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writingmochi · 11 days

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part 2

cast: heeseung ✗ fem.reader (ft. the peeps, enhypen, and other idols)

synopsis: when you told your long-term rival and latest hook-up, heeseung, that you are pregnant with his child; you didn't expect said topic to be involved in your rivalry!

genre: romantic comedy, slice of life, coming-of-age, slow burn, drama, rivals since childhood to [redacted], college/university au, pregnancy au, future parents au, fluff, angst, mature content (explicit smut)

word count: 36351 (36.3k) out of 60550 (60.5k)

warning(s): so many curse words!, implication of abortion, rejection, depression, mention of cigarettes, mentions of consumption of alcohol, explicit description of active labor and childbirth, blood, explicit sex, pregnant sex, pretty rough sex, unprotected sex (wrap it up tho guys), hand job (m & f receive), oral job (m & f receive), dirty talk with pet names (daddy & mama), marking, multiple orgasms, creampies (if there is something that i forgot, let me know)

message of the moon: remember that this story is fiction and do be careful and read the warnings at the top. all the idols mentioned here are not what they are in real life.

i genuinely didn't expect THAT much attention on the first part! here is the rest and yes, the word count increased by 2k words. thank you so much for the love and support on the first part and enjoy! p.s. all the links will be edited including from the character intro and the first part!

soundtrack | read part 1 first!

3. the heat of lightning is 30.000° celsius

“bro, innie. your stream is starting.” chaeryeong calls out from the couch as the setup of jeongin’s camera and lights are standing in front of her. jimin brought in the snacks and put them on the coffee table right in front of ryujin and minjeong who sitting on either side of you. beomgyu and heeseung follow suit, sitting on the other dining table seats brought to the living area while jeongin is setting up his stream on obs.

you could see—from the mini setup of his—the chat scrolling up as you watched them get familiarized with the names that had come back from when jeongin asked you and the girls to join him on his last stream. his viewers seemed to enjoy it so much that another one was scheduled the next day, which is today after lots and lots of matching up free time schedules. as jeongin sat in between minjeong and jimin, he used his wireless mouse to change the static “starting soon” screen so chat could see all of you on the screen inside the boys’ apartment. the apartment that you’ve been hanging around about for the past month.

jeongin starts with, “ey, welcome chat!”

“WELCOME! WOO!” ryujin’s fanfare sounded as you heard the laughter being thrown all around you.

“since you guys have been wanting to for us to play again together since the last stream we did, well surprise, surprise! here we are!” the others seemed to hype him up as jeongin continued to speak. minjeong playfully slaps your hand as you try to not knock your headset that is lightly placed on your belly and playing classical music—something that heeseung’s mom told you could help with the babies inside you—as none of jeongin’s viewers have noticed your pregnancy bump with the successful oversized maternity top you shopped alongside beomgyu. jeongin continues to greet the chat on today’s stream.

“we did mario kart last time but now we will do mario party. but not just any mario party, courtesy of smosh games: we’re doing reverse mario party where the last place is the winner.”

“finally, (y/n) can win-“

“SHUT THE FUCK UP HEESEUNG.” you throw the pillow behind you, right towards him as beomgyu stood up to massage your shoulder, hyping you up while heeseung playfully glares at you.

“also, this is chaereyong’s idea. but we decided to not make this stream another "boys vs girls" type, but more so a mixed group with these wooden chopsticks inside the mug here helps in picking which person is in which team.” jeongin holds onto the mug as he pushes it towards each person, picking up the chopsticks one by one. in a countdown, all of you show the chopsticks you picked together as heeseung find his one marked—the same along with you, beomgyu, and ryujin: making you four a team.

the seating arrangements change as you are seated in between the two boys. you’ve already told them that you might not get too physical as you let ryujin and beomgyu play first, playing as luigi and waluigi, respectively. heeseung can hear how you are encouraging your team to play bad as your arms wrap behind beomgyu’s back, making heeseung feel a little iffy but he is just rolling his eyes watching the two using his switch controllers that jeongin asked him to lend out for the eight-peopled stream.

for the past month, as the two groups got closer, heeseung realized how strong your influence is. maybe it’s because you are used to taking care of children—just like his friends’ childish behaviors are—but your demeanor matches well with all of them. when heeseung heard beomgyu invited you and your girls over, he was taken aback by just how easily both groups can blend in with each other. but then he is reminded of what you said on that basketball court: how you want to have a truce with him. how he is so much more ahead of you that you deviate from the sport of basketball that you still seem to enjoy.

heeseung couldn’t join much of the hangout as he was being brought into the season’s games and competing left to right. the scream of his name from the bleachers rings in his ears as he recognizes a few of his fans and decelis’ fans supporting the team as he checks his phone during the break. he remembers how he caught a notification from jeongin’s stream, pressing the banner to see you appearing on it with him as you play guess the song or some sort of game similar to it. then, he remembered one day after you both came out of the doctor park’s office for your biweekly check-up. a sudden proposition you push to him as you hold your phone with the screen showing a familiar social media.

“i’ll follow your instagram and you follow mine back.”

“why?” he questioned, arms wrapped in front of him with squinting eyes.

“that’s another baby step for us to be like what our moms want it to be. you say so yourself.” you also replied with your own wrapped arms in front of you, letting the flowy cloth be pushed towards your body as he could see the shape of it and the appearance of your revealing bump. heeseung let out a groan as he said his username.

“which is your full name?” you raised an eyebrow.

“hey, it’s for personal branding and it’s rare to have a username to be your name…”

you snicker as you hit the follow button, seeing the three-digit number on top now becoming four.

“really? i’m your 1000th follower?” you playfully grab something out of the chest pocket of heeseung’s unbuttoned shirt, placing it near your heart like a badge of rare achievement.

“i’m honored.” your face scrunches, forcing out a tear that is not showing, making you blame your current stable hormone for that not happening. heeseung looked at the notification showing up, a snort coming out of him as he leaned his head closer.

“for fucking real? you’re asking me about why my username is like that while yours is mu- mune ga-“

“mune ga hachikire-sode, ‘my chest seems like it’s going to burst’.” you answered so quickly it’s like you have talked about it before that it became an automated response, earning a pregnant pause as you tilted your head towards him while he stares towards your vicinity. a small gap in between his lips as time passes by without sound between the two of you before he closes the gap and smiles.

“must be a freaking mitski lyric.”

you snorted out a laugh, wondering why he knows you so well.

heeseung gazes at how his friends and your friends seem to thrive under your hyper-ness, even making ryujin jokingly angry because you were unintentionally supporting the other team, making you let out the pout that he doesn’t expect to witness so much from when the semester starts. and now, as it approaches the end with the new year’s coming alongside the gender reveal party coming soon and the last matches for the tournament near the end of the year. life seems to go so fast for him, yet here you are thriving in it. as if you are influenced by some kind of deity that is making people around you notice and care about your presence, frolicking around as you seem to make their lives a tad bit easier to face with your motherly care and, what he acknowledge, your emotional intelligence.

something heeseung had also grown for the past 3 months since you told him you're pregnant with his kids.

the boy realized just how quiet he was when he sensed your shoulder touching his as you leaned back against the sofa to just stare at the screen of jimin screaming how he had to get another star, making him now in first place. a soft smile on your face as you glance at your friends having fun before you feel the trembles against your thigh when you catch heeseung’s leg jittering from how he is moving his achilles’ heel in a random rhythm.

“you alright?” heeseung looks down to find your hand on top of his pant-covered thigh. you give him a thin lip frown as you let your touch soothe him down, seemingly not minding the entire history you have with him. the boy is suddenly too embarrassed to see you as you watch the redness growing on both of his cheeks. you wanted to tease him about it—maybe it’s the awkwardness cause he was not there when you started to get close to his friends—that is showing up now.

as you look at your hand against his thigh, courtesy of your muscles' memory telling you to try soothing every nervous child in your way, you retreat it back to your space before beomgyu wraps his arm around your back to pull you into his embrace while you see the stars and coins are being tallied up alongside additional stars that are given. beomgyu has both hands around your and ryujin’s shoulders as you follow with the momentum, seeing that ryujin got last place–making your team win the first round of mario party.

beomgyu handed the switch controller to his best friend as the game resets for the second round where it is you and heeseung vs. minjeong and jeongin—said girl is focusing on the chat because she is convinced that she caught sungchan’s username there. your cursor instantly picks at rosalina whilst heeseung moves his to pick bowser. peeking to the side, you recognize the competitiveness that is shown from how heeseung is glaring towards the tv screen as you try to flick that same emotion on in your mind. when you feel it tainting you, you give minjeong a sly wink from where you are sitting. that even though she’s one of your best friends, you’re not taking her lightly.

the second game was a tad bit chaotic as physical play was done when jeongin seemed to make mind games by positioning himself behind where you and heeseung sit. yet, the rivalry doesn’t just create between your team and the other team; heeseung has also started playing dirty when he grabs onto your controller to stop you from failing the task.

“ughh!” you groan out as you hear the laugh coming from jimin on the other sofa, making you answer by covering heeseung’s eyes as he couldn’t see where his bowser was supposed to fell off the platform, proclaiming him to win the match and increase the ever-loving coins he owns, making him have to buy the star if he came across it: only five more spaces to go on the board. the way you hinder him from failing and he does the same to you creates a slapstick that jeongin’s chat seems to revel in as you spot jimin reading the text that is running to the top of the monitor as fast as the light goes.

“woah!” he proclaimed as you noticed chaeryeong snickering from the rapidly moving chat. “people seemed to ship you and heeseung, (y/n).”

“no kidding.” you reacted as you stared at the way your rosalina was three spots closer to the star—no choice but to buy one as you got over 20 coins. your body forces you to stand up as you kneel to see the chat, eyes glancing between four points on the screen of jeongin’s laptop: the chat who is now arguing on who are the “correct” ships within the people here, the screen as minjeong rolls the dice for her shy guy to move, beomgyu who leans back against the sofa’s backrest, and heeseung who is leaning forward to the screen before you caught his eyes for a few milliseconds.

“come on, chat. really? me and heeseung?” you audibly scoffed, glancing at your friends that is showing on the stream a few seconds later from the latency. “what about me and beomgyu? he’s also nice to me.”

“I SURE DO, (Y/N).” he said as you could detect him grinning with two thumbs up before he rested his hands behind the sofa by your empty seat. but you could see heeseung’s very obvious scowl as he didn’t say anything. the determination to lose against you may now be influenced with an even more push—because you did say to him that you’re the one losing in your battle.

“not your mods creating a poll for who shipped (y/n) with whom and the fact that (y/n) x jeongin is pretty high too.” chaeryeong stated as you tried to hold back your laughter. with the knowledge; which you’ve just known as you started hanging out with the boys; that jeongin’s mom is an ob-gyn doctor also, he has let you talk to his mom when it’s jeongin’s turn to “babysit” you—"per heeseung’s request" he said—making you show up on jeongin’s stream more often than the other girls as you and he create a more sibling vibe where he teaches you how to game. with the help of every woman around you including jeongin’s mom, you could say that you can expect what you’ll expect for your second and third trimesters and your birth. how jeongin’s mom and doctor park’s sayings are pretty much similar in a way as they remind you that you have to give birth to your twins before week 40 so that they could fit through your hip bone since you want to do it the normal way.

you were glad beomgyu had invited you to meet up. because you felt like you’d met brand new people with whom you seemed to have a sense of familiarity. like old friends having a reunion.

“WOAH! (y/n) x heeseung is no.1!” jimin reacted as all of you heard the chime of a gift sent to jeongin followed by a text-to-speech sound.

“(y/n) and heeseung’s bickering is something i aspire to have with my significant other.” the robot voice sounds as you watch ryujin’s wide eyes getting larger, knowing your real-life relationship as she has been there the longest as of right now alongside beomgyu who is just holding a subtle sheepish smirk.

“bickering because we aren’t compatible with each other? yeah right,” you give a verbal jab as you can see the comments updating a few seconds later when your words are streamed, making people send the sus emote in the chat column but also a few “opposites attract” and “you can get to know each more” comments as you looked at heeseung. the corner of his lips rose as you gave up on reading the chat before sitting down back to your empty seat. your body was instantly ignited in surprise as you could feel how beomgyu was holding your shoulder, stretching his arm behind your shoulders as you were trying your best to use your special dice to lose. then, you sensed a shift on your thigh as you find heeseung’s moving his against yours, either to distract you… or to tell you something you haven’t realized.

heeseung was heaving as the coach took him out of the court to the sidelines to bring sungho in as his replacement. drops of sweat are forming on his exposed forearm while he watches the score of his team nearing 50 in the game's last quarter. sunoo gave him a small towel as he looked to the back to only see none of his friends on the bleachers. other than ryujin, all of them are watching the want2dance crew showcase—you and beomgyu have no information circulating even though his turn to take care of you. heeseung should’ve been ecstatic that he got the ticket for the finale that easily. sure, the rival is strong enough, but with niki now standing as a center alongside sunghoon, they’ve been able to block the shots of the other team with their long limbs and agile jumps.

yet, all he could worry about was how much he had learned for the next appointment with the doula as he was trying to beat you with the advantage you had by the women all around you—including jeongin’s mom he had hidden as a wildcard now exposed to you.

he tried to familiarize his hands with how to hold a baby with a plushy jeongin still owned in his room before he tried using the full 2-liter water bottle he had that was identical to the real weight. heeseung had read the books that the doula recommended to him—well, heard the books that doula had recommended as he worked out with the audiobook version speaking to his ears. yet, the only thing that miss haseul said that he is stuck in his mind as he looks at you who is closing your eyes whilst you stretch your back because of his babies is…

“don’t just stand there.”

heeseung doesn’t just stand there, he does things he tried to help; preparing groceries so that you don’t have to worry about that, carrying your bags around so you don’t have to walk as your stomach is getting bigger than ever from the growing fetuses. yet he knew what the phrase actually implies.

“don’t just stand there.” take care of her, be there for her, love her.

but how could heeseung love you when you’ve been such a pest in his life? sure, that night at the basketball court is a step of progress towards normalcy in your relationship, but, just like you said. baby steps are needed as you both had hurt each other so much; after he now knows of what you feel in the catalyst of why you hate each other and how you also know of his.

the coach’s board is pushed in front of him as he traces the magnetic jersey symbol with the number 3 representing his position as the small forward if he got to be put on the court once again. since jake is playing as the point guard and how he had been killing it in slipping through the rival’s defense, heeseung’s job is to find an opening so he can throw the ball to either jake or sungho who will stay nearer to the half-circle if heeseung got put in.

“or just try to shoot as many 3-pointers as you like. we have the advantage here and our goal is to make that gap wider. passing 50 would be great.” coach min said, making heeseung turn his head towards the scoreboard, seeing the 45:36 bold in the red LED lights. and with his mind not wanting to wait more for his appointment, his gaze changes as he sounds his understanding to the coach. heeseung stretched his neck when he viewed the coach walk to the side referee so he could be switched back in.

heeseung explains as best as he able to the other four of the court about the plan, making jake and sungho nod their heads and niki with taesan at the back of their side of the court showing their own styles of understanding. the ball was thrown by the rival as taesan snatched it, pivoting on his legs before giving a bounce pass towards heeseung who was running pass the center line near the 3-pointer curve. his head is going into alert mode as he maneuvers the ball so that the rival who is pinning on him won’t steal it. a few passes between him, taesan, and niki; heeseung found an opening to go inside near the basket as he surged forward like a tank, making his own opening as he passed the ball to jake who scored a layup. heeseung recognized the rival could get a free throw chance, but he doubted it would go in as jake and sungho were prepared for a rebound with the second free throw.

the score is now 49:38 as he could see the time is now under 60 seconds. heeseung took control of the ball the most while he tried his best to find an opening for either jake or sungho, but with the change of two players from the other team coming in: they seemed to know his strategy as not one of them was bamboozled by how fast the passes are between him, niki, and taesan. the others figured out they had only one chance left to do a foul. they knew they only had 15 seconds till the shot clock ran out and under 30 seconds on the time of the scoreboard. heeseung realized something, something that can be stupid but will have a better chance of a happy ending in the end.

as heeseung bounces the ball on the ground towards niki—not strong enough like the last few times—the rival successfully robbed the ball as the shot clock resets. all the boys retreated as heeseung was the first one to hold off on the guy who was holding the ball, seemingly not knowing what to do with the ball in his possession. heeseung knows that they’re doing this to play defense against decelis because they don't want the gap to get even wider.

their passes aren’t as quick as his team's when taesan successfully clutches the ball and passes it to heeseung. the clock is under 5 seconds and he heard the growing sound of people counting down from the seats. he knew he couldn’t lay up as it would be too far or even shooting in the safer throwing area even if it gave a higher chance is risky. no, heeseung flung the ball as best as he could after passing the center line. the buzzing sound signals the end of the game as heeseung stares at the ball falling in an arch so perfectly that it gets caught by the net and instantly falls through with no theatrics, making everyone roar.

“there it is, folks. lee heeseung, number 1 from decelis, makes the game as he scores a 3-pointer buzzer-beater. AND SUCCEEDED. congratulations to hybe’s decelis. you will enter the grand finale after the new year’s celebration.”

he could sense the embrace of his teammates around him. jungwon is the closest as he playfully brushes his sweaty hair, making him glare, and wants to go out of the embrace when it’s two layers of players deep. coach min comes and gives his own thumbs up before guiding him near the referee's place as he and his team are met with the rivals, who show their sportsmanship by shaking their hands. heeseung recognizes of one of the players when said player wraps his arm around his shoulders. the announcer with a small bundle full of snacks.

“and here he is. player of the match, lee heeseung of decelis!”

heeseung hears the ovations coming from the decelis side of the bleachers as he receives the bundle, knowing that he would ravish this in one go because, my god, is he starving. congratulatory talks are spoken among the players as if it’s more of a friendly match rather than in a tournament setting, yet as heeseung walks around to meet the team he had his match with, the reminder of the appointment pinned on his mind rings once again.

pulling up to the assigned locker room, he pulls off his jersey so he can wipe his sweaty body using a smaller towel that is wet with water cause he doesn’t think that he has enough time to shower when the appointment is in an hour. feeling the clean wet towel getting rid of the stickiness on his body, he eyes his teammates who are still gleaming from their win of the ticket to the grand final. yet, for heeseung, he had been numb to the feeling. of course, he had to do well with basketball because it was for his scholarship, but knowing that he had possibly secured the scholarship for his final semester, he could actually relax from it and focus on other things in life.

his desire to be a sports journalist and, now, his preparation to be a dad.

“guys, i’m not gonna join to eat after this,” he spoke out after he heard jake asking him. a regular post-match meal is a tradition with the decelis guys. but heeseung has other places to go as he uses his body spray all over his torso and tucks his head and arms into his clean t-shirt, the decelis jersey’s bottom with the #1 still in place, and a pair of recovery sandals to let his feet breathe. heeseung gave the guys his bag of cheetos from the ‘player of the match’ bundle as little cookies and chocolates are enough to satiate his needs, knowing that he could buy takeout as he returned to his apartment, or if you also wanted to grab something to eat after meeting haseul.

the engine groans as the car turns alive. heeseung pulls out of the parking lot of the arena as he drives towards the office, the radio playing his own bluetooth-connected music as he recovers himself from the euphoria of the match, returning to the reality of his other responsibilities. he hadn’t heard from you for a while—when usually you are the one to nag if he has arrived or about his whereabouts as you prepare yourself to meet him. he was glad that he could enjoy the calmness even for just a few minutes, seeing the various silhouettes of the outside world passing by when the office building shows up in his sight from his windshield.

heeseung presses the button to lock the car as he approaches the office in his post-match outfit, a tote bag hanging from his shoulders that is filled with the notes haseul, doctor park, and jeongin’s mom gave to him printed as he might ask for some elaboration about it. though most doulas focus on the mom, he is glad that haseul can also handle first-time fathers as well because, as she said, “sometimes the dad is the more anxious one out of the two.” he acknowledges this because, as he had a talk with his own dad about this, the pregnancy is out of the dad’s control most of the time. especially in giving birth, as the only thing that they could do was to observe how the birthing was going. which means that he has to trust you to do your deed.

he recalled haseul given him and you a “bonding” exercise which is filled with laughter instead as both of you couldn’t be serious enough about this. how you both had to stay in eye contact for 5 minutes to “feel your connection getting tighter”. sometimes, he had to blink or look away from your eyes cause it was piercing with unknown emotions. but he got reminded of when both of you had sex, that final part when he is just staring at you as you sit on his shaft, grinding to find out who will cum first to break the tie. the feeling was similar—an unspoken bond created between the two full of complex history and emotions he has to untangle one by one.

heeseung’s knuckles knocked on the door as he heard the movement inside. the door opened to let him see haseul in her professional clothing.

“heeseung! come in.” she steps aside as he is met with haseul and…

nobody else.

“where’s (y/n)?”

haseul turns her head to him, “i thought you knew, she didn’t say that we’re cancelling today’s appointment.”

“hmm…” heeseung replied as he grabbed his phone, seeing the instagram notifications from the people who tagged him in the match for being the ‘player of the match’. but, when he sees your account profile flashing on the top—the newly followed account as you both did a follow-for-follow—he taps the icon to see you and beomgyu in your instagram stories, how you hooked your arm with beomgyu’s as you walk down a sidewalk, how you recorded chaeryeong dancing with her crew and tag her, how he had seen a photo of you, beomgyu, minjeong, jeongin, chaeryeong, and jimin after the show, and a photo of food at the end as he sees you tag all of his friends and yours, including ryujin who seemed to be available to do a get together because of her modeling appointment.

all except him.

to say that heeseung is heartbroken by that is an understatement. sure not all of his guys are available to watch him play all the time—only jeongin showed up to his quarter-final match last time, but to realize that the change of dynamic happened because of you is making the flint in his heart move faster to ignite the fire. and to know that you didn’t even cancel the appointment, to leave haseul hanging, when you have babies to take care of as you have used your own money to pay for the appointment, while you do a get-together that can be done anytime during the rest of the 3 months of your pregnancy. the changes within the dynamic for the past two months are ridiculous and heeseung…

all he could do was sigh as he closed his phone, glancing up to glance at haseul who had a warm smile on her face.

“well, i have a few things i hope you elaborate on.” the boy said, using this appointment to help him be the better parent.

“shit!”

you had to stop yourself from walking as you perceived the contractions coming from your uterus, the same feeling when you had your period, yet it’s dimmer and longer. as the weather gets colder, you tucked your coat that is draping outside of your maternity dress and legging on. you have to thank chaeryeong once again for helping you put it on. the two of them continue to grow inside you as you walk the familiar path towards the boys’ apartment, as per heeseung request cause jeongin told him they wanted to play a game together and you, being the new addition to jeongin’s stream, seemed to be asked to join in.

you could deny it. but you can join cause you have nearly all of your class projects finished, especially the marketing research one as you use the daycare as the protagonist of your case study to figure out how to market a product to different parents. you still have two exams for the two other classes you took this semester and then, it’s all done for you. and with the warmth you receive from the boys, you want to give it back to them too.

you give a small nod to the security guard as you press the button for the elevator, seeing one of the two open as you are greeted with the empty elevator with reflective sheets of metal surrounding the side walls. as you practically waddle inside the elevator and press the correct floor button, you gaze at yourself through the mirror-like surface. turning your body to the side, you view how your coat protrudes from the front as it creates a right triangle shape. moving one side of the coat behind, you observe how your maternity clothes are stretched by your belly to show the growing lives inside of you. the growing lives you can feel are moving around, but haven’t reached out to you as you can only sense them within you. you need to blame heeseung because of the way they push up your intestines, making you very much nauseous all the time after you eat.

the ring of the elevator dings stayed as you walked and arrived at the front door of the boys’ apartment. no sound is heard from the other side—maybe jeongin is waiting for you to arrive so he can start the stream together. the sound of the doorbell is picked up as you gaze at the camera lens connected to the intercom inside before you to the door when you catch the footsteps approaching from behind the door.

appearing before you is heeseung in a white graphic t-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. he seems to have a slight pant with his breathing—like he was working out. you’ve opened your mouth as you saw, wanting to talk about something, but you forgot what as you see him rolling his eyes and a “come in” is spoken, leaving you alone by the cabinet for their shoes as you tried your best to slip out of it without the help of your hands.

the apartment is in the regular state rather than the group stream set jeongin had to do. a duffle bag of what looks like to be heeseung’s has a few pairs of basketball shoes—known for the tall shape as it guards your ankle more than regular sports shoes. the wooden floorboard is warm as you guessed he had to turn the heater on, making your way towards the hallways where heeseung and jeongin’s rooms are across from each other.

that’s when you hear a sound.

the sound of nothingness as you approached jeongin’s ajar bedroom door, seeing it empty.

“where’s jeong-?”

“we have to talk, (l/n).” heeseung cuts you off again as he turns his head to face you, his hand on his door so he can just push it open as you stare at him, agape.

“jeongin’s with his stray kids guys doing a group stream,” he added as he knows you wouldn’t stop asking if you don’t know, especially cause jeongin’s the one who invited you—which makes you finally think about how it’s so weird that he had to go through heeseung to invite you when he could just message you through the instagram dm. heeseung gave you one more gaze before going inside his room, leaving the door open as you could feel the swelling tension that was heavier than what your usual banter had been for the past few months.

walking inside, you were met with the wrinkled mattress and comforter of heeseung’s bed. the same bed that you and him copulate and in return, create the babies inside you. the last time you went into his room fully—cause you never went inside his room even though you visited often either beomgyu or jeongin’s invitations—was the night you and him fucked. you didn’t recognize the amount of basketball paraphernalia that is sticking to his walls last time as you finally view it, a poster of what looks like alternative rock bands cause you recognized the paramore, the arctic monkeys, and even the american football posters.

heeseung’s figure reaches his desk and he sits on the chair by it, caressing his face with his hands as you can see the way his facial muscles contort around his eyebrows and forehead.

“what are we talking about?” you lightly scoffed as you stood in front of heeseung, who lifted his head with a tenacious look on his face.

“where were you in the past three weeks?” you can pick up how he spoke with his teeth grinding against each other.

“why’d you care? you’ve seen me all the time. heck, i saw you last week when i came to visit beomgyu-“

“NO!” he stood up after you jumped from his sudden, unprovoked shout. taking a few steps, you are frozen on your feet as he approaches.

“you really don’t fucking care, huh?” heeseung now lets out a huge scoff as he rolls his eyes, very obviously. instead, he was met by another confused and offended look by you. "what does he mean by i don’t fucking care?” you spoke to yourself as he then reply, adding a needed context.

“the fucking appointments, (l/n)(y/n).” his nostrils are so wide that he might as well breathe fire out, making you stunned as your defenses are crumbling down when you realized what he is going to talk about.

you recall the past three weeks, jogging your mind through the endless activities you’ve done such as going out with the girls, going out with ryujin, beomgyu, and jeongin, busying yourself as your interviewing yoonah and the other coworkers for your study case, helping sungchan recover from his hangover as he stayed a night at your apartment—his frat house is overwhelmingly full so that he went back along with minjeong so they could fuck all night, helping ryujin styled for her photoshoot, helping chaeryeong bring the food to her dance crew so they could eat, meeting jimin whilst there, remembering the dance crew show-

the dance crew show you watched with your friends.

trying to comb the calendar in your mind, you’ve just realized that you missed that appointment that day. and then another one last week, the week when beomgyu introduced you to his bandmates as you visited their studio.

“oh fuck…”

“oh fuck, indeed.” heeseung sarcastically mimics you. you tried to hold your head up, but with the way the guilt for not showing up to your doula’s appointment, you could see the slight smirk that was threatening to grow on heeseung’s lips. but he seemed to hold it back as he let out a sigh, a shaky one.

“i’ve been trying, trying to be kind towards you. to give you the fucking benefit of the doubt with what you told me at the basketball court and i believe it. i believed it yet you don’t think about anything after that.” his hand reaches to be placed on his chest as you hold yourself still, fist pushing down to make you stand tall.

“you don’t think i don’t sacrifice as much as you do for them? i sacrifice my time and my friends' time to cater to you who is growing my babies inside you. yet you started to not think about them when you seemed to get everything on your way.” the man says as you can see the way he is grinding his teeth down, yet it still sounds so clear as you get your mind to think straight. heeseung is shaking his head as he can’t hold back the smirk that is slowly growing.

“you don’t think that i don’t realize your crush on beomgyu, don’t you? with the way you’ve been pining over him ever since he brought you to the doula’s office. even if i still harbor unsavory feelings towards you, i’ll allow it cause it’s fucking natural when you interact with him as much. but to then see you slut yourself out to my friends-“

“WOW! OKAY!” you take a step back as the spreading shock of what he told you were triggering the same ever-fiery feelings you also have inside. “that’s a fucking low blow, lee.”

“what other word should i say it with? you’re having my babies, yet here you are being touchy with my friends and forgetting your freaking responsibilities-“

“but slutting myself is such a fucking wrong word to use. that’s too fucking much.” you retaliate back, crossing your arms in front of your stomach as you feel the instinct kicking to protect them. “other than me carrying your babies, you don’t fucking own me, lee heeseung. i can establish whatever relationships that i want and you’re just making yourself look like a jealous boy who can’t seem to make his, fucking, whatever, partner be happy yet the people around you can.”

it is now heeseung’s turn who is stunned, yet his scrunch face still telling him that, even though the word he uses is such an overkill, he is still telling the truth. the truth that seemed to make you fired up to do the offense on him.

“heck, i could’ve terminated them if i didn’t consider you-“

“don’t you fucking dare say that, 'cause,” he says as you looked at him exhaling, the tears of anger brimming in your eyes as you let your mind analyze what you say and how messed up it is. “don’t you see? you thought you were the losing one here? no, (y/n).”

he lets his muscles relax, yet you can recognize just how glassy his eyes are also, mirroring yours. “you have much more powerful control over this relationship than me. you have the fucking right to do whatever you want with yourself. but what’s in it for me? i gave you my savings and we are paying for the appointment together and you become so ungrateful as time goes by not going to them. like i’m just a wallet to you.”

heeseung’s hand reaches towards his cheekbone, his fingers grazes near the corner of his eyes as you watch the whites becoming pink—holding the emotions that he wants to let out but knowing that his friends could be collateral damage to it too now that they have a good relationship with you and your friends.

“i don’t even know what will happen after you give birth to them? are you still going to ignore me and raise them on your own when i have sacrificed even my savings money to pay for this stuff we have to do?”

your throat is dry as you listen to heeseung’s little sobs and sniffles, sensing the way your heart has dropped until it reaches the depths of your being. to then being told the truth that, yes, you are selfish for getting everything you have at the expense of heeseung, who you just now realized is retreating. how the glances at you when you’re with beomgyu, jeongin, or jimin give an annoyed but also a tinge of sadness in them. you now realize that even with heeseung being their roommate, he might not have much time with them anymore because of his basketball practices and with the way you and your friends are hoarding them from him.

“i-“ heeseung’s eyebrows raise as he hears you speak, “i gotta go.” you shake your head, not wanting to openly bawl in front of heeseung as you quickly exit the suffocating space.

the way his voice is calling your name echoes and makes you move faster as you slide your feet inside your shoes before opening the door and quickly and uncomfortably running toward the elevator. pressing the button as fast as possible as the elevator dings, pushing the close button as fast as you can as if you can pick up heeseung’s approaching footsteps.

the elevator door closes as it will bring you to the lobby. you lean back against the wall as you feel the uncomfortable folded-back part of the shoes you wear. damn you for deciding to wear a high-ankle one. you knew it would be hard to fold your leg to just slip the back to cover your heels. but the only thing you could resort to is to sit down on the elevator floor to put them on. quick!

you curse to yourself when your belly is the thing that makes it hard for you to slip it on. you still eye the ever-decreasing number of floors as you are reminded to try sitting with your knees so you can reach the back more easily. your body is doing acrobats more than the exercises haseul has told you to do, but when you feel the flaps now resting behind your feet, you can just stand up and go your merry way-

the elevator door opens when you hear the familiar exclamation of your name before buff arms are helping to make you stand up on your feet.

“did you fall?” jimin is looking at you with worry, leaving his bag outside as you can predict he has finished his class for today. but, with the way that heeseung told you of his friends, the guilt boils up to burn you once again.

“ji-jimin, i gotta go fast. so sorry,” you replied as you pushed yourself out of jimin’s grasp. sure, you could talk to him on what his opinion of you and what heeseung thinks of you. but, you aren’t as close to him as you are with beomgyu.

and that’s where you are bringing yourself.

remembering the band practice he had talked to you about through chat, you walked into the familiar studio area of the campus where he usually is. the hallway inside was getting darker as you entered, the evening time reminding the students to rest for the day as you watched many of them going towards where you came from. the hallway by the door of the studio is dark with only the light and sound of a guitar coming from behind the door’s window. taking a glimpse, you can see beomgyu who is riffing on one of txt’s songs. his long hair shielded his face enough to cause your heart to beat faster than before. well, before remembering what heeseung has told to you. yet, here you are, trying—in a way—to validate that the reason you’ve neglected your appointment is for a good cause for yourself.

beomgyu’s head is lifted as he hears the knocking, looking at the window as his smile widens to see you. you want to reply with the same—you always have been able to—but the underlying emotions you’re experiencing stop you as you try to give the widest smile you can at that moment. the handle turns as you push inside, sensing the warmth of the studio competing against the breeze of the cold weather.

“why are you here?” beomgyu said, his guitar dangling in front of him by the strap.

“so, i can’t be here?” you try to banter, a frown on your face that you usually share with him now has a different reaction as he pulls off the guitar and places it on the speaker before approaching you.

“no, no. of course you can be here,” he replied, the giddiness fell out of him as you noticed why he did that: the swollen eyes that you probably got from tearing up on the way here. remembering your wrongdoings that hurts more than what you and heeseung have gotten through in ages.

as beomgyu leaned closer, he opened his embrace to you, letting you in his arms as you felt the warmth enveloping you, trying to brush away every cold patch that touched your body. yet, it couldn’t touch your heart as much as you want. you wanted to bawl. maybe beomgyu can allow you to bawl into his shoulders. but with what you are doing next, the probability of that will be split.

you were the first one to lean back, hands holding onto his shoulder as he gaped at you with a curious smile before it slowly droops down as you gaze between his eyes and lips. leaning forward, you lean your head and let your lips meet his. the grip on his shoulders was strong as you tried not to tremble. finally. finally, giving in to what you wanted for a long time now.

you could feel the familiar tingling feeling warming your heart as beomgyu just… stands there. for you, that’s enough because at least you told him what you feel based on your actions. but the pausing was too much for your liking, and you can perceive the warmth in your heart getting hotter, too hot, that is giving you searing pain once again.

leaning back, you can see the blank face that is showing on beomgyu’s face. with a heavy heart, you still try to give an optimistic smile that isn’t reciprocated with what you expect. instead, beomgyu is shrugging, a normal expression on his face and you can sense the tears once again forming.

“please,” you whispered, “please tell me you feel the same way as i do for the past few months.” you silently cry.

the boy in question, beomgyu, gives a solemn smile instead. “i’m so, so, sorry (y/n). but i don’t feel the same way.” he is shaking to signal to himself that yes, he doesn’t reciprocate.

however, this is making you question everything.

“then why are you so nice to me? why are you always asking about me or my friends? why are you always joining us?”

“i do like you, (y/n). but, i can’t like you like that-“

“why?” the sound of everything seems to pause as you see beomgyu glances away at something before an unknown yet warm smile that exudes from him startles you.

“first, you’re pregnant with my best friend’s baby- sorry, babies. plural,” he corrects himself, “and second, the night that you and heeseung hooked up. ryujin and i also hooked up-“

“wait WHAT?” your heart is already hurting from the denial because you are heeseung’s baby mama. but the thing about ryujin shocks you.

“so yeah. we both hooked up at your apartment and i got more hooked. i was already hooked when we all were in high school and,”

you couldn’t continue hearing him ramble about ryujin just like how you ramble to the same girl about beomgyu since freaking high school. gosh, that fucking hurts. to know that your crush has a crush on your best friend really hurts. your crush who is best friends with your rival. you want to get a grip on your high school self so she could find out about it because you were too lovesick about beomgyu but despised heeseung as best as you can to not see that. now it just depends on ryujin, but you don’t want to pressure her like that. she’s discovering her queerness and you love her for that and you don’t want a boy to get in between you.

but between you and the boy… well…

you actually let out such an unserious laugh as you realized how totally bamboozled you have been for the past few months. it is helping you spread the pain so that it doesn’t hurt your heart and brain so much.

“you’re using me, ME, so that you can get closer to ryujin,” you sounded with exasperation as while you laughed, you could feel the tears free-falling on your cheek. “to use the attempt to bring boxes of ingredients, picking me up, just to have a glimpse of ryujin once in a while.”

with the quick succession of changes in your emotions, beomgyu just realized what eldritch horror he is summoning: a girl with a broken heart.

“you must be so fucking happy when i say yes to going out with you. a hook, line, and fucking sinker as you get the fish that will lead you to ryujin. yet you’re fucking stringing me along all this fucking time.” you got reminded of the group streams yours and beomgyu’s gang done twice now, to finally noticing just how touchy beomgyu is with ryujin—wrapping his arm behind where she sits—that when you lean against him, you didn’t realize that he was leaning against her too.

“fuck you, choi beomgyu!” you exclaimed as you retreated, tucking the front of your coat to cover your belly once again as the feelings hit you one by one, rushing out of the studio as you run. your tears clouding your sight as you don’t care where you are going. rushing past people as you are met with the pink evening sky as the sun is setting.

you stood by a sidewalk, the tears falling out as you sobbed into the space in front of you. looking downwards, you can see the babies you are holding. you just want to be alone now to wallow in your sadness that is kicking harder because of the hormone you must have to grow them inside them, holding them so you know they are there with you. it really is just you and them against the world.

and they agree with the thought of you buying fried chicken because you can feel them kicking against your touch.

it actually worries ryujin that you didn’t go out of your room for anything other than work, exams, or appointments.

her eyes gaze at the door to your room that has been haunting her mind for the past two weeks. a systematic cycle was built as, even with chaeryeong’s persuasions as your mood maker, you won’t go out of your room to even eat.

it started on the day when she and the rest of the girls were worried when you weren't home by midnight. ryujin believed they blow your phone up so bad that it makes you more reluctant to go home, but she remembered she got your phone saved on her find my phone app and they decided to track you using it. their discovery leads them to find you sleeping in a booth of a chicken fast-food restaurant as the leftover bones are left behind. the restaurant is nearly empty with only the employees who work the graveyard shift remaining there to cater to the night people. ryujin doesn’t mind carrying you into the backseat of chaeryeong’s car, but she can definitely feel the heat that is growing on your forehead as the car skidded home.

she heard you grumble as they helped to place you on your bed, making you lay down as they helped you change your clothes. minjeong comes in and brings a wet towel to be put on your forehead before chaeryeong gives you a bowl of cream soup that she hopes you will eat when you are awake. ryujin couldn’t get mad to see you like this—she recognized the dried tear marks fallen from the corner of your eyes. but, the way it spilled into your everyday life for the next two weeks is something she couldn’t comprehend. because you have never been this depressed before.

every time she hears the clicking of your door, she lets out a smile and a warm greeting to then meet you who gives her a small smile yet with no spoken reply as you carry your backpack to wherever you want to go that day. minjeong tried to come along with you, but with a stretch of a hand forward and an open palm; still showing the same small smile, you mouthed a no to her as you went out of the apartment.

because heeseung was busy in doing his exams, beomgyu is still coming by to give the box of ingredients for the week. but ryujin sees that something is bothering him as much as it bothers her. he replies with the same smile and greeting to her—maybe a bit more forward than what she used to—but it feels different when she is used to hearing your greetings towards him as you stood beside her to pick the box up.

this week, it wasn’t even beomgyu who is at her front door.

heeseung stood at the door with the box as he took a glimpse in as best as he could, asking for your whereabouts and why you didn’t answer his texts. ryujin wants to tell him the truth—that you’ve begun your hermit arc as you stay in your room. but she knows how sophisticated your relationship is with him that she can’t bear to let out the truth, saying that you’re outside at that time. but then heeseung told her something.

“help me reach her. she’s been rescheduling all the appointments with both the doctor and doula without me knowing and canceling the ones that we have scheduled together.”

“the receptionist doesn’t tell you anything?” she asked.

“patient confidentiality. and haseul is also by her side cause she won’t tell me when is (y/n)’s appointment.”

ryujin thinks that, if you are not with a child right now, you might not even open the door to get your meal in and you might never even go out other than for your work and exam. it seems that you are preparing yourself to be the vessel for your babies so you can give birth to them healthily, eating and drinking for them, but not for you.

she knows just how sad you are by the way you are wailing with the sound of your guitar muffled in your room. she listens to your rendition of mitski songs from behind the walls that are still small enough to not annoy the neighbors on all sides. with the exam season nearly done as you are there to finish up your research project, it makes you not go out of your room at all unless it’s for the bathroom. nobody is ever asked to pick you up for appointments or work at the daycare because you will then arrive and go back to your room all by yourself.

it’s sad to see you like this. so ryujin hopes what minjeong is doing could help you.

the guitar wailing is still heard as chaeryeong and minjeong walk from the kitchen with the buckets of popcorn, a homemade burger just for you, and juices around them as they still promise to follow your diet—though not as strict as you. minjeong walks towards your room as chaeryeong reads the synopsis of the cd cover of tonight’s movie.

“hiya, (y/n). i know we have been so busy for the past two months or so,” ryujin listens to minjeong words after her knocking on your door killing the sound of the guitar from your room. “we’re having a movie night and it’s one of the japanese movies in your watchlist. you are very much welcome to watch with us.”

there’s a long, pregnant pause as minjeong says the last words, turning her head towards ryujin who gives her a tight-lip smile as she looks at the hallway from the end of the sofa. minjeong lets out her own small smile as she turns her head towards the living area to grab the cd from the table and crouches down to put it onto the player. ryujin glances at chaeryeong who gives her own solemn smile, whispering, “just by the look of the cover, i know we will be crying.”

just then, they heard the sound of a door opening. all of their eyes turn towards the entrance of the hallway to see you emerging. no words are spoken because all of them still want to give you space as you’re the one now reaching out to connect to them after their trials and tribulations.

chaeryeong pats the seat between herself and ryujin as you let out a chuckle, letting them see just how big your belly is getting for carrying your still ever-growing babies. ryujin gives you the burger plate as you give a warm yet solemn smile, making chaeryeong lean close to you as minjeong turns off the lights and lets chaeryeong press play.

the movie starts with a scene on a train. a green filter filled the screen as only the white noise from the moving train filled the room. a young girl and young boy sit across from each other, a large suitcase in between them. and the boy whose clothes are similar to the suitcase—tattered—clutches onto it so gently.

to say that the movie is profound is an understatement. it is filled with wholesome scenes of children—siblings—playing with each other. that is, before the realization hits all of you as they had to fend for themselves to live. but it definitely hits you hard as you lean against ryujin’s shoulder, her hands in fist because of how furious she is while watching everything is going badly for the children. while you, you are actually sobbing. maybe because you have a profound relationship with children, and are a future mom yourself, your emotions exploded as you felt the despair, happiness, and rage all throughout.

it definitely is cathartic to you because you have been burying your feelings back. to see the children being abandoned is hurting you because you have seen children like them firsthand when you are volunteering in your second year. you definitely are mad at yourself for putting nobody knows in your watchlist, but you can now say that you’re grateful for minjeong to remember it because it is definitely the cathartic release you need after burying so many emotions at the same time.

as the credit rolls, you can feel the way your babies are moving inside of you. as if to remind you to at least, please, don’t abandon them.

the waterfall of tears as you sob caught the attention of your friends, who are also in various levels of tearing up in the eyes to full-on bawling with rage. you can only let out a small smile as you hear minjeong sniffle before standing up, making you open your arms to let her into your embrace. you can sense actual warmth for the first time in a while as it shields you from the cold, literally and figuratively. more arms come to wrap around you as you felt both ryujin and chaeryeong’s faces beside your ears. to know that they understand it hits you more because you are with a child.

maybe, there is still warmth in life than what you expected. after contemplating so much about the actions that you’ve done—ranging from the earliest memories of when you and heeseung were young to the way beomgyu broke your cracked heart into pieces when you confessed—you realized that you are selfish. that you haven’t got the ability to step back and take in everything and to find your priorities, because now with babies growing inside of you, your priorities are changing as you start to love them more and more.

the pettiness that you and heeseung have for each other really shielded you from what heeseung truly is: a good man. a man who cares for others. a man who is willing to trust you, even with the amount of history you both have. how he also has his own priorities and needs, but he decided to give them to you—well, your babies. sure, he’s not perfect. his anger making him say something that is so out of line in your relationship. but you understand where he is coming from. you understand the amount of jealousy seeping through when the doula gives you instruction yet he is just there, doing nothing other than being reminded to always have a good communication line with you.

maybe, it is the time for change. because if you can allow yourself to have his children, you should also allow yourself to let him into your life.

so that your children will not be abandoned by both of their parents.

to learn that his mom is so excited is an understatement. to know that both his and your moms have been planning for your joint gender reveal and baby shower—because of your busy schedules—is like seeing them being kids once again.

heeseung looks to the backyard of his house, the venue of the event, which is filled with more neutral earthy color from the theme that they asked you about. he didn’t chime in because he is busy—but he also wants to at least forget the way genuine hurt show up on his face when he called you a slut. to then lose contact with you for the past month as he is frustrated. yet again, you were the one blocking him from the information he has the right to know. and with the way you try to avoid him as much as possible on campus, you are now entering your third trimester, the end of the year is near, and both of your families believe that you both are together, all of those complexities are swirling in his head as he has to try his best to face one by one.

“heeseung!” he heard his dad speak loudly from outside the room, “the guests are here, come greet them. it’s your party to host.”

“coming.” he took one last look at his outfit, a simple creme-colored shirt tucked into his black jeans, as he walked outside of the door towards the living area and the backyard when he caught the appearance of the table with shiny bracelets and flower-charmed bracelets: a jewel for a boy and a flower for a girl. he could see that some of his boys were there, picking between two types of bracelets so they could guess what are the genders of both of his babies.

“come on! the idea of heeseung hyung having two boys will be scary.” jake says towards jay who picked up gold and silver bracelets, respectively.

“but it’s plausible…”

“so is hyung having two girls, right?” jake replied as heeseung looked down to find the different color flower-charmed bracelets in his hand. the other guys are also talking to each other as sunoo was the one who approached him first.

“hey, heeseung hyung. how are you feeling?” the kind boy asked as he could feel his emotion lighten up when seeing the younger boy’s eye smile.

“oh… you know, a bit nervous actually.” heeseung chuckled as he looked at the boy’s wrist, seeing both kinds of bracelets on each of his hands.

“i’m team ‘heeseung hyung is boy-girl dad’ and the guys don’t believe me actually.” sunoo replied, seeing sunghoon turning to him and saying, “that’s cause it’s rarer, sunoo-yah.”

“i know,” said boy replied as heeseung chuckled, looking towards another table that is full of gifts often found in baby showers. since nobody knew of the genders of his babies, he saw all different types of clothing of all colors there, a few baby diapers, and essentials that would be helpful to stock at home. most of them are gender neutral but he sees a few of specific gender ones he has to think to give away if his pair of kids will be only gender specifically–or he could hold on to it so that he can make them dress neutrally.

“we didn’t give much other than two sets of baby clothing. broke college students, after all.” sunoo speaks as if to explain the situation he recognized so much.

“that’s definitely enough, sun.” heeseung chuckled as he patted sunoo’s shoulder. that’s when he heard the commotion from inside the living area from behind the glass doors, the room where his mom is with his extended family and a few mutual friends of his. he looked through it to watch a crowd coming inside; what looked to be your side of the people—your friends from college like yunjin and kazuha, your roommates of course plus sungchan who is bringing eunseok too, to what it seemed like your extended family before he sees you coming in: taking his breath away.

you are bigger than the last time he saw you. you are also wearing a color similar to his, but in a midi dress style, and he sees his mom hugging you before holding onto your belly. he let his eyes watch you comfortably as you looked around the familiar and unfamiliar faces before you connected your own sight with his.

heeseung thought you had almost forgotten the fake dating aspect of this whole fiasco you are in with him. but when you open the sliding door and in a one-way direction towards him, he lets himself being embraced by you as his hands automatically move to wrap around you. he couldn’t lean in closer because of your pronounced baby bump, but you moved back a little to look at him. a smile on your face as he sees you seemed to be more at ease, maybe because of your classes being finished and such, but you are on a completely different side of the spectrum because he is here, still struggling to juggle all the things.

“you okay?” you are the one that asked as you gaze at heeseung’s unreadable expression, making you chuckle as you can’t help the influence you have on him, but also the influence he has on you as you could pick up your heart beating faster.

“yeah…” he replied, making you lean in.

“follow my lead 'cause your mom literally introduced me as your girlfriend. unless you get a grip to know what it implies, hee,” you whispered as his eyes changed, his hand now traced down to your lower back as he stayed by your side.

acting with himself is something so easy for him. after all, he has to act while in front of your parents when he is facing you, which he has done since he knows how. but, now, acting with you seems so natural. too natural, actually. how you’re bringing him around as he introduced yourself to your aunt and your now first-grader cousin—"that’s the kid that i babysit for the first time" you added—and the way you acted like nothing happened for the past month stuns him so much.

the way your facial expression moves along as you and his friends seem to be low-key teasing both of you—he caught a glimpse of jimin recording him being dragged by you past the crowd on video—just seemed so much more than acting. but you are acting, correct?

well, that was when you caught onto beomgyu’s gaze that he could see your expression chipping away; when you returned him with only a small smile before pivoting towards heeseung as he could see your nose crunching while smiling. with that, lee heeseung actually kind of regrets by telling that to you. he kind of regrets that he hurt you.

the festivity was very modest to say the least, especially since both of your parents are the ones paying cause they’re just too happy to have grandchildren with each other. the pile of baby items is stacking up as more people are picking their guesses. all the party needs is the arrival of your coworker and it’s done.

when said coworker arrives with what looks to be a bag of crowns: a pair of faux gold crowns and a pair of flower crowns. he looks towards you who is smiling before biting your lips as you approach her and give her a hug, bringing her to him.

“this is yoonah from the daycare, well technically, she’s my boss,” you spoke, introducing the woman who is older by a few years.

“and this is heeseung, the baby daddy.” yoonah pulls out her hand as heeseung shakes it, pain surging through his hand as the grip on it is so hard.

“listen to me, heeseung. if you ever hurt her again, i swear to any kind of god out there that i will hurt you first.” yoonah said with gritted teeth and menacing eyes before pulling back, making heeseung’s doe-like eyes turns towards you who was giving him a shrug as you tell your mom on the main event.

“gather around, friends and family. the main event is going to start!” she said so giddily as his mom brought both of you to the other side of the backyard, facing towards the house where the people you invited were in front of both of you.

“thank you so much for everyone for coming to the baby shower/gender reveal combo for (y/n) and heeseung’s babies.” yoonah hosted with both poise and excitement in her voice—no wonder that she also works in a daycare. “i have here two pairs of crowns that will show the genders of both babies, which i know since (y/n) asked me to be with her for her latest appointment. i will put the corresponding crown on the two parents’ heads.”

heeseung can see the crowd gleaming at the thought of seeing both you and heeseung wearing the corresponding crowns according to their guesses. he glances at his boys who are sporting all the flower-charmed bracelets; except for jeongin, who has one silver bracelet and one flower bracelet on his wrist. and then to your girls who are sporting mostly both kinds of bracelets except for ryujin who wears two gold bracelets.

“(y/n), heeseung, please close your eyes and take a bow,” yoonah said as he turned to you, who gave him a subtle nod. your hand reaches to grab his as you both face forward and he closes his eyes before bowing his head forward.

all he could feel was the way the cold breeze blew against his skin and how his grip on yours tightened as he could feel something on his head, making the sound of the crowd growing before the grass ruffles in front of him to where you at as the crowd lets out a huge ovation. he can hear his friends’ laughter when he picks up yoonah saying, “you both can open your eyes.”

lifting his eyelids, he lets the shiny view come in as he turns towards you, seeing the shock on your face as he gazes at you wearing a golden crown. he grabs onto his own crown as he touches the petals of flowers on it, picking yours up also to show you what’s on your head. you can’t help but step towards him, taking in a big embrace that heeseung reciprocates as he sees both crowns on his hands behind you.

a boy and a girl.

heeseung was actually speechless when he retreated, letting you take the flower crown before placing it on his head, scrapping around his hair so that it looks better as he lets the gold crown glide on top of your hair where he puts it.

he could see the way his friends crumble and glee in excitement because of the revelation. sunoo’s cackling comes from the basketball guys and it combines with jeongin’s who is also recorded jimin and beomgyu, jokingly weeping because they’re wrong. your friends are also teasing ryujin for picking the wrong combination as heeseung rests his hand on your back.

“ok, sorry, one last thing everyone.” your mom interrupts the total chaos of emotions being spilled before turning towards you two. “i know that we have the gender reveal and baby shower together and we have so many outfits and items that will be useful for you to raise both of your babies. but you might be asking ‘where are we going to put this?’ well…”

your mom opens her arm so that his mom comes into her hold. the grin that they are trying to say signals that they're now fully loaded for something.

“we don’t want you two lovebirds being apart while raising babies. well… let’s just say that your parents and (y/n)’s parents have paid the down payment on a new apartment…”

heeseung actually reacted the same way as you, jaw dropped, eyebrows scrunched as you and he turned your heads at the same to face each other. you mouthed a ‘what the fuck’ towards him as he shakes his head, saying to you he also don’t know shit about this.

you and he are going to live together.

he could actually read your face this time, the face that he has already recognized for a long time—the face of when you want to refute. but, with the way your eyes seemed to crease as the rest of the bafflement poured out, you realize you couldn’t refute back to them unlike how you do to him. your eyes, though with the same sparkle in them as he sees you throughout the day, seemed to tell a different story. a story that he also seems to recognize.

that’s what he thinks as he says the goodbyes to the guests departing, leaving only your family, his roommates, and your roommates behind as they all gather to help clean up the props and bring the stuff inside. heeseung carried the last of the two baby carry-ons for the car inside the house as it is stacked by the garage door so he could pack them up and carry them to your new shared apartment.

“i swear, gang. i don’t know shit about, fuck, this,” he says as he walks back and forth to the two groups sitting in his proximity.

“also, ‘lovebirds’? the last time i met you, i don’t think (y/n) is dating you.” ryujin called back to what his mom said. but she still understood it was the message you and he sent when you were walking around together to greet the guests.

“well, we imply to them we are together to let them know of our situation so that’s where that actually came from…” heeseung replied when he caught beomgyu who was looking at ryujin’s curious and furious combo face as he could feel the awkwardness of the moment is. since the last time you left his room, he never hangs with your roommates anymore, nor did they come to his apartment to play. sure, he has met all three of them as he became the one to give the box full of ingredients, but the situation is so awkward that after he asks for your well-being and is given the answer, he instantly speed walks to the elevator because it triggers him so much.

he really realized just how interconnected you are to everybody. he can see with the way beomgyu arrived home on the same day you left from him—whom you presumably talked to—and discover how his usually giddy face now has a small stain of sadness in it before going back to ignorance. how jimin never heard of chaeryeong again as she is working with her main crew on a routine whilst jimin is focusing on creating a choreography. all because he wants you to explain from your side.

to heeseung, he had let the things that created a plaque in his heart alone by themselves: seeing you being too selfish of your own self that you couldn’t find any priorities for even your babies and how he said it to you seemed to besmirch him more. yet, he also takes to the heart what you say on the basketball court: that he is miles ahead in front of you and how tired it is staying in the rivalry. that there is a side of him capable of competing, yet he pours it into your petty rivalry. he has already implemented the side of him you were talking about on his day-to-day after it, mostly during basketball, as he seemed to be some sort of assistant coach to coach min as he helped with training the junior players. he sure hopes that you get what he meant on why he asked for you two to talk after every factor created changed him in a way.

because he cares for you.

“the boys are staying with me,” beomgyu said as he stood up along with the others while the girls also stood up, presumably to stay the night with ryujin because she is also from here—alongside heeseung, beomgyu, and you. heeseung brought them out of the front door as they went their separate ways, closing the door as he walked deeper into the house.

he heard the sound of the sink running when he found his mom cleaning the utensils. your mom is packing up the leftovers as the sound brings him towards the kitchen.

“hey, bambi.” his mom greets him as heeseung lets out a small smile. your mom opening her arm so he could come into the conversation that is now being talked about.

“i sure do hope that you and (y/n) like the apartment we picked. it’s a two-bedroom one, but it is big enough because i know you have your exercise equipment and that gaming pc of yours that you will have to reassemble,” his mom said from behind him as he stared at the leftover food on top of the kitchen island, standing beside your mom.

“that’s more than enough, mom. thank you.”

“you gotta have to say thank you to auntie as well. she helped to pick the location so that it is pretty close to your campus and your friends.” his mom told him as he took a peek to see your mom, catching onto the similarities both of you have.

“we have the rent up for a year so we can give you freedom if you wanna move away from it after it is done.” your mom continued to talk as heeseung nodded. his head turned downwards as he tried to pick out the right words to say. instead, he literally blurted out something that came out first from his mind.

“(y/n) and i don’t get along with each other.”

he stares at the two women who turn their heads to face each other. both of them sharing a look before your mom replied, “we know.”

“well… both of you used to get in trouble with each other a lot at school that it makes us realize that you both don’t get along with each other.” his mom added, making heeseung’s face return to the shocked face as he can’t help but laughs. why would he and you hide it if they already know? oh, young minds…

“i, i, okay…” his stammers died down as he couldn’t help but bite his lips, “then why i do seem to care for her so much?”

he’s able to hear his mom chuckle as she turns the water tap off before standing on the other side of his figure, seeing how he is taller than both moms who are looking at him so expectantly.

“the line between love and hate is so thin it’s actually near existence.” his mom said first, “and don’t worry about that, the rivalry doesn’t actually start with you.”

“what?” he retorted as he watched the two women communicating through a glance shared between them.

“your mom and i are actually rivals in our school basketball athlete days.” your mom said, “we used to trash talk so much at each other that our teacher had the smart plan for us to do something for detention together.”

“cleaning out that forsaken storage filing room.” his mom cuts in as she helps to collect the leftovers and grab the plates they were on so she could wash them.

“arranging them up and all. good thing during your time now you have online databases because, i swear, those teachers just blatantly putting the documents down so that they can make a student clean it up somehow as punishment.” your mom adds as his mom just laughs about it, thinking of said memory as heeseung could picture a large dim room full of shelves with stacks of papers on them—not arranged into a certain manner at all.

“but it works. after that, we became closer and we don’t see each other as rivals, but as equals.” the tap is turned off as his mom’s words go back to his ears, “and we become the best friends you now see us as.”

heeseung can’t hold back his laugh as he imagines his mom being in the same position as he is during school—cursing your mom’s ears off or even tugging the ball from each other to show who is the better player. but to know that they resolute it so fast makes him feel shame for actually allowing such rivalry to grow for more than a decade. it’s because you and him don’t see eye to eye, but sometimes you do. it’s because of the ambition you both have to also be like your parents. but growing up changed that. there are many ways to resolve such rivalry, yet he chooses the having-a-baby-together-route; the extreme challenge mode out of all.

“since you stayed at our house, (y/n) is now staying in your room for the night, heeseung.” your mom said as she gathered the leftovers, which were divided into two for each household. “also the apartment already has a bed complete with the frame and mattress and a wardrobe big enough for both of you. so you can move in if you want by tomorrow as you gather your items from your rooms at each of your apartments.”

“alright, thanks for telling me,” he said before your mom jumped with realization one last time, picking up the white envelope that he remembered yoonah brought.

“this is from the last doctor’s appointment (y/n) went to with yoonah. she knows you will ask her for your own copies.”

the word “third trimester” is spelled out on the front as heeseung pulls out the content. a few ultrasound pictures grace his vision as he gazes at the visual of his babies inside of you, the word markings at the top now assigned them as baby a and baby b grazing his touch as he sees one of them each in their own scan and both of them together by their heads. he felt someone standing behind him and a finger pointing something out in one picture of the individual baby.

“you can see baby a has a nub protruding. that’s the penis, so he’s the boy.” his mom has spoken, making him let out a small “wow” before seeing that baby b has no nub. she’s the girl.

“well, all the leftovers are split up, so i think we’re going to get going. we don’t want the husbands to smoke one more stick of cigarette.” your mom says as his mom laughs in reply.

heeseung adds after tucking the pictures in the envelop, “i also want to go to bed.”

“you absolutely should. you have to pack the baby shower gifts and bring it to your new apartment in the morning. or let it stay in your trunk until you move it in. you’ve done so well as a host,” his mom responded as he nodded, saying his last “good night” before retiring to his room.

his nightlight on the bedside table is on when he gently opens the door, he looks at the silhouette of you lying down on your side facing away from him. a duffle bag stands in front of his wardrobe which he presumes is filled with your clothes as he can identify you wearing a headset while the light of your phone shines your face. for him, it’s the correct time to freshen up as he had to come to terms that you will stay in the same bed as him—because he couldn’t bear himself to push you off his bed especially with you being in the third trimester, where he has learned from haseul is when your back pain is at its worst.

drying the droplets of water and tucking his sleeping outfit on, he walks back into the dim room to find your headset and phone on the bedside table. you have moved to sleep with your left side up; the only space for him is on the right of the bed beside his desk. though the weather outside is cold, the heater is still on as the heat exudes out to balance the temperature. he walks towards the empty bedside when he can’t help to make out the sound that is so much more noticeable in the quiet air’s white noise.

the sound of sobbing.

heeseung sits down on the bed, his back facing you while he looks one last time at his phone before putting it away when he hears you talk.

“do you know about beomgyu liking ryujin when we talked a month ago?”

his head turns to the side, taking a glimpse behind his shoulder. he can see the fragment of your expression in the darkness, making him want to make his eyes adapt to it faster.

“ever since high school, (y/n).” he acknowledged. of course, he knows. he had seen that lovey-dovey look every time he and beomgyu moved past you and ryujin in the hallway. he still has it—the subtle version of it—when his gang hangs out with yours. to be that naïve wasn’t heeseung’s forte, but he does realize just how naïve you could be.

“and is that why you commented on my crush on him? because you know that i’ll be hurting at the end?”

heeseung let out a small hum as he pushed himself off the floor and looked to the front, extending his legs as he sensed the similar, albeit lighter, pain from walking around and standing up too much as he let his legs stretch out to make him relax and let the blood flow clearly. you chuckled as he helped to pull the comforter on his childhood bed on top of him and your figure. if he could communicate with his younger self that he has you in his room and in his bed, he could see young heeseung strangling him, complaining to his older self about why he allowed that person to even be in his room.

he sees movement from your end when he lets himself lay down on the mattress. your hand brushing against your face as he turns his head towards you.

“well… you won, lee heeseung.”

your words caught his attention as he let his head be on the same level as you, shifting so he could finally see your face clearly with the nightlight still on. you have another pillow wedge between your legs, something he knows can make you feel more comfortable as he had also learned about pregnant woman’s sleeping positions. yet, your face tells him and the world that you aren’t 100% comfortable.

“i went to him, wanting to make what i felt come true because i truly, truly thought that he felt the same way. then bam! another gutter punch to me and that’s a freaking k.o,” you informed him, letting him experience the rest of the day from your view as, at that time, he was wallowing in disappointment and shame for using a wrong word to describe what you are doing with his friends.

“that fucking broke me. and i still remain in that belief even with the catharsis of watching a japanese movie about child abandonment makes me fracture and heal myself at the same time. now, with our parents renting us an apartment…” he could hear the pitch of your voice rising alongside how many words you had spoken. heeseung turned his whole body to face you, making you exhale and inhale, “i think it’s going so fast. too fast, i mean.”

your breathing makes you a bit hyperventilating as you want to turn some other way from him because you can’t bear to see his doe-like eyes staring at you with concern. you try your best to calm down, looking at the slam dunk poster on one of his walls while blinking your eyes to get rid of the glistening eyes. that’s when you sensed a hand on your cheek. heeseung’s hand reached out as you let his fingertip graze near your eyes, wiping away the single tear that came out after enough of them accumulated on the corner of your eye.

“you don’t think i’m not also scared? that my life is also going too fast?” he asked in such a warm tone. “you think that i’m not also broken? with how you and the world had shown me so much knowledge i have to expect to understand quickly, it also broke me. i can see what a positive influence you have over our friendship as a group and with you being idle for the past month, it has affected everyone. it affects beomgyu too, you know?”

you push your lips to one side, feeling your cheeks getting warm as you frown while taking in the words he had meant. that even if you confess just how much you have lost in this eternal battle with him; for the first time, he confesses he is the same.

that you are now equal to him.

“i don’t know. i retreated to being an egotistic antisocial while thinking about all of that. i’m glad you’re not like me then.” heeseung giggles as he overhears you uttering such a depressing sentence. but he continues to caress your face as he tugs himself closer to you, sensing his bent knees touching your own and the pillow that is wedged between the legs. he is the one to lean in first.

the kiss feels all too familiar now, the same as the one you had while conceiving your babies, the same as the one at the basketball court. but months have passed since those two moments, yet it only becomes richer as it goes. your hand lifts to grab his luscious locks and cradle it so you can bring him closer, tilting your head as you feel his breath right against your philtrum. yet, when you let go to take a breather, he leans in closer to connect your foreheads, lips right in front of each other’s—hovering so close that no one could able to steal each other away from the moment.

“you have me, (l/n)(y/n). we can heal together, if you want, of course. or else, i just take care of myself better an-“

you playfully roll your eyes as you meet his lips once again, feeling both of your pairs already knowing the right ways to satisfy both of your needs to sense each other. you nodded your head—hoping he felt it too—even with your lips on his. and he seemed so as he traced his hand down to your side.

“let’s heal together,” you answered, breaking the string of saliva that connected both of you as you grabbed heeseung’s hand on your body to let him touch your bump. sure, you are used to them kicking inside you now. but, heeseung never felt them when you discover them during your hermit days. to see just how the sparkles in his bambi eyes increased when you could feel one of them kicking to your uterus wall so hard, you let out a chuckle as he let you move his hand and press down to sense the movement inside you.

“i have to be angry at you because both of your babies are kickers. it triggers me to vomit just how much they kick me.”

“sorry for that!” he takes responsibility with a grin as you let his hand go, letting him have the free rein to press up against your womb where your babies are in.

“also, you’re going back with me to campus tomorrow. should i just bring you back to your apartment? the parents expect us to set up the place with the baby shower gifts.” heeseung asked as you let his hand roam to press against the bump. at the same time, it was your turn to caress his cheek, feeling how he wanted to stay in your touch when he unconsciously leaned in, but his head seemed to be too heavy to lift from the exhausting day that is today.

moving in with him is going to be hard. other than the knowledge that you learned about him which you can take advantage of, you don’t know who heeseung is as told by himself; only from his friends and parents. but with the more contact you both have with each other during this phase of both of your lives, you can tell that he is decent. you can already figure out how to rearrange the domestic chores you and him have to share. and to learn that the apartment is semi-furnished with the kitchen, bathroom, and main bedroom in place, you could actually go and live with him as fast as possible.

you’ve made up your mind.

“you know what? you don’t have to bring me back to my apartment.”

“hmm?” he questioned, lifting his eyebrows.

“i’ll help you unpack the baby shower gifts at our apartment.”

4. mended broken hearts

“thank you so much!” heeseung spoke with a sense of gladness as he took a last glimpse at the crane beside the balcony, watching it being retreated down to the truck that is part of the moving truck ensemble for his apartment. the officers there were so helpful as they didn’t mind being moved around between three different apartments since the morning. the machinery always fascinated heeseung as it’s not the same when it comes to houses. to use a crane to help move boxes easier at the same time is stunning heeseung; because he didn’t get the same luxury when he moved into the boys’ apartment. that’s when you told him that that kind of service actually exist too.

turning around inside his still blank living room, heeseung scans boxes upon boxes of his and your stuff, some are inside suitcases—which is mostly clothes—and boxes are filled with stationary and other items you both owned. the kitchen where the island counters are and a few sturdy boxes you both haven’t unpacked become your dining area as—other than the bed frame, mattress, and wardrobe both your parents have bought alongside the apartment rent—they want you two to decorate the apartment to your heart's content. that means buying pieces of furniture and assembling them yourselves.

heeseung still remembers how his dad arrived to tell him the different tools in the toolbox that he gave him as they both assembled a few pieces themselves. you stood on the side, sometimes helping with bolting something with a screwdriver in your overall get-up that he seemed to not get enough of. with your shelves done for the living area, you both focused on the babies’ room rather than your own room first. knowing how to assemble things now, you both choose the cribs, changing station, and cabinets for your both of your babies’ needs. viewing the room in the default look without more color is enough because you don’t know if the landlord allowed for any modifications of the apartment. so you both waited for customizations when you decided on a much more permanent residence after you graduated.

but, overall, the way you and him work together in creating a liveable place for yourselves for the next year is something to be proud of. how you and he bounce each other’s thoughts as you think of using the boxes of the new furniture bought to your advantage, making a makeshift cabinet you can put the unnecessary stuff you have while you allow heeseung to buy a desk for his gaming pc setup and some stools in making the kitchen island your permanent dining table. none of you are thinking about buying tvs or sofas, so a few beanbags and a futon is enough with a mini projector that can be useful for projecting the movies or shows you want to watch.

it’s admirable honestly, just with how open you are with each other after having such an emotionally charged seven months along with years upon years of bad blood to see you and heeseung actually working together and not complaining much about it. your friends even tease that maybe bodysnatchers caught both of you and you both are some alien species who don’t know the complex history of the humans they’ve abducted. yet, you both beat the allegations when you still have fits against each other in front of your friends. though in your domestic life, you try to dim it down by doing the relationship exercise haseul has taught you. twice a week, just you and heeseung sitting across from each other on your bed, holding hands, and looking at each other—building that connection.

heeseung placed the aptly label pc box on top of the desk he had assembled yesterday after he and the moving worker helped in organizing which boxes were yours and his. two beanbags are sitting by the front door as he will wait for you to discuss how to rearrange them for both of your liking. the boxes create some sort of half-wall maze he has to navigate to find your shared bedroom, the babies’ room, and the bathroom where some of your dirty laundries are piled he has to remember to bring it to the laundromat. he remembered that you have your own ironing kit so that you don’t have to pay more to iron out the creases of your clothes. he had already talked to the landlord about how to connect to the internet as he has his own router that he just needs to connect. and voila, a living place enough until the next year as you both awaited your graduation and your babies.

the sound of a muffled ringtone rings from another room as he walks towards his bedroom, seeing the tall box from the crib becoming your bedroom table as it rattles against the material. he looked at the screen to see the alarm reminding him of what you told him. picking the phone and some necessary items up, he left the apartment to go to his car in the basement, turning the engine on as he left the building.

the road is empty enough for him to arrive early to the daycare—even earlier than the guardians of the children who are finishing their day so they could pick their kids up. heeseung turns the car off as he stares at the entrance because you’ll probably be far from being done, yet something in his mind tells you to just wait inside rather than be left in the cold in the car; also to save the gas. locking the car with the remote key, he walked towards the daycare as he stared at the trees around that were shedding their leaves in the mid to end of december date it is currently in.

he hears a twinkling jingle when he steps inside the heated lobby area of the receptionist area, seeing it empty as he could observe the walls of the various playrooms that are there; all of them leading towards the outdoor playground that seemed to be closed out because of the snow falling a few days before. heeseung sees the children doing their various activities, some are playing around by drawing and some are playing with dolls and figures while an attendant takes care of each area. that’s when he saw you, sitting cross-legged in another overall outfit as he could see the large bump you’re sporting whilst sitting, reading what is supposed to be a children’s book for your audience of 4 to 6-year-olds—though you also have the experience of taking care of younger when you told him of your babysitting experience.

your eyes gaze between the writing of the book and your audience of children intrigued by what you are saying. your free hands move animately whilst describing what you are reading, making a few kids holding onto their plush or blankets so hard as they imagine what you’ve said. every time he sees you like this, he can’t help but be enamored like you. like you are a goddess of storytelling and your stories capture people’s attention in such the right way that it influences them too. why did he think about that? because he had seen it. he had seen his friends being influenced by it, and he had felt it himself.

your gaze breaks between the two planes of existence towards the window where heeseung is standing behind, making him chuckle as he sees you startled. eventually making some kids turn around to look at him. he can read the changes in your face as you realize the time, looking at the other areas, before pushing your hand as you point to where you at, mouthing,

“you want to come in?”

“right now?” he also expresses as you read his mouth and answer by nodding. he slowly tugged his shoes off and put them beside the shelf where the employee’s slippers were as he pushed the door open after turning the handle. softly—from the little pairs of eyes looking at him—he settles down beside you as some kids are looking at him with differing emotions, some with admiration, some with jealousy, some with timidness; especially because of how much of a giant his own body is compared to them. that is before one boy spoke up,

“miss (y/n), is that your king?” he says, making you puff out laughter as heeseung’s eyes widen before looking at you. with the way the other children seem to realize what the boy implies, he realizes you have told them something before about that.

“i think you’re right, woonhak oppa.” a girl said before she reached her hand out, “queen (y/n) is going to have her babies soon.”

“okay, kids. hyunseo…” you gaze at the kid who is giving you a cute eye smile. you know just how brutal it is for kids to tease you about your relationship; even kids are having a more dramatic love life than you are here. but with heeseung here, after they believe you don’t have your own king or queen, you understand just how confused they’ve become.

glancing toward him, you open your hand and whisper, “the floor is yours.”

he gazes at the kids before letting out his signature charismatic smirk, “well, you are correct, woonhak and hyunseo.” the two names mentioned now have sparkles in their eyes. “i’m queen (y/n)’s king. my name is heeseung.”

“heeddeung?” you listen to hyein trying to pronounce the name, making you chuckle.

“it’s heeseung, hyein. with a sssseu…” you tried to help her pronounce the s sound in heeseung’s name as the kids were now singing the chorus of heeseung’s name, making him giggle.

“you’re so cool, mister.” another boy spoke out as heeseung seemed to be taken aback, doing some theatrics with his expressions before bowing down and saying a “thank you”.

“then, you have been lying to us, miss (y/n)?” rami’s question makes your eyebrows crunch as you don’t know how to word out your complicated relationship in simple words.

“king heeseung has been here the whole time, actually.” you lean forward with your hand covering one side of your mouth so that heeseung can’t see, “but i hide him so that his awesomeness doesn’t compete with mine,” you said yet still with your normal volume, making heeseung snicker before he tried to remove your hand. the children nod their heads as they’ve been in on a little secret of yours.

“both miss (y/n) and mister heeseung are awesome.” you heard a girl said at the back, making you let out a thumbs up before you saw the boy beside her refute her answers; making them bicker about who was more awesome between the two of you. you exhale such a big breath as you shift your head to face him when he sees you with a look of horror—him realizing just how loud children do when bickering with each other. you stretch your arm upwards before slowly scooting yourself towards heeseung and place your head on his shoulder, making you pick up his giggle as he brought his hand behind you to stabilize your gravitational pull because of the weight.

“let’s hope that our babies are not gonna argue like that when they can talk.” heeseung mumbled, making you glance at him.

“arguing like us too, you mean?” you nudged his rib, finally knowing his opinion on the topic you voiced out months before. “i know you’ve felt tired of that like i am.”

heeseung hums before he sees a boy raising his hand toward you two, making you say a "yes" as yujin asked you an unexpected question.

“since queen (y/n) has king heeseung and they have the baby on the way…”

“oh no…” he caught your mumble.

“where does the baby come from between the two of you?”

if heeseung’s horror gaze doesn’t turn into dread, he must be sick or something because you even have a similar look showing on your face before it went away a few seconds later. that’s when you heard your own alarm from your phone ringing; making the kids let out such a chorus of disappointment because they have to go home.

“your family can definitely help you answer that, kids. let’s prepare your belongings so you can go home, okay?”

“okay!” they said in their various voices as heeseung sighed so large, avoiding such a lightning bolt because if you couldn’t answer it, then how could he do that? of course, he doesn’t want to imprint the idea of copulation on them at such a young age. and he is glad as the bell saved him.

heeseung helps to stand you up and you walk towards the lockers for the kids before glancing outside to see the familiar faces of their guardians picking them up. he even helped with a few of them before he felt a tug on his shoulders when crouching down. turning around, he sees the same girl that had pronounced his name wrong giving him a paper. he remembers the girl has a few sheets of paper and crayons when she is there with the crowd, hearing your stories.

“for you, mister heeseung…”

he sees the picture of a simple drawing of three figures: a smaller triangle with a circle and smile and hair, a larger one with the same as the little figure with a crown on her head, and beside it, a stickman with a black rectangle filled and the same circle as a head with face and another crown. the color of their triangles corresponds to the girl’s purple outfit and your own light blue denim.

the girl, you, and himself.

“thank you, uhh…”

“hyein.” she smiled.

“thank you, hyein.” he replied correctly before turning around as he saw her retreating body to you who was holding her purple backpack strap, giving him a knowing look before you focused on hyein as he stared at the drawing in his hand.

after you send the kids to their respective guardians with coats that appear so big on them as they have to traverse the cold weather, you say goodbye to yoonah and your other coworker; seeing her nodding her head at heeseung who is picking you up as she mentioned, “you almost forgot to send me the complete research so i can give it to sohee in marketing.”

“will do it right away,” you said as you tugged your puffer coat, said your goodbye to her, and entered the warmth and comfort of heeseung’s car.

after sending yoonah the file of your final research work that could help with helping in promoting the daycare, you lean back on the seat as you let heeseung’s r&b-based playlist flow through the speakers.

“what are we having for dinner?”

“what are you craving?” he asked before turning to you, who had a smile on your face. he already knows what it is.

“what’s with you and jjampong?”

“gochujang is my craving now and jjampong, being the soup food it is, helps with making my insides warm from this cold weather.” you hummed, thinking just how satisfying to consume jjampong again for the past three days. well, what gives. it is what you are craving.

“yet, you don’t want kimchi jjigae? they’re similar.”

“but jjampong has seafood, heeseung. plus jjigae is too thick and it’ll feel weird on my tongue.”

heeseung could only sigh as he smiled to himself, knowing that he had to call the chinese food delivery when you arrived at the basement of your apartment building.

a shower and the clean empty bowl of chinese foods you and him bought later, you and him are doing your nearly-regular routine of sitting and staring at each other. because it is nighttime, you let your lamp light the room in its own dim brightness as you see it being reflected in heeseung’s eyes.

when you smile, he follows. when he moves his lips a certain way, you follow as best as you can. but you can feel how both of your pulses are syncing up from you both holding your hands. thoughts are running in your mind about him, mostly the ones you have an obvious answer to. but there is one that is stuck that you just remember.

“why?”

“hmm?” he hummed, eyebrows lifted.

“why did beomgyu mention to me that he can’t be with me because of you?”

heeseung tries his best to not break eye contact even if he wants to, having the answer showing up clearly in his head because of the vulnerable stare he is in.

“did you tell him something, seung?”

but he just can’t say it, still holding it back even with the way you stare at him with such glistening eyes. your hormone seizing the wheel as you let go of your hand to wipe it before holding it again. he shakes his hand as you just let out a disappointment tight-lipped smile. but you didn’t expect heeseung to also ask,

“why didn’t you stop me that night?”

your eyebrows are lifted. that night has been a while and the last time you spoke of it is when you mentioned how you are pregnant with his child. sure, why didn’t you stop him? why didn’t you stop yourself? you are also wondering that.

and because of that, you lean forward as your lips meet heeseung’s. the kiss is so light yet loving. and even that, it’s enough to answer the question for your own self. well, it’s now his turn to think…

“why didn’t you stop me just now?” you questioned back.

near the end of the 5-minute-ritual, heeseung finally understands why he didn’t stop himself today and why didn’t he stop himself and you that night.

the end of the year is today and here you are, tucking yourself in one of your flowy maternity dresses as you pull the straps up so you can put your hands through the sleeve and tug the dress so it adjusts to your own liking. your makeup has been sitting on your face for five minutes now as heeseung is preparing himself in the bathroom. you tie the strap of the back of the dress as best as you can when you can feel yourself stretching your back, making you groan at how satisfying the feeling is. the sun has already set outside as you clasp your small black-colored chain necklace at the front before rotating it behind your nape. you glance at how cute you look as you can’t help but take your own photo in the mirror that you brought from your old room that is leaning against the wall corner.

the door of the bedroom opens and you find heeseung in a white shirt and black trousers ensemble, “you ready?”

“i guess, can you check if the ribbon of my dress is straight?”

heeseung steps closer to you as you puff out the sleeve of your dress so that the seam can be placed correctly. a slight tug comes from behind you as you glance at heeseung repairing the ribbon of your dress. after it’s done, he leaves the ribbon as he looks up at you, who is staring at him from the mirror, a sheepish smile on his face as he glances at your phone in your hand.

“you want to take a picture of the occasion?” he asked, gently tucking his head on your shoulder.

“if you want to,” you reply as you catch him nod his head. his hands that are on your back move forward and rest on your large pregnant belly. you took a few pictures of the two of you—something that past you couldn’t see yourself in—as you put it on your instagram story and typed the caption, “night out (+ 2)”.

“you want me to tag you too?” you peek at heeseung, who has moved one of his hands to be in front of your clavicle, seeing the black necklace adorning your skin next to the rolled-up sleeve of his white shirt and the veins protruding on his forearm.

“of course,” he said as you typed in heeseung’s username and pressed send.

“we haven’t updated much of our instagram and i surely know that our old friends will be shocked to see us together.”

heeseung’s muffled laugh comes from behind your head as you follow, wiggling yourself out of his hold as you pick up your bag and strap it on across your body. you glance at the living room that still has boxes left but with the beanbags and projector set for your usual game night set up—courtesy of heeseung’s nintendo switch—as you see his rgb light inside his pc crate lighting the dim living room by the balcony. walking to the fridge, you open its door and pull out a flask of your own lemon-infused carbonated water so you can pretend to at least be drunk for the new year’s night. you feel your coat being hanged on your shoulders by heeseung as you tuck the flask inside your bag; slipping on a pair of ballet-style shoes as you both walk down to the lobby.

“you sure we don’t have to use a car? don’t want to make you too tired…”

“yeah, i’m sure. i gotta have to stretch my body to exercise, hee.”

you were glad that it hasn’t snowed for the past few days as the pavement is all dry and safe for you to walk. the apartment complexes are close enough to each other and you want to use that as an advantage to move your body so that it doesn’t lock and make you too stiff. your fingers are interlocked with heeseung’s as he allows you to guide him through the shortcuts on your way to your old apartment; where the new year’s eve party is at.

“one last reminder: you’re allowed to drink tonight. you deserve to have a break time,” you said as heeseung glanced at you.

“then, who’ll be taking care of you tonight?”

“i can take care of myself, you doofus,” you replied to him, “and i’m most certainly could take care of you too.”

you glanced up at the apartment you moved from as you greeted the security guard, who is still greeting you even if you’re not the tenant here anymore. bringing yourself to the elevator as you press the familiar button, your eyes stare at the changing numbers on the way to your floor as it opens when you both arrive. you could hear the muffled loud voice that you’re hoping would be alright—"it’s okay! the neighbors are away for new year’s eve so we can party all we want" minjeong reassured you—as you approached the familiar door and put in the keypad: they still didn’t change it.

the door opens as you pick up the speaker playing in your small get-together with your people. you can hear the shout of yours or heeseung’s names as you slowly pull your shoes off by the door that has already littered with so many shoes of other people. the get-together is only for the seniors in hybe uni who are linked to your friend circle and, not going to lie, you didn’t expect for it to still be this many.

you see chaeryeong approaching you as she tugs your coat off before hugging you, already knowing that she is tipsy just by looking at her.

“you’ve come back, mama,” she teases you as you hug her too while you can pick up jeongin’s voice greeting heeseung with their usual bro hug. ryujin comes in as she brings a bucket of popcorn to be given to the crowd gathering by the tv that is playing a playlist of kpop songs. minjeong and sungchan come to hug you together as you find eunseok and chenle behind you.

“i’m so sad that you can’t drink.” sungchan said as he gently touched your bump. “she’s carrying my niece and nephew, of course, i don’t want her to drink,” minjeong cuts her boyfriend off as you playfully pull out your flask, making them widening their eyes before you say, “it’s just lemon soda water. i’ll be okay.”

you let them move away as you glance at yunjin, who is now using your room after you moved. she seemed to scream when she saw you as you instantly hugged her, “look at you, mommy.”

“thanks, jen.” you replied, “how’s it been living here?”

“fun as fuck. i don’t care that i only have 6 months of uni to live here but anything i would do to allow boys in my room-“ you playfully nudge her forehead as the laughs between the two of you combine with the sound of the people talking in the apartment. the boys greet you now as jimin and jeongin let heeseung talk with keeho, jiung, and theo.

“how have you been with heeseung?” jeongin asked genuinely as he got cut off by jimin, “hopefully his snore doesn’t turn you off much-“

“aish. YA! don’t cut me off.” jeongin nudges him away as jimin shows his own grin towards you as you ponder.

“he does snore, but i’m getting numb to it-“

“i don’t snore, (l/n)(y/n).” heeseung shouted from the other side of the room.

“you do!” you heard yourself, jeongin, jimin, and somebody—somewhere in the apartment—replying. knowing the strength in power, you and jeongin giggled as you continued to catch up.

“who’s having heeseung’s room?” you questioned, making jeongin pull someone out of the conversation as you see the familiar face that makes you giggle.

“yoon jaehyuk?”

“hey, (y/n)!” he hugs you as you pull back, confusion on your face.

“i thought you were still rooming with asahi…”

“ahh… yeah… so he decided to do an internship back in japan and he’s not coming here often unless so that’s why i room with the boys. gotta have to thank seung again for telling me the vacancy,” he said as you saw him smirk. you nod your head as you allow yourself to be taken by the flow of the conversation. conversing with the likes of hyeju, yerim, wonjin, and hyunsuk, before you can feel yourself getting tired as you walk towards the sofa, seeing beomgyu being left alone with one plastic cup in his hand and the other on the remote control—as if he is the music man of the night—as you can see him changing the playlist to play a sing-along playlist for songs of 2000s emo alt-rock.

“can i sit here?” beomgyu lifts his head from your question. you want to ruffle his hair for it being too messy, but knowing the aftermath of your last duo interaction, it feels totally different.

“of course,” he replied as you sat on the space beside him. he seemed to notice just how messy his hair was as he moved it so you could notice his flushed face from the drinking.

“oh yeah, apologies. you can’t drink-“

“nah, i can.” you pulled the flask out as beomgyu widens his eyes. “lemon in soda water. so that i can feel the festivity alongside all of you.”

beomgyu lets out a sheepish smile as he nudges his cup out, “cheers?”

“cheers.” you meet the cup with your flask as you both drink from it, feeling yourself sigh as you thank yourself for finding such a safe remedy so that people know you can still “drink”. but when you retreat your thoughts back to beomgyu, you can still see a familiar tinge of sadness on his face.

“what happened?” you decide to throw away any leftover feelings just so you know he is alright. beomgyu scoffed as he wanted to answer.

“i confess to ryujin and guess who got denied?” he points his thumb toward himself and you can’t help but let out a pout. you can think of so many reasons why she rejected him, but you know she might be doing that because of you and your unresolved feelings for him—especially since you’ve learned she is sexually attracted to him because they hooked up.

“you gotta have to be patient with that. she’s a demiromantic, so you have to coax her into that part of the relationship. make her trust you enough.” you decide to lecture him. many people have been trying to get with ryujin even when you both are in high school, but because of terrible experiences, you understand how she realized who she is now. you were with her through thick and thin at that time and you know that if beomgyu is the one asking her out first, it’s definitely a legit attraction from his side because ryujin remained romantically single for her nearly 4 years of college life.

“and i should tell her i gave the blessing. she might still be holding back because of me and my feelings towards you,” you say what you thought out loud, showing beomgyu just how effective his rejection is not only to you but also to himself.

“i’m sorry once again, (y/n). i shouldn’t have used you like that,” he said as you blinked your eyes, letting out a hum as your answer.

“but truly, i couldn’t reciprocate your feelings because-“

“because i’m your best friend’s baby mama. i remember.” you slice his sentence and put in your own. but you didn’t expect him to add to it more.

“yeah, that but also,” beomgyu lifted his head towards one point in the room as you followed, finally letting the sound of the fall out boy song in your hearing as you listened to heeseung singing along with it with a similar cup in his hand, taking a deserved break just for the night to let loose. that is when after he sang the high note that he caught your gaze and you see the corner of his lips tugging upwards.

“it’s heeseung too. he had never been this caring towards someone. even to his previous girlfriends where he only dated for like three months top.” he said as you can remember heeseung dating in high school and he had only had a girlfriend for like a month before they broke up. it’s a teasing material you and ryujin used and you can remember how fuming he became before beomgyu calmed him down. beomgyu’s word makes you realize something as it definitely is a fragment of the answer that he couldn’t answer when you asked him nights before.

“i have a guess that he has been having feelings towards you that he is willing to monetarily fund you throughout your pregnancy. it’s hard to find a guy like that unless he is honest and sincere.” beomgyu continued as you jumbled the words to find the answers hidden in them because—true to what the boy beside you said—if he is not sincere, he wouldn’t be leaving you alone to face this phase of your life. your mind suddenly thinks of a world when you say nothing to him about you being pregnant, letting it be a secret that he might only know after you give birth to the twins. but, you still won’t lie the sexual attraction is there to make them in the first place.

“thanks for answering the age-old question, beomgyu.”

“you’re welcome,” he said as he saw heeseung approaching the two of you. you can see with the way he has a little sway in his movement that he is definitely tipsy: nearly drunk. he pulls you up before sitting down on your previous space and tugging you down so you sit on his lap. his hand moves towards your bump and you can feel the babies reacting by kicking around the skin where he puts his palm.

“oh yeah, txt’s coming back with a gig. would love to see you both there cause we might spoil a new single for our next album.” beomgyu said as both you and heeseung stared at him.

“no shot. we’ll be there, right, hee?”

“uh huh,” he replied as you could see the cringe on beomgyu’s face, not used to seeing his best friend being disgustingly lovey-dovey towards his partner as he stood up from the couch.

“i’m gonna grab more snacks. hold the remote for me, won’t you?”

you picked the remote from his hand as you replied, “good luck on ryujin. be patient.”

“i will!” you heard beomgyu reply as heeseung’s nose seemed to distract you by tracing it against your cheek.

“what was that?”

“you know the love triangle i mentioned?” he hummed to your question.

“beomgyu got rejected by ryujin, so i was giving him tips to get into her heart romantically and i have to give a blessing to ryu if she wants to pursue him.”

“ah... that. well finally. beom’s brave enough to actually confess.”

“how is he like about her during high school?” you turn to examine heeseung as he sways your body on top of him.

heeseung chuckles before answering, “he is definitely whipped for her. he was so angry for being late to confess when ryujin suddenly got a boyfriend…”

“that guy was a bad boyfriend in the end.” you fill out heeseung’s story as he let out another hum.

“speaking of high school, i’m guessing i’m not the only that is having my phone setting off so much from the story i repost?” he squinted his eyes, making you let out a sheepish smirk.

“ooh, let’s actually see how they react!”

you and heeseung see the messages that are being exchanged of how you both are together and some congrats to the people who notice the baby bump. but still, the overwhelming census says “HOW ARE YOU TWO TOGETHER” exactly with the caps on. all you and he could do was laugh as you waited for the next year to start in just a few minutes.

the new year that you are ready to face with him.

you are rummaging through heeseung’s side of the wardrobe as you hopefully don’t want your expectation to be wrong. that he, AT LEAST, still has the uniform from the last season in his wardrobe.

heeseung left hours before to train some more for the championship finale tonight and as a former basketball player and his “partner”, you gotta have to show him support—"or i will actually kick you out" he jokingly said. you knew of his predicament so well, being the captain of the team but also as the versatile player who his teammates have to rely on. but you definitely can trust him for this because, of course, he wins against you when it comes to the basketball category.

you can feel the vibration of the notifications on your phone, telling you that your friends are here to pick you up at the arena as you let out the breath you were holding and tug your tank top lower to cover your bump. you have finally found last year’s decelis basketball uniform as you see the words “h.s. lee 01” so clearly on the back. it still smells so clean because he probably has not worn the top in a long time—but you have seen him wear the bottoms as some house clothes. you tug your head through the collar and put your hand through the sleeveless strap as you pull the top down, seeing the excess of his clothes covering the rest of your bump as it hangs on the end.

when you hear the sound of the doorbell ringing, you quickly walk to the door and open it, turning off the bell from the intercom before you are met with ryujin hugging you.

“you look sexy. i didn’t know you were that possessive, (y/n).”

“oh shush, the babies have to know that i’m also rooting for their daddy, of course. now, can you help me put on my shoes, please?”

after all of that is done and none of your things are left behind, you tuck your jacket as you enter charyeong’s large-ass van—probably from switching the car she brought from the previous semester back home during the break—as you are greeted by the whole gang when you enter with beomgyu driving and ryujin on the shotgun, noticing just how comfortable they are in conversing with each other now. you could see just how fast they’ve been getting it on as you don’t want to comment on it that much.

“tickets are with me.” jimin said in reply ryujin’s worrying scold when you let beomgyu drive the van towards the arena. you recognize the large arena from the many times you went by it, but also the distinct yellow neon color of hybe uni’s university color as it is the town’s signature arena. stepping out of the car, you felt the winter air hitting you as you and the rest are going inside the arena with jeongin holding some banners they made for heeseung that you don’t know shit about.

but the thing is: heeseung doesn’t know all seven of you will be here. because you didn’t tell him you don’t have work today when he thought you had.

well… that’ll be a major surprise for him.

you greeted a few of the juniors you recognize as the people who you worked with for in uni events or your junior in the business major. many of your peers’ juniors are also here as you discover some of them fangirling about beomgyu and how they are excited for his next album coming soon from the single they have released. even jeongin got recognized even if he is a small-time streamer. but he was raided by a bigger streamer during his subathon at the start of the year and has more collabs with the stray kids collective. safe to say he is set in his pursuit to be a streamer—"or a pro gamer if that doesn’t work," jeongin had said to you.

you recognized some of the cheerleaders as you have pretty good ties with them too when you helped one of them in bringing them to the hospital because of an injury during outdoor practice. though, you might not be as famous as your friends—you and minjeong actually—you are pleasant enough to recognize the satisfaction of your balanced socialization but also be at home watching movies with her for your 4 years of college.

“gosh, has it gone that fast?” you think to yourself. there’s a sense of melancholy towards it as you are here to do your last semester. to separate from the friends you made whilst being here as you open a new chapter, which you decided it will be with heeseung as you only have a month until your babies arrive.

the arena lights dim as you can hear the mc introducing the teams, both universities are cheering for each of their team until it’s decelis’ time.

“decelis number 1, playing in his last season before graduating, it’s lee heeseung.”

you actually let out a scream that shocked your friends as you watch heeseung coming out and stand in front of the opposite’s no. 1. then you pick up the recognizable names of heeseung’s teammates, mostly the juniors, sophomores, and freshmen, coming to take their place beside him. the names that you’ve heard so much is because of heeseung who was asking about on how to position his teammates in the right way with you—who will be ones in the court first and how can they do in facing the opponent. you actually had to use the basketball insight you haven’t used in a while to help him strategize, making you recognize just how well the players are in each category.

with his hands behind his back, heeseung’s gazes at the bleachers where the decelis supporters were. he was hoping he could see jeongin on the right side of the bleachers, but not going to lie, he wanted to see you in his game—answering the joking taunt he gave. the strategizing you help with is being taken seriously by coach min as he agrees to let the first people you helped him pick to be the one on the court first. the spotlight blinded him but he could see someone wearing darker clothing than the yellow and white colors of decelis is using this season.

as the light’s brightness increases, his eyes stay on that certain spot as he recognizes it is you. he can feel his heart pulsing swiftly when he recognizes the top you are wearing, scanning the number 1 on the front: his last season’s uniform. you stood right beside the aisle of the bleachers just three rows back from his own benches. he could definitely bring himself to you right after if he wants to.

after the players shake their hands and return to their benches, you finally notice how heeseung recognizes you as you catch his sight, but then he lets his eyes trail to the people beside you to see the gang fully completed when he actually does a face-palming motion. you turn to view the banners the boys are lifting, “DECELIS’ KAEDE! ALL OF US ARE HERE NOW!” the little inside joke that you and the girls also understand as none, and yes, none of the games heeseung played has all the gang there to watch. only this one: his final one.

heeseung steps out first alongside jaehyun, niki, jake, and sunghoon. niki is at the front as he waits for the referee to blow the whistle. he jumps and uses his long limbs to push the ball towards the decelis side as heeseung gets it and immediately passes it towards jaehyun. the screeching sounds from the shoes make the quick side stepping and pivoting be picked up as you listen to the sound of the supporters fighting against each other in how loud and united the support is. jake got the ball as he easily slips under the reach of the opponents and he halts and quickly shoots, an easy two-pointer at the start. but the opponents: they are not that easy to beat.

8 minutes in, the score is so tight at 17:15 to decelis. niki and sunghoon have such a good time as they successfully dunk an alley-oop together. jake is killing it with the lay-ups while heeseung has gotten one three-poin- wait no, make it two three-pointers as the score rises to 20:15. but you realize just how weak the defense is as you can actually hear coach min saying to focus on offense on one timeout still in the 1st quarter. and they still focusing on the offense, making the current score for the 1st quarter being 20:17.

heeseung rested out for the 2nd quarter as coach min let a few nimble ones play on the court such as jungwon and sunoo. lay-ups and shoots scored the most in this round but jay was the primary target of the opponent as he always got free throws. maybe because they just recognize how good jay is at scoring three-pointers but if he is inside near the ring, he could do a backboard bounce or even a dunk. you actually feel your body sweating as you understand just how worrisome the situation is. it makes you pull off your outer jacket as you can pick up gasps and surprises to your wearing heeseung’s uniform. you look at his side profile as you sit behind him, discussing with taesan on what to do about this as coach min seems to get taesan out after calling another time out. the score at the end of the 2nd quarter is 34:32.

“i swear to god, (y/n).” you heard minjeong said beside you, “why is this so high school musical 3 vibe?”

you actually let out a pout whilst holding your laughter, because what she’s saying is so true. during your winter break—because you and heeseung are “home”—you and him binge-watch the high school musical trilogy. the way, you remember, heeseung cackling as he watches how the bleachers sit down to show gabriella as troy was having this existential moment when they only have 16 minutes on the clock is ridiculously funny. but you can see him bopping his head to the basketball practice song that is “get’cha head in the game” that you might believe it’ll be his guilty pleasure practice song. “please, bet on it is so good though.” he also said as you watch the second movie, and how he is shocked to watch you remember the lyrics of “gotta go my own way” with how you karaoke the shit out of it. yes, both troy and gabriella’s parts.

to experience similar moments being imitated in life makes you rethink how it happens in the first place. like, no, you aren’t gabriella and heeseung isn’t troy and you both are not in high school when all of this is happening. but you’re thinking about what could’ve been. but, as many people have said, high school isn’t like high school musical.

the 3rd quarter started and you watch heeseung playing once again, focusing on his part as a forward but also helping in defending because of his tall body that can shield the hoop from the opponent. but, the morale seemed to have dimmed down as you see the way the opponent’s score now flips over decelis’ even by one point. but then the gap widens as both teams are doing well with defenses. however, decelis seemed to have some slip-ups. you can see the opponent’s player with number 2 on their back—seemingly the ace of the team—that is put in this round is turning the tides, focusing on quick motions, passes, and attacks. and just like that, the 3rd quarter ends with a score of 42:44. just one shot of difference.

and, unlike those 2000s rom-com movies you watched that have a couple with one of them being an athlete, you go down the bleachers as heeseung watches you when coach min is telling of the plan with the rest of the team. you grab his hand towel and help to dry the drops of sweat dripping down his head. a loving gesture that is hiding something as you lowly whisper to only him.

“target number 2. making him tired.”

heeseung nods his head—as if he is thinking of the same thing—when you let yourself lean in and give him a kiss on his forehead before letting the towel go so you can return to your seat. his eyes follow your retiring figure before turning towards his coach, who is tracing the board with a marker.

“i think we also have to target their number 2. if he plays.” heeseung said, making the others turn to him.

“we need someone with a wide reach and nimble enough to catch up to him. someone who hasn’t had a foul yet to stick right to him. he’s good with his lay-up but he has taken a few inside shots and misses, which means he might be weaker at free throws. so you need someone who doesn’t have any fouls who isn’t scared to bump into him when he starts doing lay-ups, then we can score through rebounds,” he stands beside coach min as he puts his forefinger on the board, tracing the path of one of the pins as he continued, “we do a two-time pass and maybe the forwards will be on standby as they can do a layup or dunk.”

the coach glances at him, rethinking of the new information the captain gave him as he nodded, “who doesn’t have any fouls?”

heeseung sees sunoo, riwoo, and leehan raising their hands as the coach continues, “i’ll be switching you up every four minutes, and remember what heeseung says: take the foul. as long as you don’t have five fouls, you are alright. we have to be brave enough to play dirty. i’ll be having taesan, sunghoon, and niki switching between each other for the center and power forward positions. jake, sungho, and jungwon will take over for point guard and heeseung, jay, and jaehyun for shooting guards, okay?”

“yes, sir!”

“team!” the coach pushes his hand in the center as the rest put their hands on top of his. coach min nods towards heeseung.

“decelis!”

“dece- dece- fighting.”

the supporters roar as he see the opponent doing the same thing to taunt them. heeseung has his eyes on their number 2 before looking back at you who is standing up as you give him a thumbs up.

10 more minutes.

1 time of 10 minutes and it is done. for heeseung, it will be the last time he played as a college basketball athlete as he will graduate later in the year. for him, it is now or never.

“heeseung,” coach min’s hand on his shoulders, “thanks for telling me about number 2.”

he lets out a smirk before answering, “you should thank my girlfriend for that.” and he walks to the court, seeing leehan placing himself right by number 2 with the ball at their side as taesan passes it to niki. niki dribbles forward as heeseung and sungho is at the front near the ring. leehan sticks by number 2 with taesan now by the ring, but niki notices how sungho is empty as two people are trying to defend taesan. he passes it towards sungho who immediately dribbles inside, not scared to move in as he finds the right path to the hoop and does a layup.

score!

heeseung pushes his hands out so he can high-five sungho as they retreat behind the center line. he notices the opponent’s forward passing to number 2 who is so fast and already in a way to do a layup where leehan pushes him, making him prematurely shoot and miss the backboard. a foul given by the referee.

heeseung stood near number 2 as he hoped his theory would come true. number 2 shoots his first free throw and misses. his eyes are on niki and taesan nearest the ring, telling them to pass the ball to him as they read his signals, nodding in return. number 2 shoots his second free throw and misses when taesan rebounds the ball and passes it to niki as heeseung runs backward to the outside of the half circle. the ball flies up as niki passes towards heeseung, who feels someone near him as he jumps and quickly pivots away from the opponent behind him. he sees the small sliver of empty space outside of the half circle and dribbles there before shooting his shot.

a three-point score!

with the opponent’s plan to use number 2 becoming a failure as there is a three-score gap in the scoreboard, the decelis team remains in the same strategy of guarding number 2 and fouling to fail their attempt to shoot. heeseung sees coach min tally up their scores when he calls for a timeout, changing all five of the players with their replacements in their assigned positions. heeseung sits down on the bench as he stretches his legs, wanting to look back to gaze at you before he feels a tap on his side to see jungwon smirking.

“girlfriend, huh?”

heeseung raises his eyebrows.

“you said to coach to thank my ‘girlfriend’, since when is (y/n) noona your girlfriend?"

“honestly, i don’t know.” he looks to find you before fully focusing on jungwon, “something just tells me that it’s correct to refer to her as that.”

“also, did she play basketball? how does she know that number 2 is their ace?”

“well…” heeseung smirks as he leans towards jungwon, basking in the way his team has found the right way of play as the gaps between the teams are getting longer and longer. jungwon also has an air of surprise when heeseung tells him that you were a former basketball player—a point guard like the boy he is talking to.

“but why did she stop?” jungwon genuinely asked, making him chuckle.

“let’s just say that she knew she wouldn’t beat me when it came to playing basketball.”

the opponent team did a timeout as heeseung said “good luck” to see jungwon now being called to play on the court. seeing jay, the three-point master playing on the court when there are 2.5 minutes of the match is done as if to terrorize them more. not only did they have riwoo who hadn’t had a foul yet, sunghoon and taesan are now playing as they have used their tall arms to defend and attack successfully, and jungwon who is ready to be the point guard. heeseung can feel the pride oozing out of him at how unstoppable his team is. coach min seems to contemplate whether to put him on or not, but heeseung shakes his head.

“let them be. it’s their chance.”

and it’s their chance indeed, as he sees the time counting down at rapid speed. when it is under the 30-second mark, the opponent successfully gives another score but they are too far from decelis as all they have to do is defend the hoop. one of them takes their last chance, watching the ball hitting the rim as sunghoon grabs it—10 seconds left—before passing it towards riwoo who is moving on the court, doing an ankle-breaking turn to his opponent before passing it to jay, who instantly shoots the ball as heeseung sees the perfect arch. he heard the siren calling the end of the game and the ball falling perfectly into the opponent’s basket.

they won.

all the decelis players approach jay on the court as they hug him, but heeseung is nowhere to be found.

instead, he jumped from the bench and climbed up the bleachers where he saw you cheering. your expression changes when you notice him approaching, a euphoric smile on his face as he grasps your cheeks and brings his lips to yours, making you instantly close your eyes as you move your hand to caress his sweaty-ass nape. you can hear the cheer of your friends beside you as you remember they were recording, making them record both of you as you felt heeseung’s hand drops to give a gentle grip on the bump.

you could see heeseung’s hooded gaze as he didn’t hesitate to crouch down and give two kisses to each side of your bump—for his two kids—before he stood up and gave you another peck on the lips.

“go down to the court!” you push him away from his celebration as he sees his team already gathering, waiting for him. he approaches the court with a sheepish smile as they seem to chuckle while seeing their captain so in love.

you wait as you eye heeseung’s figure that is being embraced by his teammates. minjeong showing you her point of view of the kiss as you can sense how passionate the two of you are; reminding her to send it to you as sit down and lean back, feeling a weight from you also falling down alongside heeseung’s.

the mc talks about who the player of this match is and the team was so excited to know that jay won for his numerous scores in the three-pointers—he deserves it after all. but he also had one more thing.

“at the end of every season, we also have the most valuable player of the season and for this year, for the third time in a row, mvp is decelis’s no. 1, lee heeseung!”

heeseung does a deep bow as he gets the mvp trophy and he sees some package for him that he could give to his teammates and bring the rest home to share alongside you. his vision looks at the mvp trophy, tracing the figure of a basketball player in action when he sees his reflections on its golden sheet surface. his smiles dropping as he can feel contempt.

“any words?” the mc asked as he was being offered the mic.

heeseung grabs the mic and rests it in front of his lips, finding the right things he will say as he utters, “i would like to thank my decelis family for being with me since i started my college basketball career, the hybe uni supporters for cheering us on, and to my friends who are here all complete with all 8 of us here.”

he sees how beomgyu seems to shrug as he wants to hide–cause beomgyu, especially, has only been to heeseung’s game once every season.

“to our opponents, you have done such a terrific job and i see you, number 2. you’re going to do so well.” said number 2 also bowed his head, knowing just how highly regarded heeseung is—one for the legends.

“this is also my last season with decelis as i’ll be graduating this year. thank you for having me and i’m sure the decelis will be in safe hands with them.” he turned towards his teammates as they looked at him with glimmers in their eyes and flatters in their hearts. heeseung gave one more deep bow before giving the mic to the mc as they waited for the medal ceremony.

heeseung could sense the festivity floating around in the locker room as he felt the hug of each of his teammates. he could see the enormous bags of snacks from the package beside him on the bench, as he knew he wouldn’t be eating them all anyway, giving it to the rest of the team as he packs a few of the little snacks in his duffle bag.

jake approaches him and asks, “so you really aren’t going pro?”

“hmm… nah… but i might be still seeing you if i got the right job to discuss college basketball.” heeseung answered as niki approached, “gosh, you are light years older than us, old man.”

“i’m only 4 years older than you, nishimura. you were supposed to be in high school if you didn’t have an accelerated class.” he nags as the others still basking in the euphoria of winning the medals. he, of course, wants to celebrate, but he has another thing to do in his mind that is much more important than celebrating with the guys.

“the victory party is tomorrow, right?” heeseung asks.

“yeah, it is hyung.” jaehyun answered, “all of us needed a rest after that shit.”

“i need a soak!” heeseung hears taesan complaining as all of them change from their shoes to their respective sandals.

“rest well then we can have fun tomorrow,” jay answers as he gently grabs his player of the match package and puts it in his duffle bag, making heeseung pat his shoulder. while preparing their bags as they left the arena to go home for the night, heeseung glanced at his phone to see the numerous notifications from social media of his victory and retirement speech before he landed on your simple notification.

(y/n) :P : i’m by your car.

he lets his feet bring him to where he parked his car hours prior, seeing you leaning against the front of it with the light of your phone shining on your face. you lifted your head as you heard the sound of his footsteps approaching. put the phone away, you brace for his hand holding onto yours, gripping you hard as he gives you a long, breath-taking kiss.

“congrats,” you say to him as his nose touches yours, bringing you in for another kiss as both of you are moving your lips around to adjust, earning a muffled moan from you as he felt your hands scouring around on his body.

“where’s your car key?” you whispered to him as you saw him shake his head, making you frown.

“if you genuinely want to take me tonight, you have to be strong. let me drive, heeseung,” you asked with your voice tone lower, making him flow into a dazed state as he zips open the front of his duffle bag and dropped the car key in your hold, making you push past him as you open the driver’s seat. heeseung instinctually walks to the backseat as he places the bag in the center. the sound of the car engine starts after you push the start button. heeseung closes the door and gets in the passenger door as you still adjust your seat. you knew you wouldn’t see your legs, but driving is a muscle memory thing so you hoped it would kick in you.

from your perspective—and because you have a smaller car—his car is massive. but as you adjust all the mirrors to your liking and with the new sensors on the side mirror to help detect blind spots, heeseung’s car is definitely more technologically advanced than yours.

moving the gear to drive, the car stumbles forward as it pulls out of the arena’s lot with headlights switched all the way on. heeseung has his seat leaning back, cannot wait on what he’ll get and be getting back at your home as he places his hand on your thigh.

why is the elevator ride so long?!

you stare at the rising number with both of your hands behind you, not even minding slipping on the coat that you were wearing because you can feel how hot heeseung’s touches are the whole time you’re driving back to your apartment.

speaking of heeseung, you took a peek from the corner of your eyes to see him staring at you, not breaking away as he trails behind you after parking the car in the basement and going to the elevator. both of you in your decelis’s lee heeseung basketball paraphernalia when you can feel the tension steadily building. because you know from the hooded eyes he gave you in that arena that he wants to celebrate his last victory with you.

the sound of the medal hanging on his chest creating thuds that harmonically tie with both of your footsteps. none of you said anything as heeseung lets you lead the way to your shared apartment. you can still imagine the distinct image of when you turn your head towards heeseung to see him biting his lip lower lip under the shining red traffic light, teasing you throughout the drive as he trails his hand up and down your thigh, closer and then farther to your core.

you can sense him leaning his figure on the wall beside the door, enclosing you with his body as you type in the keypad to unlock the door. the ringing chime tells both of you that the door is unlocked as you push open, already swiftly pulling your shoes off because you just know that it might slow you down with whatever you’ll be doing if you take your time. tugging your bag off of you as you walk and drop it with your coat on the nearest beanbag, the eerie silence makes you alert on every step you take.

“heeseung-“

you felt your body being turned around as heeseung pushed you to the wall. your breath being taken away by the small thud as he pushes his lips to yours, finally showing that passion he is holding back when he gives you his victory kiss. his hold on your cheek is gentle, but the way his lips mesh and move against yours is the opposite. you can feel the desperation and pent-up emotions flowing out, maybe because that’s one reason you never heard of him hooking up with someone as you can sense the frustrating grit of not getting off showing in his performance during his ball game.

your hands reach for his back as you playfully caress and tug the hair falling on his nape, making him gasp and let out such a hot low-toned chuckle before slipping his tongue into your gaping lips, exploring your mouth and trying your best to hold you close. to hold you and both of your babies close to him. he leans back and lets his forehead and nose caress against yours. both of your eyes close as you bask in his touch.

“you look so fucking good in my uniform.” he pecks your lips before giving kisses all over your face.

“your uniform is so comfortable to wear,” you reply as he groans, trailing his hand down your sides before resting by your waist with the bump, gripping it hard.

“all of my babies look so beautiful in wearing what’s mine.”

his words making you giggle as you grip his chin to make your lips connect, biting lightly on his pouting lip as you can sense his hands now underneath your top, feeling his touches on the skin that is two layers deep of tank top and bra you are wearing.

“sorry, kids. but i just have to thank your mom for sticking right by me,” he says a bit loudly as he caresses the bump before his hands move to your hips and thighs, lifting it up and making you gasp as you can feel how you are slightly lifted off of the floor.

“heeseung, aren’t we too heavy-“

instead, he lifts you higher against the wall and you can feel your top being dragged by it. cutting your words off as he connects his lips and grinds his crotch against yours.

“i can definitely lift heavier than you, woman. believe me and wrap yourself around me so i can ravage you.”

“shut the fuck up, you aren’t a literature student.” you giggle at his uncalled pretty words when you wrap your legs and arms around him, taking all three of you with him to your shared bedroom that is only being lit up by the orange-tinged lamp—making the entire atmosphere a bit more romantic. you try to move your weight to help him balance before he drops you down in front of your shared bed.

linking his lips with yours once again, his touches becoming more vulgar as he is not embarrassed to touch your breasts, making you gasp as you caress the exposed side of his uniform to feel the ridges of his ribs. his hands are raised as you tug his uniform off of him. the last time you looked at him this way was that night you two fucked and he look a bit more ripped than 8 months before—his muscles seemingly thicker from the workout he had to endure to maintain his body. his biceps and triceps are more pronounced from dribbling and shooting the ball to the basket as you can feel the cool traces of his skin because of his sweaty sheen meeting the cold weather. your lips trail from his to underneath his jaw, giving little suck as you trace them to his pronounced clavicle, remembering his sensitive nipples from the last time as you can hear his small moans from the combination of light pinching and sucking that blooms small but many amounts of your marks on him.

you turn both of your figures as you sit on the bed whilst heeseung peers down; him shaking his head at realizing what you're doing as you trace your fingertips on his abdomen.

“it’s your fucking victory, heeseung. you deserve it,” you mumbled as you give a kiss to his growing cock before tugging the band of his underwear down, seeing it bounce up in its semi-erect glory. you didn’t hesitate to spit on your palm and wrap your hand around it, stimulating his tip as he could feel the shivering spreading in his body.

“fuck-“ he spoke near a whisper as he leans his head back, showing the expanse of his neck from your position because you also can’t wait to ravage it with your marks. one hand stroking him and the other stimulating his own balls, he hisses as he felt your warm mouth taking him in, making him looking down to see you with your eyes close as you wet him, opening your eyes as you move your head back to examine his cock glistening with your saliva. his hand caressing softly of your hair as you continue to take him.

“ah hah…” heeseung moans as he has one hand on your head and another by your cheek, feeling it hallowing as you take him. the way you gag before pulling back as you cough makes him lean down to kiss your spit-covered lips before you push him away as you take his dick in your mouth once again. you can sense him getting longer and thicker as the blood flows into his dick when you push him deeper into your cavern once again, feeling the tip of your nose brushing his pelvis as you heard his groan getting louder, making you moan as it also stimulates him more.

the hand that was pushing your head suddenly pulled you away as heeseung went down on his knees to connect your lips, making him taste his own pre-cum that was ever-flowing as he felt the sliver of skin when both of your tank tops rested just above your belly. he lifts both his uniform and your tank top underneath off of your body as he is met with you in your black maternity bra and your bump where you have been incubating his kids for the last 8 months.

“ah…” you moan out as heeseung’s hand caress your sensitive nipple while he focuses on kissing your bump and the stretch marks it produces. he remembers clearly how you are always wearing the skin lotion that could help with your stretch mark after showering before going on your bed, making him stare at you who is in front of the mirror as he sees you gently spread the remedy on your skin. he also remembers how your face sometimes falls as you see the thick stretch marks, making him also pull out a little frown.

“you’re so fucking beautiful.” you heard his muffled words against where your stretch marks at as you reached behind you to unclasp your bra, letting your girls breathe as you try to rub them as you sensed how tender they are. dr. park said that it’s because you are on your way of producing milk and it is very normal to feel it so tender and full.

putting your hands behind you to support you upright while you push your upper body towards the bed, heeseung’s hand playfully snaps your underwear band before tugging it down along with your socks, taking in your naked self that he couldn’t help but think even in such situations as when he is practicing and even during the doctor's appointment as he sees you getting your ultrasound done.

“lay down for me,” you caught his voice as you turned your body and stretched to get a pillow so you could support your head. his touches and kisses litter your thighs as you feel his fan of breath on your moist core that dripping down your essence. you felt one of his fingers picking the dropping pre-cum before pushing into your opening.

you can’t see him from this angle—the baby bump not allowing you—as you can only feel and listen to what he is doing to you. the finger pushes past the opening and you can hear him let out an exhale from the way your walls engulf him.

“how are you still so fucking tight?” heeseung seemed to also wonder as he felt his finger being covered in your natural lubricant, hearing you say from the bed.

“it feels so wrong to fuck people when i’m pregnant with your child.”

“me as well.” your eyes widen as you hear his nonchalant confession before you can feel him pushing in and out his sole finger from your core. that is when you feel the wet muscle of his tongue flicking your clit before giving the nub its own suck. your legs curl as you put your legs on top of the mattress, making him groan as he pulls your hips so your legs don’t have anything to support on before he lets you wrap them around his shoulders.

your bump doesn’t allow you to tug on his hair as he deliciously devours you, making you grab onto your sheets until your knuckles turn white while one of the hands stimulates your lips to make it seem like he is kissing you. another moan is out of you as heeseung adds another finger and interchanges his fingers and tongue into your hole. you can feel yourself getting tight as the band of your stomach is so close to being snapped.

“i’m going to fucking cum-“ you said in such a raspy voice as heeseung doesn’t stop, teasingly adding a third finger as you feel the band snap and you cumming on three of his fingers, making it much easier for him to penetrate you when you heard him hum as he licks the spillage from your cum. the sound of his heels planting on the floor makes your breath hitch as he rises from the floor, wiping the corner of his mouth as you can’t help but giggle and roll your eyes.

“take me like this.” you moved the pillow from your head to your hips as heeseung stood in between your legs that he was holding in both of his hands before leaning it against his torso. you can finally feel the head of his cock as it nudges your entrance, making you roll your eyes back as he kisses the calves of your outstretched leg against his body. when you sense his head pushing to stretch your lower lips, you let out a huge exhale and feel your arousal slowly being satisfied. your natural lubricant easily takes him in as he moves his body forward. both of your jaws slack as you sense him inside you, making you feel full once again after a long time.

“you’re so tight, mama,” he spoke in such a pet name that you could feel your warm face getting warmer with the rush of blood. heeseung’s gentle touches contrast with the rough ones he gave during your one-night-stand as he is reminded of the babies now existing between the two of you. you nodded your head as you reached for his hand that was gripping your waist, making him move in and out of you at a faster pace.

“fuck, you make me full, daddy.” you see how heeseung grins as he continues to thrust into you. he has his lips move from fully open to biting as he looks at your face reacting to each movement, wanting to kiss your delectable lips but knowing that he can’t because he doesn’t want to press up his kids. so, he lets his body move that thought to how he thrust in you and feeling how you reacted to that. your legs curling from the sensation as he moves his hand to your boob, groping it as you grab the hand to lock it with yours. you let out similar doe-like eyes like what he usually shows as you let out a raspy sound every time he plunges deep inside.

with your mind slowly floating from your head, you can feel the dizziness associated with laying down on your back for too long as you let your fingers out from his and wrap them around his wrist, hard.

the tight grip alerts heeseung as he sees you trying to push yourself up to sit down. pulling himself out as you felt the air in your gaping hole from his thick dick, you sit on the bed and grab his cheeks to bring his lips to yours. finally tasting him once again as you both tease the heck out of each other when both of you bite your respective bottom lips to make you both counter with something else. heeseung doesn’t hesitate to let his teeth bite your bottom lips before you let your tongue slip in and push into his mouth so you can battle each other.

letting him go and with a push so he steps away, you turn your body around and fold your body as you rested both of your feet on the ground and your upper body on the bed. your belly hanging from the suspension as you present yourself to heeseung who is groaning behind you.

“look at you, nasty girl who is slutting yourself for me,” he words out as you feel his slap on your ass, making you wiggle your hips.

“i’m your fucking slut, hee,” you said with your head turning towards him, a smile growing on your face as you felt the familiar sensation of his head plunging through your lower lips. you lean your head down on the pillow as he drives into you, making you let out a muffled moan as heeseung traces his hand down your spine.

“my slut who allows me to breed her.” you moan out as you listen to how his breeding kink is coming back. your belly jiggles along with each thrust as you lay your head on the pillow, turning your head to the side to watch your hand forming a fist before a hand reaches down to open the curled up fingers and place it down flat on the mattress: his hand enveloping yours as he curls his fingers into you. you can feel breathing against your ear as heeseung bites into your shoulder, marking you down as his while his thrust doesn’t stop.

“i’ll gladly breed you again and again.”

“fuck, daddy.”

“yeah, you like what daddy tell you, mama?”

you hummed as heeseung had his other hand pressing down your upper back so you could feel his tip kissing your cervix that is protecting your babies. yet, it still stimulates you so much that heeseung sees tears falling down the corner of your eyes, licking it up with his tongue.

“don’t hold back, shit, breed me, hee.”

heeseung—excited—grasps underneath both of your elbows as he pulls your limp body back, making you arch towards him as he makes his pace faster. your head leans back as you can’t even close your jaw, silent screaming coming out of you as he takes you in its entirety. you feel his lips kissing your head before you limp forward to let your head hang as he rests his own just behind your nape.

“you’re taking me so fucking well, (y/n). body just for me.”

he spoke as you felt your walls clamping up against him when his kisses contrasted with his thrust. heeseung feels your body trembling as he reaches his hand around to rub your clit, making you squirm once again as you mumbled, “c-cum…”

“cum for me, baby.” that is followed by your exasperated, pornographic moan as you can see white flashes while you cum, feeling heeseung’s thrust slowing down as he wraps his hand across your body now. with his own moans entering your ear, you can feel his cum staining your walls. both of you have to slow down to breathe well when you felt him kiss your shoulder blades before he pulls out, making a few of both of your cum fall down to the floor and trail down your thighs.

yet, your libido is still ongoing as you tug on his hand that is wrapped around your body. you turned around between his arms, thighs closing in on each other as you kissed his swollen lips so none of your essences would fall out again—because of your kink.

“sit down against the headboard for me,” you whisper against his lips before lazily kissing him once again as you let go to see him climbing on top of your shared bed and resting right in the middle of it. sheets already crumpled as he rearranged the pillows for his head and back on the headboard. his legs are stretched out in front of him and his arms resting behind his head. his face tells you to take him like he takes you, especially with his cock that is getting erect once again after seeing your hungry eyes.

you slowly crawl up to him on your hands and knees and widen your legs to slot him in between you. in the kneeling position, you crawl to his lap as his hands shoot to grab your waist, helping you as you grip his thick cock in your hand and bringing him to your entrance, slowly sinking down as your hands move to grip his upper arms. with such a fast pace coming from the last round exhausting both of you, you wanted to make this one slow—reminiscent of the unspoken tiebreaker between you two when you can feel a different feeling you have of him from the familiar ones you always get when you argue the hell out of each other. that feeling has bloomed throughout this journey as labels changed in so many turns and iterations. and here you are, sitting with heeseung inside of you, just taking in your feelings for each other as your zen mindset comes back to the ones you usually have during your daily ritual.

your hands wrapped around his back as you slowly move against him, not breaking eye contact even with how good the feeling of him rearranging your walls again, feeling every ridge of him against you. this position finally allows him to caress your body more, allowing his hand to softly soothe your bump as he can’t imagine how shocking this might have been for the babies. it allows him to hold on to your growing breasts that are producing milk for them, making you hiss as you continue to let him message them so that they’re not too stiff. it allows him to lean forward and kiss your own swollen lips with his, seeing the excess of your eyeshadows being smeared by your tears from how hard and delicious he had fucked you. it allows him to make hickeys on you, indent from bite marks alongside the skin turning dark littering the neck and collarbone, showing people you are his. it also allows you to do the same, creating abstract art between the two planes of his skin from the promise you made to yourself.

when he leans back to rest his upper body against the headboard, you ask him the dreaded question—not even slowing down your pace as you still continue to move.

“what are we?”

heeseung stops you from moving, knowing the severity of the question as he seems to read your face. you could see his adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed down, all of your senses seemed to become so hypersensitive that even you could feel the small pinprick of pain in your skin cells at the way heeseung broke it to create one hickey on your neck. you see his eyes darting to different points of your face, also trying to read what you’re thinking.

“from the rivals to future parents to fake dating, i, i can’t pinpoint one.” you tried to voice out your answer, making heeseung seem much more comfortable in doing his bid.

“i refer to you as my girlfriend multiple times since it’s easier for naïve people to understand. but, i agree with you 100% that defining us.” he points between the two of you, “it’s hard.”

“hmm…” you nodded your head before lolling to the side, moving your hips so slowly just so that you also don’t make limbs too numb. “well, do you actually like me?”

“like you?”

“romantically, do you?” you let out a pout that makes him poke his finger to your cheek before you return it by scowling. it takes long for him to reply. a few breaths are taken and leave as you also allow yourself to match his rhythm as you slowly chase both of your highs. the way your facial changes expresses what emotions you are feeling: wonder from the way your eyes seemed to sparkle, fear as he sees that light dimming down, anger at how long he replied as he sees you wanting to poke tongue to your cheek. it switches even in such a minuscule way. but heeseung got to be reminded as to why he didn’t stop you or himself from following on this path.

“i do like you like that. romantically.”

you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, feeling the weight transfer to yours as you think of the past months, the ever-changing label, and the ever-changing feelings you have for him.

“me too. i do like you like that too.” you start to move faster as your grip on his torso tightens, “but calling us boyfriend and girlfriend will be too inappropriate cause we don’t have dates.”

“what about when it’s just the two of us?”

“the appointments, really heeseung?” you can see his smile widening, “you call those dates?”

“i can call that a date because we usually eat after each appointment,” he answers with the right vigor as you change the way you see. that, hey, maybe they are dates.

that’s when you laugh right in front of him, “we’re really doing it backward. the have-a-baby to can-i-have-this-date route.”

heeseung also laughs at your new phrasing, trying to define what your relationship is as he helps move your hips faster with his hold. yet, not wanting to make you two seem so haggard to discuss something so vulnerable.

“maybe companionship is the right word,” he said, lifting his hand to brush away the hair that is sticking to your skin. he sees you gnawing your lips as you nod, bringing him to your embrace as you move faster, feeling his shortness of breath by your skin as you nip on his earlobe.

“companionship is a great phrase,” you sense heeseung’s head nodding beside your own head. yet, you continue, “but i’m also ready to fall in love with you.”

heeseung pulls your chest off of his as he looks into your eyes, your lips parted as you breathe out, not wanting to stop because you can feel just how tight your walls are sticking onto him. he leans his head close to you, rubbing his forehead on yours as he brushing his nose tip with yours, one of his hands moving from your hip to your belly that is carrying his children. your children.

our children, heeseung corrects himself.

“i’m also ready. if you let me,” he replied, making you nod your head as you leaned forward to connect your lips to his. he leaned back and brought you along so he could sit against the headboard, helping to hold your hips as he helped his hips move to chase down both of your climaxes. you stare at each other in proximity, a smile growing on your face as you kiss his temple, enveloping him in your arms.

“i’m close-“ your breath hitches as he doesn’t stop. you helped by rubbing your fingers to your clit as your mouth widen, a silent moan coming out of you as you kiss him while you heard his muffled groan, feeling your walls a tad bit relaxed as he rides your climax and chasing his own. his grip on you is so tight that you can sense the weight of gravity that seems to bring you and him down, feeling his release within your walls as it drips onto his lap. you lap his lips with your tongue like before when heeseung then connect it with his, pouring out the remaining unspoken emotion you felt for each other before you both retreated, feeling his breath combining with yours.

“whose gonna shower first?” he asked.

“of course you. you are so grimy it’s actually disgustin-“

he pushes you so you fall from his lap and land on the empty space on the bed, making it easier for you to push him out as he had tired you, body and soul. as you see his butt naked self walking towards the bathroom outside of your room, you still think that you can’t believe he calls you his and how he allows you to call him yours.

5. that's our lamp and that's where you love us

you know that you’ll not be getting the whole 40 weeks of pregnancy experience when you have twins. average twins are born in week 37 to 38. well… you are now in week 36 and you just want the babies to come out!

the braxton hicks contraction is driving you crazy as you can see heeseung panicking beside you whenever it comes. with the postponement of your internship—allowed by the uni—you just want the babies to come as fast as possible that you might want to come to the hospital so that dr. park can break your water. heeseung sits beside you, letting out his hee hee hoos as you follow along with the exercise before you change your sitting position to feel it disappear.

“another fucking braxton hicks, goddamnit.”

heeseung can only shake his head, seeing his companion wanting to let it end and actually getting crankier every day when it is getting closer to the due date. he has been helping with the living situation, especially when it comes to cooking based on the recipes ryujin gave to him when you just seemed to not be able to cook anymore because of the sudden contractions. but your appetite is getting lower because you don’t have the thought of it with the pain you are in. he has tried contacting the doula for questions but her answer is to try to calm you down and make you relax. or to distract your crankiness towards something else. for him, his answer is mario kart 8.

“can it get any faster?” you are practically screaming as you sit on the beanbag with heeseung sitting on his own. the projector between you projecting his pc’s desktop of mario kart 8 as you race through maple treeway track.

“babe, we’re already in 200cc. you’ll get a bullet bill and it’s going to be okay.”

“i fucking know,” you answered, but he didn’t reply as hard because he knows that it was just your hormone reaction. you can watch your wiggler racing through the position as the number rises. the box on the corner shows that you’ve gotten a star and you don’t hesitate to use it; making the likes of donkey kong, mario, and baby bowser bounce out of the way as you are approaching heeseung’s yoshi who is in 1st place. going up the half-pipe of the maple treeway track is when you get the three red shells by being in 3rd place, knocking princess peach out of 2nd place as this is the final and tiebreaker course for both of you.

you almost want to press to throw your red shell when you see a blue shell flying, aiming towards heeseung.

“blue shell!”

“oh fuck-“ heeseung can’t avoid it as the blue shell hits him while he is gliding to the last section of the course, making you fly past him as you have the red shell prepare to throw backward. you quickly drive above the tree roots and throw your red shell behind you, hitting heeseung one last time before crossing the finish line.

“YES!”

you cheer from your beanbag as you lean back, feeling it soften your impact as you close your eyes and rub your face with your hands. you can hear heeseung’s voice when he tells you “good game”.

“gg to you as well, babe,” you replied, feeling yourself much more relaxed than ever as you felt the fake contraction gone.

but that’s also when you feel your crotch is wet.

as you see the projector showing you the trophy of your win, you don’t hesitate to plunge your fingers in between your thighs inside your pants as you can feel the overwhelming wetness coming out of you.

“heeseung?!”

“what? you’ve won-“

his eyes gaze at your glistening fingers to your shocked yet measured face.

“it’s time.”

“it’s time?” heeseung asked, his mind’s wiring not right as he saw you standing up, wobbling from your weight. but he also sees the front of your crotch all wet and the beanbag being the collateral damage.

“oh fuck, it’s time- okay.”

he rapidly moves to the babies’ room where he already has the bags packed for your hospital trip as you turn off his nintendo switch. he helped you wear one of his sweatpants to cover the stain as he brought you out of your apartment and brought you to the elevator. you can feel one contraction coming as you hold on to the elevator wall, eyes on your phone as you count the seconds in your head.

“40 seconds…” you mumbled as you arrived in the basement, “remember it’s 40 seconds…”

“yeah yeah. stay here, i’ll bring the car to you.” heeseung ran towards the car as you stood there, eyeing the phone as you called dr. park to tell her you were on your way to the hospital. you can hear the ringing of the phone by your ear before the call is picked up.

“hi, (y/n). i was just going to go back home-“

“my water broke, and, and, we’re on our way to the hospital.”

“oh my- okay, we’re having the room prepared for you.”

“thank you.” you hang up the call as you then move to call haseul when you hear the wheel skid in front of you as heeseung helps you in the car before scurrying away to the hospital.

“how’s your contraction?” you hear her ask.

“it’s in 40 seconds and- ugh…” you can feel another contraction coming as heeseung takes one glance at you before going to the road. you see the minute from the clock on the center dashboard of the car console as you mentioned to haseul, “10 minutes.”

“you’re in early labor. i’ll meet you at the hospital, okay?”

“great, thank you.”

heeseung had his eyes on the road as he overheard you calling your parents and his parents, not stopping until he had parked in front of the ICU to call one of the staff.

“my girlfriend’s in labor.” he voices out in panic, seeing a few staff gathering around you as heeseung leaves you alone to park the car.

you were brought into the vicinity by a wheelchair as you mentioned your name to the receptionist. recognizing your name, one staff told you that your hospital room is currently in preparation as two nurses come to take care of you. the nurse brings you to the room as you are greeted with dr. park who is asking you for your contraction, which you have counted to make you sane as you can feel the expanding pain across your body now.

“last time, it was 40 seconds and 10 minutes. the last contraction is 35 seconds-“

“okay, okay. let me check your dilation okay? your bathtub is being prepared as well as the midwives,” the doctor said, making you nod your head as she helped undress you and put you in the hospital gown.

now you understand why people want a fast and safe labor. it fucking hurts as hell, like a tiger munching away through your hip joints kind of hurt—not that you have experienced it yourself, but any kind of hyperbolic phrase you could think of cannot compare to this amount of pain. you had no other choice but to exaggerate because this is the most pain you have ever felt in your life.

“3 cm in dilation…” dr. park mentioned as you see one nurse helping you with checking your pulse when you feel yourself getting another contraction, sensing your womb’s clenches so hard against itself.

“8 minutes…” you voiced after looking at your phone. the doctor nodded her head as she went out of the room to check on the other things for your active labor. the nurses helping in prepare the room as you asked one of them, “when is it the right time to move to the tub?”

“usually when you’re in active labor, it’s 10 cm in dilation. but we can put you in the tub by 7 cm,” she answered rapidly, preparing the machines near you for later as you are prepared to go to your waterbirth room soon. you hear the swift footsteps approaching your room from outside as you see haseul alongside heeseung there. he instantly drops the bags to the side as he grabs your face, giving you a few kisses to pacify you as you can actually see tears also running down his face.

“what’s the dilation?” haseul questioned, furrowed eyebrows showing as she sees your body curling up from the pain.

“3 cm,” you replied, holding onto heeseung as you could feel another contraction incoming.

“we have to make her dilate faster cause she’ll be going into active labor in minutes now. can you dance with her, heeseung? just slowly.”

“i’ll try,” he said as he held you by your waist, swaying you from side to side as you heard him hum a song.

ever since your revelations towards each other, most of your time has been spent with him. sometimes you even dance around in your living room just because you want to, letting him know the mitski songs you have inherited in your mind and heart. how you also cathartically sing to them as heeseung has to take in the lyrics, because of how complex it is with its layers of analogies and metaphors. though slower, you let him guide you into a state of lull as your face shows him just how in agony you are to him.

heeseung feels guilty as fuck seeing you like this, knowing that you are the only one who holds onto the pain to deliver his children. he had wished there is some technology out that could let him share the pain to help alleviate yours because seeing you only mumble out words as haseul help you sip on your sippy cup while trying to make you ready is hard to look at. heeseung holds you so close, feeling your body quivering as you let out another moan from another contraction. with haseul beside you, she helps in counting down the contraction while the nurse you asked for information is standing by as they will help in checking your dilation. he could help distract you by nipping your earlobe as you gaze at him, making him caress your face so softly when he can hear the vibrating phone coming from his and yours as your family and friends are on their way to the hospital.

“6 cm.” the nurse checked your dilation as haseul added, “50 to 60 seconds every 4 minutes. do you wanna go to the tub, (y/n)?”

“yes, please.” you take a sharp intake as the nurse helps to bring you to the waterbirth labor room. haseul walks beside you as she elaborates on a few more important things because she can’t be with you during it as it is only family, talking to both you and heeseung.

“since you’re going to have twins, they’re will be a 3 to 30-minute interval between your labor. i’m hoping that after baby 1 is born, you can push out baby 2 immediately if the midwife gives you the ready sign to know if the baby is positioned correctly. we will be more concerned with baby 2 and we can give you an option to do partial waterbirth so you can birth no. 2 outside the tub. luckily, the midwives here have numerous water birth experiences and have the skill to give birth to multiples with water birth. will that be okay for you?”

“most definitely okay,” heeseung replied for you as the nurse sped to the room first when he stopped haseul, “how can i help?”

“when it comes to water birth, the midwives usually allow the partner to step inside the tub to help them. an advantage for the partner that normal or caesarian birth doesn’t give. are you okay with being in the tub with her?”

“i’m okay with that.” heeseung doesn’t hesitate to reply, making haseul taps his shoulder as she tells him to call him when you’ve given birth before she is leaving. heeseung watches the woman who has helped both of you so much walking away before bringing himself to you once again.

inside the labor room, he could see the hecticness of the midwives and nurses as they helped to pull your gown off your body, leaving you in your bra as he saw dr. park giving you an injection in your lower back before turning towards him.

“this is anesthesia to help her feel less pain. are you here to be with her?”

he nodded before saying his complete answer, “please let me in the tub with her…”

“of course, you can. we can help bring you water and such for her.” dr. park said as the nurses seemed to pick up what she was saying—already on their way to prepare for the stuff that can help him and you. heeseung walks to where you are, seeing one midwife checking your dilation before nodding her head to the doctor. he takes off his top and lets his shorts on as you feel his touch from behind you, seeing him stepping inside as well after you.

“slowly…” he whispered to your ear as you tilt your head to him, seeing him guiding you to kneel into the bathtub.

“hi…”

“hey,” he replied to your weak greeting.

“i don’t think you want to join me in the tub. it could get bloody and it’ll be pretty disgusting.” you slur out your words as heeseung sees the midwives preparing on the other side of the tub. both of you kneel as you feel the water rising to your waist before he is the one laying down first, tapping his thighs so you can sit down on them.

“i’ve seen you bloody before when you got a nosebleed after i threw the basketball too hard at you and we have showered together before. this definitely will be the highlight of our relationship,” heeseung jokingly said before tugging you into his embrace, feeling your body shaking as another contraction is currently ongoing.

“remember your hee hee hoos, babe,” he whispered to your ear as you nodded, the midwives checking in on you as you are now in active labor.

“i will signal you to push when it is time, miss (l/n). do your breathing exercise,” the midwife says beside you as you see dr. park in her surgeon outfit, ready to help you as best as she can. your tired eyes are now wide open as you feel a surge of force within you from hearing what she said, enough force that turns into strength as you have one mission blaring in your mind.

to deliver your babies as safe as possible.

“okay, when you feel your muscles contracting, count down and push okay?” you nodded your head as you felt heeseung kissing your temple to soothe you. his eyes full of admiration as he can see your face being alive once again. you grunt as you feel the contraction—starting your breathing exercise.

“this one is a push. 1, 2, push.”

you let out a scream as you can feel the movement from underneath you, trying your best to push with your might as you can feel the weird sensation of pushing out like you were called by nature. but this, now this actually hurts.

“good job, two more pushes. ready when you are,” the midwife continues as two of them inspect from the side. heeseung has his lips near your ear. you can hear him whisper.

“they’re almost here, you can do it, (y/n).” his voice sounded so soft, rather low timbre as he helped you relax.

you’ve gone through the next two pushes, and are now on a pause as you awaited your next contraction before pushing again and again. right now, you feel both the most powerful and most helpless you have ever been. everything depends on you and the way your body’s primal instinct kicks in as you just want baby no. 1 to get out. blood has mixed with water as your mucous plug broke making you feel helpless once again because you are the only one being able to deliver the birth. all the others—including the midwives, dr. park, and heeseung—are there to support you in your painful moment. that’s when you feel it, the dreaded ring of fire that haseul has told you about.

you let out such a primal scream that you can feel your voice box getting sore as the ring of fire burns with your skin stretching from it, hearing the midwives and doctor talking about the crowning as heeseung focused on giving you water to drink from behind you. he could only be there as a hand to hold from you, feeling your nails breaking through his skin as he also bleeds. but he has all his focus on you.

the burning hurts so bad but when you feel the big part coming out from one final push, the rest feels like a slug as you see one of the midwives have their gloved hands inside the crimson water. your head leans back against heeseung’s shoulder as he sees the other midwife bringing the surgical scissor when he sees a blurry small silhouette of a grayish being. the other midwife immediately clamps the cord that is hanging out of your canal as you are reminded of how twins share a placenta.

heeseung’s eyes seemed too focused on the small figure being carried away when he felt your trembling body slow as the other midwife pressed her hands up against your belly, feeling if baby 2 was in the right position or not. the midwife gave him a nod as he looked down to see you nearly passed out; your eyes were blurry as you looked at the shining light from above you before it was covered by his face.

“you’re doing so well, baby. one more left,” he said as he eased to pivot your head, letting his lips placed against you as you could feel yourself waking up. that and the loud sound of a baby crying as you and heeseung look towards the source. seeing the crowd opens up as the midwife and dr. park helps examine the baby to see if they’re healthy. he can hear your exasperated laugh as you let out such a wide smile that makes his heart calm, making him rub your bump carefully as he also stares at the location of where his baby is.

the midwife responsible for them approaches you with a bundle in a towel, making your weak body sit up as you carefully position your hands so that she can put the baby into your hold. when you look at them, you can’t control your tears as the midwife helps to push the towel to let your skin touch the baby’s.

“it’s the boy…” the midwife says as the other ones are talking with the doctor about your second twin’s condition. his eyes are open and you can’t help but coo when you look at him, hearing his cry calming down when he senses your skin. the color coming to his skin as you heard heeseung gasp from behind you while you felt your heart beating faster as you watched his little face. heeseung’s head rested on your shoulder as both of you were speechless.

his head nudges to yours as you can feel the familiar contraction building up once again. your head already has one thing in your mind as you stare at baby no. 1. that you are going to deliver his sister as safe and clear as he is.

“she’s sleeping right now.” heeseung said as he turned around to see you sitting with your back leaning against the lifted upper half of the hospital bed, suspending you as you unconsciously hold on to both of your babies who are resting their cheeks against your skin.

your parents and his parents arrived on time when the nurses escorted your sleeping self to your room. heeseung beside the two incubators with a towel around his torso, gazing at the two newborn babies as they move around and wiggle their limbs, seeing their chubby cheeks as they gaze around the room with both confusion and wonder. to see the light outside of your womb for the first time while the nurses and midwives check their conditions and record them as part of society. he sensed his mom’s hand wrapped around his shoulder, hearing her sniffles as she cooed at the baby.

“be patient, dearest. you’ll be brought to your mama soon,” he recalls hearing his mom say while her son can only stare at them, a smile urging to come out as he can feel the tears of joy forming once again.

turning to face the people, he watches the faces of his friends gazing at their new niece and nephew with various versions of happiness—some including tears. he sees ryujin having both arms behind chaeryeong, who is looking giddy, and minjeong, who is snorting into the tissues she’s holding.

“what are their names?” he hears jimin say, seeing his rare pout as he eyes all three of the sleeping figures.

“we’ve decided on it and we named them siwoo and siah,” heeseung replied with the names you and he had chosen together nearly two weeks before their arrival.

“lee siwoo and lee siah…” minjeong mumbles out, hearing the pitch of her voice rising before she weeps once again to her tissue, making ryujin tug her head to the crook of her neck.

“how are you feeling, hee?” jeongin innocently asked before beomgyu cut him off.

“what do you mean ‘how is he feeling’? he’s freaking crying,” the boy pointed out as heeseung sensed the dried tear tracks on his cheeks before another set seem to threaten to fall. yet, it is still vague for them to actually read what they meant.

“aww, heeseung…” chaeryeong coos as heeseung walks to the extra bed beside yours and sits down, rubbing the areas near both of his eyes with his hands as he felt chaeryeong sits beside him and soothing him down with a hand on his back—he now understands why you seem to love chaeryeong’s hugs so much. he bites his bottom lip to hold himself to not let a tear fall again. yet he failed once again when he looks up to see you holding both of your babies in your arms.

“i’m so fucking proud of her and i just feel awful that she’s the only that could feel that immense amount of pain,” he said his truth, wiping the tears with the hand that has a bandage brandishing his lower arm from the scratch you gave him as you gave birth. the only physical evidence of your pain that he can fully feel. chaeryeong’s soothing hand continues to calm him down as he senses another weight sitting by his side when a hand comes to push him closer to that side, smelling the familiar fragrance of beomgyu as he tucks heeseung’s head to his crook while he lightly messaged his arm.

“you’re going to be the best dad, hee,” beomgyu said as he watched the rest of them nodding their head. yet his eyes are stuck to your sleeping form, feeling the spark now catching fire as he had found the light at the end of the tunnel of guilt, shame, and despair for not being there enough for you for the past months and especially today.

to be the same dad for them and the best boyfriend for you.

the same thing couldn’t be said to you as you can feel your mood swinging about when you come home with the babies.

haseul has been helping you within the apartment as she teaches you to use the milk pumper and prepare the breastmilk for them, teaching you various tips to get your pre-pregnancy body back as you felt the belly wrap bound tight around you when you sleep in your shared bed. that’s when the baby monitor turns on when you hear the sound of one of the babies waking you up from the room across yours.

you sit up on the bed, no wick of sleep clear on your face, as heeseung stirs in his sleep when the baby’s cry gets louder from the speaker.

“whose turn is it?” he mumbles, as you stare down at him beside you. you have done graveyard shifts of taking care of your babies numerous times as heeseung couldn’t keep schedule because of his internship. so it is supposed to be his turn now to care for them.

“it’s my turn,” you replied, letting him sleep once again as you heard him hum and slip away into the slumber. his hand reaching to grasp yours before letting out a “good luck” that he has always given to you when it’s your turn to take care of them on the latest of nights.

you step out of your shared bed as you make your way across to the babies’ room to see siah wriggling in her crib, making you walk quickly so that she doesn’t wake her brother up. slowly picking her up, you lift your oversized t-shirt as you brought her lips to one of your nipples.

“come on. latch,” you mumbled as you support siah’s head as best as you can when you felt her latch onto your boob, sucking on the nipples as you feel the milk coming out so she could consume it.

“you’re a hungry, hungry baby, are you?” you lightly nagged her as you stood still, looking at siwoo who was sleeping peacefully with his pacifier even though his sister was crying her heart out. you eyed the room that you and heeseung had decorated as best as you could with the budget you set and your unpredictable schedule of staying here longer or leaving within the year of the rent. in one corner of the room sits the baby gifts people brought to the baby shower. you see the silhouette of the baby car seats you can imagine them using when they’re older so you can take them out and the set pajamas that were bought by heeseung’s family member before you turn to look at the decoration hanging from both of the cribs of animals and stars. another gift from the pile of gifts.

you rested siah’s head on your shoulder and you lightly pat her back, helping her to digest the milk she was drinking—doing everything haseul, mama, heeseung’s mom, and jeongin’s mom have told you. hearing the small burp coming out from her, you wanted to put her down so she could sleep when you sensed her gripping onto your lifted shirt, not wanting to let you go just yet. you sigh as you step to one of their cabinets to find the baby wrap, placing her on the changing station as you wrap the soft, stretchy fabric around your upper body before placing her in her designated slot; securing her legs with the wrap holding onto you tight as taught by haseul who teaches you the right way to use it.

heeseung’s hand reaches for your side, expecting to meet your body or at least your hand in his touch when he feels... nothing.

nothing but your unkept side of the comforter and the creases of the bedsheets as they are the remaining of your being.

he remembered he was woken up by the sound of the baby crying from the monitor. but with it now gone, he was already expecting you to come back to him. yet when he taps more around the surroundings of your supposed side of the bed, his eyes instantly open to see the dark empty space where you should’ve been. he doesn’t care that he has such heavy lids and wobbling steps, he just wants you back in his arms as he sleeps through the night.

opening the door to the babies’s room, he didn’t find your apparatus by the crib soothing one of the babies. heeseung lets his body glide towards the cribs, rubbing the edge of his eyes to make him awake. he eyes siwoo’s crib to find him there, looking like a cute sleepy angel. but he can’t call the same about siah’s as he finds it empty.

“(y/n)?” he calls for you, voice so small with a raspy throat as he didn’t hear your answer, waking him up with a jolt as he realizes that both you and siah aren’t here in the room.

his feet—still wobbly as fuck—brought him to the hallway as his eyes adjust to the dark; seeing the nightlight and his rgb light turned on in the living area helps him to search easier. that’s when he picked up such a clear gush of wind when he turned towards the balcony to see its sheer curtain flowing inside. he then scanned the room to discover one beanbag missing from the other as he approached the window to see it being sat by someone. someone who is sobbing.

drifting the sheer curtain away to the side, heeseung finds the face of his daughter on top of the shaking shoulder wearing a familiar pajama set. head leaning down to the front as the figure adjusts its weight on the beanbag. your hands covering your face as heeseung figures out the sound of the muffled sob coming from you.

“(y/n)?”

you jumped and turned your head around to find heeseung’s alert figure, feeling the weight of siah on you as you wrapped the cloth so tight that it was secure for you to move safely before turning back to gaze at the 3 am sky on the balcony.

“go to sleep. you have work in the morning,” you mumbled out, rubbing your hands against each other.

“i will not sleep if you aren’t,” he answered, joining you as he stepped forward to lean against the railing. the cold wind woke him up as he heard your remaining sniffles, eyes gazing at you as the tranquility seemed to turn your tear’s faucet on once again. he hasn’t noticed just how deep your panda eyes have become, knowing that the babies have awoken you for feeding time at ungodly hours. but that’s when realize how jittery you also become, how you don’t eat as much as you focus on returning your body back to how it was before you’re pregnant; how you can’t seem to define yourself after giving birth.

“i don’t think i’ll be anything other than a mom.”

his ears perk up and he swallows his saliva, processing just how concise yet poignant your words are. reminding him that you have your own perspectives, too.

“i, i don’t know. how can i be anything other than a mom when i’m here, even with all the preparation we've done, still isn’t ready to face it…”

baby blues, he remembered the doula told him as he saw you taking care of the two babies while haseul helped in cleaning the baby bottles up for you.

“you have to be prepared if she got baby blues, heeseung. especially since she’s taking care of two now. she may be hiding some things for you, but you can see it when you see it.”

“how could i help her?” heeseung said, seeing you with siah wrapped with the stretchy cloth on your back as siwoo is currently feeding off of you. a slight glow on your skin as you seem to lightly rock your body to satisfy both of them at the same time.

“help her make time for herself. she is also human with her own mind, body, and soul. help her take care of herself first by taking charge to care for both siah and siwoo.” haseul replied, turning her head so he could see her smirk of acknowledgment—heeseung is one of her students that she is proud of alongside you.

“i know you can.”

“you are also everything including being a mom, (l/n)(y/n),” he spoke, kneeling down beside your figure on the beanbag as he watched your eyes swell.

“you are your parents’ daughter. you are getting a degree in business. you are part of the most chaotic group of friends in the existence of the world. you are a caretaker of so many children who would remember just how fun you are. you’re a guitarist who can keep up and jam out with musicians. you’re a mitski fan who likes to cathartically sing your heart out to her songs. you’re a film watcher and you love japanese movies so much.” heeseung gently grasps both of your chilly hands as he monologues, seeing your swollen eyes closer under the light from the balcony’s ceiling.

“and, you’re my girl. i’m your boy. and i do think you need to embrace that more. let me take care of you.”

you let out a big exhale as a smirk pulls out of you. “if you do, well, take care of me. who would take care of the babies?”

“i would, your parents and my parents would,” he answered, big doe-like eyes trying his best to convince you, “share your burden with me, especially when i’m under your arsenal. i can definitely ask my supervisor to allow me parental leave so i can have time to take care of you and the babies. you can even apply for work-from-home internships during that.”

“then our rivalry will just… stop?” you jokingly asked, but genuinely.

“make it more of like a friendly or romantic rivalry,” he says, leaning upwards as he pecks on siah’s sleeping head on your shoulder. “besides, how could i compete with you if we aren’t on equal terms?”

you hummed as you felt him moving towards your face, kissing your forehead before trailing down to your nose bridge, your eyelids, your cheeks, then your lips—feeling the flattery jump-starting inside you.

“you’re stuck with me now, lee,” you mumbled against his lips, feeling his hand helping you to stand up from the beanbag as he gently held you, foreheads connected as he stared into your eyes that are also sparkling like what the night sky has.

“i’ve been stuck by you for years now and i’ll gladly stick onto you until the fucking heat death of the universe.”

taglist: @raeyunshm @leilasmom @evidive @boba-beom @kwiwin @heesw1fe @aloverga @endzii23 @fluffyywoo @camipendragon @hiqhkey @wccycc @cha0thicpisces @y4wnjunz @yeehawnana @beansworldsstuff @kimipxl @blurryriki @amazzwon @reallysmolrenjun @stelanity @deobitifull @mheretoreadff @gandaengene @amaraeofsunshine @possibly-zoe0218 @enhypenilycometoaus @jaysupremacy @jungwoneez @iwuvjay @erenshawtybae @nctislifue @vixensss @smilefordongil @lhspeachie @b9chira

#400+ notes!#yoooo thank you so much!!#rsc: laurel hell #milestone of the moon

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writingmochi · 13 days

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lissie: finally hi sam! great to know that you've decided to join in! will tag you after posting this n stay tune for the discord invite (cause ppl seemed to prefer that) *thumbs up*

ｌｏａｄｉｎｇｉｎｔｅｒｆａｃｅ．．．

you've found a discovery: cinema experience

lissie: greetings! not going to lie, i didn't expect to achieve this milestone in the quick manner that it is (shout out to laurel hell for that like i still am baffled). thank you for taking a chance in reading the fics, giving it a like, giving a reblog and/or comment, and for following the blog. as with the other discoveries found, i'll be sending back to the community and what is not a good way to do that by hosting an open collab for writers who write for ateez, txt, and/or enhypen.

what is cinema experience?

from the youthful stories of call me by your name, to the adventures in star wars, the horror depths of friday the 13th, to the exuberant tales from the princess bride. here is the cinema experience.

cinema experience is a fic collaboration project centred on adapting stories from cinema and creating your own twist and take on it. so, any movie you want to adapt, from the indie to the blockbusters. to the oldies and the newest. give it a twist to your liking, a horror version of the breakfast club with hongjoong in mind, or lost in translation with a sci-fi twist for sunghoon.

this collab is open for anybody that wants to / is writing for ateez, txt, and/or enhypen and will last until the end of 2024. if you decide to join in, your name will be listed on this post.

if you are interested in joining, the guidelines will be below the cut:

guidelines:

this project is for ateez, txt, & enhypen fics

the fics can be either reader insert x idol or oc x idol (no idol x idol pairing)

minimum word count is 1000 (1k)

though i love timestamps, headcanons, drabbles, and reactions, this project is for full-length works only.

plagiarism is extremely prohibited, especially if you are plagiarizing existing works. believe in yourself that you can create something great!

smut and suggestive are allowed but no smut for jungwon and no suggestive and smut content for niki (as per following my blog's guideline)

all written works will be added to a masterlist that i'm making by the end of the year (december 31st, 2024)

if you want to join:

reblog this post with your member of choice and the movie your fic will be based on

tag your work with #discovery: 400 or tag me @/writingmochi when you are have posted it so i can put you in the masterlist!

the groups and the movies:

ATEEZ

@/writingmochi | san | wall-e (2008)

@pyeonghongrie | hongjoong | the phantom of the opera (2004)

@fureastel | yeosang | robin hood (1973)

@hotteoki | yunho | to all the boys i've loved before (2018)

TXT

@/hotteoki | beomgyu | spirited away (2001)

ENHYPEN

@/writingmochi | jay | fallen angels (1995) and millennium mambo (2001)

lissie: i'll be looking forward to reading your works! once again, thank you so much for the milestone <3

our other discoveries:

discovery: 300 send me a fake fic title and i'll make the premise for you!

discovery: 100 ask me questions about my wips and/or writing process!

#discovery: 400

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writingmochi · 13 days

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"This fic was ai generated—" Cool, so lemme block you real quick

#sick ass burn right there!#but that is so true cause who wants to read a story that the writer doesn’t even want to go through the process of writing it?#status updates by the moon

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writingmochi · 13 days

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lissie: curious and yet, it’s for a fic!

lissie: all answers will take into consideration in making jay’s character and his family members for a fic inspired by what remains of edith finch (family drama and mystery with hints of magical realism)

#enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen smut #enhypen angst #enhypen fluff #enhypen x reader #enhypen fanfiction #jay x reader #polls with the moon #rsc: tbotc

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writingmochi · 13 days

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Welcome to Dove's Melody Project! Dove's Melody Project is a blog to spread information about the ongoing music industry boycotts and protests. This blog was made for there to be a place on tumblr where music lovers and people from all fandoms could come together and fight against the zionism in the industry. Please, join us in this movement!

#yoo!!#signal boost!!

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writingmochi · 14 days

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cast: jay ✗ fem.reader (ft. enhypen’s 02 line, billlie's sheon (kim suyeon), and other idols)

synopsis: crossroads have always been a part of your life. every zebra crossing you pass, every train interchange you go through, every hallway you walk in on your way to class, every eye you encounter with or without greeting. no one seems to dare to cross your tangled crossroads unless you cross it to meet them on the other side. that is until jay—a candidate for the student council president—has crossed one path with one single chocolate

genre: coming of age, bildungsroman, melodrama, slow burn, slice of life, realistic fiction, romance, high school au, fluff, angst

word count: 39366 (39.3k)

warning(s): self-inflicted harm, blood, explicit description of drowning, mention of bullying, mention of death by suicide

message from the moon: this story is fiction and will also have dialogues in different languages, translation of the dialogue will be put at the bottom of the fic and have numbers at the top to easily refer to. i'm sorry in advance if i got the translations wrong cause i'm still a beginner in the other languages and thanks for the translator app for helping *thumbs up* ! (y/f/n) = your full name. jay and jongseong will be used interchangeably. also, first time writing a (mostly) silent (but active) protagonist yey!

first thing first, welcome back to my blog after my one month+ break! this was supposed to be for jjongssaeng's birthday special one-shot but for reasons stated on my post about myself taking a break, i moved it back to june :] secondly, i wanna thank @orpheyeux cause i got to be introduced to the genre of melodrama (boost to 14 steps and welcome) through her writings or just more genres other than the usual fluff and angst umbrella. thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy it!

if this fic has a soundtrack album, it will be this playlist ! | moodboard

the yellow sky slowly sinks down to greet the blue that reflects the ocean beneath it. the white clouds' transformation is almost complete as a few peach-colored spots are visible on the feather-like edges. seagulls gawking as they fly to the sky that you're looking at while leaning against the bright red yet rusty railing. the breeze that the sea blows lightly kisses your cheeks, making your hair flow along with the ends of the white top of today's uniform. the corner of your lips is signaling to your brain that it is tugging up, to greet the new day with a positive light like the ball of fire that is crawling up somewhere on the edge of the horizon of today. it makes a smile on your face, just perfect enough to make you feel good, and a muffled rumbling sound came from behind as it remains before falling into its normal state.

turning around to see the digital clock on top of the station's name, seeing the 07:30 with a blinking 'on time' words right beside the set of numbers, you see the blurry train coming closer and closer as the brake screech the rails beneath the pit the train will go by. people all around you—all uniformly wearing formal clothes with different types of bags on each of their figures—stood behind the faded yellow tiles on the edge of the platform as the train cars smoothly stopped in front of all the passengers, followed by a hiss as the door opens. the announcement coming from the speakers stops as the train settles down.

the commuters step into the train, some looking down to be careful of the gap. commuters of all ages and genders, from the most preppy to the most extravagant. all you can observe from your corner of the train car, but you choose not to. leaning against the small width wall between the seats and the sliding doors, you faced the door as it is closing. picking up the phone from inside your skirt pocket, wired earphones already plugged as you trail the wires up to the rounded buds already in both ears since you left home, you greet the music app interface and play the korean indie music playlist that you've curated, peeking from the corner of your eyes at the ocean, slowly getting left behind as the train runs away beside it. the place where you will stay for the next five minutes.

it took 1 hour and 22 minutes, give or take, and three different railway lines every weekday for you to commute to school from home. waking up at 06:30 to prepare yourself and help prepare with mom. by 07:15, you have to go to the station to get the 07:30 train that comes every 15 minutes. tirelessly exchanging from junction to junction to junction of hallways of people every time you walk to ride the various trains, making you able to sense the changing tracks one right after the other, like a sixth sense, by hearing how the metals clank beneath your feet as the train went by a large junction full of complicated tracks near seoul station. and always being able to know when to walk on the inside or the outside part of the sidewalk when you have to turn or cross a crossing.

for the longest time, you thought your legs might give in after a couple of times commuting for kilometers every school day. nonetheless, your legs have sustained, knowing that it has adapted to your overall main variety of mobility: walking. gaining the ability to sustain because of the small town where you are from, the ability coming from playing with friends on the asphalt road of the neighborhood, the sandy surfaces of the beach as it overlooks the blue space full of water, or the soft prickly tingles of the grass on the green rolling hills.

looking up at the morning sky, you see a few rays of the sun protruding out as it is covered by the high rises and tall towers, a much different view from home where the buildings are two stories high and the utility poles are the tallest structures existing there. you grip onto the straps of the backpack on your shoulder, seeing the enormous set of buildings behind bushes, trees, and brick walls with silver fences in between. crossing the last black and white stripes of the morning, you view cars driving before and after you crossed, cruising to the entrance of the complex. a few of their backseat windows are thinly tinted, making the people inside visible—all seem to be around your age. stalling to breathe, your pace slows down from the stable walk that you kept out on the road and transits between rail lines, readying yourself to face the same things you faced every day since the start of the second year.

arriving at the small building beside the front gate, a security guard guards the entrance as they greet the drivers of the cars that enter. turning around when they can hear footsteps getting closer, you're able to listen to a muffled "good morning" behind the wall of melodies from the earphone buds, giving them a small bow as you enter the complex where the buildings are now clearer to be seen. the car that the security guard checks whilst you enter stops in a cul de sac with a fountain in the center of it, letting out a girl who wears the same uniform as yours as she walks to the main building of the school meters in front of you. glancing at the phone you pull out as the screen automatically lits up, you see the time said that it is exactly 15 minutes before the first bell of the day rings.

seeing other students arriving at school in cars should have made jealousy bubble inside you, yet it is nowhere to be found. even though not used often, your family also has their own car that is only used for trips or special occasions. you always walk past the late 2000s sedan that dad maintains like a child of his own every time you step out into the open garage of your two-story home, then followed by hearing mom's blessings and reassurance as she prepares for the baked goods and coffee beans for the day. you go to school using public transportation instead, familiarizing yourself with the trains and their routes that you're using for the three years of high school or even more.

both of your parents were citizens of seoul, having lived the city life and its fast-paced lifestyle in their youthful ages. you remember a few weeks before the first day of high school at the dining table during dinner time, they mention that they met when they were classmates in their own high school. mom said that dad is the most chaotic person she has ever encountered—always seems to be caught and punished by the teacher for even trivial things—while dad said that mom was always perceived as the 'flower' of the school, “every guy in our school wants to be her partner” he said—which makes mom blush, resulting with her grabbing another glass of water to cool herself down.

by the time you arrive in their lives, they were fed up with the city's fast pace and decide to move to a town beside the sea near the suburbs—something they mentioned back in that same dinner from a conversation they have back when they were dating in high school—to start anew from a much lower level than they were back in the city. dad currently works at the port where he helps in managing the fishermen's ships after a time of fishing, mom owns her own cafe, operating underneath their home—of course, yours too—that sits on the second story. both are able to use their diplomas in a much more unconventional way than their peers working in a corporate setting back in the city.

you are a byproduct of your parents' 'laid-back but strict in some parts' style of teaching, a balance that they take years to master while also studying for their own diplomas when they realize they want to start a family together. they picked and sorted both their parents' teachings to them and their siblings to find the right ones to teach you. they taught you to be as tough as a tiger and also as gentle as a butterfly, sometimes letting you do rebellious things such as playing outside in the rain that causes you to have a fever the next day as a way to teach the cause and effect of decisions. you were blessed with having parents that are very attentive and can openly share each other's problems and opinions, seemingly making the three of you like long-time friends instead of a child and her parents that has a 25-year difference.

they also try to teach you about analog technologies and activities like how to read maps, buying you hardcover novels in every genre suit for your growing age, or using a phonograph while listening to dad's 80s and 90s LP vinyl collection. all of that so you don't have to rely on a smartphone most of the time, which you only received your first phone back in the second year of middle school. by that time, you don't even think about using social media other than a messenger app, seeing as both of your parents using their smartphones for phoning people or as an encyclopedia to search from. the only applications you have are a messenger app, a map, a camera, a browser to connect to the internet, and a music streaming app for your daily dose of music.

you used to never desire to go to school in seoul, being satisfied with going to the high school where your older neighbors learn. that is until one day, it all changes when you stared at a scholarship announcement for a high school on your middle school's main hallway's bulletin board, gaining an epiphany and announcing to your parents that you want to join, submit the application with the help of mom. however, at that time, you thought you were applying for a scholarship at the high school in the nearest suburban city near your town. that is until you read the announcement brochure again when you figure out the school you apply to. a school in seoul, not just a regular school, but the most prestigious in the country that only people with wealth and smarts can enter, and you checked your e-mail a few weeks before your middle school graduation to see that you achieved the scholarship.

at first, your parents were thinking about bringing you to school in their car—yes, dad's late 2000s sedan. that is until they calculated that it is going to be a two-hour or more drive because you have to travel on one of the main toll roads of the country to get there and it's usually full of vehicles, especially relating to logistics. that's when you decide to go to school by train when you saw a few students commuting in the seoul metro as you went back home after doing administrative paperwork in your future high school at the time. they let you cause they know you're ready, and they know you’re able to take care of yourself.

when you enter the classroom, you see all the other students of your class either on their phones updating their social media, some doing dance challenges, or some listening to music with their wireless earphones. you walk around them to sit on your seat at the back corner of the class right beside a window overlooking the large football field. the seat beside you empty, having no seatmate as your class has odd-numbered students with desks made for two, and how the other students perceive you as a 'weirdo' and not 'one of them' that seemingly disgusts them away to sit beside you.

the hauntingly beautiful harmony from the black skirts track covers the sounds of the newly trending western pop music that you don't follow, picking up your a5-sized drawing book to continue your mandala art. the strokes of the black ink in different styles, curving in a shape of a quarter of a circle, blinding you and sticks onto your retina that sometimes you can see the withered remnants of them every time you view the blue sky, like floating balloons that are only visible to you.

as the last note of the nearly two-hour playlist's last song stops, you were startled by the ringing bell and your homeroom teacher stepping into the class with a female student behind her. her clothes empty of wrinkles as her wide eyes sparkle from the lights on the ceiling, wearing an innocent face as she looks over the class. however, her eyes widen when she looks at one of the seats a column after the one beside you. glancing at them secretly, you see the group of people that made fun of you back in your first year—all of them sit in front and behind each other—looking at her with a mischievous glint in their eyes, resembling the ones that they gave to you even until now.

"good morning class! today we have a new student that will be joining us. you may introduce yourself." the teacher gestured to the girl with her open palm to go forward. the girl's eyes still frantically glancing back at the group before to the whole class, hands adequately rested in front of her as she lightly clears her throat.

"my name is kim suyeon, nice to meet you." she lets out a small smile on her face, which you unconsciously follow with a slight tug on your lips.

"you can sit beside (y/n) at the back." your hand instantly raises up as you heard your name being called so the girl, suyeon, can see the empty seat beside you. witnessing her light steps on her way to your desk, your eyes see her trying to settle down on the empty seat but instead, they focused on the people across from you, seeing their eyes looking between you and suyeon, still with the same glint and a smirk on their faces that sends chills forming on your skin.

as suyeon was going to sit on her chair, you grab her hand, making her pause her movement as you lightly push the stuff on the table in front of you to her side. standing up from the seat you sat, you shrug your open palm to your unoccupied chair as you see her shake her head.

"no, that's your seat," she replied. yet instead of accepting the denial, you pick your backpack up and switch them with suyeon's bag. your hands on either of her shoulders, guiding her to your previous chair as you then sit down in your new chair, giving a small smile only she can see as she is still stunned by your actions. from the corner of your eyes, glimpsing at the other side, you can see the same people before with a light sheen of wrinkles on their t-zone and frown on their mouth. subtly rolling your eyes, you return back to tidy up the clutter that is your belongings as you heard suyeon, who is now settled down on her new seat, mumble a "thank you."

your homeroom teacher, who is also teaching this period's subject, starts to present a slideshow about today's topic. the projector hanging from the ceiling beams the screen from the desktop at the teacher's table, presenting a slideshow about world history and early civilizations, currently landing on a few slides about famous mythologies of the world.

as a reader, one of your favorite books to read are classic books such as myths, folktales, and classic novels. your first time exposed to classical books is the odyssey, its pages landing you in ancient greece as you envisioned the trojan war with the help of the words and your imagination. being transported to the middle east with one thousand and one nights' stories to then the regency era as you read about the dynamic elizabeth bennett in the story of pride and prejudice.

you wanted to learn more about classics in the future and how it impacts the modern world after scouring through videos and photos of ancient sculpture depicting myths or cinema inspired by the classics you love. reading has always been your first love as you were always being transported from time to time in every page or book that you start to read, even making dad send a request to the carpenter of the town to make a custom bookshelf as your book collection is piling up in one corner of your room.

the black and white pictures of the greek deities' statutes and the ruined pantheon architecture filled the screen as knocks distract the class. all eyes are on the door as it opens when a dark-haired boy peeks in to talk to the teacher from afar and you see the look of recognition on her face. the door widens again as you can see another person holding what seems to be a small board. it completely opens as two boys enter the class, immediately able to hear the other students whispering around you about their presence, except for suyeon who looks confused from the corner of your vision. your gaze returns to the front of the class to discover that they are another entourage of the council's presidential election, now candidate number 1 finally visits your class after their opponents enters yesterday. candidate number 1 that everyone knows is park jongseong.

park jongseong, or as is called by everyone "jay", is someone who you hypothesize is much different than what you are. someone who was given everything on a silver platter, someone whose wants will always come true no matter how much he contributes to getting it. an urban boy living an urban life of glamour. you know, from gossip that you overheard like birds’ chirping, that his parents have influence both inside and outside of the school's environment, hearing that they're one of the main donators for the school. because of that, every school staff that you know respects him, maybe having an alternative plan so they can get their salaries partially because of their treatment to him or his parents. everyone seems to be smitten by him, maybe because of his signature smirk that never gets wider from what the people know to how much of a gentleman he seems to be.

you remember hearing people swoon when he decided to be a part of the student council and introduces as a candidate to be the president alongside candidate 2, park jisung, and candidate 3, bang yedam. all three of the boys have their own influences.

park jisung, coming from a family of athletes, even olympic level—also a jock himself—wishes to focus on helping with the finances of all sports clubs in school with an emphasis on making tournaments where other high schools will compete against each other.

bang yedam, coming from a family of artists both audio and visual—and a member of the theater club—focuses to help the art clubs in the school such as dance to sculpting, emphasizing making an art gallery where various students can promote their art like performing dances, releasing music, and overall to showcasing their creativity.

park jongseong, however, takes the middle route of everything to be as equal as possible, focusing more on making a school festival where they will invite celebrities like indie musicians to k-pop idols.

that's what you got from what he said himself underneath that black and white image of the greek deity sculpture from the projector, his eyes moving around the room as he has an eerily relaxed posture while presenting.

that's when you saw the other person, who you were finally able to identify as part of his campaign team after another thought, turn to him to give him a transparent box that you didn't notice he brought. you knew what was coming: an act of persuasion using food. you saw it happened with the other two, jisung giving away choco pies while yedam gives out boxes of pepero. and you weren't given any of the two by them.

you just sit there as jongseong walks to the tables and gives out the chocolate that you recognized are ferrero rochers. in your opinion, very much like the boy. having a luxurious appearance but giving a sense of familiarity and gentleness with the nutella that surrounds the wafer and hazelnut in the middle.

knowing in your mind that you won't get any, you continue drawing your mandala art as it takes time to distribute them. despite it, your thoughts drift towards suyeon that sat beside you, discreetly looking at the boy who is running for president giving the chocolate from the front desks and slowly walking to the back. you hope that even though she is sitting beside you, doesn't mean that she will not receive one. you don't want her to be treated like what you've experienced in the past year since you enroll here, being left alone, being invisible.

jongseong is now on the last row before yours where he stood by the glaring people on the other side of the class, some leaning their back against the wall in which the hallway is on the other side. you, rather than be distracted by seeing him, focus on your drawing book, letting the ink flows down the black ballpoint to the paper. your attentiveness can’t help to hear the footsteps coming closer and closer, wishing you were wearing your earphones instead so it helps to ease the pain of going to be ignored the third time. the first two didn't even walk near you after giving to the ones adjacent to you. so, you brace yourself, peeking slightly to see that he is now facing your desk.

you draw as slow as possible, wanting to focus all your might on it rather than on the boy who now stood in front of your desk. eyes tweaking up slightly then immediately down multiple times as you see him putting one foiled ball on top of suyeon's notebook beside your elbow, a small "thank you" can be heard as a sign of confirmation. now, he can leave as he finishes distributing all of the pieces, and you can bury down the aching that you’re going to feel as the aftermath.

that is until you see a rocher on the top corner of the page of your drawing book.

lifted your head up as fast as possible from the book on the desk, you see jongseong's hand retracting, making you stare between him and the wrapped chocolate sitting on the paper. rather than turning away immediately, he stayed for a few seconds. you gently put your palm against your chest with a slight furrow on your eyebrows.

'is this really for me?' is what you hope he receives from the gesture, which he replies with a nod to then give a small smile.

as he turns away with the empty box, your eyes follow him, sticking to the back of his neck, hands inching to gently pick up the chocolate to put it on your lap. feeling the gold foil texture with a small brown cup where it is used as a seat for the chocolate in the box. taking a deep breath, you glance at it, then up when you heard the door open, seeing the two boys taking their leave and jongseong thanking the teacher at the front for their time. you see a warm smile on his face as he took one final glance at the class, his eyes meeting yours, seeing his fingers slightly lifted up towards his mouth before closing the door. you hear suyeon munching and humming joyfully to the luxury-looking chocolate she is given, trying to turn away discreetly before she saw you and lightly scramble in her chair while apologizing, a smile formed on your face.

the chocolate still feels heavy on your lap. you took a glimpse of your classmates to see their gold foil on top of their table bare open yet as you wanted to have a taste, the doubt in your mind stops you. you were scared that if you've eaten this chocolate everything will change forever, and you don't want it to change for the bad. you rather feel safe in the bubble that you created where the pain is like a sword that is trying to penetrate the bubble until it pops. you glance at suyeon as she shyly licks her fingertips covered by the chocolate, wanting to nudge her to tell her to eat your chocolate instead.

however, you were reminded of what jongseong did. that was the first time you feel validated in a good way, that your existence is felt as a student rather than a doll where people can mock you for its entirety of going to school with a few substances on your face other than the skincare products you regularly use, having status as a scholarship receiver instead of enrolling in with on-person money—even though people outside of the school perceive that as an achievement—and your items such as your smartphone model that was released a few years older than the new one they have and can easily replace by each release.

you unwrapped the chocolate carefully as possible, not wanting the gold foil to get ripped up. seeing the chocolate ball with its sharp angles on the surface still intact as it hasn't been met by a human touch that spreads warm that can and will melt the outer layer. the teacher—who got her own rocher evidently by the leftover of the foil where its glint can be seen from afar—continues the presentation as the slide shows ancient china and its early civilization by the yellow and yangtze rivers. the teacher's lecture meets with thoughts inside your head as you still stare at your lap on the chocolate ball.

"you're hesitating to eat it." hearing the words coming from beside you, seeing suyeon glancing at you as you did to her minutes before. putting your lips into a straight line, you slightly lift the foil with the chocolate in middle to her, testing one of your hypotheses if she will accept your chocolate. it got horribly debunked when you got a reply with a head shake.

"it's yours," she speaks softly, your eyebrows raised as your lips fall back to their natural state. you look down at the chocolate one again, all the demons yelling from all sides inside the small space in your head about the repercussions you can get by eating it. but one sticks out in your mind.

"i don't deserve it."

you can see from the corner of your eyes the small shock on suyeon's face when she hears your voice. you also surprised yourself since you've been abstaining to speak at the start of the second year. still, the words are ringing in your head heavily that you need to let them out. you don't deserve the chocolate cause you haven't done anything to jongseong, you haven't done anything to the school like what he or the other two candidates have done, or the people in your class who have achievements such as a national level football athlete or a city-level student competition achiever in the subject of economics. you don't deserve it as you're the only one to walk to school instead of being brought with your own car or driving your own transportation such as a few students bringing a vespa to school.

"you do, (y/n)." suyeon speaks as she lightly touches your shoulders before putting her palm fully on them after noticing that you didn't flinch away from her soft and gentle touch, different than the rough touches you've experienced in your first year from hands as soft as hers.

"you do."

you lift the chocolate near your mouth, the outer layer melted as you can feel the stickiness on your fingertips. remembering jongseong that stood in front of you as he nods and smiles, finally letting go of your breath.

you guide the chocolate to your mouth and take a bite.

it is the day of the election and you walked out of the voting booth after being guided by a student council senior on how to vote. you glance behind to see suyeon walking out of the booth soon after, a small smile on her face which you also return as you waited for her. both of you walk side by side back to the hallway, seeing the next class standing in a queue, waiting for their turn to vote.

you didn't expect suyeon to stick by your side since the day she moved a week ago. knowing that she is more familiar with the middle and upper classes at the school, you expected her to have friends in other classes that she can go meet or sit with during recess, leaving you alone to treat yourself—by finishing the mandala art or doodle a rough sketch of a greek god statue courtesy of the internet and 'save image' button—as you eat the lunch that mom gave at the obscure corner of the cafeteria where you know nobody won't bother you because: they are too lazy to walk to a corner far from the main civilization of the cafeteria, or they don't notice you at all.

last week, as you were seated, reading hiromi kawakami's the nakano thrift shop alone, you see a tray being set down in front of your lunchbox and a figure sitting behind it, realizing from her features is your new seatmate. at first, your eyebrows were raised in confusion, your brain wired some reasons to make them do what they do. then she started talking, no, introducing herself more.

"i moved here from a school on the other side of the neighborhood."

"not many of my friends go here though. i mean i've seen some of them from middle school."

"ooh, i've wanted to read japanese fiction before."

what's nice, when you thought about it, is that she didn't push you to talk more given your small replies. she allows you to gather your mind up as she talks without making a ruckus, unlike the other tables. your mind slowly making up about the girl as someone who genuinely wants to be friends with you, considering her the first friend you made in high school.

she treats you like anyone else. that is because she doesn't know your real situation. you almost got caught a few days ago as the two of you are waiting in front of the lobby when she innocently asked,

"where's your car?"

and you can't say anything because you don't want her to leave you alone, retreating yourself back to what you felt in the first year.

she doesn't know that you stayed with her at the entrance because you walk to the nearest station to go back home, unlike her. yet, she doesn't comment much on how you wear wired earphones instead of wireless ones like the pair that she used, how you brought your own lunch where she can buy one at school. you wanted that to last until you are sure she is ready to know the truth, your truth.

as you are both seated in class, waiting for the announcement, the students around the room talk openly about who they choose for the election, you see suyeon leaning to your side from the corner of your eye, whispering, "i know we aren't supposed to share who we vote. but i vote jay, how about you?"

when the candidates were first introduced, you were contemplating if you should abstain from voting or not, leaving the ballot empty without any sign of you interacting with it other than touching it with your hands. you didn't want to vote not because all of the programs they brought out for their campaign is bad. you didn't want to vote because you want to be neutral, knowing that each policy or aspiration that they brought doesn't affect you significantly.

that is until last week when jongseong gave you the rocher.

as you stand at the voting booth, opening up the folded paper with the names of the three boys. your fingers are fidgeting, wanting to fold them again following the decision that has been decided.

however, your eyes glance at jongseong's name. and like a scene from a character flashback in a movie, you see yourself back at that time when he gave you a nod, the chocolate at the corner of the page you open. fast forward to when he almost left and find your eyes, using a small gesture of his hand to his mouth before closing the door.

the moment when you felt like your existence is appreciated, and you wanted to appreciate him back. so, using the marker they gave you in the booth, you put a check in the box beside jongseong's name and put the filled-in folded paper into the ballot box.

"same," you mumble back to her. immediately after speaking, a chime is heard from the speaker inside the class, making you sit back and straighten your posture on the chair as the static fills the air in the classroom. hearing the voice of the senior in charge of the voting that you remember is the senior that guides you at the booths, speaking greetings into the intercom, and announcing the results of the total amount of the votes.

"the elected president is…"

from your view, this is the first time anyone has ever looked tense, eyeing the speaker like it can come and attack them at any second if they look away. suyeon also looks intensely at the speaker, her hands interlock with each other on her table as you see from a quick glimpse.

you hope jongseong wins. a compassionate leader that can take aspirations for everyone, evident by the action he did last week to you. you want to help to fight the prejudice that you are different from what they are. a scholarship receiver hailing from a suburban of seoul, the only time someone received said scholarship as they haven't opened the program again. someone that is 'lower' in status. but, you aren't, and you believe jongseong wants to fight them too.

"bang yedam."

letting out your breath that you didn't know you held, cheering and clapping came from not just your class, but also the classes in the same hallway as yours, all are students in your year. you peek at suyeon who retracts her hand and has a neutral smile on her face, tilting her head as she faced you, concentrating on something else. you turn around to see the door of the class open and your peers flooding out of the class to gather in the hallway. curiosity got the best of you when the tables of the people that ridiculed you were now empty, you stand up and walk to the door of your class, suyeon following behind as you felt a human presence behind you, knowing that you both are the last ones in class.

students in your year created a human barrier and left an empty path in the middle, from the view that reaches your eyes. cheers coming from the left as you see bang yedam's grin and people congratulating him, patting him on his shoulder, hugging him as a way to say how proud they are.

despite the hollering coming one by one in the hallway, you see jongseong standing at the line across from you, right in front of the half wall barrier of the hallway, in between sim jaeyun also known as “jake”, the australian-raised genius and mathlete of your year, and park sunghoon, the national-level figure skater, who has their arms wrapped behind jongseong's back, still proud of him for being one of the vice presidents of the student council. he wears the famous smirk he is known for when yedam walks and turns towards him, giving a hug and a congratulation from the faint sound that you can hear little by little.

as yedam walked past the door of your class, you gave a small smile when both of your eyes slightly meet as suyeon's hands rested on either side of your shoulder, leaning forward so she can still see the commotion of yedam being bombarded by your classmates with their own way of congratulating.

turning your head away from the view, you met jongseong’s eyes which were already looking your way. the smirk is still evident on his face, however, you notice something from his eyes, seeing them tremble. you give a solemn smile and nod to him before turning around and walking to your desk with suyeon playfully waddling behind you, making you stifle your giggle as she grins brightly and return back to the seats. you shake your head to get rid of the subtle feeling from the boy that you have eye contact with.

the vision of jongseong's trembling eyes haunts you as you heard suyeon's voice calling your name, seeing her car that you've recognized now after seeing it so much stopped in front of her. you see her figure retreating to the car, waving goodbye towards you as she is seated in the backseat whilst pressing the window button down and continuing waving. responding with a small wave, you see her pout before her car drives away to the hagwon where she enrolls in.

many of your peers go to hagwons, private academies where they learn additional stuff to the subjects they learn from school or understand them on a deeper level. many of your schoolmate's parents are competitive when it comes to rankings so they enroll their children there, making them study until midnight or later.

your parents are against the hagwon idea even though both enrolled in one by your grandparents, coincidentally in the same one as well. yet, they skipped them to go hang out and have a date instead, both argue to ‘let teens be teens’ and let them have their free time so they don't stress themselves to death. nonetheless, your parents still give you liberty if you want to attend a hagwon or not, which you deny because you agree with their understanding and you wanted to help mom more as she has an influx of customers around afternoon and evening.

your parents mention why they do not agree with hagwons to you because one of their classmates, who they too mention is one of the best scoring students in their hagwon, died by suicide when they didn't get enrolled in any university that they want. you observed them that every time they mention 'hagwon' at the dining table, you can hear one or both of your parents sucking their breath as the air around the three of you feel tense. they still feel traumatized until this day. the talk makes you feel more concerned and you don't want their concern to rise if they knew you enter a hagwon to study until the end of the day and then some.

so, as suyeon's car turns the corner outside of the school gate, you begin to walk your journey back home, the same 1 hour and 22 minutes with the significant difference of it is much more crowded streets and stations as the time is approaching the rush hours for commuters, especially those who lives outside of the city, are coming home.

you walk on the concrete pavement, passing a greenhouse you cross by every day. a place that the school uses for planting and botany club, or when students have to study plants for a project. you heard the chirping of birds under the blend of blue and orange in the sky, seeing a small brick shack beside the greenhouse where the gardener puts the gardening tools, manure, additional seeds, and lawnmower. you stopped your movements when you heard grunts behind it.

ears piqued up in concern as your feet brought you to the brick shack, the grunts getting louder with the additional thumpings as you carefully walk to the back of the shack, seeing a black-haired boy wearing your uniform leaning his forehead against it, hands formed into fists as he continues to punch them into the wall. seeing his knuckles and skin around it full of blood and little scraps of brick, you grimaced as you step back on the concrete path surrounding the shack, making the boy turn his head towards you, your enlarged eyes also reflected on his.

it's jongseong, breathing heavily as he turns his forehead back to the wall, closing his eyes.

the same park jongseong that got the position of one of the vice presidents. the same park jongseong whose trembling eyes haunt you the entire day today. the same park jongseong that gives a small smile after giving you a chocolate a week ago. now looking like a crack vase that can be broken into smithereens by a single touch. you silently gasp, realizing what might have gotten him this way.

park jongseong, as you can define him, is someone who can get everything and always makes his wishes into reality. requesting new desks and chairs for all the students to his parents after he got a scratch from an outward spline of wood on his desk back in the first year, requesting the lunch menu at school to be more diverse other than stew and rice, both of them you heard from gossips shared by the cleaning staffs as you walk home last year.

but, he didn't get what he wanted this time. he isn't elected as the student president and it is why, you think, broke him. realizing his trembling eyes were him probably stifling to not argue or asking why people are not voting for him. he was finally able to let it out here, behind the shack, hidden from everyone as he doesn't want his reputation to be tarnished. until you found out.

walking forward towards him slowly, not wanting to startle him, you can see the creases on his face folding hidden behind the wall and his hair. your hand slowly reaching one of his fisted hands that rested in the dent on the brick wall, hearing his breath hitched as your skin meets his, gently enveloping your hand around his wrist as you can feel him slacken the hold of his fist, signaling to you to do whatever you want with it.

you see behind you a tap with a green hose connected to it, wrapped into a thick circle. you gently pull his fist away from the wall, seeing the blood blending into the bricks' lighter red color. your soft pull on his wrist also pulls his body as you walk to the tap, bringing him down to sit on the concrete path and feet on top of the grass gently as you pick up the end of the hose and turn the tap on. the water coming down the tap and into the hose as you kneeled in front of him, pulling his wrist to float on top of a patch of grass and the water hose right beside it.

as the water falls out in a steady light stream, you carefully let the water run on top of his hands, seeing the dirt, scraps, and blood flowing down following the curvature of his fingers to the grass. you peep at him as he hisses then lean forward so that his upper body is closer to the grass, eyes flicking between your hands helping to rub his hands and you who knelt beside him. you look up to see his face empty of emotion and no dried tears on his cheeks as he moves his other hand so it will get cleaned between the water and your gentle touch. you turn the tap off and let go of the hose as you sit by his side, resting his hands on top of your knees then reach to the backpack behind you and pick out a small pouch you call your mini medkit.

you packed your own medkit as you remember how many times you got hurt back in your first year because of the same people that sit across from you in your class currently, knees scrapped every time they pushed you down, making you always go to the nursery to get it treated. well, you don't want to burden them all the time. so, you packed up your own stuff instead, patching the wound up silently at your table or while waiting for the train to arrive on the way home, hoping your parents won't notice the existence of bandages on your knees or elbows.

the pack of bandages inside the pouch is full, still hasn't been used for this year. your ignorance of their taunts last year made them lazy to not do that again because you didn't react like what they wanted. you pull out a small bottle of antiseptic and a few sheets of tissue, staining it with the liquid as you dab it onto jongseong's wound, hearing him hissing while gritting his teeth. you mumbled out a small "sorry", making his eyes stick to your face instead as you continue to clean his wounds, pulling a few strips of bandage out, a colorful bunch that you bought at a convenience store near your house as the skin-colored one is sold out.

you wrapped them around the wounded joints of his fingers, the knuckles, and a few scrap skin around them, gently smoothing it out. you see his black backpack that you know costs more than yours sits behind him as you stand and walk to pick it up, jongseong's eyes on yours every time you take action as you kneel down and sit the bag beside his body.

you pressed your lips into a thin smile as you point behind you with your thumb, stepping away from his seated figure to the pavement beside the main road to the gate.

"wait!" you paused as you turn your body for the corner in front of you, hearing grunts and scrappings on the concrete path behind you.

"i'm jay," he spoke. you turn your head towards him, seeing one of his patched hands gripping the strap of his backpack that sits on his shoulder.

"i know," you murmured, he continue looking with his lips in a straight line. you realize how rude it must have been to just say 'i know' that you mentally slap your forehead.

"i'm (y/n)," you immediately replied back, lightly biting the inside of your lips because of the second-hand embarrassment.

"i know," he replied using your words, a slight smile on his face. your eyebrows slightly furrow hearing his answer. word of mouth does spread like wildfire, the same word of mouth you get to know him might be the same word of mouth that make him know you. he must have been thinking why would you help him.

"i've got to catch the train," you said back, him knowing you makes you openly communicate on how you get home. stepping away from the shack, leaving him behind, you walk to the gate where the security guard bids you farewell and you gave them a nod with a small smile.

as you arrived at the train station on your way to seoul station, you can see the rush hour commuters filling up the station. seeing from your phone that you are 10 minutes late from when you've intended to arrive, you untangled the wired earphones and turned the music on after you plugged them in your ears, pulling out your newest book you start to out from your bag as you see the front lights on the train coming from the dark underground tunnel. stepping into a pretty empty car, you instantly lean against the usual part of yours beside the door, one arm wrapping around and behind the silver handle beside the door as other passengers come in to fill up the middle area. you opened your book with both hands available as you lean back against the wall, starting your journey back home later than usual.

an hour and 22 minutes later, arriving at the same station you ride for the day as a few people other than you also stepping out, the sun has sunk into the horizon at exactly 18:00 on the digital clock of the station. you take your steps down the short flight of stairs and tap out using the transport card, seeing the lights at the buildings around the stations starting to light up one by one as you walk the thin road down the street and a few of the shopkeepers waving at you while walking past their shop. a small town where everyone knew everyone, other than tourists that visit of course.

turning the last corner, you see the warm light of mom's cafe under one other story. seeing her figure getting clearer, pouring stuff into cups behind the counter as you see kids younger than you sitting whilst playing card games on one table at the corner. the soft bell chimes as the door got pushed, and all the heads turn towards you. you give a smile as you see the kids wave and call your name, slowly walk to see the cards of halli galli laying on the table, before walking behind the counter, pulling your backpack off, seeing as it is your 'shift' starting for the next hour from the clock hanging on the wall near the cash register.

you've been trying to help mom for at least an hour after school since your second year of middle school, learning how her business works and how to greet customers, which are mostly the people in your town and your friends that went to the same school as yours. you never miss your time to help mom even though she worries that you might take a shower too late. yet, you insist, silently sitting your backpack by the entrance of the counter after arriving and taking your place at the cash register where mom can focus on making orders and cleaning up for closing.

that's when you heard the bell chime and two people with large backpacks stepping in. foreign tourists.

one of your town’s incomes comes from tourism as the people inhabiting there are smart enough to take care of their environment while also making interesting business. mom's cafe is one of the tourist attractions—reviews that you read said that her cafe has the right balance of minimalism, tropical, and traditionalism—serving staple snacks like dalgona to kimbap to serving freshly roasted coffee that is always prepared every morning.

you can hear the tourist muttering with each other. their backpacks are so tall it shows from their back as they walk towards the cashier where they skim-read the menu, talking with each other in a language that you can understand. german.

"Guten Abend¹," you spoke, making the two tourists' eyes widen as they smile warmly at you and a look of gladness seem to show their eyes for a split second. because from examining the words that you heard them say, they were confused about who should talk as it is not the urban setting they used to travel where people can easily speak in the lingua franca. introvert travelers, something you might aspire to be in the future as well.

"Was möchten Sie bestellen?²" you continue as they both stood in front of the counter, hands holding either side on the thick paper menu while you see their pupils from behind the counter tracing the fonts of the product the cafe is selling.

"Was empfehlen Sie?³" one of them asked, making you think about all the drinks on the menu that mom curated years ago when you got reminded of a few drinks you like that mom started putting on the menu in your first year of high school.

"Ich persönlich empfehle unsere Eisschokolade und Latte⁴," you said while pointing to the two variants of drinks, darting at them as they are staring from the menu and then at you. you look at mom who just taking a peep at you at the cashier, eyes trailing to the kids that looked at you bewildered, them knowing you that don't really like to speak but then speaking in a language so alien to them.

"Ich habe geholfen, den Geschmack selbst zu testen, und seitdem sind sie meine Lieblingsgetränke⁵." you leaned forward and jokingly whispered to the two tourists as they see you playfully moving your eyebrow, giggling between each other before they said they will get them with some baked goods.

as a daughter of a language and literature major, mom has always wanted her child to be multilingual like her or maybe more. as both of your parents now realized how important that is to be able to speak multiple languages as a child, they started to teach you other languages around the same time you learn your mother tongue, getting you to familiarize the many languages in the world through movies, songs, and books.

as one of your job is usually helping mom with her cafe since she is working mostly a one-woman-show for most of the time until holidays, you got to train the languages that you learned to the international visitors that arrived, asking what they want to order, listening in closely to how their accent works while improving yours to sound better. one of your goals in life is to learn an ancient language so you can able to read texts originally written in them such as latin or sanskrit.

"Auf Wiedersehen!⁶" you greet the tourist goodbye as you open the glass door for them, ruffling the hair of the kids that walked behind them who are starting to yawn while also doing high fives or fist bumps to them, closing the glass door as the kids walk into the street, immediately running on the asphalt roads to their houses.

you can hear the clicks behind you and the reflected lights on the glass puff out, the dark street lit by streetlights is now much clearer from behind the glass. you turn the sign at the door from 'open' to 'close' as you can hear mom calling your name. seeing her giving an endearing smile to you as you walk to pick up your bag and then to the back door towards the stairs to your home upstairs. resting for the night to repeat your routine once again by the morning, but you're starting to wonder about jongseong's hands you helped heal.

'have they gotten better?' you wonder as you settle inside your room, lighting up the candle at your bedside table.

a week has passed since the inauguration of the new student council members, and the memory of claps and cheers as each name is called to the stage while being introduced on which position they received starts to be brought back into your mind. you remembered seeing jongseong climb up on the stage as he walks to stand right beside jisung—who already has his own student council blazer, hearing claps and a few chants from his two friends that sat rows in front where you sat.

you and suyeon sat in the corner of the auditorium. some of your vision was obstructed by a pillar, yet, you can still view the council on stage as they took their bow, your eyes stuck to jongseong for a split second before you whispered to suyeon that you wanted to leave early, an uncomfortable feeling flooded your mind as you rather do something more productive like homework than stay. as you looked back towards the stage one last time to close the auditorium's door, you saw jongseong's eyes looking towards the door, towards a small silhouette he recognized as you who was stepping back and closing the door.

the slam of the door startles you from your gaze at the pattern of the bus right beside yours. your trance is covered by the music playing from your wired earphones as you see a teacher entering your bus, signaling to the driver that everyone is in. you look at the empty seat beside you where you put your backpack, the seat that was supposed to be for suyeon who is not able to go cause she has flu.

today was your school trip and you don't know where you are going. knowing the money your school has, they will probably bring you somewhere entertaining but also educating, renting premium buses with leather seats, buying fast-food chain foods and beverages that you all will probably get at lunch. you can hear the muffled talks of the people behind you even though the volume of the music you're hearing is nearly 50%, voices that crescendo as not only is your class in it, but also the other class right beside yours, jongseong's class.

sneakily turning your head, you glance at jongseong who is sitting in his two-seater with his bag and a neck pillow on the seat beside him, his figure turned around to reach his hand towards jaeyun and sunghoon sitting right behind him as they bicker. you remember jongseong's widened eyes when he steps inside the bus to see you sitting right at the front two-seater by the stairs leading down to the door, he paused on one stair as you turn your gaze away to your playlist, noticing in secret his friends nudge his lower back to quickly make him move forward inside, seating only two rows behind you on the other column.

resting your head against the cold window's glass, you can see the view outside, unlike your peers who immediately close their window with the tied curtain where they sat as if their skin will burn like a vampire would when they are exposed to sunlight. you can see the concrete barrier and the lack of motorcycles on the road, seeing the trees staying in place, unable to keep up to stay in your vision. feeling your eyelids slowly drooping from the soothing bus driving on the asphalt, your eyes see a blurry sign as it tells you where you are headed, now widening as you see the name of your suburban city nearest to your hometown. now way are we going there, right?

well, after viewing familiar buildings a few minutes later, you sit up straight on the leather seat as the bus enters the road that you usually see from time to time, seeing the back of other buses right in front of yours from the large front window. you see the entrance of the station you usually transit at when you go to seoul. the bus then follows the road as the sign of tall buildings slowly dissipates, arriving at a large parking lot for buses as you can see the building you haven't gone to in a long time. the aquarium.

as the bus hiss from the brake and stumble as it stops, you look at the blue-themed building with a few coral-reef-inspired sculpting on the roof of it. the teacher in front says that you only need to bring your important belongings to make it easier for mobility, so you slip your phone, earphones, wallet, and a pen inside your uniform blazer's large pocket as you stay put, waiting for the tangled queue to fix itself before stepping out last.

your feet lightly bounce from landing on the asphalt to queue up with your class as jongseong's class does the same. jongseong standing only a few people away from you as you can see other classes from the six classes of your year walking in line to the building, seeing a glimpse of the underground train station entrance where you used to visit here years back.

hands behind your back as politely as possible, you bow to the aquarium staff greeting you in as your homeroom teacher said that our job for today's study tour is to observe and make an essay about what we observed at home. the students let out a sigh of relief as you line up to enter the dark entrance illuminated by the lights coming from fishes and jellyfishes-shaped lanterns right beside the contrasting bright colors of the gift shop. as you step in, you see small aquariums on each side of the wall, and a few of your classmates leaning in closer to the aquariums as they see the sea creatures swimming inside.

you walk more inwards into the establishment, stepping on top of a glass floor where you can see the water and fishes swimming below you. yet, your vision is attracted to a rectangle pillar aquarium that extends from the ceiling to the ground full of orange-colored fish, the lights coming from below highlight the orange hue of the fishes in a right way and contrast it with the water's blue. you step towards it and lean forward to focus on one of the fishes, seeing it swimming across your vision as another small school swims to the other side.

what you didn't know was that someone was also observing the fishes across from yours, your eyes landed on theirs who are watching the school of orange-colored fishes.

jongseong's eyes trail down following the fishes as you can see his silhouette on the other side of the pillar-shaped aquarium, the rich blue hue from the light and the water's color making him have a vibrant yet monochromatic blue palette. his eyes landed on yours as you stood there, unable to move away. you straighten your spine as he follows, eyes looking at the fishes that doing rounds around the aquarium, slightly seeing jongseong's eyes still looking at you. you felt shudders coming up your shoulder as you look away from him to see a large screen-liked window that still looks large as ever from the memory of your childhood right behind jongseong's figure.

you walk around the pillar to the light blue-colored, large aquarium, seeing the large fishes like rays spreading their bodies as they swim, much more schools of fishes of different kinds swim all over the place as the decorations inside make it seem like you are seeing the ocean floor right as it is. footsteps are heard behind your figure and rested on your right side. peeking from the corner of your eyes, jongseong's figure stands there, looking up at the large aquarium glass. you turn back towards it as you admire the creatures swimming in harmony and peace.

"how can they look so graceful?" you muttered unconsciously. eyes moving all over the place as you followed new fishes that shows up in your vision.

"don't you live near the sea? you might see them before if you go into one." jongseong's words make you almost turn your head as you force it to pause. you never told him before that you live by the sea directly. the only time you mention you live by the sea was last year and he wasn't in your class last year. 'the thin walls have done its job right', you sighed.

"the last time i went into the ocean was 10 years ago," you mumbled, the corner of your lips slightly lifted, hoping he still be able to hear from your small volume. nevertheless, you took a side step closer to the boy as you want to tell him the words that are left on the tip of your tongue.

"and i almost died." he turns his head slightly towards you, seeing you give a nod with a tight lip smile.

sometimes, all the fantasies that you've read or watched got the best of you. you were in love with merfolks and sea creatures stories 10 years ago, believing that because you live near a sea does mean that you might find a merfolk friend or a talking fish sidekick that wants to be by your side.

you went into the ocean alone that day, already learned how to swim and float from practices mom and dad take turns to do for you. wearing your goggles, you swim into the water like what you trained before when you see something glimmer down there. you thought it was a treasure or even better, atlantis.

but, the dream must come to an end when you felt like you can't move one of your legs and you were in too deep, feeling yourself sinking down as you can only see the light being refracted by the ocean's water, air bubbles floating around you as you can see the surface of the water getting farther and farther from your goggle-covered eyes. fighting back to float is no use as your legs are numbing, closing your eyes to let demise take you.

that is when you felt you're being pulled up by your clothes, opening your eyes to see dad's blurry figure floating on the water from the salty water filling up the bottom of your goggle. his hands wrapping around you tight while he grabs a buoy and you can feel yourself being pulled.

that's when you grew to fear the inside of the ocean, a mild thalassophobia as a more fancy term. but, your fear came with a sense of respect as you seemingly can't look away if you came across one.

by the looks from where you stood, jongseong's fascination for the creatures of the sea seems to be new after taking some glimpses of him viewing the swimming fishes as large or larger than you two behind a thick layer of glass, sticking his eyes to one as it swims from the left to right then focusing on another afterward.

jay looks down to see an open palm right in front of him, trailing his vision to see you and your front side as the light illuminates it blue.

"do you want to get away and see the ocean yourself?" he turns to look at you facing him before looking away somewhere on his right, moving your head slightly to see the red numbers on a digital clock. the hand that you let out starts to tremble slightly, which stops when you felt something on it and felt it interlock between your fingers. it was jongseong's hands as he face back towards you, and you wrapped your fingers as well before dragging him away from the large aquarium window.

successfully sneaking past a few teachers and students thanks to the dim hallways of the aquarium, you both meet the sun outside the building where you guide him to run to the underground train station that you saw. walking down the stairs of the less-crowded station, you let out your wallet to pick up your card when you felt a tug, almost stumbling yourself before you find your balance. turning back towards the boy, you see him look between you and the wallet you're holding. him rubbing the back of his neck as he looks down.

"i don't have one of those cards for public transport," he said, making your eyes widen and your head tilt.

'what does he mean he doesn't have a public transport smart card?' was what crossed your mind when you realize why in a flash. jongseong spent most of his time in his own car, being transported here and there by his personal chauffeur.

suppressing a chuckle, you guide him to the machine where you can buy a transport smart card, him having a confused look on his face. you lean forward as you point to where he can put his debit card whilst pressing a few buttons on the touch screen. he pulls out his wallet and debit card to put it in the slot, giving you a nod as his confused expression looked at you picking the sparkly blue type of the various designs and the amount of money to be in the card, putting a specific amount—the exact amount to pay from when you go forth and back to the beach—as you know that he might not be using much after this.

seeing the transport card slotted out as he picks up his debit card, you pull it out and put it on his open palm, walking away first as you tap your own card at the gate. you looked back as you heard the same beep and him stepping to your side of the gate.

you lead him to the platforms—silently glad that there's only one line stopping at this station, seeing the train that is on its way to the opposite way you're going leaving, making you there with jongseong and a few security guards by each platform. you gently wrapped your hand around his wrist as he follows you to a seat underneath the sign of the station name at the side of the stairs. you looked down to let go of jongseong's wrist, drying your palm on the fabric of your uniform.

jay looks at you leaning against the wall behind him while looking down at your feet. he wonders if people notice you two disappearing or not, but by its looks, it is not your first rodeo in leaving class as you look as relaxed as ever. his eyes wandered to the unfamiliar train station he had never been to before, seeing the liminal space empty while advertisements banners also posters decorated small spaces at the pillars on top of a poster of, what he observed, a route map full of various colors of lines going vertically, horizontally, and diagonally. that's when he heard a muted chugging behind the glass window and door across from him, a dark concrete wall on the other side. he saw you straightening yourself up and standing up as you walk to the marked tiles on the floor where doors are, looking back at him before standing up by himself.

the train stops as the doors open and you both step into a pretty empty car. you point to the empty seats near you as jay walks to it and seats at the edge of the row, glancing at the seat beside him and you who instead stand in front of him, grabbing the handle hanging from the ceiling as the door stops and both of your body waver from the moving train.

"you're not gonna sit?" you see him looking up at you. you put your lips into a straight line and shooked your head, seeing him nod as the train runs on the rail, looking at the other cars from the windows at both ends from the one you are in, didn't see any uniform-wearing kids on the train. when the train stops at the first station of three that you have to pass until the end of the line, you see a mother and her son after finishing school stepping into the car. you put a small smile on your face as you can hear the son being excited to visit the beach that you and jongseong are also going to go to.

you've always wanted to have a younger sibling, seeing the little community of yours in a school setting where most of your classmates has sibling older or younger by a few years, being able to go to school and back together. but, as much as your parents try, they struggle a lot and ultimately give up by the time you almost drown yourself.

you were lonely, hearing stories from your friends about how their siblings and they play together while you lay on your stomach on your living room carpet, hearing the electric fan hum while you colored a coloring book until some of your friends ask you to go outside. instead, your loneliness is the one that grows your confidence even beneath your silent shell, being able to interact, in your mind, better than people in your town such as having connections with the storekeepers around the town.

you heard the last station's name—the name of the beach you're going to, walking towards the door as you heard the mother and son walking towards your vacant side. looking at jongseong who sat beside where you stand, you push your palm out which he instantly holds. the train stops and the door opens when you and he walk together, following the son that drags the mother with giggles coming from her as you climb the stairs out, tapping your card at the gate with jongseong right behind you.

the familiar saltiness of the sea can be smelled as you climb the last flight up to the surface, the mother and son that climbs before you two disappear into the light of the sky. you can hear the seagulls and the familiar sound of the rolling waves fading in as you step out, taking a breath of the air coming from the blue wavy ocean across from you, seeing the granite half wall blocking the sand on the other side. the empty road enables you two to immediately walk to where the wall is from the station entrance, steps following right behind you as you lean against the half wall while looking out to the view that you can't get enough of.

you felt jongseong's shoulder touching yours as he stood on your left, hearing him breathing in the air like you did before. you both face the south and see the sun that is now on its way heading west, you look to the east instead where he also leans against the wall. jay peeks at you as you look behind him to the horizon at the east, seeing a thin lighter shade of orange on the edge of the horizon, eyes squinting in confusion before you point your hand towards the east.

"my home is that way, kilometers away," you murmured as you inform someone at your high school for the first time where you exactly live. jongseong has known more about you by what he said back in the aquarium than you intended, making you just open up to him more than you do to suyeon even though you're closer to her.

yet, what is the meaning of close when you have helped him before? him joining you to leave his friends just so that you can stare at the ocean that is 70% of what the earth has? you still have lingering doubts in your mind that jongseong might tell you away since you can't take back the words you say seconds ago, but you also have a lingering thought that he can keep it a secret, the same thing you did as you didn't tell anyone about him hurting himself.

the walls in your school are very thin, as people say. anyone knows anyone's gossip and problems, crafting stereotypes that students can't seem to escape from, including you and even new students like suyeon who enter in the middle of the academic year. how you can know about the boy beside you is from the thin walls, allowing you to analyze people in your school more, something that you know you shouldn't take for granted knowing the elites you went to school with. and yet, you always like to be stealthy, letting out small pieces of yourself implicitly and for a small amount of time. they now know you don't live in seoul and studying there with a scholarship has given you hardship that you have to sustain, what if you're more flamboyant like them? more open? in your mind, it will ruin you more.

jay follows where your hand is pointed, the horizon there swallows the edges of the sky, water, sand, and buildings, not noticing that you're not beside him when he doesn't see your pointing finger anymore. turning around, he sees you stepping down a flight of stairs—not even five steps—to the sand on the other side of the wall. the indentation on the sand from your shoes can be seen as you walk near the water that receded back into the ocean. jay can't help but follow your figure as you took a step closer now on the wet sand, the wave rolling to the land as the water reaches your shoes, but you didn't flinch as it brushes your sole or even a few fabric on top of it.

you turn your head when you heard jongseong's light shriek behind you, can't stop yourself from letting out a giggle and take a stride towards him who looks down with an embarrassed smile on his face, his hand on his chest as you see him taking deep but erratic breaths. your hand naturally reaches out to him, holding his figure by the side of his upper arms, rubbing them as you can hear him now have a more stable pace. yours and his eyes met as you view his face, the small breeze of wind blowing your cheeks as the sleeves' ends of your uniform flowing from it. you let your hands trail down his sleeve and arms to his hands, finally noticing the light marks from his bandage-less knuckles and fingers from when you patch him, moving one of them away to lock the other with yours as he lets you drag him along the sandy beach away from the stairs.

a cluster of shells rested on top of the creamy sand, colors of mostly white and pastel hues of brown and pink attracting your eyes as you let go of jongseong's hand and walk to reach them, seeing the shiny sheen on the outside being reflected by the sun like pearls. you took tiny steps as you observe the variant of the shells being left by small crabs or other critters when you found a periwinkle shell that has such nice ridges and a solid color, then you crouch down and pick it up, brushing the sand outside and inside of it away as you put it in front of the sun, seeing some of the parts let the ray thinly pass.

turning your body around, you see jongseong's eyes on the shells with his hand beside his uniform pants. sneakily walk around his range of vision, you arrive at his side where he looks at you widening the pocket on his blazer, dropping in the shell you picked before closing it and give a light tap before you turn away and back to the shells.

you walk to where more shells can be found, crouching down as you try to see it closer, feeling the skirt around your legs brushing your skin as you see the abandoned yet beautiful items. you can hear your name being called from the sea as your eyes are slowly hypnotized by the swirling blues. a hand on the shoulder lets out a tiny startle from you as you see jongseong holding a shell of his own as he crouched beside you.

"for you," he said as he opens up his palm to show you a small ceriths shell, giving him a small smile as you pick it up and put it in your pocket when you notice a reminder notification on your phone lighting the inside of your pocket. picking it up, you see the reminder that you put before stepping into the bus earlier in the day and the time at the top. you straighten your knees as you look at jongseong while giving a solemn smile, he answers with the same look as he stood up and takes a last look at the ocean before walking away to the station.

you looked down at your hand and his tangled with each other, realizing that you've been doing it the whole time you went away with him as it swings from the moving train, trailing the hand that is holding yours to his figure that looks at the screen on top of the door. you pointed at the empty chairs again when you enter the car, instead, he took your hand in his and stood beside you the whole time. you wanted to let go, but as you felt his thumb rubbing against the back of your hands, you incline to not do it, letting it remain until you arrived at the station where the aquarium is at.

"yo, where've you been?" jay looks towards his friends both in their seats as jake asked him. he only tilts his head slightly as a tiny smirk grows on his face, looking at the window in front of him of you walking away to go somewhere. he wonders that since your home is close by, can you actually stay here rather than follow the others to seoul? in his mind, he knows that it might be a nuisance for you to go back and forth between the cities just because you go to school at one and home at the other, so he hoped you convince the teacher to stay like he wanted to as he stood behind to look at your silhouette in front of the blue sea.

he sees the teacher responsible for his bus stepping inside and counting the heads on the seats from the front of the bus. he can't help but look to the aquarium building you probably went into. where are you?

"okay, we have one more person left. please contact them if you know where they ar-"

"sorry miss…"

the teacher looks back as you emerge from behind her, now holding a gift shop bag with the aquarium logo and its aquatic design as you climb inside and step into your seat, which he does notice now the absence of a head beside you. the door closes as the bus hiss and drives away back to seoul. he leans back against his seat as he looks either to the window of grassy fields and forest of trees or your seat a few rows in front of him.

you, on the other hand, had continued to let the bag sit properly on the empty seat beside your own backpack. since suyeon is sick today and can't come for the trip, you made up your mind before the bus leaves to buy her a souvenir to wherever you go for the trip as you have some spare money to do so. putting your earphones in and taking out another new book, you spend the next hour riding from the suburban closer to your home and away from it back to the capital.

as you look at the dispersing crowd being picked up by their respective car, you felt the vibration on your hand as you successfully get suyeon's address, pretty close to a station as you recall the seoul metro lines you mostly memorize. pocketing the phone in your pocket and crouching down to tie your shoes before you took a step towards the pavement, you can hear your name being called. slowly looking up, you see an open window of a car stopped on the road in front of you, jongseong's figure sitting inside the backseat.

"where you going?" you heard jongseong say as you walk closer to his car, not wanting him to use too much of his voice. you pointed towards the bag that you hold and the gate of the school, seeing a beige-colored seat beside him with his school bag sitting on top, enough for you to compare the dark tone of the seats in dad's car that your family used from time to time.

"dropping it for my friend," you mumbled to help him gain the context. that's when you saw him looking at the bag you hold before replying.

"let me bring you there."

you shook your head as you give a small smile, comfortable enough to take the train instead as it is your main form of transportation.

"i insist. after bringing me to the sea."

you blinked your eyes as you looked at the other cars starting to leave one by one, getting reminded of what kind of setting you are in and how different it is from the ones you get from middle school where students are separated mostly by foot or bicycles. that's when you got reminded that suyeon doesn't know that you don't use a car to school. seeing jongseong moving towards the empty side of the backseat, you think that riding his car may be a good cover-up of the 'where's your car?' question she asked all the time as you finished the school day.

you gently open the car door in front of you as you enter the sleek black matte-colored high-class sedan, the interior much different from the outside when you see a man in the front seat, the chauffeur, giving a smile through the rearview mirror. smelling a citrus smell as you see the air freshener hanging at the front, jongseong slips his backpack to the floor of his seat as he glimpses at you closing the door.

"miss, can you tell me the address of the house?" you perked up as you heard the chauffeur ask, saying before that that you can call him mr. kim. as the car rolls down the streets of seoul after you told him the address of suyeon's house, you cannot help but look at the glass skyscrapers with their marble bases rising up into the sky.

the last time you went to visit your grandparents in seoul, you were sleeping in the backseat of the car so you haven't seen any changes after a long time of not going to downtown seoul with the commercialized street and the buzzing businesses more internationally known and invested. as the car enters the alleys like the ones you usually walk into when you're on your way to the school, you see cafes and restaurants with smaller retail stores then followed by a more residential area with stone walls acting as fences, the car stops in front of the exact number of suyeon's house with a glazed wooden gate at the front, a definite need for a middle-up class house in wealthy seoul.

walking to the white button that stands out from the dark grey wall, you press it, hearing a bell ringing as you can see the black dot on top, the house camera. as you live in a less-technologized house, you wonder why houses and apartments in seoul use cameras, but living in an urban setting is much more dangerous as you hear homicide cases being done in big cities like seoul and busan on the news.

you wait silently with both of your hands holding the straps of the bag, discreetly looking back to the car as you wonder what jongseong might be doing or thinking about you giving something as affordable as a souvenir to a friend.

the sound of the gate being open and a few sneezes right behind it makes you look forward, suyeon is standing in a casual outfit, her nose has a crimson tint to it and a tissue on one of her hands.

"(y/n), what are you doing here?" she asked as you give out the gift shop bag to her. her eyes slowly turn bright and picking up the bag out of your hands, seeing what you bought her as you let out a small smile.

"aww so cute. thank you and sorry for getting sick." she puts down the bag and hugs you, making you stumble back as you didn't count for the hug to happen.

"you must be suffering from how lonely you are." she then pouts, your giggle enters her ears as she pulls away from you after whispering.

"i don't want to make you sick." you patted her hands after what she muttered before she slips back inside while waving with the other hand not holding the bag, you let out a chuckle as she sneezes again after closing the gate.

you turn to face the way to the nearest station that you can ride on your way to seoul station when you heard something sliding. you see the window at jongseong's side being open, mr. kim also looks toward you.

"i'm gonna go to the station now, thank you for the ride," you muttered before turning away and you heard jongseong's voice.

"you can ride with me again, to safe less money." he tried to convince you. you tried to shake away your head as you don't want to burden him, but jongseong has insisted before. and by the looks of it, he will do it again if you tried to deny the offer. you let out a small nod before stepping onto the seat you sat on before.

as the car stopped at the entrance of seoul station, you turn towards jongseong and mr. kim for the last time as you mumble a small “thank you” before going out of the car to enter the station. jay didn't know he was holding his breath the whole time it happened that he finally let it out as you turn a corner inside the station. he looks down at his lap as he remembers what happened in the past hours between him and you.

"if i were you, i won't let her go."

"huh?" jay looks up to see mr. kim looks at him through the rearview mirror, and a small smile that looks genuine decorates his face.

"she's a nice lady. bringing her friend a gift because they can't go on a trip? i've never seen that kind of kindness in a long time." jay turns towards the station, still being able to see the remnants of you leaving the car as it walks farther and farther.

"ah… yeah…" jay mumbles out as his hands unconsciously go to the pockets of the blazer he still wore.

"did you two go somewhere other than the aquarium? you mentioned the sea before when talking to her." jay looks surprised that mr. kim notices what he is told as his hands slip into the pocket, feeling two items sitting there as he pulls them out. the blue transport card and shell you give to him now sat beside him in the middle between where he sat and where you sat.

"yes, we did."

jongseong asking you to hang out on the last day of final exams and school before summer vacation was the least expected thing you have ever thought. yet, here he is showing up behind you and suyeon who are talking about the exam you went through and what you are doing in the summer, her saying she'll be going to japan while you replied by 'going to the sea', which is half-true because you have to help mom with her cafe as it is the holidays. after he asks, you felt a nudge on your arm as you peek at suyeon's who is leaning to your ear.

"since when are you close with jay?" you turn your head to see her squinting her eyes, a smirk on her face as she teasingly wiggles her eyebrow, hoping that the boy she talked about didn't hear what she said.

you and she have been open up about both of your love life—or whatever that is called as a teenager—in you two's corner of the cafeteria. when you mention you never dated anyone, you remembered the shock on her face as she complains while complimenting how attractive in every aspect you are, making you shyly look down. since that day, she has been jokingly pairing you up with people in your year and a few seniors. it is a miracle that she hasn't mentioned jongseong yet when she remembered jisung, yedam, and surprisingly also jaeyun and sunghoon.

"a long story." is what you can reply to her as she raised her eyebrows playfully before sarcastically excusing herself to leave the two of you alone, the rest of her fingers excluding her pinky and thumb folded, forming a "call me" gesture before walking away, maybe even making her skip giddily given the good mood she has.

jongseong continues to talk about how he wants to bring you to lotte world, the indoor amusement park you haven't gone to but you are intrigued. you've seen multiple variety shows on tv shoot their shows there, specifically a running man episode years ago where they use the amusement park's roller coaster as a part of their game. you remember seeing a few adverts around christmas time where they promote their skating rink. the childish lens of going to an amusement park covers your eyes as you think back about how fun it must look on tv, and how it must be more fun to be there yourself. that's why you say yes, making you text mom that you can't come home early.

what you also not expecting was that instead of using his car and mr. kim's service, he walks beside you as you both walk along the pavement to ride to the train station nearest to the school. your startled face makes him inform you that he asked mr. kim to pick him up after you both finish and him wanting to explore seoul's subway, seeing the blue transport card you pick for him the last time you went together with a train. the surprise doesn't even come from you only, but also from the security guard as you both walk past them, seeing their widened eyes before a small grin on their face is formed as they greet you and jongseong farewell.

you mostly take the lead in riding the train and where you should stop and transit at, seeing students your age also riding the train who sometimes you catch their eyes looking at you two. you wonder if it is because of your uniform and school logo, jongseong who stands beside you near the walls as you know your school is famous with other people including its students—excluding you, or the fact that you openly hold his hand in public where gossip can just fly around. they don't even know who you are or even search who you are on the internet if they want to find out. the walls aren't just thin at your school, you realized. they can also be just as thin in the city of seoul.

as you both arrive at jamsil station, you both stride in the winding hallways that are getting thinner and thinner to see the lotte world entrance in front of you. you feel chills on your skin as the air conditioner hits you when you step inside and walk immediately to the entrance to pay for the entry. with cash money that you've held cause you don't buy lunch at school, you take them out and give them to jongseong as he paid using his card. seeing him almost denying your money makes you squint your eyes as you nudge it towards him, making him chuckle as he accepts them.

you see the vast openness of the top floor of lotte world where most of the rides are, seeing people with their crowds, children with their families, and much more people wearing school uniforms as it is a staple to wear uniforms to lotte world that you saw a uniform rental place before entering. you see the skating rink below full of a sea of people, wanting to do it too but don't know if the time is enough. your eyes wander elsewhere when you see a stand full of headbands with people surrounding it and people in uniforms wearing headbands of their own, making you walk towards it.

you see the different headbands as jongseong stood beside you. your eyes catch onto a gray cat ear headband as you pick them up, feeling the soft faux fur on the palm of your hand as you turn towards jongseong and place it on his head. jongseong's surprised look makes you giggle as you pick another one for yourself and walk to the cashier, your turn in buying the headbands.

"you do know, i'm allergic to cats, right?" he whispers behind you as you shook your head, pulling out your own debit card and giving it to the cashier.

"i picked cat ears cause you're very elegant," you replied when the cashier gives back your card and the receipt, putting the headbands on him and you.

"while i like to be lazy just like they do." you jokingly said as you turn around and walk away, leaving jongseong alone to collect his thought before following you.

you both made a promise to take turns in buying stuff as you express with a look of disgust on your face the idea that he should pamper you cause you are the opposite sex, making him chuckle as you both continue to wander around. you didn't know that it also includes which ride you're going to take when he asks you.

'me?' you pointed to yourself as he replied a "yes". so, you stopped him and point to the viking ride then to the 360-degree track at one corner by the other. you grab his hand and dragged him across the avenue to the roller coaster you point, realizing it is the same roller coaster you see from the running man episode some years ago.

you felt giddy as you prepped yourself to climb inside the cart after putting away your belongings and headband. as you've already felt secured in the seat after the staff secured your restraints, you look towards jongseong who stares at you, eyes trembling. you let out your hands towards him which he grabs as the cart surge forward, slowly climbing as you bite your lips looking at the ant-like people beneath you walking in the open space.

thus, you can't let your eyes open as the roller coaster cart goes down with the rail, screaming like the people in front and back of you. you heard jongseong's scream that makes you laugh so hard as you climb the 360-degree loop and another loop before you arrive back at the start, exhaling as you laugh from the excitement that jongseong follows as well.

stepping down from the ride, you see people crowding the avenue and hear the sounds of music from a marching band. the parade is starting and you jog to stand in the crowd that has formed, seeing the acrobats doing their performance, colorful colors of confetti fly all over the place, you and jongseong hold hands. as you heard the speaking voices and children's voices hooted in excitement, you heard people beside you speaking differently than the other, piquing your interest.

"¿Lo has encontrado?⁷" you turn your head to see a couple of tourists twisting the map. you understand almost everything you heard when you listen to them complaining.

letting go of his hands, jay sees you approaching some people and he follows you through the crowd to see you seemingly talking to them in a foreign language.

"¿Puedo ayudarte?⁸" he heard you say, making him raise his eyebrows.

"¿Puedes hablar Español?⁹" one of the people replied.

"Un poco…¹⁰" you said proudly. jay understood the last few sentences, having learning basic spanish back when he used to live in seattle and went to an american elementary school. as he continue listening then he got confused.

"Estamos tratando de encontrar la entrada a la montaña rusa¹¹." the other person beside them says as he sees you leaning forward while pointing at the map, he stood close enough to hear you converse using a much higher-level spanish than the ones he learned back in the US. seeing you converse freely like it's your second language. he sees you smile as the other two looks at each other before walking away.

"¡Muchas gracias!¹²" he sees you bow as the two tourists walk away.

"De nada…¹³" you replied as you give a small nod as the tourists cannot be seen anymore, looking down when you see the familiar hand holding yours.

"didn't know you can speak spanish…" he whispered as you turn to look back at him. your head tilts with a small smirk adorning your face before looking towards the big ship behind the crowds.

"let's go to the viking ride before it gets full." he lets you dragged him as you walk to the last ride of the day.

setting down the lunch and beverages you bought, you look around the cafe that jongseong brought you to outside of lotte world, he said that eating areas in the park are usually full around lunchtime, especially since tomorrow is the first day of summer vacation. so he brought you outside and walk to a cafe he found. you asked if he has been here before and surprisingly he hasn't, saying that he found them out when scrolling through recommended places on social media.

you sit there quietly, sometimes catching each other's eyes, and a smile tugs on both of your faces as the sounds of other people fill up the quietness instead with some clanks of utensils thrown in.

"thanks… for today and the food…" you murmured as he smiles back at you.

"you're welcome. really glad you enjoy it... i did some pre-planning unlike when you brought me to the sea." jongseong replied as you notice that you were the only ones in uniform in the cafe. looking back, you see him looking at the faded scars on the knuckles, the mark of the first time you truly interact with him.

"and thank you for patching me up." he added as you give a small wave of "no worries" that you hoped he can understand. he sighed as you gaze at him concerned, furrowing your eyebrows as you see him looking back at you.

"that day when i hurt myself… i was in a rage with myself for not winning the election." you heard him scoff as he straighten his pose.

"such a childish act if i thought back about it but that was the first time i've ever felt bitter about something." you slightly pouted your lips, hands paused as you try to be attentive towards him while he chuckled.

"i thought that my programs, visions, and missions are enough to be the pick as it isn't as lopsided as the others." he bobs his head, wetting his lips to help him continue to talk before a scowl starts to form on his face.

"and i thought that treating people equally is enough to make people vote for me." you look down at your food as you try your best to eat them up so that you don't lose appetite.

"that is until when i give you that rocher that it changes everything." your ears perked as you got mentioned and close your eyes as the doubts in your mind that day shows up and scream at you "told you so" that deafens what he is saying. but you shook your head away as it pauses to let you continue to listen.

"heard a rumor about me coinciding with you or such… making them turn off from voting for me to vote for the others instead." you wanted to blame yourself for that day after getting the full context from what he has spoken.

he lost because of you. because you accepted the chocolate and eat it after minutes to think about the consequences coming ahead and it became true. you felt disgusted with yourself that you've done such an act that damnifies him.

"but i don't regret it." you heard his voice penetrate through your thoughts. the sting in your eyes you didn't know was there slowly dissipates as your eyes raise to see him now looking at you.

"even with the rumors surrounding you, i get to see you in action when you give the new girl your own seat after her terrified look." your eyebrows raised as you blink rapidly from his perspective of the encounter.

"i was walking to grab my friend for the campaign when i see from the window. and that's when i started to think differently of you." his words make you slowly let go of the utensil you are holding gently on the plate in front of you.

"then when you helped patch me up? it solidified that you are a nice person without the glitz and glamour that i used to see on others around me." you let out a huge sigh as you take in what he said, sending warmth all over your body and your heart fell full.

you were mostly the same between what you do at home and school but the prejudice of you versus them just blinded the people other than suyeon who were probably around the same level as you mentally, deterred but resourceful. so you were starting to be glad that you did what you did to suyeon on her first day. all you wanted to do was to protect her and hopefully not see her being treated like you do.

"thank you for making me validated." your direct reply before continuing to eat.

jongseong is also alongside you when you ride to seoul station, sometimes asking you how many minutes it takes for you to travel between home and seoul, exposing to him the station name of where your little town is that you cannot take back, pinky fingers wrapped around each other as your other hand grip the handle on the train.

as you both stepped out of the train at seoul station, you brought him near the gate as the transit to the line you're going on next is the same way as the exit. you stood near the middle of the big hall as you wanted to let go of his pinky but instead, the grip tightens, making you lightly hit him on his arms before pouting.

successfully letting go, you walked away when you felt a tug on your wrist and your body being embraced in his arms, knocking the breath out of your lungs as he part away with a concerned look on his face when you smooth your hands against his, feeling your fingertips against the scars on his knuckles.

you looked around to see the digital clock as the train is almost coming, slowly letting go of his hands as you walk backward, waving your hand at him with a smile on your face before turning around to walk to your platform, leaving jay alone as he lingers his gaze at your retreating body before walking to the gate and meets up with mr. kim is at the parking lot of the station.

you lean your temple against the wall as you gaze at the sun setting down with its orange and purple sky as oohyo's song is playing in both of your ears, hands lightly wrapped against the metal handle to help your body not flail. another transit and another train ride later, you arrived at the station where the sun has fully disappeared and the moon and stars were much more visible, finally has their time to shine.

you see mom at the counter after saying farewell in a foreign language you understand to a solo traveler as they walked out of the cafe, seeing you entering with a smile on her face that you mimic back.

"how's your day?" you heard her ask as you put down your bag to help mom close the cafe. you replied with a thumbs-up, hearing her giggles entering your ears.

"so, who's this friend you went out with?" you looked from the corner of your eyes to see mom wiggling her eyebrows making your pursed your lips.

"it's just this boy that i helped and he helped me back," you said as little as possible, knowing that at dinner both your parents want to know everything. they are high school lovers after all and will tease you to death if they can find those little tendencies you're now having with the boy you mentioned to her, making the corner of your lips tug as you let out a smile.

the smell of roasted coffee sticks on you for the past summer as you return to the counters after serving the beverages. the whole summer vacation you have is used to help mom as your theories are true. not only are you doing full-time for her because of the increasing amount of customers, mom even opens more summer job applications for your friends in the neighborhood to help her.

today is exactly one week before summer vacation ends. you stay true to the words you said to suyeon when you tell her you're staying by the sea, seeing notifications by her giving you updates on going to harry potter world in osaka while you give a photo of the sea a few meters away from your home.

you have fulfilled your promise to tell her about your blooming friendship with jongseong, sometimes interchangeable with calling him jay even though you've always called him jongseong in your mind. you remember her talk with you in your bedroom, a reply saying along the lines of "i'm happy for you and i'll support you along the way."

the reminder of the words of support forms a small smile on your face as you help put the freshly baked pastries and cakes that one of your middle school friends give to you into the display case. crouching down to make it easier to put, you heard the ringing bell by the entrance of the cafe, making you straighten your feet as you look towards the entrance to greet the new customer.

it's jongseong, looking around confused before his eyes are now on you, a smirk showing up on his face after realizing he’s in the right place.

you rub your palm against your apron as you head to the cashier where he walks towards, stifling a chuckle as you can see your other friends teasingly look at you before going to the kitchen to help mom. you lean against the counter as you see jongseong looking at the menu in front of him.

"welcome, how may i help you?" you said with confidence in your voice. he risen his eyebrows while slightly biting his lips, looking up at you.

"can i order an iced americano and your favorite drink? both takeaways," he replied, making you chuckle as you look away while he continues.

"and your time, if you can. the drink is for you too, i'll buy them." you looked up as you pursued your lips to contain your smile.

you squinted your eyes as you lifted your apron slightly and widened your arms to the situation you're currently in, that's when you felt hands on your shoulder as you peek beside you to see mom.

"you must be jongseong…" she directly said as you turn towards her, not trying to panic as you see him nod with a slight crease on his face.

"i'm (y/n)'s mother, nice to meet you!" you see jongseong shaking his hand with mom's as he greets her, looking between you and mom as you see from the corner of your eyes her teasing smile.

"you know what? as (y/n)'s boss, technically, you can end your shift early." your eyes widen as you look at mom after hearing her words, opening your mouth and wanting to refute when she cuts in.

"but you're making his orders first before leaving. you can put the apron at the counter right beside the beans." mom said as you see her leave to talk with the other workers to see how they are doing. you looked back towards him as you nod and let your hand out for his payment.

he waited at the other side of the counter as you created your drinks, iced americano for him, and iced chocolate for you. the sound of you preparing the beverages filled the air between the two of you while you can smell the distinct caffeine smell. putting your apron down on the counter like what mom said, you picked up the two beverages and give one to jongseong, saying farewell to your friend that replaces you at the cashier as you see her giving you a wink before you teasingly roll your eyes and left the cafe. shaking the cup in your hand to help stir the drink inside as you walk mindlessly on the street with jongseong following behind.

"what made you come here?" you look towards him as he turns his head to see you.

"just wanting to visit you. last time we talked on that train you mention where you'd live. so why not visit?" you raise your eyebrows after hearing him.

"didn't you say you're spending your summer in seattle?" you reply as you recall talking to him about seattle on the train back from the cafe, where you found out is where he was born, and where he said he is spending his vacation for summer. remember that he told you he can speak basic spanish but when hearing you talk he was very confused, making you chuckle.

"i landed yesterday then spend the rest of my day sleeping before visiting here." he then yawns as you squint your eyes at him, shaking your head at how unbelievable he is.

you see him pulling out his trusty blue transport card as you looked at him in shock that made you cover your gaping mouth, hearing his chuckle before sipping his coffee. you're proud that he is brave enough to travel by himself by train following the route that you taught him with maybe the help of a gps, seeing how much he has changed to be independent and you hope to change for the better.

you both arrive at a street where the grass hills formed on the other side of the asphalt road, climbing up the faded dirt path as you glance to see him following you up the grassy field, seeing the kids flying their kites while a few are playing traditional games or ball games. you walk around them as they see you and greeted you, making you give a small wave before climbing a small grassy hill that is empty and a perfect view to overlook the field below and the sea right behind it.

brushing the grass like you used to do as a child, you sit down on the soft grass and straighten your legs and upper body, breathing in the clear air as you close your eyes to feel everything coming in close. hearing the same light crunch beside you as you glance at jongseong sitting down, posture similar to yours as the ocean's wind slightly blows his hair. he closes his eyes to feel the relaxing vibe exude by the summer's sun, the salty gust from the ocean, and the laugh of the children as you stayed quiet to let him be.

every weekend, you always tried to refresh your mind by sitting at the same rolling hills you sit currently. close enough to the sea that it doesn't trigger your phobia in some way. yet, every time you see the waters, you still can smile, enjoying the crashing waves while staring at the blue and white sailboat that is being rented on the docks at the beach, for locals and tourists.

while you sip on your drink, jongseong starts to drink his americano, letting out a refreshed sigh as he glances at you. you can't help but chuckle as you turn away to focus on the kids' colorful kites flying in the sky. how'd you hope that you can be as free as those kites like you right now for the rest of your years.

"after much thought and a trip away to seattle..." you turn your head slightly towards the boy beside you as he talks.

"i understand why you are so quiet." he looks towards your side profile, you staring blankly at the grass's top edge being blown by the wind. you hummed as you spared a look at him, seeing that he is feeling genuine.

never has someone thought your silence means something more than you. but as what you felt as the result of such atrocities you felt back in your first year, you realize being quiet is much better. as jongseong told you that he understands why you are so quiet gives a sense of connectedness that is getting closer and closer, not that jongseong and you aren't close but given the time between spring and almost the end of summer and your track record of not being good at making friends other than acquaintances, it is dynamic yet scary to think about.

"not speaking up my mind and just ignoring people all around you." he starts to speak, letting his breath out in a stable manner as he put down the cup on the grass while wiping his hand on his pants.

"feels kind of melancholic but it doesn't increase the pressure on your shoulder." you looked down at your hand as he continues, bobbing your head in agreement.

he continues to talk about what the people around him at school have been like ever since he gave the chocolate to you. yet, guilt still trying to crawl out of your gut as you listened, wanting to interrupt on how'd you felt by being the catalyst of what happened to him. in the end, he is telling you that he wants to try your thing too, to ignore the spreading words between the two of you.

you replied with nods as you pull out your phone and wired earphones, seeing him looking at the two items while you prepare yourself to listen to music.

"can i listen too?" he asked as you look towards him. you form a small smile as you give the other bud to him, the sound of the rhythm guitar filling up your ears as the drums followed right behind and the lead guitar's wails that makes you imagine images in your head.

"what band is this?" you turn towards him.

you replied, "the volunteers. an indie band." you see him nod as he follows you to stare at the ocean.

"any member that i know?" jongseong questioned as he bobs his head to the rhythm.

"hmm, maybe baek yerin cause she was from JYPE, she is the frontwoman." you bob your head as her voice filled one of your ears, glancing at him to see him bob his head. eyes resting to look at the blues and greens while you both continue to consume your drinks until the cups are empty as you both sit quietly together.

"you have great taste in music." he replied after a few songs, making you giggle as he continue. "it'll be fun to see them play someday," you respond with a nod as you gather both of his and your empty cups together.

"have you thought about what you want to do after graduating?" you heard him ask, peeping at him while also observing the fluffy clouds above you.

"studying classics in the modern world or around that field…" you muttered then look towards him, seeing his bewildered look before he fell out of his trance. you slant your head as you glance at him.

"probably studying between cooking, fashion, or music," he answered as you stared at him instead. you heard his dad owns businesses and you thought he will inherit that someday but you're stunned as his parents give him that much freedom.

many of the students in your class when talking about majors to take, they will pick around the area of economics, medicine, law, or engineering. you understand why they might pick them as you heard their parents might work in those fields too. many competition means they have to try for the survival of fittest. your choice of picking classics is probably a cop-out but at least you followed what you want to follow.

you sighed as you both stare at the ocean, your hands hugging your knees and your face muscles relaxing from the cool breeze. feeling something on your shoulder, you peek at the corner of your eyes to see jongseong putting his chin on your shoulder, glancing his eyes towards yours as you turn your head slightly. his hand is on your other side as you look down when you felt it on your waist. your nails can't help but slightly rub your fingertips as your mind is running all over the place, eyes wandering to the flying kites in the sky.

breath hitches, you move your hand to take his, making him lift his head up as you turn your head fully towards him. the scar on his knuckles almost fully disappears as your thumb traces them one by one. feeling his breath lightly brushes your face as you peek at him leaning closer, his forehead gently meeting yours as the hand that wraps on your waist moves to cup your cheek. both of your lips hover near each other, closing your eyes as you can't bear how nervous you are with him rubbing your cheekbones, then you heard the scream of the children down the hill and water dropping on your head as it gets heavier and heavier.

leaning away, you stand as quickly as possible so the grass doesn't get wetter for you to slip and fall, pulling the buds of each of your ears as you both run in the sudden rain to a bus stop beside the hills. you were glad you were wearing overalls with pants that can make you run fast. jongseong shakes his head as the water falls out of his hair, the sky doesn't even look dark like the rains you used to see as you put your hand out, the raindrops hit your palm. your shoulders slump as you see the kids walking around with their umbrellas risen to cover them up.

but, you want to go out, to feel the freedom you have right now.

feeling that your pocket is deep enough that it takes a few drops to seep into the inside, you step out as your turn back towards him when you see his raised eyebrows.

"come on, jay. you know you're brave enough." you talk louder than you used to do to fight the sound of the pouring rain as your eyes smile and spin around in the middle of the empty street, walking backward slowly as you jokingly taunt to leave him if he didn't follow. him stepping into the rain makes you grin as you stride to hug him, letting him feel wetter from your body, giggling as you lean back to see his defeated face before forming a smirk himself. letting go, you walk first to leave him behind as you walk down the wet road on the way to your home.

the memory of you playing in the rain for the first time comes back to you as you walk around, jumping into puddles where you heard jongseong's yelp that makes you laugh, swinging around the utility poles like you're gene kelly in singin' in the rain, chasing jongseong after he nudges you before you nudges him back hard, arriving at the cafe where mom looks at you two and throws you towels, seeing her shaking her head while you squeeze your hair into the towel as the sun is slowly setting outside with the rain covering it.

jay goes upstairs of the cafe after you gesture to him, seeing a small quaint home upstairs as he rubs his skin around his neck and arms with the towel your mom gave him. the home feels like a home, small enough but filled with decorations that feel like what a house should be. he stood by the stairs as you walk past him, not wanting to stand inside until you allow him even though you point to his shoes as you get yours off before stepping inside. he steps in after seeing you in a fresh new outfit, giving some clothes to him.

"it's my dad's. it's not much…" you gesture your hand as you look at his outfit, knowing that it costs higher than what dad has.

"it's fine…" he smirks as you point to where the bathroom is.

you were washing your hands to prepare for dinner when you heard footsteps coming from the stairs and behind you, sensing that jongseong is standing behind you to help heat up some food. that's when you heard dad and mom's voices coming inside the home, making both you and he turn your head towards the pair.

"jongseong, isn't it?" dad comes forward as you glance at him in front of jongseong.

"jongseong and jay are both alright, sir," he said with a clear voice, his hands politely sits in front of him. you heard dad hum before a chuckle.

"aww, jongseong. don't be nervous." dad wraps his arm around jongseong's shoulder as dad brought him away, hearing dad asking if he wants to stay for dinner as mom's giggles get closer as she helps you heat up and grabs the plates and utensils, still wearing her own apron as you see her plating the food in the pan.

as the last food came, you settle down in your usual chair, an empty seat beside yours now sits jongseong as you heard him and dad laughing from their conversation, glad that dad accepts him and jongseong accepts dad. as the four of you eat, there are a few times both of your parents interrupt to talk as they both teasingly look at you.

"so, jongseong, how did you and (y/n) get close?" mom said as you looked at her with wide eyes, turning your gaze towards him sitting beside you with a spoon in his hands.

"genuinely, we just clicked after…" he turns to you as you look at him, giving a small nod when he looks down to see your hand resting on top of his lap.

"she helped me heal my wound after i got hurt." you felt his fingers locking with yours as you look back at your parents that are chuckling like they're teenagers themselves. this was the first time you ever brought someone home and also your first time seeing your parents act like this, looking very youthful with creases showing as their face contorts into a smile, making them look 10 years or younger than they actually are.

"that's actually like one of ours first encounters, between me and (y/n)'s mom." dad continues as he tells one of the stories of how they met up when dad rested hidden behind the building after being pushed by his "friend" while mom helps to patch him up. you observed how four of you talk together and how harmonious it is.

they looked disappointed when he has to leave, handing you an umbrella when you waited for jongseong to pack his wet clothes up as you will guide him to the station knowing that the last trains are running, and you don't want to worry mr. kim or his parents. you both stepped down to the closed cafe, the room was dark with lights only coming from the hallway of the stairs going up and the streetlight outside with the rain still pouring down.

jongseong walks with you in the rain as you put the umbrella between the two of you, the streetlights lighting up the road as you both walk to the station. you see his hand reaching yours that is holding the handle, stabilizing the umbrella as you walk on the wet road, seeing water running down to the drain as you fight the little current flowing beneath your feet.

"so, jongseong huh?" you heard him say beside you, letting a chuckle out that you follow with yours as you bob your head.

"i felt awkward calling you jay, you know?" you lightly pout as you felt him nudge your shoulder.

"i only allow my parents, jake, and sunghoon to call me jongseong. but you?" you see him raise his eyebrows, "you get a pass." and that makes you smile as you can see the station in front of you two, crossing the road with rails in between the asphalt.

"oh sh- i almost forgot," he exclaimed as he rummaged the pockets of dad's old clothes, which dad said it is now his to pull out something glimmering under the raindrops-shielded streetlight. he holds onto your hand to open up your palm, putting down a cherry-shaped keychain. the light illuminates the red as it gets brighter beneath it and the stem leading up to the chain and hook.

"i know it's not much…" he mumbles while looking at your hand as you close it and lean towards him, giving him a small peck on his cheek.

"it's enough," you muttered as you can see two lights in the distance behind him, his train. you walk him to the covered entrance of the station while he looks at the train coming closer.

your hands wave as he steps onto the platform with the train coming to the station, seeing him wave you back as he steps into the train car. you take a few steps back as the train runs on the track, looking up to see the train runs on the rail in front of you with the crashing waves behind you.

as you arrived back home, most of the lights in your living room are turned off except for a few nightlights in a few corners. stepping inside your room with its own yellow nightlight that you put on while you change clothes, you set the cherry keychain down beside the shell jongseong gave you on your bookshelf, remembering that you kiss him on the cheek and almost on the lips as you caress your lips.

'what is this feeling?'

you wonder as you got reminded of interactions between you and jongseong like how you see your parents. even though quiet, silence is loud enough to give off the aura you both have, in a positive way.

both of your thumbs move on the screen on your phone as you zoom in on the written words in the image. eyes widen, eyebrows furrowed, and your tongue pokes the inside of your cheek; you stare at it amazed as the words in the image that jongseong sent you through the new contact of him you've just gotten earlier in the day have now registered in your mind. a colorful poster with lists of musicians performing that you realized was one of jongseong's main program if he won the election, now a reality as you read the few lines of explanation written former to the image being sent. how yedam actually likes the idea of the festival as a way for more teens in the area to have their own opportunity to enjoy the music culture of seoul.

what you can't believe is the names of the musicians you listen to with jongseong that day at the end of summer appearing there, combined with a few kpop acts such as tomorrow x together and lee heeseung that you know costs a lot of money. maybe they wanted to add more to the lineup and since the artists you listen to are more towards k-indie, it costs less than those idols that have a whole lot of staff in their entourage. but the appearance of a certain the volunteers and a few artists you introduce to him makes you think that he thought it thoroughly, inspired by the kind of music you listen to other than pop as a way to introduce them to others.

you almost slip your phone on the moving train when it trembles with the information as the main reason, almost embarrassing yourself in a car full of working commuters who just finished their job. you smile sheepishly at your foolishness and internally facepalms yourself when you stand upright to lean against the wall. then, you see a notification showing up on the screen as you stabilize yourself by holding on to the metal handle. a notification from jongseong.

"i bought you and your friend tickets so you can come together. i'll see you there!"

you nibble on your bottom lip as you hear the announcement of the station you have to transit in arriving soon. smiling to yourself at the thoughtful action from the boy as your heart and mind relax, followed by suyeon's notifications now showing up on the top, her caps locked words express how excited she is about the music festival in the middle of autumn.

after summer ends and you start to go back to school, you can sense the difference between this semester and your previous semesters where you are mostly alone—still as quiet as ever yet with a difference with suyeon right beside you. you both started to open up with each other. you remembered the shock and a drop you felt inside you when suyeon told you her perspective of her first day of school here and the revelation that the same group of people that belittles you in your first year was the same people that bullied her in middle school. telling each other stories about what you both experienced in the empty classroom as the others have left the school one day, giving gloomy smiles to each other after tell-all stories of your experiences of being left behind and ignored.

the biggest difference is the presence of jongseong in your day-to-day life. through small glances between each other as you pass the hallway, you both actively try to let things be as normal as ever, not letting the school knows the business between you two; knowing the tension it produced to know that their most respected student hangs out with the ‘unrespected’ student and a surprise on how peaceful their relationship is. yet, outside of school, you use two days each week after school walking through the street of seoul together. ‘cafe crawling’ as you like to call it when you both visit all sorts of cafes from the most minimalist ones, like the one he brought you after going to lotte world, or to a dog cafe where jongseong doesn't have to worry about sneezing too much while rubbing a head of a puppy. sightseeing the less-industrialized area of seoul where you sat down to enjoy each other’s presence as you read a book in a quaint and antique-looking bookstore while he is doing his student council business.

both of you started to introduce each other's friends to create the circle you once hope for when you entered high school. suyeon smirks the whole time as she looks between the two of you with jaeyun and sunghoon poking fun at jongseong to the death, making you hide behind your friend as you whispered jokingly how scared you are to them, introducing them to the little secret that is you and jongseong's relationship. still, when they asked if both of you are officially a couple, your lips went dry as you look at jongseong that sits across the booth of a restaurant all five of you are having for an early dinner after school.

you never officiate your relationship with each other as you just want to enjoy the flow of the journey. this was the first time you have ever been close to a boy which is more than what you experienced with the boys back in your neighborhood during your tween days, where you are active in playing traditional games and telling ghost stories at school nights—girls are there of course. but, holding hands? cheek kisses? that's what people consider as another step towards something more than friends. jongseong never really commented on it, which made you not want to ask him either. nevertheless, that nagging feeling is still stuck inside you until this very day.

as you and suyeon exchange the tickets to the bracelet that differentiates the holders and step into an unrecognizable atmosphere of your school grounds one weekend, the sun setting behind the school building slowly making the light turns on one by one. you see a stage erected in the middle of the football field as you can hear a voice that you recognized is baek yerin's and the band preparing their set while introducing the members, making you silently pull suyeon to go with you to the stage. people your age, even older, stood in front of the band as they played their first song on the stage, feeling a sense of fulfillment inside you.

"this is my first time seeing you this giddy." suyeon whispers into your ear as you felt her arms wrapping around your shoulder, now just realizing the muscles on the corner of your mouth are lifted so high as you quickly lower it down to save face, making the girl beside you laughs. seeing the band slowly getting into their element, mesmerizing you.

you stood there the whole time, not moving your feet or position as you listen to the songs you listen to through your wired earphones and phone now live in front of you. the speakers beside the stage booming out the live music being performed where you can recognize a tinge of difference that you can hear, as if your brain is supposed to pieces the melody, harmony, and rhythm together from the scattered wave flowing in the, now, night sky rather than the clean sound that enters your ears with your phone and earphones. you held on to a drink that suyeon bought for you as you can’t seem to look away from the stage for too long, bopping your head as the volunteers perform ‘violet’ with crashing cymbals and the chord strokes on the electric guitar, suyeon standing beside you as she drinks a cup of sprite of her own while bopping her head and moving her body to the music.

when the audience claps their hands as the band finishes their set, you felt your phone vibrates inside your pocket. pulling it out to greet the bright light, jongseong’s text can be read asking have you been enjoying it so far. your reply with a short "yes" but with a lot of exclamation marks as he sends a laughing emoji in reply. you look back to the stage to see another artist that you showed jongseong that day, meaningful stone, now on it as she and her band is preparing for their set. you can’t wait to hear her perform when your phone vibrates again and you see jongseong ask,

"can i see you?"

the sound of synth fading in surrounds the area as you hesitate to answer, your thumb seemingly not wanting to move on the keyboard. you wanted to meet him but if he is a crew, won't he be busy?

"aren't you busy?" you wrote as he then reply seconds after.

"the other crews under my care are doing their job so i'm free," he answered.

"go to him." suyeon says beside you as you turn your head to her, making you lightly jump and grip your phone tightly. you straighten your posture as suyeon chuckles, using your open palm to point at you then at her but you know what she will answer. "i'll be okay. go to your boy," she lightly pushes to guide you to the back of the crowd as you turn around to see her wave her hands and dramatically disappeared into the crowd, making you chuckle as you look down and wrote a "yes" to him.

when you read the location he told you to meet up, you let out a small smile as you look at the trees surrounding the school grounds. a speck of light behind one of them, knowing that only the greenhouse is built deeper behind the trees and bushes. you follow the pavement you usually walk to go out of the gates, walking the opposite way of everyone that just enters to see the performance and swerve off course when you are closer to where the greenhouse is and the little shack beside it. the path was dark only lit with a small yellow outdoor lamp sticking to the shack and the ones set near the greenhouse. you heard humming from the corner of the song that is playing right now. the song you introduced to him at that hill that summer.

"hey there, mysterious," you mumbled as jongseong looked at you turning the corner, leaning against the wall he used to punch his fist into with a smirk. your fingertips trace the brick wall as you walk closer towards him, feeling the dent that is left there right beside where he leaned against. he was wearing a crew outfit that you have seen a few of your peers wearing as you explore the field and a lanyard around his neck as he continues to hum, making you lean against the wall beside him, the dent right in the middle of the two of you. you look to the side to see the bright stage covered by the thick leaves and plants as the sound of the music disperses widely to the air, the soundwave only reaching where you at in a small amount as you heard it muffled.

"we've come a long way since that day." you turn your head towards him as he finally sounded, looking at the knuckles he slightly pushes out underneath the light of the moon and the lamps near both of you as the only sources of light that doesn't make you consumed in darkness. you look down towards it, the scars that he made and you healed in this very place, before letting your eyes track the areas where you sit that day covered in shadows yet silhouette is still visible, seeing a projection of yourself and jongseong that day sitting by the tap and hose where you clean him. your hand reaches out for his, so near yet so far as you don't want to lean in further, still afraid if you breach his space.

when he pushes his hand out to grab yours, you didn't get a few seconds to internally embrace that he made you smile as you felt your hand getting closer to your side again. jongseong now stood in front of you, making your eyes widen as you are trapped between his figure and the brick wall. you felt his fingers locking with yours as you look at his face, seeing one side of it shining because of the moonlight with a tinge of the orange from a lamp around the corner illuminating his ear; the other faded into the shadow yet since you see him often you can still able to trace them with your eyes.

you let your free hand reach up to lightly touch his illuminated cheek, making the light hit your hand instead as you glance towards his eyes where he slowly closed them. his head leaning more towards your palm as he lets out a huge breath, making your breath hitches for a second as his eyelids slowly open, a small smile adorning his face. you took a glimpse as his hand reaches up and cups your cheek near your jaw, him silently telling you that you can't move away, making you feel the same feeling as he is currently. nodding your head, his head moving forward as your lips meet each other, feeling your hand that was cupping his face getting stiff as you both lean away, his forehead on yours as you lean your head back, feeling the wall right behind it.

unconsciously biting your bottom lip, his hand moves from your jaw to your chin as he let his thumb press lightly under your bottom lip, letting it go from your teeth. your eyes can only see his as you blink before closing your eyes, leaning in first to let him know that it was okay as you felt the plump lips again. your hand now moves to stop at the junction between his neck and shoulder as both of you continue forward, not letting go anytime soon. as you felt the tip of his nose lean towards one side, you lightly push him close to you as both of your lips continue to mingle with each other. your interlocked hands gripping each other’s as you both continue, the small volume coming from the music is slowly getting muffled as you can only focus on the sound of your lips connecting and your heartbeat getting faster, taking in the air as he nibbles on your bottom lip before he moves back to its place that he has seemingly claim.

you didn't keep up with the time as you suddenly heard louder cheering than before from the stage, making you lean your head back against the wall gently as jongseong's nose tip brushed against yours. you tilt your head slightly to the side as you now recognized that lee heeseung is performing now. your eyes glance back at his face as he leans away so you can see him clearly, noticing how swollen his lips are as you think that it is the same as yours.

"i missed meaningful stone's set…" you murmured as you pouted, making him chuckle before giving a peck on your pouted lips.

"sorry… i just can't wait any longer," he replied lowly as he reach his other hand behind him to get your other hand and brought them in between each of your bodies with the other pair. you observe him looking at your connected hands, swaying them as you see him smile with adorning eyes. he slowly lifts his head to look at you as you waited.

"do you want to take it further with me?" he asked.

"dating you?" you mouthed as he nods, letting out a hiss before biting his lips.

how straightforward he is, you thought. you recall all the thoughts of when suyeon and his friends taunt the two of you to ‘just get together already’. dating was something you are not well-versed in as the closest you have to a "date" was some kid you played around with and you kiss each other’s cheeks back when you were five years old. the thought of having someone by your side and support you, and vice versa, has always been welcoming to you yet also making you intimidated. your closest example of a perfect couple is your parents and their healthy relationship, communicating their problems with each other as open as a book with jumbled words where only each other can read them clearly. you have to peek at one of the moments when you see dad crying as his head rested on your mom's stomach one day, the day after you almost drown. leaning your head against the wall as you listened from the slightly ajar door to a story of what happened to you from his side. you felt intimidated to have a perfect partner for yourself as your parents have with each other, soulmates as everyone says they are.

you didn't know that the partner that can push your intimidating thoughts away is jongseong. from the moment he gave you that ferrero rocher, deep beneath your heart, you know, he will stay in your life as it continues. understanding the click that jongseong described to your parents as you both hanging out for the sake of being with each other. how mom and dad said to you a few days after jongseong visited your town how nice he is and how you exude a more stronger aura of yourself after you met him.

taking a deep breath, you lick your lips before saying, "i do want to." which is then followed by a bright and light kiss from him before pulling away, sparks seemingly surrounding the two of you, making you both laugh as you gently move your hands that connect with his.

"are you free next friday?" you lifted your eyebrows as you squint your eyes at his question. ‘what is he planning?’ was the thought that crosses your mind before you nod slowly.

"since i met your parents before, i think it is the right time that you meet mine for dinner," he spoke as you internalized the proposal and understand his logic. he never told you much about his parents, only about how much his mom adores him as he is also an only child like you are. but, he did not mention his dad much as he described his old man as “more work-oriented” and taking only one day in the weekend to rejuvenate, which is having a dining table talk with the three of them, something that you realized was like what your family do. the idea of meeting the parents of your newly officiated partner—still awkward as ever to now put the label "boyfriend" attached to him even though you can start now seconds ago—intrigues you, in both good and bad ways. will they be as caring as he is or will they be like the other parents that your schoolmates have?

"okay sure," you replied before lightly pushing him away as you remind him of his work as a crew. giving him a small kiss on his lips before letting go of his hands, waving to him before walking back to where the stage stands as you knew that suyeon will ask about what happened between the two of you in your meeting.

friday was fast arriving as you wave at suyeon who is climbing into her car. you turn your head towards the parking lot where you scan the number plate of cars where you, slowly but surely, found jongseong's car. seeing the tinted silhouette of mr. kim in the driver's seat, you climb into the backseat where jongseong greeted you by grabbing your hand and bringing it to his lips to give the back of it a kiss. you put down your backpack and a small bag full of new sets of clothes as your mom told you that going home alone at night in the big city will not be a good idea and suggested that you should stay the night at his place instead. at first you were hesitating, 'first time meeting your boyfriend's parents and already staying the night' seems like a wild train of thought. yet, when you mention it to jongseong, he mentions it to his mom and replied how she is welcoming you with open arms. a seemingly different image of the cold and demanding parents that you often see.

letting out the breath you didn't know you held, the car arrives at an apartment complex that you can figure out by the elegant-looking white-painted wall and the security gate at the entrance, this is a home for important people or people that have the privilege to live there. not as tall as the apartment towers you've seen on the way there but wider in the sense that one floor equals one unit. the car stops in front of the entrance of one of the unit as jongseong step out from his side while you follow on yours. the car drives away down a sloping road as he brought you to the entrance and guides you into the open elevator, seeing him pressing the button with the number 3 on the panel of buttons.

he steps out as the elevator door slides open to walk to the only door available on the floor. standing back as he enters the code on the keypad by the door, you can't imagine how spacious it must be to have a floor of an apartment to claim as your own. the door beeps as you return your gaze back to jongseong opening the door where you can smell something cooking, a classical piece echos to the hallway as you step in and follow him to pull your shoes off.

"jongseong? is that you?" a woman's smooth-textured voice can be heard as he took steps forward on the marble floor as you can view the large living room with big sofas and a big screen tv planted into the wall with a large terrace right across from you, covered with various pots of plants. you don't dare yourself to move your feet anywhere while your head continues to the room that slowly extends to the side, seeing jongseong walks passed the dining table on the other side of the large room to his mom standing behind an island counter and in front of an open window. you can smell a familiar seafood delicacy being cooked as jongseong stood beside her, towering over her while putting a hand on her shoulder as you see her turn around. you felt your breath being taken away as you see one of the most beautiful women you have ever seen other than your own mom.

"welcome (y/n)," you heard her smooth voice addressing you that was bowing your head before you hear a pitter-patter on the floor, a figure stands coming closer as your eyes widen to see mrs. park. she looks like she is dressed up for the occasion underneath her apron, opening her arms wide as she engulfs you in a hug. you held your breath as you sheepishly smile at the woman's son back in the kitchen, him covering his mouth as you see his shoulders move from the unexpected encounter.

"oh, sorry…" jongseong's mom seemed to realize as she moved back her figure to then help smoothen down your uniform, you can't help to look towards her when she smiles. "you are a beauty. come, you can put your bags beside the sofa." you widen your eyes from the comment before doing what she said as you follow them to the dining table.

"i sure hope you like salmon." jongseong's mom spoke as she looks behind the shoulder at you standing near the dining chairs. jongseong seemingly looks at you as he then continues what he was doing, helping his mom cook the dinner. he did mention he wants to learn something relating to cooking before, so you assume he has his time behind the counters and stoves.

"i sure do, ma'am," you replied before you took a few steps to see the spaghetti and salmon being cooked side by side. it reminds you of the weekends when you usually made breakfast alone or with your parents in your kitchen that is smaller than the one you are currently in. back when you were going to school in your town, you always helped in making dinner too, usually stirring or sauté whatever mom puts. ever since high school, your schedule has switched up and dinner was always served, maybe a bit earlier, by the time you finished your journey back home. you pouted as you look at the mother and son duo that reflects you and your own mom.

you turn your body away as you see the home that looks bigger from the angle you stood at. a hallway at the end of the room beside the tv and one beside the wall of the shoe closet at the entrance. walking towards the window of the terrace, you can see the sky getting darker as the lights start to illuminate on the rising buildings of the city, a bit far from the hill the apartment complex is built on. the view is breathtaking as you have never seen the city like this before, reminding you of your view from your bedroom window is the streets of your neighborhood and a few streetlamps since it isn't tall enough.

your body perks up when you felt a hand on your shoulder. glancing to the side to see jongseong who stood beside you, leaning in to whisper to your ear, "dinner is ready."

he brought you and help you sit on the seat beside his where you can see the food and drink served on the plates with a few leftovers are serve in the middle of the table. you tugged your clothes to tidy them up as you sit on the soft cushion, observing his mom pulling off her apron and putting it on the island before taking a seat across from you.

"thank you for the meal, ma'am." you bowed your head before grabbing the utensils that sit on either side of the plate, looking between the pair as his mom gestured for you to try the food. your lips pursed as you nod your head at how tasty the food is before continuing, mrs. park lets out a sigh of relief, you hope, from across from you and puts both of her hands on her chest.

"i didn't know what you might like so i just thought that you like seafood as you live by one." his mom replied, making you lift your head before you slowly turn your head at your boyfriend who is just innocently eating beside you. lifting your eyebrows, he stares at you before quickly inhaling the food he’s eating.

"ahh… i told her where you lived after i visited you at your home." he said after finishing eating the food in his mouth. "she was curious about why my clothes were different than the ones i left with so i told her what happened, where you live, et cetera." you nodded as you looked down on your lap.

deep inside your brain, you knew that it will reach his parents someday. and yet, you still feel insecure about it. that their son hangs out, or even dates, someone that is mostly outside of their circle other than where they go to school at, whose habits and facilities are not as complete as what they have. your mind is slowly getting clouded by the darkness that you have pushed aside for months now as it meets an unknown factor that isn't included in their initial defense. in tiny steps, it regresses back to that faithful day in your class with the small ball of chocolate on your lap.

"i don't know what you have experienced." your focus comes back, now realizing you were breathing irregularly before looking up at jongseong's mom's concerned eyes. "but i heard stories between the two of you and i don't care about where you live or your wealth." your bottom lips tremble as you grip on the fork and knife.

"i can see how happy he is with you beside him." you see a hand on top of yours as you trail it back to the woman in front of you. a sincere look that is familiar in her eyes as she lets out a gentle smile, creases forming on the corner of it as the sign of how long they have experienced the world and its difficulties and how it seems that she likes to smile with her eyes. taking a deep breath while slowly blinking, you nodded your head before mouthing a "thank you" where she tightens her grip on your hand before continuing to eat.

having a small talk whilst eating with his mom reminds you of when jongseong eats with your folks, how she has the same glint in her eyes you recognized as she teases him in front of you, seemingly purposely embarrassing him as you can’t help but giggle at how the boy beside you reacts to it then gives up. some peaceful family moments you used to never believe happened to the elites at your school from the horror stories that you have eavesdropped on before in school. some sticking to you like a child of a chaebol that has various paramours to succession drama within families of lawyers, even suyeon's family who doesn't seem to care about her well-being that she has finally opened up to you, caring about her progress in her hagwon studies.

your head twitches as you heard a small beeping sound from the entrance of the unit. heavy steps echos on the hallway as it stops, seemingly taking their shoes off base on what is there. a figure wearing a suit and tie steps into the living room, turning their head to look towards the dining table.

"dad?"

"honey?"

jongseong and his mom both exclaimed as you can now see the clearer image of a man coming closer to the dining table, features that you can see on his face are also available on jongseong, albeit stronger. the man wears a stoic but gentle-looking expression as he walks to the chairs across from you and gives his wife a kiss on her forehead.

"i messaged you that my meeting was canceled for today." his voice is heavy but with a matte sheen to it, similar to jongseong but a bit rougher.

"ahh… i was cooking for a guest," she replied as she looks towards you sitting across from her, making her husband's head turn towards you, a slight tilt from his head when he finally can see your presence.

"and who do we have here?" he replies gently, hand resting on the back part of the chair his wife is sitting on.

"good evening, mr. park. i'm jongseong's-"

"girlfriend. she's my girlfriend." jongseong cuts you off as you see his hand grabbing yours that is holding onto a fork on the table, making you take a peek at him—pupils trembling—before returning your attention to the man, his dad.

the man acknowledges you with a pause and a nod before replying, "you look familiar." your eyebrows creases as jongseong’s dad walks to the sink to wash his hands and grab a set of plate and utensils for himself from the cabinet. what does he mean by that? you have never seen mr. park before today. does his comment mean that he has seen you when he went to school, recalling the memory of jongseong’s parents being donators and such? must be as that was the most plausible explanation you can create from the informational circumstances.

mr. park sits in the empty chair across from his son and right beside his wife. you discreetly took a glimpse at him, twirling your pasta with your fork when you notice that jongseong was glancing at you. his eyebrows were raised with you following before returning back to your food. has he also heard that small comment his dad made at you?

"any name for my son's girlfriend?" his dad suddenly asked. your head tilts up to meet the family before clearing your throat.

"my name is (y/n), sir," you answered. what you didn't expect was a small shock forming on the man's face before he composes himself. you took a peek at jongseong from the corner of your eyes, a confused look showing on his face while his mom’s confusion that started around the same as yours started to dissolve. a look of recognition enters the frame of her eyes after the words her husband said, gently slapping him on his arm so he is not leaving the sudden tension hanging.

"are you by chance (y/f/n)?" your eyebrows furrowed, bewildered by your full name being mentioned.

"ye-yes i am. how do you know my name…?" you mumbled the words that formed in your mind, hoping that your voice reach the man that sits diagonally from you. because of his answer, you start to question all the paths that you have to cross and go through to reach where you at now. searching if any of them has any trace of mr. park or not.

"i'm the person that sponsors your scholarship."

your head unconsciously tilts as the revelation slowly tries to make sense in your mind.

jongseong's dad is the one that sponsors your scholarship. he is the person that pays your school fees to go learn at the school you are enrolling currently. he might be the one that offered to open a scholarship at your school in the first place. and here he is, sitting at the dining table with you.

you're not one that easily believes in fate and destiny, having seen how hard working your parents or people around you are in gaining their place in the world, yours also. the idea of competition has been ingrained into your brain, even though you don't show how competitive you are unlike your peers who are ambitious in their own way. competition is what you went through to be able to enroll in your current school after all. but, you meeting and having a relationship with jongseong isn't a result of a competition, even though you see some tendencies of that at school of how people seemingly adores or adored him. the chances of the person you are dating has a parent that provides your tuition for the whole three years of school was so tiny it is almost impossible. nevertheless, because of it, you feel thankful to fate and destiny for making it happen.

"i mostly stayed in contact with your parents though. but i believe i've seen you before, might be before you were enrolling." he continues as you sit on the chair, stunned while looking at your half-finished meal on the plate, shaking your head at how a coincidence it must be even for jongseong's dad and mom that is now adorning a smile as she finally puts the pieces of the puzzle together.

"i-i don't know what to say other than a thank you, sir." you bowed your head once again before you look at the smiling family that are staring at you. jongseong's smirk adorns his face as he realized and internalized your actions and words.

"i mean, i should thank you too (y/n). no one has ever been with jongseong before especially romantically." the man cracked a joke that makes you chuckle as the tensions simmer down at the expense of jongseong's well-being, which he then whines to his dad before making a joke to them as you all finished dinner. how his dad asks about your parents’ well-being and how his mom tells her husband the romantically cheesy "dates" that you have to go through with her own words as told from the boy's perspective, some even shock you and it gains their peals of laughter. a harmonious relationship that you hope can reflect on yours too.

"can we talk about what happened at the dining table?" jongseong exclaimed as he puts his phone down on the mattress, the flashlight from it lights up the space as the duvet covers both of your figures and rested on your head as you sit in the middle of it. after dinner, jongseong introduced you to the guest bedroom right across from his where you’ll be staying for the night as his mom doesn't want anything inappropriate to happen tonight between you and his son with her husband saying that you both are too young for that, which made jongseong rolls his eyes before helping you settle down for the night. you didn't expect that he knocks on the door as you were going to sleep on the nicest bed you have ever slept in, persuading you to join him in his room to hang out between the two of you.

your relaxed and sleepy face takes in jongseong's room that, you can assume, is double the size of yours back in your home. seeing the black that you so associate him with makes a wooden accent wall in the room, a desk with a gaming set up while a small cabinet with textbooks rested on the lighter-colored wood outline against it. the anomaly that is easiest to see is the light-colored shell you gave to him, which is right beside the blue transport card you picked and see him use. both items are placed in front of frames of photos of little him and his parents. you were chuckling when you see a photo of his little body sitting in a sports car pretending to drive it when the light suddenly streams out and the moon's shining light seems to be brighter in the room. you turn back around to see him moving around the duvet while patting on the mattress, frantically picking up the duvet and resting it behind you to then sit up on his knees and pull them above you to create a new ceiling, enveloping both of you in darkness.

"yeah, we can. i was as shocked as you." you sit forward, crossing your legs as you felt your knees touch his when you decide to sit facing each other. his hand rested on his lap with your hands resting on top of your knees.

"what's the chances of that could happen? one in billions, right?" he asked similarly to what you thought about as you see him scrunching his nose while thinking, a habit you've recognized of him as you've seen it every time you've started to hang out with him. you dozed off as you recall everything that happened and trailed the road on how it came to be. that if you didn't get information about a scholarship, you might not even know jongseong. that if you didn't get accepted out of the people that apply, you can’t be in the same school as jongseong. that if jongseong didn't see you in your class helping suyeon, he might not offer you a chocolate, to then might help him win the election which results in you not helping him after he tried to hurt himself. the road goes on and on and on, yet you wonder what will become if you take the wrong road to cross, will you be able to be the you that you are right now?

"yeah… sorry i was dozing off, thinking about something," you replied as you realized he might have been waiting for his question to be answered.

"about?" he asked as he lean his head towards where his shoulder is.

"how we were both came from different roads but we turn the right way in each of every crossroads we face to reach here." you sighed as your hands gathered together on your lap, soothing each other as you collect your thoughts to summarize it to words.

"i wonder if we have taken another turn, will we be like this?" your murmur makes him hum as silence consume both of you, letting your mind go into a rampant as you take in the lit-up duvet above and around you. letting your eyes look down, you felt something warm touching your hands: his hands. the mattress beneath you move as you felt his breath in front of you, leaning closer to give you a kiss on your lips. your hands turn outwards as you move them to grip his that wanders, slowly leans away, and settles back in his space.

"this is what i felt and what i hope comes true every time." his hand cups one of your cheeks, making you rub against it in reflex as its warm transfers to your own. "that whatever road i take, they all lead to you."

your third year came and went by as fast as how light traveled. heaving from the heavy tests that you just go through, you dragged your feet as you look at the other test takers that almost looks the same as you after the uphill battle that is suneung. even though you didn't devote your entire three years of high school to it, you can't help yourself but be curious as to how your average knowledge will compare to those who have studied and dedicated their time to it. you didn't expect to be able to get into your choices as you picked the SKY universities that you always heard only accept those people that achieved the top 3% of the highest scores. that’s because your idea of university entrance preparation and announcements was thrown out of your head when you received an e-mail a few days ago.

bringing the lunch box bag that mom packed before you left in between your curled fingers and palm, you see her and dad standing at the entrance with their coats layering their clothes as the weather is getting colder. she said the day before that it is family support is important for suneung takers as both of your parents enter their universities through it, celebrating what is the hardest usage of a brain their children must endure. dad even mentioned that mom will be closing her cafe just for that day as they travel to seoul in his car, probably visiting your grandparents too while they wait for you. they were also as curious as you to see how their child has compared to others, knowing that you only studied for it since the day you registered to join, allowing usage of their disposable income to pay you for the registration and to see the results.

right beside them is jongseong's mom wearing a luxury-branded coat from how iconic its look is from the images you have come across on the internet, talking to your parents as it seems that she is slowly getting to know them after the whole positive debacle between yours and her family. you were just as shocked when you and jongseong pick the same place to take the test as you both didn't talk much about suneung, universities entrances in general are a very sensitive topic for kids in their final year of k-12 studies after all. as you stride heavily towards them, you see the three parents turning their heads to you as you greet your parents with a hug then bowing your head to jongseong's mom as a greeting, waiting for the boy to come out.

your third year can be summarized as a very chaotic and eventful year. starting with the new list of classes being shared a few weeks before the first day of your semester where you see your name with suyeon, jongseong, and jaeyun in the same column; sunghoon, at that time, has already moved to canada after you all are confirmed to pass your second year for his ice skating training as he might be drafted to more national level events. the four of you then started a group chat together—courtesy of suyeon—so it makes it easier for communication and group projects as most of them will be in a group of four, sunghoon being included so that, as jaeyun says, he can feel a sense of normalcy again where he hangs out with his two best friends and the entire entourage.

you remember on the first day of class, you see jongseong waiting for you on the stairs of the entrance, a small smile appearing on his face as he offers his pinky finger out to you. at first, you hesitated to accept it but you knew from what he communicated through his eyes that you recalled the talk the two of you have about trying to be open as a couple at school, how he at least wants to let people know that he is taken by you and you to him. so, you wrapped your pinky with his and enter the hallways together to your new classroom.

from your view, you can see the changes in people’s perception of you as you walk side by side with him, even though only two fingers wrapping with each is the link between both of you. you that were always being belittled in your first year and ignored in your second were now a center of attention that you didn't seek in in your third. how you can see people whispering about it, the walls getting thinner and thinner as another wall made of spoken words is slowly crushing it, how your wall was challenged by jealous eyes and confused glares.

yet, you two persevered. you two were numb about their words from your turning points that connected with each other’s and instead of weakening both of you, they made it stronger. well, not for jongseong as his partner in the council and your classmate, jisung, suddenly took a liking towards you. suyeon seems to notice it when she whispered that the jock is glancing towards you once in a while, even picking you for team games in p.e. classes—where it used to be an unpleasant experience for the last two years. jaeyun seems to also notice it after a few times it happened that you remembered hearing him speak to his friend as they sit behind you.

"come on, jay. you got her first. don't let it eat you up."

with suyeon turning back towards him to continue what jaeyun has baited for a conversation, "she's not even jealous of the people that still liked you last year."

you lightly slap her upper arm before turning around to tilt your head to jongseong, pouting your lips at how unbelievable he is to believe that you took a liking towards someone that fast. seeing the trust he exudes from his eyes firing up as he rolls his eyes and agreed with what his friends said.

after you see jongseong coming out of the building, all of you are headed to a restaurant for dinner that your parents suggest and will be paying as a thank you to the park family, especially mr. park, for paying your school tuition for the past three years. you remembered when you went home the next day after staying the night, waking up on jongseong's bed in his arms after a night full of deep conversations, that you told your parents about the coincidence that is mr. park that paid for your scholarship is his dad. you remembered rubbing on dad's shoulder as he accidentally choked from the surprise while your mom covers her mouth from the combination of laughter and shock, followed by the three of you discussing how it happened and how the chances of it coming to be. in the end, you can never solve it logically, but you started to believe in fate because of it.

"we are very welcome to be able to help (y/n) with her education." mrs. park says as you are all seated in a fancy western restaurant in downtown seoul, you glance towards jongseong as you felt his hand holding yours beneath the table. the park's matriarch slowly puts her hand behind his shoulder to soothe the boy's upper back while looking between him, you, and your parents.

"my husband is also very proud of the two especially (y/n)'s influence on jay. we talked about it at breakfast about how jay has now been a more independent city-dweller and plays outside instead of in his room." mrs. park added as your eyes widen from the sudden tease.

"mom…" you giggled as your boyfriend replied and jokingly rolls his eyes at his mother’s teasing in front of your parents, making your parents smile once again from the dynamic.

"okay sorry, son. but, on another note, because of (y/n), my husband wants to sponsor scholarships again, with more quota this time or maybe for every year." you felt something bloom in your heart after what mrs. park said, how you wanted to pat yourself on your back as you did ask mr. park on why he only opened the initial scholarship for one person and isn’t opening for your juniors. his answer was doubtful as it was his first time opening something out of his comfort zone. hearing his wife say what she takes from his husband also means that the doubt he has vanished when he sees how a great job you are doing.

“that is great to hear. i’m glad that (y/n)’s process can be any of help in such a motivational action and in helping others.” your dad replied as mom nodded, the parents smile at each other as they took a few glances between you and jongseong before returning back to the abundance of food on the table.

"is the date confirmed for the farewell trip?" mom suddenly asks towards mrs. park, transitioning the conversation to talk about the said trip.

it has been a tradition in your school for the parent committee to arrange a farewell trip for the students of the third year after suneung results, knowing how wealthy they are and how they want their children to feel as refreshed as ever after a long battle. the trip is no different than what your seniors have as they went to jeju island and rent an entire resort just for six classes of around 25 students. you went to jeju once when you were a child and you met your old friend, the ocean, but the air is feeling a bit different. maybe because of the more variable reliefs of geographical setting there and a few diving women that you remembered your dad met and talked to.

you started to let your mind wander elsewhere to the electronic letter that you received days prior, a piece of happy news in regards to your studies. wanting to study classics and/or ancient history, your parents wanted you to study in universities that serve the best courses in those majors, which are mostly from outside of the country. so, by the start of the academic year, you and your parents have scoured online on what international universities are the best in the major that you wanted to pursue, mom arranging what your requirements are to register, and dad helping in tying all the financial loose ends so your family’s finance will mostly be used to support you. as you waited for the start of autumn, your days were full of tests and interviews in universities on the other side of the world. your hard work paid off when you earn an acceptance letter through your email from the UK, saying that one of the universities accepts you there—one of the best in the world too. you jumped and cried as your parents enter your room, hugging and crying too at how amazing you are for facing such a rigorous process while you reminded them of the strategies all three of you have created to face it.

and yet, jongseong doesn’t know any of it. as much as you want to, you don’t want to stress him out as he is also going through a hustle to enter university. the topic is really heavy for kids your age that you didn’t mind if people never talk about it with you. is it a sin to be selfish about information relating to you and your future education when for the past three years you have been treated lowly by your peers? surprising them is a factor you didn’t think about when you made the initial plan, but you want them to know that you can thrive no matter how many people have ridiculed you. yet now, you worry about your future. your future with jongseong, because of that selfishness and how his openness to people around him that is going to be a disadvantage to you.

following the girl that has been your seatmate for more than one year and six months, you walk through the hallways of gimpo airport carrying your backpack and a duffel bag to the crowd that, you recognized by their faces as your classmates. suyeon wraps her arms on your shoulder as one of the parents that supervise your class helps to collect the bags to be checked in. seeing the abundance of suitcases compare to your carry bags makes you giggle internally. as many years have passed for you to adapt to their environment, you always have a different color that makes you stick out like a sore thumb. looking across the crowd, you see jongseong smirk as jaeyun taps his shoulder before looking away from you.

"you packed your shorts, right?" she gently says into your ear as you furrowed your eyebrows while shaking your head in disgust.

"it's almost winter. the sea is going to be too cold and you’ll be bombarded by the wind," you replied with a slight pout on your face from the imagination of it all. your friend burst out in her light laughter as she nods her head in agreement.

"i actually didn’t bring shorts. i don’t want to freeze myself no matter what happened," she replies as you heard the crowd that you’re going inside the security checks and the plane’s gate as the plane is departing soon.

pulling out the newest book you currently read as you sit in the seats of the airplane, you glance at the window beside suyeon who is bopping her head to your shared earbuds as the plane is rising up into the sky. the buildings and land getting smaller and farther as it reaches the level of white clouds, leaning your head against the cushion of the seat behind it. you look beside you to the seat across the aisle, peeking at jongseong that is sleeping on jaeyun's shoulder. jaeyun seems to notice you looking at them as he smirks while gesturing you to snap a photo of them, which make you chuckle and comply. it reminds you of that trip to the aquarium a year ago and how it changes both of your lives, how instead of the empty seats that you two respectively had back on that trip, it is now filled with your friends.

after an hour or so later, you step out of the plane to meet jeju island's clearer air and the sun beams reflect on the ground where the aircraft parks. grabbing your duffel bag from the baggage claim, you all enter the buses that are going to bring you to the resort. the trees decorate each side of the road and you can see the sea a few meters behind one of its sides. it gets obscure as your eyes enlarged on the large building of the resort appearing in your vision. the resort looks like some tropical-themed villas you have come across through advertisements on the internet. it made sense though cause jeju just feels like a different region in and of itself.

you enter the rooms that you have been assigned to with the keycard that you were given by your class’ parent supervisor, a quaint two single beds with a view of the rolling waves that you can always recognize even from far away. you sat on the bed that you chose while continuing a few paragraphs on the chapter you’re reading as suyeon is opening her suitcase at her side.

"we don't have any fixed itineraries right? just that we can't go out of the resort bounds today and tomorrow we're gonna hike in the morning, lunch at a restaurant outside, and the party tomorrow night?" she asked as you hummed while the phone on your bed vibrates, seeing jongseong's notification on the lock screen.

"what are you going to do today?"

checking the time on the clock on the corner of the screen, it is currently around the afternoon. your head perks up to look at suyeon pulling out the outfits that she'll be using and a mini ironing set so she can remove the creases late when she needs to.

"after we tidy up our luggage, do you want to eat a late lunch and then head to the beach?" you suggest to her and she immediately replies with a huge "yes" which you then relay to jongseong and then to the group chat.

you have never worn such a loose sweater and tight jeans before in your academic career, so you try gently stretch the ends of your sweater with your hands but it doesn't work, and it makes you sulk by the pathetic attempt as you walk to the restaurant the four of you have chosen. you see jongseong and jaeyun sitting on seats whilst reading the menu, jaeyun looks like he is video calling someone from his phone as you walk closer, recognizing the sound of sunghoon's voice. you bit your lips as you gently tap your boyfriend's shoulder which makes him turn his body, glancing at you then at your best friend before you both sit down across from them.

never have your social interaction felt so free as you talk with four of your friends, sunghoon yawning on the screen as a result of the different timezones making you all laugh. the five of us talks about all sort of stuff as sunghoon tells his tale of training for the competitions he's going to face and all of you tell your struggles of doing suneung, which made you tell them about your condition as someone living in the suburbs and how you don't go to a hagwon so the context for your case is clearer, jongseong adding a few things up for support. you see suyeon's shocked face as you told her everything you have hidden from her, how you don't live in seoul, how you don't go to school by car and instead use a train, how that picture of the sea you took was from the beach in your hometown.

"then whose car is parked near you when you came to my house and gave me the aquarium souvenir?" she genuinely asked as your lips formed a tight lip smile since the other three’s reaction to what you said.

you sigh as you answered truthfully, "jay's."

"aww, (y/n)." she opens your arms so you lean in and let her envelop your body. her muffled voice saying sorry multiple times if she ever hurt you in somewhere shape or form is coherent from your shoulder. you cooed as you see tears falling from the corner of her eyes from the amount of guilt that she suddenly gets hit with as you rub her tears before soothing her, making the three boys look at you two awkwardly before you gestured to them to continue eating.

your stomach was full when you find a sitting booth by the edge of the beach and the resort. the sky is slowly turning orange as you sit on the cushioned sit that surrounds a fire pit. you see a few other patrons of the resort on the beach, a few were playing beach volleyball while you see a few children making sandcastles. closing your eyes, you try to let go of all the clouded stress that has accumulated in your head, both as a result of your last year and the rest from high school that you haven’t let go of as it takes a much larger effort. however, that piece in your brain about your secret acceptance remains in place, even moving closer to a part of your brain that its neurons trying to purposely tell them. the words now starting to form on the tip of your tongue.

jaeyun sudden ice breaker didn’t help with your anxiousness. it is inevitable for the topic of universities and what you got and major in will be talked after suneung results are out two days ago. your prediction was right that you only got around 3/4 from the perfect score, an impressive result coming from someone that crams the topics being tested. your mood getting sulkier than before as you sit on the cushion between jongseong beside you and the roaring sound of the rushing sea water, looking down on your sandy shoes as the three converse a conversation you expected but are not ready to talk about.

"i got into civil engineering at the university of new south wales." jaeyun said, basically confirming he'll be in australia for his studies. a sentiment he has talked to you about on how he misses australia and brisbane in general.

"hagwon did me proud in suneung. psychology in korea university." suyeon puts her fist up in the air as you remembered her texting you her reaction to getting into a SKY university, nonetheless. a picture that she sends of half of her face and bloodshot eyes from crying is something you won’t ever forget.

"i still don't know. looking at the options first and i have a few results i haven't received yet." jongseong said before they all finally landed their eyes on you. as you sit on the soft cushion, you felt shivers running down your spine not caused by the flowing wind. you try to rewire your brain to be positive. 'it is happy news. your friends will be happy. he will be happy.' yet, doubt has always come in at the very end.

"classics and oriental studies in oxford," you whispered as you look at the grain of sand surrounding your shoes, a large oval is made with your feet in the middle when your attention suddenly breaks from suyeon's gasp of realization.

"you're hiding that you got into oxford from us?" suyeon said as loud as you four can hear, standing up from her seat to walk to you where she wraps her arms around, yet you didn't react. you didn't want to look up from the sand as you don't want to see how jongseong looked. is he disappointed that you didn't tell him any of your process in going there? you didn't feel his familiar touch when another pair of arms draped around you as you were still seated, hands straighten beside your body as your gaze looks at the fire woods in the fire pit.

slowly, you felt something climbing up your stomach and esophagus. covering your mouth as you don't want your lunch to get out before excusing yourself, standing up on the sand, and feeling something holding your wrist before you go. finally turning around to face your boy you scared you disappoint the most. and you did, cause you see a frown on his face and it causes your eyes to burn, wanting to let the tears out.

"follow me if you want to know everything." you gently pulled your arm away and wrapped your hands around your body as you get away as fast as you can. jay didn't even shiver from the sudden blow of the wind hitting his skin as he looks at you getting away further and further along the beach, turning around to see his friends in a pregnant silence from what happened. he shook his head as they confirmed that he also didn't know you got accepted in the university of oxford. he felt as if a pocket knife is stabbed on his back, small but lethal enough. do you not trust him enough to tell him your process? he can only sigh as he excuses himself from the two and takes a walk.

he can't help but feel doubt in his mind and heart about the relationship you have that you created for the past year and more. how the two of you treat each other equally and care for each other equally, sharing your trust with each other that he is willing to open more just so he can keep up with you, and you slowing down to live your life as a teenager with him. each step is getting faster as he observed the ball of light on the sky now visibly sinking down as the sky accommodates it.

his breath is taken away when he saw you in your element as you face the vast body of water near large boulders of rocks. the same image of you that got stuck in his head for the first time when the both of you visit the beach from the aquarium with a deep orange sky instead of blue. he can't help but admire you as he let the metaphorical pocket knife being pulled from his back and bandage with the view that is you and the sea. he observed how you stood the same way you did last year, near the shallow water enough that the wave crashing on the land touches the side of your shoes. he remembered how he jumped back because of it to then see you turn around and walk closer to comfort him, but he knows it is his time now as he walks nearer to the ocean to stand beside you.

your arms are still wrapped around your body as you gaze at the sun setting on the horizon. closing your eyes as you focus on the sound of the crashing wave and how your sense can feel it flow beneath your feet. the wind hitting your cheeks and lifting the ends of your sweater as you try to refresh your mind. but, it sticks back to jongseong's disappointed expression that you saw at a glance.

"i'm here." you heard the familiar voice from one of your ears, leaning your head down as you straighten your lips before slowly opening them and looking to the side. seeing your boy standing side by side as you can see the wave crashing on the land, making his shoes wet too. and he doesn't care as he continues to say, "so, oxford huh?"

you let out a sigh as you nodded, your guts consuming yourself slowly as you wanted to look away. but, you can't, not at him. you lick your lips as you added, "i'm not attending graduation either." truthfully speaking as you also attending a foundation course there before your own course starts after next summer.

you see him chuckle as he turns his body for you, veins showing on his arms as you see him clenching it into a fist. "do you want to know why i said what i said back there?" your eyes look back up to his face on how sad and furious he seems to look. you gestured with your open palms to him as you nibble your bottom lips. 'go ahead.'

"i wait because of you," he said loudly to fight the sound of the wind and chirping birds flying from the sky. you can hear the grit in his voice from how he spoke. gulping your saliva, you pouted your lips as the only thing in your mind is words of 'please forgive me'.

"i wait because i wanted to go and have a future with you, both of us. going to the same school or living in the same city." he gritted his teeth as he walks closer to you. you shook your head as you can't take it back what you said and what is—in the end—your choice. you suddenly realized just how your selfishness is now affecting people around you. in your mind, the good didn't outweigh the bad but you didn’t see it from another person’s shoes.

"i'm sorry…" those were the only words you can say, not wanting to step closer to him, not wanting to break his boundaries that you can see are starting to build up because of you.

"i was thinking you’ll be staying here when you said you’re gonna test for suneung. the farthest i apply to is the US both on the west and east coasts so i didn't apply to any universities in the UK, not even europe." he frustratedly said as you heard him groan out at the sea and the sun sinking down beside you, the circle of the sun creating limelight on the two of you as it feels like you two are in a bubble from the outside world.

"i just…" you heard him take a breath before letting it go immediately. "i feel selfish for even thinking-"

"no, you're not selfish. i'm the one that's being selfish here. i didn't even tell any of you other than my parents about my acceptance." you blurted as you let out your own frustration, probably the longest set of sentences that you have spoken to him without pauses.

“i just want to show the people that ridicule me that i can do it. that’s why i did it.” gulping your saliva down, wet tears are dropping down on your cheeks. you sniffle your nose as the wind blows against your face letting the tears trail away and being thrown away before you got rid of them yourself.

“that’s why i hid it from you and it was stupid of me to not even consider what you’re going to think about it.” the dam that is the filter between what you think and what you speak is bursting as you don’t hide any of your thoughts to him. slowly accepting the consequences of your actions and how it affects him. using your sleeves to wipe the remaining tears that are currently flowing down your face, you hear sniffling coming from beside you.

"i just… i can't live without you, (y/n)." he let out as he sighs before rubbing his nose from the itch that comes from the sniffles. you pouted as you took steps towards him, feet felt heavier from the wet sand.

"hey, yes, you can." you walk closer to him, but you just can't stay too close. yet, he wants to as he moves forward, lifting your sleeve-covered hands and placing them in their place on his cheeks as you unconsciously rub his cheekbones, realizing how watery his eyes have been and how it seems to reflect yours from how clear you can see your face from his pupils.

"for the 18 years you have lived,” you clear your throat whilst collecting the words, “i've only been there for around one and a half years, jongseong," you spoke your mind logically as you thread out all the consequences that are now being revealed inside it. that you’ll be leaving him even though he wanted you to stay: with him.

"best one and a half years of my life." he impulsively commented as he then coughs, you shook your head to tell him to not make this harder for you.

"this is the consequences that i bear. that you were the collateral damage of." you kissed the corner of his mouth as you rested your forehead on his. closing your eyes as you can't look in his eyes as you don’t want to feel the pain that clenches your heart again. holding his head in place with yours as his breathing calms from a sporadic pattern, following your relaxed ones.

"we can survive four more years without each other, apart timezones and kilometers away," you whispered so he can only hear. when he said how he wanted to have a future with you, your heartbeat got faster as it beats the blood around your body as a message to your neurons, that you know you felt the same. you let go of one of his cheeks to grab his hand and opens its palm, placing it on your beating heart.

"you have to know that i am only yours and i can see a future for us. we can do anything, schedule any video calls if you miss me, share what kinds of food we’re having for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, share each other’s song recommendations, and much much more" your sporadic answer as you lean back makes jongseong chuckle. you felt his other hand reaching and caressing your cheek with his knuckles, instinctively leaning in against it as you peek from the corner of your eyes at how the sun is already half sinking into the horizon. you see him move his head while biting his lips before he looks at you.

"i love you," he whispered and you paused.

love. it is the strongest choice of word that you have ever learned. if you love to do things, it tells you how devoted you are to do it. if you love something, it tells you how loyal you are to it. if you love someone, it tells you how you want them to be in your life. and it finally clicks in your mind, that feeling you felt when he visited your town that summer, how you spent your days listening to the combination of music and nature while staying silent right beside each other. how you kiss his cheek goodbye when you brought him to the train station in the pouring rain.

that is love and the seed has been growing for the past year since it was planted. cared for by the amount of time you stayed on his side and felt like your body and soul were in such peace. the number of kisses you and him unconsciously do when you two are officially dating. the amount of happiness you felt is also reflected when you see from his eyes.

"i love you too," you replied as he leans closer and give you a kiss, a soft yet passionate one that kick-started the ability for you to make it to the next for years where you won’t be with him all the time.

"let's make the rest of our trip worth it for the next four years, okay?" you mumbled in front of his lips before wrapping your arms around his neck and giving the same amount of emotions he gave to you back at him. your body stumbles as you felt the water moving beneath you, jongseong’s hand moves to your waist to hold you gently as you giggle, rubbing away each other’s tears and look into your mirrored bloodshot eyes and puffy nose.

giving one last peck on his lips, you grip his hands as you walk back to the resort that is now lit up with a dark purple backdrop of the sky behind it. you both looking to the horizon to see the tip of the circle is the only visible part of the sun, saying goodbye to you as it says hello on the other side of the world. the others were waving towards you when they see you two approaching, the fire pit now lit up as suyeon was making s’mores while jaeyun helps to roast them. jongseong’s hand that was holding yours moves to let his arm hold onto yours as you both sit on the cushion you were sitting on before. jongseong let out a huge sigh as you felt him leaning his head on your shoulder while suyeon gives you two sheets of tissue, pointing at her eyes and nose as you nod your head before using them and giving some to jongseong.

both of you mostly stayed quiet the entire night, the dancing flames reflects their illumination into your eyes. you shared your s’mores with jongseong as you can see he is slowly thawing but you don’t want to pursue more to let him think and accept your choice. jaeyun then starts to talk to you about how is your process where you told everything, your mindset, your strategies, and what you faced, and exchanged information with jaeyun about tips for living abroad, for you that is living alone. the night comes to an end when the wood is all burned and all of you go back into your rooms, you give jongseong’s hand a squeeze as suyeon drags you back to your room, turning your back on a boy now with a gentle smile on his face.

the hike at hallasan national park the next morning was beautiful. you and suyeon stayed back in your crowd as you both just admired the view nature has made while taking photos with your phone to remember. jaeyun and jongseong that were a few people in front of you and suyeon suddenly turn back when he suggests that all of you should take a picture together. suyeon quickly opens her phone and sets it up on your backpack that is on the ground, not getting the best angle of the park itself but your face looks nice to look as she presses her button while you and she are crouching side by side. the boys standing behind you as they lean down to pose for the camera, feeling jongseong’s hand on your shoulders as she takes the last picture before grabbing all your belongings and running to your crowd.

in the evening, you’re straightening the high-neck navy chiffon dress you have to wear for tonight’s final night of the trip which is the farewell party, resembling the waters of the ocean of your hometown as one of mom’s seamstress’ friend in the town helps in making. suyeon’s heavy makeup on your face makes you look like a whole person as she steps beside you wearing a spaghetti strap silver dress that accentuates the shape of her body. you picked up and put on the white blazer that you brought on your bed because of your lack of confidence in your body to cover it up if needed, and your pockets for all your important belongings. walking down the hallway in the white sneakers you have used since you arrived—as you have observed a trend of using sneakers with dress recently, you stepped into the hall that is rented for the night with suyeon holding arms with you. seeing the elegant silver-and-purple-themed decorations and the buffet served on the side with tables in the middle and a dance floor at the front.

suyeon and you were the centers of attention when you both walk inside, a few of your peers staring too long at you both when you caught them, making them flustered and turning their heads away from other than a few people that don’t which are the people you recognized has been nice to the of you. that’s when your eyes landed on jongseong across from you, wearing a simple white shirt, a pair of suit pants, and an adoring gaze in his eyes. he walks to you as you are to him, with jaeyun walking behind him as he poses some ridiculous expression on his face to make you and suyeon laugh. your hands were intertwine with each other in front of you, swaying your body as you see him taking in your outfit for the night.

“dress and sneakers?” he squints his eyes at you.

“you know i have a hatred for high heels…” you lean closer to whisper to him as his hand caresses yours.

“and the blazer?”

you lean back but stay close as your hand opens the other side of the blazer, letting him see the shoulder and the junction between it and your neck where the straps of your dress rested. “also useful if i ever get cold.” you added.

“you know you can just cuddle up to me, right?” jongseong puts his arm around your waist as you pat his chest from the sudden closeness. you rolled your eyes before giving him a peck on the cheek.

“or i can just get warm from the food that we’re having tonight.” you boop his nose before pulling him to the sit that jaeyun and suyeon have found and seated, which are yedam and jisung and their respective significant others. jongseong’s simmering jealousy for jisung to be glancing at you has subsided when you found out he’s now dating one of your classmates. you remembered that significant actions as you hear how he sighs at the appearance of the couple where you two arrived in the class. from what you observed since the three of them are leaders in your year’s student council, jongseong—who once was mad that he didn’t get the president’s seat—now has created a camaraderie with yedam and jisung, even after their period ended they still hung out a few times per month as he sometimes tells you about it.

walking in the line of teenagers waiting for food with its share of shenanigans and putting them down on the table as you hear your stomach rumbling, suyeon asks the four of you to take a picture at the empty photo booth on the other side of the buffet. you pull off your blazers and put them on your chairs as suyeon tells the others there to help keep an eye out on it. jongseong seemingly can’t help to put his arm around your waist as the four of you walk to the set, pressing a kiss on your bare shoulder that makes goosebumps form on your arms. you approach jaeyun as he is video calling sunghoon on his phone, greeting him when you see his sleepy face on the screen. it was your crowd’s turn to take a photo where all of you stood in front of the white backdrop. staring at the reflection of the four of you with sunghoon smiling from jaeyun’s screen as the pictures are taken.

the four of you did it again and again as no people are behind you as they were too busy eating. you and suyeon lean against each other as if you’re posing for a spy movie poster; suyeon and jaeyun battle it out to try to get points from you and jongseong on who is the most ridiculously decorated from the available props; jaeyun making jongseong piggyback him, and the last is you and jongseong stood closer to the camera lens so the cameras capture half of your body from the chest and up with various expressions and you kissing his cheek.

after finishing the dinner, the dance floor suddenly lights up as your schoolmates are stepping on it and let the dj play the music, from the party anthem to the karaoke galore, everyone seems to have a good time. so, when it came to the slow music, you were lightly nudged onto the dance floor because of suyeon as she winks at you. you see a hand showing up in your vision as you followed it to jongseong with his signature smirk. you accept his hands and immediately put yours on his shoulder, his hand resting on your waist and hipbone.

“i didn’t get the chance to tell you how beautiful you are tonight.” jongseong tells you as you furrow your eyebrows at the comment before calming yourself down, seeing him trying not to smile too wide as you patted his chest near his heart with a small grin.

the song continues as you slow dance to the music, telling him how sneakers are a perfect choice for you as you don’t have to worry about your balance, earning a small chuckle from him before he rested his head on your shoulder, giving a kiss on the side of the neck as you hear him whisper.

“i’m going to miss you.”

you rub your hand on his nape, whispering “i’m going to miss you too.” in his ear.

he leans back and rested his forehead on yours, feeling your breath meeting each other as the darkness consumes the room in the right shade, obscuring the others but still able to see the person in front of you clearly. you let your mind wander about your future with him, what you two are going to do after graduating, where you two will live, and if he wants to do more like getting married or having kids. you realize that in each scenario you were thinking if you were to have a partner, no matter what happens, you can see jongseong standing by your side.

your lips form a pout from what you were thinking in your mind. you felt a thumb caressing it, realizing jongseong’s warm palm is resting on your cheeks as his thumb parts your lips. leaning closer, you capture his as you send him all of the might and love you have for him. his hand caressing your cheek gives you a signal that he is also sending the ones he has to you too. one of the nights from the nights you’re going to have with him for the rest of your life.

it's jay's 21st birthday when he awakes in a parisian hotel, feeling refreshed from the jet lag he got after flying from new york city across the atlantic ocean. he opened his phone to see the notifications coming from his parents from hours ago, his mom telling him they're inside the aircraft and will depart soon. he can see another number notification above his family's group chat, a chat coming from you confirming what cafe you will be meeting for today from an hour ago before replying again.

"i'm on the train. see you *heart emoji*"

jay jumps from his bed to his open suitcase where he packs clothes he only prepares for the five days he'll be in france between paris and nice. picking out the perfect outfit for the spring weather as he replies back to you to then prepares himself as best as he can, feeling the warm water relaxes his tense muscles. preparing him for the first time he ever sees you in person in three years.

he regretted not being there to send you off at the airport three years ago. knowing that he can wait for his acceptance letter to arrive on his email when he waits for your flight with you and your parents. but, back then in his mind, if he was there, it will be harder for him to let you go and he will be on such a roller coaster of a mess of emotions in a public space between you leaving and his letter. so, when he sees the letter from new york university's steinhardt arrived and sees that he got accepted, he immediately sends a text to you, not expecting you to reply as soon as possible with a small "congrats :D" that just makes his heart bloom even more because of you.

jay opens his leather messenger bag after sitting down on the outdoor terrace of the cafe you both agreed upon meeting. pulling out sheets of paper with scribbles of music theory notes and a business proposal on the other from the music business major he is in. after he becomes a part of the crew of the school festival—which his dad said the council has continued for each year ever since—he felt like that is his true calling: bringing joy in creating an event to bring together musicians in their differing popularity and genre so they can reach the mainstream media and succeed in their career. even though he always has music playing in at least one of his ears, he didn't bother to put on his wireless earbuds for today so that he can hear the sound of the bustling city, the traffic, the sound of grilling coming from inside, people talking as they walk past him on the pavement, waiting for the sound of your clear voice.

"Excusez-moi.¹⁴” someone voiced out behind him. thinking it might be one of the waitresses serving the food and beverage that he orders, he turns around to see a woman wearing a creme turtleneck and plaid dress pants, carrying a small bag with a cherry keychain dangling on it. as he looks up at her face, his eyes widen and his jaw dropped.

"Désolé de vous déranger. Êtes-vous M. Jay Park ?¹⁵” he stood up from his chair as soon as you jokingly ask to him in french, gripping onto your saddle bag's strap while pushing the bridge of the thin-framed glasses you are wearing. feeling his hands immediately cupping your cheeks, he leans in to kiss you hard as your hands hold onto his upper arm to stabilize yourself. tilting both of your heads to the side to get deeper as it has been a long time since you finally see him. as many times as you want to meet up face to face, your schedule always does not match up; when you went home he just arrived at new york; when he flies back, you were departing to the UK. so it is a rarity for you to even be able to see him with your eyes, even though it will only take half of the day.

you lean back and wrap your arms around his neck, hugging him close as your head is buried in the crook of his neck, feeling his hands move around your waist and rubbing your head. squeezing him as hard as you can with him following, you lean your body back when your hand reaches to caress his face, still not believing you are finally able to see your boyfriend for a long time.

"hi…" you mumbled as you pouted your lips, feeling him rubbing the expanse of your back.

"hi, love. come, sit." he gestured you to the seat across from his as you put your bag down on the table and sit down, fixing your glasses as you see the printed papers on the table with scribbles of handwriting you recognized as his. suddenly making you remember the homework that has its deadline in three days, you rub your sweaty palms against your pants and finally feel the tiredness of using your legs to get here as soon as possible. you took your breaths as jongseong sees from across from you, concern in his eyes.

"sorry… i…" you clear your throat. "i literally just arrived at Gare du Nord and i immediately run here." you gulped your saliva as you felt his hands on your hands that were helping to open up your lungs. "good thing you pick a cafe near here when i told you i'll be using a train from london," you added as he giggled.

"i miss you too. don't worry i was panicking too when i see your notification that you are on your way," he reassured you as he leans in closer to give a peck on your hands. you asked the waiter for the menu as they served jongseong's orders, reading out the scribbles and contents of jongseong's work as he eats his breakfast, stealing a few glances at him before you look down at the music sheet that you can read some of the symbols. when your order arrived, that's when he started to talk.

"how's oxford?" he starts as you give a small chuckle.

"well, it's fun but i, of course, have my fair share of challenges to face. some you know from the video calls we managed to squeeze in on our five-hour time difference." he giggles when you mention the time difference and ridiculous scheduling you have to prepare just for a video call. even though you were only across the pond from him, he can see how torturous it must be for you and him to talk knowing your differing lives in your respective cities. your chin points towards him to let him to talk, "same question."

"well, new york city is just a different breed of city, to be honest. i'm glad that you taught me to ride the seoul metro or i don't think i won't survive there as i mostly use it to travel to campus." he rambled as you give a light pat on his free hand while the other holds a cup of coffee.

"my main mode of transport is still the train and having prior knowledge in figuring out routes really does help with me navigating through the london tubes and king's cross," you said as you remember one of the first times you rode on the london tubes from your accommodation to where you learn your foundation course. the iconic red circle with the blue stripe right in the middle is now your association with london other than the eye or even buckingham palace.

as you both sit around while finishing your order, jongseong sipping his coffee slowly to wait for you. the sound coming from you as you open your bag and pull out something gets his attention. you nudge it on the table towards him as he read the contents on it, a louvre museum tickets for the two of you in the afternoon, a smile on your face as he looks up at you. "we don't have much time anyway since i have to go back but that's my gift to you," you said as you continue your food.

around noon, you walked out of the train station on your way to the museum, your hand held tight to his as you walk around the street of paris. you told him the reasons why you picked to bring him to louvre as it is a place you are very interested to go to if you ever visit paris. "and i want to impress you with what i studied back in uni." you added as he laughed, telling you all the work he has done in new york city.

"wait, so if you arrived at the cafe at 9:30, when did your train depart?" jongseong moves his hand from yours to wrap around your shoulders while you look down at the gps in your phone pointing you towards louvre.

"06:00 in the morning. but, i stayed at a friend's house in london before going though." you raised your shoulders as you told him the logistics of it all. how the previous day you travel from oxford to london and meet up with a friend of yours that you meet in your foundation course, who is studying in university college london, and put your baggage there so you only brought what you needed for your journey here like your passport.

you approach the hidden-looking entrance with the "Le Carrousel Du Louvre" written on it by the sidewalk. you whispered to jongseong about how you learned the entrance to the museum from the underground mall that leads to the same place where the people entering from the pyramid will arrive. as you hold arms with jongseong, you have entered the museum grounds while switching your map to the museum map you downloaded from the website.

"where do you want to go first?" you nudged your shoulder to his as he turns his head.

"up to you." he replied as he looks down at the map in your phone whilst you help scroll it around "since you want to impress me, we can go to Sully Wing at level 0 and start from there." he winks as you guide him to where escalators are underneath the glass pyramid.

you felt shivers running down your spine as you enter a room full of statues and sculptures of beings you studied as the greek and roman deities. seeing the statues of gods like dionysus, artemis—or diana if using the roman name— with her hand on a doe's tusk, and smaller sculptures. seeing it up close as you took all the details of such sculptors being able to create such masterpieces back in the renaissance and before.

"this is athena of velletri, goddess of war and wisdom." you mumbled as you look up at the massive statue of the goddess on top of the pedestal. "i hope you don't mind me talking," you whispered as you felt him leaning his head on your shoulder.

"no, i don't. i love hearing you talk about what you studied. like, you did fangirl in front of me back when you were reading your book when we hung out." your palm presses against his lips to stop him from talking as you dragged him away from the crowd. walking and viewing the other statutes like venus de milo.

you also brought him to the eastern art and sculptures as you have just started your oriental studies where you currently learning about egyptian and the middle east. seeing a literal sarcophagus from egypt and a mini sphinx where you told about the egyptian mythology and history you have learned. you can't help but squeal when you see a few mesopotamian sculptures but also fill your sadness and anger boiling when you know that both of the exhibitions you see were pretty much stolen from their parts of the world. you really wished you could bring them back to where they were picked up after you graduate and be a curator or any other career you can think of.

both of you approach the statue of the winged victory of samothrace after taking a glance at the mona lisa room that is full of people. "mona lisa isn't in my studies anyway," you pushed him away as jongseong's laugh almost echos on the hallway, muffled by the people staring and taking a picture at the woman who smiles.

"winged victory of samothrace. that is the body of nike, goddess of victory, on top of the bow of the boat. sad to see that they're not able to fully restore the statue." you let out a small frown as you looked up to the marble statue. looking down at your phone, you see the time has already passed 15:00. you lean in to whisper to jongseong that you're going to buy him an early dinner before pecking his cheek, immediately making him grab you away from the crowded halls.

"that was eye-opening," he commented after you both order your food. he loves and misses having deep conversations with you, especially about how passionate you are about learning the world's history and society through art. looking outside to the lights entering from the glass pyramid as he felt your thumb caressing his that you were holding. you, on the other hand, want to memorize how his hands feel as you're going to be away from each other for another year before facing the world together.

"we should go to each other's graduation next year. me to nyc, you to oxford," you spoke your proposal as he lifts his hands that are holding yours to his lips, giving both of yours a kiss on their backs, before nodding. you heard the one of your phone vibrating on the wooden table as you see jongseong's screen lights up, his mom texting him that they have arrived.

you use your chin to point to his as he reacts a grab it, tapping something on the screen before pausing. he straightened his sitting position and adjusts his phone in front of you, a smirk forming behind his phone. "i want to take a picture of you to send to my parents. to let them know that you're here with me." he explained as you silently agree and pose a warm smile to the camera.

as the main course is served while you were eating your escargot, you were having deep thoughts about your relationship with him. time hasn't been on both of your sides because of your studies and your part-time job at the campus cafe. but, none of the connections has been tampered any other way. conflicts do occur especially in regards to canceling scheduled video calls, but you both tried to resolve them as fast as you can. you both don't want to have the same fight as the one you have back on your farewell trip three years ago. so you both tried to be as open as possible, venting to each other about a bad day even though you know he might not even wake up on his side of the world. you just have to wait one more year and he's going to be by your side at any chance, maybe you follow him to stay in the US, he follow you to stay in the UK, or you both go back and live in seoul or some other small town or suburban city.

you lean your head on his shoulder as you stood in the car of the parisian metro, on your way to Gare du Nord for your train back to london, letting your hands grip the metal bar so you don't sway as much. moments like this make you remember your train rides back home after cafe crawling, creases forming on both of your uniforms from how much you move around. simple things like this are what you try to remember in this convoluted world. just let your eyes rest to admire the little things, pleasant and not, the world has given to you and other people.

"why can't you just stay here with me and my parents? we can go to nice together," he whines as you see him pout when steps out of the train and in transit to your platform. you hold his hand as you stop at the bridge you have to cross to go to your platform, cupping his cheeks as you give a peck on his pouty lips, pouting your own lips too.

"i literally spent around 400 € of my money for today from both my living costs and wages from my job. leave me be, boy." he laughs after your rambling, looking down at the cherry keychain dangling from your bag. "i brought my seashell collection with me too, yours included." you said as you look up at him and the lights turning on as the sun seems to want to say goodbye today. looking at the clock as it says 19:05 and a train enters into one of the platforms, you know you have to say a goodbye of your own.

you felt your eyes starting to burn from the realization as jongseong stared into you and right into your seoul. your emotions overwhelmed you even though you have trained yourself to not cry when you have to part ways. jongseong's forehead now leans against you as you sob quietly, letting your lips meet his right in the middle. the kiss gives sparks and motivation in your head as you know you can make it and also reassures him that you are going to be alright.

"text me when you arrived in london." jongseong mumbles as you give a tight lip smile before hugging him, resting your head on his shoulder.

"i love you so much and happy birthday," you speak into his ear before giving a kiss on the shell, feeling his hands rubbing your back and then wrapped around your waist so tight.

"i love you too." he whispered back as you soothe his nape before letting go of his body. "i almost forgot." you see him open his back to bring out a pack of three golden-foiled spheres that made you grin. jongseong opens the plastic wrapper and pulls one of them out to give to you. you can see the ferrero rocher logo written on top of it with the brown cup underneath it, holding it gently in your hand as you smile by yourself, stifling a laugh.

"thanks." you lean closer and give a small kiss on his lips as you walk to the pedestrian bridge behind him, looking onto the tracks below you as you open the gold foil of the chocolate.

jay finally turns around to see you almost nearing the end of the bridge, wanting to see you one last time, not knowing that you turn around to do the same. you raise the chocolate ball in your hand to show him and take a small bite of it, giving a small smirk as he put his hand where his heart is before turning away. connecting all the roads together from the start of your relationship.

and now you know, that for the farthest he is in your life, he is only a crossroad away.

translations

German / Deutsch

¹Guten Abend = Good Evening

²Was möchten Sie bestellen? = What would you like to order?

³Was empfehlen Sie? = What do you recommend?

⁴Ich persönlich empfehle unsere Eisschokolade und Latte = I personally recommend our Iced Chocolate and Latte

⁵Ich habe geholfen, den Geschmack selbst zu testen, und seitdem sind sie meine Lieblingsgetränke = I helped to test the flavor myself and they've been my favorite drinks ever since

⁶Auf Wiedersehen! = Goodbye!

Spanish / Español

⁷¿Lo has encontrado? = Have you found it?

⁸¿Puedo ayudarte? = Can I help you?

⁹¿Puedes hablar Español? = You can speak Spanish?

¹⁰Un poco… = A little..

¹¹Estamos tratando de encontrar la entrada a la montaña rusa = We are trying to find the entrance to the roller coaster

¹²¡Muchas gracias! = Thank you so much!

¹³De nada… = You're welcome...

French / Français

¹⁴Excusez-moi = excuse me

¹⁵Désolé de vous déranger. Êtes-vous M. Jay Park ? = sorry for bothering you. are you mr. jay park?

taglist: @bubblejunnies @meowchikatt @endzii23 @reallysmolrenjun @msxflower @fluffywoo @camipendragon @hiqhkey

can’t tag: @kayalayadayla @ricepill @enchantedrose

#oh freak 400+ notes!#thanks so much #here's a reminder for me to emulate this style of writing whilst i make my two other jay fics (loomer n tbotc)#rsc: crossroads #milestone of the moon

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writingmochi · 14 days

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lissie: yall are gonna be angry at me for pitting these two together for loomer... (aka the closest thing to a riize fic i'm making here because i just wanna make a fic that includes wonbin lmao aka no, i'm not adding riize to the roster. entxteez are enough)

also, i'm not the only that feels like they could definitely star in 90s era wong kar-wai movies, right?

#research update by the moon #rsc: loomer #rsc: loveless #i still can't believe that wonbin's shorter than jay tho

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writingmochi · 14 days

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lissie: i just saw someone commenting in my wattpad's version of crossroads on multiple paragraphs in the first part. that's the same feeling as having someone like your fic here or seeing someone giving a bookmark on ao3 :D

still, after nearly a year of crossposting: i still don't understand how their algorithm works. i know that the ao3 likes more ship fics instead of self-inserts and they also like multi-chaptered works more because time wave has more hits than my one-shots. but the wattpad algorithm... that's just a mystery tbh

if you understand those two platforms' algorithms, can any of yall give like some post/module for that? XD

#status updates by the moon