#ive been going back and forth on this for MONTHS because i have a huge emotional attachment to this blog plus ive had it for like five yrs

[thestobingirlie]

honestly you are my favorite place to complain about r/nance.

Theres this steddie fic ive been reading for a while, and it was never tagged r/nance at the start, it's just been introduced later in. and I can deal with minor r/nance as long as it doesn't play much into the story. but the way its been dealt with in this fic.

in this fic robin avoids spending time with steve for weeks, I'm pretty sure its well over a month, when she starts dating nancy. like she'll only spend time with steve at work or if its in a group, and even at work she wont talk to him much. steve obviously feels hurt and has the whole self esteem issues of what if I'm a burden/ she doesn't want me any more.

Then she only spends time with steve again because eddie told her that steve seemed lonely without her. she uses the excuse of not telling him about her and nance because they didn't want to "hurt him", and gives a half assed apology. Then Steve ends up being the one to comfort robin because she keeps calling herself a bad friend and a horrible person without even looking at why steve was hurt, and he just forgives her.

And it just bugs me because it feels like these authors don't understand a thing about steve or robin. robin wouldn't spend so long choosing nance over steve and give the poorest of apologies, and steve wouldn't accept an apology like that, or at least wouldn't let it go back to 100% ok, because he would feel too hurt to go back to their normal friendship.

thank you <3 i will always be a safe place to complain about random shit. i love complaining.

i hate when fics have untagged ships. like i get it if it’s not important enough to actually tag the relationship, but at least tag background r//nance.

god, that enrages me and i’m not even reading it lol. i hate when the wronged party ends up having to comfort the person that treated them like shit. i like the characters to grovel.

yeah, the idea that robin could go more then two days without chit-chatting to steve is insane. they would literally start going through withdrawal.

i’ve made a huge post about this before, but it always astounds me when people have characters treat steve like shit and he’s just fine with it. like, yeah, he doesn’t have much self-worth, and so on and so forth. but he literally dumped his best friends for being cunts. he isn’t gonna allow everyone around him to treat him like utter shit. steve’s still a bitchy mean girl at heart, and if people are being pricks, he’ll lash out. we’ve all seen it.

and that’s not even getting into the r//nance of it all. robin treats him like shit, and is dating his ex??? steve would fake his death and leave town or some shit so everyone feels bad for mistreating him lmao.

no but seriously. stop treating steve like shit 2023

also!!! the fact that eddie had to be the one to tell robin to start spending time with steve again? ugh.

#stobin #steve harrington #robin buckley #anti ronance #eddie munson #stranger things #asks #anon #st fic critiques

[compacflt]

hey i just wanted to thank you so much for all of WIP Wednesdays and other insights into your writing process (from tags to answering asks) that you've posted so far. i'm a huge fan of wwgattai and debriefing, and everything new that you post is so wonderful. the amount of work that you've put into this is astounding, and the results (from what i've been able to read and otherwise glean so far) are incredible. all of this to say - i love your writing, i love to hear about the writing process and your thoughts on the characters and the universe. it's really special to be able to read and follow along, so thank you so much

(also i have not ever had a fic alter my brain chemistry the way that this has. the fic has had me in its tractor beam since october - literally cannot stop thinking about it, truly some amazing stuff)

ugh this ask means so much to me, thank you. i could talk about the process for this fic for literal years, mostly because it is the bane of my actual existence!!!!!! i was not supposed to care about this series at all!!! ‘when we get around to talking about it’ was originally just a 10k one-shot bouncing back and forth between charlie & ice’s povs as they try to figure out their equally extremely fraught and difficult relationships with maverick. the “we” in the title was supposed to be mav and charlie! it was originally more about mav’s relationship with women than it was about ice’s relationship with men—obviously that idea didn’t pan out! (it’s why there’s so much residual sexism in the story actually, i was originally trying to highlight the differences between ice & charlie as men and women… mav’s sexism in the original top gun is my least favorite thing about that movie and it really stuck with me) & ‘debriefing’ started out as just extra dumb little one-shots that didn’t make it into wwgattai (specifically just venice & the smoking weed scene) with no connective tissue whatsoever to the original fic. like. both fics were written out of order and without an outline, which… is why trying to fix their gigantic structural issues is such a bitch for me right now.

i can trace back every problem im having with the story back to one (1) day (august 14th) when i wrote both wwgattai chapters 7 and 8 without planning or thinking about the consequences of certain actions. i don’t want to get too deep in the weeds but there are so many mistakes i made that day that ive been paying for for months (for instance, the factual inaccuracy of ice & mav’s fucked-up ranks, the soft squishy landing of pulling roosters papers, CHOOSING TO MAKE ICE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT [because i hadn’t seen TGM for two months at that point & forgot what happened in the movie], not actually going into what it means for ice to be at the top of the american war machine, not bothering to ask how it’s even possible that one motherfucker can be this far up his own ass for thirty fucking years…) idk. like, when i wrote 90% of this fic i didn’t care about it, but now i… really do. idk why, but i really do. and im paying for the mistakes i made when i didn’t. which is why the edit is taking so long.

but stuff like this keeps me going :’) thank you <3

#this fic is the longest thing ive ever completed #i have a big problem with starting stuff and never finishing it #so maybe that’s why it means so much to me: it’s proof that i can do it #and maybe that i can do it again someday #i never write fanfic usually original stuff #so this has been such an interesting and fulfilling experience for me #…except that i can’t show anyone in my real life because it’s top gun fanfic #so it’s a give and take #holding it in my hands though. That was probably what did it. That’s probably when I started caring about it. #like oh shit. i did this #it’s a powerful feeling #anyway im rambling the way i always do #that’s how these fics got so fucking long #i always have too much to say. #thanks for the ask :) #asks #edts notes

[csmeaner]

Clearing some stuff up Regarding the co-owning situation with Saphir, she didn't fucking "whine and beg" for the chow back. The chow in question is Blueberry Boba.

That chow was with her through 2 different owners, first to Lotus, who offered co-ownership of some of their chows to various ftos, including Blueberry Boba to Saphir, and then went to StudioCute, who agreed to continue to co-own with her. StudioCute posted an ad for resale stating explicitly "Please note there is a co-owner on this sylph" (the sales post was deleted after), and sold them to cryptidcreep, at the time called voltsoda, or "Lune".

However, Lune did not enjoy the idea of co-ownership, and literally the first thing they messaged Saphir was about they wanted to try and make Saphir's design and story of Astrid (chow's name) a seperate oc out of chows, then sylphlings, and said they prefer "a sylph with a clean slate". However, according to the chow rules, once a redesign is made, even if it's one for fun, they are bound to that character and you cannot void a single design.

This almost got Saphir banned for even trying, so Saphir had to use Astrid privately and not share them anywhere anymore. Because of the lack of co-ownership rules in the server, the mods did nothing to help despite Saphir having been with them and developing them for months before StudioCute needed funds.

The server still hasn't implemented co-owner rules, and I think this incident has kind of stopped most co-ownership cases as they pretty much seized until one case popping up recently with someone else outside the server.

So Lune carried on with using their character but eventually started putting them in a sales channel complaining they couldn't connect, to which Saphir's friends, without Saphir's knowledge, approached them asking for what kind of things they were looking for in trade.

People were pissed at Lune, and a bunch of people knowing Saphir's situation started offering in response, but Lune was really picky and back and forth with the ones talking to them, even going to try and make a huge trade chain with people in the sales channel before some people said it would make it confusing and uncomfortable. They were only really interested in 2 chows, one of them was 400euros (Snow owl, named Polaris at the time), and the other was Lilypad who was more on par of the value; blueberry boba was around 180 euros at the time.

Saphir's friend decided to do it anyway and in turn gifted Blueberry Boba back to Saphir as a surprise. chowlingspecies.com /character/C-128/ownership you can see the ownership logs here. I will also submit screens to prove as much as this as I can considering some things were deleted. Hope this clears things up.

PMs to Saphir

Lune's Sales post

Others upset at Lune's selfish behaviour, names hidden for their own privacy, taken from an old side server made by some chowling community members

Only salvage of StudioCute's sale post

Discussion with Lune for trades

Proof Lune/Voltsoda is Cryptidcreep

ill be real im about to go to sleep so this in on the queue and i did not read it because i didn't get any of the screeshots to try sending it again and i'll get to it when i wake up maybe

update: got the screenshots so ive edited this post to include them. im will admit i don't remember the initial 'side' people were on for this but I will be reblogging this with the proper screenshots so people can look them over and come to their own conclusions.

#chowlings #screenshots #proof

[system-of-a-feather]

You seem like you’re going through a lot of good things lately and I’m so happy for you. I wish you only the best and I hope you see even more good things, even if you have to fight for it. You’re doing amazing

Hell yeah honestly. We're currently in a life transition place and so I was really occupied sorting out and processing A through L of life and the transitions, while XIV's been dealing with T-Z and the both of us have been passing notes and counsel back and forth when we have the bandwidth and only now that I got in my hometown and am DONE with school that I had bandwidth to look over at XIV's recovery projects / problems and just double take like "okay dumb hoe wait you have such a wrong perspective on this" *smacks with folded fan*

Cause honestly at this point I genuinely don't think there is anything that between him and I - with the support of the rest of the system - that we COULDNT figure out and dude was like "I honestly do not have any inspiration or clue of a plan on how to tactically address this that I haven't tried or genuinely believe on an intuitive level as working"

And I was just like "........ YEAH DUMB BITCH CAUSE TRAUMAS KEPT ME OFF THE CHESS BOARD UNTIL LIKE A WEEK AGO WHAT THE FUCK SIR OF COURSE WE HAVENT GOT MUCH OF ANYWHERE WE NEVER GET MUCH OF ANYWHERE INDEPENDENTLY OTHER THAN BUILDING PERSPECTIVE YOU DUMB HOE IM ON THE CHESS BOARD NOW AND THATS THE HUGE FUCKING DIFFERENCE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT GOD SMH SMH SMH MOVE OVER AND TRUST ME YOU LOOSER ASSHOLE I GOTCHU IVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS IN THE SIDE FOR MONTHS STFU STFU STFU AND LET ME DO MY SHIT GOD FUCK YOU MAN"

Ahem.

Honestly though our lifes actually pretty good at this point. It's really weird cause I always hated hearing it earlier in my recovery and I always went "God fuck that" but in a weird way, I've kind of come to realize that a lot of my life / trauma was very "front loaded". Cause the way we grew up had us chronically fighting both mentally, physically and intellectually just to get by and living one bare bones while "studying the system" and how to survive in the capitalistic world and all that just to solely maintain a sense of hope and direction out of the hell we were in and that carried into college where we sacrificed So Fucking Much to maintain everything to the near perfect check point hittings and all and like, ALL of that was hell ALL of that was miserable and NO one should have to do that because it was REALLY bad

But now that I'm like almost actually genuinely out of most realms of trauma environments including the passive ones, I'm realizing that compared to a lot of people my age, I'm very very very well equipt to deal with the capitalistic nightmare of adulthood on both a survival / budgetting manner, a work endurance level, and on a psychological level of like... defense against getting dragged into it - at least certain parts are XD I'm still really bad with the 3rd in exchange for being extremely good at the 2nd

-Riku

#alter: riku

[kieranculkingirl]

.... what if i remade just for the new start

#ive been going back and forth on this for MONTHS because i have a huge emotional attachment to this blog plus ive had it for like five yrs #so ALL those old posts and stuff wouldnt be there anymore which would be so sad #but i really just wanna start over too and like i have two thousand followers but half of them are inactive or just dont ever interact #plus i highkey might wanna remake as an spn blog on main and have my aes and text posts just be either a sideblog or also post on my main #hhfjhhfhfhrh decisions decisions #would yall go follow me if i remade tho? #em.txt

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 304: The Council of OFA

Previously on BnHA: Hawks and Best Jeanist were all, “what up Todofam, we are here to apply for the positions of ‘son #4’ and ‘weird uncle’, respectively,” and then proceeded to insert themselves into the family drama without waiting for an answer. Hawks briefed Endeavor on the nation’s current status of “totally fucked”, promised to help him sort that out, and then asked him about OFA. Endeavor was all, “oh do you mean One For All, the mysterious thing that my intern Deku was apparently being targeted for?” and then we cut away, presumably before Endeavor could clarify that it never occurred to him to follow up on that, and Hawks was all “no of course not, why would it occur to anyone other than me to follow up on any of this super weird and ominously important shit.” Anyway so meanwhile Bakugou was all “LET ME SCREAM AT DEKU UNTIL HE WAKES UP” and the other kids were all “NO”, and then the chapter ended with All Might being all “I wonder what the vestige!me is currently chatting with Deku about.”

Today on BnHA: Deku drops in on the Vestiges, who are all “sup Deku, how do you like our fancy chairs.” OFA II and III are all “if you need us we’ll just be standing here silently in the corner pretending to be invisible and sparking endless discourse with our mere existence.” OFA IV is all “and now I will explain to you in a very convoluted way that you being quirkless was actually a good thing, since it means that you are probably not going to suddenly drop dead at the age of twenty. But also you’re probably going to be the last user of OFA for that very same reason.” Deku is all “that is wild. I’m just gonna stand here and stare at my hand.” Nana is all “so now that that’s settled could you please do me a small favor and kill my grandson for me”, because having just one topic to discourse about this week WASN’T ENOUGH, apparently. Thanks so much Horikoshi.

(ETA: okay so just a note before I start, this week’s RHA translation was a huge mess, so I followed up this chapter by reading a couple of other translations. the main one I’m using for reference is the one by @hanashimas​, whose weekly posts I highly recommend. anyway so you’ll see a couple of ETAs in this post in places where the initial translation was off.)

how many layers of bandages did they wrap this poor kid’s fucking hand in omg

jesus Deku. are you holding onto a bouquet of flowers under that thing?? or a tennis racket??

omg yes, finally

is he reading these names off a teleprompter lol. and if so, what has Jeanist ever done to slight you, Deku? “god bless Kacchan and Aizawa-sensei and Todoroki-kun and everyone else in the whole wide world... except for Best Jeanist. fuck that guy.” actually this joke would be funnier if half of tumblr didn’t legit feel that way lol but anyway

OH MY GOD

I NEED TO HAVE A TALK TOO. ABOUT, OH, EVERYTHING

I got immediate KHR vibes from ALL OF THIS. this is seriously such a Vongola aesthetic. “let’s use the luxuriously cushioned chairs with the seat backs that are ten feet high, and arrange all of the handsome ghost people in a big circle” like come on

that said there are also some slight LoTR vibes as well. “bring forth the ring, Deku”

I like how Six is sitting there with his feet drawn up all casual, but with his arms inexplicably sticking STRAIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF HIM and dangling over his knees like he’s doing some sort of zombie walk

apparently the Fourth wasn’t a big fan of shoes huh

interesting that All Might is the only one who’s still faint/indistinct, and and that Two and Three are fully visible

(ETA: the rest of my speculation about Two and Three has been moved into a separate post, the better to focus on the shit that’s actually happening in this chapter lol.)

and lastly, interesting that all of them are talking now, except for All Might (and I guess the Second and Third as well). to the best of my knowledge Deku hasn’t unlocked the Sixth’s quirk yet, so I guess the quirks don’t really have anything to do with it

oh and it looks like Deku’s mouth is still covered. I guess that’s convenient for the vestiges since we all know it’s hard to stop Deku once he gets going. but on the other hand it’s very inconvenient for people like me who wanted to see some interaction. alas

so First says that OFA’s power has grown a lot in the last four months (i.e. since Deku unlocked Blackwhip), and now the vestiges can communicate with each other as well as Deku

so even when Deku’s not around they can all just chill with each other. this is such a weird thing to me lol. like it’s cool, don’t get me wrong, but it’s also strange as hell to know that you’ve got eight other people hanging out in your head spying on everything you do and having conversations with each other about it. it would be like if Dark Shadow had someone to hang out with other than Tokoyami. good thing you weren’t triplets, Tokoyami

First says that it’s become easier for the vestiges to interact with Deku ever since TomurAFO barged into the OFA Domain back at Jakku. huh

(ETA: apparently this is because AFO forcibly pulled out OFA’s power when he was trying to steal the quirk, so I guess that makes sense.)

okay thank you Banjou for addressing this concern which I initially brought up as a joke, but which was apparently real enough for you to reassure Deku about

“don’t worry, even though we’re awake and hanging out inside of you at all times, we’re definitely not secretly watching and making fun of every single thing you do” hmmmmm

(ETA: “not that you could do anything about it even if we were, since you’re probably going to be the last OFA holder ever!” I don’t trust anything this asshole says lmao.)

OH SHIT??

YESSS DEKU now you can hold them accountable for all of their bullshit! because I do not doubt that there will be bullshit lol but let’s see how that goes

oh damn

well okay then. you didn’t have to stand up and walk over to him and loom all threateningly like that but okay sir

this guy has kind of a Kimimaro vibe to him. remember? that bone-growing guy from Naruto? except I’m pretty sure he had eyebrows. and wasn’t twenty feet tall. speaking of which, that explains the chairs

why are you wearing only 3/5ths of a shirt

lol what

someone’s gonna have to explain this to me. is he just redundant or something lol, or is he strangely poetical or what

(ETA: apparently HE’S MAKING A PUN omg. I immediately gained +10 love for him lol. also it flows a lot better in Japanese. this is one of the things Caleb is usually good at, so we’ll see what he does with the wordplay.)

omg the hermit theory is true!!

“I’M NOT WEIRD, IT’S SOCIETY WHICH IS WEIRD.” lol whatever you say buddy. also love how Banjou tried to give him a big hearty slap on the back but Hermit Boy was not having it lmao

IS HE TRYING TO CAPTURE HIM WITH BLACKWHIP

AND ACTUALLY, NO, SIR, AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE ARE NOT AWARE. SO SPILL!!

?!!?

okay my first response was LOL ARE YOU SERIOUS, THAT’S THE BIG SECRET!? -- and then it hit me what the significance of “died from old age... AT AGE FORTY” meant. at which point it was like “!!!!!” and then “OH, SHIT”

(ETA: there’s also an Iida joke here somewhere but I’m just too tired to make it.)

oh my god oh my god

did he somehow get a copy of the coroner’s report or something? like how does he even know that he died from “old age” as opposed to any number of other natural causes? ??

but anyway. so this is the quirk singularity coming into play then I guess. but then how come All Might is still alive and ticking?

(ETA: so this is one example of where this week’s translation is a mess lol. apparently the Fourth explains here that he didn’t know what the fuck he died from until All Might researched it. and it turns out there actually was an autopsy lol so there you go.)

so Fourth says he held OFA for eighteen years, and since he knew he would never be strong enough to defeat AFO on his own he basically just spent all his time punching rocks in the woods and training to power the quirk up

oh shit

is he implying that his body literally fell apart?? like that’s how he got the scars on his face? -- IS THAT WHAT KEEPS HAPPENING TO TOMURA, THEN. oh shit

DUDE

so you’re telling me that this quirk actively shortens the lifespan of anyone who uses it?? and my little boy here has had it now for a year already?? fuck me, I have immediately have a TON of thoughts about all this but let me save it until he’s done with his explanation

THANK YOU, DEKU

right?? how come All Might didn’t die then. even after he got injured. please don’t tell me he actually is dying still and is just being slow about it because I SWEAR TO GOD

what does this mean??

so what you’re trying to say is you all have NO FUCKING IDEA how long Deku’s gonna be able to hold this quirk before he SUDDENLY DROPS DEAD?! five generations ago this dude was able to hold it for eighteen years, and then four generations later All Might was able to hold it for thirty-odd years or so, and now Deku has it and you all have no clue which way it’s gonna go? actually this makes it sound like it really wasn’t OFA that killed the Fourth at all and you guys are just really bad at forming hypotheses. but since you’re making a big plot point out of it I guess it must be true

and don’t think I didn’t notice the part where you said you didn’t have OFA very long and then “died while fighting”, Firsto. I want to hear more about that. specifically who you passed the quirk onto before your death

and yes, if we are agreeing that OFA was the cause of the Fourth’s death, then the conclusion on this next page is the natural one to draw

so that’s a bit of a relief then, because Deku is quirkless too. so it means he won’t be able to hold OFA forever (and will probably have to find another quirkless person to pass it on to), but at least he won’t be randomly dying out of the blue next Tuesday or something

oh my god now he’s talking about OFA and AFO and user consciousnesses and all sorts of good theory stuff but it’s so much exposition. you’re really gonna make me read all this lol

wait what. why would All Might being quirkless have anything to do with the presence of his vestige in OFA Outer Space Party Land

but Deku is also quirkless and he’s clearly visible and chatting with you guys. so what gives. like how much of this is verified fact and how much of it is you guys just shrugging and making stuff up lol

SERIOUSLY, GUYS

BUT DEKU IS ALSO -- you know what, never mind sob. none of this shit makes any sense but whatever

(ETA: seriously, this all seems like an awful lot of speculation on their part. for Deku’s sake I sure hope they’re right.)

FSSKDJFLSKLKJLKJL ALL MIGHT IS FIFTY-FIVE?!

lol that’s a full ten years past my closest estimate, wow. but this pretty much confirms his age now at last! or at least confirms it within a couple of years, because we know All Might and Nana met when he was in middle school, and he presumably had the quirk by the time he took the U.A. entrance exam. so yeah. gonna go with fifty-five

so they think that because All Might was quirkless, OFA was better able to adapt to his body and became his true quirk, as opposed to being an extra quirk that stacked on top of the one he already had and overwhelmed him. ties in back to the whole “AFO used to bend people to his will by forcing quirks on them” thing, as well as the “Noumus are all mindless because of the strain of having multiple quirks”

Two and Three are really ruining the serious vibe of this scene here lol

they look like they’re doing the counting for hide and seek

and is this Deku talking now? I was about to get mad at First for implying that quirkless people are somehow freaks, as opposed to “normal” people jdslk

so in other words, don’t go giving it to your best friend all casually for shits and giggles, Deku. even if it would make a really cool climax for a movie. well shit. maybe that’s why they were so quick to nope back into Deku’s body afterward

so First says that because quirkless people are becoming rarer and rarer, the fact that All Might just happened to stumble upon Deku is “nothing short of a miracle.” which, yeah, that was definitely a stroke of luck there. being quirkless saved his life. but being quirkless is also part of why he was chosen in the first place, and we’ve always known that much

“in other words, kiddo...”

looks like there was some hurried clone stamp usage going on here lol. but props to RHA as always for putting this scan out so fast, especially given how exposition-heavy this week’s chapter has been

“anyways, that was the main topic” ARE YOU SERIOUS. there are like ten other topics imma need you all to get to here, people

(ETA: seems like this is a mistranslation; the line should actually read something more along the lines of “and now for the main topic.”)

FFFFFFFFF

“ENJOY YOUR CLIFFHANGER THIS WEEK.” dskfalkjlkjwlgkjl you really went and dumped this discourse on us yet again. fucking...

(ETA: forgot to mention, but as several people mentioned, this seems to be another mistranslation -- rather than asking Deku to kill Tomura as though it’s doing her a personal favor, Nana is asking “will you be able to do it.” in other words more of an “are you capable of doing it” type of thing. which is a very reasonable question to ask given that Deku is, well, Deku.)

anyways, and the answer is obviously going to be “no” of course. this isn’t going to end any differently than when the previous Avatars all told Aang to kill Ozai. but I guess it means we’re in for a fun conversation next week

so Nana looks pretty grim here though (nothing at all like the person who once taught All Might the importance of saving people with a smile), and I’m wondering if this means she believes that her grandson is already beyond saving. as in killing him would be a mercy, as opposed to him continuing to live with AFO bending his mind and body to his will. except if that is the case, I think she’s underestimating Tomura’s own will. and definitely underestimating Deku’s will to save

and also, just... I’m so fucking sick of AFO screwing the Shimura family over, honestly. this is exactly what he wanted. well fuck you, guy. you don’t get to have what you want. go out there and save Tomura, Deku. for his sake and for Nana’s. give them some hope. do your thing, boy. can’t wait for your big speech all about it next chapter lol

#bnha 304 #midoriya izuku #all might #ofa prime #ofa iv #idk what his name is I forgot it already lol #the actual forty-year-old man #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #ofa the first

[toriceratops]

Evan Buckley Week: Day 1

“Pops, can we stop coming to the hospital so much?”  

Christopher drops his head onto Buck’s shoulder and yawns with a huge stretch of his arms.  They’ve only been here a little over an hour, since they’d rushed to the ER in the middle of dinner when Eddie had realized exactly what was going on with the pain in his side.  

“As much as I agree with you, we can’t blame this one on either of us this time.  Or most of the recent ones.  You told made us both swear to stop getting hurt at work, and we did,” Buck tells him with a quick poke to his side.  “Your dad’s appendix decided it would rather be anywhere else but in him, so here we are.”

Neither of them are too worked up at the moment.  Buck is well aware how routine this surgery is since they caught it quick enough - thank goodness for being a paramedic - and Christopher has been taking his cues from Buck.

“Yeah,” his fifteen year old says.  “But we were here two months ago for your broken toe.”

“Albert dropped a table on it when we were moving his furniture.”

“Before that it was dad’s concussion.”

Buck shrugs on that one because it was technically Buck’s fault for getting a little too handsy in the shower when they were both too tired to do anything standing up safely but he’s not about to tell Christopher that.

“And then your tonsils.  Who gets their tonsils out at thirty five?”

“Lots of people,” Buck says immediately.  

Before Christopher can get into another long (way too long) list of examples of ER and general hospital visits that are genuinely not work related from the last four years, a nurse comes into the waiting room.

“Family for Edmundo Diaz?”

They both stand, Buck hiding the surge of fear that goes through his chest.  It’s too soon, which means something could have gone wrong.  Statistically, that isn’t likely.

Buck and statistics have never gotten along.

“I’m his husband, Evan Diaz?”  Buck says once he and Christopher get to the nurse.

When she smiles, relief washes over him, and he wraps an arm around his son’s shoulders, holding tight. 

“Mr. Diaz is in a recovery room and waking up.  I can take you to see him now.”  She’s already moving before her words catch up to Buck’s expectations.

“Wait, I thought they said he’d be out of it for a little while once the surgery was through?”

“Normally, yes.  But it appears Mr. Diaz is a bit stubborn.”

Beside Buck, Christopher snorts.  

“I take it that’s not news to either of you?” She asks with a small smirk over her shoulder. 

All Buck can do is roll his eyes and shake his head.  No.  That is not news to either of them.  Not by a long shot.  

They take a few short halls and a couple of turns before stopping at a closed door for a private room.  “I will warn you, however.  That because he woke up while still, basically, drugged, he’s a little... loopy.”

Buck and Christopher share a curious look, but follow the nurse into the room without question.  

Sitting up in the bed, looking like he’s just woke up from a long, well deserved nap, is Eddie.  The touch of grey that began adorning his left temple over the last year looks even brighter in the strange light of a hospital room, but his eyes are bright and his smile sudden and excited at the sight of his boys.

“Oh wow.  You look beautiful,” Eddie says with such astonishment Buck actually has to look around to make sure Eddie’s talking to him.  “And Christopher!  You’re so tall!”  

Christopher’s laugh is bright and warm, filling the small room to the brim with joy.  

“Dad!  I haven’t grown in months!”  

“Yeah, but wow. You’re just.  You’re both… Wow.”  His gaze flicks back and forth between both of them then he tries to reach out.  The arm farthest from Buck and Christopher has not only an IV in his hand but a blood pressure cuff affixed to his bicep.  When he tries to lift it and can’t the smile vanishes from his lips and becomes a deep, full bottom lip out pout.  “I can’t reach you from all the way over there.”

“Is dad high?”  Christopher asks Buck with another snort of laughter.

“As a kite,” Buck assures him with a solemn nod.  

They both shake off the strange mixture of shock and amusement to make their way to Eddie’s side, Christopher taking the seat closest while Buck sits on the edge of the bed near his husband’s hip.  Gently, he takes Eddie’s hand in his and brings it up to his lips, giving him a soft, fluttering kiss.

“Is this better, baby?”

After reaching for Christopher and making sure he’s got a grip on his son as well as his husband, Eddie nods decisively.  His hair flops out a bit, wisps of brown and white hanging over his forehead.  Then he leans back onto his pillow, eyes closed, smile wide and unending.

“This is perfect.”

#Buddie #911 fox #evanweek2021 #ew2021 #Evan Buckley #Human Sunshine #Christopher Diaz #Eddie Diaz #Fluff

[actualsunflower]

I have a huge life update to share rn--- My top surgery consultation is scheduled for July 5th!!!! I’M SO EXCITEDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!! I’ve also been vaccinated!! :D ANNNDDD MY LEGAL NAME AND SEX HAVE BEEN CHANGEDD!!!!! :DDDD kind of a lot has happened since I’ve been actually active around here But now I guess is the much harder part, my official surgery date will be set at the consultation, but there’s a required $1,000 fee to set the official date for my surgery. The $1,000 covers a portion of the surgery as well, and the base price for the surgery is $8,500. I’ll get the exact price on July 5th, but that’s their base rate. I need to earn or raise at least $1,000 of the total cost before July 5th to secure my surgery date!! I’m going to take commissions when I can, I have 1 almost entirely complete right now and then I can take on more! I’m gonna have a more detailed explanation of everything under the cut so this isnt super super long so pls read under there if you want all the deets Pls consider commissioning me or donating so I can get top surgery!! read more for more info and me being sappy abt my emotions--

I’ve waited so long for this and I’m fricken excited, it’s the last step in transitioning for me! It really means everything for me, I feel like I’ve been waiting forever and I can’t believe it’s finally happening !?!!! I am forever in everyones debt here and everywhere because I never wouldve even been able to start hrt if it wasn’t for the help here. I’m just so. Overwhelmed with emotion and gratitude I cant even tell how many times Ive cried and just felt like... actual gender euphoria since starting t..

So abt the appointment, I’m getting surgery with Dr. Javad Sajan, and I’m getting button hole double incision. Im serious his before and after pictures make me so emotional I am so happy and emotional for those people and I cannot wait to feel that kind of happiness and relief. But a big problem about this for me, is that he is in Seattle, and I live in southern Oregon. I can’t drive, so I have to rely on someone else, or take the train from a nearby city (Eugene). My consultation is over skype (which is amazing and a huge relief), but my pre-op appointment is in person, and of course so is the actual surgery. We’re planning on taking the train from Eugene because it seems to be the most reliable way to get there and back each time. Aside from my surgery, I’ve got to cover the price of the trip there and back (twice, once there and back for pre-op, once there and back post op,) and the price of a place to stay during the pre-op appointment. Right now my goal cost wise, is just the booking and base appointment price ($8,500, that’s including the $1,000 appointment setting deposit, which is just a part of the surgery cost and the base covers everything, surgery, the stay at the hospital, nips, anesthesia, everything). The full price is due at the pre-op appointment, and that’s the final bill. My insurance doesn’t cover anything because it’s out of state and county, and because its informed consent model. (which Im choosing because Id have to battle insurance for 2 years minimum if I was getting the surgery in Oregon, but I am very set on my surgeon after considering everything and calling many offices and looking through many subreddits and talking to ppl who’ve gotten it here and there) A lot of this information is on their site as well. As soon as I have my consultation, I will be right here to update everything and set the exact price, which I’ll also be including the price of transportation and staying there. As for paying, I’ve been applying to so many jobs, and even when I get interviews I never hear back from them. People keep telling me to stop admitting I’m disabled but I just can’t do that. Lying about being disabled doesnt make me abled and they don’t get that. I’m still trying though, and I am not going to stop trying until I get a job. But until then commissions and donations are my only source of income. I’ve been struggling getting help psychologically, because I have schizophrenia, and because I was diagnosed with adhd as a child, but I think I’m actually autistic rather than having adhd, and it’s been really hard trying to get diagnosed because I keep getting pushed off or told I cant have autism because I have paranoid schizophrenia or because its “just adhd”, but the medications are just making everything worse, and Ive tried more than one already. My medications for schizophrenia have started not working right, and when my schizophrenia meds get under control, it makes my adhd (?) significantly worse. Genuinely, I really dont know what’s happening. I really dont know whats going on with me right now and it’s hard and confusing and I keep swinging back and forth and it’s making everything deteriorate so fast I cant keep up with it. It seriously effects my ability to do anything at all, even art, and its been like this for the last 6 months. I am trying though, still trying to work, still trying to get a job, still trying to get a real diagnosis and help and Im not going to stop any of that. But I think getting top surgery as soon as possible is going to help me too, because dysphoria has just gotten so much worse focusing on my chest since t has started helping me pass and look so much more masculine. It’s like all my attention went from everything DIRECTLY to my chest and its almost unbearable. Even now since my sex has been legally changed I keep having the horrible thoughts of ‘why, why I am a man Im not supposed to be this way’ and shit idk. I’m getting too serious right now I have an appointment with the dmv to get a new updated driver’s permit with my name and fixed legal sex, and when I do that I can set up a bank account (I cant yet bcs I dont have a valid id/ id at all because I actually lost the other one and have been carrying around that paper one you’re supposed to destroy that is literally from 2016) and when I do, I’m going to set up a proper gofundme for my surgery and the travel expenses, but for now all I have is my paypal and online banking savings account. I’ll get that up asap once I have my id, though (Ive already been to the bank with my notarized judge passed papers and they wont take those yeah I know it’s stupid its like the same thing) But uhhh yeah! Thank you for reading this far if you did lol and considering helping me bcs my god, it literally means everything to me. pls share hehe

#commission info #donation post #i know it seems like all i do is cry about needing money #but my god. bitches really do be needing money #its me im bitches #top surgery fund #help yer local transmasc flower #pls

[yolkyeomie]

Ice Fairies | Hwang Hyunjin

summary — figure skaters are like ice fairies to you, and hyunjin is the prettiest fairy you’ve ever seen

word count — 2.7k words

pairing — hyunjin x gender neutral!reader

genre — figure skater!hyunjin, fluff, mc kinda pines after hyunjin but doesn’t rlly realize it

disclaimer — I actually know nothing about ice skating and ive been writing this since the moment I woke up so if it’s bad + inaccurate I’m so sorry

You had always enjoyed watching figure skaters be in their natural element, it was something about the way they skid across the ice that made you think that there was just something a little… inhuman about them.

If you were to describe what you believe they were, you say they were like fairies. The way figure skaters glittered in the reflection of the ice and the way they glided as if they had wings sprouting it from their back to fly was enough for you to think they were. But that was only from what you had seen on television. You had never seen a figure skater in person because it was wildly out of your own element to do so. And then a few months ago happened.

One day a stranger strolled into your town. It wasn’t an unlikely sight, your town was a frequent resting place for travelers. But the thing about the stranger is that when they strolled into town they didn’t feel like a stranger. In fact, they felt like they belonged. That’s something I’ve been missing in your town and the stranger had suddenly filled up the gaping hole you didn’t know needed to be filled. You thought you were just being delusional, there is no way such a strange person could make you feel this way? A person you’ve never seen in your life?

But then on a very chilly, very quiet winter day you decided to take a walk to your job. You don’t know what inclined you to do so, the weather was close to being unbearable and the ice and snow were thick on the ground from the snow storm before. But you did anyways as if you were challenging mother nature to try and stop you.

When you walk to your unbearable nine to five, there is a big lake that’s usually within your sights then. Because of the conditions beforehand it had turned into this icy winter wonderland, where the water was frozen solid and hard enough for people to walk across. It wasn’t unusual to see parents taking their bundle of children to go skating across it for fun family bonding, or see teenagers push each other towards the slick frozen over waters, so you paid no mind to it at first. But on your walk you saw something... different.

There was the stranger rhythmically moving his feet left and right, his jet black ice skates kicking up little chips and the frozen lake. He wasn’t wearing much to protect himself from the cold: just a throw on jacket and what looked to be sort of loose fitting pants. And don’t forget the low ponytail he wore his blonde hair in, the most recognizable of his lazy attire.

Why you thought he was going to freeze to death out on the lake at first.

Your brain had started functioning on its own, making decisions you weren’t fully comprehending when they happened. Before you know it, instead of being on your path to your boring nine to five, you were sliding down the side of the hill, careful not to let the snow trip you up, and calling out to him to make sure he was okay. When you had finally made it to the edge of the lake, your feet threatening to tip over and slide across its slick surface, he took notice of you. And then he jumped.

Looking back on it now, it was such a simple thing to do. But it left you in complete awe nonetheless.

Your eyes widened in pure disbelief as you watched him go from gliding with careful foot steps backwards to kicking one foot off the ground and forcefully raising the rest of his body into the air. For a moment you thought he was hovering in time, as if that one movement had stopped the flow of gravity just for him to levitate off the ice for a moment. And then in a slow motion-esqe manner you watched as he spun once in the air and then came back down landing perfectly on the same foot he started with.

A single axel, you recognized. One of the first things a figure skater learns when indulging in the sport. It looks so simple when you look at it from an outside eye but somehow it was enough to plunge you down into a world of wonder that you don’t even know you wanted to be in.

From that interaction, that's how you came to know wild and eccentric, Hwang Hyunjin. The new rising star and fan favorite within the figure skating world, and the owner of several gold medals that newbies don’t usually own. You knew that because he wouldn’t stop telling you once he got the chance. As clueless yet endearing his personality and perfectionist tendencies were, you two hit it off almost immediately. You don’t know whether it was because you like the fact that he was a figure skater, something you used to have a huge interest, or you liked him as a person but either way you two had gotten close enough for him to invite you to things outside of your little town.

One of those things, however, you did not expect to be attending one of the biggest figure skating competitions of his life.

Come with me, he said, it’ll be fun! I can show you how professional I get and how easy it is for me to win.

How it convinced you to join him on a cross-country trip is completely out of your mind. However it’s too late to go back on your words as now you were here at his competition standing on the sidelines with full moon like wide eyes looking back-and-forth between everyone who is currently in the room.

There were several other figure skaters here all warming up on the sidelines and getting ready for their performances to impress the judges. Every single one of them within the room were hoping to attend the Grand Prix of figure skating, and this competition was the last thing standing in their way to being able to compete. Despite this important detail though all of the competitors were looking around anxiously, the skin on the back of their neck standing up as they stayed on edge. There was this sense of stress within all of the skaters as the presumed to be new figure skating champion was in the building.

They were scared that no matter how well they went throughout their performance, they would be no match for the long-haired blonde you knew.

“Y/N!” A chirpy voice called out to you, like sunrays wrapped within their tone. You whirled your head around towards them, finally clicking back into the reality that you were here to support and not to gawk.

A boy not that much older than you came skipping up to you, his freckles stretching across his face like strained stars in a telescope’s eye. Lee Felix was a friend of Hyunjin, working and training under the same coach for their competitions. You had only recently met with him just a few days ago when you and Hyunjin had arrived in the city for his competition, but he already proved himself to be such a friendly and honest person that it felt like you had known him for years.

“Felix,” you grin, pushing yourself away from the railing of the ice rink to meet him halfway. Unlike many of the other figure skaters within the room, dressed in sparkly and eye-catching outfits for their performances, he was just as bundled up with warm clothing as you are. It seemed as though he was going to be watching the skaters instead of joining them on the ice for the day. “What are you doing here? Weren’t you supposed to be with your coach and Hyunjin?”

“Usually,” the boy shrugged, moving his hands within the pockets of his puffy jacket. “But I’m not the one competing today, am I? Why would I sit and listen to a lecture about doing my best and aiming for the top when it’s not even aimed at me? Plus it gets boring after awhile.”

You snort at the boy’s excuse, rolling your eyes and turning back towards the ice. “I don’t know, maybe it’s because moral support can take someone a long way?”

“Is it not enough moral support to be standing up and watching from the side lines instead of laying down in my nice, warm, cozy bed? I could be sitting right next to a heated fireplace right now but here I am standing in the cold with no blanket to wrap myself in.” Felix jeered, his eyes looking far off into a world you couldn’t see. But by the expressions on his face you could assume he was fantasizing about the warm bed he had mentioned.

“How can you be an ice skater if the only thing on your mind is a bed and warmth?” You teased.

“Hey! I can’t help the fact that being warm is the best feeling in the universe! Why do you think I like hugs so much? It’s basically just sharing body heat so you won’t be cold,” He argued, wrapping his arms around himself to mimic the gesture. “Let’s not forget the fact that some people also give out the best hugs I’ve ever felt as well.”

You had to conceal the obnoxious laugh that wanted to escape your mouth. Felix was such an endearing person, the way he acts and the way he talks were two completely different things from when he was on the ice. Or at least that’s what Hyunjin told you, but he was known for… overdramatizing things.

“Speak of the devil!” Felix exclaimed untangling his arms from around himself and pointing to the other end of the ice rink. “There’s the star of the day!”

The chitter chatter of the competitors and watchers suddenly began to lower, turning into a low mumble as everyone’s eyes were fixated on the ice skater who had just stepped on the ice to warm up with the feat of the skaters.

Figure skaters are like fairies, you remind yourself. They move across the ice as if they’re flying and they sparkle in the light with a certain ethereal and shimmer to them. You knew this, you’ve always known this about figure skaters. But there was a certain flare about Hyunjin that was simply unmatched by every other competitor in the room.

Maybe it didn’t help with the fact that Hyunjin was already conventionally attractive in your eyes, but seeing him skate across the ice in his costume for his performance was mesmerizing. The way the light bounced across the glittery blue fabric of his ruffled Victorian shirt, or the way the colors of white and blue hues would blend into a beautiful ombré when in combination with his pitch black pants and ice skates. Don’t even get started on how the way the azure blue ribbon tied up in his blond hair gave him just the right amount of purity to make him seem as though he were an angel in the flesh.

Mesmerizing, just mesmerizing.

“Hyunjin!” Felix called, waving his hands to catch the skater’s attention. The boy immediately turned the both of you, a soft smile appearing on his lips as he changed courses and began to glide towards the two of you. The bright lights of the ice rink made him shimmer like stars as he approached and the unorthodox beating of your heart was making it extremely hard to focus on one thing at a time right now. You had never seen him all dolled up and captivating while he was skating before. The best you had ever seen from him was a black skinny jeans and an overpriced on-brand hoodie.

“Felix,” He greeted, his soft smile still unchanging as he dressed his fellow skater. Hyunjin leaned up against the railing for support as his eyes then drifted towards you, adoration swirling within his irises. “Y/N. How do I look? Usually I’m not dressed too flashy but the coach thought this would be a nice change for this particular song.”

“You look nice,” you manage to choke out, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible with the burning hot reds of your ears and your clear flustered face. The figure skater pouted in response to your lackluster compliment, probably expecting a much grander praise from you seeing as this was your first time seeing him dressed in such a way. “What? I told the truth, you look nice.”

“Nothing else? Just nice?” He urged, trying to push another, higher quality compliment out of you. “What about… gorgeous? Ethereal? Bewitching? Exquisite—“

“Nice,” you repeat, absentmindedly running your hands through each strand of blond hair you could reach and gazing at the blue ribbon in his hair. “You look nice.”

“Oh,” Hyunjin nodded, melting into you as you rhythmically brushed your hands through his hair. “Alright, I’ll take that.”

“I did not come here to see you be gross with each other,” Felix chimed in, reminding the two of them that they weren’t alone at the lake in your little town, but in an ice rink filled with people whose eyes were always watching Hyunjin’s every move. The figure skater pushed himself off of the railing, putting a small distance between the two of you as a sheepish laugh escaped his mouth.

You attempted to laugh it off as well, punching Felix in the shoulder with a little too much strength to try and hide the embarrassment. How could you have forgotten that was literally right next to you? What if you slipped up and said something without realizing he was there? What if you acted without realizing everyone’s eyes were constantly on Hyunjin, and because he approached you, you as well?

Stupid Y/N. You’re so stupid, stupid, stupid—

“That’s my que,” Hyunjin gasped as a man spoke over the speakers, his words blasting into everyone’s ears to remind them that the competition would soon begin. You weren’t really paying attention to what was being said, though. Your eyes were too focused on the way the fabric of Hyunjin’s ombré blue and white shirt fit his physique perfectly and the way his hair was fell into perfect shape on his shoulders. “Wish me luck!”

“Get that first place bro,” Felix encouraged him, giving him a hard and strong high five. “Take us to the Grand Prix, I really wanna go to Tokyo this year.”

“That depends,” the figure skater said, turning towards with a shining grin plastered onto his face. “Y/N, do you wanna go to Tokyo?”

“You’re gonna put your whole rookie career on Y/N?” Felix gasped, his eyes widened in disbelief as he looked between the two of you. You don’t blame him for being so caught off guard by Hyunjin’s question, you were just as confused as Felix was.

Your bewildered expression and utter silence wasn’t being taken for an answer as Hyunjin intently looked at you, patiently waiting for you to respond despite the speakers overhead telling all skaters to clear off the ice. After taking a moment to compose yourself, you finally open your mouth to speak. “Hyunjin, you’ve been working towards the Grand Prix final for how long now? You shouldn’t be placing your entire career on—“

“Answer the question,” he interrupted. “Do you want to go to Tokyo with me?”

“Yes,” You finally answer him. “I would like to go to Tokyo with you.”

It was like your answer gave Hyunjin a sudden boost of motivation, his smile going from ear to ear and his eyes turning into little crescent moons as he began to shift to and fro on the ice. “Alright then,” He nodded, kicking himself backwards to go and join the rest of the skaters who were simply waiting for the boy to step off the ice. As he skated backwards, hands behind his back and his ice skates kicking up little chunks of ice, he kept eye contact with you and called out. “I’ll make sure I’ll take you to Tokyo, Y/N! And I’ll win the gold medal just for you!”

“Of course, you will!” You tell after him as he turned around. “You’re obligated to win me the gold medal because you brought me all the way here without telling me! Your gold medal is my gold medal!”

#stayhavennet #kpop imagines #kpop #kpop blurbs #kpop au #kpop fluff #kpop scenarios #stray kids imagines #stray kids imagine #stray kids hyunjin #stray kids #skz fluff #skz #skz hyunjin #skz x reader #hyunjin blurbs #hyunjin imagines #hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin au #stray kids au #figure skater!hyunjin

[shhh-no-ones-home]

kick back vinny mauro x reader

+++++++++

the song she sings are original lyrics by me, there will be a screenshot of the whole thing in the comments/reblogs if you would like to see it all. there is no sheet music, i am not a musician, but the lyrics are all my own and subject to copyright (/11/06/20/). thanks for understanding

Song: sorry haha I fell asleep by egg

tag list: @musicsexandpizza69 @thisplace-ishaunted @lifeisabitchandsoareyou @svintsandghosts @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @theoneandonlykymberlee +++++++++

I looked down at my phone as it rang for the eighth time today. It was Vinny. Again. Couldn't he take the hint? He thought he wanted me but I knew he didn't. How could he? Clearly he wouldn't let it go though. I rolled my eyes and went to put my phone back down when it dinged. He didn't call this time. It was actually a text.

"I know you're ignoring me but I'm gonna keep trying, i told you how i feel and thats not gonna change. Also a heads up, I'll see you on tour."

My eyes went wide before I immediately called our band manager.

"Just the person I wanted to talk to."

She said fairly chipper.

"Tell me we aren't."

I said sternly.

"What?"

She sounded confused.

"Tell me we aren't touring with motionless."

She laughed a little.

"Why would I tell you that? Of course you guys are. isnt it exciting?"

My mouth dropped.

"Why?!"

"Um, because it's good publicity? their manager called me yesterday and asked if you wanted to collab on something too so i hope youve been writing. but back to tour. They are doing a short spring tour, just a few weeks. i figured you were the best breakout band on my label."

She seemed very happy. I sighed into the receiver.

"Dawn their drummer has been calling and texting me for two weeks straight."

She paused.

"Okay?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"He has been trying to get me to go out with him for two weeks straight."

"Oh!"

She said.

"Then what's the problem?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Ya know what, actually there's no problem. this is a great opportunity for our career. When are we starting?"

"Great! I have to call the rest of the girls but you start February third."

I nodded.

"Okay. Two months away. I can put this off till then."

I said more to myself.

"Well dear I've got to go, I'll talk to you when the posters come out."

°°°°°°°°°

i sat on the ground outside the bus and strummed my guitar lightly. id been in contact with all the girls from our band and all the motionless guys for our new song together since i got the call from dawn two months ago but things werent coming out as good as wed hoped. so here i was still working on it, by myself. the thing is though the song was supposed to be out by the end of tour and yet here we all were, one week in and still nothing. i couldnt even focus on the task at hand. i had to much other shit running through my mind.

"that sounds pretty."

i heard from behind me and stiffened my body.

"thanks, ive been trying to find new chords for the song."

i said as vinny came into view.

"well i think it sounds great, when i read through the lyrics you had so far i wasnt really sure how heavy it would end up being but i kinda like that."

he said, moving to sit in front of me. i nodded.

"it will be heavier but my brain wont let me right now."

i said, dropping my hands to my lap. he nodded back.

"well what you have so far sounds beautiful anyways."

i stared at the ground, tapping my fingers lightly against the guitar.

"actually vin, this isnt for the collab. its actually for you and the only reason i cant finish the other song is because im lost."

he raised a brow.

"its for me?"

i sighed.

"i dont exactly know how to talk to you anymore so i figured a song would be easier but its really not."

i said through a nervous laugh.

"ive been meaning to talk to you about that actually."

i shook my head.

"you dont have-"

"no, i do."

he said, sending me a look.

"i shouldve taken the hint in December but i thought that if i persisted then maybe youd see how much i meant what i said. but i guess somewhere along the line i got annoying. hell i know, i did, i was annoying myself. then when you started texting me back, even though it was just about the new song, i was excited. it meant i could still talk to you even if it was just business."

"vin i-"

"please, just listen for a second."

i cleared my throat and nodded.

"okay, lay it on me."

he took a deep breath.

"i want you to know that i did mean what i said, i do really like you and i want to try something, a relationship, casual dates, hell even just hanging out. maybe you dont want more, and thats fine. but i still want you in my life and i want you to know that i do care about you. even if you have been ignoring me on purpose."

i frowned.

"vin i dont know how to do this."

i said, motioning between us.

"all my past relationships have crashed and burned and i dont know how to move on form that. i dont want to have to change who i am again."

he shook his head.

"you dont- you would never have to do that. i like you the way you are, and i want to prove that to you."

i sent him a look.

"no, you like who ive created for you. thats not me. im not carefree and easy going, and agreeable. im pig headed and strongly opinionated and i have a loud mouth."

i said with a laugh. he smiled back at me which i wasnt quite expecting.

"i dont care about all that. i care about you, whether you think youve created someone for me or not. give me stubborn. give me opinionated and loud. hell even give me furious at times. i know thats the real you and yet im still trying. cant you see that?"

i bit the inside of my cheek and thought for a second. then i looked down started strumming again lightly.

"im sorry for making things harder, i never meant to make it this far."

i began singing lightly.

"you dont deserve this mess of a person, i just keep making things hard."

i looked to him and he was staring at me intently.

"we've made it this far, i cant believe youre still around. i thank the heavens cause if not id be six feet down"

i closed my eyes, swaying back and forth as i played.

"Im sorry for making things harder, you dealt with this before. If i make it up to you somehow, we wont have to waste our time no more."

i said softly, over the guitar before stopping and looking at him.

"its not quite done yet."

i said a little shy. he sent me a small smile.

"i love you."

he said and my face went straight. i watched as he scooted his way closer to my side.

"ill always be here for you, no matter how we move forward."

i looked to my lap for a second before looking back to him. he was staring at me longingly.

"i think i love you too vin."

i said, barely above a whisper. he looked between my eyes before his hand moved to graze my cheek. i couldnt help moving into him. before i knew what was happening i was kissing him lightly, his hand going to the back of my head to hold me to him. when he pulled away he had a huge smile on his face.

"the song sounds great by the way."

i laughed a little at that, feeling a blush creep its way to my face as he pressed his forehead to mine.

"our little atypical love song."

#wattpad #x reader #vinny mauro #miw #imagines #one shots #279

[backhurtyy]

Hi! I'm sorry you're sad about ROTWOM ending, but it's totally okay to feel that way. I can't imagine how long it must have taken you to write and you shared it all with us in a pretty short amount of time. I just wanted to say that I've really enjoyed it, and I can't wait for the last chapter. Thank you for sharing this story with us.

ahhhh thank you sm 🥺💖

yeah, it’s.... i’ve been working on rotwom since september, so about.... five months i think?? and it’s been a WILD time. like when i signed up for the big bang, i thought it was going to be a 15k one shot. now it is a 106k+ word, 18 chapter fic.

it’s just really emotional because not only is it the longest thing i’ve ever written and the first big project ive finished, but it’s also helped me grow so much as a writer. and just.... idk. i love this story so much, and these characters. i love zuko and his ridiculously huge heart and sokka and his horrible flirting and passionate rambles, and now they’re just so stupidly in love...

i think i am going to end up writing some sort of follow up, because i just know this universe isn’t done. these characters’ stories aren’t over. idk when, but i will come back to ex assassin zuko and moon spirit sokka.

i’m so excited for tomorrow’s chapter, i think you’re going to love it. my beta and i spent like. three hours going back and forth about it, and i’m SO happy with how it turned out! i’m so glad you’ve enjoyed it, and i hope tomorrow’s chapter doesn’t disappoint 💖

#thank you anon this means the world 💖 #if you were wondering why it was posted so quickly it’s just because of the big bang rules #we were supposed to take ten days i think #idk either way i kind of liked how it worked out posting two at once because it grouped cliffhangers really well #and it worked with the timeline too #either way it had to end eventually.... at least we had fun while it lasted! #right on the target wide of the mark #zukosadragon ace speaks

[seulgiology]

maybe it’s love ┃son seungwan

pairings: bestfriend!wendy x bestfriend!reader

words: 3.6k

genre: angst, fluff

warning: established relationship, f2l, crying, like a lot of crying, some arguing but nothing too extreme, like sad arguing ???, all over the place fluff, this is lowkey sad

a/n: here it is for the beautiful anon that requested this. im so sorry this took me like two days but ive been sleeping and doing my online work. im sorry forthe crappy ending as well but i just might make a followup with some smut if you request it maybe. but i hope this was good and angsty enough. it is currently 4:43 in the morning so it’s time for admin 2 to sleep. I hope you like it :))

disclaimer:  This is a work of fiction from our imagination. It is not intended that the plot, theme, original characters, etc. portray any real-life events/people. Plagiarism is NOT tolerated on this blog. If you believe we have copied an existing authors’ work, please message us privately. thank you and enjoy :)

---

“Okay um, the directions say to wear gloves so the dye won’t get on your hands and in your nails,” you read from the small instruction paper to your best friend, who is mixing the dye together. 

“Y/N-ah, I’ve had my hair dyed multiple times so I know how to do this,” she assures with an amused laugh. She rounds the chair to crouch down in front of you mockingly, smiling beautifully in that way that gets your stuttering, “Trust me,” she says next and you nod quickly, breathing out your nose and pushing strands of hair out of your face.

“Alright, but if my hair falls out, Seungwan, then I will sue,” you teasingly say and Seungwan only pinches one of your flushed cheeks making you smile shyly. She then goes back to mixing the dye as you read the box of the dye the two of you had bought earlier.

“Your hair won’t fall out, princess,” Seungwan assures in a soft voice, using the nickname she has been calling you for years. You have to bite your lip to stop the huge smile from breaking through. You glance behind you to see Seungwan’s hands clasped together under her chin in concentration, head tilting side to side as she inspects the color of the dye. Just looking at her is enough to get you going.

Seungwan and you have been best friends for as long as you could remember. You guys have done everything together and grown with each other. You two have been through it all; both good and bad. You’re not sure when it happened though. 

You’re not sure when you fell in love with your best friend, Son Seungwan.

You can’t bring yourself to tell her as much as you want to. You just know that she won’t feel the same way and you can’t bear the pain of hearing her actually saying those words. What you two have now is way more important for some silly feelings you have for her that should’ve left a long time ago due to it being unrequited. 

The thoughts are pushed to the back of your mind when Seungwan claps her hands twice, catching your attention. “Alright, we’re ready to go so lean back and relax,” she instructs, sounding as if she is your hairstylist.

Seungwan starts working the dye in your hair, talking to you about how she feels with her new album coming out in a couple of months. You listen intently with your eyes closed and releasing some hums as she speaks. She talks with that subtle excitement that always underlies in her voice when she speaks.

“We leave this in for forty-five minutes and then wash it out. If all goes according to plan then your hair should be the strawberry blonde you want it to be,” she says while inspecting your hair that is pinned up in four different sections with a satisfied smile.

“I’ll clean up the mess and while I’m doing that you should find a movie for us to watch,” you suggest and stand up from the chair you’ve been sitting in for what feels like forever. Seungwan perks up at this and rushes to the living room, excited sounds coming from her loudly. “And we’re not watching The Fault In Our Stars!” you shout after her and laugh as her sounds die down into defeated whines.

“We never get to watch that movie though,” Seungwan complains but her efforts are useless.

“Wan-ah we have watched that movie three times in a row,” you remind with a laugh. You toss the bowl that was used for the dye in the trash and clean up any excess color that happened to splatter. After cleaning up the kitchen, you walk into the living room where Seungwan is snuggling up in her favorite blanket that so happens to belong to you.

Your heart warms at the sight and when she turns around, smiling so brightly that her eyes shape into little crescent moons, you don’t know what came over you at that moment but all you know is that you wanted your best friend as close to you as possible.

You get on the couch next to her and quickly snuggle up next to her when she opens the blanket for you. She’s thrown off when you’re the one cuddling her tonight instead of it being the other way around. Nonetheless, she rests her head on your breasts softly and wraps her arms around your tiny frame that almost matches hers.

“Y/N?” Seungwan whispers in question, concerned with the way you’re holding her. As if it’s the last time she will be in your arms. “Is everything okay? I didn’t pick The Fault In Our Stars if that’s what you’re worried about,” her voice is soft as she speaks. Almost too soft and you feel your eyes water at her consideration.

You didn’t want to lose her. 

Your hands are running through her soft locks and your left cheek is resting against her forehead. “I love you Wan-ah,” you say it so quietly that you’re not sure she heard you. You’re positive she didn’t hear the crack in your voice or notice how this time when you said it, it wasn’t in the way she was used to.

You don’t know why suddenly you feel like right now you should confess but the feeling is clawing at your heart. And seeing Seungwan curled up in your blanket with the smile of a complete goddess on her face, face lit up happily― you knew that you had to tell her. 

You often acted off impulse and that was one of the things Seungwan would tease you about. Thinking things through wasn’t your best fort and you’ve been thinking things through enough with trying to sort out your feelings for your best friend. If you’re being honest here then you’re terrified. You’re absolutely terrified about what’s going to happen when she finds out you have feelings for her and how long it has been going on.

Will she hate me? Will she think different of me? What if she doesn’t look at me the same… What if this changes things forever and not in the way I want it to. Thoughts ran through your head so fast it was as if they were chasing each other, tempting you to open your mouth and spill how you’ve been feeling these past few years.

“I love you too,” her voice is pulling you out of your torn thoughts again. This time however her wide eyes are looking up at you and when she sees you teary eyes, immediate worry crashes through her and she pulls out of your hold. Her hands are instantly cupping your cheeks and her worry-filled eyes are searching your teary ones. “What‘s wrong? Y/N is there something you’re not telling me? Where is this coming from?” She asks all at once, her voice still calm but it’s rushed and you can tell she’s concerned.

Seungwan’s heart breaks when she sees the first tear drop down your cheek. She doesn’t know what to do because she doesn’t know what is the cause of your pain. Seeing you like this made her own eyes gloss over. “Please talk to me,” Seungwan says and her voice is desperate, wanting to know what is going on so she can help you. She hates not being able to care for you and right now she can’t care for you fully if you’re not willing to speak.

“I’m sorry,” this comes out as a soft cry and the way Seungwan’s whole face turns down is painful. “I’m sorry, please don’t be upset,” and saying this awakens some rage in her. You’re crying and yet you want to apologize and think she is upset?  Knowing each other for the majority of your lives, you two have the tendency to care for one another more than oneself at times. 

“Y/N stop,” she says, shaking her head firmly. “You’re crying and you don’t want me to be upset. It’s not about me right now, princess, okay? It’s about you and how you’re feeling. So, please― please talk to me,” Seungwan begs softy, thumbs wiping away your tears that keep falling.

“It is about you though,” You whisper and Seungwan’s thumbs stop their movements, confusion and hurt hitting her at the same time. What had she done to make her best friend cry like this? Seeing the look on Seungwan’s face, you don’t know what to say but you know it hurts. It hurts so much seeing her hurt because of you. Because you want to be selfish and decide that now is the time to tell her you have feelings for her.

You think about how ridiculous you might look right now. Cheeks streaked with tears, eyes puffy from crying and face flushed. Your hair still has the dye in it and is parted in crazy sections to keep your hair up. Now probably wasn’t the best time to tell her.

“I love you,” is all you say but for some reason, Seungwan feels like there is more to it. She’s waiting in anticipation of what you have to say and she knows shouldn’t say anything. “But not in the way that you love me,” you add in slowly because you know she’s going to have to process it.

It takes Seungwan a few minutes to catch on and in those few minutes, you held your breath. She looked at you with her head tilted to the right slightly and lips pursed in thought. When the realization came upon her, you watched her face drop and heard your heart shatter.

 “Y/N…” she trails off sadly but you shake your head, already standing up from the couch and you feel the tears falling again. What did I expect, you thought to yourself. “I’m sorry,” she whispers and stands up after you. “I’m so sorry but I don’t love you like that but you’re still my best friend,” Seungwan was starting to cry now, afraid she is going to lose you because she doesn’t feel the same.

“Y-You don’t hate me?” You choke out in surprise, watching the girl from your blurred vision shake her head quickly. Even though Seungwan doesn’t feel the same way and she doesn’t think she could ever; she still loves you regardless.

“I could never hate you,” she admits with a cute pout that makes your heart hurt even more. It makes you feel the slightest better hearing that so you smile. You wipe away your tears with shaky fingers.

You don’t think you could stand to be in her presence currently. You have to admit you’re really hurt. You know facing the harsh truth was going to be rough but you didn’t expect it to hurt this bad. You guess now you can try to move on with Seungwan knowing about your feelings and it finally being off your chest. That heavy feeling lifted but was replaced with a heavier one. One that you knew would take longer to leave.

“You should get going now,” you say after clearing your throat and Seungwan looks at you in shock. You two were supposed to spend tonight together and Seungwan couldn’t help but feel like she messed it up even though she didn’t. “I’m getting tired and I’ll wash out the dye on my own,” you tell her, avoiding her eyes.

“Okay,” Seungwan agrees defeatedly. You continue to stand in that spot as she gathers her things and leaves. She turns back to look at you one more time before leaving and the tear that falls from her left eye she is quick to wipe away. She will give you as much space as possible if that means you’re okay and you won’t end up hating her.

You sat on your couch for longer than you thought, just crying. You were twenty minutes late to washing your hair and when it came to, the color was more of a peach than strawberry. The color reminded you of Seungwan’s cheeks whenever she smiled and it made you frown. 

The two of you knew things were going to be different after today.

--

Different things were, indeed.

It’s been a month since you confessed to your best friend. It took a week to get back to normal― well, as normal as things could get. You showed up at one of her dance practices and she was elated to see you, automatically hugging you. Even hugging each other felt different. Especially now that the two of you were really aware of one another’s feelings.

You assured her that everything was fine between you and she had hugged you tighter, going on about how relieved she was that you’re talking to her. 

As the weeks went on, Seungwan also found a change within herself. She started to really pay attention to you; probably more than she had ever done in her life. She noticed the way your left eye would twitch whenever something irritated you or the way you would smile the smallest of smiles whenever she spoke. What she noticed the most is how little you have been talking to her.

Her affection was more excessive and if you didn’t know better then you would’ve thought she was the one in love with you. If Seungwan is being honest then she has thought about you romantically before. It was a few years back though and ever since she had locked those thoughts in a faraway corner in her mind. She couldn’t let that ruin your friendship.

Now that she’s aware of your feelings for her, it doesn’t change how much she already loves you. Nothing you do can change that. She just feels like now you’re pushing yourself away and she’s scared this might be it for you guys.

The night things really changed was when Seungwan was in the dorms, sulking to her close friend and bandmate, Joohyun. She was complaining about how distant you have become since she confessed.

“I just feel like there’s more I can do, you know? Like I don’t know what I could’ve done because I don’t feel the same but she’s hurting and I know it. It’s all because my dumb heart can’t see past our friendship,” Seungwan rants, this going on for the tenth minute. Joohyun listens intently with a growing smile on her face.

“And I love her so much unnie. She’s my whole world and more,” Seungwan explains with a sad laugh. “I don’t feel as complete when I’m not around her but when I’m with her it’s like I can breathe again. I know I’m busy all the time but I make time for her… I’d do anything for Y/N.”

“Wendy-ah,” Joohyun speaks softly and it gains her attention. “I’m not an expert at love but I’m pretty sure you’re in love with your best friend.”

“What?” Seungwan’s voice comes out as a whisper but she doesn’t recoil at the words. She knows that deep down, Joohyun is right. 

“This whole time you’ve been talking to me I noticed the way you talked about Y/N. I haven’t heard you talk about anyone like that and I’ve never really been in love myself but I’ve heard about it. And this right here is love,” Joohyun says calmly. Seungwan’s brown eyes are glazing over with tears and she feels even worse when coming to the realization herself.

“Oh god, she’s going to hate me,” Seungwan whines dramatically but Joohyun squeezes her arm to calm her.

“I don’t think anything can make Y/N hate you,” Joohyun speaks just as Seulgi strolls into the living room. “Oh yeah, that girl is so in love with you I might just fall in love with you to see what all the hype is about,” Seulgi playfully says and it makes Seungwan laugh.

“Tell her,” Joohyun advises and at Seungwan’s wide-eyed look, she nods towards the front door. “Go to her and tell her how you feel. Say it, write it, sing it― just tell her before it’s too late.”

Hearing that gives Seungwan the spark of confidence and motivation she didn’t know she needed until now. “Thank you unnie, you’re the best and I love you,” Seungwan rushes out as she stands from the couch. After putting on her shoes, Seungwan nearly dashes out of the house.

Meanwhile, you just got out the shower a few minutes ago and is sitting in front of your vanity, drying your pale blue hair that you had dyed a week ago. You hum to a song that plays softly in the background from your speaker. Your day had been a busy one, booked with taking shots of a soon to be married couple. It was adorable to say the east and it made you happy seeing people in love.

You hadn’t really talked to your best friend these past couple of days because of how busy the two of you were. But you were purposefully ignoring Seungwan for your own good. Even if she would text you late after one of her practices, as usual, to hang out you would dodge her or pretend to be tired.

You still weren’t over the heartbreaking rejection you had received from her. And you’re mad at yourself for distancing yourself but you don’t know what else to do. You want to move on so you won’t have to continue feeling this hurt. You always thought that if Seungwan rejected you, it would be easier to move on but it was harder than you thought.

At the sound of the door being pounded on, you jolt in surprise and drop the brush from your hands. You look outside your window to find that it’s pouring down with rain and you hadn’t even noticed. Who would be knocking this late at night and traveling in the horrendous weather?

With a sigh, you leave your room and walk to the front entrance while throwing your hair up in a loose ponytail. You swing open the door without seeing who it is but when you do, you’re taken aback.

“Seungwan?” You breathe out in shock at the small girl standing in front of you, dripping wet from the rain and shivering from the cold. “Oh, my god, what are you doing? Get in here,” you grab her hand and pull her in. You leave to get a towel and when you return to her, you’re quick to wrap it around her. 

“Hi,” she whispers sheepishly but you’re frustrated at how reckless her actions are right now.

“Are you out of your damn mind? You can get sick!” you cry out but Seungwan doesn’t seem to care. You notice how her mind seems to be elsewhere and she’s not even worried about the condition she’s in. “And why are you looking at me like that? Is there something on my face?” You ask with a frustrated huff, hands going to your face that was just thoroughly washed.

You watch with raised eyebrows as Seungwan walks closer to you and just as you open your mouth to ask what she’s doing, she is kissing you. SON SEUNGWAN IS KISSING YOU. the literal girl of your dreams has her lips pressed against yours.

And it’s absolute bliss.

The kiss ignites something within you both that pulls you closer together. This kiss was heaven itself with her small hands cupping your cheeks and lips still on yours; as if she’s afraid to move them. Your eyes were closed and you were succumbing to the taste of Seungwan. No, no this isn’t right, you think with a wince and feel yourself pulling away.

“Why did you do that?” you ask before you even recover from the unexpected kiss.”Is this some sort of joke to you?” You ask next, eyebrows furrowing and newfound hurt and offense taking over that bliss. 

“What? No, Y/N-” Seungwan tries but you stop her with holding a hand up, eyes already starting to burn with oncoming tears. 

“You can’t just kiss people who have feelings for you, Seungwan. It’s not fair,” you admit but Seungwan is shaking her head and you’re confused when you see her teary eyes. Why is she about to cry?

“Y/N, listen to me please,” Seungwan begs, moving closer to you. “I think… I think I’ve always been in love with you. I think I’ve always known but I didn’t want to admit nor acknowledge it which is why I freaked out last month and said I didn’t feel the same. But I do! I swear to god I do and I can’t stand going another day without you knowing.”

Your heart stops hearing her speak what you always wanted to hear and you’re in disbelief. Is this really real? There’s no way Seungwan is standing in front of you telling you how she feels. Not only that but she has felt it for probably even longer than you.

I’ve always been in love with you.

“I’m not lying, just please,” Seungwan stops as a sob works its way past her lips and the sound is enough to make your heart shatter. “Please say something,” Seungwan’s voice is pleading. Her hands are in tiny fists as she clenches the towel in her hands. 

You don’t say anything but your body gravitates forward and you’re hugging her. You hold on to her tight because you still have your best friend. Not only is she your best friend but she has feelings for you too. She is in love with you, too. 

That night the two of you held each other until falling asleep, hearts in sync with one another. 

#this shit sad lowkey #wendy angst #seungwan angst #red velvet angst #red velvet wendy #red velvet fluff #wendy fluff #seungwan fluff #sad shit #might get you in your feels idk #red velvet drables #red velvet scenarios #red velvet imagines #red velvet request #wendy request #red velvet oneshots #wendy oneshots

[doing-all-write]

don’t be a baby part 2

Pairing: Billy x Fem!Reader

Summary: After losing Billy, Reader doesn’t know what to do with herself. After receiving some news about a millionaire who’s been murdering people, she convinces Billy’s old Sky Walker crew to train her so she can take him down. But the mission doesn’t go as planned and suddenly, there’s a man offering her a position on an elite team...

Read part 1 HERE

Word Count: 14K

Warnings: Swearing, blood, fight sequences, needles, mentions of smut and talk of depression. 

A/N: HAPPY VALENTINES DAY AND HERE IT IS!!! Part two of don’t be a baby!! Thank you all so so much for your patience, I wanted to be sure this story was perfect and I hope all love it! Once again, a HUGE thank you to @itsabenthing​ who is always a wonderful source of inspiration and helps to keep me on track and to @mrhoemazzello​ for hyping me up at all times and for letting me bounce ideas off her!! And don’t worry...there will be a third part 😉

💖💖As always, likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated! 💖💖

365 days.

That's not a long time.

A year on Neptune is the equivalent of 164 years on Earth. Bowhead whales can live up to 200 years. The Methuselah tree is 4,700 years old.

365 days is nothing.

What's one lousy year in the grand scheme of things?

Compared to one day.

24 hours to have your whole world ripped out from underneath you. To believe that up is down and down is up. To feel your feet leave the earth as you pitch forward into a tunnel where time passes both far too quickly and not quickly enough.

One 30 second phone call can feel like the longest thing in the world.

To some, 365 days may not feel all that long, but to others?

365 days is far too long.

~One Month After the Funeral~

“(Y/N)? It’s me. You doing okay?” Mark winced when he realized how dumb that question was. 

Setting the bags of food down on the kitchen table, he opened the fridge. His heart clenched when he saw the food he had put there a week ago sitting untouched. 

It had been the worst right after the funeral. When he came over on the days following the funeral she would be in the same clothes he had last seen her in, staring at the wall or ceiling. On good days her cheeks would be dry, on bad days? The tears would soak her pillow case. 

He had nicked Mary, Billy’s sister’s, number from (Y/N)’s phone. Figuring that Mary may have some professional resources she could recommend to get (Y/N) the help she desperately needed to pick herself back up. 

After a few weeks of her catatonic state, she started moving more. But it was almost worse. She was like a zombie. 

He’d tell her maybe she should shower or eat and in slow robotic movements she’d do what he asked, then crawl back into bed. Eyes empty. Flat. 

The passivity broke his heart. 

There hadn’t been a time when Mark and (Y/N) had been growing up when she wasn’t passionate about something. When that familiar light in her eyes had burned bright. 

Without it, it felt like looking at a mannequin of his sister. 

Sighing, he loaded the new food into her fridge. Taking the old stuff out he figured, if it wasn’t moldy, he could feed it to Jean, who was like a human garbage disposal. He claimed grief made him starving. 

As Mark stood up, he faced the bedroom door and felt his shoulders slump forward. He knew what was waiting for him on the other side and he didn’t want to see it. He knew he was a coward but part of him just wanted to walk out the front door and pretend that his sister was on the other side, totally fine, she was just sleeping and he’d come back next week and she’d greet him with a smile and a hug. 

Something he hadn’t seen in, well, in a month. 

Feeling his shoulders creep up towards his ears as he stood outside her bedroom door, he made a conscious effort to relax them. 

“Hey, (Y/N), you awake?” 

Nudging the door open, he peered into her room, taking stock of it. It looked exactly the same as last time he had checked on her. The soft rise and fall of her side underneath her blanket the only movement. Taking a moment to capture how serene she looked, he quietly closed the door behind him, taking a minute to send up a plea that he would do anything, anything, for his sister if it just meant that one day he’d see her up and out of her bed. 

~

A buzzing by her ear woke her up. Groaning, she slapped her hand around the bed, trying in vain to stay semi-unconscious. The buzzing came faster, one right after the other, reminding her of how her phone had acted the day Billy’d died. Heart dropping through the floorboards, her eyes flew open.

Sitting up and shoving the blankets back in one quick motion only caused her to hear a loud thud. Cursing, she crawled over to the edge, allowing her top half to go limp as her bottom half stayed put on her bed. 

Pushing her hair back with one hand she turned her phone over to see what was happening. News alert after news alert was scrolling in. They all said the same thing, 

Local Billionaire Accused of Dumping Toxic Waste in Ocean. 

Her eyebrows knitted together as she read the remainder of the story. There was something tugging at her subconscious as she read. This billionaire, Chase Casewell, had a reputation for being a real prick and after using his family's money to get through business school and have his first idea fail (an app that told Influencers when the best time to post would be) he had made his millions by starting a brand that specialized in shoes, ugly beige monstrosities if she remembered correctly. 

It had just come out that he had instructed the plants that made his shoes to dump the waste into the ocean. The chemicals they’d used had poisoned the water supply, causing the fish to become infected with the chemicals. Then, the local fisherman would catch the fish, take them home to their families, eat them, then the fishermen and their families would end up in the hospital. 

Her hospital.

She sat bolt upright as she remembered the string of mysterious illnesses that had ended up in her ward a few weeks before she had met Billy that first time. If the victims were lucky, they ended up puking their guts out for a few days and, after being hooked up to an IV to re-hydrate, she’d send them on their way.

Others would linger for a few days then quietly slip away. The chemicals flowing through their bloodstream till their veins ran thick with poison, where it finally creeped up to their heart where the poisons would wrap themselves around their most vital organ. Suffocating it until it gave out entirely. 

The one that had affected her the most was Isabella, a small girl with dark braids and a love of Frozen. The only thing that’d make her smile was when (Y/N) would come in with a stuffed Olaf and have him ask her for a warm hug. She had been holding this little girl's hand, watching Frozen when her heart just...gave out. 

She had gone to the funeral but shame and guilt burned bright inside till she felt like there was a beacon surrounding her, letting everyone at the funeral know it was her fault that Isabella had passed away. 

As the pieces clicked together in her mind she felt an inferno roar to life inside her. It burned away the sadness and despair she’d been wallowing in ever since Billy left only to leave behind rage and guilt. The emotions boiled in her stomach, bile climbing up her throat as she stumbled to the bathroom

Collapsing over the toilet, heaving and retching, she knew nothing was coming up but her body worked overtime to expunge the horror she felt in any way it could. Her body spasming as waves of emotions crashed through her system. 

Several minutes passed till she finally felt the nausea start to ebb. Slumping against the wall, she hung her head over the toilet as she took steadying breaths, making sure that her body wasn’t going to rebel again. 

When she lifted her head, she had made a decision. 

~

"Alrigh', alrigh' I'm coming. Quite your bloody knocking you crazy-"

Jean's rant was cut short when he saw (Y/N) on the other side of the door decked out in black athletic gear, hair pulled back in a tight braid. Jean's eyes widened as he made contact with her own eyes. A fire could get started with the steely glint that was reflected back at him. 

"I need you to train me." 

"T-train you?" Jean's hands were instantly coated in sweat as he contemplated what she was talking about. 

"Yes. Like how you trained Billy and Mark. Train me to be a Sky Walker. I can do this." 

Jean rubbed a hand down his face, "(Y/N)...it's late. Maybe we should sleep on this-"

"NO." That one word leapt from her throat in a growl, causing Jean to step back, half shutting the door. Slamming her hand against the door she switched tactics, "Please Jean. There's this prick who's dumping toxic waste into the ocean. So many people were sick and at my hospital because of him." Swallowing thickly, her eyes grew unfocused, "They died...under my watch." 

Jean's shoulders slumped at that admission. With Billy’s death overshadowing everything, he forgot that in her line of work she saw more sickness and death than even he had seen.

But this was the first time since the funeral that he had seen her up and moving. It was the first time that her eyes held any sort of emotion. He couldn’t bear to be the one that extinguished it. He couldn’t do that to her. Or to Mark. 

Heaving a sigh he flung his hands up, "Fine. We start in the morning,” Her eyes widened and a small smile crept across her face as she stepped forward into his apartment until he held a hand out to stop her, “Now let me go back to sleep so I don't pass out on you mid training session and we both die." 

~Three Months After the Funeral~

Are you ready for it? 

The bass thumped through her headphones, as her fists made contact with the punching bag in front of her in time to the beat. Staying light on her toes, she bounded back and forth, jabbing, punching, upper cutting, swaying in and out as she danced around the bag. 

She had been here for hours. The 24-hour gym had cleared out earlier, now it was just her and other people who couldn't sleep or worked weird hours.

As the last line of the song faded she put her hands on her hips, pacing over to her backpack. 

Rooting through it, she located her water bottle, taking long pulls from it as her heart beat slowed down. 

Boxing had been one of the only things that was able to take her mind off of, well, everything. 

That and running. Everyone and their mother had told her to try yoga after they’d heard what happened, telling her it would help to "quiet her mind" but the more time she spent sitting still, the more she could feel Billy's hand slipping from hers as he walked out of her apartment for the last time. 

She gave it up when a panic attack had taken over her system in downward dog. 

Activities that let her be alone, that let her get her aggression out, were the most beneficial. 

Plus, it helped with the Sky Walker training she’d been receiving from Mark and Jean.

After she’d shown up at Jean’s door that night, she arrived on his doorstep bright and early the next morning, knowing that she’d have to knock extra loud to make sure Jean actually woke up. Which is why it shocked her that before she could even knock on the door, Jean had swung it open to reveal him and Mark standing in front of her, looking for all the world like two parents ready to scold their child for staying out past curfew. 

Smirking she shrugged, “Sorry I missed curfew.”

Mark’s mouth twitched and she knew that, with him at least, she was off the hook. 

They had sat her down, gone over basic safety information, how they practiced moves on the ground first so they could get comfortable executing them and then took them up into the air. 

Mark’s heart broke at how alert and interested she was. It was the first time in months he saw her engage with others and it killed him that this was what it was taking to bring her back from the brink. 

Ever since then, she had been training with them to prepare for this mission, to learn the necessary skills she’d need to break in, to keep herself alive. She had convinced Mark and Jean that the plan she had for Chase was a one-woman job. She told them that if she couldn’t pick up on everything in six months then she would let one of them help her on this mission. 

But she knew she wouldn’t need their help. When Mark and Jean taught her how to fight, how to dodge opponents, how to protect herself in a fight, her Nurse Brain kicked into high gear.  

When they’d break down certain tricks she was able to picture the exact muscles, ligaments and bones that would need to be strengthened, how they would need to move to be able to complete the move perfectly. 

She was even able to break down fight sequences just from observing her opponents moves. Looking at how certain muscles tensed, what foot they’d lead with, how their fist was turned, it all helped her get the upper hand in any fight. 

Knowing pressure points and which joints were the weakest were an added benefit during these training sessions. 

(After she almost dislocated Jean’s knee, he had limped away, bellowing about how she needed to seriously remember who the enemy was and it “bloody well isn’t me! I like the ocean! I’ve never even been to Sea World, that’s how much I like the ocean!” 

 All of it added up to her progressing in her training more rapidly than Mark or Jean felt comfortable with.

They couldn’t help being impressed though. She was mastering moves that had taken them years to nail down. But she took to it with a single-minded determinism that worried them, especially Jean. 

Training was all (Y/N) cared or wanted to talk about. Mark told him that she’d started working out at all hours. Lifting, running and boxing being the newest activity she had added to her repertoire and while he felt it was a smart move, he couldn’t help but be worried. Every time she was training, he’d seen a fatalistic look in her eyes. It was a look he was all too familiar with, it was a common look in Sky Walkers. But those individuals were always the highest risk cases.

Those were the Sky Walkers who didn't value their own safety. They kept pushing and pushing until mortality pushed back and said, You want to keep going? Fine. You pushed too far and now I'm going to punish you. 

The worst part was, in his experience, there was no use trying to tell those individuals to slow down. They inevitably sped up to spite the person who told them to slow down. Jean didn't want Mark to lose his sister too. 

After a particularly intense training session, he hesitantly brought it up to Mark who only snorted, 

"I already lost her."

"What do you mean?"

Mark shot him an incredulous stare, "You're kidding right? You've seen how much she's changed since Billy left. That's not my sister. I still hope like hell (Y/N)'s underneath this new exterior but...I don't know who this new woman is. And frankly, I don’t want to know who she is.”

She hadn’t told Mark but she’d heard him say that. She knew she wasn’t the same woman but this was the one thing in her life that had made her feel alive since the funeral. She didn’t want to give it up. 

They’re just going to have to get used to it. She thought as she unwrapped the bright pink wraps from her hands. Rooting through her backpack, she made sure she had everything. Slinging her bag over her shoulders, she queued up her running playlist. 

Striding toward the front door she gave the obligatory head nod to all the members still in the facility. 

Shoving the door open, the wind that had buffeted the building all night slapped her in the face. Eyes tearing up, she adjusted the straps of her backpack, hit play and started to jog back to her apartment. 

Demons!

Come on!

You've got a vision,

You're on a mission!

~~~

He almost missed her. 

The all black clothing she had taken to wearing, combined with how the last vestiges of red in the sky were quickly being overrun by the inky black of the night sky made him worried she’d left without him realizing. 

Seeing the door open, light spilling out and illuminating her form, he breathed a sigh of relief. Watching her jog off into the night, he leapt up from his crouched position on the building next door to the gym. 

Giving (Y/N) a head start, he waited a few beats before taking off after her. Keeping her in his sight but sticking close to the shadows. Every time he saw a form approaching her, he put on a fresh burst of speed; anxiety spiking through his blood at the prospect of her getting in harm's way helping him to power through. After they passed without incident, he breathed a sigh of relief. 

He had done this for a few nights now. 

One had told him they wouldn't head out to HQ for a while, something about needing to wrap things up but he didn't question it. It gave him time to check on her. 

Recently, he was getting nervous that she had started to...he hated sounding like a hippie but...she had started to sense his presence.

Like their souls burned too brightly together so the universe made it so they would never be lost in the dark as long as they were near each other’s light.   

A few weeks ago, he had been following her to her apartment after she left Mark and Jean's. He had been wearing all black, a few feet away, on the roof of a building far above her. 

She had stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, tilted her head up and stared right where Billy had been standing. He’d dropped like a rock to the concrete floor of the roof, trying to stifle his breathing, which after almost passing out, realized would be insane if she could hear that. 

There had been several other times where there was no possible way (Y/N) should have been able to tell where he was and yet...

She'd look up, right in the direction of where he was and every time, he sent out a plea, See me. Please. Know that I'm here. That I love you. That I never wanted to leave you. Just, please.

Please don't think I broke my promise.

~Seven Months After the Funeral~

She thought the knuckles on her hand were going to pop out of her skin.

Clenching the steering wheel, she chastised herself for making this process so exceedingly difficult. 

Just let go of the wheel. She scolded herself, Release your finger. Just the pinky finger. It won't be too hard. C'mon, don't be a- 

She cut that thought off quickly. 

Too many memories weighed down four little words and if she wasn't careful, they would drag her into the inky blackness of depression. She couldn't risk it. Not with a mission coming up. 

The breath leaving her mouth shuddered out of her like the wind through an old house. Her chest felt too tight, like each breath made her lungs smaller, not bigger.

This isn't how he'd want to see you. 

Like a flash of lightning, the thought illuminated everything and for a second, the world was crystal clear. Her fingers slipped from the wheel only to land dully in her lap, where they curled in on themselves so they looked like dead bugs. 

Snorting, she figured it would be appropriate they looked like dead bugs considering she was in a cemetery. 

Sun shining down, the sky a cloudless blue, made it impossible to not think of his eyes and how they had looked at her in the full light of day. That one day they’d had together.

Those perfect 24 hours. 

Funny how time constricts and bends so some events pass in the blink of an eye while others pass by like a train at a train crossing when you're running late to work. 

Shaking her head, she bowed her head and closed her eyes. The darkness was a welcome reprieve. But not always.

Sleep had become the bogey man at the end of her bed. Sleeping wasn't a relaxing activity, it was prey she had to stalk and take down before it could get her. It wasn't that there were so many nightmares plaguing her, it was just one nightmare.

It was horrible enough that most nights, she didn't even fully fall asleep, it was more like a deep meditative state. The thought that that one nightmare could overwhelm her was enough to make her not want to sleep ever again. The first time the nightmare came to her was a week after his funeral:

Fog would be swirling around her, swallowing up everything in her path. Taking hesitant steps forward, Billy's form would become clearer as she moved forward. Her heart beat speeding up as she saw Billy peering over the edge of the building. 

Suddenly, realization would crash into her like a train. This wasn't just any building. This was the building that Billy had last been seen running across. Knowing that there was nothing on the other side, she would rush forward to warn him, to pull him back, to crush his body to hers and never let him go.

She needed to warn him, to save him. But no matter how fast she pumped her legs, Billy stayed the same distance away. His legs would tense and that's when she'd start screaming. Her vocal cords stretched to their breaking point as she rushed towards him. But before she could reach him, he'd leap into the air, disappear into the fog and...

That's when she'd wake up. Face wet with tears, the last of her screams dying in her throat. 

She always screamed the same thing. 

Billy! Stay!

The first few times she hadn't realized she was actually screaming those words aloud until a neighbor of hers knocked on her door, asking her if she was okay.

She never knew how to answer that question.

It was such an odd one. Mark and Jean asked her that all the time. Whenever they did, she'd grit her teeth and spit out that she was fine because how else was she supposed to answer that question? 

"Actually Mark, Jean, I'm so glad you asked because I'm not okay and I probably never will be again because the only man I ever loved and trusted, up and broke said trust! Oh, and did I also mention he's dead?"

That's how she wanted to answer their asinine question but by the time she felt like she could get those words out, most people had moved on from Billy. Because people always do.

But not her. 

Though, it hadn't taken long for her to want to sleep with someone else. She figured it would help her heal. 

At the very least provide a necessary distraction.

It was always the same. 

Normally, they'd lock eyes across the bar. Raising her glass of scotch she got every time she went to the same bar with the sticky floors, burnt out bulbs and rickety chairs, she'd lift it towards him in a kind of salute. When he'd smirk back and do the same, she'd quirk an eyebrow only to throw back the drink in one go. The thud of glass on wood signaling to the bartender to pour her another. 

Nine times out of ten, their eyes would immediately become hooded with lust (every now and again, one would take a drink at the same time and choke on his own drink at the action.) A smirk would play across his lips as he'd bring his own glass to his lips and drain it in one go.

Men. God forbid a woman out do them in anything. She always thought ruefully as she'd watch her next victim unfold themselves from the bar stool they were seated on to slip into the empty seat next to her. 

There were rules. She refused to sleep with blondes. She had one time. She had moaned out Billy's name and immediately started crying. When the man with her had tried to comfort her she had pushed him away, screaming at him to get out of her apartment.

The other rule was, no sleepovers. Having men sleep over usually meant they overstayed their welcome and she didn't want them getting comfortable anymore than she wanted to spend the night in a bed that wasn't hers. 

Once the rules had been established, it was the same shit with a slightly different dude. They'd engage in flirty banter, a well-timed arm touch, a glance up at him through her lashes, one more drink and then they'd be in the back of a Lyft, hands everywhere, and then a few hours later she'd be back in a Lyft (one time, the same Lyft driver who had dropped them off had picked her up, alone, offering a hive five as she got out of the car) to go back to her apartment.

Alone. 

Most nights she wondered why she did it. Why she was constantly hunting for that same jolt of electricity that she’d had with Billy. Every time her encounters ended, she always wondered what the point of doing this was. Why did she bother when every man she interacted with came up hilariously short? 

She had tried to make it work, to forget him, but the entire time some man would be kissing her, caressing her, touching her, there was always a part of her that was thinking of another man's tattooed, calloused hands on her body. 

A rap on the window caused her to jump, clenching her hands back into fists as Mark waved, sheepishly, at her from the other side of the glass. The flowers grasped in his fist swayed in the breeze. 

Stepping out of her car, Mark moved to hug her. Holding out her hand to stop him she growled, "I'm already on edge. Don't make it worse." Striding around him and towards the plot of land where the box that Billy was supposed to be in laid dormant under the soil.

A place holder.

Nothing more. 

Mark's shoulders sank as he watched her go. Physical contact had been difficult for her since Billy had gone. It was small, but he noticed. Every time he pulled her into a hug when she showed up at training, she'd stiffen, then it turned into her barely reciprocating until she refused them altogether. It made his heart ache, she used to hug everyone no matter if they had known each forever or four minutes. 

But then again, she'd just become more withdrawn in general. It broke his heart to see it. Watching her light fade and dim, it was like a star becoming a black hole. 

Crunching through the sun dried grass toward the plot, she kept her head down, barreling towards her destination. Figuring that if she walked faster, she could outpace her thoughts before they could catch up with her and the realization of where she was and where she was headed could crush her. 

This was the first time they were visiting Billy's grave since she’d started training to become a Sky Walker. Mark and Jean had tried to get her to go sooner but it hadn't been until Mary asked (Y/N) if she would meet her there did she finally acquiesce.  

The only memory she had of Mary was after the funeral. Watching Mary and her mother walk arm in arm back to their car, their shared grief following them like a cloud. 

At that moment, (Y/N) had envied them. They had each other. Their shared love for Billy would be a balm, it would help them try to heal. She only had herself and her memories. Neither of which were particularly warm or comforting at the moment.

"Whoa, easy." Two hands wrapped around her biceps, bringing her to an abrupt stop. 

Looking up, she was met with the same sky blue eyes that Billy had, framed by lashes that were almost as long as Billy's. Blond hair pulled back into a ponytail, Mary smiled ruefully at her, "Just trying to get this over with huh?" 

Forcing herself to swallow over the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat, she nodded wordlessly. Mary's eyes took in her form, noting how her clothes seemed to hang on her, the dull, flinty look her eyes had. Mutely, she linked her arm through (Y/N)'s, pulling her into her side. 

Taking a deep breath, they both turned to look at the headstone in front of them. Seeing his name carved into stone caused her heart to speed up. Scolding herself for being so silly for getting twitter-patted over his name. What was she, fourteen? 

But she couldn't help it. 

"It's weird." 

Humming in acknowledgment, (Y/N) didn't know if Mary meant them being here together, the fact that her brother was dead or just the world in general. 

"It's weird that that little line," Mary gestured toward the line in between the numbers that marked when he had been born and when he died, "is supposed to represent his whole life. Everything he said and did. Everyone he loved."

The emotional toll of hearing those words uttered by his sister caused all of the air in (Y/N)'s lungs to leave, her heart to splinter into even tinier parts. Wobbling, she grasped Mary's arm tightly as Mary wound another arm around (Y/N)'s waist to keep her upright. 

“(Y/N!) Easy, you okay?" 

The weight of Mark's hand on her shoulder helped ground her in reality. Her twisted reality where it wasn't Billy's hand on her shoulder. And it never would be again.

Straightening up, she tugged on the end of her coat, shaking her head, "Yeah. Yes. I'm fine. Just, it's a lot." 

Mark nodded, eyes taking in his sisters appearance, trying not to seem too shocked that this was the most she had revealed her feelings to him, to anyone, in the past few weeks.  

Locking eyes with Mary's blue ones over top of (Y/N)'s head, he mouthed a quick thank you in which she inclined her head to show she understood. 

Mark had been in contact with Mary constantly. First it was getting names of counselors and support groups to help his sister heal, then it turned into them talking and developing a...something. They had developed a relationship that neither were sure what to call but seeing her here caused his heart to flutter. 

Feeling (Y/N)’s shoulders rise and fall, he lifted his arm so she could step out from underneath them, "I'll see you guys later." 

Opening his mouth, Mark tried to protest but when he felt Mary's hand land on his bicep, he closed it. (Y/N)'s all black form grew to be a small speck on the blue horizon. 

He was surprised the whole ground didn't open up to swallow her at that moment. She looked like a specter of death. But he supposed what she really was was worse. She was a casualty of death, and there was no hope for that. 

~Nine Months After the Funeral~

A few months of intense training later, after she had executed one of the most difficult tricks Jean and Mark had designed, Jean finally told her she was ready to go after Chase. 

"Fucking finally." she groaned, wiping the sweat from her face with the bottom of her shirt, “I’m going to rinse off and change, then meet me at my apartment!” she yelled over her shoulder as she raced to the locker room. 

Jean nodded and several minutes later, hair still damp, raised a fist to knock on her front door. Before he could knock, the door swung open to reveal her laptop open and her kitchen table covered with charts, maps and blueprints of Chase’s compound. 

“What took you so long?” 

Jean whistled as he took it all in, "When did you do this?" 

"When I first read that news article about Chase. So..here's what I'm thinking." Laying out her plan, Jean couldn't help feeling impressed. It was foolproof. He was also relieved that all she wanted was to bring Chase to justice, share his personal files with the government and the entire Internet so she could expose him then get the hell out of there.

As she laid out the plan she was careful not to mention how much Chase needed to pay for all the lives he took with his negligence and selfishness. She kept emotion out of her tone, just the facts, as she walked Jean through her plan to bring Chase to justice. 

But she knew justice wouldn’t be enough. 

Justice was never enough for people like that. Because the rules of justice were skewed so men like that always got off scot free. In her heart of hearts, she knew it didn’t matter if she leaked every atrocious thing he’d ever done. He'd be back out in the public eye in a few years and no one would bat an eyelash because he had money, power and privilege. The three most essential ingredients to make any good villain. 

She wouldn't be able to live with herself if this man was able to walk away. If she didn't do right by Isabella, she didn't know how she'd be able to continue living with herself. 

"From there, I'll get the files, download them to the flash drive, hack into the mainframe, deposit them there and then get the hell out. Minimal damage, minimal casualties, maximum impact." 

"That's how most people describe having sex with me." 

"I don't have time to unpack how distressing all of that is right now but, what do you think? Is it doable? And will you and Mark help me?" 

Jean's eyes scanned the blueprints before him. He saw how her fingers were beating an erratic beat on her thighs, how her feet constantly shifted as if she wanted to take off in a million directions at once. This was the most animated he'd seen her in weeks. He knew this may be their only chance to really get her settled, let her burn off some steam with a mission and then they could get her back to her old self. 

Heaving a giant sigh, he hung his head down, "Fucking fine. We'll do it. BUT," his head snapped up and almost felt bad when he saw the smile that had slipped across her face fade. Almost. "You listen to us. Mark and I have final say in all of this. Got it? We've done this before and while you'll be the one in the field, we have markedly more experience so let us do what we do best. Got it?" 

He stuck out his hand for her to shake. Her (Y/E/C) eyes flitted over his features, seeing if he'd break or if he was just pulling her leg. When she saw nothing but sincerity looking back at her, she slipped her hand into his. "Deal." 

Jean almost started crying when a sparkle caught his eye, her thumb had a final bit of pink sparkly nail polish on it, making him wonder if he had made a terrible mistake. 

~A Week Later~

"I'm in." 

Part of her always cringed whenever she said those two words. She couldn't help but think of a shaggy haired, pre-pubescent 12-year old, huddled over their laptop, fingers clacking frantically, the glow of their computer screen the only thing illuminating the Mountain Dew bottles surrounding them.

But, it just came with the job she supposed. 

Creeping along the hall, she checked over her shoulder. Feeling the familiar flutter of adrenaline spike in her stomach, she reached for the package that was hidden in her pocket. As her fingers brushed over its cylindrical shape she felt her shoulders relax. Then, she moved her hand down further to make sure the knife she’d strapped to her thigh was still firmly in place, that really helped her to relax. 

She quickly sent up a thank you to Cassandra, wherever she was, for leaving her knife sharpening kit at Mark’s place. The linoleum underneath her feet reflected the dim red light that ran along the length of the hallway. 

"In 20 feet you're going to reach the checkpoint. Remember, there's a big ass-"

"Grid of invisible wires, yeah yeah. I know, Jean. We went over this a million times." 

"Well, with how little you pay attention during those meetings I'm surprised you can even remember the address." 

"How about you shut the fuck up and let me do my damn job?" she snarled into her comms. 

Blocks away, Jean ripped his headset off to shake his head at Mark who just sighed, eyes never leaving the computer screen where his sisters grainy form was seen lurking towards the wire netting, "I know, dude. I know."

"Fucking Billy. If only he hadn't-"

"Jean. Please. We all still wish he was here. Don't make it harder."

Huffing out a breath, Jean turned back to the keyboard, shoving his headphones back into place as he deactivated the alarms to the rooms (Y/N) needed to get in to. 

Throwing a strand of her hair into the hallway, she nodded when it settled to the floor without getting zapped. 

"You really don't trust me, do you (Y/N)?

"I trust you, I just don't trust the security protocols in this place. A fortress like this has to have backups of the backups." 

"Bitch! That's why we're here!" 

Snorting at how high Jean's tone had gotten, she continued prowling toward the door that led into Chase’s inner sanctum. He didn't let anyone but a select few into the room that was waiting for her at the end of the hallway. It was where he kept all of his documents, where he entertained foreign emissaries and got them to sign off on him dumping his toxic waste in the water because who cared about people's health when he could make a few more dollars? 

Shaking her head to straighten her brain out, she took a deep breath as she tread closer to the intimidating mahogany door that loomed before her. 

Glancing down, she saw the pad to the left of the door, they needed a retinal scan to get in. She waited as from miles away, Mark's hands were flying over the keyboard as he worked his magic. Using a close up image of Chase's eye they had captured a few weeks ago, he embedded it into the code for the lock. When it lit up green she smirked, "Thanks, big brother." 

"Don't thank me yet. Expose that fucking loser and come home safely. Then we can talk." 

Nudging the door open, she made a beeline for the imposing white desk in front of the picture window looking out over, ironically, the ocean. Rolling her eyes, she briskly walked over to his computer. Fingers gliding over the keys, fishing around in the pocket of her black athletic leggings, she cursed, "Why the FUCK do women's pockets always have to be so small."

"It's just another way for the patriarchy to keep you down. Hard on, sister."

Pausing in her actions, she raised her eyes up, fixing on a distant point as she opened and closed her mouth, ready to correct Jean when Mark's voice rang through her comms, "He's got the right spirit. Just let him have this." 

Shrugging, she bent down to the task at hand, inserting the USB, opening up files and dumping them onto the Internet and sending them to the entire UN Embassy, every government official, Greenpeace and the whole world to condemn this monster. 

As she finished uploading the last of Chase’s files to the EPA’s mainframe, she heard footsteps approaching. 

And right on time. 

"Uhh, (Y/N)? Don't mean to alarm you but Chase himself and four armed guards are barreling down on you. Get out the window NOW and meet at the rendezvous point." 

Hearing how Mark's voice shook on the last word caused her to pause for a fraction of a second, wondering if she was making the right choice. Like a flash, she shook herself from her stupor and straightened up. Pulling the USB out of the computer she dropped it into her pocket, reaching a finger up to disconnect her comms, "I know. I planned for it. Sorry boys. I’ll see you on the other side" She clicked her comms off just as she heard Jean and Mark start to protest.  

Closing her eyes, she rolled her shoulders. Reaching back into her pocket she took out the extra package she’d been carrying and set it on the desk.

Carefully, she extracted the vile and needle that was inside. 

When the door burst open, all Chase saw was a woman, silhouetted by moonlight, holding a needle up to the light, tapping it a few times. 

"Nice of you to join me, Chase. Won't you sit down?" she murmured.

"Who the fuck are you, you crazy bitch? I have the entire government on my ass, PETA has threatened with more than one lawsuit and the FBI, EPA and other three letter entities aren't far behind to pick me up and haul me off for the rest of my life. So," he stepped to the edge of the desk, slamming his palms down, "I'll ask one more time. Who.The. FUCK. Are. You?"

Watching the last air bubble pop, she smiled. She had never felt so calm in her life and when her eyes dragged from the needle to meet Chase’s, he was surprised to see a serene looking woman staring back at him. 

"You killed people. So now I'm going to kill you." 

And she lunged forward.

Her hand came down holding the needle, aiming for the largest artery in his neck. Eyes widening, he stumbled back, arms pinwheeling. Knocking the needle from her hand, she watched it twist through the air, the moon reflecting off the glass and then she lost it as it hit the plush carpet without a sound. 

She didn't have too much time to think about it because all of a sudden the four men that had come in with Chase were on her. 

Leaping onto the desk, she wrapped her thighs around the neck of the man closest to her. Thanking Mark for bullying her into never skipping leg day, she squeezed her legs around his neck as he spun wildly, trying to dislodge her. Hands scrambling at her thighs, he dropped to his knees where she unwound her legs from his shoulders, dropping to the ground and turning in one swift motion, she kneed him in the face, turning to the next man as the one on the floor tried in vain to stop the fountain of blood flowing from his nose. 

Another one was right on her as she aimed a punch right to his midsection, hearing an “OOF” leave his mouth, she kicked his legs out from underneath him. As he landed, she raced in between his legs, located his kneecap and with a twist of her wrist, dislocated it with a sharp POP. 

With a howl, he rolled around on the ground as the one with the bloody nose limped over to help. Breathing heavily she turned, only to be faced with the other two bearing down on her. 

Jesus, she thought, Star Wars always led me to believe the bad guys would come at me one at a time. Not all at once. 

It was the last thought she remembered having before she could only focus on trying to make it out alive. 

One of the men grabbed her arm, she grabbed his wrist, finding a pressure point and bore down until his fingers loosened around her wrist. Not letting up, she snapped his wrist and kicked him in the groin. 

As he slumped to the ground, the other one grabbed her ankle, yanking her leg out from underneath her causing her to face plant into the carpet. Her hands scrabbled for anything to hold onto as he dragged her body towards him. Twisting, she reached for her knife. As he reached a hand down toward her throat, she brought it up in one quick motion. 

She rolled away as the man screamed in agony as he searched for his missing finger. Scrambling to her feet, she felt something collide with the back of her head. Her vision began to swim as the carpet came up to meet her face once again. She’d forgotten about the first guard who had been attending to the second man she’d taken down. Now, he stood over her, teeth bared, blood still flowing from his nose, gun cocked and aimed right in between her eyes. 

"Wait!" 

Chase's form became clearer as he knelt down beside her, "You don't deserve to die by a bullet do you?" He cooed as he stroked a finger down her cheek. Turning her head, she tried to snap at his finger but the quick movement caused her to retch. 

Laughing softly, she heard the tap of fingernails hitting a glass vile, "You deserve to die by your own little concoction. It’s much more poetic, don't you think?" 

He leaned over her, bringing his mouth to her ear as he caressed her arm, rubbing two fingers over the crook of her elbow, "Like Romeo and Juliet but, darling Juliet" she hissed as he stabbed the needle into her arm, "This time, Romeo will live. And he'll win." He pressed the release and she felt a tear leak from her eye when suddenly, the world exploded. 

Glass fell over her form like stars falling from the sky as the bright lights of a stealth helicopter illuminated the room. The man with the bloody nose whipped his gun toward the window, firing rapidly but quickly crumpled as someone strode right up to him, and shot him point blank. 

Chase scrambled up, hands out in front of him, "What the fuck is this? Are you CIA? FBI? Listen, I have more money than God, I can set you up for the rest of your life. You'll never have to worry-"

A gunshot was the only answer Chase got. 

"More than one person can have more money than God, ass-wipe." The figure kicked Chase's body as he walked past him, his form swimming before (Y/N) as the poison leaked into her blood stream, "And besides," he knelt down by her form, fingers searching for a pulse, "I use reusable straws because baby turtles are cute as fuck."

Her head lolled to the side as she used the last bits of her strength to see who her savior was. A man with a rugged face stared back as he moved to crouch behind her, cradling her head in his hands as he yelled to someone behind him to hurry the fuck up. 

A second face looked down at her as she felt her eyelids begin to close, the hushed sounds of the man holding her head offering soothing platitudes as she made peace with the fact that she was about to die. 

As the second person rifled through the medical bag they had been carrying, hurriedly pulling out instruments, the last thing she heard was the man whispering into her ear, "Come on darling. Hold on for me. Hold on for him." 

~Three Days Later~

Bright. 

That was her first thought as her eyelids fluttered open and immediately closed upon being assaulted by blinding white light. 

For a wild second she thought she had gone to heaven. 

"I know what you're thinking. Is this heaven? No. It's not. Because if this were heaven I'd be smoking a fat blunt, drinking the finest gin while lying on a nude beach where no living person could bother me. People like you." 

The squeal of chair legs being dragged over the floor caused her to flinch. The voice that spoke was dry, making her wonder if this man ever took anything seriously. And also if he could read minds. 

"Pretty good stunts you pulled out there. You learn that shit from watching Black Widow too many times?" 

Silence. She tried to keep her breath steady so maybe he would think she was still asleep. 

"Sweetheart, I just saw your eyelids crack open a second ago. There's no way in hell you dropped back off to sleep that quickly." 

"Shouldn't I be dead?" It felt like her vocal cords were two pieces of sandpaper rubbing together. The sound that was expunged from her throat was a dry husk.  

"Should be but, like Chase, I have more money than God and a crack team of experts. One of whom happens to know exactly what was in that vial and the antidote for it. You've been stable and asleep for three days now." 

He saw her eyebrows twitch, which he figured was the most reaction he would get out of her. 

Keeping her eyes closed made it easier to digest the information he was throwing at her and to keep her poker face in tact. The voice sounded familiar to her, but she couldn't place where or when, she’d heard it before.

"Is he-?" 

"Dead? Yeah. A half dose of poison most people can come back from, but a bullet right through the skull? Much like Humpty Dumpty, we can't exactly put that back together again." 

She felt her lips twitch and scolded herself for letting any emotion show through. 

"He deserved it."

"I know. And you deserve to use your skills in a better way." Her body stilled, her breath stopped for a beat and when it resumed, the monologue continued, "I have...fuck I hate sounding like Samuel L. Jackson but I have a team. And we could use someone like you." 

Another scraping sound, the soft rustle of fabric moving as the voice sounded like it was coming over her, "Think about it. And I'll contact you. Don't worry. I always keep my promises." 

Her hands clenched, the veins popping out as those five words washed over her like a cold shower.

The clenched hands were all the reaction he needed. 

Hearing his footsteps get softer she reached a hand down and felt a piece of cardstock brush against her finger tips. When the door closed, she cracked open an eyelid to look down at it, but it was blank. 

~~~

Closing the door, One leaned up against the hallway, letting his head knock against the wall of the hospital. 

Four had warned him. 

But this made things incredibly interesting. 

Or difficult. It all depended on how he wanted to view the situation. 

And what she wanted. 

After the funeral, One’d kept a close eye on Four. He knew what kind of pull love could have over a man. And Four was young. The youngest on the team in age, sure, but he let his feelings get the better of him a lot of the time which made him seem even younger. 

Which could be dangerous. And they were already in way too much danger as it was on a daily basis so he needed to nip it in the bud. 

Closing his eyes, he thought about the first time he caught Four. 

~Two Months Ago~

It had been quiet. 

The wind whistled through the various holes that littered the planes, causing sand to get whipped up along with it, tornadoes forming and quickly collapsing. 

One had been awake. He rarely slept but he had been in the Case Room, going over some files. Trying to decide what their next mission needed to be when he heard a noise. 

Keeping his body still, he strained his ears to see if he would hear it again. When he heard the floor creak, he crept to the door, peering out to see who or what it could possibly be. 

Seeing the familiar shape of Four's hoodie, he rolled his eyes. When he saw him creep into the control room, he became suspicious. He knew how tempting the draw was to check on the ones you cared about. But with how emotionally fragile Four had been since he'd joined, he didn't think this was the best idea, but he needed to confirm that’s what he was doing before he blew up on the kid. 

Pushing the door open, he walked down the hallway, being careful to tread lightly so as not to alert Four to his presence till he absolutely needed to. 

Using his years of training, he placed his body precisely so he could look into the room but Four wouldn't be able to see him should he look around. Which, he didn't think would be an issue. Four was engrossed by the screen in front of him, One didn't think a nuclear explosion would cause him to look up. 

Taking his chances, he slunk into the room. Four had footage of an apartment pulled up on the screens. Three people, two guys, one girl, standing around a table. Four had headphones on so One couldn't hear the audio but it looked like the individuals on screen were in the middle of an intense argument. 

Nibbling his thumbnail, Four's eyes were laser focused on the woman as she gesticulated wildly. Blueprints, computer screens and maps littered every available surface of the apartment and One recognized the planning stages of a mission. He got a little closer and recognized the girl on screen as the same one who had been at Four's funeral. 

Four had told him his background on the trip over to HQ. One figured the other two were the ones that were left over from his original Sky Walker crew. 

(He’d roasted Four about that dumbass name for weeks afterward.)

Shaking his head, One heaved a sigh and reached forward to snatch the headphones off Four's head. 

"HEY! Who the bloody hell-" Four's frame twisted up and out of the chair only to come to an immediate stop when he saw who had his headphones dangling from their fingertips. 

"Didn't know The Bachelorette had a new season running! Are they in the hometown segment?"

Four blinked at him, "It's really distressing you know that much about The Bachelorette." 

"What's really distressing is the fact that you're checking up on her. What the fuck do you think you're doing Four?" 

"Look, I'm sorry but-"

"No. There are no buts here. Even if her butt is really nice, you gotta put it behind you dude. Especially her."

"I know that, One but-"

One had started pacing back and forth as he warmed to the topic before him, "Do you know how much money is on the line here? How much is at stake? Our lives, our very existence, this could all blow up at any point and we could die. For real. Or, even worse, the government comes in, blows up our spot and we get sentenced to death. Or worse, jail.  And you yourself have such fond feelings of, what did you call them? The pigs?" One shot Four a disgruntled look at that statement, noting how Four's hands were clenching and unclenching in an attempt to stay cool. 

"Look, One, I just-"

Rounding on him, pointing a finger in his face One roared, "No, Four, you just. You clearly don't want to be part of this team. Clearly I made a mistake in asking you to be part of this if you can't get over the little school girl crush you have on this girl you slept with once and she sucked your dick so well that you mistook it for love-"

His air supply was cut off as Four slammed One up against the wall. The tattoos decorating his hand popped against his skin as he gripped One’s windpipe in a steel trap. For the first time since bringing Four onto the team, One was truly afraid of him and understood why he was so good at what he did. 

The look in Four's eyes cowed One immediately as Four growled out the next few sentences, "You listen up right here, right now you fucking prick," Slamming his head back into the wall One saw stars, "Her name is (Y/N) and she is worth more than any person on this damn planet. She's the best person I’ve ever been with and I’m damn lucky she even deigned to give me the time of day. She’s the reason I even joined this bloody insane operation, so show some fucking respect or I'll have no problem slitting your throat and moving on with my life." 

One's vision was getting black around the edges as he frantically nodded his head at Four’s words. Four let him go where he collapsed to the floor on hands and knees, coughing as Four paced around the room, scrubbing at the shaved sides of his head with his fists. 

After a few seconds of coughing, One rubbed at his throat as he pushed himself up, "You're fucking crazy, dude. Really glad I recruited you. That's the kind of attitude we need out in the field." 

Four shook his head as he let out a humorless laugh as One brushed his hands off, "You don't understand One. You never will." 

"Cut the emo bullshit. We're not in Twilight. We're adults, just tell me what-" He stopped as Four  swiftly turned to face him, eyes pleading,

"She became a Sky Walker, One. She's doing what I used to do because she doesn't think her life has any meaning and that's bullshit. She's my everything, okay? She's the reason I get up in the morning. She's the reason I do this damn job. She's the reason I keep myself alive out there. She's my guiding light. She's the sunshine on a cloudy day and-and” he waved his hands around uselessly as he tried desperately to pull another cliche from thin air, “I don’t know, man. She’s every other cliche you know about how someone makes your world better and she's putting herself at risk because of me" 

One stood stock still as Four took another deep breath in, the fire in his eyes going from an inferno to embers as he stared at the screen where it showed her bending over the blueprints, tracing a line with her finger, "She's the love of my life and-" taking a shuddery breath in One felt his own eyes start to get misty, "Her light is the one thing that keeps me going in this miserable world. And if she's gone, I don't know if I'll make it." A tear made its way down One’s cheek as Four admitted this last part on a whisper. 

One wasn't sure he was supposed to hear that last part but there was stillness as the room held its breath as it waited for what One would have to say, 

"Alright. What do you need from me?" 

Four's eyes snapped to One's. Stepping closer to One, his eyes roved over his face, trying to tell if he meant it, "You're not messing with me are you?" 

"Not in this regard. Probably over something else I will but, what would make you feel better?"

Four took a second to contemplate it, "If she does seem like she's in trouble with this mission, we rescue her.” His eyes widened as he took another step closer to One, “AND, you offer her a spot on the team."

"Four-"

"One it's this or you lose me for good if she-she- '' Four's voice cracked as he turned his head away. Not even able to finish that horrible thought. 

One’s heart squeezed in his chest. Christ, he thought, I’m more invested in their relationship than any bystander should be.  

Groaning, One rubbed the bridge of his nose, "Fucking fine. I'm so going to regret this but...fuck it. If it seems like things are going sideways, we'll step in. I'll offer her a place on the team." Four started to smile but One stepped forward, pointing a finger in his face, "You have to meet with her before she makes her final decision though. I can offer it to her but she gets the final call if she wants to do this thing with us. With you. Got it?"

Nodding frantically, Four closed the gap between the two of them and wrapped One in a hug, "Oh, so we talk about our feelings for two minutes and all of a sudden we're into hugs? Weird."

Four let him go and with one last look at the screens, bade One goodnight. 

Watching him leave, One turned to the screens, watching her analyze the blueprints, writing notes on them occasionally. Leaning on the back of the rolling chair One sighed, "Oh (Y/N), you have no idea what you've done."

~~~

Reaching into his pocket, One slide his phone out, shooting a quick text to Four, 

She’s awake. And alive. Now we wait. 

Heaving a sigh, he glanced down the hallway to see Seven approaching. Making eye contact with One, he raised his arms up as if to say, Well? What's happening?

"Fuck if I know. She's insane.” At Seven’s bug eyed look he quickly backpedaled, “In a good way. I don't think she's insane in, like, a psychological way. Just grieving."

"Oh good because grief is such a good emotion to grapple with in this line of work. Oh, and by the way did we mention that the man she’s grieving is actually alive and well?" 

"You know, sarcasm is really ugly on you. Luckily, I'm not ugly so I can wear sarcasm well." 

Snorting, Seven slumped against the wall next to One, letting his own head thud softly against the wall. Crossing his arms they both stared ahead at an unknowable future.

Seven broke the silence, "What really happens now, One. I mean, I know she's good, we all saw her in action. Taking out all four of those guards? Her entire plan was foolproof. It was impressive, no doubt but this is a tricky situation, one that none of us has ever had to deal with before." 

"I know, I know." One let those four words out on a single huff of breath. Groaning he squeezed his eyes closed, "Why did I have to pick the one man on this earth who's desperately in love with a girl who so happened to be desperately in love with him and then they both went full Batman when they lost each other?"

"Because you see yourself in Four. That's why."

One's eyes slid over to Seven, "That doesn't leave this hallway."

Nodding once to show he understood, Seven pressed himself up. Twisting his body so he was facing One, his posture the only remnant to remind everyone he was once the perfect soldier, "But seriously One, what now. What can I do?"

Pressing his hands against the wall, One heaved himself up with a grunt, "Solve this for me?" The single eyebrow raise was the only answer he got, "Alright, alright. Come on. We need to go back and debrief everyone on this crazy shit. Don't know how I'm going to use small enough words to explain this to Three." 

"You're on your own for that one dude." Seven laughed as they ambled down the hall, laughter dying on his lips his face fell into a serious mask, "How do you think Four's going to handle it?" 

"If I knew I wouldn't be having this charming heart-to-heart with you." 

"Seriously man, you're not even a little bit worried?"

"I'm freaking out dude!" Seven was brought up short as One rounded on him, gesticulating wildly, "This is no man's land! Even more so than this original idea! Four's so deep in his feelings with this girl and she's clearly heartbroken about him being gone and is on a one-woman train toward self-destruction that she's determined to meet him in death and” One’s eyes widened comically, “Ooooh my god I've Romeo and Juliet-ed them. Holy shit, I'm the Nurse. I'm too beautiful to be The Nurse!" 

Gently prying One's hands from his collar, Seven looked him dead in the eye, "You have got to get a grip. You're spiraling and it's making your eyes go in two different directions."

Crushing his eyes closed, One took a deep breath in, "You're right. You're right. I need to get it together. We can handle this." Stepping back One hopped up and down on the balls of his feet, punching the air, "I need you to slap me." 

The crack of Seven's palm making contact with his cheek sent One staggering back several steps. 

"OW! What the fuck? No hesitation? No asking if I was sure?"

"I've been wanting to do that since the day you broke into my apartment." Seven shrugged as One glared at him, cupping his pink cheek.

"Fine, but it did help clear my head. So. Thanks. I guess."

Seven smirked.

"Alright, the plan. Let's talk to Four first. He needs to understand that for this to work, he needs to talk to her one on one. And it has to be her call. We can't influence her. If she wants in, fine but they need to work through their shit. And if she says no? Then we let her walk back to her life. And Four needs to respect that. He has to let her go." 

"Easier said than done. I've seen his face when he looks at pictures of her on his phone." 

"Yeah well, bet you didn't know he's also been following her? Keeping watch over her via surveillance tapes? And tracking her home?”

That brought Seven up short, "No? What the fuck?"

"I know. If it was anybody else's story I would have called the cops ages ago. As it is, it’s kind of romantic"  

~A Week Later~

"We're all ghosts down here. Except, we don't float. One because gravity's intact and two because I'm not a cannibalistic clown." 

"Could've fooled me." 

"Didn't know I recruited fucking Tina Fey over here. Anyway, here's headquarters. Or home sweet home." One said in that same drole way he had of phrasing everything.  

Walking through the punishing desert to get to the graveyard of felled planes had caused a shiver to pass through her. She did her best to suppress it but it was difficult. Passing through the giant hulking masses of steel caused her to feel like she was encroaching on the territory of ancient deities. The area felt loaded with their silence, the carnage keeping a silent watch as their footfalls disrupted the grains of sand that were being buffeted by the wind that swirled through the gaping openings in the bellies of the planes.  

It had been a week since she’d been discharged from the hospital, well, not hospital, but the private sanctuary One had kept her at while she healed.

He had come into her room the day after he had left his card, shock on his face at seeing her sitting up, arms crossed. 

"What the hell do you do and how do I fit into it?" 

The single eyebrow she raised at One prompted him to explain, in detail, everything they did and what it would entail. 

She’d been silent, eyes focused on his face, not making any sounds or moving until he finished his spiel. Then nodding, she asked one question, 

"When do I start?" 

He explained that her death would be easy to fake since she had technically almost died anyway. What he he hadn't told her was he hadn’t made it public just yet, he didn't want to make her brother and friend worry too much. Or give them a false alarm only for her to waltz back from the dead if she couldn’t handle being with Four. 

So, here she was, following One up the stairs of the largest plane carcass. Pushing aside the plastic curtains that did their best to keep sunlight, sand and bugs out, he extended an arm in an exaggerated bow. 

"I do hope it's to your liking Princess." 

"Don't call me that you prick." She murmured as she breezed past him, pausing in the doorway to let her eyes adjust to the dim interior of the plane after being out in the searing sunlight. 

The main room held more computer monitors than she had ever seen. She thought Mark's setup of four monitors had been impressive but the wall of screens staring back at her made her realize how rookie their operation had been. 

A large silver table in the middle held a commanding presence and she knew, instinctively, that One felt most comfortable at the head of it, barking orders while still being able to hit the group in front of him with a sarcastic jab or two. 

Taking a few hesitant steps forward she peered at the weapons lining the back wall. Snorting, she gestured to it lazily, turning her head to pierce One with a gaze, "You preparing for the apocalypse or do I require this much of a security detail?" 

One's face broke into a fake smile as he leaned forward, placing his hands on his knees as he wheezed a few times, "Oh my god, sweetheart, oh god, please, stop, my stomach, it can't take the hilarity anymore, please, god." With that last word the smile dropped from his face and he stood up straight, crossing his arms over his chest, 

"We're a group of vigilantes that have a specific subset of skills that makes us some of the most dangerous people on the planet. We go after the people that are even more dangerous than us. You think we just talk about our feelings and politely ask them to stop committing human rights atrocities?" 

Brushing past her he shook his head, "Unbelievable." Muttering about new blood while he started down the hallway. 

Eyes dancing over the various boards lighting up, she had the unmistakable sense that someone was watching her. One had told her there were five more that she would meet so she wondered if one of them was about to jump her as a weird sort of initiation. 

But when she turned her head to the entrance, there was nothing. 

Just the wind, blowing the plastic flaps back and forth. Scanning over the area she could have sworn the darkest corners contained something that was intrigued with her. Taking a hesitant step forward, One's voice jolted her out of her paranoia, "Hey, Amy Poehler, you coming to share more of your classic wit with the whole class or are you just going to dilly dick around all day? C'mon, I'm a busy man." 

"Coming!" She yelled back, turning on her heel to jog down the hallway after him, turning her head one last time to make sure no ghosts were following. 

~

Billy breathed a sigh of relief. He knew that today was the day he’d have to face her. He and One had discussed it extensively last night. One had been adamant, don't get attached to her being on the team before she explicitly says she wants to stick around, you know the rules, I know Seven changed things a little but this is getting into a whole new territory of softness and on and on while Billy had just sat there, taking it. 

One finally ran out of steam (Billy wondered, not for the first time, if One had a coke addiction to get all the energy he needed) and Billy nodded his head, chewing over everything One had just said. He opened his mouth, preparing to show One how much he understood, how this was him only looking out for the team and adding a valuable asset. What came out of his mouth surprised him and One, 

"I love her. I need her or else I won't make it through this life alive." He lifted his eyes to One and One took a sharp intake of breath. He had never seen Billy so open, so vulnerable. Even when he had been on the brink of dying, twice. 

Searching his blue eyes, One sighed, dragging a hand over his face, squeezing his eyes shut as he scrubbed at his hair, groaning, "Fuck me, I must be getting soft in my old age. FINE. But remember. You have to talk to her. If you two can't work through your shit, she's gone. Poof. Vamoose. Got that? This is her choice. She gets to make the call if she stays, if she wants to work with you and if she leaves. Not you. Capisce?"

Billy nodded, trying his hardest to mask the eagerness he felt at the possibility of being with (Y/N) again. Being around her light, feeling that same pull into her warmth. 

So, how could anyone blame him for wanting to see her as soon as she stepped foot into headquarters? 

He had lurked in the shadows, pulling his hood over his hair, making sure his eyes were concealed. His eyes were her favorite part of him, she had told him during those amazing 24 hours they had shared together. 

Billy couldn't believe it had been 365 days since they had seen each other. It felt like it had gone by so fast. But then again, he’d been all over the world, fighting bad guys and overthrowing dictators, (Y/N) had been living her life. 

And started Sky Walker training which he was going to have to talk to her about that. 

When she walked in, Billy had shrank even farther into the shadows, biting his tongue till he tasted blood, so he wouldn’t scream out her name. 

It was still the same (Y/N) he’d fallen in love with, longer hair, more muscles but what really threw him was her eyes. They were the same color but the warmth that he had come to love was extinguished. Replaced with a flinty resolve that if anyone talked or looked at her, they would get their ass kicked. 

It was the first time that he started to wonder if maybe this was the best idea. And let himself ponder the idea that she could potentially say no. That she wouldn't want to see him. That she would never be able to forgive him.

But he needed to know. He needed to try, he needed to show up for himself and for her. To show her that he still loved her, that he had always loved her. 

Stepping out of the shadows, he pulled his hood down, making his way to the meeting room where they’d be waiting for him.  

It wasn't till he brought his hand down from his hood that he realized his hands were shaking.

~

"Hola, Papi. Who's this lovely lady sitting here? My birthday isn't until next week." Three smirked as he pulled a chair out for himself, aiming a lazy wink at (Y/N). Her months of seducing men just like him in bars kicked in and she winked back, letting a slow smile crawl across her face. 

An intimidating blonde woman kicked his chair as she sank into her own, "I meet your mother and this is the thanks I get?" 

"You know I didn't mean it mi amor. I've only got eyes for you."

"And apparently any other attractive woman in a six mile radius." She extended her hand to (Y/N), "I'm Two. Nice to meet you."

Grasping Two’s hand in her own, she shook it, impressed with the strength of the woman's grip. 

"Well, since you and Two are so happy together, this is my time to shine. I'm Seven." Seven grabbed her hand, pulling it up to his lips and pressed a kiss to it, holding her prone in his stare. He pulled back, winking at her and she felt a blush climb into her cheeks, "(Y/N). You have a much better chance than Three does at getting into these Nike leggings." 

Seven's jaw dropped as One made a retching noise and Five stepped forward, extending her hand "I don't want to get into your leggings but I’m glad there's someone else here who's trained to keep these idiots alive." 

(Y/N) shook her hand, smiling back at her, "Surprised they've lasted this long with just one doctor."

"You and me both." Rolling her eyes she turned to One, "This the one we picked up from Casewell’s joint?” 

“The very same” was One’s reply as he flicked through the folder in his hands. 

Five’s eyebrows rose up as a low whistle escaped her lips, “Shit. Well, I’m definitely glad you came around then. I’m assuming you’re the one who brought the vile of polonium?” 

(Y/N) nodded, very aware of every eye in the room assessing her, sizing her up. It was like being in a room with Cassandra but multiplied by five.

“We saw you in action. Very impressive.” Two chimed in, crossing her arms over her chest. 

Everyone else nodded as she tried her best to tamp out the flush of appreciation building in her cheeks. Snorting, she deflected, “Thanks. I guess you guys couldn’t have stepped in earlier to help, huh?” 

“Sweetheart that’s not really our style. And in case you missed the chopper outside the building, we’re very particular about our style.” Flinging the folder down on the table, One braced his hands on the back of a chair, “So, now you’ve met everyone. The whole Brady Bunch of chucklefucks before you.” 

(Y/N) had been mentally going over everyone's names in her head, when she furrowed her brow, "Hold on, either I’m dumber than I thought or your numbers are all out of whack. Where are Six and Four?"

Seven flicked his eyes to Two. Five shifted in her seat, opening her mouth when One cut her off, "Six is no longer with us and Four will be in shortly. I wanted you to meet the whole team first, get a feel for us, then meet Four and make your decision if you'd want to stay with us."

Cocking her head she flicked her eyes to One, "Why? Is Four like a 4Chan meninist who hates women? Why would he be the catalyst for whether I stay or go?" 

Since meeting him, this was the first time she had seen One at a loss for words. It made her pulse speed up, clenching her hands into fists she tried to ignore the moisture that had started to accumulate on her palms. 

One opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again, only to sigh and rub the bridge of his nose as he moved to the door of the meeting room they had been in, "It's probably easier if we just get this over with. Alright. Everyone out. C'mon hurry up." He waved his hands impatiently at the rest of the team standing around. Reluctantly they all started to move, Seven and Three grumbling about how they didn't want to miss any of the drama. Everyone stopped when her chair clattered to the floor, hands clenched at her sides as she took a step toward the door. 

"What drama? One? What's going on?" She hated how shaky her voice came out but she couldn't help it. What did they mean? Was Four their muscle? Was it a weird hazing thing? Would she have to try to kill this person? Try to make it out of this room alive? 

One was standing half in and half out of the doorway, hand closed over the door knob. Turning back, he locked eyes with her (Y/E/C) ones.  

Her blood ran cold. He looked, sorry. Almost like he pitied her. She was pretty sure One didn't  have feelings so to see this much emotion directed at her? 

She was terrified. 

"It'll all make sense. Just...do what you think is right. Okay? You seem like a smart kid. Trust your gut."

And with those cryptic words he left, shutting the door. Sealing her in to wait for this new threat to emerge. 

~

One walked out of the conference room and ran right into Billy. 

"Jesus, kid. Any closer to me and you'd need to buy me dinner and drinks before that shit."

Billy's eyes looked right through One, "Is she in there? What did you tell her? What's she like? What did she say?" 

One held up his hands to cut off the avalanche of questions, "Yes. The bare minimum by introducing her to everyone. She's like how she was a few minutes ago when you were spying on her, don't think I didn't see you, and she hasn't said anything that I would write home to my own mother about. Oh, except she did tell Seven he could get into her Nike leggings." 

Billy's eye widened and he twisted his body to where the sounds of the team were filtering back to the two of them, "I'll kill him myself if he even laid a fucking hand on her, I swear to god."

"Woah, hey kid. Easy. It was just some harmless flirting and besides, (Y/N)'s a grown ass woman who can make her own decisions. You don't get to dictate who she does and doesn't sleep with."

Billy's eyes were unfocused as he clenched and unclenched his hands. One took stock of the bundle of nerves before him and felt his shoulders droop a little. 

It was times like this that really drove home young Four was. He was the most vulnerable (in terms of emotions and in how little protection he had during missions) and after hearing how he really felt about (Y/N), well, it caused One's own shriveled heart to grow two sizes too big after hearing it. 

Even though sometimes when he heard her name, he could still feel Billy’s hand clamping down around his windpipe. 

He didn't fault Four for it. Seeing how she reacted at the sight of Four's grave almost made him cave and push Four forward, yelling at her to stop crying.

It ripped his heart apart, especially because it made him think about the family he still had out there.   

Sighing, he placed his hands on Billy's tense shoulders, feeling the muscles and sinews so tight he was surprised they didn't snap, "Hey. Hey. Look at me." Billy dragged his eyes away from the door and to One's face, "Don't go in there all freaked out. I think I already stressed her out a little bit so...be cool, okay? And remember, respect her decision. I'll give you all the space you need if she leaves but...respect her choice. That's top priority. Got it?" One gave Four's shoulders a gentle shake so he knew that Four had heard what he’d said. 

Feeling Four's joints loosen as he took stock of his words, One slapped him on the back as he walked back down the hallway, "Also, just a heads up, we will be watching this whole interaction over the feeds so just keep that in mind if you two decide to start fucking." 

~

(Y/N) had been pacing the perimeter of the room, checking for cracks, a hidden door, something so she could get out of here alive. She didn't have any weapons on her. Well, except a Swiss Army knife but that barely counted. 

Running her finger tips over the walls she felt her heart clench as she looked at her busted fingernails. They were cropped short and bare. She missed her pink sparkly nail polish. She carried it with her everywhere though. She always figured that when she started feeling better she'd paint her nails again. So far, it was still unopened. 

Hearing the door knob turn she inhaled sharply, whipping around so her back was pressed into the farthest corner of the room. Her fists clenched and her thighs prepared to pounce or run, whichever came first. Hearing her heart pounding in her chest she took a deep steadying breath as the door opened wider, allowing light to come spilling in, illuminating a silhouette in the doorway. 

She couldn't make out any features under the hood they were wearing. The light in the room was dim and compared to the fluorescent lighting in the hallway, she had to squint to try to make out any features this individual had. Her heart beat sped up the tiniest bit when she realized the figure was built like Billy. 

Then the figure cleared their throat and closed the door behind them. Taking cautious steps into the light. She opened her mouth, "Are-are you Four?" The figure stopped abruptly and nodded in response to her question. She wondered briefly if they were a mute as she ran a hand through her hair. 

Billy's heart almost fell out of his chest when he saw that her hand was shaking as she pushed her hair out of her face. He so badly wanted to be the one to do that he had to plant his feet more firmly on the floor so he wouldn’t race to her.

"They, uh, they haven't assigned me a number yet and I know you all don't do names here so, I guess we gotta wait for me to really introduce myself but I'm the new recruit. It's nice to meet you." She held out her hand, stepping forward. 

After a tense moment, Billy extended his. 

She cocked her head to the side when she noticed Four's hand was shaking. She looked up at him but she still couldn't make out his face with the lighting and his hood. She could just see his bottom lip and she was surprised when she felt her stomach clench at the sight of how full and pink it was. 

Looking down, she clasped her hand in his and felt her blood run cold. 

Running along Four's fingers were tattoos.

Tattoos that were identical to the kind that Billy had.  

Lifting her head up seemed to take an eternity to Billy. 

He held his breath as her other hand reached up, index finger extended, shaking like a leaf in a storm as she brought it within millimeters of making contact with the tattoos she had traced so lovingly during those 24 hours. 

"You bastard." 

~~~

Tag List: @itsabenthing @vroboat @mrhoemazzello @gwendolyns-stacy @alliwantfromyouistomakelovetome @desperatelytryingtosavemyself​ @jonesyaddiction​ @xtrashmammalstefx​ @radiob-l-a-hblah​ @fairestkillerqueenofall​

#billy #ben hardy #ben hardy fic #ben hardy fanfic #ben hardy smut #billy fic #billy fanfic #ben hardy oneshot #ben hardy angst #6underground #6 underground #6U #ryan reynolds #four #ben jones #ben jones fanfic #ben jones smut #ben jones oneshot #ben jones angst #billy!ben #skywalker #6U!ben #au

[saeyoungs-sunflower]

Matchup for @nad-zeta! (Milestone Celebration)

Zeta, my sweet sweet Zeta, here’s your matchup! You have been such an angel, both in your patience and your general loveliness.💛 I’m sorry it took a little longer than expected, but I hope it was worth the wait! It’s pretty long (~3000 words lolllll) so it’s all under the cut. Sorry, I got carried away! :’) xx

So, without further ado, based on the information you gave me I matched you with...

Saeyoung!

take care of my bby pls

I feel like I need to say that I kept going back and forth between him and Zen. Zen was a VERY close second, so I kinda half match you up with him too. That being said, there were some things you mentioned that made me lean more towards Saeyoung, which will be explained below :))

~

Reasoning & General Headcanons!

“🥰 i am a aries, infp, ravenclaw female 🦊”

An Aries you say...?

Need I say more? Absolute chaotic duo. The energy is buzzing, and the people you hang out are always amused by your shenanigans.

As an INFP, you are caring, loyal, and sensitive, which are traits that I believe Saeyoung would benefit from in a partner. He also hides his true emotions well, so someone with your personality type would be able to pick up on the signs that he is feeling low, even if he tries to hide it. Your loyalty and devotion also helps him feel secure, which considering everything he’s been through, is something I feel he would struggle with, particularly in the early stages of a relationship.

On the flip side, Saeyoung is also incredibly loyal. And whilst he does joke around and tease, he knows how sensitive topics and comments can affect someone, so he is never careless, especially since (as an INFP) you often take things to heart. As a team, you work well together because you view the world slightly differently. You’re an idealist, whereas he’s a realist; you focus on the big picture, whereas he has an incredible attention to detail. This is really helpful in difficult conversations, big decisions, plans for the future etc, because whilst your opinions may differ, you offer the other a different side of the story. You get the best of both worlds!

I don’t know my Harry Potter houses very well, but from my memory and a quick Google search, Ravenclaws value knowledge and are wise, intelligent and witty. Sounds familiar? ;) i mean wise is debatable lol. Your conversations are sooo interesting and natural, because you’re both very intelligent in many ways.

“i am pretty shy and difficult to get to know (apparently it took me 2 months to start opening up to my friends, ooops), i tend to bottle up my emotions, my friends would likely describe me as incredibly stubborn, gentle, kind, over dramatic, goofy and fun loving. I am pretty aloof and blunt, like i will 9/10 times tell you to your face how if feel about you if you ask 🙈once u are part of my inner circle i am playful, teasing, i am an extremely sarcastic person that makes snarky remarks under my breath and my kind of humor is a bit of dark and self deprecating.”

Okay, this was one of the key things that made me match you with Saeyoung. A huge reason why I love Saeyoung so much is that there is a high level of comfort in a relationship with him. By that I mean that he is so open and fun that there is literally zero judgment. Judgment is such a foreign concept to him in this kind of situation. He makes you so comfortable that it’s so easy to be yourself around him, and it doesn’t take long for him to get to know you.

GIRL HE’S THE SAME. The king of bottling up his emotions. This means that y’all know when something is up, you can see the signs. You are understanding of each other, so discussions happen and actions are put into place before things become too much.

Saeyoung sometimes just needs to be told when he’s being a lil prick. You are kind and gentle when he needs it, but also can be blunt with him when it gets silly. I mean, if MC was like you towards the end of his route, we would have got through the whole “i’M tOo dAnGeRoUs gEt aWaY” thing SO much more quickly.

Once you’re comfy with him, you become an absolutely unstoppable force. When he teases you, you tease him back. When he’s being playful, you’re his partner in crime. Y’all are so goofy. Your life is full of laughs and joy with Saeyoung.

Sarcastic comments, dark humour and self-deprecating jokes? Yep that’s also very Saeyoung. Sometimes you two have to reel it in a bit when you’re hanging out with others because YOU’RE OUT OF CONTROL TOGETHER.

“I love my friends and family and will fight anyone who threatens them, although when it comes to me, you can do or say anything to me and i wont do anything (I honestly can't stand up for myself).”

IT’S LIKE HE’S LOOKING IN A MIRROR. Seriously though, he knows the importance of self worth because he knows, firsthand, the damage that can be done when you don’t value yourself and your wellbeing. He makes it his mission to help you see how worthy you are of respect and give you confidence to stand up for yourself. Even if you won’t do it for yourself, he’ll stand up for you. He cares too much about his loved ones to let them be treated wrongly.

He feels how much you love him and your other friends/family which makes him feel so secure, and he also has a phenomenal amount of love in his heart to give and he ain’t afraid to do so.

“I swear like a sailor although I am trying to get that under control, however the road rage is real.”

Finds your road rage and swearing SO amusing. Constantly teasing you about it and winding you up, but it’s all in good fun.

Absolutely has a swear jar for you. No doubt about it.

“You’ve corrupted my good, Catholic ears.” “Saeyoung shut the fuck up.”

“I love nature and animals (i love my lil bunnies and dogs), i love working out/going to the gym #gym is life”

I mean, we know he adores cats, and I imagine he loves other animals too.

I also imagine he loves camping, and I don’t even know why. He just gives me camping vibes. Weekends away spent in nature, sleeping in a tent and sitting round a fire in the evenings are pretty common for you.

I know this is ~controversial~ topic in the fandom, but I am of the opinion that Saeyoung also works out.

Do I think he’s completely ripped? No, probably not. But he’s strong, lean at the very least. Even Jaehee admits it! He makes working out so much fun and it’s always a bit of a laugh.

“i enjoy cooking (i am now officially a chef), wine tasting (fancy way of saying getting very tipsy of different wines most nights), spending time with friends (especially if there is tea to be spilt) although i do need lots of alone time to recharge my social battery”

The first time he tasted your food, he almost cried. Poor boi lived off eating crisps and soda for God knows how long.

“Wait, you’re not meant to constantly feel like you're gonna throw up? Food is meant to have...flavour???”

Help him

Saeyoung is pretty social, but also needs time to recharge like you, though he can go a bit longer than you and doesn’t easily get drained by social interactions. This may seem like a problem when you spend time with friends, but it’s actually such a blessing. If you’re feeling exhausted when socialising, he knows and will “take the wheel” if you will. There’s nothing worse than trying to keep a conversation going or seeming upbeat when you literally don’t have the energy, so Saeyoung is there to help you out. He’s also super good at politely and subtly taking you out of those situations if you are super drained and need to recharge.

He’s also such a gossip so if you got tea to spill he’s ready to hear it, and you know he ALWAYS has tea to spill. Sneaky man

“i like conspiracies, reading, writing (Fanfics and im busy with my Masters in nutrition >“<), rom coms, and  sleeping. As much as i love spending time outdoor i also enjoy lazing around the house being a lazy potato.”

Discussions about conspiracies over dinner lol. He is in possession of some...top secret information, so those conversations are very interesting and eye opening ;)

He LOVES to read your writing. It literally doesn’t matter what it’s about, he finds it truly fascinating. It’s a little glimpse into who you are, and it’s something you created!!! By yourself!!!! HE LOVES THAT. Always impressed with what you write, every time. He’s so proud.

ROM COMS WHILST CUDDLING ON THE COUCH

He’s a cryer, he loves rom coms.

He works super hard, so he’s always down to have a lazy day with you!!

“I definitely zone out and daydream all the freaken time and tend to blush easily which i hate 🙈 i definitely dont like crowds and loud sounds (ie you will never find me in a club). I am a picky eater despite my degree in cooking (i basically only eat candy, carbs and protein)”

He. loves. Making. You. blush. I’m sorry, but it’s one of his favourite things. He thinks it’s so adorable, so prepare for all the teasing, lewd jokes and general flirtiness that’ll get your cheeks burning ;)

He’s not keen on crowds either, so that’s not a problem!! I imagine he occasionally goes on night’s out with the bois (and by bois I mean usually just Zen and Yoosung LOL) but he’s not often out until super late, and he’s super respectful of you. Would never ask you to do something or go somewhere that makes you uncomfortable.

“i love cuddles although i look like someone that wouldn’t. Ive been told i come across as calm and confident, while in truth on the inside i am really scared and insecure.   I am incredibly awkward when it comes to boys and have been told my sarcastic comments are x100 when i talk to them (oops).”

CUDDLE MONSTER. I actually think he’s the biggest cuddler in the RFA. Controversial I know, but damn Saeyoung loves a cuddle. He’s a spontaneous cuddler. Like it doesn’t matter what the situation is, if you need a cuddle or he just fancies one, he’ll find a way.

He sees right through your calmness and confidence, because he’s exactly the same. This puts him in the perfect position to reassure you and lift you up. He’s a great hype man!

He finds your awkwardness adorable, and your sarcastic comments just make him love you even more! He has a good sense of humour and doesn’t take things too seriously if they don’t need to be, so he’s constantly laughing with you and easing your mind in the very early stages of your relationship.

“I am very go with the flow, and i never burn my bridges 🙈 i am very forgive and forget🦊, like no matter how badly you hurt me.”

Based on what happens on his route, it’s very handy that you are a forgiving person hahah

But again, if Saeyoung thinks you are being treated wrongly and being hurt, he will stand up for you.

His dedication to protecting the ones he loves is STRONG. I mean, look at his relationship with Saeran and the way he is constantly looking out for you in ALL routes.

Of course, he won’t say or do anything to that person if that makes you uncomfortable. Instead, he will constantly reassure you of your self-worth and remind you that you deserve better, but will also support the decisions you make.

If you want to forgive and forget, he will respect that, even if he thinks differently.

“What am i looking for in a potential partner?.... well i definitely think i need someone that could bring me out my shell initially, also someone who isn't too sensitive cause like i said i can be super sarcastic and my jokes kinda match that (like in my family we show out affection for each other via playful insults and savage comments)😂😂”

As I stated above, I think Saeyoung is the best person to help bring you out of your shell. There’s no judgment and no shame with this man.

I find that someone being unapologetically themself is SO contagious, and Saeyoung is exactly that - unapologetically himself.

We’ve all seen his humour, he doesn’t seem to be particularly sensitive either so you’re all good there hahaha. Obviously everyone does have their limits, so whilst their are topics/jokes that would probably make him uncomfortable (e.g. stuff relating to Saeran), overall, he’s chill and ALWAYS ready to joke around with you.

The roast battle is so real with you two LOL

“i kinda want someone stable, hard working, decisive, ambitious and who can push me out of my confort zone and vice versa.🦋”

He goofs around, but there’s no denying that this man works HARD.

Once he leaves the agency and starts his new life with you, I can imagine him being super ambitious and also aiming for stability.

His life before had been so restrictive yet so uncertain. He had to do what he was told, but never knew what was just around the corner.

This makes me think that he would crave the stability and certainty that he never had (a ‘normal’ life, if you will), but also he’d want to try so many things that he hadn’t before. He strikes me as a ‘go big or go home’ kinda guy, so I think it’s safe to say that he would be ambitious in many ways.

The only thing I don’t think he ticks the box on is decisiveness, at least not at the beginning. I think he usually knows what he wants, but rarely acts on that.

“It’s up to you”, “whatever you want” and “I don’t mind” are very common phrases for him lol. I think he would learn to be more decisive once he gets comfortable. I also think he has his moments of assertiveness though, when he’s in the right mood.

“Also someone who is family oriented and loving (someone that can cuddle me when im having a bad day)☺ and someone who can make me laugh, cause i love joking around so i kinda think i need someone who could match that🌻”

SAEYOUNG. IS. SUCH. A. FAMILY. MAN.

Again, look at what he’s done for Saeran and how deeply he cares for and loves him. A ‘normal’ family was something that was absent in his life, so when he has his own family (whether that be a found family or one he made) he would cherish that so strongly, maybe more than most.

SAEYOUNG. IS. A. CUDDLE. MONSTER.

He could be working at his desk and suddenly think “you know what? It’s snuggle time” and then he would search the house for you to give you The Snuggle™

Again, he’s also VERY observant and his attention to detail is impeccable, so he can instantly tell if you’re having a bad day and will act accordingly - aka SNUGGLE TIME

I mean, need I say more? If you want someone who makes you laugh, Saeyoung is the guy. There is never a dull day when he’s around, and the house is always filled with laughter!

So yeah....that’s my reasoning :’)) now onto your very own drabble!! This is all yours, so if there’s anything you’d like me to change or add, PLEASE let me know!! I’m more than happy to edit anything to make it more personalised for you, just shoot me a message and I’ll be on it, same goes for anything I’ve said above!!🥰

~

Drabble!

“Saeyoung! Can you come here a second?”

You called out to him from the kitchen, stirring from a pot whilst its contents quietly bubbled away. You could hear the music blaring from his headphones all the way from the other room, with the occasional hum or drum on his desk. Evidently, he hadn’t heard you.

“SAEYOUNG CHOI GET YOUR FINE ASS IN HERE.”

The music ceased, followed by rapid pattering as he darted into the room, nearly skidding round the doorway. 

“I heard ‘fine ass’ and here I am,” he smirked, sauntering over to you and snaking his strong, secure arms around your middle. He swayed you from side to side, planting a wet kiss on your cheek, much to your dismay. Saeyoung merely chuckled, resting his chin on your shoulder, “What do you need, witch lady?”

“Why ‘witch lady’?”

“Well, whatever you’re cooking is giving me witchy vibes. It looks like a potion in a cauldron. Look at you with your double double toil and trouble-OW! Don’t pinch me!”

“Sorry, it’s a witch thing,” you winked, spinning around in his grip so you were face-to-face. “You sure you’re not the witch? You do have the nose for it.”

“I’ve also got the dress and hat in the attic, shall I go put it on?”

“Try this for me first.” You held the wooden spoon out to him as he took a sip, chuckling at the way his brows furrowed in thought.

He smacked his lips a few times, hummed then finally looked back to you, “It’s good.”

“That’s it? That’s all you got?”

“You do realise that my taste buds have essentially been burned off by chips and soda, right? I have no idea if something’s bad or not.”

“You’re right. I should call Jumin.”

“You can’t,” he informed, his smirk growing ever wider as he moved towards the snack cupboard, “Mr Han has a date tonight.”

The spoon clattered against the counter, your mouth agape, “You’re shitting me.”

“That’s another coin in the swear jar.” Saeyoung chucked a packet of candy in your direction, though it only hit you in the face before falling unceremoniously onto the kitchen floor, “I think we need to get your reflexes checked, babe.”

“Tell me everything.”

He took a seat on a breakfast stool and chortled as you leaned over the counter, eyes showing your eagerness to hear the gossip. And he was more than happy to provide, “He appears to be really into her. Like, really into her. She seems to just get him, you know? I could hear his smile down the phone when he told me about her earlier.”

“Earlier? Why are you only just telling me this now?!”

“Do you wanna hear the rest of it or not?”

Huffing, you perched on the seat next to him, stealing a piece of his candy despite his look of horror, “Okay, well where did he meet such a woman?”

“You’re never gonna believe it.”

“Try me.”

Saeyoung was enjoying himself far too much. He couldn’t wait another moment to witness your reaction, “She’s Zen’s co-star.”

“NO.”

“YES.”

The tea had been spilt, and things were about to get very interesting within the RFA.

Your eyes were glued to his as he continued to disclose the details. At some point you had wrapped your arm around his, his other hand encompassing yours. He abruptly stopped halfway through describing the first encounter, causing you to quirk an eyebrow impatiently, “What?”

“Do you smell burning?”

“...Fuck.”

“And another one for the swear jar.”

~

@nad-zeta​ there we go my love, I hope you enjoyed your matchup!! I am so grateful for your support, it never fails to make me smile when I see you pop up in my notifs. You are beautiful, kind, bright person and you deserve the world. Thank you again for all you’ve done and all you do💛💛 Take care of yourself, my friend! xxx

(Note for other readers: I usually don’t do matchups, this was for a special occasion! I doubt I’ll open up requests for them later on, but never say never!)

#sunny's 500 milestone #matchup #nad-zeta #saeyoung choi #mystic messenger

[jackalopefreckles]

I feel like Ive aged at least 6 years since covid started. Im angrier. Less adapted to being outside then I used to be- which is saying a lot. This time last year I was?? Actually healthier mentally then I had ever been and looking forward to having the house alone for a month which?? Was the most freedom I wouldve ever had.

A lots fucking changed. I drove halfway across the country- all 30 hours at once with my big brother AND two elderly dogs, plus my cat. All animals on too many drugs (the vet said they couldnt overdose, and then failed to give any further instruction) cami peed on herself twice, unable to move. I had to waterboard her in Phoenix, a truly terrifying hell city where all the roads are raised and overlapping and its a hot as shit cause its?? What june?? Time was so fake this year I mustve just been stoned the whole time till I ran out of weed, and since moving its been a relief to be able to turn off the spinning anxious thoughts for a few hours

my big brother joined us. He brought a new dog with him which?? Is always a lot, plus I have this pack of dogs now cause the puppy wouldnt leave the super cancer ridden dog alone, and Im able to get her cbd regularly here, so shes always comfortable now instead of just?? Sometimes which is a lot nicer. We didnt think shed make it to chrisrmas. I thought shed die with me home alone to take care of everything, like always. It was almost a relief, I wouldn't have to coach my brother through the grieving process at least, and I had already finished. Its hard now even, for me to realize she might even have another christmas (but I wont hold my breath)

I feel safer going outside here then I did in Austin. I only went out a handful of times in texas, for the last few months I was ordering almost all groceries, and only going to the store once mask mandates were mandatory (theyre not anymore. Im so worried for texas. I missed a huge freeze by mere months. I dont think my elderly dogs wouldnt survived it. If I was alone with them, Im not sure I woudlve.

My parents took my brother to mexico with them. I begged them not to go, told them how irresponsible it was to travel across boarders. To visit an island and take all the plane germs with. I told them that even if my mom and brother were staying at home all day with me, my dad was still going to work and he didnt know what his coworkers were doing. That they wouldn't know what the people on the plane were doing. That at any point they could become the stupid americans that killed half an islands population.

They left a week after today last year. The boarders were closed the next day. Their friend has been traveling back and forth ever since. I have no idea how, except for the fact shes white and rich and wont hesitate to destroy a child, so I can only imagine how shed treat costomer service.

I will no longer allow this angry aggressive woman to ever make me feel bad, and I will allow myself to finally fight back. Im an adult, maybe not all the time (cause lets be real I'll always be a bit too eccentric for most) but when I get angry and allow myself that anger, it's not a bad thing. Anger doesn't have to make me feel like Ive done something wrong. Im usually very just in my actions, and I wont allow my parents influence to tell me all anger is misdirected and hurtful for reasons I couldnt understand. Its okay for me to be angry.

I think being alone with animals for months is at least reassuring that my childhood was unreasonable if nothing else. Which of course is a silly polite society term for pretty fucked, if nothing else.

My aunt had to gall to say weve had a good 2020 cause our family wasnt hurt, and I had to walk away from the zoom call. I haven't attempted communication with any of them since, not that I normally do. Of course none of us died, all rich old white people, most of them retired and able to stay home all day (not that all of them did, I learned about my grandfathers routine and just.. Im honestly surprised no one got it yet. Of course I knew from the beginning if anyone was gonna get it and die, it probably wouldve been me. Hence the 8 months of solitude before the move.

Was the move in August?? Im so unsure about time. Even with 2020 vision.

I tried to date when I moved here. Strictly on tinder. What was the point? On and off testosterone due to the wonders of texas, hadnt changed my body nearly as much as they should've a year after being on them. I look much more handsome now. Im also allowing myself to toss gender aside completely. He/him doesn't mean man, and they/them dont mean nonbinary, so why not mix them since Im?? Not really either.

It wasnt even a thought process like that to start. Much more "this is nice" which I think more gender should be allowed to be. Dont gotta be deep just comfortable.

I wont ever allow my parents to forget what they did. I ended up with three dogs I didnt want (I was so looking forward to not having any dogs) and I ended up taking care of my brother. Again. Its easier without my parents at least. Everything always is. My dogs are even happier. Cami finally isnt anxious 24/7. Again, a sad reminder my childhood wasn't great. Daisy is healthier. Trauma can be stored emotionally or with health issues, often both. I think the cancer dog getting better and?? Surviving and thriving so much longer then the vet said (how good was my old vet?) Is another unfortunate nail in thay proverbial coffin.

Im not as soft and openly loving. Im even more touch starved somehow. Harsher. I still want to choose love and compassion, but Im not letting myself fall into the trap of being so nice people wont be nice to you. Fighting back is something I wont feel shameful about, because it never stopped me from doing it completely anyway.

I was already reaching this on my own though. This was just more coffins, more nails. This didnt need to happen. We know our government let this happen. Its still letting it happen. Im not sure when Im getting my vaccine. My big brothers sick of quarentine and keeps trying to get us to go out. Sometimes I yield, and we go to a park, or the top floor of the parking garage. I get a vegan hotdog from nearby. We talk and laugh and were genuinely just. Boys being boys.

I shouldn't have to deal with parent shit anymore. I do though, especially since two out of three are unemployed and we can really only afford to live here cause of them (they owe me if anything though. Especially with my brother and these animals) I hope I can get a job soon. Or maybe even go back to school. Im lucky I had so much saved up (for top surgery, which I guess wont happen before Im 25 like I really tried for. I wouldve done it before now, but texas waitlists and rules kept holding me up. I literally went to an appointment in dallas, a 4 hour drive, just to found out the surgeon canceled on me for the second time)

Its incredibly depressing, and I know Im lucky to have had that stash. So many people didnt have anything and lost so much. People lost people. Half a million at this point. I remember when it got to 300,000 and I just?? Felt so awful it was so close to how many people we lost to AIDS. Its over that by so many now. It doesn't really stop, does it??

Is that catholic guilt?? Or maybe just irish guilt in general. Is it something I inherited or earned through all the end of the worlds and once in a lifetime recessions Ive been through. Im not sure how many off the top of my head, theyve been coming since I was so small and its always more and more. Im not even catholic anymore. I cant stop being irish though, even though the brits tried (and succeeded. Weve lost a lot. The current royal cotastrophy is bullshit as well, the only person who deserves a royal title is from Meniappolos

My home is decorate all inside for st patrick's day. My big brother loves it so Im going all out, and its def making me feel much more irish then usual (which is a lot Im over half)

I think I just wanted to say Im not the same. I hope I can still be happy an obnoxious is public. I wonder if I remember how

#TIRED #happy covid anniversary #time to post this without reading it lmao #long post #rambles