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judjira · 2 years

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hi joo (if it’s ok to call you joo), so tell me a lil more about all your future wips. i’m blown away bc 14?! 🙃

yes absolutely call me joo !!

so yeah, aside from the seven plot bunnies you can see in my pinned post, i have seven more wips that ive basically conceptualized and outlines (a lil)

1. 3mix/dahyun band au - this one's basically a spiritual successor to "pretentious" in that it's a trio plus dahyun, except it's angstier ! it also talks about another type of poly relationship that i don't really write too much about, but is interesting nonetheless (shoutout to my (not real) mom for inspiring this part of the fic ily)

2. dubchaeng actors au - this one is a self indulgent acting au bc i study acting techniques as a theater major wahaha so basically dahyun and chaeyoung are actors that learn two different acting techniques, the adler technique and the strasberg technique, and they become rivals bc they don't like each other's techniques (i suggest u look them up, the original people who made these techniques also had a rivalry ! its pretty cool, although stanislavski/meisner is my preferred technique)

3. dahyo demigod au - this one's a doozy and bc i love writing mythology, if you're familiar with the ulster cycle of irish mythology, there's a hero named cu chulainn who's the son of a sun god who gets taught the ways of war by scathach, a sort of immortal witch/warrior maiden who teaches heroes (if u play fgo u're probably familiar with them) in this au, dahyun is cu chulainn and jihyo is scathach, im tryna do research for this one cus im not too familiar with irish mythology, but i'm probably not gonna stick too close to the actual mythology cus vibes HAHA

4. dahmo genie au - this au is a very neat one, it's based off of a short film i watched many years ago called "friend like me" (2016) its on youtube i suggest u watch it ! basically, momo's a kid who found a genie lamp when she was young, and asked for a best friend. out comes dahyun, a genie who becomes her best friend (lowkey inspired by dahyun with the genie costume HAHA)

5. dajeong serial killer au - ahhh this is a really good one and the subject of so many conversations with my (not real) mom that it literally has an au of itself. basically, dahyun's the heir of a mafia gang who's attracted the attention of jeongyeon, who's a serial killer. they elope and go on the run from rival gangs that hate dahyun's family and dahyun's own family (ive written the ending to this but barely the beginning HAHAHA)

6. dayeon artist au - this one's still in the conceptual stages of writing (as in i have nothing on it yet and it exists solely in my mind palace) but basically it's a dystopian au with the upper class bourgeois people and poor lower class people. nayeon's a well-esteemed, rich artist that does works for other rich people, while dahyun's a rebel and a revolutionary artist who tags buildings and makes protest art (this will hopefully come in time for me to take my art of protest class huhu)

7. dayeon magical realism au - this one's,,,a little hard to explain, because it's based off of a filipino short story called "the kite of stars" (its in english, so i suggest u search it up and read it !) basically its the story of a rich noble girl who wants to create a kite that can carry her into the sky so she can be seen by a stargazer she's fallen in love with, so she goes on a journey to gather all the parts of the kite, joined by a butcher's boy who's fallen in love with her. in this au, nayeon's the rich noble girl, mina's the stargazer, and dahyun's the butcher's boy (yes unrequited love wahaha)

THOSE are my future wips, i ALSO have three aus that im working on that honestly may never see the light of day if i dont finish my current wips HAHAHA these are vaguer, more universe style instead of a single fic, so these will probably consist of multiple oneshots and drabbles !

1. darkest dungeon 2 au - alright COMPLETELY self indulgent holy shit i just love darkest dungeon. if you haven't played, it's basically a grim, eldritch horror vibe game where you take heroes on expeditions to destroy evil creatures and monsters. the second game focuses on the heroes traveling a world plunged into insanity and darkness to try and destroy the root of evil at the base of a mountain (its super fucking cool) anyway, yeah each member of twice would be a hero here, trying to balance saving the world, dealing with emotional trauma, and loving each other all at the same time (tbh dont expect much from this, its super self indulgent and it might not make sense to anyone HAHA)

2. magic school au - am also super excited for this one !! now u may think this is hogwarts but no ! it is actually a full magic school au that i've created from the ground up (kind of, its based on dnd magic HAHA) this was originally made for a world that i created for dnd (yes im a nerd ok) basically each member of twice is a student that's part of a special fancy organization that takes care of student and faculty requests ! yes its cute some of them are elves, theres lots of magic and monsters, but most of all, it's basically magic college HAHA my (not real) mom requested a fic, and i kinda got ahead of myself and made a whole ass au with like three or four oneshots planned !!! (this one's for u mom ily)

3. my apartment au ! this one's KIND OF based off of supernatural (the show) except a lot more lighthearted HAHA, basically dahyun is the landlord of an apartment that only houses supernatural and mythological creatures ! so each member of twice (besides dahyun) is a creature of mythology that stays in the apartment. this au is special cus its my first attempt at an OT9 ! just one big poly soup of everyone loving each other (but still dahyun-centric mostly hue)

so yes, these are my aus and wips, if u want a more in depth explanation of these plots (or the plots in my pinned post) feel free to send another ask !

thank u for letting me ramble hue

#ask #joo rambles #plot bunnies

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wordstrings · 3 years

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of sleep-warm skin and love requited

Written and submitted by @delicategoblin:

OK IM OFFICIALLY TERRIFIED BUT IVE EDITED THE ABSOLUTE SHIT OUT OF THIS AND I CANT FIND ANYTHING ELSE TO CHANGE SO UHHHHH HERE WE GO. uhhhh you don’t need to anonymize it I’m g with having my actual blog on here i’m just ,,, f r e a k i n g o u t . thank you again for this opportunity though cause i never would have done this otherwise,,,,also it’s kinda cringe i know but i’m fragile ok i needed the Bois being soft

Publisher’s note: The first official fic of I Fixed/Fic’d It: A Supernatural Fluffsgiving Event! I absolutely love this and it’s exactly what my heart needed.

Words: 1,700

—

of sleep-warm skin and love requited

Soft puffs of warm air blew onto his chest, it blew the fine hairs that grew there against their follicles. It was an annoying, tickling sensation that made it feel like there was a bug crawling on him. He didn’t move, though, or adjust the sleeping hunter in his arms. It served as a grounding sensation, a reminder that the warm body lying next to him was just that; warm, breathing, alive.

“I c’n feel you look’n at me weird.” Dean’s sleepy voice cut through the gentle silence that hung around them. One sleepy green eye cracked open and he shifted, wrapping his arms around Castiel’s bare torso tighter and burying his nose into his sternum.

“I was admiring you,” Castiel protested indignantly and smiled at the muffled embarrassed noise Dean made against him.

“Less admiring, more sleeping.” He grumbled, and pressed a placating kiss to Cas’s throat. Castiel let out a contented hum and let his fingers glide up Dean’s muscled back, feather-light, and up to the nape of his neck.

“Quit it.” Dean shuddered and fell back onto the mattress with a bleary-eyed glare. Castiel shifted onto his side and smoothed his thumb over the crease in Dean’s forehead that resulted from his affronted expression. Dean didn’t comply with his silent request, and it was Cas’s turn to frown. He leaned down and pressed a tiny chaste kiss to the wrinkle, Dean just shied away and huffed.

“Dean,” Castiel squinted at the stubborn man beside him, who stuck his tongue out and made a point to draw his eyebrows even further - the crease became more prominent. Cas could almost laugh, but this was a challenge. A challenge he didn’t intend to back down from.

“Cas,” He mocked, pulling a face.

Oh, so that’s how it was.

Gears in Castiel’s head were turning, but before they could even quite slot into place, he was on top of Dean, pinning him to the mattress with his weight. Dean’s eyes widened, no longer half-shut with the remnants of sleep, and he sucked in a breath. Pupils blown wide, and Castiel grinned. Dean had a very wrong idea of what was about to happen.

“Dean, you’re very stubborn.”

Dean smirked and waggled his eyebrows, before quickly returning to his previous expression, complete with his arms crossed across his chest.

“Yeah? What are you gonna do about it?”

Castiel hummed as if he were deep in thought, tracing his index finger from Dean’s collarbone to his sternum. Dean cringed and pushed himself back into the mattress.

“Me? Well, I’m going to knock you down a peg or two, in a manner of speaking.” Castiel purred, resting all ten of his fingertips on his ribs, a salacious grin on his face.

“You, on the other hand,” He continued, gliding his hands down to rest at Dean’s sides. “You’re going to smile for me.”

Dean barely had time to swallow nervously before his senses were set alight by tingling, buzzing electricity. He bit his lip and squirmed, grappling with Castiel’s flitting hands.

“C-Cas, c-c’moHAH. Nonono, c’mohon man, this shit’s for kIDS.” His voice raised an octave when the ex-angel who was enjoying this way too much dug his infuriatingly skilled fingers into his tummy.

It took less than three minutes for Dean to be lost to laughter, punctured by the occasional ‘No!’ or ‘Cas!’ and things that were definitely not shrieks when his attacker got to a bad spot.

Cas, the bastard, was watching him with a big stupid smile on his face. It was so wide and genuine Dean couldn’t even find it in himself to be mad when he caught glimpses of his face amidst his thrashing.

“Cas! Cas, it’s like 4 am, stoho- nahaha CAHAHAS NOT THERE, YOUSONUVABIHIHITCH.” Dean cackled and threw his head back with laughter as Castiel’s hands shot into his armpits, he convulsed and clamped his arms down as hard as he could. Nothing could deter Cas’s determined digits.

When Dean’s breathing started sounding labored, Castiel retreated his hands and took to scritching at Dean’s lower belly. Tickling there, just above his waist-band, was the closest thing to giggling he thought Dean Winchester was capable of. His other hand, bored and itching to roam the squirming body beneath him, cupped Dean’s other side and stroked the skin there. There was another layer of squirming away added to Dean’s half-hearted struggle.

“Caaaas, quihihit playing with my chubby spots.” He whined through bubbling laughter. It was innocent enough, but Castiel knew this man well enough to tell the difference between a joke and genuine insecurity.

Castiel pursed his lips and abandoned his tickling, leaning forward to kiss the panting, red-faced mess. Dean was enthusiastic, cupping the back of Castiel’s head, meeting his kiss sloppily with an open mouth and obscene smacking sounds.

When Castiel pulled away, Dean’s hand kept him there; their faces just inches apart, noses brushing.

“You’re the single most beautiful creature in all of creation, Dean Winchester. Inside and out.” Castiel said firmly, cupping Dean’s jaw reverently and looking into his lover’s wide eyes. A faint blush dusted Dean’s cheeks and he dropped his gaze, shrugging, and grumbling. Cas used his hand to nudge Dean’s face back up and pressed kiss after kiss to Dean’s face. His forehead, each eyelid, his nose, his top, and bottom lip, and his chin.

“I’ve seen stars born,” Castiel murmured against his jaw, pressing another kiss to the stubbled skin.

“Galaxies formed,” Another kiss, this time to his neck, then his collarbone, then his sternum.

“Supernovas,” His chest, right over his heart.

“I witnessed the creation of the very first life forms,” His ribs.

“I’m older than time, older than this world, than the universe.” His diaphragm, his stomach, his hip.

“It’s you, Dean. Nothing I’ve ever seen, ever experienced, could ever hold a candle to you. I just wish you could see yourself the way I do.”

Dean sat completely still, watching Cas with twinkling eyes, he swallowed thickly and made to sit up, Cas climbed off him and Dean leaned forward, resting his head on Castiel’s shoulder.

“You mean that?” He whispered, taking Castiel’s hand and fiddling with his fingers. Castiel smiled and pressed a kiss to the crown of Dean’s head, nodding.

“Yes, Dean. I mean it.”

Castiel could hear the quiver in his breath when Dean inhaled deeply.

“That’s pretty gay, man.” He said shakily, pulling away from Castiel with a wobbly smile on his face.

“That it is. I’d venture to say what I’m about to say is gayer, though; I think your smile is especially beautiful. And your laugh.” Castiel added with a sly smile. Dean was quicker on the uptake, though, and before Cas could follow through on his plan, he found himself pinned to the mattress. Staring down a disgruntled Dean, who wasted no time in reaching behind him and kneading Castiel’s thighs.

He howled with laughter and grabbed blindly at Dean’s arms.

“DEAN! DEAN, STOHOHOP!” He bucked underneath the grinning man.

“You started it! And you were about to ambush me again.” He feigned offense, his words spoken around a laugh. His hands converged on Cas’s ribs and dug into the giggle-shriek-inducing spots between each bone.

Expertly, Dean took Castiel apart. Fingers seasoned with years of big-brother experience. His goal was to just tire Cas out to the point he wouldn’t be able to re-retaliate. Ten fingers scribbled across his belly and Cas was lost to giggles that Dean would never tire of hearing.

“Deheheannn, nahaha I’m sohOHORY!” He barely managed around an honest to god squeal that left his mouth when one of Dean’s curious fingers wiggled into his bellybutton.

“See, I just don’t think that’s true.” Dean tutted.

He could have continued on forever, sweet laughter and adorable attempts at an escape or a plea. But, now that Cas was human and oxygen was kind of a necessity, he made the mature decision (what can he say, falling in love changed him) to stop. He pulled away with a parting raspberry to the side of Cas’s neck, which made him shriek and jackknife under him.

“I didn’t bring you back from super hell just so you could tickle the shit out of me, you know,” Dean said, poking his hip. Cas flinched and rubbed a hand over his face, residual giggles still tumbling out of his mouth. He sighed and parted his fingers, peering up at Dean.

“Why did you bring me back, then?” He challenged. Dean glared down at him, but his gaze held no heat. Maybe some exasperation.

“You know why.”

Castiel pulled his hands away from his face and shrugged innocently.

“I don’t, actually.”

“I told you,” Dean huffed. Don’t ask why he was allowing himself to be swept up into Cas’s little game - maybe he liked it. Or maybe he felt guilty still.

“You told me lots of things - through wailing sobs, so it was hard to understand at times. Here; I’ll even make it easy for you. I love you…”

“I know,” Dean replied in a mocking, honeyed tone as he flopped back onto the mattress, pointedly shutting his eyes. Castiel let out a long-suffering sigh and lay back next to him, body curved around Dean’s; a perfect fit, like pieces of a puzzle slotting together. It was a shame Dean was being too much of a man-baby for Castiel to properly enjoy their compatibility and closeness at the moment.

“You’re impossible,” Cas murmured into the skin of Dean’s shoulder, reaching over to pinch at Dean’s waist. He curled away with a squeak that made Cas’s heart swell and grabbed his hands.

“No more tickling,” He pouted. The other man smiled fondly and pressed a kiss to Dean’s temple.

“No more tickling.” He agreed, nodding solemnly.

Then it was quiet again, peaceful. The soft sounds of Dean’s breaths were in sync with his own - the feeling of his heart beating was still alien to him, even though it wasn’t something he noted often.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean said quietly, fingering a mindless pattern on Castiel’s bicep, “I do. Love you, I mean.”

Castiel smiled and pressed his thumb gently into the give of Dean’s thigh, reveling in the softness, the warmth.

“I know.”

#SPNfluffsgiving2020 #tickle fic #Supernatural #ticklish!Dean #ticklish!Cas #Destiel #tickling #ler!Cas #ler!Dean #Dean Winchester #Castiel #submission #author delicategoblin #not mine

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dumpywoof · 3 years

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immmm bored and I made hc tier list whoops ,, ive watched all of seasons once at the least but most of them ive seen multiple times bc im swag like that

im just going to explain my placings bc i can

s tier:

up first is terraria 3, i could spend way too much time talking about how much i love this season but ill keep it short and simple to spare your time, its s tier bc its my favorite hardcore season

minecraft 2, ill be real this one is s purely bc of nostalgia ,, i hyperfixated on it hard when i was 9 and the last episode never fails to not put a huuge dumb grin on my face

minecraft 4, i just think this one is the funniest season overall and it also has nostalgia attached to it

a tier:

minecraft 5, i remember watching this season when it first came out and my tiny brain being blown away by the quality ,,, something special about the first todd season

terraria 2, what can i say i really like terraria my dudes

minez 1, i liked the format change and jeffs editing was swag ,, also love how unlucky they are when it came to getting disease, especially dean

minecraft 7, proximity voice chat was coool ,, plus ray and luke are always good guest buuuut it was just a repeat of mc5 riiip

b tier:

minez 2, enjoyable but felt the tiniest bit off idk

terraria 1, i like terraria and another case of i just think its funny how badly it went

minecraft 6, really enjoyable to watch but it makes me think about how some ppl were mean to dodger and that makes me sad

dayz, everything about dayz feels so wrong yet its so amusing ,,, ex. dean knowing more about the game then everyone else and mcjones (spoilers) dying first feels so off but its fun to watch. downside is i really dont like episode 3 riip

c tier:

starbound, starbound i am sooooo sorry for putting dayz above you i really am ,,, starbound is still really enjoyable to me its just the beginning is so painfully slow so it tends to lose me

minecraft 1, the peak of dumbness in the hardcores, and thats saying a lot bc theyre pretty dang dumb ,, its fun to watch but kinda confusing at times ,,, idk i wouldnt say it aged poorly but i also wouldnt say it aged well

minecraft 3, basically mc2 but 100% less swag and 100% more chickens

d tier:

diablo 2, ill be real ,, i know nothing about diablo and was very confused throughout the entire playthrough ,,, but some of the banter was nice

i also made a hc participants tier list ,,, its a lot less thought out and just for fun. im not trying to say some participants better than others its just who stood out to me more. i have a positive to neutral opinion on everyone on the list ,, participants that i have a negitive opinion on arent on it. also, I ranked them based off of the hardcores and the hardcores only, if I took account of presence on their own social medias this would be a very different list. Plus, that'd be unfair bc some of the participants I've only seen on the hardcores.

I almost forgot to mention but the tier list totally forgot ncs riiip

S tier: the swaggiest of the swag

A tier: more of my favorites just not my favorite favorites y'know

B tier: could probably make it to A tier but just didn't get enough time on the show

C tier: definitely didn't get enough time on the show or my opinion is just pretty neutral ooooor I didn't know where to put you riiip

#its my art account i get to not post art and instead ramble about the things i like >B(#midway through typing shit i switched to my phone that has spell check on so the grammar gets better dkgdkhdhk

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americaiskillingitsyouth · 5 years

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some personal shit, scroll on by, im screaming into the void

im really only posting this here bc my friends are already v aware of the situation and ive just got more sad-angry in me than anyone needs to receive in a text tbh

so basically, ive had a buddy for 10 years now, actually known the fucker since primary school so ive known him for 2 decades and been tight for 1 decade. he is by all accounts a great dude, i fucking love the guy and thats why this shit sucks so bad.

when i first met this friend we had radically different political ideologies (i was a grimy goth leftie at the time and he was like that fuckin kid out of This Is England). this was before stuff like that would mean we could never be friends and we shared enough in common on every other level that we agreed to just not talk politics, he’d dial back his bullshit and i’d dial back mine. we saw each other all the time, the only time it was ever ok for the fash and the left to unite.

now this friendship has endured all that, me moving away, him getting married, him having 2 kids, me moving to denmark, me becoming even more radical, him defecting to the left, him getting divorced and me having a full blown nervous breakdown (unrelated to the divorce haha). despite all this we would see each other every friday almost without fail, we’d snapchat hella when i was in denmark.

the nervous breakdown here is relevant because throughout all that, despite going thru a divorce and sorting custody of 2 kids, as well as starting a burgeoning new relationship with one of our mutual friends (such a beautiful union tbh) dude would message me every day, see how i was doing. he let me crash at his place occasionally for a change of pace, and he had me leaving the house within 4 days of the breakdown beginning bc he needed my help to get the perfect present for his gf (i’d known her for yeeeeears before they met) and he knew i needed to get out of that bed.

at no point, despite our differences and the paths our lives have gone, could our friendship ever be considered toxic. it was like a fox and the hound type thing... but with nazis. but then, enter diazepam.

so this buddy, hes got a very addictive personality, he’s got a problem with codeine but never stronger opiates and its never really affected his behaviour. i’m a drug doer too man so idc as long as you’re staying safe and you aren’t hurting anybody. he was still a great dad (he still is) and a great friend.

i got that jaw condition which means when it locks i gotta use them to loosen it (and also recreationally bc yeah... drugsy) so i always had valium. hes an anxious dude and as a fellow anxious dude i get it - dude was really worrying about it i’d throw him a valium and he’d feel better. this was on a weekly basis i couldnt have predicted quite what it would turn into.

flash forward to now. I don’t get messages from him really that aren’t about valium in one way or another. it’s a case of “can you use the darknet to get me some valium?”, “do you have a couple valium i can have?” do “[my housemates] have any valium? can you ask them for me i’ll pay them back” etc etc etc, ad infinitum.

like p recently he got not just a new girlfriend but a new job (one where phones are a no no) and im not an asshole, i dont need u to be hitting the bants w me every fuckin day, i would just appreciate a text that isnt about fucking valium. like homies so far gone that he doesnt care if its my last jaw-unlocking valium, if i reluctantly offer he’ll take it!

“but big pissin mama,” you ask “why don’t you just say no? why don’t you just not give them to him”. well, theres a few answers to that question. first one, and to get it out the way, im a big ol’ vagina who can’t say no, i accept it, i hate it but i accept it. secondly, and this is the biggy, the nature of addiction. like ive had him go off on me once before, not hugely, but still going off bc of not being able to get any (all just being snippy ofc, nothing awful). ive seen my dude get angry at people and its scary, and frankly i am terrified at the idea of that being directed towards me.

this aint my friend right now, and i know that so its ok. but to be buds thru so much and then be reduced down to valium dispensary is p cutting. but that said, he helped me immeasurably when i was mental, and i have to be there to help him now. just right now im really sad.

and im meant to be going to his house later cuz yknow... valium in exchange for an hour of face time before the valium kicks in and he gets all bbrrrrrvvvvvbvbvbvbvvvvv and has to go to bed. exactly what you want from ur friends.

i’m probably not going to go.

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queer-vampire · 5 years

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haven’t done a read more in a while... bunch of trigger warnings (surrounding abuse) ahead

i have a lot of things running through my head right now. i have for the past week and a half now. nothing short of one extreme thought to the next. it first started out with wondering if my unexplained diagnoses could be some form of bipolar disorder. one top of that, my health insurance is in the clouds so i can’t pick up my meds yet and i’m going through some emotional and mental withdrawals instead of physical ones. the other day i had a full blown episode and the ONLY thing that helped was doping up on my emergency anxiety meds to help me sleep the ENTIRE day.

on top of it all, im still needing to move out as soon as i can. there is a lot of factors to take into consideration, but moving out is my absolute number one priority now. i cannot live here anymore. it might seem like an exaggeration, but i think living here is slowly eating away at my sanity.

fast forward to today, and my post about my victimology class. day one of this class i knew i’d be opening up a box stuffed away in my mind that read ‘do not open, ever’ and yet, i took a box cutter and ripped that shit open wide.

so, since january of this year ive been treading lightly around the contents of what was inside the box. but today, oh boy, today i finally sat down and looked at them.

physical abuse. thats something i didn’t want to say. thats something i was on the fence about for the better part of five years now. “no, it was just a misunderstanding” i would say to myself. its true, what you can tell others often times you can tell yourself. thats literally textbook responses for victims. its not that i didn’t know, i just didn’t want to acknowledge it yet. or at all.

no, it doesn’t stop there. there is something deeper down in that box that i didn’t dare take out until today. im already peeling back the physical abuse, might as well get the final piece out of the box. now, before i even begin, it’s not rape. i know that for a fact. honest. unless my brain has REALLY made me forget shit, it’s not anything extremely sexual.

my dad would tickle my sister and i without having any self control. he wouldn’t stop when we would scream it out. he would have us literally pinned to the ground so we couldn’t escape. i can recall a few incidents where i pissed myself because he wouldn’t stop.

just because someone is laughing while its happening, doesn’t mean its not painful or traumatizing. thats the automatic response. centuries ago, and even today in some countries, they have tickle-torture. like for FUCKS sake that shit is so far from ok.

1) he pinned us down 2) he didn’t stop when we screamed at him to stop 3) we would piss ourselves 4) sometimes our wrists would hurt for a while afterwards

this is borderline sexual abuse. in some definitions it is. i don’t know how i would conclude it, i’ll ask my therapist when i see her in a couple of weeks. i know she’ll leave it up to me, but i want her honest opinion. part of me wants to be a little dramatic about this, but knowing that i’ve been right and validated by her with my assumptions before i know deep down what she’ll say.

i don’t know if he’s done anything else with my sister, but he’s done a few other more physical-based actions with me. when i was younger, he would grab me if i wasn’t getting what he was saying during an argument we were having. it wasn’t anything incredibly aggressive, but it was tight around my arm. at one point, when i was no older than five, he carried me up to the master bedroom and pinned me to the bed and yelled at me right in my face about how i was acting like ‘a baby’. five years old.

that was the only time he got that aggressive with his physical actions. the last time he did anything physical was when i was still in my cast and using crutches. he was wanting to start an argument and i wasn’t having it. he was in my room but i knew i couldn’t yell at him to get out, so i started for the bathroom. but before i could even make my first step with my crutches to get out of my chair, he ripped one of the crutches from me and it nearly made me fall over. i was stunned, since he hadn’t done anything physical in a long time. but ooooooh it made me furious. i kept my cool, but that will forever haunt me.

and something else that is crossing boundaries that could lead to some sexual abuse of some kind is the fact that BOTH my parents don’t really understand intimate boundaries. or just boundaries in general. what i mean specifically is that they seem to think it’s ok that they can just walk around almost naked. as a kid i don’t remember it bothering me much, but that is most likely because i had to suppress any trauma from that. it got so bad that i legit thought it was normal that parents did that. dear god how fucking gross is this??? i haven’t seen my dad naked before thank GOD, but i have seen my mom naked. and it wasn’t because i accidentally walked in on her changing or anything. how in the FUCK did she not learn that when people are in the house that you just don’t walk around naked??????????? like “oops i forgot my towel, i’ll have to yell out a) can someone bring it to me or b) yell out that i need to step out naked for a second” like AT LEAST do those two things jesus FUCK.

i knew about ^ earlier than the newest cesspool of shit i opened up today. i knew the previous physical interactions with my dad in arguments wasn’t healthy either, but for years i’ve completely denied that it was a problem, and for five years i desperately denied that it was physical abuse because i didn’t want to deal with it. i didn’t want to hear it. i didn’t really want to try and work through all of that.

what makes my experience the LITERAL worst is that everything is in a grey area of definition. nothing i’ve experienced is textbook definition. no one could catch on just by looking at any of us. hell, i fucking cheated the system even though i have many undiagnosed disorders and unspecified learning disabilities that are most likely dyslexia and dyscalculia. the four of us were very, very good a hiding a lot from public eye. thats why ive always hesitated when talking about my childhood in this light. its not an easy explanation to people who aren’t familiar with different kinds of abuse.

yeah, i don’t have to explain shit to anyone. i’m learning to really take that to heart, because people need to trust me when i say that i’ve been abused. emotionally and now, i guess, physically. no matter to what degree and how repetitive it was/is its still abuse.

i need to move. i don’t know where to go. i don’t have a lot of money. im still recovering from my car accident. im a college student. i have a cat to take care of. i have a job but it’s proving to be literal hell, but i have one lined up and it pays the same. everything is up in the air and i cannot control much of it. but i know for SURE that i need to move as soon as i can. i don’t know what to do at this point. i want to start a gofundme, but i hate asking for money like this. i want to talk with extended relatives, but good lord i can only imagine how that would play out. im contemplating moving out to arizona. i could live with my aunt and uncle and pay rent, but that still isn’t moving out. is it? i just have to leave. im desperate now.

so very, very desperate

#i can't talk about this any longer #haile talks #abuse mention /

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glasspigeons · 6 years

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alright yall heres an account of my batshit fucking day bc i need to write all this down while im still angry. its gonna be long

so, a lot of my friends are cheerleaders and their state competition was today. during first period one of them asked me if i wanted to go and i asked my dad if he was chill with me driving an hour and half out of town alone and he said yes so i told her id go. i was real excited about it bc ive never driven that far by myself and ive never been to state comp before.

so i go home bc i dont have class, i do my nanowrimo work for the day, feed my snake, get gas, and eat. its like 2:30 at this point.

but the one thing. the one fucking thing i forgot to do. was get cash. and as far as i knew it was a free event. so not a big deal right?

WRONG. SO FUCKING WRONG

so anyway, i make it to this little backwater town where the competition is without a hitch, everythings cool, i pull up to the civic center and theres a sign that says entrance is $10.

which, like, okay, i thought it was free but whatever ill just use my card.

“we dont take debit,” says the ticket booth lady, who in hindsight might have been the devil himself disguised as a non threatening southern churchgoer.

“is there an atm” I say.

“no but theres one at the pizza hut down the street,” she says, smiling like an angry mom at a pta meeting.

so i begrudgingly walk all the way back across the parking lot and get in my car and go to the joint gas station-pizza hut where the atm is. im not super mad about it bc its like 5-ish and the comp starts at 5:30 so at this point i was still gonna be on time.

but then i walk up to the atm and i see a giant sign that says they dont take mastercard. take a wild guess what my card is.

by now im a little frustrated and kinda scared bc the gas station is full of creepy white dudes with no teeth. im a teenage girl.

but i go back to the civic center and try to call people that i know are inside the building. only theres no signal because we’re so far in the middle of nowhere that even god cant see us. so i go back inside and talk to the lady again, and im like. obviously distressed. like there’s no way she can't tell i was just crying in my car.

i ask her if theres any way i can get in.

“there’s a walmart a little bit past that pizza hut, i think there’s an atm there,” the spawn of satan says.

i explain to her that im not from the area, that i know people in the building that could pay for me and that i really, really do not want to be wandering around this creepy ass town by myself at night.

“the walmart has an atm” she says.

so, because im a stubborn bitch, i walk back out to my car and go back the way i came to try to find the walmart. im having a mild panic attack because theres a good chance i just drove an hour and a half for nothing. after about ten minutes of driving i realize either i passed the walmart or it doesnt exist, so i stop at a gas station. i finally, finally get some money from an atm. it’s almost 6:00 now, i’ve missed the first part of the comp.

i think its over. it is not over.

apparently when i pulled into the gas station i must have gotten a little turned around, because when i leave i end up on a road ive never seen before. it takes me a while to notice because all the roads look the same, but then i pass the creepiest factory ive ever seen in my life. im talking like alice isnt dead levels of creepy. like this place was in the dead center of a huge field, had no parking lot, no cars, and no visible workers, but was totally lit up.

i realize that A) im lost and B) I might have just driven straight into purgatory, and my mild panic attack turns into a full blown breakdown.

after a couple minutes of assuming im gonna die, i get a little bit of my intelligence back and turn around. i eventually make it back to the gas station and figure out which way i need to go. i check my phone for the first time since i was at the civic center, and i have 4 missed calls from my dad.

turns out he was freaking out because i wasn’t responding, had called all my cheer friends and was like one missed call away from filing a missing persons report.

so, anyway, after i calmed him down a bit i FINALLY made it to the fucking comp. and the demon in a floral blouse is there to greet me.

“oh, i’m going to give you the student price since you went to all that trouble.”

what was the student price? $5.

i was almost an hour late to the comp. i had a panic attack and caused my friends and family to almost call the cops. all of this happened. because of $5.

after that i got pounced on by an entire cheer squad and had to post on my snap story assuring everyone that i wasn't dead, even though im pretty sure i actually died several times. some people thought i was flipped over on the side of the road or got kidnapped or some shit, some people thought id skipped town without telling anyone.

i ended up staying late so that i could follow one of my friends back home because my phone’s maps still weren’t fucking working.

what im trying to say here is fuck ticket ladies and fuck the interstate.

#long post #storytime #i made it home at least

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jiilys · 7 years

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my sort of thing

Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: turn down gasolina

Sirius Black: ur literally miles away

Remus Lupin: are you playing it

Sirius Black: well yeah

Remus Lupin: turn it down

Lily Evans to Sirius Black: tell potter to stop trying to engage me with fruit based wordplay

Sirius Black: he’ll be gutted

Sirius Black: also how did u get this number

Lily Evans: its written in the girls bathroom with TWAT over it

Sirius Black: and u assumed it was me

Lily Evans: well potter doesnt have an 021 number

Peter Pettigrew to gross gang: DISASTER ALERT

Peter Pettigrew: the vending machine ate my dollar and didnt give me my crisps

Peter Pettigrew to gross gang: stop seening me

James Potter to crew (cuts should b our new Look™): U LOT ARE NEVER GOING TO FUCKING BELIEVE THIS

James Potter to Lily Evans: i cant believe u rear ended me

Lily Evans: i said id cover the damage

James Potter: will u get my personalized plate fixed

Lily Evans: i’ll do u one better and buy u a new one

James Potter to Lily Evans: so my ‘’’’personalized plate’’’’’ just arrived

James Potter: it’s a bit of paper with ‘shitbitch’ on it

Lily Evans: i also drew a border

Sirius Black: to if we renacted Lizzie McGuire (2001-2004) who would be lizzie: if there was a nuclear apocalypse i would save any dog over all of u

Remus Lupin: what brought this on

Sirius Black: just saw a dog and wanted 2 be clear

Peter Pettigrew to James Potter: why is there a piece of paper with ‘shitbitch’ on it on ur car

Sirius Black to James Potter: im in the assembly hall replacing all the trophies with vodka bottles

James Potter: no ur not

James Potter: cause im in the assembly hall replacing the curtains with glad wrap

Sirius Black: nah im in dumstrams assembly hall

James Potter: we dont go to dumstram

Sirius Black: whats ur point

James Potter to Lily Evans: remember last night when u asked me what my favourite kitchen utensil was

Lily Evans: no

James Potter: it was after beer pong but before you dumped a bag of flour on my head and called me a snowman

Lily Evans: still no

James Potter: well anyway ive had a thought and decided its the can opener

Peter Pettigrew to sirius you are neither cool nor a drug dealer: the assemblies projector is impossible to hack

Remus Lupin: don’t say hack when ur just swapping the DVDs

Peter Pettigrew: u never let me b cool

James Potter to Lily Evans: can i borrow ur chem hmw

James Potter: by borrow i mean copy

Lily Evans: i didnt do it i was gunna ask u

Lily Evans to Remus Lupin: hey remus

Remus Lupin: i didnt do the chem homework either

Lily Evans: bye remus

James Potter to can giraffes get ripped: if evans asks I dont know who coldplay is

Sirius Black to Lily Evans: potter loves coldplay and went to their concert in 2011

Peter Pettigrew to Lily Evans: james’ favourite coldplay song is charlie brown

Remus Lupin to Lily Evans: if u play ‘fix you’ once james has had one (1) beer he will tear up and pretend its hay fever

James Potter to can giraffes get ripped: no one here has any fucking loyalty

Peter Pettigrew to it should be pengu not pingu: sirius u ate all the humus and now mums pissed

Sirius Black: did u tell liz it was me

Sirius Black: say it was lupin

Remus Lupin: do not

Sirius Black changed the group name to (do it pete) get fucked remus

Unknown to James Potter: i think we need to get our stories straight

James Potter: who is this ??

Unknown: lily obvsly

Unknown: im using a burner in case the police hack my phone

James Potter: christ

James Potter: we spilt water on one library book

Unknown: so long dickweed im going underground

James Potter: does this mean ur missing bake off

Unknown: no obvsly ill go after bake off im not an animal

James Potter to Sirius Black: would u marry me to stop me from getting deported

Sirius Black: obviously

Sirius Black: why

James Potter: just checking

Sirius Black to Lily Evans: u want me and james 2 punch avery 4 the calling u poor thing

Lily Evans: no

Lily Evans: do not do that

Sirius Black: wish youd sent this earlier

Lily Evans: i replied literally a minute after u sent this

Lily Evans: sirius what have u done

Lily Evans to James Potter: i dont need you lot punching people for me its really not on

James Potter: technically i was keying avery’s car so didn’t punch anyone

James Potter: however sirius did

James Potter: also remus

James Potter: peter was in the bathroom

James Potter: also u coating mulciber’s locker with rotten banana after he ripped remus’ bag last week was ‘really not on’ either but you still did it

Sirius Black to Remus Lupin: u look awful did u sleep last night

Sirius Black: go home

Remus Lupin: i cant miss bio

Sirius Black: ill go for u

Remus Lupin: u dont take bio

Sirius Black: irrelevant

James Potter to Lily Evans: if i didn’t know better id say u were getting detentions just to see me

Lily Evans: good thing u know better then

Lily Evans to Sirius Black: am currently covered in greek yoghurt & hiding in slughorns toilet

Sirius Black: hot

Lily Evans: that was meant for james

Lily Evans: also whats wrong with you

Lily Evans to James Potter: U DRAGGED ME TO THIS FUCKING MOVIE AND UR FUCKING LATE

Lily Evans: UNBELIEVABLE

Lily Evans: IM SITTING IN THE CINEMA ALONE

Lily Evans: oh

Lily Evans: ok Slight Problem i am in the Wrong Cinema

Remus Lupin to Peter Pettigrew: tell sirius his bag is open

Peter Pettigrew: why don’t u tell him

Remus Lupin: im not speaking to him bc he said james glasses’ made me look like a wombat

Peter Pettigrew to peter doesnt eat the carrot skin and Its Weak: just saw evans eating a lemonade ice block

Sirius Black: theyre famously bland u have to drop her james

James Potter: fat chance

Lily Evans to James Potter: if/when we’re on a panel show our team name will be pottered plants

Lily Evans: dont u dare seen this ive never been funnier

Sirius Black to loser lane: good morning friends

Sirius Black: get fucked peter

Peter Pettigrew: i SAID SORRY i didn’t know it was ur bagel

Sirius Black: lupin tell peter that i am not speaking to him

Remus Lupin: peter, sirius says he wants to blow you

Peter Pettigrew: i decline

Sirius Black: u fucking what

Sirius Black: it would be THE HONOUR OF YOUR LIFE to get blown by me u fucking heathen

Lily Evans to James Potter: sirius just said i look pretty and didnt ask to borrow gas money after

James Potter: unheard of

James Potter: you do look pretty tonight

Lily Evans: cheers

Lily Evans: youve never said that to me before are you sneaking wine behind slughorns back

James Potter: no

James Potter (yes)

James Potter: if i said u looked pretty every time you did id never say anything else

Sirius Black: to hmu bitch: who took my FUCKING LAVA LAMP

James Potter: u don’t even use it

Sirius Black: give it back judas

James Potter to Lily Evans: i hate everyone here

Lily Evans: dont let sirius hear u say that

James Potter: hes making out with mcdonald he cant hear anything

James Potter: if you were here this would be bearable

Lily Evans: nah id just drink ur beer and be annoying

James Potter: true

James Potter: still want you here like mad

Lily Evans to Remus Lupin: can u die from eating to much pasta

Remus Lupin: why would i know this

Sirius Black to Lily Evans: heard ur dying

Sirius Black: can i have ur nice waterbottle

Lily Evans to James Potter: come over please

James Potter: you alright?

James Potter: you never say please when you ask me round

Lily Evans: everything has gone a little bit horrible and petunia has left and i have broken a plate

Lily Evans: please come and do that thing you do where everything isnt as bad when youre here

James Potter to Peter Pettigrew: when im in india can u feed the fish

Peter Pettigrew: ?? u don’t have fish

James Potter: yes we do theyre in the pond

Peter Pettigrew: sirius has pushed me into that pond 17 times ive never seen any fish

James Potter: hold on

James Potter: ur never going to believe this my mum has been playing this fish joke on me for seven fucking years im

James Potter: WHY WOULD ANYONE JOKE ABT SOMETHING LIKE THIS

Lily Evans to James Potter: christ i miss u

Lily Evans: didnt realise how serious that would sound over text

Lily Evans: its just its only been four days since u left but i have 983293 things to tell u and ur not here

Lily Evans: anyway

Lily Evans: i feel like an idiot goodnight

James Potter to Lupin more like LupLAME: I HAVE RETURNED

Sirius Black: did u bring gifts

James Potter: no

Sirius Black: go back

Lily Evans to Remus Lupin: not 2 b dramatic but anything james can do i can do better

Lily Evans: including eating the most grapes in 2 minutes which i have just proven

Remus Lupin: are you two ever just normal

Remus Lupin changed the group name to uncultured shits

James Potter: we’re not uncultured just cause we dont like crackers

Sirius Black: i love crackers but only with caviar

Remus Lupin: dont align yourself with me

James Potter to Lily Evans: thanks for the oranges

James Potter: also why the oranges

Lily Evans: because you like them and our neighbors tree is low hanging

James Potter: oh

James Potter: shit im glad i know you

Lily Evans to Sirius Black: james just fell in the parking lot and set off a car alarm

Sirius Black: typical

Sirius Black: i cant believe you want to fuck this guy

Lily Evans: yeah

Lily Evans: WAIT

Remus Lupin to Sirius Black: so u know today when james nearly died trying to jump off the assembly balcony to win a fiver

Sirius Black: i think i do recall

Remus Lupin: remember when he was on the ground and everyone was yelling and you asked me what the number for 000 was

Sirius Black: i was STRESSED

Remus Lupin: this isnt about you do you know what lily said to peter abt james

Remus Lupin: peter was bein all dramatic and said ‘hes dying’

Remus Lupin: and lily said ‘dont be ridiculous he would never do that to me’

Sirius Black: when are they going to fuck

Remus Lupin: yeah i thought it was rather romantic myself

Lily Evans to James Potter: at the risk of sounding like a tit im rlly tired of not kissing you

Lily Evans: as in i would really very much like to kiss you now and often

Lily Evans: its so late and i like you so much

Lily Evans: you always know how to make me laugh

James Potter: open your window

Lily Evans: its three in the morning

James Potter: if i keep running these red lights like i am i should be outside urs in 3 minutes

Lily Evans: oh thank god

Sirius Black to if birds get the flu can they still call it bird flu??: james has changed his profile pic from The Boys™ to one of him and lil

James Potter: why are you talking abt me like im not in this chat

Sirius Black: lupin, tell potter im not speaking to him

Remus Lupin: james, sirius says he wants to blow you

James Potter: id rather he didnt

Sirius Black: WHY DOES NO ONE WANT ME TO BLOW THEM WHEN WILL I FIND REAL MATES

#its (basically) october and this is making a shitty comeback bc yall seemed 2 want it back for some reason #jily #james potter #lily evans #sirius black #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #brotp: the lot #carolineswritingtag #caroline does social media #IM TIRED I SPENT 2 LONG ON THIS I HOPE U ALL LIKE IT #title inspo kind of to ernest hemmingway but .i dont want him 2 have credit so im not giving it 2 him #ive worked on this on and off (very off) for months im weirdly nervous for it to be in the world but that is how writing works i guess

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angeltonic · 6 years

Text

Happy Birthday to Lee!!<3 (aka my Grandma cause she’s 20 now)

On this very fine day 20 years ago, Lee was born, and in honor of such a special moment in history and to show my love, I’ve decided to compile a few things that I associate with/remind me of Lee cause I love her and she’s great.

1. Sunshine: Part of this is because you live in a very warm, sunshiney place but!! Also because I think you embody the sun in a lot of ways. You’re bright, just like the sun and when you smile its like there’s piece of it right in your face. Not only that, but I strongly feel that you are the kind of person that helps others grow. Whether that be by supporting them some how or spending time with them and having a good time, you’re always there, for me and for everyone else in your life, spreading your sun powers<3

2. Flowers: I know Im kind of starting a nature theme but hear me out! Flowers come in so mnay sizes, colors, and shapes, and they each have their own little special thing that makes them different. For that reason, I feel like you’re a bunch of flowers compiled into one person. The amount of things you are apart of and interested in make you so unique and well rounded and I love you for every single one of them <3 Whether it be theater, or languages or dancing, you’re just so c o ol.

3. That weird point in the night where you’re staying with your friends and start spilling your entire life: It’s on my bucket list to do this with you one day because with someone like you that loves their friends so much and that seems incredibly trustworthy, I feel like you’d be the perfect candidate to confide in at 3 am in the middle of summer or something along those lines.

4. Waking up in the middle of a winter morning and having a warm shower: I know you’re not from the cold but the reason I say this is because I know you’ve gone through your fair deal of dark times. When you get in the shower when it’s way too cold to be awake, there’s a weird sense of comfort and happiness. It’s almost a reminder that although there’s a cold, you can still find the warmth that makes you happy. I’m glad you’ve found more of it these past few years because you deserve nothing but happiness and wonderful things because you’re wonderful :(

5. That good feeling you get after you do something nice: I just think you’re so kind and sweet? And you’ve shown to me on multiple occassions how much you like helping people, even thinking about making an entire life out of it. You have such a pure heart and it’s going to take you so many places, I cant wait to see where<3

6. Children’s laughter: So you like really like kids? You’re probably the biggest mom friend I have ever met in my enitre life. Remember when I said that when you’re really old the whole neighborhood would be calling you Grandma Lee? That’s totally happening, I’ve clearly already started. I’ve heard about you working with kids various times while I’ve known you, and as someone who does not know how to behave at all around children( like what even is a children?) I think it goes to show how special and personable you are to build such strong relationships with the kids you work with ( the sun, I’m telling you).

7. Yellow: It’s a known fact that you love yellow, but I feel as if yellow is such a soft and happy color, and it suits you perfectly. I dont mean that only for your outfits if you do happen to wear yellow but because your entire aura would probably be yellow if we could see it. If you take all of the things about you that I have mentioned and dump them in a paint bucket, it would be yellow.

8. Discovering new places: I feel like you’re one of the best people to travel with? Not only are you great with directions but I think when you do travel it’s all about the new things you can see/experience and the good memories you can get from that. You not only remind me of visiting new places for the first time but going to new places and actually getting to know them. Like being able to remember street names, and having a favorite place to get breakfast. You just feel so familiar and inviting <3

9. Films: Well first because I know you really like filming and the stuff you make is awesome!!. Insert this masterpiece(seriously I love it so much).

youtube

Secondly, I feel like you can relate to that feeling of having your eyes about to give out from editing for so long but then you finally see your finished product and it all becomes worth it.

10. Languages: Ah yes, the Queen of Ling herself, Lee. I feel like this is a given, I really admire your interest in languages and even though Im sure French and Chinese are super hard, you stuck through for genuine interest and that makes me happy <3 Not only for languages as a whole but all of the small intricacies in language that you know and that I always look forward to hearing about. (P.s. did I mention how cool you were cause you’re super cool okay, listen).

11. That awe and amazement when an actor embodies a character so well you forget they’re an actor: I’ve never seen you perform but I feel like I’d be blown away if I ever did. I think you have such appreciation for good characters and a good story line and you put all of that into your theater work. Lowkey I really want to throw roses at you after you finish a production, just saying.

12. Soft acoustic singing: Oh, Im sorry, did I mention that Lee can SING too because she can and she can do basically everything else as proven by this post because shE’s AMAZING. But no really, I love your voice, it’s so soft and nice :( You’re so talented and I am so proud of you for being so confident and willing to put yourself out there through so many outlets.

13. That nervous feeling you get when you like someone: Lee is also litterally the Queen of Crushes. I feel like there’s something that gravitates you to people and vice versa. It’s something very soft and light and reminds you that you’re a living, breathing person.

14. Life long friendships:I feel like you’re the type to be hanigng around your same group of friends when you’re 92 and have like great grandkids. You build such good relationships with people and I think you’re willing to have them last your entire life if you can. I hope I get to come over to your house and gossip about your grandkids one day, too <3

There are so many other wonderful and lovely things that remind me of you but I am going to stop here or else I literally wont stop typing and a girl has to have some kind of self control.

Lastly, I just want to let you know that I love you <3 Thank you for giving me such a great friend that I will cherish for all of my days. I cant believe this is the second birthday Ive been here for and I hope I get to see many more. You mean a lot to me as a friend and as a big sister and I just wish I could give you tons of hugs right now!! You inspire me, make me think, make me laugh and so so much more. Thanks for putting up with me <3

- Love,

Your hermanita.

@bright-hao

#friends 💜#it's lee's birthday!!!!!!!!

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kappasigmalife · 7 years

Text

Eternal Purgatory: Chp 6 Theres Something about Robby

Eternal Purgatory: Chp 6 Theres something about Robby

Chris wakes up cuddled to Brendan in bed looking at his phone getting blown up by paul, asking for breakfast. Looking at the clock he sees its 2pm and rolls his eyes saying hes gotta meet up with his friends, given its Saturday and everyone wants to go to the movies seeing the jigsaw marathon. Brendan kisses chris’s forehead telling him he wishes he was coming with. Chris nuzzles up to his furry little cub and tells him hes always welcome to join, the more the merrier, so long as no one bothers to ask for money. Brendan looks at him and smiles, accepting the invite. Paul calls chris telling him to get here and feed him.

“Apologies my sweet prince, but the animals need tending too.” Brendan laughs as he smacks chris’s ass as he gets up to dress for the day

“what can I say I love what I see.” Chris raises his eyebrow and tells him of course he does considering the amount of fun they had last night and waking up to those gorgeous brown eyes. Brendan begins blushing as chris gets another text of paul needing food.

“yeah ill text you when we pick you up okay.” Chris leaves and kisses Brendan leaving him smiling and getting dressed. Getting home, chris looks around and slowly enters the living room with helen waiting for him with coffee.

“afternoon slut, how was your little rendezvous with brendan.” Chris embarrassed looks at her stupidly blushing like mad.

It was nothing, we gamed all night and got too drunk so I stayed over, nothing really happened.” Paul from the other room

“BULLSHIT!!!, I saw it all from his console.” Chris jaw drops and looks at paul as he comes into the room with one of his gfs by his side. Shocked and appalled chris looks at paul and questions what he means.

“what do you mean you saw, were you watching us?” “Oh no, everyone was watching you, all 10000 subscribers on pornhub, you guys were phenomenal .

Chris grows red in the face and races to his bedroom calling Brendan. On the phone chris is apologizing hoping that he would undersand he didn’t know what happened and that paul shouldn’t of recorded them. Although shocked Brendan reminds chris it didn’t mattera s he was amazing and that the comments prove that the same.

“I never knew you could go 5 hours baby, I loved how slow you took it, like it was from a movie and you were reading me like a book. Asking me if I was in pain or if I wanted it softer, you made me feel loved.” Chris blushes smiling

“I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable with what was going on, no sense of having once sided pleasure.” Paul comes in giving chris a check, written for 500 and tells him that’s his share of the profits and theres more where that came from everytime they fuck, considering many people enjoy the slow porn and actual romance. Chris just glares at paul and thinks of how much money can be made by just making love to the same person every night and grins like a moron.

“Save your load asshole, we got customers for tonight, now lets go catch the movie.” Robby cuddles with helen on the couch and reminds her how amazing being in her arms makes him feel strong. Helen reminds him that they are just starting to date but it seems like they knew each other for a long time. the group cram into the SUV and blast metal on the way to brendans who sits in the front and paul just smirks as he says his a great performer.

“shut up I didn’t know the camera was there!!!!!”

“yeah but the moaning and begging for more sure was prevalent.” Chris ducts under his shirt embarrassed and mentions that at least they got a commission off the video. Paul tells chris that the money is to be split between the two of them as they are sharing a salary. Robby asks about why he and helen weren’t recorded and paul tells him it’s a performance issue.

“what do you mean by performance issue?”

“people wanna see a hour long movie, not a 4 minute trailer.” Chris starts laughing and looks at helen and soon shuts up.

“im laughing at my own sister in disappointing sex, god I deserve to be in hell, oh wait I live with satan already.” Paul looks at chris and smiles through the rear view mirror

“and you wouldn’t change a damn thing.” “I hate it when your right, I wouldn’t change you at all, youd be too boring.” The group get to the theater and immediately get the marathon tickets and head to the middle rows with robby getting a shit load of snacks and gorging as chris and Brendan nuzzle to the movie starting. As the scares getting deeper in the movie, Brendan jumps and buries his head in chris’s chest.

“protect me, im scared.” “its okay cubby, your in safe hands.” Chris looks at paul whos smiling at the murders and looks around as everyone else is afraid.

“are we the only ones not affected by this movie series, I just love the story, but everyone just cringes at the gore, I find it appealing and exciting how he kills next using traps.” Paul nods in agreement and looks over as helen cuddles to robby, not even flinching.

“yeah you watch this while your alive, then as a dead person you don’t get much on the matter.” Chris thinks and agrees.

“yeah come to think of it, I never been scared about these movies, ive seen them since they first came out.”

Paul nods

“same here.” Brendan puts a thumbs up and asks for chris to tell him when its over.

Everyone looks at robby, watching the movie and eating his pretzel bites as everyone waits for his reaction.

Chris whispers to robby asking when he saw the movies.

“oh I don’t remember, not much to say, love the gore and mayhem.” Helen looks at robby, then asks him what his favorite anime growing up was, only to get a shrug and ignoring the situation. As the movie lets out the group look and see robby just walking to the car the rest still dumbfounded by his reaction. Chris decides to see whats up and asks robby what his parents were like when he was alive.

“eh I don’t really know, no one remembers their childhood.” “okay, I remember every time my father treated me like garbage and how my mom turned to the bottle just to cope, you obviously got something hiding in there.” “well I just don’t know, never really concerned myself with the meaning of existence.” Brendan goes over as chris drops his jaw.

“babe, you okay?”

“I don’t know if I should be pissed, jealous, or confused, im currently all three.” Paul walks over telling chris to get in before he leaves without him. Chris jumps in the back with Brendan and looks as robby stares blankly out the window.

“you ever wonder how far the world goes, like beyond our reach are the stars and through that, vast amounts of nothing, like a fantasy world undiscovered.”

The group get to the house where chris decides to take a break from the pressing matter of robbys psyche and goes to take a nap, with Brendan joining him. While getting up late in the evening to grab some late night snacks, chris goes to the living room to robby watching angel beats crying.

“yeah that anime was sad bro, but its just anime, not like your really in purgatory…. Never mind.” “no its not that, the characters all remember where they came from, you guys did too, but I don’t, all I know is my name and barely anything else, almost like im in a drugged state.” “hey bro its okay, no need to feel off about it, you will figure it all out over time.” Robby goes on to talk about he doesn’t even have a spectral power yet and everyone else including chris has their developing while he remains a ghost.

“I know its rough man, but you need to relax, youll figure things out as time passes, were basically here for centuries.” As chris glows his hands to calm robby down, he begins emitting a glow from his eyes creating a bright flash knocking him out. chris disappears and fall unconscious. A half hour later chris wakes up on a marble floor and finds himself in an entryway of a castle only not to find anyone around. As he lingers around, he looks at the hall behind him expand to hundreds of doors and goes to look, seeing a chain attached to him leading back to the front gate labeled exit. Chris finds a wooden door with a golden knob with the image of a rat on it. When he opens it shows a currently aged robby looking at a rat by his dining hall and calls it “sir whiskers”, while a bunch of frat guys laugh at him. The door reminiscent of smelling like lavender leads to a meadow where robby is shown hiking, getting bitten by a snake. Chris finds a chained door with no handle with a warning on the front labeled (NO ENTRY). Hearing crying, chris backs away and follows his chain back to the entrance that has been left partially opened. Looking back the halls appear black and slowly residing away as if withering, hearing chains, chris runs through the open gate in the front and leads to a massive light shining before him and appears outside of the castel and back home. Going back to bed, Brendan asks what took him so long and Chris replies with a friend who needed him. Chris gets up once more and brings robby to helens, and tells her that she should really be thankful for all he is.

“there's something about him hidden deep in his mind, but forcing your way in is devils work.”

Helen becomes confused and asks what chris means, chris points to his watch.

“3am sis, no way were doing that.”

#eternal purgatory #fantasy #lgbt #comic idea

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onceawasteland · 7 years

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NATASHA, PIERRE AND THE GREAT COMET OF 1812 (August 11th 2017, and August 12th 2017) there are spoilers to come but i felt you would all appreciate my take on the show for I have greatly appreciated everyone else's reviews. THIS STORY IS THE BEST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME AND I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT IT IS CLOSING. the above are pictures from my two respective seats and at the stage door Act One * the walls are covered in portraits from the 1800s, some of which are landscapes of operas) * i danced (badly) on a broadway stage * to get to the on stage seating you enter through lucas' door * while waiting for the show to start old russian music is playing. they also played some french music bc they were francophiles YAY FOR HISTORY * a lady behind me said "omg look at how they did the staging... i guess its pretty clear that theres not a lot of dancing in this show. and i about died laughing * during prologue Cathryn squeaked on the clarinet as she ran down the stairs and my best friend is a clarinet player so this made her RIDICULOUSLY happy * OAK LOOKED RIGHT AT ME DURING MY FAVORITE PART OF PIERRE WHICH IS MY FAVORITE SONG (You empty and stupid, contented fellows. satisfied with your place, im different from you im different from you. i stilll want to do something) * during pierre, pierre sings the part, "and how many men before good russian men, believing in goodness and truth" right to Anatole (who is in the main spot light) and a bunch of other dudes including Dolokohv * Anatole is wasted pretty much the whole show but he this is when you first notice it and lucas was sitting on the stairs right next to me and he kind of drunkenly slipped before he ran to the other side of the stage and i was like 😍😍 * Deneé was on our side of the stage pretty much the whole show and she looked me straight in the eyes about 15 times * during the very beginning of no one else when the music just starts to play Deneé walks with very youthful steps and it just emphasizes her innocence and lack of awareness and just EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS PLAY IS MAGIC * no one else is the most beautiful thing i have ever seen (well kind of if you dont count the great comet of 1812) The independent lightbulbs which are hanging from the ceiling all kind of drop so it kind of looks like Natasha is floating among the stars * when deneé sang "we were angles once dont you remember" the second night i was there the guy she was singing to on stage right said yes and you could hear it in her mike 😂 * also during no one else, when Deneé sings "this winter sky" she is standing on the top tier of stairs and she flings her arms out gesturing to the sky and the blue light of the moon is the only real light on her and it is quite simply breathtaking * andrei shows up 3-4 times during act one and its super sad every time. the first one (i think, from my vantage point) was during no one else when Natasha is squeezing her knees. Andrei is holding her letters in his hand and then he puts them in his coat pocket right next to his heart and i want to die. * at the beginning of the opera when Dolokohv is introduced he is so ridiculously arrogant and its adorable. Dolokohv in general is pretty fucking adorable. He points at the mezzanine and smirks and its beautiful * at the opera when Natasha says "a little sad a little stout" pierre is in the parlor which is right between natasha and Marya, and Helene and he makes this face like "wtf dude we should be bros" and he is playing the accordion and he pulls it in a way that the note declines and its just this hilarious moment * during the opera andrei shows up covered in blood right after Natasha sees Anatole is staring at her and its so depressing and also NICHOLAS BELTON OMG * Andrei also shows up during Natasha and Anatole (ok my heart 💔) * pierre is reading in his study through almost the entire show * So i heard this before and i didnt believe it bc you cant tell from just the music but the way that lucas plays Anatole is just so complex i love it. During, Natasha and Anatole he is a. really surprised at the amount that he isnt being rebuffed. and b. he has all these nervous tics before he enters the box all the way and makes his presence known and it just adds so much to the character because while yes he is the bad guy he isnt evil he is just unaware of everyone else. * he also tries to convince himself that he isnt doing anything wrong during "we are speaking of the most ordinary things" he wasnt trying to convince her HE WAS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF * and then RIGHT WHEN SHE SAYS "yet I feel closer to you thank Ive ever felt with any other man" he just looks so happy and surprised * Right before Anatole goes to talk to Pierre during the duel he does this mind blown motion after watching natasha exit and its so fucking cute * DOLOKOHV'S "DRINK DRINK"s AT THE BEGINNING OF THE DUEL HAPPENED AS HE RAN UP THE STAIRS RIGHT NEXT TO ME AND I DIED BC HOLY FUCK NICK CHOKSI * I know you all already know this but the strobe lights are the most badass thing i have ever seen in my life. i straight up thought i was going to die they are SO intense. and during the ohohohohohs at the beginning lucas and nick did this hoping dance and i was like 😍 and its so cool bc of the strobe lights and I WILL NEVER GET OVER THE STROBE LIGHTS HOLY FUCK * the second night i saw it, i cant remember who it was but, someone literally almost kicked me in the face from the stage section right in front of me * during the line "then i feel a pleasant warmth in my body" LUCAS DOES A BODY ROLE AND IT IS SO RIDICULOUSLY HOT I CANNOT EVEN DESCRIBE IT * OK OAK! this is the moment i was like FUCK ME GENTLY WITH A CHAINSAW THIS BOY IS A GIFT FROM HEAVEN. When Dolokohv is singing "heres to the health of married women" he is talking directly into pierre's face trying to bro out, and oak's face just falls completely and im like I NEED TO GIVE YOU A HUG DONT BE SAD. then, THENNNNN Dolokohv actually goes and makes out with helene two feet away from him and the hurt on oaks face was so raw i just 😭 * during the duel it is super obvious that Helene actually cares about Pierre because when she see that he hit Dolokohv shes more worried about the retribution than she is about dolokohv and i just want to die bc these characters are so fucking complex and BEAUTIFULLLLL * Dust and Ashes IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SONG AND OAK SINGS IT SO WELL AND I DIDNT KNOW THAT THE SONGS COULD GET BETTER BUT HE DID AND I WANT TO DIE * Dust and Ashes is my best friends favorite song and Oak looked directly at her during her favorite line too and its like he fucking knew we were sitting there * during sunday morning Sonya is trying to imitate Marya by sitting exactly like her and that is so great * Charming is gay. that is all there is to say really, just GAYYYYY * and Natasha imitates Helene at the end of Charming which again shows her innocence (SCREAMING) * she then makes the most adorable "well if you say so face" during "but still she talks so frankly. so it must be alright" and she kind of shrugs and AGHHHH * at the beginning if the ball Anatole, again, has all sorts of nervous energy and hes pacing and bouncing on the balls of his feet shaking his hands. and it just adds so much depth. * the ball was really distracting the first night bc two people (cant say who they were bc they are in huge ass masks) were dancing like 6 inches away from me and kept breathing in my ear. I am not complaining. * Lucas turns around with his hands up in a surrender pose like "i didnt do anything what are you saying" when natasha says "your hurting my hand" which i love. then he runs up and just grabs her bodily, turns her to him and smashes his lips on to hers. they stay like that for like 4 seconds and then natasha throws herself on top of him, essentially, and he kind of spins them around and its really kind of romantic (i am not a shipper of the two, except that i maybe kind of am after seeing how they interact with eachother) * Natasha kind of freaks out after the kiss but she is convinced that there is nothing else for her now but anatole and its like GIRLLLLL * Lucas and Deneé leave the stage arm and arm through the big door at the back with the same white lights that Anatole entered with. ACT 2 VERY FIRST THING THAT HAPPENED IN ACT TWO. LUCAS STEELE STARED INTO MY EYES FOR A SOLID 6 SECONDS AND SMIRKED AT ME AN I DIED AND MY FACE PROBABLY LOOKED SO DUMB BUT I DONT CARE BECAUSE AGHH In Letters when pierre says IT IS NAPOLEON the portrait of napoleon on the wall lit up and i cried andrei was there during all of letters and it was so depressing BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHATS COMING AND AGH. right before sonya and natasha sonya and anatole glare at eachother as lucas exists and then sonya runs to grab the letter from natasha's hand. DENEÉ'S SASS DURING THE LINE "I do not grasp the question" is fucking epic. she roles her eyes and its perfection during Sonya alone Igrid Michaelson was literally three feet away. and the lights didnt light up behind denee and i was like ohhh someone messed up. Dolokohv was trying insanely hard to convince anatole not to go through with the abduction and his turmole was very evident. at one point denee walk across the stage and he looked between her and anatole, ran his hand through his hair and then just gives in and follows. Anatole is v annoyed with Dolokohv during preparations. while dolokohv is speaking he is mouthing along like "shut up bro you dont know wtf youre saying" its very funny balaga: there are no words just so much happened paul pinto is a beast i dont even know how he does it. ok on night two i tried write down things from balaga Heath whipped me in the face with his hair as he was head banging on the stage in front of me. marya plays the drums at the top of the stage #GRACEMcLEANISAGODDESS andrei is present through most of act two. he is playing the triangle in pierre's study during balaga OAK DOES THE MOST ADORABLE LAUGH AFTER HIS "WooooOOOOOOAHHH" in abduction. he makes me want to die Lucas' "WAAAAAAIIIT first we have to sit down" is hilarious because the amount of time that he just sits there in silence flirting with this random lady on stage is ridiculous. he messes with his hair and puts his arm around her while we (i) all just sit there staring at him with doppy smiles on our (my) faces. on night two he sat next to a guy on the stage and i really thought he was going to flirt with him as well but alas dolokohv's fur cloak bit is very funny and the cloak is purple which is not what i imagined. again i will say that he is adorable anatole makes out with the fur cloak girl before going to get natasha. boi Grace McLean's in my house is not just angry she is also devastated that natasha is to be ruined. her face is contorted with pain in almost every line. and she is pleading with natasha to listen to her. her vocals are just so insane just OMG the blocking during in my house was also insanely cool. sonya, natasha, and Marya are standing in a a triangle the whole time (denee was RIGHT in front of me for the majority of the time) and they would switch which point of the triangle they were at and the rotation was very neat. I REALIZED LATER THAT THIS IS A PARALLEL TO MOSCOW BECAUSE THEY ARE STANDING IN A TRIANGLE THEN TOO AND OMG THIS SHOW DOES LITERALLY EVERYTHING RIGHT in call to pierre, oaks first what, when pinto gives him the letter is like "wtf is going on here im nobody whats going on" and despite being very depressing is also kind of funny. the whats then progressively get less funny and more depressing and i HATE THAT THIS HAPPENS TO MY CHILDREN NICHOLAS BELTON WAS RIGHT NEXT TO ME ON THE SECOND NIGHT DURING CALL TO PIERRE AND HE KIND OF RUNS AND HIDES BEHIND A POST IN THE BACK OF THE THEATER AS PIERRE LEARSN WHAT HAPPENED TO NATASHA. pierre went to find anatole in the club all of the ensemble were surrounding the walls of the theater and it felt like we were actually in the club which was insane after "NATASH, NATASHA. IT IS ESSENTIAL THAT I SEE NATASHA" Anatole throws his head down into helene's lap and i read somewhere that "they downplayed the incest" BUT I CALL BULL SHIT I DIDNT SAY THIS EARLIER BUT DURING THE DUEL AT THE LINE "Imma make love to her" AMBER IS GRINDING ON LUCAS SO I CALL BULL FUCKING SHIT anatole is also really distraught. its super weird bc with just the music to go off of you think anatole is just this jackass that wants nothing but to feel good and fuck everyone else... BUT LUCAS OMG lucas makes him sympathetic. he seems to really love natasha and when pierre is yelling at him he takes it to heart and freaks the hell out and just my love (i mean still a dick but) pierre and anatole is so fucking intense. and the ending if it when anatole is being a whiny baby IT IS SO GREAT BC ITS SO CLEAR HE IS THROWING A TEMPER TANTRUM which emphasizes his age and lack of understanding as well WHICH IS JUST SO FUCKING GREAT. Anatole's exit is almost an exact reflection of his entrance. with the lights flaring as he walks out the door everyone talks about this but when natasha poisons herself shes right between anatole and pierre and its so depressing and just my heart pierre and andrei is so fucking sad. first off in the book (which is all about redemption, ill get to that) Andrei gets the BEST most beautiful redemption arc, and ive always been kind if sad that they took that out. everyone else gets at least the possibility of redemption and they just straight up removed every possibility of andrei finding forgiveness. but whatever this is the song that made me start crying, i didnt stop until i was standing at the stage door both nights. ITS JUST SO FUCKING SAD AND I DONT EVER WANT TO FORGET NICHOLAS BELTON STANDING ON THE STAGE "smiling like his father" AS HE COMES TO TERMS WITH THIS BETRAYAL. OAK! OAKKKKKK. I did not know that pierre could get better i thought we had reached maximum amazing but HOLY SHIT. first off the whole time he was hilarious. at the beginning of the Duel when he said opera he satirized the word and drew it out kind of long which was hilarious. and other little moments while he was in his parlor. BRILLIANT. and then AND THEN DURING PIERRE AND NATASHA. i have no words the whole thing was heart breaking. I started crying during Pierre and Andrei and I didnt stop until the end, at the stage door, but holy fuck. after he says his line (you all know the one) i could SEE this singular tear fall from his face and god damn if that wasnt the most heart wrenching thing i have ever seen. he was full on sobbing on stage and i could not handle it. During Pierre and Natasha, Helene, Marya, and Dolokohv were sitting in the audience sections and Helene was crying, dolokohv was strumming his guitar and looking very depressed and Marya just sat there shaking her head. Im not sure if other people were around too but those were the three i could see. during great comet everything is just so beautiful. oaks acting and gestures made everything 100102948391x better but the lighting was INSANE. the comet was beautiful the stars were beautiful, oak was beautiful. one of the MOST stunning plays I have EVER seen in so many ways. a person is not supposed to cry 6 times during a show... it requires magic and this show had it in bucket loads. STAGE DOOR DAY ONE: I MISSED GRACE MCLEAN BC I WAS DISTRACTED AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF AGHWHSHF Lucas must be on voice rest bc he wasnt saying anything but HE WAS SO CUTE AND IM DYING BC HE TOUCHED ME. (also i became like ridiculously starstruck and forgot that i wanted to tell him how much his acting adds to the lyrics and the character and how he is so much more sympathetic because he genuinely loves natasha and just doesn't demonstrate that in a good way, i will also. ever forgive myself for that) there was a little girl next to me at the stage door and the actresses were all being so encouraging to her. they were like "if you want to be an actress DO IT, I was right where you were once and now im here. you have it in you, just dont ever give up." and i wanted to cry bc OH JESUS THEY ARE SUCH GOOD PEOPLE. Paul Pinto is THE MOST™. i absolutely love it even after the show he had SO much energy. i was like 😮 how. Nick Choksi is adorable and wears so much eyeliner and he also talked to the little girl next to me about how excited he would be to see her name up on a marquee one day and i cried. I have no idea what I said to him bc again i was starstruck. My best friend died a little bc she loves him and i think it was honestly one of the best moments of her life. Amber, Oak, and Denee didnt come out (sobs) but APPARENTLY Renee Elise Goldsberry was there to congratulate Oak and support him and i was to cry again. OK DAY TWO STAGE DOOR: * this was a scary night for me * i got into a fight with a man because he was being exceptionally rude to the actors and i called him out on it and he started screaming at me and then he started pushing this other lady right when Shoba was signing in front of us and she looked so scared and i feel so fucking bad * also his daughter was obviously a huge fan of the show and was so excited to see the cast and when he got kicked out she was sobbing and i will maybe never forgive myself for ruining this girls night on broadway but someone needed to say something. he was straight up making fun of the cast as they were three feet away from him and the final straw for me was when he said "some one needs to go in there and grab that blond bitch by the hair and drag her out here. if no one else will ill do it" and so i turned around and said "excuse me sir would you mind turning down the vulgarity. it's incredibly disrespectful" and he said some of the meanest things i have ever heard from another person (called me a bitch, told me i would always be alone, tried to intimidate me by saying he was three times my age... i was just like that says more about you than it does about me man) any way the security guy (idk his name but i love him) got him to leave and then once he was gone i started crying bc everyone around me was patting me on the back trying to make me feel better and that makes me cry apparently. * SO THEN ANGLE MAN MCSECURITY came over and tried to cheer me up as did many other people which really only made it worse but everyone was being so kind and trying to distract me and finally i said "FUCK IT I CANT BE CRYING WHEN LUCAS STEELE COMES OUT" and everyone laughed and i started to stop crying. OK SO WHEN LUCAS CAME OUT AND GOT TO ME ANGLE SECURITY MAN SAID "lucas just so you know this girl has had a really hard time just now. a man was being very confrontational with her in the crowd, (wait for it) can she have a hug" and lucas stared into my eyes (LMAO I AM NATASHA) and said (his voice was so raspy and he was definitely not supposed to be speaking) "im so sorry but if i hug you i have to hug everyone, im so sorry that you had an altercation. here i can do this" AND HE STARTED RUBBING MY HAND IN CIRCLES AND I ABOUT DIED and i said "its ok i totally understand, you are actually fantastic (AND I LOVE YOU, actually no i didnt say that) can i have a picture?" and he said yes (its so bad) and then went down the line more BUT HOLY FUCK * and THEN i asked the totally innocuous question to angle security man, out if curiosity not wanting to do it myself, "not to sound presumptuous or anything but how is it that people grt to go back stage at things like this?" and he said friends or family and i said ok, makes sense i was just curious. THEN HE CAME BACK 3 MINUTES LATER AND SAID "i just wanted to let you know i tried to get you back stage, my friend Summaya is in the cast would have taken you but she already left. i hope thats ok." and i just kind of stared at him bc I WASNT ASKING TO GO BACK MYSELF IT WAS A FOR FUTURE REFERENCE THING and i said "no no of course i totally understand dont worry about it" * GUESS WHAT ELSE HAPPEND BRITTAN ASHFORD WAS THERE AND WHEN SHE CAME OUT i started pointing and talking incoherently and he said, "do you want Brittan's autograph?" and i just kind of nodded and he BROUGHT HER OVER TO ME * Nicholas Belton didnt come out the stage door but he apparently was meeting up with Cathryn and a bunch of the other cast after the show bc i saw him as i was walking to my uber and i just kind if stalked him a little bit bc OMG and i love that they all go out together after the show * Anthony Ramos and Jasmine Cephas Jones were at the show to see Oak and they went in the stage door and Jasmine waved right to me after she saw me waving at her. they showed up separately and i was like OMG ARE THEY OK I HOPE THEYRE OK... but its all good * and Alex Gibbson told me that he was proud of me for having read War and Peace because his copy was collecting dust in the attic somewhere and i laughed * and BRAD GIOVANINE REMEMVERD ME at the sage door he said "hey! you were here last night werent you?" and i said "YEAH!" and he said "yes, i thought i recognized you in the audience! thank you so much for coming back" and i said "I wouldnt have missed it, thank you for telling this story" and that was a definite highlight OK SO THE REASON THAT THIS SHOW IS MAGIC: so the main message of war and peace is that people are good, and redemption, for even the most base of people, is not only possible it is probable because when you break it down we are all imbued with humanity which can triumph when/if we let it. the show doesnt necessarily show that redemptive possibility because it is the part of the story where literally everyone is at their worst. BUT the acting and intention behind the blocking and the small things show that even the very worst of characters (cough anatole, cough helene, cough dolokohv), that we really shouldnt sympathize with based on their actions, are portrayed in such a way that it is IMPOSSIBLE to not see them as, at their root, good. it is impossible to not see their humanity. their weaknesses are on full display, but those weaknesses are merely weakness. they are not evil, they are a result of circumstance and upbringing. not to mention the characters we are supposed to love... they are so easy to forgive its ridiculous in conclusion: Natasha, Pierre, and The Great Comet of 1812 is the bets musical i have ever seen. I love the cast with all of my heart because of their talent and kindness, I will NEVER forget the magic that was tonight. i CANNOT believe that this show is closing. I will never see anything like it ever again and its a travesty. I hope one day there is a revival that is this good... i have hope 🙏🏻.

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leegeumhyuks · 7 years

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Seventeen in Toronto Highlights (Long Post)

this is gonna be such a shit post im basically ranting bc i have a lot of seventeen feels rn (its gonna be long too)

the concert happened like 4 days ago and I’m still not over it

Okay so I live in new Brunswick so it was a 15 hour drive one way. We drove up the day before and drove home the day after.

It was tiring, but so worth it. One of the best experiences of my life(oh btw i went with a friend ^^)

(not relevant to the concert but we went to a cute Korean store called Sarah and Tom which had a MASSIVE collection of kpop albums so I bought Going Seventeen and a BTS album :) )

Alright so the concert was at a place called Massey Hall which is more like a theater than a concert stadium [lowkey looked like a place you would go to see a play or an opera or some shit]

it was a pretty small place so really no matter where you sat, you could see really well so any seat was a good seat

Me and my friend were center-balcony near the back so we had a very clear view of the stage (other than there was some tall dude in front of me so it was a bit difficult at times)

We arrived outside the venue at around 6:20 (concert started at 7) and the line to get in already went around a whole block. People were stopping to ask what was going on and apparently it made the Toronto news??

So we get in at around 6:40 and the venue is already more than half full and theyre just playing music videos and everyone was singing along

And when I say everyone was singing along i mean everyone

Honestly I only remember a few of the songs but I they played BoomBoom, Very Nice, Highlight, Healing, and Check In

I have never been happier in my entire life when every single damn person in the venue did Mingyu’s “WhhoAHHH YeaAAHHH’ part. Super. Fucking. Loud

Alright so let me tell you my dudes, It was the biggest adrenaline rush when all the lights went out and you could see the boys run out on stage in the dimness. My heart felt like it stopped.

The lights turn on and I hear Dokyum say “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Diamond Edge” but honestly I wasnt even paying attention bc I was just so blown away

Literally my very first thought upon seeing them was “They’re not real” bc the very first person I looked at was Jeonghan and I thought he was so damn gorgeous he must be fake

He’s literal ethereal. I could go off about how good looking he is. Honestly the true visual of Svt (i swear hes not my bias)

So the very first stage was Pretty U and honestly I dont remember much bc i was too busy freaking out over the fact that I was actually there and they were actually here. I just remember everyone dancing along to Dokyums “Neoneoneoneo” part and all of us doing the “Yeppeuda” part

(they performed Beautiful right after and i really dont remember much of it other than the dance in the chorus [i have such a shit memory its mainly why im making this post before ill forget it all])

So after that they went straight into Adore U (which is my fav svt song although it probably isnt anymore after habits but ill talk about that in a bit)

Oh man if you thought I went off about Jeonghans visuals let me tell you about this mans vocals. They’re so sweet. Sweeter than honey. Jeonghans part in the chorus is my absolute favorite part of the song and it sounds 10000x better live. He just sings it so flawlessly while doing the dance and overall I was just so impressed??

Jihoon also sounded amazing but like let me just take a minute and say every single member sounded fucking perfect and flawless like if you aren’t stanning Seventeen then what are you doing

And the dances were so on point too. I didn’t notice any slip ups or anybody trippin or nothing. Like you’d think they’d show signs of fatigue or being tired bc they did two shows the few days before but they were all so hyped and gave their all in every stage and they genuinely looked like they were enjoying themselves

Anyways back to Adore U

Everyone in the crowd did the “Akkinda” part and I could see Soonyoung smiling so big bc of that like he was really happy bc of it

After Adore U finished they all lined up to do their intros and introduced themselves as a group and then did their individual intros

Most of them just did a casual “Hi I’m ___” but then you had the extra™️ members

Soonyoung got us all to chant something (im not sure what it was exactly I think it was ‘rock the beat’) and then he did his usual “What time is it??” “10 Hour 10 Minute” which honestly made my life i was hoping for him to do that (i love soonyoung sm honestly most of my favorite moments of the concert were bc of him)

Dokyum also did a thing where he got everyone to scream for him

All of their intros were great but none of them were as memorable as Jihoons for me

I know a lot of people were saying ‘He’s not that small in person’, but to me he was so small and cute and I just wanted to go and hug him bc hes so freaking adorable

So Jihoon’s kinda quiet and shy in general, we know that from variety shows and such but I saw it a lot in the concert. Like when other members were talking he just stood quietly with his hands folded and there was this one part where they all ran towards the edge of the stage and gave hearts and Jihoon like covered his face a bit and looked embarrassed

So anyways he does like this cute little “Hi guys” and I just fucking melted right there. I made an audible “awwwww” sound that my friend was like ???

I love Jihoon so much and I will forever see him as the cute and adorable little smol (boi got a voice tho holy shit)

So they talked a bit more after that about how they walked around Toronto a bit the day before and how they were impressed with the crowd dancing along to Pretty U and Mingyu taught us a little chant where they would say “Seventeen Carat” and we would go ‘clap clap Ehhhhh’ it was weird but cute

So they went straight into Still Lonely from there and I hate my brain for not remembering most of it bc its one of my favorite songs but I just remember Minghao doing Jun’s part in the last chorus and sounding amazing honestly i want an official 13 member version of that song

So after that was Very Nice which was indeed, very nice. Dancing on point. Dino and Vernons rap were amazing and the whole audience did the “Maja” part

Also dont remember much of that stage but I definitely remember the last part bc thats the part where my son, Chan, is in the front. 10/10

Okay so I have 2 favorite performances of the night. One of which was Swimming Fool. I am such a hoe for Performance unit (considering 2 of my biases are in it) so actually every performance of theirs was my fav but Swimming Fool tho.

That song is one of my favs and I had never seen the dance before so I was basically dying the whole time. Soonyoung’s little wiggle dance and the jumping up and down dance that Chan did. The whole dance was so cute tbh Ive been re-watching that video every day since. (if youve never seen the dance pls watch this. Not my video tho)

Alright imma talk about Soonyoung for a minute. This boi. Was so hyper the entire concert. He was doing his usual yelling during songs and was giggling a whole lot, I noticed. (He also dabbed like 20 times and i was like someone pls stop him)

(There was one part where he went and dabbed right in front of Jihoon and i laughed a little harder than i should have)

And I’m honestly so glad that Soonyoung was feeling great the whole time bc apparently at the Chicago(?) show he wasn’t able to perform bc he was sick so we were extremely blessed that all 13 members were well and healthy to perform for us so like thank u jesus for keeping them all safe

(I was lowkey worried about that a lot before the concert bc of when I heard Hyungwon was missing parts of the tour with MX so I was like “Lord pls let it be all 13″)

anywho so all the members went to change outfits and they played a vcr (dont remember what of tho i have such a shit memory)

So yall they did Mansae next and started out with the class chairs and Dokyum was the teacher at the blackboard it was rlly cute!! ^^ And towards the end they repeated the “MansaeMansae” part and got everyone to do the dance it was such a great time

So while the rest of the group was preparing for the next stage(i presume), Chan and Seungcheol came out, just the two of them, with a gopro and said it was the camera for “Going Seventeen” and were filming the crowd and interacting with us a bit. And then they had a dance battle (Which Dino clearly won Seungcheol didnt stand a chance against Michael Chanson)

So then everybody came out and did BoomBoom which was incredible (every stage was amazing i feel like i shouldnt have to say it) Most of the crowd even did the shirt thing which was really fun. Chan slayed his rap (i love my son)

So after that there was another vcr and the members changed outfits again

Vocal unit came out and sang We Gonna Make It Shine and boys let me say I have never fell in love with someone vocals so much before in my life. Like I’ve always loved Jihoon’s voice bc it was unique and its got a nasally tone to it and I love it, but hearing it in person made me love it 100x more

And for a while I actually thought Jihoon wasn’t singing?? Bc he just sounded so flawless, like exactly like the recording that I thought ‘maybe hes lip singing bc his throat is bad or something’ and I’m hitting myself now for even thinking that bc really Lee Jihoon is just the most amazing vocalist I’ve ever heard Boo Seungkwan who???

So yeah Vocal unit slayed even though I’ll always like the 2014 version of that song with Soonyoung better

As soon as that song ended they went straight into Don’t Listen and omg let me talk about visuals. The stage had this whole setup with a table with some fancy ass candles on it and there was a throne that Joshua was sitting in and the lighting was really eerie and I really don’t listen to that song much but im gonna listen to it every day from now on bc damn

HipHop unit had their turn next where they did some song which I had never heard of before called “On Haeng Il Chi” and it was dope then went into Check In and once again everyone did Mingyus “ohhhhhHHh yeahH” part (glorious I tell you)

Seungcheol was serving looks the whole time bc he was wearing this black suit set and he just looked so good the whole time. Honestly Seungcheol was such a tease the whole concert and i got a look at his thighs at one point and man he thicc

Vernon was also wearing this nice green shirt and I just really liked it for some reason and I wish I had taken more pictures and videos I hate myself for not doing that

AlrIGHT Performance Unit time!!! So leadin up to the concert I thought they were gonna perform “WHO” bc it was a bonus track and I just thought they would perform it for some reason so when they were all standing there ready for the song to start, the amount of confusion on my face when OMG came on… Wasn’t disappointed tho that performance was awesome

Still would like to see a performance of WHO tho I hope they’ll do that next time

And then they did Highlight and me and my friend even switched seats so I could get a better video of it bc I love that song so much. Also leading up to the concert I knew they were going to do this song but I wasn’t sure if they were going to do 13 member version or not but I’m glad it was just the 4 of them

Oh man okay I’m gonna talk about my bias, Chan, for a second. His stage presence in every song is seriously amazing. A main reason why hes my bias is bc im a huge fan of his dancing and his dance style(and he pretty cute) and seeing him perform live was incredible. it was almost overwhelming bc I couldnt believe someone this talented existed and I was watching them in their element

Like he put his all into the dance while still executing his raps and vocals perfectly. His voice actually does sound a bit different live, like its a bit higher than I expected but he was so on point the whole night why is he such an underrated member

Okay so the members had another outfit change after this and these outfits were straight up sinful. Not to mention the first song they performed in them was equally as sinful so I’m going to on about this performance bc this was the best performance imo. I will never forget it. It’s ingrained into my brain forever

So Crazy In Love starts. Okay so I don’t listen to this song much as far as just listening to it in my free time, but I’d seen the dance before so as soon as I heard the music, I knew we were royally fucked. I wasn’t expecting this song probably bc i forgot it existed but its my new fav song guys this performance ruined me.

So the lights come on at the very first part and these mofos are wearing tight black skinny pants (which looked like they were leather but they werent) and red silk sparkly shirts that were tucked in. Every single member looked flawless

(Also didn’t mention this before but all of their hair was styled so well bless the stylists. I normally prefer a more natural color for hair on idols so I was glad the colorful dye had faded and most of them just went with black or brown)

But lord have mercy when the song started. Okay Chan is my bias but I could not stop staring at Soonyoung almost the entire time - minus for Chan’s “talking about love” part (which I remember doing the dance for and screaming while doing so)

Like you get Swimming Fool Soonyoung whos all cute and playful and going “YEEEE HAWW” during the song and then you get Crazy In Love Soonyoung whos all bedroom eyes and sexy glares and just everything about the way he moves is mesmerizing (i swear. Hes NOT my bias)

So getting through the first chorus is hard enough when BOTH my bias and bias wrecker are up in front doing that provocative shit and I was so conflicted on which one to stare at but I ended up staring at Soonyoung the whole time.

And then in the second chorus when it’s just Jeonghan doing it and both me and my friend screamed so loud ugh the outfits were so perfect for this dance i wanted to D I E

And then it gets to the Part in the song yknow the “Ooohhhhh” part where they spin around and when it was Soonyoungs part to do that by himself. I don’t even have words for how that made me feel. That image is in my mind forever. You know that meme thats like “you ever wonder whats going on in someones head?” well yeah its that for me

It’s just Soonyung doing that one dance move

okay moving on Ive talked about this enough

My I was right after and I’d never seen the dance to that either and it was really beautiful and cool like idk how to describe it. It was like a very romantic type of dance and Jun and Minghao had such great chemistry on stage together they really blew me away

OKay now imma freak out some more bc Vocal Unit performed Habits. I actually recorded this whole song so I wasn’t really paying attention to what was happening on stage bc they were all just standing there with mic stand anyways. I was enjoying the audio and their lovely vocals. (Again, Jihoon really exceeded my expectations in this song. Like for some members like Dokyum and Seungkwan I know theyre gonna sound great and its not like I didn’t for the rest but I’m just still not over how good EVERYONE sounded)

So I’m enjoying them vocals and the song ends and my friend taps on my arm and points to her face and there are actual tears. This bitch really cried. At the time I was like “during Habits of all songs??” but i was so naive now I understand(I cried 2 days later listening to that song)

Hiphop unit then did If I which I remember 0 of I think I was still too shook from Vocal Unit

I just remember their little hip thrust dance and then immediately after was a ment and Soonyoung was mimicking HH units dance and giggling like an idiot and got the whole crowd to sing and dance to If I

“Ohh Toronto. Dancing good”

Then they were all arguing over which unit’s performance suited Toronto the best but then decided that they all did

And then Soonyoung dabbed

Too many times

Everyone also dabbed with him this group is a M E S S

And then they got Jeonghan to do Aegyo so he spun around and made a heart and said “Toronto I love you!” in the cutest voice possible I swear I’m in love with Jeonghans voice

And then Wonwoo did a cute little dance to which we all chanted ‘Go Wonwoo’ for and then Soonyoung dabbed

again

(It made Jihoon cringe every time)

Then Jeonghan tried to get Seungkwan to sing something and Boo was like ‘moVING ON” but he gave in and sang a bit of Hello by adele which was really nice. Like damn the acoustics in that theater were no joke bc its a theater (i assume) made for plays and stuff and him singing without any track sounded really nice.

And then they asked my boi Chan to dance so he started singing Billie Jean by Michael Jackson and doing the hipthrust dance and Seungkwan ran over like ‘nOO”. But Chan just kept dancing and singing and having a good time and being w i l d to which Seungcheol cracked up at. He literally fell on the floor laughing

And they kept going on about how this was a totally special stage for Toronto, “only for Toronto”

So then they went on to say they were gonna perform a very “hot” song next and my clueless ass was like ‘Don’t wanna cry?’ but naw it was ROCK which I only recorded part of bc the lighting was bad and my phone sucks

But okay I can just say that Wonwoo’s voice sounds 10x deeper in person. If you thought his rap was really deep in that song, wait until you hear it live. For a long time Wonwoo was my favorite rapper in kpop and I think hes regaining that title he was very good the whole night and I really like his deep voice

and then they did Chuck which was SO AMAZING HOLY CRAP

I love that song sm in the first place but I love it even more now upon seeing and hearing it in person. I recorded a bit of that one too and love it i watch that video like 3 times a day

So then they had another short Ment where they taught us the dance to Chuck and Soonyoung doing the “brrrr” part was so adorable I wanted to die. (I feel like Im talking about Soonyoung a lot but im just so glad he was able to perform in Toronto ilysm)

So then Vernon was like “I actually have some bad new for yall” and all the members were like ‘whaaat??’ and pretending to be shocked

So Vernon goes on: “The next song is actually the last song for the night” and Soonyoung made this fake crying noise and then dabbED LIKE 5 TIMES

That was when he went over to Jihoon and dabbed right in front of him and then was like “Oh my god our last song?”

and then Vernon being the cheeky ass that he is was like “Yeah and I really dont wanna cry about it” and then him and Soonyoung went to the back of the stage to “cry” and all the other members were “crying”

Then Vernon came back and like “I wonder what our next song is tho? Hm????” and im like really bitch

So Soonyoung yelled ‘are you ready’ a few times and then they performed Don’t Wanna Cry which was INCREDIBLE

They were all in perfect sync like im seriously amazed. These boys probably have to practice day and night to get dances like that. It was amazing

So the boys left the stage for a bit and there was a another vcr which was of all the member explaining what carats were to them and it was really sweet and my friend cried again (she cried like 3 times that night) and I died at Jihoons bc there was this short clip of him and hes just so darn cute

so they came out again and performed Shining Diamond but were wearing casual jeans and half were wearing blue shirts and the other half were wearing pink shirts and Soonyoung looked so good in that outfit bc his shirt was tucked in in the front and his hair was just so great

anyways they all looked like they had fun performing that song and Soonyoung was yelling as usual and there was one part of the dance that was super satisfying bc all the colors of the shirts lined up and it was just really nice to look at.

And then they performed Healing which we had special banners to hold up during. There was one part I remember bc I couldnt see bc everyone was holding their banners above their heads, but Seungcheol jumped onto Mingyus back and koala hugged him for a good minute and a half and Mingyu kept trying to get him off and Seungcheol just smiled like an idiot and latched on. Eventually he got down and then grabbed his water bottle and dumped half of it onto the people in the front(splash zone)

So once that song ended, Toronto Carats had actually prepared something special for Seventeen. So certain seats had a red board on it that you would hold up after Healing ended but only so many seats had them so it made a message in the crowd and I think it was just 2 hearts and ‘1 7′ and the members looked really surprised like Vernon and Minghao were next to each other and were like :O

Seungcheol and Jeonghan looked really shocked too, overall none of them expected it

So then the goodbye ments came and I was ready to die as soon as they started. They all said the similar kind of thing like “we had a good time we’ll come again soon ect…”

But Minghao’s was all in english and it was the cutest damn thing i have ever heard in my life. He started out with “Today I am so happy because of our Toronto Carats energy.”

and then says the cutest shit ever: “We are like friends. We look after each other and love each other” He also kept looking over at Vernon to make sure he was saying it right

and then he said something like “we care for each other” and the fkcigingf df went “and everyone, don’t be sick. Always be happy okay?” IN LIKE THE CUTEST WAY POSSIBLE I WANTED TO SCREAM I MEAN I PROBABLY DID BUT STILL

and then I only remember Chan saying something like “We’ll be back soon, and when we are you have to promise that you’ll come to our show” and then Soonyoung and Seungcheol held out their pinkies for us to promise them and I held my pinky bc I damn promise if they come to Toronto again I will be seeing them for sure. Or I’ll try my best anyways

and they all gave us hearts and said they loved us and did a bow and then all had to leave the stage and I almost cried;;

I remember Soonyoung was the last to leave the stage bc he kept waving and saying goodbye

Also I remember a person sticking their hand out one last time and it was kind funny bc I just see this random hand pop out for like a split second. I didn’t know who it was at the time, but I later found out it was Dokyum :3

So yeah, he’s not my bias, but Soonyoung made my night

Anyways. I’m still having post-concert depression. Honestly I don’t think I’ll ever be able to listen to another seventeen song again without crying. All in all, it was one of the best nights of my life and if it wasn’t for my best friend who bought the tickets and surprised me with them and her mom who drove us up the whole long way. Highlight of my summer.

#i say honestly a lot #god this is long #took me like 3 hours to write and i had to watch fancams to remember stuff #i love seventeen so much you guys honestly u dont udneratand #i cried like 3 times the other day #bc of them #seventeen #diamond edge #toronto #2017 #svt #17 #my post #long post

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briellamy · 7 years

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Six movies i can watch anytime Tagged by @crushed-andpulverised and @allgoodchains - thanks mates!

1. Sherlock Holmes Especially the 2009 one. These movies can even make me smile when im very sad. The chemistry between Downey and Law is exceptional and their portraying of the characters are, if you ask me, just exactly right. As is the scenery, the music and of course the story. Guy Ritchie got everything spot on and i cant wait for the next one.

2. Batman: The dark knight rises I remember seeing this movie with my dad in an old skool cinema in 2012 somewhere in Belguim. I had never seen a batman movie before and i was just blown away. I have seen it, and the other ones, many times after that. They’re just so bloody good?? Also, Christian bale and Tom Hardy are very high on my favourite-actors-of-all-time-list so, yeah 😌

3. Inception If someone asks for my favourite movie, id never answer with inception. Even though its probably one of the few movies i actually could watch anytime. Ive seen it twice in one day once. Theres just really nothing like it, is there?

4. Becoming Jane The only reason i watched this movie is because i was having a big James McAvoy phase and this was the only movie on netflix with him in it i hadnt seen already. Since im not a really big fan of costume dramas, i went in with very low expectations. Well, i still weep about it sometimes. I adore Jane and Tom and the love between them. Its just everything i want in life, you know. I usually don’t watch the ending though, I refuse to acknowledge they existence of that ending lol. And the music!! Dont get me started on that omfsdgh. I could go on and on about why i love this movie.

5. Ratatouille Cant really explain it, just like it a lot. The only animated movie i can really enjoy watching anytime

6. The Prestige Oh hey, its another damn Christopher nolan movie. Big fan apparently 🙃. Anyway, its a bit surrealistic, but it doesnt feel that way. The plot twists are oustanding and for me, unpredictable (obv). Again, Christian Bale, my hero. Good movie 10/10

This has been fun, thanks again for tagging me! 💞

I tag @we-were-kissing-gods @gallifreyan-uprising @panicbellamy @sing-for-muse @supermassive-skulls @aaronsaxon and @problemxtique

#im seriously considering wacthing becoming jane now #but i dont have the time to become an emotional wreck rn ugh

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askdurianrider · 7 years

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It's a shame that you're going to ruin Tori's life. She could have had nice life, recovered from her ED, met a nice vegan boy, found a job she was passionate about. But she's met you and you're going to present her as nothing more then a body and an object, make her feel that her worth is purely based on her aesthetics,push her so hard until she burns out and then when she cracks you'll slander her and bully her into a shell of a person. We've seen it before. But it will be 10X worse with Tori.

I know you are just a troll looking for a bite but I will answer your fake sincerity based statement.

1. How can anyone ruin anyones life by helping them get fit AF, get healthy and get em on track with a career path they enjoy?

2. How can anyone ruin anyones life? Even those landmine victims in Cambodia don’t hold grudges to the person who laid the mine. They get on with their lives and stay productive or end up fucking up their own life by playing the blame game. Whenever we blame someone else for the reason we can’t enjoy life then we give our power over to someone else. I don’t know about you mate but Im in control of my thoughts and emotions. I determine my quality of life, NOBODY else.

3. You say ‘had a nice life’ as if we can predict the future or guarantee we will be alive for the next hour? Any of us could die at any minute mate. If you care about Tori so much then why don’t you put the effort into her that I have? Thats right mr troll, you couldnt give a flying fuck about anyone but yourself. When you pretend to care it is just so you can throw shade at a situation that involves someone you are jealous of.

4. ‘Present her as a body’ etc. What female doesnt put their aesthetic value as their highest priority? What planet do you live on mate? My issue is when people take things to the extreme and start starving themselves, doing drugs or botox etc to look a certain way. That aint healthy. Showing off a fit healthy body is normal and natural in my reality mate. It inspires other women to eat and live healthier.

5. “Push her till she burns out’. NOBODY has ever burned out or ever will if Im coaching them. I don’t even have light bulbs or a sofa at my place. No chairs. You either lay down and rest or you are riding your bike. Every ride I monitor via wattages to ensure no elevated TSS values are sustained. You don’t even have a clue how to get yourself fit mate who what gives you the credentials to critique me?

6. Tori isnt like FL and co. She isnt the slander type. Ive never slandered anyone in my life. Not only is it illegal, it is also against my personal values. I only speak facts my friend.

7. Slander? Toby took me to supreme court last year for me claiming he was on anabolic steroids.(I never even said he was on them, I just laughed about him claiming natty status. I told him via instagram message that I knew he was though and could prove it at trial. (Adelaide gym scene is a small small place). He dropped the case a few hours later and was recently busted with illegal steroids and charged for possession of them. He faces court again in a few weeks.

Slander is the action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a person's reputation. I was just stating the facts and it got blown out way more than it needed too. Now the local media is reminding people that he took me to court about the steroids claim. They are having a field day with it. Its part of gym culture to use anabolic steroids and do them longterm. If you don’t you simply CANT build much muscle and if you are honest about it then people will make fun of you or sponsors will drop you. I understood why Toby lied but many say I was slandering him. I wasnt, I was just stating the obvious and with no malice. Malice is when you single someone out but let others who are doing the same thing get away with it. Ive been calling out fake natties for ever man!

Ive NEVER slandered Freelee. I just spoke the truth.

*She did botox for years when I was with her and lied to my face about it.

*She did chronic ground work with robin whilst we were still together and lied to my face about it. She said they were ‘just online chat buddies!’.

* FL used to kick, knee, scratch and punch me a lot. She always started it and it was mostly when I would reply back to a female viewer about a cycling or health question or if I didnt want to delete someone in my vlog.

*She did say one of the last times I spoke with her that she prayed someone would run me over on my bike and kill me. She said ‘I know Ive said that before and I didnt really mean it but this time I mean it with all my heart that someone runs you over and you die’.

*She blocked me from my own forum and cut my ebook sales from about 10 copies a day to about 1 copy a day. I made 30BaD the most active vegan forum on the planet I posted almost every day for almost 9 years. FL hadnt posted their for the 18 months prior to deleting me.

*FL still owes me $5000 that she promised to pay me over and over.

I could go on and on but its getting boring and my lawyers are onto it. If Ive slandered FL then she should take me to court like Im taking her vs run from Australia to avoid legal action.

What you have done mate is slander me. You are the ultimate hypocrite. The primary motivation to slander someone is you see that person as competition or you are jealous of them. Im not jealous of anyone and for me the word competition means competere which means ‘strive together’. Google it sometime mate.

That is why you slander behind a fake profile mate so nobody can sue you.

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incaseofjeon · 7 years

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hellooo i just finished reading lucky strike and i really like your writing!!! it's the second thing of yours i've read :) for some reason i can relate a lot to JK?? in his decision to run away i mean HAHA really interesting style too especially at the beginning, when i was starting to get into the plot. i look forward to reading your other stuff! :) a few questions though (and i'm sorry if this has been asked) but 1. what was jimin's power?? 2. what are your fav books? yay! thanks!! -c

omgg THANK YOU SO MUCH ;A; im so so so happy that you read that fic and enjoyed it ahhhhdhsfjds ;__; though ohh i wonder what the first of my fics you read was 👀? hahfbds

and im glad you found his character relatable ;;;; when writing it his story was also the one sort of closest to me personally? so im really glad that other people found him relatable too ahhfjddsj so jUST. thank you!!! thank you so much, for reading and for taking the time to tell me this T–T im really happyy

as for your questions! here ill put them under a read-more bc i just know im gonna get rambly omfgdf

ok so, jimin’s power - I’M ACTUALLY SO GLAD YOU ASKED, because it’s a part of the story that almost no one’s asked about even though it’s kind of a big deal for jimin. which is….jimin doesn’t have a power lmaO. almost everyone in that au has superpowers; its the norm to have one, but fic!jimin just..doesn’t. it’s something he’s probably felt odd about growing up; in his growing years he probably tended to feel like he had to work extra hard to be sort of special or noticed and stuff T-T that’s also part of the reason he originally was drawn to jeongguk in school after the dictionary incident - by that age he’d kind of started to guess that he wasn’t going to develop a power, since it’s really rare for it to develop any later than teenage years, and jeongguk was the first person he’d known to not like his own power ;; so to jimin it was kind of eye-opening to realise that the power he’d always been upset about not having could possibly bring harm as well as good ahjsbdsjhd..so yeAH!! im so so glad you asked this omdfd i feel like..im finally doing fic!jimin justice in telling his unwritten story T–T

and MY FAVOURITE BOOKS. omfg there’s so so many im just going to list as many as i can think of off the top of my head:

1. The Raw Shark Texts (by Steven Hall)

this one is one of my all time favourites, and a HUGE huge huge inspiration in writing that’s left an impact on me for a really long time ;; IT’S SO UNDERRATED but it’s super gripping and interesting and experimentally fresh, and has really well-written themes of like love and loss and unfaithful memories and losing memories and a lot of cool internal/mental things like that! the ending is super cool to me, too ;;; the writing style is like nothing ive ever really seen anywhere else and is just super compelling in the way the author selects and arranges certain simple words in un-simple ways? and there are many parts of this book that are ambiguous in what exactly happened; that’s exactly why i love it? idk i jsut - i get super super excited about this book pleasE READ IT

2. The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake (by Aimee Bender)

actually, i have loved about every single thing by aimee bender that i’ve read, but this is the only novel of hers ive read so far so i’ll go with that hjsbdjhsf…her short story collections are super lovely too, some of my favourite short stories by her are Job’s Jobs, Appleless, Death Watch, Motherfucker, I Will Pick Out Your Ribs (from My Teeth), and Faces. Aimee Bender is really one of my favourite authors ever, she has a really distinctive style and flavour thats creative and poetic and charmingly matter-of-fact all at once, that makes the most mundane stuff seem magical and the most magical stuff seem mundane. like. idk. IM REALLY IN LOVE with her writing ;;;;; ahdsbfjhbfds please check her out if you can!!!

3. A Wrinkle in Time & its sequels (by Madeleine L’Engle)

this whole series is just..really lovely in its ideas and hopeful and really gave me a huge sense of wonder the first time i read it? and there are some scenes in it that were just so beautifully magical (even though it’s actually sci-fi) and moving that i’ve never forgotten them to this day ;___; even though i first read it when i was 11 lmaO. but really, this is so soso osos o lovely idk if youve ever read it but i hope you have/get to read it some day abfdf

4. The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo

jhasgfjhs kate dicamillo is another of my all time favourite writers, i grew up hunting library shelves for her name lmao her writing is just..really beautiful in its ideology and style? there’s something very pure and innocent and whimsical and so so poetic about the things she writes and the way she tells stories, i always tend to read her stuff in one sitting bc it’s just so hard to stop ;;; i love her work so so much

5. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

i actually…can’t remember the exact story of this anymore BUT I DO remember that when i read it, i was completely blown away by the power of the writing style? bradbury’s writing is just…really distinctive in a heavier kind of way? like it’s poetic but kind of grips you around the heart idK im not sure how to explain it. i’m always stunned at the way he chooses his words and crafted his world in this book ajhsfbjd i love it sooo much ;;; i want to reread soon sdhfds

6. The Monstrumologist series (by Rick Yancey)

THIS ONE IS SO UNDERRATED i love it omg..it’s more gory and dark than most the things ive mentioned but the gore never feels like..needless? idk. i just love it so much and the kinds of ideas like the blurring of lines between man and monster, as well as the changing relationships of growing up - the book series just handles that so so well and with a really exciting gripping plot too ahdgsd i love it i love iiit. my fav book in the series is probably the lsle of Blood; there’s a line in there about a plate that haunTS ME ALWAYS

7. Skellig and Kit’s Wilderness by David Almond

david almond is another writer i grew up reading ahhHH it’s honestly been too long for me to exactly remember what i loved about these 2 books - BUT I LOVE THEM

8. The Seas by Samantha Hunt

i actually am reading this book literally right now, so i havent reached the ending and im not sure if ill still love it as much as i currently do by that point, but so far i definitely am loving it SO much!! the writing and metaphors and characterisation are so damn beautiful and interesting and the writer has a lovely flow and really fresh way of arranging words and delivering ideas ;; it’s just really prettily and freshly and creatively written ;A; plus, i have this…Thing for the ocean so i love that a central part of this book is about the sea ahhH

9. Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami

I WISH I HAD MORE HARUKI MURAKAMI THINGS TO TALK ABOUT but this is the only of his books ive found so far - and I LOVE IT TO DEATH. i actually read norwegian wood and the particular sadness of lemon cake in the time period when i wrote my latest fic (thought you knew) and they really ;;; damn, a double whammy of inspiration omfg. norwegian wood is just…really really interesting and deep and real without being too heavy-hearted in the way it talks about things like relationships, devotion, alienation and loss? idk, it’s just- i love it so so so much, especially the ending paragraph ahhhh

10. Cathedral and A Small, Good Thing (by Raymond Carver)

THESE ARE TECHNICALLY SHORT STORIES, not books. but i just love them so much i have to mention them ;;; i honestly love raymond carver and his way of writing a lot, he just..he says so much with so little? he’s a huge inspiration i look up to like crazy especially when it comes to crafting dialogue ahhh. i also really love his poem Hummingbird!

11. The Devotion of Suspect X by Keigo Higashino

idek where to start with this one..THE PLOT IS JUST. FUCKING BRILLIANT and it’s a really interesting take on the idea of devotion, especially devotion to..um..unhealthy kinds of levels? idk. it’s just….so well thought through and super cool i was Mind Blown™ when i read it kasjndskdf

12. Bunker 10 by J.A. Henderson

this is another one in team BLEW MY FUCKIGN MIND ahhh ;; i read it super super long ago but the plot is so so good? it’s the kind that’s a bit confusing at first, but then everything gets revealed and i’m completely shook and eye-opened and want to read it again with the new knowledge, you know what i mean? just- i cant remember what the writing style was like but the PLOT and setting was soo so so cool T—T

and that’s…all i can think of at the moment ajhbfjsdhf IM SORRY YOU PROBABLY DIDNT EXPECT ME TO BE SO EXTRA AS TO GIVE SUCH A LONG ASS REPLY but im just…..very very very passionate and invested in the books i love, ok. im so. akjsfbjhdsf

anyway yeah!! thank you so soso soso SO much for reading my writing and liking it and making the effort to let me know ;;;; im really so happy reading and replying to your message, it means so much to me T-T i hope you have a great great day ilY anon c!!!

#i will tag this as #anon c #anon angels #happy camper #fic asks #lucky strike asks #case logs #books

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