#listen it could have been worse

[i-can-even-burn-salad]

Game Over (Cedric) - Part 3

Nuisance

Look at that! Santa brought a dead dove :)

Warnings: Gore, including hand gore and impalement, torture/violence/beating, restraints, homophobia, misogyny, all kinds of crude language, major character death, public execution (hanging), self inflicted injuries to get out of restraints and do a little murder

Oh, also filling one of my BTHB prompts with this: Taking you with me.

Previous | Masterlist

Lying on his back, Cedric stared up at the ceiling, where the small slit was that pretended to be a window. It was invisible in the darkness of the night. How much longer would the night last? How long until dawn? How long did he still have to live?

The moment the sun rose, they were going to get him, to lead him to his execution. 

The trial had been all but a farce. He hadn’t said a single word. Not as they had taken his clothes and given him a plain linen shirt and pants instead, to look presentable in front of the queen. Not as they had announced his name and rattled off a list of his alleged crimes. Most of the accusations had been true. A few hadn’t, but even if he would have been able to convince anyone of his innocence, it wouldn’t have been enough to save him.

He had said nothing as they had announced his sentence—to be publicly hanged in three days. And he had said nothing as Smith had led him back to his cell, his fucking smirk even more insufferable than usual. Cedric had ignored his taunting words and gestures. He had known this was how it was going to end, from the moment they had dragged him away in chains.

Realizing that the faintest outline of the window had become visible, Cedric felt his heartbeat pick up. No matter how much he told himself he was ready for it, knowing that he was going to die made his muscles lock up and his stomach turn. He tried to breathe calmly and deeply—as calmly and deeply as possible with a bunch of broken ribs, and a body that seemed to consist of nothing but bruises.

While he watched the light outside the cell grow brighter by the second, his thoughts wandered to Laurent. He had only caught a short glance at him while he had been dragged to the courtroom. Sitting in the cell furthest away from Cedric, his old friend hadn’t looked much better than him. No one had told him Laurent’s verdict, but it was futile to hope that they hadn’t found him guilty as well. That they wouldn’t hang him as well.

When the sun had risen high enough to tint the sky outside his window pale yellow, they came to get him, Smith announcing cheerfully, “It’s time to go.” Cedric didn’t do him the favor of reacting to it, but he also didn’t resist as they reached for him. There was no point. 

They removed the shackle around his left wrist, leaving only the one on the right. Morlit was expensive, and no one left any more of it than necessary on what would soon be a dead body, kept up as a deterrent for a few days. 

With his hands bound behind his back with coarse rope, they dragged him out of his cell and through the dim tunnels of the prison, into a waiting carriage. Laurent’s cell was empty, but so was the carriage. Only one guard entered with Cedric, sitting on the opposite side of the bench. Wherever Laurent was, it was clear that even the small comfort of a few last words was something they would deny them. 

With the curtains tightly closed, Cedric couldn’t even stare out of the window, to catch a last glimpse of the city that had been his home for over two decades now. He leaned back, resigned to his fate, when his fingers touched something. A nail, or a splinter perhaps, sharp enough to prick his finger as he felt for it. Cedric shifted, so he could rub the rope against it, fraying it fiber by fiber.

When his ties were almost cut, he stopped. He carefully grasped two ends before severing the last strand, making sure to hold them tight, to make it seem like he was still bound. There was no point in freeing himself; not here, not now. It was equally unlikely there would come a better opportunity, but it wasn’t like he had anything to lose by trying.

Way too soon they arrived at their destination. The carriage stopped and he was ordered to get out. Someone shoved him in the back, impatient with how long it took him to climb down the steps—or maybe merely to be cruel. Cedric fell to his knees, clenching his fingers around the ends of the rope, forcing his hands to stay behind his back.

“You. And you. Get him up there. We don’t have all day.”

Two men grabbed his arms, pulling him to his feet and towards the gallows. The view filled Cedric with enough dread to almost forget the searing pain in his shoulder. He walked up the wooden scaffold as if in trance, leaning heavily on the guards at his side. He was long past caring about the pain in his ankle, but his leg refused to carry his weight. Luckily, he had decided not to touch last night’s meal. He was sure he would have thrown it all up again. As it was, he managed to swallow the rising bile and appear calm, at least outwardly.

Laurent was already waiting. He was wearing the same plain clothes as Cedric, looking more like a dirty, bloodstained bag than anything. The bruises were harder to see on his dark skin, but there was no doubt Smith had paid Laurent a few more visits as well. Despite his hands being bound behind his back, he kept his posture straight, but Cedric knew him. He recognized the fear in his gaze, saw the hard line of his jaw and the way his hands shook.

More than anything, he wished he could at least have saved his friend. Why did they catch you? he wondered, as he had so often during those past days. Why didn’t you run?

It was an answer he would never get now. In a moment, it wouldn’t matter anymore, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Freeing his hands was useless, as long as there was morlit on his skin. He couldn’t use his magic, and was too weak to fight, even if he would ever have had a chance against half a dozen armed guards.

When a guard stepped between them, to put the rope around Laurent’s neck, Cedric thought back to the young man he had met so many years ago. How the three of them—Yvan as well—had been traveling with a trading caravan, and how they had decided to stay in contact after arriving at their destination. For half of their lives they had been friends, Laurent, Yvan and him. He remembered countless nights, some drunken, some sober. He remembered starting from nothing, him with his antique store, Laurent at the bottom of Caldeia’s biggest trading guild. He remembered the first time their talks about ‘what ifs’ had turned into reality, using his magic to steal and Laurent’s contacts to sell.

The guard walked away, and for one short moment time stood still as Cedric met Laurent’s gaze. There was no accusation in Laurent’s eyes. The rope pressed against his throat as he swallowed. He nodded. Cedric returned the gesture. An apology. A farewell. A thank you for all the years, my friend.

Cedric averted his eyes as one of the guards reached for the lever. The sound of the wood falling away and the rope pulling taut sent a shiver down his spine. The sound of choppy movements that followed was worse. 

Fucking sadistic assholes, not even having the decency to break his neck.

Cedric stared straight ahead, tears burning in his eyes, his gaze fixed somewhere above the heads of the people watching. It was early in the morning, so the square wasn’t filled, no matter how much of a spectacle this was. Some people cheered. Others stood silently in adequate horror. 

He couldn’t look at Laurent, and he couldn’t stop himself from looking. Without moving his head, Cedric let his gaze flick to the side, again and again. Watching for a moment only, before it became unbearable, before the nausea threatened to overwhelm him. Catching glimpse after glimpse of Laurent’s desperate struggle, of his body twitching and squirming, slowly running out of air and strength.

Then something else made Cedric’s blood run cold.

It was two familiar faces he spotted almost at the same time. One was Merridy. With her hair in a ponytail and wearing dark, plain clothes, she blended into the masses. She was standing close enough he could see the tears on her face, but not so close as to raise suspicion. 

The other was Marc.

The moment their gazes met, Marc grinned. He raised his hand to a mocking salute, ending the gesture with grabbing his throat, eyes rolled back. This fucking piece of shit must have been the traitor. It made sense; during the three evenings he had been invited, Laurent had been the only one present from the darker side of business. Laurent and Merridy, but Marc’s outrageous assumption that she had been his affair rather than a friend or even business partner might be what had saved her from getting arrested. In a stroke of luck, it would have confirmed Cedric’s own claims.

That didn’t mean she was safe from Marc, though. Cedric’s heart beat up to his throat in helpless panic as Marc started to walk towards her. Gods knew what he would do to her once Cedric couldn’t protect her anymore.

Someone stepped next to Cedric, standing uncomfortably close, resting a hand on his neck. When the man brought his mouth next to his ear, he recognized Smith’s voice.

“I made sure yours is even shorter.”

Cedric didn’t think. He let go of the rope, and of the pretense that he was still bound. He punched Smith in the gut, followed up by an elbow to the face. Holding onto the handle of Smith’s sword, Cedric shoved him away, towards the edge of the scaffold. Kicking the guard’s thighs felt like grinding bones in Cedric’s ankle, but it was enough to send Smith falling backwards, off the scaffold. 

Cedric grabbed the sword as tightly as he could, swallowing. People were staring in shock—some of the spectators screaming and running, the guards reaching for their weapons, but not approaching him yet. He had mere seconds, if anything.

He sank to his knees, shaking his torso so his fucking useless right arm swung in front of him. The moment it dropped to the planks, he brought down the sword on it. He knew he wouldn’t make it through the bones of his arm, but he might be able to cut off enough of his hand.

Flesh split, revealing splintered bones and quickly welling blood, but he hadn’t managed to cut anything off. Desperation fueled his strength as he raised the sword a second time, bringing it down with more strength than before. Something moved in the corner of his eye. He was running out of time. It had to be enough.

He dropped the sword, grabbing the morlit shackle. It was slick from blood, and so tight. A wave of despair rushed over him when he slid off. He dug his broken fingernails into his skin, trying to get them under the metal, so he could pull.

The nauseating feeling as the morlit band tore against his thumb reached him even through the numbness of his right arm. Cedric felt the bile rise in his throat, but he paid it no attention. He struggled to get the morlit off, dragging it over the partially severed half of his hand. Someone shouted orders. Footsteps on the wooden planks. He pulled one last, desperate time, tearing the shackle free and throwing it away in the same motion. His thumb hung loosely from strips of skin and muscle, blood gushing out of the wound. Too much blood. Cedric’s vision swam as he raised his head, ignoring the dizziness, trying to find the spot where he had seen Merridy.

There she was, looking at him in sheer horror, tears glistening in her eyes. He wished this wouldn’t be the last image of him she’d ever see—none of this—but it couldn’t be helped.

Please let me be strong enough. This one last time.

It was a desperate hope, a silent prayer to a god he had never been sure he believed in. Cedric reached out to the earth, hidden under a layer of cobblestone. Man-cut stones were harder to shape, and he couldn’t waste any time. He grasped the earth, forcing it under his command.

Barely five steps behind Merridy, a pillar of rock shot out of the ground. It caught Marc mid-stride, entering his body at the pelvis and breaking out of his chest in a spray of blood and gore. His face contorted in surprise rather than pain—too sudden of an attack for him to register what had happened before the shock set in. The pillar had lifted him off the ground, his feet hanging in the air, twitching weakly. Blood gathered at the corners of his mouth as his body started to seize, his hands grappling uselessly at his chest. 

The moment someone stepped next to Cedric, he let the middle of the pillar shatter. A dozen shards or more, sharp as knives, piercing Marc from the inside. Some might have severed his spine; he folded backwards like an old, well read book, blood flowing out of his mouth and nose. The movement of his legs stilled and his arms dropped, but his body still twitched.

Before the light in Marc’s eyes had fully faded, pain exploded in Cedric’s side. The backlash of his magic was like an ice pick, being driven straight into his skull. Cedric screamed, then retched, clutching his head with his good hand, as if that could stop it from breaking apart. His panicked heartbeat and the cold creeping into his limbs told him that he had been badly injured, but it took a moment for the pain to register in his mind.

When it did, Cedric forced one eye open, looking down on himself. A dagger was sticking out of his torso, below his ribs, rammed into him almost up to the heft. The bit of the blade he could see was black, glistening with blood, and more blood pulsed out next to it with every frantic heartbeat.

The cold of the morlit spread, paralyzing him. With his magic nullified, the guards sprang into action. Hands held him down on his knees. Hands grabbed his arm, twisting it back. Hands put a rope around his neck. It was too tight already, not meant to be fixed while kneeling. It wouldn’t be long enough to break his neck once the trapdoor opened. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing but…

Darkness was eating away at the edges of Cedric’s vision, but he gathered all of his strength, raising his head one last time, exposing his throat for the rope to bite into. Most of the people had fled the square. Only the bravest—or those with more morbid curiosity than sense of self-preservation—remained. It made it easier for him to find the person he was looking for.

Merridy hadn’t moved. She had her hands clasped around the front of her jacket, something she always did when she was nervous or scared. There was no fear in her eyes as she met his gaze, only sorrow. Understanding. After all the times she had been afraid of him, now she wasn’t. 

Please be safe.

Cedric allowed his eyes to fall closed, for the darkness to reach for him. The pain faded into the background, but the cold remained. It made him tremble uncontrollably. When the hands let go of him, he slumped, caught by the rope around his neck. He couldn’t breathe, but the need to do so seemed so far away. Everything seemed so far away. A pressure built in his head, pounding in his temples and behind his eyes. Panic, his body urged, but couldn’t follow up. He had lost too much blood, was still losing too much blood. The pull of unconsciousness was stronger. 

When the trapdoor opened, his mind was already gone.

[ID: The banner shows a broken window, outside which the sun sets behind an iron fence. The sky is bright yellow and orange. The title nuisance is written across it in scribbled looking letters with a orange to yellow to orange gradient. All other images are purely ornamental lines. End ID.]

Tagging: @badthingshappenbingo​

#Nuisance #whump #fantasy whump #gore tw #major character death #torture tw #hand whump #impaling tw #strangulation tw #running out of tws tw #badthingshappenbingo #prompt: taking you with me #fandom: original work #listen it could have been worse #imagine if *gestures vaguely at the end* hadn't worked #:) #my writing

[itsmeatcat]

when ur first hurricane is a cat 4 🥴

#listen it could have been worse #but it also could have been better lmao

[zeb-z]

I dunno, and I haven't read the Ascendency novels to be clear, so I can’t speak of who he was before his exile - but maybe Thrawn accepting Grand Admiral for that shitshow on Batonn sealed his fate. Maybe he wasn't the one to pull the trigger, maybe he was appalled by the needless death - he still took the promotion, even if he didn't want it. The moment he took the rank plate was the moment the blood on his hands became insignificant in the grand scheme of things. The moment where all his intentions begin to be buried by his actions.

Everyone is all about how Thrawn isn't that bad of a guy - and honestly I do agree that his character is misunderstood more often than not - but he still did terrible things with the Empire. Turned a blind eye and condoned much more with silence.

Because the fall of Nightswan and Batonn may not have been his fault - but he accepted the stain when he took his promotion.

For all you try to keep things fair, it doesn't matter if you're working in a system that is instituted to be cruel. And while Thrawn had never claimed to be a good man, and had only joined ultimately for the protection of his own people, there's something to be said of this deterioration of morality. How he doesn't understand politics, but is still shaped by the dangerous and vindictive workings of Imperial political scene, forgoing honesty for station.

Pirates and smugglers turn to insurgents and rebels. Capture turns to execute. He kills to prove a point.

He develops for the worse. For all he shapes the Imperial Navy, it shapes him all the same. I dunno. Complex character and all o that. He’s no scum of the earth true evil, but he’s no shining star either.

#I have not watched rebels I have not read the ascendency novels yet I am in the middle of alliances right now #so bear with me. baby’s first analysis #*flips off sky* for Arihnda Pryce and her hand in all of this (who’s truly to blame for Batonn) #like listen. he’s a bad guy! but he’s not a bad guy #like yeah. my man is almost court martialed for when he saves innocents over imperial resources #but also he climbs the rank by doing good for the empire. like that’s a net negative #true he may hold loyalty to his people and not the empire. but it’s not about loyalty it’s about morality #you can commit treason to the empire and still not have been a good guy. yknow #i dunno. Thrawn is better than he could be but worse than apologists say I guess is the point. #and maybe there’s something to be said about how this happens once Eli Vanto leaves. his one true friend. i think that’s significant #I’m just thinking ok #like. a good imperial is still an imperial!!!! that’s all #ahsoka better do this motherfucker justice I swear to god #Thrawn #thrawn trilogy #grand admiral thrawn #Star Wars rebels #sw #Star Wars #z speaks

[shadeswift99]

Anybody else notice how the Entity is getting not only more complex with every update, but also more and more alive? To the extent that it can now get up and walk? To the extent of implied organs, implied magic? And meanwhile, coincidentally, Grian seems to be losing his sense for his own durability. Stood right there and took a hit from a trident thrown straight up, expecting to live, but didn’t. The surprise in his voice when Keralis was able to take him out in one punch. Having less health than he expected to have is becoming a trend...except for that time in front of the Rift.

“...I didn’t die?”

You know. The last near-death incident before the over-estimations started happening.

Debt is a powerful, powerful thing. Perhaps the Rift, and the Entity it spawned, know that. Perhaps that loan of life to Grian was the permission they needed to start taking back their due - slowly, of course, so that he never quite notices.

Slowly, of course, one sip of life at a time, so that the thing at the other end of the straw can feed in steady peace. Because debt and deals might rule the eldritch, but equivalent exchange rules nature, and the Entity is above all else both. Life cannot simply spring from nothing, not without cause, not without fuel. Grian is the reservoir of life that the Entity is pulling from. As it grows, he depletes.

Maybe the Rift is a conduit, the pipe for the transfer to take place - or maybe it’s the mastermind, or an impassive observer, or hey, maybe it’s just a coincidental tear like any other tear. Randomness is a law of nature too. But the idea that the Entity’s growth will be capped by how much life and power is left to be pulled from Grian is terrifying in MULTIPLE ways and I’ll be turning it over in my brain for the rest of the day at least

#Grian #the Entity #Hermitcraft #''So did Grian completely forget about the cliffhanger from two episodes ago or did he just troll us all by not giving any answers?' #< sentences thought before disaster #the disaster being This Idea #listen #am I stringing together several unconnected coincidences that were almost certainly not intentionally implying anything? yes #should you be even a little bit surprised by that if you have been following this blog for more than a couple months? No #Absolutely The Fuck Not dlfkjsdls #I don't care if it's anything close to what's happening really but it's PLAUSIBLE and that's TERRIFYING #terrifying in the best way #because just. imagine #I'm not usually a non-human Grian headcanoner but ik a lot of people think he's got some vast wells of unused power #and just. the /consequences/ of some parasitic otherworldly Entity choosing that person out of everyone to feed on #could it smell the life that saturated Grian? the power? or was it just coincidence? #/how much bigger will it grow with that as a source to feed on?/ #and in a non-magical Grian scenario it really only gets WORSE #because how long can one human being hold out as the sole source of nourishment for a Thing like that? #is it like a blood donation where the life it takes from Grian will regenerate slowly over time? #leaving him exhausted and weakened but too gradually to notice? just gradually enough to adapt to without thinking? #is that why the Entity is doing this slowly? as a strategy? #....will its patience for strategy run out as the end to its means draws near? #man. man. I love what Grian is doing this season #I've been too exhausted myself to have many writing ideas lately but this is giving me more than I've had in ages #oh ah. also #tw horror #tw parasite #ik there are some people squicked out by the Entity in general so let me know if I've missed any tags for that #but I personally am having the time of my life right now

[chiropteracupola]

our soft little guy whose full name is technically ....alyosha hobbitovich karamozov.

#hobbit the cat #miranda cytocutie asked about it and I felt like I had to explain. #it was a terrible incident of my father's recurring russian literature interest that happened to occur while we were filling out paperwork #about what the cat should be named... and now we have an incredibly beautiful cat with this ridiculous moniker #these phases come around every so often and he'll start doing things like calling the family over to listen to him doing a live reading #of 'the death of ivan ilyich' WHILE in the swimming pool. but hey well at least we didn't name the cat while he's been into kombucha #it could have been even worse

[donicosplay]

I think my sister is on Spotify since my song got skipped and then paused if anyone needs me I will be under my covers pretending that it didn’t happen

#I was listening to faster and harder by 6arelyhuman #and then it skipped to big fun from Heathers #nothing was even playing when I got on I made sure to wait a few seconds before I started playing anything #this is what happens when you and your sister share a Spotify account #at least it wasn’t worse #it could have been a girl in red song and then I would have possibly been outed

[karinyosa]

listen i can’t prove that asp bloggers by and large seem to know brinker was based on gore vidal now because of me but brother i will say it was not like that back when there were like 4 asp blogs and all the fanart was anime

#you may be thinking. well there are basically 4 asp blogs now #THINK AGAIN!!!! it used to be so much worse. #it feels like there are more people consistently posting about it now #and a lot more art (MUTUALS!!! <33) #like there was an art DROUGHT #it used to be that every time you looked at the tag the same posts would be up at the top and like #it’s still sorta like that but allllll the posts i could never escape have been buried into obscurity #because there’s so much new stuff #i used to be like haha there are 5 people in this fandom or whatever #BUT THAT NO LONGER FEELS TRUE #i used to tell everyone who would listen about the gore vidal thing kehskwhskwhdjwhs #it was such a novelty to me at the time i read asp that queercoding could be so like. complete or comprehensive and also supported by #like authors and academic institutions and most importantly a tumblr fandom sksjsk #so an openly queer man being associated w my fav book whose gayness i was mentally going to bat for was craaaazzzyyy to my #middle school brain #even though i didn’t really know anything about him except for a few anecdotes at the time. brother. how things have changed #oh my god and the fact that there is/was an asp gimmick blog??? asp-quotes??? my god middle school me would’ve died #im still writing the same fucking fanfic that ms me daydreamed about finishing though. god #anyway hopefully this post isn’t. ANNNOYIINNGGG but it’s crazy to see things change like that from so close a perspective #like the smallness of the asp online community makes it easy to tell for some of these things #i draw a line directly between my younger asp mutuals constantly posting art to the influx of other asp content #in my memory one followed the other #fucking anyway. write a memoir dipshit #me.txt #a separate peace #if it is because of me that’s very funnyynbgncb #OH AND IT’S IN POLLS NOW TOO #crazy

[oatbugs]

idk how to live so im going to talk to myself out loud until i do

#listen. take a deep breath. i know your bpm is high but you need to think with me for a second. #remember that you are paper thin. all your facets are sheets of paper and what you gave her is just another one. #make a new one. you dont need it. you dont need her to see you. i know you think you need her but you will be okay. i know its hard. #you wish you could have shown her how you loved her. listen to yourself. you are made of paper. #she might be concrete or maybe wood or maybe gold. you need to start laying your roots elsewhere. shut that thought down #and blink and listen. the parts you keep thinking of arent lost. they still happened and they are yours to keep. #there is beauty in this loss. tell me about the beauty in this loss. its okay to think about it. you got to see it all and nothing more #and this is great because it would have been bad. you know it would be violent in a way you dont need. you know this to be true. #you are going to look at that empty space in her shape and youre going to fill it with everything that happened when you knew her. #the memories with her but then also the the way your friends talked you through it. the game with the clovers. #your first allergic reaction you almost died and you couldnt stop laughing and you were held so close to their hearts. #learning the names for all the floursecent gene tracking dyes that everyone else knows already. about the exam - listen again. #i know you think if you fail your life is over but you need to try your best. youre not going to get a good grade in a uni test for the fir #youre going to make up for it. youre going to make sure you make up for it. do you understand? i love you. you have to do this. #right now you need to sit up. breathe. i know your heart hurts. go to the living room. grab something to eat. i dont care if you feel full. #youre going to clean your mattress heater. youre going to study a bit longer and then youre going to sleep. youre going to tell your mother #im sorry and i might genuinely fail a test. shes going to tell you its okay. if you do badly in this course you can just become a neurosurg #just agree. dont argue right now. its okay. youre okay. you are paper thin. i know any puncture hurts. #breathe. think of your friends. think of their hands in yours. it isnt eternal.youve lived through worse. the empty sky is still beautiful. #the lack of her is still beautiful

[bklynmusicnerd]

People being concerned about Charlotte is so funny to me because she's a Cassadine, she'll be fine. That girl could flatline and she'll still be fine. This near death experience is just a part of the Cassadine coming of age experience.

People should be more concerned about Valentin, who will almost definitely dehydrate himself from all the crying he's about to do over how badly he handled this entire situation.

#general hospital #charlotte cassadine #valentin cassadine #charlotte said 'im here to serve gothic soapy fun' and i respect her for that 😌 #everybody was mad at nik for fake stabbing spencer but listen...it could have been worse!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload? #me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃 #listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook #i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort #to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop #being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol #i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like #let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and #make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works #ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil #ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations #bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess #its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively #health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by #medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary. #like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think #of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf #my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its #bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror #when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the #most me coded character to ever exist #unrelated

[aro-ortega]

i think it would be funny if in the future daniel + julia try to convince sasja to give polyamory/them as a throuple a shot

#like a reversal of step talking them into a being a triad in retri #been a while since ive played and definitely since ive played a chargeflystep run so. not confident in my memory #i just thknk it would be neat ! funny ! #sasja still hates julia but. she knows now. and he knows that she knows. and thats not the reason she didnt save him #he still hates her for that hates her for leaving him. but. he also knows now that hes done much worse so. shrug #and in some runs he does accidentally drug-addledly confess to still being in love w her #and ! hes going to therapy and he does take it serious ! he can be difficult and lash out but. he does listen to what finch has to say #(and is willing to Work on things and like. have therapy Homework post retri) #and he wants. he doesnt want to be this (terror) anymore. he went to far he can see that now daniel made him see that. he wants to be. #something. better ? less murderous. less violent ig. i think he just doesnt want to hurt daniel again but. theres lots that could hurt him #anyway ! all that to also say - daniel is (supposedly) very perceptive and even tho hes not in the room when sasja confesses to julia #i dont think it would be hard for him to figure out that sasja misses julia (he still hangs out with her. even tho hes told her to fuck off #fuck off a thousand times) and ? maybe he would see or feel that theres still something there between them and #and idk. maybe daniel and ortega talk. maybe sasja and his romantic past w julia comes up. maybe ortega is like. it is what it is hes #hes clearly in love with you anyway so... but ? maybe...... #idk ! im tired ! forgot where im going w this. idk how they get there but. maybe the float the idea by sasja. see if he would be willing to #to give julia another shot #(this came about bc i was thinking about how its funny that he + milo (+ vanya) are polyamorous but while milo #milo is dating as many people as she can sasja is just dating one person rn. i just think the contrast is funny) #sasja x daniel x julia #sasja jespersen #op #fh #sasja x julia #sasja x daniel

[sidesteppostinghours]

9 and 25 for all of them !! :)

evening gideon!! thank you for the ask :]

9. Do you have a specific lyric or quote which you associate with your OC?

ok. so. the thing about me is that i dont actually listen to music all that often??? its mostly when i draw digitally, and im primarily a traditional artist so i dont really know that many songs. i also have shitty memory so its hard for me to remember quotes. aka this is a pretty hard question for me to answer, but i will try my best:

Caine-"Oh, captain, make up your mind/Before the salt burns your eyes and you run out of time/'Cause you're popping the cork, you get lost in your brain/And you lose touch with all the things that made you feel sane" - Ship in a Bottle (fin)

honestly ive never really associated this song with him before but i looked into the lyrics just to see whether it had anything i could think of them with and theres??? actually a bunch of lyrics there that fit???? like to the point i was struggling to decide which one to use for this. but i think this one, the second chorus, really encapsulates the biggest parts of their character. hes the decision maker out of all my steps, the one that knows how to make the logical choices and think his way out of a problem. but hes on a time limit. he doesn't know when it will end, just that it will at some point, and they cant stop if they want everything done in time. also sight and eyes is something i associate caine with a lot, especially closing your eyes/refusing to see. "you get lost in your brain/and you lose touch with all the things that made you feel sane." COUGHS. coughs. caine has the most gates open out of all my steps. i also fully intend to make them the source of hb 2.0. yeah.

Cyrus- HE WAS THE ONLY ONE I THOUGHT OF AN ANSWER FOR STRAIGHT AWAY AND I SPRINTED TO HIS TAG JUST TO FIND THE POST

look him in the eyes and say this to his face. he will look like he got hit by a freight train.

Cecilia- another quote!

im just gonna go ahead and put my own tags to this one because thats where i put it best:

#thinking about this again with ceci#the best part is the bullet hole#like yeah shes not ready to face the fact that everything shes been doing up till now#was just to distract herself from the absolute misery life became after heartbreak#she has FRIENDS she has people she CARES about and they even seem to like her back!!!!#she even has a girlfriend!#isnt that enough?#tell her thats enough#cecilia rider

theres a reason shes a thrill seeker yall.

Cynthia- "I swear, I'm so fucking sorry/I'm not a good person, I'm barely a person at all/But someday I'll be perfect, and I'll make up for it all" - Against the Kitchen Floor (Will Wood)

uh. *looks at cynthias relationship with ortega* uhhhh. *looks at cynthias relationship with sidestep*. uhhhhhhhh.

this song was also difficult to choose lyrics out of, but there is just something so special about girls who simply have to be the best they can to make up for the sin of being. there is something equally as special about girls who take their past selves as judge, and their lover as executioner. also "im not a good person, im barely a person at all" kills me. the regene flavouring on that line??? utterly insane of mr wood to make a song just for her.

25. What is your favorite thing about your OC?

THESE BITCHES ARE SO CONTRADICTORY!!! THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING CLASHING ABOUT THESE FUCKERS AND ITS DELICIOUS. not even just trait wise, but with their themes? their core ideals? their relationships???? its always some sort of fucking fundamental difference shaping the way they act and i am Obsessed with it. also all of them are dangerous and it makes me vibrate a little bit. rangers you are so lucky that none of them are interested in leaning into being a full blown villain. but this question is,,, also difficult to answer because idk how to pick just one favourite lmfao. i will attempt it though.

Caine- he is the normalest guy around. there is also something Deeply Wrong with him. my favourite thing about caine would probably be how fun it is to dive into his psyche! ill often have times where i get bored of them and wonder why i got so interested in the first place, and then i get hit with another round of it and i remember "oh right! its because hes insane." his whole character revolves around what is going on inside their brain, from their high subterfuge to their connection with heartbreak and his relationship with the puppet. theyre the most fun to play with in their mind.

Cyrus- god. my favourite thing about him is a tie between his stubbornness and his surprisingly strong sense of empathy. both of those were the things keeping him from becoming a villain in the first place, and now its whats stopping him from going back to being a hero. i want him to confront what hes become so bad yall dont understand-

Cecilia- cecilia is just. a breath of fresh air. shes easy and super fun to play, and while she certainly has her moments (i am looking directly at the checkpoint three mortum reveal scene), shes mostly lighthearted fun cruising through the game as nothing more than a silly guy. i think the next game will actually dig into her character more deeply and allow me to showcase the parts of her shed usually keep hidden, but for now im having a good time getting her to kiss argent and embarrass her friends.

Cynthia- somebody come pick her up please before she starts crying in this club. she is crying because of me but lets not talk about that. i think my favourite thing about her is the contrast between her general wimpy sad lovergirl disposition and her revenge scar, and how she chooses to cope with it! because like,,,, it is just so so tasty watching her fumble with the overwhelming emotion, Especially since the emotion is hurting people. she never learned what to do with the anger! she does not want it! she wants to be as kind to other people as possible! "im not a bad dog, i dont know why i bite" etc etc. eventually she might figure it out, but Definitely Not Now lmfao.

questions from here!

#theres a bunch of songs that have the characters vibesTM but picking individual lyrics was so hard #tbh i shouldnt have been surprised that ship in a bottle fits for caine #because i usually associate the song with chen so 💀 #“rangers you are so lucky that none of them are interested in leaning into being a full blown villain” #< LISTEN. i know this sounds like bullshit considering everything about cyrus. but i swear to you he could be so much worse #he acts like a villain because he thinks its the most effective way to go through with his plans #and his general lack of care for the things he does helps facilitate it #seperating himself from sidestep is also a bonus. I PROMISE YOU hes actually more indifferent about villainy than he comes across #THIS TOOK ENTIRELY TOO LONG TO ANSWER IM SORRY #I LITERALLY STARTED THIS LAST NIGHT AND ITS AFTERNOON NOW #thank you for the ask though!! #caine lynzal #cyrus becker #cecilia rider #cynthia garcia #sidestep #fhr #pulp answers #ask game

[gingerbreadmonsters]

girl whose leg bounces so aggressively to the music

#I CANT HELP IT IF THE SONG IS GOOD #the guy at one of the tables opposite me kept giving me weird looks and i couldn't figure out why #i think this might have been it oops #i am also the only person in here now so im not sure if that makes it better or worse #im listening to sugar soaker again and it is genuinely like pouring dopamine directly into my skull #yes the rest of the album is kind of a flop #but come on. THIS SONG #so satisfying #i am cringe but i am free #i am a longtime panic! enjoyer which you could probably guess lol #and i have a lot of good memories associated with their music

[calamarispider]

.

#did i even matter to you? did i ever? do i still? if you see this #you should let me know. i hate the thought that i was nothing at all #even though you hate me. i dont hate you. i really dont. it just feels bad. you just make me feel bad #and upset. i wish things could have gone better #it was inevitable though. and im being dramatic. theres no way to fix this. no way to resolve things #not that i can think of at least #i just wish i could have *some* resolution. an update or something. maybe im just too curious about things that hurt #you probably just talk shit about me. if you talk about me at all #i cant watch videos i used to love. i cant listen to songs i enjoyed. pages of sketches are nothing but a reminder. #ive experienced worse since. but this is the thing that stuck. probably because i was younger? that would make sense #i dont know if you ever cared about me... not really. did you know #every relationship ive been in. the other person has shut me out. avoidance or forgetfulness or attempts at isolation.... im not sure why #its a pattern though. which means it must have something to do with me. im the unchanging variable.you dislike me.or at least i think you do #so surely you can tell me bluntly? #im speaking to air right now. you wont read this. you have no reason to #calamarispeaks #vent #i guess. its more of a letter to someone who will never respond

[sodalite-lite]

Some silly doodles + a cropping of one because I think it's actually good.

#soda draws #I'M SORRY ABOUT THE TROLL SIMONS I PROMISE I HAVE SERIOUS THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS GUY #but back ONTO troll Symeon. which is what I'm going with because y's are cool. the Cancer is just a generic to emphasize that he's a hs tro #troll here and not just some demon. BUT i think he could have a Breath aspect? his game is sort of about change and the 'negative' endings #are about not changing/changing for the worse while the 'positive' ending is about trying to change for the better #i think it would be HILARIOUS if his strife weapon was also his fetch modus. i don't think that can really work but it would be funny to me #'bookkind' was a hilarious proposition thanks Sprite :3 #anyway. journal fetch modus. like Pictionary but worse. i don't think i can think of something funnier #and the 'catch' for the modus is just that he hates using it so much #'sorry about troll simon' *proceeds to talk about troll simon* #i've been listening to a homestuck podcast and my stylus died so i can't work on saelor's reference sheet sooo just make other things troll #i guess!!

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

Duolingo will try and convince you that practicing for a few days when you feel like you can’t take a new lesson yet is a failure, that you aren’t doing as well as you could and “oh no! The ranking”

The owl lies. I have taken three near perfect practice lessons the last three days because I want to make sure I have the stuff I’ve learned seared into my brain better. If i don’t take a week or two for practicing old lessons I’m going to forget how to spell pharmacy in Norwegian and then I’ll fail a future one. You can’t expect me to just learn new words constantly without brushing up on old ones and NOT forget how to spell something or the word for something else, you dumb bitch. This is about me learning how to listen and read, not about how long I can stay in the sapphire league. The notifications about it are super annoying but I can’t shut them off or I’ll forget when I’ve spent the day doing something different than usual and my schedule is thrown off

#emma posts #some nights I think it would be more convenient to just read some of my translation dictionary but that fucking owl doesn’t know I do that #and it will break my streak #I have been keeping up for over 200 days #since I started using the app actually #if that fucking owl says I stopped practicing because I spent a night with my actual dictionary I will execute it like French nobility #I’m weirdly heated about my streak #I guess I could take a Swedish lesson if I really wanted to be lazy but then I mix up spelling! #at least Spanish is so different that i don’t mix up the spelling but I’m so rusty at it and haven’t been focusing on that one #sometimes I wish I was taking in person classes so I could ask questions but then people would see me and I get nervous doing this with #people watching and do worse than when I’m alone #I’m also a little pissed that the app focuses on travel so much because I’m learning the language for something else first but it’s #better than nothing and my alternative is just read dictionaries and look for YouTube videos #why am I so bad at making sentences in other languages? I can listen to people speak with words I’ve learned and get that fast. but making #the sentences MYSELF is so much harder! #and I don’t have anyone to talk to with it anyway #the only guy I can think of is probably dead and I’m not even sure how to contact him anymore