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#OcRo s1
occult-roommates · 1 year
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Let’s go to the beech beech...Ninki Minjaj
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occult-roommates · 1 year
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The Sahans and the Newberrys (Newberries?)
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occult-roommates · 1 year
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It’s time to go
That was it, after two wonderful weeks, it was time to go back to San Myshuno; say farewell to the low-poly seagulls and hello to the low-poly pigeons. There they were, waiting before their flight, Rudi, Dawud and Daniele were starting to get bored, so they just...looked at each other’s passport.
Daniele: Wait, why do you have an American passport? I thought you were born in Costa Rica and grew up in Germany. You’ve moved to the US like...less than six months ago. Rudi: My mom is Costa Rica and I was born there, and I did move to Germany cause my dad was German. After he died, my mom wanted to go back home, but she got in an online relationship with a Puerto Rican dude, who is now my step-father, so we moved to Puerto Rico. And since Puerto Rican have US passport well here I am. Daniele: Fascinating, thanks for the explanation. Rudi: Costa Rican and Puerto Rican. Call that the double rican...God I wish I was actually rich. Dawud: I don’t get it? Daniele: In Spanish, Costa Rica means rich coast and Puerto Rico means rich port. I don’t speak Spanish but you know my first language is Italian and in Italian both rich coast is costa ricca and rich port is porto ricco so I kinda...deduced. Dawud: I now feel incredibly stupid for never realizing. Rudi: You deadass grew up in Arizona and cannot speak not even un poquito de Español?  Dawud: I mean, I could have picked Spanish in high school like a normal person, but my biggest bullies were all in that class so instead I picked German like a fucking nerd.  Rudi: Oh really, you speak German? Say something, I totally won’t roast you for your pronunciation. Dawud: Uh...Ich mag trinkt Pferdeblud. Rudi: Not only is this sentence barely coherent and not grammatically correct but WHY is this the sentence you chose to say? You actually pronounced it perfectly though. Dawud: I said this one cause it’s the only one I know. Rudi: Ok so WHY is this the only one you know??
While these two were...peacefully arguing about the validity of Dawud’s German, Daniele tried quickly to look at Rudi’s passort. As soon as they saw him do that, they took it away from him.
Daniele: Lu-na M-M-M-Mo- Rudi: BITCH! Daniele: What, I just wanted to see if your first name is actually Rudder! Rudi: Yes, my full name is Rudder, that’s my old name that’s written here. I haven’t changed my name legally yet cause I’ve only realized I’m nonbinary like...barely a year ago. Daniele: YOU’RE A WEREWOLF AND YOUR PARENTS LEGIT DECIDED TO NAME YOU LUNA??? Rudi: You think that’s bad, my mom is fucking named Guadalupe. Dawud: Also why do you read so slowly Dan? Daniele: Can’t I be dyslexic in peace?
Kino looked at these three, in awe on how their age gap can be barely three years and yet, they felt so much more mature than these overgrown teenagers. That’s when they got a text from Toni asking if they were still on the island. Kino answered with a yes, so Toni asked them to go outside the airport.
Kino: Oh, hi Toni. Already missing me? But you know, I’ll likely be back next summer. Toni: Kim I love you.
Oh...Oh my. Kino had often confess these words to someone, but they had never been on the receiving end before. Toni took their hand, and they kissed, right before it was announced boarding had began for their flight.
Hopefully then, it won’t take a year before they see each other again.
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occult-roommates · 1 year
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Why did I say that why did I say that why did I say that why did I say that why did I say that why did I say that why did I say that why did I say that why did I say that why did I say that why did I say that
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occult-roommates · 1 year
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The human and the spellcaster
Akva had her baby, which meant it was time for someone else to close a chapter of their life. Early that same morning, right before work, Dawud invited Daniele’s to the San Myshuno art museum. They have so many good memories there like uh...That time Daniele almost crashed his broom or when they took a selfie there and it’s how Dawud’s mom found out he had been lying to her for months...But this time it’s the right time, and the museum will officially be their special place.
Daniele: Kinda crazy she hid from her parents the entire pregnancy. Like, it’s not like me who just cut ties with my parents, Akva is still close to them. Must have been rough to not see them for nine months...Well, I guess in the early months you can hide it to them. I don’t know, I didn’t asked her exactly when’s the last time she saw them, anyway... Dawud: Rookie numbers. I avoided my mom was 18 months. I could have had two babies in that mean time. Daniele: It sucks...I miss my parents sometime.
Oh boy, ok, he’s now rambling about his parents. How does Dawud gracefully transition from that to telling him he loves him...Alright, he grabbed his hand. Let’s go.
Dawud: B-But you uh...You know who would always love you no uh...no matter what and even if you’re not a spellcaster anymore?
Now, no going back, if Daniele is quick, he might already figure out where this is going. Come on, he can say it.
Dawud: Ah I-I love you. Daniele: Oh Dav I... Dawud: What? Daniele: I love you too but I cannot date a human.
Shit. Fuck. Damnit. Motherfucker. Bitch. Cunt. Asshole. Swear word. Out of all the possible scenario imaginable, Dawud had not anticipated this one. What should he do now what should he do now what should he do now.
Snapping of course!
Dawud: You know what man, fuck you! I’ve always been a good friend to you and I’ve tried so hard to be one of the good one. And why do you care so much if I’m a human? The fact your family refuses to mingle with humans is why your parents think you’re worthless and don’t want you anymore. Oh and also by doing so your family has shot itself in the foot cause the reason you’re losing your power is because you’re a fucking inbred! Daniele: I’m not an inbred, what are you talking about?! Did someone hit you in the head??? Dawud: You told me yourself. There’s barely any wizards left in Italy, and if your family avoids human then logically at some point you’ll run out of non-relatives to have children with. Daniele: Ok, first of all, yes my great-grandparents were cousins but that was like, four generations ago. And don’t call me a wizard! Dawud: Well you know what, I don’t give a shit. I’m gonna find myself a nice human instead of a fucking wizard such as you. See, this is why nobody actually likes occult anyway.
And after saying that, Dawud left the scene. But the more he walked away, the more he realized what he just said. Oh my god what has he done? What the fuck has he done? Why did he say that? He didn’t even meant any of it, and of course going straight for insults and a hateful rant is not how you get someone to give you a chance! Why oh why did he do that? Why does he keep on making stupid decisions upon stupid decisions??
Guess that’s what he get for trying to be romantic at that damn art museum.
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occult-roommates · 1 year
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Welcome to the world
Akva was rushed to a private maternity hospital, she didn’t need to worry about the money, Paisley was gonna take care of everything. While in very early labor, Jay briefly left to get changed, no way he’s welcoming his child into the world while in a low budget little mermaid drag. Thankfully, he came back just in time for her to start pushing. And while she was busy giving birth, June went outside cause, let’s say that someone still didn’t know Akva was pregnant...her own parents.
June: Hey yo Misses Singh. Ok so just so you know Akvamareen is giving birth. Yeah, she was pregnant that’s why you haven’t seen her in months, Sanjayson’s the dad. She doesn’t want anyone to see the baby though cause she’s giving it up for adoption. It’s not a closed one though, she’ll remain in contact with the parents, they seem like good people but maybe I’m biased cause I was a big fan of the adoptive mother beforehand. No this is not a joke, I hope you’ll understand. Riya: WHAT??? June: By the way, why are we holding our phone like that?
The reason for that is very simple. You see, for some reason, holding the appropriate phone for that pose caused June’s hair to turn the texture of the phone, spooky. As a result, she had to pick another one and for some reason, Misses Singh caused every phone to glitch no matter what. Life sucks like that sometime when you’re made out of pixels.
And then, after several excruciating hours of labor, Akva ended up giving birth to a baby girl, just like the ultrasound technician had predicted...Well, “predicted”, objectively speaking she could see the foetus was female, but who know, there’s always the possibility of a mistake happening. Or the baby could grow up and decide to not be a girl anymore, or she could have been intersex...Anyway, so far it seems like the baby is a girl. A girl who looked just like her mom, or at least the woman who gave birth to her, as Akva rejected that title. A little green haired mermaid, with lots of hair, lots and lots of hair for a newborn, with her father’s blue eyes.
A Halloween baby would have been cool, but considering she went into labour at around 10 PM, the odds were pretty unlikely unless she had gotten a C-section right after entering the hospital. Instead, the baby was born at exactly 5:00 AM on the first of November.
Now in the recovery room, the Coxs came to see their newborn daughter. They had a name in mind for her, but before, Paisley felt like it was more appropriate to ask Akva if she wants to name the baby. 
Akva: Absolutely not. Paisley: Are you sure? Akva: It’s your child, not mine. Pick the name, I don’t care.  Paisley: Oh um, ok. And do you want to hold her at least?  Akva: Nope. Damian: Are you afraid you’re gonna get attached? Akva: No, it is your baby, not mine. It’s not me who’s afraid to get attached, I’m afraid she’s gonna get attached to me if I hold her. Go enjoy your newborn, you deserve her. Now I just wanna recover and go back to my regular life. Paisley: God bless you Akva, God bless you.
Paisley and Damian took their new little girl in their arms, forever grateful of this wonderful gift what was a total stranger to them a few months prior gave to them. 
Whelp, that chapter of Akva’s life was hopefully over. Now, what’s next...
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occult-roommates · 1 year
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I’m putting my baby for adoption (not clickbait)
In the middle of the night, Akva couldn’t sleep, and just felt bored. Great, as if the rest of the time she didn’t felt constantly exhausted! At this hour, Kino was studying for their upcoming sociology exam, Charlie was at the vampire blood/food bank, Dawud was working night shift, while Rudi and Daniele were sleeping. She tried texting with her friends living outside the apartment, all of them were offline...
Speaking of her friends, first of all, none of them knew she was pregnant. This was out of fear one of them would tell her ex-boyfriend behind her back before she’s ready to tell him. She should do that soon, her second trimester is coming, same thing with making a decision on whether she’s raising the kid or putting it for adoption, since she decided to keep the pregnancy in general. That’s when a video popped up in her recommended, a random influencer crying about her recently found infertility, which make sense, she had watched a bunch of those in order to guilt-trip herself into not getting an abortion which...is honestly an awful idea but ok. Why is it always the one that want a baby that can’t and those who don’t want one who end up knocked up while actively trying to avoid it? Anyway, that one random influencer was different though, cause she remembered one of her friend was obsessed with her back in high school. 
That woman was named Paisley Cox, she was your run-of-the-mill fitness/lifestyle influencer, mostly known for also being the daughter of a Hollywood producer...And also for causing a power outage all across Del Sol Valley by partying too hard on her 21st birthday. 
Paisley: And so the doctor said it quite bluntly. I’m infertile. Even if I managed to conceive, odds are I wouldn’t be able to carry to term safely. And you know, I’m an Italian Cath, I spent my entire life thinking I’ll be a mommy some day. Akva: Ok, yeah, the classic.
Akva kept on watching, the video was like 20 minutes long and she had nothing better to do...
Paisley: My husband and I have talked about adoption. The other day, we were walking around the beach and we saw a family of mermaids with their toddler, and that toddler was so freaking adorable. Damian joked we could get ourselves a little mermaid, if we can’t have our own might as well get something cool like that.
Akva ignored that red flag of a phrasing and ran straight to the part about adopting a baby mermaid. She was a track-star back in high school, running is what she does. But like, she is a mermaid, her ex-boyfriend is a merman, which means their baby has a 100% chance of being born with gills and a fish tail! Without thinking, Akva opened Instagram and slid into Paisley’s DMs, with an offer you normally don’t randomly make by sliding in someone’s DMs.
The next morning, she went to the café a block away with Charlie, to have a little girl to girl talk...And then Dawud walked in, having just finished his shift, and blissfully unaware of what was going on, he invited himself at their table. 
Charlie: Please Dawud, this is not the time we are talking about women stuff. Dawud: Well sorry, I wasn’t intending on making you fail the Bechdel test. I just wanted a coffee. Akva: No, it’s fine, he can stay. I mean, it’s not really that womanly of a topic anyway. We’re talking about adoption. Dawud: A sweet, we��re getting a cat!? Akva: I am literally pregnant and you know it but somehow this is the conclusion you jump to?? Charlie: Anyway, as I was saying, putting your child for adoption is not a decision you should talke lightly Akva. It can mess up both the mother and the baby, and you’re already so young and a bit messed up. We all are in our apartment.  Akva: And you know what can mess a young mom? Raising a child she does not want! Which also, surprise surprise, will mess up the child too. Dawud: I don’t understand why you don’t just get an abortion. Charlie: She doesn’t want one. You can’t force someone to carry a baby but you also can’t force someone to abort. Dawud: I’m not forcing her, I’m just confused. You were right, this conversation is too womanly for me I guess. Akva: Anyway, it’s pretty obvious Charlie you don’t want me to put the baby for adoption because you want to raise it. Dawud: By the way, my friend Ralf was adopted and he turned out perfectly fine. Like he’s married and has kids and stuff.
Maybe not the best example though, cause at that very moment, at barely 8:30 AM, Ralf was busy uh...drinking whiskey while crying in his underwear...yeah...
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occult-roommates · 1 year
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Pilot
San Myshuno, here I come, Dawud thought to himself as he crossed the gate of the airport. As he was drifting in his mind, thinking of everything that happened in his life for him to end up in such an unusual situation, and what is to come, he ran straight into someone. Thankfully for him, the man, named Ralf, turned out to be friendly. Since none of them were currently busy, they stopped for a chat.
Ralf: So, what brings you here? Dawud: Uh...Work. I mean, this is the largest city in the world, people come here for various reason everyday. Th-There is nothing, absolutely nothing unusual about why I’m here Ralf: Well, the fact people come here for a variety of reason is exactly why I asked. Dawud: I said it, work. I recently got hired to be a janitor at this very airport. Ralf: Good for you. I am also here for work, you see, I’m a pilot. Dawud: Yes, I’ve noticed sir. Ralf: I think I quite like you, mind presenting yourself? Dawud: My name is Dawud Sahan, I am 22 years old, but I’m turning 23 in exactly one month. Ralf: And I am Captain uuuuuh...I am Captain Bralf, I-I meant Captain Ralf Montag. Uh shit uh...No, Ralf Bontag...I am Captain Ralf Montag. though everyone calls me simply Ralf, because it is my name. I am 45 years old, and have no idea when exactly I’ll be turning 46, however I can tell you it will be on August 1st.
As Dawud was about to answer, Ralf looked in the distance, and suddenly told him the conversation had to end now. Dawud watched as the man ran away from him, towards the main entrance of the airport. Uh, that’s odd, but whatever, he just met him, that’s none of his business. He probably has a taxi to catch or something.
Well, at least that did allow him to avoid the topic of the real reason as to why he’s in San Myshuno. Pretty sure the government employee who paid Dawud to relocate there after he witnessed unusual phenomena in the sky near the Strangerville lab would not be happy if the young man simply went around telling everyone. Especially if that everyone is a random stranger at an airport.
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occult-roommates · 1 year
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Get to know
Rudi and Dawud finally met their new roommates. After basic presentation, they all had a chat to get to know each others better. Quickly, Dawud came to realized he was the only non-occult in this house, except for this blue-haired person who said their name is Kim Graff.
Dawud: And yeah, that’s basically how I ended up in San Myshuno. Rudi: Aliens? Yeah, sure... Akva: I mean, if all the other occults are real, why wouldn’t alien be?  Kino: Can we switch the topic? Rudi: Is it rude to ask where your accent is from, Kim? I kinda dig it though, so don’t take it badly.
Kino didn’t know what to answer. Of course they have an unusual accent, they’re not even from Earth! They only ended up there three years prior, after their spaceship crashed in the Strangerville desert. Wait, if that’s where Dawud is from, is it another spaceship he saw? Well, might as well answer honestly then, especially if the other roommates are aware of Kino actually being an alien, even though Akva acted as if nothing was...
And then Daniele doubled down on it.
Daniele: They’re from Germany. Dawud: I took German classes back in high school and this does not sound like the accent at all. Rudi: You took classes? Bruh, I AM from Germany, Windenburg to be specific...Not saying that to roast you though, I agree, the accent sounds fuck all like that. Daniele: Wow, no need to be rude, it could be a different dialect. Rudi: Sorry, I’ll admit, I can be a bit abrasive sometime... Dawud: Also you told me that you’re from Costa Rican. Rudi: My mom is Costa Rican, my dad is German. So I spent my childhood in both countries.
And now, Kino didn’t know what to say even more. So they just...left the room. Rudi was starting to believe the “different dialect” excuse however, mostly because they had never met another nonbinary person from Germany, even though Windenburg is fairly queer friendly city, and thought it was super cool to finally meet another one. However, Kino is not really nonbinary in the human sense. It’s more a question of they can barely tell earthlings men and women apart, and their species only has one sex, so they never really developed a concept like men and women to begin with. This causes them to default to they/theming everyone, including themself. 
Daniele: Speaking of where we’re from, Dawud...Are you from the wood? Dawud: You see, this is exactly why my parents decided to spell my name with a U even though the spelling D-A-W-O-O-D is more common. Charlie: Did it worked? Dawud: As you’ve just witnessed, no it did not. Daniele: I mean, it might be spelled differently, but it’s still pronounced the same. Dawud: I kinda wish they named me Khaled like originally planned. But they were afraid nobody could pronounce it. Which like, if you can pronounce the J in jalapeño you can pronounce the kh in Khaled. Rudi: That’s the thing, most people can’t pronounce correctly the J in jalapeño either. Akva: I went to school with a guy named Khaled. He’s dead now.
Oh, alright then...As this conversation ended quite abruptly, Dawud simply sat there. He had just met these people, but they all seemed like nice individual. He picked the perfect place to live. Now that the introductions were done, time to see what comes next.
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occult-roommates · 1 year
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Well, this is it, Dawud was back to where he was exactly a year ago. He was back in Strangerville, back crying and miserable on Audrey’s couch, back to asking himself why he did the stupidest mistake of his life, back to making Audrey worry about him while his other loved ones were wondering about his whereabouts, back to feeling like garbage over all of that but unable to change it. Worst part is he knew damn well the longer he avoids it, the harder it will hurt once he faces his former roommates once again, just like when he avoided his mother for over a year.
You know, he’s back to square one.
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occult-roommates · 1 year
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Back to square one
A week had passed since the failed confession fiasco. Still, Dawud never came back to the apartment, except briefly that morning to gather his stuff in a suitcase. When he wasn’t at work, he wandered around the city, seeking shelters in various ways. He blocked absolutely everyone in his new life in San Myshuno, he did not want to see them, he could not handle it. Pretty much all of them or close are occults in one way or another, and he just out of nowhere went on this insane rant against them. Even if he was just pissed off and didn’t meant any of it, it’s pretty damn hard to apologize about that when he pretty much just said the same hateful rhetorics his occult roommates have heard against their kind all the time ever since they were little. If he were them he would not want an apology, they’d be dead to him. Hell, no need to pretend he’s an occult, if Daniele had called him a dirty Arab or a terrorist or something, he wouldn’t be friend with him anymore.
It kept on running through his head, that one question: why did he say that? He knows he didn’t meant it, he was just pissed and wanted to strike Daniele where it hurt, but why did he went there? Is this what he always believed deep down? He likes to believe he was raised to be a pretty open-minded guy, but you know, nobody is perfect. It felt a bit like as after spending years feeling numb, now all of his emotions were too intense for his own good.
So now, he was doing just like what he did the last time he fucked up massively, when he failed an assigment so hard he told himself “fuck it, I’m dropping out”. Cause not only was he avoiding the people he loved, he was now leaving everything, his new job, his new friends, his new life, everything, to live with Audrey and be a depressed mess. And in both case, it was kind of an impulse, an impulse for a complete rerouting of his life, but an impulse. Uh, he never really saw himself as the impulsive kind, but maybe he is deep down. Anyway, he still had to prevent Audrey he’s coming, so he was on the phone with her to tell her...the new. She took well the idea of him coming back, not so much the reason however.
Dawud: Assuming my flight won’t get delayed I should be there by around uh...Wait I’m taking the time zone into account let me do the math...Damn ok I should be here by...maximum 3 PM. Audrey: Ok but at that time I might be at work so I’ll leave the door unlocked for you. And speaking of time zone it’s like 6 AM in Strangerville so I’m going back to sleep before my alarm clock rings. See you later. Ralf: Dawud???
Dawud turned around and saw the tall man kinda run-walk towards him, before unexpectedly hugging him. Ralf was also one of the many people he blocked, luckily he didn’t came across him while at work that week, but you know, it was only a matter of time before he’d see him at the airport.
Ralf: Daniele told me what happened, he’s worried sick about you. All of us were.  Dawud: Why should he worry me, I hurt him deeply. It’s not logical, he should hate me. I would hate me if I were him. Ralf: Well, he’s still your friend. You might have messed up, but it seems like he’s still willing to give you a second chance if you explain yourself a little bit and apologize.
Well, that was reassuring. Still, he wasn’t backing out of his decision. First of all the plane ticket was already bought, second of all he has quit his job and he doesn’t have the patience to get a new one in San Myshuno, third of all Audrey is gonna be real disappointed if he tells her he’s actually not going back to live with her. And he’s been disappointing enough people as of late. So, he sat down with Ralf on a bench, the same bench they had their first conversation months and months prior.
Dawud: I really don’t know why I said that. It feels like I’ve been possessed but you know, saying “oh I wasn’t acting like myself” is such a bullshit excuse for shitty behavior. I am me, everything I do is myself, unless I’m acting. If I’m actively lying then that means myself is a liar. Ralf: Every time I talk to you Dawud, it seems like you’re just now finding out at 23 that human beings can be messy and complicated, and you’re absolutely floored by this fact. Dawud: And all of that because I got rejected, that’s so stupid! I mean, in my defense, I never got rejected before, but still, I feel like at my age I should be handling it better than that. Most teenagers probably handle it better than that. Ralf: I mean, I did even more moronic and life ruining things just for some spellcaster’s bussy.  Dawud: I...I...Please never say that word in front of me ever again??? Especially when we’re having a serious conversation. Ralf: Moronic?
Ralf started rambling that Dawud shouldn’t leave, the airlines he works at, Wind-enbair, doesn’t fly to the western United States. In fact, San Myshuno is pretty much the only destination out of Europe that they offer with the exception of some North African resort towns. That is pretty much only because San Myshuno is the world capital and has several European communities there, along with like every continents, but Wind-enbair is a German airlines. Dawud didn’t care. He’s wants to act as if the whole of 2019 never happened.
Dawud: But I swear I don’t actually hate occults. Like, I’ve been living with them for months and even before, Audrey is 1/4 fairy on her mother’s side...I don’t even know what point I’m trying to make anymore. Ralf: Hell, I could be an occult. You don’t know me...I mean, I am not. But I could be...  Dawud: A-Are you??? Ralf: Nah. You saw me touch water and I didn’t turn half-fish, I do not have blue skin and fangs like a vampire, I wish I had powers like a spellcaster or a fairy, and werewolves cannot be pilot. Dawud: Wait really? Werewolves can’t? Ralf: Yeah, that sucks for them. I know a guy who accidentally got turned into one, ruined his career and then pretty much his entire life. Awful...Anyway, on brighter news, I heard Akva had her baby. She’s pretty cute. Dawud: I didn’t know you were in contact with my ex-roommates to be honest like first Daniele and now her? Ralf: Well, I don’t really reach out to them, it’s always the other way around, and just them. I never met your other roommates. But like, speaking of Akva, I hope she’s ok. I remember when I had my first son, he too was an accident but he quickly became the best part of my life. He’d be around your age nowadays...I miss him. Dawud: What why? Why do you... Ralf: I need to go!
The older man stood up and started walking away, almost running from his younger friend. To be honest, Ralf was switching from topic to topic in hope of making Dawud change his mind about going back to Strangerville. But now, he had said too much, way way too much. In fact he’s been saying too much this entire conversation, but that was the straw that broke the camel back!
Cause to also be honest, there are many things about him that Dawud do not know, and he does not want him to find out about it. Maybe it’s better this way that Dawud doesn’t want to see him ever again actually...
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occult-roommates · 1 year
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Busy day at work.
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occult-roommates · 1 year
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Hairy situation
The Halloween party organized by Paisley was going well. A storm was supposed to start during the night, but so far the weather was lovely which good, cause they were on a roof mostly outside. The reason Paisley was in San Myshuno that week is quite obvious, Akva was on the verge of giving birth, so she had to be there to finalize the adoption. Jay and June also came, as it is still technically Jay’s baby and June wanted to be there for her best friend.
Jay: I am freezing. June: What were you expecting, it’s October 31st and we’re on a rooftop in New Jersey. Jay: Also I have my dick and balls taped to my asshole right now so I can fit into these leggings and I am deeply uncomfortable. June: ....I didn’t need to know that. Akva: How did it even cross your mind to try doing this? Jay: It’s a popular method used by drag queens and also trans women so you don’t have a bulge. Akva: How do you know that? Jay: I just know how to use Google ok. Leave me alone...By the way, I don’t mean literally taped like don’t put duct tape on your genitals. June: Oh my god that reminds me- Jay: I am terrified but go on. June: Like, you know I have PCOS so I’m cursed with growing chest hairs but like, do you know how hard it is to shave your chest when you have titties? So what I did once is I tried flattening them by using tapes and boy was it A MISTAKE. Almost lost my nipples that day. Jay: Speaking of shaving, I should have done it. I wanted to look like a pretty mermaid but instead I look like a weird pervert. June: Aww, don’t say that. Look at Akvamareen, she’s a pretty mermaid and she has super hairy arms! Akva: Fuck off. I literally did not have those before I got pregnant and no matter how much I shave them they keep coming back within hours, this is hell! My only hope is that they’ll fall off once this is finally all ov-
As she said that, what felt like the worst pain of her life hit her, like being struck by lightning through the navel. She excused herself and waddled to the bathroom, each step being harder than the last. Shit shit shit shit shit shit. It’s happening, it’s happening now, in the middle of this Halloween party.
Sure, she should have expected it considering she was 41 weeks pregnant. But for fuck sake, she really tempted fate when she said earlier the odds of her going into labor at the party were still pretty low.
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occult-roommates · 1 year
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The poor man’s Area 51
On the 20th of September in 2019, the day which took the internet by storm when a bunch of nerds tried to raid Area 51. Oh, how much did Audrey wished she could be there. Sadly, she is an adult with a job now, so she couldn’t go. Furthermore, at this point, living alone with only a cat in the middle of the desert was starting to drive her insane. So, Dawud caved in, and he accepted to drive the 24 hours to visit her. 
Ok, caved in sound like it’s something he didn’t want to do. It’s more that he didn’t really want to drive all alone for so long. Especially since he knows how to drive, but he kinda hates it and has never owned his very own car. So he got Daniele to come with him...only to find out Daniele never even tried to pass his driver license, so he obviously doesn’t have a car. But you know who knows how to drive and has a car? Matteo. And you also know who Daniele has been trying to introduce Dawud to for a while?
Eventually, they made it to Strangerville, and you know, as compensation for the fact she couldn’t be at the Area 51 raid, they decided to bring Audrey UFO haunting in the outskirt of the small town. After all, if there’s one person who can confirm that indeed, weird things are flying above the Strangerville’s sky, it’s Dawud.
Daniele: Finally, you get to meet my best friend since we were babies. Her name is Audrey Newberry. She works in a chemistry lab, she loves aliens, and she’s also extremely smart. We used to be in the same program for gifted kids. Daniele: Ciao bella, I’m Daniele, should have been the heir to one of the most powerful spellcaster family in the world but they disowned me when I was around 12. Audrey: Are you flirting with me? Dawud told me you’re gay so I’m confused. Daniele: I love your honesty and straight to the point approach to conversation! Dawud: And me, Matteo, I’m your cousin’s roommates. Matteo: I kinda know you at this point, I spent the equivalent of an entire day with you in a car, and we took a break in a shady hotel room. Dawud: To be fair, it wasn’t that shady. You just grew up rich so you have squewed expectation of what a hotel should be and that place smelled kinda bad. Daniele: “Kinda bad”. It smelled straight up rancid. But anyway, next time I should try using a teleportation device.
Hearing this, Matteo just popped off at him. Doesn’t he know teleportation device are not only extremely rare, less than 10 models left in the entire world (though it’s highly likely the Rossinis have one lying around considering their status), but they’re also illegal for several reasons. First of all, just having anyone be able to teleport anywhere would be a mess, which you could argue only spellcasters can use one as it is magic powered...But more importantly, it also has a 15% chance of killing you, and that is when it’s used perfectly and as intended, so imagine when it’s like...not.
Matteo: And also, magic is cheating. It’s the 21st century, you don’t need it 99% of the time. Daniele: Boohoo, we get it, you’re a self-hating spellcaster. Nobody cares, get over yourself. And don’t act like you never threw a healing spell on yourself when you were sick. Audrey: ANYWAY! Gentlemen, the sun is setting, which mean potential UFOs might be seen at any time now. We got to start looking now.
And so, the four of them looked at the sky, laid on the desertic ground, stargazing for hours upon hours, waiting for something. Though, every single time they saw something flying above them, it was very obviously an airplane, though Dawud did get lucky and manage to spot a shooting star at some point. What did he wish for? Well, he could have wished for Daniele to love him back, but he decided to be a bit less selfish and have a wish that has less...weirdly brainwashing implication assuming he doesn’t love him. In short, he wished for Audrey to be united yet again.
...Actually, he could see how this would play off. She sees a flying saucer, the same government agent who sent him to San Myshuno does the same to her, and there it is. Her loneliness is fixed, she has some proof of alien life, they live near each other again and she can join his new friends group, which will allow her to meet Kino. All would be great!
Sadly, it was eventually 3 AM, and still nothing. At that point, everyone in the group was exhausted, and as much as Audrey did not want to give up, she’ll wait til sunrise if necessary. But the boys wanted to leave, so she had to take the L.
Audrey: I-It’s so unfair. It seems like everyone in this town has an alien story, except me. Even you Dawud, your alien story in fact changed your life for the better. Do even extraterrestrial life form think I’m a weirdo and want nothing to do with me just like humans do?  Dawud: Look, we’re staying with you the entire weekend, we still have three days to see UFOs.
That wasn’t enough for Audrey, now she was afraid. What if the aliens really do indeed not like her?!
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occult-roommates · 1 year
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Getting increasingly confused, after work, Dawud asked Daniele to talk to him in the hallway. It’s almost more intimate that way than in the apartment with all the other roommates. As soon as he asked, the young spellcaster knew what it was about, guilt washing over him, especially since it was obvious Dawud was like...not pissed, but obviously not happy either.
Dawud: Why the fuck did you lied about making out with Ralf??? Daniele: I...I’m sorry, I lied because I thought you would judge me if I said my actual answer. So instead I just described the scenario of a weird dream I once had...No really it was really weird, Peter Griffin was also watching us on Facetime. Dawud: Wait, what’s your actual answer? Daniele: I don’t wanna say. It’s embarassing really. Like, you had Charlie once even if it didn’t last. I’ve never been with anyone... Dawud: Dan, I asked if you’ve ever been in love, not if you’ve ever been with someone. Like, I also had never been in a relationship before Charlie, and like you said, that didn’t even last a month. Don’t feel ashamed to tell me that, I’m the last person who should be allowed to make fun of you, especially at your age. In fact, Dan I- Charlie: GUYS DINNER’S READY!
Oh well, so close. Seems like it’ll be another time...In fact, he should really start planning on telling Daniele already, you know, before he actually makes out with “a dilf”. 
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occult-roommates · 1 year
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Setting the record bi
After the bombshell that was Daniele’s reveal, Dawud had to call Ralf. Except first he had to go to work. As soon as he made it to the airport, he grabbed his phone, responsabilities be damned. He had worse stuff to worry about.
Meanwhile, Ralf was in a hotel room near the San Myshuno International Airport. He was supposed to go back home in Windenburg the day before, but that flight got cancelled due to dangerous weather conditions and now he’s stuck there for almost another day. Yippee.......
Anyway, as he was doing his absolute best to forget about his boredom, seeing a phonecall from Dawud seemed like good news. Unless Akva is in a crisis again, but he likes her, she’s a nice girl, he wants to protect her so much. All of this to say that innocently, he answered it and oh boy. Maybe he should have just not.
Ralf: Hallo. Dawud: YOU FUCKING MADE OUT WITH DANIELE?! YOU KNOW I WANT TO BE HIS BOYFRIEND WHAT THE FUCK DUDE! Ralf: ...What...
Ralf stood up, in pure confusion, then did like a lot of people do sometime on the phone, which is just walk around. 
Dawud: Yeah, he told me he made out with you while Magdalena watched on Facetime. Ralf: Who the fuck is Magdalena?? Dawud: ...Your wife... Ralf: That is not even remotely close to my wife’s name. Dawud: ...Oh. Ralf: Also, even if he had somehow manage to get my wife’s name out of the millions of female names out there, trust me, he would still be lying. I have no interest in making out with a guy who’s young enough to be my son, no offense. No problem befriending, but making out...no that’s just weird. Especially if my wife is just awkwardly watching us through Facetime...Actually, I think this is my personal definition of Hell, and I’m Jewish, I don’t even believe in Hell. Dawud: Ah um...well...Alright then, sorry for bothering you that early. Have a nice day. Ralf: Thanks, you too.
Dawud hung up, and went to do his job. On one hand, he was relieved to find out Daniele had lied, on the other...why did he felt the need to do so in the first place? Wait...What if Ralf is the one lying uh? In fact, like an idiot, he forgot to ask what his wife’s actual name is! Though in this case he could be lying about what her name is...Aaaah why can’t he tell whether people are being honest or not?! Though really, he’s more inclined to believe Ralf, he gave good enough argument as to why this story is fake, on top of sounding genuinely confused.
As for Ralf, he went back to doing his stuff. However, in spite of Dawud wishing him a nice day, he had a gut feeling he wasn’t going to have one...No, literally, his stomach made a noise you never ever want your stomach to made. Which he really shoudn’t be surprised considering everything that was laying in front of him on a coffee table.
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