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regulusandpandora · 11 months

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So, I've known I was a Regulus kinnie for a while now, but lately, I've been really relating to James and Sirius and I think I've finally figured out why.

Sirius is my anger and my guilt and my pain and my trauma. He didn't spend years trying to please his parents the way Regulus did, but he still is always comparing himself to others, still feels he will never be enough. He was me before the bitterness went numb, when I hated everyone and everything and wished that everyone would see just how much I was struggling under my smile, when I wanted to hurt everyone else because maybe then they'd understand how I feel. He is me when I start to act like my mother and it makes me feel a bit sick, because, does this mean I'm becoming her? I don't want to be her. He is me when my anger gets ahead of me and leaves me staring at its destruction. He is me when I look at my siblings and see strangers and realize they've stopped asking me to play with them. He is me joking about my problems but never really acknowledging them because then that makes them real, that makes me broken. He is also me when I over share my problems to people in hopes maybe someone will care.

James is my inner child, long dead, but still a ghost in my actions and my heart, haunting me, as everything does. He is me when I smile at a stranger without even thinking about it. He is me when I laugh like there is no tomorrow. He is me when I ask people how the are. He is me when I doubt if I have any right to be upset or angry or sad. James is me when I never feel good enough for myself. he is me when, despite smiling, I feel like something in me is dead and I'm don't know why. He is the part of me that wants to grow up and be kind. He is the part of me that is endlessly loyal and will always choose his family, blood relation or not. He isn't as much of my personality as he probably once was, but he is there, in the cracks, a ghost, or rather, rays of sunshine, gifts from my childhood reminding me I was once a child who ran barefoot and had a smile like sunshine.

And Regulus, Regulus is the rest of me. Most of what I am now. He i me when I am numb to all emotion because I've spent so many years repressing them to please my parents. He is me chasing after rushes of serotonin and dopamine because i just want to feel. He is me being self destructive because even pain is something other than numbness. He is the part of me that knows I was never truly wanted, never the first choice, the mistake. He is my abandonment issues. He is me, walking away because if I walk away first, they can't abandon me. He is me, walking away, because I've gone numb and can no longer care about a person I once loved. He is the part of me that is screaming for me to shut up when I am oversharing, or am talking impulsively. He is my fear and he is my cruelty and he is the "monster" that life has formed me into.

But Sirius is there saying "you deserve better," "you don't have to be who they say you have to be." And James is there saying "it's okay to be kind," "you can let yourself be the sun again."

But I'm not a sun, not anymore. I am a star, yes, but I am no sun. I am a star, one people look at and find lovely, but who they never truly see. They see what they want and when I don't fit with what the want they criticize me for it.

And so Regulus is there in the end saying, "It is never to late to be brave. It is never too late to finally be yourself."

And so, maybe, there is hope.

#marauders headcanon #the marauders era #marauders era #the marauders #james pottter #james potter kinnie #sirius black #sirius black kinnie #regulus black #regulus black kinnie #black brothers kinnie #oversharing #personal post #there is always hope

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arggghhhsstuff · 7 months

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remus lupin 🤝 me

having pride issues

#he's so me actually #remus lupin #sirus black #peter pettigrew #james pottter #marauders fandom #dead gay wizards

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siriuslythatbitch · 1 year

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Day Eight For: @polyjuicedpadfoot

Rating: Explicit

Relationship: Remus Lupin/Sirius Black/James Potter

Summary: Sirius has never been the best at giving gifts. This year however, that's all about to change.

#wolfstarbucks #remus lupin #sirius black #james pottter #the marauders era #marauders era #the marauders #marauders fanfiction #marauders fanfic #hp marauders #hp fanfic #hp fanfiction

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pearlmagick · 3 months

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IRON BONDS I

pairing : harry potter x reader

synopsis : harry’s best friend likes their drinks on the metallic side, but he hasn’t a clue about them being a vampire, nor the fact that they love him. | inner angst

warnings : mentions of blood

notes : first fic !! hello everyone, sorry if this is messy + still figuring out a format i like. thank you for reading !

It was another Saturday morning of lying to everyone you knew and cared for. The sharp and unusually shiny fangs pierced through your comfortable life as a reminder that one small needle could render the whole comfortable haystack dangerous as anxiously wait for the moment the needle would decide to show itself and draw blood.

Blood.

You inhaled sharply, trying to remove all thoughts of the newly delectable liquid as you drank the almost-transparent potion to temporarily shape your bloodless skin and pointed fangs back to your old self.

Your vampirism wasn’t terribly new. During the summer before your fourth year, a vampire had lurched from the depths of a nearby forest and turned you into one of his kind. The pain of the change was unbearable, yet you couldn’t fathom the pain of losing the life you had built, so you and your family had kept your undead-ness a secret from all, except the headmaster who meticulously crafted accommodations for you.

That didn’t matter to you; you didn’t care about the metallic “cranberry juice” you drank every dinner, you worried constantly about what Harry would say.

Harry Potter was your best friend and the pair of you knew everything about each other. It was all the most cliché story: two best friends with one pining for the other while keeping a dark secret. A compelling tale it was, but when it was your reality, it felt more like a nightmare than an entertainment fantasy read.

You and Harry were sitting together at the top of the Astronomy Tower as you listened to him rant about Umbridge with snide asides about how he was leading a secret club right under her nose. You tried to pay attention but the mix of thoughts between the ticking clock until your bloody dinner, the sound of Harry’s heart beating faster with his excited lecture on the DA lessons he had planned out, and of course, the plague that caught you before the rogue vampire, losing yourself in the green eyes that you’ve caught yourself in the maze of for the past three years.

Perhaps your lack of focus was stronger than normal because, for the first time, Harry noticed your eyes look hazy as your mind crawled around to make a complex web of wandering thoughts.

“Y/N ? Are you alright ?” Your head snapped back into position with unusual speed that Harry couldn’t help but notice. “I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong, Harry. You can continue, I’m listening, promise.” You pushed your pinkie to hook with his as if this gesture was the epitome of trust before bringing your hand back.

Harry stared before continuing, yet decided to keep a closer eye on your strange behaviour.

You did your best to stay as normal as you possibly could, worrying that if you stepped a toe out of your ordinary routine you’d risk exposing yourself and losing everyone, including the boy you fell in love with.

#vani fics #fanfic #harry potter #harry james potter #harry potter x reader #harry pottter x you #harry potter x y/n #harry james potter x reader #harry james potter x you #harry james potter x y/n #harry potter fluff #harry potter angst #vampire

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fushic0re · 11 months

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༉‧₊˚✧ 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄

18+ only. || do not translate, plagiarize, or repost my work. ||* indicates smut.

⁀➷ 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 ⁀➷ 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐎𝐘 ⁀➷ 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑�� 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐓 ⁀➷ 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐄 𝐙𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐍𝐈 ⁀➷ 𝐒𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐔𝐒 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊 ⁀➷ 𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐔𝐒 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐎𝐘

#harry pottter fanfiction #hp fanfcition #harry potter x reader #harry james potter x reader #draco malfoy x reader #theodore nott x reader #blaise zabini x reader #sirius black x reader #lucius malfoy x reader

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dreamcubed · 2 years

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the man | james potter x reader

song; the man [taylor swift] pairing; james potter x fem!"slut"!reader // slight sirius black x reader genre; fwb2l, light angst, hurt comfort(ish), light fluff word count; 1,7k timeline; marauders' last year at hogwarts warnings; swearing, slut-shaming, double standards, mentions/talk of sex, mentions of hook ups/sleeping around, misogyny, verbal conflict summary; you hated it. james could go around sleeping with as many different people as he liked and get praised for it, while you did the exact same and only ever got slut-shamed. the worst part? james didn't seem to understand that, despite being your most frequent fling

a/n; if you're below 16 please dni, there is no explicit smut but there are mature themes

masterlist

"every conquest i had made would make me more of a boss to you."

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You were used to the whispers that passed you in the hallways, but they still chipped away at your sanity. Offended wasn't how you would describe your emotions: no, you were angry. Angry that these people held judgements against you when they didn't even know you.

"She'd open her legs for anyone."

Even if you did, why would that make you an unkind person- someone not worthy of being friends with? How you explored your sexuality did not reflect how you explored your friendships, and your closest and dearest friend Lily Evans could vouch for that. You were loyal, generous and caring, but all anyone ever saw in you was a good-for-nothing whore. You could safely say that if you were in a relationship, you would never cheat - but you weren't, so you had every right to sleep around.

"She's such an easy lay."

It was ironic, really, how the boys talked shit about you behind your back, degrading your conquests, but still wouldn't hesitate to hook up with you given the chance. They were such hypocrites: if people like you didn't exist, they wouldn't have anyone to fuck when they got horny and lonely. If anything, they should be grateful that you provided them a service they so desperately craved for free of charge. Still, the comments hurt more coming from girls. They had been victims of sexism and misogyny their whole lives, and knew how it hurt, yet still decided to be that same way to you.

"Y/N would still fuck the ugliest guy on earth."

No, you wouldn't. Despite popular belief, you didn't hook up with anyone who looked your way. You hadn't even slept with half the guys in your year, although it was at the point where any of them could lie about fucking you and would be believed. There was no point fighting the rumours: it would just be another game of he said, she said.

"Overused pussy."

Since the rumours had gotten out of hand, your sex drive had actually decreased immensely. Not out of disgust in yourself (Merlin, no - you were not in the wrong here), but out of distrust of any of the guys in the school. They didn't deserve your sexual abilities, which were good, by the way. You excelled in the art of sex, and they really should have been more appreciative of that fact, because now you were going to starve them of it.

It happened all the time: a guy you'd hooked up with in the past tracking you down to beg you for another round. Yeah, and supposedly you were the desperate one.

You began turning them all away, hexing them if they pushed further.

Well, all except one.

James Potter was a frequent fling of yours, and with you now being on strike, he was practically your only on-going conquest. You liked him because he never spoke of your sexual encounters with anyone, not even the other Marauders. You knew that for a fact because you had hooked up with Sirius in the past, and he had definitely told them by the way they all acted around you afterwards. No, they didn't act that way at all after the first time you hooked up with James - it was clear they didn't know.

It's not that you disliked Sirius, as he clearly hadn't said anything bad about you, you just preferred how James treated the situation. Admittedly, you had been the one to seek him out for a second round.

And then it progressed into more, leading you to the official situation of friends with benefits, as you knew him too well outside of the bed for it to have a lesser title. Nonetheless, it was not awkward between the two of you in lessons and at mealtimes - it was how it had always been.

Even though he didn't make the comments himself, it was more than obvious that he didn't seem to understand how badly you were treated for partaking in the same actions that he did without judgement. It annoyed you, to some extent.

"I heard Endale call me a whore."

"Why would he say that?"

"I hate being called a slut."

"It can't happen that often."

Yeah, it pissed you off. You were reaching breaking point with it.

***

Tuesday evening, and you had just finished up with James in the Room of Requirement, which he had introduced to you after your flings became a frequent thing - although, you had never taken anyone else there, something about the room felt too special to share with anyone who wasn't James. You buttoned up your school shirt with your back to him, relishing in the silent but far from awkward aftermath of sex.

"I heard you fucked Potguild."

You scoffed, "D'you believe every rumour you hear?"

"Is it true?"

"No," you said, "I haven't fucked anyone but you in a few weeks."

You then turned to him to see he had raised an eyebrow at you.

"What?"

"Then how come I hear guys talking about their last shag with you every day? They can't all be lying."

You deadpanned James, which made him frown.

It was his turn to say, "What?"

"They can all be lying. That's what men do."

His brows furrowed further, "But-"

"James," you snapped, which took him by surprise - you rarely used his first name outside of sex, "You know nothing of what it's like to be a girl."

He remained silent.

"I'm so sick of you acting like I'm exaggerating when I talk about how I'm treated - you just think I'm exaggerating because it doesn't happen to you."

He opened his mouth to speak, but you kept going.

"Wanna know why it doesn't happen to you? Because you're a guy. You can shag whoever the fuck you want and get praised for it - get called the man - and it pisses me off that you don't understand that I don't get treated the same."

"Y/N-"

"Save it," you spoke harshly, grabbing your bag and leaving the room. He made no effort to chase you - and you weren't sure if you were happy or upset about that.

To be honest, you were pretty sure you were more mad at the patriarchal society you lived in than you were at James: he was far from an inherently bad person and would probably make an effort to apologise over the course of the next week.

You were right.

***

"Y/N, can we talk?" he asked at the end of transfiguration, catching you at your desk.

The first thing about his question that took you off guard was his use of your name in a non-sexual context. The second thing that surprised you was the lack of the other Marauders in the classroom - they almost always waited for each other.

"About what?" you said more coldly than you would have preferred.

"You know... the other day."

You sighed, "Okay, let's talk, Potter."

You almost didn't catch the way he flinched at the use of his last name.

"Great," he took your hand, and began leading you out the classroom to an alcove tucked into the wall some way down the corridor.

He let go of your hand, and stood facing you, as if waiting for something.

"Well...?" you pushed, crossing your arms and raising an eyebrow at him.

"I'm sorry," he said firmly, "I should have registered how differently girls and women get treated, but I didn't, and that's on me."

You felt your expression and posture soften slightly.

"And I know there's no excuse, but I think- I think me believing the rumours was less to do with believing guys over you and more to do with me being scared they were true."

A frown formed on your face as you adjusted your stance, hoping that your silence pressed him to elaborate.

"I don't want you sleeping with other people, so I feared the worst."

"You want to be... exclusive?" you questioned slowly.

"Yes," he said quickly, "But not just sexually - I... I want to date you... I mean- there had to have been a reason you started only sleeping with me, right?"

As you processed his words, you felt your stomach flip with nervous excitement, and that was a cue to you that you may want to try something more with James. He was definitely the best sex you had ever had, anyway, as unlike many of the other guys, he actually paid attention to your needs as well as his.

"...Okay," you said eventually, "We can start with one date and see how it goes from there. But, for the record, me only hooking up with you was less to do with you and more to do with the other guys - so don't get ahead of yourself."

He nodded eagerly, seemingly brushing past your last statement, "Yes, perfect - Hogsmeade, this weekend?"

"But it isn't a Hogsmeade weekend-"

"You really think the Room of Requirement is the only Hogwarts secret I know?"

To be fair, you weren't really surprised to hear that.

"But, you realise that dating me probably won't stop the rumours... or change my reputation... and instead just ruin yours?"

He shook his head, "I don't care, they're pathetic attention seekers - I now know better than to listen to what they say."

"Let's hope so."

"Godric, have more faith in me, woman."

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masterlist

written; 09/08/2022 —> 06/09/2022 published; 07/09/2022 edited; —/—/——

#james potter #james potter x reader #james potter x you #james potter x y/n #harry potter #harry pottter fanfic #harry potter oneshots #hp oneshot #hp #hp fanfic #marauders #marauders era #marauders oneshots #marauders fanfic #sirius black x reader #sirius black

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