#jj Maybank x sad reader

[rafesfavgirl]

her lips on your neck — j. maybank

meant to have this up last night, but i got fucked up lolz

❝ since you admitted it, i keep picturing her lips on your neck, i can't unsee it ❞

pairing: cheater!jj x fem!reader

context: late at night, you get back to the obx from a week-long trip to new york with your parents and decide to surprise your boyfriend and best friends.

words: 1.4k+

warnings: cheating (i don't condone it!!), might break you, no happy ending, ANGST ANGST ANGST

"what the fuck are we suppose to tell y/n?" you hear pope mention your name, as he sat with john b in the enclosed back porch of the chateau and immediately stop yourself from joining them, curious as to what else they had to say.

"dude, i don't know," john b shrugged at him, the expression on his face looking as if he was torn between some hard decision.

what could they possibly be talking about?

"i mean, it's not like they meant for it to happen, right?" john b continued, sounding like he was trying to convince himself of something.

"do you really think she'll see it that way?" pope asks him. "jj just slept with kie."

john b winces at pope's words like they were too hard for him to hear and your heart drops to the pit of your stomach, your eyes becoming blurry with tears as anger starts coursing through your veins.

"we gotta tell her," pope adds.

they didn't even hear that you'd entered the porch, now only standing a few feet away from them.

"you just did." the sound of your voice causes them to snap their heads towards you, both of them now completely at a loss for words. "is jj here?" you speak slowly to stop your voice from shaking.

when neither of them reply and just exchange glances, you repeat yourself. "where's. jj."

"y/n…" john b starts to stand from his seat, but you don't let him finish or get any closer, before you're barging into the chateau.

you feel your body shake as jj comes out of one of the rooms chuckling and pulling his muscle tank down.

"you didn't," you shake your head as he looks at you.

"y/n…"

when kiara comes out of the same room and steps up behind him, you get your answer.

"you did," you say, your eyes shifting from kie to jj.

"babe, i-" jj begins, taking a step towards you.

"no," you immediately cut him off and hold a hand out in front of you to stop him from getting any closer. “we’re done.”

that was two weeks ago. you hadn’t seen jj, or your friends since then, actively trying to avoid them as much as possible. that didn’t stop them from texting though.

john b and pope have checked in every now and then to make sure you’re doing okay, while kie and jj blow your phone up 24/7 with empty apologies.

j<3: i’m outside. please let me explain.

you stare at the text on your phone for a second and hop to your feet to peek out the window, where surely enough, you saw jj perched against his bike on the curb of your front lawn, waiting.

letting out a deep sigh and against your better judgment, you walk towards the front door and open it, only to find that he had walked up your front porch and was about to knock.

“hey…” his voice is small, and his baby blue eyes light up at the sight of you, making your heart ache.

by the prominent eye bags under them, you could tell he hadn’t gotten much sleep either. but wasn’t that how it should have been? he was the one who cheated on you.

you don’t say a word and just turn to walk further into your living room, jj following after you and shutting the door.

“i know you don’t owe me anything,” he continues, as you turn to look at him again, your arms crossed across your chest.

“you’re right, i don’t,” you say, trying to be cold.

it was hard, though. there was a piece of your heart that still yearned for him. a piece that you had a feeling would love him forever. no matter how badly he’s just screwed you over.

“why’d you do it?” you ask.

“i don’t know,” he shrugs. “i don’t know why i did it. we were drinking… and talking… you weren’t here, and i- i guess we just…”

“what?” you feel your hand start to shake as he tried to come up with an excuse. “got caught up in the moment?”

“y- yeah…” he glances down, and you scoff.

“god, i am such an idiot!” you run your hands through your hair and take a seat on the armchair behind you.

“y/n that’s not…” he slowly approaches you while you shake your head at him.

“i should’ve known,” you say. “it was her before me.”

jj shakes his head as he closes the distance between the two of you and crouches down in front of you, a hand landing on your knee. “baby, that’s not true.”

you glance at his hand on your knee before looking at him again. “but it is.”

“look, i fucked up, okay?” he said, his tone desperate now. “i know that. but please… please believe me when i tell you that it was a mistake. and it’s never going to happen again.”

“how can i believe that?” you ask, tears threatening to brim along your lower lashes. 

“just trust me,” he tells you.

a bitter scoff falls from your lips as you stand up and cross the room, half angry and half confused, not knowing what to think or believe.

“i did trust you, j!” you say, turning to look at him again with tears in your eyes as he gets up from his crouching position and faces you. “and you screwed me over anyway.”

“y/n…” he walks towards you, and you feel your weight shift to one foot, your body feeling a little limp. 

there was a part of you that still loved him—feelings don’t disappear just like that—but you knew you deserved better. that there was someone out there who wouldn’t even think about doing what he did.

"i love you…" he brings a hand up to caress your cheek and push your hair back, your first instinct causing you to lean into his touch, a sad smile pulling at the corner of your lips as you lock your eyes with his. "pretty girl." he closes the distance between you two, his forehead resting against yours, a tear trailing down your cheek as you closed your eyes. "i am so so so sorry. i promise— i promise, i won't ever hurt you again."

you wanted nothing more than to believe him. to forgive him. to forget. but you knew, deep down, that wasn't possible.

you shake you hear against his, sniffling. "j, i can't…"

"no, no, no," he replied. "you can. you— you have to, i can't-" he tilts his chin upwards to kiss you, and though you want desperately to let him, you push him away.

"no, jj!" you shout. "you— you can't just kiss me and think it's all gonna go away!"

"okay, okay, i'm not," he backs off a little, and then takes your hands in his, baby blues pleading. "but you need to forgive me. i could never live with myself if you didn't. i— i can't go on without you… without…" he brings your hands together and clasps his hands around them as he brings them up to his lips to kiss them softly. "your touch…" he moves a hand towards your cheek again, caressing it just like last time. "your smile…" he trails it across your collar bone and down your arm to place it on your chest. "your love… god, y/n i’ve never been loved by anyone like you."

his face falls limp against you and he drops to his knees, arms immediately locking around your hips as he rests the side of his head against you.

"please… please forgive me," his voice sounds desperate now, breaking your heart even more.

"i— i can't…" you wrap your hands around his arms and try to pull him off you, but it doesn't work—he just clutches onto you tighter. "you're just not the same person to me anymore…" you shake your head. "the jj i fell for would've never ever done anything to hurt me, but now…" you bring your hands up to your head, trying to keep it together. "god! every time i look at you… all i see is her and what you did… i— i just keep picturing you guys together and-"

"and we can fix that," jj pulls away and gets back on his feet to look at you. "i mean, it's gon' take time, but eventually… you— you can forget it, right?"

there was a hopeful look in his eyes, but you knew that wasn't enough to fix things.

you shake your head and sigh, the hope in his eyes immediately diminishing. "no, i don't think i can."

"but that— that would mean that this…" his voice cracks, his mind clearly in disarray as he motions a hand between you two. "no. this can't be over."

your watery eyes lock with his, which were now red from holding back tears. "then why is it?"

if you happen to also be a rafe girl, consider this part 2 & part 3.

reblogs and comments are deeply appreciated <33

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#jj maybank #jj #jj obx #jj outer banks #sad jj #jj maybank sad #jj angst #jj one shot #jj maybank angst #jj x reader #jj x y/n #jj fic #jj maybank fic #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x y/n #obx #outer banks

[peachpitlover]

Hidden Chapters

Pairings: JJ Maybank x Reader

Word count: 907

Warnings: Mentions of depression and self worth (lmk if I missed something)

My Masterlists

~~~

“Everyone has a chapter they don’t read out loud.” - Mel Robbins.

JJ hasn’t heard from you in just over a week. He stopped by your house multiple times, but your mom said you weren’t home every time. He knew it was a lie, you weren’t at any of your favorite spots or at work on the mainland. So he shows up at your window at one in the morning. Your light is on. He taps on your window and waits for you to open the blinds, and his heart breaks when you finally do; he’s met with teary eyes, swollen lips, and wet cheeks from crying. You’ve got a Kleenex wipe in your hand and he can spot the box of them in your desk.

“What are you doing?” He says as soon as you open the window for him.

“Cleaning,” you mutter looking down at your feet.

“At one in the morning? With tears on your cheeks?”

“I’m trying to distract myself,” you whimper as your eyes fill with tears for what feels like the millionth time today.

“From what, baby?”

“I don’t know!” You drop the wipe and sit on your bed as you let out a silent sob. You cover your mouth and squeeze your eyes shut as you try your best to stay quiet. “Everything sucks! And I’m always sad and I don’t know why, I don’t know why I feel like this. I’m so useless. I want it to stop,” you cry.

“How long have you been feeling like this, baby?” He wonders as he sits next to you and wraps his arms around you.

“A while now, I didn’t know how to tell you that I’m sad all the time and can’t stop crying when I don’t even know why. I told my mom I was sick, I only told her how I’ve really been feeling yesterday. I haven’t been sleeping either, and I don’t feel like eating.”

JJ watches as you try to hold back, clenching your jaw and digging what’s left of your nails into the skin of your palms. He’s never seen you like this, you always look at the silver lining and you don’t take things to heart. There’s a reason your contact in his phone is “Smiles” with a sun emoji, a reason why everyone you meet is so drawn to you. And his heart is shattering seeing you like this, seeing you in so much pain and not knowing how to help you.

“Come here,” he whispered and pulled you to straddle his thighs, his arms circled around your waist to hold you flush against him and he used one hand to cradle your head in his neck. “You don’t need to be strong for me, it’s ok to not feel ok,” he whispered. He didn’t know that the last part was all you needed to hear to let go of the guilt of worrying the people you loved as you wailed into his neck and gripped his shirt. “I’m right here, baby, I’ll always be right here. Always,” JJ rubbed up and down your back with his free hand. He wasn’t trying to calm you down as he knew you well, and knew you’d been holding this in for the longest time. He kissed your head and continued to whisper to you, “You’re not useless, my baby. You have the kindest heart I’ve ever been lucky enough to meet, you’re funny and beautiful and there’s a reason people flock to you, Smiles. It’s ok to cry and to feel sad for no reason. But I want you to come to me as soon as you’re feeling like this, ok?”

“Ok,” you whisper.

“You’re my beautiful girl, hm? So sweet too, the kindest soul,” he smiled. He wasn’t into the whole spiritual thing, but he knows how much it means to you. The whole soulmate thing. And maybe he was starting to believe it. “Knew I had to have you from the second I saw you being the sweetest thing to Rafe of all people. And you introduced yourself to me with a handshake, always so polite, right baby?”

“Yeah,” you breathed out. Your crying had slowly come to a stop and your breathing slowed as JJ continued to rub your back and hold you tight as he spoke so softly.

“I knew I loved you when you gave your water and snack to that homeless guy down by the docks, ‘cause I know you were so excited to have them after swimming. And you did it without a second thought, it’s like second nature for you being the amazing person that you are.”

“It gets better right, JJ?”

“Of course it will. This is just temporary, baby.”

“And you’ll always be here with me? Even when I’m a mess?”

“Always, I’ll be here through everything, Y/n.”

“Thank you JJ,” you lifted your head to look at him.

“Nothing to thank me for,” he smiled and leant his forehead against yours.

“I love you with all my heart, J. You’re everything so ever wanted love you be.”

“Don’t go and make me cry now, Smiles. I’ll love you for as long as I live, I promise you that.”

“Will you stay over tonight?”

“Yes, let’s get into bed.”

“Oh, and JJ?”

“Yeah?”

“Your shirt is on backwards,” you smile.

He just smiles and shakes his head, tugging it off and throwing it at you.

#jj maybank angst #peach’s writing #jj maybank #jj #jj obx #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank concepts #jj maybank writing #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank sad #jj maybank imagine

[obxsummer]

I’ll never quite understand why people leave hate on fanfiction.

As someone who has been writing fanfiction for 11 (almost 12) years, I’ve had my fair share of love and negativity in the comments. Nobody requires you to read it, nobody prevents you from ditching a book you don’t enjoy. There’s nothing that forces you to engage with a piece if you don’t want to. If you don’t like it, don’t read it.

Leaving rude comments on pieces is so silly and incredibly disheartening. Myself and many many others share our work with you for free. We take suggestions, requests, ideas, and share our talent for no cost, no contingencies except for perhaps a follow and engagement on posts.

Quit leaving shitty comments on someone’s hard work that they chose to share with you; I’m not talking about constructive criticism or pointing out typos, those are totally fine if the author welcomes them.

Just please be kind to each other, especially across a digital screen.

#rant over #it’s so sad?? #like i’m putting my best work out here for you #and you have the nerve to leave a rude comment? #then don’t read it #my one brain cell speaking #had to get that out #outer banks #jj maybank x reader #the summer i turned pretty

[variety-fangirl]

Love Me or Let Me Go / JJ Maybank x fem!reader

Part 1 here

Summary: after confessing to JJ that you had been in love with him for months, your relationship shifted and changed completely. Neither knew how to act anymore, but Pope helped to pick up the pieces.

Warnings: swearing, drinking, angst, sad reader and sad JJ :(, mentions of not eating properly (skipping meals, eating little amounts)

Authors note: part 2 as promised my lovelies, I hope you all enjoy! I decided to shift things and some parts from JJ's point of view also, so I hope everyone likes it 😁 I'm so glad people wanted a part 2 😊.

Word count: 3.7k

It had been two weeks since you confessed your feelings to JJ, and it had been the hardest week of your life. You and JJ had never gone this long without talking, texting, or seeing one another. It was usually no more than two days at most, and by the time you finally did see one another, you'd be inseparable. So to go a whole two weeks without talking or seeing him was absolute hell, he wasn't just the person you were in love with, he was your best friend.

He was the missing piece that made you feel whole, he was literally your soulmate. Since that first day of school when you both met as kids, that was the day you both became one being. You felt like your whole body was numb, fading into nothing. You didn't want to lose him as a friend but you couldn't help the way you felt about him. And you weren't sure you could push those feelings aside any longer.

The first week was spent mostly crying and locked away in your room, the only people you allowed in were the rest of the group. Pope visited the most, almost every day, to check on you. You and Pope had always been close but in these last few weeks, your friendship had grown. And you were thankful for that because without realising it, that was what you needed. Everyone had grown to be concerned about you in these two weeks, even your parents and little sibling had noticed that you weren't yourself.

Everyone quickly put two and two together, realising that JJ wasn't coming around. Your family were used to seeing the blonde headed boy, having him over for dinner quite often and letting him crash on the couch whenever he needed to. So your family quickly understood something had happened but didn't want to pry.

Pope knocked on the door of y/n's house, waiting for someone to answer. Y/n's mother answered with a friendly smile on her face, a sad expression lurking behind. "Oh Pope, come in!" She greeted, ushering the boy in. Closing the door she asked for him to wait a moment, "can you take this up to her? She hasn't eaten today." She asked with a frown. He nodded, "of course! I'll try to knock some sense into her." She nodded gratefully and returned to the kitchen. Pope reached y/n's door, knocking gently. "Who is it?" Pope hardly recognised your voice, it was raspy and filled with sadness. "It's me," Pope announced, walking in once you agreed. He was instantly saddened when he took in your appearance, noticing the barely touched plate of food from that morning. He sighed and made his way over, placing the plate in front of you.

"Come here." Pope held out his arms for you, watching as you immediately crawled towards him. He uncrossed his legs, allowing you to sit between them as he held you. The second his arms wrapped around you, you crumbled. The tears instantly fell, cascading down your cheeks like a waterfall. You sobbed into Pope's chest, gripping the back of his shirt as tight as you could. He hushed you softly, "it's okay, let it out." As he placed his chin lightly on your head. You weren't sure how long you stayed like this, embraced in Pope's arms but neither bothered to move until you felt better.

Pope sat down next to you, sitting with his legs crossed. You were sitting with your knees to your chest, hugging them tightly. Your head lay on the top of your knees, facing him but you weren't looking at him. Pope noticed the glassy tired look in your eyes, they were red and puffy from crying. Pope felt awful that he couldn't take the hurt away or make you feel better. It pained him to see his friend in such pain.

He was pissed at JJ, how could he not see how amazing you were? How could he not want to be with her? No one had ever fully accepted JJ so completely, flaws and all as you had. Not even John B, so how could he hurt the person who loved him the most? Pope just couldn't understand, he felt his heartbreak for you. He could see how much you were struggling without him.

By the second week, you had managed to stop crying as often. Able to mostly keep it together for those around you who were concerned. Kie and Sarah had just left, you had been able to spend the last two hours enjoying the moment without a single thought of JJ. Which was a first, until they had left at least. You made your way downstairs to have dinner with your family for the first time in a week, finally feeling good enough to leave the safety of your bedroom.

Your family looked shocked, not expecting to see you but we're happy nonetheless. Despite not expecting to see you, a place at the table had been set for you, which made you smile. "What can I do to help?" You asked with a small smile, giggling when your mother rushed towards you with open arms.

-

You sat with your family eating your mother's homemade spaghetti bolognese, missing the taste of a full meal. You had lost your appetite all week, not being able to stomach large amounts of food. So you were grateful that you were finally able to eat normally once again. Your younger sister smiled at you, passing you some bread, happy to have you mostly back to normal. You watched as your mother and father chatted about work, playfully making jokes towards one another.

You watched as your father teased your mother lovingly, placing a peck on her pouting lips with a laugh. She giggled, not being able to stay mad at him for long. You sighed silently to yourself, feeling sadness overcome you. But you refused to let it ruin your time with your family, so you simply sat there and ate your food.

JJ sat on the porch of the chateau with a beer in hand, it had been five days since you had confessed your feelings for him. He was struggling not seeing you or talking to you at all, he wasn't used to being without his best friend. You helped to keep him sane and grounded, you always looked after him and never judged him. You were more than he could have asked for in his life and he had just thrown all that away. JJ placed his head in his hands, pulling at his hair in anger.

John B walked outside, leaning against the doorframe and observing his best friend. He felt bad for him, seeing him struggle but he had also seen how bad you were suffering also. He was torn. "Hey man." John B announced his presence to his friend, taking the seat opposite JJ. JJ raised his head to look at his friend, tears in his eyes.

"I fucked up big time, didn't I?" JJ whispered, looking at his friend sadly. John B nodded, giving him a sympathetic look. JJ stood up aggravated with himself and threw his bottle across the grass, watching as it smashed. John B went and stood with his friend, grabbing his shoulder. "How do you feel about her?" John B questioned, wanting to know. Everyone wondered, JJ hadn't told anyone how he'd felt about his best friend.

JJ laughed bitterly, "I've been in love with her for years man." JJ shook his head at himself, annoyed that he didn't answer you back that night. "Dude are you serious?! So then why didn't you say that to her days ago?" John B asked, his eyebrows knitted in confusion. JJ groaned, "because I'm a fucking idiot, okay?! Every time I've tried to tell her I've chickened out because I didn't think she would fall for someone like me, I'm a mess! Hence why we are in this situation." He huffed to himself, giving his best friend a sad look.

The sound of a car alerted the two boys, John B and JJ looked over in the direction of the noise confused. Pope got out of his father's car, slamming the door behind him. "Oh, he's pissed. At me right?" JJ questioned, already knowing the answer. John B shook his head amused, knowing Pope was going to argue with JJ.

"I've just visited y/n, do you know how much you've hurt her?!" Pope yelled, making his way over to the blonde-headed boy. "How is she?" JJ questioned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Pope looked at him dumbfounded, "how is she?! Hmm, let me see. She hasn't stopped crying in days, she's barely eating and she refuses to leave her room. Does that sum up how she's doing?!" Pope was enraged with JJ's typical attitude, at that moment he wanted to punch his friend.

"That's fine! I can manage that, I think." JJ mumbled the last part, more to himself than the other two. Was he able to go any longer without seeing or speaking to you? He wasn't sure. But he supposed he'd have to. All JJ knew was that he needed to get you back and as more than just his best friend this time. "Okay, here's the plan," Pope muttered, pulling the two boys in to discuss what to do.

"Fuck!" JJ yelled, even more, pissed at himself than he was before. He felt like such an arse, he'd broken his best friend's heart. The person he loved more than anything, "I've fucked it up and I don't know to unfuck it!" JJ yelled, pulling at his hair. He didn't know what to do, he was stuck in a difficult position. "Help me, Pope. Help me get her back, i-i need her man." JJ could feel the tears welling in his eyes, clouding his vision. He turned from his friends, wiping his eyes.

He knew he'd fucked up big time but he needed you back, he couldn't imagine his life without you in it permanently. He'd his feelings in for long enough. "Fine, but she needs time to feel better first. You haven't seen how she's been, man." Pope sighed, remembering how broken and defeated you'd looked as he left.

-

Two weeks of not seeing or speaking to JJ had been absolute hell. You had been tempted on many occasions to call or text him. You had sat on your bed multiple times in the last week, pulling out your phone and hovering over JJ's contact. But you would back down last minute, thinking it better not to. You had sat there wondering if he had wanted to contact you as well, you hoped he would have but he never did. Which broke your heart further.

You had managed to pull yourself together mostly, not having cried for a few days. Pope had messaged you that morning asking you to get ready by 7 and to meet him outside your home. You had asked why but he refused to tell you, saying it was a secret. So by 6:30, you had eaten, showered and shaved, and gotten dressed in a tank top and shorts.

By 6:45 you were sitting on your bed anxiously, your knee bouncing up and down in one spot. A nervous habit you had. You were unsure what Pope was up to, your stomach felt knotted for some reason. You decided to go downstairs and let your parents know about the plans, knowing they would be more than happy that you were finally leaving the house.

"Hey, I'm going out for a while, meeting with Pope, Sarah, and Kie. I'll see you guys later." You hugged your family and walked out the door, heading towards the beach to meet the three. Sarah and Kie had rung you last-minute letting you know they would be joining, which was of course okay with you. You were happy to spend time with them, you just hoped JJ wouldn't turn up.

The sun was setting beautifully, a warm yellow-orange glow shining upon you. You spotted your three friends standing together, chatting about something you couldn't hear. "Hey!" You called, reaching the group with a smile. The first genuine happy smile you'd had in two weeks, which the group picked up on. "Hey! You look a lot better, healthy!" Kie commented on your appearance, making you giggle lightly.

"Thanks, Kie." You shook your head amused. Sarah and Pope looked at her annoyed, "really? Healthy?" Pope asked dumbfounded, Kie raised her hands in defence. "Sorry, sorry!" She laughed. "So! What are we doing here exactly? You guys were very vague on the phone?" You smiled, curious as to what you'd all be doing but grateful to be out of the house. The sun felt good on your skin, the light warm breeze nipping at your legs.

"You need to trust us, okay?" Pope smiled, waiting as you frown. You laughed, "no way! Every time I trust you guys I either get shot at, chased, or in trouble with the law!" You shook your hands around, turning away from them. You were grabbed by two pairs of arms, making you grumble unhappy. You frown at the three as you were turned around. "No, no, no. Come on, you trust me don't you?" Pope questioned with a raised eyebrow, he knew you did.

You huffed, "yes I do!" You announced annoyed, but you knew that none of them would put you openly in any danger unless you were all together. "Let's go then!" Sarah called happily, a big smile on her face. You couldn't help but smile in return, there was just something about Sarah Cameron's smile, she won people over effortlessly. Sarah linked arms with you and eyed you secretly, I hope this works, she thought.

They led you down onto the beach, allowing you to remove your sandals. You carried them in your hand, looking around curiously. The beach was empty apart from you guys and the silence allowed you to feel peaceful. They led you down the sand to a secluded corner, large rocks and trees covering the view of the road and pathway. You looked around confused when you noticed a little picnic area set up, blankets covering the sand so you could sit.

There was a bunch of food and drinks poking out the open lid of the basket. Pope, Sarah, and Kie gave you large smiles, positioning you where they wanted you. You turned to face them, your back to the picnic, "what is this guys?" You asked confused, pointing to the area. You noticed them walking away from you quickly, "where the hell are you going? Leaving me alone here! Guys?!" You yelled as they laughed, running away from you.

You watched as John B jumped out from behind the rocks and ran away with the three, "you two John B?! What the fuck guys?" You yelled again, you waved your arms around annoyed. "What is this?" You pointed, turning to look at the picnic, only to be met with a sheepish looking JJ scratching the back of his neck. You groaned annoyed, "traitors!" You yelled at the group who were walking away together.

They turned to look at you, giving you both thumbs up, "good luck!" You knew that was aimed at JJ. You sighed, turning to face JJ fully. You looked at the blonde-headed boy, he wore a button-up white shirt with four buttons undone. He wasn't wearing his usual cap, his hair was messy in a sexy way. He wore a pair of dark grey shorts and his favourite pair of shoes were placed by the picnic. He looked absolutely delicious and tempting, but you refused to show your attraction to the boy.

"Hey," JJ muttered, feeling extremely nervous. You could decide to just walk away, and never want to speak to him again. JJ could feel his palms sweating, his stomach churning nervously. He was terrified of losing you completely, you were his everything. Maybe he had already lost you, the thought made him panic. Oh God, what if I've already lost her? Shit, I'm such a fucking idiot. "JJ?" you called, noticing he looked like his mind was elsewhere.

You raised your eyebrow at the boy, waiting for his explanation. "Shit, sorry. What did you say?" He asked nervously, rubbing the back of his neck? "I asked what all this is for?" You replied, pointing to the picnic. You were nervous beyond belief, not having seen him in a while. The person responsible for your broken heart, but the same person who made you feel so many emotions. You were conflicted on how to feel right now.

"When I first noticed things were different between us, more than just friendship, I was terrified. I got scared, I've never had someone love me in the ways you do. You've never once judged me, you always stood by my side even when I would do some stupid shit." You both laughed at that part, remembering all the times you'd come to his aid, "you've always been my partner in crime, and you've always made sure I was taken care of. You see me for the real me, the me that I haven't shown anyone else, and that scared the shit out of me! So I did what I always do, I ran. I slept with that toroun that night of the party to push you away, I was scared you'd get tired of me and leave me like everyone seems to. And I know it's stupid! But I'm in love with you, I have been since that first day I met you. I'm a fucking idiot for not telling you sooner, but I just couldn't risk losing you." Once he'd finished explaining, you were shocked.

"I asked the gang to help me out, to set this whole thing up. I wanted to do something special as a way of helping me to apologise to you. Just give me like ten minutes to explain, please?" JJ begged, pulling at your heartstrings. He did all this for you, to say sorry. The least you could do was hear him out, so you agreed. JJ led you to the blanket, sitting down near each other.

You were curious as to why JJ did what he did, wondering why he had led you on the way he did. Did he want to hurt you in the end? You were sure not, he cared about you deeply. Surely he didn't intend to hurt you the way he had. You stared at him, giving him your full attention. JJ felt nervous, he had never fully opened up to anyone before. He tended to keep the full truth to himself, he'd never had a serious relationship before or someone that loved him as fully as you do.

You couldn't believe that he had felt the same, for years! You could feel tears prick at your eyes, "why couldn't you have said this two weeks ago? You could have saved us both the heartache." You stressed, a single tear falling. JJ lifted his hand and wiped the tear away, you leaned into his touch. JJ shifted closer, pulling you to fully face him. Your knees were touching, making your stomach do flips.

"Please y/n, give me another chance to fix this. Give me the chance to make it up to you and love you. I need you." He begged, his eyes glossy. You contemplated your options, he was extremely sorry and set up this romantic picnic to apologise. He explained why he did it, although you were a bit pissed that he'd felt this way for years and didn't say anything. An idea popped up in your mind.

You smiled, "only if you tell me why you stormed out of the porch that day at the chateau." JJ instantly knew which day you were talking about, an annoyed expression forming. He groaned, "because we always sit together, so when I saw you all giggly and close to Pope, I got jealous. You two looked like you were getting really close, especially when we went out on the boat." He huffed, seeming to remember the memory in his mind.

You giggled, "you do realise, that me and Pope were bonding over our mutual issue of being in love with people who don't like us back. Well, at least I didn't think you did," you felt amused that JJ had been jealous of you and Pope. JJ looked at you in shock, realisation hitting him. I'm an idiot, he thought to himself. You both laughed together about it. "So does that mean that I get a second chance?" JJ asked, giving you a hopeful look. You bit your lip and nodded, "yes, you get a second chance." JJ happily pulled you into a hug, squeezing you gently. You giggled, wrapping your arms around him. JJ's head relaxed into the crook of your neck, "God I missed you." He whispered, his arms tightening their grip on you.

Taglist: @totallynotkaibiased @sillyfreakfanparty @hiwhatsupbruv

You smiled into his shoulder, "I missed you too." You whispered, feeling JJ pull back. You looked into one another's eyes, he flicked between your lips and eyes. You both began leaning in until your lips touched. You were both apprehensive, being gentle and slow. Your lips moved perfectly in sync, picking up in speed quickly. JJ grabbed both sides of your face, your hand grabbing the back of his neck. You grabbed the hair on the back of his neck, pulling slightly, a groan leaving JJ. He grabbed your hips, pulling you to straddle his waist.

The kiss quickly became heated, "woooh! Finally!" You heard from afar, you both turned to look at your friends a distance away cheering you on. You and JJ laughed at your friends, shaking your heads. "Shall we enjoy this picnic?" JJ questioned, a big smile on his face. You smiled in return, "yes definitely." You nodded, looking at all the food and drinks he brought, all your favourites. "I love you y/n," JJ confessed with a smile, staring at you with such love and emotion. You felt your heart soar with happiness, "I love you too JJ Maybank, more than you'll know." JJ pulled you in once again with a passionate kiss.

#y/n #angst #fluff #obx imagine #obx #jj x reader #jj maybank #pope hayward #outer banks #john b routledge #sarah cameron #kiara carrera #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank x reader #sad jj maybank #sad reader

[painfulrant]

Could I get a JJ fic based of diet mountain dew by Lana del ray <3

Thank uuu

Here you are, love! I hope you enjoy. ❤️

Diet Mountain Dew by Lana Del Rey

JJ maybank x Reader

Angst!!!!

Requested ❤️

You’re no good for me

Baby, you’re no good for me

You’re no good for me

But baby, I want you, I want…

The shadows, it seemed lately, have been the only consistent thing much like the light the sun generously gifts us. Yet with each ray and with each shadow, you found yourself barely surviving. Sitting alone at a table that used to be the both of yours, you stirred the diet mountain dew sitting in front of you. You haven’t touched it… tasted it. You just simply sat, stirring lost to your own memories.

Diet Mountain Dew, baby, New York City

Never was there ever a girl so pretty

Do you think we’ll be in love forever?

Do you think we’ll be in love?

You allowed yourself a small miserable smile while you pondered whether the love you held for him would ever leave. It certainly didn’t feel like it. You weren’t sad… nor were you angry. You were empty and somehow, in some way, that was worse than any other feelings. The break up was still fresh in your mind.

Diet mountain dew, baby, New York City

Can we hit it now low down and gritty?

Do you think we'll be in love forever?

Do you think we'll be in love?

The feeling of his hands and lips against your skin seemed to be constantly there. No matter how often you wash. No matter how many times you sat in the bath or stood in the shower, sobbing and trying to scrub his scent… his touch away. He didn’t love you anymore and the idea that you were even carrying one part of him with you when he obviously wasn’t made you nauseous with sorrow and grief. Yet, even as you lay broken in the water that ran over your skin, almost as though it were trying to sooth you, you knew you carried a love for him that no one could take. Not even yourself.

Baby, put on heart shaped sunglasses

'Cause we gonna take a ride

I'm not gonna listen to what the past says

I've been waiting up all night

Your thoughts were soon interrupted by someone who sat across from you. The way her eyes were shielded and basically held heart in them, you knew that she was taken and she was very happy to be taken. She gently pushed your diet mountain dew closer to you with a sad smile, having known with one look that you now experienced what both of you were dreading. Offering a small smile, you sipped the diet mountain dew trying to ignore the past whispering and playing in your head. You haven’t slept well in weeks and last night wasn’t the first night that you just decided to give up on sleep.

Take another drag turn me to ashes

Ready for another lie?

Says he's gonna teach me just what fast is

Say it's gonna be alright

When you were half way done with the diet mountain dew, you heard the chime of someone entering the nearly empty wreck. Glancing up, you felt your heart turn to ashes, everything becoming numb when you saw him with her. JJ and Kiara stood in front of you, having not noticed you yet. You knew without a doubt that this wasn’t new… but you weren’t ready for the pretty lies he would surely offer if he did indeed spot you. The last words he muttered to you brought a shocking humorous laugh to your lips. You suppose he really did teach you what fast was, for he seemed to move on pretty d*mn quickly.

“It’s gonna be alright, kotes.” Sierra muttered from across the table, staring at you as though she felt and shared the pain that was threatening to blow the ashes to your burned out heart away.

Diet mountain dew, baby, New York City

Never was there ever a girl so pretty

Do you think we'll be in love forever?

Do you think we'll be in love?

Slowly sipping on the diet mountain dew, you didn’t try to stop the nauseating feeling from emerging once more. Unbeknown to you, every man in the room kept his eyes on you, whether it be because they cared or because they truly thought you were the most beautiful women they’ve seen. Yet the one person you truly wanted and loved, did not want or love you back. You stood and moved to walk to the bathroom, the churning growing worse with the sudden movements.

Diet mountain dew, baby, New York City

Can we hit it now low down and gritty

Do you think we'll be in love forever?

Do you think we'll be in love?

You paused upon seeing the same lips that had touched every part of your body, kissing the women who you had thought was your best friend. The sickness increased and that was when you realized that for the first time since the breakup, the tears were surely flowing. Lord knows you held all the pain and tears inside, letting it rot you from the inside out. Letting it fester into a nothing void that filled your chest and made it impossible to cry… until now. You found yourself asking if you’d truly ever be able to get over him or if this love you carried would always be with you.

Let's take Jesus off the dashboard

Got enough on his mindㅤ

We both know just what we're here for

Saved too many times

You ripped the cross necklace off, letting the sobs rack your body, not caring if anyone heard. You knew he couldn’t hear it but even if he could, he has enough on his mind that he wouldn’t give two glances towards the painful choking sounds leaving his last love. We both knew we were here to forget the pain he caused you and him to be able to move on and be with her happily. Part of you wished he’d swoop in and save the day as you had allowed him to too many times before. The other part of you whispered to you that he never would again and that you were wasting tears and emotion on someone undeserving of either.

Maybe I like this roller coaster

Maybe it keeps me high

Maybe the speed it brings me closer

I could sparkle up your eye

However, that’s when the nausea heightened to a new unbearable level, almost as though you were on a roller coaster. One you seemed to like, nonetheless. It allowed you to feel. To feel disgust and hurt. Maybe this was the only way to keep feelings, almost as though you were on an emotion high that you could only get from having your heart shredded, burned, crushed, and blown away in the wind. All by the same male. The wind would make beautiful colors, no doubt and you knew it would resemble the happiness you once felt.

Diet mountain dew, baby, New York City

Never was there ever a girl so pretty

Do you think we'll be in love forever?

Do you think we'll be in love?

Diet mountain dew, baby, New York City

Can we hit it now low down and gritty?

Do you think we'll be in love forever?

Do you think we'll be in love?

After having emptied your already pretty empty stomach, you sat against the cool wall and let yourself cry until you had no tears left. Until the aching in your chest dulled down to a study rhythm of painful throbs. Until your tear stained cheek had dried enough that it wouldn’t make your face break out. Until you felt your mind finally ease with the exhaustion that laid upon it.

You're no good for me

Baby, you're no good for me

You're no good for me

But baby, I want you, I want you

You're no good for me

Baby, you're no good for me

You're no good for me

But baby, I want you, I want you, I want you

You wouldn’t admit out loud that you still wished he was here. That you still wished he were yours. You would let yourself think it through. You would let yourself feel before you had to put on the mask of happiness and have to put on your big girl pants. You’d admit to yourself that you still so desperately wanted and missed him. That every second without him, you felt your heart detach more and more from reality, your sanity slowly slipping away while you tried to convince everyone of something you didn’t want to convince them of. That you were okay. That you weren’t slowly and surely falling apart and that you didn’t fall in a hole so deep and dark, you weren’t sure if you could claw your way back out.

Diet mountain dew, baby, New York City

Never was there ever a girl so pretty

Do you think we'll be in love forever?

Do you think we'll be in love?

Baby, stoppin' at 7-Eleven

There in his white Pontiac heaven

Do you think we'll be in love forever?

Do you think we'll be in love?

Diet mountain dew, baby, New York City

Never was there ever a girl so pretty

Do you think we'll be in love forever?

Do you think we'll be in love?

Diet mountain dew, baby, New York City

Can we hit it now low down and gritty?

Do you think we'll be in love forever?

Do you think we'll be in love?

After a while, you just sat there staring blankly at the wall, feeling nothing at all but the exhaustion that threatened to make your eyelids finally fall. You felt a weird sense of calmness… one that brought nothing but allowed you to finally breathe. You would be okay.

You're no good for me

Baby, you're no good for me

You're no good for me

But baby, I want you, I want

You're no good for me

Baby, you're no good for me

You're no good for me

But baby, I want you, I want

You're no good for me

Baby, you're no good for me

You're no good for me

But baby, I want you, I want

You would be okay because all though you wanted the only man to ever break your heart in more ways than you knew were possible, you knew that he wouldn’t and could never love you in that sense again. You knew that you would be okay because when you look around you, you realize there were still people who cared. People you couldn’t let down. You knew you’d be okay because you didn’t have any other option then to be okay. So you smiled softly, stood up and looked at yourself in the mirror. You didn’t recognize yourself but the calmness you felt gave you enough confidence to smile once more to the mirror. To the women inside it. Finally, you turned and headed back out to finish your diet mountain dew, paying the waitress for the extra wait and allowing Sierra to lead you out the door without looking back once. Even when your heart screamed and pleaded with you to turn around and go to him. It would be alright. You would be okay.

#outer banks #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj obx #sad thoughts #angst #love #heartbreak #tw depressing thoughts #diet mountain dew #lana del ray lyrics #request

[shellxrls]

need (smutty) jj asks pretty pretty pleaseee

#i have no coryo motivation it’s actually so sad #but i’m so ready to write for jj 🙏🏼 #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x reader smut #jj maybank prompt

[multifanficsblog]

summer, loving really didn't work out that well

Being at this party wasn't really my idea of how my night would go and seeing her after what happened wasn't really part of the plan either. Being a kook wasn't really how I wanted to be born as I didn't choose to be born on the rich side of the island. Although very many people judged you or would always see you as an arrogant and egoistic prick with money, I didn't want people to see me like that, and I wanted to show them that I wasn't like that    I thought I had finally met the person who saw something different in me, not just a rich boy from a rich family, but just Y/n when I was around her. I felt like I didn't have to worry about that either, I didn't have to worry about anything if I just had her, but she just didn't believe it could work out between us. She was ashamed of me or something or just didn't want to be seen with a kook but what she didn't believe

I'm standing here with a red cup in my hand with beer and just drowning in my own thoughts. I was here with my friend Topper, like the only kook male I like 

Topper: "Are you okay, man?" He asked me "Hey, that's enough man," he said, rushing to my side to take the cup out of my hands as I was about to pour another one. "You're not okay, what's wrong Y/n? You can't keep going like this. You've been like this for months already," he said concernedly.

Y/n: "I'm good toppie boy," he slurred out, "there's no need to fuss," he said, trying to get another drink but almost falling down until Topper grabbed him by his shoulders and held him up. "You know, topp, I really love you, man," he said, which made Topper smile as he sat Y/n down on a stool. "I wish there were more kooks like you, man,"

Topper:"look Y/n you guys just need to talk"he said Y/n shook his head immediately, "come on, you guys have been staring at each other all the time and not a single word has come out of both you guys' mouths" he said, making Y/n listen but stare off in the distance. “You don't need to hide Y/n I know you love her" he said, making Y/n immediately turn to look at him. “Yeah, Y/n everyone can sense it okay the way you look at her is different” as topper said that Y/n stood up from his stool and walked up to where jj and kie were talking 

JJ:”look who we have here my big friend ocean miller he said laughing and giving Y/n a bro hug” okay your definitely wasted he said as he back away from the hug Y/n shook his head and turned to look at kie 

Y/n:”Kie can we just-” before he could finish his sentence kie stormed away” fuck he said as he went to get up and follow her “kie just wait ’he said going through the crowd of people on the beach” can you move please he said to a couple who was kissing and standing in his way then he turned to run to her and grabbed her arm, but she pushed him away abruptly 

Kie: “What the fuck do you want Y/n” she said hissing and turning to look at him. “I don't wanna talk okay,” she said, making Y/n frown. “It was nothing, we had okay” she said, yelling, making Y/n’s heart break right there 

Y/n:” so I'm just a throw away fish for you right he said making kie shut up” like that summer meant nothing to you are you sure about that because it meant everything to me, i said making her look at me in shock i walked closed to her tell me than you didn't think about what we did together at all. I said, making her look down  

Kie:” just stop it Y/n- I shook my head and looked at her 

Y/n: “no, I'm sorry, but I will not lie to you anymore,” I said, smiling with pure love in my eyes. I'm not going to hide the fact that I love you,” I said, making her freeze” look kie I don't give a fuck what people are going to think not even my parents because I'm not ashamed to be in love with a girl who is part pogue okay I'm not-” before I could talk any further kie grabbed me by my cheeks and pulled in into a passionate kiss. It was like the air was thrown out of my lungs after a very eventful kiss. She looked at hem and stroked my cheeks 

Kie:” i love you too, you idiot”, she said as they kissed again this is what Y/n needed, just that one girl 

#topper #kie #carrera #kiara outer banks #xreader #fanfic #imagine #fluff #obx #obx imagine #topper thornton #outerbanks #jj #jj maybank #love #obx x reader #sad #oneshot

[maybankswhore]

“𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐄.” “𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐃.”

PAIRING: jj maybank x reader.

SUMMARY: you’re always there when he needs you.

jj hadn’t talked to you in weeks. he knew it was wrong. to just , disappear the way he did. but he couldn’t keep doing it. the whole ‘relationship’ thing. it wasn’t that he didn’t love you , because , fuck , did he love you. but he loved you too much.

he loved you in the way he searched for your face in everyone he came across. always scanning for the familiarity of you in crowds. he loved you in the way that his heart would race when you held his hand , dragging him along the shore of the beach rambling about your special interests. holding on to every word , storing it in a part of his brain that he specifically reserved for you and everything you loved or didn’t.

he loved you so much to the point that it fucking petrified him.

and so jj did was jj was the best at— ignoring the problem and hope it goes away.

he thought he could just ignore you , forget you. erase the mere memory of ever coming across you.

he didn’t want to. he knew he didn’t. and if he thought about it too long he’d cry and cry like a little boy , clutching onto himself to help self sooth the pain he had inflicted onto himself.

it was better this way. he told himself over and over. that’s what he told john b when he was confronted about your absence. that’s what he told pope who could tell he missed you dearly. he repeated it to kiara who’d scold him about ghosting you.

this way he was in control of when it ended. you didn’t have the chance to leave him , to hurt him.

to abandon him.

and maybe that’s why he was so angry.

so angry to the point that all of that sadness and hurt mixed together and blinded him from the matter at hand.

so angry he’d get into a fight at the country club and earn himself a cell to sit and think about what he did.

jj was leaning against the wall , eyes closed as he hummed some tune to distract him from what was happening all around him.

“maybank!”

his eyes shot up at the officer who looked at him in a way that made his skin crawl and eyes roll. eyebrows up , he cocked his head to the side. “yes?”

the officer unlocked the cell door and moved back , glaring at the young troublemaker. “you’re free to go. ride’s here.”

jj jumped up triumphantly , saluting him in the process. he had expected john b or pope waiting for him outside , anyone really. anyone but you.

as he walked outside and saw you leaning against your car with your eyes wide with worry , he froze in his spot. immediately his heart thumped in his chest. looking around , there was nobody else around.

“y/n?” he said lowly , cheeks flushing in embarrassment. one because he hadn’t spoken to you in weeks and two because the first time he’d speak to you after those weeks were from him being thrown in jail for fighting.

your head perked up at your name , relief flashing over you. you practically ran towards him , throwing arms around his shoulders instinctively. “jj! i was so worried about you. i-i heard about what happened and they called me because i was on your emergency list and everyone else was busy when i called so—”

“you came?” jj’s hands were frozen at his side , his chest hammering into his head. “but-”

“you called.” you pulled away and gave him a small smile. “and i’ll always answer when it’s you.”

the weight of your words hit him harder than he had ever felt before. he had always been so used of being alone , or falling into john b and pope’s arms because the pogue’s were all he had— but maybe he did have you. maybe. . . maybe you wouldn’t leave.

jj held back the tears he felt begging to flow , and his arms felt like jelly as he wrapped them around your waist and held him to you tightly. your hair still smelled the same , you still scrunched the fabric of his shirt in your hands when you hugged him.

“i’m sorry , y/n.” jj mumbled into your hair , sniffling just a bit— holding onto his composure. “i didn’t want you to leave me.” he choked back a sob as he confessed all what he had been feeling , all what he was too scared to say then. “and i know that it was selfish and i know i don’t deserve for you to be here right now but i’m so fucking scared and i hate being scared.”

you sighed. you couldn’t say you weren’t mad or upset that jj hadn’t talked to you sooner , that he just stopped answering your calls and messages.

but jj was different. and he was special. and you knew he had never been loved the right way. and you couldn’t blame him for wanting to protect himself.

you rubbed your hand down his back soothingly , fisting the fabric of shirt. “it’s okay.” you assured him. “i’m not mad at you anymore.”

jj pulled away and wiped his cheek with the back of his hand quickly. “you should be. you should hate me.”

“i could never hate you.” you shook your head , cupping his cheek gently to avoid touching the bruised parts. “i missed you.”

jj held onto your hand that held his cheek , kissing the palm of it softly. “i missed you. . .”

you looked into his eyes and saw how he looked at you. and he didn’t need to say it.

you could be patient.

“let’s get you home , j.”

#jj maybank imagine #jj maybank #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank angst #jj maybank x you #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank blurb #jj maybank outer banks #jj maybank obx #outer banks #outer banks blurb #outer banks imagines

[xveenusx]

You

Paring(s): JJ maybank x fem!reader

Summary: Request- John b's little sister grew up with JJ. Both boys are protective of her but when John B and Sarah leave on the boat, she only has JJ. She realizes she has feelings for him, not knowing he feels the same.

Authors note: I decided I could give you guys a sprinkle of fluff and slight smut after the last two pieces! This takes place at the beginning of season 2 where they believe Sarah and John b are dead.

Also, someone complained about the length of my pieces. I know they’re long but it’s just my writing style. I like for the readers to feel what the main character is feeling. If the length bothers you, then don’t read it!

_______________

Angry.

That’s how I felt.

At myself. At my dad. At John B.

When we first lost our dad, it didn’t feel real. I waited outside on the steps of the chateu hoping to see him come back on his boat. Suddenly, hours turned to days which turned into months and the hope that filled my chest shrank bit by bit until I no longer sat outside.

Instead, John B and I did what we could. After successfully evading CPS, we decided it was best to lay low. That was the thing about us, we always managed to make the best out of a shitty situation because let’s face it, being born on the cut was shitty situation after shitty situation.

Unfortunately, it felt like the stress had finally caught up to me. Being surrounded by unfamiliar people caused a bitter sense of panic to fill my very core. My anxiety had amplified tenfold as the once out going girl became completely sheltered.

It was safer that way. At least, if I isolated myself, losing someone else won’t hurt as bad as this. Because as long as I had my brother, everything else was manageable.

Losing my dad was tough, almost impossible but at least I had John B.

Until, I didn’t.

It didn’t hit me until I saw the boat capsize with my brother and Sarah in it. I was truly an orphan, in every sense of the word.

My knees had given out as every emotion crashed into my body like a violent tsunami. A silent scream leaving my body as I could no longer hold myself up.

Familiar arms caught me just as I was about to hit the floor, the rain pounded into my skin like thousands of needles. As I drew in a sharp breath, my voice impossible to find, a delicate smell of sex wax and salt filled my nose.

JJ.

“Please breathe. I need you to take a b-breath,” He pleaded, his voice shook in obvious grief. He had just lost his brother too.

I couldn’t seem to do what he was asking. I squeezed my eyes shut, willing for this nightmare to end, but thought after thought slammed into my head repeatedly. My chest squeezed tightly, so tight that I began to claw at it, desperate to relieve the tension.

Yet, nothing seemed to work. I could see him now, his image blurred due to the tears falling from my eyes. His mouth was moving but I couldn’t hear anything.

My fingers slowly started to cramp due to the lack of oxygen from my inability to calm down. The tidal wave known as anxiety pulled me deep, my vision slowly becoming black before my unconscious body falls limp in the arms of my brother’s best friend.

_________

I hated this sign.

My eyes glared at the makeshift headstone my friends made for Sarah and John B that was carved into the tree.

It served as another reminder that my brother left me.

I’ve become close friends with anger and sadness.

Our friends tried to give me a sense of stability and normalcy, one that I’ve been lacking since the moment our dad died. Kie always stopped by bringing left overs from her parent’s restaurant. Pope would help me with my homework and go over scholarship options. I knew he was trying to help me plan for the future, but we both knew he was the only one that could really get out. I welcomed the distraction and tried to enjoy the small bubble I’ve created for myself.

And then, there was JJ.

JJ was special.

He all but moved in to the chateau, never leaving me alone in my thoughts for too long. He took up a serving job at some kook club to feed us and always brought me with him. I would sit in a small corner throughout, his shifts and enjoy his company.

In a way, I think it was for him just as much as it was for me. We had both bonded over the loss of my brother and it caused an invisible string to tether us together in a way that almost felt intimate.

I blew out a breath.

Standing up, I wiped off the dirt from my thighs and flexed my hands. JJ was on his way to pick me up and take me to the annual bonfire here on the island.

When he asked me, my first reaction was an immediate no. I had avoided going near large groups of people since they believed my brother to be a murder, therefore, making me guilty by association. Just the thought of surrounding myself around those people made my skin itch.

But I also knew that we were both desperate to feel the closest thing to normal that we could find.

What he didn’t know was that feeling of normalcy could only be achieved when he was with me. Breathing was easier when he was with me, living was easier.

The familiar sound of a bike engine caused my stomach to flutter with nerves.

“You ready?”

Inhaling deeply, I turned around to see JJ leaning against his bike looking every bit as handsome as the first time I laid eyes on him. He was grinning, something he reserved just for me, with a toothpick on one side.

If he was here, then I’d be able to do anything.

“I go where you go.”

JJ’s blue eyes shined at my words. He shot me his infamous smirk that nearly caused the butterflies in my stomach to erupt.

“You got that right. Get on the bike, let’s get the fuck out of here.”

My brain was my biggest enemy. It had a tendency to disrupt whatever sense of peace I had and destroy it with every self sabotaging thought I’ve ever had.

In this case, my brain wanted to know just how many girls sat there before me.

Noticing my hesitation, JJ raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. “What’s up?”

“I just don’t want to get cooties from all the girls you let on this thing.”

He rolled his eyes. “Get your ass on the bike.”

My feet moved towards the bike as I mumbled under my breath. Stopping in front of him, JJ brushes some loose strands of my hair out of my face before grabbing the helmet that was on the seat.

I reached for it but JJ shoved my hands away, shooting me a flat look. Huffing, I stood there as JJ placed the helmet on my head, tightening the strap under my chin.

“Why do I have to wear a helmet and you don’t?”

“Because you matter.” His response was immediate.

Speechless, I said nothing more as he continued with the unnecessary pampering before he finally let me on the bike. Revving the engine, JJ kicks up the stand before reaching behind and grabbing my arm, settling it around his waist. He tapped my thigh twice to signal we were going and we took off.

I clung to his body, watching as the greenery blurred into one large mass, my thoughts doing the same.

You matter.

You matter.

You matter.

But what did that mean? What did it mean to him? What did I mean to him?

Because, I knew exactly what he meant to me.

There were small moments we shared. Our eye contact would stay on each other for a beat too long or his hands would linger just a minute longer than normal.

I knew, at least for me, our friendship had reached a very blurred line. My feelings for him seemed to consume me but I couldn’t tell how he felt. No one ever could, JJ didn’t let them.

He would say things like this that would completely throw me out of the loop. So we settled into a routine, one that resembled a relationship yet we weren’t in one.

The familiar cackle of the fire and shouts of excitement signaled that we were close to the party. Unease leaked into my bloodstream as I flexed my fingers into JJ’s shirt, the nerves sky rocketing.

JJ parked next to some truck but my focus was broken. My eyes jumped all over, taking in the scene all while trying to remind myself to breathe. People were shot gunning while others were playing beer pong, kooks and pouges alike.

Everyone was laughing and smiling, but it all seemed foreign to me. This was what I used to do, when things weren’t as complicated and dark as they were now. It felt almost wrong to go dancing and drinking when my life was in shambles.

A small touch to my wrist pulled me out of my thoughts as I turned to face JJ. A look of concern painted his face as he pressed his fingers against my wrist, checking my pulse.

“JJ, I’m fine.” I said exasperated but secretly, I adored how he took care of me. It made me feel like to him, I was different than all the other girls.

I just couldn’t decipher if he took care of me out of obligation to John B or because he actually cared for me.

He picked up this habit after I passed out in his arms. JJ always brushed his fingers against the inside of my wrist, just to double check that I wasn’t going to pass out again.

My anxiety was yet another monster I had to tackle after I lost John B and JJ was the only one that could calm me down. He weighed me down like an anchor.

“Look at me,” he demanded, his fingers lifting my chin causing my eyes to meet his.

His gaze ran over every inch of my face before a small satisfied smile played his lips.

“Do you believe me now?”

JJ shot me a wink, before cupping my face gently. “I’ll be back with tequila, don’t move.”

A small laugh left my mouth. “JJ, I don’t hang out with anyone else.”

“I’m all you can handle anyways, baby.”

My stomach dipped at the term of endearment. Laughing it off, I shooed him away and within seconds people were calling out his name, tugging him into their groups.

He seemed relax—happy even—to be surrounded by familiar people that I’m sure made him feel normal. I wanted him to have that, god, did I want him to have that.

So I ignored the nausea that nipped at my throat and spent the next five minutes looking around, hoping to spot Pope or Kie with no luck.

JJ deserved some time that didn’t involve watching me.

Only, I didn’t expect him to disappear for the rest of the night.

Hours later, I pushed passed the sweaty, overheated bodies as the bass of the music trembled through the air rattling my chest. The mass of bodies caused a layer of sweat to cover my body the further I went into the crowd. Intense rap music was being blasted instantly getting a reaction by the drug induced people around me.

Just by a simple sweep of the overcrowded property, I gave it a solid half hour before the cops showed up.

A large figure stumbled into me, beer sloshing onto my top. I gasped, stepping back slightly wincing at the cold liquid dripping down my stomach.

"Sorry," He slurred before stumbling back into the mosh pit of raging teens.

A familiar laugh rang out and almost immediately my body reacted to it. It was odd. After years of hearing his voice and his laugh, you would think I'd have gotten used to it by now, but no.

The effect he had on my body left me stunned.

My eyes were drawn to him instantly. I blocked everything else out.

His head was tilted back as he belted out another laugh. JJ was leaning against a wall with a hand holding a beer bottle loosely and the other moving as he spoke animatedly to the group that surrounded him.

His sun touched skin complimented his bright blue orbs that shined with a child-like wonder. JJ’s golden colored locks were thick and fell into a messy heap on his head, loose strands brushing against his forehead.

The black cut muscle tee he wore displayed every muscle as he continued to move his arms to accompany his storytelling.

JJ Maybank was a sight for sore eyes.

He was still talking rapidly when he glanced up and locked eyes with mine. JJ’s ocean eyes shined as he shot me a megawatt smile nearly sending me to my knees. He stopped mid-conversation and motioned for me to come over, his eyes once again gleaming with a unspoken level of affection.

I remained frozen. Sometimes this happened. I got overwhelmed by just how much I needed him.

JJ managed to knock me off my feet a solid five times a day. Each time welcomed even more than the last.

He bit his lip, stopping a smile as he bid his friends goodbye and began walking over to where I stood, running a hand through his hair messily.

I opened my mouth, not knowing what to say when a manicured hand rested itself on his stomach, stopping him in his tracks.

“Haven’t see you in awhile. Where ya been?”

Stacey Williams had this thing about her.

What it was, I couldn’t say, but it was enough for JJ to keep going back for more. She was the only other girl in his life that he gave a fraction of his attention to.

That fact alone made me nervous.

Just walk away, JJ. Please just walk away.

Instead, he took a seat next to her and shot her smile that was reserved for me.

People stumble between us, blocking my view but I could still hear them conversing.

“You know me, Steis. I’m here, I’m there. Just doin’ me.”

She let out a giggle causing me to roll my eyes. He’s really not that funny.

“You haven’t been answering my calls. I figured, tonight you could come over and we could talk.”

My stomach tied itself in knots at the silence on his end. It was almost like he was contemplating going.

“I -I can’t tonight. I came with John b’s sister.”

I winced. That’s all I was to him?

I could see Stacey lean forward and slip her hand along the open slit of his muscle tee. “She follows you around like a lost puppy, JJ. It’s almost sad if it wasn’t so weird.”

I saw him shake his head. “It’s not like that, we’re both just dealing with everything the best way we can.”

Stacey rolled her eyes before she took a sip of her drink, “JJ, your hot but please tell me you’re not that blind. The girl is basically in love with you.”

Judging by the way JJ froze, I now knew that I misjudged every interaction we’ve had to this point. He didn’t even notice how I felt.

“What-I mean-no. She’s just a girl that needs help. I mean, come on. She’s just John B’s sister.”

The only thing more humiliating than finding out the person you want doesn’t want you, is finding out they were only there for you because of an obligation.

I wasn’t special to him. I was just John B’s little sister.

I think another part of me died right there, because yet again, I have lost another person I loved.

But this time, he wasn’t gone, no—he was right in front of me, but he might as well have been a million miles away or six feet under.

Eavesdropping is the quickest way to a broken heart. Words not meant for your ears strike your heart in a brutal assault until nothing remained.

Finally, the crowd that separated us moved and I stood there stupidly staring at him.

Feeling the weight of my gaze, JJ turned his head and his eyes widened before settling into a look of guilt.

I tore my gaze off of him and looked at her. The smug smile she wore told me she intended for me to hear what he had said.

My face heated, and I glanced down at the drink in my hand. How could I be so fucking stupid?

Ignoring the sickening twists in my stomach, I tossed back the strong liquor in my cup. The burning trail the tequila left is the feeling I decided to focus on.

Spinning around, my eyes searched for another cooler, desperate to keep the burning feeling going.

“Shit-Wait,” I could hear JJ shouting for me but I kept moving.

Finding a handle of tequila, I flicked the top off and took a pull. The bitter burn fell over my body with a fuzzy warmth.

JJ knocks the bottle out of my hand.

“What the fuck is your problem?”

“Since when do you drink like that?” He asked.

“Go away, JJ. I don’t need you to babysit me anymore.”

“Listen, if this is about what I said-“

“You’re free, JJ,” my voice trembled with pain,” You don’t need to waste any more of your time on me.”

I grabbed a red solo cup, sniffing the contents, and just as I was about to chug it back, his hand slaps it out of my own.

“Will you stop fucking drinking that-“ JJ’s baby blues narrowed as he growled at me.

“What are you, my dad? You’re taking this baby sitting gig a little too seriously.”

It was, then I noticed how many eyes were on us. The music was still blasting, but no one was dancing.

My breathing picked up at the sudden attention. I dug my nails into the palm of my hand to distract my body from the ever growing panic that plagued my body.

JJ’s eye clock in on my nervous tic causing his glare to soften. A figure approaching pulled my focus off of him.

Topper strides over with a drink in his hand and a lazy smile. “Hey man-“

“Top, your wearing sandals bro. Step off.”

“I’m just saying man, she doesn’t want to talk to you.”

JJ’s eyes darkened as a threatening smile slowly graced his lips. “Wanna run that by me again?”

“I forgot that you pouges are missing a couple brain cells,” Topper lolled his head to the side and shot me a wink, “Since you’re clearly a bit slow, I’ll spell it out for you. She. Doesn’t. Want. To. Talk. To. You.”

“I dont remember you being this cocky with a gun to your head.” The words were spoken softly but the threat was clear.

A storm brewed in JJ’s eyes as the bright blue was replaced by something much darker.

My heart jumped at his tone and the look in his eyes made me swallow hard. Disgust filled me as heat began to build between my legs forcing me to press my thighs together.

Hands up on surrender, Topper shot me a look before heading back to his friends. JJ’s eyes stayed on him for a beat ensuring that he wouldn’t come back.

When he was satisfied, JJ moved towards me in quick strides making me yelp in surprise.

His ring covered hand grasped my upper arm and tugged me back to his bike. I shrugged out of his hold and crossed my arms across my chest, hoping it’ll keep a safe distance between the two of us.

I couldn’t think clearly when he was close.

“Listen-“

“No thanks.”

“If you would just-“

“Go away.”

“Can you please stop acting-“

“Why don’t you go back to Stacy? I’m sure she’d find this conversation enlightening.” I spat, shoving his reaching hands away.

“I dont want to talk to Sta-“

“Are you sure? You seemed to have a lot to say be-“

“Jesus Christ, would you just shut up?” JJ shouted with his hands in his hair.

My mouth opened and closed in shock.

“You’re the most frustrating person on this fucking island.” He growled, shaking his head in false amusement.

“Then why are you still talking to me?”

“Because it’s you.”

Throwing my hands up in defeat, I let out a bleak laugh. “What does that even mean? Stop pretending you care. Stop pretending to be my-“

“I wasn’t pretending.” He shook his head, the blue orbs pleading for me to understand,”Stacey was just saying shit to get a reaction-“

“She wasn’t wrong.”

He stopped talking and stared at me, almost confused.

My body trembled slightly with nerves as I prepared to finally expose every bit of my heart to the blue eyed boy in front of me.

“What she said—about how I feel about you. She was right. Anybody with two fucking eyes can see how I feel about you, except for you.”

I furiously wiped my eyes stop the tears from falling. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

“But now I know you only see me as John B’s little sister. It’s just humiliating that you chose to say that to Stacey instead of me.”

I was going to throw up. My stomach churned and swayed but I swallowed down the urge.

JJ let out a harsh sound, “I feel fucking guilty, okay? I feel guilty that I don’t see you the way I should. John B was my best friend and now I’m falling for his sister? It’s eating at me.”

“Then leave-“

“Shut up,” He snapped. “You’ve already got to say what you wanted. It’s my turn.”

My throat tightened as I braced myself for his confession.

“I look at you and I have to stop myself from kissing you even though it’s all I can think about.”

His eye contact seared into my very soul. I could feel it pierce my pounding heart.

“So you aren’t the only one that feels something.”

My heart was in my throat as I processed his words.

“But you said-“

“I lied.” He cut me off with a shrug and advanced towards me, clearly fed up with the distance I placed between us.

In a last ditched effort, I put up my hands to stop him in his tracks. I needed to think. I needed to breathe.

“Don’t touch me.” The plea itself was weak at best.

At the sound of my sob, JJ ignores my demand, and shoves my hands away, despite my weak attempt to keep him out of my space.

Instantly, his fingers curl themselves along my wrist and take note of my pulse. He let out a distressed sound from what I can only assume is the pounding of my pulse and whispers soothing words.

Taking in gulps of air, he slowly counts me down to a manageable pace of breathing. My shaking slowly begins to subside and my very focus is just on him.

Resting his forehead on mine, JJ whispers pleadingly, “Please stop crying.”

Another kiss lands on my nose. “I’m sorry.”

His request along with his sweet pleadings, causes my defenses to crumble down. Another sob tears from my chest as I relax into his embrace.

“I didn’t mean it.” He muttered, brushing my tears away with his thumb.

“Then why did you say it?” My words were soft, barely a whisper.

“Because she’s not important enough to know how I feel.”

Our eyes were glued to each other, a deep unknown longing singeing us together.

“You said I was just some girl.”

JJ tilted my head up, his fingers trailing softly along my bottom lip, “I meant my girl.”

“I have a lot of baggage,” I gave him one more shot at leaving.

“Good thing I have a truck.”

“But she-“

He shook his head, leaning down so there’s just a sliver of space between our lips, so close that we were inhaling each others breaths.

“You’re the only one I want.”

JJ bent down, his arms circling themselves directly below my ass, and picked me up causing me to shout out in surprise.

My hands curled onto each of his arms, my stomach fluttering at the flex of his muscles. He set me on the seat of the bike, his large calloused hands gripped my upper thighs tightly sending a wave of heat right to my core.

JJ’s half lidded eyes dart between my gaze and my lips. “Tell me to stop.”

The words never crossed my lips.

He let out a sound of satisfaction, tugging my legs open to stand in between them.

His ring covered fingers danced along the strands of my hair before nesting themselves at the root, gripping the nape tightly, "You’re mine.”

Heat instantly swarmed my belly as I drastically tried to collect my thoughts. My lips trembled as he hovered over me, his figure towering over my small frame.

JJ swiped his tongue along my parted lips before biting gently. Instantly, my body jolted forward and we were chest to chest, perfectly aligned.

My grip on his biceps tightened as I tremble with anticipation.

Finally, he pressed his lips to mine, slowly guiding our kiss. Gripping my hair tighter, he tilts my head sliding his tongue inside.

A small whimper escaped my lips causing a groan to erupt from him. Almost lazily, he pulled back slightly and pulled my bottom lip into his, sucking softly.

White hot lust seared itself into my blood. I let out a whine and pushed myself up, pressing my lips to his, desperate for another taste of JJ.

My blood was pounding in my ears as I tugged him closer. Almost lazily, I teased his mouth open and slid my tongue inside. Humming with desire, I gently sucked on his tongue causing him to flex his grip on my thighs.

JJ pulled back giving me the opportunity to catch my breath. His fingertips left a heated trail along my face as he caressed every inch.

He shook his head, laughing to himself softly,” It’s you. It’s always been you.”

______________

I love sassy JJ. Sorry for the delayed upload, I got into a car accident and am just now starting to get better:)

Please let me know what you think!! Next piece will be yummy smut with Rafe

#jj maybank #jj maybank angst #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank masterlist #jj maybank smut #jj maybank x reader #obx #obx fanfiction #obx smut #rudy pankow #rudy pankow smut #JJ maybank imagines #outer banks smut #outerbanks imagine #outerbanks imagines #outer banks fanfiction #obx3 #obx jj #obx imagine

[lovelyjj]

you can use any prompts but can u do reader and jj breaking up, mostly because he can't communicate well and he's to reckless ( maybe you could add something we're he flirts with other girls at bonfires when he's drunk) and she's not all for that ecspecially since they are starting to get older

Break Up

jj maybank x reader

wc: 1.1k

I chose “don’t do this” and “we’re done” from this prompt list! i’m still accepting requests!

warnings: kinda mean jj

a/n: sorry if this sucks

(not my gif)

“JJ I can’t keep doing this,” you voiced.

“Doing what?” JJ asked.

“Putting up with your bullshit,” you responded.

“My bullshit,” JJ laughed.

“Yeah your pulling guns on people bullshit. Stealing from drug dealers, and being reckless.”

“I’m not reckless I’m perfectly fine.”

“JJ, don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

“Don’t do this,” JJ begged.

“You know what whatever i’m leaving.” You stormed out.

You were trying to break up with JJ but you just couldn’t do it. You don’t know if it was his blue eyes looking into your soul or his sad face but you just couldn’t do it. You were putting it off.

——————

The bonfire was electrifying. People were drinking and dancing, and talking it was wild. You we’re having a good time with your friends.

JJ was on his third beer and he wasn’t planning on stoping anytime soon. It was safe to say he was a little drunk. He enjoyed drinking and being drunk, it made everything easier. He could just forget all his problems and let loose.

JJ saw a group of girls by the fire and decided to go up to them. He had liquid courage, therefore went up to them pretty confident.

“Hi ladies,” he spoke.

A tall blonde in a short black dress smiled at him and said “Hello, your JJ Maybank right?”

“Yeah that’s me,” JJ gave her a goofy grin.

“I’ve heard about you.”

“Oh yeah and what have you heard?” JJ asked.

“That your a handsome guy who knows how to have a good time,” she smirked.

“Sounds about right.”

“You have a beautiful smile,” JJ laid on the charm.

JJ continued to flirt with the blonde as he drunkenly slurred compliments at her.

“Don’t look now,” Kiara warned.

“What?” you turned around and saw what she was referring to.

There was JJ in all his glory stroking hair out of some random girls face. You were livid. How dare he in his drunken state think to hit on other girls.

You were about to walk over there when something stopped you. Kiara put a hand on your shoulder holding you back from leaving.

“Are you sure you want to do this now?” she asked.

“Yeah I’m sure.”

You marched up to JJ and demanded answers. You tapped him on his shoulder and he turned around all wide eyed.

“Listen Maybank I don’t know who you think you are, flirting with other girls right in front of my face, but you got another thing coming.”

You were getting older and you didn’t have time for all these games.

“Y/N?” He slurred.

“Yep.”

“I was just talking to some friends, no harm in that right?” JJ asked.

“Wrong. You’re being disloyal and unfaithful,” you hissed.

“How do you know? I’m just having fun.”

“Right well JJ i’m so tired SO tired of having to deal with this!”

“Then go away,” JJ casted you a unimpressed look.

“Maybe I will,” you shouted.

“Go, nobodies stoping you.”

You were pissed at JJ. He was acting like a child. You were not gonna control him, if he wanted to act like that you were gonna let him. But you couldn’t promise you will be by his side through it all.

———————

The day was bright and sunny. The sky holding the sun as it shined on you.

JJ walked into the château littered in bruises on his face. He was dreading the encounter with you because he didn’t want to worry you.

You were sat on the couch with the other pogues when JJ walked in.

“Hey J- Woah what happened? Are you ok?” You were frantic and scared for your boyfriend.

“Relax I’m fine. I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“JJ you have- you’re not gonna give me a explanation,” you sighed.

“I said I don’t want to talk about it,” JJ said through gritted teeth.

“Ya know I would really love it if you could communicate with me sometime,” you frowned.

“Yeah well we don’t always get what we want,” JJ smiled rudely.

“Why are you acting like this?”

“Suck it up princess.”

You pushed pass JJ going going out the door and onto the porch. You didn’t know what has gotten into JJ but you hated it.

——————

You and JJ weren’t on the same page. Everything seem to be crashing down. It was a disaster. JJ wasn’t communicating to you at all. All he did was blow you off and dance around your questions.

You stormed up to the château where JJ was currently staying and wanted to talk.

JJ came stumbling outside when he herd your knock and shouting. He wasn’t impressed but he showed up none the less.

“I need to talk to you,” you started off.

“You want to do this here?” JJ questioned.

You sighed, “works for me.”

“Ok what do you need to talk about,” JJ cringed he hated talking.

“I think you know,” you moved your lips inside your mouth forming a line without showing your lips.

“I don’t.”

“Ok well I think we need to have a conversation about us.”

“Which entails…”

“JJ…”

“What? You wanted to talk so let’s talk,” he gritted his teeth.

“Ok look this isn’t working. You don’t treat me right and i’m tired of it.”

“So you’re breaking up with me,” JJ put his tongue to his cheek.

“Yeah I guess I am.”

“I can change,” JJ’s voice broke.

“No JJ I don’t think you can.”

“Please give me another chance,” JJ begged.

“You don’t talk to me, your reckless and you flirt with other girls, I can’t handle it. how am I suppose to compete with them?”

“Sorry I’ve been such a shitty boyfriend.” JJ apologized.

“Well you should of thought about that before.”

“I know I don’t deserve it but if you could find it in your heart to forgive me and make this work, I would be eternally grateful,” JJ expressed with a sense of urgency.

“We’re done.”

“Y/N…”

“Goodbye JJ.”

You turned around to walk away and since you weren’t facing JJ you let a tear slip down your cheek. You didn’t want to do what you just did but you had to. JJ was hurting you, hurting your heart and you couldn’t stand it any longer. You loved him more than anything and not being with him was going to be a challenge.

JJ was your first real love. He was your person for so long until he started being careless and irresponsible. On top of that he didn’t communicate his feelings or give you any idea to what he was thinking which drove you mad.

JJ had his flaws but you loved him desperately regardless. You just couldn’t let him hurt you anymore as much as it hurt you to break up with him. So, as the tears streamed down your cheeks and with a heavy heart you said your last goodbye to JJ.

#jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #outer banks #obx #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank angst #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x y/n #jj outer banks #jj obx #jj maybank outer banks #jj maybank one shot #jj x y/n #jj x you #jj x reader #outer banks fanfiction #jj obx imagine #outer banks x reader #obx imagine #outer banks angst #jj obx fic #obx fanfic #jj maybank blurb #jj maybank fic #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank x female!reader #jj maybank x pogue!reader #jj maybank x fem!reader #jj maybank x reader angst

[peachpitlover]

i’ve been really anxious and sad lately so which idea are we feeling?

#jj maybank #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank sad #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank writing #jj maybank concept #jj maybank smut #jj maybank angst #jj maybank fluff

[cherienymphe]

Teenage Dirtbag X

JJ Maybank x Reader x Rafe Cameron

Warnings: mentions of NON-CON, DUB-CON acts, abusive relationship, domestic violence, violence (+ gun violence), gun kink, dacryphilia, attempted murder, mentions of blood, public sex, jealousy, manipulation, infidelity, underage drinking, drug use, canon ages, kook!reader

➥ banner by @vase-of-lilies | ➥ divider by @firefly-graphics

➥ series masterlist

summary: You’re charmingly spoiled. You’re too kind for your own good. You’re the princess of Figure 8 …and you’re way out of JJ Maybank’s league, but when he realizes that Rafe Cameron’s pride and joy is actually a bruised and battered damsel, he’s determined to save you.

Your rescue just comes with a price.

⭑

You blinked at JJ’s question, leaning back against the wall of the pool house.

He sat next to you, both of you facing the couch, and you tried to ignore the feel of his arm brushing against yours. Despite the fact that it was only a week ago that he was kissing you in your bedroom—and that Rafe didn’t not deserve it—you still felt wrong about the whole thing. Horrible or not, the older blond was still your boyfriend, and it was bad enough that you were hiding out in the pool house with JJ while Rafe was probably off snorting coke with his friends.

You didn’t want to make it worse by doing anything other than talking.

The blonde’s question made you eventually sigh, straightening.

“Hey…hey, you don’t have to answer anything you don’t-.”

“No…I…” you shook your head. “It’s fine.”

That was the truth.

“It’s just that I’ve never talked about any of this with anyone before…”

Your voice shrank, and you didn’t want to admit how comforting it felt to feel JJ’s hands come up to rest on your arms. It was strange to say all of this out loud to anyone, especially JJ, because you were so used to Rafe’s behavior—had been rationalizing it for so long—and you felt nervous as to how JJ would take it.

“It was my 19th birthday,” you slowly said.

You felt JJ tense, and when you snuck a glance at him, there was a deep frown on his face as he looked at you.

“We were arguing…” you sadly smiled as you thought about what it’d been about. “…because I wouldn’t have sex with him.”

You scoffed at the memory and at how you’d ignored what you thought was a little thing.

“It’d been a sore spot for a while. I was a virgin, I wasn’t ready, and Rafe was waiting longer than he’d anticipated.”

JJ’s hands fell, and he fully turned to face you, that frown remaining on his face as he listened.

“It became this whole…thing that really just pissed me off because it was my birthday,” you spat out, frowning now too. “It was my birthday party, and he was ruining it.”

You swallowed, recalling how angry and sad you’d felt that night.

“You know, I was reading up on this one day, and it said that sometimes people like him will purposely start arguments and fights on special days and holidays and stuff to make it all about them?” you chuckled to yourself, shaking your head. “They were right.”

Tears kissed your eyes, and JJ reached out to brush his thumbs underneath them.

“…because every time I think about that day, instead of remembering turning nineteen and celebrating with my family and my friends and my boyfriend… All I remember is him slapping me,” you whispered, holding JJ’s gaze. “All I remember is where it all started and how he begged me to forgive him…and how I should’ve left then.”

“Hey…”

“It was my birthday…but to me it’s just the beginning of the end. It’s the start of when Rafe ruined my life.”

JJ wrapped his arms around you, pulling you closer, and you pressed your face into his shoulder. You felt so odd—so much lighter—and you didn’t need to be a therapist to know that it was because you were finally talking about this. The blonde’s hands rubbing up and down your back was enough to make your lashes flutter.

“You know, I blamed myself for the longest time,” you mumbled.

JJ pulled away almost immediately, lips parting, and you shook your head.

“I know that it’s not my fault. I know that, now, but… I was so angry that night that I said things that I knew would make him mad,” you shrugged. “It just didn’t seem fair that I was the only one upset on my birthday.”

“That doesn’t excuse him hitting you,” JJ bit out, and you nodded with a shrug.

“It doesn’t…but…for a while I kind of believed I’d brought that on myself.”

JJ looked like he didn’t know how to take in what you’d told him, pink lips pressed together as he just studied your face. The bruising under your eye was practically nonexistent, and you shuddered when he reached up to lightly graze the skin with his fingers. You’d been exceptionally agreeable since the incident, dreading a repeat of the night where Rafe forced himself on you so violently that you’d had to strip the sheets.

JJ suddenly blinked, brows twitching, and there was an unsure look on his face.

“Can I ask you something?” he wondered, voice low, and you nodded.

A look passed over his face that you couldn’t place, and he seemed to be thinking hard about whatever was on his mind.

“A little over a year ago…”

You felt your shoulders droop, almost positive you knew where he was going with this.

“Sarah told us how you and Rafe had called the police one day.”

You sighed, recalling the story Ward had repeated. Neighbors were bound to notice a police car in the yard, bound to spread gossip, and he couldn’t very well tell people the truth.

“She didn’t know what for. Said that Ward wouldn’t tell her…”

JJ’s words died in the air as you stood, his hands falling from you. You tried not to think about that day if you could help it, and you were surprised by the quick procession of tears. JJ stood with you while you wiped your face, and you knew what he was going to ask before he even opened his mouth.

“Did you call the cops? On him?”

By his tone, you could tell that he knew the answer, and when you sniffed, JJ was there. He turned you around and pulled you against him. The reminder of that day—and all the emotions that weighed you down that evening—had more tears escaping against your will. You twisted your fingers into the back of his shirt, trembling in his hold, and JJ held you tighter.

“I thought I was going to die,” you shakily confessed. “I thought he was going to kill me.”

You could feel a shiver crawl down his spine at that.

“He was so mad,” you cried. “He was screaming and throwing glass at me and…he put a gun in my mouth.”

Your face was pressed into the crook of JJ’s neck.

“I didn’t know what else to do. I really thought…” you trailed off, squeezing your eyes shut. “It’s why I didn’t even want to talk to you. I didn’t want to go through that again for something as stupid as a smile.”

JJ seemed to freeze at that, and when he pulled away a bit, his gaze was questioning.

“What…?”

You opened and closed your mouth while JJ just stared at you, blue eyes glinting as his mind started to put the pieces together.

“What do you mean? Are you saying…?”

“No! JJ, that wasn’t your fault, it was mine.”

“Stop saying that,” he breathed. “What the hell do you mean? Are you saying Rafe did that because…?”

You rubbed your forehead, sighing.

“JJ, it wasn’t your fault. I’m the one who smiled back at you that day at The Wreck. Rafe saw.”

You swore you saw the color drain from his face, and you watched JJ stumble back, falling to sit on the edge of the couch. He was staring up at you with parted lips, and you didn’t need to be a mind reader to know that he was going over that interaction in his mind. It was such a simple and harmless interaction…one that had an almost fatal consequence.

JJ ran his hands down his face.

“…and when I told Rafe that you’d apologized to me?”

His voice was low—troubled—and when he lifted his gaze to meet yours, you only pulled your lip between your teeth. When you didn’t respond right away, you watched him exhale, shoulders sagging as he buried his face into his hands.

“JJ, that wasn’t your fault.”

I’m an idiot,” he choked out.

“JJ…” you whispered. “You couldn’t have known.”

“That doesn’t matter!”

He was standing, now, and you hated the conflict and regret you saw in his eyes.

“I knew he treated you like shit,” he spat, gesturing towards the door. “I knew it would piss him off.”

“JJ,” you reached for him.

“I just thought you guys would argue a little,” he whispered, and you rested your hand on his arm. “I didn’t know that he was…”

You held his gaze—yours pleading—as you tried to get him to see that it wasn’t his fault. You needed JJ to understand that there was no way he could’ve known. Sarah lived under the same roof as Rafe—and you half the time—and she still didn’t know. You weren’t going to fault JJ for thinking Rafe was only capable of being a little bit of an asshole.

When JJ’s hand rested on your cheek, your heart skipped a beat.

He was getting closer, and you should’ve been stopping him. The truth was that you felt safe with JJ, and you didn’t want to. The beginning of your relationship with Rafe felt like ages ago, so this safe—and excited feeling—you were experiencing with JJ felt almost new. When his nose touched yours, you placed your hand on his chest.

“I never would’ve done that if I had known…”

“I know you wouldn’t,” you reassured him, swallowing when his other hand touched your waist, fingers grazing the skin from where your shirt rode up. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay,” JJ argued. “You were right that day. I was being an asshole.”

When his lips brushed yours, you shook your head.

“JJ-.”

The rest of your words were swallowed when his lips covered yours, following you every time you tried to step back. It had been a week since he kissed you last, and the way he moved his mouth over yours told you that he would do it every day if he could. His hands were all over you, and you gasped into his mouth when they rested on the small of your back, pinning your lower half against him.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled against your lips. “I’m really fucking sorry.”

When your back met the wall, JJ wasted no time in pressing his knee between your legs, and you couldn’t hold in the shudder as he pressed his leg against your clothed mound. Things felt like they were moving too fast, so much so that you didn’t even realize what was happening until you moaned, JJ forcing you to grind yourself against his leg.

His hands were tight on your waist, and his lips had just traveled to your neck when your phone rang.

It startled you and angered JJ, the blond letting out a frustrated huff. It was Rafe—you knew it was Rafe—the other blond calling you almost every hour from the moment he’d left. JJ’s hands briefly squeezed your waist before forcing himself to pull away. His blue eyes glinted, and when you studied his face, he only shook his head.

Reluctantly, he let you go.

“Hey,” you softly said the moment you answered the phone.

You avoided JJ’s gaze as Rafe’s voice filled your ear.

“You know what? I actually think I’m gonna just head home.”

JJ’s voice reached you from the kitchen, and you only briefly glanced up as Pope responded.

“Seriously man? Now, you don’t even want to go out anymore? You made such a fuss!”

“Yeah, I know,” the blond said, and you heard Sarah say something—probably to John B. “…but I’m not feeling too good, and I think I’m just going to go home.”

Pope sounded disappointed—as did John B. —but they didn’t argue with him much over it. You were currently in the Cameron’s kitchen getting something to eat, and you had been since Sarah, her boyfriend, Pope, and JJ came inside under the reasoning that Pope had to pee.

“We’re just going to hang out with some people at the beach,” she’d said.

You could see it in her eyes then that she’d wanted to ask you to join them, but even if you hadn’t given her a look warning her off of that, Rafe’s tight grip on you was clear. If Sarah thought he was strict before, then it was nothing in comparison to how he was now after the incident at The Chateau. His phone call only moments ago was proof of it.

“How are you going to get back?” Sarah wondered, her voice pulling you from your thoughts.

“You know I’ll find a way,” JJ told her, tone light and boastful.

She made an unsure sound before letting it go.

“Well, leave before Rafe gets back. I don’t want a phone call from Rose or Y/N telling me that my brother and my friend got into a fight.”

You closed the fridge as the rest of them filed out, telling JJ to call them when he made it back to The Cut. The house was oddly quiet, and while you wanted to pretend like you weren’t alone in the house with JJ—Rose didn’t count—it was kind of hard to do when you turned around to find him at the kitchen entrance.

He was wearing some shirt with the sleeves cut off—as he often did—and you tried not to let your gaze linger on his arms.

“I hope you didn’t do that for me…”

The smirk that danced along his lips gave you your answer.

“Maybe,” he shrugged, stepping into the kitchen. “I was kind of hoping Rafe wouldn’t be here.”

“…and he could walk in at any moment…as is his right. Considering,” you gestured around. “…this is his house.”

JJ leaned his arms on the other side of the counter, gazing up at you as you grabbed a paper towel.

“Hey, I’m sure I could find some excuse if he catches me in here…”

He straightened, slowly making his way around the island, and you didn’t miss that mischievous glint in his blue eyes.

“If he manages to find me on top of you…maybe I could even tell him I forced you into it.”

“JJ…” you said, taking a step back.

He held your gaze for a few moments before looking away with a shake of his head.

“Why do you feel bad about what you’re doing? He treats you like shit,” he chuckled, but it lacked humor.

You looked away from him, shrugging.

“I’m not doing anything,” you whispered.

He didn’t respond right away, and you didn’t hear him move closer, so you shuddered when you felt his fingers grazing the side of your face.

“You shouldn’t feel bad about kissing me,” he quietly told you. “If you ask me, you should be doing a lot worse.”

When you looked at him again, he was much closer than you’d anticipated, and you sharply inhaled. Despite his cheeky nature, you could see the way his eyes dimmed as he looked at you.

“Every time I think about him…and you…I think I could kill him.”

You frowned at his confession, shaking your head.

“JJ…”

“I would if you asked me to,” he continued, moving closer. “I’d drown him in the fucking ocean.”

“You can’t-! You can’t say things like that,” you said, voice lowering.

“Why not?” he curiously wondered. “You’re telling me you don’t want him dead for everything he’s put you through? There was blood on your sheets last week-.”

“I know,” you cut him off. “I was there, remember?”

You watched JJ take a deep breath, and he seemed to be calming himself down. The silence was a little tense, and you worriedly eyed the entrance, expecting Rafe to just show up at any moment. When JJ took your hand, you tried to pull it away, but he wouldn’t let you. You found yourself between him and the counter, and your heart was in your throat.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I just…don’t understand why you’re fighting me.”

Your eyes burned, and you briefly looked towards the ceiling.

“…because,” you breathed. “He’s still my boyfriend.”

“The only reason you’re with him is because you don’t want him to fucking murder you,” JJ sneered. “That’s not a relationship, that’s a hostage situation.”

You couldn’t disagree with JJ’s assessment, and you both knew it.

“He enjoys treating you like shit…so why can’t you bring yourself to enjoy treating him like shit?”

Again, JJ’s logic wasn’t wrong, and you briefly closed your eyes with a sigh.

“…because if he caught me, he’d kill me,” you whispered.

When JJ’s hand touched your face again, you held his gaze. The smile he gave you was small, and your heart fluttered when he brushed his thumb over your skin.

“What did I say earlier?” he mockingly replied. “Let him try to kill me for fucking his girlfriend, I don’t care.”

He pressed his lips to yours.

“I just want you to stop feeling guilty over that asshole because he doesn’t deserve it.”

You chewed on your lip as he ran his eyes over your face, and when he was about to kiss you again, you shook your head.

“You should go. Sarah was right, Rafe could be back at any moment, and… That’s not a fight I think I’ll ever be ready for,” you sighed, moving from between him and the counter.

JJ seemed reluctant, but he eventually obliged, grazing his hand along your waist on the way out.

Rafe’s light snores grew quieter the moment you closed the door behind you.

He’d come to your house drunk and stumbling, too wasted to even fuck you—although it wasn’t for lack of trying. Naturally, he wouldn’t hear a word you said about drunk driving, waving you off and laughing in your face. After his second failed attempt to stay awake, he merely rolled off of you, his even breathing reaching your ears only moments later.

You’d pulled your knees up to your chest, eyeing him for the longest time and mulling over your conversation with JJ. You knew that the other blond wasn’t wrong. Rafe had done—and would do—much worse to you. Your relationship wasn’t a relationship, at all, but instead a prison, and maybe you shouldn’t feel guilty for finding some semblance of happiness. No matter where it came from.

Once alcohol knocked Rafe out, he was pretty much dead to the world for hours.

…and that was how you found yourself putting on shoes while he slept. You might’ve been more nervous and scared if you weren’t so in tune with Rafe’s patterns. There was no doubt in your mind that he wouldn’t wake up until at least noon the following day, but you still kept your steps light as you made your way down the stairs. You couldn’t stop your heart from racing, and your fingers shook while you disabled the alarm.

The walk across the lawn felt too long, and if you hadn’t already psyched yourself up, you might’ve turned around and went back inside the house. Out of paranoia, you looked over your shoulder, relieved to see that your room was still dark with no sign of movement in the window. JJ didn’t open the door right away when you knocked.

However, once fatigue faded a bit, and he realized that it was indeed you through the cracked door, he was swinging it open and pulling you inside.

“I just…wanted to sleep here for a few hours I guess,” you murmured, still feeling unsure.

JJ shifted on his feet, and you only then noticed his bare chest. The plaid pants he wore hung low on his hips, and you told yourself you weren’t here for anything like that.

“…and Rafe…?”

“So drunk that not even an earthquake could wake him,” you said with a shrug.

JJ pulled his lip between his teeth, eyeing you with a look that was hard to name. He didn’t respond right away, just staring at you and studying you. His light hair was going every which way, some hanging into his face, and one hand ran through it when the other eventually reached for you.

“I’m glad you came,” he whispered, pulling you to him.

The pool house wasn’t as big as others you’d seen—namely some of your former friends—but it was spacious enough for both a living room and a decent sized bedroom. JJ’s hand was tight on yours as he pulled you through the threshold, and you glanced around, recalling that you hadn’t been inside the bedroom since high school. The bedding was askew, obviously lived in, and you were glad your parents barely paid the building any mind outside of the yearly spring cleaning.

“Do you like staying here?” you asked him, sitting on the edge of the bed.

JJ found that funny.

“If you’d ever seen my place, you’d know how crazy that question is,” he told you, plopping down beside you. “I love staying here.”

His face was close to yours.

“…and not just because of the 100 thread count sheets or whatever.”

He shrugged at you, eyebrows waggling, and you fought back a smile.

“I guess I’ll have to see your place to give me some perspective then.”

His own smile twitched, and you didn’t like the way his face fell a bit.

“Nah,” he breathed. “That’s…not something I want you to see.”

You felt your own face fall.

“…I mean, I know things with your father are pretty…ugly, but it’s where you grew up, isn’t it?”

Your tone was a little hopeful, and you watched JJ watch you. His blue eyes shined in the darkness, and you didn’t miss the way his smile grew again. When he reached for your face, he let out a light laugh.

“Yeah…yeah it is where I grew up,” he confirmed. “I guess you’re right about that.”

He pulled you with him as he laid down, and you faced him on your side.

“We’ll have to find some way to get you back to The Cut then,” he whispered.

At the reminder of your last visit, you both grew quiet. You were sure you both were remembering that morning when Rafe came to pick you up, and you recalled your next reunion with JJ, feeling comforted that he was so worried about you the entire time. As if thinking of the exact same thing, he touched the skin under your eye, and before you could say anything, JJ leaned in to touch it with his lips.

“I really hate that you’re with him,” he said after a while, pulling away. “He doesn’t deserve you.”

You took a deep breath at that, reaching out and touching his arm, thoughtful.

“…and you do…?”

When you lifted your gaze, your eyes met his again.

“I like to think that I do,” he murmured, fingers dancing towards your chin.

JJ pulled you into a kiss, and despite the fact that this wasn’t what you snuck out of the house for, you couldn’t ignore the way your stomach flipped. In this moment, JJ felt like your boyfriend—lying in bed with you and talking to you and kissing you. It was the most relaxed you’d felt in bed for a long time, and you knew it was a feeling you could get used to…and have trouble going without.

“What are we doing?” you found yourself whispering in the darkness.

You looked between his eyes as you asked this.

“Rafe’s…asleep in my bedroom…and I…” you scoffed. “I’m here with you.”

“It’s sexy, isn’t it…”

“JJ,” you sighed. “I’m serious. Like…what are we doing?”

You were sure that your worry was all over your face.

“We don’t have to have an answer for that, right now,” was his response, hand touching your waist. “I just want to help you forget about Rafe, sometimes.”

He kissed you again.

“I want you to be with someone you don’t have to be afraid of,” he murmured against your lips. “Someone you can relax with.”

He pulled you closer, rolling you both, and when he rested on top of you, you pressed your hands to his arms.

“JJ, I don’t… I’m not comfortable with anything like that yet.”

Your lips brushed his as you spoke, and you swallowed.

“Kissing you and sneaking around to talk to you is one thing, but…”

You didn’t know why, but going beyond that in any way would make what you were doing seem too real—too deceptive. JJ didn’t seem to care about that though, pressing his lips to yours again.

“Do you trust me?” he wondered into the kiss.

“Yes, but-.”

“…but what?” his nose touched yours as he pulled back, holding your gaze. “You’re just scared because Rafe’s intimidated you and beaten you down so much that you’re afraid to do anything for yourself.”

Was that the root of it? It was true, of course, but you also still felt uncomfortable.

“I don’t know…”

“Hasn’t Rafe also been the only guy you’ve ever been with?”

You gave a reluctant nod, and JJ smiled at you.

“…and you don’t think that has something to do with it? You being scared of what you don’t know…?”

That was also true, and JJ took your silence as consent, kissing you again as his hand trailed down your frame. You made a slight noise of protest when his hand slipped between your thighs, Rafe’s t-shirt riding up. The blond on top of you swallowed it down, refusing to break the kiss, and you jerked when his fingers brushed over your underwear.

“JJ,” you said when you turned your head away, pushing at his arm.

“It’s okay,” he breathed against your cheek. “Trust me.”

When you looked at him again, his fingers were already tracing circles over where your opening was through the fabric. His blond hair touched your forehead.

“I would never hurt you,” he assured you, more pressure from his fingers, now.

You involuntarily lifted your hips, and you didn’t know if it was to push him away or get closer. You wanted to push him away, not quite okay with taking things this far just yet. In truth, you didn’t know if you’d ever be, and you thought about what JJ said. Maybe you were just scared, but did you fix that by pushing yourself to do something you weren’t ready for?

You supposed it didn’t matter, anyway.

JJ’s fingers were circling your clit, panties resting on his hand as he touched you. His lips trailed kisses along your neck, and without thinking, you threw your head back. You forgot all about Rafe who was knocked out drunk in your bed, none the wiser to JJ’s fingers sliding between your lower lips. You could feel genuine excitement, something you hadn’t felt in a long time, and you sighed when he dragged his fingers between your folds.

You could tell that JJ was being mindful of whatever lasting damage there still might be from last week.

“You’re so soft,” he murmured, lips at the corner of your mouth. “…and wet.”

You shuddered at those words and the feel of the tips of his fingers just barely dipping into you before he pulled them out.

“Do you get this wet for Rafe?”

The mention of your boyfriend had your heart skipping a beat, but the feel of JJ’s fingers massaging your soaking cunt had you answering honestly.

“No,” you breathed, and you felt him smirk against your skin.

“I want to fuck you so bad,” he confessed.

“JJ,” you warned, hand on his wrist.

“I know,” he sighed. “I know, but a guy can dream.”

You pulled your lip between your teeth.

“I think about it a lot…pushing my cock into you and watching you stretch around me…”

When you softly moaned at that, JJ hummed.

“Do you think about it too? About milking me dry?”

You clenched around nothing, aching as he circled his fingers.

“…because I do…especially in his bed,” you dug your nails into his skin. “Fucking you until you come on his sheets, letting me fill you up right where he sleeps.”

You gently shuddered, your orgasm washing over you as you wrapped your other arm around him. JJ rode the wave with you, fingers rubbing against you, playing with you as you soaked them.

“Atta girl,” he whispered against your lips, and you felt slightly disbelieving at what had just occurred.

The proof was smeared on the inside of your thighs, but even when you watched JJ place his fingers into his mouth, it still didn’t feel real. JJ wouldn’t let you go as you caught your breath, kissing you again when you finally did.

“See,” he quietly told you. “That wasn’t so bad.”

He may have been right in some aspects, but JJ’s way around words and that tempting influence of his had you worried about what else you’d convince yourself you wanted.

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[featherandferns]

orange juice (fic)

jj maybank x fem!reader | inspired by noah kahn's incredible music

content warning: mentions of drinking and drug use; mentions of abuse; mentions of bodily harm (vague, non-graphic); sexual content | feel free to message me with questions of detail if any of this concerns you before reading!

word count: 7.5k

blurb: in the most unlikely of settings, you and JJ reunite after five years apart in radio silence.

“You know, on my way here, I saw a dead rat.”

A cloud of cigarette smoke dispels into the air.

“It was funny, you know? Cause I felt bad that it was dead, even though it was a rat. I mean, I knew nobody was going to miss it, and that it didn’t have any rat family or friends which would mourn it or anything. But still…It looked like it had been hit by a car, and it was only small so it didn’t look very old, and it seemed so harmless lying there. It probably had a million and one diseases, but just laying there, it seemed harmless. And it felt weird to be sad about this thing dying which would have only maybe caused more damage if it had stayed alive – nibbling through electrical wires and all that.”

JJ takes another drag of his cigarette as he digests the anecdote.

“Anyway. This just made me think of that,” you quietly finish before sinking back into the silence.

“Did you just compare my dad’s funeral to a dead rat?”

You clear your throat. JJ watches in his peripheral as you look down at your feet and fidget your fingers.

“Shit, I guess I did.”

His eyes cut ahead the moment yours seem to flick up.

“Can’t believe that’s the first thing I’ve said to you in years.”

JJ inhales and exhales the nicotine of his cigarette. “Well, I can.”

That makes you laugh. Small and sheltered.

“I weren’t sure that you were going to come,” JJ tells you.

“Could say the same thing to you,” you reply.

Sighing, he drops the cigarette and crushes it under the heel of his boot. He probably should have worn smarter shoes. But then, why would he? Waste of money and space in his truck. Not like his dad was going to see them anyway.

“I only decided yesterday. Practically drove all night.” As if reminding himself of the sleep deprivation, JJ lets out a yawn.

“How is it, being back in Kildare?” you wonder.

JJ shrugs. “Weird. But also not weird at all. I guess I just feel old. I was driving through town and everything looks different.”

“I mean, it has been five years.”

“Jesus,” JJ chuckles, shaking his head. Had it really been that long?

He shoves his hands in his pant pockets and finally finds the nerve to take you in. His eyes scan over you like one might survey potential damage to a car after a close call. He never lets them go below your waist though. As if losing nerve, he flicks them back up to your head and meets your eyes.

“You look well.”

“Thanks. Right back at ya,” you smile.

With that smile – sweet and simple – JJ finds himself being hurled back through time to his teen years. The reminiscing of his youth and the memories that your presence stirs up feels like reflecting on a past life. Something that he almost had, and something that he didn’t exactly lose, but something that changed.

Everything had changed, really. The streets that he used to drive down with his friends, running away from security and darting to and from keggers and house parties, they all had new homes, new paint, new families. Old mom-and-pop shops were now trendy smoothie spots and hippie bars. Empty plots of land that were a good spot to share a joint had now been bought and developed into stylish holiday rentals. None of JJ’s family was left here, not even his cousin. None of his friends were here anymore either. Well, except for you. Is that what you were to him? A friend?

“It was a nice service,” you say.

“Was it?”

For someone like Luke Maybank, ‘nice’ is probably a generous term for a funeral service that’s void of cheery anecdotes and tender memories. It’s a shame that all the memories JJ held in high regard of his father – of the moments that they were bonded and close – often came with the overarching theme of alcohol or drugs. He wasn’t sure there was ever a genuine moment shared between the two. Whatever praise and pride he gathered from his dad was short lived and sparse. When his dad left the island on the boat he stole, JJ never heard from him again. And now he never would.

“Did they ask if you wanted to say anything?”

“What’s there to say? He was a guy and he died in a bender. Short and simple, I guess.”

You nod and go silent once more.

JJ knows that his answer evaded the politeness markers of small talk, but it was true. Luke Maybank was a human who lived on this earth with no mark to be left apart from those which he laid on his own child. The only way that he’d be remembered was in the nightmares that still sometimes have JJ waking up in cold sweats and reaching for the box of cigarettes by his bed.

“I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have come,” you say.

“No, it’s not…” JJ shakes his head and offers you a smile, but he knows it looks unnatural. He isn’t sure what he’s feeling right now. Perhaps everything, if that’s even possible. “I’m glad you came. I’m just tired and…well, you know.”

The funeral of my father.

“Right. Of course.”

He watches you tuck your hair behind your ears and glance towards the graves. He remembers how you used to do that when you were both younger. It was funny to him: you’d go through the fuss of trying your hair back in one way or another, but you’d always leave out a couple of strands. “To frame my face” you’d tell him, and then you’d precede to spend the rest of the day tucking your hair behind your ears. He liked it though. When you’d be concentrating on something, like surfing or fixing something up or writing, you’d lean forward and they’d come lose and hang over your pretty features. He’d want to mess with them; tuck them behind your ears for you. Sometimes he did. He remembers when you’d be on top of him, kissing him senseless, and they’d come lose and tickle his face. Somehow it would make the whole thing more sensual, with his laughs and your giggles.

He feels his face flush as the memories of nights like those creep back into his head. He shouldn’t think of you like that, not after all this time. Not with how things turned out. And especially not at his father’s funeral.

JJ had come over to you once his father was safely tucked away in the ground, six feet under. You’d attended the service at the church, hiding near the back, and then the burial, and as everybody else departed to give JJ ‘a moment’ (whatever the hell that meant), he’d turned to find you stood near a bench, lost in thought.

“It was nice of you to come,” JJ thanks.

“I’m surprised none of the others are here.”

“They don’t know. I sort of kept it close to the chest,” JJ admits. “I’m actually impressed by the turnout.”

You go to laugh and JJ sees you stifle it. It helps him ease up, smile a real smile for a second, as wicked as that sounds.

“People have layers, I guess.”

“Not my dad.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

You meet his gaze again. Your eyes make it clear that you haven’t shed a tear and neither had JJ. He wasn’t sure if maybe that would come later, once the so-called shock had worn off. He doubted it though. And yet, there was a haze of sadness about him. Death is weird as a whole. The death of a parent like JJ’s, even weirder. Maybe it wasn’t just the funeral causing the sadness. Maybe it was you.

JJ makes a move to leave but before he can even shift his foot one whole step, you’re talking.

“Do you wanna come back to mine? We could catch up. I’m sure you’ve been doing all sorts since I last saw you. Maybe have a drink or two, for old times’ sake?”

“Oh, I don’t drink anymore.”

“Oh,” you say. A pause for thought, then, “well, I have orange juice.”

It’s a strange thing to offer in place of a bottle of beer or glass of wine. Most people would say a cup of coffee. But no - orange juice: that’s where your mind went. It makes JJ smile. It seems so on-par for you to offer him that.

“Okay. Sure. Orange juice sounds good.”

“Do you need a moment, before we leave?” you ask, glancing back over your shoulder to the gravesite of JJ’s deceased father.

The dirt atop of his plot is fresh and stark brown against the green grass. JJ stares a second. The groundkeeper is dusting some muck off the gravestone. The funeral director had offered him a fine granite with award winning chiselling, after recognising JJ from the articles of El Dorado and assuming some high-placed budget. JJ had opted for a simple thing though. Cheap and likely to be hard to read within half a decade. It’s what Luke deserved. Probably what he would have invested into JJ, if the roles were reversed.

“No, I don’t. We can go,” JJ says, voice vacant. He looks back to you. “I’ll drive.”

You don’t live in your childhood home anymore. The place that you’ve settled in is a small home in a sweet looking neighbourhood. In fact, it seems the only part of Kildare that feels familiar to JJ. The front garden is quaint but well kept, with trimmed grass and flower beds that clearly garner a lot of attention and care. The fence is in need of a lick of paint: the blue fading and peeling. A sticky note is attached to the door frame of the front door and it makes JJ smile. ‘Doorbell’s fucked – shout “ding dong” really loud’.

“This is a step up,” JJ says.

“Nice, right? My neighbour is a dick though. Always complaining that I leave my driveway light on in the middle of the night. As if I can even afford to that.”

JJ chuckles as he follows you inside. There’s an instant warm smell that hits him. JJ can’t seem to describe it in any other way than that it smells like you. The interior is safe and homely. The wallpaper and wooden floors pair nicely with the throw pillows and crystals and plants and flowers. Fairy lights are strung from end to end. A kitchen, open plan, feeds nicely into a sitting room. A dining table is tucked in the corner which seemingly functions more as a desk: books piled atop with sheets of paper strewn out. There’s a small corridor to the right and the walls are lined with framed pictures which JJ can’t make out from where he’s stood. He assumes it must lead to a bathroom and bedroom. It isn’t unlived in though. There’s a small pile of clothes which need ironing; they’re sat in a basket, next to the TV. Near the backdoor is an arts and crafts project of some kind strewn about on the floor in organised chaos, blocking the exit.

It's still early in the afternoon so you don’t bother flicking on a light, instead opting to soak in the last few hours of daylight before dusk. Kie used to compare you to a cat, basking in the sun and chasing the rays until there was none left to follow.

JJ closes the door behind him and leans against it.

“You can take your shoes off, if you want.”

“Alright,” he mumbles. He toes them off and kicks them to the side, amongst a pile of your own. He notices how there’s nobody else’s shoes there: just yours, and now his.

You pour out two glasses of orange juice and turn around, handing one to him. He takes it, lost in thought. It all feels surreal, stood here with you, after a five-year pause. When you go to the sofa to sit, he assumes he should follow. You sit on opposite ends. A part of him wonders why you haven’t stretched out your legs and dumped your feet in his lap. ‘These stink’, JJ jokes, poking your toes. You wiggle his fingers off. ‘Shut up, no they don’t.’ Force of habit: he always seems to get stuck on that past. Instead, you go to pull one of your legs up onto the sofa, and JJ flicks his eyes around the room another time. He sips his juice.

“So…” You start. “Any news?”

“Well, my dad died, so there’s that.”

You kick out your leg, aiming for his thigh. “Come on now. Be serious.”

“I am; you were at the funeral. Thought you might remember that,” JJ jokes.

Rolling your eyes mirthfully, you have a sip of your juice. The sun paints shapes on the coffee table, weaving through the thin curtains that line your window. It makes your skin glow, healthy and happy. He’s torn between staring at your face and remembering every detail of your features and avoiding you completely.

“When did you move in here? It’s nice.”

“About two years ago. Mom and dad are still at the old place. They’ve rented out my room though, for tourists and stuff.”

“That’s nice of them,” JJ snorts. “How’s your brother? Is he doing good?”

“He is. He’s at college actually. Graduates later this year.”

“The fuck? That’s so trippy,” JJ mumbles, almost to himself.

JJ can remember your brother as nothing more than a preteen, sulking around the house and begging for rides to soccer practice. Now he’s nearly got a whole ass degree. His eyes naturally fixate on the dining-table-come-desk in the corner.

“What do you do for work then?”

“I’m a teacher at Kildare high.”

Of course you are. JJ smiles, eyes still fixated on the table. It seems to prompt you to continue.

“It’s kinda weird sometimes cause some of the old farts still work there,” you say.

“Oh shit. Mr Rumble still there?” JJ asks, perking up a little, meeting your gaze.

You laugh. “Mr Rummel does still work there, yeah. Still likes to bring you up to me, actually.”

“Really? In what way?”

“Just likes to add the odd little ‘you remember when your boyfriend used to steal my stapler’ kinda things.”

JJ’s laugh is different this time. The word ‘boyfriend’ coming out of your mouth has his thoughts short circuiting. You glance down at your juice and swirl it around the cup.

“Anyway, it’s a pretty good gig. I like teaching, and I actually think I’m making a difference to some of these kids lives sometimes, which is sort of strange.”

“I bet you are. You were always good at helping people,” JJ tells you. Your smile turns soft.

“Thanks, JayJ.”

The nickname is like another sucker punch to the chest. JJ takes it like a champ. Washes it down with water; pretends there’s vodka in there somewhere.

“How are the others, then?” you ask. “How are they?”

“Good. Happy. John B and Sarah are expecting a kid soon.”

“Fuck off.”

“No joke,” JJ laughs. He leans back into the sofa, reclining in the soft throw pillows. It’s strange how easily relaxed he is in this new setting. “They’re debating between two names. Esmeralda or Eton.”

“No. Please God, tell me you’re joking.”

“I wish,” JJ snorts. “Not that I got much of a leg to stand on.”

“What do you mean?” you frown. You lean over and place your juice down on the coffee table.

“JJ? Kinda dumb name.” JJ has a sip of his own before mirroring your actions.

“Hardly. ‘John James’ is pretty proper sounding to me.”

“Meh.” JJ shrugs and props an arm up on the back of the sofa.

“What about Kie, and Pope?”

“Kie is on her environmentalist shit. Investing in rebuilding the coral and things. Pope is studying like crazy. Got a good job lined up too.”

“Only Pope would get a degree when he has literal gold in his savings,” you chuckle. “Didn’t you buy a shop too, or something?”

“A little surf shop with John B, yeah,” JJ nods, smiling proud. The surf shop is something that he would always take pride in. What felt like a pipedream was now his nine-to-five. “It’s doing real good, actually. We’re thinking about expanding.”

“Well, that’s good,” you say, nodding. The two of you lock eyes. Your smile holds steady. “I’m happy for you, JJ. Really.”

“Thanks,” he says. “I’m glad you’re doing good, too.”

And now the polite small talk is over and the catch-up is done. It’s so bizarre seeing someone again after so long. So many things in life have passed – relationships, jobs, fights, conversations, achievements, ailments – but when you finally come to sum it up, it only takes ten minutes. Going through a heartbreak lasts for months, but then a year later and the relationship is summed up in a sentence or two. Time doesn’t only heal, but it also shrinks. It seems to have shrunk whatever used to exist between yourself and JJ too, as you both sit, searching for things to talk about which avoid the dark and ugly. Things which avoid the obvious.

“Do you think you’ll stick around in Kildare for a bit?”

“I don’t know. I ain't really thought about it,” JJ admits. “I weren't even sure if I was gonna go to the funeral.”

“Where are you staying tonight?” you wonder.

He laughs to himself and shakes his head, running a hand through his hair. “I have no idea. Probably just crash in my truck.”

“You’re loaded as fuck and you’re gonna crash in your truck?” you laugh. It isn’t mean when you say it. Just amused.  

“I don’t know. You don’t really get used to having money when you grew up without it. I still feel guilty buying a new pair of boots or something when my old ones ain't coming apart at the soles and shit.”

You nod. “That makes sense. Eminem had a similar thing.”

“Yeah, I’ve always thought me and Eminem were similar,” JJ deadpans.

It seems to strike well with you because you’re cracking up, laughing like he’s just told the best joke you’ve ever heard. He smiles. He always liked making you laugh. You have a horrendous laugh: truly awful. Cats in a bag being bashed against the wall-howling dog parade level of terrible. JJ loved it though. He used to tickle you just to hear it. Watching you now, head titled back, eyes shut and mouth agape, guffawing like a damn hyena…He feels like throwing up.

“Sorry, that…That was good,” you chuckle, wiping your eyes and catching your breath. “You were always good at making me laugh.”

“Fuck knows why,” JJ chuckles.

“Cause you’re funny,” you reply, as if its obvious. “You were always funny.”

It’s strange how the tone of the conversation rises and falls like a mountain range the longer the two of you sit on the sofa.

Your smile turns sombre, like when someone reminisces over a funny memory of their dead pet. Nice at first, amused, and then dampened with the reminder that those times have passed.

“It’s weird, to be honest. You’re so different now but you’re also still JJ.”

“Different how?”

“I don’t know,” you sigh. You glance around the room for a moment, as if you’d find the answer hidden in code on the spine of the books stacked on the windowsill. You look at him again. “Your face looks different.”

“It does?” JJ asks. He lifts a hand and strokes his jaw. He could do with a shave, he supposes. The vanity tries to bite through to ask how, but before he can, you’re talking again.

“You don’t drink,” you add, nodding to the orange juice still sat on the coffee table. “You’re quieter. Less…”

You seem to lose the words and so you gesture with your hands. Explosion.

“Calmer. Sadder, but not sad.”

“I can’t tell if these are good things or not,” JJ says, half-joking.

“You look at me different too.”

That makes him pause. He meets your eyes and holds your gaze, steady. The whole room shifts in a moment, from carefree catch-up to tense confrontation.

“Different?”

“Yeah. You look at me different.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” JJ mutters, going to reach for his drink.

“Yes, you do, JJ.”

Your smile is gone now. He can tell, catching it from his peripheral. Suddenly he doesn’t want to be here. Doesn’t want to be in Kildare, doesn’t want to be in this house, in this room.

“You could at least acknowledge it, you know?”

“I don’t understand—”

“It’s actually more rude to not acknowledge it,” you snip.

“I’m not being rude, I’m just making conversation. You’re the one who’s got me on blast like you’re some God damn therapist,” JJ hits back, meeting your steely stare.

“You feel like you’re on blast?”

“I feel like I’m being observed, that’s for fucking sure.”

“Maybe you are. Maybe you are being observed, JJ,” you return, voice harsh and cutting like how a blade slices through paper. “Because it’s fucking weird having you back.”

“You’re the one that invited me here.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it,” you say.

JJ takes a breath and closes his eyes. The anger never went away, despite what you’ve just told him, he just got older. Got better at hiding it. Got enough money to try therapy. He takes another moment to breathe through it. Push it down his throat and back into his stomach and let it burn out in the acid.

“I’m sorry,” you quietly say. The venom is gone. “I shouldn’t have…I’m sorry.”

He isn’t sure why – can’t pinpoint a perfect reason behind it – but behind his eyelids, JJ feels tears swell. Feels his lips twitch like a child when they hit their funny bone. His next breath in is shaky.

“JJ?”

“Just…”

His voice cracks and he clears it, shaking his head. He wants to open his eyes but he’s scared he’ll start crying, and he’s not doing that, not right now, not today. It’s not even you. You’d seen him cry before. Held him through it and patched him up; made him smile after the sadness. But he refuses to cry today because he can’t give his dad that satisfaction, even if it’s not about him. Opening his eyes, no tears escape. He reaches for the juice and downs it.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that,” he snaps. Then, softer, “please.”

You nod. There’s a quiet. Then, you move to stand and he closes his eyes again because it’s a struggle for you to stand. It’s a struggle. He rubs a hand over his mouth as if trying to shove the welling emotions back inside. There’s the sound of running water in the background as JJ tries to gather himself. The crack-crack-crack of a gas stove turning on and then the clink of metal on metal. You’ve put the kettle on, boiling water. There’s the tinker of porcelain mugs being taken off a stand. He seems to zone in on the peaceful sounds of you making coffee.

When you pour water into the mugs, he remembers the sound of your voice years back. ‘Did you know humans have the ability to hear the difference between hot and cold water being poured?’ ‘Why the fuck do you know that?’ ‘I don’t know. Just thought it was interesting.’

As the teaspoon repeatedly brushes against the inside of the cup as you stir in the instant coffee and milk, JJ finally feels all the emotions even out. As your footsteps make their way back over to him, you flick on the lamp by the front door. JJ opens his eyes to see you place a steaming cup of Joe in front of him on the coffee table. The mug is cute. It’s peach pink and says “I’m drinking tea instead of committing crimes” on the front in an innocent type-writer print.

“Cute mug.”

“Thanks. Thought of you.”

He silently laughs. You sit closer to him this time and your mug sits next to his. There’s no funny quote written across the paint. Then your hand is on his back, barely rubbing him, and it hits JJ that this is the first time you’ve touched him in five years.

“I shouldn’t have gotten so angry,” you tell him. “It ain’t my place to say any of that. Especially not today.”

“It’s true, though. That’s the kicker, ain’t it? That it’s true,” JJ replies.

He sighs and leans back, sitting upright once more. Your hand falls away and you clasp it in the other in your lap. He glances down and takes in your side profile. That stupid piece of hair has come lose again, fallen in your face. He distracts his twitching fingers by twisting one of his rings.

“I’m okay, you know,” you tell him. You look up and meet his eyes. Yours are damp with emotion, just like his were moments earlier. “I’m really okay.”

“You almost weren’t though.”

“Is that the problem? That I almost wasn’t?”

“It’s not the problem. You were never a problem.”

“I ain't mean it like that,” you tell him. You shake your head and JJ isn’t entirely sure why. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Am I the reason that you left Kildare?”

A bird calls outside and JJ seems to latch onto it like a lifeline. That question makes him feel stranded and scared. He wasn’t ready for it despite being fully prepared.

“I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so?”

“I…It ain't that simple.”

“Can you explain it to me, maybe?” you wonder. There’s no wrath to your tone anymore – no vendetta against him. There’s just curiosity and care, and this wonderful tenderness that JJ always associated with you from day one, when you offered him your cap to keep his hair off his face.

“I didn’t like the person I was in Kildare.”

“Okay,” you quietly say.

“I didn’t like how I acted. I didn’t like how reckless I was, and how I didn’t care who got hurt in the process.”

“Like me?”

JJ swallows. He doesn’t tear his eyes from yours though. “Yeah. Like you.”

“Okay,” you repeat, quieter still, nodding.

“After El Dorado, coming back here, everything felt tainted. I just…I needed to escape it. My dad and my past and…And you. I couldn’t face it. I felt like I’d caused some freak accident and had gotten away, and then I'd come back to face the aftermath and I just couldn’t stomach it. I just ran.”

You nod.

“I just ran,” he hears himself repeat. “And I’m not proud of it. Of any of it.”

“Okay.”

“And I wanted to fix things, but I didn’t know how. Every time I thought of coming back to Kildare, or picking up the phone, or going on Instagram and finding you…I just got so fucking scared, like a stupid shithead kid. I was so scared of becoming the guy I was again.”

And, again, you nod. When he doesn’t continue, you fill the space. “How long have you been sober?”

“The minute I left Kildare.”

“Fuck.”

“Cold turkey. It sucked ass. It still does. You don’t miss it any less. I miss the rage too, sometimes. I miss my dad sometimes, too. Miss him beating on me. How fucked up is that? That I miss him beating on me?”

You don’t seem to know what to say to that. You just look down at the coffee mugs and watch how the steam is slowly but surely going away.

“I am sorry. I know that ain't worth anything, but I am sorry.”

“It is worth something.” You clear your throat, voice coming out stronger when you say, “It’s worth everything.”

Your smile comes back, timid and tiny. You meet eyes for the millionth time that night.

“It feels like I’ve been ready for you to come back, for so long, and now you’re actually here and…I don’t even know where to start.” He watches your tongue dart out and wet your lips. “I wasn’t expecting you to look so good.”

“Disappointed?”

“Massively. I would have got my ass in the gym more if I knew it was a Goddamn competition.”

JJ smiles. “You were always a sore loser.”

“Says you,” you snort.

There’s another peak in the conversation after the long slug of the last dip. It’s so bizarre. So wonderfully bizarre.

“I’m proud of you, for getting sober. Do you feel better for it?”

“Depends.”

“Well, you look better for it,” you say.

“You’re drooling, I think,” JJ teases, reaching a finger out to prod your cheek.

Rolling your eyes, you mirthfully bat his hand away. “You’re hallucinating.”

“Well, withdrawal does crazy things,” he quips back.

You chuckle and shake your head. “I missed you like crazy.”

“I miss you too.”

Your lips part a little with that. Miss. You seem to hesitate to hold his gaze then, like it’s too intense. JJ feels as though he can see every emotion flash across your face in a second, like watching a car crash in slow motion. Surprise, shock, joy, anger, then sadness. It’s that sadness that hammers hard when you speak, voice weak.

“You left without saying anything, JJ. For five years. You just left me.”

“Don’t make it sound like that. Like I abandoned you.”

“But you did,” you whisper. The tears are back. You’ve both fallen from the top of the mountain. “You abandoned me.”

“You don’t get it,” JJ replies, voice suddenly thick.

“I was in it with you.”

“You didn’t see it,” JJ forces out. His tears are falling: they didn’t wait this time. “You didn’t see how it looked – how you looked. You looked so fucking fragile and tiny and small and your leg was so bent and twisted and black – it was black – and I thought you were already dead.”

Your breathing is shaky and broken. The two of you sit on your sofa in the sunset, eyes locked, tears streaming, chests heaving like you’ve run a marathon. The word ‘dead’ hangs in the air and haunts the room.

“I thought you were dead, and I thought it was because of me.”

“Do you hate me for it?”

“Why the fuck would I—”

“Because I didn’t die? Do you hate me for it?”

JJ blinks back his bewilderment. He physically shifts back in his seat, as if you just spat in his face. Horrified, he tells you, “Of course I don’t. Why would you even ask me that?”

“Because I’m still here, JJ. But you acted like I wasn’t for five years. You didn’t even come see me in the hospital. Didn’t sit with me in the ambulance. Hell, you can’t even look at my leg now! You think I didn’t notice? At the graveyard, and now. You think I can’t see it on your face?”

JJ whispers your name in a tearful plea. Stop.

“I’m still here, JJ. And I invited you back here, and I went to the funeral, because I wanted to see you.”

“To show me what I did?” JJ asks, harsher than needed.

You hold his gaze. “To show you I’m okay.”

He shakes his head, insistent. “It was my fault. If I hadn’t been drinking and if I’d been thinking straight, I would have never let you jump off the bike like that. It was fucking reckless and stupid and I would never, ever do it again. It was all my fault.”

“I don’t care who’s fault it was, JJ,” you whisper. Your hand reaches out and traces his cheek and jaw, and he can’t help but lean into your warm touch. There you sit, cradling his face as if he was the victim in this whole thing. It calms him almost immediately. “Nobody forced me on that bike. Nobody forced me to jump, not even you.”

“I shouldn’t have let you.”

“JJ,” you sigh.

He closes his eyes as you shift in your spot, and somehow you end up with your forehead pressed against his. He reaches out one of his hands for the other of yours that rests in your lap and he clenches it, tight. You’re both still crying but they’re silent tears now.

“I forgive you, JJ.”

He shakes his head whilst you nod.

“Yes, I do, I forgive you. I always have. You know why?”

He doesn’t speak. Doesn’t move.

“Because you were dealt the shitest hand I’ve ever known and look who you are. You’re sober, and you're healthy, and you have loving friends and a steady income and a job which you love, and a boathouse, and so much of your life left. And you didn’t kill anyone. You didn’t kill me, JJ. You didn’t even lose me.”

“I don’t—”

“We’re more than our mistakes.”

When JJ opens his eyes, you pull back enough to let him meet your gaze. As if you know what he’s about to ask, you smile. That smile…JJ feels like he’s coming home.

“You’re more than your mistakes, JJ.”

The moment his lips slot against yours, tentative and hesitant, like a bird exploring new ground for the first time, he’s home. There’s hardly a moment of reluctance, of confusion and mismatch from the time passed, before you’re kissing him back. The softness of your lips against his and the brush of your tongue. The sigh in your voice and the tilt of your head. It’s so seamless and sweet and safe. JJ feels safe here, with you. He feels like all the shit doesn’t matter. He feels like sober might actually be synonymous with happiness, with you. When he lies you down on the sofa, JJ doesn’t want to leave this room, this house, or Kildare. He wants to stay here, worshipping you, breathing you in until you consume all of his senses, because after five years, nothing has made him feel as alive as this. As you.

Everything is a wonderful illusion of being rushed and well-paced all at once. He revels in the way your skin gives gently beneath the scrape of his teeth. When he sucks at your throat, the skin is so delicate, and this close to you JJ can smell nothing but your perfume. He wants to fucking drown in it.

“Fuck, I missed you,” he pants. You’re gasping too. Fingers sliding through his hair, down his sides, along his face.

“I missed you,” you whine.

And that phrase gets repeated over and over like a mantra or a prayer. He hears himself whispering it against your skin with every button he undoes on your blouse. Basks in the sound of your voice, older and mature but still you, as you say it whilst pushing his dress shirt off his shoulder.

There’s a stalling pause when his fingers finish tracing down your stomach to your pants. You seem to notice it. Your hand comes to his face and thumbs at his cheek. They’re still sticky from dried tears.

“JJ,” you whisper, coaxing his attention back to your face. You’re glowing. You’re happy, you’re healthy, and you’re here. “It’s okay.” Nodding, you repeat. “It’s okay.”

Then, he watches your own fingers land on the button of your pants, slowly undoing it. Then the other and the third until they’re lose. He watches you wriggle out of them, pulling them down, struggling somewhat from the tight position on the sofa. Watches the scars emerge, faint but clear, and how they grow and spread like ivy on the side of a house. They merge with the cellulite and stretch marks. With a random bruise you must’ve gotten from hitting your leg on the table the other day. They’re a part of you – plain and simple. At the knee, there’s the connection for your prosthetic right leg. Once your trousers are off, JJ finds himself reaching out to touch it. This thing that he was partly responsible for, this marvel of medicine, the reason you can walk. He loves it and hates it desperately all at once. Glancing back up to your face, you’re watching him just as carefully as he was watching you. But you’re smiling.

“You’re okay,” JJ finds himself saying quietly. Because you are. You’re here, laying almost bare before him, just like you had years before.

“It’s rude to make a girl wait, JJ,” you tease.

With that, JJ’s smile is blossoming back like the returning of spring flowers following a brutal winter. He leans forward and catches himself above you with his arms, kissing you like you’re all the oxygen in the world. Your left leg rubs at his calf, still covered by his trousers, and you giggle against his mouth.

“Fuck, I missed this,” you say. “I missed you.”

“How much?”

“So much,” you say.

“Oh yeah? What’d you miss?” JJ persists, kissing down your neck.

“Your mouth,” you say through a moan. His hands slip behind your back and unclasp your bra. You arch your back enough for him to tug it off.

“My mouth?” he wonders, breathing it against your skin. You’re practically writhing. JJ laughs. “What about my mouth?”

“Don’t be a jackass, JJ,” you mutter.

“You want my mouth?”

“Yes,” you quietly beg.

“You do?” he checks, kissing over your breast, sucking at your nipple. “Where do you want it?”

“You fucking know where,” you sigh, impatience shining through.

He grins at the sudden hitch of your moan as he softly nips at the sensitive skin around your nipple. Then he’s kissing down your stomach until finally his fingers hook into the sides of your panties. He slowly, tauntingly, pulls them down. You kick them off at the ankles, a clear act of frustration, and he bites back his laugh.

“What? Here?” JJ plants a kiss to your hipbone. “You want my mouth here? Or…”

Another kiss, to your pelvic bone.

“Here?”

“Fuck you, Maybank.”

“You wanna?”

“I swear to fucking God,” you huff, laughing through the annoyance.

With that, JJ settles himself between your legs and praises you like you deserve to be. The noises you make are downright evil, considering he can do nothing about it and has to hold it together. You taste so familiar on his tongue.

“Fucking missed you,” he groans against you.

When he sucks on your clit, your hands latch into his hair. Your back is arching and you’re gasping and panting and desperate, and JJ feels like a young God. Pulling back, he slips a finger into your hole and it welcomes him so easily. He cusses at how wet you are.

“Come on baby. Come on, I know you’re close.”

The tells of your body haven’t changed since the last time you two were in this position. The way your mouth hangs open in a silent moan when you fall over the edge is so surreal to see after five years apart. He feels you spasms around him and basks in the scratch of your nails against his scalp as you try to ground yourself. He hardly has time to suck his fingers clean before your pulling his mouth to yours and kissing him stupid.

“Fucking missed you,” you repeat against his mouth, making him laugh. “Nobody fucks me as good as you.”

“Jesus Christ, you can’t say shit like that,” JJ chuckles. “Won’t last.”

“Don’t care,” you say. “Only thing bigger than your ego is your dick.”

JJ can’t help but laugh at that. He loves your giggles in response. And then your hands are shoving at his trousers and the humour is gone, replaced with nothing but raw lust and desperation. There’s nothing performative about it, when the two of you hurry to strip his clothes away as soon as possible. He takes note to get his socks off. You’d always had a weird thing about it, sex in socks, and nothing was going to taint this night. Not after so long.

Being inside you…JJ missed it more than all the alcohol and weed in the world. Nothing compared to the feeling of you clenching around him. The vice of your leg hitched up and over his back as he grips into your thigh, mean and firm, perfecting the angle. The senseless, endless whines falling from your agape mouth, eyes closed tight, lost in the feeling of it. JJ wants nothing to be less than perfect for you, for this. Every stroke, every kiss, every clench of his fingers…it all has to be perfect. He knows when you’re close and he’s more than fucking relieved. It’s taking everything in him not to come. He needs you to fall over the edge first.

“Do the thing,” you whine. “Do the thing, John.”

With that, JJ remembers five years back, to late nights and later mornings spent rolling in bed with you. He bites into his lip, holding back his shit-eating grin as the memories flood back, and he leans forward to your ear. Gently taking the lobe within his teeth, he croons into the shell of your ear.

“That’s my good fucking girl.”

And finally, you fall apart, taking JJ with you like you always would.

When the high finally passes and the endorphins settle down, the two of you are laying on the sofa, only covered by a throw blanket JJ had dragged down from the back of the sofa. You’ve somehow shuffled so you’re laying mostly atop of him. His arms are locked around your damp stomach like a vice, nose nestled into your hair, just behind your ear, breathing you in with every inhale.

“Will you stay in Kildare, just for a short while? For me?”

JJ wants to laugh but he knows how wrong that would be in this moment. The humour doesn’t come from the question, but from the notion that he’d leave after finally having you back in his life, safe and happy, after five long years.

“Anything,” he whispers, pressing a kiss against your hair. Anything for you.

-

“You look like shit by the way,” JJ says.

His hands are warm in his cargo pant pockets. Head tilted down and gaze steady, he sighs.

“Guess you didn’t have chance to clean up though, right?”

Shockingly, the gravestone says nothing back. Well, says nothing asides form Luke Maybank in barely legible font.

It still feels surreal, that his dad is gone. That they’d never remedy anything, or even attempt to fix their relationship. That JJ wouldn’t be able to face him and show him what he’d become. How he’d risen past it all and grown from the pain and the agony. That he’d taken the shitty hand that he was dealt and turned it into nothing but flushes and full houses. That he hadn’t grown into a petty criminal or a tax-evading lowlife, but a strong, good-willed, well-intentioned man. The thought, bittersweet at heart, makes him smile.

“I’m happy dad. I know you probably hate that, being dead and all, but I am.”

As if on cue, there’s the high pitch giggles from afar that catch JJ’s attention. He glances over to spot you and your wonderful mini-you, sitting on your shoulders, waving at him. He waves back, small and short, smiling.

“I’m glad you never met her,” JJ tells his dad, never tearing his eyes away from the pair of you. You ease her off your shoulders and take her hand, pointing to a small bed of daffodils. “I was so scared I’d be bad at this. I was so scared that I’d be like you.”

She’s so fragile as she picks a flower free from the bunch, holding it by the stem, up to you. You nod and presumably smile in approval.

“But I’ll never be like you. She’ll never know what it feels like to live in fear,” JJ states, firmly. He looks back down to the grave. “I’m not your mistakes, and I’m not mine.”

He lowers to a squat and wipes some of the dirt off the stone, revealing the dates. “Happy birthday, dad. You suck, and I hope you’re finally at peace.”

“Daddy, daddy…”

There’s an insistent tug at his jacket sleeve. JJ smiles and looks down at the best mistake he ever made. Mistake is a strong word. ‘Oops, I think is better’, you’d said when you first showed him the pregnancy test.

“What’s up, bub?”

“I found this flower. Can I give it to papa?”

JJ takes the daffodil and glances to the grave. A brief moment of anger passes over him like the breeze of winter. He doesn’t deserve this. He isn’t your papa. I’m glad he’s dead. But he closes his eyes and breathes. Your hand squeezing gently at his shoulder tells him you’re there. It helps ground him.

“Yeah, bub. I think that’d be nice,” he smiles, handing it back.

She giggles as she puts it on the grass just before the stone. Her laughter is brighter and louder still when JJ scoops her up as he stands, looping her around him until she’s a backpack.

“You wanna get ice cream?”

“Hell yeah,” you whoop.

“Hell yeah!” mini-you copies. JJ laughs.

“Alrighty, lets go.”

As the three of you make the small walk back to the car, you intertwine your fingers with JJ’s, holding his hand tight and secure. JJ takes one last glance back at the gravestone. It all began here, in a way, the re-introduction to a life he thought he’d lost. Perhaps the nicest thing JJ’s dad ever did, the kindest act he ever performed, was dying. Perhaps that was his way of paying him back for all the crap he gave.

“Hey.”

JJ glances down at you.

“You okay?”

He smiles. Then, he nods. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.”

Everything is going to be okay.

#JJ #JJ Maybank #JJ x reader #JJ Maybank x reader #jj x oc #jj maybank x oc #outer banks #outerbanks #outer banks jj #outerbanks jj #outer banks jj x reader #outerbanks jj x reader #outer banks fic #outerbanks fic

[painfulrant]

Part Four: The Night

JJ Maybank x Reader

Part Four

Angst, Fluff

Once they arrived back at the Chateau, JJ was out of the Twinkie and on Y/n’s side of it in seconds, holding his arms in the position she instructed with hopeful and excited eyes. She couldn’t help the smile and giggle that left her lips before she gently laid the newborn in his arms. Grabbing the remaining bags and box she got, she followed J and the baby inside.

“I may need your help setting up the crib.” She called out to him when she noticed him trying to sneak away with the baby.

“You got a crib?” He asked, walking backwards and sticking his head around the corner.

“Yeah, they have it in this box. It’s not a very good one… it was only $49.99 but it was small enough that I could pack it around and it’d work for the night.” She called back over her shoulder, putting the baby’s bottle in the microwave for 15 seconds.

“What’re you doin?” He asked, moving so he and the baby stood waiting behind her. She turned and leaned against the counter waiting, a small grin tugging on her exhausted face.

“I’m warming his bottle.” She answered before hearing the beeps of the microwave. Grabbing it out, she covered the tip before shaking it and gently letting some drip on her wrist to test whether it was too hot for the baby.

“What’re you doing now?” He questioned, watching her every move.

“Testing the bottle to see if the milk is too hot for the baby.” She answered moving towards them.

“Is it?” He questioned looking at the bottle as though it were his soul enemy. A small laugh sounded around them, Y/n shaking her head.

“No. It’s not gonna hurt him.” She reassured him. “Give me the baby, and then grab the crib and baby clothes please.” It wasn’t so much a question but rather a demand. When he reluctantly handed the baby over, she gave him a sweet reassuring look.

“He’ll be here when you’re done setting the crib up and I’ll even let you finish feeding him.” With that, she gently swood the baby while walking with the bottle in hand, heading towards the guest bedroom. She heard him whisper mocking her under his breath, drawing a shake of the head and a knowing smile from her.

Carefully sitting down, she grew comfortable with her knees up and her back supported by the wall, all while making sure the baby was comfortable.

“You’re safe now, my precious boy.” She whispered softly, gently bringing her face down to give him butterfly kisses. “Now let's get you fed.” She offered, bringing the baby bottle to his mouth. She made sure to tilt it just right, propping her arm up with pillows, while exhaustion plagued her.

JJ sat on the living room floor trying to figure out how exactly to put the crib together. It had been about five minutes and he was already about to give up. However, as he clipped the last piece together, a surge of pride rushed through him while he fisted the air, a small ‘whoop!’ coming from him. Grabbing the crib, he slowly and steadily moved it down the hallway and opened the guest bedroom door when he stopped with wide eyes. On the bed, Y/n laid with her hair in a messy bun, a soft glow of love all over her skin, sleepy eyes, and a baby in her arms, feeding.

He stared awe struck for several moments before Y/n finally noticed him and tilted her head in confusion.

“What’s wrong?” She slurred out from exhaustion.

“You’re beautiful.” He answered immediately, surprising himself when he realized he had said it out loud. A soft smile formed on her lips, a smile that made his heart speed up and warmth form in his cheeks.

“Wanna feed him?” She whispered, the baby’s eyes fluttering open and close every few moments. She breathed out with a soft sigh, looking down at the small baby in her arms.

“He’s fighting sleep.”

That was all that was said before he quickly set the crib beside the bed and moved to sit beside her. She gently sat up, removing the bottle from the half asleep newborn, bringing out a round of weak cries. He was soon placed in JJ’s arms, Y/n setting the pillows up under his arms and giving him the bottle for the baby.

“How..” He began but stopped feeling embarrassed from his lack of knowledge.

“How what, my love?” She encouraged softly, sitting forward to grab the baby clothes.

“How do I feed him?” He rushed out, looking up waiting for the judgment he was sure to receive. What he got instead was a warm smile and loving eyes that shocked him.

“Here. Hold the bottle at this angle-” she instructed once more, moving his hands so he was doing it, “and then make sure he doesn’t choke on the milk. You hold it at that angle to make sure he isn’t getting too much air when he’s drinking.”

“Alright.” He nodded, switching his eyes between the baby in his arms and his baby who sat beside him, pulling tags off a newborn pj onesie and a onesie with pants and a newborn button up shirt.

“These are his outfits for tonight and tomorrow.” She answered, looking at the bag that laid on the bed with horror that shortly turned into disappointment.

“What?” He asked, not liking the look on her face. He knew it wasn’t directed at him but somehow that made it worse because he knew it meant that she was disappointed in herself.

“I got diapers and baby powder… but I forgot the baby wipes.” She whispered defeat. He looked down, having just realized the baby wore nothing beneath the blanket.

“Well lucky for you, he hasn’t pooped.” He stated, guessing that was the end of the conversation and hoping it would cheer her up. It didn’t though.

“Yeah but we gotta get the dirt off him and if he does poop then we’ll have nothing to wipe him with.” She answered, looking at him with tears in her eyes. Tears that made his mind and heart scream at him. He hated when she cried, it tore his heart.

“Cupcake, we have rags and working water. John B finally paid the water bill.” He announced. Looking down at the now sleeping newborn, he smiled. “He’s asleep. I actually put him to sleep!” He whisper-shouted with excitement causing a bubbly laugh from his love, doubling his pride and joy.

Not only did he put a baby to sleep but he also got his love to laugh during a stressful situation. Two birds, one stone. This was going to be a fun night.

#jj maybank x reader #jj mayback imagine #sad thoughts #newborn #outer banks #angst and fluff #JJ maybank father #part 4

[wordsarelife]

—how you get the girl 

pairing: jj maybank x fem!routledge!reader

summary: the pogues don’t seem to be on the same page at dealing with your break up

warnings: cussing, fighting

notes: this was originially planned as my get him back fic for the guts masterlist, but i realised, that it didn't really fit the theme, so i just finished it differently lol

chaotic is my favorite type of genre... so enjoy!!!

"shit" kiara bend down and grabbed the book that just came flying out of the window

"oh they aren't done yet" said pope, outstretching his hand and catching another flying book.

"should we.. say something?" sarah looked at her friends questingly

"hell nah" john b shook his head

"this is just normal behaviour for them" kie let herself fall down in the lounge chair

"normal?" asked sarah, before she screeched in shock, diving out of the way before the shoe could hit her

"yeah" shrugged pope "we're used to this by now"

"aren't you like scared that you sister will get hurt?" sarah turned her head to john b, who just shrugged

"she's the one throwing things"

"o-kay" sarah sat down beneath the window in the hope to not get hit with anything "i'm sorry that i'm just grasping that now, but aren't they like in a happy relationship? why don't they just break up if they don't get along?"

"they never break up" said kiara "they don't fight often, but when they do, it's over"

"believe me, you don't want to be near them when it happens" john b exchanged a look with pope "one time pope accidently walked in on them fighting and y/n screamed at him"

"she's worse than my mother" said pope and he looked like he was having war flashbacks

"he cried" concluded kiara

"oh wow" sarah nodded, slowly understanding what was going on

the group stopped talking as the door got opened and jj and y/n stepped outside.

"hey guys!" kiara smiled innocently and sarah quickly noticed that it was best to act as if they didn't hear what had been going on "how are you both?"

"oh just fine" you said, smiling at your friends "jj and i broke up"

"you did what?" john b leaned forward and kiara mirrored his shocked facial expression

"so.. this is not normal, yeah?" whispered sarah, leaning over to pope

"eh, this never happened before" replied pope while not taking his eyes off of the broken up couple, watching them like a hawk

"we decided that it would be best if we ended things" jj said shrugging "it's as simple as that"

"simple?" asked kiara and she looked like her eye was twitching

"yes..?" you asked, not quiet grasping why everyone was so upset about your break up

"you've been dating for the past four years" john b flailed his arms dramatically "you can't just break up!"

"of course we can" you argued "because we just did"

jj looked at the time on his phone, before he held it up in your direction. "it's half past two"

"alright" you stood up and followed jj off the patio

"wait, where are you going?" kiara looked between you both and the rest of your friends

"i'll take her to work and then help my cousin in the workshop"

no one said a word at that and you guys left.

pope looked between his friends, shock still evident on his face. "so this is the new normal?" he whispered

"relax, they can't hear you" sarah laughed and all eyes went to her. none of the other found anything remotely funny in that moment

"i jinxed it" murmured kiara "i told sarah that they never break up and look where it's gotten us"

"why do you freak out about this?" asked sarah confused "i mean, of course it's sad, but if they say it's for the better?"

"uncharted territory, baby" john b declared dramatically

"yeah" kiara nodded "they are happy for a long time, then they have a big fight, they make up, which is disgusting, but works and then.. rinse and repeat"

"you got used to them dating so we can just get used to them.. not dating, right?" sarah questioned

"it's not this easy" kiara shook her head

"yeah, they've been together since puberty started and i think that had a big impact on who they are now" john b explained

"that's ridiculous" sarah laughed "she's your sister, you know her better than anyone"

"i knew her when she was dating jj and before that when she was pining after jj" john b gasped "i don't think i know her without him in the picture"

"john b" sarah sighed. she couldn't really believe what was going on right now. the pogues had always been pretty chill and normal, well obviously not when it came to the dating life of their friends

"he's right" pope said, interrupting sarah's train of thought. "you know jj and y/n, sarah. they are pretty unpredictable, but while they were together they would calm each other down"

"now they are like two wandering fire hazards" kiara exclaimed

"okay" sarah sighed "when you're so worried" she thought for a second "why don't we split up and watch them until they are done with the break up and hopefully not co-dependent anymore"

"pope?" john b turned to the boy

"it could work" pope nodded "as long as we keep possible outbreaks to a down low and maybe keep them away from each other, no one will get hurt"

"you're talking as if they would actually errupt like a volcano"

"we aren't joking, sarah" kie looked to the boys "the week before they started dating, the chateau nearly burned down"

sarah just nodded silently, not quiet believing what she was hearing, she would change her mind pretty quickly

sarah and kie drove to the ice cream shop you were working at, while pope and john b watched visited jj at his cousin's workshop

"ladies" you smiled as you noticed kie and sarah sitting at a table you served.

"hey girl" kie smiled brightly and sarah send her a confused look, until kie slapped her arm

sarah made a surprised sound, before she quickly said the first thing she could think of "howdy"

you send her a puzzled look, before you left the menu "i'll be back in a few minutes to take your orders" then you left the table still watching them suspiciously

"howdy?" kie asked horrified

"it's the first thing that came to mind"

"this is gonna be a long day" kie murmured "hopefully the boys are better at this than we are"

pope and john b had managed to be even worse

"so..uh single huh?" pope outstretched his arm to lean against the car jj was working on, but underestimated the distance and nearly knocked the mirror off

"relax, okay?" john b whispered

jj got up from under the car "i guess, yeah"

"so how about a tinder account?" before jj could answer pope's question john b had elbowed him in the stomach. pope bend over

"okay, what going on with you? you are acting stranger than usual" jj looked from one to the other

"we're.. adjusting" john b explained

"yeah, you and y/n have been together for forever"

"hhm" jj nodded "we dated a pretty long time"

"yeah, you shouldn't just give up on such a long relationship"

"i don't know guys" jj walked around the car to open the hood "we decided this together and she seemed happy with the decision"

"i bet she's crushed and just didn't want you to know" pope argued

"yeah" john b nodded enthusiastically "you know y/n, she's always trying to be tough. she's with the girls right now, i bet she's feeling horrible"

"i just feel so relived, you know?" you were currently joining sarah and kie at their table while you were on your break. each of you devouring your ice cream.

"you go, girl!" sarah encouraged

"i mean the time we were together was amazing, but i just think we need to let it go"

"do you still love him?" kie asked leaning forward

"i guess" you shrugged "i don't think you can just stop doing that"

"i think you made the right decision" sarah nodded and kie send her a wide eyed look "you should know when a relationship isn't worth staying for"

"you're right" you looked at your phone to check the time "thanks guys, but i need to get back to work" you stood up from the table and walked back into the kitchen

"okay what was that?"

"what?" sarah "i just tried to help"

"by telling her she made the right choice?"

"she didn't?"

"yes…no" kie shook her head "i don't know, okay? what i do know is that it's always been y/n and jj as long as i've known them. they might seem fine, but nothing will ever be the same and they were really great together"

"that might be true, kie" sarah smiled emphatically "but we need to respect our friends decision. and when y/n thinks she made the right one then we have to trust her" kie nodded slowly "we cannot force them to upkeep a relationship, just because we are scared that their break up will destroy the friend group"

"you're right"

after your shift ended you left the shop together with kie and sarah, who had waited for you. "you really didn't have to wait for me" you smiled while you climbed in the backseat of kie's car.

"no problem" kie smiled

"we just want you to know that we're here for you" sarah turned around to look at you "to catch you if you should fall"

"o-kay" you breathed confused "why would that happen exactly?"

"are you kidding?" sarah laughed "you just left a long term relationship, no need to hold back your tears"

"i don't really do crying"

"alright" kie interrupted, before sarah could give you anymore unsolicited advice "let's just get you home"

"so you really think it's worth another shot?" jj stood infront of the flower shop. pope and john b to each side of him

"she will so happy to have you back" john b encouraged

"yeah, bet she's crying her eyes out right now" pope grinned

"bro" john b shook his head at the boy

"y/n doesn't cry" jj said absently his eyes on the yellow chrysanthemums "okay" he nodded "i'll do it"

"there you go brother" john b patted his shoulder while pushing him towards the entry

pope and john b waited outside the shop for jj to return, while jj was being advised by a girl that seemed to be working in the shop. pope snapped a quick picture of jj inside the flower shop and send it to kie

you were sitting on your bed in the chateau, while kie and sarah were preparing snacks for you in the kitchen. they had practically begged to wait in your room.

your eyes flew over the words on your book page, when a sudden sound peeked your interest. it was kie's phone that had just received a message. your curiosity got the better of you and you unlocked the phone.

pope had sent a photo of jj inside a flower shop a cute girl talking to him. your eyes grew big and then you noticed the caption that sealed the deal. how you get the girl

it was almost instantly that tears blurred your vision and you wiped them away in confusion. you turned kie's phone around and got up from the bed, sitting down on the floor in front of it, opening the drawer underneath it.

the drawer was filled with jj's things and memories of your time together. that made you cry even more. you grabbed the first hoodie you could find and pulled it over your head. then you sorted through all the stuff, your bedroom floor quickly being filled with things from your past.

"woah" sarah nearly lost her hold on the bowl of chips as she noticed you on the floor "seems like she does cry" she whispered in kiara's direction

"hey sweetheart" kie sat down on the ground beside you and opened her arms so you could crawl into them

"he's moving on so fast" you cried "i want him to be happy, but not with my favorite taylor swift song"

sarah and kie exchanged a confused look 'what is she talking about?' sarah mouthed, but kie just shrugged

"guys?" john b's voice could be heard from the front door "jj is with us"

the mention of his name made you cry even harder

"could you deal with that?" kie asked and sarah nodded, walking out of the room

"i don't think she should see you right now"

"what's wrong with her?" john b asked worriedly

"she's crying"

"y/n's crying?" jj put the flowers on the kitchen counter and tried to walk around sarah

"yeah" sarah shrugged "we told her the break up was the right thing to do and she seemed fine. but now she's crying her eyes out"

"y/n doesn't cry, sarah" jj seemed serious now

"you told her the break up was the right decision?" john b asked and sarah nodded

"we told jj the opposite" pope whispered loudly

"i can hear you" jj rolled his eyes "can i see her, please?"

sarah stepped aside and jj walked into your bedroom, followed by the rest of your friends

"y/n" he said as he noticed your crying form

you looked up at his voice and jj's heart broke as he noticed your sad expression, but then your face quickly changed. you seemed angrier than any of your friends had ever seen you. you got up and tried to charge at jj, luckily kiara could hold you back just before you were able to hit jj with an uppercut

"woah" jj raised his hands jumping back at your outbreak

"my favorite taylor swift song? really, jj?" you screamed and tried to free yourself from kie, but her hold wouldn't budge

"what are you talking about?" jj screamed back

"the flower shop girl" you cried "you obviously moved on quicker than i did"

jj send a panicked look in his friends direction. “how do you know about the flower shop?”

“so you admit to flirting with her?”

“no?” jj asked baffled “so?” he urged

“i read a text pope send to kie” you shamefully admitted, reaching for the phone on the bed and holding it in jj’s direction.

his eyes flew over the display quickly, looking at the photo and reading the caption. “how you get the girl, pope? really?” he was as angry as you had been a second ago and could now totally understand how you had misinterpreted the photo without it’s context

pope looked guilty. “he was getting flowers for you, y/n!” he tried to explain “i just took a photo without context but i was hinting the song at jj getting you back! you have to believe me”

you looked at the boy and saw the sincerity in his eyes. “i do” you nodded “where are they?” you turned your head at jj

“where is who?”

“the flowers” you rolled your eyes but he could see a smile forming on your face

“they’re in the kitchen”

you followed him out of the room, where he presented you with the flowers. “you got yellow chrysanthemums for me?” you said softly tears welling up in your eyes again

“i think you permanently changed her” he joked to pope, who smiled uncomfortably. jj turned back to you “of course baby, i would do anything if i can get you back. breaking up was the dumbest decision ever, don’t you think?”

“yeah” you laughed. “broke your heart i’ll put it back together” you whispered, leaning your forehead against his.

“i would wait forever and ever” jj smiled, and then he kissed you and all was well.

“and that, my friends, is how you get the girl” said sarah, crossing her arms happily, all while she ignored her friends protests at her not really seeing the importance of the situation like they had all begged her to at first. instead she just watched y/n and jj kiss and smile at each other.

#jj maybank x pogue!reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x reader #jj mayback imagine #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank x routledge!reader #john b x sister!reader #outer banks jj #outer banks #taylor swift #how you get the girl #how you get the girl (taylor’s version) #1989 tv #1989 era #1989 taylor's version

[rafesfavgirl]

treat you better — j. maybank

❝ tell me, why are we wasting time on all your wasted crying when you should be with me instead? i know i can treat you better ❞

pairing: best friend!jj x cheater!reader

context: once again, you went through your boyfriend's phone and found things you didn't wanna find. but for some reason, you can't seem to build up the courage to finally end things with him (he was your first love, after all). so, you turn to your best friend, jj, for advice and comfort.

words: 1.4k+

warnings: reader's in a toxic relationship, mild cheating (physical & emotional, but i don't condone it!!), a little angst, fluff

you sat at the edge of the pier at the chateau, your eyes focused on the way the moon reflected off the marsh. you had just snuck out of your boyfriend's house after he fell asleep and you looked through his phone.

adriana. kelly. paige. maya. lauryn. the number of girls' names you found in his insta dms and messages went on and on.

why did you put up with this? i mean, sure, he was your first… everything, but was he really worth it?

"y/n?" you hear a familiar voice call out your name and turn your head to find jj walking down the dock to join you. "what are you doing out here?"

"just needed some time to think," you said, looking back out towards the marsh.

jj lets out a sigh, already having an inkling of what must be bothering you, and takes a seat beside you. "let me guess… liam again?"

"i just don't understand why it can't just be me," you shrug, a thousand things running through your head. most of the time, liam told you the girls were just his "friends". but deep down, you always wondered whether or not he took it any further with any of them. and that thought, alone, made you sick to your stomach.

"i mean, am i doing something wrong?" you turn your head to look jj, only to find that he was already looking at you, a certain kind of sadness filling his baby blues. he hated that you even thought you were the one in the wrong.

"it's not you, y/n. whatever he's doing, it's on him," he tells you. "stop putting up with it."

"but i love him, j," you admit, your voice cracking a little. you knew that you shouldn't. he was a scum bag. nothing but a cheater. but he was also the guy who made you feel like the most special girl in the world. the one you'd completely laid yourself bare to. "what am i suppose to do about that?"

the defeated look in your eyes broke his heart. but instead of listing off different ways you could deal with liam, jj decides to be a friend, and opens his arms up to you, "come here."

for the first time all night, you let yourself break, and immediately fall into his arms.

"i just don't get it," you sobbed into jj's chest, as he ran a hand through your hair and rested his head on top of yours,

in an attempt to soothe you. "i've done everything, j." you continued. "everything he needs from me, i do. everything he wants me to be, i try to be. so why can't he just let the other girls go? why can't i just be the one?"

hearing you cry about this guy was not only breaking jj's heart, but also making his blood boil. liam didn't deserve you, he knew that much.

after a few minutes in silence of jj just running his hands through your hair and pepperring soft kisses on your head, you finally pull away from him, looking like a complete mess.

there were now black stains under your eyes from crying some of your mascara off, and pieces of your hair stuck to your tear-stained cheeks, as you sniffled.

"i'm sorry," you said, attempting to rub off the mascara stains also leftover on jj's shirt. "your shirt's all stained with tears and mascara now."

"i don't give a shit about my shirt, y/n," he tells you, bringing a hand up to tuck your messy hair behind your ear. "are you okay?"

you sighed, the tears threatening to well up in your eyes again. ugh. after hearing yourself going on about the way you've felt about liam treating you, you were beginning to wonder whether or not it was really love you were feeling for him or not.

but if it wasn't love, why did you still feel like crying?

"i don't even know anymore," you say honestly, shaking your head and running your fingers through your hair. "i mean, how do you even go about loving someone who's hurt you so much?"

"you don't," jj tells you.

"you don't think i love him?" i asked. i wasn't sure why i was asking jj, but i also knew that he knew me better than anyone. maybe even better than liam. so if there was anyone who could tell whether or not i was in love… it'd be him, right?

"i can't tell you how you feel, y/n," he says.

"i'm not asking you to," i reply. "i just wanna know what you think."

he sighs, and shifts his eyes between yours. he knew exactly what he wanted to say, but he wasn't sure it was his place to do so—more so, he wasn't sure you'd like his take.

"promise you won't get mad?"

you chuckle, feeling uneasy now. "why would i get mad?"

"i think you're scared," he says, causing you to furrow your brows.

you scoff, thinking he sounds ridiculous. "scared? why would i be scared?"

"because he's your first," he shrugs. "i mean, he was your first, right?"

"so? what does that have to do with anything?" you ask, knowing damn well the information was relevant.

"i know you, y/n," he says, locking his eyes with mine. "you're a hopeless romantic who has your head buried in those romance books all the time because that's what you want. you want your first to be the one. and you're a perfectionist. you can't stand the idea of putting your all into one person only for them to not be worth it… so all this time… that's what you've tried to do."

you stay quiet. jj was actually making sense.

"i'm not saying you didn't love him," he continues. "i think you really did, but the love you felt before isn't what you're feeling now. i think it's just indifference. you don't want to believe that you've actually lost feelings for someone you've fought so hard for, so you try to convince yourself those feelings are still there. because that way… at least you won't be the bad guy."

your mouth had fallen agape, as you realized that jj was right. "wow."

"but you're not the bad guy anyway," he assures you, placing a hand on top of yours. "you've done all you can. what he does isn't your fault. your only fault would be staying."

"but what if he's fucked me up so bad that i've become unlovable?" you ask, voicing your real fear. truth was, you weren't always the best girlfriend. since liam made you feel so insecure about his feelings towards you all the time, it made you act out in ways you never thought you would. you'd call him incessantly when he wouldn't answer. you'd demand he cut certain girls off. ask for his location at all times. he saw the absolute worst of you. and yet, he stayed. what if no one else did?

"is that really what you think?" jj asks.

"i wasn't always the perfect girlfriend, j," i admit, glancing down and fiddling with his fingers on top of mine. "i was insecure all the time. i constantly-"

"because he made you feel that way," jj cuts you off, and picks your head up with his hands to make you look at him. "don't you get it, y/n? whatever you did, it was because of him. anyone made to feel insecure would act out. that's not your fault. you're just…" his eyes shift between yours. "human."

"but what if-"

"but nothing," he shook his head. "you are the absolute perfect version of yourself, y/n. and liam's an idiot for not realizing that. it doesn't get better than you."

without even thinking and being overwhelmed by the sweetness of jj's words, you lean in to kiss him.

he doesn't even hesitate to kiss you back, his hands on your face immediately tangling into your hair. 

your hands make their way to back of his head, the kiss deepening as they do.

your tongues dance together in perfect harmony, until you abruptly pull away.

"wait, wait, wait," you say, and he looks at you, a mix of confusion and sadness at the lost of touch present on his face. "this feels wrong."

he glances down, "oh."

"no, not like that. i mean-" you take a deep breath to get your words together, while jj just looks at you. "the kiss was great. amazing, even. it's just… i'm still technically liam's girlfriend."

his eyes light up at the compliment about the kiss, before he chuckles, "shit."

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