#maybe I’ll do the kids for fun idk yet | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

grapejuicestyless · 4 months

Note

i have had this idea for so long, but i really think you could do this justice. sort of like the film the holiday!!! but not really set in Christmas and more so through the seasons. harry moves out of the city (doesn’t need to be a singer and could just be a CEO) into a small village in a lovely cottage where all of the furniture is mismatched and there’s sash windows which are always open. He’s there for a few months before he starts to feel lonely so decides to bring in a lodger! He hand makes posters and puts them on the village hall board and … he finally gets a taker! It’s a quirky girl who is totally all over the place and she moves in .. the seasons change and so does their relationship.. friends to lovers OR ACTUALLY maybe it could be so interesting for it to be enemies to lovers! That could be fun to write. But idk I’ve been thinking about it for so long !!! They could organise a dinner party for friends one night or maybe Harry goes away to the city for a meeting and that’s where y/n realises how much she misses him / likes him. Definitely has to be fluffy but also needs to have some drama. I haven’t figured that out yet 😭😭😭 I’m so sorry for this really long rambly post but I wanted to give u as much of my brain as possible lol. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to see what you would do with this / if it’s something you’re even interested in. Have a gorgeous evening / day / morning xxx love you!!💖💖💖💖💖

Bad People

Harry Styles x fem!reader

Summery: Harry and Y/n met by pure luck. Sharing secrets and laughing like little kids, ribs and cheeks hurting. Y/n is sure Harry is destined to be in her life forever. She’s just not sure when that became a bad thing.

FLANGST/FRIENDS TO ENEMIES TO LOVERS

The pale blue sky looked gray from certain windows. The glass was cracked and the stove stained with boiled over soup broth and old sprinklings of spices.

The birds sang solemnly, humming the tune to what I believed sounded like something you’d hear at a funeral. Here, the pavement was cracked and the stars were consistently covered with clouds. Snow, more often than not, fell heavily. From October to April. The nearby ocean nearly always too cold to swim in. The backyard pool cold and clean, still with nobody to inhabit it.

All the beauty ripped from the earth, and replaced with another kind of it. I wouldn’t mind it half as much, if I had someone to enjoy the snow with. To enjoy the polar plunges, the visible breath and numb fingers.

Like old times sake, snowmen and snowball fights. Sledding or fort making. Rosy cheeks and icy hair a memory of the past. Cheeks hurting from smiles, not the winter chill.

The laughter of my mother was long gone, and my brother outgrew his desire for a sibling as soon as he turned sixteen. Few friends, not any at least, that would enjoy the activities the white powder offered.

So now, I look out the window, nursing a glass of wine propped up on the windowsill. I don’t see the snow day ahead or pray for a white Christmas. I pray that one day, I’ll find someone to enjoy it with me. To soothe the pain little eight year old me suffered with the absence of her father, her distant mother and her selfish brother.

“Looking at it won’t make it fall any faster, Y/n.” The puff of air coming from my nose fogs up to cool glass, and my fingers leave prints along the center.

He’s not looking at me, he rarely does when we aren’t fighting. It’s like I disgust him. I feel like a fool every god damn time.

“Have you always naturally been an asshole or did you grow into it?” I don’t look at him, but I feel his gaze settle on my reflection in the glass. His voice alone urges me to take a large drink from the wine glass. The ruby red staining my top lip. I spread it around and taste the bitterness of it on my tongue.

He begins to leave, almost succeeding without a passing glance, but biting his tongue is something Harry nor I have ever been able to do. So it’s natural how he goes for the last word.

“Theres only so much wine, Y/n.” He teases. I down the rest while he walks away. The sigh that leaves my mouth after I feel the ghost of him leaving me isn’t only for air, but because suddenly the room feels lighter.

It’s funny, how someone so special can leave such a disgusting taste in your mouth. Hatred doesn’t just happen. It creeps, seeps, saturates. It’s a pesky little thing that starts small until finally you can’t ignore how bothered you are. It’s vile and cruel. A poisonous little thing that no one is immune to. It’s a sad yet funny thing. To remember that it wasn’t always like this. I didn’t always hate my old friend, bounded to me through the home we share. I once enjoyed the company of Harry styles.

It was nearly a year since I’d moved in. A year since the slow turned to thick ice and roads became bare with people too afraid to try and navigate through the harsh winter.

Nearly a year since I first saw the house at the end of the road, with a neat front lawn and a tree with hanging branches ready to snap.

A red scarf and red mittens is what I wore. With a faded brown coat and worn blue jeans. A hat on top of my head and a journal tucked underneath my arm. He had the greenest eyes I had ever seen. The stars in the night sky didn’t quite shine as bright as his eyes, I swore it to myself.

He had an english accent, one that I wasn’t familiar with. Peach fuzz and dark chocolate curls a mess on his head. When I told him my job, he laughed, but something about his shocked expression after told me he didn’t mean it cruelly. Rather, that he was shocked, or just piecing the puzzle together.

“I’m my mother’s daughter.” I told him, “She always had a thing for poetry. The sappy ones with the tragic endings. I got it from her and I’m damn good at it.” I smiled at him then, and he smiled back bigger.

“It’s just funny. Moving somewhere so quiet for a job all about fantasy and adventure.” He explained, already guiding the two of us through the wide doorway. I set my boots in the old entryway which it seemed he had turned into a mud room. I admired the shade of green on the wall and nodded along. My cheeks hurt from smiling.

That night, while settling into my new space, I shared with him my life. My goals and dreams. With his toothy smile and boyish eyes, he made it so easy to trust him. I sat on my newly made bed and he sat in my spinning chair by my desk. Moving it back and forth, swaying slowly. A cigarette started dangling from his pocket, I still remember the way he took it between his thumb and his index finger. Rolling it around, debating whether or not to light it. It was like he didn’t know he had it.

“I didn’t take you for a smoker.” I laughed at him, he laughed back. Shy almost, only looking at me for a moment.

“M’not. A few here and there. Helps to wind down.” When he ran his hand through his hair, I remember seeing all his rings. A rose and two with his initials. One looked like a lion. That one was my favorite.

Other than his charming smile and infectious laughter, I knew nothing of him, I had come to realize. Here he was, knowing about my family and friends. My job and my hobbies. All I had asked him was his name.

When I asked him, he was just as talkative as I was. A sparkle in his eyes when he talked about his job. I remember specifically, how they lit up extra bright when he mentioned his mother, Anne, and his older sister, Gemma. I learned about his job too. Harry had everything he could ever truly want. The money, the power, the glory. His office at the top floor overlooking the bustling city that never sleeps. Families dancing around the square and traffic backed up into the city line.

The sad thing was, that even with all this pride he got to carry with his reputation, the city was no home to him. The summer held no comfort. Not the same now that he was long out of school. The heat was simply uncomfortable. His lavish suit sticking to his skin. Even the air conditioner couldn’t soothe the pounding of his head against the strong New York heat.

His nose stung in the summer. The warmer it got, the worse it smelled. Garbage littering the streets no longer covered by thick snow. Tourists and their children filling up all his favorite places of relaxation. Each carrying their own scent from home. The calming pine from the North or the tangy citrus of the west coast.

Harry felt no true love for his home anymore. No real attachment. There was no smell of home, and there certainly wasn’t any old faces with their gravelly voices and thick accents. If it weren’t for the business there, he would’ve fled somewhere else long ago. Somewhere quieter. Somewhere that felt like home. If he could, he would have tucked himself back into the small home his mother raised him and his sister in. He would’ve curled up happily in his twin bed and looked out the same crooked window each night and feel happy with only that.

He tells me that when he got in the car waiting for him at the airport, he was tempted to tell the driver to take him home, to see if it would make him smile. He’d seen the gag used in all the old rom-coms he and his mother used to watch. The short blonde running from the love of her life only to be led back into his arms. But Harry know’s better. He tells me so. So when the driver asks him where to, he tells him the address.

He told me about his work life. How there was a branch out in the UK. The one that started it all. And as his success grew, so did his aspirations and his needs. London no longer provided him with the luxury and opportunity that New York could. So he swapped out his office for a penthouse and acted like the smell of burning garbage and mysterious wet spots on the sidewalks didn’t bother him.

It’s a vicious cycle. To outgrow, to long for, to move, to hate all over again. Thats how he decided that London has just what he needed. His business within reach and smaller towns surrounding its borders.

“And what about now? Are you happy?” Harry crinkled his eyes then, smiling a nodding along. He didn’t even mind it then, when I would interrupt. In fact, he welcomed it. Claimed he loved hearing me talk.

I agreed with him when he said that the grass is greener down here. The stars are just that much brighter and theres not a single car honking their horn past nine. All things that left him feeling a whole lot calmer than the chaos of the city.

Here, Harry told me he didn’t mind not living in a lavish penthouse just a few blocks away from his work. Here, he was hours away from the city. He stays in a medium sized cape cod styled house, pre-decorated from the past owners who didn’t care to take their things when they left for something bigger. It sticks out from the rest of the homes nearby. He wonders how something so different ended up within the same area. And he smiled and sat on the floor when I laughed and told him he’d already lived quite the life for a nearly-thirty year old man.

When silence took over after over an hour long conversation, I bit at my nails and looked at the floor. Suddenly, it came to me.

“Harry?” I had asked. He hummed, looking at me. Even if I hadn’t looked back, I could still feel his eyes on mine. “What made you want a roommate?” When my eyes flickered up to his, I saw no hate, or disgust, or shame. Nothing that I am familiar with now in Harry’s eyes. I saw curiosity, warmth and happiness.

“I like the quiet. I like being able to sleep without someone yelling down the hallway. I like how green it is over here.” I nodded, waiting for him to continue. “But the quiet get’s lonely. And while I like the quiet, I hate being alone.” And it made me smile back then. Maybe it still does thinking about it know. He had been helping me in finding a home, some place warm to stay. Meanwhile, I had been able to give back. Give him what he wanted. At the time, my heart warmed.

For a long time after that, Harry made my heart beat fiercely. He brought me flowers and made us pancakes. Freshly picked blueberries from the local market. He cracked jokes and I repeated them back between our broken laughter, imitating his english accent.

He was a charming man, with an energy that invited and kept you drawn to him. Everyone wanted to be around Harry. The men and the women. Always wanting a piece of the pie. I felt rich in life, that while others had to work for a lifelong friendship with him, naturally, we fit together. We worked.

He entered my life by some kind of coincidence. I needed a place to stay and he was offering a room up.

When he brushed his thumb over my knuckles and kissed the skin, I believed we would be like this forever. Just the two of us.

When he whispered to me that he loved me that same night, I thought it was something he would never take back. Something that would never change. His warm breath and glistening eyes. He was red and shiny. A bottle of the cheap champagne sat on the table and an empty glass beside him. I let his lips trail around my hand and laugh at his antics.

“Harry.” I mumbled into the darkness, he doesn’t move. I silently giggle again after he puffs air out of his own nose onto my hand playfully. His shoulders shake with his own fits of laughter, “Harry.” I call out again, and my eyes are met with his dazzling emerald ones. I almost got lost, forgot how to talk looking at him.

My palms were sweaty with nervousness then. My heart beating out of my chest. I wanted more than anything to tell him everything. As a poet, it should have been easy to put my thoughts out in the open air. But they hadn’t sat within me for long enough to curate a straight forward answer.

How would I even manage to start on how beautiful I thought his brown hair was? Perfectly colored like milk chocolate treats that curled over his forehead. Or his toothy grin which pulled butterflies from the pit of my stomach and made me feel lighter? I couldn’t find just one thing to focus on. And the words that came out of my mouth tumbled out quickly.

“You’re my best friend.” I hoped that he would’ve been able to see how much love I held for him in my face. How even in the dim lighting of only the fireplace and the fading lamp in the corner, he could see how they sparkled just for him.

He pulled his hand away after that, clearing his throat and nodding. But he smiled so softly after that I didn’t see how his eyes welled up with tears. I only saw his perfectly pink lips and his rosy cheeks. For once, I wasn’t focused on his eyes, and I paid the price.

He never made pancakes for us after that night. Nor did he ever pick flowers from the fields or crack jokes until our stomachs hurt. My hand was never slotted between his and my head didn’t rest on top of his shoulders. His was colder, more distant. Quiet.

But the quiet grew old for us both. And the slipping away hurt more than anything I’d ever experienced. I was everyone else in his life. Fighting for a spot in the light so he would see me, smile at me, acknowledge me.

Part of me wondered why he never asked me to leave. To pack my bags and find another innocent man to love because he wouldn’t tolerate it anymore. But he never did. Harry hated being alone and I knew better than anyone else. I knew it because I was his best friend at some point. We shared the same breaths and drank from the same glasses. I wore his shirts and he used my hair clips. He kept me around not because he still wanted me, but because he still needed me. And the realization of it all hurts worse than the silence because it’s then I know that I’ve really lost him. It leaves me with the question, ‘What have I done to deserve this?’

I think back on that night when our world shifted on its axis and I go over every word that was said. I check for any signs of discomfort or anger and I find nothing. It plagues me with a new insecurity.

Maybe it wasn’t something I’d said, maybe it wasn’t something I’d done. Maybe the warmth from the champagne grew cold in his blood and the false euphoria from it all cleared from his peripheral vision and he realized that I was no longer enough. I was not what he wanted. The idea of his roommate becoming his only friend too pathetic for a man with such power.

Soon after, I stop putting up a fight. I stop fighting for a spot in his life and I stop trying to win back a man that was never mine. I figured at least if he could never be mine and I would never be his, at least I still got to see his pretty face everyday. And I could imagine that we never drifted.

I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost. The tears running down my cheeks are hot, burning my skin until my throat dully aches and my chest is red with flakes of nail polish and the dragging of my nails clawing at my chest.

I am sobbing, broken and tired. I dream of a life that is not as miserable. I dream of a life where I no longer doubt the things I love. Where I don’t have to question my friend’s loyalty.

He knocks on my door, leaning against it in only his flannel pants. He has tattoos that compliment his skin so well. He looks like a painting. I’m relieved to see him again. Even if it’s under these circumstances.

I wait for him to speak, even if it’s merely a mumble. Even if I cannot understand.

“Can you stop crying? I can’t sleep.” He requests. My lips part and I swear my lungs collapse within my chest. I can’t breathe and somehow I remain composed.

“Okay.” I say quietly, nodding along and trying to find his eyes. They look at the floor, and his face is contorted like it pained him to say that to me. Like it was against his will. But he doesn’t even look at me.

When he leaves, I collapse, shoulder shaking with rage, sadness, confusion instead of the contagious laughter that once rang out through the halls.

I decide then, July moon shining through the sash windows of my room that I couldn’t continue holding onto Harry. My heart still beats for him and my eyes still sparkled when his own lingered for just a moment longer on me, but I couldn’t like him.

Hatred doesn’t just happen. It creeps, seeps, saturates. It’s a pesky little thing that starts small until finally you can’t ignore how bothered you are. It’s vile and cruel. A poisonous little thing that no one is immune to. It’s a sad yet funny thing.

After that night, his selfish wishes turn to bitter comments which turn to vicious attacks at my confidence. And my resilience and devotion to silence, to ignore the cruelty of it all is worn thin. My bitten tongue is freed and I am betrayed by my own words. My own comments targeted at his deepest hurts. It’s a mutual hate between us, a mutual dislike.

We live within the same four walls, the same windows and creaky roof over our heads. We cook in the same kitchen and we sit on the same couch, but we cannot stand each other anymore. The house is no longer filled with love, and the warm heat turns to bitter cold. And yet, neither of us have the guts to leave.

We sit here, in a life thats so mean to us just because we are afraid of the loneliness that is surely to come with the other’s absence.

We are here, but we aren’t present. It makes me laugh, it makes me wonder.

Who could ever leave me? But who could stay?

The candles burned down to the floor, wax melting over the wood as the lights set a warm, homely mood for the night. The late December rush throughout the town turned to the few and far between searching for last minute supplies to ring in the new year. It’s peacefully still outside, and the dining room looks so nice I forget why the candles burn and our nicest plates are set out.

Harry insisted on having a small gathering with some of our friends to celebrate the new year before he went away for sometime for work. Being roommates, despite our lack of interest in establishing our own friendship, his friends become my friends and mine become his. It’s a fairly large group that was once two. But have now become so closely intertwined that it seems hard to differentiate who was friends with who first.

There was wine, pastas and breads. Hams and potatoes. Drinks and endless desserts. It felt nice, to have all those people we cared so deeply about chip in and help to create such a lovely meal for the few of us.

Hearing that first doorbell ring to see all of our friends stood proudly on our crooked doorstep made my heart flutter. Sarah, Mitch, Pauli, Elin, Charlotte, Nyoh. All holding various foods to add to the never ending supply on the multiple tables set in a row.

“Harry! Y/n!” The enthusiasm from our friends seemed to lighten the mood, letting the heavy feeling of heated arguments and constant anger slip down my back and into the farthest part of my brain.

It was times like these where I’d forget how to hate. How to spread anger and disgust to someone who clearly showed none of it in return in these times. Here, Harry was talkative. Always plastering on a fake smile and wave.

He was good at pretending. And while the walls of the house had seen a different story, those around us were innocent, forever unknowing of how Harry constantly belittled me, bothered me. Of how I was no better. How my tongue was sharp and my words shot to kill.

Nobody minded the difference in height of the dinning room table against the kitchen table. How one was round and the other a rectangle. Both covered by one long table cloth. Nobody minded the soft music in the background or how the light wasn’t the brightest. The soft flickers never mentioned.

We let the candles burn until they had nothing left to give, and we ate until it was bare and our stomachs hurt. Here, I never felt like I was trapped. Here, I remembered by I came to live with Harry in the first place. And I was thankful. It was times like these I couldn’t help smiling like an idiot. Cheeks sore and eyes crinkling. I would laugh at just about anything, trust anyone and agree with everything.

“When are you going to tell him?” An elbow to the ribs pulled my gaze from the end of the table, my smile dropping for only a moment at the sudden shock.

“Sorry?” I mumbled softly into Sarah’s ear. Her eyes glimmered with something mischievous, like she knew something that I didn’t. She licked her pink lips and looked briefly back to the end of the table. All the way over by the dining table, sat a few feet away and a couple inches higher, was Harry. Laughing and talking with Pauli and Elin about anything and everything. I couldn’t quite make it out over the soft chatter of Mitch and Charlotte and the clinking of forks on plates.

“Harry!” She called softly. When my eyebrows furrowed she rolled her eyes, sighing heavily.

“I don’t get it.” Forking another bite of vegetables into my mouth, I watched her fight for the right words to say. Her lips finally settling on the soft smile I knew very well.

“Don’t play dumb, Y/n. I know that look. Better than anyone. Thats how I look at Mitch.” She playfully nudged my shoulder. Did she believe that I held any romantic feelings for Harry? I couldn’t, it was impossible. Right?

His rude remarks and his mean demeanor. Sure, at one point my heart beat for the brunette with an infectious smile and shiny green eyes, but now it was a memory of the past. Another pretty face who had thrown away all of his charm and care and exchanged with unwavering cruelty.

“Oh, no. Sarah, I don’t think about him that way.” I tried to wave her off, trying to sound the least amount disgusted by her assumption. I couldn’t help but wonder why she thought that.

“I don’t believe you.” She sounded smug, crossing her hands on my thigh and giggling. “You don’t have to. I believe myself.” Brushing her off, I take another bite of any remaining scraps on my plate. Trying to avoid conversation.

“Come on, you seriously don’t see it?” She sounded exasperated now, even more so when I nodded carelessly. She was getting tired of my avoidance to the conversation, my disinterest in her false discovery. Still, the longer she pushed, the more I felt the heat rush to my face. The more my cheeks burned and my skin tingled.

“I’m serious, Sarah. I don’t look at him in anyway. He’s just my roommate. Nothing more, nothing less.” I lean back, volume brought down to a mere whisper with the dying laugher at the other end of the table.

“Well, he’s your friend at least, right?” The lump in my throat was unswallowable. With the growing tightness in my throat and the clamminess of my palms. I wanted nothing more than to slip away and pretend this never happened. So, I bite my tongue and nod, eyes flickering to Sarah while I do so. I pray that she doesn’t see the tears welling in the corners and how glossy they’ve gotten in such a short period of time.

“Yeah, he’s my best friend.” The lie stings, burning as it comes out. Partially because I hate lying to my dear Sarah, but mainly because at some point it was the truth.

Harry was my everything at one point in my life. He might as well have hung the damn moon and stars. I thought the world of him, wanted nothing more than to feel his arms wrapped around mine all the damn time. And it killed me that we’d gotten so far away from that idea that I had to lie about even being acquainted with him.

“Word of advice.” She started, eyeing Harry carefully. My eyes remained glued to the table, fork wobbling between my pointer finger and my thumb. “Best friends don’t look at each other that way.” And when she finished what she wanted to say, I swear my heart just about stopped. All color draining from my face and my eyes rapidly blinking away the tears by now.

Setting my fork down, I ignore her playful smile and the nudge of her shoulder into mine. I look for another face to converse with, to make me begin to forget everything I was trying so desperately to escape. When I search the table, it seems like each person has found themselves in deep conversation with the other. All but one.

And his green eyes capture mine in a way I haven’t known in so long. I’d forgotten what it was like to be the center of his gaze. How thrilling it was. With my eyes, glossed over and heart beating through my chest, it seemed impossible for me to ever consider looking away. His chocolate brown curls and sweet pink lips in a gentle smile. It was consuming and alluring. Irresistible even.

A face that once disgusted me, shattered my heart, angered me and knocked me down with no air left to breathe seemed not all that frightening anymore. And the warmth that spread in my chest scared me more than anything.

I begin to realize, maybe Sarah was right. Maybe that was why I hated him so much. I didn’t hate Harry Styles. And thats why it hurt just that much more. I didn’t hate him at all, in fact. No, rather my poor heart couldn’t handle the heartbreak and deflected in the most malicious way possible. I missed my best friend.

“Y/n.” Sarahs voice pulls me from my haze, and my eyes are flickering over to hers quickly. Lips still parted and eyes still wide.

“You’re crying.” I hadn’t felt the salty heat dripping down my cheeks until she announced it. My skin too numb from embarrassment to even understand what was happening.

My tongue is tied, and my throat is killing me. I feel like I might vomit if I stay here any longer. I can’t be here any longer, I can’t do it. Not when I’ve just realized what I did. I feel what I felt all those months ago when Harry told me to stop crying. When he shut me out for good and became bitter. I feel all air leave my lungs and my knees wobbling. I am going to collapse.

“I just need air.” I say all too loudly, pushing out the chair clumsily and stepping back. The loud scratch of the wooden legs of the wooden floors turns heads and my heavy breathing tells me to get the hell out.

I pardon myself after that, waving off any concern from Sarah, and making sure nobody else saw my escape. Everyone’s still deep into conversation when I turn the corner. All but Sarah and Harry. But neither of them make a move to reach me. I let myself collapse on my bed, mascara running down my white sheets and back aching from how stiff I became at that table. I silently pray that I’ll sleep through the rest of winter.

When the dinner got cold and we’d all run out of things to say, we all look around and silently agree to part ways. It was nice to have some company, I enjoyed being around these people so much. My heart should have been full, yet it felt heavy and empty all at the same time. Littered with a guilt I wasn’t even sure was mine.

I’d seen the way she looked at me. Really looked at me. Glossed over eyes and a quivering lip. She was red with the rush of adrenaline in her blood. Anyone could see how quickly she began to breathe. It was like she was stuck, consumed by something so strong that it left her powerless, weak, crumbling quickly under an undetermined pressure. She started to cry, biting back a sob by biting harshly into her bottom lip, eyes shaking while she searched my face. I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened. Who had said what, and how I could help her.

I wanted to yell at whoever hurt her this bad. And the feeling of that in itself was unsettling. How my heart still longed to comfort, protect the heart of the girl who once shattered my own with her own words. More than that, I wanted to scream when nobody followed her when she ran. How nobody cared nearly enough about why she was so upset.

I couldn’t understand why I was so invested in her. Someone I was sworn to hate. Someone I had teased and fought for months and let hurt me constantly in retaliation.

But then again, we were no better than one another. We never were. Always saying too little and not opening up quite enough. Creating issues instead of solving problems. We were explosive, nobody could hurt me quite like she could and yet, I felt horrible that she was so upset.

Like the day I’d found her pacing restlessly across the floor. Skin blotchy and eyes puffy with tears. Throat sore with the violent sobs ripping through them. I’d wanted to hold her then too, but I was too bitter to do anything but tell her to quiet down. I felt the same guilt in my bones. And I make the same mistakes I made the first time. I watch her break down and sit with the uneasiness of it all.

Mitch lays a hand over my shoulder, his other arm wrapped around Sarah as he leads her through the door. His eyes look sad and tired. But his smile is genuine and filled with concern.

“Check on Y/n for us okay? Sarah thought it would be best to leave her be for now.” His hand left my shoulder and the door shut quickly after. Leaving me with the unbearable silence and loneliness I felt so frequently nowadays. It breaks down my walls and scares the shit out of me.

Maybe thats why I make my way to the kitchen, shuffling slowly along the floors and leaning slowly over the makeshift tables. A bottle of rouge in one hand, a pack of cigarettes in the other. I stuff them in my pocket and hold the bottle close to my side.

I’m slow, delaying the inevitable question. When I knock on the door, it’s quiet. Almost like I’m hoping that if it’s soft enough, she won’t hear and I can pretend she was ignoring me. But, she does hear me, and she calls out a raspy, muffled welcome, signaling for whoever was hidden behind the door to come through and take in her puffy eyes and wet cheeks.

My throat tightens when I smell her perfume. Something that I would have drowned in not so long ago. She has clothes thrown on a chair in the corner, the same one I sat in so many months ago. I’m tempted to push them off and just sit in the silence with her like we once enjoyed doing.

Her head is in her pillow and her arms are underneath her. She is unaware of who she has let in, but her silence and unmoving body tells me she’s lost all ability to care. I want to leave. I want to turn around and convince myself it was all a mistake. I’d checked on her and she was still alive and well. I’d done my part and I could go on guilt free and forget about how crushed she’d looked just hours before.

When I begin to turn on my heels and pray for this day to be over, I see something unforgettable. A small Polaroid from last year. Just weeks after she’d moved in and charmed me with her beauty and whit. She’s sat with her legs over my lap and my arms around her body. We couldn’t be any happier, and the memory makes my chest sting.

She still cared enough to keep up the old memories of us, even after all the fights and mean glares. Why did she have to keep the damn photo up?

Guilt consumes me once again, and I am faced with the sad woman in front of me, still in the same place as before and just as sad as before. My feet betray my mind, and soon I am stood beside her bedside table with a bottle of wine dangling between my pointer finger and my middle finger.

The glass knocks against her shoulder in a silent invitation. My eyes wordlessly asking her to follow. Her eyes are red, and her lips still shake. She looks completely torn apart, desperate and distraught. Disheveled even. But for some reason in my blurry head, all I can think about is how absolutely beautiful she is in the pale moonlight.

“Come on.” I ask her softly, offering her my hand. When she takes it, she’s nodding already. Trusting a man who deserves no second chances, no trust whatsoever for his cruelty and his inability to communicate. But she follows regardless.

I can’t help but realize how having her so close feels good.

He lights the cigarette for me and watches as I let it burn. My lips twitch as they wrap around the end, tasting the bitterness of its contents and the dry paper.

“How did we end up here?” I ask him, looking over the horizon. The waves are calming over here. They almost silence the ringing in my ears, despite the distance between where we sit, feet dangling over the empty pool edge and the large grass behind it.

He shrugs, snagging the cigarette from my hand delicately and taking a long drag from its end. We swap, my hands wrap around the neck of the wine bottle. It’s tinted green and nearly full.

“Unlucky people, I guess.” He looks at his feet. They dangle in the pool beside mine. You can see just how close we are in the turquoise tint. How the lights make us look less vibrant.

“I wouldn’t consider us unlucky.” I look at the sky, and I can feel his eyes on my face. It makes me swallow, how intense his gaze is. It almost makes it feel that much more real.

“Why’s that?” He asks, twisting the bud out on the cement. It stains the freshly cleaned grey stone an ashy black, but I bite my tongue.

“We had each other. Maybe we aren’t the best people, maybe we’re cruel, but I’d rather argue than live in solitude, right? Company can’t be bought. Even the most painful of it. That’s something real. Something without a price. And we’ve got it.” And it’s true. We fight and we throw shit. We stain the walls and rip the curtains. We start fires and try to blame the other. We make a mess and make amends. But a house isn’t a home without someone to share it with. And at least if we had to suffer to get there, we got it.

“Thats some of your poet shit.” He laughs sadly into the silence, looking at his feet. I laugh along, though I can tell he was only half joking. Then, I let the silence wash back over us. Forgetting how we almost had a full conversation.

“I’m not a bad person. I don’t know why I’m so mean.” He says sincerely. It’s sudden too. I can tell from the rawness in his voice. How his eyes tear up and his lips quiver. His voice cracks. Our feet hang off the edge of the backyard. It’s a quiet life. Even now. With our fights and all the fraud. But it’s never a lonely life, and we only have each other to thank for it.

I want to tell him I know, and I’m so sure of it. I’ve seen the real him, we might just not mesh together. But we once had, and that fact alone holds me back. He takes the lack of response and an opportunity to excuse himself. Pulling his body up by the arms and grunting through the sliding back door. I sit alone in the backyard for hours, body curling up into itself and layers of clothing becoming less than enough after some more time.

“I know.” I whisper into the silence. I know he’s not a bad person, I know it so well and I am so certain of it. I knew Harry once. He’s loyal and kind and the smartest man I’d ever met. And I miss knowing him like that so much.

I thought for a second tonight, I’d gotten part of him back. And maybe I had, but he left so soon I couldn’t really tell all that well. He’s left me back in the silence, wondering what happened to us, and what will happen to us. Why he came to get me, and why he even bothered to open up to me. But he never gives me the time to properly ask, even if I planned to.

I ring in the New Year alone.

The next morning he’s gone. Back to New York for his business in the big city and I am left to sit and think about what was said. A half empty bottle of wine stained with my red lipstick and glitter on the floor from old party poppers Charlotte and Elin had made sure to use before making their exit. I repeat his words.

He’s not a bad person, so why is he so mean? It’s best left unknown. Because if theres one thing I fear more than anything, it’s the realization of rejection.

Even from a man I hate so entirely, it consumes me. That I could not stand to be faced with the fact that Harry and I do not get along simply because we do not work and not because of some other underlying reason.

After all, we had it all. Gave each other everything the other had wanted. Food, shelter, company. There was really so explanation for the bitterness between us.

After all, all this time, despite his anger and hatred, he never left me to the wolves. And despite my heartbreak and sadness, I never left him with an empty home.

A wise man once said to never bite the hand that feeds it. Yet, here we are. Ripping skin from bone until we are left with nothing. We are the ungrateful, the selfish, the cruel. And we both believe that we are in the right.

I am so scared of rejection from this man who I claim to hate because he is the hand that feeds me and I am the hand to him.

We aren’t bad people, so why are we so mean? We recognize all we have to be grateful for, so why do we bite the hand that feeds us?

I guess the vulnerability of it all must have scared us. And while facing the storm, we did what all people do. We let fear consume us and we bite.

Somehow, through all of this. The realizations and the tears and wine and dusty ashes, I love him. Even with my teeth sinking into his skin and his own in mine, drawing blood, I love him. I love Harry Styles. He is my best friend and I am his. That is why I am scared and that is why it hurts so bad. Not because I simply missed him, but rather because my heart was devoted to a man who did not want it.

My fingers fumble over the pad on the phone. I type up his phone number by heart and let it ring. He answers quickly, still waiting for his plane at the airport.

“Y/n?” I can hear the bustling crowds around him and the loud engines taking off from other terminals. I imagine he is plugging one of his ears and mentally cursing the noise for making it so hard to hear.

“Come home.” My breathing is unstable, and my hands run through my hair so much I create new tangles by my neck.

“What? No, Y/n, I have to go. People are expecting me.” He starts to explain how important this is for his business. How it would be so much simpler to be there rather than over a computer screen.

“Fuck them, who cares! Harry, I need you, and I want you, please just listen to me for once. Don’t scoff, or…or roll your eyes or leave! Listen to me this once and if it’s not worth it to you, I promise you’ll never have to listen to me again. Please, it’s important.” I ramble, endless pleas met with silence. I can feel the rejection coming, I can hear the way he chokes on a breath, debating what I said.

“Okay.” The phone goes dead with his promise to come home. With the continuous beeps, I slowly come to terms with what I’d just done. But I do not feel panicked, or scared. I feel lighter with the fact that I am about to tell the moody boy something I wished I told him a long time ago.

The door opens with a creak, keys jingling in his large palms. I’d spent the morning pacing the kitchen. Leaving a trail of confetti behind in my wake. I hadn’t cared enough to clean with my endless thoughts and extreme amounts of adrenaline.

“Y/n?” His voice was unsure when it rang out. As if he didn’t know what to expect. The door shut behind him not long before I came rushing around the corner, fingernails bitten to the skin and hangnails bleeding profusely.

“God, Y/n what the hell…” Taking my hands into his, he examined the redness of my irritated skin stained further with dry blood.

“I know.” I looked at him, and he looked back at me like I was crazy.

“What?” His thumbs bent over the backs of my palms, holding me in front of him.

“I know.” I breathed out again, looking at him with such sincerity, praying for him to understand. “You’re not a bad person, and I know it because I know you. Because we fight and we tease and we scream and cry. But I know you because once we didn’t do all of that. And I needed you to know that because it wasn’t fair of me to make you believe that to be true after everything you’ve done for me.” My voice shook with how vulnerable I felt myself becoming. Harry’s hands only tightened the further I explained.

“But what about all I’ve done to you. Y/n, I’ve been awful to you and I never even told you why.” He tried to argue. I shook my head, biting my lips.

“I haven’t been much better.” I smiled sadly. He shook his head back.

“No.”

“Yes.” I blinked hard, pushing back the tears that formed watching his own gather by his waterline.

“No, Y/n, I’ve been horrible. I’ve been mean.” He tried to push away everything I was trying to ignore.

“And so have I.” I tried harder to make him understand.

“But you only did it because I had. And for what?” He finally spoke, voice raised with so much desperation behind it, I froze under his touch.

“Because I loved you so much it drove me fucking insane? Because I still love you and I’m afraid if I can’t get you to hate me I’ll never be able to stop.” He was crying now, pleading with me to make me see his side of things. All I could do was shake my head.

“Harry I could never hate you.”

“But you could never love me.” He argued.

“Thats not true, Harry tell me you know that it couldn’t be true.” I rip my hands from his grip to rest them on his cheeks. I try to wipe away his tears, but his hands cover my wrists and pull them back down.

“How could I? You said it yourself. All those months ago, I told you. I held you close and I told you I loved you. You told me I was your best friend. You couldn’t even pretend!” Neither of us could tell if he was angry or just sad. Maybe both, but no amount of denial would calm him down.

“I didn’t have to, I still don’t have to pretend! Harry, I only said that because I was so fucking scared. Scared of us, of me, of you. Of losing you if it didn’t work. And I lost you anyways, I would’ve just said it if I knew I’d lose you like this.” Our chests bumped and his fingers slipped between mine.

“Y/n.” He whispered into the silence, over our heavy breathing and salty tears.

“I love you, and I miss you.” He didn’t say anything. I could feel him slipping away as soon as his response never came. Not a single word left to say between us. Not a single amount of energy left to fight.

And then he was kissing me. Hard and sweet. Like I was everything he’d ever wanted and more. Like he was hungry, needing more and more of something he had always wanted but could never have. And at the same time, it was soft and tender. Like he never wanted it to end. My back arched within the grip of his wandering hands and my fingers tangling in his curls. I swore I would never let him go.

But it was a swear I couldn’t keep, because air dwindled quickly and spit strung between our lips. Something I would usually gag at, but didn’t mind at the moment. His forehead against mine and arms gripping the fabric by my hips so tight if I moved he could have ripped it.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized in between his heaving breaths.

“Me too.” Looking at him, I could see the red staining his lips from the makeup I’d slept in. It made me laugh, which in result made him smile.

“What? What!” He laughed along cluelessly, letting me back away for a moment.

“You have something-“ I pointed again his mouth and smiled.

“Oh do I? Do I?” He kissed my cheek, smearing the remnants of our kiss across my cheek. “Still there?” He asked with a sly grin. Like he knew he was winning.

So I kissed him hard again, smearing red around his skin and his pink lips with so much love, there was no denying my feelings anymore. There was no hate left to give.

“Yeah, you do.” It was yet another fight, but not one I minded.

After all, thats what we did for so long, it was what we were good at. The teasing and the fighting. Only now it wasn’t bitter, it was playful. And we didn’t coexist with the sole purpose of it.

Because now I was his and he was mine. And this knowledge answered all my questions, all my doubts I’d had before about our relationship and our shared insecurities that led us down this scaring path.

Harry was my best friend, and I was his. And there was no love greater than that.

#harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #harry styles imagine #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry x reader #fine line harry styles #harry styles #yn x harrystyles #yn x harry

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defectivevillain · 11 months

Text

this broken design, ch5

summary: “Dr. Lecter?” You blink a few times, convinced that you’re dreaming. The man’s gleaming eyes and concerned expression seem a bit too realistic to be conjured by your sleeping mind, though. You’re not sure if you’ve ever seen him look worried. You quickly decide that you don’t like it.

“Hannibal, please,” the doctor responds nonchalantly. You stare at him in utter confusion. Just what is happening right now? You thought you were dreaming, but this feels a bit too vivid. “What are you doing out here?”

read from the beginning here! [this won’t make much sense, otherwise]

[ao3 version]

notes: I privated my ao3 account so that only registered users can see it... since all the ai stuff has been going on and I'd rather be safe than sorry.... I'm not sure how many ppl follow with the series here on Tumblr, but I figured I'd post it here too, in case any of you don’t have an ao3 account... [I posted this a bit ago on ao3, so apologies for the tardiness]

the gif above is so funny. the lil head tilt is killing me, idk.

warnings: panic attack, self harm (digging nails into skin), franklyn having zero boundaries

You’re in Hannibal’s home again. You really need to have more self-preservation—you’re practically a gift-wrapped murder victim here. Although, he hasn’t killed you yet. Maybe you’ll be fine. Perhaps you aren’t as rude as you thought you were. The thought amuses you.

Inexplicably, as you’re speaking with Hannibal, he asks you to accompany him to the opera. The request is so unexpected that it takes you several moments to realize you heard him correctly. Hannibal stares at you expectantly and you take a deep breath.

“You realize I don’t know the first thing about opera,” you remark apprehensively. “Surely there are far better choices than me.” Doesn’t he have acquaintances that are more suited for this type of outing? You’re certain you would look extremely out of place amidst the typical visitors. Surely, Hannibal knows that he will put his reputation at risk by bringing you along. You try to convey those sentiments in the eye contact you’re currently maintaining with the man, but he doesn’t seem dissuaded in the slightest.

“You are my friend and I want to spend time with you,” Hannibal states easily. You envy his ability to be so straightforward with his thoughts and feelings. “Is that really so strange?”

“I suppose not,” you frown. Fond of breaking doctor-patient boundaries, are we, Dr. Lecter? You dispel the thought. Admittedly, from the first moment you interacted with Hannibal, you knew he would be more than a psychiatrist. You’re happy to consider him a close friend now.

“Are you amenable?” Hannibal then asks, just before you can zone out and lose focus.

“When is it?” You ask, despite knowing that you don’t have much going on this week anyway.

“Tomorrow night,” Hannibal answers. You raise an eyebrow.

“Rather late notice,” you say, if only to make him sweat a bit. Of course, Hannibal’s perfectly crafted mask remains in place. “Did your date cancel on you?” Hannibal’s eyebrows furrow and he crosses his arms over his chest. You decide to take pity on him and stop messing around.

“I’m just kidding,” you interject with a grin. It’s kind of fun to see how much you can push Hannibal around. You get the feeling that no one really questions him. It’s amusing to see him scramble for an explanation, even though the effort is perfectly rehearsed. “I think I’m free; I’d love to go. You just may have to deal with my complete ignorance when it comes to opera music.”

“I think I’ll survive,” Hannibal smiles. Is he playing along? You raise your eyebrows in surprise. Admittedly, you weren’t expecting that. It’s nice to know that Hannibal can take a joke.

“Anyway, thank you for inviting me into your home again; I hope I’m not intruding.”

“Of course not,” Hannibal says with a shake of his head, as if the very thought is ludicrous.

“I invited you.” Hannibal then excuses himself for a moment and you take the opportunity to look around his kitchen. You suppress the extremely compelling urge to look through his drawers—you know what you’ll find and you’re certain you don’t want to see it. Instead, you let your eyes rove over the polished cabinets and clean counters. Just before you can lose interest, your gaze falls on the rolodex. Interest peaking, you decide to walk towards it.

It appears the rolodex holds business cards of people Hannibal has met. You idly flip through the rolodex, needing something to occupy your restless hands. A few of the names are (unsurprisingly) ones you recognize. It takes you a few moments of observation to realize just what purpose this rolodex serves. It appears this is a list of potential murder victims. Flipping through the various business cards, you don’t see a common denominator. “Whenever feasible, one should always try to eat the rude,” Hannibal had told you once. On second thought, these business cards are probably people that Hannibal has determined to be rude. You go through the names with renewed interest. A few of them are rather fancy. One even looks remarkably close to yours. You move to the next one before a breath catches in your chest and you find yourself returning to the one that caught your eye.

The business card is extremely similar to yours—same color and font. You squint at it, heart racing in your chest as you look at the name written on it. It must be another government agent, surely. You all have similar, standard-issue business cards. You just hope it isn’t any of your acquaintances. You’re expecting to see anyone from Jack Crawford to Alana Bloom. You close your eyes for a moment, before finally giving in and reading the name. It’s… It’s your name.

You stare at the card in disbelief. Where did Hannibal get your business card? It has your name, phone number, email address… It even has your office location at headquarters. You swallow past the trepidation building in your core. You can’t quite stop the choked laugh that escapes your lips. You let your guard down. You had foolishly hoped that maybe, just maybe, things would be different. You let your guard down and, now, your name rests amidst the names of current and future Ripper victims.

“Is everything alright?” The timing could not be worse. Hannibal walks in as you’re looking at the rolodex and you quickly turn around, trying to shield it from his view. You’re not sure what expression is on your face, but it must be suitably harrowed, because his face twists in concern—mock concern, your mind supplies. “You look rather shaken.”

“Yes, of course,” you answer. It takes every ounce of practice you’ve accumulated to keep the fear from your voice. You sound slightly flat, but you’re convinced that you’ve mostly concealed your true feelings. “Apologies, Dr. Lecter. I think I’d better get going.”

You can tell that Hannibal is suspicious, but you don’t give him the chance to ask you about it—instead deigning to murmur a quick goodbye and walk out to your car. You’re infinitely grateful that you had the foresight to drive yourself. You’re not sure that you would’ve had the energy to maintain your composure in Hannibal’s company.

You wait until you’re a sufficient distance from Hannibal’s home to sag in your seat and sigh heavily. You’d been growing too big of an ego. Hannibal is the Chesapeake Ripper. The two of you are friends and you foolishly assumed that your friendship gave you immunity. Clearly, that isn’t the case. You need to remember yourself, remember that the composed dinner host you often sit across from is a practiced killer. One false move and you’re dead. Once you get home, you spend the remainder of the evening in an anxious and paranoid haze. It takes you a while to fall asleep that night and, when you do, the Ripper follows you into your dreams.

The next morning, you receive a text from Hannibal—which includes the details of the opera and what time he plans to pick you up. It takes you several moments to ground yourself in reality and remember that Hannibal isn’t aware of your knowledge that he’s the Ripper. Once you collect your composure, you insist that you can drive yourself—but he waves off the suggestion and maintains that he’ll drive. Admittedly, now that you’re thinking about it, you don’t have the slightest clue what to wear. You’ve never really been to an opera performance before, and you can only imagine what the people in attendance will be wearing. You have no idea where to begin searching for an outfit. Your closet isn’t exactly the best.

Eventually, you swallow your pride and text Hannibal. He knows you’re not sophisticated, you think to yourself. Asking him for help isn’t that embarrassing. In fact, you’d rather ask and lose a bit of dignity than try to puzzle it out on your own [and fail miserably.] Hannibal is quick to respond—almost as if he had been expecting the question—and says that he’ll bring clothes for you. You immediately have several objections to that, but they fall on determined ears. You regret asking, now.

A few hours later, there’s a quiet knock on your door. You open the door to find Hannibal waiting on your doorstep, folded clothing in hand. You shake your head in exasperation and let him in. “Thank you,” you say, taking the clothes he’s extending out to you. You still feel the need to try to argue one more time. “I could’ve found something on my own.”

Hannibal looks you up and down, in a manner that makes you feel extremely self conscious. You aren’t exactly wearing the fanciest clothing right now, but that’s only because you knew you’d be changing. “Doubtful,” Hannibal remarks. You glare at him, only to find his lips twisted in that slightly amused smirk. You roll your eyes.

“I’m going to change,” You then realize that this is the first time that Hannibal has been in your home. He’s driven you many times, but he’s never gotten out of the car before. “Feel free to explore, I guess.” You’re struck with the sudden mundane feeling of shame, as you recognize how much less luxurious your home is. Hannibal doesn’t seem to mind, though, as he starts to walk around and look at things. Meanwhile, you head to the bathroom.

Once you place the clothes on the bathroom counter, you’re once again realizing that you’re out of your depth. The outfit he’s given you is extremely lavish: an extravagant suit with dress pants. Upon further examination, you realize that he even gave you an undershirt. You push aside all the strange, conflicting feelings you have about sharing clothes with your psychiatrist. Unsurprisingly, the clothes smell very strongly of Hannibal’s cologne. It takes all of your resistance not to cough once you put them on. You’re not very fond of fragrances to begin with, since they often give you headaches. But, you know you have no right to complain. It was extremely generous of Hannibal to lend you clothing, and you don’t plan to disrespect the gesture by complaining about his cologne. You put on the rest of the clothing and assess yourself in the mirror. You look rather good, you have to admit. Of course, it’s all due to Hannibal’s clothing. You take a moment to brush your teeth again before walking back out into the main area of the house, where Hannibal seems to be looking at your decorations with a keen eye. He turns around upon hearing you enter and, for a long moment, the two of you stare at each other in silence.

Inexplicably, Hannibal breaks the distance between you and reaches out. Your heart is racing in your chest but you manage to remain still. He fiddles with your collar for a moment before stepping back, apparently satisfied with his work. You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.

“Better?” You ask sardonically.

“Much,” Hannibal remarks. “Shall we?” He holds out an arm and you scoff. Hannibal freezes and you do, too. Shit. You hadn’t meant to scoff aloud. You compensate by putting your hand on his arm and he sends you a smile that is almost… fond. You immediately disregard that notion.

The drive to the opera house is enjoyable. Hannibal is one of the few people that you feel comfortable enough to share silence with. You don’t feel the need to constantly fill the air and, so, you spend most of the ride staring out the window and looking at the trees. Before long, Hannibal is pulling into a parking space and the two of you are ascending the stairs leading to the opera house. The building is rather grand, with beautiful towering pillars and elegant statues decorating the path to the entrance. When you enter, you’re unsurprised to see Hannibal’s mask slide neatly into place.

Evidently, Hannibal has been here before, because he navigates the opera house with practiced ease. There are several people that greet him upon his entrance, and he smiles and sends them a courteous wave. You idly wonder if he truly likes any of these people, or if he merely tolerates them. As you continue to walk in, you’re brutally aware of the gazes searing into your back. You’re sure that Hannibal will be the talk of the town soon enough—you get the feeling he never brings people to these kinds of events. Indeed, he seems the type to want to appreciate art in solitude. You debate asking him once more if he’s okay with being seen with you here. Within a few moments, you’re finally in the area where the performance is scheduled to occur. Hannibal leads you to your seats—which are in one of the balconies—and you can’t suppress your thoughts any longer. Thankfully, it seems no one else has found their seats in your section just yet.

“You realize how this looks, right?” You finally ask. Hannibal sends a curious glance at you and you refuse to acknowledge how handsome he looks right now. You avert your eyes for a moment, instead watching as the people below file into their seats. “Everyone thinks that I’m… you know.” Hannibal continues to stare at you with a blank expression. Damn it, is he really going to make you explain it? You try to push past your embarrassment and remain professional. “I think they’re under the impression that we’re… dating.”

“The thought makes you uncomfortable,” Hannibal states, crossing one leg over the other. That must be why he chose these seats—he probably needs the legroom. The people below are milling about, talking with one another. You’re grateful that these seats are isolated from everyone else—there’s no expectation for you to talk to anyone.

“No, it doesn’t,” you clarify, wondering how he justified that leap in logic. “Besides, if anyone’s reputation is going to be at risk, it’ll be yours.”

“I appreciate your concern,” Hannibal says, something akin to amusement on his face. You’re not sure what he’s finding so amusing—you don’t think your statement was far-fetched or unreasonable. From the moment you walked in, you noticed quite a few people staring at Hannibal and you. They seemed to be making their own conclusions about the two of you; you just wanted to warn him. “I am not worried about my reputation.”

“You think your reputation won’t be affected?” You squint at him, trying to watch for a reaction. “...Or you just don’t care?” Your companion is silent for a moment.

“I was under the impression that I was the psychiatrist here,” Hannibal then remarks lightly. He sends you a look and you feel a momentary inkling of shame.

“Sorry,” you grimace. Hannibal’s lips quirk at the sides—a sign that he isn’t truly upset about your sudden psychoanalysis. You feel the need to justify your reaction regardless. “It’s easy to slip into the criminal profiling mindset sometimes,”

You spend the next several minutes having lighthearted conversation. It’s rather nice. The theater slowly begins to fill up until, finally, the lights dim and someone appears on the stage. To your surprise, the performance is rather enjoyable. You must be rather horrible at hiding your preconceptions, because Hannibal sends you a knowing look after the first song. You pretend not to notice the smugness radiating off the man, and instead focus on the singer. They’re quite talented, unsurprisingly. You’re not quite sure how much the tickets were, but judging from your surroundings, you’d guess they were rather expensive.

You take advantage of the brief intermission in the middle of the program to use the facilities. Once you’re finished, you move to go back into the theatre. However, there’s suddenly a hand grabbing your shoulder and you’re forcefully guided into a deserted hallway. You chance a glance over your shoulder, only to find a far too familiar patient of Dr. Lecter’s: Franklyn Froideveaux.

“Franklyn,” you remark, feeling extremely apprehensive once you recognize him. The man is wearing a three-piece suit again, but this time it’s eerily similar to something Hannibal might wear. You frown at the thought. Franklyn’s obsession with Dr. Lecter is really rather creepy. If Hannibal weren’t such a capable killer, perhaps you’d be worried for him.

“I saw you with Dr. Lecter,” Franklyn states matter-of-factly. He crowds you against the wall and you have to lean back against it to avoid touching him. The look in the man’s eyes is unnerving. It sends a shiver down your spine. There’s nothing in his irises except madness.

“Yes,” you respond, once you realize that Franklyn is awaiting an answer. You don’t tell him that Hannibal invited you, but he seems to come to that conclusion on his own.

“What did he do?” Franklyn asks. “Did he hold the car door open for you? What cologne does he wear? I have a few ideas but I can’t decide between them.” You feel your head begin to ache at his persistent badgering. You’re deeply unsettled by him.

“What’s it like being friends with Dr. Lecter?” He continues. Franklyn doesn’t even give you a chance to respond, as he continues rattling off questions. “Is he a good friend? Do you two spend time together?”

“Um-” You try to say, only for Franklyn to stop mid-tirade. His eyes quickly lock on the suit you’re wearing and you grit your teeth. This is easily one of the most uncomfortable interactions you’ve ever had, and it isn’t even over yet. You flinch as he puts a hand on your shoulder.

“That’s Dr. Lecter’s clothing,” Franklyn remarks, a dangerous gleam in his eyes. His fingers dig into your shoulder and you wince. His grip is beginning to hurt; you think you may have bruises later. “You’re wearing his clothing.”

“No, I’m not,” you try to argue.

“Yes, you are,” Franklyn asserts, not indicating that he’s hearing you or even seeing you. His eyes are glazed and it almost seems as if he’s looking directly through you. “He lent you his clothes. Why? What does he see in you?”

Ouch. That hurts for a microsecond, before you then realize that Franklyn’s opinion bears absolutely no relevance to your life. You want to speak on those thoughts, but there’s a crazed look in the man’s eyes and you decide to stay silent. Franklyn seems to take your silence as an argument itself, though, because his hand tightens on your shoulder rather painfully. You try to shove him off, but the man’s grip is unyielding.

A familiar voice calls your name from further down the hallway. You squint, only to find Hannibal walking towards the two of you. There’s an inexplicable expression on his face, and you can’t even begin to dissect it.

“Hannibal,” you breathe, unable to hide the relief you feel at his presence. Franklyn finally releases his grip on you and you reach a hand up to massage your shoulder. The man’s attention is off of you now, thankfully.

“I presumed you to be lost, but I see that notion is incorrect,” Hannibal says, his gaze flitting about your face as if looking for any sign of distress. He then looks at Franklyn, disinterest and boredom evident in his expression. Of course, Franklyn doesn’t care to notice it. He sees what he wants to see, you think to yourself. “What is going on here? Franklyn?”

Franklyn looks to you expectantly, as if waiting for you to lie for him. You instead remain silent. You know that, right now, telling the truth will unnecessarily escalate the situation. Besides, your exhaustion is starting to catch up with you and you can’t find the energy to continue the conversation.

“We were just having a friendly conversation.” Franklyn answers. Hannibal looks to you for confirmation and you avert your eyes. Meanwhile, Franklyn seems to be falling over himself in an attempt to secure Hannibal’s attention. “Dr. Lecter, it’s so nice to see you here,” Franklyn says, his voice a far cry from the manic lunacy from before. The sudden change is rather dizzying. This man is suffocating to be around. “You know, I thought this might be your kind of place. I was just speaking to your friend here…”

You place a hand on your temple, beginning to get a migraine from the sheer burst of emotions surrounding Franklyn. Your skills in criminal profiling typically allow you to get a sense of other people’s feelings. At worst, you can get a trace of what they feel. Right now, however, you feel every emotion Franklyn is exuding, and it’s enough to make your vision grainy and fuzzy. He continues prattling on, but all you can sense is the horrible flood of obsession, jealousy, and a visceral desire so palpable that it makes you nauseous.

You put a hand to the wall behind you, feeling the need to brace yourself against something. Everything in the background falls to a dull buzzing rhythm—Franklyn’s giddy conversation with Hannibal, the muted sound of the performance that you can hear through the walls. You close your eyes and beg for the torture to stop. Maybe Franklyn will take pity on you and walk away. Maybe Hannibal will lose his patience and walk away, too—you wouldn’t be surprised.

Suddenly, there’s a hand on your forearm. You vaguely register—through swirling vision—Hannibal leading you further down the abandoned hallway until he stops and pushes you into an armchair. Despite the overwhelming emotionality that Franklyn practically assaulted you with, you manage to scrounge up a rather large amount of guilt.

“Sorry,” you choke out to Hannibal. Your breathing is still a bit rough and your clothes feel incredibly constricting. You roll up the sleeves of your jacket—well, Hannibal’s jacket—and try to stammer out the rest of your apology. “Feel free to go back inside; I just need a moment.”

You place a hand over your aching temple and another on the arm of the chair. Selfishly, you think that you could use Hannibal’s support, but you don’t want to occupy his attention when the performance is still happening. You close your eyes and try to pretend that your ears aren’t buzzing. You wait to hear his footsteps as he retreats; you wait to hear an acquiescence. A few seconds pass. Instead, there’s a hand on your shoulder.

“Dr. Lecter,” you choke out, your eyes beginning to burn. You wipe at them furiously, despite knowing that the effort is futile. “Go back inside.”

“No,” Hannibal says. You can’t see the expression on his face through your blurred vision—you just pray that it isn’t annoyance or irritation.

“I’ll be fine,” you maintain through gritted teeth. You think you hear Hannibal sigh at that, but it could easily be your imagination. The man looks down at you before pressing a cool hand to your forehead. Despite knowing that he’ll withdraw his hand in a few moments, you can’t help but lean into the touch.

“I’m sure,” Hannibal remarks, pulling you up to your feet and steadying you as your balance wavers. He places your hand on his arm and the two of you walk back in the direction you came. To your surprise, when you reach the door to the theater, Hannibal pivots and leads you towards the exit. You shake your head in disbelief as humiliation, shame, and guilt battle for prominence in your chest. Before long, Hannibal has led the two of you into his car. The moment you’re in his car, you bury your head in your hands.

Everything in your vision feels harsher and sharper. You begin to dig your nails into your palms unconsciously, hoping for some means to establish yourself in reality. You don’t realize you’re doing it until Hannibal reaches out and pries your hands apart. Your hands are trembling ever so slightly and you ball them into fists.

You’re not sure how much time you spend trying to regain your composure in the passenger seat of Hannibal’s car. Dignity is a foreign concept. You’re sure the embarrassment will catch up to you later—perhaps when you’re home and have some time to think.

At some point, Hannibal begins driving. Thankfully, the roads aren’t bumpy and the ride is rather smooth. He’s entirely silent and you feel the beginnings of remorse prickling along your skin. Hannibal never asked you to explain your interaction with Franklyn, but you feel that he deserves to know what happened.

“You realize Franklyn’s in love with you, right?” You blurt out, before quickly turning your head to look out the window and avoid Hannibal’s gaze. Truthfully, you had hoped to lead into that a little bit more. Somehow, that statement was what came from your lips.

“Yes.” Hannibal responds, his eyes still locked on the road. You take the afforded opportunity to look at him, confident in the notion that you aren’t being observed right back. Hannibal seems… entirely unruffled. Then again, he always looks unbothered. You wonder if you’ll ever be able to notice when something bothers him.

“He asked me what cologne you wear,” you decide to start with. You describe how you had tried to make your way back to the theater, only to be stopped by Hannibal’s patient and led off into a secluded hallway. “Franklyn knew that I was wearing your clothes; he also wanted to know what it’s like to be friends with you.”

“What did you say?” Hannibal asks, his attention still focused on the road.

“Nothing; he didn’t let me get a word in edgewise,” you admit. You run a finger along the smooth fabric of your shirt sleeve. Unbeknownst to you, the sleeve had started to roll up on its own; you take a moment to fix that before continuing to speak. “He’s so… suffocating.”

“It seemed his presence was harming you,” Hannibal remarks bluntly. You nod in agreement. At first, the interaction was merely uncomfortable. However, once Hannibal appeared, Franklyn’s emotions hit you with full force.

“I could feel everything,” you break off for a moment. “The love, the obsession, the jealousy, the envy… It was overwhelming. That man is the darkest person I’ve ever met.”

“He isn’t a killer,” Hannibal points out. That’s true—you’ve seen your fair share of killers, with minds so dark that you couldn’t hope to find an escape. Even so, those criminals were… straightforward. Franklyn, on the other hand, is a paradox.

“I know,” you acknowledge. “Franklyn is extremely neurotic, though—arguably the worst I’ve ever seen. It’s stifling. He has debilitating control issues and a crippling urge to prove himself. He’s often a victim of his own envy and jealousy. His self-concept is… I can’t even begin to describe it.” Yet, there’s a thinly-veiled hunger in Hannibal’s eyes—he wants to hear what you have to say. You inhale slowly. Again, you feel as if you owe him for absolutely ruining his night. Besides, you’re sure that he already knows all this information anyway. Franklyn is his patient, after all.

“Franklyn is sort of… a shapeshifter, for lack of a better term. He’ll adjust and change himself to fit the situation best. When he’s in love, he’s dangerously obsessed. His unconventional actions are reassuring to him, though, because they give him a modicum of control—a control that he cannot possess over anything else.” You have a lot more that you could divulge on the matter, but you decide to stop there. Again, you’re convinced that Hannibal already knows all of that.

“I see why you’re Jack’s best profiler,” Hannibal says, finally looking away from the road to look at you. His eyes are glittering in the darkness. You roll your eyes at the unnecessary compliment, too tired to start an argument. To your surprise, when you look out the window, you realize that he’s driving down your street. That car ride had passed rather fast and within a few seconds, Hannibal is pulling into your driveway.

“We’re here,” you announce unnecessarily, grabbing the door handle and stepping out of the vehicle. To your surprise, Hannibal also gets out of the car. You squint at him in confusion, but he doesn’t seem to notice. You’re not quite sure what he’s playing at, but you’re too exhausted to figure it out. Instead of inquiring about his sudden interest in following you inside, you simply allow him to do so before closing the door behind him.

“Do you want your clothes back now?” You ask, unable to come up with any other explanation for his presence in your home. It’s not that you mind his intrusion—not at all, actually—but you’d feel more comfortable for a legitimate reason for his presence.

“If that’s acceptable,” Hannibal answers, breaking you out of your thoughts. His eyes are fixed on something on one of your bookshelves. You shake your head at his strange fascination with your living room decorations.

“Sure, I’ll go change; mind waiting here?” He assures you that he doesn’t mind waiting. You shut the door behind you in the bathroom and stare at yourself in the mirror for a moment. There are dark circles under your eyes and you look a little frazzled. Otherwise, you don’t look bad. Amazingly, you managed not to ruin Hannibal’s clothing—a feat you’re rather proud of yourself for. You settle for changing into a simple long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants. As you change, you neatly fold Hannibal’s clothing into a pile. Once you’re done, you glance at your reflection one more time. You take a half-step backwards but, before you move to leave, your eyes catch on something below your collar. You squint and lean closer to the mirror, convinced that you’re seeing things. Somehow, though, you’re not. After a moment’s hesitation, you pull your shirt collar to the side, only to find harsh marks on your collarbone and shoulder. They’re almost in the shape of a handprint and it doesn’t take much detective work to realize who they’re from—Franklyn.

That realization is not very welcome, and you decide not to think about it right now. Remembering that Hannibal is waiting on you, you grab the folded pile of clothes and walk back out to the living room. Unsurprisingly, Hannibal is looking around with a scrutinizing gaze. You walk up to him and hold out the clothes, but his back is turned. You eventually just decide to place them on the entryway table—he’ll have to see them on the way out.

“Thank you for inviting me, it was very fun,” you smile. Hannibal turns around, seemingly just noticing your presence. Just what is he looking for in your humble living room? He certainly won’t find anything of value. Furthermore, your decoration skills are nowhere near his. You can’t find a reasonable explanation for his behavior and, eventually, you have to give up on trying to rationalize it.

“I’m glad you found the night enjoyable,” he answers diplomatically. You raise an eyebrow at the stiff response. Perhaps your little… episode… had annoyed him more than you initially thought. Another apology certainly wouldn’t hurt.

“I hope I didn’t ruin your experience too much,” you wince, sheepishly shoving your hands in your pockets. Hannibal shakes his head, before taking a step closer to you.

“On the contrary, I found the performance more enjoyable with your company,” he asserts. Hannibal still looks as handsome as he did when he first appeared on your doorstep this evening—not a hair out of place. You swallow hard, before roughly shoving the thought aside—now is not the time. “I apologize for Franklyn.” Your eyebrows furrow. Why is he apologizing?

“You can’t control his actions,” you say, waving his concern off. “No harm done.” At that, Hannibal’s expression darkens. He takes another step closer, until the two of you are standing face to face. For a while, there is nothing but tense, uncomfortable silence.

“I disagree,” Hannibal says darkly, his hand resting lightly on your collarbone. Before you can protest, he’s gently pushing away the collar of your shirt to look at your shoulder. He frowns and you realize that he’s looking at the marks Franklyn left behind. If you had thought his prior expression to be dark, the look on his face now is nothing short of murderous. You feel your breath stalling in your chest, as you ground yourself in the realization that you’re standing in front of a killer with absolutely nothing to protect you. Hannibal moves to cup your cheek with a tenderness you thought him to be incapable of. His touch makes your skin feel licked with flames. Each breath you take feels labored and harsh. You swear you see Hannibal’s gaze fall to your lips for a brief moment, but you put it down to your imagination. It’s kind of late and you’re tired—you’re probably just seeing things. For a long moment, neither of you move or speak.

“Good night,” Hannibal says, a strangely determined expression on his face. His gaze keeps moving to your collarbone and you idly wish you had concealed the marks better. His hand falls from your face and he stares at you for a long moment, as if regretting your parting. You make sure to remind him of the pile of folded clothes, which he takes into his arms before turning around to leave.

“Good night, Hannibal,” you respond, opening the door for him. You watch as he enters his car and drives away. Despite the knowledge that he’s already out of sight, you feel the urge to wait a few more minutes before looking away. Finally, you close the front door and fall back against it, your mind reeling.

chapter six

#defectivevillain #Hannibal Lecter x reader #Hannibal Lecter x male reader #hannibal x reader #hannibal x male reader #hannibal x gn reader #Hannibal Lecter x gn reader #hannibal lecter #hannibal nbc

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sillyfluffs · 3 months

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As promised… a little bit of lee Veneer ;3

Velvet is embarrassed and big mad at Veneer so he pays the price for it lol

Velvet was ANNOYED.

And Veneer had been incredibly annoying all day.

So she wanted to seek out some revenge.

Especially for what he pulled earlier that day.

Velvet and Veneer had an interview again, and Veneer was being a cheeky lil shit, and tickled her and caused her to squeal and laugh pretty loud during the interview and it made her highly embarrassed.

Kid Ritz couldn’t help but laugh at the two siblings, and Orchid (who had been watching was absolutely squealing and fangirling at this info about Velvet LOL) but after the interview a very red in the face Velvet had shoved her brother down on the couch in the dressing room.

“VENEER! How DARE you embarrass me like that?!”

Veneer couldn’t help but laugh nervously.

“Eheh… I-I was just playin Vels… s-sorry??”

“You WILL be sorry for what you pulled on me back there!!”

She wasted no time in digging her fingers into his sides and causing Veneer to squeal and bust out laughing.

“EEEAHAHAHHAA VEHEHELS!! IHIHM SAHAHAREHEEE!! MEHEHERCEHEHEE!!”

Velvet was enjoying torturing him already and just kept at it, making sure to get his ribs as well.

“I don’t think you’re sorry enough yet!”

“IEHEHE AM HEHEHHEE!! NOHO WAHAHAHIT-!!”

Veneer was very much so a drama queen when it came to this and was whining in between his laughs. You can tell he didn’t mind it though, he enjoyed just goofing around and playing with his sis, and he definitely knew he had it coming!

Velvet smirked and just kept teasing now scribbling along his stomach.

“Don’t think you didn’t have this coming! I’ll decide when you’ve had enough.”

Veneer just kept giggling like the goober that he was, honestly he was having fun despite how torturous it was for him. Veneer also just wanted to let his sister let out whatever steam she had on him. He could take it, or could he? He screamed when she went for his armpits.

“AAAAHHAHAAHA WAHAHAHAIT!! ANOOHOANOTTHEHEHERE!!”

Velvet grinned in satisfaction and just kept at it.

“Can’t take what you dish out huh baby bro~? You knew what was going to happen if you kept provoking me didn’t you?”

Veneer was red and absolutely in hysterics. Yeah ok, he did know what would happen! Maybe he just liked bonding with his sister and seeing her happy, and getting to play and have affection given to him. It kind of felt nice. Even if it tickled so badly.

“NYEHEHEHHEE—!! IHII SAHAHAID I WAS SAHAHAREEHEE VELHEHELS!!”

Velvet scoffed and rolled her eyes.

“Like I believe that.”

She then went to his hips and squeezed, causing Veneer to squeal and jump.

“AHH—!! OHOKAKAHAY IHIHI GIHIVEEE!! PLEHEHEASE!!”

Velvet shook her head.

“Let’s see, not only did you tickle me at this interview, but last I checked, you CONSTANTLY bug me and get ALL my spots, I think it’s only fair I do the same to you for being the bratty little brother that you are!”

Veneer snorted and smacked at the couch, kicking wildly as Velvet went for his thighs.

“VEHEHEHLHEHEHE!! IHIHI WOHOHONT BOHOTHER YOHOHOU ANYMOHORE!!!”

Velvet snorted a laugh.

“Yeah right!”

Veneer kept trying to plead his way out but it obviously wasn’t working, so he just threw his head back and kept laughing his head off. He was in tears now and just let his sister continue on.

He screamed when she went behind his knees.

Velvet smirked as her brother smacked the couch wildly and kept cackling like crazy.

“This is what you deserve~”

“AHAHAHA VEHEHEHELS!! PLEHEHEASE— OHOHOGOHOD—!!”

She immediately went for his feet straight after, causing him to snort and smack the couch even more.

“OHAOHOKAHAHAY IHIHI GIHIHIVE!! PLEHEHEASE VEHEHELVS!!”

Velvet kept going.

“Hm idk… whats in it for me~?”

Veneer snorted and tried to bargain.

“IHIHILL LEHEHEAVE YOU BEHEHE AHAHAND WEHEHEE CAN GOHO SHOPPING AHAHAFTER THIS- IHIHIL DRIHIVE UHUHS— HEHEHE!!”

Velvet looked intrigued and immediately stopped.

“Ooo that sounds fun actually! Let’s go now!”

Veneer panted and laid there trying to catch his breath.

“O-ohakay… p-please give me a sec… oof…”

Velvet was already running out the door shouting at Veneer to hurry up, and Veneer, lightheaded stumbled onto his feet to go after her. Living with Velvet was a handful. But he loved his sister dearly and would do just about anything for her, even if she was a lil brat at times.

Veneer would definitely give Velvet a break for now though.

#lee!veneer #ler!velvet #trolls 3 tickle

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thesmurfchick · 2 months

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So like… if the Survive kids had to Jogress, what do y’all think the partnerships would end up being?

I think the easy pairings would be like, Takuma + Minoru, Aoi + Saki, Kaito + Miu, and Ryo + Shuuji, but Takuma already has a Jogress partner (the professor), and Adventure 02 tried to make the pairs between people who didn’t previously interact much, and who had to work to reach/understand their partners in ways no one else could

Sooo… if we follow the original concept, I was thinking these?

Takuma + Akiharu

This one’s already canon, so I’m not gonna go into it askldfjskgh

It’d be fun to explore their dynamic though! Maybe I’ll write more about them in another post

Saki + Miu

They don’t interact much in-game, but I think pretty much everyone agrees they’d get along?

Saki could empathize with Miu feeling trapped and weak, and/or reassure her that she’s not a burden

I think the fact that she’s so emotionally attuned could also help Miu address her feelings in ways she might be too young to know how to?

On the other hand, Miu could reassure Saki that she’s amazing and that everyone loves her

She could also possibly provide insight as someone who has been rejected by almost everyone around her, and how she handles it on her own

Saki’s main issue is her fear over her illness, and how she’s desperately trying to live in the present to avoid it -- Miu could empathize with that and how she turned to the occult as a way to cope with everything’s that happened to her

She could also reassure Saki that, even if she’s not the strongest physically, she’s very strong mentally, and that could encourage Saki during a bad time

Aoi + Miyuki

Idk I feel like this could be very interesting?

Like, on the surface, Aoi would play “mother hen” to Miyuki

But Miyuki would end up being the more grounded of the two, and help support Aoi in her own way

Miyuki has the self-assuredness that balances out Aoi’s overthinking and insecurity

She also has a very peaceful presence that could ground and calm her

On the other hand, Aoi can help take care of her or even teach her anything she might not know after the 50 or so years of only having half a soul :)

I honestly don’t know how to pair the boys, because I was trying to avoid pairing either Shuuji or Minoru with Ryo, because I think both of them interact with him a lot in the game? (I haven’t played through the Truthful Route yet, so I’m not 100% sure on this one)

But then that only leaves Minoru + Shuuji and Ryo + Kaito and… I have no idea how the Minoru + Shuuji partnership would work. Idk Shuuji well enough (I only know his general backstory and how Ryo helps him) to see how Minoru would or wouldn’t be a good partner for him.

Maybe a good alternative would be Minoru + Ryo and Shuuji + Kaito? I think those would be more mutually beneficial

I tried to keep the partnerships same-sex to mirror the ones in Adventure 02, but if we don’t follow that rule, I was also thinking these:

Saki + Minoru

The one who’s very emotionally aware + The one who cracks jokes even when someone is having a psychotic breakdown

But also: The one who likes being told sweet lies + The one who wants so bad to be a real hero

I think they could end up having a very helpful/supportive partnership after they get over their initial hurdles

Kaito + Saki

Saki isn’t afraid of speaking her mind to him, which I think he’d value a lot

I think there was a part where she shares how it feels to be overprotected, and he actually listens to her? I can’t remember if that was a part in the game or if it was in a fanfic I read or something tho… someone please help me

Similar to Miu, I think he could help her not give a shit about how other people think, and reassure her that she’s loved and valued (in his own awkward way)

…I think my bias for Saki is showing

Aoi + Ryo

Their dynamic has a lot of potential!

He’s blunt enough to call her out/bring her back to earth when she’s overthinking/spiraling with anxiety

But not so blunt that he doesn’t know how to reassure her

Aoi can mother hen the mama’s boy

But also give him support if he’s ever feeling down

Like, if the honor student who was in charge of taking care of everyone tells you you’re perfect the way you are, who can argue with that?

I’m sorry if I’m not characterizing Ryo properly, I need to hurry up and play the truthful route

Shuuji + Miu

Oldest + Youngest who are both younger siblings

Miu has a sort of innocent straightforwardness to her that I think could be a good balance to Shuuji’s tendency to spiral

She could encourage him to act out more; he could gently chide her if she’s acting out/reckless without overreacting the way Kaito does

Idk I feel like Shuuji could be a fun playmate for Miu to bully into playing with her

I think he’d feel awkward at first but find fun in it in his own way

Experience the childhood he never got to have

#digimon survive #what other pairings would y'all think of?#also i'm sorry in advance if i'm mischaracterizing Ryo and Shuuji #i need to finish the truthful route #i don't wanna tag everyone there's too many

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sollucets · 7 months

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rowan’s gmmtv2024 report:

hi everyone im back from my interview (i dont know yet but i’m hopeful, cross your fingers for me) and im supposed to take a nap before work but i have to yell a bit first you understand

(positives)

1. pluto……. oh my GOD

you guys dont get it i was Really into midnight museum june. i tried my best to watch a lot of things i really didnt like just for namtan tipnaree. i like her So Lots. and namtanfilm i just fully….. had no idea. absolutely none. but it works!! i love it!!! the plot is bonkers (your dead(?) twin was the girlfriend of a now-blind girl that you're lying to now?) and under normal circumstances i wouldnt be interested but namtanfilm Killed this trailer and i also know im going to have Bad second couple syndrome re: whatevers going on with ciize. i love ciize so much.

this was so so soooo good n unexpected . girls kissing onscreen at My gmmtv announcement? :') plus their bathtub scene & that princesses moment.. yeah. that fucks

2. my golden blood

photo proof of me going mildly ballistic about the rumors last week. i did indeed say a few unholy things shortly after this. and to have it be a VAMPIRE BL? gods save us all im going to be so annoying. i was a twilight kid you know it im going to shovel this into my face with abandon

im so down for vampire au fanfic main character princess gawin honestly. wanted by supernatural creatures for his sexy special blood! bridal carried! blood on his university top!!!! i love it i love it i love it

is this objectively a tad embarrassing? yes. are the special effects painfully cheesy? yes. do i care? no 💜

3. peaceful property

this was just so fun to watch the trailer :’) i really love the found family vibes i was getting plus the over the top ghost shenanigans. i’m a casual tay tawan enjoyer & i do really love jan (alex&nim / newjan in warp effect were very fun to me). the trailer felt very warm n fun and bright, so im down. im into it

4. the trainee

we are in “sure i’ll watch that” territory now instead of extreme excitement but i thought this trailer was really fun & cute. i love view, obviously, so the amount of screentime her character got was good for me, and im 👀👀 about those girls. and offgun’s relationship seemed really fun & genuine :’) this seems nice! dont let me down!

5. wandee goodday

i think this looks fun! its a higher heat but still silly, which suits, and it appears to have fake dating which is a weakness trope of mine. also this is one of my bingo squares (adult non-office bl) so yes absolutely ill watch this. thank you p’golf but Please can we get podd Something this time

(mixed feelings)

6. kidnap

i have notably dissonant emotions about ohm pawat (lets not get into it) but i do actually enjoy this kind of forced proximity plotline even if i fear what theyll do with the opening kidnapper/kidnapee relationship. i feel… Something…. about this? yes. something is being felt. there is hope for me here, maybe, perhaps. really though if they want to keep him they should give ohm a smiley role again someday. it feels like everything ive seen him in since bb is all…. violence generational trauma death etc (for the worse imo)

7. gemfourth kiekoi

i think they can do it and it’ll be cute... gemfourth suit aoki and iida well. its just…. i dont know, i have an instinctive ‘noooo’ reaction to this remake. i like kiekoi soso much and i worry a lot. it does not have the exact charm for me.

also for me i wanted something a little different out of gemfourth. they have the range. but again, i do think theyll do well enough with this? so i'm mostly just being..... idk. :<

8. we are

i will at the very least attend e1! but this is too many couples for me if im honest, and they dont seem to be gunning to do anything super interesting. i do love aouboom & i like pondphuwin a lot (i Love pond’s hair in this trailer btw bless) but …. im not invested enough to make it interesting on its own. and [pouty baby voice] i wanted aouboom leads

(negative but ill try to be brief)

9. ossan’s love (the most negative of them all. look away. im so sorry earthmix i love you)

you guys are going to give earth pirapat a fucking complex before he even turns 30. he BETTER be playing haruta (i know hes not). this is just so silly!!! gmmtv doesnt deserve to have this one! this is not right for so many reasons but the most important is that they have no actual correctly aged men. no no no i am so so opposed. and theres not even a trailer 😰 you guys cut that shit out

10. ploy’s yearbook

looks…okay, its giving 55:15 a little bit, but the filmjoong adopted siblings romance threw me so violently that i doubt ill even consider touching it. absolutely not, you guys. gmmtv failing to be normal about siblings yet again! even though i like several of these actresses a lot i really.. i cant do it. also..... is earth a high schooler or is he forty.,, i feel like they're gaslighting us somehow. pairing him with namtan will not improve this situation for me you can't get out of it so easy

(miscellaneous extra commentary no one asked for)

11. only boo (?)

this looks cute? but not in a way where ill watch it unless i have nothing else going on. also unless im mistaken... was that milkbook??? innovation. love it

12. high school frenemies

those boys should be being gay about it instead of whatever shit they're actually doing. very nearly gayer than some of the bl trailers. i do not like this kind of genre thing but viewjune are there so ill still at least consider it.

13. summer nights

incredible how little i can care about something so fast. i'm not like, seethingly angry or anything but it's incredible, truly, how fast any trace of interest dropped away

i dont have anything else to say about the trailers! i will not be addressing the music here as it pains me in many ways.

finally, the personal elephant in the room: no firstkhaotung at all :< you guys know what i am, so obviously i indulged in a little dramatics about it this morning but i do understand. there's a part two that we've now been thoroughly assured they'll be present in, and also they have a show that's actively airing right now, so i'm not too worried. i did sort of expect a minor role for one or both of them at the very least though? but if they actually get a break out of this i'll be happy. please rest boys

(also khaotung on school rangers is, objectively, hilarious. sorry baby they're gonna make you do tasks)

okay! that's all! perhaps nobody wanted to know this

#rowan chatter #gmmtv2024

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dbnightingale24 · 2 years

Text

Salt and Vinegar

Andy Barber One Shot

Ya know, these really are supposed to be one shots, idk why I am the way that I am. TECHNICALLY, this is the second half of ‘Menace In The Sheets, Menace In The Sheets’, but I’m just gonna go ahead and call this part 2, because why not? Yes, this is another fucking novel, because I have no sense of anything at this point in my life. You do get pictures in this one tho, so yay!! I was gonna stop it here, but I’ve been toying around with idea of a part 3...so ya’ll are getting a part 3. I am, as the kids like to say, a sucker. Anywho, buckle up and enjoy another angsty novel by yours truly.

Also, and still very important, SUPPORT SEX WORKERS!!!!

Thanks :)

Word Count: 29,947 (at least its not 30,000)

Warnings: MINORS DNI!!! SMUT, Very public sex, lying, arguing, drinking, crying, angst, depression, fear, anxiety, fluff, Daddy Kink, manipulation, heartbreak, self hate/anger...ya know, the usual slutty angsty shit I post.

Song(s) That Inspired This: I’m sorry I’m such a trainwreck of a person. Love me anyway.

Summary: Love is something you never really believed in, but now that you’re deep in it, what do you do when it starts to turn more toxic than healthy?

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“Andy, you constantly say it’s my place, but you come and go as you please, and have your own fucking key,” you sigh, annoyed that you two are having the same argument yet again.

“If no one’s coming over, what’s the issue?”

“I’m sorry, don’t you still go to the fucking club?”

“Y/N-”

“You know what? Fuck it. I don’t fucking care. I’m not doing this with you again. I don’t have the fucking energy and frankly, I just don’t feel like it. You do whatever the fuck you want,” you concede, throwing your hands up as you get off the sofa.

“Baby stop, I’m sorry,” he says softly, wrapping his arms around you from behind. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“You’re always fucking sorry.”

“I know I am. I don’t want to argue. We always seem to argue.”

“Well, I wonder whose fucking fault that is.”

“Sweetheart.”

“Whatever Andy, let me go.”

“No, I’ve been thinking about you all day and I missed you like crazy. I wanna spend time with you.”

“Maybe I don’t wanna spend time with you.”

“Yes you do,” he chuckles before kissing the hollow of your neck.

“I hate you.”

“I hate me too, Baby.”

“How was work?”

“Long, annoying, pointless.”

“Why do you keep doing it if you’re not happy there?”

“Pays well.”

“No, the shady shit you do on the side pays well.”

“It’s not shady.”

“Then tell Lynne about it.”

“You’re annoying, did you know that?”

“You’re putting it nicely,” you smirk. “What do you want for dinner?”

“I’ll cook tonight, it’s only fair.”

“Oh? What brought this on? Something happen that you don’t wanna tell me about?”

“Stop it. I just feel bad. You’ve made dinner for the last week and I’ve been an asshole. I came over today and started an argument, so let me just make it up to you.”

“All you do is start arguments,” you scoff as you break out of his hold and make your way into the kitchen.

“I’m trying to make nice, babe,” Andy sighs, finally shrugging off his coat.

“Yeah yeah.”

“Did you do anything fun today?”

“I argued with Vivian, again, so that was time consuming,” you shrug as you grab two glasses.

“What’s she mad about now?”

“What isn’t she mad about? She said that it was unfair for me to sell everything without talking to her first.”

“What right does she have to anything?”

“Hence the reason for the argument,” you nod as you pour the both of you a glass of whiskey.

“That’s bullshit. I’m guess your Father had something to say about it?”

“Eh, he still just wants to take me out to lunch. At this point, I could murder someone and he’d just shrug it off because he doesn’t want me mad at him anymore,” you laugh before hoping up and sitting on the counter by the sink. “I’m gonna go and see him next Thursday.”

“Yeah?”

“If it means he’ll leave me alone, I’m more than happy to sit through a meal with him.”

“You don’t see yourself forgiving him any time soon?”

“What for? I have no interest in having a relationship with him. I’ve been fine after all of these years, so there’s no use in fixing what isn’t broken.”

“That’s a fair point,” he mumbles making his way over to you and settling himself between your legs. “You think you wanna move that dinner date to another week though?”

“Hmm? Why?”

“I wanna take you away this weekend.”

“Take me away? We can’t do it another weekend?”

“Well, I bought the tickets this morning so-”

“Tickets? Baby, what did you do?” you groan, wrapping your arms around him.

“I’ve been officially divorced for a month. I wanna celebrate and I wanna celebrate with you only.”

“Where are you taking us, Andy?”

“You’ve been saying how nice it would be to go to Hawaii, so-”

“You didn’t!”

“I did,” Andy laughs as you wrap your legs around him.. “We’ve both had a rough go of it, so I figured 2 weeks away would be good for us.”

“Baby...I-”

“I wanted to do this, it wasn’t too much, and I want you to be happy,” he interrupts before kissing the hollow of your neck.

“Andy I-”

“I know, Sweetheart.”

“You didn’t have to do this.”

“I wanted to. I love making you happy,” he grins before biting your neck.

“Fuck,” you moan, arching your back and leaning into him a bit more. “I thought you were gonna make dinner.”

“Dinner can wait,” he mumbles against your neck.. “I wanna fill you with something else before I feed you,” he husks as he unbuttons his pants.

“Miss me?”

“So much, baby. Gonna show you just how much,” he groans as he pulls your sweatpants down. “My sweet, sweet girl,” he sighs as he thrusts himself inside of you. “So good and all mine.”

This has become routine for the both of you. You argue, pick petty fights, fuck, and make up. You took Andy up on his offer 2 months ago and its been a heavenly nightmare ever since.

Yeah, Andy spends most of his time with you, but not all of his time. While you barely ever work at the club, he spends a good amount of his free time there. When everything happened with your Mother, Andy did spend all of his time with you and it was heaven. He came home to you, looked after you, helped you focus on what truly mattered, and made sure you never slept alone.

He truly was everything you wanted him to be and more.

But you could see him pulling away more and more as time passed. It’s not like he ever lied to you and magically decided that he was ready for a relationship because you were sad, but that’s what you wanted. That’s what you talked yourself into waiting for.

“Then what’s the point of all this, Andy?! Why did you do this?!” you yelled, storming out of the bedroom after him.

“I don’t know why you’re picking a fight when I never fucking told you that I wanted to be with only you,” he spat as he put his shoes on.

“Ya know what? You’re right. My fucking fault, I thought we were getting somewhere, but that was my mistake. We all have to live with the mistakes Laurie made, which is why we’ll never really be together, right?”

“Y/N-”

“No Andy, you wanna keep fucking around, so keep fucking around! Why should I care? You pay my rent, so what right do I have to complain?” you questioned as you put your own shoes on.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?!”

“To work, Andy. You fuck who you want and I fuck who I want, right? We don’t belong to one another, we don’t love each other, and we’re just friends who fuck occasionally, right?”

“Don’t you fucking dare-”

“What? Don’t I fucking dare what, Andy? Do the same shit you do? Earn my fucking paycheck? Fuck someone else? Don’t I dare what? Treat you like you treat me?!”

“Y/N, I swear to God, you walk out that fucking door, I’ll-”

“You’ll fucking what? What will you do, Andy? Cause it’s pretty fucking obvious you’re never gonna let me go, so what the fuck will do? Break my heart and fuck someone else who isn’t me?”

“Sweetheart-”

“I didn’t fucking think so,” you scoffed, taking your jacket off the hook. “You aren’t gonna do shit because you never do anything. You just keep me in limbo because it fucking works for you.”

“Don’t fucking test me, Sweetheart,” he warns as you grab your car keys.

“Go to hell, I’m over this shit,” you spat as you went to reach for the door.

“You think I’m not trying to be better for you?” Andy rasped as he grabbed your wrist, forcing you to spin around and face him. “You don’t think I wanna be better for you?”

“I don’t know what the fuck you want,” you rasped as he pinned you against the door.

“I think I made my intentions pretty fucking clear when I fucked you on the hood of your car two weeks ago,”he growled lowly as he got your jeans undone and down around your ankles. “Remember when I fucked you right outside of the club, for everyone to see?” he questioned as he slid one of his hands down your panties.

“Stop it, Andy” you moaned, loving and hating the pleasurable sensation he caused between your legs.

“In fact, if I remember correctly, the more people that watched, the more you got off.”

“Fuck you!”

“Oh, you did so well that night,” he taunted as he undid his own pants. “You love being my little slut, don’t you?” he mused before forcing your legs around his waist and thrusting himself inside of you.

“Jesus Andy!” you squealed, relishing in the way he always pulled you apart.

“You’re mine, Sweetheart. Don’t ever fucking forget that,” he growled as you clenched around him. “Always so desperate for it rough!”

“I fucking hate you, Andy. I hate you so fucking much!” you mewled, running your hands through his hair as you grind your hips against his.

“Doesn’t feel like you hate me so much when you respond to me so well!”

“You’re such an asshole!”

“Be that as it may,” he grunted as his hold on you got tighter, “you’re still here with me, you’re still waiting for me, and you’re still in just as deep as I am. You belong to me just like I belong to you,” he muttered against your neck before biting and sucking on it.

“Fuck! If you belong to me, stop fucking going there! Fucking...fucking...fuck, I’m so close!” you cried out, your head and your heart in two different places. “Wish I could quit you,” you confessed as you came hard for him.

“I’m so fucking glad you can’t,” he husked as he spilled his seed into you, loosing his balance only a little.

You both stayed that way for a minute, your breathing heavy, as you both slowly came down from your highs.

“I want to do better for you, Y/N,” Andy groaned as he slowly pulled out of you then set you down gently. “I know I’m confusing and hard to make heads or tails of, but I’m trying. I’m really trying, because I do want to be more than just this. I just...I’m still working through some shit.”

“I’m tired of only having part of you, Andy. I deserve better than only being here for your convenience,” you sniffled as you pushed him away from you.

“Sweetheart-”

“Either choose me or don’t, but stop playing hot and cold with me,” you told him gently before making your way back to the bedroom.

He didn’t sleepover that night and you knew he felt bad. Unbeknownst to you, he didn’t go to the club either. He just went back to his place and cried. He left you alone for two days before finally caving and texting you.

Headache: I miss you

It’s so sad how something so simple held so much weight in your heart, but that’s all it took for you to cave and take him back.

You always take him back.

“What do you want for dinner?” Andy pants as he lays his head in the crook of your shoulder.

“To fucking sleep,” you giggle, gaining a small chuckle from him, as you wrap your arms around him. “Salmon? Salmon and broccoli with lemon and butter, like you did last time!” you beam before pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Ya know, I am capable of making you other dinners,” he scoffs.

“Yeah, but that’s one of my favorites,” you pout as Andy just scowls and shakes his head, before pulling out of you. And that makes you groan in dissatisfaction.

“None of that, go lay down. I’ll come and get you when dinner is ready.”

“Are you staying over tonight?”

“Yes ma’am. I told you I missed you and I wanna spend as much time with you as I can.”

“You can spend all your time with me, if you want.”

“Sweetheart.”

“I know...I know,” you sigh, hoping off the counter, and softly pushing him aside,before pulling your sweatpants up.

“I’m trying, Y/N. I’m working on it and I truly only want to be with you.”

“If that were enough, you’d only be with me.”

“Y/N-”

“I don’t wanna talk about it, Andy. I just wanna have a nice night with you,” you smile softly before making your way to the bedroom.

“Baby-”

“Let me know when dinner is ready,” you call over your shoulder before closing the door behind you.

You hear the heavy sigh that escapes his lips before the door closes and your heart breaks. You know he’s trying, that fact has never been lost on you. It would be easy to write the whole thing off as him lusting over you, if Andy wasn’t...Andy.

The ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’ texts you receive whenever you aren’t with him, the calls you receive when he’s on his lunch break just because he wants to hear your voice, the flowers you get weekly (always a different arrangement of your favorites), the way he holds you close during movies or when it’s time for bed, the soft kisses on your forehead when you two are out in public, when he tells you that you’re the most beautiful woman hes ever seen when you’re in sweats and shoveling ice cream into your mouth like you’ll never get to eat it again...those things and so many more. Andy’s heart and mind are in the right place, but emotionally, he just isn’t there.

And who are you to judge him for that?

It’s not as if you don’t feel stupid, waiting on a brokenhearted grown man to get his shit together, but you also can’t stop. God, the amount of times you’ve tried your hardest and failed miserably is now at an embarrassingly high count, but how can you stop? He’s the only person you’ve ever truly cared for romantically, and took up all the space in your heart. It would be so much easier to walk away and hate him if you felt like he was trying to manipulate your feelings, but you can tell by his actions that he isn’t.

When he tells you that he’s going out for the night, but comes back 10 minutes later, never saying anything but pulling you close instead and resting his head on yours before placing soft kisses into your hair. The fact that he not only introduced you to Jacob, but referred to you as his absolute best friend. The nights he stays over and ignores his phone, focusing only on you and what’s making you happy or sad at the moment. The surprise visits with your favorite food from your favorite places. No, if Andy wanted to manipulate the situation, he easily could and would, because he’s never been one to mince words or lie about what he really wants. Plus, ever since he told you he loves you, he hasn’t hidden a single thing from you, no matter how much it may hurt either of you.

Of course, you suggested you two not seeing each other for a while until he sorted his shit out, but that didn’t go well.

At all.

“I don’t see what’s wrong with the idea,” you sighed, as you both sat in the living room, on your sofa. “You’re already going out and sleeping with-”

“That’s not the same and you know it,” he muttered, refusing to meet your gaze.

“Andy-”

“If you find someone else, that means that this is over, and I don’t want to lose you. You don’t just give your time and attention to just anyone. Hell, I had to fucking pay for it.”

“Wow, didn’t know you planned on being a dick tonight,” you snapped before getting off the sofa and storming into the kitchen.

“You know I’m right, Sweetheart,” he sighed, following right behind you. “If you give someone else your attention, the way you give it to me, that means you’re truly and completely interested and open to the idea of being with them. With me, it’s just something to keep my guard up because you know you’re the only one I-”

“Andy, I know you hear just how selfish you’re being right now.”

“When did I ever say I wasn’t selfish? When hasn’t that been something you haven’t known? Didn’t I just beat the shit out of Tyler last week for not backing off of you?”

“Well, maybe if someone hadn’t lost his temper and fucked me on the roof of my car, Tyler wouldn’t have thought that he’d have a chance to make me his little whore.”

“Don’t.”

“What? Don’t what Andy?”

“You know you aren’t some woman I only go to see to get my fucking rocks off. Where am I right now? Where am I most nights? Here, with you. You’re the only person i want to be with and I’m sorry. I’m sorry because this is my fault, I’m sorry that I’m always sorry, I’m sorry that I keep hurting you, I’m sorry that I can’t just trust you...Y/N, I’m fucking sorry. You know I-”

“I know you what, Andy? Care about me? Love me?” you sobbed, your frustration equally placed between the two of you. “Cause you only told me the one time and then you weren’t even sure if you meant it.”

“Y/N-”

“But it clearly worked, because here I am waiting for you, like a fool. Loving you, like a fool. But we don’t talk about it, right? We never have that talk, and I just...I keep fucking waiting.”

“Sweetheart-”

“I’m tired and I’m going to bed. You do whatever you want. Stay here, go out, go to your own place, whatever. I don’t care,” you sighed as you wiped away your tears before making your way to your bedroom.

Andy stayed with you that night and held you close, and you let him because he’s all you wanted. All of your emotions and thoughts always went back to him, and you were tired of trying to stop them.

When it came to work, you barely ever went in anymore, but Andy made Samantha keep you on payroll. Though you begged him to stop paying you, Andy only agreed to stop when you found a stable job. That would’ve been easy enough if Andy would stop going back and forth with you about the simple jobs you found.

“You can do so much better than waitressing,” Andy sighed as you rolled your eyes.

“I’m good at it, Andy. Bar tending and waitressing are two things I’m really good at, so I’ll make more than enough-”

“Why not be an assistant or secretary? You get benefits and that’s something you’re gonna need.”

“I feel like that’s something you want me to do, so I can work for you.”

“I mean, I really do wanna fuck you on my desk.”

“Andy.”

“You know I love being honest with you,” he shrugged with a devilish smirk.

“I wanna do something I’m comfortable with.”

“Getting out of your comfort zone could be good for you.”

“What are you afraid of, baby?” you questioned, straddling him.

“I’m not-”

“Don’t lie to me, Andy. You should know better by now.”

He let out a heavy sigh as he rested his hands on your hips. “I don’t want you to find someone else.”

“Andy-”

“I know I know,” he muttered “I have no right and it’s up to you to be with and do whatever you want, but I don’t want...you mean everything to me, Y/N. Yeah, I may be a little slow to get to the point, but Jesus, if I could just put into words just how much you actually mean to me,” he chuckled humorlessly.

You dip down and kiss him deeply and wrap your arms around him. “I’m here with you, aren’t I?” you breathed once you two broke apart.

“For now.”

The pain in his voice broke your heart. “Honey-”

“I’m trying, Sweetheart, I promise. The pain is still there and the wound is still fresh. I don’t believe that you’d ever hurt me like that and I know you can’t live your life to make me happy, but I also know that I don’t make any of this easy. I’m positive that there’s someone out there, way more deserving, that will make all of this easier.”

“Maybe,” you shrugged “but they’re not you. As long as we take our time and are up front with each other, we’ll be okay. We can figure this out.”

“You really think so?”

“I really do,” you smiled at him.

“Dinner’s gonna be ready soon,” Andy states softly as he makes his way into your bedroom.

“Okay babe.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t shut me out.”

“We’ve been having the same argument for weeks, Andy. I’m tired of talking about it. I’m not shutting you out, I’m just coping,” you mope as ‘Real Thing’ by Lights starts playing. “All I do these days is cope,” you mutter.

“I’m gonna stop going,” he responds softly, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I’m not gonna say that I’m gonna be here every night, but I’m gonna stop going to the club.”

“Are you gonna stop sleeping around?”

“Yeah, I figure that’s a good place to start,” he scoffs softly “but I’m still not ready to commit or be in a relationship,” he states firmly.

‘Fuck you when you fuck me over’

“However, I am ready to tell you I love you and that I mean it.”

‘But I’ll be here to hold when you call me over’

You’re slow to sit up, but the smile that comes to your face is almost instant. “Say it again.”

He grins “I love you.”

“Again,” you beg as you tackle and wrap your arms around him.

“I love you,” he laughs softly, wrapping his arms around. “I love you, Y/N. So fucking much.

“I think this is a good start,” you smile at him, straddling him.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, cause I love you too, Andy.”

“And that better not change, Sweetheart.”

“I don’t think you could’ve planned this trip at a better time for this trip.”

“Yeah?”

“ This will be good for us,” you smile sweetly.

Andy cups your face in his hands before pulling you close and kissing you deeply. “I love you and I’ll never get tired of telling you that,” he breathes once you two break apart.

“You’re gonna burn dinner,” you giggle against his lips.

“Fuck dinner.”

“I’m hungry!” you groan as he laughs.

“Fine, come with me?”

“Mhm,” you smile at him before giving him another quick kiss and getting off of him.

The entire time you stand with him while he makes dinner, he talks about the plans he has for Hawaii and how early you two are gonna have to get up. As you sit and listen to him go on about everything, you can’t help but get lost in the happiness you feel of him saying the world’s most simple, yet most complicated sentence in the world.

However, there’s still the reality of you dealing with your friends, and none of that is simple.

“So, you’re gonna stay with him?” Allison asks, sitting on her sofa beside you.

“You don’t think I should?”

“Listen, I’m happy he’s not coming to the club anymore, and I’m happy he’s not sleeping around, but...”

“But?”

“You don’t feel the slightest bit bad for Mary?”

“It always come back to Mary,” you scoff, leaning back.

“I know what she did was fucked up, and I know you’re not doing this out of spite, but she’s so hurt and lonely.”

“And whose fault is that?”

“She was your best friend, Y/N,” Allison sighs. “Your childhood best friend-”

“Until she fucked it up.”

“I know, but if you stay with Andy, there’s little to no chance of reconciliation.”

“So, I should put my happiness on hold to make her happy?”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“That’s exactly what you’re saying.”

“Ugh, what I’m trying to say is to make sure that he’s worth it. Make sure all of this is worth it. Yeah, he loves you and that’s great, I’m truly happy for you, but Andy does things at his own pace.”

“That’s not fair, Allison. There’s so much more that you don’t know.”

“I know that you’ve cried over him and that’s all I need to know. I’ve never seen you in love with anyone, and while I’m happy to see you this happy and excited, I don’t think you should let your guard down so soon. Yeah, it’s nice to hear sweet things, but pay attention to his actions. They speak the loudest,” she sighs before grabbing her beer and taking a sip of it.

Your heart breaks a little, because you know she doesn’t want you to fall into the same trap that she did with Tyler. “You two get into another argument?”

“Yeah, it was bad. Really fucking bad.”

“How bad is ‘really fucking bad’?”

“I threw a glass at him. Missed his head by half an inch,” she chuckles humorlessly, slouching down further. “When the fuck did I become this person? Why can’t I just leave?”

“Trust me, I’m right there with you,” you mutter, pouring yourself a glass of wine and curling up on the sofa.

“You think about leaving Andy?”

“At least three times a week,” you chuckle.

“I thought-”

“That’s what everyone thinks. I’m not as caught up as everyone thinks. I know they’re flaws, I see the issues, and I have to deal with the heartache. However, no one sees Andy the way I do. No one knows him like I do, and I guess that’s something we have in common, because I don’t let anyone know me like he does. The way he looks at me, the way he holds me, the time he takes to really check on me and make sure that I’m okay...trust me, I have my reasons for staying,” you smirk. “Do you?”

“At this point? I really don’t think so. It’s just better than being alone.”

“You’re not alone, babe. You don’t need him to make you feel normal or worthy. I know none of it is easy, but some one who’s actually worthy of your time and love will want to be better for you. Will do better for you.”

“Is Andy doing that for you?”

“He’s trying to and I’m trying to let him.”

“I guess we’re both idiots.”

“I guess so,” you chuckle leaning into her. “We’re gonna talk about a lot all of this when we’re in Hawaii. The distance from everything and everyone will be good.”

“Please just don’t get sucked up into-”

“I know, hun. I know,” you nod, taking a sip of your wine. “I’m doing the best I can to keep my head above water.”

The days leading up to Hawaii were probably the most stressful days you’ve had in a while, and the only person you really want to talk to, you can’t. You miss your Mother every day and you wish you had her to guide you with all of this shit. She somehow always seemed to know the answer to every question and what to do in every situation. Yeah, she liked Andy, but would she want you to wait for him like you are? Would she want you to risk your happiness for someone who can’t make heads or tails of what he wants? Would she want you to trust your feelings and your heart? Would she want you to trust him?

If only she had more time.

By the time you two are finally on the plane, your head is going a million miles a minute.

“What’s going on with you, Sweetheart?” Andy asks as you both take your seats in first class.

“Just...just adjusting, I guess.”

“You’ve been far away since I told you I love you and about this trip. What’s going on?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it right now,” you smile softly at him. “I just wanna focus on this trip.”

“You believe me when I tell you that I love you, right?”

“More than you know, we’ve just been through a lot...all of this is a lot,” you chuckle softly. “We’ll talk about it in a few days. Right now, I just wanna be in the moment with you.”

Andy leans over and kisses you deeply, cupping your face in his hands. “This is gonna be good for us.”

“I think so too,” you nod, before a playful grin tugs at your lips. “You really think you’ll be able to keep your hands to yourself for 11 hours?”

The grin that comes to Andy’s face is dangerous and has you excited in all the ways you shouldn’t be. “Now, when did I ever agree to that?”

Andy is able to keep his hands to himself for all of 2 hours before he’s dragging you into the bathroom and pinning you against the door.

“Fuck baby,” you moan as quietly as you can as thrusts himself inside of you.

“You have no fucking idea how beautiful you look right now,” he rasps as he fucks you against the door.

“We could get caught!”

“That’s half the fun,” he smirks before starting to bite on the most sensitive part of your neck that you love the most, before soothing it with his tongue.

“Baby please!” you beg, wrapping your legs around him tighter, your hands running through his hair.

“Quiet Sweetheart, don’t wanna get us kicked off, do you?” he taunts with a devilish grins as he looks up at you being a wrecked mess above him, only making you clench around him. “That’s right, my sweet girl loves when people watch, how could I forget?”

“Andy,” you mindlessly mumble, feeling both arousal and shame at the memory of him fucking you into oblivion on the hood of your car, out in the open for everyone to see.

“Cause you’re mine, right? I can fuck you anywhere and in front of anyone, can’t I?”

“Fuck...fuck yes!” you mewl, arching your back as your release builds and that knot in your core tightens.

“I wanna watch you explode for me, Baby. Need to fucking see it,” he grunts as he relentlessly fucks into you.

“Fuck!” you cry out as softly as you can, going over that cliff of pure ecstasy and bliss that only he’s capable of sending you over.

“I fucking love you,” Andy rasps, spilling his seed into you.

You both stay there for a moment, trying to come down from your highs, before Andy finally slowly sets you down after pulling out.

“There’s no way no one knows what we did,” you giggle as you clean yourself up.

“They didn’t see anything, so they can’t prove anything,” he shrugs as he gets himself back into his pants.

“Baby-”

“Welcome to the Mile High Club, Sweetheart,” he grins before kissing your lips and making his way out.

You can’t help but laugh and shake your head as you continue to clean yourself up and look yourself over in the mirror. You wait a few more minutes before quickly making your way out and back to your seat, only to find Andy mindlessly flipping through an airplane magazine. You flip him off as you take your seat.

‘You just did,’ he mouths with a coy grin and you can’t help but burst out laughing.

When the stewardess walks by, about 15 minutes later, taking drink orders, neither of you miss the disapproving and irritated look she shoots towards the both of you. The moment she’s out of ear shot, you both burst out laughing.

The rest of the flight goes smooth (with Andy only fingering you once), and you’re almost able to forget. Almost able to forget about all of the complications between you and Andy. How you two got to where you are. It doesn’t help that he makes it so easy to forget when he wants to.

That’s part of why you just can’t walk away.

Even though he does his best to hide it, it’s easy to tell by his actions that he’s genuinely always been a sweet man. He’s thoughtful, funny, caring, loving, and affectionate. So insanely affectionate. You’ve come to the conclusion, that when everything happened with Laurie, that’s when his attitude towards everything changed, and that’s something you can relate to more than you care to express.

It explains why he never let himself get too close to Mary, why he was such an ass to all the girls, why he’s so scared of actually committing to you, and why he works so damn hard to show that he doesn’t care.

He cares about everything entirely too much.

So, that’s how you’re always reasoning with yourself to stay. You see him making effort to tear down walls that he was determined to keep up forever, and you know it takes time. You know how hard it is because you’re doing the same damn thing.

But that’s when the argument between your head and your heart starts.

Shouldn’t that be a reason for you to stay away? For you two to both get your shit together before jumping into anything? No, it’s very obviously not impossible for two broken people to fall in love, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t wait until they have it more together to figure shit out.

However, you shake the thoughts of your head as you both approach the house Andy rented for the both of you.

“Andy,” you gasp, marveling at the large, tropical oasis.

The man spends way too much money on you.

“Is it okay?” he asks and you can tell that he’s genuinely anxious. “I know you like to be far away from the outside world, but not too far. I figure that we’re a good ways away from the-”

He’s cut off by you crashing your lips into his, as you wrap your arms around him. “It’s fucking gorgeous. Thank you, Andy. Thank you so much for everything, I love you,” you smile at him.

“And I love you.”

He gives you the keys before grabbing the bags and you both make your way into the house. You just stand there and look around in pure ‘awe’. The view, high ceilings, the marble bathrooms, the pool...it truly was your own private getaway.

Your heart feels full as you continue to make your way through the house, and you find yourself just wanting to stay there forever. Just you and Andy in your own little perfect getaway. No drama with friends or ex’s, no secrets, no fear, no anxiety, no one else, just each other. Free to love one another without any reservations.

You haven’t even been at the place a full 10 minutes and you’re ready to uproot your whole life just to be with Andy in total and complete happiness.

“Do you really like it?” Andy asks softly, walking up behind and snaking his arms around you in the bedroom.

“I love it.”

“Are you happy?”

“I’m always happy with you, Andy. Even when I’m not.”

“How did I get so lucky?”

“I don’t know, I guess you’re God’s favorite,” you smirk, turning around and facing him while still in his hold. “You know, you’ve been really mean lately, Daddy,” you pout, looking up at him, your eyes innocent but tone seductive.

“I have been, Kitten. I’m sorry,” he practically whines. The look in his eyes changing from love to full blown loving lust.

“Are you really sorry?”

“You know I am.”

“Then get on your knees and show me just how sorry you are,” you demand softly, raising an eyebrow as you stare up at him with innocent eyes.

Andy keeps his heated gaze on you as he gets on his knees and slowly unbuttons your shorts and pulls them down. When he goes to pull down your panties you’re quick to slap his hand away.

“Teeth, Daddy. You know what I like,” you taunt.

Andy’s quick to get his teeth on your panties and pull them down slowly, as you bite your bottom lip and keep your eyes on him.

Yeah, you want Andy in the most desperate way (when don’t you?), but this little act is more for him than you. You know he loves it when you surprise him and take control of the situation. The only thing Andy loves more than controlling you is you controlling him.

“Fuck, that’s it, Daddy,” you moan, lulling your head back a little as you feel his tongue on your clit. He hooks your leg over his shoulder, as you grip his hair tight. “You know exactly what I love!”

Andy only grunts in approval as you grind yourself against him, encouraging his actions, as he slides two fingers into your soaked cunt. The moan that leaves your mouth has him quickening his pace as he adds a third finger and starts sucking on your clit.

“Daddy! I’m so fucking close! I know you can be good for me and bring me off!” you cry out, arching your back as you try and keep your balance.

Andy’s gaze locks on yours as he sucks and lick on your clit like he’s afraid of you forgetting how good only he can make you feel. You can tell that he needs you to know that he’s the only one who can make you happy in any way.

“Shit!” you yell, cumming hard on his fingers as he tries keep you up right. He fucks you through your high before letting your leg down and breaking away from you; your juices glistening on his beard as he pants and looks up at you, waiting for instruction. “Get undressed and on the bed now,” you breathe out, taking your own top off before quickly unfastening your bra.

Andy wastes no time getting undressed before laying back on the bed, desperate to do any and every thing to keep you pleased.

“You really want to make me happy, Daddy?” you question as you crawl on to the bed.

“You know I do,” he husks as he stokes himself.

“When did I say you could touch yourself?” you question as you settle yourself on top of him.

“I’m sorry, Kitten,” he groans, stopping his movements almost instantly.

“I haven’t you under me like this in so long,” you moan, grinding your hips against his.

“Sweetheart...please,” he moans as his hands travel up your body.

“Please what?”

“Please do something,” he begs.

“You can’t cum until I get off, Daddy,” you warn before adjusting yourself so that his tip is at your entrance.

“Fuck!”

“Say you won’t or I won’t fuck you.”

“Shit, I won’t baby,” he husks, his hands gripping the sheets. “Bring yourself off on my cock as many times as you want.”

“You’re so good to me,” you moan as you slide yourself down on his cock. “Shit!”

“You always feel so fucking good, baby!”

“Yeah? You love this tight little cunt?” you whimper as you place your hands on his chest and start to ride him.

“I love everything about you, baby! You’re perfect!”

“Andy-”

“So fucking perfect for me,” he moans as you reach around and start to play with his balls. “Jesus, you know all the things I love, don’t you?”

“I fucking try, Daddy!”

You dip down and kiss him deeply, your hands getting lost in his hair as he wraps his arms around your waist, keeping you in place. When you both break apart, you push yourself up just a little, and you look him in the eyes. The way you love him never feels like enough when you look at him. His eyes are always filled with love and desperation. Desperation for you to stay, forgive him, and just try and figure it out.

Every time Andy’s deep inside of you, you feel his love for you. You know there’s no place he truly wants to be, and that you’re his whole world. You know that with you is exactly where he wants to be.

His breath on your neck as his grip on you tightens is all you can take before you cum hard on his cock, clenching him tight.

“Fuck!” he grunts, never breaking his gaze, but you can tell he’s doing his best to hold on.

“Use me, Daddy,” you breathe, still keeping your pace.

Andy has you on your back almost instantly and starts to love you relentlessly.

“Jesus!”

“You know how much I love it when you take over like that,” Andy grunts, his thrusts rhythmic as he collars your wrists above your head. “I fucking love it when you take what you want from me.”

“Feels too fucking good,”you mewl beneath him, your toes curling from the pleasurable build up in your core.

“I fucking love you, Sweetheart. Everything about you...shit! You’re mine and you’re always gonna be mine!”

“I love you, Andy!”

“Now,” he whispers hotly against your ear “I want you to fucking cum hard for me, baby. I want my cock soaked in it,” he demands, his thrusts becoming more and more erratic.

“Andy!”

“I told you to fucking cum for me, Sweetheart!”

“Fuck!” you cry, balling hands into fists as your orgasm washes over you and the world starts to fade around you.

Andy shouts your name as as his seed spills into you, letting go of your wrists so he can hold himself up and ride out both of your highs. After his final thrust, he collapses on top of you and you quickly wrap your arms around him, as you both just lay and listen to each other’s labored breathing.

“I love you, Andy,” you say after a moment, running your fingers through his soaked hair. “I love you so much.”

“I’m so fucking happy I found you,” he says softly as his finger gently traces up and down your arm. “I don’t wanna lose you, Y/N. I know I don’t always act like it, or make any fucking sense for that matter, but I really want to get over my fears and be with you. Really be with you.”

“We’ll talk about it, Baby. We’ll talk about all of it,” you sigh as he places a kiss on your collar bone.

“I want us to get this right, Sweetheart. I know that none of it has been ideal, but you’re...you’re everything to me.”

“You’re everything to me too, Andy.”

“And I really am sorry for being such an asshole. Especially with everything that’s been going on.”

You can’t stop the mischievous grin that comes to your face. “I almost forgive you.”

“Only almost?” he questions and you can hear the smile in his voice.

“I think you’re gonna have a to do a little bit more to really show me how sorry you are, Daddy,” you giggle.

“Good thing this place is ours for two weeks,” he smirks as he pushes himself up and looks down at you. “I’m gonna spend every moment proving to you just how sorry I am,” he grunts as he starts to move within you again.

Andy spent the rest of the day loving you through and through, in every part of the house that he could, only to finish outside by the pool during the sunset. He made you lay down and rest up while he made dinner for the both of you, and let you choose the movie for dinner. He can’t help but laugh when you choose ‘The Little Mermaid’, but he’s more than happy to watch it with you.

At some point, you two fall asleep, cuddled up close and fingers entwined. Any thoughts of getting things done the next day, went out the window when you woke up to Andy’s head between your legs. How were you supposed to even think about getting anything done when he had you feeling mind numbing pleasure?

“I’m sorry,” he breathes after getting you both off for the third time “I swear I didn’t bring you to Hawaii just to stay inside and make love all day,” he laughs breathlessly. “I just-”

“I know baby,” you smile up at him, running one of your hands through his hair. “I know because I feel the same way too.”

You really do. Yes, you and Andy have had each other hundreds of times, but this is different. Everything feels as it should. It’s just you and him and the outside world is almost nonexistent. There’s no drama, no other women, no jealousy, no anger, no Mary, no Laurie, none of his dickhead friends...it’s just you and him, alone and baring your souls to one another. Everything feels like it should, because everything is as it should be.Yes, you’ve always loved sex with Andy, but this is so much more than sex. It feels like you’re finally home, after such a long and strenuous trip. You never want the feeling to end. You never want to be without him.

“I promise that we’ll actually go out and do things tomorrow,” he laughs softly as you make your way around the kitchen, getting dinner.

“What do ya wanna do?”

“I wanna do whatever makes you happy.”

“What makes you happy?”

“You,” he states simply, smiling at you.

You can feel the heat in your cheeks and quickly turn away to hide the smile that makes its way to your face. “Besides me, what would make you happy?”

“I don’t know. Sit on the beach and watch sunrise, visit local shops, take you dancing-”

“Since when do you like dancing?”

“Since I found out how much you love it.”

“Andy, if you’re trying to make me fall in love with you, it’s already happened.”

“Ha ha,” he smirks, making his way over to you. “I know you love me, but I really do love making you happy. The amount of times I’ve hurt you and made you cry...I hate myself for that, Y/N,” he sighs.

You put down the sauce spoon and turn the stove down to a simmer, before closing the little bit of space between you two and wrap your arms around him. “We’re gonna figure it out, Andy. It’s not like I’m the easiest to love-”

“You’ve never done to me what I’ve done to you, and you never would have.”

“I can still be a bitch, Andy. Don’t paint as me as some perfect human being, cause I’ll never live up to that.”

“You already do for me.”

“Andy-”

“Sweetheart, please understand that I went over the choice of making you my main girl a million times before I actually did it. I knew that what I felt towards you was more than lust and still decided to go ahead with my plan. I was dumb enough to think that I’d get over whatever I felt for you. Why wouldn’t I? The one woman in the club that everyone wanted but could never have. I’d fuck you and get over you, but that’s not what happened at all. I fell in love and tried to pretend I wasn’t. Then, to make matters worse, I tried to control you. Getting angry with you for rightfully being angry with me, because I kept telling myself that I was making the situation crystal clear. I told myself that you were acting just like Mary, even though I knew that was the farthest thing from the truth. What I feel towards you is something I never came close to feeling towards her. I haven’t felt this way about anyone and it terrified it me. It still does. So, I tried to distance myself from you, which proved to be useless. However, in the process of all this, I hurt you. I made you cry, I belittled you, I made you question my intentions, and I pushed you away. I hated myself for it then and I hate myself for it now, but I just couldn’t be vulnerable with you. Not like I am now. I’m still not ready to commit, Y/N. I know it infuriates you because it infuriates me. I want to make you mine. I wanna keep you with me at all times because you really are everything to me, but...being that vulnerable again...I’m just not there yet. So, to compensate for me being the absolute asshole that I am, I just want to make you happy. I want to make you as happy as you make me, because you’re fucking incredible and a better woman than I deserve. If something as simple as taking you to Hawaii, or making dinner, or just watching your favorite movies will make you smile, I’ll do it. I just want you to know that I’m not bullshitting you. This isn’t some sort of terrible joke or something to string you along until I get tired of you. I love you so fucking much and will do any and every thing I can do to make you happy. I promise,” he smiles at you, watery eyed as he wipes away your tears.

“Andy-”

“I know we have a lot to figure out, and most of that is on me, but I really want to figure this out. I want us to make it work. As long as you believe we have a chance, then we really do,” he smiles sincerely.

“Jesus Andy,” you sniffle out, as he chuckles and wraps you in a tight hug. “I love you.”

“I love you, Sweetheart.”

You both eat dinner in a happy and comfortable silence, while watching a serial killer documentary (your choice, not his), as you rest your legs across his lap.

Everything feels right, because Andy feels like home.

When you wake up the next morning, you tell yourself and Andy that you’re determined to spend the day actually doing things. Of course, an hour after you two agreed to that, you made love to him in the shower. Nonetheless, you two eventually got dressed and headed out for the day in the door-less Jeep he rented for you both.

The whole day feels like a dream.

The first stop is lunch on the beach and it’s probably the best lunch you’ve ever had. Both you and Andy spend the entire time laughing and debating the most trivial things, that only you two would care about.

“I’m sorry, did you only watch Lord of The Rings? Have you not read the books?” you laugh before finishing off your papaya and mango smoothie.

“I read the books, smarty pants. I’m just saying that Bilbo could have avoided a lot of drama-”

“If there’s no drama, what’s the point?!” you interrupt as he bursts out laughing. “HAVE YOU NOT READ THE BOOKS?!”

“You know, this God complex of yours is really getting out of hand,” he smirks.

“My God complex? You’re one to talk.”

“I do not have a God complex!”

“Andy, it’s your entire personality.”

“Bullshit!”

“Yeah okay, who fought one of his dickhead lawyer buddies for just grabbing my wrist? Even though we’re not officially together?”

“I think it’s time for us to go,” he mutters, eyeing the waiter as you burst out laughing.

The next stop was the beach and you can tell that’s where he feels the most at home and at peace.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” you ask, making your way back to him as you head back from the water.

“A lot,” he scoffs as you settle yourself next to him. “How’s the water?”

“What’s wrong, baby?”

“Nothing-”

“Don’t lie to me,” you warn, now placing yourself directly in front of him. “Talk to me.”

“You’re having a good day.”

“If you’re not having a good day, I’m not having a good day. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, I really am happy. I’m just getting ahead of myself.”

“Ahead of yourself with what?”

“It really doesn’t matter, Babe.”

“Andy-”

“I know we have time and that I need to just be here, but I’m so afraid of fucking this up. More than I already have,” he sighs, looking down at the sand as he buries his feet in it.

“Please talk to me, Baby.”

“Why? It’s just a bunch of ‘what ifs’. You don’t need that-”

“Andy, whatever we are, whatever this may be, doesn’t change the fact that I’m very much in love with you. I want to be there for you if I can.”

“Everything is perfect right now. I have no fear of giving myself to you completely, or truly loving you. I’m just scared of...”

“When we get back home.”

“You feel it too?”

“I’ve been doing my best to not think about it,” you laugh humorlessly, taking his hands in yours. “What brought this on?”

“I’m having way too much fun,” he chuckles. “It’s so much easier when we’re away from everyone, isn’t it? Nothing seems to be as scary or as daunting. There’s much less pressure...it’s easier to be happier when you’re just away. I’m always happy with you, but right now? Where we are, how we’re living...I could do this forever with you. I want this with you forever. I don’t know if I’ll be able to be this secure at home.”

“Why?”

“There’s just so much left to deal with. You saw her that night she showed up at your apartment; she keeps fighting for more. At home, I’m reminded of every thing. Jacob’s trial, the whole fucking town turning on me, Laurie cheating on me, then deciding that she just doesn’t want to be with me...the monster I became to deal with all of it...nothing feels good about going home. If I never had to go back, it’d be the best fucking day of my life,” he mutters.

“Well, the divorce is final, you’re out of that house, and Jacob is off at college. The fact that he’s a Barber has me feeling more than confident that he’ll strike out on his own and do just fine, so why stay in Newton if there’s no reason to?”

“Work.”

“Andy, you’re an amazing lawyer. You can find work anywhere, you don’t need to keep working at a place you hate.”

“Then I can’t afford-”

“Don’t. You know how little all of this matters to me. I’ve only ever wanted you and that’s not changing any time soon. I love you for you, not the nice things you can get me. What good is any of this if I don’t have your trust? Your love? Your heart?”

“Fuck, why couldn’t I find you first?”

“I had to get through High School,” you smirk as he starts cracking up.

“You’re amazing, did you know that?”

“So are you, Baby,” you smile before leaning in close and kissing him deeply. “This is gonna be hard for the both of us,” you breathe as you two breakaway “baby steps and patience are what we’re gonna need to make this work.”

“I’m not good with either of those.”

“Neither am I, but I really want to try for the both of us. After all the shit that happened with my parents, I swore I’d never let myself fall for anyone who could complicate my life. Then I met you,” you scoff as Andy chuckles softly. “I am stubborn, I can be mean, I’m unforgiving, and I don’t like compromise. However, when it comes to you, I try my best to fight the urge to throw the towel in, in the name of things being easier, because this is worth fighting for. We’re worth fighting for.”

“You really think so?”

“I know it.”

“What’s it like to be so sure of everything all the time?”

“When I figure that out, I’ll let you know,” you smile with a small giggle.

Andy leans in and kisses you softly while cupping your face. “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, Andy.”

You both stay there for just a little bit longer before Andy tells you that you need to get going so you’ll be on time for his surprise. When you try to press him on the matter, he simply shakes his head and tells you, you need to work on your patience.

You can’t stop the gasp that leaves your body as Andy pulls up to a lavish restaurant.

“Andy-”

“I don’t wanna hear it. It’s not too much and you do deserve it. You deserve this and much, much more,” he smiles at you as he turns off the Jeep.

“You don’t have to-”

“I want to. It’ll make you happy and that makes me happy.”

“I’m happy just to have this time with you, Andy. I told you, you don’t need to buy me expensive gifts or take me to fancy places.”

“I know I don’t need to, but I like to do it. I like to do things for you that wouldn’t do for yourself and I love the little gasp that always leaves your mouth. I love the smile that comes to your face. I love you,” he finishes with a smile.

“You’re making my face hurt with all this smiling,” you laugh, turning away from him.

“Good.”

You both walk hand in hand as you make your way inside the building, you leaning in close as Andy quickly gets you two to the elevator. When the doors open and you get off, once again, you’re gasping at the site in front of you.

“There it is,” he chuckles.

“Andy-”

“You love it and I love you.”

“I don’t know how I’m ever gonna make this up to you.”

“The fact you up with me and love me is more than enough,” he smiles sincerely as you’re both led to your seats.

You can barely focus on the menu as you look around the rooftop restaurant, it’s beauty overwhelming to say the least as the sun sets. You’re so caught up in the view you don’t even notice the waiter when he comes over takes your drink order. Luckily, Andy knows you better than you know yourself half the time and orders your Mai Tai for you.

“Andy, this is incredible!” you gush as you take pictures and send them to Allison and Lindsey.

“Yeah? You like it?”

“I love it! You didn’t have to do all of this! I love it so much, I love you!” you beam, scooting closer to him so you can kiss him. “What can I do to make you happy?”

“Just stay with me,” he smiles softly.

“Nope, you gotta tell me something that you want. Something that you want that’ll make you really happy.”

“I have you, there’s nothing more that I want,” he responds coolly before taking a sip of his beer.

“There has to be something.”

“Well, Jacob’s birthday is in two weeks and I’m gonna take him and Sarah out to dinner. I didn’t want to ask you to come along because we’re not officially anything, but I really would like it if you could be there. You both get along so well and I know he’d be happy to see you, and I’d feel better not going alone. I completely understand if you don’t-”

You cut him off by kissing him and pulling him as close as you can. “You are the sweetest man on earth, did you know that?”

“What-”

“Something so simple means the world to you and you’re afraid to ask because you don’t wanna impose? Of course I’ll go with you, Andy. I’d be more than happy too.”

“You sure it’s okay? You going as just my best friend and not my girl friend?”

“Not sure if you’re aware of just how High School you sounded,” you chuckle “but I’m more than happy to go with you.”

“Thank you, I know it’s a lot to ask-”

“It’s not a lot at all. I love you.”

“I love you.”

You both place your orders for dinner before getting lost in conversation about books and music. The music is great, the food is great, and the company is perfect.

You can’t remember the last time you were so happy. In fact, you don’t think you’ve ever been this happy.

You’re on your third Mai Tai when you hear one of your favorite songs playing and you can’t resist the urge to dance.

“Dance with me!” you beg as you pull on Andy’s arm.

“You know you’re more of a dancer than I am,” he laughs, trying to keep his resolve and staying in place.

“What if one of the other guys here tries to dance with me? You don’t wanna see someone else grinding themselves against me, do you?”

“You’re pure evil, you know that?” he growls before finishing the rest of his drink. “Lets go,” he mutters as you giggle and lead him to the dance floor.

Andy doesn’t have to do much as you press your back against his chest and grind yourself against him, wrapping your arms around his neck as you get lost in the music.

“Careful Sweetheart,” he warns with a gentle husk “you know how much I love it when you dance like this on me in public.”

“Maybe that’s why I’m doing it,” you moan, loving the feel of his hands gripping your waist tighter.

“Nothing but trouble.”

“And you love it,” you smirk as you twist your neck slightly and kiss his cheek.

As Andy’s hands travel up your body, you do your best to ignore the lyrics (they’re hitting way too close to home) and just focus on all the pleasure you’re feeling. However, when the chorus hits, you find yourself focusing on it more than you’d like.

‘You know I want you baby, you know I do

I’ll give you my heart and the rest is up to you

You ain’t no good for me, I know it’s true

But you don’t have to be’

As the words roll around in your head, you turn yourself in Andy’s arms and kiss him deeply.

You don’t want to think about anything, you just want Andy.

‘I do it for the thrill, for the rush

I do it for the pain, for your touch

Will I OD when it’s too much?

If I survive, maybe you’re the one.’

Andy’s hold on you is tight as he deepens the kiss and you feel your excitement build. You feel the stares of a few people, but you couldn’t care less. All that matters is Andy and how he’s making you feel.

“Need you now, Kitten,” he husks as you two break apart.

“Then have me,” you mumble as you look up into his loving gaze.

In no time at all, Andy’s dragged you to the men’s bathroom has you pinned against the door of a bathroom stall.

“Fuck!” you cry out, gripping your legs around him tighter as he thrusts himself into you.

“Tried to be romantic and wait until we got back, but you just had to keep pushing.”

“Andy!”

“That perfect little ass grinding against my cock, shit! How the fuck am I supposed to control myself?”

“Never want you to, baby. You can have me whenever you want me. I’m all yours,” you moan, lulling your head back as places wet and desperate kisses all over your neck.

“Jesus, Y/N! I can never get enough of you!”

“Wanna hear you fucking say it, Andy! Need to hear you say it,” you whine pathetically as your hands grip the door.

“I fucking love you, baby,” he moans as you clench around him.

“Shit!”

“Such a good girl,” he grins as you arch your back against the door. “You take this cock so well!”

“Andy please! I’m so...I’m so fucking close!”

“You know what I want from you, Sweetheart,” he taunts as he grips your hips tight, his thrusts coming faster, harder, and more erratic.

“Yes, yes, YES!” you cry out, cumming hard for him, one of your hands gripping his shoulder as you dig your nails into it.

“Fuck Sweetheart!” he exclaims, shooting his load into you.

You both stay that was for a moment trying to come down from your highs.

“I think it’s time we head back,” Andy laughs softly as he lets you down slowly.

“Mhm, I think so too.”

“I hope you’re not tired, because I’m about to keep you up all night.”

“I wouldn’t want it any other way,” you grin mischievously.

You both quickly make your way back out and Andy’s quick to settle the bill. The entire ride down the elevator, you two can’t keep your hands off of each other.

That’s when an idea pops into your head.

“How good of a driver do you think you are?” you question as you take your panties off.

“Pretty fuckin’ good,” he smirks as he starts the engine.

“Wanna show me just how good you are?”

“Sweetheart-”

“I don’t wanna wait, Daddy. Want you to love me right here and right now,” you moan as you straddle him.

“Nothing but trouble,” he husks as you undo the button on his shorts and work them off of him. “And if someone sees?”

“They’re welcome,” you shrug as you start to stroke him.

“Fucking firecracker,” he groans as you bite and suck on his neck.

“Just keep your eyes on the road and enjoy the ride, Daddy,” you moan as you sink yourself down onto him.

“Fuck Y/N!” he moans as he pulls off.

You do your best to keep your head to the side of him as he drives, but Andy makes you look at him every time you two come to a stop light. You’ve never seen him so desperate and it makes you feral.

“So fucking close!” you whine into his ear, your nails digging into his shoulder.

“You better not fucking cum until we get home!” he demands, wrapping an arm around your waist.

“Andy!”

“You wanted to be a little slut and now you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Cum before we get home and you’re gonna be sorry!”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” you cry, trying to fight off your release. “I don’t think I can, baby!”

“We’re almost there, Sweetheart”

“You feel too fucking good, Andy! You always feel too...fuck!” you cry out, cumming hard on his cock.

“Oh Sweetheart, you don’t know just how much punishment you’re in for tonight,” he chuckles darkly as he pulls up to the house.

“I almost made it!”

“Almost doesn’t count.”

“Andy-”

“I don’t wanna hear it. Get that sexy little ass inside that house and wait for instructions.”

“Can I at least suck you clean?”

“No, because bad girls don’t get rewarded.”

“Please Daddy?”

“In the house, now,” he demands with a strained voice and you can tell that he’s doing all he can to keep together.

Andy shows no mercy when he finally gets in the house and gets his hands on you. He ties to you to the bed and settles a vibrator between your legs, telling you that you need to learn how to control yourself.

After the cumming for the 4th time, you’re so desperate and pathetic for him.

“Andy please!” you cry out as you try to recover from your high.

“The next time I tell you to fucking wait, will you?”

“Andy, I swear to God that I’ll do anything that you say. I will be such a good girl, I fucking promise.”

“You’re a dirty little liar” he chuckles as he unties you “but I need to be deep inside you,’ he mumbles as he gets on the bed. “I need to feel how much you love me.”

“I’m all yours,” you smile up at him as your hand traces over his broad chest. “I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too, Angel,” he groans as he thrusts himself inside of you.

Andy loves you until the sunrise, picking every position he knows you love and that will send you into a mind shattering orgasm time after time. You don’t even remember falling asleep, but when you wake up, a small smile comes to your face, remembering all the love you and Andy made the night before, the promises made, and the love that was felt.

You slowly and quietly sneak out of bed, not wanting to disturb Andy, putting on his boxers and AC/DC shirt, before sneaking into the backyard and taking a seat by the pool. As you soak your feet, you think back to the night that Laurie showed up to your apartment, unannounced and unwelcome.

“You have no right to be here!” Andy shouted as he steps in front of you. “We’re divorced and there’s no-”

“You’re really housing a whore,” Laurie laughed incredulously as she looked you over. “You really left me for her?”

“She’s more of a woman than you’ll ever be!”

“Yet you still defend me when Jacob thinks I don’t care?”

“He’s our son, Laurie. Whatever I feel towards you, shouldn’t reflect the way he treats you. Don’t take it as a fucking term of endearment.”

“This isn’t gonna last, Andy. She’s young and you’re just looking for a good time-”

“It’s time for you to go, you’ve worn out your welcome,” you bit as you stepped in front of Andy, not liking how angry and frustrated he was getting.

“You think you know him? Understand him? You’ve heard about a few arguments and-”

“I know enough to know that he deserves better than you. Maybe I am just a notch in his belt on his way to something better, but that’s still better than him attaching himself to someone who clearly has her own interest at heart.”

“He’s never gonna make it work with you.”

“Well, here’s to hoping you’re wrong,” you snipped. “You need to go. Now,” you warned, not wanting to show any weakness as she holds your glare.

She looked as if she’s about to say something, before huffing and leaving.

“Are you okay?” you asked almost instantly when the door closed.

“Y/N-”

“Are you okay?” you repeated, making your way over to him.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“Yes I did. She was making you uncomfortable and unhappy. I wasn’t gonna let her talk to you.”

“Sweetheart-”

“Are you okay, Andy?”

“I have you. I’m perfect,” he smiles softly.

You replay that moment over and over in your head, trying to tell yourself that everything between you and Andy is genuine. It would be so much easier to write this all off as lust if you didn’t know Andy the way you do. If you didn’t know his love language. Sure, you and him have mind blowing sex (that’s how all of this got started), but they’re moments when you can see just how much he genuinely cares for you. The late night drives with the windows down and music blasting, the both of you singing at the top of your lungs. Game night, movie night, when he holds you when you randomly start crying over your Mother and how much you miss her, when he joins you in your dance parties that you have in your room so you don’t disturb him, the fact that he still thinks you’re gorgeous when you’re in sweats and shoveling Ben and Jerry’s down your throat, the way he indulges in sappy black and white romance movies...

The way he loves you.

If you’re being honest with yourself, you’re terrified of going back home too. There’s a big part of you that believes that Andy won’t be able to be the same guy he is now when you both return, and that has your heart breaking. Because what happens if he isn’t? Do you stay and make excuses? Do you walk away and move on? Do you beg him to be better because you know he can be? Do you just hate him?

As all of these questions and more roll around in your head, you don’t even notice the tears that start to fall.

“Hey, what’s wrong, Sweetheart?” Andy asks softly, causing you to jump, as he takes a seat next to you.

“I didn’t know you were awake,” you sniffle softly, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand.

“I always wake up when you get out of bed. When you didn’t come back after 5 minutes, I knew you were up for the day.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, what’s going on?”

“Nothing, nothing. It’s so fucking stupid. I’m so fucking stupid.”

“Baby, talk to me.”

“I just love you so much, Andy. God, I hate how much I love you and how stupid it makes me, but I don’t want it to change. I don’t want us to change. Jesus, of all the times to have a breakdown,” you laugh humorlessly.

“What happened, Sweetheart?”

“I just keep thinking about what will happen when we go back home and I really don’t fucking want to.”

“Y/N-”

“I want to be with you, Andy. I’ve never wanted anything so bad, but I’m terrified. I tried to tell myself that it’s just the sex and I can walk away any time I want, but that’s been bullshit from the start. Then, I told myself I stayed because I like being taken care of. It’s been so long and I’ve worked hard, but when I really think about it, we take care of each other. Yeah, you pay my rent, but I hold you when you cry, I cook for you, I sit and listen when you vent, I hold you when you’re overwhelmed....I do all of that and more, and it’s not because you pay for a place for me to live. I’d do all of the things I do for you now whether or not you paid for a single fucking thing. Why? Because I love you. Whether its the smart choice or not, I fucking love you with every thing I have in me. I’ve never loved anyone like this and I’m scared, because what happens if we can’t make this work? What happens if I’m not enough? What happens if you decide you truly don’t want a relationship?”

“Sweetheart-”

“This is all so fucking stupid. I’m so sorry,” you sob, wiping your eyes.

“Stop that, this isn’t stupid at all and I want you to talk to me. I want to know how you feel.”

“I’m being dramatic.”

“No you aren’t. I told you yesterday that I’m afraid that I’m gonna fuck this up. When I could lie to myself and tell myself this was just sex, it was fine. We’re so much farther than that now and I truly want to give you the world. I want to be the man you deserve. The man you need. I’m never going to be worthy of your love, but I’m trying and I promise to always try. Don’t feel stupid for having a rational fear. A fear you have because of me.”

“Andy-”

“You don’t need to say it isn’t my fault, because we both know it is,” he sighs, pulling you onto his lap. “Listen, like you said, we’re gonna figure this out, but we have to take it step by step. Don’t bottle up your feelings and hide them, cause that’s not gonna get us far. I want to know how you’re feeling, where you’re at with all of this, and what you’re afraid of. I tell you everything and you tell me everything, deal?”

All you do is nod softly.

“Oh my sweet girl,” Andy mutters into your hair before kissing it. “My sweet sweet girl, how I love you so.”

For the rest of the trip, you both try to focus on the enjoying the time you have together. That doesn’t mean neither one of you don’t have your fair share of breakdowns, but you’re both quicker to come back from them. The rest of the trip is filled with adventures, late night movies, love making, trying to new foods and drinks, learning as much about the island as you can, and site seeing. You’re both happy, carefree, content, and for a moment you really think you two have a shot in hell.

“I don’t wanna go back tomorrow,” you sigh, laying your head on Andy’s bare chest, making little circles on it with your finger.

“Me neither, Sweetheart. This has been heaven. Lets just extend the trip,” he chuckles and you roll your eyes.

“If only. I could stay here with you forever. Just like this,” you smile up at him, taking in his gorgeous facial features. You chuckle at the little bits of gray in his beard and he cocks an eyebrow. “You’re 42nd birthday is next month.”

“You watch your filthy little mouth,” he groans as burst out laughing. “How am I 42 already?”

“It’s better than the alternative.”

“I suppose your right,” he mutters, laying back on the grass. “You don’t make me feel 42.”

“That’s because you’re a big dumb teenager,” he tease as he chuckles. “What do you wanna do?”

“Well, I know the guys wanna go out, but I’d really rather not bring you around them.”

“What? Ashamed of me?”

“Guess how funny that isn’t?”

“I’m just saying,” you shrug, suddenly feeling very insecure and small. “It’s not like they don’t know how we met, and you all run with an entirely different crowd-”

“Hey, stop it right now,” he chides softly, propping himself up on his shoulders as you sit up. “How could you even think that? Yeah, we met at a Gentlemen’s Club, but who the fuck cares? If you think I should be ashamed of you because you work there, then you should be ashamed of me for being the guy who went there all the time. Don’t ever belittle yourself, especially over myself asshole friends,” he states as he takes your face in his hands. “I’m so fucking happy you love me and I could never be ashamed of you. If anything, I don’t want you around my friends because I’m ashamed of them. The way they’ve spoken to you...I wanna keep you as far from them as possible. I kinda just want us to do something. I’d love to include Jacob, but he’s away at school, so something simple and fun would be perfect. Just you and me,” he smiles as he strokes your cheek softly.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.”

“I’ll see what I can come up with,” you smirk as you settle yourself in his lap. “I love you.”

“I love you...hey, would you wanna live here?” he questions as he tenses a little.

“Hmm?”

“Would you wanna live here, with me?”

“What are you getting at, Andy?”

“If we’re able to make this work, if I can get my shit together, would you wanna live here? In this house with me?”

You can’t stop yourself from lunging forward and kissing him deeply as he chuckles softy, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you as close as possible. “You really want that with me?” you ask breathlessly.

“In about 2 years time, I’ll have more than enough to take care of you-”

“Andy, you don’t have to-”

“I want to, Sweetheart. I’ll always want to take care of you. You can work if you really want to, but know that you don’t have to if you don’t want to. You’ll never need or want for anything.”

“How’d I get so lucky?”

“Guess you’re God’s favorite,” he smirks before pulling you close for another kiss.

You both spend the rest of the day rolling around in the grass, making plans, and making love before deciding that you both need to pack before going to bed. That night Andy holds you close, as if he’s afraid you won’t be there in the morning, and peppers soft kisses all over your neck and shoulder, silently telling you ‘I love you so much’ before you both drift off to sleep.

During the ride back the next day, you know he can sense the dread hanging in the air, but all he does is rub the back of your hand reassuringly as he drives you both to the airport. They’re no spontaneous sexcapades on during the flight home, just exchanged glances and small smiles. You want to believe you two can make it work. You feel like you two have already been through so much that there isn’t anything you two can’t handle together.

But you also know Andy and his anxiety.

“Do you want me to stay over tonight?” Andy asks once he pulls up to your apartment.

“Do you want to?”

“You know I do...”

“But?”

“I just need a few days to reset, that’s all,” he promises softly.

You force down the lump in your throat before smiling weakly and nodding. “I guess I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Hey, I meant everything I said in Hawaii. I’m going to do my best to get my shit together. It’s just that we’re back home now and I need to wrap my head around a few things. I’m not changing my mind or taking back anything that I said. Just give me a few days, okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Sweetheart, I love you,” he sighs sincerely. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Andy. More than you know,” you smile softly before taking his face in your hands and kissing him deeply. “I’ll see you in a few days,” you all but mumble before getting out of the car and getting your bags out of his backseat.

You hear his heavy sigh and you know he feels bad, but you have to trust that he knows what he’s doing, even if you’re completely in the dark about it. The moment you get into your bedroom, you drop your bags and get into before bursting out into tears. You don’t even know why you’re reacting this way. He’s not saying he wants to go back to the way things were, but you thought you two had made enough improvement for him at least want to spend more time with you.

‘He said he just needs a few days, Y/N. You’ve gotta stop over thinking things or you’ll drive the both of you crazy,’ you mentally tell yourself as you try to calm down.

The first two days are hell and you can’t remember the last time you felt so alone. Maybe when you’re Mother died, but that was a completely different type of pain. It doesn’t help that you can’t put off your lunch date with your Father any longer.

“Hey Baby Doll,” he smiles up at you as you take a seat at the table of the restaurant he’s chosen.

“Father.”

“You can’t even pretend to be a little excited to see me?”

“Well, since all of the shit you pulled with Mom, I promised myself that I would never lie. So no,” you smile as the waiter comes and asks for your drink order. “A Jack and Coke, please,” you smile with a slight nod before he walks away.

“It’s 1pm, Baby Doll.”

“I’m gonna need it to get through this.”

“You hate me that much?”

“I don’t hate you, I just want nothing to do with you. God, why do you even want to do this? You didn’t give two shits about me or Mom until she got sick, and now-”

“That’s not true. I love you so much-”

“Not enough for you stick around and be a better husband or Father. Not enough to encourage Vivian to make things right with Mom sooner.”

“Things were complicated, Y/N,” he sighs as you roll your eyes. “I don’t expect you to understand because I hurt you. I hurt you and your Mother-”

“There’s nothing to understand! You’re a fucking liar and a cheater at the end of the day. That’s really all there is. I’m the one who had to hear her cry for you over and over again, praying to God for you to come back-”

“I thought that’s what I wanted, Honey. I couldn’t see myself being a good husband or Father so i just ended up leaving. Almost as soon as I left, I regretted it, but how could I come back? There was nothing I could do to make it right by any of you, so I forced myself to stay away. Then when Vivian still made the effort to have me in her life, I was too much of a coward to tell her not to be angry with your Mother. Having one of you was better than having none of you. Then, when she got sick, I...I wanted to be there for her. For you.”

“We didn’t need you, it’s not like you paid for anything or helped take care of her at all.”

“Yeah, you need no help from me at all,” he scoffs as your drinks arrive. “Your sister told me all about your job.”

“Jesus Christ,” you mutter before taking a sip of your drink and looking up at the waiter. “Please keep them coming,” you smile and he just offers a sympathetic nod before walking away.”Tread lightly.”

“You may hate me, but I still have a right to disapprove,”

“I don’t give a fuck about your approval, in case that hasn’t seemed to come across your mind yet.”

“You’re still my child-”

“No, I’m a grown ass woman. You lost the right to tell me how to live my life when you walked out the fucking door.”

“No parent wants their child sleeping with other people for money.”

“1. No parent just fucking walks out on their kid unless they’re a complete and total dickhead. 2. I’m not sleeping with them, I guess Tweedle-Dee decided to leave that part out.”

“She said there’s one guy-”

“One guy and it’s not like that. It’s...complicated,” you sigh before finishing off your drink. “It’s complicated and I don’t wanna talk about it. At least not with you.”

“Does he love you? Do you trust him?”

“What part of ‘I don’t wanna talk about it with you’ did you not get?”

“You need to make sure that he truly wants and loves you. You met him at this place you work at? I’m assuming he’s older than you, am I right?” Your silence has him scoffing as the waiter brings you another drink. “I thought so.”

“You don’t know shit.”

“I know enough.”

“You don’t know that the last day Mom was alive, he spent the whole day with us because it made her happy. You don’t know that he was the one who woke me up the next day to tell me the news and when I couldn’t get myself together, he was the one to call everyone and set everything up. You don’t know that hes been there for me every day since. You don’t know shit so stop acting like you do.”

“If he’s so damn great, why wasn’t he at the funeral?”

“He was at the funeral. Unlike your little wife, he didn’t wanna make a spectacle of himself.”

“He could’ve at least been by your side at the repast.”

“Just because you didn’t see him, doesn’t mean he wasn’t there.”

“Why the secrecy?”

“Cause it’s no one’s fucking business!” you snap. You’re not a fan of the disproving scowl your Father gives you before shaking his head. “What?”

“He’s someone important, isn’t he? Someone who can’t be seen with a person that does what you do.”

“Why would you-”

“Vivian told me where you work and I know the crowd that frequents there. A bunch of shady assholes, who have a lot of power and a lot of money.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Baby Doll-”

“We’re done talking about this,” you state firmly.

Your Father lets out a mournful sigh before downing all of his drink. “I’m the last person to tell you how to live your life or what decisions to make, but I really do hope that I’m wrong about this man. I know you don’t believe me when I say it, but I really do want you to be happy. I want you to find a man that’s good for you and good to you. No matter what, I will always love you and I’ll always try to be there for you. Whether you want me to be or not,” he finishes sincerely with a sad and soft smile.

“Well, as wonderful as that is to hear, I’m fine and you and your little minion need to stay out of business that doesn’t concern either one of you.”

“Are we ever gonna get to a point where you and I have some sort of a relationship?”

“I don’t know,” you sigh mumble before picking up your drink and taking a sip. “I just don’t know.”

The rest of the lunch is spent in silence and against your better judgment (and the fact that you’re insanely stubborn), you take yourself home. The minute you’re back inside your still empty apartment, you kick off your jeans and fish your phone out of your back pocket.

Still no text or call from Andy.

However, there are two texts from Vivian.

Devil Child: Dad told me you refused to let him drive you home. Please let me know when you’re home safe.

Devil Child: I know you hate me, but please answer me.

You shake your head and chuckle humorlessly before responding.

Y/N: Hey, you know what isn’t a good idea? Telling the one person I can’t stand more than you about my job. Leave me alone and stay out of it.

Devil Child: He’s our Father, Y/N. He has a right to know.

Y/N: Do you think before you speak? He doesn’t have a right to shit. NEITHER OF YOU have a right to anything.

Devil Child: We’re all each other have at this point, Y/N. You can’t keep hating us.

Y/N: Just because I want nothing to with you, doesn’t mean I hate you. I just have no need or desire to bullshit around with you.

Devil Child: Y/N, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.

Y/N: Yeah and I don’t care.

You toss your phone on your nightstand before pulling off your shirt and pulling on one of Andy’s ‘Boston University’ sweatshirts and getting under the covers.

You hate this. You hate being so dependent on someone who’s still having such a hard time trusting you. This isn’t you. You’ve never let anyone have control over your feelings like this, and you promised yourself that you never would, but here you are. In bed, crying over a brokenhearted grown man and waiting for him to make the next move for the both of you.

It’s not like you ever put up much of a fight about it.

“Jesus Andy, don’t start this shit again,” you muttered as you got dressed. “Your jealousy is out of control and for fucking what?”

“Sweetheart-”

“Seriously Andy, what’s the fucking reason for it? No other man can look at me, but you can still sleep with whatever woman you here? What fucking sense does that make? How is that fair?”

“Is there someone else here you wanna sleep with?”

“How the fuck is that what you just took away from what I just said?! You know what? Fuck you, I’m not doing this with you tonight. Go get buried in someone else’s cunt and call me when your temper tantrum is over,” you bit, grabbing your bag and leaving the room.

“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?!” he questioned angrily, walking after you.

“Why do you need to know?”

“Don’t play this game with me tonight,” he warned hotly, following you into the elevator.

“Play what game? The game you play with me literally every fucking day? ‘Will he or won’t he come home to me? Will or won’t he fuck someone else?’ Those games?” you questioned with a humorless laugh. “It fucking hurts to think that you possibly couldn’t be the only one, right?”

“Y/N-”

“Ya know what? Maybe I’ll go to a club and bring a guy home with me. Better yet, maybe I’ll just find someone here to fuck,” you shrugged as you both got off of the elevator. “It’s not like we both don’t know how much all the guys here wanna fuck me. Maybe they can take me off your hands for a while,” you scoffed, finally turning to face him. His fists were balled and you could tell that he was using all of his energy to not lose it on you. “Now you have a slight idea of how I feel, Andy. Fucking hurts doesn’t it?”

You rolled your eyes as his just softened a bit.

“I’m going home, Andy. I’m over this shit and I’m over you,” you huffed before storming out.

You made it to the front of your car, before you felt Andy hand on your wrist, pulling you to a stop.

“What fuck-” was all you were able to get out before his lips crashed against yours. His arms snaked around your waist and instinctively wrapped your arms around his neck.

God, you two were so fucking toxic.

“Andy,” you breathed out as you two broke apart.

“Over me? Oh Sweetheart, you’ll never be over me, just like I’ll never be over you,” he husked as one of his hands traveled up your skirt.

“Fuck!”

“You know what it is? You know what I really think is pissing you off?” he continued to taunt as he ripped your panties off. “I think it’s because you want me to show everyone just how addicted we are to one another.”

“Don’t,” you warned pathetically. “Fuck!” you moaned as he started to finger you.

“You sure you don’t wanna give em a show? The way this tight little cunt is responding to me, it seems like you want everyone to see just how addicted I am to you. How much I’ll never be able to quit you,” whispered hotly against your ear before licking the shell of it.

Your hands were moving faster than your brain. The emotional and vulnerable parts of you were completely drowning out the logical and rational parts of you. You were undoing his pants as fast as you could and whined in protest when he removed his fingers, but he was quick to grip your ass and you instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist as he hoisted you up.

You lulled your head back and moaned in pleasure as you felt him thrust himself inside of you.

‘Guess the secret’s out now,’ you thought to yourself as your back hit the hood of your car and Andy starts thrusting into you relentlessly.

“You know why I get jealous, Sweetheart,” he grunted, not slowing up at all, finally meeting your gaze. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I fucking hate you, Andy,” you moaned, tears brimming in your eyes from the pleasure you were feeling, and the pain in your heart.

“I know you do, Sweetheart. And you have every right to.”

It’s not like you could be mad at him for the position you found yourself in. You were all too willing to let him fuck you in front of everyone, because you were just as sick and stupid as he was. You wanted the girls to see how much he desired and worshiped you, just like he wanted to guys to see how desperate and in love you were with him. You both wanted everyone to see just how much you two belonged to one another.

Andy didn’t give a single fuck about his career and you didn’t give a shit about what your friends and coworkers would think of you. All that mattered was each other and proving a point. Even without saying the dreaded phrase, you two made it known just how truly, stupidly, deeply, and madly in love you were with one another.

“Andy...Andy!” you mewled, clawing at his back, as he started biting and sucking on your neck. You felt your toes curl inside your shoes and you knew you weren’t gonna last long.

“Yeah Sweetheart? That close for me already?” he smirked looking down at you at you.

“Too fucking good! I can’t...I can’t...shit!”

“Give it to me, Sweetheart. You know what Daddy wants,” he husked, as his grip on your waist got tighter in the most painfully pleasurable way.

“Fuck!” you cried out, cumming hard for him, your brain feeling foggy from your euphoric high.

“Such a good girl for me,” he grunted before pulling out and getting on his knees.

“What-Andy!” you whimpered as you felt his tongue on your clit. “Oh my God!”

You tried to close your legs, but he wasn’t having it. He used one hand to push one of your legs to the side, while using three of his fingers on his other hand to fuck you. The only thing Andy let you do was hold on for the ride. You gripped his hair tight as you were grinding yourself against him, your brain completely too fucked out to allow anything other than moans and cries to leave your lips. All Andy did was grunt in approval as he continued his assault between your legs, and you knew he wasn’t gonna stop until you were a complete puddle on the hood of your car.

“Gonna...gonna cum! Fuck!” you cried out, your orgasm washing over you hard, as your body went limp.

Andy stayed on his knees, cleaning up the mess you made for him, as you tried to comprehend what the fuck had just happened. Why were you two so toxic? Why couldn’t either of you just make a decision and fucking stick with it? Why the fuck did you have to fall in love with him? Why couldn’t you stop?

“You okay, baby?” Andy asked softly, slowly pulling you out of your thoughts, as he peppered kisses up and down your neck.

“People...people saw,” was all you could think to say, still too fucked out to really put a real thought together.

“That was the point, Sweetheart. Don’t want there to be anymore fucking confusion for anyone anymore.”

“You didn’t cum.”

“Oh, I’m gonna when we get back home,” he smirked, helping you sit up right.

You said nothing as you tried to regain your balance, picking up your bag and fishing out your car keys. “You’re driving home,” was all you said before making your way to the passenger side.

That weekend, you and Andy stayed hold up in your apartment, making love and arguing. Never reaching a resolution but still never quitting each other.

From that day on, guys stopped approaching you and women stopped approaching you. Hell, half of them asked you if it was okay for them to fuck him.

At the time, it felt like a win, like you two were headed in the right now, but as you sit in your bed, you keep being at war with yourself. Why does he need so much time? Why hadn’t you two just just stayed in Hawaii. You call out of work for the next two days and just settle in, allowing yourself until you fall asleep.

By the middle of the next day, you’ve hit the drinking part of your depression.

You would have thought hearing the door open and close would have made you happy, but you’re just numb.

“Sweetheart?” Andy calls from the kitchen, throwing his keys down on the counter top.

“What?” you counter, taking a sip of your whiskey, still flipping through channels for something to barely pay attention to.

You hear him sigh before he slowly makes his way to the bedroom door. “Sam told me you called out for the next few days. What’s going on?”

“Didn’t wanna risk seeing you go off with one of the other girls.”

“Sweetheart, I told you I’m done with that.”

“Yeah well, you’ve radio silent since we got back, so maybe something changed. Maybe you found someone younger-”

“Y/N, that’s not fair and it’s a low blow,” he quickly interrupts, and you can tell you’ve really hurt him.

You sigh before throwing down the remote and finally turning your attention to him. “I’m sorry.”

“What happened? I knew you’d be upset, but I didn’t think you’d get this mad at me.”

“I had lunch with my Father and fucking Vivian told him about what I do for a living, and you came up. Not by name, but he’s aware of how we met.”

“You listened to your Father of all-”

“You haven’t said a thing to me since you dropped me off here,” you quickly defend, getting irritated with his annoyance.

“I told you, I just needed some time to sort shit out.”

“When don’t you?”

“Y/N-”

“Are you staying over tonight?” you interrupt, not wanting to ruin the buzz you have.

“Do you want me to?”

“When don’t I want you to?”

“Come here, Angel,” he smiles softly.

You’re slow to get up and make your way over to him, but the minute his arms wrap around your waist, you wrap your legs around his and your arms around his neck.

You’re finally home.

“I missed you,” he whispers softly before pressing a soft kiss to your shoulder.

“Did you really?”

“There wasn’t a second that I wasn’t thinking about you.”

“I love you, Andy.”

“I love you too, Y/N.”

“Are you finally ready to really be together?”

“I’m getting there, I swear. I just needed time to re-think everything and get myself away from...those thoughts. Hawaii was perfect, you’re perfect, and I love you more than I can express.”

“Andy-”

“I know, I’ve asked for so much more than I deserve. I keep asking for more than I deserve. Please, just a little bit more patience,” he begs softly.

“I’m hungry,” you respond softly, not wanting to make yourself any more upset.

“That doesn’t surprise me. Have you showered today?”

“No.”

“Lets shower first then I’ll order something.”

“I can pay for my own food.”

“Don’t start. I want to do this.”

“You wanna be everything but commit to me.”

“Y/N-”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. That was mean.”

“I deserved it.”

“You said we’re gonna shower-”

“Not in the way you think, Angel,” he chuckles, his hold on you tightening a little as he starts to make his way towards the bathroom.

“Why not?” you groan, as chuckles a little harder.

“1. You’re drunk-”

“I’m buzzed, not drunk.”

“Fine, you’re buzzed. 2. We can’t keep fucking to keep from arguing, it’s not healthy.”

“Nothing about us is healthy,” you shrug as he gently sets you down.

“I want that to change, Y/N,” he says with all sincerity as he turns the water on. “If we’re gonna do this, really do this, then things can’t keep being as turbulent as they are. It’s not lost on me that it’s more my fault than yours, but still. I want this to be a real relationship, Angel. I want to be the man you deserve.”

You can’t stop the stupid smile that spreads across your face.

“What?” he laughs.

“You love me!” you squeal, running in place a little.

“It’s about time it clicked for you,” he laughs as he checks the water. “I think it’s ready.”

You’re both out of your clothes almost instantly and quickly make your way into the shower. A small smile comes to your faces as the water hits your skin; Andy’s always been the best at paying attention to what you love.

Andy lathers up your soap on your loofah before slowly spreading it around your shoulders, while kissing from your forehead to your cheek.

“I love you,” he whispers softly as he slowly gets to his knees, lathering up the rest of you.

“Andy, you don’t have to.”

“Just let me,” he begs softly.

It’s funny to you, how a simple gesture can make your heart light up for him. He takes his time lathering you up all over before placing you directly under the shower head. You take your time, letting the water wash away all of the soap, pain, and heartache you’ve been feeling over the last few days.

Andy cups your face in his hands as he steps under the shower with you, kissing you deeply as you wrap your arms around.

Finally, everything feels as it should.

You finally feel like you two are truly on the track you’re meant to be on. You both spend that night cuddled up on the couch, watching an ‘The Office’ marathon until you both fall asleep.

When you awake the next morning, it’s to the feeling of him placing small kisses up and down your cheek, telling you that he’ll see you after work.

“Stay home,” you whine, turning over and pulling his arm close to you.

“I wish I could,” he chuckles softly. “I promise I’ll be back tonight though. I love you.”

“I love you.”

For the first two weeks, that’s how everything went. There was barely ever a time when he wasn’t with you. The only time he stays at his own place is when he stays late for work and even then, he talks himself into coming over because he doesn’t wanna be without you.

The love making is 10x’s more amazing, there’s more trust, understanding, love, and openness. Andy’s more vocal about his fears which makes it easier for you to be more vocal about your frustrations. He more open with you which makes it easier for you to figure out what he actually needs instead of just what he wants. Yeah, you two have your little arguments from time to time, but (in a way) it makes it that much easier to pursue the relationship you two want, and it feels like a dream.

Yes, everything is picture perfect until Jacob’s birthday dinner.

“You both came,” Jacob beams, wrapping his arms around Andy first before hugging you just as tight.

“It’s nice to see you both again,” Sarah smiles shyly, waving a little.

“It’s good to see you again too,” you smile, wrapping her in a hug just as tight as you gave Jacob moments ago. “We should head inside,” you smile at Jacob who frowns in response. “Ah shit, what’s wrong?”

“So...” Jacob starts softly “Mom’s inside.”

“Jacob!” Andy groans as you grab his hand to try and soothe the irritation you both feel. “You should’ve-”

“I know, but I wanted to see you. I wanted to see all of you,” he smiles towards you. “She said she’ll be on her best behavior.”

“How many glasses of wine ago was that?” Andy questions, looking into the restaurant; spotting his ex-wife filling her glass with what’s left of the wine bottle.

“Maybe 4?” Jacob shrugs, following his Father’s gaze. “Listen, I know that her resentment on all of us is my-”

“Don’t you dare,” Andy quickly interrupts. “Her resentment is on her. You were rightfully proven innocent, and my secrets were mine to keep. She made her choices and now she has to deal with them. Don’t blame yourself for one second, Bud,” Andy smiles reassuringly at Jacob, taking his side profile in his hand. “It’s your birthday and we’re gonna have a great time no matter what.”

“Dad, if you want to-”

“I wanna stick to the plan, Jacob,” Andy smiles reassuringly at his son.

So, you all put on your brave faces and made your way inside, as you do your best to drown out your insecurities as Laurie and Andy embrace in a brief hug. However, the look on his face tells you that it means more to him than he wants to admit.

He misses her and that breaks your heart.

You do your best to ignore the pain you feel by downing drinks and making small talks with Sarah. You’re perfectly fine until Laurie decides to question your relationship with Andy.

“I really didn’t think he’d bring you tonight,” Laurie scoffs towards you before finishing off her 6th glass of wine. “How’d you talk him into it with your job?”

“I know how much she and Jacob get along, so I wanted her here. No more and no less,” Andy snaps, keeping his eyes on the lit candle in front of him.

“What’s your job?” Jacob mindlessly asks, digging into his plate of chicken penne vodka.

“I waitress,” you quickly clarify, grabbing your own glass of whiskey and almost downing it.

“I don’t see what’s so wrong with waitressing, Mom. Sarah waitresses,” Jacob defends as his gaze lands back on his Mother.

“She just doesn’t seem like the type of woman he’d fall for,” Laurie smiles innocently, before shoveling angel hair pasta into her mouth. “Ignore me.”

“I’m really happy you came, Y/N. My dad is always in a better mood when you’re around,” Jacob smiles sweetly towards you.

You know he means well but you can tell that’s the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

“How long have you two been together?” Laurie presses as you see Andy’s grip tighten on his fork from the corner of your eye.

“We’re just hanging out.”

“You mean, having fun?”

“He means that we’re falling in love and having fun while figuring it out,” you practically snap as Andy clears his throat.

“Mom, you said you wouldn’t do this tonight,” Jacob grumbles, throwing down his fork.

“I’m sorry, but I just don’t see how this is ever gonna work,” she laughs incredulously. “What are you? 22? 23? You know her looks are gonna fade, Andy. She’s either gonna get too old or the money is gonna dry up, but no matter what, she’s gonna leave you!”

“I think that’s enough now,” you warn, not liking how anxious Andy is getting. “You know don’t know anything about anything, so I suggest you quit while you’re ahead.”

“Oh, I know more than you think. I know Andy. He’s never gonna commit to you because he’s still in love with me. You thought your little trip to Hawaii would change things?”

“That’s enough, Laurie,” Andy warns, his anger starting to show itself.

“The hell it is! You can’t even bring yourself to call her your girlfriend! What is this? High School?”

“Laurie, it’s Jacob’s birthday!” you snap, slamming your hand down on the table, causing everyone to jump. “Whatever issues you have with me, for whatever reason, this is neither the time or place to settle it. So, I suggest you stop drinking and focus on the food in front of you. If you’re incapable of doing that, I suggest you leave.”

“You think you can-”

“I just did. You’re unhappiness is your own doing. I’m not going to sit here and let you belittle me because you couldn’t decide on what you wanted. Andy loved you, you messed it up, and now he’s trying to move on. That’s it. Your little outburst isn’t going to change anything, so I suggest you shut the fuck up about it or head home,” you finish, eyebrow cocked as you clench your firsts.

Laurie looks from you to Andy before finishing her drink, grabbing her purse, and storming out.

“Jesus,” Andy mutters, throwing down his fork. “She shouldn’t be driving. Let me get her a service.”

“Dad-”

“I’ll be right back, Buddy. Everything is fine,” he smiles reassuringly at his son before running after Laurie.

“I’m so sorry-”

“It’s fine, Jacob,” you smile weakly. “It was bound to happen at some point. It’s fine.”

You and Andy do you your best to salvage what’s left of the night, but the damage is done. When all is said and done, you all awkwardly say goodnight to one another and you and Andy start on the trip home.

“I’m so sorry about that, Angel-”

“Please don’t apologize for her actions. You can’t control-”

“I should’ve known better,” he sighs as you two come to a stop light.

You look at his demeanor and notice how hard he’s gripping the wheel. You know her words got to him, but you aren’t sure just how much.

“What’s wrong, Andy?”

“After all that-”

“Don’t. I know you too well, so please don’t.”

“I don’t wanna argue with you too.”

“Then talk to me. We’ve been doing so good.”

“Sweetheart-”

“Don’t start shutting me out. It only gets us right back to where we started,” you beg. His silence only sets your nerves off, so you start pressing. “While you were away from me, did you see her?”

“Can we please not do this?”

“So you did,” you scoff, looking out the widow. “God, I’m such a fucking idiot!”

“I swear, nothing happened. We just talked.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Because I didn’t wanna make you upset!”

“You’re not that fucking stupid, Andy! You had to know she’d bring it up at some point! Whether it was tonight or 6 Christmas’ later, she was bound to bring it up!”

“Listen, we had dinner, talked, cried, argued, and that was that. Yes, I told her that I still love and think about her, but I also told her that it’s time for me to let her go. I can’t be with you and still hold on to her. I told her that I’m happy with you, I love you, and that I’m moving on. She said she’d respect that and wished me all the best.”

“Yeah, cause that’s going so fucking well.”

“Sweetheart, what do you want from me? I’m being honest with you!”

“No, you being honest with me would’ve been you telling me all of shit when you first came home!”

“Yeah, because you were in such a good mood to hear it.”

“Fuck you!”

“What? What can I do to fix this? To make you happy? You wanna go away again? You want a-”

“Don’t fucking try to buy my forgiveness!” you snap. “What else do I need to do to show you that I don’t want your fucking money?!”

“You were all too happy to take it when I met you, and you enjoyed it plenty when we went to Hawaii,” he mutters, pulling up to your apartment and turning off the engine.

“You’re such a fucking asshole, I swear to Christ,” you mumble, wiping away the few tears that you accidentally let slip. “You know what? Don’t do a single fucking thing for me anymore! Don’t pay my rent, don’t take me out, don’t-”

“Sweetheart stop it. I didn’t mean it-”

“No, go fuck yourself, Andy! I’m not doing this shit all over again! I’m not her! I didn’t fucking hurt you!”

“Can we please just-”

“No! I don’t wanna see you! I don’t wanna be with you! How fucking stupid am I?! I keep doing this dance with you and I’m fucking tired of it! Tired of you!” you scream before getting out of the car and slamming the door shut. “I’m done!”

“Don’t,” he warns, getting and slamming the door shut behind. “Don’t you dare fucking say that!”

“I mean it, Andy! I’m over all this shit! I’m so fucking terrible? I’m some fucking leach?! Then don’t fucking be with me! Go be with Laurie or Mary! I don’t give a shit!” you yell as you get inside the complex.

You can feel the stares of your neighbors as you furiously push the ‘Up’ button for the elevator, but you don’t care. You’ve had enough and you deserve better. As you you step inside the elevator, your tears start to come harder as the pain in your heart becomes more and more evident. But you need to do this.

You need to quit Andy.

“You think you can just walk out on me?” Andy questions darkly, slipping into the elevator right before the door closes.

“Stop it, Andy. We’re done. Whatever the fuck this is, it’s done!”

“We’re not ever done, Sweetheart,” he states as he presses your back against the wall. “You think you can just throw us away? You think my love is something you can just get away from?” he questions before kissing the hollow part of your neck.

“Don’t,” you moan softly.

“We argue, Angel, One of the many things we’re good at,” he husks as he hoists you up, your legs doing what they always and wrapping themselves around him tight. “I said some things I didn’t mean and I’m sorry. So fucking sorry,” he promises before biting your neck.

“Andy stop it,” you whimper pathetically, hating how easily you’re giving in to him.

“Don’t ever say that again, you got that, Sweetheart?” he roughly asks as the elevator arrives at your floor.

“I’m not doing this with you again!”

“Oh yes you are.”

Andy has your clothes off and bent over the counter almost as soon as you two get into the apartment, fucking all of his frustration and anger into you from behind.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Angel,” he grunts, his grip on your tight. “I didn’t mean any of it.”

“I fucking hate you, I swear to God,” you moan, clawing at the counter top, loving the roughness of every thrust.

“Stop saying that, you know you don’t. Stop it, please...please don’t say it!”

“Andy-”

“You are every thing to me, Sweetheart. Everything...shit!”

“I fucking hate that I love you! Wish I could...wish I could quit you,” you moan, your release building fast. “Love you so much!”

“Let go for me, Baby! Please!”

“Fuck!” you cry out, your knees almost giving out as you get lost in the pleasure of your release washes over you. “Fill me up, Andy! I need it! Need to feel close to you!”

“Fuck Angel!” Andy grunts, his seed spilling into you as he tries to ride out both of your highs.

You both stay there for a moments, trying to come down from your highs while also trying to handle all of the emotions you both are feeling. You’re so tired of giving into him so easily, but you love him so much. The one person who makes you the happiest also makes you feel the worst.

“I know...I know keep saying I’m sorry and then doing the same shit. I swear I don’t mean it, it’s just...my initial reaction is to just to defend myself.”

“I don’t know how else to show you that I don’t want to hurt you, Andy. I just want to love. All I’ve ever wanted since this became something more is love you and care for you. I can’t do what you don’t let me.”

“I know,” he groans as he pulls out before turning you to face him. “I know that I’m the reason-”

“You keep saying that you know, but you keep doing the same shit, Andy. I can’t keep doing this with you. I love you too much and it hurts too much. I know how badly she hurt you, but I’m not her. You know me well enough to know that I would never do that.”

“Sweetheart-”

“Something’s gotta change or I have to walk away,” you sniffle out. “I’m not your punching bag, Andy.”

You softly push him away from you and slowly make your way to the bedroom. The minute you’re under the covers you just let out all of the tears you’ve been holding in.

Why can’t all of this be simpler?

Andy comes to bed a few minutes later and holds you close, and you’re all too happy to cuddle up to him. Yeah, you’re angry with him, but Andy is still your home. Even when he’s the cause of your pain, he’s still all you want.

“I don’t know why I can’t get my shit together, Sweetheart. I know I’m an asshole and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it anymore. I just wanna lay here with you.”

“Whatever you want,” he whispers softly before kissing the top of your head. “Whatever you want.”

Neither one of you says anything, but you can tell that you know there’s a change, and not for the better.

Andy pulls his regular “stay away” routine that he has after every argument you two have, the only difference this time?

You’re not trying to reel him back in.

Soon enough, the arguments become more constant, he’s staying over less, and the love making is more desperate than loving.

“When were you gonna tell me you put your two weeks in?” Andy asks, storming inside your apartment.

“Oh, look who’s here,” you mutter from the sofa.

“Y/N-”

“I told you that I want another job, Andy.”

“I thought you’d at least tell me before you did it!”

“Well, maybe I would have if you were ever here,” you shrug, still not meeting his angry gaze. “I’m not fucking arguing about this, Andy. I don’t want to be there and you keep saying that you don’t want me there-”

“Yeah, but I wanna take care of you-”

“No, you wanna control me.”

“You know that’s not true!”

“Is that something I know? Feels an awful lot like control when you try and persuade me to fucking work for you.”

“Sweetheart-”

“It’s late and I’m tired. Do whatever the fuck you want, I’m going to bed.”

“We’re not even gonna talk about this?”

“Oh, I thought we did? Or does it not count because you’re not getting your way?” you question, finally meeting his gaze as you turn off the TV. You can see all the worry, stress, guilt, and pain that he feels, but it’s become more common than not for you two to hurt one another. “That’s what I thought. Goodnight, Andy,” you sigh before getting up and making your way to your bedroom.

You know it’s the beginning of the end, but you can’t bring yourself to leave him. You keep hoping that there’s a way for you two to get back to where you were, but as arguments become louder and nights become lonelier, you’re almost completely out of hope.

However, there’s one last hope: his birthday.

“Happy Birthday!” you laugh as soon as Andy answers the phone.

“Thank you, baby,” he laughs softly. “I love you.”

“And I love you! What time do you think you’ll be heading over?”

“Oh, actually, the guys are taking me out.”

“Wait...what?”

“Yeah, they’re taking me indoor golfing or something. I’ll come by after.”

“Oh...okay then,” you say softly, biting hard on your bottom lip to hide the disappointment. You feel the tears brimming in your eyes, but you refuse to cry while on the phone with him. “Well, have fun then,” you all but mumble before hanging up.

You all but crumple to the ground as the tears start to flow freely. He knows you two had planned to spend the afternoon together, and you were planning on surprising him with go-kart tickets, because he’s been saying for weeks how he wishes he had more time, because he really wants to go. You’ve made his favorite meal and got his favorite ice cream cake. He went out of his way to hurt you this time, and you’re now more sure than ever, that you two won’t ever find your way back.

You throw out his cake and leave his made plate on the table.

You open a bottle of whiskey and take a seat on the sofa, deciding that you’re done. You’ve had enough and you’re not gonna stay around for him to hurt you any longer.

When you hear the door open at 11, you roll your eyes and keep them glued to the TV. You hear him sigh and you’re guessing that hes either seen the cake in the trash or the food on the table.

Whatever it is, you don’t care and you hope he feels like shit. You hope he’s having the worst birthday ever.

“Sweetheart, why didn’t you tell me-”

“You’re the one who said, in Hawaii, that you wanted us to spend your birthday together. That was your fucking request.”

“Y/N-”

“So I, like a fucking idiot, spend the day making you your favorite food, getting your favorite fucking cake, ready to surprise you with fucking go-kart tickets, just for you to blow me off. However, I guess that it shouldn’t have been a surprise since that seems to be the only thing you’re capable of these days.”

“That’s not true and you know it!”

“I hope you’re not here for birthday sex, because I’m a little too drunk for that,” you scoff before finishing off your drink.

“Don’t.”

“Well, what the fuck do you want, Andy? It’s obviously not to spend time with me.”

“Of course I want to spend-”

“No, because if you truly wanted to, you would have invited me out with you.”

“You know why I couldn’t,” he scowls, leaning against the table.

“What’s that supposed to mean?!” you snap, finally turning your attention to him.

“You know exactly what it means.”

You can feel your heart breaking but you can’t drop it. “You said you aren’t ashamed of me.”

“I’m not, but just because I’m not doesn’t mean I can just bring you around. They all know how we met, what you used to do.”

“I’ve only ever slept with you!”

“Be that as it may-”

“I would never do that to you, Andy. Never say something like that!”

“Well, it’s not my fault you love me more than I love you,” he shrugs, but the look on his face tells you that he instantly regrets it.

“Get out!” you shout at him, finally getting off of the sofa and storming over to him.

“Y/N-”

“GET OUT!” you scream, tears flowing freely as you start to shove him.

“Baby, please just-”

“Get out, get out, GET OUT!” you scream, your hands furiously hitting him in the chest repeatedly.

Andy sighs in defeat before slowly turning around and leaving. The minute the door closes, you sink the floor and start crying uncontrollably. You love him more than he loves you? What the fuck are you even doing anymore? Why haven’t cut yourself free of him?

Because you’re a fool in love. That’s why.

You cry until you fall asleep, wanting nothing than to just talk to your Mother. You want nothing more for her to hug you tight and tell you that’ll all be okay, but like everything else in your life, what you love and crave the most, you can‘t have.

Andy waits three days before finally texting you.

My Beautiful Disaster: I know you hate me and you have every right, but please come by my office today. I wanna take you out to lunch and talk things out. I really want to work this out. I was so wrong and out of line. Please, just meet me and we’ll figure all this shit out.

You laid in bed and read the text over and over again. He’s always sorry, always trying to make it up to you, always saying what you want to hear but never actually following through.

Well, not this time. Not anymore.

You get out of bed and go through your drawers until you find one of the skimpy lingerie Andy bought for you when you two first started seeing each other. You curl your hair and apply your makeup perfectly. You put on the lacy skinny black heels he loves and look yourself over in the mirror. You need to make sure you look perfect. You grab his ratty old trench coat before grabbing your car keys and making your way out and start on your way to his job.

When you finally get there, you take a deep breath as you shut off your car. A million thoughts running through your head as you try to build up the courage to do what needs to be done.

‘It’s now or never, babe,’ you tell yourself mentally.

When you get out of the car, you make the sure the coat is tight and secure around you before making your way up the steps and inside the large and intimidating building. When you ask the receptionist for directions to Andy’s office, you don’t miss the way she looks you over, and you can feel the eyes of what feels like one hundred men on you.

‘Focus on the task at hand,’ you remind yourself.

You quickly make your way to his office and take a deep breath before knocking on his door.

“Come in,” he states softly, sounding distracted by something.

You push down the lump in your throat blink back tears before opening the door then quickly closing it behind you.

“What’s up...Sweetheart?” Andy questions, eyebrow cocked as he looks over you, his eye settling on your heels. “What’s...”

“I figured we’d just jump straight to it,” you shrug before opening the trench coat.

“W..what-”

“This is what you really want, right? To fuck me? To keep fucking me? So, lets just do it. You don’t even have to pay me for it now.”

“Y/N-”

“No Andy. You always apologize then do the same shit. I always fucking believe you, because I’m a fucking moron, and then you do the same fucking thing. But as long as you’re a good fuck, I guess I should be grateful, right? I always let you in my fucking pussy, and my fucking heart, and you just abuse the love I have for you. So, instead of you telling me shit I wanna hear, lets just jump to the part you love the most. Besides, you said it the other night; all your little buddies know exactly how we met and what I used to do. I’m your little slut, right? Your little money loving slut?”

“Sweetheart, please-”

“No. I don’t wanna hear it anymore. You don’t have to lie to me anymore. Just fuck me and get it over with. As per usual, take what you want from me and then toss me aside.”

“That’s not what I want at all,” he sobs softly. “You know I love you. I just-”

“There’s always a fucking excuse! I don’t want to cry anymore, I don’t wanna feel my heart break anymore, and I don’t wanna keep hoping for you to change. For you to love me as much as I love you. So, lets just go back to what this has always been. Sex. If it makes you feel better, I’ll let you hold me afterwards so you can feel like we actually have something special.”

“If you’ll just hear me out-”

“I’m tired of hearing you out,” you sniffle, wiping away tears. “I’m tired of believing in you, I’m tired of taking you back, I’m tired of you always making an excuse as to why you can’t just fucking be with me...I’m tired of all of it. So, if you’re not gonna fuck me, I’m gonna be going.”

“Please-”

“Bye Andy,” you sob before opening his office door and storming out, not even bothering to close the coat.

By the time you get back to your car, you’re a blubbering mess. The hardest part is about to happen, but you know that if you don’t take the next step, you’ll never be free of him.

When you get back to your apartment, you pack all of your things (and a few of Andy’s sweaters), before grabbing a pen and paper and leaving him a note. You take one final look around before placing the key to the apartment on top of the note you left for him on the kitchen counter.

It’s time for you to say goodbye to Andy for good.

Andy’s P.O.V.

How could be so stupid? How the fuck could I have said that? You love me more than I love you? That’s probably the biggest fucking lie I’ve ever told. What is it that always makes me treat you like shit? I know for a fact that there’s nothing you’d ever do to hurt me, and I just keep pushing. Pushing you to do what I want, away, towards anger...I keep fucking this up and I really fucking wish I could figure out why.

Why couldn’t I just tell you that I saw Laurie? It truly meant nothing, I just needed some fucking closure.

That night was so fucking terrible, but I’d do it all over again if it meant I could feel the sense of freedom I felt when I left the restaurant that night.

“I’m really happy to see you, Andy,” Laurie beamed at me as I took a seat across from her.

“You look good,” I smiled awkwardly. They’re so many emotions running through my mind, of course they all go back to Y/N, but I need to get through this if I want us to have any real chance. “Thanks for meeting me.”

“Well, you said you wanted to talk-”

“I don’t wanna be rude, but I’m gonna stop you right there. I don’t want to get your hopes up and make you think we have a chance at working things out. This isn’t that at all.”

“Oh,” is all she said and for just a moment, I felt like an asshole. Then I remember my reason for doing all of this.

Y/N.

“I want to start off by apologizing to you. The last few years of our marriage was a shit show to say the least, and me being an asshole didn’t help a fucking thing.”

“It’s not like I didn’t push you to it.”

“I shouldn’t have acted out like that. I was angry, hurt, and I just wanted to hurt you. However, no matter what happened between us, you’re still Jacob’s mother and I shouldn’t have treated you that way. I let my pain bleed all over every thing and turn me into someone I don’t like. Someone I don’t recognize. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” she smiled softly as the waiter approached to take our drink order.

There was a time that smile meant everything to me and I’d be lying if I said it breaks my heart with how little it means to me now.

“So, if we’re not here to talk about trying again, I’m guessing we’re to talk about her,” Laurie sighed, sitting back a little after the waiter walked off.

“Don’t say it like that.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Andy. That I’m happy for you? That I want the best for you?”

“That’s exactly what I want you to say, Laurie. I didn’t do this to us. I fought hard as hell to save our marriage and you decided you didn’t want it anymore. I couldn’t change your mind so I lashed out. In doing so, I met Y/N and Laurie...I love her. I fucking love her so much and I don’t want to fuck it up.”

“Andy-”

“I still love you, Laurie. A part of me probably always will, but I can’t ever be with you again. Not after everything we’ve been through, but I wanna try with her. I want to really try,” I practically mumbled as the waiter came back with our drinks. I’m not surprised that neither of us wants a thing to drink; wanting to be as numb as possible.

“She’s just a mouth keep your cock warm, Andy. You think you love her-”

“Don’t,” I scoffed. “Don’t belittle her when you don’t know a thing about her. She is funny, smart as a fucking whip, compassionate, thoughtful, an amazing cook, loving, hard working, loyal...she’s amazing, Laurie. Jacob loves her-”

“Great.”

“I had to move on at some point and you know that.”

“I really didn’t want you to.”

“I tried to make it work with you, Laurie. I really did,” a smiled weakly, my eyes watering just a little. “We had a good run though. No one can say we didn’t have our moment in the sun.”

“We really did,” she sniffled out as wiped her eyes. “So, what made you realize that you’re really in love with this...woman.”

“I’ve known for a while, but I’ve been too afraid to commit. Then we went to Hawaii-”

“That was supposed to be our trip.”

“We were supposed to have a lot of things, babe.”

“Yeah, my bad, I fucked that up,” she chuckled humorlessly. “Anyway, you two went to Hawaii...”

“It was just perfect. The small gestures overwhelmed her and the biggest ones had her hugging me for hours. We danced, we went on adventures, we had deep and personal talks, we stayed up to watch the sunrise...what I’m about to say, I’m not saying to hurt you, but she’s everything I’ve ever wanted. Yeah, I know I look like a dirty old man, but it’s nothing to do with how old she is. If anything, that’s just a bonus. Someone like her loving someone as fucked as me...it’s unreal. She’s perfect and I’m losing her because I’m afraid. I wanted to have this dinner...I need closure, Laurie. I can’t move forward with her if I don’t have closure with you.”

“Andy-”

“Laurie, I want us to be okay, maybe even be friends, but I can’t keep feeling like my happiness is destroying you. Yeah, in the beginning, I did wanna hurt you like you hurt me, but now...I just wanna be happy again. I wanna be happy with her and not feel like it’s crushing you.”

“I guess I kinda owe you, don’t I?” she sobbed, weak smile on her face.

If only she knew how much it was tearing me apart to do this to her.

“I can....I can be nice to her,” she sniffled. “Like her? That’s not gonna happen any time soon, but I can be nice. If it lasts, I can come around to the idea of being friendly with her at some point. She makes you happy and she makes Jacob happy, so I don’t have much of a choice do I?”

“Thank you, Laurie.”

The rest of the night was filled with planning and crying, trying to be civil, and coming to the conclusion that we truly are better apart than together at this point. When all was said and done, we said our goodbyes and wished each other the best before heading off.

I had planned to tell you that night, but when I got to your place and saw that you were already drunk and upset, how was I supposed to say anything? Yeah, a smarter man would have. A better man would have, but I’m neither of those things. So, instead, I just hold you tell you that I love you and I want to commit.

I tell you I love you and want to commit, and then don’t fucking do it.

Instead of being the man I wanted to be, I was a coward and ran and hid from you the moment we got into a huge argument over my fucking ex-wife.

Why the fuck did her words have to get to me? Why is this so hard for me? Why can’t I just take the fucking leap? You’re probably more terrified than I am, but you’re still waiting and hoping for me to be a better person. I keep fucking failing you and I wish I could stop.

I want to stop.

Every time I think I’m ready to commit, I remember the time I caught Laurie cheating in the home we made, in the house I bought, and chicken out. It’s easier for me to be an asshole than for me to be a boyfriend. I hear myself when we argue and I know that I’m being a complete asshole, but I’m just fucking scared and so wounded. I know I can be and do better for you, but I’ve been resorting to being a complete dickhead for so long, it’s the first thing I resort to and once I’m in the mindset, I can’t get out of it.

However, seeing you like I did today. Crying, truly believing that all I want from you is sex...what have I done to us? How was I a big enough fool to not chase after you?

Jesus, I’m such a fucking idiot.

I’m not gonna keep being this guy though. I’ll show you, and everyone else, that you’re the only one for me. You’re perfect for me and I’m decent enough for you. Things are gonna be different from here on out.

I’m gonna commit and make you the happiest woman on earth. A life without you is a life I don’t wanna live, and I hate that its taken me this long to figure it out.

“Sweetheart?” I call as soon as I unlock the apartment door. “Sweetheart, I’m finally fucking ready! I know I have a lifetime to prove...” I stop as I see the an apartment key on the kitchen counter. “No,” I whisper to myself. “She didn’t.”

I slowly make my way to the counter top, barely able to keep my balance as I hunch over the counter.

This isn’t happening. I didn’t fuck up this bad.

‘My dearest Andy,

I love you. I love you more than I love life itself. You’re the center of my universe and the reason I smile. The first thought I have in the morning and the last thought I have at night. Basically, you’re everything to me...but, I’m not everything to you. I don’t doubt that you tried, because I could see you making the effort, but in the end...it’s just not enough. I can’t keep waiting for you, Andy. I saw the picture of us on your desk and I know...I know just how much I mean to you. I know I don’t love you more than you love me, but you still said it. The words still ring as clear as day in my head. I can’t keep being the person you attack when you’re scared. I didn’t do this to you. I didn’t do this to us, and if I’m honest, I just don’t have the strength and patience anymore. I know a lot of this is on me, because I kept making excuses for you, kept coming back, and kept pretending things didn’t hurt as much as they did. You told me that I need to communicate with you and I didn’t. Anyway, I’m just dragging this out I guess...I paid the bill for this month and next month...I gotta go, baby. I can’t keep doing this with you...I just can’t. I keep saying that, but it’s true. If only you fucking knew. Please take care of yourself, I love you so much. I’m gonna miss the hell out of you and Jacob. I did take a few of your sweaters, but you probably won’t notice or miss them. Treat the next woman better, okay? Treat her the way you wanted to treat me. I truly believe we’re soulmates, we just found each other at the wrong time. Ain’t life a bitch?

All my love in this life and the next,

Y/N’

I can’t stop reading the note as I slowly sink down to the ground. You’re gone? No, you can’t be. This is just a fucking warning to get me to act right. One that I deserve. However, the fact that all traces of you are gone, has reality hitting me too hard.

You’re gone. Really fucking gone.

What the fuck have I done?

Andy’s been calling and texting you non-stop for the last 2 weeks, and its taken all the strength you have in you to not respond. You’ve never felt more alone in your life. Thank God for Allison, because she’s been letting you stay at her place, rent free, since you left the apartment Andy got for you as you try and figure it all out. It helps that she finally dumped Tyler, so now there’s more space for you two to just sit and wallow.

Lindsey comes over almost daily to check on the both you, giving Allison rides to work when she’s too out of it to drive, and while it is a godsend, you just wanna be left alone.

You’ve applied to a few restaurants, but your heart isn’t in anything. You just want to sulk for a bit and lick your wounds. There isn’t a day that goes by that you’re not thinking about Andy and how he’s doing. You wonder if he’s eating regularly, drinking enough water, keeping up with his exercises, sleeping enough (he’s a terrible sleeper when his anxiety is high), and if he’s getting his work done to the best of his ability.

Both Allison and Lindsey assure you that he hasn’t been at the club, but you don’t want to think about that. You don’t even let yourself think about the possibility of him being with someone else. Your main focus as of late has been to just get out of bed and at least eat once again.

“You have to get out of the house, babe,” Allison sighs as she gets in beside you.

“I just the ground to swallow me whole.”

“It’s not always gonna feel like this.”

“I love him so much and I know-”

“You deserve better, babe.”

“I don’t want better, I just want Andy.”

“Hun...oh, who the fuck is that?” Allison mutters before getting up to see who’s at the front door. “What are you doing here?” she snaps and you can’t tell whose her so mad so fast. “How did you even get my address?...I’m gonna kill Sam!”

Andy.

“It doesn’t matter that you want to see her, because she doesn’t wanna see you...I don’t care what you think! You need to leave!”

As her anger rises, and you assume Andy refuses to leave, you sigh in defeat before forcing yourself out of bed. You slide your feet into your favorite black fuzzy slippers before pulling one of Andy’s old college sweatshirts on.

Your new constant outfit.

“I’ll handle it, Allison,” you mumble, standing behind her.

“Y/N, you don’t owe him-”

“I need to do this. I can’t keep moping around your house and I need to set things straight. Hiding in your house clearly isn’t getting me anywhere.”

“Are you sure?”

“Can’t feel any worse than I do now,” you shrug, fiddling with your fingers.

Allison sighs in defeat and takes a step back. “I’ll be in the living room if you need me.”

You keep your gaze on your feet as you make your way out onto the porch and close the door slightly behind you. You don’t even wanna think about how much of a mess you look right now. Your hair is in a messy bun, your eyes look like they’ve gone grocery shopping with all the bags underneath them, and you can’t remember the last time you weren’t crying.

“Sweetheart-”

“Don’t Andy. Just don’t,” you sniffle.

There’s no way you’re gonna last long without crying.

“Please don’t make this any harder than it already is for us.”

“I’m ready now, Sweetheart. For real this time, I’m ready for any and every thing with you! I didn’t mean any of what I said that night-”

“Andy stop!” you start to cry. “You always say you don’t mean the cruel things you say, but you continue to say them! There’s no excuse for the way you’ve treated me and I’ve done nothing to deserve them! Jesus, you’re entire my world and this ids destroying me! I tried so many times to show you just how much I love you, that I would never hurt you, that I would never do what she did! I stayed when everyone else told me to leave you! I defended you when everyone called you a flaming pile of shit! I did all of this in hopes of finally getting to be with you, but what did I get instead? Lonely nights and a broken heart! You know what makes this worse? Half the shit I wanna be mad at you for, I can’t! You never lied to me about how you were feeling, you always said you didn’t know if you’d ever be ready for a relationship, and you told me time and time again that fear wins every single fucking time. But I was hopeful...so fucking hopeful,” you sob, wiping your eyes.

“I’m ready now,” he cries. “Losing you...I’m ready, Y/N. We can take this at whatever pace you want, but please just-”

“It’s just too little too late,” you sniffle, mustering up all the courage you have to finally look up and meet his mournful gaze. God, this is tearing you apart. “Please don’t call me anymore. Don’t call me. Don’t try and see me...I need to...we need to let one another go.”

“You don’t-”

“Yes I do, Andy. I mean it no matter how much it pains me. We can’t keep doing this toxic little dance. The highs are amazing, but lows are hell and I just don’t have the strength for it anymore. I don’t want to keep trying to be perfect for you, just so you can make me feel like I’m some shameful secret.

“I’m the one who isn’t perfect for you.”

“You were everything I wanted and more. It just took too long for you to see it,” you sob, using the sleeve of his sweatshirt to wipe your eyes,

“Y/N,” Andy begs, taking hold of your wrist softly “if you could just please-”

“I love you, Andy. I love you more than you’ll ever know. Please take care of yourself.”

“Please don’t do this.”

“I’ve gotta go, baby. I’ve gotta move on and so do you,” you smile weakly. You pull him close and kiss him softly on the lips. “I’m gonna miss you,” is all you say before turning and stepping into the house then instantly closing the door behind you.

You can’t hear anything Allison is saying as she rushes to your side and wraps you in a tight hug. All you can hear and feel is your heart shattering into a million tiny pieces all over again. You want nothing more than to open the door and tell Andy you don’t mean it. You wanna tell him that you’ll take him back and be with him like you’ve been longing for.

You just want Andy.

As you cry into Allison’s shoulder, you keep telling yourself mentally that you made the right choice. That it’ll stop hurting after a while and you’ll love again. However, with the pain that you’re feeling, you can’t believe any of what you’re thinking. What if you only ever get one real love in this life?

What if you just closed the door on yours?

taglist: @whxre4cevans, @fuckingbye, @maroonsunrise83, @whiskeytangofoxtrot555, @autumnrose40, @emerald-evans

#Defending Jacob #defending jacob fanfiction #defending jacob fanfic #defending jacob smut #defending jacob one shot #andy barber #andy barber fic #andy barber x you #andy barber x y/n #andy barber x reader #Andy Barber smut #fan fiction #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fic #fan fic smut #I know I'm forgetting something

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idyllic-affections · 4 months

Note

WAH I LOVE MAMA XIAOYUN IDEAS, that is soooo cute! And i would pay for you to actually make it a series just like the Kaveh Dad AU

So here’s some scenarios i had thought of when reading 🐉 and 🐌 anons take on it. Ok so first of all, i hc that [name] would inherit Xianyun’s hobby of tinkering and making devices, like they may not be a half adepti nor have homicidal urges like their sisters but the kid is a curious gremlin who would be the type to break apart a toy because their curious on how it works. Just imagine Xiaoyun and [name] bonding together by making their first machine together, [name] would give little toys to their sisters like maybe a small toy Qilin or crane?

Also I LOVE the idea of [name] and Yaoyao having a friendship like Cloud Retainer and Madame Ping, like there’s [name] who would go head first to do something reckless or chaotic and then there’s Yaoyao being the voice of reason then there’s Xiangling encouraging [name] behavior for the sake of good ingredients so now Yaoyao have to look after two chaotic people. Also like with Ganyu and Shenhe, [name] would also give Yaoyao some toys that they made themself and they would play with the toys together. WAIT WHAT IF XIAOYUN ALSO MADE [NAME] A PLUSH THAT IS LIKE YUEGUI TO PROTECT THEM, omg that would be sooo adorable! Maybe Yaoyao and [name] would have a tea party with both of their stuff animals as the others guests?? Idk but the idea of Xiaoyun making them a stuff animal that has the same function like Yuegui is soo cute, idk what kind of animal would it be thought.. maybe a crane..? Or maybe a chicken? Because baby cranes are called chicks..? (Im just pulling straws here also i just like the idea of [name] having Sushang’s chicken from HSR)

Would Shenhe introduce [name] to Chongyun? Like how Xiaoyun is pushing [name] to be friends with Yaoyao, Shenhe is doing the same but with Chongyun. Chongyun being confused with situation but nevertheless still get along with the kid his auntie introduced. And then he introduce them to Xingqiu and a chaotic duo was born.. I’ll let you think of the shenanigans the both of them have done :)

And about Moral Injury, personally i dont really want that much other than [name] bonding with Collei and their interactions with Scaramouche back when he was being experimented by Dottore BUT I do like the idea that maybe in an arc where they’re on the run, they come across Diluc when he left Mondstadt. Idk how it would go but maybe Diluc was injured from doing whatever mission he did regarding the fatui then [name] came across him and healed him up before quickly leaving him alone once they saw his delusion. Like when healing him, they saw his delusion and qucikly try to finish healing him because curse their bleeding heart! If he has a delusion, then that means either he’s a fatui agent or has some connection to the fatui. They instantly book it to the next nation and changed their identity. Diluc sometimes thinks about the kind stranger who helped him, although not because of how they help him, its because of their subtle reaction towards his delusion and how they became a ghost when he tried to find any information about them.

So yeah that’s all. Im honestly kinda scared rn because in a day or two, im going to go back to school which i am not ready for but here’s to hoping that we wont get any tests next week! Hope you have a good day/night though!

- 🐱Anon

i am trying SOOOO hard to not start writing this series yet...... she isn't even playable yet...... Please

YEAH NO EXACTLY!!!!!! i like to think that in the first few days of them living with xianyun, she builds them toys that do cool and fun things.... the mechanics are simple to her, but they should entertain a child well enough, no..? well, later, she walks in to the room she's given them find that [name] has meticulously and carefully pulled the toys apart to peer at the internal mechanics. and they apologize profusely when they realize she's there because they weren't trying to destroy the toys, they just... wanted to know how they worked. and xianyun just hums, settling on the floor next to them (which is perhaps something quite uncommon for someone like herself), picks them up, sets them in her lap, and goes on to explain it to them and teach them how to put it back together <3 bonding activity <3

eventually it becomes a hobby of [name]'s, and xianyun invites them to help with the things she's working on too. mama xianyun often pursues little projects for her child (though i like to think she doesn't immediately realize that this is another child of hers, like her older daughters. maybe ping points it out to her and she thinks about it for a second, but then nods and agrees. she's not embarrassed. she has two older daughters! so.... it wouldn't be the first time). and [name] would totally make cute little trinkets for their big sisters!!!!!

YEAH HAHA CHAOTIC [NAME] REAL AND TRUE. MEANWHILE YAOYAO IS ABOUT TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK AT THE AGE OF, IDK, 7????? BECAUSE OF THE THINGS HER FRIEND KEEPS DOING...... but [name] would definitely make a cute toy for her as an apology!! OH AND I WHOLEHEARTEDLY BELIEVE XIANYUN WOULD DO THAT...... maybe it would be a little crane that almost, vaguely seems to resemble... herself, but in her adeptus form? huh, how odd. must be a coincidence (it is not, in fact, a coincidence. xianyun does this on purpose). but i also think [name] having a little chicken would be so cute <3333 mama crane and her little chick...... Sighhhhhh

YES SHE SO WOULD i think shenhe would teach them exorcism, to a certain extent. mostly so that they can effectively protect themselves against things... beyond the living world. so she would most certainly introduce them to chongyun! and i think they would honestly cause problems for him at first. slipping jueyun chilis into his food (like xingqiu...... teehee) and stuff, but then apologizing kindly and offering him a popsicle afterwards. they do know where to stop. he would introduce them to xingqiu and it would be OVERRRRR for him HELP

moving onto moral injury... OH MAN [name] and diluc do have an important (angstful) interaction later on, but adding this in prior to it would give that interaction a lot more depth. thank you for the suggestion, lovely!!!!! i will definitely be adding this in. also, some variation of "curse [their] bleeding heart" would be a good chapter title. thank you for reminding me of that phrase!!! i forgot it existed tbh

#aphelion replies: 🐱 anon 🌸

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writingmochi · 11 months

Note

Tag your moots with what song do they remind you of?

lissie: oh god... this is gonna be filled with so many people and assigning this will be hard (especially with my currently experimental prog music taste lmao) i’ll try my freaking best!

@kookthief : my time by jungkook (bts). your kook-themed username reminds me of it and i wanted to pick euphoria at first, but i like my rnb songs and i want to promote my time more too hehe. and it's a song about kook growing up and i just had this older-sister-feel from you tbh

@ujunxverse : an alternative-lover queen! ngl the song that reminds me of you is hyper-ballad by björk. it reminds me of you because of how unpredictable you are (in a good way of course), kinda like when i listened to this song for the first time. it goes slow then fast kinda like how you write your story tbh which in return, making it so immersive

@euphor1a : is it weird that you remind me of into the i-land? specifically, the one where enhypen and &team perform together. it has a sense of melancholia in it but is also hopeful at the same time...

@heartandfangs : sober by hyoyeon (snsd)! i first think that i get reminded of you by enhypen songs but you are more than enhypen and i owe you to me and other ppl. i just think of your blog's aesthetic with this song. idk if you like dance/bass type of genre or not, but it just kind of *click* you know

@jeongwins : because of your innie pfp, blueprint by stray kids! it's one of my fav skz songs of all time because of how feel it sounds. thinking of you reminded me of your review on crossroads which is so wholesome and i think this song encapsulates the wholesome-ness too...

@s-ngh8n-main : stereotype by stayc and yes it is because of your sieun and yoon pfps. but, ig it is also from the sound of it that reminds of you and kinda matches your lemon-y vibes <3 hope you have a good time offline!

@boba-beom : thinking of you reminds me of troubled pixies so much and the every breath you take-inspired fic of tyun. so ig throwback songs are what i'm reminded of you of, specifically cloudbusting by kate bush. it sounds dreamy af and tbh... if you can make a beomgyu fic out of this song, i will be forever grateful

@dim-sun : you seem so bright from just a few posts and i think thank you by asahi + haruto (treasure) reminds me so much of you! i had fun watching this live and i hope the optimistic feel of the songs keeps you up with whatever you are doing

@itz-yerin : since your milestone event is based on baek yerin, you really reminded me of k-r&b songs, especially imagination by dean + miso (the fact that this song is not on any streaming service is freaking illegal. i love this song so much). it has an ethereal presence about it, kinda like your blogs tbh... since you prob like my crossroads playlist too, ngl if this song is on spotify, this song will defo be in that playlist

@heart2beom : when i see you like 2000s romcom movies on your blog, 7 things by miley cyrus came into mind! it is unapologetically 2000's dcom soundtrack and probs right up your alley (esp with your f2l agenda that i'm digging.) the whole story of this song could be a fic idea itself so pls if you could make a fic from this song, i will also forever be grateful

@tyunlatte : alex you are a wholesome human being!! you remind me of time of our life by day6! it just gives such a teen adventure type of beat which i associate with you esp with your drawing board and sleepovers! i haven't read your works yet but i just have inkling that it has a somewhat feel like this song

@lovejoshua : fast pace and light a flame by seventeen! both are very jazzy and latin-sounding seventeen songs which reminds of you because of your carat-ness and just because they’re something you might like. tbh maybe it's because they have a sense of maturity to it and you are older than me lol

@junniieesbby : you seem like a very carefree person to me but also confident in the same way(?) ngl while scrolling through your blog and what you wrote on discord, i suddenly had maneater by nelly furtado in mind. my assumptions is that you pretty much ate up things lmao i'm sorry if that is too random >.<

@hanniejie : i really think that you are an embodiment of the sun from how sweet you are. it's gonna be a random choice again but i thought about pocketful of sunshine by natasha bedingfield when being reminded of you. it gives off a sense of encouragement and kind of reminds me of when you send us anon asks that is just words full of encouragement

lissie: this is actually so much fun to make. thanks anon!

#message to the moon #messenger: anonymous #games with the moon #note: this is probably a way for me to get ppl to write fics asdfghjkl

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greta-flanveet · 1 year

Text

Everything Has Changed

summary: Penny gets moved into her college dorm and starts her new adventure. As she starts to settle into her new life, she’s paired up with her classmate, Danny, for a group project.

warnings: fluff, light cursing, college freshman stuff

word Count: 2229

A/N: This is the first installment of the Taylor's Version series! Thank you so much to @way-to-go-lad for helping to edit this and make it readable! Enjoy! Follow the link below if you'd like to be on the taglist!

tagged: @idk-maddie @weightofdreams-gvf @greta-van-weed @way-to-go-lad

masterlist // taglist // series

The humid August air wafts through your window as you put the last box of trinkets on the floor below your desk. Wiping the sweat from your brow, you turn to your parents and pump a fist in the air. Classes haven’t even started yet and college is already a demanding experience. Your mom tosses her head back and laughs while your dad starts opening boxes.

“Dad, just relax a minute.” You offer.

“Oh yes, sweetheart.” He stands to meet you. “You’re right, the boxes will unpack themselves if we leave them long enough.” Your mom bites back a laugh and you roll your eyes.

“Whatever Dad.”

You drop yourself onto the stiff dorm room mattress and examine the yellow brick walls. This is home for the next five months. You take a deep breath and sit up, smiling at your parents.

“So, who’s gonna miss me the most when you get back home?” You tease.

Your parents stay silent, exchanging a glance before your dad chimes in.

“Well, I’m going to miss the silence.” You and your mom laugh as she shushes him and slaps his arm.

“What?” He shrugs, shooting you a wink.

You bend over and start unpacking your bedding, clothes, and pictures from home. The hour and a half of work seems to fly as your parents joke and reminisce with you about childhood stories and their college experiences. They give you the “No drinking, no drugs, no sex” talk while you fold your clothes. They remind you to call home and ask for anything you might need while you walk to the bookshelf. Your dad pats you on the back and tells you he’s proud of you while you put the finishing touches on your desk. It’s starting to become real.

“Penn?” Your mom says as she’s getting ready to go.

“Mom?” You say, nudging her arm.

“Just,” she looks like she’s going to cry. “Have fun, study hard, and I’ll see you at Christmas. We love you so much.” Suddenly there’s a lump in your throat.

“Did she start crying yet?” Your dad, ever the jokester, puts a tight arm around your mom, kissing her forehead. “She’s right. Don’t do anything stupid and don’t be afraid to call us. We love you, okay?”

You’re at a shortage of words as you croak out a “Love you, too.” and squeeze your parents. They say their final goodbyes and you watch them leave through your dorm window.

This morning you were nothing but a ball of excitement. Now you’re still excited, but more anxious than anything. College is a big step for anyone, but being the oldest sibling and the first kid to leave the house makes it an even bigger deal for you. You look out across the hall, waiting to see who your neighbor might be, hoping they’re not weird. You open up your class schedule about a million times before realizing you're hungry and it's time to get food. Maybe you’ll meet someone in the cafeteria.

You walk in and realize it’s empty save for two people. Quietly, you sit down and listen to your music and eat your meal alone. The walk back to your dorm is quiet as the summer air warms your skin. You slip into your building and into your newly decorated dorm room and leave the door open, hoping to see somebody, anybody else besides your reflection. After a few minutes, your ears perk up and the sound of voices and laughter. A rush of excitement and nerves rushes through you as you debate poking your head into the hallway. When you do, you don’t regret it.

“Hey, are you new here?” A blonde girl turns to you and waves.

“Yeah! I just moved in today.” You say. She smiles and walks toward your door.

“Thank god! I thought it was just us up here.” She laughs and gestures to the girl hiding behind her. “I’m Felicity, this is my roommate Celeste!”

“Hi.” Celeste waves.

“I’m Penny, nice to meet you.”

“If you want to come, we’re doing face masks in our room in like 20 minutes. Come in your jammies if you want to join!” Felicity offers.

“Yeah! I’d like that. What number are you?”

“Room 314!” She smiles, turning around with Celeste and walking back to their room.

In 20 minutes sharp, you’re down the hall. You barely have to knock once when the door opens. It’s Celeste, her face covered in blue goop. She gestures to her drying mask and silently waves you in. When she shuts the door behind you, you’re welcomed by Felicity, who’s wearing a sheet mask.

“Penny! Come in. I don’t know what sorts of masks you like but there’s a ton of choices.” She says, gesturing to the wide selection of bottles and foil on the ground.

“Holy shit.” You breathe, giggling slightly. “You guys are prepared for the apocalypse!”

The music pairs perfectly with Celeste’s laughter as she struggles to keep her face still. You land on an eucalyptus sheet mask, supposedly for rejuvenation, and join the other two girls on the floor.

“So, Penny,” Celeste mumbles. “What brings you here?”

Both girls eagerly await your response as you take a large sip of water.

“The English program here is amazing. I’d love to be a writer of some sort one day.”

“Wow.” They say in unison.

“My mother used to write,” Felicity starts. “I’ve never been good at it, but she loves it. She swears it helped her through a lot when she was younger. I’d love to see what she’s hiding one day.”

“That’s really cool!” You say. “What are you guys studying?”

“Um.” They both start at the same time.

“Biology. Hopefully that’ll land me somewhere medical-ish one day.” Says Felicity.

“Art. Why not?” Celeste shrugs.

“Aw, man.” You sigh. “I guess we won’t have too many classes together then?”

“Oh. Probably not.” Felicity furrows her brows and pauses the music. “But, on a different note, do you guys want to help me swipe on Tinder?” She wiggles her eyebrows mischievously.

“Definitely.” You turn to see Celeste giving an enthusiastic thumbs up.

The next hour and a half is spent talking, swiping through the app, comparing class schedules, and planning first day outfits. You feel your nerves melt away like the mask residue on your cheeks. Making friends should always be this easy, you decide. The three of you talk about boys, your hometowns, favorite movies, favorite books and more as the time rolls by. Suddenly, it’s midnight.

“Oh shit.” you curse. “I have to go guys.” Celeste quirks a brow.

“Why?” She asks.

“I have a meeting with my advisor tomorrow, I’ve got some scheduling things to sort out.” They nod in understanding. “But, what if we grab lunch tomorrow? We can debrief on your Tinder dates, Felicity.” The three of you exchange a look and giggle.

“Deal.”

🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼

The next few weeks fly by quicker than you thought. You get lunch with Celeste and Felicity almost every day and work on homework together after classes. You call home to your parents as many times as you think about it, filling them in on the important things. Your mom picked up a knitting habit in lieu of you being home and your dad is suddenly a master chef. You tell them that you don’t have any professors you don’t like. It’s a lie. Your history professor is old and unbearable, but they don’t need to know that.

Your daily routine is the same thing all the time. You wake up and get to your morning classes, eat, maybe squeeze in a nap, and work. While your friends and lessons brighten your day, you’re starting to get bored. This is certainly not the college experience you saw in films growing up. You refuse to party despite the invitations and you don’t have time for any clubs this semester. Your socialization consists of your classes, your parents, and your two friends. No boys, no parties, and no clubs.

Week 5 of English 101 comes as an answer to your prayers. You walk across campus to class and take your spot. As you begin pulling out materials for the period, you watch as everybody else files in. It usually seems like you’re the most enthusiastic person in the room, but especially today. The other kids migrate in like zombies and if it hadn’t been for your dose of coffee and love of writing, you might have done the same. The chatter of the room fills your ears as you watch the clock, waiting for your professor. When he walks in, the room fills with quiet and half-assed attention. The change in misery makes you wonder if you're attending a funeral instead of a lecture.

“Alright, this week is your partnered report project. Here is a rubric.” He says, handing out papers to each row on seats. “As you can see, I will pick your partners for you. The prompt will be assigned to you as well and at random. The easiest way to go about this project is to decide with your partner who will research and who will type. Trust me, I’ve seen things blow up without that guidance.”

The class laughs a little at the thought and murmurs about who they might be paired with and what their topic might be. After a moment of discussion, your professor begins to dole out partners. He reads through the list of names and as he calls out to people you watch your peers sit beside their assigned partner. About halfway through, your ears perk up at the sound of your name.

“Penelope and Daniel are my next pair. Get working.” You scan the room for who he might be, but he’s already walking towards you.

He’s tall, with a yellow t-shirt and black jeans. His hair is curly and beautiful, you almost want to reach out and see if it’s as soft as it looks. He’s built like an athlete, but maybe he’s just fit. His nose is gorgeous, too. It’s unique with a hooked end. How have you not seen him before?

When he clears his throat, you feel silly for staring. Scooting in your chair, you make room for him to get into the open seat next to you. He’s even prettier at eye level.

“Hi, I’m Danny!” He extends his hand to you for a shake.

“Penny.” You respond. “We didn’t get our prompt yet, did we?”

Danny shakes his head. “No. If I’m honest, this guy seems like he's a couple beakers short of a lab set.” You laugh at the comment and Danny smiles.

“I think he’s just old.” You offer, trying to be nice.

“Whatever you say.” He shoots back. “So, what’s your year and major?”

“Freshman and English, actually. What about you?”

“Sophomore and Education. I’ve gotta follow in the old man’s footsteps somehow, right?” He breathes a laugh.

“Oh! Does he teach?” You ask, tilting your head.

“He does. He’s damn good at it too. I always had a built-in tutor at home.”

“Wow, that’s really special, Danny. I bet he’s happy to know that you’re keeping up the legacy.” Danny smiles and you wonder if he’s blushing for a split second.

“I hope so. I really want to golf, though. That’s where my heart is.”

“My dad loves golf, but I’ve never understood it. I can keep up with everything else except golf.” You laugh.

“Oh, well, the scoring is in reverse sort of, that’s the easiest way to think about it.”

Just like that, Danny opens up to you. He tells you all about the rules and clubs and terminology. He tells you about why he loves golfing so much and why he’d do it for the rest of his life if he could. He rambles on for a few minutes and you try hanging onto every word. Your eyes flicker between his bright eyes and his smile and you find yourself getting lost in his passion for the sport. You notice how he uses his hands to speak and fixes his hair and scrunches his eyebrows and-

“Alright, now that you’ve divided your duties, here are your prompts. They will all be based on The Great Gatsby, as that’s the only thing we’ve completed so far.”

Just like that, it’s back to business. When the class is dismissed and after you and Danny have had time to discuss, he turns to you.

“Can I have your number?” He asks. Your heart skips a beat.

“Sure!” You respond, maybe a little too enthusiastically.

“Great! I’m free tomorrow if you want to work on the project?” He offers.

“Perfect!” You smile. That damned project. “Text me the details, I’ll let you plan since you’ve been here longer.”

“Cool.” He stands up, smiling down at you. “It was really great to meet you.” He says, meeting your eyes.

“You too! Maybe I’ll see you around later.” You say.

You slip your backpack over your shoulders and push your chair in. When you walk out, Danny follows you to the end of the hallway and rounds a different corner, but not before calling out to you.

“See you later, Penny!”

“Bye Danny!”

Maybe this year wasn’t going to be so boring after all, you think, walking back to your dorm.

#danny gvf #danny wagner #danny gvf fic #danny wagner fic #danny gvf fluff #danny wagner fluff #danny gvf series #danny wagner series #danny taylors version #taylors version series #gvf #greta van fleet #gvf fic #greta van fleet fic #gvf fluff #greta van fleet fluff #gvf series #greta van fleet series #greta-flanveet

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stay-midnight · 2 years

Text

Memorabilia *

Yang Jeongin x Male Reader

Sypnosis

• Day by day, you reminisce of your lover that is gone, your mental health is deteriorating slowly — but the love for him is too much to the point that you feel like that life couldn't continue anymore. It hurts but it's reality, when will you be able to accept it?

• 8.3K Words

TW • Mixture of Angst and Fluff (More on the Angsty Side), Explicit Smut, Sorrowful Romance, Homophobia, Abusive Family, Unhappy Ending, Mentions of Hierarchy.

Warnings and Tags • Alternate Universe - Non-Idol AU, Top Jeongin and Bottom Male Reader (Implied Switches), No Dom/Sub or Power Dynamics really just love making, Soft Smut, Fingering, "Prince" Petname, Anal Penetration, Mutual Masturbation, Foreplay, First Times , Virginity Loss, Fluffy Sex, Both of them are a tease, Implied Sex, Fingering, Balls Stimulation, Unprotected Sex (wrap your willy before you do the silly), Moans and Whimpers, No Cleaning Afterwards (Lazy Duo), Kissing. (lmk if you found more that needed to be added)

A/N • I actually don't know how to feel in this writing. Like, I don't know — I liked the idea but I just have this feeling I executed the plot not so good 😭 anyways I atleast hope y'all enjoy the soft smut 🥳. Also this is now my longest fic, again 😭. This is the long fic after writing Bloody Birthday so I haven't written in a long while 😭, Idk, I just like writing plotted fic rather than PWP but it's fun to right pwp too!

History, an event that happened in the past recorded in some way or another. Memorabilia, an item containing some sort of historical significance or memory. Collection, a set of different objects that shares a unique trait to each other. Hope, a desire for a certain event to happen.

–

It has been 5 years and counting since you last saw Jeongin, the little flame of hope within your heart is slowly burning out as time passes by without him by your side. As the sands fall from the hourglass, you seem to fully abandon the thought of reuniting with your lover and at the same time you blame yourself for what got him taken away in the first place. The war has not yet died down therefore the citizens of this country have been suffering still, had you instead taken Jeongin’s stead — you would have not been suffering this terrible heartache from the separation, and maybe Jeongin could live a life without you, it hurts but at least he could move on.

The thing that keeps you going is the objects you cling too, objects containing specific important memories of your lover. Every day, you can't help but reminisce and swallow yourself within your mind and memory. Endlessly staring at a wall — laughing, smiling, snapping, and giggling to yourself and after realizing it was just a flashback, you go back to weeping for him, his touch, his voice and everything about Jeongin...

Staring at the different objects within the vicinity gives a sense of nostalgia that creates once more but a daydream that would fade later. It gives a longing sense of expiring comfort, like a fruit bearing on a tree destined to fall at some point in time.

As each object slowly became visible on your teary eyes, each triggered a flash in the past . .

A painting of red hearts intertwined with a string.

“Jeong..” you mumbled softly into the night air, his hand tightening around you as he showed you his painting from a tree while you looked out at him through your window. Jeongin had a frantic look on his face, but his ears were flaring red. He can be so cute sometimes, even though he also scares the kids off the swing sometimes.

“Y/N.. Please be mine!” he says with his whole breath as he stands on a tree branch while you stare at him in shock, you put your finger to your lips, shushing him a bit as to not wake your sleeping family. He flinched and covered his mouth while you laughed silently.

“I’ll be yours then, idiot.” you teased, loving the way Jeongin flustered at your words. If you could reach and kiss him right now under the blanket of the shimmering stars, you would... If only you could but the distance was quite far from your window.

“I’ll give this to you tomorrow~” he lulls, his smile in those foxy eyes of his, so endearing — as if that one expression could be enough to brighten up a whole building. He jumps off the tree branch, landing on his feet perfectly as dust scattered around his shoes, he waves goodbye to you, looking back one last time with that same endearing smile.

You wave back as he walks away of course, chin resting on your hand as you do so, perfectly mesmerized by that man earlier.

You knew the risks of being with another man, but you loved him therefore you were willing to fight even your own family just to be with him.

Whispers of wind blew you a cold shoulder as a sigh fell from your lips when Jeongin was no longer within your sight.

You worry a lot about the future — your so-called family only uses you by dragging you into different blind dates with rich girls who are the daughters of businessmen, landlords and as such — the higher district feeds off the gold and because of that, your family only cares about one thing; Money and Status

The fact they'll basically sell you to rich families says a lot of how they care about you. Your family is nothing but a tainted ink in a canvas called society. You would cry at that fact but emotions are a gaunt thing.

You closed the window and the clock ticked again at your horrible life and tomorrow is but a new day wherein you have to stand your ground against your family's wretchedness.

A torned red plaid buttoned polo.

“You disgust me.” your father said, grabbing you by the hair while your sister and mother sat back and watched, while you were already bleeding from your lips — struggling in pain as you fought your father’s grasp on your wrist.

“You were FUCKING meant to take after ME. YOU were supposed to give us, YOUR FAMILY, the best goddamn life! You were SUPPOSED to give me a heir and here, I spot you locking lips with another MAN?!” he spat, his fist connecting with your cheek painfully and repeatedly, his heartless words ringing in your ear with each hit while you stood there limp and boneless.

Your mother and sister still looked in silence while you struggled to breath with each passing breath. All on your mind was him. Jeongin. His happy smile when you went on that date, when he kissed you goodbye after it, and all his sweet murmurs as you both ate cotton candy while walking around the local carnival.

“S-Stop. . .” you sobbed repeatedly but to no avail, your vision is starting to go white and the pain seems dull but rather your mental fortitude is weakening more and more.

Time passes by in awhile, your disgruntled and disgusting son of a bitch of a father walked away, muttering these last words, “If I see you with him again, you're not the only one who's receiving a beating and I won't be that kind as this time.” he threatened, a sour look on his face while your mother and sister followed, but not before looking at you with eyes that are judging you.

You had to try to drag yourself up to your room, dry tears on your cheeks, a scratchy groan went out as you took each step up the stairs. A feeling of discontent formed at yourself — especially why you didn't fight back and feeling of remorse at the pit of your stomach, at Jeongin. . .

Though you couldn't hate yourself for loving him because it's the truth that you love him with your whole heart but were the consequences worth it? Was a question that you had to ask yourself.

Finally unlocking your door, you begrudgingly trudge over to your bed, plopping down on it, body still aching. You grabbed a pillow and hugged it, eyes slowly closing while a million thoughts ran over your head.

As they say, if you put a large round rock on a slanted hill, the boulder will come rolling down eventually, what you didn't know is that the metaphor is clearly describing your life right now. It will keep rolling and rolling till it reaches the bottom. . .

Unless there's a wall that stops it at some point in the cliff.

Tap. . Tap. .

A soft tapping sound echoed in your room coming from your window. You are still stuck in your thoughts but the tapping only gets louder.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

You continue to hug the pillow before it got really loud.

TAP! TAP!

You were finally snapped out of your thoughts, sighing once, twice before skittering to move to your window and open it.

Jeongin was met eye to eye with your bruised face and tear marks on your cheeks. He stared at you with shock. He drops the stick he was holding and almost loses balance on the tree branch.

“Y— Y/N?!” he panics loudly trying to decide if he wanted to jump inside your window or swing inside by tying the red polo he was wearing unto a branch. .

He started to unbutton his polo before you stopped him and also reminded him to keep quiet by placing your fingers between your lips. “Stay there...” you murmur — your other hand flailing as if you were shooing him away , a heavy breath afterwards — your calm facade barely staying on as it started to form cracks and gaps as you felt an oncoming waterfall on your pupils.

“Please. . . Leave..” you whispered, a tone so silent it sounds as if the howl of the wind was louder. The moon stood bright on top of the sky as Jeongin looks at you, biting his lips in worry.

“No, No, No. I won't leave you like this Y/N.” he says with full confidence, and with a deep breath and in a short timeframe he jumps into your room, swinging in by tying his polo shirt on a higher branch. His weight caused the weak branch to snap but it had the right momentum to be able to reach you inside.

“Wha—” he cuts you off by crashing on you, his muscular body huddling yo

THUD!

He stands up quickly and apologizes, a red hue filling his cheeks and ears as he realized that he was only wearing a sleeveless white undershirt. “Sorr—”

“Nevermind that. LEAVE!” you said, worriness visible in your eyes as you heard footsteps rushing up the stairs. You quickly ran towards your door in a panic — locking it immediately as you sighed, a tear slipping down your cheeks. Jeongin’s fox eyes showed confusion and his patience was running thin. Jeongin felt like his anger was building up.

What could’ve caused you to act this way, he has never seen this weaker side of you.

“Y/N. . . I can't leave you like this, you know that, right..?” he tried to assure quietly — walking over to you. His eyes locking into your own watery ones, his hand massaging your cheeks — he was too worried for your safety and well-being.

Your hand rested on top of his, “I don't want you to get hurt because of us as well. . ..” you mumble in a mellow tone while someone starts to finally bang at your door as the knob gets turned.

“OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW BEFORE I BREAK THIS DOWN.” Your dad shouted, repeatedly banging his fist on the door in flourishing anger.

You flinched, pushing Jeongin away from you, fear crawling through your skin as chills ran down your spine. “Go! Before he breaks through, I’ll just tell him that something fell.. I really didn't want this to be our last goodbye.. I hope I see you again, Jeong...” You whispered in a hoarse voice, another tear falling from your eyes as you wiped it away.

Jeongin was stunned into silence. This can't be your final goodbye to him. . . Right?!

You look between the door and Jeongin before you grabbed Jeongin’s face and locked both of your lips together. One final time, at least I’ll remember this kiss for the rest of my life.

You molded your lips together with your eyes closed, pouring all your feelings for him into this one single kiss. Jeongin was still in shock at the amount of this happening but he does know one thing — This will not be the last.

In a moment, Jeongin grabbed tightly on your waist taking advantage of this kiss and swooped you off the ground — carrying you in a bridal style as you were caught off guard at that moment since your eyes were shut tight.

“J—Jeongin?!” you screech as your legs dangle in the air as arms hold your body tight.

“I can't let this be the last, Y/N. If you hate me for this then at least you wouldn't have to hate me as you suffer from whoever that is.” he said, a breathless laugh at the end of his sentence. He smiled and climbed both of you out the window.

“What are you— AHHH—” He giggled as he jumped off the window as your mind was boggled, the moon shone so bright in the sky as the man jumped off.

An amused expression was on Jeongin’s face as he landed perfectly on the ground— like a feather falling on fresh snow. He seems to be nonchalant at the fact he jumped from a two story house, he of course, managed to snatch his now torn red polo and the branch it was tied to — to get rid of evidence.

You stared at Jeongin’s face with a shocked expression while he just smiled at you with that smile that always brightens your world up. You couldn't help but finally let out a laugh for the first time today.

“Despite having a bruised face, you're still quite pretty as always~” This time it was his turn to tease you. .

“Shut...” you trailed off, too tired to respond to his words. Your eyes were getting heavier till it blacks out.

Last thing you saw was Jeongin’s foxy eyes bore into your own. This cliché was as if the male lead just saved the princess from the witch’s tower, With a smile, your mind was only saying one thing:

Maybe the consequences were not bad enough to stop you from loving another man.

A white porcelain vase

Henceforth, you now live a simpler life. Jeongin asked you to come live with him in a smaller house which required a lot of cleaning (On paper, he sounds like he actually kidnapped you). Now it's more tidy than the spiderweb, mold and broken floor tiles-look it was when he brought you here.

It had been more than 6 months till you last saw your awful family, but it's been alright. Jeongin usually leaves the house at the morning for work on the farm and you barely do anything than sit around for hours on end till he came home — you wouldn't mind working but when you brought that topic up, Jeongin was extremely reluctant on getting you a job since he was fearful at the fact that you might get noticed by one of your family's friend and get dragged back.

Jeongin had different living conditions than you, he worked all his life at the farm place while you were living in the upper district, where it had more of a lavish lifestyle type of people. It wasn't hard and more less of a hassle than your father bringing you to every single daughter of any wealthy family.

You sighed, getting a bit too caught up in your memories, staring at an old clock — time ticking till Jeongin comes home. You really had to stop thinking about your family and just let the dust settle as it is.

Now, you were thinking deeply about the relationship with Jeongin — his kisses and loving touches feels amazing but you haven't done the deed yet. Well not that you want to rush things to the next stage but—

While you were stuck on your swirling thoughts of very not necessarily dirty but still quite the "imaginative" images in your head — the sound of the front door opening was barely audible.

Footsteps draw closer to you, till a pleasant smile shone at the sight of you.

“Y/N~” a teasing voice hummed.

“Ah!” you were blinking out of your head, the moment you realized that he just arrived.

“I’m a bit early today, Ms. Mel was the only one who gave me a task, it seems like the farm is really silent for some reason. . . Ms. Mel gave me this though!” Jeongin explained — a bit disappointed when he mentioned that only one gave him a task, though his eyes glimmered like stars as he showed you the white vase, it had daisy flowers inside of it.

Jeongin was confused about what you were doing, staring into the nothingness when he came home.

“Soooo. . . Mind telling me, why were you staring at a wall earlier?” he asks, a bit curious with a hint of worriness. His mind was a flurry from the lack of work today since he couldn't focus at all.

A bit of bitterness entered Jeongin’s mouth, when thoughts like "What if you were tired of eating bread everyday." or "What if you hated him because he worries for you too much." and many more appeared on his head.

Jeongin coughs, raising an eyebrow while waiting for your answer.

Your stomach erupted butterflies at the question, you coughed awkwardly also..

“Well, the truth is. . .” you trailed off, trying to not make it as obvious as if you were stalling for time, looking away from the man in shame.

Jeongin witnessed all of this clearly suspicious of your sudden change in behavior.

“If you killed someone, you better have not hidden it here—” he sarcastically added, a snort coming out from him. He placed down the vase somewhere in the corner, looking back at you afterwards.

“No— It’s just— You know what... Just fuck it.” you cursed the last part under your breath then a surge of confidence rushed through you, you wouldn't get out of this situation with something other than embarrassment and as people say, action speaks louder than words.

You walked over to him and grabbed the confused man’s face before crashing your lips into his own.

To say he was dazed was an understatement, he was flabbergasted. What is happening?!

He returns the kiss with little force due to his bewilderment of the sudden initiation but he wraps an arm around your waist nonetheless. You pull away after a bit, leaving Jeongin in a wide-eyed, hanging jaw expression as you disconnect your lips with his.

“Y/N. . ?” Jeongin asks as you hook your arms around his neck.

“Can we try? you know. . t-to, umm..” you stutter out, trying to find the correct words. Jeongin noticed how you were acting different from your usual talkative and teasing self until it hit him about what you wanted.

“Oh. . OH..” A sheepish grin playing on his lips as he saw how worked up you got and how you tried to look away from him.

“Well well, this is different~ Aren't you usually more confident than this?~” He divulges in your shyness before whispering in your ear and biting on it. His hand wanders down to your buttocks, squeezing it a bit as he manages to notice the tent on your shorts, pushing against his yet to be hard dick.

“Shut up, you had to make it awkward.” you scowled at your man having an ego boost before moaning faintly when he bit your earlobe, while he just snorted at you.

Jeongin always wondered if you were the more controlling one in bed because of how you act on a day to day basis. “Wait, will this be your first time, my love?” He eggs on, heart thumping when you nodded, God, Jeongin is infatuated with you, now even more so since he gets to have your first.

You lost yourself as you finally looked into Jeongin’s eyes, it was full of adoration. All those doubts long ago from loving another man were fully gone, it was as if a weight on your shoulder was finally lifted.

Jeongin hums, while his right hand is still on your ass - his left hand finally started moving as well. His hand slowly trailed to the hem of your shirt - your breathing getting more apparent and shaky as excitement crawled through your skin.

“Y/N. . .” Jeongin whispers amidst the sexual and tense atmosphere, his hand trailing upwards towards your chest like cold ice rubbing on skin. He sensually rubs his bulge against your own, a breathy groan coming out of his lips at the sensation. You writhed against Jeongin's touch and couldn't help but thrusts back against his clothed cock.

“Hm?” You hum, too out of your head to respond — your body shivering with pleasure as Jeongin’s fingertips danced around your still-covered chest, before he finally decided to tease your nipples with his fingers — sending vibration across your body that made you even more and more turned on.

“Can I?” he asks in a sultry voice as he pulls his hand out of the inside of your shirt as he grabs the hem of the clothing, implying that he wants you to see you. All of you

You nod sporadically, also wanting to feel your body heat closer to each other.

Jeongin pulled your shirt off you, the rather warm atmosphere, bathing your skin in heat.

To make it fair as well, Jeongin also removed his own and you — being unable to keep your hand to oneself, succumbed to the temptation to reach and feel his muscles.

You always manage to think how contrary to Jeongin’s more innocent face tend to be the complete opposite of what's underneath his clothing to which only should be a sight for you.

Jeongin couldn't stop but let out a small smirk as your fingers trailed up to his chest, giving his pecs a squeeze and his rosebuds a pinch — eliciting breathful groans from your lover’s lips. Jeongin caught your wrist with a condescending grin, he had to stifle a laugh when you had to look at him with a glare.

Jeongin gave your lips a quick peck, before leading you to the bedroom, feeling the warm breeze pass through your shirtless bodies as he did so — to which you had no absolute idea of what he was doing. It was as if you just wanted him to take you right then and there in the living room.

He wants to make your first time absolutely unforgettable and make sure you are treated with total care in an appropriate setting.

“Jeong.. We could've done it right there, you know like in novels. Where they get it on the living room.” You huffed and protested but Jeongin was fast to pull you into the bedroom.

“Settle down, It’ll be much more comfortable in a bed than in an old couch, okay?” he says, chuckling before grabbing you by the chin and connecting both your lips once again.

Jeongin held you by the waist as he made out with you, His and your tongues dancing with each other as he inches you closer to the bed. Once again, you wrapped your hands around his bare neck as your lips clashed against one another.

He hooks a hand on your leg, lifting it a bit — settling you down on the bed safely. Jeongin pulled away for a bit to look at your flushed out face with a light smile. “I love you.” Jeongin whispered through the thick atmosphere of arousal and need.

“I love you too. .” you responded, heat filling your cheeks as you couldn't stop smiling at that moment. Jeongin’s face looked like a bundle of joy when he heard you say it back. If this wasn't the most cliché thing that ever happened to you, you definitely wouldn't know what it is.

No words needed to be exchanged as Jeongin grabbed the waistband of your shorts and pulled it down slowly, leaving you in your underwear. Truly a feasting sight for Jeongin’s foxy eyes.

You responded by unbuttoning his pants, before pulling it down as well — he had to kick his pants off due to you struggling to move in the position where Jeongin caged your body.

Jeongim hummed at both of you, finally underwear-level bare. Jeongin reached under his bed and got a bottle of lube to which you had to look at the object a bit embarrassingly. “Was that always there?—” you asked with a flushed expression as you almost choked on spit asking.

Jeongin answered with a nod, almost laughing when you seemed more and more embarrassed.

He places the lube on the nightstand, before going down on your neck — starting to kiss it lovingly.

His hand trailed to your nipples, his thumb making circular motions on the buds — making you let out groans at the sensation. Your own dick felt like it was about to burst against the uncomfortable cover called your underwear, to which Jeongin noticed and relieved it a bit by rubbing circles around your crotch — to which you couldn't help but thrust against his sinful hand.

‘Fuck fuck fuck’ was the only thing in your mind right now and a million different curse words.

Your hand instinctively went to Jeongin’s underwear as you couldn't help but notice the outline of his cock straining against his boxers. You squeezed and jerked it off through the cloth to which Jeongin gave you a bite on the collarbone at the sudden sensation.

You had to bite your lips at that to stifle a moan — and you craned your neck to give Jeongin more access to your markable skin.

Jeongin in his underwear was the utmost prettiest thing you had ever seen, not any artwork nor any sculpture — just your man’s body on display as a feast for your eyes and Jeongin also thought of your own body the same — A gift-wrapped present that he would always want to unwrap.

As Jeongin’s mouth was busy ravishing your neck and chest, your hand slipped inside his underwear — grabbing his aching cock that was begging to come out of it's restraints. An experimental jerk made the man above you flinch and bite down on skin which resulted in you gasping in pain-pleasure. You couldn't help but also play with his balls a bit, juggling it between your fingers with a grin as Jeongin just kept on marking you down — by later, you’d probably be filled with hues of purple and dark violet.

This time, you decided to rub the sensitive head of his cock — wetting your thumb with his precum. To which he bit down on the bud of your nipple causing you to moan out loud, worried if any of the neighbors heard anything.

You wanted more, more than Jeongin’s mouth — you wanted him fully.

Your own hard dick is barely getting any attention as it was pushing against the confines of your underwear — you could feel the fabric getting wet in the middle.

“Jeongin— I just want you right now, please. .” you bemoaned with trembling lips, sweat dripped down from your forehead as you pull Jeongin’s boxers down, his cock finally springing free from it's prison.

Jeongin relaxed as beads of sweat rolled off his skin also, “Anything my prince wants, he gets~” he said in a breathful voice. You blinked repeatedly at the pet name.

‘Prince’ It feels as if a reminder of a difference in status back then but now even as you finally ran away from all of that he still held you on a pedestal as you do to him in some regard. It made your heart flutter.

Jeongin also finally removed your underwear — a sigh of relief coming out of your lips as he did so, Jeongin spread your legs a bit which entailed a rush of heat coming into your cheeks as you looked away from the man staring down at you lovingly.

“Don’t shy away now, my prince. You look pretty like this ~” he said with a grin, grabbing you by the chin softly and making you lock eyes with him. You reluctantly did so — Jeongin almost fell in awe at your expression.

Jeongin grabbed the lube, popping the cap open and applying a generous amount on his fingers. With one shaky breath from you, Jeongin leaned down to connect your lips to distract you while his one finger is pushing on the rim of your ass.

For you, the insertion felt a bit uncomfortable even with the lube but you still couldn't help but moan against Jeongin’s mouth as he slowly pushed his long finger deeper. Your hand gripping his back softly due to the newfound sensation.

Jeongin’s other hand traveled to your weeping cock, to get you relief from the upcoming stretch — he swallowed each of your whiny moans as he added another finger while playing with the tip of your dick.

You thrust against Jeongin’s hand as you push your tongue against his own as he rocked his fingers inside you — as your hand couldn't help but reach for his dripping cock.

His cock was leaking against your own, wanting but patient for its release — you reached for it causing Jeongin’s body to jerk and for him to groan against your tongue. You couldn't wait to feel this inside you.

As the make-out session is turning messy, Jeongin added another finger, a third one to stretch your hole out even further to accommodate his dick and to lessen the pain of the insertion.

You felt spit around your mouth, you couldn't even know if it was yours or him in the first place. His digits inside you were feeling more pleasurable, the sting and uncomfortableness going away.

Jeongin pulled away from you but still kept his wet digits inside, he looked at your slightly blurred out expression and your puffy and swollen lips.

“I’ll put it in now, alright?”

You nod senselessly, your hand finally leaving his cock as he applied a copious amount of lube on his shaft. So much lube to the point wherein it dripped against your own cock.

He looks at you brightly before aligning it against your rim, just settling it there but your hole had other plans as it just tried to suck it in.

“Please, please. . Jeongin, ple—”

Jeongin cut your erratic mumbling with a sudden insert, his cock going inside you as he felt you claw against his back at the tremendous stretch.

“Oh fu— What the. !!!”

You ran out of other words to say as the feeling of his cock against your walls dragged you into the point of insanity but at the same time it gave a splash of water on the burning embers of arousal.

Every ridge and vein on his cock could be felt and you couldn't help but tighten the grip of your fingers on his back, nails breaking skin as you gasped for your breath. Jeongin pants in pain at the feeling of you clawing on his back, but nonetheless persists against the lesser agony.

When Jeongin started to go deeper and deeper till he finally got balls deep inside you, Jeongin groaned in pleasure as the warmth surrounded his shaft. “You feel so good..” he trails off in awe.

Just staying still in this position inside you to get you used to being speared on his cock. Jeongin brushed off your hair on your face — just so he could get a better look at your pretty face and your expressions that made him go feral.

“As always, pretty as a flower but a tongue of thorns, am I right — my prince ~?” he jokes, still teasing you as if he was not connected to you right now.

You scoffed breathlessly at the audacity of the man,

“Jeongin, I swear you—”

Jeongin cuts off your whiny voice by pulling out so suddenly before thrusting back in. Leaving you more shocked — but at the same time that singular thrust sends electricity of pleasure circuiting your body, causing you to undoubtedly moan in ecstasy.

Jeongin had an egotistical smirk on his face even though he felt more pain on the scratches of his back. Jeongin’s fingers trailed down to your crotch, playing with your balls — not touching your dick at all to make sure you do not release so easily.

He can see that your face is relaxing more and more, as he slowly thrusts into you softly — taking note of the shallow whimpers coming out of your mouth each time his balls make contact with your ass. The sound of skin hitting skin was immensely loud due to the amount of lubricant used.

Jeongin’s patience was wearing thin as he just wanted to fuck your hole to oblivion — and to watch it gape afterwards with his seed flowing out.

His imagination is going haywire at the thought as he seems to be getting restless. As much as he wanted to make this as soft for you as possible, the instinct to flip you over to your back and just ravage your ass is driving him crazy.

Jeongin watches your face as he thrusts inside you languidly — his hand was still on your balls and with a grin, he gave it a strong squeeze causing your body to flinch and for you to release quite the erotic moan.

Jeongin loves to watch your expressions to contort into different emotions. He speeds up his pace a bit more, at this point — the wet sound of skin hitting skin was getting louder.

Your hands now fly into Jeongin’s hair also, surprising the man as you tug on it harshly.

“Are you close, prince?” he asks, his eyes staring at your hard cock bobbing up and down with each thrust into your hole.

“Y— Yes..”

Jeongin breathed out deeply as he also felt his orgasm approach — his hand that was cupping your scrotum moved up into your shaft, effortlessly jerking it as he almost snorted at the sight of your hips erratically chasing his hand.

“Ha.. cummi—”

Before you could finish your sentence, you released with a moan, to which was devoured as Jeongin instantly leaned down to smack his lips into yours as he rides you through your orgasm — Jeongin felt liquid drip down his chest as he pulled away, watching your blissed out face and your closed eyes.

He wanted to finish also, so he pulled out with a sigh — spreading your legs a bit and watching your hole twitch at the emptiness.

He curses at the sight, as he jacked off to it.

After a while he finally came on your ass with a barely audible moan, with a satisfied smile he asks you embarrassingly and shakes you awake — “So, how was it..?”

You laugh a bit at the tone of the question before you looked at his blushing face. “It was great, Innie.” you said with a smirk, snorting as his blush seems to darken.

“Maybe next time, I’ll be on top~” You whispered huskily, winking at the man before you pulled him down to your side — ignoring the semen that would now probably ooze on your sheets.

He giggled a bit, “Hmmmmm.... If you can~ I still prefer this though~” he says, teasing and squeezing your cheeks to which you groaned and slapped his hand off.

“I love you.” he says, a deep adoration on the sparkle of his eyes.

“I love you too. . . And, I probably always will” you say back, even if it's a bit cheesy for your taste.

He grabs your cheek and placed his lips unto yours — you kissed back with as much passion.

Sometimes you just can't help but wish for your relationship to be more accepted within society — you wanted to be with him, more out in the open. .

To feel belonged in this world, is the only thing you wanted for the both of you. Sadly, there are many thorns in a beautiful garden.

A music box

Sighing, you carefully set down the porcelain vase you had for atleast a year now — now that you thought about it more, wasn't that the first time Jeongin had—

You shooed the thoughts away, as you couldn't be distracted with intruding thoughts as you clean the now-dusty house. Jeongin was cooking but you could tell that it wasn't going well from the putrid smell of burning coming from the kitchen — you huffed and rolled your eyes at that. Sometimes you wonder if your boyfriend only knows how to be an errand boy for the farm, or lift heavy stuff around, or even maybe fuck you against the wall or house cus' God knows he doesn't know to tidy and cook.

You're basically acting like a househusband for him right now, not that you really minded since he let you stay here for over 2 and half years now. Surprisingly, you hid well from your parents — despite having eyes everywhere or their just dumb. You had guards patrolling around the streets for a bit but more so during the night, which was really irregular in the lower district — especially since the district had been abandoned by the committee basically just letting them fend for themselves.

To be frank, you heard some gossip around the town market when you went there yesterday (with a mask of course.) that a whistleblower was identified living here, from another country.

You were really nervous about this due to this problem arising will probably affect the peace you have currently, you hoped that nothing will go wrong at that they will catch the whistleblower immediately for the soldiers to leave the lower district alone.

Shaking that problem away, you had a current one with the food burning.

You rushed over to the kitchen, dropping the cleaning tools in the process — you pushed Jeongin away with little force and turned off the stove. “Okay then, always remind me to never let you near the kitchen.” you said, looking at Jeongin up and down with a click of your lips.

He pouts cutely to which just made you guilty from scolding him — he pulls you in by the waist and grinned. “How about you punish me for it~” he teased, his foxy eyes looking straight at you. Before his hands manage to reach the hem of your shirt, you got the man off of you with a bit more scolding and hitting.

With a loud sigh, Jeongin retreated to the living room as you got to tasting the slightly burnt omelette — still edible at least but the taste is rather not very appealing to the taste buds.

You added the burnt omelette to your plate as you served the other omelette you cooked earlier that wasn't burnt to Jeongin’s plate.

You brought the plates slowly and carefully to the living room where Jeongin was fiddling with a box. You didn't think much of it as you placed his plate in front of him and your plate to the side.

Grabbing two pairs of spoons and forks into the kitchen before rushing back to where Jeongin was.

Sitting down with a tired sigh, reaching your food with the fork as you look at Jeongin’s focused expression as he tinkers with the oddly designed box. “What is that?” you asked suddenly, breaking the silent and calming atmosphere.

“Oh this? It was given to by one of the farmers, they said that it was broken anyways so I took it home to see if I could get it working again. . Since we can't really afford a radio or anything like that, I wanted to fix this music box for you.” he answered solemnly, he smiles at you brightly before going back to do his thing — stabbing the egg you cooked for him and taking a bite out of it once in a while as he fiddled with the device.

You contemplate in your thoughts for a while before opening your lips to speak,

“Jeongin, if ever— ”

You were about to say something, but stopped yourself the moment, you realize that Jeongin right now was too happy in his own world fixing the music box — that single depressing thought that you were about to say would've broken the serene air.

“Nevermind... ”You hummed, Jeongin looking back at his device since his head shot up earlier when you called his name. The guards that were walking around posed a danger to your current self and what if just a single glance from them is enough for your father’s own henchmen to come here — that was what you wanted to say to him but halted.

You left the living room after Jeongin finally finished eating, plates and used utensils in hand — you walked over to the sink and started to wash them.

Till you heard a bell ding, judging the sound echoed inside the house — there was someone at the front door. Weird, nobody had ever ring the bell in the 2 years you've been here — this part of the lower district is usually silent and criminal-free, unlike the other sections where drugs and alcohol corrupt the street and the only work is selling your body, including your soul. You yourself took pity on those people living in much worse condition, though you've never been there yourself, you hear whispers and information especially when you buy cheap ingredients at the market.

“I’ll answer it!” Jeongin’s voice reaching your ears as you hummed at that, not bothering responding due to Jeongin’s loud footsteps rushing towards the door.

As your mind got filled with these intrusive thoughts, your hands work their magic on the plates as water flows down your skin and against the kitchenware.

On the subject of the lower district, you remember that Jeongin was a sly thief back when you were younger, not that you judged him for it — people do what they must do to survive, and he did stop stealing back then when you gave him cash back then instead. Though it was a bit funny watching him dig through your room back then when he climbed up to your room — till you catch him. “A real fox indeed...” you mumbled with a small smile.

Jeongin threaded back to the room silently with a letter given by a guard outside, his face — blank and lips were quivering slightly. He looked like he would break to tears at any moment while you were still in the kitchen humming to yourself.

He noticed some shuffling in the kitchen so he made quick work and hid the white envelope in an empty drawer.

Stepping into the room as you stretched your arms, you looked at your lover — his teary eyes immediately got wiped off by his wrist and smiled at you. You raise an eyebrow at that, so you voiced out, “Everything okay? Who was at the door?” you asked, Jeongin’s lips opened to answer, but... nothing came out.

He seemed reluctant

“Oh, it was just a guard— he was just asking questions.” Jeongin spoke out finally after a moment of silence.

He smiled while his eyes wandered to the ground, as he sat on the couch.

Slowly, he picked up the music box and worked on it once again like a machine repeating his actions. You didn't really get the gist of it yet, but he just went straight back to doing his thing.

“Uhm, are you sure that you are all right?” You ask once again, and once again — his face full of guilt lied as he lied straight through his teeth.

“Yes, definitely.. Come on! Watch me work my magic on this music box, and maybe on you too later ~” he teases at you snidely, patting the empty space next to him. You were a bit suspicious of his current behavior, he is very much a tease sometimes but you tease back too but he never does this in some serious situation like what happened earlier was quite the tense atmosphere.

You sighed, you knew in fact that he was not telling you something but you don't think you can even get it out of him. You sat next to him as he hugged you suddenly out of the blue to which you looked at him now, a bit worried.

“Jeongin, you can tell me anyt—”

Jeongin immediately cut your sentence off with a kiss on the lips, his arms finding your waist as he completely straddled you now. He was acting a bit weird now. You kiss back but with little excitement because you wanted to get to the bottom of this now.

But as soon as Jeongin kissed down the side of your neck, you soon lost your mind at the feeling of his lips dancing on your skin and just thought "There’s always a later."

You let the desire consume you and that's basically how both the evening was spent — sex on the couch.

–

Morning came, you felt you got years of your life sapped out of you from last night’s events. Jeongin was rough and was incredibly needy on the first round while soft and caring in the second, whispering sweet compliments against your ear as he slid into you slowly and repeatedly, third round was when the positions were switched as he languidly rode you and well, more rounds happened but it was a blur.

You vividly remember him clinging on to you tightly and sniffling muffled cries against your shoulder while you were in a state of being both asleep and awake.

You rub the side of your head, trying to remember — this was different, Jeongin was a sunshine and he never cries in front of you — you didn't know if it was pride or what but he just didn't like you seeing him in a weak state. In honesty, you understand that cuz in a way — you were like that before you started to show more emotions around him.

You groan as you felt both your backside and front ache, both the scratch marks and bite marks also felt like a hassle.

Jeongin was out of bed early, he usually spent the mornings with you before leaving for the farm.

You sighed, getting ready to wash yourself from the head down till you noticed a small paper on the nightstand. You thought nothing of it at the moment, thinking it was probably Jeongin’s teasing notes like "How's your back? ~" or "Once I get home, another round?" It was quite normal for him to leave these when getting an early phone call from the farm. (You can't really say those teasing notes doesn't make your heart jump)

A hum came out of your mouth as you grabbed the piece of paper carefully, eyes skimming through the words — due to you just waking up, your vision was a bit unclear but it seems that Jeongin wrote quite the long note this time, judging from the blots of ink.

"My prince... My Y/N, I feel guilty writing this beside you while you are snoring loudly but those sounds lessen the burden of my heart. Earlier, I didn't wanna freak you out so I decided to keep my mouth shut. The guard that came by earlier said that I have to participate in the war, the letter itself says that I have no right to reject it and well, I couldn't bring myself to hurt you or by you telling me not to come. You know full well that they'll barge in here and drag me out and maybe even you so.. I took it upon myself to leave and I wanted us to have quite the memorable night before it happened. I managed to fix the music box also, so you don't have to live in a bland atmosphere for a while. I'll see you when I see you my love.

- Y.J "

As your eyes read through the note, you felt your throat constrict at each word.

Wha....?

Your head finally wrapped around the main point of the note. He left...

You were hoping this was one of Jeongin’s pranks, No, you were praying to all the gods up there that this was just a prank, that when you walk out that door he would spook you with a smile. In the note, there were big round marks of splashes and in some parts, the ink ran down — he was crying when he wrote this. Your heart tightens and at this moment, it feels like the world has come crashing down on you.

Slowly, tears welled up on your eyes — the feeling of hopelessness had come back tenfold. Words couldn't even begin to describe how you felt right now. Your emotions were in shambles.

Tears started to fall now and your body unknowingly started to shake in despair.

You didn't know how you would live without the light of your world.

The clock on the wall started ticking and you stared at it religiously, time will bring him back — you thought.

–

You waited,

Hours. . .

Days. . .

Months. . .

The cold feeling of emptiness in the house was suffocating and your mental health is slowly declining, the morbid atmosphere in the house is too much for you to handle.

As each day goes by, you feel like a sick person — a lot of people will say it's too much, it's just a person or that he'll come back eventually but the shadow looming fact that he might not is too terrifying for you especially when you've relied on him almost all the time.

You felt sick to the stomach at the fact, you didn't push at asking him what was wrong that time, desire is such an accursed thing — that mistake proved that maybe you just didn't deserve him.

Walls crumbled around you to the point, you started to question yourself and your sanity.

Where are you, Jeongin, please come back soon.

Years are starting to pass by. . . .

Presently, you were breaking down again. The memories are too much; just.. just when is he coming back — please, is he coming back at all?

You gripped your shirt, time is beginning to rot you away, you had forgotten when you last smiled, when you had woken up happily and looking forward to the day, taking a bath without thinking of his touches and caresses against your skin or when you saw those golden foxy eyes or the rich grin and smile.

A sob passes through you as another day gone by with you just reminiscing of Jeongin’s items. The memorabilias he left, painfully awe memories.

Only time will tell when you will finally move on with life; for now, unjust and unmoving — you close your eyes again back to sleep till the whole cycle of memories repeat again the next morning.

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