#like actually what the fuck has happened to me my brain is forever altered

[queer-reader-07]

god i can’t find the post but i saw someone say that Samson by Regina Spektor was aziracrow vibes and FUCK ME THEY WERE RIGHT IM LOSING MY ABSOLUTE SHIT RIGHT NOW

“You are my sweetest downfall // I loved you first, I loved you first […] Your hair was long when we first met”

“And the history books forgot about us // And the Bible didn't mention us // And the Bible didn't mention us, not even once”

“Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads”

“Samson came to my bed // Told me that my hair was red // Told me I was beautiful”

LIKE ARE YOU ALL SEEING THIS???

#i’m gonna go lay on the floor in a dark room for a while #probably with this song on repeat #like actually what the fuck has happened to me my brain is forever altered #how is every song i listen to aziracrow vibes i simply cannot #this tumblr blog is a live documentation of good omens going from hyperfixation to full on special interest #anyway have fun with this information sorry not sorry #good omens #aziracrow songs #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #samson regina spektor #crowley #good omens 2

[jewelleria]

I don’t usually talk about politics on here, if ever. But it’s been almost six months since the conflict in the Middle East flared up again, and I’m finally ready to start. Here are some of my thoughts.

I say ‘flared up’ because this has happened before and it’ll happen again. Because, even though what's currently going on is absolutely unprecedented, those of us who live in this part of the world are used to it. Let that sink in: we are used to this. And we shouldn’t have to be. 

But I use that term for another reason: I don't want to accidentally call it the wrong thing lest I come under fire for being a genocidal maniac or a terrorist or a propaganda machine, etc., etc.—so let’s just call it ‘the war’ or ‘the conflict.’ Because that’s what it is. Doesn’t matter which side you’re on, who you love, or who you hate. 

This post will, in all likelihood, sit in my drafts forever. If it does get posted, it certainly won’t be on my main, because I'm scared of being harassed (spoiler: she posted it on her main). I hate admitting that, but honestly? I’m fucking terrified. 

I also feel like in order for anything I say on here (i.e. the hellscape of the internet) to be taken seriously, I have to somehow prove that a) I’m “educated” enough to talk about the conflict, and b) that my opinion lines up with what has been deemed the correct one. So, tedious and unnecessary though it is, I will tell you about my experience, because I have a feeling most of the people reading this post are not nearly as close to what’s happening as I am.

How do I explain where I live without actually explaining where I live? How do I say “I live in the Red Zone of international conflicts” without saying what I actually think? How do I convey the fear that grips me when I try to decide between saying “I live in Palestine” and “I live in Israel”? I don't really know. But I do know that names are important. I also know that, due to the various clickbaity monikers ascribed to the conflict, it would probably just be easier to point to a map. 

I haven't always lived in the Middle East. I've lived in various places along America’s east coast, and traveled all over the world. But in short, I now live somewhere inside the crudely-drawn purple circle. 

If you know anything about these borders you probably blanched a bit in sympathy, or maybe condolence. But in truth, it’s a shockingly normal existence. I don't feel like I've lived through the shifting of international relations or a war or anything. I just kind of feel like I did when COVID hit, that dull sameness as I wondered if this would be the only world-altering event to shape my life, or if there would be more. 

I've been told that, in order for my brain to process all the horrific details of the past six months, there needs to be some element of cognitive dissonance—that falling into a sort of dissociative mindset is the only way to not go insane under the weight of it all. I think in some ways that’s true. I have been terrifyingly close to bus stop shootings when my commute wasn’t over; I have felt my apartment building shake with the reverberations of a missile strike; I have spent hours in underground shelters waiting for air raid sirens to stop. 

But. I have also gone grocery shopping, and skipped class, and stayed up too late watching TV, and fed the cats on the street corner, and cried over a boy, and got myself AirPods just because, and taken out the trash, and done laundry on a delicate cycle, and bought overpriced lattes one too many days a week. I have looked at pretty things and taken out my phone because, despite it all, I still think that life is too short not to freeze the small moments. 

So I'd say, all things considered, I live an incredibly privileged life—compared, of course, to those suffering in Gaza—one filled with sunsets and over-sweetened knafeh and every different color of sand. One that allows me to throw myself into a fandom-induced hyperfixation (or, alternatively, escape method) as I sit on the couch and crack open my laptop to write the next chapter of the fic I'm working on. 

But there are bits of not-normalness that wheedle their way through the cracks. I pretend these moments are avoidable, even if they’re not. 

They look like this: reading the news and seeing another idiotic, careless choice on Netanyahu’s part and groaning into my morning coffee. Watching Palestinian and Jewish children’s needless suffering posted on Instagram reels and feeling helpless. Opening my Tumblr DMs to find a message telling me to exterminate myself for reblogging a post that only seems like it’s about the war if you squint and tilt your head sideways. 

These moments look like all the tiny ways I am reminded that I'm living in a post-October seventh world, where hearing a car backfire makes me jump out of my skin and the sound of a suitcase on pavement makes me look up at the sky and search for the war planes. They look like the heavy grief that is, and also isn’t, mine. 

Here's the thing, though. I know you’re wondering when the ball will drop and my true opinion will be revealed. I know you’re waiting for me to reveal what demographic I'm a part of so that you, dear reader, can neatly slap a label on my head and sort me into some oversimplified category that lets you continue to think you understand this war. 

No one wants to sit and ruminate on the difficult questions, the ones that make you wonder if maybe you’ve been tinkered with by the propaganda machine, if you might need to go back on what you’ve said or change your mind. We all strive for our perception of complicated issues to be a comfortable one.

But I know that no matter what I do, there will always be assumptions. So, while I shudder to reveal this information online, I think that maybe my most significant contribution to this meta-discussion spanning every facet of the internet is this: 

I am a Jew. 

Or, alternatively, I am: Jewish, יהודית, يَهُودِيٌّ, etc. Point is, I come from Jews. And, like any given person, I am a product of generation after generation of love. 

I'm not going to take time to explain my heritage to you, or to prove that before all the expulsions and pogroms, there was an origin point. If you don’t believe that, perhaps it’s less of a factual problem and more of an ‘I don’t give weight to the beliefs of indigenous people’ problem. But, in case you want to spend time uselessly refuting this tiny point in a larger argument, you can inspect the photos below (it’s just a small chunk of my DNA test results). Alternatively, you can remember that interrogating someone in an attempt to make their indigeneity match your arbitrary criteria is generally not seen as good manners. 

Now, let’s go back to thathateful message (read: poorly disguised death threat) I received in my Tumblr DMs. I think it was like two or three weeks ago. I had recently gained a new follower whose blog’s primary focus was the fandom I contribute to, so I followed them back. I saw in my notes that they were going through my posts and liking them—as one does when gaining a new mutual. Yippee! 

Then they sent me this: 

I tried to explain that hate speech is not a way to go about participating in political discourse, but the person had already blocked me immediately after sending that message. Then, assured by the fact that I surely would never see them complaining about me on their blog (because, as I said, they blocked me), they posted a shouting rant accusing me of sympathizing with colonizing settlers and declaring me a “racist Zionist fuck.” Oh, the wonders of incognito tabs.

Where this person drew these conclusions after reading my (reblogged) post about antisemitism…. I'm not actually sure. But I greatly sympathize with them, and hope that they weren’t too personally offended by my desire to not die. 

For a while I contemplated this experience in my righteous anger, and tried to figure out a way to message this person. I wanted to explain that a) seeing a post about being Jewish and choosing to harass the creator about Israel is literally the definition of antisemitism and b) that sending a hateful DM and refusing to be held accountable is just childish and immature. But I gave up soon after—because, honestly, I knew it wasn’t worth my effort or energy. And I knew that I wouldn't be able to change their mind. 

But I still remember staring at that rather unfortunate meme, accompanied by an all-caps message demanding for me to Free Palestine, and thinking: the post didn’t even have any buzzwords. I remember the swoop of dread and guilt and fear. I remember wondering why this kind of antisemitism felt worse, in that moment, than the kind that leaves bodies in its wake. 

I remember thinking, I don’t have the power to free anyone.

I remember thinking, I’m so fucking tired. 

And before you tell me that this conflict isn’t about religion—let me ask you some questions. Why is it that Israel is even called Israel? (Here’s why.) Why do Jews even want it? (Here’s why.) But also, if you actually read the charters of Islamist terrorist organizations like ISIS, Hamas, and Hezbollah (among others), they equate the modern state of Israel with the Jewish people, and they use the two entities interchangeably. So of course this conflict is religious. It’s never been anything but that.

But I do wonder, when faced with those who deny this fact: how do I prove, through an endless slew of what-about-isms and victim blaming, that I too am hurting? How do I show that empathy is dialectical, that I can care deeply for Palestinians and Gazans while also grieving my own people? 

There's this thing that humans do, when we’re frustrated about politics and need to howl our opinions about it into the void until we feel better. We find like-minded souls, usually our friends and neighbors, and fret about the state of the world to each other until we’ve gone around in a satisfactory amount of circles. But these conversations never truly accomplish anything. They’re just a substitute, a stand-in catharsis, for what we really wish we could do: find someone who embodies the spirit of every Jew-hating internet troll, every ignorant justifier of terrorism, and scream ourselves hoarse at them until we change their mind.

But, of course, minds cannot be changed when they are determined to live in a state of irrational dislike. In Judaism, this way of thinking has a name: שנאת חינם (sinat hinam), or baseless hatred. It's a parasite with no definite cure, and it makes people bend over backwards to justify things like the massacre on October seventh, simply because the blame always needs to be placed on the Jews. 

So when a Jew is faced with this unsolvable problem, there is only one response to be had, only one feeling to be felt: anger. And we are angry. Carrying around rage with nowhere to put it is exhausting. It's like a weight at the base of our neck that pushes down on our spine, bending it until we will inevitably snap under the pressure. I’m still waiting to break, even now.

I wish I could explain to someone who needs to hear it that terrorism against Israelis happens every single day here, and that we are never more than one degree of separation away from the brutal slaughter of a friend, lover, parent, sibling. I wish it would be enough to say that the majority of Israelis (which includes Arab-Israeli citizens who have the exact same rights as Jewish-Israelis) wish for peace every day without ever having seen what it looks like. 

I wish I could show the world that Israel was founded as a socialist state, that it was built on communal values and born from a cluster of kibbutzim (small farming communities based on collective responsibility), and that what it is now isn’t what its people stand for. 

I wish the world could open their eyes to what we Israelis have seen since the beginning: that Hamas is the enemy, Hamas is the one starving Palestinians and denying them aid, Hamas is the one who keeps rejecting ceasefire terms and denying their citizens basic human rights. Hamas is the governing body of Gaza, not Israel. Hamas is responsible for the wellbeing of the Palestinian people. And Hamas are the ones who are more determined to murder Jews—over and over and over again, in the most animalistic ways possible—than to look inwards and see the suffering they’ve inflicted on their own people. I wish it was easier to see that.

But the wishing, the asking how can people be so blind, is never enough. I can never just say, I promise I don't want war. 

When I bear witness to this baseless hatred, I think of the victims of October seventh. I think of the women and girls who were raped and then murdered, forever unable to tell their stories. I think of the hostages, trapped underneath Gaza in dark tunnels, wondering if anyone will come for them. I think of Ori Ansbacher, of Ezra Schwartz, of Eyal, Gilad, and Naftali, of Lucy, Rina, and Maia Dee, of the Paley boys, of Ari Fuld and of Nachshon Wachsman. I think of all the innocent blood spilled because of terror-fueled hatred and the virus of antisemitism. I think of all the thousands of people who were brutally murdered in Israel, Jews and Muslims and Christians and humans, who will never see peace.

My ties to this land are knotted a thousand times over. Even when I leave, a part of me is left behind, waiting for me to claim it when I return. But when I see the grit it takes to live through this pain, when I see the suffering that paints the world the color of blood, I look to the heavens and I wonder why. 

I ask God: is it worth all this? He doesn't answer. So I am the one, in the end, to answer my own question. I say, it has to be. 

Feel free to send any genuine, respectful, and clarifying questions you may have to my inbox!

EDIT: just coming on here to say that I'm really touched & grateful for the love on this post. When I wrote it, I felt hopeless; I logged off of Tumblr for Shabbat, dreading the moment I would turn off my phone to find more hate in my inbox. Granted, I did find some, and responding to it was exhausting, but it wasn’t all hate. I read every kind reblog and comment, and the love was so much louder. Thank you, thank you, thank you. 🤍

Source Reading

The Whispered in Gaza Project by The Center for Peace Communications

Why Jews Cannot Stop Shaking Right Now by Dara Horn

Hamas Kidnapped My Father for Refusing to Be Their Puppet by Ala Mohammed Mushtaha

I Hope Someone Somewhere Is Being Kind to My Boy by Rachel Goldberg

The Struggle for Black Freedom Has Nothing to Do with Israel by Coleman Hughes

Israel Can Defend Itself and Uphold Its Values by The New York Times Editorial Board

There Is a Jewish Hope for Palestinian Liberation. It Must Survive by Peter Beinart

The Long Wait of the Hostages’ Families by Ruth Margalit

“By Any Means Necessary”: Hamas, Iran, and the Left by Armin Navabi

When People Tell You Who They Are, Believe Them by Bari Weiss

Hunger in Gaza: Blame Hamas, Not Israel by Yvette Miller

Benjamin Netanyahu Is Israel’s Worst Prime Minister Ever by Anshel Pfeffer

What Palestinians Really Think of Hamas by Amaney A. Jamal and Michael Robbins

The Decolonization Narrative Is Dangerous and False by Simon Sebag Montefiore

Understanding Hamas’s Genocidal Ideology by Bruce Hoffman

The Wisdom of Hamas by Matti Friedman

How the UN Discriminates Against Israel by Dina Rovner

This Muslim Israeli Woman Is the Future of the Middle East by The Free Press

Why Are Feminists Silent on Rape and Murder? by Bari Weiss

#palestine #israel hamas war #israel hamas conflict #hamas #on war #essay writing #personal essay #rant post #stop terrorism #israel #writing #palestinian lives matter #jewish lives matter #jewish and proud #jewish identity #jewish muslim solidarity #on grief #on religion #antisemitism #anti zionisim #purim 2024 #chag purim sameach #judaism #israeli palestinian conflict #am yisrael chai #kvetching #jumblr #the post that turned my blog into an anti-antisemitism blog

[madneywedding]

*flails into your inbox*

wtf

what the fuck

what the ACTUAL FUCK!?!!?!

was that episode!?!?!?!

*external screaming but very quietly because everyone else is sleeping*

I was gonna liveblog the episode to you but got too caught up to do so

I'm not into The Bachelor so I was assuming this was some fake copycat show. But no. That was the REAL host of The Bachelor???? Wild! But hey, at least it's a paycheck! (Chimney was killing me with the attempts to film Joey for Maddie and Josh. I love Josh so much XD)

Athena's plot[s?] were both so heartbreaking. I want to hug Harry forever! And that poor woman, too.

Okay now for Buck, Bothered and Bewildered (and bi!)

NGL, I get secondhand embarrassment pretty easily, so there were a few times I fast-forwarded through Buck's attempts at getting Eddie's attention. He's such a dork tho, I love him so much! And I felt so bad for Buck AND Eddie when Buck (accidentally?) hurt Eddie. Glad it's not a bad injury, and that Chimney was there to help.

At least things ended well! That ending, good god I was NOT PREPARED!!!! The whispered scream that I scrumpt! The "I cannot believe THAT just happened!!!!" and other "!!!!" thoughts in my head!!! like! That happened??? THAT HAPPENED!!!!!! Tommy's bright smile (I've gotta say, I was not expecting a Tommy redemption, but I don't mind it in the least), Buck's dazed expression, like that happy and mildly confused "did that really just happen?" expression-

the legitimate TEARS THAT I CRIED!!! AND I AM NOT A CRIER!!!!!!!

Rae, I'm dead. I've died I'm dead that episode KILLED me!!!

-TWS Anon

i really wanted to reply to this with something insightful but my at the moment my brain is just 'evan buckley is bisexual!! evan buckley is bisexual!! evan buckley is bisexual!!' on a loop so i just wanna say that i'm also dead and i've died and i'm dead and THAT EPISODE KILLED ME TOO!!! i have my college classes to go to and responsibilities to take care of but i haven't been able to function like a normal person since april third and i think my brain has been fundamentally altered as a consequence of the bucktommy kiss. evan buckley is canonically bi...what a world. WHAT A WORLD!!

also several of buck's actions this ep had me side-eyeing him HARD bc. you know. Yikes. but i have to admit that i've never loved him more than the scene in the gym where he was trying to get eddie to notice him. what a pathetic wet cat loser of a man. i adore him 😅💕🥰🫶🥹

#and the fact that it aired on the 10-year anniversary of captain america: the winter soldier too? i will never ever recover #(btw i did read the rest of your ask but rn my brain is just BI BUCK) #answered #anon #tws anon

[yikes-strikes-again]

i guess i forgot that as a childhood valve enjoyer, i actually knew a lot about Half Life just by Gamer's Osmosis... you simply could not be a Aperture yuri understander and not also know their yaoi rival Black Mesa... you could not play gmod without being haunted by the ghost of hl2.exe in windows task manager... you could not play tf2 or l4d or source at all without experiencing bang bang bang hit bang tink bang hit hit bang ting bang bang because of Uncle Crowbar's influence... and do i even have to mention The Forbidden Number. lol. cant believe i literally played every valve game as a kid except the most famous ones (well, and counterstrike. (the boring tf2)). and even then... freeman's mind still happened to me. Fuckinggggggggg

but then at some point i DID have to play Portal 1, so i got it on the famed personality-altering Oranged Box at age 11. After I beat it I stared at the game select screen for a long time, and decided to fire up hl2 out of curiosity, though i didnt like not having played hl1 (Child brain needed to Enjoy Media in Order). I apparently experienced something before getting yaoi'd by manhacks, failing to shoot moving things with an xbox controller, and saying No for another nine years. But those weird people I met in that dirty building did go somewhere inside my head forever.

now i am 20 years old in the year 3 P.H. (Post-HLVRAI) and i'm forced to admit that everyone was right all along for memeing That Number because your gamer girlfriend in hl2 is just that epic, as is that based cop impersonator who has too many crowbars for a bachelor and can apparently die if you're incompetent enough. And don't even get me started on the scientists. Gigachads. What i'm trying to say is the memes were right and not exaggerated at all. I'm listening. I'm learning. The gamers were fucking right

#i had like four emotional breakthroughs in episode 2 and have now written my weight in fanon speculation #also black mesa was an awesome remake #cant wait to play the blue shift one #half life #i'm having reflective gamer thoughts this wednesday mornjng

[dracotheocracy]

CONGRATULATIONS DIPSHIT! YOU HAVE WON ONE FREE PASS TO TALK ABOUT A BLORBO FOR BEING MY FRIEND!

oh yeah let me just pause that ska cover of no children. engage's release reawakened (<- intentional wording) an old demon you are in for a treat

once upon a time in 2018 or 2017 idk time is fake i played a game called fire emblem awakening and my brain chemistry was altered forever. i got particularly attached to the avatar protagonist (read: character you're supposed to project onto despite being a more or less fully realized character) who's some person named robin. yes, i have had category 7 adhd moments about two characters named robin and you can make the argument that it happened back to back. sue me etc

fun fact i did the math, i've watched every single support conversation with robin in it multiple times. there's 43 characters in awakening according to my notes and because robin is an avatar they get a support chain (4 conversations but we're calling it 3 because i never watched most of the S supports) with every character in the game. across two genders and assuming that i included spotpass characters which i in all likelihood actually didn't, that's 252 conversations that each take 1 or 2 minutes to get through, or about 4 hours of content for one session of watching every single robin support.

point is i know a lot about the character and am so normal. so so normal i promise

now i can tell when i've taken a couple facets of a canon character and sprinted off into the sunset with them. absolutely, without question, i did that here. so robin's story potential in a setting where awakening could be better written contributes a normal amount to why i like the character so much. i'm just gonna talk about why

in short, the deal with robin fire emblem is that they woke up in a field with no memories and as it turns out that's probably for the best because they're the child of the high priest of the religion centered around reviving the BBEG, and also they carry the blood of the BBEG in them and can get possessed by it. and the BBEG wants to bring about the apocalypse also important note. in the original awakening timeline robin befriends chrom (mortal enemy by blood) and later betrays and murders him before being possessed by grima BBEG and bringing about the end of the world. it's also worth noting that chrom and robin have chemistry they're not just a popular ship because they're both major characters i really love chrobin and i do also fluctuate between reading robin as aro/ace and bi because like, look. maybe i'm projecting a little but disregarding the S supports because they have to write the C-B-A supports as almost entirely nonromantic due to how awakening's matchmaking mechanics function they really do strike me as married to the grind in a way that's pretty aro of them tbh

there's a part of my brain that sincerely believes they would not have gone the amnesia route if robin wasn't meant to be an avatar protagonist (they're a deuteragonist until act 3 but who's keeping track really (me. i am)), and if they had not gone the amnesia route awakening would have been a lot cooler, because the mortal enemies by blood thing would've been on the table way before halfway through act 2. it's a very good source of emotional conflict for both robin and chrom though i imagine chrom wouldn't really discover this information until the middle part of act 2 or potentially act 3. there's a lot of different ways to write robin in this scenario that are SO COOL AND INTERESTING also like on the one hand robin could be completely on board with the infiltrate the shepherds and kill chrom before ascending to satanhood bit but gradually become genuine friends with a lot of the shepherds and realize "oh what if... what if this is all really fucked up actually and i don't want to bring about the end of the world" there is so much potential in that, alternatively robin starts already wanting out of everything the grimleal stand for and has to grapple with knowing their time with the shepherds is not built to last, or at least thinking that, because you know they're the child of the high priest of a cult that is extremely influential in their home country, they would've grown up entrenched in certain rhetoric about the state of the world and their place in it. if robin's character arc was about cult indoctrination and escaping that it would FUCKING BANG! IT WOULD GO HARD AS HELL! and you don't have to ditch the wider story theme about defying destiny and how people are made strong by their relationships even a little bit to pursue that because adding that element in would synergize perfectly with the broader theme already

either way if robin wasn't an amnesiac it would create some fantastic points of tension in the story if handled properly because a) ylisse (good guy country) and plegia (grimleal bad guy country) have a very poor relationship politically for a good though severely underexplained reason, which either gives the shepherds a reason to be very wary of robin at first or gives robin a reason to be very wary of the shepherds at first depending on how you're playing out the prologue. as an aside frederick should have recognized robin's outift as that of a grimleal worshipper it's a stupidly minor detail that i will die mad about. b) idk i feel like the stuff that happens with robin in act 3 where they for real get possessed and forced to betray the shepherds a few times would hit more like a freight train if there was more context, mostly because i think it would affect robin a lot more knowing the amount of effort they had to put into to getting this far and distancing themself so much from grima only to succumb to something outside their control just by getting within like 20 feet of their dad or something idk c) if you go the covert enemies to found family route i don't think robin can be normal about that and it sets up for a potentially really fun confrontation about robin's motives that would have to happen in the late game after the character has progressed in the optimal direction for it

also they fit the bill for a [mars] character very well like i would play a character with that sort of personality and that sort of backstory in a TTRPG campaign and that's the condensed way to describe my blorbo formula. i've said this before but i like playing characters that are just some guy personality-wise, both robins fit the bill for that but m!robin a little more cause yeah i don't play a lot of women in TTRPGs and the [mars] character formula for women is a little bit different. not by a lot mind you but eh. generally though yeah sure they're a very shrewd tactician and pretty good at reading people from what i remember, their accomplishments and backstory in-game might make them seem larger than life but you know in reality they're a generally pleasant person albeit a bit sarcastic and prone to social blunders that are mostly benign. like as a character both robins are more grounded than a decent portion of the cast and my gimmick as a player and as an enjoyer of characters in silly media is going for the most grounded characters. you know like you could very believably meet someone like that in real life. anyway i'm a fan of characters that are hypercompetent in a specific field and at least a little dorky outside of that. robin is a hypercompetent dork so it's perfect

#trashfire media containment breach #but maaarrrsss! #that-house #started answering this ask at around 11:15pm. finished writing it at 1:15am. this took me 2 hours. #this post is almost triple discord's character limit btw i love how long you can make tumblr posts

[hazzabeeforlou]

Hi, I’m Toni.

Got a slew of new followers and I’ve been almost inactive the last half a year (at least) so wanted to do an update/intro so you know who I am LOL and so my long suffering fandom besties know what the fuck’s been going on (if anyone still cares rip sorry it’s been forever)

Currently writing this from my sick bed of ear cellulitis? That I got from wearing my mask? It would literally only happen to me. Had to go to urgent care and get a butt shot of antibiotics so it didn’t, you know, spread to my bloodstream :)

Anyways I say that to say that I probably got sick in the first place because I’m incredibly run down right now. The classical music world (im a professional musician) FINALLY opened up again, and to meet gig demands I only work my pandemic retail job once a week. I have been traveling the last four weekends in a ROW, which, due to my chronic pain (which has seen SOME improvement over the last year!!) makes me super duper exhausted and I have to admit tik tok has been getting most of my brain numbing time.

Life post-happy drugs has been tough. I’ve seen improvement in the areas I wanted to, physically, but mentally god. Drugs were nice. Anywho, I’ve done a ton of witchy/ancestral connecting/herbalist kinda things the last six months, and I now have an alter and a spiritual practice that has really brought me a lot of growth and meaning. It’s hard healing from your past when you’re still living IN it… and there’s no improvement with my parents. They’re still homophobic as hell and Republican as fuck, despite screaming matches. The threats of physical violence prevent me from confronting my dad any further. I’ve kind of given up hoping they will ever change.

It’s funny though, I would classify this year as the year I started to “feel” things, and of course that happened physically post the drugs, but also emotionally once I started to let myself FEEL emotions, god what a train wreck. Who knew humans could CRY so much? That emotional revelation led to the probably overdue realization that I’m likely Autistic and high masking, and have been suffering from that classic 30’s wall that “gifted girl high masking autistic children” eventually hit wherein they are no longer able to just push through and ignore. That’s been tough.

Writing has always been how I process and understand emotions, and now that I’ve started to actually FEEL them, it hasn’t become as essential to my functioning as it had been the last six or so years. I miss it, and I plan on finishing all my projects I left behind… as I’ve said many time The Garden part 3 IS coming I promise lol. But! Hopefully. And no promises. But I have the most delightful Christmas fic tucked into my head that I would love to publish this year, if I can find the time to get it on paper.

Okay as for fandom… I did a “growth thing” earlier this year and deleted all the bbygate stuff I’d been saving for the inevitable end. I just can’t anymore. All the photoshop, the blatant exploitation of it all… yeah I think the best option is just not to care. If they’re gonna drag this out for the rest of my life then I’m going to ignore the shit out of it. Speaking of ignoring, I also noped out of the H and O nonsense. God. What a MESS. I liked HH, truly, but the fave for me was Matilda. To be honest with you all, I listened until I grew naturally full of the album and I moved on with my life, it wasn’t world changing to me the way FL was. HOWEVER. FITF? Lord save me i didn’t even know it was coming out and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m fucking obsessed. I’m planning a MP. I genuinely think it’s Louis’ finest work and I can’t get enough of it. Every time I listen I like it MORE. I theorize it’s going to be a slow blooming album that smacks everyone’s expectations in the face. I’m so fucking proud of Louis. I bawled real ugly tears at Common People.

And lastly as always, I believe the boys were in love but I make no claims about their lives now. I enjoy the hints and speculation and love larrying along, but I think they’ve established these personas that are bulletproof to fan speculation these days, and I feel that’s how they truly want it. And that’s cool, won’t stop me from writing Larry because it was the truest gayest baby Star crossed lovers story out there and still makes the best fan fic.

Apologies for the novel but nice to meet you if you’re new HI I’M TRYING TO BE BACK to my old chums, and feel free as always to talk to me, my ask box is always open ❤️

#mine #personal #hiiiiii guys

[katelynsimpsince2016]

I never liked the forced marriage part of the mcd story because a: gross but also b: I could never figure out how to explain my thoughts on what happened after because Fenrir going from “prince who can’t do anything because he’s also being forced into this” to “guy who blames the woman who was almost forced to be his bride for the death of the people at his wedding even though it was 100% her companion and she SAVED HIM FROM HIM but of course gotta make another antagonist” enraged me

Literally just let Laurence admit that what he did was not the right thing but he thought it was his only option. Have fenrir admit that yes, he blames aphmau and laurence for the deaths but understands that Aphmau was at no actual fault and that Laurence was only trying to protect himself and his friends.

Instead, from what I remember: Fenrir wanted aphmau mauled before she was brought to him and if it would make her suffer worse, he’d make her marry him. He went from victim to even worse than his dad. Like why?? That was such a good opportunity to show that actions that can be even somewhat justified are still going to leave harm. Laurence was trying to protect the people he loved and himself. Yes, there was a genuine threat of death, and yes, Laurence was one of the people at risk, but those werewolves still had families and Fenrir had to watch the death of his father and a massacre.

i could talk about this storyline forever and that is exactly what i am going to do. i was genuinely obsessed with it i drew a million scene redraws and came up with a detailed idea of what i think would’ve happened before diaries was cancelled.

i personally really liked the storyline in season 2,, it’s insanely fucked up but it’s so enticing as it felt like a genuinely terrifying and stressful situation because,, there’s like,, no way to get out of it without shit hitting the fan. aphmau is locked in a bedroom until the wedding,, laurence is stuck in a jail cell,, only being let out to be humiliated by the king and to see the wedding and katelyn. katelyn literally has no idea what’s going on and was probably kept in a cell far away from laurence so he couldn’t fill her in on anything. the wedding scene altered my brain chemistry in so many ways,, it’s ingrained in my mind. literally iconic. i think it’s because it’s the first sign that laurence is beginning to go down a dark path. it’s the first time he transforms into his shadows knight form and his possessiveness towards aphmau amps up from this episode onwards.

about his actions specifically i don’t really blame him for what he did because what else was he supposed to do?? if he simply transformed,, grabbed aphmau and bolted then they would’ve had guards chasing after them and with the king still alive they would’ve most definitely been hunted - assuming they would’ve even escaped. obviously him massacring half of the wedding attendees was awful but him shoving the king off the cliff was kind of understandable. the guy deserved it.

NOW FENRIR,, he’s complicated. looking solely at what we’re shown his want for vengeance against APHMAU OF ALL people is baffling. it makes no sense how he solely wants to kill her. it completely ignores how the two of them bonded over their horrible situation and the fact he disliked his father. i understand that no matter what you’re parent has done seeing them die,, especially in such a gruesome way,, is devastating and i think fenrir wanting revenge makes sense. but like you said it would’ve made most sense for him to be partially angry at aphmau for “betraying” him (in his mind) but mostly at laurence as he was the one who slaughtered his people and his father. my personal interpretation of fenrir’s actions in season 3 is the cycle continuing. his desire to have aphmau mauled and to invade the phoenix capital makes him arguably worse than his father. he’s continuing the obsession and lack of rationality that his dad had. he even wants to still go through with the wedding. i think his misconstruing of the facts to fit his motives and feelings about what happened further prove this. he’s spiralling,, literally dedicating the past three years of his life to hunt down aphmau. you’re supposed to see how messed up this is and how far from truth his point of view is. obviously it’s unlikely jess intended this but i like my interpretation better.

i also wonder how his mother fits into this. she too was horrified and upset at her husband’s death but in the moment,, she still chose to help laurence,, aphmau and katelyn escape. i feel like maybe she would’ve been able to stop fenrir in season 3 if laurence apologising to him didn’t work. would’ve liked to see how she felt about how much her son had become like her husband and maybe that could’ve been what brought him to his senses. once he realised that he had become like the man he despised the most he would’ve given up on his rampage for revenge.

i’ll probably make a post about my scenario about what i think would’ve happened in season 3 but i’d rather not add it here because this is already a monster of a post lol

#also people always forget that katelyn was being hunted down as well #fenrir wanted to kill ALL THREE OF THEM #again the wedding scene is burned into my mind and i think it’s a work of art #aphverse #aphblr

[anxietyprime]

Welcome back to Anxiety Prime! Where I talk about my anxiety and just shout it out on here and hope it helps. It usually does, so here we are.

My brain is not in a good place right now, I've been sick for close to 3 weeks and finally feeling better the last few days. I dunno if just being sick or the additional meds and fucked up my mental state, but my anxiety has ramped up more; and the intrusive thoughts are back and it's been really difficult lately. My parents were both in the hospital last month and life has just not been going well lately.

Like I worry about being derivative of myself in my story I'm writing; because I wrote a one off line in the main story that I am now trying to fit in with one of the character's history. It just feels like this is what happened before with the character's son, now I want to do it again with the character's grandson? It seems repetitive and I dunno if it would bring anything to the story. I think I'll try to find something to make it flow better, whether I have to alter the event, the line, or exactly what happens. I kinda want to be done with writing this character's history because I've been writing it all year and it's been taking forever, I mean yes I barely write when I do take the time to write so yes it does take forever, because I make it take forever. It doesn't need to if I dedicate more time to it. The good part is all this history of this one character has world built most of the universe and now these broader concepts just need some fine-tuning to them.

Being sick and unable to help my family has made me really stressed out, because I don't want to get them sick. And some hard stuff has been happening and everyone has just been stressed out lately. It's been so bad some of my calming techniques I learned from Therapy haven't been working lately and I worry that I might have more mental health issues. I don't care for the intrusive thoughts and the little voice in my head telling me to hurt myself or cut off parts of my body. I don't know if this is dysphoria or not but it certainly feels like it. Like I still haven't figured out if I am bisexual or not, if I'm Non-binary or trans. Like are these thoughts a representation of my hatred or anger built up or are they just the voices in my head trying to mess with me.

I might have schizophrenia, but it might be just a lot of stress lately and there are so many things that I want to do and I'm just not doing any of it. Being sick for almost a month fucked over so much progress I wanted to do and that I couldn't do and I think that stress has built up waaay too much and I haven't done anything to relieve it. It's why I was having major anxiety and panic attacks. That me actually making progress the last couple days has actually helped me out immensely.

I also have to break these dark connections in my mind that connect to these intrusive thoughts, so they don't have a way to return. I probably need to talk to my therapist or take up meditation.

Also, in other thoughts about being Non-binary or LGBT+, I need to be sure about the whys on why I think I am, because I feel like I have a complex about wanting to feel special, and by being Trans, Non-binary, or Bisexual I would become a type of special again, because I have lost things that have made me special. I need to get over this complex, accept who I am, and not become something for an arbitrary reason; but for a real reason.

Other complexes I have involve not being over Ex-girlfriends or a girl I was pining over who hurt me emotionally. I need move past them to grow, I need to let go them; and any hope of getting back with them, because they aren't the people I fell in love with or thought I was in love with anymore.

Just writing down these thoughts have really helped and I remember looking back at my old journal entries thinking boy I was crazy and now I'm thinking maybe I wasn't as crazy because I got the crazy out of my head and onto paper or you know digital paper lol. Maybe writing out these serious and dangerous thoughts will help me move on and grow as a person and become more so the thoughts and voices can be less dangerous to me.

Also, my DMs are open, if you are struggling like I am; I wouldn't mind trying to help. Thanks for reading and I hope for improved mental health in the future for us struggling with it now.

#Anxiety #Anxiety Prime #Mental Illness #Mental Health Awareness #Mental Health Matters #Mental Health #mental heath support #coping #burnout #Depression #ADHD #bipolar disorder #mental issues #mental wellbeing

[cetoddle-archive]

what do you write? :) ofc you dont have to share your work if that makes you uncomfy but i’d love to hear what kind of themes/genres/topics etc and what formats you like to write in!

this is so sweet of u to ask me abt my writing im kicking my feet and giggling rn (〃ω〃) i mentioned a little bit in a reply 2 one of my posts but

putting this under a read more cause anon has effectively opened pandora's box and i have a lot. to say at u 👍🏻

i really only write horror fiction stuff and my brain is forever altered so i usually write in second person just cause that's what feels natural for me :') i like to do pov switching a lot so i will switch from povs within one section- basically a chapter with smaller mini chapters inside if that makes sense

i have a lot of different ideas and projects that i work on but usually when i talk abt my writing i'm talking about my big main project that's i've been working on for 3 years now? but recently i've been working on it more. i've affectionately nicknamed it stray cat club cause of. all the cats. it's still a wip and i have trouble summarizing it cause there's a lot going on and honestly idk which parts are even most important or worth mentioning

it follows three characters most of the time- an anxiety riddled cryptozoology journalist looking for a good story while trying not to fucking die while discovering who they are as a person, a teenage cat girl who isn't actually a cat but sure acts like one who's trying to find her mother after she goes missing while simultaneously try and behave at school so as to not get kicked out despite the horrors, and an ex policewoman turned paranormal detective who's trying to solve a decades old mystery and accidentally uncovers a government conspiracy in the process. they all end up working together eventually and there's a lot of other shitty characters like the sexy demon lady who kinda just kills people in violent and graphic ways cause she's got nothing better to do, the graverobbing morally gray scientist who can't even cook a frozen pizza, a fire mage vampire with anger issues that keeps losing her personal belongings, the teenage daughter of an incredibly affluent family who misses school a lot and there are rumors of her being a witch but it's not like magic is actually real, right and some other assholes of equally questionable caliber

the idea is that all the main characters are working on their own shit and end up meeting each other, realize they can all help each other and in fact are stronger together, and then. then they do that. the setting is also important. it's a city that's kind of infamous for being a paranormal hotspot with lots of haunted locations and cryptid sightings and reports of black magic rituals going on in the woods surrounding the city. and the residents are kind of divided- some people like the reputation and lean into it while others think its stupid and gives their beloved city a bad name, this kind of progresses as the main character plots go along but it does play a big role in stuff that happens later on

idk if there are rlly any specific themes i focus on other than fuck cops and nothing is stronger than the power of friendship. i mostly just like an excuse to write gory scenes and body horror ┐(￣▽￣)┌

i'd mention some of my other stuff but this is already rlly long and i'm sure only like. maybe two ppl care. but yeah this is what i'm working with rn :') like i said it's a wip so the ideas are still kind of vague and messy but as i actually write i get a better vision for what i wanna write hehe

#this is a lot and i am sorry *sweating* #like i've said it's kind of a mess and i'm bad at explaining things.. #i feel shy even sharing this much hehe....but even if it sounds like a shitty hot mess it gives me something to do and i'm working on it #every day :3 #asks

[darkdansdarkestdays]

"In search of a female virgin, huh?" I assume that's your work as well? Fucking hilarious. Damn, must I be constantly tortured by these stinging examples of the caliber of woman that has forbidden my mere ATTEMPT to position myself to one day act as a companion...jeez beauty, brains, and don't forget, folks, she's also a laugh a minute.....the trifecta, right? I must confess, though, to being slightly confused as I first assumed you had become angry with me for something I had said that you deemed "disrespectful" but, if you were the driving force behind the dating app stuff, that indicates something different entirely. Be that as it may, I feel much better than earlier. While I would like for you to speak to and treat me like a friend (cuz even though I can't really say we were, as I'll demonstrate, and as you know...not every piece of everything in this year's long game, of sorts, was my doing. Wanna disagree? I don't know what your memory status is these days-i am guessing fine, but read on) and sit down and speak to me.....or, at least do so on the phone, but give up forever on attempting to see that desire come to it's fruition. I am not going to begin my long promised summary of the occasional weird ass happenings related to you that continued occurring, very infrequently, over a period of years despite absolutely nothing seemingly being positioned to have prompted them, but will refer you, briefly, to an miniscule incident that immediately followed what was easily my least favorite of the 4 "events" that I can recall....I suppose I have to take the lion's share of the blame for the fact that you will never want to be my friend....But, it was this incident that, in all likelihood, kept us from ever getting together...in fact, you blocking me from every piece of tumblr real estate you possess (I am impressed with my ability to always immediately find your blogs even the ones without a description, though...little warm fuzzy to myself in a sea of cold pricklies....sometimes you just gotta take what's there) Anyway, your actions last night--the blocking, followed by, basically "fuck off forever. Move on." were devastating to me, for real...only an unexpected epiphany has relieved horrible doldrums...Anyway, and don't this all you want...It's true, though. Last night was, roughly 1000x more productive for us than that night on 2011, I think. You didn't hzvr to tell me to get out of your life, then....I was way ahead of you on that idea. But, it was afterward, the following morning, or afternoon, when you posted z random Facebook message that was pointed out yo me by Eliot Evans, I think...it said something to the effect of "who are you to judge thd life I lead..." (Which I had yet to do, at that point) although the viewing of the message is actually what pissed me off more than anything because it helped to support my suspicion], unproven, that you originally wanted to see and speak with me that night...I recall....nevermind. details later....Anyway, what I should have realized, at the time is that we are far too different to ever be in a rekationship......I haven't admitted this to myself, I was under the misconception we might know one another then eventually decide on things like this, but, you are right: I want nothing to do with a relationship with you....because I don't believe you are willing to alter your current routines in any way shape or form and there I'd no way I would ever be okay with it.....heartbreaking for you, I am sure. I could list all of the reasons, but it is not that monogamy on a strict level would be required....but, eh you know what? It doesn't matter. ...and, you don't want jack shit to do with ne so, that's it, I suppose. I will be as accurate and respectful as I can in my last posts

[justtogetthrough]

My mom is here for the week and tonight, night #1, when I tried to escape to my room to lie down and exist in silence she came and sat in my window and kept talking to me. In the process, DID came up and I mentioned my first ex had it and she as like oh, how did you know, and I was like lol because one of her alters was 6 and it was really fucking obvious when the 17yo in front of you began acting and presenting like a child in every way possible and then would talk about the blood coming from her long deceased mom's head being warm in present tense?

My mom was like. Did her mom actually die? I said yes, she shot herself in front of my ex and it created an alter stuck in that moment. That I had to keep crayons and a colouring book available for at my apartment after my group home kicked me out because I had no idea how to entertain a small child or what to do when alters appeared because I was still a teenager myself and had no experience with anything like this.

My mom had other questions and I was basically like, *presents an overview of the extreme abuse this girl suffered starting as a baby and continuing to the time we dated, it never ended* and this is why that was the 🙌 most 🙌 fucked 🙌 up 🙌 relationship I've ever had and I was only 18 and it was my first relationship ever, and there I was being traumatized both from direct harm by this girl who treated me like absolute shit (understatement), and the vicarious trauma from x, y, z of her ongoing abuse.

My mom cried and was like .....I had no idea. I'm so sorry you went through that.

I grimaced and said "yeah, there's a lot you don't know."

And now I'm here realizing that for the last 13 years, my mom has had NO IDEA why I have been absolutely crippled by ptsd for all this time, that she has had no comprehension of any of the horrific shit I went through with that girl. Idk what she's been telling herself these past 13 years while I have extreme and debilitating symptoms of diagnosed ptsd. like. What did she think happened to make me like this? The things I told her tonight were just like... regular day to day stuff. That was just, being alive in the same space as this girl. That doesn't even come near the actual ways she maltreated me and ruined my brain and nervous system forever. I agree that that all was a horrifying experience for me as a teenager, and very traumatizing, but that wasn't even the abusive parts that gave me what psychiatry now calls "severe" ptsd lmao

It's wild to think of how few people actually know the horrors I carry with me.

My family legit all pitched to buy me security cameras for my house last year because even after 13 years I'm still hypervigilant as fuck and never feel safe. It was really touching how supportive they were in assisting with that, but I realize now that none of them actually know why I feel so unsafe and scared all the time. I don't think a single person in my family knows why I have debilitating ptsd that has made me government-certified disabled.

Wild.

#no wonder you had so much sympathy for (ex step sister who was a child my mom felt abused by) #i never knew you went through that #yeah when would it have come up? when you wouldnt let me come home after the group home kicked me out to try n protect me? #the years following? #tonight at dinner when we were talkimg about my work in child welfare she made a comment about #i was like ............i stll have sympathy for her and i still love her with all my heart even though we dont keep in touch much #why is it weird that i took the side of a child in an abusive situation lmao #personal #cw suicide #actuallytraumatized

[obeymeluv]

You Steal the Boys’ Clothes

Something I’ve been thinking of for a while.

Lucifer

It was rare the eldest was without his cape, as everything seemed to be a formal event and he must be dressed to impress. Being dressed to impress, however, means being clean so he gets it cleaned from time to time

Lucifer is a very organized, practical man. Constantly towing the line of obsessive for the sake of orderliness.

He knows where his cape should be, and that it’s not there

With a demon’s-only screech that warns Mammon to stretch his calves and run, Lucifer hunts down the three most likely suspects to interrogate them (Mammon, Satan, and Belphegor).

He tries to get a two-for-one by dragging Mammon into the study where Satan sits smugly with a book (because he knows he didn’t do it but MAN is he enjoying this!)

Imagine surprising not one, but THREE demons when you come shuffling down the hall with a Lucifer’s cape wrapped around you like a blanket.

It whispers and it drags and it absolutely DROWNS you.

Very charming. Ethereal, almost like some sort of wedding wear

Lucifer would’ve never imagined you’d be the culprit, and now his poor brain is trying to save and process the idea of you looking so sleepy-happy in his clothes

And the ex-angel falls all over again.

He catches the little cheek nuzzle and way you bunch it around your body, a foot poking out not to get tangled

Satan and Mammon will probably die laughing instead of at his hands, but Lucifer could really care less

Lucifer idly wonders where you’d curled up that he totally missed you, and escorts you gently but red-faced to your room

Satan and Mammon tag along, and when they see Lucifer come out with his cape they can only deduce he put you to bed.

Mammon

With no homework to do and some money in the bank, Mammon was ready to spend the weekend tearing up the town with you!

He was fresh out of the shower and mostly dressed, searching feverishly for his beloved white and brown jacket

Mammon wasn’t the cleanest person by nature (hello, money hoarder and collector of interesting/valuable things) so he tidied up as he went

As he started to suspect one of his little brothers was holding the jacket for ransom, he sent out a group text asking about it

There were several typical smart-ass responses (Lucifer, Asmo, and Satan) and he was in the middle of a snark fight when you showed up at his door somewhere between bashful and chill

In HIS jacket

Mammon’s brain shuts down.

HIS baby in HIS jacket? HELL YEAH! OH GOD, IT’S TOO PERFECT!

FIEND, TAKING HIS HEART!

“It’s kind of a human thing,” you explain. “There is a one-jacket fee among couples. Usually it’s a hoodie.” you tease, reluctant to shrug it off, “But this seems to be your only jacket so I guess I could give it back.”

It’s very subtle, but he’s worn that jacket for centuries and no amount of detergent can disguise the scent that makes his heart skip a beat

Something about the smell of your skin and a hint of his has him purring

You hold the jacket out to him. Mammon wraps his fingers around it and swings it around until he’s holding it over one shoulder

The yellow takes over in his eyes a little more. Gets a little brighter and intense.

“You want to take anything else off?” he husks playfully

Your day out turns into staying in and Mammon is happy to trade his jacket for a shirt you can sleep in (like, forever. It’s fine. Whatever, dummy.)

Leviathan

It was actually really hard to steal Levi’s clothes because he lived in his hoodie and turtleneck. His RAD uniform was really just for show and that wasn’t what you were looking for, anyways. You didn’t want to chill in uniform.

He was very particular about his merch because certain shirts were collector’s items and he didn’t like people messing with his folding patterns

You went to Asmo with your dilemma and he found it absolutely ADORABLE. It was almost enough to make him jealous, really

Somehow (Asmo being Asmo?), the fifth- born was able to swipe one of the green button-ups Levi wore under his RAD uniform

His first thought was to alter the garment to make it fit you (matching outfits? YES!) but Levi would probably kill him. His big bro hated shopping for clothes unless he HAD to have them.

Asmo gets the bright idea to magically/temporarily alter the fabric to fit you. Maybe Levi will like it so much he’ll just give you a shirt! 💖 (Or get some fucking outside time and go buy more shirts!)

Levi catches his own scent somewhere outside of the door and his brain goes off. He hits the pause button at lightning speed.

No one else smells like him! They haven’t shared bath products in centuries! He already finished his laundry so what’s happening?!

His first thought is: Mammon broke into my room while I was in the bathroom and stole something to pawn!

Levi doesn’t even think to take inventory of his stuff, barging out of his room to hunt down his big brother

He’s yelling and whining before he even sees him. Then he sees you. In his shirt.

All the angry words die in his throat as the absolute mortification and adoration sets his face on fire

SO KAWAII! It basically makes up for your normie-ness.

Levi’s stuck standing there, blushing his head off and unable to say anything as his fists shake with joy and nervousness

He gets a nosebleed. One of his brothers are laughing at him.

You guide him back to his room to take care of him, Levi lets you and becomes very fascinated with the idea of you in his clothes .Lots of petting and figuring out you look DOUBLY MEGA CUTE when the magic wears off and you’re just in a pool of fabric.

He’s totally down for matching clothes and definitely lets you keep the one you’re wearing.

Satan

His wardrobe is very...interesting...to say the least

Colors and personal combinations aside, Satan actually has a very smart wardrobe. Lots of basics and easy layers.

You can’t steal his signature green sweater or the blazer he seems to live in, so you settle for an emerald knit sweater that has a bit of a v-neck/university feel to it

It takes Satan a while to notice, as he’s buried in a book. You two tend to gravitate towards each other and just enjoy a cozy, companionable silence

He’s just finished a book and is debating cracking open one from the stack to his left when the color catches his eye

The smooth, sly comment dies on his lips when he realizes he likes the damn thing because IT’S HIS

You look very cozy and warm. It’s a very ‘cuddle me’ kind of look.

Perhaps you could warm his lap? Or give his poor hands a rest under the hem?

Very cheeky and clever. Grabs you by the sleeve of it just to ‘answer his curiosity about whether it matched his nails’.

Does he have a cute university student kink? If he didn’t, he does now?

There’s a 50-50 chance of you guys having sex.

Will definitely want to hold you and cuddle you close, petting the fabric and whispering compliments into it.

If you don’t already have a business/academic attire, Satan will definitely suggest a few pieces because YES. This is a thing he loves and it DOES things to him.

Asmodeus

He’s the type to let you think you stole something

Probably stages what he wants you to steal just so you take it

Honestly, I could just see him dumping some of his clothes on you because you’re dating now and this is a cute thing he read about!

It’s super likely he’s into couple outfits or coordinating outfits, so he’s either spent time in his closet pre-planning or asked you to try on a million things just because

This cutie pie purposely orders THE BIGGEST thing he can find so you can both fit in it at the same time

Asmo loves you to pieces no matter what, but seeing you in his clothes makes him squeal and hit a note Mammon has threatened to murder him over

Ever dramatic, this is like, THE BEST THING EVER

A MILLION Devilgram posts about it (safe ones, of course)

Do you guys spark a couple’s trend and spade of lover’s stealing each other’s clothes to snap a victory pic? Maybe

Probably fake faints at the sheer glory of you in HIS bomb ass clothes. Definitely fans himself

Spoils you rotten with compliments

This man is weak. “Gorgeous! Smother me.” as he falls back on the bed and gestures to his face

He won’t turn down the idea of sexy times (depends on your libido, comfort, etc.) but sometimes he makes raunchy jokes just to be funny. Smothering could also mean using him like a body pillow (which he’s totally okay with).

You get max cuddles and WILL be the envy of Devilgram

Beelzebub

Beel felt a little guilty for leaving you at the House of Lamentation with his brothers

You guys were supposed to hang out after school but there was an emergency practice. The coach always got pre-game jitters and demanded a few last runs. He showered and ran back to the House, hoping you still had time for him.

He tiptoed quietly into his shared room, unsurprised to find you waiting there for him. You’d been caught in Belphie’s sleepy little aura by the looks of it,

Beelzebub couldn’t help the grin or little hum that made it past his lips. Your eyes were open but he didn’t know if you actually saw him. You looked super cute in his humongous bed though

You were getting sleepier and sleepier, your eyelids getting heavier and heavier. Beel pulled the sheets over you and gentle untangled the arm you managed to latch on to

Maybe waking up to a bit of food would make up for everything! Beel toiled away in the kitchen, making a cute little snack tray for the two of you.

In reality, it could probably feed at least twenty, and he ate at least half of what he prepped.

Beel returned to the room with what he considered a decent amount (scraps, kind of, but enough variety! He tried! It’s the thought that counts!) and was surprised to see his sheets all tangled and half-kicked from the bed

You were wearing his jacket now, passed out and turned into the furry lining that usually went across his shoulders and neck

DId you sleep walk? He was trying to understand how you’d gotten into his jacket

Beel realized it was the first time you’d been in his clothes and it was enough to make his heart melt

Super huge on you, obviously (extra fabric everywhere), but so cute! He could basically swaddle you in his jacket

“They’re a restless sleeper,” Belphie yawned. “I thought it would help them calm down.”

It used to work on Belphie, so Beel could see why he resorted to it

Beel offered his twin some food, sitting carefully on your other side.

He shifted some of the parka fur away from your face, trying to fix your hair and nudge your chin up so your nose wasn’t buried in anything. He stroked your cheek a little, mesmerized by the sight of you and how you felt.

Belphie declined, muttering something about, ‘Stop looking like that and eat your food! Gross!’ before Beel settled for patting your head one last time and eating quietly

Belphegor

He’s another one that’s hard to steal from

You’d think it’d be easy since he sleeps all the time, but Belphie really only wears 10% of the clothes he buys

Yes, he’s a pajama snob and has all things comfy and cozy, but hardly any of them smell like him because he falls asleep anywhere with little issue (no special clothes required!)

You thought about stealing his blue cardigan with the pocket, but he’s always sleeping in it!

Belphie picks up on your train of thought, and the frustration, because you fall asleep thinking about it. Dreaming about coyly stealing his cardigan and being all cute and snuggly in bed

It’s enough to wake him up, shuffle to you, and break your sleep. He flops down on your bed with his cardigan unbuttoned and says ‘climb on’ while patting his chest

You’re obviously sleepy and confused and he loves it. Belphie slides you onto his chest and wraps his arms around you, resting bits of the fabric on your back as you settle into him

It’s not the same but it’s close enough

Would you be offended if he got you cow pajamas so he could snuggle you like his favorite pillow? He falls asleep wondering about the answer

He wakes up to see that Beel has covered the two of you with his favorite blanket.

You in his blanket? Against him? Slowly smelling of him and his clothes? It’s the best thing to fall asleep to.

Makes a joke out of your clothes-stealing quest by stripping one of his pillowcases off and putting you in it like a little sack. You have to stay on his bed now because you’re his pillow and all pillows stay on the bed.

“What? You wanted to smell like me! It’s something I use!“ Belphie defends as you wonder whether or not you like this human pillow thing while he snuggles you.

#Obey me! #Obey me! x reader #Lucifer x reader #Mammon x reader #Leviathan x reader #levi x reader #Satan x Reader #Asmodeus x reader #asmo x reader #beel x reader #Beelzebub x reader #Belphegor x reader #Belphie x reader

[stickynotestoletters]

Yandere BNHA Boys pt 2

Okay, this is a continuation of the first yandere ones I did because I wrote that in basically a night and was too tired to do more, I'm probably gonna post some after for the pro heroes and villains if I have time, I might finish those on the weekend then post it.

This is just a bunch of headcanons I have about the boys in BNHA and what they’d be like as yanderes. Only the really fluffy or good things about them listed here. Neither of these works are a good depictions of a real yandere and make sure to be careful to identify yandere traits in real people around you. It’s a very dangerous world and stay safe!

sorry if you were waiting for me to come out with these and I literally took forever lol, link to the first one is here. It's basically just me comforting myself with the sweet things that I think they would do as yanderes.

Warnings: Brainwashing, blood, gore, death, trans headcanons, body dysmorphia, nonbinary they/he Sero, they/them pronouns + nonbinary headcanons for Tokoyami, he/they nonbinary headcanons with Shinsou, a little NSFW because if I don't specify then they are aged up (around 20-25 is where I imagine the timeline that they actually captured you and have a hero carrier going for them already), manipulation, regular yandere things, kinda just turns into dumbass horknee headcanons at some point after Shinsou (sorry lmfao), objectification

Sero Hanata

so basically the first time they saw you they immediately wanted to come up to you

they love to give you back hugs because once you stop trying to fight them he's gonna be so honored you finally trust him

Big time slut [non-derogetory] for you

Likes to have an apartment that's high up, probably a secured penthouse with lots of windows

If you're afraid of heights they will get a ground bed for you two, they would also vibe with a low hanging hammock if you allow it

they really really like just putting you on a custom made leash, not inherently in a sexual way just in general likes to have it look like that with their tape on you at all times

they really really like it when you come to them for hugs and comfort

If you're a trans reader, if you want a binder he will get you one as soon as you ask, cried when you told him about it.

they cried way more than you though...

Was very accepting as an nb person as well

they custom made you a tape binder of his

Kinda as a joke but high key felt like they were gonna combust at the thought of you wearing that for them

Takes you to pride but you cannot speak

only takes you to pride after they are 1000% sure that you're not gonna speak to anyone but them

Takes you to it as a part of their float because they'd been invited onto the Hero Float

You are in a costume that's exactly like his, helmet and everything, you aren't allowed to be looked at

After that though, it's gonna be your choice to go or not to go

they trust you a little more after you run away from some assholes though and after that sometimes lets you take your helmet off during pride, you have to give them a lot of kisses though

When/if you ever consider any type of surgery he is 110% on board

they demand that you have to have it performed by someone who has done this a million times before, trusts no one else

If there's a way for you to go through it without the surgery they're excited but he's more excited if there is surgery because they love the idea of you being so cuddly and clinging to them for their comfort

Tokoyami Fumikage

haha they're in love with you

like, intensely in love with you the moment they first meet you

Dark shadow thinks you're adorable but says nothing more about their obsession with you

when you met them before UA they absolutely cannot handle being around you in a 10-foot radius

Eventually, though they do try and become a friend of yours

After that, it's a hop on the manipulation train, my dude

they basically make you see them as your savior from a mean uncaring world

they love talking to you about things that make you happy and loving you in little ways

hugs, hand holding, a lot of time it's just a little peck (haha) on the cheek

they love living with you though, like really love it

they like baking and making dinner for you

but especially baking

like really, baking

the manipulation they use makes it seem like everything is okay when you only talk to them so that's what you do and to you, it seems so much better than anything you could do

they haven't come out to you by the time you come out to them so your trans journey really helps them figure things like that out as well

The first time you explain that gender is a made-up construct they're like "yeah......isn't that how everyone feels? Like, not a gender????" we love this for them

you both kind of heal each other through this process

they like seeing you when you're most comfortable so they get you as many binders as you need

also gets you a custom binder like Sero but with feather designs, not like stupid printable patterns but something that is soft and the softness isn't feathers it's regular fluffy cloth

idk I'm not a designer that's why I gave up and became a writer lmao

they also get you a compression corset because they're emo

if there is surgery it takes a lot of time to convince them

they don't ever want you to regret anything they helped you with so it takes a lot of long-winded conversations about it

there was a lot of nervousness on their part because (this is just my headcanon) they were almost convinced to get surgery to construct their face to look human-like

they had a lot of their family tell them that, because of the way they looked, they had less of a chance to become a hero, they were immensely traumatized by this and thus wants to make absolutely sure you were okay with this

but when they finally find themself comforted by you about it it happens quickly and in the safest way you could possibly imagine

Shinso Hitoshi

Shinsou didn't want to approach you at all, he was so scared you'd run away or tell him he's a villain

they always thought that they weren't good enough for you

he loved you but you needed to say hi first

and you did

so he whisked you away

they like to just brainwash you into tasting certain types of food when you're craving them instead of just getting you food

he likes to talk to you in a voice like he would talk to a kitten, not like husky or anything sexy, but something cute and adorable

especially when you're brainwashed and can't say anything to him

He likes to give you lots of soft stuff like I'm talking pillows upon pillows and squishmallows

once he gets his own house they get it in a place that's more comforting in the dark than in the light

they really like the dark and outdoorsy vibe anyway so if they choose a place somewhere in the forest to keep you what's the added bonus if no one can hear you scream?

a little bit of spice; he has this whole a/b/o fantasy (idk it's his vibes that he'd read that fanfic and stuff lmao) and kinda treats you like you were an omega

sometimes if you guys do have sex they'll brainwash you to act like an omega or once he's more experienced with bodily manipulation involving their quirk they'll make you do all of the......omega things

when you come out to them, if you're trans, they're definitely gonna not care

like if you need comfort and stuff about it they will not make a big deal about it

he legit is like "okay .....can I still fuck you or?????"

HE JUST GIVES OFF REALLY HORKNEE VIBES OKAY?????

definitely brainwashes you into not feeling dysphoric anymore though

like loves it when you come up all sad to him and uncomfy just to ask them to brainwash you

he melts over you cuddling them after those times though

if you want surgery they're gonna make sure that it's between him and the doctors that y'all are there

like no one knows you're there, completely off radius, in and out like nothing (he's basically a cryptid in the woods by the time you guys have the surgery, so they wanna make sure no one questions it)

Monoma Neito

bold of you to assume that man can express literally anything when he wants to just sit you on his lap and look at your pretty face

love at first sight taken literally but not in a shallow way

he loves just having you around him

kinda treats you as an accessory at times, talks like you're a purse or something and people don't really comment but it's really freaking them out sometimes when you don't speak up on it

likes to say he's the only one to understand you cause he's afraid you'd leave him

a hardcore fan of collars though

definitely has lots of jewelry that represents him even though you don't go out he still loves the idea of it

big time cook

loves providing for you, never lets you do a damn thing other than watching pre-approved cartoons and hobbies

absolute fucking disaster about hugging you

always has to be touching you

he thinks you're so fucking gorgeous and body worships you even out of the bedroom

if you're trans he will definitely be weird about it at first

he's just diet transphobic

he's not denying it but sometimes he's like "Are you sure???" and stuff

he clears this up with the help of you being pissed enough to not eat or talk to him until he apologizes

he then educates himself on it and comes to the conclusion that he was in fact being an asshole

talks to you about binders and stuff like that

doesn't really believe in surgery, he would never allow you to do that just because it would be too painful for him to see you go through

he instead literally searches the whole fucking globe for a person with a body-altering quirk to make sure you don't get hurt

he seeks out homophobes, transphobes, and other dumbasses on the regular just to kill them like literally it just started out for your approval but now it's just for fun

Anyway, the villain one (if I do it) will probably become just horknee brain rot cause I am a slut. Request some stuff and I'll try to put up some works if y'all want ig.

#yandere bnha #yandere #bnha #bnha fanfiction #BNha x gnreader #gn reader #nb tokoyami hc #nb sero hc #nb shinsou hc #sero hanata #hanata sero #Sero #tokoyami fumigake #fumikage tokoyami #tokoyami x reader #tokoyami #shinsou hitoshi #hitoshi shinsou #shinsou #shinsou x reader #sero x reader #monoma neito #neito monoma #monoma #monoma x reader #bnha trans reader #x trans reader

[frenchie-sottises]

ADDICT Animation Thoughts.

HEY, WANNA LEARN DRUGS?

This is me not having doing one of these review sort of things in a while. I’m kinda swallowed in the love for the newest animation for Hazbin Hotel, so I’mma do a review on it.

Yeah, I’m talking about the whole music video for the song “ADDICT”.  Yes, it’s a song I freaking LOVE and will probably sing it to the ceilings for the rest of the week.

I actually had no clue there was an animation being produced for this song. I thought it was a good fan song and it was just gonna be left like that, but no, the person, and team, decided to make a video for it.

Okay, first off, can I just gush over how much I freaking love this thumbnail?? It’s done by Arielle Somerville, and even though this doesn’t have Cherri included, who takes up the second verse and I’ll talk about that in the minute, she definitely gets the message across that this video, and song, is mostly about Angel himself. I especially love the reflection on the pole, showing Valentino, who showed his face in the comic that’s supposed to be a prequel to the actual pilot. I also love the expression on Angel’s face. To me, it spells utter hatred for Valentino, and why shouldn’t he?

I’m sure most people who like Hazbin Hotel have seen this vid, so I don’t think I need to put a spoiler warning. Instead of explaining what happens in the video, I will break down the actual song and what comes to mind when I hear the lyrics and see the imagery.

Til death do us part, but we're already past that phase. This is a brand new start, and I think I deserve some praise

I will forever love this shot.

for the way that I am. Despite having overdosed, and ending up comatose.

I don't give a damn, I've let my emotions go- Fuck being a sober hoe.

The first verse is fairly clear about what happened to him before and after he died. Angel states with the whole “Till death, do us part” that now that he’s in Hell, he’s starting anew. He then further states that he should “deserve some praise” for the way he is despite the fact he “overdosed” and “ending up comatose”. While it IS confirmed that Angel died via PCP overdose, PCP can cause anything from organ shutdown (lungs and kidneys specifically) to seizures and coma. It’s not exactly clear what specifically killed him, but if I had to guess: organ shutdown. Specifically respiratory arrest since the oxygen is crucial for sustaining the brain.

He then, like typical Angel Dust, sings about not giving a damn, which makes sense since cause, y’know, it’s Angel. He claims to have let his emotions go and “fuck being a sober hoe.” PCP is.. odd when it comes to the psychological effects of it. PCP can block NMDA receptors, which are responsible for pain sensations, memory function, learning, and yes, even emotions. However, it can also cause anything from euphoria and calmness to anxiety and violence depending on how much is taken and who is using it. I’m not an expert, so I don’t know what’s specifically causing such contradicting results. (If someone does know PCP back to front, I’m giving you the shot to put your two cents in.)

This is the mantra, this is my life you're playing with now til the end of the night. Surrounded by fire, the passion ignites, a hit of that heaven and hell, a helluva high!

We then hit the bridge. Angel walks towards the moth in the thumbnail named “Valentino”, and yes, I got plenty to say about him later, and tells him he’s playing with Angel’s life “til the end of the night.” I don’t exactly know what he means by this since Valentino is Angel’s boss and we all know it’s not some one-time thing. He then sings about being “surrounded by fire” as “the passion ignites” and “a hit of that heaven and hell.” Heaven and Hell, huh? I believe he, himself, knows of its effects. (I’m not calling him stupid/oblivious, but sometimes the effects of these sort of drugs tend to be underestimated when it comes to what they can actually do.)

I'm addicted to the madness. This hotel is my Atlantis. We're forever gonna have a fucking reason to sin. Let me leave my soul to burn and I'll be breathing it in. I'm addicted to the feeling. Getting higher than the ceiling. And we're never gonna want this fucking feeling to end. Just concede and give in to your inner demons again.

Angel, along with Cherri, sings about how he’s “addicted to the madness.” I mean, he did have a casual conversation while happily killing Sir Pentious’s minions. He then makes a reference to the lost city of Atlantis, a city that was said to be inhabited by people who were half-man/half-god and created a utopian civilization.. basically the hotel is an “oasis” of sorts to flee from his current situation. Of course, being in a place called Hell, he states how there will always be a reason to sin and that he’ll leave his soul to burn and breathe it in. I mean, it’s Hell, you can’t fault him for thinking that, and, if you know a thing or two about Hell, once you’re there, have fun getting out, so you might as well leave your soul to burn and breathe it in. Of course, Hell is a lot uglier than this, but we’re talking fictional characters here, so there’s gonna be some rule bending.

He then repeats the first line of the chorus, but it’s slightly altered. He’s “addicted to the feeling” and “getting higher than the ceiling”, which is probably referring to the drugs again cause, well, you know. Of course, like how drug abusers become drug abusers, he doesn’t want this “feeling to end”, so he takes more angel dust to keep this feeling going. He then says to “concede and give in to your inner demons again.” Concede means to “admit after resisting or denying”, so Angel, at some point, was resisting, or denying, the situation he was in, but after either fighting it/denying it for so long, before or after death, he accepted that he’s fucked up and gave in to his inner demons.

I also love this shot.

After a few seconds of awesome music, Cherri gets her time to shine.

Yeah you fell in love, but you fell deeper in this pit. While death rains from above, so count your blessings cause this is it.

You're not letting it go, so what if I misbehave? It's what everybody craves.

You already know, so come if you're feeling brave, and fancy yourself a mate.

Cherri seems to have suffered an abusive relationship before as she seems to use past tense for whoever she’s referring to. "Yeah, you fell in love, but you fell deeper in this pit.” Whatever it was, it’s not something that can be made up for. She then says “While death rains from above, so count your blessings cause this is it.” I don’t exactly know what she means by this. Technically, they’re both dead and in Hell, so I don’t think whoever this man is has had his soul destroyed.. mainly because of what she says later. However, as death does what death does best, she’s telling him to count his blessings as this is it. I don’t know what she means as we don’t actually know that much about Cherri to begin with, so it’s more of a hit or miss kind of game in this playing field. She doesn’t seem to have any grudges against him, or at least doesn’t act like she does. I know somewhere down the line that our “protagonists” will have to face their problems, but I’m not sure what Cherri has in store for a man she seemingly got over.

However, it may be over for her, but she states that it isn’t for him by telling him that he’s “not letting it go.” She continues by asking “so what if I misbehave?” and then following that up with “It’s what everybody craves.” She makes it seem like he couldn’t handle her overly energetic attitude. It may also suggest that Cherri, along with her use of bombs and how much she seems to love blowing up shit, may be emotionally unstable. While yes, she may be kind and friendly to Angel, but he’s just a friend, I don’t think he’s anything more.

It doesn’t stop there though, whatever it is, she tells him he already knows, so come if he’s feeling brave and fancy himself a mate. Mate is often referring to a lover, but could also mean friend or someone for a one-night stand. Again, since we don’t know much about her, these lines could mean anything.

You want it? I got it! See what you like? We could have it all by the end of the night! Your money and power.. my sinful delight! A hit of that heaven and hell, a helluva high!

The bridge doesn’t do much in terms of explaining what’s happened to Cherri. While yes, it’s definitely explaining something, we don’t know what that something is. We can only guess at the moment.

Cherri tells whoever this man is that if he wants it, she’s got it. She then teases him with “See what you like? We could have it all by the end of the night!” The whole “end of the night” has now been said on both sides. It could mean about the similar situations between them. Heck, it might be why they’re friends to begin with. Nothing brings people together more than having similar experiences.

Then, and I don’t know if this is me, Cherri’s voice seems to tone down slightly when saying, “Your money and power” before kicking it back up with her smiling and saying, “my sinful delight!” The animation may support this as everything tones down, except the music, as if she’s reminiscing. She then follows it up with the line that leads into the chorus. As far as I know, she isn’t taking drugs, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be addicted to certain habits. *cough, cough* Blowing shit up. *cough, cough*

We then hit the chorus again. The chorus before introduced Cherri into the video, but now it’s being sung by both on the same stage and in the same building: the same one Cherri decides to blow up as they both sing about their respective situations. There isn’t much to this other than the fact that it feels more of a wrap up on explaining their current states.

Of course, those who have listened to the VIP version knows there was an extra verse sung by Angel, which was included at the end of the video.

I'm addicted to the sorrow when the buzz ends by tomorrow. There's another rush of poison flowing into my veins, giving me a dose of pleasure that resides by the pain.

I'm addicted, I'm dependent. Looking awesome, feeling helpless. And I know I'm raising Cain by every highway in hell. Maybe things won't be so terrible inside this hotel.

I.. don’t know where to begin with this. I had to go back several times because there’s just so much detail in every scene. Everything from seeing Travis getting kicked in the face to the cigarette that Angel threw in the ash tray looking like a heart.

I think I’ll start with what I think might be going on.

Angel, more than likely, is still in an abusive relationship with Valentino, who I will ramble about in a few. I’ve seen a few who’ve said that he isn’t, but I don’t think he managed to break it just like that. He is the one who told the audience to give in to their inner demons after all.

As far as Cherri goes? She’s become an addict to her own habit of blowing stuff up for fun. While yes, she’s seen blowing stuff up that is about/for Valentino, with a habit that’s become an addiction, I don’t think it’s gonna be very specific.

Of course, I could be very wrong about Cherri. She is seen blowing up a sign that literally says “ADDICT.”

So maybe she has broken an addiction of hers and is stronger than I give her credit for. Maybe that’s also why she’s coming to the hotel, cause she also said the hotel is her Atlantis, so it’s probably a hint that she’s gonna be added later.

Speaking of Cherri...

I love her solely for this.

While they aren’t exactly ideal people, they are, almost, ideal friends. Whenever one struggles, the other comes to help. Angel helped Cherri fight off Pentious while Cherri is here comforting Angel as he goes through his abusive relationship with Valentino. (She also helps with, again, blowing up anything that belongs/is for Valentino. Ridding imagery of an abuser will bring some ease to the victim’s life.) I say “almost” as they don’t go about it in the tamest of ways.. though I understand why people would come to defend what Cherri did. If nothing stops them from fighting and taking land, then nothing would stop Cherri blowing up a billboard or two, especially if it’s Valentino.

I think it’s time I’ve rambled about Valentino and the relationship he and Angel have, SO HUGE WARNING, this is gonna mention sexual assault/rape.

Valentino... I know I’m right when I say that just about everyone in the Hazbin Hotel fandom absolutely hates this fucker.

I can’t tell you how many people have made jokes about it already. Who wouldn’t hate him? I can tell you right here, right now, that moths, because he’s a moth, are my favorite insects. They’re fluffy, amazing to look at, and can make for some nice character designs. However, I have not once found myself being fond of Valentino. He has a great design, but that’s about it. He may not be real, but I’d strangle him too for not respecting Angel’s boundaries.

Like

who

the fuck

aRE YOU

TO DO THIS??

My god, it doesn’t even stop here. This was pretty tame. I have a feeling not many know what was actually shown in the mirror when Angel was in his room.

Yeah, I don’t need to tell ya. I mean, I hope that’s not what’s happening, but Valentino IS one of many of the overlords of Hell, so who knows how twisted he is. It looks like he’s just holding him in place and just glaring at him through the mirror as he probably monologues about some bull about Angel being his and whatnot, but this is Hell and tame can just go out the window.. that and Valentino is literally fucking drooling.

As a final note, I’m pretty hyped for whatever Vivzie and her crew have in store for this series. I’ve seen the pilot, I’ve read the comic, and now I’ve seen the music video, all have been great.

I can’t really guess on where Vivzie’s gonna go with this whole story. I’ve always learned that Hell is an inescapable place, so I’d expect that Hazbin Hotel will be about Charlie hoping to rehabilitate people to go to Heaven only to find out that there’s no way out. Maybe it’ll be about how Hell doesn’t have to be some horrible place for nothing but pain, but a place to finally try and fix your problems so they don’t control you in the afterlife.

However, Hell has one issue: the overpopulation and extermination. It’s why Charlie opened up the hotel to begin with, so maybe the plot is far more clear cut. It is a fictional world. Technically the Hell most people think of is nothing really like this. It’s just an eternal fire pit where you’ll suffer physical pain over and over. However, Vivzie’s take on it is far more abstract. It seems Hell is where you’re put into situations you wouldn’t want to be in. Angel seems to want love and have fun, but is instead stuck with someone abusive and what he finds fun has been turned into work, both of which he hates.

In the end, I’m really loving Hazbin Hotel’s story as a whole. I love the fact Angel got some more depth to him. I’m looking forward to what’s in store for Cherri and the others.

P.S.: You wanna know the irony to this? I love moths, but most spiders I hate. However, I’m here hating Valentino, a moth, while having a fondness for Angel, a spider.

I’ve never had something like this happen to me before and it’s one of many reason why I love Hazbin Hotel.

#Frenchie Rambles #Hazbin Hotel #Angel Dust #Cherri Bomb #Valentino #Frenchie Screenies

[theultimatefanficwriter]

Pride Month Headcanons!

So its Pride Month! And as a proud member of the alphabet mafia I wanna give my opinion on all the Danganronpa characters' sexualities! So let's go, starting with THH!

Trigger Happy Havoc

Makoto Naegi- Pansexual. I'm under the belief all protags are Pan. Transgender(ftm). So I have this whole hc that the reason his door was jammed was that the lock was quickly removed when they found out SHE was actually a HE and I just like the hc lol.

Sayaka Maizono- Straight. I just think she has a big thing for Makoto, but other than that she cares for her career more than a relationship.

Leon Kuwata- Bisexual, heavy female leaning. I ship him with Hiro, but honestly this fucker would probably take forever to admit he likes guys.

Chihiro Fukisaki- Gay. Dont really have a reasoning. Just my opinion lol

Mondo Oowada- Bisexual. He mentions trying to confess to girls, but come on. This guy is fruity for Taka.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru- Gay. This dude meanwhile is just straight homo. He's probably closeted in fear it would bring shame to his family name again.

Hifumi Yamada- Straight. I honestly dont think about the guy enough to give this enough thought, but the way he simps over Celeste proves he likes girls at least. Plus he kept calling Alter Ego she, so...yeah.

Celestia Ludenberg- Straight. Honestly I think she'd be homophobic? Idk i really dislike Celeste, sorry 😅 She just gives me those vibes.

Sakura Oogami- Bisexual. I wanna label her as lesbian, but Kenshiro exists 😒 Women leaning possibly

Kyoko Kirigiri- Bisexual. Though i dont personally ship her with any girls, I can see her going both ways.

Byakuya Togami- Gay. And it's a problem with his family, so he's closeted.

Yasuhiro Hagakure- Pansexual. He just wants to love someone, man lmao.

Aoi Asahina- Bisexual. Again, wanna label her as lesbian, but the Bad End exists, showing she willingly got with three guys. And she does ask Makoto to pretend to be her bf. But she leans heavily towards females imo.

Toko Fukawa/Genocide Jill- Bisexual. It was straight until she met Komaru. Then she realized "Oh shit. I'm gay." But she still has a small thing for Byakuya ig 😒

Mukuro Ikusaba- Straight. We pretend the thing with her sister doesnt exist, alright?

Junko Enoshima- Straight. And definitely homophobic.

Wow a lot of bi peeps lol. Alright, onto the next game!

Goodbye Despair

Hajime Hinata- Pansexual. Again all protags are Pan. Fight me, prove me wrong you literally cant.

Ultimate Imposter- Panromantic, Nonbinary, Asexual. Though I call Imposter he a lot, I think it's almost canon they're nonbinary. I just have stupid brain and type he first without thinking. I also dont really have a reason for thinking they're asexual? I just think they are. But they're probably panromantic in order to fit their talent better.

Teruteru Hanamura- Pansexual. He's so painfully pan. He even says his options are, and I quote, "pretty open." Dis bitch gay.

Mahiru Koizumi- Lesbian. Dont think I gotta explain myself.

Peko Pekoyama- Bisexual. She's totally dating Fuyuhiko, but I can see her having small crushes on other girls.

Hiyoko Saionji- Lesbian. Also dont think I need to explain myself.

Ibuki Mioda- Bisexual. RAGING bisexual. Also I can honestly see her being Gender Fluid as well.

Mikan Tsumiki- Bisexual. She honestly needs therapy more than she needs a relationship, and she probably doesnt really understand her own labels completely, but I think shes bi.

Nekomaru Nidai- Bisexual. Homeboy was a little TOO eager to be rubbed down by Teruteru 😏 Just kidding, though I do think Nekomaru is bi. No real reason honestly

Gundham Tanaka- Bisexual. He obviously has a thing for Sonia, and in a perfect world(i.e. my perfect world) he would be holding hands with Kazuichi daily. Speaking of holding hands he basically breaks Hajime's in the FTEs. Gay 🥰

Nagito Komaeda- Gay. He's very obviously gay coded, mostly towards Hajime though I dont personally ship that.

Chiaki Nanami- Pansexual. She loves everyone equally. Honestly she probably doesnt put too much work on her labels and would probably go by any pronouns as well, so maybe Gender Fluid?

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu- Bisexual. Like Leon I think it would take him a while to accept he likes guys, and he probably leans towards girls more, but he's definitely fruity lol.

Sonia Nevermind- Pansexual. Our girl fucks. She dont care who, she just FUCKS. 🤣 But seriously, I think she just sees love as love. As she should.

Kazuichi Souda- Gay. Transgender, (ftm). He's so very closeted, so badly even he doesnt recognize it. He probably even has internalized homophobia, probably because of his father. Not sure why I hc him as trans, I just think it fits.

Akane Owari- Straight. She probably doesnt think about it much. All she knows is she likes fighting, meat, and Coach Nekomaru.

Alright and onto the last game!

Killing Harmony

Shuichi Saihara- Pansexual, Transgender(ftm). Its. THE RULE. I didnt make it. Sue me. Also fuck it I dunno I think it fits with his whole character if he were trans. Hard to explain lol

Rantaro Amami- Biromantic, Asexual. I admittedly dont know much about Rantaro, but from what I do know, I think he would fit well with just about anyone. I dont have much of a reason for him being Ace.

Kaede Akamatsu- Pansexual. She was the protagonist first, so the rule still applies lol. But even beyond that it just fits her. Hard to explain, it just seems like it works.

Ryoma Hoshi- Straight, Asexual. I know on my ship list I said I shipped him with Gonta, but theres a reason that ship was so low. I heavily think Ryoma is straight. It's just the vibe I get from him. Maybe hes bi curious, but idk. As for the ace bit, it's really dark. I hc it's because of the trauma he endured during prison.

Kirumi Tojo- Lesbian. Idk I look at her and I think "Lesbian power. Powerful wlw moments." Dont ask me my brain just does things.

Angie Yonaga- Pansexual. She always seemed like she was flirting with Himiko and lowkey Tenko, and in the FTEs she straight up wants to get married to Shuichi so like....I dunno what you want me to say.

Tenko Chabashira- Lesbian. Literally no explanation needed.

Korekiyo Shinguji- Pansexual. Putting aside the....obvious....he finds all of humanity beautiful, so he most likely doesnt have a preference when it comes to choosing a partner. Just like with Mukuro we pretend that entire plotline never happened.

Miu Iruma- Pansexual. I see her as pretty open to everyone....Yeah. That's all I got.

Gonta Gokuharu- Bi-curious. Honestly I dont think Gonta knows what he is himself. He probably hasnt given it too much thought, if hes given it any. The best I can think of is bi-curious, assuming hes currently exploring his sexuality.

Kokichi Ouma- Gay. I dont ship him with anyone cause I personally think he'd be a bad partner to anyone he got with based off of his personality, but yeah. He gay lmao.

Kaito Momota- Pansexual. THE LUMINARY OF THE STARS IS FOR EVERYBODY! Probably took a while for him to admit he wasnt straight, but then he admitted it with his whole heart, precious thing.

Tsumugi Shirogane- Straight. Fuck I dunno I dont think about her in a positive light enough to care. Sorry I really tried 😅

Kiibo- Panromantic, Genderfluid, Asexual. Like Imposter, I've called Kiibo he all the time, including every story I put them in, but technically they have no gender. So that does make them nonbinary, but at the same time it leaves the opportunity for them to go by any pronoun they want, so I hc they go by all of them lol. I also think they just love everyone, and for the ace bit, unfortunately, robots probably dont have dicks 😔 Even if they did, I dont think he would be very interested in sex.

Himiko Yumeno- Lesbian. Despite her treatment of Tenko, her reaction at the end of chapter 3 shows she cared for her, and Angie. She probably loved them both, so, lesbian for sure.

Maki Harukawa- Straight. Kaito was probably her first ever crush, so I doubt she ever had a chance to feel out if she was anything other than straight. Even disregarding that, I dont think she'd be anything else.

Alright and those are my headcanons for all the Danganronpa characters! As a bonus, I think Komaru Naegi is a Lesbian! No real reason other than Tokomaru is top tier lol.

Now remember these are my opinions! If you dont agree that's fine! Just be kind!

And HAPPY PRIDE EVERYONE! 🥰🏳️‍🌈

#danganronpa #danganronpa 2 #danganronpa v3 #pride 2021 #pride month #headcanons #makoto naegi #hajime hinata #shuichi saihara #kyoko kirigiri #chiaki nanami #maki harukawa #kaito momota #byakuya togami #nagito komeada #kokichi oma #gundham tanaka #chihiro fujisaki #kaede akamatsu #tsumugi shirogane #kiibo #alphabet mafia #happy pride 🌈

[miraculous-ninjabird]

Posting this older work at the request of @rosiehunterwolf

No I don't have anything else context wise for you, sorry

No Working Title

Rating: T for swearing and tw

This is Angst.

TW for: panic attack, mentions of pain/injury, mentions of body modification

Word count: 1862

Summary: Lloyd wakes up after a dangerous showdown with his father that ended badly. Something isn't right, he knows it. He's just not sure what. It doesn't help he can't remember what happened

The first thing that Lloyd becomes aware of is the pleasant sound of singing. The melody is unfamiliar, but soothing. It reminds him of a memory he can’t quite fully grasp. Just a fuzzy feeling of warmth, and safety. It’s a feeling he feels the need to cling to with all his might. A large part of him wants nothing more than to stay just like this.

Another, smaller, part of him is telling him he should do...something. But he is tired. So incredibly tired. He would much rather stay as he is, comfortable and listening to the unfamiliar song.

If he had been in charge, he would have stayed as he was forever. Unfortunately, his mind was being incredibly uncooperative and it was becoming harder and harder to focus. There was still something… Lloyd tries desperately to remember what it is. His brain short circuits and in the end he gives up, allowing the music to lull him back to sleep.

When Lloyd comes to for the second time, he is more aware. Soft voices are arguing above him. A throbbing pain makes itself known to him, pressing behind his eye. He makes an attempt to blink, and instantly regrets the choice. Doing so causes the pain to morph from something moderately uncomfortable into a white hot searing sensation that, for a terrifying moment, completely overtakes him. It starts to fade quickly enough, but it leaves him uncomfortable and upset. In an effort to distract himself, he focuses on the conversation above him.

“Please. It’s been three days. You have to take care of yourself Kai,”

“It’s at least partially my fault this happened. I’m not leaving until I know he’s gonna be okay,”

“I’m not going to get into the fault argument since we’ve already been there. But we know he’s stable. I’ll be here the entire time. Nothing is going to happen. Just six hours. Sleep, eat, shower.”

“I can sleep and eat without having to leave,” Kai counters weakly. Even in his hazy state, Lloyd could hear the exhaustion in his voice.

“We both know you won’t do either of those things.” Nya pushes gently. “I can count on one hand the number of times you’ve left that chair for something other than the bathroom in the last week. That’s not good for him or you. You won’t be any help to Lloyd, now or when he wakes up, if you can't at the very least take care of yourself. The last thing we need is both of you out of commission.”

There was a pause, followed by Kai grumbling his agreement. Lloyd struggles with himself, making an effort to do anything to let Kai know that he was here. A movement. A sound. Anything to reassure Kai that he is here. He feels himself slipping back into unconsciousness. He tries to fight it, but as the soft singing from before resumes, he knows he’s lost. Barely a moment passes before he sinks into the darkness once again.

When he comes around for the third time, he is actually able to open his eyes. He is once again met with a stabbing pain, but this time it is more bearable. Blinking slowly, his vision begins to come into focus. Something about it was off but he couldn’t quite put a finger on it. All he knew is it was making it difficult to think and even harder to focus. The harsh lights do little to help.

The room he’s in is unfamiliar. Sparsely decorated with dull grey walls, there isn’t really much to look at. An empty chair is placed next to the bed with a blanket folded neatly across the back. There is a sink in one corner, and another door leading to what he assumes is a bathroom. He is alone.

As Lloyd struggles to push himself into a sitting position, the door slides open. Nya steps in, steaming mug gripped tightly in her hand. She looks up, starting in shock when she sees Lloyd. The mug slips from her grasp, shattering on the ground. She hardly seems to care as she rushes to his side.

“Lloyd!” She cries. “You’re awake? Since when? How are you feeling? Is there anything I can get for you?”

“Urghhhhhhh,” He groans, not quite able to quite form a coherent thought. Nya pauses her questions, seemingly realizing Lloyd wasn’t ready for that yet. Strong arms reach out, helping to settle him into a comfortable upright position. The lights are still too bright. He presses his hands into his eyes in an attempt to relieve the pain. It feels wrong, in a way. The skin under his one hand feels far too cool and strangely...metallic? That couldn’t be right. He must be imagining things.

“Is something wrong?” Nya taps his hand gently, bringing his focus back to her.

“Lights,” he murmurs.

“Oh! Let me fix that…” she gasps. There is some shuffling and the lights dim to a more acceptable level. He lowers his hands and squints. This he could deal with.

“Better?” She asks, and Lloyd nods. Nya gives him a smile. “How long have you been awake?”

“Since...a minute or two ago?” He blinks rapidly as one half his vision blurs strangely, almost like tv static. “Something is wrong with my eye. I can’t quite...I don’t know. It’s all blurry and weird.”

Nya’s smile drops instantly. She reaches out, grabbing both of his hands, fixing him with an intensely worried look.

“Lloyd, how much do you remember?” She presses gently. Lloyd racks his brain.. He remembers going to visit his dad, but the events afterwards are a terrifying blank.

“I...I don’t know,” he whispers. “I can’t remember anything from after I got there.”

Nya lets out a soft ‘oh’. The look on her face tells him there is something he should be remembering.

“Not to scare you or anything but…” She steps away, retrieving a hand mirror from the sink and handing it to him. Lloyd takes it, looks, and immediately drops it. He stares at the wall for a moment before hesitantly picking the mirror back up, studying the reflection.

“What the fuck. What is that? Nya. Tell me right now that I’m imagining things. Fuck. This can’t be real,” Instead of two completely normal matching human eyes, he has...whatever this is supposed to be. His left eye is now entirely black except the iris, which glows an eerie green color. Matching green lines etch the side of his face, extending up into his hairline and across his cheek. WHY DOES HIS EYE LOOK LIKE THAT? What the fuck happend to him?

As he stares, his vision once again starts to blur. Panic surges through him as he realizes what he is looking at. He has a robot eye. An honest to god robot eye that he has no memory of whatsoever. Someone had cut his eye out and replaced it with this monstrosity. Why can’t he REMEMBER?! Desperately he tries to recall something. Anything really. He comes back with nothing. Just one giant empty blank. There had to be something. You don’t just wake up one day with a robot eye and not remember it.

Out of nowhere, a thought strikes him. His eye. It looks just like Zane’s had. The lines carved across his face look just like the ones running up and down Skylor’s arm. The glowed the same shade as everything in his father’s stupid base. Did that mean…?

An uncomfortable constricting feeling takes root in his chest and he lets out a strangled gasp. No no nonononononono this couldn’t be happening. Stupid stupid stupid! He would never...but his dad. His thoughts begin to spiral as he desperately tries to stop himself from piecing things together. He no longer wants to know. Don’t think. Don’t remember. It’s too much. It’s all too much.

“Lloyd. Breath,” Nya’s voice cuts through his panicked haze. As she speaks, he becomes aware of the fact he has not, in fact, been breathing. He takes a gasping, shuddering breath. His lungs don’t like that and he devolves into a fit of coughing. The mirror is plucked from his grasp and firm hands squeeze his arms with just enough force to drag his mind back to the real world. Nya speaks again.

“Look at me.” He obeys, turning his gaze on her. She opens her arms, a silent gesture. Lloyd doesn’t hesitate, flinging himself at her with what limited strength he has left and pressing into her. With a start, he realizes that he is crying.

“You’re scared. I would be too. I wish I could tell you it was all a dream,” She murmurs softly. “This is undoubtedly strange and scary for you. There’s no avoiding it.”

Strange and scary? Life altering and utterly terrifying seemed more appropriate terms. Waking up missing part of his memories wasn’t a thing he really knew how to handle. Unexpectedly becoming part android was not something he was equipped to handle. Theorizing his father was responsible was NOT something he wanted to even think about handling. Not in the slightest. How was he supposed to move on from this?

Nya seemed to sense he was spiraling. Maybe the fact he has started to tremble uncontrollably had given it away

“Hey, hey. I wasn’t finished. You may be experiencing something horrible, but you aren’t alone. I’m here. Kai is here. The others are all here. Whatever happens. We are here to support you.” Nya pulls him tighter, pressing a light kiss to his forehead.

Lloyd doesn’t really know what to say. There isn’t really anything he can say. He finds himself clinging to her like she is a lifeline. His head is throbbing, and he finds himself feeling drained. Nya’s arms are warm and comfortable, but it’s not enough to drive off the fear. It clings to him, worming its way into every dark corner of his mind. He wants to scream, but the best he can get is a choked sob.

In response, Nya starts to hum. Lloyd recognizes the tune immediately. It was the same one from before. He latches onto the sound with everything he has. The effect was almost instantaneous. When focused on the soft notes, the panic fades to the background. It was still there, but more manageable than before. Slowly but surely, he starts to feel like he can breathe again. His whole body relaxes into Nya’s embrace. Maybe if they could just stay like this...

It’s only a few minutes before Nya hears the soft sound of snoring. Looking down, she sees that exhaustion has won out and Lloyd has once again slipped into unconsciousness. That was a relief. She’d screwed that up big time. Next time he woke, she would make sure to tread more carefully. And when Kai came in to relieve her, she would have to make sure to update him on the situation. He would undoubtedly be mad, but she wasn’t about to leave a panicking Lloyd to go wake him up. Looks like things were going to be far more complicated than they’d originally thought...

#Ninjago #Lloyd garmadon #Nya smith #Malcolm's writing #Tw mentions of body modification #tw panic attack #tw injury #uneditied #as of right now this is complete