#ive been watching with my friends who know nothing of the campaign | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rott3nc0re · 2 years

Text

The Artist and The Freak

eddie munson x black!artist!sinclair!reader

i. Sketches & Blushes (18+)

summary: Cleo Sinclair was the best person to go to for drawings. The best student in all her classes and one of the popular kids. Yet she finds herself interested in one individual, Eddie “the freak” Munson.

warnings: nothing yet but will contain sexual themes in future chapters, a few swear words, eddie being a flirt but also a little shy

other chapters: i | ii | iii | iv | v | vi | vii | viii | ix | x

ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ღ

Just today was the last day before spring break has got her excited. She planned on making new sketches and hanging out with her best friends Steve Harrington and Robin Buckley, which she was sitting next to at lunch.

“Please tell me you’re not sketching him again”Robin rolled her eyes as she peered over to see what Cleo was drawing.

She’s been working on this sketch for a few days now, since last friday. Something about him drew her to him, he was… different to say the least. She saw that he was confident, ready to speak his mind.

“What? Do you want me to draw you again?” A little grin on Cleo’s face.

Robin scoffed, “you’ve been so focused on finishing this sketch, just take a break, C” she continued. She was right, Cleo had been working on this sketch nonstop, 24/7. “Alright, alright. Just for you” she gave in, placing her notebook inside her sketchbook. “Thank you, now, what are you, me and Steve doing tonight?” she asked excitedly, her eyes lighting up. Cleo was about to answer when she saw someone get up on the cafeteria table in the corner of her eye.

“Where they toss balls into laundry baskets!” she heard him shout towards the basketball team and cheerleaders, disrupting them and pissing off the captain of the team, Jason Carver. “You what something freak?” Jason retaliated back, only giving Eddie Munson more confidence. Eddie threw up devil horns and stuck his tongue out, earning a giggle from Cleo and other people in the cafeteria. Jason scoffed and Eddie placed his hands down with a smirk. He looked over to Cleo’s table for a second, looking at her giggling at what he did. She saw him look at her, her stomach getting butterflies. Who knew he had that effect on her?

“Okay… I see why you’re sketching him now” Robin teased a little. “Shut up!” Cleo said as she playfully hit her friend and smiled.

ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗

After school, Cleo went out into her usual spot to sketch and relax in the woods. She told Robin she would meet her and Steve later at her house for movie night. There was a picnic table sitting in the middle of the woods and that’s where Cleo always was after school. She had her headphones on, listening to her mixtape on her Walkman and just sketching anything she sees. Little did she know that someone was walking up to her and before he could say anything, she scared herself as she looked up.

“Woah, woah, hey there. Didn’t mean to scare you” Eddie said in a friendly tone as Cleo was trying to catch your breath. “You okay?” she didn’t see it but he looked up and down at her slightly with the most gentle voice. “Yeah, yeah it’s just that you scared me half to death” she giggled as she paused her music and placed her headphones down to her shoulders.

“Can I sit with you?” he asked with kind eyes. “Yeah of course” she said softly, giving him a kind smile. “What are you doing here anyway?” she asked him as she watched him sit down. He was taking off his jean vest and leather jacket combination, showing off his cool Hellfire Club shirt. She couldn’t remain eye contact with him. He’s just too pretty and that only gave her butterflies.

“Just wanted to deal before my campaign tonight. Wait-“ he stopped, making her confused. “How do you know about this spot? I mean no one comes out here but me and the people I deal to” he asked her, a little grin to his face. “I just wandered into this place back in sophomore year, it’s been my relaxing spot for years now. But if you want this spot, you can have it” she teased at the end, making Eddie chuckle. “No it’s okay, I kinda don’t wanna stop running into you” he flirted, making her blush as she finally made eye contact with him. “Plus, I can find somewhere else so, it’s cool” he shrugged, a little playful smile appearing on his face.

“By the way, I’m a huuuggeee fan of your sketches and drawings” he added, looking down at her sketch that she made. “Really? You’ve seen them?” she was ecstatic on the inside but she showed him how happy she was on the outside. “Yeah! I’ve just been kinda scared to tell you” he admitted, her eyes smiling. “Really?” she asked him, still holding that kind demeanor. “Yeah, it’s been that way since middle school” he said, making Cleo raise an eyebrow. “Middle school?” she was confused about that, her head tilting like a confused puppy. He gasped, a fake gasp, as she said that.

He playfully stabbed himself in the heart, dramatically falling to the ground to catch her by surprise. “I wouldn’t remember me either, Cleo!” he said as he lifted himself off of the ground. She started giggling, watching the school freak act out dramatically in front of her. “Honestly. Do I stuff in my hair?” he grinned while taking the leaves out of his hair, making her giggle. He softly chuckled at her. “I’m sorry!” she giggled. “Seriously, you don’t remember me?” his arms were crossed, stepping a little bit towards her, a smile coming from his face.

She shook her head no.

But she tried to remember but she didn’t wanna back to that time.

“It was like, this art show you were doing in this section of the gym, which was pretty cool actually,” he said, keeping Cleo’s smile intact.

“And while you did that, I was with my band-“

“Corroded Coffin!” Cleo excitedly said to him. “Corro— Yes! You do remember!” he said excitedly as well, smiling at her. “Yeah oh my god, of course I remember! You guys were really good! I loved your cover of Immigrant Song” she said, her eyes lighting up at the memory. She did really like what they played back then, just song covers she enjoyed. “Ah so you like Zeppelin huh?“ he teased her with a smug grin on his face. “Of course! I listen to some rock and heavy metal in my spare time” she returned the same energy with a little flirtation. “But ugh! How could I forget with a name like that?” she said with a smile, looking up at him. “I dunno, you’re a freak” he teased her, blushing from that comment.

“But you looked so different” she said, titling her hand. “Well yeah my hair was buzzed and I didn’t have these sweet ol’ tatties yet” he pulled down his shirt a little bit, showing a little bit of his tattoo on his chest and on his arms. She was a bit curious to know what other tattoos he has hidden. “And you played guitar, right?” she asked him. “Still do, still do” he answered, looking over at her with a tiny grin. “You should come see us, we play at The Hideout on Tuesdays” he suggested, her smile coming back. “It’s pretty cool.. we actually get a crowd of about five.. drunks” he joked, Cleo softly chuckled. “Might have to take your word on that. Maybe you’ll have six people, sadly not drunk” she teased, making Eddie laugh and causing her to laugh as well.

“You know… you’re not what I thought you’d be” she added, still blushing. “Mean and scary?” teasing her as he was covering half of his face with his hair. “Yeah” she giggled, watching him. “I thought you’d be mean and scary too” he confessed, walking over back to sit with her. “Me? Mean and scary?” she asked with a raised eyebrow, making him chuckle. “Yeah, I mean you’re very popular at school. Thought you’d be like most popular girls” he said. “No, in all actuality I hate being popular. Everyone wants me to sit with them or draw them something. Even the jocks and basketball players ask me out and they’re just obnoxious” she rolled her eyes at the end. “But you’re not so bad” she continued, teasing him a bit. “Yeah? Am I doing a good job?” he playfully said, making Cleo laugh. He laughed at her, but took a second to admire her.

The sun was setting and you needed to head home and prepare for the championship game. “Shit, it’s getting late” Cleo closed her sketchbook and put it away in her bag. “What’s got you in a rush?” he teased her. She giggled, “I gotta get ready for the championship game tonight. I wanna support my brother you know?” she said to him. “Yeah but also I don’t get it, i’m an only child” he playfully smiled. “Oh and I wanted to ask you if you wanted to sub in for your brother for Hellfire” he said. “I’m sorry, but i’d love to one day” she smiled while getting up.

“It was really nice talking to you, Eddie” she said smiling, making him smile as well. “You as well, m’lady” he bowed while sitting, making her giggle. As she was walking away, he got up, jogging towards her. “Hey wait up!” she heard him call after her. She turned around to find Eddie walking towards her. “W-Would you wanna go out with me sometime this weekend?” he asked as his arms were folded together. A million things went through her mind, the guy she has been sketching is asking her out. How could she say no to that?

“Yeah! I’d love to!” happily accepting his question, making him smile wider.

“Great, uh how about Saturday at six? Is that good for you?”

His arms behind his back and swinging from side to side a little. He was slightly nervous and she thought about how cute that was. “You know tomorrow is Saturday, right?” she teased him. “Yeah of course, I totally knew that” he shrugged, Cleo giggled at the adorable freak. “Yeah, that’s perfect” she continued, smiling at him and gaining butterflies in her stomach.

“Great, then i’ll see you Satu- tomorrow… i’ll see you tomorrow”

“Tomorrow it is” catching her bottom lip in between her teeth as she started walking away. Now she wished that tomorrow could come faster so she can see him again.

ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗

“Alright we have Halloween, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Breakfast Club- wait who put that in the pile?” Robin and Cleo snickered as they watched Steve looked through the pile of movies you had. “Oh no..” Steve sighed, looking over at Cleo.

“What?”

“Why is Grease in the pile?”

“Maybe because I wanted us to watch it?”

“But we all agreed on horror night, did we not?”

“Robin-“ Steve and Cleo in unison turned to look at their friend who was just mindlessly eating a snack. “Look, I don’t fully remember what we agreed on but, i’m okay with watching Grease for the millionth time” Steve sighed as Cleo squealed, hugging her best friend. “Alright but just for tonight when we get back from the game” Cleo squealed again, Steve letting out a breathy chuckle.

Steve drove them all to the game, blasting music and singing their hearts out. Robin sat in the passenger seat in her marching band uniform and Cleo was in the back seat, wearing her green Hawkins Tigers mascot sweatshirt and a black skirt.

As Steve pulled into the parking lot, the school sprit was live. Seeing parents and other students in their school colors was exciting to see. He found a parking spot and turned down the volume of the music. “Alright, you ladies have everything?” he asked the both of them. “I’m assuming so, Harrington” Cleo gave a snarky comment, making Robin snort into laughter. “Haha very fun, Leo” he rolled his eyes as he unlocked the car doors.

The three of you walked inside, walking to the gym. “Hey I gotta use the bathroom really quick” Cleo told her friends only for them to nod and continue walking.

She walked to the bathroom but before she walked in, she heard someone humming down the hall. She walked down to see what it was as she turned the corner, only for her face to light up with a smile. “Just couldn’t wait till tomorrow to see me, Munson?” she teased, leaning against the wall. “Well yeah I had to see you again somehow” he flirted back, a teasing grin on his face. His eyes looked up at her again like earlier, but actually admiring how beautiful she was. “Shouldn’t you be at the game?” he crossed his arms, looking down at her. “Shouldn’t you be at your campaign?” she raised an eyebrow, trying not to smile. “I’m waiting for our sub, so I decided to step out the room for a bit” he explained. “Well I just stopped to use the bathroom before I head to the gym” she broke into a chuckle, making him smile.

“Well go on, I don’t wanna keep you here any longer. But you are mine for tomorrow night, Sinclair”

His for a tomorrow night? Oh Cleo was absolutely exploding with thoughts when he said that. She couldn’t wait to be actually his and not just for tomorrow night.

“Y-Yeah, i’ll see you tomorrow night” now she was stuttering in front of him, which he found really cute. She turned around, facing away from him. But before she could actually get away from him, she heard him speak. “You look really good by the way” said with confidence, knowing that he had a little grin on his face. She turned around, smiling at him. “You don’t look too bad yourself, Munson” she said before she walked back down towards the bathroom, not realizing that he was watching her walk away.

ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗

“Don’t tell me what I think you were doing in the bathroom, Leo” Steve teased her as she were passing through people in the bleachers. “Shut up Harrington” she playfully hit his chest, earning a chuckle from Steve. The two of them calmed down as a woman made it to the front of the “stage”. “Look” Cleo bumped her best friend’s shoulder, gaining his attention. He looked over to see what she was looking at. “Look at the way she’s looking at her” she whispered, smiling at her other best friend. Cleo was very supportive of Robin and her sexuality, with Steve also accepting her. A special guest came to sing the national anthem… which didn’t sound good. The three friends exchanged glances at each other, trying not to burst out into laughter.

“God, she sounds so terrible” Cleo whispered to Steve, making him quietly chuckle.

“Now that I can agree on”

Before they knew it, the game started. Cleo watched her team, cheering for them and being super engaged.

By the second half of the game, Lucas finally joined in. The Tigers were behind on points, with the other team a little ahead of them. Cleo watched intensely at her brother, shouting his name for confidence.

“He’s got this, Leo. Don’t worry” Steve saw how she was, super nervous about her team losing. But it was more about her brother wanting that dream of fitting in, winning that championship game. And it was time that Lucas shot a three pointer, the ball moving in slow motion to her. But by luck and shouting, they won. She couldn’t be more happier for her little brother. Cleo hugged onto Steve tightly as they cheered together, along with Robin as they all looked at each other.

As the trio walked out of the school with the other people, Cleo spotted Lucas. She jogged over to him and hugged him tightly, smothering him. “Alright! Enough, Leo!” Lucas playfully whined but of course he hugged back. “I’m just proud of you” she smiled at him, causing him to smile back. Steve and Robin caught up to them, congratulating their friend.

“Well go out and celebrate, i’ll see you tomorrow?” she knew the boys wanted Lucas to go with them somewhere to party and drink. “Yeah, i’ll see you tomorrow” he replied back before slowly walking backwards to one of his teammates. The three of them waved goodbye as he did and continued to walk to Steve’s car.

ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗ ღ ✗

The three of them got back to the Sinclair house to start their movie night. Cleo made the popcorn as Steve set up the movie. Robin was changing out of her marching band clothes into regular clothes.

“Hey” Steve approached his best friend, earning a smile from him. “What’s up, Harrington?“ she was cleaning up the counter while giving him a little smile. “Nothing it’s just that.. Robin told me you’ve been sketching someone” he leaned against the counter, crossing his arms as he grinned at her.

“Damnit Robin, alright yeah i’ve been sketching someone. So what?”

“Whenever you sketch someone, it means you have a crush on them”

“W-What? No-“

“Oh come on! Fifth grade with Dave Johnson. You had a serious crush on this guy!”

“No I didn’t!”

“Yeah you did, you came to me and just went on and on about him. You even showed me your sketch of him”

She rolled her eyes, actually got annoyed when he was telling the truth. “You know you can tell me” and she can, but she’s scared of how she’ll react that it’s-

“Eddie Munson”

“Eddie Munson? As in Eddie “The Freak” Munson?”

She nodded slowly, looking down at the floor. Robin came in, seeing you two.

“Was this a bad time or-“

“She has a serious crush on Eddie “The Freak” Munson!” Steve pointed at Cleo, Robin gasping. “Oh my god is that why you’ve been drawing him?!” She said excitedly, making Cleo playfully groan. “Okay, yes! I do I have a serious crush on him. It’s so serious that I may have a date with him tomorrow night…” she held he arms behind your back as he swung from side to side, looking down at the floor again.

“Woah-“

“Wait what- when did he ask you?” Steve asked her. “Today when I was at my usual spot after school” the microwave had gone off, singling that the popcorn was done. “Holy shit Leo!” Robin squealed in excitement for her. Cleo turned back around to see Steve’s face, making her sigh. “Steve come on! I know you’re very protective over me when it comes to guys but,” she said while opening the bag of popcorn and getting a bowl. “This one’s different. He’s so sweet, he’s not what you’d expect” she poured out the popcorn while looking at Steve. “You gotta trust her on this one Steve” Robin interject, making Steve look at her. He sighed and dropped his arms, looking at Cleo.

“If he hurts you-“

Before he could finish, Cleo squealed and ran into his arms, hugging him.

“He won’t hurt me, I promise” she reassured him as she pulled away from him.

“But if he does-“

“I’ll come to you”

Steve gave her a small smile, pulling her back into a hug.

Steve and Cleo had been best friends since elementary. Of course back then she was making drawings, but poorly made ones. She got teased about it, plus about the color of her skin. Being bullied left and right was hell for her, making her cry every night to her parents. But when Steve entered the picture? It was amazing. He stood up for her, telling bullies to back off. And he was so sweet and gentle with her. Steve being Steve of course teased her about her drawings but in a playful funny way. He was basically an older brother to her, the best older brother she could ask for. They were there for each other through their worst and best moments, when relationships fell apart, when relationships started, when Steve was being an asshole to Jonathan (which she constantly wanted to beat him up for) and when he became the best babysitters for amazing kids. Just through all of it, they were both their for each other.

When Robin entered the picture, it became even better. They briefly talked one time in freshman year of science class but never like this. Working at Scoops Ahoy made everything better, even if that meant introducing her to the craziness in Hawkins. And since then, the three of them became super close, having each other’s back through everything.

“Are you guys gonna keep hugging without me?” Robin teased, making the other two laugh. Cleo held out her arm, allowing her friend to join in. “You know i’m really protective over you guys right?” Steve said in the hug, making the girls groan and sigh. “You just had to ruin it huh, Harrington?” Cleo playfully rolled her eyes as she took the popcorn and left the kitchen. “Honestly” Robin scoffed, leaving the kitchen as well. Steve watched both of them leaving, his jaw slightly opened.

“W-Well are you guys gonna answer the question?”

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x black!reader #eddie munson #steve harrington #robin buckley

102 notes · View notes

courfeyracs-swordcane · 10 months

Note

I JUST SAW UR REBLOG RESPONSE THING. I NEED TO ASK WHO IS HORATIO SLEEPAWAY IM REALLY CURIOUS NOW .

OH BOY GAMEY YOUVE ACTIVATED MY TRAP CARD IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS GUY SO HARD ALL WEEK

(before and after getting dumped + watching his friend drown + becoming a single father)

he’s so wildly dog coded. he’s the ghost of a rabbit. he’s the single father of two teenagers age 22. he got dumped when he was 19 and never got over it. he’s an autistic freak. he can’t drive. he got skinned alive and we just kind of forgot about it. I made a music video and a teaser trailer for it about him.

Music video is at the bottom bc it makes more sense w the lore but here’s the trailer!

(lore under the readmore bc I can talk forever about this guy)

He’s one of a couple of prequel characters to the sleepaway campaign my friends and I never actually wound up playing last year!

He’s lived at the camp since he was 18 and ran away from home on his birthday to work there, he’s got a cabin just off the grounds and odd jobs he splits with the other off-season caretaker Laertes, who’s another former camper in a similar situation but with his younger sibling Chandra to take care of and put through boarding school. They’re besties. Laertes my beloved. He sees death omens. (@wildfandom open invitation to come talk about your boy)

Unfortunately, the next summer, a (the) Hitchhiker comes into camp, and he fell for him Fast And Hard because he’s nothing if not gay and stupid. Hitchhiker is obviously INCREDIBLY sus, but he asks Horatio to run away with him at the end of the summer and. ofc. he agrees. So when the day comes he packs up all his effects and goes to wait at the spot on the highway where the Hitchhiker had said he was gonna pick him up. And he waits. And he waits. And he waits. And he waits. And the Hitchhiker never shows.

So he just kind of never gets over that and is so fucked up about it that he doesn’t really leave the camp at all for the rest of his life 😬😬😬

Anyway from there the supernatural bull shitt situation at camp just keeps getting worse— eventually culminating in an eclipse and a storm, when Laertes rushes out to bring back one of the campers who’d wandered off into the woods, manages to deposit him in his and Chandra’s cabin, and when he goes back out in search of any other campers, he’s surrounded by the wolves of the woods— they with too many eyes and shadows too long— and eventually goes to take refuge the only place they can’t follow him, dragging a rowboat down the beach into the lake and paddling out as far as he can against the waves. (There’s a couple other things going on but that’s playbook details mostly)

And while all this is happening, Horatio does a headcount of all the campers still inside, and it’s one short. Chandra is unaccounted for, and Laertes is still outside. So ofc he goes out to look for them, and finds Chandra at the edge of a clearing overlooking the lake just in time for him to hold them back from jumping in after as they both watch Laertes’s rowboat capsize and him fall beneath the waves. And the storm clears.

And after that Horatio takes over looking after Chandra, he sets up the loft for them and they move into his cabin. They trawl the lake, but they don’t find Laertes.

They make it work. He teaches them how to ride a horse 😌

Eventually Chandra finds the kid Laertes had gone out to bring back just kind of wandering in the woods again so they bring him home and then Horatio has two kids!! :)

And then after that the supernatural shit starts to get worse again and Horatio knows the Lindworm is gonna make its move, so he starts getting ready. He teaches Chandra to shoot. He gives Wallace his hunting knife. He sits up every night standing guard on the porch with his rifle across his knees and when the time comes he looks the Lindworm head on, looks back at Chandra one last time, hopes they know he’s proud of them and he’s sorry to leave them alone again, and he raises his [ambigous weapon it depends on the mood you’re in— it’s a sword in the music video, iirc it’s a spiked bat in canon, it’s whatever you want it to be] and he charges directly into the setting sun, into the Lindworm’s mouth to take it down from the inside. And as the last high noon sounded, mordred rode his rotten world into the sun etc etc etc

You can’t permanently kill the Lindworm, obviously, but he does enough damage to hold it off for the next ¿10?ish years until our actual campaign timeline, in which Horatio appears as one of the paper thin hares, which is basically the ghost of a rabbit that functions as an occasional guide for our pcs. Also the Lindworm, notable Stranger TMA Ass Bitch, has his skin and very probably would bring that out to puppet around but we never actually played the game so technically that didn’t happen.

Anyway. Here’s the music video.

Also there’s a post-canon au where after Laertes comes out of the lake he winds up hitching his boat up to the hitchhiker’s motorcycle and they have a Weird Gay Road-trip about it and Hareatio judges them so hard but like. Glass houses.

#horatio sleepaway #my beloved #he’s so fucked up #sorry this is. almost a thousand words.

7 notes · View notes

makeupbychio · 2 years

Text

angel // eddie munson x reader

This is my Eddie fix-it fic!! So let's pretend that nothing bad happened to him.

Summary: Eddie is fighting for his life after the demobats attack. Lucky for him, he found an angel.

Warnings: st vol.2 spoilers, angst, mentions of blood and injuries, hospital, state of coma and IV, fluff, mentions of smut(?), happy ending of course. Italics are memories.

Words: 3.9k.

A/N: This is how I'm coping with the sadness that the finale gave me, so I wrote this Eddie x gn!reader. If there is any mistake, let me know bc english is not my first language. Enjoy! xo

*credits to the gif's owner*

_ _

Your new routine was exhausting. During the morning you have college classes, during the afternoon you have to work and during nights you go to the hospital to stay next to Eddie. And the next day, the same routine.

Except on the weekends, during mornings you go to work, during the afternoons you go to the hospital to visit Eddie and at nights you try to study or to keep doing your ‘normal’ life.

The last month and a half it’s been like this every single day since you all fighted Vecna. Eddie and Max are in the hospital due to their different injuries, so a lot of nights you run into some of your friends visiting them too, Max’s mom and Eddie’s uncle, Wayne Munson.

Wayne is having the same routine as you. Considering that, during weekdays he works at nights, you both agreed that you stay with Eddie at nights and he relieves you and stays with him during the day. And the opposite during weekends because he has the day shift on Saturdays and Sundays free.

“Don’t worry, I got him. You need to rest and duties too, kid” Wayne always tells you, wondering when was the last time you slept more than 2 hours or ate more than one meal during the day. He reassures you that if something happens, he will call you immediately.

You are tired, and surprised at how your body hasn't collapsed yet. The only moment during your day you take a break is when you visit Eddie. A break physically because your mind barely stops since all of the chaos you all went through, always worry about your boyfriend’s condition.

You already know the whole team that was taking such great care of Eddie. Despite their own issues, they always receive you with affection and let you stay as long as you want.

“Woah, I guess it is that time of the week” María, the doctor in charge, told you when she saw the new flowers you brought Eddie. Every week you bring him a bouquet to light up the room, that is full of other things the rest of the group brought him.

Will and Dustin are the ones who came by more often. Sometimes they set up a small D&D campaign to play next to Eddie’s bed, hoping their friend could be listening to them and making his own moves in the game.

Sadly, Eddie fell into a coma after he fought the bats in the Upside Down due to the poison these creatures had when they bite him. Also a lot of broken bones and wounds all over his body. You really hope he is listening to every word you have told him, you really want to see his pretty eyes. You really miss him, hearing his laugh and dirty jokes.

God, why did he do that back there against a huge amount of bats? You are angry at him but you well know the reason why.

– –

“EDDIE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Dustin cried when Eddie cut the rope. “STEVE SAID TO STICK TO THE PLAN!”.

“EDDIE GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!” you screamed. “Eddie, please” tears of desperation falling.

“I’m buying time” he said before he left his trailer. He was protecting you and Dustin, because the bats were going to infiltrate where you were.

“Goddammit!” you yelled when you put a chair to jump and go through the portal once again. You almost broke your nose at the abrupt landing. Quickly you helped Dustin to have a better landing than yours.

Once you went outside you saw your boyfriend fighting the bats. You and Dustin took the bikes and pedaled as fast as you can to reach Eddie. Suddenly, you watched how the pile of bats gathered to take down Eddie.

“Eddie!” you couldn’t feel your legs at this point, but the adrenaline kept you going.

You didn’t know how, but the next second all of the bats fell into the ground like if something or someone turned them off with an interrupter. You saw Eddie’s body laying on the ground and you felt like throwing up.

Once you reached him, you threw the bike and ran to him. You saw his legs broken and his face covered in blood and scratches. His clothes were ripped from the attack.

“No, no, no, no. Eddie” you said once you were at his level. Softly trying to lift his body.

“No, y/n. I need a second” Eddie groaned at the pain he felt all over his body.

“DUSTIN! HELP ME” you yelled at the boy. He ran and screamed for help while thinking of an idea that could work.

“I didn’t run away this time, right?” Eddie smiled at you, tears falling down his face.

“No, no you didn’t” you answered him caressing his hair. “You are a hero, Eddie” you tried to give him your best smile even when you were losing your mind.

“I’m finally the hero” he proudly said looking at you.

“Finally? You have always been mine” you hold him tight, keeping him awake. “Eddie, stay with me. Dustin went for help” you begged him when his breath slowed down.

“Y/N! EDDIE!” you heard the rest of the group yelling as they approached you in an Upside Down’s car.

“I love you, y/n” Eddie looked at you. Lifting his hand to reach your hair and put it behind your ear. “I have loved you since the moment I met you that night outside the venue before my concert” even when he was in pain he gave you his biggest smile, not giving any sign of discomfort. “Take this as a promise” he said handing over to you his necklace with his appreciative plectrum.

“I love you, too” you smiled back at him, taking the necklace when Steve pulled you away and lifted Eddie’s body carefully but with a rush.

“Come on, man. We are almost there, Dustin already called an ambulance in our Hawkins” Steve told him once he put him down in the back seat of the car. He drove so fast back to Eddie’s trailer.

“CAREFUL, PLEASE!” you yelled at your friends that were going to receive Eddie in your reality. Eddie passed out in Steve’s arms when they went through the portal back in his real trailer due to the rough movement. You literally jumped through the portal and ran into Eddie to once again hold him tight.

You can hear the sirens closer, but you were afraid that he was already gone. “Eddie, hold on. The ambulance is here” you cried, tears falling in his ripped jacket. You saw the emergency lights outside his trailer and your vision went blurry when the paramedics got down to your level.

They took Eddie away from you to put him in a stretcher. You heard their voices if they were towns away. “He is still breathing but we are losing him” the paramedics talked to each other before they left the trailer. Robin held you when your face went pale.

“y/n?” your vision clouded as you passed out. The last thing you heard was Dustin’s cries.

– –

You visit Eddie, every single night/day. No matter the weather, if you have a headache or a tough exam. No matter what, you were there.

The nurses of the night shift lend you a more comfortable chair, a reclining chair to be exact. So you can have some sleep next to Eddie, instead of the harsh one that is in every other room. You feel like a burden sometimes to them but they gave up on sleeping during their shifts because it's always the busiest.

“Today he’s been really talkative,” María said when she entered the room. She checked on his vital signs and wrote down everything on his medical report.

“I bet he’s dreaming of him playing the coolest song he has ever heard, doctor” you said to her with a smile looking at his face that has a calm expression.

“Can’t wait to hear it” María said, always cheering him up. “I’m going to let you guys catch up. If you need me-”.

“I know, I call Claire” you already know what to do in any emergency. María left the room.

You sit down in the comfy chair, get close to Eddie’s bed to catch his hand. You kiss every knuckle, you always hold his hand when you talk to him. “Hi, my love. Someone told me you have been really reactive lately, that’s good, baby” you say. Every reaction from him is a progress to you and you have seen it in person, sometimes his muscle memory makes his limbs move, or his facial moves and little sounds depending on what he is dreaming.

Everyone has faith in him, you know there are days that are the hardest but you never project that fear when you are with Eddie. You wait till you go home to break down.

If it wasn’t for your friends, you will be lost. Sometimes, you don’t want to burden them and talk about how overwhelmed you feel because you feel selfish. You think “Eddie needs me, and he is the one that is real suffering”. But they always remind you that what you are going through is valid. All of you fought against Henry and are now coping with that trauma and consequences.

“Today the boys went to see me at work, they are making a surprise for you.. Also in the lab I studied a lot for I got an A” you said looking at your hands together, imagining what Eddie’s reaction would be. Always proud of you.

“Also, I was checking my calendar today to be organized for all of the exams, and I noticed that our anniversary it’s in two weeks. I hope our plan is still on” you let a tear slip when the memories hit you.

– –

“So if we save enough we can go to New York and rent a room for us, for a week.” Eddie was pacing around your room spilling out all of the plans that kept him awake last night. So excited, that if it was for him he would be already there with you.

You love his plan. You love that he shows so much passion when he really likes something. D&D, music, Hellfire Club, his band, you. In past relationships you heard a lot of ‘whatever’, that lack of interest is what you never wanted to experience again. And the universe got your back this time, because Eddie will never show you disinterest.

Eddie sat on the edge of your bed while he was writing down on a paper all of the ideas you gave him to do on your trip. “But baby, we need to be realistic that maybe we are not going to leave the room for three days straight, at least” Eddie teased you with a sinful smirk.

“Eddie! Come on!” you threw him a pillow. This boy, you can’t believe him sometimes. But, you don’t blame him because you were thinking the same thing. It’s just that he says it out loud. “Fewer words and more action!” you teased him back.

“Oh no, you didn’t” Eddie started to tickle your legs. “Take that back!” he said while getting closer to where you were laying down, to be on top of you. His hands next to your sides and he leaned down to kiss your neck.

“Your hair tickles, Eddie!” you laughed your ass off because his hair is all over your face and neck.

– –

You fell asleep on your chair, your hand always on Eddie’s, lights off so you can rest better. Claire, always came by to wake you up so you can go home to get ready for college really quickly.

She always knocks at 6 am. But today when she did it you looked at Eddie’s watch that is on the nightstand, it is 5 am. You yawned and stretched your arms before you stood up. “What’s wrong? It’s 5 am” you asked thinking that maybe something is wrong.

“Don’t worry, darling. Eddie has a lot of things to do today” she informed you. “So, today we are taking him away from you an hour early”. She knows how you crave that extra hour of sleep and to be next to Eddie. “So you lovebirds say goodbye” she prepared the room for the doctor that is coming to check on Eddie.

You gave Eddie a kiss on his forehead. “I love you, see you later, my love”, then turned your attention to the nurse standing on the other side of the bed “tell Wayne to call me if he needs me”.

– –

One week later

Today you barely stop in college, the only moment you take a break is to drink water in the hallways while you move to your next class, and hours later for lunch. You couldn’t stop thinking about Eddie, your legs bouncing so hard against the floor. The exam in front of you is long gone when you are zoned out.

Thankfully, in this class you don’t need a high grade to pass. With a C it’s enough. You can’t wait to be next to Eddie again, anxious to know anything that Claire can tell you.

At work you try to keep your mind busy since the customers are not entering the store. You work at a bookstore. Your mind is too tired to read a book, so you decided to order all of the bookshelves in every aisle.

The front door’s bell lets you know that someone is there. You get close to greet the customer since it’s an older woman. “Hi! I’m y/n. How can I help you?” you said, always finding enough energy to do your best at work.

“Oh darling, I need your help” the tiny lady told you. Her voice is so sweet. “It’s my granddaughter’s birthday this weekend and I’m looking for her present”.

After you told her not to worry because you will help her, you asked her if she can give you more info about the birthday girl and after a long search you both agreed that ‘Penny the detective porcupine’ is the best choice.

The old lady is paying you for the book, you are gift-wrapping it when you notice she is looking at you. “You don’t like the design?” pointing to the wrapping.

“It’s perfect! Sorry, I was looking at your beautiful necklace.” she said pointing at Eddie’s plectrum.

“Oh thank you! Yeah, it’s beautiful, right? It belongs to my favorite person, actually” you looked at the necklace with a wide smile.

“I recognize that smile, the same I have since I met my Tom. This person is really lucky” her words comfort you for some reason. She can’t thank you enough for your helpful attention before she left the store.

You spend the rest of the last hour of your shift holding your necklace and once again looking at the abyss. When you look at the clock in the wall you quickly close the store and finally drive your way to the hospital.

When you arrived, you didn’t find Claire behind her desk to greet you. There is another lady. “Hi, does Claire or María have her night off?” you asked the nurse you’ve never seen before.

“Hi, they are in an emergency on the 8th floor. Do you want to leave a message?” the lady asked softly. You didn’t want to be disrespectful but that is the floor where Eddie is.

You left the lady talking alone and started to run to take the elevator. “Shit! Come on” you said pressing the button multiple times as if it were going to make any difference. You thought about taking the stairs when the elevator arrived.

The calming elevator music did not work for your nerves. You stepped out in the tiny space enough for your body to jump into the hallway.

You started to feel dizzy when you spotted Claire running back to Eddie’s room, you followed her in what feels like an eternity, you started to move in slow motion. Afraid of what you are going to find behind the door.

You took the handle to open the door carefully. You freeze at what is happening in front of you. Those big lovely eyes staring at you, like if they were waiting for you his whole life.

“Eddie” suddenly your voice is barely audible. You pinched your arm like Eddie did the first time you kissed him. You are not a religious person, but you pray for this not to be a fucking joke.

“Hi, angel” he said with a raspy voice due to all of this time being quiet and the biggest smile as always. God, you missed that smile.

His body is in a sitting position, his hand with the IV tubes resting on his lap.

You were afraid for any of your next moves. Scared this is just a dream. “He’s been waiting for you since this sleepyhead woke up” Claire told you to reassure you that you can get close.

Your glossy eyes holding your happy tears when Eddie opened his arms to you.

“Oh my god, Eddie. Thank God” you said, hugging him delicately, worry about hurting him if you squeeze him a little bit too hard. He kissed your head that was in the way.

You broke the hug just to look at him closer. You placed your hands on his cheeks to take a look at the face you missed so much. He laughed at your surprised face. “I miss you, y/n” he said with a teary eye too.

“Me too, Eddie” you wiped his tears, your noses brushing together. “Can I kiss you?” you asked him.

“Please do it but I’m not responsible for my hospital breathing” he joked even when he just spent almost two months in a coma his humor still untouchable. You couldn’t care less for that. You gave him the long awaited kiss on his lips, then all over his face and his giggles filled the room.

“Don’t you ever think to do something like that again, Munson. Do you hear me?” you advertised him with a serious tone. You didn’t want to lecture him but he deep down knows that all of his loved ones are going to tell him the same thing.

“We’d been calling you for the past 15 minutes since he woke up” Claire told you. You excuse yourself because you were driving your way here. “He was impatient for the angel that saved him, he said”.

You looked back at Eddie confused about what she was talking about. “Yeah, I heard everything you told me. I felt your hand on mine every night you slept next to me, I know you came by EVERY single night and afternoons since I passed out. I heard your angelic voice, YOU saved me back there in the fight and during these months, too” he said holding your hands, his grown stubble tickling your knuckles when he kissed them.

You couldn’t hold it anymore. You broke in tears because all of this time he was still with you, he never left you alone.

Now he swept your tears out of your face. “I made a promise to you, remember?”. How could you forget? You looked at his necklace everyday, finding comfort on it.

“Oh yeah, sorry, you’re right…” you said taking off his necklace to give it back to him. He had to come back for it.

“No, no, no. It looks WAY BETTER on you” he winked at you, holding your chin up to have a better look of his precious chain around your neck

Even Claire laughed at the confidence he exudes. “So y/n wasn’t lying about you, Munson”. You told her about his bold personality and she didn’t believe you, until now. “You need to get better first, then you two will have all of the fun you missed” she warned him to not rush things because there is a lot of recovery ahead.

“Sorry, doc” he frowned but he just can’t wait to go home.

“I love you, Eddie” you calmed him down when you noticed his anxiety to leave that place.

“I love you too, princess” he responded.

After a couple of minutes, Wayne was hugging his nephew. He came as fast as he could when the good news caught him at his work, he had to ask for the rest of the night off.

– –

It’s been a day since Eddie woke up. María was talking to you and Wayne about how Eddie’s blood test results already show that he is clean from every poison it had before, so that’s why Eddie’s body was ready to wake up because it already healed the worst part without exhausting or affecting other organs.

During that conversation, the rest of your friends were taking turns to visit Eddie.

“Man, you need to come back. Dustin is getting way too comfortable in your throne” Mike snitched on his friend. Eddie thanked Dustin instead of being mad, for taking care of Hellfire Club.

“And Will got the dopest dice ever, Eddie!” Dustin and Will started to give him a summary of everything that happened in the club since. Except for the surprise they have for him.

You agreed with Wayne to have the exact same routine you both have been having lately, but less stressful now that Eddie is awake. But Eddie needs someone next to him the rest of the days in the hospital until they discharge him, and also all of the time of his recovery back in his trailer.

“What did I tell you about no heroes, Eddie?” Steve reproached him. Nancy joked about comparing Eddie with what he said once about Ozzy.

Once you came back to his room after your conversation with the doctor, Eddie called you among the big group. “y/n!” you get closer to his conversation with Robin now.

“Is it true what Robin said?” he grinned at you.

“It’s not fair, y/n! I didn’t know he heard all of what we told him during our visits” Robin said exalted. You raised your eyebrows at her so she can tell you what she told Eddie. “I was having a hopeless day thinking that he wouldn’t make it so maybe I told him that if he woke up, you’ll let him try something new in bed. I’m so sorry but I was desperate and I know how much he loves to have sex with you so I thought that he was going to wake up right after I said that and-”

Steve covered his face with his palms at what Robin did. It didn’t surprise him that she did it, it surprised him that she thought her idea was going to work.

“Robin!” you interrupted her. “How could you offer him that? Now he’s going to remind me of your idea every single night”. You sound offended because you didn’t want to discuss your privacy with your friends but you winked at Eddie, letting him know that you are down for that.

The doctor told your friends that they can visit him tomorrow but now he has to rest. Then she talked to Eddie about what’s next so he can leave the hospital bed as soon as possible. “But Eddie I’m going to need all of your effort and disposition, do I make myself clear, darling?” she asked him.

“Of course, doc. I have a date next week with this angel” he looked at you divinely and you gave him an ear-to-ear grin because he actually DID remember your anniversary plan.

#eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x gender neutral reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x gn!reader #eddie my love #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fix it fic #eddie munson fic #fix it fic

36 notes · View notes

telltale-tabletop · 9 months

Text

Cie'th from FFXIII are heartbreaking and really fuckin cool.

I know the FFXIII trilogy is divisive among the fandom, and this discourse is not without merit. However, I feel all the people who dislike the games have failed to consider: the setting kicks ass????

In the world of FFXIII, mechanical god-like beings (one is literally just like, a building,) known as Fal'Cie watch over humanity, exacting their unknowable goals under the guise of having mankind's best interests at heart. This is total bullshit, of course. They serve their own interests, and for many of them that is awakening their creator at any at all costs,

When a Fal'cie has use of a servant, in a spin on the classic image of a paladin, they fuckin BRAND their chosen hero. These branded chosen are known as L'cie, and are given three things:

1.) Both magical and physical strength. Except instead of like, casting smite, you get fireball for free. It's kinda rad.

2.) An ominous fucking fever dream showing what they must accomplish in easily misunderstood surreal imagery! This is known as the L'cie's Focus. Good news! If you complete this you get eternal life! Probably. Okay it's more like you're encased in crystal and put into storage until your mechanical overdiety needs you as a meatshield again- but like, cmon nothing's free right?

Congrats, assuming you've been branded! You now have magic, incredible strength, and a limited time left to live. You better work out your Focus, and fast- those who fail to fulfill their focus become shambling monsters known as Cie'th. Imagine zombies that can sling spells but lack any of the sanity or intelligence to use them properly. Cie'th live in constant agony, cursed to wander and lash out at anything that comes close- including themselves. In an especially heartbreaking touch, some Cie'th occasionally cast healing magic on themselves only for it to do absolutely nothing.

Kindof a lose-lose situation huh?

Little recap, in the form of a helpful image for you!

Could you imagine how fucking soul-wrenching this would be in a DND campaign? Picture this: The party's favorite NPC is branded by some dark deity, and given a focus. Cool! You now have an extremely powerful ally that can cast some pretty good spells, and kicks serious ass.

Except, of course, they must complete their focus. And as a GM, i'd take this in the most heart wrenching direction possible- that is to say, your beloved NPC is now in complete opposition to the party. Give it a few sessions for the party and NPC to work it out, slowly drip feeding the information through the cryptic dreams the NPC has every night.

Let's assume your NPC is a good-hearted person, who deeply cares about the party. In my mind, they completely denounce their focus, outright refusing to fulfill it. Determined to find another way, they lock themselves away to study and research- looking for any possible way to rid themselves of their fate.

If your party pops in on them from time to time, describe how this dark crystalline material creeps around their body, spreading from their brand. Once the head is covered, it's game over. This could be both a great launching off point for a sidequest (save your friend!!!!) or a hopeless task in the shadow of higher beings. Alot can be done with this, I think!

You could also just like, have your NPC go along with their focus? A battle against a once-friend now-divine-battlemage also kicks significant ass. A good 7 on the AssKickometer.

We actually see this happen in-game, its pretty cool!

Ignoring the sexyman himbo in the image, this would be absolutely devastating to your table if they're at all sympathetic to NPCs.

Man. If only someone made a statblock for one of the Cie'th varieties from FFXIII for use in such a plotline. Sure sucks that no such thing exists IM LYING IVE DONE IT ALREADY.

This is a statblock I'm giving to you, dear reader, for absolutely free!

When I was making this, I imagined this as the absolute rock bottom for the character, a mere shell of their former power and self.

ENJOY!!!!!

This is my first ever tumblr post, and my first time trying something like this, so critique and input is highly valued!

Additionally, submission and ask boxes are open! So like, yell at me about cool monsters you like from Things and Such!!!! Do it!!! Right Now!!!!!!

#dnd homebrew #homebrew #dnd #monster #final fantasy #stat block #first post #ffxiii #final fantasy 13 #plot hook

5 notes · View notes

peakyblindersxx · 3 years

Text

whiskey business - john shelby x reader (part 6 of ?)

gif by my queen @michaelgreys, i'm basically her fanblog now but im not mad about it :) i mean just look at him!!1! i almost fainted

a/n: first of all, if you stuck around to this point, tysm for reading!!! this has been one of the most amazing fics ive ever been a part of and it's all thanks to the gorgeous @stxdyblr-2k, who generously took control of the next few parts. her brain is beautiful and we all owe her flowers or something. when i read what she sent me i couldn't bring myself to change much except for some small edits, so pls give her lots of love if you like it!!!! i'm still working on requests as well :)

love, abi xxx

read part one two three four five | my masterlist

tagging: @datewithgianni, @mayaslifeinabox, @deepdonutkid, @springsoulofengland, @lilymurphy03

prompt: nothing this good can last forever. john doesn't know how to feel, and neither do you.

warnings: nsfw! a teensy bit of smut, angsty as fuck prepare yourselves accordingly, a lil fluff if u squint, yeah this fucked me up

Obviously, it wasn't the last time.

Over the coming months you had many last times; his mouth pressed against your neck said as much. As his responsibility at work increased, you'd find yourself heading to his office after your lectures and night classes more often, perched on his lap, smoking, while he finished up his numbers under your critical gaze.

Thomas was more than aware; his snarky comments made it obvious he had his ways of monitoring your actions. You'd seen the dark car lurking outside your rallies and lectures, and no matter how you'd try to throw him off, not even telling Ada where you were going and even, in a moment of desperation, through your neighbours back window, somehow, his silent shadow was still looming. He was practically begging you to make a mistake, to give everyone an easy out. You just couldn't give him the satisfaction. You knew Tommy saw the world as a chess board, always several moves ahead of his opponent. Even when you played him in chess club all those years ago, you could outflank him if you thought on your feet and kept him thinking he was winning until you obliterated him in the end game. It was brutal, sure. But as he told you, there were bigger games at play. You had your own. Thomas could read your mail, intercept your phone calls and have you followed, but he couldn't hear what you said out of earshot. Your lot could smell an interceptor in your ranks, so spying at that close of a proximity was out of the question.

That's why he'd decided to let you have John. You knew his silent approval and his constant management of the narrative meant he saw a tactical gain. There was only so much information he could get from Ada, but John? He just had to agitate him in the right way and all your secrets would come tumbling out. It was difficult hiding your world from John; of what he knew of, he was supportive, quizzing you over current affairs and political discourse, listening intently. Yet, you had to watch your mouth. You had to keep a barrier up and you knew John sensed the distance. Fundamentally, there was nothing either of you could do.

So here you were, in a comfortable limbo. Your days were filled with work, evenings were for lectures and reading groups at the city's university, Ada and you often stopped for a drink or three; you'd go by your flat to freshen up, and then to John's office. Sometimes, you wouldn't visit for a week or so when the guilt sent you over the edge, it was draining to be living so many lives and knowing you were betraying the person you loved most on earth. Ada was oblivious, taking you on her nightly adventures filled with men, dancing and waiting while she was busy kissing in dark corners. Sometimes a young blinder would ask if you wanted to be walked home. The first occurrence you thought was sweet, but as the nights it occurred coincided with nights John seemed extra pent up, you'd decided to ask. The boy, who couldn't be older than twelve but who you knew was trained in using firearms and had a revolver pinned to his hip and a razor in his cap, looked confused.

"Mate, it's not a tough question. Why do you come and ask?"

"There's a phone call." He shrugs, "Isaiah or Michael tells us to go and get you."

Isaiah and Michael were somewhat aware? Fucking hell. Your fling was basically a military campaign at this point, so many of your friends were complicit. The little lads who ran as messengers around Birmingham were complicit. You had to just end it.

But when you sat on his thigh, his chin hooked over your shoulder, it felt so worth it. He never turned you away when you came crawling back. He never mentioned it until after you were finished, hooked under his arm.

"Fucking missed you, gorgeous."

Sometimes he'd remind you not to be a stranger with a wink, but you could tell it was tearing him apart too. He never once came to you. That's how he could justify it in his mind; obviously, the bare minimum was not having sex with his sister's best friend, but in failing that, waiting for you to initiate it was somewhat better. He barely talked to Ada now, citing work as an excuse, but truly the guilt sickened him. He couldn't believe he was prepared to continuously hurt his little sister and betray her. But every time you turned up at his door, he couldn't find it in himself to turn you away. In his mind, every single time you came to visit him was the last time he'd let it happen, yet he was always waiting for you to come back, his blind closed to signal he was prepared. He never would call, it had to be your choice.

You'd been off and on for over five months now. It was so difficult to hide in plain sight, but you just couldn't stop yourself. Neither of you purposefully meant for this to be happen but fuck, was it fun.

For your birthday he'd gifted you a fur coat from the same shop his sister, aunt and the fashionable crowd of Birmingham had purchased theirs. He joked that you looked like a "proper razor chaser", kissing you when you pouted at his teasing, begging you to wear only the coat when you fucked him next. It was a practice for blinders to buy a coat for their wives and girlfriends as a status symbol. You were neither, but John claimed that being his "favourite lass" also counted.

John was a laugh, but you knew at any time he could close his door to you. Until he decided he couldn't be bothered with you, you weren't going to get caught. You just had to be careful until he got bored.

***

You did end up putting a foot wrong. It was a Thursday night; you were sitting on the edge of John's desk while he was ridding you of your blouse. It was past midnight, Birmingham was asleep. You almost didn't bother coming out tonight, but you knew John had lost a deal and you wanted to be there for him. Your skirt and stockings were strewn across the desk with his shirt, vest and waistcoat, muddled into the files and papers which were once neatly stacked.

His fingers were pumping in and out of you, his mouth lapping at your breast, your head tipped back in euphoria, groaning. The stress made him more affectionate and tender with you, and it was nights like these that made you wonder. Wonder if this could ever be something more, something real.

John's body suddenly pulled away from yours, quickly turning the light off.

"John, what-" You were cut off by John’s hand over your mouth, muffling your words.

"Shut up and get behind the desk." He hissed. "Someone's coming upstairs."

You quickly grabbed your clothes from the shiny oak surface and crouched, hiding yourself from view, quickly making yourself decent. You weren't going to get shot through the head with your tits out. You listened to the stairs creek, and it sounded like a group. You two were easily outnumbered. They were talking, but the thick panels of wood muffled their voices.

As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, the cracks in the door giving the room a dulled glow, you could make out the figure of John. He was free of his shirt, toned body on display, standing with his back flat to the wall, revolver produced from a discreet notch in the door frame, gaze fixed on where they'd enter. He was tense, ready. The door was unlocked from the outside, the door handle twisting.

John's lip shifted in confusion yet still he kept his trigger finger ready, not a single shake from your general.

The light flicked on and a shriek rang out. It was blinding, and you stood up slightly dazed. Finn was in the doorway, John next to him clutching his chest, panting and lowering the gun.

"Jesus Christ, Finn, can't you knock like a normal person? Scared the shit out of us." John bellowed, shaking as the adrenaline coursed through his body, resting his hands on the edge of the desk as he regained his breath.

"You're the one who pointed a gun at me! I didn't even know you were in 'ere!" Finn yelped.

The commotion had attracted the attention of Ada and Isaiah, who had come running and stopped in their tracks upon seeing you standing behind John's desk in the middle of the night. They weren't stupid. John was topless, your clothes obviously rumpled, both with matching tousled hair and practically stinking of guilt. You'd been caught red handed. Ada's eyes flicked between both you and John, and you could practically see the pieces of the puzzle clicking together in her mind, all the moments she found questionable since you'd returned suddenly making sense, realising she had been deceived by the two people who she was meant to trust most in life. Finn looked absolutely crushed, he'd never been able to conceal his emotions as well as his older brothers and sister, linking his fingers through Ada's, squeezing her hand.

"I forgot to drop this off earlier." Finn stated, holding up a money box, "Ada had keys so we thought we'd sneak in so I wouldn't get done by Tommy. We did call round yours, Y/N. We thought you were in bed."

"I'm sorry." You said. It was not enough but you just didn't know what else to say. You couldn't make it right, you'd really fucked up this time. Tears pricked at your eyes, as Ada examined you in silence.

John stepped in front of you defensively. "Look, Ada-"

"How long has this been going on?" She asked, her voice shaking with rage. You and John exchanged a glance. "I said, how fucking long?"

"Five months, six in a fortnight." He answered.

Isaiah whistled lowly. "That's fucked. I thought it was only a few times, that it'd finished."

"Never really over when it's John is it." Finn interjects, you glance to him, were you just one in a long string? You shouldn't be surprised but it was easy to pretend he may actually care about you.

"You've been fucking around for six months behind my back?" Ada yelped, Finn trying to comfort her but she pulled away from him. "And you fucking knew Iz."

"I'd expect this from you, yeah? Wouldn't put anything past you these days.." she sneered at John, "But you? You?! You're meant to be my best mate, but here you are sneaking about fucking my brother?"

"Ada-" you began, eyes welling with tears.

"I thought I could trust you. You're just another fucking razor chaser, aren't you?" She spits. "That's why you came back."

"No it wasn't, Ada-"

Her eyes flashed with anger, but this time John was on the receiving end. "You bought her that fucking coat ,didn't you? The fur one. You did! Fuck's sake!" Her fists were clenched, shoulders squared. For the first time in your life, you understood why crowds parted for Ada Shelby. Understood all the free drinks and cab rides, the nervous serving staff declaring your meal on the house (always acknowledged by Ada with a hefty tip), understood why the men of Birmingham didn't last long with her.

"Did it feel good to swan about town in that fucking coat, while acting as though you cared about me? It's so fucking embarrassing. All trussed up because my knobhead big brother makes you feel special? Thanks for rubbing it in my face."

"Ada, I love you. I never meant to hurt you, I got caught up and that's on me. It's my fault."

"You're not acting like you love me. This isn’t what love is, Y/N." She retorted.

You couldn’t do anything but nod. She was right.

John opened his mouth to speak, Ada silencing him, a scowl darkening her features.

"I don't care what you have to say. Any of you. Who else knows?"

"Thomas, Michael, Arthur-" John listed off slowly, each name prompting Ada to break down a little bit more in front of you.

"I didn't know Arthur knew." You said pointedly, John sending you an exasperated glance. He was planning on dealing with that later, but right now was about his sister. Fuck him if he thought you were going to stick around much longer. You didn't want to hear him justify everyone else knowing about your fling with your best friend being left completely in the dark.

"That all you have to say for yourself?" Ada snaps at you.

"I have fucking no defense, do I Ada? I should've walked away." You pushed your hair back, frustrated at yourself, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. You begged yourself not to cry. Tears wouldn't help anything.

"Why didn't you?"

You didn't know. Your silence only riled her up.

"Why didn't you fucking walk away?" Ada yelled, slamming her hands on the desk.

You felt hot tears run down your face, quickly moving your hands to dab at your tears.

"Don't you dare fucking cry. After all you've done, you don't get to cry in front of me." Ada growled at you, John going to shush her, obviously wanting to comfort you. "You can all fuck off. You've all lied to me and gone behind my back. Fuck’s sake, you could've just told me. You could've just told me."

"We didn't want to hurt you." John said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder but she flinches away.

"This hurts so much more. You get that you all lying to me is so much worse, don't you?"

"We weren't thinking."

"You really fucking weren't." Ada laughs bitterly, shaking her head, blinking away tears. "Fuck you lot."

She stormed out, tailed by Finn, begging her to slow down and talk to him, protesting his innocence in the situation. Isaiah hesitated in the doorway, his eyes flickering between you and John.

"I had no idea you two've been at it for so long."

"Iz, fuck off yeah? I've had enough today." John shot back, sliding across the desk towards you. "You alright, lass?"

"We're done here, John."

He slid off the table, his hand cupping your face, "Hey, gorgeous, I get it but don't go breaking my heart tonight. Can we just leave this for tomorrow? Sleep on it."

The idea of getting any sleep at all tonight was laughable, you'd be up all night replaying these moments and torturing yourself. Tonight couldn't get any worse so you had to finally end it. Now was the right time.

"John, it should've never happened."

"But it did."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's over."

"Y/N. You know for me it was never just about-"

"You're making it difficult. Stop making it difficult. Whatever you say isn't going to change that right now we have to do the right thing."

"I know you're right, but I don't want to let go. Is it so wrong to want you? I adore you, you know that."

You wouldn't meet his eyes. Sighing, John pressed his forehead to the side of your head, chin brushing your shoulder, eyes closing. He was begging you to stay with him. There had to be a solution, you'd figure it out together. His voice was cracking, eyes glassy. He looked so much younger when he was pleading. The tall bloke who terrorised the Midlands with his razor rimmed cap, a revolver in his hand, and a ruthless trigger finger had vanished. You wanted to stay, burning to curl up with him and for him to kiss it better.

"I should go." You told him. He rested his forehead on your shoulder, letting out a shaky sigh before pulling away, nodding.

"I'd drive you home but obviously-"

"Obviously."

John suddenly turned from you, eyes narrowing at Isaiah who was still hovering at the door. "Thought I told you to fuck off. Make yourself useful and get Y/N home safely." His tone was ice cold once again.

Isaiah nodded, offering his arm to you. You reached the door and instinctively looked back at John. His eyes met yours, staring at you from his desk, just as you knew he would. He prepared himself to watch you leave every night, but this time was different. That was it with you two.

Isaiah strode down the street with you in silence. You were tucked into his side as was customary with the upcoming blinders who were particularly ambitious, but there was no relaxed chat.

"Isaiah. What’re you thinking?" You asked, voice tinged with nervousness.

He sighed, running his free hand across his jaw, "That was intense in there."

"Just how he is." You shrugged.

"Does he love you or sommet?"

"Fuck knows… does it matter?"

"Of course it does. Do you love him?"

"Drop it. None of that matters, it shouldn't have happened in the first place so it can’t," You snapped, the anger at the situation you'd created suddenly overwhelming.

Isaiah whistled, raising his brow at your obvious turmoil. "You're in fucking deeper than you want to admit."

He walked you up your path, watching you turn the key to the side door leading to your bedsit. You paused, turning to him.

"Iz… I don't know what to do next."

It was so dark, you could see his face only by the lit cigarette burning to embers between his fingers. He inhaled deeply, pausing before delivering his carefully laid out plan of avoidance. Obviously the event of him crossing the Shelbys and losing their good graces weighed heavily on his mind. You nodded, listening intently, noting his ideas of relocation but he explained they were a final resort. The best thing to do was try to regain their trust; in the long run, he had calculated, it was the only option that didn't result in your life being haunted by the Shelbys. Even if they left you alone, their enemies would make a point to go after you, seeing you as an easy target. The other option was to leave the country.

"Good luck, Y/N. I mean it." He muttered as you turned the handle to the temporary safety of your home. You nodded, offering you cheek for the polite good night kiss you'd become accustomed to. He rolled his eyes and obliged, pressing an affectionate kiss to your cheek and ruffling your hair. "I'm serious. Watch your back."

***

John broke down when he finally heard the lock click shut. His eyes had been prickling with boiling tears, his jaw tensed to hold them back. He yelled out in anger, flipping his desk with force, a loud crash as the wood splintered against the stone flooring, glass shattering from the photo frames. His hands went to his head, unable to stop the gasping breaths escaping from his trembling lips, his face reddening.

"Fuck’s sake." He growled. He'd fucked everything up. He had nothing, just as he'd told you the first night you returned. The consequence was no surprise, he'd anticipated the fall out for a while, but he couldn't resist you. He was completely guilty and had no defense; his only justification being that you made him think with his cock, not his brain.

Fuck’s sake. Polly was going to murder him. She'd always had a soft spot for Ada, as the only girl in the family, and was no stranger to lecturing him over his flirtatious behaviour around Ada's friends. She'd murder him. He had a half mind to never go home. He rubbed at his eyes with his knuckles. Polly had no use for tears. That's what she'd tell him when he was a boy coming home with a skinned knee. This was far worse.

He was also sure that he was a worse brother than Tommy, perhaps the worst in the world. His baby sister, who he'd helped to toddle, carry proudly on his shoulders after school and race with her on his back through the fields on the outskirts of Small Heath, had walked in on him obviously in the midst of fucking her best mate. If he had swallowed his pride and actually talked to her, he wouldn't be in this mess. He could've told her that things changed, that for the same reasons Ada loved Y/N he had fallen for her, that he was truly sorry but she had to know before it got too far and someone got hurt. He couldn't go back.

He should've never approached you that night.

He should never approach you again.

He looked over the mess of his office, the splintered wood and shards of glass, a confetti of paperwork. Now nothing mattered. None of this mattered. He'd lost everything and he had only himself to blame.

#john shelby imagine #john shelby x reader #john shelby fluff #john shelby series #john shelby fanfic #peaky blinders fluff #peaky blinder fanfic #john shelby smut #peaky blinders smut #peaky blinders #peaky blinders x reader

352 notes · View notes

nevertheless-moving · 3 years

Text

Suicidal Misunderstanding IX

Star Wars Time Travel AU #27

Part I - - - - - Part II - - - - - Part III - - - - - Part IV - - - Part V - - - - - Part VI - - - - - Part VII - - - - - Part VIII

Content Warning: This chapter contains potentially triggering material, particularly aftermath of attempted suicide as well as discussions of bodily injury.

Cody woke up the morning after the...drunken keldabe still feeling uneasy. He spent half an hour attempting to read over reports in preparation for the Umbaran campaign before giving it up as a lost cause. He distracted himself for a little while by pouring over last night’s cantina surveillance, before giving up on that as well and sending a message to General Skywalker.

‘Any updates on General Kenobi’s status?’

He watched the comms as communications from everyone besides the General trickled in. He answered a few requests for requisitions, forwarded some medical reports, and ignored an irritating handful of overly-personal questions.

Agonizing over it the whole time, he opened a comm-text link to Obi-Wan. It took nearly an hour, but he managed to send two sentences. ‘Hope you’re recovering well. Look forward to upcoming mission discussion.’

He immediately wanted to retroactively delete the message, mortified by every word and deeply concerned at every second that passed without a reply.

He spent the next 30 minutes hunched over, quickly closing every incoming CT and CC communication, justifying the time to himself as ‘technically on leave.’

He lurched forward when he finally received a General’s comm code, but slumped in disappointment when it was Skywalker, not Kenobi.

‘Not as drunk but still seems a little high. He says he wasn’t drugged. He’s taking the rest of the day off. I’m monitoring.’

Taking the rest of the day off. Did that mean he wasn’t carrying around his comm? Kriff. Should he more or less concerned that the general was actually taking a day off?

He decided to be more concerned.

‘Thank you for the update. Respectfully request information on any changes.’

Hopefully that would encourage Skywalker to keep him informed even if he stopped freaking out over his vod’s behavior.

Stowing the remote comm, he stood up and exited the temporary planet-side office, throwing himself into cleaning up the mess that was nearly 20,000 clone troopers simultaneously attempting to get the most out of a very brief R&R.

Shortly before mid-day, he received another update from Skywalker.

‘Just managed to get him to medical. Healer cleared him of drug interactions but Obi-Wan’s still acting strange (not crying, but a lot of hugging).’

Cody stared at that for a long while.

‘Any other verbal indications of upcoming danger?’ he finally asked. Skywalker didn’t reply.

Shortly after nightfall, his incident reports were interrupted by a call from an unknown temple number. He quickly opened it, and a holo of an unfamiliar Mon Calamari female healer appeared in miniature on the desk.

“Commander Cody. Thank you for answering so quickly. Are you somewhere private?” she asked, voice deliberately neutral.

The Commander tensed up. “Yes, sir. I’m in CC office space, alone. The room and the channel are both secure. Is this regarding General Kenobi?”

“Yes.” She replied. “My name is Master Bant Eerin; I’m a temple healer as well as a personal friend of Obi-Wan’s. He’s...he’s in the healing halls right now. We’re still trying to understand exactly what happened- I’ll tell you what I can but first we need to rule out any possible drugs he may have contact with. I need you to describe in detail anything he may have been exposed to that could have possibly had mind-altering effects.”

The Commander was a professional. He swallowed back his fear, his questions, and his demands to know what was going on.

“Of course. Everything on the Negotiator was GAR Standard, and I was with him when we left the ship. We went directly to the lower levels. The first time he was exposed to anyone outside the 212th was when we left our transport on level 3915. I...actually have footage of him the whole time night after that point. I’m sending it over right now, sir.”

“That would be extremely helpful, thank you.” He watched as she pulled it up on a second comm, sound barely audible.

He continued with his report: “One of the boys took it without permission. He didn’t mean anything by it, he’s just an idiot; I’ve already issued a severe reprimand. In any case, he brought it to me after I issued surveillance on the cantina, it tracks everything the General did- as far as I can tell, he had a glass of house grub wine, two shots of rancor blood, and an unnamed mixed cocktail ‘on the house.’ You can see everything the bartender added- as far as I can tell nothing was slipped in. He just... blacked out suddenly after the fourth drink, and quickly startled awake, confused by his surroundings.”

“I see.” Her tone was still carefully neutral and Cody didn’t know how to read her expression. He waited, wishing he was wearing his bucket so he didn’t have to keep schooling his face into professional patience.

“You brought him back to the temple...correct?”

“Yes, sir.”

She let out a deep breath, gills fluttering slightly. “We’ll probably have more questions later, but please understand our inquires are entirely based around determining how we can best help Obi-Wan. This call and any future ones are not intended, and should absolutely not be interpreted, as indications of blame. He’s actually spoken to me about you before, I know he has the deepest respect for you, personally and professionally. Someone will likely be assigned to talk to everyone whose spent time with him recently, including myself.”

The sick feeling in his gut from last night returned full force. “I...believe I understand sir. His condition is serious, then?”

Her gills fluttered again.

“Even now, I think we can safely anticipate a full physical recovery. He...there’s no easy way to say this...it appears he attempted to end his own life. Knight Skywalker got to him just in time, and he received bacta within minutes of the initial burn. I...like I said...we’ll began work to figure out why-”

Her voice broke and she stared up, large tears pooling in the corners of her eyes. She hastily wiped them away.

“Rest assured commander, he’s getting the best treatment possible. Thank you for your assistance. I’ll do my best to answer any questions you might have right now. This is my personal comm link- please feel free to reach out to me at any point for updates.”

“I-” Cody cleared his throat. “Can I come to the temple? To...” he trailed off, not sure how to finish.

“Not tonight, I’m sorry. The healers need to focus; he’s not allowed any visitors until he’s out of Bacta, I’m afraid.”

“Skywalker must be throwing a fit at that” Cody remarked numbly.

The healer winced. “Knight Skywalker is currently sedated. He was...injured in the struggle to keep Obi-Wan from further harm. Master Windu witnessed part of it, but we’ll have to wait until its safe to wake him to get the full story. I’ll be notifying Captain Rex of the situation after we finish speaking.”

“I’ll do it.” Cody offered immediately. “Tell me what happened.”

Eerin hesitated.

“Please, Sir. It will be better coming from me and...if he’s the only other trooper who’s being informed at the moment...”

“Of course,” she said quietly. “We don’t know the full circumstances, but at some point in performing emergency care for Master Kenobi, Knight Skywalker was stabbed in the lower abdomen with a vibroblade. It pierced his large intestine. The blade was pulled out shortly before healers arrived, causing some further damage and blood loss. He’s already finished surgery, and should only need a few hours of Bacta at most. Considering his extraordinary past recovery rates, he’ll likely be out of bed tomorrow and fully healed by the end of the week.”

“General Kenobi wouldn’t...” Cody trailed off again. He was having a hard time putting coherent sentences together.

Bant looked at the ceiling for a moment, seeming to collect her thoughts.

“Psychosis can have many manifestations. Even with- with conventional injuries, people can mistake help for harm. There’s just too much we don’t understand, and only so much we can learn before they wake up. Are you certain you wish to be the one to inform Captain Rex?”

“Yes.” That was about the only thing the Commander was certain of right now. “Is there anyone else in the GAR I should inform of...anything?”

“The military aspect of this isn’t my area of expertise. If there’s someone you trust who can be a support for you, I don’t see why you shouldn’t be able to tell them in confidence. Some form of what happened is going to get out eventually.” she replied. “Please use your discretion, I suppose. It’s...not really my speciality but I imagine you’ll receive further orders on how much to release to the GAR once Obi-Wan’s stable.”

Right. Discretion. Because Obi-Wan wasn’t just Obi-Wan- he was a high general in charge of nearly 1/3 of the republic’s forces. If word of this got out to the wrong ears it would cause mass panic, maybe even an emboldened separatist advance. It was an insane amount of responsibility for one person, no wonder - he deliberately didn’t finish the thought.

“I’ll comm the Captain immediately. Thank you for the information, General.” he said out loud.

“Feel free to contact me for further updates, and tell Captain Rex he’s welcome to do the same. I’ll message you when its clear to visit the halls.”

“Yes, Sir.” Cody responded, saluting automatically.

“Take care of yourself, Commander Cody”

The hologram blinked out. Cody sat motionless for several long moment before sweeping his desk off, sending the assorted flimsies and redundant comm-units of various designations to the ground.

He stared at the empty desk, then tapped a button on his wrist comm, opening a private audio channel. “CT-7567, please come in” he said calmly.

“Cody?” came the alarmed reply. “I’m here, what’s going on?” Why did he sound so panicked? He had deliberately used his calmest voice. Oh well.

“Please report immediately to CC Office 12 in Guard Headquarters”

“I’ll be there in 10″

Cody hung up. He stared at the blank wall. He knew something was wrong with how the General said goodbye.

He opened the single desk drawer and dumped the odd wires and coins inside to the floor. Eerin had said burn. That could mean a lot of things, but lightsaber was the most likely.

Cody puked profusely into the empty drawer. He stared at the vomit for a moment before carefully closing the drawer. He still felt a little sick. He hadn’t even said anything back to the General, he just stood there, frozen.

He stared vaguely at the wall across, wondering if he was going to puke again.

Rex burst into the room. “Cody! What’s going on?! You- kark, what is that smell?”

“I puked in the desk drawer” Cody explained.

Rex shut the door behind him and slowly walked over. He knelt down next to the desk, gently taking Cody’s hands in this own. “Cody. Vod. Talk to to me.”

“Obi-Wan tried to kill himself.”

Rex’s hands tightened over Cody’s compulsively and Cody squeezed back harder. He closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at Rex’s expression.

“Some of ghost company went out for drinks last night. Obi-Wan started acted oddly. We flew towards the temple. He started crying. We got to the temple. He Keldabe kissed me. He told me goodbye. I didn’t say anything back.”

“Oh, vod” Rex whispered. He gently pulled the slack Cody off the chair and onto his lap on the floor. Cody continued mechanically. “I did reports today. Skywalker said he was with him. I left Obi-Wan a message. I don’t think he saw it. He tried to kill himself. Skywalker must have left him alone. He saved him. Obi-Wan stabbed Skywalker.”

Rex froze, still holding on to Cody.

“The healer called. Asked about drugs. They don’t think its drugs but they had to ask. She said they’re both going to heal completely fine. I have a link if you want to call the healer directly. That’s...it. I have reports to do now.”

Rex held Cody tighter. “Not right now”

“It’s war. People get hurt. People die. I have work to do”

“Not right now,” Rex repeated. “You have the right to be upset. You have the right to grieve. You’re a person, of course you have feelings.”

“Obi-Wan said that.” Cody whispered. Then he started crying. He continued to quietly sob for some time, hurt and bewildered and scared. They sat on the floor together; Rex barely moved, simply held on to his older brother as he fell apart.

Inevitably, Cody’s tears dried up and he pulled away.

“I don’t know how to clean this,” he said gesturing at that closed drawer.

“I’ll take care of it. Let’s just get you to bed. There’s CC bunks here, right?

“Yes but...”

Cody didn’t really like sleeping so isolated, but he also couldn’t imagine facing the 212th right now.

“I’ll stay here with you. We’ll go to the temple together in the morning.”

Rex shepherded Cody to the fresher. He stared at the mirror with a vague sense of recognition before automatically moving through a standard sanitation routine. By the time he finished, Rex had joined him in his room.

“What did you do with the vomit?” Cody asked, suddenly exhausted. They slipped into bed together.

“Swapped the whole desk with Pond’s. That bastard knows what he did.”

Cody let out a snort. Then, much to his surprise, he sank heavily into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Part X

#star wars #my au #suicidal misunderstanding au #star wars au no 27 #potentially triggering #attempted suicide #injury #all off screen this chapter #character is not actually suicidal but is severely divorced from reality due to space wizard plot device #starwars #codywan #angst #fanfic

233 notes · View notes

inkdemonapologist · 3 years

Photo

Tfw it’s like 6am and your penpal shows up at your hotel room but he’s like partially a demon and also won’t stop smiling????

Hi again Allison we’re all Very Normal

[BatIM Call of Cthulhu Masterpost]

ANYWAY HAVE SOME, OUT-OF-CONTEXT QUOTES for Session 6!!

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[GM] You said you were there for... inSPECTION?? [Jack] In hindsight, that must've been a HECK of a Fast Talk considering half the group is in pyjamas.

[Henry] It wouldn't be the first time someone tried to sacrifice Henry.

[GM] *about Sammy's sacrifice attempts* He was very polite about it. [Sammy] Yeah, he was! [Henry] He was very polite, he gets points for politeness. [GM] And then he got yelled at, so unfairly! By someone. [Sammy] And then melted! So everyone was on the whole very rude about it. It's your own fault he's like this now.

[GM] We'll say it's ajar, how about that? [Joey] Oh, I thought it was a door.

[Sammy] You can spend Luck!! [Jack] Do I want to use Luck points, though? Here's the problem, I'm the person who finishes the JRPG with twelve thousand healing items, and has used TWO. [Sammy] Here's my counterargument: if your Luck gets really low, you start failing Luck checks, and bad things happen to your character. [Jack] ...that's a perfect counterargument, I'm going to do it.

[GM] You both spot the hat with the press card! Lying on the floor, over by one corner of the sliding doors. [Jack] Oh that's BETTER than taking sanity damage! [Sammy] EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!

[Joey] There's another jug of space juice. [Sammy] I don't want space juice!! I WANT PAINT.

[Henry] *tired* Hey, Sam. [Sammy] What providence, my little sheep! [Henry] ...Good to see you too.

[Sammy] Go into the other room and introduce yourself! [Joey] With two hats on. [Sammy] ASSERT DOMINANCE!

[Jack] Jack is going to take the hat. He's going to have, uh, at least one emotion. [Jack] Maybe more [Jack] Imagine

[Joey] Joey is immediately going to clamp his hand onto Sammy's shoulder, and ask him if he can feel it. [Sammy] UHHH? His... hand...? [Joey] Not-- No, the stone. [Sammy] OH

[Jack] Jack, how are you going to communicate this if one of your hands is taken up by a hat? [Joey] Interpretative dance! [Sammy] Put hat in elbow while writing, you can juggle stuff, [Henry] Put the hat on. Over your other hat.

[Sammy] Sammy will scurry with or without the sheep, but they are his navigation system, so,

[Joey] That is a place we are known to be by the people who tried to... murder us?? Or something. Snake us??????? [Jack] (Snurder.) [Joey] Snurder us.

[Henry] We're just gonna grab our stuff and head out and... let you finish dealing with the sNAKE, I guess!! [Jack] (the snake has already been dealt with!) [Henry] Okay, but the aftermath of the snake! The snaftermath.

[Sammy] In case we get grabbed by an Angel [Sammy] the much less well-liked sequel to Touched by an Angel,

[Sammy] You traitorous sheep, this is not what I asked you for! [Joey] Do you want to die. Is that what you’re interested in?! Just, sacrificing yourself, without doing the proper rituals, not getting anything done--?! [Sammy] What do you know of proper rituals?! [GM] (....quite a lot, actually,) [Joey] Yeah! Much more than you do! And I will make an intimidation roll! [Jack] Boys,... you’re both pretty,... it’s okay....

[Joey] We’re pretty sure there’s Angels.... does she know how to kill them. [Jack] What a first thing to—! No pleasantries, no “please excuse the fact that I’m grinning and have weird eyes and also Sammy has weird eyes and also I have a tail,”

[GM, speaking for Allison] She would like to know what all this is about! [Joey] We’re having problems— [Sammy] He tried to contain something that should not be contained!! [Joey] Shut up, Sammy! We’re having problems!

[Joey] Joey is just going to quickly explain that he.................... [Joey] *mumbling to himself* how do you explain this???

[Joey] Um... I guess he’s going to mentally ping Bendy and ask him how he would describe himself? Like... what was his job, I guess?? Security??? [GM] Bendy says that he’s an eldritch construct that was defending a cult... and now he is something else! That he doesn’t have a word for. [Jack] !! He’s a FRIEND now!!! [GM] He’s friend-shaped! But not at the moment. [Joey] No, right now he’s Joey-shaped.

[Sammy] I mean the whole body is garbage but you apparently want Sammy to wear clothes, so whatever.

[GM] Allison adds that she thinks she might have a connection to get you guys in to the party, if you need that -- [Joey] Wouldn't hurt! [GM] -- so long as you don't mind pretending to be the help! [Joey] ...hm,,,

[Joey] Admittedly, having two angles would be better than one. [GM] Two angels, what? [Sammy] There's an "I can be your angle or yuor devil" joke somewhere in this campaign...

[Sammy] Well, we've learned how to bind an angel, [Jack] Gotta teach the angel proper binding techniques!

[Sammy] Sammy will thank Allison for her help. [Joey] Oh god, there IS something wrong with him!

[Joey] Let's go get Norman tied up in this more! So we can hire him later!!

[Sammy] Jack over there like "I hope it doesn't taste bad" meanwhile Sammy's been grimacing as he swallows paint for the last two hours, [GM] Ink is much better, didn't you know! [Sammy] Ink is better... this tastes wrong... [Joey] I just really love the idea of Sammy longingly looking at Joey's flask like, "aw, you have the good medicine, mine tastes like the terrible cherry crap!"

[GM] So you all have shots with Allison! Space juice shots. [Jack] What a way to start the morning!

[Jack] These boys are gonna heckin' pass out! [GM] They got, what, maybe 3 hours of sleep? [Jack] And all of Jack's sleep last night was sat upright in bed, with his glasses on, surrounded by notes, [Henry] sounds like college [Jack] You're exactly right, Jack's sleep was exactly like college! He was stressed, he didn't sleep for very long, he was surrounded by notes, Pete was there,

[Joey] *saying farewell to Allison* Keep yourself safe; don't go out where we're going. [Joey] Unless we don't return, then pLEASE COME OUT AND FIND US,

[GM] Norman says, "Oh, I see you're back with your friends, Smiley." [Jack] I love the concept of Norman calling Sammy "Smiley," and then Prophet Sammy, in response to this, smiles, and Norman has no idea if this is like, weird? or some kind of strange power move to assert dominance.

[GM, as Norman] When I said I saw things happening on the 2nd, you're the one that went pale! [Joey] How's Prophet Sammy's cONCEPT OF TIME, [Sammy] Not great!!!! [Sammy] I don't think he... knows when the 2nd was.

[Sammy] Forgive my memory. That doesn’t ring a bell! [Joey] He's... a little affected right now. [Norman] ...you don't say...

[Joey] Listen. I have $75 here for you, to take us out to the lake, as soon as possible. [a couple minutes of googling later] [Jack] That's equivalent to $1,464. Joey. [Sammy] CAN YOU IMAGINE?? "We need you to take us to the lake please" "Alright, but explain to me what's going on?" "SORRY, the guy who said that is clearly HIGH OUT OF HIS MIND, here's A THOUSAND DOLLARS, take us to the lake please!" [Jack] its a trip to the lake, what could it cost, $75 [Joey] *laughing* I should've looked up how much money I was saying before I was saying it, [Sammy] No, no, I think this is accurate to JOEY DREW

[Henry] Henry is just watching everything happening... [Sammy] Henry is waiting for the next video game breadcrumb trail to show up. [Henry] YEAH, [Jack] “Oh! Looks like I need to put three gears in this thing!”

[Sammy] I'm so angry on Sammy's behalf that you've made him meet two different people like this.

[Joey] If he does ask for money later, Joey's going to give it to him, because he has no concept of.... money.... [Sammy] No concept of GIVING OUT ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS [Jack] Can Joey Drew meet me, in real life, please? [Joey] I don't know if you want that to happen,, that might be more of a curse,,, [Jack] I'll take a curse! Gimme money! [Sammy] vOICE OF EVERY JDS EMPLOYEE

[GM] And you've got suits, and dress shoes...... [Sammy] We are not dressed for this. [Sammy] ...We are more dressed for it than we were earlier. I promise you, Norman, this is a step up, believe it or not.

[Sammy] Probably making a face because it tastes bad. [Henry] Tastes like paint! [GM] The cab driver might just wonder if that's a new drink this year. [Sammy] If nobody jumped on top of Sammy to stop him from using his mouth, he would probably say something with vibes of "this is beyond your comprehension" [Joey] Joey might try to stop that, and instead just be like, “Yes. It is.” [Henry] He's high. Don't worry about it. [Jack] Driver's just like "oh, I should try some of that when I get off work, seems like a good time!" [Sammy] You should! It'll open your eyes! [Sammy] (I'll stop evangelising the cab driver now.)

[Henry] Henry is: Sims Tense Moodlet.

[Joey] Joey instantly does not like this, and it is apparent on his face, if Sammy can see it in the mist. [Sammy] Probably not! [Jack] You could say he mist it!

[Henry] We need to hurry—! [Sammy] *screaming* THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING!!!!!!

[Sammy] Sammy will be, sort of... whispering reassurance? I don't know how reassuring it actually is, [Henry] I'm sorry Sam, nothing about you is reassuring right now. [Sammy] Just kind of like, hush hush, come my sheep, that sort of thing, [Joey] Prophet ASMR Channel! [Jack] I'm sure Jack would appreciate this actually, it's a shame he's not the one getting this, [Joey] No, he's getting whatever comfort Joey can offer, which, uh, [Sammy] Well, and I will say, he's not like, whispering it in Henry's ear, like-- [Jack] I don't think Sammy in any form is capable of whispering. [Sammy] ...y'know [Sammy] that's fair

[Sammy] Well everyone's doing alright! We're doing great, it's going great! [Jack] Nooooo! No going great! I want more insanities! [Jack] ...I can stop at any time, I swear.

[Sammy] We can hold Norman's hand if you want, like, that's up to you. [Joey] Roll for gay, Norman! [Henry] Take him to dinner first,

[Sammy] This is such a bad idea that we're having.

[Joey] Joey is probably at this point holding onto someone else to guide him, and more in his head than not. [Sammy] Sammy's out of hands at this point, Joey, so you'll just have to figure this out. [Sammy] Got his hands full of sheep.

[Joey] Did Norman drink the juice. [GM] Did he...? Did he...... I think he was convinced enough by “this drink will save your life” that he does take a drink! [Joey] I'll roll intimidation if that helps! [GM] Yeah, you can roll to see how quickly he does it, or if he drinks enough of it. [Joey] *rolls* That's an EXTREME SUCCESS. [GM] Well, there we go; there's a preview, Norman, of your work environment!

#call of cthulu: haunted hijinx #joey drew #when in doubt just keep drawing #jack henry sammy and allison are here too #i just love the permasmile so much

137 notes · View notes

sarcasmandships · 3 years

Text

how to save a life ︱spencer reid

word count: 8.3k

spencer reid x slight oc

spencer and veronica argue over him keeping their relationship from the team, but when spencer sustains a life-threatening gun shot wound it puts everything into perspective

angst + hurt/comfort with an eventual happy ending

this is not an x reader because i hate writing y/n in place of a character name and it often forces you into writing in second person which i also hate - however I have avoided giving specific descriptions of hair/eye/skin colour, height and body shape so feel free to imagine it like an x reader

this is also heavily inspired by greys anatomy and ive taken characters from the show to be side characters, however you do not need to have watched a single episode of greys to follow the story

warnings: mention of rape, mentions of past drug use, spencer being shot, descriptions of blood, spencer being a bit of a dick in part 1??

Veronica groaned and rolled onto her stomach, shielding her eyes from the dull light illuminating the room. Her body was stiff as she twisted to find a more comfortable position, but the glare from the lamp was still too bright, so she huffed and forced herself to sit upright.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” Spencer whispered.

Veronica was still groggy and had to squint her eyes to focus on him. He was stood on the other side of her bedroom, half dressed in a pair of tight grey trousers and an unbuttoned pale blue shirt. Her eyes raked over his exposed skin.

She grumbled and flopped back down on the bed, “you’re lucky you’re pretty, waking me up at 5am on a Saturday.”

He frowned, “it’s an emergency – we just got called in on a case.”

“Is this your way of telling me you can’t come tonight?” she snorted, looking up at him lazily as her head rested on her pillow.

“The fundraising gala – right,” he said stiffly, slowly doing up his buttons, “it’s a local one, so we won’t be flying out, but I can’t justify sneaking off to a party while we’re working a case.”

“Its not a party,” Veronica said through gritted teeth, “parties are fun. This is a stupid campaign that Jackson organized to raise funds for the hospital. Where I’m expected to go and charm rich, old, white men into giving us money, and whichever department raises the most money gets a bonus-”

“And you think I’d have been a valuable addition to your efforts because?” Spencer asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Because, you have an eidetic memory and an IQ of 187 – that impresses everyone, and maybe it could’ve impressed some hedge fund manager enough to give me, and my department, the big bucks.”

“You flatter me.”

“Yeah, remember this feeling – cos’ you won’t be getting any more nice words from me for a while,” Veronica grumbled into her pillow; she pulled the duvet tighter around her body and screwed her eyes shut, they still hadn’t adjusted to the glow from the lamp.

Spencer had finished getting dressed, and he sighed deeply as he crept over to the bed. He crawled on top of the duvet and wrapped his arms around Veronica’s body.

“You know I would rather be with you, but if I don’t go to work, people die,” he whispered in her ear.

Veronica twisted her torso to face him, “Spencer I get it – if I don’t go to work people die too, I just hate your job when it means we can’t do things together. That gala just going to be full of dull, sleazy men – you would’ve kept me sane.”

He wrapped his arms around her, tighter, “I know, I hate it too. I just can’t leave in the middle of a serial case like this, plus even if I tried to the team would have too many questions because-”

Veronica’s body stiffened, and she unconsciously shifted away from him, “because you still haven’t told them about us, even though we’ve been together for years, and you know all my friends, and we go to work events together for my job. But we can’t for yours because you still haven’t told your team, who you consider family. I’m well aware of that fact, Spencer.”

“Veronica, you know it’s nothing to do with you. There are just some things I like to keep private from them-”

“I’m not a thing! I’m a person, and you’re not keeping it private, you’re keeping it secret. Private would be if they knew I existed but didn’t know all the details of our relationship, but that’s not what’s happening here,” she snapped.

“V, don’t be like that-”

“You should just go; you’ll be late for work. Wouldn’t want to let down your team like that.”

Spencer sighed and let go of her, he shuffled around the room gathering up his bag and coat before heading to the door.

“Goodbye, good luck at the fundraiser. Hopefully I’ll be home tonight, otherwise I’ll call you, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” she grumbled.

“I love you,” he said uncertainly.

Veronica couldn’t fight the smile that crept onto her face at his words, “I love you too,” she whispered back.

She stretched her arms out to Spencer’s side of the bed as she heard the front door click shut. The pillow and mattress were already cool from the absence of his body, Veronica let her heavy eyes fall shut and drifted off to sleep again.

She didn’t wake up again until hours later, when the sunlight crept through the gaps in the curtains and shone onto her face. Veronica unwilling pried her eyes open for the second time that day and fumbled for her phone on the bedside table to see if Spencer had texted her.

He hadn’t. Veronica’s heart sunk and her chest, he always texted her when he arrived at work. The only thing the glaring, bright screen of her phone informed her was that it was 11.57am, she had significantly overslept.

She quickly attributed it to the 17-hour spinal-cord tumour resection she had worked on yesterday and pulling the charger out of her phone she rolled over. Unlocking her phone, she sent a quick text to Spencer, reminding him that he needed to keep her updated when he was on a case or she’d assume he was dead.

But when she clicked ‘delivered’, there was a buzz from Spencer’s bedside table and Veronica strained her neck only to see that his phone was still there. She frowned, Spencer wasn’t a fan of his phone, but he never went to work without it, could he really have been so flustered from their spat that he’d forgotten it?

Whatever the reason, Veronica groaned, she wouldn’t relax all day without his periodic updates telling her that he was still alive, and she doubted he would trek all the way back to her apartment to get it.

She crawled out of bed and searched around for the first clothes she could find; a pair of dark running shorts, and her red ‘Harvard Med’ sweatshirt. Flinging them on, she quickly sprayed herself with deodorant and grabbed her bag, keys, and Spencer’s phone before dashing out the door.

Veronica cursed Spencer as she thudded down the stairs of her apartment building, because of course, the lift was still broken. Dr. Spencer Reid was supposed to have an eidetic memory, and he forgets his phone? Idiot.

A wave of heat hit her as she stepped outside, rummaging around her bag for a pair of sunglasses to shield her eyes as she made her way over to her car. Veronica contemplated how to get the phone to Spencer as she drove, she obviously couldn’t call him to let him know she had it, and she didn’t have the extension for his desk phone.

She could hand it into someone at reception and ask them to take it up or ask them to call him down. But then she would have to talk to him again and Veronica wasn’t sure if she wanted to do that.

She knew it wasn’t his fault, she knew that he couldn’t control when serial killers decided to act out, she knew that he was out there saving lives.

But it was still frustrating they couldn’t go places like normal couples, if there wasn’t a serial killer terrorising some small town then she was being pulled in on an emergency surgery. If she were honest with herself, she didn’t know how much longer their relationship could go on like this.

At least they were in the same state this time, and they would hopefully get to sleep in the same bed whilst he worked on this case, she thought optimistically to herself as she parked her car on a side street near the FBI building.

Veronica was still debating whether to leave Spencer’s phone with the receptionist or have them call him down as she strolled across the street. But that decision was quickly made for her when she saw Spencer leaving the building, accompanied by a tall, bald man with dark skin and a short blonde woman, wearing an eccentric, neon dress.

They were laughing amongst themselves; Spencer ran a hand through his messy hair as he chuckled at something Veronica was too far away to hear. He looked so happy. She was about to turn around and sneak back to her car when Spencer clocked her, they made eye-contact and he stopped in his tracks.

His friends stopped to and after noticing that Spencer was staring at something, turned to look at her too. The man nudged him, but Spencer stood frozen his tracks. Veronica huffed, if he weren’t going to come to her, she would have to go to him.

“Spencer,” she said, as she approached them briskly.

“Veronica! We’re just going to grab lunch for the team, I…I was going to text you, but I-”

“Left your phone at my apartment,” she finished for him, holding out his phone, which he took gingerly, “hi! I’m Veronica,” she said brightly, turning to face the man and woman who were staring at her, dumbfounded.

“H-hi, I’m Penelope Garcia,” the woman finally spoke.

“Derek Morgan,” the man added, with a small wave.

They both lingered hesitantly a few steps away from Veronica and Spencer, evidently sensing the tension between them. Spencer wouldn’t make eye contact with her, he stared down at his feet, but Veronica stood her ground firmly.

“I’m literally standing right in front of them Spencer, are you still going to try and keep me a secret?” she seethed.

“I-I didn’t want it to happen like this,” he stammered.

“Right. You didn’t want it to happen, at all,” she said, turning on her heel to leave but Spencer lurched forward and grabbed her wrist, pulling her close into him.

“V, please don’t be like that – I wasn’t expecting you to show up at my job like this, I just needed a minute to process-”

“Process what? Your girlfriend doing you a favour? You’ve had a minute, and you clearly don’t want your friends to know me so just forget it Spencer,” she snapped, pulling her arm free from his grip.

“Veronica, please. I will introduce you properly later, just not right now,” he whispered, throwing an anxious glance back at Derek and Garcia.

Veronica rolled her eyes, they weren’t even in earshot anymore and he was still whispering so they wouldn’t overhear.

“Why not right now? You aren’t tracking down an unsub right at this moment, you’re going to get lunch – is a sandwich really more important to you than me?”

“That isn’t what I said!”

“You didn’t have to say anything, Spence,” she smiled sadly, “I don’t understand why you don’t want the people closest to you to know that you’ve had a girlfriend for the past three years. I mean we basically live together, it’s a serious relationship, they should at least know I exist.”

“It’s more complicated than that-”

“No, it isn’t!” she cried, her voice louder and shriller than she intended, causing Derek and Garcia to step forward but Spencer waved them off, “are you embarrassed of me or something?” she asked, her eyes flickering between Spencer’s twisted expression and his friends.

“Of course not, don’t be stupid,” he snorted.

“I’m not being stupid,” she snapped, “but I can’t think of any other reason why you wouldn’t want them to know me. Not that you should have any reason to be embarrassed cos’ I’m a hot neurosurgeon, but maybe that’s not good enough for the sacred BAU,” she spat.

Garcia and Derek whispered amongst themselves as they gave the couple concerned looks.

“Veronica, please-”

“No, don’t,” she said firmly despite the tears burning in her eyes, “you’ve made it very clear where you stand. I have to go; I’m meeting April for lunch and then to get our hair done for this stupid gala. Text me to let me know you’re alive, otherwise don’t contact me,” Veronica turned to leave but Spencer gripped her arm again.

“Are you breaking up with me?” he asked, his voice cracking slightly.

Veronica shook her head, “no, Spencer you could literally stab me through the heart, and I wouldn’t leave you. That’s the problem, I think I love you more than you love me – I just need some space.”

“Come on, I’ll introduce you to Morgan and Garcia, y-you can join us all for lunch,” he said desperately, trying to tug her towards them but Veronica pulled her arm away again.

“Too late Spence,” she sighed, “I meant what I said, still let me know you’re okay every few hours or I’ll worry. But please just leave me alone till you decide if you really want to be in this relationship.”

“Of course, I do Veronica! I lov-”

“Bye Spencer,” she said, kissing him softly on the cheek, “be safe.”

Veronica turned and dashed away from him, desperate not to let him see the tears threatening to spill over.

“Love you…” Spencer finished as he watched her disappear around a corner.

He was frozen for several moments as he stared longingly after her, but she would be in her car and long gone now. He tightened his grip on the phone she had handed him just moments before, the screen lit up and showed a text she must’ve sent before realizing he didn’t have his phone. He shoved the phone back in his pocket and turned on his heel to head back inside, but Derek was quick to grab his arm and pull him back.

“Hey, hey, hey, and just where do you think you’re going?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“Inside,” Spencer snapped, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Derek gave him a pointed look, “I don’t think so kid, I’m gonna tell you what’s gonna happen – we’re gonna get in the car and go pick up lunch for everyone, it’ll take about 20 minutes, tops. That’s how long you have to explain whoever that was and why you’ve been acting so weird this morning, sound good?”

Spencer wrestled his arm out of Derek’ grip, “I don’t owe you an explanation,” he said sharply.

“Well see yeah you do pretty boy, cos’ that’s the second time you’ve snapped at me in under a minute so somethings obviously going on and I’m willing to bet it’s got something to do with Miss Harvard Med, who’s apartment you were in this morning,” he said with a knowing look, “now come on, cars this way,” he pointed to the left on the street and began to saunter off.

Spencer gave Garcia a desperate look, “Penelope, have my back here, I-”

She raised a hand up to silence him, “it doesn’t take a profiler to figure out that you’ve been acting weird all morning,” she shifted closer to him and took his large hand in hers, “I know you like to keep things to yourself Spencer, but you and I also both know that you keeping secrets doesn’t always end well, we aren’t asking you to give us every detail we just want to know what’s going on.”

Spencer huffed but didn’t disagree with her, he even let her tug his arm and lead him down the street after Derek, who was already waiting for them at the car.

“About time,” he said, lifting himself from his position leaning against the dark SVU to unlock it.

He climbed in the front seat and Garcia moved round to get in the passenger’s side, leaving Spencer to stand for a few seconds outside the car. He debated running back to the office for a few seconds, but Derek would definitely run after him, and he was a lot faster. Deciding he didn’t want to be tackled to the ground today, he grumbled and crawled into the back seat, slamming the door behind him.

“You gonna tell us why you’ve got such an attitude today now, kid?” Derek said as he turned the keys in the ignition and pulled away from the kerb.

“And who that girl was?” Garcia added.

“That was Veronica,” he shrugged, twirling the end of his tie in his hands.

“Yeah, she told us that much,” Derek sighed, “we mean who is she?”

“She’s a neurosurgeon at Stafford Grace Mercy West hospital,” he answered through gritted teeth.

“A neurosurgeon!” Garcia gasped, clapping her hands together, “our Doctor Reid found himself a doctor of his own,” she giggled.

“What? No! I just said she was a doctor; I didn’t say there was anything-”

Derek had his eyes focused on the road, but Spencer could picture the look on his face as he spoke, “I didn’t think neurosurgeons usually ran a drop-in clinic from their apartments, but y’know I’m not the one with an IQ of 187, so maybe I’m wrong.”

He gave Garcia a look and her face dropped.

Spencer swore under his breath and folded his arms tightly across his chest. He shifted uncomfortably in the back seat as Derek pulled up to the drive-thru and gave a shrug and a mumble when he asked him what he wanted to eat.

“Thank you very much ma’am,” Derek flirted with the woman in the window as she handed the paper bag of food through to him, he gave it to Garcia as he drove away, allowing her to pick through everyone’s fries.

“Y’know kid, we’ll be back at the office in 10 minutes or so and you can either tell me what’s going on now or back there, in front of everyone else.”

“It’s none of your business!” Spencer spluttered.

“You’ve not been able to focus at work all morning, every time someone has asked a question you’ve been tugging on your tie instead of giving us some long-winded statistic, then some girl we’ve never seen before shows up and you both start fighting-”

“We weren’t fighting,” Spencer grumbled, running a hand through his hair, “just a difference of opinion, that’s all.”

“A difference of opinion made her storm off like that, huh?” Derek mused.

Spencer balled his fists, why couldn’t Derek just leave it alone?

“We just want to make sure there’s nothing bad going on, Spencer,” Garcia said kindly, a handful of Emily’s fries in her mouth.

“Why do you think anything bad would be going on?”

Derek and Garcia exchanged looks.

“Hey! Why are you looking each other like that?”

Garcia twisted in her seat to face him, “we just noticed that recently you’ve not been coming out with us, you’re always rushing home after work, some days you’re really happy – and I love those days! – but other times you’re…irritable-”

“Like today,” Derek interjected.

“Right, and now this girl who just happens to be a doctor with a prescription pad shows up, and if she’s not your girlfriend then-”

“You think she’s my drug dealer?” Spencer snorted.

“Is she?” Garcia asked, alarmed.

“No!” he snapped, “fine! She’s my girlfriend, is that what you wanted to hear? Congratulations guys, you’ve finally gotten me to admit the one thing I didn’t want to tell you, whilst simultaneously accusing me of taking drugs again, and Veronica of abusing her medical license to sell drugs!”

“Hey! Kid I get if you’re upset but don’t raise your voice at Garcia like that, we suspected you were using again before Veronica ever showed up, her being a doctor just fit into the puzzle,” Derek said firmly, “I don’t understand why you didn’t just tell us she was your girlfriend and we could’ve moved on, you being so secretive about her is what made us think that there was something bad going on.”

“Well, there isn’t, except I have a pissed off girlfriend and a serial killer slashing women’s throats open, I don’t have time to pander to your feelings as well,” Spencer grumbled as Derek pulled up near the office again, he flung the door open and high-tailed out of the car, leaving Derek and Garcia in their seats gaping at each other.

He had dashed back inside the building; he couldn’t tell how close Derek and Garcia were behind him, but he was grateful they were far away enough to not catch the lift with him.

“Hey Reid,” Emily greeted him as he sulked back into the office, “where are Garcia and Morgan?”

Spencer shrugged, “they’re coming up now, they’ve got everyone’s food,” he mumbled, shuffling away to his desk.

“Okay…” Emily said, and shot JJ a concerned look.

Spencer sat down and stared blankly at the map in front of him. He was supposed to be working on the geographical profile, but his eyes blurred as he stared at the contour lines and he couldn’t make them refocus.

Derek and Garcia burst through the door minutes later.

“Lunchtime,” he called, as Garcia held the bag up above her head.

“Finally, I’m starving,” Emily groaned, making her way over to Derek to collect her lunch, “what’s going on with the good doctor?” she whispered under her breath, motioning with her head over to Spencer, slumped in his chair.

Derek hesitated, “we’re not entirely sure yet, I’ll let you know when I know,” he whispered back.

Emily nodded apprehensively and took her food from Garcia.

“I promise I didn’t eat all your fries,” she chirped, and Emily rolled her eyes.

The other team members came to collect their orders from Morgan and Garcia, all of them shooting concerned looks at Spencer. He dug his nails into his palms, the sharp twinge distracted him from everyone’s stares.

Spencer didn’t show any intention of coming to get his lunch, so Derek took the bag from Garcia and strolled over to Spencer’s desk. He dropped the bag down on top of the map.

“You wouldn’t answer me when I asked what you wanted, so I picked for you.”

Spencer didn’t look up, “hmm not hungry,” he said, twirling a pen in his hand.

“C’mon kid, I’m sorry Garcia and I implied that you were using again, but we’ve noticed you acting weird for a while and we thought that was the most plausible-”

“So, you thought it was more likely I was shooting myself up with dilaudid than it was that I had a girlfriend? Cos’ who would want to date me right?” he snorted.

“Spencer, you know that’s not what I meant, but you never gave any indication you were seeing someone, I thought if you were then you’d have mentioned it to at least one of us.”

Spencer curled his lip.

“So…why didn’t you mention anything?”

“Because…because we spend so much time together, and you all know so much about me I just wanted to have something that was my own,” he said hastily.

“Okay, I can understand that, so I won’t ask too many questions – I just want to know: does she treat you good? Does she make you happy?”

“Yes,” Spencer murmured.

“That all I’m gonna get, pretty boy?”

Spencer nodded stiffly, “for now.”

“Am I gonna get to meet her?” Derek asked softly.

“You did meet her.”

Derek rolled his eyes, “I mean properly, I would like to introduce myself as the guy who saves your ass on the daily,” he said, nudging Spencer’s shoulder gently.

He tried to fight the smile creeping onto his face, but failed, “you’re getting nowhere near her if you’re gonna lie like that.”

Derek chuckled and held up his hands, “okay, okay I get it – pretty boy’s gotta protect his reputation in front of his girl.”

Spencer gave him a tight-lipped smile and nodded, he continued to twirl the pen in his hand, “something like that.”

“Guys, I think we might have something,” Hotch said, stepping out of the conference room with Garcia and Rossi close behind him.

JJ and Emily nodded, standing up from their desks to join him. Derek moved to follow but Spencer grabbed his arm quickly.

“You won’t say anything will you?” he asked nervously, “not until I’ve had a chance to talk to Veronica, at least. She’s got this fundraising gala for work tonight, and I don’t know when we’ll get home. We’re in the same state and we probably won’t get a chance to talk till this case is over,” he said miserably.

Derek nodded, “your secrets safe with me, pretty boy,” he said, clapping Spencer on the bag before sauntered away and up the stairs.

Spencer smiled, grabbed his lunch from his desk and followed.

***

Veronica drummed her nails against the table as they waited for their waitress to return with their drinks.

“You know I was going to say that it’s a bit early for the wine you just ordered but now I think you should’ve gotten a large,” April commented, watching how Veronica fidgeted in her seat.

“Yeah, well I figured I should start preparing early for this stupid gala,” she mumbled.

“Hey! Jackson has worked really hard organizing this, I think it’ll be fun!”

Veronica rolled her eyes, “you think going to the DMV is fun, so you don’t get much of an opinion here, Kepner.”

“It is fun!” April began but Veronica gave her a pointed look, “right...not about me. Veronica, what’s going on? You’ve been acting weird since you got to my apartment, and I know you’re not looking forward to the gala, but I don’t think that’s what’s on your mind.”

Veronica shrugged, “it’s Spencer, he-”

She was interrupted as their waitress returned, “okay! Diet coke for you, and a pinot griot for you,” she said, placing their respective drinks down in front of them, “are you ladies ready to order?” she chirped, Veronica wanted to roll her eyes at the perkiness radiating off of her, but reminded herself that she was just doing her job.

“I’ll have the chicken Caesar salad please!” April responded, matching the waitresses bright and bubbly demeanour.

Veronica tapped her foot against the floor, “I’ll have the double bacon cheeseburger with Cajun fries please,” she said, giving her best attempt at a smile.

“Excellent!” she said, taking their menus, “I’ll get that out to you soon as its ready.”

“Thank you!” April said, her voice sweet and sing-song-like, until the waitress had disappeared out of sight and she turned to glare at Veronica, “double bacon cheeseburger! You have a tight dress to wear tonight, do you want to be bloated?”

“April, I really don’t care,” Veronica said flatly, taking a large swig of wine from her glass.

April gaped at her lie a fish but quickly composed herself, “what did Spencer do that’s so bad he’s got you comfort eating and drinking?”

Veronica paused to take another gulp of wine before she answered, “it’s not what he did it’s what he didn’t do. First of all, he was supposed to come to the gala with me tonight and keep me from punching one of those rich, old, pervs in the throat but then he got called into work on a case – which sucks, and I’m upset he can’t come but like I can live with that, we get pulled into emergency surgeries all the time, so I get it,” she ranted, taking another sip of wine.

“But?” April prompted.

“But everything comes back to the same issues with us, he refuses to even tell his team about me. And these guys, April, they’re like his family! But they have no clue I even exist; he always says it’s because he’s a private person and he shares so much with them that he just wants to having something to himself…but more and more it just feels like he’s embarrassed by me.”

“Oh, Veronica,” April gushed, her voice dripping with sympathy, “I’m sure that’s not true, but it’s so easy to get in your own head about things like this, when Jackson and I were sneaking around I felt the same way.”

“Yeah, and then you got married,” she snorted.

“And then we got divorced.”

“Is this your way of telling me I should break up with Spencer?” Veronica asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No!” April said quickly, “I’m just saying that Jackson and I didn’t work out because we had too many fundamental differences, but you and Spencer aren’t like that, your problems are coming from external factors and they’re far easier to fix than internal ones. If you gave him an ultimatum, you introduce me to your team or it’s over, then I really doubt that he’s going to let you walk away.”

Veronica shook her head, “he’d know that’s an empty threat, I already told him I would never leave him.”

“When did you tell him that?” April demanded.

“About 20 minutes before I showed up at your place, he left his phone at my apartment, so I went to drop it off at his work but when I got there, he was coming out with two of his friends – I was right in front of them and he still didn’t want to introduce me. And I told him that I couldn’t break up with him, but I thought I love him more than he loves me.”

“And what did he say?”

“Well, then he said I should come to lunch with them, but it was so obvious that he didn’t really want that, he was just trying to cover his own ass,” she shrugged, “so I told him it was too late and then I left.”

“Why didn’t you go with them? Then you would have met them, and this would all be resolved,” April gaped at her.

“Because he didn’t want me there! Besides they don’t even get a proper lunch break, they were just going to pick up food for everyone else. I don’t want to meet my boyfriend’s closest friends in the 20-minute drive to Burger King and back,” she huffed, sitting back lazily, and crossing her arms over her chest.

“Have you tried explaining to him how he’s making you feel by doing this?”

“Only every time we fight, I say I’m sick of him not taking me to parties with his work friends cos’ he doesn’t want them to know about me, but the rest of the team has their partners there, so he just stopped going out with them all together. He would rather not see his friends outside of work than take me with him, you can’t try and tell me that’s not weird.”

April shook her head hesitantly, “no, I agree that its strange, but I’ve also met Spencer and I’ve seen first-hand how much he adores you, whatever is going on, I don’t think it’s because he’s ashamed of you.”

Veronica didn’t answer her. She didn’t have the energy to argue back, if there was another reason as to why Spencer was hiding her, she couldn’t figure it out.

Thankfully, the waitress returned with their food and interrupted April, who Veronica could tell was about to launch into some motivational speech. She took a huge bite from her burger, savouring the salty bacon and tangy tomato relish that made her feel instantaneously better.

April gave her a disapproving look as she delicately tucked into her salad, “I was going to say you need to eat quickly or we’ll miss our appointment, but I see you’re doing that all on your own.”

“We’ve still got another hour, chill out, Kepner.”

April rolled her eyes, “you’ve forgotten the plan, already haven’t you?”

Veronica froze, with a handful of spicy, Cajun fries in her mouth, “plan?” she questioned, her voice muffled.

“I told you yesterday, Veronica!” she whined, “we were going to get our hair done at the salon but now she’s going to come to Cristina’s apartment since its way closer to where the gala will be – so we need to drive back to your apartment to pick up your dress and makeup and then we’ll head to Cristina’s to get ready there.”

“Don’t we need to pick up your stuff too then?”

“No, because I was organized and put mine in the back of the car,” she said with a glare, “you did pick up your dress, right?”

“Yes, have some faith in me,” Veronica grumbled.

“You didn’t remember the plan! You could’ve just as easily forgotten to get a dress.”

“I’m pretty sure you never told me about the plan,” Veronica teased.

“I did!”

“When?”

“Yesterday, after you came out of surgery.”

“You told me after my 17-hour spinal cord tumour resection, and actually expected me to remember a word that you’d said?”

“Shut up and eat your burger,” April huffed, and Veronica chuckled as she took another large bite.

***

Spencer shifted uncomfortably in the passenger’s seat of the SVU, he was irritated. They had been chasing a lead since lunch and it hadn’t panned out, he and Derek were on their way back to the office now.

He turned down the radio; the music was so loud he couldn’t hear himself think. It was getting dark outside now, and the streetlights reflected off of the window he stared out of, the glare hurt his eyes. Spencer re-adjusted his bulletproof vest; it was tight and digging into his chest. He flicked on the AC; the car was too hot.

“Hey kid, you wanna sit still for 5 minutes?” Derek mused.

“I’m just frustrated, I really thought we got him,” he grunted.

“I know me too, but everyone’s doing everything they can to catch him-”

“He’s escalating! He’s raped, killed and dumped two women since lunch, in broad daylight – everyone might be doing everything he can but that isn’t enough.”

“I know this isn’t an easy case, but we’ve dealt with things like this before and you never act out like this, so what’s going on? Is this about your fight with Veronica?”

“No! I mean…” Spencer dragged his hand through his hair, “it’s not about the fight but it is about her, all the women he’s killed so far sort of look like her – same hair and eye colour, same height and body type….”

“Spencer, we know he’s taking these women as surrogates for a Linda Johnson, it doesn’t have anything to do with her-”

“But he could take her, she’s with her friends right now, getting ready for this work thing. The second victim was at a party with friends when he took her, and she looked exactly like Veronica – they could’ve been sisters.”

Derek pulled the car over to the side of the road.

“W-what are you doing?” Spencer stuttered, “Hotch said he wants everyone back ASAP.”

“Hotch can wait,” Derek said sharply, “now listen to me kid, Veronica is gonna be just fine, she’s gonna be at some fancy, little party full of other doctors. We profiled that the unsub wouldn’t be able to blend into an environment like that, that’s why all his other victims were taken in nightclubs or back alleys. She will be fine, okay?”

Spencer didn’t answer.

“Kid, I need you to answer me so I know you’re still in there,” Derek said, nudging him, “I can see that brain of yours going into overdrive.”

“We profiled that the unsub wouldn’t be able to fit in with educated or upper-class groups because of poor social skills and lack of education…” Spencer began slowly.

“Right,” Derek agreed with him.

“And that’s why we went to Tommy Jones’ house, because he fits the profile, but his alibi checks out….”

“What are you getting at here, Reid?”

“It doesn’t make sense, all the women were taken from dive bars or dangerous areas, but they were all also upper class, well educated women – they wouldn’t just go off with someone who they thought was a threat….”

Derek nodded slowly, “…and we know he used some kind of a ruse to get them in his van because all of the victims had minimal defensive wounds.”

“Right, so our unsub would have to be someone these women would trust, and the psychology of implicit bias show that we are consciously and unconsciously more trusting of members of our perceived in-group,” Spencer added, “so what if our unsub is someone connected to Linda Johnson but from the same rich, ivy-league educated background as her.”

“Okay, but we already vetted all of Linda’s male family members, friends and boyfriends of friends – they’re all clear. And she’s still with her high-school boyfriend who’s been in California all week….”

“Call Hotch, Linda should still be at the office, maybe he can find a male from the same financial and educational background as Lisa who has since lost social status and lost touch with her, our unsub could be someone who has lost access to that kind of lifestyle and blames Lisa for it.”

“Okay kid, whatever you say,” Derek said, he grabbed his phone and dialled Hotch’s number, “hey Hotch, Reid thinks the unsub is someone who came from the same background as Lisa but has lost some kind of status and blames her for it, can you ask if anyone fits that description?”

Spencer looked on in anticipation, his heart hammering in his chest. Derek switched his phone to speaker-mode as Hotch came back.

“Morgan, I think we got something. Linda says her high school had a tutoring program, a boy called Phillip Davis used to help her with biology and chemistry, she always suspected he had a bit of a crush on her, but she never returned the feelings. He left the school when his father went bankrupt and he lost all their money, they haven’t spoken in years that’s why she never mentioned him.”

“Linda posted on Facebook that she’d been accepted for a master’s degree in biochemical sciences the day before the killings started, that could be the trigger if Davis feels he helped her enough with her studies to get into a master’s program, but she never showed any appreciation,” Spencer said nodding.

“And if he went to the same private school as Linda, he would have the social skills to fit in with other upper-class women,” Derek said.

“Good work Reid,” Hotch said, “you two are closet to his home address, Garcia’s already sent it to your phones, I’ll meet you there – JJ and Prentiss will check out his work address.”

“You got it Hotch,” Derek said before he hung up the phone and drove off again, “we’re gonna get him kid, don’t you worry.”

Spencer nodded, “I know, just I’ll relax better when he’s in handcuffs.”

“He will be soon.”

Spencer didn’t say anything as Derek raced along side-streets. He had flicked the sirens on as they overtook other cars, and they blared in Spencer’s ears. He switched them off when they pulled up outside Philip Davis’ house, he stared up at the dimly lit house for a second before he followed Derek in exiting the car.

His ears were ringing.

Derek was on the phone again, “yeah Hotch, we just got here.”

Spencer’s heart hammered against his ribcage. He yanked down his bulletproof vest again; it was really uncomfortable.

“Hotch says they’re five minutes out, he wants us to wait until they get here to go in,” Derek said and leant against the exterior of the car.

Spencer nodded but his heart seized in his chest; he didn’t think he could wait five whole minutes outside. He tapped his foot against the uneven concrete and peered up at the house.

A light flicked on in one of the upstairs windows.

“Morgan!” he hissed, “do you see that? He’s definitely in there.”

“I know kid, but Hotch says Lina told him that this guy is really aggressive, and Garcia confirmed he owns a whole arsenal of firearms. He just wants us to have backup before we go in, he’s bringing S.W.A.T as well.”

Spencer huffed, “why does it feel like we’re always just standing around waiting for S.W.A.T to show up?”

“Tell me about it, pretty boy,” Derek grinned, “they wouldn’t know how to be on time if-”

He was interrupted by a piercing scream that came from inside the house, Derek and Spencer instinctively grabbed their guns.

“That was definitely a woman,” Derek whispered, “but he didn’t bring any of the other victims back to his house, why her?”

“We’ve amped up the police presence all over the city and set up roadblocks, maybe he was starting to feel cornered, and didn’t want to be caught in the act – we can’t wait for backup any longer, we have to go in.”

“Yeah, I know,” Derek said, he grabbed his phone from his pocket and sent a quick text to Hotch, “okay kid, lets go,” he nodded at Spencer and began to advance towards the house, his gun held out defensively in front of him.

Spencer took a deep breath and followed him. He really wanted to text Veronica and let her know that he was okay for now, but that he and Derek were about to burst into an unsub’s house. Who apparently happened to a violent, gun fanatic.

Derek had kicked the door down, “Kevin Davis, FBI! Come down with your hands up.”

There was no response.

Derek silently motioned to the stairs and Spencer nodded, he followed as they crept across the hall. Derek looked back at him for approval before he began to slowly climb the stairs, Spencer readjusted his vest again before he followed.

The stairs creaked slightly under their feet; the house was a mess and they carefully stepped over clutter as they made their ascent. Derek had made it safely to the top landing when the first gunshots were fired.

He shouted something but Spencer couldn’t hear him, his voice overshadowed by the pulsing of blood in his ears. He was still stood on the top step; he didn’t have the clear view that Derek had of Kevin Davis emerging from a room with an assault rifle in hand.

Spencer’s ears were stilling ringing from the first round of warning shots.

“Kevin Davis, FBI – put the gun down,” Derek ordered, his own gun firmly fixed at the unsub, who only gave a twisted grin in response.

It all happened so fast.

The unsub was in the doorway to a bedroom when a young, disheveled woman burst out of it and sprinted past him and Derek to reach the staircase.

She was screaming the entire time.

And then the unsub was roaring curses after her.

She reached the top of the stairs where Spencer stood, he reached out a hand to help her, but she recoiled away from his touch and shoved him out of his way.

Derek was yelling something.

But Spencer couldn’t make it out because he was suddenly at the bottom of the stairs, his body ached, and he couldn’t discern the screams from the woman from the sirens in the distance. Or Derek’s words from the unsub’s.

His ears were ringing, and his abdomen hurt.

The vest was digging into his chest again and he gasped for air; why couldn’t he breathe?

He grabbed his gun, which was only a few feet away from him and crawled onto his knees. Every shaky intake of breath left him with a sharp, stabbing pain in his side.

He tugged at his vest again.

Spencer gripped onto the banister of the staircase and used it as a support as he began to pull himself up. He hadn’t even fully unbent his knees when there was another loud gunshot, it echoed around the hall.

After that, everything started spinning and the ground swayed under Spencer’s feet.

There were more muffled yells from upstairs, and the wailing sirens were getting louder.

“The pitch of the sirens…its getting higher,” Spencer mumbled, to no one in particular, “it means they’re getting closer…the Doppler effect…” Spencer gasped for a breath and collapsed to his knees.

He didn’t wince as his kneecaps smashed against the hard tiles.

He couldn’t breathe, the stupid vest.

He was vaguely aware of black shapes moving around him as he lifted his hands to readjust his vest, when he pulled his hand away his fingers were slick with blood.

One of the black shapes was dragging him, away from the stairs.

Kevin Davis was in handcuffs, screaming as he was hauled past Spencer.

“Reid!” a voice called.

Spencer looked around, dazed. He couldn’t figure out where it was coming from.

Someone was taking his vest off, he wanted to thank them, but the words wouldn’t come out.

He looked down at himself, and saw his pale, blue shirt soaked in blood.

Blood.

Spencer didn’t mind it in crime scenes, he had to stare at mutilated corpses all day and didn’t mind their blood.

This was his blood.

Something acidic was rising in his throat.

And something was lifting him, heaving him outside. When the cool air hit Spencer, he felt it more than he had felt the bullet when it tore through his chest.

Derek was hovering over Spencer; he waved a hand in front of his face, but his eyes were still glassy and unfocused. He was laid against the rough concrete; it was uncomfortable, and his spine dug into the hard surface. He could feel that dull ache in his side again.

“Adrenaline…” he choked.

“What are you talking about, kid?” Derek asked frantically.

“Adrenaline, when the sympathetic nervous system is activated adrenaline kicks in and stops you from feeling pain,” he gasped.

“Reid, save your energy okay – now isn’t the time for you to give me a fun science fact,” Derek said with a forced chuckle and sad smile.

Spencer tried to shake his head, but he only succeeded in scrapping his scalp against the tarmac, “I’m telling you…because the adrenaline in my body is wearing off…it hurts,” he whimpered, screwing his eyes shut.

“Spencer! Spencer! You need to stay awake,” Derek was begging, “the ambulance will be here soon, I know it hurts but you gotta stay awake for a bit longer.”

Spencer managed to muster up the strength to speak, “Derek?”

“I’m right here, kid. We got him, we got the unsub – Hotch is taking him down to the station right now, and then he’s gonna meet us at the hospital with Emily, and JJ, and Rossi…so you gotta hold on, okay?”

“Okay…” Spencer whispered; he was on his back staring up at the sky.

The stars especially bright tonight.

“Come on kid stay with me,” Derek pleaded as he held pressure on Spencer’s chest, “the ambulance is almost here, and we’re so close to the hospital - just hold on a bit longer.”

Stars…that meant something to him, his brain was too foggy to recall what.

“Did you know, that astronomers estimate that in our Milky Way galaxy alone, there are about 300 billion stars,” Spencer rambled as they walked along the street.

It was dark, and stars sparkled like diamonds against the deep, velvety sky.

“I didn’t know that, but I suppose you are the genius here for a reason,” Veronica grinned, his hand was wrapped around hers as she tugged him along.

Spencer wasn’t looking at the stars anymore, he stopped in his tracks which caused Veronica to stop two steps ahead of him. He gently pulled her close to him, so she was pressed against his chest .

“Veronica, I…I think that I’m in lo-”

Veronica.

Spencer wriggled his arm as he tried to guide his hand to his pocket.

“Hey, hey, hey don’t move,” Derek said, panicked, “you bleed more when you move!”

Spencer fumbled around his pocket for his phone, he eventually managed to pull it out and held it out for Derek to take. The screen was decorated with droplets of blood which had transferred from his hand.

Spencer couldn’t look at it; blood, its just blood, he told himself.

“Veronica...” he gasped through short, jagged breaths, “call Veronica...” he said, his hand trembling from the strain of hold his arm up.

Derek took the phone from him and shoved it in his own pocket, “okay, okay, when we’re in the ambulance I’ll call her,” he said, nodding.

Veronica needed to know. He needed to make her understand why he had never introduced her to his team, she needed to know it wasn’t her fault. She needed to know that he wasn’t embarrassed of her, that he loved her more than anything, that he did want to be in this relationship.

Spencer gave a weak smile, “tell her...tell her I...” Spencer’s eyes fluttered shut, and his face, previously screwed up with pain, went slack.

Derek cursed under his breath as he put more pressure on the wound, he was already losing too much blood. The faint wails of sirens were growing louder until an ambulance pulled up next to Derek and a pair of paramedics dashed round to help him.

“He just lost consciousness, I’ve been trying to stop the bleeding...” Derek said, he moved back to allow the paramedics in to help Spencer.

They rolled him onto a stretcher and lifted him up into the ambulance, one of them ran back round to climb in the divers side whilst the other got in the back with Derek. He kept pressure on Spencer’s gunshot wound as the paramedic inserted an IV into his arm, supplying him with more blood.

“Here, let me take over. You sit back,” the paramedic said, motioning to Derek’s blood-soaked hands.

He nodded and dragged his heavy arms away from Spencer’s body. He stared at his face, peaceful from the lack of pain, and pale from the lack of blood.

That’s when he remembered Spencer’s words, what could be his last words, call Veronica. Tell her I...

Derek pulled Spencer’s phone from his pocket and unlocked it, he scrolled through his contacts app till he reached the ‘V’ section.

His finger hovered over Veronica’s name before he finally clicked on it. It rung and rung and rung. Derek’s heart seized in his chest - what if she didn’t answer?

Just as Derek thought it was going to go to voicemail, he heard a voice on the other side of the phone. There was loud music and chatter, but Derek could just make out Veronica’s voice.

“Spencer, I told you-”

“Hi, Veronica,” his voice cracked, “it’s Derek Morgan, we met earlier today...”

read part 2 here

if you enjoyed this please consider leaving a comment as it really keeps me motivated, and reblogging! i really appreciate likes but on the tumblr reblogs are the only way to get my work out there x

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x oc #derek morgan #angst #hurt and comfort #fluff #spencer reid imagine hurt #spencer reid imagine angst #spencer reid headcanons #criminal minds headcanons #criminal minds imagines

137 notes · View notes

stiltonbasket · 3 years

Note

but ALSO okay so first of all thank you so much for the ficlets so far they are Adorable and i love them so much. second of all i am so glad you opened prompts again bcuz. i have. smth ive been wanting to read for a WHILE. so. prompt: junior generation post-canon, they all have super high standards for romantic partners cuz they spend time with Super Lovey Dovey WangXian. not like jiang cheng's List but smth a la Tenille Arts's Somebody Like That iykwim

i hope its not too late to insert a detail to my prompt!!! (i ran outta chara space in the og prompt message and then forgot ^^" ) but theres just one thing!! i really wanna see!!!! in the wangxian spoiling each other bit!!!!! (and the juniors being all That is Love Why Should We Settle For Less) -- i want lan zhan walkin around at one point with his hair in a braid and flowers braided in!!! and if asked he gets all soft and looks at it and is like "wei ying did it" ahhh i love the image <3

can anybody find me (somebody to love)

by stiltonbasket

“Wei-qianbei, we’re getting old enough to go courting now,” Jingyi says eagerly; but he’s a horrible liar who lies, because he and Sizhui are only nineteen, and Jin Ling doesn’t come of age until early winter. “What do you think we should put on our list of requirements?”

(Or, the one where Jin Rulan visits the Cloud Recesses, contemplates his love life, and gets a new point of view on the Lan sect's taxation policy.)

Jin Ling is seventeen the year his dajiu marries Hanguang-jun, and finally gives Jin Ling the right to call Lan Sizhui his cousin. Sizhui’s always been his cousin, of course—they’ve been cousins since Jin Ling was born, even if neither of them knew it—but he couldn’t say so, because that would mean telling everyone that Sizhui was born a Wen. And telling everyone that Sizhui was a Wen would lead to terrible things, so Jin Ling keeps his mouth shut until after his dajiu’s wedding.

“You could just say that he was born to us during the Sunshot Campaign!” Wei Wuxian laughed, when he finally heard why Jin Ling wanted him to hurry up and take his three bows with Hanguang-jun. “Half the cultivation world already thinks he’s ours, anyway.”

But regardless of whether he could call Sizhui his biao-ge in public, Sizhui is first and foremost a very dear friend; and so are Lan Jingyi and A-Qing and Ouyang Zizhen, though Jin Ling’s best friend is probably Zizhen, just like Sizhui’s is Jingyi. He visits them in Gusu as often as he can, since all of them save Zizhen live there, and even Zizhen hangs around the Cloud Recesses more often than not.

“Don’t you have a clan of your own?” Jin Ling frowns, when he visits his dajiu around midsummer to find the younger boy eating xiaolongbao in the jingshi’s new kitchen. “How come you’re still here, A-Zhen? The lectures ended weeks ago!”

“I’m almost sixteen,” Zizhen yawns, reaching for a shallow dish of black vinegar and soaking a salted mushroom in it. “Father says I’m old enough to go where I like, and Lan-xiansheng said I could keep studying with the Lan disciples as long as I stayed.”

“You’re just here for the food,” grumbles Jin Ling. His dajiu is a good cook when he doesn’t cover everything in chili peppers, and Jiujiu once told him in confidence that Wei-dajiu’s food was the closest Jin Ling would ever get to having his mother’s. But a steaming plate of xiaolongbao lands in front of Jin Ling before he can really start thinking about that, and then his baby cousin crawls into his lap and steals one of the soup dumplings.

“Ling-gege pays taxes,” three-year-old Lan Yu says serenely, poking a hole in the xiaolongbao and sucking out the broth. “Xiao-Yu can have one more?”

“Taxes?” Jin Ling stares at him. “What in the world does he mean?”

Wei Wuxian laughs and comes back over to give him another succulent soup dumpling to replace the one Xiao-Yu stole. “He’s pretending to be the sect leader,” he explains, ruffling Jin Ling’s hair on his way back to the stove. “And he found out about tax management this morning, since Lan Zhan and Xichen-ge are thinking about lifting the luxury tax on goods from some of the minor sects. But A-Yu thinks taxes are presents for the sect leader, so…”

“One more bao tax for xiao-Lan-zongzhu!” Xiao-Yu says imperiously, holding out his chubby hands. “Ling-gege give, please?”

“That is not polite, Xiao-Yu,” Hanguang-jun scolds, sweeping into the kitchen with A-Yuan and Jingyi behind him and A-Qing bringing up the rear. He lifts Xiao-Yu into his arms and sits him down on the bench next to Zizhen, and then he reaches up for a stack of patterned bowls and passes them around to the others.

Jin Ling still hasn’t gotten used to eating at the Chief Cultivator’s table, even if Hanguang-jun is technically his uncle now. Sometimes Hanguang-jun even does the cooking, and feeds Wei-dajiu with his own chopsticks while everyone else watches, and then Jin Ling tries to choke himself to death on the bamboo shoots in his yan du xian before deciding that Lanling can’t afford to lose the first decent zongzhu it’s had since his great-grandfather’s time.

“I wish I was married,” Ouyang Zizhen sighs dreamily, resting his cheek on his hand as Xiao-Yu tries to steal his dumplings next. On his other side, A-Qing’s cheeks flush crimson, and she stares resolutely down at her hands while Hanguang-jun offers her a plate of savory vegetables. “It looks so nice, Wei-qianbei.”

“It is nice,” Wei-dajiui winks—and oh, gross, because Hanguang-jun is blushing now, and staring at Wei Wuxian as if he’s the most amazing thing in the world. “Marrying Lan Zhan is the best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Mm,” Hanguang-jun says quietly, putting a heaping spoonful of potato congee into his husband’s bowl. “Wei Ying is the best thing that happened to me, too.”

Ouyang Zizhen wails.

“What, you want an arranged marriage?” Wei-dajiu frowns. “ I never went through the process myself—” and Hanguang-jun reaches out and squeezes Wei-dajiu’s waist, as if even thinking about Wei-dajiu seeing a matchmaker was too much— “and I don’t really know anyone who did, since Yunmeng’s a lot freer about these things. Are you sure, Jingyi?”

“I’m not asking for a matchmaker,” Jingyi says, tossing his long ponytail over his shoulder. “I want to know what to look for if my love of a lifetime comes along. So what were you looking for?”

“Nothing when I was your age, A-Yi. I thought I would spend my whole life at Lotus Pier, and marry one of the shijies or shimeis who liked me. But then I met Lan Zhan, and…”

And then his ideal became Hanguang-jun, Jin Ling finishes, chewing on a mouthful of mustard greens. Everyone knows that, Jingyi!

Unfortunately, the conversation doesn’t end there. It goes on for the better part of an hour, and all through the course of coconut pudding Hanguang-jun made for dessert, and Jin Ling can’t even leave because that would be rude, and the food is too good to pass up even if Ouyang Zizhen wants to ask about kissing now.

“How old is old enough to have your first kiss?” he inquires, while Lan Sizhui giggles into his hands and elbows Zizhen to make him stop. “I’m sixteen, so is that too young?”

“I was thirty-eight when I first kissed Wei Ying,” Hanguang-jun says dryly. “I would advise patience, unless Ouyang-gongzi already has a beloved one in mind.”

Jin Ling wants to die. Why is his extended family like this?

“Pudding tax,” Xiao-Yu announces from his lap. “Ling-gege, can A-Yu have a bite?”

“I’m Sect Leader Jin, though. I don’t have to pay you taxes.”

Xiao-Yu gives him a serious little nod before turning to Sizhui. “Yuan-gege, pay pudding taxes.”

“You’ve had enough pudding,” Sizhui scolds; and indeed, the dishes are mostly empty now, except for the serving bowls in the middle of the table. “Come on, A-Yu. Let’s go visit the rabbits.”

They end up at the rabbit field about ten minutes later, after Jingyi and Sizhui help Hanguang-jun with the dishes. Jin Ling thinks it must make a very strange picture: after all, one doesn’t often see three Lan juniors, one Ouyang sect heir, one Jin sect leader, and one Lan baby lying in the grass with bunnies climbing over them. But the peace and quiet is beautifully welcome after the political unrest in Lanling and the dog food in Wei-dajiu’s tiny kitchen, so Jin Ling closes his eyes and settles down for a nap with a small white rabbit on his chest.

“I think Shufu was right,” he hears A-Qing say. “There’s no point in having a list of requirements. Look at what happened to Jiang-zongzhu.”

“His first list was terrible, though,” Zizhen objects. “And he’s going to be married by next spring, so it worked for him in the end. After he fixed his requirements, I mean.”

“Gossipping is forbidden in the Cloud Recesses,” Sizhui says tranquilly. “And what Father meant was that having a list means you might miss your fated one when they come along, so it’s best to think about what you want, instead of what your beloved should be.”

“I’d like it if my wife liked to eat my cooking,” sighs Zizhen—he’s an excellent cook, too, and Jin Ling knows for a fact that A-Qing’s favorite food is the shrimp and water spinach Zizhen’s mother taught him to make. “Then I could cook, and she could wash our children’s hands and bring them to the kitchen when I was done, and we would all eat together.”

“I think I’d like a husband who knew how to do my hair,” A-Qing says, not even trying to be subtle. Jin Ling has seen the combs Zizhen keeps giving her, even if they’re far too young for a courtship, and Zizhen is always the first to offer assistance whenever A-Qing’s hair falls out of its bun. “Even a plain bun is too hard for me, since my hair’s so bushy.”

Zizhen nearly drops his rabbit. “Oh,” he whispers, blushing so hard that his neck turns red. “That’s good!”

Jin Ling wants to die. He can’t stand visiting Lotus Pier because his jiujiu is obviously courting, even if he won’t say he is, and now he’s going to have to watch A-Qing and Zizhen flirt until Zewu-jun and Ouyang-zongzhu give them permission to get married.

“What about you, Jingyi?”

“Huh? Oh, I want to marry someone who won’t mind how loud I am,” Jingyi shrugs. “Or someone even louder than me, so we can make trouble together. A-Yuan?”

“I haven’t really thought about it, actually,” Sizhui sighs. “I’m Zewu-jun’s heir, so I have to get married, but I’m not sure if I want to.”

A moment of silence.

“Then you won’t have to,” Jin Ling says. Everyone stares at him. “Zewu-jun didn’t get married, and Hanguang-jun wouldn’t have if Wei-dajiu didn’t come back to life. You can just choose an heir born to one of your cousins, since Jingyi was going to inherit the sect before Hanguang-jun adopted you.”

The others swoop in to assure Sizhui that no one’s going to make him get married, and Jin Ling folds his arms behind his head and wonders if his biao-ge could possibly be like Zewu-jun: a yi xin yi shen, whole in heart and body, who eschewed marriage in favor of cultivation. It would explain a lot, Jin Ling thinks, because even he knows what it feels like when someone makes his heart beat fast and his face turn pink, and Sizhui’s never felt that way.

(Jin Ling tries not to think of Nie-zongzhu’s hot-tempered archivist, who knocked him into the dust with her saber the last time he visited Qinghe and then told him he had pretty eyes. Nie Shiyong is a few years older than him, and he usually ends up nursing several new bruises each time he meets her, but Jin Ling is man enough to admit to himself that he likes her. Maybe.)

“Xiao-Yu is sleepy,” little A-Yu says, interrupting his embarrassing train of thought before it can go any further. “Yuan-gege, I have a nap?”

“You can just sleep here,” Jingyi suggests. “The grass is soft enough, right? And you can use one of us for a pillow.”

“Jingyi,” Sizhui chides, and Jin Ling hears the long grass rustling as his cousin gets to his feet. “Come on, A-Yu. I’ll take you home to A-Niang.”

“No need,” someone else says; and that’s Hanguang-jun’s voice, coming up the hill from the direction of the jingshi. “I am here. A-Yu, come.”

Jin Ling scrambles up to greet his uncle by marriage (sect leader or not, jiujiu would kill him if he greeted the Chief Cultivator from the ground) and then he reels back and blinks in surprise, because Hanguang-jun’s hair is up in a loose braid instead of a half-topknot, and somebody seems to have decorated the braid with a row of half-bloomed lotus flowers.

“Wei Ying did it,” Hanguang-jun says, with a small, soft smile that makes Sizhui and the others gasp. “He will do the same for your hair, too, if you ask.”

And then he lifts Xiao-Yu up into his arms and carries him away, leaving Jin Ling still frozen mid-bow with Jingyi and Zizhen gaping behind him.

“I think what Hanguang-jun meant is that the first requirement for marriage is love,” Lan Sizhui remarks, when Jin Ling finally snaps his mouth shut. “And that no matter what we want, or think we want, we shouldn’t settle for less.”

(Jin Ling is the first of his friends to marry, and he never forgets his biao-ge’s advice until the end of his days.)

#wangxian #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #jin ling #my fic

79 notes · View notes

astralaffairs · 4 years

Text

on fear under stark, dying lighting || thomas jefferson, fotp-verse

title: on fear under stark, dying lighting

pairing: thomas jefferson x reader, an fotp-verse oneshot

words: 5k

request: how would thom react if lets say maybe his neo-nazi supporters get too passionate abt their anger towards mc’s articles and um try to shoot/mug/harm her to stop her from writing anything else against thom?

notes: ok so first off lemme preface this w the fact that thom is a self respecting black man who has another self respecting black man as his running mate so tbr the neo-nazi white supremacists r not exactly his demographic of supporters. that said i fucking loved this prompt; set in the universe of freedom of the press, but not canon w/ the storyline

tags: @stargazelaurens @ivory-haired-queens @exoticxchicken8@assbuttstyles777 @distinguishedpotsticker @fukaaaaaaaa@hereforthepsyche-assessment @ivetoldamillionlies@fangirl570 @thealaddinkid @lasciviouspeach@snazzydoesthings @shy-and-awkward-daveed@rachelhermionerose @soft-weeb-s @gryffinclxw @anamrnk@daveeddiggsit @ayayayayana @marinovakovich@cryinghazelnutt @thefandomgirl03 @a-hopeless-fan @cloudynblw @tinywhim @lolidunnoaboutnow @siriusorionblackiii @fanfic-addict-98 @checkurwindow @nyxie75 @i-know-i-can @yxseminx @yavin4andor @sugacita @sstrawberry-fanta @youtxbemusic @queenwilty — hope i didnt miss anyone; lmk if you want to be added!!

Beep.

Y/N scrunched up her nose as her eyes fluttered open, the gritty, incessant sound of the machine grating on her nerves — while she was no stranger to the sound of her own heartbeat, she'd never heard it like that. When she finally tried to look around the room, she winced. The sterile-white LED lights lining the ceiling made her eyes burn; as she adjusted to it, slowly waking up, she began to notice the steady click of an IV drip not far from where her head rested.

She didn't move at first, blinking hard as the ceiling was her entire range of vision, but when she tried to sit up, a sharp pain shot through her shoulder, and she cried out, her hand flying up to the spot.

"Hey, hey, hey, sweetheart, lay down, okay? Relax, please. You're gonna hurt yourself."

The beep of the heart rate monitor accelerated in a fleeting moment, and steady, familiar hands came to rest gently on her good shoulder and her upper back, easing her into the crinkly mattress beneath her. She turned with wide eyes to find the last person she expected at her bedside as he propped her head up onto a pillow.

"Thomas?" she asked breathlessly. "Shit, I... What are you doing here? Did you bring me here? I don't..." Her brow furrowed as she eyed his worried expression, the small, scared frown he wore. As she tried to shift in her bed, turn to look at him, she gasped at the throbbing in her upper arm — with that, it didn't take long for her to recall exactly what she was doing there, though the details were hazy. She didn't know what to make of her current circumstance, though.

"Here, d'you want me to raise the back of the bed so you don't needa hold yourself up?" Though she'd screwed her eyes shut, her jaw clenched as she tried to bear the pain, as his hand ghosted down to her forearm, as he brushed his thumb across her skin, he could hear her pulse beginning to settle. She nodded, laying onto her back with a grimace.

A moment passed in silence while she tried to collect her thoughts. She let out a soft hum when the reclined top of the bed began to fold upward, letting her shift into a sitting position, she withdrew her right arm from Thomas's grasp, pulling it back to instead lace her fingers into his. "Better?"

"Mhm." When she again opened her eyes, he'd pulled his chair closer. She frowned. "How are you here? You... We're in public, Thomas; you can't..." She trailed off, but when the concern in his gaze didn't subside in the least, she said, "Did I die? Am I... Is this even real? I don't understand."

Despite everything, at her words, a teasing grin split his grim expression, and he squeezed her hand lightly. "Well, first of all, 'm flattered that you think wakin' up here next to me might actually be heaven—" She rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help her soft, endeared smile. "—but no, you're alright, just in the hospital. You're gonna be fine."

"I guess that's a relief," she sighed, pursing her lips. She eyed him with concerned hesitance. "But what are you doing here?"

"What d'you mean, 'what am I doing here?'" he asked incredulously, his voice soft. "Three of my supporters just tried to fucking kill you 'cause they were tryin' to defend my image. Did you think I wasn't gonna come see you? Make sure you're okay? I've been worried sick, Y/N."

"I..." She swallowed the lump building in her throat as she remembered everything that happened, how quickly it'd all gone down. With the way they'd cornered her, she was lucky to have escaped with a bullet in her shoulder. She was lucky to have even made it out alive. "I'm really, really glad you're here," she said with a weak smile, "but we aren't exactly holed up in your penthouse, right now. How do you plan to explain that you came to visit me in the hospital?"

"Well, officially, 'm here to offer my deepest apologies on behalf of myself 'n my campaign and to let you know that I entirely denounce what happened," he said, and as his gaze fell, as he couldn't bear to meet her eyes, she could see the remorse in her demeanor. "Everyone's just gonna think it's damage control, and I get why. Some of that was just an excuse for me comin' to see you. But really... I can't tell you how sorry I am that this happened. 'M so, so sorry that people came out 'n tracked you down, tried to murder you in my name. You can't... I can't begin to tell you how much I wish I could go back and do somethin' different to stop this from happenin'. That I didn't spend so much time messin' with you on Twitter. That I woulda—"

"Stop it," Y/N said, her voice hardly more than a whisper. She could see Thomas's eyes welling up, his stare glassy; she could hear his voice beginning to waver. "Stop. You know this wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could've done to prevent it. You're a good person, okay? I know you. Please, please don't blame yourself."

She squeezed his hand, and he shut his eyes tightly. "Fuck, I don't—" He sniffled loudly, reaching up to wipe the tears from his cheeks. "Don't know why you're comforting me right now. 'M not supposed to be the one who needs it; I don't wanna make this about me. 'M sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You aren't responsible for this, and I don't blame you for it in the least." At her gentle tone, he let out a ragged huff, still not meeting her eyes. She frowned. "Hey, look at me. You didn't do anything to incite this."

"You're too forgivin'," he finally said, lifting his head to meet her gaze. "I don't deserve it."

She scoffed at the words, breaking his gaze to shake her head in exasperation. "Thomas, if you don't deserve to be forgiven, that's because there's nothing to forgive. Please, this isn't your burden."

There was a skip, silence aside from the IV drip and the staticky beep of the heart rate monitor. "That's enough talkin' about me," he finally said. Y/N sighed. His deflecting was overt, but he didn't seem to care. "How are you? I don't just mean your shoulder, either. No one would judge you for bein' rattled after everything that happened."

She shrugged, and he could see the pain in her eyes. "I'm not great, if I'm honest. I was just so scared." She drew in a shaky breath. He took her hand in both of his, pulling his chair closer to her side. "How'd you even find out about this, anyway? Lafayette?"

"Now, why d'you think Lafayette woulda heard about you bein' in the hospital before I did?" He could only feign offense, but the eyebrow he raised was playful. She couldn't stifle her amused smile. "That hurts, sweetheart, really. He matters that much more to you than I do?"

"Shut up; you know that none of my other friends would tell you about this," she groaned, but any exhaustion in her voice was contrived. "Alex and his sister-in-law are my emergency contacts. Which one of them would've ever called you?"

"Alright, alright." Thomas huffed, trying to purse his lips to hide his grin. "James called me. Dolley saw it on the news."

"Oh my god, it's on the news?" Her eyes widened, and Thomas was struck with a pang of guilt as he heard her pulse begin to spike — there wasn't much she could hide when hooked up to a heart rate monitor. "Shit, I– I need to call Mira and Orlando; they've gotta be terrified. And Angelica, holy shit, I'm sure she's heard. What time is it? How long has it been since the story broke?"

"Hey, calm down, okay? They're outside. They know you're gonna be alright," he murmured, rubbing the back of her hand comfortingly, and he sighed as he heard her heartbeat slow. "Everyone's out there. James 'n Dolley came, Lafayette came... Hamilton brought his whole family. I met Angelica, just now."

Her eyebrows shot up, but a laugh was etched into her surprised smile. "Oh, no, tell me you're lying. I can't imagine that went well."

He hummed in agreement, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he watched her enthusiasm begin to grow. "Nah, not so much. Think she woulda throttled me out in the lobby if Mira hadn't stopped her."

Y/N groaned. "Of course Mira's out there defending you. Some priorities."

"Oh, would you rather your friends killed me with their bare hands?" He raised an expectant eyebrow, and when Y/N only shrugged, he scowled.

"Listen, all I'm saying is that if someone shot you in my name and James tried to throttle me for it, I'd understand."

Thomas gave a reluctant hum. "Forgot how much you liked havin' people's hands around your throat. Guess you'd probably enjoy it, huh?"

Her eyes widened as her breath caught, blood rushing to her cheeks. She could feel her skin burning, and somewhere in the background, she was vaguely aware of the rush of her heart rate monitor. "Thomas. Shut up, I swear to god."

He laughed when she tried to shove his hands away, yank her right arm out of his grasp, but when he just squeezed her forearm teasingly, she turned her head. She couldn't meet his gaze with the scowl she wore. "Aw, what's the problem? You only into that when I'm the one doin' it?"

"Thomas." She whipped her head back around to him with a wearing look, appearingly taken aback, but her teeth were sinking hard into her bottom lip. When she saw the mocking pout he wore, a chill ran down her back; her stomach turned.

"Y'know, I'm kinda havin' fun with bein' able to hear your heart rate." When he winked, the corners of his lips turning up into a knowing smile, the heat in the back of her neck flared.

"You're exhausting," she grumbled. He shrugged.

"Mmh, I can see that." When she turned to him with an eyebrow raised, he grinned. "Nothin' to be ashamed of, sweetheart. I know I—"

He was cut off by the click of the door being thrown open, and a nurse rushed into the room, closely followed by the small army of people there to see Y/N. They both pulled abruptly back from one another. Y/N's heart was pounding.

"Y/N! Are you okay? Did something happen?" Eliza asked pushing through to see you with wide, worried eyes. Y/N opened her mouth to respond, but when she just gaped at everyone for a moment, Alex immediately cut in.

"Jefferson, I swear to god, if you laid a finger on her, I'll end you. I knew it was a bad idea to let him in here," Alex scowled, glaring at Thomas as he strode toward them, but Y/N's brows shot up.

"Hey, woah, stop it," she said holding up her right hand, a silent request for him to come to a halt. Reluctantly, he did, still eyeing Thomas skeptically. "Nothing happened. I'm okay. Why'd you all come in here like this?"

"Your heart rate was rising, dear. We thought you could've been having a seizure, or a heart attack, or... or something," Dolley said, and Alex glared when she pushed her way in front of him. "How are you? I saw the video online, and oh, Y/N, it was awful. I couldn't bear to see such a thing happening to you."

"Dolley, hey." Y/N wore a soft smile as Dolley came to her bedside, resting a hand on her calf. "I'm okay. Not the best I've ever felt, but it isn't anything I won't be able to sleep off. That, and some painkillers, of course."

Dolley gave her a wry smile. "Let me know if there's anything I can do. I have a neglected bottle of rosé sitting in our pantry and two pints of ice cream in the freezer, so go ahead and pick your poison."

Y/N laughed. "I'll have to see what flavors of ice cream you've got stashed away, but either option is dangerously tempting."

Dolley was about to reply, but when Angelica emerged to her left, she jumped back, startled. "Anyway, why was your heart rate so high? You don't look like you're going into a coma, so what'd he do?" Angelica nodded toward Thomas, the look in her eyes all business and her brow furrowed. Thomas raised an affronted brow.

"Oh, please, Thomas wouldn't hurt a fly." As everyone began to disperse themselves around her bedside, the group who'd come to see her made Y/N's heart warm. She resisted rolling her eyes at the doting smile Mira gave Thomas alongside her words, which he returned gratefully. (Suck up.) However, Mira also turned to Y/N with a hesitant look. "Right, mija?"

Y/N pursed her lips, glancing between Mira and Thomas dubiously, but Thomas looked smug. "Yeah, yeah, he's in the clear," she agreed reluctantly. "My heart rate spiked because I stupidly tried to use both my arms to shift where I was sitting. It didn't feel so great for, y'know, my bullet wound." When she gave a weak smile, there were sighs of relief scattered throughout the group (Thomas's was the most adamant; he hadn't expected her to bail him out quite that easily).

"Well, we are glad to see zat you are alright." Lafayette offered her a soft smile, and when she found him standing directly beside Thomas, she reached out to squeeze the hand he had resting on the rail of her bed. A flicker of dejection passed through Thomas's expression, gone almost the moment it came.

"I'm glad to see all of you here. It was really sweet of you to come," Y/N said, looking around the group. Her eyes lit up when she caught sight of James standing just behind Dolley, a small smile resting on his lips. "Aw, James, even you showed up?"

"Of course, Y/N. We on Thomas's campaign have been incredibly concerned."

She rolled her eyes at his formal tone. "Yeah, yeah, talk all you want about your political agenda, but we both know Dolley dragged you along to visit."

"I truly can't help but take offense at that," James said, his brow furrowed, and he shook his head. Regardless, he wore an amused smile. "As though I'm unable to cross partisan lines for an injured acquaintance?"

"Aw, aren't we friends by now?" Y/N asked, plastering on a pout, and James laughed.

"I suppose so." He squeezed Dolley's shoulder, an eyebrow raised, and she shuffled aside, inadvertently crowding into Angelica's space. When James took a step forward, Y/N's eyebrows shot up at the bouquet of flowers he held, the envelope attached to them. "These are for you, on behalf of our entire campaign."

She had to shift in her seat to turn and take them from him in her right hand, but as she did so, she grimaced at the dull pain in her shoulder when she moved it. Thomas's hand shot out to support her before he realized where he was, and he stopped himself short, pulling his hands back into his lap with a wince.

"Thanks so much, James, these are beautiful," Y/N said, inhaling deeply as she held the flowers up to her nose. "Who picked them out?"

"I did." The sound of Thomas's voice among the group surprised her. Her eyebrows were raised when she turned to him, and she struggled to stop her small smile from widening at his words.

"Well then, thank you, Secretary Jefferson. I appreciate the gesture."

"It's the least I could do, Ms. L/N." She pressed her lips together; it was all she could do not to laugh at the formality in his tone. He gave her a sympathetic smile, but as she met his gaze, it was doting. "I'm terribly sorry that this happened. Please, don't hesitate to reach out if there's anything further we can do to support you."

She cocked a brow. "Care to pay my medical bills?"

"Gladly."

"Wait, seriously?" Her eyes widened. "I was joking, but I'm holding you to that."

"As you should," Thomas said reasonably, giving a shrug. "I understand how difficult this has gotta be for you, and for your family, too. We'd like to support you in any way we can."

While his gentle tone made her smile, holding his stare, but Alex scoffed loudly.

"Oh my god, don't fall for that, Y/N," he interjected. Y/N raised a brow. "He's just trying to avoid a lawsuit. Or convince you not to start bitching online about how he almost killed you."

"He didn't almost kill me," she huffed. She glanced back hesitantly at Thomas, and he was watching her with guilt heavy in his expression. "One of his supporters did. It's not the same thing."

"Yeah, they tried to kill you in his name. Why are you giving him a pass?"

"If you shot him in my name, would it be my fault?" She pinned Alex with an expectant stare, and he huffed. "You know it wouldn't, and this is no different. If you're gonna spend the next few minutes attacking him, go wait in the hall until he and James leave. My head already hurts, so I refuse to listen to you picking a fight."

Alex folded his arms. "Why aren't you kicking him out?"

"Because you're the one getting worked up, right now," Y/N said matter-of-factly, but Thomas sighed.

"I understand that you all want me gone. I won't impose," he said, and when he began to push his chair out, Y/N and Mira wore identical, dismayed expressions.

"No, no, you aren't imposing!" Mira insisted. "Please, stay."

"'S alright, Mira. I know when I'm not wanted. I should be goin'," he said, giving her a reassuring smile, but his nervous gaze flickered back to Y/N. "Unless, of course, you've got any more grievances you wanna air? I'd be happy to listen, but I don't wanna overstay my welcome."

"Actually," Y/N started, pursing her lips. Thomas's tense demeanor softened as she went on, "I have a few more things I'd like to say before you go. You aren't off the hook just yet." Though her expression was hard, Thomas was struggling not to grin at her not sending him away. Y/N looked back around to her friends and family. "If you'd all give me another minute? I need to get some things off my chest."

While everyone obliged her easily, turning to give her space as they started toward the exit, Dolley and Lafayette shared a knowing look. Y/N's nurse smiled. "I'm glad to see you awake and feeling better. I'll be on call if you need me."

"Thanks so much," Y/N said quietly, and Lafayette caught her eye with a grin.

"We will be back in a few minutes, chérie. Do not do anything rash."

Y/N's eyebrows shot up when he shot Thomas a wink before following everyone else out, and they sat another moment in silence until the door finally fell shut. Thomas breathed a sigh of relief.

"So, now that everyone's outta here, you gonna rip me a new one?" he asked playfully, and Y/N rolled her eyes, finally letting herself grin as she turned to him, leaning fully back against her bed.

"Don't tempt me," she warned, and he laughed lightly. "But I just wanted another minute with you. If you want to go or have somewhere to be, I'll understand."

"I'm gonna stay as long as you're lookin' to let me," he replied, and when he rested his hand on the bed's rail, she took it in hers.

"I don't know how long I can believably pretend to be yelling at you, but I don't want you to leave just yet. I'm really glad you're here." She swallowed hard, glancing down at where their hands were linked. "I've just... been so distant recently. Is it silly to say I was afraid I was going to die without seeing you first?"

He let out a light, breathy laugh; the look in his eyes was akin to relief. "Jesus, I hope not, 'cause I've been up all night worryin' about the same thing."

Her eyebrows shot up, and he gave her a sheepish smile. "You've been up all night?"

"How was I supposed to sleep?" he asked, his eyebrows raised. He shook his head in disbelief. "You have no idea how scared I was, sweetheart."

"I can imagine," she said with a sigh. "Thank you for coming. I'm sure it wasn't easy to get in here with my friends all ready to bite your head off."

"Mmh, not exactly," he agreed, tone dry, and when she caught sight of his irked expression, she raised an eyebrow. "I didn't get too warm of a welcome."

"How'd you convince them to let you stay here until I woke up, anyway?" she asked, and a lopsided grin split his expression. He shrugged. "Don't tell me you just waltzed in here, and they let you into my room. I know them better than that."

"Lafayette vouched for me."

"Seriously?" Y/N furrowed her brow. "And said what?"

"That it'd be best for you to be able to get everything off your chest before everyone came in to see you." He shrugged, and though Y/N rolled her eyes, his smile was smug. "Guess I'm lucky you're takin' pity on me, huh?"

"Really, Jefferson. I should consider being a little harsher next time. Really making you pay for being thoughtful enough to show up here and comfort me when I'm terribly injured." She bit her lip, eyeing him tentatively. "Hey, can anybody see us right now? Are there any windows or security cameras I'm missing?"

He shook his head, brow furrowed. "Uh-uh. Relax. It's just you and me, alright?"

"Then will you come sit with me?"

His eyebrows shot up when she looked at him hopefully, shifting over on her bed, but it wasn't until a moment later that he answered, his words hesitant. "I dunno, sweetheart. I know you're in a lotta pain, and I don't wanna accidentally hurt you. You should just rest."

"Please?" The look in her eyes was hopeful, and she ran her thumb across his knuckles. "I just... wanna be held. I know you've gotta go soon, but..."

She couldn't finish her sentence, instead just trailing off, watching him with pleading eyes, and he sighed. "God, I hate not bein' able to say no to you. Move over."

Y/N grinned when he stood, delicately propping himself up onto the edge of her bed and swinging his legs up beside hers. His left arm brushed against her right shoulder, and she winced, trying to prop herself up onto the side of his torso. His hands found her waist. "This okay?" he asked softly, shifting her to lay against his chest, and her smile went soft.

"Yeah. This is good." She hummed contentedly when he absentmindedly began tracing patterns into her hip through her hospital gown. "Thanks for being here. Not many people would be willing to fight through my friends just to see me for a few minutes."

"Well, I did have some help," he murmured, his lips just above her ear. "I mean, since you gave Mira the power of attorney and all, she got the final say on who was allowed to come in and see you. You know she's got a soft spot for me."

Y/N giggled. "I guess your whole 'golden boy' act does come in handy once in a while."

When Thomas huffed, she could feel his warm breath tickle the side of her neck. She shivered. "Y'know what, I'm gonna let that one go, but only 'cause you're injured."

"Or because you know I'm right," she teased, craning her neck back to look at him with a wide smile, and he raised an amused eyebrow.

"Mhm, 'cause I'm secretly a terrible person, huh?"

"Good thing we agree." She pushed herself up to lightly kiss the underside of his jaw. "I just wish you could stay longer. I know you probably have a million things to get done, but I hate that you have to use some bullshit excuse just to come see me."

"So do I," he sighed.

"I just wish we could do... whatever this is in the light of day."

"What if we could?"

"Thomas," Y/N groaned lightly. "It's a nice thought, but you know it isn't possible. You aren't going to drop out of the race for president, and I'm not going to stop covering the campaign. I like my job too much. I don't want to give that up."

"And I'd never ask you to," he assured her, "'S just a nice thought."

"Yeah," she agreed reluctantly, her gaze downcast. A beat passed in silence; they were both too caught up in their own heads to pay attention to the steady click of the IV drip within a foot of them, the buzz of the dying LED lights overhead. Finally, Y/N said, "Is there any chance you can come up with some excuse to come back and visit me tomorrow? I'll have my phone on me, so I can text you when the coast is clear."

"I'd love that," he whispered, pressing a kiss to the side of her head. He hadn't realized it, but she'd begun to doze off, her eyes fluttering shut as she laid her head against the warmth of his body, the steady feeling of his heartbeat in his chest lulling her to sleep.

"Thank you," she murmured, covering his hand with hers. "I love..." She trailed off when she could feel him inhale sharply, his chest rising against her back, and despite her fatigue, she knew enough to hold her tongue. "Love that you could make it here. Thanks again."

"'S been my pleasure."

She didn't respond, content to just rest in his arms, and his smile was soft as he looked down at her. Several minutes ticked by, and the pair was at peace in the sterile environment, relaxed despite the bullet wound in her shoulder, the danger she'd been in hours before, despite the tension that always hung heavy in their dynamic, unavoidable with the risk they were taking being together.

"Thanks for keeping me around, sweetheart," he whispered, and his words were met only with the heavy sound of her breathing, leveling out as she drifted further and further from consciousness. He swallowed hard. "I love you."

She was too far gone to hear him.

A few more minutes later, the room's door clicked open, and Thomas's eyes widened, realizing the position he was about to be found in. His eyes widened.

"Y/N, is it alright if everyone else—?" Lafayette emerged from the doorway alone, cutting himself with a soft smile when he caught sight of Y/N laid against Thomas's body, perfectly at peace in his embrace. "Ah, Thomas. I am glad to see zat she is being well taken care of," he said softly, a teasing lilt to his voice. Thomas couldn't take it too personally. "Is she... asleep?"

He nodded. "Has been for a few minutes. Think she's been needin' some real rest," he replied, warm gaze drifting down to Y/N's calm, absent face. "Y'know, the kind that doesn't come from faintin' in pain and some anesthetics."

Lafayette chuckled lightly, folding his arms. "I think zat it is for ze best," he said. "But I was sent in 'ere to see whether or not Y/N was done, ah... lecturing you for ze 'arms done. I am not sure I 'ave any way to tell everyone zat she is still busy in 'ere."

"Sounds like it's time for me to head out, then, huh?" Lafayette nodded, and Thomas looked down with a reluctant smile. "Alright, gimme a minute. Send everyone in when I get out of here, yeah?"

"Of course." Lafayette departed without another word, appearing to be rather pleased with the scene before him. Thomas sighed, trying to shift Y/N off of himself without rattling her, and when he gently laid her shoulders back down onto the mattress, her head resting to one side on the pillow, he leaned down to kiss her forehead softly.

"I'll be back for you tomorrow, okay?" he whispered, disregarding entirely the fact that she didn't hear a word of it. He finally lifted himself off of the side of the bed. "Goodnight, Y/N."

His footsteps stalled another moment as he stood beside her; his tender gaze swept down the entirety of her stature, but it was clouded with remorse when he once again glanced to the bloodied bandage wrapped around her shoulder. He swallowed the lump of guilt in his throat.

He turned off the lights on his way out.

157 notes · View notes

kybervisions · 3 years

Text

slight obsessions [bucky]

summary: after months of obsessing over a senator, bucky is given the opportunity to save her. he then visits her in the hospital

author’s note: warning, warning, this will feature aspects of the u.s government,,, \\ lil bit of fluff and mentions of torture ,, just a kidnapped senator and bucky pining ,, requests are open :)

The security footage of your kidnapping at the fundraiser was leaked to the media. Millions watched as a prominent U.S senator was ambushed and drugged before being dragged into an unmarked vehicle. Bucky’s heart ached. “We’ll find her,” Sam, well-aware of Bucky’s infatuation with you, promised his friend.

Bucky was unprepared to find you in the state that you were, bloody and bruised. There was a cut above your eyebrow and blood dripped down your face. Your skin was riddled with red and purple. The metal cuffs around your wrists and ankles dug into your skin and caused you to bleed. There was track marks on your arms and your knee didn’t look too good either.

You looked nearly unrecognizable — almost nothing like the senator that so adamantly advocated for his pardon.

“Captain?” You mutterly weakly, barely recognizing the two figures near the doorway. The drugs they pumped into you fucked with your vision and made you feel absolutely sick. You could barely keep your eyes open. Everything hurt and you shivering from the lack of warmth.

Sam quickly ran past Bucky and his fingers searched for a pulse on your neck. Weak, but it was something. Once up close, Sam could see the multitude of track marks on your skin and his fingers gently touched them, causing you to cry, something that completely shocked you. Zemo had stopped giving you water a few days ago.

“We’re going to get you out of here, senator,” Sam pulled out a Widow’s Bite, which he had secretly stolen from Natasha, and used the electricity within the bite to override the power source of the cuffs.

When the cuffs opens, you were released from the vertical interrogation chair. Before you fell on the concrete floor, Bucky quickly reached out to catch you.

“Fuck!” You shouted and startled Bucky. You bit your lip in an attempt to silence your pain. After weeks of absolute hell, you were sensitive to touch. Tears filled your eyes and you weren’t strong enough to hold them back. “It hurts,” You whimpered. You felt sick. Cold and weak and wanting to puke but having nothing in your stomach to regurgitate.

A protectiveness he had not felt since before the war consumed Bucky. Seeing you so weak and in pain filled him with both anger and the need to make you feel better. Your big, soft, and tear-filled eyes awakened his primal instinct to defend and protect.

He acknowledged there was still something wrong with him, because even in the state that you were in, Bucky wanted nothing more than to press his lips against yours and hold you against him.

For a short second, while looking down into your eyes, the world was quiet.

“C’mon, man,” Sam urged them. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be in here when the timer goes off,”

“Alright, alright,” Bucky agreed. “Um, can you run?” He looked down at you again. You were smaller in person. The television must make everyone look like titans. On the screen, you had such a larger than life presence. Whether it was asking questions during committee hearings or speaking out against a bill, you were imposing.

“She can barely stand,” Sam answered before you. With all the drugs in your system, you were nearly unresponsive. “Pick her up and let's go!”

Once they reached the C.I.A medical facility, Sharon told a room full of reporters that the senator had been found and was being examined by professionals. She did not give too much information, which was typical for intelligence agencies.

By “being examined by professionals”, Sharon meant you were undergoing surgery because whatever was injected into your body caused you to go under septic shock. She omitted that part, not wanting to give the public further cause to worry.

After the surgery, only family was allowed to enter your hospital room. Some of your staff was able to bypass that rule. You were still recovering, but your top aide, Winnie, had begun planning your first public appearance.

“You’re a certified badass now,” Winnie informed you, and it made you chuckle. Winnie had been by your side since you were a congressional freshman and you loved them to death. “The corpses will have to show you actual respect now,” They smiled, referring to your coworkers as corpses gives them a bit of joy.

“I’m sure Stern will find a reason to call me a traitor to the country,” You replied. Your strong opposition of the intelligence agencies earned you a lot of enemies.

“Yeah, well, he’ll — ”

The door had opened and there stood a “Hi, sorry. I, uh, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Bucky stopped at the doorway. He was holding a small bouquet of your favorite flowers and scratched the back of his head, avoiding eye contact.

“Sergeant Barnes,” You smiled. Bucky looked to you, and he’d never seen or heard anything as beautiful. He had heard you say his name a thousand time over, but hearing it in person was just swell.

“Bucky’s jus’ fine, senator,” Bucky returned a toothy grin. You swear you had died and gone to heaven. He was even more beautiful in person.

“Bucky,” There was a shine in your eyes when you said his name. His name sounded so pretty coming from your mouth.

“O-kay,” Winnie chuckled and their eyes bounced between yourself and the soldier, who was just a few feet away from them. “I’ll be back tomorrow to hash out the details,” They turned to look at you and gave you a small peck on your head. “Be careful,” It was a warning.

Bucky stepped into the room, allowing Winnie to easily slip out.

Now that the blood and dirt had been washed out, Bucky could truly admire how striking you were. You were glowing. There were still bruises and healing wounds but they didn’t diminish your beauty.

He set the flowers on the visitor’s chair.

“I wanted to properly thank you and Mr. Wilson for saving my life,” You told him. He took a few more steps towards you. “W-Winnie has a press conference planned once I’m discharged, and there might be a Medal of Freedom in your future, after the Congressional Gold Medal, of course,”

“What?”

“Yeah,” You smiled. “It took a little bit of convincing but the bastard caved eventually,”

Of course you had recommended him, and Sam, for such prestigious awards. It was further proof that he had been vindicated from the dark part of his history. You helped profoundly in his path to finally accepting himself, and for that, he would always love you.

When the nightmares returned, Bucky would rewatch your old speeches for the campaign to pardon him. He felt pathetic — having to listen to a woman he had never met before passionately advocate for his freedom in order to feel better. You saw him as human, worthy of forgiveness.

“I know they’re practically worthless in the age of superheroes, but I thought I would be nice,”

It would be nice. “Thank you,” His smile slowly faded as the conversation took a serious turn. “For everything, the campaign and the pardon and now these medals,” A breathy chuckle escaped. “I...you never attended the ceremony,” He commented on your absence during his pardon. It had plagued his mind for countless nights.

“I wasn’t invited,” You chuckled at the irony of it — having spent months working for his freedom only to not be present to watch it happen. “A picture leaked of me at a protest in college and they thought it would be too controversial for me to attend,” You shrugged it off.

Ensuring Bucky’s freedom was all that mattered. Your acknowledgement was not important to you in the greater scope of things.

“I’ll make sure you get invited this time,” Maybe you could give a speech before he’s awarded the medal. He could finally be present to hear you praise him.

Bucky’s eyes lingered on your lips. Your nervousness returned. There was a distinct look in his eyes that terrified and excited you all the same.

“Senator, time for your medication,” A nurse entered the room and pushed a cart with her. There was an IV set, some pills, and a cup of water on the cart and all that medicine made Bucky feel anxious.

He was well aware of the dangers of so much medicine and he was scared. He couldn’t afford to lose you now. Not when he finally has you within his grasp.

“The pills help with the pain and the IV gives me nutrients,” You noted the panicked look on Bucky’s face when he saw the cart. “Or so they claim,” You looked at the nurse, who was not entertained by your accusatory comment.

“I should head out,” Bucky nodded. “And allow your drugs to be administered in peace,” You laughed, and he was quite proud of that.

Feeling bolder, Bucky took a few final steps toward you. You offered your hand and he lightly held your wrist, stilled bruised, and bowed down to kiss your hand. It was a small and sweet gesture, but it left you an absolute mess. You held your breath and felt your heart in your throat.

Bucky admired you once more before leaving the room. He nearly memorized how you radiated in spite of the harsh cold white light that illuminated the hospital. In that moment, he was certain you’d be his.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #marvel imagine #winter solider x y/n #marvel one shot

79 notes · View notes

cadykeus-clay · 3 years

Note

Would you mind sharing your thoughts about vex and Beau being cross campaign foils?

so!!!! first things first: apologies for taking weeks to answer this, finals + having adhd sometimes makes my brain turn to mush and forget every ask ive ever recieved. second of all, i’m assuming you sent me this bc of what i said in my vm vs. m9 how they view the world meta. and i’ll be real with you. i have exactly 0 memory of what was going through my head when i wrote that line, so i am simply going to type out a bunch of thoughts that i have on the similarities and differences between beau and vex and i hope that lives up to what you were expecting jsdflksjdksld

I'll detail some specifics in a moment, but overall, I think beau and vex share a very similar kind of trauma of exclusion in their formative years, that's caused them to have a lot of similar traits that manifest in different ways - for vex, she maintains control through her material posessions and beau finds an emotional control in her asshole-ness. I've broken this down into 5 points on which I think comparing the two really emphasizes that claim:

1. daddy issues: both beau and vex have awful no good terrible very bad dads. both syldor and thoreau can suck my ass. they both raised their kids with little love and impossible-to-meet expectations, alientating them and leaving them with lifelong feelings of inferiority and unbelonging. If beau and vex were to meet, i think they would have a very friendly toast to shitty dads, and then have a good drunk vent about it an hour later.

but, at the same time, the actual minutae of their trauma and the ways it manifests are nearly polar opposites. syldor wanted nothing to do with vex, or else wanted her to somehow become a full elf. her issue was that she would never be able to belong, despite her desire to, and as she grew up it lead to her being overly protective and even possessive of the people she found who DID accept her as she was.

With beau, rather than exclusion, her father created an environment of toxic inclusion. He created a role for beau to belong in, disregarding her distate for actually fulfilling it. And, as such, she ended up making herself into someone who could have no expectations and pushed away anyone who tried to set them up for her. In the end, they both came to love themselves by abandoning the woman their father wanted them to be but for vex it was the laying down of an impossible dream and for beau it was the picking up of a mantle she had feared to wear.

2. brothers: now, on the topic of family, I also think its really interesting how their interactions with their brothers play out. We've got vex and vax, tied at the hip til the very end and then some; and then we've got beau and TJ - decades apart and with beau barely acknolwedging TJ's existence. But, even that distance between beau and TJ didn't stop her caring for him when they actually met. She gave him lucky Jade, and she entertained the idea of kidnapping him to get him away from her stinko dad.

And I'd espeically like to talk about what she said outside the hag's hut - "I think Luc and TJ could be best friends", in comparison to the way Vex reacted when Vax told her was going to Zephrah with Keyleth for the year break. There's an aspect to the way they interact with their brothers that lets them slip back into those bad habits they formed growing up (NOT that i'm claiming vex and vax were like toxic for each other. but even good relationships can have unhealthy moments).

With Beau, when she offers to give her happiness so TJ can grow up safe, she's trying to take on the role she's ""supposed"" to fill - the big sister, the protector - because she failed to fill the one her father set out. And with Vex, when she grows jealous of Vax, it's because she's afraid that his leaving with keyleth is a sign that she no longer belongs in his inner circle, and she falls back on that childish, desperate desire to do anything to be accepted unconditionally.

3. romance: spoilers for 5 or so most recent m9 eps (115-120) if you haven't watched them ahead!!!! at this point, both vex and beau have an endgame romance - percy and yasha respectively. Obviously as the m9's campaign is still playing out, that could change, but like. yasha wrote her a love letter and they're officially going on a date so i'm counting that as at least endgame-track rather than just random flirting. What's interesting to me is that they both seem to flip between the SAME roles between their (in-game) general perception and their actual pursual of romance.

Vex gets characterized as a pretty big flirt, right? She's got the winks, the casual "darling". She's flashed grog her boobs on multiple instances with little prompting. Beau, similarly, has easily the most game out of anyone in the m9. She's slept with two guest characters and at least one more npc in the events of the game. Caleb made her a fuck mirror in her room in the mansion. And yet, in both of their actual romantic endeavors, they became the shy, uncertain type.

Vex only confessed her feelings when Percy was laying dead before her, and not an hour of game play before percy kissed her in the woods, she had a talk with vax about how she was pretty sure he didn't like her that way and she didn't want to pursue it. Beau, similarly, spent a very long time convinced that yasha wasn't looking for love after zuala, especially not in anyone like her, asked everyone in the party if they thought yasha ACTUALLY liked her, just to be safe, and then still terrified to ask her out after recieving a literal love letter. I'd argue this shift comes from that same sense of unbelonging - they're very good at pretending they fit a role but doubt their actual right to take it when the opportunity is presented. This time, the role is the lover rather than the daughter.

4. authority: Both vex and beau grew up shunned by the upper crust of society, and grew to mistrust those kinds of people. And yet, both of their arcs result in them assuming such a position. Vex, thrown out of high society gets her place as a baronness, and Beau, running from leadership of her father's business ends up a top member of the Cobalt Soul. There's not a lot here, but I find it interesting how both of their stories involve them shedding their baggage regarding authority and power and assuming it in a way that they feel comfortable in - invitation by someone she trusts for vex, and a promise of freedom of will and control for beau.

5. their deadliest sins: this is the point at which their similarities culminate and transform to a fundamental difference. despite everything they share - shitty childhoods, the small piece of family that's still good, flirtiness masking shy love, and a mistrust of those in power - vex and beau are such different characters because of their biggest vices. Vex, both in game and out, is "the greedy one". She's stingy with money, she haggles for everything, she mourns the loss of physical objects. Beau is "the mean one". She cares little for people's feelings if they're not in her immediate circle, she focuses on her tough guy image, she laughs at things she knows she shouldn't.

And, over the course of the campaign, as they find unconditional acceptance, they grow away from these traits (I won't say they grow out of them) because they heal from the things causing these vices to begin with. I've always been vocal about vex's greed being a manifestation of her class insecurity, and beau's asshole-ness stemming from her fear of being forced back into another position of complacency. And I stand by that now - all the similarities in their backstories are what tally up to these different women.

Despite her careful tally of party funds and her reflexive bargaining, vex is not cruel. she is not angry on her own behalf. She saves two boys from the market in the city of brass at great personal cost, she relinquishes an entire dragon's hoard to the devastated city of Westruun, she took the time to save a baby bear from a cage when she could have just cut and run after escaping her own. She's the first one most people go to when they need a shoulder to cry on, and she's devastated when they don't (thinkin about when Scanlan left). She carved "forgiveness" into the bow she stole from a man after killing him by proclaiming how much she loved someone, because she knew anger had no place in her heart.

And Beau, Beau is a bitch and she's harsh, but she doesn't hoard or protect like vex did. she spends her money without much of a second thought. She pitches in to help her friends buy a ton of glowsticks, and she loves to indulge in material desires like drink and good food and the nicer inn room. She's a member of an organization that's about making knowledge public rather than guarding it. And, though this may be controversial, I think her position with bowlgate of "its not our problem what cali wants to do with it", her long-standing mistrust of their alliance with the bright queen and and more recently with the tomb takers of "i want to go in and talk, rather than assuming they're antagonistic, even if it puts us at a disadvantage" are both examples of this non-possessiveness too - she has no need or desire to get involved in controlling what other people are doing.

so, i guess the general conclusion here is: vex struggles to let go of things, of money, of people. beau struggles to let herself be known in case she gets wrongly interpreted again. they both fight feelings of inadequacy, they both fight the feelings of not belonging, of 'doing it wrong', they fight the perception of them as shitty people because of the shells they hide in despite their absolute hearts of gold. but at the end of the day, vex's story is one of having to lay down what could never be hers so she can carry what is, and beau's story is one of allowing herself to be known so a place can be made for her.

#hope this is what you and that other anon were looking for jdsflkdsajfsaldfsa #critical role #vexahlia #beauregard #long post

44 notes · View notes

satoshi-mochida · 4 years

Link

Rabbit & Bear Studios, a Tokyo-based studio formed by key creators of the Suikoden series, has announced Eiyuden Chronicle: Hundred Heroes, an ambitious new RPG planned for release in fall 2022. A Kickstarter campaign seeking $500,000 USD in funding for a PC release—with a single stretch goal to unlock PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X, and Switch versions (or next-gen Switch, if one is available)—will run from July 27 at 9:00 a.m. PT / 12:00 p.m. ET to August 28. A trailer will also debut when the campaign launches.

Eiyuden Chronicle: Hundred Heroes is led by Suikoden I and II veteran scenario writer Yoshitaka Murayama, alongside series veterans Junko Kawano, Osamu Komuta, and Junichi Murakami. The project marks the first time these four creators have worked on a game together, as well as the first time Murayama and Kawano have collaborated in 25 years.

“The first thing we decided when our members came together was, ‘It’s about time we made a really interesting game that we ourselves want to make,'” project lead Murayama said in a press release. “We chose Kickstarter in order to make an interesting game with the players in mind, hold the rights to the planning, world, and story of the game, all while keeping the fun of the project. Please lend us your support in this new challenge of ours! We promise to create something that heeds the call of your voices.”

Speaking to Gematsu, Murayama shared more information on the game’s similarities to Suikoden and what elements of the series will carry over.

“Eiyuden Chronicle is about war, or more importantly, the intention and feelings of the 100 heroes who fight that war from a variety of perspectives and for a variety of different reasons,” Murayama told Gematsu. “And of course the drama that can only occur when a group of different people from different walks of life come together and must wage a war of life and death.”

Murayama continued, “And the many characters that participate in this war aren’t just pawns added in as ‘war fodder,’ they have a living breathing soul and begrudgingly must fight to protect the things they believe in. Additionally, there are non-combat specialists, researchers, and other ‘heroes’ on the periphery that can help win battles or lose them. Each and every one of them is a living breathing character that the player gives life to through their choices.”

Each character has their own strengths and weaknesses that can be leveraged to help the player form a balanced team.

“Some characters are good are some things and bad at others,” Murayama explained. “But if you combine them with other characters that can strengthen their weaknesses, you can end up with a really balanced team. And based on that delicate balance your team make be more apt at mining or adventuring which will affect the overall game progression loop. One of the core game loops in Eiyuden is to experience the wide variety of different characters and personalities in your 100 person army.

“With each new character your ‘fortress town’ grows in size and ability. It is a key system in the game. As you increase your teammates, some members will be blacksmiths, some chefs and whether on the battlefield or not, each character will play a role in strengthening your resolve as an army. There are guilds that you can join which will largely change the visual make-up of your fortress town and grant different abilities. The more people you recruit, the stronger the snowball effect. As you level up, new trade options appear along with enemies and thieves that randomly attack your town in an effort to impede your progress. You need to make choices whether to strengthen your walls or hasten your progress. Each choice will make every play session feel different and have its own consequences.”

According to Murayama, all of this is “just the tip of the iceberg,” meaning that fans can expect much more to come.

Here is an overview of the game, via Rabbit & Bear Studios:

■ About

Eiyuden Chronicle: Hundred Heroes is an ode to the classic Japanese RPG genre from the PlayStation era that will feature classic Japanese RPG exploration and battles in high-resolution 2.5D graphics, pixel-based characters, a story of war and friendship, a diverse cast of 100 unique heroes to join the protagonist’s endeavor, and a fortress building system to grow their army.

The game will feature a guild system that allows players to change their fortress attributes based on the guild they join. Battles will be turn-based with parties of up to six members and feature dynamic boss battles that change camera angle and rotate depending on the environment.

■ Studio and Staff

Rabbit & Bear Studios

Founded March 26th, 2020 by Yoshitaka Murayama, Rabbit & Bear Studios asks the age old question, what do gamers really want? It’s something we must never forget as creators. To continually focus on giving the fans the experience they really want.

We have created Rabbit & Bear Studios as the first step in realizing that dream and to have the responsibility that comes with it. That’s our core philosophy and we plan to lead by our actions.

Staff

Story: Yoshitaka Murayama (Suikoden, Suikoden II, The Alliance Alive)

Character Design: Junko Kawano (Suikoden, Suikoden IV, Arca Last)

System Design and Direction: Osamu Komuta (Suikoden Tierkreis, Suikoden Tactics, Arca Last)

Art Direction and Production: Junichi Murakami (Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow, OZ)

Composers: Michiko Naruke (Wild Arms series), Motoi Sakuraba (Tales of series), and more.

■ Story

Welcome to the Continent of Allraan

“Our story begins in one corner of Allraan, a tapestry of nations with diverse cultures and values.

By dint of sword, and by way of magical objects known as “rune-lenses,” the land’s history has been shaped by the alliances and aggressions of the humans, beastmen, elves, and desert people who live there.

The Galdean Empire has edged out other nations and discovered a technology that amplifies the rune-lenses’ magic. Now, the Empire is scouring the continent for an artefact that will expand their power even further.

It is on one such expedition that Seign Kesling, a young and gifted imperial officer, and Nowa, a boy from a remote village, meet each other and become friends.

However, a twist of fate will soon drag them into the fires of war, and force them both to reexamine everything they believe to be right and true.”

■ Characters

Nowa (Default Name)

Sex: Male

Age: 17 years old

Home: A remote village in the League of Nations

Favorite Food: Anything with meat in it

“That’s who I am. A meddler. Always will be—just ask Leene. So don’t tell me to do nothing. I may not be able to help them, but I have to at least try.”

When the League of Nations recruits warriors to assist in a joint expedition with the Galdean Empire, our protagonist answers the call and leaves his remote village to test his skills. On the mission, he finds an ancient rune-lens, unaware that the discovery will spark a war between the League and the Empire. After the conflict begins, he joins a unit in the League’s border guard.

The protagonist is the “leap before you look” type. He doesn’t always weigh the pros and cons before springing to action, and while his constant need to involve himself in other people’s problems sometimes creates headaches for his companions, they like him for it and know his heart is in the right place. After all, if they ever got into trouble, he’d be the first person there.

Seign Kesling

Sex: Male

Age: 18 years old

Home: A noble house in the Galdean Empire

Favorite Food: Poached eggs

“I can dream all I want, but it won’t change a thing. The world is not that kind. So if the only way to achieve my ideals is to betray them first, then I will do that—unflinchingly. You have my word.”

The second-born son to House Kesling, a powerful imperial family. His older brother died on the battlefield. Seign is exceptionally gifted; after achieving outstanding grades at military academy, he was placed in command of a company of his peers and sent on the expedition to find the ancient rune-lens. During the mission, he meets the protagonist. The two warm to each other as they overcome adversity, and they learn of one another’s ambitions.

Seign’s strategic mind allows him to analyze things from a broad perspective and make sound decisions. People often confuse his clear mind for a cold heart, but he is guided by strong ideals and a deep passion to fulfill them.

After his brother’s death during a border rebellion, Seign began to think long and hard about what it means to fight.

Marisa

Sex: Female

Age: 16 years old

Profession: One of the Guardians who watches over the forest

Favorite Food: Herbed chicken

“You just leave the forest to me. I know where the water springs, where the rabbits burrow—and most importantly, where your enemies will try to hide.”

A young member of the Guardians, a clan that hallows and protects the forest. Since Marisa was very little, her family has instilled their ways and traditions in her. She has a warm, affable smile—except on the battlefield, where she wears the countenance of a warrior.

Although the Guardians live as one with the forest, they have respect for the outside world’s culture and technology, and they are not against integrating the parts of it that make sense to them. Marisa is particularly forward-thinking in this regard, and loves new things—especially cute things.

Over the generations, the Guardians have developed a unique method of wielding the rune-lenses. For that reason, both the Empire and the protagonist try to win them over to their camp. Whom the Guardians choose will prove to be a major turning point in history.

Melridge

Sex: Male

Age: 27 years old

Profession: A scholar of natural history

Favorite Food: Duck soup

“You should lay down arms and surrender. That’s the quickest way to end this… No? Very well. Then I suppose I’ll provide you with the next best thing: a winning strategy.”

A young scholar who specializes in natural history. He yearns to know of every last thing in the world, and exactly how it got there. He also happens to be a genius tactician, and will be a valuable asset to the protagonist.

That said, he views warfare as the most pointless of all human endeavors, and any personal contributions to it as a complete waste of time.

Garr

Sex: Male

Age: 32 years old

Profession: Warrior in a clan of mercenaries

Favorite Food: Pancakes slathered with whipped cream

“Only a soft-brained leader runs headlong into danger. Anyone who knows what’s good for him will tell you you’ve lost it, kid. But not me. If blaze-of-glory’s your thing, count me in. We all die in the end. Might as well make it interesting.”

A veteran beastman warrior. He and his clan make their living as mercenaries, and their vast experience and sheer brutality put them in high demand. War is all Garr has known, and to him life is one battlefield after the other until you die.

When a conflict breaks out, every army wants as many beastmen as they can afford. Because mercenary contracts are made with individuals and not the entire clan, it is not uncommon for Garr and his fellow beastmen to face each other as enemies in the field.

Lian

Sex: Female

Age: 16 years old

Home: A martial arts dojo

Favorite Food: Super-spicy ramen

“Uhh, maybe I’m dumbing this down a little, but—like—if a bunch of arrogant swine strut into YOUR home and started acting like they owned the place, what would YOU do? ‘Cause there’s your answer.”

After the Empire’s forces invade League lands, Lian is infuriated and runs away from home…without even the slightest semblance of a plan. She decides the first thing to do is hoof it to the biggest town she can find, and luckily that’s where she meets the protagonist and his companions.

Lian was born in a dojo, and her father wasted no time in teaching her. She was doing roundhouse kicks before she even learned to walk properly.

Mio

Sex: Female

Age: 27 years old

Home: The Far East

Favorite Food: Bamboo-wrapped sasa dumplings

“The road you walk is one, and yet its endpoints are myriad. You can still choose where the road takes you.”

A swordswoman who is journeying to perfect the way of the blade. She has a stoic personality and rarely speaks, unless it’s to challenge someone she views as a worthy opponent.

When she does open her mouth to say something, it’s straight to the point and usually dripping with wisdom, so the people around her have taken to calling her “sensei.” However, even the greatest of senseis do have the occasional brain fart…

■ World

The Waterstead of Quinja

The Seaside Cavern

Watch a gameplay teaser video below. View the first screenshots and artwork at the gallery.

youtube

#Eiyuden Chronicle: Hundred Heroes #Eiyuden Chronicle #Rabbit & Bear Studios #RPG #PS5 #Xbox Series X #Nintendo Switch #Steam #Gematsu #long post

81 notes · View notes

thedankfaerie · 4 years

Text

i am posting this here because i am tired of burdening my boyfriend with my feelings. this is a little nsfw. and this is my call for help. i dont know who to talk to anymore about this.

i need someone to hear what i feel

or at least, a free space to say what i feel

im in a low place. i feel so awful about myself and my body and i hate this feeling. i hate that this time last year, i was so happy about the way i looked. i was working this awful job that had me so overworked and overtired and poorly treated that i skipped meals and slept through meals regularly... i lost so much weight from stress in just a year and was the skinniest i had ever been. mentally, i was not in a good place being exploited by my managers... but my self esteem re: my body was at a new level i never knew could exist for me.

last year, i felt powerful and confident about my body, and i expressed that through sexuality. i was fucking my ex that i still liked (i grew out of wanting him back, but he never did, and it was nice to have the upper hand). i was also fucking an old fwb that i stayed friends with, that was also recently single, so we reunited again at the perfect time. i was also seeing this one guy (now my boyfriend) so if ever i got tired of the sex i at least was able to calm down and settle down with someone who genuinely wanted to know me. of course, i ended up catching feelings for this guy, and cut off the other two to pursue something more serious (we are now dating and are moving in together next month!) anyways, it was so nice to be wanted. to feel... i guess sexy? sex is empowering. and it shouldn’t be taboo to say that as a woman, or anyone really. i dont want to give off the message that a woman’s validation is fueled by men’s desire - but hey, don’t you feel flattered when someone thinks you’re attractive? desire and lust aren’t everything... but they matter. and they have an impact on how you feel about yourself, whether or not you believe me when i say that is up to you.

and i hate that i would gladly put myself through the stress that i did just to feel happy about my body. before the summer ended, i finally had enough and i quit my shitty job. i was jobless for a month, but was able to enjoy the rest of the summer with my new ‘skinny’ body - last year i took my first bikini picture ... a 2 piece! i have never done that. i still think about how happy i was that summer to look and feel good about myself.

i have struggled with self esteem issues since highschool. i always felt like i was too big. i used to follow all these blogs of pretty people and try to copy their poses to feel pretty and i used to spend hours after school trying on short dresses and clothes to stare at my body in the mirror. i used to starve myself to the point of literally wanting to faint on the daily, until finally i admitted it to one of my teachers. she respectfully asked if i wanted to speak with the school guidance counsellor, and i declined. but she encouraged me to speak up to at least a friend, so i did, and it helped, and for a long time, i was okay. after i graduated that teacher still checked up on me for a few years every now and again.

4th year university was when i realized how much i had let myself go. i was the heaviest i had ever been, it was my graduating year, i was looking for a job and was always worried about my grades. every time i was stressed or every time i needed to study i bought pad thai and bubble tea. a ritual. i didnt realize how much that had caught up to me until i saw old pictures of myself. at this point, i started my (shitty) job, straight out of graduation.

i actively avoided scales, i didn’t like looking at the number because it just made me upset. and i already felt upset looking in the mirror, i didn’t need something else to make me upset. but i did. and i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in highschool - the heaviest i had ever been.

i cried.

i didnt do much about it. i was too busy. my first job out of uni was a brand new daycare and i was head teacher of a toddler class - also i was the only staff on floor since there were not as many kids. there was nobody to train me, at all. i had to teach myself everything. i had no time.

a little while before starting the job, i met this guy. he was so hot, but such a dick - we had a “thing” but it was so toxic. he started off interested in me, but i turned him down. his attitude changed and he started being a douche, but we became friends because we were seeing each other so often. i didn’t have a car yet. he was driving me everywhere. he lived 5 minutes away. he was the type of friend that would text me “im outside, lets go out”. we hung out as friends at first, we would have “study dates”, until we started hooking up. we acted like a thing but he denied we were ever one - but got mad at me whenever i tried to look elsewhere. but i guess in that time, it was nice to be wanted, especially by someone so attractive.

but again, a year in that shithole job went by fast. i would stay late after work. i would come in on weekends. i was expected to not only help new kids transition, but train new partners. and given that my supers refused to support me, i watched a lot of people quit due to pressure. i had to keep retraining. and kids kept coming. that never stopped. i can honestly say my class wasn’t settled until december, and i started in september. everyday it was ‘its fine, it will get better’.

a year in that shithole, with 0 support, and i lost all the weight i gained - and more. i was the skinniest i had ever been. even in highschool. i looked at old pictures of myself from when i started the job at my heaviest. i couldnt believe that was me. and i was so happy looking at myself in the mirror. for once!

after i quit that job, i started another job that i hoped would be a happy ending.

and it wasn’t. it stressed me out just as much. i also moved out by this point, a month after i started this job. my hours are whack. 7-9, 11:30-6. i woke up early and got home late. i never had free time. my last shift at my old job was 7-3:30 and i had the whole day to myself. im someone that needs social interaction and alone time, and by the time i got home i was so tired, i would just cook, clean, shower, and go to bed. and that was my life. sometimes i would get so tired that i couldn’t cook, i just went and ate out. i tried to make personal time with my friends after work but by the time i reached their house, it was late, and places were closed. and id have to leave early anyways because i had work early the next day... so fast food was the only way to make this work. on top of this, this was the most difficult class that i had ever had. the kids behaviours’ were so difficult and i couldn’t handle it. i would cry in my car 3x a week. i would cry 4 minutes before my shift starts in the washroom and walk out and pretend i was okay. i would have my boyfriend come over as much as i could just so i could cry in his arms. i couldnt leave this job because i had just moved out and having a consistent rent payment was a huge responsibility for me. as well, if you know anything about ECEs in canada, just know we make shit pay. but this job pays me better than most ECE jobs... by a landslide. AND gives me benefits, which is so hard to find. i am still at this job - i was at my breaking point at the time covid started, so i was rejoicing when we closed for covid. i havent worked since march, but i needed that time off so desperately.

with that being said, i gained the weight back.

not everything, but i definitely could tell i was packing on some pounds.

cue covid.

i havent worked since march. i fell back into a lazy routine of ordering fast food. lying in bed. resting. just enjoying NOT dealing with my difficult class.

but i gained it all back. and i think im back at my heaviest weight. i picked up all my summer clothes from last year from my moms... half of them dont fit me. my favourite pair of shorts won’t close. i just sat and cried in a mess of clothes on my floor in front of the mirror. this was last week.

im trying to tell myself, ‘you’re in the middle of a global pandemic, go easy on yourself’... but do you know what it’s like to finally get what you’re chasing, and have it be taken away from you? i finally had a taste of what it was like to look AND feel good about myself. something ive wanted since i was a teenager...and it’s gone. it’s my fault and i accept that, so please don’t tell me i did this to myself. i know i did. but i can still be upset about it. i look in the mirror and i try to suck my stomach in and pretend nothing changed but its not the same. i see old pictures of myself, especially that bikini pic. ironically, i captioned it “i will never have the confidence to take a bikini pic again”... and here we are. i look at the clothes i wore last year and remember how fucking good i felt wearing them. i try putting them back on and seeing my stomach bulging and my arms looking fat and my love handles, something i didn’t see last year. and i just take them off and opt to wear something frumpier that doesnt hug my figure.

i try to tell people about how i feel but i cant take those ‘love yourself and all your flaws’ campaigns seriously. i dont think i can listen to another ‘you have to just keep faking it until you make it and if u just tell urself ur beautiful u will feel beautiful!’

because if you’re me, you know you cant kid yourself. if you’re me you can’t ‘love every flaw’. you fixate on them. and you let them define you. and if youre me, flaws are all you see.

i hate myself for getting back to this point.

i have a very supportive boyfriend that knows about all this, who is trying to actively get me to go on runs with him. we are trying to go for walks more and be out and about. he reminds me of little things, like if we are getting bubbletea he will suggest i go with less sugar. he is trying, we are trying. and i appreciate him so much.

today i complained in my car about this to my boyfriend, again. for the millionth time. and he still was supportive. but i just feel like i cant keep doing this to him. he said something today, which i think was him trying to give me a reality check to show me that i cant just wish i could starve myself and overwork myself to lose weight and call it a day... but it stung. he said “i don’t want to be with someone that’s not healthy. i have standards too” and i realized then he deserves so much better than to fucking babysit my complaining ass. i am 24. and i shouldnt be putting this on him. he is an adult with problems just as real as mine and i shouldnt be burdening him with this anymore.

im scared to talk to him about how that comment made me feel, because he’s so right, and he has every right to leave me. i would honestly. the amount that i worry and fixate on all my flaws and complain and have crying breakdowns about this is not fucking normal. and it shouldnt be his problem. i just want him to be with someone that doesnt give him this baggage. he met me in my ‘prime’ days when i just started getting my skinny body last year. when we finally started dating, we were super sexually active. and i mean, having sex like 15 times a week. im not kidding. now we havent had sex in almost an entire month. i dont feel sexy anymore and its impacting my sex drive.. he tries to start it with me and i just can’t because i feel like he is probably repulsed by my body. this is a huge huge huge problem, seeing as sex was a huge part of our relationship (we are very emotionally in tune with one another, but sex was a great addon because we both love it so much). i hate the way i look without clothes on. i cant bring myself to do it because it makes me feel like shit about myself.

but we are moving in together next month. and that is a huge step. and i am worried that i will never change, and he’s going to feel like he’s stuck with me because he’s moving 40 minutes away from his hometown to live with me. i almost want us to break up so he can be with someone with less baggage but i also love him and i want to be better for him and for us.

someone please help me.

#help #lol

3 notes · View notes

paulwalltran · 4 years

Text

Dungeons and Dragons Loneliness

Another interview with lofi music. Today was a pretty shitty day, alot on my mind. Here to unload.

Today’s mood: Fuck it all...

It’s a mad addiction, a horrendous one. It’s all I think about, it’s all I want to talk about. Or almost anything fantasy related. I’ve recently gotten a little closer with one of my co workers. Delerner Banks, everyone calls him Del. He’s always in the tunnel, and always brings warhammer books to read and do work (whatever it is he’s working on.) We talk about fantasy related things all the time, and sometimes we bounce ideas off each other, feeling out our thoughts of settings and lore. Talking to him about some fantasy before leaving work made me feel alot better. The loneliness inside has been eating at me.

I know it’s salt, I know its jealousy, that I’m mad at my friends. They been hanging out more without me, playing cards and shit. Its not a passion of mine, its fun sometimes, but its still not me. Its what they bond over, its what they do together, and that’s what theyre into. If I had to guess, they’re okay with Dungeons and Dragons, but even my best friend said that I take it too serious. Its fallen out of their favor, it eats up a lot of time, and they each have their version of what a fun campaign would be like. In me, I said to myself, “Fine, fuck it. I’ll have to assemble another crew to play with.” Tough situation then isn’t it? Wanting to play a social game that needs bodies, during an age where social gatherings are frowned upon, because they carry a potential to spread a virus... Still, this is what I want to do. I want a group of friends, who share the same passion I do. My current friends must think ill of me, they may just want to hang out. They think that if they come hang with me, I’ll want a game of DnD without a doubt. They just want to chill and kick it, they don’t want to roll dice. But ask me once and I’ll tell you yes twice, to playing DnD.

I love it with all my heart, all of the contents and materials are here, ready to play. No extra investments, no money needed to be spent, we can get going off of nothing like we did back then. A table top roleplaying game, we started with cardboard and lego figures, and just two books to share. But there was fun to be had, and a few heated sessions. But fun it was, the more we played the deeper i grew fond of the game. I’m even willing to experiment with other systems if I have someone to guide me. With cards, you gotta constantly update your arsenal to keep up with the meta, and let’s be real, not playing anything remotely close to meta isn’t as fun. Different formats allow different decks, and to keep current you gotta keep up. I dont have the fundings for it, I dont have the luck. I would rather buy a module that’ll last for years, versus a pack of cards. I have two books that have skyrocketed in value, cards go up and down like stocks. But thats the appeal I suppose, I don’t care for it though.

Back to the thing at hand, I’m in their group chat as they make plans. I can’t be there for all that. But fuck it, that’s all Im going to say. Fuck it, on repeat, until its engraved into my head. Pride is getting the best of me, I refused to be denied again. If it’s not something they want to do, so be it, I need to look out for me in the end. I must muster up the courage to start playing online again, the first one wasn’t bad, but it fell apart. I need to get the courage to be social, and get over the fear that everyone expects you to be a pro player. I’m scared going into this green still, roll20 isn’t my forte. But if I want to play DnD, this seems to be my only option. It may fulfill my wish, to find friends who are just as passionate as I. My other friends, they’re over on the other side. Its fine, it truly is, they have one another, and I need to be strong. I need to find the strength in this loneliness, even though its tearing me apart. My circle becomes smaller, thats just the way of the world. Adapt to survive, be formless like water...

Dungeons and Dragons, my greatest escape. I can be anybody, and do things I normally can’t. I can clobber up bad guys, indecent folk, and finesse my way out of punishment from the law. I can save a village, a town, a kingdom, when I can hardly save myself. I can fly, cast spells, break locks, imagination is my only limit. I can hoard and amass vast amounts of riches, I myself can even become a dragon. I don’t have to be me, although a bit of me resides in everyone I’ve made before. I can never truly separate myself, from those Ive breathed life into. For hours on end, I can go anywhere, do anything, I melt into the world thats placed before me.

Because the reality is that I’m practically shit, and nobody. The world is fucked up and jacked up and spiraling down the drain. I’m mentally fucked and my physicality is pretty much the same. I’m stuck in place when the world is demanding me to change. I lost with no real direction. No map in hand, no guide, and I’m scared out of my mind. I don’t know whether to trust the process or commit suicide. Im not sure where I’ll end up, if it’s good or bad. Im struggling, I’m suffering, and there seems to be no end. I could say I’m trying, but I would be lying, if I had to look at the brighter side. The positive things in life are so hard to identify. But my emotions are raw and hit hard, slamming against the walls in my skull. Demanding me to give them attention...and attention I give them, as they tear me up. Like being pulled at by the limbs, drawn and quartered is the method it seems like today. I was thinking that I couldn’t drink forever, my body would eventually reject. But what if I drank energy drinks on end, a heart attack to get me out of this place. I can down those all day long, so whats stopping me from taking that way out of it? Less grotesque and violent, it’ll probably be painful as hell. An organ seizing up, as the body ceases the function. I get said thinking about it sometimes, but one day, enough will be enough. But damn that lady...damn her for speaking those words... Tomorrow. If nothing is better by tomorrow, then do as you may. But sleep it off, tomorrow is another day.

It’s not verbatim, but its the gist. Just wait for tomorrow, and hopefully things will change. The choice is still mine to make, and something in me pushes me forward, keeps me going on. Sometimes I think about who I’m leaving behind, and maybe how much it’ll hurt. The evil darkness inside me says that they’ll get over it, they have to, and time doesn’t wait. I won’t be immortalized, I’ll simply end up a statistic. That maybe itll be a few years the sadness remains fresh, but wounds always heal. Discrediting my actual existence, and any form of relations. Like I wouldn’t have made any actual impressions, people don’t weep for me now. People kind of forget I exist already, what makes me think they won’t after I’m gone?

I think about my folks, my grandma, my girlfriend, my second family, and other close dear friends. I think about how many last will letters I would have to put out there, before I call for the curtains. Sometimes, I say I will start writing them, but they give me pause. I end up not wanting to leave this world, after pouring out my heart. Because I don’t want to leave any questions behind for people who matter, I want them to know how I felt before I passed. I want to leave with them apart of me, so they would never forget.

Still it doesn’t change, shit is rough as of lately, work has been eating me up. I feel like Im never hundred percent, and me back on gaming is making it worst. I’ve gotten back onto Elder Scrolls Skyrim, its been my virtual version of DnD. Waiting for the Outer World Expansion, so I can get addicted to that again. All I want to do is play Dungeons and Dragons, the question is how do I make that into a living? I think being a Matthew Mercer is one in a million, I don’t think I’m that great. I’m willing to learn, grow, evolve because it is my passion, but I’m always scared of making mistakes. To be one of the greater Dungeon Masters, to be THE Wizards of the Coast Dungeon Master, it may possibly be the dream. To eat, sleep, breathe, Dee en Dee. My obsession isn’t that crazy though, I’m still behind on the lore of creatures and settings, I haven’t studied at all. But with the right drive and motivation, I would, especially with something as real as a legit group.

Enthusiastic players, who show up every week, bi weekly, once every month even, to play this fantastic game. Group of chill folks who is willing to take the Dungeon Master Mantle with I get burned out and have the desire to be in the player seat. One of those is the driving force, they make me want to plan. They make me want to make the world, the style, everything in general better, with the constructive feedback. I mean it’s been so long as I was a player in a campaign until the end, I’m beginning to think paying for a Dungeon Master wouldn’t be so bad. Once a month? A couple of hours? I mean I’m thinking like seven USD per hour? Eight isn’t bad, but after that it becomes a questionable amount. It repeats in my head, “No DnD is better than Bad DnD”, this much is probably still true. I say still because I still might want at least one session with said game, so I can at least say it was the worst after having attempt it, rolling something. Ha ha, I kid myself, I’m lying because I know the rage would be all to real and caution is my game most of the time. But I mean, I just might have to start exploring the idea, I was definitely going to ask on FaceBook if any Roll20 games was recruiting a newbie.

Alas, today won’t be the last time I speak on the matter, Dungeons and Dragons haunt me everyday. I stare at minis, I stare at the upcoming books and modules, and I watch youtube where they tell RPG Horror Stories, Its become a huge part of my life, such as dancing once was. It almost links right into my earliest talents...writing. I love to write, just like I’m doing now. Im fairly decent at the writing game if I must say. Hey, real life failed Bard here, I should make one who always ends up playing big bro, and end up being friendzoned by all his interests. Im short, so Halfling is very true. Am I charismatic? Who knows, I can’t say for sure. But yes, I feel like this is what I need, a solid weekly game, maybe once every two weeks, hell, once every month would still be great. Something to look forward to the very least, in this life of routine and mundane. Something to look forward to for me, something that’s my own. Something I don’t need my closer friends to be apart of, since they’re not interested anyhow. I’m really talking shit because I’m hella salty, but at least I’m being upfront. Get it all out now, before the typing is done.

It’s been a productive session, I may have to attribute it to Lofi it seems. The Lofi Hip Hop Radio on YouTube, also found on Spotify. Some tracks still strike me deep in the chest, giving me horrible flash backs and feeling in my chest. Others keep me going, forward, almost propelling. I’m currently training myself to be accustomed to the sounds, because I at first was very scared. That it would just transport me to a dark place and keep me there. I’ve been trying to confront my feelings more with this music, I think I felt better after last session like this. The more I faced myself, the better I became. Yes, I most definitely referenced Persona 4, another amazing and loved title because of the message it portrays. I always wondered what my shadow self would look like, and what they would say. But eh another time, I’m about to start rambling again. I have to conclude here, before I get off topic.

Until next time Tumblr...

1 note · View note