#like guys sometimes the silly jokes in the cartoon are JUST silly jokes you gotta let them be silly jokes
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you want to analyze a cartoon that is something children can watch? ok here's the first and most important lesson ever.
have you ever heard of "suspension of disbelief?"
ok. next step. do you know what an unreliable narrator is and can you separate the character's perspective and opinions from the writers? because i promise you that the beliefs of the main character do not always reflect the writers and the point of analyzing media is to dissect that.
#like guys sometimes the silly jokes in the cartoon are JUST silly jokes you gotta let them be silly jokes#sometimes the shenanigans are super outlandish because it's a FICTIONAL CARTOON where sentient AIs and magic exist#i promise you. I PROMISE YOU that rottmnt's mind meld was not some elaborate problematic take on eugenics of all things#<- an actual thing i read with my own eyes#like i promise you that is literally not what the episode was doing#'they kept saying they made his brothers smarter which is incredibly ableist because it implies they weren't smart before'#ahem. it was donnie's idea of smarter#you know donnie. the one who constantly puts his intelligence on a pedestal to boost his ego#it was HIS definition of smarter and that is not the narratives definition#i think the series makes that abundantly clear with how much they make fun of donnie for whatever superiority complex he's got going on#and (in the nicest way possible) if you watch the episode it's not actually that they're getting 'smarter' what is actually happening#is that they are beginning to act more and more like donnie personality wise#and that the conflict starts with donnie feeling like they don't fully understand him.#and since donnie is a flawed character his way of coping with that is by being like 'well clearly they're inferior to my intelligence!'#(which .. if you really dissect his character is not actually what he means he just doesn't know how to constructively word his feelings)
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“This iteration of the Turtles and this iteration of the Turtles wouldn’t get along cuz of this!” “These two iterations wouldn’t get along because of that!”
FUCK YOU THEY ARE ALL BEST FRIENDS THAT SUPPORT EACH OTHER CUZ I SAY SO!!
(Please note I wrote this BEFORE watching Mutant Mayhem which is why they aren’t in it. I just forgot to post it lol 😅)
Rise!Leo: You all are so stern and serious. I feel like I should start being more stern and serious. Should I?
BatmanVs!Leo: Please don’t, it’ll be hell on your already waning mental health. /hj
Bayverse!Leo: I feel we need at least one funny Leo to break up the collective seriousness of the rest of us.
87 Leo: I thought me and my brothers counted as the “funny” version of all of us?
12 Leo: You guys are more of a “silly” version of us…sillier? Like the concept of turtles being ninjas is already silly as it is. Which there is nothing wrong with that, just that your cartoon logic is just very hard to keep up with sometimes.
87 Leo: That’s understandable.
Mirage Leo: I’m just jealous that you all get to be in color. Black and white gets so boring once you learn there’s color!
07 Leo: But your universe does have this cool graphic design to it that I’M very jealous of.
03 Leo: Of course, you fucking would be you dramatic edgelord. /j
07 Leo: I know the fucking EMO of the group did not just call me an edgelord! /j
Rise!Leo: Omg we love an E-girl!
12 Leo: *wheeze of laughter*
---
87 Raph: I just don’t think it’s fair that you guys get to be tall, is all! It’s discrimination! /hj
12 Raph: Practically working against your own kind! /j
Rise!Raph: *snorts* I don’t think that’s a bodily function we can control you guys!
Bayverse!Raph: It was a conscious decision on my end.
Rise!Raph: *chokes with laughter*
87 Raph: You goddamn bastard! /j
Bayverse!Raph: Cope and seeth my dude.
07 Raph: Now look, 87 I know it’s very difficult, especially for you, but we gotta be the bigger person here.
87 Raph: I will kick your goddamn ass, kid!
03 Raph: Well, good for you in being the bigger person. I will continue to be small and petty my entire life!
*Collective snorting laughter from all Raphs*
87 Raph: No, no, wait! You are not allowed to be funnier than me!
03 Raph: Tough break, shorty, I have to have SOMETHING other than punching shit.
87 Raph: Take up knitting! I don’t care! Just keep away from my bit! That’s like my entire personality! /hj
03 Raph: See you joke about that but I am fucking GREAT at knitting!
Bayverse!Raph: Amen to that! I ain’t spend half my damn life in the Hashi and NOT be able to knit a fucking epic scarf!
---
07 Donnie: Are you saying I worked a 9 to 5 job FOR NOTHING!
BatmanVs!Donnie: I honestly did not think that embezzling funds from rich corporate assholes plus the Shredder and his Foot Clan was an actual option we had!
12 Donnie: I am actually so mad that I did not think of that!
Rise!Donnie: Honestly, I didn’t think of it until like a few years back because our dad is still, somehow, getting royalties from his Lou Jitsu movie days. But I also have expensive taste in equipment and needed a little pocket change.
03 Donnie: I could have actually bought a Play Station when it came out instead of having to fix up the broken one Mikey found in the dump!
87 Donnie: I’m just now realizing how much stuff we had to make from scratch just because we couldn’t afford it.
Rise!Donnie: That’s true. But like also you guys still made a bunch of cool stuff with JUST junk you found! That’s amazing!
Bayverse!Donnie: Thanks but we could have made even cooler stuff if we had your type of funding. I mean, look at this shit! *excitingly pointing at Rise!Donnie’s battle shell*
Rise!Donnie: Please understand that YOU have made holo-screen, intercom, wrist watches, that connect to your motherboard home computer. All of which you MADE WITH JUNK! How is that not amazing?!
07 Donnie: Amazing for you probably. But if I were to do that shit myself I wouldn’t sleep for a week!
BatmanVs!Donnie: I second that! One sugar daddy please!
Rise!Donnie: *wheeze of laughter*
---
03 Mikey: I still can't believe you met freaking BATMAN! Like holy shit dude!
12 Mikey: *sobbing* I’m so jealous! I’m forever jealous!
BatmanVs!Mikey: Yeah, it was pretty cool. But YOU (03 Mikey) met the entire Justice Force! And became a member! Your legacy was so awesome Silver Sentry’s grandson took up your name!
03 Mikey: Yeah but you road in the BATMOBILE and got to press all the buttons!
Bayverse!Mikey: *sulking on the floor* LIFE ISN’T FAIR AND I HATE IT HERE!
Rise!Mikey: *pouting* I never get to meet my heroes! And when I do they turn out to be insane!
12 Mikey: Bro same! Chris Brandford was just a giant jerk!
87 Mikey: Bugman was pretty cool, though maybe a little weird. Still, he was no Justice Force or Batman!
07 Mikey: *whining* I just want the life you have! Why does god ALWAYS have favorites?!
Ronin!Mikey: *dramatic sigh of jealousy* He truly does.
#tmnt#teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt#tmnt 2012#tmnt 2003#bayverse tmnt#batman vs teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt 07#tmnt 87#the last ronin
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Out of My League [Part 4]
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Single mom!Reader
Word count: ~3.2k
Summary: Why on Earth does everyone think you and Spencer are dating? That’s just ridiculous! Right?
Warning(s): the pining is strong with this one, alcohol consumption, i think there were like one or two swear words?? pretty tame
Author’s Note: OH MY GOD WE’RE BACK AGAIN!!!!! yeah it’s been WAyy too long I’m so sorry guys. ON THE BRIGHT SIDE!!! I’m almost done with the next part so the wait won’t be NEARLY as bad this time around. Ok love yall hope you like it!!!
[Previous Part] [Series Masterlist]
The play was a lovely way to spend your evening. You could hear Spencer beside you muttering the words along with the actors. The monologues were beautiful coming from the talent on stage, but it was nothing compared to your best friend’s whispers when he thought you couldn’t hear him. You looked straight ahead to the stage, fearing that he’d stop if you indicated that you were listening, but you still felt his eyes on you as he gently uttered, “I’ll follow thee and make a heaven of hell, to die upon the hand I love so well.”
Hearing the words you had read and swooned over countless times before coming from Spencer’s soft voice made a shiver run down your spine.
Spencer Reid did not just give you chills, that did not just happen, you told yourself.
The chill that ran across your body contrasted nicely with heat in your face when you felt his gaze roll over your features. You didn’t always like the feeling when someone’s eyes were on you, but something about it being Spencer’s eyes felt… right. You weren’t uncomfortable, quite the opposite, actually. You found yourself being overjoyed in your seat, but you couldn’t tell yourself why.
Or at least you refused to.
When the show ended, Spencer led you out the door you entered from, and you left the library with a dopey smile on your face as you stepped into the chilly autumn night. The sun had gone down during the play and the streetlamps glowed white against the black sky.
“You hungry?” Spencer asked.
“Starving.”
“It’s a little late for dinner, you think we’ll find a place?”
“It’s only eight o’clock, there’s gotta be somewhere.”
“A McDonald’s maybe?”
You laughed harder than you normally would, but his smile when he made his joke pulled an airy giggle from your lungs that you had no control over.
You wandered for blocks, finding restaurants that were still busy with long waits. A cute ice cream shop caught both your eyes from across the street and you and Spencer thought the same exact thing.
Some things really didn’t change since you were kids.
“You thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Of course I am, Y/N, why are we still on this side of the street?”
You crossed the road together, way too excited for grown adults to be about having ice cream for dinner. There was a line, but it was only a few people long, so you decided to wait for this more than worth it opportunity. As you approached the store, a young family was leaving. The daughter, a young girl in a pink sweater, was so focused on her cake batter flavored cone, she didn’t realize she dropped her stuffed rabbit. Spencer nearly stepped on it, but he picked it up and called after the family. They didn’t hear him, so he went after them and tapped the father on the shoulder.
“Hi, sorry, I think she dropped this.”
“Oh my goodness, Lucy, you dropped your bunny!” The mother shrieked.
“Thank you so much, really,” said Lucy’s dad, “Say thank you, sweetheart.”
“Thank you, sweetheart!” Lucy took the toy from Spencer and smiled.
About ten feet behind the scene, you were losing it. Spencer turned around after the family left and made a face while you laughed your ass off.
“That was the cutest thing I have ever seen!” You giggled as he held the door open for you, “Thanks, sweetheart.”
Spencer cracked a smile and bit his lips, gaze dropping to the floor as he blushed.
Okay, maybe that was the cutest thing you had ever seen.
“I miss when Jamie was that little. He was so cute!”
“He’s still a cute kid!” The line moves forward, you’re next up.
“Well, yeah, of course, he is! But now he knows what words mean and that’s not as funny.”
“Children learn through imitation, so it makes sense he copied things you did and said because you're his mom, he looks up to you.”
“He looks up to you, too, you know.” The family in front of you got their ice cream and left, leaving you to order, “Can I get a sugar cone of cookies and cream?” The girl behind the counter nodded and scooped your ice cream. She then turned to a catatonic Spencer, who was staring at you, cheeks flushed and lips parted. He snapped out of it and ordered a cup of rocky road with extra marshmallow fluff on top.
“What are you doing?” Spencer asked as you pulled out your credit card.
“Paying for our ice cream, what does it look like?”
“No, I’ll pay—” He reached for his pocket, but was too slow.
“Oops, too late,” you said, swiping your card and smirking. The girl behind the counter smiled and waved to you as you left.
“Did you mean that? Jamie looks up to me?”
You turned to look at Spencer, whose eyes were full of stars as he grinned back at you, “Yeah! Of course, he does!”
“Really?”
“Oh, don’t be so surprised, Spencer, you’re like his real-life superhero. You saved his life, genius, he wants to be just like you.”
“He wants to be a profiler?”
“Not necessarily. He thinks you’re a secret agent. Like a spy.”
Spencer chuckled, “And how do you feel about that?”
“Oh, it’s terrifying, I hate it.”
“Yep,” Spencer spooned some ice cream into his mouth, “That’s what I thought.”
“I mean, Jesus, Spence, I get retroactive heart attacks from all the shit you tell me about your cases, I don’t know if I want my kid getting into that. I’d worry even more than I already do.”
“You worry about me?”
“You can’t be serious.”
“What?”
“You’re my best friend, genius! Of course, I worry about you!”
You finished your ice creams on the metro and walked home in comfortable silence. As you turned the corner onto your block, you grinned up at Spencer.
“Thanks for playing tour guide today. I had fun. Haven’t gone out with friends since I moved here.”
“Why not?”
“Don’t have any friends here to go out with.”
His eyebrows jumped as he sputtered out a sentence, “Oh. W-well why don’t you come out with the team and me sometime?”
“No, they’re your friends I wouldn’t wanna intrude—”
“You wouldn't be intruding, you're my friend too.”
“Spence—”
“One of my teammates is having a dinner party tomorrow night. He’s a great cook and would love to meet you.”
You dug around your bag for your keys, “I don’t know anyone else on the team!”
“You know JJ! And Derek, too. He’s been asking about you.” Spencer’s eyes dropped to his shoes again as your welcome mat became way more interesting than your face.
“Really?” He pursed his lips and nodded. You thought it over for a moment and decided, “Fine. Text me a time and address.”
His eyes snapped back to yours, “No, I-I’ll pick you up.”
“Woah woah woah, you’re gonna drive me around?” You laughed in disbelief, “Sorry, Doc, I know our whole dynamic has changed a bit ‘cuz we’re both grown-ups now, but I’m not sure either of us is quite ready for that.”
His smile finally flashed back across his face, “Come on, I owe you.”
“For what?”
“You bought the ice cream!” His voice was high pitched.
You matched his tone, “You took me to the Shakespeare library!”
“You took me to McDonald’s 106 times in high school! I’m sure the amount of money you spent on my food could buy the whole gift shop!”
Your jaw fell open, “You counted?”
“I can’t help it!”
You rolled your eyes, failing to fight back a grin, “Goodnight, genius.”
He bit his lips and smiled, “Goodnight, Y/N.”
You jam the key in your door and push it open, closing it with your body as you sigh, leaning your head back against it.
“That good, huh?” Said a voice from the living room, causing you to jump.
“Jesus, mom, what are you still doing up?” You sigh, clutching your chest.
“Well, I put Jamie to bed, I figured I’d wait up for you so I can hear about your date!”
“Wh- mom, what are you talking about?”
“With Spencer! How was your date?”
“That wasn’t a date!”
“Really? So you guys just walked around for hours in silence doing nothing?”
“We didn’t just walk around!”
“So what’d you guys do?” She asked, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Oh my god, mom.”
“You’re not denying anything!”
“Mom!”
“You can tell me, it’s just us girls.”
“He took me to the Shakespeare Library! We got ice cream! That’s it! Nothing happened!”
“Shakespeare Library? Ice cream?” her eyebrows darted up so far it was almost like a cartoon character, “Toots, that’s not nothing!”
“It’s nothing. We just saw a play-”
“What play?”
“Midsummer Night’s Dream.”
Your mother closed her book and tossed it next to her on the couch. “Oh! You mean your favorite! Silly me for thinking this was a romantic outing!”
“It wasn’t!”
“Who paid for the ice cream?”
“I did.”
“Did he offer?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t let him.”
Your mother sighed, “You’re telling me it wasn’t a date, but all I’m hearing is that Spencer thought it was.”
“Then why didn’t he make a move?”
“So many reasons! He’s shy! He’s a gentleman! Maybe he thought you weren’t into him.”
“I’m not.”
“Then why are you so upset?”
Is everyone a profiler now? God!
“Mom, it’s getting late, I walked the length of the city today, I’m going to bed. You can stay over if you don’t wanna drive, but I’m getting some sleep.”
“Right, you need to be rested for tomorrow night. Got a dinner party to go to!”
“Were you listening?”
“The window was open just a crack, I may have heard some of the conversation.”
“Jesus…”
“What? You’re meeting his friends already, this is big.”
You groaned, dragging your feet up the stairs to your bedroom, changing out of your clothes, and hopping in the shower before cozying up for bed. Whether or not you wanted to admit your mom was right, you knew she was. And that terrified you.
(Spencer’s POV)
I rang the doorbell of her house at exactly 6:30, just like I said I would. Seconds later, the door swung open and revealed her smiling face shimmering with her makeup. I took in her outfit, a cute floral dress reaching the tops of her knees. I tried to make sure my eyes didn’t linger on the neckline for too long when I noticed a thin silver chain resting on her collarbone. A small heart-shaped pendant dangled from it.
“Wow.” Was all I could manage, “You look—”
“Totally overdressed, right? Cuz I can dress this down a bit, I just need to change the shoes and throw on a jacket. You know what? I have another dress upstairs I’ll just cha—”
“No, Y/N, you look…” Beautiful, enchanting, stunning, like the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen, I thought about saying all of that, but instead, I just said, “Great.”
“Really?”
“Yes.” I tried to say it as sincerely as possible, “Are you ready to go?”
“Yep!” She reached around the door to take a denim jacket from a hook on the wall, throwing it over her shoulders, “Lemme just get my purse—” she glanced around the room and cut herself off with a groan.
“What?”
“I left my bag in my room. Here, come inside, it’s chilly out.” She rushed down the hall to hurry up the stairs to what I’d assume was her bedroom. I stepped across the threshold and into the warm home. There was a faint glow of light from the kitchen, where a child’s laugh bubbled from the room. I followed the sound and found Jamie and Mrs. L/N sitting at the table doing a puzzle.
“Oh, hi, Spencer!” She called.
“Doctor Spencer!” Jamie jumped up from his seat and ran to me, wrapping his arms around my legs.
“Hey, little man!” I ruffled his hair and flashed a grin to Y/N’s mom.
I heard the tapping of shoes descending the stairs behind me, “Okay, got everything, you ready?”
I quickly turned around at the sound of Y/N’s voice and saw her smiling at Jamie beside me.
“Goodnight, Jamie-baby, I’ll see you in the morning, okay? Have fun with grandma,” she cooed as she pressed a kiss to his forehead.
“Goodnight!”
“Bye, buddy!”
“Bye, Doc!”
“Have fun you two, be safe!” Y/N’s mom grinned as she waved us away.
“Oh my god, mom, stop.”
“Okay! Goodnight, my loves!”
“Goodnight!”
Y/N marched out the door and followed the path down to the street, where my car was parked.
“Last chance, Doc, want me to drive instead?”
I passed her to open the passenger side door for her, “Not a chance, I promised.”
“What a gentleman! Now let’s see if we make it there in one piece first.”
The laugh I let out was half-mockery, half-nerves, as I was not the best driver. I had a Ph.D. in engineering and understood more about physics than most people, but that doesn’t mean I knew how to focus well enough to apply that knowledge. When it is literally impossible for me to forget that I have a 1 in 96 chance of dying in a car accident, my hypervigilance does more harm than good.
“So who am I meeting? Who’s on your team?”
My anxieties were somewhat quelled by the sound of her voice, allowing me to pull my thoughts away from the possibility of becoming one of the 20% of fatal car crashes that occur in intersections.
“Well, you already know JJ and Garcia. Hotch, my boss—”
“Tall, dark, handsome? Never smiles?”
I chuckled, “That’s the guy.”
“He seems fun at parties.”
“He’s actually not that bad. Just a bit too serious sometimes.”
“Okay, and who haven’t I met?”
“The host, David Rossi, Emily, you’ll love them.”
“Is Derek coming?”
IQ of 187 and I still don’t think anyone could have explained to me why that upset me as much as it did. It’s not like Y/N was my girlfriend or anything, she was allowed to want Derek, most girls did, so there was no reason for me to be jealous. She wasn’t mine to lose.
“Yeah. He’ll be there.”
We pulled up to Rossi’s mansion a few minutes later, after riding in semi-awkward silence. She waited for me next to her side of the car, not wanting to walk up to the door by herself. I reached out to place a reassuring hand on her shoulder as I drew closer. She gave me a tight-lipped smile before dropping her eyes to the ground between us.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m nervous, what if they don’t like me.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, what’s not to love?” I didn’t even realize how much I meant those words at the time, so I doubt she understood how serious I was, but her smile softened and her shoulders relaxed slightly under my touch. I led her up to the front porch and rang the doorbell. Shortly after, Garcia opened the door and beamed at the two of us.
“You’re here! Oh my goodness, so nice to see you again!” She pulled Y/N into a hug that she very quickly accepted.
“Hi, Penelope, good to see you too.” She pulled away and grinned at me, the worry mostly drained from her eyes now.
“Come here, boy genius, you get one too!” She wrapped her arms around my waist and my face found its place in her blonde curls. We all went inside and saw the whole team sitting around a coffee table with glasses of wine in their hands. JJ put her glass on the table and got up from her seat on the cushy leather couch to hug Y/N.
“You’re not one of mine, are you?” Rossi sipped his drink and eyed Y/N.
“Um, this is Y/N, my uh, my friend.” I stammered.
“Ah! You’re the doctor’s little lady friend I’ve heard so much about!” Rossi put his scotch down on the table and crossed the room to kiss her on both cheeks, “Lovely to meet you, bella, I’m—”
“David Rossi. Yes, Spencer’s told me about you. Nice to meet you,” she grinned, shaking his hand.
“Ah,” he scoffed, “call me Dave.”
“What? No fair!” Emily piped up, taking a big sip of wine, “You just met her and she gets ‘Dave’ privileges? I’ve worked with you for months!”
“Emily, look me in the eyes and try to call me Dave.” She looked at him and opened her mouth like she was about to say something, but she just took another sip while JJ and Morgan laughed at her.
Hotch flashed a rare smile to Y/N, “Good to see you again.”
“Yes! Glad it’s under better circumstances, Agent Hotchner.”
“Me too. And please,” he extended a hand to her, “call me Aaron.”
This time it was Morgan who spoke up, “No way! Only Rossi calls you by your first name!”
“And me,” Emily mumbled.
“And now Y/N, too.”
“I’m honored, Aaron.”
Looking at her face now all remaining anxiety had just about vanished. I told her she had nothing to worry about, and now she was finally listening to me. Rossi called us all to the kitchen where he told us to grab a plate so he could serve us before we sat down at the table. He gave us each a plate of his famous spaghetti carbonara before taking his seat at the head of the table. The team all chatted about their lives, as we ate. Hotch showed Y/N pictures of Jack on his phone, Emily probed JJ about Will, Morgan, and Rossi poked fun at me for bringing Y/N, but I just rolled my eyes and tried to ignore them. Plates were cleaned, stories were told, and wine bottles were emptied. Mostly by Emily and Y/N.
JJ was the one to try to cut them off, “Don’t you have to drive this one home?” She gestured to me.
She put her hands up defensively, “He picked me up.”
“Reid, you hate driving!” Garcia pointed out, prompting Morgan to spare a knowing glance to Rossi.
“You do?”
“I don’t hate it, I just prefer not to.” I was a profiler, but that didn’t mean I was a good liar.
“Spence, I offered to drive you.”
I shrugged, “I didn’t mind.”
Her eyes lingered on me for another moment before taking another sip of wine and resuming her conversation with Emily. I knew they’d get along. Towards the end of the night, Rossi proposed a toast.
“To familia.”
Y/N smiled, staying quiet.
“Oh, come on now, you too, bella.” He raised his glass to her and clinked the crystal, “You’re stuck with us now, get over it.”
“I’m not complaining, Dave.” Her words were to Rossi, but she never stopped looking at me. Probably just had a bit too much to drink.
Right?
Taglist~~~
Lmk if you wanna be added! Some names didn’t work so if you don’t see your name as a tag just dm me a url and I’ll try to fix it
@lawnmoa @ellvswriting @baby-pogue @rottenearly @confused-and-really-hungry @thatsonezesty13 @deni-gonzalez @irjuejjsaa @randomfandomshitposts @bisoner @moonstarrnghtsky @smurfflynn @eldahae @t0xicllama @undeniablyyou @staplernpaper @theweirdobella @sammypotato67 @k-k0129 @helloniallslovelies @dazzlingnights @uhuhuh
@booksarekindaneat @crimeshowtrash
#spencer reid#spencer reid smut#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x reader#Matthew Gray Gubler#matthew gray gubler fanfiction#matthew gray gubler imagine#matthew gray gubler smut#mgg imagine#mgg fanfiction#mgg smut#mgg x reader#mgg#cm imagine#cm fan fiction#cm#Criminal Minds#Criminal Minds Fanfiction#Criminal Minds Reid#criminal minds imagine
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Since I’m still rather new around here, I’ll give you guys a bio about me so y’all can get to know me better! My blog is sfw, and I post both tickling and non-tickling stuff here. They shall be tagged accordingly! Also, feel free to send fic requests, headcanon ideas, and questions about the fandoms I like and its characters, media, etc! I also take tickle asks/roleplays, of course~.
I am quite busy in real life though, so please be patient with me! I work in retail part-time but I also have responsibilities at home that often make me distracted/slow.
Also, I do not take headcanons or requests for Ozzy/Thrax. I hate that ship with a passion because, in my opinion (which you don’t have to agree with.), it’s driven by lust/yaoi shippers who have mysogynistic views, and also because I had bad experiences with users who had shipped them. If you do, they will be deleted. This mama’s done with that trauma.
Name: Sissy.
Nicknames for me: Sis, dork, anything else you guys wanna come up with for me. Just don’t call me late for dinner lol. ;3
Age: 25.
Pronouns: She/Her!
Sexual alignment: Aromantic/Asexual! 🖤🤍💚💜
I’m also Autistic, and have ADHD/Generalized anxiety and slight depression. Which means I’m socially challenged at times. I implore you to communicate if you feel like I misinterpreted ANYTHING or you wish to talk about something that upsets you. I want everyone to feel safe and welcome here. I promise I won’t bite!
Personality: Quirky, energetic, out-going, nerdy, passionate, but pretty friendly and chill. I try to be kind to all I meet!
Likes: TV, video games, cartoons, reading, art/animation, comic books, music, (Specially rock, country, hip-hop, and of course Disney lol. If it’s good/got a beat, I’ll love it.) singing and voice impressions, movies, hot dogs, chimichangas, going on walks, exercising, art/animation, playful sarcasm, jokes and puns, comedy, smiles and laughter (Especially for others!) aaaand reading fanfics (I like fluff, sometimes angst, comfort fics, action, etc. Tickle ones too, lol. Mostly platonic ones but romance is nice too! Long as it ain’t nsfw. 🙏❤️), my dogs, hugs, and havin’ fun.
Dislikes: Bugs, seeing someone cry or upset, people who say cartoons are just for kids (It’s for adults too, bub. :p), loneliness (Sometimes. Gotta love anxiety and depression, hahaha...xD), politics, transphobes and racists and pedos (Oh my! XP), homophobes, and just overall people who are mean to others.
Acceptance and love is what I strive for here. I won’t judge anyone by anything except their character. If you’re a meanie, ya get blocked, ‘kay?
Fandoms: Osmosis Jones (Movie AND show. Both are gems and I shall die on that hill), Sonic the Hedgehog, The Owl House, Marvel, TMNT, The Mask (Cartoon mostly but I love the movie too!), Beetlejuice (I love both the show and movie buuut I’ll be doing the cartoon for fics and such. Beetlejuice/Lydia broship forever!!! Romantic shippers for them in the cartoon, please stay off this blog.), Foster’s Home For Imaginary Friends, etc! I got too many, lol.
Tickle info: 70% Lee. 30% Ler! Mostly Lee, but can Switch every blue moon or if I’m tempted enough. ;3
Bullies, sexists, people who are phobic/hateful of ANY gender or race, and all around mean folks are not welcome here. Politics suck. Pedos, go burn. Autism Speaks is awful and those who support their methods need to be in jail.
Not a fetish/kink blog. Focused on the fluffy, safe, and silly side of tickles. If you send/try to do NSFW rps you will be blocked immediately.
Enjoy your stay here! 💖✌️
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Do You Want Me? // pp x fem!reader
Summary: You aren’t that great at being subtle but Peter doesn’t mind.
Word Count: 1.7k
Warnings: smut, Peter and reader are in college!
You weren’t failing Calculus I. You did however fail the third quiz which had your professor assign you a tutor. Which was exactly what you wanted. Other people would roll their eyes at your little crush on a fellow classmate, Peter Parker. Sure he was dorky and wore these dumb graphic tees that made everyone roll their eyes. But you’ve seen him working out at the school gym, you knew he was more than meets the eye. And that wasn’t the only reason you wanted to meet him in his dorm room to study for the upcoming quiz. He was sweet and kind and didn’t laugh like the rest of the class did when you weren’t paying attention and got the answer to a question wrong. You’ve talked to him before, in passing, you’ve seen him around campus, sometimes in your own building, which confused you since his dorm was on the other side of campus. Maybe he was meeting friends. You shook your head, smiling slightly before changing into your prettiest lingerie and tugging on a silly graphic tee, similar to something Peter would wear before settling onto your bed.
You heard a knock at your door and stood up, fixing your hair in the mirror before opening the door slightly, hiding your lower half behind it.
Was this too forward? Maybe. It definitely was actually. But you knew that Peter wouldn’t make the first move, that had to be on you.
“Hi,” his voice is higher than normal and you tilted your head with a smile.
“Hey Pete.”
“Can I come in?” He asks and you nod, looking behind him for a clear coast before swinging the door wide open.
“Oh,” he says, feet hesitant as he sees your legs bare as you turn walking to your bed, the red of your lingerie peeking out from underneath your t-shirt.
“I hope you don’t mind, it’s just so hot in the dorms with no AC, gotta stay cool somehow,” you smirk, “close the door behind you.”
You hear the door close and Peter shuffle further into your room. You sit on your bed, crossing your legs underneath you as you look back at Peter, backpack hanging off of one shoulder.
“Join me?”
He nods, mouth dry, he wets his lips and you can’t help but stare at them as he does so.
“So, you want to study for the third quiz?” He places his backpack on the ground next to your bed, slipping his shoes off before sitting on the farthest end away from you.
His eyes can’t help but roam down your legs, he swallows thickly before looking back up at you.
“Yeah, I guess I want to make sure I really understand differential equations before the quiz.”
“Yeah, so, lemme get my notes,” he stutters out as he pulls up his backpack and opens it.
“Thanks, for agreeing to do this.”
“Yeah,” he breathes out, smiling slightly as he read your shirt, “beauty is in the eye of the, beholder?”
You laugh and nod, pointing at the picture of the cartoon bee in a pair of hands, “glad you understood that.”
“I’m perceptive,” Peter nods with a gulp.
“Then do you want to know why I’m wearing this?” You ask, hand resting on his calf, the only part of him close enough for you to touch.
“I think about you,” Peter blurts out and you tilt your head, “I think about you,” his voice is more confident.
“How do you think about me?”
“I’m assuming, I mean it’s hot but you could wear shorts, those gray athletic shorts,”
“So you do watch me,” you grin slyly as you crawl across the bed, sitting between Peter’s spread thighs. His jeans scratch against your bare thighs as you rest your hands on his.
“So why would you wear those, really pretty panties unless you wanted me.”
You blush as Peter’s hands drop his notes to the ground and rest on your bare thighs, fingers rubbing circles into your skin.
“I think about you when I’m bored, or lonely,” his hand cups your chin and forces you to look up at him.
You stare into the brown eyes in front of yours, his hand still firm on your chin, your mouth opens slightly, tongue peeking out to wet your lips.
“Do you want me?” He asks, voice nervous, afraid that you would reject him.
“Yes,” you breath out, tongue tracing the tip of his thumb.
“Thank god,” Peter laughs deeply and you’re hands are wrapping around his neck, pulling him towards you, his hand drops to your hip as you straddle his.
“I’m not the best at being too subtle,” you sigh against his soft lips as his tongue attempts to poke into your mouth, “didn’t wanna scare you away.”
“Mhm, I think these are plenty inviting,” he smirks against your lips, tongue tracing them as his hand grips the flesh of your ass over your panties.
“Good,” you giggle into his mouth before his tongue meets yours.
“Do you wanna, wanna do this?” He asks as he pulls back slightly, hands playing with the hem of your panties.
“God yes,” you whimper as his hand smacks your ass.
“Good,” he grins, hand tugging your shirt up and over.
He groans and his head smacks against the end of your bed when he sees your breasts, encased in a pretty white lace bra, matching your panties.
“Like what you see?” You smirk and he nods, fingers hesitantly ghosting over your ribs before you become impatient, grabbing them and placing them on your breasts.
His tongue peeks out of his lips, concentrated as he works to find your nipple under the lace, pinching it lightly as he takes in your small whimper.
“You like that?” He grins as your hips grind against his own.
“Love it, come on, lemme ride you Pete,” your voice is breathy as you pull his shirt over his head.
“God, please,” he manages to get out, and you’re slipping off of him, moving to grab a condom from your bedside drawer.
He’s unbuttoning his jeans and they’re halfway down his thighs, cock throbbing against his boxers as you bend down, purposefully showing him how great your ass looks.
You turn back and he’s completely naked, his hard cock resting against his thigh as you try your hardest not to stare.
“Gonna ride me?” He smirks at you, hand lazily moving to stroke his cock.
“Come on cowboy,” you joke before groaning, “sorry I say stupid things when I’m flustered.”
“You’re flustered?” He asks, hand pausing as you climb back on the bed.
“I mean, yeah, you’re a cute guy, a good guy, I uh, I’ve wanted to do this for a while.”
“It just took me being asked to tutor you to do the job?”
You nod and he laughs a little.
“I’ve wanted to do this for a while too.”
“Really?”
“Since the first day of class, you took one look at my shirt and laughed and looked at me, which that smile you’ve got right now, and said ‘nice shirt’. I’ve been a sucker ever since.”
“Good,” you smile as you open the condom package, your hand hesitates before he covers it with his own and helps your roll the condom onto his cock. He groans at the sensation of your hand, so different from his own, stroking his cock as you straddle his hips again.
He lets you do your thing, his hand moving behind your back to unhook your bra.
His eyes light up as he sees your breasts in full view, nipples hard as you move your hand back to stroke your cock.
His hands hold your breasts tenderly in his hands, fingers running over your nipples. You moan as your mouths meet, more rushed this time, his hand moving down to cup your pussy.
“Soaked right through these huh?” he asks against your lips and you nod as he pulls your panties to the side, fingers swiping through your slick folds.
“You’re gonna feel so good around my cock won’t ya?” He smiles before both hands grip the side of your panties, tearing them.
“Peter!” You gasp and you’re positive you got impossibly wetter.
He smiles warmly at you before you sit up, pussy free to take his cock.
As soon as you’re fully seated on his cock you begin to move, moving your hips, slowly at first, just grinding down against his cock, Peter’s hand’s rough against your hips, face buried in your chest, lightly sucking on the tops of your breasts, hesitant to leave any marks.
“Come on Pete, afraid to show a girl a good time?” You manage to get out as your hips move in figure 8’s on his cock.
He grins against you before his teeth are bared and you whimper as he bites at the top of your breast, tongue soothing the mark he left.
“Like that?” He smiles and you look down to see the blossoming red mark.
“Fuck, yes,” You moan as he gets to work, leaving no part of your chest untouched, littering it with hickeys as your hips stutter against his own.
His fingers tighten on your hips as he gets closer to his high, his cock twitching inside of you.
“Touch me, fuck, make me come Pete,” you sigh above him.
He nods against your chest, finger slipping between you to rub your clit, your juices wetting the space between you, slicking your thighs as he makes quick work of bringing you to orgasm.
“Holy fuck,” you grunt as you come, Peter following close behind with a whisper of your name against your neck.
“Wow,” you laugh as you slump against him, his hands helping you off his soft cock, helping you stand up.
“Don’t want a UTI, go pee,” he smacks your ass as you move out of bed.
“Didn’t learn that in calc I did ya?” You laugh, grabbing his t-shirt, another graphic tee, you must’ve not noticed it when he first got here. An atom telling another atom “I lost an electron” and the atom in return saying “are you positive?”
“Nope, sex ed in high school.”
“Okay, I’ll pee as long as you stay right there,” you point at the bed and he nods, biting his lip as he watches you slip on his shirt before grabbing athletic shorts from your dresser and pulling them on as well.
You clean yourself up before slipping under the covers with Peter, “so like, do you want to be my boyfriend or whatever?”
“God yes,” he responds, letting you curl up behind him and rest your head on his shoulder.
***
Taglist: @tom-hollands-blog @spider-babes @practicallylivesonline @tom-hollands-wife @quinjetboi @rageyoudamnednerd @sunnydays0803 @jackiehollanderr@khhbby @fancyxholland @thomasthetankson @lousimusician @amyalpha@musiclover1263 @peterbxrnes @relise-thefury @starsholland @sluttylokii@peteunderoos @saysomethingspiderman @therealcap @yamyam515 @dylanrauhl@mobbinholland @whisperingspace @desir-ae @legendsofwholock@pumpkinsinnerpie @darktwistydiamond @aestheticqueen18 @marveltho @joonmail @ccnicole02 @harrydesires @theamazingtomholland @lunatic-dream @i-guess-n0t
#peter parker#peter parker smut#peter parker x reader#peter parker x fem!reader#peter parker reader insert#peter parker college!au#peter parker x fem!reader smut#peter parker x reader smut#peter parker imagine#peter parker oneshot#peter parker one shot#peter parker x y/n
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BONUS: The Last Airbender
In case you’re finding this post just by browsing the tags I’ve used for this post, this is the Watchathon, a blog where I’m hoping to watch an episode of a show (or in this case, a movie) every one-to-two days, with a short blog post where I give my thoughts on what I’ve just seen. Each new point starts with a hyphen and a bolded first word.
- Like so.
But today, I’m subjecting myself to the notorious live-action film The Last Airbender, to... Well, to “celebrate” its tenth anniversary. I initially planned on doing it either after Book 1, or after Book 3, but for whatever reason, I have decided to do this now.
Fair warning, this is going to be one of my rare posts where I’ll be mostly negative.
So much for “gushing about things I like”...
Also, so much for “the rare occasion I cover movies”, but that I don’t mind so much. The Lilo & Stitch post was a ton of fun to make.
- So, first things first, I don’t tend to be a fan of live-action movies based on animated properties in general. But it’s not like I don’t give them a chance.
Sometimes I even like them better than the original. I could never get through The Jungle Book in one sitting as a kid, but the 2016 live-action remake? I adored it!
Even the worst ones I tend to be “meh” about rather than flat-out disliking. But The Last Airbender? I hated it when I watched it as a kid... Emphasis on the past tense. I could well change my tune because of this, though I can’t imagine I’ll end up liking it.
- They recreate the “Water, earth, fire, air” part of the intro but without narration. Which, to be frank, just makes it look pretty silly.
- “The four nations. Water, Earth, Fire, and Air Nomads.” Sooo are they all nomads?
- Awvatar? Pronouncing Aang as Awng, I could sorta get, but... Awvatar? Really?!
- It feels oh-so-weird to see a white Katara and Sokka, when they, and all the people of the Water Tribes, had the darkest skin in the show.
- Something that really strikes me about this movie already is that it’s so... humorless. Sokka described himself once in the show as “the meat and sarcasm guy” if I’m remembering right, and not even five minutes in I can already tell we’re missing half of that description.
- Not only is this movie humorless, it can seem strangely... smaller, than the cartoon. In the cartoon, Katara got Aang out of the iceberg by accidentally using powerful Waterbending.
But here, Sokka causes the ice to crack by accident, revealing the iceberg with Aang inside. Then Katara grabs Sokka’s boomerang and whacks the iceberg twice with it.
- More about the lack of humor: There’s not even a mention of penguin sledding once Aang is out either.
- And not only are our most prominent Waterbenders white, the Fire Nation (who had light skin in the cartoon) have the darkest skin of the whole main cast. Juuust great...
- Aang’s heroic moment from the cartoon is taken away from him. In the cartoon, Aang was on his way out of the Southern Water Tribe when he saw the Fire Nation approaching, at which point he turned around and helped them.
Here? Aang sits in a tent until one of the Fire Nation soldiers sees his tattoos and drags him out.
- “We found that boy, he’s our responsibility!” Katara sounds like she’s talking about a stray puppy they found. “I’ll feed him, and bathe him, and teach him!”
- It crosses the line into unintentional hilarity when, as Katara and Sokka are discussing Aang, there’s just Appa noises in the background, entirely unremarked upon. The only take a glance in that direction once they’re done talking, ironically after Appa’s quietened down somewhat.
- Nobody gets out of this movie without major changes, but if it weren’t for Iroh referring to Zuko as his nephew, I’d have never guessed it was him. Also, Eeroh. Frankly, I’ll be surprised if Zuko isn’t pronounced Zucko.
- Katara and Sokka’s grandmother pronounces Avatar correctly. Why don’t Katara and Sokka? Or, heck, why doesn’t she pronounce it “Awvatar”? It’d be better if they stuck to one rather than the inconsistent pronunciation.
- I’ll give them props: The idea of testing if Aang is the Avatar by setting four objects representing the elements in front of him is pretty cool. Does become kinda silly, though, when the rock just... wobbles and goes upright. They could have had it, like, cracking, but instead, wobbly rock.
- I might be misremembering, but it felt like Aang’s escape from Zuko’s ship was a lot... more, in the cartoon. I know, time constraints of fitting a twenty-episode season into a two-hour movie. But I have to tilt my head at just how much shorter (and milder) this particular scene is than its animated counterpart.
- It’s weird how Katara’s narration calls Aang by name, then like a minute later (at most) we see her ask him for his name.
- Wow, is it weird to see Aasif Mandvi playing Zhao when I watched The Daily Show as a teenager.
- Exposition is always fun when it’s delivered in the form of a roast.
- “But we will let [Zuko] wear [the Fire Nation uniform] today, like a child wearing a costume.” And nobody even smiles at Zhao’s sick burn.
- Hey, at least they have Iroh drinking tea. But cartoon Iroh probably wouldn’t do that so casually while his nephew is fighting Zhao’s soldiers. And cartoon Iroh would probably smile. At some point in time.
- And movie Katara and Sokka have apparently gone all the way to the Earth Kingdom without learning that Aang is the Avatar.
- “He was bending tiny stones at us from behind a tree! It really hurt!” I gotta be honest, that’s not a bad joke. It does feel kinda out of place with the general tone of the movie thus far, but whatever. I’ll take the lighthearted fun moments where I can get them.
- I can sort of understand why they would want the Earthbenders imprisoned by the Fire Nation to have some sort of earth to bend without the Gaang going to all that trouble to get the coal. But putting them in a quarry is more than a bit overboard.
- Aang gets a big Katara moment from the cartoon. And the thing is, Katara doesn’t really get that much time to shine in this movie. She could have used a moment like this one. Heck, Aang could’ve joined in to confirm that the Avatar has returned.
But no... In this scene, Katara just shoves a Fire Nation soldier who’s being rude to Aang.
- Ah, the infamous pebble dance. And the thing is, in the cartoon, this would’ve been a joke.
Aang would go through this huge, over-the-top dance just to make a relatively small rock float slowly towards a Fire Nation soldier. At which point, Toph would make the rock move much faster before teasing Aang about what he just did.
- Ohhh, gosh, I’m half an hour into this hour-and-a-half movie, and the post already looks like... this.
- “Teachers to teach you bending.” A lot of attention gets given to another repetitive line later on in the movie, but we shouldn’t ignore this beauty.
- Weird to see Ozai in plain view. Especially considering how, later on, he will be framed in shadow.
- Agni Key... What is it with this movie and changing pronunciations? I wouldn’t even care if that was the only problem, but with how it is, it’s one of several things that make this movie feel like “Avatar but wrong”.
- “Yip yip.” Gosh, does it feel weird to hear those words in a movie that tries to be more serious than the cartoon.
- I had to stop and continue this in the morning since it was late, so I might be forgetting something... But was it established before the Blue Spirit that Zuko knew Zhao would be hunting the Avatar?
- Hard to take it seriously when Zhao looks at his soldiers, chained by their hands to the ceiling, and simply mutters “fools.”
- “You think my son is this person the soldiers are calling ‘Blue Spirit’?” *pause of at least four seconds* “...Yes.”
- “My brother and the princess became friends right away.” First off, that’s really underplaying it. But second, Sokka’s face is so blank as Katara says this that I can’t buy even that.
- Zhao really becomes a much less threatening force when it’s Ozai who tells him to kill the spirits, when it’s Ozai who starts talking about their destiny.
- “HOOOOOOOOO” lives in a pineapple under the sea?!
- Everything in the Spirit World is compressed into this one dragon. Which makes it seem a lot less like a Spirit World than just the home of this dragon.
- I would say that the whole bit of Aang trying to avoid Zuko even though he’s right behind him is more like something from the cartoon... But, the dramatic music really makes it seem like this is supposed to be a serious moment. And it just doesn’t work as one.
- Iroh’s trying to stop Zhao is nowhere near as good as it was in the cartoon.
- “He’s making fire out of nothing!” I don’t understand why they made the change that this is uncommon. The Fire Nation are the villains, they should be stronger than other benders.
- “It’s time we show the Fire Nation that we believe in our beliefs as much as they believe in theirs.” I don’t understand how anyone thought this could work as a serious line.
- Back to the whole thing of this being smaller than the cartoon, Aang doesn’t turn into Aangzilla here. He accomplishes a very impressive feat of Waterbending, but when I just watched the cartoon version last week, it feels lesser in comparison.
- I imagine this is supposed to be Aang bowing in response, since he didn’t with the monks. But it doesn’t look like bowing. It just looks like an elegant dance move.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Yeah, I still don’t like it much. But I’ll say this: Now that I’ve watched it again, I appreciate the cartoon so much more.
I appreciate the characters. I appreciate the tone, I appreciate the pacing. And I appreciate all the things that are lacking from this movie.
I can only hope that the new live-action adaptation will be better, even if I know the cartoon will still be my preferred way of experiencing the story.
#The Last Airbender#bonus post#long post#really long post#super long post#negativity#negative#Katara#Sokka#Aang#Iroh#Zuko#Zhao#pebble dance#Fire Lord Ozai#Movie
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So there’s this little cartoon you may have heard of...
As I’ve said on this blog before, I’d never watched all of SatAM. This might be shocking to hear from someone who runs a blog dedicated to Archie Sonic and one of the top twenty Bunnie Rabbot fangirls in the world. But it’s true.
SatAM was very difficult to track down compared to other Sonic cartoons when I was a kid, and I just never got around to watching it as an adult. So for the longest time, I had only ever seen the first episode, which I found uploaded in parts on YouTube in 2007. As the one cartoon featuring the characters I liked from the comics, it became sort of this holy grail of Sonic media for me as a kid, especially with people online always talking it up as the best thing ever and petitioning for a revival. Hell, to this day, a lot of people hold it up as this masterpiece and act like the Archie comics were a complete mockery of it
Anyway so I finally got around to watching the whole series with my boyfriend these past couple weeks, and it was pretty good. So instead of covering a comic today, here are some thoughts on the cartoon that started it all
General Thoughts
SatAM is a pretty good show. It isn’t the greatest piece of Sonic media ever, unlike what some older fans will tell you. It might not even be the best Sonic cartoon (you could easily make a case for the Japanese version of Sonic X, or Sonic Boom if you’re looking for something more comedic). It hasn’t aged the most gracefully, in some ways. The animation’s cheap, the stories sometimes bland. But for a DiC-produced video game cartoon from the early ‘90s, it’s really solid
I think that in many ways, SatAM is carried by the strength of its ideas over its actual execution. The darker, more serious tone is a really cool idea, even if at times it can get a little dull, and even if the show actually gets silly as hell pretty often. (This is a show where Snively literally tortures a captive Antoine by preparing French cuisine improperly.) That opening scene of Robotropolis in the first episode actually sets the mood really well and feels like it came straight out of some cyberpunk anime from the ‘80s or ‘90s. The concept of Robotnik turning people into robot slaves is really cool, even if surprisingly little was done with this aside from Uncle Chuck’s storyline. And I think the Freedom Fighters make a great supporting cast for Sonic, even if the writers didn’t use them to their full potential
Interestingly, I’d often heard from fans that season one was the stronger of the two, when I’d say that the opposite is true. Season one episodes were pretty samey, usually involving low stakes missions to Robotropolis with no real continuity, and Sally ended up being a damsel in distress more than I’d like--hell, so did Bunnie in a few episodes. It wasn’t bad, but it was highly repetitive, and I got a little bored at times. Season two had a few real stinkers (the Antoine episodes) and Dulcy was an unwelcome addition, but I thought the heavier focus on continuity gave the season some real momentum and more emotional weight, which made it way more enjoyable overall
Things I Liked
Sonic. I quite liked this version of Sonic, actually! Jaleel White is a great Sonic, and he was written pretty well. At times the extremely tubular ‘90s lingo was grating (I never wanna hear “Gotta juice!” again), but I was surprised to see that this version of Sonic had a lot of heart. He really cared about the well-being of his friends and Uncle Chuck, and they even let him cry a couple times. I thought they struck a good balance between snark and sincerity with him
Sally. I don’t think SatAM Sally was perfect, but I liked her. I’m still of the opinion that she should have been given more ways to defend herself physically (maybe some kind of power of her own) so that Sonic didn’t have to save her as much, but I liked the banter she and Sonic had. Unlike the early Archie comics, Sally doesn’t come off as the bossy girlfriend who ruins Sonic’s fun. Maybe it’s Jaleel White and Kath Soucie’s performances doing most of the work, but they had a fun back and forth dynamic, with Sally’s sarcasm keeping Sonic’s ego in check, but there still being clear chemistry between the two of them
I also liked the greatly reduced emphasis on her being a princess compared to much of Archie’s material. Like yeah, it’s there. Her dad’s the king, and left her some classified info via Nicole. But her status doesn’t really affect things much. They don’t talk about her having this grand destiny and being the next in line to rule. It’s clear that she’s in charge of the Freedom Fighters not because of her status, but because she’s smart, brave, and gets shit done. That’s the Sally I like.
Plus! In the finale, Sally insisted upon going with Sonic for the final confrontation, and was a crucial part of the climax. Her powering up with Sonic and matching his speed and strength ruled. Compare that to the climactic defeat of Robotnik in Archie, where she was fucking dead
Robotnik. I don’t think much needs to be said here. Jim Cummings rules as Robotnik, like everyone has always said. He’s just so evil and so much fun to watch
Snively??? I’ve never cared for Snively as a character, but Charlie Adler rules and his over-the-top performance made the character way funnier than he should’ve been. Just something about all the little noises he makes, and the way he almost shifts into the Red Guy voice at times
Nicole. It was fun to see Nicole start to get more of a personality in season two, having some banter with Sonic and also picking up some slang from him. It makes the later decision to turn Sally’s computer into a full character (which would have happened in season three, and obviously eventually became a big subplot in the comics) make a lot of sense
King Acorn. While he was only around briefly, I liked that he wasn’t a huge dick, unlike Archie’s King Max
Things I Didn’t Like
The misuse of the other Freedom Fighters. This is, by far, the show’s greatest crime.
I already write approximately 100k words a week on this blog about how I think Bunnie Rabbot is amazing and criminally underused, so I’ll keep this brief, but I was shocked to see how little she was used in this show. People tend to say Dulcy stole her screentime in season two, but she didn’t have much to do in the first season either! We somehow never got a single episode focusing on her. The one where she got temporarily deroboticized focused much more on Uncle Chuck. We never got to learn the story behind her roboticization, or delved into her feelings on the matter much. She mostly just served as a positive, lighthearted supporting member of the team who acts cute and gets some funny lines, but usually stays home
Antoine might have been even worse, honestly. Like, they used him so much! They had multiple episodes focusing entirely on him! And yet I’m not sure he ever really helped. Sonic and Sally kept taking him along, but every single time it felt like it would’ve been a wiser decision to bring Bunnie instead. The jokes about his broken English were just dumb, and god, the way he constantly hits on Sally and starts kissing her hand at the most inappropriate times is just SO fucking creepy. SatAM Antoine is just a horrible, one-dimensional stereotype. There’s a reason why readers of the Archie comics wanted him out of the series until later writers majorly rehabilitated him
Rotor also didn’t get much use, which was a shame, but it at least felt like he was used efficiently. I got the vibe that Rotor was much more bitter about the war with Robotnik than his friends, and it would’ve been interesting to see this explored more. At least we got that one fun episode where he went to space with Sonic
Dulcy. Oh my fucking god. I wanted to like Dulcy! I really did! But most of the time she was just a clutz used for comic relief, and they kept reusing the same joke where she crashed, bumped her head, got dizzy, and thought she was talking to her mom. This happened in almost every episode she was in.
The other miscellaneous Freedom Fighters. Like in the early Archie comics, none of the other miscellaneous Mobians they meet were as interesting as the core cast. They just always felt very bland and I was never as invested in them as the writers wanted me to be. Ari was boring, and that episode where they found the underground city and this other dude started hitting on Sally was a drag. Lupe’s cute though
Rings. This is a common problem in Sonic adaptations, but the fact that rings always serve as Sonic’s instant win button kind of sucks. Basically any time Sonic’s in a pinch, he pulls a ring out of his backpack, powers up, and wins. Not exactly a recipe for suspenseful action
Oh, also, I did kinda find it weird how much Sonic and Sally kissed? Like, all the time? Often while their friends just stand there and stare at them? Not something I’d expect from a Sonic cartoon
Things Archie Did Better
I’ll limit this to the first 50 issues or so, since I don’t think it would be fair to compare two short seasons of SatAM to the highlights of nearly 500 issues of comics
Tails. Tails is okay in SatAM, Archie just used him as Sonic’s sidekick way more. He was barely even in the show. Poor little guy only gets to play dirt hockey all day
Bunnie. Again, Bunnie was underutilized in both series, but the Archie comics did her better. They actually showed the story of how she got roboticized (even if it was a silly story), and they got to flesh her out a bit more. Gallagher showing that she was a carrot farmer before her roboticization and saying she wanted to be a hairdresser was at least something. And as I keep harping on, Rich Koslowski’s backup story in #37 where we find out Bunnie has recurring nightmares about her robot parts taking over and making her a threat to her friends? This single backup story did more to flesh her out than all 26 episodes of SatAM combined
Antoine. Not hard to do better than SatAM here, really. He was really bad early on, serving as little more than Sonic’s punching bag, but eventually they started to set up a romance between him and Bunnie and explored his past a bit, saying that Antoine’s father (his personal role model) was a member of the royal guard who was roboticized in the war. While he still had a long way to go, these were important first steps towards him being a decent character. Hell, these days, being Bunnie’s love interest is one of Antoine’s defining characteristics! And it doesn’t come from the cartoon at all
Roboticization in general. I was surprised how little this came up in the cartoon! In the comics, it’s such a central element. We see more of the heroes’ loved ones turned into robots, and we even got some fun stories where characters like Sonic and Sally were roboticized temporarily. The Freedom Fighters’ efforts to reverse the process was a major part of the plot for quite a while. Bunnie’s fear of losing control is a pretty important part of her character (even if it was only touched on briefly), and after they’re rescued, the rest of the Mobians fear that the “Robians” (including Sonic’s entire family) will turn evil again. It comes up a lot! There are interesting things to discuss here! But SatAM only really talks about Uncle Chuck. We never even see what happened to everyone else
Closing Thoughts
SatAM is not the best show in the world, but it is a solid and enjoyable one. It’s easy to see why people who grew up with it are fond of it, even if I think that it’s long past time certain fans quit acting like it’s the only valid take on the Sonic source material and petitioning for a third season. At the very least, the concepts and characters introduced here are strong ones, and it’s easy to see how they spawned over 20 years of comics exploring said ideas in greater detail. While I’m not sure I could recommend it to non-fans, I think it’s definitely worth checking out for Sonic fans who missed out on it (especially fans of the Archie comics)
Anyway I got to see Bunnie dropkick some Swatbots twice her height so I had fun
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Hey, Felix! - A Review of The Twisted Tales of Felix the Cat - Guardian Idiot
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Viewing the series as a whole, we could say that Twisted Tales is a mixed bag: not only in the sense of “the ratio of good to bad episodes is like a 50/50″, but, since it suffered from too many cooks in the kitchen during its production, we can see episodes taking entirely different directions.
The current plan is to review the three first episodes of the series: these were the very first ones I’ve watched and the ones that made me fall in love with the series, and we’re going to attempt to pinpoint exactly why. At first, I wanted to approach all three at once, but I think it will be better if I tackle them one by one. Still, I’ll keep this video that has all three because it’s got the best quality I could find.
GUARDIAN IDIOT
- 1:09-2:17 - We start not with Felix himself, but with the villain of this episode! And a pretty memorable one to boot! You just can’t go wrong with the morbidity of the meat industry, especially in a setting where animals are sapient.
Highlights of the Butcher’s presentation are:
(1:09-1:17) introduces us to the main subject and the place the villain operates in: a fast food restaurant where people are chowing down burgers in a rather gross and even brutal manner (pay close attention to the background lady)
One of my personal highlights of the Butcher’s presentation is the dialogue with the lady who asked for salad (1:17-1:31). I’m not an expert on comedic timing, but I like how he politely follows her request with “And what kind would you like?”, to prompt her to say “What kind do you have?”, only to deliver that brief, explosive “NONE!”.
Look at his face. He was trying to lead the conversation to that point all along. Whoever was acting his voice was having a blast.
(1:31-2:02) L I S T E N T O M E N O W
Ok we get to the Butcher’s proper musical number, which give us a taste (HAH) of what to expect from Twisted Tales:
Things appearing where they don’t belong (like the beefed-up steer (HAAH) inside the banana)
Objects coming to life (I know, it’s weird to classify meat as an “object”)
And a tinge of the disturbing (animals being turned into pies/sausages yet still singing, a roast pork being fed to a family of pigs)
- 2:02-2:17 Somehow, the Butcher has run out of supplies. I like how the guy spends 5 good seconds pondering until he reaches the conclusion he has to get more meat. The cricket providing the sounds to signal an “empty” room is a nice touch, and so is the Butcher noticing it, picking it up and just chucking it aside like “naah that won’t do”
- 2:18- 2:28 And here he is, the star of the show! I love Felix as a street artist here, and how everyone runs away when he removes the top of his head as a hat to ask for tips. Yes, it could be interpreted as nobody wanting to pony up some pennies for the poor cat, but I really prefer the “body horror” route better (we’ll see a more extreme case of this in a later episode). This, coupled with Felix’s main issue (”Man, am I hungry”), portrays him as someone who tends to get the shorter stick in life, which makes him especially sympathetic to the audience and especially vulnerable to the villain.
- 2:28-3:04 These next scenes are brief, and the purpose of that is to take us to the kicker of the episode: Felix meets Butcher, Butcher lures Felix inside his restaurant/slaughterhouse with the promise of free food.
Seems that the Butcher is making things up as he continues with his plan, at least as I see it when he says “I’ve... got something for you!”. Observe how he looks up, thinking, and then, when he comes up with the rest of the sentence, his face stretches up in a smile and rolls his eyes, denoting his weirdo mannerism. It’s the small details like these what makes this character so fun to watch. And Felix’s enthusiastic “Oh boy!” while the Butcher prepares a cleaver behind his back!
We get some more old school cartoon weirdness with the Butcher sniffing Felix with his elongated eyes, what I assume is a string of meat-related puns (I’m sorry, my hearing is not that good) and some more subtle silliness, such as the Butcher giving Felix the menu in the shape of a playing card.
I really like the Butcher’s joyous glee he takes in murdering innocent animals. You know, the kind of stuff you could really enjoy in fiction. Or maybe it’s just me and my love for cackling, over-the-top maniacs.
-3:04-3:29 So this is the situation: our MC is about to be slaughtered alive by a sentient meat grinder (which by the way it’s a pretty good reflection of our villain’s cruelty). It’s interesting to put Felix in such a helpless situation right at the start of the series, but it’s pretty much done for the purpose to give way to the real meat (HAAAH) of this episode. Felix’s scream for help takes over the whole screen and reaches heaven...
- 3:29-3:46 ...and a guardian angel apprentice is tasked to help him. I’d like to point out the queue of taller, more muscular, arguably more handsome angels: they are there to contrast with and underline the goofiness of the one Felix gets assigned to (complete with buttwings and straight up falling from heaven hollering). It’s nice to also get a motivation for him (”If I do good, I can get rid of these... training wings”)
We’re mostly focusing on scenes and how they work in these reviews, but I’d like to point out the background for heaven. I like sunset-like gradients that much.
- 3:47-4:16 The eponymous Guardian Idiot presents himself to Felix (not before getting a reminder of the trouble the cat is facing) and tells him he can take him anywhere he wants. This is where you realize the whole Butcher plot’s purpose is to take Felix to wacky places and have mini-adventures in them. Here is also where we can see better that Felix’s guardian angel might be... somewhat incompetent, with his ”Uh-oh, I’m thinking, but I’m not hearing anything!!” bit and him checking on a tourist guide, taking his sweet time while Felix inches closer to the meat grinder. But he finally does his magic and...
- 4:16-5:21 The reveal of Felix being underwater is done like the following: First, Felix takes some time to chill on a hammock and lazily gaze at a fish swimming above him... then he realizes something’s fishy (HAAAAH) and then it zooms out to reveal that he’s on a sunken ship! And he’s not alone: there’s a crew of skeleton pirates who also want to make mincemeat (HAAAAAH) out of him! Look at that wild take Felix does (4:31), that’s another tinge of the disturbing I like so much.
We also get the first instance of Felix using his tail as a tool or a weapon, in this case a sabre to fend himself off the pirates. We get some more lovely cartoon shenanigans as Felix finishes his confrontation with the skelepirates (like the bone unicycle and the gossipy ship figures), but it abruptly ends when Felix gets trapped inside a clam and asks for help again. This, in turn, makes his guardian angel appear again. Felix is not happy at all with his wish and asks him to put him “on dry land”
- 5:21-6:35 “...It sure is dry”. The water joke falls a bit flat to me, and I don’t quite get what’s going on with the snowing log cabin (is it a reference? or just for the sake of randomness?).
And because you can’t be a Toon and not be in the desert without seeing some mirages, here we have Felix suffering from double vision and dancing cacti. I really like the gag of his pupils multiplying because he’s seeing double, as well as the “deserty” version of the can-can.
(5:58-6:19) Is our boy Felix learning from a certain someone or what
Again, Felix gets in another life threatening situation and happens to stumble across his angel again, who is building a sandcastle in the desert. I really like it when Toons engage into casual activities in life-threatening environments. Felix requests to be put somewhere else (not before getting a shot of the vultures chasing him) and...
- 6:35-6:58 We get a short string of sequences of Felix being put in increasingly ludicrous scenarios (seriously, what’s going on with the cult and the clown chase). Fed up, Felix asks the angel to put him back where he was, even if he’s supposed to save him. Reluctantly, the eponymous Guardian Idiot does so, and comes to watch Felix’s fate
- 6:58-7:35 Back to the slaughter house, the guardian angel mourns Felix beforehand, feeling bad that his incompetence did not help him at all. We get a shot of Felix on the edge of death and then the Butcher enters the scene, eager to get some fresh meat for the restaurant. I really like how he notices the “fairy” weeping and straight up goes like “GRANT ME A WISH”. He’s so unfazed, like screw it, awe is for weenies. And yes, the angel is so heartbroken he’s willing to serve the bad guy, but then...
Well, it goes as well as you expect with a wish such as “make me that fattest, greasiest sausage in the world””. Was it incompetence or that the Angel finally realized this is his chance to save Felix? You decide.
- 7:35-7:55 So we get a happy ending with Felix congratulating his guardian angel (”What do you know? You’ve saved me, after all!”) and we even get to see him getting his new wings (airplane wings because of course we gotta crank up the silliness whenever possible). And just in case the villain being turned into a sausage wasn’t disturbing enough for you, as the iris closes out on Felix, he pulls out a burger that might or might not be made out of the Butcher...
And that’s it for now! I’m glad I started this review because it made me notice things I haven’t noticed about my favourite series before, what makes it what it is, and what makes me love it so much. I think the two next episodes follow the same formula, so we’ll check on them sometime. Stay tooned!
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End of Year Fic Meme
Better late than never, right? Keeping Parasite Knight posting on a daily basis was kind of exhausting so I didn’t have a chance to fill this out at the start of the year. Now I have time!
Thanks @maychorian for tagging me, sorry it took so long to get to it.
Stats:
List of Fics Posted:
Identity Crisis (38,460 words) (Young Justice, multi-chapter adventure team fic, complete)
Routine Maintenance (50,777 words) (Voltron, multi-chapter, Shiro-centric with team features, complete)
The Nature of Leadership (10,837 words) (Voltron, one-shot, Shiro-centric)
Road Trip to End Times (12,649 words) (Voltron, multi-chapter, AU, paladin-centric, still ongoing)
Bonus:
Parasite Knight (86,840 words) (Voltron, multi-chapter, Shiro-centric, complete) (was 100% written in 2016 but not posted until 2017)
Plus an assorted 5,636 words of notes for future stories
Total number: 4 (5 with Parasite Knight)
Total Word count:
112,723 published in 2016
199,563 including Parasite Knight
Ship/Character Breakdown:
No actual ships. All gen.
Character focus: Robin/Dick Grayson 1, Shiro 2 (3 with Parasite Knight).
But, RM, PK and Road Trip all have character focus on the whole Voltron team, so…not sure how to count that.
Do I favor Shiro? Yes, maybe a little bit, ahahaha.
Specifics:
Best/worst title?
Best title: I’m really partial to Routine Maintenance, even if the name doesn’t fit all the chapters particularly well. I also really like Parasite Knight because I struggled to come up with a title for that one, and that popped into my head. It was both fitting on multiple levels and it rhymed. ALSO it meant I got to call my writing file “Parasite Write” and I’m not gonna lie that really entertained me for stupid reasons.
Worst title: Road Trip to End Times. Titles are super hard for me to come up with and I was kind of in a rush to get the first of the prompts I’d written posted, so I just kinda took whatever first came to mind and slapped it in there.
Best/worst first line?
Best: “Shiro can’t put this off any longer.” ~The Nature of Leadership
I kinda like that it immediately leaves you wondering, ‘wait, WHAT can’t he put off any longer?’ It’s a hook that means you gotta keep reading.
Worst: “It’s a miserable, exhausted, sweaty, mud-coated team of paladins that Shiro leads back to the Castle of Lions, after three days of trekking through the swamp-infested lands of the planet Ssagessh.” ~Routine Maintenance
This was my debut fic so I was still getting a feel for the fandom. I knew I had ideas that people would probably like, but I was a little worried that the first chapter I had chosen to start off with might not attract a lot of attention. It’s not a terrible opening but it had a kind of weak beginning.
Best/worst last line?
Best: “And, for the first time in a very long time, he feels surprisingly at peace.” ~Routine Maintenance
Kind of funny that it gets the best last line but the worst first line. I really liked how the entire fic I was exploring Shiro’s difficulties and how frustrated he just was with his arm, and then finally I gave him a little peace at the end. It worked really well into the overall theme and I was really happy with the way this wrapped everything up, even if it was all individual scenarios and not one full fic.
Worst: “He had a scientist to meet tonight, and it was an appointment he just couldn’t miss.” ~Identity Crisis
I don’t really HATE this line per se, but it does require the context of the rest of the story to really make sense. Also, the entire last scene is completely unrelated to the main characters who had been the focus for the rest of the fic. I did it on purpose to replicate the way Young Justice episodes typically ended, but it also meant the character closure finished early, so this end didn’t have as much ZING as it probably could have.
General questions:
Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?
Honestly I hadn’t expected to write much of anything this year. I did Identity Crisis right at the beginning for a fanfic contest a friend of mine was throwing, but after that I just hadn’t gotten much of a creative spark out of anything. Most of the fandoms I’d been in were pretty dead or getting there. Or, in the case of Batman, alive but not something I really felt like writing for. I am genuinely shocked that I managed to kick out 161,103 words in the span of 3 months. That’s insane.
What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?
Voltron. Hands down. I watched Voltron on a whim when I needed something to motivate me through a massive art project. I used it just to give myself a goal after reaching a specific workload, since I’d run out of fic in my fandoms to use instead. I was not expecting it to be all that impressive, I just needed something to fill my breaktimes with. How impressive could a show based on a silly 80’s cartoon about combining five robot space cats into a giant robot guy be? I was not expecting to fall in love with it.
After that I loved the show, and checked out the fandom. Again, this is often a killer for me as a fandom might not produce the stuff I’m interested in, or the writers just aren’t very good. Happily for me I stumbled across @maychorian ‘s Boom Crash almost immediately upon searching in the fandom and was like ‘shit, people in this fandom can WRITE’ and decided to stick around and lurk a little more.
Honestly I only ever intended to lurk. I never intended to write for it. But then something just…happened and I thought of some ideas that eventually turned into Routine Maintenance, and then people really liked it and I felt like writing more, and…well. Here I am.
What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.
I am really really REALLY fond of Parasite Knight and I was long before it was posted, so I’m gonna count it here, since it had 0 feedback/kudos/comments/reviews/etc in 2016. It was difficult to write in some cases, partly because it’s so intense a lot and that’s hard to keep up sometimes, and partly because it got WAY longer than it was ever intended to be. Originally it was conceived as a (fairly large) oneshot, but I kept coming up with more and more ideas and details that I liked too much to get rid of, and then it turned into an 86K monstrosity. Also this one was a little therapeutic in some areas (particularly at the end), since it dug into some less than comfortable areas of my own head-space. It was a bit uncomfortable to write some of the later chapters at first, but once they were finished I felt a lot better for it. So yeah. PK is kind of special to me.
Okay, NOW your most popular story.
It’s a little hard to judge but I think this one is Routine Maintenance. It definitely has the most kudos, and has the highest comments-to-chapter ratio.
Story most underappreciated by the universe?
Road Trip to End Times has comparatively little focus compared to the rest of my stuff. I don’t really find it surprising though since it’s a zombie AU and that’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
Story that could have been better?
Honestly I was pretty satisfied with everything I wrote this year. Some parts of some stories could have been tweaked a little but I didn’t think any one fic had an overall major failing.
Sexiest story?
lol sexiness in my stories that’s a good joke
Saddest story?
Nature of Leadership does pull at the heartstrings a little. Parasite Knight is also pretty agonizing through a lot of parts.
Most fun?
Routine Maintenance! It was really relaxing to just do individual pieces without having to sew a whole plot together. There was definitely a theme through the whole fic, but it was really nice to not have to worry about plot-holes and things. I was able to just write and I kicked out like a chapter a day because it was all self-contained. Plus I got to play with all kinds of different scenarios. It was fun.
Story with single sweetest moment?
There was some H/C in Parasite Knight that I really enjoyed writing, but I’m not sure if it’s sweet exactly since Shiro was still suffering (or only partly aware) through a lot of it. I guess if I had to pick something sweeter, either Ghost or Weight from Routine Maintenance. Both center around Shiro getting relief from his prosthetic-induced pain and he’s so genuinely shocked about it but so grateful.
Hardest story to write?
Parasite Knight. As stated above, it was hella long, it really got away from me, and there were some gritty parts that were difficult to write for personal reasons. Don’t regret it for a second though.
Easiest/most fun story to write?
Routine Maintenance. See above.
Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?
Parasite Knight helped me get into all of the paladins’ heads better since I had to write out their core traits in quintessence form. That was an interesting character study that made me really pull apart what their defining traits were, versus their extraneous traits (ex. Hunk’s reliability/kindness being a core trait, while his goofiness or love of food are extra traits that are a part of him but don’t define his soul). It was a challenge but fun.
Most overdue story?
None, really. I don’t post anything until it’s fully written, so nothing can really be overdue since half the time nobody knows it’s due.
Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?
Kinda! Half writing risk, half social risk. After Routine Maintenance finished posting I hadn’t really intended to write more, but then @bosstoaster commented on it. I was at work when I got the notification and had to literally leave my desk to keep from screaming in delight around all my coworkers, haha. Since I was a veritable Voltron n00b to the fandom I was blown away that one of the gen bigshots even noticed me. But I knew BT also did prompts, and I was like, “Okay, but I know BT also enjoyed my writing, so…maybe I could propose a fic trade?”
So I offered to do a fic trade with BT, because I kinda also wanted to write more but didn’t have any ideas at the time, and also wanted to try prompts, which I needed more practice on. I think it turned out really well in the end and The Nature of Leadership was written. It was also a challenge for me because I had to take a prompt I hadn’t decided on and make it work, but I like that it made me think outside the box a little.
What are your fic writing goals for next year?
Let’s see…
Just keep writing. Focus more on steady writing and not burst writing.
Try not to get hung up on details as much. I know this is a thing I’m most known for, but it’s also responsible for slowing me down or killing ideas/writing momentum completely, because I have to come up with a reason for everything even if it’s never shown. Have to learn to just loosen up and write sometimes, I don’t have to justify every detail.
Maybe try more prompts? Might help with the above goal.
Try to write shorter stuff. (HAH. Operative word here being ‘try’)
That was fun! Eeeeven if it was me basically talking about the same 4 fics over and over again lol.
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G1 Episode 31: Transcript
Episode
Show Notes
[This can also be found on AO3!]
[Stinger]
S: Well, I mean, apparently you can have celebrities as your Patronus.
[Intro Music]
O: Hello, and welcome to the Afterspark Podcast. An episode by episode recap of the Generation 1 Transformers cartoon. I’m Owls!
S: And I'm Specs!
O: Today we're going to be talking about episode number 30 [Correction, episode 31]: Megatron's Master Plan, Part One. Let's talk about giant robots today, shall we?
S: Sure.
O: Today, we open in Central City, where the mayor is opening a solar energy facility.
S: They really didn't get up enough hype for this thing, cuz like, the building is huge and there's only, you know, maybe 30 people at the grand opening.
O: You know, this was before the days of social media. How do you get people to go to something like that? [laughs]
S: Flyers?
O: Newspaper ads?
S: Yeah… I don't know, maybe this was just an internal thing. [Whispering] Giving a speech.
O: Yeah, I mean, like, they did normally do that but still it's really funny- it's just, like, so few people in, like, this giant area.
S: Mm-hmm but the Seekers decide to disrupt this little event. And then, elsewhere, we see an obviously evil businessman happy that the Seekers have taken the bait.
O: Oh god! He literally is committing freakin’ insurance fraud.
S: He's also participating in some good old-fashioned political sabotage against the mayor, just like grandpappy used to do. Oh hi~ Thrust, Ramjet, Dirge and Starscream- three of whom I don't think have ever actually been named before- or, no, they have-
O: I think- they’ve shown u,p because we made numerous jokes about the Thrust’s inappropriate placements in a few episodes.
S: That’s true.
O: So, I know they popped up, like how many times if their names been said? I don't really know. I- they also can apparently summon Energon cubes, like, empty ones from out of thin air during this, too.
S: This is a revelation.
O: [Laughter]
S: They land and try to steal energy from the facility but they are attacked by hidden tanks instead.
O: The mayor intuits that this is Mr. Evil Business Man's plan all along and grabs a microphone from a random reporter and yells, “Get me the Autobots!” into it.
S: Ah, so this is a honey pot for Decepticons, then?
O: I mean, that’s kind of what it looks like.
S: Starscream shoots one of the tanks but his Null Ray and after, you know, like a five-second delay- all three of the line of tanks that it's a part of blows-up.
O: We see the humans hiding behind several vehicles, except for a lone cameraman who's taping everything.
S: That man is braver than any US Marine.
O: [Laughter]
S: The Autobots show up extremely quickly.
O: We had thought they were, perhaps, in the Midwest or something here but how quickly they arrived, is this facility actually in Oregon?
S: No, no they’re always road-tripping. They're always nearby should Decepticon[s] strike. You know, except for that one time they had to drive across the country to DC when they drove like 200 miles per hour with Prowl in the lead.
O: So who all have we got today?
S: Uh, Optimus, Smokescreen, Ironhide, Tracks, Bumblebee, and Warpath. Oh, and Spike, you know. He's tagging along, too.
O: Of course, the Seekers go to escape but Tracks pursues.
S: Because, guess what, kids? Tracks is a flying Corvette Stingray! He is somehow not aerodynamic in the slightest but he is still doing that thing.
O: Tracks can also, apparently, shoot a blinding beam.
S: Or a localized ray of darkness around someone? I don’t know the hell- I don't know how the hell it's supposed to work.
O: And then Ramjet rams Tracks out of the air.
S: Oh and Tracks does a nifty little somersault as he lands so he ends up stylishly on his butt.
O: [Laughter] As you do. The rest of the Autobots all start shooting at Starscream, who's still on the ground for some reason.
S: Starscream rather piteously whines for help from Thrust as he collapses to the ground. I mean, none of this makes any sense.
O: Not really. Thrust then knocks down most of the Autobots with missiles, except Smokescreen, who shoots him with his shoulder laser.
S: Starscream orders a retreat and Optimus continues to shoot them as they fly off.
O: Well, that seems morally questionable.
S: The Autobots can have a moral ambiguity. You know, as a treat.
O: A little?
B: [Laughter]
S: Bumblebee says, “We sure showed them, Spike!”
O: Bee, did you- did you even do anything during that entire fight?
S: Well, he certainly didn't show up but maybe they were on crowd control? Bee is a very good public relations guy for the Autobots.
O: [Sighs] I suppose somebody has to be. The mayor thanks them and says he wants to honor all of them at City Hall.
S: Businessman McEvil is quite angry because he wanted to be the hero and chase off the Decepticons with the tanks.
O: He orders his bodyguards out of his office so he can think! Then he picks up an oddly familiar tape.
S: Which wasn't there in earlier scenes.
O: Oh, hi, Laserbeak. He cowers and then calls for his guards but Laserbeak picks him up, shoots the window, and flies off carrying him.
S: One of Laserbeak chores for today was some light kidnapping.
O: Yep! So he flies the businessman to a cliff overlooking the city and then he drops him on his ass, extremely unceremoniously, where Megatron was apparently waiting this entire time and says, “Greetings, Mr. Berger.”
S: Because that is- that's this dude’s name, guys, so-
O: Yep, prepare yourself!
S: Yep. Megatron and Soundwave definitely knew this guy had set up a trap before they sent the Seekers out to the solar facility.
O: This just in: A tiny human man threatens a forty feet [foot] megalomaniac by saying, “I'm a big man in these parts.”
S: While scooting away on his butt.
O: Why are there so many butts? Did Tina write this episode? [Laughter] Megatron decides to take the gas-lighting route, insinuating the Autobots are evil ones, “Ah! The power of public relations!”
S: And Megatron’s just like, “Oh, yeah, we got to get us some of that,” and then he proceeds to pick the most sleazy human available because-
O: [Laughter]
S: Great for manipulation.
O: Yes, but, um, doesn’t really do much for their public image to other people, I suppose.
S: Oh, it doesn't, but the guy's got the money.
O: True, and then, uh, the Hamburglar asks- [Laughter]
S: [Laughter]
O: The Hamburglar asks, “What's in it for him if he helps prove that the Autobots are evil,” and Megatron says, “All that you survey!”
S: You can have everything that the light touches.
O: Burgerman says that Megatron has to prove the Autobots are evil and then he'll help.
S: Megatron order Dirge to, “Return their ‘friend’ home.”
O: Megs even bends down and cups his hands to pick Berger up.
S: Megatron is using all of the charisma for this right now and he rolled real good. Either that, or Berger’s perception is complete shit.
O: Oh, but the most questionably hilarious thing about all of this is that Berger just sort of lays back and brings his leg up- legs up in Megatron's hands.
S: Like, he greatly resembles a hamster during this. He's just like, uh-huh, perfect place to relax is in a giant Warlord's hands.
O: That sounds like a very specific kink!
S: Uh-huh.
O: [Laughter] And then after Dirge and McBurger leave, Megatron starts laughing at how gullible this dude was, because he ain't getting diddly.
S: Megatron's just like, “Oh yeah, I'm the best liar.”
O: Yeah, that sounds about right. [Laughter]
S: And sometime later, Berger is in a helicopter over an oil field when Optimus, Sunstreaker, Ironhide, and Wheeljack show up and uh, start stealing energy. Berger records this.
O: For real though, Peter Cullen doing an evil laugh gives me life and it’s great, but they start doing this with Energon cubes, which is something we never ever, ever, ever see the Autobots use. They're always used by the Cons.
S: I think the only energy source that we see the uh, Autobots using are, like, Energon conduits- like they're these things that Bee and Wheeljack are collecting in the first episodes and then those silly beds from a few episodes back.
O: The only two beds inside the entire Ark.
S: All got to squeeze in, got to take turns-
O: Mm-hm!
S: -in full view of literally everyone else.
O: Gotta buddy up!
S: So many questions. Optimus shoots at the helicopter before Megatron and some of the Seekers show up to save the humans.
O: That's one line that should never come out of Megatron's mouth, ever.
S: Things go pew pew and the Decepticons, ultimately, win and then Megatron contacts Berger and asks if he believes him now.
O: Which, you know, wanting what Megatron is selling, he totally does.
S: [Sighs] Things are going so fast.
O: [Laughter] A lot happens in this episode to be honest.
S: Yup, back in Central City, we cut to a banner that reads: Autobot Day!
O: It's a parade! A parade of Autobots! All in car mode. That seems a lot less interesting than if they were in robot mode.
S: Yeah.
O: Then they all enter Ci- City Hall with no apparent problems.
S: Somehow. I mean, I- clearly they removed some walls but god- the structural- structural integrity of that building.
O: [Laughter] The mayor is in the middle of giving a speech when Mr. Burgermeister-Meisterburger threatens a tech to play the evil autobot footage he recorded or else lose his job.
S: And instead of playing footage from the solar plant where the Autobots save the humans, we get some Megatron propaganda, instead.
O: Did Soundwave edit this?
S: That, or Megatron took the editing into his own hands.
O: I would believe that, or he was looking over poor Soundwave shoulder, like, the entire time, being a backseat driver- or editor.
S: I just imagined Megatron being, like, video editing is my passion.
O: [Laughter]
S: Optimus says, “It's an obvious fake, they'll never believe it!”
O: Oh, Optimus, I think you forget how stupid humans are.
S: Ah, we then get some footage of evil Wheeljack blasting the Coneheads with a ray that makes them say, “We want to steal energy and destroy,” or something like that.
O: Yeah and, in the crowd, Spike’s just like, “This is bullshit!”
S: Yep, and the last clip shows the Autobots in the Ark scheming to take over the Earth.
O: I mean, props to the Decepticons for having built a believable copy of the Teletraan I room.
S: Possibly even a green screen. Uh, between Soundwave and the Cassettes, they could probably edit whatever they wanted- I mean, honestly, all they’d really need to do is get a recording of the Autobots talking in the Ark and then-
O: Dub over it?
S: Edit it.
O: [Laughter] Yeah, yeah, that is a really funny image.
S: I mean, they had that voice thing-
O: They do! They have many things to impersonate all like- at least Optimus, not to mention they probably do it for all the Autobots, oh yeah.
S: Yeah.
O: And Bee being our public relations manager is like, “Mayor! You can't actually believe this?”
S: The mayor is trying to be, you know, diplomatic in his verbal response while not so subtly waving over security like that's gonna do a fat lot of good with giant robots unless they feel like being, you know, agreeable.
O: [Laughter] Right?!
S: The Autobots go to return to the Ark as humans chuck fruits and vegetables at them and tell them to: “Go home!”
O: Well, it was quick! You guys were just having a parade.
S: I mean, yeah, and that seems like a waste of perfectly good produce and why do they even have it? Were they looking forward to throwing things? Were people on their way home from grocery shopping?
O: All of the people were on their way home from grocery shopping, and the mob begins calling Spike, Sparkplug, and Chip, Autobot lovers and it almost looks like they're gonna assault them before they get into Bumblebee and leave.
S: It's kind of horrifying, honestly and back at the Ark, uh, Sunstreaker rats- rants about humans being unreliable.
O: Spike is literally right there, man. [Laughter]
S: Yup.
O: And then, Mr. Hamba-guesa-con- oh, yeah, I can't say that, you're gonna have to say that part.
S: Mr. Hamburguesa Con Queso arrives and orders the Autobots to surrender. Um, this is a private citizen- this private citizen is just sending his army of tanks to threaten the aliens. Is that even legal? I have many questions. And when I say army, I mean this is, apparently, a literal personal army.
O: That's a lot of tanks.
S: It is, it is!
O: It’s a lot of tanks!
S: Optimus says they'll only surrender to a legitimate law enforcement officer.
O: Which makes total sense, but then the mayor is *also* in the helicopter and says that the Autobots are under arrest.
S: This is probably not legal because he’s- the mayor’s not a law enforcement officer.
O: He really shouldn’t have the jurisdiction to do this.
S: Optimus orders the Autobots to surrender without resistance.
O: And Berger tells them to follow his ”army.”
S: Yeah, he even calls it an army. Private militias don't appear to be legal in Oregon.
O: Millionaires don’t care about felonies, Specs.
S: We looked this up.
O: We did. You spent a good 10 minutes trying to figure out if private militias were legal in Oregon.
S: Maybe 15 minutes, it was-
O: Something like that. We say- we took the time to check if private militias were legal in Oregon.
S: God, we checked so many things.
O: We did! [Laughter]
S: We cut to a reporter interviewing different people about whether they think the Autobots are guilty or not.
O: Then, suddenly, we're in a random football field where the mayor, Burger-man and the Autobots are, before being joined by the Decepticons. There's also a zillion people in the arena seats.
S: I would also want to mention that this football stadium is like in the middle of a city-
O: Yes.
S: Too, it's so weird and why would you gather this many people to spectate on this trial of these allegedly dangerous robots? It seems like a bad plan. There are lots of potential hostages there, not to mention the rest of the goddamn city.
O: Right. But this is apparently a trial for the Autobots.
S: After what investigation? God, they haven't even been properly charged.
O: Oh, I know! I know.
S: Spike is, like, something seems fishy and just jumps down onto the turf from pretty high up. Um, Spike-
O: His legs are fine.
S: I have many questions. Like, why didn't you just go around? Why didn't you just go into the other- through the regular-
O: Cause then he goes into the arena after to, like, from the field.
S: Yes! And Soundwave, you know, to deal with uh, the sudden invasion of Spike sends out Ravage.
O: All while leaning up against this wall, super casually, and then Spike goes to what he- what is, presumably, the stadium's A/V room and watches Berger’s tapes again.
S: How did he get access to these? Why were they in there to begin with?
O: Magical bullshit of cartoons?
S: I have so many questions. Spike realizes that the Autobots in the video never transformed and then Optimus Prime takes his head off, revealing that it’s Starscream underneath.
O: Which doesn't even make sense because Starscream was one of the cons who showed up to fight the fake Autobots earlier in the video.
S: They're making use of, you know, animation errors. I don't know or maybe it was Thundercracker or Skywarp playing him again? Better question is how the shoulder bits fit in the Optimus Prime costume because those like scroll up after the head comes off?
O: Yeah, it’s very strange. But can we also talk about Starscream's uncannily perfect acting as Optimus here, because he has clearly had a lot of practice. Alone. Probably with Megatron. [Laughter]
S: Well, maybe the, uh, maybe the helmet has, uh, voice changing stuff in it because how do any of them so perfectly mimic-
O: I would still argue that they would like- their inflections and stuff wouldn't necessarily be changed but… yeah.
S: Ah, some role-playing experience, I guess. So Megatron's gotta perfect his lines for when he finally takes down Optimus Prime.
O: Uh-huh, sure. That's gotta be why Starscream’s got an Optimus Prime costume. Yeah. Definitely- definitely that.
S: I was gonna say: Sounds kinky.
O: [Laughter] We are hearing some very strange kinks in this episode, got it!
S: The Optimus Prime costume, the what? Two Optimus Prime replicas? There's so many.
O: There are so many.
S: Megatron has a problem.
O: [Laughter] Is that how we’re going to summarize it? I feel like, alternatively, I would like to present to you the argument: Megatron knows what he wants and is too much of an idiot to actually do it.
S: Yes, but that also qualifies as a problem.
O: [Laughter] I suppose that’s true.
S: Um, Wheeljack and Ratchet are apparently being played by the other two Seekers, so I guess that takes uh, them out of the running for playing Starscream.
O: Yeah, cause seriously? Then who the heck was Starscream?
S: I gonna just- yeah, maybe one of the other random Seekers they sometimes have- random colored ones sometimes?
O: But they haven't done that very much since, like, that pilot, though.
S: Well, not since they brought in, like, the other Coneheads and stuff.
O: Yeah, because they're usually the ones doing shit now when we need more birbs.
S: Maybe they just brought in someone from Cybertron because, presumably, they do have access to the Space Bridge still.
O: Yeah, we haven't seen that in a while, either! [Laughter]
S: Yeah. I don't know! There's lots of- lots of possibilities. Does this mean the Decepticons ship Ratchet and Wheeljack, too?
O: Maybe-
S: The fact that they're there-
O: Yeah. Together? Yeah, they better.
S: As soon as Spike realizes all of this Ravage catches up with him.
O: Outside, they're ready to pass judgment!
S: It's been five minutes and the trial is over and, like, there has been zero research or arguing of cases? God.
O: To add to this, I uh, just had a co-worker who got called in for jury duty and that took two to three weeks. This is not a trial, this is a farce.
S: It is. It is!
O: [Laughter]
S: Chip tries to stop the Judge by saying that Spike was coming back but- no, no, they don't want to wait for children.
O: Yeah, and it's sad that a fucking teenager’s better at research than these adult men!
S: [Sigh]
O: The Autobots are then found guilty and banished from Earth. Forever!
S: This appears to be an entirely local operation, with a County Judge finding the Autobots guilty and then ejecting them from the planet. No one is called in on a national or, you know, even state level during these proceedings. Like, this would be a major political event and they do not appear to consider any of this. We establish early on that the Autobots have relationships with other countries.
O: That's not even getting into if the Ark and surrounding land are effectively Cybertronian land or like, what constitutes the Cybertronian Embassy, for lack of a better comparison. Berger’s tank incident could even, possibly, be considered an invasion or an act of aggression towards a foreign power but, yeah, I think it's safe to say a lot of people would be pissed about this.
S: Yeah, especially considering the Cold War was still going on and this might be considered, you know, alienating of your allies.
O: Or something.
S: Especially once it's revealed that, yeah, no, this was an-
O: [quietly] A county judge!
S: -entire December operation. I would, you know, love to see this rewritten in a way that actually takes the political implications of this into account and addresses these situations seriously and how it would, you know, actually be handled. That would be neat.
O: It would be. That being said this was still pretty damn funny.
S: Yeah.
O: And the Autobots, you know, being law-abiding robots- do comply, and get ready to leave.
S: And now we cut to this giant freaking ship, ready to take off. Which? Where did it- where did it come from? Where did this ship come from? Who built it? Who designed it? Did the taxpayers pay for this, or did the Decepticons pull it out of their collective asses, or is somehow Berger-man, the Burgermeister? It’s possible-
O: I mean, it says- it says it was supplied by Mr. Berger.
S: I guess. God, how rich is this asshole?
O: [Laughter]
S: My god, I mean, he's just Edison, apparently? Because he is an asshole and he would totally electrocute an elephant to get his way.
O: [Laughter] [Singing] Electric love~!
S: [Groans]
O: Sorry, it’s a Bob’s Burgers reference. Sparkplug asks if there's anything Optimus can do here, basically.
S: And then Optimus, you know, Optimus says no because any action they take would be an admission of their guilt. Oh god, Optimus, you're thinking the same way [Marvel] comic Optimus did involving that video game.
O: Yeah. He thanks Chip and Sparkplug for their friendship and all the Autobots board the spaceship.
S: Chip and Sparkplug wonder where Spike is, as he's been missing for hours, apparently.
O: And Berger insinuates that if they had an election today then he'd be Mayor.
S: Petty, small-town politics.
O: Well, probably medium to large town politics given the solar energy plant but yeah...
S: Yeah. The ship takes off and Chip cries a single manly tear.
O: At the Ark, Berger and Megatron are now in the Teletraan I room and Berger wants his three cities now, dammit!
S: He sold his city and, like, the Autobots out for three cities.
O: He sold the planet out for cee- three cities, let's be honest here.
S: That's accurate, yeah. Megatron, like, twists his Fusion Cannon like it's some sort of, um, telescope?
O: Yeah.
S: Or something? And then he shoots Teletraan I’s screen, which deletes text off the screen?
O: And then he hits one button and changes the Autobots’ flight path from Cybertron to the Sun.
S: Somehow the Autobot ship, despite being from the Burgermeister, was being controlled by the Ark’s computer. I don't understand this. At all.
O: And we see the Autobot ship heading towards the Sun.
S: Okay, their ship has to be a Decepticon ship. I mean everything is purple. We don't even see all the Autobots in there. Where is everyone else? Were they out of the country? Were they in the Bahamas?
O: Considering all this happened in, like, under 48 hours, I think it's very possible a bunch of Autobots were not at the base. And- and that's it! That's the end of the episode. Oh no, buy the toys, kids, because the Autobots are hurtling into the Sun! Join us next time for Megatron's Master Plan, Part Two. The Autobots take an unplanned scenic trip to the Sun, the Decepticons get their own parade, and Megatron holds a press conference.
S: There may also be prom.
O: [Laughter] Or something a lot like it. And... we have some fanfics for today, one from me and one from Specs.
S: Our first recommendation is Our Darkest Hour by Taipan Kiryu. It's G1 cartoon continuity, it's rated T, it's Gen. There aren't any pairings and characters are Megatron, Optimus, and the rest of the G1 cast and in summary: “When an unprecedented event causes a radical alteration in the programming of every Transformer, the Autobots turn against everything they held sacred whilst the Decepticons stand as the only hope left for Humanity.” And uh, our theme for that is it's a morality switcheroo. And uh, type, it's a multi chapter and it was incomplete and I think the last time it was updated was December 2013.
O: I really wannna to read this one, it sounds good. [Laughter] It's, like, right up my alley.
S: Yeah.
O: Speaking of my alley, um, my recommendation is: Little Dude Not Lost by Merfilly. It is Shattered Glass, it is G1, it’s Gen. There are no pairings. Our characters are Shattered Glass Soundwave and Megatron, and in summary: “Megatron goes to check on Soundwave in the aftermath of a bad mission for Rumble.” It is a one-shot and the- it's kind of the same theme as the previous one, where you've got Decepticon good guys and Autobot bad guys, but it’s Shattered Glass, baby.
S: And that just about wraps it up for us today. Remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned. You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at AftersparkPod (all one word), and various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast, such as AO3, iTunes, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, and Youtube, just to name a few. And feel free to send us questions on Tumblr or YouTube. Till next time, I’m Specs.
O: And I’m Owls!
S: Toodles!
[Outro Music]
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