#like refusing to eat or sleep/neglecting his self needs... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

demxters · 10 months

Text

—LOVING YOU IS ENOUGH

frat!jake seresin x f!reader

dagger squad college!au

summary: a week after the fight that tore you apart, jake finds out about the accident. (part 2 of a losing game)

wc: 9.3k

warning(s): 18+, fem!reader, no y/n (reader goes by nickname ace), recommended to read a losing game first, angst galore, swearing, mentions of alcohol, drunk driving (don't do it), bad parental relationships, academic pressure, hospitals, description of injuries

part of the loving you universe || find it on ao3 here

𝐅𝐄𝐄𝐃𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊, 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒, 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐑𝐄𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐃 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃!

Jake Seresin used to think he had no regrets in his life. Every time he was close to feeling as if that were so, the universe found a way to turn it around and prove to him that he made the right choice. Choosing to go to USC for instance, instead of staying in his home state of Texas, he thought was the biggest mistake he had made in his life. Then USC led him to Delta Chi where he made lifelong friends, and ultimately he met you. So no, Jake Seresin had no regrets in life. Yet as he sat under the fluorescent white lights of the sterile hospital waiting room, Jake was able to think of one.

All the days passed by in a blur, with Jake finding himself in a robotic routine that helped him get through the day:

Wake up

Go to class

Eat

Do not think about Ace

Nap

Eat

Do not think about Ace

(attempt to) Sleep

It wasn’t the healthiest of routines, but it was enough to keep him surviving. At least until he began receiving your texts. Your apologies and declarations of love made him weak, making it much harder for him to stand his ground and give himself the space that he told himself he needed. With each passing day, he found it harder to convince himself that space is what he actually wanted. So he silenced your notifications. The bright red badge continued to grow in number and it took all of his power to not give in and click your contact.

By the fifth day, Jake thought he was actually doing pretty well. He was even studying for his finals and going to every single one of his study groups that you had suggested he try. Even as one thing or another always led back to a reminder of you, his self control was much more restrained and he felt just a little bit lighter.

Jake missed you like hell, that was for sure. But maybe this fight was a sign for him to work on himself. To be better not just for you, but for himself as well.

So he did what he thought was best by pulling a page from your book and choosing to throw himself into his work. He shut everyone out, refusing to go to any outings with Javy and the gang. He didn’t answer his phone and barely left his room other than to go to classes or use the bathroom. Jake ignored the fact that in doing so, he was neglecting his physical and mental health. In turn, making this coping strategy of his more harmful than good. While he thought his obsession with his isolation and studying was “making himself better,” he didn’t realize that the only thing he was really doing was actively avoiding the problem at hand.

But as day seven rolled around, Jake’s fake it till you make it attitude came crashing down. Upon returning back to his and Javy’s shared room in the Frat House after his final exam, Jake fell onto his bed and finally let himself feel.

Jake Seresin has never felt so alone. After days of avoiding, he gave himself permission to think about you–to miss you. Remembering the last time he saw you and the last moment you shared, he could feel the tears that began to gather on his lash line. Too tired to hold it in, he let his emotions go. He let the sobs and cries for help he has been burying in his chest break free. He was tired, so damn tired, of pretending like everything was okay. Like he was okay.

He wanted someone to notice that something was off with him, that something happened to make him feel absolutely miserable in his own skin. However, everyone was too caught up in their own whirlwinds of final exams, studying, and relationships to notice that Jake was struggling to stay afloat without his life preserver–without you.

His heart ached and longed for you. Your voice, your touch, your love. If he could take it all back he would. He would’ve come back to you without a second thought. Jake would have gathered you in his arms and sat with you all night long until the two of you could work it out. Because he wasn’t Hangman anymore. He wouldn’t leave you out to dry. Yet somehow he managed to do exactly that.

With the only thing on his mind being you, he finally mustered up the courage to read all of the texts you had sent him days prior. The first few made his heart ache, reading your heartfelt apologies and declarations of love was enough to make him start crying all over again. Teary eyed smiles graced his features at your small anecdotes and pictures of things that reminded you of him.

He could hear your voice and see your mannerisms in his head at each text he reads through.

Jake’s euphoria is interrupted by the fifth call he has received from Natasha. He rolls his eyes before immediately declining her call. Nat probably finally talked to you about what happened and he figured she was calling to rip him a new one. He definitely wasn’t in the mood for that right now.

His smile grows as he scrolls through his phone, especially at the photo of a golden retriever you saw on campus that “looked like him.” A playful scoff leaves him at that as he imagines the way you would’ve jumped up and down on the tips of your toes, clutching onto his arm, as you justified how he was a golden retriever in human form. This was the closest he felt to you in days and he wished for it to never end.

Jake continued on, savoring every good night and “I love you” text, every apology, and every good luck you wished him on his exams. Though one series of texts was enough to have the fullness in Jake’s heart flushed empty. He reads them over and over again, praying that he read them wrong.

I failed my exams, Jake. I don’t know what to do.

His heart skips a beat.

I can’t go home this summer. I won’t. I can’t face my parents, they’ll hate me forever.

But the worst of them all, the one he begs was a prank being played on him by the universe read: I’m taking your silence as a sign that I’ve fucked us up beyond repair. I love you, Jake Seresin, even if you no longer love me.

He’s going to be sick. Sure he was mad, but he never wanted you to ever think that he didn’t love you anymore. That was just a statement that could never be true. Jake was done wallowing. He was done making you both suffer because he wasn’t man enough to confront you. Swallowing his fears and his pride, he begins formulating a text to ask you to meet him at The Hard Deck–somewhere familiar, though not too intimate just yet.

He’s about to press send when a phone call from Javy interrupts his screen. Jake instantly presses decline, however, he barely has another second before Javy’s name pops up again.

With an agitated sigh, Jake finally answers the phone, swearing up and down that whatever he was calling for better be something good. “The hell you want, Javy?”

“Jake–” he starts.

“Look, I’ve been getting calls from Nat all day and I’m assuming that’s why you’re calling me right now,” Jake vents. “But I really, really don’t have time for a lecture from either of you right now, man.”

“Jake.” Javy’s voice shifts into something more somber, more serious. “Ace’s been in an accident.”

It’s as if his feet have processed the information long before his brain did. Jake blacks out, barely recognizing the actions in which he’s pulling on his shoes and rushing out of his room and into the common living area.

The air is knocked out of his lungs, forcing him to grasp for leverage on the edge of the table. Jake can hear Bradley asking what’s wrong but all he can focus on is Javy’s breathing, the sound of people rushing around in the background. The phone slips from his hand and he feels like his entire rib cage is caving in on itself, crushing his heart. Black spots swim on his vision and there’s a hand on his chest telling him to breathe.

“Come on, Seresin,” Bradley’s voice comes through. “Breathe.”

A heavy exhale escapes him as he desperately tries to catch his breath. He’s muttering an incoherent string of words, stumbling his way through the room and trying to get to the front door.

Bradley is right on his tail, yanking on his own pair of shoes and grabbing the phone that Jake haphazardly dropped on the floor in the middle of his attack. “You gotta tell me what’s going on, man, you’re scaring me.”

Jake abruptly stops at the front door, turning to look at Bradley over his shoulder with something worse than heartbreak in his eyes. He doesn’t say anything more other than, “Ace. It’s Ace.”

That’s all Bradley needs to hear before he’s grabbing the car keys from Jake’s hands and dialing Javy’s number back into Jake’s phone.

Jake could hardly remember when he got to the hospital, let alone how he was able to navigate himself to get to the ER without help when the only thing on his mind was you. He couldn’t even recall what Javy had said about the extent of your injuries, just that you were still unconscious from the car accident.

Upon reaching the ER Jake saw Nat sitting in the waiting room with her head in her hands while Javy sat beside her and gently rubbed a comforting hand up and down her back.

Bradley and Jake’s heavy footsteps alert the couple. Nat’s head shoots up, her red rimmed and teary eyes locking on Jake’s. She’s storming over in seconds, pushing at his chest angrily.

“Why the hell didn’t you pick up your phone?”

“Nat–” he starts, only to be silenced with another harsh shove. He takes the brunt of the hit, knowing he deserved every single one and worse. “I’m sorry.” Jake winces at how pathetic he sounds.

Natasha shakes her head with disappointment clouding her features. “Sorry isn’t gonna fix this.”

Javy joins the group, nodding at Bradley as he gestures for him to sit down. He places a hand on Jake’s shoulder asking him to do the same. He only brushes Javy’s hand off, taking a step closer to Nat.

“Is she…is she okay?” He braces himself for the worst. Jake’s heart beats so fast against his ribcage that he swears he could feel the muscle begin to ache.

Natasha inhales shakily before collapsing into the nearest seat. “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” The fear in his veins begins to mix with annoyance and fury. The rational side of him knew he shouldn’t be mad at Nat, but the only thing occupying his thoughts was the idea of you not being okay. Having to hear that you were in the hospital was already bad enough. He doesn’t think he could take anything more.

“I mean, I don’t know!” Nat’s voice rises with that same frustration and fear. “All the lady on the phone said was that she was in a car accident with four other people from our school. From what I understand, the others made it out okay, but the car that t-boned them…” Her voice wavers, recalling the words she heard earlier that evening and imagining the worst. “The other car hit Ace’s side head on. She took most of the impact. The other four made it out okay with barely any scratches.”

Jake’s hands are shaking as he braces them on his knees, desperate to catch his breath. He didn’t realize his knees had hit the floor until he felt the sting from the solid ground. But he didn’t have it in him to care about anything other than you right now. Jake desperately tries to piece everything together from your texts from the night before but nothing was making sense. Everything he was trying to understand came out between shallow breaths. “Where did she go? Why was she out so late? Who was she with? Why weren’t any of you with her?”

“Jake,” Bradley interferes, squeezing his shoulder as a gentle reminder to breathe.

Jake catches the way Javy clenches his jaw from the corner of his eye which has him demanding answers. “Javy.” There was something his friends weren’t telling him, making the searing hot anger in his blood begin to boil.

Nat saves her boyfriend by giving up the information for him. “Before you get upset, you need to understand that she didn’t tell any of us where she was going. None of us had really seen her lately and just assumed she was stressed out from finals. We didn’t think things were this bad.”

“What aren’t you guys telling me?”

“Jake,” Javy starts cautiously. He kneels down beside his friend, speaking nice and slow, almost like he was conversing with a child. “If we tell you, you have to promise to stay calm.”

He scoffs in disbelief, rolling his eyes at his best friend. “How do you think I’ll be able to stay calm? I just found out my girlfriend has been in an accident and no one wants to tell me what the hell is going on!”

“Javy, just tell him. He deserves to know,” Bradley sighs.

“Damn right, I deserve to know. I’m her boyfriend!” Jake’s seething as he gets up and starts pacing back and forth. People are beginning to stare but he doesn’t give a damn.

It’s Nat’s turn to grow agitated. “Really? Because last I heard the two of you were on a break.”

“Wait, what?” Javy looks at his best friend in bewilderment.

Nat shoots him a look that says, I’ll explain it all later.

“Doesn’t matter if we were on a break or not. She’s still my girl and I need to know what happened.”

The conviction in his tone and the strength on his face are enough to make Javy and Nat cave. Hiding this from him would only make things worse than they already were.

Nat doesn’t dare to meet Jake’s eye as she says, “She was with some Alpha Sigs and their girlfriends. Everyone in the car was intoxicated. Even the guy at the wheel. They were coming from the Alpha Sig house. I don’t know what the hell they were doing in a car like that but I know the Sigs are in interrogation with the police right now.”

Bradley clenches his fist. “Those bastards.”

“Ace was the only one whose condition was critical.” The word critical falls short on her tongue, being whispered into the tense atmosphere.

Jake’s silence is unnerving. They were expecting an outburst of some sort. Some screaming, maybe even some physical aggression yet not of it came. The sound that fell from Jake’s lips was worse than anything they could’ve imagined.

It was as if everyone in the room heard his heartbreak as he was unable to control the tears that fell from his eyes. The feeling of overwhelming guilt rushed over him at the realization that he should have been there. That this was all his fault. You would have never humored the idea of an Alpha Sig party in the first place if the two of you had just talked everything out. But you weren’t thinking straight, and neither was he, leading the both of you towards the path of least resistance. Instead, Jake had to be stubborn and sensitive. He couldn’t just man up and admit that you were more important than his ego and pride.

Nothing matters to him anymore upon his epiphany other than needing to see you. You were the only one that could help him.

“I need to see her,” he says through nasally breaths.

During Jake’s spiral, Nat had let tears of her own fall. “They’re not letting any of us see her right now. Just family.” The last part tastes like acid on her tongue.

“We’re her family. They need to let me see her,” he begs. Jake remembers you telling him that he and your friends were truly the only family you have ever known.

“Biological, Jake. We can’t. Not until her parents get here.” She doesn’t even try to hide the scowl on her face.

“Well, where the hell are they?” Jake questions.

“Bora Bora? Or was it Barbados? I have no fucking clue. The nurse said it sounded like they were more upset about their vacation being cut short than their own daughter being in the hospital.”

Jake hates that he wasn’t too surprised to hear that. How ironic that the real people you considered family were here and yet they wouldn’t even let them see you.

Jake swallows, trying his best to ignore the stickiness of his throat. “Then I guess I’m staying here until then.”

Javy, Natasha, and Bradley share a look of uncertainty at his words. Certainly, it wasn’t healthy for him to be there all day and all night waiting for your parents to get there. It was Jake’s determined look and sureness that also let them know that there was no talking him out of this. The three make a silent, unspoken pact to watch over the boy until then.

Jake wasn’t giving up. Not now, not ever. Leaving you was the biggest mistake he has ever made. He was never going to let that happen again.

Seventy-two hours later and Jake was still left in the dark about your condition. He desperately wanted to sneak into your room and see you. He was close to lying to the nurses and saying he was your cousin if that was what he needed to do. But the rest of his friends convinced him to be patient. Though it hurt, the pain lessened with them around.

Like clockwork, the group would come to the hospital to wait for any news and to take care of Jake. The mornings would consist of Javy and Natasha bringing Jake a new change of clothes and breakfast. His afternoons were spent with Bradley dragging him back home to take a quick shower while Bob stayed at the hospital until they returned. The first day was like pulling teeth with Jake. The scene would have been quite amusing, if not for the seriousness of their situation. Bradley looked like he was dragging a child through the hospital with how stubborn Jake was being. A quick phone call to Javy had him fixing his attitude.

“You don’t want the first impression Ace gets of you after so long to be that you stink, do you?” he had said.

So he reluctantly obliged, returning back to the hospital freshly bathed under 45 minutes flat.

Jake’s evenings were spent with Mickey and Reuben force feeding him dinner and trying to distract him with mediocre board games.

The next day, the cycle would repeat. Then again on the next. Their distractions were welcomed and he appreciated how they have been there for the both of you through everything. When night fell and the waiting room emptied, Jake stayed right where he was.

He would bury himself into the neck of his sweatshirt and try to get as much sleep as he could. Sleep didn’t come easy to Jake. All of the “what if’s” and the fear of missing the moment you’d wake clouded his thoughts to the point where sleep just seemed absolutely impossible.

The only ones left in the waiting room were the few straggling family members waiting for their loved ones and the nurses who passed by every now and then. The dim lighting and eerie silence, bar the sound of heart monitors and the occasional code call, were more than enough to have the voices in Jake’s head amplify in volume.

It was his own voice, berating him for not checking up on him sooner. For being hard headed and too full of pride to approach you first. It was Javy’s, telling him that you got into an accident. It was your last I love you. No, not last. He won’t entertain that idea.

No matter how much he willed himself not to, he couldn’t help but think to the last time the both of you spoke. Jake hated himself for not saying those three words back to you. He never thought that one choice would lead to the possibility of never hearing your voice again, touching your soft skin, or seeing your bright eyes full of life. Of never loving you again. What hurt him the most though, was the possibility that your last thought of him may be that he didn’t love you anymore. That was far from the truth.

He loved you more than he thought he was capable of loving someone. Jake has had his fair share of girlfriends and flings, but not one of them made him feel the way you did with something as simple as a look in his direction. That’s all it took with you. One look and Jake knew you were it for him. Nothing else mattered.

Jake hated himself for making you doubt that. Jake hated himself for leaving that night and most of all he hated himself for not saying it back. Now, all he wanted to do was shower you in love and reassure you that despite the sting of your words, he never stopped loving you. He can’t imagine what he would’ve done if he was in your shoes. Right now, he wished he was. If he could be in your place and take your pain, he would.

But he can’t and if something worse were to happen to you, Jake would be the one to live with that pain and burden. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if it came to that.

It’s funny to think that three years ago, Jake would have rolled his eyes and scoffed at the image of himself being hopelessly in love. Now you were his everything–the thing he couldn’t imagine his life without.

It was a miracle that he was able to fall asleep that night with no nightmares. The exhaustion must have finally caught up to him because his sleep was so deep that he woke up to Javy frantically shaking his shoulders to get him to wake.

His eyes snapped open as he came to. His senses readjusted to the environment around him before remembering where he was and why he was there.

Javy sounded like he was underwater as Jake shook himself awake. His vision finally clears and he sees the rest of his friends already there in the room. A quick glance outside was enough to tell him he slept through breakfast and probably lunchtime too.

Jake, still feeling groggy, was completely disregarding everything his best friend was saying. He assumed he was being given the same spiel he’s heard for the past three days about needing to eat and take care of himself.

Then Javy says something that has Jake snapping wide awake.

He barely gives him another chance to repeat himself before Jake is scrambling to his feet with bleary eyes and disheveled hair. He had no other cares in the world right now other than to confirm that what Javy had said is true.

The sweet nurse who Jake had familiarized himself with during his stay gently caught him by the wrist and tugged him towards the hall.

“Her parents got here an hour ago, but since she woke she’s only been asking for you,” Nurse Donna informed him.

A small flutter works its way around Jake’s rib cage and down to his stomach upon hearing her words. He can no longer contain the nerves that flood through his system as he continues to clumsily follow Donna, tripping over his own feet in the process.

When Donna finally lets go of his wrist, he stops outside the door marked with your last name for just a moment. Hesitation and fear cloud his mind. Maybe Donna was mistaken. What if you weren’t actually asking for him? What if she had misheard? What if–

“It’s okay, honey. Go see your girl.” Donna urges him with an encouraging smile.

His girl. God, he missed hearing that. He gives her a small nod of gratitude and exhales softly. Jake’s shaky hand reaches for the silver knob. Giving it a forceful push, he makes his way through the door frame. His feet skid to stop at the threshold and his breath hitches in his throat as he’s met with the sight of those beautiful eyes he’s been praying to see for days on end.

Two Years Ago

Jake didn’t understand why you were so cold towards him. You were even able to warm up to his frat brothers Javy and Reuben. He was dying for it to be his turn. It got to the point where Jake would just breathe while standing beside you and you’d let out a loud groan and move beside Bradley.

Jake hated to admit that he was jealous of Bradley’s ability to get along with you so easily. After your little moment in the library, he thought things between the two of you would be easier, lighter. Instead, it became the absolute opposite and Jake was close to doing something stupid just so you would pay attention to him again. He doesn’t know why, but ever since that day in the library, he found himself desperate for your attention. He was filled with the satisfaction he used to get when flirting with sorority girls. He hasn’t been able to feel that since you.

He doesn’t know what he did to make you dislike him so much. If only he knew, then maybe he could do something to rectify your predetermined notions of him.

Even now as he attempted to butter up an Alpha Phi girl, his green eyes were constantly drawn back to your figure on the other side of the aisle. The high pitched voice of the girl in front of him turned into white noise as Jake zeroed in on you. Suddenly, getting this girl to come to the party tonight was the last thing on his mind.

You hadn’t noticed him yet. If you had, you probably would’ve made a B-line toward the exit already. You were standing on your tiptoes with your tongue slightly poking out from the corner of your mouth. Brows furrowed in concentration, you desperately tried to grab a book on the top shelf. After a lousy first attempt, you try a second time. This time, you rock back on your heels for momentum before launching yourself upwards. Your second try is just as unsuccessful as your first.

Jake shakes his head with amusement as he watches you try for a third time. Your third attempt was just as successful as the last two, leaving you standing empty handed.

“Hey, Becky? Why don’t we finish this conversation another time, yeah?” He gently pats the girl on the arm, all while keeping his gaze trained on you. Jake barely waits for the girl’s response, missing her disgruntled correction of, My name’s Brittany! that falls from her lips.

You’re staring heatedly at the book on the top shelf. He strides over to you, patiently waiting for you to notice him. He stands beside you, also looking up intently at the book, with his arms crossed over his chest. His lips quirk up at the corners as he notes the way your body tenses upon sensing his presence.

All you do is roll back your shoulders as if preparing for one last jump. Jake stops you before you can even make your attempt.

“Sit tight, Ace, your savior’s here.” His left hand hovers over the small of your back while he extends his right arm to reach the book you were looking for. An over dramatic sigh leaves his lips as he brings his arm down and hands the book out to you. His green eyes twinkle with delight as you cross your arms in annoyance.

You turn to meet his gaze, your own stare burning into his.

Jake’s stomach does the strangest thing upon catching your eye. He suddenly finds himself mesmerized by their beautiful color. The intensity of your stare makes him feel like you can see right through him, all the way into the depths of the most hidden parts of his soul. He could get lost in them if you let him.

Breaking eye contact at the intensity of his gaze, you scoff, snatching the book from his hands. Swiftly turning on your heels, you make your way toward the end of the aisle. You stop right at the end and pause before turning over your shoulder to see Jake still eyeing you in bewilderment. “Careful on your way out, Seresin. Your head’s getting so big I’m afraid it might be a bit of a tight squeeze.”

For once, his brain seems to have shut off and he’s unable to think up a cocky or witty remark. He watches you go with intrigue and admiration. His stomach does another somersault as he recalls the exact shade of your eyes and the sway of your hips.

You are going to be the death of him.

“Jake?”

Just like that, he can finally breathe again. Tears gather in his eyes faster than his feet can bring him to the edge of the bed. Jake’s sweeping your hand that’s not hooked up to the IV in his and he lets out a breath of relief at the feeling of your skin on his. A feeling that he was afraid he’d never get to have again.

“Jake,” you sigh, the moment his hand is in yours. You breathe his name like it was your first full breath of fresh air. It falls from your lips like a prayer. Soft, sweet, and full of conviction.

He gives himself a moment to scan your body. Jake’s heart fractures even more than he thought was possible given everything he’s been through this past week. Upon seeing the state you were in, anguish crashes down onto his body. His shoulders feel heavy and his knees are weak at the sight of your pretty face all battered and bruised from various hits you took. There’s a nasty gash on your forehead that was barely holding itself together with the bandage that was placed there. Your right arm was in a cast and your left knee was propped up and wrapped up in a bandage of its own. He hopes that this was the worst of your injuries, but he knows that the extent of them goes deeper than what he can see with his naked eye. Your skin was adorned in a variety of scrapes and scratches, all of which Jake desperately wished he could kiss away.

The shallow movements of your chest and the pained whimper that leaves your lips have him carefully running his other hand over the side of your head, softly soothing you. He bends down to gently rest his forehead against yours and the second his skin makes contact with yours, he’s unable to stop the tears that begin to fall. Jake’s eyes squeeze shut and the heaviness that has been pushing on his chest since the moment he walked away from you finally subsides. His grip on your hand tightens ever so slightly as if to tell himself you’re here, you’re alive, you’re okay. The same words leave him in a hushed whisper that he shares between the two of you. Though they were more of a reassurance for himself.

A shaky exhale escapes you at his words and the way you’re gasping for air signifies that you’ve started crying as well. Part of it was from the tight pain in your chest and the other from the utter disbelief that this was real–that Jake was really here.

The first thing you thought of the second you woke was Jake. You were positive that he wasn’t going to be there, but you desperately begged for him anyway. The shock on your parents' faces that clouded your vision quickly turned to disgust as you refused to listen to their words. Your mother had tried to reach out to you, but you thrashed in her touch and frantically shook your head as you cried out for Jake.

You were in near hysterics and your parents were staring at you in shock and horror but you didn’t care. You didn’t care that they were there when all you wanted was Jake.

Your mother begged Nurse Donna to sedate you. The sour look on Donna’s face was missed by your mother as she left the room. She thought that Donna had gone to grab the sedative. However, when she returned without a syringe and with a boy, your mother almost fainted.

You, on the other hand, thought you were dreaming when you saw him walk through that door. You just couldn’t believe that even after everything, Jake was there. Then he touched you and you broke down. His scent invaded you. His touch that you’ve craved like a drug for days on end was finally yours again. The reality that he was there was more than enough to have you breaking down again.

“I’m sorry,” you slur, still slightly drowsy from the medications. “I’m sorry,” you mutter over and over again as he places his forehead on yours.

You feel him pull you closer and shush you gently as tears of his own run down his face. You did this. You made him cry. If your limbs weren’t so heavy and numb you would’ve brushed away all the tears that ran down his perfect face until his eyes were finally dry.

Jake’s elation shatters at your words. You had absolutely nothing to be sorry for right now. If anything, he should be the one on his knees begging for your forgiveness. He opens his mouth to speak before getting cut off by someone in the corner of the room clearing their throat.

Jake’s attention was so focused on you that he hadn’t noticed your parents standing there this entire time. Hot, white fury fuels him at the sight of them looking more bothered than worried for their daughter.

“You didn’t tell us you had a boyfriend,” your mother practically sneers at him.

Jake wills himself to pull it together, for your sake.

“Mom–” you start.

“How does that make you feel, son? Knowing your girlfriend didn’t tell her own parents about you?” This time, it’s your father who speaks up, eyeing Jake up and down. “Insignificant, I would say.”

“Dad! Stop it!”

The stress in your voice is evident and the spike of your heart monitor grabs Jake’s attention.

You barely had enough strength to defend Jake against their venomous words. He looks at you with wide eyes, asking for your permission to speak to them. Had this been under different circumstances, Jake wouldn’t need to think twice about biting his tongue. He probably would have snapped back at them too if he didn’t notice the unnecessary stress this entire situation was putting on your shoulders.

You shake your head at him before glancing toward your parents. “Please. Please leave.” You didn’t want them here right now. You didn’t need anyone but Jake right now.

Offended, your mother scoffs. “You’re choosing a boy over your own parents?”

This time, Jake decides to jump to your defense. “I believe she asked you to leave.” He looks over his shoulder, narrowing his gaze at your parents who stand unbothered across the room.

“Why should we listen to you?” Your mother fights back.

You start feeling lightheaded from the entire situation and you lay your head back, sliding out of Jake’s hold slightly. “Please,” you ask with the little strength you have.

Noticing the warmth of your skin leaving him, Jake gently follows the movement of your head and cradles it while helping you lower your head to the pillow. His full attention is back on you as he scans you for any more distress. Jake was getting angrier by the minute. Couldn’t your parents see how much stress they were causing you? Why wouldn’t they just leave? He was close to yelling at them now but was saved by Donna entering the room.

“Your daughter asked you to leave,” she tells them sternly. “Now I suggest you listen before I call security to have you both dragged out of here.”

Your mother’s jaw drops and your father shakes his head with a scowl. Putting his hands up in surrender, your father is the first to leave.

Your mother, however, lingers for just a moment more. “I can’t believe we left the Bahamas for this.” She always had to have the last word.

Once the room is free of their presence you heavily exhale, looking at Donna with a grateful smile.

She nods with a small smile of her own. “I’ll let you kids have a moment. Oh, and don’t worry, I’ll be right outside in case your parents try to come back.”

“Thanks, Donna,” Jake sighs, his eyes never leaving yours.

She winks at the both of you before softly closing the door on her way out.

“Are you–” the both of you say at the same time.

You avert your gaze with a nervous chuckle and Jake smiles, urging you to go first.

You take a moment to observe the boy in front of you. This Jake was not the one you saw the last time. This Jake was tired and worn out. If the dullness of his green eyes and the dark circles that surrounded them weren’t a telltale sign of his exhaustion, it was the paleness of his skin and his sullen cheeks.

“Are you okay?” You ask timidly. For the first time since you started dating, you find yourself feeling incredibly anxious about him. You were the reason why he looked like this, so empty and void of life. You didn’t even deserve for him to be here right now.

Jake shakes his head with a sad smile playing on his lips. “You’re the one in a hospital gown and you’re asking if I’m okay?”

He presses a sweet kiss to your forehead and you almost cry from the contact.

“That’s my Ace, always worrying about me.” So much fondness shines in his eyes, causing you to finally break.

The tears start flowing again, scaring Jake just a little bit.

“Your Ace?” You sob. Somehow, you knew he had already forgiven you, but you still didn’t think you deserved it. “How can you even stand being here with me after everything I did? I hurt you, Jake. I hurt you and I am so, so sorry.”

“Hey,” he whispers, softly stroking your hair. “It’s okay.”

“No, no it’s not okay. Nothing about this is okay!” You hiccup and hiss at the sting it causes in your rib cage.

“Ace, breathe for me sweetheart, come on.” He gently coaxes you with teary eyes of his own. He needs to hold it together for your sake. He needs to be strong for both of you.

“It’s not okay,” you sniffle.

“Shh…” Jake sees how much of a toll this entire thing has taken on you.

Your eyelids are drooping heavily, but you will to keep them open. You’re afraid that once you close them, you’ll wake up to find that this was all just a dream. That Jake was never really here to begin with and that you were all alone.

Jake pulls the empty chair that was beneath your bed closer to him and takes a seat. He encapsulates your hand between both of his and brings them to his lips. “It’s okay, Ace. Sleep,” he guides.

“No.” You tiredly fight against the exhaustion that is threatening to take over. “No.”

“Sleep,” Jake requests again. “I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

“You promise?” You whimper.

“I promise.” He gives your hand another kiss for safe measure, already seeing that your eyes have already begun to close. With his lips still pressed against your skin, he swears, “I’ll be here, Ace. I promise I’m never leaving you again. I love you. So fucking much.”

Jake doesn’t miss the faint smile that ghosts your lips as sleep finally takes control of your body.

Two Years Ago

He finds you lying on the dewy lawn of the Delta Chi house splayed out like a starfish. “What in the…” he mutters to himself as he makes his way towards you.

Jake stands over you, coming into your vision upside down causing you to giggle.

“Ace?”

“Hangman!” You exclaim with a dopey smile on your lips.

He rolls his eyes at the name and crouches down above you. “What are you doing out here all alone?”

You sigh dreamily. “Stargazing.”

Jake catches the scent of cheap beer and jungle juice on your lips, letting him know you were currently far from sober. That makes him worry just a little bit. Last he heard you didn’t drink. You despised it actually.

“How much have you had to drink?” He asks for safe measures.

Another giggle erupts from your lips as you hold up all ten of your fingers and even your feet, wiggling your toes in your sandals. “This many.”

That’s all Jake needs to confirm that you are long gone. “Where’s the rest of your friends?” He glances around looking for any sign of your roommates. All he sees are drunk couples making out on the front porch and the occasional flash of disco lights that escapes through the front windows and open door.

“Dunno,” is all you say with a lazy shrug.

Jake sighs, finding himself caught in a dilemma. He had a smoking hot blonde waiting for him to come back inside and bring her upstairs. So why did he feel so guilty about the thought of leaving you out here to fend for yourself? The two of you were hardly even friends, acquaintances at most. He only saw you after your group project because his friends mingled with your circle of friends after miraculously getting along upon meeting each other.

Yet as he looked down at you staring awe struck up at the sky, he knew he couldn’t just leave you out here alone. Pushing himself off his knees, he groans. “Mind if I join you?”

You shrug. “Mi casa es tu casa. Or no, wait. Tu casa es mi casa. Get it? Cause this is your house?” You laugh at your own joke.

Your laughter is infectious, plaguing Jake with a few chuckles of his own. He lays on the damp ground beside you, resting his arms behind his head. “Not really my house, darling. It’s the fraternity’s.”

“Same thing,” you wave him off.

The two of you lay there in comfortable silence, watching the night sky. Jake had to admit, this was the most fun he has probably had all night even if you were doing nothing but looking at the sky.

Out here with you, Jake felt like he could let his guard down. His cocky, playboy, frat boy persona disappeared. When around everyone else, he felt like he was expected to act a certain way but being out here with you, he knew you expected nothing of the sort.

That was one of the first things that caught him completely off guard when he met you. All it took was one look at him and you were picking him apart, dissecting all of the fronts he put up around others. That’s why you bothered him so much. He barely knew anything about you and somehow, it was like you knew everything about him. You saw through his charms and arrogance, leaving no room for any funny business.

Jake’s shoulders fall from his ears and he lets himself relax.

Hearing you shift beside him, he wants to ask you what was on your mind. His curiosity never failed to make itself known when you were around. Again, he knew that you didn’t drink, so why were you absolutely wasted right now?

The question is on the tip of his tongue, begging to be asked, but he exhales gratefully when you speak up first.

“My parents are assholes who care about nothing but my grades and their image.”

He’s not sure if he was meant to hear what you just said or if you realize it’s him that you’re talking to. So he stays quiet and patiently waits for you to continue.

“It’s parents’ weekend next week and they don’t even bother to answer any of my calls or texts about it. And when I do hear back from them it’s a halfhearted apology that they can’t make because they’re off on the other side of the world.” A dry laugh escapes you. “I don’t know what I was thinking when I invited them. I knew they weren’t going to show up, whether they were actually here or not. I mean… is it too much to ask for them to just show up and be proud of me?”

Jake sits up with a frown on his lips upon hearing your voice crack. He hesitates, unsure of what to say. He was never good at the whole comfort thing, especially when it came to crying girls. He used to try to comfort his sisters when they would cry, but he always just seemed to make things worse. He didn’t want to make you feel worse than you already did. “I’m sure they’re proud of you, Ace. They’d be idiots not to be.”

You scoff, seemingly sobering up just enough to push yourself to sit up beside him. “I guess they’re idiots then.”

Jake’s mouth runs faster than his brain can manage to keep up.“Hey, at least you have parents. I mean...look at Bradley.”

That pulls a snort and a teary laugh from you. “Oh my god! Jesus, Seresin…” You’re laughing. You feel bad that you are, but the delivery of Jake’s words was so nonchalant that you couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “You’re insane.”

He joins in your laughter, glad that he was able to pull your attention from your inner turmoil even if it was just for a minute. “What? Am I wrong?”

“You’re not, but come on. That was so uncalled for,” you shake your head in amusement.

Jake sends you a toothy grin, captivated by the way your smile grows.

“Jake!” The sound of another feminine voice catches both of your attention. The blonde he left inside earlier was running down the porch steps and in their direction. “There you are,” the girl exclaims, throwing her arms around him as she joins him on the ground. She presses an obnoxiously loud kiss to his neck with a smile. “I’ve been waiting for you, Cowboy.”

As if suddenly realizing where you were and who you were with, you tuck your chin to your sternum and avoid his gaze. He grimaces in the other girl’s hold.“Ace–”

You go to stand, still wobbling from the alcohol but you’re coherent enough to know where you were going. “Looks like duty calls, Hangman.”

The girl gives you a cheeky smile as she moves her lips from his neck to the side of his face.

He doesn’t miss the somber note of your tone. Jake watches you sway on your feet as you make your way back inside. He wants to reach out to you, beg you to stay but he holds himself back. With a sigh, he pulls the girl who’s clinging to his side up to her feet and flashes her a halfhearted grin.

Even with his newfound company, Jake couldn’t get you out of his head.

True to his word, Jake never left your side since you woke up. If the doctor’s needed to personally evaluate your condition, he would step outside but immediately come back in once the doctor gave him the okay.

Your parents haven’t made another appearance since that first day and you were relieved. Your friends have been in and out of your hospital room once you were moved to the regular hospital floor from Urgent Care.

Your body was still pretty weak due to the severity of your injuries but you felt stronger than you have in weeks. Being surrounded by your friends, your family, gave you some of that strength back. Most important of all, being with Jake had you feeling invincible.

The doctors were thrilled with your rate of recovery and predicted you would be discharged in the next couple of days.

Though Jake kept his promise to you, you still had a sliver of doubt about where the two of you stood relationship wise. You tried to bring it up a couple of times, but Jake would only respond with a shake of his before telling you not to worry about it now.

You were just a bit afraid that this was his way of letting you down easily. That this was his way of telling you that he loved you, but he just couldn’t be in a relationship with you anymore.

But then he’d do something as small as brushing your hair gently from your face as you ate or held your hand before you fell asleep at night and that little bit of worry would subside, if only for a moment.

You’re laughing at Reuben’s lame attempt to sink Nat’s battleship when Jake gives you a quick kiss on the cheek muttering a soft, “I’ll be right back,” into your ear.

You shoot him a soft smile and nod, before returning your attention to your friends’ antics.

Meanwhile, Jake makes a quick run to the coffee machine down the hall. He barely makes it five steps there when he runs into someone right outside your door.

He looks up and almost spews out an apology before realizing exactly who he ran into.

The look of distaste that falls upon his face is anything but subtle.

Your mother shares a look with your father, who sneers at the sight of him.

Being born and raised by his southern gentleman of a father and kind hearted mother, he knew he still had to show some respect towards your parents despite his dislike for them.

He gives them a nod as a form of greeting and silently prays that they let him slip past them.

“You should leave now before it gets worse,” your mother speaks up.

Jake knew he should probably ignore it. Leave your mother without the satisfaction of getting under his skin. But he couldn’t. He stops in his tracks. Glaring at them from over his shoulder, he hissed, “Excuse me?”

Your mother only shrugs, pulling her handbag tighter over her shoulder. “She’s not worth your time or the trouble. Trust us. As her parents, we would know. How does it make you feel? Knowing you must mean so little to her that she didn’t even mention your existence to her parents.”

Jake was finally tired of biting his tongue. No one, not even your own parents, talked about you like that. Not if he could help it. “With all due respect, I know she didn’t tell you about me and frankly, I don’t blame her considering the way you treat your daughter. Besides, how would either of you know anything? You’re never here so you’d never know just how worth it your daughter is. I would walk through hell for her. Something I know neither of you would ever do.

So no, you don’t know. You don't know just how thoughtful and sweet and caring she is. You don’t know just how incredibly smart she is. Most of all, you would never understand that she is worth everything.”

Jake is breathless at the end of his speech. His chest heaves as he catches his breath and harshly swallows from his passionate spiel. You were everything and the idea that anyone would think otherwise astonished him.

Your mother barely bats an eye. “Well, I guess you wouldn’t mind completely taking her off our hands then. Considering she moved so far away from us for college, you can tell my daughter to not even bother coming back home to visit us because apparently, we’re never here for her anyway.” She storms past Jake in suppressed fury, muttering to herself, “The Bahamas!”

Your father, on the other hand, pauses for a moment. He opens his mouth like he wants to say something and glances through the doorway before looking back at Jake and clearing his throat. “Just, um, just tell her the hospital bill will be taken care of once it comes in the mail.” He gives one last look at your hospital room before scurrying in the same direction your mother had gone.

A sigh of relief escapes Jake’s lips from the encounter, diminishing his prior craving for caffeine.

He makes his way back into the room to see three pairs of eyes settled on him. Jake’s a bit unnerved at all the attention he’s receiving and he’s slightly confused by the way Nat, Reuben, and you were all staring at him.

He nervously chuckles, running a hand down the back of his neck.

Reuben suddenly stands up, grabbing his battleship board. “I think we should continue this outside, right Nat?”

She nods with a smile grabbing her board as well. “Yeah, let’s. We’ll give you two a minute.” Natasha squeezes your hand as she ushers out of the room.

Jake shifts back and forth on his feet, feeling a heat of embarrassment flow through him. “You heard all of that, didn’t you?”

A look he can’t fully decipher on your face. “Yeah, I did.”

“I am so sorry if I crossed a line I just—“

“I love you.” You cut him off teary eyed.

“What?” He breathes, the wideness of his growing smile no longer contained.

You give him a smile of your own that matches the look of love and pure happiness that lights up his features. “I said I love you. I heard you, that first night you stayed over but I was too afraid to say it back. Just in case you didn’t mean it the way I did anymore. But then you…”

Jake cups your face in his hands, nodding to encourage you to take your time.

“But then I heard what you said to my parents and no one has ever stood up for me that way.”

His thumbs begin to trace gentle patterns onto the apples of your cheeks.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I love you and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel otherwise.” A tear finally escapes from the corner of your eye that gets gently pressed away by Jake’s lips.

“Oh, sweetheart. I’m sorry if I ever made you doubt my love.”

You shake your head, desperately hoping he understands that none of that matters now. “You’re here now. That’s what matters. I love you, Jake Seresin.”

Finally, after days of waiting, he kisses you softly on the lips. It’s not rough or hungry, despite how long he’s been waiting for this moment. It’s soft, delicate, and full of love. It’s passionate and heartwarming. It’s the kind that you could feel all the way to the tips of your toes. Just like the first time.

“I love you, Ace. You’ll never have to doubt that again.”

Your relationship, just like your body, wasn’t one hundred percent healed. There were still many things the two of you had to talk about.

However, knowing that Jake loved you didn’t make the unspoken parts so scary. Having him, loving him, is enough.

a/n: a super duper, huge thank you to @blue-aconite for beta reading and being just the best support system through this entire journey <3 she even swayed my original plans for this so you should thank her for jake and ace getting back together sooner that anticipated lol as usual, reblogs, feedback, and comments are all greatly appreciated and the inbox is always open

add yourself to my taglist!

tgm taglist: @joaquinwhorres @harrycherrylove @smoothdogsgirl @t-nd-rfoot @dempy @ollyoxenfrees @potato-girl99981 @averyhotchner @2guysonascooter @loveforaugust @blue-aconite @fandom-life-12 @stiles-banshees @iamdannyday @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @breezemood @eli2447 @angelbabyange @finelytaylored @pono-pura-vida @hecate-steps-on-me @blueoorchid @aviatorobsessed @blackwidownat2814 @hallecarey1 @averagereader35 @laneylovesglen @atarmychick007 @kajjaka @urfavelocagirl @clancycumber230

#jake hangman seresin #jake seresin x reader #hangman x reader #jake seresin x f!reader #jake seresin x you #jake seresin x y/n #hangman x you #hangman x y/n #hangman x f!reader #jake seresin oneshot #hangman oneshot #frat!jake seresin x reader #college!au #hangman x ace 📚#loving you universe #demxters writing

531 notes · View notes

old-poptart · 2 years

Note

HELLO!!!

Can I requests Yandere Hanako, Mitsuba, and Teru when they first kidnap their darling and their darling refuses to eat, sleep, and do other basic needs for their health??

Their darling basically refuse to survive, how would they react to this?

You can choose if they are headcannons it a oneshot!!

a/n: HELLO!! this sounds mighty interesting 😈

that road trip tired me out so I'm finally writing this- onto the headcanons!

warnings: starvation, self neglect, insomnia

Yandere Hanako 🌺, Mitsuba 📸, and Teru 🤺 who's darling refuses to take care of themself:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hanako 🌺:

"dear, you and i both know you need it"

hanako isn't the type of yandere to neglect your basic needs

he'll actually spoil you with everything you want, as long as he's able to access it

when you would refuse food, even your favorite, he would be very concerned

maybe you're sick? not hungry? you're allergic? he needs to know if his darling isn't comfortable! after all, he is holding you hostage in his bathroom

if a couple days go by and you've barely eaten, he'll try to talk you into eating more or else he'll have to do it his way

he would sneak food in your mouth whilst you slept and help you chew and swallow it

speaking of sleep, you don't get much of it

hanako knows that humans need their nightly 8 hours, so why are you not getting them?

he'll put his two fingers to your forehead, hoping you'd fall asleep

he'd have to do this regularly if it meant that his darling has a good night's rest

he'd go beserk if it didn't work-

Mitsuba 📸:

"i still care about you, dummy"

he'd tease you a lot, about anything really

"hey dummy, why aren't you eating? pfft- you need to eat, dumba$$"

after a while, he'd start to get you to eat. he'd still bully you about it though, how you need your cute and amazing boyfriend to take care of your feeble self

if you'd still refuse to eat, he'll practically bully you into eating

he is keeping you in his boundary after all~

mitsuba would also notice that you're sleeping less

another reason to bully you

he does care about you after all! he would tire you out by you doing things for him, being his servant, running errands, etc

if you still didn't sleep, he'd stay up with you

he needs to stay with his darling as long as possible~

plus, eyebags do look good on you~!

Teru 🤺:

"how am I supposed to live happily if my sweetheart is barely living?"

he has a lotta money, so anything you want or need will be at your feet in a split second

like hanako, he spoils his sweetheart rotten

he'd make a big deal about you not eating, it pains him so much!

he'd make assumptions that the food he was giving you wasn't good enough or that is wasn't to your taste and that he analyzed every little detail about you wrong

teru would immediately ask you what kinda food you want, he needs his sweetheart to eat so they can stay together forever~

if you're still not eating, he would try anything to get you to eat, even the most humiliating things like feeding you whilst making airplane noises

he would have you sleep with him while you're chained to the bed, can't have you escaping now dear~

he would have to uncuff you and escort you to wherever you need to go in the house at night

whenever you're having sleep problems, he'd tell you stories about all the supernaturals he had to defeat and what happened during training

if you still didn't sleep, he'd go as far as getting a little birdie he knows to get you some shut eye, only if it was that necessary

other than that, he'd attempt home remedies but fail miserably and just give you melatonin

SRRY THIS CAME OUT LATE- HOPE YOU ENJOY!

-ooga :D

#tbhk x reader #hanako #hanako x reader #mitsuba sousuke #teru minamoto

113 notes · View notes

thoughtfulfoxllama · 7 months

Text

I wish I could just fully understand and know how to deal with my trauma

Even more than that, I wish more than anything I didn't have to go through the stuff I did. And I'm just mad that everyone I grew up around either actively harmed me, or stood by and let it happen

I never felt safe at home. My mother and uncle were in & out of jail, and drug addicts. My uncle was an alcoholic, who repeatedly attempted suicide in front of me. In the rare event they were both out of jail, they would shout at each other all the time, punch through walls & doors, and in one case, push each other across the room (leading to my mother dragging me out of the house, and trying to make me sleep on a park bench over the night)

And then there's how they'd treat me. If I got bad grades (basically, below A+), they would yell at me, telling me if never be worth anything. My mother told me that I'd better get a good job, so she can have somewhere to live when her mother dies. She lost custody of her little brother because of all the drugs she was on, and just needed to go to rehab for 6 months. I literally begged her, crying to go, but she didn't think it was worth it (showing how much she values us)

My uncle claimed he loved me, but treated me as "one of the guys" (and, I'm just saying, the fact he was in his 30s-40s, buying beer for teens, and letting his 4 year old nephew drink one is sus). That's when he wasn't dragging me out of bed in the middle of the night to eat dinner (giving me horrible rug burn on my chest after dragging me all the way to the kitchen), or burning me with a cigarette

And my grandmother, she basically raised me. She said she didn't want to lose another grandchild (my mother abandoned my sister with her paternal grandparents, and my older brother was taken away because she did Meth when she was pregnant with him). But, she said she'd never stop her from seeing me

The issue is, she neglected me. Anyone who knew me after 2016 knows about the time I had a 104° fever for 2 days straight, and I didn't go to the hospital (thankfully, the fever broke before I did). But the fact she knew her children were delinquents, and still got them to watch me is unbelievable. She continued to let them watch me, even when both of them had restraining orders, because they were too horrible to be around kids. But no one was there to advocate for me, so I had to live through that for 15 years

And then there's the mental stuff. I was horribly bullied at school (and still preferred it to home, which she knew, so that should've told her something), and she didn't question why. I was eventually diagnosed with ADHD & Depression. I'm self-DXed with Autism, but most places won't do adult testing. So, what did my grandmother do: she ignored it. She lied whenever someone asked if I was ever tested for ADHD or Autism (I never was, but she repeatedly said I wasn't). And I don't blame my teachers anymore (because there's apparently a stupid law that they're not allowed to even bring up the possiblity of a kid having some disorder), but I blame her for not caring enough to even look into it. And for instilling ableism I'm me, so I never considered the possibility (well, I considered it several times, but I refused to accept it, because I couldn't bring myself to actually look past my preconceptions until I was adopted)

Eventually, my life settled down when my Great-Grandmother had a fall, and we moved in. She didn't much like me, but we avoided each other for the most part. Then, my grandmother died. She never taught me to live on my own (I couldn't even do laundry). I lost 40 pounds in 2 months because I was just too depressed to eat. I still don't think I'm over it, because even though I'm mad at her, she was the woman who raised me

And I won't deny that religious trauma is real for most people, but the LDS Church helped me alot, and continues to help me. I have a community that actually cares, friends who genuinely like me, and a philosophy & theology that teaches I am divine, worth loving. I have issues with the culture (such as my worth being defined by my work), but ultimately, it does more good in my life

And I don't know how to deal with any of this. I still deal with self-hatred, occasional outbursts (which further deepen the aforementioned self hatred), and a general "eh" feeling (it's way worse without my meds, and I've had a few bursts of real happiness recently)

I don't want to hang on to the past. But I don't know how to deal with everything (because this doesn't even cover it all. I never mentioned things like when I was SAed when I was 5, because it wasn't done by anyone I was related to).

#tw neglect #tw abuse #tw ableism #trauma #child abuse #child neglect #tw sa mention #emotional damage

4 notes · View notes

virtue-and-beneviolence · 10 months

Note

Hey there! I'm here to get toxic and find me a TR man that can cope with it ☺️

My toxic traits are.

Prone to impulsive behaviors, ask forgiveness not permission is my mission statement.

Obsessive and clingy tendencies, if you don't text me for 3 hours+ clearly you must hate me.

Codependent but I also refuse to ask for help.

Anger issues, normally stemming from any perceived abandonment.

Take care of everyone else but refuse to take care of myself. (Example- telling friends to get sleep when I haven't gotten a good night's sleep in literal eons.)

Thanks so much for reading all this, hopefully that's enough to come up with something I tried to think of more but it's 5am and I'm exhausted 💀

Inui wants you to stay toxic....

Inui understands impulsivity and anger issues to his core and yeah, he's calmed down a bit with age, but that doesn't mean he's forgotten what it's like. It just means he's learning to cope differently. He's got your back and if you're ever in need of help with those things or anything else, he's going to take action. He won't ask, not all the time. He might take you to eat, he might pull you kicking and screaming to bed, he might drag you to the gym (with promise of a reward) if you need to get energy out. He'll do little things to mitigate anger and the self care you can sometimes neglect. He's much more service oriented, though, so mind that when expecting text communication during the day.

#StayToxic(MatchUps)#thanks for playing

6 notes · View notes

naminethewriter · 2 years

Text

Hurt No One Knew About Chapter One: Something’s Wrong

Masterpost | Next | Ao3

Story Summary: Logan has been acting weird for the past few weeks and the others aren't sure what to do about it. When Janus appears looking for Remus they strike a deal: He figures out what's going on with Logan and afterwards they'll help search for Remus.

Turns out the two problems are more connected to each other than anyone thought.

Content warning: discussion of self-neglect

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is silent in the commons this morning. Virgil and Roman sit at the kitchen table which is prepared for breakfast. Neither speaks but both can feel the uncertainty in the air. Nervously, Virgil fiddles with the strings of his hoodie while Roman is staring holes into space, chewing on his bottom lip. Both anxiously wait for Patton’s return. He’d gone upstairs to see if Logan would join them for breakfast.

For the past two weeks Logan had been acting strangely. Well, he’d been acting unusually before then too but that felt different. That felt like he had something on his mind that was making him restless. He was more silent than usual and often lost in thought. There had been sadness in his eyes but none of them could figure out how to approach him, to ask if he needed – no, wanted help.

Then he’d locked himself in his room for two days. Which was concerning but not something that hadn’t happened before. The others had agreed to leave him alone for a bit and if nothing changed try and figure out how to help him. But before they could Logan emerged from his room himself. Different than before.

Before he had been slumping, his normally perfect posture absent under whatever mental weight he was carrying. That day he came out of his room standing up straight (ha). Before he hardly noticed them if they didn’t make themselves known. That day he almost snuck up on them, greeting them with his usual ‘Salutations’. Before he had been avoiding eye contact, maybe to try and hide the feelings behind them. That day he looked at them without fear, his gaze unreadable.

They thought that maybe he had figured it out, whatever it had been. When they asked, he reassured them that it was nothing important and that the situation was now resolved. They weren’t sure if they believed that. But they couldn’t bring themselves to dig deeper and risk shaking the confidence he had built up.

It was okay for about a week. Logan still felt off somehow and spent most of his time working but seemed satisfied with that. Then he started getting up later, started missing meals, gave shorter responses. About three days ago he refused to leave his desk and hasn’t left his room since.

They don’t know if he’s sleeping. Or eating. Or drinking. Or doing anything besides working.

There is a creak up the stairs.

Roman and Virgil’s heads immediately snap towards it. Shortly after Patton comes into view. In his hands the familiar dark blue mug with the Milky Way printed on it, still steaming.

Logan had refused his morning coffee.

Again.

Something was definitely wrong.

Patton arrives at the bottom of the stairs. His lips wobble and tears gather in his eyes. Quickly, Roman and Virgil are at his side. The former pulls him into a hug while the latter takes the mug from him and carefully sits it down on the table before joining in. They stand there, huddled together, for a little while until Roman slowly pulls away.

“Let’s sit down, okay?” Patton simply nods, sniffling, his eyes now red. Virgil leads him over and takes the seat next to him. Roman hurries to the kitchen and gets him a glass of water.

“He doesn’t even let me near him,” Patton whispers miserably. “He told me to stay at the door and when I asked him if he would join us for breakfast, he said that he doesn’t have time for such unimportant things. He wouldn’t take the coffee either!” Virgil hands him a handkerchief so he could clear away the snot now running out of his nose. He takes it with a small “Thanks”.

“We can’t force him to come down. At least we tried, right?” Virgil knows right when he says it that it doesn’t sound all that comforting but he can’t think of anything else. It feels like his anxiety is eating him alive, but his fight or flight instincts are not really useful in this situation. Thankfully, it’s in this moment that Roman comes back.

“Virgil’s right, padre. You did your best but if he doesn’t let us near him there isn’t much we can do,” he says in a gentle tone, pressing the cool glass into Patton’s hand who gratefully drinks.

“I know. But it doesn’t feel like it’s enough! He’s working himself to death in there! We need to do something, right?” The other two stay silent. They are all at a loss of what to do. Logan wouldn’t let them in so what else is there but force themselves in? But that would be crossing a boundary they aren’t ready to cross.

So they’re stuck.

“We should eat,” Roman speaks up again, eventually. “We won’t be able to think of a solution on an empty stomach, am I right?” He tries to say it with a flourish, to motivate the others and himself but it doesn’t really work. Virgil and Patton nod in agreement but it’s clear that neither of them really believes that it will help.

At least they wouldn’t be hypocrites.

They eat in silence. Mostly they stare at their plates and push the food around, only once in a while taking a bite and not really tasting anything. Their minds go a mile a minute, trying to think of something they could do but they come up blank.

Then, a pop.

They look up, hoping to see Logan finally coming to join them but instead there’s Janus. Who himself looks rather unusual.

His hat looks ready to fall off his head, hair underneath poking out and looking disheveled. The clip on his cape is undone, the chain softly swinging from side to side while the fabric is about to slip off his right shoulder and onto the ground. He’s fiddling with one of his gloves, not really looking their direction. He curses under his breath, finally pulling the glove into place.

Roman clears his throat and Janus’ head snaps up. His eyes widen, apparently not having registered where he had appeared.

“Something we can help with, Bananaconda?” Janus stares for a moment longer before he hastily rightens himself as well as his clothes.

“Of course,” he says as he fixes the clip on his cape, “I definitely meant to come here. This is where I was going, yes.”

“Doesn’t look like you did,” Virgil comments. Janus hisses at him. Virgil hisses back.

“Girls, you’re both pretty, we have other things to worry about.” Now the hissing is directed at Roman who rolls his eyes. “Seriously, we have an issue to sort out, so whatever you want, Lyin’ Man, spit it out so you can leave again.”

“Roman, be nice! I’m sure Janus isn’t here to cause us trouble, right?” Patton interjects, frowning slightly.

“Right. I was just looking for Remus, have any of you seen him?”

“Looking for him? Looks more like you were chased around by him.”

“Well, I was on his side of the imagination but his… creations were a lot more hostile than usual, so I left a bit more suddenly than I had planned,” Janus admits, brushing off some dirt from his pants.

“What do you mean, more than usual? They’re always bloodthirsty beasts,” Roman grumbled.

“To you, maybe. They leave me alone because I actually have Remus’ permission to be there.”

“So, does that mean that he doesn’t want you there anymore?” Patton asks and Janus freezes.

“That… sounds plausible. But I have no idea why he would do that. We didn’t have a fight or anything and he’s never locked me out before.”

“Like he needs a reason to do anything. Isn’t unpredictability his whole shtick?” Roman scoffs. “He’ll probably be back later and laugh his ass off about the whole thing.”

“Yeah, him vanishing isn’t really unusual, did it all the time back then,” Virgil adds.

“Yes, but he’s never been gone two entire weeks before.” That gets their attention.

“Okay, yeah, that is weird.”

“When did you see him last? Maybe we can help you look?” Patton offers but Virgil interjects before Janus can answer.

“We can’t right now, Pat, we have our own thing to worry about, remember?”

“Of course, but we don’t know what to do about that, right? So, we can help him until we think of something, I thought.”

“There’s no finding Remus if he doesn’t want to be found,” Roman argues. “He’s like a cockroach, unkillable. I’m sure he’s somewhere waiting to scare us. Doing something about Logan is way more important.”

“Logan? What about Logan?” Janus cuts back in and Virgil immediately glares at him.

“None of your concern.”

“On the contrary, Virgil, anything that might be harmful to Thomas is my concern and if there’s something wrong with one of you, it could easily influence him.” Unable to argue, Virgil huffs and looks away.

“He won’t come out of his room,” Patton explains. “Whenever we offer him something to drink or eat, he calls it a waste of time and sends us away. I don’t think he’s sleeping either.”

“That is indeed concerning,” Janus hums. “How long has this been going on?”

“It’s been three days since he won’t come out, but he’s been acting off for longer.” For a moment they are all quiet, Janus seemingly deep in thought. Roman and Virgil exchange a glance, both having a bad feeling about this.

“What are you thinking about so hard, Snake Face?”

“Whether I missed something. Normally, when a side is neglecting themselves so severely, I can feel it to a certain extent. Their exhaustion starts influencing Thomas and that is then directed towards me.”

“So that’s how you always found out,” Virgil comments, staring at Janus with confliction in his eyes.

“Found out what?”

Virgil and Janus answer at the same time:

“Nothing important.”

“When he would avoid sleeping for multiple days.”

Patton gasps.

“That’s not healthy, kiddo!”

“I know! But I’m Anxiety, nightmares come with the job and sometimes I’d rather stay up then risk it.”

“I’m so sorry! If that happens, you can always come to me, okay? We can cuddle and talk and then things might not be as scary anymore.”

“Thanks, Pat. I’ll keep it in mind.”

“Back to the point,” Roman cuts in. “You say you might’ve missed something, Snake-apist. Does that mean you haven’t noticed any of those Side-neglecting-themselves signals from Logan?”

“I haven’t, no.”

“So, he might be taking care of himself just fine?”

“It’s a possibility, but I’ve been focused on Remus for the last few days, so I might have just not noticed. But I cannot feel anything wrong right now either.”

“That means he’s fine then?” Roman reiterates. Janus doesn’t look convinced.

“In theory, that’s what it should mean. But I cannot believe that to be the case if he stays in his room. As much as he likes to deny it, Logan needs regular social interactions.”

Virgil groans. “How about instead of making things more complicated, you go up there and try to talk to him! This is just making me more tense.”

“Oh, that’s a great idea, Verge!” Patton turns to Janus. “Maybe you can figure out what’s going on and then we can think of a plan on how to help him while we help you look for Remus!”

“Very well,” Janus nods. “As long as all of you help me out after. Especially you, Roman.”

“Wha- why me?!”

“Because you can feel where he is, correct? Remus mentioned that you two are connected in a way that helps you find each other if you need to.”

“It’s more complicated than that,” Roman scoffs, avoiding looking Janus in the eyes.

“But it’s possible?” Patton asks and Roman grimaces; he can’t lie to him (not that he was really lying but he wasn’t keen on telling the whole truth either).

“It is… in theory possible. But it depends on where he is and if he allows it. For example, while in the mindscape, it’s rather tricky since the way everything’s connected is by what’s essentially portals disguised as doors. In the imagination it’s generally a bit easier since we tend to connect our creations in a more physical sense but that’s not always the case. But if he is there, I can narrow down the area significantly, I suppose.”

“Wonderful,” Janus says, clapping his hands together once. “Then it’s settled. I will go see if I can figure out what is going on with our dear Logan and in exchange, Roman will guide me through the imagination to where Remus is, if he is there.”

“Fine,” Roman agrees through gritted teeth. “If you can find us a lead, I’ll help you.”

“Thank you, my prince. I will do my best not to disappoint you.” Janus bows to him with a smirk on his face that makes Virgil scowl at him again. “If you’ll excuse me.” He turns and vanishes up the stairs. The others look after him.

“Can we really trust him? What if he makes it worse?” Virgil asks, biting at his nails. Patton gently pulls his hand away.

“I know you had your problems with him, Verge, but I believe he genuinely wants what’s best for Thomas and that means he wants the best for us, too.”

“You mean what he thinks is best for us.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Janus can hear them talking but doesn’t bother to listen. He can imagine what’s being said. Instead, he makes his way over to the indigo blue door down the hall. Before knocking he takes a moment to listen for movement behind the wood, but he can’t make anything out. He takes a deep breath and gently raps against the door.

“Come in.”

Janus pushes the door open and as the others had described, he finds Logan sitting at his desk that faces the opposite wall, his laptop in front of him and the sound of steady typing filling the room. He’s wearing his usual clothes and doesn’t turn around as Janus enters. The rest of the room is tidy, the bed is made, the floor is free of clutter and there is a distinct lack of smell that irritates him immediately. If Logan really hasn’t left this room and his desk in three days, then it should be smelling rather unpleasant, but nothing. No scent at all.

“What brings you here, Janus?” Logan asks, still not bothering to face him. “I am busy so please state your business and leave quickly.”

“How rude, my dear Logan. Here I am, visiting my friend whom I haven’t seen in a while and he treats me so coldly. I simply wished to see how you are doing.” He wanders over to a nearby bookshelf and inspects its contents though he keeps Logan in his periphery.

“I am perfectly adequate, thank you for asking. Now please leave and let me continue my work.”

“Again, so cold. I’m shivering! No question of how I am faring? I might just think you do not care for me at all.” He reaches out to take a closer look at a book about astrophysics but before he touches it, Logan’s voice cuts through the room again.

“I would appreciate if you did not touch my belongings without permission, Janus.”

How had he seen him? Janus hadn’t taken his eyes off him, Logan hadn’t moved. And Janus is sure he hadn’t made a sound, he prides himself on being able to move around silently. It had served him well in earlier years when Remus and Virgil had been friends and mischievous. Not to mention, even if Logan had heard him approach the shelf, he should not have known that he was reaching for a book in that exact moment.

Something is off indeed. But something different than the others are thinking. He lets his hand fall.

“My apologies, I did not think you would mind.”

“I do mind. Now please leave, you are disturbing me.” Janus tastes the air, trying to detect any lies told. It’s a useful ability that he does his best to keep secret from the others. He’d rather keep it as his ace up his sleeve.

The sides lied more than they’d like to admit. More than they realize, probably, since most of the lies Janus detects are lies of omission. They hide behind masks a lot, saying that they’re okay or not bothered by things that do indeed bother them. Logan is especially guilty of this.

So, Janus expects to taste the usual hint of blackberry in the air but just like the scent, there is nothing. And that couldn’t be right. Logan had said that he disturbed his work, but his typing hadn’t faltered for even a second.

Tack, tack, tack, tack, tack, it continues still.

Almost mechanical…

“I would prefer if I do not need to repeat myself again, Janus.”

“Of course, Logan, I will leave you to it in just a moment. I was just wondering if you remembered to save your progress once in a while. It would be a shame to lose all your progress because of simple carelessness.”

He moves over to the desk, standing behind Logan, who still has not even glanced in his direction.

“I see, that is a valued point. Thank you for the reminder.”

He watches as Logan guides the mouse over to the symbol up in the corner.

He summons his shepherd hook.

Click

Janus aims for his head and swings.

27 notes · View notes

hxpelessnurse · 9 months

Note

It probably should be at least a bit concerning that Kazuichi hadn't even truly realized he was braiding Mikan's hair until he was reaching for the hair tie on his wrist, what had started out as a study session quickly derailing as the mechanic became distracted by the nurse's hair just within reach. It...made him a little sad, how choppy it was, no doubt because Mikan allowed others to cut it, just as she let them bully her in a myriad of other ways just to be seen. He could understand, in a way, not caring if something hurt so long as people were acknowledging you, but he hoped that by spending more time with the nurse, that doing little things like working on homework, taking her out for ice cream, and yeah, even braiding her hair, that she would slowly break away from those self destructive habits and cruel people and instead rely on the positive attention from Kazuichi and their other friends when she felt she needed it.

Nevermind the fact that Kaz himself had a few self destructive habits of his own he had no intent to correct, often pushing himself to extremes just to please others, neglecting to eat in order to save as much money as he could for his unappreciative father in hopes it would bring him up in the man's eyes, forgoing sleep when anxiety plagued him or when he felt as if breaks weren't an option. All he was was his work, and too often did things end in a fire for him to be satisfied with it. Sure, he had successes along with them, but the ultimate mechanic shouldn't fail at all, let alone as much as he did. He never felt like he deserved the title, and that was why he needed to prove he was worthy of it, not only for himself, but to also show his dad that he deserved this, that he wasn't a failure, that he was worth something...

Right now, though, he didn't have those doubts, didn't feel the need to near kill himself in his workshop, or by being an over glorified maintenance man for the school with no pay to show for it. No, Mikan had his full attention now, the world not existing outside her dorm room as he secured the braid into place with a wide grin. "Hey, check it out, we match!" Said with a tug of his own smaller braid, his eyes were bright behind the thick lenses of his glasses, his usual pink contacts having been forgone that day after Mikan had told him the dangers of keeping them in for too long, leaving their natural bright blue on display for no one else to see but Mikan. He knew she wouldn't laugh at him, wouldn't belittle him for wearing them, for wasting him money on such unnecessary prescription cosmetics when he glasses were more than enough.

Tucking in a stray lock behind the nurse's ear, that smile fell a bit, Kaz's hand lingering for a moment as his eyes picked out each lock that had refused to stay in the braid with how short they were, like they were suddenly a beacon, and he was a moth. He...hadn't noticed just how uneven her hair was, even as he was fiddling with it, the braid making those cut bits all the more obvious where they stuck out from the carefully twisted strands. "Hey, uh...I'm not like, super good at it or anything, but um...I cut my own hair since going to get it done is expensive as shit, and..." How could he say this without hurting Mikan's feelings? He didn't want that, he wanted to help. "I guess, I'm trying to say I can even out your hair, if you want. It wouldn't take much to blend the shorter bits in. Or I could cut it short if you want! I swear I can do a better job than what I do for myself, I even help Fuyu with his buzzcut sometimes! He says he only comes to me 'cause there's no way a 'two bit bubblegum bitch' like me would have the nerve to kill him while he's vulnerable and all, but I mean, I gotta be doing a good job if he keeps coming back, right? I'm not the only one who wouldn't kill him...um, at least I hope I'm not..."

Mikan hadn't even noticed his hands running through her hair until he was nearly done with the braid. She was far too focused on the textbook she was reading, eyes scanning the pages and mentally noting which ideas and topics would probably show up in future assignments. She liked studying, especially with other people, because it helped her focus on her future. Her current home life was pathetic and traumatic, so her only escape was school and her studies.

She could feel her eyelids getting heavy as Kaz continued to plait her hair, the words on the pages of her textbook getting fuzzy as she let herself relax and enjoy the quiet atmosphere. She felt safe around Kazuichi, and considering how often they'd been hanging out lately, she could admit he'd become one of her favourite people. She let out a small yawn as he tied off the braid and called attention to the fact that it matched the braid in his own hair.

"Oh!! I've n-never had someone braid my hair b-before!!" She replied sleepily. She took the long strand in her hands for a moment and admired the work he'd done - sure, her uneven layers ended up sticking out of the braid every which way, but she found it beautiful nonetheless. Her eyes got all watery as he continued to ramble on about possibly giving her a haircut to even out the choppy locks, her emotions suddenly bubbling over. She tilted her head toward his hand as he gently tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

She gave him a nervous smile, her eyes glossy and wet, before she turned to face him and threw her arms around him. She sobbed softly as she hugged him tightly. "You'd d-do that for me?" She asked between sobs. "I d-don't deserve you, S-Souda. Y-You're so nice to me!"

She sniffled softly, burying her face in his shirt and letting herself calm down a little before she pulled away from him and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "I'm s-sorry! I m-made a mess of your shirt," She apologized, pulling out her hand towel from her book bag and gently trying to wipe the inky black stain off his shirt. "I sh-should really invest in some w-waterproof mascara..."

@the-ultimate-muses

#mudskip muses #the ultimate muses #riglink message received #THEM!!!!!!!!#THIS WAS SO SWEET THANK YOU<3

0 notes

blank-doc · 2 years

Text

Naoko Takashi: Background

naoko grew up with parents that saw her mostly as something they were expected to have (you know…part of a Life Checklist; get married, buy a house, have kids, retire, etc etc), so she didn’t grow up with a particularly affectionate home life. her basic needs were met, but she was essentially emotionally neglected under their roof.

she spent a good chunk of her childhood trying to be a model child, taking up whatever hobbies she thought would garner positive attention from them, but ultimately all it did was make them appreciate the attention THEY got from other adults for having such a well-rounded and obedient child. it wasn’t until middle school when she befriended jin-ho that she learned that moms and dads aren’t generally supposed to be Like That and all her hard work regarding them was a waste of time.

after that, she figured she’d just do as she pleased behind her parents’ backs; they wouldn’t care as long as it didn’t get back to them to embarrass them. so she kept up with her school work, and stayed on with her piano lessons (the one thing she took on to please them that she genuinely enjoyed), but dropped all the extra shit. she found out pretty quick that if she simply APPEARED to be a model child and student, she could get away with a helluva lot.

her rebellious streak started off pretty small with things like saying she was going to study at the library after school, but actually was just dicking around with jin-ho for a few hours (eating junk food and playing video games and all that fun kid stuff), but by her high school years, it evolved to sneaking out of the house at night to go smoking and drinking, sneaking into clubs, and sleeping around with one of the newer teachers at school on and off for a few months.

apart from that though, naoko’s sense of self-worth was basically non-existent and she felt like she wasn’t going to go anywhere in life. while she enjoyed playing piano and writing poems, she didn’t feel like she was particularly passionate about it or anything else. it took a lot of convincing on jin-ho’s part to get her to take his idea of starting a band seriously (and even when she did agree, it was mostly her just being “eh not like i’m doing anything else anyway”). it’s thanks to the work in the band that she finds out that she really loves performing (and being center of attention isn’t too terrible either in her opinion xD). she carries along plenty of imposter syndrome crap on her back though for years.

while they’re in the process of getting their band off the ground in their final year of school, naoko ends up meeting shigure sohma and they begin a relationship (this girl and older men i swear lmao) and are together for a couple of years before breaking up. her mom and dad end up finding out about her dating an older man, and instead of doing something responsible and parental, they kick her out for embarrassing them and sullying their good name by being such a slut and all that other good insane parent shit. thanks to that, naoko ends up moving in with shigure (jin-ho offered to talk to his parents about having her live with them and his brother and sister, but she refused since she didn’t want to burden them with another kid to look after). funnily enough, shigure’s relationship with naoko is probably one of the first more functional romantic relationships he’s ever had (and of course he eventually ruins it all in the end). they just click and see through one another’s shit and learn quickly that there’s no point in putting up their usual walls with on another; under different circumstances, they would have made for a really solid pair of friends rather than a couple.

and last random tidbit: naoko bleaches and begins dyeing her hair pretty much straight after graduating high school. she also gets her first plug piercings around this time as well (the septum is fake though since she can’t commit to actually piercing her nose xD).

Naoko’s doll form (a CP/Fairyland Minifee Shushu).

#singull talks ocs #my oc: naoko takashi #crossover: bright idea #naoko is a problematic fav lmao

0 notes

procrastinatingsoicanreadfanfics · 2 years

Text

Vikings characters + them getting sick

based on this request | Masterlist | requests are OPEN!

tagged: @demon-of-the-ancient-world; @alicedopey

In this imagine, Ragnar, Lagertha, Floki, Bjorn, Ubbe, Hvitserk, Ivar and Ecbert will be getting sick

A/N: thank you for requesting! This was really fun to write :)

Ragnar

he WHINES

demands that someone makes him soup, tea and maybe even warms his pillow or some shit like that

but refuses to sleep

stumbles through the house in search of affection

tries to stumble athelstan, who has already donned a hazmat suit

personally insulted by everyone who shrinks away from him, gets ppl sick

0/10 would not recommend

Lagertha

she rarely gets sick

i hc her as being like my mom when being sick, which means that she just sleeps a lot, drinks more tea than reasonable, sleeps again

gets up when she feels slightly better bc she has to

responsible

but also mean when sick

8/10 easy to deal with

Floki

one word. needy

Helga thrives off of making him soup and treats and coddles him

Floki loves it sm

gets wrapped into a thousand handmade blankets

so much love

no one but Helga could do it though

he gets kinda drowsy too, overthinks his life

10/10 if ur Helga, 1/10 for everyone else

Bjorn

he's a man he doesn't get sick

will not rest

will not sleep at all, out of protest

starts fights

only when he's on the verge of collapse will he let you take care of him

wants soup and tea, that's what Lagertha used to make him

but only from her

get ready to call her

2/10, uncooperative

Ubbe

self-aware king

i stan this man for being who he is and i firmly believe that he knows what to do

rests enough, drinks enough, eats enough

will melt if u show him some love

u will get angry at Aslaug for neglecting him

100/10, give him a hug when he's feeling better

Hvitserk

Hvit has a bad past with substance abuse, and he doesn't know how to take care of himself

once he gets really sick, he'll just kind of... sit

you have to guide him

cooperative, but will make your heart ache for him

make him a tea, fluff his pillows

6/10, won't let you know how he actually feels

Ivar

dramatic, but doesn't let it show

firmly believes he will die, doesn't tell anyone

until the fever really hits

rambles for hours that he's 'strong' and doesn't need help

especially in viking times, the stigma around his disability lead him to believe that he has to compensate

chaotic fire gremlin, as always, but this time inefficient

-2/10 dramatic and uncooperative, pls stay away from him and send food via drone

Ecbert

sick but not sick if you know what i mean?

plays tottering old grandpa, but is definitely scheming

will trip you or similarly

ignores all advice

life is a comedy, he's the comedian that laughs at his own jokes

disowns aethelwulf when he thinks he'll die

-10000/10, you'll never recover

155 notes · View notes

spikesbimbo · 3 years

Text

Paring: Aone x f!reader

Summary: wet dream, or not?

Tags: dilf!aone, housewife!reader, sleepy late night sex, spooning, daddy kink, soft sweet sex, creampie,

wc: 1.6k

a/n: Aone is 38, reader is 24 bc i said so

part of the dilf collab

18+ minors dni

“Thank you honey.” he muttered, wiping the sweat of his forehead, wanting to kiss those lips of yours so bad, but not wanting to get your precious skin dirty, and the way his coworkers were looking at the two of you meant he already had it coming.

Wondering how he got such a pretty thing, knowing you had to be at least half his age. Your pretty smile brightening the area around you as you clung onto his arm, having no shame in your affection for him. The constant teasing was worth it though if it meant he got to come home to you every night.

Grabbing the lunch out of your hands that he forgot this morning after you gave him a ‘good morning kiss’ before he left. Calling him saying you would bring it to him after seeing the box wrapped in the fabric laying on the counter, convincing him instead of buying snacks from the convenience store.

Your sundress blowing in the wind that must feel so good to him right now, not wanting his eyes to leave you as you unfortunately had to go. Looking at the scruff on his face after not shaving this morning because you made him run late, the way his arms barely fit around his white shirt, the soft smile he gave you as his fingers were tracing your hand had you swooning.

Muttering out a quick thank you again as he was about to turn around before you got on your toes meeting his lips with yours, seeing that they were minding their own business now, just wanting some affection from your husband as earlier wasn't enough.

Catching him off guard as he gave in, a tint appearing on his cheeks, not embarrassed, never because of you, but because of him. The fact that your pretty little self was with him had people turning their heads, purposely going out of your way to show everyone the ring on your left hand. Being so proud that you had him, as he was with you.

Giggling as you left him there frozen, blowing him a kiss as you started walking away. The wind feeling cool on your skin as you walked home, mind still racing with him like he was the only thing you knew.

__________________

Resting your head on the pillow, legs propped up on the couch, eating the takeout after he texted you he'd be home late so you didn't have to worry about him. Heart slightly cracking when you read the words, understanding as you knew his job had weird hours, this not being the first time it's happened.

Eyes getting heavy as you watched the tv under the dim lights, the food growing cold as you haven't touched it in a while, resting on the table beside the vase of flowers he got you the other day. Head hurting as you laid down, eyes quickly closing after being tired doing nothing but waiting for him all day, vision quickly growing black.

Waking up to your husband's touch, shifting in his hold as he carried you to the bedroom. Laying you down as he changed his clothes, quickly getting into bed with you. Your warm weight clinging onto him as a natural instinct, letting out a quiet groan as you realized you were snuggling into his chest, turning your face up while blinking slowly at him.

“What time is it?” You asked uncurling yourself from him.

“9:14.”

“You just got here?” You asked, missing the usual “Honey, I’m home.” as you were knocked out.

He knew you were gonna worry about him, as your sweet self did. Whispering softly into your ear as his hands wandered down to your sides, soothingly rubbing them trying to get you to go back to sleep. “Yeah...i just got back.”

The pout of your face said enough as you moved yourself up to be face to face with him. “You need to take a break baby. c'mere”

Pulling him into your chest, sighing as he let you. Thinking it was cute to be scolded by someone whose face was still puffy from just waking up. Slightly smiling as you refused to move your arms even though he could easily get out.

“You okay, shoulders hurt?” you asked running your fingers through his stress induced graying hair, only being able to tell up close due to the white hiding it. Massaging his temples, relaxing his muscles as the embedded frown on his face disappeared.

“Yeah, the usual.”

Mumbling out “shouldn't be” under your breath as your arms brought him closer into you, wrapping your legs sound his waist, using him like the teddy bear he was. Eyes quickly falling shut at the feeling of his arms engulfing you, running his fingers down your back.

Your senses are hyper aware, sensitive at the slightest touch. Almost overwhelming as your half awake brain takes its time to feel everything. His chest rising against your back, a mewl escaping your lips, shivering at the ghost of his touch.

Unknowingly rolling your hips into his slack body, minding racing with thoughts of him pushing your ankles to your ears. The feeling is unbearable – pussy clenching as you tighten your thighs, an audible whine breaking you out of your trance, along with him.

“You need me love?” his voice hoarse with sleep muttered out. To be honest he was awake at your first movement, still resting his eyes knowing that you move around when you sleep, but when he heard you let out muffled whines he felt awful knowing that he was the cause.

“Y-yea, i-m’sorry daddy” your pitiful voice breaks his heart, so needy that his name didn't even exist in your mind anymore. His brain all foggy trying to formulate a sentence.

“Daddy ain't been payin enough attention to you to the point of you dreaming about it? M’sorry baby” he cooed sliding up his shirt off your waist, tugging your panites down, feeling needier as ever as you rocked your hips.

“M-m’sorry” you whimpered out, ashamed that you greedily woke him up just for your own need, hiding your face in the pillow as his fingers worked their way down to your poor little cunt, so neglected. Your fingers feeling nothing like his cock.

“Shh baby, s’okay let daddy take care of you.” his hot breath whispered into your ear, sending shivers down your spine while catching your made up protests with his fingers rubbing lazy circles on your clit. “S’my job honey.”

His big frame resting behind you put you at ease as his arm resting under you wrapped its way around your waist, pushing up the shirt even more. Calloused warm hands resting on your tummy as his sleepy eyelashes fluttered on your neck.

“n-nobu… please…” you begged, bit-down nails scratching at his forearm, body working against your mind as you tried to push his hand away.

His voice was raspy as he groaned, giving you what you wanted, never being able to tell his baby no. Warm hands picking up your thigh enough to slide himself in, your lips parting, whimpers coming out as he pulled you down on his cock.

“Here, Baby. It’s okay… just relax…” he softly groaned as you complied, not wanting to upset him. Letting your body be limp as he started to rock his hips back and forth,

“There's my good girl, lemme do the work, okay sweetheart? You did such a good job, let daddy take over.” He mumbled into your shoulder as his arm wrapped around you tighter, pulling you to his chest.

Eyes opening fully, the dim alarm light shining on your body covered in a sheen of sweat. You loved how easily he could make you feel good, even on the verge of sleep, warm and quiet in the early hours of the morning. All it took was him mumbling out some praise and the feeling of your cervix getting gently bruised to cum.

“That’s it, baby, god you’re so tight…..I’m gonna cum, love.”

Moving faster as your shared orgasm built, his balls swelling as you tightened around him, panting out. Tongue lolling as silent moans left your mouth, clenching around him more as further around him as he chased your pleasure.

“Y-yeah… fuck… I’m g- gonna, cum, please… nobu. d-daddy please.” you begged, voice cracking as moans interrupted your words.

The feeling of his heat against your back, being completely helpless at his pace, taking him further and further to his release. Vision going black as your eyes rolled back, body shaking as he thrust himself deeper, pleasure overtaking your body as his cum was fucked into you, gasps escaping your mouth. Your body tingling as he finally let you come down from your high.

The weight of your leaning on his arm, the softness of your skin as he rested his head there. Nothing bothering him if you were in his arms, not feeling this at ease in almost a month, the only thing that mattered was cradled against his body.

“You’re good baby. S’okay, just relax now.”

A small hum left your lips as you pushed yourself into him more. Feeling so comfy and safe here, relaxed against his bare chest, his thick cock stretching you out even soft. Letting yourself relax in his hold as you collapsed next to him.

The room is quiet besides your small breaths growing fainter, the wet sound of his lips against your shoulder, feeling his messy hair tickle you. Your eyes are closed but his aren't, looking at you with a faded look of fondness, head curling into your neck.

He felt the moment you passed out again, your chest rising lighter. Worn out, all the tension drained from you what little tension had remained in him. The only way he could fully rest was with you in his arms, curling into him as he held you tight, nothing was even worth thinking of besides you.

#ok bby boy aone is my love 🥺#aone x reader #aone smut #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu smut #hq x reader #hq x y/n #hq x you #haikyuu x y/n #aone drabble #hq smut #haikyuu!!

1K notes · View notes

mostlyoriginalmcyterstuff · 3 years

Text

(Tumblr is being stupid and not allowing me to actually answer the asks so I’m tagging the asker and screenshoting the ask) @grapewish

This request gave me so much space to add fluff I said, “hahaha angsty flashbacks go brRrRRRRRRRR-“

Trigger Warnings: Negligent father, toxic parent figure, neglect, trauma, sad flashbacks, yelling

Extras: I wrote the reader as a minor, but it’s possible to read as the reader not being a minor, this is FULLY PLATONIC, and I didn’t add what age the dad left at, so that’s up to you.

——————————————————————————

Your father had not played a big part in your life, or any part at all.

He hadn’t been around since you were very young,

~~(Flashback)~~

Your mother had been crying, and yelling in the other room and your father kept yelling louder screaming about how he was done

You were hiding in your room, the door shut as you listened to the yells of your parents,

This was one of those times where you wished you had thicker walls, walls that would block out the sounds of your parents yelling.

Suddenly, a door slammed closed, and you heard your mother crying, you reassured yourself that your dad would be back soon.

You should have known you were just lying to yourself.

~~(End of Flashback)~~

You never really minded since you didn’t really know how it felt to have a father figure in your life, so you didn’t think you were missing much.

That was until recently.

Recently you had started streaming and had been doing quite well so far.

You had even met some really nice people through streaming, one of them being Philza Minecraft himself.

Philza had given you some advice off camera on how to improve more, not that you were bad! He just was giving you some tips on stuff that helped him a lot and that he wished he knew earlier.

Dadz- I mean Philza, had basically taken you under his WING and showed you some more things to help you stream better.

Other than streaming, he was always checking up on you to see if you were okay, after you streamed for a long time, he’d message you reminding you to drink some water and eat so you don’t overwork yourself.

He didn’t know about your absent father, or that he was acting in as the father you didn’t even know you wanted/needed. He was just dadza, and it was instincts to constantly check if you were alright.

One evening you, Techno and Philza were playing on a new world, testing out some of the new updates.

Philza was streaming while you and techno were not, you had streamed a bit earlier that day, so you weren’t going to stream again.

You gasped as an axolotl you were hanging from a lead fell to the ground and died.

“nOoO!! Little Greg!!!” You cried out(jokingly), you flew down and landed on the ground where the axolotl had died and crouched and bowed your head down.

“L-little gre- Why do you keep naming them Greg or Johnny?? At least think of a new name, you nerd.” Techno said back, flying over to you and hitting your character once, although it didn’t hurt you since you were in creative.

“You do need to start thinking of more names for these types of things, mate.” Phil commented, flying above you and techno’s heads with a few axolotls attached to his own lead.

“I-“

“And give them better names than GREG, give them a name like...Technoblade.” Technoblade cut you off to make a self-promotion joke.

You rolled your eyes in real life before fake sniffling

You fake sniffled, before jokingly saying; “oh wow, Little Greg left faster than my dad did.”

Technoblade choked and snorted before laughing a bit.

Phil laughed too, “Oh wooowwww, talking about me like I’m not here, really, mate?” He laughed a bit more at his own joke

It was your turn to laugh this time,

“You left me when I was 3! And refused to pay child support, dAd! I will bad talk you in front of you, as much as I want!” You joked more, your character flying up and flying after Philza.

Technoblade laughed more, following you in game.

Phil fake gasped “WHAT. I PAID MY CHILD SUPPORT, your mother must have taken it for her own needs again” He exclaimed, causing you to burst into a fit of laughter again.

After a while of joking around about Philza being your father and Techno being the one child Phil “took with him in the divorce”, Phil had ended the stream and you and Phil were just calmly chatting in a VC.

Techno had gone to bed by now, it was pretty late for him, and during the stream, he kept complaining about you and Phil keeping him up.

You two were just talking about each other’s days until Phil brought up a question you didn’t expect.

“Hey, (y/n)?”

“Yeah?“

“I may be overthinking this, and I’m sorry if I did overthink it, mate. But during the stream you joked about your father having left, and you’ve never talked about him before, so, uh, do you actually not have a dad in your life right now.?” He asked, and it caught you SO off guard

You paused, not speaking for a moment, causing Phil to panic a bit.

“Did I overstep? I’m sorry, you don’t have to tell me, I’m just worried and-“

“No, I don’t have a dad, but I’m fine without one, I’ve been doing perfectly alright without him and it okay, you didn’t overstep don’t worry!” You answered and reassured the man, fidgeting with your fingers as you waited for his response.

“You- So he actually just straight up left? Are you serious? That’s an absolutely sh*tty move, dude.”

“You shouldn’t have had to deal with that and be fine with not having another parent in your life.” Philza continued on, sounding disgusted and angry, you knew it wasn’t at you though.

“It’s fine, Phil. I’ve managed quite well without him.” You replied, looking down at your lap,

“I’m glad you’ve managed without him, but you shouldn’t have had to, (y/n).” He sighed,

“I’m here for you, mate, even if you just need to talk, it’d help me sleep better at night knowing I was able to stand in and help you when HE wouldn’t.” Phil ended his small rant, waiting for your respond, but all he got was a small sniffle, and a real one this time

“Thanks, Phil.....” you whispered, your mic just barely catching it

“Oh (y/n).. Of course.. It’s the least I can do” he replied, smiling to himself.

“Wow.. you really are dadza, huh..” you laughed a bit, wiping away some stray tears.

Phil laughed before responding;

“Oh absolutely, and now, I have another child.”

1K notes · View notes

lilblueorchid · 3 years

Photo

Thought process and easter egg on the Digimon Anniversary Illustration!

Hello everyone, today I feel like explaining some stuff over my Digimon Illustration, mostly why I drew thing this way or point out some little details and easter eggs you might have missed. ;)

Click on read more if you want a LENGTHLY explanation with a lot of rambling from me, or if not you can just enjoy the process gif. <3

The Digimon illustration was a special one for me for different reasons. Firstly, obviously, Digimon! It was a show I grew up with, and I find it quite fitting that after a tough year of graduation movie under a pandemic, in which I really experienced the pain of growing up, I ended up finding back Digimon.

Secondly, as a child, I remember spending HOURS looking for fanarts online! I would save all the ones I found pretty and keep them preciously, i still have the folders actually haha. While pursuing art, I always had in mind thatI wanted one day to make a fanart my child self would have gone crazy over! And, i think I achieved that with that one haha.

Anyway LET’S START! Shall we?

First off : the illustration process

When I do an illustration I always do a quick draft first, and most of the time, in colors. I think I’m more of a “color” person than a “line” person, I tend to need to see colors quickly in order to see if it’s ok.

For this one, I’ve always had in mind it would be a double illustration, with the older Tai’s silhouette acting as a frame for the children illustration. It was a bit tricky, I had to make the children illustration fit nicely into his silhouette, it was hassle around the neck area, that’s why I made little Taichi stand up haha. Also used Mimi’s hat to balance the picture : the bottom part is very heavy and there’s only sky in the upper part, adding the hat helps making it more balanced.

The character were the longest and the most challenging part by far. As you can see I had 3 different steps : super rough, they’re almost like stickmen and smiley face, a more detailled one in which I figure out their actual pose and anatomy, then a last one in which I fix some proportion, add details and clean. Fun fact I don’t clean over a new layer... i just erase the unwanted part of my sketch. :’D

I did a quick pass over the BG after that, then I colored the characters in flat colors before rendering them. It was a back and forth between the BG and the characters to make sure everything was working together nicely.

Now was the time to render the BG, I did the tramway first, the flower field after. Fun fact, I did my flower field study in order to know how to approach the flowers in this illustration! If your have the time, i totally recommend finding a photograph close to the kind of BG you wanna do, and make a study of it so you can try your hand at it first and go into your own BG later with an idea of how to approach this.

Adjust colors, add flower petals and butterflies and emotional text, slap over a paper texture, and THERE. You have it! On to the next part now...

The meaningful details and easter eggs

Be aware there will be spoilers for Digimon Adventure 01 (but I assume you already know it), but also for Digimon Adventure : Last evolution Kizuna, which is the conclusion of the first serie. So read at your own risk!

The tramway is obviously a reference to the end of Digimon Adventure 01. The kids used it to go back to their world, so It was their goodbye to their Digimon at this moment. In Kizuna, Tai and Matt find the tramway trapped in crystal in Menoa’s fake memory world. Hinting that had they been caught by her, their memories would have brought them back here.

Tailmon has Kari’s whistle! At the end of Digimon Adventure 01, Kari gives it to her as a memento.

When I drew Sora, I had in mind how she was in Kizuna, very stressed out by her mom’s expectation, which led her to neglect Piyomon. She realized it too late, and after that she refused to fight because she wanted to keep Piyomon with her as long as possible. Tragically, she was the first one to lose her Digimon. Here I tried to convey a softness and a kind of “I won’t forget to appreciate you” vibe in the way she holds Piyomon’s hand. As for Mimi and Palmon, in Digimon adventure 01 Palmon was very emotionally affected by Mimi’s departure, so, a hug was fitting. :’)

The screens on the Tramway display DA for Digimon Adventure, and also 01.08.1999 which is the date of the children’s journey’s beginning. :)

The little drawings also show the 8 crests.

There are butterflies flying over the illustration, it’s a reference to Butter-fly, the first Digimon opening, by the late Koji Wada.

"I'll become a happy butterfly, and ride on the glittering wind, I'll come and see you soon. “

Now, let’s the see the counterpart of the illustration. The one with the grown up Tai from Kizuna.

I made him wear the hoodie he had in his very last adventure with Agumon.... but truthfully the reason is that I think hoodies are cool lol. And the hood’s volume gave me more space in the silhouette, which made it easier for me to do the other illustration inside.

You don’t see it clearly, but he is holding his Digivice, albeit the darkened version once his partner bond with Agumon is broken. The Tai in this illustration has already lost Agumon. (Yes it was painful for me to go fetch the screenshots)

He is also holding his dear signature google he used to wear as a child. Fun fact, I rewatched the older movies, and as a kid he even used to sleep with it, how cute haha.

Also yes, the crest of Courage over his hand, which is his own. I’m so dumb I realize I should have made the time counter from the movie instead of the crest for a maximum emotional hurt impact.

And the quote is from one of the trailer for Kizuna, I think.....................

But then you go : Oh that illustration is so depressing then! Well. Yes. But no. but yes. But not really.

One of my favorite shot of the movie is this one : this is after Tai and Agumon learn their time together is limited. Agumon asks him if they will have to go separate ways once Tai is all grown up. Tai doesn’t answer, and takes him to eat something instead, as Agumon was hungry. In this shot Agumon eats to his heart content next to Tai, who’s not eating at all and just watches him fondly. I love that the framing doesnt show agumon. It’s a foreshadowing of their unavoidable separation.

At the very end of the movie, Tai write in his thesis about Human and Digimon’s relationship that Agumon was like a part of himself.

In a way, Agumon symbolizes childhood, the carefree days we would spend as a kid, with our big dreams and hopes. When you grow up, you tend to forget those simple emotions because you get swallowed into the stress of studies, figuring out your carreer, your life path. Just like us, Tai forgot this part of himself. In the madness of growing up, he lost Agumon.

However, it’s not the end. He will pick himself back up. He will move forward in life despite his worries and incertainities, and he will find himself again. Therefore, he will find Agumon again. The kids in the illustration are waving goodbye, but it’s not goodbye, it’s a see you later. In the meantime, Tai is holding on to these precious memories, until they meet again.

#Digimon #Digimon adventure #Yagami Taichi #Digimon adventure : last evolution kizuna #illustration process #kinda analysis #listen im actually writing this for myself #I spend 4 days on that illu with a lot of feels and I need to write them down #This is basically what my close friends have to endure each time I get an obsession

222 notes · View notes

dreaminginvelaris · 3 years

Text

A Response to a Feyre Anti

I made a post recently explaining the dread of having to watch Feyre be abused by her sisters and father, in the Tv adaption. And a Feyre anti made a response, to something that should not be criticized at all considering what I said was just the truth? Feyre was abused. Not only that but they went on and completely twisted the narrative to fit their own ideas and in the process made Feyre out to be cruel and Nesta a saint. complete bull.

I will not be tagging the anti bc they have me blocked (shocker), but also I do not want anyone to go after them, if you come across the post, I don't want it to be through me. it's as much respect I can give to them.

I usually do not respond to those who have something to say with a post of mine or are blatantly talking about me on their blog, unless they're just spreading absolute lies about me or what i "said", it's usually a waste of time to do so. but this post attacked Feyre with outrageous lies and a complete backward interpretation of what actually happened in acotar, so as respectful as I can be, I will be analyzing the anti-response and what truly happened in acotar.

"the audience will only see two sisters fighting-not abuse" "it’s not Nesta you need to worry about. It’s audiences calling Feyre a big dumbass and a bitch" -from anti

if the audience has basic human compassion and empathy for humans IRL or fictional, they will see what's obvious from the start. Feyres abuse. how is it going to look, when they see Feyre walking through the woods, shaking from the cold, starving from hunger, and struggling to find food for her family? only to later see Nesta's treatment of Feyre?"

in the anti's post, they said Feyre was just as "heinous" to Nesta.

is Feyre the one calling Nesta a pig? a smelly pig? ordering her to take her clothes off?

no, it's not, it's dear Nesta. the text goes as "I took my time, swallowing the words I wanted to bark at her" oh yes... how cruel of Feyre. how heinous of Feyre to...stay quiet... at the verbal abuse.

in the same image we see Feyre ask Nesta to do something (kindly might I add) and then inquire why she didn't chop wood like she needs to.

what does Nesta do? acts like a brat and insults Feyre...once again.

considering I'm going off by the story and not the actual screenplay, and assuming they stay true to the story; will the audience not be disgusted by Nesta's behavior? I mean they just saw Feyre struggle to find food and they expect Feyre to go home to a family happy and appreciative of Feyre but instead, they get this familial abuse.

the anti said Feyre basically tells Nesta this:

"If you keep bitching at everyone like this no one will want to be around you or you can’t marry this guy because you’re a waste of space to me"

but what do we see?

"Believe me... the day you want to marry someone worthy, I'll march up to his house and hand you over. But you're not going to marry Tomas."

the word worthy, did that not catch your eye? Feyre said Nesta will have to marry someone worthy, someone, who will treat Nesta kindly and give her the life Feyre thinks her sisters deserve. bc Feyre does think that IDK why anti feyres think Feyre despised Nesta so much, Feyre loved her sisters.

what the anti fails to realize here is that Nesta marrying Tomas would have been actually pretty great for Feyre. in the sense that, Feyre would no longer carry the burden of her sister. Feyre would not have to worry about feeding one more mouth. or worrying about Nesta's constant stealing of Feyre's money. Feyre does not think Nesta is a "waste of space" to her, if she did, it would have been easy for Feyre to discard Nesta, and allow her to marry Tomas. the anti has that twisted.

but that is not even the worst part of the scene. did you see the shameless slut-shaming that came out of Nesta's mouth? how will the audience take to that? do you think most of the younger generation will take it lightly to see a sister slut-shame a sister? a woman putting down another woman? in this social climate? where the feminism movement is alive and flourishing. will they be okay with it? will they still blame Feyre and be mad at her the way the anti says they will be? I hope not otherwise I'm losing faith in humanity.

Lovely words Nesta spews at Feyre. I admit Feyre should have told her then and there that Tomas is abusive. but let's think: Feyre is 19 years old, the youngest, has never had any raising by a parental figure, has been neglected by her whole family, where would Feyre learn to calmly talk to an overgrown brat like Nesta? Feyre telling Nesta who Tomas truly is the duty of a parent, not a sister. I will not condemn Feyre for not knowing that was the perfect time to tell Nesta who Tomas is. especially when Feyre is being tormented and verbally/emotionally abused, its kinda hard to think about something else while you're being told all these horrible words. to us its easy to see where Feyre went wrong but unless you're in the exact position Feyre was in. no one has any room to talk. and even then, every person is different in situations like these.

this part was me analyzing the interactions between Feyre and Nesta since anti had reasons to believe Feyre was just as bad to Nesta and that the audience would see that and hate Feyre. I am now going to respond to the second part of the Feyre Anti's response.

"How will an audience of non-fans react to her not reaching out to her family to tell them she was okay after the reconciliation between her and Nesta? Or not inviting them to the wedding?"- from anti

moving onto acomaf now.

Idk maybe the audience will see Feyre, a depressed, lonely, individual in an abusive relationship while being manipulated by other individuals she called friends, and understand and empathize with her. all throughout the beginning and half of acomaf, Feyre is in critical depression. she wholeheartedly believes she should not be alive. that she is not worthy. she doesn't eat, all she does is sleep, self-care is not important to her or others so why would letting a family know she's okay, a family who BARELY ever cared about her, be a priority? it doesn't seem like Nesta or elain or her father was really fazed by Feyre's lack of communication. her father left on a trip, elain got engaged and Nesta, well we didn't see a tearful welcoming to Feyre on Nesta's part did we?

anti, where is the outcry of her "family" not even really caring if Feyre was safe or not, of what happened to her? it's not like they thought she had died, otherwise, where was the mourning or funeral? no, they just didn't care.

see this is where I know when anti is just full of bullshit. why, WHY, would Feyre invite her family to wedding full of fae? the creatures elain and Nesta fear and hate? for all the talk many anti's spew about Feyre being inconsiderate to Nesta, to her family, you would think Feyre maybe just knows a fae wedding would be the last thing they would want? even then, does Feyre owe them an invitation to her wedding? does she owe them an update on her life? nope. Feyre owed them nothing.

"How about her shit-talking Nesta to a bunch of strangers then having the audacity to ask her to get involved in a war. Oh! This is after she comes into her house and insults their hospitality." - from anti

I hardly think Feyre confiding in individuals who she learned to care about and laying out all the trauma Feyre endured with her family is "shit-talking" but for argument's sake, let's say it is. I still don't see what's wrong? after years of pent-up anger and hurt, would you not let go of everything you withheld inside and explain what was done to you? how you felt? Feyre telling the IC her life story, which contains Nesta's abuse and her family's neglect, was a form of therapy for Feyre. I never read a line where Feyre calls Nesta a "cold-hearted bitch" or called elain "a lazy ditz" she just said the truth. no added embellishments. Cassian was the one who shit-talked Nesta during the dinner scene, never Feyre.

I still don't understand why antis are so against Feyre asking her sisters for help? like the war didn't involve them? they're humans, and you know what the war was about? Hybern wanting to take control of the human lands like they once did and turn them into slaves. those humans included Nesta and elain.

"They could have left the continent" correct, except elain was engaged and refused to leave Grayson. which meant Nesta refused to leave elain. but even so, isn't it the duty of humans to band together and work to overthrow a race of people who want to torture and keep them as slaves? the queens certainly weren't doing their jobs. Feyre asked to use "their" house to meet the queens bc where else would they do it? the queens trust the fae less than Nesta or elain did. but even so, Feyre asking to use their house was a courtesy, that house is rightfully Feyre's. she is the one who sacrificed herself to leave with Tamlin. she did it bravely, courageously, and they got that house thanks to her. they owed Feyre everything. and the only one who acknowledged that was Elain.

that war involved elain and Nesta whether they or Feyre or the anti's liked it or not. not even considering that Nesta and elain are Feyre Archerons sisters, yeah, their family name alone puts a target on their back.

How did Feyre or the court insult Elain's and Nesta's hospitality? You mean when Feyre realized human food differed from fae food? something she did not know about bc she's barely been turned to fae and only had eaten fae dishes? Feyre's grimace towards the human food was an involuntary reaction to someone who is still learning their new body. or was it when Cassian called out Nesta for her cold treatment towards Feyre? if that's the case then fuck decency, I would call out a fake bitch in my presence from minute one. you cant call what Nesta did "hospitality" when all she did was insult Feyre when she didn't even care that Feyre had died, or lost her love bc of abuse, or that her body was changed against her will.

hospitality: the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers.

did y'all read something different bc this for sure was nothing Nesta gave to her guests?

----

the rest of the anti post moves towards Rhysand and his actions UTM which I won't go into because I'm mainly just addressing the false interpretations this anti had to say about Feyre and her family.

I'm not sure how to sign off now lol, but I guess just that I hope this was enough to show how this anti's arguments were completely ludicrous and have absolutely no compassion for Feyre, and instead all the compassion for Feyre's abusers. This anti had a real spin on what the actual story was, and I hope the evidence I provided was enough to show that. Anyways yeah my brain is fried, and I'm done arguing with Feyre anti's for a while now, I need to go praise my queen Feyre so I can receive some semblance of peace.

anyways, stan Feyre for clear skin xx

201 notes · View notes