#kinda emotionally zapped

[usodeshou]

feeling very 😶 today

#kinda emotionally zapped #I just want to either lie down and sleep or do something that doesn't require me to use my brain much #should maybe go for a walk instead #get myself a dose of nature and sunlight #once I get myself unstuck from the couch #just me rambling

[always-a-joyful-note]

Actually, Zool was SUCH an important addition to this story just narrative-wise. In the last few parts we've basically seen the topic of change and endings tackled alongside the desire for eternity and sameness and how impossible it is for a human to fulfill those expectations. So here comes Zool, a group born out of a desire to destroy idols and expose their humanity in the ugliest way possible, made out of four people who have been deemed failures by society and/or their own selves. They were not a good group but they changed and became sincere in their pursuit of music. Their whole redemption is just basically a big flashing signpost that tells us that change can be good AND still co-exist with the desire to last, even if it turns out that they can't last.

#sorry i was reading about isumi scoffing at how kujo is the biggest failure of all (i am SO proud of him for that btw)... #....and i kinda lost it and made this incoherent overanalysis #because ARGH ITS SO GOOD YOU GUYS #this story is making me lose my MIND #if i had a nickel for every east asian media without an official translation that zapped my brain id have two nickels..... #idolish7 #fandom spamdom #note's notes #anyway the careful arrangement of the narrative.... #yeah zool really did win me over with their narrative significance and unhinged emotionally constipated group dynamics

[cetaceans-pls]

Hit Me With Your Best Short

happy birthday to @setsailslash, who got me into this (bat) hole and every day helps me dig it deeper. hope u got SO much good food to eat babe c:

jaybru, age regression, established relationship

-🚸-

Jason's pretty used to all types of things, but this one's a doozy. Villain-of-the-week this week's a frazzled-looking woman who keeps flipping between, uhm, Welsh, and shouting about de-throning Circe while she shoots lightning out her hands. Luckily, Gotham's Hot Swamp Summer is in full swing this mid-spring, and between the rocketing temperatures and humidity so full-bodied you're almost under water, the streets are real quiet as she shouts and zaps and, on 3 occasions, summons tigers.

Phew. Jason sends off a quick message to animal control (the genetic diversity introduced by emotionally-unstable magicians bringing endangered species into existence has, somehow, been a boon) and lets off a few potshots. He's trying to corner her into the deadzone between 14th and Bassett, that funny little intersection where magic and mobile data goes to die. Z says it's some strange trick with leylines, coherent magic waves interacting destructively to dampen power, and they'd only found the spot because there's a Mozambican seafood restaurant there that is maybe a little godly, and in her pursuit of a personal record in grilled prawn consumption Z had gotten her nice blouse all prawn'd up and could not prawn down them with just a spell.

Anyways. It's not the time to think about prawns, even if Jason always wants to think about prawns. He's herding sorcerer-lady closer and closer to Cantinho do Aziz, and he knows that once she's on the sidewalk then her power's going to sputter and die out, and he just needs to keep his distance, keep his cool, keep his-

Ah, shit. She's gotten another tiger in (good!), and she's called it right behind him (bad!). He doesn't have much in the way of Options for Escape, with Stripey roaring at him and lady yelling at him, but she's half a step away from losing power and Jason's a quick runner.

"Ah, shit," he says, dropping his gun then dropping his head before bum-rushing the Boss Babe. This is a good plan! Body-tackle her into the no-go zone then knock her out, preferably before he gets zapped and before he gets mauled!

Well. One outta two ain't bad.

-🚸-

When Jason comes to, he's on the cot in the medical bay, and his head is spinning and the floor looks awfully far far away. "Fuck me," he says, and then "Fuck me?" he says again, because that isn't his voice.

"Language, Master Jason," Alfred says, manifesting from the other side of the divider, holding a tray of tea and fried rice in his hands.

"Am I dying?" Jason asks very intently in his terribly high-pitched voice. He Loves fried rice but one of Alfred's very very few weaknesses is an inability to love and be loved by woks, so the only time they get stir-fry is when someone's not doing so hot.

"No," Alfred says, getting him set up. "And as such, this is not my best work. I just presumed you could do with some comfort, given..."

Jason sighs, and flexes his (tiny tiny) hand. "Yeah, given. How old am I, and do we knows how long I'm gonna stay like this? And did we catch the woman that did this?"

Alfred hands over a spoon after he's helped Jason sit up. "Twelve years old, I would say." Not fifteen, he doesn't say, so at least that's one less thing to worry about. "And we have apprehended the sorceress; she's still unconscious, so no help there. And unfortunately, given your condition and the ongoing situation in the 4th circle of hell, it'll be a while yet before we get a magician to come and check on you."

Jason groans. "There goes date night then, unless I'm gonna recover in 2 days." He tucks into his fried rice, and it's hot and a little greasy and kinda spicy and it's not Alfred's best work but it's nevertheless mighty mighty fine. "B handling this okay?"

Alfred inclines his head. "Once we got you home and checked that you were not injured beyond a, ah, temporal displacement, he left to finish clean-up of a little drug bust along Millionaire's Mile. He's handling this better than I've expected, in all honesty."

Jason chugs down his sweet milk tea, licks his lips. "When'd he go and get himself good at responding to stress?" he says, a little glad and a little irritated that Bruce isn't actually right by his side, hunched over looking like his guts are trying to eat him from the inside out.

"When indeed," Alfred says with great sufferance, face calm and eyes definitely not rolling. "He's been wearing a hole into the ground by the computer to avoid hovering. Do go and ease his mind when you can, Master Jason."

Jason rolls his ankles, his shoulders, his neck. Everything well, everything unbroken. He rubs at his chest, through the linen pyjamas that MUST be Damian's because what other child wears linen pyjamas, and notes the marked absence of an autopsy scar.

At least he isn't 15, though it sure is April. It's a miracle that Bruce hasn't run off to space, or come in here to shout at him. "No time like the present, huh."

Even if right now the definitions of both 'time' and 'present' are a little, uh. Uhm.

-🚸-

As expected, Bruce is by the computer, on a call with Superman and Wonder Woman, likely discussing the last apocalypse they averted in preparation for the next one coming in. Superman sees him first, obvious in his smile widening, sees him clear and dear even through the privacy blur Bruce has on, though the darkness of the cave and the limited quality of even the Bat WebCamera.

(Of course Superman isn't limited to regular human senses, of course of course, but Jason has this, hah, sense that Clark has some typa supernatural eye just on him, just for him, because he's the one that Died and Clark's very human in that he grieves and that he's not maybe too good at grieving, and Clark's very not because some nights when Jason's riding awful close to an edge he'll Feel that he's being watched, like a loving Sauron's got his eye on him in a way that goes beyond X-rays and electromagnetism.

It's almost off-putting, but Jason thinks if he can peer through the fifth-dimension unto a child that died then un-died but keeps doing things that could get themselves killed, he'd be all ogling all the time, so it's hard to keep a grudge.)

Superman's face is gently dissolving around the force of Clark's dimples, and Jason grins with his gappy teeth and says "Hi Uncle Clark!"

"Jason," Diana is smiling now too. "My, how you've grown."

It's silly, and she's laughing at her joke and she's laughing at herself, and Jason can't help but laugh too. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up." He pauses, clears his throat, because his voice had cracked a little bit and 2/3rds of the Trinity are looking at him so warmly they could melt diamonds, but it's the last third that he's worried about. "I just got up, and I gotta talk to B. Is it okay if I steal him for the night?"

"Of course," Diana says magnanimously. "We will, after all, be seeing you for breakfast."

"Will we now," Bruce says flatly.

"No force on Earth's gonna keep me away from taking young Robin for a joyride 'cross the Eastern Seaboard, B," Clark says, grinning hugely. "If you're interested, that is."

Oh, man. What a flashback to times before. Jason knows he's a cute kid at the moment, mussed hair and big eyed and bare-toed, but he still feels like him, and it's been a while since he as himself had any type of one-on-one time with his (former?) idols. He feels a little wrong-footed, a little like saying 'I'm actually still an adult' and 'where were you when I was young and fresh out the grave', and the spitefulness comes sudden and comes ugly.

Something must show on his face, this soft round one whose muscles he's forgotten, because Clark's dimples smoothen out and it's Superman again, and the eye of Sauron that's on him turns a little cool even if it doesn't turn away. "Plenty of time to discuss this in the morning, so we won't keep you. Speak soon."

Diana frowns a little, before she nods. "Yes, we shall speak soon," she says like it's a blood oath, and then they're both gone, and now it's just Bruce in his BatChair and it's Jason in this body that just barely comes to Bruce's shoulder while he's sat down.

Bruce still hasn't looked at him.

"At least I'm not 15," Jason says at long last.

"That does not make it better," Bruce says, tight-jawed and facing his darkened screen.

"Can't make it worse." Sick of being ignored, sicker still of being yea tall when he used to have the barest height advantage, Jason clambers up on the chair, straddles Bruce's lap and grabs him by the chin as tightly as this child's hand can get. "You look at me when I'm talking to you," he says, voice still too too high to be menacing.

Bruce looks at him, then pointedly looks away. "Did Alfred tell you? I went back out, finished up my work, even after you got brought in like this."

Jason frowns. "Yeah, he did. We both thought that was mighty adult of you, doing the right thing."

"Was it? The right thing?"

Ahhh, there we go. The slightest sliver of eye contact, because say what you will about his obstinacy but once you've earned it, Bruce is so so good at following instruction. Jason snorts, and slides his hand down so it rests gentle gentle on Bruce's neck. "Yeah. I was fine, even if I'm like this, and needs must. Man's got a mission after all, right."

Bruce closes his eyes, and doesn't open them again like they're too too heavy. "You don't think there's something deeply wrong with a person who can look on the unconscious body of their, their, lover son-not-son and make themselves get up and leave? That I made myself decide that the mission is more important? That there's any singular thing would be more important than you?"

Jason usually gets real fed up real quick with Bruce's angst, on account of only one them having been the one beaten to death then exploded then resurrected into a thing of trauma and rage, but... Well. It's April. And dying Sucked Bigly but the whole time through he got to hold on to the truly unshakeable confidence that none of it had been his fault, a 15-year-old dumbass who had wanted so dearly to love so's he would feel all right to be loved in return.

Bruce doesn't get that unbearable clarity of being; the joker did the killing, but Bruce and Jason both know that Bruce has some portion of Jason's blood on his hands. And Jason can say don't mind it and just love me right right now and he gets to mean it because, y'know, it's his own damn blood, but Bruce doesn't have that right. Doesn't get to wash it off, doesn't want to wash it off, and it's his strong point (nobody this damn good at keeping tally of their sins) it's the thing that will kill him (nobody got this much hard hard earned guilt 'round their neck).

Jason presses his thumbnail against Bruce's jugular, and the reach of his fingers looks nonsensical next to the bulk of Bruce's neck, but still the man's breath stutters in response to this thing they've carefully carefully built between them. "First off, babe, I've never once said there wasn't something wrong with you. There's so much that's deeply, intractably wrong with you. You are not regular, you are not normal. None of us expect you to behave the way a regular well-adjusted person should be."

Bruce just grunts, lashes still lowered, demure and gray around the edges, stuffed up with regret and an inability to ease up.

"Secondly, I wasn't bleeding out with a bomb ticking down when you left. I was fine and healthy and whole, in warm jammies in a comfortable bed, and you rightly figured that you could leave me in Alfie's hands while you went and got shit done. When you gotta run for me, you do. Sometimes you don't make it," Jason says, tugging Bruce's hand and resting it on his chest, where a massive scar doesn't rest, "but you're always at least trying. Got plenty for you to beat yourself up over, don't need to be making shit up to add extra."

Bruce finally does look at him, full-on heavy-browed eye-contact. "Glad that you think I'm finally acting like a somewhat reasonable adult." His grip tightens over Jason's shirt. "I don't feel terribly reasonable at the moment. I look at you like this and there's a countdown in my head."

Jason grins, and it's not cute because this isn't a cute conversation. "Well, at worst you got 3 years to figure out how to get better, Bruce." He leans in closer, nuzzles their cheeks together. "I take it you're not a fan of me in this form."

Bruce carefully, tenderly nuzzles back. It's probably not unlike those Cute Animal videos, a panther kowtowing to a bossy tabby cat. "I like the one that came back the best," Bruce says in a quiet murmur. "The you that got to grow up and stayed good and kind despite all of the universe's efforts to the contrary." He chuffs a laugh. "Can't say it didn't feel good to be pursued by the Jason of the present, either. Unfortunately for you, seems like I like my men built solid enough to kill me."

Jason play-snarls, pretends to try and choke Bruce out. "You're such an asshole. Go back to being tormented 'bout how you've failed me, go on. At least you're cute and you're quiet when you're brooding."

Bruce nods along sagely. "Plenty of time yet in the rest of this month for me to put a good brood in. And one more thing, Jason. One more, ah, show of feelings felt."

Jason blinks, a little lost. "The hell are you on about?"

"If this doesn't work, we will not talk about it," Bruce says sternly, before ducking down to kiss Jason very lightly, very sweetly on the lips.

Oh, man, thinks Jason. This exact scenario has played in almost this exact same body, hey. Wait, what did Bruce mean, about feelings-

The combined mass and sudden force of Jason's rapid return to form is enough to destroy the axle of even the BatChair, and they go tumbling down. Damian's pyjamas are tattered beyond repair, torn even further when Jason reaches 'round to cushion Bruce's head before they hit rock(!) bottom(!), and he's Hulked out of his clothes with Bruce in an awkward embrace while a broken chair stabs him in the ass, and all he can see is Bruce's stupid smug face, all he can feel is a rough calloused hand on his autopsy scar, and all he can think of is true love's kiss ass bastard-

God. You can't say they're normal, but you sure can say that when push comes to shove, they sure as shit don't miss.

A/N: ah shit it was supposed to be a little spicy-horny but then it got real depressing but nevertheless kuro hope u enjoyed this!! i think a lot about how conceptually dying isnt worse than being the cause of death!!

#whale writing #jaybru #happy birthday kuro!! #squeaks in just uhhhh after the stroke of midnight #wrote this in one sitting but i did give it a quick lookover #i think i will expand on this more when i prep it for ao3!! #im fr sooooo obsessed w the concept 'who has it worse between the victim and the survivor' and who else does it like brujay!!

[idabbleincrazy]

Never a Wish Better Than This (7/7)

Fandom: Smallville

Rating: E

Pairing: Clex

Characters: Clark, Lex, surprise guest appearance

Word Count: 9346 (8265 without the lyrics)

Warnings: angst, schmoop, fluff, smut, oral, anal fingering, anal, intensely emotional smut, soulmate-ish stuff, So Much Kissing, bottom!Lex, top!Clark, subby!Lex, songfic (kinda)

Summary: Clark surprises Lex. Lex surprises himself.

A/N: and that's one more chapter fic finally finished! Now onto the daunting task of rewriting as much of the rest of the show as possible.

Lex's POV:

Okay, ow. Gee, Lex, yes, let's allow the computer-generated likeness of your boyfriend's biological father to use alien technology to zap a fuckton of Kryptonian (holy shit, that's quick absorption) knowledge into your brain, sounds like a genius idea. 

As the torrent of information dies down, I become aware of Clark's warmth pressing against my back, solid and grounding, his arms wrapped around my waist. When did I fall to my knees? 

"Lex?"

"I'm fine, Clark." Fuck, wish my voice sounded more steady. I turn my head to look at him, the newly gained knowledge of just how spectacular Clark really is, even more than I'd already figured, making my head spin with the scientific possibilities. Have to clamp down on all that, though. Mustn't treat the love of your life like a lab rat, Lex. I push aside the thoughts of experiments and underground laboratories, and press my hand to the side of his face. "You really are amazing, Clark."

There's that blush I love so much. 

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Other than the start of what's promising to be a fuckingly awful headache? Yes, I'm alright."

"Yeah, I think the only time I've ever had a real, lasting, migraine was when the A.I. did the same thing to me."

I frown at him as he stands up, pulling me up with him. 

"So, it's not just Kryptonite that can affect you physically?"

"You know about that now, huh?"

I nod, thinking. Knowledge is power, and now I don't know if I trust myself to keep from letting this much power corrupt me. 

"Look, Clark, maybe this wasn't such a good idea, after all. I mean, sure, it gives a lot of clarity to the things that have happened these last four years; your little walk on the wild side and all that, but…Clark, what if I'm more like my father than I thought? What if I'm worse? I don't want to hurt you, Clark, but what if I really am the villain of the story?"

My heart clenches at the look he gives me just before he envelopes me in his strong embrace. His mouth is just centimeters from my ear as he shushes me. 

"You won't, Lex. I won't let you." He pressed a soft kiss to my cheek before pulling back, his bright, green gaze locking onto mine, full of promises. "Sure, you could hurt me now, physically. But you always had the ability to hurt me emotionally, and you've never done anything that couldn't be forgiven. We've hurt each other, Lex, without even meaning to, with our secrets and lies, and going behind each other's backs. We're still here, together. Because, ultimately, neither of us has given in to what's expected of us."

God, I don't deserve him, this incredible, beautiful being who somehow believes in me, despite everything. Staring back at him, I feel the bond now, like a pulsing thread stretching between us. During the transfer, I saw the other threads to his potential lovers, coiling out around Smallville, and beyond. Lana, of course, and Chloe. I wasn't surprised to learn of Kyla and Alicia, their threads now severed, laying dark and still. I was, however, surprised by Pete and Lois both having a connection, though Pete's appeared very weak and frayed, whether by physical distance or emotional, I was unsure. Chloe's thread gave off less of a thrum than Lois and Lana's, less like a lover, rather, more like a true confidante, and it made me wonder how much she knew about Clark. Lana's thread, though slightly frayed, still fought to maintain its connection, and Lois' seemed somewhat muted, like there was a resistance being enacted upon it from one side or the other. 

It worried me a little, that these connections still stood. Yes, Clark chose me, and I, him, but any one of these other potentials would be so much safer. 

I'm a Luthor, dammit. Luthors don't second-guess themselves. Luthors have conviction. We make a decision and stand by it, to the end. You love Clark, and would do anything for him.

But what does a Luthor know of love? Luthors hurt and betray, pretend affection to get what they want from people, use them to further their own end. I've fucked endless numbers of people, but I've never cared about them, about their wants and needs and feelings.

Ah, but you did once, didn't you? That first time. You loved him, and would've done anything for him, too.

And that worked out so well, didn't it? Those blue, too blue, eyes flash through my memory with a sting of betrayal. He hurt me, deeply, what's to stop Clark from doing the same thing?

You don't really believe that, do you? Do you really think him capable of inflicting such pain?

No. I don't. And that's what matters, isn't it? I snap myself out of my inner contemplation and pull Clark into a deep, searching kiss. I find my strength, my conviction, in that kiss, his tongue twining with mine, his hands flexing, oh, so carefully, at my waist. Breathless, I break the kiss, pressing my forehead to his, just holding on to him.

"I don't deserve you, Clark Kent."

"Hey, don't talk like that. You deserve love, and I will make you see that. Where'd you go just now?"

"Nowhere, Clark." I disentangle myself from his arms, looking around at the cavern. The hewn-rock table with the element I'd found in Egypt set in the center beckons me, another secret, another temptation. I know enough now to know it wasn't actually Clark who betrayed me with that theft, that Jor-El had been steering him. It can wait. "I know there's still a lot about this place to discuss and explore, but, Clark, can we just go? That transfer, it's taken a lot outta me."

"Oh. Sure. You're okay, though? This was a pretty big step."

"I assure you, I'm alright. I just need time for everything to sort itself out in there." Letting him lead the way back through the passageways, I toss him the key to the Porsche. "You drive back, though, okay?"

"Really?! You're gonna let me drive one of your babies?"

"I trust you, Clark. More than I've ever trusted anyone."

Clark's face crinkles in a grimace at my harken back to the day he came to borrow the red Ferrari. 

"I wasn't exactly myself that day, you get that, right?"

I nod in understanding, all too aware of the truth behind that incident. 

"Red Kryptonite makes you a little uninhibited, doesn't it?"

"Something like that."

"Hey, it's not like I've never done drugs. I get it, and it's okay, Clark." I watch as Clark closes the hidden cavern back up without so much as a goodbye to his father's…memory? I'm definitely going to have to look into that further; I don't fully trust that the A.I. has Clark's best interest in mind in its actions. "Come on, Clark, let's get back to the farm. The sooner we get there, the more time we'll have alone in your little loft."

Clark flashes a smirk to mirror mine and we walk out into the midday sun, leaving me blinking against it as my eyes adjust. I look over at him as we head back to the car, wonder sinking in at the realization that it's our yellow sun that strengthens him, gives him his amazing abilities. Weird to think that on his planet, he would be just, average. Clark Kent and average should never belong in the same sentence. 

Clark's POV:

Jeez. I knew Lex was going to take a bit of work, but I don't think I was expecting it to be this bad. He just doesn't see himself the way I do. He sees the man everyone else thinks he is, a carbon-copy of his dad. He's always so confident and sophisticated on the outside that I've forgotten about those glimpses I've seen of the insecure, yet hopeful, young man he is underneath the Luthor-scion façade. I haven't forgotten about the incident with the black Kryptonite, I haven't forgotten about how truly dark and twisted Lex has the capability to become, but I also remember how good his other side was. I remember how he tried to save me from himself, how he was willing to die along with the other Lex, just to keep me from harm. There is the capacity for terrible evil within him, as there is in most of us, but like most people, there is also the capacity for great kindness. I've seen how caring he can be.

I saw it when he fought against his father and worked out a way to lower operation costs rather than laying off a couple hundred people who were dependent on their jobs at the plant. I saw it when he did everything in his considerable power to try to save Ryan. I saw it when he paid off my parents' mortgage to keep us from losing the farm, even though he'd barely been back from his honeymoon from hell for barely a day, and the only thing he'd asked in return was to be treated, not like a Luthor, but like a Kent. I saw it when he took responsibility for his company's R&D mishap, giving himself up as guinea pig for an antidote that could have killed him. He's done so much for this town, with so little thanks in return. I know who Lex Luthor really is, I just have to make him see it, too. 

I know he still has things he hasn't told me, but I'm not going to push. He'll tell me in his own time, or he won't, but I trust him to not do anything that would end up hurting me or the people I care about. I have to believe in that. Having faith in someone isn't about making that choice after knowing all the facts, it's about making a conscious decision to trust them even when you're in the dark. He loves me, and that's something Lex Luthor doesn't do easily, or halfway. And that knowledge is enough for now. 

As I pull up the drive to the barn, I realize we still haven't gotten around to discussing the us part of our relationship. With the revelation of my apparent ability to forge a more-than-figurative bond, that kinda took a backseat. I'm not completely sure what this connection between us entails, but it's going to take another trip to the cave and a lengthy conversation with Jor-El to figure it out, so I put a pin in it for now. I still have my surprise waiting inside, and I think Lex needs it now more than ever. Grand gestures go a long way with him, after all.

I shift into park and kill the ignition before looking over at Lex, who has been unnaturally silent on the trip back. I don't think he even sees what he's looking at beyond the passenger window. I know it was a lot of information to take in all at once like that, probably even more so for a human brain, but I don't think his thoughts are really on my Kryptonian heritage. Well, self-reflection can come later; I put a lot of work into getting this just right and I'm not going to let Lex's doubts about himself rain on my parade. I take his hand in mine, feeling him startle slightly as I drag him from his introspection, and there's an almost deer-in-the-headlights look on his face when he turns to look at me. 

"Hey, it'll all work out, Lex, trust me. I believe in us."

"I do trust you, Clark. After that, how can I not? It's…it's me I'm not so sure about."

I don't know whether to shake him until he sees sense or fold him into my embrace like a swaddled infant in need of comfort, so I settle for somewhere in-between, pulling him halfway across the center console and crushing my mouth to his. I pour as much meaning into the kiss as I can, hoping he feels the love and trust I have for him. With a gentle, if somewhat annoyed, nip to his bottom lip, I push him back into his seat, slightly smug at his gasping pants for breath. I hadn't even used tongue.

"You're a good man, Lex Luthor. Anyone who actually bothers to get to know you can see that. And, I don't care how long it takes, I will make you see it, too." Unbuckling my seatbelt, I toss him the keys and start to step out of the car, trusting him to follow me instinctively. "But, not today. Today, I have something a lot better planned than trying to convince one of the most stubborn people in the world of their real worth."

He frowns at the dig, but falls into step beside me as we walk through the barn door. At the foot of the stairs, I stop him, pulling him against me, back to chest. 

"Trust me?"

He cranes his head back around to give me a put-upon look. 

"Clark…"

"Indulge me."

Huffy sigh and an eye roll, as expected.

"I trust you, Clark."

"Good." 

I press a quick kiss to his cheek and cover his eyes with one hand, the other dropping to his waist to keep him close. I guide him up the stairs without a stumble and lead him to the center of the loft.

"Clark, what's with the subterfuge? Come on, let me see, already."

There's a lightness to his voice that wasn't there when we left the car. Good. No Debbie Downers allowed. I remove my hand from over his eyes and step back, releasing my hold on him. 

He turns slowly, taking in the sight of the rearranged and redecorated loft, a confused, wide-eyed wonder growing on his face. 

The Look to the Stars banner I managed to find stashed away in the school's supply closet is stretched across one wall. Glittery streamers and twinkling lights hung from the ceiling, their effect slightly muted by the sunlight streaming in through the window, but still glinting and casting shadows around us. The furniture is all pushed back against the back wall, leaving the majority of the floor bare. I couldn't risk using mom's punch bowl that she uses during the holidays, but there were a few snacks and drinks set up on the coffee table. 

"Clark, what - what is all this?"

"Kinda thought it wasn't completely fair that the man who paid for the band didn't get to see them play, y'know?" I speed over to the table and back before he can really register that I even moved, a small remote in my hand. "Prom was great, Dawn's ghostly antics aside, I got to dance with Lana, and it was just like I had spent years dreaming it would be. But, something was missing."

I press a button on the remote, and music rings out from the speakers hidden away in the shadowy corners of the ceiling. Pocketing the remote, I reach out a hand to Lex.

"Can I have this dance?"

Wordlessly, he places his hand in mine, letting me take the lead as I pull him in close. His hands wrap around my shoulders and mine around his waist, and we begin a simple sway to the music, his face tilted up towards mine, eyes bright in the light reflecting around us.

What day is it

And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive

I can't keep up, and I can't back down

I've been losing so much time

I've only known Lex for less than five years, but I feel as though I've known him all my life. Like my life didn't really start until I met him. I spent the last four years and eight months unsure of myself, and unable to admit who I really am. The last twenty-four hours have been the best, most freeing, hours of my life, and I mourn all the hours between that moment on the river bank and now. I just need to make him understand. He's not the only one struggling here, not the only one who's vulnerable.

"You've done so much for other people, Lex, without even being asked, without even caring about the recognition. I mean, who even pays what was probably an ungodly amount of money to fly a real, popular, band out to the middle of nowhere for a high school dance, unbidden? I wouldn't have even known that you organized it if Chloe hadn't told me."

'Cause it's you and me

And all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to lose

And it's you and me

And all of the people

And I don't know why

I can't keep my eyes off of you

"I did it for you, you know. I wanted your high school experience to be complete." He's still staring at me, wide-eyed and marveling. His voice is soft, almost below my range of hearing, like he doesn't know if he wants me to hear it. "I skipped my prom. I couldn't very well show up with the one person I really wanted to, and none of the girls from our sister school seemed an acceptable replacement. I'm not very fond of what I remember of that night. This…this is better."

"It's better for me, too. 'Cause it's you."

What are the things that I want to say

Just aren't coming out right?

I'm tripping on words

You got my head spinning

I don't know where to go from here

"Clark," his voice so raw, trembling, and I've never heard it that way, not even last night, when we were stripped bare in every way. "I'm…I'm not good at this. At relationships, at love. And I love you, more than I've ever loved anyone, or anything in this fucking world. But I - Clark, I don't know how - how to do this, how to love you and not hurt you and not be afraid of being hurt."

'Cause it's you and me

And all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to prove

And it's you and me

And all of the people

And I don't know why

I can't keep my eyes off of you

God, I love this man in my arms. I want to show him what I see, but I don't know how to put it any plainer than I already have. I hate the world that has made him so jaded and scared so young. We've stopped moving, just staring at each other as the song continues on, neither of us blinking for long stretches of time.

"You do, Lex. I've seen it. When you're not trying to be the man your father spent years trying to mold you into. When you're completely yourself, you're one of the best people I know." 

There's something about you now

That I can't quite figure out

Everything she does is beautiful

Everything she does is right

"Just…help me? If-if I fuck up, if I slip into that man I don't want to be?"

'Cause it's you and me

And all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to lose

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why

I can't keep my eyes off of you and me

And all of the people with nothing to do

Nothing to prove

And it's you and me and all of the people

And I don't know why

I can't keep my eyes off of you

"Always, Lex. We balance each other. That's what people who are meant to be together do."

What day is it?

And in what month?

This clock never seemed so alive

The song ends, and I release him, reaching for the remote and stopping the music before the next song begins, needing the silence. Until this moment, I hadn't decided on whether to give him this next part of the surprise or to wait until we were more settled. I know now, there will be no moment better than this. Forcing myself not to speed, I cross back over to the makeshift refreshment table and pick up the metal box I had hidden behind a bag of chips. Lana had wondered why I asked for it back after all this time, but she accepted my bumbling explanation with the same grace she always does, even through the glint of sadness that flashed behind her eyes when she handed over the lead box made from St. George's armor. I think she sensed the finality of the dance between us as she placed it into my waiting hand. If she ever sees the box in Lex's possession, I don't think it would take her long to put two and two together. 

Fingering the blunt spikes lined along the sides nervously, I start the music again, leaving the remote on the table, and cross back to where Lex is still standing, waiting, his eyes flitting down to the box and back up to mine in confusion.

Lex's POV:

How many times can a person be overwhelmed with emotion in such a short span of time? I had expected Clark to lead me up here for some simple, distracting, fooling around before running the risk of being caught by either elder Kent or the ever-nosy Ms. Lane. Not this. No one's ever done anything like this for me. 

I'm confused by the St. George box in his hands, and the opening strains of guitar coming from the speakers makes my heart clench slightly in trepidation. Whatever's inside is obviously important, like every moment of the last twenty-four hours has been. 

Desperate for changing, starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started, I'm chasing after you

The funny thing is, I'd never even heard of Lifehouse until I started searching for the perfect band to play at Clark's prom. Chloe had given me a burned cd of the most popular alt rock and pop songs of the last four years, and the second I'd heard You and Me, I knew they were it. My decision had been cemented after I did a bit of research and came across a few more of their singles that seemed like someone had gained insider information on just how deeply my feelings for Clark ran. I'd listened to them so many times, their words were imprinted at the back of my brain. Wonder how  much it would cost to keep them on retainer.

"I thought you gave that to Lana?"

"I did. I thought it was time it was returned to its rightful owner, along with something else I once mistook as being meant for her."

Clark handed me the box, and I opened it warily, wondering if it was perhaps some kind of test involving Kryptonite. Instead of a green, glowing meteorite, within the lead box, lay a thick-banded silver bracelet with a diamond-shaped, blue-hued opal delicately placed within the circular cutout in its center. 

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held on to

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

"This…Clark, isn't this the bracelet from the cave drawing? The one with the girl?"

Clark stepped closer and carefully, almost reverently, plucked the bracelet from the box, letting the gem catch the light and throw it back across the room, dazzling me even further. 

"According to the Kawatche legend, this is meant to be given by Naman to the one he's destined to be with." He hesitates, his fingers tracing around the pattern pressed into the edges of the silver. "Over the two years I've had this, I almost gave this to three other people; Kyla, Lana, and Alicia, but something held me back. I'll always miss Kyla and Alicia, always regret that we didn't get to follow things to a natural conclusion, but I don't think either of those relationships would have ended any differently than it did with Lana, even with them knowing about my abilities. You don't have to wear it, obviously, but if I am Naman, then, Segeeth or not, this belongs to you."

Forgetting all I'm lacking, completely incomplete

I'll take your invitation, you take all of me now

I take the proffered bracelet from him, my fingers lingering as they brush over his. Setting the box down on the floor, I pointedly clamp the bracelet around my wrist, the open ends just lightly touching to mold almost perfectly to the shape of my wrist. I can see the emotions swimming in his eyes, a surge of unexpected confidence washing through me. Clark loves me, trusts me despite everything. 

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held on to

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and not quite sure where to go

And I don't know what I'm diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with you

"I'd be honored to wear it whenever I can, Clark." I wish my voice didn't sound so raw in my own ears. "Sometimes, it's better not to fight destiny."

There's nothing else to lose, there's nothing else to find

There's nothing in the world that can change my mind

There is nothing else

There is nothing else

There is nothing else

The smile he flashes is stunningly bright, a shaky laugh falling from his lips, and I can't help but pull him to me. 

Desperate for changing, starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started, I'm chasing after you

I feel his arms slip back around me as I capture his mouth, sealing all the promises we've made each other today, both spoken and silent. My lips part under his as he takes control of the kiss, my eyes falling shut. 

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held on to

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and not quite sure where to go

And I don't know what I'm diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with you

At the first touch of his tongue against mine, I moan, my nascent arousal surging startlingly back into overdrive. As he clutches me close, I can feel the evidence of his own desire pressing against my hip and I can't help but buck up into the girth of him. I want him now. In me. Even more than I did last night. I feel like I've woken up on that river bank all over again, a rush of renewed life flowing through me, the lips of an angel, my angel, breathing his essence into my lungs to lead to redemption. 

Just hanging by a moment

Hanging by a moment here with you

Hanging by a moment

Hanging by a moment here with you

As the song trails down to an end, I break the kiss, feeling slightly off-kilter.

"Uh, Clark, we're floating again." 

I can't help but laugh at his sheepish look. At least nothing caught fire. The next song starts as we touch back down upon the wooden slats of the loft, and I sober quickly. 

A strangled smile fell from your face

What kills me that I hurt you this way

The worst part is that I didn't even know

Now there's a million reasons for you to go

But if you can find a reason to stay

"Is there still time before anyone comes back, Clark?"

He casts a quick look out the window, and I can see the laser-focus in his eyes as he scans the distance.

"Plenty. Dad's busy enough for the next couple hours, at least, and mom's just now going on break with Lois at the Talon." He crushes his lips back to mine, and he seems to be just as hungry for it as I am, a big hand sliding around my head to keep me from pulling away too quickly. I gasp into his mouth at the feel of his thumb caressing over the bump at the base of my skull, the gentle touch an unexpected shock to my system. "What do you want, Lex? Hmm? Want me to suck you off properly this time, baby? Wanna fuck me? God, I just, I love you so much, Lex. So beautiful, inside and out. Want to make you see that. Anything, baby, just tell me."

"I want you in me again, Clark. Need it." I'm moaning in-between kisses, grinding up into the hand that slides teasingly over my crotch. Turning my face into the curve of his shoulder, I let the fear seep out. "Fuck, please, baby, show me. Show me how much you love me. Show me what I'm fighting against the Luthor name for. God, Clark, I don't know how to be that man you see, but I want to. I want to be worthy of you."

"Dammit, Lex, you already are. Just by being here, by trying even though you're afraid."

I'll do whatever it takes

To turn this around

I know what's at stake

I know that I've let you down

In a whirl of air, Clark is gone, leaving me feeling bereft. The tortuous emotion is fleeting, as he is back in front of me, taking my hand again and leading me over to a shadowed corner of the loft where there's an impromptu set-up of blankets and pillows. 

I expected another mad rush to nudity, but he simply dips his head to brush his lips against my own as his fingers untangle from mine, sliding up my arms and across my shoulders, down my chest to the hem of my shirt. Thumbs caress briefly over my abdomen before he slowly tugs the shirt up, my arms raising without thought for him to pull the slightly sweat-dampened cotton over my head. 

I've never been undressed by a lover like this. So reverently, like unveiling my pale, nearly hairless, skin was something to be savored rather than a means to an end. Clark's kissing me again, a slow, sweeping exploration of my mouth that exudes such a quiet desperation that I can't even try to fight against it, merely allow it. 

When he finally relinquishes my mouth, I tug his shirt off, eyes roaming over golden skin that should never have to be covered by a single stitch. My hands join in, running slowly over dips and planes, my head starting to follow their path until Clark stops me with his forefinger under my chin, nudging me back up. 

And if you give me a chance

Believe that I can change

I'll keep us together

Whatever it takes

A whisper of a kiss to my lips before that sweet, sinful mouth of his starts a trail along my jaw, down my throat, feather-light, his hands sliding up my sides and over my chest. His lips work their way across one shoulder, tongue sliding slowly over the freckles I know are there. I swallow hard, trying to will away the tremble I feel running through me, my hands clenching lightly on his hips as he travels along my collarbone to the other shoulder, teeth clamping, oh so gently, over the skin stretched tight across bone. 

I watch the top of his head as he continues his downward path, kissing and licking, tasting, every bit of me he comes in contact with, thumbs sliding up to scrape over my nipples, sending a jolt of electricity straight to my aching cock.

A broken moan escapes me, and Clark's dips briefly into my navel, swirling erotically around the indent before kneeling on the hard wooden floor. His eyes raise back to mine, deep pools of onyx within thin rings of emerald, and I want to capture that look in stone, in something I can wear, always, and remember this moment. This instant, with his head upturned to watch me watching him, his hands slipping down to the waist of my jeans, fingers easing the button through its hole, sliding the zipper down so excruciatingly slowly that I swear I hear each tooth parting.

She said if we're gonna make this work

You gotta let me inside even though it hurts

Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see

Fly open, he groans softly as he discovers I've gone commando, pressing his face into the sparse russet curls and inhaling deeply, the movement visible in the muscles of his bare back. So close to freedom from its denim confines and Clark's mouth, I feel a spurt of pre-cum ooze from my cock, so much like Pavlov's dog drooling at the sound of the bell. Addicted to him already. Hands slide down my legs, and I curve forward slightly, my hands now on his shoulders to stabilize myself as he lifts first one foot, then the other, removing shoes and socks before pulling my jeans down, helping me step out of them.

Face back on mine as his hands wrap around my hips and he leans forward, engulfing me in the heat of his mouth. Swallows me down in one slick slide of lips and tongue, until I'm pressing at the back of his throat. It takes everything in my vast well of willpower not to tear my gaze away from his, let my head fall back on my shoulders, as he shifts me back and forth, guiding my hips into a steady, if too slow, pace. Christ, too much and not enough, and this is not the way it's supposed to be, so sweet and gentle and not at all the overwhelming and almost brutal taking of last night. 

Not supposed to go this way. Never has. No one has ever been so gentle, so passionate, so caring, not with me. Not even…no. Blink away the memory of blue eyes and swim in the green staring up at me. I don't deserve this, this barrier-breaking affection and selfless attention as he lets me take over, thrusting down his throat, his jaw going slack to take me so completely, lips brushing against the sensitive skin at the base of my cock with every push in. I'm a Luthor, and this is not what Luthors are given, never willingly, not with such blind trust and complete faith, never when it isn't a well-masked lie paid for exorbitantly.

A sound like a sob slips past my lips before I can choke it back, sight momentarily blurry until I can blink away the salt sting. Clark's face changes minutely, just enough to show it didn't escape his scrutiny. His hands tighten on my hips just enough to halt me mid-thrust. One last, slow, backward pull along the shaft of my throbbing cock before he releases it from its newly found haven.

She said like it or not it's the way it's gotta be

You've gotta love yourself if you can ever love me

His mouth shapes into those two lines of verse, and a shudder wracks through me, and my eyes fall shut, trying to block out the world, him. 

"I…I don't know if I can." I wrench my eyes open again, hand sliding up into Clark's hair, tugging forcefully, enough that it would hurt anyone else to resist. He gets the demand behind the action, allows me to pull him up to standing, to guide his mouth to mine in a kiss that rattles me more than it does him. Tongues overlapping, sweeping into each other's mouths, his hands still tight on my hips, and I moan desperately against his lips as my cock drags over the rough denim of his jeans. "Teach me, Clark, show me how. Make me trust myself the way you trust me, the way I trust you."

I'll do whatever it takes

To turn this around

I know what's at stake

I know that I've let you down

And if you give me a chance

And give me a break

I'll keep us together

Without breaking the kiss completely, Clark manages to maneuver us down onto the pile of bedding, the remainder of his clothing lost in the transition from standing to stretched out above me. No thought involved as legs spread wide to accommodate the span of his waist between them as he settles, the brush of his cock against mine making me pulse again, slicking the slide as he rocks into me. 

My hands fall away from him to stretch above my head in surrender, (when had I even given in so completely?), as he pulls back slightly, his face more serious and open than I remember ever seeing it. A bottle of lube from fuck knows where, wetting fingers that disappear between us as I keep my gaze on him. Gasp out a breath when his hand grazes my aching cock for the briefest moment before continuing its way further down, my legs spreading wider, hips canting up, as slippery fingers slide over that sensitive bit of skin behind my balls and down, between, there. Flicker of heat in Clark's eyes as the pad of a finger finds that furled ring of muscle, only the merest circling needed before it relaxes, welcoming the intrusion. 

Years of sex without bottoming, without another man's fingers inside me, and after just one time with him, already it feels so natural, opening to him, giving him this part of me. And so different than last night, my urgent, raw need for more and more, replaced with a connoisseur's appreciation of his quickly learned skill. Savoring the way he eases his forefinger into me, his free hand at my hip, pinning me to the floor, the disallowment of movement allowing me to just lay there, just let myself really feel it, the way I never have before. It's…transcendent. His eyes, boring into mine, willing me to understand, to see myself the way he does. 

I'd let the knowledge of the literal bond between us fade into the background once we'd arrived at the barn, distracted by all of - this. I feel it again, now, a thrum running between us, and I can't help but gasp. 

"Clark." God, my voice has never sounded so ragged in my own ears, my breath coming out in short, audible huffs, and I have a flash of fear that my asthma has suddenly returned under the strain of so much emotion after years of denial. "Oh, God, please."

Another finger slips into me, Clark's head dipping down to brush his lips over mine as the digits stroke and stretch. There's no burn to it, surprisingly, even though I know my accelerated healing would have undone nearly all of last night's work by now. Just the slightest pinch as muscle loosens, and then pleasure, pure and honest pleasure. I feel the steady drip of pre-cum slicking my stomach as he thrusts slowly, have to fight the urge to reach down and touch, knowing it probably would bring this all to an embarrassingly quick end. I've made sex last for hours before cumming even once, but with him, it's just. Right. There. He tests my stamina and will with every touch, every look. 

I know you deserve much better

Remember the time I told you the way that I felt

And that I'd be lost without you and never find myself

Let's hold onto each other above everything else

Start over, start over

A few more strokes, and a third finger wiggles in, slightly snug, but still painless. I can tell he's deliberately avoiding my prostate, attempting to make this the least difficult for me that he can. I know there's wetness shining in the corners of my eyes, and know he notices it when his brow furrows minutely. Thankfully, he doesn't break the silence he's kept since he started stripping me bare. 

Barely notice the addition of his pinky, and I swear, he could fist me right now, and it wouldn't be any more difficult than the slight tug of skin as it's stretched taut around the breadth of his knuckles. If this moment wasn't so enthralling, if his face weren't so intently solemn, I might have begged for it. As it is, I already feel so completely owned, a realization that should have alarmed someone so thoroughly un-ownable as me. He's claimed me, through and through; I will never find this myriad swirl of emotions in the attentions of anyone else, even if I searched across the entire universe. God, I want to be worthy of this man, and he believes I already am. Fuck. I'm going to have to make some enormous changes in LuthorCorp. 

To turn this around

I'll do whatever it takes

I know what's at stake

I know that I've let you down

And if you give me a chance

Believe that I can change

I'll keep us together

Whatever it takes

One more deep, gentle stroke, and suddenly gone. Empty for the briefest second, barely enough to voice a mournfully breathy, pathetic, sound of disappointment, before the thick tip of his cock is breaching me. None of that hesitancy of night, no need for guidance, just the slow, steady slide of steel-hard flesh. Hand no longer pinning me in place, and my legs shift to brace against his sides as he stretches back out over me, hands wrapping firmly around my forearms, bracing us both. Feeling of fullness as he bottoms out, and a flare of light and heat from the band of silver clamped around my wrist.

Clark's POV:

Y'know, one of these days I'm going to have sex with Lex where he doesn't shed a single tear. It better be soon, or I'm gonna end up with some kind of complex. But, unlike last night's mystery tear, these don't seem borne of pain, more like a cleansing. Like he's finally just letting it all wash over him, soak in, and maybe it will scour away the doubt and fear he has of himself. I don't know how much clearer I can be on how I feel about him, about my trust in him to be his own Lex, not the carbon-copy Lionel tried so hard to shape him into. I don't have any more words, action is all that's left, and if the damp streaks down his cheeks are anything to go by, there's been at least some headway.

Find me here and speak to me

I want to feel you, I need to hear you

You are the light that's leading me

To the place where I find peace again

I'm not sure if he can even hear the music anymore, hard to tell what's making it past the intense focus he has trained on our lovemaking. I'll be sure to play this one again, repeatedly, just to make sure he gets the message. 

The feel of him around me, under me, is even more incredible than before. More than just giving into our lust for each other, this is Lex, the most willful, independent person I know, seeking guidance, asking me for help, for strength. And how could I ever deny him?

You are the strength that keeps me walking

You are the hope that keeps me trusting

You are the life to my soul

You are my purpose, you're everything

Taking the flare of light from the bracelet as a good sign, since it doesn't seem to be hurting Lex, I ease my way back, feeling my cock drag through the clenching passage. Nearly out of him as my hands slide down his arms to link my fingers through his, bracing, claiming. Slow push back into the twitching hole that opens so willingly for me, makes it so easy to be careful. 

And how can I stand here with you

And not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be

Any better than this?

Yeah

I feel a thrum run through me, spreading out from my chest, down and outward towards Lex, like the brief connection I felt in the caves when Jor-El was transferring information into his mind. I'll have to ask Lex some time if he senses it, too. Later. Much later. 'Cause, God, not sure if I can utter anything more coherent than his name between the groans I can't hold in. 

Watery smile on his face now, small, but significant all the same, considering the startled look in his eyes. His legs lifting, wrapping around my thighs, heels digging into my ass, a wordless plea for more. And how can I deny him anything right now, with him all open and vulnerable and willing to let me be in control? 

You calm the storms and you give me rest

You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall

You still my heart and you take my breath away

Would you take me in, take me deeper now?

I make a quick sweep over his lithe, pale body, unable not to notice the weeping, reddened cock twitching against his stomach, its contrast that much more obvious as he strains to stay still beneath me. I pull one hand free from his as I thrust slowly, deeply into him, my fingers trailing down his arm and over to his throat, thumb tracing along his jaw. Dipping my head to capture his mouth, my hand slides down to pluck briefly at his nipple, causing Lex to moan into my mouth, before gripping around his thigh, hiking the flexing limb higher up my back. The new position lets me slip deeper into him, and Lex wrenches away from the kiss, his head arching back with a jagged keen. 

And how can I stand here with you

And not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be

Any better than this?

Rubbing my hand over his upper thigh like I'm soothing a startled horse, I thrust again, keeping aim on his prostate now that I've found it. 

"Clark! Please…I - oh, God, don't - don't stop. Don't ever stop."

And how can I stand here with you

And not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be

Any better than this?

And this, this is what was missing last night. Pure, raw need, untempered by the haze of lust and four years worth of jerk-off fantasies. That was rutting, animalistic and dirty in all the best ways, but this. This is something more. Divine. 

Lex's free hand clutches around my neck, fingers twining into my hair, his other clutching my hand tight, nails trying to dig into flesh. Pressed against him like this, I can feel his cock throb, feel the slick warmth as another spurt of pre-cum rushes out. He's sobbing softly, his head turning away into the pillows. I bury my face in the curve of his throat, inhaling the sweat-slick scent of him, and wish I could mark him visibly, worry that bit of flesh between my teeth and show the world that he is mine. This beautiful, fractured, amazing, human is mine. 

You're everything, everything

'Cause you're all I want, you're all I need

You're all I want, you're all I need

You're everything, everything

You're all I want, you're all I need

You're everything, everything

You're all I want, you're all I need

Everything, everything

Tangled around each other, we fall into a rhythm, his body arching up into mine as I thrust into him. As slow as I've kept the pace, I can still feel my orgasm rushing towards me sooner than I thought possible. Lex flexes, his ass clenching around me, and I know it's a losing battle. 

And how can I stand here with you

And not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be

Any better than this?

"I love you, Lex. So much. God, you're beautiful, baby, just…perfect. Look at me, Lex." I watch his eyes close for a moment, some internal war taking place, before he turns his face back to mine. Jesus, he's breathtaking like this, all his walls down, and it's like I can see straight into his soul, flawed and perfect at the same time. "No matter what happens, I'll never feel like this with anyone else. I chose you before I even knew there was a choice to make."

And how can I stand here with you

And not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be

Any better, any better than this?

Lex's hand slides around to cup my face, his eyes boring into mine. My thrusts stilled, my cock protesting the sudden lack of friction.

"I-I can't promise I'll never fail you, Clark, but I promise to never stop trying. Since the day of the meteor shower, my life has felt…disconnected, incomplete." Lex let out a soft laugh, his warm breath ghosting over my lips as I stared down at him. "That feeling disappeared the moment I woke up on the riverbank, and saw the eyes of an angel looking down at me."

And how can I stand here with you

And not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be

Any better than this?

He drew me into a deep, sensual kiss before I could respond. Not that I'm sure I would have been able to say anything more impressive than 'wow'. If there had been any lingering doubt that maybe there was someone out there better suited to me, that squashed it. Lex is only human, to expect him not to fail at some point, to never slip back into the darkness that had surrounded him for so long, would be naïve. But, even if he does take a wrong turn on his path, I know now that he'll let me help lead him back in the right direction. As he kissed me, he writhed against me, thrusting down on my cock, urging me back into action. 

"God", he whispered against my lips, voice rough and so thoroughly erotic. "Need to cum, Clark. Make me cum, baby."

And that was it. The tenuous hold I had on my own arousal snapped. With a deep groan that almost sounded like a growl in my ears, I clutched Lex to me as I began a faster pace, my tongue thrusting into his mouth in a mirror of my cock. I could feel my climax racing closer, my balls pulling up tight, that electric tingle pooling at the base of my spine.

Orgasm looming, and wanting Lex right there with me, I slid my hand up from his leg to wrap around his cock, swallowing his moans as I started stroking the thick shaft. It doesn't take much, a few firm strokes, my thumb brushing over the head of his cock in time with each nudge of my own against his prostate, and he stiffens beneath me. Bottomed out within him, his cry of pleasure smothered within my mouth, I feel the surge of warmth rush over my hand and against our stomachs as he cums. His nails are scraping at my impenetrable skin, tugging at my hair, and his internal muscles are clamping down on me, tight enough to actually register beyond my invulnerability. All senses narrowed down to Lex, the scent of his cum, the taste of his tongue on mine, the sound and feel of him coming completely undone. It's enough to send me falling over the edge just behind him, pulsing inside him, the backflow of my cum slicking my already sticky cock as I continue thrusting into him, riding him through our mutual release. 

Would you tell me how could it be

Any better than this?

Panting heavily, half-sobs hiccuping throughout, Lex goes limp in my embrace the instant his climax ends, limbs unwinding from their tangle around my body to flop unceremoniously to the floor. If he weren't so devastatingly beautiful like this, it would almost be comical. As it is, the sight of him as I open my eyes, all sprawled out and attempting to recover his wits, tear tracks down his cheeks and lips red and slightly puffy from abuse, leaves me breathless as I freeze above him, two last, powerful spurts of cum emptying into him.

"Lex," and Christ, my voice is raspy in my own ears as I finally speak, barely remembering not to just flop down on top of him. "You okay?"

He hums in acknowledgement, pulling me down onto him, seeking comfort as he comes back to himself. My deflating cock slips out of his stretched hole on a rush of wet warmth, and I can't even find it in myself to care about the mess that's going to leave. Plenty of time to hide the blanket in the laundry later. Lex snuggles into me as I roll us onto our sides, my hand rubbing down his back soothingly. Distantly, I notice the CD has started back at the beginning and the soft sound of Lex's voice singing along draws my gaze to his face. 

"Seriously, Lex. That was…intense…are you sure you're alright?"

"I will be. Trust me, Clark, I'm good at compartmentalizing. I just want to be here, with you, right now. I'll process it all later."

I sigh and give him a wary look as he gives me a quick kiss before pulling himself upright, looking around us for his discarded clothes. 

"Okay, but…promise me, if you start having some kind of freak-out, all alone in that empty castle of yours, surrounded by…everything…call me? I'll hear you, even without a phone, and I'll be there in seconds. You don't have to go through this alone, Lex. This is new, and scary, exciting, but scary, for me, too. We have to navigate this together."

I know Lex. I know, that left to his own devices, with no one to confide in, to work things out with, he'll internalize everything and let his own doubts override everything else. And that could never lead anywhere good.

Lex smiles down at me as he stands, reaching out a hand to pull me up with him. There's a lot going on behind those bright blue eyes, but I see the walls falling back into place, shuttering away the deep turmoil that had been there before. He pulls me into a tight hug, briefly nuzzling his nose into my neck.

"I promise, Clark."

Lex releases me and starts rooting around for his jeans. I have to look away when he bends down to retrieve them, my spent cock twitching interestedly at the sight of his ass, the light glistening on the trails of cum wetting the backs of his thighs. Busying myself with my own redressing distracts my teenage libido enough that I'm not too uncomfortable by the time I pull my zipper up.

Once we're both dressed, I pull him into my arms, my eyes roving over his face, memorizing. There's still a bit of openness there, enough to see the determination to succeed cementing within him. When a Luthor sets themself on a goal, it's like a dog with a bone. A soft smile twists my lips as I dip my head to capture his mouth, my tongue soothing over his kiss-bruised lips before delving between them.

I'm so focused on Lex, his taste and the scent of his sweat and cum still filling my senses, I barely hear the soft gasp over the sound of his moan and the music still playing from the speakers. The clatter and crash of ceramic on the wooden floor breaks through, though. Wrenching away from each other, as one, our heads whip around towards the stairs. I gulp loudly at the sight of the figure standing on the top step. 

"Oh, my God."

*******

@leatafandom

#clex #smallville fanfic #smallville #lemon

[denalilily]

esme/tanya or kate/garrett for the ask game (or both!)

YEESSSSSS!! Doing both of course!

• esme/tanya

who is more likely to hurt the other? tanya - I just can't see esme hurting anyone.

who is emotionally stronger? tanya - she has more life experience and she stepped up to be a leader while suffering from grief for her mother

who is physically stronger? tanya

who is more likely to break a bone? esme

who knows best what to say to upset the other? tanya - I get a savage vibe from her. Maybe its the ripping off heads or something idk

who is most likely to apologise first after an argument? esme - she's too sweet

who treats who’s wounds more often? esme - I'm sure she's learned some medicine from her husband dr.acula.

who is in constant need of comfort? tanya

who gets more jealous? esme

who’s most likely to walk out on the other? tanya - she's not used to being with one partner for a long time.

who will propose? tanya

who has the most difficult parents? what. I guess tanya's mom was kinda crazy but esme's parents forced her to marry an abusive man??? I'm gonna say esme

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? tanya

who comes up for the other all the time? esme

who hogs the blankets? tanya

who gets more sad? tanya

who is better at cheering the other up? esme

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes? esme

who is more streetwise? tanya

who is more wise? tanya

who’s the shyest? esme

who boasts about the other more? tanya

who sits on who’s lap? esme tanya's

• kate/garrett

who is more likely to hurt the other? kate - that's already canon she zaps garrett all the time

who is emotionally stronger? kate - not sure about this but she has been alive way longer

who is physically stronger? kate - she was a trained bodyguard and a warrior

who is more likely to break a bone? garrett - doing something chaotic stupid

who knows best what to say to upset the other? kate

who is most likely to apologise first after an argument? garrett

who treats who’s wounds more often? kate

who is in constant need of comfort? kate - also kinda canon

who gets more jealous? garrett - obviously

who’s most likely to walk out on the other? kate

who will propose? garrett

who has the most difficult parents? kate - I guess?! the only parent we know is kate's mom who created a demon baby

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? kate

who comes up for the other all the time? I'm still not really sure what this means but I'll just say garrett

who hogs the blankets? kate

who gets more sad? kate

who is better at cheering the other up? garrett

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes? kate - that's so them Im crying its too cute

who is more streetwise? garrett

who is more wise? kate

who’s the shyest? neither of them

who boasts about the other more? - garrett

who sits on who’s lap? - kate garrett's - canon in the movie

#asks #twilight ships #kate and garrett #kate x garrett #esme and tanya #esme x tanya #tanya denali #kate denali #garrett #esme cullen

[mlobsters]

supernatural s7e17 the born-again identity (w. sera gamble)

i gather this is gonna be sad. dean's easy to be charmed by and emotionally invest, sam's a little harder nut to crack and they don't have him suffer so freely but he's got me by the throat here lately.

kinda hate when i notice an actor's name in the opening credits, spoiler alert 🥴 i guess cas is making an appearance, finally. he gonna do the magic brain fixing woo woo?

DR KADINSKY So you're aware that Sam is experiencing a full-blown psychotic episode? DEAN Psychotic? Come on. I mean, the guy's... It's not like the guy's freakin' Norman Bates.

i know this is just how tv/movies deal with this but agh psychotic doesn't mean violent! make it a teachable moment, sera

Psychosis is disconnection from reality. People may have false beliefs or experience things that aren’t real. Psychosis isn’t a condition. It’s a term that describes a collection of symptoms. Two important types of psychosis include: Hallucinations. These are when parts of your brain mistakenly act like they would if your senses (vision, hearing, touch, smell and taste) picked up on something actually happening. An example of a hallucination is hearing voices that aren’t there (auditory hallucination). Delusions. These are false beliefs that someone holds onto very strongly, even when others don’t believe them or there’s plenty of evidence that a belief isn't true. For example, people with delusions of control believe someone is controlling their thoughts or actions remotely.

DEAN Sam, if I don't find something – SAM Then I'll die. HALLUCIFER Oh, you're upsetting me. SAM Dean, we knew this was coming. DEAN No. SAM When you put my soul back... DEAN No. SAM ...Cas warned you about all the crap it would – DEAN Screw Cas!

yes, he was warned but it also wasn't just the deterioration over time, cas just zapped the wall away! so maybe it would have played out the same but you don't know and it wasn't a guarantee

honeymoon is over, indeed

better job with the musical score in this sad montage guys. felt some of the feelings

EXCUSE ME KACEY ROHL WITH A NECK BANDAGE?????

hannibal s1e3 potage - kacey rohl as abigail hobbs

is dean gonna forgive and forget cas at the end of this?

DEAN Yeah, well, what if you were some kind of... I don't know...bad guy? EMMANUEL/CASTIEL Oh, I... don't feel like a bad person.

oh no.

MARIN No, it's not! You are crazier than I am! Charles Manson tells you what to do. At least it's my own brother – SAM It's your brother?

MARIN Yes. It sucks... when it's your dead brother saying... kill yourself to be with him... or he'll do it for you

no no no.

DEAN Well, yeah. Dude broke my brother's head. EMMANUEL/CASTIEL He betrayed you, this dude. He was your friend? DEAN Yeah, well, he's gone. EMMANUEL/CASTIEL Did you kill him? I sense that you kill a lot of people. DEAN Honestly, I-I-I don't know if he is dead. I just know that this... whole thing couldn't be messier. You know, I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. You know, whatever it was. It might take me some time, but... I always could. What Cas did... I just can't – I don't know why.

truly a mystery, dean. someone caused, and continues to cause, your brother immense suffering.

action legs

kacey is doing a great job with this part. she's so good!

oh a very good use of music when cas goes on the smiting/recovering memory tour, turn into earth by the yardbirds

smiting in your little cardigan. chef's kiss on the music selection, truly

so is cas gonna be like, i sacrificed for you again, dean by taking the hallucifer? leaving him in the hospital was... a choice. also a hallucinating and extremely powerful angel seems like a bad combo.

DEAN Mutually assured destruction. Look, man, I get it. She's not our friend. We don't even have friends. All our friends are dead.

not to put too fine a point on it

from the wiki

At JiB con 2012, Jensen talked about the trench coat scene, describing it as "awkward," pointing out that the jacket was in a stolen car, that Dean wouldn't have folded it that nicely, describing the written dialogue as, "It was so bad," and saying that he and Misha ended up changing the dialogue. One fan who won a copy of the script from Misha posted the relevant pages on Tumblr. The removed lines have Dean saying, of the trench coat he's holding, "Dumb to keep. I know. I saw you-- dissolve or whatever. But, just in case. 'Cause I never stopped wanting to fix it either. So we got something in common. Just-- take it. Please." Though, there may have been an earlier version of the script that Jensen was referring to, as he talked with Misha at JiB con 2012, and they mentioned Castiel having a line that they changed, and Dean having a line that referenced something like the smell of the coat or Dean cuddling up to it. Jensen said Misha had called the scene "gay" in a previous panel, and Jensen referred to it as "unmanly" saying, "Which would make sense because (Sera Gamble, the writer) is a girl. (...) She writes amazing, but sometimes there are some effeminate lines (like) "I guess I really hoped you'd come back someday." "

major side eye at the that whole manly business. but i do think, again, the show talks more about their relationship than whatever makes it to screen. stop trying to make fetch happen.

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 7x17 #sera gamble #christopher lennertz #kacey rohl #the yardbirds #turn into earth #spnhiky #hiky #hannibal

[glassroo]

i love blue peep but why are they condemned to shock collar??? kinda fucked up to use ECT on a psychic without consent i’m sure there’s better stuff. or was it already there and the psychonauts are trying to figure out how to take it off??? or was it voluntary on their end like “i will fuck you all up if you don’t physically harm me?” not being judgy or anything! just trying to figure out how the psychonauts and stuff slot together in your world cause your ocs are so fucking cool

AIGHT so first off i wanna start by saying TY FOR ASKING ABT MY OCS THIS DOESNT HAPPEN ENOUGH 💝💝 this response will be layered, bc when it comes to any of my ocs, what ive written barely covers 1/50th of whats in my head. ill try and dot-point without rambling too long

the shock collar isnt as severe as it looks, i really leaned into the "exaggerated overblown Psychonauts™️ design" with it. the Psychonauts put the collar on them shortly after committing them to their psychic rehabilitation program. it generates enough of a zap to bother them, and stop their psychic power. nothing more. regular checkups are performed by Sasha to make sure the output treads the border of effective and safe

there is, as of the year our friend is 15, a psychic rehabilitation program within the Psychonauts. its mostly geared towards the youth, people with more pliable minds that tend to be more receptive to change, general age range being 13-19, and is headed by Oleander. Kylie (our pink muppet bestie) and a few others are also in this program :)

I also typecast the Psychonauts as being a bit more...antiquated with their methods. remember the psychoisolation chambers? i wouldnt put a goofy ahh psychic shock collar past them

our baffling friend has used their psychic suggestion so often throughout their life that it triggers in any question they ask or vague statement they make. the shock collar is part of their CBT, and was deemed necessary after they displayed a severe lack of control over this dangerous ability, plus their (admittedly small) rap sheet. anyone not actively shielding their mind WILL be influenced by their words

their overuse stemmed from the need to constantly use their power to survive their situation growing up. without going too much into it, they experienced severe emotional neglect, moderate physical neglect, among more nuanced stuff that comes from having emotionally immature parents

they committed crimes of their own accord. this only started a few months before the Psychonauts captured them. it's not a regular pattern of behaviour for them. they had come into contact with a psychic with similar, but much more pronounced abilities, which influenced them greatly. the Psychonauts (justifiably) fear that without harsh intervention this behaviour would escalate. this person is somewhat on the Psychonauts radar, but not much is known about them

with all said, our friend didnt consent to the shock collar. i dont think most 15y/o's would. but theyre aware of their issues with unintentional power usage...they just dont think its a big deal though. theyve never had an issue with their power hurting someone, so isnt everything being blown way out of proportion?

throughout their rehabilitation they do come to realise (much like Raz with Hollis) that tampering with the minds of others is not something done lightly. while at the start of their rehab their sentences are constantly interrupted by jolts and zaps, somewhat symbolic of their lack of understanding or care for how their words (powers) affect others, towards the end there's barely a spark when they speak. theyre even able to ask a few questions without triggering the collar, or their powers

in summary, this character has a lot of me in them, and tbh i couldve used some harsh psychic CBT instead of having to unlearn bad coping mechanisms the long, hard way. like me, they hate having a name, they love quiet public transit, they fear expectations, and they ponder where their somewhat aimless life will take them. im glad you like them, and i hope my 3am ramblings have grown your appreciation for them! i think the name J. (Jayden) Doe will work for them. for now. like me, theyll probably change it later :)

#anon #ty again for asking abt them🥺 #i rly do love talking abt my ocs even tho it makes me feel so cringe #psychonauts oc #psychonauts art #psychonauts fanart #psychonauts character design #character design #psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #psychonauts in the rhombus of ruin #psychonauts rhombus of ruin

[hey-haven]

opinions on faith x polly, dahlia x joy, and damien x milo?

Alrighty let’d break this down

- Polly x Faith

Personally my favorite Polly ship. I like the idea of them going from friends with benefits to lovers and it was just a natural progression. Like it kinda just happened with a couple bumps in the road that they easily talked through.

I don’t think Polly is one to have commitment issues, more that I see her struggling with the idea of settling down in general (not just with romance). She doesn’t know if or when she’ll move on and she wants to live her afterlife to the fullest and worries that being all domestic will zap away the fun.

However, I can see Faith show that you can be in a relationship and still have fun. The woman goes on episodic adventures all the time, her and Polly will have a blast together. I can also see them just connecting really well both emotionally and intellectually. Like you can’t tell me they don’t have deep conversations after a session together. I think it makes up for what Polly and Vicky lacks for me and it’s some form of difference in personality as Faith is more reserved while Polly is outgoing and bubbly, but they have more than enough similarities that it still makes sense.

- Dahlia x Joy

Not a fan. Dahlia stresses Joy out, and that’s literally the last thing she needs. I prefer paring her with characters like Brian or Abdu, people who can help her relax every now and then and take a break. I think from her previous evil exes, Joy really needs someone who’s not over the top at all and can help her wind down and enjoy the more domestic side of a relationship cause girl knows she has a toxic pattern going on that needs to end. Dahlia just will not provide that for her, sorry fam.

- Damien x Milo

Literally makes so much sense. In Monster Prom, Damien does deal with a bit of toxic masculinity with his secret passion for drag and hairdressing and makeup, something that he used to keep a secret but no longer does. I can see a universe where it’s Milo who snaps him out of it and encourages him to pursue his passion. They would literally be the most fabulous couple too! They do makeup vlogs together and go shopping!!!

Damien would also tag along with Milo on their assignments just cause death is metal as fuck and thinks the whole process of reaping is cool.

I think they balance each other really well, and they share a lot of interests. Tbh, might be my second favorite Damien ship behind Oz.

*Okay no more ship asks, but thanks so much for participating!!!*

#haven rambles #monster prom #monster camp #monster roadtrip #the coven #minus Hope lol #faith fernandez #polly geist #dahlia aquino #joy johnson johjima #damien lavey #milo belladonna

[heckinconfusedparade]

Hello, I am IN LOVE with the Tails squad, but there is one thing that doesn't make sense. Don't get me wrong, I love Nine and he deserves the world, but I find it quite odd that he just gets along with a bunch of Tails's, all of them having lives he never got to have and could possible never will (which is like a 10% chance of happening in the show...I hope). I don't hate the Tails squad, I find it cute and adorable, but it kinda doesn't make sense with Nine's character.

He's a firm loner, and while he might get along with others Tails's because they went through the same bullying as he did, but he could also resent them because they were saved by their hero, while he never was. Not to mention, Nine can't have a Sonic. He deserves happiness, but the way the writers are starting his arc makes it seem he might get worse before he gets better, not to mention Nine only shows care for Sonic.

He might develop sure, but the only thing other than himself he has priority over (and even that's starting to fade with how willing he was to get himself captured knowing that these are cruel dictators that roboticised someone and zapped him multiple times, basically ruins any chance to being friends with the rebels multiple times in a way that's kinda self destructive when you look at it closer, and creates a world only for him and Sonic) is Sonic and only him. And that's obviously a very stubborn thing he isn't willing to let go easily.

The whole point of Nine was him being a Tails that's alone, desperate for affection and love. I'm actually starting to lean towards the recent theories that Nine is the remains of Tails's love for Sonic.

Or...

Or us this an alternate universe and I'm just over looking things because I'm currently awake very late and need to let my thoughts out over random things?

If it is, what if the real Nine popped in and saw that even alternate versions of himself are loved and happy but not him? Oh, he'd be ✨ pissed ✨ wouldn't he?

Like damn, even alternate versions of HIMSELF have people while he doesn't holy shit-

In the show, Nine reacts emotionally when he's upset about something, fight or blow up and listen later if he wants, but he'd probably leave without listening in this case.

I'm currently up at 2 am and my Thoughts are SwaRmIng-

He doesn’t resent them. Their lives are not in their control.

He’s jealous, extremely jealous, yes, but he’s been able to build a relationship with the others over time.

Part of Nine is happy that at least he’s happy somewhere else, and the other part wants to know why he doesn’t get to have that life.

Btw you have very detailed 2am thoughts.

Im glad you like this squad of crazy kids

#tails squad

[moonsquaremars]

Saturn in 9th House

Since my last post got me on the topic of Saturn, I figured it deserved its own post. Personally, I don’t like Saturn all that much in astrology. The symbol is alright ♄ (I was honestly thinking of Jupiter’s at first which is much cooler (･_･;

:readmore:

(ﾟoﾟ;; but I digress. However, the themes of Saturn just do not appeal to me. Responsibility, rigidity… it just makes me think of a stern judge who passes judgment on others without compassionately understanding what they’re going through. I see it as faulty. Rigid, stiff, error prone but powerful enough to reap no consequence. Saturn gives us form, especially our entire earthly life. We get our Saturn return in our late 20s, which I am approaching. So far, I don’t quite understand what people complain about when it comes to Saturn returns, however I’m confident I’ve caught glimpses of it.

There is something to aging that is just uncomfortable and sad. And scary. However, Saturn being in the same sign as when I was born excites me rather than causes dread, cuz then wouldn’t that mean the world and I will be on the same page again?? I mean come on.

Aries. That is the sign with which one of the ring giants resided when I was born one morning in the summer of ninety-six. 9th house is its house. Don’t ask me degrees, cuz im not all into that. I suck at math. But my sun and moon are both at 0° which I find odd… Pluto too…. Anyways.

So my previous post talked about how Saturn in 9th folks like more orthodox and traditional religions, and that rings very true for me. I’ve always felt drawn towards Judaism, was a devout Mormon for a couple years, etc. Another issue of this placement is supposedly existential nihilism, which I’ve also suffered from greatly. I believe it was even enhanced, because my Sun (life, energy) tensely squares my Saturn, which I read can cause a depressive person. Which is also extremely true…

Maybe if I look at what transits were happening when I was 12, because that’s when I first began feeling depressed and suicidal. It was entirely because I was gay, and ashamed and afraid of the point of even living if I was damned to a life of mockery and eternal suffering afterwards. I was deeply depressed all throughout my teenage years because I honestly just grew comfortable with it. Once your brain is so serotonin and dopamine depleted, and you’ve been laying down for hours with absolutely no joy or stimulation whatsoever… you get kinda used to it. I was too scared to admit being depressed to friends and family, so I just dealt with it my own way. I fantasized about suicide often, wrote emo blog posts and journal entries. You know, the works. But I eventually got over it. But I attribute this to sun square Saturn, like Saturn was just draining and zapping the will to live out of me. I finally got over all of this during a church sermon one day, where the preacher of this architecturally lovely church said that perhaps misery is not something we need to run from or avoid, but a ship that must be set sail. And that really spoke to me. Like it gave my depression, my square, meaning and significance, rather than a fluke that needed to be avoided and corrected.

In my post high school life, I struggled to find meaning. I was constantly wondering what the point of everything was, in a way that was more frequent and emotionally taxing than the average guy or gal. Maybe, maybe not. Who knows. But I was unhappy. It’s interesting that Saturn in 9th could be what caused that.

For the Aries part of my Saturn, I have less to say. However, I am quite impulsive. I feel like I act more like my draconic sun and moon, sag and aquarius, than I do my natal cancer/virg at times. I’ve always been pretty rebellious as well, which I kind of interpret Saturn in Aries to represent. I’m not sure.

Aries was actually my least favorite sign for quite some time. I don’t exactly have a least favorite sign anymore, but if I had to choose, maybe Libra :P ahh got eem. No but seriously. It wasn’t until I grew close to my friend / former roommate who is an Aries, and had a romantic fling with an Aries or two, that I got over my Aries complex. It’s just like impulsive and childish and insensitive. But since I am a cancer, cancer and Aries naturally square each other apparently. So my feelings are in fact, understandable. Natural, perhaps….

Anyways. Those are my thoughts for now. Perhaps it’s the Aries in me, but the idea of growing up and becoming responsible just seems so sucky to me lol. But as I’m typing this I’m realizing that’s not necessarily the case. I’m turning 26 next month, so I’m not sure when my exact Saturn return will be. But I’ve felt the pang of Saturn a few times in my life. The existential realization that our actions have consequences. It doesn’t always matter what our intentions were, or that we didn’t know, or that somewhere someone loves us. None of that can save us from the hard fist of the law, or from the temperamental and violent nature of other humans. But I am 26, and I am officially no longer a kid or a teenager. I’m an adult. And I feel like I’ve gotten settled, and I’m just getting a peak of what is to come. And I’m less afraid than I was before :)

#saturn #saturn astrology #Saturn in Aries #Saturn return #9th house #saturn in 9th #Aries #astrology notes #astrology observations

[backuparguelles]

Emmie Becomes a Wraith

Based on “100% Molly McGee” I decided to make Molly and Darryl’s cousin Emmie Suksai McGee’s weekend visit special, as a pink wraith ghost. With special guest Libby.

Libby: so your uhhhh… Emmie McGee? U look like your Molly’s lil sister so does the face. Emmie: nice to meet ya Libby, I know Molly like u since u guys met here. And your a book lover too? Libby: yup and turtles too. I got a few to hold. Emmie: they’re so cute!!! Darryl: Hey Emmie since u and our uncle discovered our ghostly secret. Maybe me and Molly spend a weekend even better both here and in the Ghost World. Emmie: wait, I can be a ghost? Molly: well not quite dead yet but there’s a loophole called a “wraith”. Your ghostly form keeps your emotions and energy but your body is nearly boring and dull. Emmie: how we gonna know we’re going to the Ghost World. Darryl: pretend that we’re in the attic napping. Emmie: okay! (attic door open) Hey dad, uncle, and aunt; we’re just taking a nap for several hours before dinner. Alright he’s cool with. Scratch: alright kids get ready to cross zap twice jump. Get ready to rip your souls!!!

And that the bodies of the McGee kids and Libby zapped and became quite soulless and boring. But their emotionally main souls are in their ghostly wraith form in yellow, lime green, pink, and mint green. Emmie: oh my corn, eeeeeeeeee!!! I’m really a pink flying cutie RAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Libby: sweet corn she did it! Scratch: wow nice pink and some red lava color tones. But the scare-off with be after dinner in my Ghost Council as the Chairman of the afterlife. Molly: it’s a kinda long story tho but technically we’re not dead yet. Libby: alright we leave them the bed, bean bag chairs, and plushies without knowing we’re dead. Darryl: hold on tight ladies and Scratch because there’s no sunlight in the Ghost World but we can be a scary freakshow ghouls in an instant. When they enter the Ghost World, Emmie: oh my corn! Look at that place Wow!!! Weeeeeeeeee!!!!!! Emmie says hi and shakes hands to many ghosts as they can until they approach Geoff. Geoff: hey hey Scratch, McGees and Libby!!! Your the girl cousin McGee right? I’m Geoff that G-E-O-F-F not to be confused with my long time partner Jeff that’s J-E-F-F. Emmie: does he do that every time we meet them. Molly: it’s confusing but yes. Darryl: there’s Jeff with a J as described by Geoff with a G, Reggie an assistant to Scratch, Sally Tugbottom the real hero and founder of Brighton despite she has a little evil bro named Ezekiel Tugbottom, Blair: who works at the video store and a horror movie fan, The Barrister Ghosts aka Scratch’s board members consisting of Bartholomew, Sir Alister, Lucretia, and Grimbella; Howlin’ Harriet a singing salami selling woman that once have no toes, and Sonia Davis a former pro-skater and the other ghost with legs. Blair: oh hi welcome to the Ghost World, I know Molly so well u want some stale popcorn? Emmie: no thanks, that’s sour. Bartholomew: hope this visit is more special my dear McGee. Emmie: That’s Suksai McGee sir Bart. Darryl: my dad and his Irish older sibs aka Billy and Jilly are the McGee side of my family while my mom, his brother, and my mother’s mom aka Grandma Nin represents the Suksai part of the family. Sir Alister: so technically its Suksai McGee u say. Reminded me of Molly’s best friend Libby. Sonia: awwwww!!! Your family is getting bigger by the minute. Reggie: your really look like Molly, u almost like sisters! Emmie: u look like Scratch’s lil bro!!! Scratch: hey Geoff, I got fiery snacks that Emmie and his dad bought. Extra hot seaweed chips!!! Hey Jeff, Sally, Reggie, and many others. U need to try this chips, I tried but I survived the burnout. Good luck with your purple tongues!!! Geoff: even we’re not alive but really, how I’m gonna be afraid of a bag of sea chips made out from underwater? “CHOMP!” Oh my ghost, it’s hotter than lava in a volcano!!! Jeff: cough cough!!! What kind of organic chips is this? That’s from the ocean??? Sally: yeow! It’s a burning sea plant without burning the chips y’all!!! Reggie: my glasses are burning wildfire!!! Blair: wow, I need a soda here or water or milk!!! Darryl: should we get milk now ? Molly: oh boy there goes the supply of cows! Hold on guys!!!

Later they McGees learn to cook Thai food on top of the Ghost Council mountain, then dinner is finally served. Sir Alister: alright everyone a feast is about to begin! Oh wait I got some ice from Sonia. Molly: we got Thai food but we put some flags on it whether it’s spicy or not. I’ll get the non-spicy ones. Jeff: wait Molly, u got fire powers without eating spicy foods. Molly: it’s powers not food Jeff. Scratch: u want cola, root beer, lemon-lime, citrus, orange, strawberry, cream soda, ginger ale, cherry, grapefruit, and grape. Darryl: got milk too? Scratch: oh yeah!!! No one ever misses a drink. Geoff: wait there’s grape and grapefruit? Molly: they’re different fruits Geoff. Sally: great golly wild west! That’s a spicy shrimpy with bbq y’all! Reggie: so does the noodles and veggies. Oh my that’s a spicy beef! Wow that’s hot!!! RAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH!!! Blair: I got it on tape Reggie!!! Jeff: wow a dragon blaster! Nice! Geoff: this is much better than Molly’s house. Molly: I learned it from Grandma Nin. Darryl: hey guys, I heard that story sprite says what’s for dessert? Emmie: Mango ice cream!!! Grimbella: wow! It’s fascinating style of long strings sipping on a pink tongue. Sir Alister: pass me the baos and paos. Spicy beef please. Scratch: alright everyone a toast to a new regime, say easy peasy McGeesies!!! Geoff; got any more milk. My purple tongue still sparks. Darryl: chocolate anyone? We got strawberry too! Geoff: oh boy, so much for the flamin hot seaweed chips! Ugh still burning here in my mouth. Emmie: I think I gonna like this place! Muahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Sally: whoa whoa!!! Easy there Emmie my dear!!! Darryl: we been there before but hey, don’t fool the cuteness unless if a bad guy approaches. Blair: I’m new to the ghost world months ago but hey scary is scary!!! And I got it on tape!!! Lucretia: oh my now that’s a horror movie u say my Blair dear.

After the dinner a scare off is on the top of the rock of the Ghost Council mountain.

Scratch: after a weird and burning dinner party. I want to have another human friend make a great scare. Meet Emmie McGee!!! Dead or alive may the best fight win!!! Molly: sure lemme try first, ahem hissssssssssssss!!!!!! raaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!! Darryl: really watch this ladies and gentelmen, guuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! and also braaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!! Libby: lemme think about my scare I taught oh wait here it is now yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Emmie: beginners luck but can u try this? RAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Jeff: dang girl. She needs a family partner to keep in touch even if their far away between Brighton and New York. Reggie: can I take her to New York? Scratch: sold!!! Reggie gets a human friend for Emmie and his dad!!! Emmie: finally I got a ghost friend!!! This is the best family visit ever both in Brighton and the Ghost World!!! Geoff: she grew up so fast so does Reggie!!! Molly: now we never gonna be apart with just a portal away even we’re just ghostly wraiths since we can’t let human bodies in! Darryl: if u even need us, Just need Reggie will ya so does a video call. Emmie: I love u all the ghouls especially I overcome fear of ghosts. Scratch: oh btw, keep this three wanted posters in your room. One has a scythe another are bubbly but tearful runts who are evil opposites to the council plus a green blowhard show-off and yeah I’m talking about Tug the Tornado. Keep an eye on those 3 baddies besides since I’m the Chairman of this realm there’s some nasty revenge on me and the McGees. Emmie: sure sir I won’t let u down!!! Libby: so if we come home as humans I can tour my mom’s bookstore for some shopping and learning. Emmie: can I read your books? Libby: a ghost journal might recommend u and I have a copy for free. Emmie: oh thanks Libby, your a great friend to Molly!!! Libby: hey uh anymore hugs. Darryl: ugh Scratch!!! Your chairman’s robe is squeezing us hard!!! Molly: Okay now we go home as humans. See ya later my afterlife friends!!! Sally: I knew Molly is the best human we ever met! Geoff: me too. It’s a simple love and fun. Blair: hope u see us again! Byeeeeee!!!

The end

[batz]

-

#feelin kinda shitty adn idk. Need Some Positivity but also feeling sorta quiet #idk why but like when a man yells at me it will LITERALLY leave me zapped for a whole week. its awful. even if its not That Bad like. #hes being emotionally manipulative to everyone else in the house so hopefully he leaves. #frank.txt #i jus need Positive Vibes i dunno

[bumblebeepixie]

.

#forgot to take my venlafaxine yesterday and i feel like shit #physically and emotionally #taken my next dose without food #had these brain zaps and the earth shifting yesterday can't be doing it again today #really wanted to be off these but then the pandemic happened :) #can't come off them like i usually would cos i actually get withdrawals on this one :) #oh and i haven't been able to stop crying since i woke up :) #oh and my period is late by 8 days :) #not that i have the most regular of cycles anyway #but i was kinda rooting for this one #gonna watch the next episode of killing eve #try and distract myself #and who knows hopefully get some period pains #maybe even a period the possibilities are endless :)

[goldengoddess]

dating loki as thor’s best friend

pairing: loki x reader and platonic thor x reader 

request: hc for dating loki and being thor's bff? also vice versa? (two different hc) also, for both can the reader be short? and the reader is an avenger and human. ty!

a/n: yes yes yes yes FINALLY some marvel content for me <333 im just going to do loki and being thor’s bff bc im a loki whore (also i have no idea HOW this became so long omg)

warnings: cursing, some suggestive jokes, mention of drinking

you didn’t know how it happened 

you just knew there was no way of stopping it once it had begun 

the moment thor joined the team

you knew he would become immensely important to you

he had the same happy spirit as you

always prepared for a good time

always loyal

always a ray of sunshine

just like you

the two of you were known as the “never shut the fuck up about how great everything is” duo of the team

always the optimists

you taught him about earth and your favorite things to do

from karaoke to bar hopping

and he made fun of your shortness whenever he could

“i understand that i am a god, and everyone is smaller than i am, but you, you are simply tiny”

the two of you were fast and forever friends

thor’s brother, on the other hand, presented a challenge

he was everything you weren’t

and thought it was never that he was unkind, you always had the feeling he was judging you

always watching you with those intense eyes while you talked with thor

perhaps for being too optimistic or joyful

you’d gotten those kinds of reactions before

but loki turned out to be an unlikely ally

one bad night

you sat on the floor of the kitchen in the avengers compound

hugging your knees to your chest, staring at nothing at all and trying not to cry

the sadness had come for no particular reason and it wouldn’t go away

you didn’t realize loki was standing a few feet away from you until he cleared his throat

you’d tried to plaster on a happy grin but he’d seen right through it and opened his arms to hold you for a little while

a reluctant but kinda great friendship was formed

when you were hurting and needed an outlet you went to loki

when he needed your usually overflowing happiness, he came to you

it became a habit to sneak into his room at midnight just so he could hold you 

“loki?” you would whisper into the darkness

“come in sunshine, i don't know why you bother tiptoeing, im up waiting for you anyways”  

after many nights spent in each other’s company without thor you were leaning on his balcony to get some fresh air, your head on his shoulder

 “why do you come to me?” he asked

you moved away from him so you could look at his face 

he was paler than usual 

“what do you mean?”

he sighed and moved his body so he was totally facing you

“you come to me. when you feel bad you come to my room. when you need someone to listen, you come to me. why? why not thor? he’s your best friend. i need to understand, why me?”

his voice had cracked

loki’s voice never sounded that way 

“because,” you started, “because”

“because what”

“because you’ve become my person” you whisper yelled at him

 it took two seconds before loki had grabbed your face and pressed his lips into yours

and how could you not kiss back this beautiful boy in front of you 

from then on it was kisses in hallways

squeezing your thigh under the table for support during tony’s long rants

leaving little notes in your lab when you worked late

him making fun of your height

it scared you how much you had grown to depend on loki how his presence felt as natural as thor’s

oh thor

sweet sweet thor

he was beautiful and smart and you loved him deeply

but he could be a little oblivious considering you and loki practically undressed each other with your eyes every-time you were in the same room

and he never noticed

but then you made the mistake of drinking with thor

and accidentally letting it slip that you were helplessly in love with his brother

the next morning

after a lot of coffee to sober up ofc

he’s dragged the two of you to a table to “chat”

you were worried he’d yell at you

tell you that if you hurt loki he’d zap you so quick you couldn’t even get a witty remark in

instead

his eyes narrowed at his brother

“loki, if you mess this up,” he growled, “hurt y/n in anyway. i’ll end you.”

loki’s shocked face matched yours

but quickly loki’s face morphed into amusement

he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and kissed your forehead

“i don’t plan on it brother”

thor had grinned at that

and thought that moment had taken ten years of your life, you were relived your best friend knew

thor loved to joke and make slightly inappropriate comments

“hey loki i found this ring i thought you could give y/n next time you-”

“brother! do shut up?”

or even better

“hey y/n i was wondering if i could- OH MY GOD PUT SOME CLOTHES ON THIS IS PUBLIC SPACE”

but thor was still your best friend

and you loved to tell him about how much you loved loki

how lucky you were to have two beautiful men you could be emotionally vulnerable with

and thor could see how happy you made loki

how his step had a little more spirit in it

how he used his magic to make sure your flowers never died

how he stole your perfumes to spray on his sheets in his own room

and kept your coffee warm whenever you forgot and left it sitting around

his brother was happy

his best friend was happy

everything had fallen into place

thor was your number one shipper

coming up with ship names

basically planning out a future for the two of you

loki pretended to hate it

“sunshine, frankly it’s embarrassing! would you want your brother to have baby names picked out for you?”

but loki loved it secretly

loved that he had you in common with thor

and he did appreciate the baby names

and hoped he could use them in the future

it was challenging at times

balancing a magic boyfriend

and a god best friend

but you wouldn’t change it for the world

because it was never a dull moment with these two brothers

and now you had not one, but two, asgardian boys making fun of your short height

#loki #loki laufeyson #loki fluff #loki blurb #loki imagine #loki x reader #loki layfeyson x reader #loki x you #loki x y/n #avangers #marvel #marvel mcu #mcu #marvel au #thor #thor x reader #peter parker #bucky barnes

[asmrtist-brainrot]

What are your thoughts on the divines? Romantic headcanons preferably, but like- your writing is so well done I wouldn’t mind if u just did general XD The Obsessive Hux fic gave me chills

Oooh!! I haven’t really had the chance to explore anything about the divines.

And it makes me really happy that you enjoyed it because I really liked writing that fic and giving Hux that kinda darker edge. I’m curious to see if with the characterization that I’ll get the chance to have possibly obsessive Dami and Lasko too?

Thank you for all the compliments!

Hmm, my writing limit in terms of characters is three... But I will do four because I really wanted to write something for Bek.

But I’mma choose them at random and if you want a specific one of the other three, just request for ‘em!

:D

Gender Neutral!

~ Dari

Bek

mostly unfamiliar with romance as he didn't have many good examples, but he does know from Vox that Nix should not be used as reference

decidedly slipped away to kinda look into human media once he realized that he had feelings for you, though unlike most of his emotionally constipated brethren - he accepted how he felt much easier

literally creates a small barrier around your home so he was untraceable when he came to earth

a good boi, a true gentleman that will always ask for things - he had canonically asked for smooches after all

his lips taste like cherries and he gets breathless really easy, also blushes really prevalently - sometimes will get so red that the markings on his face just kinda disappear

completely unashamed of having his chest bared and will absolutely get confused if you get flustered - though will blush up a storm of you're being flirtatious or teasing him about it

pet names will make him short-circuit, and if you're the type, you might just kill him

"B - bABY?! O - oh gosh -"

Daz

mmm, chaotic and fun boyfriend, will wholly ignore most of his feelings and have you just in suspension of not being exclusive/having a label (though if you're a storm chaser, you'd probably just revel in his presence)

does not give a single fuck about Rex's rules but since you've essentially become his favorite person, he's careful when he comes to see you

only will admit his feelings in a fit of likely jealous rage, though is surprisingly subdued as what mortal man could do compared to a being of divinity such as himself?... be open with himself, apparently

after finally getting how he felt, that he cared and loved you, out - it's like a switch flipped

while he could be suggestive and a flirty, in the face of genuine affection, zip-zap man is at a loss and stubbornly unwilling to learn from anyone else that isn't you

kissing him kinda feels like a charge going through your body, like a hearty hum of energy settling in your chest and making your hair stand on end - he also kinda tastes like lemon candy... much to his embarrassment

once he gets into the swing of things though, it's over for you; from sweet nothings to holding you in his arms - it is something he rivals Nix in

"So little storm chaser, will you worship me in more than just beholding my divinity?"

Nix

we know while he could have the love of "agape", his preference lies within the desire of "eros"

he can and has recognized the feelings of love just in their romantic form, though having split couples before - it likely doesn't last... at least until he met you

you gotta be immune to him or something, able to look past all the cockiness and unaffected by the sway of his natural ability and simply wanting to be with him or not wanting to be with him because you just want to have him be happy

that will fuck him up a whole lot and now you've got him just kinda... swooning? he's not really used to all of that? while he is desirable, it was mostly artificial as he had to push those feelings for him to the surface

honestly, just tells Rex that he's just going to "have fun" with the humans and he just reacts in vague disgust and leaves Nix alone to do as he pleases

... has no idea to go about romancing you. despite being a massive flirt, courting someone does not lie in his wheelhouse because he's always had other people clamoring for him

unsurprisingly, he tastes sweet, like candied apples - leaving your lips swollen and always pulling you in for more

"I haven’t thought about anyone else in months... What have you done to me?”

Vox

oof okay, he does not have a good track record with being in love... but he out of all of his brothers would know best about it

his brand of romance is subdued, he's quiet and gentle and lets his actions speak the most - but he is pretty good with his words

let's you keep a couple charms and disguises himself and his trail so he remained unrecognized even by his brothers if they were ever to cross paths, as unlikely as it might be

honest to god (or the seven); just serenades you, he isn't the divine of sound and music for nothing after all... displays his feelings via the songs he sings to you - even composing music inspired/about you

immensely protective, a given considering what happened to the last time he'd taken a lover

... definitely not the type to catch feelings easy though, it takes him a while to both warm up to you but also learn to love again

kisses tastes a little like wine? even leaves you kinda dizzy and drunk off of his affections... also makes very lovely noises - it comes with having such a lovely voice

"Dance with me, songbird? I know there's no music... But I could always make some?"

#siren's son asmr #request asks #headcanons #dari writes #daz #bek #nix #vox #the divines

[hermesserpent-stuff]

Hey, @lirabuswavi I wanted to answer and make sure I had enough letters to type out ideas. Hope this is okay! Your words in bold. 

With his electricity build up, does he shock people? Digger annoys him, he shuffles his feet a bit on the carpet, and zap! Right on the back of the head. Non damaging but still annoying. 

Yes. This is a fantastic idea. Digger gets a lot of it because to be fair, he can be a little bit annoying. He does it if people say something rude, but not a killable offense or just tick him off a bit. Barry, Digger, and James (less so cause he kinda considers it like a tickle) all get most of the zapping. He can mostly control it. But when he is a little angry or in distress Mark has accidentally shorted out people’s tech. He still owes Barry a new phone.

Does his hair puff up from all the static electricity?

Yes. It gets worse and worse as he builds up electricity. After heists where he’s had to use a lot of his weather staff, he has to discharge it or sit in a room with a humidifier. Normally he has a low current.

 Does he not get hugs often because he shocks people accidentally?

Nah, he has pretty decent control over it. Only when he's emotionally in distress does it go wrong. SO he gets all the hugs! Hartley can't really touch Mark when he’s upset, or else Hartley’s hearing aids get fried.

 Does Billy hug him both before, but even more so after getting his powers?

Yes. He uses his super form to give even bigger hugs. All of the rogues have a varied opinion on this development. James loves it. 

 Does Billy shock people accidentally too and become a partner in petty revenge?

Thats a great idea. Im stealing. Sorry.  ( also along that line, Barry and Wally can also do that) 

#chilly batson au #weather wizard #billy batson #ask hermes #hermes speaks #world building