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tothepointofinsanity · 7 months

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Observation Log Series: Sayaka [III]

Today on: Visual metaphors for depression and the actual “magic of friendship”.

Images are taken from this Magia Record game video on YouTube.

I am pretty sure someone else in the ages past had already covered this bit, so I suppose I will add this to the archives for my own documentation purpose. Or for just anyone who feels like reading it, really.

Sayaka’s magical girl transformation in this sequence is very interesting. There are a lot of jokes about how she’s yeeted everywhere by the Holy Quintet in her own transformation, so here are the notes:

The beginning of her transformation is shot in the sequence of a downward spiral. Sayaka falls through the hoops and into the ocean as her opening, a reference to her descent into madness (keep in mind: the sea as a metaphor for an inescapable expanse of darkness; the abyss) in the main show, as well as her deteriorating mental health. The spiral drawn to resemble piano keys (🎹) is also no coincidence, but they break apart when Sayaka plummets past them, much like music becoming discordant and incoherent.

Right after that, she gets thrown around respectively by her friends, each of whom gets her to the destination of being fully transformed. What is important to notice is that for the majority of this part, you cannot see Sayaka’s face, and she appears completely indifferent and motionless as others pass her around without hassle. You would think someone like Sayaka, who typically exhibits stubborn tendencies, would be resistant to being literally thrown around, but I feel that there are reasons for this:

• Sayaka being shown not as weightless, but rather as something heavy that makes an impact wherever she goes. She’s literally dead weight in the water despite her Witch being a mermaid. There is no attempt whatsoever we see from her where she tries to swim gracefully or float naturally in the sea. She just seems to be…there, being moved rather than performing her transformation by herself like all the other magical girls.

• The Holy Quintet are the essence of friendship that help Sayaka not necessarily out of her depression, but rather giving her a massive boost by flinging her to the next appropriate person. Given she is portrayed as dead weight, she doesn’t transform manually and do fancy dances, instead heavily reliant on the support of the crew to help her get changed. The sequence where she’s thrown onto the bed and lies there before being flung out again is very reminiscent of the tragedy that individuals struggling with mental health problems can barely get out of bed on their own at times, even to the point where it seems they might never leave said bed. Homura has to pick up Sayaka in a bag before tossing her to Kyoko, where it unfurls and it becomes her cape.

It is also interesting to note that the bed is surrounded by mirrors of all sizes and shapes that don’t reflect Sayaka at all, but rather the oceanic creatures and environment. Her self image is nonexistent and replaced by the sea. When she’s thrown to Kyoko, it is only then she is “stopped”, and we finally get to see her face. Her hair is long, unlike the appearance of her short hair that we are used to. Kyoko helps her with the last part of her transformation by putting on the gold hair pin.

Kyoko being the one to not throw Sayaka but rather casually stop said impact is likely symbolic of their relationship. The ocean is stopped by the unmovable rock.

• In the very last part, Sayaka appears standing on a platform that arises from the sea, and only then she seems fully refreshed and ready to go. Once again, instead of swirling out of the water or something, she needs something solid to stand on and raise her to the surface as she is incapable of doing so herself. Her entire transformation seems to highlight that others need to be on standby to support her, or else she will likely just dwindle and sink motionlessly to the bottom of the ocean. By the way she’s posed, it also seems to imply that she has complete trust in her friends, who were there at every turn to assist her transformation.

Something else I thought about as well is the irony that despite being mermaid coded in terms of her own Witch and backstory, Sayaka is almost always portrayed as a sinking vessel the moment she hits the water. A finless mermaid, yet frustratingly a mermaid that cannot even swim or float. I find that this interpretation would fit into the existing narrative that Sayaka and the Incubators view her as useless or inadequate. What good a mermaid who sinks in the sea? What good a magical girl who needs others to help her transform proper? Noting that Sayaka’s transformation always involves her emerging out of water seems to tell us that she has always pulled her weight out of the abyss by herself.

TLDR: It wouldn’t hurt to show that Sayaka requires support from everyone in order to do her best.

#Sayaka Archives #madoka magica #puella magi madoka magica #magical girl #pmmm #pmmm sayaka #sayaka miki #mahou shoujo madoka magica #magia record

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cauldronlakefiles · 5 months

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Alan Wake and The Implications™️ of Gnosticism as told by Carl Jung (1916)

So in AW2 NG+, there is a new video called "Spiral," where he ruminates on the implications of what the Spiral could mean (spoilers below, and a very long post ahead)!

"There are loops beyond these loops. Vast, complex super structures. Beyond what's happening to me now, ahead of me. And I'm there as well. A version of me, something I have become- some elevated, enlightened version- an archon, a demiurge, a demon of some sort- playing a secret game."

Now this is veeeery interesting to me.

In the Gnostic religion, The Demiurge (literally "artisan" in Greek) is described as a creator of the material world. He is the God of the world, but not the God of the universe. Think Cronus or Odin, under Uranus and Burí. The Demiurge cannot create something out of nothing. He takes matter, already existent and created by the upper god, and turns it into our world, though it comes out imperfect due to the matter being imperfect.

Then, we have another Greek word admist his monologue: the "archon." The archon is Greek for "ruler" but in Gnosticism, it is the builder(s) of the universe, composed of a team. There's usually seven, and each one rules a planet.

And finally, the demon. That's self-explanatory. In Gnosticism, the definition is interchangeable with the Archons. The Archons are demons and the demons are Archons. Yes, this is relevant.

What I find interesting is the intersection where these definitions meet, the center of the Venn diagram. The Demiurge, the Archon, and the Demon is Yaldabaoth, The Son of Chaos and The Prince of Darkness. He is also known in some iterations as Samael, the Angel of Death, and is primarily viewed as the precursor to our modern day Satan, as well as the Gnostic equivalent to Seth, Saturnus/Cronus, and Typhon. He is described as having a face made of "half flame, half darkness, defiled with blood."

If you ask what his morality is, you will spur a fishtfight among the occult (as I found out by perusing the various forums and subs). He is generally considered evil or amoral, but he used to be depicted as a genuinely "good" God. He is usually described as arrogant, a "fiery nature," ignorant of higher powers and jealous of other gods.

Now, Jung further developed his idea of the Demiurge and Archon and Demon from Yaldabaoth, giving him the name of Abraxas, as taught by Basilides. Little is known about Abraxas, as the sources beyond Jung are scarce, though his name dates back to the ancient Greeks. The church burned much of the text that held his name. The Catholic Church outright banned him for being a pagan God and a demon. He is the God of time, and is more powerful and more dualistic than the aforementioned Yaldabaoth (both morally and figuratively) . He was a prominent figure in his book, *Seven Sermons to the Dead,* where he had this to say about him:

"That which is spoken by God-the-Sun is life; that which is spoken by the Devil is death; Abraxas speaketh that hallowed and accursed word, which is life and death at the same time. Abraxas begetteth truth and lying, good and evil, light and darkness in the same word and in the same act. . . He is the God of the cosmos, extremely powerful and fearful. He is the creative drive, he is form and formation, just as much as matter and force, therefore he is above all the light and dark Gods. He tears away souls and casts them into procreation. He is the creative and created. . . His power is the very greatest, because man does not perceive it at all. He is magnificent even as the lion at the very moment when he strikes his prey down. His beauty is like the beauty of a spring morn. To see him means blindness; To know him is sickness; To worship him is death; To fear him is wisdom; Not to resist him means liberation … Such is the terrible Abraxas … He is both the radiance and the dark shadow of man. He is deceitful reality."

Abraxas is duality, the God and the Devil combined in one. He is the beginning and the end. The first word and the last.

Anyway, we reach the part where he has successfully Ascended. He pronounces himself the "Master of Many Worlds." He becomes, in this sense, an "archon, a demiurge, a demon," and I can only imagine what that entails. Talk about a character arc!

#alan wake 2 ng+#aw2 #alan wake 2 #alan wake ii #alan wake spoilers #alan wake 2 spoilers #alan wake ng+#Alan wake

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bunthebreadboy · 2 months

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so i’ve been on my atla bs once again, and while rewatching today i got the lovely thought that azula reminded me of a specific kpop idol and spiraled from there. so. here’s my personal list of kpop idols as atla characters!!

these are mostly based on vibes and/or visuals. by no means do i mean to make idols i think are similar to the show’s antagonists out to be bad people!!! i will give an explanation behind my thoughts as well.

also disclaimer, i know next to nothing about boy groups, so please spare me lol

anyways

seungkwan (seventeen) as aang

- once again, i know nothing about boy groups

- i did however watch the devil’s plan (amazing show by the way, it’s on netflix) and the positive but still very determined vibe seungkwan brought to the show reminded me of aang

- also, this selfie of him reminds me of the one scene with aang in the flower crown

jihyo (twice/soloist) as katara

- extremely hard workers who trained for years to get to where they are now

- have natural leadership abilities and are total mom friends

- would cuss someone out if they were very annoyed

- thanks to jeongyeon and her water bottles, jihyo is actually a pro waterbender already (jeongyeon is pakku but without the misogyny. the entire pakku/katara fight is just a compilation every single concert encore where jeong and jihyo bicker)

chan (skz) as sokka

- this honestly just felt right

- every time i see a clip of chan on a live i end up laughing

- i have also heard from stays that skz would collapse without chan and i very much think the same of sokka since he’s the ideas guy

- also aussie sokka lmao

hyunjin (loossemble) as toph

- competitive level 1000000 (please watch one episode of loossemble assemble and tell me i’m wrong)

- would do something out of spite but is also very protective of friends

- cannot be left alone without causing hazards

- theft (“stealing can be fun” -hyunjin)

- chaos reincarnate when younger, calmer (a bit) when older

- toph would also wear that shirt and pretend she didn’t know what it said even though sokka told her

heejin (artms/soloist) as suki

- i mostly thought of this because heejin and hyunjin are former loona members and good friends. which would make the scene where suki saves toph from drowning even funnier imo

- but also have you SEEN this woman’s muscles??? i have full confidence that heejin could handle her own in a fight

- every sapphic i know who’s seen atla had a crush on suki growing up and every sapphic loona stan i’ve met (which is most loona stans) has had a crush on heejin

- heejin’s lore in loonaverse is basically being a god and i personally equate that to suki

- also, they’re dorks

siyeon (dreamcatcher) as azula

- LITERALLY THE REASON I THOUGHT OF THIS POST (specifically vision era hello???) LOOK AT HER

- siyeon is at the scene of the crime like 90% of the time something chaotic happens in dreamcatcher so i can fully imagine her cosplaying azula and running around with sparklers or something

- she’s also very good at looking evil in mvs so i think she could play azula

- that scene in the deja vu music video right before the last chorus when fire shoots up from behind her? she’s literally a firebender

seonghwa (ateez) as zuko

- i know absolutely NOTHING about ateez aside from a couple of their title tracks but this man looks so much like siyeon i couldn’t resist

- idk i just feel like they’d be good at being the fire disaster siblings

- he also looks like he’d eat up the “the scar is not on the wrong side” line for some reason???

- was probably an angsty teenager at some point

miyeon (gidle) as ty lee

- nobody can out femme either of these two

- cute extroverts who could also be deadly (like imagine x-file miyeon during boiling rock)

- i feel like ty lee would LOVE doing dance challenges with anyone and everyone

bibi (soloist) as mai

- i am fully aware that bibi isn’t an idol but i couldn’t resist

- she just gives the mai vibes honestly. you know that trope where the guard asks the character to hand over all of their weapons and just stands there and stares as said character pulls out knives from everywhere? that is both bibi and mai

- bibi is also the queen of every concept so i fully believe she could probably play the entire cast of atla in a chaotic one-woman show

anyways i hope you enjoyed my chaos rambling and i kind of want to do this with other shows so if you liked this please leave me recommendations!

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tending-the-hearth · 4 months

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MORE TURTLE ANGST AU BECAUSE TURT ANGST

because i am very very obsessed with versions of the turtles meeting each other i couldn't stop thinking about the utter angst that would ensue but also the softness and slow found family vibes

specifically the 2012 turtles meeting versions of themselves where tang shen doesn't exist, where splinter's entire world is the turtles + april

the 2012 turtles meeting, say, the rise!tmnt, the bayverse!tmnt, or the mutant mayhem!tmnt?? versions of the turtles whose splinters never had a serious love interest prior to their creation, whose love and attention was always solely focused on them?

i'm thinking about bayverse!splinter, who sacrificed himself for his boys without a second thought, who finds out about another version of himself who has all but pushed the turtles away, the precious turtles who are the light of splinter's life

mm!splinter, who literally was desperate to keep his beloved sons protected from possible dangers, who faced his greatest fear in order to help his boys, seeing how broken, how tired they are.

rise!splinter, who, despite how it seems, can and will put his boys above everything else, who cannot even fathom the idea of not wanting his sons around, of falling back into his life before the boys, seeing these versions of his sons be so easily abandoned

just... the 2012!turtles meeting different versions of themselves, and meeting different versions of splinter, and being so fully prepared to recieve that same cold shoulder, only to be gathered into warm embraces, and have gentle, fatherly reassurances whispered to them.

and they're rightfully hesitant, they're unsure, because having your father immediately turn to his original family without a second thought leaves some lasting trauma and pain, but they can't resist falling into the different splinters' arms, pouring their hearts out as they cry and listen to advice that only splinter can give.

and somehow, idk maybe the donnies make dimensional transport watches bc that's definitely a thing that would happen, so visiting the different dimensions, and hanging out with the different versions of themselves + splinter becomes a weekly thing. and slowly, the 2012!tmnt bring the other versions to their own world, introduce them to xever, and chris, and april, and casey, and the mutanimals, and it slowly spirals into all of them getting together and hanging out.

and the 2012 boys slowly start to realize that they do have a family. it may not be the one they thought they had, but it's even better, and full of people who truly love them.

@queen-with-the-quill @madcatgurl

#turtle angst au #teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles 2014 #bayverse tmnt #mutant mayhem #mutant mayhem boys are OVERJOYED at meeting the rest of the 2012!tmnt's found family #since so many of their family members match with the mm found family #then the bayverse rise and mutant mayhem splinters team up and go to the 2012-verse #and go absolutely feral #mm!splinter losing his absolute SHIT over the idea of abandoning any version of his boys #those are his BABIES #they're not from his dimension BUT THEY'RE STILL HIS BABIES #bayverse april being the ULTIMATE protective big sister over the 2012 turtles #the aprils def conspire against 2012!splinter and terrify their families #draxum is also involved somehow as a secondary dad to the boys

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lestappenforever · 10 months

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im sorry i literally just read through all your prompt fics and i would kill for a 44 and 45 if you havent done it yet. love your work so much mwa mwa (its okay if ur not taking prompts)

My lovely anon! Thank you so much for this — my brain kind of spiralled and ran away from me with this, so you're getting 11. "Come to bed." and 13. "Hold me?" as well.

Also, I wrote this on my phone while being a passenger princess in the car on my way across the country, so please forgive any typos.

I love you! ❤️

---

44. "I do love you, you know. Even if I'm shit at showing it.", 45. "Don't say anything. Just... Just lay here with me.", 11. "Come to bed.", and 13. "Hold me?"

It's not an uncommon occurrence, Charles and Max having a disagreement. In fact, it has been the baseline of their rivalry, then their friendship, and now, their relationship.

They have passionate discussions. Heated debates. They bicker and press each other's buttons. When one pulls, the other pushes, again and again and again.

But, most of the time, it’s fun. Harmless. A disagreement that will pass within a few minutes once they've both had a chance to cool down.

It usually doesn’t turn into a full-blown fight. Not one that leaves Charles looking at Max like he doesn’t know him anymore before storming off into the bedroom and slamming the door shut behind him.

He doesn’t even remember how it started. Something minor, no doubt, but Max cannot for the life of him remember what. All he knows is that whatever they'd been talking about turned into a conversation about Ferrari and Charles' outright refusal to accept that maybe it’s not the right team for him when they still haven't been able to give him what he needs to win a championship after so many years.

It's something Charles is passionate about, for obvious reasons. But Max is passionate about it too, because he knows what Charles is capable of. Knows that had he only just been in a different team — a team that listened and learned — then he'd already have a championship under his belt.

Because all Max wants in this world is to give Charles everything. But a championship is the one thing he can’t give him. And it’s infuriating, because nobody deserves a world championship more than Charles.

So yeah, when Charles had told him that he still believed Ferrari could help him achieve his life-long dream, Max had snapped.

Because when Max was this passionate about something, his passion could sometimes cross the line to anger. Not at Charles — never at Charles — but at the situation. At Charles deserving so much better than what he was getting.

That, on the other hand, wasn’t always obvious to others.

He overstepped, he knew that much. But he also knew there was no point in trying to fix this now because that would be poking the bear. And right now, the bear needs to breathe.

So Max lets him breathe, and he busies himself playing with Jimmy and Sassy. And when they get sick of him, he sits on the balcony and watches the city below.

He watches the boats, the cars, the people, and has to use every bit of strength to resist the urge to go to Charles.

Once two hours have passed and the Monégasque still hasn't emerged from the bedroom, Max can't take it any more.

Trudging back into the apartment, Max makes his way down the hallway to the bedroom. He lingers outside the closed door, hesitating. Two hours should be enough time, but it’s never a sure thing with Charles. Sometimes, two hours isn’t even close to being enough.

As he opens the door, Max hopes to God it's enough this time.

Charles is lying on the bed on his back, staring at the ceiling. But he'd left the door unlocked, which Max will take as a good sign.

(He won’t entertain the possibility that Charles simply may have forgotten.)

"I'm sorry," Max says as he sits on the edge of the bed next to Charles.

The Monégasque doesn’t look at him. Doesn’t answer. Just keeps staring at the ceiling.

Should have waited another hour, Max thinks to himself.

Well. Too late now.

"I didn't mean anything I said the way it probably sounded. I just — I think you deserve so much more. I'm sorry I didn't manage to articulate that."

Charles still doesn’t look at him or speak. But the tightness of his jaw eases slightly.

Max will fucking take that and run with it.

"I do love you, you know. Even if I'm shit at showing it," he goes on, reaching out tentatively to brush his fingers over Charles' thigh through the duvet.

He sees the Monégasque struggle with his resolve. Can tell Charles wants to hold on to his anger, just for a little while longer.

"You're only shit at showing it sometimes," Charles tells him with a sigh, before finally looking at Max. His eyes look puffy and tired, but still stunning. "Come to bed?"

It’s not forgiveness. Not yet. But it’s a start.

Max wastes no time, stripping out of his shirt and pants and climbing into bed next to Charles. He's about to keep apologizing — plead with Charles to forgive him, but the Ferrari driver beats him to the punch.

"Don't say anything, just — just lay here with me."

It's a simple request. One that Max is eager to comply with.

Hell, he'd launch himself off the fucking balcony with the biggest smile on his face if Charles had asked him to in that voice.

So they lay there next to each other. Not touching. Not speaking. Just existing in the same space. Breathing the same air. It's enough.

Until it isn’t.

Charles turns onto his side, facing Max, and looks up at him through his eyelashes. It’s a look that turns Max's very soul into a puddle.

"Hold me?"

"Always," Max's response is immediate as he shifts closer and pulls Charles against his chest, wrapping both arms around the other man and holding him as if his very life depends on it.

Charles sighs — a soft, pleased sound — as he nuzzles against Max, tucking his face against Max's neck and inhaling deeply. Letting the familiar scent of Max, of home, wash over him. Letting it soothe his soul.

Max lets it soothe his, too.

They don’t speak for the rest of the evening, but they don’t need to. Because as Charles holds on to Max and falls asleep in his arms, Max knows they'll be alright.

They always are, in the end.

#Lestappen prompts #Lestappen fic #My writing #Asks #Ask prompts #Anon #Anon asks #Lestappen #Lestappen drabble

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estellardreams · 2 months

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A Proper Summary on WHO'S THE MOST DANGEROUS TRAUMA SIBLING BECAUSE THE POLL IS GETTING THE QUESTION WRONG.

I hhave a feeling that people are messing up what the question is... When I said "Who's the Most Dangerous Trauma Sibling™?" I meant in their current forms, not if they snapped out of their states on who would be the most vengeful... That answer would've gone to Damien, anyway.

No, I'm going to fix this predicament... By telling EVERYONE who's actually the most dangerous. Starting with the least.

Nikolai Peterson

Do I even need to explain? The small, anxiety riddled hedgehog who can't fend for himself and has too many problems in his mind? You think HE'S the most dangerous? Really?

He can't run, so definitely not Sonic. Agoraphobia literally shows his recovery process, and it did take a while for him to revert close to normal but those traits still remained.

And his anxiety is PROBLEMATIC. That boy can't fight for anything and Starline constantly capitalizes on his weakness. It's... Rather pathetic, really.

There's a lot more to go into but... He's not strong. At all.

"You are not Sonic the Hedgehog. You have never been Sonic the Hedgehog"

Niko is normal. That's the point. He doesn't believe he's Sonic. He's the complete opposite to him in every capacity, too.

Kyle Molina

Kyle is... A unique case. He's a completely blank slate.

I am not exaggerating.

He kept resisting Starline so much that the platypus had to resort to drugging him so much that he couldn't think straight and his memories were buried underneath the fog.

A very thick and deep fog, to be specific.

To summarize who he is now... He is very calm and collected, but still holds an imaginative mindset underneath that silent and stoic exterior.

Kyle is also not the type to get mad. That's very clear. He's more likely to show fear than anger or sadness in general.

He's like... The type who doesn't emote very often. He's generally calm, collected, and keeps his thoughts in order. Starline couldn't wipe his intelligence, but he did wipe his memories, leaving a very intelligent child on his own with no idea why he's even like this in the first place.

"You cannot fly. You do not have two tails."

Kyle was made to believe he was a normal fox. What sets him away from Camellia is that his memories are all gone.

A blank slate can't do anything if it knows nothing was there at all.

Damien Bridges

This one is... Obvious. Damien is borderline insane, and that's been a continuous fact with him. He is just as smart as Kyle, but due to his more unstable mind he's a lot more... Unhinged, so to speak.

Damien is practically the definition of "dying inside" and I am not joking. He's been smiling so much, his pupils have shrunken down, and he's constantly on the verge of a mental breakdown every single day.

Insane laughter is there too. And it can get bad to the point he spirals.

But where this differs is... How Starline handled him versus Amy. We'll get into her next.

Damien has mental restrictions on him, so he'll not snap and be forced to rely on Starline. It's mainly the case of repeated fake flashbacks that Starline helps him through so Damien must rely on him for help and safety from these recurring traumatic experiences.

And if people TRY to take Nox from Agoraphobia into account for the fact that Damien is the most dangerous, KEEP IN MIND he became the major antagonist when he went off his meds and essentially "broke out" of his programming. He doesn't count.

"You are not Shadow the Hedgehog. You are not the Ultimate Lifeform."

Damien is similar to Niko in his treatment in a lot of ways, but his trauma response is completely different in correlation with his new personality. As such, he's on the edge of being erratic, insane, and hard to deal with. The only thing that keeps him in line are his mental restraints.

Camellia Rivera

I had this discussion with Sky so I'll rephrase what I said here: She's the closest to her OG counterpart, and as such the most likely to fight back and grow aggressive towards others. Damien has the disadvantage of mental restraints, Camellia doesn't.

Camellia, in Heliophobia, is the only character who's run away from her family. In other circumstances, like Pragmatophobia, she is the first person to realize she's been manipulated by Starline. The first one to discover the truth. And even her efforts in both Pragmatophobia and Athazagoraphobia don't go unnoticed. She makes an effort to help save others also stuck in this trap (whether it works or not, no idea).

Camellia is also very strong-willed. That energetic, bubbly personality presents her as being a lot more confident and open about herself and her ideals. She might slip into anxious territory occasionally, but she's been very strong entirely through her existence.

"You are not magical. You are normal."

And what happens when you remove the idea of someone being magical but leave their personality untouched? You get Camellia.

And Camellia is absolutely someone you shouldn't get into a fight with.

I rest my case. Thank you for reading. :)

#sonic #sonic au #text post #tachophobia expanded universe #tachophobia au #pragmatophobia au #athazagoraphobia au #heliophobia au #agoraphobia au #trauma siblings #nikolai peterson #camellia rivera #kyle molina #damien bridges

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higuchimon · 10 days

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THE TIME OF WRITING HAS RETURNED!!!

This is what I'm going to be writing.

WIP BIG BANG PROJECTS: Target date: September 2024

To Connect To Spirits: Yubel x Juudai, AU/pre-canon divergent, sort of both

Falling From Grace: Edo x Kaito: angel/demon AU

SWEET & SPICY BINGO: Target date: all 25 prompts completed & posted no later than mid-August 2024. Fics will be posted upon completion; will all be one-shots. No prompts will be greater than 8,000 words. No requests being accepted for this bingo.

heatstroke

much-needed rest

sleep deprivation

bubble bath

barely conscious

"Can I give you a hug?"

suppressing emotions

spa day

coughing up blood

bedtime story (alternate prompt)

lost voice

deep breath

"That's a lot of blood"

wound care

thought spiral

deep conversation

nightmares

snapping out of it

hypothermia

home sweet home

broken leg

wiping tears away

punch in the face

(literal) sleeping together

"It's not fair!"

TUMBLR PROMPTS

These prompts have been waiting in my inbox a long time and I will finally get to them. No further requests being accepted until I have completed all of these. All of these will be one-shots no greater than 12,000 words. It is not impossible that I could write some of these for Bad Things Happen Bingo/Any Fandom Dark Bingo/Any Fandom Fluff Bingo/Sweet & Spicy Bingo. I have not yet decided.

Ken & Hikari: taking the hit

Yubel x Juudai x Johan: drink me

Edo x Ryou: please put it DOWN

Yubel x Johan: please listen to me & I told you not to fall in love with me

Taichi x Daisuke: look at me -just breathe, okay

Ken x Daisuke: ouija board; Brushing a kiss along the shell of the other person’s ear; Kisses exchanged while one person sits on the other’s lap.

Ai x Yuusaku: sleeping together/call me

Edo x Ryou: soulmate death on wrist

Edo x Juudai x Johan: soulmates share one another's extreme physical pain

Yubel x Juudai x Johan: Arc-V (AU? undecided)

02 Chosen: all go to the Digital World/Dark Ocean for the first time together

Yubel x Juudai: truth & promise

Kaiser, Daisuke: obsession

Shou & Juudai: I thought you said you didn't have any powers (Reversal & Healer/Firestarter AU blended)

Kaiser x Daisuke: Tucking their hands beneath the other person’s shirt, just to watch them break the kiss and gasp in surprise at the sensation of cold/warm hands on their skin; Kaiser x Daisuke: One person tracing the other’s lips with a fingertip until they can’t resist any longer, tilting their chin towards them for a kiss; Kaiser x Daisuke: A kiss, followed by more that trail down the jaw and neck

Kaiser x Daisuke: heart growing three sizes, the grinch-style

Ken x Daisuke: it's a Christmas miracle!

Ken x Daisuke: cuddling for warmth [hybrids/breeds]

Ken x Daisuke: the nutcracker

Edo x Ryou: fire, flames, excessive heat

Juudai x Johan: on the verge of consciousness

Yubel x Juudai: I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere

Ken x Daisuke: “I cannot emphasise, just how immeasurably fucking stupid, this idea is.”

Ken x Daisuke: "You're insane." "You love me." "Not right now I don't."

Hayate (Windy's Origin): memory; what gives you the right

Shingo x Yuugo: too much

Yuugo x Rin: wedding

BAD THINGS HAPPEN BINGO

I've had these requests since 2021. Fills will come. Trust me.

Made A Slave: Alit

Conditioning: Yubel, Johan

Minor Character Death: Juudai, Johan, Yubel, Rune (Reversal AU)

Common Cold: Yubel x Juudai x Johan

Collared & Chained: Taichi x Yamato, breeds AU

Appendicities: Yubel x Juudai x Johan

Good Intentions, Bad Results: Yubel x Juudai x Johan (Arc-V AU)

Chained To A Wall: Juudai x Johan, Reversal AU

Ambush: Jim, O'Brien: Reversal AU

Blindfolded: Juudai x Johan, Reversal AU

Denied Food As Punishment: Miyu

Magical Curse: Taniya x Misawa, Shadow Demons AU

On A Leash: Juudai, Shou: Healer/Firestarter REversal AU

Damaged Wings: Yubel x Juudai x Johan, Sky Stories

Grabbed By The Chin: Yuuya, Yuuri

Captive Push: Jim, O'Brien, Johan

Forced To Kneel/Bow: Juudai x Johan, Reversal AU

Angry Mob: Yubel, Rune, Reversal AU

Soup For The Sick: Yuuri x Dennis

Forced To Beg: Taichi x Yamato, breeds AU

Gilded Cage: KEn x Daisuke: Take To The Skies AU

Brainwashing: Ryou: Healer/Firestarter AU

Shock Collar: Edo x Ryou

Compelling Voice: Daisuke, Apocalymon

Nightmares: Asuka, Reversal AU

ANY FANDOM DARK BINGO

Fics will be posted upon completion; will all be one-shots. No requests being accepted for this bingo.

Human Sacrifice

Haunted House AU

Coming Back To Life

Mafia/Mob AU

Revenge

Vampire AU

Stranded Somewhere

Criminal AU

Evil Stepsiblings

Pirate AU

Russian Roulette

Cult AU

Friday the 13th

Witchcraft AU

Near Death Experience

Sociopath!Character AU

Blackmail

Ghost AU

Interrogation

War AU

Car Accident

Apocalypse AU

End of the World

Space AU

Terminal Illness

ANY FANDOM FLUFF BINGO

Fics will be posted upon completion; will all be one-shots. No requests being accepted for this bingo.

Roommates

Found Family

Wedding Dress Shopping

Prom Night

Meeting The Parents

Fresh Sheets

Picking A Name

Blind Date

Out of Their League

Proposal

Party Games

Red Carpet Event

Going To The Zoo

Scary Movies

Love Triangle

Cooking Disaster

Strangers to Lovers

Costume Party

Dancing In The Rain

Shared Hobbies

Girl/Boy Next Door

Buying A New Car

Carving Initials Into Tree

Introvert x Extrovert

Love COnfession

#higuchimon posts #higuchimon bingo cards #power rangers #digimon #ygo gx #ygo zexal #ygo arc-v #ygo vrains #kingdom hearts #tagged for the fandoms I know I'm going to be writing for with these

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sexydreamgirl · 2 years

Note

To the academic validation anon - I’ve literally been in your exact boat. Exactly. Abusive situation and completely fucked up school after years of grade skipping and gifted and talented programs. Struggled with depression, OCD, and eating disorders for years. However, the only thing you cannot come from is the thing you give up on.

However, I had to step back. I had to acknowledge what was stopping me. What was my surroundings like and how did I fall into the nihilistic thought patters that led me to such a downfall. After figuring that out I brainstormed ways to do damage control. I kept trying and failing with the law of assumption (because my severe anxiety and shame surrounding the situation kept leading me to spiral and unknowingly step back into the old story).

How to do damage control? For me it was summer courses. You can do it through taking a supplemental course on your next year’s schedule or studying ahead of time for your next set of courses.

I got an A+ in two summer courses I took for original credit and I knew I could do it. I had to prove it to myself that my potential for success purely within the 3D was still there. That I was capable and competent. I ran for club officer positions, started a YouTube channel to discuss my hobbies, got a job at a local restaurant, and started doing things for my enjoyment. I made to-do lists and built up the discipline to complete them (by pushing through it even if it’s exhausting or seems pointless - you have to break the chains that hold you to your bad habits) even if my motivation was extremely low.

Tip for the to-do list thing: don’t break things down into mini-tasks. Break it down into sub-tasks but I found a long time-do list overwhelmed me. My to-do lists were usually two pages. Example:

Differential Equations

- packet 10 (packet 10 may have 20 different activities within it, but listing those out would only serve to distract, demotivate and overwhelm me and cause me to not complete it all).

- lecture 4

YouTube

- complete research for video 1

- finalize bibliography

Clean room

Etc. Etc. Etc.

Another thing that may be helpful is creating an alter ego. Make up a new name and refer to yourself by it. What does that version of you do? Embody this identity and soon it will become you. Ex. I created the alter ego “Alexandra.” When I was Alexandra I was motivated, unstoppable, and I always won and never gave up. And I began to act like that even when I let go of the alter ego.

I also began to be honest with myself. I hadn’t revised the past or lived in the end yet, so no, I hadn’t failed at the law. Could I have done more at the time to not get into that situation? Yes. Was I ashamed? Yes. Was I jealous? Yes. Did that serve me? No. And so I bought a journal and wrote about it all. The things in my head that I was too ashamed to talk about and I just let it live there. Self-awareness is integral to improvement.

Then I considered what I truly wanted. I wanted to be stress free and successful. I gained a lot of pride from academic success and I wanted it back. And by taking those relatively inconsequential summer courses I proved that if I want - I got it.

I had to find worth in myself and confidence outside of academic validation. My good grades didn’t exist without my intelligence. I.e. the intelligence came before the grades, not the other way around. The discipline came before the grade, not the other way around. I had other traits. I am an optimist and on some level I never ever gave up on myself. I am intelligent and always have been. I am pretty even if the majority of the time I doubted it. People depend on me and I depend on myself. I have dreams and goals I want to achieve. I am creative and have tons of ideas even if I’m not particularly artistic. I promise you, you are an amazing person outside of academics.

By then, I was in a good place with myself and could manifest the circumstance out of existence with little stress and resistance because I had validated my feelings, looked at my actions critically, came up with a game plan that I followed through with to appease my dominant thoughts, and was proud of myself by the end of it all.

You don’t have to do anything in the law of assumption - that’s true. However, that’s usually said by people who don’t have similar circumstances like us that have produced damaging thought patterns, nihilism, and self-sabotage. Doing something in the 3D to ease the situation whether it’s some volunteer work or a published hobby or sport to help your college applications, a few weeks of a course or two to prove that you’re capable, etc.

P.S. here are some miscellaneous habits to do that you might have let slip with the depression:

Hygiene - it can be so hard to keep up with your hygiene when you’re in the dumps but a shower, brushing your teeth, and detangling your hair goes a long way. Make sure your clothes are cleaned often, too. I know it’s overwhelming but tough love from someone who was depressed - change is painful. Doing a pull up for the first time may be hard, it may be painful - but the next time you go to do it, it will be easier.

Make routines. Every morning I wake up at the same time, I know what I’m going to have for breakfast, and watch the same docu-series while I cook it. Here’s my morning routine as an example: the night before, I pick out my all of the clothes, bags, etc. I’ll need for the day. I wake up at 5:30AM every morning, I do a workout (which boosts my energy and motivation for the day), I shower, brush my teeth, do my hair, get dressed. Then I go to my kitchen and prepare a breakfast that has protein and carbs (usually an egg and a salad or fruit salad w/ a plain bagel and cream cheese and some water), then I eat it. I go to my room and clean up the space, sit down at my desk and write a to-do list and a short (usually <1 page) journal entry to dump any brain clutter, and then I get started on my to-do list. I try to do everything at once and not take breaks because I’ve found that breaks cause my motivation to drop and I become less productive (and consequently very upset with myself). Your routine is something you should try a bit with. Create one, stick with it for a few days, if it’s making you feel mentally worse then discontinue it.

Never get behind and always show up. By showing up you create a social consequence if you don’t get your work done and you create a relationship with your teachers/professors/lecturers and you won’t want to disappoint them. By getting behind, you clutter your brain with old stuff, shame from not being on top of things, and regret while you scramble to rectify the situation. Just try your best to keep up. Try to get your work done in class or as soon as you have free time. It’s miserable in the moment but it relieves your stress right after.

Acknowledge that you may feel nihilistic and depressed - but you haven’t always and you won’t always. Your concern itself proves that this is important to you and that’s enough to work for a better future.

Only when you’ve reached stability - employ the law of assumption if you still want to revise. Only revise what you want to. If you don’t want to revise your childhood - don’t. I didn’t. It’s very ugly but it’s a part of me and I can be successful despite it. But if it’s something you’d rather not be associated with - stop associating with it.

I completely empathize with you anon and I hope you can find something helpful in this advice.

Give yourself tough love but don’t be derogatory to yourself. You got this anon. Another thing would be to cut out self-deprecation but I’ve gone on too long already ❤️❤️❤️

Oh and to academic validation anon, I assumed you were in high school from the phrasing used and high school was when I went through the same thing. If not, just apply the same to college (it might actually make the advice more manageable depending on your university, mine allows you to complete many units at once at your own risk, I’m not sure of your specific institution though ofc.) Either way, besides the buffing out your college application part it all still applies. And if you plan to go to grad school or pursue a professional degree afterward it might still apply. I’d also recommend internships and shadowing someone in your desired career. You can even contact professors who teach courses in your (desired) major if you’re in college and request to shadow them or research under them. Pre-college programs are great. Scholarships are great. It makes you feel motivated, gives you experience, and buffs out your college, job, and grad school (for me, med school) application. And as much as you don’t want to hear this - again, give yourself some law of assumption downtime and just do something to do something. Yes you could manifest that you already got the degree - but you could also step back and do something cool in the 3D based on your current assumptions and gain a lot of stability from it. All the best ❤️❤️❤️

My love, thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to dedicate such a lengthy and heartfelt response to my anon. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. ♡

#anon help #I've always loved the way my anons go out of their way to help my other anons #it truly feels like a little family here <3

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wee-snek · 5 months

Text

Storms We Cannot Weather

A Good Omens found poem, Crowley POV

(citations version)

(see original here)

I used to sit all alone in the dark (Cavanaugh Park: Something Corporate)

You fall….and… (Complicated: Avril Lavigne)

There was no reason. No explanation (Saw You in a Dream: The Japanese House)

I prayed that God would be forgiving (I Dreamed A Dream: Les Miserables)

But… (this could be literally any song)

Do you remember that day when we met? (It’s Not a Fashion Statement, It’s a Deathwish: My Chemical Romance)

Right from the start (A Thousand Years: Christina Perri)

I can’t quite explain… (Calling You: Blue October)

But the grace of your eyes can see good in me (Kite: Copeland)

Suddenly...my life doesn’t seem such a waste (Come What May: Moulin Rouge)

Why aren’t you scared of me? Why do you care for me? (Bury a Friend: Billie Eilish)

So I will not ask you where you came from. I will not ask. Neither should you. (Like Real People Do: Hozier)

And then...I fell in love with you… (Calling You: Blue October)

You say that love is not that easy (Hypocrates: MARINA)

Following their rules. Following the path of least resistance. (For a Fool: The Shins)

Bound by suffocating secrets (Gabriel: Valentina)

“This is Heaven, what I truly want” (Gods & Monsters: Lana del Rey)

But they don’t understand who you are (Gold: MARINA)

“How can I love when I’m afraid to fall?” (A Thousand Years: Christina Perri)

I believe there’s a way you can love me (Love Song: Sara Bareilles)

Listen….we won’t tell anyone (Rifle’s Spiral: The Shins)

They won’t get to us (Straw Dog: Something Corporate)

You might think I’m incapable of loving a soul like yours (Shesgotstyle: Never Shout Never)

Still I say there’s a way for us (On My Own: Les Miserables)

My darling, my sweetheart (Rise to Me: The Decemberists)

You’ve been so lonely in the name of being holy (Buy the Stars: MARINA)

It’s not that the darkness can’t touch our lives (September: The Shins)

Yet there’s still this appeal (Love Will Tear Us Apart: Joy Division)

The hopes of one day… (Rainy Monday: Shiny Toy Guns)

I don’t quite know how to say how I feel (Chasing Cars: Snow Patrol)

All the times I could have…Oh I just want to…. (Island: Coheed & Cambria)

I have loved you for a thousand years (A Thousand Years: Christina Perri)

I will love you until my dying day (Come What May: Moulin Rouge)

You’re still my favourite (Black and Blue: Chris Garneau)

And I’m willing to break myself (Break Myself: Something Corporate)

Asking if you love me (Calling You: Blue October)

Darling, don’t be afraid (A Thousand Years: Christina Perri)

We’ve nothing to prove (Simple Song: The Shins)

We don’t need anything, or anyone (Chasing Cars: Snow Patrol)

Is it possible to say….baby, let’s run away (Madi Don’t Leave: PlayRadioPlay!)

We can escape….away from all of this (Straw Dog: Something Corporate)

It’s different this time (Better Son/Daughter: Rilo Kiley)

Just you and I (It’s Not a Fashion Statement, It’s a Deathwish: My Chemical Romance)

Just our hands clasped so tight (I Will Follow you into the Dark: Death Cab for Cutie)

Just kiss like real people do (Like Real People Do: Hozier)

‘Til all that remains is the arms of an angel (Calamity Song: The Decemberists)

But love comes slow….and it goes so fast. (Let Her Go: Passenger)

Is my timing that flawed? (Love Will Tear Us Apart Again: Joy Division)

Who are you to tell me who to be? (Hypocrates: MARINA)

I don’t want your gold. (Gold: MARINA)

If you don’t know that by now then you don’t know me that well. (Buy the Stars: MARINA)

You played the martyr for so long that you can’t do anything wrong (Hypocrates: MARINA)

Some things never do change (Cavanaugh Park: Something Corporate)

That’s the lesson that you teach me (Hypocrates: MARINA)

In some sad way I already knew (Like Real People Do: Hozier)

I tried to give reasons...a thousand good reasons (All of my Good Friends, Goodbye: Luke Temple)

And in the end we’ll fall apart (It’s Not a Fashion Statement, It’s a Deathwish: My Chemical Romance)

I’ve done everything I know to try to make you mine (Long Long Time: Linda Ronstadt)

I know that I shouldn’t even try. It’s a waste of time (Saw You in a Dream: Japanese House)

You say you’re leaving? You’re already gone (Break Myself: Something Corporate)

You’ve gone too far. You broke my heart (Gabriel: Valentina)

You forgave. And I won’t forget (I Will Wait: Mumford & Sons)

There are storms we cannot weather. (I Dreamed a Dream: Les Miserables)

And I think I’m going to miss you for a long, long time. (Long Long Time: Linda Ronstadt)

A Thousand Years: Christina Perri

All of my Good Friends, Goodbye: Luke Temple

Better Son/Daughter: Rilo Kiley

Black and Blue: Chris Garneau

Break Myself: Something Corporate

Bury a Friend: Billie Eilish

Buy the Stars: MARINA

Calamity Song: The Decemberists

Calling You: Blue October

Cavanaugh Park: Something Corporate

Chasing Cars: Snow Patrol

Come What May: Moulin Rouge

Complicated: Avril Lavigne

For a Fool: The Shins

Gabriel: Valentina

Gods & Monsters: Lana del Rey

Gold: MARINA

Hypocrates: MARINA

I Dreamed A Dream: Les Miserables

I Will Follow you into the Dark: Death Cab for Cutie

I Will Wait: Mumford & Sons

Island: Coheed & Cambria

It’s Not a Fashion Statement, It’s a Deathwish: My Chemical Romance

Kite: Copeland

Let Her Go: Passenger

Like Real People Do: Hozier

Long Long Time: Linda Ronstadt

Love Song: Sara Bareilles

Love Will Tear Us Apart: Joy Division

Madi Don’t Leave: PlayRadioPlay!

On My Own: Les Miserables

Rainy Monday: Shiny Toy Guns

Rifle’s Spiral: The Shins

Rise to Me: The Decemberists

Saw You in a Dream: The Japanese House

September: The Shins

Shesgotstyle: Never Shout Never

Simple Song: The Shins

Straw Dog: Something Corporate

#Good Omens #crowley #aziraphale #ineffible husbands #good omens 2 #ineffible #found poem #found poetry #Crowley loves aziraphale

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bonesandthebees · 8 months

Note

I feel like I should specify that all the electricity I had in high school was calculating the resistance on parallel and sequenced circuits (or both). Which basically requires you to know like 2 formulas, when to use them and how to reform them to get what you want. It’s very visual too, which means being dyslexia gives me a boost because anything visual becomes a lot easier.

I also had some electricity last year because God knows why my teacher fell the need to throw that in (it wasn’t even a physics course! If I wanted physics I would have chosen Physics!). I was terrible at that (I can barely remember what it was). In my defence the teacher never taught us any of it, all of it was self tuition which is hell with dyslexia as severe as mine. Like I have other teachers who do guided self tuitions where you essentially get ‘tests’ you have to make, but they are open book so you’re just supposed to look it up while making it and then you’ll at least know what is and isn’t important. Pure self tuition sucks because I cannot differentiate between what is and isn’t important and everything takes me twice as long and twice as much energy as a Nero typical student (as you can image, lockdown was a special kind of hell I only got through because my friends would sent me their answers for all the heavy reading assignments so I could copy it.)

Also, STEM is very cool and fun. It’s so useful for world building. The amount of times I slide into my STEM friends’ DM’s to ask worldbuilding related questions and discuss what I could and couldn’t pull of with suspension of disbelief is so much fun. Not to mention that learning how you body works is awesome and good for the hypochondria. BUT the way STEM is taught is often very shit. Both in high school and in uni. They tend to get split into separate subjects when all of them connect, making teacher dependant on each other to build their subject matter. And I have friends in uni who will spend like an 8-10 hour day in a lab every week , who then have to write and finish a lab report by the next week.

Lastly,

Me 🤝 Snowflake

Being hella game for the royalty au when it drops and ready to analyse it it shreds.

P.s. oooooooohhhhhhhhh, kitties!

-🌲

that's the kind of electricity stuff I had to do too and it was so difficult for me to grasp 😭 which didn't make sense bc like you said it's literally just two formulas you have to plug stuff into but idk maybe my uni course went more into detail i dont remember

man having to teach yourself concepts like that is the worst. guided self teaching is fine like you said especially with open book tests, but pure self teaching is so hard because if you get confused on one thing it feels like everything falls apart. and i'm sure for you it was especially difficult with having to read so much stuff on your own. I definitely get the lockdown thing too, my grades spiraled down over lockdown and never fully recovered (and that was the year i failed a class for the first time ever. feelsbadman fuck organic chemistry)

but like you said STEM topics are very useful to know about for worldbuilding purposes (like me heavily bullshitting a somewhat scientific explanation for tommy's healing power in clinic so there's logical reasoning to it lmao)

lab reports... don't remind me shudders

#ask #spruce anon

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aspoonofsugar · 2 years

Text

Rising

I am late, but I have finally opened my eyes to how brilliantly volume 6 intro is built.

After showing Crescent Rose in all its glory, there is a quick overview of the girls before the focus goes on the full moon...

...shattering...

Perfect as an introduction for the volume where we finally discover how it broke :P

Then we start by introducing the group and their respective situations at the beginning of volume 6. They are about to take Argus Limited, Weiss and Ruby are playing together, Blake and Yang’s bond is still recovering and Adam’s ghost is hunts them.

It follows some obvious foreshadowing:

Maria and Ruby’s silver eyes...

Qrow giving in to alcohol and so symbolically to the Apathy, while Ruby resists them, as a way to show her taking charge of the group and overcoming her uncle throughout the volume.

Still, what really interests me is how the lyrics play with the images from this point on. Apparently, the opening just lists a series of natural imagery and uses it to hammer down the same basic concept:

And we cannot wait Trust the way we're made

Still, every metaphor fits the character that appears on screen.

The sparrow's born to fly

Flying is where Ruby’s semblance is going as a symbol of her ability to escape gravity by going against all odds.

The mountains tower

Cinder and Neo meet in a city surrounded by mountains with Neo towering over Cinder:

And vice versa:

Until they form a menacing alliance that will later on threathen the protagonists.

The river knows to reach the sea

I mean...

Adam is literally cleansed away by the river that washes him away from Blake and Yang’s lives.

The rain will help the flowers be:

Very obvious foreshadowing of how Hazel and Tyrian are becoming respectively Emerald and Mercury’s mentors with the kids facing opposite directions with opposite expressions (Em is somber, while Merc shows a small smile).

We're the same, you and me

Teasing the theme of empathy and how the villains are deep down distorted versions of the heroes. Also hinting at how Salem is still human even if she refuses it by projecting her issues on her inner circle and abusing them.

The lightning doesn't take advice from anyone

Just as Salem refuses to open up to others and to put herself on the same level as others.

The willow doesn't need to learn to stand

Just like our Pine is already his own person.

As sun seeks day We'll find our way

Qrow fights in the light and will find his way despite the struggle. Cinder instead is ironically fighting in the dark and is as lost as ever...

(I mean, she’ll find her way, but not anytime soon and she’ll spiral and crash badly first :P).

Finally, we come full circle. We start with the girls and their group and we go back there with them fighting on the train.

The moon of the beginning may be shattered, but it is still rising:

And we'll catch that dream together someday soon We're rising like the moon

#rwby #rwby vol 6 #rwby meta #rising rwby #just some quick thoughts

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mr-leach · 1 year

Text

I cannot begin to express just how horrifically frustrating it is to be overstimulated and having a meltdown and not have the ability to remove any of the triggering stimuli

The worst part being that I know for a fact exactly how stupid I look from the outside while it's happening

I know I look like a whimpering child all curled up and whining and not using my words and sobbing and I know it would be so much easier for me to just grow up and take care of it myself or just get up and move or whatever it would take to remove whatever it is causing my senses to scream bloody murder at me but I. Just. Can't.

And it feels like a goddamned nightmare.

Anyway today I tried to get out of bed but it was too cold and I am excruciatingly tired for some unknown medical reason so the fact that it was too cold was made 5000x worse and I. Could not. Do anything.

I could not reach over and turn off the AC, I could not wrap a blanket around myself, I could not ask my spouse to turn the AC off for me, I could not lie back down and get under the covers, because before realizing it was "too cold" I tried so hard to get myself out of bed and be a functioning person that I pushed myself past some arbitrary threshold that made feeling too cold feel like actually being tortured, and the only non harmful thing I could do while I was experiencing this was cry.

And I say non harmful because dear lord did I ever have to resist the urge to hit myself. For some reason in the moment it really, really feels like the only solution to ending the torture is quite literally punching myself out. And I feel insane just thinking about it!!! I feel like there's no way that makes any sense and there's no way an intelligent person would do that in such a benign scenario and yet I was stuck for nearly an hour curled up into a ball trying so, so hard to remind myself that ramming my fist against my head was not going to help!!

I don't really know what im trying to accomplish by writing this out honestly, I think maybe I thought it would be cathartic or informative or help me try to put into words what I'm experiencing during a meltdown but really all I feel is like a big fucking idiot who maybe deserves to be made fun of?? I'm a joke of a human being if I can't take being a little cold without spiraling out of control like an unregulated toddler.

It really feels like the worst torment imaginable though. Like I don't know how else to describe it. The kind that makes you want to tear into your skin with fingernails and rip your hair out. Instant, bone-chilling discomfort like the feeling some people get hearing nails on a chalkboard, only it doesn't feel like it'll ever end.

Sorry this isn't a fun or enlightening post I just feel so fundamentally broken. A lemon.

#self harm mention #uhh #idk #im sure this post could use other warnings but my brain is jello atm

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paperanddice · 2 years

Text

A suicide shock trooper of a dream, the doomball is born from fears of secretive infiltrators coming to destroy you from within. This means they are actually far more often born from xenophobic societies, especially those who have lashed out at other groups to "defend" themselves. These dreams may take on the appearance of those who the dreamer fears will terrorize them, and are self-driving in a way. Societies that fear terrorist infiltrators will birth doomballs, which will inspire further fears of such infiltration and can lead to an out of control spiral that ends the people who spawned it.

The doomball is the sphere inside the body, but its existence does depend on the body as well. A doomball that fails to launch itself in time may be destroyed if its body is killed, potentially leading to a very confusing autopsy when the giant metal ball is discovered inside. If the doomball launches itself it can survive for a short while, sustaining itself on the reserves of energy in its false body, but invariably the flying ball falls still, so they try to save their launch for moments that will make a significant impact. Rarely do they have a true long term goal however, and so the ball will burst forth when it can cause major, noteworthy damage even if there is nothing else to follow up afterwards. If the doomball is coordinating with other dreams however, this can make whatever goal the other dream is driving far more effective, as the destructive power of the doomball can provide quite a bit of leverage and support.

Outside of a dream setting, I think the only "reasonable" interpretation of the doomball is a construct, which could be implanted into a living person's body (with presumably a lot of magic keeping them alive when half their abdomen is now a metal ball), or inside a fully artificial body. In that case they literally do become terrorist infiltrators though, and that ruins some of the dramatic irony of imagined terrorists creating real terrorists that I like from the above commentary. In game I don't recommend throwing a bunch of doomballs against your party for a single battle, especially the 13th Age version that actually dies after making its attack. Having them show up suddenly during an unrelated event, or surprising the party in the middle of another fight is more in line with the intention of the monster, so long as the situation seems vital enough to prompt such a final attack. Originally from the Dreamblade base set. This post came out a week ago on my Patreon. If you want to get access to all my monster conversions early, as well as access to my premade adventures and other material I’m working on, consider backing me there!

5th Edition

Doomball Medium aberration, unaligned Armor Class 16 (breastplate) in humanoid form, 18 (natural armor) in ball form Hit Points 93 (11d8 + 44) Speed 30 ft. (0ft., fly 40 ft. in ball form) Skills Deception +6 Damage Resistances in ball form; bludgeoning, piercing and slashing damage from nonmagical attacks not made with adamantine weapons Senses in ball form; tremorsense 120 ft. (blind beyond this radius) passive Perception 11 Languages any two languages Challenge 9 (5000 XP) Cannonball Flight. The doomball can enter a hostile creature's space, but cannot end its movement there. The first time it enters a hostile creature's space or moves within 5 feet of an object that isn't being worn or carried on a turn, it can make a Slam attack against that target. Charge (Ball Form Only). If the doomball moves at least 20 feet in a straight line toward a target and then hits it with a Slam attack on the same turn, the target takes an extra 10 (3d6) bludgeoning damage. If the target is a creature, it must succeed on a DC 16 Strength saving throw or be knocked prone. Detonate. As a bonus action, the doomball can release the sphere inside of it, killing its humanoid body and releasing its ball form. The doomball regains hit points until it is at its maximum. The doomball dies one minute after it uses this ability and cannot be restored to life by any means. The Man Bears The Sphere. The doomball is almost indistinguishable from a regular humanoid. The only thing that can reveal its true identity is somehow detecting or discovering the large, spiked metal sphere inside the doomball's abdomen, which cannot be seen or felt from outside of the doomball's body without magic. Actions Multiattack. The doomball makes two Warhammer attacks. Warhammer (Humanoid Form Only). Melee Weapon Attack: +8 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 8 (1d8+4) bludgeoning damage or 9 (1d10+4) bludgeoning damage if used with two hands. Slam (Ball Form Only). Melee Weapon Attack: +8 to hit, reach 5 ft., one target. Hit: 11 (2d6+4) bludgeoning damage plus 7 (2d6) piercing damage. Light Crossbow (Humanoid Form Only). Ranged Weapon Attack: +6 to hit, range 80/320 ft., one target. Hit: 6 (1d8+2) piercing damage.

13th Age

Doomball 6th level wrecker [aberration] Initiative: +11 Clumsy Hammer Swing +9 vs. AC - 12 damage. Natural Odd Miss: The doomball takes a -2 penalty to AC and PD until the start of its next turn. R: Poorly Aimed Crossbow Shot +9 vs. AC (one nearby or far away enemy) - 10 damage. Natural Odd Miss: The doomball rerolls the attack against a random creature nearby to the target. R: Detonate +13 vs. PD (one nearby enemy) - 65 damage. Natural 20: Instead of dealing double damage, the doomball can make another detonate attack against a different target. Miss: 30 damage. Limited Use: 1/battle, when the escalation die is 2+. The doomball dies when it makes this attack. The Man Bears the Sphere: The doomball is indistinguishable from a regular humanoid without magic or some kind of invasive surgery. If there’s a plausible crowd of humanoids not involved in the battle, it can attempt to hide among them before joining the battle on a future turn, or it may pretend to be on the PC’s side and attack their enemies. PCs may attempt a DC 20 skill check to recognize that the doomball is a threat and act against it before it enters the battle or turns on them. AC 21 PD 19 MD 17 HP 78

#D&D #dnd #dungeons and dragons #5th edition #13th age #homebrew #my homebrew #monster #aberration #dreamblade #dnd cr 9 #13th age level 6 #long post

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chockfullofsecrets · 2 years

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hello it is brains! anon here to chatter at you because i like to chatter about writing

the sunlit metaphor that the whole thing is named for came from me nearly getting caught in a thought spiral because we don't know if ashton runs warm? they have blood? but they're a rock? at which point i went "fuck it, it's sunny, if they weren't warm they're about to be"

also just absolutely taken with the way ashton Is A Brat as a love language and also oh my gosh? this fic received such a response?

and also dorian is SO nervy and SO good for winding up that he was just. the obvious victim. i have it in my head that one day ashton will tickle imogen until she casts shocking grasp on them and then laugh his ass off about it, but they're not there yet. and laudna is a little too fragile for that kind of roughhousing, and fearne IS game, but her idea of play might sometimes involve setting you on fire. something about orym just isn't vibing, i think it's maybe that he'd rather fight fight than tickle fight and ashton's always down to get punched, and i simply CANNOT do chetney. i just cannot get a bead on the man

and FCG!! My beloved!! FCG is, of course, a robot, which is a shame because they'd otherwise be a prime candidate for this sort of thing. Ashton loves them, and they're not built to brawl, but unfortunately they have no nerve endings :(

@sunlitanon i’ve been trying to figure out the C3 gang and i would love to chat about them <3

i don’t know how earth genasi biology works and at this point i’m too afraid to ask but yes Ashton absolutely gets warm in the sunlight and stays cool longer than everyone else in the mornings and this makes them perfect for cuddling in the desert :)) when Laura adopts her obligatory animal companion i fully expect it to snuggle up with Ashton as much as possible

Taliesin embodies his PCs so beautifully every time and brat-with-a-heart-of-gold-maybe-literally? Ashton is everything. i just think! they should get to roughouse sometimes with zero consequences! and play and wrestle and tickle! And speaking of-

lee!Dorian supremacy

i feel like Ashton is kind of in best-behavior mode with the group, but i’m very excited for when they all get more comfortable with each other and they can start trading snark with Imogen bc i think they’d both be very good at it! and every character Laura makes is a terrifying ler in a different way and i think Ashton should have to deal with that

your fic with Laudna getting gentle tickles is so precious and gave me ideas about Ashton helping her get all her bones back into place after battle and not-so-accidentally tickling

“Fearne’s idea of play might sometimes involve setting you on fire” well it’s a good thing barbarians are resistant to lots of damage types :)))

Orym and Chetney! Are very hard! Kind of in the same way it’s hard to write Fjord in C2 because they’re all kind of self-contained and have their problems under control for the moment and so it’s a little harder to make them play well with others, i think. i can maybe see Orym and Ashton brawling when they need to let some steam off and helping patch each other up after and both feeling a little bad about it and play wrestling a bit as a result? And Chetney i see a bit more as a “you’ve been making snarky comments for weeks and i’ve been storing all of that up to tickle the shit out of you in revenge” ler.

i need someone to write a fic about FCG (automaton) and Ashton (a rock with nerve endings) figuring out physical affection and being bad at asking for things that they want. it doesn’t even have to have tickling in it i just want to read it

#critical role #asks #headcanons

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n0brainjustvibes · 8 months

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ohand my other cojum dip song assignment: contessa.

long post warning (again)

Stars when you shine, know how we feel Rounding precisely in fractals surreal Stars when you dream ends to a mean Columned between... (Columned between...)

I am NOT shutting up about this w/r/t Entities. Fortuna as a child, begging the universe for some empathy, for some grace. Fractals surreal... Shards, man, Shards! "Stars when you dream / ends to a mean"... if you're taking "stars" as shards/Entities, yeah, this is basically her power.

Well, her power is means to an end.

But consider (and yes, I lifted this beat-for-beat out of the Dovewing and Ivypool AMV I had for this in my mind)... ends as the Entities' goals, maybe symbolised by stars, by the star-shower of falling Shards that ruined Fortuna's home... pan down to Fortuna/Contessa, their pawn, their mean.

Wound in a spring, caught in a lie Moses might plan things so he wouldn’t die Bound by a steer starboard to port Why wouldn't I... (Why wouldn't I... )

I just... yeah. Yeah. She's caught in the spiral of the Cycle, she knows it, knows that she's part of it and yet devotes her life to resisting; she's caught in the lie of Cauldron, the white lies they tell their recruits, the gloves that hide the blood on her hands, all of it... "bound by a steer, starboard to port" what is that if not an inescapable (because she cannot justify the cost of escape; because there is no other way to save humanity) rigid Path?

Oh, what a beautiful vision in time With a meaningful range of expression in rhyme

Oh, what a moving expansion of space With a meaningful range of repression in grace

This won't make total sense until you've listened, but the second set of lines is much more nihilistic, both in tone/background music and in lyrics. "Moving" could be interpreted to mean impactful, but I like to think of "a moving expansion of space" as simply a literal depiction - the singer is so detached from the universe that he no longer sees beauty in it - couched in the irony of the fact that it COULD be interpreted as appreciative. If you squint, the tone is derisive here, the singer mocking his optimistic past self. See the second line, too; singer now considers repression more meaningful, more present and real, than (artistic) expression.

I've previously interpreted this progression as becoming disillusioned with the act of creation, feeling that none of your art matters; here I would characterise it as becoming disillusioned with her goals, and the means she must resort to to achieve them. Questioning whether it was even worth saving the multiverse, especially at the cost it took. Kind of asking herself the question she asks Taylor. Also, just, depression.

And I figure that the surreal, jumbled bit inbetween works well for Cauldron - their day-to-day chaos of jumping between dimensions, for a start.

#contessa #banger tunes for my blorbos #Spotify

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