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use-your-telescope · 7 months

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When Everything's Made to be Broken - Chapter 5: I'm Looking for a Sign

Summary: Theo begins the onboarding process for becoming an Avenger, and finds some time to sneak away.

Author's Notes: Sorry this is so late in the day! It has been a hectic weekend. This chapter (and the next) really focus on Theo, so there isn't much Loki... but he will be back soon!

If you enjoy, please reblog!! I'm a lil' blog (less than 100 followers, haha) and reblogs really help me out <3 Also, feel free to send me a message or comment if you want to be added to the tag list.

Next chapter should be coming November 12th!

Content Warnings: Canon-typical fighting (there's a training session).

Word Count: 5,525

Read on AO3 | When Everything's Made to be Broken Masterlist

Song: Good to Be Alive - PVRIS

Learning how to swim but the lands are dry Feeling like a shark, If I stop I'll die Things are lit and the blood's on fire Underneath the buzz of the telephone wire All my friends are doing fine While I’m looking for a sign Is this body even mine? Feels good to be alive but I hate my life

Onboarding with the Avengers was akin to drinking from a firehose.

Every waking moment was full - between orientation at the SHIELD Hospital, procedural trainings, mission briefings, and combat simulations, Theo hardly had a moment to breathe, much less think.

Either way, Theo had no interest in showing that the rapid pace was throwing her off her game. Instead, she bit her tongue and kept her wits about her, vigilant for even the slightest indication that something was amiss. Theo wouldn’t speak unless spoken to, and if spoken to she gave the impression of polite compliance - now that she was in the thick of things, stirring the pot would only make it harder to get this over with.

However, there was one element which she protested… Despite her insistence otherwise, part of Theo’s onboarding required being equipped with new armor.

She hadn’t needed armor before, so it seemed silly. If anything, she needed clothes that let her move freely and without detection. However, Fury insisted that Theo needed additional protection in the event that her magic wasn’t enough. The result was Theo, standing in Tony Stark’s lab, regretting every decision that led her to that moment as the overly smug engineer combed over her appearance with a shit eating grin.

“So, Rapunzel-” Tony leaned back against a table in his lab, crossing his arms. “I hear you need some armor.”

“That depends on who you ask.” Theo’s eyes scanned the room as she crossed her arms, leaning her weight on one foot. “Fury sure thinks so. I’m not convinced.”

It seemed like a standard engineering lab. A mixture of concrete, steel, and glass surrounded them, while harsh lights glared down from above. Scattered around the lab were more computers and machines than anyone knew what to do with, and various employees mulling about as they worked on assorted tasks. One person sautered metal, while another ran tests on what Theo could only assume was the newest rendition of Tony’s infamous suit. Clattering keys, clanking metal, and multiple beeps echoed throughout the sterile space. A metallic smell, tinged with chemicals and burning filled the air.

“Well, that’s where I come in.” Tony winked, picking up some kind of glass tablet and waving it at her. “If you ask nicely, I might even let you customize it.”

Theo rolled her eyes. “Asking you nicely sounds like too much work.”

“Don’t listen to him.” A woman appeared from around the corner, walking up to the pair with a swagger and a blinding smile that contrasted her umber skin. Her braided hair was twisted up into space buns, which combined with her brightly colored outfit made it painfully obvious just who Theo was speaking to. “I’ll make you better armor, and I’ll let you add whatever features you want without having to ask.”

Shuri Udaku, the princess of Wakanda.

For the first time that Theo could remember, she was, officially, starstruck.

“We haven’t officially met…” Theo offered a wry smile and nod to the princess, doing her best to keep her cool.

“I’m Shuri, princess of Wakanda and head of the Wakandan Design Group.” She stuck a hand out to shake, smiling brightly with just a hint of something amusing in her eyes. “Colonizing gave him a big ego, but what he would make is nothing compared to what I can make you.”

Theo couldn’t stifle the laugh that bubbled out of her from the dig at Tony.

“Oh, I like you. I’m Theo.” She took Shuri’s hand, offering a firm shake while praying her hands weren’t too sweaty.

Tony pouted, giving Shuri a dirty look; Shuri smirked at him.

“So what does this armor making process entail?” Theo glanced between the pair, waiting for further instruction.

“First, we’ll have you spar with one of our guys; get a sense for your style. From there, we’ll draw up a base set. You’ll give it a trial run, push the boundaries so we can see what works and what needs adjusting.” Tony explained, watching Theo as she continued observing her surroundings. “Then, we’ll make a final version.”

“Okay…” Given Shuri’s comments on building better armor, Theo suspected Shuri wasn’t her partner. Then again, it didn’t look like anyone there was ready to practice fighting - certainly none of the lab staff, who all but ignored Theo’s presence. Maybe she would be fighting Tony or one of his robots?

“Okay what?” Tony tapped on the tablet a few times.

“Am I sparring now?” Theo raised her eyebrows at him expectantly as she shrugged, glancing around the room. “I don’t see anyone who looks like they’re ready to fight, much less a space to fight in. Unless you want me to break your equipment, which is probably pretty expensive… Then again, you’re the Avengers’ Sugar Daddy. It’s probably pocket change for you to replace these.”

Shuri snorted at Theo’s comment.

“You’re not fighting here.” Tony rolled his eyes, pressing away from the table and gesturing for Theo to follow. “We have a training lab. Your partner will meet you there.”

That explained why she was told to come to the lab in clothes she could exercise in. Theo trailed behind, almost having to jog in order to keep up with Tony. “Who am I sparring against?”

Tony stopped in front of a door, pressing some sort of code into a keypad on the wall. The door hissed as it slid open, revealing none other than Captain America himself.

Oh shit.

Steve smiled, waving to the trio as they entered. Theo, on the other hand, froze in place, her stomach dropping into her feet. Couldn’t they have picked someone with magic, at least?

“He’ll go easy on you to start.” Tony winked, turning to lead them into another room.

Theo’s face must have betrayed her reaction - this was not going to go well, but not for the reason Tony Stark thought.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Theo gulped, eyes darting between the others.

“We’ll start simple.” Steve reassured her, following along with the group.

Fury must have held back on explaining Theo’s abilities if he was so calm about their impending duel.

The room that Tony brought them to was empty, save for a collection of cameras around the room and a table filled with sheets of stickers, each no larger than a pea. Mats covered the floor, presumably so that anyone who went down fighting was less likely to be hurt.

Cute, but a few mats weren’t going to be much help when it came to fighting a mage.

“So, how this works: the cameras will track your motion.” After gesturing to cameras around the room, Tony held up a sheet of stickers. ”These will be stuck to you so we can get a sense of your movements. You fight, then we use the data to design your gear.”

The thought of sensors stuck all over her body made her cringe. Of the many roles she expected to fill, lab rat was not one of them.

Fury fucking owed her for this.

“Oh joy...” Theo sighed, resigning herself to her fate. “Fine, let’s do this.”

Shuri brushed past Tony, grabbing the sensors. “I will handle this - I have just the touch.” She smirked at Theo. As she began to place the sensors, she leaned into Theo and whispered, “Kick his ass - I can fix broken white boys.”

Yes, Shuri was her kind of person.

Theo snickered, but held still so Shuri could continue placing sensors. Shuri made quick work of the task, her touch gentle but firm as she secured each device to Theo’s skin.

Once all the sensors were in place, they were ready to begin.

“In the interest of full disclosure, I’ve never ‘just sparred’ before.” Theo spoke up, circling around Steve.

She absolutely had sparred before - hundreds of times. But this way, if she accidentally went too far, she had an excuse. Besides, Steve didn’t have magic, and only fought with a shield.

Really, this was not a fair fight.

“I’m durable, don’t worry.” Steve offered a charming smile. “I can do this all day.”

Theo shook her head, gesturing with one hand to conjure her weapon. Runes slid down her arm, twisting around each other in the air until a blade of shadow appeared in her hand. “I’ve dulled my weapon so it’s not going to slice you open, at least.”

“Awfully kind,” Steve winked, lowering himself into a ready stance. “Ladies first.”

Well, here goes nothing.

Theo took a deep breath, stepping forward and offering the first swing.

Steve leapt back, darting forward to attempt a blow of his own.

Theo nimbly jumped to the side, swinging her blade down and landing clean on Steve’s back.

As Steve was knocked to the ground he spun around, attempting to kick out Theo’s feet from beneath her.

Theo leapt over his kick, pressing forward to a somersault in time to pop up and block a punch, taking another swing with her blade.

The two fell into a rhythm of trading blows. Steve certainly had his merits as a fighter - if they were in hand-to-hand combat, he easily could have kicked her ass. But this wasn’t hand to hand combat - Theo had her weapon to give her some distance, and if nothing else she was damn good at dodging anything and everything that attempted to hurt or kill her.

If this was all that was involved, she could do this all day… Well, as long as her lungs held up okay.

“Are you going to use any of your magic?” Steve grunted, dodging a blow from Theo as he kicked at her.

“I try to only use it against other magic users.” Theo replied, bringing her blade down to block the kick.

As if he took Theo’s response as a challenge, Steve picked up the pace. Still, Theo had yet to break a sweat. What she lacked in brute strength, she more than made up for in endurance and agility.

The sensation of being watched by someone new led Theo to do a scan of her surroundings as she blocked a punch from Steve.

Her instinct was spot on - not just one person, but three new people. Maybe it was a bit of ego, or a flair for the dramatic, but if there was a larger audience… Well, Theo could show off a little bit and it wouldn’t hurt anyone.

“It seems we have an audience…” Theo commented, tumbling backwards before teleporting behind Steve and hitting him from behind.

“I thought you didn’t use magic against non-magic users.” Steve coughed, then spun around to find her smirking at him.

Steve threw a punch, only to have it go right through her - it was an illusion. He frantically scanned the room again to find Theo leaning up against the wall, arms crossed as she dangled her sword from her right hand.

“Well, we have an audience.” She repeated with a wry shrug, pointing to the new arrivals with her blade. “Can’t let the new girl disappoint.”

Standing in the entrance, Wanda, Bucky, and Loki watched the two spar. Wanda appeared to be amused by the interaction; Bucky was laughing at Steve, and Loki…

Well, Theo wasn’t sure if he was amused, unimpressed, or bored.

“Alright, so this should get interesting now, right?” Steve turned to face Theo again, straightening up and squaring his shoulders.

“Perhaps.” Theo kept a straight face as she pushed off the wall, preparing for Steve’s next move.

“Theo, remember what I said – I can fix broken white boys!” Shuri jeered.

A smirk flickered across Theo’s lips.

Bucky doubled over, howling with laughter as Steve let out a huff.

As long as she stuck to the celestial magic, she’d be fine.

Steve rushed towards her.

Adrenaline rushed through Theo’s veins. It had been a while since she’d really had a chance to show what she could do; the prospect of flexing her skills felt almost liberating.

No, she needed to keep it under wraps.

Singing under her breath, a wisp of white shot through her sword. Once Theo stopped, the melody continued to reverberate from the blade, haunting yet almost impossible to hear.

Steve launched forward to throw a blow, but Theo was too quick - she spun and took him down from behind with the hilt of the sword.

“Is your sword singing?”

“Magicians don’t reveal their secrets,” Theo winked. She jumped back, curling her fingers to gesture for Steve to come get her.

Steve rushed forward, only to find himself shocked with cosmic energy. What the-?” He froze mid-motion, dropping to the ground. “

Shit.

“I didn’t hurt you too bad, did I?” Theo dryly inquired, cocking her head to the side.

That was too strong.

“Well, it wasn’t pleasant…” Steve shook his head, staggering briefly before he returned to his feet. “It’s fine - I can do this all day.”

Yeah, that was stronger than it should have been. But why?

“Sorry, I’ll try to temper it a bit,” Theo apologized, while praying it wasn’t obvious that she used more than she intended.

“Don’t go easy on me.” Regaining his composure, Steve resumed charging at her and throwing blows. Theo took a more defensive approach, focusing solely on dodging blows instead of doing damage while she tried to figure out what made her spell so potent.

“Not to be weird, but what phase is the moon in right now?” Theo tried to make the question as casual as possible, hoping it would come off as small talk and nothing more.

“Don’t tell me you do that horoscope shit.” Tony groaned from the sideline.

“There’s nothing wrong with horoscopes, grandpa.” Theo feigned offense, but she was grateful for Tony’s ignorance as to why she might ask the question. “Besides, Astrology is more real than the stock market.”

Shuri snorted.

“It’s a new moon tonight,” Wanda answered. Theo glanced over to catch the Scarlet Witch staring at her phone, lips pursed as she studied whatever was on the screen.

Well, that explained the magic surge.

“Good to know.” Theo kept a casual tone to her voice, rhythmically moving as she dodged and parried Steve’s attacks.

They sparred for another few minutes; Theo continued to stay away from offensive spells, but occasionally threw in an illusion or teleported so they wouldn’t suspect anything. Even if she wasn’t giving them the best data to build her gear with, she wasn’t going to pull out all the stops until it was actually necessary.

Besides, she didn’t really need the armor in the first place.

“Alright Rapunzel, I think we’ve got enough data to start.” Tony announced, tapping the screen of his tablet with a flourish..

Steve dropped his offensive stance, straightening up while he caught his breath.

“Good match.” The friendly smile Steve flashed indicated that he didn’t seem too upset about being shocked.

“Likewise.” Theo returned the nod as her shadow blade vanished.

All in all, it wasn’t the most intense workout she’d ever had, but she did get a bit sweaty and was a little out of breath. Maybe Steve was stronger than she gave him credit for. After all, he was a super soldier.

Then again, she assumed that fighting a super soldier would require enough exertion to make her asthma flare up; given she was still breathing alright, perhaps he also went easy on her.

Whatever - she wasn’t going to dwell on the subject.

Shuri returned to help remove the sensors.

“You held back on him.” She raised an eyebrow at Theo, sending the sorceress a pointed glance before stepping behind Theo to remove the sensors on her back.

Unsure of how else to respond, Theo simply shrugged. “I don’t need to add to my body count.”

Shuri sighed, skepticism written on her features as she leaned around Theo to set the sensors on the table. Perhaps the princess had a better sense of Theo’s powers than she let on. “I told you, I can fix broken white boys.”

Yeah, but she couldn’t fix a pile of dust.

“I don’t think killing Captain America would be a good way to start my tenure as an Avenger…” Theo raised a challenging brow.

Shuri laughed; apparently she thought it was a joke. Theo offered a thin smile.

“One of these days I will get you down here and test you without limits so I can design you the ultimate armor.” Shuri chided, though she still smiled at the newcomer.

Theo offered a curt nod. “Maybe.”

Shuri’s expression told Theo that she took the answer as a challenge.

At the sensation of a bead of sweat trickling down her temple, Theo grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and yanked it up to dry her skin. As she dropped the fabric, she caught Loki studying her. A sense of curiosity peeked through his piercing gaze, cool green eyes glinting beneath the lights.

Theo wondered what ran through his mind. Was he trying to figure out if she was actually a threat? Or was he more focused on where she came from?

Once the sensors were off, Theo started towards the door. She had no interest in socializing, plus she wanted nothing more than to shower and wash the sticky, gritty sweat off her skin.

“Hey Theo, we’re about to head to dinner - do you want to come?”

Enthusiasm colored Wanda’s voice; when Theo turned to face the witch she found Wanda smiling hesitantly, hands shoved in the pockets of her hoodie.

“I appreciate the offer, but I think I’m going to pass,” Theo feigned an interest in the invite, even as she turned it down. “I’m still getting settled in and all.”

A pang of guilt shot up in Theo at the sight of Wanda’s falling face. She could empathize with the pain of rejection; there were countless times when Theo was a little girl when she asked Rae to play with her, but Rae would decline because she was busy with lessons and far too old to play games. Back then, Theo was too small to understand why, but she could still feel how her chest would twist from being turned down.

This, however, was different. Between the appearances at her show, the game, and the invites to hang out, it was obvious that Wanda had ulterior motives. After all, Theo was there when Fury told the Avengers that their mission was to get Theo to stay - and what better way to rope her in than to try and be her friend?

Rather than dwell on the matter, she offered a small wave and hurried out of the lab.

This could not be over fast enough.

Lost big dreams that I really don't need Everything I love is gonna find a way to leave Got good friends that I never can see Always on the run while my plans are free I been staying up all night Shaking needles out my spine But the doctor says I'm fine Feels good to be alive but I hate my life

Living on-site was a non-negotiable of the deal (much to Theo’s dismay), but she had to admit it was convenient - she never had to worry about shit going down on the subway when her workplace was an elevator ride away.

Regardless of where she actually lived, there was one thing she needed to do before anything else: set up a portal to her Mémère’s house. The ritual of creating one long-term portal was tedious, but once set up the long-term portal’s convenience far outweighed the nuisance. Theo visited the family’s matriarch often enough that having a travel method faster than public transit was a necessity, especially with the distance between them. After all, it wasn’t like she had the time to fly back and forth between northern Michigan and New York every weekend.

Creating the portal wasn’t hard; the big challenge was figuring out where to put it. She didn’t want it in her bedroom, since Mémère and Max occasionally used the portals she set up to come visit and the last thing she needed was for them to walk in on her in any number of compromising positions. However, she didn’t want to set it in a location where people would question why she had a misty oval in her wall. After an unnecessary amount of debate, she opted to place it along one of the walls in her main room and take advantage of some well-placed curtains to hide the addition.

With the portal in place, it was time for a field trip.

The crisp air of northern Michigan was a far cry from New York’s heavy, thick skies. It was easier to breathe - not just because there was a lot less pollution, which was notable for someone like Theo, whose lungs were sensitive to smog - but because the nearly silent, still world around her made it easier for the tension to melt from her shoulders and to relax with each inhale and exhale. Michigan was the opposite of New York City, a constantly bustling metropolis where it was all too easy to get lost in the shuffle.

Theo stepped through the portal to find herself in her grandmother’s equipment shed. That was intentional - no one would think to look there for a portal. Weaving between the farm equipment, she pushed the worn wooden door open and stepped outside.

Around her, the evergreens that towered above swayed in the breeze, wind whispering through the branches. In front of her stood the farmhouse, with white weathered siding, wide windows, and a wraparound porch that Theo had spent countless nights sitting on. To her left, a worn path led from the porch down to a small beach with a dock, while the waves of Lake Superior lapped up on the shore. She didn’t have to look behind her to know an old, worn out barn stood in its same place, though it had been years since any animals were kept inside.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted two vehicles parked along the dirt drive - a red pickup truck and a green subaru outback.

Max must have been visiting.

Theo crossed the distance and ascended onto the porch, approached the front door, gripped the worn brass door knob and turned the handle, pushing her way inside.

“Hello?” Poking her head inside, Theo glanced around the living room to find it empty. She stepped inside, closed the door, and toed off her shoes. The sound of clattering dishes echoed from the kitchen, while two voices floated above in animated conversation.

“Ah, my bichette!” A raspy voice called out, followed by the shuffling of feet. Just before Theo reached the hallway, a petite elderly woman appeared.

Mémère had seen more than her fair share of life in her many years on Earth, and it showed. Her tan, papery skin held deep wrinkles and age spots dotted themselves across her cheeks and forehead. In the almost fifteen years since Theo had left for college, the matriarch of the Durand family had aged considerably - every time Theo saw her, she swore that Mémère shrunk another inch. Mémère moved considerably slower than in the past, undoubtedly her advanced age catching up to her. Still, she had a bright spark in her amber eyes and a sharp wit that could not be deterred.

“Hi Mémère,” Theo greeted, embracing her grandmother. Though it had only been a week or so since they’d last been together, it seemed like the elderly woman’s bones were even more prominent, jutting into Theo’s flesh as they hugged. “I saw Max’s car outside - is he here too?”

“Of course I am.” Max appeared over Mémère’s shoulder, arching an eyebrow at his older cousin. “One of us has to keep things in order while you’re off playing superhero.”

“Oh come on, it’s not like–”

“Now now, I do not need you two squabbling to take up my Saturday,” Mémère said, pointedly glaring at the cousins before gesturing for everyone to enter the kitchen. “You both are doing wonderful things, and I’m happy to have you both home. I’ll put some coffee on and we can all catch up. Leenie, have you had lunch? I don’t have many options at the moment, but I can make sandwiches.”

“You’re not going to ask if I’ve had lunch?” Max scoffed, to which Mémère rolled her eyes.

“My caneton, you’ve been here all morning. I know you haven’t had lunch.”

“Sandwich sounds lovely.” Theo answered, trying not to laugh at Max’s feigned offense.

As they stepped into the kitchen, everything was familiar - the same butcher block countertops, the same painted cabinets. Holiday cards were stuck to the fridge with magnets, and a picture of Theo at her college graduation still hung on the door. Things were so much simpler then.

“So, tell us all about your first days as an Avenger - are you settling in? Have you made any friends?” Mémère gave her a knowing wink, making her way to grab sandwich meat and cheese from the fridge. Theo retrieved plates out of the cabinet, setting them on the counter.

Theo couldn’t stop herself from laughing at Mémère’s questions. “I’m not really there to make friends, Mémère.”

“No, but you have to live and work with them.” Even if she moved a bit slower than she did ten years ago, Mémère was still sharp enough to pick up on Theo’s unspoken hesitations. “You’d be smart to befriend them, or you may be miserable for the foreseeable future.”

Sure, Mémère was probably right, but Theo was not about to admit that aloud.

“How are you handling things out here?” Theo changed the subject. “The shed looks like it’s seen better days.”

“Oh, things are fine - Max comes by almost daily to help with things around the farm; he also helps with running errands and such.” Mémère waved a hand dismissively, while Max gave Theo a shit eating grin. “Father Tim - you remember him - he’s also around a lot to help with things.”

Surprisingly, Max did not interject with some snarky comment.

Theo nodded. “And you’ve been okay, health-wise?”

Mémère smiled, though Theo picked up a hint of sadness in her eyes. “I’m fine, bichette. Still kicking. Still here to tease you endlessly.”

Theo laughed softly, shaking her head. “I can’t imagine you doing anything else...”

A silence fell in the room as the final condiments were set out on the countertop.

“This is less fancy than the restaurants you probably go to in New York, but hopefully it still tastes good.” Mémère joked, gesturing to the spread of sandwich toppings. “I’ll let you build your own, so it’s just how you want.”

Theo laughed. “Just because I agreed to join the Avengers doesn’t mean I now scoff at a sandwich.”

While Theo and Max put their sandwiches together, Mémère made sure they each had a cup of coffee poured and at the table. Once the trio assembled their meals, they each took their regular chairs at the kitchen table.

“What have you done so far?”

“Nothing exciting, really.” Theo palmed the ceramic mug in front of her, eyes following the curls of steam as they floated upward. “A lot of onboarding crap. I was supposed to spar with Captain America and that was, uh, interesting. Next week I’m supposed to start doing interviews and shit, but I don’t really get why I’d waste my time with those when I have actual work to do.”

“Told you, playing superhero.” Max interjected, to which Theo scowled.

“I don’t think it’s a waste.” Mémère mused. “Now the world can learn of your gifts. You’ve spent far too long trying to conceal them.”

Mémère always thought the best of Theo, and that went for her magic as well. Despite disagreeing, Theo gave up on trying to convince her otherwise a long time ago.

“Are they gifts?” Theo pondered, studying the barn through the window panes. “There are a lot of people who think they’re curses.”

“They are what you choose to make them.” Mémère reminded her granddaughter. “You’ve chosen to make them gifts, to use them to help people.”

Theo nodded, though she didn’t entirely agree with Mémère’s assessment. She knew Max probably didn’t agree either. The council certainly didn’t.

“How’s work, Max?” Theo tried to change the subject.

“It’s fine.” Max paused to take a bite of his sandwich. “No complaints.”

“And Ellie, Katie? How are they?”

“Good. Katie’s daycare is now preparing her to start preschool.”

Theo nearly dropped her coffee cup at the news.

“Seriously? She’s a toddler.”

“She’s three, and she’s way ahead of her developmental milestones. The staff think it’s a good idea. Ellie agrees. She’s a pediatrician, so it’s her job to know that kind of stuff.” Max shrugged as if he was completely unaffected by the prospect of his child starting preschool.

“This is what happens when two doctors have a baby, I guess.” Theo muttered to herself.

Theo may have been the one in the Avengers, but Max was always the responsible and cautious one. It was pretty common for the council members to lament that Theo was the next in line - they claimed it was because she was a loose cannon and unpredictable; that wasn’t the real reason, but none of them would admit the truth to Theo or Mémère’s faces. Still, they weren’t wrong when they pointed out that Max was steadfast and rational. He naturally embodied the characteristics of a wise leader.

Maybe that’s why he was so pissy about her accepting the Avengers gig - until that point, Theo was the one living in Max’s shadow.

Mémère must have sensed the tension between cousins, because she took over the conversation from there. Even if things between Theo and Max were always tense, conversation with Mémère came easily. Beyond trying to catch up on what had happened in Michigan since Theo’s last visit, Mémère had plenty of her own questions about Theo’s transition to being an Avenger.

Even if they weren’t Theo’s favorite questions, she owed Mémère real answers.

Once they finished their sandwiches, Theo stood and collected the dirty plates, bringing them to the sink so she could wash them.

“How long are you visiting for?” Mémère asked, still sitting at the table.

“Just the afternoon - figured I’d use my first moment of free time since starting to see how things were here, plus grab some stuff to bring back with me.” Theo said, letting out a sigh. “I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving, so I imagine I don’t have long before they start looking for me. They’re kind of obsessive like that.”

“Well, you know where your room is - It’s always ready, whenever you need it. Feel free to head up whenever.”

Given Theo could hardly sneak away for an afternoon, she found it hard to imagine she’d need the bed anytime soon.

Setting the last plate on the drying rack, Theo made her way upstairs. Over all the years she had been here, the whole house had barely changed - same furniture, same photos, same faded wallpaper covering the walls. Her feet carried her down the hall, almost on autopilot as she made her way to her old bedroom. Standing in front of the entrance, Theo took a deep breath, turned the knob and opened the door.

Inside, the room was still a breath of fresh air - pale yellow walls, big windows with sheer curtains. A queen size bed with a patchwork quilt sat in one corner; one of Theo’s old guitars from when she was here before remained in another corner. Her old Van Gogh poster was still on the wall above her dresser.

Despite remaining exactly as she left it, there was no dust to be found - Mémère must have cleaned the room while she was gone.

She always kept the room ready in case Theo needed to come home.

Theo’s heart twisted at the thought. It was almost enough for her to say “fuck it” and stay – at least for one night. After all, it had been a long time since she actually visited for more than a day or two, and the Avengers needed her, not the other way around; she could make them wait.

However, her cell phone quickly reminded her that wasn’t an option.

“Anyone seen Rapunzel?” The Avengers group chat lit up.

Theo rolled her eyes, but replied anyway. “Visiting a friend. Be back later.”

Whether she wanted to or not, Theo knew - the show must go on.

So tied up and tired of this self-inflicted fight In spite of, I light up, to leave my demons I tell myself I'm fine while I'm looking for a sign Is this body even mine? Feels good to be alive but I hate my life

#loki #loki fanfiction #marvel loki #loki fluff #loki angst #loki smut #loki x oc #loki x ofc #wemtbb #when everything's made to be broken

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gogglor · 3 years

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Cap-Ironman RecWeek: Laugh Out Loud Friday

Third to last installment for @cap-ironman rec week, and today we’re focusing on fics that, in my humble opinion, are flipping hysterical. For me that tends to mean lots of snarky banter, but I found some hysterical situation comedy in my favs folder too when I was looking for recs today. In any event, if you’re in the mood for a giggle, here’s some fics that’ll deliver in spades.

Moanin’

Author: Captain_Panda

Word Count: 1,041

Summary: Wet. Steamy. Sultry. Jazz. It's jazz. In a bathtub.

Why You Should Read It:

Captain_Panda’s another Stony gem that puts out good stuff on the regular, and this one’s just such a delightful gem.

Tony is naked, sick, and high on cough syrup. Steve needs to get him a dinner held in his honor. Honestly, the mental imagery alone is enough to do it for me; it is a firm principle of mine that far more people should write naked, high Tony Stark. This fic’s short, but it’s a great one to go back to if you’re looking for something light and silly.

Bells Will Be Ringing

Author: scifigrl47

Word Count: 29,651

Summary: Steve Rogers is in love with Tony Stark. He's determined that he's finally going to do something about that. Christmas is a time for love and togetherness, and now may be the best chance he has. But some things aren't as simple as they should be.

Why You Should Read It:

I absolutely cannot let a funny Stony fic list happen without recommending something by sci, because dear lord in heaven they are a funny SOB. Pick any of their fics at random and you’ll end up with something equal parts hilarious and delightful. It’s honestly a crime that their work is available for free.

This fic is yet another sci masterpiece, complete with their regular hallmarks of the best goddamn banter I’ve ever read, well-developed characters, spectacular world-building, and a lovely emotional payoff at the end. Additionally, it is absolutely hysterical. If you wanna read about the Avengers Council of Lesbians and what happens if you give Clint Barton a box of Pixie Stix, give it a read.

A Good Vintage

Author: JenTheSweetie

Word Count: 6,727

Summary: “You own a what?” After Ultron shows up, instead of taking the Avengers to his secret family, Clint takes them to his secret winery. Things go… a little bit differently.

Why You Should Read It:

Honestly, it’s become a bit of a meme in the POTS server that everyone’s always recommending this fic, because A) It does not have nearly enough kudos, and B) Holy crap is it funny.

Clint owns a secret winery instead of a secret farm, and everybody goes there to lie low during Age of Ultron. There is drinking, and swimming, and 90′s hiphop, and a heck of a lot of nachos. Drunk decisions are made. Just a lovely Stony fic with a side of team bonding.

There’s Something Aboot Steve

Author: epicycles

Word Count: 2,314

Summary: "You know, it makes a lot of sense," Tony mused aloud, once all the shouting was over. "You're so polite, you like maple syrup, you wear a lot of plaid."

Why You Should Read It:

Another one for the silly and delightful pile.

It turns out, Steve Rogers was born in Canada before immigrating to the U.S. when he was a few months old. What will the public say? Will Canada try to take him back? Are the Avengers prepared to fight their hockey-loving brethren to rescue Steve from the clutches of trained polar bears? All that and more answered in this fic.

Even My Phone Misses Your Call

Author: rainbowninja167

Word Count: 10,869

Summary: Steve makes it all the way to Ohio before conceding that the post-Chitauri road trip might’ve been a mistake. Or, ten times Steve has to call Tony to come pick him up.

Why You Should Read It:

This one’s got more feels in in than what’s been on the list so far, but it’s all balanced perfectly against some damn funny stuff. Steve keeps getting into tight spots for one reason or another, and keeps calling Tony to come pick him up. Friendship, then something else develops from there.

One thing I really like about this one is that both Tony and Steve get to be the funny one. Snarky Steve is such a gift, as is “The serum enhanced all my senses except my common sense” Steve, and “I would be delighted to let you mistake me for a choirboy” Steve, all if which is present here. Add in some mutual pining and some high-quality smut and you’ve got a really delightful fic.

Out of Order

Author: elwenyere

Word Count: 4,368

Summary: After Tony and Steve hook up in the Tower elevator, both of them are totally cool with keeping it casual. Totally, totally cool.

Why You Should Read It:

El’s another author it wouldn’t feel right leave out of a list of funny as hell Stony writers, and one whose works you could draw from at random and strike gold.

This one tells a story through times Steve and Tony ride the elevator together, because why have one bottle episode when you can have six? Tony is a snarky bastard, Steve is a smitten grump, both of them are garbage communicators, and at one point Clint spills a bunch of Milk Duds and goes “Aww, Milk Duds no!”. I literally cannot tell you why I find that last one so funny but that scene lives rent-free in my head under a big sign that says “Examples of the Clint Barton We Should’ve Had in the MCU.” Anyway, go read this sweet, funny, delightful fic, it’ll be the highlight of your day.

Lastly, one self-rec, because a witch sent me into the woods to find a cow as white as milk, a cape as red as blood, a hair as yellow as corn, and 10,000 AO3 kudos.

Stupid Sexy Avengers

Author: gogglor

Word Count: 22,624

Summary: Tony, Steve, Nat, Clint, Bruce, Thor, Jane, and Rhodey all tell each other the funniest thing that's ever happened to them related to their sex lives. If you're interested in hearing the Avengers tell stories about their lives that are funny and mortifying and surprisingly sweet, you've found your fic.

Why You Should Read It:

It’s Clint’s birthday, and as a birthday present he asks Steve and Tony to tell him what happened that got Steve to stop being so shy about making sex jokes. The end result is everyone around the common room telling each other the funniest thing that’s ever happened to them related to their sexual histories.

This one’s a part 2 of a series, but I deliberately wrote it to stand on its own, so there’s no need to go back and read part 1. In it, you’ll find stories of disastrous language misunderstandings, ideas so bad only horny teenagers could think of them, the bonds of friendship forged and tested (in one case literally), and a giant blue glittery dildo named “Mr. Dick.” Personally I think it’s one of the funnier things I’ve ever written, but what do I know, I’m just a Tumblr post you didn’t even pay to read.

We’ve got two more days of Cap-Ironman RecWeek, and I am delighted to tell you all that some of the best is yet to come. Ta-ta for now!

#capimrecweek #stony #Steve Rogers #Tony Stark #fanfic #fanfic rec

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greencoded · 4 years

Photo

——— ❛ HEY , MY LITTLE RAGER TEENAGER , I’VE MISSED YOU AROUND . ❜

( triggers : illness , death , abuse. ) ( beast boy ( 2014 ), edited © )

— quick stats :

full name : garfield mark logan nicknames : gar ( preferred ) age : twenty - two ( 22 ) gender & pronouns : cisgendered man / he & him birthday : november sixteenth ( 11 / 16 / 1997 ) zodiac : scorpio romantic / sexual orientation : biromantic & bisexual fandom : dc comics / teen titans ( 2003 - 2006 ) occupation : dog - walker

( SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM FOR PLOTTING IDEAS ! )

— memory ( not his last canon memory ) :

❛ — - sweet sounds of childish innocence spilled from your lips, arms out stretched as your ran around your parents, finger - tips brushing the soft greenery that surrounded the trio. though, it hadn’t lasted long as you heard your father call your name, grabbing your arm, scolding you for being such a distraction. with an apology, you plopped down on the ground, your beige shorts now being rolled between your fingers. nibbling at the inside of your cheek, you parted your chapped lips, almost as if to say something. the simple fear of getting scolded once again held the question in your throat, deflating once again. maybe it was better to just keep your mouth shut, wait until you all went home.

❛ — - the hours passed and passed as the sweat ran down your forehead, silently suffering in the cot provided to you by your parents. god, your parents. don’t wake them, you thought, don’t bother them. light flicked on as a blood - curdling sob ripped from your throat, the pain gathering your chest. . . in your arms. for a moment, you felt like you’d been cared for as your father held you and asked about what you were feeling ; it was just more research wasn’t it ? you were officially part of your dad’s testing . . . a part of his project.

❛ — - with a sharp pain to your abdomen , the chilling sweats stopped , but the pain had just begun as your felt your bones begin to ache . your blood temperature rising beneath sun - kissed skin . blinking awake , you watched as your fingers looked a sickly green color , watching the color run up your arm as if your arm was made out of paper and a child had run through it with a marker . it took the child only a second to sit up, dull nails itching and scratching at the skin on his arms as if the green hue he could simply rip off with enough effort . no , no , no !

( there should be a gif here but i hated all of the ones i made. imagine a scared, sad green boy ! )

❛ — - sharp canine teeth brushed against your soft bottom lip , not understanding any second of what had been happening to you . you didn’t want this , you wanted to go back and run around in the grass . you’d rather be scolded by your parents instead of this . whatever this was . you wanted to be normal. . . not whatever you are now . this monster. . . this BEAST.

— alternate san francisco bay area , titans tower :

— - garfield logan works for the titans group , a group of heroes that help protect california , operating out of san francisco . and as the resident comic relief in the group , seriousness is not something he ever liked . while he grew up with two parents who focused on their science , it never really rubbed of on garfield . at least , not the way they wanted it to . obviously fate had a very different plan for the logan family.

— - around the age of eight , garfield had contracted a very serious illness , sakutia , which is likely to cause death in two�� hours to everyone and everything but the african green monkey . while it would’ve killed him, his father decided to inject him with and antivenom to make sure he lived. though, as a result, the illness rewrote his genetic code, therefor giving him green skin, green eyes and green hair. along with pointed, elf - like ears and a pair of sharp canine teeth. along with the physical changes, he was able to morph into any animal in the animal kingdom. though, he favors changing into household pets ( dogs, cats, lizards, snakes and the occasional guinea pig / hamster ) .

— - the torment of his father and mother’s abuse ( mostly verbal , scolding him for giving himself a virus he never intended to have , calling him an embarrassment , etc. ) led him to becoming a reclusive person until joining the doom patrol , though , shortly after he’d heard about his parents boating accident which contributed to their death . soon enough , he left the doom patrol and joined the teen titans , changing his reclusive personality to being the comedic value that the titans needed . using jokes and comedy to cope with the death of his parents and the abuse dealt to him at a young age. now a valued member of the titans , garfield logan , ( aka BEAST BOY ) now felt like he had a place to call home . you can read more about him HERE & HERE , since i’m mixing both canons into one .

— alucard, pennsylvania , present day :

— - if you haven’t heard of garfield logan , then you’ve definitely HEARD garfield logan . with a voice that could burst eardrums if you got too close . as the only child and son of a biology professor and an animal biologist , he was was always seen a somewhat of a disappointment through the eyes of his parents. both of them taking turns and asking if he’d decided to go to college yet , if he knew what he wanted to do with his life . and the answer was always no . much to the dismay of his parents . and while it break his heart to have parents that didn’t support you choice to skip school altogether , it was simple to hide behind the veil of slacker friends who enjoyed your jokes . it was easier to fake a smile than it was to give everyone a real frown .

— - garfield lives comfortably on his own , barely making rent for his very run down , one bedroom , open living , studio apartment . working as a dog walker doesn’t as much money as he hoped . but he knows walking the dogs of the more wealthy people in PA would get him the money and tips he needed . not to mention , he’s a sucker for animals .

— - to make a long story short , garfield it quite literally that dumb , skater kid you see telling dumb jokes with his hat on backwards . he’s got a heart of gold and can be a little dumb sometimes . but it’s always with good intent . a total sweetheart , but will rip you to shreds if you mess with someone he loves. is a giant mess and totally not ashamed of it at all . will do everything in his power to make you smile ! just a goofy boy with the best intentions and is here to provide you with some sunshine.

— plot ideas ! :

001. you know what gar needs ? more friends. specifically, a PLATONIC SOULMATE. by that, i mean, someone who has so many things in common, they’re practically the same person. would be sick if they were one of his skater friends, but definitely not necessary. don’t get annoyed with him and love and support the decisions he makes... even if they’re dumb.

002. gar absolutely loves being able to annoy people to no end. he adores being able to make people smile and loves making people angry a little more. so, someone who could get annoyed with his very happy, silly and goofy demeanor would be amazing ! he will constantly tell you childish jokes about poop and tell you to spell ICUP... but, i promise he loves you. and maybe you keep him around because you secretly love it and he makes you smile !

003. please, i need someone to simply despise gar. get mad at him, make him cry, ask him how’s he’s so happy being a failure and not doing something good like his parents. if your muse is kind of an asshole, this is perfect. i just know not everyone is going to like him and i thrive on enemy plots !

#duality.intro #pls enjoy this . it's not great but its something !!!!!#illness tw.#death tw.#abuse tw.

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kuiperchaos · 4 years

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Smoshblr Secret Santa

Happy Holidays from your Secret Santa! I hope you enjoy reading!

Wes didn’t really have an interest in relationships. They were a lot of work to maintain, and it took a lot of time to grow and develop trust between partners. It seemed like a lot of effort for results that didn’t really appeal to him. He was a man with his whole life ahead of him! He had every door to open, and thought a relationship would lock them and throw away the key. And because he was a grown man with boundless opportunities, he decided he was going to take some time off and visit a neighboring theme park.

The park had just installed a new roller coaster, so all of his friends had advised him against going. They complained about lines, prices, and overall quality, but Wes really didn’t care. You don’t go to a theme park to admire cleanliness and expense. You go to indulge in all of your childhood memories of the fire in your soul at doing something new. However the long lines do tend to dull the spark of the spirit, so Wes took the plunge alone. Single rider lines were always shorter, plus he wasn’t opposed to the thought that he might meet someone new. So he took a day off from work to minimize the teenagers involved, and went online to buy his tickets.

Once he got to the park, he found a direct path towards the fabled coaster, but the line seemed longer than his lifespan, so he decided to take a look around and see what else he could do. He quickly began to regret visiting alone, as he seemed to be the only single adult in the park. Rides and games were no fun unless you had someone to play and laugh with. He contemplated going home. It was his money after all, he could do what he wanted with it. But the child shallowly hidden under the surface pressed him into staying. He rationalized his decision because after all, he bought the tickets to ride the coaster, so he would ride it no matter how long the line was!

He was a single man, so he decided to take the shorter option of the single rider line. He stood solo for about 30 seconds before he was caboosed by a man with a royal blue chunk in his hair. Wes had never been superficial, so he tried not to make an opinion about the stranger based on his appearance, but that, like many things, was easier said than done. The man was absolutely gorgeous, and if Wes had a type, he would be the perfect example. Tall, glasses that were slightly askew, and hair that was so soft a chinchilla would envy it. If social pressure didn’t exist, he could have admired the man forever. Sadly, it did, so before he could be caught staring, Wes quickly turned away from the stranger, but he decided the view behind him was significantly more beautiful than the one before him. Line stretched for what seemed like miles, and Wes agonized for the poor people traveling in groups. Quickly going numb to the ambient noise of shrieking and laughter brought about by the theme park, Wes made the decision to take a dive of the edge of his comfortable thoughts into the possible wonderland that could await him within the mind of the man behind him. Everyone says that life is better with a buddy anyway, right?

Before he could overthink it like he tended to do with everything else, Wes spun on his heel and smiled at the stranger. The opposing man responded with a lopsided grin that could put the sun to shame.

Bolded by the mans kindness, Wes attempted to start a conversation. “Do you think the park architects know how to drive? They seem to not be very good at managing traffic.” He said, sounding much smoother than he expected.

“It’s kind of strange really” The other man said with a gentle chuckle at the pun “I tried to come on a day no one would be here, but I guess everyone else had the same plan.” He said with a soft chuckle.

Wes decided that no matter how intense the ride was, nothing would have the ability to throw him through loops, and turn his stomach into knots the way this guy could. “Oh, most definitely! That’s why I decided to come today. I’m Wes, by the way.” The words tumbled off his tongue as if they had been pushed before they expected it. Wes was already cringing at the sound of the sentence.

The man grinned, and seemed to be endeared by the awkwardness. “Well nice to meet you Wes by the way. My name’s Damien”

Wes was relieved by the teasing. If Damien felt comfortable enough to tease him, then the conversation wasn’t going as bad as he worried it might.

They continued to converse throughout the line, and Wes felt increasingly grateful for the amount of people. As they talked, he kept falling harder and harder. Not only was Damien attractive, but Wes delightedly discovered he was also intelligent, kind, and really passionate about things and people he cared for. The two men also had very similar tastes in pop culture. If he had to estimate, he would say at least half the line was spent discussing recent anime releases.

Since they began talking, Wes crossed his fingers that the two would be seated next to each other. People said that you shouldn’t do those kinds of things because they jinxed it, but Wes thought they were just unlucky. His suspicions were correct because when Wes slid through the turntable onto his seat, he heard a clicking behind him, and fluffy brown hair invaded the neighboring seat. Damien opened his mouth to remark on their unlikely connection, but their bright green cart projected them outward before the words could escape.

The first part of the track led them into an unlit elevator with rails on the sides. Even in the blackness, Wes could swear he saw a shine in Damien’s eyes at getting to see the inner workings of the ride. He barely had a second to fawn over the sight before they stopped over a 90 degree drop. The ride fell down the edge of the elevator as the riders let out a shriek at the force they were feeling.

The ride continued jerking them every which way, and Wes was thankful his head didn’t collide with Damien’s. Once they neared the end, a smile sign appeared on the decorative waterfall next to them. Wes posed as if he were a model, hoping to draw more attention to him from his new companion. He heard a mumbled “You need more training” next to him, but the ride jerked to a stop before he could process it.

Their shoulders rubbed together as they moved to release their restraints. They both awkwardly shimmied out of the cart, feeling the blood returning to where it was supposed to dwell. As they walked back towards the central area of the park, they saw a flashy booth advertising photos of the ride. Wes wanted to preserve the memory, so he walked over to the booth. He was quickly followed by Damien as he was unwilling to lose sight of his new companion.

“It’s only a few bucks, I can pay for yours if you want,” Wes heard from behind his shoulder. The idea made him laugh. He had already spent this much, what was a little more?

“Don’t worry about it. Honestly, I’d be happy to pay for yours” He said, rubbing his hand along the back of his neck.

“Nope,” Damien said, adding an extra pop to the P for sass. “I want to pay for you. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.”

Wes wasn’t hesitant to admit that he found the sentiment sweet. He believed everyone wanted to be spoiled deep down after all. However, he also wasn’t going to let a white knight come along and wipe away his every trouble. “Fine by me, but I guess that means I need to treat you to lunch,” He said with a teasing smirk. He saw Damien’s hesitation, so before he could counter the statement, Wes continued “No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it.”

Damien tried to hold back laughter at his own words sounding silly coming out of the other man. Wes saw his shoulders shake with the effort, and he was sure he’d be able to hear it had the squeals of the park not drowned it out. “As you wish my good sir,” Damien said, skirting into laughter at the words.

Wes didn’t know if it was the adrenaline from the coaster, or his own lovestruck heart, but he and Damien couldn’t stop laughing and goofing off together for the rest of the day. Even after they took a breather to eat, the madness filled their blood once again as they ran around with each other as if they had never grown up.

Their energy hit its peak once they started wasting their money playing overpriced carnival games. Wes was a romantic at heart, so he kind of wanted to win a toy to give to Damien, so when he saw a game with massive stuffed animals, he held Damien’s hand and pulled him to the bright red booth.

It was a pretty simple game in premise. All players got a small squirt gun attached to a metal prong on the counter. The goal was to fill the mouth of a cardboard cutout as much as possible. Wes fished the money out of his wallet, and handed in to the bored teenage handler. The game started with the shrill sound of a bell. He was trying to test the limits of the gun holster, so he rotated it around, spraying a small amount of water. He hadn’t accounted for the force of the movement though, so a small stream of water his Damien in the neck, and dampened a section of his shirt collar.

Wes quickly turned away, and went back to his mission of winning the massive stuffed Squirtle hung up on the overhang. Once his attention was back on the game, he was surprised by cold running down the side of his face. He turned in the direction of the source to see Damien acting just a bit too innocent.

Oh it’s on. In a moment of determination, Wes decided memories were more important than giant pokemon. With a quick pull to the side, Damien had a drenched spot in the center of his chest and it was leaking down the rest of his torso.

In less than an instant, Wes was also spotted with water covering his clothes. Despite how different their patches of water looked, they both wore grins equal in magnitude, and red faces from laughter. If you had to ask, Wes would cite that as the moment he really developed feelings for the now known stranger. The sight of him with shiny, watery eyes, and face red from exhilaration. The only reason he looked away was to return his focus towards his weapon to continue the war waged between them.

Wes may have not had an interest in relationships a year ago, but a lot had changed since then. He never thought he would spend the holidays with two cats curled up together on the arm of his couch, and he certainly never thought he’d have a cat-man curled up on the same couch nestled against his side. However the beautiful stranger he’d met that day had changed a lot of things, and in all honesty, Wes wouldn’t have it any other way.

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causeitspartofme · 5 years

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We gotta hide what we’re doing // Ben and Klaus

CW: Drugs and an overdose reference (very lightly handled due to my not being a fan of the topic so apologies if it's not super realistic seeming. I didn't need to trigger myself) Proceed with caution. Under a read-more for that and not clogging the dash.

Klaus was fifteen the first time his heart stopped. He and Ben were out partying. Ben was there to support Klaus and had spent the majority of the evening trying to keep him from doing anything stupid. A trip to the bathroom resulted in Klaus seeming far too giddy upon returning.

“You took something,” Ben scoffed and narrowed his eyes at Klaus. His hood was drawn up over his head in an attempt to remain anonymous. There was something far too unsettling about the way the girls tried to flirt with him.

“Did not,” Klaus slurred. A smirk played across his lips. The attempt at innocence was marred by the dots of white beneath his nose. Ben took a deep breath and pressed his tongue against his cheek, eyes narrowing at his brother.

“We’re going home,” He stated through gritted teeth. “Now.” He took hold of Klaus’ arm and tried to drag him. Klaus didn’t budge, merely shaking his head and glowering at Ben.

“It’s my favorite song,” He whined and began to sway to the beat. “You’re no fun, you know that?”

“I’m aware,” Ben sighed. “But I can’t be that much of a killjoy. I quite liked that red pill you gave me.” The plan of not partying too hard had been a good one up until Klaus decided to add an additional item to his list of vices. The music was giving him a headache and the drunken shenanigans of his brother were becoming more worrying than amusing.

“Can we go now?” He asked once the song ended. A slight smile graced his features despite the annoyance he felt toward his brother.

“Fineee,” Klaus grimaced. He dramatically offered his hand to Ben then allowed him to lead him out.

The next few minutes happened in a blur. Ben was doing most of the talking then Klaus collapsed to the ground. His first instinct was to get to ground level and start tapping Klaus in an attempt to wake him up. It was no use.

Ben let out a horrified shriek. They weren’t too far from the venue — just happened to be nowhere near a phone.

He gave another one when no one paid attention then stooped down to check if Klaus was still breathing. There was no pulse so he began to do compressions, only pausing when a passerby spotted him.

“My brother,” Ben gasped out. “I—” He couldn’t get the words out for fear of getting into more trouble than he was already in. “He needs an ambulance.”

The stranger nodded then went to the nearest pay phone, keeping a close eye on the two boys. He returned after calling and offered to take over for the CPR, teeth digging into his lip when the conscious boy said he wanted to do it.

Everyone was pale in the face by the time the fire department arrived. Ben gave a brief description of what happened then said he needed to ride in the ambulance with Klaus. The adult was handed paperwork to fill out and return later, the men in a rush since he was of no relation to the boys.

“Kl-Klaus Hargreeves,” Ben stammered and wrapped his arms around his middle. He sat on a chair by the stretcher Klaus was transferred to. Tears were streaming down his face and he had refused to give out the family’s phone number. “And I’m Ben.”

“You are very brave, Ben,” A firefighter admitted. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail. “Do you mind if I sit with you while they work on him?”

Ben nodded and curled into himself. He felt like he was going to be sick, watching as the strangers grabbed paddles to use on his brother. It took one zap to cause Klaus to gasp out, groaning as he came to.

“Asshole,” Ben whispered and balled his hands into fists. He wiped away his tears and steeled himself. The ambulance had arrived and they rushed Klaus to the emergency room, leaving Ben behind to await the arrival of Reginald. He was left close to the check-in desk. The receptionist occasionally gave him a pitiful look.

Someone cleared their throat and Ben jumped to his feet. The teen stood up straight and placed his arms behind his back, crossing his hands at the wrist. The receptionist looked alarmed. She blinked up at the man that seemingly appeared from nowhere.

“Benjamin,” Ben shook when his name was said. Reginald said nothing more to him, promptly addressing the receptionist instead.

“Where is my son?” He quirked a brow. HIs tone made it clear he would not tolerate any sort of silliness.

“They rushed him to a room,” She looked up at him. “A possible overdose.”

Reginald merely narrowed his eyes at Ben. “Wonderful,” He sighed. “I want a breathalyzer and urine test done on this one.”

“Father I —“ Ben was interrupted by Reginald shifting to show just how much taller he was than him. He gulped and shook his head. “You know I wouldn’t.”

“Now,” He exhaled. The receptionist nodded and paged for a doctor to come speak to the family.

It was a weak lie as it was since one look in Ben’s eyes would reveal just how dilated his pupils were. Alcohol clung to his breath despite his desperate attempt to mask it before his father got there.

A nurse came out and Ben was taken aside. His shoulders slumped and his stomach dropped once he was given a hospital bracelet and handed a plastic cup. The instructions of filling the stupid thing should have been easy to follow but he couldn’t bring himself to peeing on command. It took his father’s fist against the door and a harsh whisper of getting a move on to get him to get a small stream to come out. He shakily placed the cover on the cup then left it in the bin, biting his lip before exiting.

“Surely you don’t need the breathalyzer,” Ben exhaled. Sobering up had come quick. His father’s presence was to blame for it and the severity of the situation left him feeling far too on edge. The room felt like it was spinning but he was pretty certain his nerves were to blame for that one.

Reginald ignored his son and stepped aside so the nurse could look him over. “We are going to need to run a blood test,” She sighed. “To compare to the results from your brother.”

“Is he okay?” Ben spat out, worry immediately causing his shoulders to slump. “If he needs blood I—”

“Enough,” Reginald barked. Ben stood up straight and stared at the nurse, shrinking back slightly before speaking again.

“At least tell me he is okay,” He whimpered and bit his lip.

“He is stable,” The nurse shrugged. “We were able to get a heartbeat but he’s got a lot of recoveries to make up for. I was told not to tell you anything else until we process your labs.”

Ben nodded in understanding. They took him to a room of his own to get lab work done, leaving him there for an hour of silence with his father glaring daggers at him before the nurse returned.

“Mr. Hargreeves,” The nurse reappeared what felt like ages later. The tension of the room caused her to awkwardly shift on her feet. “Could we speak alone for a moment?”

Reginald narrowed his eyes at Ben then sniffed and got to his feet. Ben could only hear mumbling from outside his room. He didn’t dare move for fear of his father assuming he had done something else.

They found drugs on Klaus’ person and made the decision to get rid of them, giving Reginald the full-blown overview of the mess his son got into. Ben had done some dabbling as well but nothing to cause any panic. The boy was recovering from being high as a kite and was showing more signs of paranoia and anxiety than anything that could be written off as abnormal.

“What made you do it?” Reginald whispered once back in the room. His expression was hard but his tone came out in a sound that made Ben do a double take.

“We needed to forget,” He mumbled. Honesty had not been what he was aiming for but there was no taking it back now that it was out in the open. There were too many expectations that came between the two of them. For Klaus, it was seeing the dead and the overwhelming feeling of doom. Ben merely hated the card he was dealt and believed that anything that could take his mind off the horror inside him was worthwhile.

“He has two weeks of rehab,” His father continued. “You will be spending that time doing the same. Grace and I will be the only ones to see you after this evening’s disappointment. I will be leaving Pogo in charge of sweeping both your rooms for anything abnormal.”

Ben opened his mouth to argue and was met by Reginald shifting to take hold of his jaw, fingers digging in hard enough to make him wince.

“I expected so much more from you Benjamin,” He hissed out and dragged his fingernails down, smirking when the teen cried out. “Consider yourself under lockdown until Pogo and I come up with a more creative way to deal with you.”

#Ben Hargreeves #Klaus Hargreeves #fanfic #TUA #umbrella academy #the umbrella academy #my writing

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glowrioustrash · 6 years

Text

Wellness Violation

Summary: The result of your wellness test doesn’t go as you planned. What will Baron think when he finds out?

Pairing: Baron Corbin x Reader

Word Count: 2400+

Warnings: I’m boring lately... no warnings.

Author’s Note: Idk... it’s cute? I had a silly idea and it grew into this.

Tagging:@castielscamander / @therealfivefeetoffuckingfury / @kakakatey / @thirstiswet / @calwitch / @dirrrtydeeds (who never asked to be tagged, but it’s Baron so I’m tagging her)

You looked up from tying your boots as your name was called through the women’s locker room, the man’s voice echoing loudly from the door - he dare not enter - and cutting through the high-pitched tones of the women.

“Yeah?” You called back curiously.

“Wellness test. Trainer’s in five.” The order came.

You rolled your eyes and shouted back your acknowledgement.

You finished lacing your boots and threw a hoodie on over your gear. You’d stolen the hoodie from Baron months ago, but it still smelled like him. You couldn't help but take a deep breath as you zipped it up, inhaling the smell of his aftershave. It fell down to the tops of your knees and you were pretty much swimming in it. It made you feel tiny and fragile but protected by your big, bad boyfriend - it was a nice feeling to have every once in a while, working in an industry where you make your money by fighting other women.

You were following the signs backstage that would lead you to the trainer’s office when you heard Baron’s laugh bounce down the concrete walls. You couldn’t stop the smile from spreading on your face when you heard it. You turned the corner and weren’t surprised to see he was sitting with Corey, the two of them laughing as Baron gave him a playful shove.

“Hey, watch it. They need him for TV tonight.” You teased as you approached the boys. Baron wrapped an arm around your waist as soon as you were at his side, pulling you close.

“Yeah, Corbin. Listen to your girl, we both know she’s the brains of the relationship.” Corey teased.

“Damn straight she is.” Baron smiled down at you. Even with him sitting on the road case and you standing, he was still the taller one.

“Although she’s choosing to be with you, so really…” Corey trailed off as you scoffed, smacking him in the chest with the back of your hand. “Hey, they need me for TV, remember?”

“I’ll make a call, get Booker to replace you.” You smirked, making Baron laugh loudly.

“That’s cold.” Corey laughed.

“Where you headin’, babe?” Baron asked you, adjusting how he was sitting so he could pull you between his legs.

“Trainer’s. Wellness test.” You replied with a shrug.

“Oh shit. Guess I shouldn’t have put all that meth in your smoothie this morning.” Baron sighed.

“Funny.” You deadpanned, ignoring Corey’s chuckling.

“I’ll miss you during your suspension,” Baron lamented dramatically, burying his face into your neck. “Have to find someone else to curl up with at night.”

“Like you could find someone to put up with you.” You shot back playfully.

“Damn, your girl is savage.” Corey piped up.

“Mmm, just the way I like her.” Baron hummed before nipping at your neck, making you squeal and try to jump away. He held tight, not letting you go.

“Baron, I gotta go.” You reminded, petting the back of his head. “I’ll come back as soon as I’m done, okay?”

“Fine.” He huffed, dropping his arms from around you.

“See you in a bit.” You promised with a quick kiss.

“Knock ‘em dead.” He told you, smacking your ass as you started to turn. You stalled in your movements, shooting him a look before you continued on your way.

“Later, Corey.” You gave the other man a wave as you left.

“Where’s my kiss?” Corey called after you. You didn’t have to look back to know what was happening next, hearing the two start to play wrestle as Baron warned him to stay away from you.

You made it to the trainer’s office, seeing Dash Wilder sitting on a chair outside, waiting.

“Hey Dash.” You greeted as you sat next time him. “Wellness test?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, looking bored. “Not like I have anything better to do, right?”

You huffed a laugh, grinning at him as the silence fell over the two of you again. You looked up and down the hall, making sure no one would overhear before leaning in closer to him.

“Think they make Lesnar do this?” You scoffed quietly.

Dash didn’t respond, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. You chuckled, feeling the same way.

“Alright Dash, you’re up.” The doctor called as he opened the door.

“See you ‘round.” Dash told you as he entered the room, door closing behind him.

You took your phone out of your pocket, wasting time on Candy Crush while you waited for your turn. Luckily, it didn’t take too long before you were being called into the office. You went through the motions quickly, used to the test by now, and the doctor told you the results would be in shortly.

You were sitting in catering with Baron about 45 minutes later when word made it back to you that they needed to see you in the trainer’s office again.

“Again?” Baron asked with a frown, wiping his face with a napkin.

“Maybe they need to draw blood again? Something went wrong?” You wondered out loud. “I’ll be right back.”

Baron mumbled an “alright” around his mouthful of food, making you roll your eyes fondly at him.

You knocked on the doorframe to the trainer’s room and stuck your head through the door.

“Oh good, you’re here.” The doctor waved you in.

“Yeah, is everything okay?” You asked, entering the room.

“Um… yes. Everything is good.” He answered hesitantly. “You… may want to sit down.”

“Okay, you’re kinda worrying me.” You drawled, sinking into the chair.

“I’m afraid I can’t let you compete tonight.” He finally let you know. Your blood ran cold as your body went numb. “There were some unexpected readings in the test results, so we ran a few extra tests…”

“E-excuse me?” You stuttered.

“The test-”

“There must be some mistake.” You rushed to cut him off, starting to panic. “Doc, I don’t take anything! I never have! I take advil and midol, that’s it. I’m not on anything!”

“I know, it’s okay.” The doctor tried to calm you down.

“Then what is it?”

“The test showed signs of HCG.” He explained. “Also known as the pregnancy hormone.”

The room span for a moment, and if you thought your blood had run cold before, it was nothing compared to the shock dousing your system now.

“Pregnancy hormone…” You parrotted in a daze, making sure you heard properly.

“Yes. By the levels, I would guess about a month along, maybe a month and a half.” He explained.

You sat silent, in a complete daze as you absorbed the information. You were pregnant. With a baby. With a human baby. With your baby. With yours and Baron’s baby. Baron.

“G-get Baron. Please.” You mumbled your request. The doctor nodded and stuck his head out of the room. You heard him ask someone to find Baron before he came back, crouching in front of you.

“Are you okay?” He asked, resting a hand on your knee.

“Pregnant…” You muttered.

“Yes.” He nodded, watching you closely with concerned eyes. “I’m guessing this is not exactly planned.”

You shook your head. You wanted kids of course, but thought maybe in 5 years, 10 years. After you were married at the very least. Not now.

“Is there anything I can get you? Water? Do you need to lie down?”

You shook your head in response. The doctor stopped trying to talk to you, you were clearly not in the right mind frame to absorb any information. Your thoughts were swimming.

“What’s going on? What’s wrong?” Baron’s voice cut through the fog as he ran into the room. You reached for him and he dropped to his knees beside you, hugging you closely. When you didn’t answer him, he turned to the doctor. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“The blood work from the wellness test…” The doctor trailed off, realizing through Baron’s stern glare that he was less interested in the details. “It appears the two of you are expecting.”

“Expecting?” Baron snapped. “Expecting what?”

“A baby…” You whispered.

“A ba-” He started to question before the shock started to hit him. “Did you just say…”

You nodded in response, pulling back far enough to look at his face. As scared as you were, you needed to know how he was feeling. With the news being so fresh, there was nothing but absolute shock on his face.

“I’ll leave the two of you for a minute.” The doctor, who you had honestly forgotten was there, bowed out of the room, closing the door to give the two of you privacy.

“You’re pregnant?” Baron asked, his voice so quiet. Baron wasn’t a quiet guy, his booming voice usually dominating whatever room he was in. It felt wrong to have him sound so small.

“I guess so.” You breathed.

“But we always…” Baron trailed off, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Nothing is 100%.” You shrugged. The silence sat heavy in the room while the two of you tried to figure it all out.

“What do we do?” You finally broke the silence.

“Well… what do you want to do?” Baron asked.

“Me?”

“It’s easy for me to make a decision. It’s not my body or career on the line.” He pointed out.

“Are you saying…”

“I’m with you, whatever you decide.” He promised, a burning passion replacing the glazed look of shock in his eyes. “I fucking love you, and I’ve been pretty sure for a while that you’re it for me. I want to have a family with you but if you’re not ready, it can wait.”

“Baron…” You breathed, feeling the tears pooling in your eyes.

“We don’t even have to decide now. We have time, right? That’s how these things work? Let’s think about, okay?” He continued, running his hand through your hair. “It’s heavy… holy fuck, it’s a lot…” His eyes wandered away from you, the wheels in his head clearly turning as he thought about all the responsibilities that came with having a child.

You brought his attention back to you by cupping his cheek. “I love you. I love you so damn much right now.” You gushed, feeling the tears spill over. He pulled you into a deep, soothing kiss.

“We’ll figure it out.” He mumbled against your lips.

“We’ll figure it out.” You agreed.

“Daddy!” The little boy shrieked in happiness as Baron appeared through the curtain. The angry scowl he’d had on his face for the cameras melting in an instant.

“There’s my little man!” He crouched down, holding his arms out. You let go of Ryan’s hand so he could scurry into Baron’s arms. Baron scooped him up easily, holding him on his hip as he walked towards you.

Since Ryan’s birth you had made various random appearances, both in ring and backstage. You’d been a surprise entrant to two Women’s Royal Rumbles as well as appeared in promos as a part of a few of Baron’s storylines. THe WWE Universe knew the two of you were together, although they were beginning to compare you to John and Nikki: together for years with no wedding in sight.

Baron had proposed when you were 6 months pregnant, but you denied it. At first he’d been devastated, but you felt like he was proposing because you were pregnant. He understood and warned you he’d ask again. He did, the night of Ryan’s second birthday party. You were so exhausted - the normal day-to-day of a mother, plus Baron being back on the road, and adding on the party planning - you outright refused and called him selfish for asking. You felt bad after you’d gotten some sleep, but still didn’t feel like it was the right time.

“What’d you think, babe?” He asked you, pressing a kiss to your lips before you had a chance to answer.

“Yuck.” Ryan stuck his tongue out as he watched his parents kiss. Baron laughed and pressed a kiss to Ryan’s cheek in retaliation. The four year old laughed and tried to push Baron away.

“Well, don’t hate me but…” You trailed off, biting your lip. “I kinda missed the match.”

“What? Why?” Baron looked disappointed, a frown taking over his face.

“Wellness test.” You shrug.

“The joys of returning to The ‘E.” Baron joked.

“Well, that’s the thing…” You trailed off, fighting to keep the grin off your face.

“What are you trying to say, babe?” Baron asked, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

You couldn’t stop the smile as you purposely glanced at Ryan, then back at Baron. “What do you think I’m trying to say?”

“Again?” He breathed in disbelief.

“Again.” You nodded. Baron laughed and pulled you into a deep kiss, Ryan protesting and making gagging sounds the whole time.

“You gonna be knocked up everytime they test you?” He questioned you, a wide smile on his face.

“It takes two to tango mister, this isn’t just my fault.” You scoffed, batting him on the chest.

“I do love to tango.” Baron agreed with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

“What’s a tango?” Ryan asked, tired of being ignored.

“It’s a dance, sweetie.” You told him, ignoring the glint in Baron’s eye.

:”I wantsta tango.” Ryan declared.

“Not until you’re 30.” You joked, kissing your son on the temple.

“16.” Baron scoffed.

“You gonna stick to that rule if this one’s a girl?” You challenged, holding a hand over your stomach.

“40.” Baron corrected. “Maybe never.”

“That’s what I thought.” You grinned, shooting Ryan a silly look as he rested his head on Baron’s shoulder. The boy was clearly getting tired.

“You know,” he stated, catching your attention. “Two kids… I think it’s about time you let me put a ring on that finger.”

You rolled your eyes good naturedly, but then you took a second to think. Here you were, pregnant with another child, putting your career unexpetedly on hold for the second time. Maybe there wasn’t a ‘perfect time’ in the cards.

“Maybe you’re right.” You shrugged, smiling brightly when you saw the surprise on Baron’s face. He’d clearly been expecting you to deny him again. “Make a proper proposal of it and we’ll see where it gets us.”

“I already wasted two good proposals.” He pointed out, adjusting Ryan on his hip. “You’re not gonna make me waste a third, are you?”

“I could tell you, but what’s the fun in that?” You teased lightly, knowing you would say yes. You were damn ready to be married to this man. “Third time’s the charm, right?”

“Better be.” He grumbled, smile still on his face. He tilted his head towards Ryan, whose eyes were staying closed longer and longer every time he blinked. “Let’s get this one to bed, then we can celebrate.”

“Celebrate? I haven’t said yes yet.” You pointed out as the three of you made your way through the halls.

“Yet?” He smirked.

“Dammit!”

#Baron Corbin imagine #Baron Corbin fic #Baron Corbin fan fic #Baron Corbin fan fiction #Baron Corbin x OC #Baron Corbin x Reader #Baron Corbin reader insert #glowrious writings

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creek-cryptid-deluxe · 5 years

Text

WARNING: this is a sad post disguised with humor. Long and sad. My apologies for any tears you shed, any heartstrings that are pulled.

TL:DR at the bottom

Long ago, in an ancient time known as 2008, i journeyed to our local animal shelter looking for a murderous fluff ball, known as a cat. In order to make my way to the delightful little critters, I had to cross an open yard space that was fenced in so that dogs could frolic. As I crossed (slowly because i clearly needed to pet all the dogs, it was obviously the task i had to fight my way through to reach the cats), the beautiful creature pictured above trotted up to me, slamming her face into my leg. As I pet her, i noticed her bunny-like tail wiggling furiously. A shelter employee walked by, so i asked him about her and so i learned of her backstory:

Her name was Sarah. She was a poorly bred Australian Shepherd, as some absolute dumbshit had decided to breed two merle Aussie Shepherds together. Now any breeder (and even most non-breeders) have the good sense to know that you always breed merle colored dogs of any breed with a different coat color because there are a great many genetic risk factors that will adversely effect the pups resulting from that union. Sarah was one such pup. She was born entirely deaf, completely blind in her right eye (the one surrounded by white fur), and seemed to be able to see shadows out of the left but couldn't entirely see out of it. This made for a high energy, very intelligent working breed dog that was nearly untrainable due to her disabilities. It was these factors that had caused this beautiful baby to be surrendered to the shelter 5 times in the two years she had been alive. She was scheduled to be put down the next day as she was 'unadoptable'.

I couldn't let that happen, so I ended my quest for a cat, and brought her home for my father instead. The above pictures were from the first 9 months we had her. She was mischievous and incredibly nosey. She was definitely a challenge compared to a dog with all of its senses in tact. We essentially baby proofed the house, installed a doggie door to the backyard, & took her on loads of walks. We spent time with her to learn her quirks and preferences (like that you don't sneak up on her blind side to pet her because she will bite you, or that she will try to heard anyone under 4 ft tall by nipping them). She was a wonderful dog if you were willing to put in the work.

About a year after the adoption, my dad came home to find her barely concious, shaking in the yard. He immediately hoisted her into the care & rushed to her vet. After loads of testing, the vet discovered that she had experienced a massive seizure followed by a multitude of tiny seizures. They couldn't tell exactly how many. The vet told us that we could attempt to control them with medication, but at best she probably had 2 years left and that she'd never be her old spunky self, that she wouldn't behave like a dog at all because there was a very high chance she was brain damaged from the seizures. He said putting her down was a good option, but we didn't want to give up without a fight. So we started meditating the seizures (with monthly bloodwork) and working with her to give her a sense of normalcy and let her know we weren't giving up on her. We did the right thing because...

within about a year and a half, she was a dog again. A few things had changed permanently thought. She no longer vocalized at all (unless you rubbed her ears a certain way, the she made a deep moaning growl sound that let you know you were petting her ears properly), no longer licked anyone, was much more calm, and had put on some weight. We tried putting her on a diet per the vet's recommendation, but when we did she began to eat her poo, so we gave that up after about a week. She still loved pets, waited for my dad to get home by watching for the shadow of his car pulling in through the small gaps in the back fence, hit you with her face when she wanted attention, lived for walks, and was always very interested in what the people were eating.

7 months ago, I moved back in with my dad due to my declining health & an abusive (now ex) boyfriend (that's a can of worms that I'll open at a later date). I had put my service dog in the care of the lady who was my home aide at the time because Sarah was no longer dog friendly. She became my constant companion, looking out for me in that way dogs do when they can tell you aren't well. She only ever left my side to go outside, greet my dad, go for walks, eat, or go to the bathroom. She had begun having hip problems, so she wasn't allowed upstairs anymore (much like myself). We even had a nigh time routine. I would turn off my living room light, start steeping my bedtime tea, then take her for a short night walk, & give her a cookie as I finished making my tea. Then when my tea & reading was done, there was a 30 minute bedtime pet session, I'd get into bed, and she'd snuggle up in her bed. Then it got harder and harder for her to get up. A few days ago, she started having small seizures again.

Which brings us to today. The pictures above are from a few days ago. My beautiful girl would have been 10 in February. But this morning I woke up to hear her coughing, gasping, and gagging. I sat with her, petting her, as I called my dad at work. She was struggling to breathe. We took her to the vet immediately (well, as immediately as possible since it took us about 20 minutes to get her off the floor and into the car). The vet said it sounded like fluid in her lungs. She had a very high fever & really high blood pressure. They said even if they could figure that out & get it under control, they wouldn't be able to get the seizures under control again or help her with her legs because the front ones were starting to give as well. So we had to make the impossible decision to have her put down so that she wasn't in pain anymore. We sat and pet her, talking to her despite the fact that she couldn't hear a word, until she went to sleep. During the consult with the vet, my father's voice started to crack. I could tell I needed to be stoic & be there for him, so I was & reassured him that it was the right thing to do, that she wouldn't be suffering any more. By the end, he was sobbing. I'd never seen my father break down like this. Not even after his 4th wife passed (yes, you read that correctly FOURTH WIFE, but that's a story for another time). As we left, he tried to thank the staff because she's been at the same vet's office since we got her 8 years ago, but he couldn't get the words out. Instead he asked for pen and paper and wrote them a note (later he wrote an email).

Knowing how my father handles unpleasant matters, including grief, I knew he'd go back to work to distract himself and I offered to take care of cleaning out all her things. He dropped me off at home, and I sobbed as I gathered up all her old bones and toys that were beyond use. I gathered her beds, blankets, unused toys, and unused cookies & biscuits, called my grandma with the news and had her take me to the animal shelter we adopted her from so I could donate it all. When he got home, he thanked me for taking care of it all. I could see him breaking again (after all, his best friend wasn't here to greet him today), so I ordered pizza and ordered him to plant himself on my couch so we could watch silly shows and eat junk. He seemed ok, as long as he was distracted. Tomorrow, after my doctor, I may take him to play Pokemon Go. More distractions.

So there you have it. The beautiful tale of Sarah Hall, the blind deaf epileptic rescue Aussie. We made those last 8 yrs count & she made those last 8 yrs undoubtedly brighter. RIP Bunny Butt. ♡

TL;DL: rescued a deaf & visually impaired dog who was on death row, 8 yrs pass & today her reign as queen of our home and hearts has ended.

#dog #doggo #australian shepherd #sad story #RIP Bunny Butt

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livingafteryou · 7 years

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My story

[French version]

Hello tumblr. If I’m writing those few lines today, it’s to help myself getting better after I lived the unconceivable...

Because here, I hope to find support, and people who lived the same thing as me and I could talk to...

And because, maybe, one day, it might help someone else...

My name’s Julie (but on the internet I go by Silly), I’m 25. I’m married to a wonderful man and, in May 2015, we have decided that we were ready for the most wonderful adventure of all... Having a child.

Unfortunately, life had others plan for us apparently, and after putting obstacles on our way, life did the worst thing it could... taking our baby back. I was 3 month and a half pregnant when we had to say our last goodbye to our son, Richard...

If you want the full story, you will find it under the read more. Beware though, it’s long since I explain my whole story linked to that baby, and I describe the process of my IVF and my miscarriage, so it might not be really pleasant.

It will avoid as much as possible letting my emotion speak in that post, to keep it clear and easy to read, so it might seem a bit cold, but I’m a really emotional person and you will probably realise it later in the other posts I’ll do. But believe me though, I’ve been crying all along while writing this...

Being a mom is something that have always been obvious for me. It was in my soul, in my guts, I was made to be a mother. It was the only thing I always knew and wanted in my life, ever since I was a teenager. It was even painful sometimes. Having that motherly need but not being able to fulfill it, it’s hard. But I did it. I waited. Because I knew it: one day, I would be a mom. But I wanted to be a good mom, I wanted to do things the right way.

So when we were finally financially stable and ready, it was so wonderful.

But time passed. After a year, my gynecologist told us she wanted us to take some test, to be sure nothing was preventing me from getting pregnant. Now, I’m not a really positive person, I tend to see the glass half empty, so for me, it’s hard to keep hope there. And somehow, I just know that something is wrong. But I try to convince myself it’s not the case, and my husband does his best to help me keep hope.

Since my period are horribly painful for me, the gynecologist think that I might have an endometriosis, and she ask me to do a pelvic MRI. Inthe mean time, she ask my husband to have his sperm tested to checked that everything is fine. The MRI seem to confirm the endometriosis, and my gynecologist tell me I will need surgery to remove it. The tests results for my husband come back, and we have to swallow another bitter pill as they are negatives: my husband sperm is bad. The gynecologist give him some medecine to take and ask him to redo the test a month later to see if we can solve the problem that way, but no. Worst than that, the results are so bad that and IVF is our only hope.

As we are learning all that, my step-brother girlfriend (Let’s call them A. for him, and B. for her) get pregnant. They did not wanted kids, but they had unprotected sex for a whole year, and now they do not understand how this happened to them. B decide to keep the baby while A try to force her to abort, and we see them having a baby while I can’t even get pregnant naturally... I try to support B the best I can. Helping her by sending her pregnancy tips website, being there for her when A is being the biggest douche he can, but when the baby is finally born, I break down. I can’t even watch their daughter. It’s too hard for me. I know it’s a terrible reaction but I have no control over it, and B is making things worse by sending me thousands of pics of her daughters everyday (she later admitted to me that she knew that it was hurting me, but did it anyway...), while I cry my desperately empty womb every month. It take me month to finally be able to look at the baby, and it’s finally in tear that I take her in my arms for the first time. I may not be the best aunt, but I want to be there for her, even if it take time.

Around that time, my husband and I move from Marseille to go live in Belgium, where my whole family live, because my husband got a new job. My mom have two friends in the same situation as me. They are pregnant when we arrive in Belgium, and they gave us the number of the ferility specialist that took care of them. They tell us a lot of good thing about him and the hospital he work in have a really good reputation, so we decide to put every chance with us, and we contact him.

He make me do a laparoscopy and an hysterosopy to check on my uterus and confirm my endometriosis to know if we have to remove anything, and surprise! There is no endometriosis at all, the result of the IRM was a fake alarm. So my uterus is healthy and ready to start the treatment.

The treatment is constraining and unpleasant. I hate needles and having to make myself injections every morning and every night is really hard for me. My husband actually have to do it for me because I am physically unable to put a needle inside of my skin myself. Some of the injections are painful. But I do it. It’s worth it. It is so worth it. The egg retrieval is way more painful that I thought and I have to stay in bed for a few days after it. Actually, I stay in bed until the transfer.

The transfer happen 5 days after the retrieval, and I have to rest for three days after it to make it easier for the egg to implants itself. As stupid as it sound, I already start talking to my belly, and we give the embryo the nickname “Little Shrimp”.

On the 15th of May 2017, I go get my blood test for the pregnancy test, and I get a call from the hospital on my way home. I am pregnant. I broke into tears of joy and call my husband right away to tell him the good news. This is the best day of my life, and I will be radiating with joy and happiness for the next month (at least that’s what my family told me... I can’t tell, honestly, and right now, I am just crying remembering all that...)

The 1st of June, I go back to the hospital for the last blood test and ultrasound liked to the IVF procedure to confirm that the baby is developing. The 14th of June, I get my first real ultrasound with my new gynecologist in Belgium, and I can’t help but tear of seeing my little shrimp. We were both so happy.

During the night of the 16th, I get my first scare as I start bleeding, and we go to the hospital. After an ultrasound, the gynecologist tell us that it’s normal, it’s just due to the vaginal ultrasound I got on the 14th, and we have nothing to fear. We go back home exhausted but reassured...

On the 23th, I fall at my parents house, missing the step to enter their house. Everything seems normal at first but I start bleeding the next day, and we go back to the hospital, where I get another ultrasound. I have a bruise on my womb, but the baby is fine. The gynecologist tell me to rest for a few days. During that ultrasound, we see the baby moving for the first time, and I talk about nothing but that for the next week. My baby is a wriggly shrimp.

On the 12th of July, we go to see the gynecologist for the second pregnancy ultrasound (even though I already had two more in between). The gynecologist tell us that the baby have a mass on his belly, and my heart break. When he show us the mass, I broke into tears, as it is as big as the baby’s head... My husband have to leave the room because he feel sick. The gynecologist give us an emergency appointment at the hospital to make a morphological ultrasound and he ask me to make another blood test to check on the chromosomes of our baby. We leave the gynecologist office desperate and broken. My family try to cheer us up as we still don’t know what is going on, but it’s pointless.

The 18th of July, we have the morphological ultrasound and we finally know what’s happening... The mass in the baby’s belly is his bladder. The baby doesn’t have an urethra, and the urine is stuck in the bladder. It’s already hurting his kidneys. Plus, since the baby cannot pee, there is not amniotic fluid being produce, hence the lung of the baby cannot develop. Our little shrimp chance to survive the pregnancy are near 0, and in the case he would miraculously survive, his life expectancy would be counted in hours. Letting the pregnancy go until the end would also be risky for me and my womb.

We are asked to come back two days after to do a placenta test, and we have to take a decision... We choose to put a stop to the pregnancy, to avoid taking any risks for me, and because we do not want the baby to suffer. This is the hardest decision I ever had to take.

The 25th of July, we come back to the hospital. A midwife give me pills to prepare my womb for the day we will prompt the labour, and we meet the hospital therapist.

We come back on the 27th at 7am. I am put in a labour room and I am asked to do an enema. The midwife then put some pills inside my vagina to prepare the cervix, and then she put me on a drip to keep me hydrated and give my light painkillers. She explain me that, when my cervix will be ready, they will give me more medecine to really prompt the labour.

My body understand what is happening and start the labour by himself, without needing the meds. In a few minutes, I am in agony because of the pain caused by the contractions. The pain is so excruciating that I feel sick, I try to wake up and ask my husband for a bucket, but before he can give it to me I puke and end up on the bed, covered in bile since I hadn’t eaten anything, feeling ashamed like I’ve never been. This is the first time in my life that I didn’t had the time to get to a bucket or to the toilet before being sick. My husband go get the midwife and they help me clean myself. The anesthesist come to give me the epidural. The midwife tell me it’s gonna take at least half an hour to start being efficient.

After a few minutes, I feel a weird “plop” in my belly, and suddenly the pain is gone. My relief will only last a few minutes though, and the pain come back crashing, making me feel sick again. This time, the bucket is beside me, but with the spasms linked to me being sick and the epidural starting to be efficient, I lost control over my body and I feel that I pee on myself. I feel even more ashamed that I already was, and I want nothing but for this day to end. My husband go get the midwife again, and she tell me that it’s actually my water that broke. She tell me that this shouldn’t be that much long anymore, and that she will come back in a while to check on my cervix. The epidural is finally being efficient and I manage to relax a bit. When the midwife come back, she tell me that she actually can feel the head of the baby, and that she’s going to get the labour tray. While she go get it, I try to straighten up a bit because the epidural in my back in bothering me. Before I can realize what is happening, my baby is between my legs and I ask my husband to go get the midwife quick.

The 27th of July 2017, at 1:25pm, my son was born, dead. The midwife take him to go clean him, and the gynecologist come to take care of the placenta. They have to anesthetize me because the placenta won’t come off by itself, and they have to go get it. I feel everything. The pain is horrible.

When I come back to my room, they bring me my baby and I can finally hold him in my arms. It’s a boy, we name him Richard. We had a comforter for him, we gave it to the midwife so he will have it with him in his last home. It’s the hospital that take care of giving him to the funeral service. Our little shrimp weight 90gr.... After everything I went through that day, I finally break down into tears as I hold my dead son in my arms. After a while, we let the midwife leave with him. She takes pictures of him and do an imprint of his feet, that she gave to us the next day when we leave...

We go back home on the 28th of July, empty, broken...

And now... Now we just try to keep going... To keep living...

After Richard. After our son...

After you...

#miscarriage #baby #pregnancy loss #mourning

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anditjustmadeherkind · 7 years

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Diana Wrayburn

“There,” Diana said, checking the bandage on Gwyn’s arm one last time. “I wish I could give you an iratze, but . . .”

She let her voice trail off, feeling silly. She was the one who had insisted they go to her rooms in Alicante so she could bandage his wound, and Gwyn had been quiet ever since.

He had slapped his horse’s flank after they’d climbed from it into her window, sending it soaring into the sky.

She’d wondered as he looked around her room, his bicolored eyes taking in all the visible traces of her life—the used coffee mugs, the pajamas thrown into a corner, the ink-stained desk—whether she’d made the right decision bringing him here. She had let so few people into her personal space for so many years, showing only what she wanted to show, controlling access to her inner self so carefully. She had never thought the first man she allowed into her room in Idris would be an odd and beautiful faerie, but she knew when he winced violently as he sat down on her bed that she had made the right call.

She’d gritted her teeth in sympathetic pain as he started to peel away his barklike armor. Her father had always kept extra bandages in the bathroom; when she returned from her trip there, gauze in hand, she found Gwyn shirtless and grumpy-looking on her rumpled blanket, his brown hair almost the same color as her wooden walls. His skin was several shades paler, smooth and taut over bones that were just a shade alien.

“I do not need to be ministered to,” he said. “I have always bandaged my own wounds.”

Diana didn’t answer, just set about making a field dressing. Sitting behind him as she worked, she realized it was the closest she’d ever been to him. She’d thought his skin would feel like bark, like his armor, but it didn’t: It felt like leather, the very softest kind that was used to make scabbards for delicate blades.

“We all have wounds that are sometimes better cared for by someone else,” she said, setting the box of bandages aside.

“And what of your wounds?” he said.

“I wasn’t injured.” She got to her feet, ostensibly to prove to him that she was fine, walking and breathing. Part of it was also to put some distance between them. Her heart was skipping beats in a way she didn’t trust.

“You know that is not what I meant,” he said. “I see how you care for those children. Why do you not just offer to head the Los Angeles Institute? You would make a better leader than Arthur Blackthorn ever did.”

Diana swallowed, though her mouth was dry. “Does it matter?”

“It matters in that I wish to know you,” he said. “I would kiss you, but you draw away from me; I would know your heart, but you hide it in shadow. Is it that you do not like or want me? Because in that case I will not trouble you.”

There was no intention to cause guilt in his voice, only a plain statement of fact.

If he had made a more emotional plea, perhaps she would not have responded. As it was, she found herself crossing the room, picking up a book from the shelf by the bed. “If you think there’s something I’m hiding, then I suppose you’re right,” she said. “But I doubt it’s what you think.” She raised her chin, thinking of her namesake, goddess and warrior, who had nothing to apologize for. “It’s nothing I did wrong. I’m not ashamed; I’ve no reason to be. But the Clave—” She sighed. “Here. Take this.”

Gwyn took the book from her, solemn-faced. “This is a book of law,” he said.

She nodded. “The laws of investiture. It details the ceremonies by which Shadowhunters take on new positions: how one is sworn in as Consul, or Inquisitor, or the head of an Institute.” She leaned over him, opening the book to a well-examined page. “Here. When you’re sworn in as the head of an Institute, you must hold the Mortal Sword and answer the Inquisitor’s questions. The questions are law. They never change.”

Gwyn nodded. “Which of the questions is it,” he said, “that you do not want to answer?”

“Pretend you are the Inquisitor,” Diana said, as if he hadn’t spoken. “Ask the questions, and I will answer as if I’m holding the Sword, entirely truthfully.”

Gwyn nodded. His eyes were dark with curiosity and something else as he began to read aloud. “Are you a Shadowhunter?”

“Yes,” said Diana.

“Were you born a Shadowhunter, or did you Ascend?”

“I was born a Shadowhunter.”

“What is your family name?”

“Wrayburn.”

“And what was the name you were given at birth?” asked Gwyn.

“David,” said Diana. “David Laurence Wrayburn.”

Gwyn looked puzzled. “I do not understand.”

“I am a woman,” said Diana. “I always have been. I always knew I was a girl, whatever the Silent Brothers told my parents, whatever the contradiction of my body. My sister, Aria, knew too. She said she’d known it from the moment I could talk. But my parents—” She broke off. “They weren’t unkind, but they didn’t know the options. They told me I should live as myself at home, but in public, be David. Be the boy I knew I wasn’t. Stay under the radar of the Clave.

“I knew that would be living a lie. Still, it was a secret the four of us kept. Yet with every year my crushing despair grew. I withdrew from interaction with other Shadowhunters our age. At every moment, waking and sleeping, I felt anxious and uncomfortable. And I feared I would never be happy. Then I turned eighteen. My sister was nineteen. We went to Thailand together to study at the Bangkok Institute. I met Catarina Loss there.”

“Catarina Loss,” said Gwyn. “She knows. That you are—that you were—” He frowned. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how to say it. That you were named David by your parents?”

“She knows,” Diana said. “She didn’t know at the time. In Thailand, I lived as the woman I am. I dressed as myself. Aria introduced me as her sister. I was happy. For the first time I felt free, and I chose a name for myself that embraced that freedom. My father’s weapons shop had always been called Diana’s Arrow, after the goddess of the hunt, who was proud and free. I named myself Diana. I am Diana.” She took a ragged breath. “And then my sister and I went out to explore an island where it was rumored there were Thotsakan demons. It turned out not to be demons at all, but revenants— hungry ghosts. Dozens of them. We fought them, but we were both injured. Catarina rescued us. Rescued me. When I woke up in a small house not far away, Catarina was caring for us. I knew she had seen my injuries—that she had seen my body. I knew she knew . . .”

“Diana,” said Gwyn in his deep voice, and stretched out a hand. But Diana shook her head.

“Don’t,” she said. “Or I won’t be able to get through it.” Her eyes were burning with unshed tears.

“I pulled the rags of my clothes around my body. I screamed for my sister. But she was dead, had died while Catarina ministered to her. I broke down completely then. I had lost everything. My life was destroyed. That’s what I thought.” A tear slipped down her face. “Catarina nursed me back to health and sanity. I was in that cottage with her for weeks. And she talked to me. She gave me words, which I’d never had, as a gift. It was the first time I heard the word ‘transgender.’ I broke into tears. I had never realized before how much you can take from someone by not allowing them the words they need to describe themselves. How can you know there are other people like you, when you’ve never had a name to call yourself? I know there must have been other transgender Shadowhunters, that they must have existed in the past and exist now. But I have no way to search for them and it would be dangerous to ask.” A flicker of anger at the old injustice sharpened her voice. “Then Catarina told me of transitioning. That I could live as myself, the way I needed to and be acknowledged as who I am. I knew it was what I wanted.

“I went with Catarina to Bangkok. But not as David. I went as Diana. And I did not go as a Shadowhunter. I lived with Catarina in a small apartment. I told my parents of Aria’s death and that I was Diana now: They replied that they had told the Council that David was the one who had died. That they loved me and understood, but that I must live in the mundane world now, for I was seeing mundane doctors and that was against the law.

“It was too late for me to stop them. The Clave was told that David had died out on the island, fighting revenants. They gave David my sister’s death, a death with honor. I wished they had not lied, but if they had to wear white for the boy who was gone, even if he’d never really existed, I couldn’t deny them that.

“Catarina had worked as a nurse for years. She knew mundane medicine. She brought me to a clinic in Bangkok. I met others like myself there. I wasn’t alone any longer. I was there for three years. I never planned to be a Shadowhunter again. What I was gaining was too precious. I couldn’t risk being discovered, having my secrets flayed open, being called by a man’s name, having who I was denied.

“Through the years, Catarina guided me through the mundane medical procedure that gave me the body in whose skin I felt comfortable. She hid my unusual test results from the doctors so they would never be puzzled by my Shadowhunter blood.”

“Mundane medicine,” Gwyn echoed. “It is forbidden, is it not, for a Shadowhunter to seek out mundane medical treatment? Why did Catarina not simply use magic to aid you?”

Diana shook her head. “I wouldn’t have wanted that,” she said. “A magic spell can always be undone by another spell. I will not have the truth of myself be something that can be dissolved by a stray enchantment or passing through the wrong magical gate. My body is my body—the body I have grown into as a woman, as all women grow into their bodies.”

Gwyn nodded, though Diana couldn’t tell if he understood. “So that is what you fear,” was all he said. “I’m not afraid for myself,” said Diana.

“I’m afraid for the children. As long as I’m their tutor, I feel like I can protect them in some way. If the Clave knew what I’d done, that I’d sought out mundane doctors, I’d wind up in prison under the Silent City. Or in the Basilias, if they were being kind.”

“And your parents?” Gwyn’s face was unreadable. Diana wished he would give her some kind of sign. Was he angry? Would he mock her? His calmness was making her pulse race. “Did they come to you? You must have missed them.”

“I feared to expose them to the Clave.” Diana’s voice hitched. “Each time they spoke of a clandestine visit to Bangkok, I put them off. And then the news came that they had died, slain in a demon attack. Catarina was the one who told me. I wept all night. I could not tell my mundane friends of my parents’ deaths because they would not understand why I didn’t return home for a funeral.

“Then news came of the Mortal War. And I realized I was still a Shadowhunter. I could not let Idris suffer peril without a fight. I returned to Alicante. I told the Council that I was the daughter of Aaron and Lissa Wrayburn. Because that was the truth. They knew there had been a brother and a sister and the brother had died: I gave my name as Diana. In the chaos of war, no one questioned me.

I rose up as Diana in battle. I fought as myself, with a sword in my hand and angel fire in my veins. And I knew I could never go back to being a mundane. Among my mundane friends I had to conceal the existence of Shadowhunters. Among the Shadowhunters I had to hide that I had once used mundane medicine. I knew either way I would have to hide a part of myself. I chose to be a Shadowhunter.” “

Who else has known all this? Besides Catarina?”

“Malcolm knew. There is a medicine I must take, to maintain the balance of my body’s hormones —I usually get it from Catarina, but there was a time she couldn’t do it, and had Malcolm make it. After that, he knew. He never directly held it over my head, but I was always aware of his knowledge. That he could hurt me.”

“That he could hurt you,” Gwyn murmured. His face was a mask. Diana could hear her heart beating in her ears. It was as if she had come to Gwyn with her heart in her hands, raw and bleeding, and now she waited for him to produce the knives.

“All my life I’ve tried to find the place to be myself and I’m still looking for it,” said Diana.

“Because of that, I have hidden things from people I loved. And I have hidden this from you. But I have never lied about the truth of myself.”

What Gwyn did next surprised Diana. He rose from the bed, took a step forward, and went down on his knees in front of her. He did it gracefully, the way a squire might kneel to a knight or a knight to his lady. There was something ancient in the essence of the gesture, something that went back to the heart and core of the folk of Faerie.

“It is as I knew,” he said. “When I saw you upon the stairs of the Institute, and I saw the fire in your eyes, I knew you were the bravest woman ever to set foot on this earth. I regret only that such a fearless soul was ever hurt by the ignorance and fear of others.”

“Gwyn . . .”

“May I hold you?” he asked.

She nodded. She couldn’t speak. She knelt down opposite the leader of the Wild Hunt and let him take her into his broad arms, let him stroke her hair and murmur her name in his voice that still sounded like the rumble of thunder—but now it was thunder heard from inside a warm, closed house, where everyone was safe inside.

#shadowhunters #tda #the dark artifices #Diana Wrayburn #Gwyn ap Nudd #Diana x Gwyn #Gwyn x Diana #spoilers #tda spoilers #the dark artifices spoilers

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ninetyfivepercentdantomasik · 7 years

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Great Series: My Hero Academia

Characters of Note:

Tsuyu Asui, aka Sue, aka “Froppy”

Katsuki Bakugo, aka Kacchan, aka “King/Lord Explosion Murder”

Toshinori Yagi, aka “All Might”

Chizome Akaguro, aka “Hero Killer Stain”

Here’s a series that’s going places. And you’re going to underestimate it. Trust me. How do I know? I sure as hell underestimated it. I saw the covers, then read a chapter and then dismissed it completely. Every so-called “Quirk” seemed either useless or just boring. From that brief glance the series came off as generic, bland, corny, cheesy, and ultimately unimpressive. Boy do I feel foolish.

From the very first chapter this series proved itself a cut above the rest; offering a clear sense of direction & purpose, interesting character development, excellent action, and a timeless and well-executed moral about being a hero. Definitely one of the strongest pilots I’ve read. Shame that couldn’t have been the chapter I first found of it so I could have given this series the attention it deserved a year ago. The chapter I actually read was in the first volume, but lacked the momentum and background established in the chapters before it, making it come off as very weak.

(It was the Quirk-Enhanced Standard Fitness Exam)

We live in an age of superheroes. Movies, television, books, clothing, amusement parks, video games; they’re friggin’ everywhere. Where do we trace this New Age of Heroes back to? 5 years ago for The Avengers? 10 years to Iron Man and The Dark Knight? 18 years to X-Men and Spiderman? 20+ years ago to the Batman and Superman Animated Series? Hell, this is just my timeline for my age, it keeps going for others. I guess the point that needs to be made is superheroes haven’t just been popular recently, this has been going on for decades. New heroes, new stories, new genres, new breakthroughs; so much has been explored and continues to be explored. How does a series stand out in an ocean of similar products all vying for reader attention? Quality.

So many hero stories put the cart before the horse; the superpowers before the heroes. We judge heroes by how powerful they are, paying much less attention to the person behind the power. What makes each of the characters below great is not their Quirks, but their character. Yes, that sounds redundant. Bear with me.

A fantastic model for not judging a book by its cover, Tsuyu Asui comes off as a trivial, even silly character. Her Quirk is “Frog Girl”; akin to Spiderman, The Lizard, or Squirrel Girl. She can do basically whatever a frog can. Stick to surfaces, stretch out her tongue, leap great distances, move quickly underwater, and regurgitate her stomach. Sounds comical, menial, and in one case unnecessarily gross. Keep laughing, she’s one of the top students in her class and more likely than many to go pro as a hero. She’s level-headed, quick to react, perceptive, and takes initiative. This applies to everything from sudden disasters in real time to smacking perverted classmates in the classroom. Split-second decision making and the ability to flexibly adapt to every situation that presents itself, no matter how unexpected, has revealed her to be a young heroine of great promise. What’s more, being constantly underestimated and disregarded by friend & foe alike provides her with a never-ending supply of openings to act. That adorable froggy face is the last one you’d expect to kick your ass or get the better of you. You see a comic relief hero, a fun idea but not a character you’d ever take seriously without a more standard ability like super strength. The reality of hero situations is that there’s much more to it than power vs power. Outside influences, environmental factors, tactical oversights, motive or lack thereof, state of mind, power scale; any one of these factors can be the difference between victory and defeat. Only the foolish try to settle everything with overwhelming power.

....Which brings us to our next hero, Katsuki Bakugo, better known as Kacchan. A great take on the antihero rival, Kacchan is one of the most explosive personalities you’ll ever meet, to good effect. He starts out as a bully with a particularly powerful and intimidating Quirk (quite fittingly, “Explosions”), but by the end of the pilot had already begun transforming into the conflicting and unstable young man we know and love. Kacchan shoulders the responsibilities of the Rival, the Genius, the Antihero, the Rebel, and the Angry Comic Relief; all in one package. The result is a hot-headed teenager who gets on a lot of people’s nerves with his confidence and attitude, but earns his title of “genius”. His solution to almost everything is battle; same time, he actually has a good head for resolving all of his problems this way. As a student he performs well, albeit with a cocky attitude towards everyone else, and as a hero he can think up new strategies and inventive uses of his Quirk on the fly. No matter what test or challenge they throw at him, he acts decisively and without hesitation. To be honest, he’s found very few challenges that cannot be resolved with some variation on a handful of exploding pain, but he’s definitely someone who belongs in the superhero industry. Even so, his powers are only an extension of his natural combat ability, which allows him to outthink and outmaneuver almost every foe, and turns his exploding blows into a strong argument for the opponent to stay down and accept the loss. His biggest weakness, not surprisingly, is his temper, which has only three settings:

1. Casual Death Threats

2. Focused Anger

3. DIE!!!!

Kacchan is so used to winning and beating anyone who opposes him that he reacts very poorly to people that continue getting up. He disregards strategy and goes straight for the kill, or overkill. And if he gets fooled or cheated by any opponent, he becomes absolutely livid. Which is also hilarious. Gotta love a guy who threatens to set you on fire if you don’t move.

Then there’s the Big Guy. The Symbol of Peace in our time, the #1 Hero in the world, All Might. A big part of my staying away from this series was this guy. He just looks so goofy and unbearably cheesy, a big, smiling mix-up of Thor, Superman, and Captain Falcon. God he seems so stupid. FOOL! What instantly won me over in this series was actually meeting All Might in the pilot. When his facade fades away and you see the man underneath the blustering model of super-manliness, something immediately clicked. From the model of almighty (oh.... that’s where the name comes from), he becomes the epitome of weakness. This guy probably couldn’t take Billy Bat in a schoolyard fight. The truth behind All Might is that he’s barely hanging on. A debilitating wound from an enemy 5 years prior to the series nearly destroyed his respiratory system and necessitated his stomach being removed. Every day he can hold his hero form a little less, every time he pushes himself he shortens his life, and soon he may not be able to transform at all. It’s feeling the weight of how far an injury can take you that really adds depth to All Might. In his normal form, he’s practically a skeleton, prone to coughing up blood every time he laughs or opens his mouth. We judge most heroes by the battles at the peak of their strength, but All Might’s greatest battle is just surviving with his gaunt, emaciated body. It’s devastating to think that someone so iconic of power and durability, with nothing else besides them, could die on a hospital bed a shriveled-up thing. We don’t want Superman to die of cancer, we want him to die in battle giving his all against the greatest foe of his superhero career. Preferably a god or something.

Last but not least we have the Hero Killer Stain. Imagine Slade Wilson with more conviction but less stability. Before he was caught, Stain had murdered 17 heroes and seriously injured dozens more. His Quirk allows him to temporarily paralyze anyone once he’s tasted their blood. A Quirk that only has tactical application if you can get in close, wound your opponent, and lick them. What’s that mean for Stain? Means he’s a tough-ass motherf***er. Since his Quirk can only be used as an endgame, he’s taking on all these professional heroes with nothing but skill and stamina. The guy is a blur of blades and unpredictable movements, setting up multiple attacks with every move he makes while dodging and avoiding his enemies attacks. Unlike others, there’s no hint that he plans out his attacks beforehand, no studying or researching his targets, no strategy besides find ‘em, cut ‘em, and kill ‘em. If such a frightening level of combat skill weren’t enough, his dedication and resolve have shaken many heroes and even villains. Stain was a former hero who dropped out after perceiving what he saw as a perversion of true heroism. Heroes in it for attention, status, wealth, or glory; heroes in it for themselves, not for doing good. He preached this for some time, then decided words alone weren’t enough. Thus began his purge. If anything could be more terrifying for a hero than dying to a crazy villain, it would be dying to a crazy villain who sees you more clearly than you see yourself. That’s the last stone in the temple of Stain, that conviction that lets him clearly see some for heroes worth respecting and others for posers only deserving death. Seeing him escape custody to kill a monster and save a teenage hero who helped bring him down, then stand, broken ribs, punctured lung, burned head, and broken weapons, against pros and amateur heroes alike, ready to take them all on. Seeing him refuse to go down except to a true hero. As his moniker applies, Stain has left a mark on heroes and villains everywhere.

#great series #great characters #my hero academia #all might #tsuyu #froppy #bakugo #kacchan #stain #hero killer #superheroes #die

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mikeyd1986 · 7 years

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MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 75, October 2017

The past few days have been really difficult for me to say the least. I can already feel that I’m in a state of transition right now after walking away from my current personal trainer Luke Davey last Friday. It was an extremely tough decision for me as I was hoping that things would get better and that we could turn a corner somehow. But the reality is that I just wasn’t happy training there anymore. No amount of self-help books, positive affirmations and friendly exchanges could cover up how I was truly feeling inside...uncertain, depressed, frustrated, misunderstood, conflicted, upset and hurt. I needed to move on.

Does it make me a bad person to want to change personal trainers? Hell no! I don’t think so. My biggest problem has always been worrying what other people will think and how they will react to my decisions. Am I making the right choice? Am I being too sensitive? Am I giving up too easily? Nope. I’m simply doing what’s best for me. From my perspective, there’s no bad blood between myself and Luke at all and I really appreciate everything he has done for me. He has helped me achieve many of my fitness goals. He has challenged me physically, mentally and emotionally. I’ve learned lots of new skills, movements and techniques.

So no, I don’t regret any of it at all. I just hope that Luke can accept and respect my decision as well. I’m really proud of myself for being open and honest with Luke as well as ending this PT-client relationship on respectful and peaceful terms.

Here is a list of achievements I’ve made with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness:

Losing 20kg of body weight (from 105 to 85kg)

Building up lean muscle in my arms, legs, glutes, hamstrings, back, buttocks etc.

Learning the correct techniques, forms and movements for doing deadlifts, back squats, front squats, bench press and dumbbell bench press

Completing many AMRAPs (As Many Reps As Possible), EMOTM (Every Minute on the Minute), 3-4 rounds and time based workouts

Learning how to do stretches, box jumps, push ups, ring rows, using the balance board, kettle bell swings, single arm kettle bell lifts, squats, walking lunges and burpees

Improved my squat depth and weight lifting ability

Learning how to deal with anxiety, depression, fear, stress, overthinking, self-doubt, self confidence issues and believing in myself

On Monday morning, I went to my Yin yoga class with Kelly Wallis at Now, Yoga. in Narre Warren South. I kinda embarrassed myself this morning as I expected to see Kelly the moment I walked into the studio but instead saw another lady at the desk and instantly assumed that she was filling in. Whoops! But I let that moment go pretty quickly. It was moderately full class with about 10 students or so. I haven’t been to one of Kelly’s classes in a long time and I’ve missed her style of teaching.

Today there was a lot of focus on doing long holds and supported variations of poses including Standing Forward Bend, Yogic Squat, Sphinx pose, Puppy pose, Cow Face pose, Reclining Single Leg Spinal Twist and Child’s pose. And for the first time in the eight years I’ve been doing yoga, everyone had a literally chuck a temper tantrum. Normally, I hardly ever give myself permission to act silly or make lots of loud noises but today was the exception. And it felt great...releasing negative emotions like anger, frustration, guilt, shame, regret is so important and trust Kelly to come up with the idea. It was brilliant! http://nowyoga.net.au/

On Monday night, I revisited The Yard Strength & Fitness in Pakenham for the first time since August. It felt good being back here. In some ways, it was the ace up my sleeve if things went pear shaped at UFT. You can call it jumping ship but I have honourable intentions behind it. I truly believe that I deserve to train in a place where I feel supported and encouraged by everyone there. Part of me will miss being at UFT PLAYgrounds but I know in myself that I’ve made the right decision in leaving. I have to keep moving forward. https://www.facebook.com/TheYardStr...

Tonight I did a Bootcamp class with two other girls, Eliza and Ebony, and it was run by Stacey Kett. We warmed up by doing some kettle bell swings and runs up and down the carpark. It honestly felt like I was doing the beep test back in high school PE class. Next we did a series of movements at 25 seconds each including KB squats, bar knee tucks, KB swings, squat bar jumps, KB high lifts, plank holds with KB touch and push ups.

The final part involved an eight round TABATA doing plank holds. I was pretty much shaking and pouring with sweat at this point. My foam yoga mat was covered in it. But that meant that I really worked hard tonight. None of the tough emotional issues from last week were going to bring me down. I also feel like I’m improving heaps with my push ups, squats, running and plank holds.

After the Bootcamp class, I had a brief chat with Abhishek Ashokkumar from Silverback Training Co. about the possibility of him becoming my next personal trainer. Honestly, I was a little nervous and weary as I normally am meeting new people but I felt comfortable enough to tell him about my goals, my mental health issues, what happened between me and Luke and why I want him to train me. I’m looking for someone who is compassionate, supportive, encouraging, patient and kind. Hopefully Abhi can deliver on those fronts. One step at a time. https://www.facebook.com/silverback...

On Tuesday morning, I had my feedback session with Dr. Yasmin Baliz at CNS: Comprehensive Neuropsychological Services in Narre Warren. I was feeling a bit nervous waiting for Yasmin to arrive the reception area with my mum sitting across from me. Today was the day that I’ll find out either way whether I sit on the Autism Spectrum or not. We sat in the same room that we were in during the first appointment, with the same white plush leather sofas, black glass coffee table, fake palms and artificial cricket/tadpole noises from the Rainforest Room next door.

So the moment of truth...I’ve been officially diagnosed with High Functioning Autism, which is essentially a mild form of Autism. Characteristics for diagnosis include difficulties with social interaction in groups, poor social skills, difficulties with verbal and non-verbal communication, prefers routine and predictable environments, prefers independent activities and finds sensory environments to be overwhelming. It was a lot of information to process in that session but thankfully there is lots of support and resources out there to understand it better. http://www.cnspsych.com.au/process....

Yasmin left me with the “The Autism Spectrum Information Booklet” and will be posting me out the report on my results from the assessment. I feel better knowing that there is an underlying cause for my thoughts, feelings, emotions and behaviour particularly in social situations that were often difficult to explain to others. There is a strong genetic component with a cousin on my Mother’s side also having Autism and there have been signs since childhood that I may be predisposed to it. But at least I know now so it’s like a veil’s been lifted. http://www.autism-help.org/autism-h...

On Tuesday night, I attended the Mental Health & Wellbeing seminar at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. Sadly there wasn’t a big attendance at tonight’s event with most staff members taking up the semi-circle of folded chairs but I still felt like I got a lot out of the presentation. https://www.caseyarc.ymca.org.au/wh...

The first presenter was a guy named James who is a personal trainer and an ambassador for Beyond Blue. He has suffered with depression and suicidal thoughts since the age of 13, going through periods of low self-esteem, self harm, substance abuse and denial. It took him many attempts to overcome his depression with several relapses and various psychologists but eventually he pulled through it. His strategies include finding a psychologist with similar values, being open about how you’re thinking and feeling and doing productive activities such as reading, going to the gym, hanging out with mates. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/conne...

The second presenter was Dr. James Collard who is a clinical psychologist and representative from CBT Australia. His talk on mental health was more in depth and academic, exploring where emotions come from, the biological, social and psychological aspects, the effects of depression and anxiety, dealing with anger and problem behaviours and using self-care strategies to help cope with mental health issues. He provided quite a few examples from young clients and parents who he has worked with over the years which I found to be quite relatable. https://www.cbtaustralia.com.au/

On Thursday morning, I attended my Body Balance class with Wendy Lynne Perrow at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. It was a really great feeling to walk into that group fitness studio and be welcomed by Wendy as soon as I stepped onto the mat...”It’s lovely to see you again Michael. Welcome back.” Sometimes that’s all you need, that acknowledgement, to know that somebody else cares about you and it’s what I needed in that moment. Truthfully, I’ve missed Wendy’s classes as well.

Today we did release number 69 which featured the following exercises: Tai-Chi Warmup (Overhead circles, Wide legged arm sweeps, Soft blocks), Sun Salutations (Forward fold, Downward Facing Dog, Plank, Baby Cobra), Standing Strength (Warrior 2, Sun Warrior), Balance (Aeroplane pose, Dancer’s pose), Pilates (Double arm and leg extensions, Double D, Threading the Needle), Twists (Seated open and closed twist, Butterfly pose) and Hamstring Stretches (Staff pose with legs crossed, Wide Legged Forward Fold) and Relaxation. https://grandnat.co.uk/what-already...

The thing I really appreciate about Wendy’s classes is her patience and guidance, allowing us all to take different options if we need to and not worry if the poses or movements aren’t “perfect”. She always has a way of making the class enjoyable for everyone and when it comes to the Relaxation, she is the undisputed queen of Guided Meditations. Her voice is so gentle and calming. I could easily drift off to sleep if I wanted to! https://www.lesmills.com/workouts/f... On Friday morning, I had my Body Combat class with Cinamon Guerin at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. So today’s class was a little different than usual. Firstly, it’s a longer class at 55 minutes and there was many more people participating, probably around 30 or so. There was also a small group of women down the front who were loud, extroverted and singing along with the tracks. I made the choice to not let them bother me nor do I necessarily have to be like them or copy what they’re doing. Just focus on being myself and doing my own workout.

There were quite a few challenging sections in this morning’s class especially doing dynamic lunges and front kicks. It always messes with my balance and I find it difficult to keep up the pace. But otherwise I was doing fine. I put a lot of effort in and could feel a huge emotional release during the jab boxes. You just get to the point where you’ve had enough of dealing with negativity and people who bring you down. So it felt good getting all of that out of my system today. https://www.lesmills.com/workouts/f...

“I can't fake it, it's never enough. It's got a hold on me. Left behind here, I can't keep up. Come get a hold of me. I was thinking if I could be tough. You'd wanna hold onto me. I will be your home, keep you warm when it's cold. I will try to be what you need when you're low. I can only promise the girl that I am. I'll do anything that I can.” Broods - Recovery (2016)

“Something tipped me over. Someone knocked me down. Emptied out my inside. Poured it on the ground. A cavern for a body, The deeper darker kind. For all I hear are echoes, Repeat inside my mind. I thought the shade around me, was making me feel blind. I thought I was a hero, but I was just a child.” Broods - Worth The Fight (2016)

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learning2loveyou-blog-blog · 7 years

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Here We Go Again ... The Schmelzers are Adopting!

Ever since that phone call came for Brooklyn, our lives have been full of more joy than we could have ever imagined. She is constantly making us laugh, amazing us with her understanding of the world, and reminding us that family and love is all that will ever really matter. Brooklyn has brought so much purpose and love to our lives, that we started asking ourselves two years ago if it was time to add another baby to the mix. Of course, we were both on board, and we started the journey of what we thought would bring us another baby.

Part 1 - Infertility Specialist

In the fall of 2015, I accepted a job as a teacher in Ankeny. It was great to have the opportunity to come home and teach in my hometown, and the decision has brought so many blessings to our family. Brooklyn is thriving at her daycare, we have access to many resources/activities, and we are just a crossed town from my parents. One amazing blessing that came to our family with my new position was access to great infertility insurance. Neither Bryan nor I had this benefit with any of our prior job positions. With the access to infertility insurance, doors were open that we could have never made happen during Brooklyn’s adoption. We had access to an infertility specialist, so we decided to explore this option. We felt it could either bring us a baby, or at least some answers as to our reasons behind our long history of unexplained infertility.

Our time with this infertility insurance was long, and not exactly fun. They quickly discovered that I had a softball size cyst, and I was in for my first surgery one month after starting our journey with the specialist. (This would be a recurring theme for us... for a later post). After the cyst was removed, the specialist was confident that our infertility issues may be resolved. We were sent on our way to see what may happen...

Nothing happen. So about nine months later, we were back at the specialist. Additional testing showed that the cyst had returned, and our likelihood of a pregnancy on our own was slim. The decision was made about one year into our journey with the specialist that Invitro Fertilization was likely our best and only option.

Part 2 - IVF Process

We started the IVF journey in October of 2016. It naturally began with lots of meetings, testing, and training. We had to meet with an insurance financial advisor and the nursing staff to learn about the process. I had to undergo some testing and IVF prep procedures to prepare for the process. We knew the process would be intense, but neither of us was prepared for what was in store.

I began the IVF stimulation shots over Christmas break. The process started off great, and I had a ton of energy. However, as the process continued I started to have a lot of pain and discomfort. Blood testing and ultrasounds confirmed that my estrogen levels were too high. The egg retrieval was scheduled early in hopes that the round would not be lost.

The day of the surgery went well. The doctor was able to retrieve 12 eggs. However, the transfer was canceled due to my estrogen levels still being dangerously high. I was given two full rounds of iv fluids to help my levels return to normal. The doctor was sure that I would be fine to return to work the next day if I took it easily.

Naturally, I went to work the next day.... because why not! Half way through the day, I realized something was wrong. I was miserable and in a ton of pain. I decided that I must have tried coming back to work too soon, so I went home around lunch to rest. By dinner, the pain was worse and I wasn’t able to keep any fluids down. To make things worse, I had gained 30+ of water weight in a day. After a call to the doctor and some testing, I was diagnosed with Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS). Basically, the shots had caused my levels to get dangerously high, and the result was the sudden onset of the bloating. The cure.. rest, time, and pain pills to help manage the pain. Our doctor made the call that my transfer needed to be postponed until all my symptoms of OHSS were resolved, so the eggs were frozen. (At this time, only three had survived the fertilization process... for another post).

During our break, we were dealt another blow to our IVF process. Due to the mess that came with the Collective Bargaining Agreement this winter, we learned that my school was dropping all infertility insurance coverage effective July 1st, 2017. By this time it was the middle of March, I was just starting to feel better. After a quick, and very panicked, call to our infertility specialist, our fears were confirmed. We would likely only get one, maybe two, attempts to an IVF transfer with this quickly closing July 1st date. We decided to go for it...

Our transfer was on March 31st. With the closing end date of our insurance, we decided to transfer two of our three embryos that survived the fertilization and freezing process. (Yes, it is typical to lose as many eggs as we did in this process.) After a very long two-week wait post the transfer, we got the news we had always dreamed about... WE WERE PREGNANT!

Part 3 - Ultimate Heartache

After the pregnancy news, we were floating on air. It was a happiness beyond either of us could have every imagined. We had our beautiful Brooklyn, and after six long years of hell, we were pregnant. In literally our last chance, God had performed our miracle, and we were going to have another baby... curiously due the week of Christmas 2017.

My pregnancy was wonderful, and I loved every minute of it. My belly was growing, and I loved the feeling of knowing our miracle baby was finally here. God had finally, after years and years of prayers and tears, given us a pregnancy. My blood work was phenomenal, and the doctor was happy with how everything was looking. All we had to do was eagerly await our first ultrasound.

That date came on May 1st, and I remember how nervous/excited both Bryan and I was. We kept asking each other if we thought it was multiples and what in the world we would do if God gave us more babies that we could even dream about. It is so silly now to look back at us in the moment, our worry was how many babies we would have after transferring two embryos. Little did we know, our biggest blow was just about to come.

I knew immediately something was wrong. I could read that nurse’s face instantly. She kept turning the sound on and off as she looked for a heartbeat, and she would mutter to herself. After the longest minutes of our life, the nurse told us that she needed a moment to consult with the doctor. We knew... we weren’t being blessed with multiples, we would be leaving with none.

It took about ten minutes for the doctor to come into our room. I remember just sitting there numb. Telling myself that this was a dream, and everything was going to be okay. The doctor was going to come in and find the baby. But, when he did come in, he didn’t even try. He just confirmed to us that I had likely miscarried. The baby was measuring just over six weeks, and I should have been closer to eight. He scheduled a follow-up ultrasound for one week later in hopes that things would change.

That week was just awful. I knew in my heart that the baby was gone, but the shots, medication, and the hope had to remain. There was still a chance the baby could be okay, and we had to go for it. Our follow-up appointment was the following week, and the news was confirmed. Our miracle baby was gone. To make matters worse, it was the middle of May. The nurse confirmed that another transfer would not be possible before our loss of infertility insurance on July 1st. Our journey with the infertility specialist was done. IVF was done. I officially miscarried the following week.

Part 4 - Following God’s Plan for Our 2nd Adoption

Throughout the journey, Bryan and I had repeatedly had the conversation on when we would pursue adoption again. Before we even met with the specialist, adoption was always an option we both agreed we would happily pursue. Adoption brought us Brooklyn, and if God wanted to bring more babies to our life through adoption, we would always, always be open to it.

Besides always being open to another adoption, Bryan and I had two conditions that we knew would be our signals that it was time to be done with infertility treatments. The 1st was my health. If at any time my stomach got bad again or I had reached the limit, I had full control on how long I would put my body through the painful testing and shots. The 2nd signal was our insurance coverage. We would pursue to infertility process for as long as we had the coverage. If we lost insurance, we would be done.... and that is exactly what happened.

So here we are... at the start of a new chapter in this journey to our family. Coincidentally, on the week that we should be announcing a pregnancy, we are instead standing strong and announcing a growth in our family. In honor of the baby that we have lost, and the baby that will someday be joining our family through the adoption process, we announce the Schmelzer family will be growing.

Please join us in the journey of a Schmelzer Adoption!

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pharmanswerspod · 7 years

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Essential Oils - Crash Course

Always choose quality oils - this mainly ensures that impurities are removed and the risk of irritation is reduced. Always read the instructions and ALWAYS follow them. Some require dilution, some require carrier oils. Mix appropriately, FOLLOW THE DIRECTIONS. Some basic science: the reason you can smell something is because some compound that makes up the thing you’re smelling is volatile (and in chemistry that means easily evaporated into the air). So, some part of that thing evaporates into the air and floats in your nose and lands on your olfactory center in your nose (a special patch of tissue that has a lots of “keyholes” for different shapes of molecules). That center sends the message to your brain and your brain translates it as smell. There are a few families of molecules that contribute to the smells desired in essential oils. All of these families are labeled as “organic molecules” - not in a chemical-free USDA kind of organic, but in a chemistry way - they are built around chains of carbon atoms. Many of them are put together so they are volatile (evaporate-able) yet stable (don’t crumble to bits). Nature can make build these chains as big as they want until they’re just so big they fall apart (unstable). Of course, the larger they get, they harder they are to get off the ground so to speak (evaporate into the air for you to smell).

One group of molecule that is found in a lot of natural sources is called terpenes. Terpenes are why some bugs leave a smelly residue on your hand, and why tree resin and sap smell, and why some plants smell when you break their leaves or stems.

Phenols are another volatile compound that are detected by your sense of smell. Natural ones are kind of fun - chili peppers, oregano, thyme, cloves, roasted coffee.

Esters are volatile compounds that are produced by some fruits - apples, pears, bananas, strawberries.

Aldehydes are responsible for the smell of cinnamon, vanilla, and cilantro.

As aromatherapy, Essential Oils are mostly harmless. Honestly, I think the biggest harm is when they are promoted as “cures” or “treatments” of things. A little secret about our sense of smell - because it has such a strong direct connection to our brain, science has found that our sense of smell “memory” is stronger than any other stimulus. Meaning you smell something familiar and the number of memories and stories your brain can connect is much larger than the memories recalled from sound or sight. And even though those volatile molecules that go in your nose send really strong signals to your brain, those oils do not soak into your body by just smelling it. Aromatherapy works probably because of the chemical cascade it triggers in the brain after you smell the scent - whether it be a memory trigger that starts an even more complex cascade of brain chemicals or just a basic brain chemistry cascade. But I also think power of suggestion is at play - does the scent of cedar help you feel calm and cozy because of pure chemistry or is it because cedar is promoted for calming that you’re able to say “oh yeah, I feel calmer with cedar”. Some say it’s calming because because it reminds them of being out in the woods - is that a pure chemistry thing or a memory cascade thing? What if the smell of cedar reminds someone of the forest fire that burned down their house? No matter what pure chemistry or advertisements say, cedar will never be calming to them! While writing this piece, I read some articles about “essential oil chemistry” and there were claims about those compounds I listed above regarding cellular and DNA repair. There was no resource links to indicate where that information came from, and I could not find any other reputable sources to support those claims. It is still difficult to decide how much of these compounds actually circulate in your body, and if it’s enough to produce a noticeable change. One thing I do know for sure, any results someone gets in a lab, even if it’s repeatable and generally agreed as true, does not mean it works that way in the human body. So if compounds found in pine oil kill microorganisms in a petri dish, please do not assume that it is going to kill microorganisms in your house, much less your body. Your body is too complicated for there to be a “simple” answer to what ails it. Another little bit of science: a majority of the moisture in your skin is oil based. So when you put oils on your skin, the gaps that allow your natural oil out are more willing to allow and outside oil in. This is useful when science develops medicines that they want to soak into your skin - whether the purpose is for it to just work locally, or whether the purpose is to avoid the destruction of a drug by your stomach acid or a filtration process of your liver known as “the first pass”. But it can also be dangerous because oils that easily gain access to your body can also carry dangerous things into your body. Hardware store solvents like paint thinner and WD40 can be dangerous and soak into your skin (and possibly take other chemicals with it). Ok, enough of the scary stuff - but this science of the skin is how carrier oils work, they act as the doorway into your skin for the EO compounds as well as keep them there for a prolonged period of time. I know the logic is if you rub your EO mix on places where blood vessels are close to the surface (hands, wrists, face, feet) then it will get into your bloodstream. I’m not convinced that’s such a good thing, especially if you are not aware of the purity and quality of the oils you are using. But I’m also not clear on how much actually soaks far enough into your body to reach your bloodstream. I think a majority of the time, your body is just acting as your own personal diffuser (and I find EO’s more pleasant than lab-created perfumes). As for ingesting EO’s - DON’T BE STUPID! You may read things and they say “your body is built to protect itself….” but obviously things can get through that protection. Your skin is your body’s biggest defense, but as we talked just a second ago, oils are really good at getting through that. They may also say “if they’re made it nature, they should be safe to eat…” you don’t eat poison ivy do you?? Even Bear Grylls taught us that some plants are not friendly to our bodies (on the outside or the inside), so why would we believe that everything that produces oils would be safe? A pharmaceutical medication called Digoxin was originally developed from the foxglove plant. Please don’t ingest foxglove - digitalis poisoning is a real thing and can cause symptoms as severe as life-threatening arrhythmias. If I had to come up with my own rule, it would be this: if you would normally eat the thing the oil is made from, then it MIGHT be okay. You don’t eat pine bark do you? See, to me, that’s silly. On the other hand, lemon oil? Okay. Orange or grapefruit? okay. Peppermint and cinnamon? Eh. My thought on this: If you want more spice in your life, add more spices to your life. Salt and pepper are boring! Season your food with herbs and spices (freshly picked or ground ones are preferable) - and you can have more benefits than you’d care to count including the natural oils from those natural products). The other problem is that anyone can go on the internet and join or create a program and come out the other side with a “certification” of some kind. On every EO site, brochure, and label, companies should be using a statement that reads something like this: *These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent disease. That means “no one is watching us, and as long as we don’t use certain keywords, we can say whatever we want, and no one will check up on us, ask for our recipes, or try to prove us wrong.” So words like “therapeutic grade” are just bogus fluffy words they want to use to convince you they’re “better” or “safer”. As much as I don’t like overbearing governmental regulation and I know lobbyists have deep pockets in some branches (that’s another soap box), but there are groups that grade foods as well as chemicals to determine their purity and quality before they are allowed to be put in products that humans will eat. The USDA puts grades on many agricultural products to determine what’s safe for humans to eat, while the FCC judges lab-produced chemical. And I know many of the items on the FCC’s list (including food preservatives and coloring agents) are under scrutiny based on “pure and high quality, but really safe?”. But I have not found this level of transparency in EO manufacturers, thus they will not be going in my mouth. The last thing I’m going to mention is the logical fallacy of Appeal to Ancient Wisdom. This is the misconception that the oldest treatments for ailments are the best because they are the oldest. If you want to hear about some of the stupid and horrific things ancient (and not so ancient) people did in trying to treat and heal people, listen to the podcast, Sawbones, they go over it a lot. Now, I’m not trying to negate what ancient cultures have contributed to the increased understanding of the human body and compounds found in nature. Science has actually proven the benefit of some ancient but now modernized treatments, but that doesn’t mean the “truth” of all ancient medicine is now proven true. This is a classic case of “when you know better, do better.” Modern science has allowed us to gain understanding of how diseases are caused rather than blaming it on “Evil”. Microscopy has allowed us to see things that are way too small for our eyes to see - including things that make us sick and things that our bodies are made of. The scientific method gave us a process to be able to test and retest theories and processes, and accept them as true rather than a “one and done” type of experiment. Evidence-based medicine allows the modern world to make objective decisions about treatment and healing, so someone’s personal feelings about you or spiritual beliefs about the cause of the illness do not affect the quality of your care. I say all of this to say EO’s may have their place in your health plan, but please don’t assume that they are superior because they’re “natural” or because they are “ancient”. Bottom line: it’s ok to diffuse them in your house - they smell good. it’s ok to put them in your body lotion or massage oil or face moisturizer - they smell good. I’d prefer you not swallow them, but if you’re going to swallow them, you BETTER be talking to a physician or practitioner who knows a thing or two about the human physiology and biochemistry and has real and solid credentials (and not just internet-created ones). And for heaven sake’s don’t take advice from Dr. Google!

#essential oils #health #science #medicine

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boldadulting · 7 years

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How to ease your depression and anxiety after the Trump inauguration even if you don't have health insurance

Has the inauguration made the reality of the new president finally set in and you're having trouble dealing?

A lot of us are struggling right now with coming to terms with the poor decisions and constant insensitivity of the new presidential regime. Maybe you already live with anxiety and/or depression. Or maybe this is new to you and you're blindsided by your new emotions (or your disturbing lack of emotions).

Unfortunately, you may not have insurance (or you know that soon your beloved Obamacare will be gone). So in this blog post you'll learn 9 questions to ask yourself to figure out:

How to feel better even if you don't have health insurance

1. What exercise can I convince myself to do?

It can be really tough to motivate yourself to exercise when you're already feeling shitty. But exercise is one of the best actions you can take for your mental health. And there are lots of ways to do it that don't cost any money!

Since you're already feeling bad, this isn't the time to force yourself to do whatever exercise the women's magazines are telling you is the best way to trim fat from your “problem areas.” Nope, you're going to figure out what exercise you're willing to do by thinking about which ones you actually enjoy doing.

Possible suggestions:

Take a walk (with a friend?)

Put on your favorite music and dance

Go for a jog (this suggestion is only for those of you who already find joy from running)

Put on a YouTube dance video or play Just Dance on the Wii

Challenge yourself to see how many jumping jacks or lunges you can do in a row

2. What can I tell people at work so they're understanding of my situation?

If you suddenly find yourself struggling with your mental health, your performance at work may suffer. You might:

run into the bathroom stall regularly to hide your tears

be unable to wake up on time despite your blaring alarm

not feel motivated

be exhausted at work because your sleep is messed up

feel disconnected from your coworkers

The fact that your boss and coworkers generally respect you may not mean they'll automatically be understanding if you suddenly start “underperforming.” If you haven't already told them that you sometimes struggle with mental health issues that can affect you at work, they might assume that it turns out you're a slacker.

Even when people know you have mental health issues, they won't necessarily assume that that's what's going on when your behavior suddenly changes. So unfortunately, it's up to you (or possibly trusted loved ones) to remind them.

When/if you talk to your boss and co-workers, keep in mind that this is partly a political issue and they may not feel the same way you do. Focus on how you're feeling and decide whether it'll help or hurt the conversation to explain what's underlying it. And remember, you don't need to justify your mental health issues to anyone.

3. What's underlying my emotions?

Think about why this election has hit you so hard. Are you:

Feeling helpless because the result didn't reflect the majority vote?

Afraid because you're part of a historically disadvantaged group and you see violence escalating against people who look like you?

Struggling because you disagree fundamentally with someone in your life who voted for Trump?

Stressing about how you'll deal when Obamacare is gone?

Nervous about how this will affect your job stability?

You may not be able to pin your emotions on anything. But by doing a little digging, you may be able to find some issue that you can start to address. Or at least, knowing what it is you're freaking out about can make it easier to explain to others what you're going through.

Additionally, talking through your greatest worries can help you to realize that (hopefully), the thing you're the most afraid of is actually pretty unlikely to happen. (Granted, this is more relevant when you're stressing that the test you're taking tomorrow will result in your flunking out of college. I can't deny that your worries about a powerful, deeply unqualified, insensitive person may be very well-warranted. Nevertheless, talking through your concerns may help.)

Speaking of which:

4. What do I need to communicate to the people in my life?

Not everyone knows what to do when someone they love is experiencing mental health issues. In fact, there are ~4 million hits on Google for “what not to say to someone with depression and anxiety.”

If your loved one is saying all the wrong things, this can exacerbate the problem. Suddenly, in addition to dealing with your emotions and waning energy, you're begging the person you love to take you seriously and treat you with the love and respect you're desperate for.

So, send them some of those articles to read so they know what not to say to you. Ask them as directly as possible for things you know will help you (hopefully this list helps you find some). And forgive them for their mistakes.

5. What free or reduced cost resources are available?

You may think there's no way you can get support when you don't have the insurance to afford regular therapy. So consider the following options:

Check classifieds, free local magazines, and online postings for free group counseling events

Consider the groups you belong to and see whether any of them provide resources

Create your own group: Invite a few friends who you think will relate to how you're feeling and discuss together your emotions in response to the election. I went to an amazing event after the election run by Vanessa Elle, in which we meditated and then processed our emotions.

Check whether any psychology programs near you offer low-cost therapy by students in training. These can be excellent sessions for as little as $5-10 each

Look into online therapy. For example, Talkspace offers unlimited texting for $43/week or one weekly live session and unlimited texting for $69/week. This may be much lower than the cost of traditional therapy. Of course, I realize that this cost may seem totally outrageous compared to what you can afford, which is why it's only one of many suggestions offered in this article.

6. How can I relax?

There are lots of simple ways to make yourself feel better, so why not give them a try? If you are experiencing severe depression, I won't pretend that these will make it all better. But they may provide you 10 minutes of relief, and that's worth something too!

Give at least one of these a try (or think of your own and share them with us):

blow bubbles

cuddle with your pet (or a friend's pet)

meditate or do deep breathing

skip down the sidewalk (yes, you're going to feel silly at first)

watch a beloved movie or reruns of your favorite TV show

7. Who can I ask for help?

Hopefully you have a partner or close friend that you can talk to. But you may not, in which case you'll have to look further. Is there someone in your community who seems very willing to help others? A friend you haven't talked to in years who told you you could always turn to them?

You might consider opening up on Facebook and asking your community for support. I did this when I was feeling bad last week and got numerous people offering a caring ear and kind words.

8. How can I help my brain chemistry and physiology?

You may not be able to afford psychiatric medicine if you don't have health insurance. Even if you could, you may not be prepared to start a new medication with the adjustment time and side effects.

Consider:

Doing exercise to get endorphins

Using cannabis if you're in a state where you won't get in trouble

Taking deep breathes to slow your heart rate

Stretching so you get in touch with your body

Having an orgasm (alone or with a partner) to increase activity in parts of the brain that make you feel better

Choosing foods that give you more energy and keep your blood sugar steady

9. What cheers you up?

You know yourself better than any blogger possibly could. So pull out a piece of paper or your Notes app and make a list. Suggested jumping off points:

What has worked for you in the past?

What inevitably puts a smile on your face?

Which of the questions above gave you ideas that you relate to? How can you implement them?

#depression #anxiety #politics #Obamacare #inauguration #donald trump

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