#maybe i’m just projecting everything onto my favs again because of it

[shortamarble]

i’ve listened to mr. joey bateys song ‘welly boots’ approximately 156 times this week and every time i listen to it i relate it more and more to geralt and jaskier 😭 i know it’s technically about coping with the death of a loved one but don’t the lyrics just SCREAM geraskier ??

Oh darling lord, how you make me laugh/ Get drunk for me, sing louder than you’ve sung for me/ Grow young each time that thunder in your lungs begins to rumble at the world/ 'Cause you were always strong

They said ‘That girl, she’s wrong’/ But I’ll stick up for you, even though you haven’t got a clue, you haven't got a fucking clue

You’ll miss me, oh Jesus Christ, you’ll miss me/ Just as much as all those years ago, and you’ll look up at the storm

You’ll say ‘I’ve been so scared/You left me here behind, do you not care?/ How the fuck am I supposed to carry on without you here?‘

#the witcher #geralt of rivia #geralt x jaskier #jaskier #geraskier #dandelion #maybe it’s the tism talking #maybe i’m just projecting everything onto my favs again because of it #but this song still got me crying thinking about them #it’s mixed pov #but it MAKES SENSE #joey batey #is a genius #a genius lyricist #and storyteller #and i love all of his songs

[gimmeurtmi]

I just need you to know that your seung kinktober installment might genuinely be my favorite smut I’ve ever read oh my god

maybe it’s bc I can self project onto the reader so much but like… not only is the smut fucking incredible but the romantic aspects of their relationship just put the smut and the fic in general on a completely different level <333

EVERYTHING ABOUT IT HITS IN JUST THE RIGHT PLACE TBH LIKE…

yn playing with seung’s hair, him being so so desperate and edging himself but still domming, him calling her his favorite toy hfjdhsh, whenever you talk about his pretty eyes I die, the way you describe the sounds he makes ohhh my god…

especially him like holding her close while he cums omfg like his forehead against her cheek or his face in her chest OH MY GODDD my favorite thing ever actually

and in general just them like giggling and making jokes and not taking themselves too seriously during sex, like that is just so realistic and normal and I rarely see that in smut but it means sm to me bc to me it just speaks to the more domestic side of a relationship. being able to love completely and also romantically even in a sexual context <3 it js makes me so happy aaahh

not even just the kinktober fic but YOUR OTHER SEUNGMIN SMUT TOO <3 all of your seung writing is actually my holy grail of smut ever… like seungmin’s no nut november fic, and just that one drabble abt him edging yn? I reread them all the time they mean sm to me

and at this point the pet name bubs will get me every time AAHHH I didn’t even like the pet name before but your seung smut has seriously altered my brain chemistry 😩

just something abt the way you write himmm I it love so so much. idk what u put in these seung fics but I will eat them up every!! single!! time!!!

anyways. sorry for writing out so much but I love love love your writing and I love you! thank you for writing, and I WILL be rereading seung’s kinktober fic over and over and over again <333

no thank you for writing so much it means a lot to me 😭😭😭😭

i’m so glad you enjoy my seung smut because he is my fav to write for and i love that more people are interacting with his fics (they used to be my least read ones but i know seung is getting more biased lately) so i’m so happy you enjoy them!!!!

i’m not gonna stop writing him any time soon so i hope you enjoy the next ones too!!!!!!!!!! mwah!!!

#ask #kinktober23

[goosefeathercore]

hmm dovewing or ivypool?

bet I’ll do both >:3

dovewing

sexuality headcanon: bisexual

gender/pronouns headcanon: she/love/xe, demigirl

favorite thing about them: how she continues to hold so much love for everyone, even when they don’t appreciate it or offer love back to her. she’s also genuinely a good mother, I really appreciate how she loves her kids unconditionally and prioritized being a support system for shadowsight over the opinions of her clanmates and the warrior code. I also love how she’s found her place in shadowclan, and her relationship with tawnypelt!

least favorite thing about them: I guess the fact that she never really got to acknowledge how unfair thunderclan was to her at times, like i feel that she should’ve gotten to go off a little, but I understand that it’s kind of part of her character to be super emotionally mature and forgive others by recognizing that they’re hurting too. so not really a character flaw, more like a desire of mine as a reader! I do think that she popped off when defending shadowsight though.

why i first started liking them: I’m gonna be real with you when I first read power of three and omen of the stars i was like 13 so i didn’t exactly have the hottest takes and she was kinda disliked online until recently. so basically, i started liking her when i joined tumblr a few years ago and started reading long posts analyzing her character and defending her because that was how i realized that i had been missing a ton of nuance!

do i relate/project onto/kin them?: I guess I partially relate to her because i can empathize with the whole ‘i was put on a pedestal as a kid and it made other kids dislike me because i had opportunities they didn’t, but i also never asked to be this way’ thing. that’s kinda where the similarities end though and she’s way more chill than I am about it!

favorite quote/moment: I really liked all her moments with shadowsight in the broken code! she was such a good mom to him through everything.

my fav ship: idk tbh! i think she and tigerheartstar are cute but i’d love to hear about any wlw dovewing ships!

my fav platonic friendship: ooh i don’t really know tbh i don’t remember power of three and the first half of omen of the stars well at all T-T I did just reread tawnypelt’s clan though, and dovewing’s friendships with the tribe cats are nice!

a ship i hate: bumblestripe x dovewing of course, that’s clearly not a hot take lmao i think everyone hates him

do i prefer canon or fanon?: i think i’m somewhere in the middle, like i prefer reading about the fandom’s interpretations of canon dovewing based on the books

random headcanon: i’ve been designing a lot of cats recently, and the image of dovewing in my head has eyes that are a gradient from blue to green! not the most original, but I like it :3

what color do i picture them as: light gray and white

cat breed headcanon: maybe scottish fold or munchkin cat

unpopular opinion: this opinion is much more popular here on tumblr, but she doesn’t deserve the hate she gets.

things i associate with them: doves of course, and for some reason i also heavily associate her with angels and angelcore aesthetic, i have no idea where that came from!

song i associate with them: definitely evelyn, evelyn because of the MAP

favorite MAP/PMV/AMV with them: https://youtu.be/3MdnLGpZSw0 this one! i just like the song a lot in general

ivypool

sexuality headcanon: demiromantic lesbian

gender/pronouns headcanon: she/he/it

favorite thing about them: i liked her a lot as a kid, i guess i’ve always admired the balls it took to be a double agent in freaking hell. idk she was an angsty mood to 13 year old me and i always viewed her as a badass lesbian!

least favorite thing about them: i guess the fact that the erin’s never seem to keep consistent character development for her. i feel like she really reflects on her life and mends her relationships, but then the erin’s just kinda undo that when they want her to be super angsty again for the sake of drama in the plot

why i first started liking them: i liked her from the start but i recognize her flaws a lot more now and i think i appreciate her more as a whole because of it

do i relate/project onto/kin them?: yeah i definitely relate to her a bit, except i’m an only child. instead, i relate to her for the whole ‘getting caught up in a very toxic friendship and losing sight of your personal morals while searching for validation’ thing. she’s a badass though and i just sit in my room and read funny little cat books 💀

favorite quote/moment: again, i do not remember the middle arcs that well but i will always remember the scene where she confronts hawkfrost at the great battle and hollyleaf dies saving her. i will also never forget her in the end of a light in the mist.

my fav ship: i really don’t know, i’ve always seen her as a lesbian but never had a good ship. i know some people ship her with blossomfall but i’ve also seen people say that blossomfall kinda treated ivypool like shit and i can’t really join that debate because i don’t remember their relationship like. at all

my fav platonic friendship: HOLLYLEAF!!!! the 2 reject siblings with flawed morals and self esteem issues 🖤 i think it was so fitting for hollyleaf to die saving her it was angsty af

a ship i hate: not really a big fan of ivypool x fernsong, this girl has been a lesbian in my mind since day one

do i prefer canon or fanon?: fanon all the way!! my main way of enjoying ivypool lately has been consuming fanon content where ivypool basically just goes to therapy lmao

random headcanon: this isn’t really a headcanon but i have an au where she goes to live with dovewing for a while after a light in the mist, and dovewing and shadowsight help her overcome her grief. i also see her as a butch lesbian!

what color do i picture them as: gray and white, the gray bits have darker gray stripes on them

cat breed headcanon: don’t have one :3 i see her as short haired and kinda blocky though

unpopular opinion: i don’t really know..i guess just that i like both her and dovewing equally??

things i associate with them: thorns, train tracks, nightmares

song i associate with them: devil train because of the MAP!

favorite MAP/PMV/AMV with them: devil train!!!https://youtu.be/iZjb-ATaYVk

but i’m also still hyped af about the copycat MAP, the call was posted 3 years ago and it’s so close to being done!! there’s a ton of big names involved i think it’s gonna be awesome!! here’s the parts playlist: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLmTDc0x_Z-a_XA5LQujJ7qsx7PWxlYl4V

#dovewing #ivypool #wc #warrior cats #warriors #waca #warriorcats #thunderclan #wc headcanon #warriors headcanons #warrior cats headcanons #warriors ask game #warrior cats ask game #wc ask game

[fizzingwizard]

Alright, so, Digimon Adventure 2020 Episode 12: Castle in the Sky Laputa!

I mean, I, Guardromon...

... Bicentennialmon?

well, any of the three works :P

Right off the bat, I’ll say this ep gets a ‘meh’ from me, BUT I did love its aesthetic. I’m a big fan of robot stories, especially the Asimov variety. Scrap heap robots are my absolute favs. And I did like the Ghibli vibe going on too. The episode was pretty, and the robot characters were cool... it just wasn’t very fun. At the very least, I was expecting team Taichi/Koushirou/Mimi to be a bit more fun than Yamato/Sora/Jou, but I guess this ain’t 1999 anymore ;)

^The most amusing bit was finding out Koushirou’s laptop can fold like this... which, okay, shouldn’t surprise me, it just looks frigging weird...

me: DO YOU KNOW HOW TO USE A KEYBOARD???

koushirou: hush old lady, your first laptop was grayscale only and had Windows 3.1 installed.

Actual content relevant to the episode below...!

We had a promising start when last week’s episode ended on a cliffhanger... or a cliffdropper, I guess, because Mimi’s not hanging onto anything. She’s fallen down and landed on Palmon. Digimon can sure take a beating.

Palmon reaches to see if she can hoist them back up, but...

... it’s too high! Oh well, no choice but to travel on foot. Good thing Mimi landed on Palmon!

Meanwhile, above, Taichi and Koushirou turn to his computer for help. Unfortunately they have some technical difficulties.

Koushirou: Noooo, not the swirling of doom!! My immortal nemesis...

Even Taichi understands that buffering spells death. He’s a 21st century kid, so he’s a little more savvy about computers than 99 Taichi, whose trusty recourse in these situations was "treat the machine like a Bop-It.”

Mimi discovers they are in a Digimon scrap heap. ;_; Good heavens. Apparently robot Digimon are unlike organic (??) Digimon same as robots are different from humans, so the way they die is not quite the same either.

Mimi feels sorry for these trashed creatures. She’s no cold-hearted corporate goon who looks at these guys and just sees dollars. She notices the heart!

She also just wiped that rusty Guardromon’s helmet with her bare hand...

Mimi: Where’s Sora-san when I need a towel!!

Andromon makes his 2020 debut! And he���s just as much the pawn of evil as ever!

Boxing Cactus Go-go-go!!

Togemon gets her prickly hiney owned, but the Guardromon suddenly reanimates and protects her instead. His big strategy is “drop something heavy on Andromon and run away.” It’s super effective.

Who wants to translate the digicode, because I’m not gonna. Ten bucks says it’s something like “target human child exterminate” yadda yadda

When Koushirou’s computer fails, we must rely on our physical skills. Their big plan is “climb down the bottomless pit after Mimi.” There are a few things wrong with this picture:

1) Even if they know how deep the hole is, IT’S STILL QUITE A FALL. Make one wrong move and you’ll be useless to Mimi T_T And these idiots make plenty of wrong moves.

2) If there were handholds like these, why couldn’t Palmon have just grabbed them with her vines and carried Mimi up? Instead she was like, “Nah, can’t reach the top, let’s walk in a random direction and hope things work out!”

3) The Guardromon is taking Mimi to an elevator. Meaning there is a working elevator, meaning there is a way down that would significantly decrease their chances of DYING on the way. Koushirou’s computer can’t figure that out? Also I was expecting some hijinks there... like, they finally make it down only for Mimi to say “Why didn’t you just take the elevator like I did? Boys are weird.”

In his defense, Koushirou’s method of descent is worlds better than Taichi’s.

Hate to say I told you so...

Guardromon takes Mimi to some suspicious water which she uses to nurse Palmon... with a towel

Guardromon presents Sheeta Mimi with a flower to convey that he likes killing pretty delicate things :) run Mimi

The Laputa vibe... it is vibing.

We cut away to Yamato/Sora/Jou for thirty seconds just to point how much Better they’re doing than Taichi’s group. They’ve even realized how that basket was, who needs to put in all that work when we can all fit comfortably on a log! Sora and Yamato flirt. Jou’s going to be sick.

Taichi and Koushirou encounter some broken Solarmon who are being controlled by Soundbirdmon, so I guess it’s official now that we can’t believe any Digimon is truly evil if Soundbirdmon is around. Koushirou goes to help Mimi while Taichi stays behind to fend off these gears. Uh, is it just me or does this team seem very quick to split up.

I like the way Guardrmon cradles Mimi so all we can see is her shocked expression.

Guardromon tries his tried and true method of shooting down something heavy to crush Andromon...

... but Andromon’s like “hah! Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me!” and knocks it away. Not very effective...

Guardromon’s guarded his last mon... he starts to go... offline I guess...

In sweeps Kabuterimon to the rescue. In 99 Adventure, he’d have something witty to say, or at least a pun. 2020 Kabuterimon mostly likes to make weird noises. I understand why Agumon and Gabumon’s VA’s were calling him a “weirder uncle than ever” at Digifes...

Obligatory Best Boy cap

Hell Approacheth

Wow!!! Taichi finally got knocked off Greymon! He must have forgot to put on his suction cup shoes today!

So this entire episode, I was wondering what was to stop MetalGreymon from happening and stealing the show from Lillymon. I expected “Agumon just evolved recently and doesn’t have the juice to do it again so soon!” or some such. Nothing more than that. But, nah, we don’t even get that... MetalGreymon happens and he just... can’t... beat Andromon? For some reason? I’m going with “Because he’s Andromon.” Afterward, this very heavy structure falls down and MetalGreymon has lift it a la Atlas to keep Taichi from getting squished, so he can’t continue to beat on Andromon.

... Of course, Togemon gets stuck holding this thing up too... so there’s that...

The reason, of course, is so Guardromon can make one last action surge, grabbing Andromon’s leg, which works, randomly. At least for a moment.

Mimi spends most of this episode being Shocked.

Guardromon takes one final, grainy look at Mimi as he prepares for sweet death. The digicode says “Sheeta.” (kidding like I’d bother to translate it lol)

Andromon RUDELY stomps on his head. Like HELLO Andromon can you not see the dude is having a moment here? Show some respect!

Mimi sheds a Single Emo Tear

Which causes “Your sorrow made me evolve!” Lillymon. She immediately flies out to attack Andromon, leaving MetalGreymon alone holding the heavy metal structure, which promptly crushes him and our heroes. Game Over!

just kidding, the structure just vanishes I guess :/ It’s not very clear...

High kick attack!

It’s not very effective...

Lillymon does seem to have an ability that MetalGreymon doesn’t which cinches her victory over Andromon... her rain of petals interfere with his ability to lock on to a target. Too much organic matter everywhere I guess.

Lillymon covers Andromon in plants rendering him immobile...

... *cough*

Poor Mimi’s had a hard day of watching robots die.

Her affinity for marking graves returns as she leaves the flower Guardromon gave her on his corpse(?).

Taichi looks only sadly as Koushirou explains that Andromon and Guardromon were totes besties, until Soundbirdmon started mindcontrolling everyone. Gee that seems like something that could have been an interesting plot point had it been mentioned y’know earlier.

In sum... yeah, this ep just isn’t fun. There’s no friend moments, no getting to know each other, everything takes a backseat to this robot-protect-girl storyline. I really did like Guardromon, but the episode takes itself way too seriously in my opinion.

That aside... I was happy that Mimi’s episode didn’t involve stinky ugly Digimon falling in love and stalking her so she can passionately reject them. I can live without both of those things.

Mimi having the ability to project feelings onto supposedly nonfeeling things is a very Mimi-like character trait for her and one that I really truly love. It’ll definitely come in handy in the digital world where all is never how it seems. On the other hand, though, it’s not like it’s a trait we didn’t have already... it just belonged mainly to Hikari :P So... yeah.

Next week we’re going to get Garudamon, in a way that looks like it will pale compared to our first meeting with Garudamon in 99 Adventure, BUT that’s okay... because we’ve got plenty of time for the Big Important things to happen, both on a plot level and on a character development level. I am a little wtf??? about everyone getting not one but two evolutions within the same adventure - assuming the kids are going to go home at some point and finally put Tokyo out of its misery. I’d expected this show would be more like 02 with the kids jumping in and out, but tbh I’m not gonna be sad if they just stay in the digital world indefinitely. Also, it’s not like Taichi didn’t get both an evolution and a jogress the first time he came to the digital plane, so obviously things are just working differently in this show!

But as it’ll be a Sora episode, I just hope it’s an improvement on the last Sora episode. There’s plenty of potential following the mini tiff between her and Yamato last week, so i hope we see some follow up to that. Maybe a couple Sorato moments. We didn’t get anything for Taishiro this week :( But since it looks like probably next week the groups are still separated, perhaps the week after we’ll get MegaKabuterimon and see more interaction between Taichi and Koushirou then. *shrug* A girl can dream!

Anyway this ep gets 5.5/10 from me!

#digimon adventure 2020 #digimon adventure reboot #digimon psi #psi spoilers #fizz watches digimon 2020 #digimon

[freddiesaysalright]

The Most Dramatic Season Ever - Week 4

Summary:  It’s your time now! You are ABC’s new Bachelorette and this is your journey! All these men (including our fav BoRhap boys and then some) are competing for your heart! Will you find love? Will you get engaged at the end? Or will you end up heartbroken? Find out, on the most dramatic season ever!

Word Count: 9.5k 

Tag List: @psychosupernatural​, @someone-get-a-medic​, @bensrhapsody​, @deakyclicks​, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession​, @minigranger​, @crazyweirdocalledfriday​, @the-moving-finger-writes​, @assembledherethevolunteers​, @rose-writes-prose​, @queenlover05​, @moon-stars-soul​, @danadeacon​, @deacyblues​, @thesundrop​, @cupidben​, @lostlittlenerd​, @delilahmay39​, @timmvrphy​, @queenmylovely​, @loveandbeloved29​, @free-pool-trash​, @fairestkillerqueenofall​, @local-troubled-writer​, @babyalienfairy​, @littlecarowrites​, @allthethingsicant​, @im-an-adult-ish​, @mirkwoodshewolf​, @squishy-gay-astronaut​, @sherlollydramoine​, @butlegendsneverdie​, @dogmom2014​ If you’d like to be added, let me know!

A/N: Alright, we are halfway through the season! The drama continues this week on The Bachelorette! 

Warning(s): None

Night 1  Week 1  Week 2  Week 3

Week 4 here we go!!!

London was beautiful. You had never been before, so you were eager to explore somewhere new. Plus, you knew several of the guys would be familiar with it. This was an opportunity to see their world. And that was exactly what you planned to do.

The men settled into their hotel suite. It was a large, airy place, with a wide balcony overlooking the city. Then men all gathered on the balcony to take in the view.

“I’ve never seen Big Ben before,” said Mike. “Except in pictures.”

“What are you talking about?” Joe teased. “He’s right here.”

He pointed to Ben, who laughed. “That’s a much bigger Ben than I am.”

Joe then wrapped his arms around Ben in a bear hug. “Well, we’ve got the best Ben.”

“That, we do,” agreed Gwilym, who reached out and pinched Ben’s cheek. 

Ben laughed more and flushed. Then all the guys gathered in a group hug. 

Of course, Luke was not with them. He was inside, journaling by himself. After everything that happened, he avoided the other men, and they avoided him right back. So, he missed out on the bond that had formed between the rest of them. Despite all competing for the same woman, they had become solid friends.

When there was a knock on the door for the date card, Mike went to go get it. Everyone watched the hallway anxiously. Then, they all heard him release a delighted cry. They exchanged confused looks. Mike returned without a date card, but with something much better. You.

They all cheered when they saw you and engulfed you in a warm group hug. Then they all settled back onto the couches so you could catch your breath.

“Welcome to London, guys,” you said, scanning their faces. “I’m really, really happy with the group that’s still here, and I hope that we can just continue this crazy journey all together.”

“How are you enjoying it?” Taron asked.

“Well, I haven’t gotten to see much, but so far, I love London,” you said. “In fact, I came here today for someone to explore it with me.”

They all watched you, hoping you would say their own names.

“Gwilym,” you said, finding his eyes. “Would you like to go on a date with me?”

“I’d be honored,” he replied, getting to his feet.

You smiled and followed suit, holding out your hand to him. You could see the disappointment on some of the other men’s faces, but you were relieved that they also seemed genuinely happy for Gwilym. Maybe you really could leave all the drama behind. 

You and Gwilym waved goodbye and headed out the door. You went out on the streets of London hand in hand.

“I’m gonna let you take the lead here,” you told him. “You live here, right?”

“I do,” he chuckled. “I’m not originally from London, but I live here now.”

“Well, show me around, stud!” you urged.

He laughed again and you were off. Gwilym walked you around almost everywhere that was nearby. He was knowledgeable about the history of everything too. That was one of the most attractive things about Gwilym to you. He was so well-read and intelligent. But it never came off as condescending. He was still incredibly kind and humble as well.

You stopped inside a pub to eat and grab a drink after all the walking. You ordered fish and chips because that’s what you’d always heard in the movies. Gwilym laughed beside you and kissed you on the cheek.

You each had a beer as you waited for the food.

“So,” you said as you sipped. “How are you since we last talked?”

“Very well,” he answered. “I’m excited to be getting to know you better and see where we go from here.”

“I’m excited too,” you said. “Every time I think about our connection, I always feel hopeful.”

“Hopeful?” he questioned.

“Yeah,” you said. “Since you told me your story, I feel like you’re the most hopeful person in the world. What you went through was...unbelievably sad. And yet, you’re still here, looking for love, pursuing it wholeheartedly. It makes me hopeful too.”

He smiled sadly at the glass in front of him.

“I’m flattered by your admiration,” he said. “Losing her - especially the way I did - was the most difficult thing I’ve ever been through. We actually moved to London together from our little town, so coming here with you really is like a fresh start. It’s making me feel like I’m re-discovering it.”

“Is that a good feeling or a bad one?” you asked.

“It’s bittersweet,” he said. “I feel like sometimes, I still miss her so much, and it still hurts like an open wound. And other times I feel like I’m fine.”

“That’s sort of how grief works,” you told him. “Moving on from something like that isn’t a linear projection until you’re over it. You have setbacks. You’re still allowed to be sad and confused sometimes.”

 “You’re right,” he agreed. “I guess what I’m trying to say is...despite all of what happened and all the hurt, you have made me hopeful. What I’m feeling for you is something so good that I fully believe that love can happen for me again.”

A smile spread slowly across your face as he spoke. You leaned over and kissed him sweetly, conveying your absolute adoration of that sentiment. Gwilym was so deserving of love, and you wanted to show him that.

Your food came, and you split the plate between you. It tasted amazing, and as you ate the fries, an idea came to you.

“How good is your eye-mouth coordination?” you asked.

He blinked. “My what?”

You giggled. “Like, if I toss you some fries, can you catch them in your mouth?”

“Depends on how well you throw them,” he retorted. “The real question should be how good is your aim?”

“Oh?” you returned, raising a challenging eyebrow.

“Yes,” he said. “And since we are in the UK, they’re chips. Not fries.”

You snatched one off the plate and tossed it at him, hitting him square in the nose.

“Looks like my aim is pretty good there, chief,” you teased.

You threw another, and this time he caught it in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed.

“Okay, we make a pretty good team,” he said through a laugh.

You threw a few more to him, and he caught most. However, when he threw them to you, your catching abilities were abysmal. You blamed it on Gwilym’s arm, and he let you. 

It felt really good to sit and laugh with him. You felt like many of your conversations with Gwil were so serious. So to be lighthearted and goof around with him showed you another side of him. A side you were glad existed.

After lunch, you continued to walk around a bit. Then Gwilym stopped at an intersection, tugging your hand to stop you from crossing the street. You shot him a quizzical look.

“Gwil?”

“If we turn right here,” he said. “We can get to my flat in five minutes. I’m not presuming anything by asking this, but would you like to come over and see it?”

You looked down so he wouldn’t see the deep blush creeping up in your cheeks. On any other date, this would have implied sex, but you two were on camera, being followed by a whole crew. You weren’t embarrassed by that. You were embarrassed that you were disappointed they were there. You were really attracted to Gwilym, and would not have turned down that invitation outside of this. 

Actually, you weren’t going to turn it down either way.

“Yeah, let’s go,” you said, looking back up at him.

“Great,” he replied with a grin.

God, he was handsome.

Gwilym’s place was humble and cozy. He opened the door and allowed you inside, and you felt like he had just done the same with his heart. Everything about this place screamed “Gwilym Lee.” You walked through the front and into the sitting room, which had aged leather furniture and warm lamplight. The kitchen was smaller than what you were used to in the US, with a vintage look. It was also strictly practical. 

Gwilym also had books everywhere. There was a half shelf in the sitting room beside the fireplace. A corner of the kitchen counter was dedicated to recipe books. They were also randomly on whatever surfaces he had set them down on while reading. You pictured him walking around, nose to the pages, glasses on, focused.

He had few decorations, but there were plenty of pictures. Some of his family and friends. But the majority appeared to be of him with his students. Gwilym was a literature professor, and he was clearly dedicated to his work.

“Would you like to see upstairs?” he offered. “There’s something really special up there I’d like to show you.”

“Please,” you said.

You followed him up the wooden staircase to the second floor. There were only a few rooms up here. Gwilym’s bedroom, a guest bedroom, a hallway bathroom, and one more door at the end of the hall. That was where he led you.

He opened the door, and you gasped at the side. Across each wall, floor to ceiling - bookshelves. Fully stocked, too. There were thick, leather bound reference books. Paperback novels. Limited edition classics. Everything you could imagine for a personal collection.

“This is my library,” he said, looking between the shelves and your face.

You wondered if you looked stupid with your mouth hanging open. Gwilym’s eyes shone as he gazed at you. How beautiful you were to him in this moment was beyond words.

“Gwil, this is incredible!” you cried. “Your very own library!”

He smiled. “Take a look around, see what you like!”

You went to the first shelf to your right and extracted a worn-looking book. The spine was damaged so you couldn’t read the title until you opened it.

“Anna Karenina,” you read.

“Ah, that’s quite a special one,” he said. “Very close to my heart. It’s my grandmother’s copy. If you look at the publication date, you’ll see why it’s so special.”

Your eyes scanned the page until you found it.

“1890?!” you gasped.

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “She inherited it from her great-aunt. Because I collect so many books, she left it to me.”

“That’s amazing,” you said.

“Have you ever read it?” he asked.

“I have,” you said. “It’s a tragic story, but one of my favorite classics. This is a real treasure.”

“It is,” he agreed as you returned it to the shelf.

“You’re free to keep looking, if you like,” he offered.

You did. You perused the shelves and spotted another favorite.

“Oh, Summer of Katya!” you said. “I loved this book!”

“Another tragedy,” he said. 

“Yeah, but what a wild ride,” you replied. “That plot twist had me shook for days.”

“Me as well,” he said. “A great story.”

“So, how many of these books have you actually read?” you wondered as you set Summer of Katya back.

“All of them.”

Your mouth fell open again.

“All of them?”

“All of them,” he laughed. 

“That would take me the rest of my life!” you cried looking around again.

Gwilym watched you as you walked along the shelves, and you stopped to talk about a few more things. A small smile claimed his lips. You stopped talking and met his gaze.

“What?” you wondered. “What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing,” he said with a shrug. “It’s just...you sort of seem to belong here in my home.”

You beamed. “I like feeling like I belong to the things you love, Gwilym.”

He held out his hand, which you took. With it, he pulled you into his arms and kissed the top of your head. You sort of felt like you belonged there too. Maybe you could. And maybe spend much of your life in this room, picking out what to read next before crawling into bed beside your husband. That would be a rather heavenly way to live.

For the evening portion of your date, you and Gwil met at a bar right on the River Thames. Like usual, it was reserved for just the two of you to enjoy your date. You sat down together and you smiled at him before making a small toast.

After you each had a bit of your drinks, you took his hand.

“I really had a great time with you today,” you said. “I feel like, so balanced with you. We can be serious, we can laugh together, and we can have intellectual discussions too. I feel like I can be every part of myself around you.”

“I’m relieved,” he told you. “And I feel the same. I haven’t struggled in opening up to you, and that's really nice.”

“Can I admit something to you?” you asked.

“In the spirit of such honesty, I’d be surprised if you didn’t,” he teased.

You chuckled and glanced down at your lap before looking back at him.

“When you first told me you’re a professor, I was really intimidated by you,” you said.

“Intimidated by me?” he questioned.

“I was nervous that you were going to think that I’m dumb,” you said.

He pursed his mouth in confusion. “W...why would I think that?”

“Because I feel like…” you trailed off. “I dunno, I’m not the most well-read person in the world, and I enjoy things that in the academic world might seem frivolous or silly. I try to keep up with current events, but I get distracted, and I think that all of that put together I -”

“Hold on,” he cut across you. “Y/N, none of that amounts to intelligence. You don’t have to read every book in my library or know every detail of Brexit to convince me that you’re smart. You are smart. A lot smarter than me in many ways.”

“Thank you,” you said, blushing.

“Can I ask you something?” he wondered.

“Of course.”

“Who told you that you’re dumb?”

You blinked, unsure how to answer him.

“Hardly anybody thinks they’re dumb on their own,” he went on. “Which leads me to believe that somebody, somewhere convinced you of it.”

You blinked again, this time to get rid of the tears welling up in your eyes.

“I...I, uh, had an ex who said that to me a lot,” you answered at last. “Anytime I disagreed with him or tried to address something he’d done to upset me, he told me I was being stupid, or that I didn’t understand anything. So, I kind of just became convinced that I wasn’t very smart.”

“Let me tell you what I see,” he said. “In all my conversations with you, I’ve found you to be not only extremely clever, but also funny, kind, and giving. In fact, my admiration has grown so much that I can finally say…” he trailed off.

You had been forming a smile as he spoke, but when he hesitated, it faltered.

“Say what?” you pressed.

“Y/N, I’m falling in love with you,” he said. “It seems unbelievable that it should happen so fast. But you are exactly the kind of girl I’d like to be with for the rest of my life.”

You smiled so wide, you thought your face might crack. Then you leaned over and took his face in your hands to kiss him. 

“Gwilym, I’m so happy to hear you say that,” you told him when you parted. “I feel like we’re really progressing. And I don’t want to stop.” You reached across the table and picked up the rose that was waiting there. “So, Gwilym. Will you accept this rose?”

“You know I will,” he replied, kissing you again.

Gwilym was very much a gentleman when he kissed you. It was slightly reserved, but with enough passion for you to feel how much he wanted to do more. Each move was thoughtful and considerate, just like him.

Gwilym: I really am falling for Y/N. I hate that she’s been with such terrible men in the past. She deserves so much more. I’d like to give her that.

You pinned the rose to his jacket and then you grinned at each other.

“You ready to go?” you asked.

“Go where?” he wondered.

“One of the most iconic places in London,” you said.

You offered your hand. He took it and followed you out. You walked together down the street until you reached it. The London Eye.

“Oh, God,” he sighed. “We’re really doing this?”

“Yes!” you insisted.

You had a whole pod reserved for the two of you. You were excited as you went up, but the higher you got, you also grew nervous. You clutched Gwilym’s hand.

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re frightened,” he teased. “You went bungee jumping in the mountains!”

“I was scared of that too!” you returned. 

“Come here, cariad,” he said gently, pulling you into his arms once again.

You leaned on him and looked out over the city. The sight was breathtaking. All the lights from the buildings looked like stars. The way they reflected off the river was stunning. You felt like you were looking down from outer space or something.

“This view is beautiful,” you said.

“I like mine better,” he replied.

You faced him and saw that his his eyes were fixed on you instead of London. 

“Smooth,” you giggled.

“Kiss me,” he breathed.

You did. This kiss was different. It was deeper, more intentional, more open than your kisses before. Gwilym was fully giving himself to you and this process. To accent your joy perfectly, a fireworks show began over the river. You hardly noticed their colors or the sounds. Everything was just you and Gwilym.

Back at the house, the men were waiting for a date card. A few guys were bemoaning not being with you right now, but were holding out hope for a one on one. When there was a knock at the door, Richard went to fetch it. He returned with a card.

“It’s a group date,” he said. “Joe, Rami, Allen, Taron, Richard, Mike, and Kenny. Are you ready to meet Her Majesty? Ayyyy-yo! Y/N.”

“Ay-yo?” questioned Allen.

“What, like Freddie Mercury?” suggested Rami.

“What would Freddie Mercury have to do with a date, though?” Taron wondered.

“We’ll figure that out tomorrow,” said Mike. “With all of us on this date, that means…”

“Me and Luke are left,” Ben said with a heavy sigh. “It’s gonna be a two on one.”

A two on one meant a lot of risk because at least one of the people on it would be sent home on the date. It made Ben nervous because even though Luke’s behavior was atrocious, you kept him around, so there had to be a real connection there. Also, he was still angry at Luke for starting that stupid drama in the first place.

“I’m not worried,” Luke said. “Y/N and I have overcome a lot and I think that makes for a strong foundation.”

Ben rolled his eyes. “Whatever, man. Just don’t tell her any more sh*t you’ve made up about me.”

“I didn’t make anything up,” Luke returned. “I heard what I heard.”

“You didn’t hear anything because I. Never. Said. It.” Ben shot back.

“Neither did I,” Joe added. “But let’s leave this in the past, okay? All any of us can do is focus on our own relationships with her.”

Luke and Ben glowered at each other a moment longer before looking away.

The next day, everyone but Gwilym, Ben, and Luke, got on a bus and headed out from the hotel. Mike, Kenny, and Joe had never been to London before, so they were in awe of the city as they made their way to the unknown destination.

Taron: I feel terrible for Ben and what he’s going to face tomorrow, but I’m also really glad Luke isn’t here to ruin the group date again. Those of us here are actually decent blokes, so I think it’ll be a fun day.

“Is that Wembley Stadium?” Joe wondered, pointing in the direction the bus was heading.

“It is,” said Richard.

The group exchanged apprehensive looks as they were dropped off at the legendary arena and escorted into it.

Inside, on the field, was a stage setup. You stood center stage, smiling at the men. You were wearing all white - a white v-neck tank top, and white pants with a red and yellow racing stripe up the sides, belted at the waist. You also donned a yellow, military style leather jacket. 

“Hello, gentlemen!” you greeted as they climbed up the stairs to join you. “Welcome to Wembley Stadium! How many of y’all have been here before?”

Taron, Richard, Allen, and Rami raised their hands. Joe, Mike, and Kenny did not. They were also the ones still looking around, while the others stayed focused on you.

“Well, surely you all know about the legendary concert that took place here in 1985, Live Aid,” you said, and they nodded. “And I’m sure you know which act stole the show.”

“Queen,” said Rami.

“Yep!” you confirmed. “So we’re gonna have some fun today. You’re all going to be dressed like Freddie Mercury and give me your best Live Aid performance.”

Their eyes widened as they looked at you, and you bit back a laugh.

“Don’t worry, you’ll be lip-syncing,” you assured them. “There also won’t be an audience. The person who does the best job gets to talk to me first at the cocktail party tonight.”

“Will you be the judge?” Taron asked.

“Actually, I won’t, I’m just enjoying the show,” you said. “The judges are some very special people who are quite familiar with Freddie.”

“Oh my God…” Rami said under his breath.

You smirked. “Guys, please welcome Queen and Adam Lambert!”

The guys clapped as Brian May, Roger Taylor, and Adam Lambert emerged onto the stage. They first hugged you and then turned to face the men.

Richard: I can’t believe this...it’s f***ing Queen! We’re on a date with Queen! I mean - we’re on a date with Y/N - but Queen is there! I’m blown away right now!

“Hullo, guys,” said Brian with a gentle wave. “We just wanted to let you all know - don’t be nervous. This is meant to be something fun to show Y/N you can come out of your shell a bit.”

“Yes, have fun,” Roger agreed. “Don’t be afraid to make an arse out of yourself. Freddie certainly wasn’t.”

Everyone chuckled.

“So, you guys have fifteen minutes to change and decide on one song from the Live Aid set you want to do,” Adam explained. “You can watch the clip of your choice as much as you want in that fifteen minutes.”

“The costumes are backstage,” you said. “You guys ready?”

They nodded at you. 

“Okay, fifteen minutes starts now!”

While the guys got changed and prepared, you and the band went around and checked up on them. You went over to Mike first, who was watching the video of Live Aid and scrubbing through it quickly.

“How’s it going?” you asked.

“Okay,” he replied. “I don’t really know any Queen songs, so I’m listening for something that sounds familiar.”

“You know We Will Rock You?” you wondered.

“I know those words of it,” he laughed.

You giggled. “Well, I’d go for that one, then. It’s second to last.”

“Thank you,” he sighed.

You looked over and saw Rami chatting with Brian. Richard was talking to Roger, and Allen and Kenny were talking to Adam. Everyone was in the iconic white tank top and light wash jeans. They also had the studded armband and mustache. You went over to Taron next.

“How’re you feeling?” you asked. 

“I know what song I’ll do,” he told you. “Bohemian Rhapsody. That way I can sit behind a piano for most of it.”

“Nice,” you chuckled. “You play, right?”

“I do,” he said. “Although, as you learned on our Disney date, I’m much more of an Elton John man than Queen. Don’t get me wrong, I adore them, but Elton is more my style.”

“I’d love to hear you play some Elton for me sometime,” you said. “But honestly, now is the time to get out of your comfort zone and show me your edge, Taron.”

“I’ll do anything for you, love,” he replied with a grin.

Then you headed over to Rami.

“Hey, sweetie,” you said as he pulled you into a hug.

When you parted, you had to take a moment. Rami really looked like Freddie for a split second. With the mustache and the clothes...he had even styled his hair. He was getting really into this.

“Woah, you look great!” you said.

“Thanks,” he returned. “I’m really excited for this.”

“I know you’re an actor, so you’re not too worried,” you joked. “Which song did you pick?”

“Radio GaGa,” he told you. 

“Good choice,” you praised.

You chatted with Rami for another moment before moving on to Richard.

“Just be grateful we picked Live Aid and not one of our shows from the seventies,” Roger was saying as you approached. “You’d all be in leotards.”

“I dunno, I think I could make it work,” Richard returned with a chuckle.

“I definitely think you could make it work,” you agreed. “How’s it going over here?”

“Pretty good,” Richard said. “I know what I’m going to do.”

“Awesome!” you said. “You a big Queen fan?”

“Massive Queen fan,” he told you. “This is kind of a dream for me.”

“I think you’ve found your man, Y/N,” Roger teased. “This one’s clearly got the best taste.”

You laughed.

The fifteen minutes went by more quickly than you anticipated, but most of the guys seemed ready. There were a few nerves you could feel, but they weren’t too bad. Kenny was up first.

Kenny did “We Are the Champions” and he was pretty good. He clearly knew the words, but he was also nervous and shy. You found that surprising since he was a pro wrestler and part of his act was to put on a bit of a show. You cut him some slack, though. This was out of his element.

Taron was second, and he was better. His performance did come out more like Elton than like Freddie, but he was really feeling the music. You could tell he had wanted to play and sing himself, so he was holding back a little bit.

Mike was third. He did “We Will Rock You” and had a lot of energy, but it was more his own than like Freddie. You didn’t mind, since you liked Mike’s style, but it didn’t bode well for him as far as the competition went. 

Allen was fourth, and he did “Hammer to Fall.” So far, he came the closest to looking like Freddie up on stage. He was upbeat and had obviously studied the movements. The only problem was that it came off a little too rehearsed.

Richard went next. He had the same idea as Taron to do “Bohemian Rhapsody” so he wouldn’t have to move around so much. He was even more reserved than Taron. Evidently, he was not much of a performer at all, despite how much he loved the music.

Joe was sixth. He did “Crazy Little Thing Called Love.” It was similar in idea to Taron and Richard, because he got to use an instrument. Joe could actually play guitar, so he mimed it well. Like Mike, he was more Joe than Freddie. Joe wasn’t a shy person at all, so he was still  entertaining.

Finally, it was Rami. From the first notes of “Radio GaGa,” you could tell there was something different about Rami’s performance. Every move, every step, every turn was intentional, but looked effortlessly Freddie. It took you off guard. Rami looked the most like Freddie, and with this performance, you were convinced he had a spiritual connection to the man. You looked over at Brian and Roger. Brian had tears in his eyes. Roger was closing his mouth just as you looked. They saw it too. Adam placed a comforting hand on each of their shoulders.

When Rami finished, the whole arena was deathly silent. All eyes were fixed on Rami, who stood breathless on stage, but looking proud. He also looked like...not Rami. That last note rang out, and for a moment, it was as if Freddie himself stood there.

Finally, Roger cleared his throat. 

“Well done,” he choked out. “We’ll just need a...a moment to uh, discuss.”

The band walked out of earshot for a moment and you approached Rami.

“I think you shook them up,” you said. “You certainly shook me up.”

He shot you a worried glance.

“In a good way,” you assured him. “Believe me, you were incredible.”

The band returned and appeared to have recovered from their shock.

“Everybody did a fine job,” Brian began. “Just remember to not be so shy. Show Y/N that you can open up and be yourself.”

“This really brought me back,” Roger added. “But one person in particular really captured Freddie’s spirit today.”

“And that person is Rami,” Adam announced. 

You let out a cheer and clapped for Rami, and the rest of the men joined you. You hugged him around the neck as you congratulated him.

“Thanks, Y/N,” he said bashfully.

“Congratulations, Rami,” Brian said. “Enjoy your time with Y/N first tonight, and remember to use it wisely.”

Everyone thanked the band for their part, and got autographs before they left. Then it was time for the evening portion of the date. It was still at Wembley, in a private box, which overlooked the field. The stage set up had been removed already, so it was returned to its sport ready look. It was still lit up in the darkness by the stadium lights.

You met the men in the box and gave a toast. Then, you took Rami by the hand and led him out. Also reserved for you was the next box over, so you could have private conversations. You and Rami went in there and sat down to chat.

“You were seriously amazing today,” you told him. “That was like, Oscar worthy.”

He chuckled. “I dunno about all that, but I definitely had fun. Freddie Mercury is pretty special to me.”

“Why’s that?” you wondered.

“Well, we sort have a lot in common,” he said. “We’re both kinda awkward brown boys from immigrant families, but with a lot of dreams.”

“I can see that,” you said. “You feel that strongly about acting?”

“I do,” he said. “I take it very seriously. I believe in myself, and I hope that someday I can be big enough to win an Oscar. I wanna be like Freddie, where kids who look like me can start believing that they can succeed too.”

You loved that idea and what it represented. The only thing for you was that actors were away a lot, and you wanted to raise a family. With a partner.

“How does that dream fall in with your desire to have a family?” you asked.

“Lots of actors have families,” he said. “I’m already settled in LA, where most of the jobs are, and that’s where I’d want to raise my family. And I’d work with my partner to make sure my schedule didn’t interfere with important things. I know it won’t be easy, but I am family oriented, and I know I can do both. But the last thing I wanna do is settle.”

“Settle?” you questioned.

“I mean, I don’t want to take some safe, nine-to-five job just because I want to get married and have a family,” he said. “I want to pursue my dreams so that my kids will have someone they can really be proud of. Someone who didn’t give up on his passion.”

You smiled. “I like that. You’re a very driven person, Rami, I hadn’t noticed that about you before.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re learning now,” he said. “I am driven and focused and there’s a lot I want out of life.”

You both paused to sip your drinks.

“What about you?” he said. “What are you passionate about?”

“I’m most passionate about family,” you said. “I didn’t really have those connections as a kid. My family isn’t very close. I want that unit, that strength that comes with being together.”

“That’s a beautiful sentiment,” he said. “Is there anything else?”

“Like what?” you wondered.

“Like hobbies,” he said. “Y/N, don’t you have interests besides that?”

“I read a lot,” you told him. “And I like fashion and beauty, but those are just normal girl things.”

“Are you kidding?” he returned. “There’s a lot there to go with. Do you ever design your own stuff?”

You blushed. “I...well, I do sort of have this dream of starting my own clothing label.”

“That’s awesome!” he said excitedly. “Tell me more!”

“Well, I’d want to use all recycled materials so we’re not being wasteful,” you said. “That way it’s like thrifting, but you’ll still get the latest styles. Everything would just be re-designed and…” you trailed off. “Sorry. It’s kind of a silly idea.”

“Not at all!” he insisted. “I think it’s a great idea. Environmentally friendly and everything. That’s amazing, Y/N. Don’t doubt yourself.”

“You certainly help me believe in it,” you replied, all embarrassment fading away at his enthusiasm. 

“I want to help you believe in yourself,” he said. “It’s important to me.”

“It is?”

“Yes, Y/N,” he said. “I want to be there for you. I’m falling in love with you and I want to help you see yourself through my eyes.”

Your heart skipped a beat. You grinned. 

“You’re falling in love with me?”

“More and more every day,” he assured you.

With that, he kissed you. Rami’s kisses were always deeply passionate and romantic. It made you feel like you two were on the cover of a romance novel or something. You felt like you were in your own romance novel because you were falling for Rami too. He was just so special.

Rami: I really am falling in love with Y/N. I can just see a wonderful future with her as my wife. She’s everything you could ever want.

After Rami, Joe wanted to see you. Your time with Joe went as well as it usually did. You laughed together a lot and discussed the date. He reassured you that he was falling for you. You were tempted to say it back, but hesitated. You felt strongly for Joe, but there was still more to explore there.

Allen pulled you after Joe. You were still holding back with Allen, and you felt that he was too. He had told you more of his story on your one on one, but since then, you hadn’t had a serious conversation. You didn’t feel uncomfortable around him or anything, but there was something more you wanted. Like he was only giving himself partially to this. You wanted him to give everything.

Richard came next. Similar to Allen, he held back from you. He had divulged even less information about himself. Less than any of the other men there. Richard was fun and easygoing, but you wanted him to dig deeper. He just wasn’t going there. You needed to find out why.

Taron followed after Richard. Taron was not afraid of giving his heart to you, and you could feel it ever since that one on one. Every time you spoke to him, the relationship moved forward, in the right direction. You always looked forward to your time with him, and today was no different.

There was a piano in the private box, and Taron made good on his promise to play for you. He began with “Your Song” by Elton John, one of your favorites. His voice was swoon-worthy, and you loved listening. Each time he sang, you pictured him in your house together, singing your kids to sleep or just serenading you before bed. He felt like home to you.

“Life really is wonderful with you in the world, Y/N,” he said as he finished. “It’s becoming pretty difficult to imagine my life without you in it.”

“That’s sweet,” you said. “I’d have a hard time without you, too.”

“Really, Y/N,” he said. “I’m falling in love with you. Hard.”

You met his gaze, heart racing with joy.

“I’m so happy you told me,” you whispered. “You’re amazing, Taron.”

He kissed you. Short and sweet because neither of you could stop smiling.

Mike and Kenny also made things difficult on you because they both told you they were falling in love as well. You felt like all of them deserved roses tonight, but you knew who you wanted the rose to go to. As you all gathered back in the original box, you picked it up off the table.

“Thank you all for an incredible day,” you said. “We got a bit of a rock concert and I got to see you all just have a good time. But I wanna give this rose to someone who really proved himself today. Who showed me something new and moved our relationship forward.”

You found Rami’s eyes.

“Rami, will you accept this rose?”

“I will,” he assured you, getting to his feet.

You pinned it to his jacket as he kissed your cheek. Then, you bid them all goodnight. You were still riding the high of the day when you remembered that the following day, you had your two on one with Ben and Luke.

The date card arrived for Ben and Luke while the rest of the men were at the cocktail party with you. Gwilym retrieved it and read it out loud.

“Ben and Luke,” he said. “I want us to grow. Love, Y/N.”

“Let’s just get this over with,” Ben groaned.

“What, eager to go home?” Luke taunted.

Ben rolled his eyes and went to his room for the night.

The next day, Ben and Luke each placed their luggage by the door. Whoever went home, the producers would come and take their luggage to the airport. The two men were driven by car to meet you in a lovely garden and park. Everything was blooming so it was the perfect time of year for a date like this. You just wished you weren’t dreading it so much. One of them was going home, but you felt like you needed time with both of them. Hopefully today would be enough.

“Hi, guys,” you greeted, trying to sound chipper as they hugged you one by one. “So today, we’re having a picnic in the park. It’s really beautiful here, so let’s have a good day, yeah?”

“O’course,” Ben agreed.

“Definitely,” Luke added.

“Okay, let’s go.”

You led them over the set up that was reserved for you. It was a small table with three chairs around it. You sat first - in between them - and then poured everyone a glass of champagne. The champagne was more for you, really. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife, and you needed to feel at ease. These two had such animosity between them.

“So, Luke, you wanna go talk?” you asked.

“Sure, yeah,” he agreed.

You walked around a hedge to another small table. You took a swig of your drink and then looked at him.

“So, I know you’re not over everything that happened in Asheville, and neither am I,” you said.

“No, I’m over it,” he protested. “Really, I’m not mad at you anymore. I wanna move on.”

“I wanna move on too,” you said. “But I feel like we have to talk about this because this is a disagreement on something fundamental, and I don’t think you understand that.”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Like, you were angry at me for taking off my clothes in front of Joe,” you said. “Because of your beliefs, you felt like it was disrespectful. I don’t know any other way to tell you that I don’t share those beliefs and you can’t force them on me.”

“I don’t want to force them on you,” he said. “But I think that you should be more aware of our feelings in this and behave - y’know - properly.”

That familiar anger stirred in the pit of your stomach.

“Okay, Luke, I behaved just fine -”

“Really?” he scoffed. “Getting naked in front of a guy on your first date with him is fine behavior?”

You could have screamed.

“Oh my God,” you sighed. “Let’s get one thing straight, okay? I can do whatever the hell I want. This is my journey, it’s my body, and whatever I decide to do with it is up to me and not subject to your approval.”

“Y/N, I’m just trying to help you,” he said gently. “I prayed about it, and I feel like my purpose here is to save you.”

“To save me?” you questioned.

“You’re being led astray by these other men,” he said. “But together, we can -”

“Okay, Luke, stop,” you said. “We’re not getting into theological arguments today. Clearly, it doesn’t matter to you that I don’t want to hear it. The other thing we need to address is why you lied about Joe and Ben.”

“I didn’t lie,” he insisted. “I know what I heard.”

“But none of the other guys heard it,” you reminded him. “And if they said it out loud, they said it to someone with ears, so they must have heard it. Just be honest and tell me why you did it.”

“I know I heard that conversation, Y/N,” he said firmly. “I’m not a liar.”

“So literally every other guy in that house is?” you challenged. 

“Y/N, please,” he begged. “I love you. I want this more than anything. And look at what we’ve overcome.”

“Luke, we haven’t overcome anything!” you cried. “We’re still working this out because you’re not being honest with me!”

“I’m telling you my truth!” he returned. 

A beat passed in uncomfortable silence.

“Do you believe me when I say that I love you?” he asked.

You held his gaze. Then you took a deep breath.

“No,” you said heavily.

He looked away, unable to form words.

Ben: I’m kind of nervous about today. She’s kept him around long enough for me to think there must really be something there that I’m not seeing. I just hope my connection with her is stronger.

You and Luke returned to where Ben was still waiting. Nothing else had been said. You grabbed Ben’s hand and led him away next, desperate for some relief. Luke made you feel like every step of this process was such a battle. Ben excited you, and you hoped he still did.

“How are you?” he asked.

“Okay,” you said. “I’m sorry to put you through this, I know it’s not easy.”

“No worries, love,” he said. “You’re worth all of this. Every part of this journey.”

You smiled, and you felt warmth returning to your body. You realized within seconds of talking to Ben that Luke made you feel cold and closed off. Ben made you feel warm and open. That was the feeling you were looking for.

“How are you?” you asked him.

“I’m perfect, now I’m with you,” he replied. “I’m not going to lie, watching the other guys going out with you throughout the week isn’t easy, but I’m here for the long haul. I’m ready to stick it out if it means you and me at the end.”

You leaned into his chest and hummed happily. He wrapped his arms around you. Then he pressed his lips to the top of your head. You felt cared for and respected.

“I can’t tell you how relieved I was that you believed me last week,” he said. “Knowing that you trust me, and you’re willing to hear from everyone, it makes me fall for you all the more. You’re fair and kind and patient. I dunno how you put up with the lot of us.”

You giggled and then looked up at him.

“Well, you’re all so handsome, it’s hard to stay mad at you,” you teased.

“I see,” he joked back. “You’re just in it for the eye candy.”

“Haven’t you heard?” you asked sarcastically. “I’m actually looking for a trophy husband.”

He chuckled. “It’s almost hard for me to joke about, since I actually like almost everyone.”

You smiled. “Really?”

“You’ve got a fantastic group here,” he said. “As heartbroken as I’d be if it’s not me and you, I know you’d be in good hands.”

“That’s so sweet, Ben,” you said. 

You felt such a soft affection for him in this moment. That comment made one thing abundantly clear to you: Ben wanted only what was best for you, whatever made you happiest, even if it wasn’t him. You wondered how he’d never been in love before, when he gave it so freely and selflessly. Your value to him did not hinge on your behavior with the other men.

You chatted with Ben a while longer, just trying to forget about what Luke had said. Plus, you liked Ben a lot and enjoyed talking to him. It was quickly becoming more than liking him, which scared you a little, but you knew he would be there to catch you once you fell. You were still teetering on the edge.

Your decision was made when you returned to where Luke waited. There was no need to give him any more chances. You didn’t trust him anymore, and you had such different beliefs, it never would work out. You sat down and picked up the rose.

“I’m gonna be perfectly honest and say that this was not a very difficult decision for me today,” you said. “So far, this has been the easiest decision I’ve made.”

You looked at Ben and decided to get right to it.

“Ben, will you accept this rose?”

You heard Luke suck in a soft breath as you and Ben stood up. You pinned the rose on him and hugged him tight. Then you looked at Luke.

“Can I walk you out?” you asked.

“Yeah, okay,” he said, still dazed.

“I’ll be right back,” you told Ben.

You and Luke walked together toward the car that was waiting to take him to the airport. Ben heaved a relieved sigh and sat back down with a wide grin on his face.

Back at the house, Joe was closest to the door when he heard it open. The producer was there to take the luggage.

“Guys!” Joe yelled. “It’s happening!”

The rest of the men rushed to the door to find out who it was. They watched with bated breath as the producer’s hand stretched out and grabbed Luke’s luggage. They all roared with delight and began jumping and hugging each other as the door closed again. Luke was leaving at last!

“Hold on, let me get champagne!” Gwilym cried, jogging to the kitchen.

They all followed him, still laughing and congratulating each other. Gwilym handed out the glasses and Joe stood on the counter to make a toast.

“To Ben,” he said. “For getting that f***er out of here at last.”

“To Ben!” the others echoed before taking a drink.

“And to Y/N,” Rami said. “For making the right choice.”

“Y/N!” they cried, and they all downed their drinks.

Back on the date, you walked Luke to the black van waiting for him. You stood outside the door to let him say something. 

“I just…” he trailed off. “I don’t understand.”

“I’m sorry, Luke,” you said. “We’re just too different. We have different beliefs, different values. And we couldn’t move past those things.”

“But I love you,” he said.

You shook your head. “I don’t think you do. I think you love the woman that you want me to be. The version of me that you created who does take part in your faith and share that with you. But that’s not who I am.”

“I…” he lost words again.

“I really am sorry,” you said. “I hope you find that person.”

“Thanks,” he said dully.

You opened the door for him. He slid into the seat. You closed the door and watched the car pull away. You were certain you had done the right thing. Luke was so wrong for you in so many ways. But you meant what you said. You were sure that girl was out there somewhere for him. But he was not for you.

You hurried back to Ben and leapt into his arms when you saw him. You kissed him as you wrapped your legs around his waist.

“It’s just you and me tonight, baby!” you cried. 

“Thank God!” he returned.

That night, you and Ben went to a fine restaurant and had a wonderful dinner. It was similar to your one on one, where the conversation flowed. You talked about serious things and lighthearted things. Neither of you brought up Luke again. Ben looked as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

After dinner, you walked around nearby and saw a street performer playing the cello. The melody was soaring and beautiful. Ben spun you into his arms and began to sway with you. You wrapped your arms around his neck and stood with him, heart full. He opened his eyes to meet yours.

“Y/N, I’m falling in love with you,” he said simply.

You saw how much he meant it in those beautiful green eyes of his. Tears welled up in yours. You were no longer teetering. You slipped right off the edge.

“I’m falling in love with you too,” you returned, without thinking.

You were not supposed to say “love” to anyone but the person you got engaged to, but you didn’t feel bad about breaking the rules for Ben. He had shown you today how much you meant to him. And he meant that much to you too. If you weren’t with him at the end of this, you wished only for him to have a happy and fulfilling life. You genuinely hoped he was at the end of this though because you weren’t ready to let him go. You weren’t sure you ever would be.

The following day, you once again decided to cancel the cocktail party. You knew where your heart was, and you didn’t want to drag out the whole night when your mind was made up. So when you arrived at the hotel, you were ready.

The hotel had a lovely ballroom on the first floor where you were having the rose ceremony. You walked in and forced a smile. This was going to be a pretty tough one. Two men would be leaving that you really liked.

“Sorry again for the cocktail party,” you said. “But I really am just trying to follow my heart.”

You waited a beat before picking up the first rose. There were only four.

“Joe,” you called.

He walked forward proudly.

“Joe, will you accept this rose?”

“I will.”

He returned to the group. You picked up the next rose.

“Taron,” you said.

He beamed at you and jogged up.

“Taron, will you accept this rose?” you asked with a smile, since his was contagious. 

“Of course.”

You pinned it on him and he walked back over. You saw Richard take a deep breath.

“Richard,” you said.

He exhaled before walking over.

“Richard, will you accept this rose?”

“Always.”

As Richard returned to the group, Chris Harrison walked out.

“Y/N, gentlemen,” he said. “This is the final rose tonight. When you’re ready, Y/N.”

You picked up the rose. You found the man you wanted to give it to.

“Allen,” you said.

You saw the relief wash over him as he approached you.

“Allen, will you accept this rose?”

“I certainly will,” he assured you.

He walked back over to the group. Mike and Kenny looked dejected, and you understood why. It was never easy.

“Kenny, Mike, I’m sorry,” Chris said. “Take a moment, say your goodbyes.”

They took a while to say goodbye to the guys, which did sort of make you feel good. You liked that the remaining men were friends.

Kenny came up to you first.

“I’m sorry,” you said, suddenly choking on the words. You weren’t sure when the tears started. “You deserve so much -”

“Don’t, Y/N,” he said gently. “It was a pleasure getting to know you.”

You nodded and he pulled you into a hug. 

“You’re gonna be amazing,” he whispered to you.

With that, he left and headed to the car waiting for him. Mike came up next. You actually sobbed. Mike was such a wonderful man, and you hated that you weren’t there with him.

“I’m so sorry,” you sniffled.

“It’s okay,” he assured you with a smile. “You’re beautiful and strong, okay? I know you’ll find your happiness.”

“You will too,” you replied softly.

He reached over to wipe away a tear with his thumb.

“Good luck, Y/N.”

He too, departed.

The remaining men moved forward to engulf you in a group hug. While you were sure of the decisions you had made, you hated to hurt people, and both Kenny and Mike had told you they were falling for you. But you couldn’t get there with them, and it was terrible. They were great guys. You just knew they weren’t right for you.

“So,” you said, fanning your face a bit. “Next, we’re going to -”

“Y/N!” someone bellowed from the lobby of the hotel.

Your brow furrowed. 

“Is that…” you trailed off, eyes going wide with horror.

Then he appeared in the doorway of the ballroom.

“Luke!” you cried. “What are you doing here?!”

“I’m not giving up on us,” he said, marching toward you.

His body language looked dangerous. Joe was closest to you and you reached for him. He immediately caught on and wrapped his arms around you, placing himself between you and Luke.

The other men stood in front of the two of you, not allowing Luke any closer.

“She sent you home, Luke,” said Richard darkly. “You can’t be here.”

“I just wanna talk, Y/N,” Luke said, ignoring Richard and trying to look around him. “Y/N, please! I just wanna work this out!”

“Well, I don’t!” you returned. “Just go!”

“I know there’s something here!” he insisted. “There’s gotta be! Don’t give up!”

You peered at him around Joe’s arm.

“No, there isn’t!” you shouted. “You’re scaring me, Luke. Just leave.”

He moved forward, but Ben placed a hand on his chest.

“Not a step closer,” Ben warned.

“Just stay out of this,” Luke spat. 

“She asked you to leave, Luke,” Allen said. “So go.”

“No, I’m not giving up,” Luke said. 

“Oh, my God,” you whispered into Joe’s chest. “Oh, my God.”

Joe lowered his lips to your ear. “Don’t worry. We’re not gonna let him anywhere near you.”

“This is just crazy,” you went on. “He’s acting crazy.”

“Y/N, please!” Luke continued to plead.

Chris Harrison at last approached, accompanied by security guards. Chris went directly to you.

“What do you wanna do, Y/N?” he asked. “Do you wanna talk to him?”

“No!” you insisted. “I want him to leave!”

“Okay,” Chris said. He turned to Luke. “Luke, it’s time to go.”

The security guards stepped toward him, but he stepped away.

“Wait!” he pressed. “Wait, Y/N - just - please. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want me here. That’s the only way I’ll believe it.”

You met his gaze with a scowl.

“I don’t want you here,” you said venomously. “Get out.”

He sighed, shoulders sagging. Then, he straightened up, turned on his heel, and stormed out. You hoped that was the last you ever saw of him.

“You alright?” Joe asked.

You nodded. “Yeah, I’m good.” You looked at Chris. “He did actually leave, right?”

He nodded. “We made sure of it.”

You took a deep breath.

“You wanna tell them where we’re going next?” he asked.

You let yourself smile, even though you were still a bit shaken.

“Yeah,” you said. You addressed the men. “Guys, we’re going to Killarney, Ireland!”

Allen whooped and pumped a fist in the air. You laughed. You knew he’d be excited to be back home in Ireland. But the rest of the guys seemed excited too. You gazed at them in awe. It was hard to believe that you had already narrowed it down to seven guys. Seven incredible guys. You couldn’t ask for more.

That night, as you packed in your hotel room, you heard a knock at the door. For a moment, you feared Luke had come to speak to you again, but you told production you didn’t want him near you. Still, you peeked through the peephole before answering. The man behind it took your breath away. You thought your eyes were playing tricks on you. It couldn’t be! Could it?

You opened the door apprehensively.

“Jamie?”

To be continued…

#gwilym lee #gwilym lee x reader #gwilym lee x you #gwilym lee imagine #ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy x you #joe mazzello #allen leech #rami malek #Richard Madden #taron egerton #BoRhap #borhap cast x reader #borhap boys #borhap boys x reader #BoRhap cast #borhap cast imagine #borhap boys imagine #bohemian rhapsody #joe mazzello x reader #taron egerton x reader #richard madden x reader #allen leech x reader #Queen #Brian May #roger taylor #adam lambert #queen imagine

[cilly-murphy]

Hi there, I’m a little bit at a loss for words so bear with me if you will, for I will not be eloquent, but I am once again the first-time-watching-Merlin-thanks-to-your-gifs-anon and I just wanted to let you know that I just finished the series tonight. I am just. Beyond words. It was so painful and terrible and perfect and I don’t mean to be overly dramatic but I feel changed somehow? I have many emotions and opinions and takes and I will not bore you with them, except for just one, because all along I was so terrified for the magic reveal that still hadn’t come yet (I thought it would come in season 4 at the latest wtf) and I knew my fear was definitely mostly because I was projecting my own coming out onto it and that went rather terrible when I had it and I was so scared because I wanted arthur to forgive Merlin so badly because I didn’t have that myself yknow? and then it came and at first I sobbed with grief and then with love and just everything and it was such catharsis and just... it felt so real to me, those last moments between them and how they could never truly hate each other, how they would always change for each other even in the hardest things and also how it can really feel when you believe in someone being such a good person but you have to put a lot of hard work in to make them understand that you’re not a monster yknow. And how scary that is and how hard, and how you’re never sure if you’ll be rewarded for it, even with acceptance. I have so much to say about this show and I will to many people but don’t worry, I won’t bother you with it, but I just really needed this show right now at this point in my life and I am heartbroken in the best way possible right now. Very very grateful. Very very sobbing, too. Sorry for the rant. Also I saw your response to my last ask and I agree with you so much on not wanting some perfect thing that won’t even stay with you!

Oh anon 😔😔😔 you made me kinda cry 😢i have gotten invested to your watch since you told me about it some time ago... i was thinking about how the ending would be for you. you are not dramatic at all to say this show has changed you. it was happened me too, and a huge amount of people. you can never escape bbc merlin, it will always be with you.This show resonated with so many people’s coming out stories and it helped them a lot. I am straight so i have no experience into this, but so many people see magic in this show as an lgbtq+ theme. Which i agree with to be honest.  I’m going to talk to you about my Merlin finale experience, maybe you can relate. It was a very different time for the fandom then, it was 2013. I had started to watch the show in december of 2012 but i didn’t have time to finish before the finale. Also i made this blog then, a tiny 15 year old with feels and shitty photoshop skills. I had watched like one season when the finale dropped. i knew everything that happened. But still, it became my fav show very fast and i made a promise to myself to watch one episode a week and gif it. To make it last you know. So i did. And the fateful day to watch 5x13 came. I knew everything, every single scene from the episode. From gifsets and fanvids and fanfics and all. But it wasn’t the same. It was August, i was alone at the house. I wasn’t ready for this but i knew i had to gif it. And then.... i died. And i’m dead ever since. And this episode mind you was shown on christmas eve. FUCKING CHRISTMAS EVE. As you can imagine, this episode destroyed an entire generation. Merlin was like top show in England then, the ratings were sky rocketing. It pisses me off when people who aren’t educated in that subject, keep saying Merlin was cancelled. MERLIN ENDED. MERLIN WAS SUPPOSED TO BE 5 SEASONS AND THEN IT RUN ITS TRUE COURSE. People are so used to shows being milked these days. It used to be different, shows ended when it mattered. Anyway!  Apart from the pain and the unsaid things and so much more, this ending made the show eternal. This open ending, that we can manipulate however we want with fics and content and never get tired of headcanons and crack and anything that comes into our head is amazing. I will live forever with this pain. It changed me forever, this show changed me forever. Anon you should come to me. I know what you’re going through right now and if you want to just vent or scream or say ANYTHING you want, i’m here. Dm me. I was the person that started this journey for you and i want to be here for you, if you would like me to. The pain will subside as time passes and you will see how amazing the fandom is. I’m glad i introduced you to this show and i’m glad for each person that that is watching it now. It’s truly one of a kind ❤️ 

#replies #not me crying right now no what would you think that #Anonymous

[oikawas-bae]

Sweet!! (You can do a drabble or hc, whichever’s easier for you) Could I possibly have fem!reader planning to go into film school and needs to submit a couple short films so she decides to make one be a documentary about the high schools she believes may win nationals and interviews some of the team members (specifically Oikawa, Suga, and Akaashi). Feel free to add or change anyone/anything! :D

Okay but u r an angel 🥺 thank you for being so flexible in your request, it was v fun to write and these are some of my top favs so even better!

Oikawa

Oikawa jumped at the opportunity to be apart of your film project and made sure to flaunt to the whole school about how he was going to be a movie star, “Imagine me...on the big screen- as it should be, right (y/n)?”

When it was time to film, he took it upon himself to be the main focus of the film and direct. You didn’t even know how it happened but within a matter of a few minutes, he had usurped your power as director.

“B-But Oikawa, I-it’s my project,” You stammered, flustered by him taking everything out of your hands. But of course, the cocky brunette would retort, “Yes but it needs to be perfect and what better way to have that than to have me be the director?”

“But it’s my project.”

“I don’t think you listened to anything I just said but it’s fine. I’ll repeat i-“

“Oikawa! It’s my project, I’m in charge.” Hearing you assert your dominance that way had him grinning to his ears, he conceded.

Throughout the entire process, he continued to hover over your shoulder, making critical remarks like “Maki looks a bit stiff there”, “Wait. There’s someone irrelevant in the shot.” “I look too sad in that shot, again!”

Cue you rolling your eyes so far back your eyes ache afterwards and Oikawa frowns but continues to insert himself as co-director. When the filming was finished, Oikawa let you do your editing magic. Even if it was frustrating to work with him, when editing you mentally thanked him for his input because his perfectionist advice had made the editing that much easier than it would have otherwise been. You also thanked yourself for choosing him as the subject because it was pleasing to look at him, in every shot he looked stunningly gorgeous but you’d never inflate his ego even more by telling him that.

You ended up getting top marks on the documentary and Oikawa was so proud of you (and himself), he couldn’t help but bring you into a tearful hug.

Sugawara

You were both tremendously busy at University with all of your assignments; you especially since your professors had made it a point to hone your filming skills since the film industry was so competitive and in the real world you would need to be a master at the craft of the camera. When Sugawara received your text to meet him at a coffee shop, he was more than thrilled to see you and momentarily do away with school.

“Hey, how have you been?” He smiled above his scarf, he looked so cozy.

“I need your help making a film. Can you be my star?” Your face radiated stress and he didn’t even have time to consider the offer before you started rummaging through your backpack and slapped the rubric and assignment on the tabletop.

He deadpanned, “You procrastinated again?”

“Koushi, help me!”

“Okay, okay.” He waved his hands in the air, feigning innocence. “But why me?”

Your features relaxed and you sunk into your chair, “I really think that your team will win the nationals and I want to make sure people know how amazing you guys are, even if it’s just my class. You guys deserve all the support in the world. Especially you, Suga.”

He pulled his pale blue scarf above his nose to hide the rising blush on his cheeks. “That’s- thank you. When do we start?”

“Now! It’s due in three days…”

The process of filming was like a breath of fresh air. Suga’s easy going manner was contagious and you were able to destress by merely being in his presence.

He wasn’t much help with the editing, he had never been a tech person so he just sat with you, watching you drag segments over each other and record voiceovers. Being the curious boy he was, he asked plenty of questions, “So how does this work?...Like everything?”

“Umm...well you see…” You explained the steps in editing videos and you knew he didn’t understand a word but it was pleasant enough to watch him smile and nod. Once the final touches had been finished and you uploaded your video onto your professor’s website, you turned to Suga after hours of you clicking your mouse amidst silence. He had dozed off with his head dropping onto his shoulder, such a precious sight. Your yelp woke him up when you looked at the time. 4:33 AM.

“H-huh?”

You bowed to your knees, “I’m sorry for keeping you so long! I’ll walk you to your dorm.”

He shook his head, “Its fine. I had a great time.” His kind smile turned into a smirk, “But you do owe me something in return. I’ll decide what that is later.”

And with that, he left you in your dorm to snooze on the couch out of stress and sleep deprivation.

Akaashi

Akaashi would have never agreed to be in your film had it not been for the pressure applied by both you and Bokuto. The both of you pestered him for days about it; texted him nonstop and even attempted to bribe him with an all-expenses paid steak dinner. Of course, none of these strategies were effective, he only caved because he wanted you and Bokuto to stop assaulting him about it.

His approach took you by surprise. You expected him to be clueless and you to be pushing him around like a rag doll but you underestimated how thoughtful he was. He sat down with you to plan how to maximize the points you’d get, “Maybe this kind of shot would work better? And we could use a mirror and the stage lights to dramatize the shot…”

Your eyes glittered in admiration as you nodded enthusiastically, “ah! Akaashi, you’re a genius!”

Bokuto surely tagged along and helped set up the scene exactly as you had outlined. Akaashi had turned your midterm project into an adventure without even trying. You rode the train to go get the best backdrop and waited hours for the sun to be at the optimal angle for filming, chatting away with Akaashi and Bokuto.

When editing the video, Akaashi sat by you, watching you click away in frustration because of how precise you wanted to be in cutting a shot. He put his hand atop yours to overtake the responsibility of using the mouse. Out of utter embarrassment, you left your hand sitting below Akaashi’s and he continued to apply pressure on the left side of the mouse, unphased by your hand. He did, however, take note of your ever flushing face. “Don’t be so nervous. It’s just a video, we’ll get it.”

You shooed his hand away in an effort to stop the heat rising in you so visibly. “I-it’s not the video. You’re so smart but so dense sometimes.”

“That makes no sense.”

“Just stay there and let me work.”

When your professor finally graded your paper, he complimented you on your meticulous filming and skillful handle on the lens. You texted Akaashi about how stellar your professor described your documentary to be and he replied ‘nice, now when are you and Bokuto taking me out for the steak?’

#oikawa x reader #oikawa toru x reader #i did change some stuff #hope thats okai #akaashi x reader #akaashi keiji x reader #sugawara koushi x reader #sugawara x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu!! #my writing #my writes #drabbles

[lindalevanimamm]

Reality- Chapter 4

Ugh Mondays. They suck for everyone, and today was no different for me. I of course, had a super weird weekend. I’m so confused. Did it all really happen? Was Saeyoung Choi really here? Did he really come to meet me, ME, of all people? Did he really come to my apartment and clean? I mean, my apartment was cleaner yesterday, but I could have just imagined it. But then the chats yesterday were definitely off book. No where online does it say that chat room is supposed to happen. I mean I could type messages instead of choosing pre-made options. My life has gotten weird. Too weird. I’ve already been struggling mentally, and now I might actually be going crazy. No, I know I’m going crazy. There’s no way it was real. It’s not possible. There are no other dimensions, or worlds, or realities. There’s just this one where Saeyoung does not exist. I jumped at the sound of an alarm going off, stopping my train of thoughts. I had set an alarm to make sure I leave for class on time. Crap. I haven’t even showered yet I was so caught up in everything. Maybe I’ll take a day off...yeah right I’ll get so behind. I can’t be late. Too many stares for that. I guess I won’t shower and just hope for the best. I quickly put on a change of clothes and redid my hair into another bun. I’ll wash it eventually...maybe...it’s been a bit. I skipped breakfast and practically ran out of my apartment and to campus. I missed the bus, so I had to run the entire way. Thankfully, I made it to class just before it started.

I took my seat, the one in the very back in the corner, of course, and got to work. Or so I hoped. My mind kept thinking back to the past few days. How cruel can my brain be? I feel empty and anxious all the time, it reminds me of my failures and makes me question everything. And now it’s making me believe that Saeyoung is real. I’m just so stupid. Why am I even thinking about this? People would think I’m crazy. I started to feel eyes on me, so I looked up from my ‘notes’. People were moving into groups for an activity. Crap no. I knew I should have skipped. Did we already get groups or do we have to chose? I don’t want to chose, no one will chose me so I’ll either be alone or have to awkwardly ask to be in a group. I soon realized that two people were facing me. So we were assigned thank God. I began to sweat and shake, as I normally do when having to talk with new people. We got started on the project. Thankfully, neither seemed like talkers so we all agreed on just doing a portion of the work separately. The class seemed to drag on forever. Now not only was I thinking about my weekend, but now thoughts of how awkward I must have been talking to my group mates. They probably think I’m dumb. Did I stutter to much? Could they tell I was shaking? Did I seem weird? I shouldn’t have said that. Once again, I snapped back into reality to realize that our teacher had dismissed us. I packed up my things and quickly left. Thankfully, this is the only class I have today, my other was cancelled, right? I checked my emails to find the one saying the class was cancelled for the millionth time that day. I had checked before and I knew it, so why do I have to keep checking? I was starting to feel really hungry since I had skipped breakfast, so I decided to suck it up and go order something at a nearby fast food place (A/N: I don’t know pick your fav). Anxiety started to creep in. How stupid am I to feel anxious over something so basic? I never have to see the person ever again. They don’t care about what I say or do, but I still feel a bit anxious. I got into line and made sure to breathe. Once it got to my turn I ordered. Haha, I didn’t even stutter that time. Feeling proud of myself, I got my food and began walking to the bus stop. Somehow I managed to get there right before it left, so I got onto it, thankful I wouldn’t have to walk the entire way. I sat down on a seat away from everyone else. I felt my phone vibrate, another chat room. I had been trying to think about other things that don’t involve me going crazy, but that wasn’t working. I opened it up. 

Yoosung*: so you really got there?

707: yep! I think I fixed everything so I’m going to go again later today

Yoosung*: you sure (Y/N) would like that?

707: I don’t know...

It was then that I realized they didn’t notice I’d come into the chat room. He’s coming again? It’s really real? If I see him than it must be real, right? That doesn’t mean anything, I’m sure crazy people see and hear things too...how can I be certain? Maybe a picture? Pictures will only show what’s there right? Okay, if he comes, I’ll just try to get a picture of us and I’ll know for sure. 

Yoosung*: well I got to go theres amonters on LOLOL bye

*Yoosung* has left the chat

707: all alone T_T

707: I should go surprise (Y/N) now hehe 

*707 has left the chat

(Y/N): idiots lolol I’ve been here, it won’t be a surpise <3

I smiled and turned my phone back off. The bus had finally made it to my stop so I grabbed my things and left. I made the short walk to my apartment. I got on the elevator and started walking down the hall to my apartment. I stopped midway. My jaw dropped slightly. Sitting on the floor in front of my door was Saeyoung. Picture, my brain reminded me. I began walking closer, trying not to smile. I’m still mad he just left. Wait no this still might just be a hallucination. Saeyoung looked up when he heard someone coming and smiled when he saw it was me. “Surprise!” he yelled. 

“I was in the chat Saeyoung, I knew you would come. Or at least I knew my hallucinations would continue.” He frowned. 

“But I’m real,” he whined. 

“Mm as real as every other anime character. And if you are really real then I’m mad at you,” I crossed my arms. Well, tried to, it was hard to do so with the food in my hands. 

“Well I am real and why are you mad at me?” 

“Because you left...like everyone else,” I trailed off. Saeyoung’s head dropped.

“I know. I am sorry. I really thought I had figured it out, but I think I do now, so I shouldn’t be going anywhere.” I looked up at him and squinted at him, pursing my lips to complete the look. 

“Promise?”

“Promise,” he smiled. I went ahead and unlocked my apartment and let him in. 

“You know I’m surprised you didn’t just pick the lock,” I said. 

“I would never do such a thing!” he protested. He made his way to my couch and flopped onto it. 

“If you say so. Sorry I didn’t get any extra food. Are you hungry? I can make something?” I made my way to the kitchen, setting my food down. 

“Nah I’m good.” I went ahead and decided it’d be best to eat out in my living room for two reasons. Reason one, I don’t trust Saeyoung, and reason two, it would be more rude to just sit in my kitchen and eat. I sat down next to him. I quickly remembered that I needed a picture. 

“Hey, can I get a picture with you?” I asked suddenly. He looked up at me confused, but then smirked. 

“Why? You can’t get enough of this face?” he asked and then stuck out his tongue. 

“No,” I rolled my eyes. “I want to make sure I’m not hallucinating. Pictures can only show what’s here right?” He laughed. 

“A picture wouldn’t be enough proof. Even if nothings actually there, you could just hallucinate it when looking at the picture!” 

“Oh yeah...well you did not just help your case any. How am I supposed to figure out if I’m going crazy or not,” I frowned. 

“You’re not going crazy. How many times do I have to tell you I’m really here?”

“That’s exactly what a hallucination would say!” He frowned. “I’ve been so depressed my brain is now making me think that you’re here! There has to be some way to prove that I’m right!”

“Well there is one way.” he mumbled. 

“What is it?” I asked, desperate to know the truth. He looked up at me and I almost missed the slight pink dusting his cheeks. He leaned closer and reached out for my chin again. What is he- oh... I didn’t have time to think before I realized his lips were on mine. Time sort of just stopped. I got lost in the feeling out it all. My hands moved to the back of his head, his moving to my sides. Before I noticed, Saeyoung was deepening the kiss, his tongue making its way into my mouth. It soon was getting hard to breathe, and we broke the kiss. I looked down, embarrassed. We sat in silence for a second before Saeyoung broke it. “Well, now do you believe me?” he asked. I tried to pull myself together.

“I-it was, uh, pretty convincing, but it still doesn’t really prove anything...” 

“Hmmm, does that mean I’ll have to try again?” he asked. 

“No...” I softly answered. I was conflicted now. Sure that all felt real, and I definitely wouldn’t mind another, but it truly doesn’t prove much. 

“Oh” he replied softly. I winced. He sounded hurt. I don’t mean it like that, really. 

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” I began. 

“No, you’re right. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have pushed you.” There was another moment of silence. Both of us just thinking about what had happened. 

“I have an idea.” I broke the silence. He looked up at me, ready for me to continue. “I’ll go with you and you’ll order something or buy something from somewhere. If other people can see you, then I’ll know it’s not a hallucination.” He thought for a moment. 

“Yeah, I don’t see any holes in that logic...where to?” 

“There’s a convenience store about a block from here.” We both got up and made our way outside. After a few minutes, of a silent and awkward walk, we arrived at the store. “Here we are,” I said. 

“Any requests on what to buy?” he asked. 

“Nope I’m just going to stand back and observe.” He chuckled. 

“Normally I’m the one doing the observing, but okay.” We walked inside and I watched him disappear in one of the isles. I went to go find a snack to buy. I wasn’t just going to walk in and not buy something. As I walked down the isle, my thoughts started getting to me again. I can’t believe your life has come to this. So lonely that you’re making someone up. This is why people don’t talk to you. That’s why the walk here was awkward. You don’t know how to talk to people, so you just don’t. It feels real, but it’s not. No one would kiss you. Imagining your first kiss and making it feel real is really sick. You’re sick. No one wants to be with you. No one would want to be your first anything. You should just be leftovers...a hand on my shoulder interrupted my thoughts. I didn’t notice that I was tearing up. I quickly wiped them away. “You okay?” Saeyoung asked me. I kept my head down. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” 

“You don’t have to pretend in front of me you know?” 

“Yeah because you’re not real. You wouldn’t be doing all this, you wouldn’t be this nice to me if you were real,” I answer. He let out a small sigh. 

“I don’t know who would make you think that. But I still have to prove to you that I’m here right? Watch.” I finally looked up and I watched him walk away. I watched him go up to the counter, smile, and have a small chat with the cashier before paying and coming back to me. He smiled at me. “See?” he asked. Unable to hold back any longer, I threw my arms around him in a hug. 

“You’re really here?” I asked. 

“I’m really here,” he answered. 

“You really came for me?”

“I really came just for you, (Y/N).”

“Really though?” He chuckled again.

“Really though. I came for you, and only you. I’m here and I don’t intend to go anywhere unless you want me to.” I hugged him tighter. He pretended to choke. “Ack (Y/N)! I’m not going to be here if you keep holding on so tight!” I laughed. 

“I’m just making sure it’s real.” I finally let go of him and looked at him. How is this happening? Why me? I don’t deserve this. 

“You do,” he suddenly said. 

“What?” I asked. Can he read minds?

“You do deserve this. I’m the one that didn’t deserve you. I didn’t deserve your help with Mint Eye, and I didn’t deserve your feelings. But you, (Y/N), you really do deserve to be loved. You deserve to be happy. I hope to make you feel happy and loved and I don’t know if I’ll be enough, but I’m going to try.” I just smiled, unable to form any words or sentences in my mind. I don’t know how he knew what I was thinking. I didn’t know if I fully believed his words, but for now I was going to try. “Now lets head back so I can try to explain everything to you and answer any questions you have.” 

#saeyoung choi #saeyoung choi x reader #mystic messenger #707 #707 x reader #fanfic

[likealightsw1tch]

17 & 20 for the fic ask thing? i absolutely love your work :)

Awww thank you! I love that you love my work & always have such kind things to say about it.

17. Describe a fic that is still in the ‘ideas’ stage.

I do have a plot half-laid-out for another WIP but I’m gonna keep that one under lock & key for a little bit, bc I just need to focus on my CURRENT multi-chapter stories that desperately crave my attention.

Instead, I’ll list off some of the (many) partial drafts of one-shots that live in my Google Docs library that may one day be published:

- A high-school!Kevin piece that goes a little deeper into my headcanon that he was kind of a lonely teenager who pushed himself full force into his religion and kind of created a cycle of isolation. It also touches on the smallest hints of his being closeted. But he was VERY deep in there.

- One-shot (or possible incorporation into The Longest Night of Rain) of Kevin & Connor’s first night in their first NYC apartment. It would be maybe the fluffiest thing to ever come out of me, right before it turns to smut.

- Again, smut, where Connor comes home from a run and Kevin notices how those strength & conditioning classes for his theatre performance major are paying off in the best way :)

20. Do you have a favorite fanfic or author? If so, tag them/post a link and share the love! 

OH GOD YOU’RE REALLY DOING THIS TO ME HUH. I’m always afraid of leaving someone out because I inevitably will. But I’ll give you longtime favs along with the works of theirs that stand out to me most. (in no particular order)

Mirimea - I’ve talked before about how this author blows me away, but by far her best and most haunting work in my opinion is Bricks. I think her versions of the characters are very different from anything I’ve read in recent years, but she sells it so beautifully and I love everything she’s written. I am still holding onto the hope that she will resurface after 5 years and finish her work lmao

xoxoxo (@warrengabrielzuko) - Forever a stan of literally everything she writes. Literally all o fit. I hang on every word. She came into the fandom like a wrecking ball when I was craving some good dark content and blew my expectations out the water. And then continues to do so every time she posts something new. It’s really tough to pick just one story of hers to highlight as my favorite, because I really love them all and genuinely feels like her writing is tailor-made for my interests as a reader. But I’m going to go with Hello. If you haven’t read that... fuckin’ brace yourself. 

@elderkevinmckinley - Absolute queen of producing high quality content at such a high volume and always hitting it out of the park. Her writing is laced with such a tangible love & respect & understanding for the characters, it’s difficult not to fall in love with it. Once again, it’s so tough to choose a favorite, but I am really digging her new story The Way We Live Now. But you should give it all a read. 

lolamit (@sprinkleofharries) - This person is nearly singlehandedly responsible for selling me on the enemies-to-lovers trop. I don’t typically read them, and I didn’t typically read AUs either, but I defied both of these rules to read A Pizza My Heart but I’m so glad I did. It just feels so... full? Like everything was so well thought-out and her take on the characters was so great. Also the balance of humor and drama is impressive.

@e-sawyer - Look, we have a common interest of projecting all of our sadness onto Kevin Price and making him as miserable as possible in the process. I love that she enables me in this. I’ve said it before (and to her a million times) but the piece of hers that stands out to the most to me is Miraculous, which did accomplish the rare task of making me cry real life tears over a fanfic. 

@afterafternoons - Hers was some of the earliest work I read when I first joined the fandom and was in my absolute frenzy of consuming all the content that existed on the internet, but I remember even back then that her work stood out as some really clean, insightful, beautiful writing. I really have had a renewed appreciation for this since she started writing her newest piece What Did You Think When You Made Me This Way? I just love it so much.

[lucy-ghoul]

10, 12, 22, 23!

Sorry for the late reply, dear!

10. Do characters have to have canon interactions for you to ship them?

Obviously no, anyone who has been following me for a long time knows that some of my favorite pairings are in fact crackships. Sometimes it's more about the potential of these two personalities clashing that attracts me. Fandom is transformative work after all, and sometimes the appeal to me is more about what could be that what it actually is - often because canon disappoints me, or maybe I'm not into the canon ships for whatever reason. 

tl; dr: Crackships and rarepairs are a lot of fun! :)

12. What drives you away from a ship?

As I already said before when I answered another ask, if I don't ship something it's simply because it doesn't spark my interest. I can't pin down the exact reasons why, except that in fiction I'm all about conflict (which is ironic - or maybe not? - because IRL it's very much the opposite, I'm avoidant to the core) and strong personalities clashing against each other. So in absence of this… it doesn't catch my attention. (Idek, sometimes I have a hard time understanding myself lol)

There have been times when I shipped a pairing until I didn't, yes, but it rarely happens. As a rule when I'm really into a ship, it's forever lol. For example I remember when I was 16 and Gossip Girl was still on air; I shipped Chuck/Blair, but after Season 3 I got tired af of their pointless mind games and I became a staunch Dan/Blair fan. (For anyone who's watched GG: you can imagine how I felt after the finale. It's still one of the worst I've ever seen.) Of course, I'm not in the fandom anymore so the disappointment has burned itself out since long.

This is the one instance I can recall. Maybe there are others, but probably not as memorable.

22.  Do you have any ships that you ship, but would never want to see as canon?

Yes! About some of them (like fav rarepairs) I'd love to see more content, of course, but usually… I don't need them to be canon to feel like my shipping them it's valid. I don't understand this obsession with canon tbh; the only pairings I actively want to be canon are the ones where their relationship is pivotal to both characters' development and the story's themes overall.

In other cases, I'd like to, but I don't need to; or I wouldn't even like it, if it contradicts the characters' canon portrayal - for instance, shipping Vader with Obi-Wan/Ahsoka/whoever after Mustafar is great in fanworks, but in canon it's very important that he stays alone, isolated (except for Palpatine, yikes) and forever pining after Padmé, until he meets Luke. The father-son relationship is basically the whole foundation of the OT (which is ironic, considering that it wasn't in Lucas' original plans lol). 

But that's what fanfics are for, after all. And the challenge of writing something that couldn't happen in canon and keeping the characters as much as IC as possible is a lot of fun, and probably what attracted me to write fanfictions in the first place.

23.  Have you ever had a ship become canon, but you didn’t like how it was portrayed?

L M A O yes. Most recently Reylo and Jaime/Brienne. TROS has a lot of issues that go beyond Reylo and concern everyone and everything, but speaking about Reylo in particular: 1. both their characterizations are so wrong it's not even funny, and this affects their scenes together (although they were the only reason I managed to stay awake for the entirety of the movie), and 2. since these movies are made with the great artistic purpose of selling toys, pointless lightsaber duels instead of, you know, actual conversations (like in TLJ) through which the characters develop and grow, are in order. And of course, there was that awful ending.

The thing is, Abrams (and most Hollywood blockbuster writers) didn't possess the necessary competence for a subtle, complex narrative like a Slow Burn Villain/Hero romance with a redemption and happy ending. It's simply not something you see in mainstream Western media. It would take care, guts, and a multilayered approach, so not something you can expect from Disneywars and the like. (Rian Johnson tried and partially succeeded, but after all he's a better writer than Abrams, with an actual artistic vision - you may agree or disagree with it, but at least he has one. It's easy to see in his other movies, too.)

It could have been epic, but alas, we ended up with "Poor Man's Romeo and Juliet/Vader and Luke 2.0 but make it romantic and obviously not incestuous, because all we're able to do is parroting the OT, projecting onto characters, and stupid fanservice". It's a shame, really.

This applies to Jaime/Brienne from ASOIAF/GoT, too. Jaime's characterization was simply… wrong, their actual hook-up scene was underwhelming, and of course, that ending. I don't talk much about Jaime's fate in GoT because I still can't process it lol. By now I got to the acceptance stage about Dany - it may be an unpopular opinion in the book fandom, but I'm 80% sure that GRRM's finale will not be that different from the show's, only with (hopefully) better writing overall. I'm resigned to the idea that Dany will not only go through a Dark Side phase, but probably will not get a chance for redemption, and that's what really bothers me.

But Jaime? After all his development, I really can't accept that he would regress like that. No, not even in the books. I just hope GRRM cares more about his own characters than D&D, but I'm prepared to be disappointed... again.

Whatever, we will never get A Dream of Spring anyway so we’ll never know

Thank you so much for the ask! ❤

#sw negativity #got negativity #i guess? #eyes like the night #asks

[yannsscarf]

A personal selection:

every favorite shot from every episode of Skam France season 3.

episode 1: the moment when lucas made up his mind and took the first step.

to me, its a hard one between the moment when eliott walked in le foyer and that facial expression lucas made. it's like a hit to the head and something was growing inside from that moment. but again to me the story of lucas begins here. he chose his fate, his instinct. he hesitated, swallowed, yet he still walked forward. i just love this moment so much.

episode 2:  the moment when lucas becoming the Polaris of eliott.

specifically this shot. lucas looked back and its almost like he was searching for acceptance. its so telling with his careful, longing, slightly doubted face. he cut himself open and presented his heart to his crush, it's so bold of a move but it's so beautiful, heartbreakingly beautiful. and you can see eliott’s eyes, they are lightening up like there’s nothing brighter than lucas.

episode 3: the moment when they challenged each other.

where do I begin? or do I even need to? lucas’ eyes are telling everything. if there’s any moment that they are confirming things between them, this is the moment. lucas is challenging, eliott is challenging, they dare each other to take the first move. the tension, the desire, the nameless butterflies flying around in the air. name one stronger eye contact in tv history I’ll wait.

episode 4: ‘i’ve watched your project.’ ‘guess we have to marry now.’

this particular shot is hands down my fav in this season. just how it resembles the dream of eliott, how it shows that lucas is definitely the polaris to eliott, how brave and beautiful it is for lucas to take a lead and show his pure admiration and love to eliott. at this moment they stopped questioning, they stopped guessing and teasing, they found each other. I might be the weirdest person but to me, locking fingers is waaaaay more poetic, sensual and significant than other physical contacts. and this moment completed me.

episode 5: the ending shot.

how do you say, disappointed, hurt, brokenhearted, numbed and despaired? this ending shot tells you how. I don't know where to begin or how to begin to describe the feeling that I had after this scene. or how much it is enough for me to appreciate the cinematography in here. every time I watch it I'm always amazed by that certain amount of blurriness in the ending shot, as if its seen through the eyes of lucas, blurred out from time to time, losing focus every now and then, crushed by rage, despondency, and hopelessness.

episode 6: utter vulnerability, emotionally raw, and friends become family.

I love how lucas is being the one who comforts people in the beginning and tried so hard to get himself together, yet failed in the end. the whole blue in this shot, tone-wise and emotion-wise, is thoroughly conveyed. somehow in the mood of sadness and sorrow, we felt the warmth. in the moment of taciturnity, sadness was flowing under, and the tears were their way out.

episode 7: a fascinating dance in the rain of oil paint.

I probably rewatched this episode 200 times before i made my decision. what can say besides the fact that this clip is not only a tribute but a poem of its own. the way they swing, how they hold onto each other, the holy intimacy, and colors are everywhere as if we just walked into someone’s dream. the shot is so perfectly done it almost feels sacred to me, and nothing there should be violated. hold your breath, stop whatever you are doing, drop your phone, take a seat, and enjoy one the most beautiful shots in tv history.

episode 8: lucas’ ability to love people.

episode 8 is probably the hardest one. too much has happened and too many need to be remembered. i actually made a final 5 and then ditched them all, come up with this one. funny thing is that no matter how many times i watch this clip, especially this scene, i can't tell if its an improvisation or its actually in the script. but either way, they have given a whole new layer of lucas’ character, his ability to love. he stares at eliott until he has gone from sight, he blows a kiss to him even no one is there to catch. this moment is when i go, this boy is far gone in love, its so silly so pure so heartwarming yet so full of strength. he has the world’s strongest empathy even tho he’s gained less during his childhood. this level of devotion and loyalty made lucas the most loveable, angelic and relatable. (btw the tip of his nose bounces when he blows kisses I’ve watched it for two hours no regret.)

episode 9: remember stopped and lucas whispered, ‘T’es plus tout seul.’

kudos to the editing team because how many of us had goosebumps when remember was put on hold, as if the whole world has stopped and all you can hear is lucas’ mad heartbeat, following the line, ‘you are not alone anymore.’ its so simple, so heartwrenching, yet so powerful. they way lucas put himself in a lower position, forehead against eliott, hands cupping eliott’s face, you don't need to hear it to know how much he loves him. its written on his face.

episode 10: the tears of Juedi 17h32.

lucas has cried many times during this season. too many times to the point some pious, mindless people started to complain about it. I’ve said it before but I gotta say it again, be grateful, be devoted, it really is a privilege for us to sit there and witness them all. his emotions through his tears in this season are priceless. and how amazing the whole crew is because they aren't afraid to show it to the audiences. society tells men that its a shame to cry, and most of them act along. lucas said, fuck it, I’ll cry whenever I feel it. and isn't it just the most beautiful, important thing in the world? to me, episode 10 has blessed us some of the most accurate, sincere, on-point reactions. eliott’s honest monologue about his mental health, lucas’ overprotective status and his strong empathy showed up everywhere in those little details. but nothing hits me harder than this shot. the bus drifted, then the camera started pulling away but remained closeup, lucas’ emotions was poured out, everyone is feeling it through the screen. his tears are shed for sadness from parting, happiness from love and tenderness from eliott. his tears are the proof of living the moment, that lucas is living in the moment and feeling everything. and it has to be in our recognition that no one should be reserved from showing basic human emotions. 

I specifically took some of those out and highlighted some frames just to show that I really really love them. it’s not ranked, its nearly impossible to rank them. I already had a hard time choosing between scenes. again it’s only my personal taste and some might not seem to be important at all to others. but they are truly my favourite, cinematography wise, symbolism-wise, just anything.

I can’t even say its a tribute or anything to season 3 because it’s just my simple modification of the original work. I only picked them just so I can show my genuine appreciation to the whole crew. they are the real MVP. they have to know that I for one appreciate every second of the season and every piece of transmedia content. I laughed, I cried, I got upset, I became furious, I smiled, I rolled my eyes, I looked into the void, I sighed, but most importantly, I learned.

lucas lallemant, being the little hero he is, really had me fall hard. i don’t even know how to use my pale, plain, tasteless words to describe how much i love him. i love him knowing that i could never reach his level of bravery, and it doesn’t matter. i have thousands of words for him yet somehow I can’t say anything.

I guess if parallel universe does exist, maybe I’ll meet him, hold his hands, might even say thank you even if it sounds strange as hell. but I do thank him.

thank you lucas, for you being you, for always choose love. Thank you for never quitting, for never stop fighting. Sometimes I take a look at you and I tell myself, somewhere in this universe you exist, and that’s such a bliss. I don’t know what did I do to deserve you, such a gentle soul, such a golden heart. Thank you for just, your whole existence. I take a look back of the teenager me and seeing the things that I’ve missed, people who I’ve been wronged. And there’s you, lucas, there’s you. You did things that i never had the guts to do, you choose the one that I’ve lost a long time ago. And I’m so happy that you did because you deserve all the love.

You are my little hero and always will. It’s been such a short amount of time, if only I knew parting was this hard, I would give up anything just to live through these all over again, just so I can meet you one more time, just so I can see your beautiful goofy smile, hold your hands, and give you the biggest hug in the whole world, and say a proper goodbye instead of being a mess and totally out of breath because of all the tears.

I’m gonna miss you so much.

Goodbye Lucas, I love you so, so much, I really do.

Until next time.

#skamfr #skam france #i've never met a 16 yrs old teenager boy who is braver than you #i made myself cry when wrote those #but all because i love you so much #your life continues and i know its gonna be bumpy #but you can do it #somewhere far away from paris im rooting for you #i always do

[bluemoonpunch]

BigHit just announced today that BTS is going to be on an extended leave for a while now. What can you read about that? To me I'm extremely glad that they'll be getting some proper rest after all these years but at the same time I can't help but shake off that it might be an omen for something bigger [anonymous @ bluemoonpunch(.)com]

Anonymous: Do you see anything around the vacation the boys are taking now? I’m so happy they’re taking time for themselves (even though I already miss them lol). I feel like this is almost a test run to prepare ARMYs for when they enlist T_T [anonymous @ bluemoonpunch(.)com]

000

There’s an ungodly amount of stuff here to talk about, lol, so I’ll just start from the first set and work my way down.

The first set of cards out was The Lovers in reverse with The Devil, which is interesting as these cards are naturally inverses of the other. Immediately, I was seeing this as a Soul Body situation, something where they are disconnecting from the public on a soul level, disengaging those connections that make it feel RIGHT to constantly be in the spotlight, constantly be turned on for the sake of entertainment, and through that they (or some of them?) will consciously recognize The Devil where they once recognized The Lovers, meaning they will recognize the toxicity of living as a fantasy for mass amounts of people. They will be able to find themselves, the purer versions that are separate from what they’ve created to share with the world because no matter how deep they seem, there’s always a layer of protection that a human being will put around themselves in order to appeal to whoever they are trying to speak to, there’s always purpose behind it other than just simply speaking their mind.

This is reflected in the set that “falls out of” The Devil, like The Devil drops these things as he runs away from their awareness. The Ace of Wands, which I was seeing visually as them physically reaching inside of their own bodies to grab onto the Solar Plexus, the default core projection, the base of the ego, the light that is always on. They grab onto it there, they feel it rather than just allowing it to constantly extend past them, and their perception of it shifts through the reversed Hanged Man. I thought this card was an interesting choice for the depiction of this as the reversed Hanged Man is actually upright. His perspective when upright is of the world upside-down, out of reality. He is a figure representing the point at which objective and subjective reality merge. When reversed, the man in the image is upright, he is seeing the world for what it is at face value, rather than from his own personal perspective which could be clouded by emotions and subconscious veils. He’s seeing The Lovers in reverse or seeing The Devil.

In seeing The Devil rather than The Lovers, he sees where he’s been trapped or where he’s been holding himself prisoner to expectations and connections. What felt like love and admiration from the angel was actually suffocation and the stripping of his own autonomy from The Devil. As that falls away and those ties are temporarily cut, things that were pushed aside come back into focus. The 7 of Pentacles is there at the end of this which I saw as the guys returning to passion projects, taking this opportunity of less obligatory travel and such to take time for more personal matters. This can be family and friends as well as solo music or other business dealings that they haven’t been able to do with so much time constraint. 

From that comes a set with nothing but reversed cards that include the 10 of Wands, 4 of Cups, and the 4 of Swords, which to me said, this is not a time of rest and relaxation, it’s a time to heal, and to heal is to work. The reversed 10 of Wands shows no strenuous work, no work that leaves them completely drained and physically and mentally exhausted, but there is also no time to sleep or lie around dreaming. They’ve already been dreaming and those dreams were the blooms that were left behind in the 7 of Pentacles, and they are now having the opportunities to pursue them. No rest, just more work, but work that fulfills them on a personal level, something that charges them up rather than sucks the life out of them. 

On the other end, extending from The Lovers in reverse comes The High Priestess in reverse, Judgement in reverse, and then the 9 of Cups. This mirrors the set of 10 of Wands, 4 of Cups, and 4 of Swords. The previous set is more about the conscious level work they are doing now, whether it be completely for the individual or something for the group that will come about later, it is more willfully done, not an obligation. On this end, from The Lovers, the same thing is occurring on a soul level, as in the Soul Body. The High Priestess and Judgement being in reverse show a complete separation from their Guides and Source energy. I don’t know if you guys remember all the details of the Soul Body healing and all that, but Namjoon was being used as a conduit and just kind of is all the time, in order to send information, activations, and codes through the others down into the physical space. That isn’t happening here. There is no guidance happening here, nor are they being watched and contained on that level.

With this I head “test run,” as in this separation that the soul body experiences now from their Guides is a test to see what they will actually do with it, what the individual souls do with that freedom — are they going to completely disconnect themselves from the body? Are they going to complete their integration processes? Or are they going to work purely on a soul level and just heal through soul-satisfaction? The 9 of Cups is the show of the soul — not even the Higher Self, just the soul — being in charge. It’s like their souls have been contained inside their energy centers, inside the Soul Body for a long time and they had been compressed together in order to bring the physical forms together in this particular lifetime. It was cramped and as I mentioned in other readings, they could only move together as a unit, but now it’s wide open, they’re free to move. Some of them are dying to move while others are hanging on for dear life, so it’s a test to see who does what and for what reason. It’s kind of cool, but I don’t know what the information gathered from this test is supposed to do other than maybe see how the body would actually break down. IDK.

Then in the center there, everything kind of converges, and this may answer my previous question about what this test is really meant to be for. There is the 8 of Swords in reverse leading down into the 6 of Wands. This would suggest that this opportunity was put into place physically (their vacation) in alignment with the current state of their soul process so that they would individually have the opportunity to take the blindfold off, see The Devil in place of The Lovers, and in turn see what within themselves they’ve been holding back for the sake of the group or the audience. There can be a weird thing where when working in groups of friends, people will sometimes hold back on their own talents in order to not outshine anyone else, and when you’re in a group where, amongst the audience, it becomes a big topic of conversation of who is better at this and that, it can become an emotional obligation to hide or play down talents and passions for the sake of staying on an equal playing field. But if EVERYONE is doing that, and EVERYONE is trying to stay down, you could assume they could all rise up together, support each other, and be supported in their individual paths.

That’s what the 6 of Wands is, it’s the individual, all seven of them on their own, coming around with the Ace of Wands, with their core, their passion, their talent, their pure soul on display, and they are being praised and supported by the others and the audience for it. Not mocked and shamed for “trying to get all of the attention” or whatever bullshit some people spew anytime someone who isn’t their fav breathes.

And BEAUTIFULLY, the set that follows this is all upright. The 8 of Wands is carrying energy directly down, as if the internal state that each of them find in the 6 of Wands through this process of disconnect, will manifest on a conscious level as The Magician for all of them, as individuals who are in complete and total control of the outcome of their paths and what manifests for them. They are neither tied to The Lovers or The Devil here, they are simply tied to their soul and the recognition of power they have. This then stems into the Ace of Cups which I was seeing as a complete recharge of creativity, a complete recharge of emotional strength and awareness, as well as a deeper clarity and awareness of the soul, or what would consciously be perceived as passion.

For good measure, I asked what energy would surround them when they come back from this vacation physically and from this process on a soul level, and they got The Star with the Ace of Swords… which is pretty bomb ass. I honestly don’t even know how to describe this because I’m not getting any visuals or words or anything, it’s just a feeling… and a smell? Lol? I don’t know what that means, but I smell mint or eucalyptus with it. But the feeling itself, which is much more prominent, is just clear water. Perfectly still, clear, cool, water just spreading out around them. It’s like they are The Star. The Star isn’t an influence that they will be under, they are literally The Star, they are the water bearer, and it’s coming from a state of clear-mindedness, the truth, the awareness of all that nonsense that I just talked about. There’s a sense of new purpose, but it’s individual and it’s not entirely controlled anymore the way it is now with the Soul Body. Again, this is an energy that they will carry so I don’t know how that would manifest or if we would see it, but it’s coming through as if it’s going to spread out from them. The water feels like it just pools and spreads out of the ground and just keeps going and going. 

Shits dramatic as hell, I love it.

More Mini-Readings | Celebrity/Idol Readings 

#Anonymous #minireading #bts #kim namjoon #namjoon #rm #bts rm #kim seokjin #seokjin #jin #min yoongi #yoongi #suga #jung hoseok #hoseok #jhope #park jimin #jimin #kim taehyung #taehyung #v #bts v #jeon jungkook #jungkook #ot7 #bighit

[franeridart]

I take issue with affection being the only competition Kiri is never going to lose at. Our shark boy is amazing and definitely a more than worthy rival

(Justto be clear, I don't actually take issue with it, I was just joking and wanting to spread some more love for our boy who can't see how awesome he is.)

I never said it’s the only one he’ll ever win at, just that it’s the only one he’ll never lose at :)

Anon said:Self care? Looking through your kiribaku tag! I swear it banishes all my bad thoughts it's like a slice of heaven thank you so much for fueling my love for my fave boys with your amazing art !! I hope you have an amazing day!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you have a wonderful day too!!! 💕

Anon said:Not sure if you’re still enjoying Haikyuu!! but did you see the moment when Kuroo and Bokuto switch hairstyles?? Their antics even got Tsukki to laugh!! I started following you back when you did art for them and when I saw it, it totally made me think of you haha

YES! I’m definitely still following and enjoying the manga, I’ve been loving the latest chapters so much!!!! ;;;;;;;;;;

Anon said:In the time line where Akane is around. Is Kirishima and Bakugo dating or they just like each other but they haven't ask each other out yet?

They’re still not dating!

Anon said:Pls more Kiri vamp and Mr Baku wolf cause it's aesthetic!! (? WHUT YES pls

Maybe! I’m glad you liked them!

Anon said:thank you so much for sharing your art with us because it is absolutely amazing! i’m living for your kiribaku art!! i hope you have a fantastic day (i’m a french girl, excuse my poor english)

It’s okay, english isn’t my first language either! Thank you so much for liking my stuff!!!!

Anon said:This isn't really an ask, well actually it isn't at all. But anyways, I just wanted to tell you that I just looovvvveee your art style and all the artwork + comics you've done! And I really like your kiribaku stuff, and I'm not saying that I don't like everything else you've done, because the rest of your stuff is amazing! (Sorry, I'm getting off track I just don't want you to be offended). Also your oc; akane is really cute~ I hope your having a wonderful day and keep drawing at your own pace!

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! You’re so damn nice oh my god!! 💕💕💕💕

Anon said:How do you post so many beautiful drawings in such a short time? Thank you!

Do I really? I feel like my productivity has gone down so much compared to how much I used to post a couple years ago hhhhhhhhhhhhhh thank you for liking whatever I can manage to produce tho!!! TT^TT

Anon said:i would die for you

Please don’t!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Hi ♡♡ your art is amazing ! What do you think about baku*kiri*deku ?

Aw sorry but I don’t ship deku with either of them :( I’m happy to hear you like my doodles tho!!!

Anon said:ur art's gucci, fam

THANK YOU!!!

Anon said:Okay so! Oc questions! I have some! 1) is there a plot in your ocverse or are they just college kids being themselves? 2) are Josh and Chris connected to the squad? Also how are they doing? 3) Dave's your favorite right? :3 4) are you going to put Luca and Nico out of their pinning misery? 5) how do Max & Leo, Beth Isa and Ana fit into the squad dynamic? They're not rooming with the others

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dave’s group has no plot at all, as they’re born to simply let me draw of random stuff I think about that doesn’t really fit with any fandom I’m currently in! 

Josh and Chris are from a different story altogether, together with Max Leo Beth Isa and Ana! And they do have a plot of sort, but it’s very nebulous for reasons right now, so I can’t really say much about it - they’re doing good! Or as good as their plot lets them be h a h it’s not........ a strictly happy plot orz

Is Dave my fav? Since they’re all my kids I love them all a whole lot, but I do have faves I guess haha I’m a bad mother - Dave’s definitely the one I have the most fun drawing since his design is v self-indulgent and he’s got a relaxing vibe that easily spreads to me when I draw him, but if we’re talking about the one I built like my ideal fav character then that’d be Luca, and if we’re talking about the one I project the most onto...........actually, I still haven’t ever posted anything of him, but he’s one of Nico’s roommates >:3c also Chris is my oldest OC so he has a very very special place in my heart because of that ;;; I feel like it’s unfair to put him in the list cause I really can’t ever love any OC of mine the same I love him because of this haha

WILL I?????? >:] I do wanna get down to their romance at some point, but first I wanna start drawing comics for them more regularly and I wanna first address a bit of Luca’s past that involves Sal because it might or might not have a little bearing on any romance Lu might ever be interested in starting >:] but before this can happen I gotta find a way to draw Sal’s hair that doesn’t make me wanna shoot myself while I’m at it h a h why did I draw it like that

also at that one person that asked about fav dance move, if it’s dav’s group the only people who enjoy dancing are Sal and Bri (they go clubbing together a lot, I wouldn’t really call it dancing haha) and Ila used to do ballet when she was a kid! 

Anon said:Kiri's hair in your latest piece (long spikey ponytail) is by far my absolute favorite way you've ever styled it, followed by undercut Kiri!! I really love it!

THANK YOU!!! I love Kiri with voluminous hair so much!! I think I might get back on that design again, it was so nice for me to draw TT^TT 

#fran answers #there's oc talk in this!! #because you guys are nice enough to me to let me blabber about them #thank u sm T^T #anonymous

[imtrynnawriteshit]

Kassandra x reader x Alkibiades

I have nothing to say for myself

@ the anon who requested this: you're now allowed (and in some countries even legally obligated) to punch me!!!

Also you're v good friends with Aspasia in this bc the beginning had been stuck in my head for ages lmao

Thank c:

Words: I edited this on Tumblr mobile and now I'm too lazy to check (I'll do it later though. Maybe)

Warnings: Two swear words, I think. And the usual: suggestive themes, terrible writing, too many commas, me projecting my thirst onto y'all (I'm sorry, pals :/)

Characters: Kassandra, Alkibiades, Reader, a whole lotta name throwing, Herodotos makes a friendly appearance :)

Relationships: Kassandra x reader, Alkibiades x reader, Kassandra x reader x Alkibiades

Request: Your Kassandra/Reader gave me an idea for a request so sorry if its dumb haha. Basically I was super happy you included Alkibiades because hes my FAV and I'd die for him. ANYWAY. Could you write one where the reader is at Perikles symposium, and has always had a thing for Alkibiades but was too shy to take him up on his offers, and always regretted it. But then she meets Kassandra and WHAM INSTANT CRUSH so she basically convinces the reader to... eh. Join in the fun? Heh.

Damn Aspasia and her need to arrive fashionably late. She’d promised she wouldn’t be too long this time, but you should’ve known better. And here you thought you'd done a good job convincing her.

You’d been standing around for ages, casually mingling with the guests and steering very, very clear of Sokrates, no matter how many times he tried to catch your eye. You’d have to drain the city of it's wine before you could even consider the thought of engaging him in conversation. At a party, no less. You were here to enjoy yourself, and that did not include a conversation about philosophy going nowhere.

You’d just left Euripedes and Aristophanes to tease Sophokles when you ran into an already extremely tipsy Alkibiades, who seemed thoroughly pleased to see you.

His hands immediately landed on your waist to steady himself, yours going to his shoulders to aid him. You held on to him softly (after all, he might end up stumbling again, and you were a good friend who looked out for others; or at least, that's what you told yourself), and you almost had to physically restrain yourself from running your hands through his hair. Your stomach fluttering, you prayed to every deity that you didn't end up making an absolute fool of yourself.

“I hoped I'd run into you tonight," he paused, leaning in closer, taking in your form hungrily. "And don't you look absolutely delicious."

By the gods. You tensed slightly, your hands beginning to tremble a little. Thankfully, he didn't notice, although his hands did drop to your hips.

"Join me, wouldn’t you? The night is still young, and there’s so much more we can do to make it more…interesting.”

At Aspasia's request, you'd worn the robes she'd gifted you a while back. They were flattering, very much so, and Alkibiades’ attention proved it.

Then again, he didn’t really need an excuse to proposition you.

“I-It’s nice to see you too, Alkibiades, but-“

“But you can’t, yes, so I’ve heard. Many times. Trust me (Y/N), one of these days, I’m going to see if you’re just as magnificent behind closed doors.”

You just shook your head, smiling bashfully as he turned to walk away, stumbling into a pillar. Heaving a sigh, you decided to at least try and have a proper conversation with him tonight, one that didn't involve you stumbling over your words. Baby steps, right?

You were in the middle of hyping yourself up when you noticed Herodotos standing alone by the entryway, watching the festivities. You were approaching him when he was suddenly joined by a woman, someone you didn’t know.

But by the gods did you want to.

Herodotos smiled and shook your hand when you were closer to the pair, accidentally interrupting their conversation.

“(Y/N)! It’s good to see you again."

“You too, Herodotos. I didn't mean to interrupt, I'm sorry."

He smiled, shaking his head. "You always were too polite for your own good. It's no problem at all."

Even as you addressed him, you glanced at the woman by his side. "It’s been a while. I haven’t seen you in Athens, lately.”

“I’ve taken to travelling the Greek world. This is Kassandra of Sparta”, noticing your gaze, he gestured to the woman beside him, who was watching you with an expression you couldn’t quite place, “a misthios, and the commander of the ship I'm sailing on. Kassandra, this is (Y/N) of, well, Athens."

"A pleasure to meet you, Kassandra."

"Believe me, (Y/N), the pleasure is all mine."

You could've melted right there. The sound of your name rolling off her tongue was now possibly one of your favourites. Your face must've given you away, because you swore you could see the beginnings of a smirk on her lips. That you now couldn't stop staring at. You were quickly snapped out of your daze by Herodotos excusing himself to find the host.

Kassandra was quick to continue the conversation.

"How do you know Perikles?"

Thankfully, you'd become accustomed enough to this question that you weren't too flustered, and your response was almost automatic.

"Oh, my brother is one of the proedroi, and doesn't usually attend parties, so I'm forced to come instead. Not that I'm complaining, of course, it’s how I’ve managed to become well acquainted with Perikles and Aspasia." You smiled softly at her, trying not to let your eyes drop below her face.

It didn’t work, but you also didn't regret it too much. Those arms were sinful, and you could only imagine what they could do-

You shook your head slightly, mortified at how you'd been so caught up in your daydream you'd taken to ogling her, and thought you caught a glimpse of amusement in her eyes.

Why, oh why did this only ever happen to you?

You needed to leave before you embarrassed yourself any further, but at the same time, you were reluctant to deprive yourself of her company. Which was ridiculous, considering you barely knew her.

As if you weren’t bad enough when it came to Alkibiades.

At the same time, the fact that she was from Sparta intrigued you. And you were nothing if not curious. Clearing your throat, you continued, "but I must say, I'm surprised to see a Spartan here. What brings you to Athens?”

At this, she seemed to consider you for a moment. Her gaze had become calculating, and you almost felt uncomfortable under her scrutiny. But you must've looked trustworthy to her.

Or just harmless enough to deal with in case she was wrong.

(You hoped it was the former.)

“I’m searching for a Spartan woman. My mother. Herodotos thought I might have been able to find some information here."

You frowned in thought. You weren't sure of how much information she'd find, but the least you could do was point her in the right direction. “Unfortunately, I won’t be of much help to you-"

"Now, that is unfortunate. I would have loved to repay you in any way I could." Was it just you, or were her eyes lidded?

You had a hard time trying to finish what you were saying when your treacherous mind was instead focused on the suggestive tone her voice had taken, but you managed.

"but, I think, um, Alkibiades might know something. Aspasia too, but she - she isn’t here yet.”

She let out a little chuckle. "So you were of help anyway. Thank you, (Y/N)."

She smiled then, and gently squeezed your shoulder. Your skin burned under her touch, and almost as if she knew that, she let her hand trail down your arm before pulling away to talk to the others, throwing you another inexplicable look over her shoulder.

You definitely needed more to drink.

-

You were stunned, to say the least, when she found you again in the kitchens. The pitcher of wine in your hands, a source of comfort only a moment ago, now felt heavy with...shame, was it? You couldn't tell. The rush in which you set it on the table behind you only made you it worse.

Kassandra, however, didn’t notice. Or maybe just didn’t care. She stepped closer to you, glancing around the tiny room as you involuntarily took a step back.

Your nerves must have made themselves known, because she only closed the distance between the two of you, her amusement plain on her features now.

“I don’t bite, you know.”

What on earth were you supposed to say to that?

“I-I didn’t-“

“Unless”, she continued, ignoring your, frankly, pathetic attempt at redeeming yourself, “you’d like me to.”

Fuck.

You let out a shaky laugh, hyper aware of everything around you: the table digging into your back, Kassandra only inches away from you, the tension in the air.

Gulping audibly, you cleared your throat.

“Are you - is there something I can help you with?”

“You know, I believe there is. Alkibiades asked me to find some oil for him. You seem to be well acquainted with the kitchen", her voice had a teasing lilt to it as she shot the pitcher a pointed look. You wished the gods would take pity on you and strike you where you stood. They didn't. "So I hoped you'd know.”

You did, and with a stuttered "of course", you turned to grab it. Handing it to her proved to be a little difficult, though, when she pulled you even closer (if that was possible), her hands on your waist. You were fairly certain your heart had stopped beating.

“You’re looking a little tense.”

“Oh, uh, I hadn’t noticed. I think it might be the wine-”

“Wine relaxes you, (Y/N), but it looks like it hasn’t worked at all. Here, come with me.”

And before you could protest, you were led away, one of her hands now on the small of your back. In the blink of an eye, you found yourself in front of a door, which opened to reveal Alkibiades.

A very naked Alkibiades.

You immediately averted your eyes, questioning every decision that led you to this point. Kassandra, on the other hand, seemed unaffected.

"Your oil."

Oh, you were still holding it. Still looking anywhere but at the two of them, you held it out for Alkibiades to take. And for the second time, you were left holding it as he reached for you instead.

Kassandra grinned. "You're a shy one, aren't you?

"I just...didn't expect -"

"There's a lot you wouldn't expect from me, but I always satisfy." Alkibiades' grip tightened around you. "What say we put this oil to good use and I prove it?"

You hesitated, but you knew that you wanted to. Especially with the way those two were looking at you.

"I certainly wouldn't be opposed to it." Kassandra said, wearing a salacious smile that was mirrored on Alkibiades and almost made your knees buckle.

"After all, what's a party without a little fun?"

Oh, what the hell.

"You're right." The gleeful surprise on their faces filled you with a sense of confidence. "A little fun never hurt anyone."

"Although, my fun is hardly little", Alkibiades said as they led you in. Only one coherent thought ran through your mind as the door closed behind you:

Fuck baby steps.

#kassandra x reader #alkibiades x reader #kassandra x reader x alkibiades #assassin's creed odyssey #assassin's creed #mine

[apologieslogan]

so we've all heard about Patton and Virgil with abandonment issues... but what about Logan?

I'm totally not projecting

-Maybe Logan was in foster care because not even his own parents wanted to stick around.

-He grows up and is adopted just in time before it’s too late. He was like, 17

-During school he never was able to keep friends because he was “too weird and cold and awkward” and people felt uncomfortable;e around him

-So now he's in college on a full ride bc when you don't have friends you don't really have distractions

-His first year he meets Patton and Virgil and he likes them so much and he's just aching inside because he’s waiting for the day they get tired of him.

-He eventually meets Roman as well and now Logan has three (!!!!!) friends and thats so many!!!

-He never goes places with them or eats with them or anything because he's so terrified of getting attached only for them to leave like everyone else does.

- (but the three still manage to get him out of his apartment a few times and every time they do, Logan has so much fun)

-Eventually, they all start having feelings for each other and Logan’s life is falling apart because he got attached anyway.

-Someone confesses, probably Roman and the other two immediately accept and are elated and its wonderful.

-Then the three look over to Logan and he's just, so flustered and confused and warring with himself in that big brain of his because he likes these people and they like him but do they really.

-Logan is just sitting there, thinking about what would happen if they all get together and fall in love and he feels so warm inside he almost says yes.

-Then he thinks about how much its going to hurt when the other three eventually leave him in the dust 

-And Logan feels like he just had a bucket of ice cold water dumped on him and he freezes up and he can't do this its too risky its going to hurt so bad when they leave him 

-And the other three are getting closer and closer, realizing something is wrong and Logan just books it and leaves so fast that the others barely have time to register the tears rolling down Logan’s face, let alone stop him from leaving.

-And the other three are heartbroken because they think Logan said no but they realize Logan never really said anything so they try to talk to Logan to get him to explain

-The only thing is, if Logan was avoiding spending time with them before, he really is now.

-Now it’s near impossible to find Logan and the other three are so worried and hurt and confused but they will not give up unless they hear an audible “no” from Logan.

-The other three eventually decide to go to extremes and go straight to Logan’s apartment when they know he will be there.

-Logan opening the door and seeing the faces of the three people he has been missing so much it hurt for the past few weeks

-he tries to not let them in but he can't deny them any longer, can he?

-They sit down and ask Logan what happened the day Roman confessed and Logan just. can't say it. He can't open their eyes. He can't give them the idea of leaving him just yet.

-So he lies and lies and nobody is buying it and they keep pushing until Logan is fighting back tears and shaking and their hearts are shattering for him but they keep pushing

-And finally Logan breaks and he tells them everything through his tears

-He tells them that nobody ever wants to stay and nobody actually likes him or his company and they only talk to him when its beneficial and not even his own parents wanted him so why would anybody else

-He tells them that he wants to be with them more than anything but he can't because he isn’t sure he is going to be able to get back on his feet when they break up with him and leave him in pieces

-And the other three are comforting him and telling him that they would never get tired of Logan and Logan just can't believe them

-He tells them to stop lying to him and that they're being cruel by doing this 

-And thats when the other three realize Logan genuinely believes that them leaving him is a when, not an if.

-the other three just being so understanding and gentle with him and reassuring him until he’s crying and saying yes, he wants to be with them, but he’s so scared.

-The first time they tell him that they love him Logan cries for almost an hour, telling them that nobody has ever said they loved him before, and that activates their “protect at all costs” sensors

-things are great but problems arise due to Logan’s abandonment issues after they all move in together the next year

-Logan being so terribly insecure whenever they all go out together because “what if they see someone better and want to leave me”

-Logan trying so hard to not ask “where are you going? who are you going with? when will you be back?” every time one of them leaves the house but he has to know

-It’s bad, and the other three are so patient with him and Logan feels horrible about it because he doesn't deserve them

-The thought eats at him. It keeps him up at night.

-One day the other three find Logan curled up on Patton’s bed, holding various articles of their clothing, tears dripping onto the fabric because he can't deal with the guilt of being with them when they deserve so much more but he doesn't want to give them up. He doesn't want to be alone again

-And the other three hold him while he’s crying and telling them how sorry he is and how he wants to get better for them but its just so hard

-The other three look into getting Logan a therapist and Logan agrees and it takes a while, but things start to actually get better and its amazing to see Logan have a sense of self worth and love himself, even if its only a little bit, for a change

-One night, they plan a night in to celebrate Logan’s progress and they sit him down at a table with a fancy dinner and they say “we want to talk to you” and Logan just. loses it. 

-Suddenly all his insecurities are back and they’re breaking up with him finally and his heart is already shattering and he's already thinking of how in the world is he going to pick himself up after this

-The other three watch Logan go from happy to a shaking, tear-filled mess in the blink of an eye

-And then Logan is apologizing, saying he’s sorry, please don't break up with me, I'm trying so hard, I’ll do better and Patton, Virgil, and Roman have to hold tears back while they comfort their boyfriend

-“You mean you aren't breaking up with me?” and the pure confusion is what breaks them, in the end and they're all a mess and its so sad, but it’s them.

-Them telling Logan what they actually were trying to tell him and they're showering him with praise and compliments and “I love you”s and Logan Is crying again but for a different reason

-The same thing happens again, years down the road, except this time, they propose, and Logan is gone, crying on and off for hours, apologizing as his boyfriends fiancee’s grab him more tissues for the 10th time

-One day Logan is having an off day and his husbands cuddle him close and tell him “Baby, we aren’t going anywhere” and for the first time ever, instead of arguing with them, he says “I know.”

-The other three are so proud of him that its,,, instant happy tears.

-Logan is the one fetching the tissues that day.

okay I'm done feel free to add on or headcanon with me or anything pls this concept is my fav

imma tag people but tell me if you don't want to be tagged!!!! I don't wanna bother you!!

@entpscarleharrrr @theresneverenoughfandoms @katatles-the-fish @percapecan @that1theatregirl @fantazyiskey @madly-handsome @galaxy-warping @iridescentroyalty @ticklish-little-user @theonlyjelly-iwillput-inmybelly @randomslasher @ironwoman359 @princelogical

I'm scared bc I tagged some people I look up to aaaa

#sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #polyamsanders #deeshc #hc #logan hc #this was a wild ride #prompts for me

[belizedeservesbetter]

Oklahoma! Holy Shit!

You know what, I’ll say it. This is a perfect revival. 

Oh wow.

This is definitely one of those “run don’t walk to see it” kind of shows. I mean it. I’m honestly thinking of how I’m gonna see it again even though I just got home.  Who would’a thought I’d love Oklahoma! so much?

I honestly and truly think this is a perfect revival. Daniel Fish took the text and the show and did something entirely new and entirely different with it, but it was still in theme with the show and worked. Like he didn’t just do a stripped down and thematically amped up Oklahoma! for the hell of it. He did it for a reason, he didn’t do anything so dramatically left field, like, for instance, staging Oklahoma! in space or something equally absurd, but instead made it more immersive and in tune with actual Oklahoma. He also made it incredibly relevant, or maybe Oklahoma! was relevant all along and we didn’t realize that with Hugh Jackman at the helm. 

I guess there’s some spoilers in here, but not really cause it’s Oklahoma! and it’s been around for, well, a while. 

I’m so tired of revivals that basically do the original production all over again. This is the most unpopular opinion to ever unpopular opinion but while Hello, Dolly! was a great time (Gavin Creel is an all time fav of mine), I wasn’t totally in love with it. It didn’t take a single risk. And that’s a revival at its best! And at its worst - I’m looking at you, Carousel - if it’s not a good lavish traditional revival and it doesn’t do anything with the material, then I’m not a fan. 

Oklahoma! is one of the oldest and most well known musicals. I believe I read somewhere that it’s the first ever show to fully combine a story (or book scenes, I guess), songs and dance all together. I could be wrong, but my point is that Oklahoma! has essentially become a “school” musical. Every school has done it, even the fancy arts high school I went to that prides itself on doing “good” musicals. This could have gone very wrong very fast. 

Instead, it was marvelous. 

There are so many images in this show that are going to stick with me for a long, long time. This production was filled with so many powerful moments that I’d never ever expect. 

I love what Daniel Fish has done with this show, or more like what Daniel Fish has brought out of this show that was already there. What I saw was a show about small town isolation and small town traditions that hurt everyone except the few who benefit and how dangerous and scary the male gaze can be. What I saw was a show about “us vs. them” and moral grey areas of group conviction. This was all there before Daniel Fish directed this show, but I never saw it. 

This was actually a super frightening show. I felt on edge and super tense the entire time. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way during a show before but the tension is hot in this show and everything about it feels dangerous, partly due to performances and partly due to lighting, which I’ll address separately. 

The show itself takes place at a potluck in Oklahoma and it feels very modern and very fresh and very inviting. Much like how I feel during Sleep No More, I felt like I wasn’t in New York. I was at this potluck with these people and all the audience. 

The house lights stayed on for the majority of the show, which made the moments when it was dark (and when it was dark it was really dark) more poignant. Brightness is akin to openness in this world and darkness is isolation and loneliness and things that can’t be said otherwise can be said here. Light is also used as feelings and emotion and the rich green light during “The Surrey with the Fringe” and that deep orange during “People Will Say We’re In Love” very much so showed just how in lust Laurey and Curly. Lust, not love. To be clear.

I never got the sense that Laurey was really in love with Curly, more that she was super attracted to him physically and he was the safer option in this town in Oklahoma where she’s going to have to marry somebody and she’s gonna have to be a farmer’s wife because that’s how things are and always will be there so it might as well be Curly. That’s what I got from Rebecca Naomi Jones’ phenomenal performance. Her Laurey is smart but also anxious and unhappy but sensible but also very, very scared. Her Laurey knew what her lot in life was before the show started but finally accepted it at the end of it. This is, by far, Jones’ best performance to date. 

Curly, on the other hand, is doing what he’s doing because he can and because the town knows and loves him. And it’s so easy to love Curly, because Damon Daunno is Damon Daunno. He’s fantastic. He’s got such an interesting voice too. Someone at intermission said he reminded them of a peacock and I think I agree. His Curly was at ease when he was loved but desperate when he wasn’t. 

Him and Rebecca Naomi Jones give really different performances of these two characters so it was really interesting to see that paired with Ali Stroker’s very classic very to the book performance as Ado Annie. Ali Stroker is and always will be wonderful in everything she’s in. Her performance paired really well with the others, by that I mean her very classic comedic Ado Annie was a good match for the more serious and intense moments of the show. What I’m saying is she’s great! She’s wonderful! 

Mary Testa is a force to be reckoned with. I know Amber Gray is amazing in Hadestown (which I’m looking forward to see but not looking forward for that 5am rush line) but I’m ready to hand deliver Mary Testa a Tony Award for this performance. She commands the stage. She’s the moral authority and the backbone of the show. She’s hyperaware of everything and knows exactly how to fix things. Testa gave me the impression that she’s seen this all before. She gives off the impression that this is how it’s always been and always will be. She was hilarious but intense, all at once. 

The person who really walked away with this show for me though was Patrick Vaill as Jud Fry. His was such a sensitive and quiet Jud who was also terrifying and left me pretty shaken at intermission. He spends a lot of Act One sitting in a chair in a corner looking absolutely devastated, which is gonna stick with me for a while. The look on his face was heartbreaking. And no one would look at him at all. Even his big Act One scene (which I’ll discuss later because I loved it) took place almost entirely in the dark. What Vaill does with Jud is pretty amazing because he’s created a sympathetic Jud but a Jud who is still a scary person. I felt for him but felt scared whenever he spoke. You could feel this profound pain about him that I wasn’t expecting at all. 

And Jud Fry is where Daniel Fish really makes things interesting. A lot of the show becomes about how isolated Jud is from everyone and how literally no one in the town likes him. He’s incredibly lonely and the town very purposely wants him to fail. 

But that doesn’t excuse his actions. He’s still Like That and he’s still scary and there’s a reason Laurey doesn’t feel safe around him. Fish makes you feel for Jud but he never ever excuses his actions. Likewise, Vaill makes Jud human and I get where he’s coming from but at the same time he’s let his circumstances make him a monster.

How Fish and Vaill interpreted Jud really stuck with me for a lot of reasons. The first and biggest being that I knew going in that Jud is the quote unquote villain of the show so seeing him in Act One during his song really put me in a weird headspace because I know that guy. I know a Jud and he has a name and a face I’ll never forget. Not to get too personal on a theatre review but a good friend of mine was killed by someone like Jud just last year. Someone who was isolated and often separate from any and all groups but he was only separate because he was mean and scary and loved guns. So seeing that person on stage and seeing the surrounding world really resonated with me. But I was able to distance the Jud Who Reminded Me Of A Boy I Knew In High School and Vaill’s very sensitive portrayal of Jud on stage, which led me to think more about how Jud is a bad guy, but so is Curly. 

SPOILER but two scenes that really stuck with me are the Jud and Curly scene in Act One and the ending of the show.

The scene with Jud and Curly in the smokehouse talking about how people would like Jud more if he was dead was super interestingly staged. The two sit together and the lights go completely out and for a while we just hear them talk while sitting in the dark. But then we get this close up live video of Jud’s face projected onto the screen and he’s weeping just about the entire time and I thought this was so heartbreaking to watch. The scene itself is fascinating because it’s basically Curly telling Jud to kill himself - and with this staging it’s very much Curly’s dark side coming out and Jud’s human side becoming more apparent. This is the first time in the show we ever really hear about Jud from Jud himself, so the fact that we either don’t see him at all or see a very up close and personal live video of him (I think it’s nice that the actor who plays Will Parker is holding the camera in the two camera moments in the show. It made it seem like he picked up a camera during his time in Kansas City) is very intimate. Then afterwards with his song was really terrifying but expertly acted.

Then there’s that finale. Oh wow. That will stick with me for years to come. Watching Rebecca Naomi Jones scream the lyrics to Oklahoma while covered in blood is a gut wrenching image that shook me to my core. An even more blood covered Damon Daunno howling the lyrics while stamping his boots on the floor was something else entirely. The whole kangaroo court of it all with a steely Mary Testa doing what she has to do made my stomach churn. Just that whole cast screaming the song at the end was incredible to watch. The sheer rawness of it all and how primal and angry and scared it was. It felt relevant. I hate when people say a piece of theatre is “important” but this felt very important. I felt that anger and fear. I knew that anger and fear. 

Has Oklahoma! always had such good book scenes? I feel like I haven’t seen a good book musical in ages and seeing this reminded me how good musicals can be for the person who loves plays. This whole production was completely haunting from start to finish, from the decades old material to the brand new direction. 

Oh yeah, and the chili was delicious. 

#oh geez this got reaaaallly long #damon daunno #Rebecca Naomi Jones #ali stroker #review #broadway #oklahoma! #voice