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stuffeddeer · 6 months

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just thought of the most rom-com scenario ever. reader is the new hire for the ADA and immediately off the bat, dazai is dazai. reader just takes it as the typical sense of humor and just laughs it off, thinking he’s not actually interested considering his many various ventures. eventually the two of them are assigned to missions quite often (with atsushi as a third wheel) and the two get along great in terms of humor, personality, work in the field… it boggles atsushi’s mind that the two of them aren’t at least going on ONE date. one night dazai tells him in a drunken stupor over the phone he has feelings for y/n but doesn’t want to ruin what they have. y/n ends up telling atsushi they don’t know what to do if they keep getting missions with dazai because one of these days they may slip up due to him just BEING there. he ends up confiding in both yosano and kunikida about it when the two are out of the office and they both just go “y/n and HIM??? anyone deserves better than THAT” but yosano means it in a more teasing way and kunikida means it in a serious way because. kunikida. thus begins a quest for atsushi; to bring the two together, and it drives him NUTS because the two both don’t think the other likes them. dazai assumes y/n would rather have interest in any other guy and y/n assumes dazai would rather have interest in any other person. this ends up with many funny scenarios such as:

1. atsushi leaving a note on dazai’s desk that reads “i want to talk to you in the hallway at __ time today.” and leaving an identical one on y/n’s desk so they can cross paths outside of working together and possibly start a convo and go somewhere. it backfired and the two just say “weird coincidence. everyone must’ve got this!” and wave bye

2. atsushi trying to subtly tell dazai y/ns favorite flower and he just says “oh, that’s great! are you getting them a birthday present early or something”

3. even kunikida being forced into trying to help by asking dazai if he is interested in hanging out with him and y/n (so he can pretend to end up being sick and it would just be dazai and y/n) and dazai saying “oh, is this some sort of elaborate scheme you’re planning on order to have a date with y/n and so it won’t be awkward with just the two of you? i’ll pretend to be sick when it happens for you!” LIKE GOD DAMM DAZAI STOP BEING INSECURE ITS YOU BOY?!

basically stuff like that goes on so much to the point where when the ADA is out celebrating a successful year of missions at a karaoke bar atsushi just yells out over the mic: “I HAVE HAD ENOUGH THIRD WHEELING HERE!!!!! Y/N AND DAZAI YOU BOTH likeeachother-“ and they’re just. WHAT

(SORRY FOR ALL THE TEXT LMFAO)

anon you literally wrote this for me idek what to say you’re so cool

Atsushi’s eyes widened. “What?! I can’t go on this mission, I have, um… an appointment.” Nailed it. “Dazai can take my place! He’s not doing anything right now.” Normally, Kunikida would have pointed out this obvious lie, but he remained quiet - pretty much everyone in the agency knew what he was up to.

Dazai actually was doing something for the first time in a while, but surely this mission was much more important. The brunet took off with you, headed out on an actually very unimportant mission you definitely could’ve taken care of on your own while Atsushi planned.

The tiger boy was quick to tell you and Dazai upon your return about tonight’s important karaoke celebration! And when you tried to weasel your way out of it, Yosano had practically dragged you down to the place. You were ushered next to Dazai as Atsushi and Yosano chose songs for everyone to sing. They said it was to make sure Dazai didn't pick something depressing or you would try to bail out again - this way, everyone had to go. But also... this way, you and Dazai would be stuck singing a romantic duet.

Of course, the two of you took it horribly wrong (in Atsushi's opinion), you both fully committing to the "joke song" Atsushi selected, wholly pretending in the moment. He'd wanted some romantic moment where you two realized you were destined to be together, but you both are just so stupid—

Atsushi had been up next, and was gripping the microphone tightly. He wasn't one to let his anger take over, but this was just getting ridiculous. As the opening notes played to the song he chose, he shouted out your deepest secret, and Dazai's as well.

You both like each other.

With slack jaws and wide eyes, every agency member stared at Atsushi in shock. He'd turned pink as he realized his mistake, muttering apologies as he placed the mic back down. Tense silence filled the air, the only sound being the scraping of Ranpo's spoon along the ceramic ice cream dish he'd ordered.

After a moment, Yosano started clapping. "Someone had to say it, and we all knew they wouldn't."

The rest of karaoke was horribly awkward for you and Dazai. You'd moved ever so slightly away from each other, completely embarrassed. What if Atsushi had just made up that Dazai likes you back? What if Atsushi had just made up that you like Dazai back? All either of you knew is that he had yelled out your biggest secret, and neither of you were too excited to sing anymore.

The lights had been turned on and everyone was gathering their things. It had been a fun night out, all things considered. Yosano got completely hammered and Ranpo couldn't direct his way home if his life were at stake, so Kunikida and Atsushi led the both of them back to their homes (with Kyouka right on Atsushi's tail). The Tanizaki siblings had left a bit before everyone for whatever their reasons were, so just you and Dazai were left standing outside the karaoke bar, awkwardly gazing out at the quiet city.

"So... tonight was different, huh?" You spoke anxiously, picking at a loose thread on your top.

"I didn't expect Ranpo to be that good a singer," Dazai replies with a polite smile.

You sighed. The last thing you wanted was for things to turn awkward between the two of you. "Listen, Dazai— "

"Do you want to walk home with me?" He cut you off.

You smiled softly, letting out a small chuckle. "Of course."

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watchinglikeafangirl · 11 months

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I like the message in "XO, Kitty" since it's the exact opposite of "to all the boys" because the first love doesn't stay. Lara Jean and Peter find each other and stay together even though their relationship doesn't really work out and they just stay with each other since it's the first love. They stay with each other because they are used to it but there was something that felt off about it in the following movies.

"XO, Kitty" doesn't have that. I feared Kitty and Dae would stay together and just ignore the fact it maybe doesn't work. Yuri and Juliana experience the same thing. You may have been in love once and then life changed, you changed and suddenly they're not the one any more. It has nothing to do with long distance, it's just how life goes at that age. Kitty and Dae were in love, they know each other inside out and yet, they don't fit. Yuri and Juliana overcame their obstacle but it suddenly doesn't feel right. Yuri got Juliana back but it feels like the end. I think Kitty and Yuri are starting new, just not with each other. I think their timing is wrong. I believe Kitty and Yuri will take an aweful long time but will be the ones ending up together. Something about the scene at the airport told me that since Kitty started her life in Korea with Yuri and ends it with her (just for holidays but you know what I mean) they are connected and maybe not the obvious choice yet.

Here's how I think this is gonna go. Kitty will start something with Min Ho to get over her feelings which is easy since they are in the US. Then they get back and there's Yuri again, I can see the drama unfold already lol. Yuri herself is with Juliana. In the end one of them, Yuri or Kitty, is gonna break up while the other is still in a relationship. And then there's some pining, maybe some secret confessions or whatever and then, at some point, Kitty and Yuri have a happy ending. It would take like two more seasons lol

But really, I'm gonna be mad if these two don't end up together and I need some Min Ho appreciation

#xo kitty #kitty x yuri #min ho #min ho x kitty #i need him happy too #and poor q is lost in all this drama #i hope dae finds someone tho

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xhdream · 4 months

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I'll keep it short and simp~ holding hands with Seungmin💜 -🎃

tags: just seungmin being bf material

his hand always finds its way back into yours wherever you are. he loves the comfort he feels while your fingers stay intertwined together or the excitement he gets when you pull him towards a random store you want to visit - you never drop his hand, you just pull him by his arm, making him chuckle like a kid. 🥹 when it’s winter he holds your hand while warming it in his pocket, when it’s summer and you’re too hot he pleads to at least hold him by his pinkie finger.

so one time when you were out and you got frustrated with him you made sure to keep your distance while walking back home, cause you knew he’d try grabbing your hand, which was only going to make you melt and forget you’re supposed to be angry. “watch out,” he pulls you towards him by the shoulders and you stumble over. “too busy to pretend you’re mad at me you can’t watch where you’re going?” you dismiss his amused grin, sidestepping a spilled drink on the ground. you cross your arms in front of your chest and keep walking ahead of him. “i saw that,” you lie. “i was just about to—“ you try to add further, but your sentence suddenly gets cut off, when you lurch back, after seungmin slides fingers in the back pocket of your jeans to turn you around.

you’re face to face when now both of his palms are buried into your pockets, cupping your butt cheeks eagerly. he squeezes harder, causing you to press your body into his chest, and hang your arms over his shoulders. everything about this including his longing gaze, his warmth and soothing scent, makes your knees go weak. you swallow, fighting the temptation to kiss him. “at least hold my hand,” he utters through his lips that are so close to yours, you can feel his warm breath pulling you in.

has anyone watched to all the boys i’ve loved before?? the scene where peter turns lara jean by the pocket of her jeans yea that’s seungmin!

#i can be soft too 😤#💌: xhdream inbox #🎃 anon #xdinary heroes imagines #o.de x reader #seungmin x reader #xdinary heroes x reader #requests <3

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somethingoriginal127 · 3 months

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I keep finding out way later in life that apparently when other love interests are obviously introduced to stories as annoying blockers to build anticipation, angst, or excitement people actually gaf about them sometimes??? they care??? here are some examples

1. I read the summer i turned pretty forever ago. i mean FOREVER ago. It never occurred to me people were team Jeremiah because belly so obviously and so loudly did not fw him like that?? Conrad had to be the worst person on purpose to push her TO Jeremiah so it never even crossed my mind that was a choice, because why would Belly be with someone when she obviously was obsessed with their brother??😭And I don’t mean that in a funny a way i genuinely just thought the Jeremiah parts, even when they were full on dating was just to build anticipation and tell a full story. It didn’t ever occur to me people could prefer him to Belly when i was younger.

2. also tsitp Cam Cameron ? Strongly dgaf I can smell a temporary boyfriend from a MILE away it’s a gift. I knew he’d be gone as quick as he came. Bells just needed some experience.

3. on the topic of Jenny Han, John Ambrose? Didn’t ever occur to me Lara jean could end up with him not even once I never entertained the thought. he appeared and I was like “ooo angst and jealous Peter?!” And was pumped. Couldn’t care less about the character but was so ready for Peter pining after Lara Jean or for her to realize she didn’t care about him like she did Peter. genuinely never thought she should/would pick him.

4. This one is actually baffling to me: Rachel, Calypso, and literally everyone else who ever flirted with Percy. I’m so sorry … you thought that may happen?! How?! He didn’t gaf about Rachel romantically like at all. Yes he said he thought about it but only because Annabeth stresses him out not because he had an actual crush on Rachel, he said himself she would’ve just been an easy choice. I knew those two were girls were plot devices (That later become characters in their own right make no mistake!)

5. My most unpopular opinion Julian Hates. Don’t get me wrong I love this man, I do. And you guys hate BJ you do. (I cannot relate) But did you really think for a second Magnolia was going to move on from BJ the whole point of those two is they literally just have to be together. But I’ll let someone else have this one because I just love Parks and Beej which is super unpopular but I can’t help it.

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kierreras · 9 months

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Do you think Jenny will change endgames? Manny fans are speculating that she's doing that to please all of her fans, so book girlies get their bonrad endgame in the books and show girlies get their jelly endgame in the show

well, we're not in the kindergarten and jenny knows that it's not going to work this way. i think that she's not changing endgames, if she does it, it means that she disrespects her previous work and, trust me, no author does that. during the tatbilb's press there were also some talks from jenny that maybe lara jean would be with john ambrose, not peter kavinsky, but we all know how tatbilb ended. clearly there are some changes, but major things are still the same, so i'm not worried about the endgames at all. i just hope that we'll get season four to wrap the story properly cause it would be so great to see belly and conrad finding their way back to each other, belly in spain, jeremiah getting his life back on track, maybe some reconciliation between fisher brothers. and staylor! i need more staylor! so i'm not worried about the endgames, i'm worried that ten episodes are not enough to finish the story properly. and oh i'm worried about my mental health after the last episode cause the moment i hear exile i'm lost to the society. so yeah, those are my only worries for tsitp

#ask #tsitp #the summer i turned pretty #tsitp spoilers #kind of?

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poppletonink · 7 months

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Review: To All The Boys I've Loved Before

★★★★★ - 5 stars

"My life was a mess but I could clean my room."

To All The Boys I've Loved Before is a teen rom-com with a very important message: never write love letters you don't intend to send.

It tells the story of Lara Jean Covey: the love-obsessed teenager that exists within every rom-com lover, an introvert with a sole friend and an undeniable addiction to The Golden Girls. Lara Jean has had five crushes, all of whom have a letter addressed to them tucked away in a turquoise box - letters she never intended to send. Somehow, the letters are out and Lara Jean finds herself in a romance drama of her own making, and in a fake relationship with one of the most popular boys in school: Peter Kavinsky...

Despite what could be argued as the overuse of the fake dating trope within romantic fiction circles, To All The Boys is a prime example of why this trope still stands, through Jenny Han's exquisite development of the relationship between Peter and Lara Jean. Through the outstanding acting of Lana Condor and Noah Centino, this film is a perfect depiction of the conflicting nightmare of teenage crushes and the heartwarming feelings associated with first love.

Even with romance as the focus of the film, the friendships that are developed throughout are just as beautiful and meaningful. Whether it's the unlikely friendship between Chris and Lara Jean or the sibling-like bond between Peter and Kitty, the audience sees a type of love that breaks expectations and creates hilarious moments. To All The Boys I've Loved Before shows that relationships hold an importance within life no matter what form they are in, something that isn't seen enough in rom-coms.

Funny and well-written, with relatable characters and a swoonworthy love story, To All The Boys I've Loved Before is a must watch for every hopeless romantic out there.

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soughthopearchived · 1 year

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Hello there! Thank you for choosing to follow my blog I only have a few rules that I wish you to follow:

Personal blogs please don’t interact with my content.

This blog is multiverse & multi-ship but I ship based on chemistry.

Mun is well over the age of 21 so NSFW & Triggering topics will be here although they will be tagged.

Please do not use me as a meme or image source, I've had problems with that in the past.

If we have an issue I ask that you be respectful and speak to me about it in PMS or unfollow me if you're childish.

I use big gifs/icons, resized icons, gif icons, and gif hunts or nothing at all based on the convenience and how I'm feeling at the moment. ( Blacklist: CW: large image ).

If you need anything tagged let me know okay? I will always tag flashing images, gore, bugs, drugs, guns, etc.

Lastly, I have dyslexia and ADHD so if I miss a cue in the writing or my reply has some grammatical errors be nice! I'm sensitive, thank you lol.

Affiliated with @soughtbirthright, @theolderh3nderson, @pogueland1a, @hawkinssongbird & @deermooses.

Icon credits: @tutorgirlcommissions, find out exactly who it is on my ( credits page ), and please commission them! They're lovely.

You can find a WIP collection of my muses below the cut:

original

Briana Madison ( Werewolf OC )

Beatrice Lafoux ( Vampire OC )

James Barlowe ( Vampire OC )

Spencer McClaren ( Fandomless OC )

Claire St James ( Future OC )

Sylvie Nightbloom ( Human Fantasy OC )

Vanya Ulafiel ( Fantasy OC )

Ruth Rutledge ( Stranger Things OC )

Eight ( Stranger Things OC )

Cordelia Robinson ( Space Ranger OC )

Grace Scott ( One tree hill OC )

Miles Gardner ( Virgin river OC )

Seamus Graham ( Fandomless )

Diego Garcia ( Fandomless )

Jackson Harrington ( Stranger things OC )

Aniyah Stokes ( Outer Banks OC )

Charles Foreman ( Stranger Things OC )

Theodore Blight ( Fairy OC )

Annabelle Honeywell ( Human OC )

Mike Yeun ( Fandomless OC )

mythology

Persephone

Hercules

Freya

Thor

Hades

the witcher

Geralt Of Rivia

Princess Ciri

it series

Beverly Marsh

Eddie Kaspbrak

arcane

Echo

she-ra

Adora

Catra

marvel cinematic universe

Tony Stark

Peter B Parker ( OC )

Stephan Strange

Frank Castle

Jessica Jones

Peter Parker

Kate Bishop

Carol Danvers

dc cinematic universe

Bruce Wayne

Diana Prince

Barbara Gordon

Selina Kyle

Pamela Isley

Lena Luthor

Kara Danvers

disney

Maya Hart

Cassandra

Queen Elsa

Tinker Bell

Fawn

Miguel Rivera

Judy Hopps

Helen Parr

twilight

Bella Swan

Edward Cullen

Charlie Swan

Jacob Black

Emmett Cullen

Bree Tanner

uncharted

Nathan Drake

Nadine Ross

Cassie Drake

the last of us

Joel Miller

Dina Fonseca

Abby Anderson

Lev

Jesse

life is strange

Max Caulfield

Dana Ward

Chloe Price

Warren graham

Alex Chen

Sean Diaz

red dead redemption

Sadie Adler

Arthur Morgan

Mary-Beth Gaskill

Karen Jones

to all the boys

Peter Kavinsky

Lara Jean Covey

stranger things

Steve Harrington

Eleven Hopper

Will Byers

Jonathan Byers

Dustin Henderson

Max Mayfield

Robin Buckley

Eddie Munson

Eden Bingham

teen wolf

Stiles Stilinski

Derek Hale

supernatural

John Winchester

Dean Winchester

Meg Masters

Jo Harvelle

Lucifer

Lilith

the vampire diaries

Josie Saltzman

Elijah Mikaelson

Klaus Mikaelson

Hayley Marshall

Jackson Kenner

Landon Kirby

Lizzie Saltzman

the walking dead

Negan

Rick Grimes

Glenn Rhee

Beth Greene

scream

Stu Machar

Emma Duval

Tatum Riley

the office

Michael Scott

Jim Halpert

Kelly Kapoor

Pam Beesly

Brooklyn 99

Jake Peralta

Rosa Diaz

one tree hill

Peyton Sawyer

Nathan Scott

Haley James

Karen Roe

outer banks

Rafe Cameron

Sarah Cameron

JJ Maybank

Topper Thornton

the bear

Carmy Berzatto

virgin river

Jack Sheridan

Lizzie

high school musical

Troy Bolton

Rickey Bowen

Gabriella Montez

#( dossier. )#that new new

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sweetbuckybarnes · 2 years

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What if...?

Pairings: Lara Jean Song-Covey + Peter Kavinsky

Summary: What if, Peter had pursued Lara Jean after their first kiss? Peter's POV

I watched from afar (because apparently, that's where I belonged with Lara Jean) as the girl I like - possibly even love - was curled up in her older sister's arms, Lara Jean's shoulders shaking like mad.

I could even see Dr Covey with tears rolling down his cheeks, as he holds Lara Jean's little sister to his chest.

Something horrible has just shaken Lara Jean's world, all I want to do is make it better.

So, young 13-year-old Peter walked over to her and rested his hand on her back - hoping it would be a source of comfort.

That's when Lara Jean's older sister happened to look down at the 13-year-old and saw the heartbroken look on his face. She saw how attached Peter was to her little sister.

Lara Jean's older sister (who he'd later find out that her name was Margot) gently put Lara Jean's hand in his. "LJ, who's this?" She asks as Lara Jean turned around to look at me.

All Lara Jean did was sniffle, let out a mumble of my name and launched herself into my arms. I held her tightly, hoping that my comfort would help her out in some way.

"My mama's gone," she sobs, and when I look up to Dr Covey - wondering what LJ meant. He simply pointed to the sky.

Lara Jean's mama was watching over them from heaven...

It had been 2½ weeks since Lara Jean was curled up in my arms, seeking my comfort (well, she's bombarded me sometimes during the game on the playground - for a hug, and all I could do was wrap her up in a warm hug, hoping that it would help).

But, I know knew what it felt like to only have one parent from now on...

My 'dad' had left us, going off to marry someone whom mom said was 'half his age'.

This is the same time when Genevieve (Chris' cousin and Lara Jean's best friend) started getting too close for my liking - but if LJ was this close, I'd be very happy about it.

Lara Jean and I had been sat at one of the wooden picnic tables, playing tic-tac-toe with some paper and two pencils, when Genevieve walked into our small bubble, blocking the sunlight to where I couldn't see where I was placing my nought.

"Come on, Peter, let's leave her be," Genevieve said, grabbing ahold of my arm and started to pull me away.

The look on Lara Jean's face broke my heart. She was looking down at the wood, almost like she couldn't compete with Genevieve (when it was actually the other way around) and started to pick up the paper and pencils.

That's when I pulled my arm out of her hold and walked back to LJ's side. The girl of my dreams, looked at me with a raised questioning eyebrow, gently fiddling with the paper between her fingers.

"I'm perfectly happy here with Lara Jean, so sorry Gen," I simply say, taking a new piece of paper from Lara Jean and drew another board for another game of tic-tac-toe.

LJ's face brightened, whereas Genevieve's crumbled as she went red with (most likely anger and frustration). She looks to Lara Jean and looks her dead in the eye. "You can have him, he's not that brilliant anyway," and marches off.

That almost sets me into tears, as LJ walks around the picnic table, and sits at my side. "I think you're brilliant, Peter. You don't need to listen to her," she placed a kiss on my cheek - and even though I've properly kissed her some months ago, I do sort of miss it.

"Thanks, LJ," I smile at her and hugs her.

High School. The vein of every teenager's life. Something that I'd not been looking forward to, but with LJ - I knew I would do great.

I have been in love with Lara Jean since the beginning of 6th grade, I'd always noticed her. She was my dream girl (why am I saying was, I should be saying is, because she is my dream girl).

It's now two weeks in Freshman Year, and I've now know Lara Jean for 3 years - and I feel like it's time for me to admit how I feel.

"LJ? Can I talk to you?" I ask her, grabbing her hand before she walks into the cafeteria - where the new friends I'd made on the Lacrosse team are waiting.

I still remember how proud Lara Jean was of me when I made the team, the only game that we've played since I started - LJ had my jersey on (making most of the players think she was my girlfriend).

But it's time to make it official, I think...

"Yeah, of course, Peter," Lara Jean smiles up at me, and I take her away to the side, and away from prying eyes.

I take in a deep breath and let it out. "Lara Jean, for as long as I have known you, I've liked you. But it is only recently that I've realised that I love you," I say, looking at the ground most of the time but only to look at Lara Jean's face once.

"Really?" She asks, but I didn't look at her face as I nodded. "Peter. Look at me," I lift my face and look at her smiling face. "I like you, Peter Kavinsky," she reaches up and kisses me on my lips.

Lara Jean Song-Covey. My girl.

#to all the boys series #to all the boys fic #peter kavinsky #lara jean song covey #eve song #kitty song covey #margot song covey #gen (to all the boys)#chris (to all the boys)#alternative universe #what if... peter asked out lara jean instead

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piesafterdark · 19 hours

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Chapter 3 pt. 1 of my XO, Kitty fic From new york, with love.

“You can’t come in.”

Under the streetlamps, people wandered about, clinging to friends and filling the streets with chatter. Aromas spilled out from restaurants’ doors and windows and into the snow, causing Kitty’s stomach to gurgle. A few doors down, a large group of women hooted and hollered as they stumbled into a bar.

“What do you mean we can’t come in? I just saw a guy on the street walk over and you let him in,” Kitty countered.

Peter didn’t say anything, he knew her well enough to not interrupt.

“He knows part of the cast,” the bouncer stated. His shirt was stretched tight over his muscled chest but Kitty was not deterred.

“I know part of the cast—Lara-Jean Covey? She’s the assistant writer. We’re bringing refreshments.” Kitty pointed towards the cupholder in Peter’s hands.

“The cast and crew are provided refreshments.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. But–” Kitty paused, searching for the right words. After a moment she began again. “Listen, I know you have a job, and I understand that, but it's almost Christmas and I haven’t seen my sister in like a year, so if you could please just let me see her for a minute I’d really appreciate that.”

He was lucky that she didn’t barge in through those doors to see her sister. After so much had gone wrong, she deserved something to go right, to have some light at the end of this endless tunnel.

“I can’t let you in. They’re about to start filming.”

“At eight p.m?” she deadpanned.

“That’s fine, we can wait,” Peter interjected, “we’ll get out of your hair.”

The guy didn’t even have hair.

The windows on the restaurant’s red brick face were lined with Christmas lights, tinting the glass with swathes of green and red while a Christmas tree inside blocked her view with its festive shimmer.

Kitty sighed and allowed Peter to guide her away from the threshold. Just as she whipped out her phone to send Lara Jean a barrage of texts, the door opened with a jingle.

On instinct, her head swiveled, eager to find her opening. If she was quick, she could duck past the bouncer before he had the chance to react. She could worm herself in, sprint across the set and urge Lara Jean to come home before he inevitably caught her. At least she would have tried. She just hoped this escapade would end differently than last time’s, which almost landed her with a criminal record.

Kitty halted before she could even try to move, wondering why it was Min Ho pushing the door open.

He wore the same Gucci shirt he’d wore when they first met in the airport and held a hand by his head to protect his bangs from the wind. His skin glowed, dewier and clearer than ever, unhindered by stress or by her. She was pummeled—like an eighteen-wheeler slamming into her stomach—by just how much she missed mooching off of his skincare.

The snow crunched as he began to walk away, unbothered by her presence. Maybe he just didn’t see her? Or maybe it wasn’t Min Ho, just someone identical to him with a similar taste in fashion.

She wetted her suddenly chapped lips. “Min Ho?”

He stopped dead in his tracks. His head swiveled towards her and she was greeted with a confused, then shocked face.

“Kitty?”

It was him. She’d recognize that face anywhere.

With cheeks flushed from the cold and bangs finally free to wave in the wind, he almost looked alluring. Almost. In comparison—with the wind, her bad mood, and the jetlag—she probably looked like a rat who had just drowned in the sewer.

Her hands slid over her sweatpants, suddenly conscious of her outfit. The jacket she wore was thick and shapeless, stolen from Lara Jean’s closet years ago. The shirt underneath was from her school’s drama department and was wrinkled from sleeping on the plane.

He should’ve been in Los Angeles, sprawled on a mountain of gifts while preparing for another semester at KISS. Or traveling across Europe, tasting cheeses and staying in hotels she’d only seen in Instagram pictures. Or at some tropical locale, a girl on each arm, spending little more than a second trying to forget her.

“Do you two know each other?” the bouncer asked. His eyes flicked between them and his forehead creased with worry.

Min Ho answered “no” as she said “yes.” She glared at him. He glared back before realization flashed in his eyes and his gaze darted away.

A lifetime ago, he’d told her that he loved her, and the memory still hung between them. But he was Min Ho, who had dated Madison for the only reason anybody dated Madison: long legs. Min Ho, who had always been staunchly anti-Kitty, who only helped her out of obligation, who only talked to her to add fuel to their feud. He was Min Ho. He should’ve been over it by now.

“We have two guests at the front,” the Bouncer said into his walkie-talkie,“knows Dami’s kid. Says she knows a ‘Lauren Jean Covey.’”

“Lara-Jean,” Peter corrected.

Peter.

Kitty swung around to see Peter flashing the bouncer one of his best smiles. Out of the corner of his eye, he sent her a look that reeked of we’ll talk about this later and just wait until LJ hears about this.

“I’m sorry but I can’t let you in, they’re shooting,” the bouncer said, clipping his walkie-talkie onto his breast pocket. Where he had been brazenly uncaring, he now seemed apologetic. “They’ll be done in thirty.”

“Thirty?!” Kitty exclaimed, aghast, just as Peter replied with an “okay, we’ll be back by then.”

The purposeful raise of his eyebrows made her sigh in resignation and turn back to her company.

Min Ho stood awkwardly in the corner of her eye, glancing everywhere but her. He tried to arrange himself in a way that communicated confidence, yet he just looked like a block tower shifting under childish hands. Everytime he awkwardly crossed and uncrossed his arms, everytime he examined his nails instead of her, her stomach squeezed.

“Well,” Min Ho began, putting on an air of arrogance, “as fun as this little reunion has been. I have better places to be. Ta-ta, Kitty and friends.” With his final word, he made eye contact for a single, itchy moment.

“The shoot ends in thirty minutes, but you're leaving without your mom?” Kitty wondered aloud, slowing her speech. “That’s cold, Min Ho.” She scrunched her eyebrows together for effect.

“She’s a big girl, she can take care of herself.” He crossed his arms and leaned back, sending a rush up her spine. The familiarity was stifling.

Behind her, Kitty heard the crunch of snow and Genevieve’s voice.

“What’s taking so long? Who’s this guy?” Genevieve murmured in Peter’s ear. Ugh.

“A classmate, I think,” Peter responded.

An idea clicked into place.

“Listen, Min Ho, we’re both waiting for somebody and Peter”—she pointed to Peter— “knows a place with great cupcakes. All I’m saying is that we could wait together. We don’t even need to talk,” Kitty promised. She crossed her fingers in her heart.

Min Ho snorted.

Snow fell around them, glowing red, yellow, and green from the Christmas lights. Chatter continued to fill the streets as the aroma of dinner wafted out of neighboring restaurants. Min Ho’s cheeks remained pink from the blistering wind, his hair now tousled with a mysterious boyish quality.

Kitty’s heart pounded all around her: in the rhythm of the falling snow, in the cadence of a stranger’s speech, in the surety that the world would revolve around what to him was a slight, meaningless decision.

“Okay,” Min Ho finally said, still looking unsure.

“Great! Let’s go,” Kitty smiled, reveling in the lightness in her chest. The bouncer sighed in relief behind her.

Kitty just hoped that Peter actually knew a good bakery nearby.

#xo kitty #yuri han #minho #kitty song covey #fanfiction #writing fanfiction #min ho x kitty #give min ho a last name 2k24 #I'm just a girl #to all the boys i've loved before #lara jean covey #peter kavinsky #tatbilb

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silenceforetold · 9 months

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Is love a feeling or a choice?

Before I begin the actual intention of this post, I would like to disclose that To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before had hastily become my favorite series of movies ever since Netflix’s first debut of the first installation. That could perhaps in huge part to having a modern, racially conscious film with a mixed Asian woman as the lead character, but it also might be due to the fact that I find myself relating to Lara Jean Song Covey as a person. With that in mind, you can feel free to call me out on personal bias if you think I might be too affected by rose-tinted glasses.

I also would like to say that my post will likely predominantly talk about the most recent and final addition to the To All The Boys universe, To All The Boys: Always and Forever, because of the fact the plot felt far more personal to me. That could just be because it’s been 11 years since I graduated from high school (lets be honest, though, high school is never like in the movies or on television anyway) and the first two movies felt very high school while To All The Boys: Always and Forever felt much more mature and adult. It spoke to me at a level much deeper than the previous two.

All of that said, definitely expect massive spoilers. And, yes, I am currently reading through the books from which the movies are based on. I can happily tell you that I am on the second book with no intention of stopping, and that the books are as dear to me as the movies.

As you grow up and begin your exploration into the world of love, romance, and relationships, you always hear stories and watch media that tells you what love should look like. More often than not, our first encounters with love are when we are still adolescent and learn of Lancelot and Guinevere, Romeo and Juliet, and maidens who find their shining knight or handsome prince. We grow up influenced by Romance and fairytales, shaping our expectations on fantasy and magic. Not only this, but we have the concept of “the one” or “one true love” and “soulmates” ingrained into us as the pinnacle of a fulfilled life’s achievement.

But then you grow up and experience heartbreaks, and you realize that love is not like in fairytales or movies or on television. Love does not come as easy as breathing, and you do not find yourself having an instantaneous, almost soul-crushing love-at-first sight sequence.

Admittedly, the first two To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before movies did have that air of sappy, cliché romance that is to be expected of all love stories that revolve around two teenagers, but there is a significant shift in the third as the characters themselves tackle moving into adulthood.

Rest assured that I will not make you endure an entire synopsis of the whole film, but I will give you the points that are relevant to this entire post.

In this installment of the To All The Boys universe, we are blatantly shown that the leading male character, Peter Kavinsky, suffers from abandonment issues stemming from how his father left their family and divorced his mother. We are also shown that, after the divorce, Peter’s father was not present any longer, essentially divorcing the entire family rather than just his wife. In one scene, Peter confides in Lara Jean that he has a deep seeded desire (as a result of his father leaving) to be chosen by someone else. As Peter says himself, “there’s nothing worse than feeling not chosen.”.

You can probably already see where exactly this movie is going, especially when you keep in mind that both Peter and Lara Jean are nearing the end of their senior year in high school; meaning that college applications and themes of where your adult life will begin is at the forefront of the plot.

At the start of the movie, it is stated that the hope for both characters is to attend the same local university in which Peter has an athletic scholarship. That plan is disrupted, however, when Lara Jean is rejected and forced to consider different universities. Of her list, she has two universities about an hour drive from Peter’s university, but her elder sister Margot convinces Lara Jean to also apply to a university on the east coast. Lara Jean mentions this fact offhandedly, explaining she only humored the notion because her sister believed that everyone needed to apply to at least one university on the east coast for the sake of diversity and experience.

During a class trip to New York City, Lara Jean visits and falls in love with the campus of New York University thus making her hopeful of the prospect of attending while simultaneously wondering if their relationship could be maintained if she made that decision. Lara Jean is allowed to push the idea from her mind so long as her application is still under review, allowing her to slip into a stage of denial that subsequently allows her to maintain her avoidance of communicating with Peter about the possibility.

Ultimately, and to no surprise, she is accepted into New York University and forced to finally talk to Peter about the future that she wants. Peter, who had been hoping that Lara Jean would choose another more local college and eventually transfer into the same college as him, immediately slips into his struggle with abandonment and accuses Lara Jean of choosing to leave him rather than choosing to put him and the future of their relationship first. As he claims, “you chose to be as far away from me as possible. You chose distance” and refers to her dismissal of another local college as evidence for not choosing him.

Lara Jean and Peter find themselves faced with a few questions, but the most imperative being:

Is love above all obstacles a feeling or an active choice?

On my own experiences with love, I came to the conclusion that real love is 10% the romanticism that is promised in popular media, 40% compatibility with one another, and 50% an active choice to love and stick with a person even when perhaps it would be easier or more convenient to be emotionally detached.

A relationship is always doomed to fail even if love abounds if neither party chooses one another time and time again, just like a relationship will not be healthy or fulfilling if both parties choose one another but lack compatibility or feelings.

As I sit here writing and contemplating, I beg the question: if someone is unwilling to choose you, then do they even love you at all? Yes, perhaps in some way, but not in the way of true love. After all, different types of love exist and a person can love many people, but that does not mean they enter a committed, long-term romantic relationship with everyone that they love.

The act of choosing is not always physical, however, as what Peter believed in his expectation for Lara Jean to prioritize attending the same college as him. In fact, one could argue that Peter was actually being selfish and choosing himself over Lara Jean.

My point could perhaps be best driven by quoting Lara Jean’s father: “you can’t save [a] relationship by not growing”.

This particular quote actually brought back to me the memory of a man’s story that I once had the pleasure of reading (unfortunately, I cannot recall where, but I believe it a forum of some sort). He spoke of his relationship with his wife and how she was ever-changing into a new woman, and how he had to choose to fall in love with the new her every single time rather than reject her. People change and the only thing that never changes is the fact that things change, and so we must all choose to adapt with that change or be left behind in it’s wake.

No one is immune to growth and attempting to avoid it is always to your detriment. The attempt to not change could actually bring about the doom that you fear most and try your hardest to avoid. Not only that, but it is a disservice to both your partner and yourself to stunt yourself from growth simply because you fear that your growth may also come with growing apart. That is, of course, a very real possibility, but so is the possibility of you growing together.

You must make the active choice to stay with one another and see which direction that growth will take you, which requires understanding yourself and honest communication. You must actively choose to make the hard decision of staying together through the unknown and allowing a positive possibility. You must continue choosing one another until a moment comes that you definitively do not want to choose one another any longer.

The film ends with Lara Jean narrating with a montage of she and Peter moving to their respective colleges, stating that:

“Life is beautiful and messy and never goes according to plan. And the truth is, I have no idea what it has in store for me. But I do know that love, real love, is choosing each other through all of it, every single day. Beginning and middle and end.”

If that is what Lara Jean and the original author of the To All The Boys novels trilogy, Jenny Han, believes… I would very much like to believe that too.

#author's note #substack saw it first #to all the boys i've loved before #to all the boys trilogy #to all the boys series #to all the boys netflix #netflix #netflix movie #jenny han #pop culture analysis #love #relationships #philosophy #op ed #opinion post #writeblr

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chenfordspiral · 10 months

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Well I’m glad you liked that question now I put aside tv show couple what are you favorite top four movie couples mine are 1 country strong beau and chiles 2 another Cinderella story Mary and Joey 3 To All the Boys: P.S. I Still Love You Lara Jean and Peter and 4 mamma Mia sky and Sophie

I might have to "disappoint" with this one a little. Because I don’t really watch a lot of movies. I genuinely can’t even remember the last one I saw.

And when I do watch movies, I don’t get sucked into them the way I do with TV shows. For some reason, I don’t fall in love with ships the same. I don’t know why.

The only couple that comes to mind right now off the top of my head is one from a German trilogy that was in theaters in 2013, 2015 and 2017, or something like that. But part three kind of ruined it all for me, so I get sad when I think about it. It’s called “Fack ju Göhte.”

I can only think of a handful of other movies right now where I might be able to say I ship a couple. Interestingly enough, I can tell you which actors portray the characters, but I cannot for the life of me remember the titles of the movies 🤷🏼‍♀️ my brain is weird sometimes. I can tell you that it's mostly romcoms, though.

I’m sure I’d find more movies where I like a couple if I thought about this more, maybe even one where I’d then ask myself how in the world I could forget that one. But my mind’s not coming up with anything other than this right now.

And to be honest? Some of my favorite movies don’t even have a ship that I can fall in love with, because they're not about romance. I think I might even like those better..

That being said, I think I've seen three of the four movies you mentioned, and I can say that I do like those couples, at least as far as I can remember. It's been a while since I saw them. A long while, actually. So I can only partially judge right now..

Anyway. I hope my answer is not too disappointing since it might not be exactly what you had in mind, given my previous answer about TV couples.

Thanks for asking!

#anon ask #answered #fav movie couples #i honestly don't know

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tim-shii · 1 year

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a/n: timmy at it again with her swiftie bf sae agenda ! this was so fun to write omg tbh idk where this came from but it came to me at 2am so that should say a lot ... this is once again a vv self indulgent piece 😭

"sae, i made a playlist they'll play when they make a movie adaptation about our relationship. do you wanna know what songs are in it?"

"sure. even if i say no, you'll still tell me." sae huffed, sitting with his back on the couch as he loosely wraps an arm around your shoulders, making you lean on him.

"okay, for our first meeting. our meet cute. it's gotta be 'i like me better' by lauv. it's cute, gives off lara jean and peter kavinsky vibes. power couple just like you and i." sae hums along to you, finding your reasoning to be odd but whatever.

"next, our first date. wanna guess the song?" you looked up at him and for the first time in two hours (who are we even kidding? you're both dramatic) sae looks you in the eyes. "i don't know, you tell me."

"two songs from beabadobee, 'glue song' or 'if you want to'. again, cute songs. would totally fit us." you use hand gestures a lot when you talk, sae thinks and he deems that an adorable trait you have. but he will never admit that to you. never. he twirls a strand of your hair on his finger, looping the threads in a circular motion. "how about a song they'll play when we have our first kiss?"

"i got one. 'lovers rock' by tv girl. our first kiss won't be just a kiss, you know. it'll be a full on make out scene. you, me, in a party, sneaking out to a bathroom just to make out." astonishment is visible on sae's face, features also hinting disbelief and amusement. as far as sae can remember, your first kiss was nothing like that. it was an awkward experience. cute, but awkward. at sixteen years old, sae kissed you under a streetlight as he walked you home after a date. it would've been a romantic scene if only the lamp hadn't decided to flicker on and off before completely shutting off, leaving you and sae standing in the dark. with that being said, sae definitely agrees to you fabricating the first kiss.

he leans towards your phone, peeking into your notes. "other songs?"

"yeah, basically these are songs that make the cut even if they don't have a specific scene." you adjust your hold on the phone so both of you can see it without any difficulty. "look. we got 'hey lover' by the daughters of eve, 'lover' by taylor swift, 'without you' by lana del rey, which by the way you suit very well. i think of you everytime i hear it." sae lets a slight grin play on his face as he pictures you thinking of him just because of a song.

"continuing on, there's 'the only exception' by paramore, 'late night talking' by harry styles, 'sweet nothing' by taylor swift, 'little things' by one direction, ooh! a classic! 'take on me' by a-ha, 'enchanted' by taylor swift again, 'watch you sleep' by girl in red because you know, i feel overwhelmed with joy knowing that you exist." sae could feel himself fall in love with you all over again. how is it that your words always get to him no matter what. your words linger in his head like lullabies that gets passed down from generations to generations. sae swears he's ready to pop the question right there and then when—

"oh last song, 'all too well, ten minutes version, taylor's version' by none other than taylor swift. how's that for a bomb movie soundtrack album, am i right?" you smiled at him, eyes twinkling with expectations for his opinion. meanwhile sae's lost in thought. did you really just say 'all too well'? and the ten minutes version, too? he must be dreaming, right?

sae stares at you, unmoving and expression serious. "did i do you anything wrong? or did i forgot an important event?"

you blink confusedly at him. did he hit his head?

"no. did you?"

"i'm asking you."

"forget it! just tell me what you think of the playlist?" you turned in his hold, dropping your phone to the side to circle your arms around his waist. sae's twirling with your hair again, only this time, he takes up small sections and braids them. "i like it. it's really cute. i like the part where we make out to 'lovers rock'. gotta be my favorite."

you beamed at his answer, immediately going off on a tangent about why you chose those songs. midway, sae cuts you off.

"hey, why'd you add 'all too well'? isn't that a sad song?"

"it's for dramatic effects! a movie would be too boring if there's too much cuteness." at your response, sae unknowingly releases a sigh of relief. inside, he knows he's done for the moment you start to relate him to 'all too well'.

"come on, sweets."

"where are we going?"

"we're gonna rehearse the first kiss scene."

likes & reblogs are appreciated! masterlist

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disorientedblog-archive · 5 years

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Being and Seeing: Biracial Identity and Media Representation

by Maddie Hawk / photo: the author

It wasn’t until I was in middle school, about 14 years old, that I saw a representation of myself on the TV screen. It was Olivia Munn, then co-host of Attack of the Show! on G4, a show largely directed toward young men with interests in technology and gaming. It was obvious I wasn’t the ideal, intended audience. I wasn’t wholly interested in the content of the series or the reviews of games and digital media (although digital media would become a huge part of my life later on). But I watched the show (fairly) religiously, on my couch after school, glued to the screen. It was the first time I had ever seen a half-Asian woman on television.

Biracial-ness became something of an obsession for me. I followed Munn’s career closely, watching nearly every TV show and movie she appeared in. Her biracial status was almost never mentioned. Jennifer Beals’ Bette Porter, in Showtime’s cult favorite The L Word, was onscreen and offscreen biracial. I was a junior in college when I saw The L Word for the first time, and it was a relief to me. Finally, an acknowledgement of a character of biracial origins.

But this was rare. Surprisingly, even today it’s hard to find a representation of myself on screen. Lara Jean, in the book, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before is a half-Korean character. I awaited the adaptation in eager anticipation to see someone finally mimicking my very exact identity. She was played by Lana Condor, a Vietnamese-American actress. Thrilled for the Asian representation so rarely portrayed on an American screen, I still couldn’t help feeling cheated. Growing up never quite Korean enough, never quite American enough, never one or the other, it stung when the representation signaled itself to me a choice already made: half-Korean could be played by full Asian. I wanted this not to be a big deal to me; I didn’t want a simple Netflix movie to weigh on me so much. An Asian American actress was projected into the limelight through this and I was ecstatic. But this excitement over one representation was tinged with disappointment and bitterness over another representation denied. It weighs on someone who lived their entire life never being full, seeing a representation of herself something that has never been obtainable. Something whole.

Where was I in the shows I watched? Where was my story?

It seems odd that something so personal would propel me into a world of academia, seemingly impersonal. Academia is one of the view places you rarely see an “I” statement invoked, a place of purely looking at things analytically. And so little of my obsessions of seeing myself on screen remain in my work today. But the seeds of this obsession with seeing myself painted on screen stem from a singular root: representation matters.

I realized it in retrospect; all my research had to do with the representation of some identity. Though I don’t know exactly when I realized that representation matters, I often think back to writing my personal statement for my MA program. I used an anecdote of Joel Cairo in The Maltese Falcon, where Peter Lorre’s character was coded as homosexual through the way he held his cane, his gloves, his scarf, his very “Other”-ness (the fact that he wasn’t white). I think back to this moment, mostly because it was a (stereotypical) representation of sexuality used to reinforce negative depictions of “Other”-ness. It all intersected in this one portrayal: Joel Cairo was not white, he wasn’t heterosexual; he was the perfect antithesis to Humphrey Bogart and therefore the perfect portrayal of a villain. The slow process of obsession over representation was gradual. Something that focused my entire concentration when I was younger developed into a passion of representation on screen, extending itself to issues of everything that has touched my life. Little seeds of myself I see in every paper I write, in every thesis I make.

I’ve recently finalized my tagline for when people ask me my research interests:: I study trauma and memory formation in contemporary Korean media. If they show interest, I might pepper in: more broadly, anime studies, fan studies, queer theory, gender theory, postcolonialism . I don’t study classical Hollywood cinema. I avoid writing about American TV shows if I can help it. The elusive concept of world cinema is where I find home and comfort; it’s what I turned to when I couldn’t quite capture a definition of my own identity.

Most of my research in graduate school focuses on two broad topics: Korean media and anime. Korean media is simple and easily explained: I’m Korean, I lived in Korea, I am the product of Korean diaspora, it’s a natural fit. Anime studies is a little more perplexing. I don’t speak Japanese, I’ve visited but never lived in Japan, my familiarity with Japanese history lies in its colonization of Korea (a very biased familiarity). But anime drew me in as a child like a misty forest full of open possibilities. Anime has always been a medium of potentiality, where anything can happen. It transcends space, able to permeate onto global screens because of its easy dubbing nature (don’t argue this to a purist though). It’s precise and nuanced in its design. And it’s an excellent pool of research on transgression: it reflects what society is too afraid to confront. We can find sexual fluidity and moral ambiguity in anime in ways not shown elsewhere. At its heart, I’m a fan. I enjoy watching anime, and it’s an added bonus to research something you enjoy.

I find little bits of myself, my interests, my identity in my research. I’m excited when people ask me specifically what I study. More importantly, I choose every day to specialize in them because they are more than a broad interest, they present the potential to see stories about myself I never had before. I study film not because it’s fun, not because it’s entertaining, not because it’s easy (I’m looking at you—every person in college that told me they liked movies but didn’t study them in their condescending way). I study film and media because it informs a culture. A society. A global world. Someday a universe. But for now, at its most basic, I study film because my stories are out there too, just waiting to be resolved.

Maddie Hawk is a graduate student studying Cinema and Media Studies at the University of Southern California. Her research interests include postcolonial traces of memory and trauma in contemporary Korean media, as well as anime studies, queer theory, gender theory, and fan studies. Previously, she was a Fulbright ETA from 2016-2018 in Gimhae, South Korea. She is also a big fan of Korean music and is the co-host of podcast, U Should Stan.

#South Korea #United States

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safestorms · 2 years

Text

of adaptation, evolution and marshmallows - T - to all the boys I’ve loved before - Peter/Lara Jean

(repost of an old peter/Lara jean fic I wrote a few years ago & deleted. Please do not reblog)

Summary:

As Peter and Lara Jean begin college, they figure out what adaptation and evolution means; that change doesn't always mean ending.

It turns out that you can’t freeze time like Peter wanted.

Notes:

This is a continuation of the movie so it doesn't take into account the events of the second and third book. But this fic draws upon themes that are in the books as well as Lara Jean's book characterization. She's still movie!Lara Jean but with some of book!Lara Jean. I love them both with my whole heart. Unbeta'ed so all mistakes are mine.

~~~~~~

The summer before they begin college, Lara Jean and Peter make a new contract.

“Number one: let’s write each other letters, Peter.”

“Why? You know you can call me anytime, Covey.”

“Because it’ll be romantic,” she says, wildly gesturing with her hands and he’s looking at her all fond so she knows she’s probably doing one of those things with her face that he thinks is cute. She’s learned to use it to great effect sometimes like when she wants the last donut.

God, she’s going to miss waking up early at the crack of dawn on Monday mornings to get the donut special at the Corner Cafe just before the school week begins. It’d been their thing during senior year. When she’d been stressed out with college admissions, she’d always had their Monday donut time to anchor her, the toasty warmness of the cafe enveloping her like a blanket. It’s funny the rituals you come to have with someone just by doing things with them week after week until it becomes a pattern you’re set in, a habit as natural as breathing.

Now when she smells cinnamon, she’ll always think of the cinnamon donuts Peter’d used to order, the way he’d laughed at how she’d get icing on her face and he’d wiped it off with his finger, licking it clean after, like an indirect kiss, he’d say. Lara Jean’ll ask him for a real one outside later when they’re snuggled in his car, the early morning light leaking over the sky, tingeing it that pale shade of pink like spun sugar and cotton candy floss shading into a brilliant robin’s egg blue. She’ll always remember that Lara Jean fondly, her high school self on the cusp of adulthood, flush with youthfulness and that last bit of teenage girl innocence. Peter had tasted like cinnamon and sugar, promise and possibility all at once.

“Okay,” he relents because he always melts around her and it makes her feel powerful that she can do this to him without even trying.

“Just like when we began.” She doesn’t say because it’ll be familiar and she’ll need every bit of home she can get while she’s away from her family.

He stares at her intently. “I wish we could freeze time. Right here.”

“Number two,” she whispers. “Let’s always promise to be real.”

Peter’s college is a two hour drive away - not insurmountable but still not near. Lara Jean should be glad that her boyfriend isn’t all the way across the country like other girls she knows. But then she doesn’t want to become that girl; the girl who’s always waiting for her boyfriend, that Asian girl who’s defined by her white man. Or that girl who’s too naive to realize that high school relationships don’t survive college and miles of road.

“Let’s add this to the contract,” Lara Jean says the first week of college. “Number seven: Peter will drive down to see Lara Jean every weekend and if he can’t make it he will let her know in advance.”

The thing about long distance she comes to find is that sometimes, in the moments in between, it’s hard to feel like they are real. She misses him like a physical ache and this is another loss to add to her pile.

But then Peter drives up to see her on the weekend and they snuggle up in her dorm bed, her nose buried in his neck and he’s as real as anything, all solid muscle mass and teenage-boy-almost-man-ness. And this between them feels real. Is the real deal. Real love. The way Peter sees the real her and the way he lets her see the real him. He says, “You always smell so good, Lara Jean. You smell like marshmallows. Why do you smell like marshmallows?”

“What?” she laughs. “You say the most ridiculous things sometimes, Peter.”

“ Are there marshmallows here?”

“No. I think you must just be craving them. Should I be jealous?”

He scoffs. “Of marshmallows? You’re sweeter than any marshmallow, Covey.”

“I haven’t had a marshmallow in ages...I don’t think...The last time I ate one was when my dad tried to get us to go camping with him. But I was nine and I held it over the fire for too long and it got so burned it tasted like ashes in my mouth.”

“Woah woah woah. You haven’t had a marshmallow recently, Covey?” he asks, tickling her. “Now this, this is a crisis. Let me introduce you to the wonders of the marshmallow.” He stops, his expression going serious and she brings the tip of her nose to his, both of them breathing each other in and here here in the stillness of her room, under the covers with Peter she imagines that this is what it’s like to be safe and warm, something like marshmallow softness.

Peter insists on bringing her on a hunt for marshmallows later. She eats one and wonders out loud to him how she’d gone so long without eating marshmallows. Peter ducks his head, pleased. He's always so delighted to please her and it makes her feel warm all over because she doesn’t need marshmallows when she can have him, Peter Kavinsky, her marshmallow boy who makes her feel like there’s always sweetness to be found in life even though, despite the bitter things. Like she'll never have to taste ashes in her mouth again.

“Number eleven,” she murmurs as he presses kisses all over her face, the tip of her nose, her cheeks, her eyelids. “Let’s always be sweet to each other Peter. Let’s always remind each other of the good things even when things are hard.” Even when I don’t get to see you , she thinks.

It turns out that you can’t freeze time like Peter wanted. Time moves on and things change. Both Peter and her know that innately, had felt it in their bones growing up. Loss has marked them both; her with her mom and Peter with his dad. Maybe it’s because they’ve known loss so intimately, that they keep reaching for each other over and over again, transmuting change into evolution, adapting instead of saying goodbye.

They don’t end but instead in college, their relationship shifts, evolves. Metamorphosizes. Not all change means endings. Lara Jean says goodbye to high school them but that doesn’t mean that College PeterandLaraJean can’t be stronger and better.

During Christmas break, they both go back home and on Monday morning, Lara Jean wakes Peter up bright and early for their Monday donut ritual.

The Corner Cafe feels as toasty warm as it always has but this time it feels different, she feels different.

“What’s wrong?” Peter asks when he notices her fiddling with her packets of sugar.

“Nothing,” she says, tucking her hair behind her ear. She goes to tie it up into a ponytail but then she remembers; she’d gotten it cut the last day of class and it’s not long enough now.

“You’re doing that thing,” he says softly. “With your hair when you’re not feeling okay.”

“It’s just,” she says, taking a sip of her drink. “It feels different. Everything’s changed. Well not everything . You know. Kitty’s got a boyfriend now, can you believe? I caught her trying to sneak him into her room!”

“We haven’t changed. We’re still here,” he points out.

“Haven’t we?”

“Okay. Yes. We’re a bit different. But we’re not brand new. It’s still you and me, Covey.”

The way he’s smiling at her like she’s brighter than the sun makes her melt all over. “Yeah?” she asks, scrunching her nose up.

“Yeah,” he says, “you gonna break my heart Covey?” And his smile is no longer that of the most popular boy in school, Peter Kavinsky, but a Peter who’s a man now. But it’s still her Peter echoing what teenage him had said to her on a lacrosse field bathed in sunlight as she’d flung her arms around him and along with them her whole heart. And it’s just for her, all for her.

“So,” he continues. “How’d your story go for your writing class?”

Lara Jean breaks out into her own smile at this. “I’d never thought of being a writer before, Peter. I’d never imagined before college that me, Lara Jean, would be reading my writing out loud in front of other people for them to critique. Margot always used to say that the romance novels I read gave me unrealistic expectations. That they just put fantasies in my head. But I really believe that romance novels can make the world a better place. People need them, Peter. Because we all need to believe that we deserve happy endings.”

“What I’d do to have such a talented girlfriend? Leave some talent for the little people like me, Covey.”

Later outside in the parking lot, Lara Jean kisses him in his car, slow and sweet as he cradles her face with his hand. Kissing Peter here at the Corner Cafe with the ghost of high school them lingering doesn’t feel like a mourning or an elegy to their past selves. Still, after all this time, kissing Peter feels like the world opening up at her feet, the green of a lacrosse field spreading out beneath them endlessly.

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