#like. to a lot of people ‘freak’ also just means ‘person who might be autistic or schizophrenic’. the list goes on

[phleb0tomist]

while i’m on this topic. to anyone with “freaks dni” in their bio, do you know the history of the word ‘freak’? do you know that it came into common use because of freakshows, which largely showcased disabled people (specifically physically deformed people) and intersex people? do you know that to a lot of folks, even today, “sexual freak” is a direct synonym for “person who has consensual sex with someone of the same gender”? are you aware of the subjectivity of the word you’re using, and the historical (and current) hatred behind it, and the fact that people cannot read your mind and will not know what random groups of ‘disgusting’ people you’re talking about just from a single broad-purpose word?

#like. to a lot of people ‘freak’ also just means ‘person who might be autistic or schizophrenic’. the list goes on #regardless of what it means to you... these are the definitions that will come to mind for good chunk of the population #i’m sorry this is such a thing for me lol i feel like i talk about dnis nonstop but they’re so revealing of people’s mindsets #txt

[davenweenie]

All the Rats are neurodivergent because I said so. Here as some headcanons that might as well be canon

ND Rats for the win

Leo and Chase are both so autistic, they bond over their nerdy little hyperfixations and it drives Mr Davenport up the walls from the constant chattering of the two

Bree has ADHD that went under the radar for years, it isn’t until they all start going to school and she starts complaining about struggling to focus when Chase tells her that she definitely has ADHD.

Chase has literally diagnosed all the rats with things, he’s the smartest person alive so of course he’ll be able to diagnose people with things. I believe me and Aster came up with this hc but I’m not entirely certain who it was now.

Adam is the classic example of male ADHD, it was caught at a very early age. Davenport always uses it to excuse Adam’s behaviours towards Chase. Adam is always confused about that though because ‘no, I actually meant to punch him, it wasn’t an accident’

Leo is actually AuDHD (unofficial term for a person who is both autistic and has ADHD) which means he never stops running his mouth. Chase grows to appreciate the silences being filled in the lab for once.

Bree never stops moving, often times she’s super speeding whatever stim she’s doing at that time. As a kid she would super jump over and over again until she was physically stopped because the dust she was kicking up would make Chase get itchy and sneezy.

Chase doesn’t stim openly because Mr Davenport once told him he looked like an idiot. (He didn’t actually say idiot, the word actually begins with an R and it’s a slur I refuse to say even though I’m autistic)

Adam really struggles at school, Chase used to make fun of him until he realised that Adam was genuinely really struggling badly. He not tries to help him study and do his homework, sometimes he actually just does his homework if Adam is having a bad day.

Bree is constantly bullied for being the ‘weird’ girl, she tries to fit in by copying outfits she sees in magazines. Adam picks up on it, miraculously, and tells her that she looks really boring now.

Adam matches outfits with Bree to make her feel less self conscious. It helps a lot and Adam actually really likes matching outfits with his sister. Bree really enjoys it too. BRING BACK OUR WONDERFUL WEIRD GIRL BREE. I hate LREF for changing her entire weird girl personality.

Chase genuinely just can’t dress himself. His outfits always clash and he just can’t figure out how to pair things together. Tasha takes him shopping and matched all his outfits for him which helps him get an idea of what matches and what doesn’t. He really loves his new mum. (I cannot say ‘mom’ it genuinely pains me)

Leo introduces Chase to the concept of safe foods when Chase freaked out over the texture of some food in his lunch at school. Chase has so many non-perishable snacks in his locker for days that he’s struggling.

Leo also has so many snacks in his locker, Adam and Bree are always stealing food from both of them.

Chase had a huge meltdown at school when he got overstimulated by all the noise. They had been on a mission the night prior that involved a lot of loud noises from an explosion and school the next day just completely threw him over the edge. His siblings found him huddled in the corner of a janitors closet and that’s when they decided to force Mr Davenport to make Chase some bionic noise cancelling headphones.

Leo is the only person allowed into their capsules, he typically only goes in them if he’s feeling overstimulated because they’re soundproof and noise cancelling. He prefers Chase’s one over Adam and Bree’s because it doesn’t have a strong smell to it. Bree’s one always smells of perfume and Adam’s smells like sweaty teen boy mixed with Lynx body spray. (I recently found out that Lynx is called Axe in the US)

Chase loves physical affection which often gives him imposter syndrome because it makes him think he’s faking being autistic. It isn’t until Leo tells him that he’s the same way that Chase understands how diverse autism is. Of course he knows it’s a spectrum but sometimes he just gets all up in his head about it.

The Rats aren’t really friends with other people. They hang out with each other and don’t stray too far away. They got even more uncomfortable having other friends after the Marcus incident.

Marcus was the first person that didn’t call them weird after their first interaction. Chase was so upset when Marcus betrayed them because he thought someone finally wanted to be his friend. Plus the fact that Marcus nearly killed his brother.

Chase is easily manipulated because he’s autistic. He finds it hard to read people and know if they have ulterior motives.

Adam is very open about having ADHD, Bree mentions it in passing sometimes whereas Chase isn’t very open about being autistic. He was bullied heavily in high school for it and he isn’t prepared for the media to bully him too. At least at school he could escape it when he came home, he doesn’t think he could cope if it was all online 24/7.

Kaz is so excited to find out Chase is autistic, he then very excitedly tells Chase that Oliver is autistic too. Chase is enamoured at how someone is so happy that another person is autistic. It makes him feel really good about himself.

Chase and Kaz get on better than Bree would have expected considering Kaz has ADHD and is very loud. Chase appreciates having someone that understands his sensory issues because Kaz does get it. Kaz will be quiet if he notices Chase is having a hard time dealing with his super senses that day.

The reason Chase loves hanging out in all the labs is because they’re all underground and quiet. Of course there are still some noises that normal people wouldn’t hear but it’s much less than the ones above ground.

This has been very fun to write. Lmk if you want more and of course you can send in ideas or headcanons to discuss.

#lab rats #chase davenport #adam davenport #bree davenport #leo dooley #donald davenport #kaz mighty med #skylar storm #oliver mighty med #kaz lref #oliver lref #chase x kaz #lref #chaz lref #tasha davenport #tasha dooley #donald davenport hate page

[gynandromorph]

It's okay not to answer, I know it's broad territory, but I really respect you as an artist and writer. How do you handle people misinterpreting or missing elements of your work, especially when they may still enjoy it and get something out of it? As an artist I'm struggling lately with knowing my work will always inherently be read differently from what I intended as a matter of the human experience, as well as me being autistic complicating my ability to communicate.

An addition to that last ask. I don't know if it's clear what I'm asking so I'll give some examples. A 50 year old man and a 21 year old woman will get different things from a movie due to their lived experiences. As a gentile reader I might miss jewish narrative themes in a piece of work. That doesn't mean it's bad for us to have experienced it, but as an author I find it frustrating when something is missed or misinterpreted, and I don't know how not to be a control freak about it.

i feel you, i have ocpd and being misinterpreted when i agonized and stressed about how to present my wording makes me want to light myself on fire and it's something i'm working on. writers are supposed to expect and account for different perspectives ahead of time, so it always sort of shocks me when i hear interpretations i wouldn't have thought about at all. i know logically i can't predict all outcomes, but it's still surprising anyway!!! but i generally feel a lot of distress about being misinterpreted because i'm afraid it'll label me as A Bad Person, so i think that's where the experience diverges. maybe investigating why you need to or want to control the way your work is interpreted would help as a starting point? i think having a larger audience helps, too... it means more people will misinterpret your work, but it also means you're more likely to have at least One Guy who interprets it just right and makes fireworks go off in your brain, but there's no way to control how big your audience is!

anyway, the ways to control how your work is interpreted, to the degree that you can:

you can make it simpler. the more parts a story has added to its complexity, the more it's going to be misinterpreted.

you can make the intended message more blatant. you can have a character say exactly what you want the audience to think or hear, or something very close to it. don't want a detail missed? make it bigger.

you can reprioritize parts of the story. basically think of a group of interpretations you want the audience to have if you can, and then put them in order of importance. then the story has a hierarchy to lean on wrt artistic decisions.

you can give the story multiple meanings. more targets to hit. if they're mutually exclusive, i find this works better... i like making my stories ambiguous with conflicting interpretations a lot. yeah, people are going to interpret the story wrong, because it was made in a way that will guarantee it is interpreted wrong in some way.

you can layer the meaning so that less literate audience members will at least get SOME of what you intended. basically, close to the previous strategy, but like a hybrid of that and "make it simpler" imo because you're constructing multiple interpretations that are all supposed to lead to one conclusion (like a persuasive essay or something), but can act as an adequate conclusion on their own.

all of these options have obvious qualitative losses. if you have anything in particular that is repeatedly misinterpreted or missed, it's a good idea to think about Why you're making those choices. consciously committing to a higher-risk artistic choice will help you feel more in control of what happens to it once it's done. the way your art is interpreted isn't totally out of your control, you are making decisions that add to or mitigate the risk of misinterpretations, and you can bring those choices to a more conscious awareness to see them and appreciate them. sometimes it'll feel like a begrudging compromise, but it'll still be Your choice ultimately.

on an emotional level... hopefully this makes sense. there's always going to be the piss-on-the-poor scenario and sometimes i just remind myself that some people are not as literate as me, but it's great we were still able to connect through a work that was probably difficult for them!!! it was a privilege to get to grow up with a good education, access to art and technology, strangers who want to look at what i made, and there are times where i take this for granted, and my expectations of readers are actually kind of unreasonable!!! some people are younger than me and say stupid things like i did, but they aren't able to understand things like me yet, and it's important for them to learn by figuring it out on their own!!! i was and will always be That Guy to other artists and other writers, and i want to give other people the same grace as i get. some people have wildly different life experiences compared to mine, and these experiences can be much more nuanced than i could ever imagine, but it's a little gift that they made my world larger by sharing theirs through my art!!! it's terrifying and embarrassing knowing that i don't know much of anything, even about something i have total control over, but the consequences of that aren't always negative. and possibly the saddest but most common way i deal with this is nothing more than accepting that no one is ever going to understand me on the level that i want to be understood. sometimes my frustration has come from a place of miserable alienation, where the need to feel Seen can be quite desperate. i've made art explicitly about Me, and i've made art deliberately hostile towards its audience, art that's said they don't get it and they never will, but they still bothered to try. i made a game that said no one will win here and they still played it with me, and i can appreciate that. in many cases, they actually know more about me than i know about them. but more importantly, it isn't my audience's job to take care of that emotional need -- in fact, as much as art is made out to be a mode of pure self-expression, i don't think they can. it's a reality that i don't like, but i accept it. art made to benefit others is a one-way mirror: you make them feel seen, but they should never see you, because if they see you, the mirror isn't working.

[stardustcleaningguy]

ok im back to rant abt more saverem twins autism things :P

in my last post (which if you havent seen, was me reblogging @dragons1re ‘s post about the plant powers as a metaphor for autism/autistic traits) i didnt really go into much detail about knives because i was a little too focussed in the fact there is another autistic vash truther out there .. but im gonna talk abt knives now.

like i said before i dont necessarily think that knives has enough control over his outbursts to really be completely proud of them, but also when you are the person known for having regular outbursts and are considered ‘dangerous’ or ‘weird’ by neurotypical society, it begins to become a part of how you view yourself as a person (or at least thats how it was for me as a kid - a lot of my autism hcs are based directly off my own experiences). i mean this in the way that once you have that impression established of you - that you are strange and offputting and scary - its very hard to overcome the perception of others and seem ‘normal’ and so you just kinda give up, and accept your role.

this is how knives’ behaviour appears to me, from an early age people have this perception that hes hard to deal with and has big outbursts of emotion which he struggles to control - and even when he DOES learn more ways to control it, he still refuses to mask because hes continuing to play into the general perception of him by neurotypical (aka human) society. he lets his emotions control him because he doesnt see any point in masking - i mean what would it change if he did try and act normal? the humans already know hes a dangerous monster freak right? i was only able to change from this mindset because my environment and the people around me changed but because of the magnitude of knives’ actions hes unable to do this - until the very end when he finds humans that dont just see him as a dangerous creature but an actual person who just wants safety for him and his brother (but then he gets appled so …)

also im not really saying that knives thinks of himself as a monster, he just knows that humans have that impression of him and instead of trying way too hard to appear normal like vash, he leans more into the role of ‘weird dangerous monster’. hes super scared of humans (the same way an autistic person may become fearful of neutotypical society because of the way they have been treated within it) so thats another reason why he has this whole im super dangerous and evil thing going on even though he spends most of his time napping. top 10 people comitted to the bit

idk this rant MIGHT have gotten a little too tangent-y and i MIGHT be projecting onto knives just a teensy little bit but it was fun to write so wuteva !!!!!!!! (also all of this is specifically discussing trigun maximum - i luuuuv maximum)

#autistic saverem twins truthers if your out there … #this was mainly just to get things outta my system bc i was thinking abt this all night #SORRY fkr so many rants #trigun #trigun maximum #millions knives

[trans-eddie]

both "eddie munson is sexually experienced and suave and really good in bed and knows what he is doing" and the "eddie munson is a lame dork loser nobody likes and obviously has to be a virgin because there's probably no way he's ever kissed anybody" are both like. fundamentally incorrect with the information we are given about him.

first and foremost: he is coded sexually, if we are interpreting him as queercoded. the hanky code, the handcuffs, those are not just "gay signals," they communicate s&m top. that's a pretty bold (and almost impossible) statement to make for someone who exists pre-internet, if he has no experience. that's not readily available knowledge to someone who is not on the scene and actively picking it up.

BUT we also have to consider: he is very young, still in high school, and socially rejected.

important to note though, examining his behavior, he is not socially awkward. awkwardness to me implies a level of unintentional clashing with social rules, and eddie very specifically seems to clash on purpose. he knows what he's doing and that's why he's doing it. it's part of the "rebel" design of his character; he knows the social rules, and that's why he's able to say "fuck them." that's also why he can pull it off without most people cringing over it, because, speaking as an autistic person, if actually socially awkward people (like autistic ppl) do half of what eddie did, it would instantly cause mockery. but eddie conveys disdain for the rules and social conventions, not unawareness, so he can pull off that behavior in a way that makes the audience like him.

which means reasonably (as we are shown) he would mesh INCREDIBLY well with other people like him. nerds, rejects, outcasts, other metalheads, etc. the kids latch onto him quite a lot for someone who is supposed to be socially awkward, because he isn't. he IS charming and magnetic and inspiring....to a select sub group of people.

part of his queer coding IS his social reject status. which literally means other queer people are likely to connect well with him, because they are also going to be socially rejected. and eddie DOES display a level of aptitude when it suits him (like how easily he made chrissy feel comfortable using the exact same overdramatic "socially awkward" behavior and seemed to know it would work.)

in fact, chrissy actually mentions that she thought he would be "mean and scary," which is based more on assumptions made bc of his associations with metal music and d&d, which is also the basis of the cafeteria monolgue; he wasn't seen as a freak for his "dork" behaviors or for being a nerd, like more modern d&d players might. the theme of the season was the satanic panic, and eddie's social reject status was based on everything about him being demonized as evil, not socially awkward. in fact if you observe, he consistently shows very nice and even gentlemanly behaviors, meaning that everyone who percieves him the way they do does it bc of stereotypes and associations, not out of observing his behavior.

the point I'm trying to get at: in a little rural town like hawkins, liklihood is he doesn't have a lot of opportunity or even a decent enough pool of people to choose from; but also he is implied to have some level of sexual experience. i would posit, then, that he has only a little bit, probably just hookups (bc of the nature of flagging,) due to things like the constraints of his age and location. he wouldn't have had much of a shot before becoming an adult because high schoolers were afraid or wary of him, but outside of school where he wouldn't carry that reputation, there would be no reason why he wouldn't succeed.

eddie probably has a level of charm and natural draw and talent that would work pretty effectively on the right people (but not most,) but probably not enough practical experience to actually be knowledgeable.

and i would very easily say its likely he has no romantic experience and probably has never dated before.

but like. the two ends of the spectrum on this take are both easily contradicted by actual canon evidence, so they're getting to be fairly annoying interpretations. he is neither a smooth sex king nor an awkward virgin.

#stranger things #eddie munson

[boy-gender]

Hi! You can answer this publicly or privately, but I figured maybe someone else might have a similar question? I just wanted to ask about your personal reasons for using it/its pronouns.

I ask bc I've come across two different characters, now, in media I enjoy, that use it/its pronouns. And I've enjoyed seeing it! They're both two of my favorite characters in their respective media. And i think im kinda questioning whether or not my excitement for these characters (particularly when pronouns are discussed bc they're both great characters outside of that fact) is just bc it's nice to see representation, even beyond they/them pronouns, or if maybe I should consider it/its for myself? I'm not sure, I just thought hearing other people's experiences could potentially help me figure that out. Thank you for your time!

Happy to answer!

First of all, whatever pronouns you want to use is entirely up to you! Nobody gets to tell you what to use and what not to use, or what to try out and change later if you don't like it. If you feel like you want to try a set of pronouns, try it! If it doesn't jive, just change it again. There is no limit to how many pronouns or labels you can use, try, drop, pick up again, or how many times you change it. If it sounds like it/its makes you happy, go for it, even if it just "just" because of characters you like. There's nothing wrong with being influenced by the stories that are important to you.

My reason for using it is mostly trauma-based. All my life I've felt a significant disconnect from my own body, but I didn't realize I had a dissociative disorder until I was like 24. A combination of child abuse causing the disorder, where I never felt like my body was/is me, just that I'm a thing inhabiting the body, possessing it like a spirit- and also lifelong bullying and ostracizing by my peers both contributed to it. There are many times I don't feel like a man or a woman, or a nonbinary person, or any type of person at all. I was dehumanized; I had my humanity stripped from me, including my gender. Fat autistic weird 'girls' aren't treated like girls, intersex tomboys aren't treated like boys, we're treated like monsters. Like kicked dogs. I existed only to be abused by the people around me- my parents and teachers who were supposed to protect me, and the peers who should have been my friends and community. Freaks don't have genders, those are for people. And I was constantly reminded that I did not count as a person.

I very much associate the bullying I endured with my gender nonconformity. I was an afab intersex person- I was a girl of age like 13 with a moustache and beard growing in. I was fat, and my fat never distributed to the 'desired' places for a girl (also, this was like 2008. There was no 'desired place' for fat on girls). Other kids knew or sensed things were different about me- that I was queer in multiple ways, that I had several mental illnesses, that I was fat and ugly and was friends only with other rejects, meaning nobody gave a shit what happened to us. There would be no one to come to our defense no matter how severely we were harmed. We didn't matter.

When I found out I was a system, it put a lot into perspective. The disconnect from the body, from my identity, from my own memories (which are all in third person) made more sense. My other is not human. At first I assumed the "it-ness" was because of this, but actually he doesn't like to be called it at all. It hurts him. It doesn't fit. The it-ness is from me. It's an expression of the gender experience I was denied, a reclamation of the othering I suffered. I don't count as human. I will never be worth being human, or having typical human experiences. I will never be allowed into the club. But it turns out there are other clubs out here- humanity and the cisgender binary are not the only options. I no longer see my othering as "be human or just die," but as "not human? Cool, come try one of these other myriad things." There are so many more things you can be besides human.

This makes a lot of people uncomfortable. Firstly, good. People should be uncomfortable with the cruelty I endured and the marks it left. People should be uncomfortable that they probably participated in othering people as children, and maybe even still do it as adults, and they should be uncomfortable that society is raising their children to continue to do this. It is, in a way, a little bit like my pronouns being fuck/you, or examine/yourselves. Some of it's shock value, and I like that.

Secondly, the shit I get the most is from other trans people, saying I'm somehow harming the trans community because other people call us "its" as an insult. If someone were to call me a she, that is incorrect, and could be used as an insult- they're misgendering me, they're trying to hurt me. This is not the fault of the word "she" and I'm not going to go up to a trans woman and say "this word hurts me, so you cant use it. No more she/her pronouns for you." We are not all going to have the same comfort level with words. I don't like being called a dyke, but dykes do. Some people don't like being called queer, but lots of us do. Some people don't like being called it, but I do. Either way, I get to decide what I am called, and other people get to decide what they are called, and nobody else gets to veto someone's identity. If someone doesn't like calling me it? Then they don't have to talk to me. If they won't respect my pronouns, they're not any better than people who would call me she or her. I don't need their input or validation.

If you do decide to try out it pronouns, I would say be prepared for backlash, but also don't let it effect you. Block people liberally, joyously even. Don't argue. Don't bother. You do not have to justify who you are. And, consider "soft launching" your pronouns! Maybe tell a couple close friends, or just the internet, and if it goes well, expand to other people, and then other people. Roll it out in stages while you get comfortable and try things and assess. You don't owe anyone a coming out; you can decide if, when, how, and to whom you explain yourself, if you ever do it at all.

As an aside, I want to make a distinction here- I'm not otherkin. I don't say I don't count as human because I am some other type of creature just in a human body this reincarnation. This is not a spiritual belief, or even a psych-kin thing. This is purely a product of trauma, something that was foisted upon me that I am now reclaiming, not something innate to my identity. I don't want people to conflate my experience with that of otherkin and be like "see? you're not really [whatever], you're just traumatized!" I hope people will not use my experience to police other people's identities. I am speaking only for myself.

Hope this helps. If you have any more specific questions, feel free to reach out!

#it pronouns #it its pronouns #pronouns #neopronouns #xenogender #queer #transgender #trans #trans men #trans man #trans masc #transmasc #ftm #og #transblr

[photogirl894]

Why I love the Bad Batch: A deeper analysis nobody asked for 😅😁

I think I’m starting to realize the deeper reasons as to why I love “The Bad Batch” so much...

I mean, there’s the obvious: it’s a good show, the characters are awesome and fun (and certain ones are hot as hell 🥵 Y’all know who I’m talking about), there are a lot of good morals and lessons in each episode, but upon reflection, I’m starting to realize why this show resonates with me so much...and it all comes back to this quote in the Clone Wars episode where we first the boys of Clone Force 99.

For those of you who don’t know, I work in special education. I’ve been a para or an aide who works with special needs kids and I’ve been doing that for over a decade in different capacities, but mostly in schools. I work every day with a range of kids who are seen as different. I work with higher-functioning kids that need academic help and have ADHD, dyslexia, high-functioning autism, etc., and I also work with more physically and mentally-disabled children, like kids with Downs Syndrome, etc. All of the kids I work with are different than most in one way or another. This quote from Clone Wars stuck with me since I first saw it and I loved it. I actually have it as part of my email signature at work, so anyone who sees an email from me reads that, too. I felt it was perfect for my line of work. Embracing those who are seen as different can really fill a void in your heart and soul and some of those people can be the sweetest, most loving individuals you’ll ever meet in your life. I had friends who were special needs growing up, I have autistic cousins and I’ve also been fortunate to work currently and in the past at schools where the special ed students are loved and accepted by their gen ed peers and I’ve had some students who have worked with them that have said they absolutely love it. This line of work is very fulfilling, which is why I firmly believe the second half of the quote above that says “for that makes you whole”. I have a lot of experience being around people that are different from “normal” people.

The Bad Batch are seen as different from “regular” Clones. 

I’m not saying that the Bad Batch are special needs individuals or anything, but they have certain things about them that differentiate them from everyone else, some physical and some mental, just like the students I’ve worked with. Society, however, looks at them and sees them as freaks or not as important as other Clones. Their whole situation just resonated with me from the very beginning. I’m someone who sees another person get treated badly because they’re different or special needs and I just get furious. I recently came across a TikTok where it was a social experiment with a rude customer in a restaurant being horrible to a young man with Downs Syndrome. At first, I couldn’t tell it wasn’t real and I was about ready to scream at some of the things the customer was saying. Even after I realized it was all staged and they were experimenting to see how other people would react, I was still just fuming because that sort of behavior is just unacceptable. I saw the Bad Batch being treated that way and I remember feeling something similar the first time. Even though they might look different and have different traits than everyone else, why should the Bad Batch be treated badly?

We see Rex embrace the Bad Batch for their differences and he came to realize that they were excellent at what they do and were good men, even praising them as “the finest soldiers he’d ever fought alongside”. We see Echo embrace them for their differences because he himself found that he was now different from the rest of the Clones after his experiences at the Citadel and Skako Minor and he found himself another squad to belong to. We see Omega embrace them for their differences and she finds safety and the family she’s always wanted with them. Just because someone looks different or acts different than you for any reason, whether it’s a disability or not, doesn’t make them less of a person. We are all human and we all deserve to be loved. 

What I also find inspiring is that the Bad Batch know they’re different and they too embrace themselves and their differences. They know who they are and nothing anyone else says influences the way they see themselves and each other and I think that’s something we all sometimes struggle with. It’s easy to take the negative things people say about us to heart and let them make us miserable, but if you really know who you are and accept everything about yourself, including your flaws, then nothing anyone can say can affect you. We all should learn to embrace our own differences and that too can make you feel whole. When you know you’re different from other people, accept it and are even proud of it, then you will find that life will be a lot happier that way 😊 Of course, I understand in some cases that can be easier said than done, but it’s never too late to start! It took me a long time to accept certain things about myself, but once I embraced the fact that I’m a nerd and that I’m crazy about different things than other people might be, I’ve been a lot happier and have a much more positive outlook on myself as well as better self-esteem. Be proud of who you are! 💜

Embracing others for their differences truly does make you whole. I see that lesson not only with the Bad Batch, but I’ve learned that with my work helping special ed students in several different capacities and it has truly blessed my life. It’s something that has influenced me and how I treat others in many ways.

That is just another reason to add to my ever-growing list of why I love the Bad Batch so much 🥰💜

#star wars the bad batch #the bad batch #photogirlrant #though it's a good rant! #positivity #star wars positivity

[ranjxtul]

VTM Rambles: the Lesbian Cinematic Universe

so i run a chronicle set in new orleans and it's part of what my girlfriend and i call the lesbian cinemtic universe which also includes their berlin by night chronicle that i play in. we call it such because i'm sure you can imagine there are so many lesbian characters. and like, i love it because our games are so queer friendly as they're run by trans lesbians and played by other sapphics. all of us are also experienced ttrpg players or storytellers in some other way too so it's very common someone will have someone else crying or freaking out because of the scene they're playing,

I also think the queerness and our experience with storytelling allows us to better explore the themes of vampire, which to me are what does it mean to be human and what does it mean to be good. We all have characters, PCs or SPCs alike that re struggling with the darkness of the kindred and human world, in fact I think some way all of them are. i love being able to explore what that means for these people and how they react and cope with the pain of their lives. As creators in these games, we've taken a very human approach to creating these chracters as world of darkness seems to believe that once you're embraced you lose all goodness. it also seems to me they believe tiers of humanity are fixed and unuanced when that is simply not the case so i love playing with what each tier of humanity might mean for each character.

as a storyteller, and a player i interpret the beast as more a figurative manifestation of whatever magic that comes with kindredhood and the blood combined with a person's shadow self and subconscious. i'm personally not a fan of the idea that the beast is an actual entity now living in a kindred' head because of the embrace that sucks the good from you. i think the beast forces the kindred to grapple with the darkest parts of themselves that were already there so the fight for goodness or humanity is internal and intrinsic. to me, this has created such an interesting conflict and even fear in certain characters who want to be kind and humane but are scared to lose that due to age or the world etc.

in these two games, we also have some really interesting themes going through. in berlin, i'd say we're creating a theme of healing generational wounds and in nola i think our theme is becoming learning to hold on to the love and kindness in your life, because it will save you in more ways than one. as a creator whether that be on the storyteller or player side, i'm taking these ideas and running with them. for me, a throughline theme helps tie a story together and helps write the story as it devlops even in an rpg.

additionally, i've found that vtm is a great system to explore heavier topics than you more easily could in dnd or something similar. the central questions of the game lends itself to that. for example, in nola i have a plot that has to do with the second inquistion in the cia and how the prince of the camarilla is currently being trafficked as a part of a deal to hold of the cia which was made knowing one day she'd break. i also think the system is a good way to explore power dynamics in society and tradition. even though our political systems are very different in reality a lot of the messiness and the constructs that create those systems are present in the construction of the camarilla, anarchs, and sabbat- to me this is just another interesting way to explore morality in a game like this.

i am a neuroscientist and enjoy tweaking the poorly written mechanics relating kindred anatomy and physiology. i could make a whole post dedicated to what i've messed with in that regard because it's been a lot. i've altered scarring, disease/immune states, the appearance and visibility of disability, metabolism, and fertility to name a few. most importantly from that list is disability and disease. in both games several characters are autistic or adhd or both. there are vampires who use mobility aids, who are amputees, the nola prince and her wife have hiv, one of my pcs has hEDS and the other has lupus. world of darkness erases disability entirely when talking about the embrace and to me, that's wrong. disability isn't awful or heinous and shouldn't be erased in a low (or high for that matter) fantasy game because it's a part of life for so many people.

lastly in this rant s/o to the people who create with me in the lesbian cinematic unverse @rj-thursday @yelenaslightchangeofplan and andi (who's tumblr i don't know) i love yall and i'm so happy to play these games with you... undercover todd forever

#vampire the masquerade #vamily #vampire the requiem #vtm #vtmb #malkavian #tzmitsce #tremere #toreador #brujah #lasombra #ventrue #hecata #gangrel #clan salubri #world of darkness #undercover todd is the best scence #barb throwing a drink on holly too #barb and carol in general #also andrea's proposal

[fleamontsoleill]

Hello people!

My name's Kordian.

I'm a guy who fell in love with stories at a young age, and decided to make their life about them.

I’m a genderqueer, bisexual mess born on april 15th, which makes me:

an aries

using they/he pronouns,

coming from poland, 

speak polish, english and basic german, spanish, french and danish, which means i can wish you a happy birthday and order coffee, and also talk about the weather and describe my outfit, but i will not get into the depths of quantum physics. 

i’m also autistic.

more info lower!

Other random things about me:

i love writing

lemons, ginger, cinnamon, pears, pasta

i have a sweet tooth

i’m getting back into drawing and watercolour painting

i love flowers, my favourite one being a carnation

i’m basically 24/7 in headphones, music always on

i like learning new languages (if you haven’t figured that out yet)

i enjoy reading, watching movies and tv shows

i can play on ukulele and i’m getting better at guitar and bass

i love stickers and pins

kinda obsessed with angels and religious symbolism while being an atheist, idk how i did that

i can trauma dump without realising, sorry for that

i love sticking things to my walls

and also telling stories

travelling

coffee

chocolate

green

robin williams

On this blog, I reblog/post things related to writing and relatable things I see. Sometimes share a snippet of my writing or freak about an idea I'm having. I’m thinking about separating this side blog into two, one for fanfic (this one), and one for my original work (with my pen name) but idk. Maybe when I have more time.

What do I write?

I write mostly fiction and fantasy, usually gory.

I write things that are inspired by things I know. I have a great imagination, which sometimes is not so fun, but when I write it's really useful. I can sit in any place and make it into a story.

All my works include queer representation.

Some of my works might be graphic, but I will put trigger warnings before any of them.

My current works:

If it comes to longer WIPs, I am used to working on one/two at once, but giving it my whole attention for the time of writing. Even though I can read seven books at once, I can't write them at once.

I also write a lot of short stories, but I will not be listing them here.

"The Tangled Sun" (working title) - a fantasy novel (1st dratf) tag: wip : tts queer, pirates, magic

"Darksun" (working title) - a post apocalyptic novel(1st draft) tag: wip : darksun angels, queer, gore

Fanfiction:

All of Us, Strangers - an AOUS deancas AU 24,095 words “How do you cope?” he asks. “With what?” “Listen?” he says, almost asks, and sticks the hand with the bottle up, one finger pointing at the ceiling. Dean doesn’t hear anything. The silence fills the entire space. “It’s so quiet,” he says, and his voice is slightly broken up, as if he’s mourning the sound that isn’t present. “The city’s out there, but we can’t hear a fucking thing.” Castiel leans even closer, as if he was about to tell Dean his deepest, darkest secret, and Dean backs away. His hand tightens on the doorknob. “I play music, but it’s worse when it ends. I even bought one of those white-noise machines. It’s like someone’s in the corner of the room, whispering about me. We can’t even open the windows, but I guess they don’t want us to jump.” he pauses for a while. “Bad for business. Broken bodies on the concrete. Who’s gonna move in then?” he asks, but he doesn’t expect an answer.

Dean Cas Big Bang fic - estimated word count 30k

on the road - WHICH IS A WORKING TITLE - estimated word count is 60k After John dies, Dean has no more reasons to be trapped in his hometown. With the encouragement of his friends and family, he hits the road, where he meets new people and learns new things about himself, finally being able to explore himself as much as he always wanted to. Not having to hide, being able to just be his own person is something he didn't know he would ever be able to do. Little does he know, it's only the beginning of the good things to happen.

-----

That's pretty much all. Like I said, I'm open to new conversations, so don't hesitate to message me or send asks anytime. And I'm ask/tag game friendly!

My main account is @fleamontsoleil and you'll probably find out some more on the intro post there. It's where I reblog and sometimes post fandom stuff, here it's just, I don't know. Writing, ao3 and the rest of random stuff.

Have a nice one!

#writeblr #writeblr intro #writeblr introduction #writing blog #writer #writing #new to writeblr #writers of tumblr

[wilt3d-r0zes]

Apparently I’m on an agere Teen Wolf kick uhh but here’s another fic for it haha

Keyring Rattles

Stiles regresses in class and freaks out, his understimulated little brain locks onto the idea of getting Lydia's keys and won't settle until he's rattling them.

or, I started another drabble and accidentally made a 1k ish fic (chapter 2 is very OOC and from the perspective of Lydia & Scott instead of Stiles, it's separated bc I don't like it as much)

Warning: This fic contains Age Regression, a non-sexual coping mechanism! 

(Little!Stiles, CG!Scott. Lydia is also there as sorta a side character, so hc her however you want. This has no romantic interactions at all!)  (Autistic!Stiles also bc i cant have a favorite character and make them NT) (Please note that the semi-joke at the very end about “pulling the autism card” is something I have said in real life, and if it makes you uncomfortable that is a personal preference and doesn’t apply to everybody /nm /lh)

Stiles doesn't like English on a good day.

He hates it on a bad day.

And would rather throw a tantrum in front of the entire class on a little day.

It's why Scott is actively leading him out of the classroom and towards That Locker Room that they always go toward when he has some level of freak out in school. He's trying to calm his little down on the walk, but Stiles is entirely inconsolable.

Snot and tears are practically coating his face, he got taken out of the classroom before it got too bad (He saw Stiles start crying and made an excuse to get them both out of there, thank god), but he’s about one wrong move away from a full-blown meltdown.

Meltdowns for Stiles are bad enough when he's big, when little? Not something you want to do around other people. Especially anybody who isn't your caregiver.

The locker room is a familiar sight, and despite the smell that assaults his nose he's relieved to know he's away from other people. Of course, that also means that once the door is shut and Scott has set him down leaning against one of the chain walls he's getting loud. Broken, cracking sobs and squirming limbs. 

The chain wall rattled loudly when he smacked his head against it, Scott is still talking to him, trying to get him to calm down. His tone sounds a bit more frantic now, but Stiles can't understand any of the words through his racing thoughts.

His hand latches onto the links, yanking on the wall and rattling it so it echoes around in the room. It's a good sound, like a more aggressive key ring.

That's what he wants!

He wants a key ring. More specifically he wants Lydia’s, because she has a lot of keys and trinkets and it makes a nice noise. He whines, yanking on the chains again, “Lydi,” he shouts it, even though he just meant to say it to Scott because doing anything quiet might drive him entirely off the deep end.

“Lydia?” Scott echoes, but whatever he says next is lost on a much too little Stiles (He hates this, he hates when his regression gets so deep he struggles to process English unless he's focusing on it completely. It's terrifying)

“Wan’ Lydi!” 

He can hear Scott’s phone ringing. He yanks on the fence again, giggling at the sound. It rattles around his skull in such a pleasant way, he yanks again. It echoes around the locker room, hitting every wall and the other chain fences, and then falls back on him.

Scott's talking to Lydia, he can tell. She better be coming over, he wants her keys! 

(He doesn't think about how he doesn't want her to see him flapping one hand, covered in tears and snot with his legs curled up against his chest and the other hand yanking on the chain fence. Doesn't want her to see him a total mess because all he wants are her keys)

Sure enough, a couple minutes more of Stiles rattling the chains and finding anything he can to keep his other hand occupied (Including but not limited to flapping and hitting, which Scott attempted to stop if his raise in volume meant anything) and the telltale click-clack of Lydia’s heels approached the door.

Hopefully, at least, it could always just be a teacher. It's not though, and soon Lydia is crouched down on his other side and is talking with Scott. Stiles reaches his free hand toward her.

“Keys!” he more-or-less demands, yanking on the chains again. His wide eyes lock on her pink, long-strapped purse where the jingle jangles are certainly hiding from him.

“Keys?” Lydia echoes, looking over him towards Scott. One hand is slowly venturing towards her purse, so Stiles whines and makes a grabby motion towards it to make her speed up, “Why do you want my keys, Stiles?”

Stiles pouts at her, slumping when she doesn't give him what he wants right away, “Jingly.”

Lydia smiles, then chuckles, finally retrieving the jingle jangles and setting them in his hand. He sits up and squeals, letting go of the chain to hold the keys by the hook and shake them. Shake, shake, shake! 

He giggles and starts rocking, moving his legs so he's crisscrossed and happily shaking the keys. Occasionally he brings it up to his ear and rattles it, but every time Scott brings his hand away so he doesn't damage his hearing.

Super mean, but if it makes bubba upset then he'll keep the keys away from his ears!

…

“What happened?” Lydia asks once Stiles is enthralled in her keyring, clearly not paying attention to either of them.

Scott sighs, running his hands down his face tiredly, “I don't know, we were in English and I caught the scent of his emotions. When I looked up he was crying, so I brought him here.”

“Did he just regress in class and freak out?” she frowns at him, looking back toward the human. 

“I guess?” Scott says. Lydia focuses more on how dirty Stiles is, pulling out a handkerchief from her bag to try and wipe his face off. That's surely going to dry and become an all-around horrible sensory experience, especially for an already upset little, “Hey, keep those away from your ears, bud,” Scott reaches up to pull the keys away from where Stiles was shaking them right beside his ear.

The little whimpers in response to both his face being wiped and Scott moving his hand, but when he lets go and he's allowed to rattle the keys again he calms down.

“Blow, sweetheart,” Lydia encourages, holding the handkerchief to his nose. He complies, so she pulls it away and wraps it up to safely store it in its own, separate pocket in her purse to be washed later.   “Alright, how are we getting him out of here?”

Scott gives her a weird look, “What do you mean?”

“We can't just bring him out the front door, someone will question while he's shaking a set of keys and leaning on one of us, or call his dad,” she reminds.

“We can just pull the autism card,” Scott shrugs, “We do it all the time, it's an easy way to get out of class if something happens.”

“...I feel like that’s not okay?”

“His idea, not mine,” Scott holds his hands up in defense, “If you want to try and get him out the window or something, be my guest, I’m just saying what’d be easiest.”

Lydia sighs and looks around the room for any windows. Most of the windows in their school aren’t the kind you can just pop open and hop through, unfortunately, so she’d either have to go through mental gymnastics trying to unlock them or break a screen. Or both.

Fine, pulling the autism card it is. Even when she double-checks, Scott promises that it’s Stiles’s idea to pull it when they’re in a sticky situation.

#wilt3d-libr4ry #teen wolf #oneshot #fanfic #fanfiction #teen wolf fanfiction #agere #agere fanfiction #teen wolf agere #teen wolf age regression #age regression #stiles stilinski #autistic stiles stilinski #im sorry to anybody who just wanted silly autistic stiles #who was not expecting to see this #anyways #wilt3d-budz

[br1ghtestlight]

OKAY airy is a character who is interpreted depending on the bias someone already has abt the character based on their own personal experiences etc like this is true for every fictional character but its just the only way to view airy tbh like thats just him. airy is either a misunderstood person who died young and has no idea the damage he has caused bcuz of mental illness from decades of isolation and the trauma of dying or he is a sociopathic monster who is masterminding the entire thing and knows how horrible and evil he is. both narratives are valid although i would argue he canonically leans closer to the first interpretation due to his protrayal in episode 17 and 18 but whatever. like ppl do unironically think that airy is this supervillian and his whole weird autistic freak (affectionate) thing or whatever he has going on is just an act, partly due to their own experiences with people and other fictional characters. in my opinion airy is just someone who was a random guy and he found himself in a situation where he could become god and he did, and he uhh he is obviously not okay and he does not seem to understand morality or the harm he is causing other people AT ALL that doesnt make his actions okay but he might just actually be that stupid. like he does not seem to get it and he almost acts like that to a point where u have to wonder if thats on purpose?? if he's acting like this bcuz he doesnt want to face the consequences of his actions, which i would argue is also true. he is shown feeling guilt when talking abt the season one contestants he killed but outside of that he does not seem to care about any harm or destruction he's caused to these peoples lives, i would argue bcuz he is so disconnected that he physically can not empathize with them or understand what they are experiencing. he is for the most part only concerned with his own desires and wants, he wants to make his gameshow and that is what he's going to do regardless of who he hurts (aka literally everyone) he is disconnected from reality but he also obviously cares, he is not a violent person although he is strong and able to defend himself. he actually HATES hurting people and feels a lot of guilt relating to that and cares so much abt liam he wants him to be happy and feel better. but primarly he focuses on himslf bcuz he has to, he has been isolated for DECADES with his cassette player as his only compainionship and he puts that and his gameshow above everything else. he can obviously lie to get what he wants as shown in episode 17 (although not very well) anyway i would say that he knows he is hurting people and destroying lives deep down inside himself but he has to ignore that for his own sanity and the guilt is too much to bare. its also true that if these are all real actual people then that means that he did actually kidnap all the original contestants and then commit mass murder and they all had lives and families of their own, and that is literally not something he can cope with as seen in episode 17 in this way he almost parellels charlotte who also pushes her guilt deep down inside in order to get what she wants

#wow this post was getting LAGGY!!!!! #sorry to talk so much abt airy hfjone im autistic #i am so normal about him actually <3 #sorry to literally anyone who reads all of this FDDJDMDMDMSSJ i have so much more i could say abt this stupid fucking webseries #object shows #txt

[endternal]

lee taemin. nonbinary. he/him. asexual. ⇝ hey, isn’t that karam shin ( nickname: eden )? i think that the thirty year old from redacted works as a florist at the flower basket; toxicologist for the grim fox, but outside of that people describe them as the reflection of the moon over rippling water, a bubbling stream lapping against the rocks and the cool spray of the river; hands running through hair, nails digging into skin, a lonely figure hunched over in an empty room. i hear they are solitary & unusual, but they are also known to be intelligent & unswerving. consider giving them a visit at their home in the seal harbor apartment complex and get to know why they’re called the restless spirit.

IMPORTANT LINKS: will be added when they're ready !

IMPORTANT: Karam is nonbinary. His general presentation is sort of androgynous but he certainly does not identify as a man so please don't refer to him as one! (boy is okay, so long as it's not being used to infantalise, and anything a little more grey area (e.g; dude and guy and so on) is generally fine). He uses he/him pronouns solely because he's used to them and he's a little resistant to change. He does not mind being referred to as they/them but he doesn't personally make use of those pronouns.

BASICS

The first thing most people will pick up about Karam is that he isn't very talkative, nor is he very emotive. He's not incapable of emoting and he's certainly not emotionless but he's not especially good at expressing himself (particularly in a way that's useful to other people) so he doesn't bother. As for talking, he just doesn't feel like it most of time. There are times where he might talk about something at length but, for the most part, he keeps it to a minimum. This means he has a habit of being quite blunt and curt but it doesn't really bother him, even if it bothers other people. (That said, he doesn't speak in a monotone; the way he speaks is quite measured but that's about it.) He's more expressive and more talkative around people he genuinely likes.

However, the people he genuinely likes are few and far between. Karam is, overall, very untrusting. He is especially untrusting of people who aren't fellow miroir and, because there is, for the most part, no immediate to separate the miroir from everybody else, there is nobody he instinctively trusts. He is hyperaware of his status as a miroir and the fact that people would likely fear or hate him if they knew the truth about what he was.

Karam has a deep affinity for nature. His whole upbringing was spent among nature. There are times where he'd rather be among the trees than other people. This is precisely why he's taken up work as a florist. He's not made for retail at all and his customer service skills are non-existent but being around plants all day puts his mind at ease.

He knows a lot about plants (and other stuff like wildlife, rocks, water, whatever else) and even more about which plants can definitely kill you. Actually, he just knows a lot about poison in general. You can pin that one on the whole toxicologist thing.

Absolutely one of those people who will sneak up and appear behind you when they want to talk and freak you The Fuck out. As in, you won’t hear him coming and he won’t announce himself. He’ll just show up and you won’t notice him until you turn around. And, no matter how often he’s told, he’s not going to understand that’s it maybe not a regular thing to do (or, at the very least, he might try to understand but he’s not going to take it on board).

Karam is autistic. Not diagnosed. (yes, a second autistic phoebe oc.....gotta make ur own representation around here <3 although tbh, i did not plan on writing karam as autistic. he just ended up extremely autistic-coded and i decided to commit :D ) HOWEVER!! I want to be clear that the references later in this post to Karam being very good at memorising a lot of information should not be seen as some kind of Autistic Savant stereotype. Karam is very smart but he's not some kind of cartoonish genius. He also straight up sucks at retaining information he doesn't care about.

Likes to feed the rats living in the Seal Harbor apartment complex. Nobody's caught him doing it as of yet but the Mysterious Rat Feeder isn't popular with his neighbours.

Karam hates loud and busy places and will avoid them. Maybe not at all costs but fervently enough. He just finds them VERY overwhelming.

Spent the first part of his life outside of the Grim Fox homeless. He can't remember how long it was because he never kept count. He got by as best he could by living on the streets and stealing food.

He is also asexual, largely because I just can't see him caring about sex. He's not sex-repulsed, just disinterested. I'm not sure quite where he falls with regards to romantic attraction but it's probably somewhere between biromantic and aromantic; it's not something I've had a chance to explore yet but he's also not particularly interested in that either.

BACKSTORY (tw: death, murder, v brief vomit mention)

a fair note in advance, most of this is written in a deliberately vague and cryptic way. i know this isn't the most accessible way of delivering info about a character but karam's backstory is meant to be a little unclear! it's also very much subject to change as i work stuff out!

He has no delusions about what he is. His face isn't his own, his body isn't his own, his DNA is not his own. He's a twisted reflection of some distant unfortunate but the image in the mirror is too sharp. Sharpened to the point of distortion, in fact. But what is his own is his name; Karam. The nickname 'Eden' was granted to him as a matter of necessity but Karam was entirely his own. Who knows what the Original's name was? Who cares? The name Karam is his own. A marker of his own identity. Abandoned and tossed aside, Karam has no plans to step into a life unknown to him. Karam, an old Korean word meaning river. Nothing is static, only fluid. Ever-flowing. (He had asked his handler if he could choose own name. They had taken pity on him and allowed it; he was just a clone, he wasn't meant to have a life of his own so it was the least they could offer him.)

There is very little, in fact, that Karam knows about the person he was intended to replace. They were not very old, just a child, when they vanished. There was no history for Karam to learn, nobody for him to imitate. The fake has outlived the genuine. What little details Karam had known have long since slipped through his fingers, replaced only with the harrowing knowledge that he shouldn't exist. That he's different. Do people look at him strangely? Do they suspect him? No, they have know way of knowing the truth. But, if they did know, wouldn't they hate him? Would they even see him as a person? Or just the ghost of a child who was never supposed to grow up?

He'd been raised as a toxicologist, adept in all sorts of poisonings. Subtle. Showy. Painless. Agonising. Natural. Chemical. They'd decided that his talent for quick memorisation, his ability to absorb information, had made him perfect for the job. You wouldn't necessarily know it to look at him but in that head of his is a seemingly endless list of ways to kill a person. He might even tell you so, not that you'd believe him. A pretty boy like that, knowing such dreadful things? Surely not. (Don't pay too much attention to the boy at the flower shop, he's a little strange.)

He was deployed as a toxicologist too. Was even active for a good while. Karam has a body count and he can't quite remember the exact number. There was never any reason to, he was just following orders. Didn't even flinch when he watched, from a safe and hidden distance, as his mark choked on his own vomit. Karam was good at his work. He may have been a fraud of a person but he was a genuine toxicologist and he excelled in his work. (The more time he spends in Anchorage, the more the numb sting of guilt starts to burn in the back of throat; back then, he'd never thought of his targets as people because he'd been so cut off from the rest of the world but being forced to live in the real world has put things into perspective.)

Suddenly, it all stops. Orders that used to trickle in like raindrops dried up; a drought of purpose. He's not useful anymore. He's nothing. His whole life had been built on strict rules and a particularly routine, and it had all fallen apart before he could make sense of it. They'd left him out in the cold, thrown him aside like an unwanted plaything. And yet he was too detached from reality to hate them or even feel angry. He was only afraid. It did not take him long to learn that there was no place for somebody like him in the real world. Because he knew himself to be an outcast, he immediately fell in with the wrong crowds. Did things he shouldn't. He was young, lost and confused.

But he was found one night, lying sprawled out on the concrete and barely conscious, by a kind and unexpected stranger. They took him back to their place, helped clean him up. They let him stay a while, because he had no home to go to, and helped him get a job at the flower shop. And, then, when he had the money to rent his own place, they let him leave. He had been a distant guest, mostly keeping to himself and revealing very little of his own history but he had been grateful for their help, even if he had never been able to show it. (will probably submit this as a wanted connection at some point!)

Although he does his best to pretend otherwise, Karam never quite adjusted to his new life. Assimilation hasn't come easy to him. He still thinks himself an outsider, a ghost amongst the crowds. A glitch in the system. He likes to leave the city, from time to time, to explore the wilderness and woodlands of the region. He feels grounded there, away from people. There's no judgement there amongst the trees. No shame, no guilt, no hopelessness.

His work at the flower shop is not all that fulfilling and he feels like there's still a great big cavity in his chest; his expansive knowledge of flora is put to good use but he doesn't feel as though he's doing anything. And it makes him feel restless.

Please note that this character is not just a character I've been writing for a while (since 2019) but actually an alternate take on that character. In his original storyline, Karam isn't actually human. I thought it'd be fun to write him in setting anyway so this is kind of a human AU for him? This isn't really smth anybody else needs to keep in mind but [lease be patient with me if it takes me a minute to make everything work with this version!

#« 𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐌 » / 「 intro. 」 #anchorintro #hopefully this all makes enough sense! #it might be a little weird and rambly bc my brain is a little scrambled #and hopefully nothing here disrupts the established miroir lore! (i left his childhood very vague for that exact reason)

[sharpth1ng]

okay, this might be a weird question, but you say that Billy, Randy and Stu met in 1st-2nd grade. Do you think Stu or Billy did the stupid “hurt the person you have a puppy-love crush on to get their attention” thing when they were younger? bc, personally i think Stu might’ve started pulling Billy’s hair or smth to get his attention

Not a weird question but ima write you an essay lol sorry

So my answer to this has a lot to do with my hc of autistic Billy, cause here’s the thing, a person can be a special interest.

You just kind of want to be around them all the time and you want to study them and because of the fact that you’re studying them you end up being able to read them way better than you can read anyone else, and it makes it easier to interact with them. Generally they’re also people you can be your autistic self around and not worry that they think you’re mean or rude, and it doesn’t feel exhausting to interact with them so you have way more energy for them than anyone else.

So I think for lil Billy that was his mom, like boy was ATTATCHED, and I think probably did not have a whole lot of energy for other people like his classmates (including Randy).

Then Stu joins their class the next year, and I think young Stu is this bubbly, hyper enthusiastic and friendly kid, probably pretty immediately popular because he’s an obvious class clown. And he makes friends with both Randy and Billy, who probably hasn’t really had someone he actually considered a friend before, but for some reason he actually wants to spend time with Stu? Like he cares about trying to understand him and all of that is new and weird and it freaks him out.

All this is to say I actually think Billy is the hair puller because he doesn’t know what to do with that, and hair pulling just turns into insults and punches as they get older. I actually hc Stu as the kind of really innocent kid who would like, pick a dandelion and give it to a same-gender crush without even realizing that’s what he’s doing or that it might get him bullied.

He only learns to be like 2% more subtle as he ages.

#Stu is one of Billy’s special interests and he hates that #smol rats #ask

[c0rrupted-mov]

CHIAKI KOMAEDA . and maybe chihiros if u feel inclined :3

I answered Chiaki's in the previous ask sooo it's Komaeda and Chihiro time!

KOMAEDA

favorite thing about them

Everything. love him a lot. Has been obsessed with him since my first watch of the playthrough almost four years ago. There's nothing you can do about liking him you just have to accept it. But I think I can say that I especially like the way he's written

least favorite thing about them

the way fandom treats him. It's super rare to see someone interpret him normally, without falling into either "uwu soft baby who did nothing wrong" or "insane freak without a sense of morality who loves to commit arson for the fun of it". I think his behavior in the prologue of sdr2 is the most accurate version of him

favorite line

His "huh?" in the 4th trial... I just find it pretty funny. The "Am I allowed to speak now?" also deserves mentioning. All his other memorable lines are SO memed in the fandom that I kinda even find them annoying lol xD

brOTP

I can't decide T^T I love the Soda, Fuyhiko and Nagito friendship but also recently I've been thinking of Sonia, Gundham and Nagito... I just think they have a lot in common,,, Or just Sonia. Also with Ibuki, he deserves some optimism and silliness in his life. I just want him to have friends man T^T

OTP

KOMANAMI but def not in cishet way. There's no way either of them is straight. Ngl, I first started liking them in a little seff shipping way because I relate to Nanami a lot xD I grew to love them outside of that pretty soon tho I just think they have a nice cute dynamic and will be very healthy and helpful to each other :)

nOTP

I'm not sure I have one?.. I used to hate komahina before because of the fandom but now I kinda like them. Maybe I could say komamiki but not in the "I hate it so much don't you dare talk to me about it". I used to ship it but then grew to like their dynamic as haters/very bitter friends at first who might become closer and kinder to each other later

random headcanon

Autistic! Like that makes so much sense for him (komanami autistic4autistic swag). Also he/they pronouns

unpopular opinion

sexuality discourse sucks and also often uses biphobic and/or stupid rhetoric. The fact that he didn't react inappropriately when he fell between Mikan's legs doesn't mean that headcanoning him as mspec isn't allowed! That's just a normal human behavior and you're weird!

song i associate with them

This is super predictable and basic but,,, hope by Jack Stauber. Ik the song is about addiction but it also fits Komaeda's relationship with hope. I mean, it is the thing that "keeps him going everyday" right? Also maaaaybe "pretty cvnt" (hate the name) but only because I feel like the lyrics could kinda be similar to Komaeda's self hatred lol. I would love to say more but I very rarely associate songs with fictional characters,,, maybe with my OCs at best but yeah sorry :(

favorite picture of them

THERE'RE SO MANY IT'S SO DIFFICULT but maybe this I KNOW THAT THIS ARTIST IS FAMOUS FOR SUPER BAD STUFF OKAY but he looks like a smiling samoyed here T^T

CHIHIRO! This one is going to be a bit difficult because honestly, I never really thought much about her T^T I'm sorry I'm that person in the fandom that knows everything about two characters and almost nothing about the rest fglhk

favorite thing about them

I think her talent! I just find it very interesting and it makes me wonder how it would work with other characters and in different fields

least favorite thing about them

Once again, the way fandom treats her. The way how people can't see that the fact that dr is a very problematic franchise that has transphobic writing doesn't mean that it's okay and fine to take all of this at face value and accept it without processing

favorite line

I don't remember any lines from thh lol xD

brOTP

Chiaki and/or Naegi! I like to see Chihiro and Chiaki as siblings but either way they would get a long. I also feel like Naegi would be a good friend to her too

OTP

I don't really ship her with anyone I think? Tho I've seen some cute celeshiro art recently ( tho sadly the artist sees her as cis lol). I feel like they both can relate to the feelings of pretending to be someone you're not, esp if you hc Celestia as trans

nOTP

Don't think I have one?..

random headcanon

Loves hairclips. Has a big collection of very different ones for every occasion

unpopular opinion

Does trans Chihiro count as unpopular? Idk

song i associate with them

Sorry, I don't have one :(

favorite picture of them

I just find it funny xD

#thank you for the ask! #love them all very much tho #hope my thoughts are fine ^^" #ask game #sorren #hii sorren!! Hi! Smiles #Love seeing you in my askbox

[misterradio]

thinking about how i get envious of characters who are creatures. like they were a human and nkw they are a creature. not in a tormented way but in a purely vibing way. girl maybe i just wanna be a creature ?!?

a big draw js the idea that you are utterly free from the expectations of a civilized person and are free to be a little freak that you may be in your heart. i guess wha tthus says about me is that i think society is restricting but also i wonder if i am simply (hah) autistic and dont want to try conforming to a society ?!

does anyone else feel this and have autism or even not. you dont need to answer i feel like im being persnal here but it also doesnt have to be that deep. but it is. to me. because im on the internet saying to strangers that i want to be a little animal perhaps.

i fantasized abt being an animal as a kid and i think a lot of people are like 'yeah lol i would want to be free of some expectations' but i mean like i am getting For Real Jealous of Fictional Characters Over Thid

for example whev i saw the animated hobbit movie as a kid the golumm guy scared me but then watching it as an adult i was like wtf fhis guy owns. the carrion worms might also apply here but theyre kind of a reversal of thjs but still applicable in a way ?!?

its 5 am here 👍 editing long posts on my phone is a special kind of torment < such is why there was an incomprehensible typo

#original nonsense #personal

[occult-roommates]

Lügner, Lügnerin

Back at Audrey’s place, Dawud brushed his teeth, as he was getting ready to go to bed. However, upon hearing his best friend cry in her bedroom, he had to make sure everything’s ok in there.

Audrey: I’m so scared, what if aliens literally don’t like me...Oh my god, what if aliens are racist? Dawud: Hey, don’t worry. One of my roommates is an alien and they’re very much in love with black Earthling women. Audrey: ...Dav...What are you even talking about?  Dawud: Look, Audrey, in theory I’m supposed to keep it a secret, but that’s the truth, and I’ve been wanting to tell you for months. One of my roommates is an alien, I am not joking. Their name is Kino Gurafee and- Audrey: Kino? Dawud, you’re making this up. It’s literally the German word for movie theater. Like, I remember back in high school we did a project for German class where had to talk about, and I still remember this sentence verbatim years later from how hard we memorized this project; der letzte Film den wir im Kino gesehen haben. In fact, Kino Gurafee sounds like a play on cinematography. Dawud: Why would I make a play on cinematography out of all the words on the planet? Audrey, if I was messing with you, I would have name the alien something like Diese Nawtz or Uar Mome. Audrey: I also remember while we were doing that project back that you got fixated on the word Kinematographie and would repeat it on loop for months on end.

Dawud had no memory of this category 5 echolalia event, but now that she mentions it, yeah, it did happen. Damn, that girl memory might actually be way too efficient for her own good. Anyway, he started arguing with her that no, he’s not lying, he does indeed live with an alien and then...she slapped him, out of nowhere.

Dawud: What the fuck Audrey! Audrey: Look, I might be an autistic girly girly girl, I might love pink and have an actual unicorn decal on my wall and be obsessed with aliens, but I’m still a grown ass woman. Don’t start telling me very obvious lie in order to make me feel better like you’d do to a child! Dawud: Alright! Yes, I’m lying! You’re happy now!

Well, he did not sound convincing at all. But instead of pissing off Audrey even more, it just made her regret slapping him, it was obvious enough he was hurt, not just physically but emotionally. 

Audrey: D-Dav I’m so sorry. Dawud: I’m so tired of lies. Like, earlier this month, I freaked out at Daniele and my pilot friend from work cause Dan told me he made out with him. And in hindsight I feel so stupid for not realizing it right away. It was so obviously fake. I hate lying actually, make me feel bad. Audrey: Wow, go tell that to your mother, who you pretended you were still in school for more than a year when in actuality for most of that time you were a depressed NEET sleeping on my couch. Dawud: Ok, yes that was messed up, but you thought I was happy and comfortable living a lie? In fact, while she knows the truth now, I’m pretty sure it strained our relationship by a lot, which really fucking hurt. She might never trust me ever again after that. Ever since, I try to be as honest as possible. Audrey: Thank god cause that whole alien roommate thing shows you’re a pretty bad liar actually when you’re in front of the person. At least you got away with lying to your mom by avoiding her for a whole 18 months. Dawud: I’m not even good in telling when people are lying. Like that whole body language thing sounds like bullshit honestly...That or I might be autistic too, I don’t know. I feel like I don’t have enough traits to qualify, but I wonder pretty often. Audrey: I mean, I’ve been suspecting it too...And so does my mom...Your mom knows but she doesn’t believe it. Dawud: What?? Audrey: Yeah, back in 5th grade when I got diagnosed, my mom noticed you also fit a lot of the criteria, so she told your mom and she kinda denied it cause admitting it would “put your future in jeopardy”. Also it was around the time your father’s died so you were under a lot of stress already, and you were being bullied a lot to begin with. That would just have put even more weight on your shoulders. Dawud: I don’t even understand why I was being bullied so much back in elementary school! I mean, I don’t think it was that obvious I would grow up to be queer and I only got fat during puberty. Audrey: Well, you are from an Iraqi family and it was the 2000s...

Oh, ok that was a lot to take in on a Saturday morning at 4 am. Well, assuming he indeed is, that would...explain a lot. Yeah, getting diagnosed in 5th grade would have put a lot of weight on his shoulders, but so is being an undiagnosed adult who is trying to make it into this world as if nothing is wrong. Also, funny his mom didn’t want to get him diagnosed cause it would put his future in jeopardy, but in the end Audrey ended up a fine mostly functional adult and he’s just been all over the place in recent years...Sometime he wasn’t even all over the place, he was just straight up in a dark place.

Audrey: Though, let’s say, considering we’ve been the best of friends since kindergarten, I know it’s because we were next door neighbours and our parents were friends, but like...Ok, it’s ironic cause I’m about to use an idiom, but you know, birds of a feather fuck together. Dawud: ...Don’t you mean flock together??? Audrey: I mean...they can fuck too...If you know what I mean. Dawud: No, in fact I don’t.

Whelp, Audrey don’t know what she expected.

It all started because Audrey wanted to see a flying saucer, and now he’s finding out something new about himself. I mean, it’s not 100% confirmed, but it seems pretty likely. Much to process and think about as he’s trying to fall asleep at 4:30 in the morning.

Prev - Next

#ts4 #sims 4 #the sims 4 #simblr #ts4 simblr #sims community #sims 4 community #occult roommates #audrey newberry #dawud sahan #long post #no its actually 4 am where i live too i really need to go to sleep #OcRo s1