less Dazai trying to manipulate Atsushi and more him just telling what would happen and to be realistic.

Having Atsushi join the ADA for Dazai does not only help Atsushi to live a safer life and make it easier for Dazai to keep an eye out for him, but also to give Atsushi the chance to safe other people in the progress.

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The Entrance Exam

Since Atsushi refused there was no way for Dazai to have him join the ADA the easy way and then only later testing if he really was worthy of being a true member. Just like it has been the case with Dazai’s entrance exam (Dazai freely joined the ADA after being recommended and was perceived as a new member immediately. Only during his first case with Kunikida was he secretly being tested of being worthy, which he succeeded). Therefore, a plan under a pretext was needed in order to test Atsushi and convince him to join.

During the ADA’s meeting for planning Atsushi’s entrance exam (which is told in the first part of the ‘Untold Story of the ADA’ novel) Dazai anticipated that Atsushi would either convince the bomber (played by Tanizaki) or somehow defuse the bomb himself. Neither of his predictions happened, instead Atsushi was willing to sacrifice himself so that he could protect others. This selfless action honestly surprised Dazai, which not many people are able to achieve, because he always predicts their actions:

Since it’s been hinted by Dazai that he already lost other people close to him in his life, even before Ango’s betrayal and Odasaku’s death, Atsushi’s action probably could’ve served as a trigger for him. He had to realize that there is a possibility that Atsushi would sacrifice himself to protect others. Especially since he doesn’t deem his own life as worthy and has been told many times to be useless and to “just die in a ditch somewhere.”

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“Stalking” Higuchi

Dazai immediately recognized Higuchi to be a PM member and that she’s contacting the ADA under disguise for ulterior motives. The scene with Higuchi is a good example that Dazai does many things which either annoys other people (flirting with her) or are seen as him just being lazy and/or fooling around (listening to music and singing), while in reality he is already following a hidden plan.

Flirting with Higuchi distracts her and everyone else from Dazai slipping a wiretap in her jacket. It helps him to let everyone just act naturally without the possibility of revealing anything by accident. Furthermore, it makes people underestimate Dazai, because for everyone else he was just fooling around.

Due to the reason that the PM contacted the ADA under disguise as soon as Atsushi was their new member could have been already suspicious for Dazai, suspecting that it has something to do with Atsushi and was not just a regular attack on the ADA. Later on, this gets confirmed when it’s been stated that The Guild set a bounty on Atsushi for some reason.

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Is Dazai following Atsushi around?

When Atsushi accompanies Ranpo on his murder case Dazai surprisingly shows up:

This meeting could be just a coincidence, of course. After all it’s just Dazai fooling around again (or in this case, trying to commit suicide again). But since the case with Higuchi has shown that Dazai loves to pretend to do something else, when he in reality is following a hidden agenda, it might be that he showed up there on purpose. Maybe just to see how Atsushi was faring and to eventually intervene if something serious would happen (like he did when Atsushi and Akutagawa were fighting for the first time). Especially with the PM on Atsushi’s tail now.

In chapter 84 it has been revealed that Dazai indeed does have an eye on Atsushi. When he can’t do that himself anymore, he makes sure to ask Akutagawa to keep an eye on him instead:

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Going far for Atsushi’s sake

After getting to know about the bounty, Dazai lets himself get captured by the PM on purpose, without informing any other ADA members, and stays inside the prison until seemingly a right time draws near. He is willing to do this, even though he knows full well that he is perceived as a traitor and that certain people will not welcome him with open arms.

When Chuuya mentions that he suspects that Dazai must be here for a certain reason, Dazai then states that he does all of this mostly for Atsushi. He even goes so far as to provoke a second punch in the face from Akutagawa, by belittling him in saying that Atsushi is a better subordinate than him, after Akutagawa threatens to kill Atsushi.

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Probably the most visible scene where Dazai openly shows anger and shock towards someone hurting Atsushi (or hurting someone he cares about in general) is during the incident with Q:

He doesn’t act like this again the second time when Atsushi brings him the doll to nullify Q’s ability, even though the whole city is in chaos. He’s also less concerned about Naomi and Haruno in that moment and more focused on Atsushi during this. Which doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care at all for others, knowing that Naomi and Haruno are able to handle their situation (which is confirmed by them later). But it also shows that Atsushi is his main priority.

Throughout the story Atsushi slowly notices this himself. At first he is hesitant to believe that he is Dazai’s “most trusted subordinate” and worries that Dazai might be mad with him should he go overboard with something (e.g. during 55 Minutes when he was able to surprise Dazai who was hiding in the trash can).

He only ever claims to have Dazai’s trust, if it means to provoke Akutagawa (which he does for a different reason, but I’m not going to expand on this here). Later, he even wonders how Dazai would react/look if Akutagawa came back with the news of him having died: 

Which means that Atsushi’s former mentality of people not caring should he die gets replaced by having someone actually be mad/sad about this.

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Hiding his “dark side”

It may not be that visible in the anime, since some scenes are either left out or interpreted for the sake of jokes. But the manga makes it clear that Dazai struggles with guilt because of his own past (e.g. when Atsushi asks the other ADA members what they’ve done before joining the ADA, aside from everyone else Dazai looks away. This suggests that this question and the closely related memories of it are uncomfortable for him. Another example is his reaction when he asks Kyouka how many people she has killed).

Dazai is well aware that he can’t hide his past from Atsushi forever and that he sooner or later will find out. This is then almost immediately revealed to him by Akutagawa.

However Dazai still tries to hide his “dark side” from Atsushi. Apparently, he doesn’t want him to see that he’s capable of being cruel or that Atsushi may become too aware of anything that could reveal more of Dazai’s past and the things he has done. During certain situations Dazai purposefully doesn’t let Atsushi go or stay with him:

1.) When he pushed Atsushi out of the room to “interrogate” Kouyou:

2.) When he pretended to need to use the bathroom, because he knew they were being followed:

3.) When he meets Ango:

(Even Kouyou comments on how Dazai lets Atsushi out of certain business.)

The reasons for this may be that he’s afraid to reveal this “dark side” of him to Atsushi and that he doesn’t want to drag him into the business of the underworld. It could also be that he’s afraid that Atsushi might see him in a different light and that he’ll turn deprecating towards him. As of now Atsushi doesn’t know the full extent of Dazai’s past and actions. But due the fact that he’s aware that Dazai was a former PM member (an executive even), he must also be aware that some answers will be frightening. Furthermore, he must also already have some ideas about Dazai’s past.

Throughout the story Atsushi has been shown to be sympathetic with different characters, trying to understand their actions or the reason that drives them. Even when these characters fought against or tried to kill him in the past (Kyouka, Lucy, Akutagawa, Fitzgerald, Sigma). Therefore, I doubt that Atsushi will see Dazai in a different/negative light, should his past be fully revealed. But this is something Dazai may not anticipate, since he doesn’t see himself as a good person and as someone worthy of redemption.

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Dazai believes in Atsushi

Dazai has an overwhelming believe in Atsushi and his abilities. He reassures and compliments him from the very beginning:

“Nice, Atsushi. You’re like a real detective already! It’s such a joy to see you grow up so fast!” [After being send back in time] “Ha-ha-ha! I never thought you’d be able to scare me like that! You’ve grown Atsushi!” – 55 Minutes

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“Oooh!” Dazai squealed in excitement. “Look at you, Atsushi! Impressive!” – 55 Minutes

Contrary to Atsushi, who struggles to acknowledge his own self-worth and has little to no faith in his own abilities.

This is the reason why Dazai sometimes pushes Atsushi (not only literally but also figuratively) to do things on his own, whenever he realizes that Atsushi is hesitating. He’s throwing him in at the deep, in order for Atsushi to learn more self-confidence:

He sends him on several missions alone (e.g. sneaking into the Moby Dick) or with other people (e.g. Akutagawa), because he knows that Atsushi is able to do this, even without him:

“[…] It’s up to you to prove the detective agency’s innocence and set us free. You can do it, right?” Atsushi knew – Dazai only asked people if they could do it when he was certain they could. – 55 Minutes

Atsushi’s actions get firmly planned into Dazai’s predictions, knowing that he will choose the right decision:

This great believe in Atsushi gets also noticed by other people (e.g. Mark Twain and Akutagawa):

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In return

Dazai’s positive influence on Atsushi also has a positive effect on his psyche: The headmaster’s voice and image inside his mind – the person who always drags him down, tells him to be useless and that he will “not make it” – slowly gets replaced by Dazai’s voice and image – the person who cheers him up and tells him to believe in himself:

It’s no doubt that Dazai was the person who helped Atsushi to live a better life and he is perceived as “the man who saved me” by Atsushi himself. For this reason and his self-confidence Atsushi admires Dazai and is grateful to him.

But on the other hand, Atsushi was also willing to save Dazai despite his dire situation. Not only does Atsushi put Dazai on a pedestal, it is also Dazai who puts Atsushi on a pedestal and who sees him as the person able to help, protect and maybe even change others.

#Dazatsu #Dazushi #Osamu Dazai #Atsushi Nakajima #osamu dazai bsd #atsushi nakajima bsd #Bungou Stray Dogs #BSD #Dazai x Atsushi #my metas #bsd meta

[gra-sonas]

Just as her character Maria DeLuca was being challenged on Roswell, New Mexico (blame the alien Jones, played by Nathan Dean), Heather Hemmens was as well (blame the weather), stepping behind the camera to direct the September 6 episode, “Goodnight, Elizabeth.”

“It was one of those moments where you’re challenged to do time management beyond the hours in a day, but it was a really, really great experience for me that taught me a lot of skills that now that I’ve done it, I can take forward and conquer with,” Hemmens tells TV Insider of the experience.

“[It] came about from hours and hours and hours of shadowing behind the scenes, directing short films, so this was years of preparation meeting opportunity for me,” she continues. “It really was a great time to grow within the show especially behind the camera. So I’m really excited to do that on my home court.”

Heading into the episode, Maria remains in a coma after her encounter with Jones (not Max, also played by Dean, as they’d all thought). But at least everyone knows who they’re really dealing with now… right? That doesn’t mean it’ll be easy to stop him.

Below, Hemmens talks directing — she’ll helm another episode later in Season 4 — before previewing the rest of the season and Maria’s slightly reckless behavior.

Where does this episode find Maria in her fight against Jones?

Heather Hemmens: We find them very well matched where she has unexpectedly met him in the mindscape, but she is holding onto her powers for dear life. Right now she’s just buying time until she can outsmart him. They’re very well-matched because Maria’s strong-minded and determined and she’s just as good as Jones as evil, so it’s going to be an epic battle between them.

What’s everyone else up to now that they know they haven’t been talking to Max, but to Jones?

Heather Hemmens:  Everyone is frantically searching around for the real Jones and trying to stop him from whatever he’s set out to do. It’s a really fun storyline where the Scooby-Doo gang is setting up traps and different schemes to try and get ahead of Jones’ agenda. At the same time, they’re trying to receive psychic messages from Maria, helping them figure out what his motives are and also to help them get her out of this coma. This all is going to culminate with showdowns and explosions and big reveals that people who have been watching the show for years will never see coming. And it’s just going to be jaw-dropping turns that will take us into the rest of the storyline for the season.

There is quite a bit going on in this episode – the Jones storyline, Alex [Tyler Blackburn] is trying to get answers, Rosa’s [Amber Midthunder] still figuring things out about herself. What were your favorite and the most challenging scenes to direct?

My favorite scenes were Rosa and Isobel [Lily Cowles] in the cave where they have a real sisterhood bonding moment. That was such a joy just to have a scene where it wasn’t about special effects or anything sinister. It was just about two women connecting and having this great dialogue. It was really just such a joy to work with both of those actors, who are my close friends, and we had a lot of fun with that.

One of the more challenging scenes is this showdown. There’s so much going on. There’s a bunch of characters in the scene. There are explosions, special effects, all kinds of things happening, and it felt like a major movie set. It was really, really fun to film and we got rain right in the middle of it. We ended up being more crunched for time than I was supposed to have, and I was just really happy that I had prepared for that day in a way that I was able to still finish one of the most important scenes of the episode without having to sacrifice.

The scenes that I was in as an actor had special effects in them. And I also had to make time to watch playback and spend an hour and a half in hair and makeup before I got into director mode. So those were also challenges that I was happy to explore, that new skill set for myself, and just try to enjoy it along the way.

Speaking of great scenes with two women this season, one of my favorite relationships right now is Maria and Isobel’s. Are we going to continue to see more of those two together?

Heather Hemmens:  Absolutely. These two strong women are realizing that they’re even stronger together. They have such a fun dynamic. They have witty banter and they have great ideas and they also still have that competitiveness that makes them really fun to watch. I’m happy for the storyline and for the characters that the catty nature of their relationship has been overcome and now we’re into seeing two empowered women support each other. I just think that’s a really beautiful dynamic, and we’re going to see a lot more of it throughout the season.

It seems like Gregory [Tanner Novlan] has adapted pretty well to everything going on in Roswell. What can you say about his and Maria’s relationship?

Heather Hemmens:  I think the reason that Maria loves hanging out with Gregory is that he’s so easygoing. He has taken everything in stride. He’s been a support system. He’s been a really warm presence and just a good friend throughout all of this and Maria really needed a rock. He’s very stable. So I think that is the initial attraction and it could be budding into something romantic. I think it’s at a good starting point in friendship to be able to grow into that. … He may be crushing a little bit harder than her at the moment. But I think when he’s showing his true colors that he really cares for her and he has her back when she’s not well, that could go over pretty good with Maria when she catches wind of it.

We saw how far Maria was willing to go to trigger another vision earlier in the season, and she’s in a coma right now because she couldn’t sit and not do anything. Will we continue to see her push herself to or beyond her limits?

Heather Hemmens:  Absolutely. Maria is now on her own journey with her alien powers and with this alien storyline, whereas in the past seasons, we’ve seen her really supporting the other characters’ experience of this. Now she is on a rampage to fulfill her own destiny and discover what that is for her powers, so she’s willing to go pretty far to figure it out. I think she feels that no matter what the danger brings, she can’t not know.

I love Maria and everything she’s doing this season, but at the same time, I’m like, where’s your sense of self-preservation?

Heather Hemmens:  Yeah, she’s gotten a little bit reckless because she’s in dire need of answers. I think sometimes the hardest thing in life is not knowing and that can outweigh the expense of any maybe physical harm that she can endure and survive. But the most important thing to her is just having those questions answered that constantly plague her mind.

Everything’s building up to this funeral with the Valenti crest on the coffin. What can you tease about that funeral and what we’re going to see going forward?

Heather Hemmens:  It’s one of those mysteries that everybody comes together as a group because not only do they all care about who could be in the coffin, but it could be them. They still have no clarity that any of them is safe, and so in order to protect themselves, they also have to protect each other. That’s just one of the more lovely storylines that bonds them all, this group effort to keep everybody safe.

How certain can we be of anything that we’ve seen in those visions?

Heather Hemmens:  I’d say that they present accurately, but hindsight is 20/20. So just because they’re presenting accurately doesn’t mean that the supporting evidence doesn’t change the dynamic.

What else can you preview about the rest of the season and how it’s going to set up next season?

Heather Hemmens:  This Jones character is very determined to wreak havoc, so he’s not going away, and they’re going to have to battle it out with him for the next chapter of this story. They find different ways to do that and each character comes in to fight that beast. That’s a really, really fun storyline that plays out. And we’re gonna dig a little bit more into Maria’s family history as well and how it connects to everyone else and how it gets specific with this day in time that Jones is trying to find a memory for. Maria has a very big role in whether or not he gets that that piece of information he’s searching for.

#heather hemmens #rnm cast interviews #rnm 3x07 #rnm spoilers #roswell new mexico s3 #roswell new mexico #maria deluca #gregory manes #isobel evans #rosa ortecho #max evans

[keets-writing-corner]

I need to guuuuuuuuuuuuuush

I’m absolutely obsessed with Owari No Seraph/Seraph of the End. It has everything I want in a story

okay this got long so I put a cut

A romance I’m actually invested in: 1) it’s gay, like not even ambiguously gay, like very explicitly gay and it’s remarkable 2) it’s somehow enemies to lovers, best friends to lovers, and childhood friends to lovers ALL AT THE SAME TIME 3) the mutual pining is ridiculous, but manifests in “I MUST PROTECT” 4) omg they’re so devoted to each other???? 5) heavily implied in the anime and manga that they are each other’s reason for living after their trauma

Ambiguous characters: 1) we’ve got not one, not two, BUT THREE HIGH RANKING CHARACTERS within their respective organizations with THEIR OWN AGENDAS, screw whoever gets in their way 2) one of the said lovers from above pairing? Technically, he’s officially on one side, but he makes it very clear he actually doesn’t care about anyone EXCEPT his love interest and actively goes behinds people’s backs all the time to get what he wants. He has exactly 0 trust except for his love interest, which means he’ll literally fight both sides to make sure love interest is safe 3) THE FREAKING QUEEN, at first she’s like in a terrible one sided relationship with one of the characters with like... uh what’s it called? Power imbalance? Like she is 100% in control of this other person because they are wholly dependent on her, and she knows it, and often calls this other person her pet, and like, you think you’re supposed to hate her because she’s one of the contributing factors to the other character’s trauma but then it’s like, wait, actually, maybe she ALSO has ulterior motives and is one of the few people said character can actually trust with their wellbeing and their own interests being the only one who actively helps them with it 4) HMMM THAT SUPER SHADY DEMON/HUMAN ROMANCE YOU KNOW THE ONE IM TALKING ABOUT

Characters that suffer: okay listen, all of the characters have suffered through trauma, but special shout-out to Mika who has gone through my favorite kind of trauma to watch that develops characters. Spoilers for the rest of this paragraph so if you want to check out the show skip over it. okay gone? for real? you okay with getting spoiled if you haven’t seen yet? alright. last chance. Okay so first thing we know about Mika is that he’s an orphan and has a found family with his orphanage group right? even when they’re all being held captive by vampires underground, he at least has his family. Mika goes above and beyond to make sure that despite that they’re essentially just acting as the vampires’ blood-stock that their time there isn’t as bad as it could be. He offers himself up to one of the nobles, saying the noble can suck his blood if he gives him things, so he gets stuff like actual real food for his family to eat. In the manga, you can see that this is really draining on him, but he does it to see his family happy. Mika also knows that his crush absolutely hates it there, so he plans an escape, except oops they all get ambushed by the very noble he stole from and was swindling, and literally everyone gets killed in front of him except his crush, well I guess at the time he was too young for crush, so I’ll just call him Yuu. Anyways. Mika and Yuu manage to knock out the vampire noble working together, but Mika is fatally wounded so only Yuu actually escapes. AND THEN MIKA IS FORCIBLY TURNED INTO A VAMPIRE BY THE QUEEN, like he hates vampires, he considers them monsters, he doesn’t want eternal life or whatever, AND SHE FREAKING TURNS HIM TO KEEP HIM FROM DYING (the way she does it too could be considered traumatizing as well) and then he proceeds to be raised by people he considers monsters and hates that he’s become a vampire, and like does everything in his power to not drink human blood (resorting to drinking the Queen’s blood, and she’s fine with it cuz it keeps him completely dependent on her) like MMMM THAT POWER IMBALANCE IN A WORLD FULL OF THE MONSTERS YOU HATE WHILE BECOMING ONE YOURSELF IS ALREADY DAMAGING ENOUGH, and then he finds out that the very adults he used to trust as a child, were actually just treating him and his found family as guinea pigs and lab rats and that the only people who actually cared about him was his found family, who are all gone except for Yuu who isn’t there, so yeah oops, he hates humans now too. Like mmmm that is some tasty juicy angst right there. It manifests in him never smiling anymore, never speaking, just sitting there stoically. Like this was the little boy who was happy smiles all the time, either when he was genuinely happy with his family or putting on an act to deceive and he’s just so broken after the timeskip that we never see him smile until late in season 2. OH LETS NOT FORGET THE WHOLE VAMPIRE THING RIGHT? Mika doesn’t want to drink blood, but his body compells him to. He refuses to at least drink human blood, which works for a while but by the time the second season rolls around, the queen’s blood just isn’t cutting it anymore and there are so many scenes where his instincts take over and he almost bites someone only to snap out of it last second and start sobbing because he believes he’s becoming a monster. AND THAT’S NOT EVEN ALL OF IT, JUST THE THINGS THAT I LIKED THE MOST TO WATCH

spoilers over

the side characters: While I do think they could use a little bit more development, but that’s probably because they’re not quite rubbing me just the right way like Mika is, so they pale by comparison BUT there are some things I enjoy 1) we’ve got a literal troll on the team. I’ve seen some people call her annoying, but omg I love seeing her troll the others. also she uses a scythe and it’s awesome 2) OMG THERE’S A SWEET BABI BOY ARCHER??? slight spoilers, but my favorite part was when he reveals that his demon decided to give him more powers because he treats his demon like a friend, and talks to it at night before going to bed, sometimes asking it what it’s favorite color is?? 3) okay okay okay, listen, I already like the character by himself, the sniper dude, he’s already great as he’s written. But then add the fact that not only does he look EXACTLY like Victor Nikiverov from Yuri on Ice, BUT HE HAS THE SAME FREAKING VOICE ACTOR TOO that just cracks me up 4) I love the one vampire side character who keeps trying to befriend Mika, and Mika just keeps stonewalling him 5) honestly the queen is really badass, and as much as I hated her at first, I actually enjoy every second she’s on screen 6) There’s a vampire called Crowley and idk what it is with him but he just gives me “Big Fun” vibes even though he’s one of the most ruthless characters in the show

plot and arcs: it doesn’t drag itself on and on and on, it actually completes goals and important benchmarks fairly quickly so we don’t need to keep waiting on things to happen. But at the same time, is so drawn out that you still can’t help but feel like it’s taking forever to get to where you want it to go and it’s great because it means you get so much story to enjoy. Also, the fact that the protagonists always have one clear goal at a time, but us as the viewers see other things happening behind the scenes, without always understanding what they are, and we’re stuck seeing this collision path where everything is gonna intersect and you know it’s going to be terrible and there characters are going to suffer but you love that. 

anyways, Seraph of the end is super good, I loved it, the anime isn’t enough so I’m actually chasing after the Manga for once. Mika is officially one of my all-time favorite characters and he deserves to be happy. If you know what I’m talking about cheer with me, if you haven’t seen it yet, omgggggggggggggggggggg GO CHECK IT OUT IF ANY OF THE THINGS I SAID APPEAL TO YOU

#seraph of the end #owari no seraph #Mika #Mikayuu #I'm gushiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing #I'm obsessed #send help #I watched another anime a while ago that a similar sort of gay romance going on #and i really wanted to like it because I loved the premise behind it #I really did #but it was so badly executed that I could only watch it ironically #THEN I FIND THIS #AND ITS SIMILAR PREMISE BUT DONE IN ALL THE WAYS I COULD EVER WANT #also omg the music is amazing #half the joy for me is the music #Do you guys have any idea how hard it is to get me to ship?? #anyways this has consumed my life for now

[romanogers-lyrics]

TFAWS EP 3: *screeching intensifies*

Bucky “Let me float you a hypothetical” Barnes.

Sam “Keep talking but I want it on the record that I objected to this plan” Wilson

Damn Zemo got a whole ass jet and garage of cars. How is it that his assets were still intact after he was arrested? Can you get Sam his loan please, daddy?

On a serious note, to all those saying the stakes in Civil War were fake bc tony and Steve made up I demand you look at all the ways team cap was affected by the accords.

The theme of “doing the right thing above all else” is clearly so important to both Sam and Bucky. Goddamn I love team cap 😪

Sharon is a wealthy art dealer and I love it!

People including me were so worried about her being just another love interest but she literally saves their asses twice!!! She has agency and motives entirely her own.

The entire Madripoor sequence was gorgeous. Nothing was half assed set and cinematography wise.

The baby bois all dressed up and ready to kill people 🔪

Sam caring and being worried about Bucky like 🥺

I am honestly so fucking proud of Bucky for being strong through Zemo’s orders. It had to be so hard. Can someone tell bucky “I’m proud of you”?

Goddamnit take your eyes off Zemo for one second...oh wait he didn’t betray them yet...

No! Sharon come back! *grabby hands*

Anyone notice how the CIA was the first to try and make the serum after Siberia. The CIA who literally locked up and hunted Bucky another super soldier then tried to lock up cap. Same agency. No wonder the world hates American imperialism jezusssss

Sam: “I made a mistake (with the shield)...” yes! Say it! “I should have destroyed it.” Goddamnit smdh.

I get the shield is a mixed legacy but you can’t also destroy the good and the potential for good. One of the examples is sitting right in front of you, Sammy. Also I REFUSE to believe that SAM “on your left” WILSON would destroy his one gift from cap. I suppose “I should have kept it in my house” doesn’t sound as dramatic🙃

Bucky says he’d take over the shield before letting it be destroyed. Hopefully as Sam warms to Bucky he’ll see how the shield can symbolize good.

Truly I believe symbols/mantles are just tools that you can use for good or evil. I believe that in Sam’s hand it could be used for good. It’s a lot to ask but I forget the saying but something like: “those who fear power are the best people to hold it”

It’s so hard to know who is the “bad guy” in this show. Probably the point I know. The freedom fighters have a seemingly good agenda but then they blow up a building. Smdh we don’t trade lives dontcha know...

Who is the power broker? What’s his plan? We haven’t met him/her yet...

Bucky likes 40s music and is PROUD of it. He wrote his redemption list in Steve’s notebook 😭

Fake!cap gets 0.0001% of the screen time 🤣😂(which I find so mf comforting 😘, maybe that’s why I like this episode so much). That being said gotta analyze the small time he did have... he literally thinks he’s TOO GOOD to speak in another language than English. Forces his friend to do the talking but still expects respect 😬. Fuuuuck u fake!cap 🖕🏻. I’m sorry my non American friends. We don’t know this white man 🙇🏻‍♀️

The ending THE ENDING had me YeLLiNg at the screen. Fakdkwbfjw I’m not gonna spoil it but I just-

On the writing/directing- I feel this episode had better pacing of rising action and drama. More showing less exposition dump which honestly is hard in marvel (some audience are walking encyclopedias and some just started watching this year).

The traumaaaaaaa in this whole show. I just wanna give everyone a 1 minute hug. Godddamn. Especially given the context of this show coming during the covid pandemic hits so hard 🙃

Fr though I know the topics in this show are triggering for some people so please take care of yourself ❤️

On another level I think it’s kinda funny how Steve thought he was so special for having the serum then it was like ACTUALLY Bucky is a super soldier OH AND there are more super soldiers in Siberia. OH and like 8 more super soldiers in TFAWS. Oh there’s ALSO a black super soldier. 😂 like Steve is still special because of his morals and personality but yeah... love you cap 😘

Please feel free share your thoughts! Would make my day! Love ya’ll💕

My episode 2 review:

#romanogers #mcu #captain america #marvel #avengers #black widow #natasha romanoff #steve rogers #capwidow #tfaws #tfaws spoilers #sambucky #sam wilson #sharon carter #bucky barnes

[roswellnmsource]

‘Roswell, New Mexico’: Heather Hemmens on Directing, Why Maria & Jones Are ‘Very Well Matched’

Just as her character Maria DeLuca was being challenged on Roswell, New Mexico (blame the alien Jones, played by Nathan Dean), Heather Hemmens was as well (blame the weather), stepping behind the camera to direct the September 6 episode, “Goodnight, Elizabeth.”

“It was one of those moments where you’re challenged to do time management beyond the hours in a day, but it was a really, really great experience for me that taught me a lot of skills that now that I’ve done it, I can take forward and conquer with,” Hemmens tells TV Insider of the experience.

“[It] came about from hours and hours and hours of shadowing behind the scenes, directing short films, so this was years of preparation meeting opportunity for me,” she continues. “It really was a great time to grow within the show especially behind the camera. So I’m really excited to do that on my home court.”

Heading into the episode, Maria remains in a coma after her encounter with Jones (not Max, also played by Dean, as they’d all thought). But at least everyone knows who they’re really dealing with now… right? That doesn’t mean it’ll be easy to stop him.

Below, Hemmens talks directing — she’ll helm another episode later in Season 4 — before previewing the rest of the season and Maria’s slightly reckless behavior.

Where does this episode find Maria in her fight against Jones?

Heather Hemmens: We find them very well matched where she has unexpectedly met him in the mindscape, but she is holding onto her powers for dear life. Right now she’s just buying time until she can outsmart him. They’re very well-matched because Maria’s strong-minded and determined and she’s just as good as Jones as evil, so it’s going to be an epic battle between them.

What’s everyone else up to now that they know they haven’t been talking to Max, but to Jones?

Everyone is frantically searching around for the real Jones and trying to stop him from whatever he’s set out to do. It’s a really fun storyline where the Scooby-Doo gang is setting up traps and different schemes to try and get ahead of Jones’ agenda. At the same time, they’re trying to receive psychic messages from Maria, helping them figure out what his motives are and also to help them get her out of this coma. This all is going to culminate with showdowns and explosions and big reveals that people who have been watching the show for years will never see coming. And it’s just going to be jaw-dropping turns that will take us into the rest of the storyline for the season.

There is quite a bit going on in this episode – the Jones storyline, Alex [Tyler Blackburn] is trying to get answers, Rosa’s [Amber Midthunder] still figuring things out about herself. What were your favorite and the most challenging scenes to direct?

My favorite scenes were Rosa and Isobel [Lily Cowles] in the cave where they have a real sisterhood bonding moment. That was such a joy just to have a scene where it wasn’t about special effects or anything sinister. It was just about two women connecting and having this great dialogue. It was really just such a joy to work with both of those actors, who are my close friends, and we had a lot of fun with that.

One of the more challenging scenes is this showdown. There’s so much going on. There’s a bunch of characters in the scene. There are explosions, special effects, all kinds of things happening, and it felt like a major movie set. It was really, really fun to film and we got rain right in the middle of it. We ended up being more crunched for time than I was supposed to have, and I was just really happy that I had prepared for that day in a way that I was able to still finish one of the most important scenes of the episode without having to sacrifice.The scenes that I was in as an actor had special effects in them. And I also had to make time to watch playback and spend an hour and a half in hair and makeup before I got into director mode. So those were also challenges that I was happy to explore, that new skill set for myself, and just try to enjoy it along the way.

Speaking of great scenes with two women this season, one of my favorite relationships right now is Maria and Isobel’s. Are we going to continue to see more of those two together?

Absolutely. These two strong women are realizing that they’re even stronger together. They have such a fun dynamic. They have witty banter and they have great ideas and they also still have that competitiveness that makes them really fun to watch. I’m happy for the storyline and for the characters that the catty nature of their relationship has been overcome and now we’re into seeing two empowered women support each other. I just think that’s a really beautiful dynamic, and we’re going to see a lot more of it throughout the season.

It seems like Gregory [Tanner Novlan] has adapted pretty well to everything going on in Roswell. What can you say about his and Maria’s relationship?

I think the reason that Maria loves hanging out with Gregory is that he’s so easygoing. He has taken everything in stride. He’s been a support system. He’s been a really warm presence and just a good friend throughout all of this and Maria really needed a rock. He’s very stable. So I think that is the initial attraction and it could be budding into something romantic. I think it’s at a good starting point in friendship to be able to grow into that. … He may be crushing a little bit harder than her at the moment. But I think when he’s showing his true colors that he really cares for her and he has her back when she’s not well, that could go over pretty good with Maria when she catches wind of it.

We saw how far Maria was willing to go to trigger another vision earlier in the season, and she’s in a coma right now because she couldn’t sit and not do anything. Will we continue to see her push herself to or beyond her limits?

Absolutely. Maria is now on her own journey with her alien powers and with this alien storyline, whereas in the past seasons, we’ve seen her really supporting the other characters’ experience of this. Now she is on a rampage to fulfill her own destiny and discover what that is for her powers, so she’s willing to go pretty far to figure it out. I think she feels that no matter what the danger brings, she can’t not know.

I love Maria and everything she’s doing this season, but at the same time, I’m like, where’s your sense of self-preservation?

Yeah, she’s gotten a little bit reckless because she’s in dire need of answers. I think sometimes the hardest thing in life is not knowing and that can outweigh the expense of any maybe physical harm that she can endure and survive. But the most important thing to her is just having those questions answered that constantly plague her mind.

Everything’s building up to this funeral with the Valenti crest on the coffin. What can you tease about that funeral and what we’re going to see going forward?

It’s one of those mysteries that everybody comes together as a group because not only do they all care about who could be in the coffin, but it could be them. They still have no clarity that any of them is safe, and so in order to protect themselves, they also have to protect each other. That’s just one of the more lovely storylines that bonds them all, this group effort to keep everybody safe.

How certain can we be of anything that we’ve seen in those visions?

I’d say that they present accurately, but hindsight is 20/20. So just because they’re presenting accurately doesn’t mean that the supporting evidence doesn’t change the dynamic.

What else can you preview about the rest of the season and how it’s going to set up next season?

This Jones character is very determined to wreak havoc, so he’s not going away, and they’re going to have to battle it out with him for the next chapter of this story. They find different ways to do that and each character comes in to fight that beast. That’s a really, really fun storyline that plays out. And we’re gonna dig a little bit more into Maria’s family history as well and how it connects to everyone else and how it gets specific with this day in time that Jones is trying to find a memory for. Maria has a very big role in whether or not he gets that that piece of information he’s searching for.

#heather hemmens #roswell new mexico #cast #press #rnm spoilers #3x07

[videogamelover99]

how would you have liked row to end?

Right. So spoilers for Rule of Wolves, obviously.

Let me preface this by saying that I absolutely adore the Darkling’s arc in the story. The first part of the novel has him be on the backseat for most of the time, with Zoya, Nikolai, and the rest of our lovable gang figuring out how to stop the country from exploding. When Leigh does introduce him to the rest of the story, he makes a deal with Nikolai and Zoya, seemingly for sentimental reasons, only to fuck off once he gets his powers back, proving he can never be trusted and that he always has another agenda going. Something we’re already very familiar with in TGT. 

Then we get is POV.

Leigh had two options when she decided to write from the Darkling’s point of view. His character had always thrived from the mystery of his true motives, whether what Alina sees as sympathetic human traits are even there at all, or whether it’s all manipulation. Bardugo could have either 1) tried to immitate the same mystery with his POV. We see his perspective, but it doesn’t actually give us that much information about what he his, what his real throughts are. Or 2) she could peel back the curtain. And she went with option 2.  

He doesn’t know what he’s doing. He kept the thorn hoping it would work, and it did, but we know that he’s hardly the infallible mastermind everyone else percieves him to be. Yuri (lets appreciate for a moment how fucking hillarious it is that the guy is still there) asks the Darkling why he wanted to see Alina. Because I needed my power back, was his first reply. Then: Because she makes me feel human. 

And that’s the point of the Darkling’s character. It was always this and. It was always Alina’s power, and her as a person that drew him. It was always saving the grisha and being remembered by them. With the “monk’s” POV, we get a Darkling that’s surprisingly honest and self-aware and grounded, someone who feels a lot, and hates it. He does what he can to further his goals, but he isn’t an emotionless lump of rock, he’s very, very much human. It shows from the ruthful anger he feels about seeing his Morozova’s church, to the discomfort in seeing a bunch of fantatics follow him so blindly. He gets annoyed at the shitty food and the ignorant people, and cynical about the state of the country. I think the reason why so many Darkling fans dislike his POV is because he was always a mystery before now, so people could project whatever version of the character they wished onto him. And when canon Darkling did not match that, people got annoyed. (Luckly, he fits with my interpretation of his character like a glove, so, I loved every second of it).

Throughout his weird un-redemption arc, we see him start to question what his legacy would mean and what he’s really fighting for. It culminates to him seeing the destruction Otkazat’sya weapons can bring and saving Nikolai. Then being like “bye bitch you’re on your own now I’ve fulfilled my heoric quota for the day”. Where the story falls flat is that space between him manipulating the court into accepting Zoya as their queen and Chapter 48, with the Thornwood. There is a huge logical leap from a man who is willing to let his enemy have the throne, knowing he could manipulate the situation if need-be, to a man who is willing to give all that up to save Ravka and spend an eternity in agony. Like, the entire exchange seems so out of character for him. Why not just find some other immortal to stuff into the tree? Why put his sainthood above his own life and wellbeing? There is an unwritten chapter in his POV between the scene with Zoya being called queen and Chapter 48 that could have connected those dots and made his decision make sense, but it’s just not there. Or maybe it was cut out. Where is the forbidden chapter, Leigh, I want it.

Anyway, I dislike the whole Thornwood ending in general. It’s clear that this is a sort of “well he has to pay for his crimes somehow so lets invent the most torturous way possible”, in vein of all those other redemption arcs that have been realized through suffering. Except, that’s so overdone. And so cheesy. And just. Not at all what his character needed, which is something grounding. 

In part I, Zoya remarks that the Darkling could never get his powers back and could spend the rest of his mortal life living like every other man. Which, uh, sets him off. Because that is what he’s afraid of. Being someone inconsequential. If Leigh wanted him to pay for his crimes, she didn’t have to go all dramatic torture tree, she could have made it so the only way to close the gap is for him to lose his powers. And boom! He would have had to make a decision between keeping something so essential to himself, and saving Ravka. And he would have chosen Ravka, because at the end of the day, he saw that eternity surrounded by nothing but dead grey sand is no eternity at all. He would have made the real meaningful sacrifice. He would have been the same as Alina - powerless.

This ending could have also set up the interesting dynamic that was between him, Nikolai, and Zoya in the rest of the novel. He pops up when he wants to, manipulates situations in his favor, then fucks off until he wants them to find him again. He could have been a chaotic agent that could have either desided to help them in some way, guide them, or further his own agenda, how brief it would have been in his mortal life. And that’s how I wished it would have ended!

That being said, the whole tree thing could have just been Bardugo setting up the new SOC book XD. And if he’s in it, and if he doesn’t just die immediately when they pull him out of that tree, we might see more of the Darkling’ arc after all. Hell, maybe the whole death thing is a metaphor, and I was right, and he’ll die of old age a few decades from then cause he’d lose his powers. Here’s hoping. 

#the grisha trilogy #rule of wolves #rule of wolves spoilers #the darkling #grishaverse #grishaverse meta #aleksander morozova

[silverhandsass]

Fun in the Desert

This is part of an art / fic trade with @neon-anarchy-studios!

~Minor in-game spoilers~

— — — — —

From the moment that V had stepped inside Kerry's home, they already knew that the man was not okay. There was nothing about the filth left behind and forgotten that hinted at any kind of stability. The more that they grew to know him, the more they realized that Kerry was simply alone in his own little world. None of the company that he kept seemed to help before V's arrival, and that was a problem.

It did not take V long to get to the conclusion that Kerry needed to get the fuck out of his house. They were adamant about taking him somewhere that was different than his usual dives; it had to be somewhere away from the city, away from the noise and meaningless company. It had to be somewhere that he could maybe start to feel a little more comfortable.

When Panam called V to invite them over for a fun night at the camp, they knew it was exactly what they'd been looking for. Kerry had been apprehensive about the whole thing, however—there would be too many people, it wasn't his usual crowd, they would hound him. All of them were little worries that V assured would not be an issue, at least not at the Aldecaldos' camp.

—

When they got to the camp, it seemed that the forewarning that V had sent their friends paid off. Don't freak out around him, was what they'd been told. It was their one request. Mitch and Panam were the first to greet the pair, welcoming them to the camp and handing them each some good, cold beer. There was no mention of Kerry's profession, nor anything he had ever accomplished or done that the pair knew about, which seemed to be a good start.

Soon after the meeting, a nearby sound caught Kerry's attention, dragging him away toward one of the campfires. In that moment, V's friends couldn't help but comment on how much better looking Kerry was in person than on all those screens. At least they waited until he was out of earshot, though V wasn't entirely sure Kerry would have minded hearing how good he looked.

Following their friend, V caught Kerry taking a seat beside Cassidy and Scooter, both of which had a guitar in hand. Cassidy had been in the middle of playing an acoustic rendition of Black Dog, to which Scooter sang perfectly. V was so entirely thankful that they did not immediately express their surprise and shock when finding that Kerry Eurodyne himself had been sitting beside them and listening to this the entire time.

Kerry made no big deal of their occasional fumbling, sliding into comfortable conversation with them so easily. V watched them as they began to talk to the two men about the song, about what inspired the band to write it in the first place. He spoke of the experiences that lead to the song being made, gave them tips on a few parts that Cassidy and Scooter mentioned getting wrong in their version—all around leading to be a pleasant conversation.

More people gathered round to listen to the older Rockerboy as he regaled them with tales of his Samurai days; about how they had to work their fingers to the bone to scrounge up enough cash and get started; how they'd had to recycle their clothes a lot and make sure they looked brand new and fresh, and totally not the same clothes sewn with new materials and bleached or washed out a few times over; a favorite among the older members of the crowd was how Johnny was a fan of the classics, particularly the actor that shared an eerie resemblance to him that tended to play in many movies that showcased his skill with guns. Only a few folks recognized the name.

And in that moment, he was no longer the famous Kerry Eurodyne of Night City. He wasn't even Kerry Eurodyne of Samurai. He was just... Kerry... enjoying himself in the company of some people that actually cared about what he had to say, that listened to him with no ulterior motive or agenda.

Watching him tell his stories and listen to theirs in return, V felt at ease knowing that bringing him here was the right thing to do. Kerry needed this sense of companionship, and starting with the massive family in the desert was apparently the best way to go about it.

After some time, V caught sight of River as he waved at them from a few tents down. He was carrying Monique around his shoulders while Randy and Dorian walked beside him. Joss fussed over the kids, but seemed to relax as soon as River muttered some assurances to her.

V borrowed Kerry from the little campfire fiesta, bringing him over to meet the best PI that Night City had to offer. Of course, River was one of the only people that V did not need to bother warning about keeping his responses low-key. Having been a cop, he had met a famous person or two during his investigations, knowing just how to be friendly and open enough without bothering the man.

That wasn't where V's mind went though, as the moment they introduced Kerry to the Wards, his attention seemed to go right to the kids. Had he always been so good with children? V was lost in the moment, watching as River introduced each child to him, with Randy being forthright about knowing Kerry from the scream sheets and the radio, but not fussing about it too much.

Kerry then entertained Monique and Dorian as they awed and gasped at the fact that a real superstar stood in front of them. They even asked if he could play with them, to which River tried to object—none of the adults expecting Kerry to actually say yes.

But of course he would, and of course he would be a natural. It was hard to remember that Kerry himself had his own children, even if he never got to see them or spend any time with them. The way he let himself be that man again with these kids and how he genuinely seemed to enjoy himself while entertaining him had left an important impression on both Joss and River—even V themself. It was enough to make River take Kerry aside with an arm around his shoulders, offering him a drink or two amidst their conversation.

Another interaction had gone swimmingly.

A couple of hours more of mingling with the people in the camp had Kerry speak to Cassidy and Scooter some more about music, to Mitch and Carol about engines and motors, and finally getting to meet Judy. V had been hanging out with her by one of the fires when Kerry walked up to them, making a comment on how well the night was going and plopping down beside them. He had made note of the fact that he had overheard them talking about different states across the country, and brought the conversation back to the topic.

After explaining that she had been wanting to travel around, maybe leave Night City, that prompted Kerry to tell her of some of his favorite places that he had ever been to. V and Judy both asked him questions and listened as he shared some of his experiences. Hearing where Judy wanted to go, Kerry tried to guide her to some of his favorite spots for the places he had visited before, and had made her promise to tell him about some of hers in all the new places she could get to.

V had actually lost count of the number of stories and tales they had heard Kerry tell people throughout the whole day. It wasn't a surprise, the man had lived many, many years and was still raring to go for many more. Still, there was a fire lit in his eyes that was refreshing to see, a promise of companionship being made with each person he had met.

They hadn't had the chance to see Kerry in such a carefree, open setting, with so many people that were willing to enjoy his company rather than have him around for their own needs or reputation. He seemed to be enjoying himself too, and V had heard him promise a few people that he might hold his own gathering at his place should they ever decide to get to the city—and it wasn't an empty promise, either. They knew their friend meant it, if his last mess of a gathering was anything to go on.

Toward the end of the night, V was just settling themself in on a large rock, a beer in hand and music drifting in the air, when they felt Kerry sit beside them once more. This time, it was just the two of them, a little further away from the crowded areas, but not too far away that the general din and lively atmosphere of the camp could not be heard.

The air around them was crisp, cool and smelled of barbecued meats and burning wood. It was a glorious change from the polluted air of the city nearby, as was the company. With a simple nudge to his shoulder, V took a swig of his drink while side-eyeing their friend.

Kerry turned to them and gave them a big smile, resting an arm over their shoulder. "Y'know I never realized how much I needed this."

"That's why you got me around, Ker," V grinned.

"You think it went okay?" Kerry asked, seeming genuine in his curiosity.

"Okay? Kerry, it went great. These guys... they don't beat around the bush, they've been through enough to know what suits 'em and what doesn't," they explained to him, before a smirk played on their lips. "Sound like anybody you know?"

That caused Kerry to chuckle, playfully pushing V with his arm before glancing down at his bottle. He fiddled around with it with both hands while he tried to form his thoughts. "Thanks for bringing me out here, V. Didn't think I'd be enjoying myself this much, but... you got some good people around you."

"Yeah," they replied, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze, "I really do." The meaning of their words did not escape Kerry, making him smile. V then grinned and continued, Y'know, I'm sure a handful of them are gonna be waiting for your call."

Kerry chuckled, raising his bottle to V, who met it with theirs with a loud clink. Then, with words that were playfully laced with promise, Kerry replied, "Then I better not disappoint them."

#I hope you enjoy it!! #Kerry Eurodyne #Panam Palmer #Mitch Anderson #River Ward #Cassidy #Scooter #Carol #i can't remember their last names #Judy Alvarez #V being a good friend to Kerry #and having him meet more of em #this was so much fun to write i really hope you enjoy it!

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

i like how r*kep*ck was introduced as this cool, badass, mysterious & skilled cursebreaker but at the end of y6 (not even the end of the game) she gets her ass kicked by a 17 y/o who wasn’t even in their last year of school then & also gets deceived by them if we choose to do so. i mean she gets made a fool of either way, she pretty much has no dignity left when she gets tied up & shut up by a spell (cast by another 17 y/o) lmao. i almost feel bad for her, i mean what a downgrade. but since she’s a total bitch, i don’t feel bad for her. she doesn’t deserve any of my condolences. 😒

But I love that so much, I really do. Because here’s the thing - it really doesn’t indicate anything about Rakepick’s decline as a character or force to be reckoned with. I mean, it emphatically does, but if we just take what the game is giving us, if we throw out any behind-the-scenes theories and force the game to be considered exclusively from the perspective of what this would mean in-universe...then it’s kind of awesome. Because there’s no reason within the story why Rakepick would fall so easily, no reason to assume this says anything about her. But it says everything about MC. I think that might be what they’re going for. That this is a marker of how much MC has grown, and become more powerful. Which is no doubt what R wants to see happen, but it could be a great or terrible depending on the path MC chooses to take. 

I mention these moments a lot, but I feel that they’re important and demonstrate this point. No matter what else Rakepick was, from the beginning she did try to teach MC, and hone their skills. Given what we now know about her, it’s very possible that she was grooming MC from the very beginning, to lead The Cabal one-day. Or who knows, maybe at one point, she had ideas about turning them into a weapon to use against them. I’d imagine her loyalty was paper-thin. Regardless, depending on dialogue choices, Rakepick can say that MC has not yet “scratched the surface of their potential” and that this is “frightening in many ways.” Combo that with her cryptic instruction to take the lead...I think she could see even then that MC would one day be a fearsome agent and leader among R if they were to choose that path. Whatever her agenda was, she could see that. I think that line about how it was “frightening” is telling...frightening for who? In what way? 

Well, here’s something that’s a little scary. In just a year and half, MC went from being unable to get a single spell off on Rakepick before she destroyed their damn wand...to overpowering her in a duel and making her look like a moron. And, depending on your choices, outsmarting her as well. Demonstrating a ruthless intelligence in trapping her, and the nerve to use that intelligence to destroy their enemies, unrestrained by the moral questions of doing so. Not even two years ago, Rakepick was this impassable, insurmountable wall. But as of Year 7? MC has settled things with her, and emerged victorious. She fell before them. You know, it almost reminds me of Star Wars: How the Apprentices who study The Dark Side invariably wind up killing their Masters to succeed them, but only when they’ve reached a point of surpassing them in power. MC has reached that point. They have slain the Dark Witch who was once their Master. And now? Well, now it’s simply down to MC’s choice if they’re going to follow in her footsteps. Again, the symbolism of MC polyjuicing Rakepick, literally turning into her...can’t be ignored. 

Ultimately, Rakepick doesn’t matter anymore. Her role in the story is over. Her purpose has been fulfilled. She has trained MC in the ways of Curse-Breaking. Of exploration, investigation, and martial magic. In her own words, she taught them how to “attack” The Dark Arts. The exact opposite of Defense Against the Dark Arts, and probably the shadow of actually using them. It’s been teased many times that MC will eventually learn an Unforgiveable, and I can believe it. MC will have to have a choice to make, and R will either get everything they wanted, their gamble will pay off...or, MC will teach them a very, very painful lesson. Rakepick  may represent R itself, in the sense that on their orders, she mentored MC, but that backfired on her. The Cabal has invested so much into MC, but what will they do if, no matter what, MC refuses to join them? Still considers them a mortal enemy? Because they’ve given MC all of the tools needed to destroy them, and all the motivation necessary to burn them to the ground and not look back.

Rakepick’s done for, her story is over. Because now, in no small part because she mentored them for two years...MC is powerful enough to knock her out of the story. As she knew they would be. I’d say they’re starting to scratch the surface of their potential, wouldn’t you? The only question now is...how much have they unlocked? Just how fearsome could MC really be if they decided to go all out? 

#Patricia Rakepick #HPHM Analysis #HPHM Jacob's Sibling #HPHM R #Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery #HPHM Cabal #HPHM Theory

[sophiamargaux]

𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕱𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝕱𝖗𝖔𝖒 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕻𝖗𝖊𝖈𝖎𝖕𝖎𝖈𝖊

Hellooo! This is my very first fanfic post and I am incredibly nervous about it lol. I have always shipped Hinawa and Maki so here’s an ode to the HinaMaki ship :) I hope everyone will be respectful and know that you are allowed to ship whoever you want (as long as it doesn’t involve minors, incest, you know the rest). 

BTW the story happened when they were both still in the military.

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The military is not for the soft – hearted. Its hard knuckle fights, intense violence of bombs, guns, and devastating destruction stemmed from a shallow and pointless war, is not for those with kind and gentle souls. Takehisa Hinawa only realized this truth a little too late before he joined the army. His motives?  It was not worthy of an award – winning speech about being faithful to the country. It was not even an illustration of something as heroic as world peace, or to discover the cure for cancer or aids. Motives that most aspiring politicians or doctors would have. But for him, his motives are as blurry as his eyesight. Maybe the military was the only pillar he could rely on for stability or maybe it was merely because he is a second generation pyrokinetic user. Although he only found out about it when he first held a gun during a range practice in his first days in the military. Whatever his motive was, you can say it was tenacious since it made him stay in the army long enough to become a sergeant.

Hinawa was packing an overnight bag for a mission. The night was silent, and it was the customary time where most of the soldiers are already asleep. The mission was mildly dangerous since it required an assistance from two second generation pyrokinetic users, Hinawa being one-half of the assistance. The higher – ups could call someone from the Special Fire Force Department, but they are afraid that it might be all for naught and it would waste their precious time where they could have been protecting the people from infernals. They also reasoned that if an infernal did happen, the second-generation users will hopefully be able to handle the situation just in time for the Fire Force to arrive. But then again, Hinawa is starting to get used to these situations. Especially since he was recently paired with his partner for these kinds of missions. Hinawa and his partner did not have a great start when they were first paired for these types of missions. It certainly did not help that his partner was under his command as a sergeant. But with the aid of time, they started to work in sync with each other. Things would not have worked out if his friend Tojo did not convince him to offer some help to his partner.

 “I’m all packed Sergeant!” A familiar voice rang through the open door.

 Hinawa looked back and saw a young lady dressed in the same military gear and uniform as him standing straight by his door in a salute stance. Private Maki Oze, daughter of the commander of the Tokyo Army and the other half of the second-generation user assigned for the mission. His partner.  To be honest, he was not exactly fond of her when she first joined in the army. During their first drills, she always came last and had no strength whatsoever. He often found her doing extra practice in training rooms, but he still thought all that effort was for nothing. She got in because she was a soon to be heir of the Tokyo Army, so it is safe to say that their partnership did not start off in the right foot. Maki did talk back to him once in a tone that he particularly did not like, and it ended with the whole section running fifty laps because of her. It did not end there. Maki had to run extra five laps and do fifty push – ups. He was not dubbed ‘Sergeant Hell’ by his comrades for nothing. Hinawa was always tough around them, but it was all for their sake. You needed to be hard and unbreakable for a job like this.

Maki specifically was a different story. Hinawa saw the determination and drive. Anyone can grow muscles and be physically strong but not everyone has the mental capacity of a fighter. But he saw that in her. It was not the same fire that he usually saw in other soldiers. It was brighter. It was like her flames were a loud voice in the dark. So, he decided to heed his friend’s advice and helped her. It took a lot of back – breaking drills and exhausting laps to dash the soldier out of her. No matter how much she improved, Hinawa still thought that he is right. She was not meant to be a soldier. Not with a kind heart like that.

 Hinawa zipped his bag and walked over towards Maki, closing the door behind him. He sported his head cap.

 “Let’s go,” he said, as they both started to make their way outside where a military truck awaits them.

 “What’s the mission this time, Sergeant?” Maki asked.

“We were asked to assist Captain Daichi’s troops in their retrieval for military armor and gear from a burnt down building in the south.”

“So why are we needed?”

“They said there might be some bombs in the building that are still active. Just to be safe than sorry, I guess.”

The cold air greeted them when they made it outside. All they could hear was the deafening noise of the crickets and the soft slow rumble of the chilly air that occasionally passed by. If they both listened closely, some mild snoring could be heard from the military truck situated three feet away from them. The military looked peaceful during nighttime. The gloomy atmosphere of the moonlight shone an agenda of rest for the beaten down soldiers. The green light signaled a temporary respite to put down their armors and shields, offering sleep before a new day starts once again. Hinawa would have loved to wave the white flag of defeat and retire to his bed but for now, he needed to be a soldier.

Upon closer investigation of the military truck, Hinawa’s urge to rest grew further. The truck was an old, rundown shackle with a tarp that not only barely covered the last row but had terrible patch work which meant all the good and comfortable spots were already taken. Maybe it was some sort of universal punishment or maybe it just so happened that the other good military trucks were taken but whatever the reason was, Hinawa was too tired to even make a face of disagreement.

“I know, she’s not much to look at but get on.” The vice-captain who was in the driver’s seat bellowed brusquely.

Maki was first to climb on the truck then Hinawa followed. He looked at his other comrades and saw some of them sleeping while the others gingerly engaged in some late-night idle chatter. Hinawa was on the verge of making a bitter face towards the soldiers who first claimed the spots he deemed were nice and favorable but stopped himself before Maki noticed his sour disposition.

“I guess we should have packed and arrived earlier, huh,” Maki said as she sat down, disappointment lacing her tone, as if she just spoke out loud the exact thing that Hinawa was thinking about.

“Well, there’s nothing we can do about it.” Hinawa sat down, facing Maki on the opposite side. They were hardly being covered by the old, craggy, and uneven tarp in a somewhat crowdy vehicle, sitting at the very last row. The last row was not the most unfavorable of all places, Hinawa thought. The view could be amazing plus the breeze that you could feel while travelling felt refreshing but considering that it is the middle of the night and he had barely any rest, he was not looking forward to the cold air.

He felt a sudden jolt from the vehicle and after a few minutes the truck started moving towards their destination. Tokyo still looked busy and bright even at ungodly hours, Hinawa observed as he looked at the scenery behind the vehicle they were on. All he knew about the south is that the building was in the middle of a field, a couple miles away from civilization. He guessed that maybe it was to guard territory of the country, but he was not exactly sure. But he was positive that the fields of the south nurtured cows, goats, and other animals alike. If the mission went well, the captain might agree to stop by a nearby farm to gather raw ingredients for the army kitchen. He would not mind having the chance to enjoy rest time with farm animals. Besides, he did grow up in a small town.

Hinawa swarmed in his own thoughts when he felt the forces of fatigue and exhaustion pull him closer and closer to sleep. He crossed his arms close to his chest to combat the cold air. It was not long before Hinawa completely fell asleep.

 _______________________________________________________________

Hinawa felt the jostling of the vehicle and the gust of the cold morning air.  He slowly opened his eyes to see the sight of his lap. It appeared that he had fallen asleep with his neck facing downwards, and slowly he started to feel the ache gathering at the base of his neck as he tried to look up. Still groggy and dazed from recently waking up from his slumber, he gazed up at the free sky and the rough edge of the tarp that seemed to be falling apart at the seams. The sky was a lovely pool of lilac, pink, and blue. It was dawn at its most beautiful, banned from the shadows and despair that came with nightfall. The horizon painted a muddy picture of black and white, ambiguity brewing anticipation of a stupendous day. But at last, the world was brand new once again.

He looked behind him and noticed that the scenery had changed. Instead of buildings, towers, and a mob of civilians, what beheld him was a beautiful landscape of the countryside. Rice fields, trees, and far-off sights of the forest. It would not be long until he started seeing the fields of the south. He eyed his comrades and noticed that they were still sleeping soundly. Must be nice to not be affected by the cold air, Hinawa judged bitterly. He peeked at Maki in front of him and observed that she too, was still sleeping soundly.

He felt a small tug of his lips at the sight of her small snoring, sleeping form. She had her head rested at her left shoulder and the top of her head was facing the hide of the truck. He could already predict the look of her pained face once the sore on her neck started to settle. It pained him to see her this way, because she looked so lovely, despite the military camouflage clothing and the armor geared with it. She had grown up to be daddy’s princess, and here, a decade and thousands of miles away from that life, here amid the threats of violence from Infernals’ dissolute and unlovely tasks of the army, here was Maki Oze, asleep, raven hair softly dancing with the wind, radiating a gentle glow.

Her eyes slightly wrinkled as the sun started catching up with the moving vehicle. Immediately, Hinawa removed his field cap and gently placed it on her head, careful not to wake her up. It changed everything somehow to see this new facet of her and to be aware of how eagerly she had sought to be a better fighter. It made going through the mission with her a dangerous endeavor. A strange shiver of devotion passed through him and then a corresponding swell of protectiveness. Not that Maki needed much protection.

Hinawa realized that he had been slightly smiling for quite some time, unaware of his blatant stare towards his sleeping comrade. Instantly he dropped his smile and shook his head to be rid of the intricate thoughts he had of his partner. Such fragile, tender thoughts could cause the beating heart to act on its own that might travel beyond logic. Hinawa had to remind himself of who he was and what he needed to be, a commanding officer.

The vehicle came to a halt to signal their arrival. Hinawa stood up and gently shook Maki’s shoulder. Maki still a tiny bit bewildered, woke up from her slumber and looked at the person who woke her.

“It’s time to get off.” Hinawa said, not making eye contact as he immediately went down first. Slowly getting to her senses, Maki realized that there was something on top of her head and upon instant inspection, she noticed that it was Hinawa’s field cap. Or at least it was what she assumed since the sergeant earlier appeared to not be wearing his field cap. She removed the cap from her head and looked inside to find the tag in it beholding the name Takehisa Hinawa. She felt smitten and grateful as she gazed at her walking partner, smiling at his kind gesture.

 _______________________________________________________________

The sun had a blinding glow. Its fiery rays cascaded down the fields of the south border. Soldiers from left to right were moving armors. Half – way through the mission, another military truck arrived to compensate for the number of objects they have retrieved. Maki looked at the ash and soot that covered the building with disdain and annoyance. It had been three hours of back – tiring, back and forth slavery, climbing up and down the burnt building, carrying the surviving heavy equipment, while staying alert for stray bombs, and Maki has had enough. She had been sweating profusely and her arms were starting to ache. She had experienced worse, and it mostly involved Sergeant Hell’s drills and punishments.

Three hours had also passed since Maki felt nothing but scorn and spite towards her partner. She knew all too well the merry feelings she experienced earlier were too good to be true for Hinawa was stricter than usual and Maki was getting a little irritated. To think that he bestowed her his field cap only to be treated this way. Maki was certain, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that Hinawa had her whole respect, but he was treading the line between army disciplinary and blunt rudeness.

Maki grunted and carried the large metal bin, making her way back into the building before Hinawa reprimanded her again about her tardiness – even if it was only a minute, no worse, thirty seconds late. Ever since she woke up, Hinawa was… a touch different. It was not a complete three sixty-degree transformation to the point where he was unrecognizable. It was more like a switch was turned on and out came a side of him that she had never met. She should not interest herself in such mundane and small observations, but she could not help but wonder at the baroque changes that Hinawa was making.  Hinawa appeared as his perfectly normal self to a random comrade at first sight, but Maki would digress. From the first hour of the mission, he had been barking orders at her with excessive intensity than the usual firm but authoritative tone. Lately, it was always Maki, walk faster! Or Maki, pay attention to where you are going! Not once did he even try to make eye contact with her. No matter how hard she tried to keep up to his orders it she was either a minute late or it was not done in the way he would want it to.  

Maki quickly jogged upstairs to where Hinawa was waiting. When she arrived, he already had a pile of different machine guns waiting beside him. She stood up straight and demonstrated her best salute stance while hiding her desperate panting.

“You’re late.” Hinawa said bluntly as he grabbed the bin that she was holding. He promptly dropped the bin and started placing the machine guns inside one by one. Maki swiftly struck her tongue at him when he was not looking, like a little juvenile child.

“Are you helping or not?” Hinawa ordered in firm and harsh tone.

Maki jumped to her feet and started placing the machine guns into the bin as well, scared at the possible return of Sergeant Hell. The mission was already tough on its own, she did not wish to worsen the weight of her burdens. The work was not entirely silent since they could hear other troops outside handling their own retrieved armor. Maki found the background noise pleasant since she could not handle Hinawa’s aggressive aura.

“Why am I always deployed with you?” Hinawa sounded like he was thinking his thoughts out loud after a long time of silence between them. Maki would had given him the benefit of the doubt and assumed the start of his day did not go as great as hers, or he had received bad news, but Maki was not feeling kind after three hours of nothing but boorishness and acrimony from him.

“It’s because we make a good team, you dipshit.” She muttered in her lowest, tiniest voice, silently praying that Hinawa did not catch what she said. She looked up at him just in case, but Hinawa was already staring. Maki’s blood ran cold, and her fingers started to get clammy. It was the stare. It was the look that Hinawa would use that rendered the rest of her comrades meek, frozen, praying for their lives. His face did not contort in any way nor did his eyebrows crease downwards. His face was rather relaxed and devoid of any emotion, but everyone could feel his unwavering motive for severe discipline strongly.

“I-I’m very sorry Sergeant! That will never happen again!” Maki hurriedly stood up and saluted. Without pausing, she picked up the bin and hastily made her way down. The bin was heavy, but she was willing to make that sacrifice if it meant she did not have to witness the wrath of Sergeant Hell. Although, she was fully well- aware that she would face the consequences of her actions when they returned to Tokyo.

Hinawa was left a little bewildered at the sight of Maki scurrying away. He wondered why she would suddenly bolt with the bin knowing very well that it was heavy. He sighed in frustration. He withdrew his glasses and massaged the bridge of his nose to release some tension that he had been feeling lately. Hinawa was not known to be someone who was led by their emotions, in fact it was the opposite. He couldn’t even make decent eye contact without getting flustered for remembering her sleeping face. Hinawa felt pathetic at his disposition. It did not help that she was wearing his field cap. He probably scared Maki away when all she ever did was try her best while he was being a pain in the ass. He put his glasses on and went down to catch up with Maki, in hopes of trying to patch the things that he did.

It was not long before Hinawa witnessed Maki dragging the bin with whatever strength she got left. When Maki noticed his presence, she immediately had her back straight and was about to apologize again when Hinawa stopped her.

“You shouldn’t have recklessly carried this all by yourself.” Hinawa said in a calmer tone. An inconspicuous apology. He held the underside of the bin on one side and ordered Maki to do the same on the other, their fingertips briskly making soft contact. In the count of three, they lifted the bin and carefully tread their way down, conscientious of each step they took.

Hinawa cleared his throat and thought of the perfect words to say.

“I apologize for the way I um… acted earlier.” Still struggling to make eye contact he kept his gaze onwards. He felt stupid for struggling over something so regular and casual. Something he was able to do almost every single day. He could even meet eyes with strangers. But Maki was no stranger. She moved past that title long before Hinawa realized it himself. Finally mustering enough grit, he looked at her direction and there she was, looking at him with her bright purple eyes, smiling.

“You’re a weird one, Sergeant,” she said, simply. In her usual sweet, cool tone. Her eyes returned forward and continued to walk in silence with him, her smile not dropping.  

Hinawa did not want to overthink. He did not want to interrupt the soft mumbling of his heart. He had been too hard – like granite, that something as soft as Maki made him feel ominous towards all things that are delicate and gentle. He did not want to think of what will become of him in the future when the comfort that she gives, became too serene that he would no longer look for peace in anything or anyone else, but her.  But that was for future worries. Hinawa knew that the slope he treaded on was precarious, but for once he wanted to bask in the small joy that he found in this old, burnt, and retired building. When they finally made it outside, it was then that he realized the warm smile he wore the whole way down.

Maki stretched her back and groaned at the pain that came with it. She adjusted her cap and looked at the building. Is that all? She thought hopefully.

A sudden loud boom answered her question. The bellowing noise echoed from the top of the building. Large debris sputtered out with ashes and soot, as the soldiers ducked and took cover.  Hinawa looked around, checking for every soldier, hoping that all the troops were present outside, and none were harmed from the explosion.

Hinawa stood up and decided to go inside to check when he felt someone pull his uniform, crumbling to the ground, just in time when a large rock dropped in front of him.

“And to think that could’ve been you.” He heard a familiar voice by his side. Maki had a firm grip on the collar of his uniform and the other on the ground to support her upper body and his weight. Hinawa’s back was pressed against her chest as he lay in between her legs. They took cover when another wave of cinders approached.

Once everything settled, Hinawa stood up and helped Maki along with him. He took notice of the sight that was around him. Everyone seemed fine and no one looked harmed from the abrupt blast. The captain in charge quickly grabbed the megaphone and assured the troops. Orders were made. Everyone gathered around the center and checked. Hinawa could already tell the mission was going to be delayed for another day.

________________________________________________________________

The night was silent. Tents covered the area where soldiers rested after a long tiring labor. Thankfully, no one got hurt from the explosion, thanks to the great Sol’s mercy. Daylight resigned and made room for nightfall. The crescent moon that hung above the clouds were glistening with pride, silently saying good job for a well – spent day. The campfire placed in the center crackled softly as its tiny embers danced in the wind, its serene cacophony bringing peace to the sleeping soldiers.

Hinawa was sitting by the fire, polishing his guns. It was one of those days where sleep did not befall on him, causing him to gun at the blazing fire with thoughts at disarray. This happened once or twice in every two weeks ever since he joined the army. It was the one possibility he was aware of when he signed up. It did not dawn on him that another soldier also shared the same troubles.

Maki had always known that Hinawa had sleeping problems from time to time. It was a speculation she made on their first mission together and confirmed it when she once saw him strolling around the military campus late at night. She did not know why the information stuck with her. Maybe it was because she too, had difficulties with sleeping.  Whenever restless nights occurred, the Sergeant would come to mind. The cynosure of her thoughts often sloped to Hinawa on whether he was awake as well. She did not know how this circuitous way of thinking started, but it was a guessing game that she very much enjoyed playing.

Maki got up and went out of her tent. She looked around and noticed Hinawa all alone by the campfire. Maki was right again.

She approached Hinawa with careful posture, hoping not to disturb his deep contemplation. Hinawa already seemed aware of the approaching footsteps, then glanced expectedly at Maki.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” Hinawa questioned in a solemn voice while continuing to polish his guns.

“Why aren’t you?” Maki asked with the same solemnity.

“I can’t sleep.”

“It’s the same for me too.” She sat down beside him. Happily warming herself in silence.

Maki would not say it out loud, but she had always loved the silence between them. There was no tension, no awkward air, no rigidity. It was just him. His good old eccentric self. The gap amidst them, in vague estimation, was but a hand’s distance yet for Maki, it was more than enough.

“Thank you for earlier.” Hinawa stopped and turned to her.

Maki was a little surprised with his words of gratitude. It was not every day for her to receive a thank you from him, though still, she replied with a soft small nod. They spent more of their time together in gentle stillness, appreciating the campfire and its warmth. Maki observed his face in her own discreet manner. The mischievous shadows of the fire grazed his features. She suddenly got an idea.

“Sergeant, do you want to play a game?”

“Honestly, you and your games –.”

“This will be fun, I promise.” Maki looked at him with hopeful eyes, prying for a yes. It was late into midnight. Hinawa was tired, and it looked like Maki was in the mood to drop any form of formalities. He had been in this predicament more than once ever since he asked her to play a game of chess with him. From that day forth, she had gradually adapted into the habit of asking. Often a game of poker or go fish. It did not help that his fierce competitiveness would get the best of him. So whenever the chances arose, he’d give in.

Hinawa sighed in defeat.

“What is it this time? Poker?” He set aside his guns. Maki’s excitement increased after his agreement.

“I forgot to bring my deck of cards though. But I have an idea.” Maki’s arm reached out to touch the temple of his glasses. “May I?” She asked politely.

Hinawa tried to ignore the sensation of her fingertips on his face but instead eyed her in suspicion.

“What are you planning?” He asked defensively. When it came to his eyesight, he did not easily trust anybody.

“Don’t worry, I won’t run away with it. It’s a game called How far can Sergeant Hinawa see.” Maki looked skeptically happy for Hinawa’s liking. He raised his eyebrows at the absolute ridiculous made-up game she curated.

“And how is this exactly, fun for me?” He asked, reaching with careful ease to her out-stretched arm.

“You’ll get a chance to teach your subordinate about having bad eyesight? It is all for educational purposes!” Conviction laced her tone. “Well… at least it is for me.” She mumbled her words after, trying her best to convince him, but she knew she was not demonstrating conceivable reasons.

Hinawa stared at her pleading face and considered every possible outcome that could occur if he ever gave in. A bad feeling brewed from the very bottom of his guts, creeping up to his esophagus and felt himself enter an unknown territory.  

Maki cowered under his gloomy stare. Her shyness slowly resurfaced like a bad itch, until Hinawa eventually agreed.

“Try to run away and I won’t hesitate to shoot you.” He threatened.

“Yes, sir.” Maki swallowed back her fear.

When Maki detached his glasses from his face, the once bright and brilliant sight of the campfire suddenly shifted to an orange blur. He squinted his eyes on impulse but to no avail. He still could not see. He heard a giggle from where Maki was seated and tried to look at her pointedly, but his eyesight was too cloudy that he could not decipher her face.

“What are you laughing at?” He tried to scold.

“I’m sorry Sergeant, but I can’t take you seriously when you squint like that.” Maki sought an apologetic tone, but she could not control those small fits of giggles that came out.

“If you’re going to laugh at me, I’m no longer playing this ga-”

“Wait, wait, wait! I’m starting.” Maki waved her hands around in compliance.

Maki scooted a few places away from him, not far but far enough that she became a filmy mess of colors in Hinawa’s eyes.  

“Can you see me?” She asked earnestly, quietly, a small call amid the cackling of the campfire’s flames. Maki knew what she meant when she said those words, she promised no other message but the literal. And yet the chatoyance of her eyes and the comely warmth of her face begged to differ.

“No, you’re a blurry mess.” He said calmly, with a cool and collected composure that Maki was a little jealous.

So, he is nearsighted, Maki thought to herself. She scampered a little closer as the sound of her rustling clothes melded with the fire. She sat three steps away from him.

“How about now?” She asked once again. The tender beating of her heart elevated. Step by fragile step. A dangerous distance separated them.

“No.”

She moved closer. Two steps away. The sight of his face grew nearer. Her fast pulse teetered amidst a minefield, taking precise steps, yet fully anticipating the eventual fall, his succeeding notice. Nothing went past Hinawa’s strict observation, and yet, and yet! How his keen-eyed nature toppled in the face of sweet blatancy. Tension seized her deliberate advance. She mustered enough courage to ask once more, despite how her heart opposed.

“Can you see me now?”

“Maki, you have to move closer than that.”

It sounded like a small dare. A miniscule challenge to scoot closer, or so it seemed at first. Maki closed the chasm. Their bodies touched. And there it was, the fatal flaw. And suddenly his face was one breath away. She felt her heart tightened at the gnawing clarity in front of her. This was not the game she expected to play. The once dulcet juvenile idea was short – lived and it turned into a diaphanous duel of the heart. Regret dawned when her chest constricted, a great effervescent demise waited at the sight of his face only inches away.

If Maki had been brave enough, she would’ve taken another ghastly risk closer.

“How about now?” She inquired in a supple whisper, wordlessly urging him to say yes.

To her surprise, Hinawa drew his face closer to hers. Their noses nearly caressed. Her pulse drummed. Her heartbeat soared. The campfire’s amber glow resembled his orange eyes, brilliant like the shiny coppers and pennies in a treasure box, kindling a special flame of their own. She marveled in awe, staring deep into his copper pools.

Hinawa’s stare penetrated. Really looking at her. With enough fervor, passion, and blithe to ignite a golden unadulterated cinder.

“Now I see you.”

Maki knew with most certainty what Hinawa meant when he said those words. There was no code or hidden message. But across this labyrinth of newly planted confessions, burning novelties, and undecipherable sentiments, a fine piece of thread guided a way for Maki. And for a moment, her what-ifs exulcerated, paving fresh roads for more, knowing that she may be falling because just for a short second, she felt the whole world disappear. All she could see was the soft glimmer of his tangerine eyes.

Upon sudden realization of their proximity, Maki hastily moved her head and awkwardly laughed.

“Wow, Sergeant you have really bad eyesight.” Maki lightened the mood and placed his glasses back into his face. She shifted and moved herself away to create a tiny distance between them.

“You should have them checked.” She weakly added, her hands covering the reddening of her cheeks, completely avoiding his eyes.

“I already did but there’s nothing they can do about it.” Hinawa adjusted his glasses as he said so.

Maki cleared her throat and stood, feigning a yawn as she stretched her body.

“I’ll be going now Sergeant Hinawa, it was nice talking to you.” Maki respectfully bowed and quickly made her way to her tent. As she walked, she peeked him, hoping to find answers about the earlier endeavor. Maybe it was the night’s illusion or her sleep-deprived mind, but she could have sworn that his ears were a tinge pinker than ever before.

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Maki was lying in her tent, unable to fall asleep. She tossed and turned but nothing worked. For the past hour, her mind continually travelled to the glasses game that happened earlier. She wondered if she could ever face him again without being flustered. Hinawa must have been dense enough, right? There was no way he could’ve noticed, not when she had his glasses in hand.

But after her attempted conviction failed, she began to panic at the idea of Hinawa seeing through her façade. That her rose blush had been blatant enough for his blurry eyesight.

Maki groaned in frustration and turned to her side once more. Hinawa’s field cap occupied her vision. I must return this to him, she reminded herself. She took the cap and stared at the tag that held his name. Out of nowhere, Maki felt a smile budding. She had never been more confused in this predicament, and yet she had never been happier as well. Her feelings were still an unresolved puzzle towards Hinawa. She could not even begin to untangle her thoughts about him.

Maybe it was homesickness or a glitch in the mind. She could not care less either way, only a mellow delight seeped through the fabric of her confusion. Surely, one could never be in the wrong disposition when such odd joy triumphed.

And just like that, Maki fell asleep with a smile on her face that night. Whatever it was, whatever her heart whispered that evening, she’d had enough time to worry later. It can wait till then.  

#my fic #my ships #fire force #hinawa x maki #maki oze #takehisa hinawa #hinamaki #they're so precious #slow burn #i hope more people will like them lol #i had to write this

[shinelikethunder]

So I mentioned offhand in another post that my read on Will and Bedelia’s therapy sessions in s3 is that she’s trying to manipulate him into killing Hannibal before Hannibal can come kill her. I’d like to expand on that a little, because tbh it’s one of the more opaque parts of the show, and NBC Hannibal is a show that’s already cagey about coming right out and saying what it’s doing. Even this reading is kinda provisional--it��s the only explanation I’ve come up with that makes sense to me so far, and I’d welcome discussion and alternate interpretations.

I’m working off a couple of base assumptions here:

Despite the show’s appearance of sometimes moving from one bizarre tableau or inscrutable conversation to another on pure dream logic, and despite how well it holds up when you watch it in “sure, this might as well happen” mode, when we’re shown something happening it’s usually because it advances some character- or plot-related story beat. Likewise in-universe, characters don’t do things for no reason, they have an agenda (or multiple conflicting agendas), even if Hannibal’s agenda is almost always “fuck around and find out.”

Bedelia’s overriding motivation is her own survival. If she’s involved in a situation, she needs to be able to maintain control over it; if she can see it going south to a point where she’ll lose control, she’s ready and willing to peace the fuck out entirely. Once that prerequisite is satisfied, she’s also motivated by curiosity--at least partly because access to information, which can then be withheld or selectively revealed, is her main lever of control--and probably some amount of paradoxical attraction to danger and violence. She doesn’t experience much if any compassion; her horror of violence is mainly at the breach of control it implies and the creation of a situation that could very quickly get out of hand.

So. What’s going on in Will and Bedelia’s therapy sessions? Well, the first angle of attack there is--why the fuck are Will and Bedelia having therapy sessions anyway? What’s the agenda? Will’s the easy one there, he’s overflowing with agenda--questions and resentments about what happened in Florence, a reactivated need to understand his own relationship with Hannibal, a need to talk things over when he “can’t just talk to any psychiatrist about what’s kicking around my head.” But Bedelia? She has peaced the fuck out. Why’s she getting involved again?

Process of elimination time:

She’s not taking patients for shits and giggles. The only one who’s ever convinced her to make an exception to her retirement is Hannibal, who had an extraordinary amount of leverage over her at the time. And she seems to be making a killing on the lecture circuit, so it’s not like she needs the fee.

She’s not particularly interested in Will for his own sake. She’s heard enough about him from Hannibal to do a competent job of dissecting him, but doesn’t make much or any effort to learn more. In fact, I’m pretty sure she’s the only psychiatrist on the Dark Psychiatry Murder Show to demonstrate no professional curiosity about him whatsoever. She only knows him in relation to Hannibal (his patient, his friend, his victim, his nemesis, his ex...) and that’s still how she relates to him in their sessions.

She doesn’t particularly like Will either, and she sure as hell isn’t trying to get on his good side.

She might be enjoying the opportunity to talk over her own relationship with Hannibal in a way that’s significantly closer to the truth than anything she can say in public. But it’s also a risk, and she manages it carefully--both the disclosure of information, and her getting involved at all.

The most in-character motivation turns out to also be the one that makes the most sense: Bedelia’s trying to save her own ass. She’s seen where the pieces are on the board: the Red Dragon, Will being brought back to consult on the case, Will inevitably consulting Hannibal. She’s seen that Hannibal is once again in a position to exert influence, stir up trouble, and potentially seize an opportunity to escape and come after her. She knows Will exerts more influence on Hannibal than anyone else in the world. So what’s she going to do about it? What's she trying to persuade him of?

Well, let’s take a look at the lines of conversation in her sessions with Will:

Perhaps most surprisingly to him, she’s the first person to spot Hannibal’s whole Murder Husbands/”we’re just alike” conception of Will’s potential and flat-out tell him it’s not going to work. As inconsistent as his compassion may be, it’s just as deeply rooted as his attraction to violence and neither one is going away--they are in perpetual tension except in the rare situtations where he feels like violence is the compassionate thing to do to prevent suffering.

If he was hoping to somehow save Hannibal, “manage” him, or push his monstrousness in more tolerable directions, well, look how well that turned out. Bedelia tried it too in Florence and, again, look how well that turned out. 0/10 do not recommend.

No matter what, as long as he and Hannibal are in each other’s orbits, they’re both absofuckinglutely stupid with mutual obsession and neither of them will be able to turn away.

Hannibal has hurt him terribly and will continue to hurt him as long as they’re within each other’s reach.

“The next time you have an instinct to help someone, you might consider crushing them instead. It might save you a great deal of trouble.”

I don’t know about you, but it looks an awful lot to me like Bedelia’s systematically going through the 3 Endings of All Hannibal Fanfiction and telling Will to get a fucking grip because all of it’s impossible. Can’t live with him. Can’t live without him. Just as she steered Hannibal to his “I have to eat him” epiphany in Florence, she’s trying to steer Will to the conclusion that the only possible ending here is with one or both of them dead.

I’m still chewing over where that goes in the last couple episodes of s3. So far my best read on that is that Will is stubbornly resistant to being steered and it drives Bedelia up the goddamn wall. Thus her incandescent fury and brazen emotional manipulation when she thinks he ought to be laser-focused on what Hannibal just tried to do to his family, and instead he volunteers for a half-baked plan that ends with someone he despises getting thrown under the bus. She’s got an incredibly slim case for pinning the blame for Chilton’s fate directly on Will*, and she must know it because she’s pushing his buttons like crazy to sell it to him. But she’s genuinely furious--and, Bedelia being Bedelia, it’s not out of moral indignation or compassion for Chilton. I suspect her line of thinking is that if not even this is enough to get him vengeful against Hannibal, and instead he’s pulling stunts like the TattleCrime article, well, she’s acutely aware that she’s on the list of people Will despises. Maybe she’s directly in the line of fire, maybe she’s just acceptable collateral damage, but either way Will’s "solutions” are creating a risk for her where she was trying to eliminate one.

-

* Will’s entire contribution to the plan was “So I really bad-mouth the Red Dragon in TattleCrime and give him a shot at me to lure him out”--he intended to assume all the risk. Alana was the one who suggested a professional voice to validate the trash-talk. She also volunteered Chilton for the part, explicitly because he was a fame-seeking idiot with his head too far up his own ass to see how much danger he’d be putting himself in. Being one of the four people in the room to watch Chilton dig himself into a hole, then adding the finishing touch of “let’s split the picture credit 50/50 too!”, makes Will kind of a dick for going along with it. But like fuck does it entitle him to the credit for engineering the whole situation. He wanted to put Chilton at risk--the exact same potential risk Will himself was assuming, in exchange for his shot at the same reward.

Bedelia’s out on a limb here and she knows it. If she had an actual case, she wouldn’t have to resort to openly manipulative jabs at Will’s sore spots about touch, external influence on identity, and fostering false trust. Or recycle Hannibal’s “Was this a potential outcome you foresaw? Congrats, that’s participation!” tactics for fostering false complicity. Trying to manage the risk of someone else’s violent behavior and failing isn’t “participating” in violence unless you’ve got a vested interest in shifting the blame. Bedelia’s not a reliable narrator here, and she blames Will for Chilton... why? Probably because she was angling for Hannibal to be the one he threw under the bus.

#hannibal #meta #bedelia du maurier #will graham