#many more to come til end of 23'
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“Skye Infernal” - Acrylic paint on canvas
#first painting since JAN 2023#thanks for sticking with me folks#acrylic#paint#acrylic paint#abstract#abstract expressionism#abstract art#pour paint#pour painting#art#art on tumblr#textured painting#layered painting#the sky#w/clouds#many more to come til end of 23'
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Whumptober 2023
Welcome to Whumptober 2023 — the sixth year running!
COMPLETIONISTS/PARTICIPANT BADGES CAN BE FOUND HERE
To those of you who participated last year, welcome back! To everyone joining this year, welcome!
Please make sure to read the Event Info carefully, as most of your questions will be answered there already. For everything else, you are welcome to come to our ask box or ask questions in our Discord server here.
This year’s AO3 Collection can be found here.
And this years playlist can be found here.
There are 139 prompt options in total this year - this is including the alternatives list! A special thanks goes out to those who took part in our trope vote back in July. From the 1526 responses to our list of 223 tropes, we looked through the popularity results, as well as your honourable mentions, and were able to produce this years prompts list. Stay tuned, as we will be posting some of the results at a later date!
We’re very excited to see the community come together once more and be a wild, chaotic bunch of creators and consumers of whump. Go wild with the prompts, and support your fellow creators - we wish you all the fun!
Best of luck and happy whumping,
Mods Vanne, Yenn, Kitty and Surro
(All 31 Themes + Prompts, Event Information and FAQs are posted below the cut!)
Whumptober 2023 Prompt List
No. 1: “But now this room is spinning while I’m trying just to fill in all the gaps.”
Safety Net | Swooning | “How many fingers am I holding up?”
No. 2: “I’ll call out your name, but you won’t call back.”
Thermometer | Delirium | “They don't care about you.”
No. 3: “Like crying out in empty rooms; with no-one there except the moon.”
Journal | Solitary Confinement | “Make it stop.”
No. 4: “I see the danger, It’s written there in your eyes.”
Cattle Prod | Shock | “You in there?”
No. 5: “You better pray I don't get up this time around.”
Debris | Pinned Down | “It's broken.”
No. 6: “Do or die, you’ll never make me; Because the world will never take my heart.”
Recording | Made to Watch | “It should have been me.”
No. 7: " “I paced around for hours on empty; I jumped at the slightest of sounds.”
Alleyway | Radio Silence | “Can you hear me?”
No. 8: “I’ve got soul, but I’m not a soldier.”
Overcrowded ER | Outnumbered | “It’s all for nothing.”
No. 9: “Learning everything ain't what it seems, that's the thing about these days.”
Polaroid | Mistaken Identity | “You're a liar.”
No. 10: “Can’t you see that you’re lost without me?”
Broken Phone | Stranded | “You said you'd never leave.”
No. 11: “All the lights going dark and my hope’s destroyed.”
Animal trap | Captivity | “No one will find you.”
No. 12: “I haven't slept in days but who's counting?”
Red | Insomnia | “I’m up, I’m up.”
No. 13: “It comes and goes like the strength in your bones.”
Cold Compress | Infection | “I don’t feel so good.”
No. 14: “Feed me poison, fill me ‘till I drown.”
Flare | Water Inhalation | “Just hold on.”
No. 15: “I don't need you to help me I can handle things myself.”
Makeshift Bandages | Suppressed Suffering | “I’m fine.”
No. 16: “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”
Gurney | Flatline | “Don’t go where I can’t follow.”
No. 17: “You’re the lump in my throat and the knot in my chest.”
Collar | Touch Aversion | “Leave me alone.”
No. 18: “I tend to deflect when I’m feeling threatened.”
Blindfold | Tortured For Information | “Hit them harder.”
No. 19: “I’ll take one final step, all you have to do is make me.”
Floral Bouquet | Psychological | “I’m not as stupid as you think I am.”
No. 20: “People don’t change people, time does.”
Blanket | Found Family | “You will regret touching them.”
No. 21: “See the chains around my feet.”
Vows | Restraints | “Don't move.”
No. 22: “They never saw us coming, ‘til they hit the floor.”
Glass Shard | Vehicular Accident | “Watch out!”
No. 23: “It’s gonna get me by the end of the night.”
Shadows | Stalking | “Who’s there?”
No. 24: “I’ve got a head full of chemicals; mouth full of ridicule.”
Goodbye Note | Neglect | “I thought they were with you.”
No. 25: “You’re not delivering a perfect body to the grave.”
Storm | Buried Alive | “They’re not breathing!”
No. 26: “Sometimes I get so tired; I don’t even know myself.”
Seeing Double | Working To Exhaustion | “You look awful.”
No. 27: “You drew stars around my scars; But now I’m bleeding.”
Matches | Scars | “Let me see”
No. 28: “We might not make it to the morning; so go on and tell me now.”
Bloody Knife | Sacrifice | “You'll have to go through me.”
No. 29: “I only sink deeper the deeper I think.”
Scented Candle | Troubled Past Resurfacing | “What happened to me?”
No. 30: “It’s okay, just to say, ‘I’m not okay’.”
Borrowed Clothing | Bridal Carry | “Not much longer...”
No. 31: “I thought that I was getting better.”
Emptiness | Setbacks | “Take it easy.”
Alternatives List:
Betrayal
Aftermath of Failure
Brass Knuckles
Decoy
Body Modification
Playing Cards
Examination
Hunting
Drugging
Shaking
Panic
Broken
Miscommunication
Lab Rat
Reluctant Whumper
Event Info & Rules
~ Please read our extensive event info posts before sending us an ask ~
WHUMPTOBER is a month-long, prompt-based creation challenge (think: Inktober, but whumpier). There are 31 official themes this year - one for each day of the month - which can be used, skipped, or combined in any way you’d like. The 'theme' of each day is the line of lyrics.
The prompts are merely to serve as inspiration without being taken literally (e.g. you don’t have to include the exact wording of prompts into your work). Feel free to run rampant on interpretation. For example, if the prompt is "flame", you could create something with reference to a candle/campfire, your character could have suffered a burn, or the flame could be related to the 'spark' of a relationship. It's truly up to you!
In total, there are 4 prompts for each day: there's lyrics, an object, a trope and a line of dialogue to choose from. We want to give everyone as much creative freedom as possible, as well as increase event accessibility for folks with triggers and squicks.
Creators can PRODUCE work in any media they choose, including but not limited to: writing, visual artwork, photo/video/audio edits, paper crafts and elaborate recommendation lists (not just a list of links). Creators can PARTICIPATE as much or as little as they want (i.e. you don’t have to do ALL the prompts if you don’t want to) and prompts can be used in any order. They are also free to use even after the event ends.
When uploading Whumptober content to your blog, be sure to tag the with:
#whumptober2023 …..(the event tag)
#no.1, #no.2, #no.3, …..(day number)
#lyric, #bruises, #stabbing, …..(the theme or specific prompt you chose)
#fandom or #OC, … (ironman, originalcontent, oc …)
#medium …..(gifs, fic, podcast, art, etc.)
#teeth, #gore tw, #etc …..(trigger warnings & any additional tags. Add "tw" AFTER the trigger/content warning. )
#nsfwhump …..(only for nsfw content)
#your own tags go here
PLEASE BE DILIGENT WITH YOUR TAGGING. Only properly tagged posts are considered for archiving on the official @whumptober-archive blog. They must be tagged in the order above. An elaborate post about our tagging system can be found [here]
Unfortunately, due to the sheer number of participants in recent years, we cannot guarantee your work will be archived. A random selection of properly tagged posts from all genres will be reblogged each day.
Whumpers who produce content for 31 total theme days are considered event completionists and will be tagged in a masterpost at the end of the month. A form will be published at the beginning of November asking you to tell us if you completed the event. You do not need to post anything you have created, we rely on trust and we will not check this.
Questions not addressed in one of our many event info posts can be directed to this blog. We will not answer any questions that have been answered in the FAQs or rules already.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q. How does this year’s prompt list work? What do I have to choose?
You can create something based on:
The overall theme/lyric of the day
Prompt 1, 2 or 3
One or several of the alternative prompts
A combination of the above
Q. Is [specific anything] allowed?
When in doubt: JUST DO IT!
Q. Do I have to do all 31 days?
Participate as much or little as you like! Just be sure to tag your posts properly (ex. #no.7, #radio silence). If you create works for 31 total theme days you will become a completionist. But apart from that, there are no repercussions if you don’t fill prompts for each day.
Q. Can I post early/late?
Yes, you can post whenever you want. We will only reblog posts during October, but you can use our prompts all year round. The day you post will only affect your probability of being reblogged.
Q. Will you reblog my post?
Due to the sheer number of content posted during Whumptober we can’t promise to reblog every single post. We will make a random selection trying to capture a wide variety of content. The following will increase your chances at being reblogged:
tag your post properly
post within 2-3 days of the theme you want to fill: if you fill the prompt for Day 1 your chances of being reblogged during October 1st to 3rd are highest and will go towards zero afterwards.
Q. What if I don’t understand a prompt/theme?
Send us an ask! We’re happy to help with wild, unhelpful clarifications or brainstorming. That being said, the themes are entirely up for interpretation. Don’t take them too literally. For example: You can be choking on a cherry, someone else can choke you or you could be choked up on emotions, etc.
Q. What kind of content can I make? Can it be NSFW?
This is a MIXED MEDIA event! You can write fic, post meta, doodle or paint, create a gifset or photo edit, link a song, or get crafty with video - anything goes. As for NSFW, make what you like, we just hope that you’ll tag your work accordingly so that others participating in the event can stay safe.
Q. Can I combine Whumptober with other creation challenges?
Absolutely, as long as the other challenges allow it too.
Q. Can I upload/repost my Whumptober content to other social media platforms?
Of course! You can post your own content wherever you like (or you can opt to not publish it at all). Additionally we’ve created an AO3 Collection to archive any fics posted there. It can be accessed here. The tumblr blog @whumptober-archive is the official archive, so please respect the boundaries of any closeted whumpers in your social circle.
Q. Can I use prompts to write a new chapter for an existing fic?
Yes.
Q. An existing fic I am currently writing contains many of the Whumptober prompts, can I use it?
If you are actively writing this fic at the moment with the Whumptober prompts in mind, yes. If you’ve previously posted something that checks the boxes, we ask that you not include it retroactively for this current year. You can, however, add new chapters relating to one or more of the prompts.
Q. What kind of characters can I write for?
Fandom characters, OC characters, human, furry, alien, cyborg, RPF, whoever you like. You can use the generic “whumpee” character or have specific ones.
Q. Does it have to take place in a specific fandom?
No, you can create works for your own worlds or for fandoms or for both. You can also create more generic or pan-fandom works. You can do cross-overs or use OCs, whatever you want.
Q. Can I use a prompt multiple times?
Yes, but it only counts once towards being a completionist.
Q. If I’m not comfortable with one day’s prompts can I use a prompt of a different day as a substitute and still be a completionist?
No, you can’t exchange prompts for different days. However, if all four prompts of a specific day make you uncomfortable, we have created an alternate prompts list that you can draw from. You can exchange any prompt with these, but please make sure not to use them twice.
Q. Where can I post my work?
Post where and how you want. You don’t have to (cross)post it to Tumblr or at all. Just keep in mind if it’s not on Tumblr we will not be able to add it to the blog archive.
Q. Can I start posting early?
You can, but this is an October event and wouldn’t it be more fun with everyone doing it at the same time? That being said, you can post early, but we won’t be reblogging any work predating October 1st.
Q. Do I have to finish a fic I started/can I post WIP’s?
Yes you can post WIPs. And you’re not obligated to finish it in October for it to count towards being a completionist.
Q. Is co-writing allowed?
Yes, absolutely, and it would count towards being a completionist for both/all of you.
Q. Do I have to create 31 standalone pieces to be considered a completionist or can I write one continuous story?
One continuous story is fine. The challenge is to write something for 31 prompts. If that’s spread over 31 fics or just one, you are still considered a completionist. (The same goes for every other media you choose.)
Q. Is there a min/max limit on word count?
There is no limit.
Q. Can I combine prompts? Is there a limit on how many?
No limit and combine as many as you’d like.
Q. Is a hc/angst/emotional whump focus ok?
Of course! We are not going to establish a threshold for whumpiness. If you think it’s whumpy enough, then it’s whumpy enough. It can be physical, psychological, emotional, or any combination of the three.
Q. What’s considered nsfw?
See this post
Q. What is whump?
Typically the genre includes situations where a fictional character is hurt, be it emotionally, psychologically, or physically. Fanlore provides information here.
Q. My interpretation of the prompt isn’t whumpy at all, does that count?
If you don’t think your interpretation is whumpy, then it doesn’t count for Whumptober. Remember that whump comes in many forms, though, and that we don’t have a whump-checker or a threshold for how much whump needs to be included. If you think your interpretation contains enough whump to count, then it does.
Q. Can I start working on the prompts before October?
Absolutely! That’s why we post the prompts a month in advance. We recognise how difficult it can be creating for 31 days in “real time” so feel free to start creating early!
Q. How do I tag triggers?
tw at the end of the word, ex. #gore tw
Q. Do I have to use your tags?
Yes, if you want your work archived on the blog. If not, feel free to use whatever tags you want.
Q. Does combining prompts count towards completion?
Yes
Q. Can we @ you?
Yes but we mostly rely on the #whumptober2023 tag.
Q. Is there anything we are absolutely not allowed to write?
There are no rules, but please make sure to properly tag your trigger warnings. And keep in mind Tumblr’s policies if you are posting it here (or the policies for whatever site you use).
Q. Where can I go for brainstorming help?
Here on Discord or come into our ask box.
Q. My characters are minors, is that ok?
Yes, but as with everything else, use clear and descriptive tags.
Q. Can I cross post on other blogs?
Yes, multiple platforms and blogs are perfectly acceptable. You can also post different works to different accounts under different names, without posting them everywhere at once.
Note: This is a creation challenge, please don’t repost your old work under our tags (unless it’s been changed or edited for the event).
Thanks for reading, and happy whumping!
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the one thing that’s giving me hope about ferrari in 2024 is that they finally improved on their car throughout the 2023 season! their development was positive! unlike so many years before when they start the year with a fast car and end with a shit box. and yeah mclaren did too massively, which is a little scary but i feel like ferrari had a faster car than red bull at some point in 2022, so they can find that pace again (hopefully).
f-75 my beloved come back to us 🥹
I agree! We all talk shit about the SF-23 (with good reason) but let's not forget that (barring the DNS in Brazil, DSQ in COTA and DNF in Zandvoort) Charles did not fall outside the top five ONCE since Spa last season. That's an improvement that should be celebrated!
The reason why McLaren improved was to do with downforce, which makes me hopeful that at some point they'll hit that ceiling that Red Bull are at, whereas Ferrari's improvements were literally because they switched to trying to cater to Charles's driving style more than Carlos's. The reason why the F1-75 was beloved was because it was catered to Charles's super oversteery style (til it was changed to accomadate Carlos, but that's another story!) Ferrari can still get that downforce improvement that McLaren benefitted from (which in turn makes it easier to oversteer at high speeds because of the grip on the front tyres).
But yes, never forget what Mattia Binotto took from us. Charles could have contended the champinoship up until Abu Dhabi in 2022 (any maybe even won it) if he had a team that was cohesively behind him like Max did. Instead, we got a catering to the driver not in the championship fight, and as a result lost out on both the WCC and the WDC.
#i believe in that funky bald french guy though#forza ferrari#charles leclerc#scuderia ferrari#formula 1#asks#anon
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Masterlist🦋💫
~🚧i know this is messy rn pls ignore it is under construction 🚧~
-> Welcome to my Blog Introduction
ao3 - BurninLove
Wattpad - FaultInMyCodes
-> Worship (Secret Santa)* - Possessive-Obsessive!Austin x Fem!Reader
-> Candy Hearts ♡ (vday)* - Sub!Austin x DomFem!Reader
-> Camp Counselors - Pt. 1 + Pt. 2 - Austin x Fem!reader
-> Talkshow Host!Austin Headcanons
Bikeriders Asshole!Austin x Makeup Artist!Reader
-> Pt. 1 *
-> Pt. 2*
-> Pt. 3*
-> Pt. 4.1 *
**last updated; 04.30.23**
-> Pt. 4.2 [coming soon]
-> Pt. 5 [coming soon]
Just an Intern Spotify Playlist ⛓️🖤
𝙸 𝚙𝚞𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚝 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚝𝚛𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚘𝚕𝚟𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚞𝚣𝚣𝚕𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍
𝙻𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚖𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚜𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑 𝚑𝚎'𝚕𝚕 𝚍𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚍
𝙵𝚘𝚛𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚘
Themes: friends to lovers, SLOW burn, ANGST, eventual smut, Austin x fem!oc, midsize oc, sad boi/addict aus, fluffy, semi-AU (indie actor austin)
Summary/Intro:
Best friends since college, Austin and Elsie are each other's safety nets. Austin has secrets only Elsie knows, and Elsie has too many closet skeletons for Austin to count.
Austin battles internal demons since the death of his father, which caused a switch to flip that would change him forever. His father’s death happened 4 years ago but it still haunts him – in his mind and in little pills.
Elsie has a weakness for wicked, vile, abusive men. Her boyfriend, Nox, is the latest culprit. And Austin can’t fucking stand him.
Between trying to rescue each other and struggling to save themselves, is there something lying underneath?
18+ as this contains both smut & mature sensitive topics. Please check TWs for each chapter. General overarching warnings at the bottom of this post.
Since this is slow burn-ish so some themes/smut do not show up until later
Chapters containing smut that have * by their name
Forever Winter Spotify Playlist ❄️💞
FW Chapters:
01 - Has He Texted You?
02 - Dependency
03 - The Close Call Clause
04 - Not The First Time
05 - Fix-It Pancakes
06 - Cold Showers
07 - Giving In
08 - Of Course I Do
09 - Thanksgiving Pt. 1
10 - Thanksgiving Pt. 2
11 - Winter Break
12 - Truth or Dare
13 - Dressing Room Games
14 - Hot or Cold? *
15 - No Touching **
16 - When The Night Ends
17 - Do Not Disturb
18 - Nothing There
19 - Not Even For A Second
20 - I Know You’re Lying
21 - Blue M&Ms
22 - Christmas - Pt. 1 - (ft. The Grinch)
23 - Christmas - Pt. 2 - Comeback Special**
24 - Ski Slopes**
25 - New Years Eve (Pt. 1) - Til You Come Back for More*
26 - New Years (Pt. 2) - Say It Again**
27 - The First Close Call
28 - Temporary Fix*
29 - Be My Mistake*
30 - It's Not Living (If It's Not With You)
31 - Mr. Percocet
32 - [TBA - coming soon]
**last updated 05.31.23**
[more chapters to be announced lol]
Author’s Notes:
Each chapter will contain a related song suggestion and matching lyrics. I highly recommend listening to each song as they beautifully mesh with the themes of each individual chapter.
-
Austin/Elvis yanked me from fanfic retirement so when I started writing FW, I fell in love with the characters & the storyline. I’m posting here so that maybe others can fall in love with them too.
I haven’t written in a while so sorry if it’s a little rusty, especially in the first couple chapters.
This post ended up being really long so sorry if it was a lot, thank you if you made it this far.
I hope you love it, please let me know if you do.
#austin butler#austin butler elvis#elvis#elvis movie#elvis film#austin butler fanfiction#austin butler fanfic#elvis fanfic#elvis the pelvis#elvis presley#fanfic#friends to lovers#austin butler x oc#austin butler smut#baz lurhman#baz luhrmann elvis#friends to lovers trope#long reads#long fanfic#austin butler x fem!reader#austin butler x fem!oc#austin butler imagines#austin!elvis smut#austin!elvis fic#austin!elvis#ao3 writer#ao3fic#forever winter fic#forever winter series#just an intern
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love me forever, a yenralt fanmix
23 songs, 1hr 53mins
listen on spotify here
tracklist and lyrics under the cut
YENRALT APPRECIATION, VOL 2. -> prompt: forever + two colors
poison, alice cooper
I wanna love you but I better not touch (don't touch)
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much (too much)
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
be my druidess, type o negative
Around the pyre, a circle of thirteen
Throughout these woods, ecstatic screams
I look deeply into your eyes
I smell your hair, caress your thighs
Now we'll make love by fire light
A blaze so high it lights the night
love is a fire, subvision
Baby, listen, I'm sellin' my soul to the devil in you
So give me, give me the strength and I'll push it through
Love is a fire, and it's ragin' out of control
Love is a fire
And it's burnin' up my soul
love walked in, thunder
So tired of waiting, I walked an empty land
I was looking for something to help me understand
But bad luck kept turning my dreams into sand
I didn't want pity, I had my share of friends
I wanted somebody more special than the rest
I was aching inside like I was approaching the end
Just about that moment the timing was so right
You appeared like a vision sent down to my life
I thought I was dreaming when I saw you that night
spell i'm under, winger
Woman, never before
Without a word I hear so much
Woman, under the spell
Every sin holy in your touch
It's all I feel, it's all I see
And all I know it must be you
You're the spell I'm under
prisoner of your eyes, judas priest
When I saw your face
I became a prisoner of your eyes
And I would do just anything
To stay and be with you
love me forever, motörhead
Love me forever, or not at all
End of our tether, backs to the wall
You give me your hand, don't you ever ask why
Promise me nothing, live 'til we die
hold on to my heart, W.A.S.P.
Take away the pain, inside my soul
And I'm afraid, so all alone
Take away the pain, that's burning in my soul
Cause I'm afraid that I'll be all alone
So just hold me, hold me, hold me
love you to death, type o negative
In her place one hundred candles burning
As salty sweat drips from her breast
Her hips move and I can feel what they're saying, swaying
They say the beast inside of me is gonna get ya, get ya, get
dance macabre, ghost
How could it end like this?
There's a sting in the way you kiss me
Something within your eyes
Said it could be the last time
'Fore it's over
sleeping (in the fire), W.A.S.P.
Touch, touch in the flame's desire
Feeling the pain's denial
And your finger's in the fire
Look, look in the candlelight
See in the flame of life
And my spell is our lie
darling, mcc
Been on my way so many times
I walked away so many times
From you
But in the end you held the key
And as it seems the fate of me
In you
It's ashes and dust
Where are you now?
I need you now
You're lost somehow
Where are you now?
jasmine and rose, clan of xymox
The air tastes just like you, it's the smell of June
A sensory shock that jolts my spirit, I slowly swallow you
A spray of little droplets, a fragrance so refined
The spirit of nostalgia is passing me by
darkness at the heart of my love, ghost
There's a darkness at the heart of my love
That runs cold, runs deep
The darkness at the heart of my love
So bold, so sweet
one more fucking time, motörhead
Both your eyes wide open
You see the shape I'm in
It wasn't of my choosing
It's only bones and skin
And I will plead no contest
If loving you's a crime
So go on and find me guilty
Just one more fucking time
hell is living without you, alice cooper
Try to walk away
When I see the time I've wasted
Starving at a feast
And all this wine I've never tasted
On my lips your memory has been stained
Is it all in vain?
Tell me who's to blame, yeah
mama i'm coming home, ozzy osbourne
You took me in and you drove me out
Yeah, you had me hypnotized, yeah
Lost and found and turned around
By the fire in your eyes
You made me cry, you told me lies
But I can't stand to say goodbye
Mama, I'm coming home
I could be right, I could be wrong
It hurts so bad, it's been so long
Mama, I'm coming home
only my heart talkin', alice cooper
Anybody's dream can fall apart
Anybody's mask can break
Couldn't tell you how I wanted you
Enough to make you want to stay
I never said the words out loud
I guess I couldn't get' em straight
Baby, give me one more chance
Before you walk away
this heart of mine (i pledge), pain of salvation
I lie awake watching your shoulders
Move so softly as you breathe
With every breath you're growing older
But that is fine if you're with me
I pledge to wake you with a smile
I pledge to hold you when you cry
I pledge to love you 'till I die
'Till I die
i don't want to live without you, sleeze beez
I find myself in a strange situation
And I don't know how
What seemed to be an infatuation
Is so different now
I can't get by if we're not together
Ooh can't you see
Girl, I want you now and forever
Close to me
I'm longing for the time
I'm longing for the day
Hoping that you will promise to be mine
And never go away
save your love, great white
I wake in the night
To find you on my mind
Deep in a dream,
You'll always be
Until the end of time
I look in your eyes
They touch my soul
My love is hard to hide
I'm never alone when we're apart.
I feel you by my side
angel, judas priest
Angel, put sad wings around me now
Protect me from this world of sin so that we can rise again
Oh, Angel, we can find our way somehow
Escaping from the world we're in to a place where we began
And I know we'll find a better place and peace of mind
Just tell me that it's all you want, for you and me
Angel, won't you set me free?
life eternal, ghost
Can you hear me say your name forever?
Can you see me longing for you forever?
Would you let me touch your soul forever?
Can you feel me longing for you forever, forever?
#thewitcheredit#yenraltsource#the witcher#the witcher netflix#twn#yenralt#geralt x yennefer#playlist#fanmix#rj.gif#i have not felt like giffing lately rip#so have this silly little fanmix instead
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Prepare those calzones rojos and don't choke til you swallow that twelfth grape.
Any "best of '23" lists you wanna expose to this here tumblr audience?
I've waited until the very end to answer this, since my yearly vacation lines up with the last week of December, allowing maximum time to devote to "gaming like a monster". I still didn't play shit for new games this year, but I am confident that every title on this list makes Baldur's Gate 3 and Tears of the Kingdom look like a bunch of muddy, wet shit:
Heart of the Killer
The 8th and penultimate episode in thecatamites' Anthology of the Killer series, which in aggregate is the most compelling project to come out of the medium in recent memory. Follow zinester and aspiring murder victim BB as she navigates a strange world of maniac killers and maniac killer paraphernalia. Combines the warm trappings of pulp horror and associated genre schlock with the profound literary sense and humor of the author. Boasts the rare perfect art design.
This one features 'liminal spaces' and is about the regulation and dictation of desire. Oh shit!
Varney Lake
Another 'pixel-pulp' title by the Argentine LCB Studio, this time a King or Bradbury-esque portrait of mournful childhood nostalgia set in the summer of 1954. Three friends find a dracula in the woods and he turns out to be basically just a stand-up kind of guy. Sincere, intelligent writing and gorgeous CGA-inspired art that transcends mere imitation of that style.
Pseudo-sequel to the fantastic Mothmen 1966 and best enjoyed in sequence with that game.
Stomp Plonk
It's just good old-fashioned fun to stomp and plonk around in Marek Kapolka's wordless fantasy world. The character designs and animation here bring me a lot of joy. Sometimes a game just needs to be a collection of little cretins.
Pseudoregalia
Sharply designed 3D metroidvania based on an earlier game jam project. Strangely melancholic tone and a nice, expressive moveset. One of the more engaging translations of the genre to 3D.
You can tell the developer didn't expect so many eyes on this because the protagonist has her big goat ass hanging all the way out and they had to include a toggle for pants in the options menu.
Honorable Mentions:
Shards of God: point-and-click agatha christie murder mystery set on a dune-esque desert planet. good
Orbo's Odyssey: kinetic 3d platformer. movement funny... but good?? slay 4 golden draculas
Kowloon's Curse: Lost Report: any game with an explorable desktop w/ fake sites and shit is good
Tommy Gun Witches: if you haven't seen the main promo screen for this game, there's still time for you to correct that
DOCTRINESPACE: cool twine game about a future where crypto bullshit is king, and the doctrines are hotter than ever
Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days: mostly about killing chinese police officers and any civilians foolish enough to enter your line of sight. kane and lynch are craaaaazy!
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2023 games that I would like to have played but couldn't squeeze in: Blasphemous 2, Crypt Underworld, Bahnsen Knights, Knuckle Sandwich, 24 Killers etc.
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I always love how delicately you embed lyrics into your artworks, so I would like to know 23. What are 2-3 songs that your Tav would relate to? And also 29. What advice would you give to your Tav?
THANKSSS. i'll start with the second one
Q: What advice would you give to your Tav?
on a more serious note: he really needs to learn how to be less of a hoarder lol. yeah it's very hard for someone like tavish who comes from extreme poverty but his need to constantly obtain new stuff (especially if it doesn't belong to him) and to stick with it til the faerûn's end not once and not twice had left him in very bad places
Q:
What are 2-3 songs that your Tav would relate to? (under the cut)
and thanks for this one especially! i hope i'll draw something for these songs in the future
alex g - things to do
(you are just a boy you are no man and / nobody you know will understand / welcoming you back home / the only one that you have ever known)
mellah - death, pillage, plunder
(yes i'm bleak / but did i have a chance? / born to the side of the road and / a sideways glance / heaven can wait / i'm swimming in the low/ blood on my knuckles and the wall and / tears in tow)
shoe - evie
in my mind this one's not about tavish particularly but about tav in general. tav and the tadpole/the emperor or any other force that tries to use tav for their purposes but does it weirdly... tenderly at times?? i just really adore how bg3 works with this mix of "love" and control in its antagonists from the very beginning of the game. the narrator's quotes when you meet a dying illithid ("you could end its life here and now, if only you didn't feel compassion", "it's possessing your mind, forcing you to... love it") are still stuck in my head, i just feel so many unsettling feelings because of how illithids choose to control their thralls. ordering them to empathize. like? not to just serve mindlessly, but to reciprocate something. and the whole game kind of expands on it with all the companions and their abusive experiences where they had to love their gods, makers, wardens, etc. insane. sorry for a tangent LOL, i just hear similar parasitical longing of someone who has no idea how to be close to a person without using them when i listen to this song
(hey / this place is so colourless and bottomless / it’s hills so smooth and bare / i fantasize that i might find you on the other side and / hey / i guess you might be leaving soon / the emptiness is impossibly unbearable / but it’s not so bad here / just the dust, the devil, you and me / and hey, you know, i’m sorry / just wanted to be closer to your body / been eating little pieces of your clothes i / bite into your flesh, your flesh, your flesh / i bite into your flesh, your flesh, your flesh)
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Nightshade
Chapter 21 | Chapter 23
TW: idiot fluff, I'm DRAAAAGGGGIIINNNGGGG this slowburn out til it kills us all, some heavy topics of abusers, past violence and assault, feelings of general anxiousness, as always language, mentions of drugs and drinking, a bit of Olive drama, teasing, conversations of past murder, Mav is just a whole TW in and of itself sometimes (but I love her), heavy topics, a fluffy kissing session or two, general fluff, having to work on Thanksgiving, Jennifer drama, some good ol found family content and a totally not foreboding end 🤭
Happy (late) Thanksgiving everyone! I hope y'all had an amazing day and some good food! Love y'all!
Chapter 22: Lemon Meringue
"Come out and face me, coward."
The words echoed in Anthony's mind like a discordant symphony. Howard had given the message to him all while whining and babbling like a child about the violence he'd endured. At first, Anthony had laughed. Leave it to the old drug dealer to rely on some spineless, worthless little puppet to deliver a threat. But, the longer he sat with it the more annoyed he got.
Coward. That word in particular left a foul taste in his mouth. Anthony Grosvenor was many things, but a coward? No. Absolutely not.
He'd destroyed the crystal glassware on his table, leaving glittering chunks of it scattered along his floor. With a frustrated curse in French, he slicked his hair back and straightened his tie. Stepping over the mess Tony snapped his fingers and Jules followed. "Tell the maids to clean well today. I don't want a shard left on this floor."
"Of course, Sir."
"Now, remind me of our schedule." The two moved to the kitchen, where he gathered a new glass and bottle. "Nothing for this month, Sir. But, next, we have the party and-"
He waved his hand and poured himself a glass of the fine red. "Call Howard. Tell him to hang the thing in that horrid restaurant. And cancel the party."
Jules gave him a confused look. "Are you sure? You were very clear that you-"
"I know what I wanted, but that was then. And after this… poor attempt at a threat, it's obvious we'll need to be rid of that mutt before I can do what's necessary."
"Of course, Sir. We'll do whatever you require of us."
"Good," Tony sneered, examining the wine in his glass. Jules turned to carry out his orders no doubt. "And Jules," Tony added, causing the large man to turn, revealing his scarred, half-missing ear. "I want the dog gone. For good this time."
Jules smiled, "Understood, Sir."
Tony watched the red liquid swirl in his glass, reminiscent of the coming holiday. A holiday that should have been spent with Lena at his side behaving like he'd taught her to. Instead, she'd be at that diner with those people, her so-called family.
He knew the truth of it though. He was her family. He was her everything. Lena could run and fight him for as long as she wanted, but that simple fact would never change. Anthony owned her, mind, body, and soul. She was branded by him, his adoration as well as his cruelty, and he was the only one who knew her for the monster she was. After all, he'd made her that way.
Lena would come home. Whether she came of her own volition or came dragged back by the hair she'd be at his side again. One way or another she always came back to him.
*
There was something so simple about moments of peaceful bliss. A simplicity that I knew was ever fleeting. It was a thing to be cherished, felt fully without reservation. So as the Irish folk music blared through the walls of my family's apartment I just smiled and buried my head in the crook of Jake's neck.
It had been a while since I'd woken up beside someone - or rather, a while since I'd gotten used to waking up with a particular someone. Waking up with Jake's arms around me was one of those precious moments I felt at peace. I clung to his warmth, content to lay there for the rest of the day, a feeling he seemed to share as he sleepily mumbled and pulled me closer into him.
My fingers idly traced the mermaid tail on his arm, drifting upwards to give the same attention to the words over his ribs. I smiled at the feeling of his breath shuddering beneath me, pursuing my lips to kiss the underside of his jaw. Outside my bedroom, my brothers clamored around, but I didn't mind their noise this morning, not when Jake was here.
He lifted a hand, catching the one that traced his tattoos and lacing our fingers together. "You're tickling me."
Humming softly I brushed my nose against his ear before tugging on it with my teeth. "Good morning."
"Mmmm," he groaned, turning and trapping me beneath him. Jake's lips sloppily pressed to my head, my cheeks, and my jaw before he finally cupped my face and pressed his lips to mine. The soft tired kiss left me feeling breathless as he lifted his head and smiled down at me. "Morning."
There was an odd and overwhelming feeling of intimacy and vulnerability that filled my chest with the burning longing to stay in this bed with Jake forever. Safe, tucked away in a tiny corner of the world where I knew nothing could hurt me. While I'd come to accept my deep feelings for the bartender, the thought of having to voice such things made my tongue feel like iron in my mouth. It should be easy, I told myself as I looked up into Jake's pretty eyes. Should be… But wasn't.
A pang of guilt and shame and white-hot anger made my lungs burn as I reminded myself why it wasn't easy. Why I was so afraid to just admit to the man sharing my bed that I liked him - adored him - and wanted to at least try to be something more? Tony had ruined such simplicity for me. He'd all but destroyed the very possibility of me having the courage to tell anyone in my life that I loved them, especially in a romantic sense. It'd fucked up a lot of things early on and had been a large factor as to why I only had casual flings and not full-fledged relationships. Sam was the first one who had gotten close to anything real.
"Why can't you just love me back?"
"It's not that simple, Sammy."
"Yes, it is. You either love me or you don't, Lena."
"Then I guess I don't."
My jaw clenched as I shoved it all back inside the overflowing box inside. I smiled at Jake, caressed his face, and breathed in his smell. I'm here. I'm safe. "So," I started with an awkward laugh. "Seems like we've got a lot to talk about."
He flopped onto his side with a smile. "Yeah, the rainchecks are starting to build up."
"They are," I agreed softly.
Jake looked at me for a minute, those eyes taking in my face with a tired sparkle of wonder and something more. He smiled, moving to sit up and stretch. "Come on, I owe you some shitty eggs."
I followed his lead, quietly tossing his pants to him, happy that he didn't seem interested in pushing what was left unsaid between us until we both popped. In the living room, my brothers tied their shoes and quietly talked amongst themselves before they smirked up at us. "Mornin."
"Hey," I greeted, rubbing the rest of the sleep from my eyes. "We were just about to make breakfast."
Patrick kissed my head as Peter finished tying his shoes. "No breakfast today."
"What?"
"We're taking the boy on a jog," he replied, slapping Jake on the shoulder.
The still-tired bartender made a face. "The fuck did I do to deserve that?"
My brothers howled with laughter. Peter stood up and kissed my cheek. "You stuck around, of course!"
Patrick ruffled Jake's messy hair. "Hurry downstairs and get changed, little brother. We're taking the scenic route today!"
Biting back a laugh I smugly grinned at him. "That means they're taking you the long way."
"Shut up," he huffed. "Horrible. All of you."
"Have fun!" I yelled after them, earning a middle finger from them all as they closed the door behind them.
Isaac emerged from Peter's room with a shy smile. He gestured toward the door. “Quinn and I are getting breakfast. You wanna come?”
"Sure curly," I replied, ruffling his hair.
I dressed in warm, casual clothes and linked arms with my brother's boyfriend as we walked along the busy sidewalk towards the only other diner in town Quinn would eat at. Isaac was thankfully back to his bright, cheery self. I'd missed his laughter and his exaggerated stories. Though his face still held the faint marks his monster left his heart hadn't been marred. Isaac remained the man he always was, kind and thoughtful and funny and I was grateful for it.
Lifting a finger to his cheek I prodded one of the faint marks. “Your face looks better than it did a few weeks ago.”
He sweetly smiled, scratched his head, and shrugged. “Guess I get to keep my status as prettiest cook at 22West.”
“Guess so,” I laughed. “Careful though, Santos is awfully pretty. I'd hate for you to lose your title.”
The two of us continued to tease each other as we sat down in the old booth and looked at the menus. Isaac looked around with furrowed brows. “Quinn must be running late.”
I hummed, following his lead and looking around the diner. “Maybe she overslept.”
Isaac nodded, but a look of uncertainty remained in his eyes. “Maybe.”
“Hey, she’s alright.”
“Yeah,” he agreed, staring down at the table.
“How are you doing?” I asked, reaching over to take hold of his hand. “It’s been a minute since I asked.”
With that blinding smile of his, Isaac replied, “I’m doing good. Better than I have been in a while, but there’s still those days ya know?”
“I know.”
Squeezing my hand he drew in a deep breath. “Thank you, for everything you’ve done for me, Lena.”
“That’s what friends are for.” I smiled. “Besides, what kind of sister would I be if I let my brother's boyfriend suffer?”
The diner bell chimed as Quinn hurried through and wordlessly found our table. As she sat down, shedding her jacket and throwing it into the booth beside me I could see the tenseness in her shoulders and the set look on her face that she always got when some shit went down. “Sorry, I’m late.”
Isaac waved her off. “No worries. We ordered your usual for you.”
“Thanks.”
Conversation flowed as usual between Isaac and me, but Quinn seemed far away only joining us in speaking when we addressed her. When the curly-haired man excused himself to the bathroom I nudged her shoulder. “You okay?”
She blinked a few times, clearly being pulled from whatever thoughts were on her mind. “Yeah, I’m good.”
“Quinn.”
“I’m fine,” she replied. “It’s just… been a long morning.”
“Did something happen with you and Ari?”
Shaking her head she scoffed. “Course not. We’re solid.”
I tilted my head and forced her to hold my eyes. “Spill it, Q.”
“Lee, it’s seriously nothing.” She took a drink. “I’m a big girl, I’ve got it under control.”
“Fine,” I relented as the server came with our food. “Just remember if you need anything we’re here for you.”
“I know.”
*
Exercise wasn't anything new to Jake, especially not after the months of training with Patrick, but this was just torture. They jogged through the city streets for what felt like hours. Block after block the Harrow brothers just kept jogging. They made small talk here and there, but mostly just laughed at his struggle to keep the pace they'd set. So, when Nana's diner came into view Jake almost cried.
The three of them hurried through the door. Patrick patted Jake's back as he bent over gasping for air. "Don't pass out on us now, little brother."
"You two are sadists," he heaved in reply.
Peter waved down Nana as she emerged from behind the counter. "Can we get some water, Nana?"
She laughed and hurried off to get it for them as they moved through the diner toward the back booth. Jake's fatigue and slightly poor attitude faded at the sight of Dom already waiting. Seemed like the conversation that was promised wasn't gonna wait.
They sat in silence, everything fading until all that remained was the topic none of them wanted to bring up. Dom spoke first, "How is she this morning?"
"She seems alright," Peter answered.
"So, you decided not to tell her?" Dom continued.
Jake swallowed a lump in his throat and nodded. "I don't want to lie to her but this… She should be the one to choose when she wants to talk about it."
The drug dealer nodded in approval. "Smart boy." He set his hands on the table with a sigh. "You have questions though."
"Don't we all?" Patrick sneered.
Peter jabbed him. "Don't start this again Pat."
"I just don't see why Dom's so keen on keeping us in the dark."
Jake turned to look at them, confused as to what they meant. "I made her a promise. One I ain't gonna break just cause you want me to."
Patrick sat back, the four of them going quiet as Nana approached. "Oh, my strong boys!" She pinched his cheek and smiled at everyone. "It is early today, I hope you're here because you are hungry."
"We're starving," Peter assured her.
"Good!" She clapped. "I make all your favorites!"
They watched her leave and when she disappeared Dom settled back and gestured to Jake. "Alright, tough guy, ask me."
Ask me. It sounded so simple, but this… It wasn't simple. Every question he had hung on the tip of his tongue. Who is he? How long did she have to go through that? How old was she? So many questions… But the one that came out first was this: "Why didn't you help her?"
Dom's jaw clenched and for a minute Jake thought he'd just fucked everything up. He expected Dom to hit him, to reach out and grab him, but he didn't. Dom just held his gaze and answered, "I didn't know how bad it was. Not til she told me. I…" He sighed, turning to look out the window for a moment. "I should have known. I should have done something sooner and that's something I'll have to live with."
Patrick bumped his shoulder as if to shake him from the startled punch-ready state. "Relax, little brother. We all asked that question first."
"Dom's heard it a lot by now," Peter added.
"Who knows?"
That seemed to make Patrick a bit angry. "You'll have to be more specific." His eyes drifted to Dom. "The question you ought to ask is who knows what?"
"Isaac and Prue know the least." Dom held Pat's glare. "They know the name and a very very vague summary of what went down. Peter, Patrick, and Oz know a bit more than that. Names, locations, durations, and a few other things she chose to share. Nana and Quinn know just a bit more than them, not a lot but enough."
Jake somehow felt more confused. How could they all know such varying degrees of the same information? "And you?"
Patrick scoffed. "Dom knows all of it. Every name, location, duration, and god damn detail."
Dom's eyes filled with guilt for a moment, but it faded quickly. "I know what she told me."
"And she just happened to tell you all of it."
"Patrick," Peter warned. "We're all on the same side here."
"Same side my ass." He shook his head. "I deserve to know what that motherfucker did to my sister so I can pay it forward whenever he slinks back to town."
Peter just sighed, looking tired. "Not even Dad knew all of it, Pat. She obviously doesn't want us to know."
Jake stared at his now half-empty glass of water, only half listening to the others as they quietly argued for a moment. He wanted to know everything and at the same time, he wanted to know nothing at all. "What's his name?"
Dom's head tilted slightly, a look of pride… Respect calming his features. "Anthony. But the fucker likes to be called Tony."
Anthony. He repeated the name about fifty times before his mouth opened again. "How long?"
"Three years."
Three years. In any other circumstance, he'd consider it a short amount of time. Three years of torture though… That was different, longer. "And were those three years filled with… That?"
Dom looked down. "That and worse."
Worse? Jake almost scoffed. What could possibly be worse than that? He would have asked, but the look in the eyes of Lena's brothers and Dom told him he probably didn't want to know… And that they likely wouldn't have told him even if he did. Anger replaced his curiosity. "Where is he now?"
"Around."
Patrick slammed his hand onto the table. "Dom I swear to god–"
"I'm taking care of it."
"That's what you always say," he argued. "And yet every time he comes back. So, enlighten us, how the fuck are you handling this?"
Peter, the logical and cool-headed older brother, seemed just as angry now. "I don't want a repeat of what happened after Dad died, Dom."
The drug dealer nodded, guilt once again making his lips cast downward. "It won't come to that."
"How do you know?" Peter wasn't giving up.
"That was different. He had leverage-"
"He always has leverage," Peter argued.
Patrick shook his head. "What I'm hearing is you don't have a goddamn clue what you're doing."
Dom's glare was deadly as he pointed to Patrick. "You don't know what you're talking about."
Jake decided to speak up and hopefully avoid a fight breaking out between the two. "Does he pop up often?"
"No," Peter answered while the other two continued their stare-down. "He left her alone for a few years after she got out for good. But, once our dad died he started showing up, causing trouble, and trying to get her to go back with him."
"That's underselling it a bit," Patrick scoffed. "Son of a bitch tries kidnapping her, threatening everyone she cares about, making her relapse. Fucker shot me the last time he came round."
Jake raised his brows in disbelief, staring at the redhead as he touched his arm. Peter rolled his eyes. "The bullet barely touched you."
"Still fuckin' stung."
Dom shook his head and continued. "I'm handling it. You morons just need to keep her out of it. Keep her happy."
Peter chuckled a bit. "Pretty tall order."
Patrick joined in. "She's a tough one to keep happy."
"Seems pretty easy to me," Jake said with a smug grin.
"Disgusting!" Peter hollered, glancing his way with a pointed look. "That's my sister."
Nana set the plates down in front of them with a smile. "It is so good to see my boys laughing together!" She stroked his hair lovingly and did the same to Dom's shoulder. "Let me know if you need anything else."
As Jake sat with the Harrow boys and the drug dealer inhaling their food, he felt a weight lift off his chest. Whatever guilt he felt slowly eased with the knowledge that he wasn't alone in this messy situation. He had the others to help keep him on the right track with Lena.
Maybe, just maybe he had a chance at doing whatever this was right. Maybe this time he wouldn't fuck it up.
*
Simone walked with her head high, taking in the lovely color of the leaves and enjoying the chilled breeze as she moved through the crowds of people. She wasn't a fan of the cold, but some days it had a usefulness in distracting her. No amount of cold, however, could distract her from the fast-approaching holiday.
Thanksgiving, a time of family and joy and food and laughter. A time to keep up appearances and keep people in line so as not to overstep or overreach. Simone hated Thanksgiving, as she did most holidays because it forced her to sit at a table with her parents and pretend there wasn't unspoken animosity between them.
Her father was a drunk, not a violent one, but an absent one. He used holidays to fuel his addiction and spout off whatever nonsense his mind was filled with that particular holiday. It ruined the mood for everyone quickly. Her mother was timid and unimaginative. She married the first man that offered her the security she sought. She took no risks, had no adventures, and was - at least in Simone's mind - useless outside the role of wife. Her mother had settled and in turn, she'd inadvertently ruined Simone's one chance at happiness with Etienne.
In just a few days she'd pack a bag and drive to Cape Cod to endure the family dinner. It wouldn't be too bad, she reminded herself. Jake will certainly take some of the edge off. He was always in such a sour mood about going back home. Childishly he'd whine about not wanting to go - a few times he'd even tell her he wasn't going - but he'd always be there in the morning with his bags.
It was annoying in the way most repetitive things were, but if Simone was truly honest she enjoyed the back and forth. She enjoyed watching Jake fight and struggle against it only to give in to her. The sex was another plus. She'd sneak into his room once her parents had gone to bed and they'd share in a night of passion where his loyalty and love were confirmed as hers and hers alone. It reminded her of when they were younger, of the first times she'd gone to his room.
As she neared Jake's apartment she was bitterly reminded of their last trip to the Cape and how unfulfilled she was left. It still filled her with rage when she remembered the sight of that red-haired felon sitting across from Jake in that diner or when she'd had the nerve to share a cigarette with him and give her that look through the window. Hopefully, she didn't have to worry about that this time.
It wasn't hard to rattle the girl given her obvious insecurities where intimate relationships were involved. Implying her little get-together with Jake was more than just a simple meeting between friends had sent her into an obvious spiral of anxiety. She smiled to herself at the memory of her pretty little face losing its smile and adopting a wide-eyed look of terror. Simone had just been lucky enough to hear about their plans through a well-timed trip to the locker room. Ari's new fling was too loud for her own good when she'd called to spread the gossip of Jake and Lena's plans to her lover.
Simone opened Jake's apartment door without knocking, not caring if she caught him in the throws of passion with some girl or not. She didn't expect to find his apartment empty. Jake was a boy of habit. He slept in till noon and left his apartment a mess, yet his bed was neatly made and his place was tidy. She hummed curiously as she leafed through his mail and moved through his space in search of anything out of place.
A hiss drew her eyes to the floor where a hideous cat peeked out from behind his counter. "Why hello there," she cooed to the cat. "What are you doing here?"
The black, hairless thing lifted its body and hissed. Simone chuckled, Seems he finally found something as grumpy as him. She bent down and reached out toward it, earning a quick scratch to the back of her hand and another louder hiss before the creature scurried beneath Jake's bed. Its eyes glowed in the darkness as it watched her with discontent.
She examined the small cut with a scoff. "Unruly thing."
Simone picked Jake's discarded clothes up off the floor, taking them into the bathroom to place them in his hamper. A shirt sat on his counter, neatly folded beside a shopping bag. The lingerie inside made her frown with disappointment. Of course, he's wasting his money on little gifts for her. She huffed, looking at his shelves and tapping her fingers on his camera as she held it in her hands and turned it on to leaf through whatever little sights Jake had deemed important enough to dust off his useless little camera.
Her frown grew, and the sliver of assured importance in the bartender's life turned to a fire of bitter anger. Simone swallowed it, grabbed the shirt, and left the apartment, storing that anger hoping it'd prove useful to her - more useful than it had the last time.
*
Jake moved, weaving and dodging, stepping and striking like all of it was second nature - something he'd been doing his whole life. As I watched from the front counter I couldn't help but admire the beauty of him. His toned muscles glistened with sweat, flexing and relaxing in intervals. His messy hair was haphazardly slicked back but those stubborn strands still fell beautifully out of place around his face. The focus in his eyes, the pure confidence and determination they held… It was mesmerizing.
It felt like he'd been dancing in the ring with Zeke for hours, but realistically it'd only taken him four hits to win the practice match. Once Patrick declared the win Jake's demeanor relaxed and he quickly checked up on Zeke, who complimented his powerful strikes. Patrick stood next to him, giving him praise and pointers, but Jake's eyes drifted to me. That smirk and a wink was all it took to turn me into a blushing mess, one Peter saw.
My brother wiggled his eyebrows. "Not a word or I'll start talking about you and your boyfriend."
He held his hands up. "I was just gonna say you look good today."
"Sure you were." Glancing at the clock I turned toward the ring. "Hey, Tough Guy! Hit the showers or we're gonna be late!"
Rolling his eyes he caught the water bottle Pat tossed him and headed towards the locker room. Patrick hopped down and stood on the opposite side of the front counter, sipping his own water. He and Peter shared a look. "So…"
Pat swallowed. "You and the boy… What's going on there?"
"What do you mean?"
"Are you two official yet?" Peter clarified.
The nervous tension swelled in my gut again as I shrugged them off and moved to head up the stairs and get ready myself. "Gonna just ignore us?"
"Yep!" I answered.
In the quiet safety of my bedroom, I didn't let myself sit with the question. Nor did I let the answer sink in. Jake was Jake. I was me. That was it, that was all. Unpacking how badly I wanted it to be me and Jake or Jake and I… Well, that would just ruin it. I didn't want to lose what we'd spent all this time building. I didn't want to fuck it up.
Downstairs Jake was waiting for me by the door, dressed in his casual clothes and ready for the walk to work. We both ignored my brothers as they gushed over us and we walked together as if nothing had changed. But, we both felt it. We both knew the truth.
Everything had changed.
*
The second Jake walked through the kitchen door he was met with pure chaos. The kitchen was in disorderly work while the servers were sprinting around. Beside him, Lena whistled. "What the fuck?"
Scott's head shot up. "Finally! Get changed, we need all hands on deck, Red!"
"What's going on?"
"Howard's gone," Scott replied. "Just texted Will and I that he's taking some time off."
Jake hid his smirk, trying to picture just how fucked Howard's face looked after the beating he took. Serves him right. Lena sighed and scratched her head. "Fuck. Okay. I'll be right down."
“Sounds like tonight's gonna be great,” he said with a grin. Lena shot him a glance, a small smirk on her lips. “No Howard up everyone's ass.”
“And a dining room full of whiny guests and no manager. What could possibly go wrong?”
He shrugged off his jacket as they neared the top of the steps. “I thought you'd have more faith in Will's managerial skills.”
As if on cue the suited man bolted from the locker room, face tight with anxiety as he practically threw himself down the steps with a rushed, “Excuse me!”
Lena watched him go and sighed again. “Yep, we're fucked.”
Nudging her shoulder Jake kept walking. “Have some faith. He'll figure it out.”
“Never thought I'd hear you of all people chime in for Will.”
“Shut up.”
Their soft laughter died the second they walked through the locker room door. Simone stood, buttoning up her shirt and staring at them with hardened eyes and a stiff smile. Jake knew that look, that judgmental way she regarded him, and given what she'd said to Lena they were overdue for another one of those conversations he hated so much. Lena spoke first, “Good morning.”
Simone chuckled. “Good is hardly the word I'd use to describe the start of this day.”
“Howards gone,” Jake said. “I'd call that a pretty good start.”
She ignored his comment entirely and smoothed her fingers over the bandage on her hand. “I stopped by your apartment and met that unruly creature you've taken in.”
Quietly cursing himself Jake nodded, opening the locker and putting his jacket inside. “It takes him a little time to warm up to people.”
“It scratched me,” Simone said harshly. “Leave it for you to find an animal with just as sour a mood as you.” Checking her lipstick in the mirror she continued. “I won't be taking care of it when you get bored.”
“I don't expect you to take care of him,” Jake answered, rolling his eyes. “We both know you hate animals.”
Lena closed her locker door and quickly buttoned her cooking coat, clearly in a hurry to vacate the tense atmosphere that hovered around him and Simone. Turning to leave she stopped at the sound of Someone's voice, “Lena.” Simone reached into her locker and grabbed a neatly folded shirt from one of the shelves. With a step forward she smiled and held it out to her. “I believe this is yours. I took the liberty of washing it for you.”
God dammit. He resisted the urge to throw his head back into his locker as he watched Lena offer up a clearly strained smile as she took the shirt. “Thanks.” She handed it to him. “Put that in your locker for me?”
“Sure,” he answered.
“See you after service,” she said with a tiny hint of a real smile - a reassurance that Simone's overstepping gesture hadn't deterred her from whatever this was.
The quiet that settled after her steps faded from the stairwell was short-lived as Simone turned to him, smug and rageful all at once. “Well, how was she?”
Wincing he turned to her, holding up the shirt. “Why are you going through my things?”
"I was just tidying up," she replied with a soft laugh. "We both know what a slob you can be." Her eyes drifted to his locker as he placed Lena's shirt on a shelf. “The shirt was on your counter. I assumed it was hers and figured she'd want it back instead of it going to your trophy box.”
Jake had been angry with Simone many times over the years. The two of them had many ups and downs, but once the dust settled they always found a way to get through whatever it was creating a rift between them. His anger wasn't new, but the tiny sliver of restlessness was. Jake had been angry with Simone before, but never had he felt even a hint of wanting their strange dance to end. Until now.
With a sigh, Jake closed his locker and looked at her. “What did you say to Lena?”
“What-”
“You know what I'm talking about,” he cut off with a firm voice.
Simones's lips pursed, displeased at his tone. “I was just making small talk, Jake. Trying to get along like you wanted.”
“You insinuated our plans were a date to try and freak her out.” Shaking his head he let his anger simmer. “Look, I know it's been hard for you with Lena, but that doesn't mean you can't just be civil. If that's not something you wanna do, fine, then just do what you normally do with girls I start seeing and stay out of it. It's none of your business anyway.”
Finally, the blonde woman laughed. “You are my business. Or have you forgotten all that we went through?”
Jake shook his head. “That’s not fair.”
“I expect you to be selfish and angry Jake, that's who you are. And never once have I asked you to change. Yet here you are, asking me to stop taking care of you as it’s not who I am!” She huffed out a breath and glared at him. “I have sacrificed time and time again for you. You…” Tears built in her eyes. “You're all I have.”
“Simone-”
She held up her hand and placed it on his chest. “I'm sorry if I've caused issues in your personal life, Jake. I am. But, I will never stop looking out for you.”
“I'm not asking you to, I just… Cut Lena some slack. She's not Tess.”
Reluctantly, Simone nodded. The tears in her eyes vanished as she smiled at him. “Alright. If it's that important to you, fine. But, you… You'll still tell me if anything changes between you two, right?”
Jake nodded, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. “You know I will.”
“Good.” Simone turned, moving to join the chaos outside the locker room. "Oh," she suddenly said, pausing in the doorway. "I spoke to Howard about us taking Thanksgiving off to go home before this little disappearance of his."
Jake's smile fell and his jaw clenched painfully. "I don't-"
Simone sighed, biting back a bitter laugh. "You don't want to go. I know. Please, save me the speech."
“I’m not-”
"You're coming," she interrupted. As always in her mind this was not some request that he could just say no to, not some event he could skip. This was a command, the command that she always gave him and that he always followed. Her eyes softened again. "Please, no more fighting. I need you."
He turned away from her to the mirror to mess with his tie. "Fine, whatever."
"I'll text you later to remind you to pack."
*
The kitchen was a mad dash of bodies in the throws of preparation. The sounds of unsynchronised knives chopping and four conversations being loudly spoken over each other filled my ears as I tried to help in any way I could. Isaac gave me a wide-eyed look as he lifted a finger to slice across his neck in an unspoken “we're fucked” motion. I rolled my eyes at him and turned to help Scott with the sauces.
“Leave it to Howard to fuck us right before the holiday.” Angrily shaking his head and throwing his tasting spoon on the washing bin Scott wiped the sweat from his brows. “Thanks-fucking-giving of all ones.”
“We've got this, Chef,” I assured him. “Preps almost done and we're fully stocked on all the shit we need.”
Nodding his eyes drifted to Will as he slammed through the door, paced for a moment, and then returned to the lobby. “It’s not the kitchen I'm worried about, Red.”
Patting his shoulder I moved around the tables. “I'll go talk to him.”
Scott chuckled or scoffed. “Good luck!”
Will stood next to the hostess station, flipping through the guestbook and mumbling reminders to himself. Jake watched with a very noticeable grin as he prepped the bar. Though outwardly he appeared happy, there was a tenseness in his posture that made me wonder what was really on his mind. The list of possible irritants had grown large over the past few weeks. Still, I chose to lean into the more mirthful side of him. I shot him a look, leaning over to snag his rag. “Be nice!”
“I'm smiling,” he replied with an even wider grin. “That not nice enough for you?”
“You're smiling at someone else's expense.”
Pursing his lips to hide the smile Jake nodded. “No smiling. Got it.”
I tucked the rag into my pocket and rolled my eyes. “Ass.”
“Move Mr and Mrs Wilson to table ten and then move Mr. Kepner and his colleagues to table six,” Will hastily instructed the new hostess who stood beside him practically shaking as she made the notes in the guestbook.
“Will,” I called out, causing him to whip around with the gaze of a madman.
“What’s the problem?”
I set a hand on his arm and offered up a calming smile. “No problem, I just wanted to check up on you.”
He sighed, running a hand down his face. “Sorry, I’m a mess. It’s just with Howard not here everything’s on me and I… I’m still technically in training. I’m not ready to run this place on my own!”
“Breathe,” I instructed. “You’ve got this, Will. Just treat it like any other night. Schmooze the guests, check in on everyone, and help the hostess if we get busy.”
“What if-”
“No, what if’s,” I insisted, straightening his tie. “You’ve got this.”
With a shaky breath, he nodded with me. “I’ve got this.”
I smiled, “Good. Now get to family meal and give us a good pep talk.”
“I can do that,” he whispered. “Yeah, okay, I can do that.”
The table was rowdy and filled with practically every server using the time to grill Will about the specifics of Howard’s sudden disappearance. Sasha filled his mouth with food and loudly proclaimed, “It’s probably syphilis.”
Heather’s face scrunched up as she turned to Sasha. “Howard doesn’t have syphilis.”
“How do you know?” The Russian taunted.
Ari rolled her eyes. “He’s obviously ditching for the holiday.”
“Howard wouldn’t do that,” Heather defended again.
“He can’t hear you.”
“I know that.”
Sasha swallowed a gulp of wine and smirked. “He’s not going to fuck you either.”
Will finally cut through the noise with a loud clearing of his throat followed by a deep, commanding tone that made Sasha’s eyebrows shoot up. “It doesn’t matter why he’s gone. It changes nothing about our jobs. So, tonight goes like normal alright everyone?”
Sasha quickly saluted. “Aye, aye, Captain Will!”
“You should talk like this all the time,” Ari purred. “It makes you sound so sexy!”
It was going to be a long night.
*
Why am I still bothering with this place? Olivia asked herself as she stood next to the bar and watched the dining room full of people. At first, it’d been a request Jennifer Glover had made to check in on her estranged daughter and it’d been something Olivia had been more than happy to do for her employer. She would do anything for Jennifer. But, then she’d gotten here and actually met this “golden child”, Lena, and her motivations shifted.
It was no secret that Olivia had the desire to win the Glover seal of approval - to prove that she was so much more than just another employee. So, it came as little surprise to her when she’d found herself working closely with Simone to try and expose Lena for what she truly was. Ungrateful. Disrespectful. Unworthy of her mother's love. It started small, too small. She’d wasted so much of her time following Simone’s advice at seducing Jake - a tactic that proved less fruitful and more hurtful than she’d expected. A shove down the stairs and some red hair dye later, though, Olivia had moved on to a more effective tactic.
“Olive,” Jake said. “More whisky.”
She acted like she didn’t hear him, continuing to stand beside the bar and look as bored as she could until Nicky repeated the request. Ignoring them seemed to do more than any of her other attempts. It slowed down service and annoyed them so she considered it a win. As she made her way to the wine cellar she caught Simone’s stare. After the glass incident, they’d stopped speaking. Simone was of the mind that she’d gone too far and was being reckless, but in Olivia’s opinion, Simone lacked the conviction to do what had to be done to see results. That was why she’d been so unsuccessful at severing the bond Lena had crafted with the bartender. And it would be the reason she remained unsuccessful.
In just an hour and a half Olive had managed to drop every plate she touched and slow service down enough that Will finally cut her. As she changed her phone chimed. Wonderful work tonight, dear. You’ll have that rebellious girl of mine fired before the months up.
That’s why, She told herself with a smile. Jennifer needed her help and so, Olivia would suffer the dull and tedious work. She’d sacrifice her nights and whatever public opinion the workers would form and she’d do it all with a smile. For Jennifer. And for Anthony.
*
“Holy fuck,” Scott sighed stretching out his neck. “That was fucking horrible.”
I watched Santos finish sweeping up the last of the shattered plates and ruined food. “Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever had to refire seven entrees at once before.”
Scoffing he tossed a rag onto the table. “Stupid bitch was relentless tonight.”
“Well, at least it’s over now.”
“Til tomorrow.” The whole kitchen groaned. “Thanksgiving sucks ass.”
Isaac quickly chimed in, “No, no, no! Working on Thanksgiving sucks ass!”
Rags flew through the air as the whole kitchen booed him up the stairs. I followed the rowdy kitchen crew to the locker room and changed as the servers quickly joined us with equal complaints about their last tables. Jake followed soon after with Simone, the sliver of tenseness I’d noticed earlier now far more prominent not just in his posture but also in his face. Closing my locker, I chose to follow the majority of the cooks downstairs rather than wait for Simone to vacate his side. If he wanted to talk to me about it, he would later.
Nicky made my drink and slid it towards me, waiting until Jake returned from changing to go upstairs to change himself. Simone sat down by the edge of the bar, watching Jake pour her a glass of wine with a pleased smile and a quiet thanks. She sent me a chilled smile as she lifted the glass to her nose to inhale the scent. Whatever had Jake stressed had something to do with her, and that simple fact made my chest burn.
“Great service tonight you guys,” Will announced with a relieved smile.
Scott took a long drag of his cigarette. “Yeah, the seven refires was real fun.”
Will rolled his eyes. “Seriously guys, if we can just get through to tomorrow then we’ll be set until Howard gets back.”
Sasha raised his glass with a playful smirk. “Cheers to the ever-inspiring words of encouragement from our sweet Will! This will certainly be more than enough to get us through the coming hellish turkey day!”
"Speaking of the holiday," I started after the cheering and laughter had died down, "What are all of you guys doing?"
Heather blew out a puff of smoke. "I'm going to visit my family."
Scott nodded. "Same."
Nicky grinned, "I get to have dinner with the inlaws!" Oohs and ahhs echoed through the group. "Thrilling, I know."
"I am going to spend the night in my apartment, masturbating!" Sasha proclaimed with a wicked but sad grin.
Ari just rolled her eyes, but she eventually smiled. "I have a date with my crazy hot girlfriend."
"Nana's?" I asked.
"Yeah. Are you going too?"
I nodded, sliding my empty glass to Jake. "Oh, everyone is. It's Nana's favorite holiday. She loves getting the whole family together for dinner."
Turning my head and opening my mouth to give Jake an official invite to my family's celebration, I wasn't able to make a sound before Simone cut in. "Jake and I are spending the holiday in Cape Cod with my family."
Anyone looking at Jake could see the sheer dread that followed the statement, but only I could see just how deep it went. His jaw clenched painfully tight, and the steady movements of his hands faltered. Those mischievous blue eyes filled with despair, anger, and fear in seconds. He didn't want to go. He really didn't want to fucking go. But he would because of Simone.
My anger burned hotter in my chest as I forced myself to smile and nod. "Well anyone that wants to come to Nana's is more than welcome to! She always has plenty of food."
The conversation progressed as it usually did, Sasha teased, Ari laughed, Heather flirted with the cook she was casually seeing and all seemed well. Simone set her glass on the bartop and put her coat on. “Goodnight everyone. Jake, try not to be late tomorrow and please pack this time.”
“Yeah, whatever,” he replied flippantly, not even turning to look at her.
She smiled again, disgustingly pleased at his defeated tone. Fucking bitch. As her dumb blonde head vanished out the door I shifted my focus back to the tight-faced bartender who avoided eye contact with everyone around him, me included. All my lingering thoughts and anxieties about the conversations we still needed to have and the things that had clearly changed between us faded away. Now all that mattered was finding a way to help him.
Scott slid his glass towards Jake. “We’re going for food, you in?”
“Sure,” he replied, turning to leave. “You guys go ahead. I’ve gotta grab my jacket.”
Ari rubbed my back. “Coming, Tiger?”
I stood up, following after Jake. “Yeah, I’ll meet you guys there.”
“Of course, they need a quick fuck to work up their appetites,” Sasha teased, effectively dodging Heather’s slap. “What? We’re all thinking it?”
Upstairs Jake stared into his locker, holding his jacket in a tight grip, his back heaving up and down. It’d been a long time since I’d seen him like this. How dare she put him through this. “So…” I carefully broached. “You're going to The Cape?”
Jake sighed, restless and angry as he shoved his arms into the sleeves. “Looks that way.”
“Fuck The Cape.” I set a hand on his arm, luring his eyes to mine. “Fuck all of it unless it's what you want.”
“Simone-”
Fuck her too, I almost said. “Isn't you. What do you want?”
His jaw clenched as he shook his head and stretched his neck in that nervous way he did. “I… I don't know.”
Tugging on his arm I nodded to the door. “Come on.”
“I’m not hungry,” Jake sighed, still following me anyway.
“We’re not going to eat.”
“Then where are we-”
“No more questions,” I replied, pulling him out into the cold. “Just trust me.”
We walked in silence most of the way to the theater, but the second Jake saw the lights and the movie posters he seemed to stop resisting so much. As I looked up at him the weight in his eyes and shoulders seemed to lax. “What are we seeing?”
I shrugged, “No clue.”
The only two tickets they had left were for another horror movie, which I’d quickly declined, and some new romantic comedy that didn’t sound like something either of us would particularly enjoy. Jake didn’t seem to care though, and I assumed it was something that really didn’t matter to him. A distraction was a distraction, and that’s all he wanted right now. So, I grabbed the popcorn, he grabbed the drinks and we both found seats in the surprisingly full theater. It wasn’t quite the same as last time. Jake’s tension proved to be more difficult to ease than mine had, but I reached over and took hold of his hand and he accepted the small gesture. Squeezing my hand in his as he watched the screen in front of us with mild interest, I knew he was grateful for my small attempt to take his mind off Simone and The Cape and Thanksgiving and everything his mind refused to let him forget.
After the movie had ended, we lingered in the alley next to the theater, sharing a cigarette. Fuck The Cape, I wanted to remind him again. Fuck that place that made us so miserable, I wanted to scream at him. Stay. Instead of pressuring him even more to defy the will of Simone I simply asked, “Did that help at all?”
“Kinda,” he replied. “This is just… complicated.”
“I understand.” Leaning back against the wall beside him I sighed, “Do you know what you’re gonna do yet?”
He shook his head. “No.”
I set my head against his arm. “No one’s going to blame you for going home, Jake.”
"Home is the past," he said, voice soft. He was angry and bitter as he stared ahead at the alley wall opposite us, but this tone was something new. Something that sounded like the voice of a lost boy, one desperate to break away from all that had hurt him while also trying not to disappoint those he'd deemed important.
Lifting my head I touched his cheek, gently letting my fingers smooth over his skin. "Home might be the past, but you can't run from that. You can't go back and change how things were. Ignore it... Try to forget it… It's only going to come back stronger, angrier." His eyes softened as he looked at me. "Home is the past, but it's a past you'll need to face eventually." I sighed. "One we'll both have to face.”
Jake turned, looking down at me with a newfound brightness in his eyes. He breathed the last of the smoke out of his lungs and tossed the cigarette butt to the ground, crushing it beneath his foot. “Let’s go get drunk.”
“Yeah?” I asked, smiling at him. “You think that’ll help?”
“Can’t hurt to try,” he said, bumping into me. “Besides, I kinda want you to be all over me again.”
Rolling my eyes I pressed myself into his body, a light, teasing laugh bubbling up out of my chest. “Like this?”
He hummed, hands sliding up my back and squeezing my sides. “Yeah, like that.”
“Come on then,” I urged, leaning away from him. “Let’s go get hammered.”
Jake's fingers laced between mine, the warmth of his palm filling my own as we walked hand in hand toward Ozzy's. To the passersby, we probably looked like just another dumb-in-love couple and I was okay with that. I was happy with the thought and hopeful that it meant there was a chance for this… for us.
The group was already gathered around the bar when we arrived. As we got closer a familiar head of blonde hair and plain clothes that hid a well-toned body appeared in the center of our friends. Sam made jokes that everyone laughed at, showing off the charming personality that made everyone around him fall head over heels.
Quinn, who was already plastered, spotted us and quickly waved. “Look who decided to show up!”
Sam spread his arms out and smiled sheepishly. "You said you'd buy me a drink if I ditched the uniform."
"I did," I replied, moving from Jake's side to slide behind the bar. "What'll it be, just Sam?"
“Just beer,” he answered.
Chuckling at the memories of the way his face always scrunched up in disgust at every other drink he tried, I grabbed him a bottle. “Shoulda known. You never did enjoy anything else.”
Sam sat down across from me and shrugged. “Not for lack of trying. I think you made me every drink you knew.”
“Course she did,” Quinn said with a grin. “She liiikkkeeedd you!”
We both rolled our eyes at her, Sam’s face a little more red than before as he quietly sipped his beer. I lifted my head and found Jake standing a few feet away from the bar, the relaxation and playfulness I’d managed to pull out of him gone as he glared at the back of Sam’s head. With an easy smile, one meant to hopefully bring back what we’d spend hours in a shitty movie trying to reach, I nodded him over. “What’s your drink tonight, tough guy? I believe you were wanting to get wasted.”
He finally moved, standing at least a seat away from Sam and leaning against the bar. “Dealer’s choice.”
“Dangerous game,” I cautioned. “Giving a delinquent like me free reign over your drink.”
The smile was microscopic, but I still saw it. “I live for the thrill.”
“Alright, one mystery drink coming up.”
Quinn had slid between the dark-haired bartender and the light-haired cop, an evil grin plastered to her face as she regarded them both. “So, how’s life been treating you, Sam?”
Sam gulped. “Can’t complain.”
“I mean you could,” she urged. “I won’t tell a soul that the golden boy had a few tiffs with life.”
“I’m good, Quinny,” he insisted. “But thanks for asking.”
She turned to Jake, pinching his cheek. “And how's our resident grump?”
He slapped her hand away and glared at her. “Great.”
“Yikes! You seem extra grumpy tonight!” She giggled. “There a new stick up your ass or something?” Without a word, Jake pushed away from the bar and headed toward our usual booth. Quinn feigned a look of shock. “You think it was something I said?”
“Could you just not be a bitch for like two minutes?” I asked, shaking my head as I finished Jake and I’s drinks.
Quinn hummed. “I probably could, but it sounds pretty boring, so I’ll pass!”
Ari pulled on her arm, dragging her out of her seat and toward the dancing crowd. “Come on! I love this song!”
Will and Prue walked into the bar together, sitting down beside Sam. While Prue greeted the off-duty cop, Will set his head on the bar and sighed. “It was a pretty long night tonight, huh?”
“With Howard gone… yeah,” he answered.
“I’ll make you something strong,” I offered, getting Prue’s attention before asking, “Want anything to drink?”
“No, I’m on Will duty.” She looked over at him and gently rubbed his back. “He’s having a rough week.”
The second I touched a glass Ozzy’s loud voice boomed over the bar. “Oi! You ain’t on bar duty tonight!”
I glanced at him with an innocent smile. “I’m just helping out Oz.”
“Not tonight you’re not!” He gestured to the two bartenders already working. “I’ve got two boys back here, let em get some work in will ya? Shoo!”
“Oz-”
“Shoo!” He repeated, ushering me out from behind the bar with a shake of his head. “Go have fun. Take a load off for once, love.”
“Alright, alright!” I reached over and grabbed Jake and my drinks. “Bossy much?”
The big man scoffed and pointed at me with that fatherly smirk of his. “I shouldn’t have to be bossin you to take some time to yourself.”
Dodging the crowd I made my way to the booth where Jake sulked by himself. Patrick, who’d spent all of two seconds by the table, gave me a look and mouthed He’s grumpy on his way past me. I set the drink in front of Jake. “One Mexican Firing Squad.” He gave me a look, one that I quickly shot down with a pointed reply, “You gave me creative freedom. This is on you.”
“Right. Next time remind me not to let you pick the drinks.”
“Scooch.” He sipped on his drink, refusing the move that rigid body of his as an act of defiance. Using the empty side of the booth I slid around to sit beside him and took a victorious drink of my cocktail. I let the tense silence roll over me for a minute before finally choosing to say something. “Quinn's got a point, you do seem extra grumpy all of a sudden.” Nudging his arm I asked, “What sticks up your ass now?”
Jake scoffed and quickly downed his drink, showcasing little regret afterward. “I'm just peachy.”
I gave him a look. “Come on, Jake.”
“Don't worry about it, Princess.” His eyes shifted to Sam, who’d joined my brothers at another table, and his face scrunched lightly in clear displeasure. “I'm fine.”
“Ahh,” I hummed in realization. A funny, prideful feeling made my chest feel warmer. “So it's not a stick up your ass, it's a baton.” Jake didn't bother replying. I sat back in the booth and looked down at my fingers. “Are you jealous of Sam?”
That got him talking. “I'm not jealous of some uptight asshole cop.”
Hiding my smirk behind my glass I shrugged. “Sam's hardly an asshole and he's not very uptight.”
“Well, you'd know, wouldn't you?”
“Yeah, I would.” Tilting my head to meet his eyes I quietly asked, “Is that a problem?”
With a sigh Jake shook his head, finally allowing himself to relax. “No. It's just… He's clearly still into you and…”
“And that makes you feel… Weird, given everything that's happened between us,” I finished.
“Yeah.” He looked at me, eyes finally softening. “I'm sorry if I'm being an ass.”
Smiling wide enough to reassure him I lifted a hand to stroke his cheek. “You're almost always an ass in some way. Guess I'm getting used to it.”
With a quiet laugh, he smiled. “Good to know.” Standing he grabbed both our glasses. “I'll get us refills.”
“Jake.” I stopped him with a hand on his arm. He turned and I lifted myself out of the seat to press my lips to his. His body leaned into mine, lips moving in harmony with my own without hesitation. When we pulled away from each other I smiled again, slightly nervous to voice the reassuring words that clung to my throat. “Whatever this is… You have my full attention.”
Though he chuckled, I could see that he felt better after I said it. “Do I?”
I settled back in my seat, cheeks red and chest warm and fuzzy. “Yep. Try not to let it go to your head.”
“Too late, Princess,” he announced. “You've got my ego all inflated now.”
“Damn,” I joked. “Guess I'll have to be meaner to you.”
“Lookin’ forward to it,” he replied with a wink as he turned and headed to the bar.
My face felt hotter as I stared down into my lap. I could only imagine just how red I looked and I was glad Quinn was too busy with Ari to make fun of me. It was just so easy with Jake. The warmth and the fuzziness that came with something new and exciting was now a persistent feeling. Every moment I spent with him I felt so… Happy. It was sickening. Then there was the unknown but very obvious feeling that made me want to hop onto his lap - as I had so many times before - take that pretty face in my hands and tell him he was mine.
Something glittering in the dancing crowd caught my eye, drawing attention to the familiar entourage of finely dressed men and one woman covered in expensive jewels and an easy smile. Mav. Fucking hell. I jumped out of the booth and made my way through the crowd as quickly and as gently as I could, trying to reach the bar and give everyone a warning before…
Mav's men hung back as she settled in beside Jake. Ozzy offered her a kind if not slightly tense greeting, “Mav, didn't expect to see you here tonight.”
“I was in the neighborhood,” she replied in that sultry voice of hers as her rich amber eyes drifted to Jake. “So, this is him then? Your girls Jake?”
The two bartenders exchanged a look before Ozzy cleared his throat. “What can I get ya?”
Mav ignored him, lifting her finger to trace Jake's jaw as she grinned. "Oh he is cute, isn't he?"
I hurried forward with a loud proclamation, “MAV!” From across the room, Dom’s head shot up and he was on his feet in seconds. I tried to subtly place my body between hers and Jake's. It wasn’t so subtle, judging by the way she chuckled at me. “Long time no see. How's business?”
“Oh, you know how it goes. Money, drugs, sex, booze, bar fights, the occasional murder,” she replied with a casual shrug as she turned her head to take a sip of the drink Oz had offered up. “I can't complain.”
“Sounds fun.”
“You're more than welcome to tag along one of these days.” Mav grinned over my shoulder at Jake. “I'll even let you bring your boy toy.”
I laughed and shook my head. “Thanks but no thanks. I'm not really doing that kinda stuff anymore.”
Her eyes narrowed. “That's not what I heard.” Sliding her finger along the rim of her glass she chuckled. “You and Eddie paid one of my boys a visit not too long ago.”
“We did.”
“Fucked him up pretty bad.” Her voice was soft as silk as she smiled, baring her teeth. “I was impressed. You always did know just how to leave men a whimpering and sniffling shell.”
“Mav I-”
She shushed me and with a long nail, she fixed my hair. “You get things done, Lena. I’ve always respected that.”
The only thing you could count on when it came to Mav was her unpredictability. And while I was confident that Mav liked me enough not to slit my throat I still chose to tread cautiously. “Do you know why I did it?”
“No. And I don't care. That boy…” She turned toward her men, her chestnut hair falling over her shoulder. “What's his name again?”
“Aaron.”
“Right,” she laughed. “Aaron. He was a huge fuck up. Wasted more of my time and money than any of my husbands. You did me a favor putting him in his place. So I came to extend my gratitude.”
Dom made his way through the crowd, eyeing her men for a minute before he stood there, staring at Mav's back. The soft look in his eyes held all the history between them. “That's awfully generous of you.”
Mav turned toward the sound of his voice, a real smile settling on her lips. “Well, well, if it isn't the junkyard king himself.”
They looked each other up and down for a long moment. Jake leaned over my shoulder. “So… What's going on here?”
“I'll tell you later,” I whispered back.
“Mavis,” Dom said, taking her hand and lifting it to his lips.
“Dominic,” she replied, watching with gleeful delight as he kissed her hand. “Always such a gentleman.”
With a shrug, the biker straightened his back. “If I were a gentleman I'd be buried next to your other husbands.”
“True,” she admitted with a laugh.
“So,” Dom started. “Is it business or pleasure tonight?”
“Business,” Mav said. “Always business.”
With a nod he settled in at the end of the bar, casually leaning on it as he watched her. “I'm all ears.”
“My business isn't with you.” Mav turned back towards me and extended one of her signature platinum cards to me.
“Mav I can't-”
She shushed me. “Take it, dear. As a thank you for fixing a problem for me.”
“I don't need your money.”
“Nonsense!” She insisted, waving me off. “Money offers people like us a lot of freedoms. Why do you think I got rid of those pesky husbands so quickly?”
"Haven't killed all your husbands," Dom said with a fond grin.
Mav returned the look, though it was harder to see in her. "There's still time."
“This is too much.”
“Lena,” she sighed, shaking her head. “Take the money. Have some fun. Buy your boy something special.” Winking at Jake over my shoulder she set the card on the bar next to me. “You've more than earned it.”
“Thank you, Mav.”
Standing she turned to Dom and jabbed his chest with her finger. “And you. Tell that moronic brother of yours to stay off my turf.”
Dom leaned down, pressing their bodies closer together. “Whatever you say, darling.”
“I mean it. Next time Eddie shows up uninvited he's going to lose some limbs.”
“Call if you need help chopping,” he replied with a laugh. “I'd love to get a few licks in.”
“Idiots, both of you.”
Dom watched her go with a look that made me feel squeamish. I grabbed the card and turned back to Jake and the others who'd gathered at the bar behind him. “Looks like drinks are on me for the next few months.”
Quinn clapped loudly, urging the group to cheer. Sasha lifted his glass and loudly yelled, “TIGER BITCH!”
“Tiger Bitch!” Everyone joined in.
Ozzy took the card and shook his head. “I disapprove of your involvement.”
“Buuuttt…”
“I'm not going to turn down Mav's money.” He tucked the card away. “I'm no fool.”
Jake leaned on the bar next to me with a curious grin. “So, what's the story there?”
“Mav is Dom's ex-wife.” Glancing over at the biker I shook my head before loudly announcing, “And there's clearly some lingering sexual tension.”
He glared at me. Nodding toward Jake he answered, “You sure you wanna go there, kid?”
Holding my hands up in defeat I shook my head. “Never mind.”
“Yeah, that's what I thought.”
Turning back to Jake I shrugged. “She's relentless and kind of terrifying, but she likes me so it's alright.”
He laughed and accepted another drink from Oz. “You and your gangsters. So, how much money was on that card?”
“At least ten grand.”
Jake spit his drink out and coughed. “Are you serious?”
Nodding, I smirked. “Me and my gangsters.”
Oz tossed him a bar rag. “Oi, clean that up.”
“Sorry Oz,” he replied, wiping up his mess.
Sam set his empty bottle on the bar and thanked Ozzy when he took it. “Sooo, I just ran into Mav on her way out. You, uh, spending time with her again?”
I shook my head. “No, I just…” As I looked up into his eyes I could see the cringe settle on his face. He was begging me not to say something incriminating, so I chuckled and finished with, “Walked her dog.”
The cop in him saw straight through the lie, but the friend in him just laughed. “That’s what you’re sticking with?”
“She has three big dogs,” I argued. “I could have walked one!”
“When have you ever walked her dogs?”
My mouth hung open as my brain desperately tried to conjure up any instance where I’d done more than pet her dogs. “When… She… I… Shut up!”
Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Jake grab another drink and down it just as quickly as he had the first. Maybe getting drunk wasn’t the best idea to encourage. Before I could offer him any kind of reassurance Patrick hollered from their table, “Jake!”
The second he moved from my side I sighed, watching him sit down beside my brothers and talk. Sam glanced that way and smiled. “It’s nice to see those two haven’t lost their tendency to adopt your… friends.”
“Yeah. They always seem to find the guys I bring home so interesting.”
“In their defense. You do have an interesting taste in men.” He gestured to himself, wiggling his eyebrows. “I mean just look at me! Suburban good boy with the dream to become a cop!”
I laughed. “You are very interesting, Sammy.”
“And handsome,” he added.
“That too.”
Sam’s eyes returned to that table. “So… It seems like Jake makes you happy. I’m glad you found him.”
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “Me too.”
All at once the memories of Sam and I came flooding my brain. We’d had a lot of good times, a lot of passion, and more vulnerability than I’d ever been able to muster up at the time. On paper, Sam was everything I could have wanted. Good, kind, gentle, strong, smart and funny. My dads and brothers and friends all loved him. It should have worked. Should have, but didn’t. And it didn’t because of me. After a long, still silence, I quietly admitted, "I've been thinking about a lot of stuff recently. About that fight we had."
Sam shook his head, his smile only faltering a little. "Don't, Lena."
I looked at him long and hard, the man who could've given me everything I'd wanted at the time. "I'm sorry for being so horrible to you."
"You were hardly horrible, Lee."
"I was a bitch."
With a sigh, he turned fully toward me. "Do you remember what I said to you?"
"You wanted to know why-"
"After that."
My jaw clenched as I nodded. "I do."
"Then I guess I don't." The words burnt me from the inside out, venomous and ugly… A reflection of myself.
Sam looked sad… Heartbroken maybe, but he still smiled at me. "That's okay."
Liar, I'd wanted to say. But, Sam just sighed and stepped closer. "It's okay if you don't love me back, Lee. It's okay if you don't want this to be anything more than some fun casual thing. I just… I wanted us to be on the same page so I don't go sayin something stupid again and making you upset."
"Get out."
"Lena-"
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I stepped away from him. Hideous emotions spurring life inside my chest. Angry wounds urging me to hit him, to scream at him and destroy everything we ever had. A monster lurking over my shoulder with a taunting whisper, "I'm the only one that could ever love you."
"Get out," I repeated. "Please, Sam."
Sam's reassuring hand on my own pulled me from that dark memory. "I love you, Lena."
My throat felt tight as I stared up at him, longing to return the words but unable to. "I know."
"I love you," he repeated with a smile. "In whatever way you need me to."
"I'm sorry." Sorry, I can't say it back. Sorry, I couldn't keep myself from hurting you. "For all of it."
His smile was blinding as he squeezed my hand. "I'm not. So it didn't work out in the end, big deal. We still had some fun, didn't we?"
I smiled too, the fond memories of Sam gently soothing the heavy weight in my chest. "Yeah, we did."
"And, we turned out to be pretty good friends, right?"
"Perfect friends."
Clearing his throat, Sam checked his watch. “Well, I’ve got to go. I’m working tomorrow morning.”
Before I could talk myself out of it, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around him. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?”
He squeezed me tight and chuckled. “I won’t be. I’ll just remember to leave the uniform at home.”
“Good idea. Goodnight, Sammy.”
“Night, Lee.” He stood and waved at everyone else. “See you around.”
“See you around, Sammy.”
*
Jake had vacated the Harrow brothers’ table shortly after they’d waved him over for Patrick’s rundown of his schedule after Thanksgiving. “You’ll need to get in some solid reps after having Nana’s food,” Patrick had said with a loud laugh.
The fact that he’d just assumed, expected, Jake to be attending their family celebrations only made Simone’s plans for him sting worse. He wanted to go to Nana’s - wanted to spend the day surrounded by the loud Harrow gang’s chaos. He wanted to leave full and happy, smelling like meat and curry. There was nothing Jake wanted more in the world than to spend just one holiday in a place where he felt he belonged.
He’d excused himself and walked outside to the front of Ozzy’s bar, just breathing in the fresh air and wallowing in his self-pity. How many years had it been that he’d followed Simone back to the fucking Cape every holiday? How many years had Jake spent miserable and stuck so far in the past that he felt like he was drowning?
“Home is the past.” He still remembered the night Tess had said those words to him. At the time it wasn’t about her saying them, it was the feeling he felt hearing it. Jake had kissed her that night and had made plans with her that deep down he knew he wouldn't be able to keep but all of that had been less about Tess and more about those four simple words. Home is the past.
"Home is the past, but it's a past you'll need to face eventually. One we'll both have to face.” Lena was right. He’d spent every year getting dragged back, every single year for as long as he could remember, running from The Cape… home… until that word held nothing but dread and anger and pain.
Home, he thought to himself, letting his eyes drift closed - letting the word sit in his mind for a moment. Home. It wasn’t Cape Cod his brain associated with the thought of a home. It wasn’t Simone or the restaurant or even his apartment. It was red hair glowing in the setting sun, loud laughter, and a crinkling freckled nose. It was soft touches, dancing, making drinks. It was late-night walks, kisses on the Ferris wheel, and that addictive tightness in his gut that made everything in him feel more alive every second he spent by her side. Home was waking up to Lena’s green eyes and her tired smile. Home was her.
Whatever this was between them, this unnamed thing, this thing they both seemed so afraid of… it was everything. Jake opened his eyes and the name for it was right there, sitting in his mind like Hemingway curled up on one of his chairs. This was something he never thought it could be, yet the one thing that now seemed so obvious.
Forcing himself to let the word go, Jake turned back to the door and walked down the steps into the bar. Lena had hopped back behind the bar, helping serve drinks as Ozzy shook his head from the office door, insisting that she go have fun. He could practically hear her sassy, “This is fun” from there. The blonde cop carefully made his way out of the crowd of people and smiled at him, stopping to wave. “Hey, Jake. You heading out?”
“No,” he answered. “Just needed some air.”
He nodded and turned to look back at the bar. “I get that. Bars aren’t really my scene either.”
Course they aren’t, he thought to himself. A goody two shoes like Officer Mayfield wouldn’t find bars appealing. He didn’t harbor the same sadness or anger that most people did. He didn’t really get the reason why bars like this were so popular and it made Jake feel like he did around Will. Inadequate. Pathetic. Broken.
"You're lucky," Sam said after a moment of stiff silence.
Jake bit back a bitter laugh. "Am I?"
The officer nodded, eyes never leaving the bar. "She's incredible."
His eyes shifted, following the blondes until Lena filled his vision again. "Yeah, she is."
Once again the man beside him smiled. "She's different with you… Open and happy. You're lucky, not a lot of people get to see that side of her."
Lucky. It was one of Jake's least favorite words. After all that had happened to him, all he'd been forced to find a way to survive luck was just another thing he never had. Yet, standing in the booming bar, surrounded by friends, he had to agree with Officer Mayfield. Lena met his gaze and smiled, pouring a drink as she winked at him. He was lucky. Maybe for the first time in his life.
Sam gave him a pat on the shoulder. "Don't fuck it up. There isn't another girl out there like her, trust me."
Against his better judgment Jake nodded, "If there is, I'm sure you'll find her."
"Thanks," Sam replied. "See you around, Jake."
"See you around, Officer Mayfield."
"Please," the man said with a chuckle. "Call me Sam."
“Alright… Sam.”
After a few more drinks and a few more hours of listening to rowdy bar conversations, while being completely distracted by Lena, the night was over. Quinn and Ari went back to her hotel, Prue and Will went back to his apartment and everyone else slowly filtered out until it was just him and the Harrows. Lena rested her head on the top of the bar, lazily sloshing the remainder of her drink around in her glass with a tired look in her eyes. Patrick helped Ozzy close the bar down while Peter closed the bar down and Oz handled some paperwork.
It was organized, methodical, and something he found peaceful. Lena looked at him and smiled. “Well, did drinking make you feel better?”
He shrugged. “Neither of us got nearly fucked up enough. You didn’t even drunkenly grope me.”
Clicking her tongue she lightly tapped him with her foot. “There, consider yourself groped.”
Patrick made a face. “Could you two please wait until I’m out of earshot to do that?”
“Well,” Lena said, choosing to ignore her brother. “You’re welcome to stay with us tonight.”
“I should go back to my place,” Jake admitted. “I gotta feed the cat or he’ll tear my sheets to shreds.”
“That would be a shame. Your sheets are amazing.” She sat up, stretching her limbs for a second before finding her footing. “I’ll walk you out.”
Jake followed her, giving the rest of them a short farewell before they stepped out into the cold night. Lena shivered and without a second thought, Jake slid off his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders. He watched, smiling like an idiot, as she did a little dance and happily shoved her arms through the openings.
They walked up the road a few feet before stopping. Everything he realized, everything he felt, pulsed through him like an ocean current as he looked at her yet he couldn’t bring himself to voice any of them. Luckily, Lena seemed to have found some courage in one of the glasses she’d drank that night. “So, I… I know we have a lot to discuss about…” She awkwardly gestured between them. “Us. And I know that with everything going on, there hasn’t really been a good time to… you know, talk.”
“We don’t have to do this right now.”
“I know,” she whispered. “I just… I guess I want you to know that I meant it.”
Jake tilted his head slightly, a subconscious movement to cover up the way his heart stuttered. “Meant what?”
She stepped closer and smiled, her green eyes sparkled beneath the city lights. “You have my full attention, Jake. I… I don’t know what this is or what we’re doing but… I like it. I like you.” Lena slowly lifted herself up to press her lips to his just like she had in the bar. And just like that, everything else didn’t matter. Once she pulled away a blush settled on her cheeks. “So, yeah… I just wanted you to know that.”
For the first time that night, Jake truly smiled. His hands cupped her cheeks and he kissed her again. “You’ve got my full attention too, Princess.”
“Give Hemingway a hug for me,” she said, alcohol-ridden breath fanning across his lips. He opened his mouth to tease her about calling him by the name she insisted didn’t fit, but Lena quickly slapped his arm. “Don’t say it!”
“Alright,” he said smugly. “I’ll save it for later.”
“Goodnight, Jake.”
“Goodnight, Lena.”
That night, with Hemingway curled up by his feet Jake stared at his empty suitcase and the text message Simone had sent him about the time she wanted him to be at her apartment for their trip. He didn’t want to go to Cape Cod. He wanted to go to dinner with Lena’s family, to laugh and joke and eat until he couldn’t move. Jake wanted to stay home. And he would. This time he’d stay.
*
Thanksgiving morning was always interesting at the Harrow house. When our dad was alive he’d spend all day in the kitchen prepping his famous turkey for the journey to Nana’s diner. In the years that followed his death, Peter had taken his place, spending hours upon hours slow-cooking the damn bird. The first year it was blackened and completely inedible. The years that followed he got progressively better until he was unable to cook at all due to his cancer. Nana and Abdul covered the turkey for a while, but now Pete was back and he was determined to perfect the bird this year.
So, I woke to the smell of cooking meat and the blaring of Pat’s music. I ate breakfast with my brothers and gave Peter some tips for his bird and then I was off to work. Scott had asked that all the kitchen crew show up early so we could get ahead of the night before it took any turns for the worst. Will had made a similar request, one everyone had scoffed at and would likely ignore.
The walk that morning was peaceful. Stores put up their black Friday signs and everyone on the streets had a nicer demeanor than they usually did, a phenomenon that was strictly reserved for the holidays and even then this was still New York City. 22West had decorated the stairs with a garland of fall leaves and the door with a wreath, but other than that it remained the same at Aunt Maddie’s insistence no doubt.
My heart dropped into my stomach as I walked through the front door and saw just Nicky behind the bar greeting me with a smile. “Morning, Red.”
“Morning,” I answered, just as another man, older and definitely not my grumpy bartender, returned from the kitchen with a pallet of glasses. Finding the strength to move my feet and smile through the hellish pain that now stabbed my chest I extended a hand to the unknown face I said, “I don't think we've met before.”
The man shook my hand with a relieved chuckle, “Names Sam. I'm the one they call when they run outta options.”
“I'm sure they call you because you're good at your job, Sam. I'm Lena.”
His eyes narrowed slightly. “You look familiar.”
“We've probably seen each other in passing at some point,” I replied. “I’ve been around for a while.”
“You're Maddie's niece!” Snapping his fingers he laughed. “Oh, last time I saw you, you were only ye big.” He lifted a hand to his stomach, showcasing the size he spoke of.
Awkwardly laughing I shrugged. “Sounds like me. Well, it was nice meeting you, or seeing you again I guess.”
The old man Sam chuckled and returned to his work. “You too.”
Scott was barking orders when I entered the kitchen and headed for the stairs. The locker room was uncharacteristically quiet as I changed. No Sasha to make his crude jokes, no Ari to laugh at them, no Heather to chide them both… No Jake to make me feel warm and fuzzy. I bitterly swallowed a lump in my throat as I found myself wanting to cry. Pull it together, Lena. This was his decision, I reminded myself. It was his choice. And then, the steady thoughts shifted to the truth of what I felt. But he didn’t choose me. My fingers deftly buttoned up my chef's coat as I shook my head. Nope. We’re not doing that. I wouldn’t let myself resent his choice to go with Simone. I wouldn’t let myself turn into her, not even for one fraction of a second.
Closing my locker I headed downstairs and jumped into work, burying myself in it. Burying everything I felt, everything I wanted to feel beneath the sauces and spices and chopping of meat and vegetables. Nothing else mattered, nothing but the food in front of me. And for a while that worked. Then, service started and everything went to shit.
Sasha barreled through the kitchen doors and set his plate down on the table with a loud clack. “Table fourteen says this is overcooked.”
“Like hell it is!” Scott argued, rushing over to inspect it. “God damn rich assholes. Refire on fourteen.”
Heather followed after, setting down two soups. “Table five says the soups are cold.”
A vein in Scott’s neck looked seconds away from bursting. “Who are they, fuckin Neely? Refire two soups!”
Ari came in hot on Heather’s heels. “Table twelve wants two more entrees.”
Scott wiped the sweat from his forehead and sighed. “Fucking Thanksgiving.”
“Lena!” Will hollered, rushing up from the wine cellar. “We’re getting fucked out there, would you please hop on and help us?”
I glanced at Scott, who reluctantly nodded, and stripped myself of my coat. “Sure thing, boss.”
From that point on whatever needed done, I was on top of it. Bar restocks, serving, scouring the wine cellar, dishes, all of it was my wheelhouse tonight. And again, for a while that worked. It took my mind off of Jake and Simone and the fucking Cape. It took my mind off of everything else because all that mattered at the moment was the work. And then, just like before, it all went to shit.
I helped Santos scrub the last of the dishes before Ari tapped my shoulder and gave me a weird look. “Uh, table four is requesting you.”
“What?”
She gulped. “It’s… It’s your mom.”
Fuck. I sighed and dried my hands off. “Of course it is.”
Sure enough, there she was, sitting in the center of the lobby with a gleaming smile on her face. I straightened my shoulders and walked out toward her with a blank expression. She wasn’t gonna fucking win. Not tonight. Not if I could help it. “Good afternoon, maam. What can I get for you tonight?”
Jennifer laughed. “Come now, darling. I think we can drop the formalities.”
“Fine. Tell me what the fastest way to get you out of here is.”
“I’ll have the special and a bottle of your finest red. After that, a conversation.” She grinned again. “Quite reasonable, isn’t it?”
I turned on my heel and took her order to the kitchen before spending far too long in the cellar, picking out the shittiest wine I could find before returning to her table. She sent the food back, of course, and spilled her wine and made the night an absolute horror. While all the other guests began to funnel out, Jennifer remained until I finally snapped. “What do you fucking want?”
“Some appreciation,” she bit back. “For once in your goddamn life, could you just be grateful for all that I’ve done for you?”
Though it didn’t make the situation easier, it certainly made me feel better to laugh in her face. “You didn’t give me shit.”
"I made you strong," she said with a proud raise of her head.
"No, you didn't," I replied coldly. "You almost destroyed me. You gave me nightmares. You made me feel so inferior I got addicted to drugs trying to earn your love. You sold me… groomed me to be his. He may have been the one that almost killed me, but you were the one that pulled the strings and I hate you for it." Hot tears streamed down my cheeks as I held her stare. "I hate you. I will always hate you. No matter how many times you show up and insert yourself into my life that will never fucking change."
Jennifer sneered, “I am your mother.”
Shaking my head I replied, “No. My mother was a teacher and a painter. She took care of me, taught me, protected me more than you ever did.” Her lips thinned as she glared at me, clearly displeased I'd brought up Rada. “My mother died trying to protect me. She's gone and still, I love her more than I've ever loved you.”
“You ungrateful little-”
I set the check on her table. “Pay and get the fuck out.”
As I walked away I could hear her huffing and puffing, but in the end I’d won. By the time I’d come back she was gone. Closing everything down for the night took longer than usual, but once we’d all finished and changed we parted ways with relieved smiles. Sasha and Ari walked with me to Nana’s. It was a beautiful sight, her large window painted with a big cartoon turkey and my family inside setting the huge line of tables they’d pulled together to make enough room. As much as I felt relieved, happy, that I was here with them I couldn’t quite shake the anger and the hurt that Jennifer’s visit had brought me. She served as a reminder of those three years I spent away from my family, and I fucking hated it.
“How was work?” Abdul asked from behind the counter as we all funneled in.
I reached over the counter and grabbed one of the beers from the cooler, popping it open and practically chugging it before answering with a hoarse, “Just great.”
Nodding he gestured to the back. “I'll grab the tequila.”
“Thanks, Pop Pop.”
“There you all are!” Nana cheered, greeting us with hugs and kisses as she searched the crowd with her eyes. “Happy Thanksgiving my dears!”
Sasha and Ari spared me a look as I took another swig of my drink. They quickly began mumbling thank yous and holiday wishes. “Yep, Happy Thanks-fucking-giving.”
She frowned, swatting my arm with one of her magazines. “Language, Lena!”
“Sorry,” I said, hoping the word would somehow help alleviate how shitty I felt about my mothers’ appearance tonight, and about how I knew that Jake was miserable.
Nana sighed and stroked my cheek. “Smile, Habibi. Today is a day for thanks and for happiness. We are all together, that is what matters, yes?”
Not all of us… “Yeah.”
“Good,” she said, turning around to holler toward the kitchen. “Hurry with the food boys, our guests are getting hungry!”
The kitchen door opened and Abdul led Patrick and Peter out with hands filled with various meats and side dishes that all looked and smelt amazing. A foot caught the door just before it closed and a sarcastic, familiar voice, called out. “Thanks for holding the door, dickhead.”
Nana turned, quick as a whip. “Jake! Language!”
My heart stopped. Jake. The dark-haired bartender stepped out of the kitchen with a roguish grin. “Sorry Nana.” He bent down a kissed her cheek, moving to follow Patrick to the tables when his eyes met mine. Beneath his unwavering gaze, I felt tears start to build in my eyes as the relief of seeing him… Of him being here soothed the ache in my chest.
Sasha threw an arm around my shoulder and wagged a finger in his face. "Jakey! We weren't expecting to see your grumpy face tonight!"
Ari settled in her seat next to Quinn and smiled. "Yeah, what happened to going to The Cape?"
His eyes never left mine as he shrugged and answered simply, "Fuck The Cape."
I smiled, a light laugh escaping from my tight throat as I shook my head, reaching out to take one of the plates from him. "Here, let me help you."
“Thanks, Princess.”
The noise of my family was loud as ever, but all I seemed to be able to hear was Jake. Everything he said, every move he made, I was perfectly honed into him… Half expecting this to be a dream. We sat next to each other as Nana and Abdul said their prayers and thanked everyone for coming. Peter stood, unveiling the perfectly cooked turkey and eating up the oos and aahs that filled the diner. “Finally an edible turkey!”
Katie jabbed Patrick in the ribs. “Be nice!”
“I’m always nice,” my brother insisted leaning in to give her a big, wet kiss.
Isaac kissed Peter as he sat back down. “It looks amazing babe!”
Jake’s hand slid onto my knee and gave it a gentle squeeze. His eyes stayed focused ahead as he complemented the food, “Everything looks amazing.”
Nana smiled from across the table. “Thank you for coming so early to help, sweet Jake.”
“Yeah, thank’s sweet Jake,” Patrick taunted.
“How long have you been here?” I asked, looking up at him, still shocked.
“He showed up this morning,” Nana replied. “Knocked on our door like a polite gentleman and asked what we needed.”
Abdul laughed. “Poor boys been worked half to death!”
Jake smiled and shrugged, looking a bit awkward as he insisted, “It wasn’t that bad.”
“We even made his favorite dessert,” Nana proudly leaned over to lift a pie into the air. “Lemon meringue.”
He came this morning… That meant… Jake had chosen to stay. He’d chosen not to go with Simone and to come here instead. I forced myself to act normally as we all dished up and stuffed our mouths with delicious food, but nothing could contain my smile and the surge of joy that filled me. Jake had stayed. He chose me.
The night was filled with laughter and dancing and drinking and more food than any of us could even attempt to finish. When we’d all had our fill and packed ourselves leftovers, Nana and Abdul gathered help from Dom and the bikers to deliver the rest to those in need. I stood outside and watched the lot carefully pack the boxes onto their bikes when Jake walked out and stood beside me. “It’s pretty cool they donate some of the food.”
“Yeah,” I replied. “Nana and Abdul are kind of the best.”
“They really are.”
"I'm really glad you came tonight," I finally whispered looking up at the faint stars in the sky. "It was… A rough day."
"Yeah, I heard." Glancing at him he shrugged. "Sasha's a gossip."
I nodded, picking at my fingers. "Right, shoulda known."
"I know it doesn't mean much coming from me, but… I'm proud of you for standing up to her." He bumped me with his shoulder. "Wish I coulda been there to see it."
Without even meaning to, the words slipped out, “I thought you went home.”
Jake’s eyes stayed glued to mine as he answered, “I did.”
My eyes filled with tears again, ones I quickly blinked away as I lifted myself to kiss him. The cold air sent goosebumps rising on my arms, but as Jake cradled my face in his hands and kissed me back with equal passion and fervor, I’d never felt warmer.
*
"Anthony," she breathed out with a fresh smile as she entered the empty restaurant. "It's so good to see you again!"
He smiled at her and Olivia felt like the most important girl in the world. Anthony lounged in the chair and replied with equal enthusiasm, "It's good to see you too, Olivia." Reaching out, he brushed her hair out of her face, eyes lighting up with that mirthful glow. “I love what you've done with your hair.”
“Thank you.” She settled in beside him and blushed. “I was surprised when Jen told me you wanted to have dinner together.”
“Why?” He questioned. “You’re a beautiful and fascinating woman, Olivia. Any man, myself included, would be blessed to be in your company.”
She blushed and shook her head, looking around the restaurant that she hated so much. “Why here?”
Anthony shrugged, taking a modest sip of his wine. “Because we can.”
"Did you need help with something?" She asked, changing the subject in an attempt to ground herself.
"As a matter of fact I do," he replied, carefully turning the book on the table towards her. "I need you to tell me everything you know about this woman."
Olivia's brows furrowed as she examined the drawing on the page. "Simone?"
Anthony nodded encouragingly. "An associate of mine has been in some contact with her, but he's having some… Difficulty. Jennifer assured me you would be able to help."
"Of course!" She cheered. "Anything for you!"
Tapping the page with his finger he grinned again. "Good. Now, tell me about this Simone."
They spent the whole night talking. It was mostly about Simone, but Olivia didn’t mind. As long as she could talk to him, to hear that amazingly soothing voice of his, she was perfectly happy. Food was served and, to her at least, a good time was had before Howard approached the table. His face was bruised and swollen and clearly unhappy as he moved to the side, gesturing with his hand to a painting on the wall behind him. “Does this satisfy your request?”
Anthony tilted his head, truly examining the piece before he smiled. “It does.”
Oliva’s eyes devoured the unique-looking thing, admiring the bright colors and the almost violence the art radiated. She was about to comment on his taste in art when she noticed the tiny scribbled name in the corner.
Lena.
#fic: nightshade#jake x lena#sweetbitter fanfiction#sweetbitter jake#jake sweetbitter#sweetbitter#sweetbitter jake x oc#sweetbitter fic#sweet bitter#sweetbitter fandom#sweetbitter tv series#tom sturridge#sweetbitter jake and oc#sweetbitter jake x lena#sweetbitter jake x oc smut#sweetbitter jake and lena#sweetbitter original characters#sweetbitter heather#sweetbitter howard#sweetbitter simone#sweetbitter ari#sweetbitter sasha#sweetbitter santos#sweetbitter smut#sweetbitter scott#thanksgiving#thankful
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oswlld's monthly wrap up: april
note: i am trying something a bit different this year, so bear with me as i figure out how i want to format this. i wanted to spend more time sharing what i consume, beyond what i rb, and put my thoughts in one place. these posts are okay to rb
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This Is How You Lose the Time War, Amal El-Mohtar & Max Gladstone [started 04/04, finished 04/09] *drags my hands down my face until the end of time* I want to meet you in every place I ever loved. I want to meet you in every place I ever loved. I want to meet you in every place I ever loved. I want to meet you in every place I ever loved. I want to meet you in every place I ever loved. I WANT TO MEET YOU!!!! IN EVERY PLACE I EVER LOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4.75⭐️ in storygraph. — Hamnet, Maggie O’Farrell [started 04/12, in prog] I am about 100 pages in and still not sure if I want to keep going or DNF it. idk what isn’t sticking because the writing is beautiful and the pacing is great. And I do care about the characters, I really do. I love the way the author borrows from future grief, it’s what I am enjoying most about this read so far. Maybe I’ll give it 50 more pages and see if it finally sticks.
23.5 Degrees, GMMTV [started: 03/08, ongoing] As mentioned, I am caught up on eps 3-8. I’ll likely not be able to watch it live in may but I will be keeping up with the series til the end. It’s so lighthearted and charming! Not sure how they managed this, but I am constantly surprised by the character group dynamics. It’s def due to the great chemistry everyone has with literally everyone. I need NEED to discuss the score of this show because it’s IMMACULATE. The celestial themes, from the props all the way down to the music, is so rich. I’m so excited to see how this story unravels. — Devil’s Plan [started: 04/23, ongoing] This is a bestie pick, a show my best friend chose to have us watch on our facetime calls. We are 1.5 eps in and it’s a grower. The first game is hella complex and we’re slowly picking up on what’s happening. The people on this show are incredibly intelligent, so I feel like I have to work extra hard to keep up. It does feel rewarding, I’m hooked.
Oppenheimer, Peacock [watched on 04/05] I am a self-proclaimed Nolan girlie, I’ll admit it. I do enjoy his work and the many ways he translates time into film. When I wrote this, it had been a few days since I watched it and I still think abt the little moments that blew me away. Moments like the accentuated dust particles, how the coloring of the movie can be an unreliable narrator, and the utilization of a crowded hall stomping their feet to create tension. The last eight minutes still haunts me. I find more value in the technical side of film, but I will give credit when credit is due: every award Cillian Murphy got this season was so well earned. He carried all three hours of that film with such powerful quietude. And lastly, my heart now belongs to Jennifer Lame. Upon seeing her accept the award for Best Film Editing for Oppenheimer, I have come to learn that she also edited Tenet. HER MIND!!! She has such a bright future ahead of her, to be up there with the minds of Thelma Schoonmaker and Anne V Coates. — Yellow Door: ’90s Lo-Fi Film Club [watched on 04/14] This film needs to be studied in film school. It’s incredibly meta in some ways, having renown directors be the subjects, talking about their passion for film. The production being so stylized and the editing feels very reminiscent of Our Beloved Summer, with the way the found footage and the aspect ratios are intertwined with current day quality shots. This film will hit everyone right in the millennial. A true surprise for me is discovering that Bong Joon Ho and I are more alike that I had originally thought. The way he speaks in casual conversation and his story of setting strict rules for their film collection had me hollering because SAME. The most jessi thing he recounted was how all the VHS tapes were labelled. Yellow Door is somehow the opposite of the "doesn’t take itself too seriously" mentality; it’s actually so great that they made the film like that. By fully immersing us with gorgeous cinematography, cheeky editing sequences, and lush music to tug at your heartstrings, it bewitches you into loving film as much as they did. And still do.
Cowboy Carter, Beyoncé [relisten] I’ve given this several good cycles to confirm my first impressions: it’s def one of her most cohesive albums to date and still stands as a spectacular album. This passion project of hers takes such great care and attention to the voices she amplifies. I can feel the hunger, the innate need for her to make this album. If you haven’t heard how this album came to be, I insist you take the time to educate yourselves. It makes the listening experience so much more empowering. Good for her… GOOD. FOR. HER!! Current favs: Ameriican Requiem, 16 Carriages, Bodyguard, Jolene, Spaghettii, Ya Ya, Desert Eagle, II Hands II Heaven, and Sweet/Honey/Buckin’. — Older, Lizzy McAlpine [first time listening] Coming off the heels of my Five Seconds Flat hyperfixation last year, I haphazardly went into Older hoping its a natural progression in production value. I was shocked that it turned out to be a completely different sound. I soon learned that she actually didn’t really like Five Seconds Flat was produced because it didn’t feel true to her as an artist. Tbh I was feeling a little lost after the first listen but after digesting this new info, I went back into it and appreciated it a lot more. In fact, the third listen was when I realized that it gave off the same energy as Laufey. I’m excited to listen to it again soon. — Stick Season: Forever, Noah Kahan [first time listening] Having stumbled on all the collabs on Alexa earlier this year, Forever was the only new song for me from his latest release. I’m OBSESSED with this song!!!! The way his voice carries the entire weight of every hurt inside me and just takes it away. Something healed in me. I play it in the car every time I leave the house. I cry in the car every time I leave the house. — The Tortured Poets Department, Taylor Swift [first time listening, standard vinyl ed.] I am going to get this out of the way and say that this album is great. Just great. I understand more than ever why she felt the need to make this album. Having only listened to the standard version a couple times and the anthology twice through, I sit here in this kind of… discomfort. And I’m kind of okay with that feeling. But… it pains me that I can’t share this album with some people in my life and it’s largely due to how she depicts her struggles with people with mental health/addiction. It’s one, if not the biggest, strike I have against this album and by extension, her. Songs cycling in my head: Down Bad, So Long London, Guilty as Sin?, Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?, loml, imgonnagetyouback, Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus, How Did It End?, I Look in People’s Windows, The Prophecy, Peter, and The Manuscript.
EXPO Chicago [attended 04/13] Yes, I am doxxing myself a bit if you didn’t already know. During college, I used to attend EXPO yearly and occasionally went back long after I finished school. I haven’t attended in a long time, so I made it my goal to attend this year. And I had a blast! My mother tagged along and she’s not one to attend shows like this or art museums in general. It was a beautiful day trip to the city and it was nice to have her company. She mostly trailed behind and took pics of me as I floated around the exhibition hall. I have 50+ artists I tracked on my phone to actively research in my spare time. I sat in on one of the panel talks (ON COLOR), discussing color theory in today’s bipoc landscape. I took so much away from that conversation, it was very charged. I'm kinda obsessed with Alteronce Gumby, I need to do an artist deepdive on his work. — Coachella [watched from 04/12 to 04/14] I work for a big tech company and one of the biggest events to be on standby for is Coachella. I had to be on call for Friday and was backup support for Sunday lineups. Thus, Saturday was the only day I could sit back and relax while watching. My first time lineups included: Hatsune Miku, Peso Pluma, Late Night Drive Home, Jon Batiste, Ateez, le Sserafim, Purple Disco Machine, Bleachers, No Doubt, 88rising Futures, and Latin Mafia. Of all of the performances, I want to take a full deep dive into Ateez and Peso Pluma’s discography in the near future.
#oswlld 2024 wrap up#mine: edits#long post#this is how you lose the time war#23.5 degrees#devil's plan#oppenheimer#bong joon ho#yellow door#cowboy carter#beyonce#lizzy mcalpine#noah kahan#taylor swift#alteronce gumby#ateez#peso pluma#ive been tackling ttpd as though it was folklore/evermore#it reads more like sister albums for me it gives length and structure like musical theatre cast recordings#i dissect the narrative in acts#and im enjoying the writing and narrative more in ttpd standard#but i LOVE the production and variety of topics in the anthology collection#this level of vulnerability and info dumping is not for everyone#and tbh it might not even be for me but it doesn’t make it a bad album#it’s like… i get why there’s criticism about how it needs to be edited down or polished or that it needed ‘more time’#i do get it and a part of me buys into it#imo she’s prob too big to fail. she can get away with almost anything at this rate#im still enjoying it tho. she's a grower#i have the rest of time to have it grow on me. there will be songs that will hit harder in a week/month/year#sorry about the tangent see yall in june
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hiiii can you give us some info about the songs in your come home playlist? youve added so many new songs im kinda scared 🥲
oh BOY anon im about to write you an essay ,,,,, whew get ready
generally speaking, each song correlates with either steve, jon, or bug. so im just gonna go through each song in the playlist and say who is for what and then some insight if i can <3 also, if it applies, what season i envision for each song !
1. pretty boy - steve (vibes overall how i see his character)
2. i dont know you like i used to - bugs feelings about jon in season 1 (no longer knows him anymore)
3. chelsea dagger - overall vibe for come home. it feels so stranger things coded and chasing around the party
4. buttons - jon n bug (their dynamic and where the knife engraving comes from !! bugs knives were inspired by this song)
5. i always knew - steve n bug <3333
6. sweet nothing - more steve n bug
7. august - come homes main message. i see steve/bug/jon when i hear the song. growing up.
8. maple syrup - heavy bug and steve season 2 coded
9. oh no i think im in love - steve falling for bug and his fear </3
10. kiss her you fool - so steve season 3 coded its insane. kiss her !!!!!
11. star tripping - honestly bug and steve vibes season 1 ??? feels very nancy and jon being messy and making them Miserable coded
12. to be your lover - STEVE N BUG SEASON 3 ANTHEM !!!!
13. ode to a conversation stuck in your throat - jon and steve. thats all i will say
14. youre okay - jon and bug. how they see one another. but also steve and bug later. they have each others backs. theyre ok together.
15. plan on you - BUG !!! ITS SO BUG CODED AS SHE REALIZES SHE LOVES STEVE. play this while reading season 2 and youll understand
16. just a boy - steves anthem. this song screams his character and how i envision affects his relationships with others
17. youre losing me - jon n bug. obviously
18. sick of losing soulmates - bug later season 2. shes over jon, she has a chance at love with steve. will come into play more season 3 so shhhh
19. halfway - jon and bug anthem. it pains me. read the lyrics. im begging.
20. out of tune - jon n bug again. explains their final scene together season 2. they grew up together n this song captures their childhood </3
21. did i love you - more jon n bug. these songs were added as i was planning season 2 lmao. also a jug anthem
22. your needs, my needs - jon n bug. ouch
23. if i didnt have you - jon n bug end of season 3. cant say more. but also i see steve n bug on a happier note, the song is melancholy
24. blink - jons anthem :((((((( truly, this is how he feels about bug. its him.
25. if you call - legally cant say who this is for but it applies to season 4
26. romeo and juliet - season 3 stug <3333 babies <3333
27. high tops - season 1-2 coded steve. pining for bug without realizing it. just always watching her. ugh.
28. olivia - BUG !!! season 4 specifically and steve fearing things lmao
29. the view between villages - B U G !!!!! its her anthem. especially for season 4. i cant say anything else
30. our last summer - season 3 vibes overall :( its everyones last summer together and it concludes season 3s vibes
31. til forever falls apart - overall just a very stranger things coded song, but def steve n bug during the later seasons <3
32. drive baby - horny and pining steve lmao
33. honey - STUG SEASON 3 ANTHEM BABYYYY !!!!!
34. featherstone - added her today. feels very but n jon and what they couldve had :(
what a lovely note to end on LMAO. hope u enjoyed my ramblings i love my playlist sm
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i'm gonna make a bit of a masterpost with all my good art here, as i'm officially opening my commissions. i don't expect many requests, but i'm still limiting it to five total for the time being. first come, first serve, but i do have the right to decline for any reason i see fit.
let's get into the do's and don'ts first. it's a bit of a read, but please stick til the end if you're interested
things i WILL draw
ship art, within reason*
original characters
official characters, movies/shows/etc
other people's ocs, with permission!!
furries/anthros
my little pony characters
powerpuff/teen puff art style
chibi characters
nsfw art, but only if you can verify you're 18+!!!! and no underage characters!
portraits of yourself or others in my art style, which is not realism sorry
mild gore or body horror
things i WON'T draw
loli/shota
*ship art of the following: incest, pedophilia, canonically abusive couples, noncon situations
nsfw art of or for minors; unless the character canonically is 18+ at some point in the story, they're off limits. no fanon aged up designs.
mecha/highly robotic designs; it's just not my forte and i would hate to disappoint anyone expecting highly detailed mechanical designs. if you feel it's simplistic enough, we can discuss it further.
nsfw art of full-on animal characters, or anthros with realistic animal genitalia
nsfw art in the mlp style. same situation as above; if they're not anthropomorphic enough, i'm not drawing nsfw of it
chibi or ppg style nsfw
extreme gore/violence
payment can be made either in full, or 50%, upfront.
if you choose to do half upfront, the other half MUST be paid after approval of the final sketch for me to continue further. adjustments can continue to be made within reason. ie: please don't ask me to change the composition when it's half finished, or anything else outlandish
works in progress WILL use programs such as nightshade to prevent usage in AI programs, and will be heavily watermarked to avoid theft.
you will receive the full FINISHED artwork in any file format(s) you want (PNG being the default) via email, with a smaller watermark. it is yours to do whatever you wish with, all i ask for at that point is credit linking back to my blog!
please bear in mind that i have a full time job and other responsibilities if you choose to commission me. i would love for art to be my full-time job, but as it stands, it can't be. all of this to say, please have patience and empathy for the person behind the screen <3
now to get into the juicy part, pricing. please note- these prices are for single character pieces. additional information will be below
BUSTS (shoulders/chest and up)
sketch: 5 usd
lineart only: 8 usd
flat colors: 12 usd
cell shading: 18 usd
fully rendered/painted: 25 usd
HALF BODY (lower torso/waist and up)
sketch: 10 usd
lineart: 13 usd
flat colors: 17 usd
cell shading: 23 usd
fully rendered: 30 usd
FULL BODY
sketch: 15 usd
lineart: 18 usd
flat colors: 22 usd
cell shading: 30 usd
fully rendered: 45 usd
the cost of ONE additional character is ½ of the price listed above. anything more than two will be 25% of the listed price PER CHARACTER.
if you've made it this far, congratulations! now you get to enjoy my portfolio, if you wanna call it that. reblogs are very much appreciated!!!
if you're interested after all of that, dm me and tell me your pet's name so i know you read through everything (;
some of this stuff is a bit outdated, but like i said i think these are some of my best works to show. i'll definitely rb this with more stuff to add someday, as well as when the number of open slots updates.
0/5
#powerpuff girls#ppg fanart#commissions#commissions open#oc artist#artists on tumblr#small artist#commissions on tumblr#digital artist#original character#original art#digital art#clip studio paint#paint tool sai#oc#oc artwork#commission#commission art#commissions are open#commission advertising#mlp mentioned#mlp
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Answer some or all I wanna know more about you 👁️👁️
Do you have freckles?
Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it?
What was the last song you listened to?
Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side?
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Do you prefer drawing or writing?
What’s your ideal number of blankets to sleep with?
What’s your favorite band/artist?
When is your birthday?
How tall are you?
What color are your eyes?
Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now?
Fears?
What’s your favorite color?
What’s your favorite season?
Want any tattoos? What of?
Want any piercings? Where?
Who is the last person you texted?
Do you have a best friend? How long have you been friends?
What/who do you miss?
How was your day today?
How much sleep did you get last night?
Do you believe in aliens?
When was the last time you cried? Why?
What’s your favorite decade?
What are some seemingly childish things you like?
What’s your favorite book? Or just one you’ve read a few times?
How are you, really?
Does it take you a long time to make decisions?
What are you looking forward to in the near future?
What are you looking forward to in the distant future?
If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?
Do you sleep with your door open or closed?
What’s your favorite flower?
Do you currently have a squish?
Do you like your middle name?
Do you prefer dogs or cats?
Do you have any phobias?
Do you stay up late?
Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy?
What’s your favorite cartoon?
Tag 5 of your favorite blogs
Do you have siblings? How many?
Who was the last person you said “I love you” to?
Is there anyone you would die for?
What do you need when you’re sad?
Have you memorized your phone number?
Who’s someone you can trust with your life?
What does your last text say?
Wild Card. Any question, ask away.
Alright, ill try lmao
1.no, i dont have freckles!
2. I WISHED i found Coffee and tea good because its so aesthetic but it tastes bad imo
3. I checked my spotify and its girls just wanna have fun by cyndi lauper so i suppose its that
4.i move a lot but i usually end up on my side.
5. I move too much to sleep with a lot of them because they always end up on the floor. Although i do sleep with my malleus plushie.
6. Thats a hard one, because i do both. Though i think of writing as my primary hobby/eventual job, i definitely have more fun drawing(until art Block comes knocking that is)
7.depends on the thickness. Right now i have three eith two being thin and one being medium, but i could sleep with one really thick one.
8. Mitski!!! I love her so much. Otherwise I like mother mother and marina
9.the third of november!
10. 154 cm or 5 feet. No that is not short
11. Blue-grey-kaki. I like to think of them as blue.
12. All my mutuals, all my irls, my mom, my dad, and my little sister
13. Abandonnent, failure, the future in general.
14. Yellow and light blue!
15.fall! Its so pretty
16. Im not sure yet but i can maybe have someday a small tattoo. Im not a fan of qhoel body tattoos for myself.
17. Well my ears a pierced but im not gonna get more.
18. My two irls! Talking about not getting neuvillette in gneshin ;-;(and murder)
19. I dont have a best friend per se, although i do have a closest friend. Weve been friends for at least three years(already? Damn)
20. Honestly i miss my first mutual on here. I hope they come back soon ;-;
21. It just started but its been pretty good up til now!
22. About 9-10 hours?
23. I mean, there is bound to be other forms of life in space, just thousands of lightyears away.
24. Monday cause my friend said she didnt think we were friends.
25. Id say 1890 to 1900? Though the living conditions were meh i like the aesthetic
26. Generally being silly ig? I suppose i act childihs as a comic relief.
27. Currently my favorite book(s) is the Truly Devious series by Maureen Johnson! It's been clawing it's way into my brain.
28. I'm actually doing quite fine. I'm a bit stressed since i'm going to boston soon but i can push out the bad thoughts!
29. I usually procrastinate decisions as far as possible. If it's a small one maybe like 2 minutes but if it's bigger ones it'll take longer(with the answer being no a lot)
30. Something i'm dreading but also am excited for is summer! Bye school but hello summer job ;-;
31. My irls and i(can i really call them irls? i met only two of them irl and once or twice. anyways-) are planning a roadtrip after we're all 18(aka in a bit more than 4 years)!
32. Either my friend's (irls+ moots) houses or in paris. I've always wanted to see paris.
33.open, my cats need to be free to walk in and out!
34. sunflowers and roses(i have a list on the meaning of each rose color) daisies are also cute.
35. i...guess? i own a banana shaped stress ball(that is very dirty i dont use it much) but idk if it counts as a squish.
36. yes, almost more than my first name. although my first and second name are kinda in the same name. it's like first name-second name.
37.cats!!! I have two(named chicken nugget and nebraska)(my family also owns dogs but oh well)
38. I'm a bit scared of heights but i wouldn't say i have a phobia
39. i usually go to sleep at 10:30 pm on weekdays, and 11:00-11:00 on weekends(when i don't have to wake up early due to sunday class)
40.Although i haven't been to a real beach a lot, i like it! And i always prefer sunny days so sun it is(to experience sunset on a beach... must be the dream)
41. I'd say the owl house! It's so colorful with two of my main kins.
42. @xen-blank @thehollowwriter @quartztwst @boopshoops @saionjeans (so sorry for the tag non-moots! Also i would've included all my moots but it said five ;-;)
43. Yes, i have five siblings! One oldest sister, two older brother, a little brother and the baby of the family, my little sister. i have middle child syndrome.
44. Either my mom or my little sister. I hug and say i love you to them very often. Or i said it to malleus last. One of them.
45. Tbh i have no idea in which circomstances i would die for something. maybe if i could trade my life with someone's close to me. or for peace on earth idk.
46. a big ol hug from my malleus plushie. it's a real emotional support.
47. no i have not. or maybe i did. i will probably forget it soon.
48. my two parents absolutely.
49."I wish to expérience it someday" (speaking of old lady gossip)
50. can i send you the same questions? :3
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Louis Tomlinson brings Faith In The Future tour to Oregon!
Louis Tomlinson - June 27th, 2023 - Mcmenamins Edgefield , Troutdale, OR
British musician Louis Tomlinson recently brought his Faith in The Future tour to one of Oregon’s most spectacular outdoor concert venues at the McMenamins Edgefield. The concert grounds were located on the field of their 74 acre property that can seat up to 7,000 concertgoers per show. One thing I always enjoy about Louis Tomlinson gigs are that the openers are always amazing - at our show we got to see incredible opening performance from Andrew Cushin and The Snuts.
First to perform was Andrew Cushin with just his guitar and a keyboardist. Cushin had freshly released his song “It’s Coming Round Again” just two hours before taking the stage, which had him pretty animated through out his entire set. Many fans showed up early and braved the harsh sunlight during his set which goes to show how good of a performance he puts on.
After a short change over, The Snuts took the stage. The four-piece Scottish band has a classic indie rock sound that you’ll be a fan of if you like artists such as The Wombats, The Kooks, and Catfish & The Bottlemen. I’m certain many concert goers who went into the show knowing nothing about The Snuts left as brand new fans - people were singing along to their songs like “Always” and “Hallelujah Moment” and dancing along even when they didn’t know the lyrics.
Anticipation was high as Louis Tomlinson took the stage right as the golden sun rays peeked through the trees. Adorned with a pair of Ray-Bans and a bright yellow Jamaican football jersey, the screams were at an all time high. He opened the show with “The Greatest,” which also happens to be the opening song of his second studio album Faith In The Future that was released in 2022.
You can tell how much thought Louis and his team put into making sure this tour would be one the crowds will remember for a lifetime. The production was a huge step up from his previous tour, with LED screens hanging from the ceiling of the stage and pyro that went off a handful of times. It was fun to sit back and watch the show - there wasn’t a bad seat in the venue. Throughout the night Tomlinson took time to sign fans’ signs when he found them funny, and would occasionally flip fans off which has become more of an inside joke with fans that he’s done throughout his career.
Alongside his impressive touring band, the 31-year-old singer-songwriter performed a total of 23 songs, mostly from his first studio album Walls and his most recent album Faith In The Future (even performing some of the songs from the bonus version of the album that was released this year). But Tomlinson didn’t stop there - we also got to hear a couple of One Direction songs and the cherry on top was his cover of Arctic Monkeys’ song “505.” I personally would love to see him explore the Rock/British Rock genre a little deeper, as it suits his voice so well and you can tell he is heavily inspired by bands within this scene. One of my favorite aspects of Louis Tomlinson concerts is that they feel curated by Tomlinson himself - the pre-show playlists, the openers, the production, and even the merch. It’s truly been a pleasure getting to witness Tomlinson’s musical growth and creativity since the disbanding of One Direction.
The night ended with Tomlinson’s final encore song of the night, “Silver Tongues,” where the singer made his way down to the barricade to interact with fans as red streaming confetti into the crowd further back. This moment surely left the show on a high note.
Louis Tomlinson will be touring through North America til July, then will be heading back overseas to finish up the world tour in Europe and United Kingdom. You can find out if a show is coming near you on his site here.
Photos by Sarina Solem
Photos part 2
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The Puppy and the Panda
SUMMARY: L has 23 days left to live and Matsuda wants to spend them all with him. Can Matsuda help him open up and have fun for these remaining days or will L end up wallowing in his lonesome? (Loosely based on movie ending where L wins)
Warnings: Eventual Character Death
Rating: Teen
Pairings: L x Matsuda
Main tags: Major Character Death • Slow Burn • Friends to Lovers • L Wins • Hanging Out • Tsundere L • Touch Starved L • Holding Hands • Kissing • Pining • Fluff and Angst • Plushies • Emotional Hurt/Comfort • Name-Calling • Teasing • Coping • Demiromantic L • Mentions of Death • annoyance to lovers
🐶-Chapter 2: Thought this place was perfect! - Day 4 - 🐼
Chapter Summary: - Day 4 - After failing with the first option, Matsuda finds the perfect spot to hang out with L.
Word Count: 3,003
Matsuda eagerly waited for L to meet him at the designated location he told via call. He was hoping he wouldn’t be stood up. If L even tried to be late, not only would he be hurt, but also frustrated as that would more than likely mean he’s picked his nose into a new case. He specifically chose a few hours before closing so there would be no noisy patrons left. He lifted his arm up to look at the time, “5 minutes til…” he looked around, still no one in sight. He let out a sigh as he waited. Swaying side to side out of boredom. Maybe he was getting too ahead of himself asking for essentially a date with L. After all, he seemed pretty annoyed with the entire prospect to begin with. However, the negative thoughts soon dissipate as a cab car rolls in. Matsuda excitedly bounces in place before heading to the car. This has to be him!
L steps out, an unamused look on his face, as per usual. He looks at the location behind Matsuda and then narrows his eyes, “I wouldn’t say the aquarium is the quietest place.”
“At this hour it is! Trust me!” he rubs the back of his head, “I’ve been here before! It’s fun, you’ll see!”
“Fun, hmm? To see creatures stuck in stuffy tanks far away from their natural habitat? Doesn’t sound the most intriguing.”
Matsuda droops, head fallen, “When you put it like that…” he frowns. “Heh…is this the point where you’ll say ‘Matsuda, you idiot’ ?” He looks sadly up through his bangs.
“Good you understand.” He puts his hands in his pockets.
“Uhm well…Did…did you still want to go in?”
“Not in particular.”
Matsuda’s nerves got the better of him. He thought he planned the perfect date and here it is now fully ruined with just a single comment. He was stupid to think L would like this. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. The screw up as usual. How could he expect anything different with L? He could never please him…He gritted his teeth in frustration.
“Are you alright?” L tilts his head, curiously.
“I just…I thought I found somewhere fun and you’ve already rejected it.” He looks crestfallen.
L watches the defeated looking man, “Well, I suppose I should—“
“NO!” He blurts out and reaches out a hand for him to wait. “Maybe I can find something better for us to do?”
“If you can think one up.” His face read as though he hoped there wouldn’t be. Perhaps it wasn’t best to keep prying him. No. He couldn’t give in. He wanted L to have fun! He needs to see the world outside of his little monitor room.
“O-okay, I got this!” He looks around. What else can we do that’d be similar? He would rather see animals in their natural habitat right? He takes L’s hand in his, “Okay, I know just the place. Come on!”
L looks at Matsuda’s hand and then up at him.
“Oh! Sorry.” He lets go with an apologetic look on his face.
“It’s alright…”
“Still, please. Follow me?” He gestures for him to follow.
L sighs and walks in his usual hunched manner in the direction Matsuda was headed.
After about a 10 minute walk, they reach a park. Birds are seen flying around, swans swimming across the lake, and rabbits bouncing around. Perfect!
“How about this?” He looks proudly at L. “Not too many people here this late. And look! Lots of animals in their natural habitat! No worries here!”
L looks around and gives a small smile, “I suppose this could work.” He wouldn’t dare admit it, but the park was always some place he did enjoy to go when he had no current cases eating up his time.
Matsuda takes it as approval and smiles wide, “Great! We could walk around? Or we could rent a boat to go across the lake! Oo, or we could get some ice cream at the stall over there. Eh? Eh?” He gives his elbow a little nudge at L.
“After my sweet tooth now, are we?” He hums and walks over to it. The stall has various flavors listed on a chalkboard with cute little drawings around the edges. So many options to choose from.
“Hmm…Maybe I’ll do the hojicha.” Matsuda thinks out loud. “Which do you want?” He pulls out his wallet.
L looks over all the options. If there was any way Matsuda was sure to win over L’s friendship for good, it was by satiating his sweet cravings, it was also the only thing he was for sure never berated about.
“Chocolate.”
Matsuda nods and orders the two ice creams. After a few short minutes he’s given both cones, then grabs some wipes and napkins as well. He gives the chocolate ice cream over to L, “Here you go!”
L licked his lips, it looked quite delicious, he had to admit. He took it in hand and immediately went to town licking up the sweet treat.
Matsuda smiles and gestures for him to follow to sit on one of the nearby park benches. He waits for L to get himself comfortable before starting up on his own ice cream.
It was fairly quiet. The occasional bird chirps circling the air as the breeze slowly swayed the trees. The two ate in silence, admiring the view of the park. He wasn’t protesting, so this seems to be okay, at least for now.
As L was nearing completion of his ice cream, he became increasingly aware of the sticky feeling of ice cream that melted down onto his fingers. He let out a slightly frustrated sound as licking it up didn’t get rid of the sensation.
“Here, I have a wet wipe.” Matsuda offers. He bites down on his own unfinished ice cream cone, in order to free his hands, and opens the small package. He takes L’s hand gently in his own and wipes up the remaining mess.
L looked at him slightly wide eyed as Matsuda held his hand. It was a strange feeling having him touch him but he wasn’t about to protest as he’d finally get rid of that damned feeling, after all. He watched on as Matsuda finished cleaning it up. “Thank you.” L replied softly before retracting his hands and resting them on top of his own knees. What a strange sensation, he thought.
Matsuda smiled, “All better then?”
L nodded and looked away. He didn’t understand the weird feeling bubbling in his stomach. He tried to calm himself by looking at the squirrel currently in the process of climbing up the tree.
Matsuda’s eyes followed his, “What’s your favorite animal, Ryuzaki?”
“My favorite?” He ponders, “I suppose I never put much thought into it.”
“What? Really? Anyone who's anyone has a favorite animal!” Matsuda protests back.
L watches the squirrel reach the top of the trunk before curling in a little, “I just never put much thought into such things.”
“I see…” Matsuda watched the grass move with the wind before replying again, “I really like pandas!”
“And why is that?”
“Have you seen one? They’re so cute!” He giggles. “They look so fluffy!”
“So you only like it because it’s cute?”
He shakes his head and turns a little to look at L, “I just think they’re neat. Did you know they cover their eyes when they don’t want to look threatening?”
“Is that so?”
“Mm! Many think they have a sixth finger but it’s actually like an opposable paw heel. It isn’t actually a joint.” He swings his legs a little as he talks.
“What else do you know?”
Matsuda holds a finger up, “Well, they eat a lot of bamboo, but they aren’t actually vegetarians.” He waves his finger no, “If they wanted to, they could eat fruit and even meat too!”
“Matsuda seems quite knowledgeable about pandas.”
“Mhm! And! And! Did you know that pandas don’t hibernate?”
“Matsuda is filled with small facts.” He says with a faint smile.
Matsuda lights up and nods.
“If only you showed that same enthusiasm and memory in the case…”
“Aww, don’t kill the mood here.” He puffs his cheeks.
“Very well. Very well.” L thinks about it. “I suppose…something as simple as a dog.”
“Oh? Okay, why?” He gives L his full attention.
“Because they are loyal. They’ll do whatever you ask of them.” He gives Matsuda a knowing look, “Unlike Matsuda who can’t follow a simple order without making a mess.”
“You’re never gonna let up on that, are you?” He huffs.
“Someone needs to put you in your place.” He jests.
Matsuda leans back against the park bench and looks up at the sky. “What’s your favorite time of the day?”
“Hmm? I like when it's sunset. It looks beautiful out.”
“We should watch it together then, won’t be long!” He smiles and gives a little stretch. “How about your favorite season?”
“I suppose Spring. It’s when things come alive and when cherry blossom sweets are in season. I’m quite fond of the mochi nearby, for it.” He puts his fingertip to his lip. Just the thought alone had him craving some.
Matsuda looks at him overfilled with joy, “Yeah? We could pick some up on the way back then. Maybe we have more in common than we thought!”
“I would appreciate that.” He laughs and looks out at the sky, “Our preferences in weather is hardly an indication—“
“Oh stop with that!” He pouts. “Is it that bad to bond with me?”
“Not entirely, I guess…”
Matsuda sits upright, “You mean that?”
L strums his fingers on his knees. “I know I have a propensity for lying, but I’m not at this current moment.”
Matsuda smiles again, “Well, thank you, Ryuzaki. I’m happy to hear that.” He felt just a fraction closer to him. Whatever little bit helped, he was going to crack that surface inch by inch.
L looks out at the lake, “Would a ride on the lake be alright?”
Matsuda nods enthusiastically. Finally L was wanting to do things! “Of course!” He stands up and offers his hand to L.
L looks at it and stands up of his own accord, causing a slight frown out of Matsuda. The two walk over to the kiosk to rent out the little boat and then head over to their designated one. “Go ahead.” He gestures for L to sit first.
L gets in and to no surprise, sits in his usual frog-like way. Matsuda gets in shortly after and grabs the oars. “I’ll row us out.” L doesn’t respond but he watches as Matsuda rows them out to reach the middle of the lake.
Matsuda puts the oars down, “How’s this?”
“This will do.” The two sit in silence, admiring the nature around them. The longer they idle in the boat, the more the sky slowly starts to change as the sun begins to set.
“It’s beautiful from here.” Matsuda says softly, as if speaking too loud would ruin the moment.
L nods as he continues to look up. There almost seems to be a sparkle in his eye. Matsuda can’t help but feel his heart pang a little when he takes a peep to look at him. The sunset, sure it was beautiful, but seeing L serene like this? Priceless.
L eventually turns his gaze back to Matsuda, “Is there a reason you’re looking at me?”
Matsuda startles a little, not expecting to be put on the spot. He rubs the back of his head and looks up at the sky to calm himself. “I just think that it’s nice seeing you look at peace. You always look so stressed. So it’s nice.”
“Hmm…If you put it that way, I suppose.”
Matsuda laughs awkwardly and continues to look up. He could never admit to L that he harbored an inkling of feelings for him. If L didn’t even see him as a friend…no way would he even inclinate that. He buried those feelings deep down, the last thing he’d want is to pressure him into anything. He already sort of was by getting him out of that office to hang out. If anything, Matsuda was content if he could establish a genuine friendship with L. That was his hope.
The sunset continues to stretch oranges and pinks across the sky til it slowly fades into darkness as the sun fully sets. Matsuda looks back at L. “Did you enjoy the view?”
“Yes. Beautiful as ever.” He smiles.
I enjoyed the view of you too, Matsuda thought. “Well, we should head out. We can go get you some of that mochi.”
L agrees and Matsuda rows themselves back over to land and is the first to get out. Matsuda doesn’t offer his hand this time for L, as the detective seemed to not be fond of the physical contact, but he watches on in case he will have to assist. L stands with ease and goes to get out but trips a little as he tries to step over the boat’s edge and onto the dock. Matsuda quickly catches him with his arm and helps him back up, “Whoa, that was close.”
L’s eyes widened at the abrupt exchange. Nearly shaking at the sudden physical contact and himself almost tripping. He shakes it off and pushes Matsuda off of him, “Thank you.” He mumbles and walks on ahead. He’s too touchy-feely.
Matsuda frowns at the awkward interaction but follows along next to him. “How far is the place?”
“Not far. A few blocks down.”
“Mm, okay.”
Silence. They walk next to each other without saying a word. It seemed L, even outside of work, wasn’t much for words. Or perhaps, just none for Matsuda.
They finally reach the shop and L is practically salivating. The mochi are on full display from the window. Matsuda opens the door for him to head inside.
When they walk in, there is an intense smell of sweetness wafting through the air. Definitely L’s cup of tea. L looks over the selection with a twinkle in his eye. Looking just like any kid in a candy store. How cute. Matsuda cleared his throat at the thought and walked closer to him, “Pick whichever you’d like. I’ll pay for them.”
“Matsuda is being quite hospitable today.”
“Well friends can want to treat other friends out.” He gives a small smile.
“Not one for subtlety are you?” he looks back at the display and points to some chocolates and the sakura mochi. Matsuda acknowledges and orders them at the register for him. The cashier gives him the bag filled with the sweets and Matsuda gestures with his head for L to follow him outside.
“I’m guessing you’ll want to head back? Now that it’s getting late…”
“Don’t sound so disappointed.” L reaches for the bag.
Matsuda turns himself slightly away from L’s reach, “Do you see me as a friend now?”
L stares at him for a moment. “There is a 5% chance…”
“5% as in really 5% or 95%?”
L pursed his lips.
“Well?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Come on, don’t be mean. I treated you to a lot of things today.” He looks him over, “The least you could do is be honest with me.”
L looks away as if scolded, he shifts slightly as if uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to—“
“95%”
“Huh?”
“Don’t make me say it again.” He mumbles.
Matsuda’s eyes light up and he hands him the bag, “I’m glad!”
L quickly takes it and pulls out the mochi to eat, “No need to get that excited.”
“But you acknowledge me as a friend now, how can I not be?”
“Does Matsuda not have many friends?”
“Huh? What’s that accusation?” He huffs, “I have plenty. Do you?”
L grows silent, pausing from eating the mochi. He looks down at the ground, “Light was considered my first friend…”
“Then I’m your second?”
“No.” He continues to look down. “While Light was an interesting man. I never saw him as a true friend. That was merely an act to get close to him…”
“So he wasn’t your first?” He scratches his head a little confused, “So you lied about that?”
“Yes…” he looks back up, “You would be the first…” he makes a slight groan, “I suppose… genuine friend.”
Matsuda’s heart beat quicker, his cheeks burning slightly, “R-really? Me?” He points to himself.
“Yes. My friendship to Light was fake. Unlike with him, I chose this one of my own accord, even outside of your continuous nagging.”
“So when I asked for friendship, you actually took it seriously?” He coaxes on.
“Matsuda was kind to me even with how I am. I…I felt it alright to…open up slightly.”
“Really?” He blushed more and tried to contain his happiness, “I’m glad I was able to get you to feel safe enough to open up even a pinch.” He pinches his fingers to elucidate the point further.
“Thank you, Matsuda.”
“Thank you?” He laughs, “No need to thank me for something like this.”
The two walked back to HQ from there, a little bit closer than earlier. L was his friend. Not as a pretend one either. He admitted to opening a little too! Matsuda’s heart felt so warm. He wanted the moment to last forever.
“Well, I have other things to attend to tonight. Good night, Matsuda.” He said as he reached the door.
“Huh? So soon?”
“Needn’t fret. I surmise you will come up with something else fun tomorrow?”
Matsuda smiled brightly at the thought, “You bet! See you tomorrow, Ryuzaki.”
“Goodnight, Touta .” L walks into the building with his sweet bag in tow, leaving Matsuda with his jaw dropped. He actually called him by his first name! That only settled it further. L meant it with their friendship. He felt more excited as he started to walk back to his home, ready to concoct the next date.
—————————
⬅️ Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 ➡️
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can give you an idea of their meetups these are the ones we know about plus one controversial one that I believe is worth mentioning to either prove or disprove definitively. please feel free to add any ones missing or correct any mistakes as I'm doing this from memory
2022
Feb: Valentine's day week
March: England, on separate streams they both said they decided to go at the last minute, they were spotted alone together in a video with a fan
April: LA
May: LA again with foolish after his nc/florida roadtrip
June: New York where they were spotted by a fan alone shopping (there's a clip of it somewhere on twitter), Tinacon, karl was also in LA prior to Tinacon but no idea how many times they met up during that time
July: Tinacon continued, LoL tournament in Las Vegas, on a foolish fall guys stream tina talked about going to nc for karl's bday but for some reason this didn't happen
August: Tina went to NC
Sept: Tina went to New York followed by Karl a few days later, people say he was busy working but one of the otv vlogs showed he was with their group, LA again for Name Your Price, Karl was in LA a while before leaving to England
Oct: after getting back from England late sept karl went straight back to LA and didn't leave until mid Oct, early oct he announced getting a place in la within days of tina announcing moving there at the end of sept.
Dec: the controversial one that is NOT PROVEN, but it is believed by some that she flew to portland to spend time with karl and his family between dec 14-17th (that's the week they celebrated christmas), those who believe this theory point to several things such as tina saying she was going to be unavailable, then several hours later someone on twitter saying they spotted her at lax on the 14th, her being absent from all social media and even discord during that time, as well as karl streaming from her room on the 17th saying he just got off a plane an hour ago suggesting they flew back together and then went straight to her place. also they spent the 17-23/24th together. again the portland meetup is a theory, nobody actually knows where she was during that time.
2023
Feb: Valentines week NC, tina stayed at karls house
March: around 9/10 karl went to la and didn't leave for 2 weeks
April: early april karl went to la again stayed a few days, then flew back with tina to nc she again stayed at his house, then in late april tina flew to japan to see him
May: karl and tina stay almost the entire first week of may in japan
June: 6/7 karl flies to la to watch spiderman with her and leaves after only being there two days, we know this because they told the same story about the movie experience they had watching it, neither knew the other told the story and neither mentioned the other was there. then they met up sometime around the 18th of june again and hung out til the end of vidcon where he briefly left to go with mr beast before coming back on the 28th and staying through july 6/7
July: stayed until the last possible moment before leaving to pack for paris, tina then flies on the 18th to nc to spend time with him on his bday, again staying at his house
August: 7-12th from what I've seen others mention
those are the ones I'm aware of between 2022 and now... with maybe one or two missing in september of 2022 and possibly others missing as well. I'm sure someone else with more knowledge can fill you on on 2021
wow anon this is so good. they really do meet at least once a month but usually twice a month. that's quite telling cause karl is always travelling but he makes time for her.
would love to know more about 2021 if anyone knows the lore
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20 Questions for Fic Writers
thanks @justhallucinating for the tag 🫡🫡🫡
1. How many works do you have on ao3?
23 atm but i'm planning at posting more
2. What's your total ao3 word count?
129,910 ☠️
3. What fandoms do you write for?
right now for peaky blinders but i used to be very deep in the rolling stones and mcu (and i still am just doesn't feel like writing for them)
4. Top five fics by kudos
If There Is A Will, There Is A Way (mcu)
don't feed me, I will сome back (pb)
like real people do (pb)
Don't Forget to Subscribe (mcu fic that i translated to russian like 8 years ago ☠️)
lavender (pb)
5. Do you respond to comments?
YES I LIVE ON THEM AND SCREENSHOT THEM AND LOOK AT THEM FOR MOTIVATION
but i used to be bad at responding tho cuz i was too shy ig
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
love is the death of duty but only because it's an open kinda ending. but i'm your man which is the ongoing fic i just finished and posted 1st chaper of broke my heart when i wrote the ending
7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
pretty much all of them, apart from the ones i mentioned have a happy ending
8. Do you get hate on fics?
no which im really happy about
9. Do you write smut?
yes
10. Craziest crossover?
i haven't done any crossovers
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?
no thank god
12. Have you ever had a fic translated?
no but i did
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?
kinda if dumping fic info to @justhallucinating counts
14. All time favorite ship?
tommy/alfie and mick/keith. but. hear me out. that's might be controversial. but i'm stony shipper since the first time i saw avengers. i'm a stony shipper til the day i die. also wolfstar but mainly because fics are just too good (fuck jkr btw)
15. What's a wip you want to finish but you doubt you ever will?
i so many but i can only think of two.
the 1st on is about modern tommy and alfie meeting at the margate's beach where alfie sees tommy walking his cat (yes dangerous is a bengal cat in this one) on a leash. also alfie went to margate to rest after chemo and tommy went there cuz his family talked him into taking some rest after he broke his scull.
the 2nd one is tommy and alfie meeting via chess app. and then they meet irl but alfie doesn't realise it cuz he never saw tommy's photos but tommy did. and he decided to not tell alfie that it's him and suffers greatly cuz of it
16. What are your writing strengths?
god idk i wish someone would tell me that. smut comes very easily, dialogs too
17. What are your writing weaknesses?
HAVING. TOO. MANY. WIPS.
also i struggle with not established relationships like how the fuck i supposed to get those idiots together
18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?
i sometimes put russian words in when i write alfie cuz well i know russian, he knows russian, so why not
and i don't mind it if it's in the fic i read until it's not like in the first pages of war and peace which is a crime against humanity. but well i haven't seen fics like that yet
19. First fandom you wrote in?
harry potter ☠️ (FUCK jkr)
20. Favorite fic you've written?
it's either places we came from cuz HELLO? BOTTOM ALFIE TO THE MASSES 2024 or don't feed me, I will come back which is the 1st one from baker!alfie au
that was really fun!! thanks again
tagging: @gimmeaglimmer @rysko
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