#lesbians try to say i love you normally challenge (impossible)

[dhurrbyang]

#god *screaming crying throwing up* #THESE BITCHES ARE IN LOVE #OHMYGOD #lesbians try to say i love you normally challenge (impossible) #crier's war #iron heart #atria reads

[ailuronymy]

do you think every disabled character in wc is handled poorly? i understand theres def some cases of ableism but at the same time when i hear ppl say that its usually bc the disabled cat wasnt able to become a warrior due to their disability. and i feel like ppl forget, that not everyone irl CAN do what they want after they become disabled. ex. someone wants to be an athlete, but their legs have to be amputated. a cat like briarlight esp i feel is p realistic and could be a source of comfort

Hello there, thank you for writing in. I’m going to reply to this question with a series of questions I think are a bit more useful, given what you’re trying to ask me. I hope that’ll clarify what is a deeply complex, multilayered issue. 

Do I think Erin Hunter handles anything in the series “well”? Not really. I don’t have a high opinion of the work of the collective and, broadly speaking, I think every right note they play, metaphorically speaking, is an instance of chance rather than effort, skill, or intention. Stopped clocks are right twice a day, mediocre writers will sometimes do something cool by accident, similar principle. That’s not to say Erin Hunter hasn’t ever done anything on purpose--just that overall the underlying drive of the series isn’t so much quality as it is quantity, and speed of production, and it shows. 

Do I think Erin Hunter puts any significant research into how they portray disability? No. I do not think it is a priority for this series. They’re not trying to make a meaningful work of literature, or capture a realistic experience of disability, or tell especially impactful or thoughtful stories, or even make a particularly good or coherent fantasy world. Warriors is a specifically commercial product that was commissioned by HarperCollins to appeal to a particular demographic of drama-loving, cat-loving kids. It’s not really trying to do anything but sell books, because it’s a business, so the text in many ways reflects that. They’re not going for disability representation, in my opinion. They’re including disability in many cases as a plot-point or an obstacle. 

Do I think this means that people can’t connect to these characters and narratives in meaningful ways? No. Often I say that a work is completed only when it is read. Before that point, it doesn’t have a meaning: a reader finishes the work through the act of reading, and interpretation, and filling in the spaces and resonance of the story with their own values and experiences. When people talk about subjectivity, this is what they are talking about. What this means in the context of disabled characters in Warriors is that these characters and their stories can be multiple, conflicting, even mutually exclusive things at the same time, to different people, for different reasons. 

Do I think characters have to be “good” to be significant to someone? No. I think genuinely “bad” (i.e., not researched or poorly researched, cliche, thoughtlessly written, problematic, etc. etc.) characters can be deeply meaningful, and often are. Ditto above: for many people, and especially marginalised or stigmatised people, reading is almost always an act of translation, wherein the person is reading against the creative work of the dominant culture in a way that the author likely didn’t intend or didn’t even imagine. There’s a long documented history of this in queer culture, but it’s true for just about everyone who is rarely (or unfairly) represented in media. Disabled people often have to read deeply imperfect works of fiction featuring disability and reinterpret them in the process--whether to relate to a kind of disability they don’t experience themselves but which is the closest they’re offered to something familiar, or to turn positive and meaningful what is intended as narrative punishment, or simply to create what’s commonly called headcanon about “non-disabled” characters who echo their personal experiences. 

Do I think everyone has to agree? Extremely no. As I said before, people will actually always disagree, because all people have different needs and different experiences. What can be interpreted as empowering to one person might be very othering and painful for another. There is no “right” answer, because, again, that is how subjectivity works. This is especially true because marginalised communities are often many different kinds of people with different lives and needs brought together over a trait or traits they share due to the need for solidarity as protection and power--but only in a broad sense. It’s why there is often intracommunity fighting over representation: there isn’t enough, there’s only scraps, and so each person’s personal interpretation can feel threatening to people whose needs are different. You can see examples of this especially when it comes to arguments over character sexuality: a queer female character might be interpreted as bisexual by bisexual people who relate to her and want her to be, while being interpreted as lesbian by lesbians who also relate to her and want her to be like them. Who is correct? Often these different interpretations based on different needs are presented as if one interpretation is theft from the other, when in fact the situation is indicative of the huge dearth of options for queer people. It becomes increasingly more intense when it comes to “canon” representations, because of the long history of having to read against the grain I mentioned above: there’s novelty and, for some people, validation in “canon” certainty. And again, all of this is also true for disabled people and other stigmatised groups. 

Do I think this is a problem? Not exactly. It is what it is. It is the expected effect of the circumstances. Enforced scarcity creates both the need for community organising and solidarity and the oppressive pressure to prioritise one’s self first and leave everyone else in the dust (or else it might happen to you). The system will always pit suppressed people against each other constantly, because it actively benefits from intracommunity fighting. Who needs enemies when you have friends like these, and so on. A solution is absolutely for everyone in community to hold space for these different needs and values, and to uplift and support despite these differences, but it’s not anyone’s fault for feeling threatened or upset when you don’t have much and feel like the thing that you do have is being taken away. It’s a normal, if not really helpful, human response. But until people learn and internalised that the media is multifaceted and able to be many things at once, without any of those things being untrue or impacting your truth of the text, then there will be fighting. 

Do I think my opinion on disability on Warriors is all that important? No, not really. I can relate to some characters in some moment through that translation, but my opinion on, say, Jayfeather is nowhere near as worthy of consideration than that of someone who is blind. I don’t have that experience and it’s not something I can bring meaningful thinking about, really. That’s true for all these characters. If you want to learn about disability, prioritise reading work about disabled rights and activism that is done by disabled people, and literary criticism from disabled people. And as I mentioned above, remember that community isn’t a monolith: it’s a survival tactic, that brings together many different people with disparate experiences of the world. So research widely. 

Finally--do I think there’s only one kind of disabled narrative worth telling? No. For some people, a disabled character achieving a specific, ability-focused dream is a good story. For other people, a story that acknowledges and deals with the realities, and limitations, of disability is a good story. The same person might want both of those stories at different times, depending on their mood. That’s okay. Sometimes there’s power and delight in a fantasy of overcoming seemingly impossible obstacles and defying all expectations. Sometimes there’s value and catharsis in a narrative that delves into the challenges and grief and oppression experienced because of disability. There’s no one truth. 

To round all this off, I’m going to give my favourite example of this, which is Cinderella. I think it’s a great and useful tool, since for many it’s familiar and it’s very simple. Not much happens. In the story, she is bullied and tormented, until a fairy godmother gifts her over several nights with the opportunity to go to a royal ball, where she dances with a prince. The prince eventually is able to find Cinderella, due to a shoe left behind, and they are married. In some versions, the family that mistreated her are killed. In others, they’re forgiven. 

Some people hate the story of Cinderella, because she is seen as passive. She tolerates the bullying and never fights back. She does every chore she’s told. She is given an opportunity by a fairy godmother, and she doesn’t help herself go to the ball. She runs from the prince and he does the work to find her again. Eventually, she’s married and the prince, presumably, keeps her in happiness and comfort for the rest of her life. 

For some, this story is infuriating, because Cinderella doesn’t “save herself”: she is largely saved by external forces. She is seen as a quintessential damsel-in-distress, and especially for people who have been bullied, infantalised, or made to feel less capable or weak, that can be a real point of personal pain and discomfort. 

However, for some others, Cinderella is a figure of strength, because she is able to endure such hostile environments and terrible people and never gives up her gentle nature or her hope. She never becomes cruel, or bitter. She is brave in daring to go outside her tiny, trapped world, and she is brave to let the prince find her. She doesn’t have to fight or struggle to earn her reward of happiness and prove her worth, because she was always deserving of love and kindness. The prince recognises at once, narratively speaking, her goodness and virtue, and stops at nothing to deliver her a better life. 

Depending on the version, the wicked family disfigure themselves for their own greed--or are punished, which for some is a revenge fantasy; or Cinderella forgives them and once again shows her tenacious kindness, which for others is a different revenge fantasy. 

The point? Cinderella is the same character in the same story, but these are almost unrecognisable readings when you put them side-by-side. Which one is right? Which one is better? In my opinion, those are the wrong questions. I hope this (long, sorry) reply is a set of more useful ones. 

[aro-culture-is]

im starting to think I might be aro but I'm not sure... was wondering if you and your followers can give me some advice? i currently identify as genderfluid & queer. im 25 y/o and have never had a single partner, never been in love, never kissed anyone, ever. I've had many opportunities to, its just that i never felt romantically attracted to any of the people who have liked me (a few cis guys, a lesbian, and a trans guy). I definitely have had sexual desire for others, though. I did had a few romantic crushes on girls through my life but I think I might have forced myself to have them, if that's possible? The idea of romantic love has always fascinated me and I'm a sucker for cheesy romantic stories and stuff with lots of angsty longing and like, I WANT to feel that too. So bad. But I'm starting to think I literally can't? Does this sound like I could be aro? Or can I not really know until I've at least tried to have a romantic relationship with someone? Right now I just kind of feel like I'm broken because I want one but it just feels impossible.

[empty paragraph in case tumblr eats it]

hi!

so right off the bat i’m going to say: i am an internet stranger and I cannot decide your identity for you. that said, you definitely sound like you’re aro.

"never been in love", "i never felt romantically attracted to any of the people who have liked me", “I did had a few romantic crushes on girls through my life but I think I might have forced myself to have them, if that's possible?”, “Right now I just kind of feel like I'm broken because I want one but it just feels impossible”

everything i’ve quoted there is a STRONG sign that alone would make me suspect that you’re aro, but especially the first and last one. a lot of aro ppl “choose” a crush or try to force themselves to feel like they have a crush, and if you think you might have, that’s very much possible.

On a much sadder and more serious note, while I don’t see it quite as strongly with current teens, myself and a lot of a-spec people identified as broken before we knew there was a term and that we were allowed to use it and even feel pride in that. It’s so very easy to listen to society telling us that it’s normal to have crushes and decide not having them must be a problem with us. I knew in 7th grade that I didn’t seem attracted to boys or girls (and knew no nonbinary people aside from myself) and just as deeply “knew” that I must be broken. I’d strongly recommend following aro blogs - seeing representation helps most, in my experience.

that said, here’s some bonus comments which I think are relevant:

I definitely have had sexual desire for others

Strongly recommend that you should look into the term “allo aro” (a shortening of allosexual aro”

The idea of romantic love has always fascinated me and I'm a sucker for cheesy romantic stories and stuff with lots of angsty longing and like, I WANT to feel that too. So bad. / Right now I just kind of feel like I'm broken because I want one but it just feels impossible

a LOT of aros who have submitted to this blog have felt or do feel this way, I suspect. I personally never felt this way so I don’t feel super comfortable providing details on it, but I do notice a common theme of this being a comment from questioning / newly discovered aros who are still coming to terms with things.

That said, there are also some aro folks who do still chose to date/”partner”, both in the traditional romantic sense and in other ways, like in queerplatonic relationships (qprs) and other arrangements, and those can be long-term committed relationships. iirc at least one person has commented before on being a happily married aro person. If you still want a relationship even as an aro, there is a precedent. You won’t be alone even then.

can I not really know until I've at least tried to have a romantic relationship with someone?

there will be people who will tell you this. the venn diagram between those people and the people who will tell you that you cannot be aro because you have dated is a circle. (they never intend to believe you - just to find any excuse not to.)

if it gives you reassurance, you can enter a relationship where your identity as questioning aro is a known factor - but there is NO obligation to do so and i at least would consider it a bad idea to enter a relationship where this isn’t known. I would also caution about “curers” who take that as a challenge and may not express such, and who will take you being in a relationship with them / staying in that relationship for some arbitrary amount of time only known to them as a sign that they’ve “cured” you of being aromantic / aro-spec. In full disclosure, I have no idea how common that is but it is also my only dating experience and a very 0/10 one at that.

I hope that this (wall of text oops) helps! If you’re still not sure, I’d recommend looking through my “am i aro” tag, as on this post, to see me answering similar questions.

- mod kee

#not aro culture #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod kee #am i aro #long post #Anonymous

[artemis-entreri]

I have a silly question, is it homophobic if I am straight and am not into seeing men with men or woman with woman, etc ? I think you make great art! Don't let this discourage you at all. Take care of yourself!

[[ Hey there, I’m glad you asked. My answer would be: it depends on what you mean by “am not into seeing”. There are a lot of fine lines and nuances on this topic, but it’s impossible to cover them all in a reasonably short post, so I’ll try to cover some of the bigger points. In a general sense, the answer would lean towards “yes”, however while I stand very firmly for LGBT+ rights, I don’t believe in condemning someone and shutting them down very swiftly for asking a question like the one you asked, as I think that discussion is important to help each other understand and grow. 

So, I ask these questions, not necessarily for you to answer me, but rather for you to think on. By, “am not into seeing men with men or women with women”, do you mean that you don’t actively seek out gay content? If so, I don’t believe that’s inherently homophobic. However, the age of “gay content” being its own section is in my opinion becoming antiquated, since traditionally, things in this category are anything that includes non-straight elements. For too long, “normal” is that which doesn’t acknowledge the existence of non-straight. However, this is really artificial and not at all reflective of what reality is, the true normal would include people of all sexualities and gender identities. But, if we were to artificially try to restrict this question to gauge your outlook, I guess we can use this example: Let’s pretend that you’re into manga. You collect certain genres of manga, but like anyone else, you have specific tastes. Maybe you’re not into romance. Maybe you’re not into mecha. You don’t collect yaoi/yuri manga, which is manga whose purpose is focused on gay/lesbian relationships. That wouldn’t inherently make you homophobic, because content like yaoi/yuri is specifically gay. It is only about the gay and goes all out for the gay. Its main purpose is the gay, its main audience is people who seek actively out that gay content. Not seeking out this type of genre isn’t homophobic, it’s just a preference, and isn’t too different from not being into the other genres. DISCLAIMER: This example is restricted to manga and probably porn. It is NOT the same thing to be like, “I’m not into cars, why is it a problem if I’m not into seeing gay people?” For the record, something like that would indubitably be homophobic.

When you see something that includes gay content, does the gay content devalue the piece for you? You complimented my art, which makes me think that it’s unlikely that you’re a raging homophobe because those types tend to foam at the mouth at anything that’s remotely LGBT and would sooner have a seizure than say anything good about gay content even in an insincere way. Here’s a thought experiment: imagine if your favorite artist (musical or visual) created something containing gay content, would you give it a fair shot or would it automatically not be as good as their other pieces for you? Again, this is a bit challenging in that for most people, they don’t love all of their favorite artist’s creations, and of course there’s the matter of our own personal experiences allowing us to relate more or less to any particular work and rate it accordingly. Here’s another way to think about it, if you look at classic works of art by the great masters, would it ever cross your mind that the ones depicting characters of a gender that you are attracted to are automatically superior to the ones depicting characters of a gender that you aren’t attracted to? I don’t mean in terms of personal appeal, but rather, would you feel that two works by the same master, containing different genders, would be different in terms of mastery? Anything with gay content is really no different, if you can see the value of a piece regardless of what’s depicted (gay versus not gay, we’re not talking about other subjects here), then you probably aren’t homophobic. Further, do you think it would matter to your appreciation of the art if you knew or did not know that the great master creating it was themselves gay?

Again, this is a complicated and important topic, but my blog isn’t dedicated to this topic so I’ll wrap things up here.

Finally, your sexuality doesn’t factor into this equation, in my opinion at least. It is sadly possible for LGBT+ people to discriminate against other LGBT+, a common instance of this is the erasure/invalidation/discrimination against bisexual people, pansexual people, and asexual people by others in the LGBT+ community. That being said, you might feel like because you’re straight it can make you be considered more homophobic. For instance, perhaps you’ve seen things along the lines of, “fuck straight people”. However, this sort condemnation I believe comes from the issue of societal imbalance and privilege. Being straight is a privilege because it’s considered the “norm” by society, and unfortunately, a lot of people who are privileged are blind about it and abuse that privilege. Like all generalizations, condemning a privileged group is flawed, but messages like “fuck <insert privileged party>” really mean, “fuck members of  <insert privileged party> who abuse their privilege”. Anyway, I wanted to mention this, because your own identity does matter, and it’s important to take a step back and think about where you’re standing relative to an issue. I think you’re ok, Anon. It’s difficult to ask questions like these, even anonymously, especially to an LGBT+ content creator such as myself who one would expect to not give you an answer that you’d want to hear. It is such an understandably sensitive topic that you could’ve even been blasted for asking your question, but you did so anyway, so I think that’s pretty admirable. The ability to challenge our own perceptions is what allows us to grow, and makes us better people than those who are not capable of doing so. ]]

#LGBTQIA #LGBT+ #lgbt representation #homophobia #ama #ooc #anonymous

[ranma-rewatch]

Episode 22: Behold! The 'Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire' Technique

Sorry about taking a week off, y’all, I just had a rough go of it. Still sort of am, but I’m back anyway. We’re still in the middle of the arc that introduces Shampoo’s relative Cologne into the cast, and last time Ranma was hit with something that made changing back nigh impossible, forcing him to be stuck in his cursed form. This week should, from what I recall, be how Ranma learns the technique that will become his signature move. Other than that, I think there’s a festival? We’ll see, next paragraph.

Hey, I was right! There was a festival! Though, that’s not where the episode starts off. It begins where it left off, with the realization that Cologne had done something to Ranma that made it so that his skin was so sensitive to heat. He tries to overcome that by jumping into some water that I will assume is warm or hot, but the pain is so much that he passes out immediately, then wakes up being tended to by Kasumi and Nabiki, who dressed Ranma up in some of Nabiki’s lingerie.

He’s annoyed that they did that, but they’re of the opinion that Ranma should lighten up about the fact his body is stuck in a way he doesn’t want it and embrace acting like a girl. I do not like that. He goes on a walk, and is immediately attacked by Kuno, first as an actual attack and then with romance when he sees it’s his ‘pig-tailed girl’. Akane comes in to help, however.

Shampoo shows up, wanting to help Ranma. She says there is a way for him to be able to get rid of what Cologne did to him, and that way is the Phoenix Pill. It gives whoever takes it incredible heat resistance, and Cologne has one with her. When Akane asks why Shampoo is helping, she says it’s because she prefers Ranma’s uncursed state, and basically calls Akane a perverted lesbian for being okay with Ranma as he is.

Heading to the ramen restaurant that Cologne owns, Ranma finds she is waiting for him, openly carrying the pill he needs around her neck, but he’ll have to take it from her by force. He tries, and fails, a lot. Then he sees the cafe is hiring, and uses that as a way to try and get more opportunities to get the pill.

That doesn’t really work either, though Ranma’s presence as a cute waiter does make the place more popular with men. Eventually, Cologne shows Ranma a secret technique of the Amazons, one that would certainly help him get the pill: titular Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire technique. It’s basically a hand-to-hand move that involves moving the hands so quickly they can pull out chestnuts from a fire without burning the hands.

Ranma tries learning it with his father’s help later, but it doesn’t seem to be working, even when Cologne stops by to show him it again. The fact Genma can’t do it either is a bit of a factor too, of course. The others suggest Ranma go to the fair to relax, and Akane goes with him. He quickly starts having fun, to Akane’s relief, but then she sees a kid being scammed by a stall out of getting a fish.

She tries to help, but she can’t win the game either. Ranma jumps in, and handily manages to scoop up fish using a net that’s basically nonexistent. The stall-owner, not wanting to actually have to give away a prize, demands Ranma do it again with piranhas, but he realizes he can do it: all that time with Cologne has enhanced his speed, and what he’d need to do to catch the piranhas is basically the Kachū Tenshin Amaguriken (which just sounds cooler than the translation), and he does it.

Now confident, Ranma goes to find Cologne, only to fall into a trapdoor. She sends illusions based on characters from Journey to the West after him, but he manages to chase her out of there and into an enormous public path area. She heads out onto the water, but Ranma uses a stick he stole from a monkey pretending to be the Monkey King to get out on the water. He does manage to use the technique and take what he thinks is the pill, only for Cologne to realize, just before he falls into hot water, that it’s a fake since she was afraid he might master the ability. The episode ends with him vowing to get the real one, and turn back to normal.

So, a lot happened, except also not a lot did. The big thing, obviously, was Ranma learning the Kachū Tenshin Amaguriken, which will be basically his staple move. It works well for him, despite the silly name. Ranma’s always been fast, so giving him a technique built on speed just fits him. This is also basically the first time in the series he’s had to train and level up to face a tougher foe, so that’s neat.

Not as neat is all the misgendering. I know, to a lot of folks, all the stuff about other people wishing Ranma would just act ‘like a girl’ is either fun or harmless, but that’s not the case for me. Like I’ve said before, Ranma’s situation with his curse reads a lot to me like someone as a trans man, as he tries over and over again to insist to everyone that he is, in fact, a man regardless of what he looks like. There have been small moments of the Tendo sisters trying to get him to dress femininely before, but actually putting him in women’s clothes in his sleep just feels really wrong to me.

The front half of the episode was also pretty filler-y, not a lot happened, and the fluff wasn’t even particularly enjoyable. There were also a lot of coloring errors for a few characters hair, namely Shampoo and Ranma’s, as well as quite a few shots were some of them looked off-model, so it wasn’t particularly pleasing to the eyes, on the whole.

All of that said, I did enjoy a lot of the Akane stuff with this episode. Despite griping here and there, something about her being happy that Ranma, who has been run ragged, is able to enjoy himself at the festival, and about her trying to help that kid win a fish, it’s just cute. There were also just a lot of small moments between Ranma and Akane I liked peppered throughout.

This wasn’t really a bad episode, but it wasn’t a particularly good one either. It was a step on the path towards Ranma getting cured of his new ailment, as well as the story of how he learned his signature move. This episode was near the bottom for me, right between the first episode of the series and the third.

Episode 7: Enter Ryoga, the Eternal ‘Lost Boy’  

Episode 12: A Woman's Love is War! The Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics Challenge!

Episode 15: Enter Shampoo, the Gung-Ho Girl! I Put My Life in Your Hands

Episode 9: True Confessions! A Girl's Hair is Her Life!

Episode 2: School is No Place for Horsing Around

Episode 19: Clash of the Delivery Girls! The Martial Arts Takeout Race

Episode 6: Akane's Lost Love... These Things Happen, You Know

Episode 13: A Tear in a Girl-Delinquent's Eye? The End of the Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics Challenge!

Episode 17: I Love You, Ranma! Please Don’t Say Goodbye

Episode 20: You Really Do Hate Cats!

Episode 16: Shampoo's Revenge! The Shiatsu Technique That Steals Heart and Soul

Episode 8: School is a Battlefield! Ranma vs. Ryoga

Episode 11: Ranma Meets Love Head-On! Enter the Delinquent Juvenile Gymnast!

Episode 4: Ranma and...Ranma? If It’s Not One Thing, It’s Another

Episode 5: Love Me to the Bone! The Compound Fracture of Akane's Heart

Episode 1: Here’s Ranma

Episode 22: Behold! The 'Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire' Technique

Episode 3: A Sudden Storm of Love

Episode 21: This Ol' Gal's the Leader of the Amazon Tribe!

Episode 10: P-P-P-Chan! He's Good For Nothin'

Episode 14: Pelvic Fortune-Telling? Ranma is the No. One Bride in Japan

Episode 18: I Am a Man! Ranma's Going Back to China!?

Now, next time we have another new character appearing, and it is once again to be someone we’ll get to know a lot more throughout the run of the series. Next time, we’ll cover “Enter Mousse! The Fist of the White Swan” and perhaps I’ll get new insight into a character I was never originally a huge fan of. See you all then.

#episode 22 #Behold! The 'Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire' Technique #ranma 1/2 #ranma saotome #Cologne #akane tendo #anime analysis #anime rewatch

[callunavulgari]

YEAR-IN-BOOKS | 2020

So. Last year I read 112 books. The year before that I read 89. The year before that I read 39. This year I have (thus far) read 87 books out of my goal of 75 and will likely at least one or two more before the end of the year. So, click below if you want rambly book recs!

1. a book you loved?

This year has been rough. Like, I’m looking back at the books I read in January and am genuinely horrified to realize that I read them a scant twelve months ago when it feels like I read them at least three years ago. I’m glad I kept my limit lower this year, because enjoying anything this year has been harder than usual. I did read some decent books though, and I think the one I loved the most was Gideon the Ninth (and it’s sequel, Harrow the Ninth). They’re both fantastic books, and so deeply unexpected. Reading the first chapter or so of Gideon’s book is like getting whiplash. You go into it expecting angsty lady necromancers and get a crossdressing bee that secretes hallucinogenic substances and pulsates in time to the music in your head. Literally, Gideon’s dialogue is so out of left field that I spent half the book delightedly confused. But it is genuinely funny? And lesbian necromancers in space is just.. such an underutilized concept. Harrow’s book was a little harder - her head space is weird and everything is intentionally fucking with you so you really are confused for 90% of it, but I think the pay off was more than worth it.

2. a book you hated?

I was deeply, DEEPLY disappointed by The Secret Commonwealth. I finished it near the end of January and was just so fucking mad for days. Because the thing is, my expectations were not super high. I was excited for it, mostly because a grown up version of Lyra is something that I thought I would only ever experience in fanfiction. Now, I wish I’d only experienced her in fanfiction. Graphic attempted rape, retroactively confirming a rape happened in a previous book (one where it was implied that the victim got away in time), retroactively raping a character from the previous trilogy... like. I’m sorry. But fuck that noise. Fuck Philip Pullman. Fuck any douchebag asshole who thinks a woman has to be raped in order to write compelling fiction. I was riding the high of the new HBO series (which was good) and I guess I just... thought the author would have some goddamn integrity.

3. a book that made you cry?

We Are Okay was a really gorgeous, tender little book about grief that I read in one sitting in my bed when I really should have been sleeping. I read this book in March, when things only kind of hurt for me. When things were still largely okay. Before the bulk of covid hit my side of the world. Before self-isolation was an every day thing, not just something in books. Before Mal. Before getting covid. But ultimately, this was a book about healing. It aches, yes, but it also soothes.

4. a book that made you happy?

Both Beach Read and Written in the Stars made me pretty happy. Both romcoms done right, the first is a book about a romance writer falling in love with a thriller/mystery writer. They’re staying at neighboring beach houses and spend a summer getting themselves out of their comfort zones by challenging the other to write in the other person’s chosen genre. It’s sweet. It’s sexy. Over all, a really fun read, with enough depths to keep me engaged.

The second book is a meet-cute that involves astrology, fake dating, and lesbians. It’s written phenomenally well, and gave me a brief surge of happiness when I needed it most.

5. the best sequel?

Probably Harrow. The Dragon Republic is a great second choice though. Again, it’s a hard book, and I wouldn’t have been able to read it any later in the year than I did, because it is... not a happy book. But it is, in my opinion, a good one. And I am still excited about the third.

6. most anticipated release for the new year?

I am hoping to get the as of yet Untitled sequel to Ninth House in 2021. I am also hoping to actually be able to read The Rhythms of War in the new year, since I doubt I’ll get a chance in 2020. I’m looking forward to Mister Impossible, the second book in the Ronan trilogy by Maggie Stiefvater. I’m looking forward to the Hourglass Throne, which I think is coming in 2021? A Desolation Called Peace in March. The Thorn of Emberlain might actually be out in October, which will be wonderful it doesn’t get pushed back again. Rule of Wolves, the King of Scars Duology in the Grishaverse will also be March. One Last Stop by Casey McQuistion in May!!!!

7. favorite new author?

Defintely Tamsyn Muir. I will also be keeping an eye out for Alexandriua Bellefleur’s stuff...

8. favorite book to film adaptation?

Uh, can I say MDSZ/The Untamed without actually having read the original text? Well, I’ve read a few chapters, but damn.

9. the most surprising book?

Taproot. It’s this little graphic novel about a gardener who can see ghosts. And like. It still makes me warm to think about how tender it is.

10. the most interesting villain?

Does Loki: Where Mischief Lies count? Since Loki is technically a villain, even if he’s only villain adjacent in this book.

11. the best makeouts?

I... don’t know? I didn’t real read any of these books for makeouts. Not this year. 

12. a book that was super frustrating?

Boyfriend Material. It has great ratings! It has fake dating! But the story was very so-so for me. 

13. a book you texted about, and the text was IN CAPSLOCK?

I think I yelled at Nick a few times about how pissed I was at the Secret Commonwealth.

14. a book for the small children in your life?

The House in the Cerulean Sea is a book about a case worker at the department in charge of magical youth and he is charged with traveling to an island and making a very important decision about the children living there. It was adorable and I wish I’d had a book like it when I was young.

15. a book you learned from?

That is not the sort of book that I was reading in 2020.

16. a book you wouldn’t normally try?

I read a couple mysteries. Some were good. Most made me remember why I don’t read mysteries.

17. a book with something magical in it?

Call Down the Hawk, because all of Maggie’s books are at least a little bit magical. And while this definitely didn’t hit quite the same vibes that the Raven Cycle did, it was still very, very good.

18. the best clothes?

Gideon the Ninth and Harrow the Ninth have the best goth aesthetic I have ever seen in a book. Also, The Invisible Life of Addie Larue, because Addie’s clothes always sounded cute and comfortable.

19. the most well-rounded characters?

The City We Became had some fantastic characters. It was really interesting to see Jemisin get out of her typical fantasy setting and this novel was so out of this world. 

20. the best world-building?

Deeplight! It’s described as Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea meets Frankenstein and that is pretty accurate. Old gods that traversed the sea tore each other apart and now the world tries to get a hold of their corpses for amazing powers. It was really, really cool and probably the best book I could have chosen to read at the beach.

21. the worst world-building?

Eh. Most of the books I hated I didn’t keep reading this year.

22. a book with a good sidekick?

I really like all of the characters in the Tarot Sequence. There are some solid characters, even if there’s basically no women. Also Graceling.

23. the most insufferable narrator?

I was not a fan of The Mysterious Benedict Society, mostly because of the narrator. It was so boring and I quit halfway through.

24. a book you were excited to read for months beforehand?

Return of the Thief. Which... was still mostly good. But the ending felt lackluster for me. I may go back and reread the series and see if it feels more genuine after I’ve read them all together.

25. a book you picked up on a whim?

I literally picked up Written in the Stars because the cover was pretty and it looked like the romance was between two girls. And it did nooooot fail me.

26. a book that should be read in a foreign country?

Shrug emoji.

27. a book cassian andor would like?

I still don’t know what to make of this question.

28. a book gina linetti would like?

Shrug emoji.

29. your favorite cover art?

Gideon and Harrow, honestly. I also really liked Under the Udala Trees.

30. a book you read in translation?

I genuinely don’t know.

31. a book from another century?

Teeeeechnically The Great Hunt?

32. a book you reread?

I reread the Diviners and the Captive Prince series near the beginning of the year. They were still delightful.

33. a book you’re dying to talk about, and why?

Into the Drowning Deep was fucking amazing. I love Mira Grant’s work anyway and there’s this scene where a character pilots a submersible into the Marianas Trench and experiences your first face-to-face encounters with the sirens and like. AHHHHHHHHHH. It was so spooky and beautiful and just genuinely amazing.

TLDR; 2020 sucked, most books still couldn’t pierce through the depression, but there were a few bangers.

#heather says what #new year's memes #2020 #books to read #recommendations #fuck yeah recs!!

[artificialqueens]

Undone, Chapter 24 (Bitney) - Stephanie/Veronica

A/N: Welcome to Chapter 24 of UNDONE, our slow burn Bitney lesbian AU. Here’s a link to the previous chapters. If you’re sticking with us despite the long breaks between chapters, then you’re wonderful and I adore you. Thank you so much to our beta readers, @kitschypixel , @jimvssherlock , and @missdandee <3 <3 <3

Summary: Relationships are tricky.

TW: Discussions of emotional abuse, PTSD

***

When Courtney’s alarm begins to go off, ripping her from a deep and peaceful sleep, it feels almost violent. She jolts awake, fumbling for the phone, eyes widening when she sees the time. She’d somehow fucked up and set the alarm an hour later than she meant to.

“Shit!” She jumps from the bed, the suddenness of leaving the warm covers and cocoon of body heat like being hit with cold water. She rouses Bianca, as gently as possible given the situation.

“Nooo, it’s too early,” Bianca groans into her pillow.

“It’s 5:15,” Courtney tells her apologetically.

Bianca’s eyes fly open. “Motherfucker.”

“I know, I’m sorry. We’ll still make it if we rush. I’ll take care of the dogs!” Courtney calls back over her shoulder, taking off running towards the kitchen.

***

Courtney’s not sure how to navigate the work situation. Will Bianca want to keep everything under wraps? She’s not officially divorced yet, after all. It seems a little insane that with all their endless discussions about everything under the sun, that hasn’t come up. And  the hectic rush to get to set on time this morning stopped her from asking.

So in the lunch line, when Adore asks her why she looks so happy, she keeps her mouth firmly shut.

“Come on, tell me. Did something finally happen with B? Did you guys bang?” Adore’s eyes glitter with mischief.

“We did not,” Courtney says emphatically.

“Okay well...but you banged someone, right? Did you get laid while she was out of town? Is it someone I know? I won’t tell, promise.”

Courtney rolls her eyes and shakes her head. When she sees Bianca walking over, her eyes light up, destroying her attempt to play it cool.

“Come on,” Adore says, a grin spreading across her face. “What happened?”

“Nothing!” Courtney insists, then turns to Bianca with a sheepish smile. “Hey...how’s it going?” She shifts awkwardly from one foot to the other, arms wrapped around herself.

It takes Bianca a moment to catch on, looking from Courtney’s uncomfortable expression to Adore’s curious grin. It didn’t occur to her before that Courtney wouldn’t tell Adore, but she assumes that it’s because of her. In spite of everything that happened between them, Courtney’s still clearly unsure where she stands.

But Bianca has no desire for Courtney to be some dirty little secret. So she steps closer, cupping Courtney’s face with her hands.

“It’s going great. How are you?”

Bianca doesn’t notice the mouths of their coworkers dropping open in surprise. She just watches Courtney’s face, her green eyes wide.

“I’m...really good.” Courtney’s breathing is shallow, heart racing as her hands find Bianca’s waist.

“That’s good,” she murmurs, then presses a kiss to Courtney’s lips, soft and deep.

“You fuckin’ liar!” Adore says, clapping her hands gleefully.

They part, giggling a little, and Bianca knows that she’s making a spectacle, that there must be a whole bunch of eyes on them, but she can’t bring herself to feel anything but elation.

“I didn’t think you’d want people to know,” Courtney whispers, pressing her forehead to Bianca’s.

“Well, I do. I want everyone to know,” Bianca replies. Dimples are deep in her cheeks, and Courtney reaches a hand up to touch one, giddy with happiness.

Bianca kisses her again, deeper this time.

“Okay, it was cute at first but now it’s just...gross.” Adore’s nose wrinkles and she grabs a plate, finally up to the front of the buffet line. “Guys?”

Feeling a bit light-headed, Courtney nuzzles her face into Bianca’s neck, gripping her waist.

“Oh my god, stop,” Adore says. “You’re holding up the line. Look alive!”

“Alright already,” Bianca laughs, finally lifting her head and taking a plate with a happy sigh.

***

Courtney places the dogs’ bowls on the ground and then stands up, brushing her hands off, to find Bianca’s eyes on her. A faint blush rises to her cheeks.

“What?”

“Nothing…” Bianca reaches for her, taking her hand. “I’m just...glad to have you alone. Finally.”

Courtney takes a deep breath as Bianca wraps her into an embrace, gazing at her with heavy-lidded blue eyes.

“Yeah. It’s pretty fantas…” Courtney trails off as Bianca’s plush lips graze her neck. She gives herself a moment to enjoy it. Several moments, if she’s honest--long enough to feel Bianca’s soft hands sliding up under her top. Her eyes have fallen closed, stomach twisting with desire, before she catches herself and clears her throat. “Uh...B?”

“Mmmh?”

“I just want to make sure that we, uh...manage our expectations here.”

Bianca lifts her head, a puzzled look on her face. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah! Everything’s fine. Everything’s great, actually, but...I have my period.”

“Okay?”

“So...I think we should maybe...hold off for now.”

“I wouldn’t have expected you to be squeamish about that,” Bianca teases gently.

“Well...I’m not. But...it’s a little hard core for a first time...I mean, sort of.” Courtney bites her lip, trying not to think about how this wouldn’t actually be their first time.

“Okay.” Bianca takes a deep breath. She’s ready to claw down the curtains, but she doesn’t want to make Courtney feel bad. “Yeah, if you’re not comfortable, then-”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disappoint you.”

“No, I get it. Sorry if I seemed too-”

“It’s okay. I just...want things to be…”

“I know.”

Courtney swallows, lacing her fingers into Bianca’s.

“I care about you so much, B.”

“Me too.” Bianca places a gentle kiss on her cheek, but her mind is racing. She cares? What happened to love? Why are we backtracking? Calm down, calm down, she probably means it in a good way.

***

Later, when Bianca slides into bed, she’s still feeling a bit unsure of where they stand. Her insecurity is alleviated when Courtney snuggles into her, pulling Bianca’s arms around her from behind and sighing deeply. She seems content and happy and it has an immediate calming effect on Bianca’s nerves.  

Bianca buries her face into Courtney’s hair, breathing in deeply, moving some of the wavy tresses aside to kiss her neck. Her arms tighten around Courtney’s slender body, pulling her impossibly close as her lips continue to trace patterns on her neck and shoulder.

“B-”

“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna go near your...bathing suit area,” Bianca promises.

“My what?”

“You know, your...downstairs.”

Courtney flips around, puzzled amusement contorting her features.

“Downstairs?” she asks skeptically.

“What...what do you call it?”

“Uh, I don’t know. Pussy?” Courtney says, and Bianca grimaces. “Or cunt.”

Bianca’s brow furrows deeper, letting out a disgusted, “Ughh!”

“Well, I’m certainly not going to adopt ‘downstairs,’” Courtney laughs.

“Fine, but do we have to be so…” Bianca’s nose wrinkles.

“Do you have any other suggestions?”

After a brief pause, Bianca offers up an angelic smile, dimples deep, and then asks, “Hoo-ha?”

“Absolutely fucking not!” Courtney shrieks, still laughing.

“Sorry. I guess I was brought up to be a little…”

“Repressed?”

“I was gonna say ‘ladylike,’” Bianca corrects her.

“Oh yeah. That’s you. Delicate as fuck.” Courtney grins.

“Listen…”

“Yes?”

“...I have nothing. You win. We’ll call it whatever you want.”

Courtney giggles again, snuggling close and murmuring, “I love you…”

Bianca runs a hand through her hair, smiling to herself as she whispers back, “I love you more.”

***

“How are you feeling today?” Bob asks, as Bianca settles down onto the sofa.

“I’m feeling...great, actually.” A smile pulls at Bianca’s lips. “I’ve had a good week.”

“That’s wonderful. Do you want to tell me about it?”

“Yeah, um.” Bianca pauses, letting the happiness sink in a little before she continues. She’s almost bursting at the seams, anxious to share her news, but at the same time, she feels protective about it - pure joy has been so rare for her lately. Maybe dissecting it in therapy isn’t the best idea.

“You were going home for the weekend, for a wedding. Did you enjoy that?”

“Oh! Yeah, that was great. Um, super fun, and...uh, yeah. It was really nice to see everyone. And I got to eat a lot of fried shit, which was very exciting.”

“Sounds fabulous,” Bob laughs.

“And then...when I got home…” Bianca glances out the window, that secret smile making her dimples appear. “Things finally happened with Courtney. Like...for real.” She turns back to Bob, biting her lip.

“Wow. That’s something you’ve been anticipating for a long time.”

“Tell me about it,” Bianca giggles. “It feels like we’ve been waiting forever.”

“And has it been what you expected? So far?”

“Well, it’s only been a few days, but...I feel like it’s even better than I expected. She’s just so...warm. And kind. And beautiful. I just keep looking at her wondering how I go so lucky.” Bianca’s cheeks have begun to heat up a little, embarrassed at how much she’s gushing.

Bob smiles and makes a quick note.

“Have you had any challenges?”

“Uh, no. She’s perfect.” Bianca laughs again,

“Courtney’s perfect...noted,” Bob says, eyebrow arched.

“No, I know that nobody is perfect. I mean...she’s really messy and kinda disorganized.”

“And that bothers you?”

“Well...it’s kind of cute, actually.” Bianca giggles. “But you know what, get back to me in a few weeks.”

Bob chuckles and folds her hands.

“Fair enough. Let’s put a pin in that for now. What about you? We already know that you’re not perfect.”

“Thanks, doc,” Bianca scoffs.

“I think you know what I mean. You’ve been dealing with a lot of heavy stuff and hormones on top of everything. It would be normal to be sensitive, edgy, anxious, moody. So how are you, overall?”

“I’m great. I’m...I haven’t been happy like this in...I don’t know. Maybe ever. I’m just trying to enjoy it.”

“And you should.” Bob makes another note. “Listen, I’m not trying to invent problems for you that don’t exist. I just want to make sure you’re checking in with yourself enough. Sometimes, when we’re in this kind of honeymoon stage, we can ignore our needs because they don’t feel as pressing.”

“I don’t know if ‘honeymoon’ is the right description,” Bianca says with a chuckle.  

“What do you mean?”

“Oh.” Bianca shook her head. “I was kinda kidding. Just because...well, we haven’t slept together yet. I mean, we’ve slept in the same bed, but just not...”

“Got it.”

“And, you know, it’s fine, it’s just that I’ve been like...extremely hard-up, if you catch my drift. People warned me that it would happen at this point in my pregnancy, so I’m not really surprised. Plus, it doesn’t hurt that she’s smoking hot. So yeah.” Bianca sighs.

“So...a problem? Not a problem?”

“No, I’m fine with waiting. She hasn’t been ready, so…and I’m trying not to take it personally, because like, there’s a little voice in my head saying that she’s just not into me like that right now. Or maybe just like, even the idea of me being pregnant is weird for her; my body is different and that’s...I don’t know. I’m not too worried,” Bianca insists, aware that she’s begun babbling.

Reel it back in. Come on.

Bianca smiles brightly before continuing, determined not to be the douchebag whining about her girlfriend not putting out.

“I’m sure it’ll happen soon. And if not, I’ll just continue my monogamous relationship with the shower massager,” Bianca finishes with a smirk, pleased with herself for injecting some humor into the situation, especially when Bob laughs.

“You know,” Bob says, folding her hands. “...there could be a lot of reasons that she’s not ready. Have you talked to her about it?”

“No! No, I don’t want to make a big out of it. And she’s had like...reasons, so. I think it’s just that I’m fully ready to jump through fire to be with her. So anything she says feels like kind of a weak excuse. Which is my problem, not hers.”

“Maybe she doesn’t take sex lightly?”

Bianca raises her eyebrows, giving a look of such dismissive disdain to this suggestion that Bob chuckles.

“Okay, well, maybe she’s not taking sex with you lightly.”

“Right. Maybe. But...it’s not like this would be our first time. And I mean, anything would be better than that.”

“You’ve had sex with her before?” Bob looks puzzled.

“Yeah. Back when...a few months ago. We’d been drinking a lot, and things got a little...uh...complicated.”

“A few months ago, you were still with Jared, correct?”

Bianca shifts a little.

“Yeah. Uh...he was there too.”

“I see.”

“Jared always had kind of a...he knew I liked girls, and he liked...watching it. So when he saw us together, I guess he got it in his head that it would be...um, I dunno exactly what he was thinking. But he convinced her to come home with us.”

“And...what happened when she went home with you?”

“You want details? Wow, Bob, didn’t take you for the kinky type.”

Bob rolls her eyes slightly, and Bianca sighs.

“Well, the truth is, I don’t remember much. I know we were together, but it was kind of hard to focus on that, because seeing her with Jared was so-” Bianca cringes, clearing her throat.

“She was with Jared?”

“Yeah.” Bianca closes her eyes. “She didn’t really want to, but he kind of...insisted.”

“Insisted?” Bob’s head tilts, concerned. “Did Jared assault her?”

“No! No, that’s not...I mean…” Bianca’s palms start to itch, pulse quickening.

“Okay. So after this...let’s just say ‘coerced’ sex with your husband...what happened? Did you discuss it?”

Bianca shook her head, blood rushing to her ears.

“No. She tried, but I...I couldn’t...oh, shit.” A small whimper escapes her throat as she realizes the gravity of her selfishness. “God, I’m such an asshole.” A choked sob follows, the walls of the room closing in on her. Her knuckles are white, fingers gripping a throw pillow for dear life.

“Bianca...look at me. Take a deep breath, okay?”

Bianca lifts her eyes, cloudy with tears, and follows Bob’s gentle instructions until her breathing returns to normal.

Bob pulls her planner off the table and flips it open, clearing her throat.

“I think we better schedule a session with both of you. Sooner the better.”

Bianca nods, dread washing over her like a wave.

***

“Okay, I made two trays of it. Yours has real cheese, and they both have tofu for added protein...what do you think?” Courtney displays the lasagna proudly.

It looks and smells delicious, and despite Bianca’s nerves doing a number on her stomach, she realizes that she’s actually insanely hungry. She can’t believe how quickly Courtney’s mastered Italian food, simply because she said it was her favorite. She silently adds it to the endless list of reasons to love her.

“It looks fantastic. And I’m starving; I can’t wait to try it.”

Courtney smiles and begins to dish out portions.

“Oh shit, it’s really hot. Um, if you’re hungry, you can start on the salad? And there’s some leftover chicken if you want to add that. You know, protein boost.” As usual, Courtney’s biggest concern is making sure that Bianca has everything she needs at all times.

“Thanks. I’m okay, I can wait a minute.”

“I don’t want you to suffer,” Courtney says, and Bianca lets out a soft chuckle.

“Careful, your halo is showing.”

Courtney laughs and gives Bianca a wink as she carries the plates to the table.

“Well, you know me. I love to show off.”  

“Yeah,” Bianca approaches her at the table, wrapping her hands around her waist. “Thank you for making dinner. It looks great.”

“Yeah?” Courtney’s lips ghost against hers, breath warm and gentle.

“Mmhmm. You’re a dream.”

“Good dream or bad dream?” Courtney asks somberly, and Bianca pretends to think.

“Ummm...I guess we’ll find out, huh?”

“I thought you were hungry.” Courtney’s fingers play with her hair.

“I am, but I need to ask you...um…do you have any plans tomorrow, after work?” Bianca’s stomach twists uncomfortably.

“Plans without you?” Courtney shakes her head, amused, as if this is too ridiculous an idea to contemplate. “No, why?”

“Well...um, Bob thinks it would be good to do a session with both of us. I mean, if that’s okay with you.” Bianca waits for an answer, chest tight.

“Of course, B.” Courtney presses a kiss against her temple. “Anything you need.”

***

Courtney’s not sure what to expect. Her experience with therapy before now has been pretty minimal, and from what Bianca’s told her, it’s hard to imagine what Bob will be like. The first thing she notices (besides Bob’s height, as she towers over both of them) is her voice. It’s sharp and a bit sardonic--she’s obviously witty, which explains why Bianca likes her--but when she addresses Bianca, her tone gets almost tender, and immediately puts Courtney at ease.

She settles beside Bianca on the sofa, some of her nerves dissipating, open to whatever Bob thinks she needs to hear in order to support Bianca through this journey.

“Hi Courtney. Thanks for coming in.”

“No problem. I know that B’s been through a really rough time, so anything that I can do to help…”

Courtney rests a hand on Bianca’s thigh, and the warmth of the simple gesture immediately makes Bianca feel secure, combatting the uneasiness she’s been feeling all day.

“So, of course, last time you were here, Bianca, we discussed your evolving relationship. And how you’ve been feeling about it.”

“Yeah. It’s been great,” Bianca says, tucking a strand of hair behind Courtney’s ear.

“Totally great,” Courtney echoes, beaming back at her.  

“I expressed some concerns to Bianca that when you’re in a new relationship, it’s easy to be blinded by how good it feels. And when you’re healing, it’s important to take the time to think about the full picture.”

“I totally agree!” Courtney says. “That’s why we waited so long. I wanted to make sure that B was in a better place, and that it wasn’t just like, a rebound or...an escape.”

“I told you she was smart,” Bianca says, and Courtney leans against her shoulder.

“I just want to support you,” Courtney tells her. “I want you to feel safe, and loved, and...happy.”

“I do, baby,” Bianca whispers softly, into her hair.

“And what about you, Courtney?” Bob asks.

“Sorry?”

“Do you feel safe? Loved? Appreciated?”

“Definitely!” Courtney exclaims, grinning.

“That’s good. Because you know, this has to work both ways,” Bob tells her.

Courtney’s brow furrows slightly.

“I know that. But...sorry, I just thought we were here for B.” Courtney glances at her, then back at Bob. “I mean, you’re her therapist, right? Not mine?”

“That’s true. But if we’re talking about a relationship, it’s probably better to think of me as a kind of impartial sounding board.”

“Okay…” Courtney looks at Bianca again. “Is everything okay? I mean...are you okay? Did I do something wrong?”

“No!” Bianca insists, the unsettled feeling in her chest blossoming into fear as her heart begins to race.

“Courtney, I want to assure that there are no ulterior motives here,” Bob says. “Bianca had nothing but lovely, positive things to say about you. And from what I can tell, everything she said is true. So...no, you’ve done nothing wrong.”

Courtney relaxes a little bit, leaning back against the cushions and nodding.

“That said, she did tell me something that I found troubling.” Bob looks at Bianca questioningly. “Do you want to tell Courtney why I asked you to bring her?”

Bianca swallows what feels like a mouthful of sawdust. Anxiety gnaws at her stomach. “Umm...I don’t really know where to…” She trails off, avoiding Courtney’s eyes, that look of panic that’s bound to be all over her face.  

“Okay, well, we were talking about physical intimacy,” Bob says, trying to guide Bianca along.

“Yeah. Um...I guess I mentioned that we’d had that...thing. Earlier this summer.” Bianca bites her lip.

“Oh…” Courtney’s chest tightens a bit. She’s been trying her best not to think about that night. That evening on the beach, when Bianca had confessed to her - that was all she needed to hear, really. She’d been overcome with relief that there was a logical explanation for Bianca’s behavior, that Bianca really did care about her. But she’d also been so concerned with Bianca’s well-being that any unresolved feelings of her own seemed unimportant. She’s thought about bringing it up again at some point, but it hasn’t ever felt like the right time.

“Courtney, I don’t want Bianca’s description to influence you too much here. But she did mention that you hadn’t really discussed it much. So I’m interested in hearing your perspective about that night.” Bob’s tone is light, but there’s a weight behind it that makes Courtney even more nervous.

“What exactly do you want to know?” Courtney looks skeptical, withdrawing into herself. Rehashing that night is the last thing she wants to do right now.

“Not about physical details. But just, emotionally. What was that like for you?” Bob clarifies.

“You mean, at the time? Or later?”

“Why don’t we start with how it felt in the moment?”

Courtney glances at Bianca, biting her lip.

“Are you sure you want us to talk about this? I thought we’d moved past it.”

“Yeah, I think...there might be some things that we didn’t really…” Bianca’s breath hitches. “You should answer.”

Courtney turns back to Bob, taking a deep breath.

“Okay, well...it was...great, mostly. I mean, the truth is that even though I didn’t like to admit it, I’ve wanted her since the moment we met.”

In spite of her anxiety, Bianca feels a small smile pulling at her mouth. Courtney’s never said that out loud, and hearing it makes her melt a little. But she knows that there’s bound to be more coming, more that she’s probably not going to want to hear. She takes a deep breath and listens to Courtney continue.

“And so...yeah, being with her, that way, was...it was a million fantasies coming true.” Courtney looks down at her hands. “But...I guess it was also a little bit sad, because I thought maybe it would be our only chance. Because, you know, I didn’t really know much about her relationship with Jared. So I just assumed...that would be it.”

“What was your impression of Jared?” Bob asks her.

“Uh. I didn’t love him? But, I was also so jealous that I couldn’t really be trusted to make a fair judgment,” she admits.

“So, it’s safe to say that you weren’t attracted to him?”

“What?! No, of course not,” Courtney exclaims. “What does this have to do with anything?”

Bob looks at Bianca, who speaks up in a small voice.

“I told her that you didn’t want to do it, but he kind of...made you,” Bianca’s breath hitches.

“Is that a fair description, Courtney?” Bob asks. “Did you feel coerced in any way?”

Courtney whirls back towards her, blood racing.

“What exactly are you implying?!”

“Sorry, I’m not trying to be vague. It sounds like a sexual assault to me. Is that how it felt?”

“No! No, it didn’t.”

Bob makes a note, nodding, and Courtney’s heart races in her chest. What kind of shit is she trying to pull? Courtney feels desperate to defend herself.

“Was it my ideal scenario? No. But I weighed the pros and cons and I made a choice,” Courtney insists. “I’m not a victim here.”

“Why don’t you tell Courtney what we say about the word ‘victim’?” Bob says to Bianca.

“We say ‘survivor,’” Bianca answers, voice breaking, whispering, “I’m sorry.”

Courtney looks at her. She seems like she’s in physical pain, knuckles white from gripping the pillow in her lap, brow furrowed and eyes dark and liquid. Seeing her face, Courtney is suddenly overcome with guilt.

“This isn’t what I agreed to,” Courtney says, shaking her head. She looks at Bob accusingly, anger rising to the surface. “I’m not here to make her feel bad; that’s not why I came.”

She moves closer to Bianca on the couch and puts a hand on her shoulder, trying her best to soothe her, ease her mind, as Bianca mumbles another tearful apology.

“I’m fine, B. You don’t need to apologize. Please don’t do this to yourself.”

Bianca allows Courtney to take her hand, squeezing her fingers tightly. Bob watches, giving them a few moments to collect themselves before speaking again, in a gentle but decisive voice.

“Courtney, I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. I just want to give you space for honest communication, alright?”

Courtney’s head snaps up. “Honest communication? That’s what you call this? This was an ambush!”

Bob closes her eyes and sighs.

“You know what, you’re right. I clearly didn’t approach this subject in the right way. I’m very sorry that you feel ambushed. That wasn’t the intention.”

Courtney folds her arms.

“Maybe I jumped to the wrong conclusions,” Bob continues. “Can you accept my apology?”

Courtney sighs, nodding.

“Do you want to clarify? Maybe, correct my assumptions?”

Courtney chews on her bottom lip, unsure exactly how to proceed, how much to admit to, then finally says, “I guess...I get why you thought...what you did. He was very determined. But I just...I don’t know how belaboring that will help Bianca. And that’s why we’re here, right?” Courtney takes Bianca’s hand again.

Bob pauses for a moment, considering her words carefully before speaking again.

“Let me describe what I’m seeing here. And again, this is just my impression. But what I see is someone who cares so much about her partner’s comfort that she’s pushing her own feelings aside. I see a lot of love, and a lot of compassion, and the potential for a beautiful relationship. But...you’re not going to get there without honesty. This man hurt both of you.” Courtney opens her mouth to protest, and Bob immediately relents, clarifying, “Not in the same way, and not to the same degree. But you’ve both been manipulated, and you’ve both been hurt. She needs to hear what it was like for you. I promise you, this is as much for Bianca as it is for you.”

“Well, it was…” Courtney sniffles. “I honestly don’t remember that part, I wasn’t really...there. I was just thinking that if I can just get through it, it would be okay. And it might be my only chance to be with her, so-”

“Talk to her…”

“-so even if it was just that one night, it would be...it would be worth it.” Courtney clings to Bianca’s hand.

“Was it worth it?” Bob asks.

“I...I can’t answer that.”

“Did it turn out how you expected?”

“At the time? No. In the morning, when she was-” Courtney pauses and turns to Bianca, “When you were gone, I still thought that maybe it would be okay. A lot happened, maybe you were just like...processing. It didn’t mean that you didn’t care. But then…”

Tears stream down Bianca’s cheeks. She knows what’s coming. This is the part she’s been dreading all day.

“I’m sorry, B.”

“It’s okay. Tell her,” Bob says softly.

“When you said that I...when you pushed me away, I...I just couldn’t understand. It was like, everything had been a lie, and it made me question whether I was even living in reality.”

“Sound familiar?” Bob asks Bianca.

Bianca nods, crying too much to answer. She starts to choke out another apology.

“It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean it. I mean, I know now.” Courtney gently dabs at Bianca’s cheeks with a tissue, her own vision blurry with tears. “I love you, B. I love you so much.”

“Then why don’t you want me?” Bianca blurts out, and Courtney looks at her with alarm.

“Don’t want you?! What-” Courtney stops, shaking her head in disbelief. “Of course I want you. I always have.”

“It just feels like something’s changed. Like...and maybe it’s me. Maybe you just aren’t attracted to me like this.” Bianca gestures down at her body, and Courtney’s head shakes even more vigorously.

“B, I’ve told you, you look beautiful. And to be honest, pretty much exactly the same. Okay? Please, I don’t know why you think I’m…” Courtney rubs her eyes. “I want you, okay? I just…I guess, part of me still worries that if we sleep together, it’ll all go to shit again. I’m not good at this; I don’t usually do relationships. And I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not gonna lose me, why would you think that?”

“I…” Courtney falters. “I don’t know.”

“May I offer a possible perspective here?” Bob asks. Courtney gestures for her to proceed. “So, the last time you were together, physically, what followed was silence, gaslighting and ultimately...rejection.”

“I don’t know...yeah. I guess.” Courtney lowers her eyes.

“So it’s not exactly a mystery why you’re feeling anxious about doing it again. Is it?”

“No,” Courtney sighs. “But it might be a little irrational.”

“Well, you know, we’re not always perfectly rational. And that’s okay. Look, I don’t think you should force anything. Or do anything before you’re ready. There are a lot of kinds of intimacy,” Bob says. “So, my advice would be to focus on that, and take sex out of the equation entirely.”

“Ugh,” Bianca groans slightly, and Courtney laughs, squeezing her hand.

“You’ll be fine, I promise,” Bob says, chuckling along. “I don’t mean forever. Just for now. Take the pressure off. Think of it as laying down a foundation...for your, uh...future house...I didn’t think this metaphor through.”

“I think we get it, doc.”

“Right. Well...we still have ten minutes left. Any other problems for me to solve?” Bob jokes, offering a bright smile.

***

Courtney collapses onto the couch, exhausted, nerves frayed.

“Oh my god, how do you do that every week?”

Bianca chuckles softly, sitting down beside her.

“This week it was twice.”

“Jesus.” Courtney pulls her in closer, eyes falling closed. “I know you’re probably hungry, but like...I can’t even think about cooking right now.”

“PostMates?” Bianca suggests, yawning.

“Fabulous.”

Bianca starts to sit up, but Courtney hugs her tight, cuddling closer.

“In a minute…” Courtney says.

“Okay.” Bianca nuzzles into her neck. She feels warm and safe, but guilty. There’s a lump rising in her throat. “I’m sorry…”

“Sorry for what, baby?” Courtney smoothes down her hair.

“I should never have let him touch you.”

“It’s not your fault, B.”

“And I should have told you...how I really felt about you. I should have told you so much sooner,” Bianca whispers.

“And how’s that?” Courtney asks, lips grazing Bianca’s forehead.

Bianca lifts up her head and looks her square in the eye, brow furrowed.

“...shut up,” she finally says, and Courtney bursts out laughing, snuggling close. 

#rpdr fanfiction #bianca del rio #bitney #adore delano #bob the drag queen #lesbian au #fluff #angst #undone #stephanie #veronica #tw discussion of emotional abuse #concrit welcome

[snastle]

That ‘only lesbians experience corrective rape’ bit that someone appended to @kagurasdragons​ post really has me upset so I’m going to talk about something I’ve never really discussed here (except with cas but w/e she’s special).

It’s okay to share this, the reason I wrote it is because this discussion is really important to me and I think it needed to be said. But now I’ve finished, this was a bit difficult to write and I think I’m going to have trouble going much further into the topic, just because of the headspace it’s got me in. Huge trigger warning for manipulation, emotional abuse, grooming, and rape.

The things touted by these aphobes to invalidate asexuality are the exact same arguments that rapists use to groom asexuals into abusive situations. When aces go to places like their tumblr or their fave dragon game and see this bullshit, it causes isolation, self doubt and deeply reinforces everything the rapists are saying.

Asexuals are very vulnerable to not only corrective rape but also manipulation, grooming and sexual abuse from partners who use their lack of sexual attraction to convince them that they don't understand how things work and what is acceptable or not. For example, I was convinced that I was 'abusing' my (now ex) husband by denying him sex - even though I am ace and also have endometriosis which makes sex terribly painful, forced or otherwise. Consent became a foreign concept, and sex became something I had to bite the pillow and endure to ‘earn’ any physical affection such as cuddling or even speaking to me with anything other than disdain and anger, which he had convinced me was impossible for him to express when he was ‘abused’ by being denied sex for longer than a week, that sex was the way normal people expressed love. It took a close friend to finally see what was happening and challenge my ideas, and I eventually left him and got out of there.

There is a word for sex without consent, it’s called rape. It’s not always physical force, sometimes it’s six years of grooming, emotional manipulation, strategic cutting-off of independence, all those things that minors are vulnerable to because they don’t have the experience or understanding of sexual stuff that adults do. That’s how minors are convinced to do deplorable things against their will and never talk. Child sexual abuse isn’t always a case of physical force, the children are often groomed into it. I’m not saying aces are childlike, I’m not comparing the two situations. My point here is that a lack of understanding can be used to manipulate, because do you know who else can lack that experience and understanding of how sexual stuff is? Who else shares that vulnerability? Who can be easily convinced that their sexuality is why they aren’t seeing the ‘truth’ of the situation? Who are told that their mindset is wrong and needs to be cured? Who are infantilised constantly about their lack of sexual attraction to put their abusers in a position of power? Asexuals. Not every single ace is so sex negative or so inexperienced, but many are, and this climate of exclusion and invalidation creates perfect victims. There are aces out there who have never been pinned down and physically forced, but they have been raped. And when their partner finishes and rolls over to sleep, they lie there bleeding and hurt, and cry and feel violated and vulnerable, and scared, and ashamed and dirty, and stupid for feeling that way. And they don’t question what their partner has done, because their asexuality isn’t real, they just need to try harder.

All this gatekeeping and aphobia is doing nothing but reinforcing what the rapists are saying. “Your feelings aren’t real, aces don’t count, see even the other sexualities won’t acknowledge you, you’re just broken, let me tell you how it really is.” That’s the kind of situation these aphobes, exclusionists and gatekeepers are facilitating by keeping aces alone, isolated, self-doubting and sad, just the way the abusers want them.

#not fr #aphobia #drama #rape #abuse #manipulation #really really sorry to have to post this but it's a discussion that's important to me and this is the place I have to take part in it. I jus #I dont post things like this usually #but it's got me wound up

[easyfoodnetwork]

Is the Government Just Going to Watch the Restaurant Industry Die?

Dani Berszt/Shutterstock

Without a bailout, independent restaurants face a disastrous fallout

A few months ago, as restaurants suffered through the first months of a devastating pandemic, chefs and restaurant owners across the country went on social media to call for a government bailout. In their pleas, they said that without government support, their restaurants would close for good. Neighborhoods would be reshaped; beloved watering holes would dry up and disappear. It was a bleak image of the future, with an urgent call to action — one that was more or less ignored by the federal government.

At the time, it was hard for me to imagine what a world without restaurants might look like. In the past several weeks, it’s gotten much easier. Since the onset of the pandemic, each day has brought a slow trickle of restaurant closures, but now, they’re coming in waves.

In New York, where the magnitude of closures is still unclear, the much-loved Thai restaurant Uncle Boons closed permanently on August 10, citing an inability to come to an agreement with their landlord. One of the city’s last Cuban-Chinese restaurants, La Caridad 78, also shuttered. After 41 years, Los Angeles Koreatown mainstay Dong Il Jang closed its doors, too. The last of the nation’s lesbian bars might not make it to the other side of the pandemic. Already, these closures are reshaping the landscapes of our cities. It’s hard to fully process the weight of each loss as the casualties stack up at an accelerating rate.

The shuttering restaurants are in every town and city, but the message is more or less the same wherever you look: The money ran out, options have been exhausted, the government assistance never came. According to numbers provided to Bloomberg by restaurant consultancy firm Aaron Allen & Associates, one-third of restaurants in the U.S. could close permanently this year. And according to a Yelp report, 60 percent of restaurants that have already closed won’t reopen.

With each announcement of another closing I find myself wondering if I could have done more as a customer. I bought the gift cards, the tote bags, and the branded swag; I ordered takeout and left tips as substantial as I could afford. But no amount of individual action — a $50 gift card here, a 30 percent tip there — will save the restaurant industry. What restaurants need is a show of financial support only the government can provide.

In the absence of that support, restaurants scrambling to pay rent, repay vendors, or meet the forgiveness requirements of their Paycheck Protection Program (PPP) loans — namely, keeping a majority of staff on payroll — have gone to dystopian lengths to stay open. In San Francisco, for instance, a restaurant seats its wealthy clientele in plastic domes to insulate them from the threats of the outside world. “We’re talking about domes because our nation’s pandemic response didn’t take advantage of the lessons learned by other nations,” writes San Francisco Chronicle restaurant critic Soleil Ho. “[B]ecause our healthcare system isn’t accessible to people at all income levels; because there is no stimulus for the undocumented immigrants who feed the country … because both restaurateurs and working class people who cannot do their jobs remotely have had to choose between their health and their livelihoods.”

A chaotic and disjointed response from the federal government and a patchwork of local guidelines and ordinances have forced restaurants and their workers into an impossible position. Restaurant owners have little choice but to stay open for business, and their employees risk serious illness — or death — to collect a paycheck.

These aren’t the kinds of choices restaurateurs should be making during a deadly pandemic. This ultimatum shouldn’t be forced upon often-underpaid waiters, line cooks, and dishwashers. It’s a monumental failing that we have made restaurant owners and workers choose between their livelihoods and their lives.

As the coronavirus pandemic first spread across the country, restaurants should have been provided with the resources to remain closed, protecting both their workers and the general public. Instead, the pressure to fuel the economy and meet the requirements of loan forgiveness pushed restaurants into hastily reopening.

Among the PPP program’s many shortcomings was its failure to reach businesses owned by women and people of color, with enormous sums of money instead being directed to franchise locations of national chain restaurants. For restaurant owners who did receive funding, a majority of that money was expected to be used on payroll, and for the loan to be forgiven a majority of staff had to be rehired. This was, from the start, illogical, since restaurants in most states still haven’t been able to reopen at full capacity, and rehiring a full staff to operate a mostly empty restaurant only spells a slower demise.

Where restaurants and bars do reopen for indoor dining, COVID-19 cases tend to spike. In response to the frightening rise in cases, government officials who so recently preached the importance of getting back to businesses as usual walk back reopenings, workers are once again unemployed, and restaurateurs must adjust and try to figure out how they’ll pay another month’s rent. It is, to put it simply, a total mess.

As the weather begins to cool off and outdoor dining in chillier parts of the country loses its appeal, the situation will only become more dire, and the need for government action more urgent. Restaurants in states that have yet to reopen for indoor dining and rely on patio spaces or sidewalk tables likely won’t have the cash to last more than a single cycle of rent or payroll. Unless help comes soon, there will be an immense rush of closures this winter.

Financially propping up restaurants to make it through the end of the year won’t insulate the industry from many of the challenges ahead — particularly if the support, like PPP loans, fails to reach many of those who need it most — but it would significantly help prevent the wave of closures we’re seeing now. A bill like the Real Economic Support That Acknowledges Unique Restaurant Assistance Needed to Survive (RESTAURANTS) Act of 2020, introduced in late May by Rep. Earl Blumenauer of Oregon, would go a long way in providing this support. Tailored more specifically to small businesses than PPP funding was, the bill would make $120 billion accessible to restaurants, in the form of grants that — unlike PPP loans — would not need to be paid back.

The bill faces an uphill battle, and if it does see the light of day, it will likely do so only after hundreds — if not thousands — more restaurants have closed. Negotiations over a fifth coronavirus relief package have stalled, and with funding for a service as essential as sending a postcard or a ballot up for debate, it’s hard to imagine restaurant relief will come soon. In an email statement to Eater, Blumenauer says his office is “doing everything we can to try and pass this bipartisan bill quickly to ensure that restaurants — and their workers — get the support they need to get through this unprecedented health crisis.”

If passed, a program like the RESTAURANTS Act could incentivize an action that should have been taken months ago: a national pause on indoor dining. Restaurant workers shouldn’t have to put themselves in harm’s way to make a living, and restaurant owners should be given a choice other than to reopen hastily or to close for good. Grant money could infuse these businesses with enough cash to keep their dining rooms closed, while offering takeout and curbside pickup. In addition to a bill propping up restaurants, enhanced unemployment benefits must be strengthened and extended past the end of the year — this comes with its own challenges for struggling state governments — before what is likely to be a brutal convergence of COVID-19 and flu season this fall.

Restaurants that manage to hold on through the end of the year still won’t be out of the woods: There’s still the question of how they’ll sustain operations into 2021. In San Leandro, California, Noodles Pho Me is one of very few Bay Area restaurants serving Lao-style pho, and was on the brink of closure earlier this month when its owners negotiated a deal with the landlord. The lowering of rent will allow the restaurant to remain open through the end of the year. This news brought a sigh of relief, a relaxing of the shoulders for Noodles Pho Me’s owners and many fans. “We teetered almost to the verge of bankruptcy,” the restaurant’s co-owner Tong Sengsourith tells Eater SF. It wasn’t just a question of how the restaurant was going to pay rent month-to-month, but also how they could afford to pay what would amount to more than $30,000 in missed rent at the end of the year.

At B&H Dairy, one of New York’s last kosher lunch counters, a sign in the window welcomes customers. But on August 19, a message on the restaurant’s Instagram account warned that the struggle is far from over for the diner, which has been in business since 1938. “Anyone who is under the impression that because a restaurant [is] ‘open,’ all is ‘back to normal,’ is not grasping the reality of the pandemic and its consequences,” the post reads. The restaurant, which, according to the post, is only bringing in about 10 percent of the revenue it did before the pandemic, still has rent, payroll, and utilities to cover. To pay its bills, the restaurant launched a crowdfunding campaign. “We applied for all appropriate relief loans and grants from various city and government agencies, none of which have been granted so far, except for one tiny grant early on, which covered a fraction of one month’s rent, and has since been repaid,” the Instagram post continues. “To date, though several applications are pending, we have received no further government assistance or relief.”

For restaurants like Noodles Pho Me and B&H Dairy, which avoid being swept up in the first wave of closures, 2021 will bring more challenges. Businesses will scramble to make up for thousands of dollars in lost income, to repay debts to vendors, to pay back months of rent. They, too, will need government support.

“Restaurants don’t typically maintain enough cash flow to get through a week of closure, never mind half a year,” says Lana Porcello, co-owner of the restaurant Outerlands in San Francisco. “Many of us carry a fair amount of debt as part of our long-range model. It’s the nature of our industry, and hopefully one that will change now that so many of its fractures have been revealed through this experience.” Porcello, who opted to close her restaurant for the duration of San Francisco’s shelter-in-place, says that restaurants need “creative autonomy” to decide how to spend relief funds, and that one size won’t fit all when it comes to a solution. “Restaurants will not survive without direct relief, and the freedom to structure how that relief must be applied based on their circumstances,” she says. “Right now, the RESTAURANTS Act is our most viable potential lifeline.”

In Emeryville, California, Fernay McPherson, chef-owner of Southern restaurant Minnie Bell’s, echoes just how bad things will get if help doesn’t come soon. “Many of us are definitely at jeopardy of closing if there is no bailout,” McPherson recently told me via email. “A lot of restaurants are accumulating debt via loans or depleting whatever funds they have left, the hole is going to be too big to get out of which will result in many more restaurant doors closing.”

We’ve been so focused on an urgent return to normalcy that in the process, we’ve chipped away at any real chance we have of saving the restaurants and bars we miss so much. As Eater’s Jaya Saxena puts it: “the question is being presented not as ‘when will the pandemic be under control?’ but rather ‘when can we start making money again?’ That framing puts the wellbeing of business over the wellbeing of people, to already confounding results. It’s pretty clear that where dining rooms have reopened, safety measures often exist in direct opposition to how a restaurant is supposed to operate.”

If restaurants don’t see monetary relief soon, and restaurant workers aren’t provided with the financial support they need to safely make it through the pandemic, the suffering will needlessly continue, and there will be no normal to return to.

from Eater - All https://ift.tt/3hEe2Ea https://ift.tt/34J7mRl

Dani Berszt/Shutterstock

Without a bailout, independent restaurants face a disastrous fallout

A few months ago, as restaurants suffered through the first months of a devastating pandemic, chefs and restaurant owners across the country went on social media to call for a government bailout. In their pleas, they said that without government support, their restaurants would close for good. Neighborhoods would be reshaped; beloved watering holes would dry up and disappear. It was a bleak image of the future, with an urgent call to action — one that was more or less ignored by the federal government.

At the time, it was hard for me to imagine what a world without restaurants might look like. In the past several weeks, it’s gotten much easier. Since the onset of the pandemic, each day has brought a slow trickle of restaurant closures, but now, they’re coming in waves.

In New York, where the magnitude of closures is still unclear, the much-loved Thai restaurant Uncle Boons closed permanently on August 10, citing an inability to come to an agreement with their landlord. One of the city’s last Cuban-Chinese restaurants, La Caridad 78, also shuttered. After 41 years, Los Angeles Koreatown mainstay Dong Il Jang closed its doors, too. The last of the nation’s lesbian bars might not make it to the other side of the pandemic. Already, these closures are reshaping the landscapes of our cities. It’s hard to fully process the weight of each loss as the casualties stack up at an accelerating rate.

The shuttering restaurants are in every town and city, but the message is more or less the same wherever you look: The money ran out, options have been exhausted, the government assistance never came. According to numbers provided to Bloomberg by restaurant consultancy firm Aaron Allen & Associates, one-third of restaurants in the U.S. could close permanently this year. And according to a Yelp report, 60 percent of restaurants that have already closed won’t reopen.

With each announcement of another closing I find myself wondering if I could have done more as a customer. I bought the gift cards, the tote bags, and the branded swag; I ordered takeout and left tips as substantial as I could afford. But no amount of individual action — a $50 gift card here, a 30 percent tip there — will save the restaurant industry. What restaurants need is a show of financial support only the government can provide.

In the absence of that support, restaurants scrambling to pay rent, repay vendors, or meet the forgiveness requirements of their Paycheck Protection Program (PPP) loans — namely, keeping a majority of staff on payroll — have gone to dystopian lengths to stay open. In San Francisco, for instance, a restaurant seats its wealthy clientele in plastic domes to insulate them from the threats of the outside world. “We’re talking about domes because our nation’s pandemic response didn’t take advantage of the lessons learned by other nations,” writes San Francisco Chronicle restaurant critic Soleil Ho. “[B]ecause our healthcare system isn’t accessible to people at all income levels; because there is no stimulus for the undocumented immigrants who feed the country … because both restaurateurs and working class people who cannot do their jobs remotely have had to choose between their health and their livelihoods.”

A chaotic and disjointed response from the federal government and a patchwork of local guidelines and ordinances have forced restaurants and their workers into an impossible position. Restaurant owners have little choice but to stay open for business, and their employees risk serious illness — or death — to collect a paycheck.

These aren’t the kinds of choices restaurateurs should be making during a deadly pandemic. This ultimatum shouldn’t be forced upon often-underpaid waiters, line cooks, and dishwashers. It’s a monumental failing that we have made restaurant owners and workers choose between their livelihoods and their lives.

As the coronavirus pandemic first spread across the country, restaurants should have been provided with the resources to remain closed, protecting both their workers and the general public. Instead, the pressure to fuel the economy and meet the requirements of loan forgiveness pushed restaurants into hastily reopening.

Among the PPP program’s many shortcomings was its failure to reach businesses owned by women and people of color, with enormous sums of money instead being directed to franchise locations of national chain restaurants. For restaurant owners who did receive funding, a majority of that money was expected to be used on payroll, and for the loan to be forgiven a majority of staff had to be rehired. This was, from the start, illogical, since restaurants in most states still haven’t been able to reopen at full capacity, and rehiring a full staff to operate a mostly empty restaurant only spells a slower demise.

Where restaurants and bars do reopen for indoor dining, COVID-19 cases tend to spike. In response to the frightening rise in cases, government officials who so recently preached the importance of getting back to businesses as usual walk back reopenings, workers are once again unemployed, and restaurateurs must adjust and try to figure out how they’ll pay another month’s rent. It is, to put it simply, a total mess.

As the weather begins to cool off and outdoor dining in chillier parts of the country loses its appeal, the situation will only become more dire, and the need for government action more urgent. Restaurants in states that have yet to reopen for indoor dining and rely on patio spaces or sidewalk tables likely won’t have the cash to last more than a single cycle of rent or payroll. Unless help comes soon, there will be an immense rush of closures this winter.

Financially propping up restaurants to make it through the end of the year won’t insulate the industry from many of the challenges ahead — particularly if the support, like PPP loans, fails to reach many of those who need it most — but it would significantly help prevent the wave of closures we’re seeing now. A bill like the Real Economic Support That Acknowledges Unique Restaurant Assistance Needed to Survive (RESTAURANTS) Act of 2020, introduced in late May by Rep. Earl Blumenauer of Oregon, would go a long way in providing this support. Tailored more specifically to small businesses than PPP funding was, the bill would make $120 billion accessible to restaurants, in the form of grants that — unlike PPP loans — would not need to be paid back.

The bill faces an uphill battle, and if it does see the light of day, it will likely do so only after hundreds — if not thousands — more restaurants have closed. Negotiations over a fifth coronavirus relief package have stalled, and with funding for a service as essential as sending a postcard or a ballot up for debate, it’s hard to imagine restaurant relief will come soon. In an email statement to Eater, Blumenauer says his office is “doing everything we can to try and pass this bipartisan bill quickly to ensure that restaurants — and their workers — get the support they need to get through this unprecedented health crisis.”

If passed, a program like the RESTAURANTS Act could incentivize an action that should have been taken months ago: a national pause on indoor dining. Restaurant workers shouldn’t have to put themselves in harm’s way to make a living, and restaurant owners should be given a choice other than to reopen hastily or to close for good. Grant money could infuse these businesses with enough cash to keep their dining rooms closed, while offering takeout and curbside pickup. In addition to a bill propping up restaurants, enhanced unemployment benefits must be strengthened and extended past the end of the year — this comes with its own challenges for struggling state governments — before what is likely to be a brutal convergence of COVID-19 and flu season this fall.

Restaurants that manage to hold on through the end of the year still won’t be out of the woods: There’s still the question of how they’ll sustain operations into 2021. In San Leandro, California, Noodles Pho Me is one of very few Bay Area restaurants serving Lao-style pho, and was on the brink of closure earlier this month when its owners negotiated a deal with the landlord. The lowering of rent will allow the restaurant to remain open through the end of the year. This news brought a sigh of relief, a relaxing of the shoulders for Noodles Pho Me’s owners and many fans. “We teetered almost to the verge of bankruptcy,” the restaurant’s co-owner Tong Sengsourith tells Eater SF. It wasn’t just a question of how the restaurant was going to pay rent month-to-month, but also how they could afford to pay what would amount to more than $30,000 in missed rent at the end of the year.

At B&H Dairy, one of New York’s last kosher lunch counters, a sign in the window welcomes customers. But on August 19, a message on the restaurant’s Instagram account warned that the struggle is far from over for the diner, which has been in business since 1938. “Anyone who is under the impression that because a restaurant [is] ‘open,’ all is ‘back to normal,’ is not grasping the reality of the pandemic and its consequences,” the post reads. The restaurant, which, according to the post, is only bringing in about 10 percent of the revenue it did before the pandemic, still has rent, payroll, and utilities to cover. To pay its bills, the restaurant launched a crowdfunding campaign. “We applied for all appropriate relief loans and grants from various city and government agencies, none of which have been granted so far, except for one tiny grant early on, which covered a fraction of one month’s rent, and has since been repaid,” the Instagram post continues. “To date, though several applications are pending, we have received no further government assistance or relief.”

For restaurants like Noodles Pho Me and B&H Dairy, which avoid being swept up in the first wave of closures, 2021 will bring more challenges. Businesses will scramble to make up for thousands of dollars in lost income, to repay debts to vendors, to pay back months of rent. They, too, will need government support.

“Restaurants don’t typically maintain enough cash flow to get through a week of closure, never mind half a year,” says Lana Porcello, co-owner of the restaurant Outerlands in San Francisco. “Many of us carry a fair amount of debt as part of our long-range model. It’s the nature of our industry, and hopefully one that will change now that so many of its fractures have been revealed through this experience.” Porcello, who opted to close her restaurant for the duration of San Francisco’s shelter-in-place, says that restaurants need “creative autonomy” to decide how to spend relief funds, and that one size won’t fit all when it comes to a solution. “Restaurants will not survive without direct relief, and the freedom to structure how that relief must be applied based on their circumstances,” she says. “Right now, the RESTAURANTS Act is our most viable potential lifeline.”

In Emeryville, California, Fernay McPherson, chef-owner of Southern restaurant Minnie Bell’s, echoes just how bad things will get if help doesn’t come soon. “Many of us are definitely at jeopardy of closing if there is no bailout,” McPherson recently told me via email. “A lot of restaurants are accumulating debt via loans or depleting whatever funds they have left, the hole is going to be too big to get out of which will result in many more restaurant doors closing.”

We’ve been so focused on an urgent return to normalcy that in the process, we’ve chipped away at any real chance we have of saving the restaurants and bars we miss so much. As Eater’s Jaya Saxena puts it: “the question is being presented not as ‘when will the pandemic be under control?’ but rather ‘when can we start making money again?’ That framing puts the wellbeing of business over the wellbeing of people, to already confounding results. It’s pretty clear that where dining rooms have reopened, safety measures often exist in direct opposition to how a restaurant is supposed to operate.”

If restaurants don’t see monetary relief soon, and restaurant workers aren’t provided with the financial support they need to safely make it through the pandemic, the suffering will needlessly continue, and there will be no normal to return to.

from Eater - All https://ift.tt/3hEe2Ea via Blogger https://ift.tt/3lsao2y

#Blogger #cooking #Eater #food #recipes

[docholligay]

Under the Sea

The commission for @yamadara87 this month! I hope you like it! If you’d like more of my writing, including a new Mystery and Shadow to be dropped tomorrow, check me out at my Patreon! 2012 words. 

Michiru Kaioh, whenever asked what she would like for her birthday, smiled and said she was too old for anything too dramatic, and that she would very likely go to dinner with Haruka, perhaps take in a play.

What she did not say was that mostly, she simply wished to be left alone.

The last party she remembered having was her 16th, thrown by her parents to fete her burgeoning womanhood, or so the story goes. It had been the same as all her parents’ other parties, with lavish decor, champagne flowing, a cake decorated in the most lavish and expensive way possible, floral arrangements with crystal details, live music, and all the empty fineries of the world.

The first party she remembered wanting was when she was four. She had wanted a Little Mermaid party, and her parents had agreed. For weeks, she had looked forward to seeing the bright haired singing mermaid atop her cake, with her loveable yellow and blue friend, and the grumpy crab that always made her laugh.

When the day came, her 4th birthday party varied precious little from her 16th, the only nod to Michiru’s request the decor on the cake, mermaids singing on the shoreline and even they invoked Waterhouse in smooth lines and soothing colors, with none of the technicolor glow that entranced Michiru’s little heart.

And so, on that day, she learned that birthday parties were never for her, and always for others, and she dropped them as soon as socially permissible.

“Anyway that’s why I’m not throwing her a birthday party,” Haruka said, weaving some version of the above tale, “I never do. She hates it.”

“Okay, but I love an excuse to use Michiru’s black card,” Mina leaned over on the couch and grabbed a chicken strip from Haruka’s plate, “you never do what I want to do.”

Haruka withdrew her plate. “Get your own!”

“All this lesbian selfishness.” She shook her head as she gnawed on the chicken strip. “So what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” Haruka dipped her strip in ketchup thoughtfully, “You know, Michiru’s the reason I stopped hating my birthday. I wish--I wish I could do that with parties for her.”

“Ah well,” Mina slumped back into the couch. “She’ll like whatever you do.”

Haruka shrugged, disappointed. “Yeah.”

___

One of Mina’s finest strengths was her own control of her element. Other people might not have said this of her, but, then again, others were not available of what her element really was. But she had seen it clearly the day she began to swing a chain made of other people’s hearts, and few people realized that Rei was not the only one with a deft skill and a subtle hand at her trade.

A normal person might have simply bought festively colored plates, commissioned a cake, and set about buying invitations. But Mina had often observed that most people did not live with the idea of a challenge, and, in any case, perhaps the greatest act of kindness she could bestow upon Michiru was not forcing her to thank Mina for anything.

Also she couldn’t see any of the senshi helping out of the goodness of their hearts, unless she played it off just right.

Luckily, again, her element sparkled.

And so it took her very little time to set the events of her triumph in motion.

“Did you know Michiru’s birthday’s coming up?” Mina looked over at Usagi halfway, then turned back to her magazine.

“Yes!” Usagi answered brightly, and then puzzled. “Wonder what we should get her.”

“Yeah,” Mina turned the page disinterestedly, “Just gotta find a good time to give it to her. Because she never has parties, she got too disappointed when she was a kid. Broke her heart.”

“I’m not sure I think that’s physically possible, Mina.” Ami did not look up from her homework.

“Oh Ami, it’s an expression! She doesn’t mean her PHYSICAL heart!” Usagi laughed brightly, but Ami did not correct herself, and Usagi turned to Mina. “What happened when she was a kid?”

“Oh, she never talks about it,” Mina set down the magazine she had never been reading, “But when she was a little girl, she adored the Little Mermaid. It makes sense, doesn’t it, each of us remembering our past lives, each remembering how we would be drawn to you? It was something she didn’t know yet but her heart must have seen,” she touched her fingers to her chest, her eyes far off, and Rei huffed heavily and rolled her eyes, “must have known she was connected to the water. She was promised this party. Oh, she was so excited, Usagi! Imagine little Michiru, clutching a stuffed Flounder, waiting for her own magical tale under the sea!” She gripped Usagi’s hands in her own, as Usagi’s eyes grew wide.

“But?” Usagi nodded

“The day came,” Mina’s voice grew sad, “and for all the glitter and glitz...it was never meant to be her party. No Ariel, no Sebastian, No Flounder. They didn’t even invite any of her friends, just her parents associates and Michiru, poor little Michiru, OUR OWN little mermaid, was so filled with anguish that she cried under the stairs, HER OWN OCEAN against her cheeks.”

If she could have seen the look the other three girls were giving her, she might have been ashamed.

But probably not.

Usagi snapped to attention, the perfect soldier Mina knew she could be, when the battle was aligned to her unique abilities. “Mako!”

Mako looked up, already knowing her fate.

“Your food is the best! I know it’d make Michiru so happy if you made a Little Mermaid cake for her, so that’s your job!” She nodded crisply, and then leaned toward Mako and smiled as if apologizing for becoming the terrible general. “I’ll let you pick the flavors, because everyone knows you know flavors best, and everyone will love it but especially Michiru, I know you’ll do great!”

It was impossible to disappoint Usagi in the face of such a compliment, and so Mako simply nodded, and could not help herself from mentally arranging a perfect party spread.

“Minako!” Usagi whirled and pointed to her. “You know parties, and drinks! You get all the punch and maybe a little champagne but not too much!”

“Aye aye, captain.” She saluted, with every intention in her mind of getting too much champagne.

“Genius Ami!” Usagi jumped toward her, bursting with excitement. “You figure out a SUPER clever way to get her to come to Mako’s apartment!”

“Are we using Mako’s apartment?” She asked cautiously.

“Of course we are!” Usagi smiled brightly. “Where else would we go?”

Ami did not answer, simply shrugged and shared a knowing glance with Mako.

“And Rei!” She was most excited now of all. “You know Michiru really well, so you can help me decorate elegantly!”

Rei crossed her arms. “Then you should just let me do it, Usagi, you think elegance is tinsel scattered all over the tables with a bunch of fake rose petals.”

“Michiru loves roses, REI!” Usagi scowled.

“Not ugly fake ones from the craft store.”

“You’re so mean to me and I’m just trying to do something nice for Michiru!”

“I’m trying to help you do it RIGHT.”

“I know things Rei! It’s supposed to be a Little mermaid party not a fancy thing, didn’t you hear Mina’s story!”

Mina smiled and leaned back against the wall of Usagi’s room. All according to plan.

____

Michiru was not easily touched. The sea was a cold thing, she had often reflected. She wondered, often, if she had been born this way, or if she had built this this stone wall around the garden of her heart, brick by brick, protecting herself from the many slings and arrows of a fortune so outrageous Shakespeare knew not of it.

And yet. With the brightly colored banner, Usagi’s renderings of Flounder and Sebastian framing Michiru’s name, the imprints deep in the paper from where she had pressed so hard as she drew, putting such effort into it. The food was beautiful, dumplings arranged beautifully with thematic fillings, a cake with her technicolor mermaid, no deep oil colors to be found, framed in the middle of the table.

Usagi set a rhinestone tiara on her head, glittering with teal and purple jewels, a purple glittering cameo set in the middle of it, framed by enamel shells.

“It’s the fancy Little Mermaid crown! I went to DisneySea to pick it up for you, Michiru!” Usagi clapped her hands together with delight.

“I’m sure that’s the only reason you went, and not to get pizza spring rolls.” Rei snapped, a glass of teal fizzy punch in her hand.

“It was!” Usagi protested loudly.

Michiru was ever so grateful for their bickering, which kept her from thinking too deeply on the subject of all the effort that had been laid out for her, that kept her from dwelling too much on the tiny girl inside of her that jumped for joy at seeing the green tulle and fake fishnet against the wall, the brightly colored party hats on the table, of feeling as if someone had listened.

Haruka put an arm around her, and popped a crab dumpling in her mouth. “Shebashtain’s delischious.” She swallowed. “This is really great, guys!”

Michiru looked up at her. “You didn’t do this?”

Haruka shook her head. “I rented us a sailboat for tomorrow afternoon. There’s cake there too, though.”

Michiru looked up again, unable to imagine that these girls who were quite stuck with her more than anything, by an accident of fate, had pooled together their resources and wherewithal simply to make her happy. She had never been overly expressive with them--she was a creature

who lived by the checkbook more than the heart, she often thought, and that was all she knew how to do.

But somehow these girls had seen what she meant, when she offered them concert tickets or dinners out.

“Thank you so very much.” She looked around, pretending to survey the party once more, but pointedly meeting no one’s gaze. “I,” she adjusted the tiara on her head, “I am not certain what I should say.”

“Do you like it?” Usagi asked, for a moment seemingly worried she might not.

“It is the birthday I’ve always wanted.” She gratefully took a cup of punch from Mako’s hand. “I cannot believe the effort you put it.”

“Well, you’re one of us, Michiru!” Usagi grabbed a plate from the table. “So we had to make sure you had a good birthday!”

She smiled honestly, a small band of white showing at her lips. “I cannot express how grateful I feel. Truly.”

She made a note in the back of her head, however, that Mako seemed to need a new stand mixer, that Usagi would very likely enjoy a box of the fine imported chocolates her parents got, and Rei seemed to be in need of a fine evening out.

She would simply tell Haruka to go have fun with Mina, on her credit card.

She sat at the table as a lit cake was put in front of her, and somewhere deep under the sea, Michiru felt warm.

In the corner, Haruka grinned brightly and poked Mina in the shoulder. “You did something nice for miiiichiiiiruuuuuuu.”

Mina looked away from her and sipped her punch, which was mostly just champagne, by her own pour. “The fact that we managed to separate your heart crystal from the talisman itself is really inconvenient for me, have I mentioned that?”

“You did something nice for miiichiiiiiruuuuuuuuu.” Haruka leaned onto her shoulder.

“I did something nice for you, you homosexual ingrate. Michiru was just my pawn.” She swatted at her face.

“I love you too, Mina.” Haruka leaned against the wall and popped another dumpling in her mouth.

“Fucking lesbians.” She shook her head.

But she smiled, just shaded enough so no one could see, at the glisten of Michiru’s eyes in the candlelight.

#a holligay joint

[whovianfeminism]

Whovian Feminism Reviews “The Doctor Falls”

“The Doctor Falls” is an ambitious story, there’s no doubt about that. With two generations of Cybermen, two Masters, two Doctors, five emotional arcs, and multiple farewells, it seems impossible to pull it all into a coherent episode. And yet, it comes together in the end to create a moving story that lets Peter Capaldi shine and sends him off to his final episode with reluctant excitement. But in trying to tackle too much at once, “The Doctor Falls” can’t give all the competing story arcs the time and attention they deserve. And it’s Bill Potts who particularly suffers as a result. “The Doctor Falls” compounded many of the problems with how her character was treated in “World Enough and Time,” and her superficially happy ending was an unsatisfying end to an underserved character arc.

“The Doctor Falls” is a story about conclusions and farewells. Peter Capaldi’s regeneration lurks underneath this entire story, from the flashes of fire around his hands to his urgent, growling speeches. But he’s still got one more episode left to go. His friends, enemies, and frenemies take center stage here. The first to go are Missy and the Master, who rather appropriately exit the show by stabbing themselves in the back.

Michelle Gomez and John Simm have delicious chemistry together, and it’s a pure delight to watch them banter. But they both have very different relationships with the Doctor, which creates an interesting conflict for Missy. Throughout this season I had doubted that Missy’s attempts to be good were genuine, so I was a bit surprised by the end of this episode. And yet, it’s the perfect conclusion for her arc. At the end of Series 8, Missy tried to rekindle her friendship with the Doctor on her terms -- now she has to choose whether or not to stand with him on his terms. It’s unintentionally the ultimate test of whether or not Missy meets the Doctor’s definition of “good.” She does something kind, without witness or reward, even though it risked her own survival. But it’s a massive break from her past -- which is why it is strangely appropriate that a past regeneration shoots her in the back for it.

Now that Missy and the Master are properly together, Moffat takes the full opportunity to play with Time Lords, regeneration, and gender. Ironically in the previous episode, Moffat made a point of having the Doctor say that Time Lords were “billions of years beyond your petty human obsession with gender and its associated stereotypes.” And, yes, this episode did have it’s progressive moments to show Time Lords could get beyond those petty obsessions. But it also leaned further into those stereotypes too.

One blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment that got a lot of positive attention was when the Master took a quiet moment to fix his eyeliner. Make-up is expected but often unremarked upon for film, TV, and stage actors. We know that they all wear some amount, and yet, we never see any of them apply it -- unless it’s to mock the character or mark them as a queer character. But there’s something beautifully understated about this moment. Both he and Missy take a moment to reapply their makeup during this episode, and both scenes happen quietly and without fanfare, like it’s a normal part of their daily routine. It’s a nice way of challenging gender norms around makeup.

Although John Simm’s Master is pushing some boundaries, he’s also reinforcing them in other ways. He makes a cruel and unnecessary attack on Bill’s gender while he’s trying to rile her up, and continues deliberately denying her gender as a specific part of his attempt to dehumanize her. He refers to her as an “it,” says she “used to be a woman,” and makes a point of asking for her old bras for his future regeneration (implying that perhaps those parts of her body were also cut up and thrown away during her conversion into a Cybermen). We know the Master is a villain already, his credentials have been well established there. So it felt especially unnecessary to add a gross campaign of misgendering to his ledger.

When Missy refers to Bill Potts using her correct gender pronouns, the Master mocks Missy, saying “Becoming a woman is one thing but have you got...empathy?” You know, that trait stereotypically associated with women. Way back in Series 8 I talked about the way Missy’s characterization and motivations seemed to play into gender stereotypes, but for most of this season I had been pleased to see that she had a more complicated emotional journey that stayed away from those stereotypes. But now here’s the Master all but saying that Missy’s reformation is only happening because she’s a woman, with all those associated gender stereotypes. And no one refutes his assertion. A villain can say things that are wrong or that the audience isn’t supposed to agree with, but at some point they should be refuted. 

The next character we say goodbye to is Bill Potts. And it’s especially bittersweet to see her go.

We were fairly certain from the get-go that Bill would be a one-season companion. With both Peter Capaldi and Steven Moffat leaving, it was unlikely that Chris Chibnall would hang on to Bill. And although I thoroughly enjoyed her for the time we had her, I’m left at the end of this season feeling like her story and emotional arc were really underserved. She had good moments in each episode, but they didn’t all add up to a wholly satisfying story. She’s faced with the choice of whether or not to travel with Heather in her first and last episode. In her first episode she refuses Heather, but by her last episode she accepts. And yet the only thing that seemed to change about her was that, instead of letting Heather lead, she wanted to be the one to show Heather the universe. The sum of her emotional arc is “I’ve been through a lot.” Or, to paraphrase, “Girl, I have seen some shit.” And that’s not really a compelling arc.

But boy, did she see some shit in “The Doctor Falls.” When we first truly see Bill again -- when we first see Pearl Mackie -- she's being kept in a barn, segregated from the rest of the community. Everyone is terrified by her, and she doesn't know why. Her perception of herself is that she is normal, human, exactly like everybody else. But they see her as a monster. And it's not just that she looks frightening, she is actually dangerous. Her anger is literally destructive, so she must never express when she's angry or upset. The fear of the community occasionally results in her being shot, but she’s supposed to understand their fear and not protest, even when she’s hurt and upset.

These are a lot of heavy themes to tackle, especially when the character in question is a queer black woman. But the story never really commits to exploring any of the challenges her situation raises. So it unintentionally leans in to a lot of problematic tropes and stereotypes about black women.

One of the most frustrating of these -- especially because it would have been so easy to fix -- is this episode’s approach to Bill’s anger.  Black women's anger is frequently portrayed as irrational, dangerous, and destructive -- it's known as the Angry Black Woman stereotype. In this episode, Bill's anger is literally destructive. If she gets angry or upset, she will begin uncontrollably firing the weapon she's been given as a Cyberman. So the Doctor instructs her never to be upset. She has to endure insult and injury without ever expressing how she feels about it. And there's no payoff. We never see her release all of the anger and sadness building up inside her. She occasionally gets to fire her gun when the Doctor directs her to, and she gets to express her sadness over the Doctor's near-death. But there's never a moment that's entirely focused on Bill. We never see her anger portrayed as valid and necessary, instead of dangerous and destructive. Pearl Mackie's performance was incredible in those glimpses where she showed us what she was really feeling, but she and the audience deserved more.

By the end of this episode, Bill survives, has her body restored (somewhat), and gets to fly off to her happy ending with Heather. It's a remarkable ending that elicited a lot of complicated feelings. In the heat of the moment, I was almost crying with happiness. The importance of seeing women kissing women on screen cannot be understated. It was affirming, it was beautiful, and it was so necessary. It's so rare that queer love saves the girl instead of dooming her. I wanted this kiss more than anything this series.

And yet, those feelings couldn't last. I had no investment in Heather and Bill's relationship, beyond a desire to see adequate queer representation in media. They had a cute flirtation in "The Pilot" but hadn't really established a relationship. And the last time we saw Heather, she was barely herself anymore. It all felt rather superficial. We needed to see more of their relationship being built up throughout the series. This could've been accomplished by showing glimpses of Heather following Bill throughout her adventures.

There was also something very odd about Bill's last words to the Doctor, when she asked if he knew she was a lesbian. People I follow on Twitter couldn't agree on whether she was making a trolling joke or if this was an attempt to insinuate that maybe she might've had something for the Doctor if he was her type. Either way, it was clumsy and tonally off as they prepared to face their imminent deaths.

All of these problems could've been fixed had more time been spent on her story, both in this episode and throughout the series. I will always love Bill and adore Pearl Mackie, and yet I will always believe she deserved more.

But, of course, this episode is about saying farewell to Peter Capaldi.

And what a send-off. It’s a gift-wrapped package to the actor who’s still a fanboy at heart. He gets to have a story exploring the genesis of the Mondassian Cybermen. He gets a scene with the First Doctor, probably his favorite Doctor, who he has been emulating since the very first moment it was announced that he would be the Twelfth Doctor. And he gets Rachel Talalay, who has directed every single one of his finale episodes, to direct his final episodes.

And let’s take a moment to appreciate their collaboration and the stunning work Rachel Talalay did on this episode. They have built a wonderful creative relationship together that has given us stunning episodes and brought out the best of Capaldi’s Doctor. And Talalay’s dedication to the details of Doctor Who really stands out in this episode. The Fan Show’s interview with her about “The Doctor Falls” is a must-watch. She talks about how she achieved the switch between Pearl Mackie and the Cyberman in-camera with some clever work, and how they debated how the newly-converted Cybermen should behave in even the briefest moments. One under-appreciated moment I wish I saw more gifsets of was a small scene at the beginning of the episode where ash floats around the Mondassian Cybermen, like snow from “The Tenth Planet.”

But above all what I loved most about “The Doctor Falls” was the focus on kindness. It was the perfect sentiment to send-off the Twelfth Doctor. From the man who once said he needed his companions to care so he didn’t have to, to the man who cares so much he’d lay down his life for strangers, this Doctor has been through an incredible evolution. His final speech to Missy and the Master perfectly summed up everything the Twelfth Doctor stands for, and it epitomizes the man who portrays him. Peter Capaldi, above all, is kind. He shows as much care and dedication to the role he plays as he does to the fans who love this show. It will be hard to say goodbye, but he’ll leave behind an incredible legacy.

#Doctor Who #The Doctor Falls #Series 10 #Reviews #Feminism #Whovian Feminism

[nikiforoov]

asterisk anon is back with more asks! 1k words under the cut! ♥ (previous posts: 1 2)

Asterisk anon here: Thanks Alli. ;-; My other asks were full of typos and unnecessary repeatings. -So I wrote this out in full before I sent it, lmao. The other asks were very spontaneous and born out of a chaotic, very, very recent post-breakup mind. One of the reasons I felt so anxious and upset was because heteronormativity was part of the reasons my partner unexpectedly broke up with me. YOI is good escapism. And I guess being gay and feeling hopeless, it's a good series to look at and find peace. “I'll find love again one day. It will be ok.” 

But. I still stand by thinking that it's good to reconsider the implications behind how a character is portrayed, and how something that seems progressive on the surface can have some unintentional regressive implications. Such as over-feminizing gay men. -And feminine gay men are not regressive. Lord knows that’s a major reason for hate crime. It’s good to embrace it, please do normalize the gay men that express themselves in feminine ways.

But is it really all a gay man can be…? Is it completely impossible to consider that at times a man can be masculine too? I feel like gay men are put into two categories, most often: There’s the hyper masculine “man” of the relationship, and there’s the flamboyant “woman” of the relationship. Their sex lives goes accordingly.

My point about Yuuri exclusively being seen as a “powerbottom” when he is the “dominant” in sex, is perhaps a bit difficult to understand. Think of a dominatrix-wife making her sub-husband fuck her in a very specific way or otherwise making her vag seem like the "ultimate treat.” Yuuri does not have female genitalia. (Trans men often uses dildos, so my point stays.)

Why is his dick such a stranger to Victor? Why is Victor’s butt unexplored territory? Why aren’t Victor ever the powerbottom when he’s depicted as the dom? Is this a dick size thing? (Pls no, do not let this be an “Asian size" thing.) Why is Yuuri’s dominancy progressive for letting him be a bottom with no anal penetration, but Victor’s dominancy doing the penetration is just “the natural choice?”

Would Victor consider being the power bottom as less dominant than doing the penetration? I don’t think he would. Bottoming isn’t a personality trait. Are you sure you’re not making it one? (Individual authors aren’t the issue. Again, it is the trend and general mindset I’m trying to challenge, not pointing fingers.) I feel like never allowing gay men to embrace both their masculinity and femininity creates a very conservative portrayal.

And then of course, we have the problematic idea of how asian men are generally considered unattractive, unless they’re in drag or otherwise feminine. (Think of the sex industry in Thailand, for example.) Because Yuuri does embrace his femininity, but he is not feminine outside of his Eros program really, of what I remember. The Yuri on Ice program isn’t really playing with that. It’s just about Yuuri’s story as a whole. Outside of any performance, he dresses casually and doesn’t seem to care all that much about his appearance.

AND THIS IS NOT MEANT TO DISCREDIT LINGERIE AND MAKEUP IN FANART. He does have his feminine sides. He uses them to his benefit. It expresses a part of him. -A sexual one, not to mention. But as rant anon mentioned, Victor was the original creator of the costume. And he had long hair, etc. Completely ignoring the feminine part of Victor and ignoring masculine part of Yuuri creates the stereotypes of there being a man and a woman in a relationship. Which is completely backwards as to what same sex relationships fundamentally are. There are homosexual couples where there’s a fem and masc person. Lesbian, gay and all. But it’s just not how Yuuri and Victor are. I think it isn’t true to the characters. And the implications of assigning strict femininity and masculinity to either of them, -especially Yuuri, as a gay asian man, is something to keep in mind.

I’d also like to consider another reason Yuuri might be portrayed as more feminine than Victor, which is self-insertion fiction. This is something a lot of people in the fandom take issue with, because of homosexuality headcanons. But I don’t think self-insertion is such a terrible thing.

Victor is not real, and Victor is undeniably attractive. Lord knows he can impregnate both Yuuri and me with a single look, lol. But are you hiding the self-insert by making Yuuri more feminine? It’s not that you’re a bad person for doing that, its a genuine question. Because I don’t think you should feel guilty. (Yuuri probably wrote self-insert fics, so you have one thing in common there, at least. (^: )

If you have considered those things, but still think that your portrayal is what you see as more true to the characters, I have no problems. We're cool. You have every right to express art and erotica how you want. No one should censor that. I challenged your points and you stood by them. You’re not a bad person.

-Time to add my infamous aterisks* Other people’s interpretation is completely fine, and maybe they don’t see it as regressive as I do. And we're still cool, I’m not out to say anyone is a bad person for playing around with fictional characters. They’re not real, and no one is evil for have a kinky sexual fantasy or preferring a certain sex role in fantasies. They’re fantasies. I’m not the kind of person that will say it hurts reality, I’m trying to critique those that does consider their art to be progressive but are unaware of how something CAN come across to others or otherwise never were presented with the discussion. No one can know something if no one tells them, right? If anyone disagree, it’s fine. It’s about the trend, not one author out of many.

I hope I come across as trying to give constructive criticism and not telling someone what to do with their own interpretations. I hope I have made myself clear and gotten everything down. Otherwise I’ll clarify. I’ve eaten three tubs of ice-cream and two bags of cookies since my partner left me. But one day I’ll find someone to marry. :>

ahhhhh super great points again asterisk anon!! ♥

#asterisk anon #yuuri katsuki #victor nikiforov #victuuri #meta #i think!

[supergirlspurgatory]

Okay so I have a Wayhaught story for you. So I was thinking about how Emily was saying Wynonna definitely has opinions about Waverly and Nicole being together so what if Wynonna takes a moment with Nicole to have "the talk" with her about how she better not hurt her or end up like Champ (but she knows she won't) and Waverly hears part of this conversation and runs aways and now is very distant with Nicole bc she thinks Wynonna scared her away but later she assures she's not going anywhere

So, I couldn’t help myself and i wrote a whole fic for this. Hope you like it!!!!

Waverly was finally back from that creepy possession ordeal that they had to deal with, and she will absolutely tell you, that she will never be touching any strange gunk that she finds on the ground or otherwise, ever again. But everything is okay now and Wynonna, Waverly, Doc, and Nicole have taken over the Black Badge office in their search to try and find and get Dolls back.

It is had been a few days and the four of them have been locked up in that office. 

Waverly has been pouring over books and the internet, searching for anything she can wrestle up about secret government agencies that she can.

Wynonna was going through Dolls’s computer while she drinks whiskey out of his X cup, and muttering curse words under her breath since frankly there isn’t anything useful or entertaining of the hard drive.

Doc was sitting alone, at the far corner of the table. At first, he had spent a lot of time examining the vials that he had injected into Dolls before the showdown are Shorty’s. Now, though, he has moved on playing Solitare with an impossibly old set of cards.

Nicole, she has been sniffing out every gun and other weapons she can find in the office, she has been cataloging them and cleaning them, even going so far as to dismembering and, all the guns. At one point she even managed to wrestle PeaceMaker away from Wynonna. It was a very difficult feat and she found out that it hadn’t been cleaned in a very long time, probably since Wyatt himself had it.

Now it has been a couple of weeks, and with all the stress, Wynonna had pretty much forgotten about Nic and Waves dating, and reverting back to her normal self, had become totally oblivious of the lingering eye contact between her sister and the officer, not so subtle touching that they exchanged whenever close enough, and that whenever one of them left the room the other followed. She was so wrapped up in herself she had pretty much forgotten about the two dating.

At the end of the fourth night, after all of them had done almost as much as they could. Wynonna hadn’t found anything on the computer. Waverly hadn’t found anything mention a Black Badge Division. Nicole had run out of weapons to clean. And Doc, well how many games of solitaire can someone really play before they go insane? They all had started to sigh heavily and push their work away.

Grabbing Nicole’s hand, and looking across to Wynonna who’s face was buried in her palms, Waverly clears her throat, “You know Gus left me a message early and said that she was going to open Shorty’s back up tonight, invited us to stop by.”

“Got Dolls and I’s mess all cleaned up then?” Doc asks when he perks up at the idea of going to the saloon for a drink.

“Yup, I guess some town’s folk pitched in,” Waverly starts, “Gus said they wanted to try and make it up to Wynonna, the whole trying to kill her thing.”

“Strange,” Wynonna finally adds, “They’ve never felt bad about my near death before, I guess people are growing around here.”

“Oh come on Earp,” Nicole can’t help but attempt to protest that, “not everyone in this town hates you.”

Wynonna scoffs at that, “You clearly did not grow up around here red. But that is a conversation for another night when my brain doesn’t feel like soup. I think we ought to head down there, support Gus.”

It didn’t take them long to pack their things up and head to Shorty’s. Wynonna had already slipped behind the bar and found a bottle of whiskey and four glasses. Doc had stepped out to get some air for a few minutes. Waverly and Nicole had claimed a booth and were cuddled up pushed into the corner of the booth and were enjoying a slightly discreet and satisfying make out session.

“What the hell is this, guys?” Wynonna almost demands as she sets the bottle and glass down on the table.

“Uh, it’s me kissing my girlfriend Wy,” Waverly answers, with a very confused tone.

“Oh shit.” Wynonna declares as it dawns on her. “I, uh, I forgot about that.”

“No shit Earp,” Nicole adds after she lets out a giggle.

“I guess you and I need to have a little talk then Haught,” Wynonna replies as she starts the red-head down.

“I think that may be my cue to go find Doc,” Waverly says as she gives Nicole an apologetic smile for throwing her to the wolves or rather wolf that is Wynonna Earp, and then heads away.

“What exactly do you think you’re doing with my little sister?“ Wynonna asks, jumping right in.

“Honestly? Loving her.” Is all Nicole offers her in response.

“She’s been loved before Haught. What’s supposed to make you think you’re any different?” Wynonna questions the red head further.

“The way that I look at her.” Nicole challenges.

“And what way might that be?”

“Like she, herself, hung the moon and the stars, just for me.” Is all Nicole gives in return. Honestly, if you Wynonna hasn’t figured it out by now, she figuring she’ll have to draw it out for the woman.

“Champ used to look at her like that until she stopped being a trophy for him to win and became the strong young woman that she is. How am I supposed to know that you’re different than him?” Wynonna challenges Nicole. She knows that Nicole is different, but she needs to get a promise right from the woman.

“Because I’m not a boy-man-child like he was or is or whatever. Come on Wynonna, you’ve known me for a while now, do you really think I have it in me to treat anyone like crap, let alone Waves?” Nicole asks the question almost beginning to feel hurt.

“Well, I guess you’ve got a point there. I just have to make sure to give you the shovel talk or whatever. You know, Waverly is the most important person in my life and I haven’t really been there for her until recently, and I think I’m still a little too caught up in the curse bullshit to truly give her the attention she deserves.” Wynonna offers the confession as a peace offering of sorts.

“I get that Wy. But you are here now, and you’re not going anywhere. Plus, she has me now too, so I think she’ll be just fine.”

As Nicole finishes her statement, Waverly is walking back up to the table and notices the two other women completely emerged in the conversation but doesn’t catch anything, until Wynonna’s final statement.

“I get that. But just to put it out there, if you so much as crack her heart, or treat her even a little poorly, I swear to you, I’ll be using PeaceMaker for more that putting down revenants.” It’s an empty threat as she knows Nicole is better than that. As she finished though she notices Waverly within earshot and is completely unaware that she has been standing there long enough to hear the threat. 

“Hey, Baby Girl!” Wynonna greats Waverly with a broad smile. “Did you find Doc?”

“I ummm, I’m not feeling well, can you take me home Wynonna?” Waverly asks, not even responding to the question, she’s so shaken up from hearing the threat, scared of what it means. Does Wynonna no like Nicole as much as she’d been letting on the past few weeks?

“I can take Babe.” Nicole offers before Wynonna gets a chance to respond.

“No, I want Wynonna to take me.” Is all Waverly offers, and honestly the way she says it is a little cold. Before either Nicole or Wynonna has a chance to interject again, Waverly has headed out of the building. Thinking, dammit Wynonna, I finally found a good one, and you’re going and scaring her away, you can’t threaten lesbians with guns, it freaks them out. Admittedly, Waverly may have recently delved into gay culture and learned a lot about lesbian tropes.

“You’re not driving her anywhere Earp.” Is how Nicole decides is best to start the conversation.

“Why the hell not Haught? If Waves wants to go, I’ll take her where ever she wants.” Wynonna defends herself.

“No, you won’t. You’ve been drinking Whiskey all day, and you’ve drunk half that bottle by yourself while we’ve been sitting here. It’s not safe for you to get behind the wheel.” Nicole offers as she stands up and slips on her jacket.

“Fine. You going to go get her then?” Wynonna reluctantly asks.

“Yeah. Y’all can come sleep at my place when you get done here if you want.” Nicole presents the peace offering.

“Thanks, but there’s a room upstairs here, we’ll just take it. Let’s meet in the office at noon tomorrow? Give everyone a chance to get some extra rest.” Wynonna offers in return, her own peace offering of sorts.

“Sure, see ya then.” And with that Nicole has turned to head out the saloon herself. 

Nicole runs through the bodies as quickly as she can, pushing through the front doors, and scanning her surroundings. She finds Waverly sitting in her Jeep, letting it run. As Nicole gets closer to the Jeep, she notices hard sporadic shaking of Waverly’s shoulders, a clear sign of the tears that a certainly falling down the girl’s face. Wasting no more time, she runs to the driver’s door where Waverly is sat and pulls it open. Before she has a chance to protest or even notices who’s arms are enveloping, Nicole makes quick work gather Waverly up, rubbing her hands up and down the younger woman’s back.

“What’s wrong baby?” Nicole whispers in her ear.

With the question, Waverly starts to push Nicole away but doesn’t have enough strength to get her too far away.

“I asked for Wynonna,” Waverly states through heavy breaths.

“I know, but I don’t feel comfortable with Wynonna taking you anywhere. She’s had too much to drink.” Nicole offers, loosening her grip while looking down to search Waverly’s eyes to try and figure out what is going on. “I was thinking we could go to my place and I would take care of you.”

“I don’t expect you to take care of me Nic. You don’t even want to be around me, I’m sure.” Waverly states, not being able to help herself and leaning into Nicole.

“What the heck are you talking about Waverly?” Nicole asks shocked.

“I heard what Wynonna said. She threatened to kill you.” Waverly makes the statement though another round of tears.

“Oh baby,” Nicoles starts, with a grin playing at her lips. “She didn’t mean that.”

“Yes she did, she doesn’t joke about using PeaceMaker,” Waverly mumbles into the collar of Nicole’s shirt, that is quickly absorbing tears and most likely a gross combination of slobber and snot, not that Nicole minds. Waverly can bawl into any of her shirts any time she needs to.

“No babe, I promise she didn’t mean it. She knows I would never hurt you. She knows that I love you too much. She knows that I will treat you better than anyone else has ever treated you. She just said that because she felt like she had to finish her shovel talk.” Nicole whispers it to Waverly as she combs a hand through her hair.

“Are you sure?” Waverly asks, starting to regain her composure. 

“Yes, I promise. Now let’s go home and go to sleep. I think you may be a little over exhausted from the past couple weeks.” Nicole says as she lifts Waverly up, letting the smaller woman cling to her like a Khola bear, and walks to the other side of the Jeep. “We can sleep in and go get breakfast, Wynonna doesn’t want us coming in until noon.”

As she lets Nicole settle her into the passenger’s seat of her own car, she watches Nicole intently. Nicole just pays attention to what she’s doing. She buckles Waverly in and leans across her to turn the heat up a bit. As she is pulling herself out of the car, though, Waverly grabs the lapels of her jacket and pulls her so the forehead to forehead.

“You promise you want to be with me?” Waverly asks gently, her breath tickling Nicole’s lips.

“I promise Waverly. Ther is nowhere else, I would rather be.” Nicole makes what is probably the truthful statement of her life, and she is rewarded. She is rewarded by Waverly who leans in, gently pushing her lips to Nicoles, it’s the kiss of a promise, a kiss that means I love you, a kiss that says thank you for loving me. It gently but still passionate. Their lips move together like a choreographed dance. It is as though they were made for kissing each other, and honestly, they probably are.

“Good, because I feel the exact same way.” Waverly states as she pulls away but stays close enough to punctuate each word with another kiss.

#Wynonna Earp #Waverly Earp #doc holliday #Nicole Haught #Xavier Dolls #Black Badge Division #BBD #Shorty's #WayHaught #FanFic #FanFiction #Fan Fiction #Fan Fic #Wynonna Earp Fanfic #Wynonna Earp Fan Fiction #WayHaught FanFic #WayHaught Fan Fiction #WayTooHaughtInHere #waytoohaughtinhereprompts

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Is the Government Just Going to Watch the Restaurant Industry Die added to Google Docs

Is the Government Just Going to Watch the Restaurant Industry Die

 Dani Berszt/Shutterstock

Without a bailout, independent restaurants face a disastrous fallout

A few months ago, as restaurants suffered through the first months of a devastating pandemic, chefs and restaurant owners across the country went on social media to call for a government bailout. In their pleas, they said that without government support, their restaurants would close for good. Neighborhoods would be reshaped; beloved watering holes would dry up and disappear. It was a bleak image of the future, with an urgent call to action — one that was more or less ignored by the federal government.

At the time, it was hard for me to imagine what a world without restaurants might look like. In the past several weeks, it’s gotten much easier. Since the onset of the pandemic, each day has brought a slow trickle of restaurant closures, but now, they’re coming in waves.

In New York, where the magnitude of closures is still unclear, the much-loved Thai restaurant Uncle Boons closed permanently on August 10, citing an inability to come to an agreement with their landlord. One of the city’s last Cuban-Chinese restaurants, La Caridad 78, also shuttered. After 41 years, Los Angeles Koreatown mainstay Dong Il Jang closed its doors, too. The last of the nation’s lesbian bars might not make it to the other side of the pandemic. Already, these closures are reshaping the landscapes of our cities. It’s hard to fully process the weight of each loss as the casualties stack up at an accelerating rate.

The shuttering restaurants are in every town and city, but the message is more or less the same wherever you look: The money ran out, options have been exhausted, the government assistance never came. According to numbers provided to Bloomberg by restaurant consultancy firm Aaron Allen & Associates, one-third of restaurants in the U.S. could close permanently this year. And according to a Yelp report, 60 percent of restaurants that have already closed won’t reopen.

With each announcement of another closing I find myself wondering if I could have done more as a customer. I bought the gift cards, the tote bags, and the branded swag; I ordered takeout and left tips as substantial as I could afford. But no amount of individual action — a $50 gift card here, a 30 percent tip there — will save the restaurant industry. What restaurants need is a show of financial support only the government can provide.

In the absence of that support, restaurants scrambling to pay rent, repay vendors, or meet the forgiveness requirements of their Paycheck Protection Program (PPP) loans — namely, keeping a majority of staff on payroll — have gone to dystopian lengths to stay open. In San Francisco, for instance, a restaurant seats its wealthy clientele in plastic domes to insulate them from the threats of the outside world. “We’re talking about domes because our nation’s pandemic response didn’t take advantage of the lessons learned by other nations,” writes San Francisco Chronicle restaurant critic Soleil Ho. “[B]ecause our healthcare system isn’t accessible to people at all income levels; because there is no stimulus for the undocumented immigrants who feed the country … because both restaurateurs and working class people who cannot do their jobs remotely have had to choose between their health and their livelihoods.”

A chaotic and disjointed response from the federal government and a patchwork of local guidelines and ordinances have forced restaurants and their workers into an impossible position. Restaurant owners have little choice but to stay open for business, and their employees risk serious illness — or death — to collect a paycheck.

These aren’t the kinds of choices restaurateurs should be making during a deadly pandemic. This ultimatum shouldn’t be forced upon often-underpaid waiters, line cooks, and dishwashers. It’s a monumental failing that we have made restaurant owners and workers choose between their livelihoods and their lives.

As the coronavirus pandemic first spread across the country, restaurants should have been provided with the resources to remain closed, protecting both their workers and the general public. Instead, the pressure to fuel the economy and meet the requirements of loan forgiveness pushed restaurants into hastily reopening.

Among the PPP program’s many shortcomings was its failure to reach businesses owned by women and people of color, with enormous sums of money instead being directed to franchise locations of national chain restaurants. For restaurant owners who did receive funding, a majority of that money was expected to be used on payroll, and for the loan to be forgiven a majority of staff had to be rehired. This was, from the start, illogical, since restaurants in most states still haven’t been able to reopen at full capacity, and rehiring a full staff to operate a mostly empty restaurant only spells a slower demise.

Where restaurants and bars do reopen for indoor dining, COVID-19 cases tend to spike. In response to the frightening rise in cases, government officials who so recently preached the importance of getting back to businesses as usual walk back reopenings, workers are once again unemployed, and restaurateurs must adjust and try to figure out how they’ll pay another month’s rent. It is, to put it simply, a total mess.

As the weather begins to cool off and outdoor dining in chillier parts of the country loses its appeal, the situation will only become more dire, and the need for government action more urgent. Restaurants in states that have yet to reopen for indoor dining and rely on patio spaces or sidewalk tables likely won’t have the cash to last more than a single cycle of rent or payroll. Unless help comes soon, there will be an immense rush of closures this winter.

Financially propping up restaurants to make it through the end of the year won’t insulate the industry from many of the challenges ahead — particularly if the support, like PPP loans, fails to reach many of those who need it most — but it would significantly help prevent the wave of closures we’re seeing now. A bill like the Real Economic Support That Acknowledges Unique Restaurant Assistance Needed to Survive (RESTAURANTS) Act of 2020, introduced in late May by Rep. Earl Blumenauer of Oregon, would go a long way in providing this support. Tailored more specifically to small businesses than PPP funding was, the bill would make $120 billion accessible to restaurants, in the form of grants that — unlike PPP loans — would not need to be paid back.

The bill faces an uphill battle, and if it does see the light of day, it will likely do so only after hundreds — if not thousands — more restaurants have closed. Negotiations over a fifth coronavirus relief package have stalled, and with funding for a service as essential as sending a postcard or a ballot up for debate, it’s hard to imagine restaurant relief will come soon. In an email statement to Eater, Blumenauer says his office is “doing everything we can to try and pass this bipartisan bill quickly to ensure that restaurants — and their workers — get the support they need to get through this unprecedented health crisis.”

If passed, a program like the RESTAURANTS Act could incentivize an action that should have been taken months ago: a national pause on indoor dining. Restaurant workers shouldn’t have to put themselves in harm’s way to make a living, and restaurant owners should be given a choice other than to reopen hastily or to close for good. Grant money could infuse these businesses with enough cash to keep their dining rooms closed, while offering takeout and curbside pickup. In addition to a bill propping up restaurants, enhanced unemployment benefits must be strengthened and extended past the end of the year — this comes with its own challenges for struggling state governments — before what is likely to be a brutal convergence of COVID-19 and flu season this fall.

Restaurants that manage to hold on through the end of the year still won’t be out of the woods: There’s still the question of how they’ll sustain operations into 2021. In San Leandro, California, Noodles Pho Me is one of very few Bay Area restaurants serving Lao-style pho, and was on the brink of closure earlier this month when its owners negotiated a deal with the landlord. The lowering of rent will allow the restaurant to remain open through the end of the year. This news brought a sigh of relief, a relaxing of the shoulders for Noodles Pho Me’s owners and many fans. “We teetered almost to the verge of bankruptcy,” the restaurant’s co-owner Tong Sengsourith tells Eater SF. It wasn’t just a question of how the restaurant was going to pay rent month-to-month, but also how they could afford to pay what would amount to more than $30,000 in missed rent at the end of the year.

At B&H Dairy, one of New York’s last kosher lunch counters, a sign in the window welcomes customers. But on August 19, a message on the restaurant’s Instagram account warned that the struggle is far from over for the diner, which has been in business since 1938. “Anyone who is under the impression that because a restaurant [is] ‘open,’ all is ‘back to normal,’ is not grasping the reality of the pandemic and its consequences,” the post reads. The restaurant, which, according to the post, is only bringing in about 10 percent of the revenue it did before the pandemic, still has rent, payroll, and utilities to cover. To pay its bills, the restaurant launched a crowdfunding campaign. “We applied for all appropriate relief loans and grants from various city and government agencies, none of which have been granted so far, except for one tiny grant early on, which covered a fraction of one month’s rent, and has since been repaid,” the Instagram post continues. “To date, though several applications are pending, we have received no further government assistance or relief.”

For restaurants like Noodles Pho Me and B&H Dairy, which avoid being swept up in the first wave of closures, 2021 will bring more challenges. Businesses will scramble to make up for thousands of dollars in lost income, to repay debts to vendors, to pay back months of rent. They, too, will need government support.

“Restaurants don’t typically maintain enough cash flow to get through a week of closure, never mind half a year,” says Lana Porcello, co-owner of the restaurant Outerlands in San Francisco. “Many of us carry a fair amount of debt as part of our long-range model. It’s the nature of our industry, and hopefully one that will change now that so many of its fractures have been revealed through this experience.” Porcello, who opted to close her restaurant for the duration of San Francisco’s shelter-in-place, says that restaurants need “creative autonomy” to decide how to spend relief funds, and that one size won’t fit all when it comes to a solution. “Restaurants will not survive without direct relief, and the freedom to structure how that relief must be applied based on their circumstances,” she says. “Right now, the RESTAURANTS Act is our most viable potential lifeline.”

In Emeryville, California, Fernay McPherson, chef-owner of Southern restaurant Minnie Bell’s, echoes just how bad things will get if help doesn’t come soon. “Many of us are definitely at jeopardy of closing if there is no bailout,” McPherson recently told me via email. “A lot of restaurants are accumulating debt via loans or depleting whatever funds they have left, the hole is going to be too big to get out of which will result in many more restaurant doors closing.”

We’ve been so focused on an urgent return to normalcy that in the process, we’ve chipped away at any real chance we have of saving the restaurants and bars we miss so much. As Eater’s Jaya Saxena puts it: “the question is being presented not as ‘when will the pandemic be under control?’ but rather ‘when can we start making money again?’ That framing puts the wellbeing of business over the wellbeing of people, to already confounding results. It’s pretty clear that where dining rooms have reopened, safety measures often exist in direct opposition to how a restaurant is supposed to operate.”

If restaurants don’t see monetary relief soon, and restaurant workers aren’t provided with the financial support they need to safely make it through the pandemic, the suffering will needlessly continue, and there will be no normal to return to.

via Eater - All https://www.eater.com/21401244/the-restaurant-industry-is-in-desperate-need-of-a-federal-bailout

Created August 29, 2020 at 01:26AM /huong sen View Google Doc Nhà hàng Hương Sen chuyên buffet hải sản cao cấp✅ Tổ chức tiệc cưới✅ Hội nghị, hội thảo✅ Tiệc lưu động✅ Sự kiện mang tầm cỡ quốc gia 52 Phố Miếu Đầm, Mễ Trì, Nam Từ Liêm, Hà Nội http://huongsen.vn/ 0904988999 http://huongsen.vn/to-chuc-tiec-hoi-nghi/ https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1xa6sRugRZk4MDSyctcqusGYBv1lXYkrF

[xi-xxx-mmx-blog]

Katya Jaeger “Love isn’t always perfect. It isn’t a fairytale or a storybook. And it doesn’t always come easy. Love is overcoming obstacles, facing challenges, fighting to be together, holding on and never letting go. It is a short word, easy to spell, difficult to define, and impossible to live without. Love is work, but most of all, love is realizing that every hour, every minute, and every second was worth it because you did it together.” 

Kieran Cassidy "Didn't know ye' took te' writin' for Hallmark, l'uver."

Katya Jaeger "I didn't write that shit. I found it and it sounded good. Don't spoil my sweet moment."

Kieran Cassidy "Shoulda' known! Not nearly enough mentions of meth for yeh'."

Katya Jaeger "And here I thought it was lacking mention of that cock..." Shrugs.

Kieran Cassidy "Yeh' don't song write about cock that often. Thas' why everyone t'inks yer' a lesbian."

Katya Jaeger "Maybe I should write about cock. A rock hard, long, dripping wet cock..." Thinks it over, shaking her head a moment later. "Nah, think I'll stick to songs about wanting to die and going to hell."

Kieran Cassidy "Good idea. Without a drummer, ye'd have to do acoustic gigs..."

Katya Jaeger "Fucking hate the acoustic stuff. I'd much rather shake my ass in front of that drummer to see if I can get him to fuck up." Smirks.

Kieran Cassidy "Wait til ye' get me fired...no one around to clean up your shite on the tour bus no more."

Katya Jaeger "You think I'd stay there without you? Fuck that. Wouldn't be shit without you. Besides, that ass shaking would be gone and then fans would find out I've got no actual vocal chops."

Kieran Cassidy Snores, showing exactly what he thought of that.

Katya Jaeger "Yeah? I talk and you snore? That how this works now? I bore you that bad?"

Kieran Cassidy "The concept did."

Katya Jaeger "Act like you don't know what you are to me. Go ahead."

Kieran Cassidy "Wasn't talkin' about that."

Katya Jaeger "What are you talking about then?"

Kieran Cassidy "'Vocal chops.'"

Katya Jaeger "Oh. Well. Yeah."

Kieran Cassidy "Yer' record people say o'erwise."

Katya Jaeger "My best vocals are heard by you and only you." Smirks.

Kieran Cassidy "I don't know..."

Katya Jaeger "You don't /know/?"

Kieran Cassidy "I don't knooow..."

Katya Jaeger "Better figure it out."

Kieran Cassidy “I will."

Katya Jaeger "How are you going to do that, exactly?"

Kieran Cassidy "Don't ye' 'ave a song with a suspicious orgasm?"

Katya Jaeger "Only orgasm that has ever been heard from me has been heard by your ears."

Kieran Cassidy "Mmm..."

Kieran Cassidy "T'ink I can find me a bassist that'd disagree."

Katya Jaeger "I think if you remember right, that's Jenna Haze and she recorded it on the phone for me to use in the track..." Cuts her eyes to him. "You are the only true orgasm I've ever had in my life and you fucking know it."

Kieran Cassidy "I'm not sayin' t'at, I'm sayin' other people have 'eard ye' cum." eyes her as the woman seems hellbent on being mad at him.

Katya Jaeger Smirking a moment later, she'd thought there was something else on that one entirely. Stepping into him, her hands were quick to the back of his neck where she was nudging her nose against his. "All this talk about orgasms though..."

Kieran Cassidy "What the bleedin' fuck is a 'true orgasm.'" he'd ask, not sure if he was familiar with the term. "Opposed to a dishonest one? An orgasm that lies on it's taxes?" he'd continue as he felt her at his neck.

Katya Jaeger "You don't want to know," she whispered, pulling at the back of his neck as she took a step back, bringing him with her. "You'd much rather know what it is that I'm thinking right now. I promise."

Kieran Cassidy Hearing her mention that he didn't want to know. She was right but that left his mind to wander before figuring it out. Leaving him in a shit mood altogether. Not especially receptive to grabbing that opportunity as he'd raise an eyebrow. Taking the bait. "T'en what are ye' t'inkin?"

Katya Jaeger Taking another step back, her hand gripped firmly at the back of his neck as her lips lingered there to his as a smirk stole her features. "I'm thinking that all of this talk about orgasms has me horny as fuck and I'm thinking you might have a little something to help me out with that and in return, I'd like to hear your vocal talents," she whispered, a gentle nod of her head as her free hand slipped down between them to grip him through his jeans.

Kieran Cassidy "Little though, really?" an ironic oversight that might have had him laughing normally as she literally just told him he had a little something. Even as her hand ventured downwards yet he was afraid she wouldn't find what she wanted there.

Katya Jaeger "Not little! You know what I meant!" she explained, her own laugh filtering through as she found proof that he was not nearly as aroused as she was. Bringing her hand from him to find his hand, luring it up underneath of the oversized t-shirt she wore where the proof of her own was against the fabric of her panties, she'd guide his fingers to show him what she would not attempt to explain where the proof would speak loudly enough.

Kieran Cassidy “You just called my dick little." he reminded her as she guided his hand against her own panties. Feeling what she had been saying there undoubtedly. "Oh, look...big panties." he'd tease, finding something equally insulting yet a mirror of what she had said to him as his eyes narrowed.

Katya Jaeger As his eyes narrowed, hers widened as she looked up at him. Had she been in a different mindset altogether, a statement of that sort could have resulted in a full spiral from the already unstable woman, but here, she'd find it to be exactly what it was. Abandoning his hand beneath her t-shirt, her hand was there against him once more, rubbing her palm against him even through that fabric. "Your little pussy and my big cock," she corrected as that was how this truly went, a smirk to her lips as she tightened her hand at the back of his neck to draw her lips to his.

Kieran Cassidy "Uh huh..." thinking she was trying to save her own ass quickly as the two were clearly messing with one another. The girl was eighty pounds soaking wet and if she'd really think he could say she wore big panties, she'd truly have to look in the mirror to understand the hilarity. Feeling her lips return to his as he'd atleast attempt to work with her. Fingers drawing against the outside of that fabric firmly.

Katya Jaeger Feeling his fingers there to the fabric of her panties, she'd sigh softly against his lips as her hand worked against him for a moment before it wasn't enough for her. Finding the button of his jeans, she'd unfasten them before she'd find enough space to ease her hand within, beneath the cloth of his boxers to locate him, finding that skin to skin contact. Wrapping her hand around him, she gave up a solid stroke against him as she nipped at his lower tier.

Kieran Cassidy Feeling her slipping into his boxers where he might be a little more stubborn to wake than usual. Just needing to get out of his own damn head. Fingers drawing against her as he felt her to his bottom lip.

Katya Jaeger What she would find within his boxers wasn't quite what she was accustomed to finding, yet she'd not be disappointed by the opportunity to bring him to life entirely. Biting against his lower tier, she drew back against the tissue as her eyes found his while her free hand slipped down to relieve him of that zipper and draw down at his jeans there in the hallway of their home.

Kieran Cassidy Feeling her drawing at his jeans before they dropped all together. Meeting her eyes as he knew this had the opportunity to backfire. Taking an even breath as he'd attempt to keep his mind and body from working together too closely. Just letting the physical happen as he had never had an issue with it before.

Katya Jaeger Once the fabric of his jeans were gone, the ambitious woman would waste no time relieving him of his boxers a moment later, allowing them to pool at his ankles as her hand now found free range to stroke against his length as her lips formed to his once more in a kiss that would speak to that which his fingers had discovered against the fabric of her panties.

Kieran Cassidy Keeping his fingers moving to her steadily in pressured rotations would allow his fingers to coat in her. Feeling her affections finally starting to take root and spread through him as he gracefully thanked the powers that be for it. Even if the ability lied strictly in himself.

Katya Jaeger Drawing back from his kiss, her eyes were directed to his as her free hand found his side while the other drew off of him entirely. Bringing her hand towards her own face, her lips parted and she offered a full sweep of her tongue against the palm of her hand before that same hand was finding him again. Feeling those rotations of his fingers against her even through the fabric of her panties, there was no doubt that he had gotten to her even before that first touch as the bit or playful banter between the two would forever find her in this space where her desire for him spoke for itself.

Kieran Cassidy Watching her to her own palm where the moisture alone would surely help as he began to harden for her. Leaning in where his lips would firmly merge with her once more. Hand slipping up to allow both of his hands to find the sides of her panties and guide them down.

Katya Jaeger As her hand returned to him, she'd feel his lips there to hers, taking to her in a firm exchange that would coincide with the hardening of him there within her hand. Feeling him bring his hands to the sides of her panties beneath that oversized t-shirt, it wouldn't take much to relieve her of the only undergarment she bothered with most days. Torn between wanting to find her knees before him and wanting to feel him to her skin all at the same time, she'd remain standing for the moment as she stepped free of the fabric at his guiding as her hand strengthened there against him.

-November 1, 2017

#kate #kier #statplay #2017

[purplejeeplife]

Ah, job and money on the mind today. 4-24

Well, today has been an interesting day. About the job I started a few days ago, I had been a little worried that that position would hinder my ability to find an additional job. The job was in alignment with my heart, but only offered a guaranteed 8 hours a week, with significantly more hours on multiple occaisons, even so, that weren’t steady. And because my job was taking care of another person, for the periods of time would have to be total committed. It is one thing to give a two weeks notice but another to give a two weeks when you know that an entire family has an upcoming vacation that they are counting on you to take care of their family member-that member who can’t get out or in bed or walk anywhere on their own, let alone cook. Basically the person is mostly dependent on you, and giving a two weeks when a family is counting on you to cover for their vacation is a bit more contemplative than a two weeks at a normal position where it’s just business needs that are affected. Now, of course I didn’t plan or want to give a two weeks, but at the same time only 8 hours a week wouldn’t have been enough to support myself. I took the job thinking that I would land a 2nd job, but the more I thought about it, I wondered who would want to hire me with such abnormal time of requests—and this isn’t even including my own time of requests for myself to travel. So, even thought the job was in line with my heart in career, I was beginning to get nervous as other places called me for interviews. In fact, because I was supposed to work today, I had trouble scheduling two interviews. Both places had called me within 10 minutes of eachother on Friday and I had a hard time picking the first prority. One of them had wanted to interview me that day but I was already at work at the above mentioned job. And then I was supposed to work today as well as have a music lesson so I knew I couldn’t do an interview today, so I picked the first priority of the two places and called them to schedule an interview. However, I got the voicemail and left a message saying that I could do an interview on Tues [tomorrow] and to please pick a time and call me back and if I don’t answer to leave a voicemail with their preffered time and that I would plan on it and call them back to let them know I got the time. However, I didn’t receive a call back, and it being Friday, of course the weekend screws things up. Because I had been waiting for the call back, I didn’t call the other place because I didn’t want to risk overlapping interviews. So last night I got a call for the above job saying that the family member is going to be moved to a different living situation where care will be provided for them around the clock. Part of me was sad to lose a job my heart was rewarded by, but I also felt a wave of extreme relief knowing that I could now go into interviews with full open availability. But, I am on my last $300 right now and that was stressing me out. I was trying not to worry this morning after I had checked my bank balance but fear was stuck in my gut. I have been situations before of having this or less to my name, BUT NOT WHILE OWNING AND LIVING IN A CAR. When your car is your home, without it, how else would you be able to function and go to work? I have been homeless before and it is hard enough to get through each day, having a job and being functional at is almost impossible.  When I was homeless for 3 days once, I wouldn’t let myself sleep at night. I would take naps outside in parks when there were runners and walkers, and I made sure to appear like a college kid. I would also take naps on buses, but they were always of course short lived. I barely got any sleep and don’t know how I would have been able to mentally function at a job.I would pick a long route and take a little nap. But one time I feel so deep in sleep that the bus driver had to walk back and shake me awake. And at the parks, for the time of year it was, it was too cold for me to actually fall asleep, si my body rested my eyes never made it to sleep. If I had wanted a sleeping bag, it might have worked, but being an obvious homeless person just isn’t safe so I didn’t. I already get harassed by men often as it is, and when some certain men discover that a woman is homeless, somehow that equate that with being an easier target. This has been proven to me multiple times in multiple cities when it was thought I was homless or I actually was . Sometimes the men pestering me are homless, thinking maybe a solo woman wants and needs a man friend to help survive on the streets with. There are many people who are partnered up on the streets, but I don’t want to be partnered up, let alone by a man. I am a lesbian. Sometimes the men who think homeless women are an easier target aren’t homeless, they’re just needy in the creepy way. So, for all instances alike, appearing as non-homeless as possible and not telling people you’re homeless is the safest bet, I’ve found. Now, sometimes I didn’t say I was homless or didn’t plan on saying it. There are some times it is assumed because I am busker, and then once in NYC when I was at an airbnb it came about in conversation where I had tried to avoid it and it became harder. I don’t lie well, so when a conversation naturally leads someone to ask questions like “what part of town do you live in” etc, it becomes harder. So, with this conversation I hadn’t wanted to say anything, but the conversation went a way and I ended up telling the guy that I was only doing lodging every other night and at times in off nights, taking naps in moving subway trains from 2-5AM, [with all my valuables locked up or in zipped pockets UNDER a zipped coat making it impossible to steal from me]. As soon as the guy heard my subway confession, he got creepy and kept lightly touching me with his hands. I think he somehow thought I would be easier to do whatever he was looking for because of my confession that I don’t sleep in a bed every single night. I already didn’t like the guy and was trying to be polite, but as he started touching me, I got more pissed and vowed to avoid him, which would be easy since I was leaving the next day. So, for safety reasons, I would never ever sleep in a sleeping bag in public unless it was camping. Sleeping on a park bench at 10am with just a mere coat and backback could pass for a college student, where as the sleeping back pegs one as homeless.If I wasn’t alone, this wouldn’t be as big of a concert. Sleeping with 2 or 3 other people you trust would be a different ballgame, but when alone, especially as a woman, things have to considered very carefully. I’ve always had the suspicion that if I were a man in this life, I’d be an expert at jumping trains and hitchiking by now. I am certainly glad I am woman, but when it comes to traveling alone, I do feel that being a male in this world provides a bit different definition of safety than a woman, especially traveling solo. However I did recently read the book “the man who quit money” and in that book learned about the Peace Pilgrim. She walked over 25,000 across the states while being alone, sometimes sleeping on the side of the road. Now, she did this way before the 2000′s though, so I can’t exactly just go set off like she did and expect to have the same safety she did. Still though, she’s got my mind rolling in ways that maybe I can crack some kind of code and still things like trainjumb and hitchike and walk a state or few alone. 

...

Well, anyway, back to the interview dance, it continued this morning. Upon waking up and going to the gym, as I became more awake and then was starting to plan my day, I was trying to resist fear about my money situation, but I wasn’t succeeding. I went to my storage unit and decided to do more sorting, it had to be done anyway and I thought that givning myself a task would help distract me from my worries. It worked, and I got absorbed in cleaning and felt productive. And sure enough an hour into cleaning, I got another call for an interview at a place I had applied to last week. My usual habit is to apply for about 3-5 jobs each time I go online, to craiglist. I’m still going to continue this practice but sometimes it might make scheduling interviews interesting. I’ve never had such a response for this many interviews before, so it’s a nice time conflict to have.

My interview is tomorrow morning, and if the other place calls me back to return my voicemail, I might have 2nd interview. Well see. I am also getting ready to start busking this week at an art form that I love and also have potential to make money at. I am hestitant to only busk, as my ideal is to have a part or full time steady paycheck job AND busk. Left to my own devices of just busking may be my only option until I hear “you’re hired” and though that scares the shit out of me, I think it is an opportunity to step into my self power. Sometimes I struggle with how I view myself sometimes, and it’s this exact type of situation I find myself in that helps force me to own my power. When you don’t have the option to sink, you must find the power and energy to swim whether you know how or not: now that my jeep is my home and I have car cost bills to provide for, attaining income soon is my only option. Even if it’s busking for 40 hours a week and putting forth my best effort, that is my option and how much income I make is up to the hands of strangers and the Universe. This is scary, but I have experienced it several times and seen kindness. One time in 2014 when I had only $500 left, I challenged myself by writing a $250 check to a payment. I was terrified because that left me with only $250 to pay rent, bills and food. But I knew I had to write and send the check so that it would force me to have faith. I shakily wrote and sent it, and within 3 days had made the same exact amount of the check in cash from busking. I don’t feel that would have happened if I hadn’t take the step to challenge myself to have faith. As I counted my total cash I’d made in the FRI, SAT Sun after, I was astounded and grateful. I feel right now, I also must have faith in the same way. That the next few days will come and go with me landing a job or earning money from busking. I do love busking because I get paid to do what I love, but it’s very unpredictable. I can make as much as $50 in one hour or $0. People and cities and circumstances change, so all that’s certain is that you’re there doing your activity and it’s up to chance and fate how much or little ends up in you wallet at the end of the day. This is why I want at least a part time steady job to supplement busking.

Last night I parked in the middle of downtown, where one could suppose could be risky. But I planned my wisest and still no cops have woken me up blasting me to move. It is illegal to sleep in your car in most cities, and the one I live in is no exception, but I must be passing for stealth because I’ve remained undiscovered by cops. I am totally willing to get arrested for the right reasons, for following my heart or doing something that I believe is a basic human need or right, however I don’t seek or want a confrontation with police. If it happens, it happens, but I would rather it never happen. Most car dwellers I have researched have all had a few brushes with police, but usually just warning and never an arrest.

I am starting to feel alone. I don’t know many people where I live. My friends are in other parts of the same state, or in other states. I look forward to establishing community here, but being a beginner in transition is hard. I did go to a very groovy deli last night—run by a bunch of hippie Christians—went to the same deli when I was homeless in the same state for the 3 days in 2014, then without a car—and then and now, I am very welcomed as are all other patrons. It isn’t just a restaurant, it’s people who crave to share love with others in the world.  went because I knew I would get some genuine neat human interaction and I wanted a place to journal and brush my teeth late into the night. They’re open 24 hours except the day of the Sabbath when they close and invite any and everyone to come celebrate with them in dance, fellowship, music, food and worship. Though not like a typical church: these people are living more like Jesus than most other religious people are. They invited me to come to their celebration last night and I want to go.  After nice conversations sitting at the stools overlooking the station where the nice person makes sandwiches. I was also sitting a college couple who also caught the contagious happy uplift vibe of the place. It felt like cheers, and by the end of the night, we did know eachothers’ names.  

 I could see myself there everynight as I wrap up each day, unwinding and eating their delicious and healthy food, but with my current bank balance, I won’t be going there until I have a job. Oftentimes I go to a whole foods or a grocery store open 24 hours, buy something cheap like a banana of little bag of bulk, so that I can use their bathroom without feeling like a mooch. I can spend thirty cents on a banana in exchange for using a bathroom, but using the gas to get to such a place just to use a bathroom  is frustrating. I am now trying to figure out how I can drive less each day. Today I parked in a park and walked a mile to get to the library I’m at right now. Otherwise I have to keep moving my car and pay for parking.