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ms-demeanor · 2 months

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I was homeschooled, and didn't much like it, and always kinda assumed I would've had a better time in public school, in large part bc I was raised in a religion that didn't survive much contact with the outside world. You're like the second person in as many weeks I've heard talking about nightmarish bullying experiences in school, and I'm remembering times now when I was a kid when I did occasionally talk to public schooled kids, and they always seemed to say they wanted to be homeschooled, mostly bc of bullies. (I was the kind of annoying to say that if I were public schooled I would probably just stand up to the bullies!)

I'm not totally sure what I meant to ask here but ig broadly what I'm thinking is just... Like, whoa, it's really bad in there, huh?

Eh.

I had a really, really, really bad time of it but homeschooling probably would have been much worse for me and realistically there were not that many people at my school who were dealing with bullying at a level that I was dealing with bullying.

I could have asked for homeschooling or independent study because of that, and I actually know two people who did, both of whom ended up coming back to school within a year.

I also think that schools are way better about bullying now than they were in the 90s-early 2000s.

That doesn't mean they're perfect, but the institutional attitude about intervention changed a lot when more kids started killing themselves.

But, like, legitimately without my public high school yearbook I probably would have killed myself. Getting bullied sucked, but eventually I found a niche where I was able to develop skills and some level of friendship and could spend many hours a day focusing on doing something that I liked that would have been impossible for me if I was on my own and without the resources a public school offered.

This is how I'm 37 and have been using InDesign at a professional level for 22 years. It's how I got into photography in a serious way. I have had at least three jobs that came as a direct result of working on my high school yearbook (even if people did think I was plotting out sniper positions when I climbed the roof to take student life photos with the telephoto lens).

So the bullying was bad and horribly traumatic but also it was the cherry on top of a shit sundae of other stuff that was going on and literally the best thing in my life at that point was the yearbook.

But also man there were weeks and months in there that I would have done much better with remote school.

So I'm torn!

I kind of think that adolescents are just always going to be terrible to each other and the best you can do is damage control.

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gamequoteshowdown · 2 months

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Quote 1: "I am so fucking normal right now" - Harry du Bois, Disco Elysium

Quote 2: "Despite everything, its still you." - Narrator/Chara/Frisk???, Undertale

Propaganda

Quote 1: This man would do numbers on tumblr - Submitter

Quote 2:

"I watched a grown man play this game and he stopped to cry for like 10 minutes while reading this quote (not an exaggeration)" "At the start of the game, you interact with a mirror and it says ‘it’s you.’ After the (frankly traumatic) events of the game pass, if you interact with the same mirror, it shows this quote. Absolutely decimates me"

"My partner got this tattooed on their skin. No matter where they go in life, there they will be, and there the reminder will be, too. Even when they die, if their flesh is preserved, that lifeless husk will still be my partner. So shall we all. We'll grow. We'll change. We may fear that we are losing ourselves along the way. But one thing will always be true, and this one throwaway line, easily missed in the race to the game's end, sums it up in just five words. Also, the most significant callback in gaming history since the cow in Earthworm Jim." - Submitters

I'm legitimately scared of what is going to happen

#tumblr polls #polls #tournament poll #game quote showdown #tournament polls #disco elysium #undertale

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takeme-totheworld · 5 months

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I don't have the energy right now to try to recreate the post I accidentally yeeted into the void, but I've been having lots of feelings about the ongoing fandom discussion of Aziraphale's decision at the end of S2.

I wasn't surprised by his decision at all. The minute he said "I think I might have misjudged the Metatron" I had an immediate, overwhelming feeling of "OH NO" because I saw exactly where the scene was going. And I was right! I felt zero surprise when the episode ended the way it did. (Devastation, yes. Surprise, no.)

Not only that, I was shocked at how shocked everyone else was. Because I grew up in a toxic religious community, of which I was a very devoted and enthusiastic member until young adulthood. So I have firsthand experience with that kind of indoctrination, and know exactly what a mindfuck it is.

Look, it's possible that there's something else going on under the surface, that Aziraphale was being coerced or that he was lying to Crowley in order to protect him or that he was trying to send Crowley a coded message and it failed or whatever. I'm not the creator of this story, I don't know. But what deeply distresses me is how often I've seen people say that it has to be one of those other things because if it isn't—if Aziraphale made his decision of his own free will because he actually believes that Heaven is the side of good, or at least that it once was and will be again if it can just solve the whole bad leadership problem—that means he's either unforgivably cruel or unforgivably ignorant or both.

It's a painful reminder for me, every time, of the fact that if you are the victim of this type of indoctrination, a lot of people will assume that it's your own fault for being gullible enough to believe such obviously ridiculous and wrong things. (Hint: it's only obvious from the outside! Because if you're on the outside, you are not having your mind directly and repeatedly fucked with!) Or that if you've been exposed to contradicting information, but you still continue to believe the things that were indoctrinated into you, it's because you're willfully choosing to stay clueless.

And that is just not how that works. Yes, some people cling to their indoctrination because they're genuinely happy with their lives as part of whatever institution, because it stacks the deck in their favor in some way, because they like having a respectable-sounding excuse to be bigoted jerks, or whatever. But there are also lots of people who have just legitimately had their minds twisted into pretzels by years or decades (or in Aziraphale's case, millennia) of mental conditioning and manipulation.

You can generally tell the difference between the two. At least, if you come from the kind of background I do, you can. But I imagine that even if you didn't, it's probably fairly obvious once you get to know people who is a shitty person using their religion as an excuse to be shitty, and who is a fundamentally decent person who has just had their mind so thoroughly fucked with that they've been manipulated into believing total bullshit.

And breaking the latter group out of their conditioning isn't as simple as just "show them information that contradicts what they've been taught," as much as we all wish it could be. It's a long, messy, and traumatic process. Your entire worldview falls apart and it's terrifying. You lose a community and an identity in the process. And there's often debilitating guilt afterward, about the person you were and the things you did and said while you were still in it.

So I watched the ending of S2 and my reaction was, "Well, of course Aziraphale said the things he said and made the decision he made, he's not free of his programming yet." It made all the sense in the world to me even as it was excruciatingly painful to watch, because there was a time in my life when I made decisions every bit as jaw-droppingly fucked up and incomprehensible to outside observers, decisions I look back on now and still want to shake my younger self by the shoulders and scream "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU??" And the end of S2 took me right back to that time in my life, when my head was so thoroughly messed up that I made terrible decisions that hurt myself and alienated the people around me, all while wanting nothing more in the world but to be a good person and do the right thing. And I imagine that when Aziraphale finally breaks out of his own indoctrination he is going to be horrified and devastated by a lot of what he did and said, not to mention the betrayal of how thoroughly he was manipulated and gaslit.

Yes, I am projecting hard onto Aziraphale. Yes, this is just my own theory about the final 15. But I don't see anything in the story that flat-out contradicts this reading of his character. And honestly, I care less about the veracity of my interpretation than I do about the fans saying things like "I can't take the final 15 at face value because it would make Aziraphale a terrible person," or "If he really believed that stuff he was saying, Crowley should make him beg and grovel for at least a century before taking him back" or even "if he really believed that stuff, he deserves to have Crowley never speak to him again."

Just...as a person who used to be heavily indoctrinated and has to live with the memory of who I was and what I believed back then for the rest of my life, it's incredibly distressing.

#good omens #good omens meta #good omens 2 spoilers #aziraphale #the final fifteen #religious trauma #religious indoctrination #religious deconstruction #oh look i said i had no energy and then i wrote this much anyway #i'm very normal about this

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oyasumicloseyoureyes · 1 year

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I hate it when the Omori fandom shames people who ship Sunnflower because they think it's "trauma bonding", "manipulative" and "abusive", which is simply not true.

Basil isn't "obsessed" with Sunny as people claim, just because a person idolizes someone doesn't mean they're some crazy yandere. He saw one of his closest friends dying in front of his eyes, which left him traumatized, causing all the delusions and the denial. All of the stuff he did (like hanging Mari or "saving" Sunny from Something), he did with good intentions, even if he did end up making things worse. That's his character flaw and it makes him human. He tried his best to protect his friend, and people who say he's toxic or manipulative are just media illiterate.

And the fact that people think that Sunny legitimately hates Basil is so bizarre to me, the game has shown so many times how important Basil is to him. How Sunny dives into the lake, literally risking his own life to save him despite having aquaphobia, or how he wants to find and save Basil in Headspace despite the fact that Basil ruins everything by reminding Sunny of the truth, and it would be easier to forget about Basil altogether, like he did with Abbi, but Sunny doesn't do it because he can't see his dream world without Basil, are all examples of that. He even dreams of hugging him right after Basil stabbed him in the eye, for God's sake.

There are only two moments in the game when the player might think that Sunny dislikes Basil. The first one is when Omori kills Basil in Black Space, but that only happens because Omori wants to protect Sunny from the truth, not because Sunny hates him. The second moment is when Sunny leaves Basil in the bathroom. Again, he does it not because he hates him, but because he's afraid, Basil literally says himself:

"Sunny...W-Why...Why do you look so scared?"

Not angry or disgusted, but scared. Sunny was afraid and it made him leave. And that's Sunny's character flaw, he's afraid to face problems so he runs away from them, hurting people in the process. He didn't abandon his best friend for 4 years on purpose. Only in the final fight with Basil he found the courage to face his fears and stay to save him. Saving Basil is mandatory and without doing it you can't have the good ending and Sunny can't have a healthy, happy life. His healing is tied to Basil and people tend to ignore that.

Omori literally shows that these two care about each other more than anything. And yes, realistically their relationship would be unhealthy at first, but so would every other relationship in the main group, they all have problems that they need to work on, that's why therapy exist. So It's really hypocritical to hate on Sunnflower for being toxic and then ship the other characters.

On that note, If you think people with trauma can't form healthy relationships, don't deserve to be happy and won't ever get better - you're completely wrong.

The whole Sunnflower discourse proves people only see trauma victims through that lens, and completely disregard their previous relationships and characteristics.

Sunny and Basil's struggles make them feel real. Their trauma doesn't have to define them. They can grow and heal and be happy again and if you think otherwise then you completely missed the point of Omori.

#i had to get it out of my chest #stop harassing people for shipping it!#omori #omori basil #omori sunny #omori sunflower #omori sunnflower #sunny #basil #sunflower #sunnflower #sunny x basil

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qqueenofhades · 2 months

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Is it normal that I’m legitimately so scared of saying pretty morally tame things like “I don’t want to talk about genocide because it makes me severely uncomfortable” or in general expressing my political opinion.

Like i’m not even kidding when I say that all my drafts are just my possibly offensive (probably not) political takes i’m just so scared of everyone leaving me it’s not even funny.

Anyway i also think that if you talk about Palestine but not Ukraine you are a victim of Russian Propaganda™️

I’m sorry I don’t know why i did this have a nice day ok baiiiiiii

Here's the thing. You and every other average social media user should not have to masquerade as a sudden in-depth expert on every single social, political, humanitarian, etc. crisis that we are dealing with in this wretchedly miserable excuse for a timeline. It should not be a baseline expectation on you that when you log onto your little social media in your little average life, you have to come up with The Correct Opinions on everything and if you don't, you're "perpetrating oppression" by not vigorously spreading misinformation, instead of simply admitting that you don't know what to do, you as an average citizen are not in a position of making this change and therefore don't actually have to spend every waking minute obsessing about it, and that maybe, just maybe, you'd like to spend more time informing yourself until and/or IF you decide you want to talk about it. This is the same as the Instagram Activists (TM) who traumatize themselves to the point of PTSD by constantly consuming torture and/or war porn and/or graphic content about murdered children because they "don't have the right to look away." Actually, you do. You are able to make choices to control your personal social media use and to set boundaries as to what you do and do not want to do and/or see, rather than insisting that the only moral choice is to literally mentally destroy yourself with all the weight of human suffering in the world and then expected to act as a de facto expert on all of it, on pain of being Cancelled. This is a stupid, irrational, unhealthy, and generally idiotic expectation. You should not have to take part in it. Nobody should.

Likewise, I think that this is a large part of why people are so scared to voice any opinion that goes against the Prevailing Groupthink: they are afraid of losing friends, of having nasty bad-faith internet trolls say mean things about them, being accused of being a "bad person," or otherwise being guilt-tripped, shamed, and blamed for not centering their entire existence around something that they cannot actually do anything about. Once again, people think the only way you can be Known to Oppose Something Problematic (tm) is if you post on social media about it all the time. Forget whatever you might be doing offline, in your real life, or otherwise; it "doesn't count" if you don't make a big virtuous display of your Rightthink, or you will be viciously harassed. Now, look, I am old and/or tired enough that I don't give a shit what stupid internet users say about me, but I can tell you that I sure did when I was younger, it was incredibly painful to be on the end of those kinds of attacks, and it's (again!) not something you should just have to expect as a baseline level of gaslighting and harassment. As I have said. This is Tumblr. It is a stupid blue website mostly for fandom and/or three in-jokes. This is not a platform where we are expected To Do Social Justice all the time, nor should it be. As for Elon Musk's Twitter: yeah. No.

Also: yes, if you do spend all your waking moments obsessing over Palestine, but say nothing whatsoever about Ukraine and/or openly support Russia, you are in fact very much a victim of Russian Propaganda and you 100% support genocide when it's done by an "anti-western" state that you support for that reason alone. You only care because you can use the cause to make yourself look morally superior, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with opposing genocide on a basic, universal, or fundamental level. The end.

(I hope you have a nice day too. The anger in this is not directed at you. I support everything you've said here and hope that you're able to set healthy boundaries and protect yourself.)

#wolfieisacat #ask #politics for ts #apparently i am in a fighting mood today #so i might as well get it all out

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smytherines · 2 months

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Not to get too serious about something that was super fun and we all enjoyed immensely, but I keep thinking about the Mega Bastards headcanon video because the thing is...

in A1P1 Agent Mega is already shown to be drinking alcohol at inappropriate times (i.e. trying to escape a Russian weapons facility with his boyfriend). We tend to focus on Curt's drinking post-banana because of course we do. It's a traumatic event (even if it's his fault, ugh agent Mega) and definitely accelerates his drinking to the degree that he can't do his job for four years.

BUT he clearly already has a drinking problem at the beginning of the show. Owen reacts to him drinking out of the flask like this is a thing Curt regularly does, a thing Owen is at least somewhat concerned about. Curt even (very defensively) teases Owen into taking a swig himself.

So thinking about what Actor Curt Mega believes about Agent Curt Mega, that he regularly used to have to seduce women despite having no interest in women, it just makes the Mega bastards lore (as much fun as I've had with that) incredibly fucking sad. Like most things with SAF, first it's a farce, then it's a tragedy.

Curt Mega even uses the term "masking" (which definitely shot me in the heart as an AuDHD person), and while I personally headcanon Agent Mega as ADHD, there are still plenty of things that ADHDers have to conceal about themselves. A gay neurodivergent man in the 1950s-1960s would have to conceal so much about themselves that it absolutely could lead to substance use as a way to deal with it. Substance use is a pretty serious problem for ADHD & autistic (and queer!!) people precisely because we live in a society that is not built for us, that is often actively hostile to us, and we have to find ways to survive that.

Maybe this is too personal but I'm a chronic oversharer- my dad had alcohol use disorder. It destroyed his life. He passed away several years ago, and one of the hardest parts of my getting diagnosed with ADHD & autism as an adult was having to really reckon with the fact that he wasn't drinking because he was a bad person or because he didn't love me- he was drinking because he was born in the 50s and things like ADHD & autism weren't as well-understood, and as someone who was certainly autistic and possibly ADHD (there's a heavy genetic component there) he had to hide so much of himself. All the time. He was masking 24 hours a day. And I think he coped with that incredible pressure and physical and emotional distress by drinking. That drinking often made him defensive and petty and irresponsible.

Anyways, the more I think about the Mega bastards lore, the more heartbreaking it becomes. Agent Curt Mega's job requires him to have sex he doesn't want to have with people he is not attracted to. His life, safety, reputation, freedom all depend on nobody knowing he is in love with a man.

Actor Curt Mega kinda nailed it when he used the term "masking." There is really no part of Agent Mega's life where he is allowed to be himself, except for **maybe** when he and Owen are alone together, so when Owen "dies" and Agent Mega loses that one tiny place where he gets to be his authentic self, his drinking just goes over the edge.

As an Owen Carvour apologist I sometimes feel like the narrative doesn't really punish Agent Mega for being kind of an asshole in A1P1, but I'm sort of reframing it after the headcanon video, because it does make me wonder how much of that asshole behavior stems from his persistent alcohol use, his defensiveness when people point out issues arising from his alcohol use (Owen, Cynthia criticising his job performance), and the general macho tough guy affect Agent Mega has adopted to just survive living as a neurodivergent gay man in the 1950s.

I know it was just a fun unofficial kickstarter goal (and I got to make like six tinlightenment promo posts out of it so thank you for the promo content, sir), but it has legitimately kinda forced me to extend empathy to Agent Mega in a way that I didn't really do before.

Goddamn, this show has l a y e r s

#tinlightenment #spies are forever #agent curt mega #owen carvour #curtwen #curt mega #mega bastards #ok to reblog

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makethosenarratorsfight · 10 months

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UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SIDE C

*NOTE; tie sweeps require a 50/50 with a 0.2 margin. additionally, the extra propaganda is at the very bottom, with it being kinda funky

Harrowhark Propaganda:

She gave herself a lobotomy and gives completely incorrect flashbacks to the previous book. Things that straight up did not happen. Gaslight gatekeep girlboss.

She’s schizophrenic (confirmed by the author) and also lives in a world with necromancy and ghostly revenants. She’s not just an unreliable narrator for readers, she’s an unreliable narrator of her own internal experience. She knows this and has to work with people around her to compensate for it. Descent into spoilerville below. Seriously Do Not Read if you want to read these books. There’s also the little matter about how she is *not actually the narrator* of a huge chunk of the story that we are initially led to believe is being told from her perspective.

(Spoilers) Holy shit she is THE most unreliable narrator. This gremlin gave herself a lobotomy so that she could forget about Gideon Nav, the most important person in her life (for magic soul-preserving reasons) so half of the second book in the series is spent gaslighting the reader about a book they just read. She comes up with an entire alternate version of the events of the first book in the series to carefully exclude any mentions of Gideon, and any time someone says ‘Gideon’ in front of her she LITERALLY has a stroke and/or an intercranial hemorrhage as her brain overwrites the word with someone else’s name. God occasionally intentionally triggers her memory revision to get out of difficult conversations. She also hallucinates ALL the time (unrelated to the lobotomy). She shows up at her frenemy’s room in the middle of the night (think little kid stumbling to their parents’ room and saying “I frew up”) to ask her to come check underneath her bed for the corpse that’s been wandering the space station. When frenemy checks underneath the bed, frenemy claims not to see anything, and Harrow is such an unbelievably unreliable narrator that it’s an open question in the fandom as to whether frenemy genuinely didn’t see the corpse or if frenemy was just yanking Harrow’s chain. Harrow is also haunted by a literal ghost that fucks up her already fucked up alternate history. Girlie will pick up a piece of paper and read from it the most violent and haunting piece of prose ever composed, when in reality all that’s written on the paper is the elementary school Superman S*. I am NOT joking that is a real goddamn scene. Harrow was created to win this poll. TLDR; she has brain damage and memory loss, she hallucinates, and is also haunted. * https://twitter.com/vestenet/status/1301012651145859072

Girl is so unreliable, she unreliably tells me events I was there for!!! She's retelling the previous book and I'm like "girlie, this is absolutely not how it happened". Also, she gave herself a DIY lobotomy, it has to impact your memory center I guess

She literally had a lobotomy, how can she be reliable

Gideon Nav Propaganda:

(Spoilers for Ht9) She just. Fully ignores most of the magic plot happening around her in the first boom to be a dyke. In the second book it’s even less reliable and it’s fully fucking insane. It’s first person but she’s telling YOU (harrow) what is happening and it’s impossible to decipher. The appearance and personality of every character is fully morphed by Gideon’s mean dykishness.

MASSIVE spoilers. Like even mentioning that this is a thing is a huge fucking spoiler. I normally don’t care about spoilers that much but I legitimately feel awful for anyone with even a passing interest in reading these books who has this spoiled for them. Anyway. Yeah turns out the second-person narration is actually a first-person narration by the dead girl living in Harrow’s head whose death traumatized Harrow (and the entire fandom) so badly that she literally lobotomized herself to forget it and give Gideon a chance at not having her soul digested.

constantly adds her own commentary, does not pay attention to the interesting moving parts of the plot bc she's too busy looking at pretty girls, cannot be trusted to read her own intentions correctly never mind anyone else's. I love her dearly

she just doesn’t notice or doesn’t give a shit about a ton of plot-essential information. Harrow and Palamedes are talking about a necromantic theorem that would blow open the entire story if we could hear them? You can instantly feel Gideon’s eyes glaze over and her mind wander to the nearest available hot girl, and our attention goes with her. It’s handled so smoothly that you might not even notice it happening until a second or third read.

More Propaganda under cut!

Harrowhark:

Harrowhark is simply the unreliable narrator of all time. Can’t remember shit because of a lifetime of trauma? Check. Maybe lying to yourself and those around you a bit? Most definitely. Being gaslit by the survivors you depend on to orient you to reality? For sure. How about a little bit of canon schizophrenia? She’s got it all. Ghosts? Or something? Spirits that are attached in some way to your body and are not perceivable by others? Sure, sure! But how about spirits that are attached in some way to your body and are gonna use you to hijack others’ bodies and maybe kill God, too? Absolutely. Wee bit of DIY brain surgery? If it would make you an unreliable narrator, friends, then Harrowhark Nonagesimus has been there, been subjected to that!

Okay I don't know that much about this series since I haven't convinced myself to read all of the first book, but this is my blorbo in law so I'd feel bad not spreading propaganda (all of what I'm saying is something I've read, as to prevent myself from straight up submitting misinformation). So all of Harrow's unreliable narration takes place in the second book, Harrow the Ninth. Basically, without her even seemingto acknowledge it, Harrow's brain is very fucked up during this book, to the point where even she's not sure how reliable her narrative is. There's many questions left unclear as a result of her fucked up little brain, like what's real, what's fake, whether we can trust her judgement, whether even she can trust her own judgement, whether her original cavalier is dead or not (Harrow is convinced she is), etc. Let me tell you, I adore unreliable narrators who aren't even that sure if they're reliable. I have yet to eat that trope up here in this circumstance, but this poll might not run again by the time I do, so for now, here's my messed up blorbo in law.

OKAY SO REMEMBER MY GIDEON SUBMISSION? HARROW DOESN’T! SPOILERS AHEAD BECAUSE SHE LOBOTOMIZED HERSELF TO FORGET GIDEON BECAUSE THAT’S A HEALTHY WAY TO GRIEVE AND THEN IN THE ONLY PARTS OF HER BOOK THAT SHE NARRATES (THE REVISED CANAAN HOUSE PARTS) IT’S LITERALLY A ROOM FULL OF GHOSTS HER BRAIN SUMMONED TO DEAL WITH THE FACT THAT SHE CUT HER BRAIN IN HALF TO FORGET GIDEON. she also is a) haunted and b) psychotic, experiencing hallucinations her entire life of both the ghosts haunting her and less supernatural hallucinations- bells tolling, bones rattling, her parents (some of the only dead people NOT haunting her), etc! in the revised history of canaan house that her brainghosts invent, she brings along someone who knows about her psychosis to help reality check her when she tells him go! her caregiver as a child and support when she got older, crux, is a horrible man- but at one point, when someone other than harrow is in harrow’s body and tells him “i am not harrowhark, i am sorry,” his response is simply “aye, you’ve said that before too. who are you then, if not my lady harrowhark?” showing his familiarity with her psychosis and his love for the child he wouldn’t dare see as a daughter. but enough about that lets talk about her unreliable narration! she lies about her feelings of course but she also simply hides the truth from everyone, all the time, compulsively. also literally the entire section of her book that she narrates is a lie she’s telling US about a lie she’s telling HERSELF and no one understands even a little bit of the truth until like the last act of the book. queen.

Gideon Nav:

Gideon Nav is all but useless as a narrator, and we love her for it. So first of all, she knows absolutely nothing. She grew up under a rock. Almost literally. When the plot is happening near her, she almost never tells us about it. Politics, history, and the magic system are boring. Let her know when there's something she can FIGHT. She also has very selective emphasis and focus that can change a scene completely without ever actually lying. She can tell the same story—to us, in her third-person narration as a factual recounting—and in one version the incident will be a schoolyard scuffle, while a later telling will reveal it to have been a near-homicide. She'll confidently interpret other character's motivations and emotions, only to later be proven wrong. But the thing that makes her REALLY unreliable? She lies to HERSELF constantly. She will tell us in her narration that she doesn't give a shit where someone disappeared to, and then spend the whole day searching for them. She'll say she hates someone, when. Well....

okay so i am actually going to do one segment about her own book and one about harrow’s so many apologies and also many spoilers ahead okay? okay so in gideon the ninth it’s a well known thing that she’s an unreliable narrator on two fronts: she lies to herself and therefore us about how she’s feeling and what she’s thinking, and also she isn’t paying attention to the plot at all. the only things she pays any attention to are hot girls, swords, and hot girls with swords. at one point she watches their only way out be sealed off and is so bored about it that she goes to sleep watching it happen, taking absolutely no note of “oh hey they’re trapping us here”. later someone asks IN FRONT OF HER “hey where did all our shuttles go” and shes like “😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌” and still does not make the connection. babygirl. but THEN!!!!! in HARROW the ninth (MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD) gideon is the narrator the ENTIRE TIME (except for the revised canaan house parts) and not only does she editorialize, she also straight up lies about events and motivations! partially justified by her being inside harrow’s head, but like. babygirl. beloved. the interjections of “holy fuck” and “pommel” and othersuch things is so important to my mental health and wellbeing. thank you. thank you for lying to us so so much.

#gideon nav #gideon the ninth #the locked tomb #harrowhark #harrowhark nonagesimus #harrow the ninth #unreliable narrator battle #unreliable narrators #polls #side c

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givemewallywestorgivemedeath · 1 year

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Wait raven assaulted Wally?? Was she like, evil then? Why would she do that

Yeah, Raven put a love spell on Wally in the NTT comics. She wasn't 'evil' per say, more like the writers at the time didn't really know how to handle female characters and definitely didn't acknowledge sexual violence against male characters.

That's the meta reason at least. The in context reason is that Wally quit the Teen Titans to go off to university and Raven wanted him to stay on the team. So she put a spell on him that'd make him madly in love with her and always want to be beside her.

I did a few other in-depth posts about this that go into further details.

The bare bones of it is that Wally's worst nightmare at that time was being possessed by Raven and forced to have sex with her. I'm not joking, Wally's literal hell is depicted as that.

When Wally found out about the spell he broke down crying. Soon after he quit the Titans. He was forced to love Raven against his will, he gave up his entire life for her, he left university for her. He hated her but he still loved her. And that's what he left it at.

Do you understand how insane that is? He knows that he hates her. He viscerally hates her for what she did to him and yet he still loves her because she never actually lifted the spell.

It drives me insane because it's still active to this day. If Wally is in the same room as Raven he legitimately forgets his own wife's name in front of his children. It's really gross.

Anyway, Wally has a 'player' reputation from this because he 'relentlessly pursued' Raven but if people actually read the series they'd know it was established from the get go that he was under the influence of a spell. It really fucked Wally up too. The whole thing (rightly) traumatized him and he had a whole bunch of relationship issues after that. (poor dude was traumatized and thought he was unlovable)

Anyway. It sucks.

It's also not the first time Raven's done that to someone

#dc #dc comics #the flash #kid flash #wally west

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jayden-killer · 10 months

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DREAMS ARE MY REALITY. (pt.2)

part 1

What would happen if your favourite fictional character appeared in your bed...?

A/N: hellooo! Part 2 is finally here! 🙌 exams finished!! So now, full focus on my tumblr blog, heheh. This time chapter is longer. As always, just the reminder that I'm not a native English speaker, so you might find some errors. If you do, point them out to me! Enjoy the reading.~

Warnings: mention of the traumatic life of Miguel (both comics and movie), kinda derealisation if you hint it?, angst haha :)

Taglist (write me down in the comments if you want to be added!): @strxngegirl @d1lf-loverrr @laysmt @musicalhistorical @souichi-sbitch

☆

«You!»

I pressed the pillow against him, ready for any movement from the muscular man in front of me. His unkempt hair and a remnant of drool at the corner of his mouth confirmed my previous suspicions: he had fallen asleep in my bed. But how could he be divine even in that way? My eyes fell on his clothing: the holographic Spider-man suit was still on the young man. And he noticed my gaze fell there, then brought his attention back to me.

«Why are you pointing a pillow at me? It's not even a weapon».

«Ha, ha» faked a laughter, «That's is...amusing. How did you end up in my house, Miguel O'Hara? Did you fly with your webs through the window? Do you come from the roof of the building?»

And how do you know that my name is Miguel?" The man slowly approached me, losing his self-doubt demeanor that he had until recently, and I threatened him again with the pillow, lifting it up more as a reminder. «Stop there» My finger pointed to a precise point in the room, «First: what are you doing here. Second: how can you be real?»

«Are you answering my question with another question? Seriously?» Miguel's hands found place on his hips, and his eyebrow rose. I felt I was being watched too much by his eyes, which menacingly scanned me from head to toe.

«I'm in charge here, whether you like it or not, I make the rules here. Now, answer»

A snort left Miguel's lips. He rolled over more than once, shaking his head as if he was trying to find the right words. Well, a clear and comprehensive explanation didn't seem bad.

«Alright. I don't know how it happened, apparently my Gizmo started showing signs of instability as I traveled through the multiverse. The destination was marked for Earth-42. At the last minute, this maldito reloje decided to take me up to Earth-199999» Silence fell between us. I pushed the pillow aside, sitting on the edge of my bed to better focus on Miguel's bizarre story. The man seemed to mutter something in Spanish, but it was hard to decipher what he had said. He continued to look at me without looking away. «I was catapulted into this universe. The portal threw me onto the hood of a truck and the driver, seeing me, almost threw the truck into the wall. Luckily I managed to fly out of there with my webs».

«May I know then why did you come to my house?»

«I'm not done yet.»His eyes narrowed. I gulped fearfully. The man took a deep breath and continued to tell his story. «As I was saying, I flew away immediately. I wandered the streets for a while, and I saw how different your universe is from mine. The means of transport, the buildings, the people. I was tired, my strength was out of me. Your building was the closest. And your window was open. Besides, I would never hurt you. I'm a Spider-Man after all.»

«Yes, but you still attacked a fifteen-year-old boy because he didn't listen to you.»

«What?»

«What?» I laughed embarrassed. «Okay, I get it big boy. So you had a good sleep in my house, good, but now you should reall-Hey! What are you doing?»

«How can I be a giant poster hanging on your bedroom wall?» His was more than a legitimate question. I would have felt uncomfortable (and also quite lost) if I suddenly saw a poster with my face on it. I wouldn't have liked it at all. Even though Miguel was handling it well. I noticed how his head didn't move an inch, but he instead showed a surprised look at finding himself in poster form.

«Well, it's a long story...» I began.

«I have all the time in the world».

At that moment I looked at Miguel, then at the poster again and heaved a long sigh.

«What I'm trying to say is...you shouldn't be real». I put much more emphasis on the last word. Oh, God. Things were taking a turn for the worse. How could he believe what I was about to tell him? He had always felt real, but to me, he has always been part of the fictional world. It was just a drawing, yet he was here. How was all this possible? He was way beyond the multiverse.

«Miguel, I know it may seem strange to you, but you're part of a movie, you're a comic book character. You're...».

I couldn't.

I didn't want to make him feel like someone out of this world. I already understood what he had been through before. The loss of his mother, his brother Gabriel, the abuse from his father, and even the loss of his daughter, Gabriella. To tell him that it was just pure fiction, an invention of some brilliant mind would have been... not right. But Miguel wasn't stupid and he immediately grasped what I wanted to tell him. His gloved hand curiously and delicately traced his figure on the piece of paper. He shook his head, almost as if I were telling an unfunny joke. I couldn't blame him. I would have reacted way worse than the man. It was at that moment that I noticed the man in question ran a hand through his brown hair and swallowed hard, his back to me the entire time. In the meantime, worried, I was playing with the edges of my nightgown, with the fear that he might tear me to pieces.

«I feel real». His voice boomed off the walls. And I looked up to notice strange movements. «I am true. Even if all this creates a lot of...confusion for me».

«Miguel, you deserved to know...» I broke into the conversation, trying to find valid explanations. «I had to...»

«No». He held up a hand to stop me. A moment of silence followed. «You did the right thing. Being Spider-man also leads to these consequences... doesn't it?». It didn't seem that the sentence was addressed to me, but more to him.

«Maybe you need to take a shower, yes?». I tried to change the subject, my tone going from concerned to persuasive. «I have some clothes left here by my brother in case of an emergency. Maybe they'll fit a little short on the shoulders, but they'll have to go».

Without saying anything, Miguel nodded, then asked me where the bathroom was, so he could freshen up.

«Take your time, so don't rush-»

Slam!

Shit. What did I do?

#miguel ohara #miguel o hara headcanons #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel spiderman #spiderman across the spider verse spoilers #spiderman across the verse #spiderman 2099 #miguel o'hara x y/n #miguel o hara x reader #miguel o hara x you #marvel imagine #mcu #sfw #fan fiction #fanfic

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topersevereassentiment · 4 months

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What are the salient features of Asriel, post-canon, that keep us from "saving" him from life alone in the Underground?

He's soulless (a practical problem),

he'll soon return to being a flower (a practical problem) and would prefer that you think of him like this rather than Flowey (a personal and interpersonal problem), and

he's decided to stay and tend the grave of the fallen child (and this is not really a problem at all; rather, a decision, which the boundary conditions of Undertale require us to respect).

There is a lot of UT post-canon fic out there which treats all these as practical problems. Frisk can just get a soul from somewhere, throw Alphys technobabble or soul arcanobabble at the body issue; get Flowey in therapy; and... also get Flowey in therapy for that last one, because his decision isn't really legitimate, in save-the-goat stories. It's self-harm. Which, personally, is both understandable and missing the point of one of the game's core themes: no matter how many times you restart the story, there are things you can't do; you are not getting a 100% Complete Perfect Pacifist where even Asriel is saved, and it's okay to be wistful about it, but you still need to put down the controller eventually. Getting him to the surface happens a lot in fic, because we all want the goldenest ending, but it could never happen in canon and we just have to live with it. It's thematically potent and I'd lose a lot of respect for Undertale's commitment to its story if you could circumvent it.

(Incidentally, this feels to me like it stems from the same ideas as making "* I have places to be" the wrong answer, a giving-in to Frisk's self-sacrificing, self-disregarding nature which must be corrected. Sometimes, you have to let people live and make their own decisions, outside the boundaries of the story's frame. Your perspective only goes so far.)

...now, fluffier, more sympathetically-traumatized Asriel, on the other hand...!

Ralsei's woes in Deltarune are very visibly the same kind of isolation as what Asriel's dealing with at the end of Undertale, but a) it's worse (a whole lifetime of waiting in a very deliberately empty, lifeless, three-screen-long kingdom) and b) he's stuck there for purely practical reasons. Darkners can't enter the Light World without becoming objects. He never made a decision to be here.

It's not something we can technobabble our way out of right now, but we're only in Chapter 2, right? We can save him, in a way we can't save Asriel: the deadlock we can't resolve has been removed; we don't really have to think about his preferences any more, because the preferences that kept us from helping him and left him stuck in the Underground I mean Dark World are just gone.

His issues are also much more obvious from the get-go, and seem designed to be something we talk him out of – not Asriel's decision to stay by his lost friend's grave, with a weight of meaning and feeling behind it, but hero worship, subservience, religious dedication to the Prophecy and self-image issues, all clear and visible dysfunctions. Giving Asriel therapy has left the realm of fanfiction and wish fulfillment and become part of canon... and the real disagreements we had with UT!Asriel over what he was and meant and deserved have become simple roadblocks for DR!Asriel whoops I mean Ralsei, things we have to help him through. Practical problems where the solution is friendship speech + therapy.

To make a slightly heavy-handed comparison, Ralsei saying we exist to serve Lightners and gratefully referring to himself as Kris's lackey is Anthy saying I'm the Rose Bride because I like it. It's the kind of reason we're inclined to reflexively overrule without working to deal with it at its root. Ralsei is Asriel, minus the irreconcilable and bittersweet parts, someone whose objections to being helped have either been removed or simplified down until we can feel good about disabusing him of them. He's our wish fulfillment in the way that candy on trees might be Susie's and a city of shining lights might be Noelle's and Giant Arcade Consoles might be Berdly's: an Asriel you can help, who you can make go to therapy and deal with the problems that keep him from caring for himself; who'll shut up, comply and let himself be saved.

...so the fact that Kris – whose personal issues are opaque, complex, and frustrating; who appears to be actively hiding parts of their life and motives from us; who clearly doesn't want our help or an improved social life at the expense of their agency – finds him so distasteful might not just be because he's a parody of their brother or Secretly Evil or whatever. If Ralsei is "the kid they're supposed to be" it's not just his fluff and horns!

#deltarune #undertale #deltarune meta #undertale meta #ralsei #asriel #kris dreemurr

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egalitarian-tomboy · 3 months

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Kalim’s Desperation & Brokenness

I don’t think people understand how traumatized & broken Kalim is.

“What’re you talking about? Isn’t he the most sunshine-filled characters in Twisted Wonderland?” I hear you ask.

Let me explain.

While Kalim isn’t a prince, he still comes from a long line of influential and powerful merchants that have family members connected to the royal family of the Scalding Sands. He’s the eldest child and the heir to the family business that he will take over once his father retires. Because of his claim, many assassination attempts have been made on his life. From jealous extended family members to rival merchants. He’s 17 years old and he’s developed the ability to identify poisons. That’s not normal. That’s not something a normal teenager has to worry about or needs to develop. He’s been poisoned enough times that he eventually began to question everything he’s been given to eat except for the food and drinks that were prepared by Jamil. Because he trusts him that much. Did anyone stop & think about the fact that Kalim grew up thinking the next meal could be his last? That he grew up not wanting to eat anything regardless of who made it until Jamil started to cook for him? That’s legitimate PTSD he has that just gets glossed over.

Also because he is the number one target of his family’s rivals and jealous family members, he never got to make legitimate friends aside from Jamil. Jamil was his first and only boy in his age group not connected by blood that he was able to socialize with and hang out with. Jamil got to go to a normal school while Kalim had to be tutored away from the other kids. Jamil got to enjoy festivals among the crowds without the worry of being kidnapped, while Kalim had to attend the family gatherings / business meetings first before he was allowed to go celebrate with the others. Even then he was under constant supervision. It wasn’t until he started attending NRC that he started to make friends in his own age group outside of his family home. That’s depressing as fuck. So of course he’s going to try to get people around him to enjoy themselves and be happy. There’s a desperation in his happiness that doesn’t get pointed out by others but he’s not a robot that only knows joy. He’s not dumb. He knows that the world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. He’s been the target of several assassination attempts and he flat out says that Jamil could’ve killed him at any point in his 17 years of life. He trusted him with his life on a daily basis, if anyone had the chance to kill him it’d be Jamil. But Jamil didn’t kill him, he wanted to be free of the caste system that bounded them as Master-Servant.

Kalim has been able to bluntly point out to people their concerns and their thoughts about people / topics. Although he’s oblivious to some social situations, that doesn’t mean he’s not adept at reading social cues. Especially since he was one of the first to realize that Vil was starting to act like Jamil before he overblot.

The students at NRC don’t see him as being selfish and uncaring, quite the opposite. A lot of the dormmates see Kalim as almost a brother-like figure and they’re all willing to let Jamil have a second chance at being Vice Warden after he reverted back to normal because Kalim asked them to give him a chance. In terms of the main cast, he’s fun to be around and he’s very sweet. But they’re not afraid to tell him “no” just because he’s from a prestigious family. That’s something I believe he’s been craving more than his freedom from his own house.

I believe that Kalim is partially inspired by Jasmine as well because Jasmine’s entire thing was getting freedom to do what she wanted and fall in love with who she wanted. Because if you really think about it...Kalim might be forced into an arranged marriage and that means that Kalim might not even have the chance to fall in love with who he wants.

He has a lot of development he still needs to do. But I believe his time at NRC is beneficial to that growth. Hopefully this post kind of helped flesh out this whole perspective of him.

#Twisted Wonderland #Disney's Twisted Wonderland #TWST #Kalim Al Asim #Kalim Asim #Long Post #Analysis

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antimony-medusa · 11 months

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So Why Do I Keep Talking About Don't Like: Don't Read and Block And Move On?

So there are ships in my fandom that don't do it for me. There are characters who I do not like, there are tropes that make me grimace, there are relationship dynamics that I can't see any way that they could be delivered and still bring me any joy (in fact they actively make my day unpleasant). When I fill out my Do Not Want for exchanges, I have a BUNCH of stuff on that list. There's stuff in every fandom that I'm part of that makes me go "Oh boy that's a no from me". And my reaction to that is to ignore it. Block terms if necessary, unfollow people, just— leave it along. Don't like: don't read.

But why? Because that's not necessarily the fandom norm. This fandom definitely has a tendancy to actively go after stuff that it doesn't like. Especially on twitter, but I've seen it here too, especially when it comes to ships people don't like, or character takes they think are problematic, or creators they hate. Sending messages to warn people about other blogs, searching up the thing you don't like to hate on the people who post it, screenshotting the thing you hate or just talking about how bad it is so you can all be angry together. And man I just think that's a really bad idea.

The reason I think going after the thing you think is bad is a bad idea falls under two major headings. The first is what it does to you. Some of the things I don't like are just because they rub me the wrong way, or I think it's rude. But a good portion of the stuff I don't like is because it taps directly into some pretty serious stuff. If this is bringing up actual major trauma in my life, things I'm afraid of or bad things that happened, I do understand the desire to focus on it and the eraticate it. It's the same thing that makes you keep biting down on a painful tooth or poking at a painful eye. The thing hurts, so I give my attention to it. But oh boy, giving extra space in my head to the thing that is painful to me is not something that I should be doing lightly, and especially not in my recreational space. I see people being like "I hate this/this is bad because it's related to my trauma", but I can't overstate how bad of an idea it is to go "okay, this is terrible and related to my trauma, therefore I am going to search it up and focus on it and talk about it and share it with everyone I know. I'm going to make this traumatic thing a feature of my life".

You're just giving extra space in your head to the thing that hurts you. Don't give it that. Block the tags, ignore it, go full "I won't see it and I won't respond to it".

And even when it's just that I think something is rude, there's posting a careful post about the rudeness that you think some people might not have thought of and washing your hands of it (which is fine but like the amount of times I've started typing it and then gone "wait, everyone who follows me knows this, I don't have to post this, leave it along"), and then there's making it a feature of your blog to talk about how rude something is— why are you giving a slice of your precious life to the rudeness. Why are you giving them the spotlight? Why are you choosing to celebrate the worst things possible, and not the good things?

And then the other thing where I'm like— you're gonna see stuff you don't like, it is the internet, when you do so I'm begging you to just leave it be and walk away— is what it does to other people.

So I spent ten years on twitter. And in that time I have seen my fair share of hate mobs. Some of them are attacking legitimately horrible people. Some of them are completely misinformed and/or operating off of pure hatred. Some of them are attacking people over the most trivial things. But the thing is that with amost all of them, once they really started rolling, the impact they had was disproportionate to what anyone who was talking in good faith wanted. Someone would start a careful conversation about racism, and then people would go "oh, something I hate", and twelve hours later it's just several thousand people screaming over the original people who just wanted something to be fixed, and instead the person who fucked up is scared off the internet and being doxxed. Sometimes the original problem got fixed, but over half the times the person just closed down because they were being screamed at and learned nothing, and that's pulling from the situations where there was an actual problem to be fixed, and not misinformation or hatred or like, liking the wrong ship motivating things. And like, getting mobbed can really fuck someone up. People have had to check themselves into hospital and worse over this.

There's participating in someone saying "hey, this is fucked up", and that's something we should all do when it comes to matters of bigotry, but it's real important to be able to tell when a conversation is no longer being productive and is just about calling for someone's blood. Saying "hey, this trope plays into sexist stereotypes and you should be aware of it" is a great conversation to have. Attacking and mocking people who wrote the wrong trope does not actually increase the store of justice in the world.

And that's for things that you have a rational, principled reason for thinking is bad. A bunch of the time you just don't like a thing! And that's fine! You're allowed to not like things! But starting the ball of hatred rolling because you don't like things— oh in that case you do not have the moral high ground. You're just a bully.

Like at a certain point you have to start looking at matters of harm reduction, and going "I hate this ship, is calling everyone who likes it filthy degenerates actually going to make the world better, or is it going to make them feel bad and then double down, and nothing good happens". Or is it going to get even worse? Is it going to lead to a mob that causes in real world harm— people's housing or jobs impacted, or mental health, or worse! Sometimes it gets worse!

Sometimes a ship or trope you don't like can feel like a personal attack, but like, in the vast majority of cases, you're having an emotional reaction to something you don't like, you're not actually being harassed. You can feel like it's a good idea and even justified to strike back at this thing that is so bad, but like, in actuality it's just some words on a page someone wrote. Stabbing back at it is biting down on the injured tooth again, it's making things worse. Your best bet is to not give it power. Block terms, block users, ask the mods to not match you with certain people or ships, unfollow people— walk away. Don't spend time on it. Ignore it and focus on something good.

Engaging with things you hate is bad for you, and it's bad for the people around you, and way too much of the time it's disproportionately bad for the people who like the thing you hate. So I'm all in on Block And Move On, and Don't Like: Don't Read.

#discourse #fandom meta

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