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#living after loss
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please don’t take this weird but if that’s you in your pfp you’re INCREDIBLY beautiful and i hope you find your peeta mellark one day!!! have a good day 🌻
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The cutie in that picture is actually my dog, Lup (pronounced Loop) But i'll let her know you called her beautiful! (Thank you, anon! That is so unbelievably sweet and kind! I get pretty down on myself, looks-wise, way too much. so confidence boosts like this are like little pieces of SUNSHINE!) As for finding my Peeta Mellark... not to get sentimental, and heartbreakingly depressing, on main but I did meet my Peeta Mellark. They were perfect, wonderful, funny, absolutely gorgeous, the kindest and most loving human being i'd ever met in my life. They made me smile every second of every day I got to love them. And they made me laugh with my entire soul. They changed my heart and my life in every possible way a person could be changed for the better. And they even loved to BAKE. (I still think about their biscuits and their beer bread with fondness!) They were my favorite person in the entire world and I could talk about them for hours. All anyone has to do is bring them up and it lights me up from the inside. I LOVE talking about them. They passed away in December of 2019. Three days after we were engaged. My heart was torn to pieces and it took me 4 years, and a LOT of therapy, to want to live life again. I will spend the rest of my life loving them and looking forward to all of the things I'll get to tell them I did with my life when I do get to see them again. I've actually recently started dating again. I've gone on a few dates with an absolute teddy bear of a man who seems to be besotted with me and whose company I really, truly enjoy. (And who, on our most recent date, actually VERBATIM said that kissing me made him hunger for more. WHO ACTUALLY SAYS THAT?!?! DID I WRITE THIS MAN INTO EXISTENCE????) Oh and on our FIRST date he helped me get some pretty rocks from a rock stand, put a blanket down on a bed of dandelions, and UNPROMPTED was like, "Did you know you can actually eat dandelions?" WHO IS THIS MAN????
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butchfalin · 6 months
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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pherredraws · 3 months
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from the homumiko mines
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chaiaurchaandni · 7 months
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also remember that no form of resistance is ever acceptable to the colonizer. and that includes non-violent resistance (the great march of return) + non-violence is only successful against a force that has a conscience. but if your opponent had a conscience, he would not be oppressing you in the first place.
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scuderiakarts · 2 months
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thinking about pierre telling charles he has to win for anthoine and pierre using one of charles’ helmets for his tribute helmet in monza and pierre having a picture of himself and charles on his motivation board and pierre telling charles to give them something to celebrate in monaco and charles saying pierre winning in the monza is the only thing that could make him smile
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doctorbunny · 16 days
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A little speculation about Corpse Disposal and J-horror
But I'm a little bored so sharing a part-theory, part-headcanon on Muu and Rei
So we unfortunately don't see much of Rei in "Its not my fault" but I want to point out three key times we do
The first time we see Rei in the MV, is her wet sleeve (we know its not Muu because Muu wears a pink jumper under her blazer)
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Then, after a lot of bug stuff, we're finally back in the real world, where Muu has just killed her Post-After Pain. In INMF, we don't see the surroundings as well, just the dirt track and bushes. But in AP, we see this is right next to a rushing river (Muu's undercover card also features a bridge as a landmark)
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The next time we see Rei after her corpse, is a flashback to the start where she turns the hourglass over. Then it cuts just further back to before Rei stood up - as she pulls herself up off the floor She's alive and absolutely soaked after a session of intense bullying (which we saw Muu insert herself into in AP)
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However, I want to now switch a little to talk about cinematography and a concept called the Kuleshov effect The video I linked is pretty concise but the gist is that if you put two shots next to each other, even if they were filmed separately, the brain interprets it as a continuous scene (so if you film a character looking off screen, then a picture of an apple on a table, we're going to assume they're looking at the apple)
Therefore while we understand chronologically that the sequence of events is Rei (wet and alive) -> Rei's murder on dry land ↺ Flashback to Rei still wet and alive Which I think everyone understood as a commentary on how this power struggle was a constant cycle of the hourglass being turned over
I think visually, it also implies a sequence like Rei was bullied -> Muu kills her -> Sopping wet, Rei crawls back to the classroom
But wait! That sequence suggests a missing step How did Rei get wet again?
Well, we know Muu killed her next to a river And if you were a scrawny teenage murderer with a body on your hands, would you leave it there where someone could see it while you grab a shovel and stand in broad daylight digging a hole in tough ground??? Or try lighting a fire in public??? Of course not!
It'd be much easier for Muu to, in a panic, just roll her body into the convenient river and let all the evidence wash away!
(Of course, if Muu was panicking, she might not have been very careful. Given she ended up in MILGRAM, there must've been something tying Muu to Rei's death and in T2 Muu seems to have finally remembered losing her left shoe...)
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Fun fact: this is the same shoe Cinderella loses in the animated Disney film (and the best known version of that story came into English from France)
Shoe break over, back to the Endless Queen's Game
So, if we assume Rei's corpse was thrown in the river, what does it matter? Its just a pointless headcanon
But I speculate the meaning goes deeper!
So that image of Rei, soaking wet, crawling off the floor reminded me of something: J-horror ghost girls! Specifically the most famous of ghost girls Samara/Sadako Who became a vengeful spirit after being thrown in a well and now crawls out of TVs to kill people who watched her VHS tape
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Her story too is a cyclical one (its called 'Ring' for a reason), the only way to break the curse is to copy the tape and have someone else watch it, who will then become the victim unless they can themselves copy the tape and show it to another unsuspecting patsy
The story goes back further because this movie is based on a novel, which is based on the legend of 番町皿屋敷 Banchou Sara Yashiki. There are many versions but generally a maid girl Okiku is proposed to, and when she rejects the proposal, her master breaks one of ten plates and promises to forgive her if she marries him. When she declines again, he beats her to near death then throws her into a well (sometimes it's a jealous mistress instead of a master)
Interestingly, Atrophaneura alcinous (swallowtail butterfly) larvae found in Japanese wells became known as Okikumushi お菊虫 (Okiku bugs), tying back to the whole insect thing...
It's been said a bunch now, but the name 'Rei' can be read as 霊 meaning ghost (seen in words like Yuurei 幽霊, a more common word for ghost than Rei on its own)
We know Muu is afraid of ghosts too (though I must admit she says Obake, not yuurei, but both words refer to ghosts)
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Remembers the i/井 in Sakurai/櫻井 can be read as 'well' I'm sure that has nothing to do with anything
Uh, I can't think of a conclusion because its 1 am and I had to look up a bunch of spooky images
TL;DR: I think Muu may have quickly shoved Rei's body into the river next to where the murder happened (maybe forgot her shoe at the scene of the crime) and now she's scared by the cycle continuing and Rei coming back to haunt her
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blessyouhawkeye · 2 years
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i simply think that in alecto the ninth harrow, faced with having gideon back, being able to see her face and hear her voice, should drop all pretences and just be incredibly romantic. first flower of my house romantic. i just think that gideon, who has become angry and bitter and jaded, should make cracks like "don't look now nonagesimus, i'm a corpse. you getting the hots for me?" only for harrow to reply "I would treasure you in any form you take"
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thelilylav · 2 months
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We only see each other at funerals
(On Jason, Thalia, Nico, Bianca, and their parallels/connections)
The Titan's Curse (Rick Riordan), @/anxiousmaya_, Right Now (Gracie Abrams), The Battle of the Labyrinth (Rick Riordan), Joan of Arc (Mary Gordon), The Lost Hero (Rick Riordan), Episodes Toward and Elegy for Halley's Comet (Lindsey Drager), Jason Grace (Riordan Wiki), The Gods Show Up (Michael Kinnucan), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), What the Living Do (Marie Howe), The House of Hades (Rick Riordan), Planet of Love (Richard Siken), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), Tangerine (Nolune), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), The Blood of Olympus (Rick Riordan), I Bet On Losing Dogs (Mitski), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/abhorarchive (Twitter), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), Seventeen (MARINA), The Burning Maze (Rick Riordan), @/rollercoasterwords, The Tyrant's Tomb (Rick Riordan), @/the-overanalyst, Where Things Come Back (John Corey Whaley), Grit (Silas Denver Martin), Softcore (The Neighbourhood), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Frost (Mitski), @/moonbends, I'm Your Man (Mitski), Sun Bleached Flies (Ethel Cain), The Tower of Nero (Rick Riordan), Three (Sleeping At Last), My Art
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veryinnovative · 3 months
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CHARA STUDY 004 PANDEMONIUM — BARTY CROUCH JUNIOR : there's man, there's monster, and then there's barty crouch junior
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thosewildcharms · 1 month
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not to over-indulge in my own tags and this extremely hyperspecific au but walk with me for a minute. it's this scene from the series finale of LOST except make it rick and michonne. and instead of it being them reuniting in the afterlife it's them reuniting after the poof! no apocalypse timeline reset and they're getting flashbacks of the original zombie apocalypse timeline. do you see my vision.
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akkivee · 19 days
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nabbing from twitter lol
who in hypmic:
caught ur attention first: ichiro
first fav: ichiro and jakurai
current fav: kuukou💜💜💜
first least fav: samatoki-sama lol
least fav now: ?????
fav division: bat 💜💜💜
fav ship: ichikuu, riodice, mtrOT3
fav song: kaigen and osaka billion dreams for fav stage song even tho no one asked LOL
fav media: drama tracks and manga
fav official art: i have a lot lmao but these came to mind
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theotherrichardpapen · 2 months
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...because any moment may be our last. everything is more beautiful because we're doomed.
#looking through my drafts and seeing this post unfinished and knowing in my core I'll probably never actually finish it .#but strangley enough i don't hate the way it looks with only those 2 panels ? beauty in simplicity or something idk#woe unfinished post be upon ye#honestly probably wouldnt even bother posting it were it not for the fact i was hit by a sudden wave of sadness#by being reminded out of the blue that alex really does just . lose nigel that night#enough deep level analysis my brain is all out i think . but just the simple fact that nigel dies that night#and alex has to go on for the rest of his life post-ending carrying that grief and loss with him#i know we talk about how nigel isn't truly 'gone' in the sense that they're one now and jack is supposed to be an amalgamation of the two#a product of their union and 'consummation' that night at the yard#but he's still gone . no matter how much alex might try and follow in nigel's footsteps#no matter how hard alex tries to tread that same path nigel did to feel close to him#he's gone . they will never have that moment beneath the house ever again . and alex has to go on living with that#anyway . normal again . imagine dropping a song rec like i used to. aha . go listen to sick like me by in this moment.#like minds#murderous intent#nigel colbie#alex forbes#nigel colbie x alex forbes#edit : THEY'LL NEVER HAVE THE MOMENT UNDER THE HOUSE AGAIN !!!!!#thinking about the moment where nigel sits across from alex after he shoots john#and the contrast to the scene in the crawlspace . nigel is trying to connect he is trying to get alex to see to understand#but now alex is closed off. something may be irreparable broken between them#do you think it was the moment where nigel starts to despair . to plead . realise that he needs to find a way to make alex truly see#i need to get some sleep
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hi-its-meg · 1 year
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Insane 🙈
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aimseytv · 1 year
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god can i just say home much caimsey resonates with me. its so easy to slip into bitterness and hate when you've gone through loss and grief and yet sun does not give in to that cycle. it means a lot
she means so much to me too, gamer. don’t worry :]
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feroluce · 11 months
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Extremely in love with the idea of a time loop scenario for submas, because PLA made it just so PERFECT for them. ♡♡♡
I love thinking of it from Ingo's POV because that would be so confusing. Like he goes to bed with Emmet totally normal and fine one night, and the next morning, the change is just so. STARK.
Emmet looks exhausted, in a way that Ingo has no idea how to deal with, because it doesn't look as simple as Emmet not having slept well. He's tired in a way that sleep won't fix, he's listless, he's quiet, all of his energy and chipper attitude that Emmet usually displays even in the early hours of the morning has been completely sucked away and left him looking hollow and empty.
Emmet seems resigned to something, and Ingo has no idea what it is or what to do about it.
Ingo himself has had a strange anxiety lately, something he's left unspoken so as not to worry his darling brother, an odd ominous sensation that haunts him constantly, but all of it goes on the back burner immediately. It's probably nothing. It's certainly not his main concern anymore.
His day only gets weirder as it goes. Not only does Emmet evade Ingo's questions trying to figure out what's wrong with him, he also refuses to explain odd things that he shouldn't have or know. Ingo finds a pokeball that doesn't match any of their team, it's one he's never seen or even heard of before, gold on one side and silver on the other-
Emmet lays his hand over Ingo's, carefully takes the pokeball from him, quietly tells him not to worry about it. Everything will be ok. Emmet will explain everything, he promises. But later...ok?
Ingo doesn't push. Emmet goes back to cooking breakfast. He somehow manages to make exactly what Ingo's craving.
÷÷÷
When they get to Gear Station, Emmet asks to do the multi train instead of running their own separate lines, and Ingo is so distressed about Emmet's behavior so far that he doesn't have it in him to refuse. Ingo would do just about anything right then to see Emmet actually smile, not the crestfallen, stitched-on expression that's been fooling everyone else all day.
Emmet goes on to correctly predict every single pair of trainers they face that day, to the point that it becomes uncanny. He's always been an extremely able battler, Emmet has excellent intuition and he can quickly adapt to almost anything thrown his way. Ingo has always admired and been so, so proud of him.
But that's a little different from Emmet adjusting to a trainer's attack pattern before they even toss out their pokeball.
Over their lunchbreak, Emmet doesn't leave Ingo's side for even a moment, much as he's done for the entire day. They normally stick pretty close together, they prefer to function as a pair after all, but there's a strange desperation to it today. Emmet pulls out the lunches he'd made that morning; it's all of their favorites.
Ingo watches Emmet savor it like a last meal.
And then, that night, at the end of their shift, well after dark when the hour is closing in on midnight. Ingo gets a message that a bright light was seen down in one of the abandoned subway tunnels. Must be a flashlight; a trespasser, probably. Ingo turns to tell Emmet to go home without him; Ingo is the night owl between them and Emmet has had an off day. He deserves to go home and rest, Ingo will be home as soon as he's done with some more work.
Ingo has no more opened his mouth when he realizes Emmet already has all his things gathered and is taking his hand. "I'm going down with you."
Ingo hadn't told him about the message yet. He shouldn't have known.
÷÷÷
The whole way down the tunnels, Emmet has a vice grip on Ingo's hand, fingers laced tight together. He barely even seems to investigate, he just kind of walks with Ingo, pace slower than usual, always watching their steps.
Ingo sticks his head around a corner to check for intruders, and hears a quiet intake of breath behind him before the hand in his suddenly redoubles its grip.
Ingo turns around. Emmet is looking down. Ingo follows his gaze.
There is light. Bright, searing, white light, that is not Emmet's flashlight, not Ingo's flashlight, but is wrapped around Ingo himself, coming up from the bottoms of his shoes.
Ingo tries to jump back but finds that he can't move, he's rooted to the spot, there is light pouring out of him and flooding the ground, spreading outwards, lapping at Emmet's ankles who is suddenly right up against Ingo and holding onto him like he might disappear.
"I am sorry. Ingo, I am so, so sorry." Ingo pushes at Emmet's arms, but he won't budge, he won't get out of the way- "I tried. I really did!" the light wants Ingo, just him, he can feel it, Emmet needs to get away from him- "Many, maaaaany times!" he has no idea what he's talking about but he can't let Emmet be collateral, he can't, he can't, Ingo shoves at him again, harder, Emmet stubbornly clings on, Ingo's panic is rising like the tide, like bile in his throat, only growing more desperate in the face of Emmet's disarming calm, the light is obscuring everything, warping it, twisting it- "But I could not keep you here with me."
Everything, all of it, his entire world turns violently on its head, and when the light finally lets him go, Ingo sees bright blue sky all around him. Emmet looks up at him, the force of the shift having put them at arm's length, but unable to break their grip on each other. He can see the entire expanse of the landscape sprawled behind his brother, far far below. Pinpricks of tears bubble up from Emmet's eyes and spatter against Ingo's cheeks as they hurtle like a comet towards the ground.
"So let's Fall together."
#blankshipping#submas#pokemon ingo#pokemon emmet#subway master ingo#JUST. OUGH#that gap between Ingo having no idea what's going on while Emmet knows exactly what's happening#the implied horror of Emmet going through loop after loop after loop trying so so hard to keep Ingo with him Unova and never succeeding#and realizing that. he's never going to succeed. he wasn't meant to. he won't be allowed to.#and now he has a decision to make. Emmet can either let Ingo go- make his peace with the loss of his brother and try to live without him-#-or he can go with him. Emmet can give up everything and everyone he's ever known and throw himself into the rift with Ingo to follow him#and maybe it's an easy decision. but it is not one he makes happily or without agonizing. but he still makes it.#Emmet knows exactly what he's doing and that it will be the most horrible thing he will ever experience in his entire life#and still he does it because Ingo is worth it. Ingo is worth EVERYTHING to him- even the loss of their home.#so all that's left is to try to get in one last good day before they lose everything#Emmet makes Ingo his favorite foods and savors his own last meal because he doesn’t know when he'll ever be able to eat it again#Emmet gets them to do one last run on the multi line because that was always his favorite- getting to battle as a team with Ingo at his side#and he sticks by Ingo's side all day so that he'll be ready#because whatever wants Ingo is going to have to take him too#ingo#emmet#time loops#my fics
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maddymoreau · 1 month
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I'm enjoying Fallout 3 a little more but there’s one thing that’s extremely bothering me.
How come, in the dialogue options, I can NEVER can mention, I was FORCED to leave the vault?
I didn’t have a choice but to leave. Jonas Palmer was beaten to death in attempts to get info about my father James. The Overseer was going to have the same done to me if not WORSE.
The Lone Wanderer: "So they killed Jonas, and I'm next, is that it?"
Amata: "Yeah. It's lucky I got here ahead of them. But we can't stand here talking! You're got to get out of here!"
I understand my father didn't know this would happen. That he simply thought I wouldn't be able to leave the vault after he escaped.
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But the fact I can never explain what happened when reunited with him is just so ODD!?!?!!?
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I COULDN’T STAY!!!!!!!
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I FEEL LIKE THIS IS IMPORTANT INFORMATION YOU SHOULD WANT TO KNOW DAD!!!!!
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WHY ARE THESE MY ONLY OPTIONS?!?!?!?!!!!!
Why give me that entire section where I had to escape the vault to avoid MURDER!!?? If they were going to back me in a corner (dialogue wise) that I would've gone after my father no matter what.
It would've made the dialogue option, "Why would you throw away the life we had?" WAY MORE INTENSE AND INTERESTING IF I COULD TELL HIM HIS ACTIONS UNINTENTIONALLY AFFECTED ME!!!
It could've been followed by a cute bonding moment where he apologizes and says while this life was never what he wanted for me he'll now help me adjust however he can.
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