#like damn i am my own incorrect quotes generator

[mybeypage]

For entertainment purposes, I sometimes play around with an incorrect quote generator. To make it fun, the characters + quote have to be completely random / I can't shuffle names, and they have to make me laugh.

Here are some of my favorites. Hope they bring you a laugh.

--

Kai: Sometimes I like to call people by the wrong name to show them I don’t care about them. Ray: That’s brilliant. Kai: Thank you, Kenny.

--

Max: I dare you- Kenny: Kai is not allowed to accept dares anymore. Max: Why not? Kai: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.

--

Kai: Ok so, apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling are actually severe psychological distress.

--

Max: What's worse than a heartbreak? Ray: Stepping on a cat's tail and not being able to explain that you're sorry.

--

Kenny: Just be yourself. Say something nice. Kai: Which one? I can't do both.

--

Kenny: Emily noticed only today that they can label their email inboxes, but they took apart their entire bloody laptop two weeks ago. Ray: This reminds me of the Emily who couldn’t turn on the coffee maker, but remembers about 500 digits of pi. Kenny: I’ll be delighted to inform you that this is the very same Emily.

--

Kenny: That sounds like a terrible plan. Ian: Oh, we've had worse.

--

Emily: Just trust me. Have I ever put you in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation? Kenny: All the time. Emily: Then you should be used to it by now.

--

Emily, to the Squad: If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands! *silence* Emily: Damn, y’all depressed as fuck... Salima : You didn’t clap either- Emily: SHUT UP!

--

Ray, staring at Mariah in a cage: ...Why are they in a cage? Tyson: Because they growled at me.

--

Ian: You’re giving me a sticker? Julia: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!” Ian: I’m not a preschooler. Julia: Fine, I’ll take it back- Ian: I earned this, back off!

--

Bryan: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go. Max: Those are wanted posters!

--

Kai: Yesterday, I overheard Max saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Spencer replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

--

Julia: I’m not being weird. Am I being weird? Tala: Yes, and that’s coming from me.

--

Kai: I assume you realize that this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in this house. Ian: Is there any kind of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?

--

Mariam: The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it. Salima : Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side. Emily: YO SOCRATES! IT'S A FUCKING COOKIE!

--

Mariah: Here you go, Emily, a nice hot cup of coffee! Emily: It's cold. Mariah: A nice cup of coffee. Emily: It's horrible! Mariah: Cup of coffee. Emily: I'm not sure if this even IS coffee. Mariah: C U P.

--

Mariam: I don’t need to touch grass, I need the fall of capitalism.

--

Bryan: Would anyone know any good vendors for professional-quality brass knuckles? Ray: I know you’re serious, but you say the scariest shit sometimes.

--

Julia: Why would you give a knife to Kai?! Kenny, shrugging: Kai felt unsafe. Julia: Now I feel unsafe! Kenny: I’m sorry… Kenny: Would you like a knife?

--

Emily, to the squad: And remember, if I get harsh with you it is only because you’re doing it all wrong.

--

Julia: Bryan’s gonna kill me. Spencer: No, he'll probably make me do it.

--

Kai: That's it, you're grounded! Tala, no adventures for you! Mariam, no fighting for you! Ian, no stealing for you! And Bryan... oh my god, is there anything that you love? Bryan: Revenge. Kai: No vengeance for you. Bryan: I was going to say "I'll get you for this," but I guess that's off the table.

--

Max: You're violent. Ian: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.

#beyblade #incorrect quotes

[faggot-dot-jpg]

talk to me about ur ocs u seem silly (sory for showing up unannounced i opt to not control the urge to hear ppl ramble about their self-made lil guys)

WIDENS EYES SO SO BIG OMG

OKAY OKAY OKAY

SO I HAVE THESE TWO LITTLE GUYS

MILO AND AND JAX (no relation to tadc) (I will now stop yelling)

Milo is an angel and Jax is a demon (giggles)

they are both 20 yrs old, Milo is transmasc (he/him) and "straight" (he is actually so bisexual), Jax is gay (he/it)

(runs to my notes app) (lil warning, quite a bit of their story is Jax helping Milo through his fear of his own sexuality, so yea you can guess there gonna be certain themes)

Okay so Milo is like low-key famous up in heaven (he's the son of the king of heavens "manager" I forgor the word) (ITS ADVISOR, THE KINGS TOP ADVISOR TAHTS THE WORD OMG)

so he's constantly trying to keep his public image intact..

but that starts to get harder after he's sent on a mission to deliver a message to the king of hell

down there he sees the king's son (spoiler: it's Jax) and is like " Oh shoot oh no he's hot wth why do I like this guy I'm straight wait what"

OH YEA SILLY HEAVEN LORE DROP: Being queer is totally fine up there, Milo has been out and transitioned for years, but from a young age all angel's are taught that engaging in sexual activity or having sexual thoughts is a big no no

lore drop over, back to the other lore drop :3

so for the next month or so Milo is having progressively more risqué thoughts and even dreams (woagh that's crazy) and he's getting real stressed out because I LIED MORE HEAVEN LORE: when angels start losing their "purity", small parts of their body start changing to red, ie some of the hair, eyes, any markings. SO HES ALL STRESSED CAUSE HES STRUGGLING TO HIDE THE CHANGES :((

ANYWAYS- He gets sent on another mission to hell, this time to ask if preparations for Jax's coronation have started, and gets suckered into helping. The two start getting closer~..

ONTO JAX LORE!!!!!! YIPPEE

Jax is the Prince of Hell, and has been conditioned by its asshole of a father to eventually become king since he was very young. His father would often push Jax past its limits both physically and emotionally. When he couldn't deal with this, his father decided to start just straight up abusing him. (I wanna kill, him. YES I KNOW IM IN CONTROL BUT HES IMPORTANT TO THE STORY FOR NOW 😭)

Because his mother was an incubus (she's uh- out of the picture... also incubi and succubi can be any gender so fun fact!!!) it decides to deal with his issues by whoring around (he's so silly!! <- the poor guy needs severe therapy and to get away from his dad)

One day, an angel comes to deliver a message to his father (WOAGH I WONDER WHO THAT IS!?!??! 🧐🧐) and he becomes absolutely infatuated after seeing him once (bro is down bad frfr)

as it nears time for his coronation, the same angel comes to visit to help with preparations. once again, the two start getting closer~..

NOW GENERAL STORY STUFF!!!!! I cannot thank you enough for the chance to be so soso abnormal abt my silly little guys btw

Before they get closer, Milo is like "nuh uh being friends with a demon is wrong HECK NO" (he doesn't swear :3) but eventually they start talking, Jax opens up about his daddy issues (trauma is the first conversation topic as always with these DAMN QUEERS-) <- I AM A DAMN QUEER YALL

and Jax learns what life in heaven is like (and is absolutely horrified to learn that sexuality is frowned upon)

it now has a goal to help Milo understand that his teachings were incorrect

to directly quote my notes app: One night, Milo comes back to his guest room to see it destroyed.. (While they were working, one of Jax's old boy toys wrecked it in a fit of rage over Milo getting close to Jax) As they don't have any other rooms available, Jax offers to let Milo stay in his for now. Milo accepts, then panics once he learns that Jax only has one bed. Jax doesn't see an issue, and they sleep in the same bed with a little persuasion. (THAT SOUNDS WEIRD, I PROMISE JAX ISNT A CREEP OR NOTHIN)

uhhh umm the next part is kinda- uhmmmmmmm 😳 I don't think I'm gonna say it here

just know some of Milo's dreams come true :3c

SADLY I HAVENT WRITTEN THE STORY PAST THIS PART SO THATS IT FOR NOW :((

TY FOR ASKING

#oc: milo #oc: jax #asks #dollie🩷

[trainsinanime]

for the dvd commentary ask game: Willing to Help

i can submit a whole fic if it’s less than 500 words, right?

Sure, thank you for asking! For context, the story is Willing to Help, and this is the ask game.

Willing to Help is part of a small set of stories, scenes and incorrect quotes that I originally published right here on Tumblr, originally without a title. Over the years I’ve added them (I think all of them) to Ao3 so I and others can easily find them again long after they’ve been lost to the depths of the dashboard. The original is here; as you can see I added a bit more description.

As such, the story is deliberate simple, really just one basic thought and punchline, both part of the list of ML ideas I always find funny:

Adrien is so in love with Marinette even though he doesn’t fully realize it. He might not say he’s in love with her, but given half an excuse he’d marry her instantly. So let’s give him an excuse!

The reason why Marinette has to get married is a list of over the top silly and familiar tropes that don’t make any sense and don’t belong together, because that makes me laugh. It doesn’t actually matter, so this is a great opportunity to get silly with it. I’m always a big fan of implying parts of the story and letting the readers fill in their own imagination, especially for such short stories.

And of course it doesn’t matter at all, Adrien didn’t need any of the excuse, just hearing that she wanted to marry was enough to set him off. Because our sweet fool knows not that he’s in love with her, but he understands that he loves her.

The punchline is again from my bag of favorite tropes: Kagami also loves Marinette. I know not everybody likes that, I have received negative comments (well, one, to be precise) about how often I make either outright Marigami (or Adrigaminette) stories or tease them… but yeah, I’m not gonna stop, I have way too much fun with that.

What else? Alya is really just a sounding board to get the plot rolling. Sorry, I love her, she deserves better, but having Adrien overhear a discussion between Marinette and Alya is a really efficient way to get a Marinette-centric Adrinette plot to happen. They’re literally right behind him in the classroom, it’s bound to happen sooner or later.

The Ao3 version also makes an “Adrien comes out of nowhere” joke that the show loved to do.

My main issue with the story is the title. The Tumblr post didn’t have or need a title, and I don’t like the one I chose, because it’s too generic. I am having real trouble telling “Willing to help” and “How do you help a good friend?” apart (and the letter from “Let’s talk about that”), and I wrote the damn things! So that’s something I hope I can improve on for future stories. Attack of the Crystal Zombies may not be the best title ever or the best story ever, but at least I can remember which one it is.

Thank you for asking, writing this was fun!

#miraculous ladybug #I’ll send you a reciprocal ask later no time right now message me if I forget

[delusion-of-negation]

so the blog from this post blocked me from what I can see, sad

they have a myriad of other posts on the topic, some of which I found more points I wanted to refute, here's some notable ones

and here's a few particularly relevant/incorrect quotes in those

"Parents have total legal and environmental control over their children. The actions of a child are the parent’s responsibility."

"You can not create a situation where a child is totally dependent on a parent for help, and then blame the child when they need help that they’re not getting."

"You cannot be a parent and blame a mentally ill child that you are not helping for their mental illness and accuse that child of abusing you"

"If a child who is a minor is violent toward their parent it is the result of mental illness, abuse, or neglect– and it is the parent’s literal job to rectify any of these problems."

"If a child is mentally ill and violent whose responsibility is to to help them??"

"Get the fuck off our blog if you think there’s some reason besides abuse, neglect or mental illness that a child who is a minor would “abuse” their parents."

"There is simply no ethical way to frame any violent actions of a person against someone who has total control over them and their environment as ‘abuse’ no matter the circumstances."

so, have you found the issue? they think abuse = bad person, an action taken purely because you're evil, no sway from the world, including the victim, has made you do this. and they think that I essentially said "children can just be demons who want to harm because they're demons :)" when what I actually said was that a situation absolutely can arise when a minor child has power (for example, having drugged a parent, having a very immobile and severely disabled parent, etc) and a situation where a minor has beaten, raped, abused, etc doesn't mean that they didn't do the thing they did, just because the adult had power or was partially accountable in allowing the child to get to that point. that it was definitely rare, but these situations and outliers and weird cases beyond generic assumptions based on what we see on paper do happen. and the kicker is that I don't view "abuse" as being just synonymous with "entirely to blame", I think every abuser would ultimately not be doing it if you changed things, environment, a mental health issue, radicalisation, etc, they're all ultimately just made into abusers, they aren't wretched cursed souls. so when I explain that leaving an immobile parent in their own shit to go in your friend's van and smoke weed is neglect, I'm not saying that there's anything evil in the kid, I'm not saying the victim couldn't change the outcome, I'm not saying any of the words these little explosions from this blog put in their detractors' mouths, that's because I'm using abuse to mean fucking abuse. that's it. some nonsensical strings you've attached about deserving blame are genuinely not my job to account for. minors can be abusive, and blaming parents for failing to save the minor from themself isn't actually an invalidation of the fact that an abusive action and/or repeated pattern took place. I'm not talking about an autistic kid swinging their arms around, everyone has made it clear we only actually mean drugging and raping, murdering in cold blood, or situations of that level. anons (not me, I don't send asks on anon because personal reasons) have explained this to you. the idea a parent takes full responsibility if they're raped, because they got birthed into a system that limits the power of children is absurd.

[doobnnoob-tf2]

( pinned )

Daniel / Mundy / Aster

he/vamp/bat, gay-ace transman

28, ( 6 Oct. )

TF2-centric & headcanon blog

Ask the Mercs sideblog: @ask-the-tf2-mercs

CARRD

⛧ HEADCANONS ⛧ INCORRECT QUOTES ⛧ FICS ⛧

⛧ MY TAGS ⛧ MY ANONS ⛧

(for app users trying to view tag / anon links, use the links in my bio)

may update more in the future.  would prefer not to be reblogged.

( more under cut )

General

I have no preference on what you call me.  Mundy, Daniel, Dan, Danny - all are perfectly acceptable

I’m a freelance furry artist

my fursona is a cheetah with a hat too big for his damn head

my TF2 OC is a RED Sniper named Mike (his profile is incomplete but I’m too lazy to update it)

please don’t refer to me as girl/queen/babygirl/whatever.  I know people see “gay man” and think that stuff is okay, but I’m also a TRANSman and that stuff is not okay and very much is misgendering

I am open to RP tho only with people 18+ bc I’m an adult myself and it’s just more comfortable for me that way

TF2-Specific

I REALLY love Team Fortress 2, I’ve had a major hyperfixation for this game since it’s initial release, it’s a huge comfort thing for me

Sniper is my favorite, I love him, he’s my husband, but I also just wanna be him so SHRUGS

SniperSpy is my biggest ship, my OTP, if I’m gonna get gay and talk about two men being in love it’s gonna be about them 90% of the time

SniperSpy is the only one I’ll go absolutely feral over, but I also really love HeavyMedic and Engineer/Soldier/Demoman, I actually have very few ships I don’t like

Blog-Specific

I really would prefer people DON’T tag my headcanons with things like “me” or “kin” or “self ship”. it just kinda makes me uncomfortable to have people do that with my headcanons

I don’t answer asks pertaining to Merc x OC / Reader / generic S/O sorta stuff, I’ll consider doing ficlets with those topics however I’d prefer to be paid for those since there’s a lot more involved with making them

"//mundeez nuts" is my non-tf2/general tag

I am free to pick and choose what I want to answer.  sometimes I read something, and while I like the concept I just don’t think I’ll have the words to answer it so I’ll delete it.  this is to keep myself from getting overwhelmed trying to answer things I genuinely can’t, thus causing myself to stress out and be unable to answer other asks

I used to have a headcanon blog, so if some posts seem familiar it’s because I’ve resposted them here

I’m very dyslexic so don’t expect my text posts to be perfect

for personal reasons, I don’t do genderbent asks

I don’t really answer asks pertaining to kids, the reason being I don’t have much of an interest in them and therefore I’m just not the best person to ask

if you’re gonna reblog one of my headcanon posts to “correct” it, just make your own post.  it’s weird and rude and I certainly did not ask for your opinion, especially if someone was asking for MINE

chances are if I post anything focused on Sniper and Scout, it’s NOT a ship thing.  I would prefer people not tag it as shipping but I know people probably won’t see this / won’t care lol.  but if you see your reblog has been hidden from the post, know that that’s probably why

I don’t really want my blog/headcanons/asks/etc associated with TF2 Twitter.  they make me EXTREMELY uncomfortable with the way they treat transmen as fet/ishes

BYF

I personally cannot get into most 10th class / fem merc things, I won’t shit on people who do enjoy it.  it’s just I’ve had the concepts for both ruined for me and I can’t separate the bad feelings from them anymore.  there are VERY specific scenarios where I can find myself enjoying either

I don’t actually dislike SniperScout as a ship.  I just tend to veer away from it these days because the people who do ship those two are super fucking toxic towards others who ship Sniper with anyone else

also if you’re gonna send anon hate over me shipping SniperSpy, don’t waste your own time and instead do something productive with it.  I’m just gonna delete it anyway

I do not under any circumstances ship Spy and Scout, not even if you claim it’s “not canon”, not even if you use OCs (bc it feels too close to the “but it’s not canon” excuse)

if you’re a proshipper: you’re disgusting, and I do not and will NEVER like you.  stay the fuck away from me and my posts, they are not for people like you.

I block transphobes who f..eti..shize transmen by only portraying us as s/ubm/ssive b/ttoms and don’t see transmen any other way

in general, I block pretty freely.  I’m here to enjoy MY experience and I’m tired of putting others first when they hurt me or make me uncomfortable.  TF2 is a huge comfort thing for me and makes me happy and I’m not gonna let people ruin more aspects about it for me than already have been

#//mundeez nuts #last updated: 14 April 2024

[just-miru]

tulip, buttercup, and iris for any silly :DD

my both babygirls >:D

tulip - go to your f/o's wiki page and quote your favorite part of it.

William

(...) William's self absorbed personality, biting sarcasm, and his general lacking of the ability to give a shit about anything except himself doesn't exactly make him the most pleasant person to be around.

as well as-

William has many strange tendencies, such as eating almost exclusively white bread which he stores in bulk in his home, crashing into his garage every day after work, and allowing only Harry Pottha films to be screened inside the Afton household.

---

Dave

GENDER - Fella

as well as

Dave Miller is a sexy major character in BlueyCapsules. The most handsome worker hired at Freddy’s in 1986, he is destined for a greatness unknown to most. Finding the centre of his attention at this certain location of Freddy’s, he focused his talents and even his lip-bitingly good charms to the Freddy’s family. He’s here to make some good friends and to fulfill his greatest wish in life, to prove all the people who doubted him wrong.

as well as

Having a great sense of humour and especially great looks, Dave Miller dedicates every single fibre of his being to being the best guy you’ll ever meet. Definitely. Following the twelve-some labours of his tragic past due to the denial of his true calling and the subsequent abandonment by his parents, Dave Miller is a kind, sensitive, and understanding folk. His story is the kind you’d watch in a movie theatre.

as well as his whole wiki page, actually-

---

iris - does your self insert for your f/os source material have a detailed and complex story and character arc, or are they just kinda vibing?

my silly self is pretty much just vibing there :D

---

buttercup - an incorrect quote of you and your f/o.

if you think i am gonna give one single incorrect quote with me and my babygirls you are so damn wrong-

William: yeah, but i'm also short and that's adorable.

---

Miru: you're violent.

---

William: standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak, like "look at this focking flower. this flower is taller than i am. this flower is wining and i'm losing."

Miru: wow... you are not ready to hear about trees-

---

Miru: honk.

William: wot?

Dave: H O N K.

William: WOT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECES OF SHITE-

---

William: alrighte, listen up ya lil' shits-

William: not you, Miru. you're an angel and we're thrilled you're here.

---

William: i hate you both.

Miru: well, according to this picture me and Dave drew of us holding hands, that's simply untrue.

---

Miru: what are you eating?

William: you wouldn't like it. it's really salty.

Miru: well, i like you, don't i?

---

*William teaching Dave how to drive and taking Miru along for the ride*

William: that's a pothole. to the left!

Dave: take it back now y'all *drives into pothole*

Miru, sticking their face into the front over the center console: cha cha real smooth.

Dave: i don't think that's how the song goes.

William, crying and gripping the handle: please just take me home.

Dave: country roads.

Miru: to the place.

Dave and Miru in unison: i belong!

William, crying harder: wot the fock?

---

Dave, about William: he's covered in blood again. why is it he's always covered in blood?

Miru: well, it looks like it's his own blood this time.

---

William: oi! dumbass, get over here.

Miru: okay-

Dave: *gleefully runs past* i'm comin'!

Miru, sadly: i thought... i was dumbass...

---

William: WHO THE FOCK ATE MY BREAD?!

William: I'M GONNA FOCKING K-

Miru: ...i did?

William: kiss you and buy some more. you haven't been eating anything today Miru.

*walking away*

Miru: ...

Miru: he's gone.

Dave, coming out the closet with bread stuffed in his mouth: twankh uh!

---

ok, i think i am done-

#irummna answers #the lovable bastard <3

[shackld]

✏️ with bai yi and / or enfer ! 😫💓

Send in ✏️ and I’ll use this (improved) incorrect quote generator featuring both our muses!

Jokes on you, I'll do both.

Bai Yi

Bai Yi: Damn, Chief, are you secretly cool? Chief: Well, poker is just math, so I guess it depends on if you consider the mathematician, Carl Friedrich Gauss, cool. Bai Yi: I do not.

---------------------------

Bai Yi: I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Chief. Bai Yi: Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for. Bai Yi: But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it. Chief: Hmm... I don't know what you were supposed to get revenge for, either. Bai Yi: I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though. Chief: Well, whatever I did, I guess I deserved it. Bai Yi: Let that possibly be a lesson to you.

---------------------------

Bai Yi: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this. Chief: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!

---------------------------

Bai Yi: Are you alright with constructive criticism? I don't want to sound mean. Chief: No, go ahead. I want to hear it. Bai Yi: It sucks. Chief: That's not constructive criticism.

Enfer

Enfer, trying their first ever cup of coffee: I am ENERGY! Chief, an avid coffee drinker, on their twelfth cup of the day: Someone slap me awake or I am literally going to fall into a coma in ten seconds.

---------------------------

Chief, holding in their laughter: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it’s doing? Enfer: A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language. Chief: Chief: Water you doing?

---------------------------

Enfer, putting their hands over Chief's eyes: Guess who! Chief: It's either Enfer or the cold, clammy hands of death. Enfer, putting their hands away: It's Enfer! Chief: Dammit

---------------------------

Chief: Enfer... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor? Enfer: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned. Chief: Chief: I wrote sanitize, Enfer.

#litpyres #:DDDDD #;sir this is my emotional support cringefail gacha game protagonist. (ooc)

[madcatdaderpydrawer-blog]

More incorrect quotes, this time with the dynamic duo of Chris and Carl. I know I don't talk about my ocs much, and I'd appreciate if you gave them a chance even if you usually only follow me for my fnaf sun and moon stuff. Essentially Chris is a quiet, serious bookworm and Carl is an extroverted goofball, and they have a really fun friendship. Note that I LOVE asks, so if you have any questions about certain things, even if it is just general questions because you don't know their names or whatever, it means so much to me really. :)

Chris: Carl... Why did you draw a pentagram on the floor? Carl: Your text told me to satanize the house before you returned. Chris: Chris: I wrote sanitize, Carl.



Carl: Happy October 32nd! Second Halloween! Chris: That doesn't exist. Carl: Not with that attitude.



Carl: Assert your dominance over your friends by kicking them in the face, and then giving them a little smooch on the forehead!



Chris: So, she kissed me. Carl: And you kissed her back? Chris: No, I kissed her mouth.



Carl: "What are you into?" is such a broad question, like do I reply with a TV series or choking?



Chris: Damn, the power went out. Carl: Don’t worry, I got this. Carl: *stomps foot* Chris: What-? Carl: *Sketchers light up*



Chris: *walking around disappointed after visiting an aquarium* Carl: Chris, what did you think a tiger shark was?



Chris: Hey, aren’t you Carl? Carl: You a cop? Chris: No. Carl: Then yes, I am.

(basically how they met /hj)



*out grocery shopping* Carl: *takes a free sample twice* Carl: Robbery and Fraud. I am a Rebel.

Carl: Next time I'm at the pet store, I'm gonna take a hamster and drop it in the scorpion cage. I wanna see what a hamster's face looks like when it goes, "oh, fuck."

Chris: Did you like the food I made? Carl: No, not really. Chris: But I put my heart and soul into it! Carl: No wonder it tastes so cold and dead.

( “be happy your kitchen is still intact”)

Chris: Can you recommend a book that'll make me cry? Carl: General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition.

Chris: You know what I’ve realized? Carl: Some thoughts are better left unsaid? Chris: Nice try, anyways-

Chris: If I stay in bed I'll be warm. If I get in the shower, I'll also be warm. But the distance between the bed and shower? No. That is not warm.

Carl: Why are you like this?? Chris: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

(This is concerningly accurate lmao.)

Carl: I’m scared that when you become rich and famous you’ll be embarrassed by me. Chris: Oh Carl, I’m already embarrassed by you.

(Chris, the master comforter)

Chris: My only talent is being stress. Carl: Don't you mean stressed? Chris: No.

(Being a workaholic does that to ya)

Carl: Chris, I beg of you. Please, PLEASE go to the doctor. Chris: Hey, I'm sorry. Is this OUR stab wound?

(I love how I got this one both for Sun/Moon AND my ocs, and in both instances they fit perfectly on the first go. Every duo has that one person that never looks out for their own well being ig)

Chris: *seductively takes off glasses* Chris: Wow... Carl: *blushes* Haha... what? Chris: You're really fucking blurry.

(I don’t ship these two- though Carl is gay- but I thought the glasses thing was funny and fit Chris well as he... well can’t see shit without glasses)

Carl: Would you like something to drink? *They open the fridge* We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper- Chris: Spiders? Carl: Spiders it is then. Chris: No, that wasn’t- *But they were already pouring them a brimming glass of spiders…*

Carl: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case? Chris: wHat? Carl: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved. Chris: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?

(THE IRONY IN THIS- I  C A N ‘ T)

Carl: Watcha doin? Chris: Stealing my neighbour’s cat. Carl: Scandalous. Carl: Can I help?

*Carl sends more than 5 messages in a row* Chris: I ain’t reading all that. Chris: I’m happy for you tho. Chris: Or sorry that happened.

Chris: I will beat all of you in Rock, Paper, Scissors. You go first. Carl: Rock. Chris: Paper.

(This was promptly followed by a pause as Carl processes what just happened, while Chris grins like that one smug cat with knives pointed at them)

Chris: What's that? Carl: Chocolate. Chris: What's chocolate? Carl: Candy. Do they not have candy where you're from? Chris: Yeah. Grapes, nuts. Carl: No wonder you're so bitter.

Chris: So you're looking for information on this thing, huh? Well, I feel like it must be from far away. Carl: What makes you say that? Chris: If it's something even I don't know about, then I'm sure nobody else must have a clue. So it's gotta be from some faraway place. Impeccable reasoning, isn't it? Carl: Chris... You don't have a clue about this thing, do you? Chris: *screams in anger*

Carl: I'm going the fight the next person who insults Chris. Chris: I hate myself. Carl: Alright, square up.

(Carl may be a dork, and mildly an idiot, but he means well.)

Carl: I’m quick at math. Chris: Ok, what’s 38 times 76? Carl: 24. Chris: That wasn’t even close. Carl: But it was quick.

Carl: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you’re a coward. Chris: I’m worried about you.

Chris: Hello, my name is Failure, and you're watching my life crumble into pieces. Chris: *waves their finger and sings like they're in a Disney Channel intro*

(He’s very hard on himself :w:)

Carl: It'll be fun. Carl: We'll make a day of it. Carl: Come on you punk bitch. Chris: I can't believe I have to say this. Chris: I don't have time to get tested for sti's with you tomorrow.

(Chris is asexual which makes this even funnier tbh)

Chris: Do you even know what an amulet is? Carl: Of course I do! I eat amulets sometimes. I like the ones with cheese and onions! Chris: Carl, those are omelettes. Carl: Oh. Then I’ve got nothing.

Carl: Try not to roll your eyes at me. Chris: I don't have pupils.

(Fun fact: Old Candy doesn’t have visible pupils, yet everyone knows when he is rolling his eyes.)

Chris: I’m going to hell. Carl: Probably. Chris: I'll pick you up? Carl: *nodding* Carpool.

Chris: When I was your age- Carl, mocking Chris: When I was your height. Chris: Chris: Listen here you little shit-

(Chris is 28, Carl is 25. But he is a bit shorter then him, and he hates it XD)

Chris: No more making fun of me when I misuse dated cultural references, alright? Are we cowabunga on this? Carl, sighing: Fine. We're cowabunga.

(Chris is using a very outdated socializing dictionary okay??)

Carl: I won a new phone in a race. Chris: Huh? What kind of race lets you win a phone, Carl? Carl: A race between the store owner, the cop, and me.

Chris: Carl likes to say ‘you can be part of the problem or part of the solution,’ but I happen to believe you can be both.

Chris: *holds a gun out to Carl* Carl: I-I don't believe in guns. Chris: Well, trust me, they're very real. Now take it.

Chris: I like wearing oversized sweaters. Not just because they're extremely comfy and cuddly, but because whenever the sleeves are really big, I get to flop them around and smack people.

(What can I say? Chris is a wee bit feral)

Chris: Sometimes I wonder if I’m hearing voices. Chris: Then I remember that’s the last bit of sanity I have trying to get me to fall asleep at a reasonable time.

(Who needs sleep schedules?)

Chris: I can't imagine what Carl is planning. But I can tell you two things. We won't like it and it won't be legal.

Chris: I’m sad. Carl: Don’t be sad, because sad backwards is das. Carl: And das not good.

#fnaf fangame #five nights at candys #fnac #fnac 1 #fnac old candy #fnac candy #incorrect quotes #ocs

[stupidincorrectgreekhistory]

(A/N) I write a lot. If you want to filter only to my incorrect quotes, then you can always sort by that tag. I hope that if you do read my little snippets, they bring you joy (or sadness, I suppose. I'm not your mom). Also, I generally write in first person, but I'm trying out writing part of this story in third person.

The taste of rain on Adrian's tongue is like a balm to his sore throat, the feeling akin to the teas that his mother used to foist upon him when he was ill. The sting, then the relief... he can feel the moment that Anne and Sara come up behind him, and he sighs.

"I don't want you to see me like this. I told you." Sara hums in agreement, and he thinks that's it before she hefts him back from under his armpit, huffing and puffing as her skirt gets crumpled beneath them. The touch makes him flinch before relaxing and helping her sit up.

"Then you won't. I'm not a maid because I waltzed in and declared it to the castle, Adrian. You always forget that I can do things as well." A scandalised gasp comes from Anne, and they both ignore her. Sara cups his face, tipping his gaze upwards to meet hers. Gold meets brown, and he smiles sheepishly. She knows a lot more than she thinks she does. About him, and of the palace's laws, and the delegation.

Now, if only he could keep her from repeating this mistake over and over again.

"It isn't that I think you aren't. I know you're strong. Unfortunately, many men of greater strength await in great numbers, expecting me alone. I doubt we will be received well if you depart with me. One might think of why I ask of you to stay one's hand, hm?" He adds the last part teasingly, and she shakes her head.

"Why is it always you, god damned as the rest of them? Why can't you ever let things be?" She asks seriously, and he shrugs at that.

"Isn't it kindness, what I do?" She looks past him, her brown eyes far away as she thinks about what to respond with. She's looking for someone else, he thinks, someone that she knew long ago. A boy younger than this domain, soft and tiring of watching the people suffer. If I was to depart, what would become of that sweet child? The thoughts swirl. This vessel is half of him, small and still not entirely free of the awkwardness of development and baby fat on his cheeks.

The rain has stopped to a drizzle. The sun is going down, and it's time to leave. After all, who is he to love himself as much as the world that he adores? If this is the end, it is a kind one. It's even a mercy killing, with his nature so terribly corrupting within him. How much will have withered away, by the time that his limitless lifespan has passed one hundred? What is death to a changeling? What is drowning to a fish? His hair falls in his face, and the human form he's holding- the one he has loved and been loved in- shivers in and out of vision.

"I don't think you're kind, to leave us without your protection with the northern lands attacking. I don't think it's kind to hurt, Adrian." Sara admits, patting a glitching tendril that twitches at the words. The beast looks at the maiden. She has killed it, and it has killed her. Hope is the first to leave with love, and they both know it as much as they know that Adrian is still going to walk to his death.

And now, his love will kill him under a blood moon. Romance rests in your chest, eating you with as much vigor as it possibly can. The beast, Adrian, he wants to scream, I'm Adrian. He isn't, he's certain, but still it becomes a mantra in the back of his head: Adrian, Adrian, Adrian... I am Adrian. The knowledge of his quickly approaching execution doesn't make him falter at all.

"Lord Farien, I come to you to seal our contract. For the price of your own leadership, you will take my life and its allotted time span. Yes or no will suffice, my lord." Adrian (I'm not just the beast that devours my humanity I am Adrian I'm not alone) drops to one knee, keeping his head bowed in acknowledgement to the man in front of him. He sweeps forward, clothes in a queerly wrinkled state considering his obsession with his own wealth. Adrian hasn't ever seen him look this... horribly sad. Of the two, though, he supposes that Farien gets the last laugh, doesn't he?

Farien. He doesn't even know the man's first name, and now he's going to die by his hand without knowing it. The aftertaste of guilt is as unfortunate as it's always been as he stands on his orders.

"Adrian?" The man asks, aghast, and Adrian shudders. The sound of his true name ripples through him, grounding, and the vampire steps forward like the person he is: innocent, even with the centuries of knowledge under his belt. This- this is the visceral pain that Adrian has been feeling since he let Farien propose the deal. It hurts more, to see Farien suffering much the same.

"Farien," He says back, mouthing the words like he's afraid of the truth, "Yes or no?" He chokes out the last words like poison is still burning down his throat. The man in front of him looks him over, taking in the way he shifts back and forth from man to monster. Who is who? What is Adrian?

What is immortality worth to someone who loves? What is death to someone who has already felt it?

#creative writing #original character #original work #farien and adrian #the gays are in pain #i am too after writing that #angst

[phantomato]

On Headcanons

But I find "headcanon" posts to be a dreadful part of newer fandom culture that I wish would go away. They're very similar to older fandom formats, but now there's this added sense that they're sacred and static. You drop this giant turd of a post about how X Is Actually My Demographic or Y Likes Turtles phrased like it's canon fact when it abjectly is not, and people are supposed to stand up and clap for your personal fantasy. If it were "Here's the fanon I think is most in-character based on canon and why. What do you think?" I'd like it. This "validate me, but you don't get to have an opinion" is masturbation, and I don't need to be involved in other people's masturbation unless it's hot.

Snipped from a longer post by @olderthannetfic that covers, in addition to headcanons, a discussion of fandom friendship. Lovely post, very much worth reading, but I want to talk about just the headcanons bit of it.

I follow the tumblr tags for my favorite characters. I’m not sure what algorithm underlies which tagged posts tumblr chooses to insert into my feed, and so I will not make generalizations about the relative prevalence of these types of posts in the wider tag, but a good deal of what’s shown to me are headcanons. Lists of them, often massive, bullets detailing everything from what someone’s favorite candy might be to how likely they are to cry after sex to the not-at-all absurd ideas that so-and-so blows off steam from minor annoyances with wanton murder, because they’re a villain and that’s what villains do, right?

And god, do I struggle with them. No, the authors of these are not posting them at me, as was the asker in netfic’s scenario, but I am coexisting in this same fandom space as all of this. I have asked myself why I disliked them so, as clearly I am the one out-of-pace with this particular corner of current fandom. It’s harmless fun for the people creating and engaging with that content. I am the stick in the mud. But introspecting about my own feelings on fandom is why I created this damn tumblr, and now that I have the language for it, I must dive in.

It’s not that headcanons aren’t often marked as clearly AU, or otherwise delineated as something besides a meta analysis of the canon text. Scrolling through one of the character tags I follow as I write this post, I see things I would classify as headcanons—the aforementioned lists and ‘incorrect quotes’-type content—headed with explicit language to name the AU or called out as readerfic. There is a sense that these are original ideas. Hell, it’s in the name, headcanons, though I’d argue that the term has ballooned a bit past the original compounding and become something of its own. So, should this not fall under “don’t like, don’t read”?

I mean—other than the fact that it is, that I’m not leaving commentary on anyone’s headcanon posts—

God, I feel a bit awful typing it out, but it’s back to the idea that “people are supposed to stand up and clap for your personal fantasy.” It’s the “added sense that they’re sacred and static.” It’s the fact that when I dropped into a headcanons post on reddit the other day, not even to talk about headcanons but to make a point cautioning a poster about offensive stereotypes, I had multiple people try to talk me into their headcanon for the sexuality of a character. I am just so very tired of this method of engagement with a text.

Because, fundamentally, I have my own set of opinions on characters or their universes, which inform how I write about them in my own meta and fic. I know mine are fluid—I will choose the interpretation that best fits the story I want to tell, and I acknowledge multiplicity in any meta-writing I do. Fuck, I am open to being talked around to more possibilities because of this! There is always more room in the party. What doesn’t work for me is an assertion lacking context, or, worse, an assertion that uses as context some stereotype of the identity/quality being assigned.

In other words, please, please don’t headcanon my villains as aroace because you find them unfuckably unattractive and/or you don’t think people who do bad things can feel love.

You know what does work to make me reconsider my interpretations of a character and make room for new ones? A meta with that “here’s why I get this vibe from canon” analysis. I might not agree, still, but it’ll make me think. Or: a fic, even/especially short ones, that engage with an idea as a proof-of-concept. It can be done, there is interesting ground to cover here, perhaps someone (multiple someones) should run with this and generate more of it?

And so much of this headcanon content feels like it could become those things. I will still stridently disagree with your attempts to keep my ugly villain hot into his 50s or older, but there will be much less to make me privately seethe when one or two bullets from that massive list are turned into 500 words of shortfic, which becomes an offering for the community of fans around that character to consider, not a shotgunning of ideas seemingly designed to hit as wide a field of targets as possible, or a crack-y incorrect quote designed for an absurd shock and ease of reblog-ability. Headcanons, as they seem to exist, offer you nothing to engage with unless you plan to just… agree with them. You can always agree, leaving a like or reblogging them or adding a comment about how X is so true!, and maybe, in the best circumstances, you can “yes, and” some idea from these posts.

But what if you disagree? What does the content offer? Well, unlike a meta, there’s not an implicit invitation to discuss or engage with the underlying ideas that lead to a particular conclusion. And unlike a fic, there’s really nothing to comment on re: character motivations or whether a depiction was handled well. Sure, I can send a post to a friend and snark on it, but that rarely makes me feel engaged with the text or the characters or the creative space of fanwork—it only gives me a chance to blow off some steam about my discontent with parts of the community. Not unwelcome, but also not something that contributes to my excitement about partaking in this community.

And so I’ll slink off, back to my “not fun in current fandom” hole, and go back to being quiet about headcanons and putting what I view as more fulfilling content out into my areas of interest. I’ll still resent it, though, this detritus that blows through my feeds and low-effort-engagements its way to the top of the community’s consciousness.

#navel gazing #fandom meta

[meteor752]

Dsmp Hogwarts AU, except it’s all the characters and I go into why they are what they are, please reblog this took a long ass time

Man, what a title Huh? Anyways, this will obviously go over the characters and not the content creators, because in some cases those are vastly different

Also, before we start, I will go over an important thing that I will mention probably a few times, and that is the difference between Hufflepuff Loyalty and Slytherin Loyalty.

Both of these houses value loyalty, but in very different ways. Take for example that you’re a spy who has their best friend as their partner, and you’re out on some super important mission. Let’s also say that your partner got shot and is close to death, and the only way to save them would be to abandon the mission entirely.

A Hufflepuff would try to complete the mission because it would be the best for all, while the Slytherin would abandon the mission despite the fact that it could result in countless deaths, just to save their friend.

See it as Selfish Loyalty vs Selfless loyalty. Both are great things to have, but are still different.

Anyways, on with the show

Tomathy Danger Kraken Careful Innit

I have seen people try to argue that this boy is a Hufflepuff because of his loyalty and such, but gosh darnit everyone this child is a god damn Gryffindor. I mean, one of his main character traits is that he’s brash and too brave for his own good. The reason he got fucking exiled is because he burned down George’s house without thinking of the consequences, and then just screamed at Dream without thinking of the consequences. The same goes for Ghostbur’s “death”, it was because he had no real plan except Stab Dream with an axe. So yeah, Gryffindor

Wilbur Soot

Slytherin, 100%. This man has created one and a half nation, one entirely out of spite, he was both a general and a president, he’s a smart lil fella, and he managed to hold his own against the god of the server. I don’t even thing you guys wanna argue with me here

Tuberculosis Underscore

This one is tricky, because it’s really between Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw for me. Like, he does possess the Hufflepuff loyalty™ plus he is very kind, but he’s also one of the more logical and observant characters we have in this server (The bar is very low let me tell ya). But I think I will have to go with Ravenclaw, just because like, the boy invented nukes. He built fucking nukes. So yeah, a very chaotic Ravenclaw that will spout bee facts at you, be prepared

Technoblade

My man is a Ravenclaw, no doubt about it. I mean, he started talking about an old greek myth in the middle of a war? Just Ravenclaw things amiright?

Philza Minecraft

I will have to go with Slytherin on this one, simply because of the large amount of Slytherin Loyalty, but also because of his cunningness and resourcefulness, but for real this was very tricky, simply because I don’t like to think about c!Phil too much because as some of you may know, I kinda hate him (Not the cc though, obvs, he’s awesome)

Ranboo My Beloved

Hufflepuff. This boy’s ideology is literally “Choose people, not sides”, he’s an honest and compassionate boy who works hard, and has a very open mind. He’s literally the by the book Hufflepuff

Eret

Honestly, Slytherin. I mean, they are ambitious as fuck, both shown by them betraying L’Manburg for the throne, but also by working hard towards their redemption arc. They are also a good leader of the smp, and in general a great role model to have

Nikki Nihachu

This one is actually difficult, simply because Nikki has gone through quite the character arc the past couple of months. She started out kind, sweet and loyal, a classic Hufflepuff. Then she joined the syndicate and straight up tried to kill a child, which is less Hufflepuff but who am I to judge. But in her core, as seen through her discussion with Jack about Tommy’s revival, she is still a good person that works hard for what she believes in, wants the best for everyone (Despite sometimes working in her best self interest) remains kind through it all. So yeah, Nikki is a Hufflepuff, just a bit of a sadistic one. But we can’t all be perfect ya know?

Fun Jonathan Michael Vincent Georgina James Sus Dy Soot

Ah, my favorite character, and also one of the best examples of a Ravenclaw. And I ain’t saying that just cuz I’m a Ravenclaw, Fundy is one of the most Ravenclaw characters out there. He’s creative, Clever, Spontaneous, Witty, Curious, Sharp, and a real trickster. The idea of Ravenclaws being the goody two shoes kids that always does their school work is just false, we never do our Homework and instead sit and read about things we find interesting, and Fundy is a good example of that. Also he was quite the eager learner during the Dreamon Hunters arc, which again is a good example of a Ravenclaw. So if Ranboo is the by the book Hufflepuff, then Fundy is the by the book Ravenclaw.

Dreamwastaken

I’m pretty sure it’s confirmed that Dream is actually a Slytherin, and I ain’t arguing with that. This boy is cunning, sly, a leader, traditional, Self-Preserving, and a master with words. There is not much more to say here, apart from the fact that Slytherins main colour is literally green, so it all checks out, this boy is a snake.

George Lore

Mr not found over here really is hard to pinpoint down, simply because his main character trait is his apathy, which isn’t really a trait for any of the houses. I was discussing this one with my girlfriend, and both of us were pretty clueless of what to do with him. I was thinking if Hufflepuff since they take the ones that don’t fit anywhere else, but then I was reminded of the most recent Dream XD stream, which showed us one thing, and that is that George is clever, observant, and Sharp Minded, all the traits of a Ravenclaw. Sure, he could also be Slytherin as he was both cunning and sly as well, but I think Ravenclaw fits him more personally.

Sappitus Nappitus Boyhalo

Finally we have another Gryffindor, there’s been a serious lack of them on the list. My man is a fighter, he’s bold, he’s brave, he’s passionate, he’s confident, and he doesn’t really think that much of the consequences of his actions (Cough the pet war cough), so yeah this boy a lion.

Punz

Ah, Punzie, the mercenary themself. Tbh, I know very little about them because Punz don’t get involved that much in lore unless they are hired for something. I mean, they were in the eggpire, but even then they were barely involved, which is sad cuz I like Punz. But what we have seen of Punz is that they are someone who does not care about you or what you want, as long as you pay them. They are power hungry and self preserving, which means that I have to put them in Slytherin.

Jack Thunder1408 TV Manifold

The boy who I can’t help but be sympathetic towards. Jack is also a hard character to pin point because of the reason that he’s gone through quite the development. Jackie boy is a very broken character that has literally been through hell, so it’s hard to properly sort him. He’s quite confident and clever, yet cunning and resourceful, so for me it’s either Slytherin or Gryffindor. But I do lean towards Gryffindor more, partly because of his stubbornness and gullibility, and part because of all the fire imagery that’s associated with him. I mean, the cc described him as burning inside, he’s been through the scape of fire and death, and he burnt his nation to the ground. In case you didn’t know, Fire is the element of Gryffindor, so yeah, another red and gold boy.

JSchlatt

Schlatt is as both charming, charismatic and calm in the early days, using subtle manipulation tactics to get his way and achieve ultimate power. He’s ambitious, narcissistic, cunning, and tyrannical, while still hiding it all behind a facade of smiles and waves. He could also be both cruel and irresponsible at times, aka the time he had an underage child drink during an event, but ya know, mistakes. So all in all, I think it’s pretty clear that he’s a Snakey boy.

QuackityHQ

As much as I love CC!Quackity, I also fucking hate him because of the many, many different directions he’s taken this character which makes it possible for him to fit in literally any of the houses. The duckie is both Chaotic and lawful, he’s both friendly and hostile, he’s a smart cookie and a fucking dumbass, so like bruh. But, I’m gonna have to go with how he is now, which is manipulative, power hungry, cruel, and strong willed. Aka, another Slytherin.

Karl Jacobs

Finally, a character that is not broken down to the point of barely making out a readable personality. Karl is a kind and funny person, who is very open to new people considering how often he gives tours to visitors and new people, and he is quite literally loosing himself traveling through time in an attempt to help people. Hufflepuff

Awesamdude

This one I know will be controversial, but I’m saying Hufflepuff on him. Sam is one of the best cases of the Hufflepuff loyalty, literally letting both Tommy and Ghostbur be stuck and ultimately die in the prison just so he wouldn’t risk Dream breaking out. Before that point he was very kind and gentle towards Tommy, literally building a robot to keep him safe and take care of him. Sam nook is a reflection of Sam’s feelings towards Tommy, and they are kind and gentle.

Dropsbyponk

Ughhhh, another tough one. Ponk is a chaotic being who is mostly neutral in conflicts, but is shown to be very open about their feelings towards those they care about, like Sam or Foolish. They seem to be have strong feelings in what they believe in, and can be a bit brash sometimes, not really caring about the consequences of their actions, which is what makes me say Gryffindor for them.

Badboyhalo

Our favorite muffin demon. I assume, I don’t know what life you live. Anyways, Bad is like the stereotypical Hufflepuff. The kindhearted, well meaning, sweet, responsible Hufflepuff. The Hufflepuff that’s like in all of those incorrect quotes blogs and “Slytherin and Hufflepuff friendships uwu” posts. But for real, Bad is very Hufflepuff. He does however have Slytherin Loyalty, considering he pretty much sacrificed the entire server for Skeppy, but if you would try to convince me that Bad is a Slytherin I will just laugh at you

Skeppy

It was at this point I realized what I’ve gotten myself into with this post, which you know, not fun. Skeppy is both cocky and filled with energy, with a real ambition to cause chaos. He’s also shown to be willing to sacrifice himself for the person he loves, Bad, when he gave himself up to the egg. I’ve seen some people say Slytherin, but I’m kinda getting Gryffindor from the lad, so yeah, another lion.

Antfrost

Frosty here is a kind hearted person that for the most part seem to be along for the ride. He reminds me a bit of a parent of toddlers, with his patience and serenity towards the more chaotic people on the server, so of course my natural instinct is Hufflepuff. Buuuuut, then there’s again the issue with the egg and the Slytherin loyalty, this time towards his boyfriend Velvet who he was willing to join a cult for (relationship goals) but again, you can’t really say Ant is a Slytherin considering how wrecked he was about what he did while in the eggpire when he was released from it’s grasp. So yeah, Puffle boy

Captain Puffy

Oh captain my captain, you are such a Gryffindor. And some of you may disagree on that, stating that she’s a Hufflepuff or something (I did research before this to check what other people think, I know) but naaah, she a lion. Puffy is very motherly and protective towards other people on the server, especially the minors, but in the way that a Bear is protective towards its cub, which is gentle towards them but fierce towards others. Puffy also falls natural in the role of a leader as seen with Pro-Omelette, but that is kinda expected since she’s a past Pirate Captain. But she wasn’t the leader she was supposed to be, as she waited quite a while to act against the eggpire out of fear of hurting her friends, which lead to quite the damage towards the rest of the server. She’s also been shown to act on impulse, killing Antfrost and taking one of his lives after he killed her son. Idk if this is a good explanation of why I believe Puffy to be a Gryffindor, it sounds more like I’m claiming her to be a Slytherin or Hufflepuff, but she is a Gryffindor I promise!

Foolish Gamers

Foolish is a kind and friendly being, if not a bit naive and easily distracted. He’s also not the brightest person, in fact I’d go as far as to call the guy a Himbo, and he can be a bit skittish sometimes if he’s stressed or haven’t taken a break in a while. But despite it all, the guy is someone who’s creative and hard working, with a brilliant mind for his building. The man is an artist who can get grumpy if you suppress his creative aura, and put his heart and soul into his works. He also has a habit of getting wrapped up in big projects, and ignoring sleep or personal care until he’s finished them. This all leads me to say that Mr Gamers is a Ravenclaw, just not the smartest one. But hey, we can’t all be geniuses, can we.

Slimecicle

Slime is very naive and very trusting towards people around him, taking every word they say as a fact. He can also be a bit dark and ominous at times, but quickly shakes it off as nothing important. This all makes him quite childish, which is very hard to sort, so I’m gonna say Hufflepuff for his friendliness and move on.

Purpled Bedwars

I actually started loving this guy the minute I saw him, purely because Purple is my favorite colour, like my man has taste. Purpled, like Punz, is a guy who helps whoever pays him the most. He’s not interested in most things on the server, too busy looking out for number one (And Dogchamp of course). He’s very self reliant and resourceful, but still quite passive. He may not be the most ambitious guy, but Purpled is definitely a Slytherin (It also brings me and my girlfriend Serotonin knowing that the mercenary siblings are both in the same house, we love those two)

Hannahxxrose

I don’t watch Hannah that much, but god I love her voice, it makes my lesbian little heart happy. Hannah is a friendly person who is very naive about the conflicts on the server, thinking it all can can be solved by placing a rose (God I wish). She’s a good decorator and a good hearted person, who unfortunately fell victim to the egg’s influence. I’m going with Hufflepuff on her, but I’m honestly not entirely sure as I don’t know that much about her.

HBomb94

H is a very well meaning person that only really wants people to be friendly towards each other. He had a strict moral code and he keeps to it, as shown where Fundy tried to get his help with blowing shit up. He’s very helpful to those who ask and is willing to back up his friends when it’s needed, which makes me say that the friendly totally not dirty cat maid is a Hufflepuff.

Connoreatspants

I just want you all to know that I’m writing this before Connor’s lore stream that surely will just go against everything I say because fate hates me, just so ya know. Connor is not a person that does stuff on the server with lore and he for the most part keeps to himself, so this is a bit hard. Connor also has this thing where he likes to say things just to confuse him, and also making a bit of cursed lore, but he’s still a fairly humble person. He does lie and steal a bit, and has this habit of moving into other people’s houses, but I digress. I’m actually leaning towards Ravenclaw on him, for some reason, so that’s what I’m going with until I have more of an established character.

ItsAlyssa

I know she has left the server and stuff, but she was one of the original members so it would be a crime not to include her. Alyssa is a bit chaotic, often going on killing sprees, or burning down the trees outside of L’Manburg. So I’m placing Alyssa in Gryffindor, but to be honest I don’t really know at this point.

Callahan

How do you sort a person who does not speak, stream, or show like anything of his personality? The answer is, you don’t. Hufflepuff is the house of those who don’t fit in anywhere else, and that’s where I’m placing him.

Vikkstar123

Please log onto the server I’m begging you, I didn’t watch you as a kid and honestly know nothing about you. From what I’ve seen of Vik he’s a very humble person that tries to stay out of it all, instead forming a land together with his bro Lazar. Honestly my instincts say Ravenclaw and I trust my instincts, so I’m putting him in Ravenclaw

Lazarbeam

Lazar was actually a big part of the exile arc which I realized after already have written his, so now I gotta rewrite it. Lazar is fairly ambitious on the server, and has the goal to obtain the most powerful objects on the server just to rival the other strong members of the smp. He’s especially against Tommy, and aims to do a lot to be the opposite of him, aka well respected and not a war criminal that got exiled (Totally fair goal). Despite that, he was able to show some empathy to the British child, even going as far as to give him a disk during his exile. This all makes me say Slytherin on him.

Michaelmcchill

Newest boy. Michael is a very apathetic person, showing little to no empathy towards most people’s trauma on the server. The person he does feel empathy for however is Dream, who of course did nothing wrong and is locked up in the prison which is just horrible oh no. Michael just truly does not care about what you’ve been through (as of now) which is why I’m gonna say Slytherin, because he does have Slytherin loyalty towards Mr Was Taken.

TL;DR

Tommy-Lion

Wilbur-Snake

Tubbo-Eagle

Techno-Eagle

Philza-Snake

Ranboo-Badger

Eret-Snake

Nikki-Badger

Fundy-Eagle

Dream-Snake

George-Eagle

Sapnap-Lion

Punz-Snake

Jack-Lion

Schlatt-Snake

Quackity-Snake

Karl-Badger

Sam-Badger

Ponk-Lion

Bad-Badger

Skeppy-Lion

Antfrost-Badger

Puffy-Lion

Foolish-Eagle

Slime-Badger

Purpled-Snake

Hannah-Badger

HBomb-Badger

Connor-Eagle

Alyssa-Lion

Callahan-Badger

Vik-Eagle

Lazar-Snake

Michael-Snake

So all together we have Seven lions, Ten Snakes, Seven Eagles and Ten Badgers. I think that’s fair tbh

#Dream SMP #Dsmp #Hogwarts #Harry Potter AU #Hogwarts houses #tommyinnit #Wilbur Soot #tubbo underscore #Technoblade #Philza Minecraft #ranboo my beloved #The Eret #nikki nihachu #Fundy Soot #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #Sapnap #Punz #Jack Manifold #quackityhq #karl jacobs #awesamdude #drops by ponk #badboyhalo #Skeppy #Antfrost #Captain Puffy #foolish gamers #charlie slimecicle #And that’s all the characters I can tag I reached max limit everyone

[scintillatingshortgirl19]

Loki’s Line About Betraying Everyone

I need to talk about this line (spoiler: I’m not happy about it). I was going to just include this in the full episode response post I’m working on, but it got long enough that I decided to make it its own.

First of all, here’s the full quote: "I betrayed everyone who ever loved me. I betrayed my father, my brother, my home. I know what I did. And I know why I did it. And that's not who I am anymore."

Y'all, I'm less emotional about it now but this line fucked me up when I first heard it. It hit me like a ton of bricks while watching the episode for the first time because I was actually doing fine and wasn't significantly bothered by anything up until that point, and then came that line and I suddenly almost felt physically ill. I actually wrote up a post about it that night but never posted it because it was essentially just a lot of screaming, so I've now taken pieces of that and formed a hopefully more coherent post (though it still contains a good amount of screaming). So, I get that the idea that Loki’s betrayed Thor over and over is a Commonly Accepted Thing. It's really a lot more complicated than that, and there are a lot of gray areas involved, but fine, I'll give them that one. But - when did Loki betray his father? When did Loki betray his home?? I’m not just mad about it, this is...a legitimate question. I mean with the father thing, I guess the only thing could be the nursing home in Ragnarok/taking the throne from him? Which is irrelevant anyway because this Loki didn’t do that and doesn't even know it happened in the main timeline?? And besides, it PALES, like, hilariously, in comparison to any one of multiple things Odin did to him before that (not counting any fanon here - just the canon things that we know of!) I am just so confused, especially about the betraying Asgard thing. WHEN? LITERALLY WHEN? Guys, there is no film in which that took place.

If I trusted the narrative, I would say the most logical thing to conclude - at least about the betraying Asgard part - is that this is a setup for Loki to later realize he actually saved Asgard by causing Ragnarok (because that's the closest thing I can think of to "betraying his home"), which could even tie into something about, idk, helping him realize he’s capable of being a hero? (or something) and it would be a good follow-up to the moment he found out about Ragnarok in episode 2, but...fuck, the way these lines were framed it really doesn't feel like anything like that is going to happen. I could be wrong, but these just didn't strike me as lines that are at any point going to be contradicted or even revisited.

And moving onto another part of the quote - "I know why I did it." Uh, I guess good for Loki for apparently knowing that...but the audience sure doesn't?? This is something we're just now being told and have not been shown at all?? I have a feeling Loki thinks he knows why but it unfortunately doesn't have anything to do with some of the biggest actual reasons, which are the abuses done to him that helped make him who he is. Even more unfortunately, I also have a feeling the creators are on roughly the same page as Loki here. So yeah, that's a real shame.

The core problem here seems to be where the writers are coming from, and @iamanartichoke worded it really well here, so I’m just going to quote her: “either the writing is being lazy by oversimplifying Loki’s motives, or it’s being deliberately misleading in order to retcon the character, or the writers genuinely believe that’s what happened, which implies a misunderstanding of Loki’s character kinda from the get-go - at least on what drives his villainy and what fuels his anger, which are pretty significant things.” I do think there’s a slight chance they were using Loki as an unreliable narrator here and the audience was supposed to pick up on the subtext (more on that at the end of this post), but I doubt it, and I think it’s very likely one or more of the options listed in the quote. 

Honestly, I can explain Loki's line about betrayal (and his general lack of acknowledgement of his own trauma/legit grievances against his family) pretty easily in-universe. It makes sense that Loki himself would frame things as him betraying everyone who's ever loved him as if they never did anything to wrong him first, or that he would try to ignore what Thanos did to him in favor of putting all the blame on himself (coping with his trauma and loss of control by denying it). Or hell, maybe he would even straight up subconsciously invent a betrayal that never even happened, like the one about his home. I can totally understand Loki seeing the events of his life that way! That all lines up with his complete lack of self-worth, and to have him 1) recognize his mistakes and take responsibility for them (which has happened at this point in the show), but then progress on to 2) realize he isn't solely to blame for literally everything, and 3) recognize the role of his family and others in understanding why he is the way he is - that would be a very satisfying arc and is the natural direction that the story should take in episode 6. The problem is, I don't think the show is going that way. I think we're either supposed to take it at face value that Loki did in fact betray everybody who ever loved him (as if Loki is a reliable narrator when he's most certainly an unreliable one), or the audience is supposed to figure out that Loki's an unreliable narrator here - but the latter won't work, because the creators have to follow through on that subtext at some point and actually do something to indicate that what Loki said wasn't 100% true, and it doesn't feel like they're going to. You can't expect your audience to put any weight on subtext or even pick up on it in the first place if you never actually confirm anything, and your audience won't know your narrator is unreliable unless you tell them. If Loki being an unreliable narrator in that specific moment was their intention, only a small subset of fans are going to pick up on it. So the way they're framing it so far, the audience is simply going to see it the same way Loki does and not realize it's incorrect. 

Unfortunately, as stated earlier, I think the most likely explanation is that the writers either don’t understand Loki, are being lazy, or are deliberately retconning. So while I take a degree of comfort in the in-universe explanation, it’s pretty damn infuriating to consider where the writer’s minds were probably at in reality, and how this set of lines is presenting Loki to the casual audience. 

Tagging @iamanartichoke and @delyth88 if you guys have any thoughts?

#loki series negativity #loki spoilers #loki tv series #loki meta #loki series speculation #kind of #journey into mystery

[keepcalmandcarryfire]

Part 2 of Incorrect Eroica Quotes

James: My only talent is being stress. Dorian: Don't you mean stressed? James: No.

Klaus: That sounds like a terrible plan. Dorian: Oh, we've had worse.

Dorian: James, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason. James, wearing a shirt that's 5 times bigger than his size: Spooky.

Klaus: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”. Klaus: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

Dorian: Do you take constructive criticism? James: Not without crying.

Dorian: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool.

Dorian: Pardon the intrusion, but- Klaus: On this moment or just my life in general?

Dorian, texting James: *sends a voice message* James, texting back: I’m a little busy, is it urgent? Dorian: No, don’t worry, just listen later. *later* James: *presses play* Dorian's voice message: THERE’S A FIRE-

Dorian: A fistfight CAN be romantic.

James: When I was your age- Dorian, mocking James: When I was your height. James: James: Listen here you little shit-

James: You look like a corpse that was just pulled out of the river. Dorian: Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who just OD'd in their own pool. Big difference.

Dorian: Why are you like this?? Klaus: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

James: Are you ready to commit? Dorian: Like, a crime or a relationship?

Klaus: Did it hurt when you fell- Dorian: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt- Klaus: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs. Dorian: ... Klaus: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

James: I have met some of the most insufferable people. But they also met me.

Dorian: Damn, Klaus, are you secretly cool? Klaus: Well, poker is just math, so I guess it depends on if you consider the mathematician, Carl Friedrich Gauss, cool. Dorian: I do not.

Dorian, dramatically: They called me a fool. Klaus, sick of Dorian's shit: They weren’t wrong.

Dorian: When was the last time you cried? James: Uh 15 minutes ago, why?? Dorian: really? That recent? James: Yeah *voice crack* is that a issue? *starts crying again*

Dorian: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone. James: Mine just says "James no." Dorian: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

Dorian: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go. James: Those are wanted posters!

Dorian: I never tell people off the bat that I'm gay. I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and am like "you know I'm gay right?" and watch the look of terror on their face. James: James: I like you.

Klaus: Who's in charge here? Dorian, shrugging: Usually whoever yells the loudest.

Dorian: Maybe the true treasure was friendship all along. But I hope not, because I can’t spend friendship on new clothes.

Dorian: I like your new pants! Klaus: Thanks, they were 50% off! Dorian: I’d like them better if they were 100% off. *winks* Klaus: The store can’t just give away clothes for free. Dorian: Thats’s… not what I meant. Klaus: That’s a terrible way to run a business, Dorian.

Dorian, holding an antique bottle: Is this whiskey or perfume? Klaus: *grabs and chugs the entire bottle* Klaus: Klaus: It's perfume.

James: Fight me! Dorian, standing behind him and holding a knife: *mouths* Do not.

Dorian: That's ridiculous, James doesn't have a crush on me. Bonham: Yes he does. Jones: Yes he does. James: Yes I do.

Klaus: I’ve invited you here because I crave the deadliest game... Dorian, nodding: Knife Monopoly. Klaus: I was actually going to play Russian roulette, but now I'm really interested in whatever knife Monopoly is.

(part 1) (part 3)

#incorrect quotes #from eroica with love

[morallygreyvigilante]

Durarara!!: Izamika (ft. Mikaoba) - Incorrect Quotes

Just a compilation of Incorrect quotes I posted in the Discord server (some of these are only funny if you were involved in the convos but here they are anyway). Also if you recognise any of these quotes from anywhere pls let me know so I can source them.

*-* *-* *-*

Izaya: It’s okay to call me Izaya.

Mikado: *Literally does exactly that.*

Izaya: 0_0

*-* *-* *-*

Izaya: Okay, I’m not just going to blurt out that he’s my boyfriend.

Mikado: *Does something slightly cool.*

Izaya: That one, you see that one right there? He’s mine.

*-* *-* *-*

Izaya: I’m not that easy.

Mikado: *Puppy dog eyes.*

Izaya: Damn it.

*-* *-* *-*

Mikado: *Enables dark mode.*

Aoba: *Remembers Izaya is gay for this exact reason.*

Aoba: Fuck.

*-* *-* *-*

Mikado: *Smiles in Izaya’s general direction.*

Izaya: *Clutches chest.*

Izaya: Thank you.

*-* *-* *-*

Masaomi: Oh, and stay away from Izaya.

Mikado: *Currently serving as a leaning post for Izaya.*

Mikado: Okay, got it.

Izaya: *Wheezing.*

*-* *-* *-*

Izaya: *Flatlining.*

Mikage: What happened to him?

Shinra: Mikado complimented him.

Mikage: ...

*-* *-* *-*

Shinra: *Sees Izaya being connected to a heart monitor.*

Shinra: *Sighs.*

Shinra: Was it the high-schooler again?

*-* *-* *-*

Masaomi: *Becomes a gang leader.*

Izaya: Am I supposed to be impressed?

Mikado: *Also becomes a gang leader.*

Izaya: You’re amazing, here let me give you some advice.

Masaomi: 0_0

*-* *-* *-*

Namie: You and what army?

Mikado: *Summons an army out of thin air.*

Izaya: Fuck, I’m gay.

*-* *-* *-*

Izaya: *Pining over Mikado.*

Mairu & Kururi: So, are we invited to the wedding?

*-* *-* *-*

Izaya: I’m not a good person.

Mikado: *Puppy dog eyes.*

Mikado: You’re not?

Izaya: ...

Izaya: Damn it, okay, I am.

*-* *-* *-*

Shizuo: *Breathes.*

Izaya: Can you shut the fuck up?

Mikado: *Breathes.*

Izaya: Marry me.

*-* *-* *-*

Celty: Can you just not be you for five seconds?

Izaya: But look at him, he’s adorable.

Celty: *Sigh.*

*-* *-* *-*

Mikado the 1st time Izaya is hit with a trashcan: Are you okay?

Mikado the 50th time Izaya is hit with a trashcan: How did you piss him off this time?

*-* *-* *-*

Izaya: *Attempting a pick-up line in Russian.*

Mikado: What was that?

Izaya: Nothing, don’t worry about it.

Simon, knowing full well what was just said: *Suppressed laughter.*

*-* *-* *-*

Mikado: *Starts showing doubts.*

Izaya: *Encouraging speech.*

Masaomi: *Starts showing doubts.*

Izaya: lol, F.

*-* *-* *-*

Masaomi: *Does something slightly impressive.*

Izaya: Meh.

Aoba: *Does something slightly impressive.*

Izaya: Cool, let me know when it goes wrong.

Mikado: *Does something slightly impressive.*

Izaya, tearing up: That’s my boy.

*-* *-* *-*

Shinra: So, how long have you been together?

Izaya: We’re...not in a relationship?

Shinra: Okay.

Shinra: Everyone raise your hand if you thought Izaya and Mikado were dating.

Everyone: *Raises hand.*

Izaya: ...

Izaya: *Blushes.*

Izaya: Put your hand down Mikado.

*-* *-* *-*

Izaya & Aoba: *Practically holding knives to each other’s throats.*

Mikado: They’re idiots but they’re my idiots.

Izaya & Aoba: *Record scratch.*

Aoba: He called us his idiots.

Izaya: I know.

Izaya & Aoba: *Flatlining.*

Mikado: *Sighs.*

Mikado: Can we just have one day where this doesn’t happen?

*-* *-* *-*

Izaya: I don't like you. 

Aoba: I don't like you either. 

Mikado: *Gets hurt.*

Izaya: I'll figure out who did it. 

Aoba: I'll grab the gasoline. 

Izaya: ... 

Aoba: ... 

Izaya: This doesn't change anything. 

Aoba: Agreed. 

Mikado: Guys, it was just an accident.

Izaya: They still hurt you. 

Aoba: They don't get to live.

*-* *-* *-*

Erika: Did you know that the five people you spend the most time with influence you the most?

Mikado: *Looks at Masaomi, Anri, Izaya, Aoba and Celty.*

Mikado: Well, I'm screwed.

*-* *-* *-*

Izaya: *Wearing the most obnoxious pride shirt he can find while staring at Mikado.*

Izaya: No homo though. 

Mikado: Oh, not even a little? 

Izaya: ... 

Izaya: Okay, so maybe all the homo.

*-* *-* *-*

Someone: *Steps within five meters of Mikado.*

Izaya: *Nyooms from the other side of the city.*

Izaya: Nope. This is mine. Get your own.

*-* *-* *-*

Mikado: Anyone who can get Izaya to sleep for at least 8 hours gets 10 billion.

Aoba: *Grabs frying pan.*

Aoba: WHERE IS HE?!

*-* *-* *-*

Masaomi: This is Mikado and Izaya, they're both friends somehow.

Mikado: *Wearing Izaya's jacket.* 

Izaya: *Practically wrapped around Mikado.*

Mikado: Friends?

Izaya: Something like that.

*-* *-* *-*

Masaomi: *Trying to teach Mikado how to get girls.*

Izaya & Aoba: Allow us to introduce ourselves.

*-* *-* *-*

Mikado: How do you hit on girls?  

Aoba: Don't.

Izaya: Destroy their phone. 

Masaomi: ... 

Mikado: Go on... 

Masaomi: Mikado wtf?!

*-* *-* *-*

#anime #durarara #izamika #incorrect quotes #izaya orihara #mikado ryugamine #source: discord #mikaoba #aoba kuronuma #masaomi kida #mikage sharaku #shinra kishitani #namie yagiri #mairu orihara #kururi orihara #shizuo heiwajima #celty sturluson #simon brezhnev #erika karisawa

[bookofmariokingofmaiami]

I decided to mess with the incorrect quote generator with 6 characters from book of mario king of kami and before I knew it I had a fuck ton of text so lets go

Also I like to hink these are cannon because it gives personalities to characters that apeared once or twice and gives insight on others

maria: Time for plan G.

bolivia : Don’t you mean plan B?

maria: No, we tried plan B a long time ago. I had to skip over plan C due to technical difficulties.

Hampton : What about plan D?

maria: Plan D was that desperate disguise attempt half an hour ago.

Barney one: What about plan E?

maria: I’m hoping not to use it. Belize dies in plan E.

Ptricio : I like plan E.

maria: Hewwo.

Bolivia : Hihiiiiii!

Hampton : Greetings, Humans.

Belize : Three kinds of people.

Barney one: I want pudding.

maria: Four kinds of people.

Ptricio : WHAT’S UP FUCKERS?

Belize : Five kinds of people.

maria: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Bolivia : >:O language

Hampton : Yeah watch your fucking language

Barney one: OKAY WHO TAUGHT HAMPTON THE FUCK WORD?

Belize : 'The fuck word'.

Ptricio : Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Hampton : Oh my god they censored it

Belize : Say fuck, Ptricio .

Hampton : Do it, Ptricio . Say fuck.

maria: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Bolivia : What if it bites me and it dies!?

Hampton : Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Bolivia , learn to listen.

Barney one: What if it bites itself and I die?

Belize : That’s voodoo.

Ptricio : What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Bolivia : That’s correlation, not causation.

Barney one: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?

Belize : That’s kinky.

maria: Oh my God.

maria: You're a loose cannon, Bolivia .

Bolivia : No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

Hampton : I think you play by your own rules.

Barney one: No way, they think rules were made to be broken.

maria: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.

Bolivia : No, I'm just a reckless renegade. Belize is a loose cannon.

Belize : *smashes a chair*

maria: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

Bolivia : Have everyone stand.

Hampton : Bring three more chairs!

Barney one: The most important ones can sit down.

Belize : Kill three.

maria: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Hampton will and will not eat.

Bolivia : Grass? Yes!

maria: Moss? Yes!!

Bolivia : Leaves? Ohh, yes!

maria: Shoelaces? Strange but true!

Bolivia : Worms? Sometimes!

maria: Rocks? Usually nah.

Bolivia : Twigs? Usually!

maria: Belize 's cooking? Inconclusive!

Barney one: How did you… test this?

maria: You just hand them stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if they eat it, they eat it.

Barney one: ... I don’t know how to feel about this.

Belize : IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

maria: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Bolivia : 'Prettiest Smile'

Hampton : 'Nicest Personality'

Barney one: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Belize : 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

maria: Bridge the generation gap by combining old and new slang into one!

Bolivia : Tubular AF!

Hampton : Mood to the max!

Barney one, annoyed: Groovy, I hate it.

Belize , just as annoyed: If she breathes, she’s a square.

maria: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?

Bolivia : Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies

Belize : Socks are Feetie Heaties

Barney one: Forks are Stabby Grabbies

Bolivia : Defibrillators are Heartie Starties

Belize : Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies

Barney one: Stamps are Lickie Stickies

Hampton , annoyed: You are disappointments

maria: Anyone d-

Bolivia : Depressed?

Hampton : Drained?

Barney one: Dumb?

Belize : Disliked?

maria: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people ...

maria: What does 'take out' mean?

Bolivia : Food.

Hampton : Dating

Barney one: Murder

Belize : IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

maria, trying to convince Belize to join the group: You know... I thought it'd be good to have someone come along who's really... strong!

Bolivia : And loud!

Hampton : And grumpy!

Barney one: And oblivious to reality!

Belize :

maria: That's it, we're gonna go out and find what we need!

Barney one: To the city?

maria: Yeah, no matter what!

Belize : Well- How exactly do you propose we do that, exactly?

maria: I... I don't know!

Bolivia : Oh come off it, be serious!

maria: I am serious!

Bolivia : You're insane!

Hampton : Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved!

Everyone:

maria: What???

Hampton : Or maybe it was a basset hound!

Bolivia , panicked: YOU'RE ALL INSANE!

maria: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses.

Bolivia : This knife is actually a magic wand.

Hampton : Meet me in the Denny’s parking lot for a wizard duel.

Barney one: *cocks gun* Magic missile.

Belize : What the fuck is wrong with you people.

maria: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me?

Bolivia : It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it.

maria: Three of us saw it, Bolivia . How do you explain that?

Bolivia : *points at Hampton * Sleep deprivation. *points at Barney one* Paranoia. *points at Belize * Delusional personality disorder.

maria: Good morning.

Bolivia : Good morning.

Hampton : Good morning.

Barney one: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Belize : MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

maria: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends.

Bolivia : ... Your what?

maria: My friends.

Hampton : Are they saying “friends”?

Barney one: I think they're being sarcastic.

Belize : No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, maria! All of your friends are in this room.

maria: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.

maria: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three-

maria and Bolivia , in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks!

Hampton : Our turn, Belize! One, two, three- vanilla!

Belize, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake.

maria: Yo is Belize sleeping or dead?

Bolivia : Hopefully dead, I hated their guts.

Hampton : Yeah, so did I.

Belize: Okay first of all, fuck you-

maria: Bolivia isn’t answering their phone

Hampton : I’ll call

maria: Belize and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Bolivia : Hello?

maria: Listen, I can explain...

Bolivia : You’re making $500,000 and you’re only gonna pay me $30,000?

Hampton : You’re getting 30 grand? I’m getting $1,000!

Belize: You guys are getting paid?

maria: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Bolivia : Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

maria: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING HAMPTON WITH ME

Belize, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

maria: You know those things will kill you, right?

Bolivia , pouring another glass of whiskey: That’s the point.

Hampton , smoking a cigarette: We’re trying to speed up the process.

Belize: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*

maria: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Bolivia : Not if they consent to it.

Hampton : Depends who you’re stabbing.

Belize: YES?!?

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

maria: Shit.

Bolivia : Wait, three?

Cop: Yeah?

Hampton : OH MY GOD BELIZE FELL OFF!!!

maria: Dammit, Bolivia !

Bolivia : What?! It wasn’t me!

maria: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Hampton !

Hampton : Not me either.

maria: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?

Belize: *whistles*

maria: Hah! 69! You know what that means?

Bolivia : What?

Hampton : That you're a child.

Belize: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?

*maria is cooking*

Bolivia : Any chance that’s for me?

maria: It’s for Belize. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need them on my side.

Hampton : I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

maria: Tonight, one of you will betray us.

Bolivia : Is it me, maria?

maria: No, it’s not you.

Hampton : Is it me, maria?

maria: It’s not you either.

Belize: Is it me, maria?

maria:

maria, mockingly: Is IT mE maria?

maria: Truth or dare?

Bolivia : Dare

maria: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room

Bolivia : Hey Hampton

Hampton , blushing: Yeah?

Bolivia : Could you move? I’m trying to get to Belize

maria: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Bolivia : In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Hampton ?

Hampton : Probably “road work ahead”.

Belize: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

maria: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.

Bolivia : Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you.

Hampton : There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

maria: Hampton and I are having a baby.

Bolivia : That's gre-

maria, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you, sign here.

maria: I told Bolivia their ears flush when they lie.

Belize: Why?

maria: Look.

maria: Hey Bolivia ! Do you love us?

Bolivia , covering their ears: No.

Belize:

maria: Don't worry, I got a plan.

Bolivia : Alright.

maria: TraitorSayWhat?

Belize: Excuse me?

maria: What?

Bolivia :

maria:

maria: No wait-

#mario #funny #paper mario #bolivia #book of mario #barbie the bob omb #mary #bunddle #1000 infernal air sleeves #incorrect quotes #lore #ptricio #belize #barney one

[greenhatsinthesky]

lockdown film no. 33 - Gladiator (2000) dir. Ridley Scott

13/05/2020

- I saw this film the first time when I was maybe 13? My dad decided that it was time for me to watch this Oscar winning epic, but we had to watch it in two parts because it was so long, and pretty damn violent for squeamish, baby me. Me and Dad managed this all in one, seven years later

- the opening is… really something isn’t it

- (just found out it was filmed in Surrey. Gutted)

- I got shivers right through to my scalp when he made that first speech to his soldiers that ends with “Brothers — what we do in life echoes in eternity.” Genius (there’s a chance it was because my room is the temperature of the arctic but nonetheless it was very moving)

- I had a foley workshop this morning and my tutor was talking about how foley should be subtle, but often the sounds need to be exaggerated so we’re absolutely sure that what we’re hearing is what we’re meant to be hearing. Likely because I came in with that mindset, they went absolutely ham thick on the foley for the opening battle scene

- “Enough of politics. Let us pretend that you are a loving daughter, and I am a loving father” — the fact that this line was said quite gently by Richard Harris’ Caesar Marcus Aurelius makes it so heartbreaking because there is absolutely no pretence that their family’s relationship is outrageously dysfunctional, and that’s not even getting onto the incest

- Joaquin phoenix is great in this. When he’s told he isn’t going to be emperor he’s like a stroppy kid who just wants to make his dad proud of him and now he’s a psychopath. That scene’s fantastic anyway, I love how the statue of caesar is right on commodus’ shoulder the whole way through, and really oppressive after commodus has killed Marcus Aurelius

- also fun fact about that scene — apparently phoenix was so stressed out about shooting it that he fainted right after they cut

- the little *fwoop* when he flipped the sword over was a bit much and then saying “the frost. Sometimes it makes the blade stick” before slicing the other guy felt a bit too bondy for this but you know what ? I respect the swagger

- there was an absolutely ineffable sense of dread and pure terror when the roman army was approaching maximus’ home and his son was running and waving thinking it was him. I hated that bit

- “those giraffes you sold me. They won’t mate. They just walk around eating, and not mating. You sold me… queer giraffes.” Whoever wrote this deserves every Oscar this film won, and I want it framed in my kitchen

- I enjoy the fact that they could have so easily done a training montage gladiator style when Maximus had been bought by proximo. Instead they took time to get a bit more into his character and for us to meet juba and the other gladiators. We didn’t need to see him training as a gladiator, that’s not what we’re here for. This film isn’t about fighting — sure, it’s got some great scenes in the colosseum which are entertaining to watch, and there’s stacks of gratuitous violence, but I feel in this case it’s warranted because you can’t get away from the brutality of the games in this context. The film itself is more about Maximus as a general, a gladiator, a husband, father and person and how he relates to the ever conflicting idea of “Rome” and the permanent violence it seems to require to keep that idea going under the reign of commodus. Maximus was required to kill in the army, but there it felt like it was for a purpose: to protect the idea of Rome and the emperor and the people that he cares—here he is required to kill just because he is required to kill. That would obviously change the dynamic but it says a lot about his character that he doesn’t seem to have any qualms about killing a person he doesn’t know for the entertainment of more people he doesn’t know and will likely never meet

- when Maximus walks through the cage it exactly mirrors the opening scene and him walking by all his soldiers as they salute him as their leader and I really liked that

- “i did not say I knew him, I said he touched me on the shoulder once” — why does this film have so many relatable lines 

- one of my favourite things about this film is essentially nothing to do with the film itself, and it’s how my dad will yell stuff from it at opportune moments. When I was learning to drive and going round corners, he would say “hold the line” like Maximus does in the amphitheatre. once, when we were climbing up a hill and it got a bit steeper near the top and I got a bit more tired and started to slow, he clapped me on the shoulder, pointed up the hill and yelled “STRENGTH AND HONOUR! HOLD THE LINE! STAY WITH ME!” just to encourage me up this hill and I love him so much for it

- absolutely cannot stand the bit in the chariot fight where the archer woman gets fully sliced in half. Couldn’t deal with it in 2013 and can’t deal with it now

- fun fact this film got the thumbs up thumbs down thing the wrong way round. In the scene where maximus’ identity was revealed to commodus, he moves his hand from a neutral position to his thumb pointing upwards, which means that he is sparing maximus. Often the emperor would use this code to signal to the winning gladiator if they should kill the loser. However, apparently thumb down didn’t mean “finish them”, it actually meant “throw down your weapon”, and the thumb pointing upward was meant to symbolise the sword thrusting up into the loser’s body. However this might also might be incorrect, I have not by any means done extensive research

- “it vexes me. I am terribly vexed.” Another classic dad quote

- just ruminating on ancient rome. Legitimately cannot imagine a worse occupation than being a gladiator. I’m sure if I thought about it a bit more I’d think of worse jobs, but right now, this is the one

- they used… real tigers for the scene with Tigris ??? Not happy about that. First of all, how ?

- I love the constant talk of the dream that was Rome, and the constant talk in tandem of the mob and how fickle they are. There is the dream that is Rome and there is the reality of the fickle mob. They obviously can’t coexist but those everyone we meet wants something better, in some way

- I don’t know if phoenix made a conscious decision about his speech but it really fit with what I said before about him being a petulant child because his speech didn't sound completely developed and reminded me of a child’s speech in how he pronounces certain letters. It adds so much to the character because he is a completely abhorrent person who wants to sleep with his sister and have a pure blood heir, have complete control over the roman empire and kill anyone who comes between his dream of what that empire could be under him. But then at the same time he sounds like a kid who’s not getting his own way

- I do not want a snake in my bed

- ‘“Strength and honour,” Maximus said to Juba. The two men smiled and rested their foreheads together.’ I did beam at this bit

- apparently proximo was meant to live in the original version of the film, but Oliver reed died during production, before all his scenes were filmed, so his character had to be killed. The last shot of him is from the back, so we don’t see his face, and a shot from earlier where he says “shadows and dust” is cut in right before he dies. The film was dedicated to reed’s memory

- OH another thing I Loved about commodus was how he had a white horse, and white armour in the final battle with maximus, while maximus has black armour, which is the standard. Because commodus has such an idea of who he is, and in his mind, he is Rome’s saviour, even though he knows full well he doesn’t have any of the qualities of a good emperor. White is typically the colour used to signify that a character is good, and pure, etc. so I really enjoyed the inversion of that to show commodus’ character and the character he wants Rome to see

- this isn’t a film about violence, it’s about a philosophy

- one last thing is that when I rewatch films to write up these things, I often skip parts because I get the gist of what’s going on and I don’t need to watch the whole thing. With this, even though it was 2 hours 35, I watched the whole thing, and I think that says a lot about how good a film it is

#gladiator #ridley scott #russell crowe #joaquin phoenix #connie nielsen #oliver reed #derek jacobi #djimon hounsou #richard harris #hans zimmer #lisa gerrard #david franzoni #john logan #william nicholson #john mathieson #pietro scalia #academy awards #best picture #best actor #best costume design #best sound #best visual effects #ancient rome #gladiators #commodus #maximus decimus meridius #marcus aurelius #colosseum #lockdown films #lockdown film no. 33