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jaemified · 5 months

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last christmas | part 2

“this year, to save me from tears ; ill give it to someone special.”

❆ pairing ; strangers to ?? park gunwook x fem reader

❆ genre ; fluff, slight drama +(ft taesan/jaehyun of bnd and yunjin of lsrfm ^^)

❆ warnings ; swearing, and kinda toxic relationships

❆ wordcount ; 2.4k

❆ synopsis ; beginning your second year of college and you feel youve hit rock bottom. on your own after your ex kicked you out, and taking on a seasonal job at a christmas shop to pay off student loans? everythings gone to shit. but then, you see him for the first time. and you realize there really was a little light in the darkness — your someone special.

♡ kona speaks ! - vaguely follows the plot of the film last christmas (2 part story)

read below the cut !

you cant say you were all to proud of yourself now.

sure, you were a pretty incredible student by high school graduation, with a 3.9 gpa and all (not to mention making it to seoul national university with your beloved boyfriend).

but, that was a year ago.

who wouldve thought it was possible for your life to go so far downhill, in just a span of roughly over 12 months?

your parents had found a better job opportunity in london, but your mom wanted you and your brother to be nearby.

meaning doing so without running it by you of course, which led to her enrolling you into imperial college as a foreign transfer student.

your boyfriend was pretty upset, but nevertheless, followed you despite your best efforts telling him not to (which meant him forfeiting his scholarship at snu).

once your family first heard he would follow suit to london, they gave you an ultimatum. and stupidly, you chose love over family.

they never approved of him anyway.

it was fine for the meanwhile.

at least until you broke up, and he decided to place the blame on you.

it was your flat you bought with your own money anyway. what did he ever do for you? how dare he kick you out of your own home!

you watched while gyuvin pulled your luggage out the closet, pushing it towards you.

“what the hell are you doing!” you exclaimed as he began to pull your clothes off hangers and throw them towards your direction.

“helping you leave.” he muttered.

“what did i even do? you just wake up one day and decide its my fault you followed me to another continent despite me saying you shouldnt? i told you not to leave your dreams behind, and you chose to ignore me!”

“well maybe you didnt try hard enough! i just know that i dont feel the same about you now as i did then.”

“so thats it?” you scoffed. “you realize this is my apartment? i pay the rent. you just practically live here for free. you cant just kick me out of my own home!”

he only ignored you and shoved piles upon piles of clothing into 2 separate suitcases, before gently escorting you to the door.

“gyuvin. gyuv! kim gyuvin! you cant just leave me here!” you begged.

“im sorry y/n. but its over. maybe if you hadnt taken all that mattered to me we couldve worked out.” gyuvin spoke before slowly closing the door, leaving you out in the cold wearing only pajamas.

“what the fuck am i supposed to do now..” you whispered to yourself, thinking of the only possible places to go.

sure your number of options was minimal, but you began with the only person you thought you could count on anyway.

“what the hell are you doing here?” taesan expressed in shock while he stared at you standing at his front door.

“need somewhere to crash.. surprise?” you shrugged jokingly, trying to lighten the mood as you and your brother werent on the brightest terms.

“goodbye y/n.” he sighed as he turned to lock you out.

“han taesan you let me in this instant! you cant just leave me to die in the middle winter!” you exclaimed, stepping through the door frame so it couldnt close.

“wheres gyuvin?” he scoffed. “i mean, youre the one who left me with mom and dad to buy a house for him anyway.”

“we broke up. blamed me and said i was the reason he lost everything in seoul or whatever. and he still kicked me out of MY home.”

taesan let out a heavy breath, looking around before pushing the door out more for you to walk through.

“..you mean it?” you pondered hesitantly.

“i suppose. i know we warned you about him and all, but youre still my baby sister.” he half heartedly grinned, pointing his head in the direction of his hallway as a gesture for you to come in.

you knew he was still mad at you despite not showing it, but knowing your brother, hes still someone who you could rely on in any situation.

“yeah. and uh- just a heads up, i still live with jaehyun and leehan, plus we dont have an extra room so.. we’ll just figure it out later.”

“thank you.”

a week later and you were doing better than before. though it wasnt easy to forget the incident, you still managed with the new living situation and all.

you woke up bright and early the following morning for work, ready to sell christmas ornaments for the rest of your life under your boss, huh yunjin, as you were now on break from school.

considering jaehyuns bed wasnt all too comfortable, you still slept pretty well. youre grateful he took the couch for you during that first week. ‘maybe ill get him something as a thank you.’

“what are you doing up so early?” taesan asked, holding off on the toast he was about to eat as he watched you rush downstairs.

“got work. not like dads willing to pay student loans anymore right?”

“the christmas shop, still?” jaehyun asked from his seat on the couch.”

“cant have a full time job as a full time student. it just worked out while im on christmas break.”

your brother nudged you in your stomach, motioning for you to thank his friend for his deed.

“-oh and thanks for taking the couch. i owe you. if you want food or anything ill cover the cost and pick it up in return.” you continued.

“its fine. i get it, the last few days were rough. dont worry about it.” he smiled.

after a quick 10ish (or so) minute walk to the street side store you worked at, you realized you were about 5 minutes past the time you were meant to clock in for your shift.

walking into the store, it was no surprise it was already crowded by 8:36am seeing as christmas was 2 weeks away now.

“y/n! y/n get over here! where is your uniform?” yunjin questioned as more of a whisper yell.

before you got the chance to reply, she quickly cut you off and said, “nevermind that. just please hurry to change and come help me with all these people!”

you wave off her dismissive behavior, and speed walk to the bathroom, making sure to pass the lockers to grab your uniform on the way.

“i forgot how itchy this was..” you grumble as you slip on the ugly elf costume yet again before leaving to the front desk.

“welcome in! please let us know if theres anything you need help with!” yunjin smiled as another person walks through the door, putting on her customer service voice.

“guess you dont need me anymore?” you asked jokingly, noticing there was no one within a 10 foot distance of the check out line.

“why must you take so long to change? i only had enough time to help half those people. the other half left after mr smith came in to return all the ornaments he broke again. he really knows how to hold up a line.” she sighed, moving in the direction of a huge box of broken material.

“you cant keep letting them return damaged product. we are losing enough money as is, santa.” you gestured to her new character change yet again as you realize where a good chunk of the budget went. “what was wrong with the reindeer costume?”

“it didnt make it clear that im the owner. the shop is called santas workshop dont you know? cant call it santas workshop if theres no santa.”

you laughed brightly at yunjin while she picked up the box to bring it to the back, just as another person walked in.

“welcome in!-” you call out, before cutting yourself off as you caught a glimpse of his face.

he was pretty gorgeous, you couldnt lie. from what you noticed, he had shortish black hair and big eyes to compliment his soft lips (not to mention his build was pretty insane too. he definitely works out).

the very same guy who caught your attention came to you shortly after, seeking some assistance on picking a gift, so you were happy to comply.

“im not sure what she’d like. its hard shopping for a 14 year old.” he said.

“what’s your relation to her? just like so i know how close you are so its easier to help.”

“my younger cousin. we arent that close, but its our first family gathering in a while and my mom wants me to get something for everyone. but shes always been.. far from an open book. so im lost”

you thought long and hard about what your cousins around that age like, before coming to a final decision.

you attempt to reach for the legos, but you almost fall over as it was just barely out of reach, sitting on one of the higher shelves.

carefully, he steadies you by holding your arm and reaches to grab the item you were aiming at.

“this?” the guy questions as he hands you the orchid lego set.

“yeah! im not sure if it suites her or anything but you cant go wrong with legos. the price isnt too bad and its suitable for anyone at any age for the most part.” you shrugged.

“that actually.. makes perfect sense. youre really good at your job, no? thank you.”

“no worries. if theres anything else i could help you with, weve got a new selection of stuffed animals your girlfriend might like.” you spoke like it was nothing, acting as if you werent just trying to get information.

“i actually.. dont..i don’t have a girlfriend.” he chuckled awkwardly as he brought up a hand to rub the back of his neck.

“oh really? im surprised someone like you doesnt have a pretty girl on your arm.” you said nonchalantly while you attempted to hide your smile (as if you were going to make a move).

“oh stop!” he waved off when you pointed out how red his ears were getting, assuming you only were trying to boast his ego (hes so unaware)((please get the hint)).

you walk back with him to the register so he could pay after realizing there wasnt much more he needed. “that’ll be 45 charged to your card.” you smiled.

“thank you, ms..?” trailing off as he notices he never actually got your name.

“han. y/n han. glad to be of assistance.”

“oh and- one more thing?”

“sure, what else?”

“what time does the store close?”

“10 at night. extended business hours every saturday.”

“surely youre joking? theres no one else here but you and the owner! thats in like 13 hours. youre working a 14 hour shift?”

“yeah but i get paid way extra so its fine, i really do need it. and yeah we are beyond understaffed but its alright.” you laugh, masking your exhaustion and dread with a bit of your lighthearted energy.

“really? i could never, must be so tiring.”

“it is, beyond imagination. but we do what we can.”

“get home safely then alright? its scary leaving that late especially considering the predators go after pretty ladies.”

“youre a tricky one arent you! how dare you mask that as an attempt to flirt.” you gasp playfully, “ill be fine, its not that far of a walk.”

“walk? youre not really walking home are you?” “well yeah, its not like i can drive when i dont have a car myself.”

“by any chance, might you need-”

“y/n! leave the poor man alone! i need you to stock the shelves in the ornaments section!” yunjin calls out from the storage room and interrupting the conversation.

“ill get to it.” you call back.

“well, i should get going then. it really was lovely meeting you.” he smiles.

“thank you, take care!” you reply, waving as he leaves.

it only hit you many hours later (quite literally an hour before you clock out) that you never got his name, and you regret it oh so much!

even yunjin felt pity for you, multitasking and listening to you ramble about the mysterious man despite all the work she had going on whilst you both sat in her office seeing as there were no customers beyond 9:30pm.

“why cant we close early if theres no one coming past a certain time? its not like anyone needs to be christmas shopping at.. 9:49 at night.”

“its just in case theres anyone who needs something, we cant miss a chance to make more money when we’re low on rent money.” she reminded.

“its only 11 minutes though.”

“and where do you have to be in 11 minutes? you live with your brother and his two roommates with no boyfriend and instead worry about a man you just met.”

“ouch, you need to go out more.”

“y/n you know i love you but i have no time for that nonsense. i need to have fun, yes, but money is essential. clubbing and drinking does not get you there, we both know that.”

finally, the dreaded 11 minutes were up and it was time to lock up after a crazy long shift. though, you cant say you were looking forward to walking home after standing in heels all day.

it was all most as if your prayers were answered (or just by a really strange coincidence(?)) that someone on a motorcycle stopped in front of you as you crossing the street.

“heard you needed a ride?” the guy from earlier said as he took off his helmet.

“what are you doing here? its late out.” you replied, acting calm as if your heart wasn’t beating out of your chest.

“cant leave you to walk alone in the dark, can i, pretty lady?”

“youre smart, ill give you that.” you smile when you feel your cheeks go hot.

“ill take you home. come on.”

maybe it wasnt the best idea to give a stranger your address, but he seemed nice enough, and pretty trustworthy to say the least.

you sat behind him as he drove through the streets, with your arms wrapped around his waist, your chest flush against his back as you wore the helmet he let you borrow.

he was so naturally warm you felt his body heat through the sweater he wore, thankfully keeping you from being to cold.

soon enough you were home, and he was walking you up to the front door.

“thank you for today even if it wasnt all that much, i had a lot of fun. you made my work day more.. bearable.” you smiled.

“of course, you can always call if you need a ride or anything. dont want you getting sick when its storm season.” he reminded before slipping you a postcard with his number on it.

“id love to get to know you more, but i just broke up with my boyfriend last week.. give me some time?”

sure you technically were the one who found him attractive first but, you never actually thought about initiating something more.

he smiled without a second thought, nodding his head slightly. “of course, i understand. just know ill be here, waiting.”

“wait! i never got your name?”

“ill see you later y/n!” he called out as he left, driving off in the opposite direction.

you sighed and unlocked the door with the spare key leehan gave you, and notice him sitting next to jaehyun when you walked in.

“you have a boyfriend and you didnt tell me? how could you! i thought we were friends.” leehan expressed dramatically from the couch as you took off your shoes at the door.

“not a boyfriend, just a friend. why were you even- whatever. wheres taesan?”

“in the bathroom.”

“thanks. uh- jaehyun is it okay if i change in your room since i left my clothes there?”

“go ahead.” he reassured. “oh! also, by the time you come back the pizza we ordered should be here too.”

you close the door behind you and pull out the index card from earlier to save the number as a contact. however, you couldnt help but smile as you read what it said below.

“your personal uber when you need it! +44 28xxx0xx29 -xoxo gunwook park :)”

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pray4saint · 11 months

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Hello! Currently thinking about dteam and chuckle sammich honeymoon hc's! Where you'd go, what you'd do, how was IT was mm

dteam & chuckle sammy on their honeymoons

dteam masterlist & chuckle sammy masterlist & descrip. pg. 13+. gn!reader.

a/n. omg bae, i've got you! also thoughts like these are gonna be rotting my brain for the next month / nsfw versions: dteam / chuckle sammy

dream

either hawaii or france.. idk what to tell you he's a cheeseball, sticks with the classics OR on the complete opposite, somewhere thailand (but for the sake of my sanity and writing ability we're going with kona, hawaii)

definitely picked a b&b over a hotel, he wanted the privacy for that first night as a wedded couple

leaving around 11am to go to beaches all day or go shopping

when you're out shopping, he always finds a way to not-so-subtly mention that you guys have just gotten married / he thinks he's subtle

standing in a pacsun, the cashier scanned the tags of the clothes you were buying, asking the usual customer service questions, ”how are y'all doing, did you find everything okay?” and you look up at your husband before nodding, but he still spoke up, ”doing good, we just got married, this is spouse, and yeah,” he turns to you, ”i think we found everything okay.” ”mhm.” you smile at his incessant need to announce that you're married.

tbh powerbottom!dream but in an absolutely sfw, fluffy way / how he looks at you with, essentially, heart eyes when he says something begging for your approval but also making it widely known that you're his and that you're married every chance he gets

dream most definitely has that 'nothing can bring me down' mentality while on your honeymoon

also in the evenings when the sun sets and you're sat next to him or on his lap, he thanks any and every higher power he's ever heard of that you came into his life because you're stunning and he loves you so much and can't imagine his life without you

doesn't even register if fans come up and ask for a picture until you point them out, he's just so invested in you

he also doesn't get on any of his social media except to post the occasional instagram story despite how much you told him it was fine and you didn't mind if he checked twitter or updated his snap story

”clay, aren't your fans gonna worry if you go MIA from twitter?” you set your notebook aside, turning to face him. ”no honey i'm gonna spend time with you, they can wait.” he smiles at you. ”yeah i know but-” ”no buts. they can wait.”

also he inevitably gets sick on the last day of your honeymoon, which is fine because you were getting tired of going out every day / you made him soup with the small amount of food you'd bought at the local costco and he finally took to twitter to tell them how wonderful you were being

sapnap

i think he's taking you on 2 honeymoons, the first is for two weeks in texas to spend time with his family, just so you know you can always depend on them when you need them

the other is for three weeks in greece; the people, the culture, the food, he loves it and he wants to surround you in it

probably picked a hotel over a b&b

also on all the flights, during airport security, in taxis/ubers, when waiting for flights, in the hotel, he kept repeating the same words

mrs./mr./mx. armstrong, he just loves saying it, SO MUCH

”i love you, [mrs./mr./mx.] armstrong.” your newlywed husband spins you in his arms, pulling you flush against his chest. ”i know mr. armstrong, and i love you.” you press a kiss to his lips, trying to get out of his arms to get back to unpacking your suitcase

i think for activities, lots of lunches out and dinners in

also a whole lot of museums and art galleries and ancient ruins, spending time talking about greek mythology and your own theories and opinions on it

sap also sometimes calls you bro on accident and you sometimes call him dude still and all you guys can ever say about it is 'it is what it is'

”what are you gonna get, bro?” he asks as he closes his own menu. he didn't even realise what he said, but the waiter did, and he just watched with intent, unsure of what was happening. ”i don't know dude, whatever you're having i guess.” you close your menu. the waiter speaks up, ”i'm sorry i know it's none of my business but uhm- are you two not, married?” he sounds nervous, as if he thinks he's interrupted some secret affair. ”wh- what? we're married. we've been married.” sap is the one to point it out, taking your hand in his. ”ah, it was just how you called each other 'dude', and 'bro'.” the waiter laughs nervously, walking away with the order written down. in unison, ”it is what it is.”

i also think he takes you shopping because he believes the people who gave you the best wedding gifts should also get a gift in return in addition to a thank you card

lots of hand swinging with your left hand to show off your ring, and hugging in lines, and kissing-bordering-on-making-out in public, he just has no reason not to anymore, you're married

george

george couldn't decide where you went for awhile, so he asked of your friends and his friends and ended up at first with iceland (this is george guys remember) but then changed his mind and picked italy and romania, one week in each

b&b >>> hotels with george, he prefers the privacy

he spent months before the wedding trying to learn the basics of the italian and romanian languages despite how widespread english is

definitely takes you out to eat A BUNCH, except for two nights in each country where you and him cooked dinner for yourselves

you can expect lots of late mornings and late nights with george, he just can't get enough of his new spouse

definitely emphasises your last name being davidson whenever there's a reservation or when he feels the staff is being a little too forward

”last name?” the host asked, eyes glued to the kiosk screen in front of him. ”mr. and mx. davidson.” your husband smiled at you, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.

takes you to a store at the start of the trip so you have food where you're staying / bonus if you convince him to go to a farmers' market

every day of the trip you and him have set aside an hour to talk to your respective friends on the phone (he's louder)

also forgets to tell you that he booked a redeye for the first flight out of italy/romania because when he booked it he forgot he was planning for two people instead of just himself / he apologised a lot for it

”y/n i'm sorry, if i had been paying attention i would've booked it for later in the day tomorrow.” ”george, baby it's fine. i really don't mind. it's not like i'm going anywhere.” you flash him your ring with a smile to emphasise you point, to which he returns the smile before looking at his own ring.

he apologised again when the plane was about to take off

ted

i think ted takes you to japan for your honeymoon, at least for a week to try those capsule hotels that you and him been dying to try for months

i think he wants to go see all sorts of attractions in japan; theme parks, cat cafes, boardwalks, boat tours, and maybe take you to see an anime film (my brain is rotted from wanting to see an anime film in japan im sorry)

he booked a hotel because in the moment, it felt the easiest

even in japan he would get recognised, but not nearly as often as he did in the states and he would kindly turn down any fan who wanted a picture because he was busy on his honeymoon

lots of small kisses; at the end of a boardwalk, right before you sit down at restaurants, when you get back to the hotel room, when he brings you coffee, tea, or water in the morning, just outside the restaurant when you're leaving, when you two depart in a mall for a set time of 20 minutes

i think he likes seeing the trending tags on twitter surrounding your wedding

”what'ya smiling at, like an idiot baby?” you ask him, drying your hair with a towel from your recent shower, as you walk around from where your suitcase was to where he was stood in the mini kitchen. ”'the nivisons,' we're trending honey, that's all. i think it's sweet.” ”you know coming over here and giving me a kiss is even sweeter.” his phone is on the counter and he's encasing himself around you so fast.

he definitely texted his married friends for ideas when he started to run out / also before you left he logged into your pinterest on your computer and looked for anything he could use as an idea

you guys start binge-watching a new show while on your honeymoon and made inside jokes about it (yeah you became that couple)

holds your hand when you're walking around and getting into taxis and doing pretty much anything in public because he's scared he'll lose you in a crowd

he talks to you like he would a child. ”don't let go of my hand.” ”i won't ted, don't worry.” you shake your head at his antics once he turns away.

books a later in the afternoon flight out so that you can sleep in and he can pack for you and wake you up and get you out the door slowly, without a huge rush and stress

charlie

charlie takes you to 2 places, to start, you get 3 weeks in bali plus a week in new zealand (jrr tolkien/hobbit/lotr fans are gonna love this one)

in bali, he rents a whole house, 1 bedroom & 1 bathroom with a rate of $110 (usd) a night

while you're there, he takes you to sightsee places like gunung kawi temple, pura lempuyang luhur, ubud monkey forest, tukad cepung waterfall and holy spring (tirta empul)

of course wherever you go he insists on holding your hand, just to keep you close by

”baby you gotta let go of my hand i wanna take pictures.” your husband huffs a small, ”fine.” he releases your hand, but his hands find perch on your waist while you take pictures of the water, or the shops, or the wildlife, whatever.

definitely asks if he can use some of the pictures you took for his instagram story (it's the most he's ever used his insta story) and you tell him yes but only if you get to pick them / also on the same note, if either of you snap anyone during your honeymoon or just take selfies in general, they're always of you two kissing or giving each other cheek kisses in the house or at a restaurant or at a location you're visiting

he spends a lot of time just looking at your ring and how the ring on your finger looks against his fingers and vice versa with his ring against your fingers

”charlie?” he looks up from your intertwined hands in surprise. ”hm, what?” ”whatcha thinkin' about?” ”mmm, nothin', just admiring you.” he pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek, making you smile and a small tint to cover your cheeks.

in new zealand it's a hotel but it's a hobbit hole hotel, complete with tours of everything new zealand could offer about the tolkien's lord of the rings/hobbit universe

more eating out here than in bali despite how much more expensive it is

(if you're not a huge tolkien fan:) lots of thank yous from him for putting up with the trip so he could enjoy it // (if you are a huge tolkien fan:) a ton of excitement for both of you during the entire trip, and lots of talking about your own theories as you learn more about the fictional world

also vlogging the new zealand trip with charlie >>>> / and cataloging the film in the airport just before your flight for you to edit when you get home

schlatt

canada. idc, canada, that's where you're going. or iceland. somewhere cold.

i'm kidding, he told you that as a prank and then took you to australia (i apologise if you can't stand the animals there but this is schlatt we're talking about c'mon)

hotel over a b&b because even he, being the big guy that he is, was a little worried about finding a massive spider in the bed

probably quite a bit of alcohol that first night as a married couple

”y'so- god sweets y'so pretty.” schlatt twirled you around with one hand, beer bottle in the other. you giggled, the alcohol affecting your words and actions. you kept one hand tangled with his while the other held a grip on your bottle of beer. ”j..y'so handsome, you know that?” he blushed, and it must've been the alcohol because your boyfriend– husband now, never got flustered over something as small as that.

there's one night where you two go out dancing and when he sees all the prying eyes of the men and women around you, he makes sure to emphasise your ringed hands, keeping one of his hands planted firmly on your side

somehow you ended up going to see some aniaml fight with schlatt and when it got a little.. gory, you'd cover your eyes with your hands and tuck your head into his shoulder or his chest

”you alright baby?” he asked, flicking his eyes between you and the fight, arm around your shoulder, bringing you closer. ”i guess. jus'wanna leave though.” you whispered up into his ear and he nodded, waiting another minute before walking out with you tucked into his side, repeatedly asking you if you're really okay.

schlatt who takes you out to dinner every other night, with the rest of the nights being used to talk to both his and your friends and watch films together

also schlatt who believes in taking turns making lunch; whether it be sandwiches (it usually is), or pasta, a frozen pizza, etc, you take turns, after all you're married now, everything is 50/50

you probably both get sick at the end of the trip from something you ate and at first you were really worried, but he got better after a day and you two days after that

i also one hundred percent believe schlatt wanted to get home as soon as possible and picked an earlier in the morning flight / him plucking you from the bed three hours before your flight so you could shower and get ready, finish repacking, etc

pray4saint© do not copy, translate or repost my work without my express permission.

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astrogayatreevallabh · 1 year

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Strong planets:

1) Sun & Mars are strong in 9th, 10th, & 11th houses (if it's not in enemy/debilitated sign & dispositor is also strong)

2) Moon & Venus are very strong in 4th & 5th houses (but dispositor should also be strong)

3) Mercury is very strong in the 1st & 2nd house. If Venus is in 4th, Sun is in 3rd & Mercury is in 2nd house in a chart, that's the most excellent combination but planets should not be in enemy/debilitated sign, & there should be friendly sign of Sun in the 9th house.

Moreover, Sun & Mercury in the Ascendant is very powerful combination if Saturn doesn't aspect there and Ascendant sign is not enemy to Sun. In this case, Venus should be either in 12th or 1st or 2nd but not in 11th or 3rd houses.

4) Jupiter in the 2nd house in comfortable sign is highly powerful (but it may not be very good regarding wealth if Jupiter rules bad houses)

5) Jupiter in the Ascendant is very powerful (but it should not be in enemy/debilitated sign). Strong Jupiter in the Ascendant may also gives over enthusiasm, ego problem and lack of direction but it gives highly beneficial results to the houses where it rules.

Rahu in the Gemini is always auspicious and powerful in any house.

Ketu in the Sagittarius is always auspicious and powerful in any house.

(Again, intensity of strength always depends upon dispositor's strength)

Rahu in Taurus and Ketu in Scorpion are strong but may not give auspicious results in many cases.

Rahu-Ketu in Kendra (1st, 4th, 7th, 10th) houses & KoNa (1st, 5th, 9th) houses are strong if they aren't aspected by any other planets. Auspicious results depends upon sign placement too.

Rahu in 3rd & 6th house is always considered very strong. Ketu in 12th house is always very strong.

Planet in own sign or in exalted sign in D1 & D9 are strong.

Day lord should also be considered strong. Example: Sun is the lord of Sunday.

Planet in 1st & 5th house of D9 is always influential in your life no matter how is strength of that planet in the chart.

Retrograde planet should always be considered strong.

Auspiciousness & strength are different thing. Planet can be auspicious but not strong. Planet can be strong but not auspicious. Example, Mars is not auspicious for Gemini Ascendant even if it's strong. Mars is auspicious for Leo Ascendant doesn't mean it is strong.

Strength depends upon house and sign placement but auspiciousness depends upon house rulership.

You should not think that strong planet always gives good results as stated in scriptures. For example: strong/exalted Sun can also make you narcissist.

#astrology #vedic astrology #horoscope #horoscope reading

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writingreadinglurkingandsmirking · 8 months

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If There's Bleach In The Hallways (I Can Start Over) - reality tv star!Rafe Cameron x Reader

I Feel You Underneath My Tongue (Next To Every Word That I Should Have Said): Part 1, Part 2

Summary: Topper gets a distraught you home from your disastrous Hawaiian vacation where you proceed to crumble. You’re, understandably, upset and made even more so when about a week later, Rafe shows up at your place. And as much as you didn’t want to at first? There was too much history there. You had to let him in. And you had to hear him out.

CW/TWs: angst, female reader implied, cursing, toxic relationships afoot, implied previous physical violence, verbal harassment/abuse, implied sexual harassment, not the most edited/reviewed (read: at all)

Words: 5.7k+

Note: God help me I just needed this to be done so apologies that if it's not good I simply needed this out of my draftsssss Rounding out this little thing with pretty boy blondie Drew again. Anywayssssss here’s the second part as promised besties.

You’d hardly been aware of your actions when you’d left Oahu. You’d hardly left the stupid resort Are You The One? was filming at when you’d taken your phone out and found the only familiar contact that felt reliable anymore. Topper’s, of course. You wouldn’t say that you’d won him in your break up with Rafe, exactly. But he was one of your only mutual friends who didn’t for a moment question why you’d initially broken up with him. He’d been the one to console you, understanding that no matter how much you loved him—and dear God, you fucking loved him—you couldn’t be with him anymore. Couldn’t enable his bullshit. It hurt too much...you and Rafe both. Way too fucking much. Even through the haze over your thoughts, you’d recognized that as Topper answered the phone when you called, he wasn’t surprised.

“Top,” you said, voice strangely flat and devoid of emotion.

“What’s up?” he asked, immediately worried based on the sound of your voice. You didn’t answer for a moment, swept up in thought and your throat closing against the threat of you crying. He said your name and you snapped out of it, blinking rapidly. “You okay?”

“No,” you said honestly, gripping your bag in hand at your side tighter. “I’m coming to Kona.”

“You just got there like yesterday,” Topper said hesitantly, clearly anticipating that something bad had happened.

“Yeah. And you were right. I shouldn’t have come in the first place,” you muttered. Topper began to ask but you immediately, curtly, cut him off. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’m catching the first flight over. I don’t even care how much it costs I need to get the fuck out of here.” You drew in a haggard breath. “I really can’t do this anymore, Top.”

“Okay, okay, okay,” he hurried to say. “Don’t freak out. I got you. Did you book a flight?”

“Not yet,” you replied dully.

“Okay. I’ll look at them right now,” he said. You heard the sound quality of the phone shifted as he put you on speaker. He was silent for about a minute before speaking again. “Okay. There’s a flight leaving in two hours from Oahu to Kona. Can you get to the airport quick? I’ll book the ticket for you.”

“Yeah,” you replied, voice hoarse and cracking. You sniffled, suddenly flooded with emotion. “I…thanks, Top.” He said your name softly, sadly and you felt your breath hitch in your throat. “Please…don’t. Not…not now. Please?”

Topper sighed, sounding far more tired than you would’ve preferred. “Okay,” he agreed. “We’ll talk about it later. Just get to the airport. I’m not going to book you a second one if you’re fucking around.”

The attempt to make you laugh failed. Miserably. “Thank you, Top,” you said a final time before hanging up.

You took a few shallow breaths in a desperate attempt to steady yourself, but at the end of the day, it didn’t do much to calm your frazzled nerves. So, instead, you used the keyed up—if erratic—energy to focus on getting to the airport as fast as you could humanly do so. Even safety went out the window. In your haze and desire to be left alone in the meantime, and to avoid being on your phone and risk your own weakness letting you go and look at old pictures of you and Rafe, you didn’t let yourself take your phone from your pocket once you’d shoved it in there. So, instead of doing the logical thing like calling a taxi…taking a bus…literally anything normal? You decided to hitchhike your way there.

Miracle of miracles, you made it to the airport untouched and uninjured by all accounts. With your bag in hand, you shuffled through the airport. You checked in and printed a ticket so you wouldn’t have to turn your phone on. You went through security without even being conscious of your movements. You shuffled to your gate and sat, staring blankly with the extra ten minutes you had before boarding. After you were in your seat, still you didn’t seem to fully fathom what was going on…where you were, even.

When the plane took off, it was like you snapped back into your body.

You wished you hadn’t.

It turned out that trying not to cry on a plane was a lot harder when you were being hit with a torrent of emotions that threatened to sweep you entirely away. And, you also were fairly confident that there was nothing in this world that would be worse…would be more humiliating than sobbing in a plane with some fucking stranger next to you. And the guy next to you, dressed in a crisp business suit, severe look on his face, was already eyeing you as if you were a fucking bomb set to go off. So, the flight was terrible…but hey, you’d expected almost nothing less.

When the plane touched down in Kona, you were ready to scream from relief. You got off as quickly as you could and stood waiting for your baggage, your emotions all over the place and nowhere at all again. You jumped when you felt someone touch your shoulder and whipped around. Unsurprisingly, it was Topper standing behind you with a worried look on his face. Your heart skipped a beat and you frowned back at him before folding yourself into his arms in a tight hug.

“Hey, come on,” Topper said, hugging you back tightly, rubbing your back soothingly. “Let’s get your bag and get to the hotel, okay?”

Angel that he was, Topper grabbed your bag for you as it came around on the belt and then guided you to his rental car. He didn’t badger you as he drove to the hotel or even on the way up to his suite. He managed to keep it together until you reached the room. You didn’t offer a word as you got in the room, instead going directly into the bathroom and locking the door behind you. You took a long, almost scalding hot shower, and stayed as long as you could justify. But, you knew you couldn’t stall any longer.

“You gonna talk to me now?” Topper asked calmly when you finally exited the bathroom.

“I don’t…know what to say,” you replied blankly.

“How about you start with what happened,” he suggested. “I’ve…never seen you like this.”

You were silent for a few moments. You tried to think of what exactly you should say. “You…you were right. This was a stupid idea. I shouldn’t have come,” you managed to say. What you’d seen, what you’d heard all ricocheted through your head like a stray bullet and lodged itself in your heart again. You let out a shaky sigh. “It was a fucking terrible idea, Top.”

“What happened?” Topper asked. He moved in front of you, kneeling down. He grabbed your hands and waited until you looked up at him. “It’s me.” He said your name when you looked away to draw your eyes back to him. “Just talk to me. What did he…what happened?” He was cut off for a moment by the buzzing of his phone. He took it out reflexively and looked down. His brow furrowed immediately. “Why did Rafe text me and tell me your dad is there now?” His eyes locked on yours again, his gaze sharper…more concerned now. “Tell me.”

You sighed and briefly closed your eyes at the news. You were glad that Rafe wasn’t alone; that was good news. You still didn’t want to think about…any of this mess. At all. But, you gave Topper a brief synopsis of the mess that had played out. Of Thalia’s psychotic ass. Her hitting Rafe. Rafe being so…downtrodden. You being a mistake, according to Rafe. By the time you were done speaking, Topper looked quite like he was sucking on a rancid lemon.

“Fucking Christ that idiot can never make things easy for himself can he,” Topper muttered. He moved from kneeling in front of you to sit next to you. “That’s fucked. So fucked. I’m sorry.” You shrugged, not letting yourself look over at him. Topper gently nudged your shoulder and said your name softly.

You closed your eyes again and shook your head. “Please don’t,” you said, voice wobbling.

Again, Topper said your name, imploring now. “Come here.”

Despite everything inside you being stubborn, you cracked. You turned into Topper and started sobbing. You sunk into his embrace embarrassingly quickly as you cried, holding onto him like he was your last lifeline in the world; right now he kind of was.

“I can’t believe…” you sobbed, unable to breathe properly, “and he was…”

“I know,” Topper said, running his hand soothingly up and down your back. And he did. You weren’t speaking any coherent thoughts and still it was blindly obvious what was going on—what you were thinking. “I got you.”

And he did. He held you as you sobbed yourself to sleep. He stayed with you as you walked in an emotionless haze through the whole of the following day. He sat by your side in the airport when you were going to be flying home the day after that, monitoring your face for any sign that you were going to break down. He wanted to be there for you. You loved him for it. You…you should’ve loved him more for it. But, you were starting to get to a point of wanting to lash out. It was irrational and it made you hate yourself but you needed to be by yourself for a moment. You needed to lick your wounds and deal with your torched pride. Graciously, you were torn from the reality of Topper’s intense concern by your phone ringing. Less wonderfully, it was your father calling.

“Dad,” you greeted blankly.

“I took care of it,” he said without preamble. “Everything’s being handled. Rafe’s going to be…fine. On the entertainment side, at least.”

“That’s good,” you replied, the words hollow. You stared at the door of your gate, itching for it to open already.

“Rafe’s doing okay otherwise too. I just put him up in a room with me so I could keep an eye on him. He’s been a little out of it, a little quiet. Nothing too bad though,” he explained, unprompted. You bit back the urge to point out that it was probably because he was in the room with your father and not because Rafe was actually okay.

“Oh that’s good,” you repeated. Your dad sighed and then your name slipped from his lips. Immediately you knew you were going to get a pseudo lecture; you tried to stop it. “Dad, just leave it. Please.”

“Listen, honey,” he said softly, ignoring your request. “I just…I need you to know this, okay?” He took your steely silence as a go-ahead to keep speaking. “You don’t understand why he was there, sweetheart. It’s not what you think. He didn’t…he shouldn’t have been. And he didn’t want to be.”

“But he was,” you interrupted, your voice showing emotion for the first time in the conversation.

“And I watched the footage,” your dad rebuked. “I know what was actually going on. I know what was actually said. I combed through hours of footage—any time the camera was on him, confessionals, the house and everything. I read the interviews that went into casting. All of it. I know everything that went on. And, honey, I’m telling you this as your dad. You should hear Rafe out. It isn’t what you think it was. And I know you love him. I know you want to hear him out. Don’t you think you should at least give him the chance to explain without you putting words he never said into his mouth?”

You were saved from having to reply to your father by the gate agent calling for your group to start boarding. “I have to go. My plane is boarding,” you stated curtly before hanging up the phone. You glanced over at Topper who was looking at you with a forcibly uninterested face. You rolled your eyes, cracking a half-smile for the first time in days. You pushed his shoulder weakly before standing up. “Don’t look at me like that, loser.”

“Not looking at you like anything,” Topper lied—poorly, you’d like to add—before rising to his feet as well. “Come on. Let’s get home.”

“Please,” you muttered, following dutifully behind him as you got in line to board.

Despite the brief pockets of joy that you were able to extract on your flight home, when you landed, you were back in this place of despondence and misery. You made your way home in a cab, refusing Topper’s offer for a ride. And when you got home you turned off your phone entirely and laid in your bed in a cocoon of pathetic misery that made you hate yourself all the more. It felt like you were mourning your relationship with Rafe. Just now. After months of not being together. This…this felt final in a strange sort of way. A way that made you sad. It went on for days, you only leaving your bed to do the bare minimum to keep yourself going. Your entire apartment became a den of sadness that you didn’t know when you’d be able to peel yourself out of it.

Often, your mind oscillated between missing Rafe and hating Rafe. Mourning your love for him and longing for it. It was disorienting and infuriating. It felt like it’d never fucking end. You barely were conscious of the fact that people would be concerned that you weren’t answering your phone at all—it didn’t even cross your mind, in truth. You didn’t care. All you could think of was the resigned look on Rafe’s face, the quiet acceptance, when he’d been hit. It wasn’t surprise. It was just…tolerance. It burned you. And if you bitterly contrasted that to the smiles he’d had with you…even when you weren’t together…it made you feel sick.

Reality came knocking again though.

Literally.

When you’d been home and steadfastly ignoring absolutely everything for about a week, there was a knock at your door. As if your brain suddenly registered how long it had been since you’d spoken to…well, anyone…you winced and stood from your couch where you’d settled a few hours earlier. You were certain it was Topper at the door ready to chew you out for scaring him by not answering. And, if you were being honest with yourself, you probably deserved it too. You sighed as you moved to open the door, resigned to being scolded.

“Listen, Top,” you began as soon as you started opening the door.

You immediately fell silent.

That…was not Topper.

That was Rafe.

You were stunned to see him. Far more than you cared to admit it. You glanced him over, feeling a little bit like a computer being forced to reboot. His bleached hair—which had looked annoyingly good on him, even though you hated seeing it—had been cut. Now, with his hair shorter, it looked like he had the frosted tips he’d always made fun of Topper for having when your friend had rocked the look. A stupid detail to focus on by all accounts. But, if you were looking at his hair instead of his face…you might be able to keep it together.

Your name falling from Rafe’s lips was what brought you out of your state. “Can I come in?” he asked, voice strangely gentle.

“I…” you trailed off. You didn’t know how to finish it. I want you to come in and never leave? I don’t think that’s a good idea? I want you to leave? I never want to see you again? No. None of that. So instead you shook your head to clear it. “Umm…sure.” You stepped to the side and let him in, shutting the door behind him. You went back to your spot on the couch and sat, looking at him warily. “What are you doing here?”

Rafe shrugged, not looking at you. He stood awkwardly, shifting from foot to foot in a way that was so unlike him it was jarring. “Topper said you haven’t been answering him,” Rafe explained. “Some, uh, some of your friends called me too. Said you haven’t been answering them either.”

“Phone’s been off,” you replied, shrugging in turn. “Been tired, don’t feel like dealing with everyone else right now.” You gave him a flat look. “Again, why are you here, Rafe?”

“I need to talk to you,” he said, sounding almost apologetic for it.

You blew out a breath and closed your eyes. You leaned your head back against your couch and resisted the bitter urge to laugh. “Here we go,” you muttered. You raised your head and looked at him. “We’re really gonna do this again?” You shook your head. “Rafe I’m tired. Of this. There…what conversation are we going to have that’ll fix anything? Oh yeah. None.”

He bit his lip and shifted, uncomfortable. He looked terrified and it made you feel on edge yourself. “I know. I know…I know you feel that way. But…I…please?” he said. He gave you an imploring look and said your name pointedly. “Please hear me out. This…this whole thing? It isn’t what you think.”

You let out an ugly snort, unable to stop yourself from glaring at him. “Oh, then by all means. Sure. Go ahead and try to sell me on another story, Cameron. This oughta be good, right?” you posed, acidic in presentation. He flinched at the words—the tone—but you couldn’t bring yourself to feel bad for it. You shifted. “And can you sit down for fuck’s sake if you’re gonna tell me some story? You’re making me nervous just standing there.”

Rafe nodded jerkily and immediately sat on the chair next to the couch. His eyes were focused intently on you. “I never wanted this to happen. Any of it. I wanted…I wanted to get better. For…you at first. But…then for me. But that…it didn’t matter at first…when we…when we first broke up,” he began. You didn’t bother reacting, simply raising a brow to prompt him to keep speaking. “In the time that we, uh, weren’t talking after we broke up? When I…when I went on the bender we talked about?” Your nose scrunched up, remembering well the time period that very nearly killed him. “That was when I decided to get clean. When I went to my first meeting. I realized that, uh, not remembering most nights was actually…actually, uh, kind of scary. It wasn’t…helping anymore.”

“Real big of you to realize,” you muttered, shaking your head. You folded your hands tightly in front of you and looked at him. “Look, Rafe, what does this even—”

“Please just let me get through this,” he said, openly sounding like he was begging. “When I was on the bender…I guess I applied to be a contestant. I don’t…remember it. They…I…I only saw my audition tape because of your dad. And I…I was so messed up. Everything on the applications and in the tape were incoherent. I…I don’t know how…” He trailed off, swallowing hard and shook his head. “I didn’t remember applying for the stupid show.” He said your name once more, softer, begging you to hear him and believe him. “I…you know I just wanted you again.”

“I don’t know anything,” you denied, voice cool. “Don’t bring me into this Rafe.”

He sighed and scratched the back of his neck nervously. “They called me and said that I’ve been selected. You…I don’t know. It was going to be a lot of fucking money to get out of it. Money I don’t have. Money that my dad wasn’t gonna front me. I…I needed to go. It was the only way. It…it felt like the only way. I…should’ve just talked to your dad first. There were about fifty clauses that could’ve gotten me out of it.” He shook his head and let out a laugh. “But I went. And…the second I got there I knew how big of a fucking mistake it was.”

His face went sour and he stopped speaking for a moment. His eyes were locked on the coffee table between you two. He wasn’t speaking. Wasn’t blinking. Didn’t look like he was breathing. It went on for a few seconds too long and you shifted.

“Rafe,” you prompted quietly, narrowly resisting the urge to reach out and touch him.

He cleared his throat, snapping out of it. “The second I met…Thalia…I knew she had to be the one for me on the show. The way that she was from the beginning? The…the type of person she was? It was the exact type of person I knew I deserved. And I…it made sense why we’d be a match to the producers. I was…a mess, obviously. But…when you left…as…as you should have…I’m…I’m not discounting that,” he emphasized, “it just changed something. I didn’t think I deserved as good as I got from you. Didn’t think that I deserved anything good. So, when she was awful to me…to anyone in the house? I knew she had to be for me. Because who the fuck else would deserve that?”

You stiffened at his words, looking incredulously at him. “No one!” you interrupted. “Why would you think that way? You…you didn’t…you were not a match the producers are fucking idiots who care about making a show that sells, not about the contestants!”

“I know,” Rafe said quietly. “Doesn’t mean that I deserve good things in life. Because I have been…repeatedly and constantly fucking horrible. I’m…I’m not blind to that. I…there’s a reason people don’t want to help me or give me credit for good things. It’s because I have so much shit to make up for. The tiny slivers of good I do don’t cancel out the heaps of bad I’ve done. I know that. I…I do.”

“What the hell are you saying?” you demanded. “Really! I’m fucking lost here, Rafe! You…you are a fucking idiot, man. All I have ever done is love you and try to get you to let me love you. Literally constantly. Since we were kids Rafe! All I have done is try to make you see that you do deserve credit—that you do deserve help.”

Rafe closed his eyes. “I know you have,” he agreed. “But…that doesn’t make it…right. If I deserved better, don’t you think I’d get it? But you? You? You deserve someone who takes care of you and who loves you. Someone who can stand by your side and be proud and unflinching. Someone who doesn’t care about what other people think.” He let out a laugh—it didn’t sound very amused. “Someone who will actually defend you.” He looked seriously at you. “I couldn’t even step in and say anything when Thalia was bad mouthing you. And you think I’m gonna believe I deserve someone as good as you? Yeah, no. I’m too much of a fucking coward. I never went against her. I deserved to be paraded around that stupid fucking villa by her and…”

He trailed off and you felt sick for a moment. You’d seen the show. It wasn’t hard to guess where she’d dragged Rafe off to or anything of that nature. You clenched and unclenched your jaw, trying to force yourself to relax.

“Tell me something, though, Rafe. Did you…want to be dragged around by her? Did you want anything you…did with her? Just…be honest.” His face scrunched up. “It’s not a trick question. I’m not trying to make you feel bad.” He shook his head. “And how often did she tear into you for no reason? How many times? And…and for that matter, how many times did she put her hands on you and hit you—hurt you?” You gesticulated wildly, trying to help convey your point, but really just helping alleviate some of your frustration. “You didn’t deserve to be paraded around and used. And of course you didn’t go against her!”

“I hurt you,” Rafe said, his tone severe, his eyes dark as he thought of it.

“Dear God,” you groaned. “Yeah, you did fucking hurt me Rafe. Guess what? Normal fucking Tuesday for us when we’re not together, isn’t it? We always manage to fuck up and hurt each other. But guess what, Rafe? You were in an impossible situation. I get that. I know that, even though you apparently don’t.”

“Doesn’t make it okay,” he argued. “I don’t…you shouldn’t forgive me for that?”

You rolled your eyes. “Pretty sure I’m the one who gets to decide that,” you shot back. You sighed and gave him an imploring look of your own. “Rafe…why would I ever hold it against you? Especially when I know you were trying not to get hit? I’m begging you, for once in your life, use the brain in your pretty little head and think. Why would I ever blame you for that?”

He didn’t look sold. “I don’t know, because I hurt you,” he said as if that were the only thing that mattered in the world. “Because I didn’t prioritize your feelings like I should have.”

So, you changed tactics.

“What would you…” you trailed off. “How would you feel if it were me, Rafe?”

The look on Rafe’s face immediately hardened. “Well, I would have killed him,” he said, voice harsh. “No one’s putting a hand on you.” You nodded, cocking your head to the side. His angry face cracked and he sighed, slumping back into the chair. “I wouldn’t hold it against you. I’d just be…I’d just be worried.”

“Yeah, exactly,” you said softly, looking at him, eyes soft and sad. “Now you know how I feel.” Slowly, you scooted down the couch until you were next to him. You reached out and gently grabbed his hand. He looked at it and then up at you, startled. “Listen to me, okay?” He kept looking at you, attention raptly on you. “I love you, Rafe. I love you so much. I always will. The…nothing about this experience was good for you.” He went to add something but you cut him off. “Or me. But that doesn’t matter—not when you’re the one in the most pain here. And no matter what? It doesn’t change that I love you.”

You watched as tears rose in his eyes. He immediately retracted his hand from your hold and leaned away, his head on the back of the chair. He closed his eyes as if trying to stop the tears, but it didn’t work. You saw the tears sliding down his face even with his eyes closed. He let out a small sob and you felt tears rise in your own eyes—impressive when you’d thought you’d run out of tears for the week. Moving slowly, you reached out again and grabbed both of his hands, holding them and giving a reassuring squeeze. He raised his head after a moment and opened his eyes.

He was sad—so sad.

He was in pain—so much pain.

“I…I don’t think that I…don’t think I could’ve stopped it without you,” he admitted, voice shaky.

You frowned. “I don’t think you would’ve, no,” you agreed, hating it even as the words fell out. “You’re too convinced you deserve that. But you don’t. You deserve love. Real love.”

He let out a sigh and closed his eyes again, squeezing your hands. “Thanks for calling your dad,” he said lamely after a moment.

“I hope he tears them several new fucking assholes,” you replied back quietly. Without much thought behind it, you raised your joined hands up to your lips and pressed a soft kiss to his hands. You heard his breath hitch and your brain caught up with the action. You immediately released him, eyes wide. “I’m sorry. I-I’m sorry. Habit. That was…sorry.”

Slowly himself this time, Rafe reached out and took your hands again, squeezing them. “It’s okay,” he assured you. You squeezed his hands back and offered a small smile. “I am sorry. So sorry. I just…you deserved…you deserve so much better.”

“It’s not…not your fault, Rafe,” you said, at a loss for anything else to say. The words were only partially true and you both knew it.

“I’m still sober, by the way,” Rafe blurted out, seemingly out of nowhere. You furrowed your brow and his face flushed. “I mean…I refused to drink anything or take anything. They…they tried to make me but I refused.” His face was grim and drawn, clearly remembering something. And you had no doubt that those conversations had been awful—even with his stubborn nature, you could only imagine what production crew and cast mates had said to try to get him to drink.

You squeezed your still joined hands and shuffled a little bit closer. You already felt terrible for having thrown that in his face when you were pissed—now you just felt worse. “I’m proud of you,” you said, nodding encouragingly at him. “That’s amazing. I can’t…imagine how hard that was. I know it had to be terrible.”

He gave you a shaky smile and then looked down, the look disappearing. “I’m sorry I didn’t warn you,” he said, eyes locked on his lap. “It all…it all happened so fast. Before I knew what was going on really…I was already on a plane to Hawaii. They took our phones the second we got there. I just…I’m sorry. For all of it.”

“Rafe, I don’t blame you for that part at all. I…I wish you would’ve told me…but, I get it. That…they isolate you. I just…I get it,” you said, unable to form your own coherent thoughts as you absorbed that. You had figured it was something like that, but the confirmation just made your irritation spike.

“Do you…” he began, the words seeming to get stuck on his tongue. “Do you think you can forgive me?”

You looked at him, mystified. “What?” you asked.

He looked up at you again, his eyes wide and fearful. “I know it was terrible and I shouldn’t have asked. I’ve done so much to—” he started rambling.

You cut him off by putting your hand gently over his mouth. A habit you’d long since picked up for when he was talking too damn much or running his mouth like an idiot. And he returned with the habit he’d long since picked up of licking your hand to get it away from him. Unlike your usual response to that though, you didn’t move your hand this time.

“After you have undergone…all of that bullshit on that fucking show…of which I know almost nothing and I still know it was bad…after all that…me forgiving you is what you’re worried about?” you asked incredulously.

You moved your hand at that point and watched his cheeks pink at that question. “Yeah,” he admitted easily enough.

“You…Rafe…I need you to get into fucking therapy,” you said, shaking your head. “Why the hell would I be mad at you for getting taken advantage of? Sober you wasn’t the one who applied. It was fifty thousand dollars on the line that you didn’t have. You were being…abused. Why the hell would I be mad at you? What am I supposed to forgive you for? Being an idiot when you’re drunk or high? Well then sure, baby, that’s forgiven as long as you stop doing it.”

“But—”

“No,” you emphasized. “Rafe, I need you to listen to me. Again, I love you. More than anything. I need you to go to therapy. I need you to take it seriously. I need you to get better. Seeing you hurt like this? Seeing you hurt yourself, let others hurt you…thinking you deserve it? I can’t do that. Baby, I need you to understand that you are, independent of everything, worthy of love and affection. Just as you are now. No changes. And I need you to get that I already do love you. Your friends love you. Hell, my friends still love you after all this shit. The whole damn thing. I need you to know that. You are not alone, you should never be or feel alone. You deserve good things. You deserve us all in your life.”

This time, Rafe’s the one to pull his hands away from you. You see his eyes well up again and notice that his chest was moving erratically. He looked away from you, sniffling and your heart shattered. You moved to the edge of the couch, leaning over into his space slowly, giving him ample time to tell you to fuck off or to move himself. He didn’t.

“Baby,” you implored softly, hand on his knee delicately. He let out a shuddering breath and then you moved closer still and wrapped your arms around him. He froze for a moment, but melted into your embrace, going as far as pulling you fully onto him so he could hug you tighter. You responded in kind by wrapping your arms tightly around him. “I got you.”

“I’m so—”

“Stop apologizing,” you urged. “I don’t want you to be sorry. Not for me.” You pressed a kiss to his temple. You pushed your hurt aside, knowing that it wasn’t at this moment, the biggest hurdle—you’d get there when you got there. He was more important in this moment. “We’ll get you through this. We’ll get through this, baby.” You pressed a kiss to his forehead and let out a sigh, tightening your arms. “Don’t worry, baby. I got you.”

“I love you,” he choked out.

Your heart stuttered in your chest and you forced yourself to keep breathing normally. “I love you too,” you assured him.

You really fucking did—God help you, you did.

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randomstupidchaos · 12 days

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I don't know how many people actually remember this project, 'cause it's been, like, 3 years since I started it, haha. But! I finished this quilt top today:

This wasn't based on any specific pattern but a friend said it reminded her of summer on the beach. Saltwater taffy, watching the sunset. I can get behind this.

It's a lap-size quilt. While I did include some of my own fabrics to stretch this out, the majority of the fabrics are from 2 Tula Pink charm packs (Linework and True Colors). The solid-color diamonds are leftovers from a rainbow Kona Solid charm pack (some of you may remember the rainbow baby quilt I made for one of my nieces).

I'm not sure yet what I'm gonna do for the backing and binding. But here're some pics of my cat terrorizing it .5 seconds after I took the top pic:

#quilting #quilt #quilts #sewing

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apple-salad · 10 months

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Petticoats for Farutetto JSK

AKA an attempt at putting the butt in Farutetto..if I can say that?

Note: I will be referring to Farutetto as Faltetto in this post as MM has previously translated the dress name as such.

I'm honestly not really sure why I wrote this post, and I'm regretting it a little having finished writing it because the topic seems pointless, but if you like maximum poof, then maybe this niche blog topic is for you.

Related posts about farutetto/faltetto dress: Unboxing (2023 mist and navy), Mary Magdalene faltetto history (long), 1st coordinate post

Mary Magdalene's stock photos for Faltetto picture it bustled with a highly raised back, but they really left it as an exercise for the reader when it comes to achieving this effect ourselves.

Bustle-able skirts are common enough in classic lolita, but we don't have a lot of lolita petticoat options that provide a historical-style rump. Not to mention that the bustle effect going on above is quite extreme.

Some petticoats that I can think of that have increased back volume are Sheglit's Victorian pannier, and some of Victorian Maiden's old petticoats.

left: VM Hip Up Middle Tulle Pannier, right: VM Hip Up Pannier

The VM petticoats appear to be designed to be used with their bustle skirts, with a few extra tiers of hard tulle to help provide a slight volume to the outer skirt.

Sheglit Long Bustle Pannier

Sheglit's is similar, with a large amount of tulle gathered near the hips for an Edwardian silhouette. I don't own this petticoat, but it might work with faltetto if the petticoat is wide enough to stuff more volume underneath.

For me, I think these types of petticoats weren't quite going to cut it... I needed huge back poof. Or at least needed to try...

Here is faltetto without any petticoats. The dress itself has no additional volume built in, so it's pretty flat. The lining is as densely (or nearly) gathered as the outer chiffon, so you could argue it is giving a tiny bit of volume. But still, quite flat.

I have collected too many petticoats over the years and own about a million at this point, so note that the petticoats I am layering here are only a guide and should be achievable if you own 2 or 3 relatively poofy petticoats of your own.

I use a couple not very poofy petticoats as a base layer to help hold up the larger upper petticoat layers.

Layer 1 is a Malco Modes 580 ("Zooey"), which is a light-poof petti.

Layer 2: Just a deflated Mary Magdalene Pannier-skirt for a tiny bit more volume

You could probably use one decently poofy A-line or 1 quite poofy, slightly longer bell petti instead.

I layer a short bell shaped petticoat on top of these to give more volume to the upper portion of the skirt. A-line pettis tend to be quite bottom heavy and I think the delicate chiffon fabric of faltetto needs consistent support along its silhouette, or else it looks weird.

Layer 3 is AP's "short organdy pannier"

These are the base layers. Next I add a back cushion to help hold up all the layers that will follow. It helps a lot in creating a "shelf" effect at the back.

The cushion itself is made from kona cotton (scraps can also be used) with a pattern that I freehanded off of examples of edwardian back pads online. I don't think the exact shape matters that much--you could probably tie a literal tiny cushion to your hips. But the dimensions of this one are approximately this if you want to try it yourself:

You can round off the sides into a kind of 3-oval shape, or cut out a smooth semicircle, I don't think it will make much of a difference for this purpose.

After trying this setup with the upper layers added and finding the bustle effect not jutting out enough, I decided to add an extra volume layer just to the back. I don't have anything purpose-made right now, so I made do with a deflated bell shaped petticoat folded in half (and folded again slightly around the edges to keep the total pinned width about 3/4 of the waist) and pinned to the cushion.

The result so far is weird, but maybe it works...

The last actual petticoat layer is Angelic Pretty's "Long Organdy Pannier". I don't think AP makes these anymore, but they are a approx. 50cm long, gently bell-shaped petticoat designed for the longer dresses AP was releasing around 2016~2020. I find the longer length quite good for sweet-classic when the skirt of a JSK or OP is a little longer, or achieving a little more poof around the upper part of the skirt with certain longer classic pieces. It's not extremely poofy on its own, but I personally enjoy using it for various poof purposes.

Layer 6 or so (?) (AP Long Organdy Pannier)

This final petticoat layer also helps smooth out the bustle silhouette, from the front to the raised back.

Finally, on top of all that a tiered underskirt is layered on top. Faltetto doesn't have any built in underskirt (just a lining, which is expected to be bustled up with the main fabric), so it's more attractive to add some ruffles to the back that are visible when the skirt is lifted. Unfortunately, at this point the petticoats are so wide that I don't seem to have any underskirt wide enough for the entire circumference of the poof.

This is the result, but I actually wouldn't recommend positioning an underskirt like the above because the length of the underskirt didn't end up matching the length of the skirt, being quite a bit too short instead (and not really in a nice bustled looking way, in my opinion). In my initial worn photos, I instead fold the underskirt in half and pin it to the waistband of my petticoat (and then pin the underskirt up a little bit since doing this made it a bit too long), which kind of worked but also wasn't really a great solution. I might need to make my own super wide underskirt, or something...thoughts for another time.

Lastly, the dress can be added over top everything! And don't forget to bustle the dress. It's not an entirely intuitive process for first-timers, but there are loops on the back of the dress that you thread the bustle ties through and further tie into a knot. I might try to post a reel of this process eventually (and will update later if I do), but here are some pictures which muddily attempt to express how the bustle is tied:

It was about at this point that I realized that this JSK had a minor factory defect, but thankfully it was easily and very quickly fixed.

And so, here is how the dress looks with all those layers underneath from different angles!

From the front, it looks pretty much like a normal petticoat is being worn with it. I hope this is enough back poof, but what do you think...?

And here are some extra photos of this coordinate to show the set up worn. I can tell that this arrangement might not be very sustainable for a full day, so I will probably be tweaking the petticoat arrangement further in the future.

Last note: As you might be able to tell, I don't own any hoop or wire petticoats, so I can't really give good advice or opinions on where they would fit in here. A hoop skirt that has a rump in its silhouette would be historically on point and probably work quite well, but you would likely have to make a custom one with shorter length. I really don't know enough about mid 19th century fashion to comment on this either, though. But maybe I might attempt it some day!

#lolita fashion #mary magdalene #mary magdalene jp #faltetto jsk #farutetto jsk #lolita petticoats #farutetto #classic lolita

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bahja-blix · 3 months

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😐💀 A Dumbass Appeared (Ask Edition) A post regarding Viv Stans (Part 2)

Before we begin I want to say that I will absolutely not be censoring the person in this for valid reasons. I'll however censor the people who are just regular visitors.

What brilliance unfolds in my ask box? They put themselves out there on purpose "because reason"... I guess?

Reminder This is the Internet, you put yourself out there, your out there forever and if you do something stupid or say something stupid, your idiocy might go viral enough where you get called out so don't expect people to cover you up when YOU did this To Yourself

When I changed my bio to say "Bored ASF, Ask a Goth" I didn't mean be a god damn loser and make up shit on purpose for Bait reasons.

Yes this is real and Yes these were sent by a Viv Stan and it's OBVIOUSLY Bait but I still wanted to review it just for fun because I was literally laughing my ass off and I ain't even high!! 🤣 that And the actual person was Serious about deleting their profile along with taking the time to remove one by one every like and post from their profile which is hilarious. I didn't even make a post at the time and they disappear Anyway 😂. So I had absolutely no option to respond regardless. Lol you didn't think I'd see that but I did LMAO. You took the time to send me this but couldn't take a couple seconds to block me right after so I don't see your profile disappear but I guess you're just that stupid. What stopped you from just deleting your account without going through lengths to type this shit up?

We start with Kona, a boot lickin Viv stan living in denial over the fact that their obviously a Viv Stan. I said I wasn't going to answer this but this is HORRIBLE 😂 How could I Not share!

I love how you literally sat here and took the time to go ""Anonymous"" on the first ask you sent me showing your name and profile only to turn around and send me Another ask and Then another begging to me down on your knees basically telling me to forget I saw your ass 🤣🤣🤣

Omfgfgfggg🤣🤣🤣

I absolutely applaud how you "went out of your way to ALL these critics" like your some kinda Big Dawg white knighting for Viv telling us to "Listen up" because God Damnit "This town ain't Big Enough for the two of us" only to completely disappear off the face of the earth because you knew I saw your ass and you got scared.

I'm assuming you saw my last post where I said "Stick it" when referring to someone else that didn't agree with the helluva boss and hazbin hotel critical community...so you took it to heart and used it in the ask!? Did my post offend you 🥺🥺🥺? Omg I'm terribly sorry that I'm not a boot licking Viv Stan... I truly am (⁠◡⁠ ⁠ω⁠ ⁠◡⁠)

So... you attack Showtoonz for no reason other than *Double Checks Notes* ahh here we go "Having valid opinions" fresh off the table *chef kiss excuse* lol

LMAO they really said "Ass takes" omg no wayyy 😂

I also applaud how you basically said that the entirety of the helluva boss and hazbin hotel critical community an "embarrassment to our democracy" lol where that come from? and that the best argument you can come up with is that "*ughhh* your all "cOnSeRvAtIvEs" like did you travel across time and space through the Internet, see my page, and pretend to get triggered over the fact that I'm p***tically balanced in every direction?? Open minded if you will!? What does critiquing a show have to do with what's going on outside in the world? You do realize a lot of these people critiquing Viv Are in fact Democrats (me included in that spectrum) that Were fans of Viv and don't agree with Viv because she messes shit up on purpose 😂

Love how your one of those people that's obviously too far on the edge who are an actual embarrassment to society because this is the shit you put out there along with the

"YoUr NoT oNe Of Us" argument because what else would you pull out of your ass like legit your literally the type of person that likes to sniff your own fucking farts... Geez

I can't stop laughing 🤣

"One of Us! One of Us! Gooble gobble, Gooble gobble, One of Us! One of Us!" Like I can't. We Dems ain't gonna bow down to you and kiss your ass like your some kind of King so you might as well get over it buttercup

Regarding the last one for Bait reasons you decided to bring janky brained Joe into this... What a legend! You really showed us Dems the middle finger and went "Fuck ALL of You" 😂 Hey pal I'm NGL, but all I'm saying is that maybe you shouldn't be so into your own p***tical fart clouds so much because all that methane n shit will clog up your thinking.

"OMG I've been exposed by my own "Brilliance" in taking down these critics, please don't expose me"

W H E E Z E !!!

this last bits my favorite part

"*Clears throat* "If you disagree with me I'm going to "delete my account"

(Welp I guess I disagree with you :D, have a nice day ^^ Adios!! 🤣) Wait? You were actually Serious??? 🤣🤣🤣

"run to Twitter" with all my problems (because of course your one of those losers) and "bitch" to my two followers that "Will raise all hell" down onto those "Antis" who are so Mean and Negative where my post is sure to go viral enough to take down the entire critical community and reap their rights away from them"

Without any proof, but instead your tail tucked between your legs as you run and hide.

PA THETIC

Managed to get this on the way out. A Viv Stan in denial who's also a hypocrite. Oh but we "anti Viv Stan critics" have "ass takes" and "no valid criticism" You blindly support woomy... The same person who attacked multiple people in our communities for having valid opinions!

Fucking Cringe dude

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bcacstuff · 10 months

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Hi BC, don't know if you realize this but the woman who started the Ocean charity MPC sponsors is based in FLA and lives on the west side, I think near Sarasota. She is also a Gator fan and he posted with Gator logo this week. Not saying romantic as many will try to sugest just connection. When it was posted by the Florida fan last week that he might be there, I thought hrs going to do his ocean adventure MPC was promoting during his vacation. ? Also, it looks as you have in at a hotel in Miami on Tues, but the sun (set or rise) story was posted when the sun was setting 4 to 5 pm Thursday on the West side of Florida. So something to chew on. Cheers! Thanks for the updates.

When we learned he landed in Miami, I took the option of the Ocean cleaning charity into account as well. I know there was some talk to organize a day for the MPC members, like the tree planting last year. Just not now in one place as it looks like there's not going to be a gala this year, but more virtual and online. But so far I haven't seen anything that points in this direction. I think he just took a week or a bit more to be on his own, do his own and enjoy the free time getting some rest and if he posts about his trip the way he did, tells me he was just on his own doing what he likes to do.

I am not sure what you mean with the sunset pic, if you meant the one of MPC, that is just MPC promo, not his pic. He only reposts them. So hasn't got anything to do with where he is or what he is doing imo. And for the Gator logo? He didn't post anything but reposts of MPC and his booze.

And for the beer... 🙄 Gosh... I didn't had any clue and I bet he didn't either. I don't think it's a political statement. He's just having a beer while on his trip. He did sort of the same pic 2 years ago showing a Kona beer?

I'm glad I'm living in a country where a beer is just a beer and nobody is gonna have a terrible homophobic dispute over who is promoting it. 🌈

And no, I'm not the one that looks for all kind of hidden messages, receipts or whatever in pics. A beer is a beer, though it might have been a lot less troublesome to just make sure and leave it out of the pic. Oh and if you wait for a 'drinking and driving' comment from me. Hm.. drinking one or 2 beers (low alcohol percentage) isn't that big a deal for me. It's most likely not crossing the limits. It's not wise, to drink and drive for sure, and I get worse vibes seeing him on a bike with a bottle of his booze (high alcohol percentage). Anyway, all I see is a guy hanging out, enjoying time on his own and doing some sightseeing. Nothing there to get upset about 🤷‍♀️

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skyesk1n · 10 days

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ZERO CAL KONA ICE/SLUSHY RECIPE!!

-Blended ice

-Water flavor (I use the MIO fruit one!)

-2 stevia packets for sugar

-Sometimes I cut fiber pills or other vitamins and protein in them, be creative!

Enjoy anas ♥️

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mechanical-prophet · 5 days

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So the last episodes had a few large timeskips, i got curious and decided to look into it. Anyways here's as of episode 8 Timeline of the series. Whoops!

Events Prior to the Start of the show

Jellyfish Mural completed -10/8/2017 Kona's incident ~12/23/2021 Start of show

Start of Ep1 ~ 10/30/2023 End of Ep1 - 10/31/2023 Start of Ep 2- 11/1?/2023 End of Ep2- 11/12/2023 Start of Ep 3 - 11/xx/2023 End of Ep3- 12/2/2023 Start of Ep4 - 12/2/2023 End of Ep4 - 12/3/2023 Start of Ep 5- 12/3/2023 End of Ep 5 -12/31/2023 Start of Ep 6 -1/2/2024 End of Ep 6 ~1/9/2024 Start of Ep 7- 5/6/2024 End of Ep 7- 5/20/2024 Start of Ep 8- 8/xx/2024 End of Ep 8 - 11/2/2024 The dates for a few episodes are less well constrained so they get a "~" before the date. /xx/ indicate that they take place in the corresponding month and year, but exact dates cant given. What we see is somewhat surprising. I didn't really feel the time skip between 6&7, but I definitely felt it between 7&8. Almost an entire year has passed since the end of Ep6! There is a very apparent break in the pacing of the series, which I'm curious as to reason for.

#jellyfish can't swim in the night #yoru no kurage wa oyogenai #timeline

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jaemified · 7 months

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I COULD NEVER LIE TO YOU.

“maybe i finally understood why you were the way you were. or maybe you just never tried to understand me.”

☆ pairing ; toxic bf lee chan x fem reader

☆ genre ; hurt, ANGST, no comfort, toxic relationship, y/n vents but she has no one, slightly suggestive content

☆ warnings ; swearing, drinking, implied substance abuse, mentions of cheating and sex, y/ns insecure af (and only cz he made her that way), chans a gaslight and manipulator but also very possessive !!

☆ wordcount ; 0.9k

☆ synopsis ; youve been struggling with a toxic relationship for years now, but you had no one to tell that to, or anyone thatd believe you at least. so while your boyfriend slips out for the night to god knows where, you use this time to write down and express everything youve bottled up all this time.

☆ kona speaks ! - i think its funny how i always start with swearing in cw when its not anywhere near the worst thing in the story LMAOAOAOA anyway sorry i havent uploaded in FOREVER.. college is so hard (+i love my new format! all my drafts from the past 2 months are written like this:))

!disclaimer!, this is a pure work of fiction and is not in any way related to chan and his personality! purely for entertainment purposes only, and for me to express some thoughts :)

READ BELOW THE CUT

OCTOBER 31, 2023

you had left me on my own yet again. its not like i had any true friends left to be with anyway, after you scared them all off, that is.

who knows where you couldve gone.

no, the real you.

my sweet, sweet channie i fell in love with all those years ago.

where could you have gone?

maybe i wasnt good enough, maybe i wasnt pretty enough.

or maybe you werent understanding enough.

i always thought it was me, but maybe it was you all this time.

i like to think back at when we were last happy, god. that mustve been ages ago, just about.

it was.. my 16th birthday?

-my 16th birthday-

it was.. the day we had to put my dog down. my puppy since i was young. i remember it all clearly now.

i was..

-i was..-

we, we were 17.

mmm, my dog was probably my best friend. the realest one in a while.

i remember how you were there for me, even took me to my favorite donut shop to distract me while you tried so hard to make me laugh.

it worked.

i wish you were still you when we were young.

my sweet channie.

where could you have gone?

i could care less about your whereabouts.

i could care less about how you told me i was lying and that you knew i loved you whenever i tried expressing how i felt about us now.

but maybe i just want to be loved again.

maybe i just want to feel something again.

and i know it cant be with you.

i remember the last time you brought me out we were at mingyus halloween party last year.

nobody could find you, so i went to look for you myself.

i noticed your location was still shared with me, and not any of your friends.

so i tracked you to our car.

-our-

i tracked you to your car.

(since nothing that was yours was mine anyway)

and there you were.

fucking some random girl in the backseat.

that was the last day i saw any of my friends.

you never let me out again.

“you cant go, youll just be in my way.” you said before you left for soonyoungs christmas party.

“you cant go, i cant bare to see you hurt again.” you told me before i was about to leave to my own birthday party planned by my friends.

“you cant go, youll just play victim in front of all my friends and cry about how i fucked another girl.” you told me before you left a few hours ago.

i never know with you. but, i know deep down you care.

somewhere.

its always how y/n cant go here, y/n cant do this. or, shes too busy, we have something planned, shes not home.

even in the way you always spoke over me i knew you were just trying to speak for me.

but what about you?

why cant i have a say in anything you do? why do i get everything taken from me? why did you scare off all my friends and even make your friends hate me too?

you always came home high or on something whenever a different girl each time, dropped you off after you came back from a different party.

i never missed the way theyd look at me.

as if you said something about me.

because you know i never forget the look on someones face

it wasnt till later when i found out from wonwoo that everything you did to me, you told those girls thats what i did to you.

i learned to be quiet though.

i learned to sit there and smile, and just take it.

there was nothing i could do though, theres nothing that couldve changed your actions.

i mean, i cant control you.

so why can you control me?

the channie i knew from when we were 20 wouldve consoled me and been there for me.

the channie i knew from when we were 15 wouldve just laughed about how mr seo accidentally buzzed his head in the boys locker room.

the channie i knew from when we first met in grade school wouldnt even have thought about doing half the things you do now.

so where did we go wrong?

i still think about that.

was it, when we hit puberty?

was it, when we moved out?

was it, when we graduated?

our first date?

the day i found out you cheated?

y/n scoffed as she looked at the giant brown teddy bear in the corner of the room that chan had won for her on their first date.

she let out an annoyed sigh, thinking back, looking back at whatever point in time that couldve even reflected a glimpse of this change in him.

it was too subtle, but too sudden, for her to even remember.

she took a sip of her ginger ale before picking up her pen and scribbling some more in her diary that only she had the key to.

who knows what he’d do if he saw all the things she said about him.

you really werent much help.

nevertheless, i still love you.

i really fucking love you.

i know you do too.

i know a part of you inside still cares for me.

i could even cry thinking about it.

yeah, i realize i dont get out much.

but you never hurt me.

physically, at least.

the emotional damage is beyond repair though.

but i know theres still a bit of the you from our youth left.

i see it in the way you look at me.

no matter how mad,

how upset,

how happy,

how sad you were,

whether you were high,

whether you were drunk,

even when we were younger too.

you always looked at me the same.

that softened gaze and warm eyes.

the eyes never change. the eyes dont lie.

i mean, you could deny it (which id only laugh if you tried), but your eyes tell.

maybe thats why im still holding on.

maybe im just waiting for the boy i first fell in love with to randomly come back.

the chances are slim.

but i still hope.

im holding on.

by a thread, at least.

not like you’d let me leave anyway.

i could say how theres still love left within us

probably, somewhere

but when was the last time we were genuinely happy?

what do you get out of this?

because it isnt happiness. it cant be. you wouldnt be here if you were.

we’re both miserable. i see it and feel it.

it’s like, im just here for you.

i can understand the pressure though.

everyone would ask “how did you make it through college?” “how did you make it through high school?”

they dont understand though. you kinda made me

-you kinda made me-

they dont understand though.

i mean,

maybe i finally understood why you were the way you were

or maybe you just never tried to understand me.

i could tell you all of these things.

but i couldnt.

because i could never ‘lie’ to you.

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