#look i know the only real info about andrew and books is that he hates the library but i don't give a fuck

[be-queer-do-arson]

Hc that Andrew knows everything you could ever want to know about classic lit. No one knows how he knows, since no ones ever seen him read, and Andrew refuses to clear things up. The truth is there was a small library in juvie, and while it wouldn't have been his first choice, the selection wasn't big enough for him to be choosy. It had a lot of classics because they were considered "educational" and Andrew had time to kill. He never lets anyone see him read (except when he's alone on the roof with Neil) because everyone insists on making a huge deal out of it whenever he does "normal" things, but he loves using dramatic quotes when the opportunity arises.

#he doesn't quote shit in a ''nerdy'' way he does it in a sarcastic asshole way if that wasn't clear #look i know the only real info about andrew and books is that he hates the library but i don't give a fuck #you can pry this headcanon from my cold dead hands #aftg #all for the game #andrew minyard

[jin0]

Hiya! Congratulations on 1K, you deserve it!! If it’s not to late, please can I request a ❄️ ask? I am 18 year old female brit, 5’4 and is a Libra sun, Scorpio moon and Capricorn rising. I take English literature and language and media as well as being a theatre kid. I have brown hair and hazel eyes and am an INFP. If it possible please may it be an Andrew Garfield character? Thank you so much!! Congrats on 1K!!

you a theater kid ?? say no more girl, i got you :

romeo eduardo saverin for you baby !!

his plan was perfect, it had to work. he tried to get your attention for an entire semester and nothing had worked. none of his classic ways worked and that drove him towards you more, it was as if he didn't exist at all to you. he could be anyone when he'd meet you for real, he could be himself.

he had to make sure everything was perfect, and ot was. lucky him, he'd been able to gather himself enough to go ask about you to other students in your major and you were pretty popular there. he had all the infos he needed to get not only your attention, but a discussion from you.

he hated himself for going so far for you but also loved that this is what you did to him. you turned him into a completely different man, changing from his habits. you he really wanted or loved.

and if he wasn't so hellbent on doing the lost he'd see that you liked him too.

this party was meant for you, a theme you enjoyed and would relate too : romeo and juliette. yeah he was sappy like that, thinking of you as his juliette and wishing to be your romeo.

it was for you except he couldn't find you, anywhere. it was his apartment, he was supposed to know the place but everywhere he went was empty. you were nowhere to be found and he refused to lose hope, thinking that you had left.

he kept running around, dodging more and more people until he found you, in the one place he didn't look in : his own room.

there you were, in your fancy victorian gown, a book in hand, like one of these stupid fanfiction clichés about the girl who was so different from the rest.

standing in the doorway, eyes fixated on you, he couldn't help the genuine smile stretching his lips.

"how do you bring a book to a party ?"

his voice startled you. you'd slipped in one of the hallways that looked the farthest away from the crowd and from there you kept walking until you'd reach a room far enough to completely drown out the noise. you didn't expect to see the host of the party himself though. he was pretty hard to catch this guy, always busy running around being a college cfo and all that.

"you... you hide the book in your corset." you sigh, slightly annoyed that you'd probably have to find another hiding spot.

you sat up and were about to stand up when he closed the door behind himself, going back to the soundproof peace you'd found. you probably should've been worried about him closing the door and keeping you two in such a close space but weirdly enough you weren't, not when he looked more nervous than you.

"why are you here anyways ?"

"this is my bathtub you're sitting it petal." he chuckled, motioning to the very expensive tub you'd been laying in for a few minutes now.

"oh." you stood up, thinking of leaving again but he shook his head, signaling that you could stay.

you both sat still in silence and the more time passed, the more you understood how nervous he was, like he had something to tell you. you'd be lying if you said it wasn't going straight to your ego. having eduardo saverin be nervous around you ? that was one hell of a flex.

you turned in the marble bathtub and learned on your forearms, tilting your head to the side. you watched him carefully, analyzing and memorizing his features carefully. eduardo was an attractive man, very attractive actually. and he'd been knows for having a way better moral compass than mark zuckerberg or sean parker. you got lucky.

what you also noticed was that he had been fidgeting for a little while now. playing with his fingers and avoiding your eyes, you didn't know the kind of reactions you'd brought out in him. eduardo was way past the age to blush in his opinion but here he was, blushing like a teenager.

"eduardo ?"

jumping in surprise, he raised his head to focus his eyes on yours.

"come here." you motioned with your finger.

you watched him take baby steps, getting closer to you and sitting on the edge of the tub. resting your arms on his thigh, you waved the book you carried in front of him.

"before making a party themed after romeo and juliet, try and read the play okay ? because this is absolutely wrong and i am enraged at you calling yourself a romeo. how are you a romeo and you're not 18 first ? also, who's juliette ?"

looking at you with admiration, he couldn't helping the wave of happiness that surged through him at the vision as you listed all the ways his party differed from the original shakespeare play. he wanted to scream how you were juliette, the only one he desired or cared for. you clearly sounded a little tipsy but you looked so cute just insulting the absolute shit out of all the things he got just for you. could this be the revelation of a kink ? maybe, who knew ? maybe you did.

"get in here saverin !" you exclaimed, startling him awake from his lovesick daydreaming. he pointed towards himself, smiling when you nodded vigorously. "we'll be learning about the great classic, or as i like to call it 'fuck sanity, let's make children unalive themselves !'"

and that was the story of romeo and juliette or romeo and you. eduardo and you, or eddy, the nickname you'd started using for him.

he'd been a fool in love, wishing for his princess to receive the widest signs of love through expensive items and presents when all you truly wanted was a man who'd listen to you rant about how stupid romeo and juliette were and ask you questions about your theories (out of genuine interest and curiosity because you did make a few points that were scarily logical).

he'd been so stupid by trying so hard, all he needed was to simply prove to you that he was absolutely not cultured when it came to the theater world and that you needed to teach him.

and now here you were, both of you snuggled in a bathtub, sleeping soundly against each other. him in a very ancient and royal looking attire, and you in a medieval dress (he made the mistake of calling it victorian out loud and you knocked him on the head with the book).

this was all that was needed, you, him and a shakespearean classic.

#•°jin's 1k sleepover°• #•° jin replies <3°• #eduardo saverin imagine #eduardo saverin #andrew garfield one shot #andrew garfield imagine #andrew garfield

[peachscribe]

peach’s summer book list

i had a lot of fun compiling the list of books i read during the 20-21 winter, so i decided i would do a summer one as well! i still have a lot of books i own but haven’t read, so im definitely not lacking in material

if you didn’t see my winter list, how my book list works is basically like this: i read a book that i own but have not previously read, write a short summary immediately after finishing the book, write down my thoughts on the book, and then provide a rating for the book. i also might include background info on why i read this particular book/feelings about the author, but that depends on the book. that’s how each entry works

without further ado, let’s get started!

1. Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith

okay so i absolutely adore another book by andrew smith (written after grasshopper jungle) called the alex crow. it’s one of my favorite books of all time, so naturally i wanted to see if grasshopper jungle would make me feel similarly. just like the alex crow, grasshopper jungle’s plot is. so fucking weird. it stars austin szerba, a teenage polish kid who lives in ealing, iowa, and is often sexually confused regarding his girlfriend shann and his best friend robby. and in ealing, iowa, austin and robby accidentally and unknowingly unleash an unstoppable army of huge six-foot-tall praying mantis bugs that only want to do two things: fuck and eat. and i just have to say: andrew smith’s got an absolutely dynamo writing style. alex crow is similar, where it’s a book about kind of everything all at once, framed in a moment centering around teenage boys. it’s fantastic, and it’s more than a little gross, and i love it. this book made me feel so many things, and i thought austin was such an amazing narrator and main character to identify with. this book has it all: shitty teenage boy humor, fucked up science experiments, and poetic imagery that will make you want to cry. and explicit lgbt characters.

412/10 andrew smith what do you put in your water i just want to know

2. Burn by Patrick Ness

patrick ness has written a plethora of some of my favorite books (such as a monster calls, the chaos walking trilogy, and the rest of us just live here) so when i saw this one in the store i knew it would be a great one. burn is an alternate history fantasy that takes place in 1957 frome, washington, during the height of the cold war, and it begins with a girl named sarah and her father hiring a dragon to help out on their farm. but there’s not just dragons, farm living, and cold war tensions; there’s also a really shitty small town cop, a cult of dragon worshippers and their deadly teenage assassin, a pair of fbi agents, and a prophecy that sarah’s newly hired dragon claims she’s a part of. i think eoin colfer’s highfire was on my winter list, which also featured a story that included dragons and shitty cops, so when i first began burn i thought it was funny to have two books that had both things. you know, if you had a nickel etc etc. but that’s really where the similarities end because burn is entirely it’s own monster (dragon). burn is entirely invested in its world, and its fascinating. not only that, i had no clue where the book would take me next. there were so many surprises and amazing twists that honestly just blew me away. this book also includes beautifully written complicated discussions on family, race, and love - it features interracial and queer romances as the two most prominent romance plots which was such a nice surprise from a book i wasn’t expecting to have that kind of representation. this book is witty, fast-paced, and a very heartening read - i absolutely adored it.

9/10 dragons and becoming motivated by the power of love and friendship are so fucking cool

3. As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann

i hate this book! as meat loves salt is a historical fiction novel which takes place in seventeenth century england, which is going through a grisly civil war. the protagonist, jacob cullen, is a servant for a wealthy household and is engaged to another servant in the house. but due to certain events that are almost entirely jacob’s fault, he flees the house and is separated from his wife. from there, he joins the royal army and meets a kind soldier, ferris, and the two become fast friends. jacob and ferris’s relationship begins to bridge past friendly, and jacob struggles with his homoerotic feelings as well as the growing obsession and violence inside him. also, they try to start a colony. listen, i don’t know how to describe the book because so much happens, but it basically just follows jacob and all the terrible decisions he makes because he is, truly, a terrible person. ferris is kind and good, and jacob is scum of the earth. he sucks so bad. the entire time i was reading this book (which took absolutely so long), all i wanted was for jacob to just get his ass handed to him. i wanted to see him suffer. and it’s not like i just personally don’t like him - i believe the book purposefully depicts him as unsympathetic even though he is the narrator. i did enjoy the very in depth and accurate portrayal of what life would’ve been like in seventeenth century england, and i think it was interesting to read a character that is just the absolute worst person you’ve ever encountered and see him try and justify his actions, so if you enjoy that kind of thorough writing, then this book would be perfect for you. however, i did not see that bitch ass motherfucker jacob cullen suffer enough. i’d kill him with my bare hands.

2/10 diversity win! the worst man on earth is mlm!

4. This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab

i know ive had a friend tell me how great one of schwab’s other book series is, but truthfully i bought this book because the cover is sick as hell and it was on a table in the store that advertised for buy two get one free, i think. something like that. anyway, this savage song takes place in a future in which monsters, for whatever reason, suddenly became real and out for blood in a mysterious event nicknamed the phenomenon. august flynn is one of these monsters, but he takes no pride in that fact and only wants to feel human. kate harker is the daughter of a ruthless man and is trying her hardest to be ruthless, too, but deep down she knows it’s just an act. their city, verity, stands divided, and kate and august stand on either side - but when august is sent on a mission to befriend kate in the hopes of stopping an all out war, the lines begin to blur. this book rules. august and kate are such interesting and dynamic characters, and the narrative is familiar while still being capable of twisting the story around and taking the feet out from under you in really compelling ways. this savage song is part of the monsters of verity duology, and i can’t wait to dive into how the story continues and finishes.

11/10 sometimes you can judge a book by it’s cover

4a. Our Dark Duet by Victorian Schwab

this is the sequel and finale for this savage song and i’d figure i’d update everyone: fantastic ending, beautiful, showstopping, painful.

12/10 loved it and will definitely be keeping an eye out for schwab’s other books

5. White is for Witching by Helen Oyeyemi

oh boy. okay. white is for witching is about a house, and it is about the women who have lived inside of it. when her mother dies abroad, miranda silver begins to act strangely, and there’s nothing her father or her twin brother seem to be able to do about it. she develops an eating disorder and begins to hear voices in the silver family house, converted to a bed and breakfast by miranda’s dad; and she begins to lose herself in the house and the persistent presence of her family legacy. white is for witching switches perspective dizzingly and disorientingly between miranda, her twin eliot, miranda’s friend from school named ore, and the house itself. this story is a horror story as much as it as a tragedy as much as it is a romance as much as it is a bunch of other things. oyeyemi brings race, sexuality, nationality, and family into this story and forces you not to look away. this book is poetry.

(like i mentioned briefly, this book heavily deals with topics of race and closely follows miranda’s eating disorder. read responsibly, and take care of yourselves)

15/10 this book consumed me and i think i’ll have to read it another 10 more times to feel it properly

6. These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong

okay. okay. strap in for a ride. these violent delights is a romeo and juliet style story, taking place in glittering 1920’s shanghai. the city stands divided - not only between the foreign powers encroaching on chinese land, but also between the scarlet gang and the white flowers, who are at the height of a generations-long blood feud. juliette cai, heir to the scarlets, has recently returned from four years abroad and is determined to prove herself ruthless enough to lead. roma montagov, heir to the white flowers, is standing strenuously on his place as next in line due to a slip up four years prior and is desperate to keep hold of his title. and in the midst of juliette and roma’s burning history with each other threatening to combust, an unnatural monster lurks in the waters of shanghai, loosing a madness on scarlets and white flowers alike. this book has it all - scorned ex lovers, political intrigue, deadly monsters, and all set on a glamorous backdrop of the roaring twenties. i absolutely was enraptured by this book and the way it plays around the story of romeo and juliet so well that it easily became it’s own monster, but with the punches and embraces of something classically shakespearan. gong does just an absolutely breathtaking job of fitting this fantastical story amid the larger world of shanghai and the real life historical events that had shaken the city to its core. completely immersive and outstandingly heart racing.

17/10 i was chewing on my fingernails for the last thirty pages and will continue to do so until the sequel is released (our violent ends, 16 nov 21)

7. The Antiques by Kris D’Agostino

you ever heard of the american dysfunctional family story? this is most definitely that. at the same time george westfall’s cancer takes a turn for the worse, a hurricane hits the east coast, and suddenly all at once the issues of his health, the hurricane, and all three of his children’s achingly dysfunctional adult lives are crashing into each other. reunited by george’s death, the westfall siblings have to face their grief, each other, and the problems in their own lives they attempted to put on hold while planning their father’s memorial. this is a nice story about grief and loss and love and somehow finding the humor amidst it all.

(this book does include a depiction of an autistic child who does experience several pretty bad meltdowns due to ignorant people around him not understanding how to cater to his needs. im not an authority on what depictions are or are not harmful, but i do believe this depiction is ultimately loving and well-intended.)

7/10 it made me laugh and cry and was generally one of those books that somehow hit you close to home

8. Fierce Fairytales by Nikita Gill

fierce fairytales is a poetry anthology that reimagines classic fairytales from a modern, feminist viewpoint, acknowledging that the line between hero and villain, monster and damsel, are not as clear cut as the classics try to make you believe. this book also includes illustrations done by the author herself, which i think is really cool. my personal favorite story reimagining was the story of peter pan and captain hook, called ‘boy lost’ which looked at how peter and hook’s relationship began and rotted. all in all, i think this collection of stories had a lot of important things to say and said them in frank, easy to understand poetry and prose.

7/10 beautiful message and pretty prose, but at times a little cliche

and that’s all from the summer! my fall semester starts tomorrow, and overall i feel very good about all the reading i did this summer. i even read four other books not on this list for work! so i definitely feel like i made the most out of my time, and im really glad i was able to read so many stories that made me feel a variety of different things

thanks so much for reading this list, and let me know if you read or have read any of these books and tell me what you think of them!

happy reading<3

#book recs #book rec #book rec list #grasshopper jungle #burn #as meat loves salt #this savage song #monsters of verity #white is for witching #these violent delights #the antiques #fierce fairytales #just like my winter list i did write ever review immediately after finishing the book and i think. #i think here you can really tell what my immediate reactions were based on how the review is written fbfjfjd

[eloquent-apollo]

Its Seth Gordon loving hours so hey, you know what, as a treat to myself here are some headcanons I have about him based on what Seth could have been had he not been nerfed on sight by Riko Moriyama.

Tw: mention of the bar hopping night and sobriety and a shitty childhood for Seth

- Its canon that Seth has really terrible sleeping habbits, so when Neil has nightmares he usually finds Seth still awake (or already awake, depending on the time of night)

- at first they dont talk, Seth just gives him a look and its not one that Neil can make out but sometimes it helps to see someone there

- then the bar hopping night happens

- And Seth survives but he knows he was sober, he only drank a couple of beers and he knows this

- but no one other than Allison believes him (Andrew and Kevin do, they know it was Riko but they don’t exactly talk)

- Neil believes him, but he feels too guilty, he feels too much like this was all his fault and he can’t talk to Seth

- (Seth knows why he was targeted, but somehow he can’t find it within himself to blame Neil)

- now Neil wakes up from uneasy dreams to find Seth staring at the ceiling, his eyes hollow, his expression broken.

- Eventually Neil and Seth start talking. Its at first just a “you okay?” From Neil, concern is very foreign to him but he feels it for Seth either way

- Seth just says “yeah” and nothing more

- until he does say more

- they talk mostly about superficial stuff like practice and what not and its mostly Seth who does the talking but they talk

- they talk

- it helps

- Seth falls asleep when they talk

- its slow but Seth starts talking about real things eventually. You can only talk about the weather or that nights practice for so long before you feel like you’ve run through it time and time again (and maybe Seth just wants to open up for once. Maybe he want to get out of there with at least one friend by his side and that thought hurts Neil when he knows he only has that year left to live and so he promises himself that he will help Seth make ammends with the others)

- Seth mostly talks about his family, a hard topic because Seth has tried to run from his family for 5 years

- Seth has 6 brothers. 3 older and 3 younger, Seth is right in the middle.

- Dorian (now 35), his oldest brother, fled the house as soon as he was 18. He left Jeremy (now 30) and Edmond (now 28) to take care of their younger brothers. They werent great parents, they were teens who didn’t know how to handle 4 kids and each other and more often than not they would bully them into submission

- Seth doesn’t hate them, though. They were flawed but they were family. Jeremy had grown up, he was married now and he had his own kids and he was an incredible father.

- Edmond was in and out of jobs, never tying himself down for too long and staying away from his brothers as much as he could

- His three younger brothers are called James (21), Lee (15) and Barry (10) (look I know this technically doesnt line up with the “his dad left when he was 8” but in my head his father left when his mother was pregnant with Lee, making Seth 8 almost 9 and Barry idfk just has a different dad or something who cares Seth was in the books for 5 seconds)

- Seth talks differently about his younger brothers, with a lot more softness and joy and a lot less resentment than when he talks about Dorian and Edmond

- (not about Jeremy, never about Jeremy. Jeremy had tried to make a better person out of himself when he left the house and he had his own kids now and he had changed so much from the 16 year old kid who tried to raise his 5 younger brothers)

- Lee is only 15, but he is so angry all the time. He picks fights, steals cigarettes and gets detention every week. Seth worries about him, but he isnt stupid enough to try and say as much to Lee. Seths done much worse, so he doesn’t try and tell Lee to tone it down (one day he will, maybe, when he is doing better for himself)

- Barry is only 10, too young to fully understand that his family is shit, too young to understand that Seth’s gone through too much. He idolises Seth, he’s his favourite brother and he watches all his matches on TV (He doesnt understand that the fighting isnt part of the game, he’s too young and no one has the heart to tell him)

- James is gay and very much closeted, but Seth is the first person he comes out to. It changes something for Seth, who realises as his younger brother cries and tells him “I don’t need you in my life if you won’t accept me” before Seth has even said a word, that maybe this isn’t who he wants to be

- Seth does better for James. Its a long road, it’s not even an easy one but Seth doesnt want to lose another brother. He even goes to meet James’s boyfriend and its awkward and he says some things he really shouldn’t say but even so James seems happy because at least Seth tried (and Edmond and Dorian cant say as much)

- Its slow, its difficult, but Seth tries to patch things up with his brothers one by one. It will take a while, he will have to he persistant and even more with some than others, but Seth knows that it will be worth it

- This was supposed to be about Seth and the team and his future but I guess its more me rambling about his brothers? Ill make a part two about some more Seth & foxes headcanons I have including my ideas of what Seth does after graduation but I just wanted to info dump I guess

#Seth and his brothers are very dear to me for no reason whatsoever #I just saw Seth and went oh cool time to spend hours and hours on creating an intricate and complex background that no one cares about #seth gordon #aftg #all for the game #andreil #andrew minyard #neil josten #tfc #the foxhole court #kevin day #nicky hemmick #aaron minyard #dan wilds #matt boyd #allison Reynolds #renee walker

[aftgficrec]

I'm looking for fics where Stuart raises Neil and they have a good relationship. (Doesn't matter AU or canon) Love the work you're doing in this blog!

We’ve got some mainly fluffy family relations for you here.  Stuart and Neil’s relationship is also addressed in the post below, and it plays a part in the fics we’ve recommended previously. - S

Previous post:

Stuart & Neil here

Also see...

‘The Kids Are Alright (Now)’ here

‘He is my Best Friend..?’ here

‘Die Young’ here

‘Armies’ here

‘How to steal a million’ here

‘Clouds’ here

‘Sinister kid’ and ‘You Don't Even Know Me (It's Only A Feeling)’ here

‘Dancing with the Devil’ (since updated) here

‘High School Science’ series and ‘I hate every inch of you.’ here

‘I hate you so much it makes me sick’ (since updated) here

‘all I want for Christmas is (answers my vary)’ here

‘all I want is what I can't have’ here

words for u by sheskyripa [Rated T, 4919 words, complete, 2020]

Neil has to write a text about something that he loves, but he doesn't know what he should write about.

Until he knows.

growing pains by nightquills, Ominous [Rated T, 10688 words, complete, 2020]

Stuart knows it’s perfectly normal for teenagers to have crushes. That’s why he’s not surprised in the slightest when Neil starts acting strange; lighter, happier. However, what he doesn’t expect is for the crush to leak into his everyday life—or literally take up residence in his house.

Or: five times Stuart knew Neil was hiding a nighttime guest, and one time he actually met him.

tw: anxiety, tw: implied/referenced abuse

Hatford Beans & Books. by abraxos_is_toothless [Rated G, 2724 words, complete, 2020]

A little Coffee Shop AU for my boys. That's all you need to know.

A whole load of fluff in this one.

Promises by JostenlovesMinyard [Rated T, 2767 words, complete, 2020]

Andrew, Neil and Bee are staying at Stuart's cabin for a couple of days. the two parents are meeting or the first time. It's Halloween and the pair are in for some spooky times as well as worries of the future. Luckily they have each other and that's all that matters.

(A bit of helpful info: Bee adopted the twins when they were early teens, Stuart adopted Neil when he was very young, kevaaron is a minor ship, Nicky lives happily in Germany.)

Neil Hatford by CasTheButler [Rated T, 4015 words, incomplete, last updated July 2019]

Stuart adopts Neil - or well he kidnaps Neil for the greater good but whatever

tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: underage drinking

Meeting Finally by Officialwinchester [Rated G, 988 words, complete, Andreil Week 2018]

Neil has been dating Andew online for almost a year, and now they're meeting in real life.

the hatford crew meeting abram for the first time by @nekojitachan [tumblr, 2018]

would you ever consider writing abram and stuart’s (and the rest of the hatford crew) meeting abram for the first time after he makes the call? i imagine it’ll take a while for abram to open up to stuart and he’d probably be rather skittish

tw: minor character death, tw: implied/referenced abuse, tw: suicidal thoughts

#fic #Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard #Stuart Hatford & Neil Josten #Betsy Dobson & Andrew Minyard #au: high school #au: college/university #au: coffee shop #au: bookstore #au: social media #au: criminals #theme: fluff #theme: fluff & humour #theme: angst with a happy ending #theme: adoptions #theme: meet ugly #theme: pining #theme: long distance #theme: secret relationship #theme: cuddling #theme: first kiss #theme: ptsd #theme: flashbacks #theme: vacations #theme: pov outsider #theme: implied/sexual content #andreil week #tw: suicide #tw: implied/referenced child abuse #tw: implied/referenced abuse #tw: anxiety

[percontaion-points]

Raven King chapter 7

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions.

Chapter 7

He hadn't said anything last night, maybe too tired to demand an explanation for last night's fiasco...

Look, I don't like any of these characters. But I'm also not going to sit here and let David drag Neil through the mud simply because Riko thinks that threatening to murder people is a personality trait.

"Tell me why someone who came here early to get away from his parents and who flinched away from me the first time he thought I was going to strike him goes so far out of his way to offend someone like Riko Moriyama. I would have thought you'd have better survival instincts."

He's not wrong. Considering that Neil keeps wanking off about how he has to keep his head down and survive, he sure is going out of his way to do the exact opposite. Signing to a college sportsball team, going out of his way to be around not only Kevin, but also Riko.

Neil is so fucking stupid, and I can't deal.

"You're a real piece of work, you know that?" Wymack asked, coming to rejoin him at the table. "Your parents must be something else."

Coach David: I'm going to have a team of nothing but children who are troubled. They deserve second chances.

The children: *act out because they've never had a positive influence in their lives, and don't know any better*

Coach David: *surprised pikachu face*

"I didn't know," Neil repeated. "Until Coach told me about the Moriyamas this May I knew nothing about Riko's family. After that I thought maybe that's why we met so long ago. I thought Riko's father and mine were discussing territories and borders. But last night Riko said my father belongs to the Moriyamas. What did he mean by that? Why did he say he bought me?"

"Don't lie to me," Kevin said. "We are in enough trouble as it is."

"My mother didn't tell me why we were running," Neil said. "I never asked her why she finally had enough. I was just glad to get away. We never talked about anything real after that. It was always about the weather or our current language or the local culture—the next time she had anything meaningful to say to me was when she was dying. Even then she didn't talk about my father. Not once did she mention the Moriyamas. If she had, I wouldn't be here right now, would I? So tell me the truth."

I get that Neil was a literal child when all of that happened. But after drilling into Neil's head about needing to be on the run, of needing to keep his head down... AND SHE COULDN'T EVEN BE BOTHERED TO EXPLAIN TO HIM WHY HE NEEDED TO DO THAT?!

Like Neil isn't smart, but I'm honestly blaming a lot of that about his mother failing to teach him fucking anything.

"You were a gift, another player for the master to train. You had two days to win him over: an initial scrimmage with us to show off your potential and a second scrimmage to prove you could adapt to and implement his instructions and criticisms. If afterward he decided you weren't worth his time you would be executed by your own father."

Neil swallowed hard. "How did I do?"

"Your mother wouldn't risk failure," Kevin said. "You never made it to the second practice. She disappeared with you overnight."

The heat in Neil's stomach could have been nausea or rage, but he didn't know who he was angry at. His mother had hated his fascination with Exy his entire life. She'd told him over and over he'd never touch a racquet again but she never told him why. He couldn't understand why she had never explained the totality of what they were running from.

ONE FIVE MINUTE CONVERSATION, AND THIS ENTIRE SHITTY SITUATION COULD HAVE BEEN 100% AVOIDED.

COMMUNICATION IS FOR FUCKING SQUARES.

By 'the girls' she meant her stage sisters. Dan, aka Hennessey, had gotten a fake ID back in high school so she could work as a stripper in a nearby city.

Casually mentions child sex workers like it's not a big deal.

"Listen up. There's obsession and there's dysfunction. You can't make Exy your end-all be-all. This won't last forever, okay? You'll shine bright, then you'll retire, and then what? You gonna spend the rest of your life at home alone with all your trophies?"

Somebody had to fucking say it.

Neil thought of his mother's heavy fists on his skin and her fingers knotting in his hair. She'd told him time and time again girls were dangerous.

So his mother beat him until he didn't like girls, but couldn't be bothered to do the same thing about liking exy?

He dragged his attention back to the task at hand and vowed never to listen to Nicky again.

Chapter 7 summary: Neil wakes up on David's couch. He thinks about sneaking out to avoid the confrontation he knows is coming, but decides to get it over with. He tries the old “he started it” route, but David doesn't buy it. When Neil brings up how everybody is of the opinion that Seth was killed, David calls him out on his bullshit. That Seth was a junkie, and Andrew should keep his BS conspiracies to himself.

They go to the stadium, where Neil has his conversation with Kevin. Says that he gambled on Kevin not remembering since Kevin showed no sign of acknowledgment when Kevin went with David to recruit Neil. But he goes on and says that he didn't know about how his father “belonged” to the Moriyamas, and didn't know why he and his mother went on the run. Kevin explains to Neil about how nepotism topples empires, and the head of the Moriyama family wanted for Neil to earn his keep. Wanted Neil to become another little Kevin and Riko. But Neil's mom freaked out over the thought of them murdering a literal child and took off before the guy could decide if Neil would be worth living or not. As I keep saying, it sounds like all of Neil's current shit falls back on his mother's inability to inform him of important stuff.

Kevin tells Neil to run off and continue hiding. To survive. Neil says that he's tired of being on the run constantly. Says that Andrew seems to think that the foxes constant publicity will keep the Moriyama family from murdering him. Kevin says that Neil knows too much, and that even a TV appearance won't stop them. Tells him to go. Neil refuses, and insists he's going to stay. Kevin promises to keep up their nightly practices. They briefly talk about why it is that Andrew is so obsessed with Neil, without moving the plot along.

Some time passes, and Neil tries to bury himself in practice but ignores the news. Then, because this book is hurting for plot, we get a random conversation with Dan about casual sexism and sex work. The book tries and fails to breathe life into the other background characters. There's this really unholy passage about Nicky and Neil talking about Andrew necking on a cheerleader and it's upsetting Andrew. NOBODY FUCKING CARES.

Nicky then starts to talk about how the twin's mother gave both of them up, one ended with his aunt, and the other in foster care. But none of this is new info to the readers, so... move on already. He also mentions that their aunt died, and thinks that Andrew murdered her. Neil believes this. He also off-handedly mentions about how Andrew saved him from being beaten by some homophobic assholes, but got court-ordered drug therapy as thanks.

He then spends a long time talking about Christianity and homosexuality. And it's a heavy topic for sure, but I'm not sure if this is the right book for this. Especially since this is immediately bookended with Nicky telling Neil that playing sports isn't a personality.

#All For The Game #The Raven King #chapter 07 #Neil Josten #David Wymack #Riko Moriyama #shitty people doing shitty things #you are stupid and you deserve to be eaten by zombies #HEADDESKING #I cannot deal with this #shitty parents are shitty #runs on miscommunication #can we not #Nicky Hemmick #playing sports is not a personality trait

[psych0midget]

Secret Stan Account AU Part 2

Part 1

It doesn’t take long for people to figure out that A. Minyard’s book is dedicated to Neil Josten. NEIL FREAKING JOSTEN. Like Neil Josten, the one and only exy player who can play every position? He’s a formidable backliner, a precise dealer (though he hates the position, fiercely) and one of the most promising strikers of the exy panorama? That Neil Josten? Oh. My. God.

Neil has thousands, millions of fans out there. But he had seriously underestimated it. It doesn’t take long for his fans to put two and two together, realise that he has a secret stan account and start looking for it.

It also doesn’t take them long to find it, not when Neil didn’t have the foresight of using a fake name on twitter. There are only so many book twt accounts run by someone called Neil.

Most of his fans are excited about it. Some are not. Especially when they realise that his account is also a Kevin Day stan account.

It’s a pr nightmare, that’s what Allison tells him as soon as he picks up the phone. She tries to keep everything under control, but by the time Neil’s done with the meetings, the interviews and all the unnecessary drama, he opens up Twitter only to find out that his stan account has been deleted.

And so has Drew’s.

Neil curses. He hadn’t had time to text Drew and tell him that he’d seen the dedication. And Drew, or rather A. Minyard has no official social medias. He’s fucked, he’s well and truly fucked.

The only source of info is the website of Drew’s publisher. But there’s a just a short bio saying that A. Minyard is a 27 year old author from Columbia. Has three cats and knows how to use knives, he swears the fight scenes in his books are all real. There’s also a photo and it’s the portrait of a blond man with eyes the color of honey staring impassively at the camera. And It’s the only thing Neil has left of Drew.

Jean Moreau gets back home only to find his roommate looking at his laptop, tabs and tabs and tabs open on his desktop. There’s a cup of coffee on the ground, a half-eaten sandwich on the rug (!!!) and a phone book (he had no idea those things still existed in 2019) on the sofa.

Jean ushers Jeremy inside the apartment, closes the door behind them and sighs. “Have you tried calling your uncle yet?” he asks. “I tried, but it’s 3am in the UK, he’s not picking up.”

Jean had meant it as a joke. A joke. Jean will kill Neil if the FBI doesn’t kill him first. “You tried calling the British mafia just to find your internet boyfriend? Are you nuts?”

Neil, the bastard, doesn’t even look sorry.

Jean almost starts shaking as he tries NOT to throw a chair at Neil’s, but Jeremy wraps his arm around his waist and rubs slow circles on his hip till he calms down. God bless Jeremy, god bless Jeremy especially when he says “You know Minyard’s doing a book tour right? He should be in Chicago next week, you could always show up there?”.

And Neil, Neil who’s lost his fucking mind for a guy he became friends with on twitter, finally relaxes his shoulders and looks at Jeremy like he’s hung the moon. (Jean is going to murder Neil if he keeps staring at his boyfriend like that.)

Neil goes to the M&G with Minyard in Chicago. He pretends he’s not nervous, but he is. If the endless queue in front of the book shop is any indication, this won’t go down well.

And in fact it doesn’t.

It doesn’t because the fans recognize him, they start asking for selfies and autographs and all hell breaks loose. When Minyard finally appears he just glares at him, at the caos around him and tells him to fuck off. Nothing more, nothing less.

Jean welcomes him home with a bottle of vodka and Neil doesn’t drink, but he’s with Jean and Jean knows everything about him. He downs more than half a bottle before he finally passes out on the sofa.

Neil wakes up to the sound of his phone pinging and pinging and pinging. There’s phone calls, texts, more phone calls and hundreds, probably thousands of twitter notifications. Apparently, drunk Neil had tweeted “a mynyard s a douche” from his official account. Neil groans. Allison is gonna kill him.

Turns out that it’s Kevin Day who tries to kill him.

It goes like this.

When Neil had said that Kevin Day could punch him in the face and he’d thank him, he hadn’t meant it l i t e r a l l y.

And yet he’s at the Christmas gala with his team in South Carolina. He’d thought the 12-hour drive drom Chicago to Columbia would be the worst part of it. But apparently Kevin Day is set on changing his mind.

Neil doesn’t even get to say “Hi” to him before Kevin grabs the collar of his shirt and hoists him up against the wall. He almost chokes him. But it’s the words he utters that really do the thing. “Don’t you ever insult my brother again.”

It’s Nicky Hemmick, the Seakings’ physio, who picks him up off the floor as soon as Kevin leaves. “What the fuck’s wrong with him?” Neil asks while Nicky’s busy checking Kevin hasn’t seriously hurt him. “He’s just a protective asshole.” “But I don’t even know who’s his brother.” “Ever heard of A Minyard?”

And that fucker winks at him, he winks at him.

Neil tells himself that Nicky deserves it when he pushes him away and makes a run for Kevin. If he runs fast enough, he should be able to get to him before Kevin leaves the building. The problem is that, when he catches up to Kevin, he doesn’t even think twice before shouting “I didn’t know he was your brother, but in my defence he really is a douche.”

This time there’s nobody who can help him when Kevin punches him in the face and knocks him out. Sometimes Neil wishes he was born mute.

Things only escalate from that moment on.

Neil wakes up on a hospital bed, Minyard staring down at him. Maybe it’s the painkillers. It must be the painkillers. But he’s pretty sure he hears Minyard saying “if it wasn’t for Andrew, I would’ve left you to die and blamed Kevin,” before he blacks out again.

The second time he wakes up, he just thinks he’s still hallucinating (or maybe he’s dead?) because he sees double. There’s two Minyards staring down at him. He doesn’t even try to make sense of what he’s seeing, he just closes his eyes.

The third time he wakes up, he sees Kevin on his bedside and Neil tries to fake his own death. The ECG beating next to his bed betrays him, though. “I’ve been told I have to apologise if I don’t want a knife between my ribs.”

Kevin begins telling him that he is the adoptive brother of Drew, also known as Andrew Minyard. Who also happens to have a twin brother, Aaron Minyard, neurologist by day and fake-Andrew by night. Who didn’t really like the idea of anyone lying to his twin. That’s why he’d been rude to him in Chicago.

And would he please, please, talk with Andrew because he’s become insufferable since Neil had stopped texting him? He’s been threatening to kill Aaron at least twice as much as he used to.

“He even said that he’s miscalculated everything, you had a crush on me and didn’t like him at all -“ “Fuck’s sake NO, I wouldn’t touch your pompous ass with ten feet pole.”

And it’s at that point that Andrew barges into the hospital room telling Kevin to shut up. Looks Neil in the eyes, says “you just because of what you said to Kevin” and then he kisses him. He kisses him.

Years and years later, after some more pining, thousands of kisses and a key to an apartment in Chicago, Andrew would say that he had not done such a thing. But he had, oh he had.

Years and years later Andrew would also admit that the main character of the Tragic Waste of Skin saga was actually inspired by Neil. Apparently, he’d seen Neil’s face on one of Kevin’s sports mags, he’d read the transcript of the interview that had made a goalkeeper cry on tv and he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him.

Years and years later Andrew would write the final book of his saga. The dedication would say: “To Neil, Marry me? Yes or no? Drew”

Years and years later Neil would tweet from his official account “a minyard’s still a douche”. Attached to the tweet a photo of Andrew glaring at the camera with his hands wrapped around a cup of hot chocolate, a wedding ring on his finger.

#all for the game #aftg #andreil #tfc #aftg fic #andreil fic #andreil au #mine*

[gravesfm]

i have brought me a new boy and it’s the peach hollow mayor’s son !    meet ilya everybody !    he’s a bit of a mess ,   life of the party and kind of insensitive but he’s also really really talented !    he does archery for sports and works as an indie game concept designer !

(   jonathan daviss   -   twenty-one   -   he / him   )      well ,   well ,   well ,   if it isn’t    ilya graves    running around peach hollow .     legend has it ,   they come from    blueberry boulevard    and have lived here for    thirteen years   .     if you’re wondering what they’ve been up to ,    i hear they’re a    concept artist    for a living .     they have been known to be    blunt    yet     honest   .    a word of advice to them ,    always look over your shoulder .      you never know who is watching .

basic info.

full name.     marvin ilya graves.

nickname / s.     graves ( mostly ), ilya.

birthdate.     december 8th.

age.     twenty-one y.o.

star sign.     sagittarius.

gender & pronouns.     cismale, he / him.

sexual orientation.     bi-curious.

place of birth.     peach hollow, georgia.

character inspiration.     andrew spencer ( love, victor ), cole preston ( wallows ).

biography. trigger warning    —    bullying

growing up in peach hollow meant getting used to things changing ,    and while most of the folks in town disliked how the rich have turned their home into a cesspool of bustling businesses ,    jeremiah graves took that and went with it .     while his parents started a business of their own ,    jeremiah worked hard ,   using his smarts to bolster his academic pursuits ,   eventually getting himself a full-ride scholarship to a pre-law at winchester and into law school at the university of texas .

coming home to peach hollow was when jeremiah dated victoria stein ,   they started as academic rivals in their childhood , with victoria on the winning side most of the time .   victoria was from the richer side of town    —   one of the families of businessmen that came to peach hollow and turned around the town in its earlier years .    they had been rivals as attorneys well after law school     —    they started dating and eventually married .    their eldest child was born a year after and a few years after ,    ilya graves was born .

ilya was the family’s golden child .    being in school earlier than most his age ,  and keeping up with the older kids academically    —    the kid had inherited both of his parents’ smarts and they were sure future was bright for young ilya .    his earlier years consisted of him huddled up with a book and a bunch of crayons .    he didn’t find it easy to get along with the older kids and he hardly put up a fight .     he found solace in his books and crayons and older video games his parents would get him when he was younger ,   and playing them would make him want to figure out how they were made ,    he knew about different mechanics that could create different outcomes and it helped warm up his brain trying to figure out different ways to win a game .    it helped him in real life too ,   when he was presented with a problem he would always find multiple ways to figure it out and solve them .

middle school ,  however ,   wasn’t easy for him .    he still excelled in his academic ,  and was always a favorite among the teachers , but that also meant he’d usually be cornered by the older kids and get bullied a lot ,    there was even an incident where his mother found him beat up under the bleachers in the schools gymnasium and had the other children suspended for it .    it was safe to say ilya hated anything outside of the classroom .    the classroom was a place where he knew he was better at than most of his bullies and there was always a teacher making sure no one was getting beat up    —    but outside the classroom ?    scary as shit .    he would always come home tired because most of the day was him avoiding them ,   running when he saw them and sometimes getting stuck in lockers whenever he was caught .

after numerous incidents where ilya would come home with a few bruises and stolen lunch money ,    his parents thought it was best to move him to a boarding school in woodstock for high school .

going to high school in a new place meant he could change things for himself .    sure ,   there were bullies everywhere but he was very adamant in making sure the things that happened in middle school would never repeat themselves again .    his parents got him to a summer camp and he found a specific liking to archery so his parents invested in that hobby for him .    ilya became involved in more physical activities such as basketball and volleyball ,    and became really popular in his new school .     he still excelled in his academics and graduated top of his class .

for college he went on and took a game design course in the university of southern california .    it was also at this point when his skills in archery were starting to be recognized as he joined numerous competitions at this point .    freshman year was also when he started going to different parties ,   different clubs in LA to drink at and became friends with a lot of people ,   and sure ,   eventually college was starting to get difficult with the many requirements and plates to finish but it was always his dream to be there .    

after graduating ,   he went back to peach hollow .    but unlike his dad that loved the town so much he became a mayor ,    ilya was only going to be here for a while .    he didn’t know why but over the years of not living there ( even though he spent his summers in peach hollow )  he sort of missed the place .    even though it used to be a place he didn’t want to be in when he was younger .    he still doesn’t like the place ,    and doesn’t intend to stay for long ,    but he thought he’d see the new things the town had to offer .

personality !

ilya is a very analytical person .    when thinking about things he always favors intuition over emotion ,    so when presented with an issue he has the tendency to disregard any feelings and focus on how to fix it .     with this he definitely tends to come off as an asshole sometimes and probably made some not-so-great relationships with it .     ilya is also a romantic person .    while he’s not the type of person to jump from relationship to relationship ,    they definitely tend to last for a while .    he also  loves  going to clubs .    he’s probably gone to every bar and club in peach hollow in his stay so far and he’s made a lot of new friends there .    he’s unsure of his sexuality    —   and while he’s sure he isn’t straight he’s also had times where he wanted to be in a relationship with multiple people  (  not in a cheat-y way .   he thinks he’s polyamorous  ) .    

some factoids !

his shortest relationship is with one  paxton adler  .   this was during the summer between freshman and sophomore year .    it left things ,   a bit uneasy between them .

he loves pokemon .   his first ever game was pokemon silver ,    where he caught a shiny vulpix that evolved into a ninetales .    it is the one pokemon he’s had for the longest time as he’s transferred it from game to game .

he has a lot of video games tbh his office space in his house in blueberry boulevard is probably half-work station half-video game den .    he has a lot of the newer consoles and preserves his older ones .

he’s worked on a few games so far and is currently slowly working on his own !   the title is   starry knight   where you play a cosmic knight defending the universe from corrupted celestial bodies .    it’s graphics and art style take a bunch of inspiration from  sky :   children of light   and   ooblets .

his favorite bow is a black   oneida kestrel   bow .

#peaches:intro #ig. | ｉｌｙａ ｇｒａｖｅｓ. #i didnt beta read this but i will tomorrow #bullying tw #tw bullying

[beesmygod]

this is what riverdale is about (part 4)

part 1

part 2

part 3

i’m back, to continue from where we left off. obnoxiously, i’m going to take a minute to plug my patreon, which is primarily for my webcomic but i also do movie reviews and talk about bad books i find so if you like these posts, you’ll probably like those as well. all i ask....is one dollar a month.

anyway fuck that let’s get back into this.

images are from the riverdale wiki

SEASON ONE (PART 2):

the last picture show: immediately this show reveals that our beloved jughead has been living in a nearly abandoned drive-in that he also works at. too bad for him, because it’s closing down. hilariously, literally nobody in his circle of friends cares and call his make-shift house a crack den. owned. its revealed an anonymous buyer purchased it from the town and the mayor decided to sell it to whoever.

archie brings flowers to his teacher-girlfriend’s recital and when he and grundy (and his dad) head to pop’s for a good ol malt or whatever, betty confronts him about his relationship. betty is hurt when he says grundy believed in him when no one else did and goes home with renewed purpose: take grundy down.

veronica’s mom is caught having a heated argument with a member of the southside serpents gang next to a dumpster by cheryl who, as she delights in misery and disaster, captures it all on camera. she shows veronica, who confronts her mother who brushes her off.

betty lures grundy into a fake interview for her school paper instead of going to the police. betty seems to be determining all of this based on the fact that she didnt have any social media until a year ago, which really makes me question betty’s journalistic bonefides. its framed like this means she didn’t exist before she got a twitter or whatever. its really weird. more relevant is that the only record of a geraldine grundy.....WAS AN OLD WOMAN WHO DIED 7 YEARS AGO!!!!! she takes this information to archie as well, who doesn’t care at all. he’s way too horny to care.

betty breaks into grundy’s vw bug and finds a gun and her real i.d. with her real name. archie is still too horny to care, even though betty (again, really overstepping her journalistic bounds) says that grundy might have killed jason (BASED ON THE EXISTENCE OF A GUN BETTY!!! COME ON). archie finally asks grundy straight up what the fuck is going on and she cops to trying to escape from an abusive husband, hence the gun and fake names.

jughead finds out that archie’s dad’s construction company won the bid to destroy the drive-in. its a bad time to be jughead. he tries to ask archie’s dad not to tear down the drive-in. through this convo we learn that jughead’s dad was fired from andrews construction several years ago for theft. a scene after this reveals that veronica’s mom is facilitating the purchase of the drive-in with the mayor pn behalf of her incarcerated husband.

i’m so glad the wiki reminded me of this line, word for word: everyone (and i mean literally everyone in town) goes to the drive-in for one last hurrah, where the southside serpents are guffawing up a storm. veronica somehow silences them by saying “You know what happens to a snake when a Louboutin heel steps on it? Shut the hell up or you’ll find out.“ it sucks so bad. veronica then witnesses her mother having an encounter with the same gang member who she is revealed to be paying to drive down the value of the drive-in property so hiram lodge can buy it for cheap.

archie and grundy are caught in a passionate embrace after betty’s mom reads her diary and goes on the warpath, rightfully telling her to get the fuck out of town or she’ll reveal her to be a child molester. grundy agrees to leave and archie is heartbroken. the last show of geraldine this season is her ogling two teen boys. horrible. leave, woman.

jughead leaves his shitty home and on his way out is accosted by the same gang member who was talking to hermoine lodge and is revealed to be....JUGHEADS DAD!!!!!!!!!! whatever.

heart of darkness: the town is abuzz with jason’s upcoming funeral and the teens of riverdale are fighting over who gets to take the dead kids spot as captain of the football team in a really normal and not at all super ghoulish way. archie is working his heart out now that his favorite teacher/pedophile has fled town. he has his time wasted by a member of the pussycats, valerie, who nets him a meeting with a music songwriter who tells archie he doesn’t have time for his shit. its a weird and totally pointless scene in the long run. it doesnt matter because archie’s music thing never comes to anything. the guy tells archie later, when he returns with sheet music, that his songs suck shit and he hates his music and to get out of his office.

jason and polly’s (betty’s sister) relationship seems to be at the center of whatever happened to jason, so betty starts asking around town about her sister, by using dates as a cover to ask probing questions to members of the football team. she also tries asking her father, who explains that polly and jason had a fight, polly tried to kill herself and so was shipped off to a mental institution. learning about jason’s death fucked her up again so they shan’t be exposing her to more sordid info about the events. the only information they get is that jason was selling drugs to raise money to leave town.

betty and jughead trace this thread to find out why jason would want to leave town but veronica is already finding out firsthand after she is invited to the blossom mansion for the world’s worst sleepover before the memorial (cool timing): the blossoms are all insane. they make their money on maple syrup, using the funds to build riverdale as we know it. veronica and cheryl bond over their awful parents and versonic encourages cheryl to act out at jason’s memorial FOR SOME REASON. KNOWING FULL WELL WHO CHERYL IS.

demonstrating extremely normal judgement, betty and jughead plan to raid jason’s room during the memorial to find clues. cheryl goes full hamlet, throwing herself on the coffin and weeping during her eulogy. they use this as cover to sneak away and go commit the worst social faux-pax you truly can do. however, they are interrupted by cherly’s senile grandmother, nana rose, who mistakes her for polly and reveals polly and jason were engaged. 

betty takes this information to her father who reveals he already knows but forbid the arrangement because the blossoms and the coopers have been trying to kill each other for decades over the whole maple syrup empire thing. betty and jughead later suspect her dad broke into the sheriff's office to steal his files related to uhhh everything i guess; a hunch which turns out to be correct.

meanwhile veronica’s mom is sent a live snake by the serpent gang, calls big strong fred andrews to come save her and then asks him for a job.

faster pussycats! kill! kill!: first of all fuck, the name of this ep.

archie, for some reason because i guess he doesn’t know what embarrassment is, decides he’s going to play an original song he wrote for the school talent show. he immediately gets stage fright at the try-outs and wusses out. veronica goes behind his back to sign him up anyway. thanks, asshole!

valerie, from the last ep, quits the pussycats because josie is slightly more stressed than usual about uhhh the talent show. also because she has a crush on archie for some reason.

hermoine, while acting as fred andrews’ new secretary, realizes he’s fucking BROKE. why’d he hire her? who knows. too late now. she suggests firing some people (for example............her, maybe, fred) but fred cant bear it...and is hoping to be saved by the newest construction job he doesn’t know that hermoine is manipulating under the table. much like his son, fred is now too horny to care and they make out while veronica watches awkwardly.

the remaining pussycats try to figure out what to do about their missing member problem. josie’s mom helpfully lays out that they need a strong woman of color, but not one prettier or more talented than josie. enter...VERONICA!!! who is miffed because archie replaced her with valerie in the talent show duet. veronica is now scientifically less pretty and talented than josie by show standards, which just rules because i love thinking that there are teen power rankings in riverdale.

betty and jughead make their way to visit polly at The Sisters Of Quiet Mercy which is literally the best name for a goth cover band in the world. surprise! polly is pregnant with jason’s baby. polly reveals she and jason planned to run away together, but she was caught by her parents and sent away. she then awkwardly asks how jason is and someone has to break the news to her.

josie’s dad makes a brief appearance, which i absolutely do not remember at all. i thought he only showed up in season 3 which makes mayor mccoys character arc way more awkward. anyway, the mccoy family, the andrews and the lodges all have dinner together to discuss business and its awkward as all hell. no one at the table likes the andrews.

betty straight up asks her dad if he killed jason and her mom laughs her ass off at the idea of betty’s soft white suburban ham shank looking dad being able to kill a weed much less a human. keep that in mind.

veronica’s mom forges veronica signature on a form allowing andrews construction to move ahead with the job.

jughead and betty kiss after talking about how they arent their parents. keep that in mind. anyway, betty takes jughead to a car polly mentioned that full of EVIDENCE. they take picture of it and leave the car to go tell the sheriff because i guess suddenly no one has cellphones.  jughead and betty return with the sheriff later to find the car has been light up by an unknown person. almost immediately after, bughead tries to rescue polly at the institution only to find she’s already bailed. welp.

josie and valerie make up and all four pussycats perform. josie’s dad walks out on her performance? harsh. cool dad moves.

archie sings and the crowd loves it. who gives a shit.

a kid died, guys. come on.

#riverdale

[canyouimaginethatstory]

Beautiful Nightmare (Lucifer/OC Story)

AUTHOR NOTE: This imagine is kinda AU (alternate Universe) basically for this Chuck kept writing the books. Only so it makes sense guys. Enjoy. Also being as this is a Lucifer imagine please if you don’t like Lucifer then please ignore. Please DO NOT leave negative comments about the character and especially about the actor who plays him, Mark Pellegrino. I will not tolerate hate toward him at all.

Imagine: Imagine Becky coming up to you and telling you that you and Lucifer are her OTP. (I kinda twisted this one, but I had to do it because there are not many good imagines for Lucifer, which annoys me).

Summary: Mara Andrews runs into a young woman who frankly kinda creeped her out. The girl told her basically Mara was a monster hunter and was somehow the love interest of Lucifer. She doesn’t believe it of course, but then she has a strange nightmare?

Mara was walking home from work one evening when a girl ran up to her. “Oh my god,” the girl said, “your Mara Andrews,”.

“Um do I know you?” she asked the girl. She didn’t look familiar to her. She had blonde hair and crazy eyes.

“I’m Becky,” she said, “huge fan. You and Luci would make such a power couple together,”.

“Luci?” Mara asked confused.

“Yeah, Lucifer,” she said, “from supernatural,”.

“Honey, are you feeling ok?” Mara said becoming a bit concerned for the girl.

“You don’t know who you are do you?” she asked.

“Umm, do you know who I am?” She asked.

“Mara Andrews, smart, witty, and a badass monster hunter,” Becky said her face lighting up.

“Monster hunter?” Mara asked.

“Yeah, and the unknowing love interest of Lucifer,” Becky added. Mara was becoming freaked out.

“I don’t understand,” Mara said, “where are you getting this?”

“You’ve never read them have you?” Becky asked.

“Read what?” Mara asked.

“The supernatural books by Carver Edlund,” Becky said.

“No idea what you're talking about,” Mara said.

“It's a book series,” she said, “but they are so totally real. You meet the boys during a ghost case and soon meet Lucifer and it so looks like you two are gonna become a thing,”.

“Yeah,” Mara said a little scared of the girl now, “sweetie, you should go home and rest,”.

“Oh, yeah ok,” Becky said and walked off.

“Wow,” Mara said as she headed up the steps to her house. Never noticing the figure watching her from the shadows of the trees down the street. Mara sat in her living room relaxed on the couch playing around on her laptop. She decided to look up the books the strange girl talked about. It was a real series. There was a character named Mara Andrews. She hunted alongside two brothers named Sam and Dean Winchester. According to the latest few books, Mara does become the affection of a fallen archangel named Lucifer. “You’re giving this too much thought,” she told herself as she closed her laptop and placed it on the coffee table.

She threw the blanket on the back of the couch over her and fell asleep watching TV. Lucifer appeared in the room and looked down at the sleeping woman. “Mara Andrews,” he said to himself. “Why has my father chosen you to captivate me? And how was he so right?” The archangel moved a lock of her dark hair from her face. He couldn’t deny she was beautiful. Then he noticed a slight look of distress on her face. “What are dreaming of?” he thought to himself as he touched his two fingers to her forehead. He saw her in a dark field and a man was chasing her. He zapped himself into her dream.

Mara walked backward never taking her eyes off the stranger walking toward her with wide eyes and a creepy grin on his face. She found herself against a tree. The man grabbed her by the throat and she closed her eyes. “You sure that’s wise?” she heard a voice ring out through the field.

“This doesn’t concern you?” the guy said.

“Oh, but it does,” Lucifer said displaying his glowing red eyes. The man dropped Mara and tried to run, but he didn’t get far before Lucifer snapped and he turned into a puff of smoke. Mara sat against the tree trying to catch her breath. Lucifer walked over to her. “Are you alright?” he said offering his hand. She had this nightmare plenty of times, but she had never seen this man in it before. He wore a dark gray suit, his blonde hair combed back, and bright blue eyes seem to almost glow. She took his hand and he helped her up.

“Thank you,” she said, “what happened?”.

“I think I must have spooked him off,” he said.

“Oh, I’m Mara,” she introduced herself holding out her hand. Lucifer didn’t wanna scare her by giving his full name.

“I’m Lue,” he said taking her hand and planting a soft kiss on the back of it. Butterflies shot through her at the touch of his lips on her hand.

“I’ve always hated this nightmare,” she said, “it's so creepy,”.

“Even with nightmares you can find beauty,” Lucifer said.

“What do you mean?” she asked confused. Lucifer smiled.

“A nightmare is a dream right?” he asked as she nodded, “and in a dream, you can do anything,”. He looked at the sky and saw it was pitch black. He waved his hand across the sky and bright stars appeared. He snapped his fingers and the dead trees and plants popped to life with bright colors and she could smell the flowers.

“It's gorgeous,” she said looking around. Lucifer smiled.

“Nature often is,” he said as he snapped his fingers again and she found herself in a black dress that ended just above her knees and it had long sheer sleeves on it that had a floral design to them. He hair was up in a french braided bun. “And your beauty only enhances it,”. She felt a small blush on her cheeks. He snapped his fingers again and soft, romantic music started to play out of nowhere. He held out his hand. “May I have this dance?” he asked.

“Of course,” she said taking his hand. He walked her into the middle of the field. He placed his hands around her waist as she placed her’s on his shoulders. They moved perfectly to the music that played. Mara was finding herself more and more attracted to this dream man. She found herself fighting the urge to stare into his beautiful blue eyes. He smiled and dipped her. He leaned down and whispered into her ear.

“See even nightmares can be beautiful,” he leaned up enough to look into her bright green eyes and then softly placed his lips on her’s,”. That’s when Mara woke up. A wave of sadness hit her at the thought of all that being a dream. It was odd, but she could still feel the softness of his lips on her’s. She went back to sleep hoping the beautiful nightmare would return. Lucifer watched from the doorway of the dining room behind her. “In time my love,” he thought to himself and vanished.

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#lucifer supernatural #fanfiction #imagines

[annachronistic]

BBC Les Mis highlights

I waited till the last minute to review decided to review the BBC Les Mis series after all 6 episodes have aired.  So here’s my partially analytical, partially comical commentary on the BBC series.  A lot of stuff under the cut, lol.

- The Waterloo scene with Thénardier flexin’ like he wasn’t just about to rob Pontmercy 😒.  The dude’s so two-faced, but that’s in character.

- The Toulon prison scene looks like it was filmed in an arid, desert-like region, like Zion National Park.  I’m very curious about where this was filmed!

- One moment in the Toulon scene that stood out to me was with the prisoner about to get executed by firing squad.  And Javert just says “fire” in the most monotone voice ever as if it was nothing.  It really shows how indifferent he is to this sort of stuff.

- The “you will never win” line from Javert makes him seem like a stereotypical movie villain.  Just add lightning and a dramatic music sting wait, there’s no music allowed.

- The French dialog in the background is a clever way to establish the setting.  I wish I knew more French so I could understand the background conversations!

- The parts of episode 1 with Fantine and her homies just hanging out and being happy were my favorite scenes.

- Fantine is played by Lily Collins, who is Phil Collins’ daughter.  Phil Collins is a musician.  But I thought there was no singing allowed, Davies 😤

- I like how Fantine has a last name (Tibeau) in this series.  I like the idea of giving names to characters with unmentioned last/first names in the book.

- Georges Pontmercy tries to contact his father-in-law George Washington Gillenormand, who is a pretentious royalist that won’t let Marius see his dad.

- Seriously, I know almost nothing about 19th century fashion and I still can tell that Gillenormand and his royalist buddies’ hairstyles are anachronistic.

- Cosette, Éponine, and Azelma playing together after Fantine arrived with Cosette at the inn reminded me of the powerpuff girls with their hair styles.

-This is sad as well, because this the last time Cosette will be happy in a very long time.

- Fantine being optimistic and thinking she’ll see Cosette in 6 months really makes me sad, knowing what will happen in the future.

- Madeleine firing Fantine for lying (when he himself is lying, in a way, by hiding his identity) seems harsh and out-of character.  Valjean is supposed to have the most dramatic character changes of all the characters, but it looks like he hasn’t changed at all since Toulon.

- Javert talks to Madeleine in the same condescending way he did when he was 24601.  He was being all passive-aggressive and basically accusing him of being a criminal without directly saying it to his face.

- The dude that buys Fantine’s hair and teeth looks hella creepy.  Like wtf is that tattoo near his eye?

- Javert was super indifferent to Fantine’s death.

- Javert seems more like lawful evil than lawful neutral in this series.

- Valjean Harry Houdinis himself out of prison and shows up to get Cosette...2 years later?

- Rosalie Thénardier (again, I like that she has a first name) is depicted very well and is not solely a comic relief.

- Creepy hair buying guy returns and sells Chuckie Catherine to Valjean

- Valjean when he sees that Thénardier followed him and Cosette into the woods to bargain for more money:

- Cosette is right.  The landlord is a nosy lil bitch.

- At the end of episode 3, Javert gets super pissed that Valjean has narrowly escaped.  This is so sad Alexa play One Way or Another by Blondie.

- Big time jump!  What year is it?  Now I miss the exact year being shown on the screen.

- Valjean has morphed into Queen Aggravain from Once Upon a Mattress, so I guess Cosette is a much-smarter Prince Dauntless?  (Stop it annachronistic!  This is not a musical review.  Andrew Davies forbids it 😠)

- Since Cosette has some traits of an ingenue, and since Davies likes making female characters one-dimensional, I was afraid that he was gonna make her really dumb.  Thankfully she is smart, and I don’t think that Valjean perceives her as being dumb.  I think he is trying to shelter her from the world not because he thinks she is weak, but because he is super paranoid and has trust issues.  Like he might be afraid of her meeting someone like Tholomyes or Thénardier.

- But Valjean goes about his protection of Cosette in the most jerkish way possible. 

- Mabeuf is the real MVP

- The return of the landlord in episode 4 (dun dun dunn)

- I hate the strip tease scene.  Like stahp.

- And I also dislike the over-sexualization of (abused!) women, and the idea that a woman has to be “sexy” or beautiful in order to be loved.  In the words of the great Bart Baker “It sends the message to young girls: pretty equals happiness.  If you’re ugly then you’re worthless and your life will be bland and shitty”

- In episode 4 Marius is pretty much a socially awkward Glenn Quagmire from Family Guy.

- The scene where Thénardier forces Azlema to break the window with her hand makes Thénardier look like a sociopath.

- I don’t know why Valjean took Cosette to the Gorbeau house where the Thénardiers were staying.  I think it’s to emphasize that Cosette remembers the Thénardiers?

- New drinking game: take a shot every time Thénardier says he was in Waterloo.

- The Gorbeau house raid was actually my favorite scene of episode 4 (I’m biased because I’m an action movie fan), although there is a shocking lack of “would you like my hat?”.

- Valjean going crazy and burning his arm with the hot iron and Madame Thénardier throwing that giant ass rock!   I think X Gon’ Give It To Ya by DMX would be the perfect soundtrack for the Gorbeau house scene.

- Gavroche’s brothers/gamin buddies in episode 5!

- Also, Gavroche looks like Huey Freeman from The Boondocks.  I cannot unsee this.

- Marius, justifiably upset at his grandfather says “You disrespected my father, and now you disrespect wife?!”  Like, he didn’t even say “future” wife, and he’s only spoken to her 4 times in the show.  Slow down there, buckaroo.

- Also Gillenormand changes somewhat even he changed more than Valjean wtf and has some regrets about not letting Marius see his dad.

- I hate seeing Valjean fighting with Cosette.  In fact, the whole thing is pretty farcical.  There are a lot of Jerry Springer moments.

- Case in point: Enjolras.  The background info for the reasons for the June rebellion was glossed over pretty quickly, so it seems like he’s starting shit just to start shit.

- Javert thinks Valjean is the leader of the rebellion like wtf?  At this point, BBC Javert seems more like the Javert from the musical (ya know, going after the same criminal for almost 2 decades instead of randomly meeting him in a series of coincidences). 

- I love the drone shots of the barricades

- Marius goes from super giddy to suicide bomber in like one day.  I love the recurring theme of characters going berserk.

- And Enjolras and the rebels thought that was a badass moment for him.

- It’s a 3-way tie between Valjean, Javert, and Marius for being the most extra™ character in the series.

- Cosette saying “I hate you” to Valjean somehow seemed both out-of character and justified.

- Éponine getting shot was too sad.

- Gavroche’s body getting put next to Éponine‘s :(

- The army guy staring at Grantaire and Enjolras after killing them :(

- After Valjean finds him at the barricade and sees he has a knife Javert is like:

- Valjean saying he might “change his mind” about not killing Javert ???

- not enough sewers 0/10

- Gillenormand’s reaction when he thought that Marius was dead made me finally feel sympathy for him

- Javert’s suicide was surreal because he was methodical about it.  After crying for a few seconds, he goes back to his stoic self and jumps off the bridge because he actually sees it as a logical solution.

- Valjean casually admitting to Marius that he was thinking about murdering him *eyeroll*

- The biggest what-the-fuck moment (history wise) was when Thénardier said he was going to La Jolla in the New World to trade slaves.  If I heard it right, he is talking about La Jolla in California.  California did not become a state until 1850.  So if this is true, then Cosette is in her mid-30′s, Marius is at least 40, and Thénardier is at least 77.  Damn, they aged well!

- Valjean’s hair finally changed color once he slips into depression.

- At least Valjean had a peaceful death, and Cosette was by his side.  His relationship with his daughter was resolved and the story was able to (sort of) have a happy ending.

- Speaking of endings, the series ends on a frickin’ cliff hanger with the two gamin boys begging on the streets.  I guess it’s to show that the world is still a cruel place, but some can overcome it?

- We now need Les Misérables 2: Thénardier goes to America and his 2 unnamed sons get adopted by the Pontmercys.

#les miserables #les miserables bbc #long post #jean valjean #fantine #cosette #marius #eponine #enjolras #grantaire #gavroche #courfeyrac #les amis #javert #the thenardiers #azelma #mabeuf #references to other shows #like a lot #family guy #once upon a mattress #the boondocks #drawn together

[stupendousbananatiger]

EP 12 | You Knock on My Door (Sen Çal Kapımı) 12.Bölüm/Episode 12 [ENGSUB] FOX Türkiye

Watch You Knock on My Door (Sen Çal Kapımı) Season 1 Episode 12 1–2–3–4–5–1–7–8–9–10 Full Episode You Knock on My Door (Sen Çal Kapımı) Temporada 1 Capítulo 12 Sub English / Español 2020 ➤ http://watchepisode.online-tvs.com/series/383383/1/12 VISIT HERE ➤➤ http://watchepisode.online-tvs.com/series/383383/1/12

Finally in the end Serkan made his declaration of love. Now it is Eda's turn. But it is not going to be easy to obtain Eda's declaration. Serkan waits patiently in order to hear that Eda is in love with him. Now we also have to deal with keeping this a secret from the families. Since Eda's aunt learned about the engagement agreement, she cannot tell her that she and Serkan and now a real couple in love. With Eda's insistence, Serkan agrees to keep this a secret. But they and their relationship is going to go through many adventures while they keep this secret.

🎬 You Knock on My Door (Sen Çal Kapımı) Episode 12 Online Free 🎬

Title : You Knock on My Door Episode Title : Episode 12 Release Date : 30 Sep 2020 Runtime : 120 minutes Genres : Comedy , Drama , Romance Networks : FOX Türkiye

You Knock on My Door (Sen Çal Kapımı)

Eda, who ties all her hopes to her education, confronts Serkan Bolat, who cuts off her international education scholarship and leaves her with high school diploma. Serkan Bolat offers Eda to give her scholarship back if she pretends to be his fiance for two months. Although Eda rejects the offer of this man as she hates him, she has to accept it when the conditions change. While pretending to be engaged, Serkan and Eda begin to experience a passionate, challenging relationship that will make them forget all they know right. Because love is difficult. And that's why it's amazing.

Show Info

Network: Turkey FOX Türkiye (2020 - now) Schedule: Wednesdays at 20:00 (120 min) Status: Running Language: Turkish Show Type: Scripted Genres: Drama Comedy Romance

With dozens of films genre being released each year, a typical one that gets overlooked by the more popular ones (action, drama, comedy, animation, etc.) is the subgenre category of religious movie. These films (sometimes called “faith-based” features) usually center around the struggles and ideas of a person (or groups) identity of a religious faith, which is, more or less, has a profound event or obstacle to overcome. While not entirely, the most commonplace religious type movies focus on the religion of Christianity, sometimes venturing back into the past in cinematic retelling classic biblical tales, including famed epic films like Ten Commandments and Ben-Hur (the original 1959 version) to some more modern endeavors from Hollywood like Risen, The Young Messiah, and Paul, Apostle of Christ. Other Christian “faith” films finds a more contemporary setting to tell its story, with some being “based on a true-life account” like the movies Unconditional, Heaven is Real, Unbroken, I Can Only Imagine, Indivisible, and Miracles from Heaven, while others might find inspiration from literary novels / fictionalized narratives like The Shack, Overcomer, War Room, and Same Kind of Different as Me. Regardless, whether finding inspiration from true life, references from the bible, or originality, these movies usually speaks on a person’s faith and the inner struggle he or she has within or one society’s views, spreading a message of belief and the understand of one’s belief. Now, after the success of 2018’s I Can Only Imagine, directors Andrew and Jon Erwin (the Erwin Brothers) and Lionsgate studios release the 2020 faith-based film / music biopic feature I Still Believe. Does the film walk a fine line between its religious aspects and cinematic entertainment or does the movie get entangled in its own faith-based preaching?

THE STORY

Its 1999 and Jeremy Camp (K.J. Apa) is a young and aspiring musician who would like nothing more than to honor his God through the power of music. Leaving his Indiana home for the warmer climate of California and a college education, Jeremy soon comes across one Melissa Henning (Britt Robertson), a fellow college student that he takes notices in the audience at a local concert. Falling for cupid’s arrow immediately, he introduces himself to her and quickly discovers that she is attracted to him too. However, Melissa holds back from forming a budding relationship as she fears it will create an awkward situation between Jeremy and their mutual friend, Jean-Luc (Nathan Parson), a fellow musician and who also has feeling for Melissa. Still, Jeremy is relentless in his pursuit of her until they eventually find themselves in a loving dating relationship. However, their youthful courtship with each other comes to a halt when life-threating news of Melissa having cancer takes center stage. The diagnosis does nothing to deter Jeremey’s love for her and the couple eventually marries shortly thereafter. Howsoever, they soon find themselves walking a fine line between a life together and suffering by her illness; with Jeremy questioning his faith in music, himself, and with God himself.

THE GOOD / THE BAD

Sorry if this sounds a bit familiar pieces from my review of I Can Only Imagine, but it definitely says what I feel about these films. While I am a devout Christian (not a crazy zealot or anything like that) for my bases of religion and my outlook beliefs in life, I’m not a huge fan of the “faith-based” feature films. That’s not to say that they’re bad or that I find them deplorable to the other more popular movie genres out there, but sometimes they can a bit preachy and corny / honky in their religious overtones and overall dramatic direction. Personally, I like the more biblical tales that Hollywood as put over, with Cecil B. Demile’s The Ten Commandments and William Wyler’s Ben-Hur; both of have proven to stand the test of time within filmmaking. Of course, Hollywood’s recent trend of put out more “remakes” movies puts an overcast on those biblical epics with 2014’s Exodus: Gods and Kings and 2016’s Ben-Hur; both of which failed to capture a sense of cinematic integrity and had a messy religious outlook in its zeal aspect. Of late, however, Hollywood as retreated more into contemporary pieces, finding narratives that are, more or less, set in a more “modern” day and age to their Christian-faithful based features. As I mentioned above, some have found success in their literary forms (being based on a book and adapted to the big screen), but most derive their inspiration from true life accounts, translating into something that’s meant to strike a chord (with moviegoers) due to its “based on a true story” aspect and nuances. Again, some are good (as I liked Unbroken and The Shack), while others kind of become a bit too preachy and let the religious overtures hamper the film, making them less-than desirable to mainstream audiences or even members of their own faiths. Thus, these religious-esque films can sometimes be problematic in their final presentation for both its viewers and in the film itself; sometimes making the movie feel like a TV channel movie rather than a theatrical feature film. This brings me around to talking about I Still Believe, a 2020 motion picture release of the Christian religious faith-based genre. As almost customary, Hollywood usually puts out two (maybe three) films of this variety movies within their yearly theatrical release lineup, with the releases usually being around spring time and / or fall respectfully. I didn’t hear much when this movie was first announced (probably got buried underneath all the popular movies news on the newsfeed). My first actual glimpse of the movie was when the film’s movie trailer was released, which looked somewhat interesting to me. Yes, it looked the movie was gonna be the typical “faith-based” vibe, but it was going to be directed by the Erwin Brothers, who directed I Can Only Imagine (a film that I did like). Plus, the trailer for I Still Believe premiered for quite some time, so I kept on seeing it a lot of time when I went to my local movie theater. You can kind of say that it was a bit “engrained in my brain”. Thus, I was a bit keen on seeing it. Fortunately, I was able to see it before the COVID-19 outbreak closed the movie theaters down (saw it during its opening night), but, due to work scheduling, I haven’t had the time to do my review for it…. until now. And what did I think of it? Well, it was pretty “meh”. While its heart is definitely in the right place and quite sincere, I Still Believe is a bit too preachy and unbalanced within its narrative execution and character developments. The religious message is clearly there, but takes too many detours and not focusing on certain aspects that weigh the feature’s presentation. As mentioned, I Still Believe is directed by the Erwin Brothers (Andrew and Jon), whose previous directorial works include such films like Moms’ Night Out, Woodlawn, and I Can Only Imagine. Given their affinity attraction religious based Christian movies, the Erwin Brothers seem like a suitable choice in bringing Jeremy Camp’s story to a cinematic representation; approaching the material with a certain type of gentleness and sincerity to the proceedings. Much like I Can Only Imagine, the Erwin Brothers shape the feature around the life of a popular Christian singer; presenting his humble beginnings and all the trials and tribulations that he must face along the way, while musical songs / performance taking importance into account of the film’s narrative story progression. That’s not to say that the movie isn’t without its heavier moments, with the Erwin, who (again) are familiar with religious overtones themes in their endeavors, frame I Still Believe compelling messages of love, loss, and redemption, which (as always) are quite fundamental to watch and experience through tragedy. This even speaks to the film’s script, which was penned by Erwin brothers playing double duty on the project, that has plenty of heartfelt dramatic moments that will certainly tug on the heartstrings of some viewers out there as well as provide to be quite an engaging tale of going through tragedy and hardship and finding a redemption arc to get out of it. This is especially made abundantly clear when dealing with a fatal illness that’s similar to what Melissa undergoes in the film, which is quite universal and reflective in everyone’s world, with the Erwin Brothers painting the painful journey that Melissa takes along with Jeremy by her side, who must learn to cope with pain of a loved one. There is a “double edge” sword to the film’s script, but I’ll mention that below. Suffice to say, the movie settles quickly into the familiar pattern of a religious faith-based feature that, while not exactly polished or original, can be quite the “comfort food” to some; projecting a wholesome message of faith, hope, and love. Personally, I didn’t know of Jeremy Camp and the story of he and Melissa Henning, so it was quite a poignant journey that was invested unfolding throughout the film’s proceedings. As a side-note, the movie is a bit a “tear jerker”, so for those who prone to crying during these dramatic heartfelt movies….get your tissues out. In terms of presentation, I Still Believe meets the industry standard of a religious faith-based motion pictures. Of course, theatrical endeavors like these don’t really have big budged production money to invest in the film’s creation. Thus, filmmakers have to spend their money wisely in bringing their cinematic tales to life on the silver screen. To that effect, the Erwin Brothers smartly utilized this knowledge in the movie’s creation; budgeting the various aspects of the background and genetic theatrical make-up that feel appropriate and genuine in the film’s narrative. So, all the various “behind the scenes” team / areas that I usually mention (i.e. production designs, set decorations, costumes, and cinematography, etc.) are all relatively good as I really don’t have much to complain (whether good or bad) about them. Again, they meet the industry standard for a faith-based movie. Additionally, the musical song parts are pretty good as well. As mentioned, I really didn’t know anything about Jeremy Camp, so I couldn’t say what songs of his were good, but the songs that are presented in the film were pretty decent enough to certain highlight points throughout the movie. Though they are somewhat short (assuming not the whole song is being played), but still effectively good and nice to listen to. Might have to check out a few of the real songs one day. Lastly, the film’s score, which was done by John Debney, fits perfect with this movie; projecting the right amount of heartfelt tenderness in some scenes and inspirational melodies of enlightenment in others. Unfortunately, not all is found to be pure and religiously cinematic in the movie as I Still Believe gets weighed down with several major points of criticism and execution in the feature. How so? For starters, the movie feels a bit incomplete in Jeremy Camp’s journey. What’s presented works (somewhat), but it doesn’t hold up, especially because the Erwin Brothers have a difficult time in nailing down the right narrative path for the film to take. Of course, the thread of Jeremy and Melissa are the main central focus (and justly so), but pretty much everything else gets completely pushed aside, including Jeremy’s musical career rise to stardom and many of the various characters and their importance (more on that below). This also causes the film to have a certain pacing issues throughout the movie, with I Still Believe runtime of 116 minutes (one hour and fifty-six minutes) feeling longer than it should be, especially with how much narrative that the Erwin Brothers skip out on (i.e. several plot chunks / fragments are left unanswered or missing). Additionally, even if a viewer doesn’t know of Jeremy Camp’s story, I Still Believe does, for better or worse, follow a fairly predictable path that’s quite customary for faith-based movie. Without even reading anything about the real lives of Jeremy and Melissa prior to seeing the feature, it’s quite clearly as to where the story is heading and what will ultimately play out (i.e. plot beats and theatrical narrative act progression). Basically, if you’ve seeing one or two Christian faith-based film, you’ll know what to expect from I Still Believe. Thus, the Erwin Brothers don’t really try to creatively do something different with the film…. instead they reinforce the idealisms of Christian and of faith in a formulaic narrative way that becomes quite conventional and almost a bit lazy. There is also the movie’s dialogue and script handling, which does become problematic in the movie’s execution, which is hampered by some wooden / forced dialogue at certain scenes (becoming very preachy and cheesy at times) as well as the feeling of the movie’s story being rather incomplete. There’s a stopping point where the Erwin Brothers settle on, but I felt that there could’ve more added, including more expansion on his music career and several other characters. Then there is the notion of the film being quite secular in its appeal, which is quite understandable, but relies too heavy on its religious thematic messages that can be a bit “off-putting” for some. It didn’t bother me as much, but after seeing several other faith-based movies prior to this (i.e. I Can Only Imagine, Overcomer, Indivisible, etc.), this particular movie doesn’t really rise to Cursed in Love and falls prey to being rather generic and flat for most of its runtime. As you can imagine, I Still Believe, while certainly sincere and meaningful in its storytelling, struggles to find a happy balance in its narrative and execution presentation; proving to be difficult in conveying the whole “big picture” of its message and Jeremey Camp’s journey. The cast in I Still Believe is a mixed bag. To me, none of the acting talents are relatively bad (some are better than others…. I admit), but their characterizations and / or involvement in the film’s story is problematic to say the least. Leading the film’s narrative are two protagonist characters of Jeremy Camp and Melissa Henning, who are played by the young talents of K.J. Apa and Britt Robertson respectfully. Of the two, Apa, known for his roles in Riverdale, The Last Summer, and The Hate U Give, is the better equipped in character development and performance as the young and aspiring musical talent of Jeremy Camp. From the get-go, Apa has a likeable charm / swagger to him, which make his portrayal of Jeremy immediately endearing from onset to conclusion. All the scenes he does are well-represented (be it character-based or dramatic) and certainly sells the journey that Jeremy undergoes in the movie. Plus, Apa can also sing, which does lend credence to many of the scene’s musical performance. For Robertson, known for her roles in Tomorrowland, Ask Me Anything, and The Space Between Us, she gets hampered by some of the film’s wooden / cheesy dialogue. True, Robertson’s performance is well-placed and well-mannered in projecting a sense of youthful and dewy-eyed admiration in Mellissa, especially since the hardships here character undergoes in the feature, but it’s hard to get passed the cringeworthy dialogue written for her. Thus, Robertson’s Melissa ends up being the weaker of the two. That being said, both Apa and Robertson do have good on-screen chemistry with each other, which certainly does sell the likeable / loving young relationship of Jeremy and Melissa. In more supporting roles, seasoned talents like actor Gary Sinise (Forest Gump and Apollo 13) and musician singer Shania Twain play Jeremey’s parents, Tom and Terry Camp. While both Sinise and Twain are suitable for their roles as a sort of small town / Midwest couple vibe, their characters are little more than window dressing for the feature’s story. Their screen presence / star power lends weigh to the project, but that’s pretty much it; offering up a few nuggets to bolster a few particular scenes here and there, which is disappointing. Everyone else, including actor Nathan Parsons (General Hospital and Nadia: The Secret of Blue Water) as musical talent and mutual friend to both Jeremy and Melissa, Jean-Luc Lajoie, young actor Reuben Dodd (The Bridge and Teachers) as Jeremy’s handicapped younger brother, Joshua Camp, and his other younger brother, Jared Camp (though I can’t find out who played him the movie), are relatively made up in smaller minor roles that, while acted fine, are reduced to little more than just underdeveloped caricatures in the film, which is a shame and disappointing.

FINAL THOUGHTS

The power of faith, love, and affinity for music take center stage in Jeremy Camp’s life story in the movie I Still Believe. Directors Andrew and Jon Erwin (the Erwin Brothers) examine the life and times of Jeremy Camp’s life story; pin-pointing his early life with his relationship Melissa Henning as they battle hardships and their enduring love for one another through difficult times. While the movie’s intent and thematic message of a person’s faith through trouble times is indeed palpable as well as the likeable musical performances, the film certainly struggles to find a cinematic footing in its execution, including a sluggish pace, fragmented pieces, predicable plot beats, too preachy / cheesy dialogue moments, over utilized religious overtones, and mismanagement of many of its secondary /supporting characters. To me, this movie was somewhere between okay and “meh”. It was definitely a Christian faith-based movie endeavor (from start to finish) and definitely had its moments, but it just failed to resonate with me; struggling to find a proper balance in its undertaking. Personally, despite the story, it could’ve been better. Thus, my recommendation for this movie is an “iffy choice” at best as some will like (nothing wrong with that), while others will not and dismiss it altogether. Whatever your stance on religious faith-based flicks, I Still Believe stands as more of a cautionary tale of sorts; demonstrating how a poignant and heartfelt story of real-life drama can be problematic when translating it to a cinematic endeavor. For me, I believe in Jeremy Camp’s story / message, but not so much the feature.

#drama #comedy #romance

[cksmart-world]

The completely unnecessary news analysis

by Christopher Smart

March 31, 2020

WHY TRUMP HATES CORONAVIRUS

& WAFFLE HOUSE CODE RED

1- Donald Trump hates coronavirus because he can't spin it: “It's a low-energy virus with small hands.”

2- Because Ivanka can't make a buck on it. “Daddy, what about my designer “Ivanka” handbags? China doesn't want them anymore.”

3-Trump hates coronavirus because it doesn't respond to tweets: “You Loser Virus. YOU'RE NOTHING”

4- Because he can't bluff his way around it: “We are very, very prepared. In a minute, we'll have a vaccine. Did I say we were great? I'm a 10.”

5- Because he didn't believe those dicks at the NSA when they warned of the coming pandemic in January. “They are liars. Deep State bad people. We're gonna get rid of them.”

6- Trump hates coronavirus because Fake News sucks. “You are terrible reporters. Trying to scare people, just because everybody in Italy is dying. You're scum.”

7- Because science is bullshit. “I know a lot more than those scientists. A lot more. My grandfather was smart. I've been right a lot. It'll magically disappear.”

8- Because Obama did it. “We inherited everything bad from Obama. It was a broken system. All broken. It's really the Obama virus.”

9- Because it doesn't like Easter. “All of everybody loves Easter. It's special. We're going to open up. Everything will open up. Coronavirus can't stop Easter Bunnies.”

10- And Donald Trump hates the coronavirus because the stock market is tanking. “It'll come back, like in a second. We do numbers very well. Nobody does numbers like we do. We had the greatest economy in the world. Fucking virus.

WAFFLE HOUSE CODE RED; TOILET PAPER CODE BROWN

OK, this is bad. Waffle House almost never closes — not blizzards nor tornadoes; not terrorists nor the Ku Klux Klan can shutter these symbols of Americana. They stay open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. When they do close, you know it's cataclysmic. As such, Waffle Houses have become a disaster barometer for FEMA. The Waffle House Index shows Code Green when the local restaurant is open and Code Red when it’s closed. It's now RED, RED, RED. (No Wilson, we did not make this up.) As FEMA Director W. Craig Fugate said: “The Waffle House index doesn’t just tell us how quickly businesses might rebound – it also tells us how the larger community is faring.” Well, our emergency preparedness unit here at Smart Bomb determined to institute new codes valuable to public awareness during this trying time: Code White — when ski resorts close early causing people's heads to explode. Code Brown — when grocery store shelves are emptied of toilet paper by panicky people who fear... well, you know. And Code Black — for the scariest times, such as when President Trump says, “If we have between 200,000 and 240,000 people die, we will have done a very good job.”

WHEN FLU KILLED 675,000 AMERICANS

—World War I ended on Nov. 11, 1918. It claimed about 16 million lives worldwide, including 120,000 Americans (The U.S. didn't enter the war until April, 1917). The influenza epidemic of 1918-1919 killed 50 million of the world's 1.6 billion people. The U.S. population of 130 million was reduced by 675,000 flu victims — 555,000 more than perished in the war.

—In March 1918, more than 100 soldiers at Camp Funston in Fort Riley, Kansas become ill with flu. Within a week the number of flu cases quintupled, leading to 47 deaths, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC).

—The first written report of influenza appears April 5, 1918, in a weekly public health report. It detailed 18 severe cases and three deaths in Haskell, Kansas. It quickly spread across the country.

—The end of World War I cases of influenza surged as people celebrated Armistice Day and soldiers begin to demobilize. In October, alone, 195,000 Americans died.

—That fall of 1918, the U.S. experienced a severe shortages of professional nurses when they deployed to military camps in the US and abroad. Trained African American nurses were not utilized.

—In November 1918, Salt Lake City officials placed quarantine signs on front and rear doors of 2,000 homes where occupants had been struck with flu. Utah had one of the highest death rates in the country.

—A third wave of influenza struck in the late winter and spring of 1919. In San Francisco, 1,800 flu cases and 101 deaths were reported in the first five days of January.

—More than 700 cases of influenza and 67 deaths were reported in New York City, triggering fear of a recurrence of severe flu activity.

—New cases diminished and the pandemic subsided with the coming of summer and warmer weather.

—Officials at Boston City Hospital requested a special appropriation of $3,000 from Boston Mayor Andrew James Peters to study treatments for the mysterious disease.

—Recent pandemics include: 1957 Asian flu; 1981 HIV/AIDS; 2003 SARS; 2009 swine flu; 2014 Ebola.

—“The panic-then-forget cycle was broken briefly in 2014, when Ebola tore through West Africa. President Barack Obama created a new office and established a special emergency fund to improve federal response efforts. His administration also launched a global initiative meant to help high-risk, low-income countries prepare for future outbreaks. By 2018, that progress had been undone by the Trump administration. The office was disbanded and the funds were rescinded, even as a second Ebola outbreak emerged in the Democratic Republic of Congo.” — The New York Times.

THAT WAS THEN, THIS IS NOW

Ever wonder if things would be different today if there were only three TV networks and no internet. Well, that was the case in 1973 when the Watergate scandal threatened to take down President Richard Nixon. Jill Wine-Banks, then a young attorney who served on the committee investigating Nixon during the impeachment proceedings, recently said that partisanship now is much worse than it was then. “We were all dealing with the same facts,” she said referring to the plethora of information sources now available. In the end, Nixon resigned after top Republicans abandoned him. It is interesting to note that it was a coverup that brought Nixon down and not the secret agreement — a quid pro quo — he struck with South Vietnam President Nguyễn Văn Thiệu to boycott the Paris Peace Talks before the 1968 election in exchange for enhanced power in Saigon. That could have been the difference in the Republican's razor-thin victory over Hubert Humphrey. But that was then. Now, of course, we have cable TV and scores of internet info sources, such as Breitbart and the Drudge Report. There are two Americas — one watches Fox and listens to Rush Limbaugh and the other is tuned to mainstream media, which includes The Washington Post and The New York Times. Back then, when political parties had power, someone like an eccentric real estate tycoon from New York with a reputation for bankruptcies and groping women would likely never have been nominated for president. That's progress for you.

Post script — Well, that's it for another week of pandemic lockdown hell — which for folks like Paris Hilton isn't all that bad because they have lots of mirrors in their houses. But seriously folks, this coronavirus thing is getting old and we've got a long way yet to go until we're free. But try to look on the bright side, it's better than Syria — uncounted old folks, women and children are being killed daily by bombs, bullets and famine. That's easy for us to ignore, especially when we've got our own troubles and HBO. When Wilson and the band get tired of watching the tube they jam, while honoring social distancing and drinking beer. Lately, they've been tryin' out all kinds of old stuff from the Glory Days. For example, they did a rendition of “Quicksand,” by Jesse Colin Young and the Youngbloods. They tried some Byrds stuff from Sweetheart Of The Rodeo, including “I Like The Christian Life.” They even took a swing at “Lawyers, Guns and Money,” by Warren Zevon. But if you're not a musician, like most of the staff here at Smart Bomb, it's more challenging to entertain yourself. We have done some reading, of course, including a new book on our disastrous war in Vietnam by Washington Post columnist Max Boot, called “The Road Not Taken: Edward Lansdale and the American Tragedy in Vietnam.” Unfortunately, our presence in Afghanistan and Iraq shows that we didn't learn much from our misadventure in Southeast Asia. Somebody soon will write a book called “American Tragedy in Afghanistan and Iraq.” Hey did you know the blockbuster political novel called “The Ugly American,” was based on Lansdale's role for the CIA in Vietnam before the place blew up? See what you can learn when you can't go to bars.

All right, Wilson, wake up the band and take us out with one of your new covers:

Quicksand closing in around my eyes Quicksand forcing me to realize Nothing that I see

Can get through this wall to me This wall of quicksand closing in around my mind Quicksand and I'm losing track of time

Talking about Quicksand...

[bobbystompy]

My Top 120 Songs Of 2017

Previously: 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

The one saving grace is we do have 12 fewer than last year.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs for an artist, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track; not the ultimate factor, but it typically makes sharing the music easier

Speaking of… each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check any or every out for yourself

Oh, also, off the suggestion of Mike Gilkes -- and a few others -- I made this whole thing into a Spotify playlist, which you can peep here (includes 114 of the 120):

Let’s go?

120) Big Sean & Metro Boomin f/ 21 Savage - “Pull Up N Wreck”

Some mediocre, listenable rap made by dudes who know a bit better (well, at least 2/3rds of them).

119) Maroon 5 f/ Future - “Cold”

This song makes me feel mostly nothing... but the first minute of the video does have some solid Adam Levine alone-in-the-car acting.

/oh my god it has 119 million views

This was a lot easier to enjoy when I assumed it went unnoticed. Bonus points for the Wu-Tang shirt at the end.

118) Bleachers - “Hate That You Know Me”

Closed out 2017 undecided as ever on one Jack Antonoff. Should we hate him for dating Lena Dunham? Somehow respect him more? Give him mega credit for his big time pop songwriting collabs? Or is that a ding? Is he a nerd or the coolest guy in the cocktail bar? I do not know the answers to any of these questions, and this song is merely OK.

UPDATE: THEY GAWN

117) B.o.B f/ T.I. & Ty Dolla $ign - “4 Lit”

Real bad song with a mindless/terrible/misogynistic chorus. Yet... something about professional musicians sitting in a room and coming up with “4 Lit” as some sort of escalated to catchphrase to “lit” is just hilarious.

116) Prophets of Rage - “Unfuck The World”

Sure, this hits a lot of the same beats as Rage Against The Machine’s “Sleep Now In The Fire” from 18 years ago, but in these increasingly polarized, political times, I welcome their voice.

115) Kacy Hill - “Like A Woman”

This song is so chill and ethereal that it seems almost unfeasible for my punk/hip-hop/XX chromosome havin’ ass to completely sync with its wave.

114) The Decemberists - “Ben Franklin’s Song”

What happens when pop indie teams up with the lyrical stylings of Lin-Manuel Miranda? Well, this. I’m not sure if The Decemberists drop f-bombs in any of their other songs, but it pleases me to think it only happened here.

113) Offset & Metro Boomin - “Ric Flair Drip”

Mostly here for the beat.

112) Hurray For The Riff Raff - “Hungry Ghost”

A cool song that’s hard to put into a box. Indie? Pop? Rock? Forget labels, just enjoy.

(Minus a few points for the low hanging “girl/world” rhyme)

111) Wavves - “Dreams Of Grandeur”

I was pretty let down by the new Wavves LP, but this song sounds enough like the old stuff to be a net positive (despite being, like, 70 seconds too long)

110) Culture Abuse - “So Busted”

Culture Abuse got on my radar with last year’s all-timer, “Dream On”. It was an unrelenting, robotic pulverization. “So Busted” is more of a drug comedown; a ballad, even. While “Dream On” wanted to seek you out and kill you like a terminator; “So Busted” just wants a cuddle.

109) Trey Songz - “#1Fan”

This song is so dumb and funny and pseudo competent. Really not sure how the R&B guys get away with this shit.

108) The Killers - “The Man”

Is this in a movie? It should be in a movie. It’s kind of, like, a better version of what Arcade Fire has been trying to be.

107) New Lenox - “Protest Sweater”

A good song for the ending 2017 -- or any year, really -- and its run time (1:30) would make Joyce Manor proud.

106) Logic - “Everybody”

This is really good, but it reminds me so much of Kendrick that it becomes distracting.

105) Gorillaz f/ DRAM - “Andromeda”

Didn’t spend enough time listening to the new Gorillaz record, but I actually put the blame on them: it was long, man. So while I woulda loved to pick one of the songs with a cool cameo (hi, Vince Staples!), this is the one I actually had around the most. It’s all we’ve come to expect from this cartoon band -- kinda British, kinda futuristic, very undisturbed. Also, if it gets you back to the album before me, I heard that Damon Albarn told all collaborating artists to record their parts like the world was ending tomorrow.

104) Dropkick Murphys - “Blood”

If you know me at all, you know I historically have not been a fan of this band. But for whatever reason, this one connected -- bagpipes and all.

103) Captain, We’re Sinking - “Books”

CWS was never, ever going to top the falling-apart-desperation of 2013′s “The Future Is Cancelled”, but this song comes pleasantly close.

102) IRONTOM - “Be Bold Like Elijah”

My buddy Crooks rec’d this band, and the guitars give me Queens Of The Stone Age vibes in the best possible way. A bio on lastFM compared them to Arctic Monkeys, and you know what? I agree with that, too.

101) Jidenna - “A Bull’s Tale”

This song feels primed to explode and makes you wanna rip the shirt off your chest; only we don’t know if the bomb’s gonna blow in the middle or at the end.

100) Jeff Tweedy - “I Am Trying To Break Your Heart”

Yeah yeah, the original version of this dropped in 2002, and yes, it’s just a cover by the dude who originally sang it. I... do not care. It made me appreciate the confessional regret all over again.

99) Talib Kweli f/ Yummy Bingham & Jay Electronica - “All Of Us”

It was all bad just a week ago

Kweli and Jay Elect are a collab made in conscious rap heaven, so this song was more than a pleasant surprise.

98) Rise Against - “House On Fire”

This song could have been on “Revolutions Per Minute”. Or maybe I’m just saying that because of the hand grenade lyric in the chorus.

97) HAIM - “Want You Back”

Can’t imagine there being a lamer song on this list. HAIM and Bleachers should get in a wuss rock beef that ends with pistols.

96) The Bigger Empty - “By Its Own (So What)”

My producer plays bass in this band. This song is super solid, and, maybe most importantly in these completely divisive times, unoffensive and approachable. Kinda Hush Sound-y.

95) Little Big Town - “Lost In California” (note: link is to live version)

From the bros and broettes who brought us “Day Drinking” comes this much more subdued track. If you squint, it doesn’t really even seem like country. Granted, if they sang “Alabama” instead of “California”, you could probably call that claim out immediately.

94) Lana Del Rey - “Heroin”

Another beautiful/dreamy song from an artist who’s near-perfected that niche.

93) Wavves & Culture Abuse - “Up And Down”

Wavves and Culture Abuse have already made appearances on this list, and we haven’t even cracked the Top 80. Fortunately, their collaboration scored a little higher than their individual outputs. Shout out to their uplifting outro “I’ll just get high and I’ll die alone”.

92) The Chainsmokers & Coldplay - “Something Just Like This”

This song played at my gym all the time, and I was positive it was Coldplay. Then someone told me it was The Chainsmokers. Then I looked it up on YouTube, and it says “The Chainsmokers & Coldplay”... so what’s the deal, assholes?

91) Lil Peep f/ Lil Tracy - “Awful Things”

I hadn’t heard of Lil Peep when I found out of his passing in 2017. After looking up some pictures, I was nearly 100% positive his music was not for me. This was incorrect. I haven’t really listened to songs that sound like his; it’s kind of like rap that treads this line of being bad while also kinda sounding like alternative rock; destructive love song that doesn’t flinch.

90) AFI - “Dark Snow”

Nothing new, but Davey Havok can still sing circles around almost anybody.

89) Dashboard Confessional - “Love Yourself” (link is to live, partial version)

Well, Dashboard covered Biebs, and we all lived to tell the tale.

88) Garrett Dale - “2016 Was...”

This song would be a blast as a singalong in a late night hotel room. There’s something calming about celebrating -- or at least acknowledging -- everything sucking.

87) Katy Perry f/ Skip Marley - “Chained To The Rhythm”

Got more than a few issues with this song, but it’s catchy, so they’re mostly forgiven. Even though it’s Katy Perry, I was pretty surprised to see it racked up 444 million views.

And seriously who the hell is Skip Marley?!

86) The Ramblin’ Boys Of Pleasure - “Glug, Glug, Glug”

Now is probably a good time to plug the lead track from my band’s b-sides record that came out this year (ten years in the making, baby!). Mandatory listening if you’ve ever bonged brandy, partied in Champaign, or counted down in a country voice.

85) Charly Bliss - “Glitter”

It’s been nearly a year, but it’s still somewhat difficult to calibrate this singer’s voice. Is it a little too saccharine, too childlike, or just perfect? You be the judge.

84) Emperor X - “Wasted On The Senate Floor”

This singer is real god damn frenetic.

83) Father John Misty - “Total Entertainment Forever”

/obligatory “yes, this is the one with the Taylor Swift lyric” reference

FJM has such a pro’s pro voice and makes super sound music... but it’s also kinda hard to have an overall opinion. The more 50-50 I get, the more I think it’s not all that great. The video is a microcosm. Like... why is Macaulay Culkin paying Cobain? Is this a commentary on capitalism? Oooh, nah nah nahs are nice! As divided as I still am, I’m pretty positive this song is good-if-not-great.

82) St. Vincent - “New York”

This song is further proof that soft, radio friendly music can still benefit from a well placed “motherfucker”.

81) Andrew McMahon In The Wilderness - “Dead Man’s Dollar”

As long as Andrew McMahon’s project is called “Andrew McMahon In the Wilderness”, I will make fun of him like clockwork.

This song is nice. I sometimes sing “I want Thon Maker” when he says “I want to make a” in the chorus.

80) Kele Okereke - “Streets Been Talkin’”

Kele’s most impressive feat was sneaking “bae” right into the chorus without me noticing until literally right now.

79) Rick Ross - “Summer Seventeen” 

How the hell did this dumbass song get so high up on the list? I have no explanation. Classic Roazy though -- aim high, fake it till you make it. When I started my new job in August, IT reset my password to “summer2017″, and I had this song’s hook in my head nearly every time I typed it in. All told, a pretty hilarious way to start a work day.

78) Michelle Branch - “Best You Ever”

This song sounds so dark and sultry, but I’m not totally sure why. Branch rules.

77) Calvin Harris f/ Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean - “Feels”

The best way to ruin this song for anyone is to point out how much the hook sounds like Katy Perry singing “Don’t be afraid to catch fish”.

76) Morrissey - “Spent The Day In Bed”

This is a very low maintenance lyric video. So you can either make fun of that or the “I spent the day in bed / I’m not the type, but I love my bed” line.

75) Red City Radio - “If You Want Blood (Be My Guest)”

The “We don’t need a god damn thing from you” chorus is a little punk cliche to win me over, but the Oklahoma City reference (”where our dreams come true and die”) is the line I’ve been waiting for since I found out RCR was from there.

74) Sam Coffey & The Iron Lungs - “Talk 2 Her”

The closest we’ll get to a new Clash song in 2017.

73) Bad Cop/Bad Cop - “Womanarchist”

Factoring in the 2017′s themes (#MeToo, Harvey dead, etc.), this has to be the song title of the year. I smiled ear-to-ear watching this music video.

72) The Movielife - “Mercy Is Asleep At The Wheel”

Hey, The Movielife reunited!

71) The Rocket Summer - “Gone Too Long”

Unlike that lazy ass Morrissey, The Rocket Summer gave us a lyric video that basically passes as a legit music video.

70) Miguel f/ Travis Scott - “Sky Walker”

Me, every time I listen to this song:

“Ooh, beat is pretty solid.”

“Ah yeah, the hook’s good. I thought I really liked this song though...”

/falsetto part

“AW YEAH.”

69) Queens Of The Stone Age - “The Way You Used To Do”

Had never known about the Josh Homme/Elvis comparisons, but after hearing this, I totally get it now. Also: god damn it, man.

68) Macklemore f/ Skylar Grey - “Glorious”

What can we do to make Skylar Grey more famous? She Ginger Rogers’d for Em on “SNL” -- seriously, she played piano and sung Dido, Beyoncé, and Rihanna hooks (that’s a solid ass trinity!) -- has unarguably awesome songs, and never takes anything off the table. I honestly don’t care if she has another hit... let’s just, like, all Venmo her five bucks or something.

One of my fav music videos on the list so far. Be as skeptical of Macklemore as you want, but when his grandma offers him a drink (haha) then says she wants to “do it all” with their day together, it warms the hearts.

67) Direct Hit! - “Blood On Your Tongue”

Direct Hit! continues to be the best modern version of Green Day, The Ramones*, and themselves.

(* - without being Ramones-core)

66) Boyd & The Stahfools - “Party Penguin”

I’ve been in the game for a long while, but, for the first time in my career, I finally was part of a music video. If you told me it was a 2Pac parody that advertised craft beer, I’d, well, I’d believe you. We got Dave Hernandez on the hook, Mike Healy as Dr. Dre, and yours truly as Makaveli.

And all jokes aside, “On vacation like Bev D’Angelo” is one of my favorite penned lines.

65) Rancid - “Telegraph Avenue”

I like when Tim sings about grabbing his left-handed guitar.

64) Big Sean f/ Jeremih - “Light”

Sean Don made a forgettable 2017 album with many throwaway tracks -- but “Light” ain’t one of ‘em. I liked this song even before the touching video cemented its power.

63) blink 182 - “Parking Lot”

This is that weird mix of what makes all new blink really good and really eh at the same time -- Skiba involved (for better or worse), inspired Mark (for better or worse), and Travis’ overplaying (for better or worse). It’s for sure easier if you just turn your brain off and go with it.

Why does he reference Chicago in the verse then California in the pre-chorus?

I SAID “OFF”.

62) New Found Glory - “Your Jokes Aren’t Funny”

This song doesn’t break a ton of new ground, but it’s got this circular, easy chorus that keeps me coming back.

61) Teenage Bottlerocket - “Goin’ Back To Wyo”

Similar to Red City Radio writing about OKC, I can’t get enough of TB writing about their home. Did I blast this song while driving across the entire state alone this summer? Do you know me an ounce?

60) Frank Turner - “The Sand In The Gears”

A little dissatisfied with the current administration? Frank may be from across the pond, but he’s with you on this one, man. One of my favorite parts of this song is when he breaks the rhyme scheme just to angrily say “I thought that we were winning the war against the homophobes and the racists”.

59) Billy Bragg - “Not Everything That Counts Can Be Counted”

Billy Bragg is here for all of us, with perspective, wisdom, and insightful guidance in tow.

58) Dave Hause - “The Flinch”

Send this one to an old flame if you’re hoping, you know, to maybe rekindle.

57) Selena Gomez f/ Gucci Mane - “Fetish”

That’s right -- “Bad Liar” got beat out by this significantly less popular single featuring one of my least favorite rappers.

/looks up play totals

”Fetish”... 130 million

“Bad Liar”... 214 million

Comparably popular, I say! For me, this one is all about the chorus -- and that beat’ll get you swayin’.

56) Jay Electronica - “Letter To Falon”

‘Cause who gon’ save them babies? / And finally put a definite to all those maybes

Death, taxes, maybe death again, and Jay Electronica never releasing a full length album. Our man has been on Roc Nation for nearly ten years. I hate him so much. /anxiously awaits his next move

Jay Electricity in his zone on this one; so comfortable, in full operation within the confines.

55) Laura Jane Grace - “Adore”

I don’t know who Amy Shark is, but LJG covered her song and punted my heart into Lake Michigan.

54) Russian Girlfriends - “Antidote”

Upbeat, direct song that starts kinda Metric-y with the riff but then gets more pop punk as it progresses.

53) Brian Fallon - “If Your Prayers Don’t Get To Heaven”

My fiancee laughed when I looked up how to play this song on the guitar and the guy who tabbed it out wrote “Typical Brian Fallon open chords” in the intro.

52) Cloud Nothings - “Enter Entirely”

If “Womanarchist” is the ‘best’ song title of the year, “Enter Entirely” is certainly the coolest. And please don’t let the very boring music video fool you -- this song gets after it, man. If you are a fan of rock music, it would blow me away if you found this song remotely objectionable.

(After seeing CN open for Japandroids on back-to-back nights this November, it feels criminal to have such a slow song represent the band, as their drummer is the Russell Westbrook of the indie scene. That dude does not tire and comes off as more machine than man.)

51) Conor Oberst - “Napalm”

Oberst released a 10-song album in 2016 that was super brooding and piano-y... then he released another album in 2017 (17 songs) that had every track from his previous record and seven new ones. Kind of a weird move, no? This is one of those seven; suffice to say it’s a little more upbeat.

50) Sorority Noise - “No Halo”

You could tell me this song came out in 2002, 2007, or both -- but not 2017. How is this not a time capsuled rival of Taking Back Sunday or My Chemical Romance? I don’t know, but if you like a lot of death, this one’s for you.

49) N.E.R.D f/ Rihanna - “Lemon”

Let’s lighten the mood back up with some RiRi rap. My buddy Crooks’ take: “That's how every 2017 hip-hop beat should sound.”

48) Kesha - “Praying”

It’s damn near impossible to talk about this song without talking about The Note. It occurs at 4:21, and it will make you a little faint.

Kesha dusts herself off and gets beyond empowered in this one. This song could legitimately soundtrack the entire #MeToo movement. When the drums kick in halfway through, you’ll be ready to fight back too.

When I’m finished, they won’t even know your name

47) The Smith Street Band - “Laughing (Or Pretending To Laugh)”

This soft, hopeful love song is almost *too* respectful when it comes to interactions with the opposite sex. I’m not sure there’s a more endearing 2017 lyric than “And I don't wanna marry you just yet / But at least let me get you a cider / And I don’t even think I’d have to pay for it / Hopefully there’s a couple left on the rider”.

46) Run The Jewels - “Legend Has It”

Whenever I think of this song, I will always have that image of El-P holding up that gun to the bunny’s head. This song is braggadocious, each line one-upping the previous in perpetuity. Man, they probably rule live.

45) Vic Mensa - “Say I Didn’t”

Vic Mensa's Roc Nation debut (CAN YOU HEAR ME AT ALL, JAY ELECTRONICA?!?!?!?!?!?) was real strong, and this one gives you a good taste of what he’s about. He’s intense but controlled and even gets a little soulful. And depending what sphere you come from, you’ll either be extremely more or extremely less interested after he drops a Weezer reference. If that gives you trepidation, maybe the Nate Dogg namedrop will reel you back in?

44) Kendrick Lamar - “HUMBLE.”

I like Kendrick Lamar and will always recognize his talent, platform, and body of work (there’s a real case to be made that his “Control” verse killed hip-hop, and it’s just been an animated zombie ever since). Having said that...

He doesn’t always make it easy. The all caps song titles, the weird high pitched flow, the massive reliance of “bitch” in his choruses... yet, he’s the same dude who begs for stretch marked butts and body positivity. I don’t know, man. By the time he hits the “I make a play fucking up your whole life” line, I’m nearly all the way back in.

Last complaint: that organ-y keyboard thing could be so much louder. The beat almost feels diet because of that decision.

43) PKEW PKEW PKEW - “Cold Dead Hands”

This song is about how you can’t freeze this band to death, because they’ll party their way out of the situation.

42) Weezer - “Any Friend Of Diane’s”

This song puts me in a trance; they sing the same chorus lyric a million times, and I still almost want more.

41) Taylor Swift - “I Did Something Bad”

If this song isn’t a hit in 2018, then I do not know anything. For as uneven and questionable as her new singles were, this song has none of that. By the time she’s rolling on the tremendously magnetic “over and over and over again” part, you’ll feel like it’s 2009.

Maybe the old Taylor is still alive after all.

40) Best Ex - “Someday”

What’s that, you want your pop with a lot less baggage? This song is currently at 1,042 views, which is further proof of no justice in this world. I remember grocery shopping with this in the headphones, and you woulda thought it was the happiest moment of my life by the expression on my smiling, dumb face.

39) White Reaper - “Judy French”

“There are no good new rock bands wahhhhh”

Nah -- you just suck at finding music when it’s never been easier in human history, I guess?

38) Anti-Flag - “The Criminals”

This band has always lived in this dramatic life-and-death world, and it’s been going on for so long, that it’s like their vision of what they were always rebelling against was willed into existence.

37) French Montana f/ The Weeknd & Max B - “A Lie”

My dislike of French Montana is so high that I sometimes think about having to answer for saying something heinous about him. Kinda like when Kevin Garnett was accused of calling Charlie Villanueva (who has alopecia) a “cancer patient.”

KG’s all-time response:

“I am aware there was a major miscommunication regarding something I said on the court last night. My comment to Charlie Villanueva was in fact ‘You are cancerous to your team and our league,’" Garnett said in a statement to the media on Wednesday.

Hahahaha.

French, you are a cancer to hip-hop and our league. His verse even references stupid Karl Malone, because why wouldn’t it? The good news is we have The Weeknd on the hook *and* in the first verse, so you can basically just pretend it’s his solo song with a few regrettable cameos.

36) The Penske File - “Oh Brother”

The Penske File make it look effortless sometimes. After hearing this song and doing a Malört shot with their singer, I have higher hopes than ever for their 2018 full length.

35) The Front Bottoms - “Don’t Fill Up On Chips”

TFB’s new album didn’t give me everything I wanted in terms of uptempo bangers, but the lyrics, sentiment, and craftsmanship are all still very much present.

34) Vince Staples - “Big Fish”

The Juicy J chorus might not win a Pulitzer (”I was up late night ballin’ / Countin’ up hundreds by the thousand”), but Vince is rapping invincible, and by the time the lyrics call back his monster single (“Norf Norf”), you won’t be questioning anything anymore.

33) Julien Baker - “Shadowboxing” (link is to live version)

I know that you don't understand 'Cause you don't believe what you don't see When you watch me throwing punches at the devil It just looks like I'm fighting with me

I swear, Julien Baker might be one of the only people on this planet with the power to shut us all up and listen.

32) Paramore - “Fake Happy”

Paramore is a band that does dumb shit all the time. Infighting, legal drama, horrible makeover after horrible makeover. Seriously, this is real:

But through it all, there’s that unbreakable Hayley voice, and it’s like everything is gonna be OK again. I mean, no, it’s not -- but let’s still enjoy these fleeting moments, full blown pop transition or not.

31) Nothington - “Cobblestones”

This song briefly sounds like Lucero before turning into no nonsense despair punk.

30) Lorde - “Perfect Places”

Such a phenomenal album closer; great to have her back in the pop music fold. Car, headphones, party, whatever -- this song goes all around you.

29) Remember Sports - “I Liked You Best”

If Kesha’s high note in “Praying” was pop music’s peak vocal moment in 2017, I’d like to nominate the “You made this me-heh-heh-heh-heh-heh-hess” (2:37) part as punk’s.

28) Phoenix - “J-Boy”

This band makes such gorgeous music.

27) Drake - “Free Smoke” (no link)

Drake’s full album output, in minutes, for the last four years:

2013: 59 minutes 2014: N/A 2015: 108 minutes 2016: 81 minutes

And this doesn’t include stray singles, diss tracks, or cameos (2014 had “0 To 100″, for example). What I’m saying is, despite high quality material, Aubrey has saturated us with music for nearly half a decade. So even though I dig him lots, it was like “Really?!” when I heard he was releasing 2017′s “More Life” and “WHAT” when I found out it was another 81 minutes (the same length as 2016′s “Views”). Though the record is stylistically very different -- I keep hearing people use the word “grime”, though I have no idea what it means -- it’s still got bars. My favorite stray lines (they add up):

- “More life, more everything” - “I dunk text J-Lo / Old number, so it bounce back” - “Hilton rooms, gotta double up / Writin’ our name on a double cup” - “I fall asleep in sororities / I had some different priorities” - “Women I like was ignorin’ me / Now they like ‘Aren’t you adorable?’ / I know the question rhetorical” - “I make too much these days to ever say ‘Poor me’” - “I wanna move to Dubai / So I don’t never have to kick it with none of you guys”

But, it wouldn’t be Drake without making fun of him some. The song beings with, well, him sampling himself at an award show. The sample: 

And more chune for your headtop So watch how you speak on my name, you know?

Which begs the question: did he do the weird Jamaican accent knowing he was gonna sample it? It treads this weird genius/calculated doofus line. All I know is it makes me laugh.

26) Tigers Jaw - “Favorite” 

This song could make me pensive and unhappy on the sunniest of days.

25) Tee Grizzley - “First Day Out”

Like many, I first heard of Tee Grizzley from a LeBron James Instagram workout video. It was an easy sell: Detroit, ferocious beat, and the dude goes *hard*. I got a little too excited and emailed my hip-hop friends: “What the fuck is this? This is GOOD.”

This was before I realized he kinda sounds the same in every song. It’s no matter -- we’ll always have “First Day Out”, a brief time in June 2017 where I thought Tee Grizzley could be the next to run the game.

I can’t even be in public with my hoodie on

24) The War On Drugs - “Strangest Thing”

It’s very difficult to write about The War On Drugs without mentioning how transcendent it is to listen to them in the car. Everyone is right about that, but, for me, I also have to mention how much this dude sounds like Dylan. People say Springsteen, but I hear so much Bob. You don’t necessarily have to get “past” it, but you do kinda have to get used to it. Once you do, the lead guitar will carry you into the clouds. This music will make you contemplate and reflect.

23) Foxing - “Night Channels”

Let’s keep the mood contemplative; you almost feel sleepless if not completely locked in to this one.

UPDATE: This dropped in 2015, /sigh

22) Craig Finn - “God In Chicago”

This is more of a movie than a song -- and the visuals agree. Focus in on the lyrics, take in the story, and then do it again soon because you’ll catch new wrinkles each time. One of the year’s best videos, for sure. Punk News phrases it well: “Here he’s made a solo album of losers who have no idea they’ve already lost.”

21) DJ Khaled f/ Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance The Rapper, Lil Wayne - “I’m The One”

No one wanted you to know he had sex in 2017 more than DJ Khaled. He made his infant son Asahd the “Executive Producer” for this video. Why? Because he’s an idiot. Khaled’s still existing fame continues to confound. He’s more faux-platitudes than man at his point. So why do the best artists in the world collaborate with someone so seemingly unintelligent? I don’t know, but this song bangs and was probably my Song of the Summer. We got JB on the hook, a dumb-but-amusing Quavo*, Wayne trying to gain footing, and Chance running across the finish line backward with Best Verse title belt. But Khaled won’t let you forget about him, blaring DJ tag and all. This song suffers for that, and it’s all his fault. 

(* - his ad lib of just repeating everything becomes charming once you start to get Stockholm Syndrome with the song)

20) Ed Sheeran - “The Shape Of You”

What a 2017 for the man behind the year’s best (super successful) pop song.  At the turn of the calendar, I barely knew who he was, but before we all knew it, there was a legitimate public outcry because he was on “Game of Thrones” for, like, two minutes. What a time. Oh, also, the “Come on, be my baby...” bridge gave me some “Real World: New Orleans” acid flashbacks.

Great meme, take us out.

19) Minus The Bear - “Last Kiss”

If the shattered neon heart didn’t give it away, this is a “the relationship is definitively over” breakup song. Seeing them play it at Riot Fest made me miss my late friend Luke; I wish he could have heard this.

18) Hot Water Music - “Never Going Back”

I’ve always maintained Chuck Ragan plays guitar and sings songs like a running back. Well, this song carpe diem’s me enough to play actual running back*.

(* - jk, would never do this unless it was against very small children)

17) Lucky Boys Confusion - “Good Luck”

My hometown heroes released their comeback album in 2017, and I’m not sure any track sums up the effort better. By the time Adam sings “Burned out, they call us / Screw ‘em, we got endless memories / Punk rock and the polish / I hope it gave you something to believe”, there are no dry eyes left.

(And yes, this could totally be an AM Taxi song, but with Ryan Fergus’ killer-fills-only drumming, I’m glad it wasn’t.)

16) Hodera - “Baltimore”

This song would likely have a Top 5 objective approval rating of any on the list.

...“The Wire” forever.

15) Iron Chic - “A Headache With Pictures”

It ain’t heavy, it ain’t heaven

If Hot Water Music is carpe diem, what is Iron Chic -- seize the life?! My favorite description of the band came from Sam Sutherland, who tweeted: “Whose day has already been derailed by the unavoidably weighty introspection of listening to the new Iron Chic record.”

They are a certified run-through-brick-walls outfit. One of my final 2017 memories of this song was subtweeting “Now I know” the night I got engaged and having my buddy Ricky think she might’ve declined the proposal. May have to include a ring emoji next time.

14) The Flatliners - “Indoors”

Had to listen to this, like, five or six times before its brilliant greatness overtook me like falling into a river. The chorus is so, so heartfelt.

Don’t sleep on the video, either (especially the end).

13) Sylvan Esso - “Die Young”

Though I have tickets to see them for the first time in 2018, I am not mega-versed in the catalogue of Sylvan Esso. But this feels like their best song. Imagine if Romeo and Juliet turned out OK.

12) Oso Oso - “Shoes (The Sneaker Song)”

Jade from Oso Oso would likely want all of the above stylized in lowercase -- but this ain’t Jade’s list. This was my favorite new band of 2017, and I do believe they made the year’s best album. It’s early-2000s emo at times, pop punk at others, and all ear candy.

11) Sincere Engineer - “Corn Dog Sonnet No. 7″

Staying in the new artist lane, I proudly introduce Sincere Engineer. This band sounds like if Modern Baseball had a little sister. By the time singer Deanna Belos sings “I’m still learning how to be”, you want to pat her on the back and give her all your best advice.

Fantastic music video -- and she confirmed to me this past weekend that it’s real mustard, not puffy paint (“I have a towel that is all yellow from cleaning it up”).

10) new.wav - “Girls”

Alright, so stick with me on this: new.wav is the band, covering The 1975′s song “Girls” in the style of “Enema of the State”-era blink-182. Confused? Yeah, I was too, but check it out. Maybe more impressive than the arrangements/performance is how they were able to match blink’s production style -- no easy task.

9) Jay-Z - “Family Feud” (starts around 5:30; partial version)

Shawn Corey Carter wants to get right with everyone -- America, his peers, and, of course, within his own home. And though I may never understand the “New n****s is the reason I stopped drinkin’ Dos Equis” lyric, I’m on board with about all else. Similar to the Oso Oso record, “4:44″ is such an album that it feels unfair to single out a song to represent all of its parts. Stripped from the LP, the song does not hit as hard, but in the groove of the record, it’s the apex. And despite Hov seemingly desiring peace, the song does have more than a few call outs:

- “My stash can’t fit into Steve Harvey’s suit” - “And old n****s, y’all stop actin’ brand new / Like 2Pac ain’t have a nose ring too” - “Al Sharpton in the mirror takin’ selfies / How is him or Pill Cosby s’posed to help me?”

In the latter stages of his career, it’s hard to call everything Jay does ‘necessary’, but “4:44″ definitely checked that box.

8) Rozwell Kid - “Wendy’s Trash Can”

Vacillated all year between this one and “Michael Keaton” and literally flipped a penny my cousin Maggie loaned me to decide. “Wendy’s Trash Can” was heads.

7) The Weeknd - “Reminder”

This one got backdoored in as a latter single from The Weeknd’s 2016 album. One of my favorite parts about Abel is how little he has had to change to succeed. Sure, it’s silky smooth, but he hasn’t sacrificed the drugs, darkness, or ego that should offend (but doesn’t because it he pulls it off so well). After bragging early in the song about he won a kids award for singing about cocaine, he calls out peers for biting his sound, blings out his entire crew, and, well:

When I travel 'round the globe, make a couple mil' a show And I come back to my city, I fuck every girl I know

/clutches pearls

6) The Bombpops - “Be Sweet”

The guitar riff in this song is why I fell in love with punk music. Also, super cool story behind the lyrics:

“'Be Sweet' is an homage to our dear friend, the late Brandon Carlisle of the band Teenage Bottlerocket," vocalist Jen Razavi told AP. "Back in 2010, we were partying in a hotel room with Brandon and Ray Carlisle. There was a guitar in the room and Brandon was showing us an idea he had for a song. He had written it for his wife, but he told us we should play it and change the lyrics to 'getting rad with my boyfriend.' He wrote down all the lyrics on four sheets of hotel notepad paper. Since then, the melody and the chord progression were forgotten, but I still had the lyrics. So we wrote our own version of the song in the studio and used every single lyric that Brandon had written down.

Did I mention the video has an “In Bloom” feel? Stop reading, go listen.

5) Action Bronson - “Let Me Breathe”

Action Bronson ain’t givin’ nothin’ up. This is my pick for rap song of the year. It’s got TV brags (”I got two shows, I’m about to pitch another”), a tight chorus (”Let me breathe for a minute / White Range Rover blowin’ trees all in it”), and whimsy shit too (“Honey bouncin’ up and down, she nearly broke my dick”). Ghostface’s disciple is having more fun than just about anyone.

4) Japandroids - “North East South West”

Only a Canadian band could get me to care this much about my own country. The Vancouver duo penned an Americana ode to the road -- but there’s a twist... they talk about their cities too. For every New Orleans, there’s a Toronto. For every California, a Vancouver.

Maybe they’ll be the ones to end all the border wars.

3) Alex Lahey - “Every Day’s The Weekend”

This is the only submission on the list I’d feel comfortable calling a perfect song. Relatable themes, a chorus that’ll tangle you up, f-bombs in all the right places, and every part maximized. She has this way of weaving between cool confidence and youthful insecurity, all in the matter of one verse.

2) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Cut To The Feeling”

When it comes to “Call Me Maybe” and its legacy, I do not fuck around. This song gets really, really, really close. Just watch this dude.

Queen Carly blessed us with another one. The chorus soars, arms go up, and clouds are your closest companions.

1) The Menzingers - “After The Party”

It's the little things my mind commits / To etch behind my eyelids

When this song dropped, my buddy Dave Rokos called it his favorite Menzos song ever. That felt like high praise, but man, he might be dead on. “After The Party” rips me in half with its lyrics of palpable desperation:

Like a kaleidoscope in vibrant hues I navigate around your tattoos Said you got that one on a whim when you were breaking up with him And that Matryoshka Russian doll That lines your shelf from big to small What a way to start anew To shed your skin and find the old you 

If Carly’s chorus flies, this one holds us down like gravity. You feel everything, you feel nothing, you feel full yet voided, but after all of this -- the life, the party, the friends, the bars, the experiences, the nights, the lights, the fights, the city you live in -- it’s still her and you. Or him and you. Or whatever it is you come home to at the end, when it’s finally quiet.

#the menzingers #carly rae jepsen #2017 #music #alex lahey #japandroids #action bronson #the bombpops #the weeknd #rozwaell kid #oso oso #sincere engineer #punk rock #ironia #lucky boys confusion #foxing #the war on drugs #tee grizzley #tigers jaw #lorde #julien baker #vince staples #the penske file #black and white #best e liquid #pkew pkew pkew #kendrick lamar #run the jewels #sorority noise #brian fallon

[nickireadstfc]

The Raven King, Chapter 14 – A Few Cheerful ‘Hell Yeah‘s, Followed By A Swift ’Hell Fucking Nope’

In which I am too invested in Orange Cheerleading, Neil is an Oblivious Gay™, the Foxy Team Spirit gains bonus XP, we meet the awesomeness that is Fearless Neil Josten and everything goes so pleasantly well that I really should have seen the bone-chilling fuckery at the end coming.

Sounds good? Then it’s time for Nicki to read The Raven King.

I am prefacing this by saying that this is probably my second favourite chapter of this book so far. It may even be on a par with my previous favourite chapter, the Neil Sassing Riko To Hell And Back At The Fall Banquet chapter.

There is GOOD SHIT HAPPENING!! Finally!! And when the bad shit happens it’s still SASSY!! And AWESOME!! And then it’s fucking terrifying but like – what else is new.

I really, really liked this one. And I feel like I’m going to need that bit of love for the next two chapters, which are promising to be 50 Shades of Fucked Up.

Let’s go.

           “When Andrew finds out you’ve stolen his car,” Matt started, but left the rest of the threat unspoken.

           “Andrew knows,” Neil said. “He left me his key.”

           Matt stared at him, startled. He opened his mouth, then closed it again.

Homeboy can’t believe it I am HOLLERING.

The Foxes slowly realizing that Neil is starting to get through Andrew’s shell is such, such a delight.

Neil being entirely oblivious about it is an even greater one.

Also, Matt is going to start teaching Neil how to fight! Yay for self-defense! <3

Now that Katelyn is kind of not a secret anymore, she starts hanging around with the Foxes, apparently. Will I start liking this character, finally?

           Katelyn seemed nervous at first, but she warmed up quickly and chatted almost nonstop through dinner. She was so enthusiastic about apparently everything in the world it was a little exhausting listening to her, but Aaron looked so alive in her presence Neil couldn’t hold it against her.

FUCK YES I WILL.

This is such a small detail, but I actually had to put the book down at that part and just silently contemplate life for a bit because honestly – few sentences have described me as well as “She was so enthusiastic about apparently everything in the world it was a little exhausting listening to her.”

I feel this so much, you have no idea.

Of course, that means I have adopted this character now, she’s in my heart and there are no take-backs. <3

Being newly invested in Katelyn also means being newly invested in Orange Cheerleading, and this is the point where all the info I have soaked up via my cheer-loving best friends really comes in handy.

This is a very good visual for what the Vixens would look like at a Fox game – the squad in the video is Clemson University which is TFC is based on!

And this is Clemson’s cheer championship routine from last year, which is infinitely more awesome than a game routine because it’s made for their own championship, not for someone else’s game, and it really shows off what a team can do.

Keep in mind though that this team is co-ed (meaning both men and women), and as far as we know the Vixens are an all-girl team, which means they’d have considerably less partner stunts (one person on one person) and more group stunts (one person on four, three or two people).

Also, this is their uniform and now one can tell me otherwise.

Brb making an orange bow to wear to our next cheer event.

Info dump done! Let’s move on!

           “We should celebrate,” [Dan said.] (…)

           Aaron looked at [her] as if she’d grown three heads. “We don’t socialize with you.”

           “You do tonight,” Matt said. “Tell Katelyn to come. (…) The Vixens can come too.”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH, BONUS XP FOR THE FOXY TEAM SPIRIT.

I am so for all of them having fun party times together that a) don’t involve going to Eden’s Twilight and b) involve all of them.

Also, I am so, so for the Foxes and the Vixens finally being friends.

Seriously, there are few things as shitty as ignoring the people who cheer on you every night no matter how bad you are, and I can’t believe we’ve never addressed this until now.

BE NICE TO YOUR CHEERLEADERS, FUCKERS.

           “Thanks for taking one for the team, Neil,” [Nicky said.] “You’re a real friend.” (…)

           “Are we?”, he asked. (…) Tonight it almost meant something, though what, Neil didn’t know. “Friends?”

Oh my goooooooooooood literally HOW.

“It almost meant something” I am going to punch this idiot so hard his angst will finally come shooting out of his oblivious ass.

           “You’re going to be the absolute death of me,” Nicky said. “Yeah, kid. We’re friends. You’re stuck with us, like it or not.”

Nicky, my man, my sunshine, thank you for finally saying this to Sir Angstlord McDramatic, also I’m crying a lil.

I was already so happy about that scene, I thought we were done with our quota of good things for this chapter, but no – Thanksgiving happens somewhere along the way, and it’s not The Thanksgiving That Shall Not Be Named, but Happy And Sappy Abby Thanskgiving, where the food and the feels are plentiful.

           “It’s not really about the food. It’s about family. Not necessarily the one we were born with, but the one we chose. This one,” Nicky emphasized, gesturing between them. “The people we trust to be part of our lives. The people we care about.”

           “I’m trying to eat here,” Wymack said.

Wymack <3

Also, NICKY <333333333333

Brb, crying a lot.

Kevin later offers to not drink wine after dinner so Neil can have some, which neil declines, but which still makes me grin like a sappy motherfucker because Kevin offered to do something nice for Neil.

I feel like I’m in a happy fanservice episode of an anime. Is this real, am I witnessing this shit with my own two eyes?

           Somehow [the Foxes] all ended up at the dining hall at the same time. (…) On Tuesday Katelyn tagged along, and on Wednesday they went downtown together as a large group: all eight remaining Foxes and four of the Vixens.

👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

At the restaurant, this girl Marissa starts hounding Neil, and absolute hilarity ensues as Neil tries to not talk to her or at least talk to her about Exy, and she wants to talk about everything but Exy.

Absolute lack of chemistry nonwithstanding, she still chats him up after dinner:

           “I can give you my number,” Marissa said.

           Neil didn’t remember asking for it at any point that night. “What for?”

How is this boy real. HOW.

           “I would like to get to know you better. I think we could have a lot of fun together, just the two of us. You’re very interesting, Neil.”

           She wasn’t the first to say that, but Neil wondered if Andrew’s opinion of him would change when he was off his medication.

OH MY GOD.

I AM HOWLING.

Neil: gets blatantly obviously hit on by pretty girl Neil:…………………….. Neil: hmm I wonder what Andrew would think about this

Honestly………………. This is the most I C O N I C Andreil scene to this point, and 50% of Andreil aren’t even present.

           “There’s a way to let girls down gently, you know.” (…)

           “Do girls need kid-glove treatment? I thought they were tougher than that.”

           Dan’s grin was approving. “Most of us are. Some of us are like boys, though, and have delicate egos.”

Shoutout to Dan for coming around to remind me how much of a flawless sass queen she is whenever I dare to forget it.

Also: Renee is going to be Neil’s platonic winter banquet date! Dan and Matt are getting each other cute shit for Christmas! Matt invited Neil and the cousins to his home over Christmas!

I am currently bathing in a golden pool of my own happy tears, please leave me here for all eternity and supply food occasionally.

However, if anyone thought it would all stay happy and banter-y now they must have been reading  than me, because Nora is waiting right around the corner to snatch me the fuck out of my happy pool:

It’s time for another Fancy Orange Sportsball Banquet, including our friends from Tall, Dark and Dramatic University.

Thankfully, our boy Neil has one thing in common with fandom by now, and that is being ready to protect Kevin at all costs.

           “Neil” might be an easily-spooked runaway, and “Nathaniel” was a hunted young man, but “Abram” was the one shielded from and untouched by his father’s bloody business. Neil would pull on every murder he’d ever seen and every endless, desperate night, and he’d face Riko unflinching.

This is yet another wonderful, wonderful development in Neil where I cannot begin to tell you how much I like it. But more on that in a minute.

First, another point on the list of Things That Absolutely No One Saw Coming, and By No One I Mean Everyone.

           “The following four teams have qualified to represent the southeastern district in spring championship games. I will list them in order of ranking, first to fourth. Edgar Allan, Palmetto State, Breckenridge, Belmonte.”

Aka the only teams we have seen the Foxes play against so far. What a surprise.

Also, I did mention that Neil and Renee are going as platonic dates, right?

Did I also mention how much I love Renee for going on platonic dates with people?? Bc same?? Also I love her??

           “Sorry,” Neil said.

           Renee sent him a curious look. “Why?”

           “I’m no trying to ignore you.”

           “It’s all right if you do,” Renee said. “Kevin needs you more than I do.”

I love you :( <333

Also, hate to say this, but homegirl is right.

           “Your lack of survival instincts is supremely distressing,” Riko said. “Take that look off your face before I carve it off.”

That Fucker™ is back, everyone, and as always ready to supply us all with shitty input exactly no one asked for.

           Neil hadn’t realized he was smiling, too, a cruel look he’d inherited from his father. Neil lowered his cup so Riko could get a better look at it. “I would love to see you try. You think I’m afraid of your knife? I’m the Butcher’s son.”

HELL FUCKIN YEAH.

After having met Angsty Dramatic Runaway Neil Josten, Sassy Lil Shit Neil Josten, and recently Responsibly Neil Josten, may I now introduce you to my newest favourite Neil Josten:

Fearless Neil Josten.

           “I am the family your father was afraid of.” (…)

           “Not of you,” Neil said, with fierce emphasis. “You’re not part of that family, remember? You’re the cast-off.”

Oh yeah, also Fearless Neil Josten is Sassy Lil Shit Neil Josten’s meaner twin brother.

GET FUCKED, RIKO.

           He hoped it would hit, but he didn’t realize how deep it would cut. He’d never seen that look on Riko’s face but he knew he’d signed his death warrant.

Oops.

           “A dog who bites his master’s hand deserves to be slaughtered.” (…)

           “I am not a dog. I’m a Fox.”

           “You are nothing but what I tell you to be.”

           “We talked about your delusions.”

Neil, as much as I am enjoying your witty comebacks At All Times, I sagely advise you to shut the fuck up right about now.

           “Let go of me, King.”

           “I am King,” Riko agreed, “and you are going to spend Christmas at my castle. You’re coming to Evermore for winter break.”

I would have loved to dish out a few amused comments here in the style of lol, dream on Mr Fuckface Dramatic – however thanks to y’all I have been told time and time again that there was absolute shit going down on Christmas.

Which means that now I am not amused. I am incredibly scared.

           “Drake was an interesting man, wasn’t he? I should thank the police for leading me straight to him. I might not have discovered him otherwise. Did you know, Nathaniel? Oakland lawyers are some of the cheapest to buy off.”

He set Andrew up. He set. Andrew. Up.

That FUCKER. I knew there was going to be a reason why Drake was there at that point exactly.

THAT FUCKER.

           “Did you know I’ve bought one of the doctors at Eastaven, too? Unless you want these little therapy sessions of his to turn into therapeutic reenactments, you will be on a  plane to West Virginia tomorrow morning.”

THAT FUCKING FUCKER.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

I will personally punch him in his shit-eating face – no, wait.

           Neil didn’t have words, so he answered with his fist. He didn’t have a lot of room to swing but he made do and caught Riko right in his vulgar mouth.

NEIL will punch him in his shit-eating face.                    

I have been waiting for this since we first bloody met That Fucker™. I am living.

A short brawl ensues, which Neil would have totally won imo if the Coaches wouldn’t have separated them.

As it is, though, the Raven Posse is out of sight, though definitely not out of mind.

          “What happened?”

          “Neil hit Riko,” Matt said. “It was beautiful.”

          “What?” Nicky squawked. “Not fair! I missed it! Go do it again.”

I am actually laughing so hard. Nicky, you are the best.

Neil explains the situation to the team – how Riko used the promise of getting Drake’s charges dismissed as bait for him to come see Andrew one more time – and then continues being unexpectedly and brilliantly badass.

          “I’m going to kill him,” Nicky said.

          “No,” Neil said, with a ferocity that had even Matt eyeing him warily. “We’ve got to break him first. If Exy is the only thing he cares about we’re going to take it away from him. First we destroy his reputation, then we destroy him.”

Have I mentioned how Fearless Neil Josten is my fucking FAVE.

          “I don’t want us to lose a single game this spring. Can we do that?”

          “Not a single damn game,” Dan said in a hard voice.

Hell yeah.

          “I don’t have a choice. I have to go. You have to trust me.”

          “He will break you.”

          “He wishes he knew how,” Neil said. “Trust me. I promise I’ll come back, and when I do I’ll bring Andrew back with me. It’s going to be fine. So do you have my ticket or not?”

Hell fucking nope.

Is this happening?

This is the fuck happening.

Oh dear.

If you like this and you wanna help me continue writing, please consider buying me a coffee! Thank you so much <3

#nicki reads tfc #trk #tfc #aftg #the raven king #the foxhole court #all for the game #nora sakavic #only two more chapters to go!!!! #im scared #and I know I'm not ready trust me I KNOW y'all keep fucking TELLING ME

[lostinafictionaluniverse]

Riverdale 1x09 thoughts

Under the cut bcos its super long, read at your own risk

Jughead’s opening narrative

Blossoms have controlled the maple syrup business since the town’s founding? No mention of the Cooper’s/ Hal grandpa

AAAnnnd we don’t hear Jason speak yet again.  

The sickly, sweet smell was inescapable - allusion to the Blossom’s influence on the town, how all-pervading their power is? And how they leave their mark on everything? That last comment by Cheryl after she kisses Archie - about her lipstick being Maple Red and the sweet taste being because of it? Was it really necessary? Is it some sort of clue? I love how Maple Syrup stands for so many things in this town - For the Blossoms, its obviously power and legacy; and its also the symbol for slut shaming so does that link slut shaming to the Blossom clan somehow? Its sweet, its sticky, its red - hmmm, blood is sticky and red too....

Bughead scene in Betty’s room  

THEY’RE SITTING ON HER BED LITERALLY ON TOP OF EACH OTHER (*DYING WHALE NOISE*)

SHE IMMEDIATELY AIRS HER CONCERNS TO HIM

HE’S HER ROCK, HE’S THERE TO LISTEN AND HELP HER AND ASSUAGE HER FEARS AND BUILD HER UP AND SHE KNOWS THIS!

WE’LL FIGURE IT OUT - BETTY IS NOT ALONE ANYMORE, JUGHEAD IS WITH HER IN ALL OF THIS SHIT SHE’S GOING THROUGH

COME HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (BRB - BUSY DYING)

HER SMILE AND LEANING TOWARDS HIM, HIS HAND SLIDING DOWN HER THIGH, HER HAND GOING UP TO HIS FACE, HIS SMILE, THE KISS

ALICE COOPER, I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!

THE STARTLED JUMP, HURRIEDLY BREAKING APART, THE LOOK OF IRRITATION ON BETTY’S FACE!

Alice shows no surprise at Juggie being there, means she knows, or she let him in. So Bughead already has the stamp of approval from Mama Cooper! It could be that Alice saw how their extreme disapproval had affected Polly (and Jason) and hence she decided not to do the same to Betty? Or maybe she genuinely likes Juggie like Madchen has said? 

Her deciding to go after the Blossoms reeks of anger about her own failure to get her daughter back. She talks about the Cooper-Blossoms feud, but its really something else, something we will know only in ep 12. What the Blossoms really did to the Coopers. Why would Alice hate the Blossoms so much for what they did to her husband’s grandpa? This is personal (Hal says as much)

“According to your milquetoast father”- what’s with Alice calling Hal all these coward names? What did Hal do or didn’t do that was so cowardly? She brought this up earlier - when Betty questioned Hal if he had killed Jason - she said he wouldn’t have the stomach for it. 

Seriously did Alice hate Jason so much just because he knocked up her daughter? She was hoping he’d rot in hell when they found his body, she was positively gloating when the coroner told her about scavenger activity and him being tortured, she thinks killing him would be a brave thing to do. This much hatred for a boy who got her daughter pregnant? Alice can be dramatic I know, but this is a bit too much, even for her.

Ronnie and Hermione

I’m glad Hermione told Ronnie exactly what was happening with Fred and how Hiram had gotten to know about them

Seriously the kids in this show seem so much more mature than the adults, Ronnie tells her mom to come clean - this is a small town, tell him before he gets to know from anyone else.

Cheryl and Archie

What’s with all this sudden interest in Archie, Cheryl? Has she always been interested? Remember Betty warning Ronnie in the pilot not to talk about Archie when Cheryl approaches them? Do they have a history? I don’t want Kevin or Reggie, I want you. She makes it seem as though it was all about him defending her to Sheriff Keller, but idk.

Ethel and Ronnie

Ronnie recognized Ethel’s poem for what it was - a cry for help. Then her confession to Kevin about what she and her BFF at Spence did to a girl called Paige (and the girl had to have therapy and transfer schools). Clearly she feels guilty as hell. Ronnie is trying to change and that’s what’s the best thing about her. She hardly ever backslides on her mission, in fact the only glimpses we see of the old Ronnie is possibly the regret laced in her voice when she talks about what they lost. 

I love that she immediately talked to Ethel and offered compassion and kindness. Ronnie is such friendship goals - really! 

Archie and Penelope Blossom

That far angle camera shot with both of them standing made me think they were gonna kiss! Archie - you truly are a ginger stallion offering rides to anyone who cares to get on!

Penelope brought up that jersey thing again - not only brought it up - they actually showed us that moment from the funeral when Archie offered her Jason’s jersey which makes me think this is important somehow. The fact that Penelope commented on his resemblance to Jason yet again - ‘i swear when the light hits you just right” - makes me wonder if that theory about him being the victim might not be true? Or the resemblance may not be concerned with the murder itself but to some other secrets that maybe revealed as to the truth of these kids’ real parentage? If Cheryl and Jason are not really Blossoms, then the whole legacy plot-line fails. Jason is not the heir, neither is Cheryl. 

Why does everyone need to reiterate the fact that Archie is good and decent unlike everyone else in this town??? Show us, don’t tell us. We had Cheryl, Mr and Mrs Blossom all talk about his great character and his goodness. Why are they rubbing in that fact? Is it not obvious? Or is it foreshadowing that he really is not good and decent and is going to do something dastardly? Or is it that in the Blossom’s book, good and decent people can be bought and /or used to their advantage? Like maybe they used some other good and decent people? Eg; Mary Andrews. What if Penelope was barren and couldn’t have children and since it was so important for the Blossoms to have a heir, Clifford had Jason and Cheryl with Mary (they need not have slept together, IVF and surrogacy were viable options) or someone else entirely? Maybe Fred needed money to set up the business and Mary was paid handsomely for it. And Fred wasn’t entirely on board with it, hence the tension between him and Mary and also the reason why they separated years later? Could this be the secret Fred is keeping? It was said that Cheryl and Jason’s twincest would be explored in this episode, but not quite in the way we expect. Was it an allusion to Cheryl kissing Archie? I know this theory has a hole because why would Clifford and Penelope actively encourage Archie to hang out with Cheryl? But I’m excited at the possibility that there maybe a link somewhere - Archie resembling Jason cannot just be a coincidence. The theory that Archie may not really be Fred’s son but Mary and Clifford’s has already been talked about. This could also be a reason for Fred and Mary to split if he found out years later. And maybe Cliff didn’t know, Mary never told him cause she was already married to Fred or something? But they’re drawn to Archie because he reminds them of Jason. Else its hard to understand the Blossom’s fixation with him! Archie’s loyalty to his dad keeps coming up too, he was willing to give up his musical career if Cliff would help his dad’’s business. It would be poetic if Fred wasn’t really his dad, yet they have this inextricable bond.

Archie was very believably seduced by the promise of a great musical future at the Bradenburg school and who wouldn’t be?

The kids in the common room

Jughead being the first to deduce that Mrs Blossom offering something to Archie cannot be without any strings attached - he’s so razor sharp, this boy!

Okay with you being a gigolo?

Ronnie is wise - she knows its hard to get by without connections but also that these connections come with a price-tag.

She looks to Betty for support, but Betty thinks its a great idea. Throwback to Archie asking Ronnie for support when Betty was attacking him about the Grundy thing, and Ronnie sides with Betty! Methinks Betty wasn’t thinking about Archie here, she wanted someone to get info on her sister for her, which is okay!

Maple syrup tapping scene

That scroll thing was ludicrous!

Cheryl was so nervous about the tree tapping thing, Archie’s encouragement got her going. Cheryl demeanor is a facade, she’s lost and lonely and also bitter and jealous. She wanted her parents’ attention, but Jason got it, he became the Golden boy. So she resorted to wild erratic behavior to get her parents’ attention. Inside, she’s just messed up, she craves approval and attention. Like all attention hungry kids she will do whatever it takes to ensure that all eyes are on her. She loves flattery and is immediately susceptible to anyone who even shows her a modicum of kindness, which shows she hasn’t had much growing up. Her parents are horrible to her, her brother was good to her, but he died. I wonder if her yearning for her parents’ approval made her hate Jason to deep down? Or at least resent him for being the favorite? Did she inwardly rejoice when he decided to run away, knowing that now her parents would now rely on her with Jason gone? Maybe they’d even cut him off from their legacy and she could be the heir? I did support the Cheryl killed Jason theory because of this notion. She does have a motive. If it were to come out that she actually really hated Jason and was jealous of him, she would have a very good reason to do away with him. It could also be that she loved him just like she says she does, and still thinks Polly killed her brother. That’s why she reddened Polly’s face and why she was the one to ask her to come stay with them in Thornhill. 

Polly thinks the Blossoms killed Jason, Cheryl thinks Polly did and the Blossoms just want their heirs aka Jason’s children that Polly’s carrying. Ugh! What a mess!

Archie standing up for Cheryl was sweet  and very Archie-like but it was a tad overdone - “Don’t underestimate Cheryl”? Don’t bet against her”? I think its foreshadowing about how crazed, dangerous and vindictive Cheryl really can be if you get on her wrong side which Archie managed to do by the end of the episode! Also her prompting him about her 4.0 GPA was so Cheryl!!! 

Archie gets sucked into escorting Cheryl to a banquet. And he’s going to have a suit tailor-fitted for the occasion! Poor sod!

So Ethel’s grandpa and dad are both called Manfred?

Hermione and Fred

Hermione finally came clean to Fred and told him about the land and the Lodges being the anonymous buyers. Fred was understandably pissed. Hermione is a smart cookie, maybe her business acumen is actually better than her husband’s and she’s the one calling all the shots while pretending to be this helpless, hapless woman. Didn’t Penelope say at the end that they should’ve sent Hermione to jail instead of Hiram?

So Clifford told Hiram that Hermione and Fred were together? Why? Just to gloat? Or to get him to sabotage his own building which is precisely what he did. So he knows exactly how Hiram would react. I’m curious about Hiram. If he was this cold-blooded businessman that everyone says he is, he wouldn’t react so impractically to his wife seeing Fred. He wouldn’t sabotage himself just for getting back at his wife’s lover, he could’ve thought up of other ways to deal with Fred. So Hiram loves Hermione, but does Hermione love Hiram? Was she just playing a game with Fred so he would get on board SoDale? But Fred was interested in SoDale anyway, She could’ve got him on board even without playing cootchie-coo with him. So did she really care? 

Fred toughened up and asked for a 20% stake and also ended things with him and Hermione. Which was great. Showed backbone and also his - I’m sick of you people using me and my family as pawns- speaks about his righteous anger against being taken for a ride. Hermione wasn’t pleased but had to grin and bear it for now. Hiram is certainly not going to be pleased. 

Back to Bughead and Cheryl (and I’m back to capslock)

POWER COUPLE WALK IN STEP

BETTY LOOKING TO JUGGIE FOR REASSURANCE SINCE SHE FINDS HER COURAGE FALTERING WHEN SHE CONFRONTS CHERYL

HE LOOKS BACK AT HER WITH A -YOU’VE GOT THIS BABE

AND OUR BABE ATTACKS - WHAT STOCKHOLM SYNDROME SPELL HAVE YOU CAST OVER MY SISTER?

JUGGIE LOOKS ON ADMIRINGLY AT WIFEY WITH A SMILE

THEN ATTACKS WITH HIS OWN - HOSTAGES DO NOT GET TO MAKE OUTGOING CALLS!

SO NANA BLOSSOM’S POWERS ARE TRUE, POLLY IS HAVING TWINS!

Cheryl mentions a Dr Patel, Is he Raj and Tina Patel’s dad? If yes, will we see them in Riverdale S2? Sidenote: Isn’t Tina one of Cheryl’s friends already?  

CHERYL DID YOU JUST CALL MY SON A HOBO YOU WITCH!!! (I love Cheryl btw, she’s so extra and Madelaine plays her so well)

SHE LITERALLY CUTS THROUGH THEM, PUSHING THEM APART! I already mentioned I think this is foreshadowing that she will be responsible for the conflict that creates a rift between Bughead.

BUT FEAR NOT, IT’S ONLY MOMENTARY. SINCE OUR BOY’S HAND IS BACK ON HIS GIRL’S BACK ALMOST THE IMMEDIATE NEXT SECOND! WHICH ALSO MEANS THE BUGHEAD RIFT IS GOING TO BE VERY VERY MOMENTARY AND THEY WILL BE BACK TOGETHER ALMOST IMMEDIATELY AND STRONGER THAN EVER!

Ronnie and Ethel

Ronnie telling Ethel her dad used to buy her expensive gifts whenever he did something wrong. Poor Ronnie. Her heartbreak at finding out Ethel’s dad had attempted suicide was so genuine, that scene was powerful and Camila played it very well, pulling apart the beads from her neck, symbolically destroying her dad’s hold over her. And her finally telling her mom she as done lying for him. It was a touch choice for Ronnie to make, loyalty to family or doing the right thing. I’m so glad she had the strength of character to make the more difficult choice!

Cheryl at Archie’s house

OMG Cheryl is really so extra. She called Fred DILF!

The Icewoman cometh!

Bribing Archie with an ‘84 Les Paul in their signature colour. Swoon!

I soo love Jughead’s expressions all through this exchange!

‘My claustrophobia acts up in small houses’. Is this going to come up again? Cheryl’s claustrophobia? Is someone going to lock her up in dark, dingy closeted space and that triggers something in her? Is she the one in danger that they’re trying to rescue in that snow scene like so many have already pointed out?

Cheryl kisses Archie twice and leaves a lipstick mark in this episode - on his cheeks and lips. Is this foreshadowing/ symbolism of some sort?

‘He’s also pimping himself out to Cheryl’ - Forsythe ‘subtle’ Jones everyone!

Hal and Alice

So Hal fired Alice and blocked her password? Really? He went there? And Alice calls him milquetoast?? More like fearless warrior to me! Hal showed his petty, vindictive side too, so there’s that!

So what’s this, Hal? You hate the Blossoms more than anyone, you don’t want to raise a child with Blossom blood, you have a personal vendetta against the Blossoms from before you were even born! And you’re telling Alice you won’t support her in HER personal vendetta? What even??? 

Okay, theory time! We know that Alice was mad at Hal for what he did to her - the same thing he did to Polly. But he only made an appointment for Polly. He may have done the same for Alice, but does that make it obvious she actually aborted the child? Maybe she gave it up for adoption (this was a choice the Coopers were on board with even for Polly)? Maybe the child was Cliff Blossom’s and that’s why Hal’s extreme hatred for any child with Blossom blood? Maybe Cliff raped Alice and got away because of his powerful connections and that’s why Alice’s extreme hatred for Cliff? I know it sounds crazy but it could explain a lot. I initially thought that Jason and Cheryl could be Alice’s kids (with Clifford) and they gave them up to the Blossoms to raise since Penelope was barren or whatever, but then Polly and Jason incest - yewww! But it would be delicious if the twins thing were actually a Cooper family thing and not a Blossom family one like everyone’s thinking, no??

Alice certainly has rage issues, throwing a brick at your husband, calling him a bastard all in front of your teenage daughter? WTF Alice?

Bughead at the Blue and Gold!

BETTY TELLING JUGGIE ABOUT HER PARENTS FIGHTING AND HOW ALICE THREW A BRICK AT HAL. LIKE I SAID, HE’S HER ROCK AND SHE CANNOT HIDE ANYTHING FROM HIM NO MATTER HOW UGLY!

JUGHEAD BEING JUGHEAD WHEN HE SAYS I WISH I’D SEEN THAT. HIS HUMOUR AND SARCASM ARE SO PART OF HIM NOW, THEY’RE NOT AN ARMOUR ANYMORE

BETTY ROLLING HER EYES AT HIM AND HE IMMEDIATELY APOLOGIZING FOR BEING INSENSITIVE - MARRIED!!!!!

BETTY BREAKING DOWN - THE COOPERS WON’T EXIST ANYMORE. SHE’S TIRED OF FIGHTING, POOR BABY, SHE’S EXHAUSTED AND SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHERE IT’S ALL GOING AND NOTHING IS MAKING SENSE

*SUPPORTIVE BOYFRIEND MODE ACTIVATED* - YOU ARE STRONGER THAN THE WHITE NOISE, STRONGER THAN YOUR FATHER, STRONGER THAN YOUR MOTHER, YOU’RE HOLDING YOUR FAMILY TOGETHER, DON’T GIVE UP, DON’T 

 THAT COLLAR GRAB, THE EARNESTNESS, THE URGENCY IN HIS TONE, HE CANNOT SEE HER BREAK APART, SHE IS HIS CONVICTION, HER FIGHT IS HIS FIGHT TOO. HIS FAITH IN HER ABILITY TO HOLD HER FAMILY TOGETHER IS AN ASSERTION THAT IF HE COULDN’T DO IT SHE COULD! SHE HAS TO SUCCEED, THEN MAYBE SOMEWHERE THERE WOULD BE SOME HOPE FOR HIM TOO!

DID YOU NOTICE HE SAID YOU’RE HOLDING “THIS” FAMILY TOGETHER - NOT “YOUR” FAMILY BUT “THIS” FAMILY- HE CONSIDERS HIMSELF A PART OF HER FAMILY. SHE’S HOLDING HIM TOGETHER TOO! SHE MADE HIM WHOLE, FIXED ALL HIS BROKEN PIECES. HIS “DON’T LET GO” WAS A PLEA FOR HER NOT TO LET GO OF HERSELF - BETTY COOPER, OF WHO SHE WAS DEEP UNDERNEATH AND WHAT SHE’S CAPABLE OF AND WHAT SHE BELIEVES IN. 

SHE IS IMMEDIATELY CONVINCED BECAUSE “I WON’T” IS A PROMISE SHE MAKES TO HIM. A PROMISE THAT SHE WILL BE WHOLE, UNBROKEN AND STRONG FOR HIS SAKE AND WILL CONTINUE TO KEEP HIS FAITH IN HER ALIVE!

THE HUG!

THAT’S ALL - GO HOME

Val and Archie

WHAT DID CHERYL SAY TO VALERIE??

The Blossoms are buying you!

If you have to ask - you don’t know me at all! Slay, Valerie!

Val blowing off Archie - good for you, Val!

Archie at Thornhill

Cliff Blossom thinks Archie by his daughter’s side could improve her image? Why Archie again? 

What were Cheryl and her dad arguing about when Archie was dancing with Polly?

Polly was playing Nancy Drew, I was right! But she’s being foolish. She’s heavily pregnant (with twins!) and she needs to protect her babies first. She entered the enemy’s lair without a thought for her own protection? She’s scared, she doesn’t want the Blossoms to know, which means she thinks they are dangerous. Why would she put herself and her babies willingly in harm’s way just because of the Cooper penchant for sleuthing? Also don’t understand how Betty and Alice can be okay with this madcap scheme?

Cheryl again with the you’re-the-only-good-person-in-this-town which changed the minute Archie wanted to leave. So she’s susceptible to flattery and also petty and vindictive when rejected. Did she kill Jason because he was kind of ‘rejecting’ her for Polly? Or was she secretly happy he was out of the picture so now she could become the focus for her parents?

There could be 2 reasons Cheryl hates Polly. One because Polly’s kids would be the heirs to the Blossom legacy and not her. After Jason she may have thought herself to be the sole claimant. But Polly being pregnant ruined everything for her. Btw, did they do a DNA/ paternity test yet to find if Polly is telling the truth about Jason being the father? The Blossoms are just taking Polly’s (and the Cooper’s) word for it? I think they would smell something underhanded knowing the Coopers are involved. Also Cheryl could hate Polly because she still thinks Polly killed Jason and wants to exact her own revenge on Polly. 

So Clifford sent Hiram to jail and that makes Hiram a suspect. But does this mean Hiram is really innocent? Or that Clifford just exposed his guilty ass?

Bughead and Alice

BETTY LOOKING AT JUGGIE TO INVITE HER MOM TO THE BLUE AND GOLD!

*SON-IN-LAW MODE ACTIVATED*

BLUE AND GOLD HAS A HIGHER ANNUAL OPERATING BUDGET THAN THE REGISTER? IS THAT POSSIBLE?

BUGHEAD BUGHEAD BUGHEAD

*SCREAMING*

BYE

ETA:

The last scene with Bughead realizing Hiram Lodge could be a suspect, Archie looking on clueless, while Betty and Jughead go back and forth completing each other’s sentences - OMG they’re so fucking attuned to each other!!

They have Hermione Lodge, the Blossoms, The Coopers, Hiram Lodge and Reggie Mantle (???? Why??) as probable suspects already. Why is FP Jones not on the murder board???? Because they don’t know about the jacket? 

THE PROMO FOR 110

JUGHEAD LOOKING UPSET AT THE MENTION OF A BIRTHDAY PARTY (MAYBE HE HASN’T HAD ONE IN FOREVER BCOS OF HIS DAD OR SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED AT THE LAST PARTY HE HAD AND HE DECIDED NEVER TO HAVE ONE BCOS IT BRINGS BACK BAD MEMORIES? *SOBBING*)

BURGER CAKE

BETTY IN A CROWN SWEATER

BUGHEAD ADORING LOOKS

ETHEL LOOKING SHADY AF

CHUCK CLAYTON GETTING SLAPPED BY BETTY

JUGGIE PUNCHING CHUCK

JUGGIE BRUISED ON HIS FACE (WHO’S A BRUISER NOW, MOOSE?)

RONNIE LOOKING UP WORRIEDLY (IS SOMEONE UPSTAIRS IN THE ROOM?)

SOMEONE IN A WHITE FUR COAT UNLOCKING (OR LOCKING) A DOOR - CHERYL?

ARCHIE AND RONNIE MAKING OUT

EVERYONE IS WASTED

WTF is happening?

#riverdale reviews #my riverdale reviews #riverdale 1x09 #bughead